#youre TOAST absolute fuckin TOAST

[oiblackestsheep]

pro tip to all the INTPs out there that are sick of the nerd stereotype:

get a leather jacket

you will instantly look 1000.5% cooler, you will be indistingushable from the xSTPs, the ENTPs will no longer fuck with you after being intimidated by your absolute gigachad energy

STOP being sick of the stereotypes and START being sick as hell

[cassis2006]

might commit atrocities actually !

[counterattacker]

lol. lmao. anyway stream takaokamizuki's cover of idol ft. natsuki karin

HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT!

GREATEST HITS!

Submission 474

vocaloids (and all similar non-Yamaha-owned vocal synths) are bad. all of them.

It's a mockery of the human voice. Frye from Splatoon 3 of all things is the closest we will ever get to having any interesting vocal technique in a voice synth bank. Singing styles around the world are so interesting and take so much skill and you abandon them for a glorified MIDI file? I also blame them for the rise of AI-generated covers, because they first started the devaluing of the human voice and the usage of it as an instrument - a really boring one that will never know advanced or diverse technique. Congrats, Miku made Minecraft, now all of SpongeBob has sang Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. At least the SpongeBob characters have distinct and interesting voices.

[from follow up asks]

hello. vocaloid take submitter here.

i didn't expect my submission to gain as much traction as it did, i thought it was lukewarm at best. i thought there were more vocaloid haters out there. this is tumblr, though, so i guess not. still think vocaloid is ass though.

i will say, it might add context to my take that i myself am a singer and have natural perfect pitch. while i haven't sang in any professional capacity, i've still done some voice training and lots of lower level performances. i have very strong feelings about singing, and hold what the human voice can do in high regard.

i also have a better ear for picking up smaller things in the human voice (re: natural perfect pitch) and the difference between humans and vocaloid is extremely striking to me. no amount of tuning can make a vocaloid not sound lifeless to me, because i will never, ever hear a human voice, and instead of letting the lead of the song Not Be Vocals - which has never been a novel concept - they HAVE to put the voice bank in.

also, re: "frye isn't a voice bank dumbass", congrats! you took away something i felt was actually interesting! god i wish more people knew about more singing styles that they couldn't easily replicate!

while now i know that AI voices are not a continuation of vocaloid, sorry, still think it's bad, go to hell and learn to compose a song without lyrics.

also - still the vocaloid take submitter - to continue:

i will eventually send a link to a playlist of all of the Vocaloid songs i have ever listened to, because i am sure most of the people who think i submitted that think that i do not even know what Defoko is, or that i've heard exactly two Hatsune Miku songs. i know what Defoko is. i know she's entirely computer generated. i've listened to her voice. i still think it's bad. have any of you big shots heard of Big Al? i've listened to him. also bad. it's bad.

Submission 111

I think chicken breast is disgusting and I would rather blend it up into a shake than eat it with my teeth

It’s fast, it’s efficient, it’s nutritious if you add fruits and vegetables. It’s easy to prepare and you can drink it on the go. I need the protein but chicken breast tastes disgusting either way, and I’m tired of putting in so much effort to make the joyless rubbery meat taste good.

My friends and family are wrong, this is the future.

I see some of you not voting! That's cheating!

It's ok if you agree with neither take! Just choose the take you agree with slightly more!

Think of it like choosing the lesser of two evils!

Propaganda is always encouraged, and remember to reblog your favourite polls for exposure!

[archangeldyke-all]

could you please write vika with a reader who has a hard time gaining weight but needs to? maybe just taking care of them, scolding them, reassuring them, etc. it'd be really helpful.

(tw: ed, you don't need to include this) i've been doing my best to recover from being heavily underweight but it's frustrating because of the mindset and my body working against me, it makes me feel so desperate, so anything helps! feel absolutely free to ignore this if you feel uncomfortable please, i won't mind 🫶🏻

of course!!

men and minors dni

when your doctors give sevika the go-ahead to start tracking your food and making sure you eat enough every day, she's thrilled.

your entire relationship, sevika's always wanted you to eat more. you're underweight, unhealthily so. she tried her best to get you to eat-- insisting you buy your favorites on date night in an attempt to get you to eat the whole plate, carrying snacks in her pockets to hand to you every hour or so-- but you'd usually just refuse her.

now though-- sevika's grinning evilly as she walks you back to the car from your doctor's office.

"what're you smiling about?" you ask, worried. sevika's usually so upset after your doctor's appointments-- worried about you.

sevika cackles. "your doctor just gave me the green light to give you the fuckin' royalty treatment babe." she says, grinning. you groan, and sevika starts to chuckle. "i'm talkin' breakfast in bed, every morning."

you snort, and sevika grins. "you think i'm joking-- but i'm not! you can't say no to treats anymore-- i'm gonna fuckin' spoil you!"

you just laugh, not knowing what you've gotten yourself into.

the next morning you're awaken to sevika entering the room with a full american breakfast. pancakes, hashbrowns, eggs and fruit-- it was all there. you cackle.

"there's no way i can eat all of that!"

sevika giggles and shrugs, climbing into bed next to you. "that's what i'm here for." she says.

and... surprisingly... you manage to eat a lot more food with sevika by your side, rubbing your back and hand-feeding you each bite, between her own bites.

and while the fanciness of your breakfasts vary-- it becomes a daily tradition in your house to eat breakfast in bed together.

(of course, sevika always complains when climbing in bed at night about the toast and cereal crumbs left behind in the sheets-- but that never stops her from bringing you a meal each morning.)

once she establishes one good, hearty meal in your day to day life, she takes it a step farther.

she learns to bake for you.

it's a lot of trial and error, but after a few burnt pastries, and one embarrassing call to the fire department, she managed to figure out the perfect cookies.

and every night before bed, sevika sits down beside you with a big glass of milk, and you guys snack on cookies before bed.

each week, she'll make a new batch. she loves to experiment with flavors, trying to find one that you'll love even more than last time. her favorite is snickerdoodle-- but she doesn't bake for herself. she bakes for you.

she starts offering you snacks more and more often.

sometimes, you take them without complaint.

but, sometimes everything catches up to you, and eating seems like the scariest thing in the world.

sevika sits with you, holding you the entire time as you cry and breathe through your anxiety, slowly stroking your back and kissing your head.

and then, whether it's ten minutes or two hours later-- sevika will sit beside you, kissing your head through each bite of your snack, praising you and thanking you for taking care of yourself.

"i want you around forever, baby. thank you for makin' it more likely." she whispers.

when you return to the doctor's one month later for a check-in-- sevika cries tears of joy when you step on the scale and have gained a dozen pounds or so.

she lets out a sweet sob of relief, right before she wraps her arms around your waist and spins you in a circle in the middle of the doctor's office. you squeal, and a bunch of nurses give you dirty looks, but this does nothing to keep sevika from pressing endless kisses on your head and face.

"oh, i'm so fuckin' proud of you, love." she whispers through her tears.

you get the same reaction in subsequent months, as your weight steadily, healthily climbs.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie @k3n-dyll

@sevsdollette @ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re

@raphaellearp @iamastar @sevikitty @claude999

[katewritesthings]

Love Me Like I Can // Chapter 2

Chapter 2 // How to Touch a Girl

•warnings: Cursing. Cheating. Sexual Situations. Drinking. Drug use. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

The first time Diana woke up the morning after her birthday was actual torture, she was sure. The need to empty her bladder caused her to wake far earlier than she would have liked, early morning light barely making it through the blackout curtains that decorated her bedroom. The redhead carefully disentangled herself from the limbs of her sister and friend and climbed out of bed, grabbing her phone from beside her on the bed. Making her way to the ensuite bathroom, Diana immediately regretted unlocking her device for two reasons. First the dull ache in her head made itself known the second the light hit her eyes in contrast to the dark bathroom. 6:21 AM . Second, was a series of text messages from a number not saved to her phone that she decided could wait before she absolutely exploded. After washing her hands and splashing cold water on her face, Diana braced herself and opened the text thread.

+1(617)-555-1425 9:36 PM    you look sooo good in your IG pics 11:15 PM ugh i wish i was with you rn 12:20 AM cmon di. dont be a btich text me back 1:37 AM Ungrateful bitch.  2:39 AM   i see. youre out there fuckin with someone new. Thats  wh you wont text me back. He’ll just get bored of you like I did.  2:41 AM How long before he starts fucking yor sister 

Disappointed that the Boston area code and the content of messages meant the sender was clear, Diana quickly locked her phone and dropped it on the counter. She couldn’t deal with Connor right now. Leaving her phone in the bathroom, Diana crawled back into bed, thankful that she insisted on a “sleepover” last night and wasn’t alone to spiral.

The second time Diana woke up was slightly better than the first. She was alone in bed and her headache eased to a dull thumping, a glass of water on her bedside table. Emptying the glass in one go, Diana searched for her phone. A string of curses rang through her head when she remembered the reason that it was not beside her. After a dramatic sigh, she forced herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She turned on the light, looked in the mirror for the first time that day, and groaned out loud. Light reddish-purple bruises littering her neck and collarbone were visible under the sports bra she was wearing.

Annoyed with herself, Diana picked up her phone and checked the time: 12:12 PM. When she unlocked the device the messages from Connor were still open on the screen. While the reason for his vitriol was now apparent, clues painted on her skin, it didn’t make it justified. ‘It wasn’t like I had sex with Joe,’ she thought, ‘ And even if I had, I’m single and can fuck who I want. 

Diana blocked the number but kept the text thread to show Biz later and moved on to check her other notifications, some birthday wishes from people who couldn't make it last night and a missed call from Cathy at 9:30. Diana decided could give her manager a call back later and was replying to all of the messages and comments as she walked into the kitchen of the apartment she shared with her sister.

Biz, who was standing at the stove cooking bacon and French toast, spoke as Diana walked in eyes glued to her phone. “Gooood Morning beautiful, Happy actual birthday,” the younger woman sang in a joking manner. “Taylor left, she had to catch a flight for the awards tonight.” She paused a minute before excitedly saying, “There was a delivery for you this morning.”

Diana looked up at her last statement, confused even more at the smirk on the brunette’s face. “What delivery?”

Biz didn't respond except for pointing her spatula towards the living room, signaling Diana to investigate. Rolling her eyes, Diana did as she was told, walking farther down the hall to figure out what her sister was talking about.

She was not expecting multiple bouquets of roses placed in every nook and cranny they would fit to be decorating the living room. “What the fuck,” she muttered to herself, making her way toward the largest bouquet on the coffee table in the center of the room, silently counting the number of arrangements. Nine. 

