#zero apology or context given

[fatedroses]

Zenos viator Galvus and him trying to deal with actually feeling things for once (Even if he doesn't really understand how to handle the comfort he receives from others for it)

I am also giving this man a dad that actually cares, because this brainworm have gotten me and there is no saving me from them.

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Promise

Pairing(s): Knight!Natasha Romanoff x Princess!Reader

Summary: The first time you patch up an injured Natasha.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Descriptions of wounds | Terribly written medical talk | Mentions of violence and knives

Authors Note: This is another mini-oneshot to my fic “Soulmates”. I’d recommend reading that one before this for context to be able to grasp the storyline!

Mini-oneshots: Forever

(Takes place around 17 years old)

You entered the castle with your mother at your side. You had just finished sitting in on a meeting that your parents had attended with some of neighboring kingdoms.

With you finally becoming of age to understand at least the majority of what they were discussing, your mother and father wanted you to get some first hand experience at helping to make important decisions.

As you talked you rounded the corner to the hallway that held the library where you'd planned to get in some studying, but the words coming out of your mother's mouth had faded to the back of your mind once you saw Yelena rushing towards you.

She looked frantic, but you noticed how she toned it down to a more presentable manner after laying eyes on the Queen beside you.

Your eyebrows furrowed seeing her approach you as though she were on a mission, and your mother had now stopped talking realizing that you were no longer paying attention.

"Hey, Yelena. Is everything okay?" you greeted the blonde.

Yelena looked between the two of you before answering, "Yeah. Yeah, I just needed you for...something...real quick."

Your mother cleared her throat to get your attention, "I'm going to go find your father. Don't forget to look over the information from today, okay honey?"

"Of course." you nodded your head in understanding, "I'll see you later." you said before she excused herself.

You turned back to the blonde with a now more concerned look, "What's going on? What's wrong?" you asked.

She almost struggled to find an answer before responding, "I think it's better for you to just see for yourself..." Yelena trailed off as she grabbed your wrist into her hand and led you through the hallways.

The two of you ended up in front of your bedroom door which confused you even more as she pulled you inside and quickly shut the door behind you, but your heart dropped at the sight in front of you when you turned around.

Natasha was sat on your bed looking as if she'd just been in a fight.

A bad one at that.

Her face was scuffed with dirt, her knuckles were bloodied and bruised, but that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part was the area on her shoulder that her hand was clutching to stop it from bleeding, but you could see it clearly wasn't doing a very good job.

"I tried to take her to the infirmary, but she wouldn't go. She told me to bring her to you, but one of the maids said that you weren't here so I had to go find you." Yelena explained.

"Oh my god, Nat. What happened?" you asked as you rushed to your girlfriend’s side.

Your eyes zeroed in on the open wound on her shoulder. Her breath hitched when you moved her hand out of the way to get a better look. You muttered an apology before putting her hand back and quickly grabbing a hand towel from your closet.

"You should see the other guys." the redhead chuckled but her smile was replaced with a wince when you moved her hand again to use the towel to apply pressure instead.

Natasha knew you didn't find her joke very funny based on the glare you sent her way.

"She got into a fight with some thieves down at the docks. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but she wouldn't listen and now here we are." Yelena said.

This time it was Natasha's turn to glare at her sister for ratting her out, but Yelena didn't pay any mind to the look she was given.

"Jesus christ," you mumbled. "And you decided you wanted to bleed out on my bed right now instead of in the infirmary with a doctor because?"

The redhead winced again when you shifted to be able to inspect the rest of her body for any other injuries, "I thought you would be able to treat it. Didn't your parents make you take first aid lessons from the doctor a few years ago? You know, for your studies?"

"Yes, but the doctor at the infirmary is a professional." you counteracted. "They would do a much better job than I would at making sure this doesn't get infected."

"Please, Y/n." Natasha said, "I could get in so much trouble if my commander found out I was getting into fights before I even finished my training."

You sighed as you thought for a moment. She's obviously set on not going to the doctor, and you have to do something soon to stop it from getting worse so you really had no choice.

As you stood up from the bed the knights eyes followed you, "Take your top off and keep putting pressure on this." you told her before making your way to your bathroom.

Yelena took this as her cue to leave, "I'm gonna go now. I'll come back to check on you in a bit." she said and Natasha nodded, watching her slip through the door and shut it behind her.

After a little struggle the redhead managed to eventually pull her shirt over her head, leaving her in a tank top.

When you returned a moment later you had a clean towel and a first aid kit in hand. You sat back down next to her and removed the dirty towel to begin cleaning her wound.

It wasn’t as bad as it had looked before when you finally got the bleeding to stop. Either way seeing her like this scared you more than you’d let on.

You worked in silence for a while. The only sounds filling the room being the occasional winces and grunts from Natasha when the pain hurts a little more. Each time you mumbled a quick "sorry" before continuing.

"Are you mad at me?" Natasha spoke into the quiet air.

You didn't answer right away which just worried her even more, but when you did it wasn't the answer she was expecting.

"No," you responded, "I'm not mad at you. You just scared me, I mean what were you even thinking?"

“I don’t know,” the redhead said, “I don’t even know if I was thinking. I just…reacted.”

Natasha watched your concentrated face. Sometimes she couldn't help but just stare at it. At this point she had every detail of it memorized like the back of her hand. Which wasn't very helpful when she was currently being scolded by you.

"Did you even have any of your equipment when you decided to pick a fight with them?" you asked.

The young knight shook her head, "No, but I couldn't just watch it happen. There were four of them and one of them had a knife. I had to do something or else people might’ve gotten hurt.”

“People did get hurt, Natasha. You got hurt.”

Natasha hung her head in defeat at your words. “I know.” she said. “I know and I’m sorry for putting you through this. You shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my actions. It’s not fair to you.”

You sighed and put down the supplies you were using so you could finally look at her. She held a guilty expression and it made you feel bad for getting upset with her. Your hand came up to her face in an attempt to wipe away some of the dirt with your thumb and fix her messy hair.

