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femdomlieeh · 4 years ago

Text

Pulling them into your lap in front of friends

Subby!A.C.E x Dom!Reader

WARNING—pda ✧ (playful) teasing ✧ titles/ pet names

NOW PLAYING—Best of My Love ✧ The Emotions

[A/N.] only fluff this month lmao

M.LISTS—random idols/groups ✧ latest updates

✧ ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ✧ ੈ ✧

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒋𝒖𝒏𝒉𝒆𝒆 (𝑗𝑢𝑛)

Junhee would be so embarrassed and proud at once. Embarrassed at the sudden act of affection in front of other people and proud at the courage you had. His natural instinct would be to become visibly flustered at the exposure, but at the same time love the attention from you. The fact that his girlfriend pulls him into her lap would make him feel like she's proud of being with him, and wants to show him off. It'd feel like it was your way of showing others that he's yours and that you love it. Prince wouldn't mind it at all, although he'd most likely get teased by his friends — he's already used to being teased by his members all the time so it isn't something foreign to him. This is a thing he'd love to get teased about. Sitting on Mommy's lap would be like sitting on his throne. Only Prince Junhee belongs there.

His face became red and his smile widened when you pulled him into your lap in front of his friends and their salads.

The moment you whispered Babyboy — one of his favorite nicknames — in his ear he hid his face in your neck, embarrassed and warm.

“Mommy, please~” he pleaded in a sweet, small voice.

“Please what?”

He whined aloud, not sure what he actually wanted, and hid his face in your neck as a bad attempt to cover up his shyness.

In the future, he'll still act flustered with showing affection in front of friends, but in reality he loves doing it. Both claiming you him and his friends witnessing it will make him thrilled. Call him Babyboy in front of others all you want, he'll be giggly and proud that you show that he's yours.

... ✧ ...✧✧✧✧

𝒍𝒆𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒖𝒏

Donghun would feel confident and immediately get cocky. Your move is to him a validation that you want him close to you and want to keep him there. And when it's for other people to see he knows that you're proud of being with him. With a bigger ego he'd say something to push it further, like calling you Mommy to see if you'll go as far as calling him Babyboy. If you don't he might get a little disappointed, but continue calling you Mommy until you give him what he wants. So when you do call him that, his satisfaction would be clearly evident in both his expression and actions as he smirks and gets touchier than before and addresses you as Mommy only. He'd be cute and soft the whole day to emphasize that he likes it.

“Mommy,” he said out loud shamelessly on your lap.

“Yes, Babyboy?”

“Nothing,” he giggled, only wanting to hear you call him that, and kissed your cheek right in front of everyone.

Whenever he feels like it he'll straddle you, so he can hug you at the same time as he gives you affectionate kisses here and there, and then just rest his head on your shoulder, while you're facing either the TV or some familiar, embarrassed faces. The way he just makes his way towards you and plumps his butt on your lap with no care in the world will never fail to be mesmerizing. He's such a Mommy's Babyboy. But a savage one. Whispers of your name will be heard by you and only you, just to get you in your feelings in front of others without them knowing at all. You got his full attention and he's got yours.

✧... ✧ ...✧✧✧

𝒌𝒊𝒎 𝒔𝒆𝒉𝒚𝒐𝒐𝒏 (𝑤𝑜𝑤)

Sehyoon's heart would skip a beat and his smile would make an appearance. This was the type of relationship he's always wanted so this would be a huge step of you for him. The way he views you would be completely different from before. In a good way. He would show his appreciation in a casual way to not make it seem like it's a big deal, even though it is for him, since he wants it to become a habit rather than a once-in-while type of thing. Although his actions might come off as a little cold this Angel would be blushing on the inside the entire time.

“Babyboy,” you put your hands on his muscular thighs as he was sitting on yours.

He smiled without looking at you, to not show his glee.

“Yes, Mommy,” he replied softly and put his head on your chest.

“I love you.”

“I love you more, Mommy.”

