#you’re so fucking mad because we’re using too many so you think is not worth to buy the good quality ones so you buy the cheap ones???

[hueseok]

it was always you (from the vault)

originally titled: take my breath away.

a.k.a. the original draft for my “it was always you” fic wherein naval aviator!jungkook is your cocky soon-to-be-ex-husband who won’t sign your divorce papers because he’s still in love with you lol.

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 4.5k

content: fluff, semi-angst, exes to ??? | ft. naval aviator!jungkook + husband!jungkook

warning: what you’re about to read (if you do choose to read this) is an unfinished work which perhaps will forever be unfinished.

the only reason i’m posting it because i feel like it’d be a waste to let it rot in my drafts considering that i really liked how it went until the moment i stopped writing hehehehe. i’ve also thought about continuing this story but since i already have an existing naval aviator!jungkook in my masterlist, i felt like it’d be redundant to post this!

anyhow, since a lot of you showed so much love to “it was always you”, i thought it’d be nice to share this 🥹

You really hoped that flying for almost three hours and experiencing horrid turbulence during half of the trip was going to be worth it. But again, that was only the first part of the whole charade; the real challenge would begin perhaps much later, when you finally come face to face with the person that you were scheduled to meet.

As you walked inside the bar, the nerves that previously weren’t there started to crawl from your chest to your legs, making it harder to reach the counter where a vacant bar stool stood. You didn’t even know why you were suddenly nervous—although you could only guess that the sudden burst of anxiety was rooted from talking again to the most stubborn man ever to walk on earth—and you were already preparing yourself for the long conversation you were going to have with him and possibly the extended leave you’ll have to inform your boss for this trip because of his infamous stubbornness.

“____?” a familiar voice abruptly called out for you after you finished ordering a mug of beer from the barmaid, “no fucking way. It can’t be.”

You turned to your left and saw Jung Hoseok.

Spoiler: he wasn’t the person you were going to meet today, which made seeing him such a delight. You grinned immediately upon making eye contact, hopping out of your chair and exclaiming his name with the same enthusiasm he let out when he did realize it was you who he was looking at.

“Holy shit. What are you doing here?” He automatically engulfed you in a tight embrace when you initiated. You noticed that he was wearing an off duty attire, a plain black polo shirt and blue jeans, his hair kept neat and short. “Actually, scratch that—there’s only one person you should be here for.”

You bothered to smile. “Yeah. I’m guessing he didn’t tell anyone I’m visiting, huh?”

“Nope. He 100% kept it a secret because he knows that we’re going to steal you away if he spills.”

“We?” you mused. You didn’t even know that he was training with Hoseok, and now you’re discovering that Hoseok’s apparently not the only friend he has here. “How many of you that I know are training with him?”

Hoseok takes a short pause to think about it. “Hm… well, there’s me, then Yoongi and… Namjoon. That’s just about it.”

“Wow. It’s essentially the whole group again, huh?”

“Yup. I mean, we are the best of the best.” He smirked.

You playfully rolled your eyes.

“And we’ve missed you,” he added swiftly. “I’m a bit mad that your husband didn’t inform us that you’d be here—but again, I’m not surprised.”

“Sorry. I think I have myself to blame for that. I did tell him that I don’t intend to stay here for too long.”

“Why not?”

“I’m just here to make sure he signs the divorce papers.”

Hoseok nodded, thoughtful and a bit disappointed. “Is he giving you a hard time with them?”

“You can say that.” A dramatic sigh escaped you. “He insisted that if I really wanted to get his signature, I should just go here where he’s training.”

“Classic Jungkook.” He laughed, and you agreed with a snort.

He was right, this was all a Classic Jungkook move. 

Sometimes, you didn’t understand why you agreed to marry Jungkook so urgently when he asked for your hand, even after knowing that he did everything he could to ensure that he got what he wanted in the end.

Though that was just that thing, wasn’t it? He knew exactly what to do in order to get what he wanted—and at that time of his proposal, you knew it was you that he sought for.

Despite the fact that Jungkook had only been seeing you for less than a year, he was convinced that you were the love of his life. It was the reason why when he needed to be deployed for a mission, it seemed proposing was the most natural thing to do, going on about how he wanted to be reassured that when he came back for you, you were going to be there waiting for him, not only as a girlfriend, but as his wife.

And you said yes, without missing a beat, because you genuinely loved Jungkook and for you, the both of you were a match made in heaven.

By the two year mark of being a wedded couple though, just being in love with each other wasn’t enough. There were a lot of arguments, irreconcilable differences, a lot of moments wherein you wanted to abandon everything and just disappear—until you finally declared that enough was enough and you were going to file for divorce.

Of course, Jungkook didn’t want to sign them, but he did grant you a little bit of your freedom back. He did so by leaving your shared apartment on a random Thursday, only sending a text that said he was being called by the Navy for a mission he couldn’t disclose per usual, and that if you really wanted to divorce him, you’d just have to wait for him to go back.

He never returned though. Because after that mission, came a next one, and another one, until you heard that he was invited to a naval fighter weapons school in the northern part of the country, close to the seas and where he’ll be training for a few weeks among the best naval aviators in the nation. 

That’s when he decided to invite you over and say that if you wanted his signature, you’d have to be the one who’ll go to him. You initially contemplated for a long time before just going forth with his ridiculous demand. Nonetheless, you figured you were once again left with no choice because here you were now, doing exactly what he wanted to get what you exactly wanted as well.

God, who knew that contrary to how easy it was to enter this marriage, it was an absolute pain to get out of it?

“Do you know where he might be?” you asked Hoseok while taking a sip of your beer. “Or if he’s going here at least?”

“I have no clue,” Hoseok said. “Though I do know that he should have free time. We don’t have training for the rest of the day.”

“I’ll be seriously pissed if he stands me up.”

“He won’t.”

“It’s Jungkook.”

“Yeah, but you’re ____,” he said it like it was reason enough, “and Jungkook can’t resist seeing you. Especially if it’s been what? How many months have passed since you two saw each other?”

You held up six fingers, continuing to gulp down your drink in frustration. “Still, he loves to annoy the shit out of me.”

“It’s his love language.”

“Oh, I’ve been made very aware.”

Hoseok barked out a laugh. He was a huge fan of your dynamic with Jungkook; he was practically there throughout the whole journey of your relationship. As Jungkook’s weapon systems officer, the both of them were thick as thieves, which also made him the best man of the wedding—so deep inside, he wanted to believe that whatever it was that you and Jungkook were dealing with, it would be resolved soon enough.

“Well, it looks like you don’t have to wait for too long.” Hoseok toasted his glass to the direction of the entrance where the Jeon Jungkook entered, removing his aviator sunglasses and hooking it on the collar of his white shirt, worn inside a dark blue long-sleeved polo he was sporting as well.

You followed his line of vision and scowled at the sight of Jungkook. Not because you hated your husband, but because even when in the middle of finalizing a divorce, you couldn’t deny that he was too handsome for his own good.

“I think this is my cue to leave,” Hoseok added, getting off his seat. “It was nice seeing you again, ___. Let’s catch up later, yeah? I’ll conspire with Joon and Yoongi to steal you away.” He smiled mischievously and gave you a sweet chaste kiss on the cheek before walking over to Jungkook, greeting him, pointing to where you were, and then walking to another table where you guessed a bunch of other naval aviators were hanging out.

A sigh escaped you, just in time when Jungkook met your gaze.

He grinned—actually grinned—and you had to prevent your eyes from twitching to not look like some crazy person who didn’t have any self-control. So, instead of plastering the same scowl a few seconds ago for him to see, you flashed a sarcastic smile, waving your hand.

“There’s my beautiful wife,” Jungkook claimed when he was close enough, marching towards you, appearing like he was going to go for a kiss but before he could, you outstretched an arm and stopped him by literally wrapping your fingers around his neck as if you were planning to choke him to death with the gesture (which you were tempted to do).

He rolled his eyes, holding your wrist and bringing it down.

“Can’t I give you a kiss?” he retorted.

“No.”

“And Hoseok can?”

“Hoseok’s my friend.”

“I’m your husband.”

“Ex-husband.”

“Wrong. I haven’t signed any divorce papers, honey, so in the eyes of the law, I’m still very much your husband.” He quickly stole a kiss on the corner of your mouth and you allowed yourself to grimace in annoyance, glaring at him as he took Hoseok’s previous seat.

You watched him order a drink for himself and nachos for sharing. You didn’t say anything while he did all that; you just stared at him, analyzing him, trying to decipher what was going on in that head of his. You honestly had no clue what his thought process was in depriving you of the signature you wanted and then randomly agreeing to meet you again, accompanied with the condition that you’re the one who has to go to him and not the other way around.

As he reasoned, he was still in the middle of training, and he couldn’t just leave even if he wanted to and that’s why you had to make the effort to make this work (he made it clear that he didn’t want to make the effort anyway if it meant it could lead to his and yours divorce).

“How are you?” he asked once he was done ordering and you scoffed.

“Let’s not do that, Jungkook.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me that I’m not allowed to know how you’re doing too.”

“I meant the small talk. Let’s just cut to the chase.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Jungkook.”

“Alright.” He placed an arm against the counter, spinning his stool to face you. “You already know where I stand, though. I still haven’t changed my mind in wanting to work it out first.”

“What? But you told me that if I went here—”

“I would talk to you, not sign the papers,” he finished. “You didn’t really think I’d sign them just like that, right?”

Your stomach dropped.

There goes assuming that the three-hour flight to go here would be worth it.

“I did, actually.” You grumbled. “When are you giving this a rest?”

He seemed annoyed by the rhetoric question. “When are you going to stop thinking that divorce is the answer to our problem?”

“We already did couple’s therapy and that proved to be a waste of time.”

“That’s because you were stubborn and wouldn’t cooperate.”

“Oh, I’m the one who’s stubborn between the both of us? I’m the one who wouldn’t cooperate?”

“Yes.”

“No, I’m not!” You raised your hands up. “You were the one who always said some lame excuse to not attend it with me.”

“Babe, how many times do I have to tell you, my schedule isn’t—”

“Yeah, whatever.” You didn’t let him finish, knowing that he was going to say something about how being in the Navy didn’t grant him the free time you were expecting him to have.

“I’m just saying… you can’t keep on doing this, you know?” you said.

“Can’t keep doing what?”

“Prolonging this. We already broke up, Jungkook. There’s not point in staying married.”

“That’s the thing, though.” He smirked. “I can keep prolonging it.”

Your nostrils flared. “Why?”

“Because I can.”

You think flashes of red were beginning to blur your vision.

Jungkook noticed the rage building up, yet he didn’t back down. “Why are you even so eager to legally separate? Do you plan on getting married again soon?” he asked.

It was supposed to be a joke, because Jungkook didn’t actually think you were seeing anyone at the moment—but at the mention of it, he saw the manner in which your expression slightly shifted, and he narrowed his eyes at you, understanding. “Don’t bullshit me. You aren’t seeing anyone, right?”

You blinked, acting all innocent. “It’s none of your business.”

“It is. You’re still married to me.”

“We’ve broken up for almost a year now, Jungkook.” You groaned, remaining him once again. “If you just signed the goddamn papers, all of this would be out of your hands.”

He scoffed. “You are seeing someone?”

“That is not the point of our conversation.”

“Well, it’s a significant aspect of it.”

“Fine.” You huffed. “I am seeing someone. Happy?”

Jungkook was in fact not happy. He was angry, but then he thought of how he shouldn’t be, because you and him have broken up for almost a year now like you said. Even though he wasn’t in support of that notion, he remembered at least granting you enough freedom to feel like you could date around without thinking about how you were technically cheating on him if ever you did. 

However, he didn’t really think you would find someone. Sure, you were beautiful, you had an amazing personality, there was no question when it came to you attracting men, yet you could be picky most of the time. It was even a miracle how he managed to bag you; though he guessed that he didn’t really have to try that hard in the first place before because the two of you just had so much in common for you to ignore.

“What’s his name?” he asked after a long silence.

You crossed your arms. “Do you have to know?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” You adjusted yourself in your seat. “It’s Ben.”

Jungkook thought the name sounded stupid. “How long have you been dating him?”

You hesitated, already predicting how he was going to react that you almost exaggerated the answer, but decided against it last minute. “Five weeks.”

He suddenly burst out laughing, the sound echoing inside the bar; it was the exact type of response you were positive he was going to do, proof that you knew him too well and that you shouldn’t have changed your pretense in the first place.

“It’s not funny,” you hissed, noticing that a lot of people were glancing at where you were both situated. “What the hell is funny about what I said?”

“You want to divorce me for a guy you’ve been dating for five weeks?” He carried on snickering; he barely got the whole sentence out because he was too busy catching his breath.

