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Reverse Robins AU where everyone is their canon ages but Bruce gets them backwards

And Sooner, thus smaller

Cass: David Cain makes the mistake of letting Bruce know of Cass. Bruce comes back to Gotham with an infant while David Cain resurfaces years later with a case of broken spine. Alfred is torn between pride in his son and exasperation at his newfound hobby of dressing like a furry. (Cass's first word is "bat")

Damian: Talia looks at Bruce (and his ruthlessness in child protection), likes what she sees, and decides he's her new baby daddy. She then spends the next few years in a push-pull seduction trip with Bruce (consensually, fuck you) while simultaneously building up her power base, weeding out her father's men, and plotting his downfall. However, when she becomes pregnant she vanishes for several months only for a baby to appear in Bruce's bed; swaddled in a beautiful blanket and tucked next to the wickedly sharp knife she murdered her father with. Cass is eight years old.

Tim: Bruce doesn't adopt Dick, he doesn't become Robin, thus Tim never connects crazy acrobatics between circus child and traffic light. He's still a baby stalker with an interest in Gotham's nightlife, but here batman works alone. He eventually figures it out anyway, but not before getting involved in something he really shouldn't have which leads to Bruce looking into the Drakes much sooner. By the time they fly back from wherever the hell they've been three months later, Tim's already living with the Wayne's and Bruce has legal blackmail a mile wide. Nine year old Cass has a new little brother big enough to dance with, One Year Old Damian is decidedly unimpressed as toddlers can be, and Six Year Old Tim is starry-eyed at living with the actual batman.

Jason: is eight years old when one of Batman's rouges explodes the building he lived in with his mother and Willis. (Something that wouldn't have happened if he had another pair of hands to help and distract with a quip and a laugh) Bruce Wayne finds him stealing his converter while visiting the memorial he set up in Park Row for his parents. (Jason doesn't know what this rich idiot with more money than sense wants with him; probably as a "playmate" toy for his three spoiled brats no doubt, but at least he'll be off the streets.) One kidnapping later and Jason is of the firm belief that he's still a rich idiot with more money than sense, because all his sense was beaten out of him in that fursuit. Jason turns nine with a seven year old stalker, a two year old demon, and a ten year old shadow as siblings and he's never been happier.

Dick: Oof. The scales of fate aren't fucked with lightly. His future siblings may have happier lives, but only because he suffered instead. Here's the deal: As in canon, the Graysons came to Gotham and died when Dick was nine. However, Bruce never went. Cass was sick, so Bruce never saw the Graysons fall. The Court of Owls did. And the rest, they say, is history. (Until the Kidnapping of Jason Todd, "Street trash" sullying the Wayne name, cracks the Court's disguise and Batman finds an immortal sixteen year old Assassin in the depths of Gotham's oldest cult.

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what if i wrote a lis x mdzs fic

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i think harlen guthrie really hates his characters /affectionate

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hello tpp tumblr!! i’ve recently endeavored to try and understand how personality quizzes are made and spent a while putting this one together!

it would be really cool if you could take a moment to do it, and maybe even let me know what you think!

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some texts i sent to my dad regarding the newest tpp juno steel ep

this wet little lady has been through some shit.

hes been in the washing machine for five seasons now. and its just the tumble cycle. hes not even close to dry yet.

his bf-not-bf keeps going back to his previous lover whose essentially dead.

we got starcrossed lovers but its the wrong lovers

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Scar: You’re kidding!

Grian: No, I’m a Grian.

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i can very much imagine varian having a jekyll and hyde moment

like he fucks with the mood potion a little too much and now the gang (tts or vat7k) have to wrangle hyde!varian and get varian back

if varian was just a gremlin with alchemy, hyde!varian would be a malicious gremlin with alchemy

this would just be one of their little adventure filler shorts but itd be on par with some of the other stuff theyve done

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okokokok

but what if-

we had ANOTHER trama child that got possessed and ended up with a mullet?

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Casually ripping my sleeve with my teeth for the homie

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if i had to rate censored chinese bl that i love by their queerness this would be the list

1. The Spirealm: the gayest. queerness of it is undeniable. they are saying everything out loud with their own mouths. it's like a feast for gays

2. Word of Honor: gay as fuck. the show is puking rainbows and hiding them in poetic lines

3. The Untamed: gayyyyy. much yearning much pain much queer love

and then there is Stay With Me that is not censored whatsoever, just a slowburn toned down to more innocent cheek kisses and soft touches

[thatrandomsideblog]

This time on AUs I'm Very Passionate About for No Discernible Reason: Galra!WWX x Altean!LWJ

WWX is a Galran warrior who happens to catch Emperor WRH's eye during an interplanetary hunt, and is soon promoted to an honourable position in his personal guard. In fact, he's so impressed with WWX, he wants to clone him for future war purposes.

