#zoldyck abuse

[headcansxfanfictions]

Why isn’t Illumi the Zoldyck Heir?

Illumi seems far more fit to be the heir than Killua:

1) He is a dutiful assassin (at least in the beginning)

2) He is the eldest child

3) He takes pride in the Zoldyck legacy

4) The only thing going for Killua to be the heir is his strength and potential

So what is stoping Illumi from being the heir? Here are a few theories:

Theory #1: Illumi is an illegitimate Zoldyck:

What if Illumi isn’t Silva’s kid and thats why he isn’t the heir. Kikyo was only 17 when she got pregnant with Illumi, so it is reasonable to wonder if she had Illumi with another man before she married Silva. He certainly looks nothing like Silva.

Theory #2: Illumi was originally the heir but was pushed too far in his training and “broke” becoming unfit for the position:

This common theory is based of Illumi’s stoic nature and lack of typical emotional response or understanding. Illumi is obviously messed up in the head and being raised as a Zoldyck their is no wonder why.

According to this theory Illumi was sort of Kilyo and Silva’s guinea pig for how they wanted to raise the next generation of Zoldyck assassins. The theory is that they put him through too much and “ruined” him.

The theory often says that Kikyo and Silva did too little with Milluki cause they were trying to correct their mistakes with Illumi. But with Milluki they did too little and he became lazy and slacked off. But with Killua they think they have found the perfect happy medium to create the assassin they want to lead the family.

Theory #3: The heir is born a transmuter with white hair:

Zeno, Silva, and Killua have three things in common:

1) They have white hair

2) They are transmuters

3) They have all been the heir

So which one of these or combination of these do you think is the reason?

[headcansxfanfictions]

This is so true. I always have a moral battle with myself about wether upbringing and trauma takes some responsibility off of an individual. Like on one hand an adult is responsible for their own actions but on the other hand you can’t separate someone from their trauma. You see this with ex-cult members who believed what they were doing was for the best or even a type of love. Or when a severely abused person snaps and attacks their abuser, in court this may lower the charges on the defendant if they were being abused by the person they attacked.

The Zoldycks is the perfect fictional example of generational trauma. Throughout the story we see Killua struggling to break parts of that cycle.

One of my favourite parts about HunterXHunter is the moral battles it arises.

Honestly, Illumi breaks my heart. I understand why some people hate him, but he's treating Killua the way he was treated :( I really hope he would realize what he's doing is wrong. Illumi and all the Zoldyck kids deserve to be happy and free.

This pretty much encapsulates what I feel about Illumi Zoldyck. Besides Alexei Kirillov from Demons, he is my very favorite character in existence–of anything, anywhere. I totally get why people don’t like him but I think his history of being abused, plus his age difference with his siblings–how he’d have had no one to talk to growing up–is just so tragic that it utterly breaks my heart. Togashi does seem to understand the nuances of his situation plus he’s Killua’s shadow, so we will see. I do hope he can break from his family and be happy and free, but it’d definitely be a very painful process. 

Illumi’s a traumatized kid reenacting his trauma because he desperately wants to believe his parents loved him and everything they did was love, so he can show Killua he loves him by acting the same as their parents. And no matter what, he cannot earn their love and approval (since they rejected him as heir)… and he never will be able to. It’s Killua Just Because. He can never earn their love. They don’t love him more than someone loves a car. 

Illumi’s refusing to grow up, really. He’s clinging to his childhood, his parents, his family, because he thinks it makes him mature, but really it’s crippling his growth and maturity, because letting go and accepting that he’s not enough for his parents, that he can’t earn love–that would fundamentally alter his worldview, and it would be terrifying. If Killua is able to forgive Illumi (and I do think he loves Illumi), he’d still have someone, but. Their relationship needs a looooot of work.

[sssuper368]

What do you think his favorite new jeans song is

[flowerofthewave]

[killugon-truther]

“illumi loves killua, it’s just toxic/twisted.”

illumi literally views killua as his property that is his to control as he pleases. all he ever does is abuse & manipulate killua, so how about we stop calling it “love” and start calling it what it ACTUALLY is?

wanting to constantly control, manipulate, hurt, & abusive someone is NOT fucking love, pls learn that, and fast. it’s a bit concerning and incredibly disappointing that some of you don’t know that already, seriously. 💀

genuinely, get some help if you think that shit is “love”.

[ravenzeppeli]

You Dare Disobey Me, Girl? |Silva x Reader Angst|

Warning: brutal spanking, language, nudity, humiliation, sexual themes/discussions, physical abuse.