“Of course not! I would just prefer it if I don’t have any baggage left before attempting to commit to another relationship.”

The barmaid came back with Jungkook’s beer and nachos. He thanked her and slid the basket of cheesy nachos to your direction, an offer that you could get a piece if you wanted. However you were neither hungry nor interested in getting anything from him that would elicit a thank you from you, too prideful at this point due to how annoying he was being.

“What does he do for a living?” he asked next.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re going to make fun of it.”

“Is it worth making fun of?”

“No.”

“Then just tell me.” He threw a chip inside his mouth. 

You pressed your lips together. “He’s a bank clerk.”

Jungkook didn’t laugh this time, but the corners of his mouth were twitching as he grinned, and you found yourself refraining from wanting to strangle him again, questioning why you thought it was a good idea to come here since it was obvious that talking to him properly was an impossible task.

“You’re dating a bank clerk?” he posed the question like it was the most preposterous thing he had heard from you today. “What the hell do the both of you have in common?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll have you know that Ben is a very nice guy.”

“That’s what ladies say when a man is horrible in bed.”

“That’s not true.”

“Is he good then?”

“That’s none of your business, Jungkook,” you uttered once more, teeth gritting. “Besides, it’s only been five weeks.”

He smirked. “That’s a no then. It seems that you haven’t slept with him,” he said. “Makes sense. I mean, if you have already slept with another guy, you might be already begging me to get back together. Given that I’m the best sex you’ve ever had.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “How the fuck are you always so arrogant?”

“It comes with the praise I usually get during my escapades, babe.” Jungkook winked at you, hand reaching out for another nacho.

“Oh, so I’m assuming you do have sex with other people now. You know, if you’ve just divorced me, you can go live your happy single life again to go to that without any worries.”

“I don’t sleep with other people—”

“But you just said—”

“I meant before I met you.” He pointed out, giving you a look. “Why are you even thinking about that? Are you jealous?”

“God, you’re fucking impossible.” You practically growled. 

He flashed you another smirk, amused.

“Anyhow,” you began, bringing out the divorce papers from your bag that you should have given him the second you saw him, but as what you think was part of his plan, he did manage to stall you in doing so, “here’s the papers.” You shoved it to his chest, rendering Jungkook no choice but to grab it.

He glanced down at them. “You’re never going to stop until I sign these, huh?”

You nodded. “Never.”

“Fine.” Jungkook flickered his gaze on you. “I’ll sign them.”

You glared at him. “Be serious.”

“I am serious.”

“Are you?”

You were still suspicious, but at the same time, you had high hopes.

“Yes. But I need to meet Ben the bank clerk first.”

Your spirits dropped. “Oh, no, no, no,” you made a huge cross sign with your arms, “you are not giving me another condition just to go against your word in the end.”

“I won’t this time.”

“Yeah, right.” You scoffed loudly.

It was his turn to narrow his eyes at you. “I’m serious. You want my signature or not?”

You bit the insides of your cheeks, gazing at him.

You were no fool, you knew why he wanted to meet him; you knew that it was because he wanted to see it for himself if the guy you replaced him for was actually more good looking than him or at least appeared as if he could survive a fistfight if Jungkook prompted to start one. It was all testosterone and ego, and you contemplated cutting his balls just to get this over with once and for all.

Surely, by then, he would be more agreeable.

“Fine,” you told him. “If you meet him, you’ll sign the papers? Promise?”

He took a sip of his beer, shrugging. “Sure.”

***

Jungkook watched the scene unfold in front of him with an amused expression.

Although he did admit it once that he did get a bit jealous whenever you gave the other guys more attention than him, he loved his best pals too much to care.

It was why he allowed instances like this to happen wherein you made it apparent that you valued their company much more than you did Jungkook. It was evident in the manner in which you laughed loudly as Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon hugged you, each one of them taking turns in lifting your body off the ground a few seconds in glee.

You were seen as a beloved sister to them as they saw Jungkook as a cherished brother in the Navy.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Jungkook reckoned after five seconds.

Namjoon glanced at him, the last one to embrace you. “Jealous?” he teased, reading his mind.

“I am, actually.” Jungkook affirmed. “You three got a better greeting than I did.”

You rolled your eyes at the pettiness of his comment. “That’s because there’s nothing good about seeing you again, Jungkook.”

Jungkook glanced at you. “You wound me, babe.” He placed a dramatic hand on his chest. “Truly, you do.”

The guys stifled a laugh.

Today’s agenda was supposed to be a catch up session with the three guys. News spread quickly yesterday that you were in town thanks to Hoseok, and given that the three of them were good friends of yours, you didn’t decline the offer when Jungkook informed you that they wanted to meet you while you were here.

So, as the next day came in and the evening rolled, they met up with you at the same resto-bar Hoseok found you in. It did seem like the only venue that was both near enough from the academy and the hotel you were staying at that offered adequate food. You observed that the occupants of the place were composed primarily of people wearing naval aviator uniforms or motorcyclists stopping by before going forth with their ride.

“So,” Yoongi began just as Jungkook headed to the counter, volunteering to relay all of your orders to the barmaid, “we heard from a little birdie that you’re seeing someone else.”

You gave him a look. “Still a big gossip, I see.”

“Oh, it’s not counted as gossip if it’s what Jungkook’s been complaining about the whole time at the showers,” Namjoon humored.

Hoseok agreed with a nod. “It’s what he’s been nonstop yapping about earlier when we were flying,” he said. “Seriously, ____. Release the boy from misery and just get back together.”

They watched you grimace. “You all know my relationship with Jungkook has been long complicated for it to be as easy as that.”

“Did he cheat on you?” Namjoon asked.

“No, of course not.” You scoffed. “He’s an annoying shit for the most part but he’s not a cheater.”

He physically relaxed at the confirmation. “Good, because I don’t think I can beat him in a fistfight.”

Yoongi chuckled. “What’s the matter then? You still haven’t spared us any details on why you’re so keen to divorce him.”

“There’s no particular reason,” you sighed with a throw of your hand. “It’s just a compilation of the small things. He’s away most of the time, I’m away most of the time when he’s available—we fight a lot, argue a lot, it just doesn’t seem to be worth fighting for anymore.”

“So, you don’t love him anymore?”

“I…” you trailed, abruptly feeling like you were being interrogated, “I mean, love doesn’t go away easily. And it hasn’t been that long since we called it quits.”

The three men shared a look among themselves.

You straighten your posture. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What does?” Hoseok queried.

“That look you guys just gave each other. I don’t like it.”

“That’s just their faces, babe,” Jungkook reappeared, taking the liberty to take the seat on your right. “What are you fellas talking about?” he asked his buddies.

They didn’t dare utter a word. You were under the impression that they had an understanding between them that talking about your relationship right in Jungkook’s face was something one should not ought to do.

You, on the other hand, took it as your cue to speak, starting another topic to hopefully erase the previous one. “Ben said he can come. He’s boarding tonight,” you told Jungkook as he’s sipping from his glass of service water.

“That’s good.” He didn’t look as interested as he was yesterday.

“Who’s Ben?” It was Hoseok again.

“The bank clerk,” Jungkook answered.

“The new guy you’re seeing?” Yoongi asked you.

“Yep,” you said before turning to Jungkook. “And can you please refer to him by his name? He’s not just a bank clerk.”

“Is he a boring bank clerk?” Jungkook asked, that teasing smirk flashing on his mouth.

“Will he be here tomorrow?” Namjoon chimed in.

You nodded. “Hopefully.”

“Great,” Jungkook placed his glass down on the table. “It’ll be enough time to get to know him.”

He said ‘enough time’ like his time was limited because it really was. He informed you before you parted ways yesterday that he was graduating from the academy this Friday, and that after that, he was almost 100% sure he was going to be deployed again with some of his classmates for a mission that you wouldn’t be allowed to know the details of. 

Your stomach somersaulted when he told you that.

Somehow, despite convincing yourself that you no longer cared for Jungkook, the thought of his life being put at risk again once he was back on the field made you want to vomit in anxiety. It reminded you that his very dangerous occupation was one of the root causes of your separation, for there were months wherein you couldn’t take the fear of waiting in uncertainty on whether he was going to come home to you or not, regardless of how he promised he would every single time.

It was funny, you thought. One of your similarities with your husband was that the both of you were adrenaline junkies. You and him bonded over extreme rides in amusement parks, activities that got your heart pumping and gave you the sensation of being on top of the world—and yet it was the reason why you didn’t want to be with him anymore as well, too scared to continue loving him if he always sought for adventure and danger through being a naval aviator.

“You knew what you were signing up for, ____,” he told you during one of your many arguments. “You entered this relationship knowing the nature of my job. You can’t expect to adjust for you when it comes to—”

“I’m not expecting you to adjust for me, Kook,” you replied in exasperation, practically begging him to listen to you with an open mind at that point. “God, I just want you to consider me. I just want to feel that for once, you actually remember that someone’s always waiting for you to come home.”

Whenever conversations like that popped back inside your memory, you forced yourself to push it away. It wasn’t an experience you wanted to relive. You’ve spent far too many nights just crying because of how it felt like to be in a constant state of worry for the person you found yourself loving the most.

“We can all meet him, right?” asked Hoseok, looking at the other guys for back up. 

You surveyed them, raising your eyebrows before saying your answer.

“Like the hell you would.”

[pretentiouswreckingball]

I’m so

[dumplingsjinson]

List of random dialogue prompts 

“I was never a morning person, but then I started waking up to your face and you know… Maybe mornings aren’t that bad, after all.” 

“Why are you mad?” “I’m not mad, I just think you can choose better people to kiss.” 

“I fucking hate you.” “No you don’t. Take that back right now.” 

“You know I’d do anything to have you stay by my side, right? Anything.”  

“Oh, fuck. Do that again.” 

“You look stupid as all hell right now.”

“I want to believe you, but I don’t know if I can.” 

“You’ve given me so many reasons to walk away.” “Then why don’t you walk away? It’s not like I’m keeping you hostage here.” “You still don’t get it, do you? It’s because I love you.” 

“…Damn it all to hell, if I don’t get to have you tonight then I’m never going to be able to have you.” 

“Let me call you mine, just for tonight.”

“I think you and I make an amazingly stupid pair.” “I know! Our two brain cells combined together make for quality entertainment and a unique kind of stupidity.” 

“I’m going to have so much fun with you.”

“Oh God, yes, right there— oh my God, just like that, please don’t stop.” “…Can you stop that? You’re making it sound like we’re in a porno and now I’m highly uncomfortable.” 

“Bet you they don’t make you sound like that, do they?” 

“Fuck, you’re such a wreck, and because of me, too.” 

“Can you stop moaning? I’m trying to help you relax but you’re making it hard for me to concentrate.” “Sorry, your hands just work a little too good.” “I’m going to pay for a masseuse next time if you keep doing this.” 

“You are driving me insane and I’m this close to losing my shit because of you.”

“Is hating me your only personality trait?”

“Never scare me like that again!” 

“Oh, don’t worry. I have every plan to make you submit to me.”

“I’m not even gonna lie, I’m just so fucking obsessed with you.” 

“That could be us.” “That is us.”

“Was it worth it?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you— slow down, you’ll get what you want soon enough.”

“I want you to remember every single second of this.” 

“Bet you they can’t make you feel the way I do.” “Bet’s on.” “Wait, what? That was not my intention—”

“Hm, but I think I like having you spread out like this. Such a gorgeous sight.” 

“Come and get your fix.”

“…You’re an addiction I never want to quit.” 

“I had nothing to live for, but then you came into my life. So thank you.” 

“Why’d you— why’d you do that?” “B-Because I promised you I’d do anything to keep you safe.” 

“I swear if we get caught then I’m actually going to kill you.” 

“You think I wanted this to happen?!”

“Just when I was about to give up…”

“I trusted you with my life.” “Well, I’m sorry but you’re clearly very gullible.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same as I do, then I’ll leave you alone.” 

“You know, maybe you should bet on something else the next time instead of betting on someone’s fucking feelings.” 

“You’re such a dork.” “Yeah, no wonder you’re so in love with me.”

“Does me doing all these things not account for anything?” “I never asked you to do those things for me, though, did I?”

“You nearly foiled our plan, you idiot!”

“I… I think I’m happy.” “You think? So you’re not one hundred percent certain?”

“Who’s laughing now?” “…Clearly not you. You’re crying, dear God.” 

“I’m tired of being on the sidelines.” 

“You actually came back.”

“Christ on a fucking bike, I could kiss you right now.”

“That was a bold move.”

“We’re going to be late, all because you couldn’t stop scrolling through that damn phone of yours while taking your damn sweet time to shit!” 

“Kinda sucks that I can only have you like this.” 