‘What a strange number,’ she thought as she picked up the card attached to the large bundle of roses, looking out of place on the coffee table next to her TV remote.

Tried to get your number Cathy with no luck. Now who’s curving who? 513-555-6947 JB

Warmth filled Diana’s body as she reread the card for the third time, trying to make sense of it. Pulling up Cathy’s contact information on her phone and pressing call, she turned to see Bizz in the doorway smiling like the Cheshire Cat. 

“Soooo… who are those from?” Her tone gave her away, she already read the card.

“Fuck off,” Diana mouthed just as Cathy answered her phone, turning back to the flowers. “Cathy Allred,” the older woman answered cheerfully. “Hey, Cath, this is Di. I was just giving you a call back and wondering if you knew why there were 10 gigantic floral arrangements in my living room?” Diana greeted, attempting to keep her annoyance at her sister out of her voice.

Cathy’s throaty laugh came through the speaker and Di could imagine her expression was the same one that Biz was wearing. “Oh, honey. That handsome football player from last night was leaving messages at the buttcrack of dawn trying to weasel your number out of me. When I told him that I couldn’t clear that without your direct consent, he asked if he could send flowers to our office and have them forwarded to you if security approved the message. We just didn’t expect 9 separate bouquets.”

Diana was in shock. She couldn’t remember the last time she had received flowers unrelated to work.

“Well, uh, thank you, Cathy. That’s all I wanted. I’ll talk to you Wednesday,” Diana ended the phone call, still staring blankly at the literal dozens of roses sitting in her house. “Soooooo,” Biz’s voice came out in her signature sing-songy tone.  “Are ya gonna text him?” 

Diana bit her lip. “Well, I guess I should, right?”

She could feel her anxiety creeping up in the back of her mind, almost like frost crystallizing on glass in the winter. The first voices of self-doubt were beginning to scream you’re not good enough for him and he’s only going to break your heart when a hand on Diana’s shoulder refocused her.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Di,” Biz’s comforting words filled her ears. “He’s a really hot guy who is into you, so I’d say go for it. Texting him doesn’t mean you’re getting married next month, babe. But you were humping his leg like a dog in heat last night, so it probably would be proper etiquette to at least acknowledge his existence.” As was exiting the room laughing at her own joke as she said the last part. Diana rolled her eyes and thought about her sister’s advice. Joe really was an attractive man and all signs were pointing to him being attracted to her. Their physical chemistry last night had been off the charts and even though they didn’t discuss anything super deep, she was engrossed in the conversation, always wanting to hear what Joe had to say next. She was going to do it, she was going to text him.

She added his number to her phone and began debating how to start the conversation. After drafting and redrafting the generic ‘Hi! It’s Diana” messages for nearly two minutes, she finally settled on one that would let Joe know who she was.

Joe (Quarterback) 12:32 PM    you left before saying bye last night, i’d say you’re still curving me.

Phone in hand, Diana made her way toward the smell of brunch. Before she could even make it to the breakfast nook her phone buzzed in her hands signifying she had received a text.

Tee wasn’t feeling great, I had to dash. Let me make it up to you. I’m in NYC until Monday night.

Butterflies filled Diana’s stomach as her eyes scanned the messages she had just received. Joe didn’t leave the party because he was embarrassed by their hookup like her anxiety had been trying to convince her. He had a legitimate reason and he wanted to see her again to make up for it. Before she could let her nerves stop her, she fired off a reply to Joe

i’ll hold you to it. 😜 i’m free all day tomorrow.

 Diana didn’t even get a chance to lock her phone before a new message appeared on her screen.

Not anymore. Lunch?

She wasn’t sure if it was nerves or hunger making her stomach turn the way it was, so she decided to load up her plate before responding. 

After eating a decent amount of brunch and taking a well-needed shower, Diana was lounging in her bed, Parks and Recreation on in the background, staring at Joe’s texts. So many conflicting thoughts were running through her head about what her response should be. As much as she wanted to see Joe again, she couldn’t shake the feeling of fear. Sure Joe seemed nice, but Connor seemed nice enough at first. She knew her ex had just sent the hateful texts to get under skin, but he knew which blows hit the hardest.

“Biiiiiiz! Come in here!” she shouted from her spot on the bed, in a frustrated squeal.

“What’s the matter?” The brunette questioned, popping her head through the door. “I think I agreed to hang out with Joe tomorrow and I’m scared,” Diana whined, dragging out the vowels in the word ‘scared’.

A snort came from Biz as she made her way fully into the room. “He’s a man, Di, not a monster. Why are you scared?”

Diana knew this was the moment that she should share that Connor had texted her this morning, but for some reason, she couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. Instead, what came out was a pitiful gasp for air that made Biz by surprise.

“Just, what if I’m supposed to be more healed than I am,” Diana breathed, tears in her eyes. “Like, what if Joe turns out to be as good as he seems? Doesn’t he deserve more than this heartbroken version of me? I’m barely myself again, Biz.”

“I think you should at least hang out with him and see where it goes. Worst comes to worst, you guys know you’re physically into each other,” Biz teased. Diana rolled her eyes, “What if he’s expecting to fuck and I’m not ready?” Biz shot her sister a look. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Di. But let’s be real, you need to get dicked down. How long has it been?” Diana rolled her eyes again, not wanting to acknowledge she was currently on the longest dry spell she’d ever had. Things in the bedroom aspect of her relationship with Connor never really met her standards, always dissatisfied. The past six months of their relationship had consisted of barely any intimacy, Connor claiming he wasn’t attracted to Diana at the moment. Turns out, he was just getting his needs met by her best friend. “You’re right,” Diana gave in, texting Joe back.

1:26 PM deal, burrow. tomorrow at noon. Italian or Mexican? Shit. Just got word that public restaurants are a no-go. its okay. we can do pizza and sweets at my place

A new fear ran through Diana’s head as soon as she heard the “swoosh” sound from her head. “What if-” Diana was cut off by her sister throwing a pillow at her face. “Shut up,” Biz said in a more serious tone than before. “I get that you’re nervous, but stop coming up with these what-ifs. Smoke about it and attempt to channel your thoughts into something productive.” With that, Biz left the room.

Diana knew her sister was right. Not only did she tend to handle her anxiety better if she was channeling it into something productive, but she was behind on writing. Cathy had told her that the songwriters she was meeting with on Wednesday were expecting the start of at least six new songs and at this point, Diana only had four songs, three of which were fragments.

Lighting a preroll from her bedside table, Diana reached for her notebook, anxiety still at full force. As she hit the joint, she began to scribble down the thoughts that were looping in her head in an attempt to get them to stop.

I know that I’m better than this heartbroken version of me What if he can't compete with the things that I'm scared of that keep love from me? I get so attached and when it ends and the comedown hits I just end up hating me The energy that it takes to be somebody’s somebody just ain’t in me.

After she had stubbed out her joint, the voice of Diana’s anxiety had dulled to a whisper and her mood had lifted considerably. When Diana looked up from her notebook and checked her phone she saw two new messages from Joe.

Awesome. Can’t wait to see you.

What are you up to?

Smiling to herself, her fingers glided across the screen to type out that she was writing, hoping it could turn into a song and returning the question. Joe must have had his phone in hand because within record time her phone was signaling a new message.

Just left lunch with the guys, can I call you?

The butterflies from earlier had returned with a vengeance accompanied by a warm flush taking over her body. Within seconds of replying with an affirmative text, her phone was ringing in her hand indicating she was receiving a FaceTime call from Joe. “Hello,” she greeted hesitantly, internally cringing at her appearance in the camera. Her long hair was still wet from the shower and braided into Dutch braids down the side of her head and she had placed two star pimple patches on her forehead and chin, not expecting to see anyone but Biz. “Hey! You look great,” Joe responded, white smile beaming at Diana. He appeared to be sitting against a hotel headboard, dressed in a black Bengals hoodie. 

“No one likes a liar, Joe,” Diana smiled. “Wasn’t expecting a video call.”

“I just needed to make sure you were who you said you were,” Joe countered, smile turning into a playful grin. “Can’t be making plans to hang out with some rando, you know.” Diana rolled her eyes and placed her notebook on her bedside table, the action drawing Joe’s attention. “I’m sure girls are tripping over their own feet to eat lunch with you,” Diana let out a small laugh. “Unfortunately for you, I am myself and you have agreed to hang out with me. Now, if you’ll agree after this time, that’s a question for another day.” “Oh, yeah. What makes you say that?” Joe quirked an eyebrow, a grin still covering his beautiful mouth.

“Well, first of all, we’re getting pineapple on our pizza. Second of all, I planned on finishing my puzzle tomorrow, so you’re now getting roped into that.”

Laughter filled the speakers before Joe’s voice said, “Well, first things first, pineapple on pizza is the right decision… But a puzzle, really? What are you, 73?”

Diana was pleasantly surprised at the ease of carrying on a conversation with Joe. She had assumed that alcohol had lubricated their last interaction, but the way the conversation flowed for the next hour proved that wrong. Joe teasing her for doing puzzles led them to talk about their other hobbies which led to them talking about what started them on their careers.

“Yeah, so I’m hoping to be back by preseason, but there’s no guarantee. I just feel like I’m letting the team and the fans down, y’know,” Joe finished explaining his injury, something Diana had known the bare minimum about before this conversation. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked to the side. “Sorry to overwhelm you.”

“No, please don’t ever apologize for sharing your emotions, Joe. You can’t hold everything in because you’re afraid of being judged.” Diana’s heart tugged for a moment, imagining how Joe must feel after the season he had last year. She wanted to make sure he knew that she was someone he could share with even if this went nowhere.

“Okay,” Joe nodded, but still changing the subject, “So, what about you? Any new music I get to look forward to?”

Diana rolled her eyes but smiled. Connor was never interested in her career, implying that the music his band made was better and more meaningful. It felt nice to have someone who wasn’t her sister inquire about the progress she was making on her new album. “Actually, I have a few writing sessions over the next few weeks with my label and some producers and start recording some new stuff in March. We’re planning on turning the EP into an extended into a standard album” “Oh, yeah? Do you have a lot of material?” Joe asked, seeming genuinely interested in the answer. “Uh, actually, I didn’t. I’ve been writing a lot recently, though, so hopefully..” Diana trailed off, hoping the heat on her cheeks didn’t show up on Joe’s end of the video call. It was embarrassing enough to admit to herself that she had been more inspired since Joe appeared in her life than she had been in six years, but she’d die if he figured it out.