He'll call you Mommy in front of his friends and sit on you whenever you pull him into your lap, or ask him to sit there, because he's a good boy and he listens to your every command. Mommy knows best. Having the courage to initiate the cozy intimacy will be rare for this Angel as he wouldn't want to come off as too clingy. And he'll want to see how often you want it. Although he might not sit on your lap without you asking him to he'll still think it's one of his favorite things to do with you. If he ever does it in front of others out of the blue it's either because he's jealous and wants to mark his territory or because you've done it so many times that he finally feels comfortable to take the first step.

✧✧... ✧ ...✧✧

𝒌𝒊𝒎 𝒃𝒚𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒘𝒂𝒏

Byeongkwan would love it. No doubt. This is something he's wanted to do since before your relationship even began. Affection is — according to him — one of the best parts of a relationship, and so if his girlfriend isn't afraid of displaying it in public he'd feel relieved that you're both on the same page on the matter. He's a very loving guy and would want his partner to reciprocate what he gives. This action in particular is one that he likes a little bit more, since it feels safe and cozy. And when you add his nickname into the mix you have a soft Babyboy. He'd act all lovey-dovey and call you Mommy any chance he got. If he touches you more it's because he's happy with you and just wants to feel you.

You pulled him onto your thighs and left your hands on his, “My Babyboy.”

He comfortably rested his head in your neck with a joyful pout, “My Mommy.”

After a few minutes he might be snoring.

When you're casually sitting by yourself he'll come and change it. He'll sit on your lap more often than actual couches if you guys have company. His friends'll say something along the lines of 'There's legit two empty seats left' and he'll just shrug and ignore the dumb proposition. Of course he'll sit on you instead of a soft mattress clad in fabric. Mommy's thighs are softer. And the atmosphere between you is the softest you can possibly have when you're doing PDA in front of a group of friends. If you don't call him Babyboy he'll sulk and not answer until you address him correctly. If he's feeling extra he'll even ignore you. 'Has anyone seen my Mommy?'

✧✧✧... ✧ ...✧

𝒌𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒖𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏 (𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛)

Yuchan would be so shy and cute a kitten would get jealous. His face would be blushing instantaneously and his smile would be on display in a split second. You'd be able to see in his eyes how much he likes it — which is a lot. His heart would flutter in love and he wouldn't be able to hide it. Babyboy probably didn't expect such an action in front of his friends and certainly not his title either. But showing everyone you're together would only make him cheerful and thankful for being with you. The blush'd never leave his face and neither would the smile. If his friends tease him about his shy antics he'd only use that as an excuse to hide in your chest or neck, and maybe stay there.

“Mommyyyyy, what are you doing to me?” he whined cutely so only you could hear, both happy and embarrassed.

“What do you mean, Babyboy?”

His face brightened up and he hid it in his hands, giggling to himself.

“Stop~” he blushed and hid in your safe embrace.

Soon he'd start sitting on your lap without you asking him or telling him to. More than less when you're alone, because it makes him feel adorable and loved. This fluffy boy will just randomly sit on your lap and give a quick peck on your skin, because he wants one in return. If you continue calling him Babyboy in front of his friends you'll probably notice how it lightens his face, since it's hard to not spot Chanshine. He will start initiating all types of intimate acts he can think of and get more comfortable with talking about you to other people. His happiness will grow in the process.

✧✧✧✧... ✧ ...

❝ My life has a better meaning

Love has kissed me in a beautiful way ❞

—wanda hutchinson; 1977

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restlessmaknae · 4 years ago

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stars are bright but only because of the dark

The truth of the past events unfolds after four years when Yuchan and Haerim suddenly meet again.

♦ Characters: uni student!Yuchan x uni student!OC (Haerim)

♦ Genre: real life bittersweet, slice of life

♦ Words: 5.9k

♦ Warning: mentions of bullying (not by Yuchan or the OC; OC is the victim)

♦ A/N: This story is my fictional take on some personal events. Hope you know that there will always be someone who believes in the validity of your pain. 💖

♦ Click here to be added to the TAGLIST and to let me know about your fic preferences. 💖

A hostile breeze of air swept across the little pathway between the different buildings on campus. As Haerim walked across the street to get to the little corner store that students like her frequented between breaks, she pulled the knitted scarf tighter around her neck. Usually, she didn’t have problems with colder weather because she preferred cold over heat, but she didn’t like winter for the memories it had always brought back.