“Nat, I get that you just wanted to do the right thing. That’s one of the things I love most about you.” you spoke softly and she gave you a small smile, “I just worry so much. This could’ve been so much worse than some bruises and a knife wound.”

“I got lucky, I know.” she admitted. “Yelena was right I should’ve listened to her and it was stupid of me not to.”

Your gaze went back and forth between both of her eyes. You could’ve gotten lost in her vibrant green orbs if you didn’t still have to finish patching her up before someone came looking for you.

“Just promise me that you’ll be more careful going forward. I don’t want this to ever happen again because I love you too much to be able to handle it if it did.”

Natasha quickly nodded her head, “I promise, and I love you too.”

You leaned in to connect your lips in a soft kiss, needing a reminder that she was here with you and safe.

The redhead obviously didn’t want you to pull away with the way she chased after your lips when you pulled back. You had to press your hand against her chest in order to keep a distance between the two of you.

“As much as I would love to keep going, I think you might need a few stitches to help that shoulder heal.” you said.

Natasha just groaned. She wasn’t even sure if the dissatisfaction she felt was because she had to go through the pain of getting stitches, or because you broke the kiss. The redhead came to the conclusion that it was because of both.

The noise made you giggle and you began sifting through the first aid kit for a needle and some thread. “I’ve only ever practiced this using fruits, so bear with me. I still think you should’ve gone to the doctor instead.”

She just shrugged her uninjured shoulder, “Why would I when I have my own personal nurse right here. And she’s cute too.” Natasha smirked.

You playfully rolled your eyes at that last comment, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself there. I still have to take a look at those knuckles and clean your face up.”

“What? I thought you liked my face.” she pouted.

“You know I do, but I don’t like the fact that it looks as if someone just dragged you through the dirt.”

Natasha scoffed, “For the record, I won, of course. They were after that bakery you love by the boats. The owner said that my next order would be on the house as a thanks for my help, so I think you should be thanking me.” she spoke proudly.

You just stared at your girlfriend in disbelief. As much as you didn’t understand how she was able to laugh and joke about the situation, you appreciated it because it took your mind off of the bad thoughts that clouded your mind.

It reminded you that your Natasha was still there and you couldn’t be more grateful for her.

“Instead of thinking about that you should be figuring out how you’re going to hide this from your parents when they come back from their trip.”

~ end ~

[aizenat]

This episode was the first full episode where we don’t have Claudia’s perspective to corroborate anything being said. And while her perspective is limited at times, if it aligns with what we’re seeing, it helps to discern truth from embellishment. But without it, this episode was messy in the sense that we got a lot of info but almost nothing to help us discern the facts. So now we have to rely on context clues and what we’ve learned so far, and let’s be forreal with how a lot of yall are NOT up for the task with this.

My biggest personal example being how quick you all were to believe and align with Lestat’s pov. Lestat the drama queen, the man with an admitted temper remembering how he watched Louis clutch at the air desperate for something to grab and stop his fall, who went across the ocean to step on stage and condemn the supposed love of his life to death. The Lestat who watched Claudia die on stage, and would have done the same with Louis on stage had Armand not did what he did to “save” Louis. But because he did it while crying, yall just buying everything he said? What?

Lestat is just as unreliable a narrator as Armand. And even Louis revealed this episode that he’s always going to remember himself in the worst light—or at least pursue that portrayal without argument—much more than Lestat and Armand because he carries his guilt with him in a way they don’t. He BLAMES himself for a lot of things they don’t blame themselves for. I believe Armand feels zero guilt for what he did to Claudia; just irritation it may have affected his relationship with Louis. Lestat doesn’t regret his actions, just that they sour his relationships with his paramours and result in him being alone again.

They regret the impact their actions have on them personally but not the result of their actions. Louis can be selfish too, but he feels the hurt he’s given fully. He feels how he failed Claudia, Grace and Mama Flo, Miss Lily even, and of course Paul. Even when he asks Lestat if he did something to cause Paul’s death, he always wondered because he likely blamed himself for bringing Lestat into their lives if Lestat had been responsible. Even if Lestat had done something, Louis would have found a way to make it his fault.

There’s a lot influencing this, but this episode really hit for home to me that Louis’ issues with guilt and shame, taking on the blame for things that aren’t his fault, also make him an unreliable narrative. Not because “oh he’s making people around him look worse so he looks better,” but actually because he makes excuses for them. He denied Lestat was abusive towards him, sympathizes with his tears of apologies and sob stories both after the fight last season and again at the trial, and he makes excuses for Armand’s inactivity. Even jumps to forgive him the second Armand implies he should carry some of the blame in situations too: he didn’t hesitate to believe he agreed with Armand on what to do with Daniel during that be apology scene. Louis runs to take blame in situations. It’s like he knows ifs hard to reconcile these men who claim to love hurting him so bad, so if he takes some of the blame for their actions, he can understand it.

It’s also, honestly, part of why he is quick to say things that he knows will go for the jugular. So he can say in the aftermath that he said horrible things “too,” as if they will mean he would have deserved what they do to him.

But it’s never that deep and words don’t ever excuse the level of violence and manipulation and control Lestat and Armand have used towards him. And the show is trying to emphasize that. Daniel not buying Louis’ excuses for Armand, insisting Armand sold Louis out despite being his boyfriend at the time; a betrayal that doesn’t justify 70+ more years of marriage. Claudia calling the audience (and subsequently the iwtv audience) out on gleefully accepting Lestat’s apology but not even giving her the opportunity to make one herself. And then I see fans do exactly that, using what Lestat says happened to undermine what we’ve seen so far.

Like all this hard work for the writers to make this shit plain for y’all to miss it every time.

