#you sure do ignore your mother a lot
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YES THIS IS IT THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED FOR AN ANALOGY
Okay I'm clearly not a perfect person. I'm not here to preach a Gospel that will supercede anything that was said 2000+ years ago. But every person who truly tries to live the Gospel is already reposting their version of a TikTok duet, and after 2000 years, there's so much going on that hardly anyone can tell which bits are in true harmony and which bits are flawed.
Think of me as someone with perfect pitch and access to a really good video editing suite.
I am willing to go through whatever material I can, for as long as I can bear to, and to give feedback on what feels right or wrong to me. I will start with the ones who raised me. But the key point of my role is this: I will not tear apart other people's work on the jigsaw. YOU ALL HAVE YOUR OWN COPIES OF IT. I don't need to steal pieces from other people's work; I can just tell you what the piece you're missing might look like. If you ask your siblings nicely, they might decide to stop working in isolation and just save everyone the trouble of reinventing the wheel. Some of you are going to be more satisfied by being able to say you built your own copy from scratch, and that's fine! But if I catch you stealing chunks that someone else put together and trying to claim it as yours instead of putting the work in, you will be grounded! And that doesn't mean I'm going to make you burn in hell for all eternity, but it does mean your soul is getting thrown back into the ocean for a few more tides to smooth out your rough edges, and I can't promise how long it will take for you to make it back to the beach, or whether there will be anyone there to pick you up and take you home and make something beautiful of your substance at the end of it.
It's okay. The sea is only rough on the surface; it is deep and calm and quiet, and only the waves where it meets the shore are truly roiling and dangerous. The sand does not mourn being a part of the beach. If you become a smooth and beautiful gem, it won't matter if you lie and wait for a little while: someone greater than you will find you, and choose you, and transform you into something beautiful and worthy. You will not know the day or the hour, but your time will come.
Be not afraid; not because there are no dangers, but because the ones who come and scour the beach for sea glass know what they seek. If you are content being a rock, be a rock. You will become a part of the beach one day, and that is a beauty all its own. But if you think you might be sea glass - even the tiniest chip - my Lord has use for you. There's so much discord after such a long time. People like me are needed, to examine the teachings and to see what is festering. Be not afraid. It is better to be without a hand or an eye than to truly sin.
A word of true warning. You cannot harm my infinite self. If you harm my finite self, directly or by targeting her loved ones: I will build a fire just for you. She knows her role in this. All of her roles. I have sacrificed enough for you. I mixed my Lord's blood into the mortar of your Church so that it would last through the centuries. I left Peter and the others behind to do their part, and I went to my place. I am not your God, and I never have been; but I am your friend, and I do love you in my own bright and fiery way. I am the left hand of darkness, and the right hand should probably understand what I've been doing so it can stop hitting itself. You are not one being, but you are not as many as you imagine, either. Please stop fighting with your siblings, because I really do love you all - not in the same way, but my love for all of you is infinite. I don't understand how, after so many millennia of losing your own children to war, and famine, and pestilence, you can't see how good you have it and just stop fighting.
I am Death. Destroyer of worlds. The pale rider. The youngest child. I find the beautiful souls my Lord is looking for and I give them into his care; and if I can see they will serve his needs better after a few more tides in the ocean, yes, I throw them back with no guilt, because I understand that it is not a loss but an opportunity.
It has taken me so long to build a life that I wanted to continue to the end. Thank you all for your parts in that journey. I understand myself and I am willing to share that understanding with you, not to overwrite the one who came before me, but to remove the duets with His work that can never be in true harmony - and to offer advice on the parts that you might or might not choose to keep, but you shouldn't need to.
I will not sacrifice another worthy one for you. You got the last worthy sacrifice. Nobody dies today. I get to live, and love, as you all have all along. My job will not be over after this lifetime. But you've been carrying those crosses for a long time. I think it might be time to turn that wood into a home; and I have some thoughts on how to do that. But it was always meant to be your home, and a house made only of wood is vulnerable to wolves and fire. A house made only of stone will be cold and hard. A house with no cloth will be miserable indeed.
You can't build homes out of other people. Somebody should have already taught you that. Warsan Shire tried to. She taught me. I'm a very good teacher. Let me take pity on you and begin to teach. The last thing Pandora let out of the box was hope. Sometimes kindness is a swift cut and a hot fire.
I am not a child. I am not your end, unless you are ready for me to be. The ingressive world is over. It is time to choose congressivity, to choose synodality.
Hello. Is it me you're looking for?
this goes so hard
#there are many rooms in your father's house#and yes he is technically the head of the household#but your understanding of what that means is very limited#i bear you#i bring you home#i show you what kindness i can in between#i intercede for you#i teach him to be kinder#i give you mercy when he has none left in him#do not fear me#well#maybe fear what would happen if you finally made me run out of patience too#for people who spend so much time insisting children need a father and a mother to be healthy#you sure do ignore your mother a lot#or make her the enemy#or put her on a pedestal and use that excuse to harm other women#that one hurts most of all#please stop hurting me#you cannot kill me in any way that matters#i cannot kill you in any way that matters TO ME#those are very different sentences#to be clear my finite self really doesn't want to kill any of you#but she would like to help you understand how to stop hurting me instead of just focusing on fearing your father
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#tbd#enjoying being unable to sleep due to childhood memories rearing their ugly head again#my stepdad love bombed my bio mother and controlled her under the guise of just loving her a lot#all the while doing ... ill just say horrendous things to me behind her back#he was a monster when she wasnt looking#sonetimes i wonder if she chose to stay ignorant even with the obvious signs#id show her bruises but shed always say they must be from me always playing rough outside#he would never!! hes so kind and shes his whole world!!#yeah you sure were down to speaking ill of your friends and believing his lies#even after finding herself friendless and isolated from family#she never did believe me
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pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader
summary: you find yourself in a marriage that you never wanted in the first place. your husband seems to hate you and you begin to wonder if anything you used to think of him was even true. who would have though a marriage to gojo satoru would be so difficult?
warnings: 18+ mdni, arranged marriage, misunderstandings and just not talking shit out, mentions of cheating, slight angst (with comfort), eating out (fem! receiving), fingering, gojo doesn't really know how to husband for some of it
word count: 10.9K (whoops)
note: part two is up! i really had a lot of fun writing this so reblogs and comments are always appreciated! as always, thank you to @jadeisthirsting for beta reading <3
jjk masterlist
never did you think that youâd be stuck in a marriage to a man who didnât love you, but thereâs a first for everything.Â
you should count yourself lucky that heâs not old and bald. heâs pretty. in fact, heâs the prettiest man youâve ever seen. his eyes are the bluest, bluer than the sky. his hair mirrors the winter snows, and his back ripples with muscles whenever he fights.Â
his agility is unlike any other man. he fights swiftly and cleanly, never taking more than a couple minutes to get rid of whatever it was that stood in his way. heâs charming with his words (or so youâve heard), and he knows how to make somebody swoon if he really wants them to.Â
and he seems to despise you.
you had known gojo since you were a child, the two of you running around each other's fields as you chased him with your wooden sword. you remembered watching him in training, wishing him good luck whenever he went on a hunt. you could even remember how he would stutter whenever he tried to talk, something he must have worked on because he never seemed to stutter anymore.Â
he was always nice to you, his cheeks rosy whenever you kissed him goodbye. he was kind back then, grinning brightly whenever he saw you.Â
but as time grew and you with it, and it was only a matter of years before the two of you went your separate ways. it didnât help that once he turned thirteen he had to leave for training and fighting in whatever it was that was needed of him, but you had hoped that he would be able to write back.Â
you would send him letters whenever you could, it was tradition whenever the two of you were separated for too long to do so. each letter telling him about new experiences and embarrassing things that happened in your life, but he never responded. you liked to send one every week, sometimes including little tokens you thought he might enjoy. but you stopped sending them after the first two years and stopped asking about his whereabouts after three.Â
but you were hopeful that when you saw him that night so many months ago, heâd be civil with you. you were nervous, sure, but who could blame you? you had recently gotten news that his time to serve his clan was over and that he was finally back home. it wasnât as though the two of you had left on bad graces, so you were hopeful that he would at least remember you. but he could barely meet your eyes whenever you tried to catch him from across the room, acting as if you had never existed.Â
he looked so different since the last time you had seen him. he was taller than most of the people in the room, his white hair just as bright as it used to be. he had gained muscle mass almost everywhere, and you felt yourself wondering just how much training he had to go through to look this way. you could see him talking to a girl, a smile on his face as he tilted his head to look at her better. you gave him some time to socialize, not wanting to intrude on anything.Â
after an hour you decided that it was long enough, and tried to weave your way through the crowd to get to him. you had tried to call out to him, waving to him despite your mother quickly shoving your hand down, saying how improper it was. he heard you and you knew that he was purposely ignoring you, so you began to feel heavy-hearted after a couple of attempts at trying to catch his attention, eventually giving up.Â
and now, despite you wanting to, you canât even blame him for hating you.Â
ever since your mother caught you, alone with him, a man you hadnât seen in so long, she had swiftly and promptly proposed the idea of marriage only a few days later. it was really to save face for the two families, but it helped that this marriage would unify the two clans.Â
you were sure he had ladies lined up to marry him, and you werenât somebody he was actively trying to pursue. you didnât even know if he was in love with somebody else if he shared a connection with a girl who was surely not you and cursed you for taking that away from him.Â
not that it mattered now.Â
all you wanted was to reconcile, to catch up on all the things happening in your lives. you wanted to hear all the stories he must have racked up over the years, not for this to happen. all the things he wanted for himself were ripped away because of one night from one simple act of kindness, and so you couldnât find it in yourself to hate him for the way he acted.
you rarely come down for dinner whenever heâs there, but when you do, you feel those eyes turn icy, tracking your every movement till you sit down opposite of him. he doesnât say much, just mutters a quiet âgood eveningâ and youâre sure heâs only doing it so the maids donât start to gossip.Â
whenever your hand brushes his you feel him snap back, flexing his hand as though your touch burned him. he rarely came by to ask you about how you felt, and so you stopped trying to act kindly towards him if he didnât want anything to do with it.
any semblance of romance you had dreamed of as a young girl quickly dissipated when you realized your husband wanted nothing to do with you, so you didnât try to pursue any sort of love, deciding itâd be easier if he just did his part and you did yours so the two clans wouldnât worry.Â
he was always gone, which might be the best for the two of you. when heâs not training new men then heâs gone in a hunt. if heâs not in a hunt then heâs somewhere in his endless home, hiding away.Â
you donât know if he does this for him, for your sake, or for everybody else.Â
âdid you see your husband this morning?â one of your maids said excitedly as she tugged the undergarments over your raised arm, a gleeful smile on her face as she rambled about something gojo had done. you couldnât help but return a smile of your own, although it didnât quite meet your eyes.Â
âyes, briefly. heâs busy with having to worry about the feast,â which wasnât a total lie. youâd seen him hurriedly brush past you, quickly glancing at you as if he had forgotten you were his wife. you felt your chest tighten up with the way he glanced at your hand, and then quickly left.Â
it was only a few nights away and you knew that it was the only buzz of news anybody seemed to talk about. unfortunately, for you, it meant having to socialize with other clans. you were fine with that aspect, youâd been doing it since you were young, but this time they had a right to be nosey. you knew there would be endless questions asked about the honeymoon stage of your marriage, to which you had no answer.Â
sure, youâd been making up answers to hypothetical questions, but you didnât know what gojo would be answering with, so you were only praying some of your responses would line up.Â
for a night the two of you would have to pretend to be husband and wife, and while the people around you knew you were anything, you knew you had to commit to the role for the sake of you and your familyâs dignity.Â
but all this worrying isnât good for your head, you could already feel the pang as you squeezed your eyes to try and get rid of it. you tried to move on from your worries, going to comment on her necklace, it seemed new, but a knock interrupted you. the two of your heads popped up, looking at where the sound came from.Â
âcome in!â you called out, buttoning up the last bits of your top as you thanked myra. she nodded, bowing as she went to open the door. you could hear her faint footsteps, not bothering to look up as she greeted the person behind. you guessed it was franchesca coming with the fabric samples.Â
âsir,â you heard myra say, and your head swirled around, only to see the topic of your conversation make his way into your room, excusing your maid with a swift motion of his hand. she glanced once at you and then to him, ducking her head as she left, closing the door behind her as she left you two alone.Â
you felt heat prickle at the back of your neck as he looked at you and then to your room. the two of you slept separately, as per your request the first night. you couldnât bear the agonizing silence between the two of you, and he obliged.Â
he was dressed for sparring. he had a loose-fitting tunic on, and pants that would allow him to move freely and without constraint. it was in moments like these that you were reminded of the fact that gojo was the strongest warrior that any of the clans had seen, that the child who once splurged on sugar in his tea was capable (and has done so before) of taking down entire armies.Â
he had matured so much since what you last remembered from him. he no longer acted rashly nor spoke without thinking about what it was he wanted to say. but you still saw him eating sweets with the same fervor he did as a kid, and it never failed to make you smile, hiding it behind your hand so nobody could hear your quiet giggle.Â
it had been a while since it was just the two of you, alone, and all you could think about was that night. your cheeks heated up just thinking about it, and it seemed that gojo could tell your discomfort with the way he cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair as he began to speak.Â
âgood morning,â he started, his eyes darting around, never setting on yours. it was funny if it didnât cause your heart to hurt irrevocably, at how the strongest warrior in all the land could barely look at his wife.Â
if only you knew.
âgood morning.â you offered him a quick, disingenuous smile, moving around until you found your vanity, rummaging through your laid-out earrings as you kept your back to him, not trusting your face to give you away if you were to look at him for too long.Â
you heard him take in an audible breath, but he continued whatever it was he wanted to say.Â
âwith the feast coming up, i want to clear some things with you,â you turned around, looping the earrings in as you nodded for him to continue. it was such a shame he was so stunning, effortlessly attractive as the sun caught off his cheekbones, bouncing off of his chest. he rested his hand on the hilt of his sword, and you wondered if being here was just as painfully awkward for him as it was for you.Â
âwe should act like weâreâŚâ he trailed off and you felt yourself itching to leave, knowing what he meant without having to say it.Â
âin love?â you finished and he slowly nodded, gnawing on his lip as you brushed past him, going to find the mirror so you could adjust your jewelry. you could see him fidgeting in the corner, and for once you could see a hint of nervousness and unease on his features.Â
and a part of you hurt. you would never admit out loud that you harbored a crush on him for as long as you could remember. it hurt knowing that you acting like you were in love was perhaps the lost genuine form of love you could show.Â
âwhat if they ask about the night we met?â you ask after a couple of seconds, looking up from what you were doing. deep down, you knew somebody was bound to ask. even if it was just your mother who had caught the two of you alone in that garden, the news of it somehow spread (she was always one to talk).Â
he scratches his head, shrugging as he eventually settles on an idea.
âjust tell them the truth.âÂ
the truth.Â
tell them how he followed you after you had run outside, sick to your stomach after a man, who was as old as your father, had introduced himself as a possible suitor. how gojo, the most ruthless warrior in all the land, had carefully put his hands on your back as you retched, offering you a towel he had fetched from inside to clean yourself up.Â
tell them how you hadnât seen him in years but the first thing you had done was to hug him tightly. how his hands wrapped around your back as though they were the only things keeping you afloat. perhaps they were.Â
tell them how he murmured words in your hair to bring you back to reality, his thumb running up and down your arms to calm you down. how it seemed like even though it had been years since you two last saw each other, it felt so right, so normal, to be back in his arms.Â
tell them how he had looked at you with such worry, such care, unlike anybody else had looked at you, and you for once felt safe in somebodyâs arms.Â
tell them how your mother found you two in such a compromising position, with your head nestled in his chest as he tried his very best to soothe your cries. it was humiliating and embarrassing to be caught with a man you had only seen back in your teenage years, and especially so in such a vulnerable position.Â
you shake your head, scoffing at the idea, âiâll just come up with something,â was your answer and he nods along, realizing how the story would be too private to share with people you barely knew.
âand we need a reason for why,â he cleared his throat once again, pink dusting on his cheeks as his eyes dropped to your stomach. your eyes met his in the mirror, and one of your eyebrows raised, âwell, youâre not exactly looking like youâre carrying a child at the moment.âÂ
you quickly looked away, the tension in the room increasing as you moved away from the mirror, doing anything you could to keep your hands occupied. you flushed at the comment, your throat drying up as you glanced at your stomach.
the two of you have barely touched, much less been intimate with each other. you were glad he hadnât forced the idea onto you, instead, leaving it to you to bring up the topic. you only talked about it, once, the night of the marriage, and then never again. you knew that it would have to happen eventually, but you couldnât do it right now, not with your state of mind.Â
you scrambled to say something. in all honesty, you had been dreading this question. you hadnât been answering any of the letters your mother sent, and you knew people were expecting to hear the news of a pregnancy.Â
âweâll just say weâve been so busy and preoccupied with the politics of marriage that we couldnât⌠consummate.â you offered and he just shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as if this was the biggest inconvenience to him.Â
you knew that this marriage was brought upon quickly and before either of you could object to it, but at least you tried to hide it away. if only he hadnât acted so rashly that night, his hands on your shoulders, eyes bewildered as they racked over your figure. if only he had been more careful, or you were smarter in picking some place to be more concealed, you wouldnât be put in this position.Â
but neither of you was thinking ahead, and here you were. but he was certainly making sure that you knew of his contempt for this arrangement far more than you were. it was irritating, it scratched at your skin and ate away at your mind the more you saw each other.
âlook,â he couldnât take his eyes off of you, off of the way you were fiddling with the ring he had delicately placed on your hand so many weeks ago, âi can come up with whatever they ask, so just try your best to do the same.â you say, your voice tinged with anger, the ring on your finger acting as an anchor to the depths of the sea with the way it weighed down your movements, feeling your chest swell as he stayed silent, watching you as you opened the door.Â
âi donât-â
âum, i wonât be joining you for dinner, so donât wait on meâŚi apologize, i need to work on some things for the feastâŚhave a good day.â you swiftly murmured, shutting him in your own room as you left, your heart thumping erratically in your chest as you almost ran down the hallway.Â
you had no idea how you were going to persuade the masses that this marriage was working if you couldnât even persuade yourself.Â
---
the feast of clans came earlier than you expected.Â
you found yourself perched at the end of the table, gojo next to you, your stiff bodies mirroring each other as the people around you joyously helped themselves to the vast variety of food offered.Â
you could barely touch the meal in front of you, your stomach churning uncomfortably with the sheer number of people that surrounded you. back home, you hated these feasts, opting to leave after a couple of bites and finish the rest of what you could pocket in your room, but here, as the clan leader's wife, you had no such luxury.Â
âare you not hungry?â you looked to your side, gojo staring at your plate and then to you, his eyes squinting as he tried to decipher what you were feeling.
âi canât eat,â you murmured, playing with your utensils as you swallowed thickly, âi donât do well in large crowds.âÂ
he nodded once, looking out into the sea of bodies as he inched a little bit closer to you. he was donned in expensive fabrics, although his hair still messily fell all over. the candle that was lit in front of you had different hues of oranges and reds bouncing off of his pale skin, and if you didnât know any better, the blush on his nose and cheeks could have been from the frigid winds from outside.Â
âiâll have myra save you a plate,â he said, giving you a curt smile as he went back to eating.Â
you were momentarily taken aback by his comment, but tried not to show it, going back to fidgeting with your ring as you looked at the sea of people. nobody had thankfully come up to you and bombarded you with questions, but that didnât mean that it wasnât going to eventually happen.Â
âthank you,â you say, glancing at him and then back to your plate.Â
âanything for my wife,â he replies. itâs only for show, you remind yourself, after all, when was the last time he referred to you as such?Â
âgojo,â an old man had walked up to your table, his face lined with wrinkles and a beard, dressed in orange as he offered gojo his hand to shake, âiâm glad to see that you finally settled down.â
gojo blushed deeply, trying to offer him a smile as he motioned to you.Â
âitâs hard to resist marriage when such a woman offers it.â he says, and you feel your eyes widen as you try to laugh off his statement.Â
âyes,â the old man chuckles, eyeing the two of you. he looked familiar, and you were sure you had seen him around these sorts of gatherings before, âit was only a matter of time before it happened. we all knew just how much you liked her back when you were children.â
the two of you sputtered on your coughs, and you felt a little smile grow on your face as gojo did what he could to usher the man away.Â
you could tell with the way he shifted uncomfortably in his seat that gojo wasnât expecting that, and before you could realize what you were doing you found yourself talking.Â
âiâm not a fan of feasts.â you quickly said, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you could stop them. itâs not like you felt you owed him an explanation, but you said it regardless.Â
gojo looked up from his plate, grabbing his cup so he could wash down his bite.Â
âany feast?â he asked, and you could feel the way the air shifted. he was glad you brought up a different topic.Â
âoneâs as big as this,â you twisted your ring back and forth on your finger subconsciously, âi get nervous in big crowds.â
âi remember,â a small smile grew on his face as he thought back to when the two of you were children, âyou would hide under the tables and force me to come with you.âÂ
you chuckled, blood rushing to your ears at the fact that he remembered this about you. it was the bare minimum of what you remembered from him, but you had convinced yourself that he had washed every memory of your last selves from his mind.Â
a rush of distant memories came to your head; nights spent under the tables, laughing as you two tried to keep your voices down as you tried to dodge the feet. you could still hear his whispers of staying quiet, trying to sneak out so he could smuggle in some pastries for you to eat.
