#zero day kin
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( Edit: i WON'T be active on this blog anymore besides some reblogs PLEASE go follow @shadowedluminescence )
Heya! I'm Bandu!!
but you can also call me Simon, Daniel, or any of my kin names !!
I'm a Portuguese 16 y/o very gay and very dyslexic creature and a self taught artist :3c
I'm also transmasc, genderfluid and genderless lolz!! Gay, AroAce, Autosexual and taken by my lovely boyfriend 🫶 i use all pronouns but i prefer It/They and neos !
Alterhuman, Fictionkin, Factkin and Faitkin ^^; LITERALLY Bandu Irl >:3c
I'm also a selfshipper tho i (probably) won't ever post about it except for some reblogs lolz if i ever start posting about it I'll post a f/o list but for now that is not important so i won't bother with it > _ <
I have no DNI but i block freely 🙏
recommend antis, radqueer and exclus keep their distance tho i can't stand y'all 🙏🙏
Full kinlist under cut !!
⚠︎ BANDU IN MEDIA ⚠︎
(in no particular order)
Doubles IWC/don't mention it to me 🔴
Doubles Iffy 🟠
Doubles fine 🟢
- Bandu (Vs. Dave and Bambi: Golden Apple edition) 🔴
- Shadow the hedgehog (STH) ((all versions btw)) 🔴
- Simon Henriksson (Cry of Fear) 🔴
- Silver the Hedgehog (STH) 🟠
- Scourge the Hedgehog (Archie) 🔴
- PaRappa Rappa (PaRappa the Rapper anime) 🟢
- Nate "Near" River (Death Note)🔴
- Tomura Shigaraki (MHA) 🔴
- L Lawliet (Death Note) 🟢
- Fleetway Super Sonic (STC) 🔴
- Mecha Sonic Mark II (STH) 🟠
- Ticci Toby (creepypasta) 🟠
- Daniel "Dani" (OC) 🔴
- Onyx the Hedgehog (STH OC) 🔴
- Steven Universe (SU) 🟠
- Boyfriend (FNF) 🟢
- Adam Murray (Mandela Catalogue) 🔴
- Heemin (Suicide boy) 🔴
- Kris dreemurr (Deltarune) 🟠
- Ray (the promised Neverland) 🟢
- Katsuki Bakugou (MHA) 🟠
- Rewrite Sonic 🔴
- Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic Boom) 🟠
- Cal Gabriel (Zero day) 🔴
- Flowey (Undertale) 🔴
- Sans (Undetale) 🟢
- Ben Boyd (Disconnect) 🔴
- Michael Afton (FNAF) 🟠
- Utatane Piko (VOCALOID) 🟢
- Sal Fisher (Sally Face) 🟠
- Shinji Ikari (Evagelion) 🔴
- Kenneth "Kenny" McCormick (South Park) 🟢
- Izuku Midoriya (MHA) 🟢
- Sunny (OMORI) 🔴
- Andrew Graves (CoAL) 🔴
- Dokinchan (anpanman) 🟢
- Donko (Taiko no Tatsujin) 🟢
Factkin/Faitkin:
- Adam Lanza (factkin) 🔴
- Sematary (faitkin: rapper ig idk) 🔴
- Kwite (faitkin: youtuber) 🟠
#bandu_tuga#intro post#chaos god#fictionkin#otherkin#bandu irl#factkin#faitkin#alterhuman#cry of fear kin#death note kin#mha kin#oc kin#steven universe kin#creepypasta kin#Deltarune kin#Suicide boy kin#TPN kin#undertale kin#Disconnected kin#Zero day kin#fnaf kin#vocaloid kin#south park kin#Evageliom kin#omori kin#fnf kin#Anpanman kin#Taiko no tatsujin kin#tmc kin
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Truth be told I do NOT feel bad for Zero Day. Would I do it again? No. Would I go back in time and stop my old self if I had the chance to tho? Absolutely not.
Anyways struggling with feeling disconnected from your kin (even when it is someone like this) SUCKSSSSSSS.
-Cal Gabriel ^___^ (Zero Day)
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#cal gabriel kin#zero day kin#villainkinconfessions#villainkin#villainkinfessions#mod clockwerk#fictionkin#villainkin confessions#fiction kin#villain
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helloo, super long shot but i'm cal gabriel from zero day looking mainly for andre. like this and i'll get in touch! 18+ though as i'm an adult
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stimboards of my fictionkins, part one: Cal Gabriel; requests open!
