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not-wholly-unheroic · 4 years ago

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Viewing Disney’s Peter Pan Through the Eyes of an Adult

Recently, I’ve seen several posts floating around talking about how Disney’s Hook is difficult for people to take seriously and is much too comical for what Barrie had intended. I grew up with Disney’s Hook. He was my first introduction to the character and the reason why I became interested in reading classic literature, writing fanfic, and seriously delving into the analysis of complex villainous/antagonistic characters, so he has a very special place in my heart and I’m prone to be quick to defend him. Rather than writing a long-winded reply to these individual posts, I decided to just make my own explaining why Disney’s Hook can be viewed as just as tragic and sympathetic as any other version. (You can also read some of my earlier posts defending Disney’s Hook here and here.)

*takes a deep breath* *cracks knuckles* Buckle up kiddos! You’re in for a long ride!

My view of Disney’s Hook as a tragic character lies primarily in my sympathy for him when he switches from a proud, elegant, dangerous character to a shivering mess of a man when the crocodile comes around. Let me attempt to elaborate--but first, a bit of a necessary digression.

Every film/book/play, etc. can be viewed from several perspectives. Typically, there is one character that we are meant to like and who becomes the primary focus of the story. Anyone who opposes that character is automatically an antagonist, if not a villain. Usually, even if the point of view is omniscient, we can still tell that it is not, perhaps, entirely objective in its portrayal of certain characters. This sort of situation happens all the time on the evening news--the interviewer is, in theory, supposed to be a neutral reporter on an incident, but it is often obvious that they favor one side of an issue over another, and as a result, the public's view of the situation and those involved is skewed. The lens through which we view a certain character tends to do the same thing. For instance, in Les Miserables (another favorite story of mine), Javert is viewed as an antagonist because the book is primarily concerned with the redemption story of Valjean; however, if the story was flipped and instead focused on the inspector's character and his transition from a strict legalist to a man so broken by the idea of morality that he commits suicide, he would, perhaps, be viewed instead as a tragic HERO instead of a tragic ANTAGONIST. Javert likely does many GOOD things in the name of the law as well during his career, but we don't see most of them because he isn't the main focus of the book. Similarly, I think Disney’s Hook can be more greatly appreciated as TRAGIC instead of COMICAL when we consider the lens through which we are viewing him.

Disney has always been geared toward children, so naturally, when they tell a story, they want the material to be attractive to a younger audience. This means not only that certain more frightening or upsetting elements of a story may be left out, edited, or altogether changed, but also that WE VIEW THE CHARACTERS THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD. (For example, in The Little Mermaid, King Triton's opposition to Ariel going to the surface world is presented in such a way that he seems extremely harsh when, in reality, he is father trying to keep his daughter safe. True, he DOES overreact, but remember, Ariel is only sixteen--not even LEGALLY an adult--and wants to run off with some guy she hasn’t even had a conversation with. But kids can relate to overbearing parents who, in a moment of disagreement, seem like they are being "mean," so that is how the audience sees Triton.) Peter Pan, especially, with its protagonist(s) as a child/children, really magnifies this perspective to the point where, unfortunately, some of the characters become almost caricatures of themselves. When children are legitimately afraid of something, they react one of two ways: Either they run from it/avoid it altogether, or they make-believe that whatever is frightening them is actually a lot less terrifying than it is so that they appear brave. I remember when I was younger, I used to be TERRIFIED of Monstro, the whale from Pinocchio. I couldn't watch the film without getting nightmares. But I didn't want to be afraid of watching the movie, so with my overactive imagination, I decided that I could fix that by turning him into a less scary version of himself and making him into an imaginary friend who more closely resembled Willy the anthropomorphic opera-singing whale from Make Mine Music than the terrifying creature we see in Pinocchio. Anyway, getting back to the point--I overcame my fear of the character by choosing to imagine that he was less scary than he was. This is what a lot of children do, and I think it's why Disney's Hook comes off as being comical.

The first time we see Disney Hook on screen, he actually comes across as pretty terrifying. He literally shoots his own crew member just because he didn't like the guy's singing! Rarely do we actually see Disney villains successfully kill another character on screen, but Hook does not even five minutes into his introduction. Immediately, we get the impression (or at least, a child should get the impression), that Hook is a genuinely dangerous guy. He also seems to regard his loss of a hand as "a childish prank," which further gives us the impression that he apparently has a pretty high pain tolerance and isn't afraid to do horrible, gruesome things to his enemies. If chopping someone's hand off is "childish," then what sort of serious damage does he inflict on his victims? However, this is Disney, and rather than having Hook gut someone or do something else which might scar a kid for life, we soon see he has a weakness...the crocodile. At this point, the Darling kids have been watching Hook for several minutes from their perch up on the cloud and are, probably, starting to have some second thoughts about fighting real pirates when they seem so scary...so what do they do? They do the same thing I did and turn him into a less-scary version of himself. They find his weakness and latch onto it. And since we're viewing things primarily from their perspective, that's how WE start to see Hook too. Hook's fear of the crocodile becomes comical for the audience because the Darling kids are trying to focus on that aspect of him so that they are can forget how terrifying he really is. We see this more frightening side of Hook come out a few more times, such as when he plans to blow up Pan's hideout...and at this point, we even catch a brief glimpse of the more sinister part of Smee when he asks Hook if it wouldn't be more humane for them to slit his throat...AND THIS IS SMEE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!!! The LEAST frightening of the pirates in ANY version. But I think Disney throws this in just to remind us that Smee is still a pirate, and if HE'S willing to do something THAT bad, Hook is a thousand times worse. However, for the most part, Hook still remains a rather softened, comical version of himself because we are viewing him through the child-lens. Remove that lens, though, and things become more complicated.

Forget, for a moment, that we are supposed to be rooting for the Darling children and Pan, and look again--not as a frightened child who is trying to laugh in the face of danger but as an adult who can feel Hook's pain. I remember one time when I was driving back from the airport in a busy city in the dark and the road was icy...I'm not used to driving in ice, and I'm a naturally nervous driver...At one point, I skidded into the next lane... I literally spent about the next hour hyperventilating, practically rocking myself back and forth, praying, and trying not to cry because I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to see the road. It was horrible... Take that sort of feeling, and I believe it's what Disney Hook is experiencing when the crocodile shows up. Through the "child-lens" it may be funny to see a frightening character in a vulnerable situation, but viewing it as an adult who understands just HOW helpless and terrified one feels in such a situation, you can't help but empathize with Hook. Every move he makes, every tremble in his voice, every look of absolute horror in his eyes tells you that he is not mentally or physically really functioning at the moment. He's on autopilot--he's in survival mode like a wild animal that freezes in hopes that it won't be seen by the approaching predator. Take away the crocodile's obviously silly "theme-music" and Hook's slightly overdone expressions, and you're left with something similar to what we see Hook experience in the novel near the end of the chapter, "The Pirate Ship." ("Very frightful was it to see the change that came over him. It was as if he had been clipped at every joint. He fell in a little heap...he crawled on his knees along the deck as far from the sound that he could go...'Hide me,' he cried hoarsely.") Now we can start appreciating him for the tragic villain that he is supposed to be.

Viewed through the eyes of the Darling children, Hook represents all that is frightening and bad about the grown-up world. If Peter is ice cream parties and summer vacations and catching fireflies in the dark, then Hook is cancer and broken dreams and being worried about being able to make enough money to put food on the table. Barrie, however, tells us that there is much more to both characters than that. Peter has a dark side--a selfish streak that forgets all pain at the cost of never learning from the past, never growing from his experiences and becoming a better person. He is stagnant not only in physically growing up but also in mentally facing reality, which is just as damaging as Hook's attitude of regretting a childhood apparently gone too soon. Hook, too, has a lighter side that loves soft music and flowers and other such things (representative of the good things about being an adult--falling in love, pursuing one's passions in a professional sense, having children of one's own). Disney, of course, doesn't quite do this to the same extent as Barrie since we're given a skewed view of the characters, but it DOES still make a few points which, when stripped of the "child-lens" effect, gives off a similar impression. Peter, for instance, brags to the mermaids at one point about cutting off Hook's hand and feeding it to the crocodile. Though we never get to hear him finish the tale, it is rather unsettling to think that Disney's Pan is capable of such horror. (Personally, no matter WHAT the circumstances of the situation were, I think any real-life child who took such great pleasure in slicing off a body part of another person and then having the presence of mind to feed said body part to a dangerous wild animal would probably be considered a psychopath in need of some SERIOUS counseling.) Disney, of course, glosses over this little inconvenience by having Hook show up before he can really get any further into the story. Again, the child-lens is going up; Wendy doesn't want to see this side of Peter, and neither does the child-based audience, so they choose to look away. However, we see a brief glimpse of this side of Pan again at Skull Rock. First, we see it resurface when he hands Smee a gun and then flies up directly in front of Hook--knowing that he can move out of the way in time. Again, through the child-lens of the audience, it seems funny to watch Smee doing his best (and failing terribly) to aim at Pan...but when you think about it from an adult's perspective, it's actually pretty disturbing. Peter legitimately wants Hook dead and doesn't care if it happens to be at the hand of one of his own crewmen (and arguably, in the Disney universe, Hook's only real friend). When Hook "dies," Peter simply takes the hat and says nonchalantly, "What a pity, Mr. Smee. I'm afraid we've lost the dear captain." It doesn't even phase him that a man might have just died and poor Smee is probably feeling absolutely HORRIBLE because it was (sort of) his fault. Even Wendy's child-lens falters a little here... While Peter is celebrating Hook's death, she at least, has enough of an adult's heart to have compassion on their fallen enemy and turn her face away with an, "Oh, how dreadful!" It happens again a few moments later when Peter is getting ready to kick Hook's hook off the ledge so that he falls into the waiting jaws of the crocodile. (The captain, at this point, is of course, squirming like--to use Peter's phrasing--"a codfish on a hook.") Again, Pan has no sympathy, but Wendy, who is starting to gradually open up her eyes to the truth that maybe staying a child forever isn't all it's cracked up to be and maybe adulthood isn't entirely bad, is losing her "child-lens." Not entirely. Not to the point where she doesn't continue to view Hook as comical to keep from being afraid. But enough to know that what Peter is about to do is wrong. She expresses this verbally when she shouts, "Oh, Peter, NO!"

It is at this point, shortly after the crocodile chase, that we start to see Hook become more of a legitimate threat (and a legitimately sympathetic character) again. Why? Because Wendy, as the protagonist and the one whose eyes we are looking through even more so than Pan, is starting to grow up and face reality for what it is--scary or not. As she sings "Your Mother and Mine" and tells her brothers that they NEED a mother--that Neverland has been fun but they NEED to go home--Hook is throwing Tinkerbelle in a lantern and planning to kidnap the kids and blow Pan to smithereens. And then we get the "slit his throat" reminder (mentioned above)... Also, as a side note, when Hook is ill after the crocodile chase, we hear him lamenting how Pan has made him look like a fool yet again. This is also something that I think we can appreciate more as adults. All Hook's crew wants is to go back to haunting the Spanish Main, but Hook refuses to leave Neverland because he feels that he has to remain there until he can regain his pride...which in and of itself is admirable, since many people who have been played the fool simply hang their head and walk away in shame. Here's this guy who has been bested by a child no more than twelve or thirteen--and possibly much younger... How must that feel? I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship where I was constantly reminded how I couldn’t do anything right, and it felt SO degrading. I literally just wanted to go hide away in my room and cry because I felt so incompetent and useless and just plain stupid. So how does Hook feel? Probably the same way. But he doesn't give up. If there's one thing we can say for sure about Disney Hook, he's a fighter. So, I guess you could say that, in part, one reason I find Disney Hook so sympathetic and tragic is because I can identify with him in his crippling reaction to fear and admire him for his bold attempts to reclaim his pride.

Anyway, getting back on track with the storyline... As we near the end of the film, Hook once again appears to lose face at the final showdown. At first, this doesn't seem to make sense if Wendy is, in fact, beginning to lose the child-lens. However, although Hook is defeated, we are never actually shown that he dies (and obviously, from the second film, in the Disney universe, he doesn't). I remember reading somewhere that when they were originally working on Peter Pan, Walt Disney chose to keep Hook alive and just have him "going like hell" rather than actually dying because, "the audience will get to liking Hook." And by this point, we have...those of us still looking through the child-lens love to hate him as a character we can laugh at, and those of us who are more grown-up love him for being just like us--an adult who is STILL growing up, in some ways, who is STILL afraid of certain things and hasn't always learned his lessons and isn't perfect but also isn't willing to give up even when everything is against him and everyone is laughing at him and nothing seems to go right.

Now, I said that at first, it doesn't seem to make sense for us to view Hook in a comical light in this scene if we are viewing the movie primarily through the eyes of the Darling children--particularly Wendy, who is starting to grow up and realize that adults are supposed to feel things like compassion for one's enemies. However, Wendy is still a child. She IS still afraid of growing up. In fact, she's terrified. And that comes out when the kids are all mocking Hook. He's still frightening to them. They still need the security blanket of pretend sometimes, of focusing on his more comical, vulnerable side...but they don't defeat Hook by killing him in this version, and I think that's significant. As representative primarily of the "scary" parts of growing up, Hook is temporarily cast aside and shoved to the back of their minds, but he IS NOT DEAD. The kids (and even Pan) know he may come back. They know he isn't gone for good. One day, they will have to face adulthood. One day, Hook--in the guise of mortgages and taxes and wars and sickly older parents--will return. But for now, they have defeated him...not just by pretending but by choosing to accept the responsibility of growing up eventually, in their own good time. Even Peter starts to reflect this theme by beating Hook, "man to man" without the use of flight. Wendy, who wants to be the good grown-up but who isn't quite ready to let go of childhood, warns Peter against it, thinking that it may be a trap. She even goes so far as to shout at him to fly when he has the chance even though he has promised not to. But Disney Pan is a bit more mature than some (maybe Wendy's better judgment is wearing off on him), and he keeps his word. He beats Hook "like a man" NOT like a boy. Pan's victory here symbolically reflects the Darling children's decision to face adulthood by going back to London. Thus, Hook is defeated because adulthood is no longer an obstacle which causes a fear is so crippling that the kids can't face it. When Wendy returns home, we get one last glimpse of this truth in Mr. Darling--the real-world representative of all things frightening and frustrating about growing up and, as I'm sure you know, also (significantly) voiced by Conried--who has done some "growing up" himself. Mr. Darling, it seems, is willing to allow Wendy a bit more time to enjoy life as a child, remembering his own childhood fondly, even as Wendy has chosen to accept the responsibility of growing up. Mr. Darling, who much like Hook, was viewed previously by the kids (and by extension, the audience) as a bit of a bully and an object of ridicule, is now the object of Wendy's affection as a mutual understanding is reached. Adulthood is frightening in many ways, but Wendy has also come to realize that it is necessary to take responsibility for one's actions and feel compassion for others just as Mr. Darling has realized that sometimes, it's okay for kids to be kids and enjoy the moment. Essentially, what I'm saying is--borrowing the idea that Hook and Mr. Darling are two sides of the same coin--Hook in Neverland, chased away by the crocodile, appears as comical in the last scene only because he effectively gets one last serious scene through his London counterpart, staring wistfully out the window with a loving wife and child by his side. Wendy isn't quite yet grown up, so she still sees through the child-lens on occasion, but she is learning, gradually, to embrace that which she once feared. She no longer needs Hook, an imaginary figure, to personify that fear. She now has her father back, and though she now RESPECTS what he stands for, she is no longer so terrified of growing up that she can't appreciate the GOOD side of the future (such as having a husband and a family of her own someday) and look forward to it.

#peter pan disney #disney peter pan #captain hook disney #disney captain hook #disney #disney villains #captain hook #james hook #captain james hook

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flying-elliska · 4 years ago

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Literally the only reason I don’t outright despise the darkling in the show is solely cause of Ben Barnes and I’m fully aware of that 😂😂 I HATED him in the books. I didn’t like Mal either but like I honestly could not understand for the life of me why people liked the darkling lol. I feel like I was severely in the minority. Idk I sort of was like.. ok I get he’s maybe supposed to be charming but I see so much through his bullshit it’s not even funny. I felt like I was being told that he was alluring rather than feeling like he was lol. And it annoyed me to no end. Now Ben Barnes as the darkling... he was basically saying the same shit but I was like you know I fully realize you’re full of shit but it’s okie pls keep going 😂😂 he also was slightly different but idk. Maybe this was one of those things where I needed to see it as a visual instead of just in a book

Ahah yeah very relatable. And an interesting thing to think about. When I read the books, which was quite a while ago, I despised his character, and I didn't like Mal either ; I was pretty much there for the fun world and the side characters. (I can't wait to see who they cast as Nikolai, my beloved.) But there is such power in a good performance, and I'm also talking about Jessie Mei Li here because I found Alina so dour and not fun as a protagonist but in the show she's ☀️☀️☀️

I mean there are definitely loathsome characters on TV that are just so fun to watch because they're so stylish and unhinged and the actor is just really going for it and it's fun putting your morals aside as a thought experiment to imagine being at this level of not giving a fuck about anything, it's liberating. One of my all time faves is Glenn Close as Cruella de Vil in the Dalmatian movies I was obsessed with as a kid, and this is a woman who wants to skin puppies, she has zero redeeming qualities and it's amazing to watch because she is so much larger than life and cool and insane. (Don't get me started on all the queer coding for Disney villains too lol.)

So like, I think on TV it's easier to appreciate terrible characters for that performance aspect. And there is something reassuring about making evil into an over the top spectacle, because it makes it less scary, paradoxically ; in real life most evil is very ordinary and respectable-looking and diffuse and insidious and hard to pinpoint, if it isn't made completely invisible by systemic dynamics. Most monsters are some kind of exorcism.

When it comes to books it's trickier to write a villain who is also supposed to be ambiguously likeable, I think, because you don't have the advantage of such a performance, you have to synthesize it all with words, which are more intellectual. Whereas TV has visuals, sounds, it's more easily visceral, which I think is closer to the level on which these types of characters work, the more primal emotions.

And when it gets to the Darkling I get the appeal in theory. First of all, his political agenda is somewhat understandable (and even more so in the show) even if his methods are fucked up, especially considering the heroes seem to be a lot more concerned with reestablishing the status quo for a big part of the story. If you have a villain concerned with fighting injustice and your hero isn't fighting injustice just as hard, then you're kind of setting up people to root for the villain, no matter what gratuitous atrocities get tacked on, because the structure of the story feels unjustified. This is a story pattern people have been calling out for its weird conservative implications for a while now (looking at you Marvel yikes).

Also, the Darkling is very much an example of a trope that is veeeery popular in fiction aimed at women, that of the dangerous, more powerful, often immortal or monstrous supernatural dude associated with death/winter/darkness/the devil that tries to tempt the heroine away from her expected life path and can be either a love interest or an enemy or both. This is like, most recent vampire stories, or Beauty and the Beast, or Hades/Persephone retellings, Hannibal the series for a queer version, possibly also Killing Eve - hell two stories I've read recently were that trope (Winternights trilogy and The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue). And people often prefer it as a romance ; even though it obviously has problematic implications I don't think you can reduce it to 'silly women don't know what's good for them!!!' like I've seen it implied. I'm picky with this trope, I usually prefer deconstructions, but I see the appeal.

The main problem with the Darkling in the books is that I find him annoying, and like that other post says, in fiction a character can be as evil as they want as long as they're not annoying lmao. He's just cold and aggressive and he comes over as this petulant emo douchebag and Alina is supposed to be drawn to that because ???? Ben Barnes sells the charm and the danger so much better, and so when the betrayal comes it feels a lot more meaningful and interesting.

Like don't get me wrong, the Darkling in the books does things that are pretty irredeemable and looks like they're going in that direction in the show too, but I do like that they kept him more human, and I get why people wished the character had gone in a more ambiguous direction. And sometimes you just want a good corruption arc for your hero, that's too rare in my opinion. Also I just think it should be possible to like Problematic Characters without having to excuse everything they do or feel like you've committed a mortal sin against the Good God of Moral Fiction. I've seen the discourse online ping-pong between 'uwu he never did anything wrong!!!!' and 'omg abuse apologism!!!' and I'm like. Degree zero of literacy. Bye.

#shadow and bone #ben barnes #the darkling #darklina #grishaverse #aleksander morovoza #shadow and bone netflix

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vanaera · 5 years ago

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Of Cliches and Romcom Tropes

Synopsis | You find yourself literally living a classic Romcom trope by being the nerdy introvert in love with her unexpected friend, Kim Taehyung, your university’s golden theater boy and campus heartthrob. It only turns more disgustingly cliché when you learn he part-times as a prince actor in the same carnival where you work as a ticket booth attendant. Trusting on the clichés you’ve watched in numerous Romcom films, you embark on a plan to get your crush to like you back this Halloween. Pairing | prince actor!taehyung x ticket booth attendant!oc Genre | So much fluff, slight angst, humor that’s close to being crack Wordcount | 10,184 AU | Carnival Prompt | “You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.” – “I bet you tell everyone that.” Warnings | None A/N | This is for @foreverpark’s Halloween Writing Challenge! It’s my first time joining a challenge like this so thank you so much Sarah for giving me an opportunity to experience this! For my hons out there, here’s my Halloween fic for you! Please also check out Sarah’s fics and the other fics for this challenge, they’re all great! Happy reading!

