#you wanna know why I like the Lone Ranger so much? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chaoxfix · 2 years ago

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Hey, i might be wrong but i think i remember you making a post for international women's day, and in it you said that you went through a period of thinking you werent a woman at all but then realised you were actually a lesbian. I just wanted to ask how you figured it out? I cant figure out if im a trans guy or a lesbian and I'm sort of desperate for guidance rn. Sorry this is a bit out of the blue and i totally get it if you dont wanna talk about it. Hope you're having a good day and take care!

ah, this is definitely a tough one, so please know that wherever your journey takes you i hope you find happiness and peace! im also not the end-all-be-all and im also not the sexuality and gender police. people can have similar experiences and feelings and still end up using different terminology and understanding themselves completely in a way that's totally different from one another, so please don't feel the need to use my experience as a roadmap for yourself.

under the cut in case discussion of sexuality and gender is triggering! genuinely, for my trans followers especially, please don't feel the need to look at this if it's something you would be uncomfortable reading. my journey definitely doesn't need to be yours.

in the end there are a few important details for why i ended up thinking i was a guy, or at least nonbinary

grew up evangelical christian and never really believed or felt the faith i was 'supposed' to feel. i also had trouble connecting with my family since they earnestly did believe it. i felt like a stranger in my own home, and worried that someday they'd disown me. i was also terrified of hell, and of 'sinning'. (making mistakes - see 4)

realized i liked girls when i was 12 and not only did i not know much about being gay aside from it being a 'sin', every girl in my grade talked so much about crushes when we were 12 that i felt super isolated from them as a peer group. due to 1 (the evangelical thing) i also grew up knowing my expectation in god's eyes was to be a christian wife and mom someday, and even aside from the 'sin' aspect and the disowning aspect, realizing i liked girls and didnt really like boys, the evangelical ideal for me was suddenly so, so terrifying.

i believed i was a tomboy growing up, but ultimately had to play with mostly feminine toys bc thats what i was given. i wanted to play with my brother but i was often left behind. i had a pretty lonely childhood and associated close friendships with my brother and his friends, not me and the other girls on the playground. when i was really little my best friend was a boy who stopped being friends with me because 'girls cant play power rangers or star wars' so that was probably pretty impactful on my psyche.

i was terrified of making mistakes due to my evangelical upbringing. because i didnt have faith i was so, so terrified of anything i did that could be considered wrong. i wanted to banish everything i'd ever done wrong, even the tiniest misstep, from everyone's memory as well as my own.

i grew up feeling guilty for any of my accomplishments because i was compared favorably to my brother and instead of feeling proud of myself, i felt like the worst person alive if i was being used as 'motivation' or a 'positive example.'

i wanted so badly to be respected by peers. but there were instances where i was told at like. debate teams. 'wow, i thought you were just here to look pretty'

an older trans friend told me he wished he'd known he was trans at my age so he wouldn't have wasted so much time, and told me i was probably trans too because he'd been just like me a few years ago, and that i should get started on social transition so it'd be easier to transition medically when i was older

i had a lot of tomboy interests, and grew up really enjoying mostly 'boy' cartoons. i also really wanted to get into parkour and obstacle courses and the punk scene, which had mostly guys where i lived

i really, really, really hated myself. i would try to reinvent myself every time i moved, but no matter what, i was still myself wherever i went -- awkward, shy, smart and interesting but always puts my foot in my mouth eventually. the only way to avoid that would be to completely change myself. every memory i had, i wanted to get rid of and replace with one from someone better.

i hated my name and body and face and personality and voice and hobbies. everything that's hardest to change, i hated viscerally.

so basically, those were the top 10 reasons i thought i was trans. ultimately, i ended up not being trans. but i thought i was for the better part of 5 years, closer to 6 altogether. i went by a gender neutral name for most of that time. every day i went by that name i was convinced that someday it'd actually feel like me, and i'd feel better for changing my name. but it never really happened. but i still hated my birth name, too, so... what was the issue? i couldnt figure it out, and was so, so anxious about it.

well, turns out the issue was reasons 9 and 10. i hated myself. and that issue was caused by 1. all of it ties back to being raised evangelical christian.

ultimately, ive been dealing with handling my depression and self-hate and anxiety. and i realized that, for me, trying to be a boy, or at least not a girl, was part of me just wanting to destroy myself in any way i could.

when i was 12, i wanted to kill myself, or at least do it by 18. when i was 14, i was presented with the option of reinventing myself as a completely different person. that seemed like the better option. but i think, overall, i didn't need to destroy anything or become someone completely different.

in the end, i don't hate myself for believing i was trans for 5+ years. i wasn't correct in my assessment of myself, but obsessing over it wouldn't really do any good at this point, so i try not to overthink it. im just sad that i didnt address the actual issues i had, and instead blanketed over them with the wrong solution.

the reason i don't see myself as nonbinary or trans anymore is because i was using it to fix the problem that i thought i had, not the problem i actually did. to me, even though i sincerely believed i was at the time, i think it was a way to not be the definition of woman that my parents had. (also, especially when i'd been assaulted at a pretty young age, as soon as i was starting to 'look like a woman' it felt safer to not become one...)

anyways. i think what i needed to do all along was just hate myself less, and try to like myself more.

that's hard to do. but it came in time, with focusing on hobbies that i genuinely enjoy. making connections and friendships that i felt seen and appreciated in, not just tolerated. pushing back on my family's views. understanding that being a woman doesn't have to mean settling down with a husband and having kids. it also meant finding jobs and careers that i feel like the best version of myself in, where i feel like im doing something good for both myself and others. and trying not to base my style or my appearance on how others would view me, but instead of how i wanted to view myself.

i hope this helps you sort through your thoughts!

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horatio-fig · 2 years ago

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The Mandalorian Season 3, Episode 1 - The Apostate.

I never do these ‘My thoughts on’ posts coz I figured no one cares, but Don't knock it til you try it, I guess. Here are some thoughts I had watching it -

An Alligator ruined that kids little party so I will be calling the covenants new planet ‘Space Florida’ until told otherwise.

Did Din see they were in trouble and rush in to save them, or did he sit back and watch for a while as he tried to remember if this was part of the ceremony.

When The Armorer first said the whole ‘bathe in the living waters’ thing and Din was like ‘but there’s no water?’ I thought it was Mandalorian Idiom like ‘when pigs fly’

I low key hope there are no waters and Din has to realise the only think that makes him Mandalorian are the friends he made along the way or something like that.

I love the Purrgil (I could do without everyone who recognises them from Rebels acting like they’re the only person who’s seen Rebels however) I just love Star Wars, so anything remotely related to the world of Star Wars and I'll lose my shit. If I see a Loth-cat, I hear the word caf, if they reuse a planet, I love it.

They gentrified the pirate cove. The bastards.

Of all the side quests Din has been offered ‘become a Thane of Nevarro, you can even purchase a house’ is my favourite.

The episode paused to give us a truly batshit ‘let me drink in the school’ Monty Python sketch and I request they do this once an episode.

I saw a lot of articles demanding to know what happened to Cara Dune but honestly, they all had the same energy as my Grandma asking ‘are you still friends with Susan from your year 9 English class?’ Like, we worked on a group project years ago and last I saw she was posting shitty all lives matter takes on Facebook.

Considering the First Order is kind of supposed to be a look at this right wing resurgence. (The enemies where once nazis and now they're angsty little white boys who wanna be nazis) it could have been interesting to have Greef be like ‘hey you still friends with Cara?’ and Din go ‘she started saying stuff like ‘I don't always agree with the First Order but every now and then they say what we’re all thinking’ and now we don’t talk anymore”. But, I understand the importance of separating a character from an actor so it’s probably better they don't do that.

I’m glad they didn’t bring back IG-11. I kind of don’t want them to cheapen his heart wrenching death scene, but this is Star Wars, when has death ever meant anything? Can't wait to have him back.

90% sure Grogu was trying to eat the Anzellans

If this season doesn't win an Emmy it’s because they cut out a scene where Din crawled on his hands and knees to get into that droidsmiths.

I hope Din teaching Grogu how to fly becomes a Chekov's driving lesson and Grogu has to fly the ship to save the day.

That dogfight with the pirates was pure Saturday morning cartoon and camp and it’s why I love Star Wars.

I have never been sure if Mandalore was a planet or a planetary system so this episode did kinda clear some of that up. (And it’s always fun to see more Mandalorian places)

Bo-Katan's hair is giving me Halloween Store Ginger Spice Wig realness and I’m sort of into it. I also love how all the other Star Wars ladies are infamous for constantly changing hairstyles and she just went ‘nah, this is the one’

Bo-Katan sitting/slouching/laying on her chair is me every day, sprawled on out the sofa trying to figure out why have back problems. Finally, the representation we need.

Overall, solid first episode. It kind of felt like when you start up Skyrim again after not playing for a while and just spend the first hour or so just remembering where you got up to.

I enjoyed the different in tone to this episode. The first episode of Season 1 showed a lone ranger type, mowing down enemies and having no time for people like Greef. In this episode he is much less bloodthirsty and we see him catching up with multiple friends throughout the episode. I understand the need to up the drama and stakes with every season, but it's also nice to see your character get to enjoy the benefits of their success and character development.

I know some people are mad that the show had no planned ending and will keep going for as long as they want. People have been saying this will make the show ‘aimless’ but the Mandalorian has kind of always been an aimless wander through the galaxy, picking up friends and questing and I think this episode show cased that.

Finally, I saw a review saying that the Mandalorian premiere fails to match the high bar set by Andor and it pales by comparison. That's like saying winter isn't as warm as summer. They’re different things, that do different jobs in the franchise. (Also, I remember when Andor premiered and there were plenty of revies saying it was no The Mandalorian)

It’s too cakes! Two amazingly good cakes! Andor has a prison break episode and it's a gut punch of a saga that makes you feel the need to go for walk and appreciate your freedom after you watch it. The Mandalorian had a prison break episode and it was a fun romp of double crossing and cartoon violence. And we get to have both, and it’s great and I just love Star Wars in all shapes and sizes.

I have more to say but I'm gonna leave it there, I might do one of these for the next episode, but we’ll see. All in all, it was a good solid The Mandalorian episode and I am a fan.

#I have thoughts regarding gatekeeping and that but I got save something for the thesis 😚#Might do this again might not might call it horatio finks #the mandalorion spoilers #the mandalorian s3

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blujayonthewing · 2 years ago

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Previous anon here! I totally understand what you mean i have the same issue with my own ocs. So can I ask who's your oldesr oc (you've had the longest) and who's your favorite and why? :3c I wanna hear about them but it's hard to think of specific questions! Sidenote, you inspired me to start reblogging things as inspo for my own ocs!

OH I feel you, I'm the exact same way about not knowing what to specifically ask about other people's OCs lmao it's so hard to think of good questions!

My oldest (current) OC is my ranger, Elyss!! I've been playing her for coming up on EIGHT YEARS, which is admittedly not actually as much as it sounds because the run schedules for all the campaigns I'm in tend to be pretty sparse, ahaha :') She is also still my favorite, my beloved girl... 🥺💕 That's at least partly because I've been playing her for so long and for awhile she was my only dnd character, so I've had a lot of opportunity to think about her and play her and get to know her as a character.

