#you've had it in you all along
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#light in the darkness#guiding light#keep shining#shine bright#live on#beauty of life#journey#soul#light house#artwork#illustration#painting#illustrators on tumblr#artists on tumblr#MHN#pinterest art#inspiration#motivation#mindset#get motivated#you've had it in you all along#believe#strength#gratitude#balance#wellbeing#mindfulness
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edwin was simon's manic pixie dream boy if u really think about it
#oh god i'm thinking about it#he's mysterious he's hard to get he's reading quirky books in class#you wish you were as gay and embodied of yourself as he is#and when you've been suffering in hell he appears to you like an angel#and fixes you for you#by showing you that you had the power inside you all along#thanks manic pixie dream boy#dead boy detectives
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tsuna is the patron saint of the mundane, of the normal and common place, of the average and unimpressive. he's the unshakable believer of that being enough in and of itself, of that being fulfilling and fundamental to achieve happiness. and he's the unyielding protector and defender of the beauty and love and kindness within the ordinary, of the holy and divine and sacred within it, and of them being worth fighting for.
tsuna's the guy who makes the ordinary extraordinary from the sheer way he holds it so very close to his heart like it's the most precious thing in the world, and it's the thing about him i, for one, love him most for
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr text post#sawada tsunayoshi#this is why he's THE painstakingly average teenage boy btw. that's the point#and why amano went the extra mile and made him /below/ average and 'dame'#and made it so he still went on to achieve all he did throughout the manga#and made it so he still ended up loved so wholly and unconditionally by so many people#and made it a point to show that was all thanks to things he /already/ had within him all along long before reborn showed up in his life#and made it a point to show he remained the same in that respect to the very end of the manga#and then of course he /keeps/ remaining the same even as he goes on to become vongola decimo#and i like to think that once he gains full confidence in the choices he makes and the things he feels and the stands he takes etc#and still there's mafiosi calling him weak and naive for being soft and kind and merciful and /loving/ with voices full of disdain#tsuna just goes 'you live like this? you've only ever been living like this?#is this what you really think life is all about? what it can only be about? what it /should/ be about?'#except he says it with actual genuine pity for them lol#anyway. tsuna said there's happiness and love and meaning to be found in the mundane and ordinary#and to be fought for and protected because they deserve to be#and he was RIGHT about it!!! <3
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I wonder how my great great great grandma who was born in 1907 and died before even my mom was born would feel to know that in 2024 there's a cat named after her. Like to know that her own great granddaughter who she only ever known as a little girl, would as a 65 year old woman, adopt a cat and think like...'she reminds me of my great grandmother who's been gone longer now than I ever knew her.'
#the way one generation turns into another always makes me think#it's less about the cat and more so that someone would remember you in such a way several decades after youre gone#my grandma talks about stories of her great grandmother#or her big maw as she calls her#and it's always from the perspective of a little girl looking up to a maternal figure#and it always jars me bcus that's how ive always looked at my grandma#the relationship i have with my grandmother she also once had with her grandmother and so on and so on#and then it makes me think even more to hear these stories about the grandmother my grandmother loved dearly#and I've never met her#to feel connected to a woman through your mother through her mother through her mother through hers and it's this line of mother to daughte#but you've never met her yourself#but someone you love once loved her#lover her enough to even as an old lady see a cat and be immediately reminded of how she was a lifetime ago#are we all just a string of short lived experiences and memories carried along down the passage of time
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw
#please ignore the rest of the tags i will just be making things up#okay they start out in carolina but at least half the episode takes place in dc. do not ask me how travel logistics would work#tory spends the entire episode off with tempe doing bone stuff. booth feels upstaged by a 16-year-old girl#so he goes and hangs out with ben who does NOT trust him right off the bat#ben ends up having to run him over to liri at some point because there's crime afoot and tom is busy. they spend most of the ride in silenc#ofc they end up bonding Eventually because they are both obsessed with crazy emotionally stunted redheads named t brennan#tory is more effective than any of the squinterns and manages to piss hodgins off so bad just by existing#coop hangs out in the lab as saroyan tries to kick him out thirty times. he just keeps showing up and she can't prove who's letting him in#(it's tempe.) angela loves tory but tory does not love angela back. saroyan tolerates her. sweets likes her but knows she's hiding somethin#comes to the conclusion that she can read her friends minds and slowly drives himself crazy because obviously that can't be true#tory brings hi along whenever she needs someone with people skills and he is MORE than happy to participate in a hodgins experiment#hi gets to be king of the lab for about ten minutes. shelton hits it off with angela immediately and they solve half the case together#booth fucking HATES hi because he's evasive and really good at the manipulation thing. booth can't win verbal sparring and he gets Big Mad#at one point the four of them are in an interrogation room together (MISTAKE) because tory had them meddling a little too close to the sun#and booth is trying so hard to question them which didn't work even when they COULDN'T read each other's minds#tory figures out who did it and hi steals her thunder a la shrek wasnt vandalized he gave birth#temperance tells tory 'i know you've got a secret sweets told me and even though i don't trust psychology i find he's insightful' etc etc#tory's like well i might be but i can't tell you it's not just my secret and you wouldn't believe me anyway#because let's be real tempe WOULDNT believe her#meanwhile saroyan convinced by sweets paranoia managed to get a sample of tory's blood and test it and is like HEY WHAT THE FUCK#gets hodgins and they just stare at the results together and delve into conspiracy theories. he's like i KNEW there were werewolves#they debate telling tempe but know it wouldnt end well for the kids and decide to get rid of the evidence. but hodgins is SO smug#also angela spends the whole episode trying to convince everyone hi and shelton are dating and no one believes her#they finally see them kiss or something and they're all somehow floored and angela's just like yeah? duh?#if anyone read this i'm sorry and why
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i have Thoughts
#just me hi#i'm gonna ramble now check this out Lmaoo:#ofc any major belief built on hating someone sucks. like fundamentally#and mostly the idea is that you would be protecting yourself and the Similar-to-yous (which is U-2.0)#and it's confusing like. what do you get out of this ?#ik there's the satisfaction. the deep feeling of security you get in your stomach believing that you're right and your anger is purifying#that you're somehow anointed for persecution by Words and Actions you see through the other side of a water glass#and i don't know what i'm tryna say. i'm confused hjfshvgh#of course there's fear. there's a lot of fear. but it's very selfish fear. the kind that makes you protect others because they're Just like#you#and i dunno. what's the point ? so you hate somebody. that's cool :)#how can you love people then. do you love people because they are people or because they have faces you wish you had ? or you can see faces#on them that may not be there ? or they say your face can be like theirs if you only try and never stray ? or that you've had this face all#along. why change? you can't change it's wrong#i dunno man. this makes no sense !!#isn't it always scary to hate everything ? i know it is#like yes the world hates everyone anyway but what is special about that ? what makes this fear worth so much more than another person ?#i dunnooooooo ♪#maybe im just naive! but holding onto somethin like that until you find solace in misery is no way to be baby! i'm gonna go eat snow outsid#//anywhoooooooooo i AM drawing. and that IS in fact a lie i've been procrastinating on it for some timeeeeeeeeeee ggoroughhhhhhhhhhhh LMAO#i don't wanna :( but i REALLY wanna you get what i'm sayin hfshjgjfsh#it could be so easy.. life could be a dream life could be a dream... doo doo doo doo ba dee...... ♪#i need to find an animal for this though and i don't wanna 😔 i do hate this part of the process jfhgfjghjsf#don't like.. researching animals..... it's Not fun lol#but i must prevail. because it's inevitable that i do :/ oh wells#so i'm gonna GO and watch my VIDEO and have a SNACK and DRAW :33 because i WANNA. okey doke hjfshgs#TOODLES 💫💥#//edit: also lowkey i feel like hate is too weak word for this kinda thing ykno? like damn what's got the gates of hell open dude chill Lol#okay BYEEE
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just wondering if you're going to update "Put it on my tab"? its one of my favorites and I just hoe everyone flocks to makinos!!!! this is not me trying to pressure an update btw!! take all the time you want but im just wondering where on the update list it is if that makes sense? Have a lovely day and I love your work so much!!!❤❤❤❤
Hearing that it's one of your favourites made me so happy, I went and finished the draft for the next chapter, so it's actually next on my schedule! Hoping to update it this week if energy allows, but in the meantime, have a little snippet while I edit!