At every start of success story speeches, there is a ninety percent probability you will hear “Fake it ‘til you make it.” How Mark managed to chance upon an idea of an app, How Sarah snagged the director position she dreamed of, how introverted Kim developed progressive networks–it is an imperative that saying will pop out in every single one of these stories. Well, except yours, because it’s the other way around in your life. At times “Fake it ‘til you make it’ does makes a cut, but in most of your major life events where you desperately wished for it to work, it doesn’t really work. You know because you’ve long tried to fake you’re so invested in your part-time job, only for you to cry out at night that you didn’t want to do it anymore.

Sitting on an uncomfortable stool with a small fan on your right as reprieve from the heat, you spend most of your day with cramped legs inputting number of tickets sold, handing over ticket stubs, becoming an instant customer service attendant, and smiling through clenched teeth at the people that stop by your booth. Working the most boring job in the carnival is not something you can fake to enjoy until you make enough savings for your college tuition. That is, until Kim Taehyung came.

“Wonder boy” is an extreme understatement to describe that guy. Kim Taehyung is cute and has a model-esque body and his voice sounds so nice when he’s in his prince costume entertaining the kids who enter the Fairytale Land booth. Okay, maybe you’ve been staring at him too long than you’re supposed to when you’re at work. But in your defense, you’ve known Kim Taehyung long before you discovered he also part-times at the Enchanted Carnival–long enough for you to harbor a massive, embarrassing crush on the boy.

Kim Taehyung studies in the same university as you and you first saw him the day you didn’t attend your history class just so you can prepare for your midterms in the said subject–the irony of college students’ philosophy. That day, you just entered a classroom you frequent for study purposes, knowing it will be empty during your history period. Except for that day because the moment you pushed open the door, a stable vibrato echoing within the rooms’ walls halts in an awkward coughing fit.

Your anxiety-driven nerves immediately take over you. “Uhh, I’m sorry I just barged in I didn’t mean to interrupt you–”

“No, it’s o-okay,” the boy coughs, hitting his chest repeatedly. “I was just su-surprised.”

“I’m really sorry for interrupting you,” you take a step back, your hand grasping for the knob. “Continue on, I’ll just find another room–”

“No, it’s okay, you can share the room with me.”

“A-are you sure?” you squint, still rooted at the door. “You don’t have like, a class in here or something? You have a projector set up on the teacher’s desk.”

“Nah, it’s just my prop when I do my final runs.” He walks to the projector and flips down its lens cover. A picture of a wooden fort set in what looks like cobble-stoned streets of 18th century France flashes on the white board. “See?” The boy turns to you, grinning. “I’m cutting just like you. No pressure, mate. Stay.”

“B-but you’re practicing, I may distract you.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind some audience–unless, you get distracted from studying by music, then I’ll go and find–”

“No, it’s okay,” you chuckle. “I don’t get distracted by music. I love music. Actually, I like listening to songs while I study so yeah, go on.” You set your papers on the nearest seat and plop down.

“You do?” The boy asks and you find yourself smiling at his beaming face. You’ve never seen someone who smiles so bright like him on a constant-interaction basis.

“Yeah, I do. By the way, what are you singing for?”

“Oh yeah,” the boy scratches his nape, reds forming on the tips of his ears. “uh, this is for my Drama club. I’m still in the application process and we have this task to play and perform as a theater character tomorrow Friday. I wanted to do Jean Valjean from Les Miserables.”

“Wow, that’s great,” you smile, “actually I’m studying for my History midterms, so yeah, your practice is very timely. You can be my background music,” you chuckle, “to give me the better feel of what I will be crying over later back at my home.”

Taehyung laughs and you chuckle before going back on your own devices. An hour and a half passes with you flipping furiously through your reviewer in time with the instrumentals behind Taehyung’s velvet voice. When the bell rings and the afternoon class scheduled in the room starts to form a mini clique outside, you scramble out the door with a mess of papers pressed to your chest and a new name to mull over during your breaks: Kim Taehyung.

Unlike what you predicted, that encounter was not the last you will have with the theater boy. You had a couple of classes with him in the next semester and he sat next to you in each lectures. You also became partners for a pair project in your Communication Theories class. Kim Taehyung became a regular presence in your college life that at the end of your sophomore year, you knew his dream of becoming a theater actor, all his likes, dislikes and insecurities, and even his secrets he said his friends knew none of like “Y/N, do you know I used to dream of becoming a Disney prince? Not used to, actually I still low-key dream of playing Shang from Mulan just so I can sing ‘Make a Man Out of You.’” You never imagined you would hit up such a friendship with someone who’s the total polar opposite of you. Taehyung’s a social butterfly while you hate going out of your house. He knows almost three-fourth of the total population in the university with him getting to manage nine clubs while still maintaining his academics. In total contrast to you who never got to join any organizations, too afraid of making commitments you neither can fulfill nor prioritize over staying at home and reading your fiction books. Not to say Taehyung’s on the top of the strata with his handsome looks, blessed physique, impressive talent, and wide range of friends. While you’re someone who easily blends with the crowd’s background noise, with nothing too much to offer but a small group of friends and a fascination for critiquing movies–especially those that are really bad.

You guess that people say, “Opposites attract” for a reason because when you and Taehyung move on to sophomore year, you find yourself crushing hard on the boy. However for you, the attraction is definitely going to be one-sided. You’re sure of it because how can Taehyung ever like you back? You’re the epitome of average-ness that you even became the stepping stone for the girls who want to snag a date with Taehyung. Of course you wouldn’t let Taehyung miss out on cute girls he can probably date when he can have any girl he wish to be with. And, you’re too chicken to act out even a hint of your feelings for him. Clammy hands, jumpy heart, and equipped with an instinct to run to the opposite hall when you so much as glance at Taehyung’s approaching figure, you are sure he will be the death of you. Everything turns worse when you learn he part-times this summer break in the same carnival you work pathetically.

“Yo, Y/N, you work here, too?” Taehyung nears you, clad in a white polo dangerously unbuttoned down his chest, navy trousers that cinches his narrow hips, and brown combat boots. He is also wearing an unbuttoned red military jacket, its shoulder pads making his shoulders look broader than they’d ever been. A rich red cape embellished with golden details flows behind him, complementing the gold tassels on his jacket and his golden crown that makes him look impossibly more ethereal. He fucking looks like a brunet Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle.

You consciously glance down at your outfit: sweat-stained purple polo shirt with Enchanted Carnival’s logo embroidered on its breast pocket, tucked in generic black slacks that doesn’t fit you well. When you reach up to tuck the stray strand of hair that escapes your ponytail, you’re reminded you’re still wearing the silly mandatory headband with pink bunny ears. Your face feels oily, your hair’s unwashed, and you just remembered you’re not wearing any makeup on. Great, you fucking look like all college students’ worst job nightmare.

“Hey, you’re still there?”

“Ye-yeah, uh, hi, Tae,” you smile awkwardly, snatching your headband off and hiding it behind your back. You tried to make yourself look less embarrassing but it backfired when all short strands of your hair messily spill down to your cheeks. You smile wider. Okay, this is the worst day ever.

“I didn’t know you’re also working here,” Taehyung says.

“Umm, yeah. I forgot to tell you, I’m sorry–”

“No, no, no, it’s okay!” Taehyung waves his hands, laughing. “In fact this is great!”

“Great?” You want to jump off from a cliff right on.

Taehyung remains oblivious in your self-pity and just grins. “Yeah, it means I get to see you everyday even when we’re outside uni!”

“We do see each other outside uni. I tutored you for six months straight in the library.”

“Yeah, but I mean, it’s nice we get to be co-workers. It’s good to have a familiar face around so work wouldn’t be so boring. Say, Y/N, why don’t we have lunch at the cafeteria later? I have so many to tell you and–”

“Yah, Kim Taehyung! You’re up next, what are you doing outside?” you glance behind your friend and see Jimin, dressed in the same uniform as you minus the silly headband, wildly waving for the boy in front of you. When Jimin notices you, he breaks into a smile, “Oh, hi, Y/N,” and then he returns to his agenda. “Taehyung come here quickly! The batch of kids is nearing the Princess’ Castle, boss is gonna chew us out if you didn’t get back to the booth in three!”

Taehyung sighs and looks at you with shoulders drooped. “I have to go back now. Guess, I’ll see you later?”

“Okay, later, then. Have fun, Tae,” you wave at him with a smile.

When you head back for your booth, you cross your fingers and hope you don’t see him later. How can the universe do you this dirty by placing him so near you right when you are at your worst?

At the end of the day, you learn the universe just does you dirty for the hell of it. Taehyung bounds your way for lunch break in his prince costume, grinning stupidly just when you’re about to sneak off to the comfort rooms. Nevertheless, you accept the lemons life is giving you and decide to relish in your crush’s presence as you joke over lunch. You just didn’t expect that day will start an unannounced routine with Taehyung eating lunch with you and him walking you home after your shifts for the rest of your summer break. The seemingly grey area in your friendship with Taehyung turns more mind-boggling when the man keeps up with the routine even after the summer break has ended, with you two continuing your part-time jobs at the carnival every weekend.

Truth be told, your set-up with Taehyung is a blessing in disguise. He may see you greasy-faced, constantly suffering at work, and daily pissed at your cramped station with poor ventilation but at least you get to see the man you fell in love with everyday. Not just the Taehyung who’s the campus crush and the talented actor every kid in the carnival loves. But the Taehyung who stays up with you until three in the morning talking about what you want for yourselves, who genuinely laughs at your puns and memes everyone else finds corny, and who tells you he’s enjoying himself in his job because finally, he gets to act like a Disney prince.

So when you find yourself only falling for Taehyung deeper, getting over him becomes the last resort in your to-do list. You start to let yourself get ahead of you and assume that maybe, just maybe, there is a chance Taehyung likes you back. Or else he wouldn’t do all those things with you with his stare lingering on your face, and his hand brushing against your own on multiple occasions you swear are not conjured up by your lovesick heart. Right?

With the Halloween season closing in and your part-time contracts at the carnival nearing its end, you are compelled to finally make a move on Taehyung. The carnival is the only place where your social and visual gap matters the least. You’re going to get an answer from him before this perfect chance expires. All you have to do now is have courage for the things you’re about to do and you pray that this time, the universe lets you successfully fake it ‘til you make it.

***

Plan 1: The Makeover Montage

You’ve watched enough Romcom films to know that a good makeover montage creates an obvious statement that a woman is about to claim her man. And so, you started making your wallet cry and your fingers ache by splurging on cosmetic brands and watching YouTube makeup tutorials. You’re proud of yourself when by the time Monday rolls in, you are confident you can pull off the cat wing and coral peach color scheme you learnt in exchange of sleep-deprived nights.

You wait by your locker and glance at your watch. 7:48 A.M. Great, just in time. You look down on your outfit: a white ruffled blouse tucked in a pink and yellow plaid skirt. Spending three hours planning today’s outfit was totally worth it, you mentally pat yourself.

Three minutes pass and then the bell chimes. You stand up straight and crane your neck to look for your target. Amy from History, Dave from Economics, Amanda from the College Secretary’s Office, Jimin from Arts and the Enchanted Carnival–There! Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung catches your eye and waves at you. He whispers something to Jimin before he bounds toward you. “Hi, Y/N. Didn’t know you’re an early bird now. I thought your first class today is later at eleven thirty?”

“U-um, I have so-something to pass to Ms. Terry at the Department of Arts and Communication,” you laugh awkwardly.

“Oh is that so? Wait,” Taehyung looks at you, eyes wide. “Is it a homework I may have forgotten to do at home?”

“N-no! There’s no homework! It’s just uh–a follow-up on a project!”

“A project? Did Ms. Terry announce any project? I’m sorry, I’m just confused because we take her class together and–”

“It’s a personal project!” you interject with a grin. “I…uh, I’ve been working on it since last month. I forgot to tell you about it, but it’s not much, just a collection of…news clippings.”

“News clippings, hmm, that sounds interesting. Tell me about it at lunch, I will go ahead now to my first period,” Taehyung steps back and makes a salute, his alternative of a goodbye wave to you. “Good luck with your project!”

“Wa-wait, Tae!”

Taehyung halts in his steps and looks at you. “Why? Is something wrong?”

“I–uh, did you notice anything new today?”

“New?” Tehyung tilts his head. “Is it a new promo for the diner we frequent?”

“Uhh, no.”

“Umm,” Taehyung bites his lip, “is it a new movie you sent to me in our Discord?”

“Uh, also no. And, I will gush about a movie first to you in person before I send it to our Discord.”

“Oh, right,” Taehyung chuckles. “Is it a new book then?”

“No.”

“New supplies in the bookstore you love?”

“No.”

“A new flavor of coffee in the vending machine?”

“No.

“A new–”

“Goddamn it, Taehyung, you know what, just go to your class,” you purse your lips and Taehyung gawks at you.

“W-why? Did I say something wrong, Y/N?”

“No, it’s just, you’re so obliviou–UGH!”

“‘Obliviou-ugh?’” Taehyung looks more confused than ever he’s been in his life.

You take in deep breath and take it as a signal for you to retreat. “Don’t mind me it’s just my mood swing!” you holler as you turn your back and walk fast to the exit. Following-up with a faint “See you later!” to the bewildered boy by the time you step out the hallway.

After what happened today, you guess Taehyung won’t easily notice your makeover with just one encounter. You decided to keep it consistent for the rest of the week, waking up earlier to curl your hair and apply makeup before going to your classes. And every day you kept trying something new – a change of shade in the lip gloss, a swipe of a bolder eye shadow, a shift from preppy to sophisticated clothing styles–Taehyung still fails to notice anything. Even when you turn up for your shift in the carnival with full-on makeup for the very first time, Taehyung just passes you by with his usual demeanor.

“Hi, Y/N!”

“Hi Tae!” You cringe at how chirpy you sound. “Umm, you look exceptionally good today!”

“Yeah?” Taehyung looks at his clothes, the same Howl costume he always wears in his shift. “Well, I look like this everytime in my shift so thanks?”

“But, have you noticed anything new today?” you bat your mascara-laden lashes for emphasis.

“New?” Taehyung leans closer to you and this time you feel your heart pounding in suspense. Of course he’ll notice it now, you never wear this much makeup at work–

“Oh, your ID lace!” Taehyung snaps his fingers, grinning. “Right, you changed your ID lace, how can I miss out on it? You always complain about the neon orange you used to have and now it’s black just like how you always want.”

You balk at him. “Uhh, it’s still the ones provided by the staff. They just changed the color.”

“Yeah, isn’t that great? You’ve always wanted a black ID lace! Remember when you used to tell me you’re gonna file a petition to change the neon orange lace to black? It’s finally black!” Taehyung claps you on the back and then makes his signature salute. “See ya later at lunch Y/N. And congrats to the ID lace!”

You poke your cheek with your tongue in annoyance. You’ve done such a good job perfecting your makeup and all he notices is just your ID lace?! What the motherfucking–

Okay, maybe Taehyung doesn’t get makeover montages. You cross Plan 1 out and step up to Plan 2.

Plan 2: The Assertive Approach

If Taehyung can’t notice physical changes, maybe this time, he can notice behavioral changes. In the films you have watched, you’ve seen countless protagonists be successful in catching the eye of their love interests by changing their flirting style. You’ve always dreamt of becoming like Julia Roberts in her hit romance films: confident, bold, and unafraid to make the first move. So this time, you get to finally be the woman of your dreams and you hope she can also entice the man inside your heart.

You started your metamorphosis by sitting closer to Taehyung during lectures, leaning closely to him whenever he’s talking with you, closing the space between your faces with a mere inch of breath. You also let your hands do the speaking for you whenever you walk home from work, masking the frequent brushing of your fingers against his, an obvious open invitation for him to hold your hand, seemingly accidental. But whatever you do, Taehyung still can’t get any hint. He’ll just smile at you and proceed to what he’s doing without even a waver in his tone.

Fueled with desperation, you decide to cross the boundary from subtle to blatant assertion in your lunch break with Taehyung.

“Today’s a pretty beat day,” Taehyung remarks, taking off his sweaty cape. “Some teens decided to not go with the usual flow of the booth and visit the stops in reverse. I felt sorry for Jimin. He looked so stressed manhandling each teen out of the booth and giving them a stricter run-over of the booth’s rules.”

“Yeah?” You slide closer next to his seat and cross your legs. “Then what about you, did the teens made fun of you? I heard from Seokjin that Lisa almost broke down when they poked around her unicorn costume.”

“I’m glad I’m the last stop. Jimin already entered the booth when the kids made the ruckus at Lisa’s stop.” Taehyung sighs, running his hand through his damp fringes. “I couldn’t imagine myself dealing with such troublesome people. If I were in Lisa’s place, I would have already been screaming at them for being bastards at such a young age. It’s a relief, it didn’t happen. I would have lost this job.”

“I’m glad, too, you didn’t get hurt.” You lean towards him, resting your head against his shoulder. You felt him stiffen in his seat and you smile. “I would have been so worried, you know. I don’t know what I will do,” you grab his hand, intertwine it with yours, and look up at him, “if I don’t see you around here anymore.”

“Really?” Taehyung turns to you and you nod. He smiles. “Thanks, Y/N, for your concern. I would feel the same if you were to experience that. Oh, we should probably eat now, our food’s getting cold.” Taehyung immediately detaches his fingers from yours, leaving you gaping in your seat.

Your lunch proceeds like usual and the awkward hand-holding you pulled off was never brought up again. Like Plan 1, you kept Plan 2 consistent for the week. However, Taehyung still remains painfully oblivious.

Plan 2 is unsuccessful so you cross it out and decide it’s time to take your game to the full notch.

Plan 3: The Vixen’s Touch

If Taehyung can’t recognize physical and behavioral changes, he cannot miss out on a temptation handed over on a silver platter. Plan 3 is the ultimate overkill. No one can resist the seductive vixen. You already braved through doing a Julia-Roberts-character. Going for the longest mile with Megan Fox shouldn’t be a problem. This is probably just your ego talking but you’re not gonna let the smallest bit of shame creep in to you now. Not now, when you’re putting all your cards on the table for Taehyung’s heart. This is all or nothing.

�� You see, the Vixen’s Touch is the epitome of all Romcoms’ super power move. Just one scene is enough to turn the tables around and let the heroine achieve whatever outcome she desires. However, such great power comes numerous setbacks. One can only do a vixen move once and never more because if it’s overdone, it will lose it’s mystery, charm, and power–everything that makes it an effective Romcom move. So, you planned your Vixen Touch meticulously.

You can’t do a Megan-Fox-move at school because you’ll attract too much attention, especially with Taehyung who’s already at the spotlight of social interactions. Instead, you will pull it off in the carnival, where you can have your crush all to yourself without worrying about ambitious bitches intruding your scenario. You’ll enter the Fairy Tale booth during your break time and sneak to the backstage from the “Authorized Personnel Only” door on the left of the second stop. From there, you will do Lisa’s advice to take a right turn and then a left. It will lead to a connecting hallway that ends with the red curtains behind the Princess’ Castle. There, you’ll surprise Taehyung, who’s waiting for the princess’ cue, with a tingling touch against his spine and a sexy and breathy, “Hi, Tae.” Taehyung will be shocked and you’ll close the gap between the two of you. With the dark setting and the seemingly scandalous set-up, the thrilling mood will compel you to lean towards him and he will close his eyes and interlock his lips with yours in a passionate kiss. If you make it fast to the connecting hallway, you will have enough alone time with Taehyung before the batch of people even reaches the third stop from the princess’ castle. You grin to yourself. Your plan has never been this perfect.

Weekdays pass with you continuing your Assertive Approach. Taehyung’s still clueless, making the transition to Plan 3 much more thrilling. When Saturday finally rolls in, you set your game-est face on.

It’s a week before Enchanted Carnival’s Halloween Party, which means the management is lenient on the part-timers’ work uniforms. After all, you only have one week left before you end your contracts. And so, you pull out your fanciest casual outfit–a little red dress with off-shoulder sleeves, partnered with fishnet stockings that go well with your black combat boots. You also perfected your makeup: eyebrows on-fleek, cat wings on-point, deep brown smoky eyes, and blood-red lips. To top off your look, you put on a thin, black choker. You smile at yourself. You did a good job making yourself look hot. You know it’s not just your ego talking because when you arrive at the ticket booth, Jimin compliments your look.

“Yo, Y/N, I never knew you could look this pretty,” Jimin grins at you.

"You also look good today,“ you return, taking note of how well his striped buttondown fits his frame. “I didn’t know today is leg day,” you add, admiring how his ripped jeans accentuate his legs you never knew were this muscular.

Jimin smiles, “Say it for yourself, Y/N. You look a solid twelve.” He rocks on the balls of his feet back and forth. “I guess the management did a good job letting us wear our casual clothes. You don’t know how bad I wanted to take off our horrendous uniform whenever we work.”

“That’s…highly inappropriate but I guess you do you,” you point finger guns at him. Jimin chuckles and waves goodbye to you, heading for the Fairy Tale booth. You seat yourself in your work station. Today’s a good start. You hope your luck continues until break time.

Lunch passes by and so far everything’s a breeze. You haven’t seen Taehyung today, probably caught up with the kids who frequent his booth in large batches as Halloween approaches close. Nevertheless, it’s good news. Your surprise will totally knock him off his feet.

The clock chimes two. Seokjin comes over and takes over the ticket booth as you take your break. It’s show time.