She's a water genasi who was born and raised in a land where genasi are essentially unheard of, so she's spent most of her life fairly rejected and lonely. She ended up (voluntarily) living alone in the woods for something close to ten years, and she has a very nature-inspired True Neutral philosophy, so when we started the campaign with the premise of 'an established group of adventures trying to stop A Bad Guy from Taking Over The World' I had to figure out why she would care about that, and one of the answers was 'well... she loves her friends,' which has informed SO much about everything about her ever since. On a practical level, it means I get to engage with the game even if Elyss wouldn't necessarily want to (eg if the paladin wants to do a dangerous stupid thing to save some villagers, I want to go with him to help keep him safe), but it's also made her really interesting and really emotionally rewarding to roleplay with. I'm fortunate in that all my fellow players in her campaign are amazing AND Elyss has meaningful relationships with most of their characters, so I've been able to explore her navigating those relationships and her own feelings... at the beginning of the campaign, she felt really strongly that her love for her companions was completely one-sided, so had a lot of Issues about needing to be unambiguously useful and never a liability to avoid rejection and losing her right to be a part of the group. Unfortunately the circumstances of this campaign have given her... really severe trust issues to the point of sometimes paralyzing paranoia, BUT she DOES now believe that (most of) her close friends actually care about her in return, so, that's something :') I guess tl;dr without explaining the entire campaign and her entire personal development, she just has a lot of complex feelings and life circumstances that are not only interesting to play and think about but that also just... make me wish for the best for her. She's had a really hard time, so it fills me with joy whenever she gets a little reprieve, I'm overwhelmed on her behalf when things are inevitably really bad for her again, and I'm deeply invested in her path toward hope and growth and a happier, more stable future 🥺💕

All that said, I've gotten to play her a lot less lately, and while she's still my favorite, the margin isn't as wide as it used to be, lol. But I dunno if I could put a finger on the definitive second favorite? It depends on who I've played and/or have been obsessing over the most recently I think, lol. Right at this second that feels like a tossup between Juniper, my druid, and Melliwyk, my wizard; I'm not gonna do another wall of text for each of them for this ask BUT-- June is basically the character archetype I have the softest spot for (sweetheart, awkward, big ol nerd) and I wanna kiss her and give her soup, and Mel is a DIFFERENT archetype I tend to be drawn to (mad science type friendly little wierdo) but she has also developed depth that I wasn't expecting and now I have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about HER as well. Also, June gives me a good outlet for a lot of soft tenderness, Mel is a good outlet for me in real life being a big fuckin nerd, and Elyss is my single best outlet for just. really loving to be really good at DPS when I'm playing a game kjhkdfhjd

#Anonymous #I was gonna say 'honorable mention to' other characters who are also my next-favorite but then I realized I was gonna list. all of them #I AM JUST. LOV MY LITTLE GUYS VERY MUCH #ANYWAY thank you so much for asking!! I hope this isn't completely incomprehensible dfgkjhdgf #ALSO wow I love that I've got you OC insp tagging too!! :D it's fun it's nice I love going back through my insp tags sometimes #I was yelling about elyss today actually cause she and my husband's PC in the same campaign are both our favorite OCs #and they're best friends and they have had some similar feelings/ issues/ experiences #so sometimes we gotta just Holler about the campaign and The Problems It Keeps Doing To Us #it's been...... not great a lot of the time :') it's sort of put all the PCs through the wringer in mostly 'they're just damaged now' ways #but we love those guys so MUCH we're held together by that love and their love for each other and like.... spite fdgjhdf #anyway again thanks for asking!! sorry (or you're welcome?) for the wall of text #about me #my OCs #elyss #juniper #melliwyk

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halloweendeity · 2 years ago

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Hello, blessed mutual. I would very much like to hear your Spotify 1-100!!

Like, all of them ??🥺🥺🥺 hi I love you <3 <3

Below the cut because it will be long~ top 100 + fave lyric !

1. Tangerine - Glass Animals

"But I love it when the light sits on you just right, tiny tangerine speckles painted in your eyes"

2. Heat Waves - Glass Animals

"Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June"

3. It's called: Freefall - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

"Called to the devil and the devil said hey, why you been calling this late?"

4. Hot Air Balloon - Owl City

"We wrote a prelude to our own fairy tale, and bought a parachute at a church rummage sale, and with a mean sewing machine and miles of thread, we sewed the day above L.A. in navy and red"

5. Toes - Glass Animals

"’All I ever want is breaking me apart,’ I said to the thing that I once was"

6. Steady As She Goes - Sky Sailing

"What lies out there, no one knows, the tide could bring in anything so steady as she goes"

7. You - Regard, Troye Sivan, Tate McRae

"I see your face in every stranger, everywhere I go"

8. Fireflies - Owl City

"Cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they tried to teach me how to dance"

9. Gooey - Glass Animals

"Hold my hand and float back to the summertime, tangled in the willows, now our tongues are tied. How can I believe you? How can I be nice?"

10. Do I Wanna Know - Artic Monkeys

"Have you no idea that you're in deep? I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week."

11. Someone Else's Dream - Absofacto

"Would it even wake you if I fall?"

12. The Saltwater Room - Owl City

"So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love? All the time, all the time."

13. Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Glass Animals

"Where'd you get the gun from, eh? Really think that metal's gonna make you safe, playing peek-a-boo with the devil these days"

14. Humility - Gorillaz ft. George Benson

"And if you're coming back to find me, you better have good aim"

15. Alaska - Sky Sailing

"I was on my way to a brighter day I'm still chasing around, but somehow I believe that this is home"

16. Tidal Wave - Owl City

"It hurts just to wake up whenever you're wearing thin"

17. Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth - Glass Animals

"Its chemical warfare, red lips and television eyewear, raspberry soda hair"

18. Dissolve - Absofacto

"Your voice like an angel, been chain-smoking all month long, like you're someone I believe in"

19. Jasey Rae (Acoustic) - All Time Low

"Call me a name, kill me with words, forget about me, its what I deserve"

20. Rainbow Veins - Owl City

"Clearly I am a passerby, but I'll find a place to stay, dear Pacific day won't you take me away"

21. Agnes - Glass Animals

"You're gone but you're on my mind, I'm lost but I don't know why"

22. Home - Morgxn

"Take me back home, where the blood runs through my soul, I can't describe it, theres nothing like it."

23. Captains of the Sky - Sky Sailing

"I woke up beneath the flight deck on the wallpaper airplane, as you stare, I strap my helmet on and leave your driveway behind"

24. On The Wing - Owl City

"I'm dreaming you're out in the blue and I am right beside you, awake to take in the view"

25. Your Love (Déjà Vu) - Glass Animals

"I can feel your love, your temporary touch, its a hit and run"

26. Sunflower - Post Malone, Swae Lee

"You're the sunflower, I think your love would be too much"

27. Violet City - Mansionair

"I can't help myself, the moment that I let it go is when I find I'm in control, in control"

28. Alligator Sky (No rap version) - Owl City

"Let's hear it for the universe, where it never hurts diving in head first"

29. Church - Fall Out Boy ft. Nothing, Nowhere

"If you were church, I'd get on my knees, confess my love, I'd know where to be, my sanctuary, you're holy to me"

30. R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys

"She's a silver lining, lone ranger riding through an open space in my mind when she's not right there beside me"

31. Astronaut (Something About Your Love) - Mansionair

"Right now, I'm feeling like an astronaut, I fade into the thought of coming back to you"

32. Swimming In Miami - Owl City

"I'm alone above the atmosphere and no one looking up can find me here cause I can close my eyes and disappear"

33. Jet Pack Blues - Fall Out Boy

"She's in a long black coat tonight, waiting for me in the downpour outside, she's singing baby come home in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time"

34. Mr. Blue - Catherine Feeny

"So I'll leave you with a smile, kiss you on the cheek and you will call it treason"

35. A Little Opera Goes a Long Way - Sky Sailing

"I'll save you an echo from the hall"

36. The Technicolor Phase - Owl City

"If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening stars"

37. Nevermind - Dennis Lloyd

"What if I left and it made no sense and you tell your friends and they hold your hands, baby, nevermind, nevermind"

38. Helium - Glass Animals

"My momma said there used to be white pyramids, they float above the sand they're slowly sinking in, are our foundations destined to keep crumbling?"

39. Take Me Somewhere Nice - Sky Sailing

"I can think of a thousand ways to get good and lost beyond these hopeless days"

40. Sunburn - Owl City

"We both put our sunblock on, laid on the beach and vowed that we'd live and we'd learn, yeah, but she got a tan and I got a sunburn"

41. From Eden - Hozier

"Babe, there’s something tragic about you"

42. Los Ageless - St. Vincent

"In Los Ageless, the waves they never break, they build and build until you don't have no escape"

43. Brielle - Sky Sailing

"Breathing the sweet forest air makes the bluebird aware that she could be free"

44. Cave In - Owl City

"I'll keep my helmet on just in case my head caves in, cause if my thoughts collapse or my framework snaps it'll make a mess like you wouldn’t believe"

45. Back Down - Bob Moses

"You and I turned away from the promise to try, you and I found our faith in the will of a lie"

46. Cherry Wine - Hozier

"Her fight and fury is fiery, oh but she loves like sleep to the freezing, sweet and right and merciful, I'm all but washed in the tide of her breathing. And it's worth it, its divine"

47. Easy - Troye Sivan

"This house is on fire, burning the tears right off my face, what the hell did we do? tell me we'll make it through"

48. Panda Bear - Owl City

"On houses and building tops, I swallowed the beams and sun drops, if my echoes could reach your ears then I could save my calls"

49. Girl That You Love - Panic! At the Disco

"So what does that make god to the girl that you love?"

50. Sedated - Hozier

"I'm somewhere outside my life babe, I keep scratching but somehow, I can't get in"

51. Someone Else - Rezz, Grabbitz

"I never thought I'd see the day I'd see you as somebody I could hate, but I guess that's just the price I pay for the blood-red flags that I walked past every day"

52. Back Home - Owl City ft. Jake Owen

"I've got aching feet from walking over miles of concrete and I can't wait to dream, but the city, you know she won't go to sleep"

53. Knee Socks - Arctic Monkeys

"When the winter's in full swing and your dreams just aren't coming true, ain't it funny what you'll do?"

54. Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

"Be still my foolish heart, don't ruin this on me"

55. Hallucinogenics - Matt Maeson

"And then I crawl back to the life that I said I wasn't living"

55. If my Heart was a House - Owl City

"All my clothes smell like you, cause your favorite shade is navy blue"

56. Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos

"There will come a poet whose weapon is his word, he will slay you with his tongue"

57. Drops of Jupiter - Train

"Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair, she acts like summer and walks like rain, reminds me that there's time to change"

58. Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier

"All the things yet to come, all the things that have passed, like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass"

59. Designer Skyline - Owl City

"Collections of books and documents arise and parade around my cluttered desk, reworking the math and measurements, until I'm convinced these plans are picturesque, like mountains in the Midwest"

60. Big Mouth - Citizen

"You have stolen all my time but its out (And we fall right into line) now I'll give you what I think you deserve (and spit it right out your mouth)"

61. C'mon - Fun., Panic! At The Disco

"If I should die tonight, may I first just say I'm sorry for I never felt like anybody"

62. Shrike - Hozier

"The words hung above, but never would form, like a cry at the final breath that is drawn. Remember me love, when I am reborn as a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn"

63. Dementia - Owl City ft. Mark Hoppus

"Big surprise, I'm a ghost keeping out of sight. Rub your eyes, you're a star in the summer night"

64. Roam With You - Grabbitz

"I'm perfect on my surface but it's worthless if you're not around"

65. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High - Arctic Monkeys

"Now its three in the morning and I'm trying to change your mind, left you multiple missed calls and to my message you reply, 'why'd you only call me when you're high?'"

