#yup i'm a failure

[seospicybin]

THE FUCKBOY NEXT DOOR.

PART I

Bangchan x reader. (s,a)

Chapters: Part II / Part III

Synopsis: Having issues to break up with your boyfriend, you seek help from the boy next door and the number one fuckboy in the area, Chan. (10k words)

Author's note: I went through a nasty break up a few weeks ago and this is basically just me trying to cope by being delulu about having a fuckboy Chan as a neighbor. Enjoy x

It becomes a habit now that Chan doesn't know where he is when he wakes up in the morning.

The first thing that he'll do is retrace everything to last night. He was DJ-ing at a club, had a few drinks in between, met a girl who was eyeing him the whole night, had a few more drinks, there was a little touching and a quick makeout session in the dark alley and people can guess what happens after that

So this is where he is right now, the girl's bedroom and he can recall everything that happened last night except the girl's name.

"Fuck!" Chan mutters under his breath.

Judging from how bright the sun is outside, he knows he only has a little window to make his escape so he quickly gets off the bed as calmly as possible. He then tiptoes around to gather his clothes and put them on without making any noise.

However, he fails at it as the head from his belt hits the bed frame and the clanging of metal meets metal echoing in the room.

The girl steers on her sleep and rolls over to the side, she brushes her hair away from her face, catching Chan putting his belt on.

The plan to make a quick getaway has come to a failure but he keeps his cool, continuing to buckle his belt and then plants his hands on each side of his waist.

"Morning," He awkwardly says with a forced smile.

"Morning," the girl replies with a smile then props an elbow against the mattress, sending the duvet sliding down her body and exposing her bare chest to him.

Chan might have been a little drunk when he met her but damn, his fuckboy radar works well even under the influence of alcohol.

"You're leaving already?" She asks, flipping her hair to the back to expose more of those beautiful mounds to him.

Chan has to tell his pervy brain to focus actively, he looks away and picks up his jacket from the floor.

"I promised a friend to help him move out today," He lies, then pretends to check the time on his phone, "And I'm kind of late."

The girl nods then twirls her hair around her finger, "Well then... when can I see you again?"

"I hope soon," Chan says with his charming grin that disguises the insincerity in his answer.

The girl smiles at that which confirms that the grin works, "But seriously, I can't wait to see you again," she says.

"I'll call you," he says because that's what he can promise her at the moment but whether he'll do it or not is uncertain.

"But you don't have my numbers yet," she says with her eyebrows wrinkled in suspicion.

"No, I'm sure you already did," he says, convincing her by scrolling the contacts on his phone.

"Yup. I have your numbers already," he lies again, showing her a random contact on his phone for a quick second.

"But my name is Thalia," she says, cleverly catching the name on the contact.

"Yes, of course, you're Thalia," he says with utmost confidence and his ultimate weapon of a dimpled smile.

The girl seems alarmed though. She sits up on the bed and clutches the duvet close to her chest, "We're going to see each other again, right Chris?"

"Yes," he answers without a beat, and at this point, lying is as easy as breathing to him.

"Can I get a kiss before you leave?"

"Sure," he says, coming around the bed to give her a quick peck on the lips.

The girl smiles when he lets go and watches as he walks to the doorway, "I'll call you, Tanya."

"It's Thalia," she corrects him with an apparent displeasure on her face.

Chan shoves his phone into the pocket of his jeans and takes the time to properly bid her goodbye. Nothing a girl likes more than a sweet mouth and a little assurance, he'll give her exactly that.

"I'll see you soon, Thalia," Chan says with a smile.

"See you soon, Chris," and the girl naively believes him, if only she knew that this will be the last time they're seeing each other.

Yet again, Chan makes another successful getaway.

-

The warm weather of spring makes it a pleasant walk from the bus stop to his apartment building. He wants to stop somewhere for breakfast but his head feels heavy from the hangover, he just wants to go home as soon as possible, have a bowl of cereal then take an aspirin for the pounding headache.

In the lobby, he makes a quick stop to collect his mail and takes a quick check at it, sorting them out on the spot so he knows which ones he should bring upstairs.

From the corner of his eyes, Chan catches his neighbor, you with your boyfriend chatting by the elevator. He notices the gestures, the expression, and the whole interaction, it doesn't take a genius to know that something is going on there that the naked eyes can't see.

Chan throws the unnecessary mail into the trash bin nearby and walks to the elevator, hearing the little conversation going on between you and your boyfriend.

"...the waffles were delicious. We should have breakfast there again," the boyfriend says as he looks at you, "What do you think?"

"Yeah," you meekly answer while looking at the little screen that shows the floor the elevator is stopping in.

Chan tries to remain invisible but his eyes accidentally make contact with your boyfriend so he may as well make his presence known.

"Hi, neighbor," he greets, he knows your name but you seem to prefer to be called that way.

You do what you always do whenever you meet each other in the building, give him a quick judging look and a courteous smile.

"And hi neighbor's boyfriend," he greets your boyfriend next.

"Hi," your boyfriend greets back, "Chris, isn't it?"

"Yes and you are Lee," Chan responds.

"Right. So how was your Friday night?" Lee initiates a small talk.

"I believe it wasn't as good as yours," Chan playfully answers.

"Oh, we just stayed in and watched a movie, right baby?" Lee says, putting his arm around your shoulder.

All of a sudden, you take a step forward and say, "It's here."

The elevator doesn't chime until a moment later but you seem to be more than eager to get in. You turn around to give your boyfriend a quick hug.

"I'll try to leave early so we can have dinner together," Lee says with a quick kiss on the cheek.

"It's okay. Take your time," you say with a faint smile.

Chan quietly gets into the elevator and holds the door open for you, he tries not to look at what's happening in front of him not out of politeness but it's just painful to watch.

"I'll call you," Lee adds, catching your hand as you enter the elevator and kissing it.

"Okay," you say then wave your hand at him.

To help you get out of it, Chan releases his finger off the buttons and sends the doors sliding shut.

"Bye, baby," Lee says for the last time before the doors completely close.

It's just another awkward elevator ride with you and he'll usually try to endure it but after watching all that and trying not to say anything is hard, he can't help but impose.

He glances at you to check whether you're ready to hear about what he has to say but you always have the same stoic expression. Then it occurs to him that he has never seen you smile impolitely or out of joy, or even hear your laugh, but maybe after you hear what he's about to say, he'll get to see a different facial expression on you.

"Oh, man! That was painful to watch," he sighs as he keeps looking straight ahead at his reflection in the shiny furnace of the elevator.

There's no one else in the elevator so you're fully aware that he's talking to you but you don't respond until a while later.

There you go, with your judging look and stoic expression, looking at him as you say, "Excuse me?"

Chan doesn't want to sound rude but beating around the bush isn't his thing, he prefers to be straightforward. He knows it's all based on assumptions but he's pretty sure his judgements are pretty accurate.

He's going to just do it and lay out the facts, he turns to the side, then leans his back against the cold surface of the elevator.

"Your shoulder tightens when he called you baby and the fact you lied about the breakfast tells me that you didn't actually like his choice of restaurant," he pauses to let out a cynical chuckle, "the waffles weren't that good, I guess?"

When he wants to see a different facial expression on you, he doesn't mean seeing your angry one, but oh well, the damage has been done.

"Because I'm a good girlfriend that's why I let him choose the restaurant," you become defensive all of a sudden but that's an unconvincing answer.

"No, you let him choose out of pity," he simply remarks, "And just now, your nostrils flared when I pointed it out."

With all of these signs combined with his personal experiences, Chan narrows it out to one conclusion. He looks at you in the eyes and says, "You're about to break up with him, don't you?"

It looks like you've been slapped right on the face except that the slap doesn't come from someone, it's from the truth that comes out of Chan's unfiltered mouth and he instantly regrets it for meddling in in someone else's business.

"I'm sorry, but why are we having this conversation?" You ask, crossing your arms together in front of you.

"It's not like you're any better. You slept around, you're scared of commitment and now, sticking your nose at my business. You are the kind of person that I deeply despise!" You angrily say with your chest heaving.

It seems like you're saying all of those things about him out of anger because he sees right through you but now he knows why you always give him that judging look. He's the one who started it so yeah, okay, maybe he deserves that but that doesn't change the truth. The problem is what he said and your response, they're heading in the opposite direction.

"I think someone has her panties in a twist," Chan coyly responds.

"Look, there's nothing wrong with wanting to break up. That doesn't make you a bad person," he adds and decides to end the talk right there.

It gets quiet in this enclosed space and it's already suffocating as it is but how lucky that he has to patiently wait for the elevator to ride through three more floors to get out of here.

When the elevator finally dings open, Chan lets out a breath he doesn't know he's been holding but he's not the one in a hurry to exit both this space and the situation. He stays where he is and lets you out first.

When he thinks you don't have anything else to say, you stop right outside the elevator and look at him with a piercing gaze.

"Don't, for one second, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties!" You emphasize every word in anger, then storm off.

Know what? Maybe Chan should skip the bowl of cereal and take two aspirin instead. As for you, maybe you need to chill the fuck out.

-

Just because you've been neighbors with Chan for the past three years doesn't mean that you know each other on a personal level.

All you know about him is that he's a DJ which explains why there's always music playing in his apartment, he always wears a sleeveless top to showcase his muscles, and he always has a stupid grin on to show off the stupid dimples on his stupid face, an annoying Australian accent and from how many times you caught different girls taking a walk of shame out of his apartment, it's safe to say that he's the number one fuckboy in the area

So how dare he say all of that stuff in the elevator when he doesn't know anything about you at all? Moreover, what does a fuckboy like him know about relationships?

It shouldn't be hard to ignore because it's something you usually do but gosh, the memory of the conversation still vexed you a few days later.

Then it hits you that it bothers you so much because deep down, you know what he said is true. You've been wanting to break up with your boyfriend and hearing that comes from someone outside that relationship only solidified that thought.

There's nothing wrong with your boyfriend, Lee is nice, too nice even, and when you think about it, maybe that is the problem, he is too nice and that leads you to another problem, you don't know how to break up with him without hurting his feelings.

But you know who can help you with that? Someone who has a lot of experience in breaking up with people.

Oh, what a joy that you find the answer right across your door!

Before you get to ask for his help though, you're fully aware that there's another thing to do and there's no other way to do it but walk up to his apartment, knock on his door, and apologize.

As you're standing there in front of his apartment door, you're dreading it. All sorts of thoughts crossed your head like why did you have to be so riled up that time in the elevator? Why did you have to say that thing about the panties? Just why? Ugh!

Let's just get it over with, you mutter inside your head.

With hesitant hand, you knock on his door and then hold the urge to turn around and run back to your apartment. You let yourself take a step back as you wait for him to come for the door.

Do not open the door, do not open the door, you chant inside your head while tapping your foot against the floor. However, things are not always going the way you want.

The door swings inward and a second later, Chan appears with disheveled hair and he only has one arm in the sleeve of his t-shirt, then you spot a girl's shoes next to his feet.

Oh no, please don't say you're coming at the wrong time.

You reflexively take another step back but he grabs your forearm and then opens the door wider, showing you that there's a girl there.

"It's my neighbor, she's here to remind me about the tenant meeting," he says to her.

The girl looks at you rather suspiciously and crosses her arms together in front of her as she glares at Chan.

"No. Don't you dare try to get out of this, Chris!"

"But it's true. We have to leave now," Chan says, then gives you a look that tells you to lie along with him, "Right?"

Running a quick assessment of the situation, you're certain that Chan is trying to get himself out of it to avoid having a difficult conversation with the beautiful lady. You hate to be the accessory to his crime but if this means that it would help you earn his forgiveness...

"The pigeons!" You make up a lie on the spot.

"The pigeons are ruining our rooftop garden so we held this urgent tenant meeting," you add with what you hope is a convincing smile.

"Oh, those damn pigeons!" Chan heavily sighs with a phony expression.

The lie makes your throat dry and your cheeks hurt from forcing a smile, you have to keep it going as the lady considers whether to believe that the tenant meeting is true or not.

Chan grabs his jacket from the clothes hook and puts it on, "We'll continue this later, okay?" He says to her.

Without waiting for her answer, he gets out of the door and drags you with him to go to your apartment. Once both of you get inside, he immediately closes the door behind him and lets out a long sigh.

"Oh, wow!" He exclaims once he realizes that he's inside your apartment.

He allows himself further inside and leisurely walks around your apartment, checking your kitchen, trailing his fingers on your book collection on the shelf, and observing the potted plants lining up on the window sill.

He walks back to the middle of the room and takes another 360-degree look around the apartment, then nods in approval.

"So, this is what the inside of your apartment looks like," he says in a cryptic tone.

Not sure if he wants you to respond to that or if should respond at all. You choose to remain silent and only respond when his intentions are intelligible.

Chan then sits on the sofa, making himself comfortable, and looks at you, then at what you're holding in both hands.

"Is that for me?"

The jar of cookies you've been unknowingly holding in your hands is a token of apology and it is for him.

"Yes, it is for you," you say, handing it to him with both hands.

"I'm sorry about the other day," you sincerely apologize, but you know you have to let him know what you're apologizing for, "for what I've said to you. I'm terribly sorry."

"Well, since you're helping me with the uh... situation," he coyly says as he scratches his eyebrow, "consider us even."

See? That wasn't so hard. You feel bad for lying to the girl but at least, you've been forgiven.

"Thank you," you add with a smile.

Chan doesn't say anything else but opens the lid and takes a cookie out of the jar. He gets comfortable on the sofa, sitting slumped with his legs spreading wide, and then he takes a big bite of the cookie.

It doesn't take long for him to notice that you have something else to say to him other than an apology.

Before he gets to it, you force yourself to start speaking.

"So, Chris..." you call, then abruptly stop talking. You suddenly have a second thought about asking for his help.

"What's up?" He asks while chewing on his cookie.

It's at the tip of your tongue but your mouth feels like they're sewn shut. You clasp your hands together and muster up the courage to just blurt it out.

"Do you want something to have with the cookies?"

You swear you plan on asking for his help but somehow, your mouth saying a different thing.

"Milk would be nice," he answers.

"Milk. Yes, I have milk," you awkwardly say, slowly making your way to the kitchen like a walking dead.

You take a carton of milk from the fridge and while pouring it into a glass, you're scolding yourself for being so cowardly.

After taking a moment to take a deep breath and muster up the courage to ask, you walk back to the sofa with the glass of milk in hand. With a smile, you hand it to him.

"Thank you," he says, his eyes catching something in your eyes.

You immediately break the eye contact and take another step back, standing and watching him finish his third cookie then wash it down with a sip of milk.

"I hope you don't mind that I'm going to stay here until the girl leaves my apartment," he informs.

"Oh?" You meekly gasp.

"But I can leave if you're uncomfortable," he says as he sits straight on the sofa.

"No, it's fine," you shortly reply, "Take your time."

"Okay, thanks," he says, reclining back on the sofa and continues munching on the cookies.

You can't decide if he stays longer than you expected is a good thing or not. You use the opportunity to reconsider it and walk to the kitchen to get out of his sight.

"Do you need help or not?" You quietly ask yourself as you pour yourself a glass of water.

Why is it so hard? He's right there. All you need is to go and ask for his help.

The water sloshes out of the glass as you fill it too full and you reflexively back away to avoid getting water all over the front of your dress.

"Everything good there?" Chan asks in a slight panic.

That's it! Enough time has passed from overthinking it! You walk up to him and just do it.

"You're right," you blurt out, "I've been wanting to break up with my boyfriend."

Sensing that it turns serious, Chan slows down his chewing and puts away the cookie jar. You expect the I-told-you-so grin on his face but no, he looks saddened instead.

"Things aren't working out," you openly share with a sad sigh.

You take a seat on the ottoman facing the sofa and sadly sigh, "I've been wanting to break up with him for a week now but I just don't know how."

"How long you've been dating each other?"

"Three years," you answer.

"Wow," Chan lowly gasps in awe.

Three years is not a short time, he understands why you hesitate to break up and it isn't an easy decision either.

"I need your help," you hopelessly say, unintentionally becoming vulnerable in front of him.

"My help?"

"Help me how to break up with him," you further explain.

"Of all people, why me?" He asks in utter confusion.

It's hard to answer that without being rude, you decide to let him process the question until it leads him to the answer. After a while, he lets out a dry chuckle and nods, "Okay, yeah. Make sense."

Chan takes another minute to accept the fact that his help is needed because he knows how to break up with someone without feeling awful about it afterward.

