#you'd think i'd have a handle on feeling down by now but NOPE

[maddiemuu]

i cannot tell if i'm really tired today or feeling depressed. sort of leaning towards the latter. why.

[yowyowyaoi]

Hidan's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Konan

Why would it gross you out? You basically deal with blood for a living!

Flattery might get you a hug but it won't get you out of your share of the food bill.

In all seriousness that's ridiculous.

Just pretend he’s Kakuzu. Problem solved.

You guys need to keep it down. I need my beauty sleep!

Sasori has a variety of things he could give you to ease the pain. But be warned he’ll likely give you a three hour lecture on “proper dental hygiene”.

I'm sure he just meant it as a joke. No need to eviscerate him.

I need that like I need a hole in my head.

Love is not about looks, it's about feelings and personality. He's the kindest, most gentle man I've ever known in my life.

If you're that curious, just transform into one and feel them yourself!

He doesn't take betrayal very well. I'd strongly reconsider if I were you.

Being immortal is a hell of a thing to have in common, isn't it?

I wish you and Dei would leave him be. Just because he *chooses* not to fight back doesn't mean he can't, or won't at some point. And I think that will be a scary day for the two of you.

Ladies don't curse but if you heard even half of what I was thinking it'd blow your mind, Hidan.

From Itachi

Looks mean very little to me.

If you're that interested in seeing them, then just ask him to pull down his pants for you the next time you see him. See what he says.

A compliment coming from you sounds very, very odd.

I would not just leave something like that to chance and never, ever to the two of you.

We're close. That's all you need to know.

I'll admit, the honey and ants in my bed was a clever, if sadistic, touch.

You've got ten minutes to return it to my door or I promise your eternity will be one long inescapable nightmare.

No.

The last time I went with you guys you ate $1000 worth of food and then tried to stick me with the bill!

If you'd just admit it I'd be willing to go easy on you.

Of course he's an attractive man but I couldn't deal with that personality on a daily basis.

In that way I'm better than you, aren't I? You clearly fear death. I don't.

If my opinion counts for anything: hold on to Kakuzu. I don't believe there's a single other soul in this universe that would care for you the way he does.

I suppose not all the time. He does brush my hair out for me a lot. Very gentle.

From Tobi

If it isn't something that could work, why would it be the plot to SO MANY homoerotic stories??

You left it sitting there for three days! If I didn't eat it, it would have spoiled!

Just woke up not in the mood for your shit rn

If he thinks you're like a brother than one day me and you can be in-laws!

You didn't even spell "delusional" right.

Are you the one who left the jar of crickets on my bed?

Actually your hair would probably look good longer.

You're not going to lecture ME on something like that!

I think of him like a little cousin. So STOP messing with him!

If you think Kakuzu looks "sexy" without his mask you couldn't handle ME, man.

Come with us, the water should be fine by now.

The Hidden Leaf? Nope. Never heard of it.

Sharingan?? LOL

Be warned, Hidan. I'm not as stupid as you think I am.

Do YOU want to see my FIST? Okay then.

So is "Jashin" just looking the other way while you love Kakuzu, then?

From Nagato

I think of you all as my children. Some more problematic than others.

Yes it works! And even if it didn't, she wouldn't leave me!

I almost teamed you up with Deidara but I don't think I could have afforded that sort of damage.

Ultimately that would be Kakuzu's decision.

Tell your God to meet up with me and we'll see who's more "real", brat.

What. Did. You. DO?!

If I hear that you "accidentally" walked in while she was changing again, you'll wish to the heavens that you WERE able to die.

Yes but a mostly vegetarian diet is easier for my body to handle.

I did not form these teams with the intention of being a matchmaker.

I wish you would put as much effort and planning into your missions as you do to harassing your fellow Akatsuki teammates.

From Deidara

Yes I blew him up but I didn't rob him. Standards, man.

Me and Kisame going fishing, you in?

Come see me we gotta get our stories straight before Leader questions us.

He stepped on a beehive. Spent all day pulling stingers from his arms and legs. STILL wouldn't take off his mask.

I knoooooow. God you sound like Sasori.

I did but I don't think they can prove that it was me ...

You can't just sculp some little mouse and then call yourself an artist! It doesn't work like that!

I think the chicken was bad I can't stop puking and my ass is literally on fire!

If you won't listen to me talk about my REAL art, what makes you think I'm gonna listen to you talk about your FAKE God??

Me and you and Itachi. Yes he'll go if we drag him out.

Yeah but she's sooooooo pretty how can I help it?!

Why are you bragging? That just means you'll be old and ugly before me!

Honestly I just bring him a body and some tools and he stays distracted for like a week. Lets me do whatever without even questioning it lmao

He likes to carry me. Don't ask questions, I just enjoy not having to walk for a few hours.

I really, REALLY don't need to know what "gets you off". Pervert.

From Kisame

I have no idea how to answer something like that.

I don't know what's going on with you and Kakuzu but please stop "accidentally" sending me pics like that or I'm blocking you.

I'd die for him but all I really want is for him to live for me.

I think we're the only two who like it ultra-rare and dripping blood. Well, maybe Zetsu.

Yeah I have my suspicions as well but it's like that thing is glued to his face or something. Deidara is the only one who could get close enough to him to try it but he seems scared for some reason.

You can join us but no screaming in the water this time or you'll scare them all off.

I've got at least 11 years up on you so yes, you ARE a brat to me.

I don't think there are any decent shortcuts, we just have to walk straight through. Ask Kakuzu to lend you his tall boots.

There's doing our job and then there's crossing the line. Guess which one you did.

Yes it's warm but that doesn't mean we wish to see you sitting out there in the nude.

Itachi's not feeling well so I need a replacement weight for my other arm. Deidara is already helping, now I need you too.

In the old days they used leeches as a cure for everything. A few aren't gonna kill ya, kid. Don't be a baby.

He's literally perfect. And he's MINE. So onsen or not the next time I catch you looking like that I'll snatch your eyes out and eat them like grapes :)

From Sasori

Come see me before the infection spreads.

Mint, rosemary, and a tiny bit of thyme.

Unless you’re looking to get bent over, brat, how it works is none of your goddamned business.

You would likely be a terrible one.

No, he’s it for me. I’ll either marry him or kill him, haven’t decided yet.

I can imitate eating to fool enemies but the food will just stay in my throat until I manually remove it.

You kill humans nearly every day, you can handle a spider.

It would break my metaphorical heart.

I’m not “betting” you anything. I KNOW it won’t kill you. But the poison is both expensive and time-consuming to make and I’m not wasting it on you.

18 and 34.

Leave the ones that I’ve marked alone. They’re perfect specimens and I won’t have you ruin them with that heathen ritual of yours.

Yes but I’m slowly coming to accept that sexuality is a spectrum and nothing is black or white.

You and Tobi will be coming with. Pack extra food and warm clothes. No whining that you’re hungry or cold later on.

It won’t be as amusing when I nail your skull to the wall.

From Zetsu

He tasted so good. My many thanks.

I haven’t any idea why the others seem so perturbed by it, considering their *own* “atrocities".

Too loud. Sensitive ears.

Aren't you having relations with him? Surely you could convince him.

Unfortunately we need them alive and well, so please, none of your antics.

Couldn't hurt. But I doubt it would help, either.

Out of everyone here, you and your blood-scented skin smell the best.

I'm beginning to think your obsession with penises is more than a passing curiosity and an indication for serious concern.

Deidara is correct, everything is ephemeral. This world is temporary.

I wouldn't know the first thing about manipulating anyone. I'm just a plant.

From Kakuzu

Try me and see. I DARE you, brat.

Either help me or stay home and shut up about it.

You stimulate me, but not in all good ways.

If I wasn't "obsessed with money" this entire organization would be nothing, we'd be homeless and everyone would be starving.

Just wait until I get you alone.

Next time I suggest you think before you act.

Deidara will face Sasori but YOU will have to deal with ME. Consider that.

It's your turn to pay for dinner. I could go for either seafood or steak.

Call it gay if you wish but you won't change my mind.

I'm not sure if your body could handle multiple hearts, immortal or not.

Endurance training. My room. Ten minutes. Hydrate yourself beforehand.

You're going to eat something green if I have to pry open your mouth and shove it down your throat.

Because I CARE, asshole.

Why should I have to fight them off because you can't keep your hands to yourself??

I happen to like Itachi so watch your manners, if any exist.

Can't "believe" in someone I've never met. Which is why I don't understand why YOU do.

If I ever went, I'm taking you out with me. "'Til death" is inaccurate.

Sure, sure. While you're at it pray for money to drop out of the sky and into my lap.

Handcuffs aren't doing it for me anymore. Bring some rope and maybe some honey this time.

Get back here and clean this shit up before I come kill you.

Love you. <3. Delete this text immediately.

[more-cardigan-than-woman]

Brother & Bestie: The Roy Problem

Summary: Still keeping a secret from your bestie your new fuck buddie tries to solve the problem.

1.9k

Dick Grayson x Reader

Warnings: SMUT 18+, edging, fingering, piv, blackmail.

The First Time

"Dick, you still haven't told me what you're going to do about Roy. What if he tells Jay? We're fucked," you start to pace around your kitchen, "we'll I'm fucked. Not like he's going to kill his brother." You sigh, planting your head on the kitchen counter.

"I'm handling it. Don't stress yourself over it," he leans down, kissing into your hair, "it'll be fine," his hands wrap around your middle pulling you up to hug you from behind, "I gotta go. Stay here and try not to spiral okay."

"I'll try, but I make zero promises."

"Good girl," he steps towards the door checking his phone, but just as he's about to leave he turns to face you, "and Pet, if he was to find out from Roy. I'd be in way more trouble than you." He shuts the door leaving you to reel in that statement until he gets back.

Xx

"Mr Harper, take a seat." Dick smirks at the younger man.

"What is this Grayson? You trying to intimidate me?" Roy tries to sound confident, but it comes across as the opposite.

"Nope, just wanted to talk."

"About what?"

"Exactly. Nothing. I just wanted to show you something." He opens his laptop, a file sitting on it labeled Harper's Harpies. "Thought you might want to see this."

"What is this? Blackmail? Didn’t think you’d sink this low."

"No, I just wanted to remind you that you did things that maybe you weren't proud of and that maybe you'd like Little Wing not to know about."

"You're not proud of her? Should be, you know Jay told me about the talk you guys had."

"Which talk was that?"

"When he asked you not to fuck her. To keep that fuckboy dick of yours in your pants. Don't know why he hasn't noticed yet, how long has it been going on?"

"None of your business."

"So you are fucking her."

"Look Roy," he leans down on the table, "I don't care if Jay knows. But she does, so I am asking you not to tell him." He changes tactics, knowing how the outlaws feel about you, "I know you guys have your banter, but you wouldn't do this to her would you?"

"Using her to save your skin? Not very classy Grayson."

"Blackmail didn't work, so yeah. She is though, she thinks he'll kill her."

"Kill you more like."

"You think I don't know that?” he runs his hands through his dark hair, “Please just keep it to yourself."

"Do you love her?"

"What a question." He sits down, resting his head in his hands. Dick sighs, does he love you? He could, he sees it when he goes to sleep at night. But what is this to you? He doesn't know.

"You're scared, I get it." Roy stands, "We’ve been friends a while and I love you, man. I won’t tell him, but you should. Keeping this going in secret isn’t good for anyone. Just promise me you’ll delete this and think long and hard about what you’re going to do and we're even."

"Didn’t think you cared about Jay seeing it?”

“I don’t, but I still don’t want it floating around.”

“Thank you." Dick clicks delete on the file, then looks up from his hands to see the pitying look on Roy's face as he opens the front door.

"I’m not doing it for you.” he pauses one foot already out of the door, “And Grayson,"

"Yeah."

"If you hurt her, even slightly as badly as Asami did. You will get twice the punishment," He slams the door and leaves Dick to dwell on his feelings.

Xx

"What happened? What did he say? Is he going to tell him?" You swarm Dick with questions as he comes through your  door.

"Told ya I'd sort it, but Pet-" he's cut off when you jump into his arms, yours wrapping around his neck as your legs hold you close to him.

"Thank you, thank you," you liter his face with kisses. His hands sink into your ass grinding you down onto his cock.

"We should talk, I need to"

"Later, please. Please Dick."

"Okay Pet, later." His fingers slip under your dress, pulling your panties to the side, "you need me now don't you?"

"Yes, right now." 

"So needy for me," he pushes your back into the wall, his fingers flicking through your pussy stopping to rub at your clit, "so desperate for my touch," his face pushes into your neck, licking and sucking at the soft flesh, "my pretty little pet. You've been such a good girl for me. You deserve a reward."

"Please," your nails dig into his back, gripping his shirt and pulling it over his head, "want to feel your skin."

"Hmm, smart girl. Clean these for me." He shoves his fingers in your mouth and when he's satisfied he pulls your dress up over your head, "no bra, Pet? Fuck, you really are perfect," his lips seal around your nipple while your hands fiddle with the button on his jeans, "there's no rush, let me take my time with you. I'll make you feel so good." His fingers thrust back into you, his teeth biting down on your nipple while his tongue flicks over it.

"Yes, fuck." You dress down onto him, your tit pressing out into his face. You can feel your release edging closer, your pussy clenching on his fingers while your tits tingle in his mouth.

"Can feel you getting close Pet," he mumbles his kisses moving up your body, "don't you cum."

"But you said you-"

"I promise to make you feel good. Trust me," his voice now in your ear, "do you trust me?"

"Really? Aladdin? Right now?"

"Stopped you from cumming didn't I?"

"Yes. You dick."

Grayson laughs, pulling his fingers from you and starting to walk down the hall towards your bedroom.

He drops you on the bed and drops his pants almost as fast. "Bring that pretty pussy to me, Pet." His fingers dig into your thighs, pulling you down to the edge of the bed. His face is buried in your pussy as he starts to lick you up. 

"Fuck, give a girl a chance."

"No Pet. No chance," he smiles into your pussy before slowing down, his lips pressing their way into your inner thigh, "do you want me to stop?"

"No, don't stop."

"And your safewords?"

"Lance Tucker." You start to thrust up into his face.

"Good Pet," his tongue licks at you, laps at you, his fingers slipping inside you, "I know your body so well, Pet." His fingers split, spreading you open, and holding your cunt apart, "better than even you."

"Di- fuuc- I. AHhh." 

"Like that noise means you're going to cum soon."

Your hands fist the sheets your heels digging into nothing as you try and find leverage go push your pussy further into dicks face, "dick, more, I need-"

"I know exactly what you need, Pet," he mumbles into you, "you need to hold it."

"Yes, I can-"

"I want you to want it" he starts to suck on your clit and when your pussy starts to pulse around him he stops, "I want you to want me."

"I do."

"Do you want me or do you just wanna cum?" His breath grazes over you, his finger just toying with you, "be honest."

"I want you to make me cum." you pant, squirming in the sheets as he climbs over you, crowding you into the mattress.

"That's a great answer, Pet. Because why?"

"Noone can make me cum like you can."

"Fucking right." Dick hoists your legs up over his shoulders,  bending you in half as he kisses you deeply, "and Pet." His cock parts you, teasing you so bad it makes you shiver.

"Dick," you grab at his face, pulling his down down a deep kiss.

"Noone takes my cock as well as you." He shoves himself inside you grinding his pelvis down onto yours, his cock making you feel so full and fuck, you're so close already.

"Dick, if you don't stop that i-"

"I know, Pet. I can feel it." 

"Fufk, can you, stop."

"No, I want it all." He grinds down harder, "all your cum," his nails dig into your thighs, his lips stealing another kiss, "it's mine Pet." You feel his cock throb inside you, "give it to me," he bites down on your lip, growling into your mouth, "give all of yourself to me."

"Ah, fukdk dick, I hwhs-" you moan a jumble of words that gets lost as your brain starts to melt and your legs start to chase. You can feel your pussy sucking dicks cock in, feel it hitting ao deep inside you and when he bites you again you lose your mind as you shatter underneath him.

He doesn't stop, instead changing movement to slam his hips into you. "Fuck, you take it so well," he drops your legs wrapping them around his hips, "draw me in, Pet." His hand holds your face, "look at me," you try but your eyes are so close to just rolling away to space, "stay here," he kisses you as if to keep your mind on this plane, "stay with me, Pet. Don't float away on me."

"I'm here," you flutter your lashes, trying to focus on those pretty blue eyes staring down onto you.

"Good girl, stay with me," he continues to pound into you, fucking you so full. But you keep your eyes on him and fuck if his smiles doesn't make this harder, make you want to cum harder, make you want to take him every moment of every day, "you’re doing so well for me, Pet."

