#zoe's mailbox

[discoidal]

hi! you recently reblogged my post about writing and added "my mom asked me a few months ago why I keep writing about lactation". can you like say more about that

hi! this is mortifying and i apologize but that is a real thing i just keep writing shit about lactation. i had galactorrhea a couple years ago, which is basically nipple/milk discharge unrelated to any pregnancy or childbirth. it was fucked up. so i write abt it!

i had published a short story (this is how we get thru this) abt divine child pregnancy and now am working on and posting a very different story w different themes that also features lactation as a device (baby birds). Not a kink thing and i did not mean for it to be alarming or whatever.

[sunflowergirl522]

🎶 I love the idea, I’ve never done one like this before so I hope I’m doing this right, but Wes Reeves is a really great artist! It gives total fairy core vibes. I’m a sucker for most of her songs but Never-Ending Summer is a bop! I’d love to hear some of your song/artist recs!

I hope you’re having a good holiday season so far! They’re tough but there’s always a little bit of fun in there 😀

You’ve absolutely done it right! I just listened to some of her songs and I fear I may be hooked!!! Flowers in My Hair already has me in such a choke hold!!!!

Lately I’ve been listening to so much Laufey and Renee Rapp 😁 and I’m impatiently waiting for the new Benson Boone song to come out

[phantommaws]

Hey Holly ✨ How are you?

I saw your post so here I am with:

- I love AAO 💖

- Do you plan to draw more art in the future (maybe for AAO)?

- What's your favourite trope?

- Any song rec for my Hange playlist?

💖

Hi Val, I’m doing pretty good tonight all things considered. Thank you for asking these questions, let’s get to it! ✨

1) AAAAAAGH I nearly cried when I saw that. It means so much to know that people are enjoying my work because I wasn’t expecting it. Against All Odds is the first piece of fanfic I’ve ever written that is not about the 80s ThunderCats series and with the content that I have planned for it, I can safely say that AAO is my favourite piece I’ve ever written.

2) I absolutely plan on creating more art in the future and potentially dusting off my drawing tablet (can you believe it’s been seven months since I last made a proper piece of digital art?) And I have a TON of stuff I’d like to draw for AAO, including but not limited to Levi and Hange’s children and a few other scenes as well as a reference sheet of Hange so that people can visualise the way they look with their badass scars from the Rumbling :)

3) Man, that’s a hard one. I have a fair few that I like and I don’t have a particular favourite but one of the ones I like best has to be enemies to lovers

4) OOOOOH song recommendations for your Hange playlist. I have a whole Spotify album dedicated to them haha 😅 Here is the link :3

[witchthewriter]

𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆   𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄

Paid story for @yourwinchesterbros. Word Count: 3.1k Warnings: swears, SMUT no one under 18 read this please, i.e., rough sex

ᵐᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡⁱˢᵗ

Jax decided to drive both of you over to his place, pick the boys up and go to the park. You agreed, because … you didn’t really know what the boys liked to do. Jax found your anxiety a tiny bit humorous, only because you were so riled about it.

    “I mean, what if I say … the wrong thing and they hate me forever? I don’t want to be the evil stepmother!” You said while the two of you got dressed.

 “Babe, they’re not gonna think of you like that. I promise,” he said and gave you a peck on the cheek. Rolling your eyes, you zipped up your boots and went to feed your own two boys. They were waiting patiently at their bowls, both tails wagging when you made their food.

   With Jax in the shower, your mind wandered to all the things that could happen. Fuck, what if one of them gets hurt on my watch? You thought while placing the silver bowls on the ground.

You weren’t expecting things to go well. That’s just how your mind worked sometimes, okay ... all the time. Low expectations meant you couldn’t get hurt. That whatever went wrong was bound to happen anyway. Basically, you were a supporter of Murphy’s Law.

You were already dressed and waiting on Jax. So, you decided to do a bit of tidying up, which turned into cleaning and when Jax came out of the bathroom, he saw you with two gloves on, heavily scrubbing the benches.

   “Babe! It’ll be okay. They’re just kids-“ Jax had your face in his hands as he spoke, so you had nowhere else to look but in his eyes. Eyes that seemed to look straight through you. To see everything you were feeling.

It made your stomach flip. He truly believed his sons would somehow adore you. Just as he did. Oh, the folly of men.

You rode over to Jax's place on his bike and the whole way there you couldn't stop panicking. Children frightened you a little, but what you didn't realise was that Jax could feel your heartbeat through his back.

And at one point, he lightly slapped the side of your thigh. It was his way of trying to get you out of your own mind.

The ride felt shorter than usual and as you hopped off the bike and undid the helmet, you followed Jax up to the house. It was just like any other house. It was middle-class; clean, and well-maintained, even the lawn had been mowed. The mailbox stuck out to you, and you didn’t know why. Maybe it was because of how weird a biker in a gang would have such a normal, everyday, and mundane … thing. It wasn’t rusting or chipping either...unlike yours.

   With one knock to the door, Jax opened it and went inside. With you right behind him, he squeezed your hand once and went to find his boys.

