#zhao Yunlan the lover that you are

[acequinz]

Listen... I know shen wei pinned for 10,000 years for Yunlan so he's clearly winning the fight.

But Yunlan who has no memories yet never being able to push away his need for Shen Wei.

Like Shen wei knows and sees him through his lifetimes and yearns and yearns.

But Yunlan doesn't even know what he's yearning for, even less who. But he still yearns.

Something about how even though his godly soul is almost shattered, most if not all his powers lost and he's mostly just a human now who knows nothing of himself but his soul never forgetting Shen Wei.

Always calling out to him and not even knowing he's doing it. Going through his life unhappy, thinking he just couldn't love and accepting it until he sees him and he finally finally feels complete like he's found everything he's ever wanted.

He's dreaming of a life with shen wei, in a big house, with two pets- a cat (daqing) and a dog(they will adopt in the future) and how they would play. He's dreaming of waking up late in Shen Wei's arms and sharing the sweetest of kisses and not needing anything else.

Shen Wei is dying in the background with guilt, wanting to pull away, knowing he would hurt him by simply existing beside him.

But Yunlan is all in. He doesn't care. He just wants and needs to be with shen wei.

I just fucking can't.

[stayuntilthefoglifts]

Kaleidoscope of death

"This is?" asked the newcomers, watching Ruan Nanzhu,

"My lover," Lin Qiushi said, "Nanzhu, come eat something?" sitting at the table.

Guardian

Shen Wei froze, momentarily sure that Zhao Yunlan was about to reveal his identity. But instead, Zhao Yunlan lowered his voice so that he sounded like an annoying brat."He's not an outsider-- he's my partner."

Silent Reading

Tao Ran said, “Going, we’re just going. He was worried, that patient in there is…”

Luo Wenzhou said, “He’s my lover.”

Faraway Wanderers

Zhou Zishu turned to him, the tip of his Baiyi sword slightly hanging, voice slightly harsh."You dare act against who’s mine?”

He's mine 🤝 Lin Qiushi 🤝 Zhao Yunlan 🤝 Luo Wenzhou 🤝 Zhou Zishu

[baiyubai]

"Shen Wei~~" Zhao Yunlan whined, but this time, Shen Wei was unmoved and unyielding.

"You know I can't, I am not built for that sort of responsibility," he continued, hiding his face in Shen Wei's shirt. Shen Wei simply adjusted his grip on the book and rose it higher, to keep on reading.

He still refused to deign his lover's whining with any kind of answer.

He could withstand it.

Shen Wei jolted a little when Zhao Yunlan's hands started to grab at him underneath the shirt, but years of acting as Heipaoshi allowed him to keep his face straight.

He would not cave in. The matter was too great.

"Shen Wei," Zhao Yunlan whispered weakly into the fabric, his voice weak and needy.

Shen Wei turned the page with merciless precision.

"I have no idea how to fit everything into the dishwasher," Zhao Yunlan muttered.

Shen Wei read the word at the top of the page again.

Zhao Yunlan was smart, he should figure it out.

That, and it was nice to have him so close, Shen Wei supposed. (by @the-marron I'm not worthy)

[dual-domination]

Wu Xie couldn't just sit by while Shen Wei was upset. He stood and rounded the counter until he was standing by Shen Wei's side. “Xiao Wei?” The memory of another man calling his lover the same thing echoed in Wu Xie's mind. Did he even want Wu Xie to call him that anymore? It felt too wrong to not use the affectionate name. “It's okay if that upsets you. It doesn't have to be okay. Please just tell me honestly.” He dared to reach out and place a gentle hand on Shen Wei's forearm. “I want to talk everything through. Please. We can't do that if we're not telling the truth to each other.” If it were any other day, Shen Wei would have lost his temper again and asked if Wu Xie was even telling the truth about anything in that damned tomb raiding world. Right now, however, all of Zhao Yunlan's worry and work in calming him down had not been in vain. How ironic that he was only able to let Wu Xie get close to him because the other person he loved, the one he had promised to protect and belong to forever, had driven him to this.

Ah yeah welcome to mine and @tazzy-ace 's agenda: 2 chapters in 1 week bc I delayed posting the previous chapter kjskjsjsk

[lunarriviera]

🌹

THE LAST THING ZHAO YUNLAN SEES are Shen Wei’s eyes, bright with tears.

They’re in that strange in-between space where they stand upon nothingness, surrounded by curved mirrors holding back galaxies, glittering and shuddering with color, a place where they’re set apart from their lives—their lives which are over, now, yet they’re somehow still attached to each other, after everything, as close as the lovers they never got to be.

Zhao Yunlan is struggling not to sob aloud, and from the look on his face so is Shen Wei, so instead they’re both half-laughing. Spots of pain throb high up on his chest and radiate down both arms to the palms of his hands. He can’t do anything about the way his eyes fill with tears. Around them, the light swirls in rainbow hues, but he can’t look away from Shen Wei. Shen Wei looks terrible, pale and hurting, though better than he had in Dixing, covered in scratches and smears of his own blood. Zhao Yunlan wants to cross the space to him, put his hands on him, know he’s real, know he still exists.

Space is as insignificant to them as time, now. He doesn't want to make a bet, doesn't want to wait. He only wants to touch. He takes a half-step forward, then another, and reaches out to catch Shen Wei’s hands in his own, just feels the warm skin brush against his—when suddenly, he’s not there.

Zhao Yunlan’s hands close on emptiness. He blinks—what?— and everything shifts and lurches, and he’s flung down onto the ground, hard, hard enough to knock the wind out of him. Fuck, that hurts—he lies there a moment stunned, eyes squeezed shut, until he finally catches his breath and opens them. Above him constellations wheel until he’s dizzy with vertigo; he sways onto his hands and knees, swallows against the sickness. Wills the world to stop spinning around him.

Closes his eyes deliberately, then opens them again. This time slow. Careful. On all sides of him everything resolves into soft, dark night. He’s in old Haixing, back in the mountains, but not with Shen Wei. He looks down to see the greaves covering both his arms, leather wrapped tightly, bound around his wrists, his hair hanging down, and wants to scream. He’s alone.

“Not this again,” he whispers, voice thready, and looks back up at the night sky, thick with stars.

send me 🌹 and i’ll give you a sentence from one of my wips ♥

[hils79]

Hils Watches Fairyland Lovers - Ep 4

Oh my god the cute little kid offered Bai Yu a lollipop and now I'm thinking about Zhao Yunlan and crying. DID THEY DO THIS ON PURPOSE?

And now he's giving the lollipop to Ji Xiaobing. This is fine.

CRYING AGAIN! Also, is he flirting with him?

He looks very handsome. Leave him alone. God, they're going to make him cut his hair aren't they? Let. Men. Have. Long. Hair.

This has suddenly gone a bit Carrie

Why are you handing her her bag? Can't you see she's busy ripping down posters?

Okay, I love that Bai Qi is mostly incredibly stoic and then he just calmly walks away and tries to bury alive the people who defaced Lin Xia's house and threw paint over her

He's very uptight. I think the only time I've seen him smile is when he was fighting Yang Jian. Does he relax at all?

Still confused about her age. Why is she carrying a bear around with her. But lol first he called her a hooker now she thinks he wants to pay to have sex with her

He seems to spend a lot of time in his pyjamas. This is not a complaint

Is he though?

