#zelda kramer

[pholiabanna]

@bi-arospec-mike-wheeler when Mike and Zelda first met they had a guitar battle but Zelda could actually play so Mike ridiculized himself and now Will is more interested in Zelda. Sucks for Mike.

[trans-gay-arospec-mike-wheeler]

This is so funny jsjsjhsjs let me explain you why

Calvo means bald in Spanish, and it's also the most popular tuna brand in Spain, so many people recreate this meme with different bald celebs

That’s a really funny joke but we should really focus on getting- AAAAH A DEMOBAT BIT ZELDA!!!

THEYRE TURNING INTO A VAMPIRE SEND HEL-

[mirrankei]

Link Between Worlds stream + Maya Fey memes = Mayamai

[teamthunderdome]

TEAM THUNDERDOME.

TWO TEAMS ENTER. TUMBLR VOTES. ONE TEAM LEAVES. TRIAL BY COMBAT. TO THE DEATH. VICTORY OR SOVNGARDE.

The Rules:

Fights will occur over the course of ONE WEEK, quarter 1 begins JUNE 1ST, 2024 at 12:00 AM MIDNIGHT EDT (UTC-04:00).

Multiple fights happen across one week.

ONLY 3 to 4 team members per team. 2 is too few, 5 is almost cheating. If a team has more than 4 members, some will have to wait in the stands (looking at you, Scooby-Doo and Tally Hall).

Tumblr poll will determine the winner of an individual fight via emotional support and gracious cookie donations.

Majority Wins. Whether or not a team would canonically win or lose the fight does not matter, only the number of votes.

Single Elimination.

Outside of the rules listed above, anything goes. Reblog a fight to get your friends on your side.

Propaganda is fair game. If you know perhaps a little too much about one of the teams and want to explain why your team should win, please submit an in-depth propaganda post to the blog homepage.

Spread the word! Your favorite might win! (Or not! I just run this thing!)

Lasko Wind Machine

All 64 Teams Competing (In random order - will NOT reflect the final bracket):

Team WINCHESTER (Sam, Dean, Castiel, Crowley)

Team FORTRESS (Heavy, Medic, Engineer, Soldier)

Team AIONIOS (Noah, Lanz, Eunie, Riku)

Team GONDOR (Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf)

Team TWILIGHT (Jacob, Edward, Bella)

Team STAR WARS (Han, Luke, Leia, Chewbacca)

Team NARUTO (Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura)

Team SHREK (Shrek, Fiona, Donkey, Puss In Boots) (As portrayed at the end of Shrek 2)

Team OF LIGHT (Jonathan Harker, Jack Seward, Quincey Morris, Abraham Van Helsing)

Team PERSONA (Makoto Yuki, Kotone Shiomi, Yu Narukami, Ren Mamamiya)

Team HOMESTUCK (John, Jade, Rose, Dave)

Team MUSKETEERS (Athos, Porthos, Aramis, D'Artagnan)

Team HERCULES (Hercules, Iolaus, Salmoneus, Autolycus) (The Legendary Journeys, Hercules as portrayed by Kevin Sorbo)

Team PUYO PUYO (Ringo, Arle, Amitie, Lemres)

Team BAKUGO (Bakugo, Mina, Denki, Eijirou)

Team WIGGLES (Jeff, Anthony, Murray, Greg) (as originally formed)

Team GRYFFINDOR (Harry, Ron, Hermione)

Team COOL RUNNINGS (Derice Bannock, Junior Bevil, Sanka Coffie, Yul Brenner)

Team AEGIS (Rex, Pyra, Mythra) (all other party members excluded due to Blades and their pesky "friendships" binding them to their users)

Team RHYTHM THIEF (Raphael, Fondue, Marie, Charlie) (what a cute doggy :3)

Team MYSTERY INC (Fred, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne) (sorry no pets allowed)

Team DEKU (Izuku, Tsuyu, Ochako, Shouto)

Team KRISPIES (Snap, Crackle, Pop)

Team ELITE BEAT (Agent Spin, Agent J, Agent Chieftain, Agent Starr)

Team JIGSAW (Kramer, Young, Hoffman, Gordon)

Team UMIZOOMI (Milli, Geo, Bot)

Team TRIFORCE (Link, Zelda, Groose) (Skyward Sword variants)

Team LAYTON (Layton, Luke, Emmy) (Pre-Azran Legacy)

Team SONIC (Sonic, Knuckles, Tails)

Team ASKR (Alfonse, Anna, Sharena)

Team TARDIS (The Doctor, Amy, Rory, River)

Team WOOHP (Sam, Alex, Clover)

Team KEYBLADE (Sora, Donald, Goofy)

Team 1908 THOMAS FLYER (Montague Roberts, George Schuster, Hans Hendrik Hansen, George MacAdam)

Team BIONIS (Shulk, Reyn, Dunban, Sharla)

Team DARK (Shadow, Rouge, Omega) (Ultimate Life Form status tenuous)

Team OOO (Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, BMO)

Team TALLY HALL (Rob, Zubin, Andrew, Joe) (Ross excluded - he's just a drummer)

Team DOODLEBOPS (Deedee, Rooney, Moe)

Team SCIENCE (Gordon, Tommy, Bubby, Dr. Coomer)

Team POWERPUFF (Blossom, Buttercup, Bubbles)

Team INCONCEIVABLE (Inigo, Fezzik, Vizzini)

Team METROCITY (Megamind, Metro Man, Roxanne, Minion)

Team WONDER PETS (Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming)

Team REGULAR (Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, Skips)

Team PILLAR MEN (Santana, Wham, ACDC, Kars) (Ultimate Life Form status tenuous)

Team BEATLES (John, Paul, George, Ringo)

Team SMILING FRIENDS (Pim, Charlie, Glep, Alan)

Team ROTTEN (Robbie, Tobby, Bobby, Flobby) (Ultimate Life Form status confirmed)

Team KRUSTY KRAB (SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs)

Team VOCALOID (Hatsune Miku, Kagamine Len, Kagamine Rin)

Team GARFIELD (Garfield, Jon, Odie, Liz)

Team POOH (Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore, Christopher Robin)

Team AVALANCHE (Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, Barret)

Team LOONEY (Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Michael Jordan)

Team GHOSTS (Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Clyde) (freshly dead)

Team ROCKMAN (Rock, Roll, Blues, Bass)

Team MARIO (Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi)

Team WRIGHT (Phoenix, Apollo, Athena, Trucy) (as seen in Dual Destinies)

Team SHERLOCK (Sherlock, John, Mycroft) (Brigandorf Crimplesnart's depiction of Sherlock)

Team MASH (Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, BJ Hunnicutt, Charles Emerson Winchester III)

Team RWBY (Ruby, Weiss, Yang, Blake)

Team CHANNEL 5 (Ulala, Space Michael, Jaguar, Pudding)

Team FANBOY (Fanboy, Chum Chum, Kyle)

GOOD LUCK!!!