After a few more minutes of talking, one of Joe’s teammates knocked on his door causing Joe to get off the phone. They had been on the phone for an hour, but Diana was sure she could have talked to him for three more. Diana spent the rest of her night watching the Grammys on her couch. Diana’s team still thought it was best if she stayed home this year as Connor’s band was up for nomination and they wanted to avoid as many headlines about the two as they could. They insisted that Diana stream from home and interact with fans while the awards were happening, which worked out okay in her book. She had fun posting on her Instagram stories rooting for the artist she was friends or a fan of, secretly rejoicing when Bedford Scrolls lost the award they were up for. The fact that she was able to hang out with Joe because she stayed home was definitely, absolutely, not the main reason.

—-----------------------------

If there is one thing that will never change about Diana Hayes, it’s that she’s not a morning person. Or a “before 1 PM” person, really. So when her alarm went off at 10 this morning, she wanted to press snooze with everything in her being. That was until she actually looked at her phone and noticed the text notifications on her home screen. She had the normal business updates in her team group chat, but that wasn’t the one that caught Diana’s attention.

Joe (Quarterback) 7:01 AM Is there a specific dress code today?

A smile crossed Diana’s lips, relieved that he wasn’t canceling on her. Tapping a reply out on her phone, she got out of bed and headed towards her bathroom. 

10:02 AM whatever you’re comfortable in. i plan on restarting game of thrones today.

Diana busied herself by turning on her shower and adjusting the water temperature before her phone buzzed on the counter.

Sweats it is. 

Good choice on shows. Don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m King In The North 😉

Diana responded with an eye roll emoji before telling Joe she would see him at noon and entering the shower. She took her time in the shower, excitement bubbling in her stomach at the uncertainty of what the afternoon held. It had been ages since she had been on a first date, if this even was one, she wasn’t sure what protocol was anymore.

An hour and twenty minutes, one pair of shaved legs, and a fight with a hair dryer later Diana was freaking out. Joe would be here in less than an hour and she was regretting everything. He’s going to make fun of me, Diana thought to herself, he’s going to come over, think I’m weird, and then make fun of me to his friends. Adjusting her position on the couch, Diana brought her hands up to pick at her lips, an anxious habit she’d had since a child. 

Before her fingers could even make contact with her mouth, Biz’s hand swatted it away, an amused look on her face.

“You told me to stop you from picking!” Biz held up her arms in defense, “I just wanted to remind you to tag the bakery the croissants are from on Insta before I leave.”

Biz was driving back to Philadelphia with Eli for the day, giving Diana and Joe the apartment alone for the day. After Biz made her way out of the door, Diana busied herself taking pictures for her social media posts, starting the first episode of Game of Thrones, and snacking on the sweets that had been delivered while she was in the shower. Before she knew it her phone was ringing, Joe’s name flashing across the screen. 

“Hey,” Diana greeted, standing to pace in the living room. 

“Hey,” Joe responded, “I’m about to get in the elevator, I just wanted to let you know I’m almost there.”

“Okay. Once you get to the 14th floor, we’re on the right. See you in a minute.”

Moments later, Diana was opening the front door of her apartment, eyes scanning over Joe’s body. He was dressed in a tie-dyed blue and purple, Space Jam crewneck and a pair of gray sweats. She had never understood before when her friends had talked about men in gray sweats, but seeing Joe had shown her the light.

“Hey,” Diana finally found her voice, gesturing for him to walk in the door.

“Hey, again,” Joe joked, making his way past Diana to stand in the entryway. Closing the door, Diana met Joe’s eyes and felt her face heat up. 

“So, I have uhm, some pastries and fruit in the living room if you want to go in there. I’m like halfway through the first episode of Game of Thrones if you want to go watch.” Diana’s voice came out quicker than normal, nerves filling the space between the butterflies in her stomach.

Joe shook his head with a grin. “Alright. That sounds great to me.”

The pair made their way past the kitchen and into the living room, Diana waving her arm in the direction of the couch. “Make yourself comfortable. What do you want to drink?”

“Water sounds great, thanks,” Joe answered, walking to the corner of the couch. When she returned, Joe had sat down and was taking in the surroundings of Diana’s living space. The room was the same cream color that most high-end rentals are nowadays, sectional taking up most of the space. A coffee table in front held Diana’s laptop, a plate with croissants, cinnamon rolls, and strawberries, a glass of water, and two of the flower arrangements that Joe sent her the day before. The sectional was up against a full wall picture window, sage green blinds pulled halfway across and faced a flat screen TV that was paused on an image of Daenerys Targaryen walking into a steaming bath. 

“I know it’s plain, but we’re only staying here temporarily,” Diana said referring to the room they were in, her presence startling Joe.

“Oh. Planning on moving soon?” Joe inquired, pulling himself deeper into the couch. Diana set the glasses down on the coffee table and sat down next to Joe, leaving about a foot of space between them.

“Kind of? I wanted to stay in New York until the tour starts and then Biz and I were going to look at houses,” Diana said in response, “I don’t necessarily want to settle down in a huge city, but I can’t imagine myself going back to Philly.”

“Did you hate it there or something?” Joe seemed genuinely intrigued about Diana’s plans, which was something that surprised her. She had only really known him for 36 hours and she was ready to tell him everything.

“Only since my dad died,” Diana said, instantly followed with, “Oh my god. That was so depressing. Ignore me.” 

“You’re fine. It’s the real reason,” Joe chuckled, “I’ll quit interrogating you.”

The two talked a little more about Joe’s flight back to Cincinnati at 9 and the Grammys that happened the night before, somehow landing on their Game of Thrones opinions. 

“I won’t deny that she’s completely batshit insane, yes. But she’s one of the best characters!” Diana said, excitedly of Cersei. “That’s not what you said, you said she was your favorite character,” Joe countered, “Which, if it is true, is wild.”

Diana laughed as she brought her legs onto the couch and crossed them crisscross-applesauce. The space that had previously existed between her and Joe disappeared, her knee pressing into his thigh. Attempting to ignore the heat that was making its way up her neck, Diana leaned forward and grabbed the remote. “Just watch it from my perspective,” she said before pressing play.

The rest of the first episode and the entire second one played while Diana and Joe snacked and gave commentary on what was happening in the show. Between episodes, Diana had readjusted, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over herself. She wasn’t sure when it happened, but sometime around the opening credits of the third episode after she had ordered pizza, she found herself pressed into Joe’s side with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Within fifteen minutes of that, Diana found herself straddling Joe, hands on either side of his face, lips moving in sync with his. Joe’s right hand found its way to her hair as her lips traveled to the hair on his jawline.

“I like this scruff,” Diana panted between kisses, starting at his chin and making her way back up to the sensitive spot beneath his ear. Joe’s left hand traveled to her waist, reaching under her t-shirt and making contact with her bare skin. “I’ll keep that in mind,” just loud enough for Diana to hear. Diana ground her hips into his lap, feeling him harden beneath her and his hand traveled to her breast, massaging it eagerly.

They continued kissing a moment longer until Joe grabbed hold of Diana and laid her down on the couch. His lips found her neck and he asked, “Is this okay?” as he shifted his weight to not crush the woman below him, his left hand returned to its place under her shirt. “Take this off,” Joe said, gesturing to the material. Diana complied. “Couldn’t be better,” Diana sighed as Joe nipped lightly at her collarbone, tongue following shortly after his teeth.

“I’m sure there’s always room for improvement,” his voice laced with lust and arrogance. Just as Diana was about to ask what he meant, Joe’s hand moved from her breast to the waistband of her sweatpants.

With a nod of Diana’s head, Joe’s hand dipped beneath the waistband of both her sweatpants long fingers gently brushing her clit through her panties. A soft moan left Diana’s lips as she leaned forward to connect her lips to Joe’s again. His fingers teased her, using his thumb and forefinger to play with the material separating him from her core. Lifting her hips hoping Joe would get the hint, she pressed her core firmly against his fingers.

“More,” she breathed. Joe pulled the fabric aside and his fingers were instantly met with the slick wetness of Diana’s arousal. Sliding his middle finger along her slit, he brought it up to her clit and began to rub. Pleasure clouded Diana’s thoughts, Joe’s voice asking her if he could take her pants off barely making it through haze. She lifted her hips and pulled the material down her legs as Joe sat up, tugging his shirt over his head.

Joe stared at her for a moment, taking in the sight in front of him. Laying in only her black lace panties, Diana was too busy enjoying her own view to shy away from the hunger Joe was staring at her with. Joe was clearly a man who took care of his body and it showed. She was in awe.

Before Diana could process the definition of his muscles, Joe had resumed his position next to her, covering her lips with another kiss. Then, without hesitation, he took her left nipple in her mouth. Diana moaned again, arousal red hot between her legs. It wasn’t long until Joe’s mouth began moving downward again, leaving kisses until he got to Diana’s hip bones.

“Can I?” Joe asked, staring up hungrily at Diana. Hesitant, Diana thought it over for a second. She had only received oral three times in her past relationship as her ex had found numerous reasons to avoid the act, most of them criticisms of Diana. Everything from she was unattractive to she was too picky when it came to the way he did it. Trying to shake thoughts of her ex from her head, Diana reassured herself that every signal Joe had given her had proved he wanted to do this. Finally, she nodded her head.

Wasting no time after getting her consent, Joe placed his lips around Diana’s clit and began sucking. Instinctively, her hips bucked into him, eager for more pleasure. Diana felt Joe smile into her skin, then a finger slid into her while he continued to suck and lick at her.  After some movement, Joe added another finger, pausing a moment to help her get used to the width.

Diana tried to clear her mind, looking down at the man between her legs. His fingers were moving inside of her, curling to hit a spot inside of her that she seemed rather receptive to the first time he hit it. A warm tension was pooling in the pit of her stomach as she tried to clear any insecurities from her mind. “Fuck..” Joe’s mouth drew another slow moan out of Diana’s mouth. She leaned forward, propping herself up on her elbows. “As amazing as this feels- fuck. I don’t think that I’ll be able to- holy shit!- finish this way.” Joe pulled his face away from her core, licking his lips and shaking his head. “I think you underestimate my determination,” he stated. Not breaking eye contact, he dipped his head back down and placed another kiss on her clit and added another finger to the ones busy between her folds.

