#you would not BELIEVE how long this was in my drafts holy shit

[timaeusterrored]

(Sick Again)

There were things Kerry never wanted to hear or see again. Things that made his heart race and his skin crawl with anxiety, that made him feel like his world was falling around him.

On that list was something he was listening too now, V coughing.

His body froze, blood going cold as he listened. For a split second, he didn’t know what to do or think. He thought this was over, that V was better. Vik said the coughing thing was over, that V was getting better.

Kerry heard V groan from upstairs and hauled it to the bathroom, his heart racing. Then it sank into his stomach.

Vax was hunched over the sink, blood dripping from his mouth as he coughed. His knuckles white as he held himself up, spitting another glob into the sink. He was pale, sweat shining on his forehead, his legs seconds away from giving out.

In that moment, they were three years in the past. Vax barely clinging on to life, trying to find a cure while seeking comfort and love from Kerry. Trying to hide himself in the bathroom in the mornings, trying to ease Kerry’s anxiety with smiles and kisses that tasted like Johnny’s cigarettes and copper.

V gagged into the sink, his knees buckled. Kerry didn’t think twice and grabbed him. The coughs wracked through Vax’s body, violent and sending Kerry back three years.

He had to drag Vax to the toilet, where he promptly threw up. Kerry rubbed his back, reminding him to try and breathe. V looked so fragile and pale, panting once he was done.

Kerry sat in silence, his blood ran cold. He found himself praying to whoever that would listen to not take V from him, not again. He couldn’t lose him again.

Vax leaned back against his chest, taking deep breaths. He looked exhausted, like he had been going at this for a while. Kerry didn’t even want to look in the sink at that point, he didn’t want to know, but at the same time he did. He needed to know, and then go and choke out whatever Arasaka doctor that ‘cured’ V if he was doing this three years later. Kerry still had some burning rage in him from that, he could make some Arasaka assholes wish they had never even met V.

“We need to call Vik-“

“No we don’t.” Vax didn’t even let him finish, holding Kerry’s hand against his heart. “We don’t need to call anyone, I’m fine.”

Kerry loved his husband. Vax was his soulmate and his whole world… but goddamnit he’d love nothing more than to knock some sense into him once in a while. He was so scared of freaking people out again he had begun to just suffer in silence.

It made Kerry question how long this had actually been going on…

“We need to call someone.”

“No.”

“Vax. Either I call Vik or I call Judy. And Judy can call Vik. But he’s being called regardless of how I get you to agree.” Bringing Judy into arguments was a bad move, but Vax couldn’t verbally fight them both so this was his best option.

Before Vax could answer, he launched up into the toilet, gripping the sides. His body shook, coughing and gagging. Kerry had to look away, but rubbed his back and talked him through it before he could rest again.

When Vax fell asleep in the bathroom floor after Kerry got him water and a cold rag, the rocker called Vik. What? Did you expect him not too? Hell no, he had to call someone.

Vik was there by the time V woke up, the Fixer livid once he realized who was in his house. Stated he was fine, that there was no reason to call Vik, no reason for alarm. But neither father or husband was having any of it.

Vax was sick, he always would be. Not even the greatest doctors could ever truly fix what the relic did to him, both mentally and physically. His body was worn, in desperate need for rest that V wasn’t giving it. And Kerry knew it would only get worse before it got better.

[wolfythewitch]

What is your writing process like? How long does it take you to write something? How many drafts do you go through, if you do drafts at all? Also, how the fuck do you write like that - because holy shit your writing is beautiful. Do those banger sentences just come to you naturally or do you have to think real hard to come up with them? What inspired your writing style and do you have any tips for writing?

Sorry if this was a bit long, I just really love your writing hahaha

Hmm I don't really write that often haha, so I wrote when I suddenly get the urge to write something (usually this happens at like. 3am. Which is. Unfortunate.)

I don't really do drafts, I kinda just word vomit onto a doc and maybe go back and fix some grammatical errors. I usually try to put myself in a scene while writing so the sentences do come somewhat naturally, but if it feels too weird I'll just erase it haha. I also try to make my sentences more simple recently, like descriptions that cut short and quick, if that makes sense? I've been inspired by a lot of books I read when I was younger I think, and also fics I've read! And would you believe me when I say my writing style was heavily inspired by the bible

Thank you for liking my writing :DD I don't do it as much since I'm not too confident in it, but I'm glad you enjoy it!

[scarletwinterxx]

let me take you to the place of your dreams - Jeno imagine

hiiiii honestly this had been on my drafts for so long, i finally finished it😭😂 hope you like it!

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2023 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

"So I just put in anything?"

"Yea basically anything you want to try, to do with your prospect partner. If somebody thinks it's interesting, then they pick it. Totally anonymous. If you don't like the person who picked your note then you can just pass" Ryujin explains while she hands you a piece of paper and a pen

"But what if somebody said the same thing as me" you ask

"Hasn't happened before, believe me you're about to hear the weirdest shit tonight"

"So what do I put?"

"I don't know, your dream place to do it" she jokes

"And I don't have to say it's from me right?"

"Yep, totally anonymous"

Do it in an expensive car.

You wrote it down as a joke, no one will know it was you and you didn't really mean it. Pinning the note on the board, taking one last look at it before walking to the refreshments table.

College parties are like Friday night staple. It would be weirder if you stay home instead of going out and potentially die alcohol poisoning. The funny thing is everyone's schedule intersects with one another, meaning if it's exam season you won't hear a single stereo blasting at any of the usual party dorms. But best believe once exams are over, you'll see atleast one or two passed out student at some random doorstep.

"Did you write yours?" Ryujin asks, appearing again beside you

"Yep"

She looks at you with a smirk, not expecting you to actually do it. "Didn't know you had it in you"

"You say it like it's a scary cult initiation" you mumble

"No no no totally not, I mean look at Minjeong and Jaemin. They met through that"

"They did not"

"They did"

"What did she write?"

"Some very cute cliche scene only Na Jaemin can pull off. She kinda did write it with him in mind so in a way it worked out for them" she shrugs, pointing the beer can she was holding towards Minjeong and Jaemin who looked like they were lost in their own world.

"And you? Have you every tried?"

"Yep, landed a few dates with Jung Sungchan last semester"

"That's how that happened? I thought you met at the gym or something"

"Definitely not, said I wanted to make out in the radio booth. He was the university radio DJ at the time" she laughs at your reaction, "How about you, what did you write?"

"Probably will never happen"

"Why? What did you write, tell me" she pulls on your arm dramatically

"Because we're a bunch of college students and I doubt someone here drives an expensive car"

"Why? What do you need the car for?" it takes her a second before she squeals and hit you on the arm a couple of times

"You little minx! You did not!"

"It's a joke, like I said as if someone drives an expensive car around here and if by some miracle they do I don't have to reveal who I am"

As the night went on, you kind of forgot about that whole thing. Ryujin kept on passing shots to you, by the end of the night you're sure you won't make it past the front steps but you tried anyways. It's getting to stuffy for you inside. As expected, you took exactly two steps from the door when you tripped on your feet, landing on the floor with a loud thug.

Too drunk, you just giggled instead of standing up. Not noticing someone was standing behind you.

"Are you just going to sit there?" someone spoke from behind you

"I'm just waiting for the world to stop spinning for a second"

"Sweetheart, if the world stopped spinning for a second we'll all be fucked"

"At least some of us will be" you laughed, looking up behind you to see who it was. "Holy shit, you're hot"

The mystery dude lets out a laugh, "thank you, but can you move aside first then we can talk angel"

"Jeno, quit flirting for a second. We need to drive Minjeong back" someone behind the hot dude, whose name you think is Jeno, said

"What are you doing there anyways, who- wait I know you. Y/N?" at the mention of your name, Minjeong's head popped up from the back. Now you notice was Jaemin speaking,

"You know each other?" Jeno asks, Minjeong immediately stepping forward to help you up and Jaemin following his girlfriend

"Yes, she's my friend. Hey are you okay? Where's Ryujin"

"Sucking faces with Sungchan, I think. I'm not sure" you answer, leaning sideways making you stumble a bit. This time Jeno catches you before you dive down the floor again.

"I can't just leave here here, I need to find Ryujin"

"I think she's busy, didn't you hear what she just said. Hate to ruin somebody's night" Jeno said, looking down at you

"And she's three seconds away from completely passing out. Do you where she lives?" Jeno asks Minjeong "Yea"

"Okay, we can drop her off first then we'll drive you back"

Jeno had other plans for tonight but it looks like it has to wait. It will eat him alive if he leaves a drunk girl alone at a party like this. He knows a lot of the guys in the frat house but of course he can't vouch for the rest of the campus, that's not a risk he's willing to take.

The trio helped you get back to your dorm, Minjeong getting the keys in your pocket and tucking you in bed while the two boys wait in the living room.

"You met someone tonight?" Jaemin asks his bestfriend

"Nope"

"Why not just give the note wall a try? Who know you might find a girl for you there" Jaemin says, for a second his eyes looking where Minjeong disappeared with you

"You're one of the lucky ones, most of those you even try that game ends up with a one night stand or find themselves in an arrangement of some kind" Jeno counters

"And?"

"Not what I'm looking for. Just here to be the chauffer for the night. Don't know why you're grilling me about my lovelife" Jeno answers sarcastically, making Jaemin laugh.

"Sorry, didn't know it was a touchy subject"

"You don't look sorry" Jeno snarks back

"Nope, can't say I can relate"

Another week has passed and you've completely forgotten about the note you wrote. Not until Ryujin came bursting through the study halls doors looking for you. When she spotted you, she made a dash for it.

"Girl I think someone got your note!"

"Huh? What note?"

"At the party!"

You needed a few seconds to understanded what she was saying before it clicked.

"Wait what? how did you know?"

"I saw a very expensive looking car drive by when I was walking out the gym"

You rolled your eyes at her statement, "And it didn't occur to you it might have been a professor or someone's parent?"

"Oh"

"Yeah oh, besides we're not even sure if someone took my note" you tell her

"Someone did" "Say what?"

"Someone did take your note, at the party. I left later than you, and a lot less drunk. I went to read some of the other notes but the one mentioning an expensive car wasn't there" she tells you

A few outcomes already playing in your head but you shrug them off. Remembering you don't have to reveal yourself.

"Also Lee Jeno is looking over here"

"Who?"

"Lee Jeno, Jaemin's bestfriend. Anyways I need to go, I'm running late for my next class. Guess I got excited over nothing. See you later, bye" then she was off again.

Looking behind to check who was looking, there's only one person looking at your direction. He made eye contact with you, tilting his head a bit to the side like he was waiting for something but you just looked forward again returning to your original position.

Jeno chuckles to himself, you probably don't remember him. So he packed his stuff, walking towards your table before taking the vacant seat infront of you.

Surprise written all over your face, because one you've never met this guy and number two he's probably one of the most attractive dude you've ever seen.

"Uh can I help you?" you ask him

"You can start with a thank you" he answers

"Excuse me? Why?"

"Ah so you don't remember. Well sweetheart, I was the one who drove you home last Friday. Not that I expect you to remember" he chuckles

"Minjeong said she took me home"

"Yea, with Jaemin. Using my car. Technically I drove all of you home"

"Oh"

Again he just stared at you, raising a brow at you

"Oh right, thank you" you mumble

"No worries. Just glad to see you alive after that, I bet the hangover wasn't as fun"

"I was begging all the gods to take the headache away or atleast blow my brains off, that would've been an easier way to take me out"

He let out a laugh, you're not so different sober. You're still as funny as he remembers from the only interaction he had with you.

"I didn't say anything embarrassing right?" you asked, eyes suddenly opening a bit wider. You don't fully trust yourself sober, much less when you're drunk.

"No, you were knocked out the whole ride back"

"Oh thank god"

"But you did call me hot, thanks for that again" suddenly you feel all of the blood rush to your cheeks and your hands suddenly got clammy. Did the room suddenly dropped a few degrees colder but also the air feels hotter.

"I didn't, tell me I didn't" you let your head fall on the table while Jeno just smiles down at you, enjoying every second of this.

"I did say we can continue that conversation later, how about we get some lunch or coffee after your last class?" he ask

"You're having too much fun with this conversation" you mumbled, not really giving him an answer

"I enjoy looking at pretty things" he answered without missing a beat, taking note of the way his gaze never left the side of your face.

"You wouldn't be here if Minjeong didn't make you drive me home"

"False. I was the one who found you sitting by the door, I wasn't going to leave a drunk girl alone like that"

"What, you bring them home instead?" you ask, this time looking straight at him

"I'm sensing very judgmental vibes from you right now, all I was asking was if you wanted to grab lunch"

"That was a no, bet you never heard of that before" you mumbled under your breath but he heard you anyways. You gather your stuff, ready to leave and finish this interaction.

"Dinner then?"