(you're gonna need it)

[evilestgentleman]

The Bracket

Round 3 is underway, links to all current and previous polls beneath read more

Round 3

Group 1 26/6

Dorian Gray vs Elias Bouchard

Shelly De Killer vs Gustavo Fring

Essek Thelyss vs Dracula

Hannibal Lector vs Jean Descole

Group 2 28/6

Ty Betteridge vs Jin Guangyao

The Gentlemen vs Babenon Dosal

The Phantom of the Opera vs Count Dooku

James Moriarty vs Kristoph Gavin

Round 2

Group 1 19/6

The Master vs Dorian Gray

Elias Bouchard vs Peppermint Butler

Silco vs Shelly De Killer

Gustavo Fring vs Elim Garak

Group 2 20/6

Hannibal Lecter vs Toffee

The Gentleman Ghost vs Jean Descole

Sebastian Michaelis vs Essek Thelyss

Doc Scratch vs Dracula

Group 3 21/6

The Gentleman with the Thistledown Hair vs Ty Betteridge

Jin Guangyao vs Jigsaw/John Kramer

Dr Jekyll vs The Gentlemen

Babenon Dosal vs Luxord

Group 4 22/6

Spy vs The Phantom of the Opera

Viren vs Count Dooku

James Moriarty vs Scar

Kristoph Gavin vs The Penguin

Round 1

Group 1

The Master (Robert Delgado portrayal, Doctor Who) vs Dennis Reynolds (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Dorian Gray (The Portrait of Dorian Gray) vs Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)

Ghirahim (The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword) vs Elias Bouchard (The Magnus Archives)

Fate (Death and Taxes) vs Peppermint Butler (Adventure Time)

Group 2

Silco (Arcane) vs Swain (League of Legends)

Billy Flynn (Chicago) vs Shelly De Killer (Ace Attorney)

Gustavo Fring (Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul) vs Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

Elim Garak (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) vs Sinestro (DC/Green Lantern)

Group 3

Xu Wenwu (Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings) vs Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs (1991))

Elijah Mikaelson (The Vampire Diaries, The Originals) vs Toffee (Star vs. the Forces of Evil)

Skulduggery Pleasant (Skulduggery Pleasant) vs The Gentleman Ghost (DC)

Jean Descole (Professor Layton) vs Lucifer (The Sandman)

Group 4

Gabriel (Good Omens) vs Sebastian Michaelis (Black Butler)

Lysandre (Pokemon XY) vs Essek Thelyss (Critical Role)

Doc Scratch (Homestuck) vs Aro (Twilight)

Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes) vs Dracula (Dracula)

Group 5

Togami Byakuya (Danganronpa) vs The Gentleman with the Thistledown Hair (Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell)

Saruman the White (The Lord of the Rings) vs Hubert von Vestra (Fire Emblem: Three Houses) (vs Ty Betteridge (woe.begone))

Jin Guangyao (Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed) vs Ferdinand (Granblue Fantasy)

August Ruthven (The Case Study of Vanitas) vs Jigsaw/John Kramer (Saw)

Group 6

King Dice (Cuphead) vs Dr Jekyll (Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde)

The Gentlemen (Buffy) vs Griffith (Berserk)

Emet Selch (FFXIV) vs Babenon Dosal (Critical Role)

Luxord (Kingdom Hearts) vs Horde Prime (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Group 7

Spy (Team Fortress 2) vs Tywin Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones)

Señor Senior, Sr. (Kim Possible) vs The Phantom of the Opera (The Phantom of the Opera)

Walter Strickler (Tales of Arcadia: Trollhunters) vs Viren (The Dragon Prince)

Count Dooku (Star Wars) vs Lestat (Interview with the Vampire)

Group 8

Gentle Criminal (My Hero Academia) vs James Moriarty (Fate/Grand Order)

Scar (The Lion King) vs Magneto (X-Men)

Kristoph Gavin (Ace Attorney) vs Zaroff (The Most Dangerous Game)

The Penguin (Batman) vs The Spider (The Spider and the Fly)

[thegayfangrrl]

Killers I'd Like to Step On Me for Valentines Day

KILSOM Valentines (Round One)

Witches bracket:

the Grand High Witch (The Witches) vs. Zelda Spellman (The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina) Winifred Sanderson (Hocus Pocus) vs. Witch (Into the Woods) the Witch (The Witch) vs. Fiona Goode (American Horror Story Coven) Jadis (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe) vs. Melisandre (Game of Thrones)

Vampires bracket:

Carmilla von Karnstein (Carmilla) vs. Father Paul (Midnight Mass) Count Dracula (Dracula) vs. Armand (Interview with the Vampire) Eve (Only Lovers Left Alive) vs. Miriam Blaylock (The Hunger) Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) vs. Lady Alcina Dimitrescu (Resident Evil)

Brains bracket:

Villanelle (Killing Eve) vs. Hannibal Lecter (Hannibal) Lucille Sharpe (Crimson Peak) vs. Dexter Morgan (Dexter) Annie Wilkes (Misery) vs. John Kramer (Saw) Khan Noonien Singh (Star Trek) vs. Harley Quinn (DC Comics)

Slashers bracket:

Norman Bates (Psycho) vs. Michael Myers (Halloween) Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th) vs. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) Angela Baker (Sleepaway Camp) vs. Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) Ghostface (Scream) vs. Pearl (Pearl)

Machines bracket:

HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey) vs. WOPR (WarGames) GLaDOS (Portal) vs. Hexadecimal (ReBoot) Number Six (Battlestar Galactica) vs. Skynet (The Terminator) the Puppeteer (Ghost in the Shell) vs. the Red Queen (Resident Evil)

Fairytales bracket:

Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty) vs. Cruella de Vil (101 Dalmatians) Yzma (The Emperor's New Groove) vs. Scar (The Lion King) Jafar (Aladdin) vs. Chernobog (Fantasia) Ursula (The Little Mermaid) vs. Shan Yu (Mulan)

Kaiju braket:

Mothra (Mothra) vs. Kong (King Kong) Godzilla (Godzilla) vs. Clover (Cloverfield) the Shark (Jaws) vs. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (Ghostbusters) Crocodile (Crocodile) vs. Sandworm (Dune)

Aliens bracket:

Venom (Marvel Comics) vs. Predator (Predator) Ra (Stargate) vs. Xenomorph Queen (Alien) Jean Jacket (Nope) vs. Rose Quartz (Steven Universe) Pennywise (It) vs. The Master (Doctor Who)

[demonfox38]

Completed: Breath of Fire II (GBA)

Whaddya mean I last played a "Breath of Fire" game ten years ago?!

I've been having another year where I try to beat one game a month to continue working through my backlog. (Considering I've got at least 20 years of games to beat without touching my Steam list…At some point, it is just collecting for the vibes.) A friend of mine from college recently got in contact with me, and we started going through our game lists. He mentioned wanting to go through "Breath of Fire II," and I was like, "Hey, I haven't done that! December's game, here we go!"

"Breath of Fire II" is the second title of the "Breath of Fire" series, naturally falling into place as the distant sequel to the first game. In it, a young man is cut off from his family, raised alongside a literal thieving dog. After said dog is accused of thievery that he didn't actually commit, the hero is thrust out into the world, righting not only his personal wrongs, but the grievances of the world around him. Naturally, with friends. Some, echoing that Zelda and Link same appearance/name/role but not the same person motif that "Legend of Zelda" games have going.

You know that Church Bad / Dragons Good / Church Bad Because They Won't Let You Fuck Dragons post? That's basically this game in a nutshell.