[banner pt: tcc, darkship, anti-otherkin, terf, nsfw blogs dni! end pt]
#my kins :3#my boards :3#cal gabriel#Calvin gabriel#zero day#zero day 2003#zero day movie#fictionkinn#otherkin#stim gif#stimblr#stim blog#black stim#gun stim#gun tw#guitar stim#shoe stim#nail polish stim
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posts about kim dokja kinnie antics are always funny as hell but they never really stick with me because i simply cannot picture anyone in orv knowing the word "kinnie" other than lee jihye and uriel.
#important to note: kim dokja IS effectively a kinnie i just dont think he'd have any clue wtf that means#he would have no awareness of any online kin antics or spaces or terminology. none zip zero zilch#now. jihye and uriel on the other hand. lmao. i just Know they do i can Sense it#they are responsible for any other characters who may know the word#like. jihye hears about kdj wearing a yjh face mask and goes 'wow kinnie much? lol' and everyones like ???#but just figures its some sort of teen insult these days and moves on#MAYBE kdj googled 'how to become a character' once as a kid#not because he thought it was possible but because he was sleep deprived and dissociating or something#but all the results were about like. Cosplay. lmao#beso babbles#orv
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guess who just bought a portable washing machine because they cannot endure it any longer!! 🥳
#i've been too overwhelmed to call a guy because i don't feel like navigating dealing with the guy#because in my area the guy isn't a stranger he's someone you either know or know the kin of#and he might fuck you over either in price or quality of work or both#and he'll be there five hours after he says or maybe he'll cancel and it'll be another day#and he'll say weird stuff you don't like and then you get to decide which you prefer weird comments + fixed appliance#or zero tolerance of weird comments + broken appliance + rumours about you#and if it does get fixed it's like $75 not including his run to the hardware store to buy parts#idk. can you tell i have trauma surrounding handymen.#because i sure do.#but i also. on friday. will have a washer i can lift above my head. that will wash everything except my big blankets & probably my pillows.#adam talks too much
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adds fucking homestuck OCkin to the list. i GUESS
#sighs and writes a giant zero on board labelled ''days without kin shenanigannery''#bork borf#just dog things
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How do you feel about Reylo these days? Do you still read fic? (I know I have a similar taste to you about Reylo fic, which makes finding it hard to begin with). Also, have you rewatched TLJ since TROS? I tried doing it but it hurt too much. Hope you are doing well, still love reading your old posts and your new posts as well.
I haven't read any fic in a while, but I certainly will again. I'll always love the ship, but as you say, it's pretty difficult to find fic that has everything important going for it set in the canon universe. I've read mountains and mountains of reylo AUs that I enjoyed, but when it comes to canon verse, the pickings are slim. I got frustrated and depressed about it, so I haven't been looking lately.
I haven't, not in full. It's going to be a long time.
Thank-you! 💖
#even in the reylo fandom the Wrong About SW and bad takes on redemption are legion#to say nothing of characterisation or the dynamic#and there's a lot of popular rey tropes which always bothered me that bother me 34287438927 times more now#I used to begrudgingly overlook some stuff but there's zero tolerance for anything that whiffs of tros attitudes these days#and I guess I really genuinely am the only person who cares this much about Ben's resolution with Luke bc my fic is the only one of its kin#afaik#and it gets way less hits than the one with Leia#the reylo fandom turning on Luke like it's the fictional character's fault fanbros suck bums me out
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AHHHH ... AAAHHHHHHH ...!!! AAAGHHCK ..!!!!
*gripping my head in agony* (thought about zero escape for more than 9 seconds)
#talking tag#had a zero escape moment every morning for the past 3 days ... my friend is going to play it soon and im very excited :)#i'm trying to imagine if there's any characters she might add to her kin list that would be so funny
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Uh hi
Current Name/Pronouns: Cal/Calvin, he/him
Body Age: 18
Source: Zero Day (2003)
ID: Fictkin
Character(s) you are: Cal Gabriel
Type of relationships you want: Platonic
Canon lenient or divergent: Lenient
How to contact you: Interact with the post and I'll reach out
Extra: Looking for sourcemates, preferably Andre but I'd be happy to talk to any Rachels
Good luck, Cal!