"So you're that type of guy who can't take no for an answer, good to know"

He lets out a chuckle, standing up from his seat too. This time he's towering over you, "I was being courteous, I'll take my leave now before you psychoanalyze me. Guess I'll see you around" he smiles then walks away.

Another week passed by, another Friday party to attend. If you're being honest, most of the time you come to these parties against your will. Like tonight, Ryujin wouldn't let you go home after your last class. Insisting you can get ready over at her place before the party. So here you are.

"If you want to spy on Sungchan, you can just say so" you tell her, finding it a bit funny how she keeps on looking around for him

"I'm not looking for him"

"Oh really, cause he just walked in" that made Ryujin look behind her, scowling back at you when she didn't see the aforementioned guy

"Just kidding, he's outside. I just saw him like five minutes ago being dragged by Dery so if I were you, I'd go there before he gets too drunk" she shoots you a smile before walking towards the back door, leaving you alone by yourself.

You followed short after, it was getting a bit crowded inside so you decided to get some fresh air. You're enjoying you're drink by yourself when suddenly someone whispers by your ear

"I know your secret"

That made you whirl around, ready to slam the dude. Only to find Jeno laughing to himself, eyes disappearing as he smile

"Dude what the fuck is wrong with you"

"Sorry, you looked too serious and too alone" holding his hands up before standing beside you. Resting his hip on the fence, facing you instead of facing forward like you were doing

"What are you doing here?" you ask him

"It's a party" he shrugs

"No, I mean here Jeno. What are you doing here" you gesture between the two of you

"Oh, well like I said I saw you alone so I here I am. And didn't you hear what I said?" he tilts his head, a smirk playing on his lips. You didn't like how much you find him attractive doing just that.

"What? What did you say?" you ask back

He chuckles before leaning closer, totally crossing your personal bubble to whisper to you again. "I know your secret. Your note"

At the mention of that note, your blood runs cold. You totally forgot about that until this moment.

"What note?" you ask, pretending you didn't know what he was talking about. He smirks at you while getting something from his pocket, when you saw what it was a mixture of horror and shock shows on your face.

"This is your note, right"

"No, I don't know what you're talking about" you deny, suddenly you can't look straight at him

He chuckles, opening the note and reading it a few times over. "You know how I know? we've had a few classes together over the years, sometimes you let Minjeong borrow your notes which she then lets Jaemin borrow then I borrow it too, you have a distinct way of writing A"

"Are you calling my handwriting ugly?"

"So this is yours?"

You scowl at him, snatching the piece of paper from his hand. "I was just kidding when I wrote that"

Do it in an expensive car. Cursing yourself for even writing it. And also cursing the universe for letting Jeno be the one to find it.

"It'll be our little secret" he says, sipping on his drink while looking at you.

You took the risk of looking at him, catching his gaze on your lips by a split second before he's looking straight in your eyes again

"What?" you ask

"Never though you'd be the type that wants to try out exhibitionism"

"Okay first, that was not what I was thinking when I wrote that and two you're stereotyping me now?"

"Oh just like you did with me?" he raises a brow at you "So why did you write it?" he adds

"As a joke, plus what are the chances someone on campus owns an expensive car when half of the people here are neck deep in student loan debt" you explain

Again he chuckles, downing the rest of his drink before setting it down.

"What? You look like you're planning something devious" you tell him, for the second time tonight he comes a little too close to you. Enough to leave goosebumps on your skin just from his proximity.

He slips something in your hands while whispering something in your ear, "Hold on to this for me? I'll go find Jaemin and say bye" he smile then walks away without saying another word.

You look down at your hand to see a key fob, the logo all too familiar to you. Your mouth agape as you look towards where Jeno disappeared to but you can't see him anymore. You leave your drink and made your way outside, surely he'll find you. He did just leave the keys to his VERY expensive car with you.

While waiting for him on the front porch, you walk back and forth looking towards the row of cars parked on the side of the road.

"My car's a bit further down, don't want to scratch her with everyone walking by" someone says from behind you, already recognizing the voice

"Are you sure this is yours? This is not stolen right?" you ask him, meanwhile Jeno just laughs as he walks ahead of you. You follow behind him.

"It's mine, birthday gift before I left for college"

"Oh so from your rich parents then"

"You didn't specify on your note who had to buy the car" he jokes, halting his steps to let you catch up so this time you're walking side by side

"I'm not having sex with you, I don't care how expensive your Benz is" you tell him seriously. Unconsciously hugging your self with your arms across your chest.

Jeno holds his hands up, his mother did raise him to be a gentleman. And contrary to your initial impression of him, he does take no for an answer.

"We don't have to do anything, you can go back to the party if you want to. I'm going now since it's getting a bit boring, I'll go grab something to eat though if you want to come with"

You weigh your options, is it smart to leave with a guy you barely know? most people your age would do the same, hell some leave parties with complete strangers.

"I'm not gonna end up in your trunk right?" you ask him, this made Jeno laugh. Holding his hand against his chest, "Not unless you ask me to, but I prefer the backseat it's more spacious"

"I don't want to know how you're so sure of that, I'm just hoping the seats are clean and I won't contract anything" you mumble, following his lead. He stops beside a sleek black car, holding his hand out for the key. You let it fall back in his palm, he press the unlock button before opening the door for you.

"And they say chivalry is dead" you mumble, earning another chuckle from the guy before he jogs over the driver's side.

"I'm really hoping I won't end up in a ditch somewhere"

"I'm not gonna murder you" he says as he starts the engine, looking over at you to check if you're all buckled up before he start to drive away

"That's exactly what a killer would say"

He just laughs at your statement, pressing something in the dashboard before passing his phone to you "Play some music, please. Your pick"

Just like that the two of you settle, you keep the small talk going. It surprised you just how easy it was to keep a conversation with Jeno going, the two of you talked about anything and everything. When you got to the restaurant he was talking about, he told you to wait while he jogs over to your side. Opening the door for you, not missing how his hand stayed on top of the doorframe just in case you hit your head.

"A breakfast diner? It's 1am?"

"So? It's never too late for pancakes" he smiles at you, letting you walk in first. When the two of you ordered, he insisted he'll pay since he technically did invite you. After a few protest from you, you let him tap his card.

"Now I owe you" you mumble as you slide in the booth, him sitting infront of you. He notices you look at the seat beside you before looking at him, "What?" he asks

"I just.. it's silly but can you seat here?"

He didn't say anything else, standing back up to take the seat beside you.

"Better?" he asks, looking at you. You nod at him, this time you're not glaring or scowling at him. Instead a small smile is on your lips, Jeno thinks he likes it better that way.

"Can I ask why?"

"Huh? why what?"

"You want me to seat here?" he asks

"Oh uhm one time before I was seating alone in a cafe and this dude suddenly sat beside me. It got real weird real quick I had to call for help" you frown, recalling the bad memory.

Jeno sits straight when he heard your story, like suddenly he was on fight mode. "Is he from campus?"

Already thinking if he can track down the guy and have a talk with him, but you shake your head. "Some random dude I thankfully never saw again"

The food arrives as you finish talking, again the two of you made small talk while you ate. The time passing by, the two of you paid no mind to the clock on wall. You were having a great time.

"It's pretty late, I should drive you home" he says, looking at his watch before sliding out of the booth. Again he waits for you, holding the door open for you.

You watch the street lights pass by, the rest of the neighborhood lost in dreamland while you're in your own moment.

Jeno stops infront of your apartment complex, then turning off the engine. This time he didn't move to open the door for, so you look over at him to find him already looking at you.

"What?" you chuckle

"If I ask you out on a date, will you say yes or no?"

"Are you asking now or..."

"Depends, do you kiss after the first date only?" you roll your eyes at his question, unbuckling your seatbelt before leaning over the center console to pull him by the jackets towards you.

"Depends, are you not going to stuff me in your trunk?"

Jeno chuckles, tilting his head sideways. This way his lips are closer to yours, one move and they're touching but he made no move to close the gap. He lets you decide what the next move would be.

Then you do. You close the distance between the two of you, feeling his lips against yours. His lips still taste a bit sweet, like the syrup on the pancakes you just had. This thought made you smile.

Jeno pulls away enough but still close to you, like he's scared to let you go too far from his grasp. "What's funny?" he asks, thumb on your cheek

"Nothing, you taste sweet" you says before diving right back in. This time you feel him pull you even closer until you're climbing over and settling on top of him. Sitting squarely on his lap.

Jeno pulls the seat back to make more room between you and the steering wheel. Your arms locked around his shoulder while his are around your waist. He didn't do anything to take it further, he was contented kissing you like you're his last breath of air.

You don't know how much time has passed, loving every second his lips are on yours. Eventually you had to pull away, Jeno then moves down to kiss your jaw then down the hollow of your neck.

"I should go now" you breath out but didn't really make any effort to move, instead you tilt yout head to the side to give him more room to continue whatever magic he was doing.

"Mhm, sure" Jeno mumbles against your skin, he nips at your neck for a while before he kisses his way back up to your lips. Smiling again against his lips.

"Does this count as doing it in an expensive car?" he jokes when the two of you broke apart. You hit him on the chest playfully, Jeno catches your hand before kissing your knuckles.

"Go on a date with me?" he asks, his expression completely different from how it was just moments ago. You roll your eyes but the smile on your lips told him otherwise.

His arms are still around you, and yours still hugging him. You might not be attached at the lips anymore but the space between your bodies still nonexistent. He could definitely get used to this, he thought.

"Okay fine, next time we'll try the backseat though"

[niseag-reads]

Ouch my brain /pos - a ramble

Right. I want to say something sensible about this book, but I have been reading it since January, and I would be damned if I remembered what happened in the first half of it in any detail. This is a ramble/review for "Forges of Mars." the full trilogy. by Graham McNeill

Taking so long to read it was not the books fault. Indeed, that was me running into burnout and being preoccupied with university stuff. But being somewhat less than fully emerged in this book probably didn't help the book at all.

There are so many characters, holy shit. And some of their names are so similar! Hawke and Hawkins come to mind. Additionally, characters will be named by their first name, last name, or nicknames and keeping apart who is who is no joke. The dramatis personae provided is somewhat useful, but annoying when you have to refer to it too often. this does come with the caviat that I do, as a rule, not really remember names (I think it's the autism) making this all the more difficult to me. Where characters are diverse enough in their thinking and acting i will be able to tell them apart by that, but for side and background characters that really doesnt work.

With this, there are also multiple storylines, and my issue with that in many books is that there is always some I prefer over the others and then I get annoyed when they switch to the ones I do not care for as much. Also because I often didn't immediately know where we were jumping to. it really grated my gears that when a POV switch happened it wasn't always immediately clear whose POV the book had switched to, causing moments of confusion. Perhaps if i remembered which names belonged to what people it would be easier, but sadly it was not. for fairness, I was reading the ebook. Maybe this is clearer in the paper version.

In this trilogy, I found myself intrigued by the characterisation of the mechanicus characters whom I wanted to stick with, only to be forced to read about these other groups as well... if I wanted to read space marines, I'd have picked up one of their books, you know? Regardless, the arcs of kotov, linya, and tychon were all very interesting to me, and eventually, around the second book, I started to appreciate locke as well. The way the warhounds were written actively annoyed me, but I am someone who has read a lot of books involving (were)wolves, and my expectations from that may have influenced how I looked upon these chapters. the many POVs in this book felt somewhat unnessecary, too, like, I am unsure what the marines or the warhound POVs truly added to the storytelling. I get why there was both mechanicus and bondsman perspective though, that was a very interesting and clever choice in worldbuilding that allowed the reader to see the two ends of the coin when it comes to the runnings of a mechanicus expedition. the eldar perspective was not one I cared for much, but I do not fault the book for including it because it did definitely add a completely different angle to everything going on in this book.

The last book in the series is significantly more intense and action-packed than the other two, which I had not expected. It solidifies the feeling of a finale, I suppose, especially since the other two books lacked proper ending points. I thus believe that this was written as one very long book that was chopped into threes for marketability. That's not a negative, just an observation. the final confrontation is a-tier. very good, very satisfying. Galatea deserved worse. All in all, this was a decent enough experience and I can see why some people go wild for the characters in this book, they're very good. I left this review sitting in my drafts for so long I forgot where I was going with it. anyways. 3.5 stars. do recommend, but is very long and requires brain.

[notoriousbeb]

TTPD Notes - The Manuscript (Pt. 3)

TTPD Notes Glossary

"Florida!!!"  

Recorded June 29, 2023; however, I'd wager to guess the first pre-Florence draft of this was first penned earlier, as it probably took a bit of logistics to meet up with Florence in the studio  

While probably a bit about all three recent exes ("So, I did my best to lay to rest all of the bodies that have ever been on my body") I'd say it's mostly about one. "And the hurricane with my name [Taylor Russell, is that you entering the chat?], when it came, I got drunk, and I dared it to wash me away. Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine. Well, me and my ghosts we had a hell of a time."  