Just like your plan, you head for the Fairy Tale booth in quick strides. Lisa manages the entrance to their booth today and she lets you in without any ado, already used to you and Taehyung crossing to and fro your respective booths. Greeting Val, the Elfen soldier of the first stop and Yeji, the mermaid from the second stop, you head for the “Authorized Personnel Only” door and push it open. It leads to a darkly-lit hallway with a heavily carpeted flooring. You follow Lisa’s tips, taking a right turn and a left. True to her word, the connecting hallway ends with the thick red curtains. And there in the corner, is your dream man facing the curtains and waiting for his signal. You don’t hear any clamor of people nearing the Princess’ Castle, even the faintest of chatter inaudible. You thank the universe for this luck. You made it in time.

The seconds seem to slow down into minutes as you stepped closer to Taehyung. Your heart pounds loud and fast against your ears. This is it. You’ll finally make Taehyung realize you have your heart laid out for him. And if you’re lucky, he will also give his to you today.

With a mere foot left between you two, you reach out for him.

“Hey, Taehyung–”

“What the fuck–”

Everything happens too fast. Instead of Taehyung’s surprised face, a hard punch straight to your nose is what greets you. Intense pain spreads over your senses and you reel over, feeling your entire face on fire.

"Oh my fucking, God, I’m sorry! Oh my God, Y/N, I didn’t see you–are you alright?!“ Taehyung catches your arms as you stagger backwards, pulling you to your feet to prevent you from falling.

You nod and waved dismiss-ally to his panicked state.

Just right then, you feel something wet trickle down your lips.

"Oh my God, Y/N, you’re bleeding!” Taehyung screams and he immediately leads you to a chair propped on the corner. He frantically pulls out tissues on the table nearby and dabs the wetness that seeps on your skin. “Shit, what are you even doing here?! I thought you were a ghost, I’m so sorry I punched you!”

You’re too dazed to register everything that has happened and your lack of response causes Taehyung to panic more.

"Fuck, Y/N, I’m so, so, sorry! Oh my God, this is all my fault. Just sit right there, I’ll call for help!“ Taehyung rushes to the end of the hallway and you hear him scream for Jimin. Pounding footsteps follow and then it’s not just Taehyung fussing over you, but also Jimin.

"Do you think it’s broken?” Taehyung asks Jimin, voice trembling.

"I don’t think so. She’s not bleeding that much. Taehyung, relax, I already called for first aid–”

"How can I relax when Y/N’s in pain?! Which I inflicted on her! You know what, let’s call the ambulance!–”

This is not what you planned for. This is not how you imagined you will spend your last shift at the carnival with Taehyung.

Wetness trickles down your cheeks and before Taehyung can rush over and wipe your tears away, the Carnival’s first aid team has already barged in and crowded over you.

You were led to the small clinic of the carnival where you were given a tissue to stick in your nose. The physician told you your nose was luckily not broken and your body has just undergone shock. Once the bleeding has stopped, you’re good to go. Seokjin also called you he already informed your boss about what happened, telling you he’ll take over your shift and you’re now free to go home. The next few minutes pass in silence and you sink further onto the foldable bed. However, the universe decides it’s not yet done fucking up your day when the door opens with a loud bang and there stands Taehyung, huffing and drenched in sweat.

"I’m sorry I only got here now. Boss scolded me for what I did to you,“ Taehyung sighs deeply as he sits on the chair next to you, leaning his elbows on your bed. “I’m really sorry, Y/N. All of this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t overreact.”

"I-it’s okay, Tae. You didn’t know I was there.“

"What are you even doing at our booth? Much more creeping in the dark?”

You bit your lip and look away. “It’s my break, it’s just,” you sigh, “I thought of surprising you today and well, it didn’t go as well as I planned it.”

"Plan? For what? Is there something we’re supposed to celebrate today?“

You turn back to Taehyung and meet his eyes. His eyes are focused on your face, waiting for your answer.

Well, maybe not all Romcom cliches work just like how they appear to be in movies. Maybe not all romantic gestures need to be grand in order to convey the sincerity of one’s feelings. Maybe it could be as simple like this– two people staring at each other in a clinic, uncaring of the world happening beyond your little bubble.

And as you stare at Taehyung’s face and see the reflection of yourself through his eyes, confused and tired, you decide it’s time for you to finally say it. No more orchestrated pretenses. No more intricate plans.

"Today is our last day in our work and I wanted to surprise you by finally being true to my feelings. I no longer look at you as a friend, Taehyung. I’m in love with you.”

Taehyung doesn’t reply. He just stares at you. You slowly feel the air getting squeezed out of your lungs, and it’s not just because of your stuffed nostril. Another beat of silence passes and then Taehyung’s face falls as he gapes at you, confused, shocked, and for a moment you see disappointment flash across his face. “W-what? Y/N, when did you-I, I don’t know what to say, I-why now?”

You bite your lip, feeling the tears well in your eyes. “Why not now, Taehyung?”

"Because–” Taehyung sighs and he purses his lips, dragging a hand over his face. “Y/N, you’re my friend, but I–”

"You know what, Taehyung, I get it,“ you turn your back on him, tasting blood on your lips from biting too hard to keep the tears at bay. You won’t cry because of him and in front of him at the same time. He doesn’t get to see you this weak. “You can leave me now.”

"But, Y/N, I–”

"Does punching me in the face not enough for you?! Just leave!“

You hear Taehyung sigh. The mattress of the bed puffs up again as the weight leaves. A faint “I’m sorry” resounds in the stifling silence. When the door closes with a soft click, the tears finally fall.

You stifle your broken sobs on your pillow.

***

You’re back in your old cycle: Eat, sleep, study, and lie low at the background. You steered clear from Taehyung in your classes, seating far away from your usual seat. You neither stopped by his locker in the mornings, nor waited for him in front of your own locker for lunch. You even went as far as avoiding your common friends, the thought of people asking about what happened between you and Taehyung makes you reel back to the embarrassment and disappointment of that day.

As much as you wanted to hate Taehyung, you find it hard to admit that every single thing that has gone wrong points back to you. You assuming anything more than what you already have with him, you doing outrageously unnecessary things for him, you bending yourself backwards in your desperation for him – it has always been yourself.

You tried to stay as identical to the background as you can be, away from Taehyung and anything that is associated with him. Because as much as you feel like an empty vessel for every single day, you cannot find it in yourself to erase Taehyung from your mind. Even when his last words with you kept on re-opening the wounds you’ve been trying hard to stitch back together. And, you can’t have that. You can’t run back to him and let him kick you back to the curb. It’s time for you to learn your lesson.

But no matter how successful you were the past days in running from Taehyung, you know you cannot avoid him forever. Especially when Enchanted Carnival has required the part-timers to attend their annual Halloween Party tomorrow, arranged by their permanent staff. After all, it’s the day you’ll terminate your contract and receive your last salary for your job.

You have never sorely regretted your past decisions like this before. You’re love-fool state of mind back then has induced you to buy an expensive costume. A fancy dress that has a carnation pink rayon bodice and full skirt, layered with delicate purple cotton voilewhich looks like soft rose petals that perfectly cinch the waist. It has long, glittered see-through sleeves that ruffle at the end of your arm, and it is adorned with golden intricate curvilinear details that go around the bust area and matches the golden flower belt on the waist. It even came with a faux golden crown with a short pink veil attached to the back. Yes, you fucking bought a princess bride costume just to match with Taehyung’s usual work attire because of course, Taehyung will come looking like a Disney prince. And now that everything you planned has gone downhill, the excitement is over and the only thing you feel is bitterness and a desperate wish to get things done and over with.

You reached the carnival at seven and by that time, the party is in full swing. Enchanted Carnival looks like a cirque-esque other-world. Small Jack o’ Lanterns replaced the usual light bulbs to light the carnival in an alluring tangerine glow. Signboards of “Happy Halloweens” range from small cutouts that hung from the poles, to gigantic illustrations pasted right on the walls of the some stalls. Pumpkin and ghost-shaped candies were sold at almost every corner and the people that pass by, carnival staff or not, embody the fantasy and surrealism of the carnival. You’ve seen pirates, sirens, faeries, and even witty realistic horror such as Jung Hoseok, the roller coaster attendant, wearing casual jeans and shirt with electric bills pasted on his chest and back.

“Hey, Y/N! I thought you weren’t coming.” You look to your left and see Lisa in a No Face costume. Seokjin follows close behind, dressed like Sokka from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

“Uh, yeah–I mean,” you clear your throat “how can I not come when I get to be paid at the end of the night?”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit,” Seokjin chuckles. “The salary is my only motivation when I lost a bet to Yeji and agreed to dress like…this.”

“Hey, Sokka’s not bad!” Lisa frowns. “Avatar: The Last Airbender is the best show ever and Sokka’s like a perfect ten.”

“Yeah, but it would have been better if you know,” Seokjin huffs, “I get to be Toph. So I can finally un-see Hoseok’s stupid’s antics, especially his dumb electric-bill costume tonight. It doesn’t get to be low-cost, witty, and funny all at the same time. It’s unfair.”

You laugh, feeling your jaw hurt a little from smiling so wide. It’s been a while since you smiled, with the past days spent crying and moping around in your room. You’re grateful for Lisa and Seokjin who tried to cheer you up throughout the night, distracting you from thoughts that revolve around Taehyung by pulling you into ride after ride, playing games in stall after stall, and stuffing your mouths with delicious treats.

You were having the best night of your life, until you find your group stopping in front of a booth – The 13th House.

You turn to Lisa. “Hey, you didn’t tell me a horror booth is included in our itinerary.”

“Because I don’t need to,” Lisa grins. “Horror booths are a classic! How can Halloween be Halloween without some spook?”

“Right, and relax Y/N,” Seokjin says, “It’s not like we’re gonna leave you. And trust me, it’s not that scary. I already visited this booth to prank Jungkook. Too bad I was unsuccessful that time with Jungkook already immune to jumpscares from manning the effects and all.”

Except it is scary. The 13th House is the only booth you didn’t dare to visit during your entire work period. Your remember how your legs turned to jelly the first time you saw its front: An old gothic mansion with dilapidated walls and broken windows, its wooden main door covered in bloody handprints, and its gray, dry lawn surrounded by amputated body parts. You know all of it were just manmade but it doesn’t lessen the creeps you get when every detail and props are fashioned too realistically.

Nevertheless, you went along with Lisa and Seokjin and get your ticket-bracelets scanned by the booth marshal. Even if you feel like running away the moment you hear the loud, sinister creak of the main door when you start for the first stop, you stood your ground and wear your big girl game face on. It’s your last night in the carnival, might as well do everything you were never able to do before.

The first half of your trip in the booth were somehow a smooth ride. Although you almost jumped at the scream of the bloody Victorian bride from the first stop, almost backed out on the second stop because of the swinging headless knight, and almost cried on the spot because of the wailing man with its guts ripped apart from the third stop, you’re still far from getting scared out of your wits.

That is, until you reach the middle stop.

The fourth stop required you to do an easy escape-room task with a ghost kid guiding you through a fake Ouija board session. You quickly finished the activity and the wooden walls shifted to reveal a small passageway with thick hanging cobwebs. Lisa leads the way and you find yourself gripping her hand and Seokjin’s tighter as you enter a dark hallway lit only by torches fastened to gray, blood-splattered walls.

And then, out of nowhere, foreign hands cover your eyes. You scream and thrash around but your suffering is only momentary when you find yourself back in the hallway with no looming figures behind your back. Okay, maybe it’s just part of the booth experience–Wait. Where’s Lisa and Seokjin?

“Lisa! Seokjin!” You call for your friends’s names. They were just with you earlier. You were holding their hands for Christ’s sake! “Where are you, guys?! This is NOT funny!” You bite your lip and wring your hands in anxiety. “Guys, I swear to God, this is not fun–”

The lights of the torches flicker. The background music starts to grow louder, and eerier as it now plays with Latin incantations. And then there’s a loud bang.

The lights were blown out. The blood-splattered designs on the walls turn neon. And, the rest of the hallway goes complete dark-out.

“Holy shit!” You run, straight ahead. Heart pounding loud on your ears, you don’t think anymore and just run. Surely, there will be some end to this hallway, right?

Except there’s none, because a forked path greets you just right when you thought the hallway is getting too long. The two paths stare at you, the neon designs on their walls starts to get disturbing with child-like drawings of disfigured people and morbid beasts.

You slump on the ground. This is a complete nightmare. You wish you didn’t go with Lisa and Seokjin. You wish you didn’t let your loneliness get to you and spent the whole week crying about your crush who doesn’t like you. Because now you’re trapped in this hellish booth and you’re gonna die alone and pathetic. You didn’t even get to experience at least the “moving on” happy ending alternative of Romcom films. You didn’t –

Just right then, there’s a flash of light from the end of the left path. A second later, a voice echoes loud. You didn’t understand a word from the echo. Hell, you’re not even sure if it’s from a human. But at least it seems to have a light that is nothing part of 13th House’s props. Before thinking twice, you’re already running toward the direction of the light. You run and run and never dared to stop. The light’s getting near, you’re gonna get help soon! You won’t have to die alone because you’re gonna get out of here and–

Light blinds you.

"Ahh!“

"What the fuck-! I’m sorry!”

You feel the light on your face dim down. And the moment you bring down your raised hands, you can’t seem to speak.

"YN?“

Taehyung stands in front of you, flashlight in hand, and looking handsome as always. But, it’s not his presence that makes your heart still. Enchanted Carnival’s purple polo shirt, generic black slacks, and the silly headband with blue rabbit ears atop his head–Taehyung’s wearing the carnival’s ticket booth uniform.

And Taehyung’s jaw is ajar seemingly for all the same reason. Pink princess gown and glittering princess crown–you were an open book to him now.

"You…you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

All of a sudden, everything that has happened in the last weeks comes back to you and you feel your eyes stinging with tears as the dam of bitterness floods your chest. “I bet you tell everyone that,” you scoff, “since you’re such a disgusting flirt.”

Taehyung’s mouth hangs in shock, “Di-disgusting flirt? You’re the only one I told you that!”

You stand back to your feet and meet his eyes with a steely glare. “I find it hard to believe that, Kim. Especially your type of guys.”

Your eyes seem to do tricks to you when you see Taehyung wince at your tone, but that wasn’t for long because Taehyung now sounds defensive. "What are my type of guys?“

You scowled. "The type who leads on girls and cruelly rejects them after they’re done playing with them.”

"What rejection are you talking about? I did not reject you! How could you-“

"What else could your reaction mean when I told you I love you?!”

"I was trying to move on from you, okay!“ Taehyung screams. "And that day, you just–dropped the bomb like that. How do you expect me to react huh? Especially, when I fucking spent one year trying to make you realize I see you more than as a friend and you just ignore me as if my feelings don’t matter to you. And then, when I finally decide to move on from you, you act weird for a couple of weeks. And out of nowhere you’re telling me you love me. How can I even react properly? You didn’t even wait for me to process things,” Taehyung’s voice breaks, “You just up and go and shut me out!”

"W-what?“

"I liked you, Y/N. For so long. And you never turned my way–you wave off my advances as if they mean nothing to you, you keep on setting me up with other girls, and you run away from me whenever I so much glance at you. You don’t even let me see you properly when we’re at school. You hide from me and run away as if you’re gonna die just by being with me. And last week, you’re suddenly telling me you love me? So, how can I be a disgusting flirt when you’re the one who’s sending me mixed signals?!”

"Mixed signals?“ you frown. "For the past year I’ve been your friend Tae, I tried to love you in my own way. I stayed up late with you as you told me all your problems. I’ve been there with you in whatever shenanigans you thought of. I spent almost every break I fucking have with you talking about whatever we want. They are blatant signals, Taehyung! So I’m sorry if I have to hide or run away sometimes, because if you didn’t fucking know, we don’t belong in the same world.”

“What do you mean we don’t belong in the same world? Fucking hell, Y/N, you’re not an alien–”

“In your world, I am! In your world, you are the star, the life of the party. People who belong in your world live their fucking fantastic lives as the star of their own stories. They achieve their dreams, they get whatever they want, people look up at them for being so great. But, people like me? We spend our fucking lives looking into your world from the outside. Pathetic side characters of their own pathetic lives. People just pass us by, some even run over us. No one even remembers our fucking name. So, even if these don’t matter when I look at you, I can only love you from afar because people will look at us and all these shits will come back for me.”

“Jesus Christ,” Taehyung huffs, carding a hand through his hair in frustration. “There are no worlds separating you from me because people are just different! And these differences cannot dictate who should belong with who because guess what? We’re the only ones who can let other people in or out of their lives. So can you just stop for a second and see that there’s nothing that actually separates you from me? I thought you would already know this by now since we’ve been friends for so long.”

You feel tears blurring your eyes and you look away from him. “But still, that’s not enough to explain all the shits that’s happened this past week. Okay, we may be different and I tried to express my feelings in my own way. But I tried to change it up, Tae. I worked so hard to pattern my advances to every Romcom clichés and of course they all went wrong when it came to you.”

“W-wrong? Y/N, what Romcom cliches–”

“The cheesiest Romcom clichés!” You snap. “You know, the makeover montage, the Julia Roberts’ Assertive Approach, the Megan Fox Vixen Touch. You were telling me how oblivious I were to your advances but you never fucking noticed how I changed up my advances just for you. You ignored how I dressed up pretty-to-the-tip for you. Even after I came to you and blatantly asked you if you noticed something new. You don’t take the cue when I freaking hand over my feelings for you in a silver platter. Hell, you even punched me in the face when I tried to be sexy!”

“God, can you let it go? I already said I’m sorry!” Taehyung huffs and you look down on your feet. Taehyung sighs, “I was trying to move on from you during those weeks you’ve acted really, really weird. So obviously, I will be very confused. Secondly, Y/N,” Taehyung sighs, “Romcom clichés are called like that because they only happen and work the way they are portrayed to work, in Romcoms. Romcom is a film genre. Sure, they may reflect some aspects of reality, but Y/N, they are planned out, manipulated in a controlled environment. They’re not your life. Life doesn’t work that way.”

“I’m sorry, I just–” you bite your lip but it’s not enough to prevent a tear slip from your eyes. “This is my first time feeling like this and I don’t know what to do. I absolutely have no fucking idea what I should do next and I–I’m just so sorry for dragging these shits up and made our lives messier than it should be. I’m sorry for probably making you feel guilty about yourself for this past week I ignored you like the plague. I’m sorry for being so stupid, I just–I’m so sorry, Tae!” your voice breaks at the end and before you know it, your tears have already consumed you to the ground.

"Oh shit Y/N, don’t cry.” Taehyung panics as he kneels next to you. You shield your face from him with your hands, but Taehyung pries them away and cups your face in his large, warm hands. You feel the pads of his fingers wipe away your tears and when you look up at him, Taehyung’s face is too close to yours. Too close that you can practically see the deep, dark circles under his eyes despite the darkness. The thought that you caused him this made you tear up more.

Taehyung goes frantic. “Y/N, do-don’t cry. Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Y/N, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry–”

“C-can you just h-hug me?”

“O-okay,” Taehyung hesitantly loops his arms around your shaking frame. “Thi-this is fine with me.”

You close your eyes and lean on your friend’s chest. You don’t care if Taehyung’s shirt get wet with your tears. He’s partly at fault for making you cry. But still, you squeak out a muffled. “Thank you, Tae.”

Taehyung hums. “It’s okay.”

Amid this night’s horror and breakdown, silence, for the first time in a while, envelops you in comfort. Even with no words, Taehyung easily dries away the tears. He just pats your back and rubs soothing circles on your tensed muscles, leaning closer to you when you hug him tighter.

“I hate fighting with you, Tae.”

Taehyung turns his head closer to yours. “Are we already fighting?”

“W-well yeah,” you hiccup. “Somehow.”

“Okay…Next time we’ll understand each other better so we don’t need to have unnecessary fights like this, okay?”

“Okay,” you mutter. You sink deeper into Taehyung’s arms and he holds you tighter in his embrace.

Even if you can’t see his face, you know Taehyung’s smiling.

It doesn’t take long for your sobs to die down that you’re now slowly disentangling yourself from him.

“Are you okay now?”

“Y-yeah. Thank you.” You lean your back against the wall and Taehyung sits next to you. You look at him and he smiles at you. For a moment you stay like that, staring into his eyes, falling deep in the little world you’re sharing with him. And then, it hits you. Taehyung’s still here. Even after you blurt out every insecurity and self-doubt you have that others may find petty and invaluable, Taehyung’s still here. Even after he voiced out his disappointment of you and things you’ve done him wrong, Taehyung hasn’t walked out. He didn’t run away, he didn’t leave you. Taehyung stayed.

And so, you take the cue the universe is giving you and put all your cards on the table again. You cross your fingers as you ask the question that has plagued your mind ever since Taehyung confessed he has long liked you. "Tae, Ha-have you already moved on from me?”

Taehyung sighs and for a second, you don’t breathe. But, you don’t have to hold it for long because when Taehyung looks at you again, a soft smile is on his face. “Unfortunately, no. Because even after all the shits you put me through, you still occupy my heart–and mind.”

“S-so, can I kiss you?”

“I’m the one who’s supposed to say that, but, ye-yeah you can kiss me. Anything for you, Y/N.”