Oh fuck, okay here we go, you thought, looking around the place. Hell, it was clean. Cleaner than your own home. Well, Jax would have hired a cleaner, or at least, Gemma would have. But if you ever moved in with him, would you still keep the cleaner around? Would Gemma still come around as often?

It was these weird thoughts that sometimes kept you up at night. Were they stupid thoughts? Over the top? Were you thinking too far ahead? Calm down, you thought to yourself. And tapped your thigh right where Jax had before.

  Your mind was snapped out of its cage when you heard the sound of heels on tiles. Holding a breath, you saw ...that Wendy wasn’t there. Unbeknownst to you, Jax had had a conversation with her the night before. It wasn’t a fun one either. But he did make things clear, as well as assure Wendy that her boys weren’t being taken from her.

  Gemma stood there with her arms crossed. Was she glowering at you? No, no she was sizing you up. Once again.

   “The way you handled Wendy the other night was pretty badass, Zoe.”

Some people would see that as a compliment but there was something sour in her words.

Before you could reply, Jax came out with two blonde-haired boys.

Abel and Thomas were hesitant as they clung to their father. All three had blonde hair, and the thought made you smile. For a split second, you wondered what coloured hair your baby with Jax would be, but instantly you scolded yourself. Don’t think so far ahead! you thought.

Abel was the easiest one to get along with, all you had to do was ask him about his toys and off he was, running around his house trying to drag you along, showing you all the different rooms and what he used them for.

   “And in that one we do number ones and number twos,” he said brightly while pointing to the toilet.

  “Whew, that’s good to know,” you responded with a laugh. Jax howled with laughter, while carrying Thomas close to his chest. Jax held onto Thomas, who didn’t want to leave his father’s arms. Not because he didn’t like this new stranger, no, he’d been around strangers all the time. It was just that right now he got all his father’s attention. Finally.

   “Isn’t that right, daddy?” Abel said with such innocent eyes.

“Absolutely,” Jax huffed, and scruffed his son’s hair.

   But he wasn’t done. Once Abel got someone’s attention, he had to keep it.

“And this…” he swung open the door, “is my bedroom!” He opened his arm in a ‘ta-da’ kind of way and then ran to his bed and jumped on it.

   “Woah man,” you said. Trying your best to be as interested as possible. And it was interesting to see the little knick-knacks in the toddlers room. It was blue, with shelves full of photos and race cars. And a LOT of miniature toy bikes.

   Jax followed you guys in and took in the picture before him. The three people he loved most in this world. His two beautiful boys. And the woman he’d been waiting for.

  “Hey, you guys wanna go to the park?” Jax said and both the boys screamed “yes!” Even Thomas let his excitement show.

Fuck Murphy’s Law, you thought. The sun was shining, warming everyone’s skin, not a cloud in the sky. The playground was empty except for the four of you, who were currently in a very serious game of tips. Abel was it, and he had to tap the closest person so then they would switch. In a child’s mind it was perfectly logical. But explaining it to Thomas was a bit of a challenge. He was just happy to cling to Jax.

  Whenever you looked over at Thomas, he buried himself further into his father’s chest. Almost covering himself with the kutte. God, if you weren’t seeing a lot of Jax, then these poor boys barely saw him. A pang of guilt hit you in the chest and you felt a little sick. You hadn’t even thought about the boys and what Jax meant to them.

“No, no ah!” You yelled as you ‘ran away’ from Abel (you couldn’t help but go easy on the kids. If it were with other adults … then your competitive nature would send you overboard.)

  Abel’s tanned arm reached out and tugged at your shirt. “Got you! Got you!” He screamed in delight, his little mouth curling in a big smile.

    “Zo is it!” Thomas babbled, giggling near his dad. The first time he acknowledged you. It made you beam. Maybe this was the reason people had kids … for some validation.

Looking at both boys, you curled your fingers, and you did your worst evil laugh. Abel screeched happily, jumping to the upper level, and running to the slide. Jax held Thomas’ hand and slowly ran away from you, hiding between the swings.

    “Ohhh, I’m gonna get you!” You said to Jax, who looked at you with a sly grin.

“I would like to see you try-“ he replied, trying his best to hold in a smile. Being suave wasn’t actually that easy. Especially while playing tips.

  But you took off, and without even moving, Jax let you jump onto his back and down to the ground. Abel and Thomas screamed in pure excitement.

   The little boys piled on top of you two, squealing and giggling, they could barely stay on top because they were so small.

    “We got you Dad!” Abel said, holding onto your back.

“Yeah, we dot you!” Thomas echoed, giving his father a kiss on the face.  He was going to be the sweetest thing on earth. You just knew.

Your things were sitting on the park bench not that far from the playground. But Jax didn’t hear his phone ring. He placed it in your bag and actually forgot about it.

   For once he wanted not to be interrupted, to have time true family time. Because he learnt from his past. And wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again.

  But that meant he missed a call. Well, a few calls actually. Ones that would change the course of club business.

  On the drive back home, you looked at Jax and spelled out “I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M?” He only responded with a deep belly laugh.

   “Yeah, I reckon we can do that.”

By the time the boys arrived home, their faces were covered in icecream and sprinkles. Much to Gemma’s dismay.

