#youre 54 years old and raising your voice at me when i did nothing wrong

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

[peakywitch]

Alibi - Sean Wallace

“ Hiya creative human being! I was wondering if you could make an imagine with Sean Wallace using 19,28,54 in which he comes back home after been hiding and find out his girlfriend was pregnant and they have a 2-moth-old baby girl???? Random, I know. Love your writing, bye 💕 “

19.  “It’s a long story.” “You made me believe you were dead. For eleven months. I have time.” 

28.   “What…is this?”

54.   “I had no choice.”

words: 3097

TW: strong vocabulary, blood, death and yeah

Jesus i have been writing this shit for months MONTHS now, hope you enjoy it!

MASTERLIST

A year ago

"Marian?" Y/N's voice sounded behind the door of the Wallace residence, alarmed “Marian, your car is outside! Open up, please! "

The knocks of her hand against the door sounded incessant. It was eleven o'clock on a cold and rainy Sunday night. No one was to be seen on the street. Her white sneakers were soaked in water and mud, staining them in strange colors. She had stepped on several puddles while running the blocks that separated her from her mother-in-law.

Through the window, Y/N could see that the light came on in the hallway, letting her know that someone was in the house. Impatient and nervous, she clenched her fingers tightly. When the lock began to click, Y/N bit her lip, and nervously combed her hair.

"Y/N?"

Marian was wearing black satin pajamas that brought out the white of her skin and was barefoot but wearing stockings. How could she?

"You were Sleeping?" Y/N asked, unable to understand the situation.

"Of course, Y/N. Tomorrow I have to work early."

The woman spoke tiredly and calmly, she was not upset.

"So Sean is here." She affirmed, breathing for a second and closing her eyes. She realized that she was holding her breath, or at least taking short breaths.

"Sean is not here." The woman denied.

The girl's eyes widened in fear. Marian knew in an instant that everything was wrong.

It was five in the morning; the moon was still hidden behind rain-laden clouds. Three hundred and fifteen calls had gone out of Y/N's phone to Sean's phone. Marian, with her phone, had sent hundreds of messages and the whole family was alerted. No matter the schedule, there were people on every block in London looking for Sean Wallace.

Each call that was diverted to the mailbox was one more tear than Y/N cried. Finn had been killed a year ago, but this had nothing to do with the anniversary of his father's death. He would have warned Billy, so his brother can explain to us all. This was not typical of him.

Nine months ago

Marian set the food on the black marble table and began to store groceries in each drawer. She started the conversation by suggesting to her daughter-in-law that she go to a doctor, to which she laughed.

"I don't want to go without Sean, I won't do this alone."

The woman rolled her eyes, she was stubborn.

"You will not be alone, Y/N." she whispered, as she put down the milk cartons and hugged the young woman. “I am with you, I will help you with whatever you need. Always."

"I can't do this without Sean, Mar." The girl cried, in the woman's arms "I just can't, I ..."

Marian's heart ached just to see the girl Sean loved so devastated, sad, and desolate. There were no words to comfort her or enough hugs to heal her. Her heart ached, she felt lost.

"I will go with you. I will hold your hand and celebrate with you if it is a boy like you want. I will help you put together the room, the crib ... I will teach you everything I learned with three children." She smiled through tears, as she stroked the girl's hair with teary eyes.

Y/N's arms encircled Marian's body, as she

smiled and affirmed that everything would be fine over and over again.

Three months ago

Y/N was in the hospital bed, her white and pink coat was tied and the sweat on her forehead was dry. Marian was sitting in the chair to the right of the bed. She was reading a magazine while thinking that Y/N was resting.

Although she had her water broken, the doctors found it appropriate for her to rest a couple of hours to regain energy before starting the final stage.

"If Sean doesn't show up today..." Y/N whispered, diverting Marian from her magazine. She raised her eyes and approached the young woman so that she did not have to exert a lot of force "If he doesn't appear these days, then..." she took a deep breath, swallowed with effort, and continued "then he is no longer here with us."

"Y/N, Sean... he..."

“No, he promised. He would never leave me alone in this. No ant moves a damn leaf without the idiot knowing. If he doesn't show up in a week, then he's dead, Marian."

The anger in the girl's voice hit her like a bucket of ice water.

Her son.

Her Sean.

Dead.

Marian's eyes filled with tears, just thinking about it broke her heart. The pain made her ignore the apology the girl whispered. Everything was spinning.

So what if Y/N was right?

What if Sean was dead?

Even with the weight of the woman's words, Marian remained there in the hospital. She moved impatiently in time with the clock on the wall. After three hours of parading down the long, white corridor a few thousand times, the doctor mentioned Y/N's name.

"Yes, I am her family." She responded with a slightly nervous smile to the doctor's question. Marian walked shyly through the door, and there she saw Y/N with a small baby in her arms and a smile as big as the sun on her face. Her eyes were full of tears, and her fingers gently caressed the baby's small nose.

Y/N looked up and saw Marian nervous and anxious at the door, watching from afar.

"And?" she smiled "Wouldn't you like to meet your granddaughter, Marian?"

Marian was able to regain consciousness when she saw the blue eyes of a baby staring at her. Those blue eyes, so typical of Sean. Her eyes were very prominent. She had pink cheeks, a nose as small as a button, and soft, plump lips.

"Say hello to your grandma, Olive."

"Olive Wallace," Marian smiled, "Welcome to the family, beautiful."

Present

Marian, Y/N, and Olive had been the best trio London could have ever met. The baby was a fan of photos, or so it seemed since in each photo she looked excellent. Wherever Y/N and Olive were, Marian was by their side. They took care of each other and helped Y/N rest on days that work took a little longer and Olive wouldn't stop crying. Marian had been faithful to her, teaching her tricks, unthinkable ways of doing things, and offering her a shoulder to cry on when she felt like she couldn't take it anymore.

That afternoon had been like any other. After lunch they both bundled up, Y/N bundled Olive up and went for a walk so they could enjoy the cold with a coffee and a good chat.

When they returned, laughing they opened the door. Olive was sleeping peacefully in her pram and Marian was remembering aloud one of the most disastrous days of her life.

"I swear to God, I love my kids but I would never go back to that damn picnic."

Marian took Olive upstairs so she could put the baby to bed in her adorable pink crib. And while Y/N took off her cover, she walked to the kitchen to start making Olive’s dinner.

Although she was happy and infinitely grateful to Sean's mother for having always been by his side, Y/N kept wondering how this last year would have been with her husband by her side. Would he have taken more photos than Marian? Would he speak to Olive, trying to calm her down all those early mornings before her birth in which she wouldn't let her sleep? And suddenly, among so many questions, her eyes burst into tears when she imagined what it would have been like to paint Olive's room with him, see him full of paint, excited, tired, perhaps frustrated by something with the brush or the color. She couldn't help it, the pain overwhelmed her every time Sean's face appeared in her memory. She couldn't even look at his photos, how would she tell Olive who he is, or was, Sean?

She wiped her tears with the sleeves of her woolen sweater, lightly scraping her skin and looking out the kitchen window that overlooked the backyard. Sean loved that garden. He liked to sit on the grass on the days he had off in the spring and read. Or he would watch Y/N take care of her plants for hours, from sunrise to sunset. Then he would fill her face with kisses, pulling grass out of her hair and putting a flower in her ponytail.

“Sean, I ask you for the love of Olive, don’t be dead. I know you checked the cameras every night, so you will listen to me. Please…” she whispered through tears “please don't be dead, come home, I won't be able to without you. I don't want any of this without you. "

As she got ready to prepare Olive's bottle, she heard the rain begin to fall heavily. The sky seemed to fall, as did Y/N's hopes.

As she waited for the microwave timer to ring, her cell phone rang.

Elliot, she read.

"Hello, Elli." Y/N smiled, tired, and trying to sound normal.

"Are you at home?" he asked, agitated. A shrill horn sounded, a few screams, and more honks.

"What happened?"

"Are you at home, or are you not? I need help!" he yelled, then cursed another driver. She pulled the phone away from her ear, briefly stunned.

"Yes, how far away are you?"

The adrenaline rush of the Wallace family business was something that always left a sweet taste in her mouth. She hated violence, but she was almost addicted to the adrenaline it brought.

"I'm parking outside."

The cell phone fell from Y/N's hand, allowing her to call out to Marian with a yell and run to the door at the same time. She flung it open, watching as Elliot and Bill lowered a man with his face covered in blood.

"Oh shit." Y/N was disgusted, containing the retching.

Elliot and Billy knew Sean and Y/N's house by heart, so they took the dying man to the bathroom.

Or so she thought.

The amount of blood she saw made her dizzy, her eyes closed and her back pinned itself to the wall. After taking a deep breath, she felt Marian close the door.

She corroborated the girl's state with a simple question and a caress on her hair. The poor girl could only smile.

"I think that man is going to die, you know?" laughed sadly Y/N “We can only send money to his wife and children. As we do with everyone. "

Marian's lips were tight, she was disgusted, but Y/N was right. That was something she admired about her, she was always right and it was easy for her to tell the painful truth.

She followed her into the kitchen and watched her sit at the table, staring at the wall. Marian was pouring her a glass of water so she could calm down. They remained silent, and it was not until she had completely drunk the glass that she spoke.

“Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't met Sean. I think I would still be at my mother's house, without a partner, and with a cat."

“There is no way to know that, Y/N. Because you met him and now that…” the woman stopped short, she wouldn't say it “and now that you are here, we are a family. With Billy, Elliot, Olive… we are a family, okay? And we will be there for you, always."

When she was about to answer, Elliot walked into the kitchen. His shirt was bathed in red, all wrinkled. The bleeding cut on his eyebrow alarmed the two women, and the interrogation soon began.

What happened, why, how, where.

Elliot answered everything. An undercover agent broke his alibi, a gang from a strange-named country, near downtown.

"Where is he?" Y/N asked.

"In Sean's office." Elliot replied.

"What is he doing in Sean's office!?" yelled Y / N, and ran off.

"Y/N!"

Elliot chased her through the house, calling out her name. But Y/N all she heard were complaints from herself, Sean's office? Really?

"You have to ask for my permission, Elliot!" she yelled, reaching the door.

"No, Y/N, we ..."

“You nothing, Elliot. This is my house and Sean’s; you can't put anybody in his office! "

Y/N was furious, the screaming had awakened Olive.

“What even is all of these?!” she screamed, the blood always drove her crazy “Listen to me well…” the woman pointed out to the man covered in blood “when I come back in two minutes, I want my husband's office empty and that man in the bathtub in the downstairs room. I don't want blood on the rugs, because you'll clean it up yourself. You heard me?"

Elliot nodded poker-faced, as he watched the woman walk away from him.

Y/N entered her screaming daughter's room with a tired smile. And having closed the door behind her, she took her in her arms and began to sing a soft song to her so that she could fall asleep.

"Olive... princess, sleep with the little angels, mommy loves you..." she whispered at the end of the song, as she left the sleeping baby back in her crib.

"So, I'm a nobody?" a voice whispered from the door.

Y/N spun as fast as light.

There was Sean.

Bathed in blood, with his hair short and no beard. His face was swollen from several punches and had a new scar on his lip. But still, he had that mischievous smile on him. His eyes were tired, but they still held the same sparkle as Olive's.

"You're dead." Y/N assured.

"No, Y/N, I ..."

"Marian!" Y/N cried out.

The rapid footsteps climbing the stairs were heard throughout the house, Sean did not move his eyes from his wife.

"Sean..." Marian whispered in shock. She looked him up and down, saw the blood, the blows, and the cuts. Then, between tears and a sob, she hugged him. They both hugged tightly, and all Y/N wanted to do was throw up.

The blood, the smell, her husband… everything. Everything made her dizzy.

“Where were you?” she murmured, a shiver bathed her body.

“I am sorry…” he started, but she interrupted him abruptly.

“I don’t fucking care if you are sorry or not! Tell me where the fuck you were, because I just went through the hardest year of my life alone, Sean!” she shouted from the top of her lungs.

“It’s a long story, baby, and I am all beaten up.” He smiled tiredly.

He has the nerve to smile?

“You made me believe you were dead. For eleven months. I have time.” She said, now calmly but cold. “Plus, I had to drive a car while on labor, because you decided to disappear. So, start speaking or I swear to God, Sean Wallace, this time it will be you the one suffering a loss.”

 “Y/N…” he whispered, trying to get close to her. He tried to take her hand in his, but she got further away from him.

His smile disappeared and got exchanged with a sad look on his face.

Right there, in Olive’s room, he told both women everything. A deal he did a year ago, enemies, guns, drugs, and city from the third world he had to hide in and every name from the people he had to hide from. They spent two hours listening to Sean’s misfortunes, but Y / N wanted to be able to recriminate everything that made her go through alone and to be able to get rid of the anger that was eating her inside. 

"Well, the blood on me is a sign of the end of this problem." He had a nervous look, you could see it even though his face was covered in blood. So much seemed fictitious.

Y/N sighed, getting up after her husband finished telling the story.

"Ok." She whispered, walking out the door of her daughter's room with her in her arms.

Sean wanted to follow her, but Marian recommended him to leave her alone for a while, there was too much information she had to process.

Hours passed, Marian, Elliot, and Billy had left the house hours ago and Y/N still did not speak to Sean. For hours she had been sitting on a blanket in the garden. With a book in her hand and a tea by her side, which was quite possibly already cold.

When the sun was no longer visible on the horizon, that was when Sean became concerned. The chill of the London night was ugly, even worse for a baby. Then it was decided, he took two jackets that were in the room and went outside with a doubting pass.

"Hey…" he whispered, sitting next to her and covering her shoulders with his cardigan. She did not answer.

“Where you watching over us?” she asked, on the verge of tears.

“Couldn’t keep my eyes off of the security cameras.” He laughed shily.

“How many times did you see me…asking for a sign?” she began after a few seconds of silence. “How many fucking times did you see me cry at night, Sean?” she started to shed tears. “While you were God knows where, doing Devil knows what…” he interrupted her.

“Y/N, I told you, I had no choice…”

“No!” she spat “Shut up, Sean! Just… shut the hell up. I dreamed of this reunion every single night and prayed every fucking morning. So just let me tell you I fucking felt. Because I was alone, as alone and desperate as you felt when your dad was killed. So please, just understand I won’t be jumping into your arms right away. Even though I missed you, fuck… I missed you like crazy…” he smiled sadly “I am so, so angry Sean. And I want to make you go away again, but the truth is… I can’t be away from you any longer.”

Sean rested his right arm over his wife’s shoulder, and his hand got her head closer to him, allowing him to kiss her skin for the first time in months. After she got the kiss, she broke down in tears, not being able to compose herself.

“I am sorry, I will never leave you again.” He promised while holding her steady against him.

“I know I left, and I hurt you. But you were never alone, you were being watched over, night and day, you and well, that little munchkin.” He said, timidly.

“You want to hold her for the first time, Sean?”

His face lit up.

[lactosefreevanillayoghurt]

For the writing prompts, 63 + 54 with cheerwives. :]

!!! hello :)

okay so mistaken for a couple and secret relationship hfdbdjdh wow i hope this is okay!! also my little gay heart wants everything to be very very gay so, preston, this is my show now

tw: mentions of alcohol, swearing, party-ish things let me know if there's anything I've missed

--

This is a party, Cairo thinks early in the evening. She'd spent the afternoon helping Riley prepare, putting snacks in bowls and pretending to hide the alcohol. Riley has been adamant that there was to be no alcohol at the 'party' and Cairo had nodded along sweetly but instead left the bottles only slightly out of sight behind the sofa. Parties are for getting a little bit tipsy.

The rest of the team arrive slowly, some more punctually than others. Kate catches her attention first, watching them interact with Chess. Cairo's known for years about just how close they are, and from her vantage point on the steps to Riley's front door, she can see the adoration as they look at each other. Their hands brush as they walk inside and Cairo seethes silently at how someone can be so openly in love with someone else. But, it's a party, and parties never come without some kind of beef between attendees, right?

Instead, she takes it out on childish, innocent, kind Reese, immediately regretting her harsh words and vowing to be nicer in the future.

Riley is jittery, fluttering around, asking for updates on Annleigh and Farrah. Cairo squeezes her hand, ignores Kate's eyeroll, whispers, "It's okay, Rye, this is a party. We can relax."

-

This is not a party, Cairo thinks later on. They've only been here an hour and a half but already they've argued, leaving a teary-eyed Kate alone with Cairo. From their past history, someone should have thought not to leave the two unattended for fear of disaster, but in reality that disaster would seem nothing compared to those that have already occured. Mattie is drunk in the bathroom, comforted by sweet Reese and, God, Cairo feels bad for her earlier words towards the other senior. Kate stormed out earlier, followed by an apologetic Chess who still hasn't returned from "taking a walk". They weren't the only two to argue - Farrah and Annleigh's raised voices could be heard from the hallway, making Riley flinch and Cairo regret ever calling this gathering a party. Parties aren't meant to be silent like it is now, but they also aren't meant to be loud with the yelling of a long-broken family. Riley had walked out after that, waiting only to mutter, "I'm going to go sort out Farrah."

Cairo hadn't questioned her, she never did when it came to Riley, and had instead only squeezed her hand again.

The quiet is suddenly overwhelming with the realisation that Kate's badly-concealed sniffling has finally ceased. Cairo makes a show of getting up, stretching, walking over to the other cheerleader and plonking herself down next to them.

"So, finally gotten over your little old married couple argument?"

Kate doesn't look up. "Fuck off, Cairo, I don't have the energy for this."

"Wow, is arguing with your girlfriend really that draining?" Cairo knows she's being mean, but who cares? Parties are for teasing.

But this is not a party. "And you say it like you've never argued with yours."

She freezes, heart suddenly beating double time in her chest. "What?"

Kate finally looks up, smirking. She knows she's winning. "That's why you're always a dick about me being gay, right?" They put their book down, taking her sweet time to gain yet more control over the shaken senior. They tilt her head, sarcastically faking an innocent act. "Because you're in love with Riley."

And there it is. The thing she really hoped no one would bring up this evening. She could admit it, make this a party by saying the wrong thing...but no, she promised Riley. So instead she says, "And you deny that you're in love with Chess. Bit rich for you to accuse me of that when you so obviously can't get over your best friend. Wow, the internet would love this - a perfect case of projection."

Kate glares at her and then turns back to their book. Cairo conceals a sigh of relief. She's safe for now.

-

Parties, Cairo thinks a while after it gets dark, are defined by three things: alcohol, saying the wrong thing, and making the wrong decisions. Plenty of that has happened tonight, but not in the capacity needed to form a party. There are only five of them left in the basement, with the other three in various states around the rest of the house. Mattie is still throwing up in the downstairs toilet and Cairo wouldn't be surprised if Farrah was doing the same on the floor above. Kate looks lost without Chess and Cairo tries not to care where the other girl is.

But then a lot of things happen at once and Mattie emerges but this time with blood dripping down her face, Cairo suddenly tries to be responsible, Riley tries not to panic and then they're in the kitchen.

They argue. Riley paces as she spits out curses and Cairo ignores how her friend's (or something more) voice wobbles.

Parties are for making the wrong decisions and this flashes through Cairo's mind as she shouts and shouts and shouts until she's tired. They're alone in the kitchen when the argument begins and they're alone when it ends with a kiss. Riley braces herself on the counter, allowing Cairo to kiss her and not hesitating to return it.

Parties might be for alcohol, saying the wrong thing, making the wrong decisions, but they're also for fun. And Cairo, as she kisses Riley and lets the world fade away, thinks that maybe, just maybe, she can make this evening a party.

[marlborodean]

spn quotes: season one

i’m collecting a bunch of quotes from the show! favorite lines, good points of characterization, etc. all organized by episode and character, and with timestamps!

w/ncest shippers get lost

season two.

