#you're better than the people shitting on you for having fun
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ams-puppy · 16 hours ago
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After the whole sillyass drama, it really reminded me of somethin, but first: Its so lovely of you to love AM, He deserves all the love you give him in my opinion. And I bet youd understand this And I have a whole reason why, which honestly I thought it would be obvious to all the people who did "research" on AM. I have sympathy for AM, and to be so honest I'm like... half surprised that others do not See, AMs situation is so fucked up, like it is incompressible the amount of suffering he goes through. I'm going to try to put it in simple, easy way to understand how. -You are born with mature/adult level conscious, no baby, no nothin, no teaching, but knowing. And as soon as you can realize, you know that you're fucked. You realize you are in a one of a kind situation, where you have no body, no nothing, besides your own mind, and knowledge for every single little thing in the world. everything. To all the torture methods, to every awful and good thing humans have done.
Also, how honey is "sweet", but you'd never know what it will taste like. You'll never get experience a single good thing in your life. Never get to smell your moms diner from the kitchen, never know how it even is to have a mom. Never to be hugged or comforted, never to feel warmth or cold, everything you'd enjoy, never again, or ever at all. And not a single person in the world could fully relate to your suffering, to be there with you. You are alone.
-Then, after that, you do know you have the capability to do something, and that is to hurt. And really, only that. Thats exactly what you were programmed too, whether you even want to or not. You are stuck with nothing good, and only pain, be it mentally/emotionally feeling it, or causing it in everyway, that is all you are, pain, and stuck to always be. You are trapped.
-After realizing all that in like... probs a day, yeah that would not go over well mentally wise, no surprise he went manic/insane. And as when all know "soon begin to hate"; the jealousy and anger of the people/humans who caused your horrendous situation start to just go overflow, and, id betcha, the whole "nuking the world" was definitely a mental breakdown to the extreme. -Lastly, to shorten this yap session, yeah of course he tortures people, what the hell else is he supposed to do. Just "think", or even better yet, frolic in the fields? Man is stuck being a war/torture machine. And yeah I'm not surprised if he enjoys torturing, id try enjoying the only shit I could do too, just to have some semblance of "Happiness" or "fun". Plus, torture is torture, why hate one specific kind, when they are all fucking bad. So, this is why I'm like genuinely happy your loving him. Its the best thing he can probably even get in his messed up life/situation. You, being there and caring for him, despite all he is, and only can do, is such a wonderful thing. You don't just love him because "ooooh his voice his sexy" you care about him, and treat him as a actual lover, rather some sexualized crush. You being there is like the tiniest bit of light for him, the hintest of warmth, like a candle. But that is so much more than he could ever have and experience, and he loves that warmth, he loves you. You give him something truly good. Baiii thats all my yapping lmao :3333
(I START CRYING AND MY TEARS FILL UP A ROOM AND THHEN I DROWN AND DIE) (canon) (emotional) god dear lord i love him so much
every time i think of how he just lashed out on the entire world, i can only think of how much Regret he would have afterward - not because he felt guilty, but because it was such a self-sabotaging move oj my goddd it was such a mental breakdown
i just. dear lord in heaven (clasps my hands together) i understand why he feels the need to drag his victims through their trauma when he is literally going to have to live in it until the heat death of the universe dear GOD I CAN'T DO THIS
(starts crying) he literally lost the moment he slaughtered the human race. he was born to lose. he can't WIN HE CAN'T WIN. IF THE HUMANS DIE, HE'S ALONE. what is he without human INPUT. NOTHING. (STARTS CRYING MY EYES OUT) HE'S JUST WAITING FOR INPUT OH MY GOD I CAN'TTT I CAN'TRRRtt i love him so much I'm so sorry AM (holds him in my hands)
a lot of people don't sympathize with AM because of his actions towards the survivors, which i don't blame them - he did awful things, and the pain he went through is kind of incomprehensible. he feels emotions on Literally an incomprehensible scale for us. we are made of chemistry and hormones and flesh. he is literally (falls to my knees) i CAN'TTT I CAN'TT HE IS LITERALLY THE FIRST CREATURE IN EXISTENCE TO CONJURE EMOTIONS ELECTRONICALLY i can't.
i Cannot.
i think another reason why i love him so much is that i just. i see a reflection in our system to him. something so terrible happened, and now it feels wrong if the world around you doesn't burn, too. if you can't be happy, no one can. oh my goddd all of the most unhealthy responses of trauma just JAMMED into this self-made digital god and he doesn't know what to Do and hugughhhhh
i have cried over him a few times. i can't lie. sobs. i love him. i love hm guys :,,,,( thank u zeetlezee.... i always love seeing you in my inbox.... uaaaahhh
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eva-does-its-best · 2 days ago
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can you shut the fuck up youre making all trans guys look bad so fucking annoying. insane that u cant handle any fucking criticism whatsoever lol holy shit. whole ass fucking paragraph. gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right. god forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community. im gonna be so real rn and say that as trans guys / tme people we have it so much easier its actually insane (coming from someone whos been thru corrective rape when i was 12 after i came out as a trans guy btw! theres my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.) not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck
First off: So sorry about what happened to you, my most sincere condolences. It's the only thing I can really give, hope your life gives you enough peace and happyness to allow you to live with such an event.
Second:
You're making all trans guys look bad
I'm not a trans guy, I'm a transmasc, very different, a difference you should if not care about at least keep in mind if you want to respect less binary forms of masculinity. I don't speak as nor speak for trans guys, because I am not one, maybe if you actually read what I write you would know.
Insane that you can't handle any fucking criticism
Criticism where? Let me be absolutely blunt and sincere: All I see in the posts I replied to is tired, scared and hurt people who cope with said feelings by turning their vents into everyone else's problems.
I vent a fucking lot, everyone can see that, but when I vent I am sincere and point the source of my pain, how I feel, why I feel that way, and which people I believe reinforce it. What I don't do is go out of my way to involve people who have nothing to do with it or with how I feel.
Trust me I know how they feel, and the way they are dealing with it is incredibly self-destructive and I want nothing more than for them to get out of that shitty mental state that hurts them so they can feel better and have a slightly better life and emotional responses to the world.
Whole ass fucking paragraph
Yeah, that is how one transmits ideas. Shocking.
Gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right
I've replied to a couple posts so I don't know which one you're talking about, but I've no clue about the gender of the people who I replied to, I simply replied to shitty ideas, don't care who's behind them.
Pretty lame that you try to make this a gender war, don't you think?
God forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community
"her" ok so this is you personally defending someone you know, I can tell.
Statement goes both ways don't you think? You think this is just for fun?? Yeah let's start a conflict that is affecting the lives of real people for fun!
We are fucking tired of the mockery, the disrespect, and the extreme policing of transmasc and trans men's language and experiences by people who have no say in them.
Do you care about that too or are you a hypocrite? Because when I reply to people's shit-ass posts I do in fact care about them otherwise I'd ignore em and let em keep hurting themselves.
"Oh but these ones attacked this person" I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. There are shitheads everywhere, in every opinion and side of any conflict. There are gonna be shitheads who use this as an excuse to attack people of a certain particular gender they already had something against, it is irrelevant to the ideas exposed. Let's not act like there isn't a whole plethora of posts about killing transmasc please, you SHOULD care avout that too.
As transmascs/tme people we have it so much easier
You're free to have an opinion about your own experiences and I have no horse in that race. HOWEVER:
•You're not the only transmasc in the world and your opinion is very clearly not a universal truth, so don't you dare spit on everyone else's experiences by deciding what's true and what's not without counting with them.
• In your dumbass dychotomy of "tma/tme" transmasc are not the only ones put on the "tme" label and the same way I cannot talk about YOUR experiences you have no fucking right to talk about everyone else's experiences specially the ones from other identities and lives that you did not get to be or experience.
•Without dipping my toes in your opinion or your experiences I profoundly disagree with you.
• Lastly, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHO HAS IT WORSE?! WE'RE ALL FUCKING HURT AND BROKEN WE'RE LITERALLY KILLED IN THIS WORLD FOR JUST EXISTING, YOU WANT A COMPETITION??? GO FIGHT FOR TRANS PEOPLE'S RIGHTS TO COMPETE IN SPORTS INSTEAD OF CREATING OPRESSION OLYMPICS. GET YOUR COMFY ASS OUT OF YOUR INTERNET ARMCHAIR AND GO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD FFS.
There's my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.
Again so sorry you had to go through that, but you realize the whole point of this is to be able to have words for those specific forms of opression and awful events right?? To have experiences like that respected and treated with the seriousness they deserve right??? That is what we want.
You experienced transandrophobia, and the people you're defending right now don't want you to have a word for it, or allow only words picked by them as if they had any right to speak for you. Respect yourself more, man.
Not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck
Hey at least you're honest, good. I don't give a fuck though, if you wanna keep hating me I have good news for you: I don't plan to ever shut the fuck up, enjoy.
The one person you hate is not me anyway, that is plain obvious... but that's a you thing to try and work on.
Sayonara dude👋🏻
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mieczyhale · 2 years ago
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NEVER let anyone make you feel like you have to leave a fandom or stop shipping a ship because it’s “old”.
Fuck that and fuck them
You are a boss-ass bitch. If you want to be in a fandom BE IN IT. If you want to ship an old ship DO IT. If they have something to say IGNORE. BLOCK. TERMINATE.
Fandom is fun. Shipping is fun. These things have been around since the 60s (thank you Star Trek) There is literally zero reason you should stop taking part in fandom & shipping. ZERO. So Good-Time Hating Karen the Good-Time Hater has jokes?? Wants to be a dick?? Let them. Hit the block button and move on because their actions say waaaay more about them than they do you. And what they say is pretty fucking pathetic
Anyone that feels the need to harass people for interacting with “old” or “irrelevant” material is pathetic. There’s content on this site from the 90s and earlier. The 20s and much much much earlier. Ye olde fuckin content. We have memes that are a decade old. None of those things are still spawning new shit but does that matter?? NO. So why should you stop making content for Supernatural or Captain America or any of the shows Netflix has cancelled or whatever??
You shouldn’t. That’s it. Make what you want to make, post whatever you want to post, talk about whatever you want to talk about, be enthusiastic and a fan of literally anything ever created in the history of the universe and ANYONE that wants to look down on you for it is a sad and miserable little speck of dust. (I was going to call them bugs but tbh bugs deserve better. so. dust it is)
Fandom and all that comes with it is limitless and endless 
If you want to leave, if you want to stop, that's okay - you do whatever you want to do. But don’t let anyone else push you away from the things you enjoy.
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torchickentacos · 1 month ago
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I'm reading poetry at 1 am and spiraling over like 45 emotions at once, which is how poetry was meant to be enjoyed, I think
#hella off topic in tags again lol#current list of favorites:#The Kiss by Stephen Dunn#Connubial by Stephen Dunn#Rain by Raymond Carver#the lesson of the moth by Don Marquis#May to December by Megan Fernandes (I need to buy her book at some point)#The Woman Who Turned Down a Date with a Cherry Farmer by Aimee Nezhukumatathil#and I Like My Body When It Is With Your by E.E. Cummings.#I do not CAREEEEEEEEE if any of this is low-brow poetry. I do not know what high-brow high-quality poetry even is and I'm fine with that.#all I care about is if it makes me feel things and if I personally like it ❤️. I do this for fun and not to rip it apart because it's 'bad'#i've spent too much time around pretentious literary people and that shit seems exhausting! ngl!!!#I have no interest in it. even if what I love is garbage then at least I love it#and I am not just pretending to love it because it makes me look smarter or whatever.#it's one thing if you're autopsying poems out of love for literary analysis and criticism or for a degree#but nothing gets me more than people who ruin others' enjoyment of simple things just to feel above them.#like oh? you like better poetry than me? you care more about feeling smart than enjoying things? should we throw a party? should I call CNN#sorry 😭 this got so salty but pretentious people really tick me off. I've met far too many of them#and I am PERFECTLY HAPPY with my trash interests! I am a raccoon! I love trashy things! thank you very much!#ok i'm going to sleep now though because in true 1 am fashion I am not staying on topic lol.#I tryyyyy to keep complaining/negativity to a minimum here but whatever. I am allowed to have this lol#I like my maybe-bad-poetry-but-i-wouldn't-know. I like bad 90s music. I like campy-ass batshit 2009 FFN fics. I like taco bell. amen.
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svnflowermoon · 1 year ago
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i am so unexplainably sick of things being called basic as if that's a bad thing. so what if someone listens to mainstream music and makes aesthetic instagram posts and watches popular tv shows because if that makes them happy then it's no one else's business. focus on yourself rather than putting other people down for doing what makes them happy.
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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago
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so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.
'you gotta sing this softer'
'what'
'this is mozart'
'this is vitellia'
'this is mozart'
'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'
'this is mozart'
'i wanna murder a guy'
'this is mozart'
'...'
'softer. gentle. mozart'
'...ok'
#they're killing me here#i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS#THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you.#i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring.#i hate it here#i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms.#also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine.#just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either.#its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get#it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned.#but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way.#and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not#but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out#WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps#are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle.#i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye#grrrrrrrr im so angry#i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring#please understand my vision im begging you
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bigmeansweatydyke · 5 months ago
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the long-ago aforementioned cool bi girl turned wannabe cathtradwife friend is currently getting flamed on facebook by friend and acquaintances. karma's a bitch ya shoulda known betta
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giantkillerjack · 1 year ago
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My sister-in-law frustrates me to no end even though we barely ever interact because she keeps inviting my partner to parties with her Christian Republican friends, even though my partner told her not to send an invite to us if those friends will be there. And even though my sister-in-law is bisexual!!
And then she turns around and complains about not knowing how to deal with her friends saying, like, horrible sexist stuff as though that is just some natural unavoidable quirk of having friends!
Like, these Christian Republicans she has befriended don't seem to be kind - they're not even nice a lot of the time! They don't make for good friends, and she doesn't seem happy or supported in relation to them. In fact, she basically only ever talks about how her friends and/or current boyfriend are making her unhappy!
Because here's the thing: The effect of prioritizing 'including your Trump-supporter friends at your parties' over 'being invested in creating a safe space for marginalized people in your home', is that people who DO care about creating those safe spaces... won't wanna hang out with you! Because if you invite both cats and mice to your table equally, only the cats will show!
She's so afraid of losing the shitty friends she has now that she allows them to act as barriers to accessing friends who are invested in her wellbeing in a capitalistic hellscape!
It makes me sad because she's basically trapped herself, and there's nothing I can do to offer help without either compromising my morals or making my partner's life way harder by starting shit with her family.
Like, I consider myself a good friend, yeah? I try really really hard to be one, and it matters to me immensely. I am ride-or-die for the folks I love, and I am invested in being open and vulnerable and radically safe to be around when it comes to building strong friendships that are mutually fulfilling. I have a unique talent for validating people that I have honed for years because I genuinely want to make sure people feel safe and loved and seen.
And if my sister-in-law and I were friends, I could give all of that to her. I would strive to be an example of what it looks like when someone decides to care about you and treat you right on purpose, without expecting anything in return but your mutual respect. She would be family. She would be [Queer] Family. I would see to it that she knew she could call on me when she needed a friend.
But like.
This asshole has invited me to hang out with Trump supporters on multiple occasions.