Your hands grip at his shoulders as your back starts to lift from the mattress and he hits so deep within you. His cock throbs inside you, his Pacing becoming erratic as he changes his release inside you. It's so fucking hot the way he uses you like this, like you're his own little fuck toy, "Dick, I'm getting close again."

"Just let it out," he moans, "let all of it out and I'll follow you."

You pull him down for another  kiss, your legs tightening around him and holding him so hard that he can barely move his hips to fuck you. "Fuck Dick," you fuck up onto him, pushing him further and deeper inside you.

"Yes, yes let. Fuck- I can feel it, you. God-" your cunt pulses and clenches down so hard on him, your body goes into full shakes as you cum on him. The sight of you losing yourself like this sends Dick over the edge and he cums so hard that his muscles tense and he collapses on top of you. Your legs are still holding him deep inside.

"Fuck, Dick. You ok?" You ask, your pussy still twitching around him.

"Hmm, sleepy. Are you alright?" He sits up, giving you space to breathe and inspecting the marks on your thigh, "do they hurt?"

"No. I like the sting.".

"Course ya do. Little degenerate." He pulls out of you, rolling onto his side and pulling you up to him and kissing your forehead.

"That was kind of intense." You angle into him, squirming at the cum dripping from you.

"Intense bad?"

"Just new. Any reason for that?"

"Maybe, maybe I just think you needed a treat. My pretty pet." He angles your face up so he can give you a sweet kiss.

"And Roy?" You finally ask.

"Let's not talk about hmHarper right now. Can we just cuddle in peace?"

"I guess. But we will talk about it, right?"

"Yeah," he pulls the comforter up over the both of you, "later."

[animehouse-moe]

Welcome To Demon School, Iruma-Kun! Volume 2: Into The Fire

I can't give Kodansha enough praise for (specifically) how they're handling Iruma-kun. I was worried when they announced it as single volumes, but the breakneck release schedule of every 2 months is great. There's a massive backlog of volumes, which means English readers get Iruma at an incredibly fast pace! Either way, it means the second volume's released and there's plenty to talk about with it!

Right away, NIshi's malleable style pulls me right back into Iruma-Kun. I love how fluid and expressive these designs are, how different a character can look from one page to the next. It feels so right with how all over the place Iruma-Kun is.

Similarly, the approach to "action", if you can really call it action, appears early on and works great with the overall style of the manga. Typically speaking, I'm more a fan of storyboarded action (where you see its progression and movement through paneling), but there's a good few exceptions like Iruma-kun, where I do enjoy the more pose based appeal. For it to work though, you need to be really good at expressing entire scenes with a single panel, and I'd say Nishi pulls it off quite well.

Now, you'd think when you're reading content you've already watched (at least once), and from almost 4 years ago now, that some of the comedy might wear thin. Nope. In fact, it's almost the opposite, as plenty of these moments end up feeling nostalgic, like Iruma's appearance by carriage (graciously announced by Opera). It's a bit challenging to explain, but with the unique life only found in the manga, and the differences due to restrictions and approach, the humor doesn't feel worn or thin in any spots.

Of course, it's not all comedy, this is still an impactful shounen for younger audiences, so they throw in pieces like this here and there. I really enjoy how wildly characters are able to swing between their more demonic side, and the more human one. Also, I'm a sucker for negative space with emotional realizations like this. Iruma's worried about being outed as a human, but his friends are worried about why he's feeling down. It's really endearing, and I like that they're able to so easily alleviate Iruma's worries. Anyways, the purpose of the negative space here is to show what Iruma's focused/centered on in this moment, that being Azz-Kun and Clara. But yeah, Iruma-Kun vol. 2 is still, unsurprisingly, checking every possible box it can.

I know I already said that the humor was well received in this volume, but it just works so well with Nishi's approach to movement. The posing and character design and the perceived delay between the two actions is just perfect. It's such great humor.

It takes quite a while, but there's also things in the manga that are inferior to the anime. Truthfully though, what can you do? The manga does nothing wrong with it's wonderful art, but the absence of color really hinders it in comparison. And that's mostly where the anime succeeds. Where there's set limitations, such as not having access to color or movement and the like, the anime picks up on what the manga wants, and brings out the best in it.

Also, it's in this volume that we get our first look at Ameri! I'm a massive fan of her character in the anime, so I was super excited to get a glance at her in the manga, and I wasn't disappointed. Her character design in the manga is super interesting, and actually leaves me somewhat disappointed with the anime's interpretation. Here, Ameri's design has something more.... well almost sultry to it, and it all comes from the eyes. I was super surprised to see how different it makes Ameri feel, but I'm completely for it.

Of course, our cute and Shoujo-obsessed Ameri still exists and is absolutely adorable, but first, this page. Nishi's posing and sense of movement through single panels is just something else, and I love how creative they get with perspective and field of view to really bring out the most in these panels.

Anyways, cute Ameri! I can never get enough of her like this.

I just love how responsive Nishi's character designs and art style are, I can't get enough. How the shading and line art change based on mood or appeal for example with this panel of Ameri. Her hair is usually shaded much darker, and her eyes much sharper, but here they're both the inverse of that to draw the cuteness out of her design. I just love it, I love how fluid Iruma-Kun is as a manga so, so much. (regular shaded Ameri below to show the difference as well)

And just to end it off, Azz-Kun and Clara sneaking around following Iruma.

I'm not exactly the target demographic for a shounen manga that focuses on friendship, doing well in school, respecting adults, and so on and so forth, but I hold it very dear nonetheless. Maybe because it's something that makes me feel younger than I am while reading it, maybe because it's just simply well done on all fronts, maybe something else entirely. But whatever it is, I'm so incredibly happy to be able to have and own each and every volume of this story now that it's been licensed.

[sevendeadlywhispers]

7Seals

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Chapter 14

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•Previous Chapter: Chapter Thirteen

•Next Chapter: Chapter Fifteen

•Chapter List

•New chapters every Thursday

•Content: Levi Ackerman × OC female. Slow Burn! Canon verse!

•Word Count: 5k (I got carried away)

•Warning: This content may not be suitable for all readers. If you've watched all of AOT then you will understand that the show handles heavy subjects such as abuse, racism, violence, and other heavy subjects. This fanfiction will also have the same heavy themes. Chapters with heavy themes will be marked with (*) at each chapter.

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Her fingers traced the bumpy path of my ribs, each touch turning up the volume of the discomfort. With a casual hum, she locked her gaze on my stomach, methodically pressing into different spots.

"What's the news?" I groaned, the pressure intensifying with every poke.

"You're not gonna like it," she replied, fingers unrelenting.

"When do I ever?" I groaned again, feeling the pain spike. "Ouch, seriously, can't you ease up a bit?"

"Do you always have to whine?" she shot back, her fingers persistently prodding.

"Come on, just spill it," I urged, rolling my eyes.

"You'll be down and out for a while, maybe a month," she dropped the bomb.

"Not this again," I groaned, my gaze shifting to the ceiling.

"Well, maybe if you'd done what you were supposed to all those years ago, we wouldn't be here right now," she huffed, rolling back on her chair.

"Yeah, yeah, just wrap me up," I said, holding my shirt away to give her access. She worked in silence, securing the wraps around my protesting ribs with practiced ease.

"Has anyone asked you to the ball yet?" the doctor tried to spark a conversation.

I chuckled. "No time for that in my schedule."

Silence hung between us.

"How about you? Got a dance partner?" I shot back.

"Nope, and I don't need an invite to have a good time," she replied, a rare smile gracing her face.

The first time I'd witnessed that woman crack a smile. Her smile was infectious, I had to grin in return.

"Good. I know you'll rock it. Give me a heads up if you need some wine; I'll stash a bottle for you." I winked.

She rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Your tricks make me a bit concerned as a doctor."

"Hey now, I didn't down those bottles solo," I defended, throwing my hands up, but a sharp movement made me wheeze in pain.

"Careful," she cautioned, still wrapping my protesting stomach.

"Doctor Lange." The door swung open, and the voice echoed through the room.

"I'm busy!" She yelled, hastily trying to cover me. I quickly pulled my blouse closed, shielding my chest.

Levi's eyes met mine, and his cheeks flushed a deep crimson. He paced away, desperately avoiding eye contact, as if the wall next to him suddenly became the most intriguing thing in the world.

Today was my day off, and seeing Levi here was unexpected, especially after last night's incident. But here he stood, looking like a flustered teenager.

"Will you ever learn to knock?" The doctor huffed, clearly annoyed.

"Even after this, I doubt it," I laughed, finding the whole situation amusing.

Levi, for the first time, seemed genuinely embarrassed, and I couldn't resist enjoying the moment.

"Right. Yeah," he stumbled, avoiding looking at either of us. "I'll be... I'll be out there." He hastily walked out of the room.

"We're done if you wanna go," she said, clearly amused by the recent events.

"I don't know if I wanna leave just yet," I replied with a smirk.

"Well, that's the first," she laughed.

"Yeah, I didn't think my Captain would ever see that part of me, so," I said, shooting her a knowing look.

"You have to face him sooner or later. Use it to your advantage," she suggested.

"Y'know, I'm starting to like you," I laughed, hopping off the bed and adjusting my shirt, buttoning it back up properly.

"See you tomorrow," she smiled as I walked out the door.

Levi leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets, gaze fixed on the ground. There was still a hint of red on his face when I approached him.

"Captain," I greeted him with a playful grin.

"Iris," he muttered, avoiding eye contact. "I didn't see anything, if that's what you're wondering."

"I'd rather pretend this didn't happen," I told him.

"Great. Good," he said, finally meeting my gaze. "Erwin is requesting all of us to meet in his office at noon."

"It's my day off," I protested. "Also, I'm not a captain."

"You were requested," Levi repeated.

"Fine. Whatever. See you then," I said, walking off. He headed into the doctor's office shortly after.

What could he possibly need in there? It's not like he's hurt, and if he was, he wouldn't be caught dead in the doctor's office.

I knew everything about that man's schedule he was supposed to have back-to-back meetings today. When did he find time to weasel his way out of them?

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

"Commander. Sorry I'm late," I spoke out, pushing the heavy mahogany door open, its hinges creaking echoing my arrival into Erwin's office.

"Iris!" Erwin's authoritative yet welcoming voice filled the room. "Right on time."

"Uh, I thought I was late?" I questioned, taking in the dimly lit room, the sunlight struggling through the heavy curtains. The scent of polished wood and the slight rustle of paperwork filled the air.

My eyes danced over the orderly chaos of scouting reports and strategically placed documents. The faint scent of aged wood and ink lingered in the air.

As I took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the room, Erwin motioned toward a plush sofa near the window, bathed in gentle sunlight. The ambiance felt almost reverent, a sanctuary within the bustling headquarters.

"Where is everyone?"

No one else was here. I purposely made myself late to the meeting so I didn't have to attend the whole thing. Did they already finish up? I'm so confused right now. Why am I the only person here?

"They'll be joining us shortly. Please, take a seat and let me pour you some tea," Erwin invited, his movements deliberate and graceful. The rich aroma of brewing tea began to intertwine with the atmosphere.

Seated on the sofa, it's leather cool against my back, I marveled at the view outside. The courtyard was adorned with blooming flowers and the distant hum of soldiers preparing for the day. Erwin's office, a haven within the bustling headquarters, seemed suspended in time.

"How's the injury?" Erwin inquired, the concern in his eyes mirrored in the soothing warmth of the tea he offered.

"I'll be out for a while," I replied, sinking into the luxurious sofa and the fragrant tea creating a momentary escape from the real world.

"Thought so, you took a hard fall last expedition," Erwin remarked, his eyes held concern but something else lurked behind it. It was a knowing look I hadn't seen in a long time.

"Yeah, well, the ground wasn't as soft as it looked," I quipped, smirking as I sipped the tea.

"So how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. Just bored," I shrugged, glancing around Erwin's office. The atmosphere, with its subtle scent of old books and polished wood, made it one of the few places I could tolerate.

"I've been bored myself. Not much to do when the weather is bad. Titans seem to be quieter when it's snowing, so it makes up," Erwin shared, his eyes focused on the swirling snowflakes outside the window.

"Are you still having night terrors?" Erwin's question hung in the air, breaking the comfortable silence. I felt a twinge of discomfort, knowing this conversation would tread on old wounds.

"No," I replied, my gaze fixated on the swirling patterns in my teacup. The memories of those nightmares were locked away, hidden from prying eyes.

"Really? That's pretty good, then," he continued, his tone measured. I nodded, not willing to delve into the details of a past I'd rather forget.

"Yeah, I guess so," I muttered, avoiding eye contact. The scars from those nightmares had faded, but their ghost lingered. I was a prisoner to my dreams.

"I saw your dad the other day. Have you spoken to him recently?" Erwin's question felt calculated, a deliberate turn in the conversation. Levi must have been in on this too. I wondered how long they'd been scheming to corner me in Erwin's office.

I sighed, realizing I was lured into this situation. Was there even a meeting with the other captains, or was it merely an excuse to draw me into this unexpected tête-à-tête?

"We both know the answer to that one," I replied, reclining further into the plush chair Erwin insisted I occupy.

"Well, it doesn't hurt to try. He did ask me about you and-" Erwin's sentence hung in the air, abruptly cut off as the door swung open, disrupting our conversation.

"Levi," Erwin greeted, his tone betraying a hint of surprise. "You're early."

I turned to find Levi strolling in, his signature stoic expression doing little to mask the annoyance in his eyes. He settled on the couch, shooting a pointed look my way.

"I thought you two would be done by now, knowing how stubborn she is," Levi remarked, the barely concealed irritation directed at me.

"It would have been nice if you knocked," Erwin chastised, attempting to restore some order.

"I see you didn't learn anything from earlier," I teased Levi, savoring the tension emanating from him.

"Shut it," Levi growled, his jaw tense.

"What happened earlier?" Erwin interjected, attempting to piece together the puzzle.

"Yeah, Levi, what happened earlier?" I prodded a mischievous glint in my eyes.

"I thought you said we were going to forget about it," Levi snapped, his frustration bubbling to the surface.

"Yeah, well," I mused, tapping my finger against my chin. "I changed my mind."

"I didn't," Levi retorted.

"What happened earlier?" Hange's sudden entrance startled all of us, breaking the building tension.

"Damn it, Hange!" I yelled out. "You gotta stop sneaking up like that."

"Haha, sorry," they chuckled. "But really, what happened earlier?"

"Nothing," Levi grumbled. "Drop it."

I couldn't help but smirk, reveling in Levi's discomfort. This unexpected turn of events was too good to pass up, and I was determined to make the most of it.

"Well, since everyone's gathered," Erwin declared, his eyes scanning the room. "We've got some event planning on the agenda."

"About time!" Hange exclaimed, their excitement practically bouncing off the walls.

"The Scouts got roped into organizing the Yule ball this year," Erwin explained, casting a glance at both Levi and me. "Now, that's not exactly my forte, so..."

"Not mine either," Levi grumbled, interrupting the commander, something I wished to do.

"For once, Captain Clean Freak and I are on the same page," I added.

"Watch it." Levi threw my way.

I rolled my eyes and watched Erwin continue to speak ignoring our opinions.

"You both will be participating in one way or another," Erwin said addressing us both.

"To make it easier on you guys, Hange is in charge."

What he meant to say was to make it harder on all of us. One thing Hange loved more than Titans, was parties.

"Nobles specifically requested you and Iris-"

Erwin paused, his gaze fixed on me. I could sense the hesitation in his words, the unspoken weight of what was to come. His regret was evident, etched in the lines on his face. It was almost as if a new wrinkle appeared when he said my name.

"Your father appointed you on behalf of the church to plan as well," Erwin continued, laying out the unexpected bombshell.

"Great," I groaned, my frustration evident as I pinched the bridge of my nose. Erwin had managed to turn a simple meeting into a tangled mess, and now the church was thrown into the chaos of unwelcome surprises.

"The church?" Hange echoed my disbelief. "They're in on this too?"

Levi's poker face slipped, his jaw hanging a little. His silver eyes widen showing the blues that lurked under his insomnia.

"Why are you representing the church?" Hange's voice cut through the silence, sharp and incredulous.

"My dad's a pastor."

"What?!" Hange's voice hit an octave usually reserved for Titans.

"How come you never told us?"

"It doesn't matter," I brushed off, trying to sound as disinterested as possible, but inside, I was already bracing for the fallout.

"This explains so much," Hange mused, eyes narrowing in a way that suggested they were re-evaluating every interaction we'd ever had.

"What else are you hiding?"

"Thirty bottles of wine," Erwin chimed in, an edge of mirth to his voice as if he couldn't resist joining the fray.