She tried her best to shield her eyes from the snowy raindrops that welcomed students after the class, putting the hood of her coat above her head as extra protection. She walked swiftly yet carefully, planning to grab some lunch in the store before heading back to another class of hers under 20 minutes.

She let out a sigh in relief when she stepped over the threshold of the little store, thankful for the friendlier climate that welcomed her inside. As it wasn’t her first time there, she knew where to go and how to get there; she headed to the bakery section she had always gone to, searching for her favourite sandwich, only to find out that they had already been out of stock. With a slight disapproving flinch, she started looking for other options, her original plan thrown out of the window. She liked plans, she liked sticking to them, so having to change her plans didn’t exactly make her happy.

After she had grabbed an egg sandwich from the shelf, the guy beside her almost bumped into her when she turned around, and exchanging a glance, it was her automatic response to bow and say sorry. The guy did the same, but his eyes widened in the next minute.

“Oh my gosh! Haerim, hi! It’s been so long! How are you?” he asked joyfully, sandwiches long forgotten.

It took Haerim a moment to put the sight in front of her together with a familiar face from the past: Kang Yuchan. They had gone to the same middle school before she had gone to a different high school than the one that would have been the continuation of her middle school studies under the same institute, just the high school level of it. He had been the jokester of the class, knowing everyone and trying to befriend everyone. He hadn’t been a particularly smart student, but even teachers had liked him for his wits, so he had usually managed to avoid being reprimanded.

There was one more thing though that Kang Yuchan had been memorable for her: he had audibly told her that he had had a crush on her, and he had acted accordingly, gifting her with gifts sometimes and taking a seat beside her during lunches. The only problem had been that despite the fact that Yuchan had always been a good guy, Haerim couldn’t have reciprocated his feelings. She hadn’t even learned how to love herself back then, so how could she have loved someone else?

“I’m good. How are you?” She quirked an eyebrow in question after she had managed to pull herself back together. All those flashbacks came crashing down like waves, and the same old suffocating feeling was about to overcome her before she could snap herself back to the present, the reality.

“Uni’s been kicking my butt, but I guess that’s what I get for going to my friends’ band’s concerts instead of studying at a normal, humane time,” Yuchan blabbered, excited as always. Despite the matured features of his, the lack of braces, the contact lenses instead of the rounded glasses and the slightly longer curls, he had the same boyish smile, the same exaggerated way of speaking, and the same deep laughter. It’s like time had stopped, except for his appearance.

“Are you in university, too, right? Which major?” Yuchan continued speaking, his eyes widening in curiosity.

“Yeah, I’m studying Psychology.”

“Oh, sounds interesting! I’ve thought you would go for sciences. You were really good at them,” he recalled with a slight pout, scratching the back of his neck as if he had been trying to remember if she had had anything to do with Psychology back then. He wouldn’t find anything anyways, so she decided to save him.

“I guess I was.” She shrugged her shoulders with a slightly forced smile, trying to avert the topic, but Yuchan - like the overexcited boy he was - didn’t seem to notice her slight discomfort, and decided to push forward.

“Are you kidding me?” he exclaimed, earning a glance from a grumpy guy who was passing them by. She shot the stranger an apologetic smile, not like it would have mattered anyway. “You were the top of the class in Biology, Science, Physics, Maths and even languages. I’ve never met anyone who was more hard-working than you,” he remarked in awe, and despite his words indicating his respect towards her, she felt small and vulnerable instead. Just like back then. It was the same: he still didn’t see anything - didn’t see behind the interior.

She bobbed her head, signalling that she got his point, but she wished nothing but to leave as soon as possible. Looking down at her watch, she had to realise that it was actually better if she put an end to this conversation if she didn’t want to miss the beginning of her next class.

“Well, I have to go now. One of my classes starts soon,” she explained as she pointed at the cash desk, putting one of her legs in front of the other.

“Wait! You study here?” Yuchan realised a bit belatedly, though it shouldn’t have been that surprising. Their university was the home of a handful of majors with thousands of students, a lot even in one year, so she merely nodded, letting him realise that they indeed studied under the same university.

“Me too,” he pointed out the obvious with a wide grin, but seeing her awkward smile, her previous words finally kicked in. “Yeah, sure, go and pay, but I’ll contact you somehow, okay? We can catch up sometime,” he suggested gleefully, stepping aside, so that she could walk past him.