Joe’s hands and mouth continued in unison to work their magic until moments later when tension in her core began to build towards a peak and her body convulsed. She brought her hand to her mouth and bit down lightly as Joe’s teeth lightly grazed her clit. He used his free hand to rest against her hip bones, trying to hold her in place so he could help bring her to climax. Releasing her clit from his mouth, began to move his fingers with more purpose, trying to match the pace that Diana was trying to set. 

“Fuck. Fuck! Joe, I think I’m going to-” Diana was cut off by her orgasm. Joe continued to pump his fingers into her as he peppered kisses on her forehead. Warmth radiated through her body, starting at her core and rippling from her head to her toes. “That’s right, baby. Just let it happen,” he encouraged as Diana let herself give in to the sensation. 

Taking a deep breath and opening her eyes, Diana was staring into Joe’s blue eyes. “Thank you. I promise you did not need to do that” Diana whispered, trying not to let her nerves get the best of her. “I didn’t have to, I wanted to,” his response helped ease her worries. “Besides, I didn’t want to not live up to what was advertised,” he joked, referencing the interview Ja’Marr had given. Just then, the doorbell rang indicating that the pizza they delivered had arrived. 

An hour later, Joe and Diana had devoured an entire pizza and had spent the entire time deep in conversation. Trying to avoid bringing up what just happened, Diana kept the topics focused on friends and growing up. She learned about Joe’s parents and his brothers and heard what it was like to grow up in a relatively small town in Ohio, while she told Joe about how she grew up in Philadelphia, her mom leaving before she turned 10, and her dad passing away a few years ago. It felt almost relieving to have someone ask questions about the things she actually cared about.

It wasn’t long before Joe’s phone started ringing from its spot on the coffee table. Joe stood up and walked out of the room to take the call. It was a quarter till six, meaning that Joe’s flight left in less than 5 hours. Diana’s head began swimming with contradicting thoughts, sad that he had to leave soon and fear of what that meant.

When Joe ended the call, he walked back into the room, looking at his phone. “Apparently, I should leave in no more than ten minutes to make it back in time to pack for our flight. I guess I should leave” Joe looked just as conflicted as Diana felt. “Will I get to see you again?”

Diana felt her heart start beating harder than it ever had. This man was a fucking dream. “Yeah, that’d be cool. I’d like that,” Diana nodded, walking Joe to the door. 

“Cool. I had a really good time today,” a smile covered Joe’s face when Diana turned a deep red. “I’m willing to repeat it anytime,” he said with a wink.

Diana shoved Joe slightly, arriving at the front door. Joe engulfed her in a hug, placing a kiss on the crown of her head. 

“But seriously, I would like to hang out again. I’ll text you, okay?” He was looking down at her now, smirk still on his face

With a nod, Diana pushed herself onto her tiptoes to kiss him goodbye. Making sure she locked the door behind him, she raced to her phone to send her sister a text.

Sending the message, Diana couldn’t help to smile to herself. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted from this relationship with Joe, but she knew for sure she wanted more of it.

===================================

Sorry for the delay, I just couldn't get this chapter right! Hope you all enjoy! If you've read this far, please let me know what you think, even on anon!

===================================

Taglist: If you'd like to be added, let me know!

@therapycat21 @rd14 @wickedfun9

[ppnuggie]

slides in,, claps hands together,, crosses legs,,

hello tumblr user ppnuggie i say ominously

i have a tarn request for you 🦀

first contact au where they dock on earth to snag a run away thats posing as reader's truck!! reader livin their best life pampering their old truck and driving on the beach and then theirs just a massive ass space ship on the beach and then giant ass robots come out and reader "nopes" the fuck outta there but when she gets to the parking lot her trUCK DUMPED HER and now shes having a very awkward staring competition with some purple man thats like "what is that thing?? its so small and squishy?? what do we do with it??" but also "its so cute,, it sounds adorable,, i like it,, i like this thing" and just fuckin,, nabs her

itd be absolutely delicious of you if there was a language barrier

　　　　　　TARN x fem reader

　　　　『　tarn ,, female reader 』

　　-> first contact au w/ tarn

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, lil crack ,, kidnapping

　　— kaon takes reader ,, lmk if you want another part to continue w/ this ���

        " are you sure he's here kaon ? i don't remember this planet or sector ." voice gruff and questioning the smaller bot . the red mech nodded ,, optics dark and empty as he smiled . " i'm sure of it , tarn ." he replied . the mech known as tarn nodded in return ,, looking at the scanners aboard the ship known as the peaceful tyranny . there was barely any trace of a cybertronian signal . barely ,, that is . there was a faint dot on the screen ,, showing one life signal .

        " prepare yourselves for departure . lets make this quick ,," tarn said to his crew ,, the djd ,, or better known as the decepticon justice division . " watch out for the life here ,, theyre .... organic ." he said slowly ,, disgust dripping from his words .

        _____________________________

        thankfully there werent a lot of people here today . not exactly hot enough for a beach day ,, per say ,, but you didnt mind that one bit . resting in the driver's seat of your old truck ,, you smothered your face with sunscreen . just because it was 70 degrees out didnt mean you were gonna risk getting toasted by the sun .

        glad there werent too many little kids around ,, you were able to enjoy your little day off without many interruptions . or so you thought ,, when all the sudden a gigantic ass space ship came outta nowhere . aint no way in hell you were gonna let this moment go though ,, knowing the ufos exist and the government was keeping those aliens locked up and away from public . fishing for your phone in your bag ,, you quickly drew it out and snapped your camera app open .

        switching to video ,, you got out your truck and starting to tape the spaceship . this was something outta star wars because aint no way this was government property and a thing for a movie . or maybe it was ? you werent too sure ,, busy being in awe of this majestic ship . until it had landed and out popped its crewmates .

        this had to be for a movie ,, it had to be . nothing like just happens on a wednesday . the most that happens is that commercial with the camel saying its hump day . this sorta thing happens on a friday or sunday . one of the robotic beings opened their mouth ,, static and chirps coming out . you werent too sure what it was saying though .

        it was all fine until they started looking around and one spotted you . it was quite big ,, purple with tank treads maybe ? it surely didnt look like something from the government ,, but it did look like it was some sort of military machine . a shorter yet more lanky one stomped forward ,, water splashing up against its legs as its hands wrapped around your body .

        your phone slipped from your hand ,, eyes wide with shock and jaw dropped open . " hey !" you yelled ,, pointing accusingly at it . " put me down this instant ! who do you think you are ?!" you spat at it . the being looked curious ,, chirping at the purple one you were just looking at .

       _____________________________

        " boss ! look ! its one of those organice you told us about !" kaon exclaimed ,, vos coming up beside him and looking at the creature . " it even gave me its goo ! that must mean we've bonded ! oh boss ,, can i keep it ?" kaok rushed excitedly towards tarn . he shoved the creature up at him ,," just look how cute it is ! please boss ! i promise to take care of it !"

        tarn backed away a bit ,, leaning down slightly to get a better look at it . " fine fine ,, just focus on the task at hand . as long as you keep it in your habsuite only ." the mech grunted ,, waving kaon away as he pulled up his internal scanners .

        tarn would later question his decision . the bot they were looking for had gone into hiding and with night falling ,, the leader had become quite irritated . he would just have to wait ,, it would seem .

[sunwoowrites]

Dense

Bang chan x y/n

Fem!reader

angst

TW- mentions of food

Part 1 , Part 2

I closed the room door behind me. "Y/n I'm so so fucking sorry" I mumbled. "asshole, he's such an irritating little shit." I kicked off my sweats and slipped under the duvet in my t-shirt. "He deserves the couch tonight." I rolled my eyes and tears slipped down my cheek. "I'm up his ass? yeah right If anyones up in anyones ass we all know who it is." I sniffled. "He's stupid. Stupid really. Really flippin s-stupid" I mumbled falling off to sleep. I pulled the duvet over my head. "He's so annoying" I whined.

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

I sat up in bed the next morning, I yawned. Freshened up and headed to the kitchen. A glimpse of chris's head , curly hair unkept and untamed sprawled on the couch's armrest caught my eye. Good. I went into the kitchen. I tried not to smile at the dishes that were all washed and set in the rack, the plates and bowls from last night. My mug set out on the counter with the tea bag in it already. What a loser. I scoffed.

I'm not making him breakfast. I refuse. I started preparing breakfast for myself. Toast. Tea. Eggs. Sunny side up. I sat down, ready to enjoy my food. Chris looked at me from the couch before moving to sit at the table. "Y/n. You said we'd talk." I looked up at him and back at my plate. "y/n?" I sighed. "You said we'd talk-" "Yeah whatever go ahead. Talk." I rolled my eyes, mimicking him when i said 'talk'.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday. You know I didn't mean any of that. I was just really stressed and so out of it because of the deadlines for the tracks and I just lashed out at you. I really didn't mean it" He rambled. "I really didn't mean to hurt you. I promise. I ate all of the food and it was absolutely delicious. I promise that I'll practice to control my anger and I won't take out my frustrations on you again. Y/n..."

I ate quietly while listening. He's an idiot. "Y/n. I'm sorry." He leaned forward on the table. Dumbass. He's dense. Why should I be the dense one? "Y/n babe, I'm really really fuckin' sorry. It was so wrong of me." I looked up to see him right up in my face then looked down again stabbing the egg with my fork harshly. Stupid stupid stupid pretty faced fucker. "My love?" He held my free hand in his. I blushed, keeping my gaze down.

I smiled slightly before changing it quickly. "y/n-ie, pretty angel?" He caught my smile all too quickly. Obviously. I rolled my eyes, pushing his hands away. "Yeah whatever I get it." He moved closer. "My beautiful baby?" I bit my lip holding back my grin. I pushed his forehead back. "Get out of my face loser." I rolled my eyes standing up.

He stood up chuckling, grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. "Do you forgive me?" He whispered. I nodded and tried to remove his hands from my wrist. "Babe, I need words. please." I groaned and finally allowed myself to smile. "Yes I forgive you, dumbass." He pouted. "I'll try not be a dumbass again." I nodded. "Try hard." I moved to wash my dishes when he grabbed my plate from his hand.

"I'll do it." I frowned. "Its fine Chris." He hugged me from behind. "I don't wanna lose you y/n..." He mumbled against my neck. "You're not going to lose me." He sniffled and I turned around holding his face in my hands. "Hey! don't cry, everythings okay." He pouted. "Its so hard...Its so much work and I'm in so much pain...and hurting you puts me in even more pain and i just wanna be with you all day and all night b-but i can't and it's getting too much and I need a break from work and I need you and I can't lose you...."