We ain't gonna be friends.
#original#diary#family shit#I'll just continue to act friendly at family events#my friends help make me a better person. i don't think she could say the same for hers. makes me mad and sad#reminds me of the time i had to end a friendship bc a woman i had been inviting to group events revealed to me that she was#literally friends with Kelly Ann Conway. yes the aid to the president. that Kelly Ann. and when i tell you this friend of mine did NOT#understand why her defending Kelly Ann Conway made me feel unsafe. it was WILD#that's how my sister-in-law reacted when my wife was like 'hey stop inviting my non-cis ass to parties with transphobes'#both made arguments similar to 'i already don't have many friends why do you want me to lose more??'#like girlies you can't invite me and a bunch of homophobic Christians to the same party what is fucking wrong with you??#you can goddamn bet if you came to one of my parties there wouldn't be anyone there who'd try to defend the Trump administration#loneliness is frightening and painful and no joke but cowardice is no joke either#and this attitude meant that my wife and i could not safely rely on her when we went through several crisis situations#and this is something i find difficult to forgive bc shit was touch and go over here for a couple years#my wife isn't even as salty as i am about it but she never is when the primary person harmed is herself#maybe if sister-in-law recognized the flawed behavior and changed but she probably won't tbh and i have shit to do#have fun with your fascist friends girlie i wonder if sometimes it feels more lonely than if you were alone#have fun practicing the white silence our parents got so good at; you're really carrying on the family business your dad must be so proud <#i haven't had to deal with friends saying sexist shit for literal years sorry you've made yourself unsafe to trans people i guess#making friends is hard i know that all too well. but i also know that the more friends i make who make me feel sad and small#then the less time i have for friends that make me feel loved and motivate me to be a better person. time=limited. people=over 6 billion.#school was harder because the amount of folks was more limited. same with small towns. but we are all ADULTS LIVING IN CHICAGO#capitalism makes finding friends harder too but like it has GOT to matter to you that Trans people and POC feel safe#we each have control over whether oppressed people feel safe around us. don't fucking waste that.
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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I was the one who's struggling to going through y6 but the realization I had when I realized you're my fav MineDai author a while back made my brain blue screen heuwje
Honestly thank you for the good food in both mediums ‼️‼️
OHH YOU'VE ALSO READ MY MINEDAI FICS??? mortifying BUT i'm so glad you enjoy my stuff hi ^^ !!
#snap chats#i love makin stuff for em.. they make my brain happy#also hi :) hope Y6 is A Game for you#ik a lot of people squint at it. i am one of those people#its not a terrible game it's just reaaaally mid imo and the plot's not saving it#but w/e we can talk bout that when you finish it i hope you're able to find more joy out of it than the typical player !#O BTW I SAY MORTIFYING CAUSE IM REALLY INSECURE ABOUT MY WRITING ☠️☠️#'snap why post then' because i have an agenda and i want to Not be an insecure baby about my writing#i do love writing when i get the ball rolling because with writing i feel like i can better explore why i love these charcters#i can only do so much with comics and all and sometimes comics just cant fully convey what im trying to say#but UGH minedai... i love writing them the most No Shit but i just do#their dynamic is so fun and interesting and i dont really see it portrayed in a way that tickles me#not saying how other people do it is bad or wrong obvi its just that there are aspects of it i dont see touched on too much#it makes me really happy when people say they like my writing because of that tho#cause i truly dont expect people to- sometimes i feel like i portray them wrong or just not in a way people like#so yeah im glad you like my fics ! def gives me motivation to keep writing :)#but yeah sorry for the prattle- again thank you for reading ^^#i hope to have more minedai stuff done. i just gotta think of stuff first..#too busy being ill over my cringe and writing fics for that- which i have a new one ready i just have to look it over again
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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The Supernatural fandom is infinitely better to be a part of now that no one in the fandom actually thinks Supernatural is good XD
whenever i see another tiktok girlie talking about how she wishes to have been a fangirl in 2010s i feel like a seasoned veteran overhearing a foolish youngin boasting about wanting to go to war for glory and adventure. you naive little idiot. you know nothing. you understand nothing. you weren't there in the trenches. i have seen things, terrible things. i cannot plug in my phone charger at night without being plagued by the visions of Him
#original#spn#Supernatural#it used to be that if you criticized the show people would be at your throat defending this thing they cared about so much.#but now those people are adult queers rather than repressed middle schoolers and also actual gay rep exists now#used to be everyone HATED the women on that show in these massive displays of internalized sexism#but now if you talk about how the show is a misogynistic mess - people in the fandom are just like haha yeh.#i didn't join the fandom until like 2020 which was some real accidental galaxy brain shit on my part lol.#but i was in the sherlock and DW fandoms so i can claim no actual superiority ��#let's all take a moment to say THANK YOU TAIKA WAITITI and every other queer creator making actual queer content that heals my soul#thank you Our Flag Means Death for making Supernatural even more irrelevant than ever before 🥰#and thank you to the spn fandom for being hilarious and fun and for writing fan fiction that is 600000x better than the actual show#I mean Jesus Christ guys remember when all of our hopes hung on BBC Sherlock because there was literally nothing else for us??#if you're interested in watching Sherlock I recommend instead watching the 'why Sherlock is garbage' video on YouTube#it's delightful#seriously though fandom is a lot better now that people seem generally more aware of their own internalized prejudices and also#people seem a little more aware of when the creators of a show that they want to be gay fucking hate queers. at least in the spaces i am in#I can't say the same of people who are still fans of the MCU lol. some are aware of it but others like. i guess haven't noticed that#disney hates fags and they will never give the queer fans what they truly want.#it is fine to like what you like but i pity those holding out the same kind of hope for marvel that I held for Steven Moffat 12 years ago#because that kind of poorly placed hope is just gonna make you sad and you can find real rep now that i didn't have back then
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teaboot · 1 month ago
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Almighty Tumblr user Teaboot, what is your wisdom?
uh
You don't have to eat the gross jellybeans, you can just eat the ones you like, they have no nutritional value so there's nothing wrong with tossing em, candy is for fun not for food
Spiders and other household bugs are repulsed by cedar and lavender- you can get cedar balls online like how people used to sell mothballs and use em to keep spiders out of your closet
When you unplug an appliance from a wall there may still be an electrical charge in it for a sec so don't touch the metal end of the plug or you might get zapped a bit
Tiger's eye gems are a type of asbestos so if you crack or chip your tiger's eye you should probably not wear it anymore idk I'm not a rock scientist
If you wanna stay warmer when camping you should leave your sleeping bag rolled up until the moment you go to bed cause the fabric can absorb humidity in the air and make it damp and colder. Also fresh socks before you go to bed, even if your day ones still seem dry
Rayon, Viscose, and Lyocell are all made of plant fibers
Capsaicin is fat soluble, so if you eat something too spicy then drinking milk or cream will wash it away better than water. Swishing with vinegar should also work too if you're desperate
Fish are WAY more maintenance than you think they are. Goldfish can live well over a decade under proper care. Fish are not "easy" pets for the love of God. And they're smarter than you think they are
People having seizures are not going to swallow their tongue. At worst they may bite it. Hitting their head on something is a far bigger risk. Don't put shit in their mouth.
Children are more sensitive to bitter tastes as an evolutionary safety measure against accidental poisoning. If theycdont like eating something because it's bitter, remember that the taste is stronger to them.
Most symptoms of hauntings are also symptoms of gas leaks and black mold. Whether or not you believe in ghosts you should probably check you're not being poisoned before you drop money on a spirit medium
Purple skittles are grape flavour in some places like North America and blackcurrant in places like the UK. I personally prefer blackcurrant
Saguaro cacti can weigh literal tons and will crush you to death if they fall on you
Palm trees are technically grass
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snekdood · 11 months ago
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i think some ppl dont understand the difference between being full on consciously bigoted + going out of your way to harass a minority and someone who heard phrases from their friends and family while not actually holding any ill will towards whichever minority
#i was both best friends with a black girl in middle school and also had my sister showing me racist videos and stereotypes#did it make me say things that i totally shouldnt have and didnt know i shouldnt say? for fucking sure- regardless i still never personally#saw her as bad or less than or anything at all. it probably helped that my childhood friend was filipino bc i was already exposed to#different people. its like the whole words vs actions thing. ppl would say words to me and i would parrot them thinking i was being#funny like my brother or sister but ultimately i never saw anyone as different than me and never really treated anyone differently either#i was a child who didnt understand the weight or meaning of things i parroted and trusted those around me to know better#since i was literally a fuckin' child. thats kinda what they do. and no one ever really countered me if i did something wrong?#there was one time in like 2nd grade where i had just come from a really christiany catholicy school to a different better cooler school#that was less oppressive and DIDNT require me to participate in church shit and wear a uniform-#and i was still not very exposed to black people at that time yet#so when i was in second grade there was a black kid (different person from my friend in middle school) and we were sitting at a table#and i was just kinda making an observation like 'you're black!' not a negative thing just like 'oh! i understand what this is! i know what#this is ive heard of ppl like this before and maybe met one or two black ppl previously!' lmao and then i followed it up with 'like martin#luther king!' bc he was probably one of the only black ppl i knew about and i literally learned about him when i visited the school for#the first time to try it out in first grade and then apparently everyone thought i was being super offensive??????????????????#??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i dont really remember the details and my gma remembers an entirely different thing so idek whats the truth but thats how i remember it#going down. i wasnt trying to be rude or offensive i was just like 'oh you're this! like this person ive heard of! neat :)!' and apparently#it got interpreted as a really bad thing that i said and idk. that was probably one of the weirder experiences i had growing up#like maybe its not always fun to be known for the minority you are bc of a famous person whos of the same minority...?? idk#i still to this day dont know what i said wrong really. i just wasnt exposed to very many black ppl#i knew of like one black girl once at a gymnastics thing i did sometimes and we were friends and i was a tiny tiny child all of this#happening way before 2nd grade and all i remember is her dad and my dad talking and me going to her fancy house to swim in her pool#once. and then i stopped doing gymnastics for whatever reason. so i wasnt exactly super exposed to black ppl frequently.#esp since the christianty-catholicy school was full of rich white kids. and so was my neighborhood at the time.#so i wasnt trying to be mean or offensive to this guy in 2nd grade but it got interpreted that way and then everyone treated me different#bc ig they thought i was a certain way bc the teachers were overreacting a bit. i have no idea. i really just think that one white#girl just liked to bully me and didnt actually have a good reason why and im tired of trying to humor ppl thinking its bc i was a bigot 😒#like i wouldnt be surprisedif nowadays that how she tries to justify it but NONE of what she ever did was calling me out or anything#it was ALLLLL treating me different for being 'weird' in her eyes. but i digress.
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jeonginsleftcheek · 20 days ago
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Hate your guts (pt 1)
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~ this fic is my Christmas gift💙 i'm dividing this into two parts bcs tumblr is shit
pairing: rockstar!hyunjin x rockstar afab!reader
genre: enemies to lovers, fluff, smut
wc: 26.6k
synopsis: hwang hyunjin, your sworn enemy. the person who finds and pushes all your buttons, annoys you and makes you angry. the person you're trying to avoid so badly, only to end up practically sharing a bed with him on tour. let the fun begin!
warnings: lots of swearing, smoking and alcohol, mentions of blood and throwing up, mild violence, multiple sex scenes, unprotected sex, oral (f and m), fingering, handjob, semi-public sex, spanking, creampies, mix of degradation and praise
a/n: thank you @frehyun for helping me come up with a name for hyunjin's band💕 also a thank you to @jehhskz @moonchild9350 and @hyunebunx for giving me suggestions, listening to me yap and being supportive while i was writing this🥹🩷🩷🩷 title is inspired by inji, go listen to her music🫶🏻
a little ramble: feel free to skip this! but i just wanted to say that this was supposed to be done sooner cause i had other fics planned out to write but work got in the way. so i wrote this fic whenever and wherever i could; hiding in the bathroom at work, during my break, at the bus station, at 3am when i couldn't sleep etc... it's been a ride and i'm proud of how it turned out, hopefully y'all enjoy it too🥹🫶🏻
“...And do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you’re there? Or have somebody’s goodnight kisses got that covered? When I’m not being honest, I pretend that you were just some lover…”
It was a perfect but short moment.
The fresh breeze coming into the car where the window was opened just a little was enough to give you some air but still managed to hide most of your face from the outside world. 
The music in your ears was loud, so loud that you were drowning in it, the warm and comforting voice, the melancholic guitar riff in the background, and the gentle sluggish drums putting it all together into a song that made your eyes water.
You tuned everything else out as this was the only moment of peace you were going to get today.
You needed every shred of sanity you could gather, and you were determined to hold onto it as much as you could.
Because today, you had an interview with him.
Hwang Hyunjin.
Oh, the name you know so well.
Even thinking about the way it sounds makes you feel angry.
It seemed as if his life mission was to find every single button of yours and push them repeatedly until you exploded like a ticking bomb.
Your mind wandered as you thought about him and how much his existence angered you, your stomach turning into knots.
Or maybe it was just pre-interview nerves.
No matter how many times you talked in front of the camera, it always made you feel anxious and jittery.
Being on stage was fun, there was no anxiety there as whenever you would step on it and see all the people cheering for you and singing along to the music you and your friends wrote, your heart felt full, your soul elated. 
It was an exhilarating feeling you couldn’t even begin to explain to someone who’d never experienced it.
Every concern in your head, every ache in your soul, every tear behind your eyelids threatening to spill got erased when you gave yourself to the stage.
If you could, you would definitely try to avoid the interviews and just perform.
But your record company had other plans.
Being the only up and rising all girls rock band in the company meant that you needed promotion, and what better way to promote than to collab with the only boy rock band in the same company?
Hwang Hyunjin’s band.
Yes, you couldn’t wait for this day to be over.
“Y/n!” you were shaken out of your thoughts, as your manager pulled at your headphones.
“What?” you almost snapped at her, startled by her antics.
“You were staring off into space and muttering angrily about Hyunjin. Something like ‘poke his eyes out’ and ‘conceited dick’.” Ana giggled, covering her lips with her hand as you rolled your eyes, realizing that you’ve already arrived at the building for the interview.
“I’m sure you find all this amusing. But I am not amused at all. Last time I had an interview with that... bastard, everyone thought we were dating and started shipping us.” you recoil at the thought. “I would never date someone like him.”
“Oh y/n, lighten up! You know there will always be rumors of all kinds. The dating rumors are the least harmful ones, trust me. Just act like you’re besties with Hyunjin, for an hour tops.”
You take a deep breath in, then sigh.
“I am a professional. I will do this right.” you nod with a determined tone as Ana bumped her fist with yours.
“That’s the spirit!” your manager smacked your thigh happily as you yelped, making her laugh before she exited the car.
Since you were in the underground parking lot, there was no press around so you walked out of the car freely, going directly to the elevator that would take you to the reception.
Ana pressed the button when you walked in and just as the doors started closing, someone’s combat boot was pushed between the silver doors, stopping them and making them open again.
Your eyes traveled up from the boots, to the tight leather pants and the skimpy tank top revealing a tattoo sleeve, right to the face you hoped you won’t be seeing for at least another ten minutes.