I admire her 'the sofa is for plushies not for people' rule

I do enjoy how unsubtle Asian drama product placement is

That is an amazing suit

[lacommunarde]

For @guardianbingo April bonus prompt: ancestors (yes, I'm using Pangu as being ancestor to Kunlun here)

Summary: After Gui Mian's gone and Shen Wei's been told in no uncertain terms not to lie to Zhao Yunlan again, Shen Wei knows he should really tell Zhao Yunlan that he is getting memories that feel a lot like how he imagines reincarnation memories must feel for Zhao Yunlan, except he's pretty sure these are somehow Gui Mian's memories and memories of someone else holding heaven and earth apart and he's really not sure what that means for him.

--

The first few times Shen Wei woke up from a nightmare where the entire weight of the world was resting on his shoulders until it crushed him, he thought nothing of it. After all, he had had the weight of the world happen to him, all those years before, and then he had been the only one around to carry it. It made sense that now that he finally had someone to share the weight of the mountains and rivers with, now that he had Kunlun back to himself lying beside him in bed, only now was he releasing stress born from those years of carrying it. 

Every time, Zhao Yunlan murmured sweet nothings at him in his sleep to calm him and hugged Shen Wei even tighter, burying his face into Shen Wei’s shoulder, neck or hair in a way that did in fact bring Shen Wei peacefully back to the present and guide him back to tranquility and sleep.

But after the first few times, he began to have a more concrete idea of what went on in those dreams. 

He was holding a gigantic axe, much like the one Gui Mian had held in their several fights, and then lay it down on the earth and watched it start to grow foliage over the top before lying down by it himself. 

In another, he could feel the bright soul-fire as it landed and pulled him up out of the earth and out of his slumber, and then picking up a similar axe to the one he had put down and twirling it around and then grinning at another who looked exactly like him. 

That one he had a couple times. Going to the bathroom after it to wash his face and calm himself always provided a disturbing feeling of everything being wrong. But everything wasn’t. Everything was going so well. But then the feeling subsided and he tucked himself back in next to Zhao Yunlan, who once again nuzzled into him and called him saccharine pet-names until he slept.

It took several repetitions of that particular nightmare before he awoke with a realization that the one he was grinning at was himself, and that in that nightmare, he was none other than Gui Mian. 

The gasp he awoke with was loud enough to actually drag Zhao Yunlan to full consciousness, so that he propped himself up on his elbows and stared down at Shen Wei with a lover’s tender concern in his eyes.

“Babe, you okay?”

“Particularly vivid nightmares.”

“How long have you been having them?” Zhao Yunlan said it in a tone that said he knew Shen Wei had been having the dreams for a while, that this wasn’t the first one. Shen Wei had wondered if Zhao Yunlan remembered the ones he’d talked him down from before, but a glance at his face said that he remembered them slightly, or at least that they had happened.

“Not long. Only since…” He pressed his hand to his forehead where the little soul-fire had disappeared between his brows.

Zhao Yunlan played with his shoulders and a spot on his neck that he dearly loved when Zhao Yunlan played with. “Mmm. Could be the consequences of having hun souls now.” He leaned up and left a delicate kiss on Shen Wei’s cheek that left Shen Wei wanting to chase his lips down to get a proper taste of them again. However, now Zhao Yunlan was just out of reach, instead holding him comfortingly, and gently stroking his forehead in soothing sweeps of his fingers, so he couldn’t easily chase him. “Something we might have to get used to with all you’ve seen over the years.” 

“Are they always so vivid though?” Shen Wei murmured.

“Sometimes yeah.” Zhao Yunlan studied his face some more, and Shen Wei wondered what he was seeing. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It wasn’t something he really wanted to disturb Zhao Yunlan with, but he’d promised not to lie and Zhao Yunlan was gazing down at him with such concern in his eyes that Shen Wei wanted to indulge him. “At first, I dreamt that I was being crushed by the weight of the world. Which I felt a little of when you first left it to me, but in my dream it was so much heavier than it felt back then.”

Zhao Yunlan’s brow creased a little, and Shen Wei reached up to smooth it. Zhao Yunlan caught his hand and kissed it, giving him a small smile that smoothed his forehead by itself. “And then?”

Shen Wei sighed and then confessed in a quiet voice, “This past one, I dreamt I was Gui Mian.” He wrinkled his nose.

Zhao Yunlan got a contemplative look on his face. “Do you feel for him, now he’s gone?”

Shen Wei shook his head. “No. He considered me his brother, but I never considered him kindred with me at all. I suppose what I feel for him now is just a series of questions. I didn’t think he had it in him to do what he did, so I find myself wondering what else I didn’t know about him. Other than that, there is no missing him in my heart.”

Zhao Yunlan nodded. “It’s okay to feel weird about him, to not know if you miss him or what might have been or wonder if you knew him.”

Shen Wei shook his head. “It’s not that.”

Zhao Yunlan brushed his hair out of his eyes and peered down at him. “Do you want to describe what it is like? And we can figure out what it is that’s bugging you together?”

Shen Wei shook his head. “No, I don’t think I can exactly.”

Which wasn’t it exactly. He knew what it was that was bugging him. But he didn’t voice it because it was too silly to even give voice to. Plus, there was no way to verify what it had even looked like. But none of that changed the fact that as Gui Mian, he had felt with certainty that the axe he carried was Pangu’s, or at least looked the same as it. And now that he had felt that as his brother, he himself felt in his gut that certainty that it was the same axe too. But that weapon, surely the only one who could draw it was Pangu. Just as only Kunlun’s incarnations had been able to draw the Guardian Order. Just as he was the only one who could draw his Soul Severing Blade.

Zhao Yunlan studied him and then leaned down to kiss his forehead and his nose and his cheeks and draw little relaxing circles around his ears, by his temples, and on his scalp under his hair. Soon enough, Shen Wei was relaxed again and leaned up to kiss back until the two of them fell asleep. 

--

Zhao Yunlan ducked into the library the following day to find Sang Zan still at work, enjoying the cellar library. “Sang Zan, I need you to find all references to what exactly happened to Pangu when he died.”

Sang Zan nodded and set to work.

Zhao Yunlan had always read fast, particularly when it related to mythology, and his recent upgrade in knowledge and understanding had only helped with that. 

Still, the stack of books that Sang Zan found took him all day and until Shen Wei typically got home, and there was also the promise of even more the following day if Zhao Yunlan wanted it. However, what he found that day was all basically the same: Pangu created split heaven and earth with his axe, held apart the earth and heavens for 18,000 years fearing a return to chaos, and then figured out that they were stable, and lay down on the earth and died. Then his limbs became the four directions’ mountains. His blood became the rivers; his sweat, the rain and dew. His teeth and bones became the minerals and rocks; his flesh, the soil of the fields. His left eye became the sun; his right eye, the moon. And his axe became the five sacred mountains. 

As for Pangu himself, a hairy creature born from an egg. Zhao Yunlan found himself wondering if that egg was out of stone, like Shen Wei’s flower, (like Sun Wukong’s egg, though Zhao Yunlan would never - could never - utter that he associated the two births from stone objects with each other around Shen Wei), and if Pangu’s hair, prior to becoming what it became, had had a similar inky chaos quality to it as he knew Shen Wei’s could achieve. After all, he was literally born before chaos was separated. It would make sense if his hair had the same inky chaos quality as Shen Wei’s. 