      Silva stood in front of you, his huge 6'6 form towering over you like a skyscraper, his blue eyes hard and menacing, body ripped with muscles. He made you feel so small and fragile- he could tear you apart if he wished.. that was the exciting part about working here- the rush of always being just so close to death. "I don't like when you act out Y/N, I found you nine years ago trusting you and taking you under my wing. Treating you as my own. Why would you dare to break my trust? Look at you now, in deep shit."

       You were completely naked, humiliation being apart of the punishment as your hands were tied above. You looked up at the metal bar, a sigh escaping your lips as you studied the rope. "I wasn't breaking your trust, I was just overwhelmed that you wanted Illumi to marry me. I didn't mean to run

away, I was going to eventually come back once I had time to think." You didn't like Illumi at all, he had no personality. You sound much rather marry Milluki, at least he speaks kindly to you.

         "You dare disobey me, girl? In my own damn house, acting so keen about everything. You are going to pay," he snapped, taking his thick leather belt off. He shook his head, silver hair resting on his broad shoulders. "You will marry Illumi and you will have my grandchildren. You knew that I would seek that in you, you knew Y/N. That is why I trained you so brutally for all of these years." His bright blue eyes traced down your body, staring at your womanhood with intensity.

         Your cheeks flushed red at the utter humiliation of all of this, knowing that he stares on purpose to humiliate you. Ever since you turned 20 he had begun a new phase in your punishing.. it was painful and embarrassing but in a way you liked it. The pain that once made you go insane was now turning you on wildly, making you grow wet with anticipation for your beating. "I'm sorry I disrespected you."

        His eyes traced up your body, full focus now on your breasts.  "You're going to be very sorry once I'm done with you. I was generous enough to allow you a warning the first time but that came with a promise that you wouldn't run away again. You broke that, so now I am going to beat your ass. Do you understand me?" He questioned, his black shoes padding against the hard ground, now standing in front of you. The leather belt was at his side, taunting you.

          "Why do you have to stare at me like that? What's the reason of staring at someone you will never have anyways? I belong to your little son, shouldn't he be the one to do this since I'm being forced to marry him?" You questioned, tone sharp.. you quickly regretted smarting off to him by the look in his eyes. Suddenly, you were fucking terrified.. your heart rapidly skipping a beat.

          "I could have you and take you right now if I wanted, my wife and I would use your body up.. separately and together. We would break you and next time we will, rather you are Illumi's wife or not. You will be handled," Silva snapped, slapping his large palm across your face with force, a snap gasp escaping your lips as your legs went weak. If it wasn't for the chains that tied your hands you would have fell to the ground. "You will marry my son and you will have our grandchildren. Or you will have mine, and I won't treat you well. Illumi will, do you see how well I treat my wife? I've never put my hands on her unless she asked."

         You shook your head weakly, "how could I marry a man that I don't love? At least give me more time to love him Silva, he hardly speaks to me. He hates me." You looked down, blood dripping onto the floor in front of you, the left side of your face throbbing. You wanted more.. why couldn't you just marry Silva or Kikyo? Damn it, this sucked.

         "He will be back in a week, you will marry her next day. You had seven years, I refuse to wait any longer. Now it is time for me to punish you," he said, walking behind you, his hand resting on your back. "He will learn to love you and he is willing, I already asked him and he said that he would treat you well. You will live rich and you will never be out of work. You will have a great life, just as you do now. Stop being stupid, now apologize to me."

           "But what if Illumi wasn't the one that I desire? What if the one I desire is someone else, someone that I owe my life too," you said, staring into his eyes. It was wrong to love Silva, so wrong.. but everything in this world was wrong. You were wrong. "I love you Silva, please let me be with Kikyo and I promise that I will make the both of you happy," you begged, tears falling down your face. You haven't cried in so long. "I love you so much, please love me back."

           Your desperate and lonely heart clung yo both him and Kikyo those seven years ago and you've been in love with Silva and slowly falling in love with Kikyo ever sense. You usually spent every waking moment with Silva.. how could not fall in love with him? It was impossible to avoid, now you are stuck marrying his stupid son who has the personality of a fucking plank. That was why you ran, you had to escape all of this but instead of letting you go he had to find you. This just wasn't fair at all.

         Suddenly a whip sound filled the air, the hard leather belt crashing on your ass with such force that it knocked the wind out of you, a loud sob escaping your lips, your legs trembling. The motion repeated two more times, the two harsh smack causing your entire body to tremble, a harsh burning sensation lighting your ass on fire. Again. Again. Again. He wasn't letting up, leaving your confession unanswered as he beat you, a low grunt escaping his lips.