I shot him a look that could curdle milk, but he just smirked, unfazed. The man could face down a Titan without batting an eye, so what chance did my glare stand?

"I think my father can find someone else who can handle it on their own. I won't be attending," I declared, standing up in what I intended to be a dramatic exit, only to be met with Erwin's commanding tone.

"Sit back down," he said, and as a puppet with its strings pulled, I fell back into the chair, my gaze shifting skyward as if the ceiling held the answers to my current predicament.

Levi leaned in, his voice a low groan that carried a weight of resignation.

"If I have to go, you are going too."

"You have to go because you're humanity's favorite toy right now," I snarled back, letting my frustration bubble to the surface.

"And it looks like you're the church's puppet," Levi retorted, his words sharp, a mirror reflecting my own feelings.

The room was buzzing with the kind of tension you'd expect just before a storm hit. Except, instead of rain, it was Erwin's patience that was about to break. I shot Levi one of those looks that could easily turn wine back into water, but he just stared back, collected as ever. His eyes, though, were practically dancing. He was getting a kick out of this, the jerk.

"Enough." Erwin's voice, authoritative and final, cut through the standoff.

"Hange is in charge of the Yule ball planning. The Garrison and Military Police will also contribute. I expect full cooperation from everyone."

His gaze lingered on me, a clear directive that I was to play nice, especially with Levi—Mr. Grumps, seemed to find human interaction less appealing than a Titan encounter.

"Don't look at me,"

"It's not me who has issues with people."

I gestured towards Levi, ignoring his soft glare.

"Oh, cheer up, guys!"

Hange, ever the optimist, squeezed between us, their arms wrapping around our necks in a death grip disguised as a group hug. Their enthusiasm was unbreakable, their grip even more so.

"Hange," Levi groaned, his discomfort audible, yet he made no move to escape their embrace, a testament to his resignation or perhaps a rare show of patience.

With a swift dismissal from Erwin, I wasted no time. My escape was swift, my pace quickening with each step away from the office and the impending disaster of the Yule ball—a ball that, until moments ago, I had every intention of avoiding.

"Hey brat," Levi called out, his voice trailing me into the corridor. I ignored him, my determination to distance myself from the conversation—and him—as strong as my desire to steer clear of the ball itself.

The irony of my father's involvement gnawed at me. After four years of silence, and now he wants to inject himself into my life. It would be laughable if it wasn't so infuriating. There was no affection in his summons, no fatherly concern. Just demands, as always.

I seethed at the thought of being manipulated, a pawn in a game played by men who hid their insecurities behind badges of strength and independence. My father, Erwin, and even Levi in his own way—they all wanted something from me, yet none dared to ask directly.

I'm tired of being used, tired of the silent expectations and unspoken demands. If they wanted my help, they'd have to ask for it—plainly and without games. Maybe with a bottle of wine or two as well. I'm not doing shit for free around here.

I leaned against the doorframe, one hand resting lightly on the cool wood as I peered into the dimly lit room beyond. The scent of aged paper and ink filled the air, mingling with the faint aroma of fresh lemons and mint that wafted from behind me, the presence looming like a silent shadow.

"What?" I asked, my voice betraying none of the unease that churned in my stomach. I already knew why he was here, trailing me like a ghost haunting my every step.

"I'm checking on you." His voice was low, almost a whisper, but it carried a weight that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

"I'm fine," I insisted, though the words felt hollow even to my ears. I moved to close the door behind me, but Levi stopped me with a well-placed foot and a firm hand, pushing the door open once more as he brushed past me and entered my sanctuary uninvited.

"Don't believe you," he muttered under his breath, his tone clipped and devoid of its usual edge. His eyes scanned the room, taking in every detail with a scrutiny that made me squirm under his gaze.

"I don't know what you expect," I snapped, my frustration bubbling to the surface.

"I was just cornered by you and Erwin, bombarded with news from my dad, so forgive me if I'm not in the mood for visitors."

Levi's response was unexpected, to say the least. Instead of arguing or pushing further, he simply reached past me, his chest brushing against my shoulder as he closed the door behind me with a soft click. His eyes gazed at for a moment but he quickly returned to looking elsewhere.

"Then go relax," he murmured, his breath warm against my ear after he shut the door. His voice was oddly gentle as he gestured towards the room beyond.

"But we still need to talk."

I watched him pace around my office, his movements controlled yet restless as if he were searching for something he couldn't quite find. The sight of him, usually so composed and unflappable, acting so strangely sent a shiver down my spine.

I swallowed hard, my pulse quickening as I watched him, his demeanor a far cry from the stoic Captain I was accustomed to.

“Captain.”

"If we're off duty, it's Levi," he interrupted, his voice tight with tension as he turned to face me, his eyes dark and inscrutable.

I nodded, though the gesture felt more like a surrender than an agreement. "Right," I murmured, my mind racing with unanswered questions.

"Levi," I began, the name feeling foreign and unfamiliar on my tongue after years of calling him Captain. "What's going on?"

But Levi's response was evasive, his gaze flickering away from mine as he spoke.

"Just get yourself together, Iris," he said, his voice tinged with a hint of urgency.

"Then we can talk."

I frowned, a knot of unease forming in the pit of my stomach. Whose plan was it to send Levi to my room after the meeting?  

"Fine. Make yourself at home. Teas in the left cabinets. There's some hidden sugar in my desk," I informed him, motioning toward the makeshift kitchenette before retreating into the sanctuary of my room.

The ache in my ribs throbbed insistently, a relentless reminder of lingering memories I've tried so hard to forget and push away. With careful precision, I shed my clothes, each movement a delicate dance with pain. But comfort awaited, a fleeting respite from the relentless demands of our world.

Clad in baggy sweatpants and an oversized shirt, I embraced the familiar warmth of familiarity, seeking solace amidst the chaos. Yet, even in the quiet of my sanctuary, Levi's muttered commentary permeated the air, a discordant melody to my solitude.

He should have known coming into my room it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. It's not like I have time to clean.

"God, she is so filthy," his words floated through the door, my room will never be up to his unyielding standards. I couldn't help but chuckle, imagining his frustration with the disorder that was my office. But in a world plagued by fates and uncertainty, chaos was the only constant.

Summoning what remained of my waning energy, I corralled my unruly curls into a messy bun, a few stray strands framing my face in a halo of chaos. Stepping back into the lion's den, I found Levi attempting to bring order to the chaos, his efforts both futile and endearing.

"It's dirty," he observed, his voice tinged with a hint of resignation.

"I know,"

Levi's eyebrow quirked in response, his gaze lingering on my form as I brushed past him, his curiosity still getting the best of him while he cleaned. I could feel the heat radiating from his skin mixing with the coolness of my own.

I reached for a bottle of wine nestled within the depths of my desk drawer, the familiar glass cool against my fingertips. Levi's eyes followed my every movement, a silent observer of the dance of shadows in the dimly lit room.

"You stupid brat,"

I merely shrugged, uncorking the wine bottle before sinking back into the plush cushions of the couch. Propping my feet up, I took a long swig straight from the bottle, relishing the fiery warmth that spread through my veins.

Levi's disapproving gaze bore into me, but I met it with a defiant glare of my own.

"You know that's contraband, right?" he chided, his voice laced with thinly veiled frustration.

I rolled my eyes, the corners of my lips quirking up in a mischievous smirk.

"We're off duty, aren't we, Levi?" I retorted, savoring the way his name felt on my tongue.

His response was a begrudging nod, his gaze flickering away from mine as if unable to withstand the intensity of my stare.

"Yeah," he muttered, his voice barely audible above the crackling of the fire.

"Then I don't see an issue," I declared, taking another swig from the bottle and relishing the burn as it traveled down my throat.

Levi's scoff filled the air, but I paid it no mind, focusing instead on the comforting numbness that washed over me with each sip. Meanwhile, Levi busied himself with straightening out my desk, his movements precise and purposeful.

"So, did you come here to clean or?" I asked, my words dripping with sarcasm as I watched him fiddle with quill and ink.

"Someone has to," he grumbled, his attention still fixated on the task at hand.

"Suit yourself," I replied nonchalantly, leaning back against the cushions and cradling the bottle in my arms.

"Your hair," Levi said still cleaning.

"Uh, yeah? What about it?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Uh, nothing?" I replied, feigning innocence. "Why?"

"Because it looks messier than usual," he remarked, finally tearing his gaze away from the papers strewn across my desk to meet my eyes.

"Thanks," I shot back, my tone laden with sarcasm as I took another swig from the bottle.

As the minutes ticked by and the wine continued to flow, I found myself slipping further into a haze of intoxication. It had been a hell of a day, and from the looks of it, the night promised to be just as tumultuous.

Levi's offer of tea was met with a dismissive shake of my wine bottle, a silent refusal echoing through the room. Undeterred, he proceeded to pour himself a cup, his movements deliberate despite my lack of interest.

"Where's that sugar?" he inquired, his voice betraying a hint of annoyance.

"In the drawer with my wine,"

Levi's lips formed a thin line as he glanced at the drawer, clearly hesitant to delve into my personal belongings. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of satisfaction at his discomfort.

"I don't feel like snooping through your stuff," he muttered, his gaze fixed on the once-cluttered desk.

"You didn't have a problem earlier going through and cleaning all of it," I retorted, the bitterness of my words hanging in the air.

With a frustrated sigh, I rose from the couch, retrieving the sugar and another bottle of wine from the drawer. Placing them on the coffee table, I settled back into the cushions, uncorking the second bottle.

As I took a long swig, I noticed Levi's gaze lingering on me, his expression a mixture of disdain and concern.

"How much are you going to drink?" he asked, his voice tinged with disgust.

"Until your nagging doesn't annoy me," I shot back, my defiance unwavering.

"What? Do you want some?"

Levi shook his head, his features hardening. "Alcohol doesn't do anything to me anyways," he admitted. "Do you drink like this every night?"

I scoffed at his question, taking another sip of wine.

"I don't see how that's any of your business," I replied, the bitterness of the wine masking the bitterness of my words.

"But since you asked, yeah, I do. Got a problem with it? It's not a secret or anything."

In reality, the alcohol served as my sole solace from the relentless nightmares that haunted my nights. It was the one remedy that could momentarily numb the sharp edges of memory. If Levi failed to grasp the depth of its necessity, then he had no right to cast judgment upon me.

"You're an idiot."

Levi's voice was sharp and unforgiving. I merely shrugged off his insult with a casual smirk, taking another swig from my bottle as if his words were nothing more than background noise. The wine danced across my tongue, its familiar burn serving as a welcome distraction from the chaos of the day.

With each sip, the tension in my body began to melt away, replaced by a warm, fuzzy feeling that wrapped around me like a blanket. It was a fleeting escape, but at that moment, it was enough. I closed my eyes briefly, allowing myself to sink into the blissful numbness that the alcohol provided.

But even as I basked in the temporary relief, I couldn't shake the nagging awareness that this was just a temporary reprieve. Tomorrow, the pain would return with a vengeance, a harsh reminder of the battles yet to be fought. Yet for now, I pushed those thoughts aside, choosing instead to savor the fleeting moment of respite that the wine offered.

"How come you've never mentioned your family?"

I cocked an eyebrow, taken aback by his sudden curiosity. He always drilled into my head to leave our personal shit away from the survey and now he wants to mix it?

"How come you've never mentioned yours?" I shot back, refusing to let him catch me off guard.

His response was a low, almost approving hum, followed by a curt declaration.

"Don't have one."

I shouldn't have been surprised. In the years I'd known Levi, he'd built walls around himself so impenetrable, that they made the Walls of Maria look like child's play. Yet, in that moment, as he offered a rare glimpse behind those walls, I found myself unexpectedly intrigued.

For the first time in what felt like ages, a flicker of curiosity sparked within me, igniting a desire to peel back the layers of his guarded facade and unearth the truths hidden beneath.

"You," he added abruptly, his gaze fixed on the crackling flames of the fireplace as if retreating into the safety of silence.

His vulnerability hung in the air between us, a reminder of the complexities that lay beneath the surface. In response, I found myself opening up in turn, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.

"My mom's gone," I confessed, the weight of the admission heavy on my tongue. Levi's eyes flickered briefly to mine before returning to the dancing flames.

"My old man's off his rocker, and I've got a little sister who's the epitome of perfection."

The contrast between my sister and me felt like a clash of light and shadow, as if she embodied everything bright and radiant, while I remained cloaked in darkness. Her presence illuminated any room, with her golden locks cascading like sunlight, and her cerulean eyes mimicking the beautiful waters. She was the epitome of perfection, effortlessly graceful and flawlessly composed, while I stood in her shadow with my messy black curls and deep emerald gaze seeming to absorb the light around me.

From a young age, my sister had been the embodiment of everything pristine and flawless. Her every action was met with admiration and praise, her every word uttered with grace and charm. Meanwhile, I struggled to find my place, often overshadowed by her brilliance. While she effortlessly danced through life's challenges, I stumbled in her wake, grappling with my insecurities and doubts.

But despite our differences, I couldn't help but admire her. She was the light to my darkness, the embodiment of everything I wished I could be. And as much as I tried to resent her for it, I couldn't deny the love and admiration I felt for my perfect little sister.

"Shit, Captain, you'd probably smile just by being near her. She's that perfect," I remarked, a hint of tease in my tone.

Levi's gaze shifted, his usually stoic expression softened by a flicker of something I couldn't quite decipher. His raven hair fell carelessly around his face, and for once, his scowl seemed less severe, almost as if he were at peace.

"You've known me long enough to know I'm not easily impressed," he replied, his voice steady but with an underlying warmth that caught me off guard. His eyes met mine, and for a moment, I felt like I wasn't a nuisance to him. It was as if he had shed the weight of the world for just a moment, revealing a side of himself I had never seen before.

But then reality crashed back in, and I quickly diverted my gaze, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping up my neck. His words startled me. Just how long was I staring at him?

"Iris, I rather stare at eyes that have seen death than fool myself with someone who portrays a false reality."

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

[marshallpupfan]

Okay, we need to talk about this...

I know many of you likely haven't seen season 10's "Pups Stop the Foggy Skies" yet, but I have to talk about what happened near the end.

Long story short, a thick fog is forced into Adventure Bay by Mayor Humdinger, and the PAW Patrol are called in to save the day. Once it's gone, they notice Alex Porter has found himself up in a tree. Ryder sees this and calls in a pup to help him get down. Naturally, you'd think it'd be Marshall, right? After all, he's been called in many times to help in situations like this with his firetruck's ladder.

...Nope. Instead, he calls in Skye.

Now, you might be thinking, "how can Skye possibly help here?" As you can see from the above image, Alex is roughly in the middle of the tree, and there are many thick branches covered in leaves above and around him. Surely her helicopter cable would just get caught up and tangled in them, so you wouldn't think air support would work here.

And yet, it did. How? Well, there is an answer...

The animators/writers/whoever pretended all those branches weren't there. Her helicopter cable just magically passes through all of them.

Yup... that legit just happened.

Stuff like this is why I get so frustrated with the franchise anymore. If this had been the earlier seasons, then you know they wouldn't have hesitated to call Marshall in to save Alex. Instead, more Skye, and in the most insane way possible. Why they felt this was necessary, I've no idea... especially considering just how much they overuse Skye, and how underutilized Marshall is anymore. It doesn't make sense.

Then again, it's not like this was the only instance in the recent episode of something ridiculous happening, just to make sure Skye found use in there somewhere. At this point, I'm waiting for someone to start sneezing and somehow launch themselves into the atmosphere, just so Skye can fly out to save them, too.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I just think this is getting way too out of hand at this point. I can't believe that anyone, viewer or director, could look at this and not see it as a problem. They're so desperate to throw Skye into missions now, and things are becoming so ridiculous because of it. And I have to ask... are people truly enjoying this? Do they like seeing some of the pups get the short end of the stick in order to throw Skye into the action more? And if this is all truly on purpose, then to what end does it serve? To appease the critics, I guess? At what point does this constant pandering bite Spin Master on the rear?

I'm sorry if I rant about Skye a lot nowadays. It's not that I hate the character, but I clearly dislike the way they handle her anymore. I feel like they kiss up to her way too hard, and as a result, my favorite often gets short changed. I'd like to see things go back to the way they used to be, but... I just don't see it happening anytime soon. As much as I hate to say it, this might just be how PAW Patrol does things now. :(

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

Heyyy!

I feel like I want to write something but, at the same time, I don't feel inspired enough to choose exactly what to actually write. That's why I wanted to ask you for a little help (as I did in the past here).

