#you thought i was done being emo about them? GUESS AGAIN

[seaofserene]

doomed by the narrative.

(ft. @shadowsceptered)

[denwritesandcries]

Call me Yours – N.S

Pairing: natalie scatorccio x fem!reader

Summary: You’re in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio. How ironic.

Word count: 2,3k.

Content: NSFW minors dni, no crash!AU, cursing, arguing, jealousy, makeout session, thigh riding, slightly toxic behavior?? but it wouldn't be a yellowjacket relationship if it weren't just a little.

Note: Is it a secret relationship?? Friends with benefits??? I don't know man but they’re horny.

English is not my first language.

You're in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio.

There is a party going on outside, students filling the rooms of Lottie's house with loud generic music playing in the background, but the small room you two were locked in remained silent, too silent.

“See ya’ in 7 minutes, ladies!” Van's mocking voice cuts through the air, but a knife could have done the same; the blonde snorts and you roll your eyes, fixing your gaze somewhere in the darkness so you don't have to face her.

“Ugh, how old does she think we are?” Natalie hisses, you can feel her eyes on your face, even though you can't see much more than the outline of her body at the moment.

You say nothing, arms crossed over your chest and a frown covering your face, Nat tries again:

“I didn’t even want to come to this stupid party.”

“I get it,” you bite, just because you know her well enough to guess that she won’t stop complaining until she gets something out of you, “I get that you don’t want to be here, Natalie.”

She must finally realize how mad you are – mad at her – at the sound of her full name instead of the nickname that always seemed to be on the tip of your tongue, because you swear you can hear her teeth chattering when she shuts her mouth.

With a growl of frustration, you let your head hit the wall with a thud. Great, your night was already being shit, the last thing you needed was to end up playing 7 minutes in heaven with the person who was the cause of your bad mood. Simply amazing.

You see, Natalie had been acting weird for days now, randomly avoiding your company and acting like she didn't know you in the school hallways and being really rude to you during practice. Now, this might even be normal and acceptable behavior from the quiet blonde if you were anyone else, but you weren't. You are her girlfriend.

Are? Were? You don't know for sure anymore given the way she's been acting lately.

Maybe it wouldn't have made you so angry – confused? Yes. Sad? Definitely, but not angry like that – if it weren't for today, for the party.

You had planned to meet Nat at Lottie's party and corner her to finally make her explain what the hell is wrong, dammit, because one afternoon you're smoking with your girlfriend and friends quietly in the basement and the next she's throwing you daggers with her glance every time you open your mouth around her. Anyway, that's what you were going to do, until you found her in the Matthews' giant kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of beer in her hand and Kevyn Tan practically throwing himself at her, keeping an arm full of spike bracelets wrapped around her shoulders and face with heavy makeup too close to hers to be considered friendly, drooling for Nat like he's always done since you've known about his existence.

Now that really pissed you off.

Who does that sad, emo, pitiful boy think he is to touch your girlfriend like that? And why is she letting him?

You think she could feel you fuming as you stared at them from the door, because the next second she lifted her head and looked at you like a deer caught in the headlights, as if she knew exactly that she was doing something she shouldn't have.

Screw it, you thought, if she'd rather act like you didn't matter anymore, then fine. You won't be standing just watching.

You turned around and only managed to disappear around the house for the next half hour before Taissa appeared with a tired frown and practically dragged you to where the group had gathered with an empty bottle, because Van and Jackie wanted to play something – 'If I'm in this, then you’re too!’ – and well, fuck.

You two have been completely quiet for almost a whole minute and that it's eating you alive; Nat has always handled silence well, you haven't.

Fidgeting with the hem of your own shirt angrily, you huff and give up on the tough act, the blonde straightens up when she hears your footsteps approaching her.

"What is happening?" Your voice comes out in a shamefully desperate tone, “Why are you acting like this with me? What did I do?"

You can see her now, being so close and now used to the dark; her fists are clenched, Natalie keeps her eyes fixed on your figure. For a moment, you think she's going to keep her cold facade and avoid your question with some sarcastic response, she most likely considered it, from the way her mouth opens and closes for a quick moment.

She turns her face to the side, trying to hide, but you can see the difference in tone in the paleness of her skin anyway. Oh, she's embarrassed.

“Nat?”

She mumbles something you don't understand, then your curiosity gives way to the anger and your hands find her face, turning it so Natalie is looking at you.

"What was this?" You ask again, softly this time.

“You called me your girlfriend.” She spits it out fast as if it were just a single sentence, rolling her eyes at your confused face, “You called me your girlfriend to everyone when we were smoking after practice last week.”

Oh, you remember that, when Jackie decided to lecture you all about the smell of smoke that lingered on her clothes after she and Shauna decided to tag along on one of your hangouts with Lottie, Van and Tai, turning up her nose and talking about how you all – and especially Nat – should stop with this habit. ‘Jackie, stop bothering my girlfriend!’, that’s what you said. Is that what made you spend a whole week grounded in the doghouse?

“...And isn’t that what we are?” You try, unsure. This conversation is not taking a very pleasant turn toward a reconciliation.

Nat bites hard her bottom lip, you can see her struggling with the next words:

“It’s just… no one was supposed to know.”

“Oh,” you mutter pathetically, sounding very much like a wounded puppy, “So that’s the problem.”

You're in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio. How ironic.

You can tell she regrets it the moment she says it, grabbing your hands in hers as you pull away.

“No, no, I’m sorry. I– I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you meant that then?” Your initial anger and frustration return with a vengeance, you move forward until Nat's back hits a shelf in the small room.

Natalie always does this. Avoid anything that labels your relationship as real; calling your dates ‘hangouts’, not touching you when there are people around, leaving your house before you wake up in the morning, avoiding kisses and caresses that don't initiate anything sexual, calling you ‘friend’ when you can see that the whole team knows this is not all you two are.

Still, – still – she always shows up at your house when she's upset; she doesn't like it when you miss your 'hangouts'; always stays close to you wherever you are together; gets mad when she sees you talking to other girls, even if they are nothing more than classmates; leaves marks all over your body, but doesn't let you do the same, spots and more spots all over your neck that are impossible to cover. People know that you're dating, they just don't know that you're dating Natalie.

And then she gets mad at you for finally putting a name to whatever this is and starts avoiding you completely, even though it's been months since it all started and you've known each other for years.

Nat gasps when your hands find her waist with a firm grip, bringing your lips closer to her ear:

“I’m gonna make you want me to be your girlfriend.”

You swear you feel the shiver that runs through her body. Nat smells like cigarettes and mint gum and it tastes the same when your mouth meets hers.

Her arms are around your neck before she's even processed what's happening, black painted nails playing with the hair on the back of your neck like it's second nature – and it is.

The way Natalie tilts her head to deepen the kiss and bites your lip hard when your hands come up to caress the skin under her shirt says your actions are much appreciated.

The husky, needy moan that escapes your throat when you realize she's braless, palming and massaging her soft skin brings a cocky smile to her face, she sighs, breaking the kiss and letting her head fall back against the shelf in satisfaction.

Nat doesn't moan, not like you do. She seems to want to hold back as much as possible, taking all kinds of reactions from you and your body, but not giving the pleasure of having the same from her. You want to change this.

You let your mouth roam from her strong jaw to her pale neck, leaving wet kisses, bites, and marks. Many marks. You bite the thin skin in different spots, soothing the bite with your tongue, hoping for the spots to form and stay there for days, for everyone to see.

You lazily slide a knee between her legs when you feel Natalie try to turn you around to take control. You usually let her do it, but not today. She squeals in surprise and pleasure, hips instantly grinding against you.

“Nah-ah, Nat,” you cut, bringing a hand down to slow the pace of her hips, “I guess you shouldn’t take anything today, or do you think I forgot about how much you paid attention to that little emo bastard earlier, huh?”

“You hate him that much, huh?” She tries to say in a mockery tone, wanting to turn the tables again, but it sounds pathetic as her voice breaks later in the last words.

“Yes,” you say easily, leaving a lingering kiss on her shoulder, finding her pulse point, “He was touching you. Touching my girlfriend.”

You bite down hard on the skin when Natalie turns her head to grant access and she moans, actually moans, fuck, you did it. A full sound, loud enough to make your pupils dilate until your irises almost disappear. This, this sound, you want to hear this forever.

It's been more than seven minutes, you think, or maybe our discussion was just really quick. You wonder if you would have time to take one of her breasts into your mouth, feeling the way she rolls her eyes and thrusts her hips against your thigh, now free from your hands, when you roll her nipples hard between your fingers.

She sighs as she receives another kiss from you, much softer now, more affectionate, feeling her hand tracing circles on your cheek.

A quick, loud knock on the door startles you both, making Nat jump and bang her head against one of the shelves behind her and knock something over, “Fuck!” She screams and you instinctively reach for her head to check for injuries.

You look at the source of the knock, it's definitely not Van calling, she would have opened the door at once just to laugh at your faces.

“Girls, time is over!” Jackie's voice sings on the other side.

“Ugh,” Natalie grunts, clearly frustrated at being interrupted so abruptly, she takes the opportunity to finally take a look at the closet as you head towards the door, “Is this some kind of pantry?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “Rich people have so many random rooms scattered around their houses.”

There are loud whistles and jeers as you leave, half the football team gathered in the busy room and giving you knowing looks, you give Van the finger when she points out the traces of dark lipstick on your mouth.

“Were you guys actually going to fuck in there?” She teases, arching an eyebrow with a smirk.

You open your mouth to retort – probably with something stupid – but Natalie is quicker:

“Fuck off Van, stop bothering my girlfriend.”

Van gives up the provocation, raising her arms in surrender and Nat rolls her eyes as if she hadn't said anything important, but you're absolutely frozen, listening to your heart beating rapidly against your ears.

Natalie looks back when she notices you standing still and snorts in amusement at your reaction, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you with her.

“C’mon,” she says, “Let’s go, silly, I got something to do–”

“Move!” Jackie interrupts with an anxious tone, pushing you gently by the shoulder and bouncing on her heels, “It’s our turn.”

You catch a glimpse of Shauna standing shyly behind her like a shadow being dragged to the closet and Jeff sitting on the floor with the rest of his classmates with the most confused and defeated expression you've ever seen as Nat hurriedly guides you out.

When you're about to get into her car, Natalie surprises you, grabbing your waist with her cold hands and pressing you against the door, hungry eyes fixed on your form.

“I–” you stutter nervously, “I thought we were going home?”

Natalie nods.

“We are,” she agrees, “I just have to do you first.”

Well, maybe your night won't end as bad as you thought it would.

[mystellenia]

being effortlessly loved by abby

summary: after a rough week, you begin pushing abby away, but she makes her feelings known and voices her frustration.

content: established relationship, poor self esteem, self-sabotage, perhaps allusions to depression

notes: does this count as angst yayyy first angst. i wanna write angst more. i feel like for some reason angst would come to me really quickly. like i'd be able to make stuff up and write really quick. i guess just call me emo 🖤👩🏾‍🎤

(wc 0.5k)

it's been a rough week. everything that could go wrong, did--and then some. it just felt like just when you stood up to catch your breath, the universe sent you a gift-wrapped riptide to pull you under to drown you again.

you wore an old sports t-shirt and sweatpants, only taking them off to change your underwear or drag baby wipes against your skin to try and rid it of the feeling that consumed you so wholly.

you stand at the kitchen counter, buttering the third bagel of the day to go back to bed and watch sitcoms. abby comes up behind you and perches her head on your shoulder, her hands slipping beneath your shirt to sit on your stomach.

"mmm, you smell good," she says, her words muffled by your neck. "you look so pretty right now."

her touch and her words make you grow uncomfortable, and you turn your head away in response and groan, rolling your shoulder back to push her away.

she simply looks at you with lowered brows, a worried expression on her face. "what's wrong, baby? did i do something?"

you continue your task, taking your time with responding. "i haven't showered for three days," you mumble. "why say i smell good when i don't?"

her warm hand meets the back of your arm, stroking it softly. "well, you smell good to me," she says, shrugging like it was evidently known.

rolling your eyes, you push her back with your hips and step to the side. "god, abby, i hate when you do this! i hate when you act like i’m all perfect and get all sappy on me. why are you doing that to me? doing that for me?" you snap, your face slowly melting into a grimace at the thought of her loving you.

she rears her head back, your words stinging like a smack to the face. "what do you mean, you hate when i get like this? you hate when i love you? you hate when i want to be around the person that i love?" her voice raises more as she talks, frustrated by your thinking. "why do you say that like loving you is a mistake i'm making, like it's a bad thing, like it's a poor decision?"

a sudden chill whips through the room, and you wrap your arms around your body in protection. your voice softens once more and you can't seem to meet her harsh stare. "i just don't understand why. why do you feel that way about me? i'm not-"

"what! you're not what? skinnier? prettier? nicer? god, it actually irritates me how you can't get it through your head that i love you. that i'm not leaving."

she grips your shoulders, pulling you closer to her as she continues. "i chose you, so don't fucking push me away!" her hands tighten around your shoulders and shake you a bit before she realizes what she's done, dropping them and stepping back. she notices your eyes glazing over and realizes she went too far until you slam into her, looping your arms around her neck and letting out a heavy sigh of relief.