"I guess you want to let him down gently?"

"Yes," you answer.

"Well..." he inflates his cheeks then lets the air out through his pursed lips, "You can break up with him through a text."

Which part of 'let him down gently' did he not understand? How is it a good idea to break up through a text? But okay, it's just one suggestion, you give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Who knows he'll come up with better suggestions.

"I'm sorry. No, I can't do that," you kindly refuse his suggestion.

"You can send it when he's sleeping," he adds.

Oh, God! He gives you an even worse suggestion instead of better ones. You know what? This is a bad idea and you regret asking for his help.

"I don't—" You stop yourself from talking and get up from your seat.

"I'll just check if the lady is still..." Your words trail off as you walk towards the door and check through the peephole first, then you get out of the door to check his apartment next.

"Hello? Excuse me?" You shout from the doorway but no one is answering you.

You take it the lady has left and walk back to your apartment to deliver the news to the rightful owner of the apartment.

"She already left," you tell him.

Chan lets out a sigh and closes the cookie jar, he finishes the milk to its last drop and then gets up from the sofa.

"Thank you for the cookies and the milk," he says with his signature grin.

"No worries," you reply, trying so hard to hide the disappointment in your voice.

Chan holds the cookie jar in one arm and takes a step closer to you, "if you need help on how to write breakup texts, I'm just across the hall," he says.

You don't respond to that but keep a smile on for him as to seem polite.

"And good luck!" He says with gentle pats on your shoulder.

The second he walks out the door, you collapse onto the sofa and dread it even more than before. Turns out, asking for his help is not helping at all.

The next day, you meet him as you collect your mail in the lobby and it's hard to ignore him when his mailbox is next to yours.

"G'day!" Chan greets you as he leans the side of his body against the wall while sorting his mail.

"Good day!" You respond and hurriedly walk toward the elevator. You push the button to summon it to the lobby and hope it comes soon enough for you to avoid talking to Chan.

Of course, things don't go as you want it. He comes just in time for the elevator about to arrive, he crumples a few letters in his hand into a ball and then tosses it into the trash bin.

"How did it go?" He asks.

"Pardon?" You nonchalantly respond.

Good thing that the elevator chimes open and you can pretend to forget about what he asked you a while ago. You get inside while clutching your mails in hands in front of you but it's not safe yet as you have to share the elevator ride with him.

"So... the break-up texts? Did you do it?" He asks again, going to the corner of the elevator and leaning his back against it.

"Chris, I think you can't just end a three-year relationship with a text," you put it as nicely as you can.

"Yeah, I reckon," he innocently answers.

It seems like Chan can't tell the difference between what is easy and what is right. It isn't a good idea in the first place to ask for help from someone like him who doesn't consider other people's feelings except his own.

"What are you going to do then?" He asks, shifting his weight on one leg.

Since his help is not helping at all, you have no answer to that yet. This should be something you have to figure out on your own in the first place.

"I'll figure it out," you not-very-convincingly answer.

Chan crosses his arms in front of him, making the muscles and veins on his arms more evident under the fluorescent light of the elevator.

"Lee seems like a nice guy," he remarks with a deep inhale of air.

Well, if you have to compare your boyfriend to Chan, then yes, Lee is a really nice guy. Lee excels in a lot of things, including how to treat a person with feelings.

"Yes," you settle with a simple answer.

"A drawn-out break up is only going to end in a big scene," he says, "Just saying."

Chan has a point. It's worse to prolong the pain for both you and Lee, you can't keep pretending that the relationship works and it's unfair that you keep Lee oblivious about all this.

"We can practice, you know," he offers.

"Practice?"

"On how you're going to break up with him," he explains.

He comes up with a better suggestion this time and is almost endearing even but again, he wouldn't know how a person with real feelings reacts to a break-up which makes you unsure if the practice would be any help.

The elevator is about to arrive anyway so you decide to skip on responding to his offer. Once it chimes, the doors part open and you take the first turn to get out with Chan getting off after you. You turn to the left to your apartment while he turns right. You take the key out of your pocket to unlock the door and push your way in while clutching your mail close to your chest.

"You know where to find me if you need help," Chan says just before you close the door to your apartment.

Hard pass, you answer in your head but you put on a smile for his kind offer, then close the door

-

Okay, you admit it. You were too haste when you said that you didn't need his help. You were doing fine for these past few days, you've been avoiding meeting your boyfriend to give you some more time to think of the best way to break the news to him until he calls you.

The phone rings and you just stare at it, considering whether to pick it up or not. If you pick it up, that means you have to lie to him and if you don't, it'll alert him that things are, in fact, not okay.

The latter seems like a better idea so you pick it up after taking a long, deep breath.

"Hi, baby. Am I calling you at the wrong time?"

Not entirely wrong but it would be nice if he didn't call you, you answer in your head.

"Yeah, sorry, I was in the bathroom," you lie.

"Coconut shrimp for dinner. What do you think?" he asks out of the blue.

"That sounds nice," you easily respond.

"I know you'll like it but, babe, do you mind getting us a bottle of wine on the way?

"I'm sorry?" You ask in confusion.

"For our dinner, remember?" he answers, "I'll cook tonight we'll be having dinner at mine."

You hardly paid attention to him because your mind was always elsewhere, you couldn't remember saying yes to the dinner but you did and it must be out of pity.

"No, of course, I remember, I'm just..." you rake your brain to think of something to say.

"I thought it was next week," you lie again with an awkward chuckle.

"You silly!" Lee says, "Aren't you glad that I called, huh?"

"So glad," you lie, again and again.

"I should start prepping the ingredients so they'll be ready when you get here," he says, his voice exuding enthusiasm.

"Okay."

"Don't forget the wine!"

"I won't."

"I can't wait to see you, baby," he sweetly says.

The lies are piling up so may as well add another one to the pile, "Me too."

"I love you, bye."

Don't think you can lie your answer to that, you gulp air, "Bye," you say to the phone, then quickly hang up.

Desperate times call for desperate measures and you don't know your desperate measure means knocking on your neighbor's door. Probably because you hate to admit that you need his help.

Not long after, Chan opens the door and his head pops out from the gap, "What's up?"

"My boyfriend just called and tonight, we'll be having dinner in his place," you blabber in panic.

It takes a second for him to process it then his face turns a little surprised, "What are we going to do then?" He asks in confusion.

You may be in dread but you catch the error in his question, "We? Now, you got your panties in a twist," you tell him.

"Shame on you!" He responds with a sly grin then opens the door wider and shows himself dressed in nothing but a white towel hanging low around his hips.

He puts one arm against the doorframe and leans close to you as he says, "Cause I'm not wearing any panties right now."

You should have noticed it from his wet hair and the beads of water rolling down his neck, and now that you're seeing the whole of it, your eyes immediately following where the beads of water going, they're going down the outline of his abs and eventually, to where they're all gathered as his pelvic bones leading down to one way: down south.

However, your instinctive reaction goes against what you're actually feeling inside.

"Ugh!" You groan and turn to the side, "Put some clothes on and I'll see you at my place!"

Without waiting for his answer, you rush back to your apartment and close the door behind you as fast as possible, then you rest your back against it.

The images of his naked body flashing through your head, his glistening wet pale skin, and how some parts of his body are blotchy red around the neck and chest. You get flustered all of a sudden, you immediately press the back of your hand to your cheek and you can feel them heating.

"Get it together!" You scold yourself.

After waiting for almost fifteen minutes, Chan finally comes knocking on your door like it's a musical instrument.

"Are you dressed?" You ask with your hand on the doorknob.

"Hardly," he jokes.

You peek through the peephole and see that he's already dressed to what you can say is his usual attire of dark short pants with a matching sleeveless top, showing off his bulging biceps. You open the door to let him in and he coyly walks in, treating your place like it's his own, sitting on your sofa with his legs spreading wide.

"Okay, so, why am I here?"

You stand in front of him with your hands clasped in front of you, "I've been lying to him the whole phone call and honestly, I've been doing it since the moment I decided that I want to break up with him, and I... I don't think I can lie to him again."

It's easy to admit your mistakes to him because he barely knows you and his opinions about you won't matter that much to you.

"I need to do it tonight," you hopelessly say.

"I take it you need my help to practice your break-up speech?"

You hate that he guesses it right but it's also convenient that you don't have to beat around the bush to ask for it. But first, you try to explain the situation as much as possible so he has ideas on what you're facing here.

"Lee is a man of many emotions and I'm not exaggerating when I say he'll likely cry," you inform.

Chan's forehead wrinkles as he processes this piece of information then stifles a nod. It seems like he still has no idea what you want him to do about it.

"I think it's less painful if you acknowledge the dumpee feelings," you blatantly explain.

"Okay, I got you. Let's practice!' He says, sitting up straighter on the sofa and then putting his hands on his knees.

It's just a practice but your anxiety takes over you not just mentally but also physically as your palms get sweaty. You wipe them down your jeans and take a breath.

"Lee," you call him by your boyfriend's name, and even though it's weird that you're roleplaying, you continue, "I want to break up with you."

Chan looks at you and gets quiet for a moment, "Wow. I'm in utter shock and it makes me very sad to hear that," he says with a rather serious tone.

Not the kind of reaction Lee would likely pull off but that will do if you decide to continue with it.

"I'm fully aware that this is so sudden but I've been thinking hard about it for some time and I think this is a decision that I should take," you say and you know it's a practice but you feel something caught in your throat.

"I'm sad and I need time to process it, but I'll be okay," he calmly says.

Chan gets the tone right but you believe breaking up wouldn't be this easy in real life, especially when there are real feelings to protect. To be honest, you're not ready to face the truth that you may hurt those feelings tonight.

"I think that went very well," Chan says, returning to his default settings.

"Yeah, I think that's it," you meekly say.

The worries and sadness are drawn on your face that Chan can easily see through your veiled expression, "If Lee is as nice as you said he is, then you shouldn't worry much," he says.

He waits until your eyes meet his to continue, "He may get surprised or shocked even, but he'll come around and respect your decision."

You can't believe that those words are coming out of his mouth or that he even tries to comfort you, but you appreciate it. Maybe his heart is still there, he just doesn't let it control him most of the time.

He gets up from the sofa and walks up to you, he takes your hands, ignoring how cold and sweaty they feel in his, "You got this," he assures you.

"Thank you, Chris," you sincerely say with a sad smile.

It is time to stop torturing both you and Lee with lies and forcing yourself to believe that the love is still there. It's time to accept the truth that if you can fall in love, you can also fall out of love.

-

It's a surprise that Chan worries about things that aren't his business. He's been playing some music to distract him from his head but he keeps the volume low because he doesn't want to miss hearing the sound of the elevator that will tell him any signs that you're back from the dinner.

Eventually, he tires himself out from worrying and falls asleep on the sofa. He startles always close to midnight after hearing the knocking on his doors.

Half disoriented, he trudges his way to open the door and finds you there, surprisingly, looking nice in a white cotton dress and your eyes dry.

But from the way you let yourself into his apartment, forgetting your impeccable manners and walking with shoulders slumped and carrying your shoes in your hands, he takes it that you did it.

"So... how did it go?" He carefully asks, following you as you're making your way to the sofa and then sitting on it.

You let a heavy sigh and your shoulders slumped even more, "At least, there's no crying," you answer with a sad smile.

Chan is unsure of how to react to that, is that a good thing or a bad thing? He just stands there with his arms crossed on his chest, thinking out loud.

"And even though it was ending... it was incredibly meaningful to me and I'm going to miss him," you say with your lips trembling.

Oh, no, Chan knows when a girl is about to cry, he quickly finds a remedy to it, one that he knows always works wonders for him. He runs to the kitchen and brings a bottle out of his alcohol stash, then hands it to you.

"Let's have a drink!" He says, realizing that he forgot the glass.

"Wait another second, I'll get the glass," he says, sprinting to retrieve two glasses from his kitchen cabinet.

When he returns, he sees that you're chugging the alcohol straight from the bottle. You gasp and then wince from the bitter aftertaste of it.

"Okay, straight from the bottle it is," he says, popping onto the sofa next to you.

You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and then hand the bottle to him in which he wastes not another second to take a sip of it.

"The thing is... I really care about him but he wanted to get married, and I'm just not ready for that," you share with your eyes blank and looking at the void.

You take a deep breath but it seems like it only sends your heart sinking deeper and deeper, and making it harder for you to breathe.

"And if I'm not ready with a guy as great as him then what if I'm never ready?" You say, turning your head his way with your eyes glassy, pooling with tears.

"What if that was it..." you lift your shoulders then drop them as you let out a low sigh, "my one chance at love?"

The tears start streaming down your face like a bursting dam and Chan knows he can't do anything about it but let them out.

Hearing your words makes him think about what his idea of love is. He used to think that it was something he could get whenever he wanted it but now he knows that he's wrong, because that's just a short-lived infatuation, just some sort of meaningless connection.

From you, he learns that love is a privilege that not everyone can experience.

"What if I never get a second chance?" You ask him the question that he doesn't know the answer to.

"I don't know. I'm just sad," your voice cracks, then you break into tears.

Chan is quick to catch you into his arms and offers you his embrace. He knows he can't do anything about this sadness but he can try to soothe the pain, he's placing gentle rubs on your back as you cry into his chest.

The cry is resounding in this space, echoing the sadness back to you and it makes him inexplicably sad too, and he gets the urge to make it stop.

"It's going to be alright," he murmurs at the top of your head.

You look up with your eyes wet and red with tears caught in your lashes, "Is it?" You croak.

He doesn't know when but he knows for sure that time heals everything.

"It will be," he answers with a gentle caress of his knuckle on your wet cheek, "eventually."

Your eyes tell some more assurance for him and he doesn't know what drives him to do it, but he leans in, then kisses you.

To his surprise, you kiss him back and he knows you're doing it because you seek his comfort and he wants to give you exactly that. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, giving you that closeness you seek. He kisses you ever so softly because he knows he's kissing a broken heart and he wants to mend it. He can taste your sadness and the bitterness of it, and also the relief underlying all of it. As he kisses you, he lets his heart open just enough to take some of that sadness away from yours.

As the kiss deepens, the sadness withers, and something else emerges. Chan loses in it for a bit until he realizes what you're trying to do with your hand that reaches for the front of his jeans.

He abruptly detaches his lips from yours and shakes his head, "No, we can't do this," he says.

As much as he fancies you enough to have sex with you, he knows better not to do it when you're not in your right mind and your judgments are clouded with sadness. The last thing he wants is you waking up in the morning full of regrets.

"I want this, Chris," you croak.

"No, we can't," he adamantly says and takes your hand away from him.

"You're sad. You do want this," he says in an effort to put some sense into you.

You roughly crumple the front of his t-shirt and pull him close, "I want– No, I need this, Chris," you say to him with your eyes dark like two bottomless pits.

"Please?" You plead as a tear rolls down from the corner of your eye.

This is the most hopeless he ever heard of you and it breaks his heart. You said it yourself, you need this and he knows what you mean by that. You need the distraction, you need him to take this pain away even just for a fleeting moment, moreover, he can't break what's already broken.

He takes your hand off of his clothes and puts it in his, he leans in until his forehead is pressed against yours.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks once again.

"Yes," you answer without a beat.

That's all Chan needed to hear, he inhales air and puts an inch between your faces. He then tenderly holds your face with both hands and looks at you, unsure where to start but maybe, he can start by making those tears coming out of your eyes.

Chan dabs the tears pooling in the corner of your eyes with his knuckle and without the slightest of hesitancy, he places a gentle kiss on each of your closed eyelids and before you can open them, he captures your lips in a kiss.

Sex is not something new to him but Chan knows that this time is not about physical fulfillment, but a way to offer comfort and hopefully, to also mend your broken heart.

He takes his time to strip away every piece of clothing on you until you're bare, lying on the bed with nothing but sadness that fills your heart.

He touches you with utmost gentleness, using just his fingertips to feel the softness of your skin and you're so pliant, sensitive to his touch.

To make it fair, Chan takes his clothes off as well before joining you on the bed, caging you in between his arms and hovering only inches away above you.

"Touch me," he says to you, taking your hand and placing it on his shoulder.

He then glides your hand down his neck and chest, he makes you feel every inch of his pale skin with him. However, when he looks at you, your eyes remain on his.

"You feel so warm, Chris," you lowly mutter.

He brings your hand close to his mouth and kisses it, then crashes his lips on yours.