“I fell in love, so hard, and so fast, but a part of me knew it wasn’t going to last.” 

“Your heart’s always on your sleeve.” “Only around you, because you’re the only one who knows me so well. Too well, in fact.”  

(pt. 2) | (pt. 3)

[arvandus]

Ok more thoughts on Dabi’s ending…

Like I’m not even mad about him dying, honestly. I get that his story has always been one riddled in tragedy. I love tragic characters so tragic endings sorta come with the package (still crying over the ending for Loki season 2).

I appreciate, from a literary standpoint, the impact of dying by one’s own rage. Of letting that hurt and anger literally consume you until there’s practically nothing left of you. I see that that is what they were going for with him, and that part is FINE. Sad as fuck, but not shocking, not surprising.

The issue I have with it is the context and overall messaging. The fact that Dabi dies but Endeavor doesn’t; I’m not even saying that Enji needed to die, and he does get permanently injured and has to give up hero work. BUT the fact that Enji, the abuser and the source of so many people’s pain, not only lives but gets to still have the support of at least some of his family (Natsuo, I love you baby!) leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I think it’s because I’ve never found Enji’s redemption very convincing. I’m not saying this in a “he’s evil and has no soul” sort of way, but it’s more in the fact that his actions have always been rooted in cowardice and ego. The fact that Enji gives up being a hero because he got injured in battle rather than giving up being a hero willingly because it was the very thing that made him so toxic and awful to begin with… meh. Not to mention he still had his son face off with his other son instead of confronting him directly. He still dilly dallied and never went searching for Touya after their initial conflict and reveal even though Shouto wanted to. That’s what I mean when I say Enji’s redemption was half-assed. He was too much of a coward and too focused on being a hero to the masses instead of being a father to his children and that never changed for him. So did he realize what he did in the past was wrong? Yes. Did he feel bad about it? Sure. Did he take the appropriate steps to right past wrongs? No. No he fucking didn’t. Too little, too late.

But it’s not just about Enji. It’s also the hopelessness that’s communicated by Shouto failing to save his brother and never have soba with him in the end. And it’s a message of hopelessness that’s communicated with Toga and Shigaraki’s deaths as well. I don’t know if they we’re going for a “loss of innocence/you can’t save everyone” sort of vibe as a part of the student characters growing up into adults, but it still just made it all feel sort of… pointless in the end. And that pointlessness was emphasized even more by how unmoved they all seemed to be in the aftermath/ending of the story. Not really much mourning, not really much regret. Add to that that the overall status quo seems to be maintained, and really it feels as if nothing has changed; nothing has gotten better (even though supposedly it has??).

I dunno. Take what I say with a grain of salt cuz I haven’t read the ending and I’ve gotten the info from tumblr screenshots. But I’m tired and don’t have it in me to pick it back up again. If the characters are going to die, that’s fine, but make it meaningful, make it worth it, make it cataclysmic in the ushering in of a better world. Give me systems of support within the society to help people in need, people with dangerous quirks. Give me a dismantling of the popularity aspect of heroism, because a system built on the monetization and entertainment cannot also be a moral system. Show me how you’re addressing the toxicity of hero worship, how you’re dismantling the pedestals so that quirkless children aren’t bullied and heroes aren’t driven to madness in the fight to the top.

If you can’t give me those things, then what’s the point. It’s just more of the same. Your story gave us nothing.

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Cold Moon in Cancer ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Happy New Year~!🍀It’s January already but, gosh, aren’t we all still preparing for the spring equinox this year🍓That’s when the real new year begins, aenergetically~🎍

The Full Cold Moon on 26th December carried a theme surrounding Home and Hearth. It touches on our IC (Imum Coeli) and 4th House in our natal chart. The IC tells us who we are when no one’s watching, and after we become super clear about that, it helps us realise what kinds of company are legitimately good for our sense of belonging in this mortal world.

Your IC can literally shed light unto the reasons you feel alone and separated from the people around. The Full Cold Moon in Cancer—ruler of the 4th House—invites us to take a look at our sense of familyship whilst being incarnate on Earth.

People on this Planet have been struggling with an immense sense of loneliness since the introduction of social media; isn’t that strange? How is it that the more people we’re able to connect with the more miserable we feel on the inside? Well, isn’t it clear that social media has helped us become more aware of what’s truly FAKE when it comes to human connections?💍

Our IC deeply craves real familial connections. Moving forward, wouldn’t you rather entertain soul-based friendships that really care about your wellbeing as a Human being? This Cold Full Moon in Cancer, you’re invited to once again die to everything and everyone that doesn’t make you feel seen, heard, respected, or wanted👻

Fake connections, whether online or offline, can go fuck ‘emselves🥢

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – The Choice to be Free Has Always Been Yours to Make

i d e n t i t y – Knight of Pentacles

Others may think you are mad, but you of all people know there is method to your madness. More than everybody else gives you credit for, you’re actually somebody who’s very strategizing. You are careful with your plans and you think very many things through before you execute your plan. Others simply do not understand this mechanism in your brain because you’re quite unique, quite unorthodox even. This Full Cold Moon, you are invited to ponder if the source of your misery is actually other people’s beliefs about you rather than your actual incapability.

Just because you’re following a strange path of your own doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Weirdos throughout history have changed societies for the better. We should all be thankful to weirdos—and especially, WITCHES. Did you know that WAY TOO MANY of our advances in science and medicine were actually done by witches? They burnt and hanged the witches and took credit for all of their hard work. Tsk tsk tsk… I raise my cup to all y’all witches who’s working to blast open new pathways for the rest of Mankind🍸Keep doing you. Keep going because spring will surprise you with loads of delights~🍬

s e r e n i t y – Queen of Pentacles Rx

You’re a helpful soul, that much is apparent. But you’ve got to learn some discernment so that you don’t get taken advantage of very easily. What the Queen of Pentacles in reverse is trying to show you is that, unfortunately, too many people in this world don’t even deserve to be helped. Not by you, at least. Unless you’re getting paid for rehabbing messed up people, let them deal with their own mess and grow up from it. Ultimately the Queen of Pentacles Rx is cautioning you against letting messed up people in your inner circle because these types of people are gonna bring their mess into your Life.

You get to decide, with your skilled discernment, who’s worth helping, fighting for; who’s worth keeping because they give you just as much affection. If, in order to keep serenity in your world you must look like a stingy bitch, let it be. Be selective with who you give your time and money to. Make sure you aren’t sucked dry of spiritual aenergy yourself. Your Higher Self and team of Spirit Guides are saying, this whole winter you’ve got shit to manifest—big, big shit. Preserve your precious aenergy so you can manifest real, long-lasting results~!🌳

f a m i l y – 8 of Cups Rx

Having said all of that, this card is saying: don’t easily walk away from things and endeavours that you know from deep within your heart matter. I think you’re so dreamy and floaty that you could have a hard time being realistic when it comes to the physical manifestation of your real desires. You could think, since they’re unrealistic, you might as well give up and choose to focus on other more pragmatic pursuits. If you must leave, leave the people and environments that don’t support your heart’s desires—don’t leave the desires and end up becoming very unhappy with yourself! After all, with your already methodical mind, you actually have all the power in you to bridge your dreams to Reality.

That’s why, honey, the freedom to be free has always been in your mind. Now you’ve just got to make the right decision—what kind of freedom is real freedom to you? The freedom to choose to kowtow to societal expectations or the freedom to walk your own path no matter how lonely (at first)?

‘If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.’ – Frank Zappa

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Art and Romanticism Have Always Been an Important Part of Your Heart

i d e n t i t y – 9 of Cups

You have many dreams, but if there’s one thing, you’ve always dreamt to be independent, doing your dreamy things in your dreamy space. I think you’re the kind of person who’d be considered a quiet eccentric. You have many interests and hobbies, and you’re quite sensitive about having your me-time uninterrupted. I think you could erupt if someone walks in on your serious activity and startle you or if someone in your family tells you to go and do something in the middle of your reading. That kinda vibe. You’re quite a loner, actually. You’re super weird tho XD Do you maybe identify as an autistic kid, fam?

Anyway, please know that this Full Cold Moon is inviting you to ponder more deeply about your place amongst Humans. I have a feeling you don’t really like Humans or at least, you find human interactions absolutely exhausting, for the most part. If you know this blog, you know already how much I prize individuality and being alone if it means peace of mind and faster manifestations LOL BUTT!! In this reading, I’m getting that many of you may want to ponder yet again how you interact with people, especially those closest to you because sometimes, there really are people who care about your wellbeing more than you realise.

s e r e n i t y – 10 of Cups Rx

Many of you choosing this Pile probably haven’t got a nice family background. Of course, there are a million scenarios for each person but for the most part, I sense that you’ve felt familial connections to be emotionally unsatisfying. That’s why you seek emotional fulfilment in this multitude of hobbies and interests. Clearly you’re a very intelligent person, that much I’d like to iterate. And so, this reading seeks to validate your feelings about your eccentricity.

Art and all those dramatic things have always been integral to your sense of identity. I really think you should indulge, as long as whatever dramatic things you enjoy aren’t detrimental to your mental or physical wellbeing. If you happen to be the type that’s already doing detrimental things in your pursuit of an emotional high, this card is suggesting you pause breathe and eat before you go after another round of pursuing that high.

f a m i l y – Page of Cups Rx

When you’re pausing, you can cry. Accepting our emotions and acknowledging that they make us Human usually comes with a sense of grieving for all the ways we’ve thought ourselves as being in the wrong. There’s not a thing fundamentally wrong with you, it’s the people around you that have made you feel like you can’t communicate with them with striking vulnerability. And if these experiences have caused you to bear a lot of dark thoughts or negative emotions, I’d like you to know it happens to the best of us.

You could literally turn your pains into art, if anything. If you’ve chosen this Pile as your main pile, know that the pain you’ve experienced through human connections could be turned into art and that your Art has the capacity to heal those who come into contact with its backstory. And this, totally will have a significant place on the world stage because, as you can see, human interactions in recent years have gotten weirder and weirder in some capacity. So many people are hurting from getting disappointed by the…government and celebrities? LOL

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Princess Kaguya, Is That You?

i d e n t i t y – 2 of Cups Rx

At the core of your being, you’ve always been different in that your heart is a lot purer, your morality is criminally significantly higher, you’re compassionate and can empathise with people on a level that’s beyond the comprehension of most others. The way you’ve experienced this Human Reality is incomparable to what most others have known. Basically, you’re an alien! And that’s an incredibly modest thing to say about you.

What you genuinely wish to see manifest in this world is vastly more high-vibrational than most people would even care to think about. I hope you accept that you are genuinely such a good person when you’re in your best element. What’s really difficult to maintain is your faith in people, for the most part, because you haven’t really met anyone who’s capable of giving their heart to you as deeply as you’ve given yours. This whole experience has broken your spirit and faith in a lot of things.

s e r e n i t y – 9 of Pentacles

And thus, you’ve carved out a Life of your own, quite separate from most people you’ve ever known. I’m sure you’ve burnt a lot of bridges up until just recently, and I sense, many of you simply know there’s still a few more to burn going forward. This is your confirmation that you’ve done the right thing. In this Human world, too many people buy into the idea that to be good is to be social; but you’ve experienced firsthand that that’s often not the case. You know firsthand that many people’s demons get activated by some weird connections to other people’s demons. And you don’t like that.

So you made a decision to walk away from most aspects of social life and worked your butt off to polish your skills. Some of you have spent many years studying; some of you have spent very many months working on a glow-up; some of you have deepened your spiritual prowess and connected to higher realms; basically, you’ve died and become a ghost… Springtime will bring you the resurrection you deserve, bitch!🎍

f a m i l y – King of Cups

About your Soul Fam though, I feel that travel is highly indicated for you. Some of you, you could be meeting a Soul Fam member during travels, but for the majority of you, this aenergy is giving the idea that you’re literally meant to travel the world or live abroad, perhaps even for the rest of your lives. Highly advanced souls can often have a narrative in which they’re expected to die on a land different from the one they were born into. So, if you’ve been thinking of moving to a different country or state, this is your confirmation that it is indeed part of your soul scenario.

Thanks to modern travel, it’s so easy for highly advanced souls to connect with their true Family members from different countries and that’s something we’re glad about LOL If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re going to die alone and sad, that’s totally not the case. If anything, you have so many Soul Fam members who are going to be just as highly spiritual, profoundly dreamy and vastly empathetic as you are. You’re going to be very glad when the time comes for Soul Families to reunite in the upcoming couple of years~ YAY~!

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[beom9yus]

anything to help. - beomgyu x reader

:afab!reader x beomgyu (reader x yeonjun—non smut)

:reader is an asshole, penetration, grinding, some angst..pretty much just couch sex lol oh and beomgyu gets used emotionally and physically haha…

word count: 2k

You were tired. You are tired. The constant fighting, bickering, feeling like nothing is enough for him anymore. You just couldn’t handle it any longer. You don’t even know what this stupid argument is about. You’re tired of yelling.

