tetam

[tetam]

through grace, 

with faith, 

always.

[tetam]

The narcissist and the empath

“do you hate me??” he asks. 

And to that, I can’t begin to imagine how an answer could be formulated. how the words that I have never articulated should have to be spoken, much less written. “How do you not know? How dare you ask? Can’t you tell?” And perhaps you really can’t. This is the worst part of it all. I guess we can never really estimate - gauge our impact. Perhaps that’s why we aim to do good and spread kindness no matter what. We never know who might help with tender words and attention, with a helping hand there and a phone call here. We never have to do much to be good people. It seems to me, it’s even more effort to cause pain, but I see how, in your eyes, the world is a place of conquest. An endless landscape filled with things to take, grab, hold and use -- never to appreciate or admire, never to send back into the universe so that it can play its role in the lives of others, to inspire and bring solace, to enlighten and bring hope in its pure form. To you, all pure things must bare your mark. Colonizing is simple, perhaps, even natural. You suffocate the plants before they reach maturity and you never realize. Must all beautiful things die at your hands? But here’s the thing, the profound emptiness in your heart is no else’s responsibility, but your own. You cannot continue to look left and right for a savior, the work you must do starts from within. I cannot help you with that. I cannot help you with that realization. I cannot teach you to care, much less to be kind. So it’s not hate that lives in my heart, but peace. Peace that I have prayed for and cultivated. Peace that I hold so highly and respect profoundly, because it did not come easily to me, my mind was never tranquil, it was always asking itself a million questions that frankly applied more to you than to me, but it seems to be that introspection is also a quality of the caring so, I do not even have the language to get to you. I am simply proud that I do not even try anymore. 

[tetam]

Growth // Resilience

In commemoration of the 28th anniversary of the Genocide Against Tutsi: 

thoughts racing, hands shaking, 

eyes on the prize, I’m destined to rise.

heart pumping, blood thickening,

these trenches are deep and wide, 

but allow me to abide,

allow me to confide,

on this side, there’s no sunshine or rainbows.

no pretty willows, 

no calm rivers where the water flows,

but this is how you grow 

your greatest men and women are the ones who know

there is nothing like failure to make you hungrier

nothing like grief to make you stronger

nothing like war to truly know peace

so I pick up my pieces, 

I fell 7 times, but I got up 8,

I never knew I could stand so straight.

I feel it to my core, I am made to be great

and with an eye that exists only to defy,

 it’s soon-to-be July, 

so doubt and worry no more, 

I mean truly, how could I? 

how could I when above me, there is a sky that has never given up,

and below me, there is a land worth for us all to make up?

I can only plant my feet deeper in this ground,

but make no excuses, I have no plans for another round.

The voices of my ancestors have sung hymns of 

courage and brilliance, of love and resilience, of pain and consilience,

thus I am strong for I know I have never been lonely, much less alone,

I exist because they have never ceased to persist and 

honor what they know is free and equally their own.

Through them I find me, 

for them, I live to tell their stories. 

We are one and the same so we cannot afford to ever forget,

never again.

[tetam]

*Favorite Scene from Dead Poet Society*

Todd: YAWP! Keating: There it is. You see, you've got a barbarian in you after all. Now, you don't get away that easy. A picture of Uncle Walt up there, what does he remind you of, don't think, answer. Todd: A madman. Keating: What kind of madman? Todd: A crazy madman. Keating: No, you can do better than that, free up your mind, use your imagination, say the first thing that pops into your head, even if it's total gibberish, go on, go on. Todd: A sweaty-toothed madman. Keating: Good God boy, there's a poet in you after all. There, close your eyes, close your eyes, close 'em, now describe what you see. Todd: I close my eyes, Keating: Yes. Todd: and this image floats beside me. Keating: A sweaty-toothed madman. Todd: A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain. Keating: Oh that's excellent, now give him an action, make him do something. Todd: His hands reach out and choke me, Keating: That's excellent, wonderful, wonderful. Todd: and all the time he's mumbling. Keating: What's he mumbling?

Todd: Mumbling truth, truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. [laughter] Keating: Forget them, forget them, stay with the blanket, tell me about the blanket. Todd: You push it, stretch it, it will never be enough, you kick at it, beat it, it will never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying, it will just cover your face, as you wail and cry and scream.

Keating:(whispers to Todd) Don't you forget this.