[fmab]

sorry for putting crow mpreg in your inbox. I have never encountered what I'd call crow fans on this site or... anywhere else, come to think of it, so I honestly had zero context for your distaste of said group. And on that front: I should have kept my shitasking to myself. I apologize. Seriously. I misread the room and I will see myself out.

omg dont worry, i will say it was funny and i wad only annoyed bc i thought it was someone trying to be spiteful kFDFGH

my main distaste with crow comes from the fact that there are SO MANY other interesting characters in d2 and yet he is often shoehorned in every situation even when its not relevant (and this is a problem from the actual writers too.. like stopppp leave him out of shit for at least longer than a season at a time PLEASE). so it just feels like his fans are very catered to when there are characters that COULD and SHOULD be given development. Also genuinely i Do think a lot of his fans mischaracterize him and boil him down to one or two personality traits which does do him a disservice bc there are other interesting aspects to him

at the end of the day i want ppl to explore deeper into the weird and unusual crazy shit going on with the OTHER characters in the series. yeah with some of them you have to dig a little further into the lore and logs and shit but its so worth it

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

i think someone already pointed this out but...

there were two instances in spop where catra “accidentally” attacks adora when they were on the same side. i see a lot of stans talking about how catra didn't mean to hurt adora, but her expression right after she does so says everything.

after she tases adora in s1, she clearly looks angry and spiteful. her expression stays that way for a while before she hastily apologizes and acts as if she didn't realize how strong the zapper was. when adora tries to get back up, catra zaps her again and acts as if it was a reflex.

it's already concerning enough if catra's reflex to adora doing something unexpected is to attack her, but it's obvious that this wasn't a reflex. catra was punishing adora. for leaving her, for siding with the princesses, for daring to do something different.

now let's come to the portal reality. here, again, when adora starts panicking about the distorted reality, catra gets a quick flashback and immediately slaps adora. “it was freaking me out” does she look freaked out in the previous two frames? no. she looks strangely calm.

remember that this is an animated show where every detail means something. the animators wouldn't animate catra's expression like that if it was supposed to be a genuine accident. they could have easily made her look shocked or guilty, but they didn't. these frames last a few minutes too, they're not a blink-and-you-miss-it thing.

compare these to the time when catra electrocuted entrapta.

this was accidental. it's clear by catra's expression that it was an impulse decision. catra is shocked at herself, she's panicking.

of course, it's not that she cared about entrapta more. it's that attacking or hurting other people wasn't as much of a habit for catra as hurting adora was. whenever catra hurt someone else, she had a clear reasoning. either she was jealous or she was feeling threatened or she had a goal to accomplish.

with adora, it was just a matter of control. ever since they were young, catra used physical punishment on adora whenever she did something catra didn't like. and this habit clearly didn't wear off, partially because there was no one around to tell her that it was wrong, and partially because catra refused to take responsibility for her actions.

it's still strange to me that spop portrayed abuse in such a terrifying accurate manner, and then proceeded to romanticize it. makes me wonder if someone in the crew was genuinely not on board with this ship becoming canon.

i honestly feel like s1-4 were written by a group of writers and then s5 was given to someone who had zero context about the show and had just finished reading a bunch of wattpad fanfictions.

[cosmicterrorthe8th]

So....

Imagine if grant and terry were dating around the time he rolled the die another day. And he saw grant shot him. And he had zero context on the situation so he thinks grant will eventually be against him in the future and to make that situation hurt less, he starts distancing himself and they end up breaking up by saying some choice words.

And then when they are kidnapped by willy a second time, and Willy puts the collar on them, he type of now understands how he would die and that it really wasn't up to grant. That the only thing making grant kill him was that it was the most effective way to stop the teens which was an objective given to him by the collar.

And then they are in their cells and grant is apologizing and terry forgives and tells him he knew it would happen because of what he saw in the dice but this context is way more forgivable than what he thought would happen. Then terry brings up that what he saw in the die was what made him break up. Then grants like "Oh"

And while grant feels guilty when trying to be friends with terry because he put a bullet in his head, they do slowly move on and are besties again because they are in-laws now.

[crystalrainfall]

Gotta love how this scene is never addressed.

I'm back with another rant.

So I know that Mustang was just acting during this scene, to make it look more convincing, and he totally didn't see Ed coming, and Ed was a bit hasty /impulsive when he grabbed Mustang like that, and I know he made it up.....

By... having Ed "kidnapped" and forced into the dessert, zero context given... with metal bolted into his body that could hypothetically get hot enough to literally sear and burn his skin but whatever, it's an anime!

Ed's automail just chooses to obey reality apparently...

Mustang never really ever apologized for hitting Ed like that, like I know some people are out here saying how parental roy is... But both series he acts like a major douche who sometimes gives a fuck.

Like you lie about Hughes' death, see Ed watch a person burn to death, then hit him, let him wallow in that confusion, and then just pull a "sike! See I'm not an asshole! She's alive! Everything's cool now right?"

Like if your parental Figur behaves like this, remove them from your life... (- _-)

Maybe it's because I feel like some characters just never had slow moments to properly build a relationship, like... When tf has roy ever not been an ass towards Ed?, so I personally just don't get the entire parental roy thing, Hawkeye too, she cares, ig? Her talk with Ed and how her gaze softens around the Elrics... Shows that... But, parental??? Nah -

Maybe I don't get it, maybe someone could tag me and explain, but from my view the only two people who were remotely ever parental to the elric brother's were Hughes and Maria Ross, it felt like they were trying at least...

[traincat]

hi!! ikesoren height anon again, thank you for the detailed answer!! i honestly loved how thorough it was, but you talking about the height and weight stats in-game also made me think—soren's probably not wearing any armor into battle with a weight stat like that, huh?? ike being even heavier than he is tall makes sense because he's got armor and a big sword and whatnot, but soren is really just charging into battle in nothing but a shirt and cloak... i know mechanically it's somewhat normal for mage classes in these kinds of games to only wear light/leather armor or even just cloaks, but i wonder how ike feels about soren waltzing into fights with zero padding lol

Hi height anon! Yeah, like you said, it's pretty typical for Fire Emblem mages not to wear much in the way of armor. Typical fantasy RPG things. (His strength stat in FE9 starts at, uh. Zero.)

But on the general topic of Ike worrying over Soren/being protective over him, there's a couple of things this ask brought to mind, like these quotes from Soren's introductory chapter.