But he knew he had to approach it carefully, lest Shen Wei run off in embarrassment and terror again.

In the first place, he saw more than he let on, including what he was fairly sure Shen Wei wanted to keep to himself. There was occasional swearing - or Shen Wei swearing, which was so prim and proper that he was certainly Guo Changcheng could and did say worse on occasion - at the mirror in the bathroom as though in surprise or shock. He wasn’t sure what Shen Wei was seeing then, as Shen Wei always came out looking like nothing had happened, but whatever it was, it was unpleasant to Shen Wei, and that wouldn’t do.

So, one night when Shen Wei had another nightmare that must have been particularly vivid, as he had to be coaxed back down with many kisses on Zhao Yunlan’s part - which Zhao Yunlan never minded, just the fact that Shen Wei seemed so scared by his nightmare - Zhao Yunlan decided to bring up his theories. 

He decided to ask - in the morning when Shen Wei’s brain wouldn’t run away with panic - if he could summon up the axe too, like Gui Mian could. If he could, Zhao Yunlan would ask him if he could grow his hair inky and full on other parts of his body, maybe emulating Pangu. If not, it could be just nightmares, and indeed possibly a side-effect of having souls now.

Shen Wei came to, exercised, and then made them both breakfast and cleaned up, before sitting down for the first time since he’d gotten up. Zhao Yunlan was watching him. Even if it was the same routine he went through every morning, there was still a quality of restlessness about him. Normally, he’d stand still at some point during the morning routine. This morning, he had not stopped moving even once before he’d sat down. 

Zhao Yunlan met his eyes. “What was your nightmare about last night?” 

Shen Wei looked up at him guiltily and then looked away again. Zhao Yunlan peered at him in worry. He hadn’t been this nervous since the time he revealed what the ghost tribe actually was.

“Xiao Wei, you know I’ll still love you no matter what, right?”

“I was with you when Nuwa and Gui Mian had their fight. And at the time, I didn’t really care enough to look into it to get first hand data. There is no way I could know what went on at the time. And yet…” Shen Wei left off.

“You had a very vivid memory of it from Gui Mian’s perspective,” Zhao Yunlan finished for him.

Shen Wei froze. It was the first time either of them had called it a memory. Judging from the way Shen Wei didn’t meet his eyes afterwards, and how he hunched his shoulders, he had come to the same conclusion and was miserable about it. “I’m worried as to what that means about Gui Mian. Why are his memories now coming up for me?”

“Do they feel like the ones from Pangu?” Zhao Yunlan ventured.

That got a blink from Shen Wei. “You think that the ones about me getting crushed by something were… Pangu’s memories?” 

“I only have a theory so far. As of yet, not even anything to prove one way or the other.”

Shen Wei studied Zhao Yunlan’s expression then turned his gaze away from Zhao Yunlan’s eyes. “Reincarnation, you think we were his reincarnations. Zhao Yunlan, even if that were the case, the one who could draw his axe was Gui Mian, and he’s gone now.”

Zhao Yunlan had seen the speed Shen Wei’s blade came to him and had seen it in action, the gracefulness and power behind it. With a blade like that, why would he need to think about summoning an axe? “Have you tried?”

Shen Wei seemed taken aback. “No, but if he could, based on your theory of Pangu’s reincarnation, then surely that would go against me being Pangu’s reincarnation.”

Zhao Yunlan said, “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Shen Wei frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m not sure. Plus, I obviously don’t remember Pangu at all, so I may be barking up the wrong tree entirely. But if anyone found a way to do weird stuff with their reincarnations, it would have been him. He was born before yin and yang were split. I’d say that any future incarnation of him would have to have chaos energy as part of them as well.”

Shen Wei stared. “You’re not joking.”

Zhao Yunlan shook his head.

Shen Wei considered. “How would we even go about proving or disproving that, Yunlan?”

“I think first we see if you can draw the axe. Then there’s a thing I want you to try with your hair.”

Shen Wei gave an indulgent smile and ducked his chin, ready to humor Zhao Yunlan on that part of it at least. 

Zhao Yunlan noticed. “Yes, it does involve growing your hair out, but not just because I happen to like it. This does actually have a purpose. Either way, can you remember enough of what the axe looks like from your recent nightmares or from memory that you can draw it?”

Shen Wei frowned. “I can remember it. It’s the drawing it part I am unclear on.”

Zhao Yunlan shrugged. “Try. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“A false positive.”

“Huh?”

“You asked what’s the worst that could happen. I am answering that it would be if I could draw the axe, but if it still isn’t actually the case that I am Pangu’s reincarnation.”

“True, but if you can’t, you can’t.”

Shen Wei nodded and closed his eyes. “When I was first starting to draw my blade, I had to close my eyes to imagine it clearly. There were a few times I didn’t and it didn’t turn out right. So theoretically, if I imagine the axe and then use the same ability, it should…” He curled his hands in such a way Zhao Yunlan could easily imagine a much younger Shen Wei, who possibly still had claws pop out when he was using his abilities, doing it in much the same way. 

The axe appeared across his lap much as his blade had appeared when Zhao Yunlan had originally guessed that he was the Soul Severing Emissary. Shen Wei opened his eyes to gaze down at it, expression said that he was considering rejecting what his eyes were seeing. Zhao Yunlan wasn’t much better. “You know, I was kind of thinking the answer was going to be you couldn’t.”

Shen Wei nodded, unable to pull his eyes away, eyes looking more and more round by the second and shoulders looking more and more like that small youth he had been when he’d first found out Kunlun was dying. Zhao Yunlan found his gut aching hoping this time it wouldn’t result in anything as drastic.

“That it? That’s the one that Gui Mian also wielded?”

Shen Wei nodded again, but this time a shudder ran through him. Zhao Yunlan’s eyes shot to his face and he was startled to find that Shen Wei looked like he wanted to start crying.

Zhao Yunlan took his hand in an effort to comfort him. “Hey, darling, let’s not jump to the worst conclusion, ok? For all we know, you can draw it because you can imagine it. Haven’t you been able to call up all kinds of other things, just on sheer imagination alone? False positive, like you said.”

“Yunlan, I felt it connect to my heart, and it felt like bone-deep familiarity, older than bone, it felt like…” He clamored to his feet and pushed aside Zhao Yunlan’s hands. “It’s too much to take in. I spent all these years thinking I was never anybody’s reincarnation and now to be Pangu’s… I’m sorry. I need to be alone right now.”

Shen Wei escaped to their balcony to be alone and get some air. 

Zhao Yunlan waited a quarter hour, and then made tea, deliberately banging around in their kitchen as he was making it to let Shen Wei know where he was if he needed him. After a while, the tea was done heating. Zhao Yunlan poured it over some leaves and waited until it had steeped. Then, he brought it out to Shen Wei, set it on the table in between the two chairs they had brought out there. He gave Shen Wei a once over with his eyes and then carefully and broadcasting his intentions, he sat in the unoccupied chair and poured them both a cup of the tea. He carefully slid the teacup in Shen Wei’s direction on the table. Shen Wei reached out a delicate hand and picked up the cup and sipped at it.

“What am I to do with the knowledge now?” he said finally.

“Why does anything have to be done with it?”

“Zhao Yunlan.”

