Last Seen Blogs
just a vent blog because my main got too many followers and i don't like having that many eyes on my neuroses. i just need somewhere to get my thoughts out. idc if you interact or rb or anything
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Text
i just need someone to tell me im lovable
#you dont even have to be the one to love me. its ok#i just need to be told that maybe someone will eventually#even if its not true#chatter
0 notes
Text
manifesting!!!! teehee don't mind me
i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car i hope i get hit by a car
0 notes
Text
i need to stop talking abt body image issues with people who don’t have a double chin
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
the slow shift from 'i want to attempt suicide and fail so people realize i'm actually struggling' to 'i want to attempt suicide and succeed'
0 notes
Text
tired of the fear of pain of suicide being the only reason i'm still alive
0 notes
Text
finally breaking my agreement with myself and getting high on multiple consecutive nights just to get out of my own head. vaguely aware that this probably will go downhill very fast but i can’t even bring myself to care
0 notes
Text
almost died today in traffic and ngl i kind of wish i had
0 notes
Text
need to get back into fandom posting so that i can have clout again. not bc i care about it necessarily but so that i have some level of public value again so i’ll stop being a back burner member in my friend group that people tolerate at best
#and also bc my current oc obsession has rotted through the ‘people entertaining me’ phase and is finally settling into the#everyone else is too burned out on me talking abt it all the time to rlly hold any interest#which is fair and i knew was coming#but which sucks bc the obsession has not lost Any fucking ground#so i need to win some clout back so i can balance out my annoying-ness#otherwise i worry my friends will all drift off to spend time with their cooler more interesting friends#and if that happens. well. lights out for little ol me most likely#not that that would be a bad thing. they deserve to be happy without entertaining me like a temperamental toddler#i need them to leave me so i can die without hurting them#maybe ill just keep at this actually….#chatter
0 notes
Text
i need to stop talking abt body image issues with people who don’t have a double chin
#it always just fills me with anger and jealousy and then with guilt and even more self hatred#about to say some truly selfish hateful shit i am aware is wrong and cruel which is why i’m saying it here —>#like oh my godddd im soooo sorry your family told you you needed to be a bit skinnier#you are extremely conventionally attractive and skinny with pretty hair and good clothes#people like you at a glance. people give you the fucking time of day#you have dated multiple people. multiple people have wanted to DATE you#i’m always the fucking outsider in these conversations because they’re always so… personal?#in that like. “oh i know im okay looking but my brain won’t let me think it”#like damn that sucks. i’m actually ugly and nobody will let me fucking forget it#but do tell me more about your pretty partner you love who fell in love with you instantly#i’ll be over here walking behind you realizing i’m twice your width#and wondering if there’s a way to put out a lifetime’s worth of artwork and creation so that i can get this stupid hopeless life over with#i will die unloved. i don’t even fucking care anymore#i just want to make some decent art people might like and be done with it all#chatter#sorry i need to get this off my chest Now so i can push my mood back up and not be snapping at people. im so good im so fine#i hate myself but thats a me issue. time to go have fun
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
thank god no one knows im quietly suicidally unhappy except my 0 follower secret sideblog. really on track to healing methinks
0 notes
Text
the constant reminder that my friend group has friends beyond me and are getting more by the day and are getting perpetually happier and i am just slowly backsliding into fucking unlovable nothing because i am physically incapable of making friends now that i'm not a pre-burnout young teenager
#i try so hard not to be like. “i need to be the center of your life and attention”#i like that my friends have friends#but everyone i know is making more friends and i'm just.... losing them. so slowly. but i am#i feel the noose of total isolation tightening and i know ill kill myself when it cinches#its just a matter of when. i guess#tw suicidal ideation#i guess#chatter#yes i am jealous of my friends who are confident and likeable to strangers. yes im a bad person. i wish i was dead#whatever
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
excruciating self-awareness of a guy who knows he's annoying the fuck out of everyone around him but is nothing but a puppet to the silly little teehee neuroses that demand constant attention to the point of self-destruction
#literally why am i so fucked#i dont know how to be a less selfish person. ive tried for years#and outwardly im fine#but inwardly im eating mylsef all the time#i wonder if i have the pills to do it here somewhere#probably wont cause im a pussy. but who knows#cool that i can go from decently happy to this with no warning. cool that i am never safe from it#to future me: you will be me imminently and without warning. proceed accordingly#god#chatter
0 notes
Text
nothing i make will ever mean absolutely anything because i as a person have nothing to say. i am no one. i have experienced absolutely nothing of note. everything bad that's happened to me has been ultimately impermanent and entirely my own fault. i keep trying to pour meaning into my projects from an empty well.
#i really should kill myself#maybe then someone can pick up my projects and put meaning into them for me#i hope they treat my guys well. they mean a lot to me#chatter
0 notes
Text
you will spend every day fighting to like yourself fighting to be happy fighting to want to live and then you will look in the mirror and realize that after everything you still absolutely despise yourself and then what is even the fucking point
#i will never be satisfied with anything i will never be happy#i will forever be a snake eating its own tail#might as well go step off a bridge and bite my head off#save myself and everyone else the goddamn trouble#chatter
0 notes
Text
cool that my brain can just fucking tank itself and force me to back out of a situation i am genuinely enjoying myself in
#did my fucking rsd trigger or what i have no idea#just went from yaay funtimes:) to Your Friends Are Better Off Without You#i just wanna play viddygame and now i feel like throwing up#i wish my fucking brain worked. i wish i was a likeable person. wish i was dead#chatter
0 notes
Text
how is this blog getting notes
#how are people finding me#tumblr isnt searchable until you dont want to be found. i guess#i dont really... CARE? i guess? i was just kind of bewildered#chatter
0 notes
Text
my friends are all so much smarter than me
#i usually dont mind but. god. its so much effort to keep up#so much better at worldbuilding and research#im killing myself for my projects and they just. pale in comparison#so happy for them. i wish i didnt mentally peak in like 8th grade#chatter
0 notes