If you peruse my timeline, I think you’ll find that the “shitstorm back in Texas” and her need for the release/high of the Tampa shows suddenly snaps into clear focus.  

Why does she want to be told that she’s despicable and unforgivable? The Matty thing is my guess.  

"Guilty as Sin"  

I think this was written pre-Eras Tour, but maybe not recorded until during?  

Interesting note, a few years ago, Harry shared “The Downtown Lights” by The Blue Nile with music journalist Zane Lowe as part of a playlist he put together  

A hedge maze is an outdoor garden maze or labyrinth. In "Labyrinth," she says, "I thought the plane was going down, how'd you turn it right around...I'm falling in love again." To me, this is saying, "I thought we were through, but I am falling in love with you again." And it's a clear reference to the Harry and Taylor of yore — paper airplanes. I am so confused about other people's confusion as to the muse of this song.  

She says she keeps “these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault.” Hmm. Maybe keep an eye out for the “reputation” vault tracks? I know I am.  

“I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)”

See this post

"loml"  

I’m guessing recorded Spring 2023  

Lion references make me think of this image from April 13, 2023 at Electric Lady. Were they shooting a music video for TTPD? If so, gimme now. She’s wearing a Gucci lion ring. From Harry? (If you are unaware, he also has two Gucci lion rings). 

It was legendary, you say? Like, they were “born to be suburban legends” and when he holds you it holds you together and it’s “the only thing that’s holy” (“Guilty as Sin?”)  

I don’t think “you shit-talked me under the table” means he talked shit about her. Harry would never do that. I think it refers to the alternate definition of the term. Like he was talking out of his ass or bullshitting.  

“Love of my Life” is Harry’s only track 13.  

This song makes me cry every time I hear it. Every time. It’s so beautiful, though, so I can’t stop won’t stop. “Dancing phantoms on the terrace/are they second hand embarrassed?” Fuck me all the way up. 

Can you imagine being Joe Alwyn and knowing you put in six years and also knowing this song is not about you? I would simply turn to dust and blow away.  

“I Can Do It with a Broken Heart” 

God, this is such a great goddamn, perfect pop song. It has to be a single, right? 

In my heart and gut, I believe this is about Harry. I really think she’d already processed the Joe breakup before Era’s even started. She didn't love Matty—she said so herself and I believe her. She started the tour strong. But then late April hits and boom she was crying on stage and falling apart. Why? See my crazy Haylor Magnum opus and timeline for my thoughts.

"The Black Dog"  

I didn’t want it to be, but unfortunately, I’m convinced this is about Harry: Regarding the line, “I just don’t understand how you don’t miss me in the shower and remember how my rain-soaked body was shaking,” if you’ll refer to my scary stalker timetable, you’ll see it rained at the first night of the Arlington, Texas, show where I think Harry was.

In the original lyrics, it was “these weeks of breathing clean air” so the timeline means nothing.

Joe didn’t leave with his tail between his legs. She left him (see: “So Long, London” and “Fresh Out the Slammer”). Some might even say she bolted. And Matty was in the states when she wrote the song. But you know who was spotted and pictured in London just days before his Horsens show on May 13? Harry Styles.

Updated June 15, 2025: Joe confirmed to The Sunday Times’ Style magazine that he’s never been to Vauxhall where the Blackdog is located. In the intervening months, Matty Healy has since stated he and Taylor were not serious in any way.

These lyrics are clearly, to me, about someone she was with long term and left (Joe); this muse is someone she had a prior history with who left her—and suddenly. “Was it hazing? For a cruel fraternity I pledged? And I still mean it. Old habits die screaming.” And “Were you making fun of me with some esoteric joke?” “Hazing” and “cruel fraternity” are not apt metaphors for a six-year relationship. But they sure are for a two-week rebound with an on-and-off four-year situationship, though.

She was so, so big mad about Harry being at this bar. Why? Was he not answering her texts or calls/actually or appearing to “avoid her like the plague” as per “I Can Do It with a Broken Heart?” Why is there a girl there with him who is too young to know the Starting Line? Why does Taylor know this girl is there? Is she imaginary? She had better be imaginary! Goddamnit, Harry. I don’t want to be mad at you.

[iminlovewithwomen]

Could you do a romantic x reader headcanons about Ray Manchester/Captain Man 😍 (First Meeting, Spending time with reader and giving her job at Junk N'Stuff, Finding out that Ray has romantic feelings for the reader, Ray flirting with the reader, First Date/First Kiss, The reader finding out Ray's secret, the reader on a secret date with Ray as Captain Man) !

yes ofc i love him

GENDER NEUTRAL FOR ALL Y'ALL WOMEN AND MEN THAT LOVE HIM

Ray Manchester Headcannons

ok so

y'all met in like the middle of season two

you were casually looking for a job when you found the junk n stuff application

you were like

"holy shit this is perfect"

just to find the most HANDSOME man you've ever met

you work as the cashier

ray would sometimes come out of the basement and hang out with you on not so busy days

you guys would joke around and laugh and it was amazing

you eventually felt feelings for him but you hid it well

one day

henry came out of the back and was like

"yo i just wanted to tell you that ray likes you but he's too much of a coward to tell you that"

you sat there in shock while henry left and as soon as he did

ray came dashing to you saying stuff like

"i promise you whatever he just said is not true!"

you assured him that it was okay and that you felt the same but he could not believe it

yeah he was cocky a lot about how he's so handsome and yadayadayada

but he just couldn't realize why you liked him

you started dating after that

he would sometimes come up to the store just to be like

"hi, love"

ITS SO ADORABLE AHHHH

everytime he came up just to see you

you were as red as a tomato

that man is so in love with you istg

as soon as he saw you he was like

"yep. they're the one"

a little while after

ray asked you out on a date and you started screaming and jumping because it had been around 2-3 months by that time and you were just patiently waiting for him to ask you out

he took you to Fred Lobster bc he wanted it to be perfect for your first date

and it was

guys this was sitting in my drafts for a month straight.

YES I KNOW I DIDNT GET TO ALL OF THE PLOTS IN THE REQUEST IM SO SORRY ANON 😭😭 i felt bad for keeping you waiting for so long

[asimplearchivist]

(This has been sitting in my drafts long enough…my fear of mischaracterizing Astarion is lesser than the agitation of seeing this beast among my WIPs. @fangswbenefits I’m affectionately blaming you for giving me pale elf brain rot🫣)

Okay guys this may be a very niche concept that will appeal to maybe like two people total but it hasn’t left my mind since I mentioned the idea to a buddy of mine who convinced me to play bg3…(Cullen and Astarion have a lot of similarities, which I would love to elaborate on later, but…) hear me out—it could be a very interesting dynamic to play with in a crossover.

Headcanons under the cut:

I’m not usually one for crossovers unless they’re in self-contained within a fandom (like Pokémon or Dragon Age, for example—there’s a phenomenal fic called The Half-Life of Element Zero by @unhealthynpcobsession which is a DAI/MEA crossover and safely one of the only “cross-fandom” crossovers I genuinely enjoy and adore bc the story and concepts are contextually sound and professionally orchestrated), but I feel like the sheer numbers of DAI fanfiction that explore the concept of the Breach opening up portals into other worlds (namely our modern Earth, thus the Modern Girl in Thedas trope, my beloved) could include adjacent worlds. I believe I have seen Skyrim before, so why not Baldur’s Gate 3? (Now keep in mind I know next to nothing about BG3 bc I am newly introduced to its lore and everything but) I think one could easily get away with having Astarion somehow slip through the Breach, along with the Sole Survivor at the Conclave.

(Holy shit why did this turn out so fucking long?)

The Survivor wakes—chained, cold, and aching—in the cells beneath the chantry, interrogated by Cassandra and Leliana, and denies her involvement with the Temple’s destruction. Forced to cooperate with the Survivor due to their dire need for the Mark and its potential use related to the Rifts, Cassandra casts a scowl at Leliana. “I will escort the prisoner if you will deal with the pale elf.”

Leliana only responds mildly, “I will continue to deal with him as I have been for the last three days—as well as nurse the migraine that he has caused.”

The Survivor doesn’t meet this esteemed “pale elf” until the battle at the Temple, and she only sees him from afar—he accompanied Leliana’s men to deal with the array of Shades and Wraiths that speckled the cratered grounds while the rest picked away at gargantuan Pride. She notices he is masterfully skilled with his weapons, perhaps even peculiarly so—she also notices that he has far greater strength, agility, and stamina than the average elf, easily surpassing the abilities of his peers.

She doesn’t see him again until well after the dust has settled—the Breach has been patched, Haven is able to reassess themselves, and the new Inquisition begins to construct their foundation. The newly named Herald of Andraste attempts to escape it all, fleeing into the grounds beyond Haven’s gates under the guise of fulfilling favors and errands for the various supervisors in the village, and stumbles across an abandoned cabin in the forest—at least she thought it was abandoned, at first.

She’s rummaging through the things there, finds the passed healer’s notes, but the lightest creak of displaced wood behind her tips her off to the presence of another. She whirls, hand already flying to her weapon, and backs up against the table, sending things clattering to the floor. The pale elf stands there, smirking at her startle.

“Act all the victim when you intrude on my space,” he croons, tilting his head and tutting at her, “my, how manners seem hard to come by around here.”

“You’re that—” She stops, hesitates, starts again. “Sister Leliana mentioned you. You’re the only other one who survived the blast.”

“That is comparatively the least of my problems and only the beginning of my present predicament, yes.” His eyes—as brilliant a crimson as the blood that still crusts the wounds that litter her bruised, battered, borderline broken body—scan her form from top to bottom, pause on her bandaged hand, and return to meet her uneasy gaze with a considerate one of his own. “Although I’m afraid I can confidently say that I ended up with the better of the lots drawn between the two of us.” His expression relaxes, just a little, a thready furrow forming between his silverite brows. “Does that hurt?”

She clenches her fist and clenches her teeth. “It’s dismissible.”

“Considering I heard tell that it is in the process of consuming you, I would disagree—but, I digress!” He flashes her a toothy smirk. “I am just grateful that there are no longer demons spewing out of that torn arsehole in the sky.”

She stares at him for a long moment, uncertain what to say in response. She’s exhausted, sore, and reeling from the last week of utter unfortunate bullshit that had befallen her.

“You’re…rather tall, for an elf,” she finally says lamely.

His brows arch into his forehead in clear surprise before he tips his head back and laughs. It exposes his teeth, and…no, those were not fangs. It must have been a trick of the firelight.

“It does seem that my kindred, however distantly related they are, do not possess as generous of traits as I,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “All so thin and lithe and…well, diminutive…it’s truly a marvel how they’re able to get anything done without breaking their hollow little bones. It’s little wonder that they seem so afraid of everyone else around here.”

She frowns, echoing, “‘Distantly related’?” with some dubiousness.

“Oh, your lovely spymaster didn’t tell you? I’m shocked.” The stranger gestures to himself with his arms extended to either side. “You have my sincerest apologies, my dear, I haven’t even introduced myself—I complain of lack of manners, yet fail to offer them in due turn.” He dips at the waist briefly, eyes glittering through his frosty lashes. “My name is Astarion, and…to put it simply, I am not supposed to be here.”

“I imagine anyone is fortunate to have walked away from all that destruction unscathed,” she responds mildly, narrowing her eyes.

“How cute,” he simpers, straightening and bracing his hands on his hips. “I fail to possess sufficient enough knowledge of magic in order to explain how in the hells this happened, exactly, but I originate from a place called Faerûn—not your delightfully archaic ‘Thedas’.”

He goes on to ramble about his companions, at least two of whom would have been far better suited to hypothesize how to rectify this particular ‘magical’ predicament. He tells her about their unusual circumstances of being thrust together, forced to cooperate and work towards fixing their looming health issues and the threat that faces their world.

She studies him for a long moment after he finishes. “…It sounds as if you and I are trapped in similar problems,” she sighs, rubbing her face. “As incredible as this all sounds, I sincerely doubt such a story could be easily invented on the spot…so you have my sympathies. Do you think that you’ll be able to return home?”

“Sister Leliana introduced me to that lovely gentleman who dresses like a vagrant. Supposedly, he’s the resident authority on this…‘Fade magic’, as it were?” he surmises.

“So I’ve heard,” she responds.

“Yes, well, our conversation was cut rather short at the time due to him being rather persistent in keeping his eye on that little souvenir.”

She flexes her hand and glances away. She’s been doing her damnedest not to dwell on the burning in her palm, thank you very much, and she didn’t particularly want to discuss it, either.

“Nevertheless,” he continues lightly, although his tone tempers into something more neutral, “he promised that he would look into the issue.”

“That’s…that’s good,” she replies quietly. “I hope he finds a way to send you back.”

The pale elf tilts his head at her then, eyes contemplative when she looks back up. He offers her a thin-lipped smile—this one actually reaches his eyes, softening his angular features. “As much as I am grateful not to be in your position, I do apologize. It would seem that the weight of your new moniker is not one to be taken lightly.”

