#your crush interacting with women in general at all???? Even while you have a girlfriend and shouldn't actually care?

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz

the best characters are ones that suffer from a chronic case of Dramatic Cunt Syndrome

[bookscandlesnbts]

Idk if this sounds stupid, i hope not, but even if jungkook is clearly the member with the “straightest” and most het concept and all, he still is the one who shows as less straight and het off-stage. I mean, not just in his interactions with jimin, which are pretty fruity by themselves. Also in his way of talking about interactions with females, the way he approaches women, or also the way he talks about “girlfriends”. Namjoon, for example, said “i have none RIGHT NOW, can you introduce me one?” And all that playful stuff, but Jungkook didn’t. He keeps sticking to that safe “armys my girl” and that’s it, always. I don’t understand why he said “i only focus on work now, i don’t need a girlfriend”, i mean, he could have not added those lies, but to me that was just smoke. Just adding details to keep it real. Please, tell me if that’s me being delusional.

I know it depends on the personality, so maybe namjoon likes to talk that way while Jk doesn’t, but to me Jungkook still looks non-straight, like, at all. And that’s funny because you’d say the contrary from his solo, songs etc, but every thing he does, little or not, apart from the work he’s told to do, looks far from straight. Funny how the image they tried to create didn’t work that much.

I agree anon. Idk why people analyze these concepts and mvs ad nauseum when there is so much queerness in JK’s actual personality and the way that he carries himself. But I think that’s why the most asks that I get pertain to people desperate for any crumb that he’s “straight” and act like they have the holy grail to prove it to who? Me? Don’t waste your time. Or do they come to my ask box hoping to convince themselves. Probably more likely.

For me personally, Jungkook is queer as hell. Imo, I think he’s gay. His lack of interest in women and chemistry when he’s around them has been a trend since debut. And no, I’m not talking about his “shyness”. Jungkook was shy in general so to act like he was only shy when he was around girls or women is 🙄. Fun fact, in high school I had a crush on a gay boy who was in the closet at the time (he was nice to me okay!) His “crush” was Rachel Ray (the tv cooking talk show host) she’s what no straight boy at 16 would jump to say is their crush. I’m sure that he liked her because he liked her show, not because he found her attractive. Reminds me of a certain bunny saying that “IU” is his ideal type. And interesting too that he chose to name a an actual person, a woman who is older than him btw. When JK did list attributes he found attractive for a partner, none of them screamed “straight” to me. He talked about nice muscles what 🤣 not that women can’t have muscles but the Korean beauty standard for women is for them to be very petite. In conclusion, Jungkook hasn’t been reading as hetereo since we’ve met him. And I’ll die on that hill.

[the-ace-lesbians]

(Warning for potentially TMI, you don't have to read or answer if you don't want!)

Hi, so I (18F) have been identifying as aroace for about two years but I'm starting to wonder if my feelings towards other women are just platonic or if I may be an ace lesbian.

I really liked some of my friends in high school but I don't know if it's a crush because I didn't think about them constantly and it kind of faded whenever I didn't see them for a long time (like over COVID and summer vacation). When I try to think about if I've had crushes, there are no really obvious answers but there are a few people that are kind of in this weird blurry area of, "I never thought of this as a crush at the time but looking back I was kind of weird about her and really wanted her to like me so maybe???" Since I was like 13 or 14 I really liked reading or writing stories about girls in a relationship and even daydreaming that I was one of the characters in the story dating another girl, but I never fantasized about it with real people.

Another hangup is, is it romantic attraction even if you feel uncomfortable with the idea of marrying someone? I don't know if I just have weird feelings about marriage from living with a conservative family that has very strict rules for how married life is supposed to go, or if I genuinely am just not romantically interested.

Like, I like looking at other girls and would love to cuddle with one, and I think I would probably love to love and be loved in a romantic way, but thinking about marriage as the end goal makes it all turn sour. It's less, "I want to settle down and get married and live together" and more "I admire you, I wish I was as strong as you, I want you to tell me about your day, I want to rest my head in your lap while we watch a movie, maybe I want to kiss, and if you called me your girlfriend I think I'd be flustered in a happy way but marriage scares the shit out of me."

So I guess for aces it's a question as old as time: I think I like girls, but does it sound like "I just think they're neat" or "I think I spilled my heart on your shoes, oops"?

I love love, and I love talking about love, romantic or not, so I think I have some good thoughts here for you, anon! I'll put it all undercut to save the people my endless ramblings haha.

Just going top to bottom here, I'll try and answer some questions and give some general thoughts! I am an alloromantic asexual lesbian myself, so if any arospecs read this and disagree or have corrections, please reply to this!

As far as I understand crushes, anon, they don't have to be constantly having romantic feelings about people, or even really recognizing the feelings you have as romantic - romantic attraction is hard to nail down because of how wishy washy and different it can feel and be for everyone. For me, I'd see romantic attraction in myself as the want to have and receive romantic intent with physical interactions, and to be perceived as a romantic couple with my partner by others; Basically, when I kiss a partner, or we go into public together, I want to do it with the intent of being in a romantic relationship.

But, of course, identifying that want is so hard as is. I look back and realize that my obsession and love of certain people's friendship, including feeling jealous when they were with others and not me, wasn't just me being a 'weird kid' but me having a crush on them. I've rarely ever felt the 'butterflies' feeling, or thought about getting married to anyone - actually, the only time I've considered 'marrying a crush' was a comphet crush (The idea of getting married to him CRUSHED me and I didn't know why).

Even at 22, I'm sitting here and I'm pretty sure I have a crush on a friend of mine, we're talking with romantic intentions in mind, and I literally will sometimes find myself forgetting what I was saying when I look at their face or they flirt with me. And yet, I'm still confused because I don't have all those stereotypical 'fluffy sparkly love' feelings.

I will say, I feel as though the media we create and consume shows a lot about our internal desires and wants - obviously there's a nuance to this, but the things we make and consume says a lot about who we are, so I will say that actively making or consuming media about sapphic relationships might tell us what you want or what your brain enjoys, even if you aren't focusing yourself in those situations.

Discussions of sex/asexuality as a comparison to this: Personally, as an asexual, I've never really had fantasies about sex or even intimate situations that involve me, those make me feel uncomfortable and gross, or I just can't actually imagine myself in them at all - unrelated, I can't even consume content that has real people, or even characters played by actors (like, in fics). I find that having a barrier between 'me' and the 'enjoyment' of whatever I'm consuming is what lets my brain understand it and enjoy it. This could be similar here, just with romance; I don't want to have sex, I don't feel sexual attraction, but using a 'third-party' (for lack of a better term) can let me understand and consume the content and scratch some part of my brain.

As far as marrying someone goes, I can completely see where that can be scary or confusing, especially if you come from a conservative background (my deepest sympathies, and I hope you're in a better place, or soon to be). Plenty of alloromantic people don't want to get married, but do have romantic attraction to their partners, even long-term partners - marriage can serve as a 'symbol' of devotion and love, but it's mostly legal, and some decide to go for less legally binding ceremonies. Marriage is a very scary thing, especially when faced with the concept of the 'ideal' conservative marriage, where things are often unfair and unhappy long-term.

Me personally, I'm not that interested in marriage, especially because I'm not able to get married for other reasons. If I were to have a partner I wanted to show commitment to, we'd probably do a more symbolic ceremony and I wouldn't want anything to change after - no sudden shift in division of labor, no new expectations of either of us, none of that.

Romantic attraction without the want to marry is perfectly normal, and increasingly common - and, alternatively, I've seen a few arospecs who want to get married without romantic attraction behind it. This can, again, be because of commitment or devotion to a partner they might have, or strictly for those legal reasons (and, speaking of that, shout out to the countless marriages just for the legal benefits).

As far as if it's romantic attraction or not, that's not something I can decide for you, because romantic attraction is so different for everyone. If you feel the want to be with someone in a romantic sense, or if you get 'fluttery feelings' (I learned recently that those are real, which... wild) thinking about a certain someone, or even if you just find yourself happier around one person more than others, it could be a good indication that there's a romantic want/urge in your brain that just needs to be untangled.

I wish you the best in figuring it out, anon!

[tottymatsuno]

Equal Footing (Osomatsu-san: Todomatsu x Reader) Chapter 1/4

Author: Roro (halfeviltotty)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x reader

Category: resolved sexual tension, asshole totty but not really all that much, casual misogyny, coworkers au, office au,

Rating: T for this chapter NC-17 for the following 3 chapters

Summary: Your shitty coworker called some girls ugly and you're going to die mad about it.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: none i can think of

Commentary: i'll need to upload the next chapters from my phone so im not looking forward to that. bulk posting to my drafts rn so this probably wont get uploaded until i post the other shit. another ao3 classic.

Your eyes met from across the banquet hall, you scoffed, and he sneered. You continue your conversation with your subordinate without a single glance back at Matsuno Todomatsu’s direction, but you couldn’t get him off your mind while you spoke.

Matsuno-san was your equal at Akatsuka Trading, the two of you started and climbed the ladder at a healthy competitive rate until one day the rivalry wasn’t so healthy anymore.

Now you can’t stand the man, he puts on a front of treating everyone like equals, but his treatment towards his female employees has you heated.

Favoritism? Calling employees ‘uggos’?

Oh no, once you heard from your department about the Yowai-kun incident you’ve been giving Todomatsu more than the evil eye. He’s caught on and has returned your malice with just as much vigor; the two of you drop the pretense of ever liking each other in the first place.

No more light banter after meetings, no more fun competitions, no more friendliness. You despise him and you let him know as business friendly as possible.

The worst part is you actually liked him…you STILL like him…but calling women ugly? Preferring to hire cute girls instead of competent workers and then begging them to stay on because they’re pretty?

It’s unforgivable!

You feel stupid because he’s so damn manipulative that even you’ve fallen for his charms!

Matsuno-san has the ability to make anyone feel like they’re a valued part of the company no matter how inexperienced they are, and he tends to be good at appreciating hard work. After that day, you reexamined all of your interactions with him and you’re even more mad at how you ended up with a crush on him!

Once all of the mingling was done, you and Matsuno-san are personally congratulated by the president of the company for your hard work. Even though the two of you are only mid-level employees at the moment, the president is very kind and generous with praise towards management. The two of you were brought from different sides of the room to meet in the middle. You stand a respectful distance from everyone else because you know what’s to come next.

When the president walks off, Matsuno-san turns to you with a sly smile. “Looks like only one of us is getting that promotion.”

“Hope you like the taste of stagnation.” Matsuno-san laughs out as if he told a really good joke when he raises his champagne glass in a mock toast. He doesn’t drink from it though.

“Todomatsu.” You command his attention, with your cheeks flushed from the wine. You’re still sober, you’ve only had one glass, but you know this is the perfect time to use alcohol as an excuse.

“No wonder you’ve never had a girlfriend. You’re such an awful person.”

You say it so devastatingly cold before getting close to his ear to whisper, “Does that make you a virgin too?” You laugh in his face when he stiffens and nearly drops his glass.

“S-shut up! I’ve had lots of girlfriends…” You continue to laugh at his obvious lie, but Todomatsu sizes you up quickly. “I heard you have a crush on Dekapan, want me to set you two up?” He says childishly and unfortunately you find his little gloating face cute.

“It’s that shitty attitude of yours that can’t get you a girlfriend.” You take a sip of your champagne visibly unphased by his retort.

“Oh, like you’re one to talk. You’re almost twenty-six, Christmas cake.” He snaps back, and this is what gets you angrier.

“That’s what I hate about you!” You say without fully explaining your thoughts but hope to get the point across. Todomatsu follows you when you stalk off, now asking questions.

“What do you mean that's what you hate about me?!” Todomatsu demands.

“Shut up!” The two of you are now out of the hall, where you’re not afraid of anyone hearing because there is no one there.

“Just a few weeks ago we were friendly and now you hate me?” Todomatsu’s voice is colored with a pleading edge.

“Yes.” You say stomping your way to the coat room to retrieve your things. “Why?! What did I DO?”

You completely brush him off while you put on your coat, with a vice like grip on your purse. Todomatsu stands there with his arms wide which would otherwise look like an invitation to hug him and mere weeks ago you would’ve loved to see him in that position.

“You’re disgusting.” You say with all the venom you can muster. “Me?!” He questions loudly following you further until he’s nearly stalking you to your car.

“I don’t want to keep fighting, just be an adult and tell me what your problem is with me.”

You turn to face him and square up. “You’re sexist.” You say simply.

“Nonono! What gave you that impression? I’ve been nothing but fair to both genders of my subordinates!” Todomatsu shakes his head vigorously.

“Ahh, so it was just a misunderstanding… I’m glad I can settle this once and for all, jeez. It was so hard being mean to you for no reason.”

Todomatsu was using a much more casual form of language and you suppose you were too. His voice was airy like a weight had been lifted off of his heavy shoulders.

“You’re a liar. Ichiko-kun and Jyushiko-kun have told me about what you said! You called them uggos!”

Todomatsu instantly flinched as if he were quickly remembering the incident. “It wasn’t like that!”

“What happened then?” You glowered at him so hard to the point where he flinched again.

“I was under a tremendous amount of stress that day and it slipped out.”

You turned away and continued to walk to your car. “Wait! It was just a generic insult! I would’ve said it to anyone!!”

“Have you apologized to them?” Todomatsu nods yes, and you glare into his cute brown eyes. “In front of your whole staff?” You ask deathly serious.

“I…I don’t think I need to go THAT far, it was just a one-time thing.” He says loosening his collar nervously.

“Then I still hate you, pig.”

“Don’t say that!” Todomatsu clutches his heart as if he were wounded by the words.

“Die.” You continue now with humor in your voice. He continues to fold into himself. You repeat the word until he’s a little ball. You go to unlock your car door, leaving him there.

“Wait…” Todomatsu pleads from the ground with damp knees wet and icy from the snow.

“Even if you hate me!” He shouts, scrambling up as you set your purse down. “At least let me drive you home!”

The car door was still open, and you heard him loud and clear. “Why should I?” You ask incredulously, unable to think of a single reason why that’d be a good idea.

“Because you have alcohol in your system!” Todomatsu is now leaning over you from the driver’s seat. He’s got his best charming smile on, the one you used to be fond of weeks ago.

“I’ve only had one drink.”

“That’s probably over the limit though. Let me do this, we can talk on the way there.”

You think about it for a moment, he’s right you probably are over the .003% limit from that one flute…and you DO want to talk to him about things. You really want to chew him out for

his treatment to his employees.

“You’ve had drinks too, though.”

“I didn’t actually drink any of it.” He says smoothly like that should make sense. Now that you think about it though, when you were glaring at him you did notice he never took a drink.

“Hm…Alright.”

You begin to get out of the car, but Todomatsu doesn’t move out of the way quickly enough so your nose bumps into his own roughly. You feel your lips graze his lightly and it sends sparks of electricity down your spine. You gasp then duck under his extended shoulder with your hand over your lips.

“You bastard.” You whisper, moving into the passenger seat and pointedly ignored Todomatsu’s slack jaw staring from the same position. He’s still hovering over the driver’s seat, arm resting on the hood of the car. The only difference is his face is completely embarrassed with a hint of excitement.

“That was…” He murmurs. “I wasn’t expecting that.” His voice is mixed with emotions you can’t and don’t care to define.

“Why didn’t you move out of the way?! I was getting out!”

“You didn’t give me enough time, you just stood up!” Todomatsu finally snaps out of it and enters the car. He’s absent-mindedly going through your CD collection to get himself orientated enough to drive.

“Acid Black Cherry? You like visual kei?”

You snatch the CD out of his hand but he quickly yanks it back. “That’s so cute. In a juvenile way.”

“If you want me to keep hating you, you’re off to an excellent start.”

Todomatsu laughs more akin to a giggle than anything, before saying “Sorry.” You’re aware he doesn’t mean but it pacifies you anyways. Todomatsu focuses on your CD collection before coming to the conclusion he doesn’t know any of the artists.

“You listen to mostly western music, huh?” He complains and you glare at him. “Okay, since it’s your car you pick the song. Show me the best one you’ve got!”

You, without thinking put in the Stars Heart album. You’re not even paying attention when you skip past the first song. The song Elevator Love Letter plays as Todomatsu pulls out of the parking lot.

As it continues to go on, you become more and more embarrassed as if the song represents anything about your current situation with Todomatsu.

If he notices he doesn’t say anything as he drives. “Let’s…let’s turn this off.” You mumble as the words “And if she likes, I’ll tell her lies.” Drift through the speakers.

“Hey.” Todomatsu starts off soberly a few minutes after driving in silence. “You’ve been taking that ‘uggo’ comment more seriously than either Ichiko-kun or Jyushiko-kun.”

You glare at him, “That’s because they can’t tell you off themselves.”

“They did though, but that’s not what I mean. You’ve been acting like I called you ugly personally.” Todomatsu glances at you before turning his eyes back to the road.

“You shouldn’t be calling anybody ugly.” You mumble, “It’s really rude. Especially as their boss.”

“So, you’re telling me you don’t think some people are unattractive?” You don’t like this line of thinking.

“I do, but I don’t tell it to their face.” You’re glaring at him again.

“Even when they’re annoying you?” He’s got that voice again like he’s trying to gently convince you to see his line of thinking.

“Not if they work under me.” Todomatsu sighs out when you reply.

“You’re right, I shouldn't have said it.”

You nod in agreement. “But,” He continues. “I would never say that to you.” You scoff and roll your eyes. “That doesn’t make it better.” There’s a squeezing feeling in your heart that makes you grimace uncomfortably.

“I really liked you, Todomatsu…But until you make this right with Ichiko and Jyushiko I don’t think we could be friends or anything else. So, it doesn’t matter if you don’t find me ugly.” You say feeling closer to crying than not.

As Todomatsu pulls onto your street you feel exhausted and like nothing was really resolved. “Do you even know what you did wrong?” You ask with your fists balled up into your coat pockets.

“Uh…” He starts off, “I called my subordinates names?”

“Yes and?”

Todomatsu puts the car into park in front of your apartment and hm’s. “I don’t know.”

You glare at him getting out of the car without saying anything. Todomatsu also exits the vehicle after you loudly tap on the hood because he’s not about to piss you off then steal your car.

“After you showed preferential treatment to a woman you found attractive.” You say, walking to your door.

“It wasn’t like that though…!” He whines as you unlock your door.

“What was it like then?”

He motions you to come close, when you do he whispers, “You know that series of layoffs right before I hired Yowai-kun?”

You nod. “Well, I was instructed to hire her specifically even though she was over an hour late to her interview. I was supposed to keep her on staff as long as possible because she’s the president’s great niece.” He tells you this before entering your apartment. Once the door is locked Todomatsu continues in a louder, but still hushed tone.

“Apparently the president has been hiring all sorts of family members in the company because the shareholders are about to make him only a figurehead. He wants his family to carry his agenda in all aspects of Akatsuka Trading.”

“What does that mean for the company? They must be doing this for a reason right?”

Todomatsu shrugs now sitting on your couch. You wait for his answer. “I don’t know, but we might need to look for a new job. My guess is that the company is going under soon and its shareholders are looking for someone to take the fall.”

“Ah…tell me more about this in a second, I’m going to make tea.”

You have a lot to think about as you fill up your electric kettle with water. Todomatsu wasn’t the type as far as you know to tell wild lies, nor was he the type to give insider information. You frown when he comes into your simple and sort of dirty kitchen. You’re staring at your wall thinking when Todomatsu breezes past you.

“Let me help with this.” Todomatsu offers, going to your sink to look for mugs. “Who said you could be in here?” You nervously laugh, “It’s dirty, get out.”

“I know, that’s why I’m offering to help.” Todomatsu locates two mugs from somewhere, one covered in pink strawberries and the other with a bee motif. “This is sorta cute even for you.” He smiles as he begins to wash them. You’re peeling clementines, peaches, and apples for the conversation.

There’s something extremely domestic about the scene, to the point where your crush seems to be back in full force. Now you’re imagining washing dishes with Todomatsu after every meal, maybe the two of you have some kids you’ve put to sleep by now. There’s a small lap dog at your feet and you two share a sweet kiss before tackling your chores…

You’re so enraptured in the fantasy you end up saying, “Thank you, dearest.” When the words slip off your tongue you instantly know you made a mistake. Todomatsu drops the mug he was rinsing, thankfully it doesn’t break but the clatter scares you intensely.

But not as intensely as what you accidentally said.

“D-de-dearest?” He stutters, before pointing at you. “You do!” You’re denying it with a shake of the head. “Nonononono! I said cheerist! As in cheeriest!”