Haerim nodded, not quite looking forward to that catch up, but she wouldn’t want to voice it out, merely hoping that Yuchan would forget about this encounter as soon as possible. With that thought in mind, she left the shop as quietly as she had come in, the chilly weather welcoming her with open arms and the bittersweet memories of the past.

It turned out that Yuchan didn’t forget about meeting her. He found her on a social media site later that week, messaging her with a few questions and asking when she would be able to meet up to talk in person.

Haerim didn’t really feel like talking to him even though she knew he hadn’t been the one at fault for what had happened back then, and it hadn’t been his fault that he hadn’t seen what had been going on. After all, she herself hadn’t known what she had experienced. It had been as if she had been living underwater, and she hadn’t realised that she had been suffocating until she had managed to reach the surface level, finally taking in a deep breath after holding in her breath for so long.

It was just that… he reminded her so much of what she had tried to leave behind, and she was doing so well, she was living her life so freely, and meeting him after four years felt like suddenly getting rid of that plaster that she had oh so carefully put on her scars. Maybe she wasn’t bleeding like the first time, but she felt the pain. Even if she had gotten so used to numbing it, it was back yet again, and it was still hurting.

It wasn’t until she had come across a little post-it note from him when she was rummaging through her old stuff to re-organise her shelves that she decided to give him an answer for meeting up. The note read in the boy’s ever so messy handwriting:

“Good luck on your studies, Haerim! Hope you won’t forget us! Be happy, always!”

After that, they decided on meeting at a café around campus, and if not for the conversation that followed, she surely looked forward to stepping inside the cosy little café for a warm drink because it was freezing cold outside.

One thing she expected was for Yuchan to be late, and indeed, he let her know that he was on his way from a lecture hall, but he would be a bit late, so she sent him a reassuring reply, telling him to take his time (because knowing the boy, he could break a leg or two while trying to get from one place to another), she would wait at a table in the corner. While waiting, she ordered herself a mug of hot chocolate which came just in time with the boy’s arrival. He swiftly asked for a latte, plumping himself down with a huff.

He ruffled his hair, a few snowflakes falling off his chocolate-brown locks in the meantime, his hair sitting messily atop of his head. Despite the state he was in, he wore the biggest, brightest smile, his cheeks exploding as his lips raised upwards.

“It’s so good to see you again,” he started giddily, rubbing his hands together probably due to the cold. As expected, he didn’t wear gloves or even a beanie, a habit of his that she still remembered from their middle school years. Whenever it was cold, he was always missing either his gloves or a scarf or a beanie or really, a combination of the three. He was so forgetful, thus it was extra heartwarming when he remembered bits about her life and habits.

“You too,” she replied, a bit more loosen up than last time. His carefree attitude and the fact that now she was prepared to meet him again helped to put her mind at ease.

“Sorry for being late. I was just caught up talking to one of my friends about the test we have written,” he clarified enthusiastically, his cheeks deepening as he went on.

“How did it go?”

“Ah, not too good,” he replied with a pseudo-awkward laughter, ruffling his hair yet again. His laughter was still the same, she noted. No matter the darkness around her, it had always reminded her of the fresh breath of air that she could breathe in whenever she could head back from school, from the hell it had been. “But anyways, let’s not talk about it! I have better stories to tell.”

And so he kept talking and talking, asking her to tell more about herself in the meantime, and the past feelings of ease and serenity whenever she had been around him came back. She had always known how different he had been; how loud, how energetic, how carefree he had seemed, and if there had been someone who would have been the epitome of an energy ball, it would have been him. That difference didn’t frighten her or made her gloomy this time, it was that difference that made her smile now. He surely didn’t change, and in a world that was constantly changing, and with her thriving for change ever since she had been a kid, it wasn’t that bad to see something that was static.

Drinks long forgotten, the only indicator of the passing time was the sudden brightness that filled the cosy little place as the waiters switched on the lights.