         "W-why?" You sobbed out, your legs finally collapsing and giving out. You were hanging by your hands, that being the only thing keeping you up. Despite how uncomfortable it was you couldn't stand.. you were in too much pain as the leather whoosh began to attack your spots.

          "I don't love you in that way, Kikyo and I love you but we have no romantic feelings towards you. Illumi does and he is who you will be with- a man your age. He's my son, if you love me then you can love him," spoke Silva, continuing to harshen his blows. You felt the welts forming on your ass, the bruises that wouldn't heal for a month.. this was your reality. "Apologize and I'll stop. You're bleeding, it is only going to get much worse for you." 

          "I-I apologize!" You cried out, causing the leather belt to finally drop. You sobbed, entire body now shaking.. it hurt so bad, your ass throbbing, hands cramping.. you shouldn't have said anything. You should have never ran away.. you knew that this was bound to happen sometime.

          "Good, I'll come let you go and clean up in a few hours. For now just think about rather you want to wear white or another color next week. Perhaps red, it compliments you" he muttered, walking out the door and leaving you alone to suffer in pain.. just as he always did.

[kiame-sama]

Twin Eclipses- (Yandere!Illumi x Reader)

Warnings; yandere, mention of abuse, coercion, threats, mention of being threatened, unfair situations, female bodied reader, mention of past noncon, mention of birthing troubles,

You stood on your porch, watching your rambunctious pair of little ones run and play. It was tough being a single mom and having twins- tougher than anyone can imagine- but you loved your kids and all their wonderful quirks.

The village you currently lived in was tucked away in the mountain side and thankfully there were plenty of retired elderly folk who just adored your sons. The extra hands to help care for your boys made your life somewhat easier, allowing you to have much more freedom than you would have otherwise. You were content where you lived and you were thankful for the people who lived around you.

The two were both boys; born about 12 hours apart from one another. They were a unique pair in both personality and temper.

From their births you knew they would be special, the very celestial bodies oddly timed to the both of them. A solar eclipse occured when your first son was born, his white hair turning black and blue eyes burning a red-orange. Twelve hours later a lunar eclipse occured when your second son was born, much like his older brother going from white and blue to black and red-orange. When their individual eclipses faded, their hair and eyes returned to how they were prior as you realized both of your boys used nen moments out of the womb.

The story of your life? Well, that one was more than a little rough, and you truly wanted to forget what happened and why you had to come to this village in the first place. At least you escaped your personal hell and managed to leave before anyone caught wind of your pregnancy. It was difficult to do so due to your mangled ankle, but you had still managed despite your struggles.

As you watched your pair play, you did your best to keep the dark thoughts out of your mind and just live in the moment. You still jumped when shadows fell over you and any sudden noise made fear strike into your heart, but it seemed they would actually allow you and your boys to live freely. Returning would mean imprisonment and your boys would be taken from you, so for now you were content to hide even if you were so close to danger.

Shadows played at the edge of your vision and you caught yourself glancing around every now and again just in case your mind wasn't playing tricks on you. So when you caught a flash of white from your left side among the trees, you felt almost frantic.

"Boys! It's time to come in!"

Despite the unison whine of disappointment, your two five year olds both shuffled inside, neither taking note of your increased panic. But of course, life wasn't going to pull any punches for you. Before you could enter your home, a man that was all too familiar emerged from the trees.

His white hair and piercing blue eyes pinned you to the spot as three others emerged as well. Nothing could stop your heart from flying into a panic as you observed the four men who now silently watched you. Some level of relief filled your mind when you didn't see him join the group, but his absence only slightly lessened your fear.

There certainly would be no running, because you already knew they would easily catch you and your sons would never be able to keep up. That left you two options to choose from, first; stay where you were and allow the men to approach, or second; go to them.

A rather strong part of you argued against approaching the dangerous men, but you approaching kept your sons farther away from harm. The choice was clear, even if you didn't like it.

Closing your door, you mentally psyched yourself up for what you feared would happen, forcing your legs to begin moving. You could feel the eyes of the four men trained on you with predatory precision as you approached, only heightening your stress as you limped towards the group. When you came within ten feet of them you finally stopped, staring at each man in turn.

"(Y/n), it certainly has been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yes, it certainly has been, sir."

"Come now, there's no need for such formality. After all, you don't work for us anymore."

"Force of habit, sir."

The first to greet you was an old and familiar face, his eyes wrinkled at the corners and his stature was quite small in comparison to his associates. You knew the man well as you had primarily worked under his command when you worked for the family.

What family, you may ask?

Why, the Zoldyck family, of course.