While similar in composition to its predecessor, there's something distinctly more anime about "Breath of Fire II." It feels a bit like a television series, giving time to each party member to build on their backstory and motivations. Granted, it's usually along the line of "sister needs help" or "princess needs help" or "princess sister needs help", but ya know. It is an effort, and that effort was noted and appreciated.

Because of the time devoted to each character, I feel like I've got a better chance of remembering these party members 10 years on than my current memory stands with "Breath of Fire." In particular, I found Katt to be hilarious from a game design point of view. Gal's all attack, speed, critical hits, and getting the most damaging magic spells, but seems to be paper-frail when it comes to HP, defense, or AP (used for magic.) She's also got a literal pussy out look going on. It's weird. I do not understand this sense of attire. But, I do appreciate the damage output.

Also, it's kind of weird to have the one long-haired Nina design actually have short hair in her sprites. And purple wings that everyone else calls black. I mean, I get the latter more in terms of palette balancing, but why doesn't the translation just call her wings dark instead?

I've got a lot of questions about this translation.

Anyone who has ever played this game should have questions about this translation.

In a way, I'm fascinated with just how this strange English translation came about. The pronoun issues and dropping words from sentences? I get that. Japanese to English is not an easy way to go, so some grammatical whoopsy-doos will happen. I don't get the lack of periods, though. Why? Was it an attempt to free up space in the cartridge by cutting out the most used punctuation? Why did the GBA port repair so little? Capcom couldn't have been that strapped for cash.

The ending credits of this game lists character casts, not game development staff. That only further confuses me. Like, I looked on both MobyGames and The Cutting Room Floor to see if there was any development staff for the SNES version on either site, and the best I got was just for the GBA port. (At least, I assume Masayuki Fukumoto is not responsible for the original translation, given their earliest work was credited in 1998.) The Breath of Fire II Production Staff entry on a fan wiki lists a Justin Berenbaum and Chris Kramer as responsible for the translation, but I don't know what that was sourced from, and it doesn't seem to match a pattern of jobs on MobyGames for either listing I found there. This translation just doesn't seem like something a native English speaker would end up making. Not unless cartridge space issues were really that bad.

Someone's going to have an interesting YouTube essay on this subject, one day. Also, we really ought to send flowers to Ted Woosley as an apology.

In terms of gameplay, "Breath of Fire II" is fairly straight forward. Walk across the map, use character-specific actions to engage with the world, talk to people, enter random battles, grind. You know the RPG drill.

A significant battle modification comes in the way of shaman fusing. By recruiting multiple shamans, a majority of the cast (minus Ryu and a special hidden character) can combine powers with elemental master, gaining stat boosts and potentially changes in character appearance. So, basically, almost everybody gets to be Karn this time. Granted, the greatest of these powers isn't really given to you until the last dungeon of the game, and you'll likely have to consult a guide to get half of the shamans, but when it hits, it really hits. Frankly, it's a shame that they locked the physical transformations until so late in the game. The artwork provided for all of them is pretty neat!

Additionally, a new town building subquest has been added. Depending on the player's actions, they can recruit six distinct residents to their town, most of which provide unique services (like armories, aesthetic changes, stat buffs, etc.) This location (TownShip) can be used for free healing, and under the right circumstances, can even be used as transportation. Granted, if you're expecting something as complex or flexible as "Animal Crossing" games, this is going to be an underwhelming feature. Once you get a resident, they are hard locked in, which can really suck if you don't like the services that the resident in question provides.

Look, this is me giving you permission to hit up a guide. Multiple guides. All of the guides. Maybe I'd feel guiltier about pushing that if the game was sensible, but we're dealing with a decently sized RPG that has multiple endings and hidden features. You should be able to know how to meet those objectives. Like, the ending thing is half obvious, but God help you should you not find a single character hidden in the back of an optional town.

If Capcom put in the effort that Enix did with its "Dragon Quest/Warrior" games, I think it would be much more reasonable to stick to just the maps and manuals provided with the original game. But, hell. Look at this map.

Almost completely useless. (Source: eBay Auction "Breath of Fire 2 II SNES Super Nintendo Complete In Box CIB Authentic Map Poster" by ashtons_shop)

In a related topic, I appreciate how the dungeons in game attempted to shake things up with different objectives. Like, it's one thing to march straight through a cave, and another to root around an obese woman, purging demons from within her. (Yeah, this game could be known as the Anime Furry Vore RPG. It could also stand to be nicer to said demon-possessed woman.) The bit inside SimaFort was madcap as well, even with the aggravating music. It's not every day a person has to punch giant insects into submission and use their remains as food ingredients. (Honestly, I'm sad that we didn't take the frog knight Jean's sister with us instead. She definitely seems like she would have been more useful than he was. Probably had a higher attack stat, at any rate.)

Even with online help, I'm not certain that I understood everything with this game. Like, there's a status called Zombie that never really did anything to me. Probably because I killed enemies reasonably fast, and it seems like a status that takes a couple of turns to kick in. Ditto the flashing dragon gemstone bit. Was there a prototypical affection rating going on with that? That's what the story seems to imply, anyway. Also, I didn't seem to have any luck casting the Angel spell on the few targets that I tried. Had luck with the Death spell, though! That was unexpected.

Also, I'm pretty sure the initial shaman fusing dialogue message is bugged. Feels like it should have its initial Yes/No option mapped opposite the way it actually is. No clue on why the menu takes a few seconds to load in, though.

Like a person who has had two spiritual entities stapled onto them, I feel a bit mixed up about this game. The artistic direction is fun, and there are a lot of plot beats that I found enjoyable. "I don't really care for Sten in combat, but this war drama with him is fascinating." "Man, Rand's mom was cool." "So that's what happened to Ryu's sister! That makes total sense!" Things like that. Some of the side systems have not aged as well as the core, though. Or, at least, I can see the potential beyond what's there, and that bums me out. There's also a fair amount of side content reading that a person would have to do to optimize their playthrough, which I'm finding to be more of a bummer as time goes on. Like, I'd like to pretend I'm smart enough to figure out some of these conditions for a better ending or greater rewards. It's just hard to manifest them when critical characters can literally be hidden behind invisible/background tiles.

I think another thing that bugs me is that this is the one "Breath of Fire" game that I had heard the most praise for over the years. Not to say it wasn't entertaining! But, maybe I'm mourning potential again. Like, I haven't heard anything really bad said about "Breath of Fire III", so I look forward to getting to that one at some point. "IV"'s got continuity arguments up the wazoo, "V" is treated like a mutant, and "VI"…did you even know there was a "Breath of Fire VI"? No? Probably didn't help that it was episodic (not in the fun TV way), Japanese-only, online-focused, and shit-canned in an incomplete state.

Maybe I've got to stop fantasying about what could be and appreciate what is. That, or buy more weird little RPGs on Steam. In an era of AAA graphics, time, and budget bloating, I can't expect Capcom to do more with this series. Especially, not if they need a guaranteed seller. But, I can always throw money at developers who enjoy experimenting with kooky things like this.

[euripidesredux]

Extended credits for Museum at Tomorrow episode 5

Below the cut are all of the folks who I used (and asked to be credited) for recordings in Museum at Tomorrow episode 5- specifically, the "This is not for You" recordings.