"thank you for loving me, abby," you whisper.

she returns your embrace, grabbing either side of your face to lift it up to her and placing a kiss on the very tip of your nose. "thank you for making it so easy to love you."

this actually kind of made my stomach lurch because this is so me. reminds me of how i had this guy head over heels obsessed with me and i told him it made me uncomfortable and overwhelmed me. gosh what a fumble like i’m never getting that again, idek how i bagged him bc like there are so many pretty girls at my school and like ugh

@picklesarenice69 @paqerings

click here!! oh and here too!! ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶

[st4rb3rries]

summer activities with the main 4

pairings; stan, kyle, kenny, cartman x fem!reader (aged up 18+)

summary; going to the water park/gas station with them

warnings; cussing, mention of drugs

a/n; sorry for being inactive!! i love you guys hope you enjoy<3

key colors; blue= stan green= kyle orange= kenny red= cartman pink= reader

so i feel like you guys would go to the water park because it's so hot. kyle is the one who suggested it because cartman can't stfu. "what the fuck it's so hot" "then how about we go to the water park tubby" "DON'T CALL ME TUBBY YOU STUPID J- that's actually not a bad idea" "shiii im down it's hot as fuck" "fr" "but not as hot as hot as me😘" "who said you were hot in the first place🤨" so all of you guys walked back to your houses and to go get ready. we all know kyle is the mom friend so he brings extra towels, sunscreen, and floaties and puts it in a suitcase. once you all meet up you guys just decided to walk there. "god kyle did you not get the memo were going to the waterpark not the airport🙄" "WELL CARTMAN I WAS JUST TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU GUYS LOOK AT YOURSELVES YOU GUYS DIDN'T EVEN BRING A SINGLE TOWEL" "thanks for bringing us stuff mom ilysm🥰" "yeah yeah whatever let's just start walking" when you guys get there for some reason kenny and cartman BROUGHT A WHOLE ASS SPEAKER??? *random song playing on speaker* "AW DUDE WTH YOUR EMBARRISING US" "BITCHHH TURN THAT SHIT DOWNN😭" *kyle grabs the speaker and throws it into an "empty" pool* (rip to the kid who was in the pool) "come on stan and y/n lets go swim, but first we gotta put on sunscreen" "bro think's he's the main character💀" "im gonna fucking kill him" "bro thinks he's the villain 💀" your guys favorite thing to do at the waterpark is the slides for sure. or should i say it's you and kenny's favorite thing to do. "WOOHOOO WATER SLIDES Y/N LET'S GO" "YYASSS" "god they're so childish, real men make kids fall of slides" "CARTMAN NO-" so after you and kenny were finished with all the slides. you decided to invite stan because he hasn't done anything being the emo bitch he is🙄. "come on stan lets go next" "no" "yes" "no" he's only saying no because he's afraid he's gonna barf on you since. you guys have to hold each other tight on the slide. (it's in the rules😉) bro is not tryna get caught lacking with having a crush on you. yeah you guessed he finally said yes to you. "ARE YOU READDY STAN HOLD ON TIGHT" "oh god" *not even 5 seconds later* "BLEGHHHHH-" "EW DUDE SICK WTF" bro doesn't even say sorry cause he's too embarrassed. good thing kyle only saw you guys. cartman and kenny would've been laughing their asses off💀. "looks like someone threw a love bomb on you guys *wink*" "shut it kyle" anyways good thing kyle had his big ass suitcase prepared with towels and extra bathing suits. at the end of the day kenny is flirting with the life guards and cartman is torturing kids. but you, stan, and kyle always look foreword to the sunset each day and luckily. the water park has a perfect view for that so you guys were excited. (you guys got kicked out before the sunset)

after getting escorted out the water park you decide to go your local gas station for slushies and snacks. "you guys you guys w-wait up" "come on cartman walk faster" "CAN'T YOU SEE IM TRYING STAN WE JUST CAME FROM THE WATER PARK" "yeah like 2 mintues ago" "LAST ONE WHO GETS THERE HAS TO PAY FOR ALL OUR STUFF" all of you guys start zooming just to piss off cartman. "GODAMMIT WAIT UP" when you guys finally arrive (yes you guys waited for cartman) the cashier always has a look of terror on his face because he knows that you guys. might end up buying the whole store, or accidently set it on fire. "LOOK Y/N SOUR CANDY OUR FAVORITE" "BY THE WHOLE ROW RN" "oh no no no you guys we aren't doing this again." he's only saying this because one time you and kyle ate so much sour candy that you guys passed out. when stan saw you guys he thought y'all did c0k3 because there was white powder everywhere. in reality it was sour dust💀. so he's still traumatized from sour candy because he thought his best bud and future gf died. "stan relax we won't even eat this much this time, right kyle?" "righttt" meanwhile kenny and cartman are fucking up the slushie machine. "kenny i'll give you $5 if you pour slushie into your shoes" "alr bet"*puts slushie in shoes* "BAHAHA KENNY YK I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU $5 FOR THAT" "ik that's why im gonna drink it nothing ain't going to waste😈" "look kenny real men drink out of the slushie machine not their shoes🤓" "you guys are you ready to go🙄" "nah hold up dude lemme get my razzberry slush real quick" as stan tries to get his slush the machine literally explodes everywhere😭. "AH SHIT" "HAHA STAN YOU DUMB BITCH" "ah hell nah smurf nut exploded everywhere" "HAHAH SMURF NUT" "fuck it i say we make a run for it and never come back we can't this shit in time" "at this point yeah😭" "and you guys know damn well none of us brought cash" "NO WAY KYLE BEING A MAN FOR ONCE AND TRYNA STEAL WOAHHH😮" "SHUT IT F@T@SS THEY'RE GONNA HEAR US" "LETS GO THE CASHIER IS SLEEPING" "HELL YEAH FREE STUFF" "PURR LET'S GO😜" you guys ran out with all your snacks and never came back😭. but we all know kyle is gonna come back and repay for the damages and stealing. until he see's photos of himself and you guys on the door saying your banned. "oh fuck"

[starbeltconstellation]

So I gotta ask, do you have any headcannons(or cannons I guess since you're the author) about Melanie and Anakin that you can share without spoilers to much.

I'm going through Rewrite the stars withdrawal lol

Awww, thank you so very much for the ask, dear! (And so sorry again about your Rewrite the Stars withdrawal. 😭 Things have been crazyyy in my life. My bro was in the hospital for a while, but he’s okay now though. Also just me fighting my never ending depression spells 🙃). 😅😂

I would be happy to offer some “head” canons! Or canons, technically, as you said. 😂 Lol.

Essentially, this has become like one big, long SW meta analysis and meta analysis on my SW fic, Rewrite the Stars, and Anakin and Melanie’s characters. Sorry for the long response. 😭 I got really into explaining my thoughts. Haha.

I’ll put this under a read more, as it’s VERYYY long:

I’ll just say that the entire reason I started this story is because well, I wanted a fix it fic of course. 😂 But also just because I wanted to write this kind of grand, epic tale in general, just like Star Wars is supposed to be.

A lot of fics I’ve seen like this completely demonize the Jedi most of the time and blame them for their own genocide. And the ones that don’t, also flip it the complete opposite way around and demonize Anakin to where he’s nothing but a cackling demon who kicks puppies for fun (and well… would he do that AFTER the prequel trilogy when he’s in his emo Darth Vader era? Probably. 😂 But he wouldn’t be CACKLING while doing it. He’d be very bitter and callous about it, because Anakin likes to take out his anger on the world when he’s in pain, so by GOD the entire galaxy is gonna be in pain along with him).

But anyways, I’m kinda getting off track.

My point is: the whole reason I started my SW fic is because I wanted to write the type of epic, grand tale of a fic that I’ve been looking for that treats all of its characters with love and respect while ALSO still calling out their flaws and allowing them to grow. That includes everyone: Anakin, Padmé, Ahsoka, Barriss, Mace, Obi-Wan, Dooku, Satine, etc—EVERYONE.

I feel like fandom has become this toxic environment where if you’re criticizing a character, then… (le gasp 😱)… you don’t really LIKE themmm. (Untrue. 😂).

I love, love, LOVE Anakin. He is my hot, insane, child killing bastard of a mans.

… But I also hate him too. 😭😂

I HATE what he’s done and what he believes in after the war and how he just wallows like a child in his pain. I HATE how selfish he is (while at the same time heavily relate to his fear of death and losing those he loves to them dying/growing older). And I also HATE how damn close he was to making a better choice, but he DIDN’T, because in the end, it didn’t MATTER if Anakin technically knew the ‘right’ way to act. He purposely went against it, because he was just too selfish to let go of Padmé (he kinda did a self fulfilling prophecy with her death, but we’re not gonna talk about that part right now), and so he decided his happiness meant more than the entire galaxy, and burned down his childhood home like a school shooter and helped genocide his friends just for the CHANCE to save his wife.

And all of this, in the usual fics I’ve seen, can somehow be undone, just by changing a few little moments in Anakin’s life where he doesn’t get his feelings hurt: ie; Obi-Wan faking his death, Ahsoka leaving the Order/being framed by Barriss, or Mace/Qui-Gon/whoever-the-fuck-you-want-to-say being assigned as his Master instead of Obi-Wan.

And just… no. 😂

As shown through this wonderful SW blog here:

Anakin doesn’t do what he did because, oh, “This, this, and THIS happened to him”, and if you take that away and help him avoid it, he’ll suddenly change and be all warm and fuzzy inside and won’t burn the whole fucking galaxy just because HE cannot handle Padmé (MAYBE) dying and leaving him alone (when he wouldn’t even really BE alone, but Anakin also clearly puts Padmé/romantic love above all else. He might care for his friends and family, but he’d throw them all under the bus if it came down to the wire between them and Padmé). This is something I will go into in the fic as Anakin slowly starts to take a look at himself as he realizes: “wait… wtf? Do I even KNOW what Rex does outside of work? 🤔😨” for him to realize that he’s so obsessive over one person… that everyone else is slowly becoming put to the wayside.

Stopping one or two little things in Anakin’s life during the Clone Wars isn’t going to magically make him see the light and not be a currently ticking time bomb.

That is not how change WORKS. Not REAL change anyway. All of the fics I’ve seen written, usually hand wave a lot of Anakin’s misdeeds and flaws away, and pretend like if you hold Anakin’s hand through certain parts of the war and help him avoid THESE certain moments, that he’ll suddenly just magically become a better person who understands what being selfless and less greedy actually means.

That… is not true change. TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF realizing slowly but surely as the war goes on that he’s slowly becoming someone he doesn’t recognize in the mirror anymore (*cough* Mel line drop from upcoming chapter? 👀✨ *cough*). TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF working through his flaws and inner demons, before he gradually begins to realize with a sense of sickening horror that he has been WRONG: ie; massacring an entire Tusken village down to the last child while never telling another soul except Padmé about it and whistling happily to himself without a care in the world as the war rages on.

TRUE change (as you might’ve started to guess from the most recent chapter of my fic) is Anakin HIMSELF slowly but surely starting to question his actions, by comparing them to other people he respects and cares for.

Which brings us to your question on “headcanons”.

The entire purpose of the relationship between Melanie and Anakin (besides me living vicariously through her 😂) is that they are a MIRROR for each other.

Melanie and Anakin, while very different, aren’t COMPLETE and total opposites. There are purposeful parallels between them: their moms, their care of droids, their fear of losing those they love to death, and the PURPOSEFUL CHOICE GIVEN TO MELANIE BY THE SHOPKEEPER 👀 that parallels the choice Anakin is given at the end of ROTS by Palpatine himself in their choice to help the galaxy or be selfish and choose themselves/their own wants instead.

There is a quote I have based their relationship off of. I will share it here (if you are still with me, because I know I ramble a lot 😅😂):

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

—Elizabeth Gilbert

-

Melanie and Anakin are meant to have parallel journeys, even though their personalities are very different. But it’s more than that: their fatal flaws are in direct conflict with each other.

Anakin’s fatal flaw is: greed/selfishness.

Melanie’s fatal flaw is: fear/judgement.

BUT as they are forced into working together… the more they interact with each other… the more their fatal flaws are FORCED to be challenged by the other.

Anakin’s more selfish nature is challenged more and more by just being in Melanie’s presence and watching how she acts with complete compassion and selflessness in certain situations, which makes him slowly start to look at himself internally and take a look at his own actions and thoughts, gradually beginning to realize how selfish he’s slowly become without even realizing it.

Melanie, in turn, has the purposeful flaw of judgment, which can make her self righteous at times (even if she IS correct most of the time 😂), and also the flaw of fear, which as readers have seen, makes her a bit more cautious than she should be in her actions on trying to outsmart Palpatine to save the galaxy.

It’s kind of ironic: just being AROUND Anakin slowly begins to challenge Melanie’s fatal flaws (since she was completely fucking terrified of him the very first moment she realized she was in the SW universe and realized Anakin/Darth Vader was real now 😂). She sees things in such a black and white way at first, but as time goes on, Anakin’s need to be gentle with her and prove himself to Mel, makes her question her judgment with him, which allows her the ability to give him a chance. In turn, just being in his PRESENCE challenges her other fatal flaw on fear, since he’s a walking nightmare PTSD trigger for her pounding heart (and not always in the fun way 👀💓❤️‍🔥☠️😂).

Anyway, my point is that they aren’t just meant to be together romantically to be TOGETHER. It’s because I have purposefully tried to develop a romantic slow burn relationship that comes with my story to weave itself against the original theme of Rewrite the Stars, which is this: TRUE change and atonement/redemption.

Anakin physically CANNOT get closer to Mel, until he forced himself to take a step back and give her some space. If he wants to get anywhere with her, he HAS to start looking internally at himself to try and change and be more gentle with her.

Melanie, in turn, CANNOT outsmart Palpatine and win the war without Anakin’s help and working together with him over the next three years of The Clone Wars. She HAS to get past her judgment and allow herself to swallow her terror enough to give him a chance, because she NEEDS him to win.

This is a chess match between her and Palpatine, remember? And if you lose the king, you lose the game.

ANAKIN is the king. 👀

I bet you can’t guess what chess piece Melanie is. 😂 Lol.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve done a whole lot of taking in circles (sorry about that 😅), because I wanted to go ahead and explain my whole process for this fic while I had the time, so I can also refer this post if I ever need to again.

Now! Getting into some more FUN Stuff:

Idk if you’ve looked up my fic on Wattpad, but I have a lot of cool graphics posted there from my mind and from other artists/authors that have gifted me such wonderful cover art ( @shoniwake ! 👀✨❤️), and in a certain subsection, I have a whole playlist page dedicated as a type of ‘outline’ for the entire story of my fic (fair warning, it’s a lot 😅), just because I think it helps me with planning stuff out.

I won’t tell you all of them, of course. But I’ll share a few of my favorite songs that I always think are the PERFECT songs for Melanie and Anakin’s relationship and their slow burn romantic development. 😭🥺���❤️💕✨

Innocence by Nathan Wagner

Stronger Together by Lou & SQVARE

Now I See by Lou & SQVARE

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I love these three songs so much, because of their theme of two people coming together as a team and/or learning to open up their hearts to the other and to help the other person the see world in a different way. 🥹❤️💕

This is basically what I want for Melanie and Anakin. Their relationship isn’t just about having a romance in the story (although that’s part of it. Haha 😂💕). It’s about how their relationship meshes in with the rest of the themes of the story: TRUE change and growth into something better.

Melakin is purposely written to be in direct contrast to Anidala (which is still written with care and not erasing their genuine affection, by the way! I think it’s extremely lazy writing to write a canon relationship OOC just to prop up your OC’s own), which shows the difference between a more healthy developing relationship that is based on genuine care and respect (Melakin) and in contrast with one that is more based around idealizing the other person/ignoring their faults and putting them up on a pedestal that is sure to lead to disappointment (Anidala).