From chapter 2 of Put It on My Tab, aka the fic where a lot of people show up in Makino's bar. First up:
The bar was like he’d described it.
It’s not your usual watering hole, he’d said, his gaze drawn inwards, as though picturing it. They'd been drinking in the galley on Moby Dick, all of them gathered together; the noise level had almost drowned out his voice as he'd continued, It’s really tidy, and she keeps flowers in her windows. I used to think bars were supposed to be seedy, or at the very least a little dingy. All the ones I’d seen in Goa were, so I figured it was part of the gig, but hers was different.
He’d grinned; the one he reserved for the good things from his childhood, like his brothers, and the bandits who’d raised him, as Ace had told them, simply, She’s different.
I take it you’ve never dined and dashed from your tab there, Marco remembered saying.
He’d laughed at that. He could still recall the sound, and the way he’d throw his head back. Oyaji had once remarked that he’d never looked more like his father than when he laughed, but Marco had never told Ace that.
I’d like to meet the person who could, Ace had said.
Their whole crew had been listening now, Oyaji included, a focus that betrayed a curious amount of intrigue, given the topic of conversation, but it was Izo who'd asked, She's that scary?
Ace's grin had softened, something almost bashful in it, as though he was suddenly a much younger boy, even if Marco had often teased him that he was young. And he’d given them a clear picture of the island where he'd grown up, and its inhabitants, Dadan and her family, and the villagers, but here he’d shaken his head, as though this couldn’t be described. Instead, all he’d said was,
If you ever meet her, you’ll see what I mean.
#opfanfic#One Piece Makino#extremely delighted by the discussion in the comments for who Shanks had called#there'll definitely be a few more “who??” moments in this fic#but ahhhh I hope you'll like the chapter!!#I'm working up the strength to continue my more plot-heavy fics but right now it's been nice to just write one-shots#but they're all on my list I promise<3#on that note - thank you for being so lovely to me?#messages like this are the very opposite of pressure; it's always really encouraging to me to hear when someone is excited about a fic#especially if it's been a minute since an update - just the acknowledgement that someone is still excited about it makes a huge difference#(btw if you've asked me about an update for a fic and I haven't replied it's not because I'm annoyed!)#(it's because it's in my drafts for when I've got a more definite answer and/or a snippet to post along with it<3)
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that postal movie is so inconsistently ok
#i watched the last like. ten minutes of it cos i know most of the boobie is done by then its just like. blood n guns whatever#and like. i almost kinda get the vague impression of what they're trying to satirize#yknow?#and i still think the dude's monologue of just 'CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG' immediately being shot down is. im not gonna sit here and#cal it poignant but i GET it i think its funny and i think maybe you could argue theres something there about how arbitrarily willing human#are to just kill each other instead of trying to work things out#hence the ending#and i think maybe the stuff with the US nuking themselves to clense out the 'terrorists' would work better if they werent already like#literal villians in the film i feel like the satire is lost when you start punching down like that i think the whole point the movie was#'trying to make' about how nine eleven was jsut a tragedy and not some grand justification for our overseas .massacring. doesn't work so#well when you've also got to throw in a bunch of 'terrorists' as your set of bad guys. you know?#also i dont care chris coppola is really entertaining as richie i HATE THAT GUY#also i lost my mind when the IRS actually called him 'david clark' i was like OH SO THAT IS HIS ACTUAL NAME GET UP#postal dude and faith could have been fun if faith had been in the movie for more than two fucking scenes before. but WHATEVER#WE DONT HAVE TIME TO DEVELOP OUR CHARACTERS RELATIONSHIP WE NEED TO HAVE CUTAWAY VIOLENCE/BIGOTRY JOKE NUMBER 334835345#consider the following
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Oh cool so your character arc was just to learn to love and accept yourself and now you do?