   “God, now they’re gonna be running on the roof,” she said with a huff. But you knew it was an act. She loved that the boys were spending time with their father.

   “It’s alright Ma, I’ll clean them up.”

“Yeah I know you will,” she said like a whip. Her hands on her hips as she led the four of you inside. She ran the bath, and although the boys were filthy, they both whined.

   “C’mon, Zo loves baths,” Jax said, adding bubbles and toys to the tub.

“Y-yeah, I do! They’re great!” You said enthusiastically, doing your best to persuade the two little grubs to get clean. They looked like the lost boys from Peter Pan.

  When the tub was full enough, the boys still wouldn’t get in. Both with crossed arms (Thomas just copying his brother), they refused.

     “I bet,” you said with an idea in your head, ”that you’ve never had a bath with your clothes … on.”

And their eyes lit up.

   Gemma rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“I mean a bath is a bath right?” You said to Jax, who looked at you with raised brows.

    “I mean … yeah.”

After the boys were cleaned, Gemma was almost adamant that the two of you leave. You could feel the ownership radiating off of her.

  Like leaving a lioness’ den, you got on the bike and Jax took you home. Gemma watched as you two sped off, and when she turned to go back inside, you could have sworn her tail followed.

  When Jax dropped you home, he finally looked at his phone. You could see the concern on his face, but something in you told you to back off. To give him some privacy. Hey, maybe it wasn’t club business for all you knew. Maybe it was a big day for him as well.

Barely giving you a kiss, he waited for you to walk inside and sped off.

The club business had Jax fired up. And when he got to your place, he harshly knocked on the door, then started pacing back and forth.

   “Coming,” you called, slipping on your pajama pants. Reaching the door, you yanked it open and saw a frazzled Jax Teller.

   “Shit,” you said plainly.

“Yeah, shit,” he said darkly.

Moving aside, he stalked in and did not take a seat.

  “Do you want a drink?” You said letting the door click closed.

“I- I don’t know,” he started pacing again, and you realised you were seeing the real Jax. The one that no one else saw. The one who did all his thinking by himself.

   “Yeah, I know what you need,” you said slightly wide-eyed. Half of you was worried for Jax, and the other half was … excited. Excited that your relationship had progressed to letting each other see one’s breakdown.

In the kitchen cabinet sat a heavy glass bottle of brown liquor. It was something that Skeeter had made at home. You tried it before, and one glass was the equivalent to four standard drinks.

Getting out your nicest drinking glass, you put in a few ice cubs and two shots of the liquor. Before closing the lid, you took a swig and scrunched your face in reaction. That shit was strong.

    “Here,” you said and sat down. Finally, he followed your lead.

For some reason, it was only now that he could take a deep breath. When you handed him the glass, Jax’s fingers lingered over your own, needing to feel your touch. It was then that he started to calm down. Down a step, then another.

 Jax drained the glass and looked at you with the hunger of a wild animal. Pure lust in his blue, glowing, eyes. Heat travelled from your face, down your neck and in between your thighs. Fuck.

  Prowling over to you, Jax picked you up with ease and laid you on the carpet floor. Your long hair now a messy crown around your head, the tv became background noise, as Jax became mesmerising in his pursuit of pleasure.  

Biting down on your neck, he claimed you as his. With his hands clutching you tight, moving your top further upwards, he kissed at the exposed flesh. Groaning at your taste. The smell of you turned him on, let alone how you looked, how you walked and talked. The whole of you was like a need for him. Sustenance, nourishment; he needed you.

 It was as if you both had that same thought. Jax needed Zo. And it was a race to have all of you.

With swift movements, he pushed your clothes from your body, grabbed ahold of you, and twisted you around. With your face to the ground, he pushed down your pants and ground against your bare ass.

   “Jax,” you whispered and in response all he did was growl. Fuck, you thought. You weren’t with Prince Charming tonight. He wrapped his hand around your neck and with his lips, pulled on your earlobe.

  Jax let go of you, only to undo his pants, and you started to move. But as quick as lightning, he pushed you back to the floor.

    “Don’t fucking move,” he roared and the heat between your legs turned to slick.  

 In a split second you were completely naked. You could feel the roughness of his beard between your legs, the warmth of his hands rubbing your thighs, his mouth was everywhere. All you could do was lay there, doing your best to slowly arch your ass closer and closer to his cock.

 Tonight Jax was full of aggression, of rage, of … tension. And he needed you. He hadn’t planned on having you face down on the ground, ass in the air. Such a pretty ass, he thought. And slapped it hard.

   “Ah!” You flicked your head towards him and your eyes grew red. Raising an eyebrow, he inclined his head.

  “No?” He grumbled. His voice was lower than usual. Gravelly, hoarse.

“Yes,” you said in a command. And an evil grin spread across his face. Within moments, your ass was red raw and it made your cunt even more sensitive.

    Seeing you in that position made Jax want to touch every part of you. His hands gripped your cheeks and spread them apart. You knew his face was centimetres away from your core because you could feel his hot breath against it.

  If it was any other night you would say something, but all you dared do was whine.

     “Shhhh,” he cooed, swiping his nose against the exposed flesh. Licking your folds, toying with your clit with one of his fingers.