Shinon: All right, Ike. Let’s see how you handle the role of captain. Well? What are your orders, boy? We’ll do what you say, so long as you hurry up and spit it out! Ike: I know, I know! I’m thinking! Give me a moment, will you, Shinon? Shinon: Bah. Useless! We’d be better led with Mist than this soft, untested whelp. Ike: Let’s see…We’re in the middle of the road, and there’s not much cover. Soren and Rhys are vulnerable, so we have to protect them from enemy attacks…Right? Soren: That’s a sound strategy, Ike. I can attack from behind your defenses. Good thinking. Ike: Do you mean that? Um…all right! Let’s do that then.

(FE9, Chapter 4.) For context, Ike's the son of a mercenary commander and this is the first job he's been given lead over, so he's very much still learning how to command -- so this is a little bit tutorial-y for players, built into the script, since Soren is your first mage and positioning him behind a character with better defense like Ike is a pretty good strategy for training him up. (There's also some boss dialogue much later where Shinon accuses Soren of, quote, "hiding behind Ike's apron.") The above is the default, where everyone is alive, but there's this variation if you've (somehow) gotten multiple other characters killed.

Soren: Ike, do you have any ideas on how you want to approach this fight? Ike: Let’s see…We’re in the middle of the road, and there’s not much cover. You’re vulnerable, so I have to be sure you’re protected from enemy attacks, right? Soren: Right. Er…sorry for the trouble…but I appreciate the consideration. Ike: Sure. All right, let’s do that then.

I think the awkwardness of this variation is really cute, tbh, down to Soren apologizing for the trouble. It fits considering how young they both are at this point in the game, and that it takes place in the early chapters before war breaks out.

And then a variety of "death" quotes -- Soren is too plot important to actually be killed before the very final chapters of FE10, so if you do get him killed, Ike will order him to retreat. (Classic Fire Emblem has permadeath for characters, and it's sort of an in-joke-that's-not-entirely-a-joke that a lot of players, including me, will just reset if characters die. Listen, it's the right way to play. But I always like looking at the death quotes, they tell you a lot about the characters, and Soren has a lot of special ones.)

Soren: Oof! That was…poorly done. Ike: Retreat, Soren! You’ve done all you can here! Soren: But, Ike… Ike: You heard me. Fall back! You can still help us with our planning. Besides, if you tell us all what to do, we’ll be better off, right? Soren: I… I understand… Please…be careful!

(Up until FE9, chapter 17.)

Soren: Oh… Ow! Ike: Hold it, Soren! You’re not staying in this a moment longer! Withdraw! Soren: Ike, I can still– Ike: Our tactician isn’t allowed to make faces like that. Ever! Listen, we need you planning our strategies at base, so leave that attitude behind. That is unless you have a problem with the two of us in command. Soren: Of-of course not! I didn’t see… … I understand. But listen… Stay safe, Ike.

(FE9, chapter 18 until the endgame chapter.)

Soren: Argh! Not now… It’s the last battle… How could I be so careless? Ike: Soren! Just fall back! This may be the last battle for Crimea, but it won’t be the last battle for us, will it? Soren: What? Ike: We’re mercenaries. After this battle, there will be hundreds, maybe thousands of fights ahead. Am I wrong? Soren: I… No… Ike: Right. So get out of here. Our little group needs you! Do you understand? Soren: Ike… I understand. I will withdraw… Ike! Don’t let me down!

(FE9, endgame.)

Soren: …Ugh… What a terrible place… to die… Ike: Soren, retreat! Soren: But, Ike… Ike: Aren’t you supposed to be my strategist? Use your head! I need your help. Soren: …I see. As you command…

(FE10, part 3.)

And, okay, listen, not on the subject of Ike being protective, but Soren's endgame actual death quote is a lot.

Soren: Ike… Please live… Even if all the cities burn, and the seas swallow Tellius… You mustn’t die… Not you…

(FE10, part 4 endgame.)

There's also some fun game mechanics at play -- if you have Ike and Soren next to each other in FE9, Ike negates critical hits against Soren. Soren is the only character he does this for, notably.

The possessed version of Ike from the mobile game also explicitly warns only three characters to stay away from him so he won't hurt them -- Mist, his sister; Titania, his surrogate mom; and Soren.

[absurdthirst]

I need advice. You’ve always steered my right before ♥️

I’m so conflicted. Apologies for the essay but i genuinely don’t know what to do.

So, for context, my brother and his partner split earlier in the year. He was living with my parents for a few months before they split because they were having issues. He basically reverted to a teenager. Couldn’t be bothered to see his kids and just wanted to online game all the time. Fast forward to end of Feb, he has a massive blowout with my family and moves back home. It then later transpired that he had been cheating for months prior to all this and his ex kicked him out.

He now lives with my mum (parents are split) and hasn’t spoken to my dad, my husband or I for months (hubby and I didn’t absolutely nothing wrong). He sent a text the day we had our son (after his ex told him to) but that’s it. Radio silence. Taken zero interest in our son. Doesn’t seem to care about any of us.

My husband and I have always been super supportive and have tried to be as present as we can in his kids lives (we do live 2 hours away). His ex has met the baby. Took several trains to come visit and it took her 3 hours but he still, 2 and a half months on, has not bothered to visit (he can also drive). We met his daughter at a month old and his son was a week old.

Now to what I need advise on.

My mum, who I have a strained relationship with as is for many reasons but mainly because we have never been her priority, has been diagnosed with very early breast cancer.

Its completely treatable and hasn’t spread so honestly the best case scenario… but obviously still stressful. One thing to know about my mum, shes a pathological liar and has always used situations to gain sympathy but she has cried wolf so many times it’s hard to believe her when she is telling the truth. She has lied about having cancer once before. She had a benign tumour removed… then changed her story later to say it was cancerous despite telling us initially it wasn’t. I know it is true this time though, only because a close family friend confirmed it.

However, its her birthday in September and she wants us all get together for lunch. As you can imagine I have very mixed feelings about this. As much as i understand she wants her family together, i don’t particularly want to spend an afternoon with my brother. Before this all happened i had told her that we will go but we won’t bring the baby if my brother doesn’t reach out first. She said she’d have a word with him but he still hasn’t.