“I’m serious. You can just sit with it. I’ll sit with you of course, if you want me to. But no one else needs to know until you are ready, if ever, and there’s nothing earth shattering going on now that requires you to use it immediately.”

Shen Wei turned to him. “There is another part that may be more relevant, and that part might require disclosure. It might also change our relationship. I know you want to respond that nothing could, but please wait on that sentiment; this might in fact be the area that might. But since the first part is turning out truer and truer, the second part might be as well.”

Zhao Yunlan tipped his head. He already could guess what the second part was, but he wanted to know what Shen Wei thought of it. “Go on.”

Shen Wei picked up his tea again and downed it like a shot. “I’m having Gui Mian’s memories too. More than just that one. Which could mean he’s still alive within me.”

Zhao Yunlan thought about it. That could mean a lot of things, since Pangu had been just as unique in the world as Shen Wei was before or now. For all he knew, Shen Wei could have picked up Gui Mian’s ghost - if the ghost tribe even had ghosts when they died - when he entered chaos, and now Gui Mian could be getting stronger and stronger. If anyone could pull off riding Shen Wei, it would be Gui Mian, even with Shen Wei being far Gui Mian’s superior in plotting and in power, in every way, but if anyone could. That might be enough to explain the memories. But if it was as Shen Wei no doubt suspected - and to tell the truth, Zhao Yunlan guessed more likely as well - then Gui Mian’s ghost and Shen Wei had come together and that was the first time Pangu had been together since he had initially died, and that this was why Shen Wei was only now having the memories. But it also meant that Gui Mian’s ghost had rejoined with Shen Wei’s. He could see why Shen Wei was terrified of that possibility.

But to be able to test which it was, he needed more information. “Are you having his feelings and thoughts too or just watching his memories like a movie?”

Shen Wei blinked. “I don’t know. I never knew him well enough to even know if I’m having his emotional reactions to the memories. My main concern with him has always been keeping him away from you and away from his goals of tearing down the pillars and punching another hole in the sky so he and the rest of the ghost tribe could come up and devour the world.”

Zhao Yunlan nodded and thought about that, and decided to try something. If there was one thing he had learned from listening to Gui Mian that last time before he had destroyed himself, it was that he had strong feelings about certain topics, topics that Shen Wei didn’t share his reaction on. “How do you think he felt about the ghost tribe? Have you gotten any indication as to whether he did actually feel for them, or was just saying that to make you feel bad?”

Shen Wei frowned. “Yes. He was always angry that you locked them up like that in that lightless, soulless place. He felt… he knew he deserved it, but some of the others had done nothing. Nothing in his view, of course, the ones who were old enough had still eaten everything in sight when they had come up but not all of them were… there were even a few he was fond of. He looked at them almost… like he’d adopted them as his children. There was another he viewed as a… that’s impossible though, for anyone in the ghost tribe to have had friends… and to have had children one didn’t view as extensions of self, but as someone one gave to, that would have been impossible. Friends would have been unthinkable.”

Zhao Yunlan said, “Like brothers and kinship should have been?”

Shen Wei took that like an electric shock. “I, Zhao Yunlan, could they have felt such emotions for one another? I’d thought they felt no more than lust. Certainly not love for one another. Certainly not love without any lust. Could they have felt such emotions and we locked them up for such a long time there?” He was recoiling, as though from something physical, but then realized that there was nothing physical to recoil from. 

Zhao Yunlan slipped from his seat and squatted down in front of him, taking his hands. “Shen Wei, it was my doing, mine, Shennong’s, Nuwa’s, and Fuxi’s.” 

Shen Wei shook his head. “They just wanted to kill them. I carried out the prison sentence for all those years.”

Zhao Yunlan rubbed the backs of Shen Wei’s hands in a way his mother used to do for him when he was little. “It was due to that that they even had a chance to be connected to the Wheel of Reincarnation. Besides, even looking at it now, I’m still not sure what else we could have done with them that would have been better.”

Shen Wei frowned. “I agree, but doesn’t kinship rely in part on… if we imprisoned them thinking that they had not developed souls, and then they went and did…”

Zhao Yunlan shook his head. “On souls? No, apparently not, judging by the fact that you gaining your souls connected the others to the Wheel of Reincarnation. Apparently, one could get to love and familial feeling through the three corpses alone. As evidenced by you, you know.”

Shen Wei pulled his hand back, forming little fists with them. “I thought the others could not. I thought I alone…”

Zhao Yunlan decided to hug him, slowly pushing himself up and leaning over to embrace him while giving him the chance to pull back if he should want to. When he got his arms around him, with Shen Wei resting his head against Zhao Yunlan’s shoulder, he said, “To be fair, I think only the highest tier of the ghost tribe managed it. You, Gui Mian, maybe four or five others. From what I saw of them, the others seemed to view each other as competition, objects to fuck, or food.”

Shen Wei nodded. “That is what I thought too.”

Zhao Yunlan said, “So you provided them a way to get on the Wheel of Reincarnation. Otherwise, they would have punched a hole in the sky again and brought chaos back. In a way, you being Pangu’s reincarnation makes sense. You were making sure heaven and earth didn’t come crashing back into one another.”

Shen Wei sighed. “I always thought I was unworthy of carrying out the task Pangu had started, that you had handed to me, but I did try to the best of my ability.”

Zhao Yunlan kissed his hair and hugged him tighter. “You were always worthy. I felt bad that it had to be left on your shoulders when you were so young.”

Shen Wei studied him. “Are you sure that they would have?”

Zhao Yunlan nodded. “Even with familial feeling, even with love, they still tried to devour everything in sight and punch a hole through the sky. They could have had all the feelings of kinship in the world and it not have prevented them from trying to destroy the world.”

Shen Wei leaned against him and then turned his face up to kiss him, finally relaxed enough to be willing to indulge him. 

However, after a session of making out, Shen Wei once again had his thoughts on the topic. “What do we do about the fact that I’m having Gui Mian’s memories and his emotions?”

That was why Zhao Yunlan had originally tested if Shen Wei knew what Gui Mian had felt about the rest of the ghost tribe. He just hadn’t anticipated Shen Wei freaking out as much as he had, and had been almost ready to drop the questions if it meant Shen Wei didn’t freak out again..

Shen Wei continued, “By your theory of being Pangu’s reincarnation and by the fact that I can feel what his emotions were for the ghost tribe, that would mean that through his death, he and I became one person… wouldn’t it?”

“It is one of the theories, and not one we can rule out now that you definitely feel his emotions. But he could also just be riding you.”

Shen Wei shook his head. “I would know if he was. He tried to remove a piece of himself and put it on me before, so I can tell what that feels like. It was what led to my knowledge that I could do it to everyone else and that they’d think it was someone else.”

Zhao Yunlan met Shen Wei’s eyes in what he hoped conveyed that Shen Wei should not do that again. 

“So if I am feeling his emotions about things, and if I am able to draw his axe, Pangu’s axe, and if Pangu was both of us…” Shen Wei turned in his arms to face him. “Zhao Yunlan, what if I become more like him? What if the conclusions I reach are his, rather than mine?”

Zhao Yunlan shook his head. “A, you’re still you, even with his emotions potentially in there in equal amounts, but ultimately, it is still you talking and you at the wheel. You can choose to accept or reject his conclusions as they come up.”

Shen Wei nodded, but was not convinced.