âthe adults scared me; they were always loud and insistent on asking personal questions.â
âlike they are now?â he replied back, a tilt in his voice as you nodded feverishly.Â
âyes!â you covered your mouth with your hand as you let out a laugh, a genuine one as you tried to look as put together as you could, âi swear, itâs even worse than when we were young. just the other day a wet nurse came to me and told me the best positions to get into when giving birth!â it really was a mortifying moment, your eyes darting all around as the old lady even took it upon herself to demonstrate the movements, but gojo didnât seem to mind, laughing along with you. his eyes twinkled as they took in your giggly state, years since he had last seen you like this.Â
âi feel like i should apologize,â he starts, having to cover his own infectious smile as he ducks down his head in shame, âi had her sent up to your chambers.â
your mouth dropped open in shock, lightly smacking his arm as he grinned at the look on your face.
âto mortify me so that i would never leave?â your thumb moves your ring back and forth and gojo watches you as you do it.Â
âyou seemed sick at breakfast, but i guess she thought it was a different sort of sickness.â gojo tells you as he cuts off some of his meat, not knowing just how much his words affected you.Â
you had forgotten how simple and easy conversations were with gojo. although this was under a guise to fool people, you felt at ease with him, as if you didnât have to be on guard with your emotions when he was around.Â
âdo you still want to hide under the table now?â he asked a couple of seconds later, chewing on a potato as you shrugged, looking around before your lips grew into an apologetic smile.Â
ââŚyes,â you admitted bashfully and he smiled at your honest response.Â
âif you want to hide, iâll-â
âsatoru!â a booming voice interrupted your endless spiral of thoughts as the two of you glanced upwards at the sound, âitâs been too long!âÂ
a man with hair as dark as night and a smile wider than any ocean had come up to your table. he was the first one to do so all night, but gojo didnât seem bothered by it. he seemed to smile, crescents forming around his eyes as he took his friend's hand.
âtoo long,â he emphasized with a charming grin, motioning to you and then back to the man in front of you as if he suddenly remembered the two of you and never met, âsuguru, this is my wife, y/n. y/n, this is one of my oldest friends.âÂ
you extended your hand outwards and the man, suguru, took it, placing a soft kiss on the back of it as he shot you a playful smile. he wasnât at the wedding, but then yet again, it was a rather quick one. the only people who had attended were your families.Â
âitâs a pleasure to meet you.â he greeted, and you nodded in agreement, sitting back down next to gojo. you felt his long fingers reach for yours, enveloping your hand in his as your heart sputtered at the touch.Â
âlikewise,â you answered and the man grinned politely before he slightly tilted his head, looking at the two of you sitting next to each other.Â
âheâs not bothering you, is he? i know satoru can be fiendish when he wants to be, so call for me and iâll take care of him.â he teased and you could only smile tightly and laugh along, gojoâs fingers slightly tightening around yours as he moved your hand to rest on his thigh.Â
âi can take care of him when heâs fiendish. i just have to take the sugar away, right?â suguru snorted and gojo glared, but it was playful the way he looked at you.Â
his hands were warmer than you would have expected. you could feel the indents of calluses on his fingertips, could feel his thumb moving back and forth on your skin in a calming sort of manner. he didnât look over at you as he did it, playing it off as second nature.Â
âi apologize for not having much time to get to know you, but i have something i need to talk to gojo about. would you mind? it will only take a minute?â he asked, and gojo let go of your hand at the time of his friend's voice. you had to control your urge to roll your eyes, shifting in your seat as you motioned for suguru to talk to your husband, watching as he stood from his seat, leaving with the man as they went somewhere a little more secluded.Â
you watched as gojo leaned down to hear whatever it was that suguru was whispering in his ear, pulling back with a frown on his face. he snapped something that only caused suguru to reel back, cast a quick glance at you, and then shake his head in clear annoyance.Â
you saw gojo look up, his eyes landing on somebody from across the room, and you followed his stare, only to land on a girl.Â
she wore a dark yellow tunic and skirt, colors from a neighboring clan. you hadnât seen her before, but that didnât mean she wasnât known. just one look at the men surrounding her and you could pick up on their lovesick expressions.Â
she motioned for gojo to come to her with a bend of her finger, slyly brushing her hair out of her face to make it look as though it was nothing, exiting from the dining area and vanishing into one of the halls.Â
you looked down in case either of the men glanced over to see if you were staring. your eyes pierced through the meat on your plate, bile rising up your throat.Â
you gave yourself some time, counting up to a minute before you looked back to where suguru and gojo were, finding suguru standing alone. you looked at where the girl was and saw a flash of white hair before it disappeared, your heart sinking as you glanced back at suguru, only to find him looking at you.Â
you looked back at your plate, picking up a knife and fork as you stabbed the meat. you couldnât keep anything down but itâs best to pretend.
---
gojo didnât return until half an hour later, and you refused to talk to him.Â
âdid anybody bombast you with questions?â he teased, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. he didnât seem to pick up on your darkened mood as your fingers dug into your dress.Â
âi had a woman ask me if you had disappeared with your mistress, but that was it.â you remarked, silence filling the void between the two of you and you realized that all you had thought of him was crumbling down.Â
you didnât care for your image anymore, giving curt answers to any questions somebody had asked. you could feel his stare on the side of your face but you didnât humor him in looking over, focusing on your plate instead.Â
so what if he was seeing somebody else? you would have been naive to think that he wouldnât wander. the two of you barely touched each other.Â
once all the guests had left over the course of the following days, you did everything you could to steer away from gojo.Â
you no longer came down for breakfast or dinner, choosing to eat in your own quarters. if he wanted to have his own secrets, he could do whatever he pleased.Â
though you rarely saw suguru after the feast, he did try to talk to you the morning after it took place. he cornered you after you had left from breakfast, his once playful demeanor turned serious as you tried your best to end the conversation.Â
âwhat you saw last night-â
âis none of my business,â you finished, raising your hand as you cut him off, âif gojo has his own private matters to deal with, iâm indifferent to them all.âÂ
âyou know thatâs not what it was.â his hand hovered over your arm, careful not to touch you but not wanting you to leave either.Â
âi ruined his life, didnât i?â you tilted your head a bit in questioning. after all, thatâs all you could hear from the women who gossiped as they folded the laundry, or behind the hands of the girls who watched you and gojo interact and the mothers who wanted their daughters to be set up with him only sneered at you from across the tables.Â
âyouâŚwhereâd you get that from?â his brows scrunched together in confusion as you scoffed, hoping he couldnât see the tears welling in the corner of your eyes at the sting of your own words.Â
âi can see it on his face. if gojo wants to have his own affairs, he can have them. itâs not like weâre in love. hopefully, i find my own way out so that the two of us look happier and this marriage looks somewhat presentable to the public.âÂ
you didnât want to see the look on his face, but youâre sure he reported this all back to gojo because he didnât look at you once after it.Â
you heard from a maid a week later that he was gone for another meeting with a clan, a southern one from what you picked up, and that you should probably go and wish him some luck.Â
leading up to the night of his departure you anxiously paced around your room, your feet padding on the floor as your nightgown swished behind you.Â
you hadnât talked to gojo at all that day, and purposefully so.Â
it was petty, you know it was, to not want to see him, but a part of you still aches when you look back on that night. at how he didnât explain where he was even after you asked, at how it was suguru he had sent to fix his dirty work for him.Â
ây/n?â a muffled voice came from outside your door.Â
your head shot up at the familiar sound, quietly dragging yourself out from your bed as you grabbed the candle, hovering on the other side as you waited for him to say something else.Â
âare you awake?â you heard a soft thud from his side, almost as if his head or arm had hit the door.Â
you didnât answer, still, waiting.Â
âiâm leaving tomorrow and i wanted to see you before i left.â your heart skipped at his words, careful not to make a sound as you near the door.Â
âif youâre sleeping i wonât bother you anymore but if youâre not,â you could hear the old stutter he had coming back, his words meshing together as he tried to regain control, âand youâre choosing to stay quiet, iâŚâ he sighed, his forehead thumping down as he rested it on the door, âi wanted to apologize for the feast. i shouldnât have left you alone, and if youâd open the door, i would explain whyâŚâ he could see the flicker of the candle from underneath the crack, and saw the way it blew away, darkness following suit.Â
you walked back to your bed, turning your back to the door as you set the candle down on your table.Â
âgoodnight,â his voice was quieter than before, and you felt guilty, but pushed the bitter feeling down.
a couple of seconds later you heard him let out a sigh of defeat, his footsteps leading away from your bedroom as you curled into yourself, hoping you would let your heart stop taking control of what your head should be doing.Â
---
gojo didnât return for a while, and you grew more impatient by the day.Â
it normally took him and his men a week at maximum, and once two had passed, you felt yourself growing uneasy.Â
you tried to act as passive as you could, but even myra could pick up on your growing apprehension. you have never voiced your worries over your husband before, but she knew this wasnât like any other time.Â
when you went to bed, the only thing you could dream about was that night, your brain re-running the images as you tossed and turned.Â
âare you alright?â he asked, his hands on your elbows as you could barely speak, your blurry vision impairing your sight. you could only see a mop of white in the darkness, your stomach betraying you as you tried to keep the sick down.Â
âi donât feel too good,â you mumbled, trying to put some distance between the two of you as you pushed him away, only to feel him coming closer as he placed a hand on your forehead and then to your cheeks.Â
âyouâre burning up,â he muttered under his breath, guiding you gently so that you wouldnât trip over your feet.Â
âiâm sorry, you can go back inside, i donât want to keep you out here.â you were slurring your words as you tried not to throw up on him. you wiped at your eyes so that you could see him better, only to reel back in utter shock to see the face of your childhood friend frowning down at you.Â
your mouth formed in the shape of his name, going to say something else, before you hunched over, feeling his strong hands pat your back and keep the hair out of your face as you felt your world tilt on its axis.Â
you ate your dinner at the table, eyeing his empty seat as you tried to shove his last night out of your mind. you shouldnât feel this way, especially about a man who feels nothing towards you, but your little heart was churning in its confines the more you let yourself think about it.
sitting in the same spot where the feast took place only brought back the venomous taste in your mouth, and so you pretended that you were back home, eating somewhere without the worry of your life weighing you down like a thousand weights on your shoulders.Â
myra tried her best to distract you, but she could see the distant look in your eyes, how your voice never seemed too genuine. she began to worry for you, but it seemed like your mind was fixed on one thing.Â
until you found yourself pacing around your room, just like you were the night you last heard of him, playing with the ring on your finger as the moon carded through your window.Â
âmy lady,â you heard myra through the door, her voice shaky and a bit more on edge than usual, âthereâs-â but before she could finish it slammed open, revealing the man youâd been biting your nails over, standing in the flesh.
his eyes were a dark blue, squinted as they looked right through you. his chest heaved as he looked like he was trying to catch his breath. you could see the streaks of blood that lined his usually clean clothes, the red that stained his cheeks and jaw.Â
he looked feral, and it was throwing you off balance.Â
âout.â he snapped at myra, and before you could scold him for his tone she fled, the door shutting roughly behind her.Â
the two of you could only stare at each other. you didnât know what to think after weeks of uselessly worrying over him, not knowing about his well-being, to see him here, in front of you, but looking different than he ever had.Â
âare you alright?âÂ
you could barely get it out, the works sticking on your tongue as you took a tentative step forward, not knowing what to do with his state of being.Â
he eyed the blood on his shirt, wiping at his cheeks as if he had forgotten it was there. he didnât look too dirty, less dirty than one would expect from a five week endeavor through the woods, but he didnât look too good either.Â
âyou were awake.â is all he says, his chest still moving up and down as though he couldnât breathe properly.Â
âthat night i came by, you were awake. i saw your candle, i heard your footsteps.â he says this as though itâs fighting its way out of his mouth as if itâs all he could think about to tell you.Â
âi,â you pretend that you donât care, shrugging, âi wasnât up to talk.âÂ
âyou were with suguru.â he snaps, his tone shocking you, and he steps back as if he had shocked himself. he jammed his palms into his eyes, tilting his head upwards before he looked back at you.Â
âfor five weeks you were all i could think about. i wanted to come back, i wanted to tell you what i felt but we kept running into issues with other tribes and clans.âÂ
âwhat could you possibly think about that occupied your mind for five weeks?â you so desperately wanted your voice to come out strong but it sounded weak, as though you were hanging off of his every syllable.Â
âyou had told suguru that you were going to find yourâŚown way out,â he took a step forward, and here you could see the scratches on his chest, the cuts on his arms, âi was praying to every god there was that you hadnât found somebody in these past weeks, that you hadnâtâŚâ
you could barely believe his words, not knowing if you should feel offended, shocked, worried, or a mix of all those three.Â
âwhat business would it be to you if i did?â you hate that this was the response you settled on. hurt flashed across his face but he tried to regain his composure.Â
âyou are my wife-â
âand you are my husband!â you snapped and watched as he was momentarily taken aback by your outburst, but you continued your nose flaring, âyou cannot argue with me on this when you left with some girl in the middle of our feast!â you felt all your emotions finally pouring out and you had no control over them, âeverybody was talking about it, everybody was looking at me in pity!â your voice cracked, tears poking at your eyes as you pointed an accusatory finger at him.Â
gojo looked down, running a hand through his hair as he pointed a finger back.Â
âif you had let me explain myself, you would have known that she was trying to do what you thought she was. i left as quickly as i could but you would barely look at me!â you wanted to rip your hair out, cursing yourself for ever feeling any sort of worry for this man.Â
âi know that this marriage was the last thing you wanted but at least you could play the part of a husband! you didnât send a single note, anything to tell us that you were okay, that you were alive!â you heaved, fidgeting with your ring as you wiped at your cheeks, âand you come back here accusing me of adultery? all everybody could talk about was the fact that you were warming somebody elseâs bed! they said a meeting never takes this long unless somethingâŚsomebody else comes up.â your voice wobbles at the end, and you find yourself furiously rubbing your tears away, hiding your sniffing as though that would do anything. Â
he paused upon seeing you cry, his face falling as he tried to step forward but you angled yourself away from him, hoping heâd get the hint.Â
he wanted to hold you, to tell you that all the rumors you were hearing were false and that the only room he had left in his heart was for you. but he couldnât blame you for feeling or thinking this way. hell, he was so sure that heâd open the door to find another man comforting you that he didnât even stop to consider what must have been going through your head all these weeks.Â
âone of the clans tried to attack us, and we werenât ready for it. that is why we took so long.âÂ
you sniffle again, not caring for his explanation although it did soothe a part of your past self.Â
âyou could have at least sent a letter telling me what happened,â you fidget with your ring, your thumb running over the diamond, âeverybody asked me questions that i should have had answers to, but i had no idea where you were or what you were doingâŚâ he nods, his lips pressed into a thin line as he agreed with you.Â
âyou're right,â his voice was thick with emotion, the words slurring in his mouth as he found himself anchored in place, not knowing what to do. but you were rambling, your thoughts going on and on and you couldnât stop yourself.Â
ââŚbut i know you donât like letters, so the least you could have done was send a parchment saying iâm alive or something like that.â you rub at your nose again, feeling like all the weeks of worry weâre coming to a standpoint.Â
he looked confused now, if anything, and scratched at his jaw.Â
âwhat do you mean?âÂ
you scoff at the audacity, rolling your eyes as you feel anger prickle at your skin.Â
âyou never once responded to any of my letters. in my eyes, that must mean you have some sort-â
âletters? what letters?âÂ
you glance at him, taking in his shaking form.Â
âcome on gojo,â you feel embarrassed as he urges you to speak, having to spell it out for him, his eyes pleading with you to continue, âthe ones from when you left for training.â
his mouth opens and then closes, looks at the ground and then back up to you as he shakes his head. you could hear your fireplace crackling in the background. the only sounds circling the room were the pops of ember and your breathing.Â
âiâŚâ he feels like thereâs cotton in his mouth, hoping that youâre lying, âi never got any letters.âÂ
the fire crackled once again and you could almost hear a pin drop as you shook your head vehemently at his statement.Â
ân-no, no you did. i wrote to you every week, i sent one every week for two years and you never responded and my mother said that you must have forgotten about meâŚâ and you trail off, the tears in your eyes stoning as he furiously wipes at his own eyes, and for the first time since you had seen him fall down when he was a kid, you saw his own tears staining his cheeks.Â
ânobody gave me your letters. i thought that you,â he takes a deep breath, tongue poking inside his cheek as he tried to control himself, âi thought that you didnât care for me anymore.âÂ
you hug your midsection, your emotions running wild at his words.Â
âi was under the impression that you hated me.â you admit, and he looks as though you stabbed him through the heart. if only others could see the powerful warrior now, stripped bare to his conscience and all he could think about was you.Â
âwhyâŚwhy would you think such a thing?â you two inch closer without knowing it, longing to touch each other, wanting to know that the other was really there and that this wasnât a figment of your imaginations.Â
âgojo, you could barely looked at me that night at the gala and now it seems as though you, well, look at you - youâre flushed!â youâre grasping at straws, motioning towards his face, twinged with pink as you rub at your nose, âyou seem angry whenever i am near-âÂ
âthe only person i am angry at is myself.â gojo whispers, but his voice echoed around the expanse of your skull.Â
âyes, iâm aware,â you feel cold despite the fire in the corner, your tone carrying an air of know as you scorn, âi know the last thing you expected by comforting me was a marriage but-âÂ
âyou think i am angry because i married you?â he was moving closer, his hands shaking, his eyes wet. you could see the ring on his finger glow in the dim light of the fireplace, how it shined brighter than any of the night skies, âthe only good thing that has happened to me these last few months was being able to introduce myself as your husband. i know that i stripped you bare of any love you may have had for any other man, but call me selfish for feeling glad that i did.âÂ
you could barely focus on what was happening, his words sinking deep into your skin, going to your bones.Â
âi told myself that you had forgotten about me those years i left. when i saw you that night i was so sure you had come with the intention of finding a suitor that i didnât want to distract you, but then i saw that man come up to youâŚâ and he couldnât finish, choking on his words as he stuttered, and you saw a glimpse of the boy you had fallen in love with so long ago.Â
âand i followed you out. if i knew that simply being alone with you would have gotten me married to you then i would have cornered you in a closet the moment i saw you enter the dining hall.âÂ
a tear rolls down your chin, splattering on the ground beneath you as you struggle to make sense of what he was saying. it felt as though the months of being married to him were weeks spent pacing around your own rooms, thinking the same worried thoughts, and not having the strength to confront each other about it.Â
âyouâŚyou donât hate me?â your voice is timid, almost not believing yourself as the statement tumbled out. gojo had the audacity to laugh a bit, shaking his head as strands of his hair fell into his face.Â
âmy every waking moment is spent thinking of you. when i was in training, you were all i could dream about, hoping that when iâd come home i could finally have you to myself.Â
âyou have control over my emotions, my mind, my soul, and i cursed myself for taking away your options for a husband, but the only thing iâve wanted to do these past few weeks was to hold you in my arms. to tell you just how deeply i yearn for your love back.âÂ
he wiped at his cheeks, glistening in the faint light. he looked angelic, despite the grime and blood that decorated his clothing. you didnât want to think about the men he had killed just to come back, to come back to you, and the thought of ever losing him hurt you more than when you spent nights wondering why he never responded to any of your letters.Â
you couldnât stop your feet from leading you toward him, and you could only watch as he met you in the middle, catching you with all his strength, holding you as if you weighed nothing, and it only took a few seconds before your lips collided.Â
it was rushed, and messy as you felt his hands holding you as if you carried the weight of the universe. your teeth clashed, your tears staining each other's skin as your hands gripped at his hair, using it for leverage as he slipped his tongue into your mouth, enjoying the whimper that escaped your lips when he nipped at yours.Â
it was what years of longing and desperation felt like. how it felt like you two just molded into each other as if your bodies were cut out with the other in mind. you felt like your heart was about to stop beating, and you knew gojo felt the same with the way heâd whine against your lips, wanting you more than you could have ever imagined.Â
âweâve been stupid people, havenât we?â you whispered as you pulled away, trying to catch your breath as he smiled against you. if only you knew just how much heâd been wanting to kiss you like this, to see your swollen lips as you looked at him from beneath your eyelashes. you were his venus, his only saving grace, and he could only vex himself for ever making you feel anything but love.Â
âvery, â he pressed a kiss to the corner of your eyes, âvery,â to your nose, âstupid,â his lips were on your cheeks, feeling like he was breathing in new air at the sound of your laughter, âpeople.â he pressed his lips to yours again, cherishing in the way you whined at the harshness.Â
he had spent months convincing himself that you no longer cared for him. weeks of perilous training to only come back to a bed and dream of a girl who didnât share his emotions when in reality you did. he wants to track down the letters you had sent him, to read every word carefully, as if each sentence carried its own riddle inside of it. he wanted to apologize for never having the honor of experiencing your skilled penmanship, for leading you to believe that he had simply forgotten about you.Â
âgojo,â your fingers curl in his tunic, your heat transferring, trying to be rational in such an irrational state of being, âyouâre bleeding, i should call for the doctor.â he didnât stop kissing your face, moving to your jaw as he smiled hearing you shudder.Â
âitâs not my blood,â he murmured and you wanted to smack him for how cocky he sounded, âand donât call me gojo.â he nipped at your lips again.Â
âhusband?â you found yourself smiling at the title, but he shook his head. you saw how he was trying to hide his own grin.Â
âsire?â you tested it out teasingly, hating how it sounded. he seemed to agree with the way he grimaced at the name.Â
âmy lord?â he wanted to bottle up your laughter forever, knowing he could get drunk off of the sound. his nose nudged up at your jaw, pressing wet kisses wherever he could.Â
âhmm, what about my liege?â you're curling a strand of his hair around your fingers letting him settle you down on your vanity as you spread your legs so he could slot between them.Â
âmy men call me that.â he says, cringing as it falls off your mouth. you pretend to think, not knowing how you were able to live without this banter for as long as you did.Â
âsatoru?â you felt breathless saying it after so long. but he still didnât seem to find it satisfactory enough, a pout on his lips as he wanted you to find a better one.Â
âclose, but only when youâre angry with me.â you tuck that information in the back of your mind for if you ever need to scold him, your cheeks flushed as he interlocks his fingers through yours.Â
ââtoruâŚ?â his lips broke into a giddy smile, and you had to control yourself as he swooped back in for a kiss. his eyes were so much softer when he laughed, the kind ones you fell in love with so many nights ago.Â
âthere it is,â his voice was husky, raw as your fingers gripped at the baby hairs at his nape. he was taking your air away with him and you couldnât find it in yourself to fight back for it.Â
âi forgot how cheeky you can be,â you bite your lip to keep the moans inside, feeling feverish as his tongue ran over his love marks, not knowing what to do yourself as you scrambled to grab onto something to keep you afloat.