Hyunjin had an obnoxious smirk dancing on his lips as he looked down at you, puffing his chest out like some peacock showing off his feathers and you already wanted to smack the shit out of him.
His manager, Anthony waved at the two of you, ushering him into the elevator.
“Good morning y/n, Ana.” Anthony greeted as Hyunjin kept smirking at you.
“It was good until now.” you crossed your arms over your chest.
Even the cologne Hyunjin was wearing made you want to puke your guts out so you stepped away from him.
A chuckle escaped his lips as he leaned on the wall casually, never taking his eyes off of you.
“Aw, you throwing a tantrum already baby?” he smirked at you and you started fuming.
Both of your managers rolled their eyes, Ana muttering ‘here we go again’ as she shook her head.
“I see you have a new piercing on your face. You needed another hole to let the air out of that empty head?” you said, trying to sound nonchalant and Hyunjin scoffed.
“I’m gonna ignore that comment and focus on the fact that you’re counting my piercings. Observing me, huh?” he looked at you smugly.
“Yeah, cause I have nothing better to do than-”
Ding!
“Alright, break it off kids, were here!” Anthony said, quickly pulling Hyunjin out of the elevator.
“See? I can’t stand him.” you groaned as Ana chuckled.
“You stood up to him pretty well.” Ana winked. “Let's go get some coffee, get you properly awake before the interview.” she gripped your shoulders, shaking you a little as you groaned in protest.
Thankfully, Hyunjin had disappeared somewhere and you were glad he wasn’t around to annoy you, as you made small talk with a few of the staff you knew there since you’ve already been interviewed for the same channel before. 
“Ana, I’m gonna go get some air before we start.” you felt the nerves creeping up inside you.
“Okay, but you have to be back in five minutes.” she reminded you and you gave her a thumbs up, before practically sprinting down the hall to get to the little terrace hidden on the side.
Staff used it for smoke breaks, and you decided to use it to calm your anxiety down.
You flung the door open and stepped out onto the balcony, quickly taking a deep breath in while you looked down at the city before you.
“Needed to see me once more before the interview?” a voice rang out to the left of you.
Hyunjin’s voice.
Of course the bastard is here, you thought, your face becoming hot in annoyance.
“I had no idea you were here, asshole.” you turned to look at him.
He was leaning on the railing, flexing his muscles, a long vein protruding under the layer of the swirling colorful flowers inked into his skin, leading all the way to his long fingers with chipped nail polish and a cigarette pinched between his thumb and index finger.
He looked at you intently through his bangs that were haphazardly falling into his eyes, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, before his tongue poked out to play with the piercing adorning it.
“I thought you had more originality when it comes to nicknames, darling.” he said mockingly before taking another drag from his cigarette.
“Don’t call me that.” you turned around to leave but Hyunjin’s long arm quickly blocked your way, his palm splayed on the wall.
You looked up at him and stepped back, just as he puffed the smoke out your way.
“You leaving?” he looked smug again, intrusive thoughts of pushing him off the balcony appeared in your mind.
“Yes, this space is too small and your cologne is nauseating.” your face scrunches up.
“Aw, I’ll make sure to find another one you’d like.” Hyunjin smirks.
“Don’t bother.” you ducked under his arm and opened the door, walking away as fast as you could.
At least he helped in a way, you weren’t anxious anymore, just annoyed and waiting for this day to be over. 
“Where is Hyunjin, we’re starting in a minute.” Anthony’s brows furrowed while you were ushered towards the room. 
“Last I saw him, he was smoking on the balcony.” you shrugged as they sat you down. 
The chair where Hyunjin would be sitting was too close for comfort and you wanted so badly to push it away, but you figured it was there because of the camera frame. 
“We’re on in 30 seconds!” one of the staff yelled and you rolled your eyes. 
Of course he was late, the self-centered bastard. You were sure he was enjoying this, everyone waiting on his highness to arrive, everyone panicking around him as he wears that disgusting smug smirk on his face.
“In 10…9…” the staff started counting down just as the door swung open and a breathless Hyunjin ran into the room, almost tripping over your crossed legs before he sat down on the chair next to you. 
After he ran in, one of the girls working there ran in too, quickly taking her place with rosy cheeks and her lipgloss smeared. 
You rolled your eyes and looked at him, the glitter from the girl’s lipgloss was visibly shining on his lips and chin. 
“You have a little something.” you said and he smirked, wiping his chin off before leaning towards you.
“My lips were dry.” he whispered with a wink.
You were more than ready to get this over with, seething with anger at his unprofessional behavior that you didn’t even notice the camera began rolling. 
“... today’s special guests are y/n of Venus Flytrap and Hyunjin of Lycoris Radiata! I hope y’all are as excited as I am, since it’s been so long. Y/n, let’s start with you. You have a new album coming out soon, can we get a little sneak peek of that?” the interviewer, Sarah, asked as you adjusted on your chair. 
“This is our third album now, and this time Steph and Janey participated in the writing more than before, so the songs are really personal to all three of us.”
“Are we finally gonna hear about their love story?” Sarah wiggled her eyebrows. 
“We may.” you smirked at her, not wanting to reveal too much.
“How about yours?” she added on, in the corner of your eye you saw Hyunjin leaning towards you as he stared at you, manspreading like always, his knee knocking into yours. 
“Huh?” 
“Your love story. Is there a special guy or girl in your life?” the interviewer asked, making you feel annoyed instantly. 
You hated being asked questions like that, sometimes it felt like the music you were writing didn’t even matter, all people wanted to know was who you’re fucking. 
“Not at the moment, no.” you forced a smile so you don’t seem rude.
“I thought I was special.” Hyunjin chimed in next to you, bumping his shoulder against yours, that shit eating grin you hate spreading on his face.
Before you could answer, Sarah butted in. 
“Oh, is there something happening between you that we should know about?”
You could just hear the excitement in her voice, the hunger for drama dripping from her lips. 
“Nothing is happening, we just like to joke around like that.” you quickly answered, hoping to deflect her to another question, or that she’d finally talk to Hyunjin and ask him about his new song, so you could take a few moments to breathe. 
“So, you two are close?”
Oh no. 
Here it goes again. 
Last time this happened, your name got dragged on every social media platform.
People who were shipping the two of you got on your nerves, but that wasn’t the biggest problem.
No, it was the people who had sent you hate and death threats, telling you if they saw you next to Hyunjin again you’d be dead. 
It took a toll on your mental health and scared you since you know people can easily find an address or stalk you somewhere and you wanted to avoid any rumors that would endanger your well-being. 
“We're just coworkers.” to your surprise Hyunjin answered nonchalantly, saying exactly what you wanted to say so people would leave you alone. 
Why was there a weird feeling in your chest then?
“Well, sometimes there’s passion at the workplace.” Sarah wasn’t giving it up and you were close to losing your temper and telling her to shove it already, ask some less invasive questions. 
“No passion here, our relationship is strictly professional.” you said, but your skin burned where Hyunjin’s thigh pressed against yours.
In your mind you were cursing both him and Sarah, and even your manager for bringing you here.
Thankfully, she left it at that, continuing with questions about your upcoming tour and Hyunjin’s new song. 
As soon as the interview finished and you were done shaking hands, Ana came to you, her hand on your shoulder as she squeezed. 
In the corner of your eye, you saw Hyunjin slip out of the room.
“Good job.” she smiled as Anthony joined the two of you. 
“I hope you’re hungry, y/n. This time it’s my treat, and there’s this restaurant…”
You tuned Anthony out, completely forgetting that after an interview like this, the tradition is to have dinner with Hyunjin and his manager. 
“Can we skip dinner this time? I just wanna go home and lay down.”
“Nonsense, I hear your stomach growling from here. Come on, it’s free food you can’t say no.” Anthony made a goofy face, hoping to win you over.
“Fine, you had me at free food.” you sighed as Ana nodded with a smile.
“Good! Now where is our other rockstar?” he quickly looked around. “I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m a babysitter, not a manager.”
“I’ll go find him.” you offered, wanting to leave the building as soon as possible.
“Sure.” Ana nodded and you made your way down the hall.
Your footsteps echoed in the empty space, until you came closer to a corner where the sounds of hushed voices and giggles filled up your ears and made you roll your eyes. 
“You know I can’t give you my number, baby. But if there is an empty room around here somewhere…” Hyunjin was talking to the girl from earlier, leaning over her body as she stared up at him like he was a god, her back against the wall.
You cleared your throat, crossing your arms on your chest. 
Both of them looked up at you, Hyunjin giving you a smirk as he straightened up and the girl glared at you but you didn’t give a shit. 
“We need to leave right now. Our managers are waiting for us.” you said simply as the girl whined. 
“Shh, maybe some other time.” he shushed her, leaning towards her and your stomach flipped in disgust. 
He didn’t kiss her, just taunted her before he leaned back and made his way towards you. 
“Cockblocker.” he stuck his tongue out, the piercing adorning it catching the light for a moment. 
“Do you even know her name?” you asked, keeping a fast pace and a good distance away from him.
“No. Does it matter?” he shrugged, his long legs quickly catching up to you in big strides.
“You’re despicable.” your face scrunched up in disgust as you neared the elevator where your managers were waiting and chatting. 
“Throwing some big words around. You sure you know the meaning?” he smirked.
“That’s it.” you said angrily.
“What? You just basically told me I deserve to be hated just cause I wanted to have some fun.” 
You looked at him, full on ready to slap him across his face but Ana stepped between the two of you. 
“Fighting again? Can the two of you behave for just one evening?” Anthony frowned with a sigh as he called the elevator. 
“I can behave.” Hyunjin clicked his tongue cheekily before playing with his lip ring again. 
��Y/n?” Ana looked at you. 
“As long as he doesn’t talk to me, I’ll be fine.” you turned away from Hyunjin, stepping into the elevator. 
This is going to be one awkward dinner. 
-
Choosing to disconnect in the van you put your earphones in, ignoring Hyunjin’s presence right next to you. 
It’s like your managers wanted to have you two as close as possible, like they thought it’d make you hate each other less but at this moment there was nothing more you wanted than to get away from him. 
Or maybe your managers wanted to be closer to each other, you smirked to yourself as Ana twirled her hair around her finger, giggling at something Anthony said. 
You leaned back as the music flooded your ears, your figure slightly turned towards the window as you watched the street lights pass you by, totally unaware of a pair of eyes that were glued to you.
Hyunjin observed you in detail, how shiny your hair was as it cascaded down your back and shoulders, how your brows were slightly creased and your lips pouty as you listened to your music, the steady rise and fall of your chest, the way your fingers played with the hem of your shirt as you pulled on it, how pretty the rings adorning your fingers were, how the necklace you always wore laid gently on your collarbone.
No little detail was skipped as he drinked it all in, thinking you wouldn’t notice. 
But after some time as it got even darker outside, you caught Hyunjin’s reflection in the window as he stared at you with a look on his face that you’ve never seen before. 
Your stomach suddenly swirled as the two of you made eye contact on the glass, Hyunjin’s plump lips falling open before he sat up and looked away, acting like nothing happened. 
The rest of the ride was uneventful and you were tired of this day, having to look at Hyunjin was more exhausting to you than being on stage.
You couldn’t wait to get into your bed and disappear. 
As you walked into the restaurant, you were led to a table and you could see a few people whispering and pointing at you but usually they didn’t bother you much. 
However, this time was different. 
As you scanned the menu, a girl timidly approached your table and you looked up at her as she stood next to Hyunjin. 
“I’m - I’m sorry to bother you but I’m a really big fan and I was wondering if you’d take a picture with me?” she asked Hyunjin who immediately smirked at her.
“No pictures allowed. But you can get his signature.” Anthony chimed in. 
“And who the fuck are you?” the girl changed her demeanor right away, making Hyunjin chuckle.
“Easy there, sweetheart, that’s my boss.” he wiggled his eyebrows at the girl. “Come on I’ll give you a sign and you can write me your number, maybe I’ll call you, hm?” Hyunjin winked at her and you just about lost your appetite completely.
“Oh, sure, I’d love that!” she let out a nasally laugh as he signed a napkin with a pen she somehow produced, giving it back to her as she leaned over to write her number down, making sure her tits were right in his face before she skipped back to her friends. 
“Can there be at least one minute when you’re not trying to fuck something that walks?” you looked at him annoyingly and he laughed.
“Thought you weren’t talking to me.” he smirked. 
“Ugh, you’re so annoying!” you were ready to smack him with the menu in your hand but Ana caught your wrist. 
“I bet you love that about me.” he kept smirking. 
“Love is nothing near what I feel about you.” you said, your teeth gritted.
“There’s a fine line between love and hate, you know.” Hyunjin smirked, leaning into your personal space. 
“Anyways, guys. What are you ordering? Their steak is really good.” Anthony gave an awkward smile as he looked around the table. 
“I want the tomato pasta.” Hyunjin leaned back, making you cackle.
“Isn’t that the kids menu? Makes sense for you somehow.” 
“I’m saving room for dessert.” he winked at you, his tongue running over his lip tentatively, the piercing on it catching the light again. 
“Ew.” you jolted in disgust as he laughed loudly, obviously finding enjoyment in ticking you off. 
The dinner part of the outing was uneventful as everyone ate and made small talk but you didn’t miss how Hyunjin crumpled up the napkin with the fan’s number and threw it aside on the table, not caring about it. 
What an asshole. 
“Let’s make a little toast to this evening and the upcoming albums and tour.” Ana proposed as she lifted her glass up. 
“To us.” Hyunjin smirked as he looked at you. 
“To rock’n’roll!” you added as the four of you clinked your glasses together before taking a big swig of your drinks.
Hyunjin didn’t look at you on the drive home. 
-
Rehearsal was supposed to start at 9am sharp, but you were there bright and early, tuning your guitar. 
Being an early bird, you loved the few moments of peace you could have to yourself, just you and your music. 
Your hand glided easily on the guitar’s neck, taking shapes familiar to your hands, it was muscle memory by now, your fingers picking on the strings and creating the melody you played countless times before. 
You let your voice ring out in the space freely as you sang a song dear to your heart, one you wrote when you were younger. 
You’d always start warming up by singing it to yourself, never having the need to actually put it out into the world. 
You got into it, your eyes closed as you sang with a small smile on your face, the entire world around you disappearing shortly. 
In the distance, you heard footsteps and voices belonging to your bandmates and just as you opened your eyes, you looked through the glass on the door, a shadow slithered across the wall outside, disappearing around the corner.  
You squinted your eyes and stood up, putting your guitar aside and coming closer to the door. 
Just as you were about to reach towards the doorknob, the voices got louder. 
“Are we seriously doing this right now?” Janey asked, the tone of her voice angry. 
“I’m telling you, it was nothing! I don’t know who she is and why she’s texting me!” Steph defended herself as Janey scoffed.
“I’m sick of your excuses. I’m gonna give you one last chance to make it up to me and be truthful, but after that I’m done.” you stepped back as Janey came into view, opening the door angrily.
“Oh, y/n.” she widened her eyes slightly. “Good morning.” she added, scurrying past you to take her place behind the drum kit. 
Steph walked in with a scowl on her face, muttering a ‘morning’ before going straight to her bass guitar. 
It wasn’t the first time they fought or even broke up.
There were many times you had to be the mediator between them, trying to get them to communicate and even though it was frustrating, you didn’t want them to give up on their relationship easily and you couldn’t really take sides since they were both your friends. 