If you want, I'd love to get some requests based on the prompts below (which were written by @nightprompts ) 🫶🥹 so that I can pick out some that I find especially inspiring

Rules: send me one or more of the prompts listed below, paired with someone in Chaeri's life (one or plus BTS members, one or plus Ateez members, staff, family, whatever idol you would like to interact with her). If you want to add also more details, it will only make it funnier for me to write the request 💌

DIALOGUE PROMPTS

❛ i just wanted to make sure you’re okay. ❜

❛ you’re not alone. you never were. ❜

❛ it’s better with you here. ❜

❛ don’t worry, i’m staying right here. ❜

❛ you’re welcome to stay, if you want. ❜

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

❛ you can hold my hand, if you want. ❜

❛ i knew you would be here. ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ before you do anything, try this and tell me what you think. ❜

❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜

❛ we can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want. ❜

❛ what, am i not allowed to look at you? ❜

❛ is that my shirt? ❜

❛ c’mere, you. ❜

❛ you remembered? ❜

❛ you’re my family too. ❜

❛ let’s go somewhere, just you and me. ❜

❛ i’m here for you. don’t forget that. ❜

❛ you’re the only thing that matters. ❜

❛ i was worried something happened to you. ❜

❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜

❛ nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time! ❜

❛ how about a kiss before i go? ❜

❛ i’m just glad you’re okay. ❜

❛ thanks for being here with me. ❜

❛ seeing you happy is all that matters. ❜

❛ keep it. it looks better on you. ❜

❛ you feel like home to me. ❜

❛ promise me you’ll still be here when i wake up. ❜

❛ i thought you’d like some company. ❜ 

❛ you can kiss me, you know. ❜

❛ come back to bed. ❜

❛ you look good like this. ❜

❛ how is it you always know what i need, huh? ❜

❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜ 

❛ you know you can always talk to me. ❜

❛ ah, so you aren’t heartless after all. ❜

❛ may i have this dance? ❜ 

❛ it’s okay, you can touch me. i won't break. ❜

❛ just relax and let me take care of you. ❜

❛ i had it under control. you didn’t need to do that. ❜

❛ everything looks so beautiful from up here. ❜

❛ do you mind if i smoke? ❜

❛ i’m scared of ending up alone. ❜

❛ i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight. ❜

❛ i’ve never cared for anyone the way i care for you. ❜

❛ i’m not wearing any underwear. thought you’d like to know. ❜

❛ i’d say we make a pretty good team. ❜

❛ i want you to forget this ever happened. ❜

❛ if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were jealous. ❜

❛ you'd look better down on your knees. ❜

❛ kiss me again. ❜

❛ are you asking me out on a date? ❜

❛ just sit there and look pretty and let me handle this. ❜

❛ you okay? caught you staring off into space again. ❜

❛ well, i do feel better now that you're here. ❜

❛ the first time i met you, i had no idea you'd mean this much. ❜

❛ you gonna be a good girl / boy for me? ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ how about a kiss goodnight? ❜

❛ i don’t have time for distractions right now. ❜

❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜ 

❛ if i have to think about one more thing today, my head will explode. ❜

original posts by @nightprompts : 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

NCT Spooky Season [Day 5]

The Haunted Complex

TW: Ghosts, Haunted Building Genre: Romance Pairing: Dong Sicheng x Reader YN Pronouns: Not specified Word Count: 0.7K Prompt: “Oh yeah, the sheet ghost is so scary” “Not that! The thing behind it!”

[NCT Masterlist] | [NCT Spooky Season Masterlist] | [Yesterday] | [Tomorrow] [Ao3 Link] | [Wattpad Link]

Notes: Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

If you were being honest, here, you'd consider yourself a skeptic when it comes to ghosts. You're a believer of science first and foremost, a true non-believer, so to say. Your boyfriend, Sicheng, on the other hand, is the most superstitious and ghost-fearing person probably in the world. You love him to death, of course, but you can only handle so much of the 'No way! It's haunted!' statements when you want to explore somewhere cool.

"I swear, (Y/N), you could see a ghost right in front of you and you'd think it was an illusion."

"That's probably because it would be, there's no such thing as ghosts," you told him.

"Are we even allowed to be here?" He looks up at the old building while you pull one of the boards covering the entrance off.

"Nope," you had an evil grin and Sicheng sighed. "Now come on! You either come with me or I go in alone," you offered.

"What?! You can't go in there alone! Fine! One hour!" Sicheng walks in first and you couldn't hide your excitement.

"Yes! Nice!" You followed in after him. You turned your flashlight on and shone it on anything that caught your eye. Who knows what this building used to be used for before? A lot of it was hidden from weather and age, leaving only small traces behind. "Ooh, Sicheng! Look at this!" You illuminated the bulletin board in front of you and pointed at one of the flyers.

"Call if you're interested in having a roommate," Sicheng recites.

"Huh, I kind of hated my roommates before," you shrugged.

"Were they really that bad? They were always nice when I was over," Sicheng takes out his flashlight too.

"Not bad, per se, just... so messy," you shuddered. "Let's go upstairs," you pointed the flashlight toward the staircase and Sicheng hesitated after seeing the cobweb above the door. "Don't worry, if there are any spiders I'll shoo them away," you waited for him to catch up with you before continuing.

"I really don't like the vibes of this place, (Y/N)," he rubs his arms up and down, shining his flashlight toward anything that seemed scary.

"You know what's worse than feeling like there's something scary around you?" You asked him.

"What?"

"Seeing it." He turned his flashlight off immediately and looked forward, and you couldn't stop the small laugh. "You are so adorable, Sicheng, don't worry! Ghosts don't exist and, if they did, I'd protect you from them!" You shot him a confident look, but you could tell he still wasn't convinced.

Now on the second floor, you and Sicheng were able to explore an abandoned unit, a couple of closets, and the bathroom. So far, nothing out of the ordinary for an abandoned complex, mostly quiet and a little eerie, there wasn't even a sound of dripping water. Just silence. But the longer you were in here the more uneasy you felt, maybe Sicheng was rubbing off on you a little too much, usually, you were the more dauntless of the duo, but his shaky eyes and the fact that he couldn't stand still for even a few minutes was starting to make you jittery too, until you finally heard him scream.

"Sicheng! What?!" You looked behind you and toward him.

"G... G... Ghost!" He shouts. You look forward again.

"Oh, yeah, that sheet ghost is so scary," you pulled the sheet off of the mannequin which, in many ways, was also terrifying. Especially since it was in the middle of the hallway. Covered.

"Not that!" Sicheng takes your shoulders and points further down the dark hallway, "the thing behind it!" Sicheng points at the elongated figure down the hall.

"Holy... holy shit," your jaw drops and, somehow, it seems to get closer. "Run."

"What?"

"Run!" You take his hand and you both bolt down the stairs, dashing out of the complex, into your car, and not even bothering to put your seat belts on while Sicheng slammed on the gas to get the hell out of there.

After a few minutes of silence, Sicheng was the one to speak up first.

"(Y/N)... you haven't looked anywhere but forward since we left."

"So have you, and you're the one driving," you didn't look at him.

"I don't want to check my mirrors."

"Why?"

"What if..."

"Don't you dare say it."

"So... do you believe in ghosts now?"

"... yes."

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms @sadcoffeecritic 

NCT Tag List: @cherrylovr @minjiville 

If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

[bluestar22x]

Chapter 9

Baby Fever - Chapter 9

Series Summary: It all started with a classic case of baby fever

Pairing: Marcus Pike x F!(Wife)Reader

Rating: 18+ Series

Warnings: Fluff and smut, fingering, cockwarming

Word Count: 1,700(ish)

Author's Note: We’re nearing the end of this series. I will miss writing for Marcus very much.

xxx

"Now attach the brackets to the inside of the headboard, long part pointing towards the main part of the crib."

"Long part?" Marcus frowned and glanced up at you from his spot on the floor a few feet away, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Is that what it says in the directions?"

"I'm simplifying it," you explained, narrowing your eyes at him. "Stop questioning my vocabulary and just do it."

He chuckled at your annoyance as he followed your order. "Alright. Alright. I'll stop teasing you. What's next?"

"You need to connect the headboard and footboard with the stationary rail."

It was July five, and you were towards the end of the thirty-fourth week of your pregnancy. Putting together the baby's crib this late into it had not been your plan, but missing parts on the original crib had meant that it had needed to be returned and switched for a new one. The crib had been ordered online and finding the time and the energy to deal with that mess had taken you a while. Being less than a month and a half away from your due date you were starting to get really weighed down by the baby. You could barely climb a flight of stairs without running out of breath and sometime a few weeks back you'd started waddling, to your dismay. You'd started relying on Marcus more for physical tasks, and putting the crib together was one of them. At least you could direct him from the rocking chair.

It was slow going, but eventually the crib was complete, or at least appeared to be.

"Are we supposed to have spare parts?" Marcus quizzed, lifting a tiny plastic zip bag above his head and shaking its contents to get your attention.

There were a few brackets and washers left inside it.

You pressed your lips together and glanced down at the paper directions in your hands to recheck the steps you'd taken. "I don't think so..."

Marcus pushed himself onto his feet and laid a hand on the side railing of the crib to give it a shake. "Seems solid enough."

You stared at him with big eyes. "Marcus! We have to be sure!" you scolded. As far as you were concerned even missing one washer was dangerous. What if it was important to the integrity of the crib and the crib fell apart when the baby was sleeping in it? The image that sprung to your mind was horrifying. Your baby falling to the floor, crying, bruised or worst. Nope. Every piece had to be accounted for.

Marcus must have heard the fear in your voice because he was nothing but serious after, setting to examine every part of the crib that connected, at all angles, to make sure that nothing was loose or out of place.

"Everything looks fine," he assured you eventually. "It's as solid as a rock, honey. The others must be spares."

You sighed heavily. "I wish the directions would've told us that."

"Do you want me to climb in?" he asked, half-serious. "If it can handle my weight it can certainly handle the baby's."

You giggled, imagining him struggling to get into the high crib, only for the railing to crack under his weight as he attempted to clamber over it. "As funny as it would be to see you try, I really don't want to have to buy another crib. Not when I feel like I'm going to pop tomorrow."

"So are we good?" he inquired.

You nodded. "Your thorough inspection convinced me."

"Good." Marcus strolled over to you, touching your shoulder. "Wanna watch a movie?"

You flicked your eyes to the clock on the wall. "It's already almost ten o' clock. I think I'd rather just go to bed early if that's okay?"

He bent at the waist and pressed his lips to your forehead. "Of course."

He helped you to your feet and followed you into your bedroom, flicking on the ceiling fan and quietly switching from his work clothes into nothing but a fresh pair of boxers as you stripped off the plain gray t-shirt and stretch pants you'd worn that day. You'd had the day off, having cut back on your work hours since you passed the thirty week mark, and lately sweats were your go to on days you got to stay home. It was starting to get a little too hot for them though.

You couldn't help but stop in front of your full length mirror on the way to your dresser and examine your naked body critically. You'd put on a lot more weight and had a lot more stretch marks than you'd expected. Your sister hadn't been any tinier than you had been before you got pregnant but her bump had looked so little compared to what yours was at this point in her pregnancy. Maybe you needed to quit the ice cream completely, you thought.

Ever attentive, Marcus noticed you looking at your image and approached you from behind, placing his strong hands under your belly and burying his face into the crook of your neck, kissing over your pulse point as he did so. "Gorgeous," he whispered, his warm breath tickling the skin there.

You huffed. "You got a thing for elephants?"

"I've got a thing for you," he replied before he nipped at your collarbone gently. "I love seeing you this way. Knowing you're carrying our baby. I love seeing how happy you get when you talk about her. You light right up, honey. You don't have to worry about how your body looks, you know that, right? You are always beautiful to me...even in the morning when you first wake up."

You gaped and turned to shove him away in mock outrage over his mere nod at the terrible bed head you tended to get, but the hunger in his eyes stopped you. He cupped your left cheek and stared into yours. "You have no idea how difficult it's been for me to keep my hands to myself lately."

"Just lately?" you asked, more breathless than playful like you'd intended it to be. You hooked your fingers onto his waist band, waiting knowingly.

He shook his head at you, amusement intermingling with his desire for you. "Always."

You leaned in and brushed your lips against his, smiling afterwards. "Well, there's no need to resist now."

Marcus eagerly dove in for another kiss and you skated your hands up his bare back, into his thick hair, as he steered you carefully towards the bed.

He helped you lay down in it on your side, your head resting comfortably on your pillow, and crawled in behind you after removing his boxers. He pressed himself up against your backside and kissed the shoulder that wasn't pinned under your body, ground his hips against your ass, and you could feel how much he wanted you.

"What do you want?" he murmured into your ear after he'd kissed his way up to it.

"All of you," you answered, breath hitching as he sucked on your earlobe. You angled your hips so you could sling a leg over his thighs, opening yourself up to him, and he reached down between your legs with one hand to rub at your aching bud, taking his time to increase your arousal, his talented fingers not stopping until you were slick.

He withdrew them just as the sensation was drawing loud moans from you, just as you felt your high nearing, and you whined a protest at the loss of his touch, frustrated by it.

The emotion was fleeting as it was only a split second before he was burying himself in you, and you whimpered his name as he stretched you out oh so satisfyingly. He began to rut into you at a steady pace, shallower than usual because of the position you were in, but it was enough for you both, evident by the sounds tumbling out of both your mouths. He clung to you tightly as he moved, hands splayed over your chest, open mouth hovering just over the space where your neck and shoulder met, pants of effort drifting over your sensitive skin. You held onto his arms and blissfully listened to his heavy breathing, concentrated on the drag of him between your walls, all while your heart soared at the intimacy of it all. It hadn't made more than a week since you'd last made love, in this exact same position, but your body was reacting like it had been months, the throbbing between your legs intensifying swiftly.

"More," you begged desperately, breaking out into a sweat as you writhed against him in an attempt to get him to hit you deeper. As soon as you were successful a wave of pleasure crashed into you, making you cry out sharply and clamp down on him, blinding your senses to everything but that feeling.

"That's it, honey. I've got you." Marcus growled lowly as you finished, bringing his face closer to yours, and you felt him roll his hips one last time before he was pulsing inside you.

He rested his head against the back of yours after, as he tried to regain control of his breathing, and you reached around to rest your hand at the base of his neck, fingers brushing over the tips of his sweat curled hair, limited in the ways you could touch him. You couldn't wait until the baby was born and you could move normally again.

"I believe you," you told him, referring to his earlier speech about finding you beautiful no matter what.

He chuckled and the shake of his body reverberated in you, making you squirm.

"Do you need more?" he inquired, having noticed your movement.

"I'm still really sensitive right now," you admitted, squeezing your legs together, making him grunt.

"Let me help," he said quietly, dropping his hand back down to swirl his fingers around the bundle of nerves between your thighs once more. He remained inside you as he worked you into another climax by hand, as you shuddered in his arms.

He claimed your mouth afterwards, stealing what little breath you had left. "Better?" he asked as he parted his lips from yours a few beats after, as he finally pulled his softened cock out of you. He nudged the side of your nose with the tip of his and you grinned, loving his affection.

"Much better."

You slept like the dead that night.

xxx

Tagged: @amyispxnk, @harriedandharassed

xxx

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

xxx

[penwieldingdreamer]

Grandpa said Austin is a City

Thank you so much for all your likes and rebloggs. I have just recently found my way into the fandom and holy smokes I'm super happy about it. I hope I can do this justice and you'll like what I've come up with. This is the start of something, not a chapter story but I guess a one shot series featuring snippets from Austin's and the reader's life. I tried to keep the appearance and description of the reader as vauge as possible, so you guys will be able to come up with your own picture for the reader. Only thing that I picture while writing, it's a female reader, living in London with her british mother and american father, single mother of two girls Lottie (5) and Millie (3), and two years older than Austin. I wanted to explore that a bit.

Summary: Your daughter is curious about her father, knowing that you always had been the Three Musketeers but then you meet Austin in Hyde Park after your daughter has a run in with the ground. You know, you don't want a relationship, but friendship is a nice start as well. Words: 3k Warnings: fluff, some swear words, maybe a few tippos - if so, please let me know

Now with no further ado - enjoy. And please let me know what you think.

Feb. 2022

“Mummy?” Lottie, your four, nearly five year old called from the living area where she had been watching her favorite cartoons. You saw her gaze fixed on the TV,  a family of four embracing as they finally found each other again. “Do we have a daddy, too?” 

Taking a deep breath, you put the pan down you had just been cleaning. Moving to sit down next to her you were glad Millie was still down for her nap. “Of course, baby, but sometimes Mummies and daddies don’t work out, so there aren’t always two parents.”

“Do you want a daddy to help out so you're not alone anymore?”

Swallowing against the tight feeling in your throat, you pulled your daughter against your side. “What gave you that impression? I thought us girls were the Three Musketeers. Did someone say something at school?”