(The list was too long for podcast episode descriptions)

These recordings were mixed into the soundscape of the show, heavily processed- so you may or may not be able to pick out your voice. Each unique recording is preserved as rhythem, timber, and shape within the episode.

Thank you for your work in creating the canvas of this piece.

Kate Bullen

K R Forsyth

Vega Jacobsen

Charlie

Rovi

Grace Gamble 

Wesley Lee Balete

Charlie Sloykowski

JC Hendry

Courtney Brothers

Arabella McDonald

Hanc Finestra

Katie H

Galacticguppy 

Beck Smith

GreenHeronHive

Micheal Vee

Mira Singer

Laurent J.L. Hall

Carley Mothersell

woaaah

cmt

November_Clouds

Elliott Neptune

Enrica Jossi

Ace

Jahan Shah 

Morgan Galagher

Niall LG

  Bates

Caroline Mincks

Daniel Kurtz

AJ Fidalgo

Tani

Shura

Zedek H

Halebop

Malia Northstar

Greg Ruddick

Solstice Hannan

Jessamy Thomison 

Cassie A.

Rachel Spokony

miss mr meow

Arti Richardson

Mattie J.

Geddy Cary-Avery,

 Ophelia Cary-Avery

Sophie Kaplan

X Speaks

Devin

Craux

Cap

Joe R

Ray Goldberg

Mog

The Marble System

Tina Case

Kate Bullen

Marionette

LD

Maddy Searle

Remi P

Meg Taylor

Beth

Evan Tess Murray

Amanda Jones

Amanda Ehrhardt

Nathan Fisentzou-Haji-Leonti

Johanna Andersson

Tess Huth

@faeriebullshit

Olivia Lion

Ange

Bridget M. Mueting

Wil Williams

Katie Utke

aceofgames

Savy Stay

Graham Rowat

Meredith

spaceacebreakface 

Molly Walsh

Belinda Parker

Erin Celovsky

liz

Caden Osojnak

Danniac 

Ray Schrader

Atlas Byrd

AJ. S.

JayseHasNoGrace

Fay Blackmore

Sharon Peterson

Katharina Abschlag 

Izzy

Ace Tayloe

kat B

Siz Hart

moth

Kathryn Cox

G. Honnigford

Pine Gonzalez

sisyphus

Essay

artie eigengrau

Rook Davis

Izzi Mata

grayson

Tamara Jones

Willow

G.F.

Leigh sharpe

Zelda MacFarland

Arkyn Wolf

Elany

Elaine Wiley

Mary Lewis-Phillipps

Claudia Elvidge

Kei Burke

Katie Vargas

Karleen Preator

Alicia Babich

Jonathan Sciance

Étoile

Hayden Laver

Barrett Vann

S Kramer

Maya Hiers-Lairson

judas

Archer Hickerson

Malinda

Nicole Liang

LF Haye

Louis Carroll

Stefanie K.

Autumn Wang 

jayvin

Badger Merriweather

Aiden

Sender Paulson

vexxervee

Rob Weiner

Peril

Lotte Schmidt 

fynn

Lor

Josie D. 

Jaryn Tyson

Common Blue Icarus

resplendeo

Claire Alpern

skelejor

Matt Weiss

M Zemlock

Kay Eileen

Callisto Holmes

Rhys

Noah Quinn

Sarah Elizabeth

Willow Belden

Amanda McCormack

Esrah Del Carlo

sunny

the Hartmans

Lee Ann Eden

Bob Proctor

Clueless

deda eliensis

Ohallo

Tara Schile

Marzi 

Flameheart Dryad

Sarah Lambrix 

JB Segal 

Ellis C

Ash

Autumn

Jaime Tamar

Haze Peers

Moose

Erin Bevan

Luci Tomich

Bryn

Michael W.

Kim Fukawa

Amy Strieter

Petra Hall

Mal

Charlie Rayshich

Susan Weiner

Everett Blackthorne

Vergess

Tor

ArionWind

M. Alti

N. B. Green

Aiden Nicholson

Jacky Rubou

Nura Lawrence

Gwen Clancy

Ollie M.

Caroline

Duo

Iris

ML Beck

Ray Makowski

Eljay Rich

MV8

Michelle Pigott

Rachel Pfennigwerth

Janika

Jamie Gump

Mason J Miller

Ella Watts

Cole

Mady Oswald

Valerie "ShinyHappyGoth" Kaplan

Anne Baird

Emily Ricotta

el-draco-bizarro

Ansel Burch

Nathan Sowell

LM Heß

Cy

Richard Peers

[little-lion-man-self-ships]

New F/Os!

These are the newest F/Os I'm adding to my list!

Damon Gant from Ace Attorney

Dick Gumshoe from Ace Attorney

Scar from Alien vs Predator (I had him as an F/O in the past but a Toxic friend made me remove him as an F/O)

Wolf from Alien vs Predator Requiem (also had him as an F/O in the past but the same Toxic friend made me take him off)

Gummigoo from The Amazing Digital Circus

Gladiolus Amicitia from Final Fantasy (Had him as an F/O in the past but I felt too self-conscious and removed him as an F/O)

Foxy from FNAF (Had him as an F/O in the past but Toxic friends made me remove him)

Kratos from God of War

Thor from God of War

Stolas from Helluva Boss

Tauro from Legend of Zelda TOTK

Tom Dupain from Miraculous Ladybug

Belos from Owl House (Had him as an F/O in the past but Toxic Friend made me remove him)

Feral Predator from Prey

Fugitive Predator from Predator (2018)

John Kramer from the Saw movies (Had him as an F/O in the past but Toxic Friend made me remove him)

Ketahn from The Spider's Mate Books

Bob Velseb from Spooky Month

Eddie Dear from Welcome Home

[paladincecil]

Not actual spoilers but reveals a shocking new series of games at the end :O

[lena-after-dark]

Masterlist

Who I write for is listed below:

Individual masterlists will be linked as they are created. Don't see a character you like? Send me an ask! I may be willing to add them.

American Horror Story

The Countess Dandy Mott Misty Day

Bates Motel/Psycho

Norma Bates Norman Bates

Blade

Deacon Frost Eric Brooks/Blade Mercury

Bleach

Byakuya Kuchiki Findorr Calius Gin Ichimaru Jin Kariya Kenpachi Zaraki Kensei Muguruma Mayuri Kurotsuchi Retsu Unohana Ryo Utagawa Sosuke Aizen Szayelaporro Granz Yoshi

Cabinet of Curiosities

Jenkins Brown (possessing Walter) Richard Pickman Walter Gilman

Cobra Kai/The Karate Kid

Da-Eun Kim Daniel LaRusso John Kreese Terry Silver

Courage the Cowardly Dog

Black Puddle Queen Freaky Fred

The Crow

Eric Draven Myca Top Dollar

DC

Bruce Wayne/Batman (Bale) Edward Nashton/The Riddler (Dano) Edward Nygma/The Riddler (Carrey + Smith) Fish Mooney Harley Quinn (Robbie) Jervis Tetch/ Hatter Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow (Murphy) Joker (Ledger + Phoenix) Orm Marius Oswald Cobblepot (Taylor) Victor Zsasz (Carrigan)

Dead to Me

Jen Harding Judy Hale

Disney (* denotes live action only)