[tetam]

 The ‘Before’ Trilogy

I watched the first Before, Before Sunrise, last month and I had no clue it was a trilogy. I just discovered it this weekend and I was so excited because I love this kind of filmmaking. It’s subtle, it’s unpretentious because it’s not claiming to have a big message to spread and you don’t have a sense that the actors are acting at all. I loved that they are shot like a theatre play; long takes, same day and big focus on the dialogues. One thing I realized while watching the first one was that so many filmmakers don’t know how to write love. As in, they have NO CLUE what two people who are in love talk about, how they communicate. Typically what you see in films, after the initial interest between the lovers is established, are a couple of edited takes where you see the lovers DOING many seemingly fun things, laughing, exploring, fucking maybe, but when do they talk? how do they talk to each other? that says a lot about people, about lovers. i mean, are they friends? do they constantly project themselves in the future and that is the only reason why they are even together in the first place? HOW, from the exception of the attraction can I know that they are in love? ugh. but these films NAIL IT. In an article about the trilogy, a journalist said that the third film was the best because the first two were about the possibility of love, while the last was about the reality. I, 100%, agree. The third was the most difficult to watch, but that is when you see the love persisting. lasting. that is when you see it being work. not just a fleeting feeling. I have enjoyed the trilogy so much and I hope we get more, I mean, we are technically in 2022 and that is 9 years after the last one... maybe it’s not too crazy to expect “Before Dawn” sometime soon;)? 

[tetam]

had a few administrative problems with the account (switching secondary blogs to primary blogs ugh), but I am back!! regular posting will resume soon

[tetam]

When will you let the world recognise your talent?

thanks for stopping by🙏 & well, working on it right now🤞

[tetam]

your body has the right the reflect all the battles your mind has been fighting to keep you afloat. be kind to yourself.

[tetam]

it almost sounded provocative when Allison said that, except it was too true. As a girl, you have to figure out what you can handle being categorize as before you understand what are your true needs and your own identity. i mean, no wonder sexual liberation for women typically occurs at much later time in their lives...

both of them are so widely different, but when Allison was speaking intimately, directly at Claire, it wasn’t because she was assuming to know her, but because that experience is so common to most girls in HS - as the only other girl in the room, she knew that basket case or not, princess or not and anything in-between, one cannot escape that brutal sexual categorization. you’re boxed in whether you like it or not.

[tetam]

the hardest decisions in life don't always require more time

or thought.

they require heart.

a lot of it.

[tetam]

"Wow, I got so lucky!"

No,

I deserve it.

[tetam]

This is no fear, child.

No fear of failing to be great, but rather of discovering that I am great beyond measure.

[tetam]

Note to Self: You have the right to keep your standards high, as high as you embody them.

[tetam]

Whew i’m not crying, you are🥺

[tetam]

Semicolons

i've decided i won't kill myself in this lifetime;

i've decided there's more than a hundred reasons to stay around, but mostly i've decided that i have no interest in afterlife;

what kind of stories can they even tell out there? i prefer the ones about us; i'm happy to be flawed; i'm glad there's redemption, i'm proud to be doing my best despite all the uncertainties; there's beauty in pain and love, true love in everything we can't control;

i'm okay now even when i'm hurt; i think we are all so beautiful, how come there's so many different faces? i think we should all remove masks and marvel in our glory and graces; apparently, there's 37 189 coffee places - just in the US; imagine worldwide? and all the libraries, the beaches, the museums, the galleries....

afterlife is inevitable, but this right here is worth all the while; no need to rush - but imagine, all the things you can see, feel, breathe, touch, smell and especially create...

you give life, you know that?

you're divine, you feel that?

you deserve to, you should; there isn't just a life out there, but within you; so rich, so vaste, so timeless;

i hope you know you are the only home you need - all the other ones may be beautiful pursuits and wonderful desires, but you are all the pieces of the puzzle and to be honest, you don't ever have to put them together;

they are wonderful on their own,

each piece - a story of its own;

but if you ever decide that they are better all together, i hope you know that one perspective is never the full story;

i'm not being precautionary, i'm simply saying - don't look for finality, closures, endings or conclusions;

a period a the end of a sentence is brutal anyways;

over here, we prefer semicolons;

[tetam]

she could have had a fantastic life, but instead she had a fantastic story.

it's the price she had to pay.

[tetam]

23

There’s so much life in between the lines.

Stories that beg to be told, legends that dare to live on. Sometimes, silent conversations can birth entire nations too.

I’m grateful you pay attention. These moments are fleeting and somehow you always think of ways to immortalize them - in your heart and on paper. I do not know if this ink is eternal, but there is no limit to the depth of your heart. I hope you know that.

23 years young. I’m sorry, but you will look 14 for a long time. It doesn’t really help that you stayed the same height too. But here is what I can tell you.

No grass will ever be as green as the one you water. The vastness of this sky will contrast with the delicacy of your humanity, but the ocean will awaken your infinity. Both are important. Both will bring you solace and inspiration.

I hope you decide the sun is precious. Countless stars in the universe and maybe you cannot claim favorites when you have seen so few, but it does not take a space tour to know that there is no such thing as a life that's better than yours.