The gap between your bodies becomes non-existent as you keep pulling him close, he relents by lowering himself on top of you and props an elbow against the mattress to not put his whole weight on you.

Lips locked, hands around each other, bodies pressed together and the temperature keeps on rising in the room. Chan makes you feel every part of his lips brushing and gliding over yours. He skillfully parts your mouth open with his tongue so he can kiss you deep and hard, yet slow until you run out of breath.

At the same time, his hand makes its way down until his fingers land on your delicate flesh. He touches it tenderly, running his fingers between the folds, and drags them upward to rub on your bundle of nerves.

"Ah..." you moan against his lips as you curve your hand around his neck and pull him incredibly closer.

Judging from it, he knows he's doing it right and he should continue, he applies gentle pressures on your clit, making you drenched and that way, he can slowly put a digit inside of you.

You let go of his kiss to let out a moan and your head falls onto the pillow as he puts another digit into you, two fingers pumping in and out of you.

Chan intently watches as your face contorted along to the pleasure, how your jaws slack open and breathless moans keep spilling out of your parted mouth.

The way you clench around his fingers makes him impatient to feel you and how tight you feel around him, and the noises you make oh, they're his new favorite tune that he wants to keep listening to until his eardrums burst.

He glances down as he pulls his fingers out of you and finds them thickly coated with your essence, it doesn't stop him from shoving them into his mouth and lick them clean.

Chan holds you by the chin to keep you still as he kisses you, "Give me a second to get a condom, yeah?" He says to you and you nod in answer.

He makes his to the bathroom and pulls the drawer open to take a condom. To save time, he decides to put it on right away, he tears through the foil packet with his teeth and rolls the rubber down his hard length.

On the way out, he catches his reflection in the mirror and gets reminded that this is not about him. Tonight, it's all about you.

He returns to the bedroom, finding you still lying in bed naked and hugging yourself. He climbs onto the bed and lowers himself on you, letting you absorb his body heat to warm you.

Craving for another taste of it, he goes down and plants his mouth on your cunt next, tasting you right on his tongue.

You're squirming as his tongue laps over your wetness, drinking in on your essence and then using it to circle on your clit.

He's not the only one getting impatient and asking more of it, you both want it and there's no wasting time anymore. Just before he takes it to the next part, he places a long, tender kiss on your clit and immediately brings his mouth to yours again so you can taste yourself on him.

"I'm going in, mmh?" He says as he endearingly brushes your hair away from your face.

You hold on to his shoulder as he settles himself between your legs, aligning his cock with your entrance but before that, he rubs his length between your folds, lubricating it with your essence.

Your hands fly to your chest, hugging yourself again as you lowly moan to his hard length rubbing over your clit and then, pushing its way into you.

"Goodness fu—" he can't even finish his sentence without breaking into a satisfied groan.

It's just the tip but he can already feel how tight you are around him, he's scared yet excited to push more of him into you. He reorganizes his breathing and rests his hand on your abdomen to do it.

Chan looks down to check and he still has a little more of him that needs to be inside you, he sharply inhales air through his nostrils and pushes the remaining length in one quick push.

"Oh..." you breathlessly moan as you're squeezing on your breasts.

Chan allows himself to take a moment to adjust himself to being inside you and you seem to also need time to adjust to his size because you feel so incredibly tight around him. It makes him wonder how this little thing can take him so well.

He takes your hands away from your chest and puts them around his shoulders, that way he can put his body on top of you, lips locked with yours again in no time as you wrap your legs around his waist, sending him deeper inside you.

As he takes a breath in between kisses, you hold his face and look at him with a different kind of sadness in your eyes which only reminds him that his initial plan is to make it go away.

He starts thrusting into you, wanting to fuck this sadness out of you. He wants to make you think of nothing but how his cock fills you full and how good he is fucking you right now, and soon, he's going to make you feel nothing but immense pleasure.

"Ah... ah... ah..." you moan for every thrust going into you and the skin-slapping sounds echo along with it in the room.

Chan plants his mouth on your breasts to contain his grunts and groans while keeping the steady motion of his hips pulsating against you.

A hand reaches for his chin and forces him to look at you, instantly engaged in eye contact with you. He continues thrusting into you with eyes looking deep into you, they're no longer looking like bottomless pits, they look like deep oases that he wants to dive into.

The next thing he knows, Chan finds himself deep in you, not just physically but also connected with you in a way that he's never experienced with anyone else until now. He feels barer than he already is and instead of shutting himself off, he embraces it and lets you in.

Soon enough, he finds himself lost in it and fully connects himself to you in a way that lets him know how it feels to love without fears or insecurities holding him back, without worrying if it's being reciprocated or not, to love wholly and completely.

"Oh," you let out a broken moan and that's when he notices that you break into tears again.

Chan abruptly stops moving, afraid that something he does is hurting you without realizing it.

"No, keep going, keep going," you tell him with your voice hoarse.

He needs to make sure to continue, he cups your jaw and asks, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, please, keep going, please," You repeatedly nod and plead with your teary eyes.

He wants you to stop crying, he wants you to stop thinking about what hurts you and start to see him as he tries to take this pain away from you. His body picks up the pace, going impossibly fast and also taking himself close to his high.

Your eyes are screwed shut, your breath is ragged and your hands are gripping onto his shoulders, overwhelmed by the pleasure that he brought on you.

The moment he's sure that you already come to your climax, he allows himself to let go and uses all of his strength to give you a few more thrusts until there's nothing left in him but waves of pleasure that wash over him.

"Chris..." you softly call and then pull him for a chaste kiss on his lips, "Thank you."

Chan's face hovers only inches above you as he softly gazes into your eyes, you look so fragile and open like a wound and he's just glad that he can make your heartache gone even just for a while.

"Shh..." he stops you from talking by running his thumb over your lips and then kisses you with his heart wide open. He lets this beautiful feeling pour out of him and into you.

"No, thank you," he mutters his gratitude between kisses.

Thanks to you, he experiences something he's never felt before with someone else, something new, something pure and real, something that feels a lot like love.

When he wakes up in the morning and finds you're not there, it hits him that maybe it is love but Chan is not ready to admit it yet.

-

A week passes and Chan hasn't seen you ever since that night.

He can't tell if you're avoiding him or needing the space and time to piece yourself back from the break-up, he hopes it's the latter. Gosh! Let him be right.

Regardless of what happened, he can live with the fact that you despise him but it would be sad to know if you choose to go down the path of believing that you're not going to find love again.

Chan just needs to know if you're doing okay, that's what matters for now.

Fortunately, the two of you have been neighbors for quite a long time to learn your routine and knockabouts. He knows what you like to do on a Saturday morning, he goes to the lobby and chats with the concierge as he waits.

At the first sight of you entering the apartment building, his heart palpation, and in all honesty, he's just so happy to finally see you after a while.

Are you not seeing him there? Or you're just pretending which only confirms his initial thought that you've been, in fact, avoiding him.

You're walking through the lobby carrying a bag of groceries in your arm, you skip checking on the mailbox and go straight to the elevator. It just happens that the elevator is vacant and the doors slide open after you push the button.

Chan decides to take the risk, sprinting to get into the elevator before the doors close. You already despise him so a little more hate shouldn't be a problem to him.

"Morning, sunshine," He greets you with his dimpled grin.

"Good morning," you politely reply without looking at him.

Things are going back to normal and he should be glad, right? At least, you're back to your usual settings of looking stoic and acting polite, and the best thing about it is you're still talking to him.

"I should learn to avoid people from you. You're good at it," he pushes it a bit just to see if he can crack through this facade.

"Excuse me?" Your head turns his way and with your eyes widen, "I have not been avoiding anyone."

Chan holds the urge to smile for successfully getting your attention and rests his back against the cold, metal furnace of the elevator, "Are you sure?"

"Well, we're seeing each other now," you tell him.

"That's because I know you like to go to the farmer's market every Saturday morning," he says at the same time, admitting that he knows about your routine.

You slowly turn your body facing him and squint your eyes at him, "You've been keeping tabs on me?"

"It's my favorite pastime activity," he shamelessly answers then pokes his cheek with his tongue.

"It's better than watching porn," he playfully adds, something that he knows will annoy you the right way.

"Ugh!" You groan as you look straight ahead.

Oddly enough, that's what he misses the most about it, interacting with you and seeing your reaction to his antics, but you, especially.

"Don't be so uptight," he coyly says.

He takes a step closer to you and puts his hand on the handlebar, "it's not like we haven't slept together or anything."

You let out a scoff and hoist the strap of your grocery bag higher on your shoulder, "I'm shocked you even remember," you say.

You turn your head next and your eyes immediately lock in a gaze with him, "I figure I'm just a low notch on a very long bedpost," you add.

"Are you calling me a man whore?" Chan says, feeling offended.

You take a step closer to him and daringly stare back into his eyes, "I didn't call you a man," you answer with a sly smirk.

There's a few seconds of silence until Chan realizes what you just said to him but you know what? He's going to give it to you, for now.

He looks at you and smiles, "Touche!"

You both look at each other and at the same time, burst into laughter, and it keeps going until the hilarity subsides with each passing second.

Is this real? Did you just poke fun at him with a beautiful smile on your face? Did you really laugh and the sound of not only echoing in this enclosed space but also in the back of his mind? Did he just see a different facial expression on you? Either way, he likes it and he likes how it makes him feel.

The elevator chimes open and soon, the doors part open. He lets you get off first and then takes his turn after, he gets a little disappointed as you both are going in the opposite direction.

"Hey, Chris," you call as he's only a couple of steps away from the door of his apartment.

His heart palpation again but he keeps his calm and then slowly, turns on his feet to face you, "Yes?"

"I'm cooking curry for dinner and I know it'll be not as good as the one you always ordered but you can come and..." your hand is fiddling with the strap of your grocery bag as you speak but your eyes remain steady on him, "see if it suits your taste."

And did you just invite him for dinner? Him, the neighbor you despise so much?

Chan acts coy and scratches the back of his head, he holds the urge to answer right away. He has a reputation to uphold and he reckons, you have to at least wait a minute for his answer.

"Yeah, okay, let's see," he nonchalantly answers but his smile tells otherwise.

You crack a laugh and nod, walking to your door with the keys jangling as you're unlocking it.

Chan thinks that's the end of it until you call his name again, his heart leaps this time and he almost flies his way to you.

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you what are we," you say with a smile then get inside of your apartment.

That's funny because, after that night, he was hoping that you would ask him that as most girls do but that's where he is wrong, you're not most girls, you are his neighbor whom Chan is secretly in love with.

-

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[fluffyf0x]

HIII omg im so excited, can i have Spanish latte and make it with laughs and giggles 🫶🏻🫶🏻 i’ll have it in post time skip with my name as suna rintarou 🩰🩰

ORDER UP!! One spanish latte for Suna rintaro!

Spanish Latte: Falling in love

Event Masterlist

Trophy

Now playing: OMG by Newjeans

Oh my, oh my god, ~~ I was really hoping that he will come through

●○●○●○●○

Suna Rintaro knew he was falling in love. However, he tried his best to be subtle about it.

You on the other hand, knew about it. Because Suna Rintaro is the last man to be subtle about his feelings. He can't do it, even if his life depended on it.

Rintaro was the type of man to be tripping on stones every time he sees you. His ears red and his heart beating as he would listen to your voice. Squeal and kick his feet whenever you messaged. He would stutter and and mess up his words. Whenever he'd try to impress you, he fail miserably

He was embarrassing himself so much in front of you. It was almost...cute.

The best example was when Rintaro was at a game.

"I'll win this match for you" Rintaro said to you. You choked at his words. The popcorn you just ate stuck at your throat. Rintaro panicked and handed you a bottle.

"You okay?" You nodded in response. Taking the bottle from him and drinking from it. You smiled awkwardly at him.

"You're gonna win the match- for me?" You asked. He smiled and nodded.

"Yup, all for you. You're going home in a trophy that I won for you"

Suna Rintaro lost that match.

The two of you sat by the stairs. The man was sulking. He groaned, burying his face in his hands. You patted his back in an attempt to comfort him. You weren't sure what to say to him. You knew he really wanted to win that match. Talking about it nonstop. Day until night. You didn't hear the end of it.

"I'm a failure and embrassment to society"

"No you're not" You say quickly. You refuse to let Rintaro feel that way. He lifted his head to look at you as he pouted. You smiled, resisting the urge to not laugh at how adorable he looked right now.

"You think so? Because I- I literally said I would win the match and now I- Oh god this is so embarassing" He groaned and hid his face again. His ears turning bright red. You smiled and sighed. What were you gonna do with him?

"Are you upset because you said you wanted to win this for me?" You asked. He nodded.

"You know I'd still love you either way right? Its not like winning or losing defines you as a person"

Rintaro has never whipped his head up faster than when you uttered those words.

You paused. Not noticing that you literally confessed to him. So, you went with another plan. Acting innocent and pretending you literally did no just say anything.

"What did you just say?" He asked, grabbing your shoulder. You knew he wanted confirmation on what he just heard.

"Winning and losing doesnt define you as a person?"

"No before that"

"You aren't an embarassment to society?"

"No after that"

"I asked if you were upset because you wanted to win the match for me"

"No AFTER THAT"

"Winning and losing doesnt define you as a person!"

"Y/N YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT"

You gave in and laughed. His face scrunched into a look of both disgust and dumbfoundedness.

"You confessed right? I didnt hear it wrong?" Rintaro asked once again, he looked serious. Upon taking a deep breath, smiled awkwardly and nodded.

"Oddly enough, I guess I did"

Rintaro beamed like the sun. It was the first time you saw him this happy. Genuine, happiness.

"I guess I'm not going home with that trophy, but Im still winning in life"

Tysm anon for participating in this event!! I enjoy writing Suna sm. He's a fun character to write. His personality really fits the theme too, hehe.

[thepenguinweeb]

RAHHHHHHH I have cometh to satiate your desire for writing–I was thinking Of a Yandere Sung Jinwoo x m!reader.Like the reader looks androgynous and graceful (like y'know those people that wear those corsets,the white dress shirt ,tight black pants and cunty boots and the addition of those metal claw(long nailed???)gloves thingie oh my god am gonna explode-yup that's the reader) also the reader is not human he's an artificial being made by one of the rulers as an overseer on earth–so he helped Jinwoo secretly by somehow tampering with the system to ensure better rewards and protection and guidance(idk how he'd do that but he can as he is a higher being). So after Jinwoo becomes the Shadow monarch he'll become aware of the reader's help and boy he is set on tracking him down and just keeping him for himself to cherish and protect just like how the reader did for him when he was weak. (I just KNOW Jinwoo would be protective and possessive for his pretty boy :3)

Anyways here have my Jinwoo brainrot hopefully it's not too bothersome I just can't stop thinking about the silly bastard (affectionate)😺

`` Favours for favours. ``

[ ☆ Yandere!jinwoo x m!reader ]

[ ☆ You were created to be an overseer on Earth, and so far your life has been quite boring and monotone. Then you met Jinwoo, and your sole purpose became protecting him. But after he became one of the strongest on Earth and found out about your help, he was set on keeping you all to himself. ]

[ ☆ Requested by: anon!! ]

You're not human. You never were. You were created to serve one sole purpose, and that was to be an overseer on Earth, nothing more, nothing less.

Life was boring. Dull. Monotone. You'd come to think it was your fault by the end - thinking you were emotionless, incapable of feeling anything.

Then you met Jinwoo. Well, not really met, but you got to know him trough his many failures. You watched as the man, supposedly the weakest hunter, went raid after raid, always getting out of it bleeding and torn.

So, after the accident happened, you decided to help him out. Surely tampering a tiny bit with the system wouldn't hurt anyone?

And so you did. Whenever Jinwoo was in a bad situation, you ensured he was protected by any means. If he was low on items, you gave him as many rewards as he needed each time he completed a little quest. All while he was unaware of it all.

Things changed when he became the Shadow Monarch. He had come to realize someone had been helping him since the beginning, and after he found out it was you, his goal became to track you down and keep you all to himself, so that nobody could ever hurt you.

He found out where you lived shortly after. That's how he found himself knocking on your door, desperate to see you and get to know you real close.

Once you opened the door, he could see the utter surprise on your face. But he had to admit, he was slightly taken aback, too.. he didn't expect your style to be like that, but it didn't matter to him, as long as it was you.

"How.." you began, your voice uncharacteristically quiet. But your words trailed off when Jinwoo put his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug.

"Don't worry," he said in a hushed voice. "You'll be safe with me. I promise you, nobody will ever hurt you as long as you stay with me. I'll protect you, no matter what."