1. PILOT

Dean—

[Sam: So we kill everything we can find.] Save a lot of people doing it, too. (08:51)

I can’t do this alone. [Sam: Yes, you can.] Yeah. Well, I don’t want to. (09:30)

[Officer: So. Fake U.S. Marshal, fake credit cards. You got anything that’s real?] My boobs. (28:50)

Sam—

When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45. [Dean: What was he supposed to do?] I was 9 years old. He was supposed to say, “Don’t be afraid of the dark.” (08:30)

You think Mom would’ve wanted this for us? (08:58)

We were raised like warriors. (09:06)

[Dean: Are you just gonna live some normal, apple-pie life? Is that it?] No, not normal. Safe. [And that’s why you ran away.] I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go, I should stay gone. (09:09)

[Dean: You’re really serious about this, aren’t you? You think you’re just gonna become some lawyer, marry your girl?] Maybe. Why not? [Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you’ve done?] No, and she’s not ever going to know. [Well, that’s healthy. You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later you’re gonna have to face up to who you really are.] And who is that? [One of us.] No. I’m not like you. This is not going to be my life. (22:45)

If it weren’t for pictures, I wouldn’t even know what Mom looks like. What difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom’s gone, and she isn’t coming back. (23:17)

2. W*ND*G* ( x )

Dean—

Her brother’s missing, Sam. She’s not just gonna sit this out. (14:55)

[Hailey: And you’re hiking out in biker boots and jeans?] Well, sweetheart, I don’t do shorts. (15:54)

I’m supposed to be the belligerent one, remember? (25:13)

The way I see it, Dad’s given us a job to do, and I intend to do it. (26:31)

All that anger, you can’t keep it burning over the long haul. It’s gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man. [Sam: How do you do it? How does Dad do it?] Well, for one, them. I mean, I figure our family’s so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. It makes things a little bit more bearable. And I’ll tell you what else helps. Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can. (27:05)

Sam—

[Dean: No, you’re not fine. You’re like a powder keg, man. It’s not like you.] (25:06)

3. DEAD IN THE WATER

Dean—

You don’t think I want to find Dad as much as you do? [Sam: Yeah, I know you do, it’s just—] I’m the one that’s been with him every single day for the past two years while you’ve been off to college going to pep rallies. We will find Dad, but until then, we’re gonna kill everything bad between here and there, okay? (04:09)

Well, maybe you don’t think anyone will listen to you, or... or believe you. I want you to know that I will. (11:58)

You’re scared. It’s okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn’t feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that everyday. And I do my best to be brave. (20:14)

What if we missed something? What if more people get hurt? [Sam: But why would you think that?] Because Lucas was really scared. [That’s what this is about?] I just don’t want to leave town until I know the kid’s okay. (29:48)

Sam—

People don’t just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them. (03:51)

4. PHANTOM TRAVELER

Dean—

It’s your job to keep my ass alive, so I need you sharp. (05:18)

Sam—

[Dean: It’s your job to keep my ass alive, so I need you sharp.] (05:18)

[Jerry: Well, he was real proud of you, I could tell. You know, he talked about you all the time.] He did? (07:09)

Hey, hey, it’s just a little turbulence. [Sam, this place is going to crash, okay? So quit treating me like I’m friggin’ 4.] You need to calm down. [Well, I’m sorry, I can’t!] Yes, you can. [Dude. Stow the touchy-feely, self-help yoga crap. It’s not helping.] Listen, if you’re panicked, you’re wide open to demonic possession, so you need to calm yourself down right now. (30:26)

5. BLOODY MARY

Dean—

Do I look like Paris Hilton? (18:08)

Her boyfriend killing himself, that’s not really Charlie’s fault. (29:54)

Now listen to me. It wasn’t your fault. It you want to blame something, then blame the thing that killed her. Or, hell, why don’t you take a swing at me? I’m the one that dragged you away from her. [Sam: I don’t blame you.] Well, you shouldn’t blame yourself, because there’s nothing you could’ve done. (31:24)

Sam—

[Dean: Hell, why don’t you take a swing at me? I’m the one that dragged you away from her.] I don’t blame you. (31:37)

Charlie. Your boyfriend’s death, you really should try to forgive yourself. No matter what you did, you probably couldn’t have stopped it. Sometimes bad things just happen. (40:37)

6. SKIN

Dean—

He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home with Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends, you could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. [Sam: What are you talking about?] You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. (24:21)

Sam—

[Rebecca: It must be lonely.] Oh, no. No, it’s not so bad. Anyway, what can I do? It’s my family. (39:02)

Misc—

Shifter: Evolution is about mutation, right? So maybe this thing was born human, but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (27:14)

7. HOOK MAN

Dean—

I told you, you don’t have to be a college graduate to be a genius. (14:59)

[Sam: Hey, be quiet.] Me be quiet? You be quiet! (19:48)

Sam—

[Dean: You’ve been holding out on me. This college thing is awesome!] This wasn’t really my experience. [Let me guess—library, studying, straight A’s. What a geek.] (21:30)

8. BUGS

Dean—

Growing up in a place like this would freak me out. [Sam: Why?] The manicured lawns, how-was-your-day-honey? I’d blow my brains out. [There’s nothing wrong with normal.] I’d take our family over normal any day. (08:21)

[Sam: You’ll be able to get out of that house and away from your dad.] What kind of advice is that? Kid should stick with his family. (20:26)

Hey, so with that kid back there, how could you tell him to just ditch his family like that? [Sam: Just, uh, I know what the kid’s going through.] How about telling him to respect his old man? How’s that for advice? (23:20)

Matt, under no circumstances are you to tell the truth. He’ll just think you’re nuts. Tell him you have a sharp pain in your right side and you gotta go to the hospital, okay? [Matt: Yeah, okay.] Make him listen? What are you thinking? (32:44)

Sam—

Remind you of somebody? Dad? [Dean: Dad never treated us like that.] Well, Dad never treated you like that. You were perfect. He was all over my case. ...You don’t remember. [Dean: Well, maybe he had to raise his voice but sometimes you were out of line.] Right. Right, like when I said I’d rather play soccer than learn bowhunting. (11:46)

[Matt: Larry doesn’t listen to me.] Why not? [Mostly? He’s too disappointed in his freak son.] I hear ya. [Dean: You do?] Matt, how old are you? [Matt: Sixteen.] Well, don’t sweat it, ‘cause in two years something great’s gonna happen. [What?] College. You’ll be able to get out of that house and away from your dad. (20:04)

[Dean: Hey, so with that kid back there, how could you tell him to just ditch his family like that?] Just, uh, I know what the kid’s going through. [How about telling him to respect his old man? How’s that for advice?] Dean, come on. This isn’t about his old man. You think I didn’t respect Dad, that’s what this is about. [Just forget it, alright? Sorry I brought it up.] I respected him. But no matter what I did, it was never good enough. [So what are you saying, that Dad was disappointed in you?] Was? Is! Always has been. [Why would you think that?] Because I didn’t wanna bowhunt or hustle pool, because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which to our whacked-out family, made me the freak. (23:20)

Dean, you know what most dads are when their kids score a full-ride? Proud. Most dads don’t toss their kids out of the house. [Dean: I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to recall a few choice phrases coming out of your mouth.] You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad, I don’t know if he’s even gonna wanna see me. (24:05)

9. HOME

Dean—

And then you tell me that I’ve got to go back home, especially when... [Sam: When what?] When I swore to myself that I would never go back there. (07:56)

I remember the fire, the heat. Then I carried you out the front door. [Sam: You did?] Yeah, well, you never knew that? [No.] (12:38)

I don’t know what to do. So, whatever you’re doing. if you could get here... please. I need your help, Dad. (14:45)

Sam—

[Dean: I remember the fire, the heat. Then I carried you out the front door.] You did? [Yeah, well, you never knew that?] No. (12:38)

Misc—

Missouri: All those years ago, real evil came to you. It walked this house. That kind of evil leaves wounds, and sometimes wounds get infected. (27:15)

10. ASYLUM

Dean—

[Sam: This is a job. Dad wants us to work a job.] Yeah, well, maybe we’ll meet up with him. Maybe he’s there. [Maybe he’s not. I mean, he could be sending us there by ourselves to hunt this thing.] Who cares? If he wants us there, it’s good enough for me. [This doesn’t strike you as weird? The texting, the coordinates?] Sam. Dad’s telling us to go somewhere. We’re going. (07:05)

[Sam: We deserve some answers. I mean, this is our family we’re talking about.] I understand that, Sam, but he’s given us an order. [So what, we gotta always follow Dad’s order?] Of course we do. (12:17)

[Sam: I mean, why are we even here? ‘Cause you’re following Dad’s orders like a good little soldier? ‘Cause you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?] (36:52)

Sam—

[Dean: We’ve got to burn Ellicott’s bones, and all this will be over, and you’ll be back to normal.] I am normal. I’m just telling you the truth for the first time. I mean, why are we even here? ‘Cause you’re following Dad’s orders like a good little soldier? ‘Cause you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval? [This isn’t you talking.] That’s the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I’m not pathetic like you. [So what are you gonna do? You gonna kill me?] You know, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. (36:43)

11. SCARECROW

Dean— 

[Sam: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.] Yeah, it’s called being a good son. You’re a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. You don’t care what anyone thinks. (08:08)

[Sam: You know, if you’re hinting you need my help, just ask.] I’m not hinting anything. Actually, uh... I want you to know... I mean, don’t think... [Yeah. I’m sorry, too.] Sam.... You were right. You got to do your own thing. You got to live your own life. [You serious?] You’ve always known what you want, and you go after it. You stand up to Dad. I mean, you always have. Hell, I wish I.... Anyway. I admire that about you. I’m proud of you, Sammy. [I don’t even know what to say.] Say you’ll take care of yourself. (25:04)

Sam—

[Dean: Dad doesn’t want our help.] I don’t care. [He’s given us an order.] I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says. [Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives. It’s important.] Alright, I understand. Believe me, I understand. But I’m talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge. [Alright, look, I know how you feel.] Do you? How old were you when Mom died, 4? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel? (07:25)

[Meg: I had to get away from my family.] Why? [I love my parents. And they wanted what’s best for me. They just didn’t care if I wanted it. I was supposed to be smart, but not smart enough to scare away a husband. Well, it’s just.... Because my family said so, I’m supposed to sit there and do what I was told. So I just went on my own way instead. ...I’m sorry. The things you say to people you hardly know.] No, no, it’s okay. I know how you feel. Remember that brother I mentioned before that I was road-tripping with? It’s kind of the same deal. [And that’s why you’re not riding with him anymore? ...Here’s to us. The food might be bad, and the beds might be hard, but at least we’re living our own lives and nobody else’s.] (21:11)

[Med: You’re running back to your brother? The guy you ran away from? Why, because he won’t pick up his phone? Sam, come with me to California.] I can’t. I’m sorry. [Why not?] He’s my family. (31:13)

12. FAITH

Dean—

Looks like you’re gonna leave town without me. [Sam: What are you talking about? I’m not gonna leave you here.] You better take care of that car. I swear I’ll haunt your ass. [I don’t think that’s funny.] Oh, come on, it’s a little funny. (04:44)

[Sam: Maybe it’s time to have a little faith, Dean.] You know what I got faith in? Reality—knowing what’s really going on. [How can you be a skeptic, with the things we see every day?] Exactly, we see them. We know they’re real. [But if you know evil’s out there, how can you not believe good’s out there too?] ‘Cause I’ve seen what evil does to good people. (08:10)

[Roy: I looked into your heart and you just...stood out from all the rest.] What did you see in my heart? [A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn’t finished.] (15:27)

You never should’ve brought me here. [Sam: Dean, I was just trying to save your life.] Sam, some guy is dead now because of me. (19:30)

The guy is playing God, deciding who lives and dies. That’s a monster in my book. (22:42)

[Layla: I wish you luck. I really do.] Same to you. You deserve it a lot more than me. (30:38)

[Sam: To cross a line like that, that preacher’s wife—black magic, murder. Evil.] Desperate. Her husband was dying. She would’ve done anything to save him. (31:35)

God save us from half the people who think they’re doing God’s work. (32:04)

[Sam: What’s happening to her is horrible. But what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself, Dean—you can’t play God.] (32:58)

Must be rough, to believe in something so much and have it disappoint you like that. (40:57)

You know, I’m not much of the praying type, but I’m gonna pray for you. [Layla: Well. There’s a miracle right there.] (42:00)

Sam—

[Dean: I’m gonna die. And you can’t stop it.] Watch me. (05:23)

[Dean: You’re not gonna let me die in peace, are you?] I’m not gonna let you die, period. (07:04)

How can you be a skeptic, with the things we see everyday? [Dean: Exactly, we see them. We know they’re real.] If you know evil’s out there, how can you not believe good’s out there too? (08:18)

[The guy is playing God, deciding who lives and dies. That’s a monster in my book.] No, we’re not gonna kill a human being, Dean. We do that, we’re no better than he is. (22:42)

Misc—

Layla: I guess if you’re gonna have faith, you can’t just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it when they don’t. (41:19)

13. ROUTE 666

Dean—

[Sam: Look man, everybody’s got to open up to someone sometime.] Yeah, I don’t. It was stupid to get that close. (13:06)

[Cassie: Whenever we get—what’s the word?—close? Anywhere in the neighborhood of emotional vulnerability, you back off or make some joke or find any way to shut the door on me.] (15:19)

Sam—

You told her. You told her the secret. Our big family rule number one—we do what we do and we shut up about it. For a year and a half, I do nothing but lie to Jessica, and you go out with this chick in Ohio a couple of times, and you tell her everything? (04:18)

Oh, my life was so simple. Just school, exams, papers on polycentric cultural norms. [Dean: So I guess I saved you from a boring existence.] Occasionally I miss boring. [So, this killer truck—] I miss conversations that didn’t start with “this killer truck.” (29:31)

Ever make you wonder if it’s worth it? Putting everything on hold, doing what we do? (39:10)

14. NIGHTMARE

Dean—

[Sam: Well, with what he went through, the beatings, to want revenge on those people—I’m sorry, man. I hate to say it, but it’s not that insane.] Yeah, but it doesn’t justify murdering your entire family. [Dean—] He’s no different than anything else we’ve hunted. Alright? We gotta end him. [We’re not gonna kill Max.] Then what? Hand him over to the cops and say, “Lock him up, officer. He kills people with the power of his mind.” [Forget it. No way, man.] Sam— [Dean, he’s a person. We can talk to him. Hey, promise me you’ll follow my lead on this one.] Alright, fine. But I’m not letting him hurt anybody else. (25:01)

[Sam: We’re lucky we had Dad.] I never thought I’d hear you say that. [Well, it could have gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon hunting, then we would have had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay. Thanks to him.] All things considered. (38:27)

As long as I’m around, nothing bad’s gonna happen to you. (41:27)

Sam—

Well, I know one thing I have in common with these people. [Dean: What’s that?] Both our families are cursed. [Our family’s not cursed. We’ve just... had our dark spots.] Our dark spots are pretty dark. (19:13)

I was connecting to Max. The thing I don’t get it why, man. I guess because we’re so alike? [Dean: What are you talking about? Dude’s nothing like you.] Well, we both have psychic abilities. We’re both— [Both what? Sam, Max is a monster. He’s already killed two people, now he’s gunning for a third.] Well, with what he went through, the beatings, to want revenge on those people—I’m sorry, man. I hate to say it, but it’s not that insane. (24:43)

If I just said something else, gotten through to him somehow. [Dean: Don’t do that.] Do what? [Torture yourself. It wouldn’t have mattered what you said. Max was too far gone.] When I think about how he looked at me, man, right before.... I should have done something. [Come on, man, you risked your life. I mean, yeah, maybe if we’d have gotten there 20 years earlier.] Well, I’ll tell you one thing. We’re lucky we had Dad. [I never thought I’d hear you say that.] Well, it could have gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon hunting, then we would have had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay. Thanks to him. (38:03)

15. THE BENDERS

Dean—

Look... he’s family. And I kind of—I kind of look out for the kid. You gotta let me go with you. [Kathleen: I’m sorry, I can’t do that.] Well, tell me something. Your country has its fair share of missing persons. Any of ‘em come back? Sam’s my responsibility, and he’s coming back. I’m bringing him back. (08:56)

When we were young, I pretty much pulled him from a fire. And ever since then, I’ve felt responsible for him. You know, like it’s my job to keep him safe. I’m just afraid if we don’t find him fast.... Please. He’s my family. (15:04)

Demons, I get. People are crazy. (28:08)

If you hurt my brother, I’ll kill you, I swear. I’ll kill you all. I will kill you all! (35:54)

16. SHADOW

Dean— 

[Sam: What are you gonna do when it’s all over?] It’s never gonna be over. There’s gonna be others. There’s always gonna be something to hunt. [But there’s got to be something that you want for yourself.] Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this thing’s over, Sam. [Dude. What’s your problem?] Why do you think I drag you everywhere, huh? Why do you think I came and got you at Stanford in the first place? [’Cause Dad was in trouble. ‘Cause you wanted to find the thing that killed Mom.] Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man. You and me and Dad. I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family again. [Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before.] They could be. (24:04)

Sam— 

What if this whole thing was over tonight? Man, I’d sleep for a month. Go back to school, just be a person again. (23:42)

Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before. [Dean: They could be.] I don’t want them to be. I’m not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you’re gonna have to let me go my own way. (25:02)

Misc—

[Sam: Go to hell.] Meg: Baby, I’m already there. (30:22)

17. HELL HOUSE

Dean—

People believe in Santa Clause. How come I’m not getting hooked up every Christmas? [Sam: ‘Cause you’re a bad person.] (27:01)

Sam—

Man, we’re not kids anymore, Dean. We’re not gonna start that crap up again. [Dean: Start what up?] That prank stuff. It’s stupid, and it always escalates. (04:24)

Kind of makes you wonder—of all the things we hunted, how many existed just ‘cause people believed in them? (37:17)

18. SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

Dean—

[Sam: What makes you so sure?] Well, because I’m the oldest, which means I’m always right. [No it doesn’t.] It totally does. (03:38)

Listen to me. I can promise you that this is not your fault, okay? [Michael: It’s my job to look after him.] (20:53)

I know how you feel, I’m a big brother, too. But you got to go easy on your mom right now, okay? (21:24)

Dad did not send me here to walk away. [Sam: Send you here? He didn’t send you here, he sent us here.] This isn’t about you, Sam, alright? I’m the one that screwed up. It’s my fault. There’s no telling how many kids have gotten hurt because of me. (25:35)

Dad never spoke about it again. I didn’t ask. But he, uh... he looked at me different, you know, which was worse. Not that I blame him. He gave me an order, and I didn’t listen, and I almost got you killed. [Sam: You were just a kid.] Don’t—don’t. Dad knew this was unfinished business for me. He sent me here to finish it. (29:26)

Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to. It’s okay, I won’t be mad. (33:57)

[Sam: Sometimes I wish that...] What? [I wish I could have that kind of innocence.] If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could, too. (40:05)

Sam—

Dean, I’m sorry. [Dean: For what?] You know. I’ve really given you a lot of crap for always following Dad’s orders, but I know why you do it. (34:39)

Sometimes I wish that... [Dean: What?] I wish I could have that kind of innocence. [If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could, too.] (40:05)

19. PROVENANCE

Dean— 

I’m sure that this is about Jessica, right? Now, I don’t know what it’s like to lose somebody like that, but... I would think that she would want you to be happy. God forbid have fun once in a while. (20:47)

Sam—

I had a girlfriend. And she died. And my mom died, too. I don’t know, it’s like... it’s like I’m cursed or something. Like death just follows me around. Look, I’m not scared of much, but if I let myself have feelings for anybody— [Sarah: You’re scared they get hurt, too.] (30:39)

Misc—

Sarah: I know, losing somebody you love—it’s terrible. You shut yourself off. Believe me, I know. But when you shut out pain, you shut out everything else, too. (31:27)

20. DEAD MAN’S BLOOD

Dean—

He does what he does for a reason. [Sam: What reason?] Our job. There’s no time to argue. There’s no margin for error, alright? It’s just the way the old man runs things. [Yeah, well, maybe that worked when we were kids, but not anymore, alright? Not after everything you and I have been through, Dean. I mean, are you telling me you’re cool with just falling into line and letting him run the whole show?] If that’s what it takes. (14:51)

Sam—

I’m happy he’s okay, alright? I’m happy that we’re all working together. [Dean: Good.] It’s just the way he treats us like children. [Oh, God.] He barks orders at us, Dean. He expects us to follow him without question. He keeps us on some crap need-to-know deal. [He does what he does for a reason.] What reason? [Our job. There’s no time to argue. There’s no margin for error, alright? It’s just the way the old man runs things.] Yeah, well, maybe that worked when we were kids, but not anymore, alright? Not after everything you and I have been through, Dean. I mean, are you telling me you’re cool with just falling into line and letting him run the whole show? (14:51)

[John: You left. Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Sam. You walked away!] You’re the one who said “Don’t come back,” Dad. You’re the one who closed that door, not me! You were just pissed off that you couldn’t control me anymore! (19:27)

[John: Sammy, it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn’t accept the fact that you and me, we’re just different.] We’re not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess, we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone. (29:20)

Misc—

John: This is never the life that I wanted for you. [Sam: Then why’d you get so mad when I left?] You got to understand something. After your mother passed, all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you prepared, ready. So somewhere along the line, I stopped being your father. I became your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was that you were gonna be alone, vulnerable. (28:21)

21. SALVATION

Dean—

For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault. [Sam: Yeah, you’re right, it’s not my fault, but it’s my problem!] No, it’s not your problem, it’s our problem! (05:42)

You’re just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it? [Sam: Yeah. Yeah, you’re damn right I am.] Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen—not as long as I’m around. [What the hell are you talking about, Dean? We’ve been searching for this demon our whole lives. It’s the only thing we’ve ever cared abut.] Sam, I want to waste it, I do, okay? But it’s not worth dying over. [What?] I mean it. If hunting this demon means you getting yourself killed, then I hope we never find the damn thing. [That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom,] You said yourself once that no matter what we do, they’re gone. And they’re never coming back. [Don’t you say that! Don’t you—not after all this, don’t you say that.] Sam, look. The three of us, that’s all we have. And it’s all I have. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely holding it together, man. Without you or Dad.... (37:51)

Sam—

So Mom’s death, Jessica—it’s all because of me? [Dean: We don’t know that, Sam.] Oh really? ‘Cause I’d say we’re pretty damn sure, Dean! [For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault.] Yeah, you’re right, it’s not my fault, but it’s my problem! (05:34)

Misc—

John: I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school. I want Dean to have a home. I want Mary alive. I just want this to be over. (21:10)

22. DEVIL’S TRAP

Dean—

You know that guy I shot? There was a person in there. [Sam: You didn’t have a choice, Dean.] I know. That’s not what bothers me. [Then what does?] Killing that guy, killing Meg... I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even flinch. For you or Dad, the things I’m willing to do or kill, it’s just... it scares me sometimes. [Azazel!John: It shouldn’t. You did good.] You’re not mad? [For what?] Using a bullet. [Mad? I’m proud of you. You know, Sam and I, we can get pretty obsessed. But you, you watch out for this family. You always have.] (29:41)

Listen, you mind just getting this over with, huh? ‘Cause I really can’t stand the monologuing. [Azazel: Funny, but that’s all part of your M.O., isn’t it? Mask all that nasty pain, mask the truth.] Oh yeah? What’s that? [You know, you fight and you fight for this family, but the truth is, they don’t need you. Not like you need them. Sam—he’s clearly John’s favorite. Even when they fight, it’s more concern than he’s ever shown you.] (36:52)

Sam—

[Dean: Well, you and Dad are a lot more alike than I thought, you know that? You both can’t wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing. But you know what? I’m gonna be the one to bury you. You’re selfish, you know that? You don’t care about anything but revenge.] (19:24)

Misc—

Azazel: He’s gonna tear you apart. He’s gonna taste the iron in your blood. [Dean: Let him go, or I swear to God—] What? What are you and God gonna do? (35:09)

[jjdoggies-fanfics]

Prompt #54

Prompt: Look, I Know You’re Mad At Me, But Can We Argue When I’m Not Hanging On For Dear Life?

One second they were climbing the stupid mountain, the walking paths were soaked in water as it had been raining nearly endlessly the days prior and were nearly crumbling beneath their feet, for some bullshit training, and the next Allison was yelling, “Vanya!”, getting their five brothers’ attention in an instant. Allison was kneeling by the edge of the mountain’s drop, no sign of their other sister.

“What’s happening?” Luther immediately asked, “What’s wrong?”