You close your eyes and lean forward. Your lips meet his in a soft peck and everything suddenly stops. You don’t feel the perspiration on your back from all the running in the booth. You don’t think about the dust and dirt soiling your dress. All you could feel was Taehyung’s soft lips. All you could taste is the sweetness from the crumbs of cherry tart left on his lips. All that fills you nose is Taehyung’s smell that’s so naturally his and his ocean mist spray you gifted him on his birthday. All you could hear is the loud pounding of your heart, and even with your eyes closed, Taehyung’s face is all you could see. And, you can’t think of anything but Taehyung–him and him alone.

The world suddenly moves again when Taehyung leans deeper and interlocks his lips with yours. You immediately let your heart take over. You mold yourself closer to him, kissing him with every ardor you’ve kept locked in yourself for so long. You fist his shirt and Taehyung caresses your cheeks and puts his hand on the back of your neck as he kisses you deeper. You loop your arms around his neck and return the vigor of his kiss. Teeth bumping, fingers reaching and clutching onto anything, sloppy interlocking of lips–you don’t care. Even if you have your first kiss in a gloomy, creepy horror booth, nothing else mattered but the boy in front of you. Taehyung’s here and he’s finally in your arms. You don’t have to long for him from afar anymore because now he’s here with you and he’s not leaving you. He’s finally yours.

The same thought probably runs into Taehyung as you feel him grin into your lips before kissing you again. And even when the creepy background music of the booth starts again, you can only focus on the gentle way Taehyung’s thumbs coursed over your cheeks while tenderly pecks your lips as your kiss comes into a close.

As you draw back a little to look at your friend, your crush, and now your lover, Kim Taehyung, in the hideous purple uniform you used to wear in the ticket booth with silly rabbit ears perched atop his hazel locks, you can’t help but smile. Taehyung may be the center of the world while you watch him from the side, but at the end of the day, he’s right. You’re just two people who are happy being with each other. There’s no boundaries, no walls separating him from you and you from him. You just have to see him for what he is and take the leap. You don’t need to re-enact Romcom clichés just to bring him towards you because he’s never been away from you from the start.

Taehyung leans his forehead on yours and smiles. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve waited for so long for this.”

“Me too,” you grin, “And, I love you too, Tae.”

Taehyung chuckles and presses another peck on your lips.

Just right then, you can feel a vibrant white light on your face.

“Yo, lovebirds, are you finally together?”

You turn to the direction of the voice and it’s Jimin. Behind him are Lisa and Seokjin, walking from the right pathway while making kissy faces at you.

It all clicks in: Lisa and Seokjin hanging out with you, leading you to the 13th House, and disappearing like smoke the moment you reached the longest hallway of the booth. It’s to get you alone with Taehyung and finally talk everything out before you leave your part-time jobs.

You frown at your friends. But, before you can voice out how can they just up and leave you like that, Taehyung beats you to it.

“Jimin, you bastard! You pushed me towards the backstage passageway, shoved a flashlight into my hand, and just left me in the middle of this fucking scary booth. Is this how you treat your best bud?!”

Jimin laughs. “But at least you got the girl!”

“Yeah,” Lisa says. “Watching you two stupidly tiptoe around each other for so long started to make me sick.”

“And we know you two can’t sort out your stupidity alone, so we decided to give you a little push.” Seokjin looks at Taehyung. “Quite literally in your case.”

Taehyung scowls and opens his mouth but Jimin cuts him to it.

“Thank me later, lover boy. It’s time we get out of this booth. Jungkook’s gonna piss me out for practically renting the 4th stop without paying.” Jimin heads to the right path where he came from. “So let’s take our exit now so you two can finally ride together into the sunset.” He turns to you and Taehyung and smirks, “Well, literally and figuratively.”

Taehung attempts to hit him but Jimin scampers away and hollers, “You’re welcome, bro. And you too, Y/N!” Lisa and Seokjin laugh as they follow Jimin, leaving you and Taehyung walking at the back.

Taehyung turns to you. “So…are you free tomorrow? I realized I haven’t taken you to a date yet. Like, a date date”

“Yeah, I’m free. But, where will we go?”

Taehyung rubs his nape. “Well, I don’t know yet…I’m sorry I asked you when I don’t have any plans yet, I just want to be with you tomorrow–”

“It’s okay,” you smile. “We can meet at the carnival, then.”

“The carnival?”

“Yeah. Not as the prince and the ticketbooth attendant or vice versa. Just Taehyung and Y/N.”

Taehyung smiles. “I would like that. Pick you up at your house on five?”

“That’s alright with me,” you lean into his arm and look up at him, “boyfriend.”

Taehyung blushes and you giggle. You let him hold your hand as you make your way out of the horror booth to spend the rest of Enchanted Carnival’s Halloween Party with a salary waiting for you, happy and giddy, and most importantly, in love.

In every success story, there is a ninety percent probability you will hear “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Sometimes, it worked out for you, but most of the time, it didn’t. Like how you tried to use this tactic to get your crush to like you, your plans don’t usually go the way you expect them. But it’s okay, because life doesn’t work that way. It took you stressful planning days, frustrating reactions, and tearful nights for you to realize that life is not always a stage where people can just “fake” everything ‘til the script is fulfilled. Roles can be changed and mistakes can happen. What’s important is: You may have not “fake it ‘til you make it,” but at least you worked for it ‘til you made it.

A/N pt. 2 | I wrote this fic after having a massive eureka moment and I haven’t edited this out yet because it’s 2 A.M. and we die like brave men here. Anyway, planning this story was really a challenge! This is the first time I tried this AU so I researched stuff and had to like, fix and re-fix some of my plot points as I write through. Second, I wanted to incorporate the adorable prompt in a completely unexpected way so I hope it did what I intended for it to do. Also, I enjoyed making up the names of the Romcom clichés OC used. They are literal Romcom clichés but I can’t find what they’re officially called (aside from Makeover Montage) so I just made the rest up AHHAHAH. I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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handmaidensofnaboo · 6 years ago

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“Ultimately, it is very apparent this novel was noticeably, lovingly, and carefully crafted by a Prequel fan, a Padmé fan, a Handmaiden fan... Queen's Shadow is a fitting tribute.”

❦

Queen's Shadow had a somewhat impossible task for me as a handmaiden “super fan,” a potentially “tough critic,” so I commend E.K. Johnston for willingly providing me with an early copy to share my thoughts on it with you all... I was nervous about how Queen's Shadow would turn out to be honest, but EKJ was up to the task...

I'll preface this review by saying Handmaidens were my first real community engagement in fandom. My older sister and I joined the Royal Handmaiden Society on TheForce.Net boards back around 2001 when I was about 14. The RHS was the reason I went to my first convention (Celebration II) and although the group isn't as present online as it once was (please follow @royalhandmaidensociety), I made life long friends and it forever shaped and changed me. It was an overwhelmingly positive fandom experience at a very impressionable age and for that I'm forever thankful... So for those of us who have such deep roots to this, who have, for the past 20 years, analyzed the handmaidens’ every micro expression, every costume, and have carved out our own understanding of them (from what little information that would could find), this book might be a bit "complicated " to process.   At least it was for me.

With the announcement of Queen's Shadow, I was of course initially ecstatic, validated even, that they/we were being seen and heard, finally!! Yet mixed feelings slowly sunk in too. Despite us RHSers long lamenting the lack of content—handmaidens unjustly being overlooked in both Star Wars official media and for a long time in mainstream fandom—it also became this amazing small community space for each of us to freely imagine and play in. It’s been a kind of safe haven I've come to greatly appreciate. With a book featuring them... That could all potentially change. This fandom could change. I found myself wondering a few weeks ago, "Will I even like these girls? Will I love these new versions of Eiraté, Rabé, Sabé...” Something I've previously never had to consider. My fictional friends were about to be exposed on a larger than ever level, and reshaped, officially, forever. I was worried.  

I knew I had to go into this book open minded, no way could EKJ take each one of our different headcanons and fantasies and appease us all in one ultimate text—but to my surprise, there were certainly select striking scenes, moments, I had while reading, where (for me) she did accomplish just that.   After both the prologue and the first chapter in particular (which were centered around my favorite Handmaidens, from TPM), I had to put the book down for a while because I was so overwhelmed in the best kind of way. It truly was so close to capturing what I have wanted all these years that I just wanted to bask in it. Maybe that sounds silly but even simply one chapter filled with handmaidens, is an overwhelming amount of content for us to receive, let alone an ENTIRE book. This little fandom is just so used to excavating for scraps. I reread the beginning of the book again the next day, out of pure enjoyment, before I continued on.  

The unbelievable news, the great news... Something I can't believe even is real... Is that Queen's Shadow starts with handmaidens and ends with handmaidens, and there are handmaidens in… NEARLY? Every. Single. Chapter. I really never thought I'd never see the day. I’m stunned. Yes, they are different then I imagine them, but I'm happy to see them, I still like them, just the same. And Padmé, who has also been sorely ignored, unappreciated, and underutilized within general Star Wars media/merchandise, is also finally getting the spotlight she deeply deserves.

❦

Queen's Shadow is woven like an intricate tapestry threading together Padmé's stories throughout the entire prequel trilogy (especially the first two films), and highlights some of my favorite stylistic and thematic choices within them. Similar to the prequels (especially TPM) it reminded me of a period drama, with it's more formal dialogue, richly detailed costumes, ceremonies and politics, and admittedly a more contemplative pace than the swashbuckling fairy tales of the OT (but still engaging in it's own way). Also like the prequels, you get that occasional ominous foreboding, that sense of pieces being moved behind the curtains by shadowy figures, of unclear motivations by supposed "allies," of tragic destinies being spun—but still find yourself swept away by moments of hope and idealism, despite it all. There is a particularly heartbreaking yet beautiful finale moment of this book with her that was so fitting to George Lucas' vision of Star Wars, it was, as he once said, "like poetry—it rhymes." Anytime something can capture that Lucas approach to storytelling, I am thankful to be reminded of why I loved Star Wars in the first place. (Especially in the Disney era years when I've felt a bit "post break up" about the franchise, to be honest.)

Queen's Shadow is foremost about Padmé's work, shifting and hardening herself into her new role as senator. It does justice to the themes and qualities that originally enchanted and inspired me about her: fulfilling her duty to her people, her compassion for vulnerable communities, and fighting for what's right—through language, through political and inner power, strategy, and unexpected partnerships. And as always, Padmé is luminous.

There is one cause in particular she is advocating for that is notably poignant in its connections to TPM. I was incredibly pleased it was there, relieved even. It was so important and needed for her character. It enriches the choices she makes in the later films. And it is just one of a number of political themes in the book that are timeless and ever relevant, but wasn't inserted into the story in a heavy-handed way. I love that the main audience for this book (young girls), will get these meaty concepts presented to them through our beloved political heroine and the diversely talented women supporting her. While we do see the various skills and character moments of Padmé and her handmaidens, I admit (and this is just my first read impressions) they all still did feel somewhat at a distance for me. I personally would've liked to have dug deeper into their personalities. I'm not sure how to properly articulate it, but I just felt a bit left "wanting more"—for more walls to come down, to have gotten further into their inner thoughts... But I think it's partly the challenge of the large number of characters, the book’s YA length, and a personal preference of writing style. Which, in EKJ’s defense, does compliment these particular characters, who have long had these kind of untouchable, unknowable presences, these masks over them (and she does address that). I think as I reread it, my feelings on may improve as I retain all the subtleties better. But if they remain elusive, that gives us room to fill it out with our own head canons, which is something many of us all ~clearly~ enjoy! It is part of their appeal, part of why we first loved them after all.  It's also important to note the impressive attention to various Star Wars lore that is entwined throughout Queen's Shadow, from remnant gems of "Legends" handmaiden lore (and even RHS in jokes), to architectural details found in Battlefront II, to various appearances by Clone Wars characters... And many more I’m sure I’ve missed. Yet thankfully I can't recall any of it is done in a way that comes off as showy, elitist, or hard to follow (if for example, you're like me and admittedly haven't watched hardly any of the Clone Wars). Additionally, here and there, there were some scenes or lines that didn't quite hit the mark for me personally, one minor set of changes from "Legends" handmaiden ages irked me a bit (we had so little to cling to ok! lol), frustration at already established lore (such as Panaka and Clovis, which EKJ can’t help), and other things that were simply just creative choices of the author (which of course happens for me with almost every Star Wars spin-off).   

Regarding the last point, that was the only other occurrence where I put the book willingly down, this time because I needed to get some space—to process something I decidedly didn't like. It was about midway through the book regarding a particular minor storyline. I don't want to spoil, but I will say it involved a new character that, for me, was taking up too much room in a book that already had plenty of amazing characters I wanted to spend more time with. I just felt he wasn’t exactly needed, or that others easily could've substituted his place and it would've been more meaningful to the lore. These critiques are relatively minor however, and most of them are easy to move beyond, especially when I consider the bigger picture, and the majority of scenes, quotable lines, and pivotal interactions in Queen's Shadow that do seamlessly work. Those more than make up for the handful of things I struggled with.   Ultimately, it is very apparent this novel was noticeably, lovingly, and carefully crafted by a Prequel fan, a Padmé fan, a Handmaiden fan. For this I'm deeply thankful, because it's easy to imagine if it wasn't—How poorly or sloppily Padmé could've been mischaracterized or the possible omission and/or confusion regarding the handmaidens… The latter of which BOTH the revered Dave Filoni and Timothy Zahn are woefully guilty of, (full offense). It hits me sometimes how so much damage could've been done were this in less capable, less attentive hands, with an author that would've cared less. EKJ clearly cared a lot. Minor issues aside, that's really what mattered most to me, at the root of it. So I'm very glad.

  The more open minded you go in, the more you will enjoy Queen's Shadow, and (I say this for myself, as much as for anyone else who can relate) we can still make space for and enjoy our old head canons alongside to the new lore, or even mesh them together... I admittedly struggled a few times, but I definitely enjoyed reading it overall, particularly all the scenes on Naboo (and another planet that will go unnamed for now)...   If you love Padmé, the handmaidens, Naboo culture, prequel politics—this book is a must read. The more time that passes, and as I reflect back, the more I feel that Queen's Shadow is a fitting tribute to Padmé and our handmaidens, let alone the prequel era itself. Queen's Shadow will be comfortably situated on my bookshelf beside our other established classics: Queen Amidala's Journal and Queen's Amulet, and I’m looking forward to revisiting it again when the audiobook comes out (holy heck we're finally gonna hear almost all the handmaiden names pronounced??! Have we been saying them "correct" all these years?? Stay tuned lmao...) I'll probably be posting my spoiler thoughts on Queen's Shadow after the book's release on March 5, 2019. Pre-orders are available online, though I really recommend purchasing it at your local independent book store if you can, and/or requesting your local libraries get a copy! Please share your own pictures/thoughts/reviews on here, twitter, instagram etc. and tag it. We gotta encourage Disney to give us more, because this book definitively ends with an invitation for a sequel or spin off of some sort, and I, a bit desperately, want it!! The more we can support Queen's Shadow with the language Disney knows best ($$ and exposure) the better chance of future Padmé and handmaiden content, and they deserve it!! All of it—books, comics, Disney+ streaming miniseries, video games—Give them the legacy Rogue Squadron got. It's their time.  

Again, thank you so much E.K. Johnston for creating this beautiful book, and going out of your way to provide me a copy. I'll always treasure that moment when I got that surprise package in the mail, a book nearly 20 years in the waiting. I was 12 years old again, that snowy day on my porch.

  Can't wait to read everyone's thoughts. MTFBWY. ✨✨✨

Thank you for reading,

@handmaidensofnaboo

❦

♕ Pre Order Queen's Shadow

♕ Purchase Queen’s Shadow at your local independent bookstore

♕ Follow author E.K. Johnston: website | twitter | instagram | tumblr

♕ Follow cover artist Tara C. Philips: website | twitter | instagram | tumblr

#queen's shadow #ek johnston #padme amidala #handmaidens #naboo royal handmaidens #VERY minor?? barely any ~ spoilers~#um ps the background silk in this is from the inside of my original battlemaiden gown my sis made for me for celebration ii <333 #this is long im sorry #guys idk why yall write i feel sick to my stomach posting this and i edited it so many times all week aslfjaskfj #idk how yall can do this for large audiences #lmaooo

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fucknofortunato · 5 years ago

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A Real Long Rant about Goals or Andrew Talks Forever About His Past

I absolutely love playing Dungeons & Dragons and I really really enjoyed working at the Disney Theme Park. I think my love for both of these things comes out of the fact that they are the closest I’ve come to voice acting. Dungeons & Dragons combines my two aspirations in life which is to write and voice act, resulting in a usually somewhat fun experience of a game and getting to express myself in the ways I truly want to. I get to craft a story and get real-time feedback on it as the players either get invested or look for other things to do. But alas, this is not about Dungeons & Dragons.

The thing with Disney was that I didn’t want to be the carnival barker. It was a scary thought that I wanted to avoid and tried to just end up being a cashier. Being a cashier was my comfort zone, but I soon found that being a cashier inside a theme park was a far far different experience than what I had done before. My comfort zone was more so just an uncomfortable area where I was pretty aware of what needed to be done. Then they put me out on the carnival barker area and almost instantly, everything I feared faded away. I just had to be silly, shout out to people, and announce what was going on. This was essentially voice acting out into the abyss, where every so often someone catches wind and comes along.

As time moves on, every day I feel I am either distracting myself or locking eyes with the fear of failure. This fear glares into my very soul and paralyzes me, making me feel truly inadequate and unsure of what I should do next. If there are several options before me, which one do I actually choose? Will someone help me? Have I already chosen wrong?

Almost my entire life has been feeling like I’m racing the clock. Many of my dreams have been cast to the side now and it’s steadily feeling like I’ve given up on so much more. I’ve written about this before, but I feel like I’m standing before a tree bearing fruits that show my future. It was a theme explored in Aziz Ansari’s Master of None show on Netflix. Except, I’m constantly feeling like I’m misreading the fruits. They show a potential future for me if I choose to pluck out and grab it, but I don’t think I can actually grab it. When I was young and plucky, this tree was full of so many fruits. Drawing comic books, writing cartoons, being an astronaut, being a pilot, becoming a star chef, travelling the world, being an actor, being a voice actor, and probably more that I’ve since forgotten. Several times I’ve written out little guides at 3am in the morning, unable to find the respite of sleep and turning to my computer to try and map out a path to follow to achieve as much as possible.

For those of you that are reading this and know that feeling all too well, you’re probably aware that it’s essentially the New Year’s Resolution but set at any point of the year. In about a week, or god forbid even the next morning, that entire train of motivation has run out of stream and stopped short on the tracks. I’ve since learned that I don’t truly have the motivation to cultivate my hand at art and nor do I have the skill to consistently draw. I wanted to illustrate and make comics, but I’ve come to learn that I just enjoy the story crafting of it more. Writing has become a hobby that I barely touch, if but only because it should be a craft I love and not a device to become famous. I’m not particularly talented at writing up articles or on a moment’s notice. I leave many projects unfinished and start Writing Prompts only to never finish them unless given a deadline. Even then, that shorts out after a bit. I love the feeling of being on a plane and enjoy being up in the sky, but being a pilot isn’t necessarily on my list anymore. Being a flight attendant still sounds nice, but that’s supposed to be my fallback. It’s a dream job for travelling and something I truly want to do, but there’s something I want to do more. A craft I really love and would love to keep doing. I want to Voice Act.

I still want to express my voice and give life to characters. A long long time ago, my friend was talking about the people in our group of friends that did Dungeon Mastering. He said that I might not have the greatest battles or dungeons, but when I spoke, I brought my characters to life. That they enjoyed the menagerie of people I would present them with. That’s something I’ve always held close to my chest and probably the time I realized that DMing was just an outlet for me to practice Voice Acting.

I went through a long stint of no longer playing D&D. Friends moved on to a better dungeon master, I moved away (not far, but an inconvenient distance), and had a job that conflicted with my scheduling. I found a new group online and found that I was now entirely limited to express myself only by voice.

Alright, I kinda rambled a bunch of stuff there and the steam of it is starting to fade, but the point of the matter is that I’m back at that tree again. Every year I feel like I’m getting incredibly close to the hourglass running empty. I wanted to try and break into Voice Acting in my early 20′s and I had a plan to run off and give it a shot. Of course, in the end I chose not to and I did it for the dumbest reasons. I was going to join something called Americorp, which would have sent me across America and helped communities. More importantly, it would have made me deal with all sorts of people and truly expand my network of those I know. The plan was to try and join the military, a third attempt, afterwards to see if I could finally get in, have a potential career path, and pay for college.

At the last minute, a combination of abandoning a crush and the joy of getting my first apartment with some friends caused me to abandon the idea. It felt like a tough decision and I knew I had weighed it improperly. I had been approved and all I had to do was say yes and it would have been about a year of work. There’s an age limit to Americorp and I had literally just squeezed in under it. So I chose not to and now I’ll never have an opportunity like that again. But it’s okay because there’s so many people out there that have never done it and never will and they get along fine. Living on regrets is not a way to live.

After a year in the apartment, I further discovered it was truly one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. I made a new really good friend, but I lost an older good one and found out a whole group of the new friends I had made weren’t true friends and were very temporary. I found love out of the situation at least and that made me a little more happy in this future to settle with. I decided to abandon my dreams of escape, a combination of fear and keeping the status quo.Yet as time went on, I constantly found myself at the crossroads. This time, every decision meant leaving the tree and standing before the tree itself was now a choice I hadn’t considered. I thought maybe I could still stay here and find something that spoke to me. I thought maybe I could live here and still travel out to another job, that being a flight attendant could do it.