“Are you… really okay?” Yuchan inquired after clearing his throat, his eyes boring into hers. He seemed really concerned in that moment, and Haerim had no idea why he was acting like that so suddenly, their last topic being an incident of him getting on the wrong bus on his first day at SNU, missing his first class terribly.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” She squinted, raising an eyebrow in question. There was something unsettling about the gaze he gave her; as if he would have been cautious to elaborate, but he was never one who thought twice before speaking up.

“It’s just that I met our Biology teacher from middle school a few months ago, and she asked me about you,” he started, fidgeting with the ends of his coat. Something that was suspiciously odd when it came to someone who was as bubbly as him. “And I guess it was supposed to be a secret that you went on to a different high school because you were bullied by Eunbyeol and her friends, but Miss Kim kind of told me about it, and I was so struck. Like, I was around you so many times, and I’ve really thought that you were doing fine, just a bit shy. I wish I could have seen something, anything! But I was even ill when you had that incident that made you turn to our homeroom teacher. I’ve never really liked her, but knowing that she said that it was such childish behaviour, nothing more…” he rambled on and on, his words dripping empathy, guilt and even fear.

Haerim sucked in a deep breath, then let it out in a long sigh. She tried to concentrate on the steady beating of her heart to calm herself down; dum... dum... dum... dum. It was in the past after all: the shadows, the memories, that classroom, her reflection in the mirror of the girls’ bathroom, tears streaming down her face. The shame, the feeling of abandonment, the look on her parents’ face. It was in the past, but still, she felt as if it had been just yesterday, and the incident was haunting her, hovering over her even if she thought she was over it. How could she? Everything she had thought and felt towards her own family and herself had turned completely upside down back then.

“I’m sorry, I should have seen the signs. I messed up,” Yuchan apologised after taking her silence as a bad sign, and seeing how he bit his lip, she felt the need to go against his words.

“And I was messed up, so what’s the difference?”

“No, no, you weren’t! Not at all. They probably just wanted to make you feel that way, but it wasn’t your fault,” he objected fervently, but there was a gentle edge to his words. The way his pitch-black eyes shone oh so fondly triggered an unusually emotional rush of adrenaline going through her body. It wasn’t your fault. Oh, how she wished anyone would have told the teenager Haerim the same! She had been merely tossed to the side, blamed for everything, called a liar, and abandoned. Sometimes actions were weapons, but sometimes words were bombs.

There was a moment of silence when she attempted to avoid his eyes, trying to put herself back together, and then he spoke up in a gentle, quiet voice:

“Why didn’t you tell someone else?” He looked up at her, the sea of his pitch-black eyes beckoning her to open up, to speak up because he would listen. Suddenly, he seemed so much more mature and defined than the once very much childish and irresponsible boy. Back then, she had brushed off his questions because she hadn’t thought that he would care or understand, but now, looking at him, she knew that he meant the best.

It wasn’t your fault.

“Because not even my own mother believed me. How was I supposed to know that I should have pushed this further? My friends betrayed me, the homeroom teacher and my parents didn’t believe me, and we were already close to the high school application period, so I just accepted it,” she explained dryly, her voice lacking any kind of hurt. Why? Because she was so afraid that if she were to show that she was any more vulnerable other than to say it out loud, she would crumble, and she wasn’t ready to take that fall.

So she masked her deepest hurt, the one that had been accompanying her ever since the bullying had come to light, and her parents had voiced out that they hadn’t believed her. That had been the first time in her life that she had doubted her own parents’ trust and love for her. Before, she would have never even dared to question her parents’ affection. After all, they had been the so-called perfect family with parents always showing up at parent-teacher meetings, her and her little sister studying and behaving well, entering competitions, and it had seemed that the children had been given everything: support, love, care and money.

She had also made her believe that; she had thought that if she had just kept on trying to get good grades and to avoid talking back to her parents, she would have been rewarded with the same kind of attention and love than her little sister. She had tried so hard, maybe even too hard at times, and she would have never said that she had had anything less than a perfect family because she had been afraid that if she had done so, she would have been even further from that fantasy that she had been chasing.

Because it had been all just a fantasy, an illusion at its finest, a sick little show that she had been a part of. She had gotten so good at playing the good little girl role that when no one had been there to congratulate her on her acting when she had been vulnerable and fragile for the first time, she had crumbled down.