Lottie shook her head, her blonde curls swinging about her head like ringlets of spun gold. “Nope, but granny said we're a lot to handle on your own and that she'd love to see you have a man in your life again.”

Rolling your eyes, you brushed your hand through her hair. Of course your mother would love nothing more than the idea of a man in your life and the prospect of another grandchild. She loved your girls to death but sometimes she didn't know when to shut up. “Your granny doesn't know what she's saying. Sometimes she's just acting silly.”

“Well, I'd like a daddy someday. Lucy from school said she has two daddies. One is her real daddy and the other one is married to her mummy, but he's not her bi-bigolicl daddy.”

“Biological, honey, and well, sometimes that's how families work.”

Nodding her little head, she turned back to the cartoons and you were left with the aftermath of that conversation. Your ex had left you when Millie was a few months old and since then you were a single mother with two jobs.

Of course you’d want nothing more than a man in your life again, but most often the biggest problem was that they didn’t like you having kids so they didn’t want to be bothered with your plus twos, sometimes the guys were too young for you and other times men were just idiots.

With a sigh you decided to wait for Millie to wake up and take the girls outside. A stroll in the park might do them good and maybe you could have a talk with your own mother to keep these topics for herself.

“What's going on, darling?” Your mum asked, pushing Millies's stroller as you made your way through Hyde Park. The weather had been a bit better now in February, but still cold enough to freeze hands and noses off. You hated it, yet the summer heat of Texas was worse, so you were glad for the little miracles in life. Bundled up, you guys decided that after you'd have a nice cuppa near the Italian Gardens. Your mother loved their pastries.

“Why did you tell Lottie I needed a man?” Your eldest was running a few feet in front of you, the wool bauble on her hat wobbling with every step she took. “We were doing okay until now. She asked about her dad and you know I don't want to talk about him.”

She breathed out a sigh, grabbing your hand. “I'm sorry, darling. You know I didn't mean anything by it, it was just me being silly again.”

“Granny silly.” Millie squealed, throwing her little legs about with a laugh, clapping her hands in delight, though muffled by the gloves she wore.

“Yes, granny is silly, just wants your mummy to be happy again.” your mother said, juggling the stroller slightly to make her squeal some more. 

You knew she was just trying to look out for you. “I'm an adult, mum, I can handle the girls and my job. I don't”

“MUMMY!”

Your blood froze, your head whipping around so fast you heard the bones in your neck crack. Lottie's cry sounded muffled in your ears, but your body moved on autopilot. 

Your girl was up in the arms of a strange man, crying her eyes out and calling for you.

“Let go of my daughter!” Your call startled the man and he turned towards you. “I'm warning you, I'll be calling the police.”

With a look back towards your mother, you already knew she was just about to do that. Strangers were picking up kids left and right and you would not be the parent that had to file a missing person report for her five year old who was snatched Right from under your nose.

“Woah, jeeze.” He called, his voice sending shivers down your spine before your glare turned on him again, watching as he set Lottie down, putting his hands up in surrender. “I'm sorry, really, there's no need. I saw her fall and tried to calm her down when she cried.”

You pulled your daughter into your arms, hugging her tight and trying to calm her down, your eyes never leaving his face - although you had to admit, this guy had a nice one.

Deep blue eyes, angled jaw, dark gold stubble…

No, nope. Don't go there.

“You okay, baby?”

“I-I fell. And it hurt really bad and then-then Aus helped me up. But it h-hurts so bad and I just wanted you.” Her hiccups and tears made her body jump in your arms. 

“Who's Aus, Lottie?”

Rubbing the tears from her eyes with a tiny fist, you wouldn't have been surprised if she gave you one of her famous eye-rolls before an exasperated sigh left her little mouth. “Him.” 

You followed her pointed finger and looked into the face of the guy - well, probably man, but yeah - you yelled at only a few moments before. He held up his hand in a two lingered wave with a sheepish smile adorning his full lips.

“He said his name is Austin, but I told him that's a city in Texas. It's where grandpa’s from. So he said I could call him Aus.” She shrugged her shoulders.

Your lips pressed into a tight line, and yet ready to chew him out when your mother stopped behind you. “Oh darling, that was really nice of you. She's a bit of a know-it-all, thanks to her grandpa, isn't that right Charlotte?”

“Mum, really?” You shot a disapproving look at her,�� knowing well that it would only encourage your children more when your parents were giving them ammunition to be sassy.

“Grandpa said it's good to have a v-va-, ugh, know-it-all.”

The man chuckled and ran his fingers through his dark blonde locks and somehow that made your insides tingle. “It's alright ma'am, I saw her fall and just didn't know if her parents were around. Maybe I could invite”

“Nah, thank you.” You didn't let him finish because you knew how this was going to end. But your life wasn't a Hallmark movie and your mother wasn't allowed to swoon over him like you knew she would. “I'm really glad you were there to catch my daughter and help her out. But we got to go now and you're probably busy anyway.” 

“Baby, hey, look what I found.” A soft feminine voice called from behind you and you raised your eyes at him like you had just stated a fact. The young woman flashed him a smile and slung her arms around his waist, fingers gripping the long black peacoat slightly. “Oh, hi. I didn't know you were talking with fans, baby.”

She was either a model or an actress. All gorgeous, tall, young, with luscious hair while you had stuck with your mom style, knowing there wasn't always enough time to look super gorgeous.

Yep, definitely model.

“We are not, well, my daughter fell and your, uh,” you stopped short, not sure how to address him, if they were married or only in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage, so you played it safe like so many people before when you were still dating your ex. “Partner” 

Yep, sounds super awkward but what the hell?

“rescued my daughter, she fell and we weren't fast enough.”

“Oh, I hope she's okay?” Concern laced her voice as she smiled at Lottie. Well, your first impression of her seemed to not be true, at least she wasn't stuck up like some others in the industry. “Maybe you guys can join us for a coffee?”

“Ah, n”

“I tried already, she said No.” Austin, as you knee him now shrugged, putting his arms around his girlfriend's shoulder. 

Your mother sent you a disapproving look, brushing Millies's blonde curls back under her head. “It was nice of you to consider us, but the little ones need to get back home and we need to take a look at Lottie's knees. Maybe we'll see each other again and can get that cuppa as a thank you then.”

Oh how you loved her, your mother the diplomat. You knew exactly why she sometimes took the reins from you. You were brash and hot headed when you needed out of a situation and this was exactly one of those occasions. It wasn't that you wanted to be rude to him, not at all. He seemed like a super nice guy, but the last super nice guy that made your insides flutter ended up sleeping with his secretary and leaving you with your two wonderful children. So, you steered clear of them and wouldn't encourage any further confrontation, no matter how nice all these would be.

“Hm, yeah, I got to take a look at the knees, but thank you, usually people around here are a pit occupied with themselves.” Leaving no room for further discussion, you motioned your mother to move along and with a last wave at the couple made your way back out of the park.

Your mother tried to keep pace with you, moving the stroller with a sleeping Millie. She watched you carrying Lottie in your arm, her head leaned on your shoulder and your teeth worrying your lips. “You could have taken his offer, you know, acting a bit nicer. It's not like you'd have ended up in a relationship.”

“Mum, please. This is embarrassing enough for me. He’s there with his girlfriend, I don’t think she would have liked having coffee with another woman and her children.”

“No, probably not. But she offered and it wouldn’t have ended in another disaster like you are trying to paint right now.”

With a sigh you brushed your hand over your daughter’s back and watched your youngest sleeping in her stroller. You knew it wasn’t about the coffee offer or even about Austin. It was your own fear. The fear of taking a leap and getting hurt, your angels getting hurt in the end and you tried to keep any potential human away from them and yourself. “I, I just don’t want to spiral into this thing where I think I might have a chance one day and then get hurt again. I’d”

“You’d rather snuff out any kind of butterflies you might get, right?”

Your children were your priority and there was no way in hell that you would let them get hurt by a romance that probably had no future.

May 2022

“You're such a wanker, Trevor! You're supposed to pay child support, it's been four months and I still haven't gotten anything besides your dumb apologies. If you don't have the money, I'll have my lawyer get your ass into gear.” 

You were fuming, your insides boiling from all the pent up anger and you felt bad for all the people around you witnessing the volcano inside your body erupt when your ex called you - again - to let you know that he was still lagging in the finance department and you'd get the money later than expected.

Turning to the lady at the counter, you sent her an apologetic look, hoping the other patrons in the cafe would be sympathetic to your display right there. “I'm really sorry about that, I didn't want everyone to have to hear it but, well, yeah.”

“Oh, I get it. My ex husband was the same before I sued him. Now he's as easy as a little lamb.” She chuckled, passing the to-go cup of coffee you ordered with a broad smile. “Hang in there, it's going to get better.”

Let's hope that somehow today is going to get better.

Giving her a tight lipped smile, you turned around to leave only to run smack into a broad body.

Oh no.

“Shit.”

“Fuck.”

Taking a deep breath, you turned your head up looking into those blue eyes you’d last seen a few months ago. Of course it had to be him, what were the odds.

Just that morning your mother had told you about the movie and that she recognized Lottie's Austin in the trailer. Now here you were, staring at each other in the Parcafé, part of the Dorchester Hotel. Your best guess was, that he was there on business and staying at the hotel but he was the last person you'd thought you'd run into.

Biting your lip you saw your much needed cup of coffee having spilled all over his shirt - that probably cost more than your rent - and running down his arms. “I, oh my, I’m so sorry.” Grabbing the napkins from the tray beside you, you started patting down his top half.

What a nice one it was.

Nope! Don’t go there, you’re in enough trouble already.

“Hey,” Austin’s hand stopped yours. “It’s okay, I’ll just get it cleaned. You alright?”

Blinking your hand froze mid wipe. “I-I, I spilled my coffee on you, not the other way around.”

He shook his head, his dark blonde locks moving lightly into his face. It felt like an eternity until you were able to look away. Grabbing your hand, he pulled you to the side letting other guests pass you after they complained about you blocking the entrance. “Hey, it’s fine but maybe now I can call you something else besides ‘Lottie’s mom’ when I talk to you.”

Fuck, why is he so nice? I can't get attached, damn it.

Pressing your lips together, you debated in just ignoring it but you remembered what your mother said before. Just because you're nice doesn't mean you'll end up in a relationship.

“I can call you sweetheart or darlin’ if you prefer that to me actually using your name.” His voice was low, soft and rumbled through your body as he spoke, making your skin prickle. 

No wonder his girlfriend was so smitten with him.

You took a deep breath, lips parting and your body on autopilot leaned closer to him, ready to either answer him or kiss him, you weren't sure yet what you really were going to do. 

“Yo, Austin! You ready to head out?” 

“Damn it.” He turned, nodding at his friend before he gave you another smile of his, his blue eyes glinting. “Listen, tonight’s the premiere of Elvis, come with your girls and bring your parents. I’d love to talk some more.”

“Austin.” You choked, eyes widening at his words. “I don’t, is that even possible? You don’t need to do that.”

Smiling, he grabbed your hand. “No I don’t need to, but I want to. It’s going to be fun, I promise.”

Before you could respond, he already gave you his phone, asking you to put in your name. Thanking you with a kiss on your cheek and a promise to send you all the info you need, he walked out with the other man and left you standing in the café, the woman behind the counter giving you a shy smile. “Oh darling, you know, if a guy was looking that good and asking me to come to a party, I’d not hesitate and get dolled up for him.”

Sending her a tight lipped smile, you just nodded and left the café. Your mother was going to have a field day with that. And you guessed the girls would enjoy the music with your dad always playing Elvis for them whenever he could.

“Mummy, look! There’s Austin!” Lottie yelled, jumping happily when she saw the actor. 

You had to admit, he looked amazing in the white suit jacket, undershirt and slacks he wore, smiling brightly as he entered the BFI Southbank with Tom Hanks and the director of the movie. Looking up, he spotted you standing off to the side. He excused himself and made his way through the throng of people and stopped right in front of your girls, crouching down to be eye level with them and holding his hands out for Lottie and Millie to take.

Gosh, is there anything he's not perfect at?

“Wow, look at you beauties. Your mom already said you were super excited to come.”

“Uhuh, grandpa always listens to Elvis and we usually watch Lilo and Stitch on the weekends so we can sing with him.”

You shook your head slightly with a smile on your face. They were so excited to be there and see the movie ever since your mother showed them the trailer to Elvis. “Austin?” He looked up at you, watching as your fingers knotted and relaxed with anxiety. Humming, the actor got up and grabbed your hand. It was nothing romantic, even though the look on his face could have easily been mistaken for something like that. “Thank you for inviting us. My father is super excited and the girls already love it so much from just seeing those posters.”

“I’m glad you came. You know I feared I scared you off today.”

“Well, I never thought I’d run into you again, but here we are. Seems to be some kind of fate.”

He smirked, putting his arm around your shoulder and moving the girls and you to meet the rest of the cast. You had to admit that you were glad to run into Austin, even though you always tried to tell everyone otherwise. He was a great guy, down to earth and super sweet. Somebody that was going to be a great friend for a long while.

Divider @cafekitsune

Tagging @fortheloveoffanfic

[murderousxcoffee]

Danny Johnson/Ghostface x Reader + Edging Kink

Danny edges Female!Reader and doesn’t shut up as he does it. Literally just Danny talking to you, pure dialogue. Chastity belt ending. Enjoy, my fellow perverts

 ===

"Whoops! I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd hear me all the way over here. Did I scare you? Sorry baby. Didn't mean to interrupt. It's okay, you can go back to what you were doing.

You don't mind if I watch, do you?

Where are you going, sweetie? You know I'm faster than you. You're not getting anywhere with your clit throbbing like that anyway. Let me get a closer look.

Ahh. It's so cute~

I put your phone to charge next to your laptop, if you're wondering. It was about to die, so I thought I'd be nice.

Mmm, I gotta give it a little… oh? That was a cute noise you just made. Do my gloves feel good on your little clit?

There… that's a good girl. Haha - If I'd known you'd quiet down that quick, I would've done this when I tried to kill you.

Don't give me that look, I was just teasing!

… Oh, I'll show you some real teasing, alright.

Mmmhm, that's right. Use that pretty voice of yours for something other than screaming. I love the way you moan, baby girl. You're being so good, I bet I could let go of your hands…

But just between the two of us, I know you like being tied up.

What? You look so surprised! You think I haven't seen what you've been touching yourself to? You're a very naughty girl, getting off on such hardcore porn. And everyone thinks you're just an innocent little virgin… sweet little survivor girl and her cherry.

I know you've been saving yourself for me. I've heard you moaning my name at night. I thought you'd go right to one of those guys you know and ride their dick soon as I asked, but nope! You surprised me. You always do.

Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't hurt you, did I~?

… Oh, now she begs? You're so stubborn. But alright! Since you asked so nicely.

Does it feel good, sweetheart? Does it feel good to have a murderer holding you down and tickling your clit? Do you want to cum, my final girl? Are you going to cum for your Ghostface?

… Hmm… I think you didn't ask nicely enough!

Aww, don't look like that. It's just a little edging. You're a big girl, I know you can handle this.

Pffft, yeah I'm a dick, did you just notice?

Okay, alright, I'll let you cum this time. Come on, baby girl, sing me a song.

Hm? Is something wrong? Ohhh, I'm sorry, did I stop too soon? Poor girl, didn't get to cum. Maybe you're not gonna be able to tonight? You've been working that little clit of yours too hard. You should give it a rest.

You want to try again? Alright, if you're sure…

… You know, I think your pussy is all burnt out. It's been two hours, little lady, and you haven't cum once! And of course, it's not my fault you can't finish… who would've thought you of all people would be so insatiable?

Poor little clit… it's so swollen. You've been so mean to it, haven't you? Days and days of touching yourself, you haven't given it and rest at all. You're so cruel, sweetheart.

Let me give you a little help~ ever see one of these before? The latest technology in chastity belts. You can use all the holes but you, sweetheart, can't abuse your poor little clit anymore.

No no no, don't struggle. I know you want to cum, but you need to let yourself rest. Don't fight me, it's okay~ that's a good girl. Don't look so sad. Nobody is gonna know but us.

… Fuck, you look great, baby. Say cheese~!

So good for me, aren't you. Okay. I gotta go now. I still have a day job to worry about. I'll see you next week. Be good!"

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities. 

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

[jjmaybanksblog]

Good Old Days - JJ Maybank

Gif credit @toesure !

Summary: you and JJ meet once again after a harsh break up.

Word count: 1,982

Warnings: cheating, angst underage drinking, implied sex at the end. I do NOT condone the action of going back to someone who cheated.