As Luther asked essentially meaningless questions, Klaus had joined Allison by the mountain’s edge, looking down it. “Um, guys,” Klaus called, an uncomfortable, barely contained panic in his voice, “Vanya needs some help.”

In a flash Five was on the other side of Allison looking down as well, while Ben, Luther, and Diego quickly joined their other siblings. As they looked down, they could see that Vanya had somehow nearly fallen off the stupid mountain and was barely managing to hold onto the edge of a small ledge several feet bellow them.

“What do we do Luther?” Ben asked, “Vanya’s too far for us to reach her.”

As Luther tried to remember what their training would have them do, the stupid records were of no help now Dad, Diego noticed the wettened dirt under their feet was crumbling away. With the added weight of the six of them all standing by the edge of their part of the mountain, the muddy mixture began crumbling a bit at their feet. “First, everyone needs to get away from the ledge,” Diego said, pulling Klaus back the collar of his shirt since he wasn’t paying attention, “or we’re all falling off a goddamn mountain today.”

Once they’d moved a few steps from the ledge, Allison having yelled down to Vanya that they were working on a plan and to hold on, no shit, Luther began trying to explain some long-winded and far too complicated plan of so pulley bullshit.

And rather than listen to Luther’s plan any further, Five carefully approached the ledge once more, noting that Vanya’s fingers, now completely coated in mud, were slipping from her own ledge. Realizing that they wouldn’t have time to even try Luther’s plan, sometimes these idiots really forgot he could spatial jump just about anywhere, Five jumped from the higher ledge with the rest of his siblings to the ledge with Vanya, accidentally scaring her a bit, thinking the part of the mountain she was holding onto was crumbling completely beneath her hands.

“Vanya,” Five called, getting Vanya to lift her head, she only now realizing it was Five and not the land giving way, “do you think you can grab my hand?” as he asked he stuck his hand out for her to grab, trying to keep from kneeling right along the edge in case it, like the land above, began to crumble.

There was a second where Vanya tried to pull one of her hands from the mountain to grab onto his, but based on the rapidly growing dark clouds above them and the biting cold that had rolled in, her fear was getting the better of her. “Vanya, please!” Five called again, trying to not frighten her any further, “I need you to trust me!”

Five could hear Vanya’s shoes scrapping against the dirt below, trying desperately to find some solid ground to support herself as she called back to him, “I do trust you Five!” and in a much quieter voice she added, one that he almost couldn’t hear over the winds, “I’m just, scared.”

He hadn’t heard Vanya sound as scared as she did now in so long, not since he’d brought them back to their 13 year old bodies and she was trying to learn how to control her powers. “Vanya,” Five called again, keeping his voice steady and calm, “just focus on me. Focus on my voice.” 

Five waited a moment as Vanya calmed down a bit, trying to take a few steadying breaths, before continuing, “You know Vanya, that I will never let anything bad happen to you. Including falling off a fucking mountain.” The short laugh he got from Vanya, even for just a moment, he counted it as a win. “I need you to trust me completely right now, and grab my hand. I promise, nothing is going to go wrong. Believe me.”

Vanya looked at him hesitantly, her fear evident on her face and in her shaking hand as she, once again, reached out to grab him, Five meeting her halfway as her muddy fingers dug into his wrist as his own dug into hers. Five pulled Vanya up with all his strength as she tried to push herself up as well. 

Thankfully, as a bit more of the muddy earth crumbled away, exactly where Vanya had been hanging from, Five managed to pull her up onto the ledge with him, backing them into the mountain as much as possible. Once he was sure neither of them were plummeting to their deaths, Five took a careful hold of Vanya’s face, pulling her focus back on him as he asked her, “Are you okay?”

Vanya gave him a quick nod, her whole body still slightly shaking but the winds dying down and the darkened clouds above dissipating told him that she wasn’t as scared anymore, before she essentially fell onto him. Completely exhausted.

“Five? Vanya?” Ben was calling for them roughly ten feet above them, “Are you guys okay?”

Once again, Vanya nodded against him as he called back up to Ben that they were fine and would be back up soon. Ben moved away from the ledge again, likely telling the others what he’d said as Five tried to get enough energy to jump not only himself, but Vanya as well, which always took far too much of his energy when jumping with another person, back to more stable ground above them.

Another two minutes later, Vanya, for the most part, had stopped shaking and Five was practically ready with enough energy to jump them back to their siblings. “Vanya,” Five said quietly, his lips right next to her ear, “are you ready?”

She, equally quietly, replied, “Yes.” giving him another small nod as she did so, her grip on him tightening ever so slightly as she prepared for the jump.

Despite not needing to say so, Five told her to “Hold on tight.” roughly 10 seconds before he spatial jumped them back to the rest of The Umbrella Academy.

The second they’d landed on solid ground again, Allison was hugging Vanya tightly, Vanya melting into it, hugging Allison back equally tight. While their sisters hugged and comforted each other, Klaus practically jumping on top of them, Diego told him “Nice job Five.”

“Thanks.” Five replied, not an ounce of sarcasm in his voice for one of the few moments of his long life, keeping a steady eye on Vanya, Allison, and Klaus’s hug, mostly Vanya, but no one needed to know.

“I liked you’re plan far more than Luther’s.” Ben told him, moving to stand next to him, also keeping an eye one their still hugging siblings. Five gave his brother a look, clearly intrigued as to what this plan Luther, which had clearly shifted from the ridiculous pulley he’d been suggesting when Five had jumped away earlier. Ben elaborated that, “After you’d jumped, but before he realized you had, Luther had been suggesting, possibly, using the Eldritch to try and reach Vanya, but I-”

“You didn’t trust them not to hurt her?” Five guessed, “Even on accident?” which Ben nodded to.

Ben sighed, taking a breath before continuing, “Thankfully, you’d just jumped and gotten to her. So I didn’t have to risk any accidents.”

The Hargreeves stood around a bit, trying to recollect themselves, before Allison asked, “What do we do now? Keep going? Or do we call Dad?”

“Fuck Dad!” Diego hissed, “This whole thing was his stupid idea, I say we just go back down. Because there is no way in hell we are going up any further.”

Luther had begun glaring at Diego, opening his mouth to form some sort of retort, Ben jumped in, hoping to diffuse the situation before any fighting could start, “All those in favor of going back down, raise your hand.” Diego, Allison, Klaus, Ben, and Vanya all raised their hands, with varying degrees of force. “That settles it,” Ben said, taking note of the obvious majority, “we’re going back down.”

The seven of them slowly began moving back down the mountain, with minal protesting or whining. Five was close behind Vanya as Allison continued to cling to her side, solidifying the fact that her sister was completely safe. As they first began walking, Klaus called to them all, “And everyone stay away from the edges!” Which promptly earned him an elbow from Ben, who was walking next to him while Diego and Luther were leading them all back down, as safely as possible.

Roughly an hour into the journey back down the mountain, Allison had moved up to Luther and Diego, talking with them about who knows what, and with Allison no longer next to Vanya, Five slid into the now emptied space. “How are you doing?” Five asked quietly, taking hold of one of her hands in his own.

“I’m fine Five.” Vanya replied, trying to ensure he didn’t worry about her, but the uneasiness of her voice negated any words that she’d told him. “How are you doing Five?”

They continued their typical small talk, dancing around talking about their real thoughts and feelings with the others so close by. And despite the lack of words to tell each other how they were really feeling, Five had always had a special connection with Vanya, to an extent that they didn’t need to use words to tell each other how they were really feeling. 

And because of this connection, Five knew that Vanya was still shaken from nearly falling of a mountain, which he still isn’t sure exactly how that happened exactly, but within the few minutes he’d been walking next to her, rubbing some circles into her hand, Vanya had relaxed immensely. Knowing how much comfort and safety he could give Vanya, even by merely being next to her, made Five feel warm inside and ever so slightly, a bit more cocky.

After all his time in the Apocalypse then with The Commission, Five thought he’d never be able to love someone as whole heartedly as he knew he loved Vanya. And to make it ever so sweeter, he knew she loved him just as much. Even though they couldn’t risk getting caught doing anything at The Academy; any kind affection was strictly prohibited by their father, no matter which timeline they were in. 

But there was nothing that anyone could say or do that would change the way that Five and Vanya loved each other. And for once in his life, Five had something to work for, something to look forward to in the future. And he was counting down the days to the second they’d turn 18 and could leave The Academy, and never, ever, have to look back.

[jecrite]

so I just watched the ‘Inside the Mind of Hilary Hahn’ video and noticed something in that fire alarm story, so I wrote a little breddy excerpt about it - enjoy!

—————————————————

[starts from 35:54 in the vid btw]

If anyone was gonna watch that video, you could tell that Brett was nervous. I mean, meeting your violin idol, sitting next to her in front of Thai food, talking about anything and everything? What could go wrong?

Well, he could stop stuttering.

“I-I don’t know, I like to dabble in things,” he trails off, picking at his food. “But I need to...”

He sees Eddy in the corner of his eye, who was leaning back in his chair, his thoughts unreadable.

Eddy.

The scrawny kid with the mullet who sat to his right in maths tutoring. The vulnerable musician who he pushed around in a wheelchair when they were at the con. The messy, chaotic whirlwind who lives with him, who he chose over a soloist career.

The only thing who stayed constant in his many pursuits of something different.

For the first time that night, Brett lets the words come out of his mouth, pointed and assured.

“I feel like I need to be obsessed with it.”

He finally says, his eyes fixed on Eddy. Eddy’s face remains calm, pensive.

Has he said too much?

“Creating something, or... something.” Brett trails off to a halt, relying on Eddy to finish his sentence for him. Like he always does.

But he knew exactly how he wanted to finish it.

...or just being with him.

It feels weird to almost confess in front of Hilary (and, possibly, hundreds of thousands of people on the internet) that he’s obsessed with Eddy, but it also felt right in a way.

There’s really no other way to explain it.

He did not remember a day when he did not think of Eddy, what Eddy was wearing, how Eddy’s feeling, if Eddy’s eaten, if Eddy’s safe—

—if Eddy‘s just as obsessed with Brett as he is with him.

He should probably brush it off and stay present. It’s not like they’d notice.

Little did he know that Hilary was following his line of sight as he said it.

And he certainly did not expect when she smiled and asked,

“Are you obsessed with this?”

The urgency of the question snapped Brett out of his reverie, his eyes suddenly growing wide. The nonchalant tone in her voice sent a jolt through his body, causing him to flail his right arm between him and Eddy. “This?”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck—

“Yeah.”

You know what, fuck it.

“Ye-ah,” his voice rises, almost defensively. Eddy erupts with laughter, light and breathy and perfect. Hilary joins in shortly after, pleased with herself.

“Of course!”

In a quick glance Brett turned to his right, seeing Eddy’s head pulled back in laughter with a huge grin plastered across his face.

Brett has yet to grow tired of that face.

He was obsessed with Eddy, and he always has been.

“That was a long pause,” Eddy chides, obviously amused.

Brett’s smiling now, Eddy’s voice putting him at ease. At this point, anything goes.

“Yeah, I was like, was that a trick question? Like, hmm,” he laughs, pressing his fingers to his chin. He steals another look at Eddy. His Eddy.

“Yeah of course, I love it.”

Oh, but Hilary Hahn knew better.

“Because you create a lot with...” she trails off expectantly, wanting him to fill in the blanks.

It was never about it, isn’t it? It’s always been about him.

Brett nods, almost too enthusiastically, filling the silence with anything but Eddy’s name.

“It’s fun.”

That’s when Hilary asked about working, where the moment passes, and he’s safe.

For now, at least.

*

“We should probably start cleaning up. We only have fifteen minutes left in here,” Hilary huffs, leaving her seat as she picked up the plastic cutlery from the food containers.

“Yeah...” Eddy trails off, before he quickly stands in surprise. “Wait!”

Hilary froze, a stack of paper plates in hand, and Brett almost jumped from his seat. “Dude, What is it?”

“Practice review! We were meant to show them a clip of Hilary practicing!”

Shit.

“Oh, right,” Brett looks up at Hilary. “Maybe we can film it outside?” He offers apologetically.

Eddy clucks his tongue. “With those a Capella people? No way—“

Brett thought aloud. “Maybe if we clean up in like 5 minutes, we could film it quickly—“

“Or maybe just film it in the corridor—“ Hilary offers.

“Or, I could go to security and ask for 20 more minutes!” Eddy says, snapping his fingers. He looks over to see Brett and Hilary’s raised eyebrows, shrugging them off as he made a break towards the door.

“You two clean up, I’ll run to reception!” He shouts behind him, running at full speed.

Brett can only smile fondly as he left. What else was he gonna do?

His eyes meet Hilary’s and they can’t help but laugh at the younger man.

“He really is a whirlwind, isn’t he?” Hilary asks in a hearty chuckle.

“Yeah, he really is,” Brett grins as he placed the food containers back in the plastic bags.

Hilary hums.

“Is that what got you falling for him?”

He didn’t even have to say it.

The sound of the fallen plastic bags answered the question for him. The containers followed suit, bouncing off of the bags and onto the floor.

*

What a mess.

Hilary chuckles. “Sorry, too far?”

“No, no,” Brett chuckles nervously, hurriedly kneeling down to retrieve the plastic containers and putting them back in the bags. “Not at all, it’s just,”

Unexpected.

“Is it that obvious?”

An amused sigh. “Well, to a trained eye, maybe,” Brett swears she was smirking as she said this. “It’s the age old equation: you love him, he loves you, nothing else matters, might as well put the rings on now.”

She says it as if it was nothing, which prompted him to turn to the violin prodigy, furrowing his eyebrows.

“What gave it away?”

“Well,” Hilary starts, putting the plates in another plastic bag. “Maybe it’s because of the way he looks at you, or, the way your face just lights up when literally anything comes out of his mouth,”

Brett was standing now, having returned the containers in the bag.

“Or maybe that part when you said ‘our bed’ in that fire alarm story.” [which is from 14:12 in the video btw, you’re welcome]

The plastic bags almost escape his grasp again, but he caught it just in time.

“Oh my god,” he breathes out, horrified.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fu—

Hilary’s laughing now, high-pitched and bright. “Oh, don’t worry about it,” she says as he she pats his shoulder. “I’m sure no one will notice.”

He can already feel his face getting hot.

“But... but... but you did!” He exclaims, pointing an accusing finger at her.

Hilary’s laugh grew louder. “I did say I was trained, didn’t I?”

Suddenly Brett took an interest in the empty milk tea cups, only to look up again when the laughter stopped, and his eyes were met by expectant ones.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

Hilary rolled her eyes and raised her eyebrows. “Do you really want me to say it again? We can’t have you picking containers up all night.”

Brett sighs, defeated. Eddy wasn’t here, why not just say it aloud now? While he can?

“Yes, Eddy’s a whirlwind,” he says, setting the plastic bags down on the table before making a start at tidying up the chairs. “But it wasn’t that that got me there.”

Hilary hummed again, urging him to continue.

“Eddy always tells me how brave I am, and how he wishes he was as brave as I was,

But I don’t think moving from place to place isn’t bravery. It’s cowardice.

Yeah, I like to dabble in things, sure, but that’s only because I’m so scared of staying in the same place. Being stagnant and... complacent.

I always wanted to do everything I wanted to do back then, moving to Sydney and all that, and I wanted that part of my life to be over and done with as quickly as I could.

Because, at the end of the day, I wanted to close that chapter and just... come back to him as soon as I can.

I realised that a couple of years into working with SSO, and once I did I knew what I had to do.”

“Come back to him,” Hilary echoes, smiling fondly at Brett.

“Exactly,” he resigns. He walked toward one of the chairs to grab his sweater before putting it on. “I never told Eddy this, but, when I saw him playing with Queensland I knew I didn’t want to go anywhere else. If I was going to travel the world like I’ve always dreamed of, I want him right there next to me.”

“And he still is,” Hilary nods.

“Yeah,” Brett’s head pops out of the sweater, grinning at his senior. “I guess that makes me the luckiest bastard in the universe.”

“What this about being a lucky bastard?” Eddy’s voice echoes the room, making Brett and Hilary jump, again. “Talked to the security guy in reception, he says he can only give us 15. I guess that’s enough for a little segment?”

Brett and Hilary looked at each other, eyes wide.

“Sounds good! I’ll grab my violin.”

Thank God for Hilary Hahn.

“Great! Lemme turn the camera on again,” Brett says, finally regaining his voice. He starts to walk towards the tripod until Eddy stops him, peering at the green light that blinked from behind it.

“What do you mean? We never turned it off,” Eddy says as he lifted the tripod and set it to Hilary’s direction. “Go, stand next to Hilary and we’ll just have editor-san cut the extra bits!”

[this bit is from 1:22:21 in the video btw!!]

Hilary, with her violin already resting on her shoulder, let out a breathy, nervous laugh as Eddy positioned the camera and ran towards them. Brett can’t even look at her in the eyes.

Nevertheless, he laughs alongside her, clasping his hands together.

“Practice review!”

“Practice, c’mon!”

Brett exhales deeply.

Oh my god, editor-san’s gonna have to cut that whole bit out.

“Okay!”

Shit.

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff | Smut

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence (bloody violence), Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,327

Tag List: @prisczero, @pinkpjmin, @btsaudge, @flowerwrites06, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali, @shrimpmsg, @ggukkieland​

AN: And here we go...

Chapter 57: Boy Meets Evil

“But in order to be free from this crime, it’s impossible to forget and give up.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

One Week Later Incheon – Sungui; Nam District South Korea

Hoseok and Seokjin stood side by side as they looked at the large, gray building in front of them. They parked their car at the end of the long road, surveying their surroundings. The morning sky was overcast and shrouded the landscape in hues of grays; desaturating everything. Autumn was already upon them and foliage that was once fully in bloom would soon begin singing their songs of lamentation as they died.

It was the season for beginnings to come to an end.

The old factory was worn from years of neglect. Rust spots were speckled over the iron and there were a few spider cracks along large windows on every side. Several other sedans were parked nearby, presumably Jade Fang members. Hoseok cast a critical eye over them, his gaze meeting Seokjin’s. They both nodded, stepping in sync as they approached the large metal double doors.

His hand went out to reach for the handle, pulling it open. The hinges screamed from abuse, crying for attention. The sound wailed through the expanse as the bottom portion of the door scraped along the concrete flooring. Seokjin followed closely as he entered, pulling the door closed behind him. The ambient noise of the city quickly transformed into that of a tomb.

Their footsteps echoed over the wide space. Hoseok took note of the many wooden crates that lined either walls, giving access to a variety of blind spots. The factory had a single floor that was one big open space. High above it, catwalks ran along the rafters all leading from the factory manager’s office: a metal cube suspended at one end of the warehouse. Abandoned shelf scaffolding broke up the empty space. Crates and pallets were strewn around, making decent hiding places.

He frowned when a few of Changkyun’s underlings looked at him suspiciously – each of them armed with bats, pipes, and knives. Sliding his hand into his pocket, he smirked while shaking his head. It was obvious that Changkyun didn’t trust him and that was fine. After the damage he’d caused, Hoseok couldn’t blame him for taking precautions against him.

Even if this was supposed to be a general meeting.

“Jin Hyung,” a voice called to them, causing both men to halt in their steps.

They looked over to the right where another portion of the factory broke off, seeing Wonho reveal himself. He flicked his tongue out over his lip ring, grinning like a man who’d just won a high stakes poker game. Hoseok slowly blinked as Seokjin situated himself to his right.

Wonho stopped just a few feet short from them. “I didn’t expect you to be here. I figured it would be Namjoon-ah like usual.”

Seokjin shrugged. “Yeah well, we’ve decided not to be so predictable.”

They watched him peer around them, as though he was expecting more people. “The others?”

“None of your business. Besides, he asked to meet me, did he not?”

Hoseok flicked some of his hair out of his eyes, watching the smirk on Wonho’s face grow a little more. There was a small flame of anger that continued to burn in his chest. But he didn’t say anything. He waited for Wonho to look at him, bowing his head in respect, before giving a gentle sigh.

“Where’s Changkyun-ah?”

Without breaking their gaze, Wonho raised his hand up and pointed toward the large metal stairwell that led to the manager’s office. Hoseok started to make his way to the stairwell, but stopped when Wonho side-stepped into his path. He cut his eyes at him, his brows knitting tightly. He was in no mood to play any sort of games right now. This was about business.

“Sorry Hoseok-ah,” he said, holding his hands up in a mock show of surrender, “gotta search you. Boss’s orders.”

Hoseok looked around at the armed men in the warehouse before meeting Wonho’s gaze. “…are you fuckin’ serious?”

Seokjin took a step forward but Hoseok held an arm out to stop him. He rolled his eyes, lifting his other arm so that Wonho could frisk him. No one moved, however, and this irritated him.

“Whatever. Let’s get this over with, huh? I don’t have all day.”

“Yes, yes,” he said, moving toward him.

It didn’t take long for Wonho to search him. The clothing he wore was loose-fitting around his torso while his pants were a slim fit. It made movement easier for him, but would have been obvious had he concealed anything on his person. After the search was finished, he stepped to the side to let Hoseok through. He heard Seokjin move only to take note of the sound of him being stopped. He glanced over his shoulder to see that Wonho was now impeding his brother’s path.

“Wonho-yah,” came Seokjin’s even tone, “move.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Jin Hyung. Hoseok-ah has to go on alone.” He grinned. “You can keep me company instead.”

“It’s okay, Jin Hyung,” reassured Hoseok, “I can handle it from here.”

Seokjin didn’t seem satisfied with this, but he shook his head. He knew there was no stopping Hoseok now that he was set to take care of things once and for all. This would be the last time they would have this altercation with their former brothers of the underworld. Timing was crucial.

Hoseok ascended the stairwell slowly, the iron steps rattling under him as he moved. Both hands were in his pockets as he walked, his eyes continuing to look at all the various angles of the factory warehouse. If he knew Changkyun as well as he thought he did, then his other upper-tiered members were scattered around outside. They would be on the lookout for anyone to try and shake things up.

But he already had an ace up his sleeve for that.