Zhao Yunlan decided to continue onto his second point. “B, he died, as in, he exploded, not just throwing himself into the Guardian Lantern and chaos. It might be better to think of the reincarnation as being a past reincarnation rather than another half of yourself. Just as in my past reincarnations, I recognize why I made the decisions I made, but in this lifetime, I would certainly not make all the same decisions, even if I can remember the emotions behind them and understand why they were made.”

That argument had the benefit that Shen Wei himself had discussed it with him a couple months before when Zhao Yunlan had remembered about a past reincarnation who had done things that while understandable, he did not agree with and would never do now. He could see Shen Wei reaching the same reference and for the first time applying it to himself. But he still didn’t seem entirely convinced.

Time for argument C then. “C, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I do think you might continue to reach your own conclusions about things that are perhaps different from what you thought before, but that the new conclusions are not necessarily due to Gui Mian. I think you are fair to be angry for some time that that was the best we could come up with for how to deal with the ghost tribe and that you got stuck watching it for five thousand years. I think you are fair for being angry at Difu, though I think you’ve already gotten your revenge on them for the way they treated you and kept suspecting you of everything, when you had already promised to die to give them back the Seal and your every day was a statement of that, so I might request you take it easy on them.”

“They were fair to think that, particularly if Gui Mian had partially gotten out years before and whispered to the Judge about how I was his brethren.”

Zhao Yunlan nodded. “Out of curiosity, how many years ago did he get out, even partially?”

Shen Wei blinked at him. “Didn’t you know? When I told you eight hundred years ago was the last time there was black smoke in the Thirty-Three Skies, you guessed it was related to Gui Mian.”

Zhao Yunlan blinked. “Ahh. I just didn’t know he got out that long ago.”

“Only partially, and I had to put the vast majority of his powers back, so he was harmless for another few hundred years. Even if he could come out rarely, he was still only able to whisper at people for a while.”

Zhao Yunlan continued the thought. “And the Judge was only too willing to eat up those whisperings. He was terrified of you.”

“He’d seen me put Gui Mian back down and patch the Seal that time. I think he only realized how powerful I was when he asked about what the Seal was, and then when he saw how much power I had to use to force Gui Mian back under it, it terrified him even more.” 

Shen Wei made a face as though he’d tasted something bitter. “I think I preferred him being terrified to what he is like now.”

Zhao Yunlan laughed, remembering what the Judge had been when he’d last seen him at the rearranging of the courts. “Is he still obsequiously fawning?”

“Mmm. And there are even suggestions of things Difu should be doing for me, even one involving constructing a temple that I immediately put a stop to, going around, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he started them.”

“Well you did save the entire Difu court and have to set up a new court in the aftermath of what went down following the new Seal being set up.”

“Yes, and there’s a reason I have been up here in your company ever since. With all the petitions they write to me, it feels like being bothered by a thousand gnats all day long. I don’t think I could bear either the embarrassment or that the number of gnats would only increase if they were to do any of that.”

“I know, right? I had to stop a suggestion by some of the yao tribes to build a temple in the Kunlun Mountains to renew their connection to me. That would be awful.”

“Mmm. Plus, I imagine they’d all want you to share a bottle of baijiu with them.”

Zhao Yunlan winced. “A homemade bottle too. I’d be drunk in a single sip. I’d have to have you drink with me.”

“Let’s not repeat the experience with Mr. Lang, thank you. And I’d have to have you do Difu paperwork with me if Difu gets its way.”

Zhao Yunlan laughed. “Potentially, you could have it leak that you are getting Gui Mian’s memories and until that settles down, anyone that bothers you about unnecessary stuff might meet Gui Mian’s temper rather than your eternally patient one.”

Shen Wei froze again. “Weren’t you just saying that…” Then he realized Zhao Yunlan was suggesting something he could say, not necessarily the truth and let out a small huff of laughter. “I could not do that, even if it’d certainly get it to stop. Some of what the Judge might deem unnecessary is actually of key importance. More of it probably if he’s too terrified to bother me. I’ll find another way.”

“Just saying.”

“I’ll consider it. But, Yunlan, returning to the topic, do you not mind if that is actually the case? I fear…”

“I think it would inevitably happen that you form different opinions even without Gui Mian’s memories. Some of your long held beliefs were based on your hatred of the ghost tribe, your views of them certainly were, which was in part due to you literally being out of the three corpses without anything to offset them. Were you anyone else on the Guardian Order, I would recommend you go see a therapist about how that affects how you see yourself.”

“Yunlan.”

“I said anyone else! You’d just charm the pants off whatever therapist you got, or I’d have to follow along and make the therapist forget if you mentioned a topic civies don’t know about.”

Shen Wei still gave him a look. 

Zhao Yunlan continued, “So, now that the hatred from the three corpses is no longer overwhelming…”

Shen Wei concluded, “You think some of the changes might be more related to that than related to Gui Mian.”

“Got it.” Zhao Yunlan nodded. “Besides, Gui Mian did explode himself while he was out of the Seal and out of chaos. Technically, he died and there’s no proof that you are doing more than remembering him and his emotions.”

“Could that have been what led to my souls?”

Zhao Yunlan shrugged. “Possibly. It’s up to you whether you want to find out. We don’t have to find out or even decide on everything now.”

Shen Wei considered. “Yunlan, thank you for being here with me while I go through this.”

Zhao Yunlan kissed his forehead again. “As long as we face it together, we can face anything. Besides, you are also there for me as I’m still coming to terms with my reincarnations. Which I still haven’t examined half of them.”

Shen Wei nodded. “Yes. And I will continue to be.”

Zhao Yunlan smiled at him. “Then I will continue to be here for you as you go through this one.”

Shen Wei leaned his head against Zhao Yunlan. Then something else occurred to him, and he pulled away to gaze back at Zhao Yunlan. “You know, if I am Pangu’s reincarnation, does that technically mean I’m older than Kunlun was? Does that change how you feel about me?”

Zhao Yunlan turned to gaze back at Shen Wei. “You know I’ve never…” he started, only to see Shen Wei smile as though at a joke. Zhao Yunlan started laughing and sought out Shen Wei’s hand with his fingers and laced their fingers together as though in a question, and Shen Wei squeezed Zhao Yunlan’s fingers in reply. They were still alright and would face whatever new discoveries they made about their reincarnations together.

But there was still a question Zhao Yunlan had. “So, about the long hair thing, can you grow it everywhere on your body? I want to see what Pangu would have actually looked like.”

Shen Wei stared at him. “How about I grow mine out again and you can play with it to your heart’s content?”

Zhao Yunlan decided that was an acceptable trade off.