This is, as you know from reading the fic, slowly starting to be shown in how Anidala acts with each other in their trash fire (in my opinion! Don’t kill meeee! 🙌😂) of a marriage, which has them basically talking past each other/not really caring about anything that isn’t SPECIFICALLY RELEVANT to the other person (ie; them. Not anything with their family or job. Just THEM. Because while the love is genuine, it’s also eerily obsessive, which was GL’s whole point of them being star crossed lovers that burn out from their own flawed choices in regards to being together and trying to have it all).

This is also shown in my fic with Melakin vs Anidala contrasting each other in Anakin’s choices and how he interacts with them. Anakin REMEMBERS stuff about Mel’s life and choices that really he has no need to care about, but he does anyway. In contrast, there is a scene in the latest chapter of my SW fic where Anakin forgets a very… important member… of Padmé’s family 😭 (If you know, you know 👀🫣😬). 😂

I guess what I’m saying is is that I’m trying to not PREACH to the readers of my fic. I’m trying to write scenes that SHOW them what I believe to be true in regards to Anidala’s toxic relationship/the Jedi being scapegoats that everyone cruelly blames for their own genocide/how the Jedi culture might not be how THE READERS want to live, but it doesn’t change the fact that it IS a valid culture/way to live, and it doesn’t deserve to be eradicated just because you don’t understand/like/agree with it.

I’m trying to lead up into the themes and lessons of my fic as I go along, is what I’m saying. 😂 Which is a really heavy feat, considering how long it’ll end up being as a grand, epic tale. 😩

And a big part of the theme of my SW Fic: genuine change and growth into something better than you were before (ie; TRUE redemption) cannot happen to Anakin as easily as some of the time travel fix-it fics/other fix-it fics I’ve seen written on A03 before. Changing a few little things so Anakin doesn’t have to deal with a few moments in his life is not GENUINE and TRUE change. What that is is essentially placation. It’s PLACATING and CODDLING someone dangerous, which allows them (for the MOMENT) to calm down, because they are generally happy and have the things they want and aren’t under stress like Anakin was in the ending of ROTS when there was nobody there to hold his hand for him to ‘guide’ him in the right direction.

For TRUE change and redemption to happen for Anakin, he has to admit to himself that he was WRONG.

He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that actions he has taken are horrific (the Tusken Massacre), and accept people’s/the Jedi’s judgment on it without becoming defensive and acting like he’s being unfairly attacked and punished for something not that big of a deal. He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that his thought process has slowly but surely become corrupted over the years without him even realizing it, whether that’s from the war or Palpatine stroking his ego or from the trauma of his childhood making him cling to things too hard—it doesn’t really matter. He has to RECOGNIZE that he has become someone over the years that he can’t even recognize in the mirror in relation to that little nine year old boy on Tatooine (about how selfish he has become), and what he can do to change that.

I know some fans will think I am attacking Anakin and that I hate him or something (and well… I DO hate him… but I also love him 🫣☠️❤️😂), but that is not the case. I LOVE Anakin’s character and truly relate to him on such a deep level in terms of how terrified he is of losing the people he loves to death. I can recognize myself and some of my worst fears deeply in him.

However, at the same time, I can also acknowledge that Anakin’s trauma from his childhood (from slavery/his mother dying in front of him), has essentially made his entire personality completely self serving. Because yes, Anakin can care about other people. He cares about and loves his friends. He’d do anything he could to keep them from harm (at least in TCW era 🥶☠️), but the hard truth is… he doesn’t think of his relationships and saving them from death in terms of what his LOVED ONES deserve or what THEY will lose if they die. He thinks about it in terms of what HE will lose if they die.

He straight up says it in the scene with Mace and then the scene with Palpatine: He NEEDS to keep Palpatine (who he KNOWS is an evil Sith Lord) alive, because it’s the only way he can keep Padmé alive. HE can’t live without HER.

There’s genuine love there. I am not denying that. Anakin isn’t a cackling villain like Palpatine (it’s the whole reason Anakin CAN be talked into coming back to the Light Side by Luke, whereas Palpatine would melt Luke’s fucking face off without hesitation if he tried). He cares and loves his family and friends and wife and kids… in a TOXIC way. In an OBSESSIVE way. In a way that is essentially all about HIM: ie; selfish.

Example 1:

Out of context, this sounds very romantic and simply just a reasonable amount of worry. But in relation to all the other things Anakin will end up saying while referring to Padmé as essentially a possession, I’m placing it here anyway as perhaps a sign of his darkening thoughts.

Example 2:

Yes, yes, I knowwww… some of you ladies will be like: 🥺💔 at the sad murder puppy moment. And I suppose it’s still very evil wet cat bastard level/blorbo of him in a intoxicating way for people who want to feel loved—at the same time, he’s essentially saying: look, man, I don’t care if I gotta murder some kids and betray my friends and descend the galaxy and Republic into darkness (which I know my wife will be fucking horrified at). It’s very important that I DO NOT have to deal with this pain, okay?? 😭 Everyone else can be in pain, but not meeee. I’ll crush and stab my friends in the back just so I won’t be left alone from my wife dying.

Very sad. Very wet cat villain blorbo of him.

And yet—VERY selfish and evil. 😭🤷‍♀️👀😂

He’s essentially saying—fuck the galaxy. Let me get mine, and I’ll go home. ☠️

Example 3:

This one’s pretty obvious. By this point, he’s lost his shit. His mind’s already cracking at the seams as he tries to keep justifying the actions he’s taken, which will eventually lead into his 20 year long dissociation where he essentially goes, “Nahhh, that wasn’t meee. That was DARTH VADER. Anakin didn’t do that, because ANAKIN is still a good person (he mutters to himself over and over like a maniac at night in his emo villain lair), whereas I AM THE DARK INCARNATE. 😌🖤” so he doesn’t have to admit to himself that HE—yes, THAT he, Anakin fucking Skywalker—has become an actual terrible fucking person with no heart. 🤷‍♀️😭😬

I don’t see why this is so hard for SW fandom to get. It’s a METAPHOR George Lucas uses to say Darth Vader killed Anakin (and also just a way to plug up the plot hole of what Obi-Wan originally told Luke in the first movie). It doesn’t mean that Anakin’s consciousness is sleeping inside Vader’s head like a fucking cat. Lmao. 😭

Not only would that not make SENSE in terms of how GL wrote it, but it also just essentially makes Anakin’s ‘redemption’ (I don’t really view it as a true redemption. More like just the Christian version of salvation for his soul by the skin of his teeth. Although GL did say Anakin was redeemed in the eyes of LUKE only, because he said some crap about being redeemed in the eyes of our children) all but useless. 😭 You can’t say on one hand that Darth Vader’s ‘redemption’ is the most iconic one of all time, while at the same time saying on the other hand that “Anakin never did any of those things. It was DaRtH VaDeR! 🤪🤪🤪” because then you’re essentially absolving Anakin of all of his crimes while on the Dark Side, and if Anakin is absolved of all of his crimes… then wtf is there TO make him the most iconic ‘redemption’ of all time??? 😭🤷‍♀️ I mean, like—what IS there to ‘redeem’ at that point??? Ya can’t have both, kids. Lol. 😂

This is also essentially what Anakin wanted in terms of his relationship with Padmé and the Jedi Order. He wanted it ALL. He wanted BOTH. Sureee, he TALKED about quitting the Jedi Order eventually after the war to be with Padmé in a little space cottage. But could he WALK THE WALK? Could he really give up the thrill of chasing an enemy, or the twitch of his fingers in reaching for his lightsaber? 😑🤔 Me myself has some doubtssss.

He wanted it ALL. He wanted to be married while ALSO having the strength and power that came from being a Jedi Knight. He didn’t WANT to choose. He even SAYS it.

Example 4: Essentially this SW meme

He doesn’t want to CHOOSE. And it’s why it’s BS when it’s argued he was put in this position by the Council’s rules on marriage, because it’s LITERALLY just like a vow of a priest at a Catholic Church. They can’t marry either, just like the Jedi Order. BUT (unlike what fandom likes to believe), the Order isn’t some cult, and you are free to leave at any time (and hell, they’ll even build a statue after you leave, apparently, if the one they built of Dooku that’s in the Archives (I think) is anything to go by), just as a priest is free to leave the Catholic Church at any time. Because it’s a COMMITMENT to that place. And people might think it’s dumb/stupid/not like it—or even understand it! And you don’t HAVE to like something from a religion/culture/belief, or understand something, to still respect it (another theme drop for the next chapter of my SW fic? 👀😂).

So, what some people will probably wonder is—“But, Starbelt! (Le gasp 😱) Then how is the Jedi culture going to be respected in my fic, if Melakin is still endgame at the end of their slow, slow burn?”

And to that question, I say, “I am not a by-the-book-to-the-very-LETTER interpreter of the Jedi Code (although I’m not saying the code of an entire culture is gonna be ‘changed’ for legit one person/couple. Lmao. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂), but I AM a Jedi lover who is of the belief that—even if you don’t completely AGREE or even UNDERSTAND the Jedi Order and their code—it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be difficult to respect it. It shouldn’t be difficult to not scold a culture on their beliefs, while essentially saying that belief is the reason it is ‘good’ for The Force/galaxy that they were genocided as a ‘clean slate’. 😬🤦‍♀️☠️”

What I WILL say, is that I am going to explore the Jedi Order and the different interpretations of the Code and The Force in general in this fic, and what that means in terms of coexistence, instead of the frankly childish notion of just painting an entire culture as emotionless and wrong in their beliefs, like they are some kind of stuck up, snooty and rich culture that ‘deserved what they got’. 🙄🤦‍♀️😬☠️

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ANYWAY, back to my point with Anakin, and how my fic is trying to complete the most massive and epic of all writing tasks: making Anakin slowly change and grow out of his greed and selfishness into a better person in such an organic way, that perhaps may one day be compared with the likes of Zuko’s redemption from ATLA (I know, I knowww. Pretty high hopes for myself. Lol. 😂).

So, essentially, in the original “timeline” of ROTS, Anakin is freaking losing it, and since nobody is there to hold his hand, he descends right into the core selfishness that is buried inside of him, where he basically just decides, “Fuck it,” and throws all of his morals out the window so he can keep himself from the pain of losing Padmé (ie; it’s really about HIM and his fear, and not about Padmé deserving to live and see more beauty in the world) by cutting off Mace’s hand to stop him from killing Palpatine, because—in Anakin’s OWN words:

Example 5:

Like… 🤷‍♀️😭.

People like to sing “Lalalala,” and plug their ears by pretending Anakin is just so shocked in this scene (le gasp 😱) that Mace is being so UN-JEDI-LIKE, and that it just convinced him that the Jedi Order truly has been ‘corrupted’. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Now see… that might hold some water if Anakin literally didn’t scream “I NeEd HiM! 😡” at Mace like an unhinged five year old, which literally PROVES that the only reason Anakin wants Mace to keep Palpatine alive and not to kill the guy yet is because he needs to learn the super-secret-Dark-Side-magicy way of how to save himself from the pain of losing Padmé to dying in childbirth.

… Because like some may recall, Anakin LITERALLY beheaded Dooku himself all but like… what? 12 hours ago? 😭🤦‍♀️

Essentially, this meme:

So, essentially, what I’m getting at here is: Anakin is a goddamn hypocrite. 😂

Now, in relation to my SW fic? What I essentially am TRYING to accomplish, is to have Anakin slowly CHANGE HIMSELF as the war goes on and he interacts more with Melanie and witnesses her compassion, while in turn comparing her actions to his own.

Melanie isn’t supposed to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ Anakin. Anakin is supposed to be INSPIRED to change from how he grows to care and admire Mel’s choices and who she is inside her heart as the Clone Wars rages on.

I do all of this, so in the HOPES that when he is presented with this scene again, it makes perfect sense to all readers of my fic that his choice may become different—essentially choosing for ONCE, a more selfless route, out of no expectation that he will gain anything in return (that only happens with Luke like—20 years later—and it’s not like he had many other options at that point. 😭🤷‍♀️ Lol.).

(And as I said—MAY become different… 👀 After all, Melanie still has a long way to go before the end of the war… 👀)

But yeah—that’s my plans with my SW Anakin x OC Fic, Rewrite the Stars, and how I’m planning it and Melakin’s relationship to go. I placed a big feat on myself. 😂❤️💕

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If you wanna see some of my like… ideas/notes on what I have planned to eventually place in there somewhere, I will show you a few things, because it’s not really SPOILERS, since I already talk about the Jedi genocide a lot anyway (it drives me up the wall when SW fandom refers to it as ThE FaLl Of ThE jEdi 🤪🤪🤪). Guess it makes it easier to blame them all for their own deaths that way if you refer to their genocide and slaughter as a “fall”. 😭🙄 Idk. 🤷‍♀️

I also have some stuff with the history of Churches splitting into different factions (ie: The Great Schism of 1054), which I will be weaving in as a parallel at some point. 👀👀 I will not explain why, as that would be too spoilery, but I’m sure some of my more in depth analysis readers on my work could guess if they thought about it hard enough… 👀

There are also some comparisons on the Jedi genocide in the SW universe, and how it parallels the Air Nomad genocide in the ATLA universe pretty much to a T in terms of how fast it all happens in one day, and also how any survivors were hunted down and lured out with relics of their own culture, not to MENTION just the fact that both of these cultures are just non-western inspired in general (seriously, what is with people and killing monks in Temples? Lol. 🤷‍♀️😂). It’s also just an interesting comparison in general, because where the ATLA fandom usually is quite sympathetic to the Air Nomad genocide, on the other hand, the SW fandom is so nauseatingly nonchalant and cruel about the Jedi Order’s genocide that it’s almost downright weird. It’s almost like the SW fandom has this THING about never calling the Jedi’s “Fall 🙄” what it actually was—a horrific genocide. I swear to Godddd, SW fandom must be allergic to the word. 😂🤦‍♀️

I also threw in the ‘Hero’s journey’ thing I’ve been using for Melanie to try and make her a relatable protagonist, while also still having her own character arc along with Anakin’s. It was really important to me that she had her OWN arc away from Anakin, and that she had more connections and relationships in the SW universe than just him. Not only does it weaken her character if she had been made to be all about HIM, but it also just makes a certain… choice… 👀… with The Shopkeeper (her antagonist who parallels Palpatine, Anakin’s antagonist) hit all the more harder, because saving the ENTIRE GALAXY isn’t even about saving ANAKIN at all for her. Not at first, anyway.