My eyes swelled with tears. "And you're not going to lose me. Its going to be okay. I'm always going to be by your side. Whenever it gets too much and too rough I'm right here for you to lean on." I pulled him into a hug. He nuzzled his head in my neck. "Its going to be okay pretty boy." He sniffled. "It keeps getting harder love. And without you it'll just be a thousand times more worse. Please don't go." I rubbed his back gently.

"I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this okay?" He nodded. "I love you." I smiled "You know I love you too." I wiped the tears off his cheeks. "You shout at me again and I'll fist you in the face." He laughed whilst sniffling. "Yeah? You gunna hit me?" I looked at him and scoffed. "Do I look like I'm kidding?" He laughed again shaking his head. "No ma'am." He smiled.

[theheathenousfish]

professor Neil doing things for his husband because I said so (also Neil getting flustered)

it’s November 4, Andrew’s birthday. Aaron’s to Neil thinks. However he’s not married to Aaron therefore he doesn’t care. Anyway, it’s currently 5am and Neil is making Andrew breakfast. Chocolate French toast with mint chocolate ice cream and turmeric honey tea (because coffee early in the morning hurts his tummy). Neil had just finished his culinary masterpiece when Andrew walks into the kitchen and wraps his arms around Neil’s waist. “Hello sweetheart , happy birthday.” Neil whispers. Andrew absolutely does not melt when he gets called sweetheart. He doesn’t. “Mmph” is Andrew’s response. “How does it feel to be 30?” Neil asks “fucking awful. Statistically I’ve walked past 13 murderers so far” “poor baby” ���not your baby” “ no, I’m yours” Neil grins “shut up junkie” andrew grabs the sides of Neil’s head and tilts it back and kisses the top of it and goes to eat his birthday breakfast.

Andrew is making his class watch Voltron because it’s his birthday and he’s the professor. After a couple of episodes he pauses it and asks for opinions and observations about the characters. Once a couple of students have spoken he resumes the show. Andrew is trying his hardest not to smile. He fuckin loves voltron.

around 1pm Neil decided to go to Andrew’s favourite cafe and get him some lunch. He choses a strawberry whip cream croissant, chicken Cesar salad, and a butterscotch apple latte. Neil loves his husband, but he can’t let Andrew live on sugar; hence the chicken Cesar salad.

The curtain of Andrew’s classroom door wasn’t closed so Neil could see Andrew’s projector screen from where he was standing. “Oh my god. He’s making them watch Voltron” Neil laughs

Neil opens the door just as an episode is ending “ hey, drew. I brought you lunch.” “What is it?” Andrew questions. Neil grins “take a look. I think you’ll like it” “ just because Its my birthday doesn’t mean you have to feed me” Andrew states. Neil looks aghast at that “you don’t let me help with cooking, when else can I feed you” Neil complains. “ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY?!” A student screeches. “Yes. Why do you think we’re watching Voltron?” Andrew replies.

Andrew turns to Neil and raises his eyebrow looking over his glasses “anything else junkie?”

Andrew has “hot professor” glasses according to Neil. They are black, roundish square half frames with silver accents. Neil thinks they are dead sexy

“No. Nope. Nothing else. Everything is fine. I have to go.” Neil stumbles over his words. “Hmm. Are you sure?” Andrew drawls, a slight smirk on his face. “ yup. I’m good. I’ll leave now.”

Neil pulls out his phone and opens Alison’s contact “ally,I need help. Andrew is trying to kill me.” “Good god Neil. What the hell did he do?” Alison sounds like she’s trying not to laugh “he did the glasses thing! And he flirted as he did it!” Neil whines. “Oh buddy, You’re so fucked. Have fun getting dicked down tonight!” Then she hangs up. Neil looks at his phone “well shit.”

at home, Neil is reading in bed even though it’s only 6ish. Andrew walks into the bedroom an hour later and pins Neil with a very familiar look.

2.5 hours later Andrew says “thank you for today.” “Of course, love”

they fall asleep and ignore the texts from Aaron

[lesbianfakir]

Absolutely adoring the draw miku from your culture/region trend and I would love to draw miku but I would be incredibly embarrassed to draw fuckin. California gurl miku with her boba tea and avocado toast

[shroomiethefrogwhisperer]

People like my fuckin alien shit

So here. Have a list of all my characters.

Karen: Ship's mechanic. Human (American-Indian). Fun, snarky, mom vibes, dabbles in illegal drug dealing. She/Her, heterosexual. Has a brown bob with a side undercut, blue eyes, and dark tanned skin, lots of tattoos (including Rainbow Dash). She's like 36.

Steve: Comms Expert. Human (Korean-Japanese). Chill, easygoing, likes video games and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, can and will beat your ass at fortnite. He/Him, gay. Has short black hair, dark brown eyes, pale skin, and a few piercings. He's in his early twenties.

Moss: Translator. Human (Hispanic). Chaotic, sarcastic, an absolute gremlin, has a pet ratbird (keeps trying to domesticate the entire ratbird infestation that lives in the pipes). They/It, pansexual polyamorous. Has curly, bright green/pink hair, blue eyes, and slightly tanned skin. They're twenty-nine.

Zzgnaru. Ship's Captain. Alien (Nobletsk). Tired parent vibes, serious, literal, bad at nuance, loves plushies. Xey/xem, aroace. Brown/black scales, 6 yellow eyes, white horns, spiky tail, pink claws. Xey're 52.

Amethyst: Navigator. Alien (Penaconian). Sweet, happy, literally a ball of sunshine, everyone's sweetheart cutie who also has anxiety. Obsessed with anime (Moss showed him JJK and AoT, and now he's into KnY, MHA, and, like, Helluva Boss.) He/they, demiromantic bisexual. Short blonde hair with purple highlights, hazel eyes, pale skin. He's 32.

Banana: First Mate. Alien (Zzbrk). Comedic, silly, madly in love with Moss (BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET), completely unserious like Captain Jack Sparrow unserious. She/fae, poly, omnisexual. Yellow/brown scales, vitiligo skin, golden eyes, shaved head, white spikes. She's 43.

Douri: Weapons Operater #1. Alien (Aaki). Depressed as shit, loose cannon-type shit, can and will eat your tacos. It/Its, asexual panromantic. Basically just a humanoid blob of orange slime. No one knows its age.

Josh: 2nd Mate. Human (American). Kind of a psycho, hilarious, autistic, likes sharks. And things that look like sharks. Josh's boyfriend. He/Him, bisexual. Black dreadlocks, umber skin, dark eyes. He's also in his twenties.

Rhïianae: Weapons operator #2. Alien (Jawa). Collects random shit and makes guns out of them. Has severe adhd. Can never finish a project (took apart a secondary engine about a year ago and it's still disassembled). ??? skin, orange eyes, ??? Hair. Fae/Faun/It, demisexual polyamorous. Faun's in its mid-thirties.

Calixtian: Ship's Doctor. Alien (Penaconian). Likes doing experiments on beings of lesser sentience (or heck, same level-sentience, he doesn't care), mad scientist-esque, no one likes him. Blue-green hair, orange eyes, vitiligo skin. He/Him, aromantic. He's 46.

Nøræxx: Interplanetary criminal. Alien (Asgardian). Wanted for weapons smuggling and illegal mercenary work. Is the cavalry reserved for when Douri and Rhïinae are out, is the bodyguard. Dark hair, green eyes, tanned skin. She/He/They, cupioromantic asexual. 500+ years old.

Bastier. Comms student. Human (British). Clueless, cute, easily confused, has OCD, likes cats. Speaks 8 interplanetary languages (not including Earth languages, which he speaks at least twenty of). Blonde hair, pale skin, blue eyes. He/Him, heterosexual (bicurious). 19 years old.

The Ship. "Steroid Annihilator". Modified Class 8 Torigrian K-Wing Destroyer. Got its name when Zzgnaru, Karen, Douri, and Steve successfully piloted it through the Inter-Galaxian Asteroid Fields. Zzgnaru wanted to name it Ssjuokimbl (Conqueror of Rocks), but Steve suggested Asteroid Annihilator instead, and when they got it painted on the side, the artist doing the paint job spelled it wrong. Karen couldn't stop laughing for days.

Note: Steve is a Chill Gay™️, and Josh is a Chaotic Gay™️.

[instantpansies]

they sure did make a choice to have jafar just be, like, a common thief. a bad choice. frankly, a racist choice. also a choice that goes pretty much directly against the source material. but, you know, a choice.

shipping goggles firmly applied to face descendants rewatch

[augenblicklich-lila]

cod incorrect quotes #9

This one has a few more quotes since I haven't posted in a couple days. I've been enjoying this whole thing tremendously. Thank you for all the likes and reblogs! Love y'all ♡

the usual jazz, mainly Y/N/Reader stuff, platonic and romantic. Plus a sprinkle of Soapghost ♡♡♡

first speaking appearance for Graves! who'd have thunk? about time. In my defense, I had to do a lot of scrolling to get to him, okay?

- Lila

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛ ♛ （ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)つ━━✫・*。 ⊂　　 ノ 　　　・゜+. しーーＪ　　　°。+ *´¨)

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛

Soap, tending to Y/N's wounds: How would you rate your pain? Y/N: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend. Ghost: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Y/N: FORTY-FIVE SECONDS?!? Ghost: No! Four to five seconds! Soap: Too late!!!

Y/N: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise. Ghost: I beg to differ. Y/N: Then Beg. (imagining the silence that would follow this brings me great joy)

Gaz: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate, or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate? Y/N: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.

Ghost: Soap and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- Soap: Sentences. Ghost: Don't interrupt me.

Graves: I was arrested for being too cool. Y/N: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence. (a wild Graves appears!)

Y/N: I learned some very valuable lessons from this. Gaz: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away. Y/N: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

Y/N: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them. Soap: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

Y/N: Walking into a room Sorry I’m late… I was… doing things. Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder Graves: Out of breath THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

Y/N: I prevented a murder today. Ghost, raising an eyebrow: Really? How’d you do that? Y/N: self-control.

Ghost & Soap: Please, we're begging you to go to a doctor. Y/N: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

Y/N: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you. Gaz: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Y/N: Absolutely not.

Y/N: I made tea. Ghost: I don’t want tea. (bold-faced lie) Y/N: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea. Ghost: Then why are you telling me? Y/N: It is a conversation starter. Ghost: That’s a lousy conversation starter. Y/N: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

Soap: I turned out perfectly fine! Price: Soap, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast. Soap: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!! Y/N, leaning over to whisper to Gaz: should we tell him it was actually Ghost? Gaz: nah Rudy: So he thinks a ghost made it, when it was actually our Ghost? Y/N: beautifully ironic, isn't it?