“It is what it is,” she grits out. “They will believe what they wish regardless of my input.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier.” He leans in, holding her stare. “…I think it best to remain nearby, for the time being. Sole survivors of a devastating explosion still under scrutiny by those newly in power ought to stick together, yes?”

She relaxes, just slightly. “As long as you’re not the one who caused all of this.”

His expression sobers enough that it jars her. “I am the least inclined to cause spontaneous combustion among my compatriots,” he tells her, attempting humor, but there’s something in his eyes that contrasts his words entirely—a lingering fear, apprehension, borderline horror, if she has to place a name on it. “But no. I did not. And I think I have a few choice words—and daggers—on reserve for whoever did cause all of this devastation. I never asked to be thrown into the middle of this refuse burn.”

“Neither did I.” She offers him a bow in return and gives him her name. “I would say it’s been pleasant to make your acquaintance, but…I think we both are allowed to say that we would rather not have met at all.”

“Agreed.” He stoops to pick up the papers Adan had sent her to find and hands them to her. “I trust I will see you again soon?”

“You do intend to stay?” she asks, brow furrowing as she tucks them into her pocket.

“I’ve nowhere else to go,” he begins, “and fleeing from an investigation would provide rather damning evidence for the prosecution, even if misused. For now I’ll lend my particular set of skills and…services to this delightful little collection of vagabonds. I think you need all the help you can get, given that poor, overworked general of yours is relying on farmers and pilgrims to become your armed force.”

“I don’t speak on behalf of the others,” she says, “but I thank you. You’re greatly appreciated.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he purrs. “Now…do go get some rest, my dear. You look positively horrible for someone who has slept for nearly six days.”

His nonchalant sincerity startles a laugh out of her—the first in what felt like an age. He seems pleased to have done so. She departs the cabin feeling slightly less isolated than before.

[thatblackravenclaw]

Look In My Bottom Drawer

(images above are from Pinterest)

Blog Details | Let's take a trip

Eddie Munson x a Black!fem!reader

a/n: holy shit, it's been almost 3 months since i've posted. how's everyone doing? sorry for the disappearance. i had some issues with my university that left me unmotivated. i got everything fixed but now i'm on my period with a sprained knee, so enjoy an old draft.

warning(s): cussing, sort of proofread, fluff, self-indulgent, format is weird because i turned this in as an assignment back in April

word count: 3.4k

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Does he even like black girls? I mean he isn’t racist, nor does he seem to have a preference. I don’t know, it’s just that sometimes it feels like I shouldn’t even try. People would probably look at us weird considering we’re in Hawkins fucking Indiana and it’s 1985. If I keep staring in the mirror with existential dread I’m gonna be late for school. Not if I speed… Let me get up.

I look in the mirror one last time. I take the last perm rod out and fluff my hair a little. I already know the humidity is going to fuck up my hair, but nothing I can really do about it, but put a scrunchie on. I’m gonna get judged for my outfit, but so be it. I’m always judged for my outfits because it isn’t como se dice what’s in right now. I mean tennis skirts have been in since the 20s, but this top I actually made myself. It’s a lilac long sleeve (Yes, I know it’s 87 degrees outside. Shut up.), but it doesn’t button or anything. You put it on like a sweater and then there are two ties in the front. One right above my bust and another one right below my bust. It shows enough of my boobs to consider me a whore, but not enough to get me dress coded. I slipped on my Vans that I usually only wear to skateboard, but I’m running out of time, and they were the closest. My socks are a bit thick, but that’s a problem for a later time.

This backpack is heavier today, I swear. I took shit out and it’s still heavy. Whatever I don’t need I’ll just throw in my locker. I step outside and the heat is already blazing. Do I regret my shirt choice? No. Am I hot as hell? Yes. Oh well. I look at my baby. My pride and joy. My 1983 Audi Quattro that I spent for fucking ever saving up for. I get in and put my bag in the passenger seat. I probably should’ve turned the AC on before I got in the car. Better late than never. I bring my wrist closer to my face and sternly stare at my watch. I have ten minutes to get to a school that’s fifteen minutes away. About to Back to the Future this shit.

Okay, so I don’t actually end up going 88, but I do go a good 50 in a 30. Luckily no police are around. I still can’t believe the DMV let me get my license. I think I ran probably like three curbs. I take another quick look at my watch and see I have four minutes left. Good thing the school is finally in view. You would think I’d managed my time better since I’m a senior, but old habits die hard I guess. I’m about to pull in when Eddie’s van zips in front of me and gets in first. Fucking asshole. I pull in right after him and hurry and park. It’s not the best parking job but fuck it. I take my keys out and hurriedly grab my bag. As I’m locking the door I hear Eddie get out too. Any other time I’d sneak a glance at him, but I have two minutes to get to class and I don’t feel like hearing any of Mrs. Brown’s shit. I start jogging toward the doors when I hear Eddie’s voice.

“Sorry about that, princess,” He yells to me. Nothing but humor is detected in his tone, so I just flip him off and continue to pick up my pace.

-.-.-.-

Made it to class with one minute to spare. I still got the “You were almost late. I expect more from you” look as I walked to my seat, but that I could deal with. Whoever gave me Trig at the beginning of the day must have it out for me. How am I supposed to focus on quadratic formulas at the ass crack of dawn? This blows. It doesn’t help that Mrs. Brown’s voice drones on and on. I decided to just doodle in the back of my notebook And by doodle I mean to write “Mrs. Eddie Maguire” in different fonts. Corny, I know, but doesn’t hurt to dream, right? I mean, he doesn’t really seem like the marriage type, to be honest. I’m buggin’. I wish I didn’t think about him all the time. Let’s start, now.

College. What are we doing? I applied to Lincoln. The one in Missouri though because the one in Pennsylvania was just a bit too far. I could’ve chosen an HBCU that was closer to home like Central State in Ohio or Simmons College in Kentucky, but neither appealed to me. Lincoln is a small school and everyone that I’ve talked to in administration was nice. It’s also pretty affordable considering I’m an out-of-state student. God, I hope I get accepted.

I continue switching topics until the bell rings. I’m usually the first one out, but since I came in late I’m in the very back and therefore the last to leave. I made sure to put my headphones on, so I could escape anybody that tries to talk to me. I also got Tears for Fears’ new album on cassette so I figured I could just listen to it all day since I don’t pay attention in my classes much anyway. I do however pay attention enough to remember that I have every class with Eddie after 1st period. There goes my streak of not thinking about him. Not like he shows up anyway.

-.-.-.-

I should’ve knocked on wood. Why the fuck did he show up? I’m sitting in the left corner in the back when I see him stroll through the door. I tuck my head into my elbow and face toward the wall.

“Hey princess.” You’ve gotta be kidding me. “I really am sorry for cutting you off earlier.”

I roll my eyes before sitting up and looking at him. Maybe he was being sincere. I look into his eyes until I’m satisfied with my decision.

“Sorry for flipping you off. I was just running late and was really irritated. I woke up late and then my curls weren’t coming out how I wanted them to, so I took most of that anger out on you.” He nods his head in understanding before turning to the front. I take out my notebook and continue my drawing of Marvin the Martian. I’m testing out what designs I want to put on my board. I kind of just have a hodge-podge of shit on it so it looks messy. Probably just gonna clear the whole thing and start over.

“We match.” A whisper says from beside me.

“What?”

“Our hair. It matches.” He says a little louder. I take a look at his hair and sure enough, it’s pretty similar. I give him a quick smile before going back to my doodling. I turn the page and facing me is the name “Maguire” in Metallica font. I try to turn the page but hear a whispered “holy shit!” as I’m in a half turn.

“Was that my name?”

“What? No.” I say in a completely obvious tone. I hurriedly turn to the next page and tell me why it’s a page that has “Eddie” in big font across the middle with hearts surrounding it. I just close the notebook and look up front.

-.-.-

He’s staring at me. He’s been staring at me for the past 45 minutes. I slipped my headphones back on about 40 minutes ago, but that didn’t deter him. I wish he would just say what he wants. Right then, a note makes its way in front of me.

“Do you like me? Yes or no.”

It takes everything in me not to chuckle out loud. I respond by writing, “Are we in middle school?” and tossing it back on his desk. At this point, I’m just watching the clock which is like watching a pot of water boil. Just a few more minutes. The paper lands in front of me again. “Depends. Yes, if that means you’ll answer the question.” I roll my eyes at his answer. The bell rings and I get up fast. With the note tossed in some random page of my notebook, I walk out the door and to my locker. I hopefully lost him in the crowd. I’m so thankful that my locker is nowhere near his. My lock decides to be on my side today and the combination works on the first try. For once my locker is actually decent, so I take unnecessary books out of my bag and add them to any empty space. I look through the notebook I had last period and find the note. I take the pencil that was in the spiral part and circle yes. A defeated sigh escapes my lips as I toss the note in the locker too.

“Hey Kendrick.” With the smuggest fucking face. I bring my headphones down to their original place around my neck.

“Yes, stalker?” I respond while walking towards our next class. His arm wraps around my shoulder which makes me smile internally.

“You gonna answer my question?” I stop on the side of the hallway so as not to be in anyone’s way. I look deep into his eyes. I hate the height advantage he has over me. I scrunch my face as if I’m thinking. I know the answer though. It’s been the same answer for years.

“Yes,” I respond with a smirk before continuing my way to class. Luckily it's study hall which doubles as lunch, but there are five shifts and ours is shift four which isn’t for about an hour. I walk in and it completely slipped my mind that the desks are doubles. The seat next to mine is usually empty since I don’t really mess with anyone like that at this school.

Right on cue, as soon as I sit down, Eddie pulls into the chair right next to mine.

“Yes you’ll answer my question or yes you like me?” A smirk pulls at the corner of my lips, and I put my headphones back on. I’m putting up the hugest front right now but in all actuality, my heart is beating so hard that I hear it in my ears and feel like it’s about to burst out of my chest. A sheet of sweat keeps reappearing on my forehead no matter how many times I wipe it off. I’m messing around by not giving him an answer because I don’t know if his question has good intentions.

He pulls my headphones off, and I look at him as if he committed a federal offense.

“I like you if that helps influence your definite decision or not.” I feel my heart stop. I never thought I’d hear him say those words.

“You still deal?” I ask after turning my full attention towards him.

“Depends on who’s asking.” I give him a pointed look and roll my eyes. “Yes, princess, I still deal. You lookin’ in the market?”

“Depends on how much you’re charging nowadays.”

“For you? A date.” I laugh at his pure corniness.

“I don’t think Rick will appreciate not getting his profits.”

“I’ll overcharge some freshmen. So, what do you say?” I smile and nod my head at him.

-.-.-.-.-

After that moment, the day went by pretty fast. Eddie didn’t bother me as much, but I would catch him staring at me a lot more. I basked in the attention but feigned to be oblivious. The only time I got true peace was when we went to lunch and that’s only because when he went to the cafeteria, I went to the library. You’re counted as truant if you’re caught, but the librarian and I are cool since I’m in here every day and treat her like an actual human being.

As I walk out of the classroom, I don’t even get a moment to blink before Eddie has my hand in his and we start walking the halls. I look around and see a few people giving us questioning glances. I stiffen up my hand before slipping out of his grip, becoming paranoid. Hawkins is probably one of the least racist cities, but I can’t help but still feel nervous. We finally make it outside and we move over to the sidewalk.

“My place or yours?” Eddie asks me with a look on his face that I can’t decipher.

“We can go to mine. Parents are gone for the weekend, so we can play house.” I say while trying to lighten the mood.

He agrees and we decide to just take our own vehicles and meet at my house. Not to save face or anything. Just so we can both still have our cars instead of driving all the way back up here to get our shit. It also gives me time to calm myself down before spending more time with him. I don’t even have my seatbelt on before I’m zipping out of the parking lot. No music, no nothing. I just want to get home before Eddie. I’m zipping in and out of traffic and skillfully dodging the cops, so I don’t get another speeding ticket. Can you believe they give speeding tickets in this small town? It’s some bullshit. Feels racially motivated. Let me shut up.

The drive goes by faster than this morning. I don’t even both parking straight as I turn off the car and rush to unlock the door. I toe off my shoes by the door and look around. Everything seems to be in order. I should probably have something cooking, right? I mean, we’re usually fine just ordering pizza. But we have food in the house. But pizza is good. But you already spent your paycheck on hair products…

I walk over to the fridge and see some leftover chicken alfredo that I completely forgot I made. I take it out and place it on the counter. Now, where did I put that casserole dish at? As soon as I find it, I dump the pasta in. Shit, I forgot to preheat the oven. I turn the dial and then hear a knock on the door. I didn’t even get a chance to check my room to see if it was decently clean enough or not. I yell “one sec” before taking off toward the door.