66. Talk - Hozier

"I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus when her body was found, I'd be the choiceless hope and grief that drove him underground, I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee that made him turn around, and I'd be the immediate forgiveness in Eurydice"

67. I'll Meet You There - Owl City

"Oh, I tend to disappear, here and there"

68. Dear Agony (Aurora Version) - Breaking Benjamin ft. Lacey Sturm

"Dear agony, just let go of me"

69. Smells like Teen Spirit - Malia J (cover, original by Nirvana)

"I'm worst at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed"

70. Jackie and Wilson - Hozier

"We tried the world, good god, it wasn’t for us"

71. To The Sky - Owl City

"Awake the stars cause they're all around you"

72. Pompeii - Bastille

"But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, does is almost feel like you've been here before?"

73. Trampoline - Shaed

"When I dream of dying, I never feel so loved"

74. Preach - Saint Motel

"You gotta say nothing too specific, you know I'll get it anyway"

75. Air Traffic - Owl City

"Let the noise sing you to sleep in my arms, if you awake before we arrive, I will carry you down and I won't make a sound"

76. Death Bed (Coffee for your Head) - Powful, Beabadoobee

"Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed, I'll make a cup of coffee for your head, I'll get you up and going out of bed"

77. In a Week - Hozier ft. Karen Cowley

"And they'd find us in a week, when the buzzards get loud. After the insects have made their claim, after the foxes have known our taste, after the raven has had its say, I'd be home with you, I'd be home with you"

78. Saturday Sun - Vance Joy

"Each line I read, she left her books in my bed and her song in my head, I've been undone"

79. Saltwater Heart - Switchfoot

"Well it's an abstract thought, but I've been thinking nonstop about the fact that my body's made most out of raindrops"

80. Stutter - Marianas Trench

"And I'm begging you, bring me back to life, I just can't stand leaving you alone tonight."

81. Sunlight - Hozier

"Know that I would gladly be the Icarus to your certainty, oh my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight"

82. Cinnamon - Jome

"It's a slow, cinnamon summer, your spell is pulling me under"

83. Bird With a Broken Wing - Owl City

"To see the sun again, I'd give anything"

84. Demons - Hayley Kiyoko

"Don't bother me, my misery is holding me, won't let me speak"

85. Gloria - The Lumineers

"Gloria, they found you on the floor, Gloria, my hand was tied to yours, Gloria, did you finally see enough is enough?"

86. Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles

"Breath me in, breathe me out, I don't know if I could ever go without watermelon sugar high"

87. Sorrow - Flyleaf

"Familiar breath of my old lies, change the color in my eyes"

88. Montero (Call me by Your Name) - Lil Nas X

"Call me by your name, tell me you love me in private, oh call me by your name, I do not care if you're lying"

89. The Hills - The Weeknd

"I only call you when it's half past five, the only time I'd ever call you mine"

90. Astronaut - Sir Sly

"I'm in the bathtub, swimming in lavender hymns, I'm discovering god and she is paper-thin"

91. Crazy Fishes - Bearcat

"I called you from the hospital, you didn't pick up the phone"

92. Moving in Place - Shauna Dean Cokeland

"Take me to the far side of the beach, before it falls into the ocean, before you notice I'm eroding"

93. Sailboats - Sky Sailing

"Sailplane pilot in the blue, take me up there with you, the world looks brighter from this high altitude"

94. Believe - Mumford and Sons

"Say something, say something, something like you love me, like you want to move away from the noise of this place"

95. Angels - Owl City

"I've been sleeping with the nightlight unplugged, with a note on the rocking chair, that says 'I'm dreaming of the life I once loved, so wake me if you're out there'"

96. Would That I - Hozier

"True that I saw her hair like the branch of a tree, willow dancing on air before covering me, over gardens and calicos, over canopy dabbled long ago"

97. Somebody Else - The 1975

"Our love has gone cold, you're intertwining your soul with somebody else"

98. Amaryllis - Shinedown

"So do I remind you of someone you never met, a lonely silhouette? And do I remind you of somewhere you wanna be, so far out of reach?"

99. Hospital Flowers - Owl City

"I survived a dreadful accident in the car crash of the century, my shattered hopes collapsed on cold cement, but in the back of the ambulance, I'd never felt so content"

100. Explorers - Sky Sailing

"The old world was dying while we took off flying, like peregrine falcons beneath the transparent blue waves, far below the surf, and we spent the hours with submarine flowers, I knew I'd remember that day in November as we felt alive again"

#augh thank you for giving me an excuse to type all of these out #i think i am going to do it every year for my spotify top 100 and look back on them and see what mood i was in lol #asks #ask game #ghost posts

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firstprince-history-huh · 1 year ago

Note

Here's some Lone Star questions for you for nice ask day/weekend!

Suprise, Tim Minear has put you in charge of LS! (In a perfect world where everyone gets paid a fair wage for their work.) What's next for Tarlos besides the Gabriel of it all?

If you could bring one past character back, dead or alive, who would it be and why?

You get to do a crossover with *any* other show, past or present, what show would it be?

Pick a special episode: Valentines day ep, Halloween ep, Christmas ep, musical ep, animated ep, AU ep (like Mateo's sitcom dream)

You get to delete one thing from the show's history without it messing anything up, what do you get rid of?

Pick a celebrity guest star. What would their role be?

Firefighter TK or paramedic TK?

For Carlos: Officer Reyes, Detective Reyes, Ranger Reyes, or something completely different (non law enforcement?)

Flashback episode for TK's life in NYC (pre Alex), or a flashback episode of young Carlos growing up on the ranch (including his friendship with Iris)

A (new) work partner for Carlos or a new recruit at the firehouse?

Buttercup or Lou II?

TK's cousins or Carlos' sisters?

Andrea calling TK mijo or Owen calling Carlos son?

Reyes-Strand or Strand-Reyes?

Hey! Thank you for the ask! I'm so sorry for the late reply!

Oh what if Tim put me in charge of LS! I'm no expert on the matter, but I would love to think what I would do if I'm the showrunner/main writer!

Re: Tarlos, I would just love to see the normal domestic life at home & just them interacting at scenes!

One past character: Gwyn/Gabriel. Although I know that both their deaths were pivotal moments for their sons, but I just miss them so much!

Crossover: Schitt's Creek & RWRB. Although I know RWRB is book/movie, but a couple days ago I remember seeing this post on my dash, idk who posted it. It was about a RWRB x Schitt's Creek x 911 LS crossover & that sounded AMAZING!

Special episode: Any of those holiday-themed ones! I would love to see all the 126 shenanigans & the holiday-specific calls they would get!

I don't think there's anything I want to delete from the show!

Celebrity guest star: As Ronen said (at Paris this year, I think), JPK! I don't have a specific role in mind, but i would like to see her character interact with TK!

TK: Can I say both? Switching to paramedic was wonderful character development for him, but i kinda miss firefighter TK!

Carlos: Although Detective/Ranger would be a great career promotion, as Tim mentioned sometime during/after season 3, Carlos not being an officer & having a different rank would mean he won't be on scenes as often. And I want to see him on scenes. So Officer Reyes it is.

Flashbacks: I wanna see both! NYC TK (pre-Alex) & young Carlos growing up on the family ranch & how he became friends with Iris!

I kinda wanna see more of Carlos's work partner Lexi Mitchell. So no new partener, but more of his old partner!

I LOVE BUTTERCUP & LOU II BOTH!

More of the both, the cousins & the sisters!

Andrea calling TK mijo & Owen calling Carlos son, BOTH!

Strand-Reyes or Reyes-Strand: I kinda like both. I've always been team hyphenate.

I absolutely loved this ask so much! I enjoyed it so much! And once sorry for the late reply!

❤❤❤❤❤

#nice ask day

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 3 years ago

Note

How about friendship head canons for Lancer with a Darkerner Rudinn reader?

Since you weren't a big fan of fighting, you'd often goof around and try to make a living selling choco diamonds. Honestly it's all you ever really wanted to do (and getting rich was the only reason you took the job as one of King's soldiers anyway).

Of course you never wanna get on his bad side, nor the Rudinn Rangers who were your superiors. Disobeying them would have you thrown into the dungeon in a heartbeat.

Being stationed near Card Castle had it downsides...but also its upsides.

One was Lancer, the King's son and a goofy little fellow. Your kind had to attend to his needs almost every second of the day and listen to his orders.

But unlike the other Rudinns, who complained of his immaturity and questioned his capabilities of being a true prince (and future king), you genuinely enjoyed his presence.

You didn't understand why it bothered them so much, as King was much crueler and you wouldn't mind Lancer taking his place years down the line. Who knows? Maybe you'll even get to be his bodyguard and be promoted to Ranger and make more mon-

As it turns out, money's not all you're worried about.

But so what? Friendship was just as valuable.

Unfortunately, Lancer is convinced you dislike him and only put up with his shenanigans because of his dad. But he hopes he's wrong when he's ordered to oversee your stand, where you're selling desserts.

"[Y/n]?"

"Oh hello, Your Majesty-!"

"You don't have to call me that...or you can..it's fine..." He pouts. "I know you're used to it.."

"No, no. I'm sorry, Lancer. I will keep correcting myself until I get used to this. I promise." You reassure as you push a choco diamond towards him. Not even the sight of it cheers him up, as he only stares at you.

"You can stop trying if you're only pretending to like me. I'm not stupid."

"Of course you're not." You shake your head immediately. This poor kid's self-esteem was crippling by the second, and you had to fix that asap. "I mean it when I say you're really cool to hang out with."

"How so?"

"..well..you don't push me around like your dad, and I love your mp3s. And uh..I did have to stop you from disrupting the scissor dancers' performances but adventures like those are quite fun. It truly made me feel like we were friends. And I feel happy knowing I can help you have a...somewhat normal childhood."

At first Lancer's stare is blank, but he suddenly grins and throws his arms up in the air with triumph. "See? It was all a test! Hohoho!! Congrats, [y/n]! You've been promoted to Best Friend!"

'....so that's all it was, huh? He had me worried sick for a minute..' You awkwardly smile. "I'm glad I passed the test."

As thanks for cheering him up, he decides to help you come up with new ideas for desserts.

Nearby subjects who overheard everything looked the other way, unsure of whether to feel jealousy or pity for you as he starts rambling about a "Lancer Cookie". But you ignore them and listen to the prince with interest.

They forgot he's just a lonely kid with a lot of responsibility. He only ever wanted a friend.

And if that's all Your Majesty requested, so be it.

#this kinda turned into a hc fic ghdhhdg oops #clanask #anonymous #deltarune x reader #deltarune lancer #darkner reader #monster reader #headcanons #friendship headcanons

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13uswntimagines · 4 years ago

Text

Our Troublemaker (USWNT x Baby!reader)

Request: uswnt x reader where reader gets into some trouble at a pride event they all go to, when they get back to hotel reader is punished and then fluff and cuddles to end

Author’s Note: Special thanks to @literaryhedgehog for her addition of fluff and mediation of my crazy thoughts. So this universe can be taken several different ways, as i didn’t explicitly define it. Feel free to interpret it in your favorite context. Also, I would totally be down for continuing this universe... Hit me up with Questions, comments or if you just wanna say hi!