“Not even your own parents believed you? Gosh, that’s terrible!” Yuchan raised his voice, his fury obvious in the way he pursed his lips. No more cheeky smiles, no more dimpled smiles. “Why didn’t your parents take this seriously though? Are they blind or something?”

Haerim knew that there was no use of denying. Even back then and now, Yuchan didn’t want anything bad for her. In fact, he was the first one to actually believe her since that accident, so it meant a lot to her that he was willing to listen. It was just so damn difficult to explain this, to bring back something that she had thought that she had been able to bury with the old Haerim. Those feelings, those memories, those scars should have been dead alongside the bullied side of hers.

“You know what? You don’t have to tell me. I’ve already asked a lot. It’s personal to you, and I don’t want to see you in pain. Just know that I’m willing to listen. Okay?” Yuchan offered hastily, his eyes darting between the different parts of the room to avoid looking at her. He was seemingly uncomfortable, a bit edgy as well, so she came to the conclusion that it was the best if they left the topic at that for now. She wasn’t ready to talk about it, and he felt bad for asking.

So she cleared her throat and diverted the topic to something else, slowly watching as the boy’s face became painted with more and more colours again, the remains of the previous serene expressions gone alongside the passing minutes, reminding them of the time and the fact that it was already getting dark outside. She was glad that they could end this conversation on a joyful note, but she didn’t fail to say this as they bid their goodbyes:

“Thank you, Yuchan,” she remarked sincerely, and the bittersweet smile she was gifted was worth more than any diamond in the world. Because it was genuine, because it was caring, and because it made her realise that there was someone who finally, finally believed her.

The boy merely nodded afterwards before playfully reminding her to reply to his messages, then he bolted off in the metro station’s direction, and she walked to the nearest bus station, her steps lighter than for a long time.

Haerim did reply to his messages with a lighter heart this time, and she found herself looking forward to his messages even if it was just about him talking about how he had spent an entire hour in the wrong lecture hall, listening to the wrong topic, or how he had managed to oversleep his morning alarm, waking up only by midday. Yuchan had always been the type of person to whom everything just happens, and it was almost heartwarming how things hadn’t seemed to change so much when it came to him.

However, there was one thing that was bothering her, and it was the fact whether he kept on talking to her because he wanted to make sure that she was really doing okay - or maybe even pitying her. She didn’t like jumping to conclusions, but he had come back into her life so abruptly, yet he had stayed in her life ever since, and she didn’t know what to do with it.

So she decided to ask about it the next time they met face-to-face, and even though it could be seen by the way Yuchan’s lips wavered that he hadn’t expected such a question, he also shook his head fervently.

“No, not at all. Why would I be pitying you? I trust that you tell me the truth, and you’ve said that you’re doing okay now, so it’s not why I want to spend time with you,” he explained very much confidently, but a spark of doubt was lit in his pitch-black eyes, almost like a shooting star on the sky. “Do I make you feel uncomfortable? Don’t you want to spend time with me?”

He pressed his lips into a thin line as the questions rolled off his tongue, and the serenity in his features almost scared her. It was such a different, unknown side of him that she was taken aback by the sudden change in his behaviour. On the other hand, she was almost thankful. He was more understanding than anyone she had ever met, gentle care radiating in every single one of his words and acts.

“No, that’s not about it. I feel comfortable around you, I really do.” She nodded to prove her point, searching for any kind of confirmation in his eyes that he believed her, and she was about to continue when his lips slowly blossomed into a smile, the kind that adds colours to an empty canvas.

“I’m glad then.”

Yuchan seemed almost bashful by this point, his ears turning burgundy. He ran his hands through his chocolate-brown locks swiftly, taking a huge sip from his hot chocolate, but almost choking on it. She immediately tried to assist him, but he seemed to get over it before she could walk up to him or order a glass of water.

“It’s okay, it happens all the time,” he remarked with a giggle, holding up his hands as if he was trying to wave away every single one of her worries regarding the situation.

“You haven’t changed a bit, have you? It seems like you always get yourself into such situations,” Haerim pointed it out with an almost nostalgic smile, thinking back to that boy with the widest smile, the biggest energy and the cutest rounded glasses.