König: I’m going to take you out Y/N: great, it’s a date! König: I meant that as a threat. Y/N: See you at five! (god, I need to be taken out as well.)

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛ 　 ∧＿∧ （｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*。 ⊂　　 ノ 　　　・゜+. しーＪ　　　°。+ *´¨) “Hie thee home, little wanderer.”

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛

[lilliancdoodles]

Hi, hope you’re doing well!

I really enjoy your art (especially the one for the mer au) and you’re my favourite FitMC/Pactw live blogger (mainly bc I have to work during their streams so I feel like I am in the loop when I see your posts haha).

I saw that you made a fic rec list in February and I really enjoyed your recommendations!

Do you have any more fitpac fic recommendations (or qsmp fics in general)?

Thank you!

Oiiii

I'm really glad you like the Mer art!! I'm really proud of it and im working on something that should put most of the character sheets to use. ;) . Also happy to help with the live blogging. idk how i got here i just like doing it i guess XD.

FIC RECS!!! Im so glad that you used the list and im more happy that you liked them!!! Admittedly im not in the tag as much as I was early on but I do still have a few recommendations!! All that it meant (and all that it did not) (by @yb-cringe) - On going Fantsy AU fic focusing on Fit and Ramon. only has one chapter so far but I like it a lot. Since it's only one chapter i don't want to spoil much, but the world building seems super interesting with Madagio and the border and everything. It's a prequel to a Fitpac fic that will get written later but I love fit and ramon fics so this is amazing. I'm really interested to see where it will go

I'm worried 'bout the future, aint fuckin' with the past (by @tastytoastz) - On going Time Travel AU where Tazercraft travels back in time 8 years to 2b2t. If you haven't seen me reblogging every chapter of this and freaking out, please take this as the sign to read it. It's a wonderful look at how 2b affected Fit especially while he was in the middle of it, and how it still affected him years later on Quesadilla island. It's such a good fic like everything Toast writes <333

Lightning and Thunder (by ..... Tastytoast (you can fight me if me recommending literally everything toast has ever written is a problem (/j /lh)) - One shot were Fit has trauma from lighting storms on 2b2t and Pac comforts him when one causes him to panic. Very sweet fic of protective fitmc. It's also an english translation of Blixtar och dunder (also by Toast).

Maybe you really are Alive (by @yourfauxentropy) - On going, Detroit Become Human AU , also only one chapter so far. Pac is Connor and Fit is Hank. I had a big dbh phase so im really looking forward to this one and seeing what they add

I think your roommate is hotter (by @fitpacs) - One-shot were Pac and Cellbit are friends with benefits but Pac meets Cellbit's new roommate Fit and it goes from there. It's really good and one of my favorites from Fitpacs. I read it a while ago honestly surprised it wasn't on my first list

hypotheticals (by @tinkatonic) - One-shot of Fit and Pac in different worlds, and in some of them they get to kiss. A bunch of mini peaks into different AU's like royalty, roommates, and a few others i don't want to spoil. But it's absolutely lovely and I love all of the au's so much.

Hideduo Stardew Valley AU (by @hepbaestus) - This is a series as opposed to a one shot or chapter-ed fic, but it's a Rose Family centric au series (including Rosa, Fitpacs fan child) They're all so cute, the last one made me cry. Im also happy that Richas is getting included in Rose Family stuff, i feel like he gets left out a lot.

to love is to be changed (by hepbaestus) - One-shot fic following the popular headcannon that the eggs adapted features of their parents, and this is when Ramon's eyes change to look like pacs. It's so sweet and wonderful. Hep my beloved.

Like a parody of Tantalus (by InconvenientImmortal; @shikai-the-storyteller here on tumblr) - Ongoing (?) Pac centric fic that hasn't been updated in a while, but it's still amazing. It focus on pac's relationship with food, love, and him growing up. This first chapter is so wonderful and his relationship with Isa is so sweet. There's only one chapter so far but if it ever updates i would love to keep reading it.

Teeth, Talons, and Hearts (by WyldChild) - On going modern au (i think?) where most of our cast were federation experiments but all broke out at some point and dedicate themselves to helping others who are lab experiments. They rescue 11 dragon hybrid kids and thats about where the fic is, but it follows Fit's pov and it's going to be FitPac eventually, and raising Ramon and Richas. It is a pretty dark au, the federation are EVIL, and the kids have been through hell, so pay attention to the tags and the warnings before reading. I can easily see how this isn't everyones cup of tea, but im liking it so far.

heaven found in a hellhole. (by kmsquill) - One shot purgatory fic where fit and pac get stuck in a hole hiding from Bolas and they spend that time talking and totally just being roommates. I think it's best described with two of the tags they have '#kissing #woah who put that kissing tag there' My favorite purgatory fic, honestly should have submitted it to the awards.

I said I had a few and i think this list is almost the same length as the last one. There's at least 4 more that I haven't read yet so i don't want to recommend them yet but once I do i'll probably make another post. Hope this has some stuff you would be interested in!!!

(and for anyone else here is the og fic rec list)

[chipthekeeper]

Acolyte episode 5 commentary by me under the cut. spoiler alert: I had a bad time!!!

- Let’s hope the fucking internet keeps working. And the cats stay laying down. I don't have high hopes for either of those things, but it would be nice

- Oh, predictable. Last week was Day, now we got Night. Who could have seen that coming? This was definitely supposed to be one episode, wasn't it?

- 34 minutes long. Jesus fucking christ. Why didn't they just put them together?

- It really would be cool if Manny is just being— I mean, if Qimir is just being controlled. I think that's a really cool theory that people had about that. Especially if he was, like, hanging [laughing] by his feet, and then whoever was controlling him had to be like, what the fuck?

- No, Pip! :((( Oh, thank God. [relieved laughter] I don't care who dies in this, just don't lose, Pip. Okay, that's, I mean I don't want to lose Jecki, or Yord, or Osha or Mae. Sol, I, whatever. He's Ned Stark to me, I don't care (so much to regret about this whole statement!!!!)

- Oh, he's already dead. How many of them are already dead? Did we already, is this just going to be Osha, like, experiencing all of their deaths? What happened?!

- Hot damn

- Get him, Yord! Oh. Ohhh no. So fast

- [just like two straight minutes of me saying “woah” and “oh no” and “what the HELL” on repeat]

-  (two people impaled on one lightsaber) WHAAAA??? That. Was. NUTS! [delighted laughter]

- No don't kill Yooorrrddddddd! Get him, Osha! There you go. Thatta girl!

- Oh, I am scared

- Dude, I'm so scared, we're like, one minute into this

- Take his lightsab– heeehhh I'm always right

- Pip chill! [absolutely giggling] She just popped his head off and he's a flashlight! [more giggling] Oh my god

- Duck! Heyyyyy

- So that's obviously Manny's arm

- (all the trees get cut in half) Sweet. That’s one way to brighten up your scene

- Oh, why so serious?

- [sort of a long period of ‘I’m in danger’ type of nervous chuckling]

- Oh thank god, Bazil's alive

- “We have to go back!” Ehhhh you really don't

- [during dramatic scene between the stranger and Sol] He's, like, wearing a cape backwards, which is hys.ter.i.cal

- Mae chill, that's like, your sister's girlfriend

- Jecki's the only one that can get anything done around here?.... Oh, okay, maybe not

- You just wait 'til her Wolverine claws come out. Then you're fucked Mae

- We’ve got some serious lightsabering in this one, this is fucking crazy

- Ho ho ho. [singsong voice] What are you hiiiiiding Sol….

- “Jecki’s a Jedi. She can take care of herself” Nyyyeaahhhh…we just saw like, eight Jedi not take care of themselves

- [cackling about Yord’s trailer lines finally coming up]

- “He gets in your mind and stays there” “My mother could do that” Huh!!!.......Is she controlling what's-his-face? Ho ho ho…….

- Nooooo fucking thank you please!

- Jecki I fucking love you, you little badass

- [high pitched whining] I got a bad feeling about this

- YORD!! Fucking idiot, j–thank you

- Take the bugs with yooouuu!

- (Jecki gets skewered) WHAT THE FUCK?!?! No…..Oh now I'm pissed. Now I'm pissed. [breathless] I cannot believe you just fucking did that…..Oh my god. That better be a trick……….I can't even react to seeing that we were all right about him. I'm….just pissed……..Oh fuck this shit

- Why are his arms so weird? They're like...are they just dirty or are they weird?

- And now Yord’s toast too. 'Cause no one is safe in this house

- Fuck this fucking show

- “The Jedi do not attack the unarmed” You SHOULD attack an unarmed Sith!!

- YOU’RE GONNA EVEN KILL PIP I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING

- “Please Osha, I can explain” Yeah do that, right now, do that

- [totally defeated and depressed] I didn’t like that shit at all. This shit sucks, man….

- “They’ve turned you against me” [perfect anakin skywalker impression] HE TURNED YOU AGAINST ME!!!!

- man i’m so fuckin’ confused……what’s gonna happen now??

- [delighted noised at the continuous shot going around the two Amandlas] WHAT A SHOT!!! Are we sure Amandla Stenberg isn’t two people?

- [Leo pointing at tv meme] That's mama's move!!

- Easiest haircut ever

- [almost crying] Little piece of Pip :(((( Fuck this episode, man. God

- Of course we got Bazil, can't kill a cute little alien

- (Mae showing up to Sol as Osha) [singsong voice again] You don't have the tattoooo….

- You're just gonna leave them all there???? Man….fuck. this. shit.

- Bazil knowssss…..that’s not Oshaaaa….