You look at Yeonjun who was staring at the wall, putting his hand through his hair while his other hand was on his waist. He was just as angry as you, so upset, his face was flushed and his eyebrows in a locked, furrowed, position. You’ve had enough, you don’t think it’s worth it anymore. You could care less about yourself, but he’s always upset, mad, annoyed. He’s not once told you he’s loved you. He’s always avoided it, even when you constantly say it to him. You think it’s probably because he didn’t feel the same. You don’t want him to be with you if he doesn’t want to.

“We’re over. It’s over,” it feels as if your heart was heavy and was going to explode at any moment. It’s not like you didn’t love him anymore, you do. You always will, but right now, loving one another hurts both of you constantly and you don’t want him to hurt any more. You’d do anything for him, and you think it’s time to let him go. You think he wants to let you go, but doesn’t know how to tell you. So you’re making it easier for him.

He quickly snaps his head to look at you, “what?” You stare back at him, eyes constantly blinking from trying to hold back your tears. You start shaking a little, your mouth and chin trembling. “Go. Like I said, it’s over, I’m done.” Each word you said felt like heavy boulders on your chest. You didn’t want him gone, but you know(think) he’s not happy. You see the way his eyes start to get red and glossy, his eye area becoming puffy, “What the fuck are you saying? No!”

“Yeonjun we’re done! Get out of here. I don’t want you here anymore. Leave.” He slowly starts to walk over to you. “Y/n I-,“ you stop him in his tracks. “Go, before I call somebody.” “Yeah? Who the hell are you going to call?! You have nobody but me and Beomgyu, you know that,” he sneers. “Doesn’t fucking matter, I’ll try anyone, everyone. I’ll send your shit over to you with someone. Just get out of here.” You try to ignore the way your voice cracks and shakes with every other word you say.

You see a flash of a pained expression on his face until it became anger, “Fine. I’ll go. Fuck you and fuck everything in your life that isn’t me.” He starts to leave with fast and heavy footsteps, as he reaches the door, he looks back to turn at you, and you think you imagine tears on his face. With one last glance, he slams the door so loudly and harsh that the frames hanging on your wall shake.

As soon as you think he’s gone, you break down. Loud sobs while you sit on the couch, your head in your hands as you feel your tears slip through the gaps in your fingers. Everything hurts.

It’s been almost a week since you broke things off with Yeonjun. you’ve been trying to keep your mind off of him with work, and it helps, until you get home. As soon as you enter your apartment your eyes start watering and your chest starts hurting, you miss him so much. You’re unable to do anything but lay down and cry and just think. There’s so many things wrong now. But there’s something else that has also been bothering you.

Beomgyu, who’s Yeonjun’s childhood friend, hasn’t said anything to you about the breakup. You and Beomgyu became close friends right after Yeonjun introduced you guys. You immediately hit it off, having fun every time you guys hung out. Always texting. It’s always been platonic and you guys were best friends at this point too, so you found it weird he hasn’t brought it up or tried consoling you. You guess it’s because he doesn’t want to seem like he’s choosing sides, but it’s just been normal texting with him. Having enough, and just wanting to talk about it with someone finally, you wipe your tears and decide to text him.

You: beomgyu, can I ask you a question?

bear man 🧸: im scared, but yeah what’s up?

You: well, how come you haven’t said anything about me and yeonjun’s breakup? It’s been almost over a week now and you haven’t even brought it up, btw im sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, I just wanted to know.

It was so hard to type out his name, even harder to realize you’re typing the word breakup and Yeonjun in the same sentence.

bear man 🧸: what?

bear man 🧸: I didn’t even know about it, honestly

bear man 🧸: you’re telling me neither you or yeonjun told me after a week? Until now? Seriously?

You: I thought you knew? Maybe that Yeonjun told you? I was wondering why you didn’t mention anything about it and I thought you just didn’t want to get involved, I know it’s going to be weird since you’re best friends with Yeonjun, but I still want to know if we can keep being friends? Unless it’s too weird..:( also can you come over one day to take his things to him please? Whenever you can.

bear man 🧸: im not sure about being friends still, I’ve known yeonjun for such a long time and I’d have to talk to him, I hope you understand. It’s not like I don’t want to not keep being friends with you, but Yeonjun’s important to me as well.

bear man 🧸: is tomorrow ok?

You: I understand. And yeah I’m free tomorrow all day

You put your phone away and sigh, tears brimming your eyes once again, threatening to spill. You let go of Yeonjun, and now you might lose the only friend you have?

Today you woke up in an ok mood, you’re going to see Beomgyu, even if he’s just coming over to tell you you can’t be friends anymore. You’re still looking forward to being around a presence that isn’t your coworkers’. You get up, get ready, and start cleaning.

About an hour after you’re done, you hear your doorbell ring. You look through the peephole and of course, “it’s Beomgyu!” You smile at him happily, giving him a tight hug. He laughs while returning the gesture. He’s so warm.

“Hey y/n, how are you feeling, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, maybe if you’d told me y’know,” he teased. You just gave him a small apology and looked down at your feet while telling him to come in. As he sits down on your couch he looks over at you, waiting for you to do the same.

“I talked to Yeonjun.” Just hearing his name made it feel like you were getting hit with a thousand bricks. You felt your eyes start to swell up. “He says it’s fine, he knows you only have me now, said he didn’t tell me because he wasn’t ready yet,” Beomgyu says, his long pretty brown hair draping over his neck and face. He looks down at his hands that are fumbling with his blue and white flannel. He turns over to look at you. “I want to be here for you y/n, you’re one of my closest friends, anything you need, I’m here.”

You couldn’t hold back the loud cry that left your throat as you plunged into him, landing on his upper thighs, tears staining his white shirt. He just placed his head on top of yours, hand running your upper back while trying to comfort you. “It’s okay. It’s okay ba-“ he stopped mid sentence, freezing. You heard. As you look up at him, some lashes stuck together because of your tears, you ask, “what were you goin to say?” He turned red as he looked away, avoiding eye contact with you.

“Beomgyu.”

“It was nothing y/n.”

As you stare at his face, and you realize you’ve never been this close to it before. You took in the way his nose was so perfect, so tall and pretty. Everything about him was pretty. His lips, his eyes, his hands. You felt guilty, you were thinking something horrible, but you just wanted the pain to go away.

Hiding your face in his neck, you felt the way his chest started heaving slower, as if trying to calm himself down. Sticky lashes hitting his neck, you ask him, “Beomgyu, you said you’d help me with anything right?” He looks down at you, looking nervous. “Of course. Anything, just want to make sure you feel better, Yeonjun’s not doing any better either you kno-”

“Shut up.” You didn’t want to hear his name. Too much pain in your heart and mind when you’re constantly reminded of him. Beomgyu does as he’s told as he doesn’t say another word. “Help me forget about him, even just for a little while, please.” You felt him freeze.

“Y/n I- I can’t do that to him. We’ve known each other since we were in diapers.” Your eyes watering once again, “Beomgyu please, please,” you whisper. “It hurts so much, you said you’d help me, you’d help me feel better. This is how. Be here for me.”

He thinks for a moment before a shaky sigh leaves his lips.

“Okay.”

He already feels the guilt building in his stomach, immediately thinking of Yeonjun, feeling like a pit of nothingness is hanging on to him. He knows he should stop this but he’s too weak to say no to you. He’s in love with you too much to say no. He knows it’s wrong, being in love with his best friends girlfriend, or now ex-girlfriend, but he can’t help it. He’s been drawn to you the moment you met. It’s fine if you use him, he just wants you to feel ok.

“Thank you Beomgyu. Thank you. Need this.” You know what you’re doing is wrong, but you don’t care, you just wanna feel better, even for a short while. You wrap your arms around his neck as you go up higher, reaching his groin area. As you start to sit, you hear Beomgyu whimper as your cunt finally meets with his bulge under his black shorts. You feel your breath start to get more messy, pants leaving your mouth as you start to grind on him. Feeling the jean material slide across your clit through your thin biker shorts. You grab Beomgyu’s hands and place them on your hips, instantly feeling his grip tighten on them.

As you grind, you start to imagine him being someone else. Yeonjun. This hightens your pleasure, moaning more into Beomgyu’s neck as you feel yourself getting close already. You start to fantasize about him and you start to pull on Beomgyu’s soft hair as you go faster, pretending it was Yeonjun’s dark black mullet you’re pulling on. Beomgyu hisses in your ear from the pain coming from your hard pulls, and starts moving his hips more. You felt as Beomgyu thrusts up, bulge hitting you on just the right spot hard, and you feel your orgasm take over. You bite your lip to keep you from moaning Yeonjun’s name as you come undone on his best friend.

You feel Beomgyu still, his length still hard. “Need all of you Gyu, please.” His breath hitches upon hearing the nickname and he nods his head slowly, long hair tickling your cheek. You smile as you finally look at him, his eyes half lidded and his lips red from biting them, he looks so pretty. As your hand reaches for his belt, removing it, you kiss him, liking the way his lips feel against yours. Again, Yeonjun pops into your head. He won’t leave. Beomgyu is transforming into Yeonjun once again in your mind, tricking yourself into thinking it’s him. “Jjun..” you whisper along his lips.

Beomgyu pretends not to hear.

With his belt off and unbuttoning his shorts, you adjust yourself as you pull them down to his thighs, seeing the precum stain on his underwear. You remove your own shorts, not having worn anything under them. Slowly removing them from your cunt, seeing strings of your arousal cling on to the fabric while you peel it off. Beomgyu moans at the sight, feeling his dick twitch. “N-need you y/n, please,” he whimpers. You hum as you finally remove his underwear, letting his length spring free onto his white shirt.

“Making me feel so good Gyu. Thank you.”

You grab his dick as you rub more of your arousal around his tip. He moans and groans at the heat that he can already feel coming from your cunt as you swivel the head of his dick around your slit. Finally having enough, you slowly put him in, starting to go down and sit on his hard dick. You bite your lips as you feel your eyes roll back from how good it feels to start feeling full again. You watch Beomgyu as he looks between you two, seeing his length disappearing into your tight and warm cunt, only having the strength to open his mouth and let choked out, short moans. When he’s finally all the way in, he moans loudly, holding back from thrusting up into you. You take off his flannel and white shirt and then take your shirt and bra off. Beomgyu immediately attached his mouth to one of your nipples, sucking harshly. You hiss at the feeling, starting to finally bounce on him. When feeling this, Beomgyu moans against your nipple, feeling so good as he furrows his brows from the pleasure, only letting go of it to lick his lips and moan. You push him back a little, making his mouth leave your nipple with a small pop, as you wrap your arms around his neck again, feeling your breasts on his naked chest, feeling so good. Beomgyu messily starts thrusting up, letting out groans of your name. “Y/n…baby…fuck…feelin sho good..fuck..baby..baby.” You clench around him as you try to imagine not his body, but of course, Yeonjun’s. Finally creating the feeling of him being here fucking you, and not Beomgyu, you start to moan more, clenching your cunt tight against Beomgyu’s dick. You start to whimper as you feel yourself getting closer, feeling the knot in your stomach start to become tighter, almost letting go. “Y/n..baby…I-fuck I-love you.” You can imagine it being Yeonjun’s lips whispering those words against your ears as you feel yourself almost scream at your second wave coming. You feel drool go down the side of your mouth, rolling your eyes back, shaking, “y-yeonjun..f-f-fuck..jjun!”

Beomgyu starts feeling disgust, anger, guilt, and heartbreak in his stomach as he’s sent over the edge, tears in his eyes from his gross feelings, while also feeling how good your walls hug him while he orgasms. He started biting your shoulder as he started coming, his tears hitting your shoulder.

As you both come down from your highs, you don’t acknowledge the fact that you screamed out Yeonjun’s name. You just started talking to Beomgyu normally, asking if he wanted to watch a movie in your room, feeling immense guilt, knowing that a movie probably isn’t going to make him feel any better from being used. You guys get cleaned up in silence as you finally head over to your bed. Thirty minutes in, you guys are cuddling, still not saying a word to each other after what happened. That’s when you hear your name.

“Y/n? I’m coming in.”

You forgot he has a spare key.

Panic instills in you as you push Beomgyu off your bed and whisper to him to go under it. Normally this wouldn’t be a cause for concern but you both still looked fucked out and Yeonjun’s not stupid. Beomgyu quickly does as he’s told and sees Yeonjun’s shoes he gifted him for his birthday from the gap between the bedsheet and the floor.

“What the hell are you doing here Yeonjun?”