She’s now trying to use this situation as a way to manipulate me into getting her way but I feel really strongly about him not being introduced to my baby until he demonstrates that he actually cares about him. I grew up feeling very unwanted by my mum and I don’t want that for my child. So I am still set on trying to get someone to take care of him if he still doesn’t reach out.

Am I being unreasonable here? My husband thinks I should just suck it up but I honestly don’t think he gets how hurt I am 😔

Nope. You aren’t required to bring your baby around a potentially toxic situation.

It sounds like your brother has the emotional maturity of a child and he knows he was wrong and refuses to own up to it. He’s too busy living his life how he sees fit.

Given that he’s had no interest in your family, you have no requirement to bring your baby around him. Your mother sounds great. Like my grandmother and I’ve lived less than 40 minutes from her for the past year and I’ve seen her one time. Only for her to lie about me and I’ve not spoken to her since.

You want to protect your child from the heartaches you lived through. There isn’t anything wrong with that.

Although, anon, I do advise you to perhaps speak to a therapist for the feelings from your childhood and for some tactics to set boundaries with your family and deal with their toxicity.

Congratulations on your baby! 💜

[odinsblog]

“Professional” white women have disrespected Angel Reese and told her to “shrink don’t shine” ever since she was in high school

“I was sleeping when she came into my bedroom at about 11:30, and she was really upset,” her mother, also Angel Reese, recalled. “Then she showed me why.”

The 17-year-old Reese had become unnerved after seeing comments about her on a social media post.

Overtime women’s basketball Instagram page had posted a video clip praising Reese on Tuesday. But that post prompted the user of the Instagram account of an opposing coach to send a direct message to the Overtime WBB page, criticizing Reese and claiming her success was because she was “genetically blessed.”

Chloe Pavlech, who curates much of the Overtime women’s basketball content, was going through the messages when she discovered the message:

“Celebrating a player (w god given height and talent) and zero humility or impulse control. As a female coach of female high school ballers, I find this behavior repulsive, unacceptable, unflattering and unnecessary. You can have swag while not acting like a punk. Highlight some other girls in the conference who aren’t as genetically gifted …”

Pavlech found a second direct message from the coach’s account in response to a different video in December celebrating Reese:

“She’s not the greatest player that’s ever come out of this area. She’s genetically blessed. And lacks any humility. Guess you haven’t watched the film of her…”

not acting like a punk. Highlight some other girls in the conference who aren’t as genetically gifted …”

Pavlech found a second direct message from the coach’s account in response to a different video in December celebrating Reese:

“She’s not the greatest player that’s ever come out of this area. She’s genetically blessed. And lacks any humility. Guess you haven’t watched the film of her…”

The area that was whited out (by Pavlech) is the coach referencing a fight that Reese was involved in during a scrimmage last season against a non-league opponent, an altercation that earned her a three-game suspension.

“Angel had to apologize in front of the student body, and she’s played this year knowing if anything else happened she’d be off the team for the year,” her mother said. “People come at her, but she plays at a college level against high school girls. When she steps on the court she doesn’t hold back. She’s going to go at you until you sit down.”

Pavlech took a screenshot of both messages from the coach and posted them on her personal Overtime Instagram page (that post, as seen above, has since been removed). Pavlech included her own message at the top of her Tuesday post: “Why do women try to tear down young girls?”

“I was shocked that an adult — especially a coach — would be talking about a young girl in that manner,” Pavlech said. “The context of those remarks was also surprising; she was DMing in response to a very positive video Overtime WBB had posted about one of the country’s most gifted young talents.”

The direct messages came from the Instagram account of Lisa Smith, who, as of Thursday morning, was listed as the head coach of Archbishop Spalding High School girls basketball team. Later Thursday, Smith’s name had been removed from the site, with athletic director Jeffrey Parsons now listed as the current head coach of the girls team.

(continue reading)

[alittledizzy]

Hi, I have zero knowledge of dream and george and stuff other than enjoying you talking about them, Can you explain to me whats going on and why people hate dream all of a sudden?I'm am nosy ngl and also he seems like a good guy from when you talk about him?!

he is a good guy, tbh. i will stand by that unless something happens in the future that gives me genuine reason to rethink my opinion.

as far as why people hate him - it's not all of a sudden, it's been a slown burn over the past year. i have a few reasons why i think it.

but the main theories:

he was very, very, very successful. and anyone that is very successful and ends up on a pedestal subsequently ends up with groups of people that want to see that pedestal crumble and the person fall. i think the anti base simply began with thinking if he got that successful he deserved to not be, out their favorite streamer deserved it instead. he also cheated at minecraft, so there's that. (but if you want a full blow by blow of why the cheating wasn't intentional - and that has been verified by third parties - that's gonna need to be a separate post.) also isn't it a funny sentence to even say. "Cheated at Minecraft." i know i have the perspective of not being in the fandom at the time it happened but it's so unserious. but it did impact public perception.

some streamers just hate him because his audience is full of women and queer people and dream himself is not straight. i would say these are more strictly outside of the mc community but it still also impacted public perception. dream is also very vocally appreciative of the fanbase he does have.

he made the careers of many people and those people became resentful for being known for being part of the thing dream made. they turned bitter wanting to be known for their own projects instead. those people express that bitterness toward dream and the dsmp and then their fans take cues from that and ramp them up to eleven, like it's a personal vendetta it is their responsibility to carry out.

he has been accused of things that are not true and do not stand up to the least bit of scrutiny. but the internet is a game of telephone and sometimes all it takes is one person whispering in the ear of another person for something to be considered fact in the realm of common knowledge, when it's just not and never was true. the most recent example of this is when a small content creator - eighteen himself, and drunk when he tweeted it - said dream took an 18 year old girl to his hotel room to get drunk at vidcon. the facts: the hotel room was a master suite so no one was in a bedroom, it had a living room. they had an open room party for their friends where they played board games. a friend of dream's asked if they could bring a friend of theirs along and that friend of a friend happened to be a eighteen year old content creator. she was not invited by dream, she was not given alcohol specifically by dream, she was never alone with dream, and the most important fact: she herself was not uncomfortable because she asked if she could come back the next night. the girl in question asked the cc that made the accusation to take the tweets down and he issued an apology the next morning saying he didn't have the facts right. but what will people that hate dream remember from this? he had an eighteen year old drinking in his hotel room, with none of the context. so this scenario times a dozen times over the past years eroded his reputation.

upset and confusion over dream's public response to technoblade's death. i think that dream hero-worshipped techno and when he died dream did what dream does and reached out to try and help. he clearly became close to techno's family, including visiting with them and working with them on projects and - according to technodad himself - offering invaluable behind the scenes support. i think other content creators were closer to techno himself and probably feel upset and put out that dream's grief is so public and recieves more attention because when dream cares for someone he just wants everyone to appreciate that person. i don't think that's dream's fault, but i can also understand how someone that knew techno better privately might be upset.