Before you could ask any questions, his grip tightened and he rested his head on your shoulder with a soft sigh. "I must repay you for your help."

"Oh, you don't need to, really-"

"Let me rephrase.." he cut you off, his voice taking on a more serious tone. "I will repay you for your help."

He smiled at the silence that followed and finally pulled away from you.

"Come now," he said, putting his hand against your cheek gently. "I'm taking you home."

A/N: Omg I'm sorry for the wait, anon! It took some time, but I finally finished this request :) I'm actually not that big a fan of how this one turned out, but oh well..

Dividers by @/rookthornesartistry, ty! <3

[hummingbird-games]

2023 In Review (Indie Games)

Last year's! | 2021

I apologize in advance for how long this might be. As a reminder, I don't bash games here so even if I hated something with every fiber of my being...I ain't sharing. As a second reminder, my more in depth reviews and live blogging has moved to Gem's Game Gems so I don't clutter the HBG's main blog. Okay. ON WITH THE REVIEW!!

DEMOS

Diffraction (Demo)- A rainy day otome indeed. I love the quiet gentleness of this game, the two romance options, and the fact that our MC is a photographer and struggling with her art and stack of life "failures" (because...SAME!!)

Alaris - I was asleep and now I am awake: I came late for the advertised fae and dragon lore, stayed seated and waiting for Fenir zjgjdf. Oh, and I guess the mystery surrounding our MC's abilities LOL.

The Summit Library - When I say I was maaaaaad when I realized I blew through chapter 1 and would have to go back to waiting for more content??? LOL, I was very miffed. Anyhoo, check out this title for the gorgeous art, another intriguing mystery (like what is *up* with the magic in the poor library?? who or what is to blame?? 👀) and of course the lovely characters we've been introduced to thus far.

Of Sense and Soul - I'm a regency romance girl. Like after you strip away the other stuff, I am but a poor woman with simple needs: a good ass love story 🤧💛 It's about the yearning and the slow burn and the will they/won't they/PLEASEEE they...I've never been so charmed by a demo, and the full game is going to be amazing I just know it!

Made Marion - This project is a game I've been keeping tabs on for a hot minute but hadn't taken the time to sit and properly enjoy the demo. I'M SO GLAD I DID!!! It's in early access now, so I'm hoping eventually I'll be able to carve out some time to play, but guysss Velvet Cupcake is doing the Thing?!? No idea which love interest I'll go for first, but I had a fun time meeting the Nottingham peeps in the demo.

Herotome (Super Demo) - Oh gosh. Oh gosh oh gosh oh my GOSHHH. Where do I even began?? (Really the question is where the hell do I end because this is one of those projects I talk about a lot/think about a lot and surprisingly haven't run out of things to say zkjfksjd). Another game I've been following for a while, it 100% lives up to the superhero genre in its aesthetic, the characters you interact with, the music and sound design, and of course the slowly unfurling story. Jade and Mia had come out as my top faves, Warden is still there, like hovering in the backgroud, shhhh but I have a special place in my heart for Griffin too (that conversation we have with her?? I have so many screenshots just so I can go back and reread and sear the words in my brain. Like a weirdo. Yup.)

Celestial Crowns - Stats building, celestial royalty, dating sim where you fuck around and find out your choices directly affect your MC's personality?? I'm sat. I supported the Kickstarter and now I try to practice patience for the full game's release siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighh.

OTOME/JOSEI JAM

Please note this is a SUPER abridged list for my sanity and I fell a little more in love with these 2 jams with each entry I played...

Intertwine - As embarrassing as it sounds, I've never given much thought to the "red string" thing, and I consume more than enough romance media LOL!! But Van is suuuuuch a beautiful man, the UI for this game is so interactive and lovely, the music is ALSO lovely, just lovely-love all the way around teehee. (Also this game encourages replayabillity so like, do with that info what you will.)

Spring Boy [Demo] - I believe this game is going through a complete rehaul, so my thoughts and feelings refer to the original jam entry I played. The art is bright and cute and it's a super super short demo, but I was intrigued by the other student we meet on our mission to plead with our professor about our bombed exam lol!

Assignment Due: Project Blue - IRl group projects??? Suck absolute ass. Group projects with a guy name Asher?? Suddenly it's my new favorite thing in the world 😁

Cryptid Campaign Manager [DEMO] - Remember the last time I looked over a cryptid dating sim??? Remember how I was SUCH a fool?? Good thing I didn't make that mistake again!! The prologue is such a tease but you get an idea of what the full game is gonna be like, and I'm excited to see where my career involving love (and politics) goes!

Heart Cage [Demo] - Yoooooo I stay my ass far far far away from yanderes (could never get into the trope or the character type). WELP. Guess I just needed to keep searching because I really downloaded this off a whim--well, the whim being one of my fellow dev peers playing and rating-- and proceeded to get sucked in 🤧I thought being a detective would be the highlight, but I guuuueeesssss I was more into the romance options than I thought. Oops.

Evernight - I tried to explain what this game meant to me on the side blog, but words failed me. I still don't know what to say other than I loved it?? Which is like ummm I say I love everything, and yeah I'm easy to please BUT Y'ALLLLLL if you play no other game, play this one. Please. Date a werewolf. Or a vampire. Or a fae. Plz. Also figuring out the mystery of your MC's abilities and past is just delightful, ugh.

Bright Oak (demo) - Anotha one I wrote about on the side blog!!! Play this one!!! The writing is lush and atmospheric and the characters are all delightful and it's another game with a mystery to untangle!

The Faithfulness of the Universe- This one gets the award for most unique all around entry that I played. Theeeeee prettiest pixel art to bless my eyeballs, and this tasty mystery concerning Fate and witch Faustina's future (or lack thereof 👀) and what it all means. As a player I very much want to know what it all means!

A Cup For All Seasons - Another game that needs its flowers y'all. It's short but super healing and super cozy and the voice acting and music really tie the gaming experience together???

The Working Woman's Guide to Burning Bridges - DEMO - It's the way I played the demo twice and I've been thinking about it ever since 😭😭😭🙃 obviously life happens and things come up, plus this was a demo. But. BUT!!! I am on my hands and knees prayinnggg the team gets together again to finish the game. I love playing as a stressed, lowkey bitter hot mess who doesn't have her life together 😂somehow the fictional version is soooo much more entertaining!!!

Keyframes (Spring Demo) - After the game College Craze, this is legit THE college, slice of life visual novel of my dreams. I cannot wait for the updated demo next year, and the Kickstarter whenever that rolls around. And now that the developer is on Tumblr, I've definitely been stalking the account and reading each new post like it's my day/night/weekend job 🤧

Hello Counsel 💋 - Okay I take it back, Evernight is like a 20/10 but Hello Counsel is like an 100/10 👁️👄👁️ This game is necessary for my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, alright? The banter ✅ the character designs ✅ the music ✅ the sizzling chemistry between Poise and Salem ✅ I wish this game had more buzz because IT'S SO GOOD!!! (also the dev, Miseri, is who I wanna be when I grow up. I've made it through almost their whole backlog of games and there are no misses and EVERY game is different from the rest and it makes it hard for a toodler dev--ME--to cope LOL)

Candied Hearts - Isekaied into a candy themed game?? Sign me TF UP!!! (Peppermint I love you dearly, you must understand.)

Fully Released & Played (at least 1 playthrough)

The Knight's Dilemma - I don't even know how I originally stumbled upon this??? I just know it had been in my backlog for a hot minute and I was intrigued enough to save it way back when. Y'ALL WHY DIDN'T I PLAY SOONER SKJFHFJFH! There's a couple different endings, I loved the voice direction, AND it's such a simple concept of a game that was just executed beautifully.

Trouble Comes Twice - If I had to make a top 5 list of romance VNs, guess who makes the list?? Guess. Guess guess guess. Have you guessed yet??? LOL! I have been in love with TCT since it's development days and with each passing month, waiting in anticipation, playing the Pateron beta builds, screaming on the main blog about every single thought I had about Jace and Hazel (shoutout to Jace for helping me figure out *me*) Lol if you're curious about said thoughts, those posts are on this blog and not the side blog.

Aelfric the Wondrous - 10/10 would love to forget my first play through JUST to have that experience fresh again 😭😭💛Cute and funny and a wonderful parody type game all around.

A Summer's End - Hong Kong 1986 - Goodness, there's no excuse for why this took me years to finish but anyhoo, I finished, I loved it, I recommend it! It's romantic and achingly authentic and the art is soooo gorgeous I literally can't stand it 😭

The Things You Do For Love - Unhinged yandere manages to entertain and garner sympathy and laughter from Gemini. And that poly ending is chef's kiss too????

Band Camp Boyfriend - There are a handful of games I found and loved before I began my game development journey, and this is one of them. BCB is so dear to me, because of the story and characters but also because of the Dynamic Duo creators and their team behind the scenes. I was never a band kid I was a chorus kid but just as the band geeks loved this game to pieces, us normal folks do too!! Even the boys who I didn't like I STILL managed to find joy in playing their routes (still have a few more to finish at the time of this posting lol, GOTTA GET THE FINAL ROUTE YO). Anyway, this game more than delivered for me and I hope more people keep discovering it!!

Belle Automata: Chronicle I [RELEASED] - While only Chronicle 1 is out at the time of this posting, I already know that the 2nd and 3rd parts are going to be just as amazing???? I wrote about this one on the side blog, so here's my copypaste that still rings true:  

I love TNP (The Nightmare Prince) but Victor’s route hit the sweet spot for me. Maybe it’s the slow(er) burn nature of this route, maybe it’s the reserved nature of Victor and watching him slowly start to care (AND NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE FEELINGS TEEHEE) for me.

A Date with Death - I wrote about this on the side blog--again--. The demo. And then right after finishing a route. And then again where I was fully awake and still managed to sound deranged. No copypaste for that, I shall be nice. But yeah!! Another game where I was screaming at the sky about how much I love it and how I'll never know peace as long as I live.

Our Life: Baxter DLC - I need to offer an official apology to both Cove and Derek because falling head over heels, down the stairs, crashing into the parking lot, falling again but down a manhole for Baxter's infuriating ass was NOT on my 2023 bingo board??? HELLO???? I bought his DLC just to complete my OL collection. Was not expecting to love it this much. Was not expecting to be called to write fanfic and abandon all responsibilities to do this. WHILE DOWN WITH COVID TOO. Allow me to play the song of my people. *Send in the Clowns plays*

Our Cinderella - (this is so funny I'm taking about a side game before the main game LOLOLOLOL) Guys. Guysss. You guyyyysss 🥹if you're looking for a cozy, hilarious, equally oddly and wonderfully sweet short game, this is the one!! You may have your personal favorite Iggy ship (like me) but all the pairings are so amazing and just make sense lol!

Wylde Flowers - This is the only non visual novel game on here but it gets the spotlight because I did NOT spend 90+ hours on this game to gatekeep this beauty. No. It the coziest, the funniest, the funnest, the most addictive Switch game (after Teacup) I've ever played.

Fully Released (& still on 1st playthrough)

Garden of Seif: Chronicles of an Assassin - Life kicked my butt and then sat on me SO while I finally got my grubby hands on the full copy, I still have only played the entirety of the demo. But. We will return to this in 2024 and hopefully I'll have a full review for the next wrap up!

Our Wonderland - I looked back at the side blog and I can't believe it was only THIS year that I started OW??? Because I'd known of the game and the dev for longer than that??? So basically what I'm saying is that I was chicken shit for longer than I've been in love with this world that Developer Carrot has created kjzhhshggj. But OMG to get me, who is scared oh so easily to get hella invested in this clearly labeled horror game??????????????? And even with shit gets super absurd and hella disturbing, I cannot stop playing. At the time of this post, I'm only in Act 4, hence the category above, but it's only because I play each act in a sitting and lose track of space and time and myself. That's a compliment btw.

...

Okie!! That's 2023 in a nutshell! I played a looooot of really good games this year and while I would have liked to talk about them all, I think this list provides a nice overview.

Let me know if we share any favorites!

- Gemini 💛

[celaenaeiln]

what do you think about the theory that the dumbification of steph and dick is (occasionally) rooted in ableism?

ok I don't know much about this theory but in the end I don't think the dumbification of these characters have anything to do with ableism. If they were written dumb, it was written that way on purpose as a stand alone.

So let's start with Steph.

There's this overall impression that Stephanie is the dumbest of the bat group and that's really not fair for three reasons. 1 - Her character was handled poorly in the batgirl comic, 2 - Stephanie's debut isn't hers, and 3 - she's unique from the rest.

1 - Her character was handled poorly.

What I mean by this is in her Batgirl comic, the intention of her writer was to purposefully make her dumb.

The very first page, her introduction as Batgirl is this -

Batgirl (2009) Issue #1

Her very opening is Dick noticing she's not as good as Cass through her skill level and then Stephanie being like "Yup! That's me! I'm a nobody and can't do anything!" That's her introduction. And throughout the rest of the comic, she'll just continue putting herself down as someone who isn't capable or exceptional. This is exactly how Roy acts in Red Hood and the Outlaws. He puts himself down, is ashamed and disgusted by himself, and thinks of himself as a failure which is a HUGE mischaracterization by Scott Lobdell because he wanted to boost Jason's character by putting down Roy's. Which is exactly what's happening here. The authors are trying to boost Barbara and somewhat Cassandra's skillset by putting down Stehanie and making it out like she's some kind of massive failure and Barbara is her saving grace without whom she would be pathetic and die a second time.

2 - Stephanie's Batgirl comic wasn't written for her, it was written for Barbara.

The entire time of Steph's defining "who am I and what can I do?" comic that every single character goes through is just a cover up to talk about how good at her work Barbara is. Instead of getting to see the ingenuity, the determination, and the skills Stephanie learned on her own, under Batman, and from her death, the entire time it's just Barbara dictating Stephanie's actions which further leads to the dumbification of her character because the comic begins with Barbara talking about how pathetic and dumb stephanie is-

Batgirl (2009) Issue #2

And it continues with her being in charge the whole time, Stephanie learning nothing, never acting independently, and always being under Barbara's shadow.

Batgirl (2009) Issue #3

So from the beginning to the end, what has changed? How has Steph grown as a person and skill-wise? She's done nothing.

They did Steph so dirty in this comic -

Batgirl (2009) Issue #4

You're telling me someone who was grappling before they even met Batman is fumbling over a safe save??? This comic feels like a Tom Taylorized version of Batgirl.

And this is what happens when they have her act independently, without Barbara's orders -

Batgirl (2009) Issue #5

They refuse to let her even be good at school

Batgirl (2009) Issue #15

And even the one case she does get to solve near the end without Barbara's interference, they only let her do it with the help of another female senior vigilante.

But mainly the dumbification of Stephanie comes from making Barbara look good. And people can say, "She's older, she knows better which is why she's in charge" but I counter with Tim and Bruce's dynamic or Dick and Bruce or Tim and Dick. Just because a partner is younger doesn't mean they're incapable. Writing Stephanie this way was a choice and since this was supposed to be her comic, this characterization for her is what stuck leading to the dumbificaton issue.

Convergence Batgirl Issue #1

They won't give her a freaking break.

3 - Stephanie is different from the rest of the Robins and Cass

Stephanie started off her vigilante career by herself, unlike the rest. Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, and Damian all had mentors that raised them in some way shape or form at the beginning but Stephanie literally created her own costume, snuck out, and learned crime fighting by herself. She's like Helena, Bruce, and Barbara and I firmly believe if Bruce had treated her as Robin, genuinely taken her in, she wouldn't have died in the altercation with Black Mask.

But I think it's because of this element and the fact that times have changed, this ingenuity and self-growth is seen as unfeasible which leads to the dumbification of her character. As if she's unable to fight and think for herself without leading to her detriment.

Convergence Batgirl Issue #1

They seriously classified all her hard, independent work as Spoiler into "being young and silly." I can't-

In summary of Steph, I don't believe dumbification has to do with ableism. Stephanie's written that way because the writers don't know how to write her and they don't care enough.

Dick

I don't think the dumbification thing with Dick is anywhere near as bad as it is with Steph. But whereas Stephanie doesn't a single post-og spoiler comic where she's seen as good until the very recent Batgirls comic run and tie ins, Dick has numerous comics where he's pointed out to be amazing or good.

Steph says it

Convergence Batgirl Issue #1

Tim says it

Robin (1993) Issue #32

Bruce, Helena, Damian, and various other heroes to summarize.