Beomgyu watches as he gets closer to you. “I…I want to be with you y/n.” You scoff, “why? All we do is fight, you can’t even say you love me, I know you don’t want me, so why’re you here? You’re that scared to be alone?” Beomgyu almost scoffs as he hears you self projecting, like you didn’t just use him to not feel alone and away from Yeonjun.

“I’ve thought about it a lot baby, I love you. I’m in love with you.” Beomgyu hears you softly gasp.

“I was always so afraid of telling you because I was scared if anything happene-,” Yeonjun was trying to find the right words as he looked around, pushing a hand through his hair and finally looked back into your eyes, “I didn’t want to set the commitment that I actually am in love with you, because I thought that if anything happened, it would hurt even more. But after this, I just want to be with you, I want to tell you I love you every day, even if it hurts later on.”

You forgot that Beomgyu was under the bed, too busy feeling happy and loved, as you told Yeonjun, “Yeonjun, I love you. I’m in love with you too, I don’t want anyone else but you. You’re the only person I could ever love.”

Beomgyu tries his best to be quiet as he bites his knuckles. He was trying not to sob as feels his tears hit his other hand. He felt tears drop onto his hand that was gripping the framed picture of you and Yeonjun smiling at each other, something that you had stocked away under your bed with the rest of his stuff you also threw under a week ago.

What has he done?

[tqmies]

FIRST OFF, thank you so much for 1k followers! I know I said it a few days ago but I wanted to put in a proper thanks! I love all of you <3 te quiero mucho :D

!! So I'll be running this drabble event for a week and a half! I know it's a short span but I have so many long wip I want to get out too! So in order to get everything out, this will have to be a bit smaller, though my thanks for you is huge!

☆☆ ☆ Below are a list of Au's and Dialogue prompts! Send in an ask with a member of your choice, an AU, and a Dialogue prompt! Please note if you'd like it SFW or NSFW! - And yes, you may send multiple!

☆ I write for all current members of NCT, Ateez, TXT, and TBZ!

☆ Enhypen and P1harmony legal members only!

☆ This event is over! Masterlist will be posted soon, thank you for all the requests!

Remember! Minors DNI :)

AU's ☆

College

Meet-Ugly

Fake Dating

Royalty

Assassins

Roommate

Enemies to Lovers

Rivals to Lovers

Exes to Lovers

Lawyers

Office Romance

Secret Relationship / Hiding

Soulmate

Coworkers

Teachers

FWB

Frat Boy!

Rock Band

Arranged Marriage

Idol Au

Superhero / Supervillian

Airport meeting

Vacation

Angsty Breakup

Friends to Lovers

Mutual Pining

-

Dialogue prompts ☆

“I was never a morning person, but then I started waking up to your face and you know… Maybe mornings aren’t that bad, after all.” 

“Why are you mad?” “I’m not mad, I just think you can choose better people to kiss.” 

“I fucking hate you.” “No you don’t. Take that back right now.” 

“You know I’d do anything to have you stay by my side, right? Anything.”  

“Oh, fuck. Do that again.” 

“You look stupid as all hell right now.”

“I want to believe you, but I don’t know if I can.” 

“You’ve given me so many reasons to walk away.” “Then why don’t you walk away? It’s not like I’m keeping you hostage here.” “You still don’t get it, do you? It’s because I love you.” 

“…Damn it all to hell, if I don’t get to have you tonight then I’m never going to be able to have you.” 

“Let me call you mine, just for tonight.”

“I think you and I make an amazingly stupid pair.” “I know! Our two brain cells combined together make for quality entertainment and a unique kind of stupidity.” 

“I’m going to have so much fun with you.”

“Oh God, yes, right there— oh my God, just like that, please don’t stop.” “…Can you stop that? You’re making it sound like we’re in a porno and now I’m getting kinda hard.” 

“Bet you they don’t make you sound like that, do they?” 

“Fuck, you’re such a wreck, and because of me, too.” 

“Can you stop moaning? I’m trying to help you relax but you’re making it hard for me to concentrate.” “Sorry, your hands just work a little too good.” “I’m going to pay for a masseuse next time if you keep doing this.” 

“You are driving me insane and I’m this close to losing my shit because of you.”

“Is hating me your only personality trait?”

“Never scare me like that again!” 

“Oh, don’t worry. I have every plan to make you submit to me.”

“I’m not even gonna lie, I’m just so fucking obsessed with you.” 

“That could be us.” “That is us.”

“Was it worth it?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you— slow down, you’ll get what you want soon enough.”

“I want you to remember every single second of this.” 

“Bet you they can’t make you feel the way I do.” “Bet’s on.” “Wait, what? That was not my intention—”

“Hm, but I think I like having you spread out like this. Such a gorgeous sight.” 

“Come and get your fix.”

“…You’re an addiction I never want to quit.” 

“I had nothing to live for, but then you came into my life. So thank you.” 

“Why’d you— why’d you do that?” “B-Because I promised you I’d do anything to keep you safe.” 

“I swear if we get caught then I’m actually going to kill you.” 

“You think I wanted this to happen?!”

“Just when I was about to give up…”

“I trusted you with my life.” “Well, I’m sorry but you’re clearly very gullible.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same as I do, then I’ll leave you alone.” 

“You know, maybe you should bet on something else the next time instead of betting on someone’s fucking feelings.” 

“You’re such a dork.” “Yeah, no wonder you’re so in love with me.”

“Does me doing all these things not account for anything?” “I never asked you to do those things for me, though, did I?”

“You nearly foiled our plan, you idiot!”

“I… I think I’m happy.” “You think? So you’re not one hundred percent certain?”

“Who’s laughing now?” “…Clearly not you. You’re crying, dear God.” 

“I’m tired of being on the sidelines.” 

“You actually came back.”

“Christ on a fucking bike, I could kiss you right now.”

“That was a bold move.”

“We’re going to be late, all because you couldn’t stop scrolling through that damn phone of yours while taking your damn sweet time to shit!” 

"What are we?" "Probably stupid."

"You could punch me in the face and I'd still want you, not gonna lie."

"They just gave you the key to my house?" "Well no.. I asked for it!"

"You can kiss me, you know?"

"Will you just stay still?" "What, why?" "I'm trying to hold your hand, you idiot!"

"Hey, you haven't come out of your room in like two days...I'm not worried or anything but the dishes are piling up and i need you to be alive so you can take care of them, so..."

Smut Prompts ☆

54. "Can you feel how much I want you?"

55. "I can never get enough of your taste."

56. "Let's try something new tonight."

57. "We don't even have to take our clothes off."

58. "I want to ruin you."

59. "Yes, please, do it!"

60. "Your tongue is truly extraordinary."

61. "I have seen you naked before."

62. "No bed needed."

63. "Sleep is overrated. I have better ideas."

64. "You know me so well. You always find the right spot."

65. "Please, don't ever stop!"

66. "Our bodies fit so well together."

67. "I could do this all day. And definitely all night."

[addictivepsychology]

Day 109

I’m really sick of my job

Every day something is wrong

It’s never just okay

Everything is never just ok

There’s always chaos and we’re to blame

They’re kids, it’s supposed to be chaotic

In the most fun way

I need alcohol

Fuck this

Fuck this job

Fuck your guys for making me feel not worth it

I want to cry so bad

On my lunch

When I go home

I just can’t

I’m going to my bosses house tomorrow though, the one I like, the one with the brains

There’s the big boss,

Then the smart one,

Then the other one

The other one doesn’t like me, she’s rude to me, and she has favorites, which obviously isn’t me anymore

I feel like she’s scared of me, nervous of me to say the least, and

I’m not sure why

Kind of

I guess I’ve always been a little intimidating to people in the workplace,

Like I go for the throat

Because I will if I have to

Especially if you’re my boss doing something you’re not supposed to,

But I haven’t been to that point yet

Yet

You know what’s annoying to,

They aren’t directly going to much bad in my direction, they’re mostly okay to me,

It’s everyone else,

Because they trust me,

But it’s kind of not fair

But I guess it is

I don’t want this position when everyone else wants it but wants to use me as the puppet for it,

I’m so much happier doing other things like babysitting and driving,

I love kids, I love making a difference,

But this, this is not love or kids or making a difference,

This is pleasing my boss ,

An adult human who can’t regulate her emotions,

Who can’t effectively communicate her wants and needs,

Who can’t delegate tasks based on an educated decision,

Oh yeah , a kid threw up today, poor girl,

And two kids got hurt, had to call all their parents,

I think I talked with 5 parents today,

Whatever, that’s the least of my worries,

That’s the easy part,

I’ve always gotten bad advice from the other boss,

The smart one gives me good, sound advice so I try to ask her.

But the other boss gets mad when I talk to the smart one saying that she’s my head person so why am I talking to other people,

I fucking hate that work is taking up this much space, but for now,

This is life

I guess I’m looking for other jobs,

Maybe I’ll float doing uber deliveries and babysitting while looking for remote work,

I’m just so sick of waking up to go to bed,

And trying to be on someone else’s eating schedule

And sleep schedule

And schedule

I’m just tired of living for other people

I want to live for myself

We talked on the phone last night and this morning

I always have fun in our conversations,

You make me laugh, and keep me entertained

As much as you keep yourself entertained

And as much as you make yourself laugh

I’m glad you read these

I have one person to talk to about literally everything

And doesn’t judge my decisions

Who’s supportive

I can’t believe you still talk to me after knowing everything

I guess you’ve shown me that I can be accepted for all parts of me

I have trouble feeling that way when bad shit happens,

I’m not worth what other people tell me, I’m worth what I value in myself

I’m always excited to talk to you again

ButI still wonder what you look like,

Would we meet In person by first look if we saw each other,

You say you can pick me out of a crowd but I don’t think you could,

I guess because of my height maybe,

Im so fucking tired,

I need to wash my hair,

I should workout,

I’ve eaten too many calories today to not workout,

Fuck,

I just want to cry, drink, and sleep,

Maybe that’s what I’ll do,

But workout first

I don’t have enough time for anything tonight

Maybe I’ll drink in the shower

This is useless

I hope their mom comes home soon

I’m babysitting twins who are in 4th grade

I love them

But parents always stay out later than what they tell me

Finally home,

Got my ice cream

Did my little short full body workout

Have to shower

I feel like I have no time

Finally showered, having a drink

Feeling so

Much

Better

Someone’s I drink to see if I have anxiety

Sometimes I become a hypochondriac and forget that shit just happens

So having a drink calms me down and reminds me that I’m fine

And that if something is really wrong with me, the alcohol would make it worse

But only one, then I need sleep

I’m exhausted

Princess

Only a few more days until our weekend!

It feels like forever since I’ve seen you

It’ll be a few weeks in between each time I see you

But that’ll make it that much sweeter

I ruin anything close anyways

I enjoy what we have

I enjoy what I have

I have to finish packing and wash my hair and get ready,

That’ll be tomorrow and Thursday

Friday will be the work party then the long drive

I’ve been talking to a lot of my friends often

And it’s so nice

To be reminded that I have girls who support me

I love them so much

I finally have some women friends

And now I might move away

It’s usually how it works out though

It’ll give me a reason to drive and stay somewhere else

Which is what I love

Right

Being anywhere else

Since I was raised in chaos

I’m excited for my personal life

My work life can fuck off

[sarcasticsra]

Excuse me a moment while I YELL INTO THE FUCKING VOID.

Vyvanse is having shortage issues now. Had to call my pharmacy because I hadn’t gotten a notification on that one and wanted to see if there was an issue. Evidently yes, the issue is that it is out of stock and they don’t know when they’ll get it again.

I hate everything about how we handle ADHD meds in this stupid fucking country. Because now I have to either hope they have it in soon or call around to the other five pharmacies in town to see if they have it, and if they do, then I have to call my doctor to get an entirely new prescription sent, and THEN I have to call my original pharmacy back to have them cancel the old prescription in their system so the new pharmacy can fill it.

Why? Because it’s a schedule 2 drug and that means they can’t just transfer the fucking prescription.

Why? Because the War on Drugs has rotted our collective societal consciousness.

Why? Because there’s not a single fucking moral panic this godforsaken country won’t embrace with open arms, I swear to god.

So naturally that means we had to put the fucking drug cops in charge of medication quotas. And as we all know: ACAB.

“There’s so many new prescriptions!!! Zomg!!! Who knows if they’re legitimate because they were prescribed via telehealth!!!”

Oh wow so this disorder that makes it extremely hard to sustain and regulate attention and thus makes it difficult to do routine things like setting up doctor’s appointments (oftentimes multiple appointments) and then remembering them and getting to them on time… that somehow got diagnosed way more when we took away some of those obstacles? Madness! Witchcraft! Sorcery!