[windup-dragoon]

FFXIVwrite 2023

Prompt - Fish out of Water A person away from his or her usual environment or activities

Content Warning: Mention of Pregnancy, Endwalker MSQ

Word Count: 1549

Set during the months between finding a new route to the void, Kiri asks that Zero and Estinien accompany her to Doma to pay Hien a visit. Although out of place, Zero is never too far away from Kiri.

Zero was truly a fish out of water if there had ever been one. From Radz-at-han, Garlemald, and to the warm climate of Doma, all an exciting, if not exhausting new experience.

She could manage well enough with her fellows beside her, namely Kiri who could talk her way out of a paper bag with a laugh and a charming smile. Estinien too was never far behind, mindfully watching Kiri throughout the months they spent together. With them, Zero felt it a little easier to breathe. They never expected her to be anything else but herself.

This week, in-between talks of how best to reach the 13th again, they were given pardon to a little field trip of sorts. A short visit to Doma at Kiri’s request which no one seemed inclined to deny. Vrtra would stay at Radz-at-han in case news developed in the meantime, the trio sailing for Doma the next morning.

“You are attuned to the aetheryte in Doma, are you not?” Zero asked abruptly as they filed off one ship in Kugane only to greet another, smaller, boat to take them further. “Surely you could have gone ahead.”

“Aye,” Estinien, hauling a small bag of goods, climbed the boat first before offering a hand to the warrior of light.

Kiri accepted happily, a smile brightly painted on her face as she gave Estinien a pat on the cheek. “And miss this sorta attention? Never.”

Since having met her in person, away from the shadow of Zenos, Zero had noticed a change in the silver haired woman. Always smiling, always a hand close to her stomach. She had begun to wonder if the food at Radz-at-han was simply too rich for Kiri. Excessive eating of, albeit delicious, food would certainly have an effect.

But when Zero thought to bring it up, Kiri would simply smile and hum with her melodious laughter.

“Truthfully,” Kiri began once they had taken off from port, her hand gliding on the water's surface. “Using the crystal to travel upsets my stomach.” She gave a soft pat of her belly, looking dreamily out at the Ruby sea. “And the fresh air is nice, ain’t it?”

From the Ruby Sea to a small village named Namai, the trio traveled with light, idle banter. Estinien and Zero would clear the path of monsters or the ilk while Kiri diverted their attention to point out flora she liked or to show Zero tiger cubs watching them from the brush malms away. The scenery itself was colorful to Zero’s eyes, different from Radz-at-han certainly, but still appealing. Now only if they serve spicy curry…

At Namai they were greeted by a woman, Yugiri, who seemed well acquainted with Kiri. Small of stature but strong of presence. Politely she introduced herself and in typical Zero custom, a tilt of her hat was given in return.

“I apologize on behalf of Lord Hien,” Yugiri started once they were on their way again. “He is otherwise occupied in a meeting with G'raha Tia at the moment.”

“G'raha?” It was in unison that Kiri and Estinien replied, making Zero look them over curiously.

“It was at Lord Hien’s request that they meet.” Yugiri continued, a small smile on her lips. “He was eager to meet the famed G'raha Tia that you speak so fondly of.”

Kiri and Yugiri shared a light chuckle that had Zero feeling as though she missed some context. Partly she wondered what tales Kiri had told them of G'raha, and partly wondered if Kiri spoke of her as well.

Kiri had a way about her storytelling that always felt like a vivid dream. Zero found herself wanting to hear everything about Kiri; especially the stories where she could hardly speak without breaking into a rumbling fit of laughter. Did she weave stories about their time together as well? Nothing funny particularly stood out in Zero’s mind, but deep down, in some unknowable place in her heart, she hoped Kiri told extravagant stories of their shared experiences. For what purpose she did not yet understand, only that she hoped Kiri’s face lit up for her the way it did for everyone else.

Reaching Doma wasn’t particularly interesting for Zero. She silently took in the landscape, recognizing acts of war that had ravaged it with a heavy heart. But yet the villagers of Namai had been in high spirits, working toward a brighter future. And the enclave was no different. Children raced down the streets while adults went about their daily chores, turning to smile as they made their entrance from the pier.

There was hope to be seen in these faces. War wasn’t eternal to them, not like the conflict that made the void so dreadful. Would she one day know this feeling? Or hear children laughing while playing in patches of warm sunlight? Was there hope for the 13th?

“Kiri!” A voice intruded on Zero’s thoughts as two men emerged from the manor before them. G'raha tagged along behind the first, giving Zero and Estinien a brief wave.

“Oi, havin’ friends over without me, eh?” Kiri laughed. The man, while practicing an air of sophisticated calm, practically raced up to the group and indulged himself in lifting Kiri off the ground in an embrace.

Together they danced, laughing and teasing each other with small, fluttering kisses on the cheek. Zero, much like Estinien, turned away as if she were the one intruding on their personal time.

This was the man that Kiri spoke so frequently about, Hien. Zero recognized him from countless descriptions she had been told as she and Kiri ate bowls of curry in Radz-at-han. Seeing them together now only made it easier to see why Kiri enjoyed talking about him. Like watching sunlight on a summer afternoon. They felt bright and warm.