[missfangirll]

☆°･:*:･｡★ Videos ★ ｡･:*:･°☆

★ 陈情令 | The Untamed ★

☆ Nothing More (Xiao Xingchen) ☆ Memories (Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan) ☆ Der Weg (Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan)   

★ 莲花楼 | Mysterious Lotus Casebook ★

☆ Never your friend (Fang Duobing/Li Lianhua/Di Feisheng) ☆ Coming Home (Fang Duobing/Li Lianhua/Di Feisheng) ☆ Nothing’s Like Home (Fang Duobing/Li Lianhua/Di Feisheng) ☆ Homesick  (Fang Duobing/Li Lianhua/Di Feisheng)

    ★ 盗墓笔记 | The Lost Tomb ★

☆ Read my Lips (The Lost Tomb Restart: The Grave in the Abyss, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Saving Grace (The Lost Tomb Restart: The Grave in the Abyss, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Never Again (The Lost Tomb Restart: The Grave in the Abyss, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Like Real People Do (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Ugly Heart (The Mystic Nine: Qing Shan Hai Tang, Yan Sanxing) ☆ The Storm (The Lost Tomb Restart: The Grave in the Abyss, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Unstoppable (The Lost Tomb Restart: The Grave in the Abyss, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Someone you loved (The Lost Tomb: Sand Sea, Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling) ☆ Someone you loved (ver.2) (The Lost Tomb: Sand Sea, Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling) ☆ My Clan (The Lost Tomb & The Mystic Nine: Zhang Family tribute) ☆ The Anthem (The Lost Tomb: Sand Sea, Su Nan) ☆ The Kill (The Mystic Nine: Qing Shan Hai Tang, Yan Sanxing) ☆ Poker Face (The Lost Tomb, Zhang Qiling) ☆ Material Girl (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi) ☆ Always been you (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Kan Jian/Liu Sang) ☆ With Iris (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Iron Triangle) ☆ A Thousand Years (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Kan Jian/Liu Sang, Reincarnation AU) ☆ Say Goodbye (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Wu Xie & Wu Sanxing) ☆ Two (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Pangzi) ☆ Runaway (The Lost Tomb, Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling) ☆ Stay Alive (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling) ☆ I will not bow (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Liu Sang) ☆ Counting stars (The Lost Tomb: Sand Sea, Liang Wan/Zhang Rishan) ☆ Seven Wonders (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Flatline (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ I’ve been blind (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Rock Bottom (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Where do lovers go? (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling) ☆ King and Lionheart (The Mystic Nine, Fo Ye & Zhang Rishan) ☆ Time well wasted (The Lost Tomb 2, Wu Xie/Xiao Hua) ☆ The Last Snowfall (Tibetan Sea Flower, Zhang Qiling) ☆ Behind the mask (Tibetan Sea Flower, Zhang Haike & Zhang Haixing) ☆ Warriors (Tibetan Sea Flower, Scorpion Team) ☆ You look good in white (The Lost Tomb Restart: The Grave in the Abyss, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ All about that bass (DMBJ tiddie tattoo appreciation) ☆ Nice to meet you (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Wang Pangzi/Ye Piaopiao) ☆ Foolish One (The Lost Tomb: Reunion, Hei Xiazi&/Chuchu) ☆ Accidentally in love (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua) ☆ Pieces (Tibetan Sea Flower, Zhang Qiling/Wu Xie) ☆ 99 Problems (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Wu Xie) ☆ Glitter and Gold (The Lost Tomb, Zhang Qiling) ☆ Dear Future Husband (The Lost Tomb: Ultimate Note, Hei Xiazi/Xiao Hua)

     ★ 镇魂 | Guardian ★

☆ Favourite Song (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ Eternity (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ Shallow (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ Come to me (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ I’ll wait (Chu Shuzhi/Guo Changcheng) ☆ Alone (Ye Zun) ☆ Die for you (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ We won't be falling (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ Fear of the Water (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ Silence (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ We found love (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ Enough to go by (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ All the love that I ever needed (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ These old wheels (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) ☆ Someone to stay (Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan)

     ★ S.C.I.谜案集 | S.C.I. Mystery ★

☆ True Love (Bai Yutong/Zhan Yao)

               ★ 天官赐福 | Heaven Officials’s Blessing ★

☆ Coming Home (Xie Lian/Hua Cheng)

     ★ 苍兰诀  | Love between Fairy and Devil ★

☆ I used to rule the world (Dongfang Qingcang & Xunfeng)

    ★ KinnPorsche ★

☆ Half a Man (Vegas/Pete) ☆ Poison (Vegas/Pete) ☆ Would you come home (Vegas/Pete)

     ☆ﾟ･:*:･｡★ﾟ You can always send an ask! ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ☆

[miss-ingno]

25, 38, 51 please! 😀

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

Ngl, it's probably worldbuilding/brainstorming in a friend's DMs. It happens a lot more than I ever put out fic for, and it just brings me so much joy to go "Oh, oh! WHAT IF!" and get to see friend's reaction, especially the enabling kind or see them spiralling off into their own spin-off direction :D

38. What is your most self-indulgent posted story?

I'm terrible at just sticking with one - so have three instead!

The Fringe Benefits of Being Family - kidfic fluff with my kid OCs and Zhao Yunlan being A Good Dad, Actually. I probably could've reached a much wider audience by just posting the Weilan scene in the beginning as a standalone, but gdi I wanted more of my kids x'D

this is how the war is won - YOHE AU with alpha!Kunlun and omega!Shen Wei being starcrossed lovers on opposite sides of the war. There's not a lot of love for omegaverse in this fandom, which is fine, I can bring my own :D

Good Poison Taste Bitter - Zhu Hong PoV on the Zhang Danni case in an Already Married Weilan AU. The premise for this verse has existed for a long time, I just never finished any of the related fics. Until I sat down and asked myself, what's a self-indulgent trope you would love that you haven't allowed yourself to write recently? The answer was shenanigans related to Secret Idenity and outsider PoV, which culminated in this fic.

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

Depends! There's definitely stuff I like to read that I don't write because I'm not usually inspired to, and the emotions hit differently when reading vs writing. I can never tell how angsty something I write is e.g. because constant re-reading for editing takes out a lot of the impact. And some plots have a level of complexity my writing skills are not good enough for (especially in regards to my patience and seeing it through and keeping it *consistent*. I have a terrible tendency of wanting to reach the conclusion early and writing the characters at the state they're supposed to end up in rather than growing towards that goal)

Send me some Fanfiction Writing Asks!

[fixaidea]

Hi Fixa! Specific Ship Ranking game: Zhao Yunlan/Wu Xie Shen Wei/Wu Xie

Squick / Just nope / A trainwreck you can’t look away from / Mehh but they are bloody everywhere / Not interested but no negative feelings / I need to see how I could make it work / BroTP / Cute / I love them / They rented a room in my mind and are here to stay

I'm gonna rate these two the same. Left to my own devices I'd write them as Mutual Annoyances to Frenemies to Friends with both Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei, but I'm willing to (and have been, before) be convinced to add on the 'to Lovers' bit too.

It's a bit harder for me to buy it with Shen Wei, who, unlike Zhao Yunlan, had his memories all those years and knew what he wanted, and never had eyes for anyone else. Wu Xie would have to make a very strong first impression to even make a blip on his radar - but, like I said, I'm willing to be convinced.

[ohmyitsfaith]

Fics about dramas masterlist

I can’t trust the fall  —Written with @ttheweirdguypp​

A story about two rivals, who through their years of high school realize that there’s more to the other than what they originally thought. In other words they fall in love ​

Happiness Actually  —Written with @ttheweirdguypp​

Inspired by Love Actually, Happiness Actually follows the lives of six high school couples in dealing with their love lives in various loosely interrelated tales all set during a frantic year of high school, in China.  —Finished book

Guardian bingo 2023

A collection of stories and other art about the famous chinese drama, Guardian  —Ongoing series

The Mystery of the Ancient Blade

An adventure that includes a mystery, scruffy detective, an ancient being, an ex-tomb raider, their friends, and of course lots of chaos —Ongoing series

Dearest, you said

A series of stories from the lives of Shen Wei, Zhao Yunlan and Wu Xie.  —Ongoing series

The effects of the love potion —Written with @dual-domination, @meluci-fer, @sagittariusdarkarrow, @victorian-pirate​

What started as a joke, became a fic. It has everything you may need: Weilanxie, enemies to lovers, Robin Hood AU, knights, regents and thieves, a mission and of course the ominous love potion.