Before I was diagnosed/medicated there were literally days where I couldn’t even get out of bed. I would be laying there, staring at the ceiling, yelling at myself in my head to get up, get up, get up, you need to go to work, get. up. goddammit… to no avail.

Vyvanse has literally given me my fucking brain back. I can look at a task and think, “hmm, I should do that,” and then I just fucking do it. Do you know how many weeks’ worth of laundry I used to have just laying around in baskets because forcing myself to put it away was literally impossible? Do you know how fucking painful it is to look at a task that you have failed to complete, over and over, a simple task, a stupid task, you should just be able to do this, why can’t you just fucking do this…

I think people who have never experienced this can’t truly understand how horrific it feels to have to fight your brain on every. single. thing. Every single task is a calculation: can I do that now, if I don’t do that now will I be able to do that later, wait I already have to do task X and once I do that there’s no way I’ll have the mental energy to force myself to do task Y too. It’s like trying to get your work done on a computer with 80% of its resources being bogged down by bloatware. Can you get some things done? Sure, probably a few. But it’s going to take you three times as long and if you’re not careful the whole system will freeze and you’ll get absolutely nothing accomplished, and oh yeah, it’ll be wildly fucking frustrating the entire goddamn time.

It just absolutely infuriates me that we’re so fucking scared of the potential for “drug abuse” that we fuck over everyone, as if drug abuse is somehow the biggest moral failing in the world. Maybe if we addressed some of the things that lead to it, there would be less of it! Maybe just criminalizing everything is stupid, counterproductive, does not help in any measurable way, and oftentimes just makes everything worse!

And not for nothing, but if not for the truly incredible insurance I am lucky to have through work, getting diagnosed would have cost me $1200. My husband and I are doing well enough that we probably could’ve managed that in a couple installments, but for a large percentage of people, that prices them right out. And I live in a very low cost of living area. I can’t imagine what it costs elsewhere. How many of those “abusing” these meds just actually fucking need them but can’t afford to get them prescribed? Because even after the initial diagnosis, my first scrip cost $230 thanks to a deductible, and then $40/month after that. $40 isn’t awful, but there are plenty of people who do not have an extra $40 per month. (And my copay is on the lower end. I’ve seen people with insurance saying they’ve had to pay $200+ every month.) And then you have to have regular meds check ups, every 2 months or so. So add another $200 for each of those without insurance.

I’m extremely fortunate that the place I work not only offers great insurance but also pays 75% of the premium so that it’s actually affordable, and all of my outpatient mental health visits are covered at 100%. But I shouldn’t fucking have to be glad I won the employer lottery. I shouldn’t have to worry that I won’t be able to get the medicine that makes me functional just because we continue to exist in a society still fucked up by Calvinism to this day.

None of us should have to an endure a fucking asinine, callous, broken system that, whenever any of the myriad problems with it are brought up, has the audacity to go, “oh, don’t blame us, blame those other people who are also suffering!”

Fuck all the way off. We made all of this shit up. None of it is immutable. We just don’t give a fuck that people are hurting, and it shows.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

If you like my writing...

I know there's a few of you our there. I can hear you scrolling.

WELL, STAHP!

The concept of a Well, There's Your Problem fanfiction has taken over my brain and I will probably be finishing it in a hyperfixated frenzy after a few more days. I am a postmodern absurdist and this is my Art! However WTYP is very niche and I am making so many in-jokes it is unreal. I am going to post this story/script here, but if you want to enjoy it, you'll need to be at least a little into this engineering disasters podcast.

I am referencing, specifically: The Kursk; The Silver Bridge Disaster; The Atmospheric Railway; The 1943 Frankford Junction Wreck; and (I think) either the Bhopal Disaster or Aberfan. Also, the Ghostbusters films (it's a crossover). I recommend you start with The Atmospheric Railway, it's not too terribly long and you'll find out if you like jokes about rat smoothies before you get into the darker stuff. I gave Ms. Caldwell-Kelly a chance to choose the forms of engineering disaster Gozer the Gozerian would take, but she didn't get back to me. Either I got lost in a torrent of asks or she thinks I'm nuts and fears me. She is not wrong, but I didn't have the patience to wait.

There are all of three fics of WTYP at AO3 and I don't think any of them are quite this... epic. Unhinged, yes, maybe, but not like this. I'll be lucky number four! But I'll post it to Tumblr too, so I can render the slides for ya. Here is a preliminary excerpt:

A (Alice, she still seems to be going by that in podcast land): Right. Right. So, I have a question for you, gentlemen: who, or what, was Ivo Shandor? L (Liam): Sounds like a billionaire. A: And he looks like a nonce! R (Rocz): An early 20th century architect. A: You’re both right, and so am I. He was also a quack doctor, a selenium mining magnate, a cult leader, and the last person ever documented to be ripped in half by an ancient Sumerian deity — after he resurrected himself in Summerville, Oklahoma, in 2021. L: Boss. R: I’ve been to Summerville. They have that temple he built at the bottom of a mine… Well, I mean, they did. Right up until he resurrected himself. You gotta watch out for that, with selenium. We used to use it in our electronics, but silicon’s better for that, and much less haunted. L: That explains the internet. R: I mean, we’re not using it for the internet. Mainly in glassmaking, and surge protectors. It’s all right in trace amounts, but you get enough selenium in one place and the ghosts start crawling out of the damn walls. You gotta put up at least a double-thick cold iron insulator, or some carbonated steel. Fucking expensive. Not worth it, unless you’re a big fan of the paranormal. A: Just so. In fact, next slide, please… [Slide: A collage of various art deco buildings.] A: …the paranormal activity associated with Shandor’s designs was so well-documented that by the mid 1950s, everyone who wanted to live or work in one of his buildings was required to sign a waiver, before even looking at them. I’ve looked everywhere for one of these waivers, but it seems like the mere association caused them to become hazardous as well. If anyone out there should happen to find one, for God’s sakes, email it to me, and then speak to your nearest mental health professional immediately. L: Take a Zoloft, you’ll be fine. R: Just walk it off. A: According to what I could find, the standard language indemnified the buildings’ owners against any and all instances of madness, brain damage, murder, suicide… You might have to bleep that, Devon… D [text over slide]: NO. FUCK IT. NOT AFTER THE DAY I’VE HAD. A:… mutilation, speaking in tongues, and — specifically! — “cranial liberation of the pineal gland!” [laughing] Whatever the hell that means! L [cackling]: What? R [deadpan]: Nah, I wouldn’t sign that. A: Well, I would, because these buildings fuck! I mean, look at those façades! R: I like these little gargoyles right here. [outlining a pair of gargoyles in red, paying special attention to the horns] With the horns. Technically these things are called grotesques, ‘cause they don’t have a drain pipe, but people just call ‘em gargoyles. That’s where we get the verb “to gargle” too. Not a typical feature of art deco design, but Shandor sure did like ‘em. They’re not really sure whether he had a sense of humor or if he was just nuts. L: Both, I like both. R: Could be both, yeah. A: Well, according to eyewitness testimony… R: Not very reliable. [giving each gargoyle a smiling face, with dots for eyes] A: …those stone statues came to life during the 1984 New York Incident — next slide, please!  [Slide: The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, with a caption saying Artist’s Depiction.] A: …and summoned a 100-foot tall marshmallow man who attempted to end all life on Earth as we know it. [crazed laughter, pandemonium] R: Yeah, I don’t know if I buy that. L: Sounds like another Macy’s Thanksgiving balloon snapped its tethers with murder in its heart. R: Yeah, those balloons are famously angry. Ever since they started using helium, it’s like they got minds of their own. All things considered, helium may also be haunted. A: Rows nine through eighteen of the Periodic Table are all fucking haunted. L: A Macy’s Thanksgiving balloon has black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. R: Yeah, I heard Snoopy ate a whole shipload of sailors during World War II. …Says here Sonic the Hedgehog injured a police officer in 1993, that really happened… L: Yes! Sonic says ACAB!

...Please, if you have never encountered WTYP, I promise you, I have not gone mad, that is eerily close to how it really is, and I am thrilled with it. I've written myself into a bit of a corner concerning Ms. Caldwell-Kelly's levitation powers and lasers vs. a possessed train, in that I cannot allow her to destroy the pocket dimension entirely or it will kill all of them, but if I can get over that little hurdle I should be finished soon.

...Okay, I know how that sounds, but look, if you're following because I curate a fun stream of content, I assure you, that is not what I am about. I do not quite have a strategy for fighting the algorithm yet, but it is my intention to share more things in progress so you at least know what I do. I know I SHOULD be getting Erik and Maggie together at the hotel, but I am not in full control of my intellect and I can only do so much with it.

I'll share a bit of Soldier On with only mild spoilers later, too, if that's okay. I'll try to put up at least a piece of something I've made or am making once a day. It's not perfect, but maybe if I send up a few flares someone will notice I'm sinking and send eyeballs. Thank you for your time and patience!

[javierpena-inatacvest]

500 Followers Celebration!!

You guys... I got back from work and hit 500 followers today??? UH WHAT??? Okay, because I am having writer's block and in honor of hitting 500 followers, I thought it would be fun to do some requests for some one-shots/drabbles from these fun prompts for our one and only Javier Peña (or Frankie Morales maybe bc I've been on a Frankie kick lately and am trying to branch out???) Send me a prompt number and let's have some fun hehehehe

Thank you guys SO much for the love and support, giving each and every one of you a big ole' kiss on the forehead, ILYYYYYY 🥹💖

“I was never a morning person, but then I started waking up to your face and you know… Maybe mornings aren’t that bad, after all.” 

“Why are you mad?” “I’m not mad, I just think you can choose better people to kiss.” 

“I fucking hate you.” “No you don’t. Take that back right now.” 

“You know I’d do anything to have you stay by my side, right? Anything.”  

“Oh, fuck. Do that again.” 

“You look stupid as all hell right now.”

“I want to believe you, but I don’t know if I can.” 

“You’ve given me so many reasons to walk away.” “Then why don’t you walk away? It’s not like I’m keeping you hostage here.” “You still don’t get it, do you? It’s because I love you.” 

“…Damn it all to hell, if I don’t get to have you tonight then I’m never going to be able to have you.” 

“Let me call you mine, just for tonight.”

“I think you and I make an amazingly stupid pair.” “I know! Our two brain cells combined together make for quality entertainment and a unique kind of stupidity.” 

“I’m going to have so much fun with you.”

“Oh God, yes, right there— oh my God, just like that, please don’t stop.” “…Can you stop that? You’re making it sound like we’re in a porno and now I’m highly uncomfortable.” 

“Bet you they don’t make you sound like that, do they?” 

“Fuck, you’re such a wreck, and because of me, too.” 

“Can you stop moaning? I’m trying to help you relax but you’re making it hard for me to concentrate.” “Sorry, your hands just work a little too good.” “I’m going to pay for a masseuse next time if you keep doing this.” 

“You are driving me insane and I’m this close to losing my shit because of you.”

“Is hating me your only personality trait?”

“Never scare me like that again!” 

“Oh, don’t worry. I have every plan to make you submit to me.”

“I’m not even gonna lie, I’m just so fucking obsessed with you.” 

“That could be us.” “That is us.”

“Was it worth it?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you— slow down, you’ll get what you want soon enough.”

“I want you to remember every single second of this.” 

“Bet you they can’t make you feel the way I do.” “Bet’s on.” “Wait, what? That was not my intention—”

“Hm, but I think I like having you spread out like this. Such a gorgeous sight.” 

“Come and get your fix.”

“…You’re an addiction I never want to quit.” 

“I had nothing to live for, but then you came into my life. So thank you.” 

“Why’d you— why’d you do that?” “B-Because I promised you I’d do anything to keep you safe.” 

“I swear if we get caught then I’m actually going to kill you.” 

“You think I wanted this to happen?!”

“Just when I was about to give up…”

“I trusted you with my life.” “Well, I’m sorry but you’re clearly very gullible.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same as I do, then I’ll leave you alone.” 

“You know, maybe you should bet on something else the next time instead of betting on someone’s fucking feelings.” 

“You’re such a dork.” “Yeah, no wonder you’re so in love with me.”

“Does me doing all these things not account for anything?” “I never asked you to do those things for me, though, did I?”

“You nearly foiled our plan, you idiot!”

“I… I think I’m happy.” “You think? So you’re not one hundred percent certain?”

“Who’s laughing now?” “…Clearly not you. You’re crying, dear God.” 

“I’m tired of being on the sidelines.” 

“You actually came back.”

“Christ on a fucking bike, I could kiss you right now.”

“That was a bold move.”

“We’re going to be late, all because you couldn’t stop scrolling through that damn phone of yours while taking your damn sweet time to shit!” 

“Kinda sucks that I can only have you like this.” 