- I wonder how many times people have knocked his helmet off and he’s had to kill them and then fix the helmet

- [incredibly deep sigh] That was somethin’. And I’m not happy

It’s sad how many sounds and like intonations you miss out on because i have no idea how to convey those in words

[docdufresne]

dilled cabbage soup recipe thanks to my gma s/o to ruby

2 cups shredded cabbage 1 lg onion chopped Celery chopped (use your heart or whatevers in the fridge) 2 tbsp butter/oil 3 potatoes sliced up 2 tbsp flour 1/2 cup sour cream 1 box chicken broth dill pepper saute cabbage, onion and celery in butter for 15 mins, covered in big soup pot. add all but 1/2 cup of broth and the potatoes and cook a little bit. In the 1/2 cup of broth you have left, whisk the flour and stir in that soup pot. bring to boil, then reduce heat and let simmer for about 20 mins and stir when needed. In the sour cream, ladle some of that hot broth and mix together so it doesn't split, and then add that back to the soup and stir in with your dill and pepper. after the sour cream is added, try not to let come back to a boil. you should be gucci at this point and yeah add leek (cuz leek and potato and cabbage is my bae) when you're sauteing if you want, add bacon, add cheese... whatever you want. legitimately if you make this that'd be so rad! or if anyone who follows you was looking for an excuse to make a soup HERE IT IS good vibes to you and yours

YEAAAAHHHHH

This sounds absolutely amazing I cannot wAIT to make this soup and have some toasted bread and stuff

Sounds like it would go great with salmon too

Thank you so much to you and your grandmother Ruby!! I'm so excited to make soup this season hell fuckin yeah anon

[willshipanything-blog]

Breaking the Rules- Chapter 10

Next chapter up! Some very cute sibling-type moments for Y/N and Max here, and things start to look up! That is, until certain secrets start to come to light....

Usual warnings, Minors DNI, full tags on AO3, along with the fic there if you prefer.

Full chapter index here!

Chapter 10- The Empty House

You had dreaded what the morning might bring after confessing to Al what you had learned about him, and him tearing open those wounds to retell his story. Especially since you’d spoken such cruel words. Words you knew had thrashed at Al’s psyche, stinging as any physical crack of a belt- even if Al had swallowed back the pain. But the night had ended on a sweet, apologetic note. And the morning after had brought even more apologies, your reassurances that you loved Al accompanied by a wanton need, those desires culminating in a wonderfully shameless scene of you on your knees before him.

He’d held you awhile afterwards, the pair of you drowsing in your sweaty, halcyon bliss before Al had to peel himself away to get ready for work. His promise to return the favor for your smutty little act soon enough left your toes curling, a slow stroke of his tongue up the curve of your neck a precursor to what he would do to you later. You just hoped the scarlet in your cheeks had dissipated by the time you dressed and padded out of the bedroom.

In the kitchen, Max had already seated himself at the breakfast table with a bowl of cereal and plate of toast in front of him. You gave a sincere, affirming nod in his direction as you entered; a silent signal that things were ok. No- they were better than ok, given all that had happened. Your straight-lipped face arched into a smile, which Max cheerfully returned.

“All good?” he asked brightly.

“All good!” you echoed in the same cheerful trill, grabbing a bowl and dropping onto the stool opposite Max. You shook the open cereal box above your bowl, not caring about the inevitable sugar rush as you helped yourself to a huge helping of Magic Puffs. Max nudged the milk carton across the table. 

“Scout, I just wanted to say sorry. I know me yapping about all that stuff opened a whole fuckin’ can of worms, and I didn’t mean to lay it all on you, and then all this stuff with Al and-”

“Max,” you rebuked, irritated only by the fact Max felt the need to apologize at all, “You have nothing to be sorry for, ok? You needed to talk, and I was there to listen. Never feel guilty about trying to share your worries with me. That’s what friends are for.” Your hand had found its way atop Max’s, had reached over the table to give a reassuring squeeze. Max’s hand jerked beneath yours, as if a consoling touch was a foreign, almost painful gesture. Like skin touching a scalding stove rather than a warm embrace. He righted himself, looking up at you with those chocolate brown eyes.

“Thanks, Y/N,” Back to Christian names, you thought, Max must be serious. “It felt good- to talk, ya know? And you know you can do the same, right? Like, I know you said you didn’t wanna go over what happened to you, and I’ll absolutely respect that, Scout. But you can talk, if you’re ever feeling like you need to, ‘kay?”

You returned a small, silent smile that didn’t quite stretch to your suddenly watery eyes. Forcing the kind words to outweigh the guilt of the lies you’d created about your own past. A hand now moved on top of yours, Max’s turn to mirror your earlier gesture. It felt safe, soothing. The weight of his hand on yours, the warm palm and the fingers tapping consolatory against yours, only added to the guilt. The guilt, the absolute shame of realizing the horrors the Shaw brothers had endured, whilst pretending your own childhood had been filled with the same. Still, how truthful could you expect to be with Max without tearing your perfectly woven story to shreds? You murmured a vague statement in response. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Max. Thank you.” Your past was a deceit, but at least your gratitude for Max's kindness was genuine. You slid out your hand from between his, suddenly finding your cereal the most interesting thing in the world. Max retreated back to his own breakfast too, the silence in the kitchen perforated only by the clang of metal spoons against crockery and the crunch of cereal, as well as Max’s occasional slurping of milk.

“Jeez, dove, I didn’t realize how damn late it was, did y- oh, mornin' Max.” Al had surged into the kitchen, barely looking over to the table before he began yanking open cupboard doors in a frantic rush. You turned in your seat to see him upending every item in a low cupboard before retrieving a thermos, obviously taking his coffee to-go this morning. 

“No time for breakfast?” you asked as he nimbly filled the flask from the luckily pre-prepared coffee machine.

“‘Fraid not,” he tutted, eyeing the cereal box on the table and the toast in front of Max, “Though I’m not sure a bowl of pure sugar really constitutes ‘breakfast’. I gotta run anyway, see you both later.” He planted a quick kiss on your cheek, and was halfway to standing when Max decided to join the fun. 

“What, no kiss for your little brother?” he mock-pouted, double tapping his cheek in jest. Remarkably, Al did lean over, dispensing a kiss right where Max had indicated, even sounding out a theatrical ‘mwah’ before bolting from the room, leaving Max (and you) in stunned silence. 

Al was already across the kitchen threshold before Max looked down, realizing his toast had been snatched from under his nose, looking at the empty plate in wide-mouthed disbelief. 

“First rule of magic, Max,” you chuckled as the front door slammed shut, picturing the smug smile plastered on Al’s face. “Misdirection.”

After breakfast, you suggested your regular routine might get things back to normal after yesterday’s turmoil.

“So, we taking Samson out for a W-A-L-K?” You spelled the final word, having been bulldozed by the huge hound last time you suggested a walk out loud. 

“Actually Scout, mind if we hold off for a little while? I saw an old buddy from high school yesterday, just bumped into him on the street. Well, he works as a cashier at Hill’s- you know, the grocery store- anyway, he said they were looking for people for the warehouse and so I gave him my number- well your number, so I might be getting a phone call soon and-” Max was effusing, but you’d gotten the gist of his ramblings, so graciously stopped him with your own ardor.

“Max, that's great! Why didn’t you say anything about it yesterday?”

“Well, things got a bit heavy with us down…” he gestured his head towards the basement door, silently reminding you both of the things Max had admitted to you in that oppressive stairwell, his heart pouring out, practically bleeding down the wooden steps. He carried on, calmer than before at the mention of the previous day’s events. “And I didn’t wanna tell Al yet, cause then I might get his hopes up and then might not even GET the damn job and he’d only be disappointed in me like usual.”

Max’s shoulder had slumped, his expression forlorn- a million miles from the animated fervor he’d shown not a minute earlier. What was it with the Shaw brothers and their ridiculously low self-esteem? Well, you actually did know the answer to that now. But you’d soon change that, in both of them. 

“Max,” you sighed, not so subtly declaring your frustration at Max’s view of himself as a disappointment, “Al doesn’t think badly of you at all, ok? Especially now you’ve gotten yourself clean and are trying to do better. But we can wait until you get a definite job to tell him if it makes you feel better.” His discomfort transformed back into an earnest, appreciative smile at your assurance. “But I have a very good feeling about this, Max.”

“Yeah, to be honest, I’m feeling good about it too. Crazy who you can just bump into walking down the street, huh?”

“Crazy. Like it was fate or something.”

Things were looking up, and you were determined this upward trend would continue, holding onto the hope that things would carry on improving. For Al. For Max. For you. If they were happy, so were you- they were your family, after all. Max, your best friend and confidante, perhaps even a brother. And Al- well, he was your everything. Both your own and his happiness depended on the other, a beautiful symbiosis of soulmates. Your world had shrunk considerably these last several months- but if it was just the two of you ruling your own little world, you could content yourself with that.   

Al first, then. You’d worried about your guilt potentially growing, burgeoning like an overgrown, unwanted weed since you’d spoken those stabbing words to him. When you’d alluded very clearly to the Grabber, even when Al was doing everything to extricate that monster from his life. But the days following didn’t feel tense or strained. A fresh slate, wiped clean of hurtful words that seemed forgotten and forgiven entirely. All that remained were evenings composed of tender embraces, sprawling on the couch in front of some old movie, and your nights together of needful passions, a blurred, blissful montage of skin and tongues and fingers and every type of licentious act you and Al pleased to enact. There were even a couple nights of your illicit Quiet Game, where your gross inability to stay silent ensured a few extra notches were carved into the mental tally. The only slate that hadn’t been wiped clean, that ever-increasing number filling you with an anticipatory thrill of things to come. 

Yes, things with Al were good. Better than good- as perfect as it had ever been. Because he’d opened up, been honest about his past. No more secrets threatening to cleave you both apart like an axe hewing a log into two splintered parts. It was like your relationship had been built anew, on stronger foundations this time, sturdy and unwavering, ready to face any tide together. 

Max was next on your agenda. His fateful meeting with an old friend came to fruition, and he managed to land that job. Although, you did cringe behind a couch pillow when he answered the phone; first in nervous anticipation, then in muted horror when he nearly slipped a ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ three or four times in conversation. But he hung up the phone wearing the biggest grin on his face, his dimples deeper than you’d ever seen. Samson hadn’t bowled you over that morning, but Max sure did when he launched a hug in your direction (more a football tackle, but you let him spin you round regardless). 

On your belated walk that morning, Max was even more spirited than usual- a feat in itself- throwing around ideas and questions faster than you could process. When he posed a question to you about whether a trainee ‘Warehouse Operative’ would be allowed to ‘drive one of those forklift thingies’, you humored him with a hopeful, albeit aloof ‘yeah, maybe!’, closing your eyes for a moment and savoring the mental image of the outcome of such a decision. That painted a grin on your face almost as wide as Max’s.  

“Anything in that one?”

“Nah, more of the same,” Max sighed dejectedly. You were still on your mission to help out in any way you could, and right now that determination was on finding Max the perfect place to move into. You’d both been apartment hunting, flicking through reams of newspaper ads, mostly promising far too few amenities for far too many dollars. “Too expensive, no pets, no pets, too far away, waaay outta my price range…” Max trailed off, silently mouthing the scores of apartment ads looking for something suitable- no mean feat with a limited budget and a 110-pound cane corso in tow.