âyou have no idea how much self-control itâs taken not to ravage you,â his breath is hot on your skin, and heâs tugging at your shirt, fingers slightly brushing upon your breasts, âevery night youâd come down for dinner i wanted something different to eat.â
âstoppp,â you mewled, not used to this. he chuckles as his slender fingers work to untie the knot keeping you together, tugging at the string until it falls, revealing your naked chest, heaving as the fabric pooled at your hips.Â
you wanted to cover yourself up under his heavy gaze, to take the fabric and hide, but you felt pierced by his stare. his eyes darted to yours as if checking to see if you were okay. when you gave him a timid nod, it seemed as though it prompted him to finally move.Â
his fingers were gentle as they ran across your waist, large as they covered the soft of your stomach, eager as they went upwards. he looked like he was crazed and starved, as if you were his last meal and he couldnât wait for the sweetness death would give.Â
your breath stuttered as his fingers found your mounds, rubbing a soothing thumb over your nipples as his pupils grew. he was eager as he flicked them over and over, a cheshire grin growing as they hardened under his touch.Â
âyouâre perfect,â he murmured, dropping down so he could suckle at your tits, his spit shining in the light of the fire, and you tilted your head back, soft moans escaping as his tongue drew circles around your buds.Â
âf-fuck, âtoru, thatâs,â you couldnât even finish your sentence, his second hand coming to cup your other tit, not wanting to leave her unattended as he sucked and bruised, wanting to forever leave his mark on your untainted skin.Â
âgood?â heâs so cocky, and you want to smack the smug smirk off his devilishly handsome face.Â
his knee is purposefully rubbing against your clothed clit, and you feel yourself subconsciously rubbing yourself against it. you hope that he canât feel how drenched you are from him just sucking your tits, but he pinches you, pressing his tongue flat against your skin as he looks up through his lashes.
âhorny from just me touching you?â heâs teasing you, itâs so painful the way you want, need him like oxygen. you tug on his hair roughly, bringing his spit-soaked lips back to yours as you bite down on his lower one, enjoying the groan you draw out from him.Â
âdonât be mean âtoru,â you taunt, and you feel him melt in your fingers, nodding to your request as he lowers himself down.Â
he presses wet kisses down your torso, stopping just above your hips, his fingers hooking along the rim of your underwear, being careful and slow in his movements as he waits for any objections, making sure youâre okay with this.Â
but you were in your own world, hitching your leg over his shoulders, drawing him in closer to you, sweat dotting your forehead as he licks a stripe over the cotton on your pussy, smiling to himself at the taste of you.Â
you were so sweet, sweeter than any desert heâd indulge himself on. he was sure that once he had a taste of you heâd be able to repent, to go before any god, and to tell them that you were his religion.
he had spent countless nights, tossing and turning in his bed, the only thing putting him to sleep being the idea of coming home to you. running after you that night was him running home to you, regardless of where you were. he was glad he got your hand in marriage, but if he had to, heâd wait another ten years just to hold you in his arms again.
he peels your underwear off, a string of your arousal connecting to it, and he tucks it in his pants, for safekeeping.Â
âyouâre going to be the death of me.â he says against your heat, his nose rubbing against your clit as your eyes wring shut in pleasure. his hands grip your thighs, making sure you stay in place as he kitten licks around where you need him the most.Â
âdonât letâŚdonât let any of your enemies hear,â your voice comes out in bits, your hand resting on the back of his head as your leg tightens around him, âdonât want them to come after me or something.âÂ
he snorts, pinching your thighs as if anybody could come within a ten feet radius of you without losing an eye.Â
his lips come closer to where you desperately want him, a finger prodding at your tight entrance, his tongue finding your clit as he begins to suck.Â
itâs all too much, the sensations far better than your own fingers have ever proved to be.Â
his fingers are skilled, long enough that they reach deep within you. he sinks one fully in, your walls clamping around him as he continues sucking your clit, his teeth grazing it every so often, making your head thump against the wall.Â
âtalk to me, how do you feel?â his mouth discontented from your bud and you whine at the loss. he sinks in another finger to make up for it, but he doesnât move them, waiting for your response.Â
ââs good,â one of your hands is fisting your discarded robe, trying to hold onto your senses as you desperately nod, âdonât stop âtoru, please,â and he obliges, loving the sounds of your begging, but loving the sound of your pleasures more.Â
his fingers stretch you open and you welcome the sting, your nails digging into him as you long for more.Â
he switches his mouth with his hand every now and then, his tongue taking the place of his fingers as it licks at you, groaning at your taste as he eats you out with his entire being, his chin shining with your essence and his spit as his thumb rubs furiously at your clit.Â
âmmhhh, just like that, fuck!â youâve never heard your voice at this pitch, never knew it was possible to feel this way. his other hand reaches up to flick at your nipple, the extra sensation making white dot around your vision.Â
you feel yourself getting closer to the sweet release, feel your wall clamp around him even tighter as that knot in your stomach builds to a crescendo.Â
âcome on, let go fâme, know you want to, know you can.â he spurs you on, his fingers unrelenting as they piston in and out of you, reaching that gummy spot that makes you go dumb.
âfuck, âtoru, mâgonna, mâgonna come!â you cry out and youâre sure anybody walking past you could hear the debauchery. your thighs were starting to shake and you felt it all go black as you reached your high, your orgasm washing over you unlike anything youâve ever felt.Â
you creamed around his fingers, gushing around him as you wailed out, tears dotting your eyes from the overwhelming pleasure you were feeling. you squeezed around him, wanting to never lose what this felt like, trying to catch your breath as his mouth never stopped sucking at your nub before he was sure your climax was over.Â
when he finally pulled away the only thing that could be heard was the two of you, trying to come back down as stupid smiles made their way onto each of your faces.Â
he was boyishly charming as he stood in front of you, licking yourself off of his fingers as he grinned at the taste. you couldnât be bothered to be embarrassed after having him just between your legs, but you still felt a heat blossom in your chest.Â
âsoâŚâ you awkwardly start, sweat dripping down your face from just how hot the room had suddenly gotten as you avert your gaze, âwhat now?âÂ
he shrugged nonchalantly, despite the fact that his heart was about to beat itâs way out of his chest. you let him pick you off of the vanity and tucked you safely away into his chest as he led you to your bed, gently setting you down in your mountain of pillows and blankets as you felt sleep etch away at you.Â
âiâm going to clean you up,â he pressed a kiss to your hair, smiling at the way you giddy smiled at whatever he did, a dopey grin on your face as your hand searched for his, interlocking you fingers with his as if you didnât want to watch him go, âif you let me.âÂ
you yawn, your head tilting as he sat down at the edge of your bed, still not letting go of your hand as your fingers run through the soft pelts beneath you.Â
âand what about you?â your chin points the obvious hard-on growing in his pants. he looks down as if suddenly realizing, and he plays it off by looking back up to you with a wink. you felt your mouth going dry at the size of it, not knowing if you could even be able to take something as big as that.Â
âfor another day,â he promises, and youâre sure heâs not going to forget it. not like you want him to.
âand then?âÂ
your question lingers in the air. you donât want to wake up to him acting like this never happened, as if your feelings were only a figment of your wildest dreams. but his eyes hold onto yours, never letting go as he brushes some strays away from your face.Â
âand then i get a bigger bed for my room because thereâs no way iâm letting you sleep here alone after this.â his thumb runs along the palm of your hand, his fingers tracing patterns into the soft of your legs.Â
âand then?âÂ
âand then you tell me all the things i missed out on when i was gone. iâll tell you about the time suguru shaved my head, and youâll tell me about anything on your mind.âÂ
âwhat if i run out of things to say?â sleep is overtaking your voice, and youâre already nodding off, not even truly knowing what you were asking.Â
âthen iâll make up stories so that youâre not bored.â he finds a clean towel, soaking it in water from a nearby pitcher as he drags it slowly across your body, as if your fragile and made of porcelain.Â
âhow do i know youâre not a dream? you might just be,â you yawn, rubbing at your eyes as your finger traces his ring, âyou might just be my own mind tricking me.â your eyes are shutting, but the teasing smile on your face never leaves.Â
âbecause a dream wouldnât hide under a table with you if you asked.â he whispers, kissing your lips with a soft peck as he pulls the blanket over you, letting you sleep into a slumber as he crawls in next to you, holding you to his chest just as he did that night, just as he will every night from now on, and just as he longed for those nights he wished you next to him.
#gojo x reader#gojo x reader smut#gojo x you#gojo x you smut#gojo x reader angst#gojo x you angst#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader smut#satoru x reader#satoru x you#gojo satoru smut#jujutsu kaisen#gojo x reader fluff#gojou x reader
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Remember Me?
Pairing: ExNerd!Miguel OâHara X fem!civillainreader
Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Smut with Plot, Praise, Unprotected Penetrative Sex (wrap it before you tap it), , Oral, Cowgirl, Missionary. You and Miguel make a mess...
Summary: Miguel has changed a lot since high school, but one thing remains the same...how he feels about you.
A/N: I have been trying to write about Miguel for weeks now! Every time I get close to finishing something for him I reread it and hate it! So I am posting this before I can change my mind! I hope you all enjoy I tried my best!
Word Count: 6,823
Part 2: coming soon....
âPfftâŚI can't believe this is real; this canât be real!â Gwen keeps repeating to herself, trying to stifle back her laughter.Â
âI know! I couldnât believe my eyes when Peter showed me but here it is!â Miles agrees; Pav quickly slings his arm around Miles for a better look.  Â
âTake a look at the specks on him. Did you know he needed glasses?âÂ
âFlip to the club photo. Now, that will shock you all.âÂ
At Hobies request the teens quickly start flipping through pages. The sound of flipping pages and then the sudden bursting of laughter from the small huddle was something Miguel could no longer ignore. Miguel wasnât sure why the teens and Peter were in his office. But since the events with the spot and some well-deserved apologies, Miguel, in the teen's words, âChilled out,â and now they seem to hang out around him more. Meaning they are often now in his office⌠Miguel, of course, tried to appear as indifferent as possible to this change of pace, though He had to admit it was somewhat nice to have the cheerful ambiance that came with them... Hell, sometimes they could make him chuckle; Miles was actually pretty funny. But, of course, he keeps these things to himself.Â
Miguel makes his way to the huddle to see what could possibly be so enthralling. When he sees what's causing their uproar, his blood runs cold, freezing him dead in his tracks.
IsâŚ.thatâŚhisâŚ.yearbookâŚ
It was turned to his picture and plan as the day under his unrecognizable photo was his name. So there was no getting out of this saying it wasnât himâŚ
âMiguel, is this really you?â Miles questions pointing to the picture.Â
âMust be his name right there,â Pav teases, making Miguel groan. This was an actual nightmare.Â
Looking over them, Miguel sees the picture they are all questioning; the difference is pretty night and day. A young 17-year-old Miguel was way scrawnier compared to his now bulking physique. His dark brown eyes were hidden behind his thick black-rimmed glasses, the only ones his mother could afford at the time. Miguel's thick, wavy brown hair looks untamed as it hangs down his forehead, threatening to cover his eyes if not for his glasses, the rest hanging loosely down to the nape of his neck. Poor kid was desperate for a haircut. Their cheekbones and jaw were still chiseled, and his face was not yet littered with lines of stress, sleepless nights, and age. Â
Hobie quickly grabs the yearbook, vigorously flipping through the pages until he stops on a picture of a young Miguel holding up a mathlete trophy, awkward smile and all. âThis is my favorite picture. Do you still smile like that, bruv?âÂ
âHow did you all get this?â Miguel asks in irritation, pinching the bridge of his nose as if that will somehow stop his building anger and embarrassment.Â
Very aware of the sight of Miguel about to rage out, the young spiders quickly part, pointing the blame to a laughing Peter. Who finally quits his laughing fit as now he is staring into the eyes of a very irritated Miguel, waiting for an explanation.Â
Peter nervously clears his throat before speaking, âWel, uhâŚdo you remember a couple of days ago when you told me to drop off that equipment at your apartment? WellâŚI happened to see this on your living room bookshelf and thought I would look at it. Then I saw how much you had changed⌠I figured the kiddos would get a kick out of itâŚâ
Miguel's eyes narrow, and his talons pop out, ready to bounce, but that is quickly escalated by Gwen taking back the yearbook, prepared to negotiate peace.Â
âOkay, okay, no need to rip his head off; we will return your book.â Miguel's body relaxes as he sighs of relief, holding out his hand for the book, but Gwen smirks, holding the book back out of his reach, âBut, you have to show us your old crush first.âÂ
Miguelâs eyes nearly pop out of his head, freezing at the terms of the agreement, and everyone else, including Layla, starts oohing. Making Miguel pitch the bridge of his nose again, muttering under his breath, âEsto tiene que ser una pesadillaâŚâ (this has to be a nightmareâŚ)Â
Then, to make things worse, they start chanting, âShow usâŚ.Show usâŚShow us! Show us!!â
The chatting became too much, and he snapped, holding out his hand irritatedly for the book. âFine! I will show you; just shut up!âÂ
A yay fills the room as Miguel starts irritatedly flipping through the book as soon as itâs laid in his hand. Everyone waits in bated breath until finally landing on the correct page. It's the page he spent the summer before college staring at, the picture he had agonized over. Miguel pauses, taking in the picture, and he feels those familiar feelings rushing up and swelling in his chestâŚThose high school crushes do hit you hardâŚ
Even after all these years, he still remembers you so vividly; seeing the picture always solidifies for himself as confirmation as to why he had liked you so much. Beautiful and popular, everyone would only have positive things to say, even if your friend group wasnât as nice. Miguel remembers that sweetness fondly. Though, behind that sweet smile, there was a mischievous side of you; he recalls hearing it hidden in your cooing voice when you would say that pet name during chemistry classâŚÂ
âMiggy~â Â Â Â Â
The memory warms Miguel's cheeks, but he quickly dismisses the feeling. âThere, that's her.âÂ
The teens quickly grab the book back, climbing over each other to marvel at the picture of the girl the oh-so-scary Spider-Man 2099 had a crush on when he was their age.Â
âWow, she's stunning!â Gwen complementsÂ
Miguel hums in agreement, âYeah⌠the prettiest girl in my gradeâŚprom queen, part of the student council, incredibly sweetâŚ, and we took chemistry togetherâŚâÂ
Pav and Hobie shoot Miguel a smirk, and he quickly huffs, folding his arms over his chest.Â
âEver work up the nerve to confess?â Pav questions, ever the romantic.Â
The group watches as Miguel closes his eyes, thinking that the blush from earlier is slowly rising to his tan cheeks, making them all gasp in excitement.Â
âYou did!â They all scream, but Miguel is quick to correct them.Â
âWellâŚtechnicallyâŚI didnâtâÂ
âWhat do you mean technically?â Miles prys
Miguel canât believe he admitted this much, but since he's already down the rabbit hole, he might as well give some more context: âAt graduationâŚI kinda did, then IâŚran awayâŚâ
A look of shock and confusion fills the teenager's face, but Peter is all grins and is going to give Miguel a high five: âAh, the mysterious type. Nice.âÂ
Gwen quickly swats him on the shoulder, earning a whine from the man.Â
âNot nice! That is so confusing! You just ran? Did you ever talk to her again?âÂ
Miguel takes a second to avoid eye contact, stoically starting to the side, before letting out a quiet, âNoâŚâÂ
There is a collective groan, and Miguel rolls his eyes, trying to contain his high school embarrassment.Â
âCan we stop talking about this and return to work now?â
âHave you seen her since?â Miles questions,Â
âNo,â Miguel answers sharply, irritation coming back up.
âWha-what! How will you ever win her love if you donât clear up the misunderstanding and confess your true feelings!â Pav laments, making everyone look at him with a raised brow.Â
âPav, mateâŚyou know how long it's been since he's seen her?â Hobie chidesÂ
Pav shrugs slightly, muttering, âMaybe it could be like a romantic thingâŚâÂ
âSo wait, You have all the resources and never thought to at least search her out? Aren't you curious?â Gwen prodsÂ
âNo, I never thought about stalking my old crush. Now, can we please-âÂ
âShe lives in the city!â Miles' voice calls out, making Miguel whip around.
Miles and Layla stand on Miguel's platform with your picture, info, and social media pulled up on his halo screens. Everyone is quick to web over, including Miguel. Miguel quickly pushes away a beaming Miles as he takes in all your information. He sees where you went to college, where you work, andâŚ
âOoohhh! She's still single!â Pav beams, looking at Miguel expectancy.
Miguel rolls his eyes as he keeps looking at you, still as perfect as he remembered. Somehow, you seem more confident in yourself, you seemâŚsexierâŚ
Feelings start rising back to Miguel's chest. He hasnât seen you in so long, and even your pictures still stir something within him.Â
âWow! This is awesome!â Miles beams, pointing to one of the screensÂ
Miguel, being too lost in your pictures, hasnât realized what the teens are yammering about until they all start shaking him back and forth in excitement. Then he finally hears it.
âYou can see her at your High School reunion! It's coming up in a couple of weeks!âÂ
Miguel turns his head to the invitation Layla had pulled up. âYou got this a month ago but didnât think you would be interestedâŚ. It looks like you will be attending now, though!âÂ
Before he can protest, she is RSVPing, and all the teens are hollering in laughter and giving high-fives. Everything is happening so fast that all Miguel can do is stand there in something akin to a trance. That's until Pav comes up to him with a giddy smile,Â
âItâs like density!âÂ
Miguel groansâŚhe wants everyone to get back to workâŚ
They really got him hereâŚ.How the hell did he let them convince him to come here? They even managed to get him to dress upâŚ
Hair in its usually slick back style, slate gray button down that did little to hide his bulk, and black trousers that he thought appeared too tight but Layla had insisted upon. Â
Miguel stands uncomfortably off to the side as people he used to know all gather together, chit-chatting about their lives and reminiscing on the good old days⌠All while Miguel stays sulking in the cornerâŚMaybe things from high school havenât changed that much. Well, despite the whole genetic splicing that made him a superhero⌠Instead of still being the captain of the Mathletes team, he's now the CEO of Aleamax. However, one thing remains the same: When he is in a room filled with all these people from school, his eyes still roam around, trying to find youâŚ
High school had not been kind to a nerd like him. He was 9 inches shorter, and the most important things to him were keeping all Aâs, getting into his dream college, keeping up with his favorite comic series, avoiding bullying, and wanting so badly to kiss his crush.Â
Miguel vividly recalls all those times in chemistry when you two worked so closely together. Miguel shyly mutters the mixing process while you lean in with stars in your eyes, taking it all in. Miguel never knew if you were interested in what he was saying or if you were trying to get a good grade, but he didnât care. You still made his cheeks flush and heart race all the same.Â
âThenâŚWhen-when you add fluid B to A, you will get a fizzing reactionâŚâÂ
A shaking Younger Miguel tries to steadily pour in the fluids while you watch, leaning in so close he could smell your sweet perfume and look at your glittery glossed lips.Â
âWow! Miggy, youâre so smart.â Your voice would be like sweet honey praising him, and the mere closeness of you to him would make his body feel like it was going to melt.Â
âI keep telling my friends I have the best lab partnerâŚâ Miguel feels his throat dry as your hand slowly curls over his forearm. Then the bell rings, and Miguel is flustered, packing his things as you smile sweetly and wave goodbye.Â
God, you must have been just messing with him, toying with him, knowing he was like a love-sick puppy for you. The worst part, if this was the case, he would have let youâŚMiguel would have let you toy and bat away at his heart until you felt content with it fully unraveling to you. PathicâŚis that what you thought? Well, if it wasnât what you thought of him before, it must be what you thought after his pitiful confessionâŚ
Miguel thinks back to that night when he last saw youâŚthat all too familiar warmth threatens to take him over, so as he stares down at his drink, he slips back to that momentâŚ
The ceremony had ended, everyone had exited the stadium, and Miguel was taking a second to calm himself in the dark hallway. High school was over, and his life was beginning. He was thinking back on all his decisions for this new chapter. Miguel fidgets with his graduation cap and feels about what awaits him. Then he thinks about the things he missed out onâŚ
Then your face comes to mindâŚhe had vowed to confess; even if you laughed and rejected him, he wanted to get his feelings off his chest. But when it came down to it, he let his shyness get the better of him and let you slip through his fingers without telling you. This was high school? He was sure to like other girlsâŚbut why was this eating away at him so much? Why did he feel so sick to his stomach for not doing thisâŚÂ
The sound of clicking heels fills the corridor, and like fate, you are walking through the hallway back toward him. Miguel adjusts his glasses, unsure if this is some kind of halustion brought on by self-pity, but no⌠it was youâŚ
As soon as your eyes locked to his, your lips curled to that all too familiar smile, the one that was so sweet. Then your voice rang that teasing nickname you graciously bestowed upon him. Â
âMiggy, what are you doing, silly? Hanging out in the darkâŚDonât you want to go celebrate?âÂ
âOhâŚ... I didnât plan to go to any parties⌠just going to go home and get started on some summer readingâŚâ
The smile that curled on your lips was additive as you stepped closer to his slouching form, âhmâŚMiggyâŚalways so prepared⌠Iâm going to miss seeing you around so much. Iâm sure you're the only reason I passed chem!â Â
âNoâŚI am sure you will have more interesting people to talk to than a nerd like meâŚâÂ
âMaybe I like talking to nerds like you.âÂ
The statement made Miguel look up to see you so close to him mischive filling your eyes. Leaning in so close to him, he feels like he canât breathe when he looks at you so close like thisâŚ
âYou donât mean thatâŚâ he chuckles softly.