Claude Frollo Cruella DeVil* (2021) Diaval* Maleficent* King Stefan*

Evil Dead Rise

Ellie

The Faculty

Edward Furlong Elizabeth Burke Joe Willis

Firefly Trilogy

Baby Firefly Otis B Driftwood Foxy Coltraine

Final Fantasy

Cid Bunansa/Dr. Cid Kadaj Loz Lulu Rufus Shinra Sephiroth Seymour Guado Vayne Solidor Vincent Valentine Yazoo

Funny Games

Paul Peter

Game of Thrones

Brienne of Tarth Cersei Lannister Jaqen H'Ghar Margaery Tyrell Melisandre Petyr Baelish Ramsay Bolton

House of the Dragon

Aemond Targaryen Daemon Targaryen Larys Strong

Hunter x Hunter

Chrollo Lucifer Hisoka Morou Illumi Zoldyck Uvogin

Insidious

Josh Lambert + Parker Crane possessing Josh Steven "Specs" Fisher

Jujutsu Kaisen

Choso Kamo Geto Suguru (+ Kenjaku) Mahito Mei Mei Nanami Kento Ryomen Sukuna Toji Fushiguro

The Legend of Zelda

Ganondorf (Twilight Princess) Ghirahim Midna Sidon Zant

The Letter for the King

Jaro Viridian

Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit

Beorn Grima Wormtongue Thranduil

MCU

Agatha Harkness Heimdall Hela M'Baku Melina Vostokoff Namor/K’uk’ulkan Natasha Romanoff Norman Osborn/Green Goblin Okoye Olivia Octavius/Doc Ock Otto Octavius/Doc Ock Peter Parker (Maguire) Ultron Wanda Maximoff

My Hero Academa

Enji Todoroki/Endeavor Shota Aizawa/Eraserhead

Naruto

Deidara Hidan Kakazu Kisame Orochimaru

One Piece (Live Action ONLY)

Buggy Garp Kuro Sanji

Repo! The Genetic Opera

Amber Sweet Luigi Largo Nathan Wallace Pavi Largo

Saw

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight Amanda Young John Kramer

Silent Hill

Pyramid Head Vincent Smith

Stranger Things

001/Henry Creel Dmitri "Enzo" Antonov Joyce Byers

Thirteen Ghosts:

Dana Newman/The Angry Princess Dennis Rafkin Horace Mahoney/The Juggernaut Royce Clayton/The Torn Prince Ryan Kuhn/The Jackal

Us:

Abraham Tex

Wednesday

Larissa Weems Marilyn Thornhill

Would You Rather

Julian Lambrick Shepard Lambrick

X-Files

Cecil L'ively Dana Scully Fox Mulder Luther Lee Boggs

Misc. Characters

Adrian Tepes/Alucard (Castlevania) Albert Shaw/The Grabber (The Black Phone) Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) Bo Sinclair (House of Wax) Cesaire (Red Riding Hood) Commodus (Gladiator) Creepy Thin Man (Charlie's Angels) Daniel Robitaille/Candyman (1992) Dio Brando (JJBA) Doug Davis (Cooties) Dracula (Lugosi + Bang) Ellie (Evil Dead Rise) Habit (EverymanHYBRID) John Ryder (The Hitcher) John Wick Kruger (Elysium) Kusuriuri/Medicine Seller (Mononoke) L Lawliet (Death Note) The Man (Hush) Moira (The Princess) Quentin Shermer/The Blissfield Butcher (Freaky) Rachel Summers (The Uninvited) Ransom Drysdale (Knives Out) Ross Humboldt (In the Tall Grass)

Celebrities* (see request rules)

Angela Bassett Idris Elba Jeffrey Dean Morgan Kathryn Hahn Patrick Wilson Sigourney Weaver Vera Farmiga

[pholiabanna]

They’re writing love letters to Will while he’s in California

Mike when he sees that AT LEAST SOMEONE has the balls to send them:

[trans-gay-arospec-mike-wheeler]

Who would you say is more likely to defeat Vecna: Mike, Zelda, Mikhail or David?

In the final battle, they must all come together to defeat Vecna actually. My children are the saviors of Hawkins

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Teen Witch

Controversial opinion: stories about witches are the best stories. Just look at WandaVision - bitches ate that UP because it’s about WITCHES, which means it’s ultimately about loss and trauma and female (literal) empowerment in the face of those tragedies (and I mean there’s some complicated stuff in there about inflicting trauma upon others, even accidentally, and that’s kind of a witch thing too). And Sabrina is all well and good and everything, but what if you want your witch story to be a little less Dark Arts and a little more candy-coated? Have I got the film for you! Wes requested Teen Witch as part of his quest to expand my cheesy 80s cult classic knowledge, and boy did this one deliver. How 80s-tastic are we talking? Well...

The basic story is this: Louise (Robyn Lively) is a typical teen girl who occupies the nerd level of the high school hierarchy. You know the type - soft-spoken, nerdy best friend, has a crush on the cutest guy in school (Dan Gauthier), made fun of in gym class by all the cheerleaders. One day she crashes her bike in front of a psychic’s home/place of business and goes inside to use the phone, but gets her palm read first. The psychic, named Madame Serena, (Zelda Rubenstein, playing, I’m assuming, herself) tells her she will soon come into some witchy powers on her 16th birthday. When Louise’s birthday rolls around, you guessed it - witching aplenty. She gets the popularity, she gets the cute guy, she ditches her nerdy friend; it’s basically The Princess Diaries without Queen Julie Andrews. But then, y’know, she learns a valuable lesson about the high price of popularity and how important it is to be true to yourse--wait, no she doesn’t, she takes off her magic necklace and smooches with the boy she likes at the school dance and that’s how it ends.

Some thoughts:

This slow motion credit sequence is incredible. See, we just don’t have this anymore, where the movie starts and you have no fucking idea what’s going on. The 80s really knew how to draw an audience in. Is this a dream? Is this a music video? No one knows! That’s why it’s exciting!

Why are tv and movies so obsessed with a completely made-up depiction of what takes place outside a high school’s entrance before the first bell? Apparently there’s a busker festival going on at this high school every day - there’s guys doing BMX tricks, an all white rap group, I think I saw some jugglers.

I’ve actually taught in both middle and high school, so I know this English teacher (Shelley Berman) wouldn’t be fired for being such a shitty teacher, but he should be. 

Is this like...a musical? First there was the terrible rapping, now there are cheerleaders doing “the new cheer” which is literally a song just saying “I...LIKE...BOYS!” and there’s a dance routine on top of lockers - there’s a lot of towel choreography. It feels like a musical in the sense that it’s nonsensical, but I don’t actually think it IS a musical. Genre-defying!

It’s kinda creepy that Louise is watching an extended montage of Brad (Gauthier) working out shirtless from the shadows but like...same, girl. Damn, Brad.

Aw, at least Brad is reasonably nice. Louise, show some backbone! You shouldn’t have been too proud to let him drive you home after he ran you off the road on your bike accidentally!

I am just mystified by the market for roles that were appropriate for Zelda Rubenstein in the 80s. What is this niche? Which came first, Zelda Rubenstein, or these characters? 