#canon call#canoncall#kin call#looking for sourcemates#media call#mediacall#source call#sourcecall#kincall#cal gabriel#zero day
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Yuuji's hand hovered over the receiver, paralysed. His universe zeroed in on the little plastic bubble around him, and the payphone, with the chatter, ringing, beeping and bustling of the Police Station behind him. The cuffs chafed on his wrist. He thought and thought, reaching for the receiver again, before freezing.
The police officer behind Yuuji tapped his foot. "Get on with it, kid." Yuuji shrunk in on himself, smaller than ever.
"Uhh...I'm really sorry. I don't think I'm ready for my first call yet. Can I have a bit longer?"
A huff from the officer. Yuuji's wrists clanked as he was grabbed by the upper arm, a heavy clang as he was pressed back into the cell, locked in. There was a drunk on the perpendicular bench. Some big guy with a kill you stare, the other side.
Yuuji tried not to cry as he hunched down towards his knees.
He had never felt so orphaned, as he did in this moment.
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Kento hummed to himself, outwardly upbeat, and happy to be so in the absence of observers. He grabbed his travel mug from the desk; his paperwork was completed. He was advised he wouldn't be needed for the rest of the day, so why don't you just head off early? We'll just call you if we need you.
Words like syrup. Kento's metaphorical sweet shop. He lapped it up. He dropped you a text; home soon. I'll make dinner.
Making himself a fresh coffee, Kento felt his pocket buzzing. His humming stopped at the Unknown Number on screen, eyebrows pinching together. He answered, stirring his coffee.
"Nanami Kento speaking."
Initial silence. An awkward rustle. Kento waited.
"...Nanamin. I'm sorry, I...I didn't know who else to call. I'm in trouble." Kento turned his back on his coffee, pacing in front of his desk, a prickle of fear up his spine.
"Itadori-kun. Where are you?"
"I'm...I'm downtown. I was arrested. I was only trying to help--"
"I'll be right there. Don't say anything. You're safe. I'll be straight there."
Kento put the phone down, concern clipping his movements. He looked down at his phone, thinking. He tapped out two more text messages, grabbed his travel mug, and headed out to his car in long, purposeful strides.
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By the time Kento arrived, guided into the station by a receptionist, he scowled to see Yuuji being interrogated at a desk by an officer.
"I swear, I was just checkin' the place out, just--just bein' stupid, I didn't mean--"
"--didn't think the "No Entry" signs were for you, huh? What was the plan, go in and wreck the place? Damn kids--"
"Excuse me for interrupting. I don't believe you're supposed to be interviewing minors without a chaperone."
The police officer stopped, bristling as he looked up at Kento, looming down over him. Kento silenced Yuuji with a heavy hand on the shoulder. A travel mug of hot coffee was gently pressed into Yuuji's hands.
"Don't answer him, Yuuji. We're waiting for your lawyer."
Yuuji looked so small and tired, folded over on himself, that Kento felt a prickle of cold rage frost through him at Yuuji's treatment.
Kento's eyes flicked across the desk. He noted paperwork, with Yuuji's name. He noticed the 'Next of Kin' section...empty. Kento's stomach clenched, and his grip on Yuuji's shoulder tightened almost imperceptibly. The police officer shivered under a chilly gaze.
"Nanamin...I'm sorry--"
"I'm sure you have nothing to be sorry for. This man, however--" the officer's blood ran cold when Kento's eyes swung to him again, "--should know better than to bully a child."
A rustle and a clatter sounded behind Kento and Yuuji. Yuuji heard a deep voice, apologising for knocking something off a desk, before another hand landed on his other shoulder. Yuuji gaped up.
"...Higuruma?" Hiromi glanced down, coal-soft eyes belying a little smile. The police officer sputtered into his coffee, looking frantically between the two men, now.
"Higuruma? Shit. I don't get paid enough for this."
"I assume you're charging my client with something." Hiromi sat, crossing his legs, hands clasped on his lap.
"He broke into an abandoned hospital--"
"Was it locked?"
"...ahhh..."
"Did he cause any damage?" Total silence. Hiromi cleared his throat.
"Did my client come with you willingly?" The police officer's face twisted, bitter and snide.
Hiromi blinked once, slowly. "I see. So, simple trespass really? With a minor, first offence? A caution at most, really, isn't it."
Yuuji looked over to Kento, who was busy scribbling something on Yuuji's paperwork, while Hiromi ground the police officer into the dirt on the other side of him.