Even though she was never fond of her middle school years for apparent reasons, Yuchan had always lived in her memory as the sunshine after the rainstorm. There had been just something about him, about that eccentric side of him, about those joyous glints in his galaxy-like orbs, about that happiness-inducing laughter of his that had made it impossible not to remember him as someone positive.

“At least, I can make you smile,” Yuchan mentioned with a gentle smile. “I mean, not now, of course, not when I’ve worried you,” he corrected himself with a semi-awkward laugh, and she couldn’t help but laugh along with him. He really had that homey feel to him; that cosy, warm feeling that you get when you walk inside a room with the heaters on after walking through the city on a chilly winter day. “But you know, in general,” he added, and she silently nodded to his words, no need to deny the smile that was playing along her lips.

They exchanged a glance, and Haerim felt the rush of warmth radiated by him going through her body. It was easy to be drawn to him because he was so bright and so full of life, and maybe, she doubted why he had continued to talk to her because she knew that she wasn’t as radiant as him. Yet, the way he looked at her now stomped on her worries, calming her thoughts.

“Oh, right! I have a place I want to show you!” Yuchan suddenly mentioned, letting the previous severe moment fall into a more casual one. She quirked an eyebrow in question, curious.

“Oh, okay. Do you want to go today?”

“Yeah, I mean, we can go if you don’t mind. It’s not far from here,” he replied with a bright, expectant smile playing along the edges of his lips. He was a bit uncertain - both his body language and the slight crack of his voice were indicators of that -, and she wondered what was the reason behind it; could it have been that he assumed that she was just like how she had been when she had turned down his suggestions to hang out when they had been middle schoolers? Or could it be because he could see the change in her personality, the change in the way she acted towards her, yet he still couldn’t pinpoint what she would say?

The truth is, she wasn’t one to say yes to such invitations, but the truth is, it had been a long time since someone had even mentioned something like this. She had always been more of the loner type, and ever since the bullying incidents, she had found it more difficult to make friends and trust others. She might have gotten over the trauma, but she still couldn’t help wondering about others’ perception of her.

On the other hand, she knew him, she knew his past, and he knew her past as well, yet he was still here, his legs shaking a bit under the table, his eyes curiously looking into hers, and he was the one to suggest showing her a place. She might not fall this time, but if she did, she trusted him that he would catch her.

“Sure, we can go,” Haerim gave in, her lips raised upwards.

“For real?”

“Yeah, for real,” she repeated, warmth spreading in her heart seeing the boy’s incredibly wide smile, one that was so like him, one that was only his, and despite her not having any particular adjectives about it in the past, she could definitely see just how beautiful of a smile it was.

After they finished their drinks, they headed outside and Yuchan showed her the way to the place he had in mind; it took them around 20 minutes to get there with the metro, and even though it was really not far, Haerim had never been in the neighbourhood before. The boy walked confidently, casually telling her stories on the way, and once they reached a little secluded area which was on the edge of this part of the city - which was on the top of a hill that was built with houses all around -, she knew that they arrived without him telling her beforehand.

There were a few benches around, a boy occupying one of it as he was towering over his sketchbook, drawing absentmindedly, but what was the most eye catching was the scenery; from up here, the city could be seen a bit better, it was as if they could look above what was happening. Everything seemed a bit more clear, they didn’t feel so small and insignificant. City lights flashed in front of their eyes, cars honking and the buzzing sounds of the busy streets seemed distant from up here, and the whole sight seemed like an oddly shaped jigsaw made up of all kinds of colours and shapes.

Yuchan was quiet for a few seconds, and maybe it was his silence or the whole atmosphere with the pretty scenery and the slight breeze playing with her locks, but she found herself speaking up:

“I have a little sister, and around the time the bullying escalated, she got surgery, and she kind of got the spotlight for that. It wasn’t a life-threatening issue, she’s on meds now, so she’s fine. I would have been fine with it too because I knew how scared she was, but when I decided to speak up about what happened to me, my parents told me that it’s not that big of a deal. Then, when Eunbyeol’s parents contacted my own parents, they said that I should have behaved better, that I shouldn’t have caused them more trouble when my sister was sick,” she confessed, the bitterness biting into her tongue.