Maha, the eldest of the family, had been the one you worked with the most out of the rest of the family members and so, he was the one who you were most familiar with. Standing among him were his grandson Zeno, his great-grandson Silva, and your father, Gotoh. Where you would have been thrilled to see your father after so long, the reunion was bitter due to the rather unfortunate circumstances that led to you fleeing the house of Zoldyck.

"I take it you found my message?"

"Yes. Quite the clever hiding place, he would have never thought to look there."

"Does... Does he know about... Them? About me?"

"No. Illumi has not been informed and has been kept out of the loop, so to speak."

"Then why are you here?"

Dread was weighing heavily in your heart and your more accusatory words only served to deepen that dread, not at all feeling the confidence your voice held. You knew what they were capable of and you didn't want to give them a reason to be upset with you, but what choice did you have? It wasn't only you at risk now.

"I believe you already know the answer to that. Your boys, both having white hair and blue eyes, they are clearly of the Zoldyck bloodline. With Killua away from the family and having no interest in returning, the family is put at jeopardy without a potential heir to the mantle that is head of the family."

Your heart thudded with a hollow feeling in your chest, fear flooding your veins. You knew there was a possibility of them coming for your sons, but you had always hoped they would just let you and your family be. Of course they would be interested in your boys, they did hold a clear familial resemblance after all.

Despite knowing that begging would do nothing to sway them, you couldn't help the pleading tone your voice took.

"Please... They're just boys. They don't know anything about their heritage. Please don't take them from me."

"(Y/n), I know it was not your choice to have them in the first place but you must understand, the future of the family comes first."

"They aren't members of the family. They're bastards."

"A bastard is still family by blood. Even you can't deny the similarities. They are Zoldycks, the both of them. Their Nen alone proves their familial ties."

There was little more that you wanted to do other than run, taking your boys with you, even if you knew you wouldn't get very far. You had hoped that because your sons were bastards, the rest of the family wouldn't be interested in them, but clearly that was just wishful thinking.

"Please.. You- you just don't understand why I can't hand them over."

"I do understand, child. They are your sons as much as they are Illumi's and you care for them greatly."

"That's not all..."

"What is it then?"

"Illumi will kill them."

A silence fell over the clearing as Maha's eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise, clearly not expecting your words. It was then Silva spoke up, his deep voice sending terror straight down your spine.

"Illumi wouldn't lay a hand on them. He doesn't harm family."

You surprised even yourself with the humorless and dry bark of a laugh that escaped you, the fragile illusion of confidence quickly dissolving around you. Memories of those cold doll-like eyes flashed through your mind, each horrible thing done to you replaying in your head. His low hissed threats ringing in your ears and turning your blood to ice.

"Yes. Yes he will. I didn't get injured due to some freak accident like he forced me to claim... He..." You slowly pulled your lame ankle towards your other leg, "he did this to me. He said it was so I couldn't run from him anymore. He knew what he was doing to me was wrong but he didn't care. Every day, he threatened to kill any child I may have if I ever tried to run. You know as well as I that Illumi doesn't just casually threaten unless he intends to follow through. I ran, he will kill them, that's why I took such extreme measures to ensure he wouldn't find that letter."

You looked over your shoulder towards your home, two pairs of eyes glimmering from the windows. There's no way your boys could even know the danger that was before them or the fact that the four strange men who had arrived at their home were members of their family. You hadn't spoken much to your boys about their family and you honestly dreaded the conversation you would one day have to have with them.

"He can't harm them if he can't get to them."

"What do you mean?"

You looked back at the second oldest Zoldyck, Zeno, as he closed his eyes in contemplation.

"If they are protected by the family, he can't hurt them, not without extreme consequences."

"Yeah, but he's welcome to hurt me as much as he wants."

Your words held a certain level of venom to them, thinking back to the hell that was your life for the last year you worked for the family. It was hard to not be bitter, knowing that even if you had spoken up about the abuse you suffered at the hands of Illumi, no one would have believed you. It was hard to ignore evidence of that abuse now though, as there were two new lives that resulted from it.

"Child, you know I would have sided with you had you come to me about it."

"No, you wouldn't have and you damn well know it. The family comes first, right? What's the word of some expendable worker when put up against any member of the family? No one cared. Countless others heard and even saw what he did to me, no one said a word."

Maha stood in silence at your harsh reply and you already knew you were right. You didn't have to call him on his bluff to know you were right.

"You are their mother, and they clearly love you," Maha nodded towards the window of curious eyes, "so you would be protected as well."

"Someone should tell that to Illumi."