"I assume you felt something inside the hospital. You weren't investigating just for fun?" A stern gaze through tinted lens.
"No, I...I think there's a Curse in there. Didn't get to it before I ran into the cops."
A hum. "Ah. I'll get Ijichi onto it." Yuuji nodded, his eyes prickling with tears. Kento's hand tightened on his shoulder, grounding him, a flood of warmth down through his body.
"How long were you here for? Before you decided to call me."
"Uh...four or five hours." A pregnant pause from Kento. A sigh, Kento's voice softening.
"You can always call me, Yuuji." Kento stood, straightening his cuffs. "You'll come home with me for dinner. You're hungry." Yuuji's belly rumbled in response. Kento's lips almost quirked at Yuuji's sunny grin, reminded of another boy he once knew.
In due time, Yuuji was released with a caution. Hiromi clapped him on the shoulder with a lopsided smile, giving Yuuji's jaw a pat, before leaving for home. Yuuji stood, glancing at his paperwork on the desk.
In the previously empty "Next of Kin" section, in neat block capitals, with a phone number and address, was listed: NANAMI KENTO.
#jjk#pseudowho#kento nanami#jjk nanami#higuruma hiromi#nanami kento#kento nanami x you#kento nanami x reader#nanami fluff#nanami headcanons#jujutsu kaisen nanami#jujutsu nanami#kento nanami x y/n#nanami#nanami kento fluff#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento x you#nanami x reader#nanami x y/n#nanami x you#jujutsu kaisen#yuji itadori#jjk itadori#jujutsu itadori#itadori yuji#itadori yuuji#hiromi higuruma#jjk higuruma#jujutsu kaisen higuruma#higuruma
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okay so this is probably gonna sound kinda fucked up, but like. I don't regret zero day. now, do I condone school shootings? no. would I do it again? no. but do I regret it? no.
I'm very closely connected to my media despite the fucked up stuff that happens, despite the fact that Andre and I shot up a school.
but that doesn't mean I'd do it again lol. I have morals, to an extent. They're not as strong as the average person's morals, but I think that may just be the mental illness haha,,, I still have standards I set for myself tho.
-Cal Gabriel irl :P (zero day 2003)
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#cal gabriel kin#zero day kin#villainkinconfessions#villainkin#villainkinfessions#mod clockwerk#fictionkin#villainkin confessions#fiction kin#villain
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hey, i'm calvin gabriel from the movie zero day and i'm mainly looking for andre kriegman. i have a couple of timelines but we don't need to talk memories, tbh it'd be nice to just chat with a sourcemate. interact with this and i'll get in touch when i can, 18+ only please :]
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Terrans
Humanity.
Listen well, for this is a tale of warning and of caution.
When humanity was first observed, many of the council thought they should be eradicated. A tumultuous and violent species who revelled in the destruction of their own kind. It was a close thing, but the council voted and humanity was allowed to develop - under the condition that none were to contact them until they were deemed ready.
Humanity never gave us the chance to do so.
They progressed their technology in timeframes yet unseen. They went from discovering electricity to landing on their own moon in a matter of decades - doing so with primitive technology, but it was a feat nonetheless.
From there they developed their own world - the space around their home planet Terra became a field of haphazard signals and messages, a bombardment of signals that interfered with our observational machinery. Due to this we weren’t ready when humanity ventured into the stars truly for the first time. They blasted themselves out of their atmosphere with controlled explosions of all things, their technology was nowhere near discovering antimatter coupling yet. Despite this they reached the edge of the quarantine zone within a matter of years, and we were discovered.
Despite our initial thoughts, humanity reacted very differently to us than expected. They didn’t wage wars on us, didn’t lay claim to our planets. They met us with unrestrained joy at finding others in the universe. They told us of their numerous attempts to reach out to us, and showed us some of their works of fiction that depicted how they imagined us (though they seemed to hide some others for reasons we couldn’t ascertain).
Humanity was welcomed into the stars, and they became commonplace. Their biology was baffling and their behaviour bizarre, but we accommodated them and they taught us how to work with them.
Centuries passed, and though the initial explorers were long gone, humanity had become a part of the council as low ranking members. Their species had become mostly peaceful, lowering their internal wars to less than skirmishes. Humanity’s violent and cruel nature seemed to have been tempered by the stars.