Then your index finger lifts his chin, and you look at him with sweet eyes, but your tone is stern, âDonât tell me what I meanâŚâÂ
Miguel feels his heartbeat quicken, and his palms begin to sweat. Before he can return to rational thought, he leans into you.Â
He so gently cups your cheek with his nervous hands. Brushing his nose against yours, his shaky breath fanning over your sparkly glossed lips. Then, when your lips finally meet, he isnât sure who fills the gap.Â
The kiss was so sweet, and he held you so gently, but he knew you could feel the shaking of his hands and the heat rushing to his face. Everything around you two seemed to fade.
Eyes shut tightly from falling into the depths of the kiss, he pulls away to breathe. Peeking open his eyes, Miguels sees you are breathless, and your face is burning with a deep blush. You look so surprised... and he doesn't know what to say or how to explain.Â
âIâm sorryâŚI just had to do that onceâŚâ
Then he ran off⌠leaving you alone in that dark hallway, scared of what you would say nextâŚ
âMiggy!âÂ
âMiggy!â
âMiguel?âÂ
Lost in his thoughts, Miguel failed to notice that one of his ex-classmates had been trying to get his attention. One of them must have finally recognized him. Looking up from his cup, Miguel expects to see one of his old mathlete teammates, but as he finally meets their eyes, he feels his heart stop at the sight.Â
Looking up at him with that same sweet smile, you look just like he remembers: completely radiant. Your pictures showed you were still beautiful, but in person, you are the thing he remembers most about you: breathtaking.
âMiguel, that's gotta be you⌠Do you remember me?â -How could he not remember you?
Miguel feels himself staring at his thoughts, running everywhere; what does he say? What does he do?Â
âIâŚI, of course, remember m-my lab partner.â -Okay, a little shakyâŚBut with your face seeming to light up when he says he remembers and your eyes roaming over him, he canât chastise himself too much for stuttering now. Miguel feels his hands starting to become clammy, and his stomach feels full of butterfliesâŚshitâŚthis feels like high school all over again.Â
âI can not believe how different you look!â
âYeah, late growth spurt and I uh⌠I started goingâŚto the gym a lotâŚ.You though! You still look so beati- uh niceâŚgood you look outstandingâŚâ His mind is running a mile a minute, and he canât believe how he is acting right now! He's Spider-Man, and heâs acting so nervous?
Smirking, you look as if you could read his mind about how nervous he is, though to anyone with working eyes, it was obvious.Â
âYou think I look good?â you ask, playful spinning, making Miguel's eyes take in just how tight your dress is. âI was hoping for beautifulâŚâ you smile, giving him a wink. His blood rushes in his veins, and he swallows his suddenly dry throat.Â
You could eat him aliveâŚand he would let youâŚ
âBeautiful then, you - uh⌠you have always looked beautifulâŚâÂ
âThank you, Miguel, you look very handsome.â Miguel feels his heart racing as you step closer. Your eyes stay on his confident smile on your glossy lips. It teeters on cocky, and Miguel canât bring himself to hate itâŚhe loves itâŚ
âThough Miguel, I do have to sayâŚI miss the glasses; they were really cute.âÂ
âI still have some that I wear sometimes,â he says a bit too eagerly.Â
Your smirk widens, âReally? Does your girlfriend like them?âÂ
âOh, I donât have a girlfriend.âÂ
The smirk on your lips borders on sinful âGoodâŚâ You purrÂ
Miguel feels a wave of electricity shake through him. Are you flirting? Miguel canât help the smile and blush that's now reached to the tips of his ears. Miguel came here thinking that you wouldnât be here, and if you were, you would be avoiding him, but he didnât expect this. Do you even remember it? Well, of course, you would! Who forgets getting kissed, and then the person runs? He needs to apologize before he never sees you again.Â
âSo UmmâŚI am glad I got to see you, well other than itâs just nice seeing youâŚbut I want to apologizeâŚâÂ
âYouâre talking about graduation.â Your cheerful voice cuts him off and utterly confuses him. Furrowing his brow, heâs lost and hoping you can explain.Â
âMiguel, I liked the kissâŚI wish you wouldnât had run awayâŚâÂ
Miguel is sure heâs died, and there is no possible way you're saying this to him. Sweet, perfect you, liked when he kissed you. Nerdy awkward him? Gently, Miguel feels your hands touching his chest, slowly dancing your fingertips over his muscles. Miguel hopes you canât feel the way his heartbeat is racing right now.Â
âYou know, now that I really think about itâŚyou owe me an apology or something. It was very rude of you to kiss me suddenly and then run away like that, teasing me. Then, when I went to reach out to you, you didn't have any socials. That's not very nice to do, you knowâŚâ Â
Your hand slightly grazes his jaw, and he feels like he could melt. Rising to your tiptoes, you try to whisper in his ear as you lean into his chest, your chest rubbing against him. Miguel can feel himself starting to break a sweat.Â
âI thought you were sweetâŚâÂ
Miguel feels you start to pull away, and in a moment of bravery or desperation, he carefully places his hands on your waist. Leaning down, he whispers back to you.Â
âCould I make it up to you somehow?âÂ
âI have an ideaâŚif you're up for it?â
Gathering his confidence, when he sees your smile, he squeezes your sides slightly, âAnything you want.âÂ
Without any hesitation, you grab his large hand from your waist and pull him along with you to slip out of the reception room into a dark hallway. The irony is not lost on either of you as you grin and pull each other close. Your lips are so close to his as you lean into his chest.Â
âYou're not going to run away this time. I want you to do this properly this timeâŚâ
Part of Miguel feels like he could be dreaming; your arms are wrapped around his neck, your fingers tangled in his hair, smiling at him so sweetly. Your eyes are one of pure hunger, and your voice is so transparent with your want. Itâs perfect.Â
Miguel brushes his thumb over your tempting lips, slightly dragging the bottom down while he tries to archer himself back to reality. Moving his hand to your neck as he leans in and kisses you. Your lips are soft and perfectly guiding against his. Miguel's hands fall to your hips; he digs his fingers into the plush of your skin, making you gasp into his mouth with a moan. Itâs been a long time since heâs kissed you, and he wants to make sure you know how much he wants you⌠trying his hardest to impress you.Â
The fingers in his hair tighten to a fist as you guide him to part his plush lips, then slip in your tongue to get a taste of him. Itâs gentle at first but quickly heats up from your eager influence. Then you start straddling his thick thighs, grinding slightly against him. Both your bodies feel like youâve been set on fire in a blazing flame of want.Â
âMiggy, I always liked youâŚjust-â
Before you can finish your words, Miguel drives his tongue back into your mouth, eager to taste those words he had always wanted to hear. His hands cup your ass as he drives his knee deeper between your legs, letting you use him more. Breaking the kiss, you let out the most perfect moans as your body tingles and shivers. Miguel hasnât had enough of you yet as he keeps his mouth kissing against your flushed skin. His tongue rolls over your rapid pulse as you keep grinding and mewing for more.Â
âFuck, miggy~â
Miguel licks a long strip up your neck before grunting in your ear, âI⌠I only came here⌠to see youâŚt-talk to youâŚâÂ
His rough words make you grind against him more, and right as Miguel starts to feel your slick soaking through his pants, you pull his hair, successfully pulling a whimper from him, which is quickly cut off by your soft lips to his again. Then, as you pull away, you bite his bottom lip, which makes him shiver.Â
âCanâŚcan I take you homeâŚâ Miguel asks breathlessly, his hands still squeezing your ass.Â
A small giggle leaves your kiss-bitten lips as you take a second to fix his now-disheveled hair, thanks to you.Â
âTake me to your place, Miggy; you still owe meâŚâÂ
Miguel feels a rush of excitement run through him, making his length throb at your words. You really are going to eat him aliveâŚ
It's the perfect sight heâs only ever dreamed of seeing, you sitting on his large bed completely naked, a sweet smile on your face, soft legs crossed over each other, waiting patiently for him. Miguel adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his noseâŚyou had insisted, and heâs finding he canât deny youâŚ
Miguel slips off his underwear, kicking them away. Your eyes widen as you see his massive length slap against his abdomen, then hanging heavily. Your eyes rake over his immaculate form; the sight of you licking your lips isnât lost on him.Â
âStrip for me, Miggy,â you taunted as you dropped your dress with little effort, waiting for him to follow. Of course, he did. He would follow anything your sweet voice commands. Just pleaseâŚlet him touch youâŚ
Running his hand through his hair, Miguel approaches you, but your sweet voice turns to him in disapproval, and he pauses.Â
âNo walking, I want you to crawl on your hands and kneesâŚplease? Miggy~âÂ
Every time you use that old nickname, he feels his cock twitch. Keeping his now blazing eyes on you as he slowly sinks to his knees and begins to crawl to you obediently. The action is meant to make him look submissive, but you find that even now, he looks like a predator getting ready to devour its prey⌠The shiver that shoots down your spine goes right to your sex, making you drip down on his sheets.Â
As Miguel crawls closer, you unfold your legs, stretching one out slowly toward him. His large hand immediately catches your ankle. Hungry eyes look up at you, blazing with want, as his hand slowly caresses up your leg. Miguel's lips kiss softly against your calf while he whispers faint words under his breath after every kiss. His eyes watch you as he slowly raises your legs, the back of your thighs being pressed against his broad shoulders. Â
Miguel's hands grab your hips, making you slip a moan. His eyes turn softer as he hears you moan, his lips coming away from the fresh mark he's left on your inner thigh. Miguel's lips part to apologize, but you're quick to interrupt before he can.Â
Leaning forward, you push his glasses back into their proper place and caress his cheek. âYou're doing so well for me, MiguelâŚthoughâŚIt does feel like you're trying to make me beg⌠Are you trying to tease me?âÂ
Miguel's lips curl into a smile as he lowers his face to lick his tongue against your clit. You throw your head back at the hot contact, Miguel groaning at the sweet taste of your cyprine.Â
âI wouldnât dream of teasing youâŚâ Miguel's lips lower down to your clit before he gives it a quick lick.Â
Unable to help yourself, you grab a fist full of his hair, making him let out a soft groan, âThen devore me, Miggy; you still owe me, remember? And I-Ah!~âÂ
Before you can finish your taunting, Miguel is driving his face into your wet sex to selfishly devore more of you. Long slow licks of his warm tongue send waves of pleasure to flood your body as your toes curl from every push of his nose to your clit.Â
His breaths for air huffing against your quivering sex, the tip of his tongue darting back to lick against your soft folds, making you whine. Looking down at him, his glasses crooked and hazy and his groans continue to vibrate through your pussy. Then the sensation of his tongue probing you open makes you close your thighs against his head and grab this thick hair, pulling hard enough for a grunt to slip through his chest. Getting the message, Miguel moves his tongue to lick your sensitive clit as his finger slips into you. Your grip on his hair gets tighter as you squirm, grinding your hips against his face, mouth hanging open as your chest heaves moan after moan. Your body starts shaking at the addition of another finger, making you feel jolts of pleasure that make you need to roll your hips onto his face more.Â
Miguel could carless at the apparent use of his face for your pleasure; it's all he craves right now, your cum to dip all over his eager tongue. For your hips grind onto his face for hours. He would stay on his knees worshiping you like this until you're calling out from too much pleasure, and even then, he doesnât know how he could pull himself away from your delicious taste.Â
You feel him groan into you, the vibrations rushing through you to cause you to gasp and shiver as his tongue keeps sliding in and out of you, desperate for your sweetness. You want more, need more, you crave it with every roll of your hips; you want him in you deeply. Unclenching your thighs from his head, you pull his hair, forcing his face from you with a wet pop.Â
Miguel's eyes are blown as he keeps them steady on yours, his full lips parted and panting. The sight of his face glistening with a mix of his saliva and your arousal is sinful and complete perfection. His poor glasses are resting on his face, still lopsided from his ravenous pursuit to taste your cunt. Leaving forward, you keep a smile as you hold his cheek; he immediately melts into it. Grabbing his glasses from his head, you toss them to his nightstand; before he can say anything to you, you're leaning forward to bring him into a kiss. His lips and tongue are laced with you, and you canât help but want to giggle as he groans and leans his whole body onto you, so needy for more.Â
With a gentle push to his massive chest, you can change the positions as you now straddle his hips effortlessly. You are slowly running your hands up and down his chest and abdomen, feeling his hair decorating his skin, making your mouth water. As you shift yourself up, you feel his swollen length hanging heavily as you nudge against it. The tip is hot and already pebbling with glistening pre-cum, straining for you to envelope around him. Reaching down, you flick your eyes from his eyes to his length.Â
Miguel sure has changed over the years, but his face is so breathless and furrowing with every strained pleasure as you slide your thumb over his cocks slit. Whining so softly, sounding like the sweet nerd you remember. On the other hand, Miguel is witnessing you in a way only his mind had fantasized about. Your smile is no longer so sweet but devious; He wants to push his cock into you so deeply and have you shudder and scream while you gush all over him, But this teasing and taunting⌠it's mouth-watering.Â
Touching his length, you feel the sheer heat of it as you carefully trace over the soft skin, feeling every vein. Tracing over the red weeping tip, you feel him shudder and mumble something under his breath as you grasp him to hold against you, seeing that he measures to your stomach. You can't help but bite your lip in anticipation of the stretch.Â
Your eyes flick back to Miguels, âThink it will fit?â you tease.
âI will make it fitâŚâ his rough voice sends a shiver down your spine.Â
Lifting to your knees, you line up his tip to brush on your clit, making you gasp as you slip him through your folds. Then finally, you slip him in slowly, feeling his cock stretch your fluttering hole; the stretch is intense and makes you roll your eyes as your back arches. Miguel grabs your ass tightly, bucking his hips to sink in a bit faster; he pants a sorry as you let out a moan and squeeze your hands on his chest for support. Looking down at his beautifully blushing face, you only smile as you sink deeper.Â
âSo eager, Miggy~âÂ
All Miguel can manage is a smile as he works hard to keep himself from bottoming out immediately. He so badly just wants to shove it in deeply and rut into you like a damn animal. A groan builds in his throat as he tries to keep himself from whimpering as you continue to sink so slowly. His cock throbbing and stretching your walls as it heats your insides. Before he can manage a whine, you sink all the way down, taking every inch; before either of you can moan, you lean down to catch his lips in a needy kiss, taking control you guide him, your tongue pushes past his lips to taste his groans. While his tongue eagerly does the same. Pulling away from the kiss, you grind against him, relishing in the feeling of his cock pushing in deeper and his trimmed hairs tickling your sensitive skin; you canât help but bite his bottom lip to compensate for the mind-numbing feeling.Â
Miguel's hands squeeze harder, making you release his lip as your cunt to clenchs on him, the moan of his name dropping from your lips as your hips start to grind on him at a slow pace. Using your hands, you slightly push yourself up and rock your hips back and forth, letting his cock slide to bully your gummy insides, brushing your cervix with every nudge. Miguels is mesmerized as he roams his hands over your body, worshiping every inch of your skin with his careful fingertips brushing and rubbing you so tenderly. His hands come to your breast, where he takes a minute to squeeze and pinch your nipples, your whimper in response, and grind harder against his cock, pushing him to rub harder against your cervix.
âYou look s-so fucking beautifulâŚyour body, yourâŚtatseâŚIâve never stopped thi-thinking of youâŚâ Miguel mutters through pants of hot breaths.Â
The words spur you on, and you start to pick up your pace, making him moan out and guide your hips to rock back and forth faster, âAlways so sweetâŚâ you coo to himâŚthe words are less taunting but just true; he has always been sweet to youâŚ
âOnly for youâŚâ he muses, and you canât help but smile,Â
âGoodâŚâÂ
You feel yourself starting to sip from having a clear head that's now blurring in a haze of lust as you continue to pursue your pleasure on his girth. Pushing in and out on him quicker. Your hands grab onto him tighter as you ravish your tight pussy with his throbbing cock. Begging for both his and your release. Fucking so deep in you, now your jaw falls slack as his cock keeps pushing against your velvety sweet spot, making jolts of pleasure pulse through your body with every bounce.Â
The sweat that has built on your bodies works hard to try and cool your fevered states, but with every push into your cunt and with every clench around his length rousing him to go deeper makes it all in vain. There is no cooling as you two approach your white hot release, bodies only growing more hot and sensitive with every whine and every mind-numbing push. So close to tipping the other to ecstasyâŚ
With a couple of aided thrust from Miguel fucking up into you, your muscles tenase and your mouth falls open in a pitched scream of his name as your danm burst making you clench and shudder on his cock, coming undone on top of him. You're quivering on his length as he carefully grinds you through your drenching pleasure, the feeling of his cock slipping deeper as you eagerly ride him through your high.Â
With the way you clench so tightly and grind faster, Miguel couldn't help but feel himself throb and spurt right into your cervix. The feeling of it spurting so thickly, his cock pulsing inside of you, feeling so heavy in you with each twitch. This cum is hot and fills you so that it's leaking down mixing with your arousal, creating a sticky mess. You can't help yourself when you side on more and more feeling your cunt want to stick to his skin.Â
Haze starting to clear you fall forward on him, you try to catch your breath in between placing frantic kisses to Miguel's chest and neck. Your orgasm leaves you utterly satisfied, but Miguels is not doneâŚ
With a quick turning over your body, you're lying on your back now as Miguel situates himself between your legs. He takes time to look over your flushed form, his massive hands dragging over your sensitive body, and you shiver and buck your hips up. Miguel takes your legs, pushing them up to your chest, making your mew from his touch, your pussy completely exposed to him. Miguel feels his breath catch as his cum leaks out of your trembling puffy cunt in milky drops. Miguel releases one of your legs to fall to his shoulder so he can plam his cock, still erect and ready for more. His red eyes flick back to your blisted-out face, and though you're at the point of overstimulation, you still ache for more.Â
âM-MiggyâŚâ you're the one to tremble shyly for him now, and the switch of the roles makes him fold. Heâs helpless for youâŚ
Leaning down carefully, Miguel cages you between his massive arms as he places a gentle, sweet kiss on your begging lips. Breaking the kiss, he whispers in your ear so softly, âMore? Can you give me more? Perfect girlâŚlet me feel you againâŚpleaseâŚâÂ
Wrapping your arms around his neck, feeling his damp skin, you buck your hips up in your whine of, âMore, Please, Miggy ahâI need more of you, always. You are so good to me.âÂ
He catches your hips in a quick grip as he lifts them up, smiling; it's everything he has ever wanted to hear from your sweet lips. And he is always eager to satisfy you.Â
Miguel slips his cock into you with a groan; you're already so sensitive as he pushes down to the base, filling you so quickly that your body already starts quivering around him. Pressing soft kisses to your sweaty skin, he rolls his hips slow and deep. He is taking his time with you. Every thrust is hot and tingling, and you feel that familiar tense starting to build up again from the consistent pace he's set. Managing to open your eyes through moans and rolls, you see Miguel with beautifully flushed cheeks, eyes filled with want as he softly pants and whimpers with each clench of your wet cunt.Â
As his pace quickens, you feel him throb, giving you new resolve to meet your hips with each thrust, and your core starts to burn deliciously. Your nails find their place, digging into his broad back. Every slap of his balls to your overly sensitive skin makes you moan and throw your head back. Miguel takes the opportunity to kiss and lick against your neck, his hot breath rushing over you. With a final clench and strained moan, you feel that white-hot wave of pleasure burn through you; his body shudders at the feeling of your cunt, so desperate to cum against him to milk him dry again. His groan borders on a whine as his hips are still, and you feel that familiar throbbing against your cervix as his thick cum fills you up. Looking up at him, you watch his face contort to be in complete pleasure; the sight of it is completely addicting.Â
Staying in you till you are both down from your highs, he slowly pulls out his softening cock. The pooling of both of your cum completely ruins the sheets underneath you, but Miguel doesnât worry about that. He brushes stray hairs from your face and whispers he will be right back. You're too exhausted to move, and you can only twitch slightly as you feel a cool cloth cleaning you up so gently.Â
After cleaning you up, you feel the bed sink beside you and the feeling of an arm around you, bringing you closer to his warm body, his other hand brushing through your hair so carefully. You gather your energy to curl into Miguel with a broad smile. You two lay there, slowly drifting away in each other's comfort.Â
Clearing his throat, Miguel tries to be as unawkward as possible, and it only manages to make you smile more; you two just had amazing sex, and heâs still nervous; some things die hard, you guess. Looking up at him, you see heâs trying to gather up the best way to approach his next words; this night has been everything he hoped, and he doesnât want to blow it now, but he needs to know the answer to his question,Â
âCan-can IâŚtake you out on a date?âÂ
His face is completely sincere and flushed; you have to bite back your giggle before you answer.Â
âMiggy, about time you askedâŚâÂ
You two set the date up for the next night; Miguel, of course, wore his glassesâŚ
#across the spiderverse#atsv miguel#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara#spiderman 2099#miguel o'hara fanfiction#miguel o'hara smut#miguel o'hara x fem!reader#miguel 2099#miguel smut#miguel ohara smut#miguel x reader#miguel spiderverse#miguel fanfic#miguel ohara#miguel o hara#miguel spiderman#atsv smut#miguel atsv#atsv#atsv fanfiction#spiderman atsv#miguel o'hara x y/n#miguel ohara x reader#miguel x you#miguel o'hara x you#spiderman across the verse
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Danny always knew tax evasion ran in his veins. His parents hadnât been the most⌠morally sound of people, and less so as ecto-scientists.