However same issue with the stephanie batgirl comic and dick - both characters are dumbed down to highlight Barbara's intelligence. Not even touching Tom Taylor's run, Dick's really only dumbed down when he's paired up with Barbara.

Batgirl (2011) Issue #3

There's no way he can't fight his way out, use a grapple or a device, manipulate someone, or at the very least have an escape plan.

Convergence Nightwing/Oracle Issue #1

He's the leader of the Titans, the Outsiders, been Batman, soloed, been Robin, and he teaches heroes on tactics, strategies, and fighting skills. But she won't even give him the decency of hearing out his plan because she's so incredibly smart that she doesn’t need to listen to anyone but herself.

No, I don't believe Steph and Dick's dumbification is related to ableism but there are other factors that play into it.

[alipeeps]

Episode 24

Welp, he did what they suggested. He went to see for himself.

I've said it before but it bears repeating - this kid is SUCH a good actor!

Jesus fucking christ, Wen Zongyu is the worst.

He took a grieving child and:

manipulated him into spying against his friends and poisoning one of them:

intended from the start to use his body as a vessel for a demon;

fucking poisoned him so that he would be able to control said demon once it was in his body!!

Oooh but your little demon trapping cage didn't work on our boy Li Lun?

So... could it actually end up now that Li Lun and the gang will band together against Wen Zongyu? The enemy of my enemy and all that?

Can't Zhao Yuanzhou use his healing ability on him?

Oh SHIT, the sword being broken affects/damages the person connected to it?

So they NEED that second sword!! Anybody else remember that it was explicitly mentioned that TWO cloud light swords were forged? Anyone?!!

And that confirms that the reason the sword cracked this time is because of the malicious qi - every other time Zhu Yan has been stabbed with the sword, he has been in control of his qi.

However... doesn't that mean that the plan/back up plan to kill Zhu Yan if he is out of control is doomed to failure, because the uncontrolled qi will crack the sword?

OUCH

Ying Lei is so fucking under-rated... they play him for comedy so much of the time but he has genuinely been the one coming up with a lot of the solutions for things. He found how to purify the Yao Water. He worked out that Bai Jiu's blood could revive the Divine Wood. And he's thought to ask the other mountain gods about ways to save both Zhuo Yichen and Bai Jiu. He is best boy!!

Uhhhh... yeah... sliiiight problem there...

Okay so we have a way to keep him going a bit longer... while you find the second sword, right? Right?!

Good on you Pei Sijing.

He is the best!!

Oh damn, he survived.

And Wen Zongyu has the gall to act pleased about it - as if he wasn't callously offering his position to Pei Sijing a matter of days ago.

"Thank you for your treatment"

"Better than I was before"

Did... did Wen Zongyu use his fucking experimental treatments on him? Is he a hybrid now?

"According to the spy" What spy? Just a generic spy keeping an eye on things... or is there another traitor in their midst?

Oh dang, that's fucked up your plans eh? Bummer. Sucks to be you.

Oh wow, that is freaky. It's Bai Jiu... but he's dressed and hair-styled Li Lun-style.

Ohhh that doesn't sound good...

Oh dang, his brother didn't have the right Bingyi blood to awaken the sword?!

But... but didn't we see it glowing in his (dead) hand when Zhu Yan wiped out the Demon Hunting Bureau? Or was that just the sword reacting to Zhu Yan's presence?

Ahhhh was it Zhu Yan they were going after? Probably... how many Great Demons are there after all?

Yup, it was, and the sword glowed in response to Zhu Yan's presence.

No wonder Zhuo Yichen didn't know how to use the cloud light sword properly... I'd thought it was because his dad and brother had died before they had chance to teach him... but they never could have taught him because they didn't have the power to awaken it and use it to its full potential...

Oh SHIT and he finds out about his brother's death by someone bringing him the damn sword?!! Wrapped in a blood-stained cloth. Like... harsh, dude?!!

And he dedicated his life to becoming strong enough to awaken the sword, to honor his brother...

I'm not crying, you're crying!!

His tears awakened it?

Goddamn the music in this show is just perfect...

Oh shit.

OH SHIT!

Wtf's going on with the fish pond?

Wtf is this, that's been hiding in the fish pond all this time?!

Of course it is. And of course it's been at the bottom of the fish pond for fucking generations. Where else would you keep it?!

Oh it can repair everything can it?

WHY do they just fucking stand there and let it happen?!!

Oh Zhu Yan did react! Hallelujah!

He sure did.

Did what? You are in this situation because of your own actions! It was literally YOUR plan to break the baize token, get unsealed, and then take over Bai Jiu's body because you knew your own body would burn up!

Okay wtf why did the stone suddenly break?

Can this show please stop giving us a teensy glimpse of hope and then ripping it away from us again?!!

Honestly the stone's a bit shit if all it takes to crumble it is the merest touch of demonic energy?

And what the fuck is this now? There was blood at the centre of the stone? Is it the famous Bingyi blood?

And it's gone zooming into Zhuo Yichen? Whose eyes have gone blue like in the flashbacks to his ancestor?

Oh damn... did I hear that right? The demon Ying Long agreed to die at Bingyi's hand... for the greater good?

OH WHAT?!!!

Ying Lei be like:

Ahhh my poor precious baby mountain god! He's too too good!

Way to be a downer, Zhu Yan.

So it wasn't Bingyi blood? It was demon blood? Unless...?

Because Ying Long sacrificed himself to save the world. Sound familiar, anyone?

Ho hoooooo! Yes indeedy, Zhuo Yichen's ancestor was also a demon... and the famous Bingyi blood is - demon blood! (So I guess maybe it was Bingyi blood inside the stone after all?)

And members of Zhuo Yichen's family were only strong enough to activate the cloud light sword if they had enough demon Bingyi bloodline in them, I guess? And Zhuo Yichen does... which is probably also why he kept dreaming about turning into a demon, I am guessing?

Ohhhhh and we finally get an explanation of how come Zhuo Yichen let Ao Yin get away if he wasn't being controlled by Li Lun!!

He wasn't controlled... he was shocked (mind you, why on earth he would believe a demon's word on that, enough to be shocked to a standstill by it and let them escape?)

So the Great Demon Bingyi was turned human...

And he lived in seclusion... and his descendants...

SO... he wasn't all THAT secluded then eh? 😂

It allows them to choose? So he gets to choose if he remains human or becomes demon? But what do you want to bet he will end up in a situation where becoming demon is the only option to save everyone, so he'll do it?

Oh mind you, no, doesn't sound like there is any choice...

Oh holy shit, is there ANY good news for us, Zhu Yan?!!

So now Zhuo Yichen is condemned to death on 2 fronts - the broken sword AND the Bingyi demon blood.

How the fuck are Chongwu spies able to so easily sneak right into the core of Demon Hunting Bureau to eavesdrop? Do you people have ANY fucking security at all?

You said it girl!

Well DUH, of course he's bloody disappeared while you idiots were chitchatting!!

Oh dang...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah 😭😭

Aww bless her, she has understood the meaning behind his words...

Oh shit!

AAaaaahhhh! You end it THERE?!!

[nadas-dirthalen]

I Saw Solas's Origin in an Achievement Icon and It Opened My Eyes on 15 Years of Lore

— PART TEN, THE FINALE: if you haven't read previous parts, do it now! —

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ]

Welcome, friends and travellers! I wanted to get some thoughts recorded before Veilguard's release so I could see if I am right about an absolute BOATLOAD of theories I have.

In short: I saw the achievement list when it was released. I have seen the backstory hints for Solas included in said list. AND MY MIND WAS BLOWN.

You have been warned: THIS COLLECTION OF THEORIES INCLUDES SPOILERS FOR EVERY DRAGON AGE GAME AND ALL PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL UP TO AND INCLUDING OCTOBER 18, 2024.

Come sit down with me. Make a nice cup of tea (and hide it from Solas). We've got a lot of unpacking to do.

(no, this photo isn't the spoiler, I just like it.)

The Story of Solas: Him Solas Evanuris, Da'durgen'lin (3/3)

— From the Long Sleep to the Dark Present —

If you're still here, I thank you, from the bottom of my tired heart. I am doing MY BEST to get through this final bit of theorycrafting, all in one long, gigantic post, the night before Veilguard.

I haven't been spoiled. Please no one tell me anything. I want to be able to properly say I did all this, all 10 parts, without spoilers of any kind.

This post is going to be long. Let's dive right in. We've got:

A Tiny Aside, First: Solas's Paintings are Really Important, Actually

The Herald, the Breach, and the Horrible Future

Solas's Thoughts on the Grey Wardens

Fear in the Fade

All New, Faded for Her

But Solas Left, and Not for Pride

Terror Unfolding on the Din'anshiral

What Rook Did and the High Cost of Failure

Veilguard Predictions

[Image Source.]

A Tiny Aside, First: Solas's Paintings Are Really Important, Actually

I'm writing this segment last, but placing it up here because the other sections are sort of in order. So hello. Welcome, first, from a very tired Nadas Dirthalen.

I just wanted to make mention of a few key lines regarding Solas's paintings. Emmrich remarks on them as not just memories: they are what Solas wishes to forget. (No source; I'm not hunting for footage right now.)

The Regret demon is able to spring out from them. Huh.

And, finally:

Cole: You like to dance, but can't. You hate to sing, but can. You should not paint. It would be very bad if you did.

Given that I believe Sera's playing with "small painted boxes" gave her a fragment of that memory Mythal stole from Andruil (its own theory; so many people before I have explained it in depth), I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the Evanuris, existing in a time before sundered Titans, could trap memories in things.

Like stone. Like paintings on stone.

It's said that the Shapers put their actual thoughts into the Memories. I wonder if this means creating small spirits, like wisps, in the Stone; an echo of Titans' ability.

I wonder if this means Solas was literally offloading tiny spirits of Contemplation and Regret in his paintings, the whole time. Memories taken out of himself, so he could stay true to his purpose.

(Do I have any idea how that would work? No. Do I still think it's true? Yup. Do I have time to look it up and weigh it against everything else that could be possible? Absolutely not. Enjoy!)

Anyway. I wonder if that's why he paints everywhere: because if he doesn't, his problems will consume him, forcing him to take another... terrifying... shape.

(Yes, this is foreshadowing; keep reading. <3)

The Herald, the Breach, and the Horrible Future

Solas wakes up from uthenera, hands his orb off to Corypheus, and then Corypheus doesn't die. We know the story. What I want to touch on is the fact that the Inquisitor doesn't die, either. They are dyING, but they do not die immediately, which Solas thought would happen even for Corypheus. Beyond the fact that Corypheus has, by that point, been using the orb for some time, I want to talk about why the Inquisitor doesn't die from the orb.

Because I have a theory.

Solas speaks to a high-approval Inquisitor about wisdom: one that he has never seen in their people, regardless of who those people are. I had to look it up to make sure, but it's true.

dwarf PC Solas: Dwarves are practical. They do not dream. The cannot even imagine a world beyond the physical. But you have shown subtlety in your actions. A wisdom that goes against everything I know of your people. Qunari PC Solas: Qunari are savage creatures, their ferocity held in check only by the rigid teachings of the Qun. But you have shown subtlety in your actions. A wisdom that goes against everything I know of your people. human PC Solas: Humans are shortsighted, brutish. Blind to the beauty of the Fade, their minds cast in a duality of black and white. But you have shown subtlety in your actions. A wisdom that goes against everything I know of your people. Dalish PC Solas: You have shown subtlety in your actions, a wisdom that goes against everything I expected. If the Dalish could raise someone with a spirit like yours… have I misjudged them? [Source.]

The Dalish dialogue speaks of what I want to focus on: a spirit like yours.

My hypothesis is that the Inquisitor is a spirit from the same Titan as Solas is, and that Solas's true name really is Contemplation. He is seeing a spirit like himself, from the same home.

I think this is why the Inquisitor, even a non-mage Inquisitor, can visit Solas in the Fade and surprise the shit out of him. It's because the Inquisitor, imbued with the mark, has awakened something deep in their subconscious. Something they don't even understand.

Connection.

Isatunoll, with one singular other person (who is very single, the moment she asks, if she asks, har har).

From this and other things already covered, I know: Solas marvels at the sight of spirits similar to his, and people similar to him. He seeks for those spirits and people to thrive, and mourns their death. Ultimately, he wants the Titans to be restored, likely for the benefit of all future spirits and for the benefit of the Titans themselves (we'll get there).

That's why the Breach is a threat to him, even when he wants to tear down the Veil.

Solas wants the Titans brought back, but not as they are right now. Right now, they are Terror, Malice, Pestilence, and Spite. Before, they were something else: something happy and whole. Un-sundering them is a first step to their regeneration, but they will first come back as those unhealthy aspects.

And the Breach, should it tear open the Veil, would likely break the Evanuris's prisons, thereby releasing them. The freed Evanuris would continue wounding the Titans and manipulating the blight. The Titans would never heal; they would always be fighting back. (We'll get there, too.)

And we know this information because we had the chance to play through In Hushed Whispers.

During In Hushed Whispers (IHW for short), we saw a timeline where the Breach had been allowed to completely tear open the Veil, without the Evanuris being re-imprisoned. We see Solas as a prisoner during this questline, showing that he did not get to do what he wanted.

The whole sky is blown open and swirling green—but surely we all saw how much red lyrium is everywhere, too. They're growing it out of people, and if we remember the Chant of Light, we remember that (however abstractly) the Chant tells us that the Maker's second children (aka, everyone after the Evanuris) are formed with bodies made of lyrium and spirits comprised of Titans' thoughts.

That is Solas's worst nightmare, even though the Veil has been torn open. Because what Solas wants isn't just the Fade being rejoined with the waking world, but for the Titans he was forced to wound to be able to heal.

Clearly, with that abundance of red lyrium, they were not.

This, I believe, is also why Solas says, "You change... everything," to a high approval Inquisitor.

If the Inquisitor's soul truly is a spirit that comes from Terror, either pre- or post-Veil, it means one very crucial thing to Solas. It means that not all of Terror is blighted. That someone mortal, so much younger than him, is comprised of a thought from the Titan he has been mourning for thousands of years.

Which brings me to...

Solas's Thoughts on the Grey Wardens

Picture that you are Solas: once Cool Contemplation, now Cold Dread. You have spent thousands of years mourning the action you were forced to take, leading to the destruction of everything you knew, and also your connection to everything and everyone else. You have just woken, made another grand mistake, but in the process you have discovered that one singular person is made from the same Titan as you, and remains free of the blight.

One. But it is enough to hope for a world you thought could never exist; one you were willing to tear down the Veil to fight for anyway, despite that.

Still some hope remains for restoration.

PC: I wouldn’t mind never having another Blight. Corypheus interfering is the real problem. Solas: The Blight is the real problem. PC: And the Wardens are trying to end the Blight. Solas: Yes! Would it have worked? Do you know? Do they? The fools who first unleashed the Blight upon this world thought they were unlocking the ultimate power. [Source.]

Except for that some people have been drinking the blood of archdemons, WILLINGLY ingesting the foulness of turned Titans. Some people are WORSENING the very thing that you think has a teeny tiny itty bitty chance of being fixed. And what do they want?

They want to charge straight for Titans' hearts to exact violence upon the archdemons, who aren't actually the cause of the blight at all. Because you are. You, who is watching them suggest all of this as if it's a serious idea.

I dunno, folks. I'd be a little salty, too. Especially if they were unknowingly making casual mention of my worst fear...

Fear in the Fade

I always found it curious that Fear spoke to Solas in Elvhen. I mean, yeah, it makes sense, but why do that to the player, when Solas clearly has a grasp on the common tongue?

To make it a puzzle, because BioWare loves their puzzles. Well, I love puzzles, too, as we can all probably guess by now.

Trick Weekes says that, essentially, the Nightmare's words are, essentially, "Your pride is responsible for everything that has gone wrong; you will die alone." Solas's response, according to Trick, is, "Nothing is known for certain / Not necessarily."

But, knowing "dirthara-ma," "banal," "ma," "enasalin," and "salin," I am led toward this interpretation.

Dirth ma, harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ena mar din. May you know, Dread. Your blight led to victory. Your pride leads to your death.

And Solas's response?

Banal nadas.

Two interpretations. One is "nothing is inevitable," just like Trick says. The other is "The Nothing is inevitable," where The Nothing refers to the blight. And yes, they knew that in this scene. The Nothing is Sera's greatest fear.