"He won't be able to get to you-"

"Oh, like he wasn't supposed to be able to rape me? Not like it happened every day- oh, wait. It did. Every day I screamed and begged for mercy, every day he told me no one cared and that I was as useful and expendable as any other fuck-toy."

"(Y/n)-"

"No. I was in labor for too long to say I didn't suffer in agonizing loneliness for the sake of my family. I gave birth to the both of them while I was alone in a freezing cabin before anyone came to help me. I cut both umbilical cords myself. I almost died because I was too exhausted and weak by the time the second one arrived to feed them before the neighbors decided to check on me. The elderly folk in this village are more family to them than any of you. I raised them to be better than the monsters you call children. You want another heir? Make one yourself! Leave my sons and I out of your robotic murderous clan!"

You were surprised at the way you actually snapped at the assassins, your pain and anger far outweighing your fear of the men. Honestly, you'd sooner die fighting than let them take a single child from you. They seemed to realize you were not in the mood or place to agree to anything, let alone give up your sons for them to train as killers.

They were smart, and they knew eventually you would be unable to keep going as you had been and would truly need them, especially with the way your ankle had been mangled. To some degree, they understood your anger and sympathized with what you went through. Though you had not been married into the family, you were still one of the most trusted of their workers and now you were the mother of the next generation. You are family.

Maha and Silva were both particularly fond of you when you worked for them, Silva even telling you how much he trusted you with his family. You practically served them your entire life before you ran, and they had failed to see what was being done to you. But, there was no doubt they truly respected you after all you went through and all you did to protect your sons despite the great toll it took on you physically and mentally.

Your now mostly silver hair was a testament to how much you had sacrificed for your children and how great the toll had been. Though your face was still youthful, the darkness around your eyes told of hardship and endless sleepless nights. They would have to tread carefully while deciding what course of action they were going to take. On top of all of that, they also needed to ensure your safety and the safety of your sons especially regarding Illumi.

It truly seemed to be out of character for him to threaten his own progeny or a member of his family. Then again, so were the deplorable actions that Illumi chose whenever he caught you alone.

The proof was there with your hidden letter, clips from security cameras in the estate, all time-stamped and compiled. Literal days worth of footage showed the depraved actions of the eldest Zoldyck son towards you. When you collected all of it, you even debated throwing it all out to save what tiny shred of dignity you clung to, but you needed the truth to be known.

Hiding the envelope and its contents so Maha would find it but Illumi would not was no easy feat to accomplish. If you were caught there would be no escape for you or the life that had already begun to grow inside of you. You left the first chance you got, but ensured to hop places several times before settling in a village on the far side of the same mountain range as the estate. The hope was that Illumi would dismiss any nearby area after his initial search, making it a safe-zone between where he searched and where he lived.

You chose to be close to danger because Illumi expected you to want to run as far as possible.

Just as the men had appeared, three of them practically vanished with hardly a trace. Only Gotoh stayed for a moment longer, his eyes full of sorrow and regret now that he finally knew your reasoning after you disappeared. He must not have been told the full story or shown the collected videos- not that he would want to see them anyway- and they must have decided that learning your fate would hurt less coming from you. Ever the emotional stone walls, not even family matters seemed to bother or surprise the Zoldycks, but you and your father were far more human.

In the end, he could find no words that would not add to the embarrassment, stress, or sorrow you had to live with. What could he say? He was so relieved to hear you were alive and relatively well, having given up hope a year after your disappearance. But to have the first meeting after so long be colored by his worst nightmares come true.

It was bitter-sweet, and you knew there were so many things that should have been said, but neither of you could voice them. He followed his masters, ever the faithful servant, away from your home and your sons. You knew it wasn't going to be your last time seeing them, you knew how they worked and how persistent they could be. They would need to back off and reassess the situation they now had on their hands.

This left you standing alone, trying to figure out what you could do to explain these events to your sons. You wouldn't put it past the Zoldycks to try and kidnap your boys, so you knew you needed to warn them to not trust anyone approaching them. Though it would be difficult for you and your two sons, it still needed to be done and you needed to keep your little family safe however you could. Even the feeling of being watched did little to deter you from returning to your boys who awaited you inside.

[gearbox-doll]

Hahaha hyperfixation go brrrrr

TRANSZOLDYCK --

A transid term for when one is/wants to be/feels like they should be a Zoldyck; a member of the Zoldyck family from Hunter x Hunter.

Colors based on a) common colors in the character designs (pale blue/purple, white, black), b) blood (red), and c) colors associated with the powers of the Zoldycks (purples, blues).

Could be considered a subterm/microlabel under the transfamily umbrella.