Todomatsu turns off the running water, still pointing at you. “You were so upset because you LIKE me!”

“No! I liked you! I don’t anymore!!” You take the fruits and move into the living room and the sound of Todomatsu's footfalls trailing behind you still wagging his finger in your receding direction.

“You called me dearest, you still have feelings for me!”

“Shut up!!” You shout again like a repeat of the argument earlier in the night. You end up burying yourself in your couch cushion completely mortified. Todomatsu lowers his accusing finger and settles into the opposite side of you. Whatever plans for tea and snacks while discussing game plans is completely off the table now.

“Hey,” Todomatsu says gently after what felt like hours far away from you on the couch. He begins to scoot over, “I like you too.”

“Shut up.” You mumble into the cushion. “Listen, I’ll apologize to the whole office if you want...just look at me for a second.”

You bury yourself deeper. “Please?” He nearly begs and you give in. Your head raises and with bleary eyes you glower into his.

He laughs, taking your hands in his. “Not like that.”

Todomatsu’s slightly chilled and soft hands cupped yours, “I like you too.” He reaffirms.

Todomatsu’s slightly chilled and soft hands cupped yours, “I like you too.” He reaffirms.

“I miss you being nice to me,” He starts to complain, “I hated saying those things to you.”

You roughly pry your hands out of his, “Why did you then?” Your glower was back.

“I thought it was apart of the competition!”

You accept the answer, even going as far as to scoot a fraction of an inch closer. Todomatsu notices with a kitty grin on his lips.

Speaking of lips, you can’t help but foolishly imagine Todomatsu asking, “Can I kiss you right now?”

Instead Todomatsu very obviously fakes a yawn before taking you into his arms. The yawn had you rolling your eyes but being enveloped in the excitable embrace has you seeing stars. Todomatsu’s laughing adorably with his chin nuzzling your hair. Once he stops, he leans back with you still wrapped safely in his arms. You both exhale at the same time.

“I really like you.” He says again for the third time. “I know.”

“Do you still like me, dearest?” You know he’s teasing you right now, but you can’t help but want to say yes. Instead you say, “That depends,” You mumble into his arm.

“On what?”

“You have to stop being an asshole.”

“Okay!” He kisses your temple before ruffling your hair. “And apologize in front of your division to Ichiko-kun and Jyusiko-kun.” You add on determinedly.

“Of course.” He knew that was coming.

You finally begin to release your tension in his arms until you were basically a ragdoll. Once all the stress left your body you instantly fell asleep, cuddling up to his side. Todomatsu smiles down at you fondly before making himself comfortable to sleep as well.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #802: The Day We (Kinda) Became a Thing (SSBU X Animal Crossing)

1:56 p.m. at Horizon Island's Picnic)

Nook: (Smiles Softly at Wolf and Isabelle In Front of Him) It's nice to finally see you two again.

Isabelle: (Happily Bows her Head at Tom Nook) Likewise, Mr. Nook sir.

Wolf: (Smiles Softly as Well) Yeah. You and the folks here are alright.....Well, I mean, except for that Restti asshole.....

Isabelle: (Immediately Turns and Pouts at Wolf) Wolfie!

Wolf: What? The guy's a dick.

Isabelle: Not all the time. He's a really nice person once you get to know him. (Turns to See Mr. Restti Angrily Yelling at his Co-Workers From a Distance) For the most part.....

Wolf: (Shrugs) Eh. Still have my doubt.

Nook: You know, I've been thinking....

Wolf: (Turns Back to Tom Nook Along With Isabelle) Hm?

Isabelle: About what, Mr. Nook?

Nook: About the both of you of course. You're polar opposites from another. Yet the love and chemistry you share......It just might be the brightest bit of romance I've seen yet.

Isabelle: ('Gasps')

Wolf: (Eyes Widened a Bit in Genuinely Surprised) Oh shit. Really?

Nook: (Simply Nodded) Mmhmm. Which leads me to my question. How exactly did the two of you met each other in the first?

Isabelle: Oh. (Smiles Brightly) Well, it all started back when I was still getting used to living at the mansion at the time.

Wolf: I started having a crush on her the moment she first moved in. So one day, I asked crew mates, Panther and Leon, for some romantic advice.....

Flashback....

Wolf: Panther, what the hell the this?

Panther: (Smiles Confidently at the Paper He Just Gave to Wolf) The words I've come up for you to say to your admirer. Practice saying them to perfection before going to your exquisite date together this evening and she'll be falling head over heels for you in no time.

Wolf: (Gives Panther a Deadpinned Look on his Face) Dude, I'm just taking her out for coffee. And on top of that.....(Points at the Paper) These are all in Spanish. I don't know how say all of this shit!

Panther: Oh I'm sure you'll be able to learn them in due time. Spanish is one of the languages that is perfectly suitable for romance after all~

Wolf: (Groans While Pinching his Nose in Annoyance) I am regretting this already.....(Turns to Leon, Who is Reading a Magazine) Leon, help me out here, will ya?

Leon: (Moves Away From the Magazine and Turns to Wolf Before Putting his Hand on his Chin) Hmmm....(Gives Wolf a Thumbs Up) I wish you the best of luck, Captain.

Wolf: (Immediately Glares at the Chameleon) NOT THAT KIND OF HELP, ASSHOLE!

Leon: ('Sigh') Look, I don't know why you're getting this desperate for our help to begin with. You've flirted with a plenty of women before.

Wolf: Yeah. But....(Turns Away While Blushing and Rubbing the Back of his Head Back and Forth) Izzy's different from all of them, you know?

Panther: (Raised an Eyebrow in Confusion) Izzy?

Wolf: It's a nickname I just thought of giving her someday.

Leon: Cute. But try refraining yourself from calling her that in your first meeting.

Wolf: (Sighs While Nodding in Agreement) Right. But yeah, like I said. She's completely different from all the girls I've talked to over the years. She's kind, hardworking, hell, she can even rival Kirby in a cuteness contest and she would win by a landslide.

Leon: (Smirks a Little) You've really fallen for her, haven't you?

Wolf: Yeah. I.....guess I am. I know I'm not the most romantic guy in the bunch, but....I dunno. Something's telling me to give this one a shot. And I guess I believed it.

Leon: Well....If this is really what your heart desires, then I suppose the advice I can give you at the moment is to have more confidence in yourself while talking to her.

Panther: And if all hope is lost, you can always blurt out these lovely pick-up lines on the paper.

Wolf: Still don't know how to speak in Spanish, Panther. But I'll try not to fuck up out there. Thanks, guys.

Few Minutes Later in the Dining Hall.....

Wolf: (Reading the Paper Panther Gave Him While Walking) "Te....A-mo.....Mu...sa.....Sway....la?" ('Sigh') Why the hell couldn't that Casanova written all of this in English? (Crumbles the Paper Up) Ridiculous.

????: Mr. O' Donnell?

Wolf: What do you wan- (Eyes Widened Once Realized that Isabelle is in Front of Him) O-Oh! Uh...Izzy- No! I-I mean! ('Clears Throat') Isabelle. Uh....How it's... going?

Isabelle: (Smiles Brightly) I'm doing very well. I've just got done finishing the laundry for the week. How about you?

Wolf: I'm doing fine. In fact, I uhh....Wanted to see you for a minute. If you don't mind.

Isabelle: Of course I don't mind. What is you want to see me for?

Wolf: Oh uh....Just wanted to ask you a question is all?

Isabelle: What's your question?

Wolf: ('Sigh') Well, uh.....If you're not doing anything at the moment....I was hoping if you... Wanna spend some quality time with me in meantime. To uhh...get to know each other and whatnot. B-But not to some fancy restaurant or anything like that! I wanna take you this place called La Shy Guy's Café or whatever. It's a coffee place from across the street from here and....I thought it would be.... cool if... we go there together and junk. But I COMPLETELY understand if have a busy schedule ahead or....if you're not really interested in the whole in general-

Isabelle: I would love to go with you.

Wolf: Or maybe if you- (Eyes Suddenly Widened) Wait. What now?

Isabelle: (Giggles Softly) I said I would love to go to café with you, silly~ To tell you the truth, I've been wanting to get to know you too, Mr. O' Donnell.

Wolf: ('Heh') Please. Mr. O' Donnell is my old man's name. Just call me Wolf.

Isabelle: Oh okay. Wolf it is then. Lovely name by the way.

Wolf: (Starts Blushing Again) Oh uh...Thanks. But anyways, you... really want to get to know me better?

Isabelle: (Happily Nodded) Mmhmm. I know you may have a reputation of being rebellious and scary to some here, but I honestly think there's more to you than meets the eye, you know?

Wolf: (Shrugs) I'm not too sure about all of that. But if you're still willing to hang out with someone like me, then I ain't complaining.

Isabelle: (Smiles Brightly) I'm up for anything, Wolfie!~

Wolf: (Raised an Eyebrow in Confusion) "Wolfie?"

Isabelle: (Eyes Begins to Widened Once She Realized What She Just Said) O-Oh my! (Starts Blushing as Well) S-Sorry about that. It's a nickname I thought of calling you for a bit of while now. I-I hope you don't mind.

Wolf: (Gives Isabelle a Soft Smirk on his Face) Not at all.

Flashback Ended

Wolf: Then after a couple of hangouts, meet-ups, and an actual date at the restaurant later, we finally became a couple.

Isabelle: (Giggles Softly) I can't believe Panther written you a list of romantic pick-up lines in Spanish! Did you really thought about saying them all to me?

Wolf: ('Sigh') I dunno. Sort of? Even if I did had time to learn all of that beforehand, I'd still would've find a way to mess it all up. Plus, I thought you wouldn't be into that kind of stuff at the time, so......

Isabelle: Te quiero mucho, mi grande, apuesto, Wolfie~

Wolf: (Genuinely Surprised by Isabelle's Sudden, Yet Fluent Spanish Speaking Skills) Goddamn, Izzy. That was impressive.....But what did that all stand for exactly?

Isabelle: (Giggles Some More Before Hugging Wolf's Arm) It means that "I love you very much, my big, handsome, Wolfie~" (Gives Wolf a Big Kiss on the Cheek)

Wolf: Oh. ('Heh') Right. I....(Starts Blushing a Little) Knew all of that....(Smiles Softly at his Girlfriend) Love you too, Isabelle. (Starts Kissing on the Top of Isabelle's Forehead)

Isabelle: (Giggles Ticklishly By Wolf's Kisses) Wolfie!~ Not in front of Mr. Nook!~

Nook: (Chuckles Lightly) Oh now don't you mind me, Isabelle darling. I, for one, enjoy watching lovely couples interact with one another like this. It's a wonderful feeling indeed. Which reminds me....(Smiles Brightly at the Couple in Front of Him) When's the wedding?

Wolf and Isabelle Immediately stopped what they were doing turn their heads to Tom Nook with completely surprised looks on both of their faces. All while blushing madly red in the process.

EHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?

@boriswolf4423

@keyenuta

@26shann

@cyber-wildcat

@caleb13frede

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

[jamilelucato]

The History Of Wrong Guys

Pairing: Bill Weasley x reader (platonic)

Based on the song The History Of Wrong Guys, from the musical Kinky Boots.

Summary: you and Bill are co-works and suddenly you noticed you were thinking about him a little too much.

Musical Hogwarts List

A/N: there’s a little twist at the end and that’s all I’m gonna say.

You’ve been working for the Gringotts Wizarding Bank for six years. Things were always the same — you were responsible for paperwork; contracts, international business, and client interactions. Literally, anything that the goblins didn’t feel like doing was your job.

Simple, easy and money guaranteed.

Working behind a desk was kind of boring, but you weren’t the only wizard around — there were other two working with you. Other two really old co-works who had been there for Merlin-knows how long an didn’t like to chat, but still... not alone, you know.

Jannet and Gabriel — the other two wizards around — use to say your habit of chatting, making jokes and treating work with fun ways was going to get you fired but there you were, six years of doing it and no goblin asked you to leave.

Jannet was more susceptible to talk, but she was a bore. She refused to know anything muggle-related — even though your jobs were very much like muggles — so she didn’t get any of the references you mentioned.

Rumours about the rising of He-Who-Most-Not-Be-Named were circulating around the Bank, and much to you and your wizard co-workers dismay, the goblins seemed really found of having the Dark Lord around.

The only good thing those rumours got you was your new desk neighbour: Bill Weasley.

Bill was tall and ginger, with beautiful eyes — not that any of this matters. Anyway, Bill used to do curse-breaking work, but he was having some issues with his family — as if you didn’t know about the Order of the Phoenix — and so he had to be relocated to your workplace, in Diagon Alley.

Bill was a blessing to the place.

At first, you two never talked. It was only “good morning” and “have a nice weekend”, but it all changed when, without notice, you said out loud one of the catchphrases from one of the muggle shows you were watching. 

See, this would generally pass unnoticed, because Jannet and Gabriel had no idea what that was about and they only thought you were crazy, but Bill knew what show you were referencing. He knew and he replied with the answer of the catchphrase!

And since then you two had managed to become friends, exchanging jokes and funny remarks every time you guys had a break. You even shared lunch two days in a roll because Bill’s mom didn’t have time to prepare it (yep, you made fun of him because of it).

Sometimes it felt like he was trying to recruit you to the Order of Phoenix but you were never sure because he never went through with it — he’d walk away before finishing his questions.

You never pressured him about because if he asked, you’d be tempted to say yes, but, truthfully, you really didn’t to be a part of it.

One day, you two took your break for lunch together, so you sat at the same table at the Leaky Cauldron.

“It’s nice having a co-worker,” he commented in between bites.

“You worked alone? When curse-breaking, I mean,” you asked, avoiding gazing at him for too long. You noticed you had been doing it a lot lately.

“It’s generally a one-person job,” he explained, shrugging. “Never wanted to leave for an adventure?”

“Ah,” you sighed, playing with your food. That was a sensitive matter for you. “Never had the guts.”

“What a horrible example for your fellow feminists,” he mocked, almost choking with his food while laughing.

With the fork, you threw a pea in his face.

“Hey!” he shouted, still laughing.

“Don’t ever say I’m not feminist enough, Weasley,” you warned, raising a brow, but inside you were laughing as well.

“I didn’t say that,” he smirked.

You exhaled, letting out a small giggle. He was going to drive you crazy...

“Let’s go back, or we’ll be late,” he pressed you to fast eat — which he knew you hated.

“I still need to pay, Weasley,” you pointed out, tossing food in as fast as you could.

“I’ve got you covered, y/L/N,” he said, showing you the receipts.

Without even noticing, you blushed. He was a gentleman and you didn’t deserve it. All those years complaining about Jannet and Gabriel finally had paid off.

When you arrived at the Bank, a beautiful, blond, tall and thin woman started walking towards you. She probably wanted something — the goblins left pretty girls at the door to attract customers, which was an excellent tactic, but then they never knew how to differentiate who was a customer and who was an employee.

You were getting prepare to shove her off when she reached for Bill’s arms.

“Thought we were lunching together, Bill,” the blondie said with a heavy French accent.

Bill blushed.

“Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry, Fleur, I completely forgot... I was able to head out early and I didn’t...” Bill’s tone showed concerned, and you noticed he was scared of her.

You watched the scene quietly.

“It’s okay, love, I am not angry,” she said, smiling. “Do you still have time left?”

Bill looked at his watch and then at you.

“A couple of minutes,” he informed her, not daring to look back at you again.

And you understood — he wanted you to disappear. So you rushed to the lift, hoping, praying for it to open and fast.

Once the door opened, you practically jumped in and pressed all the buttons so it would close.

Why were you feeling like that?

“Oh no, you don't dare. Girl, girl, girl, I'm warning you!” you shouted aloud in the elevator, not really caring because you were alone. You facepalmed. “No! I think I have a crush. I can't. I think I'm falling for him...Oh no...”

That was why you felt weird back then. You were jealous.

You shouldn’t be felling that, but then again, women have been making bad choices since the beginning of time. Are you gonna be another one of mine? you thought, used to think he was from outer space. Who's that bright-eyed guy in your place? He’s kinda cute when he’s not so shy...

“But I've been here before. Have I come back for more?” you talked to the reflection of yourself in the mirror of the lift. It was another chapter in the history of wrong guys.

You turned around, pressing your back in the mirror. “Bill, honestly, I've been hurt like this before. Is there really more to you than what I always thought?” you whispered, groaning. “How can you surprise me anymore?”

Fine, you had a crush on him. But you were, clearly, not the only one; I mean, that blondie downstairs was all over him...

It’s okay, love, her voice echoed in your head.

“He's got a girlfriend, you flake!” you slapped yourself, really hard. “Why are they only nice when they're unavailable?!”

You didn’t wanna be another star-crossed lover, you knew how that ends.

“I’m better off without him. We’re better off as friends,” you said aloud, hoping those words would fix in your mind.

It was definitely another chapter in the history of wrong guys. After all, yesterday, no spark, no heart aching allure. But today you felt something impossible to ignore.

Let me clear the history of wrong guys for all of those wondering:

Chapter One - He's a bum;

Two - He's not into you;

Three - He's a sleaze;

Four - Loves the girl next door;

Five - Loves the boy next door;

Six - Don't love you no more, makes you insecure, makes you so unsure, is so immature, loves his mother more

Or

He has a girlfriend named Fleur.

The elevator door opened when you rushed out of it. You sat down at your table but you were unable to find a good position. After all, all of them faced Bill’s table.

How were you going to look at him now? Merlin, you had spent most of the time flirting with him, openly! He probably knew you liked him, and even if not, he would find weird if you suddenly stopped.

And if you didn’t stop, you were going to fall for him deeper than you had already.

It was funny how he needed to have a pretty girl around to make you realized you had feelings for him. And funny how you thought he’d pick you.

“Where are you going?” asked Jannet.

“Home,” you answered, gathering your things from your table.

“What? Are you—”

“I’m feeling sick, Jannet. I’ll be back tomorrow, okay, don‘t be a bore,” you said, rolling your eyes, before hurrying to the lift again. You just hoped Bill wouldn’t pop out of it.

***

You stared at your ceiling for the whole afternoon. And after eating dinner, you kept looking at it.

What were you going to do? You couldn’t keep taking leaves.

Perhaps this was a sign from the universe for you to get the hell out of there. 

You hated that desk job, you hated the temperatures in London, you hated your flat...

***

Arriving at the Bank, you rushed to your supervisor before even saying good-morning to the goblins around.

“Is Bill’s old job still available?” you asked the boss goblin who didn’t even look awake yet.

“I’m sorry?”

“Bill Weasley’s old job. Curse-breaker,” you said as if you were in a hurry. And you were, because, if it didn’t do it today, you wouldn’t do it ever. “Is it still available?”

“Yes, but—” the goblin looked around his office, maybe he was looking for some paper.

“No buts, I want it. I’ll go, wherever you want me, just say.”

“Are you sure about that, miss y/L/N?” he asked, taking off his glasses.

“Yes, I am. I’ll go right now if you want.”

“Okay, okay. I see you are committed. I’ll work things out.”

You smiled and sat down at the chair in front of you. The goblin didn’t seem to like, but he said nothing else and you waited there for your further directions, pressing your purse against your fast-beating heart.

***Months later...

In your hand was a letter that you did not expect to receive.

They really had given you Bill’s old job, so your new home was now Egypt. It was hot in the day, cold in the night, exactly the type of weather you liked.

Also, the adventures couldn’t be better. There was always a new curse to break — at first, it was hard because you had lost the hang of things wand-related, but soon enough things were exciting as ever before in your life.

But, coming back to the letter in your hands...

William Arthur Weasley and Fleur Isabelle Delacour, together with their families request your presence at the celebration of their marriage.

It followed with the date and place but it wasn’t that part that you were rereading non-stop.

Bill was going to marry and with blondie from work. Oh my, Merlin.

That was definitely another chapter in your history of wrong guys.

***

“You came!” shouted a happy Bill Weasley, wrapping you around his arms. Such strong arms... Again, not the point.

“I replied the invitation, didn’t I?” you said, with a sad smile that he thankfully couldn’t see because your face lied on his shoulder.

“Yeah, but I just...” he put you down, letting you go from his embrace. “You left with just a note, y/L/N. Not very friend-like.”

You pressed your lips together, raising your brows.

“Sorry, Weasley. They offered me the job—”

“—my job—” he interrupted.

“— and it was then or never.”

“I bet it was my conversation. When I said you were a bad feminist—” he looked down at his feet.

“Hey,” you reached his chin with your hand, raising his face. “You didn’t offend me. I needed that wake-up call.”

He smiled, blushing and you started to feel nervous. What were you doing, making a married man blush? You took a step away just for precaution.

“So, how do you like the ceremony?” he asked.

“It’s beautiful, so enchanting... You are crazy to get married at times like this, but I’ll give you credit for the decoration,” you ramble. “Although, I’m pretty sure the credit goes to Fleur.”

“Fleur,” he corrected your pronunciation but then smiled. “And yes, the decoration was all her.”

You smiled back, embarrassed for having said her name wrong.

Another red-head appeared all of a sudden next to Bill, and he had a beautiful smile. He was shorter than Bill, but not at all uglier because he had strong arms and a well-taken-care-of hair.

Sure, Bill had lost part of his charm because of some scars — a werewolf attack that didn’t work out, he explained — but he was charming in the tux. Nonetheless, the man at his side was even hotter.

“Who’s the pretty girl, Bill?” he asked, showing a voice that only completed the package. “Thought you already had a pretty girl for yourself.”

Bill sighed, half-smiling, half-serious. Only he could do such a thing.

“Charlie, this is y/N,” Bill made the honours. “Y/L/N, this is Charlie. My younger brother.”

“Younger, but hotter,” said Charlie, giving you his hand. “Nice meeting you, y/N.”

“Can say the same, Charlie,” you replied, noticing how calloused his hand was. That boy was not only a pretty face but also a hard-working man? Was that family a pot of gold?

Bill coughed, calling the attention back to himself.

“Well, now that you two know each other—” but Bill was never able to finish because Fleur pulled his arm and took him to dance floor, not even saying sorry to you or Charlie.

“Now what, brother?” Charlie asked making you laugh with his easy humour.

He then offered you his hand and you didn’t understand why until he tilted his head towards the dance floor.

“Oh, I don‘t really...” 

“Come on,” he grabbed your hand anyway, and since you stopped complaining, he took it as a yes.

You smiled at him and passed your arms around his neck while he embraced your waist. It felt completely natural like you two had done it many times before. From where you were standing, you could see Bill and Fleur having fun, but the image didn’t seem to bother you anymore.

“So, how come I didn’t know you?” Charlie asked, trying to make conversation.

“I’m living in Egypt now— long story,” you added when you noticed he raised his brows. “Well, actually, I’m now in Romania, in the country’s capital. Haven’t memorized it yet.”

“No way!” he dropped your waist and stopped dancing.

“What?” you asked confused.

“I live in Romania,” he explained, stepping next to you again and grabbing your waist as if he had never stopped.

“Well, then maybe you can be my tour guy,” you said, smiling to him. “I’ve been just organizing an apartment; I know noting of the country yet.”

“Of course! Well, I’m more in the North, but I can pass at the capital at any time.”

You two stayed talking all night. It was nice to know that, although he worked with dragons and you worked with charmed objects and goblins, you two had a lot in common.

He didn’t have much knowledge around muggle’s TV shows, but lately neither have you. It was hard watching things in Egypt because it was generally in a language you didn’t speak and you hadn’t had the time to even find a TV in Romania.

Charlie managed to distract you all night, and if it weren‘t for the terrible silence that fell upon the party when a magical announcement happened, you wouldn’t have noticed how in danger you were.

“You need to Apparate out of here,” you screamed at Charlie who was now up next to you and you grabbed his hand. That made him gasp, surprised for a second but it was an automatic reaction for you with all those months undoing curses, you knew your safety instructions.

“You are the one who needs to run,” he shouted over the noise.

“I’m not going anywhere — I’m gonna help them fight,” you said. “It’s nothing I haven’t done at work before. Only ten times worse, but I can handle it.”

Funny how before changing jobs, you would have run away as quickly as possible.

“You need to go, Charles, now!” you shouted, before exploding a spell in the face of a masked wizard.

“I’m not going anywhere, y/N!” he yelled back, using his wand against another couple of dark wizards.

You two quickly exchanged looks, both raged with anger, but not at each other. 

Even though you two were fighting facing a number way bigger than just the two of you, neither of you dropped each other's hand during the whole thing.

“Watch out!” you shouted, before attacking a man behind Charles that he did not have seen.

Charlie ducked just in time and the other wizard fell in pain.

“Charles, follow me,” you requested, squeezing his hand and running out of the wedding tent.

“When this all ends, woman, I’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth,” he replied with a smile. You looked away but not in time for him to not see you blushed. And that simple reaction made his night.

It was definitely a new chapter for the history of wrong guys. But, perhaps this time it was going to have a happy ending.

[birlcholtz]

any bittyholtz headcanons👀

holster knows he’s big ok? and he realizes pretty quick his sophomore year that bitty is Not Great at handling large guys coming at him quickly. so out of consideration for this tiny frosh, who is cute but holster can also tell is scared shitless by ransom and holster being their loud selves, holster tries to be conscious of bitty and respect his space (and also not yell too much around him because who knows what specifically bothers him)

and the great thing about ransom and holster being best bros for so long is that holster doesn’t have to explain what he’s doing to ransom, ransom just kind of matches him and that’s that

and holster is delighted every time bitty opens up a bit more and relaxes a bit more around the team, and when he comes out to ransom and holster holster internally is like oh. oh of COURSE. of course big loud jocks who talk about hooking up with women all the time and check people really hard on the ice bother him. duh holster

but holster would NEVER hurt someone for being gay that’s a huge asshole move and he feels it is Very Important That Bitty Knows That Holster Would Never Hurt Him. why does he feel it’s so important?? that’s a question for later holster isn’t a whole ‘analyze my feelings’ dude

so holster actively makes an effort to be around bitty in a non-threatening way. by a couple of months into spring semester they’re very comfortable around each other, comfortable enough that bitty jokes about their size difference and at one point he literally jumps into holster’s arms (who catches him on instinct) and then holster is like oh my god i’m holding bitty. oh my god he’s so small but so muscular. oh my god his hair smells so nice oh god oh fUCK

there is literally so much more under the cut. (send me ur headcanons for rarepairs/qpps!)

bitty, for his part, was initially very wary of ransom and holster for exactly the reasons holster figured out. it also doesn’t help that ransom dresses like a preppy frat bro and holster dresses like a messy frat bro. they’re both frat bros and bitty takes a long time to warm up to them.

but what does help is the way holster always lets bitty know he’s there before he gets too close (sometimes bitty is in the zone in the kitchen and doesn’t notice things like his teammates entering), and the way he doesn’t friendly-punch bitty like he does ransom. or jack. or shitty. or even lardo honestly nobody’s safe. except bitty is.

holster is also definitely responsible for putting some of bitty’s favorite songs on the kegster playlist and bitty definitely finds out and his heart warms a little more

and once bitty’s come out to ransom and holster and they don’t treat him any differently or weirdly and still profess their love for him when he bakes things without a single no homo, bitty finds himself hanging around with them a little more?

ransom likes to study in the attic without distractions so that means that bitty and holster wind up spending a lot more time together and listen. bitty can’t spend that much time with holster without noticing that the guy is a) extremely tall b) ripped and c) has an excellent jawline. and bitty is only human y’all

when he plays music in the kitchen holster will always dance (and sing along if he knows the words, or enough of the words to get them wrong in a funny way because bitty’s laugh sounds like angels singing and okay yeah holster is smitten)

holster Cannot make pies because he cannot touch pastry, bitty forbids him from trying before he even asks because his hands are too warm and he’ll fuck it all up. (holster, internally, is pleased bitty’s noticed. bitty, internally, is like fuck was that too weird) BUT if holster is in there he usually gets dragged into stirring things or chopping things or handing bitty sticks of butter from the fridge and basically whatever he can do without fucking up the pastry

and a while after that holster is like hang on wait it’s been a while since i realized i had a crush on bitty and it has Not gone away should i like. i don’t know. fucking tell him i’m into guys or something like that?? that would be smart

this is more how they get together than a list of headcanons LMAO i always get distracted and this is so fucking long omg

so he’s like rans. how do i do this. and ransom is like you should blast gettin’ bi from crazy ex girlfriend and holster is like weird. i love it.

other things holster does to subtly let bitty know he’s bi: loudly discuss his plans for going to pride that summer, make a lot of bi puns and hope one of them lands, show bitty funny posts from the lgbtq+ samwell student group on facebook

eventually bitty is like . hm. holster is either a VERY supportive ally. or he is trying to tell me something. and after the 80th bi meme post from the facebook group he’s like holster. hon. are you trying to tell me something

and holster is like YES. I AM BISEXUAL and bitty’s like oh that’s great!! (internally: can i climb him like a tree yet)

and then bitty’s like well thanks for telling me! and holster is like uh yeah! (because listen he’s good at wheeling but he is SO bad at wheeling bitty because this isn’t just someone cute he found at a kegster u know??? it’s BITTY and holster kind of wants to sweep him off his feet but in like. a gentlemanly way that won’t scare him)

when holster relates this interaction to ransom ransom is like oh my fucking god holster you could have told him and holster is like yeah and i did not for some fucking reason???????? ransom. i’m dumb and ransom is like no you just caught feelings

(bitty, to shitty: hey so uh. if a guy aggressively hints he’s into guys for like. a month. and then when i ask him straight out he tells me he’s bi. what does that mean. and shitty’s like i mean i wouldn’t know unless i know the guy?? but i wouldn’t ask u to tell me bc like. hes gotta choose who he’s out to u know and bitty’s like yeah i mean u know him but maybe i’ll ask him who else he’s out to bc i need some advice and shitty is like hell yeah)

the next day, bitty’s like holster are u out to anyone else?? just bc the team seems kinda. hetero. except for me. and holster is like oh yeah rans knows and shitty knows. also johnson. and jack if he’s not stupid because i’ve definitely had guys stay over. but mostly just the guys in the haus yeah

then they go to murder stop ‘n shop and buy baking ingredients. holster carries a metric fuck ton of flour and butter and pretends he doesn’t notice bitty staring at his arms (but he might flex just a little more than necessary)

so bitty’s like EXCELLENT. and then he talks to shitty again and is like IT’S HOLSTER AND I’M SUPER INTO HIM WHAT DO I DO and shitty’s like hooooo boy. and then HE’S like well uh. holster doesn’t like. feel the need to formally come out to people usually like the way he told me was by just telling me about a guy he hooked up with last year with zero context or warning? like i don’t know holster as well as, like, rans, but he definitely wants you specifically to know that he’s bi.

and bitty’s like intriguing. i’m gonna go combust now. and shitty’s like cool catch ya later.

so then bitty decides there’s only one way to find out if holster’s into him. and it’s not asking him, what the fuck?? no obviously not. it’s wearing very short shorts and touching him a lot and watching him to see if he blushes or gets flustered. bitty may not be a blunt or forthright person when it comes to hitting on people but he can at least make it impossible for holster to try and hide any feelings he may or may not have.

so rip holster is what i’m saying. but he also observes how much bitty is still watching him-- usually when bitty is doing something like wearing very short shorts or dancing at a kegster or flinging himself into holster’s lap-- and he’s like HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. because also holster is like way more experienced with like. relationships in general? like he’s familiar with what someone flirting with him looks like. so he’s like alright well if bitty wants to make me suffer i’m going to make him suffer too. (’rans can i borrow your skinny jeans’ ‘is this so you can get back at bitty’ ‘yes it’s important’ ‘yeah sure whatever’)

holster knows he’s jacked, he just has to make sure bitty knows it. he also knows that bitty is comfortable with holster standing pretty close to him now so he’s going to use that to his advantage since holster is also tall as Fuck. (obviously he doesn’t do anything creepy like stand right behind him or smth but like. if they’re talking. holster is gonna get just a little in bitty’s space just so bitty has to look up at him a little. is this partially because bitty has really nice eyelashes? yeah)

basically what i’m saying is once holster decides to get back at bitty all hell breaks loose. literally nobody else in the haus can deal with the sexual tension when they’re in the same room. bitty is now pretty sure that holster is into him. shitty texts bitty saying ‘can you please bone for the love of god’. for good measure shitty also texts holster saying the same thing. he’s so tired but also this is hilarious

like it gets EXTRA. bitty and holster can both bend and snap and they DO. holster intentionally spills water on his t-shirt to make it cling more. when he sits at the kitchen table doing work bitty comes by and leans over his shoulder to see what he’s doing and if he brushes holster’s neck a little as he does it, well, that’s between them. at one point holster and bitty are both standing at the counter washing dishes and holster starts chirping bitty about not being able to reach the top shelf and asks if he wants to stand on a chair and bitty’s like hmm or you could just carry me. and holster almost has a conniption and it gets even worse when they finish washing up and bitty’s like oh great the counter’s all cleared off! and hops up and sits on it and that gets his face a little closer, vertically, to holster, who is suddenly aware that bitty is wearing very short shorts AGAIN, which like, seem to have become his uniform, and that when bitty sits like that holster can barely see those shorts, that’s how tiny they are, and it looks like bitty’s just sitting there in a shirt and nothing else and holster’s brain supplies a LOT of images once he thinks of that and hoo boy.

and holster’s like how can i get back at him. and bitty’s sitting right next to the hanging cabinets so holster grabs some of the plates from the drying rack that look dry enough and goes and stands *right* in front of bitty. like he’s not actually brushing bitty’s legs where they dangle off the counter but if he stepped forward like. half an inch. he would be. and they make eye contact for a second and then, without moving, holster starts putting plates away.

and bitty is like oh my fucking god WHAT else do i have to do (he doesn’t say this out loud) and then when holster’s done putting away the plates and it looks like he’s going to go grab more bitty just. wraps his legs around holster’s waist and pulls him in (and holster is like holy FUCK because he knew bitty’s legs were strong but not THAT STRONG HOLY SHIT) and at this point there’s really nothing else for them to do but make out at the kitchen counter and that’s what they do. (bitty does, in fact, climb that man like a tree)

okay so some actual headcanons lol. you thought you knew bitty was a clothes stealing fiend?? you were wrong. he absolutely is but you just didn’t know how much. does holster still have literally any of his sweatshirts? probably not honestly

the only way bitty will sit on the green couch will be if holster is sitting on the green couch and bitty is sitting in his lap because that way he can avoid any actual contact with the couch

when bitty makes anything with blueberries in it holster steals some but he also feeds bitty some because he’s mushy like that

they continue to go to extreme lengths to try and get each other flustered in public. shitty is so tired.

they share playlists constantly and even more of bitty’s favorites find their way onto the kegster playlist

when bitty moves into the haus holster is in his room c o n s t a n t l y. he just likes the space ok??? there’s lil reminders of bitty everywhere and of course if bitty is there too then that’s just the BEST

the puck bunny halloween costume physically murders adam birkholtz

[arsenicpanda]

what are your sexuality headcanons for rvd?

Ooh, I am bad at picking things in some cases, but let’s give this a try with the series regulars and then characters who I actually have an opinion on, which isn’t going to be all of them, there are so many.  Gonna remember to put this under a cut for once!

Archie: Bi, very bi, although you could sell me on “Archie is seriously struggling with heteronormativity and is actually gay”, partially because it tracks and partially because it’d be such a great twist on the standard narrative with Archie.  “Betty or Veronica?” no no no, my friend, the reason he “can’t decide” is that he is gay and lying to himself, so give him a boyfriend.  I mean, give him a boyfriend regardless, but still.

Veronica: THE MOST BI.  The most bi energy I have EVER SEEN without stating “oh, she’s bi, bi the way.”  When will I learn about the time she and Katy Keene made out at a slumber party?  Tell me about Veronica’s gay awakening.  WHERE IS HER GIRLFRIEND???  Can I have Veronica/Cheryl/Toni as an endgame?  Like, I like Archie/Reggie/Veronica most, but that is also a solid ship.

Jughead: 100% demisexual.  Like, you cannot convince me otherwise.  He might also be bi, but I honestly can’t get a read on that because he is interested solely in Betty in canon.

Betty: Hot take: also demisexual.  Betty has only shown interest in her life-long friends in canon, and I cannot imagine her being attracted to someone she hasn’t formed a bond with already.  Again, maybe also additionally bi, but definitely demisexual.  C’mon, you know I’m right.

Kevin: Gay, obviously, that’s just canon.

Cheryl: I KNEW SHE WAS A LESBIAN ON MY SECOND WATCH.  I was mainly just along for the ride on my first watch, but by my second I knew.  Canon only confirmed this in season 3, but that moment when Veronica and Kevin are all “ooo, James Dean, swoon” and Cheryl is like “BUT ABOUT JASON” just made me go “?? Lesbian??”, especially when you add in, idk, every scene she has with Veronica in season 1?  So yes, she’s a lesbian and I called it.

Josie: I honestly couldn’t tell you?  Josie doesn’t get a lot of screentime, so it’s hard to say.   Like, she’s definitely interested in men, but the gay moments she has with Cheryl are tainted by the stalking, and Veronica’s huge bi levels could be driving Josie’s moments with her, and I can’t get a read on her scenes with Valerie.  So you know what, I’m gonna take my trouble deciding and say that she’s bi-curious and figuring herself out.

Toni: Canonically bi with a preference for women.  Although, hot take: Toni’s biggest preference is for people who loudly declare who they are and then act accordingly, with bonus points for being grumpy and kind of crazy.

Reggie: Bi.  Have you seen his scenes with Veronica?  More importantly, have you seen his scenes with Archie?  Do you remember when he was jealous of Munroe’s friendship with Archie in 4b but then they bonded and it was very gay?  Because I do, I remember.  Also, “two straight guys doing theatre” LIES, Reggie, LIES.

Joaquin: Canonically gay, moving on.

Fangs: Canonically bi, moving on.

Sweet Pea: The Serpents are allergic to straight people and he both dated Josie and clearly had a crush on Jughead, he’s bi.

Bret: The most closeted gay man struggling with his desire for Jughead to fuck him.

Donna: Too busy for this shit, but if she had time, a lesbian, mayyyyyyybe bi with a strong preference for women, but I have my doubts.

Munroe: Gay or bi, definitely crushing on Archie.

Dilton: Gay and secretly crushing on Jughead, you know I’m right.

Valerie: Straight? Bi? Unclear!

Jason: Dead, but also unclear.

Polly: Straight.

Ethel: Straight?

Oh right, Parentdale

Fred: Bi?  Maybe?  Straight?  Gay?  Unclear!  Fred is such a dad that pairing him with anyone, even the people canon tries to pair him with, makes me go “mmmmmmm, sounds fake tho.”  I will admit that he and FP has some very gay moments though, that is 100% true.

Mary: Bi or a lesbian who married the best man in Riverdale while pretending to be straight.

Alice: Tells herself she’s straight, may or may not be.  Seems to dislike every man she’s been with, but also seems to dislike everyone she’s ever met, so it’s unclear.  But she definitely made out with Gladys once, I’m just saying.

Hal: Straight.

FP: Look, Fred confuses me, but FP is definitely bi.

Gladys: Bi, has a thing for dumb men.

Hiram: Too busy being evil for me to tell.  Has had sex with women and has weird homoerotic energy with Archie, but otherwise a mystery.

Hermione: Maybe straight?  Maybe bi?  Maybe a lesbian?  I know she was into Fred, but he is the safest man to be interested in.  And her relationship with Hiram is all over the place.  I know nothing about Hermione in general, so it only fits that I can’t get a read on her.

Penelope: All over the damn place.  I cannot tell when she is using someone and when she is actually feeling something.  She seems to lie about literally everything in her life, so what do I believe?  Hates men in general and every man she’s been with specifically, but also, like Alice, seems to hate people in general.  Actually, you know, what, hot take: lesbian and takes all her own internalized homophobia out on her daughter.  Although, a man-hating lesbian is so cliche, so maybe not?  Penelope, tell me your secrets, I want to know them.

Tom Keller: Straight???  We really don’t see him interact with many people.

Sierra McCoy: Straight??????  We don’t see her interact with many people her own age.

And I think that’s the end of my hot takes.

[enbyleighlines]

mushipper713 replied to your post “Hey I’m looking for an 18+ mdzs rp partner to help me survive the...”

Tell me about these ships please X3

Of course!! I will happily gush about my otps until the end of days~

(FYI all of the following pictures are taken from official art from the donghua, manhua, and audio drama.)

#1: Lan Wangji / Wei Wuxian:

Also known as “wangxian”, this ship is the main canonical couple for mo dao zu shi! Lan Wangji is the taller guy in white and blue, whereas Wei Wuxian is the shorter guy in black and red. They are very much an opposites attract sort of couple. Lan Wangji is a strict, law-abiding man, who likes his routines, his studies, and his peace and quiet. Whereas Wei Wuxian is a mischievous prankster with a hero complex that compels him to rush headlong into danger. Surprisingly, although Wei Wuxian was always teasing Lan Wangji when they were teenagers, Lan Wangji developed a crush on his tormentor, and has been hopelessly pining after Wei Wuxian for about eighteen years. Unfortunately, Lan Wangji is REALLY bad with expressing emotions (I personally headcanon Lan Wangji as autistic, because he’s also fairly semi-verbal), so for most of those years Wei Wuxian thought Lan Wangji absolutely hated his guts.

After Wei Wuxian dies and comes back to life (not a spoiler, I promise, this is the premise of the entire story, scene one begins with Wei Wuxian’s resurrection), Lan Wangji just spoils Wei Wuxian like mad because he’s just so glad that he got a second chance to be Wei Wuxian’s friend

They’re honestly one of the cutest fictional couples I’ve come across in a long time. Their ship has everything: childhood friends, enemies to lovers, slow burn, unrequited love, hurt/comfort, etc.

#2: queerplatonic Wei Wuxian / Wen Ning:

So this ship involves Wei Wuxian (from ship #1) with his zombie bff Wen Ning, who is a literal cinnamon roll. Despite being what is known as a “fierce corpse”, Wen Ning is actually a nervous bug who just wants to help others. However, Wen Ning does have a fierce loyalty to Wei Wuxian, who stood up for him once when he was being publicly shamed by his sect. I like the idea of Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian developing a semi-platonic, semi-romantic relationship, so he can continue to third wheel for the rest of his afterlife.

#3.1: Jiang Cheng / Wen Qing:

So this is kind of an odd one! That is to say, it’s not a particularly popular ship. They don’t even really interact, except in the live action, which deviates so much from the original story that it’s really it’s own separate thing. But I personally really like their dynamic! They’ve very similar characters. Jiang Cheng (the purple guy) is temperamental, overly competitive, and extremely hard working. Wen Qing (the girl in red) is similarly headstrong, short tempered, and devoted to her career. Unfortunately, they don’t have a chance to have a happy ending in canon. Sect rivalries get in the way, but that only makes me want it more. I love divergent fics where these two wind up working together. Many of those fics involve a political marriage, to cease war between their sects. And of course that marriage of convenience always turns into real love! Maybe it’s a cliche but I don’t care, it’s so good!

Ship #3.2: Jiang Cheng / Nie Huaisang:

This is a slightly more popular pairing for the ye olde sour grape (Jiang Cheng). This ship pairs Jiang Cheng with resident cowardly lion Nie Huaisang, an effeminate guy with an eye for fine art and a slight flair for the dramatic. The two were friends in school, but have since grown apart. Again, the main appeal of this ship is the whole opposites attract thing. However, I like both chengqing (Jiang Cheng / Wen Qing) and sangcheng (Jiang Cheng / Nie Huaisang), so of course I said “fuck it, Jiang Cheng should date both”.

Jiang Cheng notably has some very strict guidelines when it comes to the ideal woman he wants to marry: “naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation [magic] level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling [his nephew] nicely.” I think it’s neat that half of these could apply to Wen Qing, while the other half could apply to Nie Huaisang: Wen Qing is naturally beautiful, Nie Huaisang is graceful and obedient, Wen Qing is hard-working and thrifty, Nie Huaisang comes from a respected family, and his magic level isn’t too high, Wen Qing’s personality is not too strong, she’s not too talkative, and her voice is not too loud. And finally, I think both of them would treat Jiang Cheng’s nephew nicely.

Also, there’s just something so delectable about the idea of Jiang Cheng having a very effeminate boyfriend and a very masculine girlfriend.

And last, but not least, ship #4: Jin Zixuan / Jiang Yanli:

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli (ship name: xuanli) are an especially adorable married couple in the story. Jiang Yanli is the elder sister to both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and while they are both hard-headed and loud, Jiang Yanli is quiet and serene, but with an iron backbone. She stands up for what is right, even when it scares her half to death to do so. She also likes to dote on people. Jin Zixuan is the rich guy she was betrothed to from childhood. She’s loved him since the beginning, but he didn’t always love her. See, Jin Zixuan is a spoiled brat, who is as prideful as a peacock. He thought that any women who showed interest in him was only after his money, so he keeps all women at arm’s length. But surprise! Jiang Yanli liked Jin Zixuan for his personality all along. And once Jin Zixuan realizes that, he grows to love her in turn.

A lot of people will tell you that Jiang Yanli “deserves better”, and while I think that’s true in general, I don’t know if that applies to Jin Zixuan. Despite his inflated ego, he’s actually a pretty good guy. I can’t tell you why without getting into spoilers, but trust me when I say that there’s more to him than meets the eye.

Aaaaaaaand, that’s it! Those are my top four ships for mo dao zu shi!

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 65)

"Beers, Cheers & Unexpected Tears"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3

@lovemythsworld

@crystalbaby12

The After Party is raging. The music is loud as shots are flowing. Everyone is laughing and congratulating each other.

Luna and Ashley are changing to join them when Luna notices a singular text amongst dozens. It's from an unknown number.

"Seen U 2nite little one 😛"

"This motherfucker and his burner phones." She thinks, deciding not to delete it this time in case Colson asks. She blocks the new number again and pockets her phone. Luna has a boyfriend to enjoy.

--------------------------------------------------

As soon as he sees her, Colson pulls Luna close. "I'm so fucking proud of you, Kitten. The way you and Ash changed it up was beautiful." He places his hands on the back of her head and back. Kissing her deeply. Any thoughts of Tommy disappearing.

"Thanks for including Case. She had a ball." He tells her, while still holding her.

Luna looks around to spot the little girl, goofing off with Benny and Slim. She smiles as she looks back up at him. "Of course! It wouldn't have been the same without her. Did you see what she drew?" She asks him.

"Yeah, I told you she was hella smart." He answers proudly.

"She must get it from Em." Luna teases him.

"Shut up." He laughs, kissing her again.

"Remind me to grab it before we leave, please. I wanna frame it for her."

"She's so fucking amazing." Colson thinks holding onto her as she rests in his arms.

They're interrupted by Rook. "This is for you." He tells Luna handing her a shot.

Laughing, she easily swallows it whole.

"Where's mine?" Colson complains.

"Bring your asses on then, bitches." Rook jokes.

Luna kisses Colson once more before they follow behind Rook. Luna's grandmother grabs her hand, pulling her back as Colson proceeds on.

"Oh, Luna, you and Ashley were WONDERFUL!! I love how you stripped it down. I feel like it made your message clearer to some who may not have gotten it originally." Patti praises her.

"Thanks Mom-Mom. I didn't think of it that way." She admits before asking her if she'd like another drink.

"I would!!" Joni interrupts them, laughing as she shakes her empty glass. She grabs Luna for a tight hug, making sharp pain shoot through Luna's already pounding shoulder. Pulling back from her, Joni says "You did so great, Luna Bug! I'm so proud of you." before squeezing her tight again.

Luna grins at the old nickname, hugging Joni back and thanking her. Taking the woman's glass, she says "I'll grab you a refill. 7&7?" She asks, to Joni's nod. She already knew. "Mom-Mom?" She asks before heading to the bar.

"I'm okay for the moment, Loons. Thank you though." Pattie says  before Luna makes her way off.

--------------------------------------------

Before hitting the bar, Luna stops into the bathroom. Working quickly she crushes up a few percs to bang them. Her shoulder is killing her and she knows between the happiness and hugs, it's only gonna get worse.

-------------------------------------------

"SHOTS!!!!!" Pete hollers, gathering everyone around, as Luna slips back in. "To a great show, great performance and most of all GREAT family!!!!

"CHEERS!!" They all shout as the raise their glasses. Slamming them in celebration.

--------------------------------------------

Everyone is having a good time, mixing with each other. Music and laughter floating through the room. Pete is busting it up with Kate, Colson and Rook. Benny, Baze and Slim are getting more drinks, mixing with the cast and crew. Dom and Ashley talk to Patti and Joni.

--------------------------------------------

"You girls were extraordinary!!" Patti raves at Ashley, after hugging her and Dom warmly. She had met Dom during Christmas, Ashley bringing him to Christmas Eve dinner.

"Thank you so much, Mom-Mom. You know your opinion means the world to me." Ashley beams. She has a great relationship with Luna's grandmother.

They continue talking about upcoming Nightmare performances, life and the album Ashley's working on. Patti watching adoringly as Dom gushes over his girlfriend. Delighted her girls have finally found men who seem to be deserving of them.

Luna drops off Joni's drink without interrupting the conversation. Looking around the same room, she finds Casie sitting and talking with Ashleigh. "Hey Dilla!!" She calls to her with a smile.

Casie looks up, grinning at Luna. She walks over to them and squats down as the little girl jumps into her arms full force. Both Ashleigh and Luna laugh.

"Yup. Percocets." Luna thinks, still feeling a slight throb. Yet, it's much better then it was.

"That was so much fun!" Casie exclaims. Kissing Luna on the cheek and squeezing her tight.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Dilla!!" Luna beams at her, giving her another hug. "Do you have your picture? I wanna save it for you."

"Really!! THANK YOU!!" Casie dives into her again. "I'm gonna go get it!!" The little girl shouts over her shoulder as she runs off.

Colson is watching Luna and Casie. Feeling buzzed, plus overly happy and grateful for his girls, he prepares himself. "Here goes..." He thinks walking over to Pattie.

Luna is still sitting with Ashleigh. "You guys were great!!! It was really cool for you to involve Casie." She says as she smiles at Luna.

"Thanks." Luna smiles back. "I thought it was important, since she was in the video and everything, you know?"

Ashleigh nods. She likes Luna, always has. As she watches her with Colson and Casie, getting to know her better, she likes her even more.

"I'm just glad Emma thought it was just as cool..." Luna continues.

"You guys get along well, don't you?" Ashleigh asks her.

"Oh yeah, Em's fantas...." She's interrupted by a jumping Casie.

"Here it is!!!" She proudly displays her art to Luna and Ashleigh.

Luna takes it from her, saying "I'm gonna put it in my dressing room to keep it safe." as she stands up.

"Okay!!" Casie says, trusting Luna completely. "C'mon Ash!!! I wanna show you something cool!" She tells her, pulling her out of her seat.

"Byeeee..." Both women grin at each other.

As Luna heads to her dressing room, Colson walks over to Pattie and Joni. Ashley and Dom are now over with Pete and Kate. Approaching them, Colson has butterflies in his stomach.

"Fuck.... Fuck.... Fuck.... Get it together Kells." He tries to calm himself down. He's been thinking about this for the last few days. Not knowing when he'll see Pattie again, he tells himself to "Shoot your shot."

"Hello ladies." Colson greets Patti and Joni with his boyish grin.

"How are you, Dear?" Patti asks him with a hug. He hugs Joni also as they praise the performance.

Colson blushes while thanking them but stating humbly that it was all Luna and Ashley.

This makes Patti smile. She likes Colson. Respecting him as a man, parent and an artist. Appreciating how he cares and interacts with her granddaughter and absolutely adoring Casie.

"Do mind if I speak with you for a moment, Patti?" He asks her. There's a slight tremble to his voice.

Taking her cue, Joni heads off to mingle with the other young boys.

"Is everything ok, Colson?" The older woman asks him delicately.

Cheeks flushed, he looks away as he begins to rub his hand on the back of his head. "Yes ma'am." He answers, looking back at her.

"Spit it out, Honey." Patti encourages him.

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck." His mind races.

Looking around, he asks if she'd like to sit. She tells him No. That what she would like is for him to talk to her. Patti listens and watches him intensely as he begins to speak.

Her directness reminds him of Luna. "The apple doesn't fall far from that tree." The thought slipping into his mind.

"I uh, I.." Colson stutters. Closing his eyes, he musters up the same courage he found the night he met Luna.

"I love your granddaughter, Patti. I love everything about her. Her strongwill, her kindness, how she loves Casie and Casie loves her. The two of them mean everything in the world to me." He's rambling. "I know it's been a short time and you may think I'm crazy but I don't know what I would do without her. She makes me a better man and even though she doesn't need it, I have this insane urge to protect her." He sighs, looking down at the ground then back up at Patti. "I know it's Luna's choice and being who she is, I don't even know if she'll say yes or when I'll ask but...." He trails off as he inhales deeply. "I'd like to marry her one day and it's important to me how you feel about it."

Colson is nervously waiting for Patti's response. A soft smile spreads over her face. In the seven years Luna had dated and lived with Justin, he had never approached Patti in this capacity.

"When's her birthday?" She asks him. Deciding to have a bit of fun with first.

"July 16,1992." He answers without hesitating.

"What's her biggest fear?" The first was clearly too easy.

"Fame and deep sea diving." Colson states, postive of his answer. This impresses her grandmother.

"Luna's middle name?" Patti knows she hates it and tells very few.

Colson grins, feeling confident. "Adelaide."

Patti decides to dig deeper. "If she asked, would you sign a pre-nup?" Thinking of Luna's inheritance and the rights to both her and Robert's catalogs.

"No doubt." He nods his head, the thought never popping into his mind.

Patti has one last question. "What if she doesn't want to have kids? Would you be okay with that?" This one is very important.

Colson's eyes soften. "Then that's okay. We've talked about her not knowing if she wants to or not. I want you to know, I don't love your granddaughter for what she can or can't give me. I love her for who she is. All parts of her. The independence, the stubborness, the unpredictableness. All of it. Besides, we have Casie." He shrugs lightly.

Patti takes his hand and squeezes it. "She's lucky to have found you. You'll make a great partner. Whether she let's you marry her or not." She tells him kindly.

It takes a minute for it to register with Colson. Once it does, he asks Patti excitedly "Does this means what I think it means!??" Blue eyes bright.

Patti nods as Colson lifts her up for a tight hug. She's laughing when he puts her down.

"Thank you! Thank you!" He says taking both her hands before hugging her again and kissing her cheek. Promising her she has nothing to worry about. That he'll never waver from Luna's side. Married or not.

"Go get her, Kiddo." She tells him with a wink. He kisses her cheek again before asking if she needs anything.

"Go have fun." She tells him with a pleased smile. He thanks her again sincerely before going to check on. Casie.

"What was that?" Joni asks moseying over to her bestfriend.

"He just asked for my granddaughter's hand in marriage." Patti tells her with a pleased look with a mix of amusement.

"I guess chivalry isn't dead." Joni muses, spipping her cocktail, watching the next generation with hope.

Coming back from her dressing room, Luna heads over to Pete, Kate, Ashley and Dom. She doesn't see Colson walking over to them. Casie is now with her grandmother and Joni. Ashleigh is talking with Kenan as The Boys still mixing with the cast and crew.

"Yo! Tonight was epic!" Pete says. Raising his glass, he toasts "To the baddest bitches I know, changing the world one song at a time!" The five of them laugh through their "CHEERS!!"

"I'm always fucking missing out on drinks tonight!" Colson complains with a laugh as he slides his arm around Luna's waist.

"Poor Bunny." Luna leans up, barely reaching his cheek to kiss it. He gives her a boost by the ass. She then turns and grabs him a fresh Rolling Rock off the bar.

"A1, Day 1!" He laughs again while bending down to kiss her.

"So how long have you guys been together?" Kate asks Luna.

"Almost 10yrs in their minds!" Pete teases them to Luna's smirking, rolled eyes and everyone else's laughter.

"No, for real, a little over a month?" Colson answers, looking at Luna to double check.

She shrugs, "Yeah, about a that." She agrees, touching the padlock around her neck.

"Wow, you guys are really in sync with each other." Kate admires.

Luna and Colson exchange that One Look before a quick kiss. "I'm gonna check on Case, come on Pete." He coaxes his friend. Dom had already wondered off towards The Boys.

Ashley, Kate and Luna continue to talk. The bestfriends asking how Kate and Pete met. It wa by random, at a coffee shop in MidTown. Kate asks about Yellowhammer.com and their activism in AL. The girls explaining their work with the ACLU and Planned Parenthood. Kate's quit impressed. She loves how outspoken, motivated and fearless they are as young women. They continue to laugh as they get to know each other better. Ashley deciding she likes Kate. Luna already coming to the same conclusion. Kate's smart and funny. She's also really sweet and mature. Not some little kid who's going to play with their friend's heart.

"Oh, Petey!!!" It's so good to see you, Lovey!!" Patti hugs Pete as he squeezes her back tight.

"Glad you could make it, Pat!" He says with a huge smile as he leans to greet and kiss Joni too.

"How's your mother?" Pat asks him. He responds with a 'GREAT' before Pat tells him to have her call so they can have lunch soon.  Complaining how she feels like it's been ages since she's seen her friend. He agrees happily.

"Tell me about this lovely woman you have with you..." Patti changes the subject

Colson laughs as Pete turns as red as a tomato. He's saved by Casie.

"Dad can I stay the night with Ms. Patti and Ms. Joni? We're gonna have a sleep over...." She asks excitedly, looking up at the nodding women beaming down at her.

"Uh... Let's ask Luna." He tells her before calling out "BROOKLYYYN!!" into the crowded room.

His voice makes Luna smile as she turns to find him. He's with Pete, Casie, Joni and her Mom-Mom. Him and Pete are waving her and Kate over.

"Looks like girlfriend duties call!" Ashley laughs. She goes to find Dom as the other women walk over to where they're being summoned.

"Hello, how are you this evening?" Patti asks of Kate with an inviting. Before she can answer, Casie interrupts them.

"Can I spend the night, Looney!? Can I spend the night???" She's jumping up and down.

"Where at, Dilla?" She looks at Colson confused.

"Ms. Patti's. We're gonna have a slumber party with Ms. Joni!!" She explains as she's about to burst.

Colson shrugs and Patti nods when Luna looks at them. "You don't have any clothes...."

"Clothes, smlothes." Her grandmother tells her. "She can sleep in one of my old band Ts. You guys come by tomorrow with fresh clothes and we'll all go out to brunch before you leave again." Patti has it all planned out.

Luna laughs in agreeance, knowing her Mom-Mom had an ulterior motive.

"It's settled then. Why don't you collect your things and say your goodbyes while I talk to Petey." The old woman tells the little girl.

"Petey?" Casie smirks with a laugh. Skipping away she sings

🎶Petey, Petey such a little sweetie🎶

The adults laugh as Luna and Colson follow behind her. Pete going on to finish introducing Kate to Patti and Joni.

"It's an honor." Kate states in awe of the musical legends.

"Ooohhh... I like her." Joni says as they all laugh.

They enjoy polite conversation, Joni recognizing Kate from Pearl Harbor, asking what it was like to work with a young Ben Affleck. Kate laughs sliding her hand into Pete's, saying that they're good friends

Meeting up with Benny, Rook, Ashley, Dom, Slim, Ashleigh and Baze across the room, Casie tells them about her epic night plans as she kisses and hugs them all goodbye. Benny offering to walk Casie, Patti and Joni out to Luna's gratitude.

Heading back to her grandmother, Luna introduces Patti to Benny. "He's gonna walk you guys out. And I don't wanna hear it, Mom-Mom. It's late and you'll have Case with you." Knowing her grandmother's protests of independence.

Listening to her granddaughter, Patti thanks Benny for being a gentleman. Luna kisses and hugs her grandmother and aunt as Colson squeezes Casie goodbye.

They switch off. Colson hugging Patti while whispering 'Thank You' in the old rebel's ear before taking Joni's hand, thanking her for coming and kissing her lightly on the cheek. The two women are smitten by the charismatic young man.

Luna squeezes Casie, telling her to have fun and that she loves her. The little girl grins, saying she will and that she loves Luna too as she squeezes her tight again.

Standing up, Casie turns to Benny, imitating her father "WE OUT!!" she shouts. Erupting the adults into laughter again.

Luna grabs her grandmother's hand, telling her she loves her and to call if she has a problem. Patti squeezes her hand back, reassuring the young woman that they'll be fine. Admiring this new look on Luna.

As they leave, Colson leads Luna over to everyone else by the small of her back. "WE READY TO FUCKING PARTY!!! He shouts as the room erupts.

More drinks are ordered, music bumps and the laughter is contagious. Congratulations still making their rounds.

"Yo! You guys were fire!!" Slim compliments Ashley and Luna.

"Yeah, the way you guys stripped that shit down and then had us come in hard was fucking GENIUS!!" Baze agrees.

Luna and Ashley look at each other beaming.

"We couldn't done any of it without you guys. Seriously, all off you. From playing on it to producing it. This OUR baby, so THANK YOU GUYS!!" Luna lifts her glass. "To family!"

"TO FAMILY!!" They all cheers.

"I have to say, great song, phenomenal performance from you all, BUT, Case stole the show." Ashleigh laughs.

"That girl is smart as a whip!" Benny agrees. "You got your hands full Kells!" He laughs.

"FACTS!!" Rook chimes in, nudging Luna. "You ready for a crazy pre-teen because she's coming our way soon."

Colson overhears them. "That motherfucker better not scare her away." Thinking how he jumped the Patti hurdle, he doesn't need an imaginary one blocking his way to Luna.

"Enh, she's a great kid." Looking at their group, she laughs, "There's not much here for her to rebel against." Rook laughs with her as Luna shrugs and continues "Plus, both Colson and I were bad ass kids. Whatever she may slide passed Emma, she's deff not getting through the two of us."

She looks over and winks at Colson who's staring at her.

"FUCK I LOVE HER." Is all he can think.

Dancing, laughing and drinking, the night carries on. Shots be downed together all over the room.

"To the two chicks I know with balls bigger than most dudes. NOT MINE THO!!" A drunken Slim laughs loudly, cheersing The Girls. Slamming another round with Luna, Ashley and Benny.

Glancing over her shoulder, Luna sees devious Colson and Pete standing in the doorway.

She walks up to them. Before she can all what they're up to, they attack her. Trapping her tiny body between they're two tall, lanky ones.

Rocking her back and forth between the two of them, they sing laughing.

🎶We got a drunken Moon Pie🎶

🎶Not gonna let her get by🎶

Drunk and shocked. With her body bouncing off of them, Luna's bursts into fits of laughter as she begs them to stop.

🎶Even when she asks why🎶

🎶Cuz she's our drunken Moon Pie🎶

They keep shaking her till their song is over. Dizzy from her weird ride, Luna clings to Colson to catch find her balance.

"You guys are fucking maniacs." She laughs, resting her face on Colson's chest. "How long you been planning that?" She asks sarcastically.

"Five WHOLE minutes." Pete tells her, scrunching his face up. "Be careful, or we'll do it again." He warns playfully, sticking his tongue out.

"Is this what I have to live with now?" Luna drops her arms from around Colson. Looking between the two of them with a miffed look on her face.

"Yup." Colson and Pete say in unison, grinning at each other.

🎶We gotta...🎶 They go to start again before she springs out of their grasps.

"Fuck you guys." She laughs, trotting away.

Pete goes to find Kate as Colson chases after Luna, scooping her up from behind. She squeals as he kisses all over the back of her neck. Both are drunk.

"Ready to go?" He asks her. It's close to 3A.

"Yeah, I gotta grab my stuff first." She agrees.

Colson rallies up the bunch while Luna runs to her dressing room. Everyone's going back to the brownstone. Including Dom & Ashley and Pete & Kate. Benny offers to take Luna's bag and Casie's poster. She thanks him with a peck on the cheek.

"WE OUT!" Colson shouts as Luna runs up and jumps onto his back. Even caught off gaurd, he catches her easily.

"HIGH HO SILVER AND AWAY!!" Luna shouts from on top of him.

"You're so fucking weird!!" He laughs as their rowdy group makes their way through the empty building.

"YOOOOOOU LOVE IT!!!" She continues to drunkenly yell. Making him laugh harder.

--------------------------------------------

Back at the brownstone, they find Cards Against Humanity. Rook puts on  music. Ashley clears off the kitchen table for Colson, Pete and Slim to start rolling joints. Luna grabs everyone beers while Ashleigh and Kate find snacks. Baze helps Dom set up the game. And Benny's searching for food on his phone. The Stay Fresh is delivering to everyone's drunken, hungry roars. They order a shit ton of wings, mozzarella sticks, cheese fries and more beer.

It doesn't take long for the food to arrive. Munching and drinking, the group passes around joints while they play the game. All of them are drunk and can hardly contain themselves.

Rook laughing hard enough, he falls out of his chair onto the floor. Luna almost losing a mozzarella stick out of her mouth from laughing at him. Colson snorting as he laughs loudly at them both. Everyone else laughing at one of the three of them.

They're so fucked up and distracted, they don't even finish the game. Hanging out, they one by two disappear. Leaving Benny asleep at the kitchen table.

Luna feels bad but Colson reassures her that he's immovable. To leave him be.

--------------------------------------------

Making out on the bed, Colson pulls away from Luna. His drunk eyes stare into hers with fear. He sometimes becomes emotionally vulnerable when he gets really wasted.

"Do you feel alright?" Luna asks, hoping to catch a smile from him. She does but it's tiny and weak as he rolls into his back. "Talk to me Colson." She shifts on her side, stroking his hair.

Staring at the ceiling, he let's out a sigh before telling her "I can't shake this Tommy thing."

"Oooohh Boy." Luna thinks. She's drunk and tired. The sun is coming up and all she really wants to do is fuck and sleep.

"What can't you shake?" She lays her head on his chest, facing him.

"Why you would cheat with him and not me." He tells her quietly.

Luna closes her eyes, trying to keep her patience with him. Sitting up, she climbs on top of him. Placing herself on his groin.

"Because when we seen each other, I was very much in love with Justin. We were still new, intimate, engaged in each..." She looks away, closing her eyes for a moment.

Head swimming from all the shots. Luna's never made it a habit of explaining herself. Drunk or not, she will for Colson though.

"His addiction sent us through spurts where he would shut me out. All of us, only hanging with people he knew wouldn't bitch about him getting high.  There were months where we shared the same bed but weren't speaking about anything relevant, let alone fucking. I hooked up with Tommy during one of those cycles. I had felt like Justin had been cheating on me for years. I was pissed and felt rejected. Tommy was an escape that paid attention to me." One solid tear slides down her cheek. He wipes it away as she continues to look at Colson.

"Fuck, that sounds so pathetic." She thinks, disappointed in herself.

"Why didn't you leave him?" He asks her the same question from last night.

Luna sighs. This one is hard. "Because whether I liked his actions or not, at one point he was my bestfriend. I think I loved him so much that I clung to the idea that maybe we could get that back." She looks away, multiple tears dropping now. "Plus, I didn't know if he could survive without me. And that wasn't worth the risk." She wipes her own tears now as she shrugs. Lightly saying, "Didn't matter though, you know. I finally snapped and he killed himself the next day while I was out." She closes her eyes to keep the tears in.

He pulls her down onto his strong chest. Stroking her hair as she silently cries into. "You know it's not your fault." Colson tries to console her.

She sniffles a "Yeah...."

"Sure it's not.... That's why his entire written last words were dedicated to telling me to fuck off.... " She thinks sadly, feeling her soul hurt. Luna will always love the brilliant man she fell in love with. Not the shell Justin had become in the end. Although Luna misses him, she misses the life he should've had more. Even if he wasn't supposed to spend it with her.

**********************************************

Colson's heart rips apart for her. "She's too fucking loyal for her own good..... He didn't fuckinug deserve her..... At all.... Fuck.... And to let her find him... That's some asshole shit." Colson thinks as he holds her tight, vowing to himself to never hurt her.

Their conversation was heavy. Neither wanting to talk anymore, nor needing to. Their bodies telling each other everything they need to know as Luna lays on Colson's chest and he strokes her hair until both their worried minds finally shut off.

--------------------------------------------------

To be continued...

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #213

"there's a voice in my head, says i'm better off dead, but if i sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song, i'll be all right."

Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? No. Ice cream? No. Is there a lamp in your bedroom? Well, two heat lamps for Kaiju and Venus. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Yikes, it's been a long time... Can you name 2 books of the Bible? Uhhh Luke and Revelations? Do people usually think your brother is handsome? I don't know, I haven't lived with him since I was a kid, and he doesn't live in my state. So we don't know the same people. Have you ever crawled thru a vent? Not to my memory. Are there toothpicks in your kitchen? They're in the bathroom. How many living grandparents do you have? One. Do you eat more than 3 meals a day? No; I don't even always have three. Do you know how old your house is? I believe it was made in the '70s. Do you think you have great potential for success? Meh. Have you applied any lipstick, chapstick, gloss, etc to your lips today? No. Would you rather have tan or pale skin color? Pale. Sometimes I hate it, but I like it more overall. Especially when you're a goth at heart know what I'm sayin'. Last time you entered a high school? Probably my sister's graduation. Last time you rode a bike? It's been years, dude. Probably not since high school. Do you drink your water from the tap? You couldn't pay me to. Our water is technically clean, we've had it tested, but dead serious, the hot water smells like rotten eggs. I'm pretty sure Mom said it's something about the salt content in the pipes. But nevertheless, mind over matter would nooot work. Is there any kind of design on your socks? I'm not wearing socks. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, I'm not a fan. Do you use dryer sheets? Yes. Do you like Subway? Yeah. What was your worst mistake in your life? Letting a guy become god, the entire universe, and more to me. Is this year the best year of your life? Oh, hunny- Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? I don't think so. Did you sleep well last night? I never do. I always wake up at least once. What’s the last song you heard? "Happy Song" by Bring Me The Horizon is on repeat. What is your favorite line from a TV show? I don't have a clue. Any current family issues? No. Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? Summer and I talked for a while at my niece's b-day party a few days back. What do you think of your mother? Your father? Your siblings (if there are any)? I love them. There's one sister I don't know so can't really say anything on her, then I do have another sister who, if I can assume via Facebook interactions, can't be too fond of me. But I could be mistaken with my habit of said assuming... Who/What is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life? Who: Jason. What: my mental health. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? How isolated I am and void of purpose I feel. What is one band that you find yourself going back to again and again? You mean like, stop liking but then get back into? None, I think. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Idk. Can you see your purse right now? Yes. Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? No. Are there products in your hair? No. Have you ever eaten cat food? I don't think so, though I wouldn't be surprised as a kid. How many pets do you have? Six. Do you actually like them? All but my sister's dog. I can't stand him. Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? My girlfriend. Do you wear skirts a lot? I never do. I hate my legs. Do you basically live in jeans? I have zero jeans. Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Not really; if I'm not in pjs, I'm usually in dance or yoga pants. How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Zero. Do you like hoodies? Yeah. Big ones or the form fitting kind? Bigger ones. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think I did. Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I go back and forth, lol. But no, I have regrets. Do you love your computer? It's got a few issues, but yeah. Do friends or family come first? Family of the heart, anyway. Us sharing blood doesn't mean shit to me, honestly. What’s your lucky number? I don't believe in "lucky" numbers. Who were the last 5 people you spoke to? I'll include via technology because otherwise I have no clue. Mom, Sara, Emma, and two women interested in adopting Kaiju. Do you have the same password for everything? No. Do you get shy around the person you like? Sometimes. What color is your phone? Dark navy. Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pencils. Do you like peanut butter? Yes. If you could live forever, would you? Hell no. Do you talk in your sleep? A lot. What was the last thing you regretted? Probably depression binge-eating something. Are you any good at cutting hair? Never tried. Do you like your yearbook picture this year? N/A What was the last YouTube video to make you laugh? Ummm there was something last night, but idr what. Do you like tomatoes? No. Do you have a pool? I wish. How would you describe your style? Too poor and lazy to be a goth so dresses in whatever is at the top of my drawer tbh lmao. Do you still talk to any of your exes? One. Have you ever been arrested? No. What was the last thing you watched on TV? I don't watch TV by my own volition anymore and there's not even a TV in my room, so... I really don't know. Do you have a tan? Even the Irish are ashamed of me. What was your most embarrassing moment? Who knows. I'm so easily humiliated and affected by it that I can remember times I've been even remotely embarrassed as far back as pre-k. Do you fall for people fast? No. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Are you quick to judge? Depends. Not generally. When was the last time you crawled through a window? I have zero clue. Are you scared of spiders? Most, yes. What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Have a full-blown panic attack despite that being physically impossible. Do you plan on moving within the next year? It'd be nice, but I estimate it'll be around two more years. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Hm. A few, since the parking area behind the house is decently-sized. Are you taller than your mom? No. Are you a cuddler? Yes. Sleep on your back or stomach? My stomach/upper torso kinda to the side. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? I don't remember. Though I know I was mad recently. How long has it been since you had sex? Almost four years. Who was the last person to call you babe? Sara. Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a car wreck. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been maaaany months. What facial cleanser do you use? Biore. Do you use a blowdryer? No. If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? Dogs and cats lmao. Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No. For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Still rather be a woman. Favorite underwear brand? Idk. Last thing you bought at the mall? A book. Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. What if an ex asked to be back in your life? Aaron: We've never had issues, we just drifted apart. It'd be weird for him to ask that, but I mean, sure? Juan: I don't know. Probably not. Jason: I REALLY don't know. We could probably be friends at a distance. Tyler: No, I think. Girt: He's still in my life. If you’re on a laptop, how much charge does it have right now? It's charging and only tells me the minutes until it's at full charge. Last gift you received? I don't know. Lesson you recently learned? I absolutely cannot work in a busy environment. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What is a field of study that is of your interest? Zoology. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Thinking too hard on what the appropriate amount of eye contact is. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah. What time of day do you feel mostly at peace? Morning. How has the weather been treating you lately? It's way too fucking hot and humid. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? We've had numerous cats be hit by cars. It was always sad, but I mean, I got through it. Especially as I was just a kid and didn't quite fathom how serious death was, nor did any cats I was SUPER attached to die that way. What can you go a day without doing? Going outside. What can’t you go a day without doing? Using some form of technology. Talking to Sara. Who do you spend most of your time with? No one. I'm usually alone. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? A caring heart. Have you ever eaten a zucchini? A fried one that was sliced into chips. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Dark art or fandom-related stuff. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Oreos omggggg. What fruit is too sweet to you? None, I think? How much money did your last vacation cost? I don't even remember my last vacation. Have you ever taken a physics class? Yeah. What are your thoughts on celebrity idolization and ‘fangirling/fanboying?’ Oh boy, I can't talk shit here for obvious reasons lmao. What is the messiest area in your home? I'm not sure... I haven't been in my sister's old room in forever, and I can't remember if it's empty or not. If it is empty - hell, even if it isn't -, the answer's probably the laundry room. Who was the last person you called? My mom. What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror is my favorite game genre period. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Well, Mom had mixed feelings about Juan, but so did I. She didn't not like him, though. Do you take public transportation to work? N/A. Public transport doesn't even come here. What extracurricular activities did you do when you were growing up? Soccer for one season (I hated it), softball, basketball, briefly cheerleading, and dance. Has anything unusual happened to you recently? Idk. I don't think so. Do you like chicken korma? I have no clue what that is. What was the last type of tea you drank? I never drink tea; I hate it. Have you ever been severely mentally ill? Yes. Where is the most interesting place you could go that’s within day-trip distance from your house? Stealing previous answer: Washington D.C. Do you ever rearrange your furniture? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? Lol I'm still financially dependent on them. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I am an extremely fast eater. I'm not messy or anything, I just, eat how I feel is normal? Just chew until you've done so enough to swallow. What room(s) of your house did you last vacuum? Mine. How old were you when you had your first relationship? My first "real" relationship started at 15. I had a middle school bf for just like... a month or so, but that was all puppy-dog love. Why did your last relationship end? I verified that I didn't like him romantically, and I also found I was just too guarded. In our four months of dating, I got no closer to him than I was from the start. I wasn't ready to date a guy again. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? No idea. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Do you live in a high cost-of-living area? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I fucking hate my body and I'm sure anyone else would too. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster. Do you follow your head or your heart? Both, I guess. It depends. How do you act under pressure? Did somebody say PANIC?!?!?!?! Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? No. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? No. It'd probably depress me. Have you ever ran from the police? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yeah, back as a kid... Are you double jointed? No. Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? My first stuffed meerkat I named after Zaphod from MM. Or my moose Brownie. Do you have any trophies? Somewhere. Do you work out? No. What grade are you in? I’m not in school. Do you like screamo music? No. Let me hear words, please. If I learn the lyrics, I can /sometimes/ enjoy the song, though. What does your wallet look like? It's rectangular with a Harley Quinn design. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is weed a drug? *Technically*, by definition, yes Who’s the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on? Mom or Sara. Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, that's fucking stupid. If you got pregnant right now, would you keep the baby? If I was, God forbid, raped, I don't think I could. If I had unprotected sex willingly, I truly think pregnancy would traumatize me, but I'd probably go through with it and put it up for adoption. I'd want to take responsibility for my actions. Does your family have a secret? No. Are you prejudice against any groups of people? No. If someone gave you a houseplant, would you keep it? Yeah, to be nice. That fella wouldn't live long, though. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car. Are there any exercises that you do regularly? I'm trying to get in the habit of planking every day since it works out your whole body. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? HELL YES!!!! If you had a son right now, what would you name him? Probably Damien. Who names their son after a Markiplier character? Me. But real talk, I like the name. Do you own a desktop or a laptop? A laptop. Have you kissed more than three guys this year? I haven't kissed any guys. Who’s with you? Mom's on the couch outside my door. Can you use chopsticks? I highly doubt it, especially because I have tremors. When did you last go to an amusement park? Oh, wow. I actually think this was shortly before Jason and I broke up. So 2015. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Don't you fucking dare joke about rape, retardation, suicide, or self-harm. What would you do if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both females. We can't. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? I don't have any of my exes' numbers, so I'd answer it and say "hello?". Are any of your texts in your inbox locked? A couple from Sara. If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type? Yes; I don't look at the keyboard when I type. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Twice now. Do you currently have a scar? I have a lot. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a petrol station. What do you buy? I mean, it depends on what I'm up for. Usually Reese's or something sour. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? Probably a dolphin. What do you order most off the internet? Clothes. Describe the last time you were injured? So I have this awful habit of tearing my fingernails when they get long, and I peeled it way too short. Rock concert or symphony? Y'all know I'm picking rock. What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone? Mark and Chica, and my home screen is Sara and me. Most recent movie you’ve watched at the cinema? Detective Pikachu. Name an actor/actress you’ve had the hots for? Jason Momoa. My straight side is certainly still there, friends. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Have you ever done ballet? No. Do you listen to classical music? No. Do you watch Spongebob? I don't watch TV period. Do people consider you intelligent? Those in my life seem stuck on high school me, when I was really smart. I don't think I am anymore. What curse word do you use the most? "Fuck," oops. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Well yeah, I'm probably gonna BE that person one day, lmao. What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? It's impossible to mispronounce my name... The only thing that sometimes happens is my name is misspelled.

[kristmullet]

My Journey to Delmar

Wow, blog #3! Who knew I had it in me??

My love life(if it could be called that) was never fun and mostly just confusing and messy until I found my husband. 

I’d had crushes on boys when I was young but my first “boyfriend”(psh!)  was in 8th grade. Back then I had a group of friends that was pretty evenly mixed boys and girls. At that time, we all basically played square dance with each other(it was just a case of switching partners when the last girl was done with whoever she was “dating” at the time. embarrassing, I know). My first actual guy who acknowledged the mutual crush we had on each other and put that boyfriend/girlfriend label on us was a boy named “B” (names changed out of embarrassment). He was sweet, funny, somewhat shy as well, but never seemed embarrassed of me. It was a quick, young thing that ended for reasons I’m not sure(patterns start here). I casually dated/crushed on other “square dance partners” from that friend group with little heartbreak or consequence. It seemed like I always had more feelings for them than they ever had for me(also pattern). I was friends lots of guys as well at school just because they were generally more fun/funny than the girls. My style at that time also started to transition to more of a punk/emo style that made me feel more comfortable and like myself. 

Anyway, my next, more serious, “square dance partner” in that friends group started innocently enough, with pretty little thought that this one would actually change my life pretty intensely. This relationship started out pretty chill. Mostly just hanging out, taking walks, sitting together at parties(if they could be called parties). “O” was even my first kiss. Sadly, this was a time I initiated and felt like I was more into him than he was to me. We started hanging out more and more and with my close friends less and less. He started to lightly pressure me and guilt me in little ways that I didn’t even really notice. He would make small comments about things he liked and disliked about me. Sometimes he would contradict himself but I just assumed I misunderstood him the first time. He would even tell me things that I knew instinctively(!) were lies and stories but I just figured I was wrong. Slowly his moods, attitudes, preferences would start going from one extreme to another. His stories got more unbelievable but they also preyed on my want/need to help and take care of others. He had claims of abuse, neglect, being poor, but all of it had a ring of believe-ability to it all. So I always tried to protect and help in whatever way I could, even financially.  With his swinging preferences, one day he would love my style, then say I was a “poser.” He wanted me to be a “bad girl”, then wanted me to be more “innocent.” He would love my curves, tell me I was fat, tell me to leave alone, then call me and tell me not to hang up for hours. Make me stay with him while he cried and tell me to go F*** myself basically. I sincerely stopped believing everything that I thought. **Big disclaimer: Ladies, Always trust your instincts. Don’t brush off that nagging voice. If you think someone is lying to you, they probably are. For those of you believers, I fully believe this nagging women’s intuition that people always talk about is the holy spirit trying to guide you. Don’t ignore that gut feeling. It can save you time, money, energy, heart break, and possibly your life. I’m not exaggerating when I say there are times I think this intuition saved my life.**

I second guessed everything. I mean everything. What I thought, wore, said, how I acted, even as little as what I listened to with my music. I would talk to my few remaining friends about him but I shielded him. I made everything sound less bad. I cannot stress to you how much he just straight up made me think I was wrong. Always wrong.  I went from having normal female teenage emotions to my feelings predicated on his and his swung so hard that I felt just sad and anxious so much of the time. I didn’t even realize it either. Hindsight has cleared this up so much. So how the hell was I supposed to get away from this? I didn’t! I believe 100% that God used his mood swings to save me. He decided he hated his life in Indiana so much that he ran away to his biological mothers house in Washington. Also around this time he told me that his mother was diagnosed as bipolar and that he thought he was too. This did start to connect the dots for me in some ways but also made me feel like a crap person if I gave up on someone who was mentally ill. He straight out told me that he would never get on medication and never talk to a therapist. He thought it would take out his spirit of who he was(or some ridiculous crap like that). Even with this, I was so controlled that I still stayed with his ass. He would call and message at all hours to talk, to beg for us to be together, to cry, to yell, to vent about how terrible his life was. He even would tell me how he hated me but didn’t want to break up, but wanted to get another girlfriend who was better, hotter, would “take care of his needs”, as a second girlfriend. That broke my heart. Destroyed me. Made me feel like a piece of trash that had to be discarded to the side but was kept around for the scraps. 

Finally, one night he flippantly said he wanted to break-up so he could be with this girlfriend(whom he did cheat on me with). I just said OK. I do not think he knew I meant it. He wanted me back almost immediately the next day but I decided I was done. I even eventually had to block him because he was still trying to manipulate me. 

After that, I was a bit more hesitant with my heart. I still tried to just have fun with guys(laugh, make jokes, etc), but I second guessed when I thought I maybe had a crush on someone. Even now looking back, I remember boys pretty obviously flirting with with me but I thought they were actually making fun of me. I couldn’t fathom someone genuinely flirting with someone who looked like me, who was as uncool as me. Sad, huh?

The next guy I even attempted anything with was this super friendly guy I had class with. I crushed on him and I figured he didn’t have  a crush on me but he was kind enough that he’d go to prom with me if I asked(he was a sophomore, so could not go by himself, so it made sense to me to ask him.). He agreed to go and we went. It was a pretty fun night, lots of dancing but nothing too remarkable. At the end of the night, after having an ok time, I got pretty bummed out when he basically left me at that. Polite after that but pretty much stopped being friends. 

After a while, one of my friends invited me to go to a random guy she somewhat knew house to hang(aka she wanted to make out with said dude but didn’t want to go alone). I went, hung(very uncomfortably), and ended up being set up with make-out dudes buddy, “W”. This was another time I was half-sure I was being made fun of or being set up as a total joke. “W” had no balls to even ask me out himself. It was fully ridiculous, BUT, we dated for maybe a month. This was another time where I initiated the first kiss. I basically always felt like a joke with him. Like he was going to throw up when he kissed me. He ended up breaking up with me in front of his bosses house after hanging out the whole evening, just to get back with his ex-girlfriend the next day. Yey for me.

I even met some dumb joker who was a friend of a friend. I think our first interaction was on instant messenger. Two dates, me driving 35 minutes to meet up with him both times. He immediately gets back with his baby mama. I never wanted to admit that one. I will say that these terrible “relationships” all came back to this complete lack of self confidence and respect. I wasn’t worth anything better. Totally thought this. 

After I met my husband, I still continued to have these thoughts. Still wondered when the other shoe would drop. When would he drop me and find out it was all a joke or a lie? Even in the past year, I am realizing I still allowed those things put in my brain long ago to still affect my feelings today. I’m still working today to be more clear and accurate in how I feel and how I look at myself. Also, allowing myself to feel happy and good when someone(AKA hubby) wants me to be happy and feel good. Insane but God is still working in my heart and head. 

Also, I can’t emphasize how much my husband has done to be steady and strong, caring and loving. I know I’ve never told my husband the extent of what happened in my relationships in the past, so the fact that he has always been such a rock is that much more amazing. Whether or he knows it or not, he saved me. Literally saved me from everything I could have put myself through. I could never repay him. Ever. I’ll love him forever. 

[sapphiresea]

2, 4, 9, 26 :)

lgbt+ ask game

2.  how did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?  oh, gosh.  this is going to be long, and i’m still glazing over all the mental health problems i had that largely stemmed from trying to be someone i clearly was not.  

looking back, it seems like it should have been obvious from the outset, really, but it was a process getting to understand and accept my sexuality.  you have to know, i was very young when ellen came out, and i had no idea what the words ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ even meant at the time.  no one explained it to me, either.  i just knew that everyone around me was suddenly saying those words and they were whispered or demeaned, so i knew they were bad immediately.  from as far back as i can remember, i held the view that lesbians were disgusting and bad, and that shame buried really deep inside me for a very long time.  it was easier to never think about it and pretend than it was to ever let it be a conscious thought.

when i was a kid, i just couldn’t fathom actually wanting to be with a man.  i thought relationships were just a matter of custom and doing what was expected because that was how you could have children and a family.  my barbies married ken, but then ken went off to war and she spent all her time with her best lady friends.  i chose my crushes with internal pro/con lists.  i complained often that i hated romcoms because the women were always so dumbly chasing after men and they should just get over it.  i could talk about female celebrities for days but ask me my favorite male celebrity, and it was just tumbleweeds.  it didn’t even register as strange when, after my first real kiss with a boy, i had to brush my teeth three times and then called my best friend to tell her that kissing boys was disgusting.  that just fell into my belief that we were only with boys because we had to be, and because i didn’t allow myself to consider that there might be other options.  i was such a textbook baby gay, but there were only two moments that really penetrated into conscious awareness, and they were so jarring that i remember them even now.

the first was when i was 13 years old, and i was sat in my music class when my teacher, seemingly out of no where, decided to lecture us about gay people.  i have no idea what was going on before that because it was a spring day and the sunlight from the window was making my hair look red and i was busy daydreaming about dying it all red.  i only snapped back when kids started laughing because someone said, ‘gay.’  it wasn’t a negative lecture.  in fact, she was telling us we had to be more accepting of people, because she had heard a lot of slurs being thrown around and didn’t like it.  she told us, “about one in ten people are gay, which means that at least two, if not more, of you are gay.”  my very first thought was, “i wonder who the other one is.”  and then, cue panic attack.  i spent the whole rest of the day on the verge of tears trying to convince myself that i was being crazy for even thinking that.  

the second was in the food court of north hill mall around christmas time with the other steph and robyn.  it was around christmas because we were all wearing ridiculous elf and santa hats.  we got off school early thanks to a spare period and were picking at takeout lunches when robyn started a rant out of no where about how she couldn’t understand why men found boobs to be attractive.  i then became very aware of where my eyes were looking and attempted to focus them anywhere but on my friends in case they could tell how suddenly uncomfortable i had become and thought i was looking at their boobs.  they didn’t think that at all, by the way.  but steph was agreeing with her and they were going on and on about how unattractive boobs were and steph was throwing in occasional comments about the attractive aspects of the male form and i was just nodding along turning even redder.  now it’s not that i really felt strongly about boobs or anything.  it’s really just that in that moment, it became painfully clear to me that at least one of the biggest things i had always told myself that everyone experienced was not so ubiquitous an experience as i had initially thought.  

actually considering the possibility of straight –– despite the efforts of a therapist i saw twice and then refused to see again as soon as she suggested i might be not-totally-straight (oh and totally in love with one of my friends) –– didn’t come until a couple of years later.  it was a new crush of mine, crystal chappell, who was on days of our lives at the time.  ooh, i fell hard for carly manning, and i had to look into her other filmography.  on twitter and on a forum on her website, people were discussing something called ‘otalia’ and insisting i watch, so i did.  that single-handedly changed the trajectory of my life.  otalia were the first f/f couple i had ever seen and allowed myself to relate with (i saw willow/tara but was way too deep into the closet to even let myself pay attention to them).  over the course of the next few months, my attitude started to shift and a series of bad attempts at dating men, coupled with a new crush on a friend of mine, made me realize that i was definitely into women.  i identified as bi for a little while, but within the year, it became pretty clear to me that i had chosen the wrong label and my attraction to men was just a craving for external validation and what i had considered normalcy at the time.

out of internalized homophobia and an illness that screwed with my hormone levels, i identified as ace and aro off and on for awhile.  (don’t jump on me, that’s just my experience and i’m not attempting to get into discourse here or generalizing that to anyone else.)  but one day, i found that had shifted.  i started watching more lesbian media and engaging with other wlw and stopped being afraid of the word ‘lesbian’ like i had been.  and nothing has ever felt so freeing in my entire life.

4.  who was the first person you told, how did they react?  i think the very first person i ever told was a close online friend who was like my internet grandma.  i knew she was safe because she, too, is gay.  so i kind of just slipped it into a late night conversation on skype and nervously told her i thought maybe i was into girls, and she was the most accepting a person could be.  the next day, i told my friend over text while i was in walmart with my mom.  i remember thinking from the way we interacted that it was possible she was lgbt, too, and being so, so nervous to be the first one to say it.  but i was right.  and she became my first girlfriend.  so those were really great experiences, actually, and i’m glad those were my first ones.

9.  who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?  oh man, so many...  wayhaught, for sure, are my #1, but i also really love otalia, giani, hollistein, petramos, logan/lara, trishica, and a number of non-canon f/f slash.

26.  what identity advice would you give your younger self?  gosh, i don’t even know.  like i said, i was so deeply in the closet for so long that i’m not sure i would’ve been able to hear it.  if i could go back to when i was a kid, though, before all of this, i think i’d tell myself that ‘lesbian’ isn’t a bad word, and that, not only do i not have to be with anyone i don’t genuinely want to be with, but that it is possible to be with a woman, and that it’s okay to make that choice instead of hurting myself trying to bury it.

[theepitomeofsimplicite]

Hi everyone,

I guess it’s never too late to wish you all a wonderful happy new year! Today, I’d love to take a moment to share my reflections on my best of 2018 travel. So, I am considering creating a series of posts in the upcoming weeks (YES! You read this. I am back to the grinds of writing and I am feeling super motivated) about sartorial-self editing and a follow up on continuing living my minimalist life.

The other day, a friend of mine who does not enjoy travel as much as I do recently asked me: ” What value does it bring to spend all your money in traveling so frequently?”

I paused for a brief moment and tried to recollect in my head all the countless unmeasurable benefits I gained from the experience of traveling. I’m thinking of adventures, freedom, and creating sweet memories with my favorite people. Mountains, road trips and singing cheesy songs in the car, big cities, beaches, lakes, wine country, night life, speak Spanish, fall in love… and so much more I mean where shall I begin…

Here are some advantages I can think of when it comes to why I value travelling as often as I can. To start with, there is an excitement and anticipation of planning a trip up front (read more about experientialism vs materialism post here). Looking forward to how we would imagine the journey. It gives room for creativity in deciding what activities to fill our days with.

Next, I learn to live more intentionally by pausing and being in the moment. I pay particular attention to small overlooked pleasures in life. I enjoy very much to be engaged with people in a genuine way by becoming a better active listener for instance when taking in to their stories. I experience more gratefulness. I like that my discovery mode is turned on (try new food, catch new sights, practice a new language sometimes, or embrace new cultures).

All in all, I find travelling to be important to me because it contributes to my self-improvement. All these reasons contribute towards my personal growth; my thoughts are influenced by a broader range of awareness of the world surrounding me, my habits are sometimes mimicking other’s cultural lifestyles, my learning is derived from my interactions with people and taking in their outlook on life, my beliefs are more grounded, and my thoughts are centered around creating a healthier and happier way of living. Let it be minimalism and zero waste lifestyle but these topics are worth detailing in separate posts.

Anza Borrego Desert/Julian, CA

After returning from my regular winter euro trip in the beginning of the year from Dresden and Paris, in February I went on a mini weekend road trip to Anza Borrego Desert. It’s only a two hour drive northeast of San Diego where I live and is located south east from Riverside and south of Palm Springs. The Anza Borrego Desert State Park isn’t too far from the Mount Jacinto Park where I hiked in the summer of 2017 (read here). It’s the largest park in California and has many wilderness areas as well as lots of hiking trails.

I picked the Palm Canyon trail where a minimum of climbing was involved (I love climbing!!!) and I was able to catch a sight at the primitive palm trees which are the tallest in California and are kept very wild and untrimmed. Down the oasis, I could hear from a far distance some buzzing sounds that resonated all around. As I was so curious to find out the origins of these croaks, I rushed down the river by climbing down the hiking trail in an off trail fashion (my adventurous side) to find some very cute tiny frogs under the rocks blending with the surroundings in the most perfect way.

All the climbing efforts were well worth! Then as the night quickly fell down, it’s how I got some very large and deep scars on my left forearm because I ran into a giant cactus on my way back up to the trail. Not very clever but I put the blame on my tomboy side! Later that evening on the way back to San Diego, a pit stop at Julian was required to have a taste of the well-known local apple pies and cider.

Los Angeles, CA

I drove to the city of angels and visited my friend Alexie (from UCLA) in the beginning of March as I needed to renew my passport at the French embassy. This was a two day trip but I really appreciated my time spent with her discussing various topics and you know just being women. Read more here where I talked about trying Tsukemen for the first time at Tsujita and a local’s brunch at Egg slut.

San Diego CRSSD FEST, CA

Processed with VSCO with b1 preset

This electronic, deep house, and techno festival is a traditional yearly thing I attend with my Persian buddies Arash and Massoud. Although I’ve tried to save a decent budget dedicated to music festivals for the year, I always seem to mess this up. But in any case, this is a sort of a mini Coachella and if you are in San Diego during March and September I recommend you guys to check it out because I like that it’s located by the waterfront and our dear Pacific Ocean.

Seoul/Busan, South Korea

In March, I was sent to South Korea for work (second time around and read first impression of the previous strip here). I stayed in Seoul and enjoyed this trip very much particularly as I didn’t end up having to do too much work at the customer site for once. But differently than last time, I decided to gather a team and explore South Korea away from the city center of Seoul. So we took the train to visit Busan.

Busan is a very large port city and is well known for its beaches, mountains, and temples. I enjoyed hanging out at the Haeundae beach with the young crowded locals and shot some fireworks. Later that night, the team composed of the new Dutch girlfriend Anne and another colleague, Robin who is Irish, went on bar hoping and met a friendly group of enthusiastic high energy good vibe young Koreans. We befriended right away with songs like Gangnam style and other classics.

We were then invited to a Karaoke bar and sung our heart out til about 8 am the following day. We actually made a reservation at a hostel nearby but needless to mention how pissed off the receptionist was as we had a very very very late check in that dragged her out of the bed. I know this was messed up but our new Korean friends helped us get to stay in to rest for the remaining duration of 2 hours, which was barely enough sleep but we needed to catch the train back to Seoul and I had to fly back afterwards.

The best part of this trip I think came from the idea that propelled me to go to Busan in the first place. The ultra fresh seafood and sashimi. I watched a documentary online where I saw a man trying to experience the “live” sashimi fish in Busan and choked on it. He became so red and almost died. I thought the idea of trying something so “fresh” would have made a fun challenge so I set my mind to experience it too at the Jagalchi Market, the world famous market for fresh fish and seafood. Robin and I got to try it but I barely survived. Personally though I wouldn’t do it again haha.

Another crazy experience was found at this local BBQ restaurant where I had fresh grilled eel for the first time ever. It goes without saying how painful that was visually and the taste was stringent. Have you ever eaten a whole eel? I’m not speaking of the little piece of eel that is place with a generous amount of Teriyaki sauce on the sushi but the whole fish. It’s so bony and crunchy towards the tail. I also would detail the part where the fish are taken from the aquarium then processed in front of your attentive eyes.

The cook knock the head of the eel using the back of the knife then begins to skin off the fish by removing the spinal column. The sound was draconian. The fish is then cut up into chunks. Later the pieces are laid on the plate ready to be grilled but the heads also come together. The visual still hurts me by just typing these lines but please skip this section if you are too sensitive sorry. As the brains were trying to pump blood through, and while Robin was devouring the body from the grill (personally I couldn’t do it), the mouth of the fish was left wide opened as a reaction to the loss of oxygen. I still remember vividly the horrified faces of the fish. In any case, this experience was quite unique but I’m still glad I got to see how life was like in Busan with the locals.

Saratoga/NYC, NY and Montreal, Canada

After my trip to South Korea, I was supposed to take some time off to stop by Japan to hang out with a friend I met during CRSSD fest but to my disappointment I had to fly straight away to New York for work again. This trip was rather unique because it’s where I met my crush there (blushing). But nothing surprising it’s just a crush and nothing more and you’ll read more about this Dutchie later 😉 Besides, work was very interesting there and the weather was ruthlessly cold with above the knee level of snow. Time working there was passing by so quickly as my best friend Mark (we work together) was also on site for work and we got to hang out a bunch.

In Albany we had Tanpopo Jakarta ramen. If you are curious about ramen, head over to my blog on ramen critic around the globe @ramencraycray. We ate at Vintage House and had interesting fried oyster sandwiches at Albany Ale & Oyster. We also hung out quite a bit in Saratoga Springs where we visited the Historic Congress Park to sip on the spring water. Had drinks at this hispter jazz playing live music at Morrissey’s and dined at the Wine Bar.

During this trip, I took the opportunity to drive to cross the border and visit Montreal. I had to make a pit stop at this gentleman’s house located in the beautiful town of Saratoga Springs. I met this older writer named Paul on the plane (yes for many of you who know me, I meet a bunch of folks on the plane and it’s not hard trust me!). We discuss many topics among writing and blogging as well as feminism and life in Paris compared with New York. We promised to give each other feedback from his book titled “Learning the Learner” while he reads my blog, this one.

He kindly invited me over to his house for breakfast along with a tour at the Spring Street Gallery which was a converted church located in front of his house. I had an immense pleasure in meeting his amazing awe inspiring wife Barbara (@blglaser5150). She is the woman I aspire to become when I get more mature. She has accomplished so much to become financially independent, in raising her Korean adopted daughter and her work in Natural State Park conservation, and now is a philanthropist. I was more than glad to have the chance to meet people like them and to share our stories. I felt so empower to continue my pursuit in advancing technology and to become as independent as she is someday. I also wish to further contribute to society just how she does it.

Ok so, now let’s talk about Montreal shall we? The road was very beautiful on my way there all covered in snow and I can easily glimpse at the mountain ranges during my three hour long drive. I stayed at Le Saint Sulpice hotel that was simply scrumptious located in Old Town. As I stepped out into town, I was clearly experiencing a wardrobe malfunction; I wore my long white Korean coat with a pair of jeans, a jumper, a beanie, scarf, and a pair of leather gloves. Evidently I froze to death within 15 minutes of walk in the blazing -15C.

So I rushed to the nearest neighborhood bar at the pub le Saint-Elisabeth. I met a new friend at the bar named Francois who was kind to show me locals spots around the well-known avenue du Mont Royal and had delicious poutine. The next day, I met up with my cousin who I haven’t seen in about 20 years (long time!!!) to catch up. We walked through the underground pass to go to the mall just like how the Quebecois shop to avoid peaking your nose out into the cold. She offered me some of the best ice wines ever. I feel very grateful!

On my last weekend there, I was meeting up with an old friend and together drove to NYC passing through the Lincoln tunnel. That was a hell of a lot of fun with lots of dancing, some ramen, and a copious amount of drinks and sightseeing. Make sure to read more about this city here.

West Coast Road Trip (Joshua Tree Park, CA/LA, CA/Big Sur, CA/Big Basin Redwood Park, CA/SF, CA/Newport, OR/Seattle, WA/Mt Adams, WA/Corvallis, OR)

In May, our birthday month, my sister (@dithy_f) from Paris and I got into my white Golf and drove along the USA West Coast. One of the best road trips ever yet! Read more here for part 1. Part 2 filled with more stories should be coming around soon so stay tune. In this case, I’ll skip here to the next trip below…

San Elijo Beach, CA

One of the best perks I enjoy about living in San Diego is that the county is so vast in its surface area that driving 30 to 40 minutes along the coast from where I live seems like a travel destination even though it’s technically still San Diego. We were camping there together with this really awesome girl Jenny (@nurse_jenny) (I met at a party and she had all the gut to just ask for my number and befriended instantly) and my friend Stephen (from work) who was set to take a year off to travel the world. I had an amazing weekend there grilling sausages and I even had some fun creating a beach bum beauty tutorial that can be found on my Instagram stories.

Ensenada/Tijuana, Mexico

I love spontaneous impromptu trips like this in the summer. Mexican friend Guerardo invited me over to tag along on his weekend getaway trip to Mexico. Singing along Felices Los 4 and Dura omg! We took the Ruta del vino to visit and wine taste at L.A. Cetto. We brunched at Bodegas del Valle, a secret local spot. We later that night played dominos then poker getting drunk on some tequila Reposado. The next day, we were beach ready to get some tan at Playa Hermosa in Explanadas. Afterwards, we had some of the best margheritas at Bar Andaluz and the best tacos ever are found at the world renown Anthony Bourdain approved Sabina Restaurante. Later, on our way back to the US, we had to stop by Tijuana where we got a roof top drink at Cine Tonala and played games.

Tel Aviv, Israel

During the summer, I traveled to Tel Aviv for the first time to visit my friend Tom. I know many of you already know how I met Tom and how I ended up in Dresden in the winter of 2017 but just for the sake of sharing with everyone. On my way to Amsterdam from Minnesota, I think that was in the summer of 2017 I happen to sit next to this blue eye guy with a quirky smile on this face. I think he started the conversation with an ice breaker question. So tips to you guys, if you are happen to sit next to a stranger on the plane and would like to make new friends, don’t put your headphones on, smile, and ask whether your flight neighbor is heading back home or visiting. This ice breaker question always works for me 🙂 So as we talked and laughed throughout our 8 hour long trip. We exchanged our contact information but before that he managed to convince me to meet again either in Tel Aviv and/or Dresden for the winter holidays.

And in truth eventually, I ended up meeting him in both cities haha. I flew to Dresden in December of 2017 from Paris because (this is a true story haha) my sister was too busy to host me during the weekday and (sadly) she is also a type A woman so she made it clear that I was on my own. Then I simply phoned Tom to check his whereabouts then booked a ticket at the airport from CDG, took the metro to Orly then flew to Dresden straight away. I actually don’t recommend anyone to fly that much in a day (4 back to back flights) but I’m still glad I made it out there. I stayed at Tom’s friend’s Matthias (a German cutie), and we got to visit the beautiful city (old and new neighborhood), did some thrift shopping as I was travelling without proper winter gears (got as scarf and beanie), and even attended an opera. The museums there were very impressive and boy I love the Christmas market to grab some warm German sweet bread, some wurst, and a sip of the delicious gluhwein (even gluhbier).

Well, I’m digressing now sorry so back to Tel Aviv! Tom and I stayed at another of Tom’s friend’s apartment nearby the beach in Yaffa area. Hillel is such a smart and funny guy. He’s very thoughtful too! I recall how before I’d get up in the morning, a warm freshly baked pastry was awaiting for me on the kitchen counter. He was temporarily being a dog daddy to Indie so I lucked out in meeting them because I had so much fun hanging out with these mischief later in the Old City. This vibrant place is full of craft shops and art galleries, and stalls selling antiques and jewelry at the lively Jaffa Flea Market.

There are some Ottoman influences such as the Clock Tower. We walked around and spotted an outdoor venue filled with folks dancing on Arab music after crossing the Wishing Bridge. The area is also popular for its hip wine bars, creative Mediterranean dining and seafood restaurants near Jaffa Port. There is such a wide mix of culture and we got together for drinks at the Shaffa bar with Stefania, her bf and friend. Well, how I met Stefania was also on a plane ride from JFK to Tel Aviv haha. We sat next to each and became friends instantly. And so we just had to meet up in town!

Then Hillel wanted to take us to his favorite secret spot that offers a unique view over the Jaffa port but on the opposite side. Recall when I called Hillel and Indie the little pair of mischief well, to get to that safely guarded spot required illegal climbing over a fence then a wall hmmm the challenge came from having our little four legged Indie with us but we still proceeded with climbing with the adventurous dog friend. It was so worth it as we could catch a glimpse in the quiet night and only hearing the waves crashing on the rocks and just taking in the beautiful sights and being in the moment.

I have a few tips on Tel Aviv for you guys if you are interested, drop a comment below. I personally really enjoy going to the outdoor markets like the Carmel market where Tom and I met up with another of Tom’s friend named Roy. He had bought some delicious cheese and we improvised a French picnic with a bottle of red (of course!) and laid around in the neighborhood park, while dog petting.

I only stayed 4 days in Tel Aviv and wished to road trip to Jerusalem but due to the unbearable heat wave, I’ll postpone this trip to another time. So next on my way to Amsterdam, I had a quick overlay in Rome. Unfortunately I couldn’t hang out with my dear friend Rita but had (yes another) interesting encounter on the plane. An older Italian gentleman who is a professor in Chemistry and avid alternative renewable energy especially in clean gas was my neighbor. He had mistaken me as a model haha. But to his disappointment I had to break it to him that I was just an engineer.

We talked for a long while about renewable energy and the new tech trends. Once we landed in Fuimicino, he kindly offer to continue our conversations over at the lounge. I personally love to converse with passionate folks. Side note by the way, a handful of people either border patrol agents or people I bumped into during my flights tend to believe I’m some model. Can it be because of my leather jacket, my casual effortless airport style or is it? Regardless, I’m utterly flattered but (shrugging) would love to know why…

Amsterdam/Eindhoven/Heusden, The Netherlands

I arrived in Amsterdam to meet up with Silvana (@saisonlune) the birthday girl. She’s taken me to the north of Amsterdam so we took the ferry where we can sight the beautiful A’dam Toren from Centraal Station. We had a snack at FC Hyena where it has movie theater and great food. The décor is industrial but with lots of quirky colors. Afterwards, we headed next door to the Hotel de Goudfazant. This place used to be a car garage so don’t be surprised if you are dining next to cars inside the space.

The following day, I also got to meet Jessica from Daarboven and stroll around Amsterdam. We had a pit stopped at my fav Scandinavian shop Filippa K where I got a couple of essential garments (a nice cropped wool jacket and a pair of simple blue denim, read here).

We sipped on some fancy drinks at the Hoxtel lounge, grabbed ramen at Fou Fow Ramen then devour some explosive chocolate at the Michelin starred Duchess .

In Eindhoven, I always enjoy staying at my bestie Joffrey. I also took some time to say hi to Adri from Chanel. She created a new look for me and left with many goodies she gathered for me. In the afternoon, Jo organized a mini road trip to Heusden for a getaway. Walking around there was very relaxing to see the lashing green surrounding and the famous windmills. In the village we grabbed some red and some bread (I love Dutch breads). Later in the evening Jo and I met up with Yohann (our betstie) to grab an apero at his house.

Then we all met up with the other guys for Lepeltje Lepeltje, a food fest in Eindhoven with live music and yummy ice creams. Later than night we all hung out at our regular Irish pub Oshea’s where a few more people are set to come by. One person was the German cutie I was seeing on the date during lunch time at one of my fav brunch spot called Krok Madame. The other person was my Dutch crush and well needless to mention how melodramatic this all resulted and of course I’ve never intended anything as such to take place.

Chinon/Vendée Road Trip, France

It’s still summer and I was on my way to Paris now to get with my sister then we picked up my mom to go onto our yearly road trip. We stopped by the wine country region as always. I’ve notice my friends recently called me “Wine Privileged” and I am beginning to be more grateful from my upbringing and the fact that my parents’ house is located in one of the most amazing wine country region of France. And so we are in Chinon and visiting the Cave Monplaisirs.

The lady owner was formidable in presenting the wine selection with exquisite details of the terrain, the grapes provenance and mixes. This is how I get wine educated by going on a variety of wine tasting and having great conversations. She also kindly offered us an extra bottle (we had to keep it quiet on the gift haha) simply because she enjoyed sharing a great conversation too! We set up our picnic by the Loire river with great sight, a fresh summer breeze, and amazing wine paring (Les Picasses from 2016).

My sister and I rented a beautiful beach house in the Vendée region with a big pool by Saint-Jean-de-Mont beach. We had a lovely time with my mom swimming , BBQ, and just chilling in town. We did a bit of sightseeing but the best experience was going to the oysters’ market casually located in various parts of the roads there called le Délit. I believe to have found the best tasting oysters in my entire life! I stoke a conversation with the bar owner sharing with him my USA stories and then he pointed out that an LA designer was painting the walls of the place. Have a look as it’s pretty quirky. Another good time (yes it’s again about food) was going to Noirmoutier to bunch at Michelin starred or recommended restaurants like L’ilot Bleu. Next stop was a flower park (my mom is a lotus enthusiast) called the Parc Floral de la court d’Aron where we spent a day there having a little French picnic.

Paris, France

This city is always crazy and has the most fun parties. I hung out with the Parisian crew (a bunch of finance folks who prize on expensive champagne bottles. Yeah I know it’s just another life style) and caught up with Taler (@nomadicfille). We had ramen again but this time at Hokkaido.

The following day we went to the street food fest in Place République. Then, we headed towards the roof top at the Art et Métiers hotel. Needless to mention, there was a gorgeous view over the city of Light and the flashing Eiffel Tower but what caught my attention was this cutie sitting right next to me from another group of Parisians. We had a great conversation but I must be so naïve in too many ways, I didn’t realize he was a catch haha. But it’s all good we are friends on Instagram, does that count?

Los Angeles, CA

In September after getting back to San Diego, the following weekend I got on the road towards Vegas, the sin city. But I thought I’d stop by and say hi to my friend Alexie (if you don’t remember her, I had a post on LA here). We caught up over dinner, girls talk then the following day brunched at our favorite place in Abbott Kinney called Gjelina. A bit of window shopping but then it was time for me to get back on the road already.

Vegas/Valley of Fire Road trip, NV

Hanging out with Jo and catching up with his dad I haven’t seen in a couple of years was fun. In short, Fermont experience, losing money gambling, getting fancy drinks at the casino, and hiking in the heat of the Valley of Fire where we almost passed out. I recommend everyone who is passing by Vegas to go check out this out of the ordinary red-bricked landscape. It’s truly breath taking how arid the climate is but how the rock formations come together is pretty amazing.

Big Bear, CA

This road tripping to camping with Arash was in late September so it was indeed freezing cold. We were out of Vodka to keep us warm so in the process I lost my toes overnight for about 8 hours then recovered. The Castle Rock trail hike by Big Bear Lake was pretty intensive in climbing but the view we could catch on top was all worth it with a breathtaking forest views, rock structures, and a distant lake.

Lake Tahoe, CA

Next road trip was made during the thanksgiving holidays. It was very adventurous on the long drive there from San Diego to Lake Tahoe especially in the freezing night. Just had to pick up Massoud along the way in Orange County. As we approached the mountain ranges, we found out too tardily that the snow chains were undersized so we decided to simply deflate the tires in order to create more traction. (3 engineers getting together that’s how things go often!).

London, England

I haven’t been back since a couple of years ago so I was glad to stop by London in December and catching up with my dear Jackie (@passyjacqueline). What I retained the most from being there was experiencing Tinder dating together haha. I recall vividly on one of the bus rides in London City where Jackie and I were eye on out phones swiping left and occasionally right on the app then suddenly we heard 3 older gentlemen exclaiming right behind us “But you keep on swiping left!” hahaha I’ll omit the Brit accent but I couldn’t help than to crack up. It’s an observation that it seems everyone young and old men and women everywhere across the globe is searching for love though this dating tool.

I really enjoyed the low key local hangout (will do a map later if you are interested for I have some tips!) and art exhibits. We went to Blain Southern and checked out the “Between the lines” of Chiharu Shiota and the drawings of Jonas Burget. Indeed, I’d rather avoid doing tourist traps cos I just wanted to create memories being with my dear friend in the most humbling way. Some of the cool places I went to are Tonkotsu ramen, Oslo Hackney bar and club, Blighty Tottenham for brunch, Pop Brixton for the hispter hang out and drinks food hall style, Ace hotel in Shoreditch for a fancy drink at the lounge. For a nice walk I went to Borough market (my fav) and had tapas at Tapas Brindisa. Roof tops I went to Sushi Samba which offers a great view of the Gherkin. Lastly, Jaaguarshoes Collective is a local hang out for casual drinks.

Amsterdam/Eindhoven/The Hague, The Netherlands

Going to Holland is always about catching up with everyone. I also flew from London to Amsterdam as cheap as 37 euro that’s why I love travelling within Europe because of the ease of transport. I’m typically staying at Joffrey’s house in Eindhoven. We always cozy up on his velvet couch in the late evening watching our fav old French show Kaamelott. In the evening I had dinner with my old friend Alain who is half Dutch and half French. We checked out the new hot spot called Kazerne which had a lovely exhibit.

This time I was in Amsterdam meeting up with Jessica. We always have planned for me to go visit the museum where she works at but every time I’m arriving by train so late in the afternoon that I keep missing out. Bummer! However, we grabbed a local Thai food where there was probably 5 tables. It was so tiny but the food was good. We then intended to go for a quick shop to Filippa K (one of my fav shops) but it had already closed by 7 pm.

Next, we just continued strolling around what I find to be the romantic Amsterdam with the light exhibits on the canals. We grabbed some drinks at the Hoxton lounge (one of my fav places to go chill in Amsterdam), and then she insisted on grabbing another drink at a club I’ve never been to, which was ChinChin. There was a karaoke bar, restaurant, and club all in one place. I like catching the train back with her and just keep on conversing about life, our careers, blogging, shopping, personal style, and recently about our love life, dating, and relationships. Needless to mention how glad I am to have getting to know her.

The following day I caught an early train ride from Eindhoven to The Hague to grab brunch with the crew made of Kimberley, Silvana, and finally got to meet Sebastian. We chatted and laughed about everything at the local brunch names Bartine. It was good to see them all. Then afterwards, I had the honor to stroll around the Hague with Sebastian as my personal tour guide. He was showing me the old government buildings, describing the architectural styles, and the history behind them.

And it was already time to head back to Eindhoven to meet up for dinner with other friends. So the lovely Anne showed up with Joffrey. Unfortunately, my friend from work Sander (a Belge guy) and his wife couldn’t stay late into the evening as they have a little toddler to attend to so I only got to see them very briefly. The next day which was Saturday, Jo and I packed our bags, got into the car and set our GPS direction towards Paris to meet up with my sister for a late brunch.

Paris, France

Ahhh Paris is always my fav place in the world! Always crazy and fun at the same time with my lovely sis Britney and the Parisian crew. You probably may have noticed but I also avidly avoid tourristy areas there. I always prefer our local hang outs or discover new hot spots that most tourists are unaware of. We hung out in the newly trend food hall style La Félicita, had a bite and a few drinks then danced our night away.

We also celebrated New Year’s eve in our own terms. No rules nor tips to follow. We simply created our own way of having a great time. No overpriced club tickets bought online, no house party on our agenda. Remember that the best plan is no plan after all. We just walked up towards the Champs-Elysee then grabbed food and drinks at the Beer Station.

The area had been blocked off for the fire work show around the arc de Triomphe but we were located right at the edge of the landmark. Stayed warm, had food and cheering on red wine then champagne, watching the fireworks all in safety and warmth instead of mingling with the crowds on the Champs-Elysee avenue where it was counted that over 150,000 people attended the event. We took the party further towards Pigalle area at the Carmen club where we met the cutie barman Romeo who had a generous amount of dating advice to give away haha.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get much free time at hand to see the group of Paris girls (sorry! Next time for sure!) but got to do a quicky apero at Taler’s house. I got to meet her boyfriend, her cousin from the US, and her other friends. My sister later showed up too!

Tours, France

This was a truly special trip into the wine country of Loire Valley. Typically every time I visit my parents’ house in the Center of France, we’d stop by the neighboring area to go wine tasting and coming back home with boxes of a variety of wines. We are also very intimate with the wine makers of the region so it’s always a pleasure to say hi. But this time, I’d convinced my sister and our friend Aja to come along with me to visit the Tours region and meet up with Antoine at the Domaine de Cray.

It was a lovely wine tour into the sparkling white wine production, the famous Cremant de Loire, where he was showing us the art of riddling wine a la méthode Champenoise. He was showing up the assembly line with some level of automation for the first fermentation to take place where the natural sugar from the grapes are converted into alcohol and letting the carbon dioxide escape from the bottle and makes the base wine or the cuvée. It’s not usually very tasty as it is very acidic. Antoine showed us where these cuvée were stored in those large chambers and even had a sip of it together with the tuxedo cat who serves as great company. I recommend anyone to stop by this winery!

If you made it to read this line, well thanks for reading my stories. Let me know if you enjoy these narratives as much as I do or rather want tips for travel but either way don’t hesitate to drop a comment and I’ll look forward to your inputs.

  Best of 2018 Travel Hi everyone, I guess it's never too late to wish you all a wonderful happy new year!

[kuriquinn]

What age did you realize you were bisexual, and how did you come out to your friends and family?

Hm, I don’t think there was a specific age or point where I realised, I think I just always was. Of course I grew up as a kid with that whole notion of growing up and getting a boyfriend and getting married and that whole spiel, but the closer I got to high school the less focused I was a on the “boyfriend” aspect.  

I think, due in part to the very repressive school environment I was in during high school (private Catholic girls), I developed a really rebellious nature and just on principal became a lot more open to ideas that were traditionally looked down on there and which I could apply to myself. I actually embraced paganism between my first and second year of high school because what they were teaching in religion and our general assemblies just didn’t make sense to me, logically or spiritually, but that’s a story for another time ^_^ 

I had had a friend from primary school  make fun of me going to an all-girls school, mocking me and saying i was going to be a lesbian when I was done (coincidentally, i met her again in college and it turned out she was a lesbian...go figure!), and my first reaction was to get angry and mad at that idea, but as time went on, i was like, why would that be so bad? it wouldn’t matter to me if I was with a woman or not, as long as i was happy. 

Also, I had my first girl crush at that time. It was someone who was two years ahead of me in school and she was gorgeous (I won’t name names, but she’s a pretty well-known Canadian actress now, so she was already out of my league then...and straight) and I was waaaaay too intimidated to go anywhere near her. I was the classic self-conscious weird girl with glasses and braces crushing on a vibrant, extroverted and popular girl *shrug*

Anyway. So, by the time I hit my graduating year, I was pretty secure in the knowledge that I liked both guys and girls (though at the time I was more into guys than girls; right now in my life, I like them both equally, though I think women are the more aesthetically pleasing of the group...unless the guy is like chris hemsworth or david tennant or someone like that ^_^). I was also at the “I fucking dare anyone at this school to make me feel bad about myself for that” stage, too. 

I never really lost that, tbh. 

As for when I came out to my friends and family...well, my friends always knew. Since high school, whenever I talked about a possible romantic partner I always say “my future husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend”, I don’t even think about that. I think with my mom, I started throwing that into conversation while I was in college/university, because that’s when we started talking about that stuff. She told me she didn’t understand bisexuality (to her she saw it only as being indecisive or a possible disease carrier), but she wasn’t hostile to me. She just said it was what she thought, but she didn’t care as long as I was happy.

And these days she seems to get it, so she did come around. Also, I’m pretty sure she just wants me to settle down, whether it’s with a guy or a girl. As long as whoever I’m with treats me well and “gets me”. 

My dad doesn’t really care one way or another because those kinds of issues never mattered to him. The only thing he really cares about is cars. So, if I showed up at the front door with a woman, he probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash. But if she turned up in a Jeep or a Pontiac, then he’d judge (can confirm, we are very much car snobs in the family, due to being three generations of European mechanics :P) and she’d be found wanting haha. He’s so the opposite of the rigid German-Austrian of his parents, it’s hilarious. They get so uptight about some stuff and he’s just like... Meh. 

(I get a lot of my inspiration for writing Sasuke from my dad, because he’s just so calm about everything haha).

my brother’s the same. He doesn’t care.

As for the rest of my family, I don’t see them/interact with them enough to hear/care about what they think about it. I don’t hide it, if that’s what you mean (I’m pretty much listed on facebook as being bi), but I also don’t walk around with a strap-on dildo and sing it from the high heavens, you know?

TL;DR My bisexual identity and coming out weren’t really a big thing. It all just happened real casual like, and the people who know are the ones who matter, and they’re all okay with it. Even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t care, because the important thing is to be okay with me.