Hien put Kiri back on her feet before kneeling, his hands carefully placed on her rounded stomach. Zero cocked a brow, again feeling as though she shouldn’t be watching.

“Hello to you too, little one. I’ve missed you both.” He spoke so softly Zero thought perhaps she misheard him.

To Estinien, Yugiri, and G'raha, Zero turned, head tilted slightly. “She is with child?”

The group exchanged a wide eyed look, Yugiri being the first to smile before the men. “Yes she is.”

G'raha cleared his throat, attempting his best effort not to laugh. “Her stomach wasn’t nearly so round when she first met you, was it?”

Zero shuffled in place, crossing her arms as she gave it some thought. “…The food at Radz-at-han is very amenable… And she is never far from a plate of fruits…”

At this Estinien howled and G'raha choked on laughter.

“What? It isn’t too abstract to believe, is it?”

Yugiri gently placed a hand on Zero’s shoulder, smiling in a similar manner as Kiri would have. “You’re absolutely right about that. If there is one thing Kirishimi loves, it’s good food.”

“What’s this ‘bout food?” Practically deserting Hien where he stood, Kiri eagerly stepped closer to her fellows. She wore the look of a cat who had heard the dinner bell. 

A light flutter of laughter echoed amongst the party while Zero steadied her attention to Kiri. She truly was a fish out of water. When you exist in a world without reason to celebrate such things as new life, a world that had no use for newborn children, what then did one do in such circumstances? 

In any other situation, Zero would approach Kiri about it, asking for clarification of customs. One should be happy to hear the news of a child, right? Perhaps say something pleasant, like … good job? You did well? None seemed to suffice, at least not in her mind. 

Briefly she wondered about her own mother, and all the other mothers and newborn children that existed in her world before it was torn apart. Before darkness swallowed any sort of happiness or joy. A heaviness filled her chest as the thought expanded. How warm had her mothers embrace been? Was this what it meant to trust and love someone? The trust one held for their mother, the very reason for her existence. 

“Zero?” Kiri’s voice chimed like a bell beside her, drawing her away from the bitterness that tightened her throat. The Warrior of Light had moved closer, her head tilted in her typical curious fashion. “Everythin’ alright?” 

Everyone else had started a new conversation, a discussion of a planned dinner, of course. But for once, Kiri hadn’t been a part of it. Zero looked away, crossing her arms again. “..What does one say when you are happy for them?” 

Kiri blinked in response. “What’cha mean?” 

“To you. I want to say I am happy for you but I don’t know how to express it. Certainly there is a custom for this, right?” Zero never met Kiri’s eyes as she spoke, but the gentle hum of a laugh was more than enough for her. 

“Ohhh.” Her laughter grew, bright and contagious as always. “Oh Zero, you can say ‘Congratulations!’ Or just sayin’ yer happy for me is more than enough.” 

Before Zero could repeat the chosen word, a pair of arms wrapped around her. She stammered a hushed ‘congratulations’ before pulling at the brim of her hat. 

“Thank you, Zero.”

[inqilabi]

Hey I hope you're good - i've been Muslim for around 3 years now - i've been looking through your Islamic feminism tag and feel I share your views on Quranism and the difference between Islamic feminism and apologism and why the former is better. If you're comfortable I was wondering if you could talk more about what you mean by no longer being of religion, how you approach your faith and how your beliefs play into the dating context cause I think you were talking a bit more about your romantic experiences as well? Thank you!

feel free to DM if you want💕

Back in the day when I wrote about the subject, when I said I'm no longer a faith - I use to mean Sunni traditionalism. But later, I settled into Muslim being sort of a cultural identity rather than a religious one. So that's what it means to me now. I used to be very practicing so I actually know what the articles of faith require etc etc. But now I just consider myself a cultural Muslim or non-practicing. I am a muslim because I was raised one and my community is Muslim. And the question of Islam, being Muslim, who is muslim, what constitutes Islam and what constitutes being Muslim just doesn't concern me as it is use to. When I was younger, I don't know if this was the era at that time or the people that I was surrounded by - but there was a lot of, well you can't eat gelatin gummies because you are Muslim. Muslim was a very particular religious identity with a very particular set of rules. And there wasn't suppose much variation in practice apart from the sects. It was frankly exhausting to exist this way

Romantically, I'm open to other faiths so long as they are non-european lol. It's more about the culture for me. But still my family and community would expect them to convert etc. I think things would be the easiest with someone who was raised Muslim. but they'd have to be similarly non-practicing or be spiritual. If I had kids, I would want to raise them as Muslim. Largely to have a sense of specific belonging and community. I think those things are very important and protective. So for me it's not about Islam being the correct religion or identity to raise a child in. If I was Hindu I would probably stress the importance of them being Hindu. Or I even like how minority Christians around the world have faith and practices. It's more the communal aspect and a sense of belonging to a community that I think is very important for a cohesive upbringing. So it doesn't have to be Islam from my perspective. But since I was raised Muslim, in my personal life this would be the identity I would continue to uphold... If they makes sense.

My problem with religion was largely with Sunni traditionalism as they are very prescriptive and you see that even to today. They proselytize. And definitely want and expect you to live and behave a certain way. And when I was younger I disagreed with more of the specific theology, but now that I'm older - I especially find that I have zero energy to live up to others expectations. The no fucks given is real lol

[truetgirl]

Well, well, well, if it isn't that most wonderful time of year once more. Happy pride, everyone! Time for my little tradition of self-indulgent queer media analysis every couple days! In previous years I've done characters, stories/media properties, and ships. This year my theme is gonna be head-canons and why I have them!

So, without further ado, first up is...

Ingrid Brandl Galatea from Fire Emblem: Three Houses, who I like to read as a lesbian.

Ingrid's an interesting case for a few reasons. First pf all: there's several canon and/or heavily implied sapphic and other queer relationships that can happen in a given run of this game, both for the player and the other characters through supports and epilogues. Ingrid, in fact, is one of (if not THE) only characters to have zero A-level supports with characters of the same gender.