Instead, from the very beginning, it’s all about how Melanie grows to care and feel compassion for the people she meets in the SW universe and becomes friends with, and how she cannot turn away from them and leave them behind to die, when she has knowledge that can help change their fates. It was SO important to me that Anakin is not even on Mel’s RADAR at first. She doesn’t hate him or anything. She doesn’t want him dead, but it’s not really about SAVING him either (if that happens along the way, it’s a happy bonus for her). Because—as you know—she’s TERRIFIED of him in the beginning, and just plans to avoid him like the plague.

And in doing so, she grows closer to others in the SW universe: Ahsoka, Rex, Yoda, Fives, Obi-Wan, all of the other clones, etc. ALL of that is so important for a certain choice she makes with The Shopkeeper (which I won’t spoil for any new readers who may stumble across this post and want to read my work 👀😂).

So, essentially, my fic is a grand, epic tale, that our main protagonist, Melanie Bains, is going on to save millions of lives in a galaxy far, far away from death and suffering.

No pressure, huh? 😂😬

That’s definitely going to crack and fracture at Mel’s psyche as time goes on… 🥶 The weight of such a feat on one’s shoulders essentially all alone becomes overwhelming. 😓💔 (*Cough* Hint for next chapter? 👀 *cough*).

So I’m really trying to follow that ‘Hero’s journey’ format. I already have her character arc outlined with a clear beginning and end. I just have to find the will to write the thousands and thousands of words to get there to that point. 😩😭��

It still makes me so happy how many people relate and enjoy Mel. 😌🥹❤️💓🥰

Some planned themes I am going to weave in as the story goes along:

Example 1: Genocide

Air Nomad genocide propaganda from ATLA:

Jedi Order genocide propaganda (Not sure if it’s from before or after Order 66. Either way, it’s meant to rile the populace up against them and demonize the Jedi as ‘other’, like emotionless wizards that are barely human and aren’t capable of true compassion since they’re a ‘cult’ and not from ‘true’ familial structures, unlike the ‘good ol’ regular populace with their attachments 🤪’) from SW:

Example 2: Church factions splitting up/The Great Schism of 1054

Example 3: Hero’s Journey (Mel’s character arc)

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… Now, moving past that long meta ramble, here’s some more songs from my playlist on Wattpad for Melakin’s developing romantic relationship and it’s slow, slow burnnnn. 👀💓❤️‍🔥😂

Borderline by Florrie

Let Me In by Michael Corcoran

The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

Minefields by Faouzia & John Legend

Unlike the previous songs in the earlier part of this meta post, THESE songs are more about Melakin struggling to open up to each other. I’ll admit, a lot of it is more focused on Anakin trying to get Melanie to open up to him, because he doesn’t understand why she’s acting so terrified of him at first.

The one song that’s more about both of them trying to find common ground is “Borderline”, which is meant to be them both reaching out and trying to meet each other halfway. 😊🥰🥺❤️💕

And if you’re wondering what my favorite song is out of all of them?

It’s the “Innocence by Nathan Wagner” song. WITHOUT a doubt. It’s the PERFECT Melakin song that is basically what the whole arc of their relationship is supposed to be. 😭🥹❤️💔💕

Whew, that was a long post! So sorry about that. 😅😂🤷‍♀️ I just got really into talking about my fic and my writing process. I think this has even helped me with motivation! Losing hyperfixations is a bitchhhh. 😖😖

The only other thing I will add is this to hopefully ease your and everyone else’s minds: I may have to go on hiatuses every now and then because of writer’s block or a family/life problem like the recent one with my brother being in the hospital for a while. BUT! No matter WHAT, I will NEVER abandon this fic. It is literally gonna be my damn life’s work—I swearrrrr. 😖✊😂

To end this long SW meta off, I’m going to link another two great Pro Jedi SW meta posts from the wonderful Pro Jedi blog I mentioned earlier. Feel free to check it out if you want, because it’s a lot of Mel’s thoughts on the Jedi, and part of the problems she has to find a way to solve as the war goes on by trying to keep the Jedi in favor of the public’s eyes:

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To any new readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

Tags:

@ensomniaa

@heartfairy

@fangirlteallie

@xreadersunite

@shoniwake

[micropoet]

Burned pt. 2

Made another part to the "Virgil leaving the dark sides based on The Line" fic. I recommend reading part one first.

TW: descriptions of injury, light angst (but mostly fluff), and argument (?)

Honestly

I thought I was fully prepared for

The threshold in store

Stay your pretty eyes on course

I guess I never really faced my fears before

So stay with me because

My body's on the line now

Pull the blanket tight now

I can feel the light shine on my face

-------------------------------------------

Logan wasn’t good with feelings. 

It wasn’t that Logan didn’t have feelings or experience emotions, his function just took priority. When problems arose, Logan found it easy to set emotional reactions aside in order to take the next necessary steps. This tendency had caused a few arguments between him and his friends. Being emotionless during important discussions could come off as callous and made the others think that Logan cared less about them than he did. 

But there were times when setting aside emotions to deal with a crisis could be useful. This situation was quickly turning into an opportunity for Logan to use his particular skill. 

“How DARE those dark sides do this to OUR emo! This is down-right criminal! How could those villains, no, those SCOUNDRELS-!” Roman ranted endlessly, his voice growing progressively louder. 

Virgil, meanwhile, sat motionless on the couch. Patton, distressed by Virgil’s declining state and Roman’s increasing frenzy, jumped into a mania of random tasks. Was he bringing Virgil a plate of… gummy bears? Nope. Patton was eating the gummy bears. Logan wasn’t sure how that would help. 

With a sigh, Logan pat Virgil’s shoulder, hoping for a response. When there was none, Logan settled on his knees in front of the unresponsive side. 

“Virgil, I’m going to look at the wound on your arm. I need you to be able to tell me if something hurts.” Logan stated. Again, there was no reply though Virgil tightened his posture as if he became more stressed. 

“It’s okay if you aren’t able to speak right now. Or if you are unable to move much.” Logan gently took Virgil’s uninjured hand in his. “Can you squeeze my hand, Virgil?” 

Virgil shifted slightly. Logan heard his breathing speed up. 

“You don’t need to do much. Just a little pressure.” Logan waited patiently, then felt a slight squeeze on his hand. 

“Well done, Virgil. Just like that. If I do something that hurts you, simply squeeze my hand and I will stop. Can you do that?” Virgil squeezed in response. 

“Very well.” 

Logan began his examination. It was obviously a burn, 2nd degree if he were to guess. But with a closer look, it became clear that the burn was created from extreme cold not extreme heat, a critical distinction. 

The sound of metal scraping screeched through the air. Logan felt Virgil flinch at the sudden sound. 

“I will defend the honor of our fellow side! Those Dark Sides have no idea what’s coming for them!” Roman declared. 

“We don’t need any more violence, Roman! We need to take care of Virgil!” Patton corrected through a mouthful of gummy bears. 

“Patton,” Logan interrupted. “I need you to get me a rag from the kitchen soaked in cool water. Make sure the water is not cold, but just below lukewarm.”

“Oh, okay! I’ll get right to it!” Patton jumped up, still holding gummy bears, and went into the kitchen. 

“Roman.”

“Yes, Calculator Nerd?” 

“I have a first aid kit in my room under the bathroom sink. I need you to bring it down here.” 

“As you wish!” Roman sang as he ran up the stairs. As he exited, the room became blessedly quiet. 

Virgil, who had been squeezing Logan’s hand throughout the ordeal, finally relaxed. 

“You are doing very well, Virgil. Your burn looks to be caused by extreme cold instead of extreme heat, does that sound right?”

Virgil nodded slightly in response. 

“It’s not too severe. We’ll warm your arm up progressively, and as long as you don’t pop the blisters, you’ll avoid infection and major scarring. I hope that soothes some worries.” 

Virgil nodded again. His eyes seemed to be more focused, a good sign. 

“I’m back! I hope this isn’t too cold!” Patton announced as he returned to the living room. Virgil tensed. His eyes darted, tracking Patton’s movement.  

“Hand it to me, and try to keep your voice down.” Logan instructed. 

Patton complied quickly. Once Logan determined the temperature was acceptable, he began to apply the wet cloth on the outside edge of the burn. Virgil hissed and flinched backwards. 

“Oh no! Was it too warm? Too cold? What’s happening? Why is it hurting him?” Patton spoke quickly with sharp, fast breaths in between. 

“What’s going on?” Roman asked, coming down the stairs with the first aid kit in hand. Logan opened his mouth to reply, but was quickly cut off by Patton. 

“Something’s wrong! It might be getting worse!”

“It’s getting worse? Let me see!” 

Virgil began hyperventilating as Roman and Patton crowded in making dramatic comments on the state of Virgil’s wound. 

Logan stood in front of the two sides and firmly pushed them backwards. “That’s enough. You two are being unhelpful. You need to leave the room.” 

“But Logan-” Patton whined. 

“No. I don’t need excuses. You need to leave.”

“Don’t act like you’re the only one that can help! Virgil is our friend too!”

“Unless you know first aid, I am the only one that can help Virgil right now. When he’s feeling better, you may help him.” Logan continued calmly. 

“No! You always act like you know better than us. Just because you’re Logic doesn’t mean you know everything!”

Logan rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I know everything. That’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, but you do think you’re better than us? I don’t hear you denying THAT part.” 

Logan’s jaw tightened. “You are being impossible. Leave. I won’t ask again.” 

Roman scoffed. “Fine. Be conceited. But Patton and I will come back here in TEN MINUTES, so… there.” Roman stomped up the stairs and Patton scuttled behind him. 

Logan breathed deeply, trying to banish the anger that rose suddenly in him. He wasn’t conceited. Just because he knew how to help didn’t mean he thought he was better than everyone. Logan heard Virgil’s breathing in ragged bursts and he pushed down the anger. It wasn’t the time for messy emotions. 

Virgil was curled into the couch, breathing rapidly with his eyes screwed firmly shut. Logan settled next to him.

“Virgil?”

“Is it really getting worse? You said it would be fine. Did you lie? Will it be fine?” The words tumbled out of Virgil’s mouth rapidly. 

“I didn’t lie, Virgil. Your arm is not getting worse, nor is there anything wrong.” Logan placed his hands on Virgil’s shoulders. “You may relax.” 

Virgil breathed deeply and relaxed. He unwound slightly, sinking into the couch. Seeing Virgil somewhat calmer, Logan retrieved the cloth and the first aid kit from the ground. 

“I- I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“You have no need to apologize,” Logan replied simply. He placed the cloth on Virgil’s arm slowly. The anxious side flinched, but didn’t pull away. 

“It burns. Is that bad?” Virgil asked softly. 

“No. It's completely natural. Your skin is much colder than the water in the rag so it stings as your body tries to warm up. It would be the same if you were to spend a long time outside in the cold and then pick up a steaming cup of hot chocolate.”

“So even though the rag is cold, it still burns because my injury is so much colder?”

“Exactly right,” Logan stated. “Is it still burning?” “Not really. It just feels normal now.”

“Good.” Logan removed the cloth and looked over the wound again. Though it was still a bad injury, it was far from the worst. There was no discoloration to suggest frostbite and the blisters were mostly gathered on the outside of the hand print. Logan’s heart ached at the thought of how Virgil received the injury. 

“Is something wrong?” Virgil questioned.

“No. I am rather optimistic about your recovery.” Logan offered a smile to affirm his point and pushed aside his own worried thoughts.

“Do I need to do anything or whatever?”

“I will apply some ointment and bandaging. All you need to do is stay warm and do your best not to rupture the blisters. Though, even if they do break open, it wouldn’t be a critical injury so please don’t overstress yourself.”

Virgil chuckled softly. “You know me too well.” 

Logan smiled as well. After a small warning, Logan disinfected the wound and began to wrap it gently in gauze. Virgil held perfectly still, so the process was quickly completed. 

“There. All finished. Shall I call Roman and Patton down?” 

“No!” Virgil’s voice warped. “I mean… I just need a minute.”

“That’s alright. Is there anything I can do to assist?” “No, I just-” Virgil groaned and ran his hands over his face. “They’re gonna want answers and I don’t even know what happened to me yet! I’m so tired of questions.” 

“You don’t need to tell them anything,” Logan stated simply.

“But they’ll ask! And I think-” Virgil’s voice cracked. His eyes became unfocused and misty. “I think I’ll be here for a while so I can’t just not tell them.”

“Virgil, do you believe that Roman, Patton, and I know everything about each other?” 

Virgil shifted. “I mean, you basically do, right?” “Falsehood.” Logan stated. “We know quite a bit about one another, but there are things each of us would rather keep private.”

“Isn’t that wrong though? To keep secrets from each other?” 

“A key part of a secret is that it involves hiding information that affects others. Having parts of your life that are private is not the same as lying or secret-keeping.”

“But this does affect you guys! If I tell you and we, I don’t know, figure out some way to send me back, then you all won’t have to put up with me…” Virgil’s voice trailed off. 

The heartache that Logan felt earlier returned in two-fold. For a moment, emotion broke through logic, and Logan clearly saw his friend feeling scared and unwanted. He saw Virgil look at him with fear in his eyes, and Logan would not stand for it. 

“Virgil, you are my friend.” Logan said the first words boldly, then stalled. “I- um, I am out of practice with comforting words. But, I want you to know that staying with us would be no hardship. You are not an intruder nor a stranger. If this became your place of residence, I- we would not be, um, upset.” 

Logan looked at Virgil to see how his speech was received and saw an indecipherable expression on his friend’s face. Logan flushed with embarrassment. “I will go get the others. They are much better at this sort of thing.” He turned toward the stairs with his face burning. 

“Logan, wait!” Virgil called. 

Logan turned around slowly.

“Ugh, I’m not good at this either,” Virgil sighed. “But um… thanks for not freaking out and, y’know, fixing my arm and stuff. You’re, like, a good friend.”

Warmth spread through Logan’s chest with alarming suddenness. He was a good friend? “Thank you, Virgil,” Logan replied stiffly. “I will… I will get the others now.” 

The warm feeling persisted as Logan ascended the staircase. It even stayed when he found Roman and Patton fighting over the qualities of blankets. Logan explained quickly to the others Virgil’s desire to not talk about how he received his injury. The other sides accepted that request begrudgingly. Logan gathered some of the blankets into his arms to take to the living room when he was stopped by Roman.

Roman was hunched slightly. He shifted uncertainly which admittedly looked silly as he had an armful of blankets and a stuffed rabbit in his arms. Patton slipped out of the room silently, cueing Logan that this would be a serious conversation. A few moments of tense silence passed. 