  “You want me to fuck you?” He asked, almost entranced.

“Yes,” you whispered, and tried to move backwards, so his face was flush against you. At that, he laughed. But a hard hand slapped your ass again and you cried out.

    “I know you want me to fuck you…” and then his mouth was sucking on your cunt, his nose gliding up and down. “I know you do…” he murmured against you.

The tension in stomach was tightening and tightening, but you didn’t want to cum without him inside of you.

  “Jax-“ you whined, trying to get his attention. But he hands were firmly planted on your hips, his face completely buried in your ass, his fingers in your pussy, his mouth moving everywhere.

    “I’m gonna-“

“I know,” and then he undid his pants and let his hard cock spring free.

It didn’t start off slowly like it had the first time. No, this time around Jax was rough. He plunged himself into you, thrusting hard; in and out, in and out. The sound of his balls slapping your ass filled the room but you were too hazy to be embarrassed.

  “G-god,” you moaned loudly, letting his body pound into your own. Jax’s body was practically on top of yours, one hand around your throat, and the other around your middle, thrusting into you erratically.

“Fuck.” 

     “Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

    “What was that about.”

“The deal went through babe, I’m sorry – wait I didn’t hurt you did I?” Jax got up from the floor to look you over. Only a few hickies on your neck and breasts. Well, and some on your thighs.

 But you only laughed, a glint in your eye. Having his kneeling body right next to you was a sight to behold. Tanned all over, his hair messed, muscles bulging (may or may not have been flexing). He looked like a god. But to you, he was only a prince. Your prince.

   “I’m fine, Prince Charming, now go get me a blanket, I’m cold.”

“As you wish,” he said and got up, his cock dangling between his legs. You almost gasped. Yes, you were a mature grown woman, but seeing the male form always gave you a little shock. Especially a male form that had been inside you.

“I gotta talk to you about somethin’,” Jax’s voice was heavy and your stomach twisted.

    “…yeah?” You looked up at him and he sighed.

“I have to leave again, not as long as last time though. But I leave tonight.”

  You groaned and flopped back onto the floor. You had only just gotten him back.

“Hey baby,” he said with a smirk on his face, “at least you have somethin’ to masturbate over now.”

[girlreviews]

Review #162: Different Class, Pulp

I distinctly remember Pulp having their moment in the mid 90s. I was 7 when this record came out, and I burned into my brain is the sound of whatever cool young presenter was rotating in at that moment (I’ll say this was probably peak Zoe Ball/Jamie Theakston era) saying “it’s Friday, it’s seven thirty, it’s TOP OF THE POPS”, and you know, I really absorbed a ton of music being glued to that show so religiously but I particularly remember Pulp’s videos airing because I really felt it and was like, what is this?

That would have been either Disco 2000 or Common People, it doesn’t matter anyway because I love them both. There are a few songs in life that have massive commercial success and infiltrate general popular culture. Sometimes that can really spoil it, because it’s everywhere, it gets overplayed, people aren’t really listening to it, they’re missing the point. To be honest, all of that is probably true for both of these songs, but again it doesn’t matter because I’ve never stopped enjoying them. They’re just as good every time I hear them. Every time. How is that? How?

It’s the subject matter that they’ve chosen to focus on. A particular nostalgia and way of life. It’s the incredible detail that you only know if you know (wood chip on the wall). But mostly it’s the way the emotion seeps out of literally every sound, verbal and non-verbal. Sometimes Jarvis Cocker lets out these little tuts or gasps and you can just feel his disdain and the roll of his eyes. He whispers “Deborah” in such a way. He plays with his delivery and tone so that if you are paying attention you can pinpoint the exact points where he switches from sweet earnestness and sincerity to cutting sarcasm and biting, snarling social commentary that is seething in resentment. There are few artists that can take “ooooohs” and “yeahs” and pack it so full of emotion:

What are you doing Sunday baby?

Would you like to come and meet me maybe?

You can even bring your baby

Ooooooh, ooooh oooh ooooh oooh ooooh ooh

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh!

On paper, you read that and think, that’s not great. But you hear it, and you think, damn that’s really something. How? HOW?

That’s just Disco 2000. I really am going to have a hard time not writing an entire dissertation on Common People. It’s incredible. The intro is just iconic, and everyone always loses their minds when it starts to play any time, any place. Rightfully so. It’s so clever. It’s so particular. It captures so well this very particular British feeling of hating, loathing, and having such disdain for rich people who cosplay as poor. We all know someone who’s been that person and it just rubs you the wrong way. Musicians and creatives especially who like to play pretend that they are starving artists when really they have a nice little bit of mailbox money and couldn’t even comprehend the reality of struggling with actual poverty. Their romanticization of being “working class” is condescending, insulting and pathetic. Summed up perfectly by this song, and delivered with absolute perfection, as if Jarvis is really trying to hold back losing his shit at someone. There’s a part where he inhales and holds his breath for a second, and it genuinely feels like he is fucking livid. Seething.