At the top of the stairs, the door to the office stood. To the left, a grated walkway led out over the floor, spreading into catwalks that sprawled the entire place. There was a small square window on the door smudged with dirt. He knocked loudly, the sound reverberating off the walls and bouncing back to hit his body in small tremors. When the door opened, it was Shownu standing in the doorway. They stood silently, almost gauging the other, before he shifted off to the side to allow him entrance. Once inside, Shownu exited the manager’s office and closed the door behind him.

Hoseok saw Changkyun nursing a cup of coffee from an electric kettle. The only furniture in the room were two heavy wooden tables. The rest of the office was bare; a thin slit of a window overlooking the warehouse floor. He watched him turn, smiling as he sipped from the mug. Changkyun held out the cup to Hoseok.

“Did you want me to make you a cup?”

“Are you repurposing this place?”

Changkyun snapped his fingers and pointed at him, a look of satisfaction clearly painted over his face. “Wow, you don’t miss a thing, do you Hyung?”

He shrugged, gesturing to the electric kettle with a simple tilt of his head.

“The market value for this place was decent. People need jobs and I just got my hands on a permit to start turning this into a mass shipping facility.”

“How long have you been working on this?”

He watched him hum, as if he really needed a moment to pause and think. “A few months now.”

“I see.”

“There’s money to be made, so why not make it?” He walked back over to the kettle where another mug sat on the table. “Did you want coffee or no?”

Sighing, Hoseok pulled the sleeve of his jacket back to look at his watch. “I thought we were here to talk business?”

“Always so serious,” he said, smiling, “you can relax. I won’t bite.”

“You killed my brothers and my sister-in-law,” came Hoseok’s slow response, “what the fuck did you expect?”

Changkyun clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth while shaking his head. “Oh, come on now. I already told you that this wasn’t personal.”

“You made it personal.”

“Wrong!” His voice boomed out over the small space. “I made a point.”

Hoseok scoffed. “Is that what you call it? A point?”

“Yes, I do.” He set the cup down on the table. “I warned you, Hyung, about how weak your defenses were when you left your power behind. The people around you were at risk the minute you decided to step into the light. Money and power talk and while money has done you some good, your lack of power exposed your neck to me.”

There was a pregnant pause that stretched between them. He wasn’t sure if Changkyun was waiting for him to respond to his statements, but there was nothing for him to say. Not yet. He wanted to hear everything his former brother had to unleash on him before he came out with a rebuttal of his own.

Changkyun moved away from the table, crossing the room to stand opposite of him. His back was now to the office window while Hoseok’s remained facing the door. They stared each other down; both attempting to read the other.

If looks could kill…

“Your business was with us, the Golden Jackals. You didn’t have to drag Eden into it. She had nothing to do with this.”

Changkyun waggled his finger at him. “That’s where you’re wrong.”

“How?”

“Attacking just you would have seemed personal. That’s not my endgame. Eden was an unfortunate casualty, but she was also a necessary piece that you needed to lose in this game.”

A flash of burning outrage slashed across Hoseok’s chest. For him to refer to his sister-in-law as a mere “casualty” was about as much as he could stand. But instead of launching himself across the room to lay into him, he curled his hands into fists at his sides. He couldn’t let him get under his skin so soon. They’d only just started talking.

He took a breath, a seemingly vain attempt to dampen his anger.

“So,” Hoseok breathed, “you still think this is some kind of game, huh?”

“I do.” He grinned. “And I’ve won.”

Snorting, Hoseok folded his arms across his chest. “The game isn’t over, Changkyun-ah. I still haven’t given you the keys to my kingdom.”

He watched Changkyun’s mouth form into a small ‘O’ before it spread into an arrogant smirk. “And are you?”

“They’re not mine to give.”

“I beg to differ.” Changkyun took another step closer. “You held Yongsan and Gangnam in your hands for years. You controlled those territories in a way that the other district bosses can’t ignore. It won’t be as easy as a simple gang scuffle to settle things.”

Hoseok frowned. “And why not?”

“Because you made it that way.”

He couldn’t stop the incredulous laugh that slipped out of him. “So what? This is my responsibility?”

“It never stopped being your responsibility.” He closed the distance even further, reaching a hand to grasp at Hoseok’s shoulder. “Don’t you see that?”

For a while, all Hoseok could do was look back at him. This was the man he once considered a good friend; a brother. They had so many ideas for the future. Ideas to make things better. Back when everything made sense because life was simpler. Hoseok believed he could talk Changkyun into turning over a new leaf with him – of paving a road with clean hands and leaving the dirtiness of the underworld behind them. He thought that Changkyun was better suited for a life that didn’t involve crime, betrayal, and cruelty.

The hope for that began to dwindle the day Hoseok saw him murder the former Jade Fangs leader in cold blood.

It completely vanished when he cremated his family’s bodies.

“It’s still not too late, Hyung,” urged Changkyun gently, “you can still join me. Reclaim your territories and come back home. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”

Hoseok sighed, closing his eyes and hanging his head slightly. “Changkyun-ah.” He lifted his head, eyelids fluttering as he opened them to meet the other man’s gaze. “I’m glad we had this talk. You’ve confirmed a few things for me.”

Changkyun canted his head slightly, his calm and welcoming expression melting into slight confusion. “What things?”

“That you haven’t changed. That you never will change.” Hoseok smiled pityingly at him. “You’re incapable of it.”

He felt his hand sliding off his shoulder, dropping limply at his side as he frowned. He didn’t say anything, so Hoseok continued.

“You’ve always been so sneaky. Planning everything so that you are always five steps ahead of the person you’re trying to overtake. You’re good at playing the long game and that’s why you always think you’ve won. That you’ll never be beaten.”

“I have yet to be proven wrong.”

“I’m a thinker too. But there are better thinkers at my side. People who retraced months of your steps in the process of doing their research. People who are better at getting into your head than I am.” Hoseok gave a wide gesture to the empty office space around them. “People who knew about your plans for this warehouse days before my arrival.”

For the first time since their conversation began, Changkyun looked perturbed. Hoseok wasn’t in the business of pouring salt into wounds, but he was done playing nice. He was done giving warnings.

He was finishing this today.

Lowering his gaze, he looked at his watch one more time. His smile grew a little bit wider as he locked his eyes with Changkyun’s – relishing in the realization that slowly overtook his face.

“And those same people found out that you had the gas and electric rewired for the building before having it turned on.”

And then the world shook violently beneath their feet from the explosion downstairs.

[whiskynottea]

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27,  Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35,  Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44,  Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47, Chapter 48, Chapter 49, Chapter 50, Chapter 51 Chapter 52, Chapter 53, Chapter 54, Chapter 55, Chapter 56, Chapter 57, Chapter 58, Chapter 59

AO3

(long) A/N: This story was born as a result of my procrastination. I wrote the first chapter instead of working on the paper for my PhD, an evening I was alone in the lab. I couldn’t resist, because I could see Jamie right there in front of me, teasing Claire in the class. Now, a year and a half later, I have finished writing my paper and my PhD thesis, got my PhD and I prepare for the next stage of my life. I guess what I want to say is… It has been a journey. 

I posted the first chapter as a one-shot and your feedback made me go on. Back then I knew the beginning and the end of this story and thought it would be about 20 chapters long. Well, these two kids had other plans. They had so much to do in between, to live together, that the story kept becoming longer and longer. And I loved it. I loved writing them. I really, really did.

When I was a few chapters in, I posted something about English not being my native language (as if that wasn’t obvious -- I had just started writing in English). The amazing @theministerskat saw that post and sent me a dm offering to beta Thermo. She was the first person I talked to on Tumblr and has stayed with me since then, correcting approximately 124,472,539 wrong prepositions in the process. Kat, I hope you haven’t regretted that dm. I can’t thank you enough. Love you.

So, here we are. The last chapter! Thank you all for the love you have shown to this story. Thank you for your reblogs, comments and likes. Thank you for your messages. Thank you for being a part of this journey! You’re amazing.

                                – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 60. An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics

Oxmas.

A little Christmas bubble in Oxford before the end of the term, created for the students to celebrate the holiday together. Even if it had to be a month early. 

Music, colourful Christmas markets, trees going up on the streets -- even at the centre of the old Bodleian court. I could never have imagined the Bodleian court looking more beautiful, but apparently, everything looks better with a Christmas tree.

My legs were hurting from the midnight ice-skating Malva, Mary, and Maisri had dragged me to. The three M’s of my Catastrophe, as I called them. But it was fun. A lot of fun. So much fun that I had forgotten myself for a while and laughed with all my heart.

Then I’d remembered that I would never tell him how great midnight ice-skating with friends was. 

Him. Sometimes it was difficult even to think of his name, let alone say it.

But life was going on and I was still at Oxford, with friends and our magical Christmas campus. Thinking about how terrible the holiday would be back at home, I decided that I owed it to myself to have a little bit of fun here.

I didn’t want to think about the end of the term. I was supposed to go to the US and then to Lallybroch with Jamie. Lamb wouldn't be in Edinburgh, because when I announced my initial plans he’d decided that he wouldn’t fly back. He was at a critical point in his research, he’d said. 

Back then, it was fine. Lamb was happy and he’d eased my guilt for leaving him alone in a single phone call. 

It was the reason I still hadn't told Lamb about Jamie. I didn’t want him to come back because his little niece couldn’t handle a break-up. And now, once the term was over, I would spend a month in Edinburgh alone, most probably studying for the next term. The ideal Christmas break. Just awesome.

“You’re still in your pyjamas?” Malva’s eyebrows shot up the moment she entered my dorm room. 

“Yes?” I asked confused, as I watched her walking towards me, shaking her head.

“Today is the event at Bodleian’s Old Schools Quad, remember? The one with the projections of maps on the buildings? You said you wanted to go!” 

I had said that, but then I forgot about it. It would be amazing, seeing the maps from the Bodleian Library collection projected onto the library’s historic buildings. I shot Malva an apologetic glance and got out of bed. “Give me ten minutes?” I implored, and headed towards my closet. 

“We’ll wait for you outside,” she said, before I heard the door click shut. 

I wore my favourite pair of jeans and a soft, warm sweater. Boots. A woollen scarf and a beanie, that meant I didn’t have to put any effort into taming my unruly curls. In less than ten minutes, I joined Malva and Mary who were giggling at something next to the front door. 

“What?” I asked, walking towards the entrance. 

“Well, our little shy daisy here has something to tell you, Claire.”

My eyes shot from Malva’s teasing smile to Mary’s blushing cheeks. “Oh my God! What?”

“It’s nothing!” Mary exclaimed, much louder than normal. Startling herself with her raised voice, her next words came out in a whisper. “It’s nothing, nothing. I’ve only met him once.”

“Him? Who?” I inquired with a grin on my face.

“Alex,” Malva replied instead of Mary, batting her eyelashes and faking a swoon.

“Who is Alex, Mary?”

“This guy,” Mary murmured. “I dropped my scarf last night and he picked it up and gave it back to me. He was so kind, and he smiled…”

“And?” I pushed her, but Mary had hardly heard me, lost in her reverie. 

“We were walking in the same direction,” she continued, her voice dreamy. “And we talked, and I don’t know how, but I didn’t stutter at all. He had the most beautiful eyes, and he’s a fresher too.”

“Which college?” Malva asked, chewing her lip. “We should pay him a visit!”

“Nnn-o, no, no.” Mary faltered. “And I don’t know that, anyway. An older guy materialized next to us all of a sudden and told him they had to go. Alex looked at me and said --”

“Till next time,” Malva spoke, imitating a man’s low voice.

“Yes, but not like that, you know,” Mary corrected, smiling and blushing even more. “But he doesn’t have my number and I-- I don’t know how…”

“Come on.” I linked her elbow with mine. “He might be there tonight.”

I was sure Mary hadn’t seen a single projection all night, her eyes scanning the crowd for him, for Alex. It was sweet and honest, and it made my heart hurt. So I focused my attention on the lights dancing on the hundred year old walls. The old and the new, in perfect conjunction. With my eyes on the Old School Quad buildings, I didn’t notice another him until he was standing right next to me. 

“That interested in maps, are you?” Robert’s French accent stood out from the British ones around us. I hadn’t seen him since that night at the bar, three days before. We had agreed to go out for drinks again, the way people always do when they say goodbye because they feel like they have to. He had my number and I had his from when we were back in Zambia, but, as expected, neither of us had called.

“It’s enchanting, isn’t it?” I asked in a light voice as I moved my eyes over another projection. 

He made a low, affirmative sound, but when I turned my head towards him, he was already looking at me again. “So, how do you find your first Oxmas?”

Robert shrugged. “It’s weird, isn’t it? The term hasn’t finished and I still have to work on an essay for the 26th, but everyone is so cheery. And you know, the trees, the lights…”

“They create a totally different atmosphere,” I finished his thought. “It will be weird when it’s over, going back to the pre-Christmas mood.”

“Definitely,” he agreed. “But I like it.”

“Well, celebrating Christmas twice can’t be bad.”

His eyes changed for a moment, and his mouth became a hard line. Before I had the chance to say something, he smiled. 

“Christmas is not my favourite time of the year,” he explained softly.

I was ready to ask how that could be, but I stopped myself in time. His mother. Maybe Christmas brought back memories of family traditions, and his mother was an inextricable part of this time for him. As Ellen had been for Jamie. I wondered whether not having so many memories from my parents was beneficial from time to time. But then, I would give my soul for a few more moments with them.

I took a step towards Robert and squeezed his arm in solidarity. Neither of us spoke, but we didn’t need to.

At some point, Malva disappeared and a bit later I felt someone pinching my arm.

“Ouch!” I turned to look at Mary. “What?” She was blushing again, and when I looked next to her, I saw a skinny guy with brown hair and the sweetest smile who was blushing too. 

“I didn’t find him, but he found me,” Mary whispered to me, her eyes shining with happiness. “Do you mind if we leave?”

I bit my lip to stop the smile from growing wider on my face. “No, of course not. Good luck!” I watched them until they disappeared into the crowd. 

I spent the rest of the night standing next to Robert, admiring the projections, enjoying the comfortable silence between us, and letting the colours of light sneak into my heart. 

“So, what’s the plan now?” he asked once the event was over. He looked around, searching for something. Or someone. “It seems that my friends ditched me,” he observed a moment later.

I snorted. “Yeah, mine too. Not big fans of maps, it seems.”

“Booze sounds better,” he commented. 

“Does it?” I wondered. 

“Oui. Join me for a pint?” Robert winked at me, then looked nonchalantly at the people leaving the library.

“You know that once I take the beanie off, a jungle of curls will be waiting underneath it?” I half-joked, half-prepared him for what he would see.

Robert laughed, then looked at my beanie as if I was hiding a little monster underneath it.

“You’re right,” he grimaced after a long moment of examination. “We better just walk around.”

His grimace became sincere when he felt my blow to his arm. “You’re an arse,” I added, for good measure.

“I think I’ve heard that one before,” he laughed, rubbing his arm. “That hurt,” he grumbled. “You’re paying for the drinks.”

“Fine! But no hair jokes for the rest of the night!”

“Deal!” he said, tugging on a curl, stretching it out and watching it spring back.

We went to a crowded pub, sat at the only available table in a corner, but Robert didn’t let me pay for the drinks. We talked about life in Oxford, the medical school and his courses on economics, and I tried hard to keep Jamie out of my mind, not to break down just because Robert had some common classes with him. Robert talked about his father’s business in France, and listened to my stories from my travels with Lamb. When we left, he announced that he would walk me back to my dorm, because it was late and he was a gentleman. Ignoring my snort at his description of himself, we started walking towards the dorms of Lady Margaret’s Hall. 

It was much quieter now that the events were over, but students were still walking around, laughing, flirting, and giggling. The night was beautiful, and a few stars hung in the clear sky. I took a deep breath and tried to empty my head from all thoughts of my heartbreak. I had fun tonight, and I was allowed to. I was entitled to it.

When we arrived at my dorm, I turned to say goodnight only to find Robert’s face a few inches away from mine. My heart stopped when I felt his hot breath and smelled the peppermint in it, from drops he’d bought from a stall at the Christmas market. I held my breath in turn, knowing that it smelled exactly the same. I had eaten half his peppermint drops on our way back to my dorm.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Before I had time to think, Robert tilted his head closer to me, and the next moment he brushed his lips against mine. It was gentle. A start. An invitation for more.

And I freaked out.

I took a hurried step back, raising a hand to my lips and looking at him through wide eyes.

Robert frowned at me, then took a step back, too. “You’re single, aren’t you?” he implored, perplexed.

“How?” I asked, not wanting to affirm his notion.

“How did I know?”

I nodded.

“You haven’t mentioned him once tonight or the other night at the bar, you’re not constantly on your phone texting him and you didn’t send him a picture from the event. Even though you loved it. It wasn’t so hard to figure out,” he concluded and shrugged, his gaze falling on my lips again.

“I guess I’m quite easy to read,” I murmured and heard him chuckle. 

“I like that.”

I nodded again, not knowing what to say. The truth. I had to tell him the truth. I was never good at lies, anyway. 

“Robert,” I started and his green eyes locked with mine. He was one of those people who didn’t even have to try to look good. Robert was the definition of a handsome man. But that didn’t matter at all. I took a deep breath and continued. “You’re not wrong. Jamie and I, we…” I swallowed, cursing myself for stumbling. “We broke up. But I’m not ready, and I don’t want to move on before I am. It wouldn’t be fair, to either of us.” 

Robert nodded and raised his chin, in defeat or acceptance I wasn’t sure, but kept his eyes low on the ground. “I understand.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, wanting him to look at me again. “I’m still in love with him.”

At that comment, Robert looked at me and gave me a wistful smile. He took a step towards me again and placed a warm, gentle hand on my cheek. His thumb caressed my cheekbone as he murmured something in French, so low that I wasn’t able to catch it. “You’re a good one, Claire,” he said, at last. 

“I don’t know about that,” I disagreed. 

“I do,” he insisted, then took a step back and turned to leave. I stayed rooted in place. He had only taken two steps away before he turned back again, grinned at me, and said, “See you around, Miss Bennet.”

As I walked up to my room, I wondered whether he was a good one. If I had made a huge mistake by stopping him, by not kissing him back. He was beautiful, smart and witty, even if he was a little bit more cocky and authoritative than I would like. 

And yet, kissing him now didn’t feel right.

Robert had a wonderful French accent, and all I wanted to hear was Jamie’s heavy Scottish one.

I fell onto my bed, hating Jamie for ruining my Oxmas, my chances for a future, my life. Hating myself for loving him so much.

Mary came back from her date after midnight. Alex had kissed her and her exhilaration permeated the thick layer of unhappiness that surrounded me. I was happy for her. I was glad she had found someone who was so like her, who could understand her, and care for her. Who didn’t mind if she was shy or stuttered, and saw the lovely person she was.

By the time Mary fell asleep, I couldn’t find it in me to be upset anymore. But I couldn’t force myself to be happy either. I slipped into my semi-depressed state with ease, and when I realized sleep wasn’t a choice anymore, I put on my thickest winter coat and headed out to the gardens. 

I don’t know how long I sat by the river, crying, while trying to stop my stupid heart from suffocating me. At last, I lay down on the cold grass, closed my eyes and wondered what kind of an idiot I would be if I ended up with pneumonia. Maybe that would be enough of a shock to delete Jamie from my mind. 

Maybe.

I woke up with the dawn overtaking the night sky and a hand holding mine. My heart began beating faster and faster, and I closed my eyes again, trying to figure out what to do. This wasn’t a woman’s hand. It wasn’t Mary’s, or Malva’s. It was a big, warm, male hand that seemed strangely familiar. But who was I to be sure about the familiarity of hands? I resolved to leap to my feet, take a look at the person lying beside me, and if I didn’t know him, run back to my dorm as fast as I could. 

But then he spoke. And his voice was a balm that soothed reality away.

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, will you lie with me and just forget the world?”

My heart stopped and I felt my eyes grow abnormally wide as I opened them again. I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. I tried to react, to turn and look at him, but I was afraid that he was just a dream and the moment I turned he would dissolve into thin air. He had spoken to me in my dreams before. He had never been there when I had woken up.

“But you’ve never touched me,” I croaked with effort. 

“What?” His whisper was barely audible. Tentative.

“You’ve never touched me in my dreams before.”

A chuckle. “Yeah, bummer.” His voice quivered and a shiver ran down my spine. “I couldn’t touch you in my dreams either, Sassenach, and I decided to do something about it.”

My whole body tensed.

The gall of him.

I sat up so quickly the world tilted on its axis for a few seconds. When I found my bearings again, I slowly turned to look at him.

God, he was beautiful. Those red curls, the bright blue eyes, the wide mouth. I suddenly realized why I couldn’t kiss Robert. His soft brown locks, his shining green eyes, his full lips -- they were all wrong. Perfect, but wrong. 

A small smile curled Jamie’s lips and I realized he was drinking me in too. 

And then it hit me. The hurt, the desperation, the anger. 

“What are you doing here.” It wasn’t a question. It was an interrogation. I set my jaw, resolute to be rigid, determined not to cry. 

“I had to see you,” he said in a low voice and moved to take my hand. I snatched it away from him.

“Why? Are you trying to establish a new tradition? Do we have to see each other once a month now that we’re not together?”

“Twenty-six days,” he countered. 

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“It’s been twenty-six days since that night.”

That night. I knew exactly how many days it had been. A part of me had died over the course of each one of those days. I kept my hard gaze on Jamie for a long moment, then stood up. “Well, you saw me. Now, goodbye, Jamie.”

“Claire!” he yelled, alarmed, as he sprang up and rushed to me. “Wait.” He towered over me and grabbed my arm, afraid I would leave if he didn’t have a proper hold on me. I didn’t know if he was wrong about that. I wanted to get away, far away from him. Even looking at him hurt. “Please, Sassenach.”

“What do you want?” Ice infused my tone. 

“I need to talk to you.”

I didn’t want to listen to him, and yet, I wished for him to tell me everything. I wanted to know his heart, his thoughts. I needed answers, so many answers, but just looking at him and knowing he had decided he didn’t want to be mine was stealing my breath. He was here, but he wasn’t my Jamie anymore. 

I took a step to leave and heard him gasp, as if I had shot him. I froze in place, balling my hands into fists. 

I was fighting with myself, struggling to find what I wanted, and how much more pain I could handle. I closed my eyes, trying to set my feelings in order before they could choke me.