“Lo, I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I got stressed when I saw Virgil hurt. Sorry.” Roman apologized awkwardly. 

“It’s alright, Roman.” 

“Good,” Roman said, but he remained hunched over. “I don’t even know why I said that stuff in the first place.”

For the second time that day, Logan found himself searching for words of comfort. Instead, all that came to mind were facts.

“There are five different responses to stress. There’s flight, fight, freeze, flop, and fawn.”

“What does this have to do with-”

“You exhibited the fight response today,” Logan cut in. “Normally, the fight response acts to remove a danger. And, since there was no visible danger to remove, your brain chose to use that energy elsewhere, which made you say things you normally wouldn’t say to me.”

“So that means…”

“It was a fear response. Nothing more.” Logan restated. “I know you didn’t mean the words you said.”

“Oh… Thank you, Logan,” Roman stated happily. “BUT, whether it makes sense or not, I will behave better next time. You have my word.” 

“I’d rather there not be a ‘next time’, but I appreciate the sentiment,” Logan replied simply. 

Roman chuckled. “That would be nice.” 

They moved down the stairs together to find Patton beginning his attempts at a pillow fort. Virgil was smiling watching Patton repeatedly knock over the cushions. Roman dramatically swept in to “rescue” the pillow fort. Logan deposited his own blankets, then noticed the copious amounts of candies in the living room and left to find more suitable food. 

In the kitchen, Logan collected some healthy snacks and water for the group. He could hear Patton and Roman’s laughter mixing with Virgil’s low sarcastic remarks. The laughter gave way to music and Logan guessed a movie had been turned on. 

Logan returned to the living room, refreshments in hand. He found the three sides tangled together under a canopy of blankets. The Nightmare Before Christmas played on the television, though it wasn’t being watched. Roman and Patton chatted idly over the top of Virgil, who was struggling to stay conscious. 

“Is your arm alright?” Logan asked quietly. 

Virgil gave a lazy thumbs up. Logan was happy to see Virgil’s arm still securely wrapped in bandages. 

“Do you think you can drink a bit of water?” 

Virgil nodded, so Logan passed him a glass. He drank slowly while the other two pillaged the snack tray. 

“Thanks, Logan,” Virgil said as he passed back the cup. 

“Yeah! Thanks, Logan!” Patton chimed in. 

“Are you going to join the snuggle puddle?” Roman asked. 

“We’re takin’ naps,” Virgil added sleepily. 

“In a moment,” Logan promised. 

He took the empty tray back into the kitchen and quickly cleaned the mess. Next, Logan did a brief check in on Thomas. A change this severe ought to have some impact on their host. Thomas assured Logan he was fine, albeit a little tired. Logan easily coaxed him into a nap. With Thomas settled, Logan finished the last loose ends; placing the first aid kit in its proper place, ensuring there was plenty more burn cream, and adjusting Thomas’ schedule to allow for the day's disruption. Finally, Logan managed to change into comfortable clothes and return to the living room. 

The Nightmare Before Christmas had finished and returned to the home screen. Afternoon sun settled over the blanket canopy, dancing over the three sleeping sides. Roman, Patton, and Virgil were entwined and splayed haphazardly on the ground, each of them wearing an expression of utter contentedness. The warm feeling rose up in Logan’s chest once again at the peaceful sight. Carefully, Logan pulled the blanket to fit snugly over his three friends. 

Logan slotted himself next to Patton who remained sound asleep. There were things to be done, as always, and the events of the day were far from resolved. But, as Logan lay in the structurally unsound pillow fort with the sun shining on his face, he decided to stay, even if it wasn’t the most logical.

[raainberry]

Moonflower - III

« In literature, the moonflower has been used as a symbol of love, mystery, and enchantment. »

Sana x gn!reader

Okay maybe it’s angst this time

synopsis - your job is still flowers. she's still not sure how she got into this mess. but maybe you could get her out of it.

- part I - part II -

wordcount - 3.4K

TW - like three (3) of the same soft cuss word

A/N - here is my first piece of work that made me cry out of frustration (we will be blaming emo hours). now if you saw my breakdown live on the tl two days ago, no you didn’t. and if you saw my update yesterday saying this very thing would be up later that day, no you didn’t either. i fell asleep, your girl was running on three hours of sleep (wonder why🥰) it happens to the best of us SORRY. hope you enjoy it though! im actually not too mad at how it turned out🤭

“How would your wedding look like?” She asked, taking a sip of her water bottle.

You chuckled softly at the question, wondering what had prompted it apart from the obvious.

“I haven’t thought about that.” You answered truthfully.

“Not even once?”

“No.”

“You’re lying.” She said, convinced of her own words.

“Am I?”

“You’ve helped hundreds of people with their own.” She pointed out. “It’s impossible not to think of what yours would look like.”

“I help them choose flowers. I’m not organizing their entire reception.” You argued.

“Then you probably thought about that much.”

You turned to her.

She was right, but you weren’t lying either.

Flowers were the only thing you’d envisioned so far.

“So which is it gonna be?” She insisted.

“Moonflowers.” You answered, making her chuckle.

“I could have guessed that.”

“Yet you haven’t.”

You fully expected the way she rolled her eyes at you before looking away to focus on the dark horizon.

A small, comfortable silence settled between the two of you. One of many throughout this spontaneous outing, and with each one, you seemed to appreciate them a little more.

Because they never seem to last with her.

“I’ll get the moonflowers.” She blurted out, cutting the moment short yet again.

“What?”

“For the wedding.” She said, almost shrugging as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Given the context, it was, but still… You stayed silent, thinking back to the very reason you were even sitting beside her at the moment.

The two of you were parked at the top of some small hill overlooking part of the town, laying against the windshield of your car and sitting on top of the hood.

All your problems seemed so small up there, barely even deserving of a thought. The afternoon you just spent together did wonders for your souls.

She had asked you to drive around before going back home. That somehow lead you to hours of wasting gas and money at random shops, most of which you’d never even heard of.

The more you followed her around, the more it all felt like a getaway. Not in the idyllic sense, rather in the literal one. You could tell she was avoiding her apartment. Obviously you had an idea as to why, and maybe that’s what pushed you to give in to every single one of her requests.

It was nice doing things she wanted.

Sana eventually realised that was the true reason why she delayed returning to her apartment over and over. She couldn’t care less about the man living there with her, nor about whether or not he was actually waiting for her there.

She just didn’t want it to stop. The feeling of mattering. Of being considered. Being seen. Heard.

Her smile slowly returned as hours went by, justifying everything you’d done for her in so little time. It gave you purpose, proving you weren’t losing your mind in vain.

Because boy did she drive you insane.

Was she really still going through with it all?

“Why don’t you choose your own?” You asked her, trying to distract yourself from your own thoughts.

At the end of the day, it was none of your business. It wasn’t your decision to make.

“Possessive much?” She teased, and you straightened yourself up. The top of this hood suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“Not necessarily. But the only way you’re getting moonflowers at your wedding is by marrying me.”

That’s what you heard yourself say just seconds later.

You’d mumbled it to yourself, letting your old flirting skills and days get the best of you for some reason. You looked at her, hoping she hadn’t heard or at least not enough to get it.

A second passed. Then two. Three.

The lack of questioning was alarming, and in good reason.

You had managed to make her speechless. Unwillingly, yes, but it only made it that much more unbelievable.

Even thinking she couldn’t do, as if her mind had short-circuited at the thought of marrying someone else than the man she’d been conditioned to.

“It was a joke.” You finally spoke up, hoping to break her out of her trance.

It was the truth. It might have been borderline flirting, but the main goal was humor. You were technically joking.

But still. All she did was blink.

Maybe she needed help at finding words, that’s why her lips suddenly fell on yours, right? To steal them from you?

You mentally chuckled at your ridiculous thought process, ashamed of it as if it had been heard by the whole world. Good thing it faded out with each one of her kisses.

She was efficient, you’ll give her that. However what stuck with you was how soft, how delicate her lips were against yours. It debilitated all cognitive functions of your brain. The power was out for at least three seconds at one point. You couldn’t think straight, kissing her back as if you were supposed to.

As if she were yours to begin with.

It’s unclear how long it took for you to gain enough sense back, all you knew was that feeling her bite down on your bottom lip did the trick.

The faint pain as she tugged on it ever so softly snapped you back to reality, warning you about what would come if you didn’t pull away in the next second.

You felt your heart race as it all sunk in.

The one thing you had told yourself not to fall into earlier that day… A trap that seemed so obvious it managed to fool you. You practically jumped into it.

As much as you danced around it, you knew what you were here for. What you’d agreed to. What she wanted you for.

You knew you were just a pawn in her vendetta from the start. She’d made it very clear. So why did the whole idea just dawn on you now?

Maybe you’d turned a blind eye for as long as you could, you couldn’t say to save your life. All you knew was that you didn’t like it one bit.

So when she went for another kiss, leaning in to capture your swollen bottom lip, you made sure she never reached it.

That earned you a confused look from her, as if it were the first time her kiss was denied. The sight would have been amusing, if only you didn’t feel so torn yourself…

Your gaze reflected that to Sana, and she had a hard time figuring out what exactly was it that was so wrong.

Though she could at least tell you were tormented, it was only confirmed when you jumped off the hood.

She watched as you started to walk away from the car and further into the darkness surrounding you.

Where the hell were you going? You were basically in the middle of nowhere.

“Y/N!”

The sound of the rocks and dirt beneath your shoes faded out as you came to a halt, feeling her eyes burning into your back.

“Where are you going?”

You turned around, seeing she had stepped off the hood too, and taken a few steps towards you.

“I’m going home.” You told her, tearing your eyes off her as you started walking away again.

“So you’re leaving me alone in some hilltop at night in the middle of nowhere?”

No, you weren’t.

You made sure to brush right past her on your way back, though, heading straight into the driver’s seat.

Slamming the door behind you, you let out a heavy sigh you were sure she’d heard from outside. It took longer than you’d have liked for her to join you, only sitting in the passenger seat after making sure you’d calmed down.

Not a word from her. Not a sound from you. Only your clothes rubbing together as your leg showed itself to be restless.

You refused to look at her. She didn’t like the attitude, but a part of her could understand. So she didn’t say anything, and stared out her own window in silence.

As minutes went by, your anger and frustration slowly get overcome by a familiar sensation.

Greed. You wanted to know.

Nothing about this woman concerned you. Yet you wanted to know more. You needed to.

The feeling appeared as soon as she’d spoken up at the flower shop, and now it managed to appear without a single word from her.

It was only days ago. The speed of it all was frightening.

Yet you couldn’t help how curious the still silhouette in the corner of your eye made you. What was she thinking about now?

The wedding? Her fiancé? Herself? You?

Turning to look at her, you watched her through a calmer mind as your questions grew in number despite yourself.

“What’s on your mind?” You finally spoke up.

Your voice was louder than you remembered. It startled her, but she hid it well before meeting your gaze.

“Nothing you’d care about.”

You frowned internally. The same feeling as back in the flower shop again. You felt it back when she sat down beside you on the hood earlier too.

She was close. She was pretty. So pretty.

You suddenly felt jealous, and that pretty much signed off on the insanity of this situation you’d somehow put yourself in. Or maybe she’d dragged you in it, who cares, it wasn’t important anymore.

“Don’t get married.”

You whispered this time, but the words were still loud.

Sana closed her eyes, and the silence that followed was loud enough to stress about it. Your words had slipped out again, but this time you found nothing to cover them up with.

Partly because you didn’t even want to cover them up.

Her eyes opened again, allowing the cheap lighting outside to reflect on those beautiful brown eyes. You were in awe at that point. Tired, but still able to appreciate such a pretty sight.

“You’re so unfair.”

You snapped out of your trance at the sound of your own thoughts echoing through her lips.

“What?”

“You know why I brought you here, right?”

Her gaze fixated far ahead while you could only focus on hers. You weren’t trying to make her look at you, though. You were only trying to see what she was seeing.

“Answer me.” She ordered, attempting to conceal the weakness in her voice.

“I do.” You admitted.

“Then help me.” She pleaded. “I can’t do it alone.”

“I’m trying to.” You assured her. “Ever since you stepped into the shop, that’s all I’ve done.”

“Then why did you pull away?”

You sighed once more, finding interest out the windshield as well. Your lips parted without sound for a second, debating on whether or not you should let these words slip out too…

“I don’t want to be your scapegoat.”

Sana swallowed the knot in her throat. The truth was a little hard, but it remained. You were right.

She didn’t plan on kissing you earlier. That alone could have proven your worries to be wrong. However, everything she managed to think about as soon as her lips touched yours… It all gave you more than one reason to worry.

Giving in to desire was weak on her part. Part of her regretted it. It threw away all her hopes of ever pulling the spectacular revenge she dreamed about.

So she had to think of a backup plan.

What she managed to come up with was simple, deprived of any details she would normally be able to think of. Infatuation only allowed her to think of the big picture, while she focused on satisfying her desire.

By that point, she did plan on sleeping with you. She did plan on letting her fiancé find out. And after that, she did plan on throwing you under the bus if things ever got too much to handle.

Now that her mind was given time to properly think, she realised something very upsetting.

This so called backup plan was none other than her inital one. One she’d made up in the lowest point of her life, all out of hope and lost in purpose.

She was back at square one.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, making you look back at her.

Her eyes were closed, and you found out it was a weak attempt at stopping the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

The sight of them surprisingly left you indifferent. You stared at her in silence for a few long seconds, unsure of what to do, or say.

You were hesitant, but you were far from heartless.

Your index finger ended up reaching for her jaw, catching the salted droplet before it stained the fabric of her pants below. The one on the other side of her face might have, but that wasn’t something to worry about for either of you.

Sana’s mind was stuck on your finger lingering on her sharpest bone. The feeling of your skin against hers, of a touch as innocent as this one… It was conflicting.

She opened her eyes, catching yours by surprise. She expected you to, but you didn’t look away this time. That allowed her to notice the color of your eyes for the first time.

She couldn’t tell you why she got stuck on such a detail, and to be honest, she didn’t feel the need to find a reason.

She could, so she did. Something else she hadn’t been able to do in a long while.

And it felt good.

“Y/N…”

Your jaw clenched at the sound. Your name sounded so pretty enlaced in that sweet voice of hers…

You felt your breath catch in your throat as you anticipated her next words. The flutter in your chest made itself known again as the adrenaline left little room for shock when she’d eventually say them.

“Do you still want to sabotage a wedding?”

A heavy sigh freed the breath that had caught in your throat.

It dawned on you yet again. Hearing those words for a second time… You were going in circles. This really was nothing but a trap.