Knowing what I know now, I agree with Solas on both counts, and that's why I think, now, that this is such a genius line. Solas toes the line between hope and being "grim and fatalistic."

The blight—the blighted Titans, fighting back—are inevitable to him. They are a fact of life, and why he must tear down the Veil. So they have a chance at ever being healed.

But with the Inquisitor's existence? That chance exists already. The Nightmare shows us, then, that Solas stands on a precipice throughout his time in Inquisition, because hope continues to chase him.

The Titans are waking—but what will that mean?

All New, Faded for Her

This, I feel, is the deciding line for Solas during his time in Inquisition. We know that ultimately he makes the same choice at the end either way—he leaves the Inquisition as soon as Corypheus dies.

Cole: He hurts, an old pain from before, when everything sang the same. You're real, and it means everyone could be real. It changes everything, but it can't.

But until that exact moment? I believe, for many Inquisitors, Solas makes the firm decision to stay.

The Inquisitor is real. They are a real person, with a spirit so much like his own, and they continue to survive, not blighted. There is hope for Terror. It means everyone could be real. The Titans might heal on their own. It changes everything, but Solas can't depend on that change: not when the Inquisitor might be the only good thing to ever happen in these thousands of years, and abandoning his duty now might mean never seeing the world healed.

Can't he?

I believe that doubt in his own convictions—and his decision to stay—come in the moment pictured above. The moment where his friend is allowed to die as itself, as Wisdom, not bound as Pride. The moment where the Inquisitor shows Solas that there might be a world where the current society embraces the People (spirits; Titan-thoughts; Titans) that he knew.

You know what else happens during that part of his personal quest? Solas leaves. He genuinely debates leaving the Inquisition while he mourns.

PC: Guess I owe Varric an ale. I wasn’t sure you were coming back. Solas: Neither was I for a time, but only a short time. [Source.]

He visits the Fade; the spot where his friend used to be.

PC: Where did you go? Solas: I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. I visited the place in the Fade where my friend used to be. It’s empty, but there are stirrings of energy in the Void. Someday something new may grow there.

Stirrings of energy. Not in the Fade. In the Void, which the ancient elves referred to as synonymous with the Abyss. That's odd—shouldn't spirits go back to the Fade when they die?

No: this represents a Titan healing. Stirrings of energy; a scab crawling over a wound.

Cole speaks often of hope. The Inquisitor as a beacon, burning bright for both spirits and the people worshipping the Herald of Andraste.

I believe this is why: the Inquisitor represents hope for the two worlds joining—literally and figuratively. And their soul represents something that Solas sees in Wisdom's death: that the Titans may be healing on their own, in a way he never expected. The blights may end on their own, in time.

And Solas would have stayed to see it. He would have come back to a romanced Lavellan, after Corypheus's death.

But...

But Solas Left, and Not for Pride.

Let's remember Solas's first words after Corypheus's defeat.

Solas places the pieces back on the ground and stands. If Solas has high approval: PC: There’s more, isn’t there? Solas: It was not supposed to happen this way. [Source.]

He sounds genuinely shattered in the moment, much like that orb. That's because he had no time to mask the feeling, as he had been for the entirety of DA:I up until that point. This was a crushing loss.

The defeat of his fleeting hope.

Why? Well, to keep it brief because I swear my hands will give out before Veilguard releases at this rate: I, like many, many others, believe that pieces of the Titans make up magical foci. The ancient Tevinter call them the vessels of dreams, and we know now what dreams are.

We also remember the Trespasser mural of a sundered Titan, and how the orb on the Fade half (left) bears a direct resemblance to the ones Mythal and Elgar'nan carry in Solas's Lighthouse mural.

I believe that this may have been Solas's sundered heart of his own Titan. Terror.

Home, all gone.

Now there is only the Inquisitor sharing kinship of any kind with him, because Wisdom is dead and Terror is half-dead, too.

It doesn't matter how much Solas appreciates the Inquisitor's company, or how they represent an end to his loneliness. It doesn't matter how much he loves a romanced Lavellan. It can't matter.

Because the Inquisitor is mortal. They will die, and unless Solas does something, their soul will not go back to Terror if Terror does not exist at all.

Solas—Cold Dread—was not motivated by pride when he left the Inquisition.

He was motivated by fear.

Terror Unfolding on the Din'anshiral

I literally have no time to unpack the existence of this man's wolf form. Anyone who wanted to read this post for that, I'm so sorry: I don't know why it's a wolf. I suspect I'm not supposed to know why.

I will say this: I wonder if when Solas sundered the Titans, maybe he also sundered a (blighted) wolf form from himself. One he could previously shapeshift into, like seems to be the case with the Evanuris and their archdemons.

Do I have evidence to link? Nope not really; only that it's weird, then, that Solas's Dread Wolf absorbed—

Nope, okay, I've got a theory. Normally, I edit out these real-time realizations. Not today, Satan.

What I was going to say is that, if Solas had to sunder himself from the wolf when he made the Veil, it's awful weird that the wolf (sundered) somehow absorbed Urthemiel's power from Mythal.

Only: I don't think the wolf was sundered, and I remember evidence that backs that up.

Anyone remember the inexplicably killed Qunari from Trespasser?

"Backs hunched, eyes wide open... They were scared shitless when they died," says Bull.

"More dead Qunari with terrified expressions," the Inquisitor later remarks.

They were killed without wounds. They were so afraid that they instantly died. I really wondered what happened, there, since Solas has been known to petrify (a lot of) people.

It's because there's two magics going on. One, Solas's magic from being from the Stone/Titans.

The other... Dread.

I'm not sure if Solas mysteriously left no pawprints (lol) in Trespasser. What I do know is that Solas and the Dread Wolf are the same being—and that if the Dread Wolf truly is blighted, that is why both sides of the Evanuris's conflict would worship him. Solas symbolizes power over the blight—representing hope for a future with a cure, or indomitable Evanuris power, depending upon the story.

Now that THAT epiphany is out of the way, let me continue on with what I was going to say about Trespasser and the din'anshiral.

Solas, after Corypheus's defeat (more importantly, after his orb shatters), has little left to lose. If he doesn't act and do everything necessary, it's only a matter of time until the other orbs are lost this way. Until the Veil weakens and breaks entirely. Until the Evanuris walk free and take the Titans for all they've got left.

His fear is mounting. He is not acting in Pride during Trespasser (however haughty he might come across); he is acting in fear. Fear that makes him try to put on a brave (and maybe prideful) face. Fear that sends him crumbling every time his vhenan is in his line of sight. Fear that has him suddenly callous with an Inquisitor he isn't friendly with, because he no longer has time to play nice and is scared shitless of the consequences of failure.

The man is literally the living embodiment of anxiety. Cold Dread.

This is why Solas says he is walking the din'anshiral. The path of death; the path of endings. Because Terror's heart is dead in his hands. Because he carries the blight. Because the Veil is weakening, the Evanuris are on the verge of escaping their stone prisons, and he doesn't have a way to stop them.

If he fails, the Inquisitor is mortal. Wisdom is dead, and there are mere stirrings in the Void. There is no guarantee either his spirit friend or the Inquisitor will ever come back in a way he will recognize, if either of them come back at all.

And if Terror's vessel of dreams is shattered and lifeless, who is to say that Terror will ever dream again? Who is to say that there will ever, ever be another Titan-thought, another spirit, that Solas will feel close to in the same way?

I'd be willing to cause an apocalypse for that reason, too. Maybe a war between Tevinter and the Qunari, just for funsies, because my perpetual anxiety that makes up the entire core of my being sometimes needs a distraction.

(Tiny sidenote that did not fit in elsewhere: mentioning again that the spirit guardians in Trespasser say, "Revas vir-Anaris," which means "Freedom we-Anaris," which is the name of a Forgotten One. Wondering if it means Solas previously fighting to free the elves borne of Anaris, or maybe freeing Anaris (Terror??) from the blight. But also? I wonder about that Anaris and Andruil story in a way I have no time to dissect. Really, what does anything mean? Okay. Carry on.)

What Rook Really Caused and the High Cost of Failure

I honestly think things were going great for Solas (as much as a sad, dirty bed roll alone in the Deep Roads where he was probably cuddling rocks and crying can be called great) before Rook showed up.

Yes, he had an itsy bitsy little Regret demon tear apart Skyhold.

Sure, he had a little bit of a Dread-Wolf-shaped meltdown at the Mortalitasi. (On that note, I think he had said wolf-shaped meltdown because the Mortalitasi are stopping spirits from reconnecting with their Titans once they leave the fade because, oopsie, all the necromancers are catching them and putting them into corpses instead.)

But other than that?

Great. Really great. No sense of cold dread here. Nope. No sir. Definitely not guiding every single one of his actions, from petrifying random people all the way to breaking time a little bit (?) to save Varric's life in Arlathan.

He makes it up onto his little (dilapidated, fracturing) staircase in his (also under-construction and very unstable) ritual site in Arlathan, and his ritual's begun (right out in the open, with an eluvian leading right to it that we all somehow have the password to, because he definitely doesn't want to be stopped at all, nope, not at all).

The Evanuris are going to go into their stone prisons! Rock Jail 2.0: Waking World Edition! It's great!

Until Rook shoves over one of those not-quite-stable statues. Which falls into another statue (Falon'Din's?). Which then topples one more statue, before Solas shatters it (which....... buddy. Why.)

Point is: ritual broken, Ghilan'nain and Elgar'nan freed, blights inevitable, Titans doomed. You know: Ma banal enasalin. Your blight wins, Dread.

Except that's not all.

Those other Evanuris, whose archdemons we killed? My guess is that they're not gone from their stone prisons. Remember what happened when we killed Corypheus's dragon? The soul just flew back into Corypheus, who was then mortal for a time (and we dropped him in the Fade instead, smh, Inquisitor, we literally went over this right before the final fight).

This means that the same is probably true of every archdemon we have killed. That means Dirthamen, Falon'Din, Sylaise, June, and Andruil are all out there somewhere, ostensibly, if they are freed from their stone prisons.

What happened in the Hissing Wastes when the stone broke, when we put the torches in the wrong order?

Demons. And what did Cole say about them?

"They were Dwarves. They think they still are. They sound like dust tastes."

And what does the Chant of Light say about the Evanuris?

Those who had been cast down, The demons who would be gods, Began to whisper to men from their tombs within the earth. — Threnodies 5

(sidenote, what if tombs within the earth doesn't necessarily only mean the abyss-earth, but also the rocks in which they're imprisoned in the fade? juicy...)

I think that not only are Ghilan'nain and Elgar'nan freed, not only is Terror still broken, not only are the blights back in business, not only are all the Titans still turned—

But five of the seven Evanuris just came back as world-endingly-bad demons.

Who could possess anything.

Or anyone.

I don't know whether Solas is trapped-trapped in Fade Jail™ (because there's an awful lot of wolf statues in there, and yet, he is not bound inside any of them), but honestly, that matters little when examining the scope of things.

The Evanuris all walk free. All seven. And our friend Fen'Harel, Dread Wolf, Cold Dread, Anxiety Incarnate, isn't going to be able to trick them twice.

Veilguard Predictions: the Ballad's Conclusion, or Does the Song Go On?

Oh my god this post is so long, this series is so long, my hands hurt, please for the love of god, I need to employ some sort of brevity somewhere.

Here's some predictions. I'm so tired. I've written so much.

Harding: her powers awoke, apparently, when she touched Solas's dagger. I'm wondering if that is reconnecting her to Solas's blood (which might be what makes the dagger?) or Solas's Titan. We also saw that diamond concept art, didn't we?

Varric: If you know, you know. Lyrium dagger, dwarf. If you don't know, close your eyes and pretend you read nothing.

Lucanis: You know what's really funky to me? The fact that Lucanis is possessed by Spite. And this is a time when all the other five Evanuris might possess some people. And this game might really just be Who Got Possessed By Whom. But, I think the thing Spite wants might be to see Solas dead. Or, Spite might want to see all the Titans healed. Or some other third thing that is sure to stomp on my heart.

... Sidenote I think we're going to see all the Forgotten Ones, and maybe even find out the one who's unnamed.

Solas: Fen'Harel walked among both clans of gods. The Forgotten Ones counted him as one of their own. It's possible Solas might be Terror. Not sure how that works! Not sure how sundered Titans operate! But it would sure be neat if the elven word for Contemplation were Solas's true name, and also the "true" name of the final Forgotten One (as they all have two names; their qualities and their name-names).

Emmrich: You know who'd have a really good shot of freeing all those spirits from the Necropolis? Three guesses. And you know what might happen if all those happy spirits that the Mourn Watch gave therapy to all move back into their Titans? Well, something really nice, plus a whole lot of crying from us. Sidenote: if Wisdom had enough time to reincarnate into an incomplete wisp before Solas's terror-orb broke? You know who'd be a really great candidate for a skeleton to house New Wisdom? Three guesses.

Neve: Magister Gallus is the one mentioned in the Gangue codex. :) But also, Neve is widely theorized to be the Archon's bastard child. It would be amazing to me if Magister Gallus were some other relative of hers—but how would that work, with Neve notably born as a commoner? The other, OTHER theory I've seen floating around is that this Magister Gallus is actually Neve's husband. But also—how does THAT work, with what we know of Neve?

Taash: Sylaise creation. Or Ghil creation. Who knows? Maybe Taash is how we find out the origin of all kossith. Maybe Taash is a little bit more dragon than other kossith. Maybe Taash is half scaled one, half kossith.

Davrin: Something something, the griffons woke up as the Veil began to come down. I don't know what that means, except more in the line of "Titans are waking" things. But also? He's a Warden, and he's about to see how much the Wardens didn't know about the blight. And also, Solas is blight patient zero and/or the source of all blight. And he's the Dread Wolf. Either Davrin and Solas have a lot of growing to do, or maybe Davrin is a source of anti-Solas sentiment.

Bellara: :) I really think Dirthamen, who potentially escaped the Fade in the time of the Magisters Sidereal, is hanging out with Bellara. She's got new vallaslin that none of the rest of us have access to. She's obsessed with knowledge. She has a very funky piece of ancient technology and just seems to have a way with old elvhen knowledge and equipment. Sleeper agent Bellara? Secret betrayer on our hands, or has Dirthamen become something better, kinder, than he was?

The Truth About Solas and Mythal's Relationship: I'd be so shocked if it were romance. I think, rewatching that post-DAI credits scene, they just trauma-bonded a shitload when Solas was born. Maybe I'm wrong! But if anyone in all of Thedas would have a reason to trauma-bond, it's them: the guy who started the blight, and the woman who made him do it; the two Evanuris who begged the others not to go back looking for more blight.

The Eclipse: Dirthamen and Falon'Din? Do I just love the Bird Boys™ too much, or is there something here?

Blackened Hearts Memory: I was wrong with Falon'Din, I think, and stumbled into the answer with Mythal. I think Mythal blackened the first Titan heart.

Do We Win?: man. Please. I'm just begging. Please let us be happy after all this. Do you know how much I cried, falling into the truth about Solasan and the dread at the door? I need a happy ending here. Or I need someone at BioWare to get me a nice cup of hot chocolate. Something.

Is Solas A Villain?: Bro have you even been reading? No. Pookie's never done anything wrong a day in his goddamned life. Let him sing Hallelujah in peace. :)

Do We Stop the Blight?: What other choice do we have? It's beat the Evanuris and fix the Titans now, or end up in a blighted world forever...???? Or... kill the Titans and kill all magic? Guys. Please don't kill all magic forever.

That's all I have in the way of major predictions. Probably.

---

I need a nap. You're a hero for reading all of these, if you have. <3

I'm still on an internet blackout until I have Veilguard in my hands, so I am likely not to reply here. But I promise: I will be back soon, when I've seen the game's story play out!

Let's all have some fun in Thedas tomorrow. :)

[flightyalrighty]

I think the only reason it doesn't click as rust to people is because you are so good at hiding little details so people see something that catches their eye and go WHAT IS IT IVE CONNECTED THR DOTS

It's like you're the creator of gravity falls all over again do not worry

To you, it's rust

To us, we think we have solved a mystery that doesn't even exist because you are rubbing your hands together going HEHEHEHEHEH

Too long didn't read most of what I wrote made no sense, you are a good artist and a good writer, if you didn't hide little details usually I'm sure most would have mentally written it off as rust

@saturn-seraphim

As we can see in the ask below this Anon one, yup I believe that's the case.