WWX doesn't know how to feel about this, but one doesn't refuse the emperor to his face, and so he allows himself to be cloned.

Several days later Baby A-Yuan is born. ...Baby A-Yuan is definitely, indisputably part Altean. This poses many questions, most of which WWX would prefer not to answer. 

WRH looks at the newborn cradled in his top scientist, Wen Qing's, arms. He looks to WWX.

"What is the meaning of this?"

WWX shrugs, sneakily relocating the baby into his own arms. "Who even knows? Maybe my great-grandmother took an Altean lover or something?"

WRH accepts the excuse. However, this unfortunately means he cannot clone his best warrior - he refuses to have soldiers who look like off-world scum in his army. He'll have to make do with someone else, but who?

In the meantime, he orders the clone disposed of. WWX is tasked to dump it in empty space. WWX…does not do that.

Upon reaching the dumping location, he turns on his secret (non-standard issue) communication device and calls his most trusted contact, LWJ. LWJ may or may not be the Altean prince he was sent to assassinate in his youth that 'mysteriously survived' a 'fatal stabbing'.

"Wei Ying?"

As soon as LWJ's face fills the display panel, WWX holds up the baby and cries, "Gege, you got me pregnant!"

LWJ freezes for so long, WWX starts to worry the comm is broken, until the prince suddenly relaxes and frowns.

"Do not joke."

WWX whines. "I'm not joking! WRH cloned me, and…uh…" He looks away, flushing. "There must have been some foreign matter in the test sample."

LWJ's reply is stilted. "...Foreign matter?"

WWX chuckles awkwardly. "Anyway, the emperor wants me to kill our son, so I need you to take care of him for a while."

Silence again. WWX flicks the display a few times to make sure it's still working. 

"Our…son…?"

WWX sighs. LWJ seems to be having a hard time with this, but he supposes it IS quite unusual to have a normal, non-erotic meeting with your Galran informant one week, only to find yourself fathering a child with them the next.

"I guess I didn't wash my hands properly after handing you that map?" He supplies apologetically. How was he meant to know something like this would happen? For the first of many times, he distracts LWJ's ire with A-Yuan's cuteness. "Look at him! He looks just like you!"

The baby, who indeed looks exactly like LWJ, with feathered Galran ears, glares up at the screen. LWJ makes a sound deep in his throat that could almost be called panicked, if Altean royalty ever panicked for any reason. His eyes have gone big and round, and his lower lip seems to be trembling a little - most likely with the effort of keeping it from dropping open in surprise.

WWX bites back a giggle. LWJ is so cute sometimes. While he maintains eye contact with A-Yuan, WWX inputs his current coordinates into the comm's keypad and sends them to LWJ. "Can you meet me here to pick him up?"

After another tense moment, LWJ nods. "Mn."

WWX breaks into a relieved grin. "Thanks LZ. You're the best!"

He thinks LWJ's ears flush a little then, but can't be sure because the comm cuts out in the next moment, flashing a blazing red [CALL ENDED] notification.

WWX sighs and leans back, bouncing the baby in his lap idly. "What do you think A-Yuan? Isn't your baba the handsomest?"

The baby, less than a day old, looks confused. The baby, being a baby, always seems confused about something. 

"Well, I'm sure if you could see properly, your little heart would've beaten right out of your teeny, tiny chest." He tweaks A-Yuan's nose, then bows his head. "I hope Lan Zhan doesn't get in trouble for this."

----

LWJ arrives only a few hours later, having piloted a fighter jet with a built in warp drive.

"Let me have a go. Please, gege?" WWX simpers and bats his eyes, making LWJ's brows furrow. 

"Come back to Gusu and you may," he says, gently rocking the baby in his arms. WWX never would have thought of LWJ as the paternal type, but he never thought they'd have a child together, either. 

He's so distracted by how easily A-Yuan takes to him that he almost forgets to answer. "Lan Zhan, you know I can't. Not until WRH is dealt with."

LWJ sighs, but doesn't fight him on the matter. "If you are unsafe you should call me regardless." 

WWX can't help but smile. He clutches LWJ's hand, the one resting on A-Yuan's little back. "Of course, gege. Haven't I just done that?"