I felt like I was four again, standing in the aisle with the chocolate bars at the grocery store and trying to choose one. It was one of the few memories I had with my dad, shopping together. I will never forget how I had stared and stared at the chocolates, licking my lips as if I were imagining their taste on my tongue, trying to decide which one I should put in our cart. And then, surprising myself, I had suddenly started crying. Soon my silent tears turned into wailing, bringing my dad’s attention back to me. 

“What's wrong, Claire?” he had asked, eyebrows scrunched in a frown. 

But I couldn't answer his question. I hadn’t known what was wrong. I only knew that I wanted to do what he had asked and choose only one chocolate, but I also wanted to buy all of them. And I felt tired, too tired to decide. I only wanted my mum, because mum would know which chocolate was the best. So I kept crying, and crying, until my breath came in gasps, and my dad's face was blurry in front of me. 

He had held my shoulders and pulled me into a hug, then, his big hand drawing circles on my back to soothe me.

“In here,” he had said afterwards, tapping lightly on my chest, “Snuggle our feelings. And they are so many, sweetheart, that sometimes they don't talk to each other and try to get out of our chest all at once. And we start crying, because we are confused and we don't know how to feel. I want you to take a deep breath, stop crying, and tell me what's wrong.”

And with my father squatting in front of me, his hands tucking errand curls behind my ears, I had told him that I didn't know what I wanted.

I felt the same now, only that I was not four anymore, and I couldn’t throw a fit. Jamie was here, standing in front of me, looking me through pleading eyes, and he was all the chocolates. And yet, I couldn't have him. I couldn't trust him, not anymore, but I didn't want to leave either. I couldn't. 

So I inhaled. Exhaled. In and out, again and again, following my dad’s advice. My coat was soaked from lying on the grass for so many hours, and my hands felt like ice cubes. And I decided to listen to him.

“Let’s go find a bench. My arse is freezing.”

I started walking and heard him falling in step behind me, undoing the zipper of his insulated jacket. “Here,” he offered, catching up with me in two wide strides. 

“I’m fine, thank you,” I dismissed him, keeping my chin high.

“Please, Sassenach.”

“Don’t call me that!” I hissed, breathing hard. He had decided that I was not his Sassenach before he made that video call. I was plain Claire to him now, and he had better deal with it.

“Please, Claire,” he repeated, rectifying his slip.

I took his jacket begrudgingly and wore it. It was dry and warm, and it smelled like him. 

Dammit.

Two minutes later we were sitting on a bench, watching the sky changing from a deep blue to a lighter one. It was beautiful. This would be one of my favourite moments with him if his surprise had happened a month ago. Now, however, I could feel the bitter taste of these twenty-six days in my throat every time I swallowed.

“I’ll hear you.”

“Can I hold yer hands, please?”

“No.” My voice was colder than my hands as I shoved them into his jacket pockets.

Jamie took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. It was such a simple gesture and so him, that I felt my heart clench inside my chest. “I miss ye, Claire,” he whispered. “Every moment, every day.”

I resolved not to talk until he was done, and to keep any tears at bay. I would not cry. I would not.

“I miss ye when I wake up and I don’t find yer text on my phone. I miss ye when the guys do something funny and I can’t text you to laugh with you about it. I miss ye when I finish training and I can’t call ye to see how ye’re doing. I miss ye when I go back to the dorm and canna talk to ye about my day. I wake up every day, knowing that no matter what happens I willna be happy, Claire... I canna think of myself without ye.”

Fuck my resolution. I had to speak. 

“You didn’t seem to have any problem with that, twenty-six days ago,” I deadpanned. 

“I was a fool.” Jamie’s voice trembled. “I thought… I thought breaking up would be hard, but we’d get over it and then everything would be easier for both of us. I could see ye struggling here, and I couldna even hug you when ye needed me, when ye were tired from long hours in the library. Ye couldna come to my races or be there to calm me down when I was stressed. Another guy in the team broke up with his girlfriend who lived in another State and he got over it, eventually. And we arena in different States, Claire. We live on different continents,” he explained as if that detail had eluded me. “I felt torn all the time, between ye and my life in the US. I ken that I was the one who changed our plans, I was the one who went to Michigan--”

“I never said anything about our plans. I never complained, and I supported your decision from the very first moment. I was the one who told you to go. That is not why we broke up. We broke up because you stopped believing in us. Because you wanted somebody who would be closer to you.”

“No!” he protested, his gaze bore into mine with insistence and flame. “No, not somebody. Not anybody. I wanted ye to be close to me, and I thought that if we were in a long-distance relationship for years the pain of not seeing each other would become too much, until we couldna take it anymore. Or what we had would become less. I thought that we would gradually fall apart, and I didna want that. I thought that we didna have any other option, Sassenach. Every time that ye missed one of my calls, or I missed yers, I became more sure of it. Then I thought…” he trailed off.

“What? What else did you think, Jamie?” I prompted, impatient. He was a mess but I didn’t feel merciful in that moment to go soft on him. Not after everything I had been through.

“I thought if we were destined to be together, maybe we would find each other again once ended up in the same country. But now I know, Claire. I dinna want to find ye again after how ever many years, and realize that ye don’t want to be mine anymore. That there is a big part of yer life that I know nothing about. I dinna want to miss yer first day in the OR, or yer graduation. I dinna want to miss yer smiles after yer tutorials, even if I can only see them through a screen. I dinna ken what I was thinking when I believed I could do it without you, but I can’t. I can’t and I don’t want to be without you.”

I huffed, partly because I didn’t want to let his words have an impact on me. “Twenty-six days. Took you long enough.”

“I tried, at first. I tried to go on, to tuck you into a corner of my heart and keep living. But I couldn’t, Sassenach, because all of my heart was yers. I could have come to find you after those first few days. And maybe I should have, but I didna, because I wanted to be sure. But no matter how hard I tried, living without ye didna become easier. It became harder. I kent how I was with ye, and now I ken how it is to live without ye. It sucks, Claire. I’m miserable without ye. All I could think of this past month--”

“Twenty-six days,” I interrupted him.

He smiled, shaking his head. “I love ye. A Dhia, I love ye so much it hurts. Twenty-six days. All I could think of was ye, Sassenach. How I wanted to share everything with ye. How I needed to ken where ye are, what ye’re doing, and how ye feel. I missed ye with every breath I took. And now I ken that I canna go on without ye.”

I’d resolved not to cry, but treacherous tears were rolling down my cheeks without asking for my permission. 

“And how do I know that you won’t change your mind again? How can I trust you again, Jamie?” My question found its target in his heart, and I saw his sharp intake of breath from the impact. “You broke my heart,” I whispered, as an explanation. “You broke me.”

He looked down for a moment, but quickly locked his eyes on mine again. “I fucked up. I know I did. Forgive, mo nighean donn. Forgive me, please.” He paused for a moment, and extended his hand between us, palm facing up. He didn’t remove it when I didn’t move to take it, and he continued. “All I’m asking for is another chance. One chance, Sassenach. If ye’re not ready, if ye need time, I can wait. I will wait for as long as it takes.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t think time would change how I felt. I loved him, I knew I did. But he had given up on us, yielding to his fears. He didn’t believe we would make it through all the years of our separation. He had chosen a life without me and broke me in the process.

Well, and he regretted it. It was clear that he did. I could see it as much in the pain in his eyes as I could hear it in his voice when he spoke. 

I watched Jamie’s chest rising and falling with every breath he took while he waited for me to say something. His hair was a mess from all the times he had run his hand through it. I wanted to fix it, and then run my fingers over his cheekbones, over the curve of his lips. And yet, I was frozen in my place. Not even to take his hand that lay on the bench between us.

“How can we ever be the same again?” I asked, unsure. I started caving in, and I didn’t know how to feel about it.

“I dinna want us to be the same. D’ye remember the first time I talked to ye?” he asked with a timid smile. “In Mrs. Fitz’s class, ye were keeping notes on the first law of thermodynamics.”

I didn’t know where he was going with that, but I stayed silent and let him go on.

“The conservation of energy. Nothing is lost, Sassenach; only changed. And I don’t care if we change, as long as we change together. This… Me without ye… It was an interruption in the first law of thermodynamics. Because I was lost. And that’s against the laws of physics.”

I laughed. This was ridiculous. Jamie blushed, and then laughed with me.

“I ken what I want now, Claire. I want ye. I want us. And I will fight for us, if ye let me, because what we had -- what we have -- it’s true. It’s truer than anything I will ever get. It’s more than I could ever ask for.”

I kept my eyes on the river, the grass, the sky. I felt my heart beating faster in response to his words, as if each time he spoke he glued another of its broken parts back in place.

“All I’m asking for, is a chance,” Jamie implored. “A chance to prove myself to ye, mo ghraidh.” 

“A chance,” I murmured, trying to sort the tangle of emotions in my chest.

He came closer, now brave enough to take my hands out of my pockets and wrap them in his. “I know ye and ye know me. Ye’re the only person in the world that really knows me. Ye’re my heart and my soul Claire, and I canna leave without them, can I?” Without taking his eyes from me, he leaned into me and kissed me gently on the lips. 

And damn him, it felt right. But I didn’t kiss him back. I had more to say.

“You didn’t talk to me.” I kept my voice calm. “You had all these thoughts in your head, and you left me here in the dark, thinking that everything was alright on your end. And when you made up your mind, you just called me to announce the verdict of a trial I didn’t participate in.”

Jamie opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again. I guess there was nothing he could say that wouldn’t be a lie. He had decided for both of us.

“This…” I started again. “This is not how things work, how relationships work. If you have second thoughts, I need to know. If you need something I’m not giving you, I need to know. If you believe that we’re fucking falling apart,” I finally barked, unable to keep the anger from my voice, “I. Need. To. Know.”

Jamie nodded, but I was far from finished. “What we’re trying to do is bloody hard. We need to talk, and talking includes the unpleasant discussions too. I’m not going to try again without knowing that you’ll do that.”

“I give ye my word, Claire. We will make this work. I will do anything I can to make sure it does.”

“Will you talk to me? Always?” There was no ice or blaze in my voice now. Just a question. A sincere question that demanded an honest answer. 

“Always,” Jamie vowed and leaned into me. “I will not give up on us, ever again,” he whispered on my lips, and I drank the words in.

I had trusted him with my heart before and he broke it. But he was right when he said that I knew him. And I knew he’d torn his own heart apart in the process too. I could still see the pain in the way his sweater hung a little too wide on him, in the black bags underneath his blue eyes. I looked into his eyes, those eyes I knew better than my own, and saw the truth in them.

“One chance, Jamie Fraser. You won’t get another.”

“I willna need another. Ye’re mine and I’m yers, and I will never let you go again.”

“Promise?” I asked, as if that would seal the deal. As if his promise would secure my happiness.

“Promise,” Jamie nodded emphatically, his eyes overflowing with tears that split when he closed them and kissed me again.

And this time, I kissed him back. It was long, and soft, and encompassing. It was an offering of his soul, and I took it, keeping it safe inside my chest. A treasure and a hostage. 

“Plus,” Jamie said once we stopped to catch our breath. “I offer you a chance to torture me forever for making the worst mistake of my life.”

I laughed, cupped his cheeks and kissed him again.

I closed my eyes. Life was nothing but chances and choices. Decisions. Paths waiting for us to take them. A huge aisle with chocolate bars. 

I looked towards the path in front of me and I saw Jamie and me together -- arguing, fighting, kissing, laughing. I saw a man who wasn’t flawless, but was mine. I saw a future that wasn’t perfect, but was real. 

I saw happy moments and sad ones. I saw difficulties and dreams coming true. I saw us facing life with our hands clasped tightly together. 

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a risk, but a risk worth taking. 

“Challenge accepted, Jamie Fraser.” 

And just like that, the next chapter of our lives began.

[seasickbaby]

Just a Kiss (II)

Pairing: Christopher x reader

Words: 1.7k

Summary: Christopher offers to help improve your *romantic* skills, and he isn’t kidding. When you agree, things escalate and feelings you tried to suppress resurface. 

A/N: Hola amores! Thank you so much for your patience with his fic. Ngl I don’t think this is my best writing but I wanted to get it up anyways. This chapter is short but I’m thinking about making this a series. Please come talk to me about this chapter and what you (want) think is gonna happen next! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated and keeps me motivated to write more. Also from now on my notes will go at the bottom! Enjoy!

You can read part one here: 

https://seasickbaby.tumblr.com/post/188487428355/just-a-kiss

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“I mean,,, t-tips…” You stutter, “Give me tips.”

Christopher clicks his tongue and leans back on the counter.

“Tips will only get you so far y/n… This is more of a hands on activity.”

You roll your eyes and slap his arm playfully. “Come on, I need a guy’s perspective. I could give you some in return.”

Chris, completely unfazed, just takes another sip of his beer. The lack of attention is bothersome so you cross your arms and pout your lip; inner five year old coming out when he doesn’t give you what you want.

Chris steals a side glance and chuckles. He then turns and, with a soft gaze, places a soft hand underneath your chin.

“No offense princesa, but what tips could you possibly give me?”

Forehead wrinkling, you force a laugh.

Wow, that was rude.

“Full offense Chris, but for how much you get gassed up about your skills, I expected more.”

This takes him by surprise. He was used to being teased by the other members, sure, but never about his ways with women. Everyone knew he was a ladies man. Even himself.

“Woah what do you mean?” Visibly hurt and confused, Chris pulls back his hand and dramatically places it over his chest.

You pretend you do not hear.

“Hmmm, maybe I should just ask Zabdi, I bet he won’t mind.” You shrug before hopping off the stool, “I’ve heard good things about him too.” You wink.

“Wait, wait, wait.”

His hand finds yours before you could walk away.

“Fine. I’ll help you, but first take back what you said.”

His ego got hurt, cute.

“And why would I do that?” You smile innocently.

He gives a small tug on your hand and brings you to stand in front of him, pulling you in between his legs when he hooks his hands behind your lower back. Eyes burning into yours.

Funny how people say that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. Most would say Chris is an open book; his outgoing, energetic personality makes it seem like such, but his eyes always spoke the words he never said out loud. Full of emotions yet never revealing too much, only showing what he wanted you to see.

You let yourself get lost in them every once in a while, never for too long. But right now, being so close in proximity, staring straight into his doe eyes, made you a little light headed.

Not even kidding, you could’ve kissed him again right there and then... if Erick hadn’t interrupted. The young one came over, ever so happily, and throws his arms over both your shoulders; the movement forcing Chris’ hands to let go of you.

“Ayyyy, compadres.”

“Erick your breath smells like beer.” Chris laughs as he sees you wrinkle your nose in the opposite direction of his face.

“Honestly, who even gave you alcohol you’re a baby!”  

“I am not! Tengo 18 años para su información. I’m a full grown, legal, adult!” Erick sloppily waves his hands in the air.

“Uh huh, we can see that.”

A couple minutes pass of the three of you standing there together, laughing and talking, until Erick stops mid conversation and gasps.

Listen to the song!” He instructs.

You and Chris both give each other a puzzled look as you try to listen over the crowd of drunk people.

“Que sordos… It’s El Guachineo!” He grabs your hand and starts to pull you out onto the dance floor, “Come on, let's dance!”

You swallow the last of your drink and the tequila pumps through your veins, making you feel bolder and confident. Perhaps it was the way Chris was looking at you or the one too many shots you took, you weren’t really sure, but you get the sudden urge to give in to Christopher’s temptations. Nervously biting your lip, you lean closer to him, and you’re sure going to regret this once you’re sober.

“Prove me wrong, and I’ll retract my statement.”

He could've not known what you meant, but the way his eyes widened made you think otherwise. You send him a flirtatious, yet sweet, smile before letting Erick drag you away.

There was never a dull moment when dancing with Erick. The way he flung his arms around everywhere and his facial expressions always had you laughing. Erick was a good dancer, no doubt about it, but he’s also a goofy guy, and that goofiness is multiplied by ten when he drinks.

Eventually the rest of the boys join you on the dance floor; everyone except Christopher. The longer you danced the longer you overthought the comment you previously made; anxiety begins builds up in your stomach. You try to push the thoughts away and instead focus on the boys in front of you, who were arguing over who was better at dancing bachata.

After what felt like an hour, you leave the group to look for Chris. You begin with where you last left him. Upon not finding him, you turn to the person most likely to have seen him last.

“Excuse me,” You smile at the barista, “have you, by any chance, seen a man with sloppy brown hair, tattoo sleeved arms, and looks like,,, a deer… kinda?”

“The Velez guy that was sitting with you over there?”

“Yes! That one.”

“He left not long after you and el otro muchacho went out to dance.” She gave you an apologetic smile.

The way your heart drops a little is unsettling, so you ignore the feeling and, instead, order one last shot of tequila before heading back to the hotel. You shoot the boys a quick text in the groupchat and head out of the club.

                                                                                                To: Thicc boyz + y/n

I’m going back to the hotel, have fun :)

From: Thicc boyz + y/n

Zabdi: Who’s taking you?

You’ve been drinking all night

                                                                                                To: Thicc boyz + y/n

I called an uber I'm fine

From: Thicc boyz + y/n

Richard: I’m coming with you

                                                                                                To: Thicc boyz + y/n

 I’m F I N E, enjoy your night

From: Thicc boyz + y/n

Richard: You’re drunk in a big city we don’t know, 

I'm not letting you go alone

                                                                                                To: Thicc boyz + y/n                                                            *not drunk & too late :P

Later, xoxo

You throw your head back on the Uber’s seat with a sigh and close your eyes, feeling a bit dizzy.

“Long night?” The Uber guy asks.

You sigh with a small laugh  “In a way.” Even though it was only two in the morning; at this time people are still drinking non stop.

“Well, I hope whatever is troubling you now resolves itself soon. Remember, everything happens for a reason.”

It was a small but sweet gesture. Maybe your troubles were a bit dumb but he made your feelings validated. Let’s just say, you got back to the hotel safe and sound and with a new friend: Ricky the driver.

The elevator ride to the fourteenth floor was slow and you couldn’t wait to finally relax. You open the door of your room and smile in relief when you kick your heels off. You took a shower, put on your favorite silk pjs, threw a robe over it and flopped on the bed to watch The Lion King (for the hundredth time) with a bowl of grapes. You were in the middle of singing Hakuna Matata when your phone rings.

A notification from Chris pops up.

Christopher:

Did you make it back to the hotel safely? [2:50 am]

Y/N:

I did, thanks for asking [2:51 am]

Where did you go tonight? [2:53 am]

Christopher:

I, uh, had to take care of a little problem [2:54 am]

Y/N

Oh? [1:54 am]

Christopher:

That you caused… [2:54 am]

Y/N:

I’m even more confused  [2:55 am]

Christopher:

Did you mean what you said before? [2:57 am]

Y/N:

What do you mean [2:57 am]

Christopher:

About,,, you know [2:58 am]

Christopher:

Proving you wrong [2:58 am]

Y/N:

Oh, I didn’t not mean it [2:59 am]

Your heart thuds loudly as you anticipate his response

Christopher:

Y/N you’re Richard’s little sister… [3:00 am]

Y/N:

Damn. Bitches just want to be good kissers and end up getting exposed to their brother… I’m bitches :( [3:00 am]

Y/N:

Just say you don’t like me and GO [3:01 am]

Christopher:

I guess I could teach you a thing or two [3:02 am]

That has you sitting up abruptly. Eyes scanning the text over and over. You feel your heart in your throat and, why is it extremely hot all of a sudden? You push yourself off your bed and pace around the room, unsure of what to do or say next.

Your phone dings with another text and you scramble to read it.

Christopher:

Come to my room. [3:05 am]

A101 [3:05 am]

You debate it at first. Coming up with multiple “what if’s” and a long list of things that could go wrong. But at the end of the day you knew this was a one time thing, no strings attached, and a way to practice. So why not?

You’re knocking on room A101’s door sooner than you expected. You look down at your shorts and curse yourself for not wearing something less revealing. A couple seconds pass, enough for you to change your mind, so you turn to walk away.

“A donde vas?”

A voice too familiar says behind you. You slowly face him, heart beating out of your chest and hands a tad clammy.

“Strictly for instructional purposes only?” You raise one eyebrow.

“Nothing more.” He extends his hand and you stare at it for a second before grabbing it. His lips part into a smile and yours return it. Chris pulls you into the room, letting out a small laugh as you trip over your feet. He reaches a hand up to brush through your hair, stopping at your jaw and tracing his thumb all the way to your lips.Your laugh dies down as you see Christopher’s eyes flick to your lips, tongue coming across them in a slow, sultry, motion.

Deep down, you knew you were crossing a line which you couldn’t come back from. And you were worried. Lowkey truly worried. Because there was so much on that line: your friendship with Christopher (one of your best friends), Christopher’s relationship with your Richard (his band mate and best friend) and your relationship with your brother. But all those worries vanish when Chris leans in to press a soft kiss to your forehead, your nose, and then the corner of your lips.

“Step number one.”