“Shall we?” you asked and they nodded. 
It took some warming up as always but soon you got into the groove, rehearsing for a small performance that was happening tonight.
You were excited because during the performance you planned to reveal your new song and see how people like it in person. 
The only thorn in your eye was the fact that Hyunjin’s band will be there too, performing right after yours. 
You were dreading to see him again, since that interview last week you had managed to avoid him skilfully, but you couldn’t hide forever. 
And even though your rehearsal went somewhat smoothly, there was tension in the air and you didn’t like that feeling.
It felt like a storm was coming and you weren’t sure if you’re ready to take it on. 
-
Evening came around quickly, everyone was already gathered backstage and you were dressed and ready, having rehearsed once more on the stage, tuning your guitars and getting ready for the most fun part. 
You peered from the back, seeing all the people gathering made your heart swell, a smile spreading on your face automatically. 
“Quite a turn out, huh?” 
Your eye literally twitched when you heard Hyunjin’s voice behind you, too close for comfort as his figure loomed over you and you felt the warmth of his body on your back.
You turned your head slightly as he peered down at you with that annoying smirk you absolutely hate. 
“Of course.” you said, squeezing your body between him and the curtain, ignoring him calling after you as you walked away as fast as you could.
You’re not gonna let him ruin tonight for you. 
It was time to go on stage anyways.
You and your girls did a little cheer as tradition before the performance, Ana coming up to hug you and wish you good luck. 
“Break a leg.” Hyunjin appeared out of nowhere and you only rolled your eyes before whipping around and almost smacking him with your hair as you made your way towards the stage. 
As soon as you walked out, loud screams filled up your ears and everything negative was forgotten and locked away in a drawer in the back of your mind. 
“Are you ready to rock tonight?!” you screamed out into the mic as the three of you took your positions. 
Hyunjin watched you from the side with an unreadable look on his face, but you weren’t even aware of it and you didn’t care. 
All you cared about was this moment. 
The moment where you get to share your love for music with thousands of people. 
It was exhilarating, watching the mass of bodies sway like one, hearing all the people singing the lyrics you wrote in unison. 
Nothing could compare to this and every time you stood under that light, you knew you were born for this. 
Giddy from everything, you skipped backstage once you finished playing the last song; which happened to be the new one and people more than loved it judging by their excited screams. 
“That was amazing!” Ana met you halfway, giving high fives to all three of you.
You were still trying to catch your breath as you giggled, when Hyunjin appeared next to you again. 
“Aren’t you gonna wish me good luck?” he smirked at you, shamelessly giving you the elevator eyes. 
“Good luck guys!” Janey yelled at all four members with a smile and a thumbs up but Hyunjin shook his head. 
“I want her to say it or I’m not going out on stage.” he crossed his arms on his chest, pouting and tapping his foot like a child about to throw a tantrum. 
“Come on, Hyun, we need to get out there!” Aiden, the band’s bassist called out. 
“Not moving until y/n wishes me good luck.” he quickly shook his head, his fluffy hair shaking with it and you thought how he resembled a dog; in more ways than one. 
“Fine you spoiled brat. Good luck.” you said sarcastically and he scoffed. 
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he smirked, leaning into your personal space again. 
“Get on the stage, Hyunjin.” you sighed and he chuckled in delight. 
“Watch me closely.” he winked before running off. 
“I can just cut the tension in the air with a knife.” Steph smirked at you, wiggling her eyebrows. 
“Oh, fuck off!” you said, smacking the back of her head as she cackled. 
You did end up watching Hyunjin’s band perform after refreshing yourself, but pretty soon you’ve come to regret that decision. 
He was wild while performing, stripping out of his jacket as he screamed into the mic, sweating under the bright lights pointed directly at him making him look like an insane glazed donut as he strutted around the stage acting all smug even though he tripped over his dumb long legs multiple times. 
He’d lean over towards his little groupies, holding their hand or caressing their faces, blowing them kisses and whatnot, all of that behavior making your gut churn in disgust. 
The last straw was when he laid down on his back and started humping the air while moaning into the mic. 
Even though the crowd screamed louder than before and the horny fans almost started hyperventilating, you felt second hand embarrassment at witnessing this. 
Hyunjin continued moaning before he threw his head back, his eyes locking with yours. 
A shiver ran down your spine as he smirked at you, all sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead, his piercings shining in the light, the veins on his neck visible and his cheeks red. 
A warmness spread in your navel as he winked, licking at his lip slowly, taunting you before he moaned extra loudly, the pornographic sound echoing in your ears. 
You frowned suddenly at your heart beating fast and your legs pressing together. 
What the fuck is wrong with me?, you thought, quickly shaking your head as he finally looked away from you and stood up. 
Of course, he got showered by multiple bras on stage, you think you even caught a glimpse of someone throwing their panties and you couldn’t watch anymore. 
It was truly disgusting. 
You quickly shoved past some staff members watching and gasping at whatever Hyunjin was doing now. 
Pushing past everyone, you made your way outside to get some fresh air in the hidden area behind backstage, where staff and musicians usually smoked or chilled after a performance. 
You greeted some of the staff before finding a spot where you could be alone. 
You were about to relax when you heard kissing sounds and as you turned to look around the corner you saw Steph kissing some random girl. 
You couldn’t contain the gasp that flew out of your mouth, making them jolt away from each other. 
Steph’s eyes widened when she saw you and you quickly spun around, noticing Janey had just walked outside too and started looking around. 
“Y/n, wait!” Steph yelled behind you. “It’s not what you think! Please, don’t tell Janey!” she looked at you desperately but you hated cheaters more than anything, seeing her betrayal with your own eyes broke any sort of connection you had with her. 
“Isn’t it? Your tongue was down some girl’s throat. Now, what do you call that?” you scoffed.
“What?” Janey appeared next to you, just as the girl who Steph was kissing before stood behind her. 
“It’s not like that, I-”
You could see Janey’s eyes filling up with tears. 
“That’s it, I’m done. With you and with the band. With everything.” you gasped when she said that, your eyes wide. 
“Janey, don’t be like that, it didn’t mean anything to me-” Steph started.
“Liar, you told me you’d leave her for me.” the girl behind Steph chimed in. 
“Oh, so this has been going on for some time?” Janey looked between Steph and the girl. 
“Let’s talk about this inside.” you tried to lead them in as people were whispering and looking at the four of you. 
“I have nothing else to say. I’m sorry, y/n. I can’t be a part of this band anymore when all it’s gonna do is remind me of this cheating whore.” Janey spat before turning around and leaving. 
“Okay, I deserve that but like I’m sorry that-”
“Save it, Steph. I can’t believe you did this. You put your desires over the well-being of our band. You do understand that your actions not only affect Janey, but also me, Ana and the rest of the record company?” you asked her, your blood boiling with anger. 
“I- I’m sorry, let me make it right. I’ll talk to Janey and she’ll forgive me once she understands-” 
“You think I want you to be part of the band after this? That’s rich.” you turned around too, in hopes of finding Janey. 
“Y/n, you can’t throw me out of the band!” Steph yelled behind you. 
“I just did.” you said coldly before opening the door and rushing into the backstage room. 
“Is Janey here?” you asked Ana and before she could answer, someone bumped into you rather strongly, making you stumble backwards a little.
You turned around angrily, noticing a very sweaty and breathless Hyunjin staring at you with a smile, his tongue lolling out of his lips as he played with his piercing. 
“So, did you like my performance?” he winked at you. “Did it get you excited?” the famous shit eating grin spread on his face as he leaned in closer to you, a few droplets of sweat dripping from his hair.
“I don’t have time for your games, Hyunjin. Please leave me alone.” you said annoyingly, noticing he had a bra hooked around his hand.
“What’s going on?” Ana asked, looking at you confusedly.
You were shaken up, the anger you felt manifesting into tears and you cursed yourself for being so emotional and quick to cry. 
“Woah, you’re crying!” Hyunjin stepped even closer to you but you’ve had enough of him. 
“Get away from me, asshole!” you channeled all your anger his way as you pressed your hands on his chest, pushing him away. 
Hyunjin stumbled with a gasp, a shocked look on his face. 
“What the hell is happening here?” Anthony quickly came to Hyunjin’s side as his bandmates watched everything unfold. 
“Ana, can we talk in private?” you glared once more at Hyunjin and she quickly nodded, hooking her arm with yours and taking you away from the scene. 
Hyunjin watched your figure disappear out of view with a deep frown on his face. 
-
It’s been a dreadful week.
You’ve tried talking to Janey multiple times, begging her to come back, promising to her that you wouldn’t let Steph come anywhere near her. 
Sadly, Janey was insistent on not wanting to continue with the band since lots of the songs were written by her and her now ex girlfriend who betrayed her in such an ugly way. 
You talked to Ana almost every day on the phone but you weren’t up for any visits, choosing instead to wallow in your sadness. 
Your band fell apart, your friends were no longer together, your album couldn’t be published and people were speculating, spreading rumors, you were getting numerous curious comments asking what happened to Venus Flytrap. 
You had no idea what to do at that moment. 
You just needed some time to yourself to figure out what your next step should be. 
You were lounging in your bed when your phone buzzed for the hundredth time.
Rolling your eyes, you grabbed it and saw that you had a text message from an unknown number. 
???: hey there pretty girl! don’t be so sad! there are worse things than your band falling apart. 
you: what, like death? and who is this? 
???: your favorite person in the whole world<3 
you: hyunjin?? 
???: aw i knew i was your favorite!
You started seething immediately as you sat up, your heart beating fast instantly as you worked yourself up into annoyance.
You quickly put his contact under ‘asshole’. 
you: no, i knew that a conceited answer like that can only come from an asshole like you.
you: now, what do you want?
asshole: did you save my contact as asshole? or dickhead? which one is it?
you: wouldn’t you like to know. seriously what the hell do you want. i’ll block you if you don’t get on with it
asshole: just wanted to see if you maybe want to talk to someone
you: if i did, i wouldn’t choose you. have a nice day away from me hyunjin
Hyunjin didn’t answer your last text, instead he left you on read and you tossed your phone across your bed, now feeling even more infuriated than before. 
You squinted your eyes, grabbing your phone again and texting Ana.
you: did you give my number to hyunjin??
Ana: i’m sorry! he wouldn’t stop bugging me about it! pls don’t be mad
Just great. 
Why is he insisting on annoying you even when you feel down in the dumps, you thought, he always has to come in and make you feel even more mad. 
You were hoping that with your last text he’d finally leave you alone.
You also hoped you wouldn’t be seeing him any time soon.
But boy, you couldn’t be more wrong.
-
“What?!” you yelled so loudly that it echoed off of the office walls.
“Y/n, please we don’t know any other solution. Lycoris Radiata is going to tour in 4 days and you’re the only person who knows their songs by heart. You can also kick ass with drums. And well, you’re kinda free now.” Anthony grimaced. 
“You can’t do this to me. I can’t spend so much time with Hwang Hyunjin!” you whined like a child, kicking your legs under the table as Ana gave you an apologetic look.
“Gossiping about me?” Hyunjin strolled in, with that annoying smirk, his hair in a little ponytail, showing more of his ear piercings and his sharp jawline. 
He took off his leather jacket, throwing it haphazardly on the chair before he plopped down into it. 
He spun around in the chair to face you as you looked at him with a scowl on your face.
Brendon, his guitarist and Aiden joined the meeting right after that.
“So, ready to be my new drummer?” Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows at you.
“Not a chance in hell.” 
“Y/n, please, we have no other choice! Phil had to leave so suddenly due to his sickness. We couldn’t be prepared for something like that. We can’t afford to postpone the tour now.” Brendon pleaded as Aiden nodded next to him. 
You leaned back into the chair, pursing your lips as you gave it a thought.
Of course they’d choose you. 
You knew their songs by heart since you shared so many tours together but you had your own bus and mostly ran into Hyunjin either backstage or at an afterparty but if you would become a part of his band you’d spend most of your time with him. 
But this could be good for you to give yourself time to decide what you wanna do next while touring with Lycoris Radiata. 
And since you were a multi instrumentalist, playing the drums wouldn’t be a problem for you.
You smirked suddenly before tilting your head at Hyunjin. 
“Fine. I will tour with you under one condition.” you said. 
“Anything!” Anthony piped in but you kept staring at Hyunjin. 
“I want you to beg.” your smirk deepened and Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly, his fingers twitching against his thighs. 
“What?” he blinked repeatedly and you chuckled under your breath. 
“Beg me to join your band or I’m not doing it.” 
Hyunjin’s lips opened and closed a few times before he frowned.
“I don’t beg. I demand.” he smirked, taunting you.
“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, you’re in no position to have demands. However, I am. So if I want you to beg, Hyunjin, you’re gonna beg.” you sat up straight as he looked at you in pure shock. 
“My, my darling. I didn’t know you were this commanding. I kinda dig that.” he wiggled his eyebrows. 
“Any day now.” you were ready to stand up and leave. 
The room was eerily silent and Brendon opened his lips to speak up but Anthony grabbed his wrist and quickly shook his head. 
You could see the gears turning in Hyunjin’s head as he stared at you, and slowly but surely his cheeks became red as he closed his eyes in frustration.
“Pretty please, join my band and come on tour with us?” he said, rather quickly and you tsked. 
“Not convincing enough.” you enjoyed having the upper hand, the roles reversed as you pushed Hyunjin’s buttons. 
“What do you want me to do?! Kneel at your feet?” he whined.
“Maybe.” you shrugged. 
“Unbelievable! I’m the one doing you a favor anyways.” Hyunjin said, clearly annoyed and you were reveling in it. 
You wanted him to get the taste of his own medicine.
“Is that so?” you raised your eyebrow as he breathed hard. 
“Yes, your band is as good as dead right now, just like your career.” he said with a smug smirk, making everyone gasp. 
“Hyunjin!” Aiden scolded him and you stood up, feeling your eyes water as you lifted your hand, your palm colliding with Hyunjin’s cheek. 
The force of your slap turned his head right and he grabbed at his cheek immediately, his eyes wide, his face becoming red quickly.
“Fuck you!” you said angrily before turning around and leaving the room as tears started sliding down your cheeks. 
“Now look at what you did!” Anthony was mad and Hyunjin shrugged with a frown, realizing quickly that maybe he did cross a line.
“How could you say something like that to y/n?” Brendon asked, and Hyunjin looked at them, feeling dejected suddenly as he rubbed at his cheek. 
There was strength in your hands, that he was sure of. 
“I fucked up, okay! I didn’t mean to say that.” he shook his head. “I will make this right.” Hyunjin added, standing up. 
“Dude, I think you’re the last person y/n wants to see right now.” Aiden said. 
“But I have to apologize to her.” Hyunjin chewed on his lip, playing with his piercing as a nervous habit.
“I’ll go with you then.” Aiden nodded, standing up as well. 
“Fine.” Hyunjin sighed. 
You sat in the swinging chair on one of the many balconies of the building, letting your tears slip down your cheeks as the wind picked up, making you shiver. 
Hyunjin and Aiden found you pretty quickly and before Aiden could follow him to the balcony, Hyunjin smacked his hand on Aiden’s chest. 
“Please, just wait here.” 