“Hey,” I say before turning back around and walking back to the kitchen. I grab a spoon and make sure that everything is out of the container and into the pan. I open the fridge and look for the shredded mozzarella. I put an even layer on top of the pasta and carefully put it in the oven. I’ve never really done it this way, but I’ve seen it in cookbooks so why not? Okay, timer, timer, where did I put it? I look around the kitchen and see Eddie standing in the doorway, holding the timer.

“Aw, look at my wife making food for me after I’ve had a long day at work.” I roll my eyes and walk over and grab the timer from him. I set it for fifteen minutes. I also set a mental note to sporadically check it, because some part of me tells me that that’s too long for it to be in the oven.

“I’m sorry I didn’t have it ready before you got here. I was just cleaning away and thinking of my dear husband and the time got away from me.” I say matching his energy.

“That’s okay, dear wife. I’ll forgive you just this once because I love you, but next time there will be consequences.” I feel myself freeze at him saying I love you, but I shake it off just as quickly knowing that he most likely doesn’t mean it.

“Thank you, my dear husband. Care to join me in the bedroom?”

“How could I ever say no to that?” His eyebrows wiggle suggestively before he grabs my hand, and we walk upstairs. My heart starts palpitating as we closer to my room.

I take a quick peek and it’s not as dirty as I thought it would be. A few (1/3 of the floor is covered) clothes are on the floor and my bed is unmade. I think it gives the room character. We walk in and he makes himself comfortable on the bed. I guess I spaced out because I look around, too nervous to do anything else, and notice that his lunchbox is right next to it, but I don’t even remember him having it in his hand.

“Do you have a musical preference this afternoon, husband?”

“Whatever you want, wife. I’m not picky or proud.” I snorted, knowing that was a lie. If it’s not rock or metal there’s a fat chance he’ll listen to it. I actually have a custom cassette tape that I made. It’s somewhere in this pile of junk, but it’s not really his type of music. None of my tapes are labeled so I guess we’re gonna play cassette roulette. I tell Eddie to look in my bottom nightstand drawer and get my grinder and tray while I find something to play. I’m not looking long before I hear Eddie talking.

“What?” I ask as I turn to him.

“Robin thinks I should do it, but Chrissy (gag me) told me I should play it safe and get with a college boy-“ I start chasing him around the room before he runs to my bathroom and locks himself in.

“YOU LITTLE SHIT! I TOLD YOU THE BOTTOM DRAWER, NOT THE TOP!” I yell while banging on the door.

“I’m most likely gonna do neither. I’m in love with Eddie..” His voice starts fading from a high-pitched girl voice to his regular tone, “and I don’t think that’ll change even if I’m not his type.” I could almost cry from the embarrassment. The timer rings from the dresser. I don’t even bother waiting for him to come out of the bathroom before hurrying downstairs.

Why doesn’t he listen? I clearly said the bottom drawer. Right? I’m pretty sure. Whatever. I open the oven door and the pasta looks good, but I’m gonna give it about two more minutes. I lean over the kitchen counter and put my head in my folded arms. I have to face him eventually. He’s in my house. Sooner happened rather than later because right after that statement I felt a hand on the middle of my back.

“Why wouldn’t you be my type.” His soft tone is what triggers the tears.

“Because I don’t look like any of the girls we go to school with. You should be with someone like Heather, Nancy, fuck maybe even Crissy. Besides. People would probably look at us funny. Interracial relationships aren’t very common.”

The timer goes off. I open the drawer next to the sink and get my oven mitts. I take this moment to gather my thoughts and breath, so I don’t have a mental breakdown. I open the oven door and thankfully the food looks good. I pick it up with both hands and close the door with my foot. I lay it down on the counter to cool down and I sit the oven mitts next to it.

“Look at me.” He says. I’m hesitant but eventually, turn to him. “My type is a girl that spends more time maintaining her hair than actual sleeping. My type is a girl that designs her own clothes because she doesn’t like the stuff at the mall. My type is a girl that skips lunch every day because she has social anxiety. My type of girl is you.” I look into his eyes and see the exact look I’ve been giving him since I met him.

“Now, I don’t know what I did to give off the impression that I was sitting here comparing you to other girls, but I have you right now and that’s all I need to care about.” Heat rushes to my face at the confession. I turn around and open the top cabinet and reach for a couple of bowls. His arms wrap around my middle, startling me a bit but doesn’t deter me from reaching for a serving spoon.

“By the way, I meant what I said earlier. I do love you. Even if you were late with dinner.” I laugh at his quip as I spoon the pasta into one of the bowls.

.

.

.

Eddie Masterlist | Hawkins

[lamentablequeen]

i would literally LOVE to hear about your transgender wizards and dog, holy shit?????

okay take two because tumblr ate my first draft of the response

(this is three weeks later because i have SO MANY OPINIONS about these guys!)

imagine if you will a world where SOMETHING recently happened that gave a lot of people superhero-esque powers, with varying levels of control over them. (recently being like. 10-20 years ago, long enough for there to have been a bunch of no-fun policies around them). the people of this world consider it "wizardry" and for the average person, "wizardry" is about as real as ESP. it's not super commonly believed in or accepted, but if you've seen it there's no denying it's a real thing. the goal is to keep anyone from seeing it.

liiiiiine break because i can sense this is going to get long

ok so imagine now that like. if you develop wizard powers you are functionally never seen again. so it's less "ohhh the cynical climate-denier type world doesn't believe in wizard magic" and more "if believing in vampires could get you targeted by vampires, you better not believe in vampires"

super roundabout metaphorical way to say that if you manifest wizardry in this world, and it gets found out, you basically get disappeared

don't worry about it! it's fiiiiine (it's not fine)

what happens when you manifest wizardry is that you get assessed and given a ranking

assessments are done on the basis of both how MUCH power a magic user has, and how much CONTROL they have over it (and a secret third thing: their potential to become dangerous/noticeable/put up a fight. basically their risk of fucking up the whole mission)

super high powered OR really volatile wizards get basically shipped to the front. howls moving castle style nebulous wizard war that i haven't fleshed out very much (but definitely will because mumblemumble current fixation)

wizards with moderate powers and more control get sent to WIZARD SCHOOL to learn how to actively manipulate and use their abilities (this is the part that is a blatant metaphor for burnout in academia, being disabled in higher education, and how everyone i know who ever went to art school has a complex about it. and also rincewind the wizard dropout from discworld)

the wizard school part is actually a really minor part of my worldbuilding i just threw it in there to give bowie more problems but we will get to that LATERRR

if you have less control and or less source power you have significantly more options! most of these options are related to dealing with the environmental and social fallout of the Wizard Incident

for MY little guys, this means that they are on a search-and-rescue team that works in and around a pretty large anomalous area (high magical contamination, kind of a fae-realm gnarly ground type of deal with an added dose of radiation from the high energy levels)

more details about the little guys in the reblog because i need to keep this ball rolling

[octodrawn]

Cringetober day 11: 5 + 1 things (fanfiction)

5 times Russell's hang-out plans went horribly wrong (and one time they didn't)

Or Russell Ferguson has like 5 mental health crises and breaks at least 2 laws but, hey, at least he got a pizza party

Content warning: not much, just a few swears (some in french) and as the above suggests, depictions of shitty mental health.

Rating: teen (see above)

Characters: Russell Ferguson, Pepper Clark, Sunil Nevla, Penny Ling, Minka Mark, Vinnie Terrio, Zoe Trent, and brief (implied?) cameos from Scout Kerry, Madison (girl who fills in for Blythe) and Captain Cuddles

Word count: ~3500

... is a change in section and --- is a time skip withing a section

This is technically just a rough draft so if there's anything you want to critique go ahead. I'd love to hear feedback.

OK, time for the actual fic! Yay!!!!

“Man, look at you go! And you were saying just a few hours ago that you didn’t want to go!”

Russell smiled to himself as he aligned the club and the ball “You know how busy I’ve been,” Russell said, making a graceful arc with his club as he took the shot “But, I’ve gotta admit, this is pretty fun!”

They watched the ball circle the hole before slotting in with a pleasant plunk.

“That’s par! Now, how many points am I winning by again?

“Yeah, yeah” Pepper scoffed and calculated the scores. “Hah! Don’t get too ahead of yourself, buddy. We’re tied right now!”

“So the windmill decides it all”

“Race ya!” Pepper said, already bolting for the final hole.

“Wait!” ---

“Birdie! Read it. And. Weep”

Two strokes. Pepper beat the windmill in two strokes. It didn’t help that Pepper was being such a braggart about it, but what could Russell do? How could he beat a score like that?

“You givin’ up or what?”

No. It can’t end like this. Russell would not let it.

“Like hell I am!’

All he needed was a hole-in-one. Just one shot to wipe that stupid smug grin off of Pepper’s stupid smug face.

Russell gripped the golf club, knuckles going white. One shot. Just one perfect shot. He shuffled his feet and focused on the timing. He took in a breath. One. Two. NOW

The ball exploded off the ground and flew right into the windmill’s blade, from where it ricocheted off like a bullet into…. The gift shop’s window, shattering it.

“Shit.”

“HAHAHAHAH Oh my god, oh my GOD!”

“Pepper.”

“Now I’ve seen holes in one before but that's the first time I’ve seen a hole in one WINDOW! AHAHAHA!”

“Pepper! Run!”

That’s when Pepper saw the cashier, scrambling towards them, metal golf club in hand.

“Holy moly!”

And so the two of them ran into the night.

“This means I win, right?”

“Pepper!”

…

“Here’s your wristbands. Enjoy your visit to the Downtown City Museum of Arts, sirs.”

“Yes, we will. Have a wonderful night!” Sunil said, putting on his wristband then helping Russell with his own.

“Oh! Thank you,” Russell said “Now, according to this map, the reception for the new Egyptian exhibit should be…” he examined the map that, when unfolded, took up his entire wingspan.

“That way?” Sunil pointed towards the crowd of people walking towards a door decorated to look like the entrance of an ancient tomb.

“Well, I was just about to say that, but yes,”

They entered the exhibit and Russell immediately got the sense he was underdressed for the occasion. He buttoned a few of his top buttons and tightened his tie. He looked over to his friend to inspect his outfit, but more noticeable was the fear on his face.

Russell tapped his shoulder and Sunil leaned over. “Hey. I know you don’t do well with crowds. If at any point for any reason you want to leave, just let me know, okay?” he whispered.

“Thank you, Russell, but I believe I will be fine.” Sunil replied ”as long as you stay by meeeEEE” as he was finishing his sentence, Sunil was swept away in a tour of excitable tourists.

Russell tried to follow them but he kept on getting cut off by other visitors. By the time the gallery’s curator began talking, he had completely lost sight of Sunil.

“He’ll… he’ll be fine on his own. I hope”

Russell turned his attention to the speaker to distract himself from his worrying. “And here behind this curtain, we have the pride of our collection; the Pharaoh’s eye. This gem is the only thing that remains of the death mask of a great, nearly forgotten, ruler of ancient Egypt. It has even been said that it can grant the wish of any who hold it” the curator said with a flourish “Of course, that’s just an old wives tale” she said, chuckling along with the audience.

At that time, Russell noticed a few slips of paper fall from the rafters. Confetti? No. it seemed to just be these few pieces. ‘How strange’, thought Russell. He turned back to the curator.

“And now, it’s time to reveal the Pharaoh’s eye,” the curator said gleefully and she pulled the curtain up to reveal an empty case. A wave of shocked gasps came from the crowd.

“You’ll never have the Pharaoh’s eye, Dr. Disguise!” Shouted a voice that seemed somehow familiar to Russell from above.

“Muahahaha!” Laughed the old woman standing next to Russell who pulled off her latex mask to reveal a young woman with an eyepatch and a mirthful grin “Oh, Secret Agent Scout, it’s already in my grasp! If you want it so bad, come and get it!” The woman in the rafters grabbed a hold of one of the decorative vines from the wall and swung into Dr. Disguise causing many audience members to scream and run. Scout picked up the jewel from the knocked down Dr. Disguise and ran out the door, quickly followed by the now recovered villain.

Too shocked to move, Russell was left as one of the only people in the room. He jumped when a hand grabbed his shoulder, but he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was just Sunil.

“You know what you said about leaving any time? I think I would like to leave now.”

“Yes, I do think that that would be for the best”

…

“39, 23, and 176, right?”

“Yes, now put the code in!”

Penny Ling stared at the treasure chest for a second, fingers hovering above the number pad.

“What’s wrong, Penny Ling?” Russell turned from the scrawlings of the ‘ancient mermaid language’ on the cave wall. In reality, they were at the newest attraction of the dying Downtown City mall, the Escape Room. This month, the Escape Room was apparently doing a shipwreck theme. Russell had been wanting to go for a while, but it was Penny who finally invited him.

“It’s just… you’re the one who did most of the work. You should do the honors”

“Penny, it doesn’t matter who does it, I just want to get this done!” When Russell saw Penny begin sniffling, he changed his tone instantly “Not that I’m not having fun! I had a blast! Here, I can do it and then we can split a giant pretzel and an overly sugary lemonade, okay?”