[simping-on-the-daily]

Get to know Chelsea uncomfortably well! I just hope I can give credit to the person who wrote out the questions. XD

1. What is you middle name? “Not for me!” 2. How old are you? “Well, Thomas is twenty-nine and I was created when he was five, so........twenty-four?” 3. What is your birthday? September 25th!” 4. What is your zodiac sign? “Libra!” 5. What is your favorite color? Pink! Or black! Depends.” 6. What's your lucky number? “19th of December!” 7. Do you have any pets? “Oh, I wish!” 8. Where are you from? “The Mindscape.” 9. How tall are you? “6′1!” 10. What shoe size are you? “I think I mentioned this in another post?” 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? “As many as I want! We don’t need to ‘buy’ stuff.” 12. What was your last dream about? “Virgil and me were riding on a giant carrot. Don’t ask. XD” 13. What talents do you have? ”Really good at Origami!” 14. Are you psychic in any way? “I can sense when people are feeling sad, so sorta?” 15. Favorite song? ”It’s All Love from Trolls: World Tour.” 16. Favorite movie? “The BNHA/MHA movies!” 17. Who would be your ideal partner? “I already have my ideal partner.” 18. Do you want children? “WE CAN HAVE KIDS?!?!” 19. Do you want a church wedding? “I’d prefer a garden wedding!” 20. Are you religious? “Not me personally, but Thomas was raised with a Catholic view.” 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? ”My boyfriend makes sure that never happens. Virgil truly lives up to his name as the protector!” 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? “Nah. We don’t even have laws here! Just basic human decency.” 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? “I was literally created by a celebrity. Of course!” 24. Baths or showers? “Baths! They’re so relaxing!” 25. What color socks are you wearing? “Same as before; black and white striped socks.” 26. Have you ever been famous? “Probably! I am part of a famous YouTube program, so maybe. XD” 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? “I think I already am.” 28. What type of music do you like? “Inspirational Songs! Virgil’s gotten me into Panic! At The Disco.” 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? “This question better fits Remus. :p” 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? “Already answered this!” 31. What position do you usually sleep in? “I’m always hugging something! Whether it’s Virgil or a pillow, nothing can escape my cuddles. >:3″ 32. How big is your house? “It’s always changing because of Roman.” 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? “Usually a pop tart or some pancakes.” 34. Have you ever fired a gun? “Noooooooooooo........” 35. Have you ever tried archery? “Saw Roman try it, did it, broke my foot, cried, and got cuddled.” 36. Favorite clean word? So......just a word?” 37. Favorite swear word? “None!” 38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep? “Thirty-one hours, I think?” 39. Do you have any scars? “If I had, they would’ve healed.” 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? “Nah. Virgil was more like a non-subtle piner.” 41. Are you a good liar? “Not really? I don’t lie a whole lot, so I’m a little rusty.” 42. Are you a good judge of character? “I’ll leave that one in the air.” 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? “My ability to make my voice more relaxing does instinctively change to people’s preferences. If some people think a British accent is calming, I get a British accent.” 44. Do you have a strong accent? “Nah!” 45. What is your favorite accent? “This is a question?�� 46. What is your personality type? “?????????” 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? “I don’t it’s ‘expensive’ when you didn’t even buy it in the first place. :p” 48. Can you curl your tongue? “Yep!” 49. Are you an innie or an outie? “Insert the “I AM CONFUSION MEME” right now, please.” 50. Left or right handed? “Men to the left, because woman are always right. :D Quotes aside though, I’m a leftie!” 51. Are you scared of spiders? “Unless they’re watching me in the shower like a perv, then no.” 52. Favorite food? *insert a starry eyed Chelsea rambling about junk food* 53. Favorite foreign food? “Pizza counts, right?” 54. Are you a clean or messy person? “Depends.” 55. Most used phrased? ”I’m here for you.” 56. Most used word? “Love.” 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? “Not long! We can just snap our fingers and poof, we’re camera ready.” 58. Do you have much of an ego? “I’d like to think I’m pretty modest!” 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? “Who. Bites. Lollipops?” 60. Do you talk to yourself? “It’s instinctive. I don’t know I do it until someone points it out. ;p” 61. Do you sing to yourself? “More like I hum to myself!” 62. Are you a good singer? “I’d like to think so!” 63. Biggest Fear? “Letting people down.” 64. Are you a gossip? “.........No?” 65. Best dramatic movie you've seen? “Thinking face: activate.” 66. Do you like long or short hair? “Hair’s hair!” 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? “Nope-” 68. Favorite school subject? “Art was always fun! Even if you technically never went to class....” 69. Extrovert or Introvert? “Extrovert!” 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? ”I think Thomas has, but not me myself.” 71. What makes you nervous? “Not helping others. ‘We need to talk’ is also pretty nerve wracking.” 72. Are you scared of the dark? “I’m not scared of the dark, I’m scared of what's in the dark.........YES I AM-” 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? “Only if it’s like ‘hey, you used that word wrong and it’s actually really offensive.’“ 74. Are you ticklish? “Please don’t let Virgil know-” 75. Have you ever started a rumor? “It was a very minor rumor that never hurt anyone!” 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? “Does being part of the jury in the courtroom count?” 77. Have you ever drank underage? “I was a very good rule following child!” 78. Have you ever done drugs? ”NO-” 79. Who was your first real crush? “Virgil. By extension, he’s my first boyfriend! Hopefully my only.” 80. How many piercings do you have? ”Nippity nopeity none!” 81. Can you roll your R’s? “Bold of you to assume I can even roll my R’s.” 82. How fast can you type? “Pretty fast!” 83. How fast can you run? “Pretty slow!” 84. What color is your hair? “Already answered this, but it’s sorta like a light salmon? Lightish reddish pink?” 85. What color is your eyes? “Magenta and pink! It’s got a sorta effect to it.” 86. What are you allergic to? “I feel really bad for the people who are allergic!” 87. Do you keep a journal? “Used to, and I still have it!” 88. What do your parents do? “I don’t have parents, try again.” 89. Do you like your age? ”Not sure on how to answer this?” 90. What makes you angry? “Like Mr. Rogers said, people hurting other people.” 91. Do you like your own name? “Why do people like this question so much-” 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? “I have! For a boy, I think I said Aiden, Connor and Jacob. For a girl I went with Faith, Hope and Harmony.” 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? “My child is my child, and I’ll love them regardless of their gender!” 94. What are you strengths? “I’m upbeat, optimistic, and comforting! At least, that’s what I think.” 95. What are your weaknesses? “I don’t like these kind of questions? I don’t wanna dwaddle on the bad bits of myself.....” 96. How did you get your name? ”We all came up with our names during high school! Aisha came up with her name and since we both imaginary friends created in the same year, I stuck with the ‘ending with a’ pattern and got Chelsea!” 97. Were your ancestors royalty? “I don’t even have ancestors-” 98. Do you have any scars? “I’m pretty sure we had this question already-” 99. Color of your bedspread? ”Black and pink!” 100. Color of your room? “My bedroom walls? Well, it’s white.”

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer IV: A Mother’s Love

“Their specialty here is the Big Chicken Ramen and that’s what I really recommend.” Lu Mingfei said, a giddy with excitement. “He only makes about 20 servings a day and since it’s like what...” He checked his phone, “3 am? We get to have it.”

The ramen shop was set in an alleyway far off the street and was Tokyo’s best kept secret. At this late hour, the restaurant was empty save the old uncle guarding the soup pot.

“And to drink?” The Uncle asked.

“Beer for me,” Lu Mingfei. He looked at Nono.

“Me too.” She said.

“Me three!” said Crow.

The old uncle looked at me. “Just bottled water please.” I said.

Johann looked up from the menu. “I’ll have a Coke.”

I whirled on him. “A Coke?!”

He flinched away from me.

Ever since Chu Zihang and I started dating, he’d controlled my diet. There was no way that he would ever let me have a Coke. He pointed out how such sugar laden beverages effected the immune system and mood, how the caffeine could wreck your circadian rhythm, and the acid would rot your teeth.

If I ordered a Coke in front of him, it would be tantamount to saying I didn’t believe in science or that I simply didn’t care about my body.

And now he, this kid in a Johann Chu suit, was ordering a Coke in front of me when I hadn’t had a Coke in years!

I couldn’t even turn and order a Coke for myself, either. At this point, I knew better than to do that, especially after all the effort we took to have a healthy hybrid child like Ru’Yi.

I also knew that Johann Chu - my Johann Chu - would be so disappointed if I didn’t stand on principal in this moment and set an example for his younger self.

But I swore in my heart that the first thing I was going to do after all this was over was to sit down with Johann Chu and order a Coke and drink all of it in front of him and dare him to say anything about it!

I huffed and turned away from him pulling a soft toy bunny attached to a string from my pocket. Ru’Yi, strapped in a high chair, needed to entertain herself and at this point,  anything she picked up, she threw. So I attached strings to her toy and tied it to her high chair.

As soon as Ru’Yi gripped the toy in her baby fingers, she shoved it in her mouth, examined it for a moment, turning it in her hands, and then flung it. The toy dangled and I picked it up and gave it back to her.

“It’s a pity that Bondarev’s lab was destroyed by Herzog, otherwise there would be more clues.” The Crow said, lowering his voice. “That warehouse is an important place for the family. Eventually, someone will notice you there.”

The uncle returned with our orders and we paused the discussion for a moment while we thanked him. For a few minutes, no one spoke as we were too busy partaking into this savory masterpiece that was the ramen.

“You said that the academy will send someone to Tokyo?” Nono shook her beer can, which was already mostly empty.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” said Crow. “Even if the entire Executive Department was sent to Tokyo, they would be as lost as a drop of water in a vast ocean.”

“But they’ll find us sooner or later,” Nono said. “The Executive Department Headquarters is not without real elites, and these can be put on the battlefield.”

Chu Zihang glanced over at me. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure!” I said. “Can’t promise I’ll answer!” I lifted my chin, smiling.

“Did you... study at Children’s Palace?” He asked.

“No.” I said. “But my teacher did.” I grinned at him.

“Oh... okay. I was wondering how you knew that sword drill. I’d never seen you there.”

I blinked a bit and then realized that Johann thought I was the same age as he thought he was. He really saw himself as fifteen even though he had the body of a man in his 20s. When he looked at me, he saw a petite young woman who could be at the same age as him and was wondering if he knew me when he was back at the Children’s Palace studying martial arts.

“Even if I did study there, you wouldn’t have known me.” I said. “I’m actually 19.”

While we were talking, Nono fished out a large piece of chicken from his bowl, chopped it into smaller pieces and threw it back in.

“Are you going to let her tie your shoes too?” I whispered to him. “You’re not a baby, don’t let her treat you like one!”

“She’s just being nice...”

Ru’Yi tossed her toy over the edge where it dangled from the string. She had been trying for several seconds to figure out how to get it back up but her baby brain couldn’t fathom how to grab the string.

I picked up the toy and put it back on the tray in front of her.

My baby looked me in the eyes and smiled. There was no way she could be able to understand the concept of gratitude. She just was so happy to see me and her toy. I smiled back humming. “You’re so precious. Yes, you are!”

Ru’Yi continued to bite the rabbit’s head, giggling and kicking her feet in joy.

Then she threw it.

Nono was sipping her beer lost in thought. “Do you know why I don’t like my father?”

Crow and Mingfei froze in place at these surprising words from Nono. Nono was not one to talk about her feelings.

“I have 54 brothers and sisters. With the exception of a few twins and triplets, we’re all from different parents.”

“What an... excellent dad...” Crow drawled. 

“Don’t get me wrong. He doesn’t have that many wives. He’s not a stallion like Caesar’s father.” She sipped her beer, huffing. “He just thinks that his dragon blood is very precious and wants to share as much of it as possible with the human race. Plus he has so many assets and properties he needs a lot of heirs to manage it. So he invested in medical institutions and established a secret program to invite poor women to be his surrogates for money. They have the kids, the kids are taken away. If they’re average, they get put into one of the family’s many foster homes. But if they’re of excellent pedigree, my father raises them at his personal manor.”

“So I’ve never seen my mother as a child. But I still had a big family. We all lived together in this big house and were well cared for.”

I turned to her in surprise. It sounded a lot like the foster system I had lived with! Only hers was so much bigger and they were all related! My foster siblings all came from troubled homes and had experienced trauma to some extent, but this situation seemed so much better!

“We had a strict reward system based on merit, similar to a report card. Only the best got the direct care and love of their father.”

“Oh...”  I said, disappointed. It was true. There was no way all 54 of those kids could possibly get equal amounts of attention from their father and would have to seek validation elsewhere.

“Were you... a good child in the eyes of your father?” asked Crow.

Mingfei gave him a owlish look, but Nono actually answered.

“Yes. In fact, I was number one.” She didn’t say this with any pride. “I may not have any obvious Soul Skill but I can learn everything faster with my ability to Profile. In fact, it’s made me a bit complacent. Why study hard when you can accurately guess the answers based on how tests were conducted in the past?”

“But I was at the manor one summer vacation at the swimming pool when I heard a huge commotion. The dirtiest and smelliest woman had somehow made it into the fenced in area. She looked like she had walked the whole way, because her shoes were worn through and her feet were bloody.”

“My older brothers held her at gunpoint but she just kept asking something over and over in this dialect. One of my siblings said she was from India and was saying she wanted to see her daughter.”

“We all kinda laughed.” She chuckled. “Because how can this crazy lady have a kid here?”

I chewed my lip, already knowing the end of this story.

“She suddenly saw me, her eyes just lit up and she came close to me. Knelt in front of me. I had never seen that look before. So gentle, so happy. She cried and laughed and talked to me in a hoarse whisper.”

“I couldn’t understand but... that sibling said that she said I was her daughter.”

“Before then? I’d never thought about my mom. I just figured she sold me and that all she cared about was money. But suddenly such a bad woman knelt in front of me and said she was my mother.”

My eyes swam with tears. I turned away and all I saw was Ru’Yi. I was so sorry I had sold my eggs to Comemnus. I was younger, I was ignorant. I was scared and felt trapped.

But if I had fully understood the consequences of that seemingly small decision, I would have chosen to die first. Look at how beautiful and smart Ru’Yi and Nono were. If only I had understood...

“She was hugging me and she wasn’t letting me go. At this point the guards arrived. We kept aggressive dogs that would attack or lay down on command. When the guards dragged her away, she started screaming and cursing at them and fighting them. She actually got loose and ran back to me.” 

“At that point, one of the dogs was set on her.”

“But even as she was bitten, she kept looking at me as I was taken away from her. I could tell that, no matter how much pain she was in, her eyes were saying, ‘Please don’t hurt my daughter.’“

I wiped the tears from my face. Ru’Yi was looking at me, her eyes big in her head. She’d stopped playing with her toy. She just held it, staring.

I knew that exact feeling. In the Red Well, I couldn’t save my baby from Herzog. He’d run a sword through me and then stepped on it so that it pierced the ground. I could only scream and gasp and cry as he put the needle in him and drained his blood.

At that moment, I would have gladly given my life for his.

“At that moment, I had to believe that she was my mother. Because I had never seen anyone look at me like she did. A look of someone who loves you that much.”

Nono’s speech slowed. “So... I broke from from the guards, ran up, and broke the dog’s neck.”

“Wow...” Lu Mingfei breathe, horrified by the story but amazed that Nono could do such a thing in that moment.

“Yeah well... you were they only one who was impressed. The other guards felt my behavior was abnormal and stunned me with an electric baton.”

“What?!” Crow and Mingfei yelled in unison.

I found out this lady had actually tried to get me back shortly after I was born. But the agreement was to give me up and by then I was determined to be ... too valuable.” Her voice took on a bitter edge.

Nono smirked shaking her empty beer can. “Oh it gets worse. Turns out my mother was infected with a parasite that eats away at your brain. And that parasite can have eggs that pass through to the fetus. So... they wanted to put me into quarantine isolation. My rival siblings loved that...” 

“I agreed so long as they gave my mother the best care possible.”

“Are you... okay?” Lu Mingfei asked quietly.

Nono nodded. “Oh I’m fine... but my mother...” Nono suddenly got up from the table and walked over to the restaurant fridge, helping herself to another can of beer. When she turned around and looked at me she stopped.

I couldn’t read the expression in her eyes. They were dull, like someone had turned out a light behind them.

Ru’Yi sucked her thumb, looking at me, clutching her rabbit toy.

Nono went back to the table and said, cracking the can open.

“How’s your mom now.”

“Brain dead.” She took a long sip. “You know, after I got out of quarantine, my dad came to see me personally. He said that he was very happy that I was fine that he was worried about me.”

That bitterness returned. She was smiling but her eyes were full of hatred. “He told me that I was the very best in the house and I will inherit his career. And I just laughed.”

“I said, no way. I’ll just be an employee!”

Now I understood why Nono was so annoyed by that message. It sounded eerily similar to this speech. Perhaps Nono, even back then, understood the insincerity of it.

“He said, “How can you be an employee! You’re my child I gave you life!” She downed more of her beer and sighed, slapping it to the table. “I didn’t even bother answering.”

She turned her head to look out the window. “Life isn’t what you can give by just ... giving birth to someone. That’s now how it works. You give life to your child when you give your life to them! When my mother died, I became her child. I’m no longer one of the 55 heirs of his.”

“He has the nerve to call me home?” She sneered. “Where do I have a home?”

Ru’Yi gave a little whimper and pushed her toy against my cheek, sucking her thumb. 

I took it in my hands, quietly saying. “Thank you...” Then I gently tossed it.

Ru’Yi giggled and I echoed it.

Nono suddenly seemed to realize she was talking to much and said, “Now that you’re sufficiently depressed a toast!”

She didn’t say to whom. She didn’t have to. We all clinked our drinks together, remembering our mothers.

[batsysims]

didnt wanna do an actual Simself Edit™ so have an arrested development reference

anyways

i was tagged by @0cherub & i tag any1 who hasnt done this yet bc who doesnt like answering 125 questions abt themselves oh also @flavortowne im forcing you to do this sry

get to know me tag

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

3. BIRTHDAY? september 15

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES?  what?? are books

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? ye both

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? ummmm idk lmfao i havent “read” a “book”” in like 5 years 

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? 35 & 36 on sirius are like basically the exact same station but that doesnt mean i dont constantly alternate between the two whenever im near a radio

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? pink is a v trustworthy flavor

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? *owen wilson voice* wrow

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? what kinda question is this wt f ive currently reobsessed myself w marina and the diamonds so honestly any of her discography

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? idk any words :^/ sry

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? wheels on the bus im exhausted

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? man in the high castle. man in the high castle. man in the high ca

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? clerks al;dksfjf

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? almost exclusively sims and fallout but every once in a while some indie game i find on steam so. yea

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? never doing anything in my life and having nothing 2 look forward to!! yay

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? probably my resiliency, maybe?? idk

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my habit of allowing bad things to happen to me lol

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? cats but im sorta kinda indifferent 2 both i think i might 1 of the 5 ppl on earth who dont like having pets

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer and fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yea

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? not being lazy lmfao

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? @flavortowne eye emoji

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? its natural brown but im thinkn abt going either red or blonde again

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? like 3 ppl irl and everyone on discord u guys legit

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my person and @flavortowne eye emoji

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? tom hardy. what is his end goal

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? tbh going 2 basic lmfao im!! lame

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? as of right now,, spiderverse lol

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? teletubbies was fckn legit and so was old school spongebob

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my person

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? im not superstitious,,, but i am a little stitious

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? i cant deal w fishing poles idk

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? in front babey

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims or stitching play foods 4 the kid to use on her play kitchen

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? stop asking book questions

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? spiderverse yeye

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? piano & i try 2 pretend i know what im doing w a ukulele

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? stingrays :^)

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? legit all my mutuals

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? i had an oc that could read ppls memories like a scrapbook if he touched them and i always honestly thought that was. cool

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in my house!! the door b locked bitch!!!!

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? toddler being an idiot toddler

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY?  its not really,, a sport,, but i bike

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? cream soda in those glass bottles is top tier non-alcoholic beverage

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? i wrote a letter 2 my person telling him he was an idiot and by the time it was mailed 2 his house i was already living there lol

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? nah

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? either ppl blowing vape in my face or holding something so close to my face i cant see i just go ballistic

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? nope unless u count a sesame street liveshow like 10 years ago

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nope!

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a cop lmfao

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? this is horrible but the setting of new vegas i just feel like id be at home there, w the radiation and constant danger and dehydration

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? the kid

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? only when im looking in the mirror adlkfj start thinkn abt a different face showing up instead of mine idk

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yea

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? skipped a whole year adlfkj

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? this is basic but i miss the tri-state area

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? this is basic but i miss nj

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yea :^/ a dog, a cat, and uhhhh 14 fish

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? night owl but honestly im just always tired

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsettttt

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? i do

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones. they just work

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nah but i need em

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? i listen to everything tbh

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? michael cera

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? i used to read them religiously but not so much any more. i am reading the TAZ graphic novel tho

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? having to repeat myself 20 times. or being an idiot when i wanna start a new hobby

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? idk how to read

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? honestly i had a blast in econ and my law enforcement class

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? a bro, another sibling, and a half-bro

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? food lmfao

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? every time i measure myself im 5′2″ but the government insists that i am 5′3″ so w/e

75. CAN YOU COOK? yeap

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? alcohol, bike riding, wearing stupid makeup

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? ppl holding me back, bird box, when my nail breaks before i can file it so its all oglee

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? uh idk?? i dont have,, many,,,, friends

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? bi

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? sc :’^(

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my brother

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? 2 nights ago the kid pistol whipped me in the chin w her phone and it just hurt so bad it legit made me lose it

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? ok this is dumb as shit the kid is obsessed w Blippi and i have a mom crush on him afdslfkjs

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? ye

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? i am currently obsessed w L.O.L. Surprise! Pop but all in all probs Pocket Camp

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? bad as parents but theyre fine now that im an adult and they have a grandkid they can like

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? i dont like a majority of them lmfao but idk maybe uh?? irish

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? rly wanna go to nevada but im moving to the mojave soon anyways so

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 15

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? i was raised christian but i dont rly give a shit abt any of that

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? outer space my dood the ocean is dumb and scary

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? im jus livin my life

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? i mean. im lactose intolerant but thats abt it

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nope

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? no

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? when im wrong abt something

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest ig bad choices

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? i dont think i was ever given advice, ever. maybe thats why im like this

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? idk i try not 2 lie unless its like. an obvious exaggeration for the lols

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? wtf idk ok i just did one of those quizzes & im a slytherin?? what does that mean

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? yeah

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? more of an introvert but im ok w going out there if i gotta

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? i keep one for the kid but thats abt it

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? nah. unless it was something stupid like burning food like im not gonna ban u from the kitchen

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? if theres an id i guess mail it 2 the address on there?? idk ive never just. found a wallet. i think this happens a lot less than all the hypotheticals make it out to be

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? if theyre dedicated to it. i dont think ppl can just do it over night and i dont think its ever a 100% change

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? dont touch me

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yep

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? 2 in both ears but thats it

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? spidr...mna

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no :^( once im cleared for them tho deffo

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? i hate that this is the answer but enlisting adlfkjs

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yeah ig??