I am also mystified by this gremliny little brother (Joshua John Miller) who seems to be obsessed with eating cake and never washing his hair. He’s like a goblin trapped in a diminutive nonbinary body made of pizza and spite. [ETA: I now feel a little bad for finding him so repellent in this, as the actor wrote one of my favorite meta horror movies, The Final Girls, in 2015. So at least he grew up and made something cool of himself.]

OMFG did Brad just hit the soda machine for her like the fucking Fonz? 

There is (temporarily) a Very Good Dog who is not harmed in any way.

In what universe does Louise see what her date, David (Jared Chandler), is wearing and be like “he’s such a geek” when she looks like an extra from Leave it to Beaver. 

The DJ just said “OK guys, grab your wallets, it’s a slow song.” What...does that even mean? Is he implying that slow dances are expensive? Ooh or even more nefarious, that there’s a rampant pickpocketing problem during slow dances?

Did Louise...just imply that the number of light years away a star is dictates how soon a wish you make on that star would come true? Listen. I’m no astrophysicist. But I have read enough Neil Degrasse Tyson tweets to know that that’s not how any of this works. 

OK I take back what I said, David is a fucking CREEP. Drag his ass, Louise. However, I think she may have straight up murdered him by making him disappear. David is never seen or heard from again in this film. 

Obsessed with the dad’s sweaters both because they are ridiculous and because he is the lesser Darren from the original Bewitched. 

It feels weird that Louise’s revenge involves forcing Mr. Weaver to take his clothes off in front of the class.Who wants that? Like I get that it’s humiliating for him, but really, you’re only punishing yourself here Louise. 

There is a rap-off that is meant to convey electric sexual tension between two nerdy ass white kids. 

I don’t know what it was like at your school, but I can tell you for sure that at my high school no one ever applauded when the most popular girl in school walked into the classroom like she’s Kramer making an entrance on Seinfeld.

Why is Brad taking her to an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere? And why is she wearing heels?

Oh god she took the heels off and now she’s barefoot in this decrepit house, that’s so much worse! TETANUS EXISTS LOUISE.

Wait are they going to fuck in the abandoned house? Brad has a girlfriend! You brought heels, but did you bring condoms?? I guess she has bigger concerns than tetanus now. Also I feel so bad for these actors, they are both DRIPPING sweat. That must have been a miserable shoot.

I’ve said this before, but the 80s were such an incredible time for himbo fashion. Crop tops, those tank tops with the giant holes for the arms, teeny little basketball shorts. In the 90s all we had were JNCOs and weirdly “urbanized” Looney Tunes characters on baggy t-shirts. Gen X has no idea how good they had it re: male fashion. 

I’m genuinely obsessed with the idea that popularity means the school just has banners all over that say “LOUISE” and she gets like, cards and fan mail that say “Louise U R the best.” This feels like if you ask a kindergartner what being popular means.

Madame Serena just said “the real magic is believing in yourself” which is exactly what Louise’s dad said like 15 minutes ago, but I guess he wasn’t a 3-foot-tall witch so no one paid attention when he said it. 

Y’know for an 80s prom outfit, Louise’s dress is pretty cute. 

I cannot stress enough that Brad’s girlfriend is at this dance while he and Louise are kissing! Does no one care? Were high school attitudes toward monogamy just way more flexible in the 80s? 

Did I Cry? Shyeah, right. 

This is such an odd, mostly charming, but wildly perplexing little movie. There was no antagonist or real conflict here, at all. Louise barely struggles with any sort of tension or remorse about having her powers and what it means for her life, she just kind of decides at the end that she’s over it, and she still gets the guy and no actual negative consequences from bending the entire school to her will for the past few months. I mean, in The Craft, when people use magic for their own gains, other people fucking DIE. I was definitely entertained, but a lot of it was due to me saying, “What? How? What?” loudly at the screen. I can see how this has gained a cult following in much the same way that other oddball 80s fare like Better Off Dead or Girls Just Wanna Have Fun did. Watch it once, then watch it again while you get drunk with your friends (in a post-Covid world, obviously) and you’ll probably have a pretty great time. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[teamthunderdome]

ROUND 1 RESULTS

For those of you just joining us...

The TEAM THUNDERDOME is a tumblr bracket in which teams of 3 or 4, both iconic and obscure, duke it out in deathmatches voted on by you, the viewer at home.

64

teams ENTERED the event, divided equally into 4 quarters.

32

teams remain.

These are their stories.

QUARTER 1

FIGHT #1 - [W] Team FANBOY (Fanboy, Chum Chum, Kyle) VS [L] Team WINCHESTER (Sam, Dean, Castiel, Crowley)

FIGHT #2 - [L] Team GONDOR (Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf) VS [W] Team TRIFORCE (Link, Zelda, Groose)

FIGHT #3 - [L] Team DEKU (Izuku, Ochaco, Shouto, Tsuyu) VS [W] Team RHYTHM THIEF (Raphael, Fondue, Marie, Charlie)

FIGHT #4 - [W] Team SHREK (Shrek, Fiona, Donkey, Puss in Boots) VS [L] Team HOMESTUCK (John, Rose, Dave, Jade)

FIGHT #5 - [L] Team TARDIS (The Doctor, Amy, Rory, River) VS [W] Team KRUSTY KRAB (SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs)

FIGHT #6 - [W] Team INCONCEIVABLE (Inigo, Fezzik, Vizzini) VS [L] Team ROTTEN (Robbie, Tobby, Bobby, Flobby)

FIGHT #7 - [L] Team UMIZOOMI (Milli, Geo, Bot) VS [W] Team OOO (Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, BMO)

FIGHT #8 - [W] Team LOONEY (Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Michael) VS [L] Team STAR WARS (Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca)

QUARTER 2

FIGHT #1 - [W] Team JIGSAW (Kramer, Young, Hoffman, Gordon) VS [L] Team MUSKETEERS (Athos, Porthos, Aramis, D'Artagnan)

FIGHT #2 - [W] Team ELITE BEAT (Spin, J, Chieftain, Starr) VS [L] Team 1908 THOMAS FLYER (Schuster, Roberts, Hansen, MacAdam)

FIGHT #3 - [W] Team FORTRESS (Heavy, Medic, Engineer, Soldier) VS [L] Team BIONIS (Shulk, Reyn, Dunban, Sharla)

FIGHT #4 - [L] Team COOL RUNNINGS (Derice, Sanka, Junior, Yul) VS [W] Team SCIENCE (Gordon, Bubby, Tommy, Dr. Coomer)

FIGHT #5 - [L] Team AIONIOS (Noah, Lanz, Eunie, Riku) VS [W] Team MARIO (Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi)

FIGHT #6 - [W] Team GHOSTS (Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Clyde) VS [L] Team NARUTO (Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura)

FIGHT #7 - [W] Team SONIC (Sonic, Tails, Knuckles) VS [L] Team METROCITY (Megamind, Roxanne, Minion, Metro Man)

FIGHT #8 - [W] Team PERSONA (Makoto, Kotone, Yu, Ren) VS [L] Team DOODLEBOPS (Deedee, Rooney, Moe)

QUARTER 3

FIGHT #1 - [W] Team LAYTON (Layton, Luke, Emmy) VS [L] Team KRISPIES (Snap, Crackle, Pop)