You didn’t know if she’d done it on purpose, if she lured you in or if she was just as stuck as you were—Hell, you didn’t even care.

You just needed to get out while you could.

So your hand found the key in the ignition, and it took no time for you to start the car up.

The sound of the engine revving as you prepared to leave triggered something in the woman sitting next to you. Something that made her heart race as she began mumbling something.

It seemed as though she was repeating something under her breath, her gaze out in the dark around you and absent like she’d retreated within her own mind.

Her words were loud enough for you to notice she was saying something, but not enough to understand it.

You froze at the scene, unsure if you should hear her out, reassure her or step on the gas. It was obvious what you should do, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to.

So she made you do it herself.

“I don’t want to go back!” She yelled over the engine, and grabbed onto your arm.

You let go of the key, her fingers tightening around your forearm as her eyes looked for yours.

“I don’t want to go back.” She repeated, her voice barely a whisper.

Your eyebrows furrowed, something you could only feel as your body reacted to her once more. You didn’t know what hurt more; seeing the tears pool in her eyes as she struggled to hold them back or her nails digging though the fabric and into your skin.

“Please...”

You couldn’t answer as something on her hand distracted you from the pain. Something shiny. A glimmer on her ring finger—most likely diamonds. Might as well have been rocks; it held no value in that so called promise between her and that man. At the least it didn’t for one of them.

You looked back at the bearer, your jaw tense as you thought. Your mind flashed back to mere moments ago. Why was she still wearing it? She had no right to. Not after leaving such betrayal on your lips.

“Then take it off.” You spoke up, your voice hoarse as if you’d been yelling for liberation.

Her mind was shaken, desperate to see through eyes that looked so unfamiliar now.

Your gaze was stern. It all looked blurry, as if you’d built a wall in front of what she had access to just moments ago…

“What?”

“The ring, Sana. Take it off.”

She barely glanced down at her own hand before looking back at you. The chuckle tasted bitter on your tongue.

“You can’t even face it.”

“That’s all I’ve been telling you.” She let out a defeated sob. “Why don’t you just do it for me?”

You looked back down at her hand, and her gaze followed yours to land there as well. She hated the sight of it. It felt as though it had been there forever.

All she dreamed about was taking it off.

All you had to do was take it off.

So you did, and finally slipped the ring off her finger, holding it between two of your own.

She mindlessly watched as your thumb and index rolled it around to observe it above the steering wheel. All that pain. All that torment. All because of a single, shiny metal ring.

“Doesn’t it feel lighter?” You spoke in an attempt to pull her out of her own mind. The last thing she needed was to get lost in it.

“I…” She trailed off, looking down at her hand, and finally seeing her finger naked in what felt like a lifetime. “It does.”

You trapped the jewel inside your fist, sighing as you leaned back against the back of your seat.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well…” Your hand found the commands of the automatic windows, pushing the button to roll yours down. “Whatever you do, you take care of yourself.”

Most people would have asked what the hell you were doing. If that ring didn’t hold any sentimental value, financially, it still held its own.

Not Sana, though. She didn’t seem phased by your action as she watched it land who knows where.

“Wait…” She trailed off, rewinding your words. “Are you not going to stick around?”

“I did all I could, Sana.” You started, your eyes focused out the open window as a breeze helped to dry off the tears before they even formed. “I kept my word and helped you. I took it off. But you’re gonna need to face him yourself.”

“But I can’t do it alone—“

“You have to.” You snapped, turning back to look at her. You ignored her lips parted in surprise, and continued. “If what I’ve learned about you in this short time is true, it’s the only way you’ll ever be free.”

“What have you learned?”

“Nothing.” You scoffed. “That’s why you have to do it. You’re the only one who actually knows how to deal with this. I can be by your side all you want, but I’ll never be any help. No one ever will.”

Your rant caused a small sob to escape her lips, and she ignored your surprise when she reached for your hand. You could only let her again, allowing yourself to relish in her touch and find pleasure in your body’s reactions to it.

You looked down at your joined hands, watching her intertwine them. You found yourself responding to her touch, your fingers closing around hers.

“Then at least stay.”

You softly caressed the top of her thumb, giving yourself some time to actually think before agreeing this time.

“On one condition.” You said, finding her eyes.

“What is it?”

You glanced down at your tangled hands.

It was an insane thing to look at. To feel. It didn’t make any sense. You’d only met her three days ago. You’d only spent an afternoon, part of an evening with her.

Yet so much happened. So much was felt.

You blinked, and her hand was still in yours. It felt good. But it lacked warmth.

It was telling.

At that moment in time, deep down, you knew this wouldn’t last.

Maybe you’ll part ways right after she’d break the engagement off. Maybe you’ll date and break up once you realise it was all comfort and reassurance disguising as love and affection. Maybe she won’t even break the engagement off.

Whatever the reason, you knew you wouldn’t see her at your wedding.

So you had to make one last thing clear.

“I keep the moonflowers.”

[hajihiko]

Now that youre done with v3 may I ask about what your final thoughts on each character are? (Briefly, if you dont feel like elaborating too much-- like a senstence each maybe?)

Ok warning for opinions: I'm not head over heels for a lot of the cast

Shuichi- sweet boy I like his emo vibes (both in jest and also how he's actually pretty emotional)

Kaede- sweet girl gone to soon :'( why do this to the girl Protag

Kaito- fun guy I like him I hate his hair. Hypocrite (character trait) (not moral judgement) (affectionate)

Maki- grew on me a lot her expressions are cute. Also hypocrite (same brackets as above)

Himiko- good voice acting and I guess the character development was pretty good! Never grabbed me as a character tho

Keebo: my beloved. I didn't think he'd be so important! Thank you for being helpful and rational sweet robo boy.

Tenko: I've been told the translation made her a lot more aggressive than the original Japanese text but she sooooo annoying about the Degenerate Male thing and it was too much of her dialogue

Angie: most fun design, biggest cutie. I know she was kind of sinister sometimes but I forgive her BC I actually enjoyed the time she was on screen.

Korekiyo: coolest design, actually kind of intriguing character, but then the backstory hit... I dunno I could continue to be interested I guess but it's a little weird now.

Miu: I liked her more at the start but then I feel like she didn't grow at all? It's like she started being a bit different when Kaede was still protagging and then she just didn't stop being The Overtly Loud And Suggestive One.

Gonta: darling. Precious. Probably one of the saddest cases :(

Ryoma: I'm biased because fsr I liked him from the start. Didn't get a chance to develop much. Get him some therapy.

Oh my god there's so many of them aughshdh

Rantaro: pretty and good voice. What a waste of a good design since we didn't get to see him do like anything

Kirumi: I like her potential and I probably would have ended up liking her if she'd lived, but kudos for being one of the few calm and helpful characters.

Tsumugi: props for being incredibly unassuming if I hadn't already known. They really made her just boring enough to be not suspicious, but not too boring to be suspicious again. Annoying voice tho

Kokichi: only surpassed by the monokubs in how much l don't like him.

Monokubs: die

[idkwhatever580]

Agatha All Along Commentary

⚠️WARNING⚠️ AGATHA ALL ALONG 1x6 SPOILERS AHEAD

you’ve been warned

Im late again guys 😣 alright. Here goes nothing. I’m seriously considering taking my anxiety meds before these episodes because atp that might help.

Started watching at 3:00 pm

I stg I stg I stg I stg if this turns out bad I’m gonna throw up. And that says a lot considering I have emetophobia

Ooh fancy he’s Jewish

I’m not familiar with the Jewish religion but seems pretty cool.

Okay so we have established that this is Billy Kaplan which idk how y’all dug so deep to figure it out but I guess it was common knowledge and I do not have common knowledge so it adds up

Ooh now there’s a party funnn lol

I wish I had parents that were proud of me

Lmaooooo “you’re both disgusting” is so fucking real

4:25

ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???

She’s kinda hot guys. I have daddy issues but I’m a lesbian lmaoooo

5:14

WTFFFF I CANT DO THIS SHIT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANS BUT SHES TOTALLY LYING TO HIM IN THIS

5:42

wtf does the tower reversed mean bitch

6:14

Hearing her say baby is so fucking hot I’m gonna nut everywhere

Oh lord guys I seriously have problems… but don’t say you weren’t thinking it too 😏

6:51

WTF IS THAT THING A PROTECTION SPELL OR WHAT?!?!

DID SHE PLACE THE SIGIL?!?!

Omg if she placed the sigil on him that would be insane

7:46

If y’all out there with the theories about Billy maximoff’s soul taking over Billy kaplan’s body im kms because that’s so valid

——id like to let y’all know that I know nothing about the marvel comics and I do not intend on learning or digging that deep kk? I also don’t know what Wiccan is but I guess it’s Billy maximoff? Not looking for someone to explain it tho lol——

IM SCARED J DONT WANNA SEE MY BABY

NO WANDA NO WANDA I DIDNT NEED TO HEAR HER VOICE

8:34

Holy shit.

8:39

Watching it disappear is so sad. Like I know she’s hurting and saving the rest of them

9:00

OH MY GOD THE PARENTS STAYED ALIVE I THOUGHT YALL SAID THEY ALL DIED OR LIKE TWO DEATHS

9:33

NO FUCKING WAY THIS SHIT IS ACTUALLY TRUE

Y’all playing too hard

9:52

No fucking way. I’m actually so done right now. I’m so fucking done I need to scream at someone and it needs to be the fucking producer

10:15

That must be so fucking scary to go to “sleep” as Billy Maximoff and wake up in someone else’s body. Like in Disney shows when they switch and shit they have a moment where they look in the mirror and scream but this is def more realistic

Also I thought someone said there were two deaths. I don’t see no dead people up in this bitch

10:55

wtf is this?? inside out?

11:06

Noooohohohoooooo I forgot that Billy M can mind read and shit

12:33

That dog knows

Why is it always the dog that knows?

13:44

Having to call her mom must have sucked balls

15:22

Damn he already trying to fit the part bro. Moving on too damn fast

Him and his mom with the lying bro ✋🙄

Stop I sound like Agatha 😭

16:02

SHE DID PLACE THE SIGIL ON HIM WTFFFF

16:26

Okay I see you little emo gay kid having more piercings than me and having kissed more people than me and I’m older than you 🙄

17:26

Damn that’s crazy. He actually is telling this dude his shit

18:40

Damn that’s so fucking crazy his smile is creeping me out bro

Also I totally knew little Billy M was meant to be a little gay baby

19:24

Damnit all of these hoes have connection with him. Of some kind

19:57

You found a guy on Reddit. And you’re meeting him? That sounds like you’re getting killed.

OMG WHO IS IT TELL ME WHO IT IS

ITS RALPH NO ITS RALPH POOR RANDALL SORRY RANDALL ITS JUST WE KNOW YOU AS RALPH

21:06

Damn he went kinda crazy from being with Agatha all that time huh? That means the only one that can handle her is rioooooo

21:42

Don’t take my wife’s name in vain hoe

lol I’m kidding

I also apparently have multiple wives

Lmaoooo please ask about Agatha harkness

24:06

YOU FUCKING MURDERED SPARKY I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS I DONT CARE IF SHE MADE YOU DO THAT SHIT I HATE YOU

24:19

Omg I can’t do this shit

Does this mean that Tommy is also in someone’s body?

25:27

I seriously do wanna know what kind of crazy that lady eats for breakfast. And I hope it’s me 😏

26:24

Yeaaaahhhh this song eats me up.

27:20

HOHOHOHHHHH THAT PICTURE IS THE IMAGE OF A FA- a gay woman. A gay witchy woman…. 👀

27:36

OH YEAH THEY BROUGHT MY GIRL DOLLY INTO IT

DOLLY PARTON FOR PRESIDENT 2024

Ahem… excuse my political views ✋😭

28:20

Omg omg omg he’s going on the road to find Tommy I’m gonna cryyyyy

29:43

Oh he’s so emo with his eyeliner and his black heart boyfriend and his belt chain and his witchy witchyness

…okay maybe im jealous

29:55

Ugh mommy. They’re both so hot. I know we only see Agatha in this part but I’ll nut to the thought of Aubrey Plaza

30:06

You’re seriously using a fucking house lamp you idiot ✋😭

30:29

You tell me to stop I’ll do it mommy

OH LAWD I HAVE ISSUES

I have to shit bro 😭

31:07

Hooligan is so fucking funny 😭

31:33

Guys I’m nutting everywhere from her sitting like that she’s soooo gayyyyyy

The producer really said “gay” and Kathryn Hahn said “yes”

32:16

I think if I was in that situation as teen, I’d say I want to. I want to poke that damn bear and see if she’ll throw me on the desk and- oh. Right right. Not the point ✋😭😏

I ALSO JUST REALIZED THAT SHE IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT IS RALPHS RANDALLS? Idk anymore bro

32:59

Wait… this is so fucking funny bro 😭😭😭

33:45

OMG SHES LIKE IN THE INTERROGATION TABLE AND ITS ACTUALLY HER HOUSE BRO

I NEVER MADE THAT CONNECTION 😭😭😭

34:21

HOT HOOOTTTTT SHES SO HOT RIPPING THAT TAPE IS SO HOT

34:28

THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY BRO

34:46

Hold on these side swipe things are going too fast I’m so lost. 😭 I hate having a horrible memory that makes me not be able to remember every single detail when we’re going back to something from a different pov

35:10

STFU SHE COULDNT HEAR EITHER TIME AND BOTH TIMES HE SAID SOMETHING DIFFERENT I WONDER WHAT HE SAID ON THE ROAD WITH THE OTHER WITCHES

35:19

YEEESSSSS IM SK GLAD WERE BACK TO THE ROAD

35:28

Yes! Pull yourself out of that mystery goop!!!

36:11

FUCK YOU BITCH FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU DONT BREAK THE SIGIL PIECE FUCK YOU

37:53

Wait. I am so gullible I like her being nice bro ✋😭

38:00

COVERED IN MYSTERIOUS ROAD GOOP OR NOT THAT POSE IS FUCKIGN HOT

38:09

I can’t tell if she’s crying because she’s happy the SIGIL is broken and she’s right or if she’s crying because she actually liked the kid

38:33

FUCK SHES BEING EVIL AGAIN I NEED A GOOD AGATHA AND I KNOW IM NOT GETTING THAT BUT A GIRL CAN DREAM

38:45

I’ll kill someone for you Agatha

39:05

Wait when she’s like don’t feel guilty about your talent I feel like she’s trying to be evil but it’s kind of endearing. Like. Shes so strong about it which means so many witches have felt guilty about their talents before and she doesn’t want that to hinder him. Even if she is evil that’s pretty sweet.