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? 2 late

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? we all b stupit

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? idk?? i get embarrassed but also get over it quick so like. idk

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yea

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black & red

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? mhm

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? i was on nickelodeon back when they had those cuts to the Live Studio Audience™

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 21

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savory i almost never eat anything sweet

[letholojimin]

Redamancy (JHS ft. KNJ)

MASTERLIST

- reposted because i accidentally deleted the original post dated march 2018

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader ft. Kim Namjoon

Themes: best friend + roommate au

Genre: angst, mild smut!!!

Word Count: 4,115

Summary: With your love life failing at every attempt of yours, you fail to realize that you’ve been looking for it in all the wrong places.

“I will treat you better than anyone else. I will treat you how you deserve to be treated, but all I need is a chance, Y/N…”

SMUT WARNING

Rays of light from the sun shine in from the coffee shop’s glass window beside you and you keep yourself occupied by drinking from the warm beverage you had purchased to keep you company as you wait for Jennie to arrive. She had texted you an hour prior to the present, informing you that she had something she wanted to tell you. Luckily, you had both been in the university during that time and would be free during this time so you wait for her, scrolling through your phone.

It’s winter- the season of loneliness and though that never really bothered you to an extreme extent, you know that you would prefer to stop spending the cold nights alone. You had gone through a certain number of boyfriends and flings- none of which ever lasted. It was always a problem with your schedule that caused your break-ups, all of them complaining that you weren’t as invested in the relationship as they were because you were too busy attending to the things you had to do.

You never kept them around or wanted them back if they said that because if they couldn’t understand that you have other commitments as a university student with a hectic life, then you couldn’t be with them because it would be irrational for them to think that you’d give up your own life just to be with them. Sure, at times you’d cry over some people if you really did like them but sometimes relationships ended just as soon as they would start and you wouldn’t be that attached.

The chime of the coffee shop’s door distracts you from your thoughts and you see the girl you’re waiting for, her brown hair tucked into a beanie and her hands taking her gloves off. Jennie spots you and smiles, pointing to the counter to inform you that she’ll be with you shortly as she’d like to order something first. You nod and wait, nothing else occupying your mind after that.

Jennie takes a seat in front of you taking a long sip of her drink before placing it down on the table in front of you both. “Hey,” you greet. “What’s up?”

“I’m just going to go straight to the point here because I know that you probably have something to get to in at least the next thirty minutes.” She starts and you grin because she knows you too well. Your organization had a meeting twenty minutes from now so you were glad that she knew better than to be slow. “I know this guy, and he’s probably your type.” She continues, telling you that he’s much more mature than any of your previous significant others. He’s a hardworking student just like you and so since both of you understand the pressure of intense schedules, maybe you’ll balance each other more than you’ll clash.

You lean forward and raise an eyebrow, urging her to continue. You haven’t even dated in a while so a date doesn’t exactly sound that bad. Jennie briefs you on his name and tells you that he’s in the same year and that he’s an Engineering major. Jennie knows him because of a mutual friend who informed her that he’s looking to date and when her friend told him all about what he’s like, she thought you might like him.

The quick meet-up ends with Jennie giving you his number and telling you that he already has yours. You should expect a text from him soon.

Jennie’s Recommended Mystery boy - 3:47 pm

Y/N, right?

Y/N Y/L/N - 3:50 pm

That’s me.

Jennie’s Recommended Mystery boy - 3:52 pm

Hey there. My name’s Namjoon.

Y/N Y/L/N - 3:53 pm

Hi :) You’re Jennie’s friend right?

Namjoon - 3:53 pm

Yeah, a friend gave me your number :)

Namjoon - 3:54 pm

I actually know a place that serves really great pasta, maybe you’d like to head there with me sometime?

Y/N Y/L/N - 3:57 pm

Sure, why not?

Namjoon - 3:58 pm

Great! How’s tomorrow night?

Y/N Y/L/N - 4:00 pm

I’m free from seven onwards, so I don’t see why not :)

Namjoon - 4:02 pm

Send me your address, then? I’ll pick you up then. Dress fancy :)

The meeting for the organization passes by quicker than expected and your classes end at five o’ clock, leaving you room to drive home during the rush hour. You live nearby the campus so traffic is the least of your worries but you’re so eager to shower and change into more comfortable clothes. That’s probably a downside of college- you’ve always got to wear something different so since you’ve run out of clothes, you’re facing more uncomfortable fabric.

If there’s one positive thing about being in university, it’s the fact that you get to live with Jung Hoseok- your best friend from high school. He’s a constant beam of light in your life, always taking care of you and helping you however he can.

Both of you live under the same roof in a relatively large apartment funded by both of your parents who tell you to simply focus on being students for the meantime, and so the two of you are always working so hard in university. His course is no joke and with the addition of dance on the side, he’s left mentally and physically tired everyday but he never fails to maintain communication with you and make you smile. Needless to say, with the amount of support your parents give you, both of you are afraid of failure. You and Hoseok are perfectionists, but when everything is too much for each other you’re always there as a support system.

When you get home after all your obligations that night, you and Hoseok share McDonald’s takeout over your kitchen table. It’s tradition to have dinner together at your shared place during the rare times you both get home early enough to have the meal together, so you always make the most out of it. Tonight, greasy fried food is on the menu.

Hoseok tells you about his day briefly, telling you that it’s just the same old- nothing new happened or nothing is interesting enough to be talked about. When it’s your turn to share, you get straight to the point and tell him about your scheduled date tomorrow.

“Do you know anyone named Namjoon?” You inquire. Maybe he’s met him, and if that happens you can hear about what he’s like. To your disappointment, he only shakes his head from side to side and asks why you’re asking then continues eating his meal, utensils clanking on the plate slightly as he cuts through his chicken.

“Well…” You begin, nonchalantly wiping off the salt on your fingers from the fries you’ve been eating as you continue. “Jennie set me up with him, and now I’ve got a date tomorrow night!”

Hoseok’s suddenly more invested in your conversation, eyes looking up to see you beaming- this was your first date in quite a while but instead of happiness for you, there’s a completely different feeling and he knows deep down why he’s not enjoying the news. “Yeah?”

“Yeah!” You fail to see how he doesn’t exactly want to hear more about this date of yours but he puts up with it, your cheery voice still not enough to distract him from the jeering thoughts and the uncomfortable swirl in his stomach.

Your chatter continues for only so long before your meals are finished and you dispose of your plastic waste quickly, not having to wash anything due to the containers. He’s quick to escape you, disappearing from your sight the moment he’s thrown the trash and you- you are ignorant.

With thoughts of you littering his head, he tries and tries to do anything and everything to get you out of his system. He can’t shake off the fact that he might lose you again for god knows how long, but he tries to think about how maybe you’ll be happier and maybe this boy will treat you better than all those you’ve met before. But Hoseok knows he’s lying to himself, because he can treat you better than anyone else.

That night, Hoseok doesn’t sleep.

You’re clad in a black dress which cinches at the waist and flares down up until your knees- a comfortable piece of clothing to make up for the painful thing on your feet. You endure it, pushing yourself to get through the night and you simply hope that Namjoon is tall, so that your heels won’t make him look shorter than you. You won’t mind if he is, but you also wouldn’t mind if he isn’t.

He texts you when he’s outside and you get up from your seat on the couch when Hoseok exits the kitchen, only looking you up and down before going back upstairs wordlessly. You don’t expect him to say anything so you grab your coat and open the door, coming face-to-face with a blond boy holding a bouquet of roses. Once he sees you, Namjoon quickly greets you politely and offers you the roses. You place the flowers on a table near the door and smile at him, murmuring a sweet ‘thank you’ and walking outside with him right beside you.

The boy sports a dress shirt and black slacks along with leather shoes, you notice. He stops in front of the passenger side of his car- a sleek black automobile- and opens the door for you. You blush lightly at the thoughtful gesture and step in, the smell of air freshener and leather entering your nostrils.

Namjoon rushes over to the driver’s side, lanky frame passing in front of the hood. You wonder just how the night will unfold, considering that so far, he seems to be a gentleman. Maybe this will be different from all your past dates. Hope is something you cling to because it’s the only you can grip and you tell yourself it’s possible for you to get something more than a disaster out of this.

Lips pressed on bare skin and hands are groping each other and you and Namjoon are slowly turning into (if you aren’t already) a sweaty mess of flesh and lust, actions driven by desire. You guys simply hit it off after a night of wine and Italian food at a fancy restaurant and now you were in his apartment, making out with each other.

He leads you to his room and soon enough, you’re lying underneath him naked and begging for more of his touch, for him to pleasure you. Namjoon’s fingers thrust into your heat at an increasing pace, digits slick with your juices.

Arousal drips from your center, and soon he’s getting a condom from his night stand and sliding on his length, turning your body around before placing his tip right by your entrance.

His fingers grip your hips tightly before he slides into you, your nimble fingers gripping his cotton sheets. Namjoon groans when you urge him to move, thrusting in and out of you rhythmically. It’s not long before you slam your hips against his with every movement of his, moaning and whining. You tell him to move faster, harder, and he complies.

Soon, you’re at your peak, body falling into the mattress. If not for his hands holding your sides upright, you would have fully collapsed. He rides out your high and chases his own, slamming against your spot relentlessly. He comes, spilling into the condom and you move away from him from overstimulation.

After disposing of the condom, he collapses beside you, breathing heavily. You don’t meet his eyes though, closing yours and pretending to fall asleep.

Namjoon might be a good fuck, but what you’re looking for is real love.

When your heels click into the living room, you’ll find that Hoseok is still up- he looks like he hasn’t slept at all and though it’s common for you to ask each other how a date has gone after going on one, you didn’t expect him to stay up this late. When you look at the clock, it’s just struck half past three o’clock in the morning and there’s an unsettling feeling of doing the walk of shame, regardless of if you’re facing your closest friend.

“Where have you been?” He asks, standing up from his seat on the couch and placing his mug of hot chocolate on the table in front of him. Hobi looks at you and only then do you realize that there are dark circles under his eyes- ones you fail to notice during the daytime wherein the sun shines too bright that everything else is simply cancelled out. Sometimes, the light is too blinding- and you’re a sucker for being blinded.

“Out. You know I was on a date, Hoseok.” You reply curtly, undoing the straps of your heels and neatly placing them near the door. Though you’d normally place your shoes in your room, you have an unnerving fear of tripping down the stairs wearing heels so you opt to keep them near the entrance. He was the one who suggested you do this, in fear that you’d be your usual clumsy self and that one day he wouldn’t be around to help you. It’s easier that way.

Though your best friend would normally dismiss you, it seems like he’s a bit more persistent this time. He stays, walking closer to you. “Do you know what time it is, Y/N?” His voice raises ever so slightly towards the end of his question and you can’t help but be a little taken aback at the unusual amount of concern he’s displaying. “Do you know how long I waited just for you to get home?”

“You don’t always have to wait for me, Hobi. I appreciate it but you don’t need to stay up for-“

“But I do!” He cuts you off and you’re rendered speechless. You’re in the dark- you have absolutely no idea where this is going and why this is happening in the first place. Hoseok’s voice only grows louder and more angered and though it’s probably a false notion- you’d think it’s pained.

“What…” You whisper under your breath, but you know he heard it. You look up to meet his eyes once more and you notice that he’s very near you now- near enough for you to see the details on his face: the curvature of his jaw, the slant of his eyes and the bridge of his nose. His eyes hold something mysterious, something you aren’t used to because as close friends, he tells you everything, no exceptions.

“Look, it’s late and we should both be getting to bed, don’t you think?” You remove the loose ponytail which your hair was stuck in, a practical style you’d gone for before you left his room tonight. “No, Y/N- I want you to stop going on those fucking dates, alright? None of them ever work for you anyway,”

If it wasn’t for the proximity you wouldn’t be able to hear the last part- but you did. It stung, and you didn’t get it- you don’t understand why he was saying that to you when he knew all too well that your love life is always a complicated mess from the busy schedule your practical life revolves around. You never have times for these kinds of things and now he’s telling you that he wants you to stop going on dates at all? Who does he think he is?

“What the fuck, Hoseok?! Who are you to tell me what to do? This isn’t even like you!” The rage in your voice becomes more and more prevalent with each word but his expression doesn’t falter. There’s a kind of fierceness in his disposition and it’s unnerving because you’ve never exactly seen him like this before about this kind of topic. “Are you telling me it’s a crime to fall in love?!���

“It’s a crime to fall in love if you’re not falling in love with me!”

You’re speechless at the words that escape his mouth, feet planted to the floor. You can’t move, you can barely think and from all the things you’ve ever heard in your entire life, you consider this to be the biggest surprise of them all. Hoseok doesn’t have any regrets- not even when he sees the flabbergasted expression on your face, not even when he sees your eyes growing wide because relief is a feeling that overpowers all of that. After all, he’s very much tired of hiding from you and running away from the truth himself.

“Hoseok, what are you saying?” You find yourself mustering up enough courage to finally say something, anything. “Why?!” His voice is stern, and melancholy is laced within the word. It’s almost like you can’t reach him anymore and you wonder just how fast everything went downhill. “Why do you wear all those ravishing clothes and dress up so well for guys who only want to dress you down?”

You never expected him to say something like that- never even expected him to comment on your dates gone one night stands but it’s different now, and you can tell that this pains him to say just as much as it keeps you at a loss for words. He’s finally burst, and you don’t know what to do or what to say because this has never happened before. “Hobi,” You exhale, treading on dangerous waters.

“I don’t get it, Y/N!” His hand raises to his hair in frustration and for a split second he turns away from you. “Why do you go out on these stupid dates so others will look at you yet you don’t realize that you’re the only girl that I see?! I don’t need that, all I need is for you to give me a chance…” His fierce gaze softens as he continues to speak, finally spilling things he’s been yearning to confess for longer than you could ever know. You can’t believe what you’re hearing, and though your heart would normally flutter at the words, what takes over your thoughts is the person who’s saying them. “You don’t see how I look at you and you don’t understand that you’re fucking exquisite- and I,”

“I will treat you better than anyone else. I will treat you how you deserve to be treated, but all I need is a chance, Y/N…”

Hoseok sees your face. He sees just how confused you are, how unsure you are of what to say and decides that he hates himself. He can’t believe how stupid he was to think that maybe one day, when he would gather up enough courage to tell you about what he feels about you, maybe, just maybe- you’d reciprocate and things would turn out for the better. But he was dumb to even think of that, blinded by his own need to be honest with you and there’s nothing that sounds more appealing to him than just turning around and escaping to the door, grabbing his coat and his keys on his way out.

Just like that, Hoseok walks out on you for the first time in your life. And you have no idea when and if he’ll be coming back.

If he had liked you since before, you don’t know how you could have been blind to all of it. You’ve known the boy since you were fifteen and you didn’t even notice a change in behavior whatsoever? Ridiculous.

Midnight paints your thoughts colorful, drawings pictures of memories and retracing the words he had previously said in the past few days in a desperate attempt to gain something, to look for a sign before everything came crashing down. It’s silent in the household even as you leave your door open- there’s no sleep music faintly playing from his room, no plates clattering in the kitchen for midnight snacks, nothing.

It’s a dark thought leeching at the back of your mind, forcing you to stay awake even when the clock rings to signal a new day for you and when the sun rises up in the horizon, light streaming in through your blinds. You don’t hear anybody in the shower or nor do you hear the sound  of the television downstairs and it’s just lonely.

You’re probably overreacting. You’ve been through nights wherein Hoseok doesn’t sleep in his room. Parties, projects, outings- you know what it’s like without him. But what you aren’t used to is the fact that he is not present because of you and the fact that you did not end in good terms.

So you get up after a long night of no slumber, going through the same exact routine you go through every single active day, except today it’s a lot duller.

The next few days, Hoseok doesn’t show up when you’re around. He times his visits to his own house when he knows you won’t be there. He has a copy of your schedule and so you know when he won’t dare to come, and you take this as an advantage. When you hear the jiggling of keys outside, you know you’ve got him.

The sound of the doorknob twisting interrupts the silent atmosphere in the house and he walks in, sighing. He turns to close the door so at first glance, he doesn’t see you in the living room. When he leans on the wood, however, he sees you sitting on the couch and though your relationship with him isn’t in the best place, he shrieks lightly before putting a fist to his chest. “Fucking hell, Y/N,” He breathes out in shock.

You offer him a light smile in response, opening your mouth to speak. “Hobi, we need to talk.”

“About what, Y/N?” He says exasperatedly. It’s a terrible feeling that registers within him, the pain of unrequited love something he can feel within his veins. “You already know how I feel, and I already know what you feel. What else do we have to talk about?”

Hoseok knows that he’s being irrational. Of course you had to talk because you couldn’t ignore each other forever. You lived in the same place and sneaking around when you were at university wasn’t something he could do for the rest of time. You had to speak to each other but it was eating him alive because he knows what you’re going to say. You don’t feel the same way, and he has to accept that sooner or later. He hoped it was the latter.

You urge him to sit down on your couch and he does so, but why is it that though he’s only feet away, he feels so distant? He feels so far away, and you wish everything could just return to normal.

“How do you know how I feel?”

He turns to look at you and his chest aches, yearning for something he knows he can never have. His role in your life was to be your best friend and he was going out of line. He knew that, but he was done hiding behind it. It would be unfair to you if he kept lying about what he really wanted, so he finally told you. Look where exactly that got him. Honest, but still unhappy. “Your silence was the answer.”

You’re at a loss for words. It’s true that you didn’t feel the same way about him, at least not yet, but during that time you were so shocked with how fast everything was happening that you didn’t even have ample time to process everything properly.

“Then will you wait for me?” You ask, the whole point of why you waited for him finally being brought into the conversation.

Hope takes form in his eyes, barely there but present. You take his hand and slowly entangle your warm fingers with his cold ones while you wait for him to reply. “What do you mean?”

“Will you wait for me? Will you stand by my side?”

He breathes in and smiles because at least there’s the smallest glimmer of light for something more, the kind he believed he could never have. He clutches your palm in two of his own before his voice comes out shakily. Even if it doesn’t end up in both of your favors, he’ll know that he had you at some point. He hopes he doesn’t screw up and he swears that he won’t because like he said, all he needs is one chance.

“However long it takes.”

[otomeshistarlight-blog]

Trucking right along, guys! We’ll be done before you know it! 

51: If you were given a chance to make a request to Horikoshi, what would it be? I would request a full blown Todoroki centric arc. Like, Deku can fuck off for 100 chapters for all I care, I want to know this family’s history from front to back. What kind of environment was Endeavor raised in? Does that explain why he has such an obsessive goal of being number 1 or is it literally just a rivalry with All Might? Speaking of, did they go to school together? Tell me more. Was it an arranged marriage or did he meet his wife in a normal situation and fall in love with her? How was their relationship before the kids? Whats the deal with Dabi? Please just give me the Todoroki backstory in its entirety so I can die in peace.

52: Sing you to sleep? Jiro, no questions asked. I can’t wait for the anime to get to the culture festival so we can hear her angelic voice in action.

53: Cuddle with? Fat Gum! He looks super comfy! 

54: Too pure/innocent character? Probably Nejire tbh. Her curious naivety is cute but I worry for what the life of a pro hero would do to someone with that kind of personality.

55: Deserve better? Endeavor deserves better than to be judged armchair psychiatrists whose PHd was printed off from the same website where you can become an ordained minister. 

56: Wish to have a no tragic background? Dabi, probably. It remains to be seen what exactly the canon explanation is but I have a feeling its not gonna’ be pretty even if he’s not a Todoroki. 

57: Most likely to be a gentleman? My instincts tell me that Fat Gum is probably quite the gentleman in an almost backwoods kind of way. That is to say, he’s a hot blooded country bumpkin samurai with a heart of gold. Now, I’m basing that bit of characterization on the fan-translated manga which gave him some interesting verbal tics that seemed to imply he doesn’t speak the same way the kids from the big city do SO I’m quite interested to hear how he talks in the anime when we get to it in 2019.

58: Fave old/middle-aged character (30+)? I’m not saying Endeavor is old but he is approaching silver fox territory and I’m more than okay with that.

59: Fav Opening song? Odd Future, hands down. Gonna’ listen to it right now, thanks. 

60: Fave ending theme? The fantasy setting one. 

61: Fave voice actor? I’ve really gotta’ give Bakugou’s seiyuu credit for his performance. Not only all that growling and screaming, no doubt straining his vocal chords every week no matter how much training he’s had, but also for really selling that line when he was abducted by the villains.

62: Fave Character song? *sweats nervously* I ... I haven’t listened to any of the character songs ... Do they actually exist? 

63: Fave OST? Uh, what? 

64: Fave battle(s)? Without spoiling too much, I’ll just say that Deku vs. Bakugou round 2 is gonna’ be a great episode and I’m really looking forward to the hero vs. villain fight we’re ramping up to in the current episode. 

65: Most shocking plot twist/unexpected scene? Me subscribing to the Dabi-is-a-Todoroki theme. Ummm, not to get too spoilery but I think almost everything at the end of the Yakuza arc was pretty unexpected based on all that had happened up until that point.

66: Selfie with? I would love nothing more than to take a selfie with Bakugou’s grumpy ass. I know that might sound a little weird but I’m actually being completely serious. 

67: Study in a library with? I would like to make some lewd, sex-in-the-library related joke but knowing who I am as a person, I probably legitimately need the help so I’d probably be best off with Momo or Shoto.

68: Most underrated character? Probably Tokoyami. I’m damn close to stanning him and I demand more content of his edgy bird boy immediately.

69: Most overrated character? Present Mic. He’s really not all that and I don’t get this fascination with him.

70: If you desire to see one’s ending? Who would it be? I’m not entirely sure what this is asking but if you mean who do I want to see die, it’d be either Mineta or Aoyama.

71: Change Character design? I wouldn’t change any design because Horikoshi worked hard on these characters and it would be downright foolish of me to think that I knew better than him.

72: Looks like a cinnamon roll, but it is a cinnamon roll? Nejire tbh.

73: Cinnamon roll but would actually kill you? Toga.

74: Looks like would actually kill you, but it is a cinnamon roll? Bakugou.

75: Looks like would actually kill you, and would actually kill you. Endeavor lol

76: Over sexualized character? In canon or by the fandom? Because overall, I’d say that Horikoshi doesn’t sexualize his girls very often but as per usual the fandom goes hog wild on everything and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that to fictional characters.

77: Cook with? I bet Fat Gum knows how to cook and he could show me some pointers. It’d be fun to cook with Tamaki too, so he could show off his quirk at every turn. 