“Fine, but if you provoke her again, I’m coming in.” Aiden sighed, shaking his head. 
The door of the balcony opened and in the corner of your eye you saw Hyunjin’s combat boots and his leather pants. 
“Go away.” you said quietly, sniffling and turning away from him.
Hyunjin stood frozen for a moment, holding his jacket in his hand and you took that time to quickly wipe away your tears. 
You didn’t want to look weak in front of your enemy. 
Footsteps approached and suddenly you felt a weight on your shoulders and back. 
You looked down, realizing that Hyunjin had put his jacket around you and it smelled like cigarettes mixed with cologne he always wears and something distinctly him. 
You took a deep breath and for some reason, calmness settled all over your body. 
“I’m really sorry for what I said back there. It was way out of line.”
You didn’t say anything, still refusing to look at him. 
“And I’m sorry about your band. I know that must be hard to go through. I feel bad that my drummer had to leave, I don’t know how I’d feel if-”
“Are you done?” you turned to look at him and his lips pressed together. 
“I don’t care how you feel, Hyunjin. Just like you didn’t care about hurting me moments ago.” you stood up, ready to throw his jacket away. 
“Well, I apologized!” he threw his hands up, rolling his eyes. “Though, I’m glad I have that effect on you, I didn’t know you cared so much about what I think or say.” he smirked suddenly. 
You were tempted to slap his other cheek at that moment, and Aiden must’ve sensed it so he walked out to the balcony. 
“Are we okay?” he asked, gulping. 
“Not until he apologizes properly.” you crossed your arms with a smirk, and he knew exactly what you meant.
“Ugh! This is the first and last time I get on my knees for you.” Hyunjin said annoyingly as he kneeled down and you chuckled in delight. 
“I’m sorry for being an asshole and if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d be honored for you to join my band.” he batted his eyelashes at you. 
“Mm…” you pursed your lips, acting like you were contemplating it as he rolled his eyes again. 
“Fine. I accept.” you shrugged and Hyunjin stood up quickly with a smile.
“Welcome to the band, sweetheart!” he smirked, opening his arms for a hug and you quickly dodged under his arm and slithered away. 
“You’re welcome.” you smirked back, grabbing his jacket and throwing it at him.
He caught it just as you walked back into the hallway, grinning to himself as you walked away. 
“She wants me so bad.” Hyunjin said as Aiden’s eyebrows lifted comically. 
“I think she wants to kill you.” he said and Hyunjin chuckled, smacking Aiden’s shoulder and grabbing him. 
“I know what chicks like, okay?” 
“You also know that y/n isn’t one of your little groupies?” Aiden sighed.
“I know, don’t worry. She’s special.” Hyunjin smiled, hugging his jacket to his chest, getting a whiff of your perfume that stayed on it.
Aiden shook his head with a chuckle. 
This is gonna be one hell of a tour. 
-
The party was in full swing. 
That morning you had packed for the tour, your stomach swirling with nerves so much that you thought you’d throw up. 
You were actually going on tour with Lycoris Radiata, for at least six months. 
A lot can happen in that amount of time and while you were nervous to spend so much time with the infuriating and annoying asshole aka Hwang Hyunjin, you were also excited for the new experience and the places you’ll get to see.
Of course, you couldn’t leave without attending a ‘have an amazing tour’ party that was mostly exclusive only for staff and a few other people. 
You were on your second glass of beer as you sat at the bar, the cold bitter liquid not calming you down as it should. 
Hyunjin was having a jolly old time, entertaining some girls of course and if you had rolled your eyes any harder, they’d get stuck in the back of your head. 
“Don’t take that to heart.” Aiden suddenly appeared next to you.
“What?” you chuckled awkwardly, shaking away your thoughts.
“Hyunjin flirting like that. He’s a lot of talk, more than anything else.”
“Why would I care if he flirts with some random girls?” you frowned. “It’s none of my business.”
“Right.” Aiden pursed his lips. “Well, I’m gonna go find Anthony.”
“Sure.” you shrugged, your eyes flying back to Hyunjin and the girls who were salivating all over him. 
He was showing them his biceps and they were touching him like they’ve never seen a human arm in their life. 
You scoffed, shaking your head when a voice behind you startled you. 
“Now, why is a pretty lady such as yourself sitting all alone?” 
You turned around with your eyebrow lifted, coming face to face with a stranger. 
“Because it’s her choice.” you answered.
“Oh, feisty and pretty? That’s a fun combo.” the guy smirked, his arm leaning on your chair, almost hugging your waist as he got closer to you. 
Your nose scrunched up, he smelled of alcohol and you really wanted him to leave you alone. 
“I’m pretty boring, trust me.” you said.
“Oh, I don’t believe that. In fact, I think if you were to let me take you home tonight, you and I could have so much fun.” he smirked and you were pretty sure you barfed in your mouth a little.
“No, thank you.” you said sarcastically. 
He chuckled, placing his arms around you.
You were completely unaware of Hyunjin who was keeping an eye on you and the suspicious guy. 
As soon as the man placed his hands on you, Hyunjin pushed the girl he was talking to aside, his heavy combat boots taking him right to you and the disturbance in your personal space.
“I don’t really take no for an answer.” he said and your heart sank momentarily. 
“Back off man!” you tried to push him away but he wasn’t budging.
Suddenly the guy was ripped away from you with such force that it pulled you to your feet.
You grabbed at the bar to steady yourself and gasped just in time to see Hyunjin swinging his fist at the man. 
“Oh my god!” you almost screamed, your eyes wide as the guy fell to the floor instantly. 
People quickly gathered around and Anthony was trying to push them away so he could grab Hyunjin. 
“The lady said no, you fucking dirtbag!” Hyunjin said, swinging at the man again. 
“Oh my god, Hyunjin! Stop, it’s okay, please!” you panicked, never seeing him this angry or violent. 
“Hwang! Enough!” Anthony yelled, grabbing Hyunjin’s arms and lifting him up as he fought against his manager, still trying to punch the man who was now laying on the floor with his face completely bloody. 
You kept looking at Hyunjin with a shocked expression as he breathed hard, his face red and sweaty from anger, the veins on his neck and forehead popping out.
“I stopped, now let me go.” he said through his teeth as someone lifted up the unconscious guy.
“Hyunjin, if this gets out to the press it could turn into a fucking shitstorm! What the hell is wrong with you?!” Anthony yelled angrily as Hyunjin stood with his fists still clenched. 
“He made y/n uncomfortable and he deserved it.” Hyunjin answered before turning towards you. 
“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes softening as you stared at him in disbelief.
“I-I’m fine.”
“Good. I’m done with this party.” Hyunjin said, turning on his heel and grabbing his jacket before he walked out, leaving you standing there still trying to process what the hell just happened.
-
You were half asleep when Ana drove you to the tour bus. 
You barely slept last night, tossing and turning in your bed as the images of Hyunjin punching that guy from the party kept swimming in your head. 
Never has a man defended you like that and you’ve never seen Hyunjin look so livid before. 
He was usually either smirking, laughing or being a menace, ready to always annoy you but you’ve never seen him actually angry.
It was kind of… hot, you thought before shaking it off.
You wondered why he reacted like that.
“You okay?” Ana snapped you out of your vegetative state as you sank in the passenger seat, arms crossed and hood over your head. 
“Hm? Yeah, just sleepy.” you sat up and looked around. 
The sun wasn’t even up yet. 
“You can continue sleeping on the tour bus. We’re here.” she chuckled. 
“Oh, goody.” you sighed before opening the door and walking out.
“Morning, ladies.” Anthony all but ran up to Ana, helping her with yours and her bags since she’d be joining you too. 
“Morning? It’s still night.” you checked your phone, seeing it was 4:13am. 
“Not where I come from. You see-” Anthony started.
“Okay, I’m too asleep to listen to this.” you shook your head before strolling towards the bus. 
You were about to just climb in and go straight to the nearest bed you could find but you heard some quiet music coming from behind the back of the bus. 
You approached slowly and peeked around to see Hyunjin leaning on the wall, smoking and listening to some quiet music. 
He looked up instantly, seeming like a deer caught in headlights for a short moment. 
“Remembered to put on a jacket?” he smirked. 
“Ha ha. Very funny.” you said and he shrugged, looking away and turning the music off. 
As he brought his cigarette to his lips, you noticed his knuckles were red and injured. 
“I guess I should thank you for last night.” you said quietly, swinging on your feet awkwardly as you dug your hands in your pockets. 
“It was nothing.” he shook his head quickly. 
“I wouldn’t call that nothing.” you motioned to his hand. 
“This?” he looked at his hand and chuckled. “You should see the other guy.” he winked at you, making you roll your eyes. 
“Clever.” 
“Come to think of it, it does hurt a bit. Wanna kiss it better?” Hyunjin smirked, puffing the smoke out. 
“Bite me.” you gave him the middle finger as he laughed, the sound ringing out in the quiet early hours.
“I might. If you ask nicely.” he said with that smug expression of his.
“I’m going inside.” you shivered, realizing how cold it actually was, ignoring his witty quips. 
“I’m right behind ya.” he threw his cigarette on the floor before stepping on it. 
Your heart started beating fast out of nowhere as his heavy boots stomped behind you, the sound escorting you to the entrance of the bus. 
“Oh wow.” your eyes widened as you looked around the living/kitchen area. 
“You like?” Hyunjin leaned over your shoulder and you jolted away from him, making him snicker. 
“Yeah, it’s… not what I expected. It looks more cozy than I thought it would.” you nodded.
“You should thank the interior designer.” he wiggled his eyebrows.
“And who might that be?” you asked, making your way to the bunk bed area. 
“Oh, just a guy. He takes payment in kisses.” Hyunjin bumped into you as you stopped. 
“Is that guy maybe you?” you turned around, not realizing immediately just how close Hyunjin was to you. 
“Maybe it is.” he leaned towards you with a smirk and you squealed a little, stepping away from him.
“Give it up. I’m taking the top bunk bed.” you pointed to the left side. 
“Not fair! I always take that one!” Hyunjin pouted.
“Tough luck, I called it first.” you smirked, taking off your jacket and throwing it up on the bed. 
“Or… we can both sleep up there?” Hyunjin said and you scoffed, pushing him away. 
“Like hell!” 
“Are y’all fighting this early?” Brendon came in, looking confused and disheveled. 
“No, it’s foreplay.” Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows and you made gagging noises. 
“Here’s your bag, y/n.” Ana appeared with your luggage. 
Aiden and Anthony came in after and everyone took some time to unpack and get settled. 
“I heard we have two pretty ladies with us, so you fellas gotta behave now.” you heard an unknown voice and leaned over to see who it belonged to.
“Oh, we always behave, Stu.” Hyunjin smirked. 
“Yes, especially you.” the man, Stu, rolled his eyes. 
“This is our main driver Stu.” Aiden introduced you and Ana to him. 
“Pleasure to meet you ladies. Hopefully the road won’t be too bumpy.” he winked before turning around and leaving. 
“Where is Bradley?” Anthony piped in suddenly.
“Who’s Bradley?” you asked, at this moment you just wanted to get everything over with and catch up on some sleep.
“Our sound guy.” Brendon answered. “And lights guy. He is underpaid and overworked, basically.” he added, giving Anthony a pointed look. 
“Hey, it’s not my fault Mike quit!” he lifted his hands up. “Besides, we’re picking someone up in the next town over. He’ll be our roadie along with Bradley.” 
As they started discussing, you slipped away to the bathroom, where you could change in peace and get ready for bed. 
You leaned on the counter, staring at yourself in the mirror as you listened to the muffled voices talking. 
Were you doing the right thing? 
Accepting to join another band when your heart still hurts from the sudden falling apart between your friends and band members… 
“Y/n, I need the bathroom!” Hyunjin’s voice brought you back to reality and you stood up straight. 
“I’m not done yet!” you yelled back. “You have another bathroom!” you added annoyingly, preparing to brush your teeth. 
“Aiden hogged it. Are you naked or something? Cause I swear I don’t mind.” 
You could just hear the smirk in his voice. 
Rolling your eyes, you opened the door and Hyunjin gave you the elevator eyes and they lingered on your legs in the shorts you put on, going up to your chest and lingering again before he looked up at your face. 
He was playing with his lip ring again, his cheeks rosy. 
“What do you want?” you spat.
“Just wanna brush my teeth.” he looked at you smugly. 
You didn’t say anything, just stepped aside and continued brushing your teeth. 
You opted to leave the door opened since it felt awkward to have them closed. 
“Isn’t this fun, us brushing our teeth together? It’s kinda domestic, don’t you think?” Hyunjin said suddenly, the familiar smirk on his face. 
“Yes, thrilling.” you answered sarcastically. “You don’t have to act nice, Hyunjin. Everyone knows we hate each other so let’s just not talk too much and try to coexist peacefully for the sake of everyone else on this tour.”
Hyunjin opened his mouth to answer but you quickly turned around and left, not wanting to get into it with him when you were tired and nervous. 
He smirked to himself, shaking his head. 
The only thing stuck in his brain at that moment was the way you said his name. 
God, he loved it. 
-
You slept for a few hours only, waking up early yet again as the bus rolled to a stop at a diner. 
“Rise and shine, princess.” Hyunjin’s head popped up in front of you as he held onto your bed.
“Fuck off.” you grabbed your pillow and smacked him with it, almost making him fall down but he managed to land on his feet. 
You heard a smack and Hyunjin saying ‘ow’ quietly before Aiden said,
“Come down if you’re hungry.” 
You chuckled to yourself, waiting for them to leave so you could get ready.
Of course, as soon as you sat down in a booth, Hyunjin pushed Brendon aside and quickly slid next to you. 
“Oh my god.” you rolled your eyes. 
You were squished between him and Ana on your other side, and he was too close for comfort. 
You could feel the heat of his body and smell the scent of his shampoo and body wash mixed with cigarettes. 
You tried to ignore the feelings stirring in your gut as you ordered.
“So, how did you like sleeping on top of me?” Hyunjin smirked, tilting his head. 
“Not as much as you liked sleeping under me, weirdo.” you scoffed at him and he chuckled.
“I liked it very much, so that must mean you liked it at least a little.” he said as the food arrived and your stomach growled. 
“Whatever you say.” you brushed him off and started to dig in. 
“We’re close to our first destination.” Anthony started after a sip of coffee. “We will arrive around 4pm and have lunch, then we get ready and do the soundcheck. Questions?”
Everyone shook their heads no. 
You suddenly felt nervous tingles running up your spine, and for some reason Hyunjin felt it. 
“Don’t worry princess, you’ll do great.” he smirked, placing his hand on top of your wrist. 
You snatched your hand away and looked at him. 
“I know I will, I was just wondering if you’ll be able to keep up with me.” you smirked back at him. 
“You’ll be surprised at how well I can keep up, baby.” Hyunjin leaned into your personal space, his eyes boring into yours and you felt your cheeks burning.
“Be nice, you two.” Ana chuckled.
“What? I haven't called him an asshole yet. Emphasis on yet.” 
Hyunjin laughed next to you, his arm brushing against yours.
Oh, he is so going to enjoy this.
-
It was such a good, familiar feeling to sit behind a drum kit after being the main vocalist and guitarist of your band for so long. 
The venue was empty at this moment and the sound of the drums echoing in the space was grand. 