TRANSKURTA --

A transid term for when one is/wants to be/feels like they should be a Kurta; member of the Kurta Clan from Hunter x Hunter.

Colors are based on the colors of the Kurta robes, both Kurapika's and those of others we see in flashbacks like Pairo.

Could be considered a subterm/microlabel under both transfamily and transculture.

[jilted-love]

Fuck it. Headcanon that Killua "stole" Gon's nen. Sealed it tight as fuck. Threw it at the bottom of the Dark Continent. Gon should have had it back after Nanika healed him. But Killua thought "nah Gon will probably just sacrifice himself again when he loses his cool" so Killua said fuck it and asked Nanika to put a padlock on Gon so he doesn't fuck up his life again. That's the reason Killua left Gon without worrying what Gon might do again. Gotta separate Nanika and Gon so Gon may never figure out why he's back to "ordinary" and will never find a way to get his nen back unless he finds another creature like Nanika which Killua is fairly sure is next to impossible. Gon is gonna be so angry when he finds out.

[thatphantomtroupelady]

~An Escape~

---------------|Prompt 1: Wishes|--------------

Ingredients: killua-centric, Zoldyck style abuse, canon-typical violence (altho more detailed bc it's written), angst, hurt without comfort, PTSD, nightmares, feelings without plot

Characters: Killua, Illumi, Milluki

Summary: Long after his attempt at running away from the Zoldyck mansion, Killua continues to suffer from terrifying nightmares

Word Count: 0.5k

"What can you even want?" Milluki pants out.

Killua slowly blinks, his head spinning with each agonising hit from the whip. He clenches his pale scarred hands into fists, the clinking of the chains matching the tremors in his body. The words don't sink until moments later, when another hit lands diagonally across his cheek. He can barely see with his left eye now, cheek swelled up with the multitude of calculated hits on the same spot, a steady stream of blood dripping onto the dirty floor from the fresh source. What can he want? What is that even supposed to mean?

As if in answer to his thoughts, Milluki yells again. "You have everything. You're the entire fucking family's favourite fucking child. And yet..." He pauses, as if unsure whether to continue his tantrum verbally or physically. Tantrum. Killua snorts. The term fits his older brother only too well.

Milluki's eyes widen. Before Killua has time to register the sudden change, a pale muscular hand emerges from behind-- one he knows only too well-- locking its fingers iron-tight on his throat. Killua gags, struggling to breathe. Struggling to keep himself sane. Struggling to break out of his chains and run. Run. Because that's the only way of escape he knows.

Jet-black locks brush against his swollen cheek, and Illumi steps out from the wall behind him, wrist twisting at odd angles to accommodate the painful grip on his throat. In a moment, their eyes are locked. Fearful blue against empty black.

"And yet, Killua..." Illumi too pauses, but this one is devoid of any possibe attempts at humour. This one is calculated, meant to draw out his suffering. "... you dare run away from your responsibilities? Run away from... home?"

Home? The word tastes bitter on his tongue as he absentmindedly echoes it back. "This is not home."

"Oh but it is." Illumi's eyes widen, not in fear-- but, warning; as if to capture every inch of his terror. "This is the only place you belong, Killua. And so..." A hollow smirk mangles his features. "... this is the one place you cannot run away from."

Killua loses his ability to speak. To think. To breathe. To retain any sense of his self.

And he wakes up, fists whiter than the sheets they clutch, body covered in a layer of cold sweat. But also, he doesn't. Because his mind is still there. Still there in the haunted mansion-- the place where he spends nearly every single one of his nights. Because Illumi is right. He can't run away.

And that's the one thing he has always wished for. To be able to run away. To finally be able to live in the moment. To escape.

[ao3feed-assassin-class]

Started with the Crescent Moon

Started with the Crescent Moon by Aktinidia

It's dark.There's flashes?Memories?There's these scenes playing over and over again.A girl, dark long hair, she's wearing a kimono with a bandana on her head, what looks to be emojicons decorating it.Her eyes are light blue, similar to the sky on a sunny day, skin pale, like snow mixed with a touch of vanilla.Her smile so bright it challenges every star in the universe.He can't see it but somehow he knew it.Her kimono was dirty near the bottom, partially ripped, it'd have to be fixed.Why are such minuscule details so important to him? Why did he care?There were other images appearing and yet she was the sole focus of his attention.In the other images there was blood, pools of it.Enough for an opaque layer of paint.For some reason this caused anger to rise within him.He knew he couldn't run forever... run?When did he start running?Why was he running?And from who?Suddenly there was a light and then a blurry scene.A forest, the sky was peaking through the leaves, the sun making colors shine where it hit.He was looking up while on the ground, he didn't understand why?Didn't understand where he was, how did he get here?Where is he? Credit to cannonly related things of ass class and hxh goes to their creators.