LWJ stares at the hand touching his until WWX retracts it, and nods. "Mn."

He turns to leave, bundling A-Yuan up into his state-of-the-line spaceship. As he starts the engine, he looks back to WWX, almost smiling when WWX waves at him. Then he turns on the thrusters, and he's gone before WWX can blink, shooting off through the stars at a pace no Galran ship could hope to replicate.

Alone, WWX folds his hand to his chest, his ears drooping low in misery.

"...Take me, too."

He shakes his head and straightens his back. No matter how much he wants to leave with LWJ, he can't. Not until WRH is defeated.

So, he'll just have to dethrone him faster.

----

LWJ, carrying A-Yuan into CR: 😌❤️

LQR: Wangji, what is that?

LWJ: …Clone.

LQR: Whose clone?!

LWJ: …Mine.

LXC: Where did you get a clone?

LWJ's eyes shift to the side.

LXC: Uh...he looks Galran.

LWJ: …Yes.

LWJ walks away quickly.

LQR: WANGJI! EXPLAIN!!

----

LWJ, not long after, carrying WWX into CR like a sack of potatoes: 😌❤️

LQR: WHO is THAT?!! 

LWJ: …C-

LQR: Don't you dare say it's another clone!

LWJ: …

He looks at WWX's fuzzy, pettable ears, and equally fluffy tail.

LWJ: …Rabbit.

LQR: Rabbit?! That is a Galra-!

LWJ starts walking away, a sheepish WWX grinning and waving behind him. 

WWX: Nice to meet you, Uncle!

LQR: UNCLE?!! 💢😱🩸

----

Altean LWJ has haunted me since I read MDZS. I'm finally free! Jks, there's a part ii.

[thatrandomsideblog]

The Yiling Laozu’s Lost Spells, A.K.A. The Weird Ones

A Collection by Mo Xuanyu

aka another crack au

Edit: Now with a part 2!

When the Yiling Laozu died his work was divided up by its use

The Lans took anything deemed undemonic, like Spirit Lures and Demonic Compasses

The Jins snuck out anything dangerous under the lie they’d destroy it

And the rest of it…it got scattered everywhere to every lowdown village and wanna be demonic cultivator.

At first, no one thought this would be a problem. It’s not like anything dangerous is out there, and not just anyone can culitvate

But they forgot two very important things: 1) no one needs to be a culivator to use demonic cultivation and 2) people will find a way to use anything

Soon the culivation world is overrun by really, really weird cases that their cultivators just can’t keep up with

And when I say weird, I do mean weird here’s a look at some of the cases:

Case 1) Giant rabbits the size of houses have been spotted in a mountain near a sheparding villiage eating all their feilds. They asked Hanguang-jun for help. Hanguang-jun went up but he did not come back down. It is suspected the giant bunnies ate him

Case 2) the dancing radishes. Every night on the full moon radishes come to life in a villiage and dance on their beds. Its not hurting anyone, but its really freaking them out

Case 3) dog begone spells. A whole villiage has lost all its dogs and no one knows why. Some of them were really expensive spirit puppies, including one jin guangyao was planning to purchase for his nephew

Case 4) the case of the running radishes. Radishes are leaving their beds a d running away as fast as thry can. Every time someone gets close they keep moving farther away

Case 5) flowers flying to lan clan ribbons and sticking. Every flower, even ones on stems. The lans are walking around covered in flowers and it is becoming a Problem.

Case 6) radishes that look like potatoes. Again? What is with this guy and radishes? This spell would have been harmless if it hadn’t been in a villiage with two rival families of radishes and potatoes. The potato family is accusing the radish family of sabatoge and the radish family is accusing the potato family of stealing their crop

Case 7) Lotus soup possession talisman. If u stick this talisman on someone, they will make lotus and pork rib soup. Always. Again and again. They can’t stop. Everything they make is soup. They’re crying.

Case 8) the peacock tail talisman. Every jin who comes into contact with this talisman will get a peacock tail. They can’t get rid of them. This is a problem.

Case 9) grass butterflies come to life. Again, not harmful, but very annoying. All children love it. All adult toy sellers do not. Their wares keep flying away. Please someone save their buisnesses

Case 10) hug jiang cheng. You must hug jiang cheng. You can’t help it. You can’t stop. If u don’t give him one hug a day you will die. Jiang cheng is furious. Fix this now.

Case 11) give Hanguang-jun compliments. Not hard, no one would notice if it wasn’t stuck to Su She. He hates it. He’s sueing for emotional damages. You better fix this quick!