My ego would be struck a fatal blow as I finally put as much effort as I could muster into it to discover I don’t have what it takes. All the flight agencies were taking on new Flight Attendants but I was no longer desirable, if I had ever been. My age was catching up with me. My mistakes were haunting me. I am once again at that tree, but now I’m starting to see I’ve taken roots. I need to break them.

I need to break my roots, I need to break free, I need to take risks, I need to stop writing about what I need to do and I need to just do it. I need to decide if I want to go into the Military if this time works. I need to decide if I want to just up and move to the middle of nowhere to try and make new roots and just go full blown non-stop machine pursuing that career of voice acting. I still want to go to college, but do I have time? Can I postpone it another 4 years? Can I go to college in California, Washington, or New York? I need to practice, I need to make demos, I need to network and watch for openings. I need to do something and I need motivation. How do you gain motivation?

I feel like I don’t know what to do because in life there are no right answers. I mean, at some points there were right answers and I chose wrong. I waited way too long to truly wake up to what I’ve been sitting on. At this age, can I escape my burnout? No solution is a happy solution. I hurt myself or I hurt others, there’s never a scenario that hurts no one. I hate being on a plan when I’m never solid in what I want. Except to Voice Act. I may have given up sometimes, but not because I don’t want to Voice Act, but because I feel like I can’t professionally. I don’t want to make a ton of money, I just want to enjoy making art and doing voices and have a place I can comfortably call home. I want to belong somewhere. I need my motivation to stay alive. I need to practice and not worry about other people seeing it as something to be part of. To jump in and bother and subtract from what I’m doing. I want to just speak aloud. Like when I play D&D.

#rant #voice acting #dungeons and dragons #art #goals #life #what do i do

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whitewolfofwinterfell · 5 years ago

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Q for you: Do you think you'll ever 'forget' the special connection you have with characters of your favourite tv shows and movies in the future? Like, in 5-10 years, you won't be able to or care to connect with them anymore and think it's all silly and trivial? What are important things/mindsets that you took away from influential characters/shows&movies while growing up and also nowadays? 😊

Sorry for the delay, I ended up falling asleep. Wow, this is such an interesting and thought-provoking question.

I feel like I’ll always enjoy and connect to fictional universes (whether it be books, shows or movies) and the characters in them. But I suppose as I get older I may change. I don’t expect to still be on this site engaging in fandom when I’m in my 50s or 60s. I’m assuming that as I grow up my priorities will naturally shift and I won’t find fandom as important as I do now. If that does happen I hope I never dimiss it as being silly or trivial, because it’s not, it’s a very real hobby and passion for me and helped me through a lot in my life. So for the reason I feel like I’ll always be able to remember the value of certain shows and characters in my life.

As for the second part of your question, there are so many important lessons and philosophies I’ve taken from shows over the years. I’ve never really taken the time to think about how they’ve shaped aspects of the way I think or my personality, but I really think they have. So here they are:

TV Shows

Charmed - I think that Charmed definitley taught me about strong women. My mom was a single parent so I always had a role model in my life anyway, but there’s something about Charmed that’s so powerful. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige are real women who are complex, flawed and strong. I definitley think that the way I think and feel about being a woman has been shaped by Charmed a lot, especially because I watched it from such a young age. Prue has been a role model of mine since I was a child and still is, and as silly as it sounds, her actions and behaviours throughout my life have probably guided mine. It also taught me the importance of family (and I always fight to keep a close relationship with my brother as a result) and that although it’s good to be independent you’re always stronger when you have others by your side.

Friends - I’ve watched Friends constantly practically my whole life and it’s got me through so many hard times. What friends taught me is the importance of never giving up and staying positive. All of the characters go through hard times (break-ups, divorces, losing jobs, having no money etc.) but they never really sit around feeling sorry for themselves, they carry on and keep moving forward. And obviously, Friends also taught me the importance of having a group of close friends around you and how deeply that can enrich your life. As an individual character I’d say that Rachel taught me how much strength and success you can find when you step out of your comfort zone and stand on your own two feet.

LOST - You’re never alone. That’s the most significant mindset I took from LOST. No matter how isolated you feel or how alone and sad or angry, there is always someone else somewhere in the world who feels the same. It also showed me the importance of forging connections with others outside of my usual circle of family and friends, because there are so many amazing people out there and opportunties to make new connections, and it’s important to do that because every single person you connect with will be unique and bring something valuable and new into your life. And I guess that’s the other important thing I took from LOST - everyone has a function to play in our lives, everyone has something to teach us or show us and if we’re willing and open-minded we can learn and be inspired by everyone.

Skins - Being a teenager is the hardest time of our life and we all fuck up. As a teenager Skins was so important to me because I connected to it on such a personal level. To me, it was reflective of the exact time and culture I was living in (if not slightly melodramatic lol) and I saw the actions, feelings and lives of the characters and could relate to all of them in some way. I think what I took away from it is that it’s okay to make those mistakes as a teenager because it’s inevitable but in the end you have to grow up.

My Fat Diary - Everybody is strong in their own way. We all struggle, we all feel shit sometimes, we all cry and feel worthless, we all feel insecure but we have a strength within us that we don’t even realise. We show strength when we get out of bed in the morning, when we make a cup of tea for our parents, when we help an old lady to cross the road, when we get caught in the rain on the way back from work and don’t scream about it, when we listen to our friends problems despite having our own, when we do a favour for a friend. There are so many small gestures and things that we all do everyday that we take forgranted but that take strength to do. Most people are more likely to focus on their negative traits or weaknesses and put themselves down, but it’s because they fail to see the value of all of those little things that we all do everyday. On a more personal level, Rae taught me the importance of healing yourself and being happy within yourself before being in a relationship. But also the importance of being able to open yourself up to the people that love you instead of pushing them away because of your own fears and insecurities.

Angel - This has been one of the most significant shows I’ve watched recently in terms of how it’s opened up my mind. Angel taught me that despite what we’re told one person usually can’t/won’t change the world, but that doesn’t in any way diminish our value and the difference we can make. Even helping one person is important and we shouldn’t undervalue the contributions we can make. It showed me that the greatest thing any of us can do with the time we’re on earth is do what we can to make the world a better place than it was by the time we leave it. It also reminded me that friends can be family, and in fact sometimes friends can be a more fulfulling family than our biological family. It taught me the strength there is in compassion and morals, and that if we allow our moral codes and emotions for others (empathy, sympathy, gratitude, selflessness, love, appreciation) guide us, our actions will be positive. Finally Angel showed me the importance of never giving up, no matter how hopeless everything may seem. Charles Gunn ended the series about to die and his final actions were to fight an army of creatures and his final words will “Best make ‘em [his final moments] count” and that just speaks to me on such a deep level.

Buffy - There are so many lessons to be taken from Buffy. I think the main one I took from it is similar to Charmed and that’s how powerful and strong women can be. Buffy Summers is an inspirational figure to me, I think she’s incredible. The resillience, determination and courage she displays floors me and she’s exactly the kind of role model I look up to.

Movies

Hector and the Search for Happiness (2014) had a profound affect on me when I watched it and made me realise that having amazing life experiences and travelling will not necessarily make you happy and that what you think might be the root of your happiness might not be at all.

13 Going on 30 (2004) taught me to always be upfront and honest about your feelings when you love someone even if you get rejected or get your heartbroken, and also how special friendship is (not that I didn’t know that already, but it really reinforced it for me).

School of Rock (2003) showed me the value of having fun in the classroom, of having a teacher that is able to speak to pupils on a level and the value of letting kids explore other creative and practical avenues outside of traditional academia (maths, science etc.).

Titanic (1997) has always been inspiring to me because I learned so much from both Jack and Rose. I learned how important it is to be courageous enough to follow your heart no matter how scary it might be, that material posessions and money do not equate to happiness, that love can happen quickly in certain circumstances, that even someone that has been in our life for the shortest amount of time can have the greatest impact, that fun and passion and adventure are a necessary part of life and definitley of love.

Matilda (1996) taught me that we’re all special in our own way. There are so many more I could name

Disney (my faves were Lion King, 101 Dalamatians, Oliver and Company, Dumbo and Bambi) taught me to always be true to myself and to be brave enough to follow my heart and do what’s right no matter what.

There are so many other shows and movies I could list, because I think that I take something valuable from most things I watch, but these are the main ones that came to mind. Interestingly, I think I definitley took more value from shows/movies I watched when I was younger in comparison to shows I’ve watched more recently. Perhaps that’s because when I was a child and teenager I was more lost and so actively looking for the kind of shows/movies and characters that would help guide and inspire me. I think this really shows the value of television and film and why it means so much to so many of us on this site.

I named shows and movies rather than characters, but I think if I named characters the list would be even longer because there are so many characters that I’ve connected with over the years that have genuinely helped me get through things. I think that characters are a great way for people to deal with internal thoughts and feelings. I don’t want to list characters now because this is already long enough, but let me know if you want me to talk more specifically about characters and I’d be happy to.

Thanks for asking!

#answered #anonymous #personal #this really got me thinking #thanks anon #it was really interesting to think about this #and made me realise how much value shows/movies have

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jandjsalmon · 7 years ago

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11 Questions Game

Holy Hannah! I spent my holiday weekend at the symphony (Final Fantasy: Distant Lands - SO GOOD!), playing on the lake for the first boat trip of the season, and paintballing my little heart out and generally hanging out with my irlbgf - and yet while I was away, I was tagged by some of my favourite, absolutely amazing wonderful lovely fellow Buggies in the fun

I promise I wasn’t ignoring you! I love you all and I would like to answer all five of you - so that's 55 questions instead of just 11. That means that I DEFINITELY have to put it under a cut because it will eat up your dashboard and maybe some of you aren't all that interested in my answers. lol.

BUT if you're interested at all in my answers and who I am, I hope you'll click. :)

From the awesome and ever talented and wonderful @believe-that-you-can-my-friend 💙💛

1. What’s your favourite piece of clothing you own?

I have a pair of black velour pajama pants. It is my most favourite things in the world. They feel like velvet.

2. What fictional place would you most like to go?

The Starship Enterprise. The Future and the Federation seems like a pretty groovy society to live in.

3. What’s the best way to start the day?

With overnight updates to all your favourite Bughead fics that you MUST read and review before getting into the shower.

4. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

I'm not into Fifty Shades of Gray. I mean - I have no problem with BDSM - I simply have a problem with bad writing.

5. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

My kids are growing up! Within the next ten years all three of my kids will be gone/leaving for college. I'll be an empty nester with my super dreamy hubby.

6. What city would you most like to live in?

I love where I live - Calgary is the best - but other than just saying "here" - I guess I'd choose London.

7. What movie title best describes your life?

It's a Wonderful Life.

8. What irrational fear do you have?

Clowns. I hate them. My husband tells me that it's an irrational fear all the time - but it doesn't FEEL irrational.

9. In your group of friends, what role do you play?

I'm generally the centre of attention. In real life, I want people to be comfortable and as engaged as I am - so I talk a lot and ask lots of questions so that they'll feel more comfortable sharing as well. People like me - oftentimes more than I like them. In fandom life I'm kinda like that too - but I like to play the roll of the cheerleader and support and over excited and passionate fangirl. In general, I like being /nice/ and I get something out of people loving me as much as I adore them.

10. What are you most insecure about?

Um... the same physical insecurities that most people have. I guess that I'll be so over-the-top that people will think I'm fake or that I'm silly.

11. What are you most likely to become famous for?

I'm technically writing a novel... that will probably never be published. But I guess that's the only ever way I'd be famous.

From the freaking fabulous @gellbellshead 💙💛

1. What is your favourite food?

Potatoes. Whether it's mashed, soup, fries (poutine!), or whatever. I love potatoes of all sorts. YUM.

2. What is your favourite movie genre and your favourite movie from that genre?

Um. I like lots of different kinds of films but I guess I like Sci Fi the most. My favourite Sci Fi is probably Serenity. But I actually have a list of five favourite ALL TIME movies of various genres: Stardust, Schindler's List, Serenity, EuroTrip, and French Kiss.

3. Favourite Disney movie.

Meet the Robinsons or Brave.

4. Do you prefer to read fluff or angst?

I like there to be a HEA - so if there has to be angst - as long as I get a happy ending I'm cool. I like to call that Flangst. I really like plot driven fics - but I also love fluffy one-shots... I'm fairly easy. Just don't split up my OTP please.

5. Any siblings?

I'm the youngest of five - my brother is the oldest, and then three sisters, then me.

6. Your favourite fictional character?

Elizabeth Bennet

7. Your favourite person in real life?

My sweetheart, Jay. He's my person.

8. Your top 5 songs of all time?

Bizarre Love Triangle - Stabbing Westward (a New Order Cover) Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller Monkey Tree - Mother Mother Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club Sleepwalk - Santo and Johnny

9. What it the biggest risk you have ever taken?

Um. I'm not really a risk taker.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

I "seen" it. Irregardles. Supposably. (I really hate bad grammar)

11. How would your friends describe you?

Loud and fun. Kinda silly.

From the ever lovely, @wordsonpages1 💙💛

1. Favourite colour?

Mossy green

2. Favourite book?

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Random Passage by Bernice Morgan. The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman

3. What is your mantra or life motto?

As a family, we have a motto "Salmons don't do Shortcuts" - but personally I have two additional mantras. I have a scripture that is very important to me Mark 5:36 "Be not afraid, only believe." and a song with lyrics that I call my mantra: The song is called Chances by Kirby Heyborne and the line in particular is, "I am hope. I believe. I am alive. I am every thing. I have come to take these chances. I wonder when things will go my way. I was born to live my life and no one tells me who I am."

4. The number one thing that draws you to a person?

I'm shallow. Smile - shoulders - smell.

5. Who is your idol or inspiration?

Queen Elizabeth II Hannah Senesh My grandpa.

6. Places you would like to travel to?

All over Europe.

7. A perfect day would entail?

Sleeping late. Hours reading in the bathtub with no interruptions.

8. Dream job?

Can they pay me to read Bughead fanfiction all day?

9. Ultimate life goal?

To retire and travel with my sweetie and raising well adjusted and cool kids.

10. What do you like/ love most about yourself?

I love that I'm fun and passionate about stuff.

11. Sunrise or Sunset?

Sunset for sure. Mornings suck.

From my girl @jugandbettsdetectiveagency - 💙💛

1. Describe your aesthetic?

Jughead Jones shaking the soap? (does that count?)

2. Favourite place you’ve ever visited?

Visited is an interesting word. My favourite PLACE is the riverbottom at the bottom of the Coulee in Lethbridge. It's home. I love it.

3. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Nanaimo Bars.

4. Biggest regret?

After my BA I should have gone to Grad school. Or I should have become a Dental Hygenist or something - but I got a History Degree because I love History. I don't work in that field at all so even though I spent $50,000 to become an official Historian... I could have become something else, that would have probably made me a lot happier than what I'm doing and remained an amateur Historian.

5. You’ve been put in the middle of a fantasy battle, what is your weapon of choice?

Double edged lightsaber.

6. Favourite outfit?

Not counting my favourite pajama pants... I have this super cute red and gold paisley handkerchief shirt I bought in Mexico. I love it.

7. Have you ever been in love?

Twice. I was lucky enough to find my sweetheart when I was 19 years old. The love I felt for the bloke before Jay was minuscule in comparison to what I feel for my husband - but it was still love.

8. Favourite thing, fan fiction or not, you’ve ever read?

I can’t answer that. I read too many delicious things.

9. Main thing you look for in a person?

Sardonic sense of humour.

10. What is your earliest memory?

I remember my fourth birthday party really clearly.

11. You’re stranded on a desert island, what one item (that isn’t a boat) would you want with you?

Can I have two? A hammock and a book?

And lastly - from the wonderful @peacelovebughead 💙💛

1. What’s your go-to pump up song?

Well lately it’s been Believer by Imagine Dragons - but normally it’d be something from Two Door Cinema Club or like Take on Me by A-Ha or something. lol.

2. If you could travel absolutely anywhere, where would you go?

Auschwitz.

3. What Hogwarts house do you belong to?

Hufflepuff

4. Thunder or Lightning?

Lightning

5. When do you feel most confident?

When I’m doing something I’m good at and people around me KNOW I’m good at it.

6. What is one of your favourite memories?

I don’t know if I have ‘favourite’ memories. Yesterday at the lake with my husband and my kids (who are teenagers and fight a lot!) - I got to hear them happily laughing and joking and having a wonderful time. That’s today’s favourite memory.

7. Who is a fictional character that you relate to? Why?

Dude. Kevin Keller is a gay, male version of me. And my brother and husband are cops so I relate to that part of him too. lol.

8. If you could wake up famous tomorrow, would you do it?

If I could keep my happy family and my morals - then sure.

9. What is one of your proudest accomplishments?

How about that $50,000 piece of paper I have hanging on my office wall that announces to the world that I’m officially allowed to have an opinion on British History along with the roots and causes of Totalitarianism. Getting that was pretty great.

10. If you were to live in a fictional world, which world would you choose?

Asked earlier - but I’d say the Star Trek universe would be the place to be.

11. If you were to pick a colour palette to describe you, what colours would you choose?

Jewel tones.

#11 questions #thank you all for tagging me #sorry it took so long to reply #real life ate me

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shewhowantsmouseears · 8 years ago

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Love Like Lava, 4

Notes: As always, big thanks to my wonderful editors Drucilla and Blueshifted!

We finally meet Hera (who, like Zeus, isn't based on any actual Disney character), along with Hermes and Hades! For those not in the know, Fethry is a comics-only duck, Donald's kooky cousin!

Also, for when Minnie finally lays eyes on the mystery man... I like to think an incredibly sappy love song is playing despite not having been recorded for several hundred centuries yet. What do you think it is?

Summary: Minnie meets the Queen of the Gods, the Messenger of the Gods, and the God of Death. Each meeting goes better than the last - but it's the Forgotten God that changes her life forever.

An unknown god – Minnie couldn't ask for a more thrilling mystery! Daisy had declared they would meet up the next day, as she would travel to the Underworld and ask her husband what he knew. That left Minnie with only one fruitless option – asking the narcissistic souls upon Mount Olympus. Minnie had hoped at the very least that such a curious question would strike their interests and get them to actually tell her something besides how grand they were and how beautiful she was.

She had no such luck.

“Never heard of him,” Gladstone answered while looking at himself in a hand mirror and trying to pull on Minnie's hand so her vision would be captured in the reflective glass as well. “Don't we look absolutely amazing? It's like you were meant to stand right next to me. Maybe that's why you were born, to be with me! Am I lucky or what?”

“No idea,” Mortimer replied while lounging around on a soft couch and drinking heavily. “You know what the best thing is after a good drink? A good nap! And would you look at that, there's enough room for two.” He over exaggerated his yawn, stretching his arms out to show how much space there was as if that would entice Minnie to stay with him.

“Who cares?” Ares grunted, sitting on his throne of armor and shields and glaring hotly at his Viewing Mirror. “I still can't find a single decent war around! I have half a mind to go down there and stir things up. Say, why don't we make a date out of it?” He cupped his stubbly chin in one hand, grinning as the very thought cheered him up. “You, me, and a whole battalion of soldiers fighting for no real reason! How's that for a good time?”

Minnie looked from man to man, her shoulders slumped in disappointed disbelief. “Really? None of you are even the tiniest bit interested?” That was far more insulting than simply not knowing the answer. “This is brand new! This is exciting! We should try to find out who it is! We can all learn something together!” The very idea of it should have been appealing, yet they merely blinked at her before resuming their hobbies. “Doesn't it bother any of you that there's something you don't know?”

“Why should it?” Pete rested his arms behind his head, letting his gut flop onto his thighs. “I know all the important stuff, like how many swings of a sword it takes to decapitate someone. 'Sides, all the important gods are here on Mount Olympus. Anyone who lives down there with the mortals might as well be a mortal – they sure ain't as amazing as I am.”

“For once, Pete's right,” Mortimer rolled a grape down his shoulder before popping it into his palm. “The only reason anyone would want to go down there is for a quick party. Whoever this Mickey is, he's gotta be a real loser if he prefers mortals over us.”

If that's what made a loser, Minnie was starting to think she'd prefer being a loser to being a goddess. “So you're all just going to sit here and...and do nothing about this? Nothing at all?” How could they possibly think they were superior to mortals who worked for a living, when these lazybones only partied and fought?

“Awww, she's even beautiful when she's annoyed!” Gladstone cooed, twirling his finger into one of Minnie's curls while she rolled her eyes. “C'mere, let's take a good long look at our gorgeous selves, that'll get a smile back on those lovely lips!”

“Hey, don't bogart the babe!” Mortimer tossed a grape at Gladstone's head, missing it by an inch. “She'd much rather take it easy with me than gawk at you.”

“Don't you start that stupid stuff again!” Pete slammed his fist down on his armrest, breaking it momentarily. “She's my gal, and if she's gunna smile at anyone, it's gunna be me! Don't you forget it!”

As the usual argument began up, Minnie slowly rubbed her hands on her face. Was it just her, or were these silly fights getting quicker to start every time she was around? Shouldn't Zeus put them in their place, before all of Olympus got involved?

But that's when it hit her – Zeus! The leader of the gods, ruler of Mount Olympus, the most powerful being, surely if there was someone who knew anything, it had to be him! As Minnie left behind the fisticuffs over flirting, she raced for Zeus and Hera's thrones.