You sat alone in a booth at a local restaurant, diagonal from where your friend Nicole sat with an unfamiliar boy. You had offered to 'be a look out' for the girl when she brought up how her friends had helped her get a blind date. Nicole had the fear that she might embarrass herself or something might go south, so you decided to lend a helping hand to calm her down.

You subtly flicked your eyes up and down from the menu to your friend as a waitress came up to you. "What can I get you hun?" 

"Just a vanilla milkshake and fries please." The lady nodded and took the menu from your hands. You reached inside of your bag and pulled out your notebook. Finding a pen, you began to mindlessly draw little doodles of whatever came to mind. 

You were actually enjoying the peace and quiet until the front door bell chimed. Before you could react, JJ Maybank took the spot right across from you. "Can I help you?" You scoffed, closing the notebook. 

"Nope. I'm helping my friend out and it looks like you happen to be doing the same thing for your friend too." JJ said, looking behind his shoulder to see his friend give him a thumbs up. You rolled her eyes, defensively crossing your arms.

"Okay, well how about you move to the other booth where you can 'help' by yourself." JJ dramatically put his hand to his heart, "does Y/F/N Y/L/N not want to spend time with me?" "The last time I was near you it didn't end well." You hissed. JJ immediately got quiet as the waitress came up to deliver your order.

"Oh! Would you like anything dear? On the house for the couple!" The waitress smiled, "oh no we're not-" "actually I would love a hamburger and a chocolate milkshake please!" JJ grinned. "Coming right up." 

"Seriously JJ why can't you just sit somewhere else?" You asked as you dipped a fry into the milkshake. JJ furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you take a bite. "What? It's good." You defended.

"See I could, but Steve made me promise to help him out. And now I get to talk to you which is exactly what I want to be doing on my Friday night." Sarcasm dropped from his voice as you bite your tongue.

"Well you can leave. You never were good at keeping promises anyway." You seethed, taking the cherry out of the milkshake and popping into your mouth. JJ became quiet once more as the sudden flashback hit him.

Flashback:

2 years. 2 years was all it took for something so positive and bright, to turn into something dead. 2 years was all it took for JJ Maybank to own, and then break your heart. 

You two had been dating for a full two years, both of you guys admitting you were in love. Making promises that you two couldn't keep. One of them being, 'I'll always love you.' 

JJ broke that the minute his lips touched some tourons at an end of the year school party. You had lost sight of your boyfriend in the middle of the party after telling him you were going to the bathroom. It took you 10 minutes to find him with the unknown girl. 

"Have you seen- oh." Your words slipped your mind as you saw a boy and girl break away from a kiss. Only to reveal that face that made your heart break. "I better... I better g-go." You stumbled over your words, your legs moving as fast as they could out of that house and far away from JJ.

You didn't know what to do, what to think, how to act, what to say, everything just became numb. Like someone had just ripped your heart from your chest, and dangled it in front of your face as if it were mocking you. So you just ran, and ran all the way to your house. Dried tears stained your face as you were panting, on the verge of passing out. 

Your mind felt fuzzy, as if it were an old TV and an antenna was knocked loose, like all you heard was static and a ringing. You shook your head frantically as you paced in the living room. A rapid knock echoed in the silent room as you let out a sob. You slowly walked to the door, your hand shaking as it hesitantly reached out.

You twisted the handle and pulled the door open to reveal a frantic JJ. "Y/N please let me-" "Don't even fucking start JJ." You said, cautiously backing away from the door. JJ walked into the house as he tried to grab hold of your wrists. 

You pulled your wrists back from JJ's grip as you began to have trouble breathing. "You fucking kissed some random girl. Who knows what the fuck would've happened if I didn't walk into that room." You mumbled to yourself as your head began to ache.

"Y/N you know I wouldn't do that!" "When you're in a relationship you don't fucking kiss somebody else! I didn't think you'd do that yet here we are!" You raised your voice as you paced again.

"Open your fucking eyes, it's so obvious I'm in love with you!" JJ yelled back, causing you to flinch, his breath smelled of alcohol. Your eyes suddenly fell to the ground, afraid to look at him without breaking down.

"You need to leave," your voice wavered, "you need to leave and not come back. You can't look at me. You can't speak my name. You can't have anything to do with me, Maybank. We're fucking done." You breathed out, feeling as though you had a boulder crushing your body.

"Y/N. I made you a promise that I'd love you, please let me keep going with that promise." JJ begged, his eyes burning harshly with tears. "You broke your promise, you can't come back from that."

JJ let out a sigh as his head slumped down, forcing his legs to walk out the front door, and out of your life.

Memory over.

"Look, this isn't a guilt trip: I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you." JJ said, fidgeting with his fingers. You sighed as you swirled the straw around the milkshake. "I don't dislike you as a human, I fucking despise what you did to me." You admitted.

"I've changed Y/N. I haven't been with any other girl, I haven't spoken with that other girl since then. Please just give me a break. I've been busy trying so fucking hard. I'm doing the best I can. Please, please don't ask more of me." JJ frowned, his leg now anxiously tapping.

You let out a scoff, but you couldn't lie to yourself. You missed being with JJ, you missed him so damn much, but you didn't want to admit it. Your eyes flickered to your friend who was standing up and giving Steve a kiss on the cheek. 

Their date was over, but you and JJ sat firmly in the booth. "Let me just drive you home like the good days, just hear me out." JJ begged. You cracked your knuckles, a habit you gained after the break up. "Fine. But so help me Maybank if you fuck it up you will never, I repeat ever come speak to me again." JJ let out a breath of relief and thanked you.

You couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of luck when he offered, glad that you chose to walk to the diner. You two sat in silence for a bit of the ride before JJ turned on the radio. 'Wonderwall' by Oasis played through the sound system, memories of this song hitting you in the face like a brick.

JJ began to obnoxiously shout the lyrics like he would when you guys went on drives together. He would roll the windows down, blast the volume and just let it all out.  At first you were annoyed with the boy, but as soon as he nudged you with his elbow you began shouting the lyrics as well. At that moment, things felt normal. Like nothing bad happened between them, and that scared you shitless.

When the song ended, JJ turned down the volume and began to speak, "you know, I never took your school photo out of my wallet. It's still there. And every night after... we broke up, I would just look at it and cry. Because I drank and I ended up losing the best thing I ever got in life. And believe me I know drinking is no excuse for what I did. I lost the one person that understood me more than my other friends, than myself. And I fucked it all up. And I know I can't take back what I did. Saying sorry won't change the hurt I made you feel. But I want you to know I'm truly trying my best to be a different person than who I was before." His voice was shaking as he found it hard to look at the road.

"I can try to forgive you Maybank, but that night has been burned into my memory. And it's gonna take a lot of time before I can forget it." You mumbled, looking out the window watching the trees zoom by.

"I'd wait 100 years if it meant that you would talk to me again." JJ muttered as he pulled into your driveway. "Do you.. want to come in? And like, catch up?" You wanted to punch yourself in the face for your offer, but again you couldn't deny how much you missed him.

JJ was shocked at your words, his mouth slightly open as he nodded his head. You walked into your house and to your luck, nobody was home.

You guys sat in your room, silence filling the air once again. You walked over to a picture frame on the desk and picked it up. The picture was of JJ after he had fallen asleep with his head in your llap. "Remember this night?" You asked as he looked over your shoulder.

"Yeah. I came over to make cupcakes for John B's birthday but we ended up just throwing flour and eggs at each other." JJ laughed loudly, remembering how he would find flour in his hair and ears for days after. "Then we sat on the couch and you laid your head in my lap. I played with your hair until you fell asleep and you snored so loud." You smiled at the memory.

"God I fucked up." He whispered. "Yeah. Yeah you did. When you sat across from me in the booth I wanted to flip my shit. I wanted to go off on you and say something like, 'oh fuck off you piece of shit. You think I care about you? That I give a damn about your feelings? Fuck off.' I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me." You confessed. 

"Damn Y/N. I- I don't even know what to say." JJ said as you faced him. You couldn't help but stare at his lips, the lips you craved so desperately. You hated yourself for this. You hated yourself for making this move, but you leaned in anyway and kissed him. You were taken back at your actions, but your knees nearly buckled at his touch.

JJ gently held the side of your face as he pulled back. "I don't want to hurt you." He said, his words echoing in your head. "I'm desperate. And I'm pretty sure you are too. This is a one time thing until you gain my trust back. But for now, just shut up and have sex with me."

[danceing-spelled-wrong]

Made a Grumpus OC

They're just one of few of them..not sure if I'll draw any of them, I drew them because..I'm bored

I have a grumpsona in mind..but I'm not finish with it's design

I guess I'll explain them

Amly Ductforce(I'm bad at names) came to Snaktooth island because they were bored and needed a vacation from their "job"

He's gender-fluid and doesn't mind people getting his pronouns wrong when he doesn't feel that gender, but some just call him a "They" and that's fine by him

One thing that she's really good at, is lying and stealing. When she came to Snaktooth Island, she started her hobby right away and stole some things from Wambus which got him pretty upset

He gives everyone nicknames despite not liking anyone besides Cromdo

She likes order yet enjoys chaos, sometimes, she would plant random objects that belong to the residents in each other's huts to start up something

When the town split, he went to the Boiling Bay due to the nice warm yet cold feel to it and because she wanted to steal stuff from Floofty

They're probably in their late 40s early 50s

Her and Cromdo get along for the most part as long as she doesn't steal anything from him

In their hut, they have a lot of stolen objects, most from Wambus

Their hut is beside Liz and Egg's hut but is to the right of the beach

If he was in the game, then you'd meet them the same time you meet Floofty

She doesn't like Lizbert because she always calls her out on the stuff she steals, same for Beffica

Due to his hatred to Lizbert, he shares the same hatred towards Eggabell but doesn't go out his way to steal from her, seeing her as too fragile

He's scared of Chandlo(because he would snap her like a twig), Shelda(because she acts like a cult leader), and Gramble(because he's too nice)

If they get caught stealing, they lie about it and theres a 90% chance it'll work due to their confident sounding voice and being a bit manipulative

Dialogue in game:

What everyone thinks of them

Filbo:

"Oh..them? They're..ok, as long as they don't cause any trouble.."

Wambus:

"...."

Beffica:

"She's just a thief, no wonder her and Cromdo work so well together, they're nothing but squeebs."

Gramble:

"I never spoke to him before..but..I don't think he likes me very much.."

Wiggle:

"She stole my banjo and said she wanted to play a song, but then she threw it off a cliff! I'm so glad I have fast reflexives."

Snorpy:

"All they do is steal stuff! Then lie about stealing that stuff! I haven't gotten my inventions back in 3 months!"

Cromdo:

"Ah..that grump is something all right..greatest business partner ever, she and I are gonna rule the money world!"

Triffany:

"Oh..Amly? I don't come in contact with her often but Wamby doesn't like her."

Chandlo:

"After they stole my balls AND Snorpy's inventions, I promised to never speak to them for the rest of my life bro!"

Floofty:

"I don't appreciate them stealing my leg or my notes. If given the chance, I would experiment on them."

Shelda:

"Do not speak of thy name who gladly would turn his back on us if given the chance!"

Cemi:

"Nope. I don't like her at all..she's not that attractive..and she hangs with Cromdo."

Charlia:

"I really don't like it when she tries to remove my arm..it hurts my feelings.."

Being asked about Floofty:

"I like stealing their stuff but if I offered to help them, I think they'll kill me."

Meeting them:

"Woah..a new face! I haven't seen anyone new around here in..grumping forever!"

"Who are ya and why are you talking to me?"

*explains*

"Oh! You're that amateur journalist Lizzie was talking about! I thought you were never coming, isn't this grand? New faces! New people! New stuff to..borrow!"

"I'm Amly Dustforce, the ruler of Snaktooth island!"

Will you come back to town?

"Wait..town? No way..if Cromy's not there, then I'm not going!"

"Also, I'm a little parched, can ya get me a Sqaquiri? I'd drink those things, everyday of the week, maybe we can..cut a deal, how's that sound doll?"

*Caught Sqaquiri*

"Now THAT was a refreshing beveridge, thanks doll!"

"So, ya want me to come back to town? Well, I might need some convincing, I want ya to find out what that Filbo kid does when nobody's lookin, I could use it for..things."

*You find out what Filbo does*

"HA! Are you serious?! Oh jezz, and I thought he couldn't be more of a squeeb! HAHA! Goodness..that's a laugh I needed..ha!"

"Good to know theres some things to see in town, but I'm more interested in WHAT is in town."

"For ya final task, I want ya to steal Beffica's diary..then rip out some pages that are interesting, and give them to me. Easy."

*You grab the pages*

"Sweet! Good job my messenger grump!"

"*sigh*, I think I'm ready to go to town..but..first I want you to get Cromy in town."

But you said that was the final task

"I lied."

"Get Cromy in town and I'll follow right behind, deal?"

*Cromdo is in town*

"Wow! That was..slow but it'll do!"

"Thanks doll, looking forward to chatting with ya! Farewell!"

Interview:

Have time for an interview?

"Interview? That sounds fun! I'm in."

Who are you?

"Amly Ductforce, it's pronounced Aim-ly. Strange. I know."

Why come to Snaktooth Island?

"I heard of Lizzie's stupid conspiracy on TV, I was about to change the channel when I heard there was an island involved, and I just so happened to be looking for a place to host my vacation. So I packed up and lied about being interested in her expedition."

Vacation from what?

"My life. My job. My family. Everything basically."

Thoughts on Bugsnax?

"I guess they're ok, the names could be better..but some taste pretty good. Note, keep away from the Aggroll."

Why?

"Because those things will break some bones and the flavor isn't even worth it! Also because it's named after someone I'm not found of."

Why did you leave town?

"I could handle the drama between Wamby and Gram, but once Cromy left, I had no reason to stay. I wanted to follow him, but I decided to live near the beach instead, so yeah."

What do you think about Cromdo?

"Me and him have a pretty decent relationship, I give him what he wants and he takes the fall for me. Simple business."

Are you planning on betraying him?

"No way, he's cool, I don't consider him a friend, but he's still great to work with."

Any info on Lizbert?

"Liz..I grumping hate her! She keeps saying I stole stuff from her, I would never do such a thing! If she didn't have that little obstacle beside her, I would burn her hut down!"

Woah, calm down. Who's this obstacle?

"I am calm..just speaking out my mind. And I'm talking about Eggabell. The doctor? Lizzie's girlfriend? Eggy bell? Yeah. She and her are like..two papers in a file. Theres nothing you can do to separate those two."

What happened to Lizbert?

"If we're being honest, I'm not sure."

Are you lying?

"Heh. For once in my life, no. I really don't know what happened to Lizzie, she went up that mountain and didn't come back."

How do you know she went up the mountain?

"I saw her."

Why didn't you tell anyone?

"I did. Nobody besides Cromy believed me, guess that's the price being the best liar in the world."

That'll be it. Thank you

"No problem doll, that was pretty fun! Here, have this!"

*stolen piece of journal paper*

"Found it while cleaning Lizzie's hurt, it might help ya in someway. Any who, I gotta run, farewell!"

Side Quests:

"Heya doll, you won't believe what I discovered! It'll help ya find Liz!"

What?

"First..get me a Poptick..it's very important."

Why?

"Trust me! It's super super SUPER important!

Sure, I guess

"Caramel please."

*Got the Poptick*

"Perfect..now..I need a Snaquiri.."

Are you going to tell me why?

"Nope. Make it quick! I have a feeling my brain's about to forget everyone!"

*Got the Snaquiri*

"Good..now..I need a Cheery, that'll be all to finish this!"

I have a feeling you're lying

"I'm hurt."

Fine.

"Hurry up! I'm losing my life force!"

*Got the Cheery*

"Alright..now-"

*silence*

What?

"That's it. I was just hungry."

Why did you say it was important

"There was no way you'd do it if I asked, so I just..slightly lied."

Slightly?!

"Calm down doll! Everything fine! Nobody got hurt.."

You have a lying problem

"I know..but I can't do anything about it, it's the only thing I got."

"When you're a liar, nobody wants to be around you, nobody likes you..and nobody will trust you."

"Ever since birth, I lied, stole, and broke so many things, nobody wants anything to do with me. I had no friend and my family kept saying I was a bad person..so I don't talk to them anymore."

"Lying is all I got left doll and if I stop, I got nothing. So I'm not stopping anytime soon, so deal with it."

"Thanks for the food..farewell."

Welcome back message:

"Oh..you're..back."

"Heya Wamby, didn't know you'd be back either! How sweet! The gangs coming back!"

"Amly, if you go near my farm-"

"What? Me? Go near your farm? No way! I would never!"

"Don't think that everyone things you're a saint! Only Cromdo thinks that!"