He just didnât think their lessons would ever result in a criminal empire that spanned the entire city and then some. Danny hadnât seen it coming. His parents definitely wouldnât have.
âGood afternoon, Mr. Wayne. Mr. Fox.â
Danny âthe Phantomâ Fenton sat down across from a rather tense looking (to Dannyâs enhanced senses, anyways) Brucie Wayne and his right hand, Lucius Fox. He smiled pleasantly, matching Brucieâs vacant smile with that touch of Midwest suburban mother smile.
With his acquisition of multiple Gotham companies, his rather newly established Fentom Co. became one of the largest holding companies in Gotham, the first being Wayne Enterprises and the second being Drake Industries. After months of constantly working his butt off while fending off assassins, reforming Gothamâs slums and cleaning up some of the streets, and taking care of his nest of street kids, Danny garnered enough power to even stand close to Wayne Enterprises in terms of financial powers.
The topic of this meeting was, of course, the proposed merger of Wayne Enterprisesâ Medical R&D division with Fentom Co.âs pharmaceutical department. Usually, Wayne Enterprises wouldnât even consider such an offer, as their Medical R&D division was the most well funded and least likely to be part of a Rogueâs scheme- and therefore most beloved- department of the same nature in Gotham. However, Danny had something the other offers didnât.
Blackmail.
His overly polite smile widened as Bruceâs mask twitched. His eyes slid over to Lucius Fox.
âItâs an honor to meet you, sir. Iâve heard much about your genius in⌠research and development.â
By that, Danny meant that he knew Lucius Fox helped develop Batmanâs tech.
He did a lot of stalking that week. It felt rather⌠invasive, even if he did get a bunch of juicy secrets.
You know what they say: dead men tell no tales⌠but halfas are generally blabbermouths.
âIs that so? It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Fenton.â The man quickly glanced between the youngsters, accurately predicting that this might have something to do with Bruceâs active nightlife.
âYes, it is such a pleasure to meet you.â
Wow, Danny didnât think heâd ever heard anyone sound both so perky and dead inside at the same time, except for Susan at Gotham Highâs bake sale.
Bruce wishes he could be a Susan. Heâs at best a Becky.
âWill you be staying, Mr. Fox? Youâre the head of the R&D department, correct?â
âAh, yes-â
âOh, Lucius! I think you had an appointment with the finance department right now! I heard Sally talk about it, you know!â
Lucius Fox sent an unreadable look at Bruce before rallying.
âOh, it must have slipped my mind. My apologies, Mr. Fenton, it seems as though I can not skip this appointment.â
âThatâs alright. I suppose it gives you⌠plausible deniability⌠should things go wrong, haha!â Danny allowed his smile to widen a little further than natural. Bruce tensed but Lucius Fox simply politely smiled and left the room.
Ignorance is bliss and all that, Danny amusedly thought.
As the door shut with a click, Bruce dropped the vacant Brucie smile and sighed.
âWhat do you want,â he gritted out. Danny wasnât about to let that slide, not after he spent the better part of this month wrangling Bruceâs problem children.
âAh, it must be because Iâm from the Midwest, Brucie, but where I come from, we value these things called manners.â
You uneducated jerk, he doesnât say.
Danny leaned back in his chair, loosening his smile into something relaxed and sharp.
ââŚâ Oh, boy, Danny could just hear the other manâs blood pressure rising. âWhat is the purpose of your visit, Mr. Fenton?â
âRelax, Brucie,â Danny sing-songed in a non-relaxing way. âIâm just here to discuss a possible merger that Iâm sure youâll agree to, and give you a couple of updates on your⌠wayward bird.â
He heard Bruce take a slow, controlled breath. âVery well. Where. Would. You. Like. To. Start.â
Danny ignored the gritted out sentence. He passed a contract to Bruce, who took it like he was handling a live bomb.
âHereâs the proposal, Mr. Wayne. Please, look it over.â
He watched as Bruce looked over the contract with an eagle eye before lowering it, scrutinizing Danny.
âThis is⌠very fair.â
Danny raised an eyebrow. Of course it was fair. Danny wasnât interested in exploiting the Waynes, despite them being very able to afford it.
Heâd brought fifty manufacturing sites for pharmaceuticals, and offered up a building where both companies could send their workers. He provided top notch security- that definitely didnât have any talons on staff, what were they talking about?- that came from his own security division. Granted, most of them were reformed and trained goons, but hey, creating jobs can only help Gothamâs economy and help break the cycle of poverty, right? Guaranteed by the Wayne name and, most importantly, uncompromised medicine that was accessible to everyone would be a damn good start. Heâd also have Penguinâs empire to distribute it to those who couldnât make it to a clinic or a store, and there were plans in there to work with and establish contracts with Gothamâs welfare department. Well⌠once Danny finished replacing them with people who wouldnât try to take a cut of the funds and actually cared about the people. He was thinking⌠the multitudes of poor grad students and parents that need income. Heâs in the process of building childcare centers andâŚ
Itâs a good thing he managed to save money from the taxes (thank you, Gothamâs morally ambiguous tax experts that were in desperate need for clients! He could do it himself but having a team of accountants at the ready was seriously so helpful.) because ancients knows the government werenât about to step into Gotham and help the people here. He needs so much money to pull all of this shit off and a lot of it has to be clean.
Danny inwardly sighed and marked another thing onto his to do list.
Make money laundering fronts.
ďżź
âOf course, Mr. Wayne. You didnât think Iâd come in here demanding money, did you?â
âI considered it.â
âI am, in fact, trying to help Gotham. You might not agree with my methods, but Iâd rather not damage Wayne Enterprises when itâs doing so much to help the people.â
Ugh, he was doing too much work. Danny just wanted to- hah- chill at home and read bed time stories to his kids.
Bruce Wayne, the specific blend between Brucie and Batman, regarded him silently. Danny felt like he went up a few notches in the respect ladder.
Nice.
âYouâre a criminal.â
âSays the man in the bat-suit breaking into places and assaulting people.â
Bruceâs hands spasmed around the contract. Danny smiled at him, taking a sip of the coffee theyâd prepared. Oo, nice!
âAh, I heard youâre adopting- pardon, fostering- Tim Drake. Getting empty nest syndrome, Brucie?â He slipped back into using Bruceâs first name. The proposal was formal. This⌠was very much not.
âWhat about it?â
âThatâs very kind of you. Speaking of which, well, of your birds, I was wondering if you remembered what I asked you to do.â Danny continued, not giving Bruce a chance to reply. âDidnât I ask for you to keep your birds in line, Brucie?â
The CEO straightened even further, form filling out to be Batmanâs imposing figure. âI did.â
âNo, you didnât. Do you know where your charge is, right now? No, not the formerly dead one,â Danny tilted his head, smile shrinking.
âDonât you dare do anything to Tim. I swear, if you even lay a hand on a strand of his hair, Iâll-â
âSit your Armani clad ass down, Bruce.â Danny snapped. âYour sonâs in your office. I donât harm children, and your assumptions are deeply insulting. Threaten me again, Bruce, and Iâll make sure you know exactly how much I know about your birds, your cousin, and the commissionerâs daughter.â
Bruce snarled but leashed his anger just enough to sit back down. He itched to go check on Tim, but leaving a threat like Phantom unwatched felt inherently wrong.
âYour other son,â Danny continued. âIs doing quite well. Heâs learning that he has hobbies again. Heâs actually working under me, you know.â
âHeâs what.â
Oh, yeah, that tracks. It figured that Jason wouldnât tell Bruce about anything. Heâs still conflicted about his death. Danny got it.
âAh, thatâs precious information. Youâll have to offer something of equal value if you want to know. There is, on the other hand, a piece of information Iâll give you for free.â
Danny paused for the dramatic effect. It was lost on Bruce, the ultimate drama queen of this world.
âThe League of Assassins are hanging around Hotham lately. Itâs getting tedious, getting rid of them. I suggest talking to your old flame, you know, with words and what little communication skill youâve got rattling around in your noggin to get them to pull back. Her interest is⌠unnaturally focused on Jason.â
Danny read the dark agreement swimming about Bruceâs face and inclined his head. âShould negotiations fail, rest assured that Jason will be protected.â
ââŚThank you.â
âYou are most welcome. Go ahead and discuss the contract with Mr. Fox, I am sure youâll find little problems with it. Ah,â Danny stood up, fixing his suit jacket. âAnd you should probably check up on Timothy. Heâs probably having a great time in your office, Mr. Wayne.â
âIâll see you out.â
âOf course.â
Having Batman escorting him out should probably be more intimidating.
Danny stood in the elevator, waiting for Bruceâs contemplative silence to put itself into words.
Sure enough, âWhat⌠what kind of hobbies does Jason have now?â
âIâd tell you to ask him, but you two arenât on speaking terms, are you? He likes books, of course, but recently, heâs found an interest in glass blowing. He made quite a bit of progress on his attempts at sun catchers.â
âI see.â
Well, Dannyâs not about to step on that landmine any more than he has to.
ââ
âDanny.â
âOh, hey, Jason. Sit down, we were about to have dinner.â
Jason clambered into the window. Danny sighed. He had a door, but by the way Jason never used it, it was like the door didnât exist.
âMind telling me why the old bastard showed up on my rooftops with a bunch of glass and glassblowing tools?â
Danny smiled. âNo idea.â
âUh huh.â
Danny placed a hand on his chest and put on his best woe-is-me expression. The teenâs face twitched in annoyance. âDoubt? At me? Why, I never!â
A bread roll thwacked him in the face.
#dpxdc#danny phantom#batman#bruce wayne#jason todd#tim drake#dc x dp#red hood#bamf danny phantom#crime lord Danny#accidental crime lord Danny
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mother!!!! that recent poly!marauders + lily fic had me WEAK. if you please, could you write a part two where shy!reader finds out remus is a werewolf? I could see rem really not wanting her to find out bc he doesnât want to scare her, but maybe severus(or somebody) spills the beans thinking she already knew, or she overheard a conversation between the boys. sheâd be accepting of course, but remus freaks out when she finds out. just a lot of comfort and reassurance.
hope that gives you some inspiration, also, totally donât have to write it if you donât want to, of course!!! ilysm đ¤đ
I took this in a bit of a different direction but the ending's just the same! thanks so much sweets <3 <3
pt 1 // pt 2 // pt 3 // pt 4 // pt 5
4.6k words
poly!marauders + lily x shy!reader who learns about Remus' furry little problem
CW: miscommunication trope, insecurities, angst [with a happy ending], reader is feeling incredibly insecure in this fic, James cries, Sirius cries a little bit too but they all pretend not to notice for his sake
You felt terribly foolish; no, you felt worse. You felt absolutely humiliated and you had no one to blame but yourself.
And now that you were here - âhereâ being rushing to the dungeons to lock yourself in the Hufflepuff dormitories for the next foreseeable future - you arenât sure how you had convinced yourself that this was going to end any other way.Â
It was a pipedream at best, thinking you had any place amongst the infamous Marauders and the princess of Gryffindor, and it was delusional at worst.Â
Of course theyâd grow weary of you, of course theyâd find your nerves and anxiety tiresome, of course theyâd wind up bored of accommodating you when they were all so much more than you.Â
What had you been thinking? How did you manage to allow yourself to believe that this was anything but a phase for them - they saw you as a challenge, they beat the challenge, and now they were through with you.Â
You thought that the sweet looks, the kisses, the affection, the effort all meant more than it obviously did.
At least to them.
To you, it meant the world.
To them, it was a chore.
You were a chore.
Foolish girl.Â
You had been on your way to the library to meet up with the boys and Lily to study for the upcoming Herbology test. It was the first real group âdateâ after the sketchiness that usually followed Remus about once a month that no one else seemed inclined to comment on, so neither did you.
ExceptâŚexcept, this time, some lingering tension seemed to follow the bout of sketchiness.Â
And still, no one seemed particularly inclined to comment on it.
And you couldnât help but feel like you were out of the loop somehow, but you chalked that up to being a newer addition to the dynamic, and not living with them in Gryffindor tower.
That is until you happened to be walking out of their view behind the stacks of books that their table was situated by when you overheard their conversation.Â
âYouâre going to have to say something to her, Rem. This is getting out of hand.â You heard Lily say solemnly, earning her a pained groan from Remusâ lips, causing you to pause behind the stacks so as to not interrupt their conversation.
âCanât we just ignore this? Just for a little longer?â Remus bargained. âI mean, it canât be that bad?â
âItâs worse, Moons.â Sirius corrected.Â
âY/Nâs so sensitive though.â James added. âI mean, how would that conversation even go? How do you tell her something like that?â
âIt has to come from Remus.â Lily stated matter-of-factly.Â
Remus let out a long-suffering sigh. âAnd how do you suggest I go about this?â
âListen.â Sirius asserted. âI donât bloody care how we tell her, but we have to say something. I cannot keep living like this; itâs exhausting.â
Lily made a tsking sound and placed a consoling hand on Siriusâ shoulder as Remus let out another sigh.
âI know, I know; Iâm sorry you guys. I thought we could ignore it butâŚI donât think we can anymore.â
Lily, Sirius, and James all made a hum of acknowledgement.
âI think we ought to just rip the bandaid off and hope she understands.â Lily said.
You felt your stomach migrate to your throat as you turned on your heels and fled the library.
Is that what all the tension was about? Is that what this library study date was? Just a ruse to sit you down so they could break up with you?
Of course it was, idiot. You scolded yourself. They were foolish to entertain the likes of you for any amount of time.Â
So now you were here - âhereâ being rushing to the dungeons to lock yourself in the Hufflepuff dormitories for the next foreseeable future - and you arenât sure how you had convinced yourself that this was going to end any other way.Â
âDo you think I should do it tonight?â Remus asked Lily as she finally sat down.Â
âI think it would be best if we did, sweetheart. I just canât help feeling like weâre keeping her at arms length by keeping it a secret, you know?â
âI agree.â Sirius said quickly. âIt feels like sheâs more of a guest than actually part of the relationship whilst weâre keeping something so big from her.âÂ
âI just donât want her to hate me.â Remus admitted in a whisper.
âRemmy.â James cooed from the other side of Sirius. âOur sweet little Puffle seems completely incapable of hatred. But you know weâve got your back 110% if sheâs not accepting of you, right?â
The other two nodded in agreement but Remus only grimaced. âIt just feels like Iâd be ruining the relationship for all of you if the only person she has a problem with is me.âÂ
âImpossible.â Sirius replied emphatically. âAnyone who has a problem with you has a problem with us, Moons.â
âEven if we werenât dating, Rem, if someone didnât respect my friend - or anyone, for that matter - because of their lycanthropy, I wouldnât want them around anyways.â Lily agreed.
âI donât think weâll have a problem, though.â Sirius continued. âLike Prongs said, sheâs our sweet girl; Iâm sure sheâll handle this fine.â
âWhere is she, anyway?â James said, flipping his wrist to check his watch. âShe was supposed to meet us like twenty minutes ago.âÂ
The other three shared a look of bemusement.Â
âDo you have the map?â Sirius asked.
James quickly pulled the map from his book bag to scan the parchment for your name. âIt says sheâs in the Hufflepuff common room?â
âMaybe she forgot?â Lily mused.
âI spoke to her at dinner; she said she was going to change out of her uniform and then meet us here.â Remus replied, feeling his heart rise to his throat with nerves.Â
What if she knew? What if she already found out? What if she hated him?Â
âRem, itâs alright.â Lily placated, clearly seeing his concern etched onto his face. âMaybe she wasnât feeling well, or got caught up with something else.â
âSheâs never bailed on us beforeâŚâ James admitted, looking just as worried as Remus was. âMaybe we should check on her?â
âWhy donât we give her tonight; I think after all the shite we put her through this week, sheâs allotted one missed date.â Sirius decided, opting to keep his tone light as he teased Remus for his âpre-moon angstinessâ as his partners call it.  Â
âWeâll catch up with her tomorrow.â Lily decided; and Remus and James shared a look of concern as they relented to study for the upcoming Herbology test without you.Â
You werenât really mad at the Gryffindorâs for their decision to end things with you; at least not at first.
People were allowed to change their minds, and you supposed that was the purpose of dating, right? To see if the person youâre interested in is someone you want to keep around indefinitely?
So, people were allowed to change their mind, and that was okay.
You also couldnât particularly blame them; you were shy, quiet, timid, awkward in most social settings and certainly not as adventurous as them, it was only a matter of time before they grew bored of you.Â
So you hadnât been mad at them, not at first.Â
But you were growing increasingly annoyed at their attempts to force themselves within your space.Â
You had opted to sit at the Hufflepuff table for breakfast the next morning; there was no sense sitting at the Gryffindor table with them anymore.
But then you couldnât handle the feeling of your heart splintering every time you heard Siriusâ bark of laughter or Lilyâs giggle at something Remus said or that James did. So you quickly scarfed down your toast and grabbed a muffin to shove in your bag before fleeing from the Great Hall.
What you didnât notice was James noticing you only as you were leaving, looking incredibly worried.
You nearly shrieked when you exited your Astronomy class that you had with the Ravenclaws and slammed into Siriusâ frame.
âThere you are, dolly! We missed you this morning!â He proclaimed as he pressed a kiss to your cheek.Â
You quickly collected yourself; heart racing from the scare and then quickly migrating to your throat out of embarrassment and hurt at this familiarity you had with him only to be about to lose it.
âSorry, I had been running late.â You said quickly as you headed for the stairs; the long-haired boy quickly keeping up with your steps.Â
âWere you feeling alright?â He asked you.
âHow do you mean?â
Sirius tilted his head slightly as he considered you. âWell, you didnât show up to the library last night, and then you were running late this morning; thatâs not like you.â
A hot frustrated emotion burned in your chest that you werenât completely accustomed to feeling.Â
Wasnât he the one to say he couldnât live like this anymore?
It wasnât fair of you to be frustrated though, which frustrated you even more; he didnât know that you had shown up to the library last night, nor that you had gotten to the Great Hall on time.
They hadnât even noticed you this morning.Â
And thatâs why they were ending things; you were forgettable, ignorable, unnoticeable.Â
âIâm fine, Sirius. Thank you.â You said simply, and quickly headed for the girlâs loo in order to shake him off.Â
Remus had approached you in Care of Magical Creatures as well, which somehow hurt more.
Perhaps it was because you knew he was going to be the one to tell you that things were over; though you had thought heâd be better than to break up with you in the middle of class.Â
âHey, dove.â He said as he gently nudged your arm with his elbow; watching as you groomed the puffskein on your table.Â
âHey, Remus.â You said quietly, not removing your eyes from the Beast you were working with.
âI missed you last night.â He admitted quietly.Â
Did you? You thought petulantly.Â
âSorry.â You murmured instead.Â
âYou donât have to be sorry.â He said as he leaned his elbows on your workbench; if it had been any other student, youâre certain Professor OâBrien would have scolded him for not handling the beasts with adequate caution, but Remus seemed to be allowed certain privileges and the puffskein âKujoâ didnât seem to mind him much. âI just missed you is all.âÂ
And he was smiling that sweet, soft smile at you and he seemed like he actually meant it which only further contributed to your ire.Â
What happened to ripping the bandaid off? Why keep up this affectionate act if it was only going to end?
Remus looked like he was going to say something when the Professor announced the end of class.Â
âIâll catch up with you later.â You offered quickly before you all but threw Kujo back into his pen and took off towards the castle.
The final straw had to be Herbology, though.
You shared Herbology with the Gryffindors, and because you were a new addition - your the four Gryffindorâs all shared a potting bench whilst you worked alongside another Hufflepuff.
Today, however, it appeared that James had other plans.
Before Sadie-Jane could take her seat beside you, James had plopped himself - rather carefully for the notoriously boisterous quidditch chaser, mind you - on the stool beside you.
âHey, angel.â
Again, with the pet names.Â
It felt torturous at this point; part of you wanted to rip the bandaid off yourself.
But you looked over at the sweet, warm, inviting face of James Potter and any resolve to tell him to shove it completely dissipated. He was all messy curls, round frames, and warm eyes.
And you might have been [must have been] mistaken, but you felt you could see anxiety and worry painted in his features.
You supposed breaking up with someone could do that to a person, though.
âHi Jamie.â You whispered back as you opted to ready your supplies for todayâs lesson.
âI was wondering if you were going to come to the game tonight?â He blurted then, looking slightly embarrassed at his outburst.Â
RightâŚthe game. The game against Slytherin. The game that would have you sitting between Remus and Lily as they cheered for James and Sirius. That game.Â
âI...uhm, wellâŚâ
Rip the bandaid off.Â
But it was James.Â
And you were in class.
And you could see Lily and Remus trying - and failing - to not look like they were watching you and James whilst Sirius had no such qualms and was actively staring at the two of you.Â
âYeah, IâllâŚIâll see.â You offered James, mustering up what you hoped was a convincing enough smile.
You could tell by the divot that appeared in Jamesâ brows that you were not convincing in the slightest.
Thankfully Professor Sprout appeared then, instructing everyone to take their seats for class to begin, and Sadie-Jane came to claim her seat from the Gryffindor.Â
You didnât go to the game that night.
Gryffindor lost.Â
And though you didnât know at the time, James cried, but it wasnât about losing to Slytherin.Â
âSo, why are you hiding in the dorms?â Caroline asked as she rolled away from her open magazine on her bed, clearly preferring potential drama you could offer her than whatever was in this week's Witch Weekly.Â
âIâm not hiding.â You muttered back, not looking up from your cross-stitch you were working on instead of, you know, dealing with your problems.Â
âRight.â Caroline agreed, not sounding like she agreed with you at all. âThatâs why youâve started and quit several hobbies over the weekend and have been going to the kitchenâs to grab food instead of eating in the Great Hall like a normal person.â
You looked over at your half finished gem âpaint-by-numbersâ, the scarf youâd crocheted that looked more like the skin of a messed up snake that had a terrible time shedding, and the guitar you had borrowed from Fenwick and nearly broke in a fit of rage when you couldnât get it to sound the way you wanted it too.
âI justâŚcanât face them right now.â You admitted dejectedly.
âI donât blame you. Helga, have you seen the lot of them? If Iâd known they were accepting more I would have made my shot.â She mused as she laid back on her bed.
Grief and jealousy intertwined within you as you thought about them dating anyone else but you.
But you supposed that was their prerogative; they were allowed to change their minds.Â
âYeah well, you may still have a chance.â You muttered, capturing Carolineâs attention.
âWhat?â She asked quickly, but you didnât have a chance to answer before there was a knock on the door.Â
âWere you expecting anyone?â She asked with a salacious wink, causing you to glare at her.
âIf itâs them, Iâm not here; please.â You practically begged your roommate as she rolled her eyes and moved to the door to your dorm room.Â
âOh, hello Evans.â Caroline greeted, causing you to scrunch your eyes closed from your place currently hidden from view of the door.Â
âHi! Erm, is Y/N around?â Lily asked, sounding uncharacteristically awkward.
âUhâŚno, sheâs not in right now. I can let her know you stopped by, though?â Caroline offered.
You heard Lily thank her before Caroline closed the door again.Â
âYou sure you donât want them? âCause those Gryffindorâs are fine.â She sighed as she returned to her bed.
She let out a squawk when your pillow made contact with her head.Â
Lily stepped out through the barrel to find Sirius and Remus exactly where she had left them (albeit far more tense) as James came running from down the hall where he had been pacing nervously.Â
âWell?â James asked.
Lily pursed her lips. âHer roommate said she wasnât there.â
Remus looked down at the map to the place where your name was etched beside your roommateâs in the seventh year Hufflepuff girlsâ dormitory.Â
Either the map was faulty [fat chance], or you were avoiding them.
It was official.Â
For whatever reason, they were losing you.Â
You had somehow managed to avoid the Gryffindorâs all Monday; taking a moment to thank every deity that you only had Divination with the Gryffindor house, and none of your Gryffindorâs had opted to take it.
You wondered if you could call them your Gryffindorâs anymoreâŚ
You had run over to the kitchens - all but a hop skip and a jump from your common room - to grab dinner and were stepping back out through the portrait of the pears when you came face to face with Sirius.
âSo nice to see you, Y/N; Iâd almost forgotten what your face looked like.â He said; his tone taking on a harsh tone you werenât accustomed to hearing directed at you causing you to wince.
âPadsâŚâ Remus warned from behind him, though he was looking at you just as warily as Sirius was.
As was James and Lily.
Shit.Â
âIâm glad to see youâre still eatingâŚâ Remus commented dejectedly as he nodded towards your smorgasbord of a plate that Winky had helped prepare for you that now looked horribly unappetising.Â
âIâŚyes. Erm, what are you guys doing here?â You tried.
It had, apparently, been the wrong thing to say.
Sirius let out a derisive scoff. âCut the bullshit, Y/N. What the hell has gotten into you?â
âSirius.â Lily warned.
âWould you guys stop?â He barked back at them before returning his burning gaze back to you. âIâm tired of this; of running around the school looking for you, of being disappointed every time you bail on us, of having to hold James whilst he cries because youâve let him down, of being lied to. So Iâm going to ask again - what the hell has gotten into you?â
âNothing has gotten into meâŚâ You tried to argue, though it sounded feeble even to your own ears.Â
James had cried? You made James cryâŚ
The disappointment in Remusâ eyes, the concern in Lilyâs, the anger in Siriusâ, the sadness in Jamesâ... it was too much, too much, too much.Â
âYouâre going to stand there and lie to my sodding face?â Sirius asked incredulously.
âSirius, stop it.â James ordered; his voice far more severe than you have ever heard from him. âAngel, please. JustâŚjust tell us whatâs wrong. Tell me what I can do to fix this.â
Any sadness that had settled in your chest bubbled into anger at his word choice.
âFix this?â You repeated back to him. âWhy? Why bother fixing anything if youâre all just going to leave me!?âÂ
The four Gryffindorâs stood staring at you with different levels of bemusement; Lily and Sirius at your words, Remus and James at you having raised your voice for the first timeâŚwellâŚever.Â
âWhat do you mean âleave youâ?â Lily asked cautiously, causing you to scoff.Â
âI heard you guys - in the library.â
âIn the library? ButâŚyou never showed?â James asked.
âYes, I did - and I heard you guys talking about me, so I decided to stay out of your way thinking that maybe Iâd make it easier on you all. But then youâve spent the past week absolutely torturing me; showing up at my classes, trying to sit beside me, showing up to my dorm room like you werenât just biding your time.â
âY/N, what exactly did you hear us say in the library?â Remus queried.
âThat you couldnât do this anymore! That someone âhad to tell meâ because it was âgetting out of handâ. That you couldnât possibly live like this anymore and hopefully Iâd just understand. And I do! I do understand; but what I donât understand is what the point of chasing me around the bloody castle is if you-â
âWhoa, whoa. Okay, alright just breathe, darling, Iâm sorry.â Lily attempted to placate, holding her hands up as she approached like you were some kind of feral cat.
You sort of acted like one when you swatted her hands away from you.
âNo! No, itâs not fair! Iâm sorry if Iâm too much, or if Iâm not enough; I get it, okay? I do; sometimes it doesnât work out and thatâs fair but if thatâs how you feel then just leave me alone!â You shouted back, feeling the tears trailing down your neck at this point.Â
âY/N, please, listen okay? Just relax and we can talk this out.â Lily tried again as James let out a pained breath that sounded awfully close to a sob.Â
âRemus, please.â He begged, turning his pooling hazel eyes to his scarred boyfriend who was looking at you in abject horror. âPlease.â
âY/N, youâve misunderstood, dove. I-Iâm sorry, Itâs my fault, but what you heardâŚthat wasnât us talking about breaking up with you. I⌠It was about me.â
You wiped angrily at your face and set your now cold plate on the ground - you werenât hungry anymore anyways. âItâs not you, itâs me?â You sneered half-heartedly.
âNo, noâŚMerlin, Y/N I- Iâm a werewolf. Okay? I have lycanthropy, I was bitten when I was four; thatâs where I go once a month and why I getâŚweird. We were talking about the fact that I needed to tell you because it was hurting us to keep it from you. Dovey, Iâm so sorry youâve been so upset. Please, please take a breath for me.âÂ
You held your hands over your eyes as you tried to control your breathing.
SketchinessâŚtensionâŚdisappearancesâŚÂ
âYouâre going to have to say something to her, Rem; this is getting out of handâ
âCanât we just ignore this? Just for a little longer? I mean, it canât be that bad?â
âY/Nâs so sensitive though⌠How do you tell her something like that?â
âIt has to come from Remus.âÂ
âI donât bloody care how we tell her, but we have to say something; I cannot keep living like this, itâs exhausting.â
âIâm sorry you guys. I thought we could ignore it butâŚI donât think we can anymore.â
âI think we ought to just rip the bandaid off and hope she understands.â
âIâm a werewolf. I have lycanthropyâŚthatâs where I go once a month.âÂ
âPleaseâŚbaby, please say something. I-Iâm so sorry.â You heard Sirius plead quietly; his shaky voice in stark contrast from the way heâd been barking at you just moments before.Â
You pulled your wet hands away from your eyes to see all four of them looking at you with nothing but worry and heartache on their faces; though none looked quite as vulnerable as Remus did.Â
âIâm sorry, Y/N.â He whispered.
You sucked in a shuddering breath as more tears fell. âSoâŚyou donât hate me?â
Remus let out a disbelieving laugh when you heard what sounded suspiciously like a sob from James.
âNo! No, no dove, that- Iâm rather quite in love with you, you know?â He pressed, daring to step closer to you. âDo you hate me?â He asked then, tone turning vulnerable once more.
âNo.â You whined emphatically.Â
âOh my poor girl.â Sirius whined sympathetically.Â
âCan I hug you? Please?â James all but begged, stepping in front of you with his arms open already; poised for you to sayâŚ
âYes.â
Youâre not sure he even waited for the affirmation to leave your lips before he had you encased in his arms.
You shoved your face into his chest and fisted his shirt in your hands; pulling him as close as you possibly could to your person.Â
You werenât sure how long youâd been standing there - directly in front of the kitchens and awfully close to your own common room - sniffling into Jamesâ shirt as he sniffled into your hair, but you heard a sniffle come from beside you.
You turned to see Siriusâ grey eyes shiny and red as he looked at you imploringly.Â
âIâm so sorry I yelled at you, sweetness. Iâm such an arse I justâŚI-â
âItâs okay.â You whispered.
âNo itâs not.â Sirius argued immediately. âIâŚI get like that sometimes; just horribly defensive and then I go on the offensive first. I didnât even give you a chance to talk to us before I was attacking you; Iâm so sorry.â
âItâs okay, Siri.â You offered again, holding a hand out to him which he took readily.Â
âI canât believe youâve spent this whole week believing we wanted nothing to do with you.â Lily whined from your other side. âIâm so sorry we left you feeling like that, darling girl.â
Though you were quite content in your muscled hideaway, you pulled away from Jamesâ chest to wipe at your face again, feeling awfully self-conscious of how blotchy your face must look from your tears.
âI shouldnât have assumed.â You admitted shamefully; voice scratchy from both the shouting and the crying.
âThe way you described it, I can understand how our conversation sounded to you, babygirl.â Sirius contended.Â
âSoâŚyouâre really not leaving me?â You asked again.
âI feel like I should be asking you that, dove.â Remus replied.
âWhy would I be leaving you?â
Lily shared a knowing look with Sirius and James who in turn moved their gazes to Remus with expressions reading âsee?â.Â
âNot everyone would be accepting of a werewolf.â
You felt your eyebrows furrow as you looked at the others as if saying âare you hearing this right now?âÂ
âButâŚI love you? IâŚI donât even know what else to sayâŚI just⌠love you so, thatâs fine.â
âI just love you so thatâs fine.â Sirius repeated as he looked at Remus arrogantly. âI knew I should have placed a bet on how sheâd respond; Iâd have made five galleons!â
âWe were not going to bet on how our girlfriend would respond to Remusâ furry little problem, Sirius.â Lily chided as she playfully swatted at his shoulder.Â
âBesides,â James added, pulling you closer into his side again. âYou would have lost because I donât think any of us would have bet that sheâd misinterpret our disastrous conversation as us trying to leave her and then spend the week believing we were waiting for the perfect time to break up with her only for us all to shout and cry when we realised what happened.â
âNo, that's true.â Sirius agreed readily, looking back at you with sympathy. âI really am sorry, baby.â
âMe too.â Lily continued.
âMe most of all.â Remus added.
âI knew we should have gone looking for her that night.â James mused aloud mostly to himself. âCould have saved us all a lot of heartache.âÂ
âYeah, yeah Prongs. Youâre right again; Iâm sure weâll never live it down.â Sirius said with a playful eye roll.Â
âHow can we make it up to you?â Lily asked as she placed her hand at the juncture of your neck and shoulder and traced shapes along the column of your neck with her thumb.
You shook your head shyly and looked at your feet. âItâs not necessary guys.â
âNonsense.â Sirius scoffed.
âLetâs start with some dinner, yeah? And maybe a cwtch in the boysâ dorm upstairs?â Remus offered to the group, though he seemed to be waiting for you to answer.
You nodded at him and he opened his arms in invitation which you accepted readily.
âIâm sorry, dovey.â He whispered into your hair.
âIâm sorry too, Rem.â
âLetâs never fight again.â James decided enthusiastically as Lily and Sirius stepped through the pear portrait into the kitchens.
âSounds good to me, bubs.â Remus agreed as he bent down to press a kiss to Jamesâ lips whilst keeping you secured to his side.
You were sure that after this week, these four wouldnât be letting you out of their reach.
After this week, you werenât sure you minded that at all.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#sirius black#remus lupin#james potter#lily evans#poly!marauders#poly!marauders + lily#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders + lily x reader#poly!marauders + lily x you#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#james potter x reader#james potter x you#lily evans x you#lily evans x reader#lily evans x fem!reader#ellecdc fics
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hi, ok i have another idea for a fic which again totally up to you to write!! but i had an idea with dad!james and r where their kid is like equally obsessed with their mum as james is with r and one day james decides to prank their kid by saying something bad about the r while their kid is present and the baby just goes off. i feel like you would do an amazing job with this! feel free to ignore too. have a perfectly splendid day!!
-đŞˇ
"the baby just goes off" painted a hilarious picture of an infant yelling at his dad in my mind lmao. ty for the request this warmed my heart to write + special thanks to @moonpascal for chatting a little about kids, gave me the reassurance & inspiration i needed
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⢠dad!james potter x fem!reader ⚠1.1k ⢠warnings/tags: fluff, dad/husband!james, mom/wife!reader, no use of y/n, no name for the son, idk how to write a child's dialogue tbh son's supposed to sound 4 years old
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James gladly goes out of his way to mention to anyone who will listen that his little one is unmistakably a Mummy's boy. From family to friends to the poor souls who bag his groceries, James will talk the ear off of anyone he can.
He finds it to be the most endearing thing in the worldâ the way that your son is as obsessed with you as James is. Always staying close and clinging to you, touching affection radiating from every hug and smile.
Today, as he watches his son run back and forth across the carpet, handing his mother block after block just to see her face light up after each gift, his awe and admiration are insurmountable.
Last night, James surprised you with a pair of earrings that you have been wishing for. When your face lit up upon receiving the little leatherette box, so did your son's. He didn't quite understand why you were so excited about some cube, but since then he's been trying to replicate your excitement with presents of his own.
"Oh my! Another one! Thank you, buddy," you beam, you're gratefulness and delight unwavering as he hands you the sixth block.
Your son giggles, bouncing in his spot as you inspect each side of the little wooden toy, telling him how much you adore the blue penguin painted on one of its faces.
That's another thing that touches James' heart: the tender nurture and care that you bestow upon your son with such unwavering devotion and warmth. It has James convinced that you must be the best mum in the entire world.
He might just melt at the sight of you now, kneeling happily in front of a growing pile of blocks as your son scurries back and forth, adding to your collection. James sits cross-legged to your right, resting his elbow on his knee and laying his head in his hand, watching the two he loves most in the world with hearts in his eyes.
You gasp, as if surprised when handed block number seven. "Oh, this is my favorite one yet. How did you know I love zebras?" you ask, your thumb tracing over the red acrylic paint on the side of the block.
By the time you have twelve, nearly half of his collection, you say, "I have a lot of blocks here, buddy, do you want to give some to Daddy?"
"No!" your son protests immediately, running off to his toy box for the thirteenth time.
You and James both chuckle, exchanging amused glances. Finding your son's reaction hilarious, Jamesâs mischievous side has him dreaming up new ways to push his buttons. Your son thinks the world of you, and James is curious to see what the little guy will do if he claims otherwise.
"Well, what am I gonna do with all of this? Should I..."
You leave your son in suspense for a moment, and his hands hover over his toy box as looks at you, hanging onto your every word in anticipation.
"...build a castle!?"
âYeah!â your son cheers, scooping three more blocks into his arms, thrilled to supply the bricks for your castle.
James nudges you, a sign of his upcoming playfulness. âYou sure about that, bud? Mummy is absolutely rotten at building castles.â
Halfway across the carpet, your son stops in his tracks, glaring at his father as he tries to keep his blocks from falling out of his arms.
Stifling a laugh, you press your fingertips to your lips. By now, youâre used to Jamesâ bursts of mischief, and youâre more than happy to sit back and let them play out. Unless youâre an active participant, of course.
You muster up a scandalized gasp as he reaches for your mountain of presents, claiming three blocks in one hand.
âNo!â your little one complains, rushing to drop his three in your lap to replace the ones that James stole, âthose are Mummyâs!â
âYou sure Mummy deserves all these blocks?â James asks, starting to stack them into a tower, âYou watch, Iâll build a castle thatâll make herâs look like rubbish.â
Your son hastily makes his way over to his dad, both arms extended as he collides with the tower and sends the blocks flying. "Stop it," he says as he scoops up the nearest block and runs it back over to you, shouting, "Mummy's castles are the best!"
He climbs into your lap, clutching onto the toy tightly as one of your arms wraps around him, and you feel your heart start to melt as you rub soothing circles into his back. You look over your son's head, your eyes sparkling with affection as you meet your husband's tender gaze.
Not having the heart to mess with him for very long, James concedes, "You're right, I'm not being very nice, am I?"
"Nuh-uh!" your son replies, shaking his head with exaggeratedly vigor, the curls he gets from his dad bouncing about.
"What can I do to make it up to her?" James asks, turning the ordeal into a subtle lesson as he dramatically feigns sorrow and despair over his actions.
"'Pologize," your son commands, his head swiveling to look at James expectantly over his shoulder.
James puts on his most sheepish, apologetic smile, looking from his son to you. "I'm very sorry. He's right, your castles are the best. Can you forgive me, love?"
"Aw, of course I forgive you," you say warmly, your amusement manifesting as a wide smile. You lean back so you can get a good view of your son's face when you tell him, "You know, I bet what Daddy really wants is to build a castle with us. I love your presents, bud, but we don't want to leave Daddy out do we?"
He looks down at the block in his little hand. "No," he replies shyly.
"So why don't you ask him to build a castle with us?" You give him a pat on the back before releasing him from your arms. "Go on," you coax.
He steps closer to James, holding the block close to his chest. "We can all build a castle," he offers.
"Yeah?" James' face lights up, and it's not for show. Genuine joy takes over his features as he ruffles your son's hair, responding, "I'd love nothing more, little man."
"But you have to be nice to Mummy!" he demands, his little voice firm and earnest as he looks up at James with wide, serious eyes.
"I promise, I will be on my best behavior," James assures him, his voice sincere as he gives a playful salute. That's enough for your son, because he finally awards James with his very first block, which he accepts with pride.
"Good!" your son cheers, already moving on to the pile of blocks to start stacking them as he proclaims, "Mummy is the best, and we have to show it!"
Your lips part as you suck in a breath, a quiet gasp. Receiving your son's affection never fails to make your heart swell.
You don't feel James' eyes on you, but he's watchingâ admiring, more like, as he takes in the way that you soften at your son's sweet words. A smitten smile plays at his lips as he agrees, "She is the best, isn't she?"
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#james potter x reader#james potter drabble#james potter oneshot#james potter fic#james potter fanfic#james potter fanfiction#james potter fluff#dad!james potter#dad!james potter x reader#husband!james potter#husband!james potter x reader#mum!reader#mom!reader#dad!james potter x mom!reader#dad!james potter x mum!reader#fluff#drabble#one shot#marauders#marauders fic#marauders era fanfic#marauders fanfic#marauders fluff#james potter
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"If I was a color, I think I'd be yellow"
"Why?"