78: Funniest character? Honestly there is no character that sounds out to me as being particularly funny but my sense of humor is also severely warped so take that with a grain of salt. 

79: Best hardening quirk: Tetsutetsu/Kirishima? I’m gonna’ side with Kirishima on this one.

80: Whose penis would be painful to be fucked? (LOL) Am I answering questions written by a 12 year old? Just asking. So, I headcanon that Endeavor is pretty well endowed and the haters will have to literally tear that fat cock out of my cold, unresponsive hands.I also think Fat Gum is packing because the kanji in his name mean ‘thick’ and ‘full’ which, yeah, if you’re an unimaginative prude that just means they’re talking about his fat body but to me, an intellectual, all I’m seeing is dick. Incidentally, I think All Might is pretty big too (essentially all of the bara’s)  

81: Best Goth character? Tokoyami is the closest we’ve got.

82: Shop with? Endeavor because he has plenty of money to spend on me and he seems like the type who wouldn’t even spare the cheap shit a second glance which is a sentiment I appreciate as a boujee bitch. 

83: Fave OVA? There were only two so this isn’t even much of a choice, but I liked the zombie one.

84: Would you let Momo spoil you with her quirk? I would let literally anyone spoil me because I’m an attention starved materialist. 

85: Villain that you’d wish to be a hero? Eh, probably Gentle. Maybe if he’d been able to become a hero we could’ve avoided that shoehorned appearance of his in the middle of the culture festival. 

86: Needs to calm down? Honestly probably Inasa. He’s gonna’ be so damn loud in the anime ... but I can’t wait to see him anyway! 

And with that my friends, we have reached the end! Apparently we just weren’t able to come up with a few more questions to round us out at an even 100 which I’m quite thankful for which means that I can finally go to bed! orz Thanks for sticking around with me through these trying times, your patience is much appreciated! 

[dontshootmespence]

The Face Behind the Mask

A/N: An anon request for one where the reader works with the BAU and during a case she is kidnapped. Instead of having her be a full-time member, I’m going to have Emily request her presence because of her expertise. They were friends when their mothers were both ambassadors. @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch

                                                               ----

They were stumped.

Normally, the famed BAU had a theory from the get go - a jumping point - something to lead them in the right direction, but as they stared at the board, and the pictures of their first three victims, they couldn’t make heads or tails of it. “We have a 24-year-old African-American woman, a 54-year-old white man, and a 33-year-old Latino man found behind a wire fence, a white-picket fence, and a wrought iron fence respectively,” Morgan said, leaning back in his seat and staring intently at the pictures. 

Spencer got up and looked at the board, willing any possible answer or theory to pop up in his mind, but nothing was working. “They’re left covered in a black blanket or tarp and a mask that is blue, white and black.”

“It’s all very meticulously planned,” JJ added. “But the only thing that is extremely consistent is the mask. It’s the same every time.”

In all his years in the field, Rossi was sure he’d seen it all, but he couldn’t figure this out for the life of him. “The fence obviously has something to do with it, but it’s never the same kind of fence, so obviously that isn’t as important as the mask.”

Hotch was sure he’d seen it all too - and then something like this came along that made him question everything. “The victims are all killed quickly with a thin implement to the heart from behind, so none of them ever see it coming, but they’re also kept long enough that people realize they’re missing. And during that time they’re fed well. It’s as if their death is a byproduct. It’s not the goal, something else is the goal.” 

Emily sighed, sitting back in her chair and grimacing at the board. “The only consistent thing we have is the mask.” For a few moments, everyone sat in silence, trying to ponder who this unsub could be and their motives, but still nothing was coming to them. “Okay, considering the only consistent thing we have is the mask, Hotch, do you mind if I call in a friend of mine?”

“Sure,” he said, willing to let anyone in who might be able to give them a heads up. “Who is it?”

“My friend, Y/N Y/L/N,” she said, remembering back to when they first met. “Her mother was an ambassador like mine. Her mother was never around, even less so than mine, and we got to being friends. Unlike me though, she desperately wanted out of anything related to law enforcement or politics, so she went to school for costume design. She works on Broadway now. Since the mask is all we have, she might be able to tell us what it means.”

That actually seemed promising. “Please,” Hotch replied. “If she’s able to give us anything on this mask, it might help.”

                                                             ----

After much convincing on Emily’s part, Y/N made her way to DC. Late that night, she made her way into the Bureau with a visitor’s tag and a hesitant smile. “You owe me,” she said, giving her old friend a hug. “You know of my distaste for all things law enforcement and politics related.”

“I do,” Emily said, pulling out a chair for her to sit in. “We really appreciate it. The mask and the manner of death are the only two things that are consistent, but our theory is that the mask is the point. The victim’s deaths are byproducts.”

Sitting down at the table, Y/N gathered the files on each of the three victims in front of her and began to scour for information. “This is a head-scratcher,” she said after about an hour of sitting in silence among the members of the BAU. “Color scheme-wise, I do have a possible theory, but I would need to see the bodies to confirm.”

“Can you let us in on your theory?” Spencer asked. “We’ve just been so at a loss for ideas, it would be nice to know what you were thinking.”

Y/N sat back in her chair, turning the pictures around to face the team. Each one showed a victim donning the mask and covered in a black material of some kind - that wasn’t consistent either. “The mask is blue, white and black in equal parts. Now although there is no mask I can think of that look exactly like this, it could be a representation.”

“Of what?” Emily asked, her eyebrow raised in confusion.

“The Phantom of the Opera,” she said. “One of the most popular stage plays in modern history. Although the white mask has been the most popularized, due to the stage play, a blue version was used in the film in 1943, and the mask was written as black in the novel by Gaston Leroux.”

“So we could be looking for someone who suffers from some kind of physical deformity?” JJ asked.

“Yes. You said that death seems quick, and they’re taken care of beforehand?” she asked, looking toward JJ and scratching the scar on her chin - it was probably psychosomatic because it hadn’t bothered her in years, but it was bothering her now. She nodded. “Then if the victims all have some kind of physical deformity of some kind, one that’s visible outside of someone’s clothes, it’s possible that your unsub believes he’s carrying out mercy killings - allowing the victims an escape from the pain that he endured.”

“Okay, Emily,” Hotch said. “You take Y/N to the morgue to examine the bodies. We know that our first victim suffered burns in a fire as a child, but the other two don’t have anything truly noticeable on their faces. Until then, Garcia, I need you to run our basic profile through the system to see if we can get some kind of a suspect list.”

                                                            ----

Nearly an hour and a half later, Emily and Y/N returned from the morgue. “Both of your other victims have scars of some kind. Bradley House, your oldest victim, has burns on his right forearm, and your latest victim, Esteban Morales, has a scar on the side of his face starting underneath his hairline and extending under his chin,” Y/N said as she walked into Garcia’s office. “Can you find out how they got those scars?”

With a few clicks of her keys, she brought up information and the two male victims. “Bradley used to work as a chef. The scars are from a grease fire. And Esteban was in a horrible accident on his bike as a child. He nearly died, but the scar on the side of his face is all he’s got left from it.”

“Okay,” Y/N sighed, looking between Hotch and Emily as she crossed her hands over her chest. “Then my assumption is the best I can offer you. Your unsub suffered ridicule in his past for his looks. He’s isolated now because of it, so if he works at all it’s in a solitary or limited environment. And given that you’re victims were taken care of before they were killed and they were killed quickly, that leads me to believe that he believes he’s doing these victims a favor.”

Hotch made his way across the room and extended his hand in her direction. “Thank you so much for your help, Y/N,” he said. Everyone said their thank you and goodbyes, and she left the building with plans to go out to dinner with Emily later on. After traveling all that way, it seemed a shame not to. 

As she left the building and made her way to her car, she scratched at her scar one more time. It had lessened since she left the BAU, but it was still bugging her. Before she had a chance to step into the car, she felt a pair of hands encircle her - one around her waist and the other around her mouth. The rag over her lips was the last thing she felt before her vision went black.

                                                           ----

“Something is wrong,” Emily said, looking down at her phone. Although they now had a list of possible suspects, they couldn’t figure out how to narrow it down, so Hotch told everyone to call it a night. 

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asked as he got his files together to take back to his desk. 

Emily looked at her phone, quickly counting the messages. “I’ve sent Y/N 23 messages since she left not one of which has been returned. It’s not like her.”

Penelope looked around frantically. “Do you want me to ping her?” Quickly, Emily nodded and hoped she was just being paranoid. 

Within seconds, Garcia had found her location, noting that it had been in the same place for hours - and it wasn’t the hotel she was supposed to be staying at. “Where is that location, Garcia?” JJ asked, walking up to her side.

“It’s in the industrial district. A lot of warehouses. Could that be our unsub? Could they have her? The victims all have a visible scar of some kind. Does Y/N have one? Sorry, I’m rambling,” she said.

Emily got distracted for a second, remembering when they were teenagers. “She got into a fist fight on my behalf. She has a small scar on her chin now because of it. If our unsub is devolving, the small scar, along with Y/N’s connect to the play could be enough for our unsub to want to make her a victim.”

“She’s a costume designer, but has she worked on Phantom of the Opera?” Rossi asked. “If she doesn’t have a connection to the actual play than our unsub would have to be devolving quickly.”

“Phantom of the Opera was the first play she worked on when she graduated,” Emily said. “She got an internship in college and they ended up hiring her.”

With a flick of his wrist, Hotch ushered everyone out and towards the cars. “He’s been keeping his victims for a few days before killing them. If this is him, we still have time, but we have to move.”

                                                          ----

As Y/N opened her eyes, she was met with a very patched together image of the Phantom’s lair. There were candles everywhere, luscious material was draped around her, but it all looked like it could be taken down in an instant and brought somewhere else. Once her vision returned, she looked around the room, eventually falling on a small figure draped in black. “I assume you slept well,” the light voice said.

They weren’t looking for a man. They were looking for a woman.

Slowly, she turned around to meet Y/N’s gaze. “Yes, I did,” she said softly, trying her best to take in her surroundings. How was she supposed to get out of here? All of the victims had been stabbed from behind; she couldn’t turn her back to this woman. “Where am I?”

“With me,” she said softly. “And your pain will be over soon.” She stepped forward and brought her delicate hand to the side of Y/N’s face, resting on the faded scar that remained from her teenage fight. “You won’t have to suffer like I did.”

She wasn’t suffering; her scar was barely visible anymore. It itched from time to time, but that was it. Something in her gut told her not to protest, so instead, she asked her about herself. “Why did you suffer?” she asked hesitantly, not wanting to anger the woman who’d obviously had a severe break from reality. “What happened to you?”

Sadly, the woman craned her head back, and slowly moved the mask up the side of her face - revealing scars much like the Phantom himself. “My mother never wanted me,” she started, turning away from Y/N, leaving her time to scan for a weapon of some kind. “She didn’t care what I did, or where I was. One day, she was ironing, and she was drunk. The iron fell off the board and onto my face, leaving me with these burns.” She stared off into the distance, thinking of what to say next. “As I got older, she told me that I would never find anyone to love because I was hideous. My sisters were gorgeous, and she doted on them, but I got nothing, so I retreated into the only thing I loved - theater. When I stumbled on the Phantom, I saw in him a kindred spirit. It was then that I promised myself no one else would ever suffer like I have.”

“I’m not suffering,” Y/N said softly, not knowing what else to say. “My scar is very small, and I’m proud of it. I got it defending a friend. The other victims weren’t suffering either. They were loved.”

“No one can truly love you when you’re deformed,” she said sadly. Y/N’s heart broke for her, because she could hear the supposed truth in the woman’s words. “But enough about that, I’m sure you’re hungry.” Reaching over, she grabbed a scone and placed it in front of her. 

The more she refused this woman, the more likely she was to kill her now. Y/N needed time to get a message to Emily.

It seemed like hours had gone by. She ate a scone. She drank some water. Y/N even tried to talk with the woman a little bit more, but she rarely took her eyes off her, so she had no way to signal Emily. She could only hope that Emily would realize she’d missed their dinner date and come looking for her.

All of a sudden, the doors behind the curtains flew open, ruffling the silky fabric. As if from nowhere, the still unnamed woman summoned a screwdriver and held it to Y/N’s back, exactly where her heart was. “FBI! Put down your weapon!” Emily screamed. 

Y/N held her hands out, quietly begging the woman to spare her. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she said. “They don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Yes they do!” she screamed, the screwdriver now digging harder into her back. “No one understands!”

“I do!” Y/N yelled back. “I know how you feel. You feel like no one will ever love you. No one will notice you. That no one will ever understand what you’ve been trying to do. Save these people from pain, but I understand. I...I want to help you...” Tentatively, Y/N turned her head to face the woman, hoping she couldn’t see through her lie.

But the woman’s desperation for someone who understood overtook everything else. “You do?”

“Yes,” she said, even more confidently. “I do. But I can’t do that if you kill me.” Slowly, a tear fell from the woman’s eye as she lowered the screwdriver and dropped it on the floor. While she was facing Y/N, Hotch ran up behind her and got her hands behind her back.

“No!” she screamed, the tears now coming in waves. “No! Please!” Y/N clutched her hands to her face as she watched the woman get carted away by Morgan and Hotch. All she wanted was a friend. If someone, somewhere had been her friend, maybe she wouldn’t have become this.”

“Y/N!” Emily screamed, enveloping her as she crumbled to the ground. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” she lied. Physically, she was okay, but she never imagined she’d meet a real life phantom. “She just needed a friend.” 

[dfroza]

i found my treasure in the heart

it is (already inside)

and i write to illuminate the inner room, from the instrumental womb... where Light (where Love in its True illumination is known, where its truth is revealed by the Spirit who points to the Son)

and yes, my heart seeks to befriend a woman who has for herself found and clearly chosen the same Light as the treasure (and the hope) of her beautiful mysterious heart.

and the heart (of the Tabernacle and later the Temple) is illuminated in Today’s reading that gives the historical background of the Temple and its sacrificial service that all pointed to the real fulfillment in the Son, where what preceded was not the actual thing that would cleanse all of us, but it was appointed as a sign until what was real would come into the beautiful mysterious garden of earth.

Today’s chapter of the book of Hebrews:

[A Visible Parable]

That first plan contained directions for worship, and a specially designed place of worship. A large outer tent was set up. The lampstand, the table, and “the bread of presence” were placed in it. This was called “the Holy Place.” Then a curtain was stretched, and behind it a smaller, inside tent set up. This was called “the Holy of Holies.” In it were placed the gold incense altar and the gold-covered ark of the covenant containing the gold urn of manna, Aaron’s rod that budded, the covenant tablets, and the angel-wing-shadowed mercy seat. But we don’t have time to comment on these now.

After this was set up, the priests went about their duties in the large tent. Only the high priest entered the smaller, inside tent, and then only once a year, offering a blood sacrifice for his own sins and the people’s accumulated sins. This was the Holy Spirit’s way of showing with a visible parable that as long as the large tent stands, people can’t just walk in on God. Under this system, the gifts and sacrifices can’t really get to the heart of the matter, can’t assuage the conscience of the people, but are limited to matters of ritual and behavior. It’s essentially a temporary arrangement until a complete overhaul could be made.

[Pointing to the Realities of Heaven]

But when the Messiah arrived, high priest of the superior things of this new covenant, he bypassed the old tent and its trappings in this created world and went straight into heaven’s “tent”—the true Holy Place—once and for all. He also bypassed the sacrifices consisting of goat and calf blood, instead using his own blood as the price to set us free once and for all. If that animal blood and the other rituals of purification were effective in cleaning up certain matters of our religion and behavior, think how much more the blood of Christ cleans up our whole lives, inside and out. Through the Spirit, Christ offered himself as an unblemished sacrifice, freeing us from all those dead-end efforts to make ourselves respectable, so that we can live all out for God.

Like a will that takes effect when someone dies, the new covenant was put into action at Jesus’ death. His death marked the transition from the old plan to the new one, canceling the old obligations and accompanying sins, and summoning the heirs to receive the eternal inheritance that was promised them. He brought together God and his people in this new way.

Even the first plan required a death to set it in motion. After Moses had read out all the terms of the plan of the law—God’s “will”—he took the blood of sacrificed animals and, in a solemn ritual, sprinkled the document and the people who were its beneficiaries. And then he attested its validity with the words, “This is the blood of the covenant commanded by God.” He did the same thing with the place of worship and its furniture. Moses said to the people, “This is the blood of the covenant God has established with you.” Practically everything in a will hinges on a death. That’s why blood, the evidence of death, is used so much in our tradition, especially regarding forgiveness of sins.

That accounts for the prominence of blood and death in all these secondary practices that point to the realities of heaven. It also accounts for why, when the real thing takes place, these animal sacrifices aren’t needed anymore, having served their purpose. For Christ didn’t enter the earthly version of the Holy Place; he entered the Place Itself, and offered himself to God as the sacrifice for our sins. He doesn’t do this every year as the high priests did under the old plan with blood that was not their own; if that had been the case, he would have to sacrifice himself repeatedly throughout the course of history. But instead he sacrificed himself once and for all, summing up all the other sacrifices in this sacrifice of himself, the final solution of sin.

Everyone has to die once, then face the consequences. Christ’s death was also a one-time event, but it was a sacrifice that took care of sins forever. And so, when he next appears, the outcome for those eager to greet him is, precisely, salvation.

The Book of Hebrews, Chapter 9 (The Message)

and from its paired chapter in the Testaments we read a portion in Jeremiah 9 of the significance (and rebirth) of trusting in God in a confused world:

God’s Message:

“Cursed is the strong one

who depends on mere humans,

Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone

and sets God aside as dead weight.

He’s like a tumbleweed on the prairie,

out of touch with the good earth.

He lives rootless and aimless

in a land where nothing grows.

“But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,

the woman who sticks with God.

They’re like trees replanted in Eden,

putting down roots near the rivers—

Never a worry through the hottest of summers,

never dropping a leaf,

Serene and calm through droughts,

bearing fresh fruit every season.

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,

a puzzle that no one can figure out.

But I, God, search the heart

and examine the mind.

I get to the heart of the human.

I get to the root of things.

I treat them as they really are,

not as they pretend to be.”

The Book of Jeremiah, Chapter 17:5-10 (The Message)

and to accompany this with inspiration from Today’s Psalms beginning with #13:

[Prayer Turns Depression into Delight]

For the Pure and Shining One, by King David

I’m hurting, Lord—will you forget me forever?

How much longer, Lord?

Will you look the other way when I’m in need?

How much longer must I cling to this constant grief?

I’ve endured this shaking of my soul.

So how much longer will my enemy have the upper hand?

It’s been long enough!

Take a good look at me, God, and answer me!

Breathe your life into my spirit.

Bring light to my eyes in this pitch-black darkness

or I will sleep the sleep of death.

Don’t let my enemy proclaim, “I’ve prevailed over him.”

For all my adversaries will celebrate when I fall.

Lord, I have always trusted in your kindness, so answer me.

I will yet celebrate with passion and joy

when your salvation lifts me up.

I will sing my song of joy to you, the Most High,

for in all of this you have strengthened my soul.

My enemies say that I have no Savior,

but I know that I have one in you!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 13 (The Passion Translation)

For the worship leader. A song of Asaph to the tune “Do Not Destroy.”

We thank You, O True God.

Our souls are overflowing with thanks! Your name is near;

Your people remember and tell of Your marvelous works and wonders.

You say, “At the time that I choose,

I will judge and do so fairly.

When the earth and everyone living upon it spin into chaos,

I am the One who stabilizes and supports it.”

[pause]

“I discipline the arrogant by telling them, ‘No more bragging.’

I discipline the wicked by saying, ‘Do not raise your horn to demonstrate your power.

Do not thrust your horn into the air, issuing a challenge,

and never speak with insolence when you address Me.’”

There is no one on earth who can raise up another to grant honor,

not from the east or the west, not from the desert.

There is no one. God is the only One.

God is the only Judge.

He is the only One who can ruin or redeem a man.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 75:1-7 (The Voice)

to be concluded with chapter 13 in the book of Proverbs:

A wise child is attentive to his parents’ instruction,

but the mocker is deaf to correction.

A person eats well when he speaks wisely,

but the treacherous crave violence.

Those who guard their speech insure they will take another breath,

but those who talk without thinking guarantee their demise.

Slackers crave but have their fill of nothing,

but the hardworking desire and are completely satisfied.

The right-living will not tolerate any lie,

but wrongdoers come to shame and embarrassment.

Doing right keeps the innocent on the path of life,

but doing wrong is the downfall of the wicked.

One pretends he is wealthy but has nothing,

while another seems to be poor but has great wealth.

The rich are targeted and must ransom their lives,

but no one bothers to threaten the poor.

The light of the right-living brings joy as it burns brightly;

the lamp of a wrongdoer will be snuffed out.

Arrogance only produces arguments,

but wisdom accompanies those well advised.

Money earned hastily is easily lost,

but hard-earned money continues to grow.

Hope postponed grieves the heart;

but when a dream comes true, life is full and sweet.

The one who hates good counsel will reap failure and ruin,

but the one who reveres God’s instruction will be rewarded.

Wise instruction is a spring yielding a satisfied life;

those who follow it avoid the traps that lead to death.

Good sense brings blessing,

but the road of the treacherous is long and rough.

A clever person acquires knowledge and then acts on it;

but a fool advertises his folly for all to see.

An untrustworthy messenger stirs up trouble,

but a faithful emissary is curative balm.

A person who turns from correction faces poverty and shame,

but one who regards constructive criticism is well respected.

A dream fulfilled is the sweetness of life,

but abandoning evil is repulsive to fools.

One who walks with the wise becomes wise,

but whoever keeps company with fools only hurts himself.

Trouble eagerly pursues the sinner,

but success rewards the right-living.

A good person leaves an inheritance for his grandchildren,

but the wealth of the sinner is eventually passed on to the right-living.

Though the fields of the poor yield a bumper crop

in a land without justice, it is stolen out from under them.

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children,

but those who are quick to correct them show true love.

Those who do right have plenty to eat,

while those who do wrong go hungry.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 13 (The Voice)

my reading in the Scriptures for August 13, day 54 of Summer and day 225 of the year: