kristmullet

[kristmullet]

My Journey to Delmar

Wow, blog #3! Who knew I had it in me??

My love life(if it could be called that) was never fun and mostly just confusing and messy until I found my husband. 

I’d had crushes on boys when I was young but my first “boyfriend”(psh!)  was in 8th grade. Back then I had a group of friends that was pretty evenly mixed boys and girls. At that time, we all basically played square dance with each other(it was just a case of switching partners when the last girl was done with whoever she was “dating” at the time. embarrassing, I know). My first actual guy who acknowledged the mutual crush we had on each other and put that boyfriend/girlfriend label on us was a boy named “B” (names changed out of embarrassment). He was sweet, funny, somewhat shy as well, but never seemed embarrassed of me. It was a quick, young thing that ended for reasons I’m not sure(patterns start here). I casually dated/crushed on other “square dance partners” from that friend group with little heartbreak or consequence. It seemed like I always had more feelings for them than they ever had for me(also pattern). I was friends lots of guys as well at school just because they were generally more fun/funny than the girls. My style at that time also started to transition to more of a punk/emo style that made me feel more comfortable and like myself. 

Anyway, my next, more serious, “square dance partner” in that friends group started innocently enough, with pretty little thought that this one would actually change my life pretty intensely. This relationship started out pretty chill. Mostly just hanging out, taking walks, sitting together at parties(if they could be called parties). “O” was even my first kiss. Sadly, this was a time I initiated and felt like I was more into him than he was to me. We started hanging out more and more and with my close friends less and less. He started to lightly pressure me and guilt me in little ways that I didn’t even really notice. He would make small comments about things he liked and disliked about me. Sometimes he would contradict himself but I just assumed I misunderstood him the first time. He would even tell me things that I knew instinctively(!) were lies and stories but I just figured I was wrong. Slowly his moods, attitudes, preferences would start going from one extreme to another. His stories got more unbelievable but they also preyed on my want/need to help and take care of others. He had claims of abuse, neglect, being poor, but all of it had a ring of believe-ability to it all. So I always tried to protect and help in whatever way I could, even financially.  With his swinging preferences, one day he would love my style, then say I was a “poser.” He wanted me to be a “bad girl”, then wanted me to be more “innocent.” He would love my curves, tell me I was fat, tell me to leave alone, then call me and tell me not to hang up for hours. Make me stay with him while he cried and tell me to go F*** myself basically. I sincerely stopped believing everything that I thought. **Big disclaimer: Ladies, Always trust your instincts. Don’t brush off that nagging voice. If you think someone is lying to you, they probably are. For those of you believers, I fully believe this nagging women’s intuition that people always talk about is the holy spirit trying to guide you. Don’t ignore that gut feeling. It can save you time, money, energy, heart break, and possibly your life. I’m not exaggerating when I say there are times I think this intuition saved my life.**

I second guessed everything. I mean everything. What I thought, wore, said, how I acted, even as little as what I listened to with my music. I would talk to my few remaining friends about him but I shielded him. I made everything sound less bad. I cannot stress to you how much he just straight up made me think I was wrong. Always wrong.  I went from having normal female teenage emotions to my feelings predicated on his and his swung so hard that I felt just sad and anxious so much of the time. I didn’t even realize it either. Hindsight has cleared this up so much. So how the hell was I supposed to get away from this? I didn’t! I believe 100% that God used his mood swings to save me. He decided he hated his life in Indiana so much that he ran away to his biological mothers house in Washington. Also around this time he told me that his mother was diagnosed as bipolar and that he thought he was too. This did start to connect the dots for me in some ways but also made me feel like a crap person if I gave up on someone who was mentally ill. He straight out told me that he would never get on medication and never talk to a therapist. He thought it would take out his spirit of who he was(or some ridiculous crap like that). Even with this, I was so controlled that I still stayed with his ass. He would call and message at all hours to talk, to beg for us to be together, to cry, to yell, to vent about how terrible his life was. He even would tell me how he hated me but didn’t want to break up, but wanted to get another girlfriend who was better, hotter, would “take care of his needs”, as a second girlfriend. That broke my heart. Destroyed me. Made me feel like a piece of trash that had to be discarded to the side but was kept around for the scraps. 

Finally, one night he flippantly said he wanted to break-up so he could be with this girlfriend(whom he did cheat on me with). I just said OK. I do not think he knew I meant it. He wanted me back almost immediately the next day but I decided I was done. I even eventually had to block him because he was still trying to manipulate me. 

After that, I was a bit more hesitant with my heart. I still tried to just have fun with guys(laugh, make jokes, etc), but I second guessed when I thought I maybe had a crush on someone. Even now looking back, I remember boys pretty obviously flirting with with me but I thought they were actually making fun of me. I couldn’t fathom someone genuinely flirting with someone who looked like me, who was as uncool as me. Sad, huh?

The next guy I even attempted anything with was this super friendly guy I had class with. I crushed on him and I figured he didn’t have  a crush on me but he was kind enough that he’d go to prom with me if I asked(he was a sophomore, so could not go by himself, so it made sense to me to ask him.). He agreed to go and we went. It was a pretty fun night, lots of dancing but nothing too remarkable. At the end of the night, after having an ok time, I got pretty bummed out when he basically left me at that. Polite after that but pretty much stopped being friends. 

After a while, one of my friends invited me to go to a random guy she somewhat knew house to hang(aka she wanted to make out with said dude but didn’t want to go alone). I went, hung(very uncomfortably), and ended up being set up with make-out dudes buddy, “W”. This was another time I was half-sure I was being made fun of or being set up as a total joke. “W” had no balls to even ask me out himself. It was fully ridiculous, BUT, we dated for maybe a month. This was another time where I initiated the first kiss. I basically always felt like a joke with him. Like he was going to throw up when he kissed me. He ended up breaking up with me in front of his bosses house after hanging out the whole evening, just to get back with his ex-girlfriend the next day. Yey for me.

I even met some dumb joker who was a friend of a friend. I think our first interaction was on instant messenger. Two dates, me driving 35 minutes to meet up with him both times. He immediately gets back with his baby mama. I never wanted to admit that one. I will say that these terrible “relationships” all came back to this complete lack of self confidence and respect. I wasn’t worth anything better. Totally thought this. 

After I met my husband, I still continued to have these thoughts. Still wondered when the other shoe would drop. When would he drop me and find out it was all a joke or a lie? Even in the past year, I am realizing I still allowed those things put in my brain long ago to still affect my feelings today. I’m still working today to be more clear and accurate in how I feel and how I look at myself. Also, allowing myself to feel happy and good when someone(AKA hubby) wants me to be happy and feel good. Insane but God is still working in my heart and head. 

Also, I can’t emphasize how much my husband has done to be steady and strong, caring and loving. I know I’ve never told my husband the extent of what happened in my relationships in the past, so the fact that he has always been such a rock is that much more amazing. Whether or he knows it or not, he saved me. Literally saved me from everything I could have put myself through. I could never repay him. Ever. I’ll love him forever. 

[kristmullet]

How I got involved with “The Amish” ;)

This was another time when I said “never” and God laughed hysterically. 

I had a friend in high school who, almost exclusively, dated/hung-out with Amish/j.o. guys(j.o. is a slang term for people who used to be amish and were either in rumspringa or just left the amish completely. Its not the nicest thing to call people but its a really common phrase in Indiana). I didn’t exactly have great feelings for j.o. kids. I’d heard plenty of horror stories and not many glowing reviews. So I had it put in my mind that they were a huge NO. Well, one day I was at work just counting the minutes til I could leave. I texted my friend hoping she was doing something interesting with her evening, rather than be a boring dork like I was. She said her, her boyfriend, and his friend were going to a party(!) and I could come if I wanted. Little did I know the friend was Delmar.

Delmar was 100% opposite of me. Let me explain. At the time I was shy(still am), awkward(still a thing), and emo. Mostly black, red, gray, and white clothes, eyeliner, hair over my eyes, etc, etc. Delmar was not. He was outgoing, didn’t necessarily care what others thought, was more cowboy or rapper style(depending on the day). Needless to say, very different from me. 

Unbeknownst to me, Delmar was told he could only hang out with us if he would pick on me and embarrass me all night(real nice friends right?). Oh yea, they throw in free beer for him too. Being the kinda wild boy he was, he said yes. The first I saw of Delmar, all I remember was me being fully awkward(like I do), and him and the “boyfriend” razzing me. 

I was totally nervous about the entire night and had never been to an Amish party before. We drove to the party in “boyfriends” big, jacked up truck with not much room in the back seat for passengers. At the first stop of the night, I stuck close to my friend and was a total outsider. Friend, “boyfriend”, and Delmar mingled comfortably and I awkwardly stuck to my friends hip like glue. We ended up making a few stops that night and drove around a lot looking for other parties. Nearing the end of the night, driving around in the jacked up truck, friend and “boyfriend” too interested in each other to worry much about the other two people in the truck. Delmar and I didn’t talk a whole lot but the back seat was awful cramped. 

We sped up and down back roads and eventually our knees bumped. Being the painfully shy and anxious person I am, I noticed. Our knees eventually bumped again. And again. After a bit I noticed(and maybe I experimented) with our knees touching longer and longer until I stopped pulling my knees away. By time we got back to my friends house, neither of us acknowledged what happened. So I chalked it up to my over analyzing the situation. 

We sat around and, I think, watched TV or something and everyone decided we were gonna stay at friends house for the night(sorry mom!). Friend and “boyfriend” took the bed and oh-so-kindly left us the floor beside her bed. Friend and “boyfriend” fell asleep pretty quickly. Delmar and I took our respective sides of the floor and lay down quietly. After a while, we both turned over. I still, to this day, don’t know who made the first move forward, Delmar or I, but either way, we had our first kiss. We ended up kissing and talking long into the night. By the next morning, we had exchanged numbers and I was pretty smitten with this funny guy that was different and sweet. In fact, that evening we went to the movies just us two to watch a western(which is a genre which I truly don’t like) called “3:10 to Yuma.” I still have no idea what happens in that movie. From that night on, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I was hesitant(because I’d had my heart stomped on before), but I was all in.

We started seeing each other basically every day. I would take him home from work most nights(because of car issues) but starting right then, I was absolutely not allowed in his parents house. In fact, I remember not pulling up all the way in his driveway. Honestly, I was pretty nervous about one of his parents coming out and yelling at me or something crazy. 

We did have one breakup early in our relationship about 1-2 weeks in  I think it lasted a total of 24 hours. Obviously hurt and upset me but I am now 100% sure it had to do with family and the pressure of having an “english” girlfriend for an “amish” boy. Obviously we got back together and it was basically forgotten. We would hang out constantly, basically never had a weekend apart. There was a ton of growth and learning about each other in that time. I really think we were pretty alien to each other. I learned inch by inch about his past, his habits, and just every little bit that I could figure out. I finished high school and he even took me to my senior prom(I love that dress and that night would’ve never been the same with someone else who didn’t care about me). I graduated in ‘08, which coincided with the recession. We had our first taste of hardship then. Delmar had medical bills and he did spend a little time out of state to try to pay those down. He came back pretty soon after that. 

I’m not sure how this decision was actually made, but we decided to move together to Fort Wayne, where Delmar had a job offer and I had college. Those were some of the hardest times of our lives due to jobs, money, college, and chaos. One of the only few good moments in Fort Wayne was when I went with my friend (yes, THAT friend) to find herself a wedding dress. Long story short(I’ll detail it some other time), Delmar gave me permission to buy my wedding dress. That is how we got engaged. No big proposal, just mutual understanding that we were made for one another. After about 2 years, opportunities in Fort Wayne dried up and back in our old stomping grounds things opened back up. We decided I would finish my schooling at another campus closer to home and Delmar found a job there. I even totaled my first car driving back and forth between Fort Wayne and our new home back home. That crash made me realize just how much concern Delmar had for me. In that time, I believe, Delmar’s brother had his second child pass. I came to her funeral to be with Delmar and support him and his family regardless of anything. 

This was around the same time that his family was told that we were getting married. They made it clear to Delmar that they were not coming and did not have their blessing. Hard. It was straight up hard. It was hard when i was informed not to come to Christmas, when I was informed through Delmar that what I wore was not “appropriate”, when I just knew I wasn’t necessarily wanted(by people I thought were going to be more accepting)even when I tried so hard. 

I knew all I went through at that time was nothing compared to the pain Delmar felt from his family. There were even times when I knew he saw his family and his mood would be off and he would be fairly tight lipped, but I knew whatever was said had hurt him. 

I should stop right here and take a moment to mention, my family and my parents were wonderful through all the things we went through at this time and before. Whenever we felt discouraged, they were there to prop us us and let us know we had support from them, no matter what. They basically planned our entire wedding with us and made it all happen.

Our wedding came in a huge flash. It was emotional, it was beautiful, stressful, amazing, surprising, and heartbreaking all in one singular day. Only 3 of Delmar’s siblings came, no parents, no grandparents, and no aunts or uncles. But that day was our day. No matter who supported or didn’t No matter that it rained almost all day. No matter that almost nothing went to plan. It was the beginning us as us together forever. The beginning of Delmar and Kristen. Of Mrs. Mullet. The beginning of knowing my best friend is with me together forever. 