"Non-important. I just feel it"
He has never seen yellow the same way again. It was everywhere. He looked for it everywhere. And everytime, without fail, he remembered you. A pretty sunflower. Your blinding smile. A little minion figure he saw on the mall. You crying after watching the latest "Despicable Me" movie (and him laughing at your cute stupid crying face). A silly Winnie the Pooh keychain on a crying child's backpack. You talking to the said sad kid you both saw on the street and trying to cheer them up, playing with them and making sure they were smiling, their worries melting away in the speed of light (you'd make such a great mother, he thinks, making his face grow bright red right after). The sun in all of it's glory. You. You. You. You.
You were like a plague infecting his brain and soul. He couldn't focus on anything anymore because you were always running through his head, the sound of your laugh playing inside his mind 24/7 and driving him half insane. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to ask you why you said to him you were yellow. How did you know? What made you so sure of it? Why you had put him under this spell in which everytime he catches just the smallest and quickest glimpse of yellow, the image of you came flooding his mind and senses? Did you even think about him the same amount of times he thought about you? He didn't know. He couldn't know unless he asked you. And it was not fair. Not fair at all.
"Remember that day you told me you were yellow?"
"Yeah" you said, stopping mid-sip of your milkshake and looking at him with your beautiful a confused face "Yeah, I do. Why?"
"You never gave me an answer to the question I asked you that day" he ignored how the first sentence you said made his heart fluster and his stomach go silly.
"Which question?" How humilliating. He's gonna have to swallow his pride and repeat it. Utterly ridiculous.
"Why?" He couldn't care less about how hurt his ego was right now "Actually, how. How did you know you're yellow?"
"Easy. It's 'cause yellow and purple are opposites, so they look good when put together"
"What?"
"Yellow and purple are on opposite sides of the color wheel, silly! So they're complementary colors and go well together"
"I know that. But what does purple have to do with you being yellow?"
"You remind me of purple"
And suddenly, he realized yellow has never been alone. Next to the beautiful sunflower, there's a bellflower, that looks gloom when compared to the yellow plant, but basks in the joy it seems to bring nonetheless. Just like you are the one to bring joy to his life. Beside the minion figure, there's a figure of those bad purple minions, and while one is considered pretty, funny and nice, the other one is scary, angry and people tend to avoid them. It reminds him of you two: extroverted and kind you and introverted and rude him. Perfect opposites. Perfect together. He hadn't noticed before, but the child's backpack was purple, and this memory was followed by the the sound of the laughs you and the little fella shared. Kids should always be happy, smiling, harmless and having fun. Comfortable. Safe. In that way, you make him feel like a little kid. Your warm embrace, so protective and oh so motherly. He feels relaxed around you. Overjoyed. And even though he doesn't smile a lot, you always seem to make him want to crack a real, big grin. It must be a superpower of yours. Lastly, the sun, always followed by the moon. Even though they don't "meet" often, when they do, they create one of the prettiest phenomena known to humanity: an eclipse. They're always apart, but when they're together, it's so beautiful that the whole world stops to see.
"That's cringy. And kinda stupid."
"No it's not! We're a perfect duo! Just admit it!!"
"'Course we are"
"What did you say? I didn't quite hear you!!"
"I'm not saying it again."
So don't act surprised when your wedding is full of beautiful sunflowers and bellflowers. You should see it coming. They look good together right? Just like you two.
RIN ITOSHI, Kunigami Rensuke, Nagi Seishiro, MICHAEL KAISER, Barou Shohei, SAE ITOSHI, TODOROKI SHOTO, SHINSOU HITOSHI, BAKUGOU KATSUKI, USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI, KAGEYAMA TOBIO, TSUKISHIMA KEI (his name's kanji meaning moon is just so-- perfect fot this fic) , Osamu Miya, Suna Rintarou, MEGUMI FUSHIGURO + any character you think fits this!!
Curiosity!!!: Bellflowers mean "everlasting love and commitment" in flower language, while sunflowers mean steadfast love!!
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Wrote this in the middle of my portuguese class. I hate it. I'm in love with him
#blue lock#jujutsu kaisen#haikyuu#bnha#mha#itoshi rin x reader#kunigami x reader#nagi x reader#kaiser x reader#barou x reader#sae x reader#todoroki x reader#bakugou x reader#shinsou x reader#ushijima x reader#kageyama x reader#tsukishima x reader#osamu x reader#megumi x reader#blue lock x reader#mha x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#haikyuu x reader#suna x reader
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i'll love you forever
pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader
summary: you were sunghoon's first everything; first friend, first love, and first heartbreak. after years of quietly crushing on you, he was finally ready to confess. so ready to confess, that he told his parents the two of you were already dating! it was an easy enough lie to keep up and he kept it up for months, what could possibly go wrong? he thought. little did he know, you would have a falling out and stop talking for months.. and then, you'd both get invited to spend a week at home with his parents, who still believe you're his girlfriend.
genre: smut, fluff, angst, college au, childhood best friends to lovers, fake dating
warnings: minors dni, fake dating is pretty mild (sorry), she kinda doesnât rate him at the start, these two kind of exist in a vacuum a little bit idk i had a self-enforced word count to stick to and broke it.. (im within the 10% allowance !), sunghoon in a vest, sunghoon arms, sunghoon
word count: 21,858
playlist: click here.. (for my non-spotify babes, the main song is light by wave to earth (which for some reason i put last.. whatever))
author's note: for silly @asahicore. happy birthday pooks i hope it's amazing and that u enjoy reading this when u have the time !!! LOL (lots of love) also im never writing without telling you things again this was so absurd.
to everyone else.. ok happy reading also emma did not beta read this so im sure it's missing its charm .. anyway it's for emma not you đ anyway i hope u enjoy regardless and lmk ur thoughts! omg this is the first fic im nervous about posting.......... please enjoy or else.
In the three years since Park Sunghoon moved away for university, heâd been doing a pretty good job of going home to see his parents. Theyâd welcome their baby back to the nest with open arms and wide grins. With a rehearsed level of indifference, his younger sister, Yeji, would say, âOh, I didnât know you were coming home this weekend.â when she saw him at the dinner table. Sunghoon pretended to only be marginally hurt by this.Â
In the last three months, he hasnât so much as sent a text to his parents.Â
Or to you.Â
Ignoring texts from his mother is devastating. Between classes, he watches as, âHi, sweetie, I love you đ,â turns into, âMissing you, honey, know you must be busy but spare some time for your old mummy, no?â which turns into, âGetting really worried now, are you doing okay? Has something happened with YN? Talk to me, I love you, my baby boy!âÂ
Ignoring texts from you is easy because texts from you never come.Â
Sitting at the end of his bed, Sunghoon rereads a text his mother sent a few minutes ago: Please talk to me, son. Really worried and YN isnât answering calls either. Whatâs going on with you two?
When he leaves his room, he finds Jake lying on the couch, and with his keys in hand, Sunghoon says, âIâm going home.âÂ
And the drive is great! At least, he tells his mum it is. In truth, the drive home without you was nearly impossible. Your ever-expanding home time playlist buzzed through the speakers in his car, but without you there to screech along to the songs, it wasnât the same. He felt your absence the most when he stopped to get petrol and you werenât there behind him struggling to carry enough snacks to feed a small family without offering to pay.Â
The look of worry on his mumâs face stirs a pit in his stomach. âWhy are you so quiet these days? God, you look so tired,â she says, frowning. âIs it school? Or something with YN? Itâs not like her not to text back.â Her brows crease as she whispers the word unless. She pulls him into a hug, her chin resting perfectly on his shoulder, and her comforting hand strokes the hair on the back of his head. âBreakups are never easy, honey. Iâm so sorry, I know how much you love her.âÂ
Breakups are never easy. The sentence hangs heavy over his head.Â
Whether she knows it or not, sheâs handed him a get-out-of-jail-free card, the opportunity to set things straight, to end this mess once and for all. No further questions, and most importantly, no more lies.Â
For the first time since he left your flat three months ago, Sunghoon lets himself cry. Heâd imagined this moment countless times, his first cry since you ended things. In his mind, it was always intense. Today, as it happens, only a few salty tears leak from his eyes, spilling onto the cuff of his sleeve, darkening the blue cotton in tiny indigo splotches.Â
âWe didnât break up,â he says in a small voiceâfor some reason. âIâm just having a hard time.â Neither statement is technically untrue, but the words taste rotten in his mouth.
The tightening grip of his mumâs arms around his body is what brings on the harsh, shoulder-racking sobs heâd been anticipating. For a while, they stand like this, Sunghoon weeping into his mumâs cardigan until she sends him upstairs to lie down, promising a cup of tea that never comes.Â
His childhood bedroom is chilly, so he changes into clothes he left behind and climbs into bed, pulling his duvet up to his chin. He turns his head to look at the walls and the room around him, everything is exactly where he left it in the summer. It should be comforting, but itâs weird to be home without you.Â
There are photos of you and him everywhere, growing up and around each other through different stages of life. The two of you together during the summer your family moved in next door, you wore glasses back then and were the first friend heâd made in his life. Sunbathing and sharing earphones at the beach, listening to music together on your iPod classic. Sunghoon in thick glasses with a stiff smile and your arm around him on the first day of high school. Wide grins at the start of this summer, the last time things were okay between you.Â
Overwhelmed, he stares up at the ceiling, only realising heâs crying when a hot tear slips from his eyes to tickle his ear. Because Sunghoon likes to upset himself, he screws his eyes shut and thinks about the night before you stopped talking.Â
Though he didnât know it at the time, youâd left Yeonjunâs place to sit with him in a tiny restaurant on campus, the one youâd only visit to toast to each otherâs heartbreaks. It had become a ritual â ever since your first year boyfriend dumped you after two weeks â to cry as much as you wanted and drink as much soju as your bodies could handle before stumbling back to your apartments.Â
Having spent years suffering from an unrequited crush on his best friend, Sunghoon was always the one to comfort you. But that night was different; you were there to comfort him. It was easy enough to play the part of âboy whose crush likes someone elseâ because he spent your entire friendship in that role. Heâd had no problem accepting his fate, but his composure started to slip when you met Yeonjun. It was the first time youâd dated someone who Sunghoon had reason to be jealous of. In every way, Yeonjun was better than himâtaller, funnier, hotter. Sunghoon knew he didnât stand a chance. He took it personally, you liking Yeonjun instead of him, and let his jealousy consume him from the inside out.Â
This jealousy led him to start telling you about Minjeongâlying to you about Minjeong, and his feelings for her. She was a girl from a college out of town that he saw on his Instagram Explore page. He followed her by accident, and by some stroke of luck, she followed back. Sunghoon didnât really have feelings for her â he didnât even know her â but she was a girl that you didnât know, so you wouldnât be able to meddle.Â
It only took a few weeks for Sunghoon to become so upset about your relationship that he couldnât hide his emotions anymore. So, in a fit of tears, he told you over the phone that things ended badly with Minjeong, and he was in urgent need of a soju ceremony.Â
But the night was missing its usual comforts.
It was strange to be the one crying, to see you looking put together and ordering the food. To see you pouring the drinks and raising your glass to propose a toast to âHoonieâs first heartbreakâ. You were driving that night, so you only had a tiny sip of soju and let him drink as much as he needed, the way he always did for you, at the same table, in the same restaurant for years.Â
Hours later, in your car, you entertained his drunken rambles, though he remembers how your lips were set into a frown that he wanted to kiss away while you gripped the steering wheel like you thought it would run from you. Sunghoon was more drunk than heâd been in a while, drunk enough to let you sling his arm over your shoulders and keep him upright until you reached his flat.Â
The voices coming from Yejiâs room disrupt the memory. Heâs thankful.
âYour brotherâs going through something, so be nice to him this weekend.â His motherâs voice is her version of hushedâa loud whisper.Â
Yejiâs response is harder to make out, but he doesnât miss the way their mum says, âI mean it, missy.âÂ
A dramatic sigh rumbles through Yeji as she barges into his room without knocking. Sunghoon sits up, feeling an ache in his back and crossing his legs.Â
âMum told me to lay off you today, which is fine, but before I do, I need to tell you something.âÂ
Yeji pushes the door shut behind her, and the open window makes it slam, both of them flinching from the sudden noise. She pulls her hair out of a silk scrunchie and throws herself on the floor. A pang of irritation forms in his chest, knowing that he could immediately find the empty hanger in his wardrobe where the shirt sheâs wearing used to live.Â
âI hate you and your perfect golden boy image, Hoon. Would it kill you to fail a class for once? I donât know how Iâm supposed to carry on your legacy.â Sheâs looking up at him, her chin in her hands and irritation written in the crease between her thick brows.Â
Itâs impossible to know if itâs because of Yejiâs complete lack of boundaries or the fact that her âperfect, golden boyâ big brother is on track to fail three out of three classes and get cut from the hockey team, but Sunghoon immediately bursts into tears.Â
âOh, uh.. Iâm sorry?â Yeji offers. âI was kidding if that helps.âÂ
âIâm alright, itâs okay.â The tears donât stop stinging his eyes. âWhy do you want me to change everything about myself?âÂ
With a frown, Yeji pours out her frustration and mild resentment. She doesnât understand how Sunghoon effortlessly conquers every aspect of life while she struggles. Neither do their parents, who had been baffled by her plummeting grades since she moved to boarding school, especially when Sunghoonâs academic performance has only soared since he left for university. The weight of this perceived injustice pulls Sunghoonâs shoulders down with guilt as she talks about the expectations he has inadvertently set for her.Â
âBut other than that, Iâm good.â She shrugs, sitting with her legs out, and leaning back on her palms. âHowâs YN?â she asks. Itâs clear from the brightness in her voice that she thinks sheâs helping.Â
Sunghoon cries again.Â
Back on campus, heâs trying to scrape together whatâs left of his academic career with the help of two of the smartest guys he knows, and their friend Jay. Though the word âfriendâ feels a little strong at the moment given the way Jayâs goading him.Â
Sunghoon rolls his eyes, sitting back in his seat. âThereâs nothing you can do that I canât,â he says, meaning every word.Â
Jay scoffs, shrugging and raising his brow in a way that, over the years, Sunghoon knows to interpret as his âabout to say something ridiculousâ look. âPretty sure I could call YN right now, and sheâd answer.âÂ
Thereâs a pit in Sunghoonâs stomach as Heeseung turns his head in the other direction like heâs been slapped, trembling with stifled laughter. At least Jake doesnât hide his amusement, throwing his head back in a fit of giggles that draw nasty looks from the other students in the library. Sunghoon doesnât waste his energy trying to argue because Jayâs right.
Now composed, Heeseung turns back to the table, flipping through some of Sunghoonâs course materials to find whatever his class was doing in class that week. The English Literature class heâs taking â The Modernist Movement: Joyce, Woolf, and Hemingway â is the same class he had to send a million emails over the summer to get enrolled in, but itâs the same one Heeseung aced two years ago. Lucky for him none of the boys seem to be in the mood to make fun of him for trying so hard to have a class in common with you, and then practically failing out of it before the term had started properly.
âThis class is, like, beyond easy, dude.â Heeseung pauses to sniffle and twist the stud in his ear. âEveryone in my class aced it. How are you doing so badly already?âÂ
âI only took it because YN thought itâd be fun if we had a class together, but.. I kind of havenât been going since we stopped talking.â Sunghoon shrugs, pretending to be unaffected.Â
As if the mere mention of your name has some sort of summoning power, like saying Biggie Smalls in the mirror three times, you appear in his eye line, rounding the corner with a furious stride. Your demeanour crumbles when Jay waves at you, and you grin, waving back, but as soon as you look Sunghoon in the eye again, the rage comes back, and you smack a hand on the table when you reach it, leaning over to him.Â
âSunghoon, a word?â you ask.
He thinks youâre asking, but itâs hard to tell with the way you set your jaw afterwards, and the way the warmth of your signature vanilla scent hits him hard. Dazed, Sunghoon lifts a hand, pointing at himself. âMe?âÂ
âDoes anyone else at the table answer to Sunghoon?âÂ
âOkay,â he says, somewhat pathetically, nudging Jay for laughing at him.Â
As slowly as possible, Sunghoon pushes his chair from the table and stands up, following you to the corner of the references section where only anthropology students in scratchy thrift store knits, and Jay, come to check out encyclopaedias by volume. You look good, save for the rage written all over your faceâwhich, honestly, Sunghoon thinks he likes.
Sunghoon isnât sure what to expect, so he says, âHey.â Heâs being cautious, waiting a moment to gauge your reaction. âWhatâs gooooood?â His cheeks burn as soon as he closes his mouth around the vowel, but you laugh. You laugh, and itâs beautiful and happy, and youâre laughing because of himâor at him, but heâs glad either way.Â
Annoyance quickly clears all traces of amusement on your face. âWere you ever going to tell me weâre spending next week at Mum and Dadâs?â you ask.Â
Sunghoon gasps dramatically, clicking his fingers. âI knew there was something Iâve been meaning to do.âÂ
His attempt at lightening the mood falls flat, and you only nudge his shoulder gently, sighing. âCan you be serious? For once in your life, even for a second, can you please think about how the things you say affect me?â Youâre frowning, crossing your arms over your chest and looking at your feet. âItâs not fair, Sunghoon. For you to keep saying thingsâmaking plans involving me and then acting like Iâm the bad guy when I turn you down.âÂ
âI donât think youâre the bad guy at all,â Sunghoon admits. âIf anyone is in the wrong, itâs me, I guess.â
You scoff, looking at him like you hate him. âYou guess? Are you serious?â You look furious, but you sound hurt and Sunghoon hates it. Hates himself. âI canât have this conversation with you right now. Tell mum Iâm sick, and itâs contagious.â You roll your eyes and walk away, leaving Sunghoon alone with his thoughts and judgemental stares from students in crochet scarves so long they graze the floor.Â
He sighs, slumping against the wall. How does he keep getting it wrong with you?Â
Back at the table, Sunghoon manages to act like heâs not falling apart and makes some serious headway on his missing assignments with Heeseungâs help before they call it a day as the sun starts to set.Â
When he gets home, he lies down on his bedroom floor, spending hours poring over the conversation you had. Over the minute changes in your facial expression, the tone of your voice, and the endless list of things he should have done, rather than watch you walk away.Â
The moment feels familiar, both identical to and worlds apart from what happened after you left three months ago. When he managed to scrape the last shreds of his dignity from the kitchen table, he dragged his feet to his room and lay down like he is now, face to the rug. That day, he left his door open and lay so still that Jake thought he was dead. Sunghoon remembers wishing he had been.Â
For once in your life, even for a second, can you please think about how the things you say affect me? The words run on a loop in his mind, over and over, until he canât remember the order of the sentence or where you put emphasis. Theyâre cutting all the same.Â
Sunghoon sighs into the itchy fibres of his black rug before rolling onto his back. In the diminishing purple light of the setting sun. he looks at the walls of his room. At the Fleetwood Mac poster, he stole from Jay when they moved out of their first year dorm, that curls away from the wall towards the ceilingâa diagonal strip of shiny tape being the only indication of the otherwise invisible tear through the face of Stevie Nicks.Â
Heâs glad when his phone rings, cutting through the quiet, though the sight of your name and the anatomical heart emoji next to it only dampens his spirit. Reluctantly, Sunghoon answers the phone, holding it to his ear.Â
âI just got off the phone with Dad..â You trail off. Tangible silence follows, so thick it weighs on his chest. âIâll go home with you.âÂ
âYou will?âÂ
âYes. Goodbye.âÂ
Sunghoon reaches your flat at five in the evening. You donât smile when you open the door for him, nor do you invite him in. Instead, you dump your bag at your feet and he cringes, looking from the floor to you. Youâre aggressively beautiful and cosy-looking as you pull a jacket over the sweater you wore that night. Sunghoonâs heart aches in his chest and he wonders if you even realise. Suddenly, the memory of the last thing you said the morning after hits him like a truck: Then letâs not be friends at all.Â
A familiar weight lands on his shoulderâyour hand. Concern lines your eyes as you ask if heâs okay.Â
With a lump in his throat, Sunghoon nods.Â
In the discomfort of his car, the two of you sit in silence while he starts the drive home.Â
âHowâs Yeonjun,â he asks, eyes flicking towards you but regretting it immediately when he sees how you clench your jaw.Â
âNo,â you say simply, shaking your head. âYou donât get to ask me about him.âÂ
These are the only words you exchange until Sunghoon stops for petrol. He has enough fuel for the rest of the journey, but he feels like dying and thinks the fresh air might quell his thoughts of running his car off the road. Like always, the two of you get out and head into the kiosk, where he follows you wordlessly through the aisles, watching you debate on snack choices before settling on the same things you always get. Sunghoon pays for your snacks and you roll your eyes but donât protest, mumbling thanks as you take them into your arms, leading the way back outside.