You hadn’t meant to start a fight. Well, that was a half-truth. You had totally meant to tell that ignorant ass that he was being a homophobic dishrag. What you hadn’t meant was for him to punch you in the face, and the team to get involved in defending you from his drunk ass. So here you were, being carried over Lindsey’s shoulder back towards your hotel.

You wiggled again in a vain attempt to get her to put you down. “Come on Linds, I can walk,”

“Yeah, you couldn’t be trusted to stand with Mal for 5 seconds on your own, and you might have a concussion,” Alex answered for the blond, and sent you a glare that oozed “try me,”

“I don’t have a concussion, and I couldn’t let him talk to Mal like that,” You pouted up at her raised eyebrow. It was tough considering you were over someone’s shoulder, but you managed.

“Next time you wanna show off for your girlfriend, try not to pick a fight with a guy four times your size,” Kelley laughed, patting your lower back. You frowned. Mal wasn’t your girlfriend. Yet.

“I didn’t think he would hit me,” You grumbled, flopping down, Lindsey gripped your legs harder so she didn’t drop you on your head. That was all you guys needed right now.

“Well he did, so let’s get you back to the hotel trouble,” Alex said, pointing towards the building down the street. Lindsey nodded, swinging you around as she turned and began to walk that way again.

“I’m not trouble,” you complained

“No it just follows you everywhere, and has earned you no ice cream tonight,” Kelley rolled her eyes.

“I’m not Sonnett, ice cream isn’t the love of my life,” you said, trying to act like you weren't pouting. So maybe the team treated some of the youngins like they were a little younger than their age. You all loved it, and you craved the structure it brought to your life.

“Wanna make it for the rest of the week?” Alex asked, with her signature eyebrow arch. You grumbled back a no, along with several inaudible complaints. You knew how creative the woman could be with her punishments and you really didn’t want to test her. Your face hurt and you really just wanted to bury your head under a pillow and scream. You had protected Mal, you shouldn’t be in trouble.

Your pout was strong all the way to the hotel and up the elevator, not wavering at all until Lindsey set you down in the corner of Alex’s room. You tilted your head at the woman in confusion.

“This isn’t my room.”

“No, it’s not. You get 10 minutes in the corner for putting yourself in danger,” Alex said, her arms crossed across her chest.

“I didn’t put myself in danger. I just told that dude to lay off. We were in an outdoor bar, there were plenty of people around. I thought societal convention would trap that dude into not making a scene.”

“No, you got punched in the face and almost had a beer bottle smashed over your head to impress a girl who already has a massive crush on you,” Alex exclaimed.

“She does?” You asked, eyes wide.

“Not the point Y/n,” Kelley shook her head.

“The fact is, you engaged with a drunk homophobe on your own. There are times to engage, and that was not one of them. Now sit!” Alex said, dragging a chair to the corner and pointing at it, “your time out starts now.”

You sat down wordlessly, staring down at your hands. You knew that there was no getting out of this one. One of them had a scrape on the palm from where you had landed on the gravel.

The minutes seemed to drag by, and you fidgeted more and more with every passing second, picking at the cuts on your hands.

There was a knock on the door. “Stay,” Alex commanded, looking at her watch, “you still have two minutes left.” Behind you, you heard someone go to the door and open it.

“I got your text,” Becky’s voice came from the doorway. You slouched in your chair, partially from embarrassment, partially from relief. They hadn’t called the medics. And at least they hadn’t called Carli, she duct-taped an ice pack to you the last time you got a bruise. But still, you hated that more people would know that you had gotten yourself into trouble again. “I brought a first aid kit and an ice pack. Also some duct tape, in case she tries to escape.”

You shook your head, not finding the comment funny. You weren’t going to try and escape, your face was throbbing by this point, and you would rather they took care of you then leave you to fend off Jill and Dawn by yourself.

Alex’s watch beeped three times, signaling the end to your time out. You sighed in relief. Sitting still was never your strongest suit.

“Come sit on the bed, Y/N,” Becky said, pulling Lindsey’s comforter straight and opening up the first aid kit on one side of it. You blinked twice, staring at the spot. You never liked getting fixed by the medics, and Lindsey’s bed looked lonely.

“Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven.” You looked at Lindsey in confusion, as she started counting. “Three. Two One. That’s it.” Lindsey picked you up and sat down with you on the bed, situating you in her lap.

You started to move and realized she had grabbed your hands and pulled them across your chest, essentially putting you in a human straightjacket.

“Sit still and let Broon make sure you are alright you absolute badger of a human being. You are a great defender, on and off the field Y/n. But it won’t kill you to let someone else take care of you for once.”

You huffed and sunk down in Lindsey’s lap, finally stopping your struggle to get free. It was going to happen whether you wanted it to or not.

Becky shined a flashlight in your eyes and wiped down a cut on your lip with an antiseptic wipe. You winced slightly.

“Hand.”

Lindsey let go of one of your arms so you could put your scraped palm into Becky’s outstretched hand. She wiped it down with gentle strokes, checking to make sure there wasn’t any gravel pieces still in it.

She nodded at Lindsey who released you and pushed you lightly next to her on the bed. Becky stood up from her crouch, slapping her hands on her jeans as she did. She went over to the dresser where she had set a small bag of ice and brought it over to you as Kelley sat down on the other side of you.

Alex picked up the chair you had spent your time out in and placed it in front of you, straddling the back of the chair and leaning on it’s back as she looked at you. “Do you understand why we’re upset with you Y/n?” While she spoke, Becky perched on the bed and folded her hands in her lap.

“Yes, but I wasn’t going to let him hurt Mal,” You mumbled, playing with your fingers. Yes you had been reckless, and probably could have ended up in way worse shape, but you weren’t going to let him disrespect the two of you like that. Her like that.

“Love, we are so proud of you for standing up like that. You shouldn’t have to deal with hatred from strangers for being who you are,” Becky started softly.

“But you are going to have to deal with a lot of it in your life. And we need you to promise you won’t confront someone like that alone.” Alex finished seriously. They would never be able to get the image of little you standing toe to toe with a 6-foot tall man out of their heads.

“There’s a reason we’re called a team. We work together, back each other up. And strength in numbers is usually more convincing to the average asshole bully than a lone ranger. Let us defend you sometimes.” Kelley chimed in, nudging you with her elbow.

“And if you’re alone, walk away. It sucks, but it’s better to live another day than die on your sword. You can't win every battle, and the world is a much better place with you in it,” Lindsey said, squeezing you in a sideways hug.

“Fine, I won’t provoke any more dishrags,” you said, in mock exasperation.

Kelley snorted, and you saw Alex’s lips twitch slightly as she nodded, “Good.” You would always be their troublemaker, but at least they knew you would try. Even if it was only for a little while.

You snuggled deeper into Lindsey and Kelley, smiling as Alex joined Kelley’s side. The room was quiet for a few minutes before you blurt out a sleepy “Do you think Mal will think I’m more badass now that I have a scar?”

Becky laughed, standing to pack away her first aid things. “Oh yes, the most badass. Now if you’ll excuse me cuddle bug, I should get back to my room. I have my own troublemaker to attend to.” She walked to the doorway and paused turning back to you. “One more thing. Y/n? You have to spend the night in here for observation. Doctor’s orders.”

“Those are agreeable terms I guess,” You shrugged. That had been your plan anyway.

“My cuddles are better than just agreeable,” Kelley huffed, bumping your cheek with her nose.

“Of course they are squirrel,” Alex laughed, kissing her temple.

Yes, you were a troublemaker, but you were their troublemaker.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #literalhedgehog

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floralseokjin · 4 years ago

Text

⤑ made-up love song drabbles

A glimpse into Soojung and Taehyung’s life

kim seokjin x reader (or should I say kim taehyung x baek soojung 🤣) warnings; discussion of seokjin’s potential micropenis (I’m so sorry for disrespecting u like this king) words; 925

Takes place during chapter v

↪︎ read the series here / and drabbles here

“What do you think they’re doing right now?”

Taehyung looked up from his phone, shrugging at Soojung who was lying in bed next to him. “I don’t know. It.”

Soojung hummed in agreement and Taehyung took that as a sign for his eyes to fall back to his screen. The conversation must be over now. It had been ongoing since he’d dropped by four hours ago.

“Do you think I should text her tonight or wait until tomorrow?”

Taehyung sighed. Silly him, they were still talking about Y/N’s sordid week. “I think you should wait until tomorrow.” He shrugged again, only slightly this time. “But then again, maybe she’ll be AWOL for the whole week. They have like what, two months of fucking to catch up on –Oww!” He immediately brought his hand up to his arm to rub the sting of Soo’s backhand. “What was that for?!”

“That’s my best friend you’re talking about.”

Taehyung grumbled. “She’s my friend too. Besides, you’ve been talking about them fu– doing it,” he corrected himself quickly, catching the look on his girlfriend’s face, “all night. What’s the difference?”

Soojung ignored him, she was too busy wondering what the hell was going on at Dilf mansion right now. She’d been excited all week, more than you she’d thought at one point, but then again you’d always been the more reserved out of the two of you. Soo knew that inside you were absolutely ecstatic – not just about the sex, but also your budding relationship with Seokjin. Yes, she liked to tease and be dramatic, but above all else, she was over the moon for her best friend. You deserved so much happiness after everything you’d been through in recent years.

Those were her thoughts, but out loud she said, “I bet he’s amazing in bed. Dilfs always are.”

Taehyung had to try really hard not to roll his eyes. If she loved older men so much, maybe she should go and find one for herself. “Didn’t you say he’s been a lone ranger since he got divorced?”

Lone ranger? Seriously, Soojung thought. “You’re not supposed to know that. Besides, you don’t exactly forget how to have sex. Especially when you look like him.”

Taehyung’s phone was long forgotten now. “You do realise that just because the man’s good looking it doesn’t mean he knows how to fuck.” What type of logic was that? “He could have a micropenis for all we know.”

Soojung shook her head adamantly. “He doesn’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“Y/N told me.” Soojung couldn’t stop herself from giggling slightly. Like some kind of fricking teenager, Taehyung thought. “She’s accidentally felt it a few times.”

“God, Soo.” He exclaimed slightly. “It’s almost like you’ve forgotten you have a boyfriend. Who is laying right beside you by the way,” he felt the need to remind. “If you like him so much why don’t you ask Y/N if you can join in.”

Soojung couldn’t help but burst out laughing, greatly amused. “What has gotten into you?” The pout on her boyfriend’s lips was both amusing and adorable. Was he really jealous? He needed to take a joke. “I thought you liked Seokjin?”

Especially after last weekend. All four of you had such an enjoyable time hanging out.

“I do,” he replied easily. “I just don’t like hearing my girl thirsting after him right in front of me.”

“I’m not thirsting after him.” She insisted. “Why would I thirst after my bestie’s man?”

“Bestie,” he repeated. “What are you, 12?”

“I’ll have you know everyone uses it on the internet.”

“Yeah, if you’re 12.”

Soojung rolled her eyes playfully, turning towards him with a gigantic smile. He was blind (and deaf) if he really thought she would be interested in anyone other than him. “I love you.”