“Max, you know you don’t have to move straight away, right? Me and Al aren’t kicking you out or anything- we do like you staying with us, you know!” You really did love having Max around, and it brought out that protective, brotherly side of Al that you adored, watching the two of them goof around and fight. Like any normal brothers who might have shared any normal childhood. Now that Max had started his job, you’d missed his company on the few weekdays he worked. You'd almost forgotten what it was like to spend the stretch of the workday home alone, so would gladly have Max stay on at the house for a time. On the plus side, you and Al were secretly glad Max had weekend shifts scheduled, having whole Saturdays to yourselves again!

“Shit, rentals really don’t like pets, do they?” Max tutted, throwing down the newspaper on the coffee table and sinking into the couch beside you. As if in apology, Samson let out a plaintive whine from his bed in the corner. “Aww, don’t worry boy! You know I won’t leave you, dontcha?” Placated by Max’s buoyant tone, the dog gave a clipped bark before laying his head back to resume his afternoon nap. In turn, you placated Max, promising he wouldn’t have to leave until he found the perfect apartment. 

“Thanks, Y/N. I never realized it’d be this hard to settle down like a normal person.” You looked up from your own page, giving a conciliatory smile before continuing to skim the ads. Max continued his discouraged grievance. “A damn shame Al doesn’t still have that house over the street.” He let out a long exhale, before sitting back up and reaching for the next newspaper. 

It must have been another 30 seconds, your mind preoccupied with rental prices and half-baths, before what Max had just said registered fully in your brain. You folded down the newspaper, furrowing your brow as you looked at Max in bafflement.

“Wait, what was that about Al?” you snapped, a little more forcefully than you’d expected, taking you both by surprise.

“Huh? Oh, I was just saying- shame Al sold that house a few years back,” Max turned on the couch towards the window, pointing at the house opposite. You jerked around too, following Max’s finger to its target, eyeing the rundown old house across the street, almost facing but set a little to the left.

“The one with the tree in the yard?”

“Yup, that’s the one. Coulda paid Al cheap rent, and I’d have been so close to you guys! Guess it wasn’t in the cards.”

“But that house. It’s empty.” In all the time you’d been here, you’d never seen anyone come or go through the front door. No lights in any window, no one mowing the grass that was sun-bleached and overgrown. As if Al had sold it to a ghost. Max simply shrugged, suggesting it was foreclosed on someone before you moved in with Al. He turned back to the stacks of papers on the coffee table and you tentatively angled back around too, supposing that Max was right. It did seem like something unimportant years after the fact- but then why was your immediate reaction one of unease and suspicion?

“Alright, how many we got, Scout?”

“Um-,” you pulled yourself from thoughts of the empty house, your determination to help Max actually find an apartment still strong. Collating the few ads you’d circled that might fit the bill, you handed them to Max. “Just, er, three potentials in the end.”

“Cool. I’m gonna do a drive-by to check them out, wanna come?”

You declined, watching Max’s old Firesweep peel down the street with a plume of spluttering gray smoke trailing it. Once out of sight, your eyes swept back to the house across the street. Maybe it was just your imagination that had your mind reeling. Easily helped along by the suitably creepy gnarled tree, the clear signs of abandonment in the peeling paint, each dusty window and chipped roof tile. It wasn’t any secret- Max had known about the house- and it’d be easy enough to ask Al about it if you were curious, which clearly you were. 

Over dinner, talk was mostly centered around Max’s new job, with Al dryly congratulating him for not being fired after his first week. Apartment hunting had gone well, too, and Max had raved about one in particular- close by, in his price range, and pets allowed too! When he began to murmur about affording rent with his weekly paychecks, but not having a security deposit ready, Al barely glanced up from his bowl of chili to assure Max that he’d see to that, as long as Max got all the paperwork in order. The broad grin and dimples surfaced instantly at his big brother’s benevolence, with Max giving a playful punch to Al’s arm along with his enthusiastic thanks. 

A lull in the conversation had your mind recalling your earlier doubts, and it felt as good a time as any to bring up the empty house. 

“Max was saying- it’s a shame about you not still owning that house across the way.” You hadn’t asked directly, though your tone as you spoke verged on accusatory, gauging Al’s reaction to your words carefully. The briefest of flashes shone in his eye before he explained, seemingly open to talking about it after all. 

“Wow, I’m surprised you remember that, Max,” he said nonchalantly, looking to his brother with a raised eyebrow before settling back to talk to you. “Yeah, I moved out a few years after our father died, once I knew mom would be ok on her own. I hadn’t lived there very long before she got sick, and once she needed round the clock care, I just hauled myself back to our old bedroom,” he paused to take a bite of cornbread, and you noted a sudden hush from the usually rowdy side of the table Max sat at. He was looking down, suddenly keen to avoid this conversation. Was he … ashamed of something? 

“Anyway!” Al continued brightly, “It was silly to keep both houses after she passed when it was just me.” That last part was laced with a layer of disdain. Max hadn’t glanced up from his meal, keeping quiet and visibly sheepish at the comment. Al had pointedly emphasized the ‘just me’ portion of his speech, but resumed eating without looking Max’s way, ignoring the heavy tension that had dropped over the dinner table like an atom bomb. 

In an instant, all thoughts about the house Al had owned vanished, replaced by a heavy guilt that you had caused a sudden, awkward rift between the Shaw brothers. You hadn’t meant for this to happen. It felt strange to try and offer an apology, when you knew Al would insist it wasn’t your fault- and wouldn’t that just make things even more strained? So like Max, you kept quiet and finished your dinner in frigid silence. The sudden animosity over what had been discussed (and what had been omitted) was clear when Max quietly offered to clear up after dinner, and Al had coolly walked away from the table and into the living room, gesturing you to join. You trailed after with a small, fleeting smile at Max who acknowledged it with a terse nod. 

Al dropped to the couch, and you cozied up beside him on the middle seat. Based on the dinner conversation, piecing together the fragmented clues with what you already knew, it seemed there was a bitterness within Al that Max had left Denver, left Al alone to deal with issues at home. And on Max’s end, guilt and obvious regret at that fact. 

“Al,” you spoke on a hushed breath, rubbing his tense forearm with placating strokes, the corded muscle beneath the skin taut with strained irritation. “He’s here now, isn’t he?” Al looked at you then, his eyes softening. “He’s trying to be better- just like you, right?” That statement hit its mark, the fact that Max really was aspiring to do better- getting clean, the move, the job, the apartment- all evident. Keeping your presence a secret, being honest about his past. Max’s sins paled in comparison to his brother’s. If Al could be forgiven, so could Max. Al released a long, breathy sigh. 

“You’re right, dove. Of course you are.” His arm relaxed beneath your touch, and he planted a soft kiss to your cheek. 

Max appeared at the living room threshold just then, holding three cold beers in an apparent peace offering. Al urged him to hurry up, as The Price is Right was just starting, Max’s favorite game show (no matter how hopeless he was at guessing correctly). You patted the seat beside you, and Max plonked himself down, handing the beers down the line. As far as reconciliations went, it was quick and simple. Beer and TV, was that all it took to reform that brotherly bond? You’d have to remember that one, you thought incredulously. 

The momentary schism had been seemingly mended, allowing your thoughts to drift to other worries. You zoned out of the TV show, Bob Barker’s voice fading to a buzzing drone as previous doubts resurfaced. You felt a chill on the nape of your neck. Not a draft of wind from the open window behind you (it was a balmy summer’s night), but as if the house across the street was calling you, those withered branches on the dead tree like fingers beckoning. Those doubts had been eclipsed by the tension over another matter entirely, but they had returned in full force, clawing at your mind. 

Ask another time, you thought inwardly, not wanting to rock the boat anymore tonight. You doubled your efforts, shaking away those apprehensions and joining Al and Max in their playful bickering over how much a washer dryer set actually cost. Those fears soon evaporated, lost in the warmth of the evening, unable to be heard over the playful familial squabble that signaled a clear return to normal. 

Al had felt things settle this week, a calm serenity falling over the house. The quiet after the storm that had thundered through these walls: revelations about his and Max’s awful childhood, the parallels with his father, his little dove’s cutting remarks about the inescapable horrors the Grabber’s victims had faced. Her words on the matter had dug into him as deep as the blade that had embossed the flurry of white scars across his chest. The memory of her words would be as permanent as the scarring, her tongue spewing those barbs inflicting as much pain as her delicate hand clasping the knife’s hilt. 

Of course, the reality was much different- it had been Al’s fault entirely. He had enough clarity to understand that. How he had forced the knife into her hand, he who was undoubtedly guilty of the accusations she had thrown his way. She was blameless; still a strong beacon of light against the inescapable darkness he’d dragged her into. And because of her goodness, her understanding of the things he’d been through, her innate ability to forgive despite his transgressions, the storm passed and the dust settled. They’d reconciled quickly, and life had gone on as normal. Well, as close to normal as their situation might ever permit. 

It must be the universe’s way of saying ‘fuck you’, Al thought wryly. Every time things seemed good, even for a little while, a new obstacle, some malignant threat surfaced that threatened to shred the safe cocoon of him and Y/N. And though Max hadn’t meant anything by what was clearly an innocent, passing comment, Al couldn't help but feel a resentment that his brother once again knew just the thing to say to cause more upset. Max running his mouth, meaning Al needed to concoct yet another damn lie, his final secret, to keep his dove safe from the worst of himself. 

She couldn’t find out about the house across the street, the house that Al had never sold. The one that held so many ghosts- perhaps literally so when he thought of the things buried there. He’d been back only once in the recent past, to hide the wooden box that had been stowed away in Max’s room before his visit. But even then, Al hadn’t the stomach to venture into the basement. Could hardly even bear thinking about it these days, when he was trying to see himself as a better man than the one who had committed the worst, most sickening evil. 

His little thing had asked about the house with a sharp edge, as if she knew something was amiss. What if she kept prying? What if her obvious doubts didn’t quell? He’d have to come up with some sort of distraction, interrupt those pervading thoughts and occupy her mind with something else entirely. The idea that came to mind was completely shameful, though Al secretly smirked at the thought of how he would go about it. 

Would it be completely reprehensible for a small part of him to wish her to continue asking? Without a doubt. But he knew they’d both enjoy the consequences of her inquisitive prying.