We were wrong.
From beyond the councils borders, beyond the observable space in the void, a threat appeared. They blasted through our sensors and demolished our border colonies in hours. Our intel on them was near zero due to the ferocity they annihilated our kin.
They reached the inner borders of the council, and the elder members prepared for a bitter battle. To our surprise, humanity asked to join the defence. They told us that their kin had settled on some of the border colonies, and that many had lost loved ones. We allowed humanity to join our last fight, even if we didn’t expect them to affect the battle.
We were wrong.
Many of my comrades who survived the battle have sleep terrors to this day. Not of the void settlers, but of the humans. The cruelty and viciousness we thought had disappeared from their culture came back with a vengeance. Who we had seen as scientists and farmers for centuries, comrades we had known for decades - they showed us that monsters don’t come from the void.
The void settlers never stood a chance. The council was barely able to get in formation before the battle was ended. If the void bringers tactics were ferocious, then the Terran’s were monstrous. For every ship they lost, every life they sacrificed, the void settlers lost a battalion, a planet’s worth of lives.
This loss brought the void settlers much shame and anger. They made a mistake that haunts me to this day. They used their speed to reach Terra before the council could relay to the humans the threat. Humanity watched as Terra split, as trillions of their families and non-fighting members were eradicated.
The fighting ceased. Humanity seemed to have frozen. Their fleets stopped dead in space and their communications went silent. Where humanity had been surrounded by wavelengths and frequencies that interfered with some technology still, the space around them became eerily silent, as though the death of the planet had killed even those off world.
The void settlers continued their attack on the council and disregarded Humanity. No need to worry about a broken opponent… Right?
They were wrong.
The Terran’s weren’t dead, or even broken. It was later revealed that the freeze had been due to grief. Humanity had lost its home world, but worse than that it had lost its peaceable citizens. The ones who should have been safe from the conflict.
All of humanity had watched, and all of humanity had grieved. But they were not broken.
The void settlers learnt this very soon.
Humanity descended on them in ways that made the last defence seem like a diplomatic discussion. We though we had seen the worst of humanity in our early observations. WE. WERE. WRONG.
Humanity has a saying “Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned”, but the council has adapted it: “The void hath no wrath like a Terran without a home”.
The void settlers were routed from every planet they had taken. They retreated to the void leaving behind their technology and supplies, not even taking the time to recover some of their teams. But the humans didn’t stop.
In a move that the council had forbidden for millennia, the humans flew into the void. The entirety of the Terran race disappeared into the blackness beyond space and wasn’t heard from for longer than we had known of them.
The council mourned their losses, but viewed their final act as something done out of the madness of their loss. The Terran’s were remembered as warriors, as fighters, but also as family. They became known to those of us who’d seen them fight as “The angels of Death”.
I never expected to see a Terran again, assumed that the void had devoured them and their destructive grief with them. But one day a vessel I was onboard, tasked with assessing possible colonies to rebuild in the border planets - it detected something.
The frequencies and wavelengths of data that had only ever been human in nature. They were coming from the void.
The council watched as humanity emerged unexpected for the second time.
The flagship docked with our observation vessel, and the leaders came aboard to see us. I vaguely recognised the captain. Their features so slightly similar to the grief driven warrior we’d watched descend into the void. We asked what had happened, and the captain responded with the most chilling visage I had seen since the first footage of the void settlers. Their baring of their teeth was savage and joyous. So similar to the expression we saw at first meeting, yet so distorted. In that moment I saw what could have happened if the Terran’s had waged war on us.
“We won.”
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STWG daily prompt 3/12/23
prompt: "what the hell happened to you?"
pairing/character(s): steddie
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Eddie hasn't heard from Steve for forty eight hours when the phone rings, and he jumps for it. He hopes (and maybe prays to the god he doesn't believe in) that it's Steve. That he just... Fell asleep when he got home from his shift at Scoops and that's why he didn't call when he got home two days ago. That he got distracted by the kids the next morning and that's why he didn't call Eddie one day ago.
"Hello?" He says into the phone, trying not to sound too frantic.
But as soon as he finds out who's calling, a rock settles in his stomach.
"This is Hawkins General Hospital, am I speaking with Wayne Munson?"