Taehyung refused to look at her at first, determined to keep his mouth in a straight line, but there was no way he couldn’t respond. It went against everything he believed in. If he didn’t let Soojung know he loved her at least three times a day then he’d failed as a boyfriend and his mother’s son.

“Love you, too.” He mumbled it though. He wasn’t letting Soo off the hook that easy.

She leaned in closer, hands on his chest. “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.”

“Get off,” he gruffed as she started rubbing her nose into the crook of his neck, tickling him. It wasn’t long before he was breaking, chuckling quietly as he attempted to lift her face up and kiss her. “I love you, too.”

Kissing Soojung was his favourite thing in the world. Once he felt her lips on his he swore all his worries and stresses melted away. Every single time. And sometimes… (maybe a lot of the time)… it stirred his dick into action.

“Wanna do it?” He murmured, pulling back to catch his breath.

He knew straight away the answer was a no. Her face was so incredibly easy to read, even before she pulled a face. “Eh, not really. I’m tired. This week has been crazy.”

He whimpered dramatically, letting his head fall back against the propped pillow. “So, what? Y/N gets to have the living daylights fucked out of her tonight and I’m getting cruelly discarded?”

Soojung’s face lit up, and he knew instantly he’d made a mistake. “Oh, so you do think Seokjin’s great in bed?”

“I’m getting some water,” he said with a sigh, getting out of bed. It was time to admit defeat. “Want anything?”

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

#fic:mls #mls:drabbles #floralseokjin:writings

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thecoochiefairy · 3 years ago

Text

𝖓𝖊𝖜 𝖘𝖆𝖑𝖊𝖒

CHAPTER TWELVE.

𝐏𝐈𝐗𝐈𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃!

"SO, WHAT'S THE FIRST MOVE?"

They took in the scenery of the entire city. Buildings traveled sky high in blemishes of sangria, marigold, complimenting the dim chartreuse that hid around the underlining of other colors bellowing in the lights. Stores behind glass walls held clothing, crystal shops held incense soothing out smoke, restaurants had people sitting on the outside crawling all the way to the inside. Loud conversations and music filled their ears. Bodies sat along viridescent plants, an earth toned woman with her legs crossed smiling ear to ear. She shoved a questionable dish into her mouth as she relaxed along the greenery, others beside her enjoying the wondrous amounts of food on their plates.

It was a sight to see. The possibility of doing anything they wanted fell in their hands tonight, yet they didn't even know where to start. Sin watched as another dragonfly bumbled past her eyes, her amazement falling off her face as she noticed the amount of gazes against her body. Different visions of colors elongated their attire. She understood they lived happily in Orioch, but the curiosity in their expressions showed they truly knew nothing outside of it. They were starstruck.

"Are we like celebrities or some shit?" Blue asks, taking notice of the way creatures walked past their group with flirtatious smiles and exhilarated stares. Women's eyelashes fluttered and the men fascinated at their sight.

"They're mesmerized by witches. Me and Calypso were the only wolves they've ever seen," Jupiter explains.

Sin nods her head slowly in understandment, smiling awkwardly back at everyone. Fern took Sol away from the group to have a discussion on his problem of over sharing. They were replaced by a couple of men and women who didn't say much, but were happy to show the way anywhere they wanted to go.

"Y'all tryna head to the strip club now?" Calypso asks.

Jupiter nods with Blue and Cloud right behind. Buffy grumbles as she says, "Um, no? I said I wanted to go to their boutiques, I saw them as we were making our way into the main part of the city."

"Y’all wanted to go to a boutique?" Blue looks back at the rest of them.

"I don't recall." Trey says sarcastically.

Buffy rolls her eyes. “Fine, the girls will go to the boutiques and get food without you assholes."

"Guess I'm not a girl cause I don't wanna go either, I'm tryna head to the tattoo parlor." Sin adds in, Buffy glaring directly at her.

"Sorry Sinny, Buffy had me at food. Might have to be a lone-ranger on that part." Pheme kisses her cheek, Sin glowers.

"I don't understand why y'all don't wanna come to the club? It's Elysian night, them fairy bitches be doing spins in the air, it's like magic." Calypso scolds, Jupiter agreeing, "No pun intended."

"Y'all foreal tryna see some ass at five in the afternoon?" Aries grimaces, "It ain't even nine o'clock yet."

"It's nine somewhere." Cloud points out, Blue shaking his head with a grin.

"C'mon guys, we can go to the club after! I just wanna go get tatted, Fern literally said they're free." Sin pleads.

"I'm tryna add something to my sleeve, y'all playing right now." Aries says and Sin looks over at him.

Calypso suggests, "Then why don't y'all just go together?"

Silence suddenly goes between the two. Sin feels his eyes as if he wants her to say something first.

"U—Um," she awkwardly laughs, "Pheme? You don't wanna get best friend tattoos?"

"Too unoriginal, plus I'm starving. I know you can't live without me, but sometimes you gotta branch off on your own." Pheme whines.

"Just not at this moment, please?" Sin supplicates, "Elijah?"

"I'm going with Duchess to the Crystal Shop," he mentions one of the women in Providence. Duchess smiles, hazel eyes and light brown hair twinkling under the colors of the buildings.

"Ooh, look at the time," Calypso suddenly looks at his bare wrist, "I gotta— y'all hear something? I think I hear someone calling my name."

He slowly begins walking backwards, Jupiter catching on as he says, "Yup. I hear it too, three syllables, sounds important, y'all hear somebody calling your names?"

"They sound impatient, I hear it too!" Blue plays along. Cloud stares longingly at Sin as she steps forward to touch him, an arm suddenly wrapping around his neck, Trey picking up his legs and dragging him away. He chuckles, his eyes then pulling away from her and following after all of the men running away.

Sin blows our a frustrated breath, looking back to Pheme to protest before Pheme fans her face dramatically, bleating out, "Oh my goodness, I'm melting!"

She spins in circles as she turns away from Sin in the opposite direction, Buffy following her lead and they repeat the sentence theatrically. The woman guiding them giggles as she takes lead in the area of the boutiques.

Sin looks at Aries who stares awkwardly at her rubbing the back of his neck, Sin's forehead falling into her palm as she groans, looking back at him who still has the same expression. She scolds him, quickly turning away and making her way towards the parlor.

Beaming scarlet letters blind their vision as they walk through a doorless opening, a man sitting behind the counter, sea-green hair seeping into his scalp. He chews his gum obnoxiously, flipping through the page of a magazine he's reading. His eyes go upwards as he sees the two walk in, closing the catalog shut as he smiles, "Welcome to Thorns, what y'all looking for?"

"Hi," Sin gives a smile, "We just wanted some tattoos, Fern said that they were free of charge?"

His smile never leaves his face. "To who?"

"Um— to us? Him and Sol invited us to stay and told us to explore the city, they mentioned the parlor and said anything we wanted was on the house." Sin clarifies, Aries eyeing the ridiculous prices behind the man up against the wall in bold alabaster letters.

"Well Fern must've been mistaken, cause the only people getting tattoos free of charge are the people of Elysian performing at Chix on Dix, they're our special guests this weekend."

"...Chix on Dix?" Sin repeats slowly.

"Is there any way we could get a discount then?" Aries cuts off any response he is about to give to Sin, the man smiles and asks, "Sure, you two a couple?"

"Oh no,” Sin shaking her head profusely, Aries coughing at the question.

"Well the only way you're getting a discount is if you're a fairy or a couple, or full price, that's your only option."

"I'm actually half fairy," Sin proudly states, Aries muttering, "Lord."

"Uh... looks like to me you're not. You got the wings? The sparkle? The ethereal-ness?" He asks.

"I have the freckles," Sin pouts, he shakes his head, clear gauges in his ears swinging with him.

"Not gonna be enough here."

Sin thinks for a moment, hoping if she can find Fern he can clear up the situation but she doesn't know her way around nor does she want to go to the trouble. She sighs as she realizes what she's about to do, smiling widely as she corrects herself, "Just kidding. Me and hotness over here like to do a lil' joking from time to time, right babe?"

Aries double takes, repeating, "Babe?"

Sin laughs as if something was entirely funny. "We're into role play."

"Uh, great acting if that's the case." The man stares awkwardly between the two, sitting up entirely from leaning over the counter, "Just go into the room on your right and figure out what you want, I'll be in there in a second."

Sin makes her way into the room and from behind she suddenly hears Aries repeat, "Hotness?“

"What? That was the only way he was gonna drop the prices, it was either that or start shaking ass to prove I’m an exotic dancer."

"We coulda’ did that, I’d believe you."

"Don't play, puppy. I will stab your ass with one of these needles."

"I do like a little foreplay."

Sin snarling, smiles. "Ha."

Sitting herself along the table she swings her feet as she asks, "So what are we thinking, lover? We could could get matching hearts, angel numbers, or, or— and you're gonna love this one— how about a tattoo of you choking me out? For nostalgia?”

"Funny. But nah, I'm thinking of some shit I've been wanting to do, your ideas can come later."

"Well it has to connect in some way," she ponders for a moment, "What day were you born?"

"January fourth," he responds and it causes her interest to peak up as she asks, "Really?"

"What I gotta lie for?"

"Never said that, just surprised, mine is November fourth."

"Congratulations."

Sin frowns. "You're mean like all the time, aren't you? Do you drink children's tears when you open your eyes in the morning?"

Staring over the options of designs along the walls he doesn't say anything back, a short end of a chuckle comes from his lips.

The man from the counter reappears as he asks, "You're a couple who don't know one another's birthday?"

"Uh— comes with the role play, the mystery makes it hotter," she winks.

The man says, ".... Right. Decided what you wanted?"

Sin takes a laminated paper and presses it to her chest, nodding her head as she gleams, "Yup."

Aries then takes one and holds it in his hand as well, going over to sit in a chair next to the table. The man comes up to Sin and asks her to point out the spot she wants hers in, moving her hair out of the way and giving him perfect access to the back of her neck, Aries notices the discoloration along the skin.

He begins by pressing the needles along her skin and she winces, her nails digging into the leather material from the intrusion of uncomfortableness. She breathes unnaturally in Aries’ ears, his eyes scanning down to the ground as he clears his throat and he asks, "What you tryna get?"

"444' in Old English font, and a little fairy with raindrops falling above her." She responded.

"Of course, since you're suddenly a half breed right?"

"That, yes, glad you know," she agrees, "But um— the fairy kinda represents something else. Makes me think of my mom. She had this way of being so perfect and celestial without trying, similar to a fairy."

She goes silent for a moment, tapping her fingers along the leather. To think of Bambi when she really tried not to put a ball in her throat that she couldn't reach, feeling so tight in her airway and she always wished she could talk about her without doing that. She felt weak. Why couldn't she get over it?

"Sorry, I was just rambling cause this shit hurts–”

“You’ good. Keep talking.”

“Um…well...My mom died when I was younger. I don't really remember every moment with her, it's just kinda bits and pieces, blurbs and dreams of this beautiful woman that never stopped smiling. She had a thing for rain. It brought her peace despite any occasion. I know that she is in a better place, but sometimes I just wonder how life would be if she were still here, how she would've calmed me down when Iver was shot, how she would've told me everything was okay. How shit wouldn't be so shitty, you know?"

He was listening, nodding his head although she couldn't see him do so. She smiled to herself as she stated, "When it rains, drizzles, any of that shit— I think of her. Makes me feel close. Makes me feel like she's here."