“Like a dog lying in a corner

They will bite you and never warn you

Look out, they'll tear your insides out

'Cause everybody hates a tourist

Especially one who thinks it's all such a laugh

Yeah and the chip stains and grease

Will come out in the bath

You will never understand

How it feels to live your life

With no meaning or control

And with nowhere left to go

You are amazed that they exist

And they burn so bright

Whilst you can only wonder why

Rent a flat above a shop

Cut your hair and get a job

Smoke some fags and play some pool

Pretend you never went to school

But still you'll never get it right

'Cause when you're laid in bed at night

Watching roaches climb the wall

If you called your dad he could stop it all

Yeah

Never live like common people

Never do what common people do

Never fail like common people

You'll never watch your life slide out of view

And then dance and drink and screw

Because there's nothing else to do”

Fuuuuuuck. You give us all of that, and on top of it, it’s an undeniable banger too. Iconic. I loved it when I was 7. I love it now. I’ll never, ever, be mad to hear this song.

Moving on, which I’m proud of myself for doing because it’s difficult for me to not spend more time picking apart Common People. I could easily go on, but instead I’m going to talk about Something Changed which is quite a different vibe from those two singles. It’s very sweet, and has lovely strings in it, just about how your life changes when you meet someone new and fall in love. Everyone spends time asking questions about how you ended up meeting, what if this, what if that? It’s really lovely. You can meet someone and suddenly everything is different — for better or worse.

Giving a nod to Sorted for E’s & Wizz, which, again, through their talent of perfectly describing specific scenes — I’m taken back to days of frequenting muddy festivals or going to some raggedy show at a pub in Camden that really felt like it wasn’t structurally sound and that if we didn’t stop dancing the top floor might actually fall beneath us. But it was okay you know, because we had our drinks and/or substances. Except, then comes the days following, which aren’t so good:

“In the middle of the night

It feels alright

But then tomorrow morning comes

Ooooh, ooooh and you come down”

Yes. You do.

2020 was the 25th anniversary of Different Class, and on social media it was being posted a lot with the question of what song was the best from the album. Everyone had a lot of opinions, of course, but my correct opinion is that Underwear is the best track. If for no other reason than for this line:

“If fashion is your trade

Then when you’re naked

I guess you must

Be unemployed, yeah”

Don’t go too much longer in your life without hearing this song. It’s classic Pulp, that same thing: earnestness, longing, sincerity, mixed with resentment and bitterness. Delivered perfectly. It’s like hearing someone expressing that they want to save someone that they kind of hate.

Something I think about all the time. And I mean all the time. Is how at the 1996 Brit Awards, Michael Jackson was performing Earth Song. It was this very hammed up thing where essentially he was portrayed as the messiah and it really obnoxious (although I loved this song, but in a comical kind of way, once sang it at karaoke — do not recommend). Anyway, Jarvis Cocker was genuinely appalled at the display and rushes the stage to moon MJ. What should have just been an amusing moment turned into a whole thing. There were children on stage and he was even questioned by police. It was all fine in that there was no serious wrong-doing found to have taken place, but his mental health sure did take a hit after that.

BUT I SWEAR, I swear, and I can’t find it and can’t find any evidence of it, but I swear on my life that in the following few weeks, Pulp were on TOTP again, and they made light of the situation by having Jarvis performing from a set that looked like a jail cell. It’s so specific I don’t feel like my brain could be making it up, but it’s possible I’m wrong.

They had broken up or at least gone on hiatus by the time I was old enough to see them live, which really hurt my heart. Fortunately they would reunite occasionally and I did get to see them at Hyde Park once. Now they actually tour fairly regularly, and are even returning to North America after a long-ass time, who knows. Maybe I’ll see them again. Maybe he’ll cover Earth Song (again, do not recommend).

[remembertheplunge]

Alan Watts (a Buddhist philosopher who died in 1973):

"A Buddha is one who awakens from the illusion and from the thought that there is something to get out of life and that tomorrow will bring it to you."

In the World Trade Center on 9/11/2001, all were equal.

When the Trade Towers were hit by airliners on 9-11, all air travel was halted in the United States. The Skys went silent. 

Regarding this , I wrote the following journal entry on Saturday 9/22/2001:

“Zoe said about 11am today that since 5am, only 5 planes flew over her apartment house in San Diego. She lived about a mile from the San Diego airport run way. The planes flew directly over her  apartment house as they descended to land. 

Before 9/11/2001, a plane flew over her house every 10 to 15 minutes from 5am to 11pm.

So in 2000 on 9/22, before the trade Towers attack,  between 5 am and 11am, 4 to 5 planes an hour would have flown over Zoe’s house. That’s 24-30 planes. Campared with 5 planes during the same time span in 2001 on 9/22.

At our house in Modesto, we also are under the flight path of planes descending in from flights from the East. They are 10,000 feet above us. We can’t hear them, but, we can see them. On 9/22/2001, the skys were silent. Now, in 2023, when I see a plane fly over, I think, for now, we are not under attack.

9/22/2001 was to be the onset of the second wave of terrorist attacks via the mail laced with small pox or anthrax.

10/29/2001

Another terrorist attack could come this week. Remain extremely vigilant. Reports of Anthrax in the mail. US Supreme Court is shut down. First time sine it opened in 1935.