I gotta do my best to keep this in mind because otherwise my brain instantly slams me with the ol'

"OOUUGGHHRRHHHHGH YOU DIDN'T CONVEY THE HAPPENINGS IN THE PAGE YOU NEEDED TO, THE IMPORTANCE OF SOME THINGS HAVE BEEN IGNORED OVER OTHERS, YOU ARE A FAILURE AS A CARTOONIST"

that keeps me awake at night. I feel this would be more of a problem for me if my story was a bit more straightforward, but, like you said, I'm waving around a mystery here and passing out lil hints, so I suppose I really ought to expect folks to fiddle with the puzzle pieces, since that's part of the fun of stories like this.

My greatest fear with Infested, besides the story being misunderstood, is for people to expect one thing, get another, and then become furious with me. Our post-Cinema-Sins world has made this way of thinking a little too common for my liking. I've seen it happen plenty with other pieces of media and other creators.

I hope that, despite what happens in Infested, the majority of folks continue to find enjoyment in it, regardless of whether or not it fits within how people imagine it will end.

[bun-lapin]

Confessions

Summary: Floyd confesses his love to you.

A/N: Fourth one shot! This one is a bit on the short side as it was a pretty busy week for me. But I feel like I'm hitting a good stride with this series! Hopefully I don't run out of idea though lol lots of characters still to get through~

Confessions series: Rook, Kalim, Idia, Floyd, Vil, Silver, Leona, Trey / AO3

Standing under an ancient apple tree, you listen to the peaceful sounds of wind rustling through green leaves and birds chirping on a high branch. On the other side of the courtyard, you hear a handful of students having quiet, friendly conversations among themselves. You lean back against the gnarled bark of the tree with a sigh and let your eyes wander across the scene in front of you. You visually trace a path across the lush grass lawn, over a few wooden benches, down the paved pathway, and continue up the stone columns supporting the roof of the exterior corridor. Your gaze finally stops there on the corridor roof where Floyd sits, legs dangling over the side and lazily smiling down at you.

"Easy enough, right? Now come up here and join me!" Floyd calls down to you with a slight waggle of his fingers.

You walk over to stand on the pathway under Floyd’s perch and call up to him, “That was a very impressive parkour demonstration but”-you consider the considerable height from the ground to the roof and shake your head with a grimace- “there’s absolutely no way I’m going up there.”

Floyd gives you an exaggerated pout and whines, “Aww, that’s no fun shrimpy!” He reaches into his back pocket with a smirk on his face and holds up a small familiar looking object. “I guess that means you don't want your wallet back then."

You give all of your pockets a quick pat down before letting out a long frustrated sigh. That is indeed your wallet up there in Floyd’s hands. With your hands in your pockets you look over the lanky and relaxed figure sitting high above, and you briefly weigh your options. Your hands close around a small peppermint candy you had grabbed from the Mystery Shop earlier and an idea flashes in your mind.

“Floyd, I’m not going up there so why don’t you just DROP IT?!” you yell out the last few words as you pitch the small candy as hard as you can at the hand holding your wallet.

"Whoa Shrimpy!” Floyd nimbly dodges the thrown confectionery and looks down at you in disbelief. “Did you just throw something at me?!"

You look up at Floyd’s face, his eyes wide and his playful smile gone without a trace. For a few tense seconds, you stare at each other and you begin to wonder if you should make a run for it.

Floyd’s face suddenly breaks out into a wide, sharp grin and he throws his head back in a fit of high pitched laughter. He looks down at you, eyes sparkling with laughter and exclaims, “That's too hilarious! You're pretty bold, shrimpy! I guess that's why I like you." He smiles in an appreciative and relaxed way at you.

You cross your arms over your chest, regretting the failure of your candy plan, and reply in a dry, sarcastic voice, “Yup, that’s me. Just a regular old charmer. You’re so lucky to be my friend.”

Floyd’s smile drops instantly and is replaced by a small frown. "You're not hearing me right, shrimpy.” He stands up and places your wallet back into his pocket. “I said I like you."

You raise your eyebrows questioningly at him and reply, “Yeah that’s basically what I said, right?”

Floyd looks down at you in silence for a few seconds, an unreadable expression on his face. He then takes a step off the corridor roof and lands as effortlessly as if he had just stepped off of the ground. You watch him casually walk over to you with rising curiosity and when he finally stops to stand in front of you with arms crossed over his chest, you tilt your head inquisitively at him.

After staring at you thoughtfully for a moment, Floyd smiles in a secretive way. His mismatched eyes twinkle playfully and crinkle at the corners, as if he knows something hilarious that you don’t. Reaching out towards you, he gently takes both of your hands in his and breezily says, “Let me phrase this in a way that makes it crystal clear for you.”

Floyd begins to slowly walk a circle around you and, with your hands still firmly held in his, you find yourself turning in a circle as well while still facing him. It’s almost as if the two of you are dancing some sort of very slow and lazy kind of waltz. You laugh softly at the thought and Floyd mirrors your laugh with one of his own. He leans a little closer to you and his voice is quiet yet excited, like he’s telling a funny story during class.

"I never know what I'm going to get with you. You're wild, unpredictable, and perfect. To me, you're like endless fireworks falling over the sea. One minute, hot sparks of gold and red. The next minute, cool sea foam floating on the water. Never the same way twice but more wonderful every time after."

He stops walking and, still holding on to you, Floyd looks you over in silence. His expression is one of pure appreciation and marvel. The way he looks it’s as if he’s found sunken treasure and you feel a pleasant tingling in your cheeks, swept up by Floyd’s infectious excitement. Studying his face, you think that it’s the most sincere you’ve ever seen him.

Leaning in closer still, Floyd places his lips close to your ear and whispers with an airy laugh, "A guy could really get hooked on someone like you."

He leans back and smirks when he sees your wide eyes and slightly flushed face. Giving your hands a quick and gentle squeeze, he finally lets go and reaches into his back pocket. He hands your wallet over to you and simply says, "Take a look inside."

With Floyd’s words and cryptic actions swirling and tumbling through your mind, you almost feel like bursting from curiosity and excitement. You open your wallet and in the main pocket you find a small folded piece of paper. Upon unfolding it, you see a message written in a familiar hand. Written in red ink are the words “I love you” with a tiny heart drawn in the corner of the paper.

You suddenly feel a large hand gently land on your shoulder and you look up from the message in your hands to find Floyd’s face right in front of yours. You softly gasp from surprise but with his hand on your shoulder you can’t step back. His face is so close you can almost count his eyelashes and you find yourself tracing the sloping lines of his eyes with your gaze. Looking at his odd colored eyes, one bright and one dark, you feel as if you’re simultaneously looking at the morning and evening sky. It’s a confusing yet exhilarating kind of feeling.

Floyd laughs softly and flashes you an easygoing grin. “So what do you think, Shrimpy? Did I surprise you?”

[aurorangen]

Character Asks!

TYSM for tagging me @mdshh @simvanie! Honestly, Renee would be all of them, but these are the sims I think of straight after.

🎬 Which OC is the first at a movie theater opening night for a movie they've been excited for?

RIKUUU!!!! He loves to stay on top of the latest trends, especially movies. If someone asks if he's seen xyz YUP I'VE SEEN IT! Riku would enthuse about the film (and hype it up) and as someone who radiates lots of energy, he'd make you want to see it! Those tickets would be purchased as soon as it's available and ofc he'd buy one for his best bud Oscar. Also being first there is great for him to claim the good seats to get the best experience.

🤔 Which OC is the pickiest?

I know you've hardly seen Nancy, but she is the pickiest. She is a chef, a perfectionist chef, so she'd definitely be picky with food. It's not with being a picky eater but with presentation, execution, and taste. It all has to be done up to the highest standards!

😣 Which OC is the most stubborn?

Actually both Renee and Robbie are stubborn siblings, but let's talk about Robbie! Refuses to listen to others, does what he wants, is not very open-minded at all, and always wants to prove that he's right. Well, this attitude stemmed from his childhood, with his sister overshadowing him, and then feeling like a failure. He finds his own way to stand up for himself and being mean/stubborn acts as a protective shield to hide his insecurities. Robbie is working on communicating better and listening to others tho.

💪 Which OC looks like a pushover, but could actually kick someone's butt?

Now this is definitely Renee. She's only small but she can kick your ass!! Both with words and feet haha!! In my head, there is a time skip from when she graduated to being a detective and during that time she received extensive police training like defence, firearms and combat. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE MY SWEET RENEE!!!!

✨ Which OC is most likely to excitedly talk about hobbies?

This is Oscar! Out of him and Riku, he's the more reserved guy and I see him as an outgoing introvert. When it comes to his hobbies, he does not shy away and talks animatedly about them! From snowboarding to music, rock climbing to traveling, his life is full of adventure and he loves to share everything!

I'm very late to this but I'd love to see your answers @druidberries 💜

[welldonekhushi]

Crime and Punishment: Incorrect Quotes

I would never stop thinking about this novel. I never will. So here I bless you with some incorrect quotes that I wrote on our beloved characters! Hope you like it!

Porfiry, giving a whole damn monologue throughout the novel:

Raskolnikov, internally resisting the urge to not bring his axe out again: .. you're all good, Rodya. You're all good.

---------------------------

Raskolnikov, talking about Luzhin: I said, that I don't think that he's good for you!

Dunya: How do you know what's good for me?

Raskolnikov, in an outburst: That's my OPINION!

Dunya, shocked:

Pulcheria, confused:

Razumikhin: .. oh.

---------------------------

Raskolnikov: I might have to beat someone up just to get rid of all this blind fury.

Razumikhin: Oh, wow..

Raskolnikov: Now I feel pretty sorry for the next guy who looks at me funny.

Razumikhin: Hm.. what about that guy?

Raskolnikov, turns around to see Porfiry smiling at him sinisterly:

Raskolnikov, faints and passes out: Bozhe moy—

---------------------------

Luzhin: Yup, sometimes you got to beat the ladies off with a stick!

Luzhin, swinging his stick: Back woman! Back, I said!

---------------------------

Sonya: Ha! Footprints in the sand.. but then you turn around and see another set. Cause Jesus was with you, all along.

Camera pans to the next person beside her: .. but my name is Raskolnikov?

---------------------------

Svidrigailrov, when he kills his own wife so he can marry Dunya but gets rejected after getting almost shot by her:

Svidrigailrov: Well, guess I'll die? *shrugs with the gun in his hand*

---------------------------

Raskolnikov: I'm Napoleon. I'm a hero. I'm strong. I'm brave. I did something for society and humanity. Why should I be —

The old artisan: You're a murderer.

Raskolnikov, walks away: Nope. I'm not Napoleon. I'm a failure. I've been sinned. Sorry Mama. Sorry Dunya. *soon faints in between*

---------------------------

Luzhin, exists:

Raskolnikov: How dare you breathe in our presence?!

Luzhin: Then am I not supposed to breathe? Why don't you do the same?

Raskolnikov: At least I'd be happy to die knowing you died with me too. *flips off at him*

---------------------------

Alyona, lying on the floor dead:

Raskolnikov, stares at her dead body: .. well shit.

Raskolnikov, making a cool pose: But at least I've got that money!

---------------------------

Fyodor Dostoevsky, creates Crime and Punishment:

Me, travelling back in time, and bowing down next to him: Thank you for writing such an amazing book. It changed my life.

Fyodor: But I just wrote this book about human suffering?

[jj-maybanks-daughter]

Jj x daughter where she is suicidal? Very angst and fluffy in the end maybe sorry if that’s too dark

I did it like she has severe OCD and it makes her do stuff like thay, I'm if thats what your looking for but I don't really know how to write it any other way... Hope you still like it

"y/n, time for breakfast!" Jj shouted through the halls

Y/n rolled her eyes and crawled out of bed, yawning and scratching her head. She looked around and saw her window was open.

She walked to the window to shut it but something sudden came to her mind "if you don't slam the window, someones gonna sneak in and steal you" she hated the feeling but something just made her have thoights like that. Like the devil on her shoulder.

She shut her eyes and slammed the window down, causing it to make the house shutter a little.

"what did I tell you about slamming things?!?" Jj yelled from the kitchen

"Sorry.... I didn't mean to..." She yelled back. She walked to the kitchen to see the pogues sitting at the table and couch.

"hey y/n/n" Sarah smiled as y/n trudged to the hallway

smile or shell hate you y/n flashed her a smile back, washing her hands and going to sitbat the countertop

"Here you are" jj slid the pancakes to her down the counter. She grabbed the syrup. She poured some on her plate.

Keep going or its poison. She gulped as she continued to pour the syrup, the stares from the pogues not going unnoticed

Stop she quickly stood the syrup back up right and placed it back on the counter. She put her head down staring at all the syrup. She grabbed her fork and started cutting it up

Its gotta be perfect she skillfully cut the pancakes in even squares.

Chew five times or you'll choke She chewed her pancakes, counting to five as the rest of the pogues talk behind her.

"Y/n, you wanna surf with us today?" John b asked as he put his plate in the sink.

"Uhhhhh" say no or they'll drown "no I'm ok" she smiled to him and put her fork down carefully.

There were three more squares of pancakes left. She was full but she couldn't leave three, it didn't make sense to leave three.

She picked up her fork again and stuffed the rest in her mouth, still taking five bites of each.

Usally her OCD wasn't this bad, but she was on her period. It always made it 10 times worse than usual. She didn't know she had ocd, she didnt even know what it was. She thought everyone had the little voice in theor head.

She washed her hands and started washing her dishes, carefully going in between each prong on the fork with the new sponge. She washed her hands again after, drying them with a paper towel.

She opened the drawer with the utensils and quickly noticed that a fork was mixed in with the spoons. She clenched her jaw and moved it to where it was supposed to go. She smiled down at the masterpiece that was the utensil order.

"we are gonna head out. The waves are great now. You sure you don't wanna come?" Jj asked looking out the window to the waves

" yup, I'm good" she assured as she put her dishes away.

"See ya later, y/n" kid shouted as they walked ouside.

Y/n huffed a tired sigh and looked around the room. The amount of random stuff and trash around made her blood boil. She picked up the clothes and put them in a hamoer, threw away the trash, and finished cleaning the whole house.

A few hours later they came back, wet of seawater and talking and laughing loudly. They threw their stuff just like they always did. They didn't noticed she cleaned even though it was like a different house.

She came behind them and picked everything they dropped back up. She organized it how its supposed to be and went back to her perfect room

She walked in noticing the bed wasn't made. She flipped put. How do you do all that stuff around the house and can't make your bed. What a failure. She grabbed her head and layer down on the bed, hitting it with frustration AA few times. She caught her breath after her fit and made her bed perfectly. She noticed the razor on her dresser and how it wasn't where it was supposed to be. Cut yourself or your dad will die

She had tears in her eyes as she pulled her bracelets off, placing them o the dresser. She cut her wrists. Again. Again. Again.Again. again.you can't stop at six, do it again. Again. Again.again.again

She sobbed looking at the ten marks on her wrists. Five or each side. It hurt like hell, but she couldn't stop. She just couldnt.

"Y/n/n?" She heard her dads voice from behind the closed door. "Y/n can I come in?" She looked around her room to find something to cover her wrists witj. She couldn't disappoint her dad.

"n-no" she ccried out. She got her blood on her carpet, making her freak out. "This isn't how its supposed to be, this isn't right its all dirty and-and" she was rambling on about the carpet as jj listened in to her talking to herself.

Touch the cornerbof the dresser or it'll get everywhere else she put both of her hands to the dresser and she saw the doorknob rattle, making her panick. But she couldn't walk away or clean it up if she couldn't move her hands from the dresser. At that point she had blood on her wrists, hands, dresser,carpet, and clothes. She hated it.

A few seconds later, jj was in her room, staring at the scene before him. "What's going on?" He asked confused

"Npthing" she sniffeled, making it so he couldn't see her hands on the dresser.

"whys there blood on your carpet?" He pointed to the carpet to get a closer look.

Deny, deny, demy "uhh i uhh... I dont know" she shrugged looking down at jj as blood dripped behind her.

"don't lie to me, y/n. Shy is there blood on the carpet" he asked.sternly, attention fully on y/n

"It been there"

"No it hasnt. Its wet and shit if it wasn't fresh Itd bbe dry"

She started sobbing from the pressure, finally letting go of the dresser behind her.

Jj gasped "whyd you do that?" He asked, with her hand in his, as he.examined the cuts.