FIGHT #2 - [L] Team SMILING FRIENDS (Pim, Charlie, Alan, Glep) VS [W] Team RWBY (Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang)

FIGHT #3 - [W] Team MYSTERY INC (Fred, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne) VS [L] Team WIGGLES (Jeff, Anthony, Murray, Greg)

FIGHT #4 - [L] Team GARFIELD (Garfield, Jon, Odie, Liz) VS [W] Team WRIGHT (Phoenix, Apollo, Athena, Trucy)

FIGHT #5 - [L] Team OF LIGHT (Harker, Seward, Morris, Van Helsing) VS [W] Team WONDER PETS (Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming)

FIGHT #6 - [L] Team BAKUGO (Bakugo, Mina, Denki, Eijirou) VS [W] Team BEATLES (John, Paul, George, Ringo)

FIGHT #7 - [L] Team PUYO PUYO (Ringo, Arle, Amitie, Lemres) VS [W] Team WOOHP (Sam, Alex, Clover)

FIGHT #8 - [W] Team PILLAR MEN (Santana, Wham, ACDC, Kars) VS [L] Team HERCULES (Hercules, Iolaus, Salmoneus, Autolycus)

QUARTER 4

FIGHT #1 - [W] Team ROCKMAN (Rock, Roll, Blues, Bass) VS [L] Team ASKR (Alfonse, Anna, Sharena)

FIGHT #2 - [L] Team VOCALOID (Miku, Len, Rin) VS [W] Team DARK (Shadow, Rouge, Omega)

FIGHT #3 - [W] Team KEYBLADE (Sora, Donald, Goofy) VS [L] Team TWILIGHT (Bella, Edward, Jacob)

FIGHT #4 - [L] Team SHERLOCK (Sherlock, John, Mycroft) VS [W] Team MASH (Hawkeye, BJ, Charles)

FIGHT #5 - [L] Team GRYFFINDOR (Harry, Ron, Hermione) VS [W] Team CHANNEL 5 (Ulala, Space Michael, Jaguar, Pudding)

FIGHT #6 - [W] Team POWERPUFF (Blossom, Buttercup, Bubbles) VS [L] Team AVALANCHE (Cloud, Tifa, Barrett, Aerith)

FIGHT #7 - [W] Team AEGIS (Rex, Pyra, Mythra) VS [L] Team POOH (Winnie the, Piglet, Eeyore, Christopher Robin)

FIGHT #8 - [W] Team TALLY HALL (Rob, Andrew, Zubin, Joe) VS [L] Team REGULAR (Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, Skips)

WE'LL SEE YOU IN ROUND 2!

in the meantime, while tourney officials are setting up the next round, please enjoy these HYPOTHETICAL NO-HOLDS-BARRED-(EXCEPT-FOR-THE-HOLDS-THAT-WE'VE-BEEN-BARRING-THIS-WHOLE-TIME) OFF-THE-WALL ON-THE-GROUND HEADS-UP-SEVEN-UP-(OR-I-GUESS-EIGHT-UP-(BECAUSE-THERE'S-EIGHT-OF-THEM)) CANONICALLY NON-CANON OFFICIALLY UNOFFICIAL SUPER DUPER ULTRA HYPER MEGA MONSTER COMBO BREAKER SMASH EXHIBITION MATCHES!

EXHIBITION MATCH - THE IDEA THAT BROUGHT ALL THIS UPON US Team DOODLEBOPS (Deedee, Rooney, Moe) VS Team WIGGLES (Jeff, Anthony, Murray, Greg)

EXHIBITION MATCH - TUMBLR, 2014 Team WINCHESTER (Sam, Dean, Castiel, Crowley) VS Team TARDIS (The Doctor, Amy, Rory, River) VS Team SHERLOCK (Sherlock, Watson, Mycroft) VS Team HOMESTUCK (John, Dave, Rose, Jade)

EXHIBITION MATCH - BATTLE OF THE REALLY LONG NAMES Team OF LIGHT (Jonathan Harker, Jack Seward, Quincey Morris, Abraham Van Helsing) VS Team 1908 THOMAS FLYER (George Schuster, Montague Roberts, Hans Hendrik Hansen, George MacAdam)

EXHIBITION MATCH - TEAMS OF TEAMS ARE OK TOO Conglomerate Team RHYTHM (Teams ELITE BEAT, CHANNEL 5, RHYTHM THIEF) VS Conglomerate Team PUZZLE (Teams LAYTON, WRIGHT, PUYO PUYO)

EXHIBITION MATCH - HONORABLE MENTIONS, PART I Team DRILLGIRL (Raven, Berrycream Frosting, Dark Shi) VS TEAM ONCE-LER (The Once-ler, The Once-ler, The Once-ler)

EXHIBITION MATCH - HONORABLE MENTIONS, PART II Team FOOTBALL (Pioneer 9, Pioneer 10, Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer) VS Team FAZBEAR (Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, Foxy)

EXHIBITION MATCH - HONORABLE MENTIONS, PART III Team DELOREAN (Marty, Emmett, Clara) VS Team COUNCIL (Fauna, Kronii, Mumei, Baelz)

EXHIBITION MATCH - AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION Vote on the bracket structure for Round 2!

And remember - ALL VOTES ARE FINAL! Don't even THINK about running a loser's bracket. YOU'RE NOT GETTING ONE. As always,

Good luck to all participating teams!

[arecomicsevengood]

“Follow Your Own Star”

Lately I’ve found it hard to shake the feeling that everything of value is being destroyed, but we are being given simulacra in exchange, while we wait, to soften the blow. The relationship between the U.S. economy and what actually has value is basically nil, obviously, and COVID has only highlighted that, but beyond that, being in isolation has brought to light how much of what I consider “real” because it exists outside the bounds of money is nonetheless vulnerable. We’ve been given podcasts to fill our working hours with parasocial relationships where once we may’ve had genuine camaraderie with our coworkers. We’re given desultory political candidates to vote for in the absence of those who would govern in accordance with our actual beliefs. It feels like an elaborate art heist is taking place, where the masterpieces are exchanged for forgeries, and the endgame of those seeking to enrich themselves is to set a bonfire of all that’s made us human, all we’ve invested our true selves into. All this can occur only because our relationships have been made increasingly transactional already. I wondered at the start of quarantine how many couples, with the ability to see one another in the flesh compromised, had switched to having “sex” over Skype, how many intimate relationships were compromised by distance into resembling cam shows. Partly this curiosity was a way of comforting myself, as I came to the understanding that I would not be entering into anything approaching a real romantic relationship for the foreseeable future.