He's silent for a moment. Fuck. Something's happened to Steve. He debates lying, because Wayne left for work literally five minutes ago, and he needs to know what happened, and what if Steve's dead?-
"No. This is Eddie Munson, ma'am, Wayne just left for work. Is- Is everything okay?" He closes his eyes as he speaks, tips his head forward to lightly bang it against the wall of the trailer. Why didn't he just lie? Now they're never going to tell him.
"Alright, one moment.." The lady on the phone says, and Eddie hears some papers rustling and then a sigh, "Oh, Edward Munson?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"You're listed as another emergency contact, so I can tell you this as well." Eddie breathes out a sigh of relief, but feels tears start to well up as he imagines what she's about to say.
"This is in regards to Steven Harrington, who is alive and stable but quite badly injured. That's all I can say over the phone. Before he can be discharged, if his next of kin don't respond, we'll need to talk through patient care with you or Wayne Munson, alright?"
"Yes I- He can have visitors, right?" He's already looking frantically around the room to see where the keys to his van are.
"Yes. Visiting hours don't end for another two hours yet."
Eddie's never hung up a phone so fast.
-
When he finally gets to Steve's room (after an argument with the receptionist who was hesitant to give him the room number), he practically throws open the door in his haste, and is... Surprised at the amount of people in the room.
He's zeroed in on Steve before he properly registers them though. As soon as he processes the state of his boyfriend, everyone else in the room practically disappear from his mind.
"Oh, Stevie." He whispers, walking over to the bed.
Steve seems to be either asleep or passed out, and he looks.. Horrible. One eye is swollen shut, there's a bandage over his nose like it's broken, and his bottom lip is swollen with a (freshly stitched up) wound trailing down from it an inch or so. And that's just his face-- Eddie can't even see the rest of him right now.
"What the hell happened to you?" He mumbles to himself, hesitantly reaching out to rest a hand on Steve's forearm.
It's then that he's rudely reminded of the presence of others in the room.
"More like what the hell is Eddie Munson doing in Steve Harrington's hospital room?" A familiar voice asks, and he turns to see Robin Buckley sat at Steve's side. A little more turning around and he sees Dustin, who he recognises from pictures, and a little girl who can't be older than ten.
Robin looks confused and suspicious, and like she's about to interrogate him until she sees the genuine distress (and tears) in his eyes. She softens a little, and lets Eddie ask what he's been dying to ask for over forty eight hours now.
"Is he okay?" He sniffles harshly in attempt to get rid of the waver in his voice.
"He will be. Pretty bad concussion though, and- No, wait. Seriously, why are you here?"
Eddie's about to make something up, when Steve rouses with a groan. Everyone's quiet as he squints open his good eye and groans some more at the lights.
"Wha's- Wha's goin' on?" He slurs, and Eddie feels the tears return. Steve sounds as fucked up as he looks, and- shit, Robin said concussion? Steve's already had one too many of those.
"Hey, it's okay Stevie. You know where you are?" Eddie asks gently, opting to ignore everyone else once again if they're going to stay quiet.
"Eds?" Steve's face scrunches up in a way that looks painful, and he slowly looks over in Eddie's direction with eyes that are definitely too dilated.
Eddie starts rubbing his thumb back and forth where he's still gently resting a hand on Steve's forearm. He hopes it's comforting rather than adding to Steve's pain.
"Yeah, I'm here. I got you, sweetheart."
read part 2 here
#steddie#steddie ficlet#steddie drabble#steve harrington#eddie munson#stwgdailyprompt#dailydrabble#mywriting
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Me? A Silco sympathizer? Well, yes. Yes actually I am because the more I think about the more I think I have to be.
Silco was a young man who grew up with so much pain and suffering around him. All he ever knew was hardship, but despite it all he managed to live the best life he could have possibly managed for himself. He had community, family, and friendship. He had respect for others and the respect of others. He had a dream, people worth fighting for, people that loved him and people he in return loved. And he lost everything. He lost the very people he was fighting for, the ones that cared about him. He lost his humanity at the hands of Vander, his own brother who brutally betrayed him. Vander seemingly blindsided Silco at the river. He blamed him for something that was nowhere near his fault. He gave up on their dream, their home, at the first sign of trouble. He seemingly got Silco's peers and neighbors to turn on him and see him as nothing more than a monster. Can you imagine the confusion and hurt Silco must have felt in that moment? Or even the years afterwards? From Silco's perspective, he has no idea why Vander did what he did, and Vander never made any attempt to try to make amends. Vander was going to kill him that night. How do you think Silco felt, raising a knife against his kin just to save his own life? How do you think Silco felt looking the mirror every day after, knowing that a person he loved so deeply had became a monster and turned Silco into a literal monster? How do you think Silco felt when he walked the streets of Zaun and saw the way people recoiled away from him, because of his eye and reputation?