39:53

OH FUCK YOU BITCH KYS KYS HAHA THATS WHY YOU CANT USE YOUR POWERS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD GOOD NOT DECENT GOOD

40:43

Stfu Agatha. Don’t mess with our bitch.

Robo papa? BAHAHAHAHAHAAA

she knowsssss

41:34

BAHAHAHHAAHAAAAA

42:02

“Got it” not her being serious for once ✋😭

42:25

DONT I KNOW IT BITCH YOU DIDNT HAVE TO TELL ME IM WATXHING YOU LITTLE MAXIMOFF BITCH

Post watching notes:

I seriously needed some Agathario shit and I didn’t get that and I’m mad. IM SO MAD THAT THE INTIMACY COORDINATOR WAS FOR TEO LITTLE BOYS I NEEDED MY MIDDLE AGE WOMEN TO MAKE TF OUT THEY ARE TEASING ME 😖😖😖

[acourtofthought]

hi I am a new ACOTAR reader 👋🏼 and I was so shocked to enter this fandom and see all the ship wars going on. I guess I’m more of a casual reader? But I thought SJM was going for elucien which listen - adorable - but then she spend the books after they were declared mates just dissing that entire plot line? Like ok I get it they don’t HAVE to be head over heels like feysand and nessian yet, but since ACOWAR there’s barely any elucien interactions and they’re all described as uncomfortable and idk why she would have them be mates and then turn around and just wreck that setup? Lucien barely is in the books anymore?

And then Sarah started writing these “looks” and shy smiles between elain and azriel and I was like ok I get it too I guess, if Lucien is like not even present in the books anymore? I feel like she straight up changed her mind or something because why did she do all that setup and now is introducing a new love interest? Being mates MEANS something right? Idk it seems like she’s abandoning elucien to me which is sad bc they could’ve been so good together 😭 like bat boy is great don’t get me wrong but we don’t know shit about him other than he is vaguely menacing and has shadows

He’s not shown interest in anyone except Mor or Elain so idk what his plotline will be (if he gets a book even). And yes, I did read this controversial bonus chapter and I genuinely saw it as a nail in this elucien coffin instead of gwynriel as people are saying. Like why would Elain kiss HIM when she has a mate? Lucien is RIGHT THERE ?? It just seems so convoluted for no reason. Like is this a love triangle setup? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ it would be easy if Gwyn and azriel were mates so elucien could nicely work out but I barely remember anything about Gwyn and Az interactions let alone anything to suggest romantic themes. So I don’t get that ship at ALL. Like azriel could be shipped with anyone at this point if Gwyn is being considered an option.

Idk I assume there’s hella analysis on this but I just don’t know why SJM would make elucien mates and then throw this random emo bat boy plotline in the mix. I’ve kind of abandoned that hope after ACOSF unless there’s something I’m missing that brings Lucien back in the game? (Genuinely where even is heeee like sir get your girl - respectfully)

Welcome to the fandom! And I'm sorry ahead of time, it's simultaneously fun, exhausting, and infuriating, haha.

I do understand why it feels like she set Elucien up with a bang and just let it fizzle but if you consider why she might have done that, I think it makes sense.

Are you in love? Have you been in love?

Imagine if you are a month away from your wedding. It's your first love, your first experience with intimacy, and the person you have imagined the rest of your life with. Maybe children, a home.

And overnight that dream is ripped away from you.

Not only is it ripped away from you but you're suddenly feeling a connection (because I fully believe Elain knew Lucien was something to her before he ever whispered that they were mates) to a random stranger who you have never seen before.

Your heart was promised to another but now you're chanting "traitor, traitor, traitor" over and over in your head because you're looking at this stranger and feeling big things for him.

But you're whisked away and the connection is broken and you're taken to a strange land where you're forced to think of everything that you've now left behind in the human lands. Where your fiance is probably wondering what happened to you, where you're no longer able to spend time in your gardens, see the people in the household you've grown to care for, knowing your father will be wondering what happened to you when he returns.

But through that depression you feel the tiniest bit of hope that you can go back. That your fiance will love you despite this new thing you've become and were taught to fear. That maybe, the life you loved can still be yours again.

But the stranger comes back into your life with it a torrent of emotions that you're struggling to understand and to control and it's all too much, it's too overwhelming so you shut down. You're not ready to face what it means when you're desperately trying to hold on to what was lost because if you can get that back, maybe things will make sense again.

But your fiance cruelly rejects you. The one who swore he'd love you until you were old and gray and he tossed you aside as if none of it mattered. As if you didn't matter. And he mentions the stranger to you as if it's a dirty word and maybe some of this is his fault. It's not, you know it's not but it's easier to blame someone.

But then you all nearly lose someone you care for during the war and suddenly, maybe that misplaced anger is easier to let go of.

But the war ends and you slowly settle into a new life, trying to forget about what you lost. Your fiance. Your home. Your friends. And even your father. So you put up a wall and you refuse to engage with your "mate" because some of that anger is back. You didn't ask for any of this. You don't want to be dealing with emotions you can't control when he's around when you're already dealing with so much. He makes it impossible to think straight. He makes everything confusing. But when you ignore him, it's easier to pretend. Everything is easier because you don't feel and when you feel right now, it hurts and it's too much and it's overwhelming.

But you can pretend around your sisters because they don't push you to deal with those emotions. You can pretend around Az because he keeps it light and you have no pull to him. He's handsome of course. But the conversations are surface level and you don't have to think about the things that plague you when it's late at night and you're alone. But you are lonely and comfort from another would be nice, wouldn't it? So you engage in a flirtation with Az. You avoid your mate when he's around because feeling too much is not something you can handle in the same year of your fiance's rejection and your fathers death and your lost humanity. You want to escape and you can do this in this school girls crush with him.

You alternate between dying inside while trying to make the best of your new situation and moments where you can fool yourself into thinking that infatuation is just the thing to help you get by but deep down you know you're avoiding everything. You hate yourself for ignoring your mate, knowing how patient he is, how kind but knowing that you're afraid. Afraid to love someone else. Afraid to lose someone else. So you'll keep taking the path of safety. Living in the NC, making Feyre's found family your new family. Liking the available brothers. It's all perfect and easy and safe.

Until the rejection on Solstice and your illusion comes crashing down. It doesn't matter what you do, you can't hide from reality for long and the time is coming for you to face everything you've been avoiding.

So yes.......Elain and Lucien on the surface appear to be lukewarm as of late.

But I think that when we finally get an Elain POV, we're going to see how intense and deep those still waters go. I think that's why SJM has hidden her POV because I think Elain's true feelings are going to bowl us over.

And I wouldn't say Lucien is not in the books anymore. He was heavily featured all the way up into the novella. SF of course was Nessian's story and since the POV shifted from Feyre to Nesta, it's understandable why Lucien was somewhat absent as he reports to Rhys (not Nesta) and lives in the Human Lands. SJM actually went out of her way to include Lucien on a few occasions in a story where his presence would have been odd when you consider his relationship to Nesta (non existent). I think people also fail to remember that everytime Eris and Helion were on page, that's information that can be applied to Lucien's future story too.

[rey-0f-sunshine]

!!SPOILERS FOR IN YOUR EYES FROM JD25!!

so, now that we don't have a story, I guess In Your Eyes will hold me over because despite it being a prequel map, I have more questions than answers

first off, I am a bit worried about how Cygnus having manipulated Leda into becoming evil will impact her eventual defeat- it just kind of feels nasty to say that Leda can be redeemed after all she's done, even if she was manipulated. there are ways this can be executed well, but I'm worried she'll be a "redeemable villain" which rubs me the wrong way about her character, especially since she knows she's not a good person

anyways onto the fun stuff:

-this first thing is on the same level as Treasure and Never Be Like You where there is a HUGE implication of a double meaning in the lyrics, I only caught it after 3 times and oh my god it's incredible: In Your Eyes is a song about cheating, which I initially took at face value, but once we get to the point where Cygnus has this whole mural of Night Swan in the background, it changes a bit. that mural?? Leda sure as hell ain't looking at it (but Cygnus sure as hell is)- and the lyrics at that point in the song are literally "I always look the other way, I'm blind, I'm blind" SHE'S LITERALLY BLIND TO HIS MANIPULATION SHE IS ACTUALLY LOOKING THE OTHER WAY WHAT THAT'S GENIUS

-so is Jack from Earth or??? like why was the Traveler looking at Earth anyways? he already knows Leda wants to stay (also- side tangent, what if the Traveler was looking for Leda and then found Si'ha Nova instead of him always having been looking for Si'ha??)

-did Night Swan and Cygnus cause Eternyx to become the Danceverse that was so heavily associated with Dark Flow? I NEED to know what the whole deal with Cygnus' mural is because if Eternyx wasn't always lowkey emo that would be crazy

-also, I have a feeling I know why Cygnus went after Leda specifically (is this going to inevitably draw back to a Mihaly parallel? now that I think about it, yes, yes it will): when Leda shows up in Eternyx, her glove is glowing like how it did in Murder on the Dancefloor- I have a feeling that everyone was so impressed with her because she pulled up out of nowhere with incredibly powerful Flow, hence the glove glowing, and so Cygnus found out and decided she was the perfect candidate because she happened to be so powerful and skilled out of nowhere; all he needed was a powerful enough candidate to help him execute his plans, and Leda, being new wouldn't have any idea of his plans, her immense potential meant she was perfect for his vision (again, it makes me think of Night Swan seeing Mihaly's potential but this ain't about them)

-brother why was the Traveler lowkey so dramatic at the beginning like look what you've done now Jack is spinning too 💀 (except this means that Jack wasn't waving, he was trying to figure out the cool ass spin move his maybe-dad just did)

-and i still am so curious about the fact that this takes place where Lose Yourself was supposed to- what was that place used for then?? how did it change once Night Swan took over??

MORE QUESTIONS!!:

-why did Leda go to Eternyx in the first place??

-so are Jack and Wander related or not?? (please it's so unclear)

-WHAT IS CYGNUS' MOTIVATION HELLO??? and also why was he acting so like "oh no my lover she's gone i need to see her again!!" in Beggin'?? YOU MANIPULATED HER TO BE THIS WAY WHAT (I have so many thoughts that I can't fit into a post)

I'm sure there's more to talk about but this is already a lot, so I'll stop here

There will probably be a video about this map eventually though

[wildernezz]

fine, I'll bite. Analyze me

okay i was not expecting this for a lot of reasons but i'm intrigued now so i'll bite back.

i usually do these analyzations on my other blog actually, @analyzing-people-like-hell, and i usually ask for a few characters just to make sure i'm going on the right track, but i think i can work with just skimming through your posts.

i doubt it's all that accurate because of the lack of information, but it's somethin', so hopefully it's at least entertaining to some extent:

toxic yaoi called they want their lawlight back.

you definitely kin either L or Light. i'm leaning towards L more just because of what you seem like, but i feel like you'd at least semi-relate to Light to some extent, and both can give a lot of insight. for one, you're definitely not a people person. the thought of engaging with most of the frivolous activities you see people do not only bores you, but it might even disgust you as well. or maybe you just lack the social skills to deal with people so you tend to avoid them all together. either way, it does make people keen on viewing you as more of an asshole type. you probably are a bit of an asshole, but your nature ensures that you get the job done, so it's not like anybody can complain.

i don't know what your parents did but i can just smell the parental issues from you. for whatever reason, you find them inadequate and maybe even failures of guardians. it's hard to pinpoint why you'd feel that way, but my guesses are that they were probably just negligent in general. they probably didn't treat you with respect, or just didn't treat you with any care in general. i can imagine they get needlessly pissy with you a lot and blame/push their problems onto you. who knows, either way they don't seem very nice, and they're maybe even a lot worse than what i'm assuming.

despite not being much of a people person, you seem pretty emotionally-intelligent. you spend so much time with yourself that it's easy for you to control your emotions and stay pretty level-headed in situations that would normally fracture others. it gives you an advantage when getting to know people. you understand yourself enough to keep yourself safe, but it also helps you understand where other people might be coming from. there was also this one reblog i found when skimming through your posts: "when you want to be heartless but you know that's not how you are" that does make me question a lot of my initial guesses. maybe you just want to appear like somebody who couldn't care less about what people think, but deep down you still do. you want to give the world the same kind of pain it dealt you, but you just can't. despite all the rage festering inside you, you can't seem to stop caring. (which honestly fucking relatable i can't blame you there man.)

also you're definitely emo. and somewhere on the gay agenda. there's definitely something you regret from 2020 specifically. idk what, but it's probably there.

that's all i can really think of right now. my bad if this is completely off, but it's the best i could come up with. i'd def be willing to try again given a list of characters if you wanted. i'm gonna go work on my spanish presentation now. adiós, you emo disaster. thank you for giving me more procrastination time.

[synonomy]

Fanfic Author Interview

Aw damn I got tagged in something! Thank you to the lovely @imsiriuslyreading <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

27.

What's your total AO3 word count?

347,553

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Ignoring the non-Marauders stuff, my number one is For My Impertinence, a Wolfstar A/B/O Regency AU. 91k words - 2,355 kudos.

And my second to fifth are just all the fics in my Truly Two series lol. Also a Wolfstar A/B/O AU, wherein Sirius never went to Azkaban and is raising Harry with Remus. 45k words - 3,457 kudos altogether.

Do you respond to comments?

Always! Though sometimes it takes me a while. Years in some cases lol

The only time I won't is if you're one of those lovely people who comment on every single chapter (when the whole fic is complete). Then I'll usually just respond to the first and last.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I wrote unrequited love once. For my OTP at the time. Don't know what possessed me.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Nowadays they're all pretty sappy. At 32 I'm just about out of my emo teen phase, finally.

Do you write crossovers?

Nope. Generally find them cringe.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really. One anonymous comment back in like 2015. Then on FMI I had someone aggressively complaining about the background Jegulus because I hadn't explicitly tagged it (which is fair enough tbh), but they were complimentary otherwise. I don't think they're gonna like what I have in mind for the sequel heh

Do you write smut?

Oh yeah. Honestly the rest of the story is just foreplay.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Somebody told me (that you had a boyfriend) that one of my fics was on Wattpad (lol) once, but I couldn't see it myself without an account. Pissed me off though; I rallied the troops to harass them and apparently the person took it down. Again this was like 2013 lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

People used to ask me all the time if they could, but very rarely would I receive the requested link to a finished work. Although, to be fair, I sometimes wouldn't reply until like four years later, so... who knows? I think there's a couple linked to my stuff on AO3; if there's any others, they are posted elsewhere.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. I imagine I'd fall in love with the person I could do that with happily (I'm generally a control freak with my work)

What's your all-time favourite ship?