“That sounds like a plan,” Penny said, stepping back and rubbing her eyes.

Russell gave her a reassuring smile and squatted down to open the chest. “39, 23, and 176,” he muttered to himself as he rotated the wheels of the lock. With the final digit, there was a click. Russell put his fingers under the edge of the lid but when he tried to lift the lid, it didn’t budge. He tried again and again, but the top refused to move.

“Are you okay?”

Russell didn’t want to admit it, but he was not particularly strong. Maybe Penny would have a better chance.“Can you try to open the chest?” he asked

She does so. Nothing.

“Well,” Russell starts, feeling his heart begin to race and his jaw begin to clench “That is not good.”

“Maybe you missed a clue?” Penny suggested.

“Missed a clue? MISSED A CLUE??? Penny, enlighten me. Where, exactly, in this 10x10 ft. box could I have missed a clue?”

“Russell, you’re freaking out”

“Of course, I’m freaking out! We are trapped in this room! No way to escape! It’d be one thing if I was here alone, but you’re here too! And now we’re gonna be stuck here forever!” Russell said.

Penny pulled Russell into a hug. Normally, he’d wriggle away after a few seconds, but whenever he was stressed or tired, a hug from Penny Ling always helped. Penny guided Russell over to the captain’s quarters and they sat down. “We aren’t going to be stuck here forever. When the timer runs out, the employee will let us out again”

“Yeah, but-” Russell stopped himself. He felt like a little kid, whining because he couldn’t have what he wanted.

“Mm-hm?” Penny played with his hair as he leaned on her shoulder.

“I mean like… well… If we don’t get out soon… We won’t get the best time,” Russell felt so stupid saying it. “I-I wanted to get that gift card. I wanted to thank you for always being there for me… like you are now,”

“That doesn’t matter to me. I was just happy to be here with you. Now, let’s just rest until the time is up”

“Yeah… ”

---

“Oh…” the teenage worker of the Escape Room said, despite displaying no emotion on her face except boredom “You got tripped up at the treasure chest, too?”

“That thing is totally broken”

“You’ve gotta slide the lid, not pull it up”

“What?”

“We put a sign up and everything,” the worker said, pointing at the sign right next to the chest that did, in fact, say to slide the treasure chest lid. Penny looked at Russell, worried.

“WHAT THE FU-”

…

If you asked Russell Ferguson what his ideal Sunday plans were, he could draft up a list in a matter of minutes, sorted in alphabetical order, of course. One thing that would not be on that list, however, is sitting in the freezing office of a very angry park ranger with a pair of idiots. The only sound was the ticking of the clock echoing on the mahogany walls and tile flooring until one of them spoke up.

“Man, Rusty. I didn’t know you had it in you! I mean, you, smacking a cop? No one’s gonna believe me!” Vinnie said.

“He’s not a police officer! He’s a park ranger! A-and I didn’t smack him, he ran into my hand, while I was trying to stop YOU from fighting him!” Russell tried to defend himself. “And don’t call me Rusty. I’m mad at you right now…” he grumbled the last part as he buried his face in his hands.

Minka looked between her two friends and said “C’mon guys, you don’t need to fight!”

“We’re not!” both protested.

“I’m just trying to lighten the mood,” Vinnie scoffed

A moment of silence.

“You know, I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you two”

“Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t gonna let Minka get yelled at by some random guy”

“She was climbing a statue of the city’s mayor. A statue with a sign at the bottom clearly saying ‘do not climb’!” Russell exclaimed “And he’s not some ‘random guy’, he’s a park ranger who was, you know, doing his job?”

By this point, they were glaring at each other. Minka knew better than to get in their way when they reached this stage of their bickering. It had been a long day for all of them. It was almost a miracle that this was the worst thing that had happened during their little picnic. All of them had just about reached the end of their patience and Minka, despite her normal morals, was fine with the two of them taking it out on each other.

Vinnie rolled his eyes and slumped back into his chair. “You know,” Vinnie said, staring more at the mounted stag head on the wall than who he was talking to, “I don’t think you are being a very good friend right now”

“Why you!” Russell grabbed Vinnie by the collar.

“Are they yours?” a different voice echoed through the hall. 

“Zoe! And Mr. Schmitt, of course!” Russell dropped Vinnie and smiled.

Zoe pinched the bridge of her nose and said “Yes. I’m so sorry for their… misbehavior today. I am sure they didn’t mean any harm, right?” She looked at her friends.

They all shared various words of agreement.

“Well, if you say so.” Mr Schmitt said and addressed the troublemakers “look, I’m not going to report this, but if you ever do anything this stupid again, I will have you punished under the full extent of the law, am I clear?”

“Yessir!” Minka said as she saluted and skipped out of the room, followed by Vinnie and Zoe, leaving Russell behind.

“Sir, I am so incredibly sorry. It will never happen again, I swear,” Russell pleaded.

“Just leave”

“Yes, sir,” Russell said, dragging his feet as he left.

…

“I’m really sorry about yesterday,” Russell repeated himself for the 5th time that day.

“I’ve already told you, I forgive you. Besides, I have a system where each of my friends get one bail from jail free. That reminds me; Minka owes me one.” Zoe said as she got her phone out, probably to tell Minka about her debt.

“But… I feel like I should be doing something for you”

“You’re paying for dinner, isn’t that enough?” Russell opened his mouth to speak but Zoe cut him off “And I won’t have you complaining that it’s ‘not fancy enough for me,’ Any meal with my friend is one I’m happy to have”

They both set down their menus and waited for a waiter to notice them.

“Here are your drinks. Are you ready to order?”

“I’ll be having the village salad” Zoe handed the menu off to the waiter.

“And you?”

“Can I get the veggie gyro? Hold the goat cheese please” Russell did the same.

“Oh! And for appetizers, could we get two saganaki, please?”

“It will be right out”

---

They waited for a few minutes, sipping their drinks and soaking in the atmosphere.

Russell decided to break the silence “So, what is saganaki?”

“It's this delicious fried cheese dish. You will just love it!”

Russell processed for a second. “Zoe. I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Oh. Oh!” She started to get up from her chair “I’ll let the staff know to cancel that order right now,”

“No. I mean, no need. I can have a little dairy, but I’ll be fine as long as I go home like right after this because- wait actually I am not gonna finish that thought”

“Yeah”

Surprisingly, Russell’s digestive issues were not great dinner conversation so the conversation ended there.

In the quiet, Russell began remembering all of his previous outings with his friends. All of them had ended pretty disastrously. Maybe today his bad luck would end. Maybe he could just have a good meal without anything going wrong. With that, he looked up, meeting his eyes with a flame. A fire!

“Watch out!” As fast as he could, Russell threw his water at the fire. When he realized what was actually happening.

“Aah!” the waiter threw the now sizzling cast-iron pan he was holding and it fell onto his dress-choe clad foot “Merde! Putain de merde! How do you say… Motherfucking shit!” he exclaimed, hopping on one foot.

“Oh no… Oh no, oh no, oh no” Russell began to panic. “I’ve gotta get out of here. I’ll just ruin something else if I don’t” he mumbled as he pushed himself out of chair and ran out the door. Zoe looked down at the poor french waiter, and then at the door. She sighed and followed after her friend.

“I’ll be back, I promise” she said to the staff as she rushed out the door.

Russell was hopping in the front seat of his car “Don’t get close. Knowing my luck, you’re just gonna get hurt,”

“Russell. Everyone has bad days, but that’s no excuse to not own up to your mista-

“I’m going to lock myself in my house and never come out. Goodbye Zoe.”

With that, he sped off.

“Russell Ferguson! Come back here!!! Russell, you’re my ride!!!” She frantically waved at him and tried to chase him down.

As he drove further and further, Zoe stopped running. “I hope he’s not being serious,”

…

“He was being 100% serious,” Zoe explained.

“Maybe he’s just taking a five day long nap? I’ve done that before” Vinnie said, reaching for the pizza boxes.

Sunil swatted his hand away “Vinnie, that was a coma.”

“Oh, yeah that's what they called it”

“If he’s in a coma, then we really need to hurry up!” Penny said, starting to speed walk ahead of the group.

“Uh, Penny? I don’t think he’s actually in a coma,” Pepper explained.

“Then why hasn't he called me back yet?” Penny Ling turned back around to the group with misty eyes.

“Because he hates us?” Vinnie suggested, which earned him a jab in the ribs from Pepper.

Zoe shook her head and walked up the steps to Russell’s apartment building. “Would you guys please get it together? This is important,” She went to press the doorbell before being interrupted by Minka

“Oooh! Oooh! Let me do it, LET ME DO IT!!”

“It’s all yours”

And so she rang the doorbell in a way some might call excessive.

A few muffled stops and clicks came from behind the door. In the crack of the heavily latched door, there was a single, tired eye.

“You aren’t doordash.” the door began to close, but Minka put her whole weight against the door.

“Nuh-uh, Mister. You aren’t getting off the hook that easily”

“You want food? We have pizza! Sunil! Show him the pizza” Zoe hissed. Sunil did so and Russell stopped pushing on the door.

“Fine,”

After about a minute unfastening various locks, Russell held out his hands to receive the pizza, but was met by six people scurrying into his house while the door was open, knocking him over in the process.

Russell just sat there on the ground, his friends eyes staring through his skin. He didn’t want to be seen like this. His clothes were stained and ill-fitting. His eyes were red and sore from lack of sleep. He hadn't shaved in days, and worst of all, his hair was greasy and unspiked. He felt disgusting. He wanted to curl into a ball and disappear, but the best he could do was bring his knees to his chest and bury his head in his arms.

Somehow, he grumbled out some words “What are you guys even doing here”

“Russell Ferguson,” Zoe addressed him “We want to know- no we need to know, why you have been ignoring us for the last week.”

Russell looked up at the group, thought for a second, and shriveled away once more.

Penny walked closer and sat on the shag carpet right next to him. She put a gentle hand on his quaking back. “Russell, what she means is we’re worried about you! When you didn’t talk to us, we got really scared. Vinnie thought you died!”

“I didn’t think he died! I thought he was in a comma!”

“Coma.” Zoe corrected

“Whatever”

“Look, that isn’t what’s important right now” Pepper said, sitting criss-cross across from Russell. “Just let us know what’s up, and we’ll leave you alone, okay?”

The others looked at each other and joined the circle. Russell shifted his weight from side to side, but didn’t emerge from his ball.

“I… I can’t hang out with you anymore. I only cause problems. I take things too far. I’m bossy. I can’t take a joke,” his voice started to break, scratchy from no use “I’m the fucking worst. A-and I can’t understand why you don’t hate me,”

“C’mon, you know it would take a whole lot more than that to make us hate you” Minka said as she ruffled his hair.

“And you are saying this like we don’t all have our own faults! Pepper is unfunny, Zoe is totally self-absorbed, Vinnie is-” Sunil stopped when he saw the looks he was getting. He flushed and cleared his throat “I do believe I made my point,”

“Besides, I had a lot of fun hanging out with you, even if it did end with us getting chased down!” Pepper said.

“I think you should punch more cops!” Vinnie added. Pepper readied her elbow for another rib-jabbing when a quiet chuckle came from Russell. Soon it changed from a chuckle to a chortle to a full on laugh, lifting his head up to see the world again. “Hahaha! How many times are you gonna change that story! Soon I’m gonna be having a full on brawl with the police chief!”

He looked at his friends’ expressions of confusion and cheer and somehow, he began to feel more normal. “Thank you all so much, and I’m really sorry for acting the way I did-” before Russell could finish his thought he was engulfed in what could be described as half a tackle and half a group hug.

“Who’s ready for pizza?” Penny Ling asked, after a few good moments of the impromptu dogpile cuddle session.

“PIZZA!” the group collectively yelled, pushing and tripping over each other to be the first to get to the food.

Russell was left alone, brushing himself off. He looked at them all and smiled. ‘Maybe tonight won’t be so bad after all’, he thought.

The End

------

WOOOHOOO it's finished!

I know this isn't the greatest literary work of all time, but I'm proud of myself for actually completing and posting a fic for once in my life. Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this ^_^

[pprodsuga]

HOLY SHIT, the new seung fic was a masterpiece LIKE. i loved the group dynamics so much they were amazing, the whole yn and hoon conversations had me so emotional man LIKE HOLY SHIT!!! he was emotionally constipated btw but he redeemed himself fr like! I loved his confession and the fact that they didn't jump right into everything but took it slowly! HOLY SHIT YET AGAIN THE FUCKIN?? I GASPED i love how it was so dirty and nasty but at the same the love and adoration was there!! 10/10 at the sharing of fantasies and all that was so cute like the clearly have been waiting for years and thought about it for so long!! JAY THE BEST DUDE Ngl!!

woahh this fic was so amazing the build up and the dynamics and the whole "miscommunication and talking about feelings is hard even though we thought it would never be" WAS SO YCUDKCJVJFJ LOVED LOVED LOVED

THANK UUU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS I'm in love with this and ur brain wow just wow i loved!!! loved!! it!!!

💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

definitely gonna reread this unhealthy numbers of times

Hi hi!! This message brought such a smile to my face. :’) thank you for taking the time to send me your thoughts.

This is my first time attempting at writing a piece where eight people have to interact with each other and I’m really glad it comes off as natural. I originally had a difficult time drafting this until this past weekend, where I just went absolutely ham and finished it within two days.

I really love stories where I know I have to continue reading in order for me to get to where I want to be emotionally, and I believe all good stories that deal with miscommunication need to let that ruminate before we resolve things.

Thank you for reading 🩷

[choices-binglebonkus]

Top Ten Books/Series I forgot existed

So this has been sitting in my drafts for like a month or two and I just got an ask that made me want to actually post it. I think I made this simply because I was bored, couldn’t sleep, and enjoy making lists, so I decided to make a top ten list featuring books/series that I totally forgot about because…they’re just forgettable, no two ways about it. Because let’s be real here: there are great Choices books, there are terrible Choices books, and there are Choices books that are like…hey…hi…I’m just kinda here.

10. Shipwrecked. PLEASE do not quote me on this, but I *think* it released sometime this past year. Honestly most of the reason this book suffered was due to the lack of interesting characters, or characters in general because off the top of my head all I can remember are the MC, the LI, Dr. Hale, and the LI’s old business partner but I can’t even remember their name at this point. Hell, I can’t even remember much of the plot, and even after playing a chapter I remember forgetting almost everything about it pretty much immediately.

9. Wishful Thinking. I actually quite liked this book. It was lighthearted and pretty fun during a time where we needed some lightheartedness to balance out the more intense/angsty book releases. But unfortunately, the plot itself was kinda meh, and since it was a standalone, there was no real reason to remember it. Even worse, this book began the unfortunate trend of reusing background characters as MC’s “close friends”.

8. Foreign Affairs. Remember when FA was announced and, the dumbasses that we were, we were all convinced it would save the fandom from the book drought? Yeah…it feels like such a distant memory now. The book seemed really, really promising. And it could have been. But holy hell, it was executed so poorly and the premise of the plot was so flimsy. What I once thought would be a great book is now one of the ones I just squint at when I remember it even exists.

7. A Very Scandalous Proposal. I’ve talked about this one a little bit before. The main appeal of AVSP was Simon/Ava. If you didn’t like them? Tough shit, buddy. The main goal of the book was to uncover the secrets of the Montjoy family. Unfortunately, PB didn’t give us a reason to care about or find interest in said Montjoy family, which is probably why the book faded from my memory so quick.

6. Passport to Romance. This is kind of a weird one for me. I forget it exists most of the time, but then when I do remember it, I remember how truly terrible it was, while most of the other books on this list aren’t very fresh in my memory. It was so unimpressive, bland, and the characters were tolerable at best and obnoxious at worst (ELLIOT LANGDON).

5. Rising Tides. The book was okay…but it pushed a generic “save the earth” message while forcing us to pay to clean the town. The MC was a sidekick in her own story which would’ve been fine, but Charlie was such an annoying character that it wasn’t even enjoyable. Also, the Big Bads conceded waaaaay too easily at the end. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I forgot about this book in less than a week after the final chapter aired.

4. Witness: A Bodyguard Romance. Believe it or not, despite how awful this book was, I forgot about it pretty quickly. It could’ve been a really cool story, but it focused too heavily on romance when the MC and Cassian’s lives were on the line quite literally at every second. Other than that…I truthfully do not remember much about this book other than the Irish mob.

3. Ms. Match. This book was decent enough and it didn’t stop releasing until that long ago. However, the plot was one of those “fight to reach the top and win the competition” plots which quite frankly have been overdone in Choices for a few years now. Not to mention, there weren’t a lot of interesting characters except for Maggie and maaaaaybe the MC’s dad but that’s pushing it a little. The reason it’s so high on this list is because it didn’t end that long ago, yet I can’t seem to remember a damn thing about the book, other than that I HATED the love interest.

2. Home for the Holidays. Many moons ago, this was considered one of the worst, if not, THE worst, book in Choices. And many moons ago, I agreed. But the horrific mediocrity of this holiday flurry of fuck was outshined by some truly awful stories and simply faded into obscurity.

1. Sunkissed. As I made this list, I scrolled through the series on the app, and while most books on this list elicited an “oh yeah, I kinda remember this” from me, when I saw this one, I was like “holy shit, I completely forgot this book was even a thing”. While Home For the Holidays and Sunkissed are both sort of (for lack of a better word) Hallmark-y, Sunkissed was longer and, in my opinion, a little sloppier. The book just wasn’t sure what it wanted to be. A lighthearted summer beach romance? A tale of a family’s struggles with grief and interpersonal conflict in the wake of a father and husband’s untimely death? Fuck it, we’ll uncomfortably cram BOTH into the main plot, execution be damned!

[imissthefire]

well gods damn it all, I'm in part 4 finally and haven't said a word since I started, but hrjskajdks I have so many thots and feelings. under the cut because it's meaningless rambling but if u feel like reading then that's chill

First one being WHERE IS MY BABYGIRL (I know I get him soon but I'm still annoyed that I've had to wait so long and I miss him) second, why the FUCK is pelleas. Like. Just why. Why he? For the first 2/3rds of his presence, I wanted to drop kick his ass to hatari but eventually he went from being a fucking loser (derogatory) to a fucking loser (affectionate) and now... yeah. it's my first playthroygh, I could not save him and was unfortunately very upset by his dumbass sacrificing himself without reading the fine print. And then mommy almedha finding out her dumbass precious son died for naught but also it's fine, he was clinically stupid so it wasn't an unforeseen scenærio. Can't believe iz*ka found The Most Pathetic Little Guy and said "yeah, yeah, he's gonna be the next king" like I know he wanted someone easy to gaslight and manipulate and all that jazz but holy mother of FUCK could he not have found somebody with like even an ounce of confidence or self-preservation 😭 it did work out tho for almedha tho seeing as her aggressive need to mother hen the hell out of a child paired very well with how helpless and less-than-with-it pelly was. If only her son was a genius mage with a hunk of a bf and not a pathetic limp noodle mage with a lowkey cute crush on miccy, but alas, this is my first playthrough therefore those dots will remain unconnected ✊🏼😔 but got damg. Also, insanely silly of kurthy to be all :( I love my sister and dead brother who sacrificed everything for our nephew who is now also dead :((( when he's actually very much alive and well, like, two tents over. Crazy stuff, man, truly.

And damg don't even get me started on how fucking stressful drafting the armies was because I spent over an hour on it and I just got to the 2nd chapper with the elincibarn army and I realise now that I made a Big Mistake because they're so underpowered 😭 I made so many mistakes drafting that but at least I was locked with tibs AND ranran, both of whom have been pretty great so I have hope that between them, elincia and the LBGs (I assume b*stian will join us at some point (I need to complete the LGB(E) gang, it's imperative to our success)) things will be manageable.

Meanwhile, I put too much thought into the silver army or whatever miccy's is called and it was Still Absolute Ass! Slaysala carried along with skrimscram and mordy (and a shit tonne of olivi grass) the majority of the battle. that feathery slut only got hit, like, maybe 5 times? Powerful birdy, fucked up morally but also fucks severely on the battlefield so I'll forgive him and trust him bc he can't really betray us given how almost everyone else has been dwayned (rock) so they can't really buy his treachery. I also think he'd have perchance just enough self-preservation and sense to NOT side with the same ppl trying to kill everyone, thus nullifying the possibility of saving everybody, which includes Kilvans, which is actually quite understandable. It gives a bit of a sov rudolf vibe in that rudy knew that with his little green-haired secret prince with a brand that complicates his life without him realising it for like 17 years who was whisked away at birth/a very young age to live like a peasant voiced (in english) by kyle mccarley (gatekeeper must have one hell of a backstory) that along with his antithesis (anthieseses if you will) would unite zofia and rigel but in order to trigger that unity, he had to lean hard into being a bit fucked up and evil etc etc this isn't what that's about tho, I just am trying to justify why I think naenaesala isn't a completely iredeemable piece of garbage idk idk bottom line, rudolf had to suck but it was for the best of his people and naesala is a dick but does it with his people in mind and I think that's understandable. Doesn't justify or excuse his actions, but it sure gives important perspective to them. But anyway, everyone else in the silver army is lowkey dogshit ahaha I'm Fighting For My Life with these units, man. Snaki has been decent, (her lesbian mums do be pulling through as well) but she's also for some reason got the absolute worst luck with getting hit when enemy hit rate is <20% and either dying or coming damn near close. I know mages are squishy and aren't supposed to get hit but bro, she got hit by a 3% and fucking died when I was nearly through the map 😭

On the flipside, fortunately the gmercs and friends slay absolute penis, ike and soren alone can take like a dozen men at once (in a fight) and come out pretty much unscathed. sor's real good at dodging and having flare AND adept activate almost every second hit, so homeboy's keeping himself going easy peasy. And ike's just out here throwing his giant sword at bitches, also healing, but hella dealing (damage) ugh, power couple and neither get range locked so they can kill every last one of them which is quite nice. I'll send them into the fray and they have their cute little support *klboomph* bonus so they got that avo and other stuff idk I didn't look at it that hard.

I will say tho that the combining of the inventories was an absolute blessing holy shit man, I was fighting for my life between having next to no funds in any of the armies and running out of shit but having extra of what I need for one team on another and vice versa. truly a blessing that I can just hand stuff back and forth, only issue is i can't snag anything if it's with someone in another of the armies but I just keep units I'm not using on a map unarmed and empty-handed otherwise. Works out pretty well if I'm being perfectly candid, friend. Anyway, I'm gonna leave my absurdly long update at that otherwise this would be even longer and worse. Since I know babygirl shows up in ch3 with miccy and the gang, I apologise in advance for the impending thristposting. I'm holding myself back from being horny on main over several ppl but stefan, man, he just *chef's kiss* makes my brain go buckwild.

[camels-pen]

danny phantom young justice crossover fic that starts with the losing their memories in Bialya mission (Bereft), but because something something ghosts, M'gann can't help Danny get his memories back and he has to get them back naturally.

In DP canon, everything up to and including TUE has happened, and no one died. After the events of this episode however, Danny decided he was tired of hiding his ghost half from his parents and wanted to tell them the truth, but omitting the part about being Phantom just in case.

It didn't go well so he ends up living with Vlad and telling him about Dan.

The Team and the League don't know he's a halfa, but they do know he lives with a 'creepy old Dracula wannabe that's kinda okay sometimes'. They were worried at first, but Danny assured them that everything was cool between them.

He especially made sure Batman and Robin knew that despite the guy being evil in the past, he was trying to be good now and was one of very few people that could take care of him. He didn't need two detectives looking into Plasmius and then falling down a rabbit hole leading to articles about the mysterious disappearance of Daniel Fenton. So he did his best to downplay Plasmius' schemes and make him seem like a competent guardian while also playing up the fact that they're ghosts so certain standards might be different than human standards.

However, this Danny, the one with 6 months amnesia, remembers his last encounter with Vlad being that the fruitloop put a million dollar bounty on his head. This Danny just finished rescuing the kids at his school from Spectra's ghost bugs. This Danny was supposed to be waiting on the curb with a bunch of other students for their parents to come pick them up.

In human form.

So when he wakes up alone in the middle of a desert he's never seen before and in ghost form, he panics. Big time.

For some reason an image of a tent stuck out to him along with a green skinned girl. Danny immediately thinks Freakshow somehow broke out of prison, fixed his staff, and controlled him again which would lead to a whole other issue because the last thing he remembered was being surrounded by people. People who would've seen him acting weird despite the fact that the 'ghost flu' should be out of his system. And considering he could remember hearing the obnoxious sound of the Fenton Ghost Assault Vehicle's horn just down the street, his parents no doubt noticed.

And that begged the question, did he transform in front of them?

He was going to spiral more, but the same girl in his head flew down and brought him out of it. He fought her at first until he noticed his ghost sense never went off and ends up following her to find their supposed teammates.

Partway through their flight, Danny started floating lower and lower before realizing he's nearly out of energy and liable to revert back to human form if he uses much more.

M'gann levitates him the rest of the way to Kid Flash and Artemis. They help out Robin and when M'gann brings them into that mindscape place they find out about the roadblock with Danny's mind/memories. The others try to jog his memory as much as possible, but after several firm denials and finally finding Aqualad, they have to leave it for later.

The episode goes more or less the same without much changes after that, but when they return to the Cave, there's a laundry list of issues that Danny has to go through.

The apparent fact that he lives with Vlad Plasmius being at the top of that list.

So, to avoid Vlad and because he has a bad feeling about returning to FentonWorks, Danny ends up staying at Mount Justice for the time being.