Cool, cool, totally justifies the trail of trauma and destruction you wreaked upon the people around you
You accept yourself now. You're happy. That's totally what counts.
Why can't all those other people can just get over themselves and be happy for you?????
#you get blissful domesticity bc you've realised that's what you wanted all along ❤️❤️#and now that you have it it's calmed that hateful destruction in your soul❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#so all the things you did to people ❤️❤️❤️they had to happen❤️❤️❤️otherwise how could you have realised your self actualization ❤️❤️❤️❤️#just necessary casualties on the road to your happiness ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#not me vagueposting about the pirate show#omfd critical
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I would let Aventurine scam me
#Play your games‚ man‚ I love to watch you so I'll play along#As of right now he could set fire to Penacony‚ the IPC and the Astral Express and I would throw hands to defend him anyway#He is shitty but okay he can misbehave and even have a little revenge as sidedish if he wants and is able to pull it off#without ending up in jail again#What I mean is that I'm stanning him like I stan Heathclif.f. Did he do wrong? Absolutely. But also they had it coming so 🤷🏻♂️#Play around and find out mad this man's a gambler#btw that one consumable that mentions a teenager going all in? Is that him? The teenager?#Anyway. The Odysseu.s and Heathclif.f and Mordre.d effect. Do what you want man you've gained being terrible#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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gotta say i have been seeing some extremely cold takes in my chosen fandom of late and i am both Not About It but also Very Tired
#just to be clear#if you think that there is a division between 'worthy' and 'unworthy' fans#you are a problem#what is this early anime fandom all over again#'oh you've only seen the dub?'#'sorry but you're only a True Fan (tm) if you've watched the subtitled version and read all 120 volumes of the manga'#actually you know what fandom i respect the most?#lotr fandom#easily the nicest friendliest fandom hands down#never cared if people had read the silmarillion or not and not just because that would be cruel and unusual punishment#i adored the movies but could not for the life of me read the books#fucking hated tolkien's style of writing#maybe i'd like it now who knows#but you know what that was never an issue#'oh you came from the movies? that's so cool here's three different recipes for lembas and the translation of your name in sindarin'#actually is gatekeeping on the rise along with all the recent weird puritanical shit i've been seeing across multiple fandoms?#that would make a lot of sense actually#and look#i usually go fucking FERAL for research and background lore#but there are limits to my time my energy my access and my interest#i have never been so interested-alienated in regards to a fandom before#like 'damn i would love to get into this but there is So Much Fucking Stuff i feel i should know first'#so i've been ending up just being an observer#which is great on one hand! observers and readers and viewers are incredible love them peeps they're absolutely vital to fandom#but that's not how *I* usually interface with fandom#i like creating things#and that's been stopped up by my own personal desire to Know All The Things First before writing#(which i would never actually require for other people that's just a How My Brain Works thing)#and the fandom's own self-policing of what level of knowledge is valid and what isn't#tumblr fuck u for not letting me use more tags ANYWAY yeah sad for me or w/e but don't do this shit to new fans they deserve better
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Love watching a member of leadership make an ass of himself in the middle of an interview, undermine my role in this office, and then have to ultimately salvage the entire dialogue myself
#we are hiring a specialized administrative assistant you dont tell the candidate that they'll pick up any and all odd jobs that come along#you dont tell anyone that frankly it looks disorganized and unprofessional but especially someone looking to specialize#and you dont do it in front of your general admin who has stated they handle the needs of every team in the office#because now you've undermined them and deemed them more or less redundant#i had to politely and firmly correct him on the matter that i handle certain tasks but upon hiring for this role it would be joint custody#and went on to praise the fluidity of our department for allowing roles like this to be so fluid and to hire when needs like this arise#thus covering his ass and keeping it from being very obvious that i was offended#i think ultimately it went well but jfc this man is killin me