About promised, planned and pressed kisses of prom night —Written with @ttheweirdguypp​

A story about how Win wanted to kiss his boyfriend all night, but was always interrupted

About promises and proposals  —Written with @ttheweirdguypp​

A story about how Sound teased his boyfriend which ended up causing Win to propose

More stories: Main Masterlist

[imaginaryelle]

Why do you ship liushen? Is that couple your favorite side couple (non-canon) from all of mxtx works? [Compare to, for example : beefleaf (shi qingxuan/ke xuan), xiyao (lan xichen/meng yao), fengqing (feng xin/mu qing), etc]

Thanks....

Oh, good questions. So, first: I haven't read TGCF (yet), so I can't comment on beefleaf and fengqing. It's on my list, and I do love a good examination of belief and godhood, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

Second: My favorite non-canon couple in an MXTX work is probably Qijiu, followed by that rarest of trios, Yue Qingyuan/Shen Qingqiu/Liu Qingge. Then Liushen, then 3zun, nielan and xiyao.

Part of the reason they're ordered this way is because I'm interpreting "favorite" in this case as "most likely to read and write fic for." As I am actively writing fic for the first two, they get ranked higher, but I do enjoy the others a lot!

Okay, on to the main question:

Liushen hits a few fun shipping buttons for me. A lot of my ships look something like: intelligent and unconventional wizard/engineer meets a steadfast paladin (who maybe has some issues with rigid thinking) and then they enable each other in both fantastic and terrible ways, probably while at least one of them is in denial about or suppressing their feelings.

You might notice that that describes pretty much every ship I listed, plus like. wangxian, stevetony, and a few other things you can find in my fandom history if you go back far enough. weilan shifts only slightly to the side, because Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan switch off which of them is playing which role based on their circumstances.

So, what makes Liushen stand out? Trope-wise, I love enemies to friends to lovers almost as much as I love friends to lovers. I'm a sucker for life debts changing a character's perspective. And a romance among peers? Comrades in arms? Sparring practice and mutual attempts to rescue each other???? Amazing, fantastic, give me more.

Plus, it's cute! The fan thing is cute. The way they're both effectively monster geeks is cute, and lends itself to some great teamwork potential. The mix of fighting styles is excellent. Shen Yuan going "wow, Liu Qingge is the most beautiful man in the world and possibly all of history, it's unbelievable how beautiful he is" and then "hm? My sexuality? Oh, I'm 100% straight" is hilarious to me. Liu Qingge's journey of self discovery and the idea that maybe he wants more in his life than constant training is something I find really personally fulfilling, too, and when they come together there's a lot of opportunity for shenanigans as well as the romance.

Some of it, too, is about unrealized potential: That is, after all, the main reason I will write fic of anything, but these two are especially good at that potential part. Shen Yuan doing his best to save Liu Qingge even though he has no idea what he's doing, just because he thinks Liu Qingge doesn't deserve to die for making the mistake of thinking he has to be alone. Liu Qingge's relentless attempts to reclaim SQQ's body so he can at least have a decent burial. That moment near the end when SQQ says, "I asked you because I trusted you."

It's a very good ship.

[highpriestessofjogan]

Every once in a while I’m not in the mood to write fiction...

Sometimes I like to do literary analysis for funsies, or, surprisingly enough thanks to the content of this post, music analysis as well.

When I first watched Guardian, there was one song that stood out to me more than most of the others from the OST.  It was always used in the scenes with more emotional weight, and was so haunting that it lingered in my mind long after the scene had passed.  Once I was able to hunt the soundtrack down on Amazon (a feat that was much more difficult than it should have been imho) I came to learn that this song was actually Shen Wei’s theme.  Shen Wei’s theme was in all of the emotionally hard hitting scenes and haunted me for long after the show had finished.

One day I was driving to work and I was just looping it over and over for my entire commute.  It’s an hour long commute ya’ll.  Just that song, over and over and over (and I’ve played it for several hours on a loop before and I have no doubt I will do it for many more times to come, this song is beautiful and haunting and I love it to death).  As I listened I started to make some realizations, and as those realizations came to light it left me even more heartbroken than originally.

The Shen Wei OST is a perfect character journey.  It tells his story in a way that words simply could not come close to.  I’ve tried to sum up my best analysis of this song and what it means, and I’m sure I don’t even come close to what Luo Kun intended when he composed the song, but I hope that he would at least agree I have parts of it right.

I’m going to put the actual analysis beneath a “Read More” so please, drop me a line if you like what you read or if you want to discuss it further.  I’d love to chat about this!  It’s broken up into five distinct movements that I think relate to different points in Shen Wei’s life, and I should mention that this is looking at the character purely from the perspective of the drama.  At some point I might go back and see if I can tie it into the novel at all, but that has not been taken into consideration here.

I’d like to state above the cut that my thanks go out to @elvencantation and @eirenical for looking over my initial drafts and giving me their opinions and helping with musical instrument identification.  I might come back and clean this up someday, but for right now, I wanted to get something out there for everyone to read.  I hope that you enjoy it.

Part I. Gege (0:00 - 0:35)

There is a very melancholy feel to the song, but it also has the quiet grace and strength that the audience can always associate with Shen Wei.  This is the beginning of his journey though.  This is a young boy caring for his brother.  A boy who tries to protect and is cast aside, thrown down to the dirt, and returns too late to save the one remaining person still precious to him.  The beginning of this song paints the picture of a solitary figure against the horizon, short in stature from age and inexperience, a blade much too big gripped in too small a hand.  The piano solo here emphasizes his lone search for his brother and hoping against all hopes that he might one day find him and the two of them could be reunited. 

Part II. Xiao Wei (0:36 - 1:08)

At 37 seconds in the strings make their entrance.  I like to think it was a deliberate choice to have Zhao Yunlan pick up the violin during the Tan Xiao and Zheng Yi case, because I firmly believe the strings in this soundtrack are supposed to represent Zhao Yunlan just as the piano represents Shen Wei.  These 32 seconds represent the Shen Wei that we see during episodes 34 and 35 in Ye Olde Haixing Era.  A bright eyed energetic young warrior who cares about his men despite his position.  He hides his fear behind a mask, under a hood, and does what he can to help in the war.  But here is also when Kunlun arrives.  A famous general who miraculously takes an interest in HIM.  And what has he done to warrant such attention? The kindness that he is shown here helps to shape him, mold him into a stronger warrior, a stronger person, but it will be millennia before he will learn why Kunlun saw him for the person he was rather than the blade and power he wielded.

The strings here do not try to overwhelm the piano here, even though they easily could.  Instead they seem to try to entwine with the notes from the piano and guide them.  It’s a graceful dance between the two that represents the close partnership that Shen Wei and Kunlun shared during the war.