Unlike many of the rooms that floated and settled on the magic mountain, their thrones stayed in one place, so they could watch over the entire mountain at once. Minnie hadn't gone near it since her first day here, and she slowed down as she saw who was there, and who was not. The massive golden throne to the left was empty, the leader of the gods not on the mountain. Between the seats grew wide, soft white flowers that continuously dripped sweet-smelling nectar that Minnie recalled being served to her many times during her short life. In the golden throne adjacent, sat a goddess that Minnie was mostly unfamiliar with – yet felt instantly intimidated.

There sat a woman ten feet tall, and who would be taller if she wasn't hunched over and drinking from a bejeweled goblet. Though she was dressed beautifully in rainbow silks and endless glittery baubles adorning her skin, her eyes were darker than the harshest winter's night. Her auburn hair spiraled all around her, reaching all the way down to the floor. A yellow circlet hugged her forehead tightly, her skin was pale and weary, and when she pulled the goblet away, Minnie could see that woman was scowling, scowling, scowling as if it was the only expression she was capable of. With her drink empty, the woman began to reach over to pluck one of the white flowers, but when she saw Minnie, she stopped in place.

This was Hera, Queen of the gods, and Zeus' wife.

“Hello,” Minnie squeaked nervously, waving her fingers. “I, um, don't suppose you know where Zeus is?”

Like everyone who met Minnie, there was a few seconds of enraptured confusion as Hera looked upon the smaller goddess. But once those seconds passed, she slammed her empty goblet down on the arm rest, her teeth exposed as she spoke each harsh word with a snarl. “And WHY are YOU looking for HIM, oh lovely APHRODITE?” Her long pink painted fingernails clutched her chair as she bent down towards Minnie, her voice booming across the mountain. “Have his FLIRTATIONS captured YOU? Are YOU now to bear HIS child?”

“W-w-what?!” Minnie backed up, her heart pounding in fright. She'd been so used to everyone loving her instantly that someone approaching her with hate was a brand new experience. She looked behind her, having a small hope that her unwanted entourage that she'd left behind would come to her aide. In the distance they were now brawling, Pete having Mortimer in a headlock and Gladstone using his hand mirror to slap back any tossed grapes. “No, not at all!” Minnie shouted, trying to straighten herself up and face Hera's wrath head on. “I would never be with a married man!”

“HA!” It was less of a laugh and more of a roar, and Hera's shoulders rolled. “That's what THEY all SAY! But if there was someone my husband WANTS, it shall be HIS to have! Even NOW, he is frolicking on the mortal plane, CHASING some pretty thing, while I am HERE! Are you WAITING for his return, so you can BASK in his ARMS?” She threw down the goblet, and it shattered into a dozen pieces, coating the floor in anguish. “Are you the SAME? That because you are so BEAUTIFUL, you may have whatever it is you DESIRE?”

“There's – there's been a huge misunderstanding!” Later on, Minnie would feel very offended that Hera would accuse her of such behavior without even getting to know her. For now, she was too afraid, and tried to walk around the broken goblet pieces, some of them bigger than she was. “Look, I only came here to ask him something...and, well, maybe I can ask you? Please?” Hera leaned back into her seat, arms crossed, fingers tapping along her arms. It wasn't a “no”, so Minnie tried, placing her flat hands together. “Would you happen to know about a god named Mickey?”

Hera's brows knit, and a few creases in her skin gave away that she was actually thinking about it. But when she couldn't come up with an answer, she snorted hard through her nose. “And why should I know EVERY single god or goddess or demigod or mortal or WHATEVER it is on the lands?” With one nod of her sharp chin, the goblet began to reassemble itself – Minnie had to jump in order to avoid being carried by one of the shards. “It is the NATURE of the gods to take whoever they PLEASE – my husband may have HUNDREDS of children, as do the many immortals upon Mount Olympus. The life of ONE god holds no meaning!”

Minnie decided it was official – everyone on Mount Olympus was useless, including herself. “And let me guess, it doesn't bother you at all that there's a god down there you don't know about.”

With the goblet restored, Hera snatched it back up, and yanked one of the white flowers hard enough that its roots came up as well. “Did you long to add another MAN to your collection of ADMIRERS? Every day, we hear your lovers FIGHTING, more and more with each passing DAY!”

“They are not my lovers!” Indignation became stronger than fear, and Minnie dared herself to stare at Hera's face without backing off. “I never asked anyone to admire me! Can't you or Zeus make them stop? I don't want to be with any of them!”

“Why should we deem PUNISHMENT, when it is your own BEAUTY that is the cause of this STRIFE?” Hera tilted the flower downward, the nectar flowed smoothly into the goblet with an endless supply. “You have only YOURSELF to blame.”

Minnie had heard many incredulous and ridiculous things on both the mountain and the mortal plane. She knew in time she would understand them. But this was the most foolish thing she had ever heard of, and she knew right away she would never understand it. “You're saying this is my fault?!” Her delicate hands rolled into fists, and she found the ground beneath her shaking – once again stunning all those around her, as she remained oblivious to why they were stunned. “I don't know anything about myself, or anything around me, or even where I came from! I don't know anything at all! But I do know I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't ask to be born, or to look this way! And when I do ask something, no one wants to tell me anything! That's not my fault!” The shaking intensified, with Mortimer and Gladstone trying to use a bewildered Pete as a shield in case anything else happened, and Hera gripping onto her throne for dear life. “Now I'm going to find some answers, and if you see Zeus, tell him unless he has my answers, then I don't want to hear him whining either!”

Unable to stand being on the mountain for a minute longer, Minnie separated the clouds beneath her and vanished. With that, the shaking stopped, and the palace of the immortals was quiet. Once everyone was quite sure it had gone for good, they resumed their drinking and fighting and napping and other lazy activities. Why should that concern them? It was someone else's problem, at least for today. The trio tried to blame one another, since they'd each been at the scene of the “crime” the last time the shaking had occurred, each theory more foolish than the last.

Hera was silent, no longer drinking, her mind working faster than all the gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus put together. A spurned woman didn't mean a stupid woman.

~*~

Daisy had told Minnie that they had to meet up at a certain place because of her husband's “limits”, but Minnie was still shaking with rage about the entire unfair affair from above. Because of the anger boiling her blood, she found she couldn't sit still and wait for her friend. She stomped away from the clear grassy field and headed forward, not caring where she went. She would have given anything for a distraction, anything to stop thinking about idiotic male pride and foolish female jealousy, and she was so wrapped up in her temper that she didn't realize she'd walked into a mortal village. She would have kept marching onward, when a tiny cry touched her ears.

“Is great-great-great grandpa really going to die?”

Minnie almost tripped over her own feet, and she jerked her head up, seeing a rather large family of mortals standing in and around a humble home that had a cracked door. Many of them were holding lit candles and quietly praying, if not murmuring to other members of the family. The child in question, perhaps no more than six, was tugging on his mother's dress, sniffling back tears. His mother tenderly stroked his brown locks, speaking gently. “It may be his time, my son. He has lived a long life, far longer than any man has, and we must see him off with a smile, all right?” The child tried to nod even if he didn't entirely agree.

It would have been a very depressing and solemn scene if not for the second sound Minnie heard – cheerful whistling. That belonged to the only duck on the scene, casually leaning against the window and checking inside every so often. Minnie recognized him from Mount Olympus, though those times were often only bursts of seconds, since he was constantly on the move. This was Hermes, the messenger god, who delivered important words from one to another. Both his red flopped hat and his loose red sandals had tiny wings on them that flapped endlessly, and his imperial robes seemed two sizes too big for him. With a scroll on one hand and a quill in the other, he tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for something inside. “Dead yet? … Nope. How about now? … Nope. ...Maybe now? … Dang it, this guy is taking forever.”

“What in the world are you doing?” Minnie asked, easily slipping by unnoticed by the weeping mortals. Though she had wanted a distraction, his blasé attitude seemed a little cruel. “Why are you waiting for this poor man to die?”

Hermes glanced up, and was very surprised to see who was talking to him. “Whoa! Aphrodite herself! Didn't know you left the mountain! This is an honor, miss, real honor.” He bowed his head respectfully, even making sure his hat was tipped. But when he returned to a proper standing position, whatever he'd been waiting for happened. “Whoops! I'd loved to chat, but duty calls!”

“Duty?” Minnie asked, but Hermes had already darted inside the house. Whenever she'd seen him on Olympus, he did seem to be sidetracked by every little thing. Anything he was vehemently interested in tended to last for a handful of seconds. But as soon as he was in, he was out, and now with a guest! He was holding onto the wrist of a mortal, one who had clearly seen many decades in his time, with a gray beard that could have been used to make ten sweaters. Yet unlike all the other mortals, he was clearly floating a few inches above the ground, and his skin was a mix of paste white and blue. His eyes were closed, resigned to let Hermes tug him along.

“Come on, guy, up and at 'em.” Hermes clicked his tongue. “The big boss is already pretty upset. He's going to see the wife today, and you're cutting into that time.”

“Big boss?” Minnie repeated while trying to touch the mortal – but unlike Hermes, her fingers went right through him. “Oh! … Isn't Zeus everyone's big boss?”

“Well, yes.” Hermes admitted, kicking his heels together so that his wings would flap much faster. “But this is my other big boss. Second big boss. Co-boss. And I gotta meet him really soon, or else I'm never going to heard the end of it.” As he began to hover upwards, the deceased mortal came up with him. “Catch you later, Aphrodite! Let's do brunch! It's the latest sensation sweeping the nation!” As he began rambling on the merits of doughnuts versus waffles, he suddenly sped off into the air – but not too fast that Minnie couldn't follow after him, which she decided she was going to do that very second.

Coincidences are amazing things once you took the time to stop and think of them. Minnie began to wonder if Daisy was right, and that coincidences were really destiny. Hermes was headed for the exact same spot Minnie was supposed to wait in, landing down on the grass in the middle of the night. Minnie, who had been more or less accidentally led back, was about to catch up and ask what was going on – and that's when the ground opened up, and a fountain of black smog exploded into the area. Gasping back a shriek, Minnie fell on her tail, unable to turn away from whatever that gaping hole was – and whatever was crawling out of it. The being itself was made out of black smog as well, a hulking shape that could tower over any seasoned soldier. Eyes the color of dried blood bored out of the creature, and a hideous rumbling noise echoed out.

“FOOLISH MORTAL! YOUR TIME HAS COME!”

Once again Minnie found herself utterly frightened, and she held her arms over her head as if that would protect her. The sound of this creature chilled her heart, as if bones were being slowly scraped together, and the monster continued to grow in size, heaving in hatred. She wished she was brave enough so she could do something, help save that poor mortal and Hermes -

Except they weren't afraid at all. The ghostly mortal appeared to be dozing off, and Hermes was bored, checking things off his scroll. After a moment, he lifted his beak. “Uh, sir?”

“YOU THINK YOU CAN BEND A GOD TO YOUR WILL? IT IS MORTALS WHO SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT WE CAN DO!”

Hermes sighed. “Sir.”

“TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN'T DEMAND YOUR NEW FORM TO GROVEL AT MY FEET FOR ALL THAT I HAVE DONE!”

“Siiiiiir.”

The monstrosity then shoved itself at Hermes, the smoke coating his white feathers and making the green grass beneath them brown and wither. “WHAT IS IT, FETHRY?!”

“Well,” Hermes – chosen name Fethry, if Minnie had to guess – lightly tapped the quill to his scroll. “You told me to let you know whenever you did that thing and...you're doing it now.”

“...I AM?” The beast drew back slowly, before seeming to look upon itself. “AW, PHOOEY, I AM. HOLD ON.” It appeared to take a gigantic intake of breath, and then in one mighty huff, all of the smoke blasted away like a massive sneeze. The noise appeared to wake up the mortal, but he also seemed to be unfazed by these circumstances, lightly brushing smoke off of his skin.

Once the smoke cleared, there stood another duck, although he was a good head taller than Fethry. His outfit was similar to a young sailor, decked in a blue coat over a golden robe, choosing to wear cloth shoes instead of sandals. His face was coated in black and red makeup, though he was vigorously rubbing it off his face with his robe. “Sheesh, every single time I lose my cool this happens...Hand me that quill, will you?” His voice, while a little garbled, was now nothing like the gloom and doom mere minutes before. With the quill in hand, he used it to chop away at the ridiculously long ponytail jutting out the back of his head. “Anyway... where was I? … Oh, right.” With his head free, he ran a hand through his head feathers. “Look, mister Bakkhos.” The mortal blinked upon being addressed. “I really had to haggle with the Sisters of Fate over you. And that's not fun. Ever. But...” He sighed, chucking the quill aside for Fethry to catch. “You can go after you see your great-great-great-granddaughter's wedding.”

The mortal's weary lips smiled, and he bowed as low as he could without his spine breaking – though he was a ghost, so he probably wasn't too worried about that. “You are most gracious, Lord Hades. I can never repay you for your kindness.”

“Yeah, you can't,” Hades huffed, turning his head away with his hands on his hips. “But this is the absolute last time! I don't care how much you cry, next time is your last time! All mortals gotta die! Now, go back home and enjoy the wedding, you stubborn old coot.” He waved a hand, hoping to get rid of them both. “I gotta see the wife. She's counting on me for something big.”

Fethry took the man by the wrist once more, but Bakkhos cupped his chin in thought. “You know, if it's not too much trouble, I would like to live to marry again-”

“GET YOUR OLD CARCASS OUT OF HERE, YOU PAIN IN THE BUTT!” Hades had poofed back into his smog and spooky form, sending any nearby trees shaking with his shout.

Fethry quickly saluted and dragged the man off before any more trouble could be had. But that meant Hades had to un-poof himself, wipe off the make-up again, and lacked anything to cut off the additional spontaneous ponytail. “Doggone stubborn little... Posideon can't control his scales, Zeus can't control his mind, so why do I get the uncontrollable make-over?!” As he fussed over his aggravating appearance, he finally spotted Minnie, who had been watching this entire scene with rapt attention. The usual seconds of shock passed, and then Hades smiled. “Why, a gal that pretty has to be Aphrodite! Daisy told me all about you!” He offered his hand to help her stand up.

The last piece of the puzzle connected, and Minnie clamped her tiny hands onto Hades'. “You're Daisy's husband!” As soon as their hands met, Minnie could feel the love between husband and wife flow through her – devotion, admiration, respect, this was a happily married man who had found true love. Instead of a simple hand shake, Minnie launched herself into a hug, throwing Hades off for a bit. “Oh, I knew those boors on Mount Olympus couldn't be right about you! Daisy would never marry a mean, scary kidnapper!”

“Thanks? I think?” Hades awkwardly pat Minnie's head, trying to push her back. “I don't know what those guys say about me up there – don't really care much either – but any pal of Daisy's is a pal of mine.” He slapped a hand to his chest, sending the remains of the smoke away. “My chosen name is Donald! Named after a really heroic sailor! And yours is... Minnie, right? Suits you, little girl!”

There was warmth and sincerity in his speech – unlike the other male gods, he wasn't trying to butter her up or win her over. He didn't have to, he was already taken. “Yes, but I didn't take my name from anyone. I just...chose my chosen name.”

Donald chuckled. “Sounds about right to me! And I know just what you're looking for. All we have to do now is wait for my better half. She'll be here any second.” Any second turned out to be that second, as a flurry of flower petals flooded their vision, revealing Daisy standing to their side.

Daisy opened her mouth, but when she saw Minnie, and then Donald, she dropped her hands with a whine. “Oooh, I wanted to introduce the two of you to each other! I had a whole big spiel planned! It was going to be so cute!” Defeated, she faced Donald, kissing his cheek. “You were polite to her, weren't you?” “Of course I was!” Donald pouted, offended that he would be otherwise. “I'm always a gentleman! Besides, I knew it was her right away. You talk about her so much, I had her down to the exact detail. The big ears, the black fur, the twinkle in her eye-”

Daisy snapped Donald's beak closed with her fingers, cheeks pinking. “That's more than enough.”

Minnie giggled, at first not wanting to interrupt the moment. She felt she would have been content to watch them talk with each other hours on end even if she was ignored. Watching a real life pair of lovers was fascinating. But her own love for her friend couldn't be contained. “Oh Daisy, I love you too!” That got another hug.

“I didn't say anything like that!” Daisy insisted, blushing deeper in humility without making any effort to get Minnie off. “Donald, you're always exaggerating!”

Donald freed his beak with a slap of the hand. “I've always said you could use a friend!”

“You have never said that! Not even once! Besides, you need friends too!” “I've got plenty of friends! Like... um... ah... er... Fethry!”

“Fethtry works for you, that doesn't count!”

“Ah, shaddap! What do you know?”

“You shut up, I know everything!”

“No you don't, that's why you asked me to find that Mickey guy, remember?”

Minnie blinked, finally remembering the original quest. “Oh! Mickey!” She untangled herself from Daisy, filled with excitement. “Did you find out who this Mickey is? No one seems to know, not even anyone from Mount Olympus!”

“Ah, those guys wouldn't know their toes from their elbows,” Donald shook his head, and then began to look through all the vast pockets of his outfit. “I asked all the souls in the Underworld, but I finally found some dead mermaids who knew the name. I could barely hold their attention for more than a minute, so all that I got is that he's some recluse on this far away island...a-ha! Here we go!” He pulled out a rolled up map, and unfurled it before them. “If I wasn't the god of Death, I bet I'd be the god of cartography.” He grinned in pride, smoothing the map out on his chest. “Now, your man Mickey is all the way over here.” He pointed to an island that was so far from the rest of Greece that it threatened to leave the map entirely. “Nothing and no one visits that place, except for mermaids and nereids... and seagulls, probably. They all have the same sized brain in the end.”

Daisy frowned, tilting her head this way and that. “That's all they know? That he's some hermit in the middle of nowhere? I gotta say I'm kinda disappointed.”

Donald shrugged, handing the map over. “Apparently he makes jewelry for them, but that's about all I could get them to say. Can't say he rings any bells for me.” Yet as he said that, his finger stayed on the map, continuing to circle that one island over and over. No, the name “Mickey” meant nothing to him. The circumstance, however... Could it be true? Did he want it to be true? A hard lump formed in his throat that refused to go away.

“Can we go see him?” The mystery was far from solved, so Minnie was far from satisfied. She bounced on her feet, hands clasped together, nudging Daisy repeatedly. “Please please please? I want to learn something that other people haven't learned! And I don't even know what a hermit is!”

Daisy rolled up the map and lightly bopped Minnie on the nose. “Oh, calm down, of course we'll go. Now that I know where the island is, I can take us there easily.” So far this Mickey sounded pretty boring, but she couldn't deny Minnie's wish. “But don't go crying to me if he's not everything you dreamed of.” Egos were pointless things, but Daisy felt she had to put up a false image in order to maintain some dignity in front of her friend.

Minnie clapped her hands in glee before whipping around to Donald. “Come with us! This is going to be so much fun! And I want to know everything about you two! How you met, your first date, your first kiss, your first time holding hands-”

“Tempting, but no,” Donald swiftly interrupted Minnie's babbling, not wanting to know what other firsts she could inquire about. “I'm cutting it close as is. I've got a strict schedule to stick to, it takes me forever to free up any time. Death stops for no one.” He lightly pat Minnie's cheek. “But it was good meeting you, kid. If you're with Daisy, it won't be the last you see of me.” This time he accepted Minnie's hug with a little less stiffness, and when it was over, he offered Daisy a kiss. “Next time we're together... I want to hear all about this, okay? I mean it.” His voice dipped into a low tone for an unusual seriousness. But he quickly distracted Daisy from whatever that meant. “You be nice.”

“I am always nice,” Daisy said after stomping on Donald's foot, vanishing with her friend.

After Donald rubbed his sore foot, he stayed there for a moment longer than his schedule permitted. What was he worried about? There was no definite proof about who Mickey was. Maybe it was just one of Zeus' children, or some mortal whose fame skyrocketed into false gossip. Mickey could be just about anyone.

But if he was someone...Donald closed his eyes, lowering himself back into the Underworld. He had spent decades checking each and every soul that passed into his territory to see if they were the one, and still hadn't found him. He was prepared to see him dead. He wasn't prepared for what would happen if he was alive.

“Maybe I should've been the god of guilt instead,” he mumbled to himself as the earth swallowed him whole.

~*~

It was early morning by the time the girls landed on the correct island – for all of Daisy's grandstanding, she was not the demigoddess of directions. When they did land on the correct one, they weren't even sure they were on the correct one. They walked along a sandy beach with Daisy holding the map up in the air, squinting at the various lines.

“Why don't we just ask someone for directions?” Minnie asked, collecting seashells as they walked along.

“I don't need directions!” Daisy snapped, a cactus of irritation popping into her hair. “It's the map that's wrong! Or maybe the mermaids were wrong! Because I'm not wrong!”

Minnie didn't want to argue, and to her relief she saw up ahead she didn't have to. “I think you're right.”

“Of course I'm right!” Daisy paused. “...Wait, I am?”

Past the sandy beach and the large jagged rocks, the sun was glinting off a golden figure walking to the cliff shore. It looked like a bizarre mortal covered entirely in gold, and Minnie couldn't help but think she'd seen that face somewhere before. But this figure was clearly female, so it couldn't have been Mickey. She was carrying a wicker basket bursting with accessories and trinkets, lightly tossing them one by one toward the water.