So if you’re struggling with your own bisexuality, you have to figure out what you want and what will make you happy. Obviously, it depends on your family situation and your self-confidence level (if my parents weren’t cool and supportive about it my story would have been a lot harder, but I’m pretty sure I would have gotten to the same place eventually), but the most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Even if you don’t have the luxury of coming out in your current situation, just having your own self-affirmation of the fact takes a real load of your shoulders. 

But everyone in their own time and their own manner, right?

Thanks for the ask.

[ayalaatreides]

Nanbaka Fic: Drop That Penny!

Chapter 2! Continued from Chapter 1! Enjoy!

Summary: Momoko's secret is out, but what is Hajime going to do with this new information? Will social awkwardness ruin it all???

Chapter 1: Kind of Embarrassing Pairing: Momoko Hyakushiki/Hajime Sugoroku Rating: General Audiences Characters: Momoko, Hajime, Mitsuru, with a Jyugo guest appearance.

Momoko stared in open-mouthed shock, one hand outstretched towards the door that had just slammed shut. He… he just ran away again!

She put her palms to her face and let out a pitiful wail. "What just happened?! It was going so well!" she whimpered behind her fingers.

Of course Hajime would get scared off eventually! Clearly, she'd done something wrong, again, but she didn't even know what it was this time! She slumped in her chair and listlessly rested her head in one hand as she picked up her chopsticks and fiddled with the rice on her plate. Her eyes landed on her other hand, the one that had brushed against his for one glorious, heart-stopping second.

Wait, what if he saw how I reacted? What if he realized…? Momoko's eyes widened in horror. But if he realized how I feel, and he ran away again, then… "Oh, nooo!" she cried, burying her face in her palms again. What a complete disaster!

------------------------

Dealing with a Warden who hated him was easy enough; all he had to do was keep his head down and work hard. Hajime Sugoroku found himself utterly at a loss for how to proceed with a Momoko Hyakushiki who liked him.

The Warden. The head of Nanba Prison, his superior officer. She, apparently, was harboring a crush on him.

Well, at least the Dog's jealousy and animosity made sense all of a sudden. If the Warden had been pining away all this time, then she'd probably never even noticed Kenshirou's own longing gazes. Which was kind of sadly ironic for Kenshirou, but not really Hajime's problem.

All this was going through Hajime's mind as he sat at his desk, going through the paperwork he hadn't had time to finish before going to dinner with the Warden.

Everything had a routine when it came to filling out reports.

Paperwork was calming.

Orderly.

No unexpected events.

Unlike a certain revelation he'd had earlier that night.

The click of the doorknob made Hajime jump in his chair. He hurriedly steadied himself and shuffled his papers. Seitarou walked into the room, registering some surprise that Hajime was still there. He inquired, "Ah, sir, did anything important come up at the meeting with the Warden? I understood you were taking the night off for the dinner."

Hajime forced himself to remain impassive as he shook his head. "It was uneventful, but the Warden had to take a call from the Ministry of Justice, so we ended a bit early. I decided to catch up before I go to bed." He frowned. "Actually, why are you here? Did Prisoner 1315 try to escape again?"

Seitarou shook his head. "No, it's Prisoner 1399. He's convinced himself he has to hide outside his cell to complete his ninja training. I was going to find Deputy Supervisor Yamato, but you're here..."

"And he won't go back in his cell," sighed Hajime. "All right; let's go sort this out."

------------------------

Hajime was usually very, very focused. There wasn't much that could distract him from his work. However, he'd never had to deal with a superior officer wanting to date him before. Here he was, in his office the day after that dinner, and he still couldn't pay attention. He'd actually made mistakes, plural, on his paperwork. He'd even had to get a new form for one report write-up, since the first form had so much white-out on it.

"This is absurd," he muttered, shoving the paperwork away. So, the Warden had some sort of crush on him, so what? Why did that mean that he couldn't focus all of a sudden? He wasn't some sappy schoolboy- even when he'd been an actual schoolboy, he'd never been the sappy kind. So what the hell was wrong with him all of a sudden? It wasn't as if he was looking for a girlfriend and was actually considering this as a potential opportunity. "I'm almost thirty, I'm too old to be fidgeting over shit like this," he grumbled.

He hadn't really dated since he was a teenager. Once he'd decided to get serious about a career as a correctional officer, he'd put all that aside to stay focused. It had been surprisingly easy to stay single all this time; he was fine on his own, generally speaking, and he always had been. Plus, most women seemed to find him off-putting. They'd approach him and then leave shortly after he started talking to them. Maybe he looked too mean. Maybe he was too brusque. Regardless, it had never bothered him much. Most of those women hadn't really had anything in common with him, anyway. The one time he'd tried to date again, in his early 20s, the woman in question had cited his "workaholic" tendencies as the reason why she was breaking up with him. It'd stung, but he'd respected her honesty- why should two people stay together if they couldn't keep up with each other's lives? It wouldn't be fair of him to expect a woman to put up with his admittedly aggressive ambitions, and it wouldn't be fair of her to expect him to be less ambitious, even if it did make him a workaholic.

I've heard that one, too. The Warden's words from the night before popped back into his mind. Now that he was thinking about it, he supposed that was something they did have in common. The thought, oddly, made him even more jittery.

He got up and went to the break room. Maybe the short walk and a cup of green tea would calm him down and get him back to normal. A few minutes later, he sank onto the break room couch with a sigh, sipping from a steaming cup of tea as he waited for the liquid to cool some more. He felt himself uncoiling a bit as the warmth from the tea began to suffuse within him.

As he sipped his tea, he realized what the source of his problem was: it had never occurred to him that the Warden was… a person, really. He wasn't one to question his colleagues' personal lives, generally speaking, and even less so when that colleague was both his superior officer and utterly terrifying and out for his blood (or so he'd thought). Obviously she was a person, but he'd never stopped to wonder what she did with her free time, what she was like off-duty- or what kind of people, if any, she was interested in. As it turned out, the answer to that last one was "Hajime Sugoroku", and that was the kicker. He'd never even considered that the Warden might have romantic inclinations sometimes, and it would never have occurred to him in a million years that those feelings might be aimed at himself.

And that was why the dinner last night had been so surprising. He'd actually been enjoying her company, if he was being totally honest with himself. Sure, it had been weird at first, but at a certain point he'd felt… comfortable. And it was because he'd been spending time with the Warden as a person, rather than his superior officer. He'd gotten to meet Momoko, rather than Warden Hyakushiki, and it had been actually pretty nice- in fact, it was probably the nicest social interaction he'd had in years.

"Guess there's nothing wrong with a friendly, casual dinner once in a while," Hajime said grudgingly. A friendly and casual dinner, with a colleague… who was also his superior officer… who was also a woman with a crush on him… a very tall and striking woman with an imposing bearing and a piercing stare, and those were admirable traits in a superior officer... but she also had those traits as a person… a person with feelings… a single person with feelings specifically for himself...

She did have kind of a cute smile, too.

He groaned harshly and buried his face in his palms. "This is so ridiculous. This is childish," he muttered into his hands.

It was rather good fortune that nobody entered the room in the five or ten minutes Hajime had to himself. Just as he was bracing himself to go back to his paperwork and its slew of mistakes, his radio went off with a call from a very, very lost Deputy Supervisor. Hajime practically bolted out the door of the break room, glad for the distraction.

After he'd sent Yamato on his way, a slight movement in the shadows caught his eye, and he barked, "Prisoner Number 15, get out of there. I'll be taking you back to your cell."

A muted sigh echoed down the hallway, and Jyugo stepped out into the light. "That was faster than usual."

"I was paying closer attention this time," Hajime retorted.

Jyugo reluctantly fell into step with Hajime after a moment of enduring Hajime's expectant stare, and they began their walk along the twisting path that led back to Cell 13, Hajime having made sure he kept Jyugo's uniform firmly in hand so the prisoner wouldn't run off on the return journey.

"Hey, Hajime, are you in a worse mood than usual?" Jyugo asked out of nowhere. Hajime's grip tightened on the collar of his jumpsuit as he tried not to visibly jump at the sudden question.

"Why do you think that?!" Hajime growled. Jyugo just shrugged.

"Uno always says I have a good sense about people," he remarked.

"Number 11, huh?" Hajime muttered. "Makes me question his sense about people if he actually thinks that."

"Does it have something to do with that dinner invitation from the Warden?" Jyugo asked.

Hajime stopped dead in his tracks and whirled the cheeky brat around, bringing him face to face.

"How the hell do you know about that?!" he snapped.

"It was noisy in my cell last night so I went to the break room for a nap. Your office was unlocked- usually that doesn't make a difference to me, but I normally stay out of there, just as a courtesy," Jyugo told him.

"Courtesy?!" Hajime echoed, outraged.

"Yeah. Well, I saw that invite on your desk and-"

"Keep your nose in your own business where it belongs!" Hajime ordered. With that, he hoisted Jyugo up by his collar and carried him all the way back to his cell, suspended in the air like a misbehaving pup.

After he'd tossed the thrashing, whining brat into his cell, Hajime retreated to his office to finish up that paperwork- only to remember he hadn't procured a fresh copy of the last form he'd messed up beyond repair. He threw his hands up in the air and shook his head in dismay. This entire day had been an absolute waste of productive working hours. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be in the right frame of mind to do this properly, he decided. But not before locking up that invitation. Once it was safely stowed away, he stepped out again and headed towards the officer's mess hall. It was almost dinnertime, anyway.

------------------------

"Hey, Hajime, was that dinner meeting a date with the Warden?"

Hajime bit back a startled yell as he stepped into his office, only to find Jyugo sitting at his desk with Kuu curled around the back of his neck.

"What the hell, Number 15?!" he roared. "I was gone for less than an hour!" This was getting absurd; he'd just stepped away for dinner and this was what he'd come back to?

"Yeah, well, I told the other guys what happened and they think you had a date with the Warden," Jyugo remarked. He stood up and walked right over, holding his wrists out docilely. Kuu, having jumped off Jyugo's shoulders when he stood up, padded over to a corner of the room and began licking his paws daintily. Hajime eyed the prisoner suspiciously.

"You came all the way over here just to give up? Just like that, huh?" he said warily.

"I was gonna go to sleep, but those guys thought you might need a pep talk," Jyugo said with a shrug. He held his arms out even further and flapped his fingers slightly, like he was telling Hajime to get on with it.

"What do you mean, pep talk?" Hajime growled. He wasted no time in grabbing his cuffs and securing the wayward prisoner's wrists. If this kid really was going to let himself be caught and returned to his cell so obediently, Hajime wasn't about to let the opportunity go to waste.

"Ow! Those are tight," Jyugo muttered as the cuffs closed around his wrists.

"Shut up, we both know you'll loosen them anyway," Hajime snapped. He pointed sternly at the door and marched Jyugo out into the hallway. "Now, why the hell do you think you're going to give me a pep talk?"

Jyugo heaved an aggravated sigh and explained, "You came and gave me a pep talk after the tournament, remember?"

"You're an idiot," Hajime told him briskly. "That 'pep talk' was because you were just shutting down and giving up, rather than dealing with your problems head-on."

"Maybe," Jyugo muttered, sulking a little at the frank assessment. "But you're not being much better than that right now, are you?"

"I'm absolutely dying to see where you're going with this," Hajime said dryly, teeth gritted over his indignation. This kid had quite the brave streak, trying to discuss his supervising officer's personal life.

Jyugo proceeded to keep talking, apparently immune to the sarcasm. "Uno reckons you had a date with the Warden but you're not gonna go for it because, uhh- oh, right, he says you have a stick up your butt."

"Oh, does he?" Hajime ground out through gritted teeth.

"Nico thinks so too, because he read a manga like that once," Jyugo rambled on. "It was something like, the queen's bodyguard denies his love for her because he thinks-"

"Your cellmates have some interesting opinions about my personal life," Hajime interrupted pointedly.

"Anyway, like I said, you're the one who told me I wasn't selfish enough. You said I should want something for myself; shouldn't you take your own advice too?" Jyugo said. "Otherwise you really shouldn't lecture people, right?"

Hajime opened his mouth to tell the brat off, but… damn, did the kid have a point there? "I think I'm pretty well positioned to be lecturing a kid who's been a prisoner most of his life," Hajime retorted, but it sounded weak even to himself.

Jyugo just turned and lifted an eyebrow to Hajime. Hajime supposed he could call it a small favor that after that last final riposte from the brat, he kept blissfully silent the rest of the way to Cell 13 - until they were mere steps away from the cell door, where Jyugo just had to pipe up one more time.

"Also, Rock reckons it'd make life easier for us if you had a girlfriend because it might calm you down-"

Hajime bristled. "Get in there!" he snapped, hurling the damn kid into his cell. Neither he nor his cellmates had anything to say after Hajime slammed the cell door shut and rammed the bolt home.

------------------------

"That brat has a hell of a rude mouth on him!" Hajime fumed as he returned to his office. No other inmate in the prison would've dared to speak so casually to him. He was going to have to put his foot down and be stricter from now on, and remind Seitarou and Yamato to be on their toes more around those four characters in Cell 13, in particular.

Hajime began busying himself processing the paperwork in his "in" tray, thankful that he hadn't had to reach for the white-out at all, that his pens weren't going dry at an inconvenient time, and his signature stamps were crisp and clear each time he thwacked the wooden cylinder against the page.

The routine quickly lulled his mind, and his thoughts wandered back to his dinner with the Warden. It had gone pretty well until that strange incident with the magazine; come to think of it, the Warden hadn't sent any memos regarding anything in the last day or so, so that could be good - or bad. What did her silence on the subject mean? Was she angry that he'd run out on their dinner? Was she embarrassed?

If she wasn't mad about it, though, then maybe, if Hajime was being honest with himself… it might be nice to try again. He surprised himself with the thought; he'd been so sure that he was past the desire for companionship. That he didn't need it or want it.

You said I should want something for myself; shouldn't you take your own advice too?

Prisoner Number fifteen's words went through his mind, unbidden.

But then-no, it was absurd! Warden Hyakushiki was his boss, and it wouldn't be appropriate. It couldn't work out.

Or could it?

It was hardly the first or last time in human history such a relationship had begun. They were the same age and Momoko clearly wasn't the type to take advantage of her authority over him; if she was going to, surely she'd have done it already. The lack of memos from her office suggested he probably wasn't going to get fired for running off. She was too young and too driven to let such professional discourtesy happen… which is exactly how he'd have handled it if he'd been in her place. They really were alike, after all.

And wasn't that, mused Hajime, at least one definition of companionship? Knowing each other's nature, especially the parts normally kept hidden from everybody else? After all, nobody exactly knew just what was going on in the Warden's head when she cast her flat looks at the guards and supervisors around her; even Hajime was only just starting to get an inkling of the truth, but that was more than anyone else at Nanba probably had.

Hajime reached automatically for the "in" tray, only to jerk in surprise as his hand hit the plastic bottom. He looked at the time and realized it was long past due for him to have a break. There was just one last thing to take care of before he went for yet another cup of coffee. Grabbing up a piece of paper and a pen, he crafted a carefully-worded request to the Warden. Strictly business, that was all, but his heart was pounding embarrassingly fast as he wrote. Which was ridiculous. He just had some reports to deliver - they did need to discuss any number of prison-related issues, after all.

Although it wouldn't hurt to try and gauge her mood after the disastrous end to that dinner. He should at least figure out if she resented him… for professional reasons.

------------------------

Momoko was pretty proud of herself; right from the start, she'd always made it a priority to not let her feelings get in the way of professionalism. As much as she utterly adored Hajime Sugoroku, the last thing she wanted was to let her emotions undo all the effort she'd poured into getting this far in her career. Not to mention, she'd just die of shame if he ever felt pressured because of her. She was well aware of how it could look in his eyes, with her being in a position of authority over him. And so she'd spent all this time walking a razor-thin line to hide her emotions and keep her wild daydreams separate from mundane reality. Even when dining with him, aside from that one slip-up at the end, she'd carefully kept a safe distance between her emotions and the polite detachment of a professional working relationship.

But oh, never before had it been so incredibly difficult! It had been two days since that dinner, with zero contact between herself and her dear Hajime. Of course, it wasn't as if they'd had regular contact before this- their duties had always dictated the few but precious moments she got to spend in his company. But now, the silence was glaring and agonizing. Was he angry, now that he knew how she felt? Was he appalled at her inappropriate feelings? Or had she misinterpreted his reaction entirely and he still didn't know? She had no idea, and that was the worst part.

And so, when a missive arrived from Building 13, she was practically shaking as she dismissed the messenger and waited impatiently for him to shut the door on his way out- and she tore the envelope open in her haste to get at its contents.

"He… wants to meet with me!" she gasped. Granted, it was just a request for a normal meeting about prison business, but it was still a chance to see him! Maybe there'd be some sign in his behavior to reassure her that he didn't hate her now.

Forcing composure upon herself, pulled up her scheduler and set the meeting for first thing the next morning, then she reached for a blank piece of paper and a pen to write out a response acknowledging receipt of the meeting request and the time. She deposited it in her "out" tray, then tried to push her anticipation aside as she reached for her daily paperwork.

------------------------

The next morning, Warden Momoko Hyakushiki took extra care in front of her mirror: her uniform buttons were all polished, her suit and pants utterly free of any stray lint, and her cap set firmly on her head. She'd also taken extra time brushing her hair after her shower, making sure no strands fell out of place.

She tugged her uniform jacket down just a bit, then nodded to herself as she turned to leave her quarters: she was ready to see Hajime Sugoroku. She was even proud of herself for not drifting off mentally during her trip to her office (even if she had momentarily wondered what it would be like to touch his ungloved hand).

In her office, Momoko sat ramrod straight as she awaited Hajime's arrival. It was, in fact, just a minute shy of nine in the morning; he was quite punctual, and as her watch ticked over to nine precisely, the door alert signalled that he was present.

Hajime stepped into her office (as usual, her heart leaped) and, apparently all-business, stepped forward to greet her. "Warden. I believe we have some business to discuss."

Momoko briefly stood, hoping she didn't look as nervous as she felt, and gestured to a chair. "Let's begin."

As she sat down, she studied Hajime's face, scrutinizing his features closely for any hint as to the workings of his mind while he flipped through his reports. His expression was so flat, she couldn't tell a thing! She clasped her hands on her desk, trying not to fidget. What if they went through this whole meeting without even acknowledging that the dinner had happened? Was she going to have to confront disappointment once more?

With the last report done, Hajime stood and bowed graciously. "Thank you for your patience, Warden. I'll… take my leave now."

"Of course, thank you for presenting your reports," Momoko replied, her heart sinking. Was that really it? He was going to leave without even talking about it? But at the same time… had he hesitated for just a second there?

Hajime inclined his head politely and turned towards the door, walking slowly away from her desk- only to stop short halfway to the door.

Momoko, sure he could hear the sudden thud of her heart against her ribcage, said, "Is there anything else, Supervisor?"

He huffed slightly and shifted his weight. "Well…"

Momoko sat forward, palms sweating inside her gloves. "Yes, Supervisor?" She wasn't sure if she ought to be excited… or worried!

Hajime actually scratched the back of his neck at that point and now Momoko could hardly sit still. He never fidgeted like that, not in her presence! "It's kind of embarrassing, actually," he muttered. Without turning around, he added, "I forgot to thank you for hosting me at dinner the other night."

"O-oh. Well, the evening did end somewhat suddenly," Momoko said, her foot bouncing under her desk.

"Right… I wanted to apologize for that, too," Hajime said. Momoko was glad he wasn't looking her way; she was leaning forward so far that her hair was brushing her desk's edge. "Uh, I hope I'm not overstepping, or- or misinterpreting, but… the dinner was… pleasant. It was nice. I realized that I don't really know you that well, so, uh- Perhaps if… we were to have a second dinner?"

"A-a second dinner?" Momoko echoed, heart pounding in her ears. Inwardly she chanted, please please please let this really be happening, please please please...

Hajime glanced back at her, not quite making eye contact. "Yeah. To… get to know each other better."

"I see," Momoko said, and her voice had hit an embarrassingly high pitch. He could definitely see how red her face was. Could he tell that her clasped hands were shaking on her desk?

"Well?" Hajime prompted, and now his face was red too, and Momoko honestly thought she might cry.

"Y-yes, we could- certainly- yes," Momoko agreed, her composure breaking and a wide smile spreading over her face.

"Good. Thanks. I'll go now." Hajime bolted out the door.

Momoko counted down from ten, and then buried her face in her hands and let out the loudest squeal of delight she'd yet uttered since she first laid eyes on Hajime Sugoroku.

This time, dinner would be perfect!