War in Afghanistan with a 1 billion a month cost.

10/24/2001

There is a terrorism Task Force.

Turlock puts up a yellow mailbox. You can dump in suspicious mail. It will be incinerated. Mail carriers wear gloves and masks. “Highest level of vigilance ever experienced. The 2nd wave!

The Vine radio station questioned listeners who are Not terrified.

I told Jim today that post the 9-11 attack) Modesto looks like a 4th of July parade that broke up and everyone is driving home. (American)  Flags, flags, flags! Ahhhhh. 

Even road side venders now push flags.

November 6, 2001

Today, fear of nuclear attack filters through the TV tube like anthrax filters through the envelopes.

End of this part of these entries

Note: Jim was my gay partner in 2001. 

[howlgrowlsnarl]

Is "The Middle" Overrated In 2023?

The Gonzo Journals March 6th, 2023 Yesterday, my wife discovered a very familiar package inhabiting our mailbox. A well-known film director from Amsterdam requested a copy of Starving Zoe ninety days ago and I sent it immediately. Three months later, it appeared back in my mailbox with no explanation. I can expect the book came back into my possession because the “middle” management refused to…

[jaketrains]

Jake & Friends: Reboot Series: Season 25: Series 1 (2023)

Characters

Jake Heaston

Zane Heaston

Rick Heaston

Kim Heaston

Grandbo

Jeanne

Leah

Sliver

Usually

Chris Kratt (PBS Kids and Amazon Prime Video)

Martin Kratt (PBS Kids and Amazon Prime Video)

Dr. Scott D. Sampson (PBS Kids and Amazon Prime Video)

Aviva

Koki

Jimmy Z

Wild Kratts Kids (PBS Kids and Amazon Prime Video)

Zach Varmitech

Donita Donata

Dabio

Chef Gourmand

Paisley Paver

Rex

Ryder

Chase

Rubble

Marshall

Rocky

Zuma

Skye

Robo-Dog

Everest

Tracker

Tuck and Ella

Rex

Liberty

Al (Pup)

Coral

(Cat Pack)

Wild

Rory

Leo (Cat Pack)

Shade

(Rubble’s Construction Crew)

Charger

Mix

Grandpa Gravel

Auntie Crane

Motor

Wheeler

Mayor Goodway

Chicketta

Julia Goodway

Julius Goodway

Mayor Greatway

Mr. Ducky-Doo

Mr. Porter

Alex Porter

Cap’n Turbot

Francisco Turbot

Tilly Turbot

Dr. Tammy Turbot

Taylor Turbot

(Ruff Ruff Pack)

Hubcap

Dwayne

Gasket

Mayor Humdinger

Kitten Catastrophe Crew

Harold Humdinger

Cheetah Humdinger

Helga Humdinger

Moby

McSquidly

Ace Sorensen

Tough Guy

Carmen

Marty Muckraker

Adventure City Camerawoman

Butch and Ruben

Kendra Wilson

Tony

Barney

Delores

Harris

Rocket

Danny

Arrby

Sid Swashbuckler the Pirate

Carols

Gus the Truck Driver

Mother Mer-Pup

Baby Mer-Pup

Kelp

Unnamed Mer-Pups

Katie

Cali

Shopkeeper Shelley

Farmer Zoe

Cafe Carl

Sweetie

Busby

Princess of Barkingburg

Earl of Barkingburg

Butler of Barkingburg Castle

Duke of Flappington

Jean-Claude

Claw

Sparks the Dragon

Speed Meister

Mr. McTurtle

Lily

Omar

Lucas

Juniper

Tyrannosaurus Rex

Timmy the T-Rex

Codi Gizmody

Elly-Dee

Park Ranger Rose

Camila (Rubble & Crew)

Mr. Hudson

River

Omar

Mandy (monkey)

Farmer Al

Ms. Marjorie

Maynard

Ladybird

The Copycat (Mr. Nibbles)

Hailey Daily

Thomas the Tank Engine

Gordon the Big Engine

James the Red Engine

Percy the Small Engine

Emily the Emerald Engine

Devious Diesel

Nia the Kenya Engine

Kana the Electric Engine

Kenji the Electric Engine

Riff and Jiff

Harold the Helicopter

Skiff the Sailboat

Carly the Crane

Sandy the Rail Speeder

Ashima of India

Beresford

Annie and Clarabel

Troublesome Trucks

Brake Car Bruno

Boxy

Whiff the Recycle Engine

Darcy the Driller

Sir Topham Hatt

Fireman Sam (character)

Penny Morris

Elvis Cridlington

Arnold McKinley

Ellie Phillips

Jodie Phillips

Station Officer Steele/Fire Captain Steele

Tom Thomas

Ben Hopper

Malcolm Williams

Rose Ravani

Sarah and James

Bronwyn Jones

Charlie Jones

Charlie Jones

Gareth Griffiths

Mike Flood

Helen Flood

Mandy Flood

Trevor Evans

Dilys Price

Norman Price

Derek Price

Mrs. Chen

Lily Chen

Moose Roberts

Joe Sparkes

Lizzie Sparkes

Hannah Sparkes

Bella Lasagne

Professor Pickles

Scoop Dooley

Krystyna Kaminski

Peter Kaminski

Radar

Nipper

Prince the Horse

Police Dog Shadow

Police Horse Kilo

Blue

Josh

Steve

Joe

Lola

Aly

Camila (Blue’s Clues & You!)