"Not tryna be disrespectful but— How'd she die?"

Sin sits for a moment. When she goes to open her mouth, the man peaks up in his bent over position as he shouts, "Done!"

Her eyes open and she stares directly at Aries who has a somber look to his face. She swallows, smiling weakly as she places a hair behind her ear, standing from the table as she states, "Your turn."

He hesitantly stands before he gets up and sits on the table, raising up the sleeve of the shirt he wears to get a clear view of his forearm. It's silent as the artist begins. Sin decides not to ask him what he's getting because she's stuck in her own thoughts. He sees that the topic has made her quiet, not used to her big mouthed ass being so silent, it's different.

The needle goes into his skin, the silence in the room carrying the entire atmosphere. "My mom almost died when giving birth to Jupiter and Calypso. Carrying one wolf in a pregnancy was normal, but her having twins was a pain in the ass, she was sick every fuckin' day. When she finally gave birth to them she almost gave out, and when they came they were premature. I was so angry at them for being born, hating them because I thought they were going to kill her. I couldn't imagine losing her or not being around to love me or my pops, or them as well. They could have died too, but they didn't. To have a relationship with someone other than my parents was different, but it was good. Annoying as hell at times and makes me wanna deck they asses in their faces," which makes Sin laugh as he continues, "They've always been there for me, even if I act like they’re the most aggravating people. They make me feel better. They love me unconditionally, that's the type of shit I need."

Sin suppresses the feeling of warmth that wants to come upon her face. To hear him being more open then she'd ever heard before, it was also different.

"Maybe we have a lot more in common than you think we do." She points out.

"Don't get comfortable, this is me tolerating you."

She rolled her eyes, focusing her hands along her lap as the tattoo artist mutters, "This is the oddest couple I've ever met. But uh— done!"

When he moves out the way Sin sees an '444 in Old English writing as well, below it what looks to be planet Mars above Jupiter, one ring casting around the planet, she assumes it to represent Calypso.

"Look at him knowing his Astrology, your Aries is in Mars."

He blinks. "I don't even know what the fuck that means."

She giggles, immediately stopping when she hears herself do so. She eyes the tattoo, seeing how sentimental the meaning behind it was that it brought something in her chest she hadn't felt in a long time. She can't help the sign of happiness that wants to come along her face.

When Aries notices he raises an eyebrow, "Why you lookin' at me like I just showed you all A's on my report card?"

"I wanna show you something."

He eyes her up and down. "I don't like you that much, shawty."

"Shawty? Be quiet. C'mon."

He's about to protest when she suddenly yanks him across the room by his arm despite being as large as he is, dropping money on the counter as she yells, "Thank you!"

She continues yanking him and he grunts, "Sin," eyes staring as she pulls him all the way down the pathway until they turned the corner, the outside vibrations dying down and the noise level going quiet when they made it to their destination. Mossy Willow trees conjugated around one another and sat around a cobalt pond, more lily pads scattering along the water and baby frogs hopping from one to another. The peacefulness of the area was something rare, hearing nothing but the sounds of the dragonflies singing and the grass breathing in the wind.

"Why are we here?" He asks, standing behind her as she's turned away from him.

"I seen this on the way to the parlor," she responds, leaning down to the water and pressing her finger over a lily pad, it fades into a glowy clover of green, the fuschia water lily spreading open, slowly closing back in as quickly as it presented itself. She pulls him closer to the pond where he stands right in front of it while putting her fingers over his eyes as she says, "No peeking!”

"I told you I wasn't with that freak-shit—"

"Aries. Just do it, please?"

He sighs, pulling her hands down before closing his eyes himself. He then feels her presence pull away from him, his nose releasing the smell of vanilla in his senses. Why does the absence bug him? It's now silent to where he can barely hear her moving, only hearing a frog croak in his ears. It's peaceful.

"Open."

Opening his eyes, he sees Sin bent in front of the pond again as she presses her finger along the lagoon, swirling her index above the body of water. She continues the motion until it begins to swirl. Her squatting position slowly reaches up until she fully extends herself, shooting her arm upwards into the atmosphere above them. The water takes off, striking into the sky and Aries is now attentive as he expects it to hit the pond, yet it spreads to different reaches of the stars. Cream fluffs encompass the water below itself and spit out more rain, the sudden case of weather falling into the pond gracefully, the baby frogs reaching their thumbs upward for their nutrients and the flowers humming, continuing to sway back and forth.

Sin sees the way Aries' cocoa eyes go awestruck at the sight, seeing how serene the animals and plants are at the sight of rain, seeing how it could be so calming to watch. His head flies upward as a crack whips through his ears, a light shooting through his eyes yet it doesn't scare him. Instead he begins to walk forward until he's standing right in front of the pond next to Sin. She keeps her eyes against the show but fights biting back her smile that he's not afraid, but fascinated.

He raises his hand and goes out to touch it, chain falling into his shirt. A spurt sprays onto his face and he laughs wholeheartedly like a child. Sin laughs to herself at his reaction, his eyes big and doe like in such a way she'd never seen before.

Going to reach his hand out again he doesn't realize a rock is right across his foot, he trips as he curses beneath his lips. Sin goes to quickly grab for his shirt when he pulls her down until they hit the shallow waters, Sin's dress soaked entirely under it, cursing, "Fuckk—" but instead she laughs to herself, looking up to see Aries atop of her and he hastily mutters, "Fuck, my bad."

"It's okay."

Getting a full look into his face, she sees him. Behind the expensive gold fronts that give him a higher look of intimidation, eyes that were constantly expressionless up until this moment. A man with so much aggression behind his appearance, all it took was someone to allow him to be vulnerable to give it up. Smooth complexion gives a tint of blue under the moonlight, she moves her arm in the water to realize how hard she's staring.

"Sorry— I didn't—"

"I'm sorry." He suddenly says.

Her eyes look over the baby frog that now makes a croak loudly beside her, looking back at him and her heart stammers as she asks, "For what?"

"What I did to you–The things I said to you. I'm really sorry."

Either of them say nothing for a moment, Sin's heartbeat becoming so fast she wishes she could stop it, stuttering as she says, "It's okay—"

"The fuck going on in here?!"

They both look behind as they see Blue and Cloud suddenly make their way into the area of the pond, laughing as Blue has his arm around Cloud's neck again. He removes it when they see Aries on top of Sin without any backstory. Sin gasps quietly in her throat as he pulls her up before she can think about the next move she's about to do, stepping out of the pond with him and staring over Aries' soaked clothes, her dark dress damp, and the ends of her hair wet as well.

"Yeah, what the fuck is going on in here?" Cloud repeats.

Sin laughs awkwardly since Aries says nothing and she excuses, "Mutt wanted to play in the mud. We fell."

She thinks that her excuse comes off as a joke but when she sees Aries' face and he glares at her, her eyes set a confusion on why he suddenly looks like that. Blue looks between the two with a frown before he says, "Uh. Okay then. Well c'mon bro, you missed out on the first half of the hoes!"

"Hey—" she goes to speak to him and he walks towards Blue who excitedly walks in front of him, yet Aries never looks back. He looks Cloud directly in his face who never breaks eye contact until the friends disappear. Sin presses her lips together, wanting to kick herself in the throat.

"You okay?" Cloud asks, beginning to rub the sticks off of her as she softly replies, "Yeah, it was just an accident."

Seeing how out of focus she is with the question it makes Cloud stop in his actions as he then prods at her, "Was it really?"

She now looks him in his eyes, seeing the seriousness sitting beneath them and she nods her head, bringing her hand to the back of his neck and pressing her lips along his to distract him. When she pulls back she realizes they still have to go meet everyone at the club, looking down to her appearance as she grumbles, "Fuck, my hair. How the fuck am I suppose to go to the club looking like this?"

"Uh, I don't know if you forgot but," he leans downwards and whispers as if he has a secret, "We have powers."

She backs away from his face, smushing her palm into it and he chuckles.

"Right."

–

LIGHTS STROBE ACROSS THE CLUB, A REGULAR PERSON'S EYES WOULD HAVE STRAINED AT THE SIGHT. Voices of different conversations, men encouraging the women to entertain them with low eyes, seductive moves, devilish grins. Outfits from innocent pastels and ravishing darkened tones, while other men and women were completely naked under the greenery that hung around their bisque and toffee complexions.

Red lights now accompanied the entire atmosphere as bodies stuck together and danced vulgarly on the floor, her eyes going up to a balcony where more dancers continued to move effortlessly in sexy positions, their miraculously colored wings fluttering as money was thrown at them, glitter cascading down the balcony and onto the people below it. It was a sight to see.

A hand was what pulled her away from the stage, dizzily being turned around to meet Cloud's physique. She looks around to see all her friends enjoying themselves as Buffy smacks the ass of a woman dancing on her, dropping ones effortlessly along her legs, the boys right behind her as they throw more money on her. She then takes sight of Aries who's nodding his head to the music playing, his eyes immediately going to hers when he feels her staring.

She feels something in her chest again. The pressure releases when Cloud presses an object along his lips and inhales. He then grips the back of Sin’s throat and pulls her forward, blowing the smoke in between her lips, her body relaxing into it as her eyes close shut and she inhales, breathing out a second later. He then kisses her in a way that he only would if they were alone. Her eyes sprung open at this, looking around as a brown liquor enveloped her taste buds, now coming to the conclusion that he's a little intoxicated. Or trying to prove a point.

"Can you stop helicoptering over my woman and go get us some drinks?" Pheme asks towards Cloud and he responds, "Don't get smacked in this club, Phem."

"I'll scream out that I'm a white woman in need of help."

"Can't scream if you already dead." They both smile at each other sarcastically, his fingers taking the money out of her hand and disappearing over to the bar.

"You're welcome," Pheme states, "Wanna tell me why you've been staring like a deer stuck in headlights?"

"I have?" Sin hasn't realized.

"You have. Did something happen with Aries?"

"No. I mean— yes. I mean— no?" She stammers, sighing as she continues, "I don't know. We went to the parlor and as we were getting tattoos we just kinda learned some things about each other and it was so out of character for him to be so—"

"Vulnerable?"

"... Yeah." She agrees, "Then we went over to this pond and when I was doing this water show for him we ended up falling in the pond together, it was an accident but something about the way he looked under the moonlight and the way he stared at me. It just…felt different."

When she expects Pheme to understand her, Pheme's eyes go low as she states, "So you think the man is in love with you because he gave you a little sob story and stared into your eyes?"

Sin closes her mouth. "Never mind, it's stupid."

"I don't know, maybe he does have a little crush on you." She shrugs, going into Sin's shirt and pulling out the wad of money as Sin mutters, "If he did in that moment, I'm sure it's gone now."

"Exactly, but what other way to get over a man by having a fine ass woman bouncing on your lap?" Pheme smiles, grabbing her hand and pulling her forward into where everyone else stood. She wanted to talk more about the situation but seeing that no one else was truly concerned about anything but having fun in the club, that's what she decided her intentions were by the end of the night. Maybe this was something that she could bring up tomorrow. But by the sight of Aries’ usual intimidating stance coming along his face each time she looked at him, maybe not.

#aesthetic #black #black fantasy #black love #black stories #reading #romance #writers on tumblr #black literature #black tumblr #salem witch trials #witch aesthetic #witchythings #witchcraft #witches #wolves #poc reader #my writing #new salem

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thiswasinevitableid · 4 years ago

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for the mermay fills: indruck, 25, any rating

Here you go! I went with SFW for this one.