"I don't think I am one, but it's nice knowing you think so!"

"Just stay away from my farm."

"Deal. Happy catching up with you!"

Major Celebration Dialogue:

"You know, Cromby..maybe we should take a break from our business, we're making a few people upset by it."

"Agreed. What should we do to be occupied til then?"

"Hm..maybe we could sell Bugsnax? I could..borrow that trap the journalist uses."

"Yeah..yeah I like that idea!"

"It's settled! Cromy and Amly's marketing lives on!"

"We need a better name."

"Yeah.."

*approaching him*

"Heya doll, how's the party?"

*asked to dance*

"Sorry, but I'm working. Maybe when we sell out."

*sold out*

"Wow! That was quick, how's about a dance Cromy?"

"You bet! Meet you on the dance floor!"

Reaction to partner(I guess..he paired with Cromdo and Beff):

Cromdo: "Grumping..NO!"

Beffica: "Wait..no..what..what's going on?!"

Dying message:

"I'm nothing but a liar..a cold..worthless liar. I hurt so many people..no wonder I have no friends..at least I got bugsnax.."

Final message(Good ending):

"What the ever grump was all that?! Why..did...oh zonk who cares?We're alive! Ha ha! Amly lives to see a new day!

You know..after all of this..I think I'll finally turn over that new leaf..I'll quit my job..and start fresh in the country. I should also apologize to everyone I hurt, so..sorry doll, I stole your pen...

Geez that took a lot out of me! Ah! This'll be hard!

But..it feels..kinda nice..guess I shouldn't wait around..farewell, til we cross paths again, doll."

Final message(Bad ending)

"What..the grump? Cromdo..he's..gone. This..makes me..realize..our lives are so..fragile, I..shouldn't waste it..

Oh Cromdo..if I known that..I would have put myself in your place

At least..maybe we could be together..again

Business partners forever...ha.."

I over complicate everything

[willow-salix]

Day 2 of Isolation on Tracy Island 2.0 (Fluffember prompt : sky)

Day 2 of Isolation 2.0 on Tracy Island and...well I'll be honest, it's not been too bad yet. Everyone seems a lot more civilised than they were the first time, maybe because it's not as bad globally as it was back in… March was it? What year is this, do I still have my youth or have they sucked it out of me? 

Anyway, yes, they are better behaved than the first time, I guess because the shock's over with and it's been so long in a kind of half limbo that we're pretty used to it now. They spent the night trying to convince me that they had dragged me from my little witch cave for my benefit rather than theirs, they lie. 

Either way, they are slightly less rowdy, according to Jeff, slightly tidier, according to Grandma but still not at all self sufficient, according to John. 

I'd decided that, as I had little choice in the matter, I'd make the best of it. I strolled into the empty lounge, dropped my three bags on the floor, raised my arms and yelled at the top of my voice, "Honey, I'm home!" 

I don't know what I expected, maybe to be greeted enthusiastically, to have various family members run in from all directions, so happy and grateful to see me, I mean, I was pretty open to any display of affection, truth be told. 

But no, not one of them bothered to come and say hello. 

"I might as well go back home," I grumbled to Scott who had finished the post flight checks of One and ambled in after me. "I even brought snacks and I'm being ignored." 

"Snacks?" his hand was in the bag I indicated by kicking it with my toe before I'd even finished speaking. 

"Well, now I know why I was wanted," I sniffed. "Let me guess, food standards have slipped now that you've all eaten through the meals I left in the freezers last time I was here?" 

"That has nothing to do with why we wanted you," he assured me, flopping down on one of the couches with his pilfered bounty bar. He unwrapped the chocolate and bit into it, humming happily. "You always bring the best chocolate with you."

"Well, I don't like that American stuff you get," I dropped down beside him and stole the other half of the bar. 

"There's nothing wrong with American things," he argued. "Quality products from there."

My eyes slid sideways to look at him. "Dude, are you counting yourself as a quality product?" 

"Maybe," he didn't bother denying it. 

There wasn't much I could say to that really so I shifted the conversation. 

"Where are the other idiots?" 

He shrugged. 

"That's helpful, thanks." I sighed, resting my head back against the sofa. It was weird but this time really did feel so different, almost like it had been inevitable, we were just waiting for it to come.

"I'm not doing all the work this time," I warned him, "like, you guys are gonna have to step up, I refuse to be your maid and run around after you all like I did last time. New lockdown, new rules."

"We don't need a maid," he argued. "Is it so hard to believe that we just want you here so we're all together?" 

I shrugged, still feeling a bit like I'd been both blindsided and guilt tripped into it, not to mention feeling rather damp and itchy from the decontamination chamber Brains has forced me into. I told him that I'd been extra careful, that I'd been following the social distancing, yet he hadn't listened and still insisted that I needed to be blasted. 

"Here's the thing," he poked me to make sure I was listening. "Last time you were here to help us get through it. We were all feeling a bit helpless and frustrated and without you here distracting us and bossing us around, things would have been a lot worse. This time is different, this time it would be you stuck at home, we're still able to go out and do our jobs now, even though we're still getting fewer calls than normal and some countries aren't allowing entry, but because of that, as soon as your lockdown came in you would have been alone for a month."

"I think I could have handled that."

"Do you though, do you really?" 

I glanced at him, not detecting the teasing tone I had been expecting. Could I have handled it? So many people were stuck alone, unable to see their loved ones, their friends and family or to even go to work again. All the little things that make life more bearable and they had been taken away again. I like peace and quiet, but I knew he was right, being locked away, on my own for another month, maybe longer, it wouldn't actually be good for me.

"Admit it, you love us, you'd miss us."

"I admit nothing," but he was right, I would. I hadn't really thought about it, I guess that's what everyone is doing, trying not to think about it all too much but, while the thought of having a month at home, in peace and quiet sounded like a dream, I wouldn't actually want it. 

"You're back!" Alan yelled, cannonballing onto the sofa from parts unknown. 

"I guess so," I conceded, trying not to melt when he squished up beside me and stole the chocolate I'd been eating. 

"Do you mind?" I asked, purely because I felt I had to, not for any real need to tell him off. 

"Nope," he grinned, popping the bounty in his mouth. 

"Wait, that's…coconut," I trailed off as he gagged, looking for somewhere to spit it out. I handed him a tissue from my bag and he gratefully emptied his mouth. 

"This is going to be hell, isn't it?" I asked no one in particular. 

"Probably," Scott agreed, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "But at least we'll all be together."

"Joy," I muttered but I did hug him back. 

"Are you going to keep a diary this time, too?" Alan asked, having recovered a bit. 

"I might," I hedged, not telling him that I'd started yesterday. "But I'm not doing it alone this time, you're all going to help me. Deal?" 

"Deal," he agreed. 

Gradually a few more wandered in, mostly to pick through my luggage like the vulture that they are, knowing that this time I had been wise enough to bring the contents of my fridge and half my cupboards with me. 

Gordon yoinked my pringles, Alan took my milkshake, Virgil helped himself to my chocolate chip cookies. 

"Hi," the normally beloved voice said behind me. 

I didn't turn around. "I blame you for the fact that I'm here again, you know that, right?" 

"Yep," John dropped down beside me on the couch, lifting his arm for me to snuggle under. 

"Cuddles will not make up for this betrayal," I warned him, not that it stopped me from taking advantage of it. Any Tracy in a storm and all that, plus this one might be the best, though I am slightly biased. 

"We appreciate your sacrifice," he told me solemnly. "And to show our appreciation, we organised a little something."

"You did?" Did I sound sceptical? I believe I did. 

"We did!" Alan joined in. "We did some research and found that it's traditional to eat baked potatoes and chilli tonight."

"It is?" I frowned, wracking my brains as to what the heck he was talking about. I was also slightly worried about who had done the cooking. 

"Yes," John got up, dragging me to my feet and propelled me towards the windows. He nodded to Virgil, who messaged Brains, saying something I couldn't hear. 

As one, all the other idiots surrounded us, all looking up, heads tipped back expectantly, like baby birds awaiting food. 

"What are we doing?" I asked, completely confused. 

"It's November 5th," Scott answered. "Remember, remember the 5th of November." 

Oooooh. I didn't have time to answer as the first rocket shot up into the air, exploding in a burst of colour and sound, lighting up the dark night sky... 