Magenta

Periwinkle

Rainbow Puppy

Mailbox

Sidetable Drawer

Malinda

Tickety Tock

Slippery Soap

(The Spice Family)

Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper

Paprika

Cinnamon

Sage and Ginger

Shovel and Pail

Firetruck

School Bus

Farmer McColl (Does Not Speak)

The Construction Workers (Cameo)

Drew (Cameo)

Unnamed Children (Cameo)

Unnamed Peoples (Cameo)

Cowgirl Beryl (Cameo)

Farmer Yumi (Cameo)

Luke Stars (Cameo)

Traveling Travis (Cameo)

Cletus (Cameo)

Mr. Wingnut (Cameo)

Mrs. Wingnut (Cameo)

Cora Colors (Cameo)

Toodles the Clown (Cameo)

Deirdre (Cameo)

Randy (Cameo)

Gustavo Goodway (Cameo)

Henry the Green Engine (Cameo)

Farona and Frederico (Cameo)

The Mayor of Adventure City (Mentioned)

Unnamed Adventure City Policeman (Mentioned)

Unnamed Adventure City Policewoman (Mentioned)

Scoop Dooley’s Cameraman (Mentioned)

Sally Thomas (Mentioned)

[mityenka]

hellooo whats ur opinion on structured poetry vs freeform poetry

HI ZOE thank you so much for asking! for a long time i used to prefer freeform because back when my only introduction to poetry were my english and german literature classes we were mostly given structured poems to analyze so to me freeform poetry felt refreshingly modern and less confined than traditionally structured works. i still like freeform but ever since i started to read more poetry on my own i've come to admire structured poems a lot more than i used to. i feel like nowadays a lot of people limit themselves to exclusively writing freeform poetry which is kind of sad to me because it makes for less variety and also because i feel like writing a poem with a set rhyme scheme and meter would be a great way to improve your writing because it does take a lot of skill to express what you want to say within the limits of a specific structure.

[mymarifae]

💗🌱🌈

before me - arcane roots

500 seconds before sunset - david maxim micic

[discoidal]

hi this is one of your mutuals being shy. how did you get into publishing your works with lit magazines?? i dont even know where to begin or how to be organized and Professional

HIIII omg i am not organized or professional at all and dw u can always talk to me<33 esp mutuals omg we're like already friends! just in case u want to stay anon tho, ill get this as detailed as possible under the cut; sorry if it gets long or wordy

anyways so i got into publishing after following jasmine from candied/spit for a long time, and i've found it's mostly a game of knowing your work and finding the right publisher market for it.

there are sites that like collect magazines and presses for ease of submission; i got started with submission grinder, but the most effective and convenient right now is chillsubs.com ! chillsubs has a browse feature with a bunch of filters; u can use those filters to find magazines that are right for u, for example like looking for specifically poetry mags or looking for specific demographics

once you've found smth u want to submit ur work to, u go to their site and usually they have a submit page with instructions on what to submit and how to. there might be some terms that you're unfamiliar with at first; u can always google them or ask me for clarification. if you follow those conditions, you'll get a better chance at getting accepted by that mag obviously. a lot of mags will straight up not read your work if you don't follow the submission rules or whatever.

mostly, in my experience, the mags have you submit by submittable (a site that you sign up to), emails, or gforms. they may ask you for a cover letter, which doesn't need to be detailed or formal; i usually just do a hi im zoe heres my shit thanks for your time peace out. think like office emails or emails to yr teacher; some litmags want it more formal while others are v v lax

they may also ask you for a 3rd person bio; thats the stuff like "zoe adrien is a megahot swagapino" or whatever. usually people take that opportunity to list previous notable publications ot credentials, but esp when you're starting out that doesnt need to be the case! you can put socmed or your website if ever, describe yourself, or you can even just joke. some litmags want a more formal tone; others will literally accept the "zoe adrien is a megahot swagapino" one, so while you can do just a rote one, i usually like to customize it per submission.

sometimes litmags have a "reading fee" which is where YOU pay THEM to read YOUR work; this does not guarantee an acceptance, and i try to avoid paying when possible. some other litmags have an "expedition fee" where you can submit things for free and it might take months, but if you pay the fee your work gets read faster or gets read straight by the editor; again, does not guarantee acceptance, but can be a good way to support a struggling lit mag that you're passionate about or get a quicker acceptance or rejection.