In the water was a gaggle of giddy mermaids and nereids, jumping up to catch their prizes. As Minnie and Daisy carefully continued to approach, the jagged rocks on the beach got bigger and bigger, often blocking their view. As they got closer, they could hear the sea sirens coo the name, “Mickey, Mickey, Mickeeey!”

Daisy found him first, and she yanked on Minnie's shoulder, causing her to drop two seashells. “Hey, that must be him, he's the only guy here!” She pointed at the man sitting on the edge of the rocks, his legs dangling towards the ocean, handing out his own share of bracelets and earrings. His fur was still noticeably dirty, but his smile could be plainly seen. His tunic had gotten several extra tears since his last visit, but this was the least of his concerns.

As the next nereid swam up for her gift, a glimmering anklet, Mickey pulled it back and shook his head. “Oh no you don't, Tallia! I heard about your argument with Lydia! Now you make nice and apologize, or you ain't gettin' nothin'.”

“But that's not faiiir!” Tallia cried, ready to burst into tears, her palms slapping the water. “I want it, I want it, I want it!”

“Not until you apologize,” Mickey said again, shoving the girl away with his good foot. “Bad girls don't get gifts. And she's your sister! You love her, I know it.”

But his single action gave away his not good leg, and Daisy gasped, a hand to her beak. “Look at that!” How could you not? His left leg was twisted like a paper scroll wrung with hard hands, and one could almost see the bone against the skin. “He can't be a god! Who ever heard of a disfigured god? All our injuries get healed super quick because of the ambrosia!” Typically this would be when Minnie would ask what ambrosia is, and Daisy waited for the question. And waited. And waited. And... what was the hold up here? “I said, because of the ambrosia!” She jerked her head towards Minnie, expecting her usual curiosity and chorus of questions.

But Minnie couldn't hear Daisy at all, nor did she care what Daisy was saying. Her eyes were completely on Mickey, who was now applauding as the girls hugged and made-up. Of course she saw his leg, she saw everything about him, including something incredibly, extremely important that she did not know. Something about his chest, and his arms, something about them was – was different from the men on Olympus, different from Donald and Goofy – something that was making her mouth open and her heart beatbeatbeat. Her seashells were abandoned, dropped to the sand. Only then did she remember Daisy's existence, and now it was her turn to yank Daisy so hard that they both fell on their knees, hidden by the rocks. “Daisy!” she hissed in a whisper, hoping they hadn't been seen. “What – what – what are those?!” She flailed wildly, trying to gesture toward Mickey.

Daisy blinked slowly. Minnie tended to ask things in a calm, sweet, polite matter. What was sending her into a slobbering frenzy? She poked her head over the rocks, trying to guess. “You mean his little harem over there?”

“No!” Minnie screeched before saying it again quieter. Mickey glanced around, wondering if there were some sick seagulls about, but he shrugged it off. “No! Not those! It's - it's these!” She slapped her chest and her arms, gestured back to Mickey, slapped the same places again, over and over.

Daisy didn't even try to guess whatever it was Minnie was indicating, mostly because this was hilarious to watch. She'd have to remember this moment in the future whenever she needed a good laugh. Even now she had to pinch herself to prevent any big guffaws. But she finally made the effort to think, and could only come up with one idea. “Muscles?”

“Muscles!” Minnie exclaimed while throwing her arms up in the air. “Yes! Muscles! He has them!” While Mickey's legs were frail, all the years of working with metal and ore had considerably toned him up. “Oh, boy, does he have them.” It was an excellent contrast to all the vagabonds on Mount Olympus who were more flab than fab, choosing to let their godly magic do their work for them. Minnie crouched on the rock to watch Mickey again, her thin tail flicking about. This man was muscles, and sweat, and work, and with each and every passing second, words she didn't know even existed before now came with clear definitions in her head.

“He's – he's dreamy.” Mickey was being introduced to the newest member of the mermaid clan, a youngling who was placed in his lap. Her childhood would be short, at least physically. She'd have a child's mind forevermore. Mickey laughed as the babe tried to grab one of his ears, and he blew a raspberry on her cheek.

“He's marvelous.” Mickey was listening to the various stories being exchanged while noting what new shiny jewelry they wanted next. When a nereid snatched his walking stick to play a game, he said in return he'd have to decide the rules. When they splashed him, he splashed right back, all the while gently holding the child in his arm, pressed close to his chest. The winner would choose the girl's name, and it'd better be a good one!

“He's darling.” Now it was time for breakfast, with girls handing over fresh fish. Mickey bit the head off of a nice plump red one, and pulled off smaller pieces for the babe to eat. He wiped the mess off with the back of his arm and belched loudly before trying to pick out scales from his teeth with his fingernails.

Daisy stared at her friend, ultimately learning that apparently everyone had a type. “Huh. Thought you'd be the more 'loves everyone' kind of deal.” The guy was kind of cute, she supposed. Not better looking than Donald, but then who was? She brushed the sand off of her dress. “Guess he'll be happy to have another female fan. Let's go say hi.”

“NONONONO!” Minnie tackled Daisy down and dragged her back into the rocks' shadow. Mickey definitely heard it this time, but he was so used to his sort of solitude he still blamed the seagulls. He made the girls promise to stay away from the birds since they were either fighting, sick, or sickly fighting.

Minnie pinned Daisy down, which to be honest wasn't very impressive, as Daisy could have easily shoved her off if she hadn't been so startled. “I can't meet him like this! I'm not ready!” Minnie kept her hands on Daisy's shoulder, shaking her for every other word.

“You're the goddess of beauty! You're always ready!”

“Not like this! This is different! I have to look special!”

Daisy flicked her finger to Minnie's forehead. “For goodness' sake, calm down! You're Aphrodite! Everyone loves you when they meet you!”

“Hera didn't!” Minnie countered, refusing to get up.

“Okay, besides Hera.” Daisy snorted. “What are the odds that another god would hate you before knowing you?”

“Broke a rule, broke a rule, broke a rule!” One of the darker skinned nereids was singing, swaying around in song. “Damara broke Mickey's ruuule, ha ha ha!”

“What rule?” Damara the mermaid asked, sticking out her lower lip.

“His 'no talking about Aphrodite' rule!”

Minnie and Daisy paused in their quiet bickering, slowly moving their heads to look back at the once serene scene, both of them mouthing a worried, “Uh-oh.”

“But I was talking about a pretty girl I met that could have been Aphrodite!” Damara sunk lower into the water, but the hidden heroines could clearly see this was one of the very same mermaids that had tried to drown them the day before. “I was talking about Aphrodite, I was talking about someone who could have been Aphrodite! So I'm not in trouble, so I'm not a bad girl, so I'm still a good girl!”

Mickey sighed heavily, his walking stick finally returned to him. “All right, I'll say it one more time, so you all better remember! No talking about that stuck-up, awful, rotten Aphrodite whenever I'm around! You got that?” His cheerful mood was immediately soured, his teeth grinding back and forth. “Getting to be a goddess and all that good stuff, just because you're pretty...Why, if I ever saw her, I'd spit in her eye, is what I'd do!” He even demonstrated, hocking a big one into the water. His audience began to copy his spit, which soon developed into a competition of whoever could spit the furthest.

Inch by inch, Minnie sank down until she laid completely flat on top of Daisy, her limbs lifeless. Having Hera's hate was a bother, but something she could live with. What did she care what a jealous wife thought?

But having Mickey's hate? That came with another brand new word in her love themed vocabulary, one she wished she could forget in that same second – heartbreak.

#disney #fanfic #love like lava #mickey mouse #minnie mouse #donald duck #daisy duck

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destressjournal · 4 years ago

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Ranking all (109?) DCOMS

Yes! It will be a challenge but I already ranked all 58 Disney animated movies, and once I complete more rankings, maybe I’ll start a blog/podcast about that. Who knows.

The easy part about ranking the Disney films was that each film was unique. The Disney channel films....many of them are pretty similar so I have to remember what each film was about. And this blog can be my way of writing those thoughts down!

So here are my rankings for the 10 first ever Disney channel films!

10. You Lucky Dog

I never heard of this film before i decided to watch all of these in order. And I think there’s a reason. It’s fucking weird. Someone must have been high or something when coming up for the premise of this movie. Like I thought it was supposed to be a movie like Beethoven or Air Bud, just a cute little dog movie about a wacky dog that turns a family up-side down. But no, it’s a dog...therapist??? That had the ability to channel a dog’s mind when he was 14, yet built an entire business based on that ability that he LOST and never got back....and people bought into it??? It’s just the weirdest movie and I really didn’t enjoy a grown man acting and talking like a dog throughout like half the movie. It was weird. I liked the dog. But the rest I didn’t like.

9. Genius

This movie was also weird....but it was better than You Lucky Dog. The logic and the plot points of the story just didn’t line up for me, and the main character was extremely cringey. I had to pause every 10-15 minutes because I literally couldn’t take it. His acting was great! But the lines he was given aren’t good. The story is also really weird, like he was lying about his identity, enrolled himself in middle school while being a college student, faking an entire personality and purposely failed most of his classes, tried everything he could to be in two places at once throughout the whole movie, almost killed everyone in the ice rink due to his negligence of his machine, all to impress some girl. None of the characters I thought were believable, not because of their acting but because of the dialogue and the story, it just doesnt make any sense. But at least it’s about a kid genius and NOT a dog therapist, lol.

8. Brink!

When I first saw this movie I thought it was fine, and then I sat with it for a bit and it got further down my list. There are parts of the story that don’t make sense to me, like don’t you have to compete in the invitational to compete in the championship? Cuz the main characters didn’t even show up and they’re still able to enroll their team in the finals?? And it’s supposed to be a national event of the best teams in the country, and these kids literally just stroll in out of nowhere with their dinky dog groomer shirts, can just sign up, and then beat all the professional sponsored teams?? So yeah, this movie loses points because the logic doesn’t line up. But I think the lesson is good, that who you are is different than what you do, and that your value shouldn’t be determined by how productive you are at something. The execution of that lesson is a little iffy though.

7. Under Wraps

The first ever DCOM and it shows. DCOMs will never be like this ever again! It was more mature and dark than anything we have today on Disney channel. That alone gives it some points. However, as a movie, it’s missing the connection you make with the characters. I just personally didn’t think any of them were interesting. The mummy was cute and funny at times, but sometimes the slapstick jokes and gags were a little over the top. Also, I just kept hearing Patrick from spongebob every time the mummy made any noise, and that ruined it a little for me. I know it’s the same voice actor lol. But I do like the touch that the main character’s mom’s bf are the same actor, making the connection between them a little easier. And at least the logic (pretty much) lined up for this movie. I might watch every Halloween, we’ll see.

6. Can of Worms

This movie was only SLIGHTLY better than Under Wraps. And that’s only because I felt a good connection with the main character, Mike. You can tell because I actually remembered his name. He’s a relatable character to me and his acting was very good. I have personally met people that talk and act exactly like Mike, and I honestly think his character represents someone on the autism spectrum very well (I’m autistic too so don’t get mad at me stereotyping). I’m not saying he represents everybody, or even me, just that I’ve met people like him before. His desire to fit in and be normal, and then later his desire to get off earth, was I think the most powerful part of the movie. He truly believed he was an alien from outer space because it made more sense in his mind than believing he was just different, because there was no possible way he could be the same species if everything he says and does is considered “weird”. I related SO hard to this, because it’s exactly what being autistic can be like. I was really into the first half of the movie, and then....the second half with the aliens was just dumb. It became a generic alien monster movie, with some tiny good parts sprinkled in. But the ending just didn’t make sense....mike still plays football at the end even though he’s not good and doesn’t like it....? Like he’s still trying to force it because he thinks “this is where he belongs”. Like you could have easily showed him building robots with new friends in robotics club (something that he’s good at and likes) and then hanging out with the rest of his friends after to send that message home. That you can usually find a place where you belong. So anyway, this movie is stuck in the middle for me.

5. Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

Now we’re gonna get into the more popular ones. I think I would have enjoyed this so much more as a kid, but I didn’t grow up with it. This was my first ever viewing. The movie itself is pretty good, and it’s so interesting to see what people in the late 90’s thought about what the future would be like. Flying cars, computers you can hold in your hand, taking commercial flights to space, etc. but it was all still based on 90’s technology at the same time, it was really interesting. The biggest aspect of the movie that makes it lose points for me, is Zenon as a character. I like her, don’t get me wrong! But she hardly changes throughout the movie. Yes she learns to like earth but then at the end of the movie she’s happy to be back in space and that’s it. Now, I haven’t seen the sequels yet, but JUST based on this movie alone, I think it would have been more valuable to show her traveling back and forth, or say “Hey Greg, wanna see each other next week?” Just something to show that she likes earth now. But even then, that’s the only aspect of her that changed. All the antics she got in were justifiable, she was right the whole time. It was on everyone else to change to see her perspective. And I just don’t like when movies do this. I need characters to have reasonable flaws and learn to either accept them or change them depending on the situation. Also, this is just a little nit pick, but WOW that song at the end was so bad yet it’s STILL stuck in my head...they call this a rock and roll song yet I didn’t hear any guitar or bass. Even the drums were just kicks and pops made on the computer, that doesn’t sound like what an actual drum sounds like...It’s just a pop song. Call it for what it is people! The lyrics were good tho.

4. Halloweentown

I’ll probably get some hate for putting this at number 4, but when I was watching another review on a YouTube channel, they pointed out how annoying Marnie was, and now I see it. She’s not unbearably annoying, but enough to be like “wow, this kid is a bit of a brat. I would never talk to my mom like that.” On one hand, I see how she matured throughout the movie, so I think it makes sense for her to be a little obnoxious and naive, she’s just a kid. On the other hand, you’re supposed to like your main character and root for them, which doesn’t help if you think they’re a brat. I didn’t grow up with this movie either, so maybe that’s why I didnt immediately put it as number 1, cuz there’s no nostalgia factor. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. It’s still a good movie that I will watch every halloween! I liked the characters and the story, and things seemed to flow together pretty well. The only reason it lost points for me, were the over-the-top gags. I get it, the movie is made for kids, and I always keep that in mind when I watch these, but sometimes it gets a little too silly for a movie about a dark overlord who wants to get rid of humans. Idk. Still like it though!

3. The Thirteenth Year

Okay, I admit it. This one is a guilty pleasure for me. I’m sorry. I feel like Halloweentown should be at 3 and this one at 4 if I want to be truly objective, but I have too many nostalgia feels for this movie. And I like that the tone is more serious and there aren’t any silly over-the-top gags. But that doesn’t mean this movie is perfect, it’s at number 3 for a reason. The last few times I watched this were when I was a kid in the early 2000’s, so as a kid I loved this movie. And I was also obsessed with mermaids and I wanted to be one so bad. This movie kind of fulfilled this dream for me, and other movies like Aquamarine and The Little mermaid. But anyway, after watching this as an adult, it doesn’t exactly hold up. Sam is kind of an annoying character who doesn’t add much to the movie. She’s just the popular girl, and another reason for Cody to stay with the popular crowd. She gives him a picture of herself as a birthday gift...? I think it would be an okay anniversary gift for adults who are dating, not kids. It just rubs me the wrong way. Also, the kid who plays Cody is not a very good actor...he’s just okay. Everything else about the movie, still love!!

2. Smart House

I grew up with this one too, and again, they try to imagine what a futuristic house would look like in the 90’s. And half that stuff actually came true with things like Siri and alexa, which is pretty neat to see almost 30 years after this movie came out. Still what kid wouldn’t want to have a giant screen on their wall showing something like a music video, the beach, or a basketball game. Every kid wanted to live in that smart house back then. The movie still holds up pretty well today, not because of the technology but because of the message and the characters. All of the actors and actresses were wonderful! The story is so sad but believable. I’ve never gone through a parent death, but I’ve had friends that have, and it’s such a weird dynamic when the other parent starts dating for the first time after. I can’t imagine what effect that can have on a young child. At least when my friends went through it they were at least in high school, if not, college. So they had a bit more understanding/maturity about it. But yeah, the kid who plays Ben rocked his part. Some tiny nitpicks include the house itself being somewhat outdated now, and the side characters presence in the film. They don’t have much significance, idk. The movie really tugs at your emotions, and is definitely the movie that got me closest to crying so far.

1. Johnny Tsunami

This was my first viewing, as I didn’t grow up with this one either. Compared to Smart House, which is honestly just an emotional roller coaster, this is just a good movie imo. It was more epic, it had more diversity, great acting, and a plot that made sense thematically. There wasn’t over-the-top slapstick gags, and I think it teaches good lessons about life. I honestly thought the grandpa was gonna die because that’s usually what happens to old wise mentors, but I’m glad it stayed away from that trope and actually brought him back for the end of the movie. I thought that was an interesting touch. Basically, while I was watching these I was thinking “okay this can be done better” “I don’t like this” “this feels too forced”, but with this one, I was just watching a movie most of the time. I honestly don’t know how it could be much better. It’s still not the best Disney channel movie ever (I’m guessing), and it still has some flaws. For example, the girl character was being such a flip flop throughout the whole movie and was being a little too mean to Johnny. Another tiny nitpick is when johnny’s parents are like “yeah we’re moving to Vermont” I was expecting a little more pushback from Johnny but he’s like “awww okay” and idk what to think about it because it could be considered out of character. Otherwise, this is a great unique movie that I will definitely rewatch in the future.

For every movie that I watch, I’m going to review it separately and that’s how I’ll keep track of my thoughts as I go through each film. But this is where I stand for the first 10 DCOMs. Unlike the Disney animated classics, I don’t know what my number one film is. Right now it’s Johnny Tsunami but that is definitely going to change. I can’t wait to see what my personal favorite will be! It may come down to several.

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kevoreally · 6 years ago

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#BuffyAt20 - S03E04 “Beauty and the Beasts”

This is specifically is an episode I do not like, which I think is understandable. But it was trying to do something brave, and I respect that. Season 3, Episode 4, “Beauty and the Beasts.”

> Gonna be upfront: I don’t love this episode for a couple of different reasons. But at least it's not “Inca Mummy Girl.”

> Also worth noting: Hulu lists this episode as "The Beauty and the Beasts." Which. NO. Also: Beauty And The Beast was one of my favorite Disney Renaissance films. Okay. Now go.

> All of the “Call of the Wild” stuff felt very pertinent to my life at the time, because we were covering it in English then.

> Xander’s pants are way too red to be believed.

> “Aren’t we reading the Cliff’s Notes for this in English?” Psh, Xander, if you were a real slacker, you wouldn’t be reading anything at all. 😎

> That leather-bound edition of “Call” is intense. Clearly not school-issued.

> Xander’s arms look great in this scene. 😍

> “Half? Which half?” Does Xander think they went pantsless first?

> Xander immediately lying down after Willow leaves is supremely unfunny. Can’t you create conflict without making these demon-fighters behave irresponsibly?

> “Smooch spot.” Edgy lingo. Love it.

> Eliza’s still working through that Southie accent.

> Oh wow, I really love Buffy and Faith being WAY more friendly this episode.

> “All men are beasts, Buffy.” Classic.

> “I was hoping not to get that cynical until I was at least 40.” That’s only a year-plus away! WHAT! 😯

> Faith isn’t wrong, though. I mean, they’re not all JUST in it for the chase. But yeah. Men are messed up, yo.

> Gosh, it was such a pleasure to watch this show evolve live. This was such a different era of television production. Not to knock the one we’re in now, it’s great in a different way. But pre-streaming feels like a wild trip now.

> Ooh, there’s a really great shot of the awning opposite the courtyard fountain that we don’t normally see. It’s clearest in “Graduation Day” when the cavalry arrives. I do love this set.

> Unf, I had the biggest crush on John Patrick White as a kid. AJ’s Time Travelers. Tassel Guy from Can’t Hardly Wait. (He’s a lawyer now!)

> “He’s just bein’ Oz.” “Pretty much full-time.” Hero. 🤩

> “Are we up to flowers?” Hasn’t it been, like, one week? Barely longer, if at all? What is with these kids?

> “Jeff? He was - I knew him.” Seriously, Oz is so underrated, I can’t stop gushing about him. Couldn’t Willow still have been a lesbian even if we kept Oz?

> Xander is like a TGIF Sitcom Character on this horror dramedy sometimes. Like, he has no place here.

> “I rested my eyes now and then.” You LITERALLY CLIMBED ON THE TABLE and used Willow’s book AS A PILLOW, you LITTLE LIAR.

> “When I…” “WOKE UP??” I used to think Giles was a little too harsh here. Not 20 years later.

> I don’t see how they could’ve ever thought it was Oz, though. He went out, had a snack, and came back to his cage? Unlikely.

> It’s Mr. Moseby!! I’ve always loved this actor. Especially as Chandler’s boss on Friends. (And now he won’t stop saying the word “friends,” haha.)

> This guy would’ve been a great recurring character for Buffy to interact with. Way better than a murder victim.

> “Everybody has demons, right?” “Gotta say, I’m with you on that.” Oh, okay. 🤭

> Like, I get the metaphor they were always going for with Angel, him “changing” and all that, but he literally did lose his actual soul.

> “Oz ate someone last night.” Welcome to Cordelia Shouldn’t Speak Theater. Never been more grateful for Lydia Martin.

> This shot of the Scooby Gang sitting on the Library steps was used in a lot of promo stuff.

> “What, you’re having a Slayer watch me? Oh, good, we’re not overreacting.” Dude, I know you’re upset, but they literally just said she’s the only person available.

> “Get away from me.” Oz, you’re being such a dramatic little pupper.