She gulped as she averted her eyes from the scenery to the boy’s face, but all she could see was empathy and care. He believed her, he wanted to listen to her, and he saw her - getting through all the layers, with all the masks forgotten, in all the colours from black to white. That’s what prompted her to explain in detail what had happened. How Eunbyeol and Haerim had been friends until Eunbyeol had started bullying her, making her run errands and making fun of her, and how even her best friend at that time had lied to Haerim’s parents because Eunbyeol had persuaded her that she would have been better without a girl like Haerim. Obviously, Eunbyeol had been pretty, wealthy and popular, and all Haerim could have been known for had been her intelligence, nothing more. It had been almost easy to get the other girl on her side, especially because Haerim hadn’t wanted to put up with the bullying.

It had all become too much when Eunbyeol and another girl had poured water onto her chair one day, and since Haerim couldn’t have seen it because of its transparent colour, she had sat right into it - in her blue jeans, the water soaking the material until her thighs. When she had turned her head towards the two girls, asking if they had done it, they had merely laughed at her, then continued laughing at her as she had grabbed her PE sweatpants and ran to the girls’ bathroom, mocking her for the sight. Teachers and students had turned their heads towards her, thinking that her jeans looked like that for another reason, but she couldn’t have cared less. She had been crying in the girls’ bathroom as she had changed into the pants, and since it had been winter and by the end of the day, she had needed to go back home in her sweatpants, freezing as she had walked all the way home.

She had told her mother about it right that day, and that’s when her mother had told her that it hadn’t been a big problem, she should have just put up with it. But the truth is, it had been just the tip of the iceberg, the humiliation and the mockery that had led up to it had been even worse, but of course, if something physical hadn’t been enough for her mother, then something emotional could have ever been enough? She had never been enough of a reason for her parents to worry about her, not when she hadn’t been the favourite child, not when even her best friend had turned against her.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. You must have felt like no one was on your side,” Yuchan said in awe, shocked and worried at the same time. Haerim shook her head, it hadn’t been his fault that he hadn’t been there when the water incident had happened, and that he hadn’t seen what had been going on. Eunbyeol and her friends had been sneaky enough not to act up when teachers or the whole class had been around, except that day. Still, it hadn’t been enough even for the homeroom teacher to do anything. To - at least - take it seriously.

“It’s okay now. The memories and the feelings lingered on, and I’ve eventually started to receive counselling when I got more and more panic attacks in high school, and although my parents still never took this issue seriously, I’ve learned how to deal with it,” Haerim remarked with a bittersweet smile, glad that she had realised that sometimes you can’t rely on the people you wish to rely on.

It seemed like Yuchan was so struck that he didn’t even have the right words to say, his lips were quivering but not moving otherwise. Haerim let him process what he had heard, not wanting to force him to remark anything, letting him put together the pieces of the past. Yes, she had been shy, but not solely because of her personality. She had been closed-off because of the constant mistreatment and bullying, always just putting up with it until she couldn’t have taken it anymore. She wouldn’t blame him though; she had mastered how to act like everything had been fine.

“Wow, you are so strong!” Yuchan concluded genuinely, yet she felt her smile dropping, sentimentalism rushing through her body. Sometimes only a few words were able to trigger her knees to go weak, but when he looked at her like that with that amount of empathy and appreciation in his eyes as he did, she really found it difficult not to let him in her heart. She might have been too broken back then to let anyone in, let alone a boy who had seemed too different from her, someone who had openly expressed his liking towards her when she hadn’t felt anything towards him. Yet, now, she wished nothing more than to keep his warmth close to her.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” The boy immediately picked up on the change in her expression, but she merely shook her head. If he had known just how right what he said was. The best thing he could have said.

“No one has ever told me this,” she reasoned, her voice cracking a bit by the emotions that were taking hold of her. Yuchan’s lips quivered yet again as he looked at her, and despite the initial hesitation in his movements, he stepped closer to her a few seconds later, wrapping his arms around her body, and Haerim didn’t even protest. She knew she was safe, she knew she was valued, and she knew that she was accepted. For who she was and for who she had been. She wasn’t afraid to face that, to face him, not anymore.

Because we can only let the light in when we dare to open the curtains, and we can only see the stars when it’s dark; light isn’t light without darkness being around.

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