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids

ihatemyguts: Hey, who's about today? brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 ihatemyguts: Uncanny brainpain: I know ihatemyguts: Artistic endeavors keeping you busy? brainpain: [a selfie of her dramatic 🌈 makeup aesthetic] ihatemyguts: Okay but I'm gonna need a tutorial ihatemyguts: I never even mastered lipstick brainpain: I'll hook you up brainpain: check your private msgs ihatemyguts: 👍🙏 ihatemyguts: if my face is gonna be 🌚 from now on, it should really look pretty ihatemyguts: #juststeroidthings brainpain: it's a good face brainpain: + if I can rock a half shaved head with my brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 brainpain: not a time to still be alive brainpain: LMAO ihatemyguts: no doubt you rocked it so well everyone thought it was a choice brainpain: you gotta act like you're starting a 🌚 worshipping cult brainpain: I'll do a tutorial for that brainpain: full face of silver ihatemyguts: I can get down with that ihatemyguts: 🙌🌊🩸🐺🙌 ihatemyguts: am here on a bit of a recruitment mission, actually brainpain: my housemates & I are all synced 🩸 wise so you'd be doing me a favour, newbie brainpain: living battle royale over here brainpain: not trying to recruit you to fight to the death by my side though, we're good brainpain: what's the job? ihatemyguts: That sounds delightful, man ihatemyguts: also lowkey how has that never happened, not even with my ma ihatemyguts: clearly just that cold and standoffish she's like nah ihatemyguts: maybe I should wait 'til Zach is here too 'cos it was kinda his idea but if I give cred now, we're all good and I can take the blame if it's a big nope brainpain: you're still a 👶 not even gonna be synced with yourself yet brainpain: hold up I'll drag him by his curls brainpain: out there having a life like a real boy 😤 ihatemyguts: 😂 ihatemyguts: he'll get tricked into going to a weird Funland island and get turned into a donkey for his crimes, it's okay brainpain: sounds lit brainpain: [inandout has entered the chat] inandout: 🤥 ihatemyguts: How's your conscience? ihatemyguts: 🦗🦗🦗 inandout: 💎 clear ihatemyguts: 🤨 suspect inandout: you're not my wine mum inandout: or vodka aunt ihatemyguts: How rude ihatemyguts: Put some respect on your cult leader inandout: 🙇🙏 inandout: no food offerings ihatemyguts: safe bet gotspoons: 👋 I'm here! gotspoons: having a great day today, actually got energy, whaaaa?! 😲🤭 inandout: quick! float the idea while she's on cloud 9 gotspoons: You make me sound like an ogre, Zach 😜 gotspoons: what's going on? brainpain: Princess ogre ihatemyguts: Fiona ihatemyguts: v chic ihatemyguts: anyway, as we're all 👍 besides battle royale 🩸 ihatemyguts: we was thinking, and talking 'bout, a potential meetup ihatemyguts: thought we'd float it, see what y'all 💭 brainpain: I've got a 🍳 I'm 👍 + in ihatemyguts: which princess is that? one with crazy long hair, I 👀 it ihatemyguts: it could be cool, yeah? and why not, we'd have to make sure everyone who wants to can obvs or what's the point but apart from that brainpain: Princess me, unless the bleach makes it all fall out 😬 brainpain: [a very her style location] 📌🌎 inandout: we're not doing it there gotspoons: This is the problem, guys 😩 gotspoons: it would be really awesome but there is SO much planning you'd have to do to make it safe for everyone gotspoons: and picking a place for everyone that meets all the requirements inandout: we're willing to do all that inandout: planning + safety stuff ihatemyguts: totally ihatemyguts: like we could even go to a park or somewhere totally neutral ihatemyguts: or see if we can find some council-owned hall or something, 'cos places like that HAVE to be accessible ihatemyguts: I don't mind calling around and I bet Rich knows lots, and you will think of ALL the ways to keep EVERYONE safe and happy, right Rosie? brainpain: where I used to have support group would actually work brainpain: [a decent location that's like a community centre of something] ihatemyguts: 🙌 that looks legit ihatemyguts: if we explain what we're tryna do, bet they won't even charge us brainpain: I've got a hook up as ⭐ pupil brainpain: had my pick of those circle of chairs tigerbalm: 🙀🙀🙀🙀 tigerbalm: are we REALLY going to be able to meet up in person?! inandout: possibly gotspoons: How are we going to do this, IF we can gotspoons: you have to think about food and drink and seating and how we'd cover that, even if they did give us the venue for free inandout: I'm great with funds, it's assumed and expected gotspoons: but is that fair? gotspoons: I know some of us have none or very little inandout: I won't charge any of you a fee to come through the doors inandout: not that Jewish gotspoons: Oh, Zach! ihatemyguts: 🤑 is an accessibility issue, this should be a service, it should exist for free ihatemyguts: but it doesn't ihatemyguts: so if we can do this for ourselves, and offer it for free, for as little expense as possible ihatemyguts: maybe people will pull their finger out and consider actually doing their job ihatemyguts: you can write about it on your blog, get the word out brainpain: I'll fund-raise on stream, I've got your backs, nerds ihatemyguts: Right? High🖐 ihatemyguts: it's for US, so all of us that can, will put money into it ihatemyguts: no pressure on the ones that can't, fuck that, if anyone is gonna be that arsehole then they aren't welcome, yeah? tigerbalm: my parents have a people carrier, cos of course they do, but my creepy uncle won't be invited if any of y'all need rides ihatemyguts: 🤩🤩🤩 gotspoons: I'm going to do some research gotspoons: A LOT of research gotspoons: I would hate for anything to happen to anyone is this group tigerbalm: Where's Rich? tigerbalm: he would love to be on the front lines about this gotspoons: He would be a big help gotspoons: I feel like he had a uni thing today, an open day or something like that??? gotspoons: ugh my memory letting me down AS PER tigerbalm: how exciting! tigerbalm: I'll have to quiz him when he shows gotspoons: I know! gotspoons: He always checks in though, he'll be here later brainpain: Moving on, for those of us too brain damaged for further education gotspoons: 😔 brainpain: just me & my raging hormones LOL brainpain: he'll be such a happy nerd gotspoons: that's for sure gotspoons: he'll probably know so many answers to our questions already enablednotdisabled: I thought this group existed in lieu of an in-person group? brainpain: sup dude, it does enablednotdisabled: wouldn't it be potentially exclusionary to take this offline then? enablednotdisabled: realistically, there will be some of us who simply cannot get there inandout: if you wanna get there, we'll make it happen inandout: facetime you in if nothing else works enablednotdisabled: I'm not talking for myself, just others who might not feel confident enough to inandout: collective "you" inandout: we've all got phones enablednotdisabled: I just feel like this group can be quite us vs. them at times enablednotdisabled: hard to get heard if you aren't in the core group tigerbalm: There isn't a core group tigerbalm: everyone is listened to & respected enablednotdisabled: With all due respect, you are a part of it enablednotdisabled: so, of course, you feel that way enablednotdisabled: I'm not suggesting you can't break off and do your own thing, but the main chat of this forum that is meant to be for all of us, isn't the place for it brainpain: this group is what you make it, man brainpain: + the main chat brainpain: hit us with a topic you wanna talk about whenever inandout: it was brought up here so everyone knows they're invited ihatemyguts: I'm new and everyone I've found has been really receptive and welcoming to whatever I've had to say ihatemyguts: it sucks that you've not had that experience yourself but no one here is excluding you right now, least of all Robyn enablednotdisabled: There's a definite atmosphere here, whether you want to acknowledge it or not enablednotdisabled: the guidelines of what is expected and what is acceptable need to be clearer enablednotdisabled: and the moderators, who I've never actually witnessed in chat, should be quicker to put people on the right track, making this more therapeutic/beneficial to all, ban people if necessary brainpain: If you 🔎 hard enough for an atmosphere, it's findable brainpain: when you come in with a definite attitude of your own that's not gonna help none gotspoons: There's no need for us to have an argument, this is supposed to be a positive space gotspoons: if you have a complaint you'd like to make @enablednotdisabled, there is a link to contact the mods directly gotspoons: but I'd be happy to talk to you, privately if you'd prefer, and then we can take it from there? enablednotdisabled: I can handle my own complaints, thanks enablednotdisabled: and this isn't a positive space for me, and plenty other people I've talked to gotspoons: It hurts me to hear that, I'm really sorry and steps do need to be taken to attempt to rectify that then handicapable: I agree, it's cliquey here, unless you're one of the 'popular kids' or core group as @enablednotdisabled said, nobody cares handicapable: @ihatemyguts may be new but her finding a way in doesn't mean the walls aren't there for the rest of us handicapable: I barely log in any more gotspoons: Then let's tackle this culture head on gotspoons: do either of you have suggestions on how we could go about that, so I'm not dominating the conversation handicapable: You're not the one who dominates the conversation ihatemyguts: Don't think we need to @ people with specific comments like that ihatemyguts: not speaking for myself brainpain: @ me, baby brainpain: At least then I could defend myself brainpain: 🤐 though ihatemyguts: You've got the floor, like tigerbalm: It's not a safe space for Lauren if she can't say what she wants to say at risk of being accused of dominating the chat tigerbalm: either you want people to feel listened to or you don't ihatemyguts: And yeah, I am new, but I know Lauren, or anyone else in the chat rn, would not shoot you down if you wanted to change topic enablednotdisabled: It's about who always seems to be dictating the topic enablednotdisabled: we could change it, but then you feel like an interloper ihatemyguts: The conversation has to start somewhere, by someone ihatemyguts: @handicapable admitted to barely logging in now, of course the people who are here more will talk more, that's a given, it doesn't mean you're not allowed to contribute or come in to the convo ihatemyguts: there's no way to avoid that...prompts? mods only? that's not natural, or practical inandout: bible quotes inandout: 1 Peter 5:10 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Why are we quoting scripture? inandout: Lauren's been here for like 2 years but suddenly she's a disruptive force tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well that's bullshit tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: unless you're a incel on her stream brainpain: you know me brainpain: how was your open day, babe? brainpain: (unless I'm a domineering b word for asking) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Decent, despite the fact no one was expecting the wheelchair kid tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: despite the fact I called ahead tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you can dominate me all you want but let me catch up with this apparent shitstorm I've missed brainpain: what a sexy proposition brainpain: I knew I'd missed you enablednotdisabled: Right, that's that conversation over then enablednotdisabled: 👌 brainpain: come on, man ihatemyguts: This is ridiculous ihatemyguts: people have formed meaningful relationships here, they're not allowed to acknowledge that in case someone feels left out, if you've talked to plenty of other people about the state of this forum, then clearly you've formed deeper bonds with them too ihatemyguts: no one here begrudges you that ihatemyguts: you're bound to get on with certain people over others, there's nothing discriminatory about that, it's to be expected tigerbalm: Like, are we supposed to take everything to PMs now? Cos I wanna hear about Rich's open day too but maybe he doesn't wanna type everything out to separate people lots of separate times ihatemyguts: ^You're just being rude, for the sake of it ihatemyguts: Rosie has offered to privately message about this, or you can put it all in an email to the mods tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: literally, 'we' (I'll include myself in this core group that you see, even if I don't see that as a valid argument), have done nothing to you two, have never excluded either of you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: everyone here is welcoming, and was welcoming you before your complaints tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: which aren't rooted in anything I can see as factual tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: what's the actual issue here? you're just hitting out buzzwords handicapable: and you're just jumping to the defence of the girl you like flirting with brainpain: Whoa now! That's not all I am in here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: See, that's multiple times you've personally made jabs at Lauren tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: none of us have made any comments on you two personally tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it seems like you're more cliquey than us if you can't see her as a valued member of the group brainpain: I'm not gonna leave cos you want on Rich for being hot af brainpain: shoutout to the new girl for letting that be known though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thank you, m'dear (somewhere between 🎩 and 🧢) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but thanks for implying I'm so desperate that I'd flirt with a girl I'd never seen before @handicapable tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: things are not quite that bad, I can assure you inandout: we're all that desperate, where have we heard that before? inandout: @normal people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't deserve any relationships that are deeper than strictly clinical and professional inandout: which is why we don't need to talk to any one person more than once tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shout your grievances into the void and move on tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but don't be too depressing about it ihatemyguts: This group doesn't work, you're right, just not for the reasons you're giving ihatemyguts: but we're all welcome to do what we must about making it work, even if I disagree with yours personally ihatemyguts: at least we try, and if you view us as an 'us' then you also view yourself as a group ihatemyguts: which isn't how I see it, or it's meant to be ihatemyguts: it's a group as a whole inandout: I wanted to organise a meet up to make things cooler inandout: sometimes you don't wanna shout shit into the void inandout: you wanna look someone in the eye when you're talking to them inandout: so you don't have to feel othered ihatemyguts: ^^ inandout: I get to do things with all my other friends inandout: that's what you guys are tigerbalm: I don't have other friends, I'm not saying it to make anyone 😿 tigerbalm: but I don't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you've got us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't need to apologize for being friends tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I think meeting up is a really good idea, I'll be happy to help brainpain: It's okay, Robyn, none of us have done anything wrong gotspoons: I've contacted the moderators, I'll let you know when I get a response brainpain: I did too ✌️ gotspoons: Good, everyone who feels they need to, should gotspoons: I'm glad your open-day went well, Rich brainpain: me too, hot 🤓 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thanks, guys tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's got potential tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: once I get there and make some changes, of course tigerbalm: 🙌 You go, Rich! 🧡 tigerbalm: not to use a banned word but you do inspire me for when I get to uni myself tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: We'll allow it, well I will because I love a compliment tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and you'll be great when you do tigerbalm: I hope my parents won't make me stay local tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If you don't want to, you shouldn't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: don't let anything stop you tigerbalm: I'll try not to tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when you need them, I can throw all the resources and info at you tigerbalm: thanks brainpain: Can we talk about me now cos that's the ONLY reason I'm here LMAO ihatemyguts: @Zach, gonna come at her with your famous line? inandout: you've built it up now ihatemyguts: 🙄 ugh, baby inandout: are we at pet names? cool ihatemyguts: 😂 shut up ihatemyguts: but don't, all voices welcome inandout: yours is dragon ball z inandout: for today ihatemyguts: romantic ihatemyguts: we're meant to be talking about Lauren inandout: Lauren's is low blow ihatemyguts: got a real talent, kid ihatemyguts: may as well do the entire group inandout: wouldn't wanna exclude anyone ihatemyguts: 😏 ihatemyguts: no one will be devastated about that, trust me inandout: damn inandout: or dang ihatemyguts: is that another group rule I've shamelessly flouted? 😬 brainpain: It's a me rule, dragon ball brainpain: you're safe in this safe space ihatemyguts: I'll do my best to mind my Ps & Qs ihatemyguts: 🤞 brainpain: you're fine I'm just aware of my 👵 status brainpain: don't wanna spook the 👶s ihatemyguts: thoughtful ihatemyguts: 👌 brainpain: who knew? brainpain: check me out, not being a huge b word ihatemyguts: honestly, disappointing brainpain: @ my exes ihatemyguts: they aren't here, are they ihatemyguts: @fibro not included brainpain: only my next brainpain: when I snag Rich for myself brainpain: gotta tame that playboy ihatemyguts: so many 💔💔💔 @ this news brainpain: long as you're not brainpain: he's too old for you, babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I feel used tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and yes, much too 👴 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: be your ex-husband at this rate brainpain: I'm not gonna say, you can use me too, in front of the children brainpain: but mutual love & respect, boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shocking behaviour, Mrs brainpain: asking for discipline would also be over the line, sir gotspoons: OKAY gotspoons: putting a stop to this convo thank you gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: have I covered it? brainpain: g dang it, Rich! Have I not been involved in enough controversy for one day? brainpain: turn away from me, you sexy beast gotspoons: you're very cute but terrible gotspoons: ogre princess putting her foot down on this one tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'll take the blame tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: rushing to your defense again brainpain: 😍 ihatemyguts: sure wish someone would run in and change the topic ihatemyguts: it's like mum and dad have had too much 🍷 inandout: could be a prime time for you to ask Robbie on your first date, dbz ihatemyguts: Oh yeah! 💡 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 💘 is in the air tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: careful, Zach ihatemyguts: Robyn, have you decided what you're gonna wear to your party yet? tigerbalm: I have a moodboard tigerbalm: would you like to see it? ihatemyguts: Um, absolutely tigerbalm: [that moodboard] ihatemyguts: So, you'd be up for going into town to try-on stuff, right? ihatemyguts: I can think of some shops with some unique stuff tigerbalm: 😺!!! ihatemyguts: Is that a yes 😺 or a I'm calling the police 😺? tigerbalm: I'd love to tigerbalm: my parents might call the police though ihatemyguts: that's alright, I've given you a fake name tigerbalm: they would think so tigerbalm: but their name choices are pretty boring ihatemyguts: at least you've got a super cute name ihatemyguts: if it'd make them feel better though, I'll come meet them or whatever tigerbalm: oh thanks x2 tigerbalm: that's so nice ihatemyguts: 'course ihatemyguts: who doesn't like shopping? inandout: I don't inandout: that much ihatemyguts: that'll be why you didn't ask yourself inandout: I would never third wheel your date inandout: very uncool ihatemyguts: well, if anyone does wanna come along, that'd be alright brainpain: happy to invite myself into any convo or situation ihatemyguts: 🤓 or 😎 ihatemyguts: you could do our makeup ihatemyguts: because not joking about the trainwreck it is when I do ihatemyguts: 🤡 not the theme brainpain: to avoid a spooky 🤡 resurge brainpain: I shall gotspoons: 😱😱😱😱 gotspoons: I hate clowns tigerbalm: SAME! my brothers love the 🤡🎈 films but I can't watch 🙀 gotspoons: Nooooooo gotspoons: even the advert was scary tigerbalm: ever since I went to the 🎪🐘🤡🍿 as a child I'm like traumatised inandout: once I got dragged along when my parents went shopping for a sofa and there was a clown there inandout: as a mascot or something gotspoons: 😭 THAT'S HORRIFYING inandout: fever dreams are made of this inandout: he kept trying to ruffle my hair ihatemyguts: definitely a bad omen ihatemyguts: that clown was there to warn you about...something inandout: I'm not classing it as a date though, you still get to go first inandout: the warning'll simply be my impending death ihatemyguts: your first bad omen ihatemyguts: n'awh inandout: cute, right? ihatemyguts: 🐭 🐹 🐰 inandout: 🐿🦔 ihatemyguts: 🦄 brainpain: sure, I'll chaperone you two brainpain: ✨ ihatemyguts: result brainpain: arms length, Zachary gotspoons: I feel like I'm on a dating site brainpain: there'd be way more fibros if we were gotspoons: I've never even attempted to date gotspoons: such a minefield brainpain: if you change your mind, I'll get my sister to list off which ones to avoid brainpain: she feeds me a new spooky story weekly gotspoons: see, it's bad enough without the added 'who I am' drama brainpain: get yourself a love interest with more 🚑💊💉 drama than you, that's what I do brainpain: you're the chill one by comparison gotspoons: Rich is still here lurking, you know 🤭 brainpain: he knows what we have is deep + meaningful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👌 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: very serious brainpain: I'm coaching Rosie for her first venture into dating not discussing our lengthy but ultimately doomed love affair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: doomed because 💀💀 or doomed because someone will join the group with ultimate 🚑💊💉 drama and better hair? brainpain: @Zach with that death clock bs brainpain: doomed cos you'll meet a hot 🤓 at uni brainpain: nobody has better hair than either of us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay then, I won't be pre-offended and call you out on that nonsense brainpain: that isn't a promise that you'll still have time for me brainpain: we're all waiting, Rich tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depends how hot and how nerdy this university girl is, of course brainpain: Profess your undying love for me or get out, honestly tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie will shut it down again brainpain: 😉 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: She's a hater 💔 gotspoons: 😱 Rich! gotspoons: I'm very supportive brainpain: LOL gotspoons: 😥 gotspoons: I love love brainpain: you're a 🧸 brainpain: I love you, Rosemary brainpain: feel free to ignore my husband gotspoons: I ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 you all too gotspoons: even if you test my nerves sometimes, it's only in a good way 😅 tigerbalm: So, if one of us had  a 'normal' crush, would that be doomed? tigerbalm: asking for a friend 😳 gotspoons: OF COURSE NOT gotspoons: you're beautiful gotspoons: spill spill! tigerbalm: there isn't much to say except his running route goes past my house tigerbalm: we've 👋 at each other but no conversation has happened gotspoons: HOW EXCITING ihatemyguts: You've gotta talk to him ihatemyguts: such a meet-cute tigerbalm: I have no idea what I would say ihatemyguts: a hello to go with the 👋 to start ihatemyguts: you'll know what to do tigerbalm: a 'how are you?' to follow but what then? ihatemyguts: something like...you run this route often? ihatemyguts: do you run anywhere else? ihatemyguts: are you single? tigerbalm: 🐱 gotspoons: Oh! gotspoons: What does he look like? gotspoons: Can you take a picture? gotspoons: No, perhaps not gotspoons: I've got snap happy now 😅 tigerbalm: I'll try if I can do it without anyone else noticing tigerbalm: it's okay if my cat judges me, but no humans tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I cannot officially endorse this behaviour, ladies tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I'm sure he would be very flattered and consider himself lucky, Robyn tigerbalm: Oh Rich, you're such a big softie 😸 brainpain: LMAO brainpain: forget the boy, I want pics of your cat tigerbalm: [cat pics] 🧡 inandout: that is a potentially judgemental looking moggy, be careful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: girl or boy? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: he or she is very distinguished looking, I feel tigerbalm: me & my mum were feeling outnumbered, so she got adopted too tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: fight the power ✊ tigerbalm: I have rabbits too but they would probably encourage me, they're pretty naughty tigerbalm: for fairness tigerbalm: [rabbit pics] brainpain: I had 🐭🐭 as a kid brainpain: LOVED those critters brainpain: [picture of kiddo Lauren with mice on her shoulders] ihatemyguts: I wish I was allowed pets with fur ihatemyguts: scales only inandout: I'm not either inandout: my brother's allergic ihatemyguts: maybe we have the same brother ihatemyguts: slightly concerned now inandout: yours isn't as old as mine, we know that inandout: unless some kind of freaky time loop or something has happened ihatemyguts: I'm you in a parallel universe inandout: before I agree to co-sign, do you have any pets with scales? ihatemyguts: 🐉 🐲 inandout: cool inandout: I accept our parallel lives ihatemyguts: [pics of your dragons 'cos probably have one each lowkey] inandout: if I'm the only petless one in the "core" I will have to hang my head ihatemyguts: you can have joint custody ihatemyguts: don't worry inandout: pet names + a pet share? What a day ihatemyguts: v generous inandout: I'm making that discovery ihatemyguts: 🎁🔍 inandout: I wish we were doing a treasure hunt inandout: that's gonna be date 4 ihatemyguts: challenge accepted ihatemyguts: you gotta find the treasure outside then rehide it though ihatemyguts: more fun inandout: rules accepted ihatemyguts: if you happen to find 💰💎🏺🧭🔮🧿📿 then we'll bury it inandout: what happens if I find a 🗝? ihatemyguts: #5 finding the 🚪 or 🔓 it fits brainpain: Wait, how many dates am I chaperoning you 👶🤓s for? brainpain: gotta find a ✏️ to write this down ihatemyguts: technically, Zach wants to wait 'til he's not 🔞 ihatemyguts: unless you're well dedicated to protect and serve ihatemyguts: also plenty of time to lose that 📄 inandout: don't listen to her, the first date is Robbie's party and we've all 📅 ihatemyguts: might be a double date ihatemyguts: 💃🏃 tigerbalm: I'm so happy that you're both coming! tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Of course they're not missing the event of the season tigerbalm: 😸😺 tigerbalm: I better plan some more tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It is your forte tigerbalm: compliments are yours tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and hair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: humility, less so brainpain: I can vouch for that being why we're soulmates tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's the way you can dominate a conversation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: like a girl with something to say brainpain: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Tease brainpain: you'd be into it if I were tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: now she speaks 🤫 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If Rosie isn't sleeping she'll be 😖 brainpain: I know how to behave, you're the bad influence here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Gladly take that reputation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: much worse could be said about me brainpain: catch that 2nd wave of drama when the haters log back in tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I hope so brainpain: only cos you missed the kick off tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Not taking politics for nothing brainpain: they can 🔫 @ me if it means you get your 🎓 babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: long as I can 🛡 without being fibro about it brainpain: you did tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👍 gotspoons: I was thinking gotspoons: maybe if we make more boards for specific topics, that would be better? gotspoons: then the chat could be just that, a casual chat that isn't necessarily disability related but us related, as people gotspoons: what do you guys think? brainpain: I'm in inandout: me too inandout: I was gonna make a similar suggestion but it was my last idea that started everything earlier gotspoons: It's not your fault, Zach gotspoons: I just need to do some admin, update the site tigerbalm: I can help if you need any gotspoons: Thanks, Robbie