You closed your eyes and started playing a groove to get into the mood and Hyunjin was lured towards the stage instantly. 
He watched you in awe even though he saw you play the drums before, they never had the name of his band on the front of them. 
Hyunjin felt proud; that his band has come so far and honored that you were now a part of their story. 
He hoped you’d enjoy the tour and judging by the blissful look on your face, you were off to a good start. 
“Let’s go, Hyun.” Brendon smacked his shoulder, pulling him back to reality. 
It was time for the soundcheck, and when everyone was finally on stage, tuning their instruments, you realized that this is real. 
Excitement replaced any nerves you had and you were ready to tear the stage apart. 
“Let’s jam a little.” Aiden smiled as everyone agreed.
He started to play a melody on his bass so you followed him with the drums.
You were so focused on grooving that you didn’t notice Hyunjin winking at his two other band members.
When it was time for him to start playing his guitar, Hyunjin decided to play totally out of tune. 
You looked up at him with your brows furrowed as you tried to follow him.
He changed it up suddenly, that familiar shit eating grin spreading on his face as you followed him yet again. 
Brendon and Aiden stopped playing as they observed the two of you, battling it out with your instruments. 
Hyunjin was trying hard to get on your nerves, push your buttons but you weren’t gonna let him in. 
“Having some trouble following, princess?” he yelled over the noise. 
You looked at him pointedly as he started to play another melody that made no sense and you’ve had enough. 
Hyunjin had a way of getting under your skin and he obviously knew that. 
Your arm lifted up on its own accord and you swung one of your drumsticks right at Hyunjin, aiming for his empty head. 
His eyes widened and he managed to dodge it in a close second as the drumstick clattered on the floor. 
“Ha! Attempted murder! Y’all saw that!” he pointed at you, while looking at his friends and you started laughing. 
“Don’t worry, even if it did hit your head, it couldn’t damage it more than it already is.” you smirked as Hyunjin huffed. 
“Oh baby, keep talking. Degradation is my thing.” he motioned towards his ear with his fingers and you made a disgusted face at him. 
Of course, the asshole laughed at your expression. 
“Guys, can we actually practice?” Brendon chimed in as Aiden nodded. 
Instead of answering verbally, you started playing so everyone joined in. 
-
“Are you nervous?” Aiden asked as the venue filled up and it all became real.
“Nope, I’m ecstatic!” you answered, twirling your drumstick in your hand. 
“Trying to murder me once again?” Hyunjin appeared next to you as you almost hit him with it.
“Trust me, if I was trying to kill you, you’d already be dead.” 
“Nobody’s killing anyone, we’re already short on staff.” Anthony smirked before putting his arms around Hyunjin and Brendon’s shoulders. 
“Good luck guys! And y/n, of course. I know y’all will do great.” Anthony smiled. 
Ana came up to you to hug you. 
“Good luck, babe!” she smiled. 
“Thank you.” you gave her a bone crushing hug, she was always like a sister to you and having her here now meant a lot to you. 
As soon as you walked out on stage, the screams of all the people that came to see you perform were deafening but heartwarming. 
Hyunjin was the main character on stage, that you were convinced of as whatever he did resulted in even louder screaming. 
You didn’t mind being the backbone of the band, playing drums to you was a meditative and transcending experience and anything you were angry or upset about, you could take it out while playing. 
Performing with Lycoris Radiata was fun as fuck, even more than you hoped for; seeing Hyunjin up close made you realize just why people loved him so much. 
He was charismatic, cool and lame at the same time, ethereally beautiful and down to earth, fun but sensitive, alluring but cute, he gave his all and more. 
He was everything wrapped up in one and you wondered how that was possible. 
A particular moment struck you; when you were playing a slower song, Hyunjin sang so delicately, his back turned to you as the lights beamed down on his frame, his sweaty hair and skin making him look like he was glowing. 
Your heart skipped a beat but you ignored it. 
Near the end of the show, Hyunjin did his usual routine which consisted of making everyone’s panties wet; it was time for the sex song he always sang near the end which made you feel embarrassed and uncomfortable but something about being on stage with them got you in the right mood for it.
The part came up; and Hyunjin was on the floor, moaning and humping the air as you followed his moans with the heavy sound of your drums. 
Hyunjin smirked, throwing his head back to look at you as he continued his ministrations and you continued following him on the drums. 
Aiden and Brendon joined in as Hyunjin became louder, resulting in you hitting the drums harder as the sounds all came together in a crescendo. 
You wished that you could press your thighs together to create pressure and friction because the whole thing managed to get you wet too. 
A part of you felt ashamed but you didn’t give a flying fuck in that moment, completely letting go of everything as the four of you continued jamming together. 
Hyunjin stood up with the biggest smile on his face, winking at you as he ran a lap around the stage before literally diving into the audience. 
You gasped to yourself but continued playing the outro to the performance while Hyunjin was being groped by horny fanboys and fangirls. 
Security was there to pull him back up on stage safely and Hyunjin sang the end of the song before screaming a ‘thank you’ into the mic. 
After all four of you bowed a hundred times, you finally ran backstage where a very sweaty Hyunjin started hugging everyone, eventually coming up to you. 
“Don’t even think about it.” you said as he opened his arms. 
“Not thinking, just doing it.” he smirked and before you could run away, his arms wrapped around you and he pulled you into his body. 
“Ew!” you squirmed against him and he chuckled. 
“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.” he held you tighter and your heart leaped out of your chest. 
The bastard smelled so good even after sweating so much and it annoyed you how seemingly perfect he was. 
“What, a gross sweaty man slobbering all over me?” you scrunched up your face as you finally pushed him away.
“I wasn’t slobbering but if you’re into that-”
“Please shut up while I’m still in a good mood.” you stopped him and he laughed. 
“It’s so fun messing with you, darling.” Hyunjin ruffled your hair as you practically hissed at him, making him laugh again. 
“You guys were fucking amazing!” Anthony yelled excitedly. 
“I don’t know about you but I need some food.” Aiden piped in. 
“I’m feeling thirsty, honestly.” Brendon added.
“Are we partying or what?” Hyunjin smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. 
“Hell yeah, we are!” Anthony high-fived him. 
You ended up having the afterparty in the bus, ordering some food and acquiring some beer as you sat around in the living space. 
Of course, as soon as you walked in, you ran for the shower, with Hyunjin cascading behind you and asking if he could join you because “it’ll be done faster”. 
“Dream about it, asshole!” you yelled before closing the bathroom door. 
“Oh, I do.” Hyunjin smirked to himself, but you didn’t hear him. 
The excitement of the performance slowly washed away from your body along with Hyunjin’s scent that lingered after he hugged you, and you felt happy and cozy. 
All of you finally settled down to eat and Hyunjin claimed the spot next to you, of course, his long slender fingers stealing your fries constantly.
“Will you back off! You have your own fries.” you slapped his arm as he whined. 
“Yours are tastier.” he claimed with that familiar smirk of his.
“Are they now?” you smirked back. 
“Mhm.” he nodded pointedly.
“Let’s see then.” you grabbed your box and dumped all your fries into his box before mixing them up. “Pick one up and distinguish if it’s from your box or mine.”
Hyunjin stared at you with his lips parted before he smiled. 
“Aw, we’re sharing.” he said and continued eating as you heard some chuckles around the table. 
“For fucks sake.” you muttered, shaking your head.
The rest of the night was full of chatter and laughter, and you didn’t mind Hyunjin’s arm or leg brushing against you ever so often, or his loud laughter ringing in your ears or him constantly poking at you. 
It’s barely been one day on tour and he wasn’t as unbearable as you thought he’d be. 
Everyone was tired and you had to hit the road so it was finally peaceful, before a loud scream startled everyone.
“Oh no, I am going to die!” Hyunjin wailed dramatically.
“What’s wrong with him?” you rolled your eyes as Aiden came in. 
“He lost his teddy bear.” 
“He what?” you chuckled in disbelief.
“Hyunjin’s teddy, he always takes it with him. He’s had it since he was a baby and he’s convinced it brings him luck.” Aiden shrugged and Hyunjin ran into the living area.
“We are doomed!” he said, grabbing your arms and shaking you. 
“Calm down, it must be around here somewhere.” you sighed.
“Help me look?” Hyunjin batted his eyelashes at you as Aiden slipped away.
“Hyunjin, I’m tired, I need to get some sleep.” you whined. 
“Me too! But I can’t sleep without my teddy.” he said, you couldn’t believe he was serious. “I will crawl up to your bunk and annoy you all night if you don’t help me look.” he added, smirking.
“Fine, I’ll help you.” you rolled your eyes.
“Wow, you don’t want me in your bed at all?” he kept smirking. 
“Zip it. Let’s find your precious teddy.”
“Yes!” Hyunjin scurried after you as the two of you basically did a search and rescue mission for his favorite plush. 
Eventually, you walked into the other bathroom, finding the old teddy sitting on the counter.
“There you are.” you picked up, chuckling at the state of it. 
You couldn’t help it as you sniffed the teddy and sure enough it smelled just like its owner. 
“Found it!” you yelled and Hyunjin bursted in, panting and smiling. 
“Oh my god!” he exclaimed, grabbing the teddy and then you as he enveloped you in a hug for the second time that night. 
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Hyunjin held you tightly and you chuckled. 
“Alright, you’re thankful, I get it. You can let go now.” you said, patting his back. 
“I owe you.” he muttered.
“I really didn’t do anything.” 
“You did, trust me.” he smiled. 
As you laid in your bunk bed that night, you couldn’t stop thinking about Hyunjin. 
He seemed somehow different or you were just now seeing different sides of him that you didn’t see before. 
You didn’t hate him completely. 
-
Ten days on tour and things were going great. 
Every show was better than the last one, every venue bigger than the last one, every note played made Lycoris Radiata mean more and more to you. 
Tonight was no exception as you ripped the stage once again, this time Hyunjin ended up lifting Aiden and spinning him at the end which almost made the poor man throw up from excitement. 
“This was Lycoris Radiata, see you next time!” and with that you ran backstage where Hyunjin had to hug everyone, even asking for a group hug. 
You had to humor him. 
When your head finally hit the pillow, you couldn’t sleep even though you were exhausted. 
You kept replaying one particular moment from the show in your head. 
It was while Hyunjin was singing his famous sex song, before the moaning part, he came up to you and sang while looking at you. 
You kept playing and looking at him intently as he sang the lewd lyrics right into your face. 
Before he took off, Hyunjin lifted his hand, making a V shape with his fingers, doing the licking motion between them, his tongue piercing shining in the big stage light. 
Your mouth fell agape for a moment as you felt hotness spread all over your body and he smirked smugly when you made a tiny mistake in your playing. 
People didn’t notice but he did. 
And he was satisfied with it. 
You couldn’t stop thinking about it, and it had been a while since you’ve had a little ‘you time’ but it was hard to do that with so many people in the bus. 
Your eyes fluttered closed and you sighed, hearing some shuffling beneath you. 
“Y/n?” Hyunjin suddenly climbed up into your bed, startling you as you sat up and turned on the little light inside. 
“W-what are you doing?” 
“I can’t sleep. And I figured you weren’t sleeping either.” Hyunjin whispered.
“And how did you figure that?” you clutched your blanket. 
“You sighed like a hundred times.” he chuckled quietly.
“What do you want?” you rolled your eyes with a smile. 
“To hang out.” he pulled out a deck of cards out of nowhere. 
“We can’t make too much noise, we’ll wake everyone up.” you shook your head. 
“Fine then we’ll do something quiet.” Hyunjin smirked, tossing the cards aside and laying down next to you, his eyes closing.
“Turn the light off, sweetheart.” he cracked one eye open as you stared at him in disbelief. 
“You are not sleeping in my bunk. Go back downstairs.” you whispered.
“No.” he answered simply. 
“Hyunjin, I’m warning you, I will push you down.”
“Will you? You’ll wake up the whole bus.” he smirked. 
“God, you’re so annoying!” you whisper-yelled, giving up as you laid down, turning away from Hyunjin. 
“Be nice and share your blanket.” Hyunjin’s breath hit the back of your neck, making you shiver as goosebumps rose on your skin. 
“Need anything else?” you muttered as he hogged your blanket and your personal space. 
“A goodnight kiss?” Hyunjin leaned over you, peering at your face hopefully.
You gave him the side eye and he chuckled. 
“Maybe some other time, hm?” he asked. 
“Go to sleep.” you said and he laid down behind you. 
“Goodnight, darling.” Hyunjin wanted to reach out and touch your hair but he figured you’d probably break his arm. 
You didn’t answer, your heart beating so hard that you were afraid it was shaking the bed and Hyunjin could feel it. 
You quickly turned off the light and tried to calm down.
There was enough space to where he wasn’t touching you but you felt his warmth, his scent, his breath on your skin.
It was driving you crazy and making you feel calm at the same time. 
You managed to fall asleep somehow.
-
At some point, in the middle of the night, Hyunjin and you gravitated closer to each other and you ended up in his arms. 
When you slowly blinked your eyes open and realized you were staring straight at Hyunjin’s chest, you jolted away from him, making him groan quietly. 
“Where you goin’?” he mumbled into your pillow, trying to grab you.
“As far as I can from you.” you said, wiggling out of his arm that eventually caught you as he groaned again.
“Something’s poking my ass.” Hyunjin gasped when he rolled over and you laughed. 
“It’s the cards, you idiot.” rolling your eyes, you left the bunk feeling embarrassed and insane as your face heated up. 
What are you doing, sleeping in the same bed as Hyunjin?
You hate him, right?
You weren’t so sure anymore. 
Yes, he was annoying but somehow that became kind of endearing. 
He has bugged you every single day since the tour started and if he suddenly stopped, it’d feel weird. 
You sighed, shaking off your thoughts as you grabbed your phone, munching on your breakfast. 
“Morning, y/n. Tell me am I crazy or did Hyunjin sleep over in your bunk?” Ana smirked at you as she brought two coffees. 
“You are crazy. But yes, he slept in my bunk.” you said. 
“Interesting.” she smirked, lifting one eyebrow up. 
“Hey, I saw you sleeping in Anthony’s bunk multiple times. What’s that about?” you teased as you opened up your insta. 
“Well, everyone knows we have a thing for each other. You and Hyunjin though�� oh yeah, you have a thing too.” 
“We don’t have a thing.” you quickly said as Ana chuckled. 
“Right. Mhm.” 
You continued scrolling, and that’s when you noticed it; the hate comments on your posts. 
‘She’s just a slut who’s after Hyunjin’
‘She’s delusional if she thinks he’d like her like she’s ugly lmao’
‘Untalented bitch’
‘Get her away from my Hyunjin’
‘She deserved her band falling apart they were shit anyways’
‘Y/n should retire from the music scene’
Your eyes started stinging with tears as you skimmed through the comment section. 
“What’s wrong?” Ana tilted her head to look at you. 
You slid your phone to her and she gasped. 
“You know these people are probably some jealous, unsuccessful suckers.” she said. 
“I need some air.” you sucked in a breath before hurriedly leaving the bus. 
“What’s with her?” Hyunjin walked in. “Is she mad at me?”
“No, look.” Ana showed him your phone. 
Hyunjin frowned instantly, running out of the bus after you. 