"Because"

"Because why? I mean I could've helped you, you didn't need to do that, babe"

"The little voice in my head told me to"

"You can't listen to that i...I dont know-"

She cut him off "it said you would die if I didn't, dad" she cried into his shirt

"What? I.wait what else has it said"

"I-i don't know like don't go surfing or you'll drown and crap I don't know"

"how long as it been doing that?" He asked hugging her tightly

"Forever" she scoffed

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought it was normal" she said in a question ing voice,.raising an eyebrow

"I think you have OCD" he whispered go her as she sniffed

"What's that"

"Ill get pope. He'll know that shit"

She giggled as he went to gef pope.

A few minutes later all the pogues entered the room. Sarah had the first aid kit in her hand and started next to y/n on the floor, giving her a smike.

"I read about it once. Its like an anxiety form where you get unreasonable thoughts and fears. You like try to deal with them by doing certain things that come to your head, like the dresser thing" y/n winced as.Sarah cleaned the cuts "sorry"

"reasoning doesn't help with it so you get put on medication to help" pope further explained.

"well then where did it come from?" John b asked as he sat on the bed watching sarah.

"They dont know. Possibly genetics, Brain abnormalitys, living environment, they don't know."

"what do we do about it?" Jj grunted from scrubbing the carpet

"Antidepressant s or anti anxiety medications, but it needs to be prescribed"

"Do we take her to her dkctor?" John b asks

"yup"

Sarah finished cleaning up y/n and grabbed her a pack of ice to numb the pain a little.

"Thanks guys..." Y/n looked down

"Sure kid, just want to make sure your good." Jj hugs her and they all join in.

Theygot her a prescription and checked up on her often. The thoughts mostly went away. She could do stuff without having to make sure it was absolutely perfect and she didn't have to wash her hands a million times a day. She still washed them often tho

Sorry it was not in fact proof read. I'm really tired while writing this so please have mercy 🙏

[parsheliii]

Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria

"Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza... Err... This is your first night isn't it Great-"

"George, that's the wrong one"

"What?"

"That's the wrong script, you are reading the wrong one!"

"Uh...Oh! I see now, this one?"

"Yup"

"K...

Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria! Where all dreams come true!

Come enjoy a slide of pizza with all your family and friends while listening some fancy music from the Fazbear's Band! Or hearing some curious stories at the Pirate Cove.

Alfred Fazbear, the leader of the band, with Benjamin Babier, our guitarrist, will be the waiters that will assist you when their performance is over, they will be the ones to bring all your wants and needs.

Chanelle Cairo, our sweet vocalist, will also be the chef and cook, the pizza's recipe hasn't changed in decades, the main creator being Alfred's father, Dock Fazbear.

...

I gotta add that Freddy doesn't know how to cook and he is a fucking failure to his family, even his sister was the chef in her own pizzeria back then, how can you be the only one that can't even fry an egg, Fazbear??"

"Keep. Reading. The. F*cking. Script"

"...And last things last, Felix Farley, being our storyteller, is also our delivery, you will get your pizza in a blink of an eye if you use our delivery services!

Being said, the bear here himself, George Kietzman, will be the one taking your phone calls and orders by calling 1-800-083, don't forget delivery services is just for night time!

Afternoon phone orders will have to be taken in the pizzeria's location.

Other things to let you know:

• Fazbear's Band perform every monday to thursday from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m., so write that down in your schedules and don't miss it!

• Pirate's Cove is exclusive for saturday nights and birthday parties, so don't forget to book your next birthday party at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria to enjoy some new stories from our beloved pirate fox!

• Friday nights are the perfect nights for YOU to perform! Come over and show all your talent, or just have some fun at the karaoke with your friends while singing the songs of your choice!

• We are closed on sundays, so we will be seeing you on mondays back again!

That's it, how did I do?"

"...Could have been better"

____________________________________

Endless Show At Freddy's is based on the characters and story from Five Nights At Freddy's, owned by Scott Cawthon.

The story and characters are REALLY different. It includes a lot kind of relationships and ideas that aren't canon in game, but they are in this AU, if you aren't happy with them, I'm not going to change them just 'cause of ya', so keep your words.

The same goes with some characters' genders and designs, they might change from the original character, just because! For the fun of it :]

Who is who? Here is a short list:

Freddy Fazbear→ Alfred "Freddy" Fazbear

Bonnie The Bunny→ Benjamin "Ben" Babier

Chica The Chicken → Chanelle Cairo

Foxy The Pirate Fox→ Felix Farley

Golden Freddy→ George Frederick Kietzman

Notes:

• Mr. Cupcake is Chanelle's pet, he is a chihuahua. He doesn't work there, I just wanted to show how Chica's cupcake looks like in my AU

• If you have been here long enough, George still has ear piercings, but in this reff sheet I couldn't add them because they are in his other ear (this is mostly a note for myself, because I will probably forget lol)

• Felix has another outfit when he works as the delivery, I just preferred to show him with his pirate clothes, I don't want anyone confused by 'why doesn't he have pirate clothes???" I'll do an individual reff just for his delivery clothes, including Chanelle, she also has another clothes while cooking, i'm not going to let her cook with that cute dress!

[iridescent-solstice]

“ 𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝? ”

Congratulations to the lucky winners of yesterday's competition!!

There were multiple people who got all the words correct, but alas there can only be so many winners. Thank you again to everyone who participated. Even if there's only 3 . . . er 4 winners, it's only because I saw everyone have so much fun with my puzzle that i'm motivated to plan out more events like this in future. The interactions in the comments made me giggle ngl, because I did throw in some traps, and I was delighted to see people muse over them 🙆🏻‍♀️

Now without further ado, here are the results ⏬ 🥇@@casioo 🥈 @orikuu 🥉 @cinsilly!!

But wait . . . didn't I mention 4 winnners? Yup you're right! There is a 4th winner and its @muriels-brainrot. Not only were you, @muriels-brainrot , the first to respond but you also got EVERY SINGLE word, even the trap ones. The only reason you didn't win was because you forgot the last official one: mask . . . Seriously how did you do that, and so quickly too haha

I'm very curious to know how the experience of the event was so, if anyone is willing to offer feedback . . . i'd be happy to hear it in my dms. If you didn't win this time, but wanted one of the prizes, worry not because there will be more opportunities in like these in the distant future! I hope to see you there as well

(Winners keep reading to find out the rules when requesting, prizes available, and HOW to contact me for to claim them)

In order to claim the prize please contact me in my dms 🙆🏻‍♀️✨ But do read the information below first!

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐬:

┈➤ A long fic dedicated to the winner. Can be an idea they'd like to be more fleshed out or something else if they prefer. ┈➤ A custom made banner for their blog. Can be edited to an aesthetic they prefer, or be centred around a character (limited to the arcana characters for now) ┈➤ A ꜱɴᴇᴀᴋᴘᴇᴀᴋ into a future project i'm planning that no one knows about . . . yet

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬:

⤳ In the events of the winner choosing the first prize, please note that I will not write NSFW. Best case scenario, it'll be hinted at towards the end but not more than that. ⤳ In the events of a winner choosing the third prize, you are not allowed to disclose any details about the project before I do. (Obviously the surprise is sometimes part of the experience of these projects) ⤳ It took a long time to make this puzzle. A lot more work than I initially imagined so a) Don't copy and repost b) criticism for my editing is appreciated, but only if it's constructive. Otherwise refrain. c) Do give credit if you use the banner, just so people can find my blog and take part in future challenges. ⤳ If I take longer than necessary, it's just so I can give you the best version of my work possible! So, regardless of whatever prize the winner chooses, rest assured I won't stop until you're satisfied with the end product.

WARNING: Failure to comply with my rules and regulations will lead to getting banned from future competitions.

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @mysticstarlightduck!

OC Deep Dive 🦾🎀

Let's do a two for one with Astra and Mashal :)

What uncommon/common fear do they have?

Hm, that's a tough one. Astra doesn't scare easily when it comes to physical things. I'd say failure is a big fear of hers, or letting down the people she loves.

It's bugs. Ignoring all the existential stuff, Mashal is terrified of bugs. Spiders especially, but anything that crawls makes him uncomfortable. The other big one is losing his humanity.

Do they have any pet peeves?

People who talk down to her will set Astra off like a firecracker. She's had more than enough of that in her time. People who are willing ignorant also piss her off, especially if that ignorance hurts others.

As a former army brat, Mashal does get a little tetchy around messy spaces. He won't get on people about it, but he will clean up unprompted. He also can't stand bullies or anyone who hurts people for their own gain.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

A full chemistry set, lots of scrap fabric, and way too many fancy pillows.

He doesn't sleep, so he doesn't have a bedroom, but if he did, it would have a sketchbook, some candles he can stare at while meditating, and a few practice swords hung on the wall.

What do they notice first in a person?

Their clothes, I'd say. Astra can tell a lot about a person by what they wear and how they care for their garments. Also, their sense of fashion can be telling.

I think as an artist, Mashal picks up on unique features first. A crooked jaw, especially beautiful eyes, an unusual expression - anything that makes someone stand out. Consequently, he's also just good at remembering faces in general.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

A six, but she thinks it's a nine. She also carries the fantasy equivalent of those berserker mushrooms at all times, so if she's hurt, she'll do drugs about it and keep going.

He has no sense of pain as a robot, but if he's ever returned to his human form, it's gonna be a rude awakening the first time he stubs his toe on something.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? (I'm also including freeze and fawn)

It kinda depends. If her friends are with her, she'll tend towards fight. If she's alone though, she often freezes up.

Fight, all the way. In moments of stress, Mashal's brain will all but shut off as he starts swinging.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

Astra's family is just her and her two moms, but she loves them dearly. Every cent she makes goes towards paying off their debtor contracts, and she writes them frequently.

Mashal doesn't remember his family. He assumes his parents are alive and he's pretty sure he has an older brother, but anything more than that is a mystery. He hopes to find them someday once he's human again.

What animal represents them best?

I'm tempted to go with a black cat solely because she's a witch, but I feel like she's more high energy than that. In that case, maybe some sort of monkey? Clever, curious, loud, and a little vicious.

A horse, I think. Some sort of retired warhorse that likes to run and nuzzle your hair, but will kick if you get too close.

What is a smell that they dislike?

Formaldehyde. It gives her headaches.

He has no sense of smell :(

Have they broken any bones?

Yup. She broke her arm at the end of book one and has broken a few fingers in the past when she wasn't careful enough with her tinkering.

He has no bones :(

(Mashal doesn't remember, but as a boy, he did fracture his skull when he fell down a flight of stairs. He also broke the same ankle twice during sparring. His squad did tease him for this.)

How would a stranger likely describe them?

"Oh gods, what an outfit she had! I don't think I've ever seen that many colors on one garment, and she must've sewn half the ribbons from here to Yewbury into the lining. The embroidery was fantastic. It was loud enough you hardly noticed the woman wearing it. She was pretty short, I think. I wanna say she was mixed Skolander and Shuari, given the dark curls and blue eyes. Her skin was kind of an amber brown, but she had these pale splotches under her eyes and mouth. Vitiligo, I think? Her makeup was also quite loud, but somehow matched the outfit. There was just a lot going on there, in general."

"Damn, I don't think I've ever seen a robot in these parts. The fucker was huge, had to be close to seven feet tall. Kinda scary looking, to be honest, with those glowing white eyes. But, I don't know, he seemed nice. His face didn't seem like it moved much, but he looked like he was smiling. He was wearing very heavy clothing with a bandana over his head. The only bronze uncovered was his face and hands. I would've thought he was sick in the head wearing such heavy clothes in this heat, except, well, I guess a robot wouldn't care about that."

Are they a night owl or an early bird?

Very much a night owl, verging on actual insomnia. Getting up before 11 is a herculean trial.

He doesn't sleep, but if he did, he'd be an early bird. Man is ready for bed at 9:30 sharp.

What is a flavour they hate and a flavour they love?

Astra hates the taste of rice. As a kid, that was basically all she had to eat in the summers and she would frequently come down with pellagra because she was so malnourished. A flavor she loves is barbecue. She's from the fantasy south, so I think this one is self-explanatory.

He has no sense of taste, but from vibes alone, he knows he definitely has a sweet tooth.

Do they have any hobbies?

Really, she's good with any type of fiber art, but Astra loves to embroider. All her clothes sport little bits of embroidery. I'm also going to say magic because she loves it even though it's her job.

Mashal enjoys art, usually with a pencil, but he branches out into paint sometimes. He also likes to read. Any genre is fine, so long as it's fiction and not too dark. I feel like he'd love anime if it existed on Illaros for some reason.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises?

She'd definitely jump, then complain about why it had to be a secret because she already knew what she wanted to do for her birthday. Even so, she would be very appreciative of the effort.

Mashal has no idea when his birthday is, so it'd be a double surprise for him if someone popped out and declared that today's the day. After making sure they're not just fucking with him, he'd get quite teary (not actually, but the vibe is there), thank them profusely, and spend the rest of the night being told to sit down and quit trying to take care of things, this is your party, damnit!

Do they like to wear jewelry?

Yes. Astra always has some earrings on and frequently wears rings and bracelets. Most of this is costume jewelry.

Gold jewelry is very important in Sulu'Okan culture, so he definitely would, he just can't afford any right now.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Surprisingly neat. She writes in full, founding father cursive.

Surprisingly messy. He tends towards chicken scratch.

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Indignation and the desire to help.

Protectiveness and fury.

Do they have a favourite fabric?

Astra could rank every fabric ever on a numbered scale, but I think her all-time favorite is satin.

He honestly has no opinion on this, so he'd probably just say satin also. My man doesn't know burlap from chiffon, give him a break.

What kind of accent do they have?

Lol, read any of her dialog and it's obvious. Astra has a strong southern accent, more similar to a Georgia drawl than some Texas twang.

Honestly, Mashal is my one character that I feel has no accent (aka same accent as me), so I guess upper south. He does speak very softly, though, and has a bit of a stutter at times. His voice also tends to go static when he yells.

I'll tag @willtheweaver @theink-stainedfolk @kaylinalexanderbooks @nczaversnick @watermeezer and anyone else who wants to play :)

[jonathanrogersartist]

Anyone else irritated by how both the lovers and haters of The Last Jedi seem to totally miss the point of the ending of Luke's storyline in that film? Haters ignore that Luke redeems himself for his mistakes and goes out with an epic final act that reaffirms the value of mythic stories and why we need heroes, and thus is an explicitly pro-Jedi moral. So Luke's whole story is about him rejecting the cynicism of old age and failure, and snaps out of that insufferable attitude that tries to paint all sides as equally bastardly. It's a story about WHY the fundamental ethos of Star Wars, the dichotomy of genuine good vs absolute evil represented by the Jedi as avatars of ultimate love, and the Sith/Snoke/Whatever as avatars of ultimate hate, is eternally relevant and something we need for spiritual nourishment during dark times. And.... the lovers ignore this too. They tend to latch onto Luke's bitter words from earlier in the movie about how the Jedi were a corrupt and hypocritical institution that needs to end. These kinds of people are passionately anti-Jedi, and LOOOOOOOOOOVE that for a few minutes, a canon SW movie was saying that they all suck. They also unironically take Kylo Ren's 'let the past die' mantra at face value and think that THIS is the moral of that movie. They look at the messages of past Star Wars with a kind of preening disgust, seeing it as childish and one-note at best, damaging and corrupting for society at large, at worst. It is what I'm going to call 'Knight Templar Syndrome.' I speculate that they think old things are automatically dumb or ignorant or worthless, and can only see it through the lens of 'how can I make this so irredeemably problematic in my brain, so that my rejection of it is therefore morally right, and makes me feel like a great person?' So of course, the Jedi as a representation of the wisdom and value of certain 'traditions' were doomed to be targeted by such transparently performative people. And for the first two hours of TLJ, these fans were having the time of their fuckin life. I am also pretty sure I've seen some posts where they take Yoda's words at the burning tree extremely literally, and think that entire scene is also about the need to destroy the past (the literal burning imagery does kinda give this impression at face-value, to be fair), and that Yoda's advice to Luke is "Move forward and never look back," when he is ACTUALLY saying "Move forward with all that you have learned, the good and bad, and make sure the good parts live on." It's little wonder then, that TLJ diehards are completely convinced that Rise of Skywalker ignored/insulted/changed everything about their darling. If they thought Last Jedi was about the need for an ideological scorched-earth, only to then watch Rise be about the reconciliation of the past with the future, then yup, their vicious reaction to it, rife with conspiracy theories, demonization of JJ and Terrio, etc. makes sense.