“I fell in love, so hard, and so fast, but a part of me knew it wasn’t going to last.” 

“Your heart’s always on your sleeve.” “Only around you, because you’re the only one who knows me so well. Too well, in fact.”

[lennjamin-o7]

🌯🗡️ back just to quickly say with the “I think you might need to be wary of the "accidentally" in that sentence.”

Phil: (maybe) deliberately delays the trip so that when techno comes to the manor, his parents might be mad at him and present an opportunity for him to drive a wedge between them so he can get more trust / use it as a “well they were dicks so really I’m saving you” excuse before adopting tech

Phil: “This will work out perfectly and techno probably won’t even realise what I’ve done until too late!”

Techno: gets scratched on the cheek pretty badly, gets his hair shaved off and then gets locked in his room ignored and alone just to top it all off.

Phil: 👁️👁️

Phil: “I may have miscalculated just a tiny bit. Slightly bigger wedge than I was expecting but I’m used to improvising at this point”

The real magic behind this royal family is the way they’re constantly able to fuck up literally ANY plan Phil has with them. Purely just a “oh you think you’re bad?? Watch this!” And then they just accidentally neglect their son.

The royal family: “We have 2 perfect children. It’s not really our fault when we compare the normal one to them and punish him harshly because if it!”

Phil: “You’ve fucked up a perfectly good sonboy is what you did! Look at him. Now he has self worth issues ON TOP of anxiety!”

That and just:

Phil, finally coming face to face to renegotiate the deal: “You’re not leaving until I get my son.”

The royals: “Don’t you mean daughter??”

Phil: “I know what I said”

Or:

The king and queen: “We want nothing more than to have our children happy and safe which is why we’re going to the queen of fae to negate this deal”

Techno: Would genuinely intimately be happier and safer if he was adopted by Phil and Kristin. He gets to experience everything they deprived him of ON TOP of becoming immortal and having 2 of the most powerful fae in existence willing to go to battle for him in a HEARTBEAT

The king and queen: “No not like that-“

As well as:

The king and queen: “Wow we’re such good parents!”

Phil: Provides a better parenting experience in a single evening than they did in their entire lives of having 3 children

Phil: Steals the one child they never truly appreciated and gives him the best life POSSIBLE to make up for all that he missed and went through

Phil: “And I’d do it again BITCH”

I genuinely just adore the thought of Phil having just CONSTANT beef with them, like it’s not even about the deal anymore he’s just mad at them over their parenting skills. Just doing ANYTHING he can to fuckin upstage them, bro has beef with them down to the BONE with how mad he is.

Phil: Deliberately has Kristin make winter colder just so the king and queen like have problems heating the castle and their kingdom struggles

The king and queen: “Damn it’s fuckin way too cold this year”

Phil: “And that’s what you deserve! I fuckin PRAY you freeze”

Techno: Shivers slightly

Phil: “Oh my baby, my poor sonboy. Do you want some enchanted blankets to keep you warm? What about some Totally Not Magical stew to make you extra toasty?? Maybe even a heating enchantment on that earring???”

Bro will forever be their BIGGEST hater. He wakes up every day and tries spread as many bad vibes onto them as possible. He literally worked out a way to magically make sure both sides of their pillows would be warm. That’s the level of hating he’s been on.

Or that meme with I receive vs you receive:

Phil: “Here’s the deal, I receive a perfect sonboy who I can dote on and adore with my wonderful wife for the rest of forever”

Phil: “You receive me not obliterating your entire bloodline and taking the kid anyway”

The king and queen: “I can’t help but feel this real might be a little bit uneven”

Techno: “Do I get a say in this like at all??”

Phil: “No ❤️”

That 1 sentence just spurred on so much brainrot for me I couldn’t help but share! My brain created like 50 different pathways just to brainrot and come up with more scenarios. I’m like going back and checking for spelling mistakes and I’m literally only just realising now how much I’ve written lmao

As always, have a nice day and I’m sorry if I’ve overwhelmed!

Phil. Maybe not the King of the Fae, but certainly the King of Improv. He is an opportunist. They opportuniest of opportunists. He is 'Yes, and?'ing this adoption.

Techno is just a little guy. A little guy with a big heart. He needs some attention. Some love. That shouldn't be too much to ask. And yet-

And Yet-

Enchanted blankets, you say?

But Yeah, Philza is not happy about the state of the sonboy. He should have been better taken care of. Don't worry. :) He's got this covered :)

Bro, sorry it took me so long to respond. But I adore every SYLLABLE of all of your brainrots. Literally. Never apologize. I am so glad you sent them. <3 <3 <3 <3

[hiddenwashington]

NEVERAFTER ( starters from episodes 1-5 )

trigger warnings: spider mentions, death mentions

"you think i can't sew a dress for a ball?"

“it takes a great deal of strength to hold onto whatever little we might have.”

“it would be wild to have a fan but yeah i can do an autograph or something.”

“is he turned on? is this a sexual thing?”

“i bravely fled when things got dodgy.”

“my guy, i barely know you.”

“our whole thing is over!”

“please tell me how you’re a monster, too, so that i don’t feel so alone”

“i can’t trust the authority figure!”

“you seem like right on the edge, you know?”

��we could need to scrap hard.”

“this is my first good day in a while.”

“when i am handsome again no one is going to be laughing.”

“it’ll drive you mad if you think about it.”

“maybe you’re brave and we need to work on your self worth”

“we can stray! we just have to stray together!”

“do i feel like i can finger the doorknob?”

“in your mind you’re like ‘uh-oh what if i’m a liability?’ and then you’re looking for proof and it’s exhausting to keep batting that out of your hands every second.”

“an evil stepmom would scoop you right up.”

“if anyone wants to spelunk this well i could definitely get into that.”

“you can all get ready to pop the fuck off at the same time, if you want”

“wow, we’re in hell”

“even curses are gifts in their own right.”

“you’re saying it in that tone that’s like ‘you idiot’, which is scaring me a little bit, but i think i’m going to do it.”

“a bunch of cowards, and the bravest little girl in the world”

“that’s the guts, baby!”

“this is not the time for process! we’ll process afterwards!”

“tell my wife i did cool stuff, so that she loves me again”

“be brave.”

“with your fine boots, don’t you want to be a man!?”

“who disturbed my mushroom!”

“ooo, i got your back girlie”

“i think this was the only way the story was going to end anyways…”

“i need a spicy margarita!”

“how many times can you do this? there’s got to be a limit, right?”

“turn around and face me.”

“who am i to disrespect an authority figure?”

“hey, don’t be, okay? fix it.”

“i don’t have to worry about it? i’m really worried about this!”

"you gonna kill me again? ‘cause if you’re going to kill me again, i’ll leave right now. ya know, i don’t like to die.”

“you bugs, you better skedaddle.”

“what the fuck do i need to do?!”

“with that attitude it might just stay different”

“and all it costs was my father’s blood! yay...?”

“oh, okay! i think i get it. what do you mean?”

“it seems fun, and it seems correct to just fuck it all up”

“well, yeah! cause laying downs the best”

“you guys think i don’t know how to trick people? what’s over there?”

“i’m not a hero! i’m a piece of shit!”

“not all shit’s the same, buddy!”

“many of the places that are meant to keep us safe are cages”

“we know that we can die, and that after dying, those memories can be remembered by other versions of ourselves.”

“is true love even real?”

“because you were lied to, does not mean everything is a lie.”

“do not take the crimes of those who have manipulated us, and put them at the feet of the world.”

“oh, fffff- freak, really?”

“i’m sorry i said freak at you.”

“i wouldn’t have even known to be offended by that.”

“i think the true cruelty would be for me to spare some and not others.”

“we’re pulling a grandma heist, okay? give me your hand and we’re just going to run.”

“really? you’re just going to parrot back at me what my mom said?”

“there is no way to have the joy of the oatmeal cookie, without walking through the woods full of wolves.”

“but when you’re gone, i don’t really know what i’m supposed to be fighting for.”

“the real friends, the ones that make miracles happen, the ones greater than any treasure you could find on any adventure, they see the wolf in you and love it too.”

“you’re my princess... but we are still broke, so.”

“the goose ices you.”

“one man’s dead is another man’s alive.”

“oh that man is bleeding he probably needs my help and or seduction.”

“someone as flirty as you doesn’t have pet names?”

“saying that your handsome isn’t flirting okay? that’s just stating facts.”

“i have to kiss my husband really quick and then we can go on a long adventure.”

“moms are complicated, okay?”

“i’m not trying to be reductive about moms.”

“how much to eat off of you?”

“pretty much ginger ale with a lethal amount of garnishes”

“i say ‘garnish me daddy’“

“loves not real.”

“spiders love spheres.”

‘if you wanna go fast go alone but if you wanna go far go together.”

“if you wanna succeed, go alone. if you wanna fail together and as a team, go together.”

“have an apple i’m not going home.”

“this is all temporary, we’re gonna get there.”

“do you want one of these rotten apples? it’s kinda like a water balloon.”

“we’re team ‘fuck around and find out’”

“i need help, certainly. and just know i will yell if i get caught. just know it’s everyone’s problem.”

[fierceawakening]

Thank you.

There are a lot of things I think we’re pretzeling ourselves into not talking about because we’ve… mm. To me it seems like we’re ceding too much ground to TERFs. It’s like, “oh, you’re right, if I ever HAD experienced male socialization I’d be an irredeemable demon. So clearly I must never have experienced it, as I am not a demon!”

Instead of, like, “yeah, the people who raised me assumed I was a boy, which meant they had certain expectations of me. Sometimes I could tell they didn’t apply, because dammit I’m a girl why is this so tough to get through your thick skulls oh my god, but sometimes I just didn’t know enough to really notice that’s not how girls are told to act. So my socialization affected me. But if you assume you know exactly how I think or am going to act you’re full of shit. If you’re going to blame something you dislike about me on my socialization and not even ask me how *I* think it did or didn’t affect me, you’re mean and dumb and not worth my time. Bye now.”

And similarly, I think there’s a reverse thing going on, where since some transfem people have decided Socialization Can’t Be Real Otherwise TERFs Would Be Right About Me, any time those people see transmascs saying “oh there is no fucking way I haven’t been affected by misogyny, I look like a girl and live in a patriarchy. Come on now,” they take this as a confession we know deep down we’re really women, or we secretly want to be looked at one way or the other based on what’s advantageous.

When… maybe someone does that on occasion? I’m not sure I’d be too mad at them given how transphobic society is. Get that thing you need bro!

But I don’t think that’s usually what we mean. I think what we’re usually saying is “in many ways I didn’t internalize being socialized as a girl. But in some ways I did! It’s impossible not to when society is bombarding us all constantly with gendered expectations. It’s Complicated, and TERFs and other mean people *do not and should not* get to use that as proof of their disgusting bigotries.”

One evening, I was at the LGBTQIA center for a trans committee and I was the only trans man in attendance. One trans woman told me she never understood how I could want to be a "disgusting man".

Later that evening, she told me she'd love to swap bodies with me (I was pre T, pre op and didn't bind). I told her I didn't understand why she'd want to have the body of a "disgusting man".

She called me transmisogynistic.

Oh, the irony.

[metize]

Behave.

Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Yagami Light/Reader Additional Tags: Reader-Insert, Praise Kink, Yagami Light is Kira, L is reader's brother, but no one's supposed to know, Possessive Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, Blackmail, Coercion, Sexual Coercion, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, 'good girl's, AFAB reader - Freeform, Misogyny, Workplace Sex, Desk Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Vaginal Sex, this is filthy, I'm so sorry, Manipulation, Top Yagami Light, Jealousy

A/N: Filth! Absolute dirt! I'm the Trash Man! I come out, I throw trash all over AO3, and then I start eating garbage! Enjoy.

"You seem to get along very well with L."

You could practically feel your heart stop when Light said that. You felt so stupid, of course, this guy would figure it out. You tried your best to look unfazed while you panicked on the inside. The black-haired detective and you were trying to keep it a secret from the task force that you were siblings. You cursed Ryuzaki internally, he had been acting kind of protective towards you and it was bound to raise suspicion.

“You think so? I’ve just been trying to be on good terms with everyone.” You deflected.

The investigation room was empty save for the two of you, there was a single monitor showing the news broadcast reporting on the most recent Kira murder. You focused back on the files you were sorting through. Your older brother never cared much for organizing and that drove you mad. You glanced in Light’s direction again, he was staring at you, his gaze sent shivers down your spine, you just forced an awkward smile.

"Did you let him fuck you yet?" He deadpanned.

"W-What the fuck? Of course not!" You answered abruptly. You were offended that Light would even ask something like that. The crude way he said it too, made you blush in embarrassment. You found it weird he'd say something like that, usually Light was nothing short of a gentleman when addressing you.