The thing no one tells you about journeys of self-discovery is that they’re really fucking boring.

Duck’s been on this highway for days, and another highway for the days before that. He wanted to see the desert in the spring, but it’s involved fewer super-blooms and more butterflies dying on his windshield than he hoped.

Now he’s on some two lane strip of barely paved road in the vast expanse between Las Vegas and Reno. Green catches his eye to his left; a ribbon of well-watered trees shines in the distance. Closer to the road are dueling picket signs shoved into the ground, some demanding the preservation of the tiny pocket of wetlands and others proclaiming this the site of the Hungry Man Casino expansion. The signs continue all the way to the tiny town of Kepler, where he pulls into a gas station in front of Tarkesian’s General Store.

After filling the tank and chatting with the owner and his incongruous New York accent, Duck decides to stop in Kepler for the night. The road north is mostly open range, and he’s already had one near miss with a cow on a pitch black stretch of asphalt. The lone place to rest is the Reconciliation Motel Court and Casino. He gets his key, pulls up to the chipped door, and flops onto the burnt orange bedspread for a nap.

He doesn’t wake up until eight at night, wondering what the hell is wrong with the other guests that they’re all playing music loud enough for him to hear. He counts at least six separate voices, their overlap meaning the lyrics turn to gibberish. It’s still hot and stuffy in the room, and maybe outside will be quiet. He pulls on his swim trunks and rash guard; a peek out the window at the pool shows it’s empty and that, plus the general sparseness of the parking lot, makes him confident enough that he won’t bump into anyone and try to make up some lie about being shy or mormon or whatever the hell else would explain a dude keeping a top on to swim.

But, just his luck, when he latches the pool gate shut, he discovers he’s not alone. A man with silver hair floats in the pool, eyes closed. When Duck sets a towel on the chair, his eyes fly open and he dives under the water, giving Duck twin shocks: glowing red eyes and a long, jet black tail.

“What the fuck?” He says aloud in case someone else is watching and can explain why there’s a fucking mermaid in the pool.

The merman resurfaces, blinking at him, “How in the world did you get in here?”

“Uhhhh…” Duck points to the gate.

“You...you see the pool? Do you see the motel as well?”

Duck turns, wondering if this is some kind of prank, “yeah?”

“Apologies” the merman swims to the edge of the pool nearest him, “it was such an unlikely future I am having a hard time processing it.”

“You’re havin a hard time”

“Oh, oh of course, this is all very confusing to you. Here, have a seat.” He gestures to one of the pool chairs. Not knowing what else to do, Duck sits.

“Now, have you heard singing while you have been here?”

“Yep. Thought it was the other guests.”

The merman shakes his head, “They are sirens. As am I. We are the descendants of sirens who lived here in the days when there was far more water in this area. As the water dwindled, we made our home in that river and wetlands” he points towards the south end of town, “and then the founders of this fine establishment decided to catch us and use us to lure people to their rundown casino. Since you are about to ask, a siren song shows you what you want; turns out many people want the promise of easy money, food, or sex. But you...somehow you do not seem to respond to it.”

Duck shrugs, “Guess not.”

“I wonder...hmm, perhaps you do not want anything?”

“Don’t think that’s it. Been drivin up and down the country lookin for somethin I want but can’t name.”

The merman rests his arms on the concrete, “You must tell me everything about your travels.”

“I mean, uh, they ain’t all that excitin-”

“I have been stuck in this pool for three years.”

“Okay yeah, more excitin than that. Also, what the fuck?”

“There are ones like it in almost all the lower level rooms. I get stuck out here because I will not sing, but due to having future sight I am too valuable to do away with.”

“This ain’t gettin less fucked up.”

The merman laughs, “Perhaps that is why you don’t fall prey to our song; you are just very honest.”

“That a nice way of sayin I can’t lie for shit?”

“I suppose so.” He grins, sharp teeth glinting in the yellow streetlights, “regardless, I am glad you are not susceptible. I haven’t spoken to anyone aside from the owners in months. They even keep me from my own kind.” His tone is breezy, but Duck sees the flash of pain in his eyes.

“What’s your name?”

“Indrid. Yours?”

“Can’t you see it comin?” He teases.

“Yes, but I want to hear you say it. I get ahead of others often enough as it is.”

“Duck. It’s a nickname.”

Indrid flips his tail once, “Care to join me for an evening swim, Duck.”

“You ain’t gonna eat me or anythin, right?”

“I only taste humans when offered” His tail undulates hypnotically as he pushes into deeper water. Then he pauses, “that was meant as flirtation and not as a threat.”

Duck slides into the water, smiling when he meets Indrid’s nervous gaze “Yeah, I got that.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

“See, you can tell it’s a saguaro because--fuck” the camera slips from Duck’s hand, only for Indrid’s to shoot out and catch it before it hits the water.

“Thanks, ‘Drid, startin’ to wonder what I’d do without you.”

The mer, cheek resting on the warm concrete, shifts sideways so he can bump Duck’s knee with his forehead, “The feeling is mutual.”

For the last two weeks Duck’s stayed at the motel, watching his fellow occupants walk zombie-like through doors or stagger from them in a daze when their money runs out and the owners kick them to the curb to make way for new targets. Following Indrid’s instructions, he delivers messages between the trapped sirens, the kind they dare not sing aloud, brings them things they’re missing, like favorite foods or things to do, when he can manage it.

He’s also careful to spend time in town, away from any lingering influence of the siren songs. Leo Tarkesian gives him a job in the store, and he strikes up a friendship with a woman going by the name of Mama, who comes in once a week with beautiful wood carvings for Leo to set out for sale. It turns out her family used to own the motel before Reconciliation swooped in and stole it in what Mama insists was an illegal move.

“Worst part is, they crowed about creatin jobs, bringin’ in more tourists. But they won’t let no one outside their inner circle work there, and folks who stop never leave and visit the rest of town. Now they’re gunnin for the state park. But they ain’t gonna get away with it this time.”

More than anything, Duck spends his time with Indrid. The siren tells him stories about life in the wetlands and river, Duck tells him about his travels, about his home, talks with him until the stars come out, would stay until they go away again except the mer tells him he needs his sleep.

Indrid is a very encouraging conversation partner, disdain and aloofness only appearing when he has to speak to the owners of the motel. He’s also very affectionate, resting his head in Duck’s lap or winding his tail around him whenever he stands in the water. Which is why, when he asks Duck if he’s made up his mind about what to do come fall, his fingers are stroking the humans back and his tail is lazily petting his legs.

“I dunno. I could go back and finish my degree, become a ranger and all that. But what if I’m only doin that because I feel like it’s what I’m supposed to do?”

Indrid brushes Duck’s hair from his forehead, “When you think of the future where you meet that goal, how do you feel.”

“Happy. Content. Like, like there’s a thing I can do to keep the world healthy and whole. Sometimes I feel like I’m supposed to be out there savin the world, solvin every problem, makin everythin better. And that’s too damn much. But when I think about havin some forest or park or somethin where part of my job is to care for it, help it grow...yeah, think I could do that.” He smiles at the image of his future self those words conjure.

Indrid smiles at the current him, brushes their noses together, “It seems to me that you have your answer.”

Duck loops his arms around Indrid’s waist, “Then again, could just stay here, look after you and the other sirens forever.”

Chlorine stings his eyes as Indrid zips backwards, looking as if he’s been slapped.

“‘Drid? What’s wrong?”

“You cannot stay here any longer.”

“What do you mean? I wanna stay. I wanna be with you.”

“No! Don’t you see? This is how the song gets you. It is making you think that your greatest wish is to stay in this crumbling motel, looking after a siren who has seen better days.”

“Hold the fuck on” Duck tries to swim to him, only for Indrid to swim further out of reach, “‘Drid, it’s real fuckin insultin to tell a fella that the only reason he feels how he feels is because of a magic song. Maybe I am startin to feel the effects, but I know that when I think about you, no matter how near or far to this fuckin pool I am, I wanna be with you. I’ve fallen in love before, I can recognize the feelin from a mile away. And it’s what I’m feelin now.” He crosses his arms, daring Indrid to argue.

The siren swims to him, cups his face in cool hands, “It’s what I feel too. Why do you think I cannot ask you to stay? I am a prisoner here, Duck. If you remain for my sake, you will be one as well. I cannot do that to you. I know the agony of being cut off from the world you love, and you have so much love yet to give it I cannot, will not, rob you of the chance to do so.”

“I…” Duck he mirrors Indrid’s touch, runs his thumbs along his cheeks.

“Please” Indrid kisses him once, softly, “please, if you love me, don’t stay here and make me watch you decay.”

Duck pulls Indrid as close as he can, kisses him until his lips ache and the siren is pliant and purring in his arms.

“I’ll go. I fuckin hate the idea of leavin you here, but I’ll go.”

“Thank you.”

“There’s just one thing you gotta let me do first. Will you let me introduce you to another human? She’s got almost as much cause to hate Reconciliation as you do, and I got a hunch you two might be able to help each other out.”

Indrid cocks his head, then nods, “Of course, my love. Just tell her to wear earplugs and bring something to write on.”

-------------------------------------------------------

The cottonwoods rustle in the summer breeze as Indrid floats lazily down the river on his back. A family is picnicking outside the visitor center, but only the youngest member of it sees him. She waves. He raises his tail in reply, smiling when she spills her drink in delight.

Most sirens give the heavily trafficked parts of the park a wide berth, still wary of interactions with humans. Indrid doesn’t blame them; Reconciliation was chased out ten years ago, but their memory lingers like smog. He himself stays clear of unfamiliar groups of humans whenever possible.

But today, the futures show him the park is welcoming a new ranger. And so he swims back and forth, hoping the recent arrival will see him. Hoping he remembers.

“I’m sorry sir, but swimmin ain’t allowed in this chunk of the river.” A teasing drawl drifts over his shoulder.

He spins in what he hopes is an elegant way, accidentally splashing the figure on the bank behind him.

“Of course.” He grins, swimming over and resting his arms on the bank and batting his eyelashes as the ranger crouches down to meet him, “how very rude of me. I am terribly sorry.”

Duck’s smile is brimming with years of stored up affection, the lines on his face hinting at stories Indrid cannot wait to hear, “S’okay. For my favorite roadside siren, I’m happy to make an exception.”

#indruck #indrid cold/duck newton #mermay

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yourdailykitsch · 4 years ago

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Do you know why Taylor is so closed off? I understand being a celebrity can be tough but seems like you only hear about him when he’s about to film something.

Answer: He just likes his privacy. He prides himself on keeping his private life private. I think it was an Elle feature that was done on him when the interviewer commented on how she couldn't find any dirt on him and he was like gleeful about it. He's the kind of celebrity we're not used to, the kind that is actually in it for the work and not the "celebrity" and instagram followers and clout. I actually think the celebrity of it all overwhelms him a bit. He mentioned that after FNL came onto Netflix he went to a Rangers game and the number of people that approached him was almost too much. He's appreciative of it, but I think he likes that he can go to LA or New York and do the media and press, red carpet for an event and that's it, then he can go be normal in Texas.

Ask #2: Who’s with Taylor in LA? Does Jennifer ever go on any of his movie sets? Does anyone know how long he will be shooting in LA?