And these are just the first ones! In times like this, people look to the Chief Cultivator. But the Chief cultivator is off flirting with women, so like all things, this falls to jin guangyao to solve.

So Jin guangyao decides he needs to get those documents back, and who better to send to handle the weird cases no one wants to touch than his weird half brother who’s so fasinated by demonic cultivation?

Thus Mo Xuanyu finds himself with his dream job: chasing down the yiling Laozu’s lost works! What more could he want?

The first case is easy. He goes up and finds Hanguang-jun asleep cuddled in a pile of giant rabbits. All he has to do is find out where the talisman is and remove them. The hard part is getting Hanguang-jun to stop looking like he just killed his wife. Mo xuanyu didn’t know Hanguang-jun had puppy eyes. Since when did he have puppy eyes? Eventually to make him feel better he helps him take all the rabbits to cloud recesses. And at another puppy dog eyed, gloomy look like he’s denied him his long lost lover, Mo Xuanyu gives him the talisman too. Jin Guangyao’s not happy, but really, what was Mo Xuanyu supposed to do? Not make that handsome man smile again?

The second case is a lot harder. Nothing Mo Xuanyu does gets the radishes to stop singing. No spells, not talismans, nothing. The only thing left is to dig them all up and throw them deep into the woods where no one will have to listen. Mo Xuanyu’s ears are still bleeding from their reedy songs

The third case is where Mo Xuanyu feels a bit of hope in Yiling laozu’s work really paying off. Lots of his bullies at the jin sect have dogs. If he can make them vanish, he’ll be safe! Unfortunately this spell makes all dogs leave, or none at all. And even when he finds a way to undo it, he can’t afford to copy it out because jin guangyao took one of the pups to give to jin ling, and if mo xuanyu makes the grumpy jin ling’s beloved new puppy go away, he’ll be kicked out of Koi Tower and feel bad besides

The radishes are back, but they run now. They aren’t even violent, u can’t use them for anything! They just run! It takes mo xuanyu months to catch one and track it back to its home. The radishes have built a radish villige in the forest. Radish farmers radish shop keepers and radish children. Mo xuanyu feels like he’s stepped into a children’s book. Then he hears the familiar reedy songs and it becomes a nightmare. The running radishes found the singing ones. They interbred. Now they have musical theatre radishes. Mo Xuanyu booked it out of there as fast as he can. Fuck the Yiling Laozu. Mo Xuanyu isn’t messing with that

When the flowers stick to the lan, Mo Xuanyu gives up all previous respect for the yiling laozu. He was clearly an idiot. Or a cutsleeve. Mo Xuanyu hopes he’s a cutsleeve. It would be nice to have someone like him to look up too. At least he got to see Hanguang-jun again. He was very nice and showed Mo Xuanyu the back of cloud recesses, where some very familiar rabbits were very happy to greet him.

By case six mo Xuanyu takes back every positive thought he’d ever had about the yiling laozu. He’s not just an idiot, he’s The Idiot. And the potato family and radish family are just as idiotic as he is. Why is he overseeing a trial over radishes turned potatoes? Why is everyone so invested in his investigation? What is wrong with everyone here? (It was the radish family’s son. He was trying to grow potatoes to impress the potato families daughter. They get married and invite Mo Xuanyu to the wedding)

Case seven brings Mo’s respect for the yiling laozu back. The lotus soup spell is terrifying. They can’t stop making soup, or crying. It takes everything he has to stop it, and it isn’t working. He only figures out how to fix it when he says “thank you shijie” on reflex as his infected shijie shoved some soup in his arms. That made her stop. It has to be those words exactly though. This is easy if its a girl. Not so easy when its a 60 year old elderly man.

Case 8 Mo Xuanyu loves his peacock tail. Its proof he’s a jin, and oh so stylish. He’s gonna paint his face to match. But the rest of the jin sect hate it, so he reluctantly figures out how to get rid of it. All it takes is a humble apology, which is way harder to get jins to do than it should be. The last to lose it is jun ling, not because he can’t apologize, but because he likes his tail too, since his Jiujiu told him it made him look “just like his father”. Mo Xuanyu only gets him to get rid of it by promising to sneak the talisman to him in his rooms. They can enjoy their tails together in privacy.

Case 9. Nothing Mo Xuanyu can do about those grass butterflies. He chases them around with a net anyways. Then he gives up and tells the salesmen to start selling grass butterflies in cages instead. As he leaves all the little kids in the villiage trail after him and ask if it was really the yiling laozu who did this, and does Mo Xuanyu work for him, and can he teach them? Mo Xuanyu doesn’t have the heart to tell them that the yiling laozu’s magic isn’t usally all butterflies and rainbows.