After debriefing and a checkup from Red Tornado, he hits the showers with the others feeling exhausted and worried out of his mind for his friends and family. When he takes off the top of his jumpsuit and glimpses himself in a mirror though, all of his thoughts are directed towards the large Y shaped scar on his chest.

At this point, Danny becomes incredibly paranoid because he has no clue who could've done that- he doesn't know the GIW that well so he doesn't think of them and he didn't want to think about the only likely people being his parents. Thus, he does what comes easy.

Blame Vlad.

This begins a long week and a half of Danny staying at the Mountain and blocking every call that comes to his phone.

He had a feeling that Vlad would buy multiple new phones in an attempt to contact him (he's right) and if it weren't for the fact that he was declining Vlad's calls instead of letting them ring, he has a feeling the fruitloop would tear Amity apart looking for him.

Vlad does eventually storm Mount Justice as Plasmius and it's a whole confusing mess that ends with him stuck in a thermos while trying to explain his and Danny's living situation.

Danny refuses to believe that he left his home of his own free will to stay with Vlad and Vlad hints towards Danny having a bad identity reveal without mentioning his halfa status. Danny's trying to convince himself and the others that his parents love him and that they would never hurt him, but then Vlad drops the bomb.

-

"They should love all parts of you, Daniel. You can't just let them pick and choose, especially not for something like this."

"They do love me! They-"

"For ancients' sake, you told them you were a ghost and they cut you open!"

Danny's breath hitched and he stared at the thermos with wide eyes. The rest of the Team were watching with poorly hidden worry. "H-How did you-?"

Vlad sighed and in a quieter voice he said, "Who do you think did your stitches?"

-

[ca-3]

Sakuya Watanuki is a Gay Character and Here's Why I Think so 🌈💚 (Part 2)

Since my first post was getting very long, I decided to make a part 2 post and because I was still in hyperfixation mode when saving these in my drafts weeks ago lol 😂

(Part 1 here btw)

More OVA/Anime moments:

I personally think that while Sleepy Life of Servamp is usually meant to be funny, (well lots of bonus content is very funny in Servamp lmao) but SLS 3 had a surprisingly bittersweet moment of Sakuya thinking about calling Mahiru when he couldn't reach Tsubaki. Unfortunately he didn't end up calling him, but he thinks about Mahiru instead.

Just look at his smile when he thinks about Mahiru 💚

Also Sakuya's face when he thinks about memories with Tsubaki vs. his memories with Mahiru, there's definitely some bias there...

again I know SLS is supposed to be funny usually, but Sakuya truly does always smiles his brightest whenever he's with Mahiru or even just near him.

Also Sakuya abandoning Tsubaki's side to go see Mahiru in Sleepy Life of Servamp #3 with zero hesitation... I swear Sakuya's confidence just fluctuates back and forth in everything he's in,, WHAT IS THE TRUTH TBH?

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Speaking of Sakuya smiling his brightest around Mahiru... Sakuya is usually frowning or grumpy most of the time as we all know.

So I think it's very sweet Mahiru makes Sakuya smile so much ✨

Sakuya almost always has to be touching Mahiru it seems. Usually in the form of his arm being around Mahiru or even just on a hand on him. I swear Sakuya does this more than any other character Mahiru is close with...like I can't even fit all the images where he does this with Mahiru. It's just an undeniable observation. Sakuya enjoys Mahiru's presence that much 💚

This is a bit of my own personal opinion here, but I think Sakuya's "class clown persona" wasn't just a fake persona. I genuinely believe Mahiru just naturally brought out that side of him. From what we could see from their first meeting Sakuya wasn't super friendly right away and wasn't seeking out any longer term friendship. I think he feels like he can be the person he wants to actually be when he's with Mahiru. It's both a beautiful thing and a tragic flaw I feel like.

Putting the rest of these other moments/thoughts under "keep reading" because holy shit, when will Sakuya's pining for Mahiru end anyways?

Land of Nod/Tananka Box events:

Parallel Summer had plenty of moments of Sakuya's blatant favoritism towards Mahiru (x)

for example:

In the fishing contest Sakuya tries to give all his fish to Mahiru, but Mahiru said it would be "too unfair".

Sakuya ditches Tsubaki and Belkia to be on Mahiru's team in beach volleyball and also protects Mahiru from getting hit.

More of a Mahiru thing, but Mahiru sees a shooting game stand and asks Sakuya to go win him a prize cause Sakuya is good at those kinds of games apparently. They play together instead 💕At the very end of Parallel Summer, Mahiru admits he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss Sakuya.

Mahiru and Sakuya play with sparklers on the beach together, Sakuya tries to write out something for Mahiru to read with the sparklers but Mahiru doesn't understand it. (I also really want to know what he was trying to say there 👁) there's also a bittersweet moment about a false memory here too, but Mahiru isn't upset at all even though Sakuya feels very bad about it.

^^^ This is a really good and important moment I think. Because it's sometimes a wonder about how Mahiru really feels about the whole fake memories thing.

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There was a 2019 Valentine's event that was like a visual novel so you the player could pretend to go on a date with your fave Servamp character by giving them chocolate 💝

but... you might have been a bit disappointed if you were looking forward to Sakuya completely focusing on you the whole time... while Sakuya is mostly polite to you on this short date, upon meeting with you he will mention he only came because Tsubaki told him too. (wow real charming Sakkun) He will take you to a shop and will proceed to talk about how he used to go there with Mahiru and yeah... he doesn't talk about anything else just as much it feels like. (x)

Sakuya: “I wonder if Mahiru’s doing well. I used to go to this shop a lot with Mahiru after school. Mahiru had his first monjayaki here, is what he told me. He looked happy and he was having fun.”

Its kind of funny how almost everything seems to somehow fall back to Mahiru with him... But as much as I adore SakuMahi, I can still definitely see this bugging Sakuya fans who probably didn't want that kind of interaction with their fave character. Again that's just what I think.

I think Strike maybe thought Sakuya fans probably didn't want their Sakuya route to be him talking about Mahiru for like half of it(?) The routes are already super short after all. But in the 2021 White Day event, Sakuya focuses only on you now and even holds your hand at the end, so that's nice 💕 (x)

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and now for my personal favorite, the 2019 Servamp Halloween Land of Nod event. Another one of those visual novel like games that Strike made for us, but you can trick or treat your fave characters and try to get several endings/routes.

(Small disclaimer: all the translations for this event are rough ones that I got from a friend of mine who was kind enough to share with me at the time, so I have no real source to link and I only have a few lines of dialouge from it here BUT I LOVED THESE MOMENTS SO MUCH I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM 😭❤✨)

On the Melancholy route, you can meet up with Sakuya along the way and if you give him a treat you will eventually ask him if he's planning to invite anyone to the party and who do you think Sakuya plans on asking to go with him??? Take a wild guess.

Sakuya: "uh...well…there's this Halloween party..at Tsubaki's…and uh….."

You: "So, are you planning on inviting anyone?"

Sakuya: "!!! Ah...well... um.…I thought of inviting Mahiru...But I know the relationship between Tsubaki and Mahiru is... well..."

Yes. Sakuya wants to ask Mahiru to come. But he's afraid to ask. Since its hosted by Tsubaki, Sakuya is worried Mahiru will be uncomfortable because of that.

There's a brief moment where Sakuya remembers a time in the last year when he and Mahiru were still in school and how Mahiru used to always bake cookies for him, Koyuki, and Ryuusei.

Sakuya: "I'm not sure why I just remembered that story but….. I wish I could do that again……"

I love this route so much because you have the option to encourage Sakuya to ask Mahiru. Also it's pretty cute how timid Sakuya seems here, he really does let his guard down when it comes to Mahiru.

You: "It'd be okay to invite him, you know…"

Sakuya: "………!! You really think so…?"

You: "Yes, I think so."

Sakuya: "I…..I see... so it's really okay….? "Hm….. I'll think of something…. I'll go look for Mahiru….. Then, I'll see you at Tsubaki-san's party. Happy Halloween. Have a good night."

Mahiru does say yes to Sakuya (although off screen, cause who knows how gay that would have been) and he even makes cookies for the party!

That's just the gist of this one though, again I had a friend who translated those small parts for me and I had to dig for them again, but unfortunately the rest is literally lost in translation cause there isn't full translations for all the Halloween routes and other extra dialogues. (and if there is feel free to correct me)

All I know is that Sakuya and Mahiru do talk a bit, there's a small joke about how they haven't seen each other in the main story for awhile(haha real funny Strike 😭)

Something along the lines of:

Mahiru: "We haven’t even seen each other much in the comics lately." (something about being "enemies" too yada yada)

Sakuya: "Ah, yes~ Your retorts are so on point that I feel so at ease…"

Mahiru: "Well, don’t! I don’t care anymore! Here, have some cookies!!"

Some other things happen that I don't know the full context of,, but Sakuya does thank you for your help after the party too and invites you to another party(?)

Also Sakuya made sure the menu full of Mahiru's favorite foods... my goodness he likes him so much.

That's all I can provide from what was shared with me. The rest once again is all lost in translation. If there is eventually a good translation I'll update this hehe.

I really wish there was more I can say though, I want to know all the other details for the Melancholy party. All I know that going down this route leads to the party being a success and everyone has fun but yeah only able to get rough translations there. Which is why I saved this one for last.

I could talk about some other random Sakuya stuff but I feel like other smaller stuff I'm thinking of don't help my point really 😂 (unless y'all want a part 3 or something, I kind of want to talk about what I think of Mahiru's pov of Sakuya... But we'll see I'm sure you're sick of me now lol.)

If you read this whole thing you're just as obsessed as me now, congrats 🎉🎉🎉 and thank you! 💚

✨🌈Happy Pride Month!!! 🌈✨

[astrangergivingthestrangewelcome]

Jonmina First Time Headcanons (TW for Sexual Assault Talk)

@catwingsathena ok ok yes I do so as I have said on here before I do believe that Jonathan was raped by Dracula at his castle. I just, I read the book and it seemed to be staring at me in between the lines and all the silences in his journal entries and I really think it happened. Probably more than once, probably pretty horribly, he was there for 2 months and he barely updates all of June. And I really think any account of Jonathan and Mina's sex life that I would want to read would need to factor this in bc I think Jonathan has PTSD about it.

I think the first sexual act that Jonathan successfully completes would be eating Mina out. It's something he can have control of, he can do it clothed, etc. I have this image in my mind of Mina wanting to grab a fistful of his hair but knowing it would trigger him and instead sort of petting it instead and I imagine Jonathan down there feeling her do it and thinking she loves me. She knows what would hurt me and she's not doing it. And that just turns him on more. And when Mina did finally orgasm it would be this huge moment of triumph bc while I think that Jonathan would be bothered by his own sexual frustration I think he would feel absolutely miserable about Mina's, like I think he'd be thinking to himself "it's one thing if I'm broken forever but she became my wife and she's so hot and she deserves to be made love to and what kind of a man am I if I can't do that." Under any circumstances Jonathan would enjoy eating Mina out but there's this joy and also relief in this first time because Jonathan did it! He did it! He made Mina come, she called out his name, he satisfied her. And I think it makes him feel worth something. I think he goes to sleep that night thinking "well at least I can do that right. At least I can give that to her."

I also think that Mina keeps on suggesting masturbation and Jonathan keeps on rejecting it. Both of them seem pretty Victorian to me, and I think Jonathan feels like it's bad and disrespectful to go off and touch himself when he has a beautiful wonderful sexy ass wife sleeping in his bed. Not doing it is kind of this toxic punishment kind of thing for himself where it's this cycle of "if I'm too broken to make love to my own wife then I don't deserve to feel any sexual pleasure". Mina is sitting there like "do not pin that on me, I'm not saying that, I think it would help you" but he just can't take her advice he's too damaged to.

I think in the end he does it while in bed with her where she is stroking his hair and whispering dirty things in his ears. I do fully believe that eventually there is no sex act that they can't do but I think that stuff like penetration takes a lot of time. Years.

Something I think about a lot is it's 1897 and World War I is 1914-1918 and they have a son. And like. If they were to get busy immediately after the novel then Quincey would be born in 1898 and be poised to get drafted in the midst of the war and could easily be killed. But if Jonathan and Mina had Quincey in like 1901, and it took them that long bc Jonathan has PTSD and he needed time before he could do sex acts that would result in children, like how would that feel. For Jonathan and Mina. What kind of divine intervention would that feel like. Boys are coming back dead and shellshocked for life and Quincey is spared this horrible fate because of the horrible fate his father was obligated to go through??? What if the war ended months before Quincey turned 18. Like what is the emotion Jonathan and Mina Harker would feel. I've always liked to imagine that this is how it happened, partially bc I don't want to think about Quincey Harker fighting in World War I, but also bc I just go feral imagining Jonathan looking at his living and untraumatized son and thinking "oh holy shit it was worth it it was worth it it was so worth it."