Words: 1642, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Hunter X Hunter, Assassination Classroom

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Killua Zoldyck, Ritsu, Akabane Karma, Korosensei

Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crossover Pairings, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Past Child Abuse, Minor Character Death

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47821588

[luvf4ngz]

MAKE A MESS! - where my faves like to cum <3

ft. jason todd, illumi zoldyck, choso kamo

Contents: Breeding, Mentions Of Starting A Family, Oral (Male Receiving), Reader Wears Makeup, Mentions of Cervix Fucking. Handjobs, Cum Eating, Dacryphilia, Overstimulation, Slight Possessiveness

Word Count: 1164

It’s him you’re tasting so reverently.

JASON TODD

Jason doesn’t understand why you always do that, but he can’t say that he’s complaining. The sight of you savoring his cum, staring up at him with doe eyes blown dark with lust - face flushed, moaning as you allow it to sit on your tongue never fails to bring a heated flush to his face. And when you swallow it down greedily, sticking your pink tongue out at him to show your now empty mouth?

It makes him hard again every. single. time. 

Whenever you give him a handjob - when your smaller hands work up and down his fat cock, stroking over every vein and sensitive spot - it doesn’t take long before he’s finishing. His load is thick as it flows from the tip of his cock, dribbling down his shaft and coating your hands. It always ends the same. First you gently lap up his seed, looking up at him with those soft, needy eyes as you clean him up, before you raise your dirtied fingers to your mouth, sucking off his cum from your digits with a satisfied hum. 

It makes his cock spring back to life, harder and redder than before. 

And now he’s inside your slick walls, pummeling into you at a hard and rough pace. He just can’t control himself. No matter how much he wants to be gentle with you, your addictive moans and warm walls just make him lose all control. Low groans spill from his mouth as his hands grip the soft flesh of your hips tighter. 

His cock is so big that it nudges at your cervix every time he bottoms out, and it’s so girthy that he stretches you out like no other. You’re left cockdrunk beneath him, able to do nothing but let out wanton whines and dig your nails into his back. Each drag of his walls ignites the fire in your stomach, each hit against your sweet spot has you seeing stars, the pressure in your lower stomach increasing more and more.

He pulls out when he feels he’s close to finishing, large hand pumping at his glossy cock as he aims at your stomach. It’s a warm, sticky mess that splatters against your skin, and again, you do it. You reach your hand down, scooping his seed onto your fingers before bringing them to your mouth.

Your tongue sticks out to collect the salty liquid, running up your digits sensually, before you push the two fingers into your mouth and suck. 

Fuck. 

He’s hard again.

Does it taste good? Do you genuinely like it? Or do you just do this to tease him?

He doesn’t know, and at this point he never will. All he knows is that he needs to feel you wrapped around his cock again. 

ILLUMI ZOLDYCK

This man is obsessed with breeding you. Everytime he fucks you, there’s sure to be a messy white ring at the base of his cock that drips down his balls to dirty the sheets. You’re not sure how he has this much stamina, but you can’t say you’re surprised - considering his training and occupation. 

You feel so fucking full. You’ve lost count of how many loads are inside you, heating up your insides and acting as lube for Illumi to keep fucking you harder and faster. 

The slick sounds echoing the walls are almost too much, making the tips of your ears feel hot from embarrassment. Each thrust from Illumi makes sickening squelching sounds and achingly loud wet slaps. 

You’re going crazy, drooling and moaning against the pillow as Ilumi continues to have his way with you and abuse your aching cunt. There’s so much cum inside you that it’s leaking out, flowing out the sides of Illumi’s pale cock to smear against your thighs. 

“I’m going to fill you up so well, my dear. I’ll start a family with you. We’ll make such strong children. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He murmurs lowly, voice dripping with dominance and lust, fingers digging further into your hips. 

It’s overflowing at this point. Illumi’s cock is covered more and more with a white sheen every time he pulls back.

You’re so sore, it makes you want to cry. The overstimulation makes your body tremble against the bed, filling your brain with static and your veins with lava. 

You feel wet. Messy. Dirty. But still you can’t help but want more.

Illumi’s hips stutter a bit, and you feel him twitch inside you. He groans as another flood of hot cum fills your womb, making you moan out. 

S’too much. S’too hot. You’re too full.

Your thoughts are slurred, head shrouded in heat.

Illumi stills for a bit, chest rising and falling heavily, until… he starts moving once more - hips drawing back to slam against yours again and again and again, until you’re sobbing and gasping and shaking.