Case 10 is terrifying. Who hugs jiang cheng? How do u survive it? Fortunately by this time Mo Xuanyu has a bit of a reputation. People know he deals with “the weird stuff” so jiang cheng doesn’t kill him on sight. It still takes forever to undo the spell. Jiang cheng isn’t any help. He acts so mad, but he’s totally hugging everyone infected back just as fiercely as they hug him. Eventually they find out its another password based release. The password is “good job didi” jiang cheng storms away furiously to break things with his whip. Mo xuanyu swears he heard loud sobbing too, but he’s not saying anything.

Case 11. The yiling laozu was definitely a cutsleeve. There’s no way someone makes a talisman to compliment Hanguang-jun without romantic intent. Mo Xuanyu is privately thrilled to know this, and see what a cutsleeve can do. He is less thrilled to have to work with su she. At least the way to break the spell is funny. Seeing su she stutteringly shout how hanguang-jun is better than him in everyway and then storm out in fury made his year.

The more Mo Xuanyu works on these weird cases, the more he feels like he’s learning about the true nature of the yiling laozu. Unfortunately, most of these cases do not result in easy solutions for the jin, and Mo’s position is just as perilous as before. Worse really, since as his reputation for handling weird borderline demonic stuff, people begin to wonder how, and look to jin sect to see who trained him.

So yeah, Mo Xuanyu gets framed for incest and kicked out of jin tower. He’d always been working with the weird, how far of a stretch would it be to say he’d go mad?

Mo Xuanyu is devistated, all his contacts, all the goodwill he’d earned from other sects and villiages, all gone when that rumor gets out. He can’t bear to face them and see the disgust on their faces

So he decides to turn to the only person who’s weird enough to not judge him

The one person he has enough blackmail on to ensure it.

The yiling laozu

It takes a while, but Mo Xuanyu is very familiar with how the yiling laozu alters talismans and spells at this point, and after three years and a very handy outline from Nie Huasang, he finds a way to bring back the yiling laozu

Without dying

Staring at his hero, his idol, and the biggest pain in his ass, mo xuanyu’s mind is racing. He has so many questions. Which should he ask first? Did u ever tell hanguang-jun u loved him? How’d u handle everyone turning on u? Did u really invent demonic cultivation all on your own?

But in the end the one that slips out is: Why do u have so many spells about radishes?

Wei ying blushes “i had a lot if radishes okay?!!! They were on my mind a lot!”

“That’s an understatement!” Mo xuanyu counters. “Do u have any idea how bad radishes sing? They invented muscial theatre! Theatre!”

“Really? Can I see?!!!” Wei yings eyes light up, and Mo xuanyu realizes he’s made a terrible mistake. The only thing worse than a mad scientists spells is a mad scientist’s curiousity. He’s going to have to follow this guy around the whole of the cultivation world to try and prevent him from making things even weirder!

Ah well, at least he’s not lonely anymore.

Keep reading

[thatrandomsideblog]

Do ya'll ever think about how every character in MDZS is living in a radically different genre of story?

Cause yeah, sure Wei Wuxian is living in a danmei fantasy novel with strong romantic comedy elements, but if you slide over a bit Lan Wangji is living a serious and heady drama about regret, loss, yearning, the passage of time, and ultimately atonement.

Scooch on over to Xichen and your in a straight up Greek tragedy, right down to the parable about hubris and trust. Jin Guangyao is living meanwhile in a political dark fantasy al'la Game of Thrones, Nie Huaisang is in a Gothic moody Monte Cristo-esque reflection on revenge and deception, and while Lan Sizhuhi and Jin Ling are living in two VERY different YA fantasy books ('magic boarding school/secret orphan of destiny' and 'Steven Universe style coming of age/discovering all your family are some flavor of evil and magic' respectively).

Everyone connected to Yi City is living inside a dark psychological thriller/horror flick, except for Xue Yang who is in a Found Family/Enemies to Lover fic right up until he isn't.

Jiang Cheng's entire life has been one long soap opera, and it is showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

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was for ShuAke Week of 2023 <3

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The holy trinity of outsiders finding out stuff about TMA

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Make a confession, face your crush- Love Archives the new visual novel going to Steam- well, never, but I thought it would be funny.

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Oscar really chose the most unstable, fucked up guy to dedicate his damn life to