Answer: His friend Kevin is there with him, I'd imagine acting as his PA this time around. Jennifer has gone to visit him on location in the past. Online sources say that production goes until August, I don't know if that means it's done by August or into August...but August is the answer.

Ask #3: 🚨TAYLOR WAS ON SET TODAY! 🚨Christ Pratt posted an Instagram story about him! No pictures accompanied but maybe this means they could? Who knows? But chris spoke highly of him which was nice to hear!

Answer: I know it kind of seemed like Chris and Taylor were just working together on set for the first time but I don't think that's true. There was an extra that mentioned that he'd been on set with Taylor/Chris a bit ago as well and it was an emotional scene. The extra mentioned how he needed to step up his game after seeing how both Chris and Taylor could go from so emotional on camera to laughing off. But it's nice that they're getting along and I love that Chris spoke highly of him. If they don't do the Murph together I'll be bummed.

Ask #4: What's Taylor's character in the Terminal list like? I've tried looking it up but the only description of Ben Edwards that I can find is "womanizer" 😂

Answer: That's kind of his depth in the book to be honest. I feel like his role will be expanded upon on the show but he's an ex Navy SEAL who is now in the CIA, kind of described as a beach bum now, not clean cut, in jeans and flip flops, womanizer...been married a few times. I don't want to say more without spoiling.

Ask #5 and #6: Do you think Taylor got his role in terminal list because of his role in 21 bridges? Is anyone from lone survivor working on terminal list?

Answer: It would not shock me if some of the guys that have worked with Taylor on both Lone Survivor and True Detective are there on set for The Terminal List as well. Do I think he got his role because of 21 Bridges? Or I guess American Assassin or Savages or Lone Survivor or any of his military based roles...I don't want to say he's being pigeon holed but he does seem to gravitate toward these roles and does well with them.

Ask #7: Having now read The Terminal List, I find this a strange project for Taylor. Not in the sense that it’s bad but his character doesn’t really do much. Like kind of just one note. I know for the show it may be rewritten (and hopefully is) so that he’s more prominent and important. I really wanna see him do something a bit different. I know he’s said he has some stuff in the pipeline but that was back in January right? Inferno and Pieces (if they ever happen) do sound a bit different whilst still being something familiar, but I’d love to see him do something he has NEVER done. Maybe something will be announced soon until then we’ll just have to hold our hope that the Terminal List is great !

Answer: This was my reaction after reading it. You could probably count the number of scenes he's in on one hand. I have to believe that his role will be expanded upon in the show or why would he do it? I don't want to think that this is what he's being reduced to and has to take because he's not being offered other roles. So I have to trust that he knows what he's doing. But like I mentioned in the last answer, he's being pigeon holed a bit here...he might want to try something different. Inferno would be a good start, just genre wise.

Ask #8: Have you noticed that celebrities that Taylor works with don’t follow him on Instagram. Do you reckon that don’t know he has it?

Answer: I think part of the issue is he's just not active on there, some people might not know he has it. Though Chris Pratt got the coveted Taylor follow on instagram. I mean Taylor wasn't even following Derek Phillips who he's closer with than anyone until this week...

Ask #9: Has jack carr said anything about Taylor?

Answer: He did do a podcast where he talked about being on The Terminal List set and how normal everyone was and that he and Taylor texted at some point that he was nice, but that was about it. The focus was more on Chris since he's the lead.

Ask #10: Is the Australian version of shadowplay mans version or American? Will the DVD be mans version when sold there?

Answer: I cannot give you a definitive answer for sure on this, but as SBS aired the original version and that's the only one that has been shown in Australia I have to imagine the DVD would be the original version.

#taylor kitsch #ask me anything #ask me

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officialleotolstoy · 4 years ago

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Oh Dolokhov/Hélène Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov/Hélène playlist annotations!

I stole several songs from a playlist my friends have and I’m not gonna put those on this list, I won’t pretend I came up with those

The ship playlists (since they aren’t for canon couples) are very much based on my headcanons. We don’t get to see them interact literally ever so I’ve just extrapolated what I can. Several of these songs are at least alluding to sex, I don’t really think they actually slept together for various reasons I can enumerate if someone asks, but it’s more about the vibes of the song.

Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco

It’s literally in the title. Bestie how much more explanation do you need? I don’t even like this song but it’s got the right energy

Those Nights - Bastille

“Aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? Looking for somebody you can wake up with?”

Being drawn to each other because of mutual loneliness is a Thing in my interpretation of their relationship, and this hits the nail on the head.

But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

“Praying for love and paying in naïveté”

Again, mutual loneliness and desperation for anything resembling love. Also the “isn’t this exactly where you like me” bit fits because they won’t admit to liking each other outside of their weird intimate moments.

Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco

“Drop our anchors in a storm”

The circumstances of their lives arent super fun at the moment so they find refuge in each other but in a very weird kind of unhealthy way! “We are a hurricane” sort of alludes to knowing that you’re causing problems/your relationship isn’t great.

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

“I’m almost me again, she’s almost you”

It’s about not really being In Love but kind of convincing yourself you are because it makes you feel better in the circumstances. I don’t think either of them were fully into their relationship for various reasons. Not as in they didn’t want the other, more that they were both too aware it would never work for long.

Hall & Oates - Satchmode

“I want to be in love again, with you”

This one’s about wanting the idea of love and companionship more than you actually like the other person, which I feel like kind of fits. This song is framed as one person in love with the other and one hesitating, but i think this works for both of them to hesitate.

Feel Something - Jaymes Young

“Touch me, someone, I’m too young to feel so numb”

The I have tried like six times and I can’t word why I think this song works. I don’t even like it, I skip it every time, but I think it’s got something to do with loneliness and desperation for love driving them to look for it in places they wouldn’t normally? Who knows. Send me an ask if u do.

Another Place - Bastille

“Don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break”

They could never actually be together for SO many reasons and I think they’re both pretty aware of that. They have no desire to pretend that their relationship is anything other than what it is (“we only ever wanted one thing from this”).

When You Were Young - The Killers

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you”

I do not think Hélène expected Dolokhkov to save her from anything except maybe monotony and loneliness, but this song slaps and if I can stretch the lyrics to work, I will

broken - lovelytheband

“I could be lonely with you”

Almost every song on here (including this one) is just. We’re messed up and I know we won’t really find love in each other but we might find solace for a while and be less lonely so uhhhhh wanna kiss me or what

Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

“You stand up, stand up, before I drag you down”

They are NOT good for each other! Toxic relationships uwu

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

I believe in bi4bi Hélène/Dolokhov

Enemy Fire - Bea Miller

“Sweet words from a serpent’s tongue”

This song is kinda complicated and parts of it don’t fit but the energy of “everything sucks including you but at least we can hide from the suckiness together” is sorta there. Originally I just added it for the soldier vibes because I was testing out songs but I realized i can fit some of the lyrics so on the playlist it goes

Angel of the Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

“Her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean”

They are horrible and cold to each other as a love language. This song is essentially just “Wow my evil scary gf is so hot” and you’re right Fyodor. She is.

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

I won’t lie this one’s mostly a joke, I just think the vibes of telling someone to shut up as (maybe because) you’re falling in love with them is Dolokhov/Hélène energy. Ignore all the parts about wanting to be with her forever and her being his destiny that is not why I added it.

Lone Ranger - Rachel Platten

“I’m just gonna leave, ‘cause baby I’m a lone ranger”

I do not think Dolokhov was intending to stay with her forever at all. Very rude of him. However, she probably also knew it wouldn’t last forever, she’s not stupid.

House of Memories - Panic! At The Disco

“Promise me a place in your house of memories”

This is very much post-duel, their relationship has fizzled out but it was pretty important (do I mean emotionally or to the plot? I’ll never tell) and deserves to be remembered.

American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy

“I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”

SO MANY of these lyrics are so good for them like. Hélène’s beautiful Dolokhov’s a psycho... “you take the full truth and you pour some out” can you imagine them being open and honest with each other? Yeah, me neither. “We were pity sex” They were just sad and lonely! That was what allowed anything to happen at all in my head (not sex but bear with me it’s not my fault those are the lyrics). “All those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep” because Hélène is married to someone else, they really have no right to think of each other that way.

Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne

“He wasn’t good enough for her”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. Hélène’s complaints about Dolokhov staying with them are just the quoted lyric. “They had a problem with his baggy clothes” yeah Dolokhov’s not as rich and bougie and the rest of them and he’s certainly rough around the edges. And then the skater boy ending with a successful music career vs Dolokhov ending with a successful military career and a great reputation and both the women in the songs having sad endings...I’m not wrong.

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?”

The affair vibes. The AFFAIR VIBES. And the concept of “I will never end up like him [the husband]/ behind my back I already am” in reference to using Hélène and deciding he hates her right after deciding she’s hot...okay! I see you kinning Pierre, Dolokhov. You ARE being just like her husband :/

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame”

This is just Dolokhov’s massive I Hate Women monologue condensed. Stop blaming beautiful women for YOUR attraction to them maybe 🔫

Death Valley - Fall Out Boy

“Don’t take love off the table yet”

This is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is n-

I didnt add it for that reason it was about a vibe but then. I realized. Now the original reason doesn’t even matter.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

“I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake”

Tell me the quoted lyric does not SCREAM Hélène/Dolokhov. You can’t. Also “I’ll weigh you down I’ll watch you choke/You look so good in blue” really captures hatred as a love language.

This is Love - Air Traffic Controller

Ok I stole this from my friends’ playlist but I did want to explain it because it’s not JUST Dolokhov and Hélène in my mind. The whole jealous fool second verse gives me Pierre around the duel energy as well

Bad Boy - Cascada

“Be my weekend lover but don’t be my friend”

Bernie Sanders voice I am once again asking you to hear me out about the unironic meme songs on my War and Peace character playlists. It’s got the refusal to admit that she actually likes hanging out with him down. The line “after some time you just pushed me aside” referring to Dolokhov teasing Pierre about their affair because he got bored. “I dont need you in my life again”...YEAH I’m fairly sure they dont interact in canon again after that.

Hayloft - Mother Mother

“My daddy’s got a gun”

This song started playing on accident once when I was listening to this playlist and I was like huh. It fits though. The gun thing is twofold: 1) Though he is not her father, Pierre does have a gun in the duel and 2) I think Vassily would happily shoot Dolokhov for his relationships with Vassily’s kids. It’s also just the general forbidden love vibes mixed with the violence vibes.

affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS

“I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places and we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

Have I been clear enough about my thesis that their relationship is based in mutual loneliness? Also, I like the acknowledgment that this is in fact the wrong place. I think they’re both very aware of that.

Walk Away - Franz Ferdinand

“Yes I’m cold but not as cold as you are”

This song is for them post-duel. Especially the “I cannot stand to see those eyes as apologies may rise/I must be strong, stay an unbeliever” because 1) I hear the word eyes, I think of Dolokhov and 2) I think she’s too smart to believe any apology he would give her, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. The song kinda reads as someone trying to convince themselves they’re happy that the relationship is over, which I think is definitely what happens for both of them.

Van Horn - Saint Motel

“Tell me do you hate me? Or do you wanna date me?”

Obsessed with the dynamic of “I like you but that’s embarrassing for both of us I’m gonna act like I hate you instead”

#war and peace #helene kuragina #fedya dolokhov #my post #w&p playlists #helenkhov #is that their ship name??? idk #someone tell me what it is ill owe u my life

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