Despite all of this, however, she has a paralogue where Dorothea, known bisexual queen with a particular weakness for beautiful and/or strong ladies, goes out of her way to help prevent Ingrid's arranged marriage to a scumbag of a dude. In this paralogue, Dorothea refers to Ingrid as "my Ingrid" and sees Ingrid's later gift to her of a ring as a proposal she'd happily accept, albeit with some degree of sarcasm, but not as much as I'd have thought.

Their supports, you ask? Those center on Ingrid overreacting to Dorothea's advances with surprise and a kind of disgust that feels very... "comphet-fueled projecting of insecurities" to me. In a sensible world, I'd say, we should get and A support between those two in which Ingrid apologizes for her reaction before and explains that she's never really thought women could see each other that way before. The cutoff at B level feels downright unfinished compared to other B capstone supports. It feels very much like act 2 of 3, but then we never get three. There are bits and pieces from other parts of the game that I could point to and make a case with that Ingrid likes girls and just doesn't know how to handle that, but how she interacts with Dorothea is the most revealing, I think.

Additionally, this is a girl who has been told for years that she must marry a wealthy man for the sake of her family's future. She has never really considered her feelings in a romantic context before because she has never been allowed to. Is it any wonder, then, that this girl who loves other girls would practically implode the moment she had a scrap of room to realize that and think about what it means?

Ingrid is, in my humble opinion, a textbook example of a comphet character who's never had an official chance to unpack that. She's full of potential in this regard, but, unfortunately, it's never tapped in her home game.

[toinfinitywinning]

this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

[raayllum]

What are your thoughts on Viren's feelings towards Soren, and how they have or haven't shifted over the course of the story (and may or may not continue to shift through the next three seasons)? (I see a lot of people arguing that Viren literally just never cared about him or something, but that feels like a very shallow and frankly boring interpretation.)

Received this ask pre S5 and only getting to it now so - apologies but I think there's enough in S3 for this as a whole so here we go

I think the heart of this lies in 3x03, since it's Viren and Soren's first interaction since 1x06 (and in some ways, their last "Soren hasn't defected" conversation, as he starts to majorly shift in 3x05) and partially because there are two conversations going on in well, said scene.

The first conversation is between Claudia and Viren, in a lot of ways, as Viren, after a brief, "I'm so glad to see you safe" (which, given Claudia's white streak and Soren's literal injury, is more than warranted) before he gets down to the heart of the matter:

V: The council is more concerned I broke a few rules. But none of that matters. The egg. Did you get it?

Viren delegated tasks to their children based on their personality and skill level, yes, but also, I think, per each task's importance. For Soren, Viren gave him a task that already had an out; the boys could very well die by the Moonshadow elf's or the landscape's harshness, leaving Soren not having to kill them. And killing the princes is important in Viren's machinations (it leaves the throne empty for him long term, and permanently so) but it's not the most important thing.

That, as he says, is the egg, and it's not surprising to me that that's the task he gives to Claudia. As he says to Claudia, the most important thing is that she comes back with the egg, both in 1x06, and in 3x03. The thing is that Soren, unlike Claudia, had zero context for any of this. And Claudia, unlike Viren, was the one who brought up the concept of having to choose between Soren and the egg (which she, for lack of a better conception of it, was also responsible for losing) in the first place. And whenever Viren is presented a problem or question, he answers it even if no one wants to hear or likes the answer.

Then Claudia explains that she let it fall back into Xadia's hands, offers up 'excuses,' and Viren asserts that Soren almost dying "doesn't matter". This isn't news to Claudia as she knew about it previously, but it is a reiteration she's going to have a harder time to ignore, and it leaves the seed of doubt in her to sprout that maybe Viren really did ask Soren to kill the princes, because "everything I do, everything I ask of you, is for the future of humanity".

She challenges him, yes, but she's also quick to buy the alternative he gives for reasons I've gone into more detail elsewhere, but mostly because if she believes him it lets her keep her dad and her brother. If she believes Soren, she only gets to keep him and it fractures their family further.

So Viren is not only saying stuff to Soren, he's also saying specifically what will work best to convince Claudia, since he's willing to throw Soren under the bus in order to keep her.

That being said:

The second conversation is still between Viren and Soren, because Soren actually knows everything, and Viren knows he knows it (and that Claudia does, to a degree, too), and Viren is also trying to convince Soren that what he thought was wrong. If both Soren and Claudia are back on board, that's the easiest way to proceed further.

After Viren says he's glad they're safe, he immediately inquires about the egg. He doesn't ask about the egg at all, and isn't upset all (as far as we know, he's aware that Ezran is in power before the deal with Kasef in 3x04, which I'm inclined to think) that Soren has failed his mission. He's only upset/angry when he finds out Claudia has - his primary concern is still "for humanity" > necessarily having power for himself, the throne another means to an end - and only upset that Soren that was seemingly the reason.

Nor does he seem very concerned that Soren is still doubtful/conflicted upon leaving. Definitely not happy about it and the way the conversation has gone (Viren in 3x07 is still fairly confident he has Soren's trust and is angry when his son doesn't go through with the 'gift fire' spell) but he seems to know that Claudia's bought into it all, and that's what matters to him the most on that level.

But the scene really is a great example of how Viren placing notions of the greater good legitimately over his family is what ultimately caused his downfall in arc 1. In the 5x03 dreams/flashbacks, Viren says "You're going to be okay, that's all that matters" -> "Soren could've died!" "That doesn't matter!"

It's like he's gotten so wrapped up in his own self importance / his vision for the world at large being one that his immediate family can exist 'safely' in he's looped around to being willing to throw them away like trash when they displease/disobey him (Harrow, Soren). Viren says he's always been willing to do anything for his family, but that isn't true in basically any season (he'll let guards, Harrow, and himself die in 1x02 rather than relinquish the egg to Xadia) and that's always been his biggest difference from Callum, tbh, to me. Because Viren says it, but Callum legitimately means it

It's the classic "He cares about his kids/Soren but not enough until it's like, way too late" (whereas Callum cares too much and then it's too late but like. meta for another day) which imo is way more realistic. Most people do love and care for other people. Whether that love and care is enough, or is understood/expressed by either party, is where things get tricky