a big term that i remember being confused by is simultaneous submissions. that's the way i usually work, and it's when you have work that you submit to a bunch of markets simultaneously. this makes it faster for you, the writer, since you don't have to wait for markets to get back to you before submitting; otherwise, you'll have to do that, and esp with rlly prestigious litmags (literature magazines) the wait time can be months to years. sometimes though the litmags dont accept simsubs; that means if you submit to them, u submit to only them and wait for their reply before submitting again. theyre dicks if they do this imo but u gotta do what u gotta do

anyways, back on track. once a market gets back to you with an acceptance, you can accept their acceptance (thereby entering into an agreement or contract with them, especially if there's payment involved— note that payment isnt always involved). they might want to do some editing, but usually you'll get the chance to approve or reject their edits before it goes live. typos are common and you can absolutely contact them abt GETTING THAT SHIT FIXED!! (im still listed as zoe adrian in one mag anyway)

if you simsubbed like detailed above, especially if they have an exclusivity clause in the agreement, you'll then have to withdraw your work from the submissions queue of all the other markets. this is to say that that specific work isn't available anymore, as you have found a market for it. if thru email or gform u can just do a quick email like "thx this has been accepted elsewhere thx for ur time" and theyre usually like congrats and thts it

acceptance to publication usually takes months. usually, in my experience, the contract with the litmag will tell you how many months you have to withhold the specific work you've published with them from being published again. for example, i published with foglifter press and agreed for them to have six months exclusivity. if another market agrees to publish it, you have to make sure it's after the six months or the exclusivity period you agreed to, just to make sure no contracts are broken.

you're allowed to publish work you've published before again, usually if they are the first publication mags will ask that you credit them as where that work first appeared . while you are allowed to republish, a lot of mags don't accept "previous publications" so you have to check for that.

a lot of lit mags are online-only nowadays, but i've got a fair few print publications; print pubs will usually send you an author's copy, though in some cases you might have to buy it yourself.

now that i think (?) i've detailed the process, ill tell u smth: u dont need to be professional if u dont want to be! theres prestigious litmags, sure, and they should be paying better, but if you're content with small mags a lot of them are no fucks given. if you go off anon i could help you find some chill mags to start with; im very fortunate to have published with some cool people.

some small mags are my absolute favorites. being smaller, they sometimes only pay nominal author fees to you, or often they cant pay at all, but they can take more risks bc of that. their audiences, while smaller, might be more vocal and supportive. gotta shoutout my absolute fav indie mag, bodyfluids lit; they pay YOU 1 euro per submission and theyre my fav to work with, communication is so quick and easy, and i find almost all the work they publish to be right up my alley

if you can afford to be picky, i would say try to submit your work to magazines you yourself want to or love to read. ive gotten pieces published for relatively a lot of money but felt no joy in it beyond that money; meanwhile, getting published in wrong publishing and bodyfluids brought me so much joy and community. if writing was my main source of income or even a source i was reliant on, i'd have to be working harder for less joy, i feel

a thing i have to say when encouraging people to submit: you're going to get rejected. like a lotttt. it's not about you or the quality of your work, even, it's just that markets have specific tastes or themes and they have limited slots and maybe you mentioned bacon and the editor's hungry right now so they hate you for it and so they throw you in the reject pile. it happens.

publishing for me has been a game of so much luck and wild persistence and, im sorry to say it, thick skin. it hurt a lot when i first started, so much so that i stopped submitting for like 6 months after i got my first few rejections. you gotta keep trucking friens!!!

also im talking like i know sooo much i have like. 11 publications counting one that isnt even available anymore bc the litmag went down lmao i am a little baby! and i am unfortunately so lazy with submitting sometimes like i havent sat down and submitted to a bunch of places in like. 6 months. so yeah i dont know that much el oh el

omfg this is so long but i hope this wasnt overwhelming; theres so much more i want to say abt like readings and submission calls and themes and categories and shit. dont be overwhelmed tho, its usually a pretty streamlined process. again, it's a long game, but it's worth it to me :)) ask me anything any time! and i am SOOOO excited for you!!

[sunflowergirl522]

You seem like such a warm person :)

Stop it this is literally the best compliment ever and anytime I get it I wanna cry

[leehallfae]

JULES DID YOU START WATCHING SUCCESSION

YES I WATCHED SEASON 1 YESTERDAY !!! ITS SO GOOD

[lunariet-arc]

the aspect of longing, nostalgia?

NONNIE NONNIE NONNIE NONNIE   !!!!!

this is honestly such a great idea and one that fits with kaguya's motifs a lot   ?!   omg i am genuinely in love with this concept   !!!   it would explain not only everything that has happened to her in terms of her exile,   but also the turmoil that she feels on the inside because of this sense of unbelonging that just hinders her from truly making experience of the world,   from loving and being loved in return,   from feeling at home and at peace with herself.        so she is destined to long and long and long and long for something that has neither name nor location...   and maybe it's this same sense of emptiness that prompts her to try and aid those that she encounters   !!   especially those who are searching for a goal in life,   those who are lost and homesick,   those who are pursuing a destiny far bigger than their own,   those who wish to return to a place that no longer exist...   those who know longing as much as she does.

HHHHH I HAVE SO MANY FEELS ABOUT THIS   !!!!   bless you and your great brain lovely nonnie,   i am so excited about developing this more now and building a whole verse around it   !!!   ٩(*•͈ ꇴ •͈*)و ̑̑❀

[renegade-valley]

tag dump!

[sp00ky-high]

I have a question for you (the mun) - who, if anyone, do you ship Calculester with?

// Oz x Calculester is my number one Cal ship! //