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adult job i hate you
#my entire day today has been OH NO I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE oh wait no i didn't WAIT YES I DID wait no this other guy did WAIT I WAS RIGHT ALL#ALONG! wait was i????#can i have a moment of peace please..........#also google search how to remind your boss to do something when it's explicitly your job to remind him and also you have a vested interest#in this thing getting done#but also you've already reminded him like 3 times and he keeps saying it's fine but also he hasn't done the thing yet...#at least i get good money for putting up with this i suppose. sigh.#in the middle of all of this i also had to make an appointment for me to go to the dmv. pain and suffering on planet earth etc etc#posts from hell
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Sometimes I wonder about starting a writing blog. It feels silly to imagine it since I don't write as much as I'd like (although having something dedicated to it might change that.) For a while now, easily over a year but probably a lot longer, it's been tempting to change my handle or just go full anonymous with what I write? I mean, I'm kind of anonymous now - I try to keep away most connections to offline stuff, as far as that goes, and I don't have a large presence anywhere - but I don't know.
Sometimes I feel trapped by my handle or any semblance of my identity being attached to what I do even though I probably shouldn't, and I don't know if I could even articulate that thought well enough at the moment. I know there's something freeing almost with a fresh start. I do it enough in video games to know it's an addictive feeling, so sometimes I wonder if I did so with my writing - if I dropped the satariraine handle, changed it up, made another blog, whatever - that maybe I could do more or feel braver, or try new things.
Not sure where I'm going with this. Just a thought.
#Satari rambles#Potentially to be deleted#Hi I've been on this hellsite for years and it still feels weird to use it as an actual blog#I think also with wanting to do art again it's making me wonder if I could even manage to have a personal creation blog#Instead of just the fandom mishmash that I've cultivated here#I say cultivated like it's impressive#Where in actuality I'm just vibing along with posting a new fic out once per year and enjoying talking to all the lovely people in my phone#Which is more than fine because I've had work and undergrad and grad school and life in general#But I see people have so much fun with hobby or creation blogs#And I wonder if I could be braver and stand to have my thoughts and emotions and opinions more out in the open#If I wasn't still here behind what I've had for over ten years or honesty if I wasn't such a timid person in general#There's nothing wrong with where I am now or this blog or anything of it all really#I guess sometimes it's just an itch to have a new identity#I really don't know if any of this makes sense#If you've made it this far I hope you have a wonderful timezone#Drink water and give yourself a hug or a pat on the back
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new rule you can't ask the friend you functionally dumped for advice on getting with someone new :)
#like you didn't even reach out after you (tagged along with r to) drop me off at my apartment after my ta had to call paramedics for me#you haven't talked to me in a WEEK and that was ONLY because r called thinking you could get to me faster after THE PARAMEDICS WERE CALLED#you've literally only reached out to me ONCE since you called from across the country like 'i chose to drop out but i miss you guys :('#and it's to be like 'oh look i matched with that drag artist who performed at the show we went to (and got real homoerotic at)'#and ask how to go about talking to them#also they're subletting from a guy. who didn't tell his roommates he was moving out. had asked out one of them. they were all like#'oh wow i guess we weren't as close [to him] as i thought we were'#and they relay this story to me (as. again. i am laying on a couch in student services after the fucking paramedics leave)#without a fucking GLIMMER of irony#i'm still so FUCKING mad.#el speaks
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