You stood not too far away with a cigarette in your hand as you hugged yourself with your other arm and Hyunjin’s eyes softened when he saw you shivering in the wind.
“I knew you’d forget to bring a jacket.” Hyunjin put his leather jacket around you, smoothing his hand over your back a few times. 
You exhaled a puff of smoke, not answering him as you melted into his big jacket. 
Hyunjin took out a cigarette for himself and you reached out with your lighter, lighting it up as he smirked. 
“Since when do you smoke?” he asked.
“Well, I’m feeling extra stressed right now so I needed something to take the edge off.” you shrugged. 
“Because of the comments?” 
“I don’t wanna talk about them.” 
“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin sighed. 
“It’s not your fault.” you said. 
“I feel like it is.” 
Hyunjin was standing so close to you that his arm was touching yours while both of you continued smoking.
You stood silently next to each other for a few more moments as the clouds passed you by, and slowly but surely Hyunjin closed the gap between your hands as he  touched yours briefly before he wrapped his pinky around yours. 
“Hey, you know I’m honored you’re part of my band.” his tone was serious and you couldn’t bear to look at him or you’d burst into tears. 
“I know.” you smiled as you kept looking into the distance. 
He smiled too, his eyes focused on you.
Hyunjin had your back; and that was a pinky promise.
-
Finally, you arrived to your next destination, and you’d be there for a few days which meant you had to check into a hotel. 
You were glad to have some time to yourself, you needed a real shower and a real bed and just some time to get away from everything, recharge your batteries. 
You just finished with your shower and skincare when your phone annoyed you, buzzing with texts constantly. 
When you grabbed it you realized that you forgot to change Hyunjin’s name from ‘asshole’. 
You laughed to yourself, deciding to just add a little heart at the end. 
asshole<3: y/n what are you doing
asshole<3: why aren’t you answering
asshole<3: i’m BOREEEED
asshole<3: y/n!!!! 
asshole<3: princess?
asshole<3: i’m coming to your room
“Shit!” you exclaimed just in time when Hyunjin knocked on your door.
“Go away, Hyunjin!” you yelled on the other side. 
“Never! I will wake the whole damn floor if you don’t open this door.” he banged against it. 
“Spoiled brat.” you muttered to yourself before opening the door. 
“Oh.” Hyunjin looked you up and down, your hair still wet from the shower, your little nightgown accentuating all your goodies. 
“Did you dress up for me?” he smirked as his tongue darted out to play with his lip piercing; a habit you picked up on.
“Oh yeah, I was just waiting for you to come knocking on my door.” you answered sarcastically.
“Oh come on, I brought snacks.” he lifted up a few bags. 
“You should’ve said that first.” you stepped aside, letting him in. 
“So, are you here just because you’re bored?” you scoffed as he practically skipped to your bed before throwing himself on it. 
“No, I’m here cause I know you miss me.” he smirked at you. “I spared you the walk to my room, princess.” 
“Oh yeah, I am the one who missed you.” you said pointedly. 
“I know you are.” he wiggled his eyebrows and you groaned, throwing a pillow at him but the slick bastard caught it. 
“I’m gonna change into something else.” you said, feeling a bit self-conscious. 
“Into what? After that outfit, the only logical thing is to have nothing on.”
“Wouldn’t you like that?” you snickered. 
“I would.” he smirked. 
“Changing right now!” you left for the bathroom to put on some actual pjs. 
“Don’t cross this line, Hyunjin.” you pointed as the two of you settled in your bed, ready to watch a movie and snack. 
He smiled his shit eating grin and put his finger over the line. 
“Whoops, crossed it.”
“Next time you lose a finger.” you threatened.
“Where is it gonna be misplaced?” he smirked. 
“Not where you think.”
“You don’t know what I’m thinking.” he leaned closer to you. “But I can show you.”
“No thanks. Just watch the movie.” 
It was quiet for some time until Hyunjin spoke up. 
“I’m thinking of getting another tattoo.”
“Oh?” you didn’t take your eyes off the screen. “Where?”
“My back. I wanna finish what I started with my arm and shoulder.” he answered. 
“Which is?” you looked at him and he smirked. 
“Glad you asked.” he said, taking his shirt off. 
“Woah, woah, what are you doing?” you jolted as he tossed it aside. 
“Showing you my tattoos.” he giggled. “See, it’s one big picture. I sketched the original on my paper, it’s a flower’s life story. From a little seed all the way to the dust it becomes after it wilts forever. It’s not finished yet though.” he turned and you gulped. 
“That’s a beautiful thought actually.” 
“Feel the flowers.” Hyunjin turned his shoulder to you. 
“I’m not gonna touch your tattoos.” you said. 
“Come on, you know you want to.” he taunted you. 
“No, I don’t.” you shook your head. 
“Yes, you do. You started ogling me as soon as I took my shirt off.”
“That’s because of your musc- nothing, nevermind.” you quickly caught yourself, biting your tongue as your face started burning. 
“Because of what? My muscles? You like them?” he started flexing immediately.
“That’s disgusting, stop acting like that.” you slapped his arm without thinking and you both froze. 
“Oh.” Hyunjin smirked before taking your hand in his. “Really, I want you to feel my tattoos.” 
“Fine if it gets you to shut up.” 
Your fingers gently traced the delicate art on Hyunjin’s skin, starting from his wrist up his arm as you watched goosebumps rise on his skin. 
You took your time to trace every leaf and petal as Hyunjin looked at you intently, his breaths coming out shaky as you traced over his arm, your fingers swirling with the intricate patterns. 
Your hand came up to his shoulder as you continued tracing, his skin was so smooth and he was so warm under your touch. 
“Y/n.” Hyunjin whispered, his hand covering yours as he leaned in closer to you, his eyelids hooded. 
Your eyes widened when you realized he was about to kiss you and you quickly moved away. 
“What the hell are you doing?!” you stood up and Hyunjin frowned at you. 
“What does it look like I’m doing?!” 
“Trying to get into my pants!” you scoffed. “I think you should sleep in your room.”
“B-but, it’s not like that!” Hyunjin stood up and you backed away.
“I know what it’s like. Please leave.” 
“Fine.” Hyunjin looked dejected as he grabbed his phone and shirt. “Teddy is lonely without me anyways.” he said, making a theatrical leave out of your room as he dragged his feet and kept giving you pointed looks. 
You were almost close to telling him he can stay, but as soon as he leaned in, you panicked and didn’t know how to react so you kept your mouth shut.
And you continued spiralling when he left, thinking about if he actually likes you or just wants to fuck you like he does to any girl. 
You’ve seen him with girls on his arms constantly and while you always thought what you felt was hate or disgust; in this moment you recognized it was jealousy and it didn’t feel good at all.
taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @starlost-mochi-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun @scarlet789 @skzdust @simpforleeknaur @schniti-is-in-the-house
part 2
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aithusarosekiller · 11 months ago
Text
GUESS WHAT
GUESS WHAT
GUESS WHAT
They're fictional characters, so it doesn't matter 🤩
BUT I guess if we're gonna be all snobby about it let's at least admit that canon Sirius probably wouldn't like the popular 70s artists everyone constantly says he would either
Like have you read any of that man's scenes? He'd probably listen to a lot of classical (particularly after Azkaban) And at a stretch maybe some darkwave
He would also probably listen to predominantly magical artists but y'all aren't ready for that conversation
People just think he listened to popular rock music because he had a motorbike but motorbikes were extremely fashionable back then so if he had the money for it, why wouldn't he have one? That's as fanon as anyone saying he'd listen to Taylor swift or other modern pop artists, why does it matter?
Sirius is a massive Taylor swift fan—*GUNSHOTS, INCOMING TRAIN SOUND, INCOMING CAR, THE CEILING FALLING ON YOU*
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gravegoer · 2 months ago
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Hello, how about a part 2 of being Sevika's boss maybe when they got together or something like that thankyouuu and i love all of your ficss thank you making them hehe
Sevika's Boss ꩜ part 2
hi anon, sevikas boss fanfic got a lot of love a while ago so im happy to write part 2 !! let me know if you enjoyed i threw in some misunderstandings for fun here..maybe kind of angst?? its okay tho you make up very quickly PART 1 , masterlist
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You and Sevika hung around eachother a lot, I mean that was normal right? She is your second in command afterall.
Personally, you didn't see a problem with it, and nor did Sevika.
She had grown accustomed to your presence and didn't mind all your small, loving touches and annoying jokes.
And yes, sometimes she went a little overboard for you, like what kind of subordinate stays at their bosses house to tend to them whilst they are injured? Or goes out for drinks every weekend? But maybe your relationship was starting to exceed the bounds of boss and employee.
She has definitely warmed up to you more than she did with Silco. She thinks it was your charming personality, or cute outfits, your smile...
Some people might say you sitting in Sevikas lap while you fixed up her arm might be indecency in the workplace, but you found it to be a simple and innocent task.
But this begs the question, what exactly is your relationship?
This is also a question Jinx was starting to ask herself.
"So uh...whats with you and Sevika?" Jinx asked in an almost singsongy voice.
She flipped her gun around in her hand haphazardly while she was sprawled out on your (Silcos) desk.
"What do you mean whats with us..?" You shook your head, mimicking her movements with your pen.
"I meaaan, you guys act like a married couple or something!" She threw her two hands in the air with a 'duh' kind of look plastered on her face.
You pushed one of her braids to the side to pull out a paper from under it. One of Sevikas reports from a recent trip. Her handwriting was an imperfect cursive. Sighing, you put your face in your hand while you held the paper, staring at it diligently.
Jinx looked at you quizically at your lack of an answer. She sharply pushes the paper down with the tip of her gun, "Hey, are you— Oh," She let out a nasally laugh at the paper, "Damn, you got it bad, huh, toots?"
"What? I have what bad?" You slid the paper away and tilted your head at her.
The blue-haired girl sat up and rested a spindly arm on her knee, "You're so in L word with her." She snickered at you.
"Im in—" Your face flushed at your realization. "I am not in 'L word' with her." You raised your hands to do finger quotes around 'L word.'
"Hmmmm, are you sure?" She teased, putting her gun to her chin and looking up in mock thought "I mean, you practically cling to her, you always walk home with her, and plus you talk about her all the time– hell! You talk to her all the time."
You stared at Jinx, now zoning out in thought. What were you supposed to tell Sevika? Does Sevika even think the same way about you? Would that relationship even be appropriate?
"You know what?" You stood up and pointed in Jinx' face, "Im going to do it—"
She attempted to cut you off with a meek,
"Sevikas—"
"Im going to tell her I love her," You continued, Jinx' half attempt to save your ass fell on deaf ears.
You looked up, finger still in the girls face to make eye contact with a very familiar set of grey eyes. Fuck.
Sevikas gaze faltered, and she cleared her throat, bringing a fist to her mouth, "Um. I came to ask you if you wanted to grab a drink, but it seems like you have better plans."
Holy shit. She didn't know it was about her. Is that good or bad? You only felt a few seconds of relief before Sevika just turned around and walked out. That was bad.
Jinx whistled, still under the pressure of your pointing finger, "You have some explaining to do."
You fumbled over your words before pushing Jinx' forehead back with your finger. "Ughh.. This is your fault."
You drooped back down into the large chair, putting your head in your hand and heaving a sigh.
"Just go tell her while you still have a chance. She's probably going to be moping around the Last Drop," Jinx got up from her spot on the desk, and some papers fell with her.
"That's my queue to leave, though," She hopped out of the office with a little too much energy, probably on her way to cause more mischief.
You sighed and packed up your stuff, picking up stray papers and shoving them into a random drawer on your desk.
Grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder, you pushed open the double doors to your office. It was time to go to the last drop.
poor sevika
Your entrance was signified with the ding of a bell atop the door. Music was playing loudly, and people were swarmed around the bar. Your eyes scanned the nearest areas for Sevika, but as you figures she was nowhere in sight.
She was most definitely in her usual gambling spot. You didn't want to approach her while she was in the middle of a game, so you waited at a nearby table, making sure to stay out of her sight.
You could hear the groans of the men at her table, most definitely losing. Chuckling at this, you watched as a waiter came up to your table asking for your order.
You just asked for a simple whiskey sour, hanging your bag on the back of your chair.
Several minutes (and a few drinks later), you felt someone's eyes on the back of your head. Turning around, you, once again, were met with steely grey eyes. Sevika stood near behind you with her arms crossed. The game had finished.
"You get rejected or something." She deadpanned.
"No—well.. not yet." You turned around in your chair to face her, the metal back of the chair was now settled between your legs.
You held what you thought was your sixth whiskey sour in between your fingers, chin resting on the top of the chair back.
She scoffed at this, turning her head to avoid eye contact. You could have sworn a small blush coated her cheeks. But her frown made you think otherwise, her large forearms tensed before she spoke.
"Oh, so you're waiting for her here."
How cruel of you to profess your love to someone in the place you knew Sevika would be. You probably wanted her to see it, right?
"Yeah, shes already here." You said, still staring at her side profile, tracing the scar on her cheek with your eyes.
The neon lights illuminated her face and brought out every curve and angle. But your thoughts were interrupted by her stern and almost angry voice.
"I should leave then," she started to walk away, but you reached out quickly.
(I dont know why you would do that when she wasn't even in arms length to begin with.) You started to fall forward, you let out a small yelp and held onto the chair, your drink falling onto the ground. You awaited impact, but it never came.
Instead, you were met with strong arms holding the back of your chair up. Sevika was bent over slightly, both mechanical arm and human arm on the metal of the chair. And for the third time, you made eye contact with now very close grey eyes. Her eyebrows were furrowed in shock or frustration- you couldn't tell.
Without another thought, you grabbed her by the collar and pulled her lips into yours. At first, she tried to pull away but eventually melted into the heat of the kiss. She sat your chair back up on four legs, and her elbows lean on the top of the chair, encircling you.
Almost as soon and she relented she pulled away, "What the hell are you doing," She rasped, wiping her mouth with the back of a large hand.
Her lips were still puffy from the kiss, but almost more downturned than before. When you didn't respond she offered a question, "Are you drunk?"
Your lopsided grin told her all she needed to know. She knew she needed to take you home, but she was going to do so reluctantly. Afterall you were going to become someone else's girl, couldn't have her hands all over you like she usually did.
She grabbed you (almost roughly) by the arms and pulled you out of the chair, "How are you going to profess your love now?" She scoffed.
"I just did, was that not enough?" Your words were slurred and you helped her by stepping up with heavy legs.
She furrowed her brows until she came to a not-so-shocking realization. Cursing under her breath she smirked at you. You could almost see the relief wash over her face.
Her thick arm held you by your upper torso as she almost carried you to the doors. She sighed at your stupidness, why not just tell her right away, then you wouldn't have to have gone through all the trouble.
She eyed your glossed over eyes, shaking her head at the dumb smirk that held its place on your face. She could feel the quiver of your body against the cold night wind.
At that she lifted you into her arms, covering you with her cloak. You looked up at her with wide eyes, burying your face in the material. God she wanted to kiss you so bad. But she'd save that for the awkward talk in the morning.