I can't say 'all-time' 'cause the times are always a-changin', know what I mean? Currently it's Wolfstar, but I have been equally obsessive about many other doomed gays.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I always think I'm never gonna finish anything. It's only when I'm literally in the last paragraph that I think maybe I'll have a chance this time lol. FMI was a huge fluke I think. Previously I always avoided doing chaptered fics because I was so certain I'd never finish them.

What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhhhh I guess I can do dialogue okay?

What are your writing weaknesses?

I overexplain. The 'show, don't tell' rule committed suicide because of me. Too many adverbs, too many commas, too much in general. I try reeeeally hard to be more subtle and succinct, but it's a constant process of reining myself in.

A fic is also never truly done with me. I'm still tweaking and formatting shit I posted like a decade ago.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I wouldn't do it unless I was confident in my ability to speak that language in that particular context in real life.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Jegulus as the focus (but I'll be trying my hand at that real soon, hoho!) Otherwise, Hannigram.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Oh man there's this stupid little 4k smutty thing I wrote for bandom waaaay back in the day. And I like it mostly because I think I did really well at not being overexplain-y heh

This was really fun! Thanks again for thinking of me! I'll tag: @euripidestrousers, @theresthesnitch, @matildadaism ... I would do more but I don't know who writes and who doesn't lol BASICALLY if you want to do this consider yourself tagged!!!

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s3e6 live episode reaction

okay, holy shit

this episode's gonna have to do a LOT bc last episode was everything good in the world

man, Geoff is so sweet I love him

MR FAROOOUUUKKKKKK MR FAROUK AND HIS LIL FIST BUMPS

not the rugby lads 😭

"I still relapsed two weeks after" oh no

oh no please don't show it

OH THEYRE SJPWING IT DONT FIGHT PLEASE

did he just tell nick to fuck off? oh my god

NOOOOOO

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT TORI AND NICK

9h my god

ohmtmgkd

bro this isn't good

oh my god

"he's seen me at my absolute rock bottom and hasn't run away screaming" AND HE'S NOT GONNA! #FutureHusbands #FutureDads

TEN YEARS IN AND HAVING MARITAL PROVLEMS OH MY GO D

BRO I WAS *KIDDING* WITH THE HASHTAG

geoff is so funny though I love him

OH. OKAY.

"more energy" yeah that's what we're calling it now huh

geoff's knowing look lmfao

bro I love geoff

ELLE IS IG FAMOUS OMG

not a radio interview? oh god

seeing charlie play the drums again has me emo (prob also nick's thought process)

THEYRE SEEING SEXY JACK MADDOX

oh they're kissing

oh they're Kissing™

they're like fr kissing oh my god they're GOING AT IT STOP IT SLUTS

WHAT

"and it's obvious we both want to" okay I am LIVING for this change from the book

WHAT WHAT

WHAT

NO YOU HAVEN'T?

YOU'VE DONE NOTHING

WDYM OVER THE CLOTHES CHARLIE YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING AT THIS POINT

WH A T

it is Incredibly Extremely Hilariously accurate that the one aroace in the group actually wants to hear all the details nskfjsofjdofk most ace people I know are *so* nasty so this tracks so much

TAO I SWEAR

FIERY PASSION STOP ITJFKGJDLGKLDKG

"we've all heard the story" god I know this man called them up the next morning like I'M NO LONGER A VIRGIN

WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN CHARLIE'S SEX LIFE AND NOT MINE SKFISIFUSOFUDIGUDOGUFOGIFOGIFIGIDKG

WE KNOW YOU LOVE SEXY TIME

oh my god they're so annoying

but I gotta pause because I need like

a moment

wdym nick and charlie have "not done nothing" like this is a huge deviation from the books. not an unwelcome one but I've been psyching myself up for this because I love them but they're my babies

so hearing this is so..........

like over the clothes is still sex isn't it

like "IT'S NOT LIKE WE'VE DONE NOTHING" CHARLES?

oh..... I wasn't prepared to see the scars

haha ha haha hah ha

PLEASE DON'T BREAK ANYTHING OR BE SICK ANYWHERE KSJFKDFJDKFJDLFJ

"that sounds like a note for imogen" "HOW DID I GET THIS REPUTATION" oh I don't know baby how did you

okay

nick and imogen vs charlie and sahar......... loving this actually

bro nick and imogen being groupies together tho :(

oh mh god babies

O

OH

MICHAEL

MICHAEL HOLDEN

MICHAEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

oh my god

how is that literally michael im in tears

MEOW - MEOW - MEOW

okay elleargentupdates we get it you love your girlfriend

LETS GO ZAHEANEY

"what I do know is I don't wanna keep hurting you" oh baby girl

"you made me realize something pretty big about myself" "I guess I could say the same about you" oh my darlings :(

also is that immy admitting that she's also into girls bc, love that

"we'd be awful together" NO YOU WOULDN'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

"I like us better as friends" oh babies

NOT BABY IMOGEN AND SAHAR I'M GONNA CRY BABIES

"is it sustainable? I'm trying to do my bit" JSKFJSKFJSKGJDKGK IMOGEN I LOVE YOU

god I love them I still want them to get together

CHARLIE ISAAC AND TAO ALL DRUNK TOGETHER SKFJDKFUDKFJF

NOT CHARLIE ON NICK'S LAP AAAAAAAA

GOOD 4 U I'M DUIGJFKDJGLDKGLD

joe personally texted olivia for the rights to this song I know it

TORI AND MICHAEL AND THEIR DRINKS IM GONNA LITERALLY RIP MY ARMS OFF

[rips clothes off and runs down the street] SPROOOOOLLLLDDDEEEENNNNNN

oh

'business or politics' yea sounds like imogen

oh Tara baby no

TARA NOOOO Bby

oh my god???

CHARLIE?????????

oh my god charlie is so good

bro nick looking at them with that face..... bro's thinking "yeah that's my future baby daddy"

"that was amazing" "I'm so drunk right now" kskfldjfkdjfkdjgld

"don't ever leave me" "wasn't planning on it" oh man they're gonna wreck me next season

charlie seems so cuddly like this :(

"I've been thinking about something" "what" "you and me" OH DONT SAY IT WHILE YOU'RE DRUNK

WE COULD DO THINGS???

NO HES NOT SAYING IT WHILE DRUNK

"WE COULD HAVE SEX" NOT WHILE YOU'RE DRUNK CHARLES

"I think about it all the time" "yeah, so do I" oh you horny little miscreants

"that was a long time ago" fr it's been almost a year like let's be so serious

NOT WHILE YOU'RE DRUNK CHARLES

yeah nick exactly

oh he's trying to use liquid courage :( charlie no

"OH SHIT" lmao honestly

"and then we were in the kitchen and..." CHARLIE'S PANIC FACE LMAO

TORI AND MICHAEL WAKING NICK AND CHARLIE UP

bro all I want from life is nick/charlie/tori/michael like please give them a sitcom I want all 4 of them and nobody else

"I can make egg on toast. you look like you need egg on toast" responsible parent michael holden

NICK AND CHARLIE LOOKING AT TORI LIKE THAT SKFKDKFJFKF

nick gets to tease her too they've bonded for life! favorite in laws ever!

the way nick looks at them kills me, that man has his eye on them the way he had his eye on tao and elle. he's manifesting

"ready to meet the love of your life?" "you're so jealous right now" kskfksofkdof oh nick baby

oh elle baby

oh

oh wait no

BRO WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS BITCH

"well, your speaker last week was transphobic, then" GO OFF ELLE

what the fuck that was so fuckin nasty

oh elle baby

oh my god elle's parents are the best im gonna cry

oh elle baby

NOT THE COPPER JOKE SKFJDLFKDLFKDLGKD

oh my god that was the single most embarrassing scene I've ever watched

what the fuck that was AWFUL IM DHINGKDKFKDKFLDKFDL

Jskdjslfjsldk NICK

yeah I love you Jonny boy but I'm not gonna be watching that scene again

oh

OH OKAY

OKAYYYY LETS KEEP THIS ENERGY GOING

oh charlie no

oh

HANDS ABOVE WAISTS MISTERS

ohhhh

OH FUCK

oh right. charlie's house. open door policy. horrifying.

but thank god bc charlie was making me so nervous

"you know I really fancy you. infinitely more than jack maddox" broooo

I really love the way they included jack maddox in this episode tho like. as a way to bring up unrealistic body standards and all that shit

"I want you" if that man looked at me like that and said that to me i would literally faint

but yeah, please god not at charlie's house lmao

oh the therapy session :( I love geoff so much he's so sweet

"there's free condoms at reception" lmao oh my god

aw the birbs

god what a fun episode. AND I HAVE MICHAEL NOOOOOWWWWWWWW. I love this show *so* deeply*

[crimson-lair]

I just thought of something. Chief and Zoya as "adoptive" parents. Of course, their opposite views , with Chief wanting to maintain order and Zoya being the violent chaos she is, does lead to some conflict. Hey, opposites do attract, so they could be married and adopted a child, or they're coworkers watching over a young Sinner.

The two would keep saying that they don't want to watch the kid, yet are overprotective over them. I can see Zoya encouraging the kid to do something stupid, and won't be upset if they get into a fight at school. As for Chief, she would probably get annoyed at Zoya and the child's antics, and would cast Zoya an annoyed glare.

With the two of them being more on the stoic side and rarely expressing their emotions so openly, it would be pretty heartwarming to see them slowly warm up to the kid.

AWW a not-so-ordinary wholesome family 🥺 (also, ME ME! I'M THEIR CHILD 🙋‍♀️)

Finally some fluffy things, this blog is full of thirsts honestly.. Anyway, I'd like to think Zoya as a fun scary-looking uncle aunt to the young Sinners in MBCC. Well, she knows that she has resting bitch face, that some children would run away from catching a glimpse of her, (or maybe some would staring at her with admiration instead, like Horo). That's why she'd put a grin so that smol Sinners wouldn't think that she's angry or anything, but only for children tho. But as the favorite child amongst all? Be ready for the chaos since she wouldn't hold back to show what she's famous for (let's break all the furnitures available). She's going to teach you many things like Leggett did 🥹. And occasionally bringing you for a ride, which she almost run into a car.. but we don't talk about that now (she's not that good at driving okay)

And Chief, my wife, everyone's wife (look, I'm being fair here). Of course she isn't as stoic as she looked. I know that she's a softie, maybe she doesn't show it much at the beginning but as the story goes by, yes. A mother to her hen although she looked stiff af to be one, proven by her children (Hecate and Hella + OwO😌). She's calm most all the time, but well.. until her Sinners. Like, what do you mean Zoya broke down the ceiling again??? Was she worried? Not really.. maybe yes since Zoya brought you with her. But her MONEY. MBCC IS SO BROKE ALREADY!... Chief is so done with Zoya, she's going to snatch the child away from the big bad guy's influence, more or less.

As their child, who would be afraid of the tiny gremlins in school if you have Zoya at the back, silently staring down menacingly. And obviously, she'd be proud if you won the fight, regardless of injuries and Chief standing, glaring besides her (Bet some mothers wouldn't care about their child either, they'd be staring with their mouth agape. She's hot okay🏃)

Also, I'd probably run to the other Sinners and let the parents have a make up s-- ahem- Chief is miserable already. Give her a break.

Thoughts on Chapter 13 Chief and Zoya?? Hehe 😏 Zoya becoming powerful emo, and hotter mature than before. But there's a little bit more spark of evil playfulness that she isn't afraid to show/do. Guess it's Adela's time to shine! Cutting the stressed-out Chief's hair almost every week. CHIEF IS SO PRETTY WITH LONG HAIR THO

[sorry-apsalar]

Frender Drabbles: Games

Summary: i'd like to see bender acting like a depressed widow, like he always does when fry is even a little bit angry at him. or maybe leela acting as their message transmitter when they're angry at eachother 'n don't want to communicate in person, so she gets fed up and forces them to reconcile.

~

“I don’t even know what they’re fucking fighting about anymore.” And now that she thought about it, Leela wasn’t sure they’d ever bothered to tell her. “They literally live together but when they want to say something to other they text me, telling me to relay the message. It’s driving me crazy.”

Sitting at the bar next to her, Amy patted her on the shoulder. “Have you tried not playing their games?”

“Well… yes but then they don’t talk to each other at all and that’s only gonna make it worse, right?” Leela wanted them to make up, both for their sakes because usually their friendship brought them happiness but also for her own sake because then they could stop bothering her as much.

“Girl, you need to stop being such a people-pleaser. Let them sink or swim on their own for once.”

“I don’t know, that doesn’t feel right but… maybe you’re right.” Playing their games certainly didn’t seem to be helping them reconcile. “Maybe it’s finally time to start putting my foot down.”

As if testing her, her phone pinged. It was Fry. She took a long drink from her rum and coke before opening it. Just to read in case it was actually important.

‘could you tell bender to turn his emo music donw its making it hard ot sleep thks’

It took more effort than it should’ve to close the chat window, turn off the screen, and pocket the phone but Leela did it. They could figure their own shit out for once. She was done with their bullshit. … “Or perhaps maybe, instead of playing their games, I could force them to play my game… metaphorically anyway.”

Amy raised an eyebrow. “Like force them to talk?”

“Yeah. I mean, the ship’s pretty small and Fry’s a good enough polite by now that he probably won’t crash it if it’s just him and Bender aboard.” They’d gone on delivery mission without her before and been fine. Granted those times had been when they’d been on good terms, them fighting might change things.

“Ooh, and if it’s a long enough mission, they’d for sure either kill each other or come back as friends. Either way they’ll finally be out of your hair.”

“Or they might crash because they’re distracted by fighting.” Which would be a good reason not to do it. “Though, the auto-polite just got updated again so it should be even better at preventing crashes so… it’d probably be fine as long the space around them isn’t too populated.”

“So it’s decided then, next delivery mission you’re gonna get seriously suddenly very sick right before boarding, leaving them to go alone and hopefully finally sort their shit out?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

“Cool, if you need a good fake vomit recipe I know several. How good’s your fake retching?”

“Uh… not great.” Leela had never had to fake being sick before.

“That’s okay you can practice when we’re sober. I’ll show you how it’s done.”

“It’s a plan then!” Leela raised her glass to clink against Amy’s before downing the rest of it in one go. They’d come here to have a good time so by golly she was gonna have a good time.