"Don't get coy all of a sudden. Just admit you two are fucking already." He sounded annoyed now. He got up and got closer to your desk, his eyes never leaving yours. You sometimes felt intimidated in his presence, now in the middle of the night, alone with him towering over you, this feeling increased tenfold.

"T-that's disgusting! Why are you even saying that? We're just… we're just friends, coworkers who get along, whatever!" You started to crack under the pressure.

Light brows furrowed for a second and then his eyes widened in revelation. A grin formed on his face and he burst into laughter like he had finally gotten the punchline to a joke. His laughter was scary, loud and almost maniacal.  You didn't know how to react exactly so you looked at him nervously and confused.

Did he believe you? Did he find the misunderstanding funny? Was that it? You hoped that was it. You offered a weak smile as his laughter died down.

"I was so caught up in this… obsession… this feeling of jealousy… ah. It was obvious all along. You're siblings. Siblings!" He shook his head smiling "This is pathetic. You're becoming such a nuisance with your distraction."

He figured it out, of course it had only been a matter of time. But that realization took way too long for his liking. He was blinded by the rage of the idea of L having you and he didn't stop to consider any other possibilities.

"Excuse me? I didn't-" You got up and started to retort his rude comment.

"Shut the fuck up." And you did so out of shock. Light wasn't like this normally, he was relatively courteous and nice. Why was he so… brutish all of a sudden? He smiled at your obedience. "Good girl."

The praise felt so dirty, you frowned at him. Being infantilized was something you were used to dealing with in the workplace, being surrounded by older men. But Light was pretty much your age, what was he thinking?

You didn't have time to wonder because the man grabbed your collar and pulled you into a kiss.

You tried to push him away instinctively and ask what the fuck he was doing, but Light grabbed your wrists. He held them so tightly it almost marked your skin. Your lips were still closed so he bit them to make you part them. He kissed you aggressively as if he was punishing you for something. his tongue entered your mouth deepening the kiss and claiming your mouth for himself.

He tasted like coffee and sin.

"God, and I thought fucking L's girlfriend was a good idea, this is way better." He sounded extremely amused. "I wonder how is he going to react when he finds out I fucked his pretty little sister?"

Ryuzaki had always had a bad feeling about Light, he mentioned you should be careful around him, you knew all that and here you were. You thought he was being overprotective, to be fair Light wasn't the first guy L had a bad feeling about.

Light's hand was now caressing your hair, smiling content with your current predicament and very proud of himself.

"We… w-we can't." You tried to come up with an excuse. "We work together, so it would be-"

"I am Kira."

You heart stopped when you heard those words. Everything started connections in your head, every lead, every tip, every death. You still had many questions, some things didn't make sense, but as you stood there looking at that man's face it was clear that he wasn't joking.

"W-why are you… telling me this?" You tried to back away slowly. You could hear your heartbeat drumming in your ears.

"Because I feel like keeping you to myself." He smiled sinisterly, every step back you took he stepped forward to approach you again "I was contemplating killing you after pounding your cunt, but I told myself I deserved a little treat."

Hearing him talking about murdering you in cold blood activated your flight instinct immediately. You turned away and rushed towards the door, but as soon as you tried to twist the doorknob and open the door, it was locked. You twisted the knob again and again, desperately trying to unlock it with sheer willpower.

“Stop that, you’re smarter than this.” You heard his voice right against your ear, his hands now grabbing your waist and caressing you through the fabric of your blouse. “There’s only one way you leave this room” he placed a kiss on your neck and you shivered despite yourself “with my cum leaking down your thighs” he grabbed your throat suddenly “and invisibly leashed to me, like a good little pet.”

You were shaking, incredibly aware of Light's bulge pressing against your ass, one hand toying with the hem of your shirt and the other still holding your neck possessively.

"Are we clear, pet?"

You felt his grip tighten a bit so you just quickly nodded your head. It showed to be the wrong answer, because you were punished with a sharp swat to your ass.

"Use your damn words, there's a reason I chose not to gag you." He grabbed your face, forcing you to make eye contact with him. "Say 'Yes, master'."

He was a sick fuck. You wanted to scream at him and call him exactly that. You wanted to push him away and go home already. But god damn it, you wanted to survive this.

"Yes… m-master."

He smiled at your obedience and his grin made you sick to your stomach. He placed a kiss on your temple and pat your hair gently.

"There you go, good girl. That wasn't so hard, was it?" He turned you around quickly and pushed your back against the door. His mouth was on yours again, his hands slipped under your shirt and you shivered feeling his cold touch on your skin. The fabric was restraining his hands so he grew frustrated and started to undress you at once.

"Y-you don't… have to do this, Light. I promise I won't tell anyone, just let me go and-"

"Don't waste your breath. You'll need it when I get to choke you properly…" he answered simply, amused by your perseverance, all the while looking forward to breaking it. "I want to fuck you, so I'm going to do it. I have the whole world in my hands and it's not a little pet that's going to deny me what I want. Understood?"

He tossed your shirt on the floor and started pulling your pencil skirt up. He glared at you for not answering and you promptly spoke up.

"Understood."

He smirked. You felt his fingers trace your slit over your panties, you shuddered and instinctively tried to move away.

"Don't fucking move." His other hand grabbed your waist holding you in place. His tone was harsh and you were so fucking scared.

"Sorry"

"I'm sure you are… Good girl, at least you have manners." He chuckled at that. "Not that your decency matters, look how wet you are for your master…"

He stroked the wet fabric to emphasize his point and you tried to hold back a moan, but it was useless. It felt good, of course it felt good. Light was a hot guy, he obviously knew his way around someone's body and you were only human. His lips captured yours again and he kept playing with your clothed sex as you made out. You could swear you were going insane, the pleasure of his hands on you was intoxicating and his mouth on yours had you gasping for air.

"Get on your knees. Now."

You needed to survive this, you needed to be useful to him. The way he ordered you around did excite you but you needed to stay focused. You were not supposed to feel good, you were supposed to find a way out of this situation.

For now that meant kneeling before Light as he pulled out his cock for you.

You gulped as you eyed him, of course Light Yagami had a big dick, you had to have suspected it. But now you had to give him head and you knew very well he wasn't going to go easy on you. He saw your hesitation and scoffed in amusement.

"Go ahead pet, you want to prove to me you're worth keeping around don't you?" He smiled devilishly at you.

"Yes, master." You murmured and licked your lips. You could do this. And, in a weird way, you kind of wanted to do this, you wanted him to praise you more, to call you a good girl again… you repressed the thought. This is disgusting, Light is disgusting and a murderer. You were strong you won’t fall for his games.

You grabbed his cock by its base and started to gently suck the tip. You looked up at him before taking the whole shaft into your mouth. You sucked him off to the best of your, limited, abilities, trying to get him deeper with each bob of your head. Maybe if he came in your mouth he wouldn’t touch you further, maybe he’d let you go.

Your hopeful thoughts are interrupted by the man’s hand grabbing your hair forcefully, you looked at him and he was grinning like the maniac he was.

“Sit still, let me use your throat a little bit.” His voice was unshaken. You felt a bit annoyed he didn’t seem phased by your efforts. You didn’t have time to dwindle on that feeling because Light was grabbing your face and fucking your mouth as soon as he finished his phrase.

His pace was unrelenting and you felt your spit dribbling down your chin, you tried to breathe in small intervals and you could see him laugh at your predicament. You felt rage but he slowed down his thrusts and started petting your head. Like a kid. Like a pet.

“That’s a good girl, such an obedient little pet…” he breathed and pulled out “Bend over your desk for me.”

Fuck. You were out of breath, you could only nod and do as he said. You didn’t even think of disobeying his order, he praised you again, you were doing a good job… You got up and rested your torso on the desk. He was going to fuck you. Light was Kira and he was blackmailing you into submission. This was an absolute nightmare. So why the fuck were you so turned on?

“You know where you belong, don’t you, pet?” You felt his presence behind you and he pulled down your panties. “Not above anyone, not next to your brother… Not even by my side.” He pulled your hair and you yelped despite yourself “You belong under me.”

He entered you forcefully and you couldn’t help but moan loudly at the intrusion, he didn’t prepare you with his fingers, he didn’t touch you properly at all, it hurt and he knew. But he didn’t give a fuck.

“You should be grateful to your master, whore.” His hand reached around your neck his grip making you gasp. “Tell me you can be obedient.”

“I can!” You cried and you felt his other hand reach between your legs to press your sensitive bud.

“You think you can be useful? Do you think you deserve to live to serve your master?” His thrusts were getting harsher and he groaned “Do you?!”

“Yes, master, please, master!” You begged. To cum, to live, anything. Light held your life in his hands and you were so scared, but so turned on.

“You better....” He grunted and kept on rubbing your clit “I fucking own you. I’m going to cum inside you, going to make you my breeding bitch.”

Oh no. That wasn’t good. That was a bad idea.

“N-no… please not inside” You heard him laugh at your resistance.

“Then tell me… tell me his name.” His name? Fuck. Ryuzaki.

You couldn’t tell him his name. Was he going to kill you if you didn’t? You couldn’t do it. You sobbed and grasped his arm in fear.

“No, I can’t, I can’t!” You cried out shaking your head. The pleasure was overwhelming and you came on his fingers screaming. “I can’t! Ah!”

You saw stars, Light never stopped pounding you as he laughed maniacally at your desperation.

“Know your fucking place… useless cunt.... Fuck-” His laughter died down and he pulled you closer as he came inside you.

You felt his spent dripping down your pussy, you trembled both from the orgasm and from fear of what came next. Light pulled out and turned you around, smiling amused at your scared face.

“Don’t worry, pet, of course I wasn’t counting on a dumb slut like you telling me this information…” He pat your head and you stood there with tears rolling down your face “You’re beneath me, I don’t need you, I don’t need your help. I’ll find out eventually.” He chuckled and wiped away your tears “But I do know your name. So you better behave.” He kissed your forehead. “Won’t you, pet?”

[viewmasterfeeling]

Dear Will,

I’m writing this out because I can’t just let it sit in my head. I’ll probably burn this. I need to tell you so much but I’ll never be able to. Because I’m just a mess right now, and I’m honestly terrified.

You’re so fucking important to me. I was always so scared that I would lose you, and now that you’re not in Hawkins anymore, I realize that I was right. It’s horrible without you here. I can’t take it, honestly. All of us are trying to pretend that things are normal, but it’s not. It’s like we all have different ideas of what normal are and we’re trying to stick to them, but none of us are right. Max is so quiet lately. I honestly miss arguing with her. Dustin still plays D&D and kinda keeps the group together, but he’s not the same. And it seems like Lucas is trying to just move on. It pisses me off when I see him with his new basketball friends, but I’m not mad at him. I just hate everything all of it.

And then there’s me… I guess I thought joining the Hellfire Club would help, but playing D&D without you and Lucas isn’t the same. I still remember the campaign we were playing when you got this all started. And I remember before then, of course. Back then, the game was fun, and we didn’t have to apply it to real monsters. The only reason I still play, to be honest, is because it feels like all I have.

I’m not sending this letter so I guess you can’t respond, but how have you and El been? I worry about you. I worry that you’ll be okay, of course, but I also worry that you’ll move on from me. Maybe that makes me selfish. I don’t know. You two were the only ones who got me. I still think about you all the time. Are you the same, or have you forgotten about me? I know it wouldn’t change anything, but I still wonder.

Now that you’re gone, I’ve been trying so hard to figure out how I feel. I had a crush on El, but I don’t know if I still do. And I don’t know how to describe how I feel about you. 

I guess I could try.

You’ve always stuck out to me. I know what’s important to me, and you’ve always been one of them. I still remember the first day we met. I remember a lot about you, too. I kind of memorized you. You’ve always been someone who made my life worth living. So are El and Lucas and Dustin and Max, but I was never so terrified of losing them as I was of you. When you were missing and when you were dead, I couldn’t handle it. It was like the world was shaking, in a way. It’s like you’re such a crucial part of my existence that without you I’m nobody. And it’s funny because I used to never have to think about that. But so much has changed. I kind of clung onto El, and I thought I was in love with her. But lately I’ve been sorta realizing that I think I have it all backwards. I love her, but losing you hurt more. It always has. What a fucked up way to think about it, right?

I don’t know. You make me so happy. You’re like the sun, because you’re so bright and just incredible, but you’re also a familiar comfort. Home. I know that’s cheesy, but it’s true.

I’m so scared. I love you but I hate hating myself because I shouldn’t love you this way. I have so many feelings and I wish I could tell you. I know you would hate me and I would just lose you again. I feel disgusting. I wish it made sense. I wish I didn’t I wish we were still kids. Like I said, I’m a mess.

You’ll never read this, but thanks for reading, anyway.

Love, Mike