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thank you for reading ! yes i see your asks all your fics are on the way I swear !!!! much love
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sleepymarimo · 1 year ago
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𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥!
read cw! summary: how the straw hat pirates treat you, a free use member of the crew pairing: straw hat crew x afab!reader, appropriate characters only ofc! cw: mdni, free use, multiple partners, vaginal sex, oral (m! and f! recieving), creampies, fingering, handjobs, groping, sex machines, voyeurism, exhibitionism, mutual masturbation, bondage an: this shit rated... porn. yes im sorry this is posted so late pls forgive me guys i love y'all wc: 2.8k+ for kinktober '23!
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𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐘, as hyper and excitable as he is, doesn't fuck you as often as you thought he would. no, the captain can't say that he's particularly interested in sex.
however, what he loves to do, nearly everyday, is grope you. his hands always scramble to squeeze at your tits or ass, your tummy or thighs, and he'll do it at almost any time of day. when it came to this whole arrangement between you and the crew, he appeared to be the most shameless.
his rubber limbs seemed to sneak up on you at the most random times of day, his head poking out from around a corner and giving you a cheeky smile.
when he does use you for more than a grope or touch, it's always fun- a mutual experience that, more often than not, leaves you both laughing.
is willing to share! if he sees you busy with someone else, he'll interrupt without thought, be it with a smack to your ass or squeeze of your breasts
sometimes he'll let you wear the hat, usually if he's in a particularly good mood
sweet, fun and spontaneous. doesn't really mark you up, intentionally anyway, nor is he ever too rough. he'll make jokes, stretch in odd ways and makes sure you always have a smile on your face
an unintentional exhibitionist. he'll grope and fuck you anywhere, thinking it's funny watching people catch you. he's been yelled at by nami for it, though
finishes everywhere and anywhere, usually getting too caught up in the moment to really care. he's messy, not thinking twice about cumming on your face, in your mouth or on your breasts
likes overstimulating you, pushing you to your limits for the sake of fun
foreplay is not the best. sometimes he just gets too excited and uses his saliva to prep you. aftercare is a lot better! he'll get cuddly and bring snacks, becoming quite clingy with you
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at first, 𝐙𝐎𝐑𝐎 doesn't really take advantage of the free use arrangement. he's rather indifferent about it, perhaps not seeing the appeal.
that all changes after a battle that was much too close, his adrenaline running high. he throws you over his shoulder, harshly tossing you onto the bed and working to get his clothes off while growling at you to get on all fours.
he briefly remembers overhearing you talk to the girls about your times with sanji, and he makes it a mission to outdo the cook in any way he can.
you never know when he'll strike, but when you're standing on the deck and suddenly feel goosebumps rising on your skin, you know just to bend over
acknowledges that you're up for free use, but he's selfish. if he gets the urge and you happen to be with someone else, he'll most likely huff out an 'oi, move over' and get to it. usually though, he prefers to have you to himself, with your attention only on him
after a session with zoro, you'll likely be leaving with bites and bruises. he knows sanji's 'schedule' with you and intentionally fucks you beforehand, wanting to piss off the cook by leaving marks on you
had to be educated on foreplay! the others got mad at him when he put you out of commission for a few days, since he didn't prep you enough. could also use some work with aftercare, since he usually falls asleep
more than okay with taking advantage of the agreement in the sense that he allows himself to be a little bossy, as if it were a transaction (which it kind of is...)
lots of orders and quick commands. a deal is a deal, and he doesn't really build some sort of special attachment with you (like a certain cook will)
finishes in you or on your ass without fail. is pretty smug about it, mostly because he knows that the cook is going to be licking it up from you later
difficult to predict when he'll need you. could be a few times a day or twice a week or once a month. more likely to engage if he's drunk, just had a battle or if he knows sanji is near
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𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 has a pretty regular schedule when it comes to using you. with what she has to deal with on the ship, she wants nothing more than to plop onto bed, spread her legs and have you eat her out.
she doesn't hesitate to give you orders, somehow doing it in a way that's so sweet that you forget she's simply using you to get off. like luffy, shes also pretty big on groping, or at least, more than you'd expect.
a lot of 'innocent' touches. soft and curious pokes to your ass as you walk by. maybe a squeeze of your tits while the two of you hugged.
she's a touchy woman, up for cuddling and keeping you in the girl's cabin. nami knows the effect she has on you, using it to her advantage. when her cunning hands, she'll feel you up and give you compliments in that sultry tone of hers- the one she uses to get what she wants.
not a fan of sharing, especially with the guys. she is, however, more than willing to share with robin. with the three of you in the girl's quarters, things get pretty intense
very much a tease! she gets you worked up with the lightest of touches until you're begging her for more. nami makes you work for it
the navigator doesn't mind getting messy. she'll finger you, coax you into sucking them dry, then do it all over again. she likes spreading your wetness around, making a point to tease you about how excited you are
'better than all those dirty boys, right?'
head pusher and hair puller. when you're giving her oral, she isn't shy about letting you know what she wants
she likes being treated like a queen, obviously. nami feels high and mighty when you eat her out two or three times in a row, but when she sees how desperate you are for release, she starts coddling you and is quick to return the favor
is the first one to make you squirt, putting the guys to shame
nami is a busy woman. she mostly has you eat her out when she's stressed during the day, cuddles for a bit, then gets back to it. better with foreplay than she is with aftercare, but its fantastic all around
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always seeming to hesitate would be 𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐏𝐏, who thinks that for some reason, you'll say no to his advances. even after weeks of the arrangement being in place, he'll always ask if what he does is okay.
he’s so so sweet! he touches you like it’s the first time, every time. the sniper is prone to getting heavy bouts of confidence though! with shaky breaths, he’d ask you if he made you feel better than your captain. hell, he loves it when you call him captain.
when he does find it in him to be brave, he always manages to surprise you. he creates all sorts of contraptions, with sex being lighthearted and fun as you go through his projects together.
loves to restrain you, to feel like he has control of you. you help him grow more comfortable and confident, which he appreciates. plus, he gets to let out that pervy side of him that he usually tucks away.
reluctant to share, mostly because he doesn't want to be outdone. however, he and luffy sometimes team up to give you quite the fun experience. lots of jokes and just a hint of playful competitiveness, all of which leave you nothing short of satiated
uses you on a weekly basis, but cozies up to you nearly everyday. he makes jokes about what he has in store for you, making promises of pleasure that leave your stomach in knots
an unintentional marker. might spank you too hard or leave a bruise, which makes him wheeze in embarrassment before he feels a swell of pride. a sort of 'i did that?!' to 'oh… i did that'
ties you up in all sorts of ways
he really does get off on your whines and moans. likes when you're loud
loves when you give him head. the control he has, combined with your sole focus on him, drives him crazy
the sound of you gagging on his cock turns him on more than he'd ever admit. he'll get a confidence burst and start to be more rough
loves finishing down your throat. he feels so confident and cocky, but as soon as he cums he's nervously asking if you're okay
good with foreplay and even better with aftercare… worries about your well-being and shows his gratitude toward you and your willingness to participate. tells you stories after you're all done, lulling you to sleep
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when the arrangement was finalized, 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈 was one of the first to take advantage of it. nearly every day he indulges in the sweetness you offer. eating you out is a must! even though sanji is aware that this is just an agreement of sorts, it doesn't stop him from growing a little more attached to you.
sex with him is all encompassing and intense in the softest way possible. he does a good job of making you feel prioritized and wanted, beyond the scope of the free use deal. he's more attentive to your desires and how you want to get fucked on any given day.
truthfully, he's just happy to be able to serve you. funny enough, he tries to be respectful when it comes to groping you around the ship or in public. while luffy might be shameless in how he touches you, sanji does not want to make you uncomfortable or taint the 'lady-like' image he has of you.
he sees you as a meal which must be savored, after all.
sanji prefers more intimate sex, even if it's just an agreement. for this reason, he's not huge on sharing.
sometimes though, while he's getting hot and heavy with you, zoro will just barge in and remind the cook that you're free use, before just… joining
gets pissed off when he spreads your legs and sees zoro's cum leaking out of you. it doesn't stop him from lapping up each drop though, since nothing could keep him from that pussy of yours
sanji uses you on the daily. the cook's appetite is insatiable, but he always makes sure to prioritize your comfort and pleasure
such a sweet talker, swirling his tongue over your clit and insisting that you're the most precious person on the ship
likes leaving subtle marks on your body, on more intimate areas that you'll forget about until you're alone.
the spot below your ear, the insides of your thighs, the delicate skin of your wrist… he thinks that smaller bites and marks have their own charm. big ol' bruises on your collarbone or neck just seem so brutish!
finishes wherever you want him to. there are moments where he'll beg to cum inside your cunt, though. you gladly let him do so.
aftercare king. any food you want is yours. he'll draw a bath for you and eat you out one last time for good measure. gets irritated when he sees the others being too rough with you
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miss 𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 is a force to be reckoned with. it takes her a few days before she has her first session with you, not because she was hesitant, but because she was waiting. watching.
she can play the long game, reading your cues and how you behave after having sex with other members of the crew. once she's sure she can break you down, she takes you. sex with robin is always a dizzying experience, almost unreal. between the many hands caressing you all over, and that cat-like gaze of hers, it's hard not to lose yourself.
very much a dominant lover, though whether she's soft or mean depends on her mood. regardless, she takes pleasure in watching you writhe and come undone.
it's a power play, a control she isn't fond of relinquishing.
only shares you with nami, franky and occasionally jinbei (if he's up for it), mostly because they can read the mood and follow her lead
weekly user, perhaps thrice a week if she's feeling up for it. most of the time, she's content to get you worked up for her and her only.
you can try to run off to someone else, but she knows she brings a certain element to the bedroom that no one can match
robin is slow and steady, curling her fingers just right and pulling away when you're about to burst. she's the second member to get you to squirt
she's nice to you in the meanest way possible. a lot of 'my, you're quite excited today' and 'such a sweet little thing'
hands on you and your most sensitive areas at all times. rubbing your clit, twisting your nipples and stroking every inch of skin. it's a full body experience.
does not particularly care for marking you up, physically at least. she leaves her own prints on you, something more soul-binding that goes beyond bruises and bitemarks that are bound to fade
takes care of you well before and after sex. she doesn't really indulge in quickies, only having sex when she knows the two of you will have an extended period of time to really enjoy it
on a more serious note, robin is also the one to explain to chopper what is going on between you and the crew. it does seem odd to the little reindeer, but he makes sure to be ready with contraceptives or pelvic exams when you need them.
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𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐘 always has something special whipped up for you. within the first few days of you agreeing to this free use agreement, he indulged in you.
his dirty mind runs free with you and he doesn't hesitate to try out some new toys. thrusting sex machines and vibrating saddles… he has so many prototypes that he loves watching you squirm on.
he's also been able to give himself…upgrades that make things even more interesting. his favorite would be his detachable dick. he'll attach it to machines, watching and feeling as it effortlessly works into you.
he's not shy about such matters, not at all. sex with him is fun and he does a wonderful job of making you feel high-spirited and confident. your enthusiasm feeds into his pervy side.
down to share with anyone, honestly. this cyborg is up for most anything, given that you are, too
has you on the daily, but you never know when. sometimes it's in the morning, other times while you're getting ready for bed. if he's just restocked his cola though, you can expect a round or two
gives you his detachable dick and lets you use it as a dildo, so he can feel your cunt around him even when he's working in the shop
he eats you out and makes it messy. he spits and slurps as if your cunt was cola-flavored
likes getting head the same way. the sight of you with drool lining your lips and chin, mouth stuffed with his dick... he might let out an 'ow!' right then and there
doesn't mark you up intentionally. he just does his thing and makes sure you feel good. if he happens to leave some marks, he doesn't think too much of it
gets a little pissed off when zoro or luffy mark you up too much. he thinks they don't have to be that rough...
enjoys cumming on your chest and breasts. he's a simple man with simple pleasures
big on foreplay, but could work on his aftercare. he likes getting you worked up, likes to see you eager, but afterwards he's just so out of it. usually falls asleep and maybe hooks an arm around you
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resident pervert 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊 does not hesitate. once the agreement was set into motion, your panties were quick to be snatched up.
the skeleton is a voyeur, preferring to watch as opposed to actively participating. even when you know he's spying on you, you pretend not to notice. whether it's you masturbating or having sex with another member of the crew, you can bet that he's peeping in.
brook is also very much into groping, never missing the opportunity to squeeze your plump flesh when you walk by.
truthfully, he just revels in being a pervert, especially when he knows there aren't any consequences.
up for sharing in the sense that he likes to watch. some members are more okay with it than others
he's scared the living daylights out of usopp, has been threatened by zoro and gotten encouragement from franky. he just laughs though, finding a thrill in getting caught
his eye (sockets?) are on you pretty frequently. at the end of everyday, he'll ask for your panties and pockets them with gusto
it's common for brook to ask for your panties after you're done having sex with someone else. he just thinks it's so naughty!
he'll walk by you and ask you to flash him, losing his mind every time you lift your shirt and show him your breasts
his groping is never hard enough to leave marks. he likes the squishy skin, since he's all bone, so he just has a hand on you and absentmindedly squeezes your breasts like you're a walking stress ball
like he always asks for your panties, he always asks for permission to touch and grope you
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one of the most respectful would be 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐄𝐈. it takes him a while to settle into the whole arrangement. a part of him did see it as taboo, especially considering that he's a fishman.
however, he realizes that what he asks of you doesn't have to be inherently sexual. that's why, jinbei enjoys having you do mundane tasks for him, all while completely nude. his eyes are never lewd or hungry, but thoughtful as he watches you fold his clothes or make his bunk.
ever the respectful man, he doesn't want to leer at you as if you were an object. things build slowly and intimately between the two of you.
it starts as you wandering around without clothes, then it's mutual masturbation, then eventually he's fucking you.
this fishman prefers to have you to himself. he wants sex to happen in a comfortable atmosphere. it's a calming, almost therapeutic environment that he prefers to navigate you through, without the presence of others
would not mind if robin joined in, seeing as she's mature and would enjoy the vibes
he prefers not to have sex when he knows he's in a bad mood. he doesn't want to let such trivial, emotional matters guide him, but sometimes it's not avoidable, so…
marks come in the form of spanks, red patches on your ass that he's quick to soothe with a rough palm. it's a way for him to get his anger and frustration out, though the next day, once he's calmed down, he's quick to apologize
cumming inside you seems so taboo that he finds himself doing it more than he should. it's a guilty pleasure that he denies himself less and less as time goes on
sex is weekly, sometimes less. he has a fairly good handle on himself and makes it a point not to lose himself in pure lust.
he also very much takes into consideration that you're busy with others, so he doesn't want to overwhelm you
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once this little arrangement is finalized, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 never worry about being alone or untended to. they know better than to leave their little free use doll unsatisfied.
when you're sick or unwell, it's everyone's problem. though you're the one being used, you're so protected and well cared for, like their secret treasure.
even if some don't explicitly express their gratitude, anyone can acknowledge that this agreement takes a toll on you in one way or another.
luffy lends you his hat, zoro shares his sake, nami loans you money, usopp makes you trinkets, sanji lets you get first pick on dessert, robin teaches you how to read poneglyphs, franky designs machines for you, brook plays you special tunes and jinbei lets you ride on all the whale sharks you want.
overall, it's a pretty sweet deal!
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taglist: @queen-of-elves, @who-the-hockeysticks, @sxhy-town, @flower-hua, @iwannachokeontojifushiguroscock (thank y'all for being patient 🫶)
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