In the context of all of this, reading a book that feels reminiscent of the work of another artist feels like a minor thing, but it slips easily enough into the larger pattern. After reading Roaming Foliage by Patrick Kyle, I thought “Huh, this is very much a CF/Brian Chippendale thing.” Then, after reading Eight-Lane Runaways by Henry McCausland, I thought, “Oh, this is even more like a CF thing.” Both are, I think, appropriate for kids, which Powr Mastrs isn’t, but I also never read Powr Mastrs and felt like the thing that made it good was its BDSM pornography elements. People have been biting CF’s style for years — enough for him to address it with a little note in the third Powr Mastrs book, instructing them to “follow your own star.” Simon Hanselmann admits the similarities between the character design for Owl and a character in CF’s story in Kramers Ergot 5, Hanselmann’s subsequent popularity seems to suggest a moment where something becomes less of a direct influence and more just something that exists generally in the world. It’s art: Inspiration, influence, and appropriation are all part of the game. Reading Hanselmann, I’ve wondered what his work would’ve been like before exposure to his most obvious influences; reading these, I wondered instead if they would still have been made had Powr Mastrs 4 ever come out, to finish out the story and close the system; it feels like, in a transactional relationship between artist and audience, the fact of a work remaining unfinished makes it more socially acceptable to steal from. For instance, think of the debt Alejandro Jodorowsky’s The Holy Mountain owes to Rene Daumal’s Mount Analogue. It feels like an attempt to create something with an ending, to satisfy a desire for the logic to reach its conclusion. The comics fulfill a certain set of expectations, I found them a pleasant enough experience, satisfying on a certain level. However, on a deeper level, I found them completely unsatisfying, because they speak so directly to a sense of unfulfilled potential. They lack the thrill that CF’s comics provide, of totally transcending any expectations placed on them.

Measuring the impact made by CF, Paper Rad, and the Fort Thunder contingent is difficult to calculate, because there were so many radical gestures inside that work, and while some have been metabolized, others have not. The “reclamation of genre material in an art-school context” is maybe the most readily understood. Johnny Ryan’s Prison Pit probably wouldn’t exist were it not for these comics, but that’s such a “who cares” for me, such a dumbed-down and simplistic understanding of what makes these comics good. The silkscreening of covers is close behind, in terms of something that people really ran with. That’s fine, no one owns silkscreening, it looks great. What hasn’t really been reckoned with are the gestures against commodity fetishism. Paper Rodeo is progenitor of the free comics newspaper format, but the work that ran there is so much wilder than what you see in what followed, and most of it was anonymous. I understand why that was a gauntlet that wasn’t picked up, but is still one of the things that made an impact on its initial readership. Similarly, I haven’t seen anyone steal the CF format of the single-sheet xerox, with comics on the front and back. I guess that’s not surprising! But honestly? Sick format.

I’ve just been talking about comics, but Lightning Bolt playing on the floor is its own radical gesture, albeit one with an obvious precedent in the form of Crash Worship. The Forcefield oeuvre is its own thing. Those videos are great! The animation made out of photographing the cutting layers of multicolored clay… I wonder how much of this stuff hasn’t been picked up on because it’s the last stand of working with real world physical materials, before the coming of digital as the default medium for art students to work in. Obviously, the silkscreening has similar roots in physical media, and playing on floors relates directly to how you communicate with people when you’re in the same physical space as them. Real world community has distinct advantages, but many that came after took the trade for the benefits working digitally provides. Anyway. I could write a 33 1/3 book proposal for Lightning Bolt’s Ride The Skies that addresses all this stuff, but I also believe I would not be the best person to write such a book; I suspect those better suited would not be interested.

There is something so exciting about artists whose work feels overflowing with ideas, not just on a level of concept or drawing but also in terms of how the work is presented. That whole Providence/Picturebox crew was so abundant with this creative ferment that when I see others picking up on individual threads it makes sense on a certain level — you want more of a certain thing — but if it’s not backed up by something distinctly unique, as a reader I’m hyper-aware of what’s absent.

These artists also made books, and records, and it was their doing so that brought their work to a larger audience, including me. Not everything has to be a gesture against making money. But at the same time, radical gestures suggest the benefits made in fostering community work out better in the long term than leveraging oneself to be consumed as a commodity does. This is not to suggest that McCausland or Kyle are doing something wrong that will sabotage some sort of grand plan for utopia: I’m really just riffing here. If I buy electronic music mp3s online, I’m not necessarily going to lament the death of live music performance the same way I do when buying the mp3s of a jazz act. Looking at a contemporary superhero comic that feels dire and ugly will make me nostalgic for the Mike Parobeck comics of my youth, but a contemporary black and white zine exists in a completely different universe and might not remind me of anything. Certain things make you miss the world that was more than others.

It’s also worth noting that by all accounts Patrick Kyle has a bunch of people online ripping off his style but I have successfully been able to avoid such people. While Roaming Foliage is consciously modeled after the sort of weird adventure comics of not just Powr Mastrs, but also Brian Chippendale’s If N Oof,  What I am most often seeing and thinking “that’s a ripoff” is the presence of these geometrical patterns which are also similar to design choices made throughout his oeuvre. There’s a chaotic, obfuscatory energy approach to comics that he works with frequently, but so much of his other comics feel dark, melancholy, or paranoid whereas this feels much lighter in its tone. At the same time, compared to the claustrophobia of Don’t Come In Here, having his characters move about makes for an adventure narrative. Watching them wander, interact, and be given quests and goals belongs to this tradition that’s not unique to the Picturebox artists — but the feeling that this fantasy material was arrived at through adventure games like Zelda moreso than Tolkien makes for this sort of… generational level of familiarity, rather than seeming to occupy some sort of Campbellian myth-space, if that makes sense. The strangeness of Kyle’s art, where backgrounds overtake figures, suggests a sort of PC glitching, almost like the Cory Arcangel/Paper Rad collaboration Super Mario Movie, but achieved through photocopier technology of blowing up and distorting images. It is the sensation of a feeling being chased after that makes the book feel less exciting and more melancholy, though subsequently, that darker feeling might make the book slot into Kyle’s oeuvre so much that bigger fans of his might not even notice the resemblance I’m seeing.

McCausland has a list of acknowledgments in his book which includes CF alongside Herge and Otomo. I can sort of see them all, but Herge especially is an influence that’s been so widely absorbed by comics as a whole that I really only feel particularly aware of it in the case of Joost Swarte or something. McCausland’s resemblance to CF is reinforced by things as molecular as a resemblance in the lettering, which is really odd. The figures all have this youthful smallness to them, and I can’t tell if the characters are meant to be young specifically or if it’s just the way he’s learned to draw. I can see Otomo, but it’s definitely approached through the CF filter. Other trademarks, like the rendering of geometric shapes, the patterns of parallel lines, seems integrated, highlighted, by the “racetrack” premise that gives the book its name. However, he distinguishes himself because his work is more constantly busy, with the same general level of detail. There’s also these trees in the background, which seem like they’re rendered as these painted soft grey daubs, a type of texture you don’t see in CF’s darkened pencil work.

His storytelling is different, prone to large spreads, or showing the same character multiple times in a panel as they move across the landscape. (The dimensions of Eight-Lane Runaways are considerably larger than those of Powr Mastrs.) There are nonetheless panels that seem exactly like CF drawings, but with a less cryptic sense of humor. It feels more populist, like it’s based around what a person liked, and in the act of working it out, subtracted the mystery. What would’ve been a detailed “money shot” in a CF sequence is here the baseline level of drawing detail that never gets subtracted from. It’s really fascinating to me how this makes it less good, I think many people would prefer it.

I wrote most of this before learning that Anthology is releasing a new CF book next week. You can order it and see preview images at the Floating World site. You can draw your own conclusions. CF’s on his own path such that you might not even note a resemblance between his new images and McCausland’s. We’re all living on the same planet, orbiting the same sun in an expanding universe, subject to the will of an accelerating time.