He won’t stop until he really knocks you up this time. 

CHOSO KAMO

It’s Choso’s guilty pleasure to see his cum painting your face. He wonders what all the other sorcerers would say about you if they found out you had such lewd preferences. 

There’s just something about seeing your pretty face ruined by him that makes him go crazy. Your mascara always runs down your cheeks when you go down on him. It’s not that he’s ever particularly rough with you, but the length of his cock alone is enough to make you choke and gag, your lipstick always smears against your cheeks and stains his pretty cock with whatever color you decided to sport that day. 

The slurred moans you let out against his cock turns into soft vibrating rumbles, urging him to tangle his fingers into your hair. He tries not to, but he always ends up taking control. He uses his grip on you to urge you up and down to his liking. Each time you hollow your cheeks or move your tongue against his length makes him lose his mind.

When he’s close - when his stomach tightens up and his thighs clench; when the coil inside him unravels along with his mind - he pulls you off of him to blow his load on your face.

You somehow still look innocent, even with his seed dripping from you. You stare up at him with those pretty eyes of yours that he adores. 

There’s something so intimate about this - about your precious face being tainted and ruined by him. It almost evens stirs a hint of possessiveness in him. He relishes in the fact that no one is able to do this to you but him. No one can see how your tongue darts out the lap at the cum dribbling near your lips, no one can see how the white sheen mixes with the colours of your cosmetics, no one can see how you drag your fingers across your face to push his cum into your mouth. It’s him you’re tasting so reverently.

It’s truly a sight to behold. 

Thank you so much for reading! A comment or reblog is much appreciated. Have a great day <3

- sumi ☆ミ

ミ☆ masterlist

@toruslvt (ゝω・）

[flowerofthewave]

Let's make our own mistakes.

for @greedislandchallenge

[killugon-truther]

the urge to make an analysis on how killua is absolutely wonderful, positive, & incredibly accurate/realistic representation of a (child) abuse victim & survivor, as well as the also accurate/realistic ways the zoldycks (milluki, silva, zeno, kikyo, & illumi specifically) go about abusing & manipulating him, bc they're different but also ultimately similar & SO well-written/interesting.

[heliianth]

mini meta because i cant get this fucking scene out of my brain:

its one of my fav Alluka scenes because its a sneak peek into her frankly miraculous emotional intelligence that simultaneously contextualizes it. She's still a little kid. Alluka is a smart cookie who can properly recognize and identify what people are feeling, can generally guess why they're feeling it, and get an idea of what would make them happy. But that "feeling" is hate for her, and what would make them happy is her disappearing. Really heartbreaking.

but the way Killua responds is also pretty fascinating to me? like, he pivots so fucking hard LOL. And I get it, it's such a loaded question. Would the Zoldycks be happier if Alluka was gone? Realistically, the answer is no... but admitting that would require a self-awareness about his family and his abuse Killua doesn't have yet. He probably doesn't even know how to answer, doesn't know what the answer even is.

So instead of digging into that can of worms, Killua cocks his own shotgun and fires back another loaded question: "If I were the only one who loved you in the whole world... would that make you sad?"

There were like a dozen other, much safer ways to both avoid this question and comfort Alluka. It's not even a full dodge, it's directly related to Alluka's fear via implication (the rest of the family doesn't love you). And it's not like Killua hasn't verbally weaseled his way out of tougher conversations. So... why?

I'm gonna try to truncate my full thoughts because I literally have a WIP 5k+ meta about it and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole, but Killua projects onto Alluka and Nanika a lot in this arc. Keeping that in mind, I think this question is his best, most earnest way of comforting Alluka because this train of thought is what's comforted him in the past.

I mean, think about it. Someone who will love and accept you no matter who you are or what you've done? Just one person who doesn't care? He's putting himself in the position of Alluka's Gon-figure here. And if you buy into that, the followup—"I'll always be there for you. Don't worry about anyone else"—reveals how a portion of his subconscious saw his emotionally dependent relationship with Gon as well; that is, as a comforting means to psychologically avoid confronting harder questions about himself, his upbringing, or how other people view him. It's kind of no coincidence that the minute Gon is wholly and totally incapacitated and Killua starts mucking around with the revolutionary idea of boundaries, he immediately starts thinking about his family again (in some manner).

And as an indulgent aside, I want to point out that when he ends up sending Nanika—who is, unlike Alluka, a subject of Killua's darker and more self-hating projections—away and Alluka fights back instead of internalizing it, Killua immediately recognizes the irrationality...

...because it breaks the mirror.

anyway. squeezes and shakes them like squeaky toys