Silco was a good person. He had hopes and desires and a capacity to be kind. And all that, everything that made him him, everything that made him a human in his own eyes and the eyes of society was ripped away from him. He lost it all and he had to do it alone. Silco seemingly had no one outside of Vander and Felicia and he lost both of them. How do you think Silco reconciled that? Do you think he blamed himself for everything? Did he search his memories trying to find the exact moment where things went wrong? Did he think it was his fault that Vander betrayed him, that he deserved it in some way? Or did he know that he didn't deserve it, did he know that night was all on Vander? Did Silco hate himself for Felicia's death? Did he see himself responsible for her the same way Silco did? Did he ever wonder what became of her body, of her children? Or could he not bear the thought?
Silco had zero tools to help himself process his trauma and he didn't have a single person to comfort him. So what did Silco do? He accepted what happened to him in the only way he knew how. He completely abandoned the man he used to be, the man that knew love and affection and paid the price for it. He became the monster Vander saw him as. He dedicated his existence to the cause Felicia died for, the cause Vander was willing to kill him for. He didn't care about the costs and consequences and why should he have? Everything, literally everything he had and cared about was gone. The only thing Silco had left to lose was his own life, so he may as well try his hardest to get independence for his city, for his people, for himself, for Felicia's memory. And in the process he completely damned himself to a miserable and bitter life without humanity. And despite it all, despite how much he tried to put things in the past, to completely reinvent himself, he couldn't do it. The pain was still there. The man he used to be lived, even if it was in the smallest way.
There are a few moments where you can see his vulnerability. For example, the scene where he and Vander talk for the first time since the betrayal. Despite everything that Vander did to him, Silco still wanted Vander to work with him. He still saw Vander as his brother, and he still loved him. "I trusted you...and you betrayed me." You can see the pain in his eye when he says those words, how much he wishes things were different. We see how lonely he is, how he has no one except Jinx and Sevika, how he's isolated himself from any possible connection. We see how stressed he is all the time, how he's so tired of it all.
But the clearest way to see Silco's humanity is with Jinx. We can see a clear switch in him when he comes across Jinx as a child. He has no reason to take her in, to comfort her, and yet he does it anyway. He holds her with all the gentleness he has and whispers words of solidarity and understanding. Silco is always at his weakest when he's with Jinx, because Jinx makes him human again. Jinx makes him loving and warm and himself again. Jinx is healing him and he cares so much for her. He's so afraid to lose her, so afraid that she'll leave him like Vander did. His manipulation comes from a place of insecurity and fear. He tells her things that aren't true because he wants them to be true so desperately. He wants to be Jinx's family. He wants Jinx to stay with him. Jinx is the only person that is able to do this to him, to show him this softness he hasn't had in so long. Only with her does he talk softly. Only with her does he open up and share his own struggles. She's the only person who he fully trusts. She's the only person he ever engages in affection with and she's the only person he accepts affection from. And when he does touch her, it's always like she's delicate. Like she's something to be treated with care and the utmost preciousness. By having a trauma similar to his own she gives him someone to relate and confide him. Jinx is the only person who can possibly understand Silco and look past his actions to see the real him. A man who was hurt and abandoned so long ago that now all he knows is that hurt. A man who forgot what it was like to have family, to have people that care about you and want you around. Silco let's Jinx hurt him all the time, physically and emotionally, because he's terrified of the idea of being alone again. As long as she doesn't leave him he's fine with the pain, he can take it. He just doesn't want to go back to the way his life was before her. He wants it so much he willingly gives up his goal for it, he willingly DIES for it. Even when she does the thing that traumatized him, even when she kills him in cold blood and seemingly betrays him, he still loves her. He still can't find it in himself to hate her for all the pain she's caused him. She means so much to him that he uses his final breath, his last words, on her. To comfort her, like he's not the one with bullets in his chest. It's so important to him that she knows he loved her with everything he possibly had to offer.
#silco. you. i. damn. just damn silco#arcane#silco arcane#arcane silco#silco and jinx#jinx and silco
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