Part III. The Black Cloak Envoy (1:09 - 1:39)

This part of the song is particularly interesting to me.  The piano is still present, but the tune has changed, the same for the strings, but now the sounds of a woodwind have joined the other two.  It’s at this point Shen Wei has woken up after 10,000 years.  He’s thrust into a new world that he must learn, and a Dixing that is far worse off than he ever imagined it would be.  He is a legend, but he does not try to take power.  His duty is still his to fulfill, but he does not seek to take power aside from that.  This is the new life that he forges for himself, from who he was as a boy, to who Kunlun helped him become, but this is something he creates to survive in a world that is unfamiliar to him.  

Now he is not needed as just a blade, although he will be that when it is necessary.  Now he can pursue his love and inherent gift for learning.  This is the man who emerges from the ground and takes up bioengineering as a field of study.  This is the person who befriends Cheng Xinyan and probably has more than one or two study sessions with her.  This is the college student that I’m sure was dragged to at least one karaoke night to blow off some steam, and may have discovered his aversion to alcohol that same night.  This is someone who lived.

Part IV. Professor Shen (1:40 - 2:11)

The woodwind fades out and we are left with the string and the piano once more.  The string though is more like the tide, pushing and pulling against the piano, but that is very fitting for the section of the song, and Shen Wei’s life, that Zhao Yunlan is introduced into.  The strings surge forth and ease back, pushing Shen Wei for answers, but also easing back when he seems ready to break.  The piano has returned to its tune from the first two movements, and it’s probably due to the uncertainty that Zhao Yunlan has brought into his life.  Why has Kunlun suddenly reappeared and why is he acting like he doesn’t know who Shen Wei is?  Why does Da Qing not remember him?  In the face of these questions he retreats to who he was before, until he can determine what the best course of action to take is.  If Kunlun is testing him or doesn’t remember too he doesn’t want to risk the chance that the man will not recognize him.  This could be why we see the fond smiles and confused blinks, aspects that are so inherent to his character.

Part V. Shen Wei (2:12 - End)

I’m not going to lie, it was coming up with this part that really broke my heart.  The strings remain, but fade to the background and are only faintly known.  The piano has returned, and is at the forefront once more with no question as to who the lead is.  Through all the changes in his life, he has come to realize who he truly is.  He is a brother who is afraid he has failed his twin.  A warrior and leader afraid he has failed his people.  A man afraid that he will lose everything, but willing to make that sacrifice to save his friends and family, to keep the man he loves safe.  He is no longer just a blade to be used.  He has a purpose, one that has not been forced on him but that he has chosen for himself.  

This is the Shen Wei who decides to use the light energy from Zhao Yunlan to make himself a living bomb.  The man who decides that if his brother cannot be made to stand down then he will force him to.  This is the man who looks into the eyes of his lover as he lays bloodied and broken on the ground, who sees all that they could have had in their lives, and silently begs forgiveness even as he makes the ultimate sacrifice.  

And then the song fades out with the slowing piano notes, just as Shen Wei’s life ends with the slowed beating of his heart...

[dual-domination]

Why did he have to see Zhao Yunlan? He had chosen Hangzhou to get away from him, but it wasn't far enough it seemed. He couldn't even regret it, when it was exactly that place that had brought Wu Xie to him. Why had Zhao Yunlan looked at him like he was hurt? "You don't even remember that I couldn't keep our promise so you could be hurt with me..." He leaned against the wall and wiped his tears with the sleeves of his sweater, but they kept falling. "Can I really have a little bit of a happy life before I disappear forever?... Or was I born condemned?..." ...  “Xiao Wei?” Wu Xie called out as he rushed over to the other, letting what he was carrying drop and kneeling in front of Shen Wei. “Darling? What’s wrong?” The protective creature inside him came to the surface, ready to take out any threats to his love, but just like the loyal dogs his family raised, Wu Xie knew his place was at Shen Wei’s side more than it was to hunt down whatever had left his lover in such a state. ... The view across the street totally captured him. For a while, he just watched, the affection and the laughter, the furtive touches, the glances exchanged. The connection. The cold hand that had warmed between his, sliding gently down another's arm. "Zhao Yunlan, are you there?" Lin Jing waved a hand in front of his friend’s face. Zhao Yunlan clicked his tongue, "I said I wanted to see him again, but not like this..."

More sad times with our boys, @tazzy-ace and I!

[pangzi]

2, 3, 10, 30 for the writing ask

Thank you for sending some Nori, I love you!! ♥

2. Anything that you'd like to write but feel like you're unable to?

Maybe more actual canon stuff? Like cultivation stuff for mdzs, tomb raiding stuff for dmbj. I tried a few times but idk why it just all feels very off and strange whenever I do. Maybe I should just practice more... but then again I also just don't have the ideas.

3. How would you describe your writing style?

Oh I have no idea... To me it feels a bit chaotic, but that's probably because I write all my fics in a very chaotic way. Um... It also feels quite direct to me? But also not really bc I also always feel like I take too long to get to the point. Difficult question Nori omg!!

10. Top three favourite fic tropes.

Fake dating, friends (idiots) to lovers and uhhhh... there was only one bed, maybe? I just really like it when they're very stupid and pining very hard, bonus points when it's a polycule.

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.

I have probably told you about so many fics that I almost wrote or actually started writing and then just never finished.

I think my favourite one I'll never write but I think about a lot is my guardian mdzs crossover, shenjue > ot4.

Nie Mingjue being portaled somehow to Haixing and meeting shen wei, who knows very well how nie mingjue must be feeling, and helps him integrate into this new world while they find a way to return him home. they're both pining and longing for their long lost loves, missing their terrible boyfriends. they have so much in common they can't help but form a deep connection and maybe fall a little bit in love. lots of silly shenanigans between them, lots of jealous nmj when zhao yunlan pops up and of course a beautiful reunion with lxc eventually!

send me a question about writing!

[hils79]

Post your top 5 otps and then tag people

I was tagged by @jaecomments. Sorry this is so late I’ve just got back from a week in Scotland (finally) visiting my parents. 

This is hard because it’s always my inclination to list the pairings I am currently reading. I’ll try and mix it up a bit and put some old fandoms in here too. 

1. Buffy/Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

This was my first proper OTP in the sense that it was my first online fandom. I shipped stuff before this, but this was my first time having a ship and talking to other fans about said ship. I shipped it years before it became canon, and it’s the usual thing of be careful what you wish for because the canon version wasn’t at all what I had in mind. They still hold a fond place in my heart despite the direction the show went in

2. Jack/Norrington (Pirates of the Caribbean)

My first exclusively m/m ship. James Norrington deserves better than what these movies did to him. As you can see I was very much into the enemies to lovers trops in my early days of online fandom. 

3. Dean/Castiel (Supernatural)

Yeah, I know. Who among us wasn’t burned by this fandom (if you weren’t please count yourself lucky). This ship switched me from being casually invested in the show to being a hardcore fan. It’s also the reason I ended up leaving the fandom so, you know, time is a circle or whatever.

4. Zhao Yunlan/Shen Wei (Guardian)

I can’t believe it’s only been a year since Guardian both ruined and vastly improved my life at the same time. These beautiful perfect assholes.

5. Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling (DMBJ)

And this brings us to where I am now. It doesn’t matter which version of the characters it is I love them all dearly. 

Not sure who’s done this already but I’m tagging @s1utspeare​ @jockvillagersonly​ @foxofninetales​ @kholran​ @bambiesque​ @merinnan​