> I love the implication that Angel has been running naked and feral around the woods for as long as Buffy has been dating Scott.

> OH, HE FOUND PANTS, DID HE? 🤣🤣🤣

> Is Willow examining a maued corpse when she’s probably not yet 18 funny or horrifying? Maybe both. They are all portrayed as horrified. So there’s that.

> “Let me just get a few stray hairs from the body, they could be from the attacker.” And - what will you do with them, Willow?

> Haaa, I love Buffy tossing Drusilla’s dolls aside.

> The giant ash outline of Angel on the floor is deeply silly.

> I mean, it’s kind of irresponsible that Faith was listening to music so loud that Buffy snuck up on her. But. I also get wanting to drown out the wolf? And she did react very quickly, so, she was fine.

> Buffy romanticized the idea of staying up all night for me.

> Buffy ALSO FELL ASLEEP on watch, but no one is screaming at her, just saying. Sidenote: why isn’t Giles pulling more shifts as the adult? (Reasonably also the only one with a job.)

> Pretending she dreamt Angel came back was a pretty clever way to talk about it, what with her prophetic dreams and all.

> “There’s no record of anyone returning from a demon dimension” - that feels like a lie, we just saw Buffy do it for one thing.

> "In my experience, there are two types of monster. The first can be redeemed or, more importantly, wants to be redeemed." "And the second type?" "The second is void of humanity. Cannot respond to reason... or love."

> Willow, if you were actively awake, why wouldn’t you come help keep watch? These kids, I swear…

> There’s a recurring musical motif in this episode that will later be used in “Amends,” FYI, and I am loving it.

> Omigod, I know this is bad to say because of the episode’s plot, but Scott’s friends are kind of terrible. Debbie is rude and Pete makes an ugly gay joke. Forget these kids.

> “Actually, I think he makes his own drums.” Heh.

> Scott is a weirdly sweet and attentive boyfriend. Buffy actually does sort of push him away. (I know, who am I to talk? 🤣🤭)

> “Check out Scotty, liking the manic-depressive chick.” Were we EVER supposed to root for Pete??

> WHOA, Angel lashing out at Buffy actually did jump-scare me, lol.

> “So you’ll be late but happy.” I really doubt whatever you’re delaying this girl for would be satisfying, Pete, even if it wasn’t hardcore abuse.

> So, Pete kept his Jekyll-and-Hyde serum in a janitor’s closet? What?

> This scene where Buffy goes to Platt is really beautifully acted but, like. What did Buffy think this man could do for her? And then he’s dead. Sigh.

> “You know how you get.” These kids sort of talk like they’re in the 50s.

> Ugh, this scene is so uncomfortable, because you could lift out the supernatural stuff and it could still play 100% the same on a regular drama. Like, too real.

> We weren’t ever supposed to feel like Pete was a good guy and that this was something being done to him, right? Like, he’s 0% victim.

> Fun fact that I just learned: thanks to Daylight Savings, the only time of year when sunset can really be at 5:30pm is end of January / beginning of February.

> “They used to mess around.” “They were screwing?” “...I don’t think so.” Faith was too real for these kids.

> As the Scoobs dole out assignments, I find myself wondering, where are Xander and Cordelia? And I go on to wonder, if it’s maybe best that they aren’t around. Sigh.

> Buffy is way too aggressive on an abuse victim. It’s pretty fair for Willow to say they “broke her.” Kind of insensitive language tho, lol.

> This episode had a special message attached to it, right? It must have.

> I love how completely unconcerned Oz is for his safety when it comes to Pete. He knows his wolf can easily take this dude, even when he transforms.

> “Did you kiss that whore? Did she like it?” Goodness gracious.

> “Time’s up, rules change” is a little dramatic but whatever. Seth Green sells it.

> “Oh, right, bloody priceless.” Classic Giles.

> Buffy just wailing on this aggro abusive boyfriend is hella cathartic atm.

> I think Willow and Faith have better potential as friends than Willow and Cordelia, seriously.

> Okay, I try to support Buffy’s fashion decisions, but sometimes - like when she’s jumping from a roof - the heels are a little bit not great.

> I do not love that Angel is the one to get Pete. Like, on a couple of levels? I get that it couldn’t have been Buffy. But Pete had to die if Debbie did. Ugh. Just an awkward episode.

> This vampire-to-human transition shot of Angel got used in a lot of stuff.

> Hmm. I’m going to be doing some deep examining of how I feel about the Buffy/Angel relationship this year, I think.

> Someone thought it only took two eight iced cafe mochas to make Pete a murderer? That’s some strange understanding of caffeine.

> This is a lot of expo-logue (exposition dialogue) to cap off the episode.

> “Great, now I’m going to be stuck with serious thoughts all day.” Cordelia is literally Amber from Clueless. That’s such a weird archetype to include in this show, and make such a major character. And then pivot into what she becomes on Angel! Oy.

> Dude, poor Scott Hope. I’m pretty hard on him most of the time, but his friends’ deaths would’ve hella messed him up, no wonder he dumped his super-secretive girlfriend. (But he spread rumors about her so Faith doing that about him is fair game.)

> There’s a lot less “Call of the Wild” in this episode than I remember there being 20 years ago, lol.

> Okay, parts of that weren’t as bad as I usually remember. It’s definitely very real, which makes a lot of sense from the co-creator of #Unreal. Marti Noxon does not shy away from hard topics. Respect.

One more left!

#Buffy #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #BuffyAt20 #Buffy Blog #Buffy Watch #BtVS Watch #Buffy Season 3 #BTVS Season 3 #Beauty and the Beasts #Mr Moseby

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juliayepes · 7 years ago

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The Unexplainable Energy of David Lowery

DAVID LOWERY IN NEW YORK, JUNE 2017. PORTRAIT: TESS MAYER. Filmmaker David Lowery has an intriguing conception of what a ghost is: In his words, it’s “a spirit that refuses to move on.” His understanding of the term—more figurative than it is literal—may be a key part of why his odd new movie, A Ghost Story, works so well. Considering that he himself was the inspiration for the namesake phantom in the film, it’s funny, too. Lowery’s breakthrough film, Ain’t Them Bodies Saints (2013), paired Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara as Bonnie and Clyde-style Texan outlaws. The 36-year-old’s new movie, which he also wrote and edited, reunites Affleck and Mara as a young couple whose shared life we glimpse only briefly. Affleck’s character dies in a car accident, and A Ghost Story chronicles his existence after he becomes a ghost. Mara gives a soulful and volatile performance as his widow and Affleck deftly manages the tricky task of embodying a haunted spirit. Unable to communicate with Mara’s character, Affleck’s ghost can only observe her grief and watch her slowly move on, spurring him to journey through memory and history and to meditate on time, meaning, and existence. We recently met with the dynamic filmmaker—who also adapted the Disney movie Pete’s Dragon (2016), and who recently wrapped production on a movie starring Robert Redford that was adapted from a New Yorker story—at an office in New York. A Ghost Story, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year, is decidedly different in spirit and form from the more commercial Ain’t Them Bodies Saints, and Lowery, who made his name as a film editor before developing the script for Saints at the Sundance Screenwriters Lab, sounds curious and a little wistful about the possibility of watching the two movies for the first time, back-to-back. Then he tells us about the genesis of his unconventional new film. DAVID LOWERY: In terms of the script, the movie spontaneously combusted in one sitting. It was a bunch of ideas that had been circling my subconscious or conscious mind for years in some cases, but I’d never done anything with them until I sat down to write this. One of those ideas was a haunted house movie starring a ghost with a sheet. I’d always loved that idea, and I wanted to use it. I’d seen it elsewhere and wanted to do my own spin on it. Then, on a personal level, the root of it came from a move I made from Texas to L.A., and the house I’d left behind, which I’d grown incredibly attached to, even though it was just a shabby old farmhouse that we were renting. It was the first house my wife and I lived in after we got married. I’d, for better or worse, laid down many roots there, emotional and otherwise—I actually planted a garden for the first time in my life—and I didn’t want to leave it when we had to leave. I was really upset and kind of heartbroken to move out of it, and I wasn’t sure why because, on a pragmatic level, it made no sense to stay there. I had suggested that we just kept paying rent there, so we had it as a place to go back to, and that made zero sense whatsoever. So that was a lingering thing throughout the latter half of 2015 as we laid down new roots in Los Angeles. That Christmas, I went home to visit my family for the holidays, and my wife and I got into a huge argument while we were there because I suggested we move back to Texas when our Disney movie [Pete’s Dragon] was done. She had a very vehement reaction to that. She was done with Texas. It was one of those arguments where, in the moment, I felt like I could see a potential end to our relationship, and the idea that our relationship could come to an end over something as trivial as where we were living, was very strange to me. Also, I recognized that I was the problem in that situation—because I was the one holding onto something and not wanting to let go. That tendency that I have—that unwillingness to let go, that obsession with sentimentality and nostalgia and attachment to physical things in my past were all to blame for that problem we were having. That was where a lot of this movie came from. JULIA YEPES: It’s interesting that you mention your attachment to physical things from your past and your sentimentality toward them, because you have letter-writing in both Ain’t Them Bodies Saints and this movie. Is there something that’s poignant to you about the act of letter-writing or even that of people simply trying to document their feelings? LOWERY: Completely. My wife and I, we knew each other back in 2001 but had fallen out of touch. One day I had a dream about her and wrote her a note on Facebook—I was living in L.A. at the time—and that turned into six months of just letter-writing. It started off with Facebook messages and turned into emails and eventually became actual hand-written letters. We got to know each other very well through that, and when we finally met up in person, we were basically already in a relationship, and six months later we were engaged. I attribute a great deal of it to the tactile and patient qualities that letter-writing demands, and the degree to which it’s a personal act. It’s almost one of the ultimate personal expressions because you’re doing it by hand. I take a great deal of value in things that are done by hand, or executed by hand. The act itself is something that fascinates me, almost more than what the contents might say, which is why you don’t see what’s on the note in Ain’t Them Bodies Saints. There was the scene where she’s writing the letter, and it wasn’t until the final stages of post-production, I finally gave in and said, “Okay, let’s hear what she’s writing.” Up until that point, I was always going to just leave it a secret, not because I wanted to keep it a secret, but just because I felt it was unnecessary to show it. YEPES: Harvey Weinstein gave you notes for that movie. Was that something he suggested? LOWERY: No. We’d done some test screenings and people were like, “What does it say?” It was a long dolly shot pushing in on her writing. And people were like, “What does it say? We should know what it says.” And I was like, “You know what, you’re right. Let’s hear what it says.” So I wrote a letter and people loved hearing it, and it was a very emotional moment for the movie and probably was the right thing to do. YEPES: It’s a release for the audience. LOWERY: Yeah, exactly. It was probably a week before we showed it at Sundance that I added that in. Rooney went to a studio and we just recorded it over the phone and dropped it in, so it was literally last minute. YEPES: The argument that you had with your wife is interesting because the movie is pretty spare with the dialogue between Casey’s character and Rooney’s character, and it feels consequential when she says, “What is it you like about this place?” And he says, “History.” And when she says, “We’re supposed to be making decisions together.” Both of those exchanges felt really real and I think the audience connects with those snippets of conversation immediately. LOWERY: Those were literally things my wife and I said to each other. Casey and Rooney, in those scenes, are playing us, and my wife was there when we were shooting them, and I remember her rolling her eyes. She thought it was really cool, but at the same time very strange, and knowing me, she felt it was probably just a little too on the nose and obvious for me to literally put our entire discussion into a movie. YEPES: It’s also funny when you see Casey Affleck who looks a little bit like you… LOWERY: Yeah. We have vaguely similar cheekbones. Every now and then, it’s just so obvious— YEPES: It’s comical, some of the images of the two of you standing side-by-side. LOWERY: Yeah. If only he shaved his head. YEPES: I want to hear about how you worked with ghost iconography and ghost mythology in this movie. I read on your blog how you really liked the title of this children’s book, Gus Was A Friendly Ghost (1962)—you liked that the title referred to the ghost in the past tense. LOWERY: I’ve always loved ghosts, ever since reading those books. That might have been my first introduction to ghosts as a child because my parents had those books on our bookshelf. It was one of my earliest memories, them reading them to us. And they were never a scary thing to me—until I got a little older and understood the potential for them to be scary—and I never dressed up as a ghost for Halloween because it was too simple and I always took Halloween way too seriously, but my brother did, so that image is something that is deeply rooted in my childhood. I liked the idea now of taking what is basically the universal symbol for a spirit who refuses to move on from this realm of existence and unpacking it. Because it is a common symbol—it’s Snapchat. Snapchat’s logo is a sheet ghost. YEPES: Oh yeah, that’s funny. LOWERY: And if you write the word ‘ghost’ on your iPhone, the emoji pops up of a little ghost with a sheet. It’s an image that is very commonplace, and one which we take for granted, and one which has a lot of potential to be charming and goofy and childlike, but which also packs a great deal of meaning into its very simple form. I wanted to tap into that a little bit. My fascination with tactile objects and handmade materials comes into play as well because I love the idea of taking something that is very ethereal and meant to be phantasmagoric but rendering it with the most handmade approach possible. I also have to admit that I liked the challenge of trying to take what is an inherently silly concept and imbuing it with some degree of gravitas. YEPES: Right. The line between the supernatural and the mundane is blurred in the movie in an interesting way. There was a scene where it seems like somethingsupernatural is happening inside the house, and it’s actually a bulldozer coming through the roof. LOWERY: Exactly. YEPES: But you think it’s something spiritual— LOWERY: You think it’s the Rapture. Later in the movie, there’s a giant bang on the door, but it’s just Rooney scaring Casey. YEPES: Yes, you play with stock moments that we’re familiar with from scary movies. LOWERY: Exactly. I love horror films. I love ghost movies and haunted house movies. I wanted to be able to use those tropes, not to turn them on their head, but to use them in a different way than one would anticipate, so it’s a haunted house movie that’s not scary, except at times when it is—but it’s not the ghost that makes it scary. YEPES: How did you figure out that you needed the scene where Rooney eats the better part of a whole pie as a way to show grief? LOWERY: When I initially conceived of the idea of this movie, I wanted the whole thing to be a series of tableaux—one tableau for each scene that would represent the entirety of what that scene was about, and for that one I knew that it was about her grieving for a lost loved one. I wanted it to be very physical because I find that grief is very physical. You feel it in your stomach and you feel it through your whole body and you can show someone burying their head in a pillow and crying, which we do one scene later, but that doesn’t convey the depths to which grief reaches. So I wanted there to be a physicality to it, and I wanted it to be a very private moment that was almost uncomfortable to watch, and so eating seemed like the natural thing. I’d read Joan Didion’s book The Year of Magical Thinking (2005)—I shared it with Rooney too—because I thought it was a really good window as to what goes through someone’s mind when they’ve lost a partner, and she describes the ways in which grief manifests itself the most profoundly in the most mundane activities, and the most unexpected, everyday, quotidian activities are the source of some of the deepest sorrow she felt after her husband passed away. Eating is about as mundane as it gets, and I felt that that was something that would be powerful and uncomfortable and also incredibly relatable, and it was also something that I knew would be memorable because I knew that Rooney doesn’t have a lot of dialogue in the movie. After that scene, I think she has one line in the whole film, aside from some of the flashbacks, and it needed to convey quite a bit. I felt that that was an appropriate vehicle to do that. YEPES: Right. And it’s very expressive in a way that actually registers, whereas if she was just hysterically crying, we’ve seen that so many times that— LOWERY: You sort of check out. YEPES: Yeah. Why did you choose to have the Spanish speaking family inhabit the house and not to have subtitles for those scenes? LOWERY: I love the Spanish language. I don’t speak it very well—I don’t speak it at all, really, but I can get by if I go somewhere and I need to—but as a language, I just think it’s absolutely beautiful, and I found while we were shooting that scene, that I could understand like every fifth word. I’d written all the dialogue in English and had it translated into Spanish, so I knew what was going on, but it was easier for me to just tap into the emotion of the scene and direct it on an emotional level rather than to articulate what I wanted for a certain line of dialogue. I just loved that experience. It was a really profound experience for me. It made me realize that even though all the dialogue was written with a great degree of originality and what she’s saying in every scene matters, to some extent, it’s more of an emotional sequence than it is a literal sequence. So removing subtitles allowed audiences to participate with it on a purely emotional level, similar to how I was participating with it as a director. At that point in the movie, I wanted to have a classic ghost story sequence that was similar to Poltergeist (1982) or The Haunting (1963), and to work with a lot of traditional haunted house material. If I really wanted to go all the way with Poltergeist, I could have had another suburban family move in and really riff on that, but I thought it would be really cool for it to be more reflective of society, especially in Texas where it’s so multi-cultural, and every other person does speak Spanish, and that gave me the opportunity to have part of the movie in another language that I love listening to. YEPES: I love that the kids can see the ghost. LOWERY: Yeah. It’s just like classic Spielberg. We’d do those shots of them gazing at the ghost and be like, “That’s us ripping off Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977).” I love also that the ghost throws his temper tantrum and tries to scare them out, and they don’t leave. She picks up the plates and looks at the ghost with the same kind of maternal gaze that she looks at her kids—even though she can’t really see him, there’s that moment where they appear to be looking at each other that was just really beautiful to me as well. It put Casey’s character in his place after throwing that ridiculous temper tantrum. YEPES: I know that you are an atheist and you say you don’t believe in the afterlife. Have you ever seen a ghost? Also, you have the scene where the ghost seems to commit suicide, but then you’re like, “Is it a dream?” Can the ghost die, or maybe he can’t because he’s haunted? LOWERY: The idea there is he’s trying to find a way out, but it’s not time for him to move on yet, so he just winds up unstuck in time, and having to relive certain events to get back to where he needs to be. But I do believe in ghosts, even though I don’t believe in an afterlife, and there’s an inherent paradox there, which I can only explain as the result of my faith in the mysteries of the universe. I think that there are things we can’t explain, there’s energy around us that we haven’t been able to quantify, and within those mysteries lies my ability to believe in ghosts. I’ve never seen anything, but I’ve had circumstances occur that are strange—noises, lights turning on, rooms that feel like they’re the wrong temperature. I’ve had phenomena that I could technically explain logically, but I allow myself not to, because I’d rather believe that maybe there’s something supernatural afoot. YEPES: With A Ghost Story, did the actors come up with any good ideas that helped shape the movie? Did they have the instincts to do that, or was it too hard to do because the movie is so experimental? LOWERY: There was a little bit of that because we shot a lot more with Casey and Rooney prior to his character’s death than is in the film. We spent two days—which really isn’t that much time—just filming them in domestic situations and digging into their characters. I’d written 10 pages of material that we filmed almost like a stage play, and we spent a day doing that, and there’s a little bit of that in the movie. I wrote ideas for a bunch of other scenes, and the next day, we just jumped in and out of the house, and some of it was recapitulations of dialogue they had done the previous day, but just in a new context. Other things were brand new pieces of information or brand new ideas or just moments for them to share together. Within that exploration, they were able to come up with a lot of material on their own. The scene that opens the movie, where Casey and Rooney are lying on the couch together, that was an idea he had, and we didn’t know what he was going to do. He said, “Hey, I want to shoot a scene where the two of us are on the couch together and we just finished watching a movie, and I’ll take it from there.” And so the first line of the movie is Rooney saying, “I’m scared,” and she’s laughing, and the reason she’s saying that is we’re about to start shooting and she doesn’t know what’s going to happen. That was 100 percent just her anticipating whatever curveball Casey was about to throw at her. Ultimately, we used a lot of that. Yet if I hadn’t let Casey have enough creative input to propose a scene, we wouldn’t have had that opening scene and I don’t think the opening of the movie would have been as strong, so I did let them bring a lot to it, but obviously the movie was much more rigid and much more formal than Saints, and much less narrative. And of course without dialogue, it often comes down to body language and that is a much more rigorous thing. YEPES: Right. And then there are these stationary shots in this movie. LOWERY: But even in that, when Rooney comes home from the funeral and is eating pie, she had the idea to sit down on the floor. That was all her. We had planned the scene differently and intended to shoot the scene differently. But when she suggested that, that redefined the scene in terms of how we were going to block it out and how we were going to execute it, and it made it a million times better. And that was all her. So even in those very restrained and minimalist scenes, I did count on and court their input, and I value that. But I am also learning to value my original instincts more and to give myself a little bit of credit for the amount of time I spend writing dialogue, so I’m not changing gears so much. There are times I’m less willing than I used to be to just throw everything out the window for any random reason—because sometimes I’ve realized it’s more important for me to convince an actor why I wrote a thing a certain way than to just let them change it. YEPES: You also kind of suggest in the film that there are ghosts all around us. LOWERY: I don’t know if it’s ghosts or what it is, but I do believe in the burnt toast theory, as elucidated in The Shining (1980), which is that when you leave a room, you leave a little bit of yourself behind, and I don’t know what that is, I don’t know if it’s quantifiable or not, but I do subscribe to that idea. Out of that subscription, I am able to believe in… well, let’s call them ghosts. But whether they’re presences, whether it’s just leftover energy, whether it’s an actual spirit that is stuck in the space, I think they are all around us, whatever “they” may be. Beyond that, I have no idea. Beyond that, I don’t pretend to have any clue how these things work or what the rules might be or whether it’s actually real or not, but I like to believe it is. A GHOST STORY OPENS TOMORROW, JULY 7.

—Julia Yepes Editor: Emma Brown

July 6, 2017

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