Even with the wedding turmoil, I knew that day that his family got to now deal with me forever. I still showed up, still got the through-my-husband criticism, but there wasn’t any stopping it. Even more so because I got pregnant with our son and the corner started to turn. I legitimately became part of the family. 

I would say, through tragedy came total acceptance in the family. Delmar’s brother had a third child(a 4 month old baby boy) pass away when our son was 6 months old. I stayed with the family as much as possible during that time to give as much support as I could. It was then and there that we became true family.  

Since that time, we’ve still had learning curves and bumps. Times when there’s been a lack of sensitivity and understanding. Times when there’s just been a straight up cultural barrier we’ve had to overcome. Silly drama that all family goes through, BUT for my husband. His love, understanding, his push to always make me feel better, make life better for me and now our TWO children. Us together and God has gotten us through any and every thing strained us to nearly breaking. 

But here we are.

[kristmullet]

Testimony

This is my first blog post. This is also the first time I’ve truly shared my testimony. its scary as all get out but I feel like this is the time to finally get these posts out of my head and into the atmosphere. Whatever that means. 

My name is Kristen Mullet and I am 30 years old (just turned 30 and I feel old). I’m married to my husband Delmar and I am a parent of 2. I have a son age 6 and a daughter age 2. I grew up in Northern Indiana in the same house my whole childhood. I have amazing parents and 1 sister. 

I have been a church goer all my life with a few breaks in-between churches. I was saved when I was very little(I honestly don't even know what age I was). I had times where I was closer to God and times when I was not. 

By time I was an older teen, I was not going to church. I believed in God still but I was no longer close. I even entered into terrible relationships to fill something but ended up being mentally and emotionally abused. Thank God he had a plan for my steps. 

I met my boyfriend(now husband) when I had just turned 18. Needless to say, we weren't making fantastic decisions(who does when they’re teenagers?), but God kept us safe. Eventually, Delmar and I decided to get married after being together for 4 years and living together. We didn’t even get married by a pastor we knew, just a youth pastor my sister was friends with. 

After we were married, we were invited to various churches. We went but never really felt right. Finally, my Grandma invited us to her church. We went mostly just to be kind and make her happy. Oddly enough, when we left, Delmar and I both felt like it was the church for us. As in, we were driving away from the church in silence and one of us broke the silence by saying we liked it and wanted to go back.  That had never happened to us before. 

As we started going on a regular basis, we started to feel God moving in our life. Delmar got baptized in this church. I personally felt God was really pulling in my heart, especially during hard moments, and during worship. During this time we went on vacation to see a family we knew who lived in TN. They were the only people we knew in TN. Delmar made jokes about moving there and I quickly shut that down and said I would “NEVER move away from my family”(God basically always makes me eat my words when I say the word “never.” Seriously, its a pattern). After this, every time we went to church, I would always think about TN(especially when I was in worship and quieted my mind). Eventually, I admitted this to Delmar(even though I did not want to). We decided to let him go and try to find a job and house to rent. If he found nothing, we would take that as a sign and not go. On the very last day of his visit, a house and job were offered to him. We decided that this was God leading us. We made the jump to follow what God was leading us to do. This was probably the scariest move of our entire marriage, especially because our son was a year old when we decided to move. Away from babysitters, grandparents, and my job(which I went to college for and wasted a ton of money on). 

Through the time we were in TN, we followed what we felt God was leading us to do the entire time. Each time we felt it brought us closer to God and He always kept us, even when we should not have made it. Financially, health-wise, etc etc. We dedicated our lives to following where we felt God moving us and serving the church. Even when our daughter was born and her birth didn't go as planned. She ended up in the NICU, which was probably the worst experience of my entire life. BUT, her body healed faster than the doctors anticipated and she’s a perfectly normal, healthy child. Delmar ended up being an integral part of the children’s ministry and I even stepped out in faith and  volunteered for the worship team. I’ve always loved music, singing, and worship, but never felt good enough and my anxiety was too much. Worship meant so much to me but it just seemed like something you had to be perfect to be part of. God put me on that team for a reason. In TN, we learned so much about the ins and outs of how a church runs, the controversies, and how to become a real part of a church family, not just a Sunday morning Christian.

 Almost 4 years to the day, God lead us back to Northern Indiana. We are still trying to follow where God is leading us, even when scary or difficult, but God has kept us and his promises without fail.