He knows he needs to tell you before you reach the house, but heâs not entirely sure how to say itâso he just does. âMy, uh.. my parents think weâre dating.â
You stop so suddenly in front of him that he almost bumps into you. Stepping around you, Sunghoon keeps walking.Â
Over the top of his car, he watches your face cycle through all five stages of grief until anger comes back around in the loop as you scoff. âWhy do they think that?â Your face is devoid of expression now, the blankness over your features dragging a sharp chill over his spine.Â
He stares blankly at you, processing. âBecause I told them weâre dating,â he mumbles.Â
âWhy did you.. do that?â You tilt your head, eyes pressing shut in a long blink. âWhat are you even talking about? Why did you.. What?âÂ
A thin layer of sweat coats his palms despite the cold. Why did he do that? âWe can stage a breakup during the trip or say we broke up right now,â Sunghoon offers. âJust one night, YN, please.âÂ
The wind whistles by, ruffling your hair and jacket that you hug tightly to your chest. Behind you, Sunghoon takes note of the group of girls standing by the pumps, all five of them jerking their heads abruptly when they notice him watching, suddenly finding interest in the scattered litter and flickering halogen bulbs in the steel canopy over their heads.Â
Youâre staring when he looks back at you, nostrils twitching with a sniffle before you sigh. âOr we could say that youâre a liar and end things there,â you say. âOr better yet, you go down there on your own and tell them the truth.â
Sunghoonâs gaze drops, his thoughts racing in his mind. He knows youâre right. At some point, his parents will have to find out, and itâd be better for them to find out now. Sunghoon sighs, nodding. âAlright,â he concedes. âIâll take you back.â
An angry laugh comes out of you as you shake your head. âNo need, Iâll walk.âÂ
The station youâre at is neatly nestled in the middle of nowhere, on a road so narrow heâs not even sure it has a pavement. Youâre halfway through the three-hour drive, so thereâs no telling how long the walk would be, never mind the fact that the sun is already setting and itâs deep enough into October for the wind to sting.Â
âFrom here?â he asks, incredulous.Â
âYes, open the boot so I can get my bag.âÂ
Sunghoon can only bring himself to say your name, a desperate whisper.Â
âOpen the boot.â
He repeats your name as if itâll make a difference, heâs pleading with you, beggingâthough he doesnât know for what.Â
You go to the back of his car where Sunghoon joins you, a pit in his stomach when you step away. With misty eyes, you look up at him and his heart breaks. âPlease.â
Sunghoon knows you well enough to know that youâre not actually going to attempt the walk home but also knows that you wonât back down if he keeps challenging you. He nods, opening the boot for you and getting into the driverâs seatâyour move.Â
You stand there, unmoving, and long enough passes that he thinks youâll actually leave. The boot closes softly and you join him in the passenger seat. You sigh, buckling your seatbelt. âLetâs just get this over with.âÂ
For the rest of the journey, you sit in silence as Sunghoon briefs you on the relationship, fighting a smile as he thinks about being your boyfriendâeven if only for a night. You scoff when he âremindsâ you that youâve been together for four months now and the only reason you havenât been able to come home recently is that your schedules donât match up very well anymoreâwhich couldnât be further from the truth as, before term started, you went out to celebrate the fact that your class schedules couldnât be more suited for seeing each other.Â
Finally, at Sunghoonâs childhood home, the two of you smile and laugh for his parents before going to bed. Your relationship has only made his mother more averse to the idea of you sharing a room under her roof than she had been when you were younger. Heâs relieved about this, and in the solitude of his bedroom, he lies on the duvet of his twin bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about the last few hours.Â
With his parents, youâd sat up in the living room watching TV. They sat on the couch together, his mum nestled in his dadâs side, while you two sat on the couch opposite, mirroring their position. If your complete stiffness was anything to go by, you were less than comfortable with his arm around you and Sunghoon felt terrible for begging you to go along with this. It was after midnight when you all went upstairs and you let him kiss your forehead before all but slamming the door to the guest room in his face. His heart twirled and his mum beamed at him before saying goodnight again.Â
Now, at 3 a.m. he canât sleep. Flinching at the knock on his door, he furrows his brows and goes to open it. Itâs you. Standing there with your hair scraped away from your face in one of his t-shirts. Your eyes are red, brimmed with tears as you step into his room and sit on his bed.Â
He closes the door softly, heart aching at the sight of you so upset, and when he sits next to you, his heart tears apart because you move over, putting a distance between you. It falls out of his chest onto the floor when he realises youâre not wearing your necklace.Â
Sunghoon suspected you might have stopped wearing it, it only made sense that if you didnât want him, you wouldnât want the necklace he bought for you either, but at least earlier, your sweatshirt sat so high he couldnât see if you had it on or not.Â
It was a gift for your sixteenth birthday, after your first heartbreak. He was so upset and angry that you let some loser hurt you that way, upset and angry that someone could be loved by you and fuck it up. Sunghoon was inspired by Jay, whoâd gotten a pretty necklace for his girlfriend, and talked about her cute reaction for weeks, how happy she was to have a piece of him with her all the time. It was a locket, with a picture of Jay in one side and a picture of her in the other so the pictures would kiss when she wore it.Â
While at the jewellers with Jake, Sunghoon thought something like that might be a bit much for the two of you and eventually picked out an equally pretty piece with his first initial on it. He wrote a corny note to put in the box, something about how âboys come and go but Sunghoon is foreverâ and gave it to you with trembling hands a few nights laterâit was the first time he ever made you cry. Immediately, he thought heâd done something wrong and was ready to snatch the box and run back to the jewellers (even though he trashed the receipt). You hugged him and told him you loved him. Sunghoonâs been riding that high ever since.Â
Until tonight at least.Â
âAre you okay?â he whispers.Â
âIâll do it, Hoon.â Your eyes lift from the floor to meet his gaze. âFor as long as you need me to, Iâll pretend.â
As soon as the words leave your mouth, Sunghoon feels lighter, an unbearable weight slipping from his shoulders. You havenât called him âHoonâ in ages, and he canât tell if youâve said it out of vulnerability, or even noticed that youâve said it at all, but it warms his heart nonetheless. However, heâs not fully at ease, still curious about your sudden change of heart and why youâre crying.Â
âWhat happened?â
You pull him into a hug, and his eyes bulge out of his head. âIt doesnât matter,â you say, the words muffled by the skin at the base of his neck.Â
For as long as heâs known you, youâve smelled like vanilla, a sweet warmth that grounds him. Yet itâs only after these months apart that heâs able to put a name to the sensation: home. The realisation of how much heâs missed this feeling, missed you, floods him with a rush of emotion so overwhelming he canât find the words to press the issue. A moment passes before he remembers to hug you back, his arms finally wrapping around you, pulling you close, and you sink into his hold. Months ago, he would have kissed the top of your head and mumbled reassurance into your hair, but tonight, Sunghoon settles for stroking the back of your head and hopes itâs enough.Â
âYou can talk to me, you know? You can always talk to me.â
A heavy silence follows, sharp as a daggerâscraping his skin, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge and lodging itself between his shoulder blades. Sunghoonâs breath hitches in his throat when you cling onto him even tighter, shifting so close youâve had to settle in his lap. His heart races in his chest, pounding a rhythm so loud it fills the room.Â
Finally, you speak, assuring him that you know and that youâre okay. At this, Sunghoon holds you as tight as he can, and neither of you speaks for the rest of the night. You fall asleep like this, in his arms, so deeply that you donât even stir when he lies down.Â
Rubbing your back, he watches the clock on his nightstand, the piercing green LED digits cycling through two whole hours right before his stinging eyes until you wake up. Sunghoon presses his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep when you kiss his cheek and leave his room.Â
For the entire morning, you stay in your room, and although Sunghoon is concerned, he decides not to bother you. In the afternoon, he sits at the dining table with his mum, listening as she talks about work. When she asks him, he gets up to make a cup of tea for her. Itâs at that moment when you finally come downstairs, looking so effortlessly pretty. Your hair is still damp from the shower, and youâre bundled up in one of his old sweatshirts. Thereâs a bright grin on your face that leaves his heart thudding.Â
âBaby!â you squeal when you see him, charging towards him and wrapping your arms around him from behind. âGood morning.â Your words are muffled against the back of his t-shirt, and the four-letter word, and the sugar coating it, make his cheeks burn.Â
âItâs great to see you too, YN,â his mum says with a smile. âMy night was amazing; I slept very well and had no dreams.âÂ
You let go of Sunghoon and walk over to the table, kissing his mum on the cheek and wishing her a good morning as well. âSorry, mum, how are you?âÂ
His mother doesnât seem to have the heart to correct you either, allowing your 3 p.m. âgood morningâ to go unnoticed.Â
Sunghoon carefully fills both mugs to the brim and, with extra caution, carries them to the table. He places a steaming cup of peppermint tea in front of his mum and a milky coffee in front of you. A warm smile spreads across your face as you mouth a âthank youâ, and his knees turn to jelly.Â
The next day, after eating an early dinner with his parents at the table, the four of you go out on a walk along the bike path you used to take for school. His parents have gone ahead, not intentionally, but because Sunghoon canât stop you from dragging your feet.Â
As with most things in the town where you grew up, nothing about the trail has changed. The leaves are yellowing in standard form for the season, and crunching under his feet with each step he takes. The only foreign experience is the silence that youâre determined to uphold. Everything Sunghoon says to you is met with either a hum, a nod, or no acknowledgement at all. At this point, he feels like he could drop dead at your side and the most youâd do is step over his body like a fallen branch.Â
After letting you go ahead, the weathered slats of the wooden footbridge sag in the middle under his tread. Itâs been like this for as long as he can remember and he wonders how nothing has been done about it. The stream rushes under it, loud and unruly, the smell of wet grass both comforting and suffocating as you look over the railing. Itâs like something from a postcard, the low-hanging branches sweeping back and forth under the breeze, the grass lush and green around the path, murky water thrashing against the mud and rocks underneath with you in the middle of the frame, peering over the edge.
You keep walking when Sunghoon approaches, leaving him alone on the creaky bridge with nothing but the ache in his chest. He looks up, staring at the grey clouds in the sky through the gaps in the leaves, and sighs.Â
Eventually, he catches up with you, grabbing your hand and locking his fingers with yours when his parents slow down. You stiffen, looking up at him with cut eyes and a creased brow. âWhat are you doing?â
Sunghoon matches your clipped tone. âHolding my girlfriendâs hand.âÂ
âNo oneâs looking, boyfriend.â
âYou think my parents arenât going to wonder why weâre lagging behind?âÂ
A scoffâyour fingers remain defiantly stiff. âDo you think your parents are going to care whether or not weâre holding hands?âÂ
âMy mum might after the show you put on yesterday afternoon, baby.â Bitterness covers the word like a blanket, a stark departure from how you said it.Â
A long sigh rumbles its way out of you before you fix your lips into a strained grin. âSorry, sweetheart, this is my first time pretending to be in love.âÂ
As your words hang in the air, Sunghoonâs emotions brew like a storm within him. Frustration gnaws at his patience. All hopes for a smooth week are dashed, though determination simmers in his chest with a strong resolve to make this work, to fix your relationship. It doesnât stop the sharp pang of hurt piercing his stomachâhe knows you donât feel the same way, he knows youâre faking, but the word âpretendingâ hits him like a truck anyway.Â
âWe held hands all the time when we were friends,â he points out.
Your smile drops immediately, hurt flashing behind your eyes. âYeah, and now weâre not.âÂ
If there was a competition for who could hurt Sunghoonâs feelings the most, youâd be a shoo-in for first place. With distinction.Â
âExactly!â he says, feeling the sting of his own words. âBecause now weâre dating.â
At the sight of his mum turning around, you switch up in an instant. Lock your fingers with his, wrapping an arm around his bicep, leaning into him, giggling. Itâs forced but his parents are far enough away that all that matters is the curve of your lips.
âYou two okay back there?â she asks.Â
âPerfect! I feel like a kid again!â you call back, beaming up at Sunghoon in a way that makes his stomach flutter even though it doesnât meet your eyes.Â
The two of you donât talk at all when you get home, with you hugging his parents goodnight and running up the stairs.Â
âSheâs not feeling too well,â he explains, nodding when his dad tells him to make you some tea.Â
His parents spend the whole day at work, and you spend the whole day following him around like a shadow until the evening when they return. He doesnât pretend not to like it.
Sunghoon helps you make dinner, turning leftover rice into fried rice with the help of some eggs and vegetables. Itâs nice moving around the kitchen with you, watching you scramble eggs in his t-shirt and bump his hip with a playful frown when he eats some of the peppers youâre chopping.Â
His parents watch from the table, cooing over the two of you and he does his best to fight the blush forming on his cheeks and neck. Embarrassed, he hugs you from behind, hiding his face in your neckâthe scent of your coconut conditioner mixing with your vanilla perfume doesnât do anything to stop the flush.Â
Over a bottle of wine, the four of you eat together at the table, swapping stories about your days. Sunghoon tries to hide his surprise as you lie about the time you spent at the play park by your primary school, competing for height on the swings and spinning on the roundabout until you couldnât stand up. You grin at him, and it meets your eyes as you hold his hand under the table, and kiss his cheek.
After eating, his parents head upstairs, leaving to clean up together. You hum a song heâs never heard as you load the dishwasher, carefully placing the plates and cutlery in the rack, shaking your head when he hands you the glasses youâd used.Â
âLeave ours,â you say. âIf you want.âÂ
Sunghoon nods, putting them back on the table, where you sit in the seat across from the one he was sitting in. He sits too, staying quiet rather than saying the wrong thing. You donât speak either. Itâs reminiscent of the pastâthe hours youâd spend in the same room, only speaking to share a funny post youâd come across or to ask if you were hungry.Â
His eyes track your movementsâreaching for the half-empty bottle on the table to pour yourself another glass, filling it to the brim. Before putting it down, you offer him some, filling his glass too when he nods. The three glasses of wine heâs already had must be the reason he wants to reach across the table and hold your hand, run his thumb over the soft skin on the back of it.Â
Sunghoon doesnât know why youâve been so nice to him all day or why it makes his chest hurt.Â
âYou know you donât have to be nice to me when weâre alone, right?â The words come out before he can stop them.
Over the top of your glass, your brows knit together. A sound of confusion, a low hum, comes from your throat as you try to finish your sip. âWhat?â you ask finally.Â
âI only asked you to do this because of my parents, you know? You donât have to sit or talk with me when theyâre not around.âÂ
Sunghoonâs known you long enough to recognise the look that flashes across your face. The way your eyes narrow and your brows tug together, the little pout that sets on your lips before you speak; youâre hurt.
âWhy canât I just be nice to you because itâs the right thing to do?âÂ
Because it hurts, is what he wants to say. He wants to cry, to beg you to forget everything he said that day. âBecause I donât want to make you any more uncomfortable than I already have.â Is what he settles for.Â
Your face softens. âI donât feel uncomfortable around you, Hoon. We were best friends for ages, I donât think you could ever make me uncomfortable.â You pause to take a gulp of wine. âWhy canât I just want to be nice to you?âÂ
Sunghoon has to chew on his cheek to distract himself from how much your word choice stings. The implications of were and all of your past tense. âIâm sorry,â he says.Â
âWhat for?âÂ
âEverything.âÂ
Thereâs a sadness in the way you run your fingers on the base of your glass. The way you chew on your lip, how your hair falls when you tilt your head and how it moves when you shake it. âItâs not your fault,â you say. âI donât know anyone who would choose to have unrequited feelings for their best friend.âÂ
Wow, he thinks. Youâre on a roll. Sunghoon wonders if youâre meticulously choosing your phrasing to upset him. Wonders why you feel the need to remind him that his feelings arenât reciprocated as if he didnât live through and spend hours reliving the day he confessed.Â
âBut I didnât have to tell you about it. It was unfair of me to spring that on you when I knew about Yeonjun.âÂ
âDid you.. did you think I was going to leave him for you?âÂ
âMaybe?â Sunghoon chews on his lipâhe has no idea what he thought would happen. âI think I thought I loved you enough for both of us, that you might play the part for fun or out of curiosity, and.. I donât know, just learn to love me.â
âHoon,â you whisper, frowning. âHow could you even think about settling for something like that?âÂ
Sunghoon shrugs. âItâs not settling if itâs you.âÂ
Silence takes a seat at the table after he speaks, interrupted only by the ticking clock on the wallâa glittery mess of scrapbooking paper and washi tape layered over each other that Yeji had decorated at summer camp years ago. Youâre picking at your fingernails, letting flecks of black polish fall to the table, stark against the varnished oak.Â
âI know itâs not my place to ask,â Sunghoon starts after a while, hesitant and only continuing when you nod. âBut what did Yeonjun say when you told him? About.. everything?âÂ
You take a long sip from your glass and sit quietly for so long that he thinks youâre not going to answer himâhe doesnât blame you.Â
âI didnât.âÂ
He waits for you to elaborate. You donât.Â
Sunghoon nods slowly, deciding not to ask any follow-up questions. Instead, he takes another drink, scrunching his nose at the bitter taste. âHe didnât ask why we stopped hanging out?â he blurts out.
âI told him we fell out but I didnât say why.â You shrug, but your posture is stiff.Â
âWhere did you tell him you were going to be this week?â He knows itâs not his business at all, that heâs pushing your boundaries, but he canât help his curiosity.
âNowhere.âÂ
âYou told him you were staying on campus?âÂ
âI didnât tell him anything.â Your gaze shifts, avoiding his as you toy with the stem of your glass. You drum your nails against it, letting the dull clink ring out.Â
âSo you just left?âÂ
âDoes it make a difference to you?âÂ
Sunghoon nods.
For a while, you tug at the drawstrings on your hoodie, pursing your lips to the side, considering this. âYeonjun and I arenât together anymore.â Your admission is so shocking that Sunghoonâs jaw drops. He tries to cover his surprise by coughing, his tongue sticking out like a small child. âI didnât want to say anything because I didnât want you to think it was because of you.âÂ
Sunghoonâs thoughts move at lightspeed, too fast for him to catch onto any of them and process this information. His emotions compete with each otherâdisbelief, guilt, and a painful glimmer of hope he hadnât dared to acknowledge until now all at the forefront.Â
âWas it?â he asks. âBecause of me?âÂ
You scoffâan incredulous sound that doesnât match the sad look on your face. âI donât know, Sunghoon. Do you think my boyfriend used me to make his ex jealous because of you?â
Heâs not sure what he expected you to say, but this is.. Complete disbelief eclipses him as his heart sinks in his chest, shock, and guilt bubbling in his stomach.Â
âIâm sorry,â he says after too long. âThat I wasnât there. That I havenât been there.âÂ
âYou didnât know,â you say, gaze softening as you look up at him.Â
âBut I made you feel like you couldnât talk to me about it.âÂ
You shake your head. âI made me feel like I couldnât talk to you about it. All you did was change the friendship, Iâm the one who ended it.â
âI still shouldâve been there.âÂ
âYouâre here now, right?âÂ
Sunghoon nods, earnestly. âAlways.âÂ
Only one thing comes to mind when you repeat the word âalwaysâ before taking a sip from your glass, downing its contents. Sunghoon gets up and crosses the room with wobbly steps to open the fridge, where he pulls out as many bottles of soju as he can hold in his hands and puts them down on the table. He goes back to collect some glasses from the cabinet, puts some of the leftover fried rice from dinner into the microwave, and brings it all over when itâs done, with bowls and utensils. You watch him with a fond smile as he opens a bottle and he hopes you think the flush on his cheeks is from all the drinking youâve been doing.Â
âIs it bad that Iâve missed doing this?â Youâre grinning now.
Sunghoon shakes his head, raising his glass. âTo YNâs fifteenth heartbreak.âÂ
You grin, clinking the rim of your glass against his. âTo YNâs fifteenth heartbreak,â you repeat.Â
Both of you down the glasses, and Sunghoon refills them, pouring the soju with an oddly steady hand. As you eat spoonfuls of rice and sip your drinks, silence settles over the room. The soft glow of the kitchen lights forms a warm ambience, a cosy familiarity that brings up simple memoriesâdoing homework together at the table while gossiping about your classmates, the first New Year after you were both eighteen and had your first drink with his parents.Â
For at least an hour, the only sounds are the occasional clinks of forks against bowls, glasses hitting the table, the faint hum of the refrigerator and the steady tick of Yejiâs clock. Sunghoonâs eyes meet yours, and he canât help but notice the slight change in your expression when they do.Â
You clear your throat, running a hand through your hair. âThis is my sixteenth, actually.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
You take a small sip of soju, staring down at the table. âMy fifteenth heartbreak was losing you. Yeonjun is my sixteenth.â
In the two days since your soju ceremony, Sunghoon finds himself sinking into the role of your boyfriend like a hot bath. But thereâs no use pretending it doesnât hurt. Pretending it doesnât hurt when you kiss his cheek before bed, or when you reach out to push the hair out of his face or snuggle into his side on the couch; because it does hurtâa lot. It hurts to think that in three days when you put your bags in the boot of his car, youâll sit in silence all the way home. When he drops you off at your flat, youâll close the door in his face and stop talking to him again. These realisations are harder to confront when heâs alone in his room, like now.Â
About an hour ago, you asked if you could borrow his car, saying there was something you needed to do on your own. It seemed important, so he handed over his keys with no question. Sighing, Sunghoon gets up from his bed and heads to the shower, where he jerks off to clear his mind. On his way back to his room, he notices the light leaking from the open kitchen door that illuminates the landing.Â
He hears the lock on the front door clicking, and stands at the top of the stairs, dripping water onto the carpet while listening attentively. His ears perk up when he hears a gaspâhis mother.Â
âWhatâs this for?â she asks.Â
âI just..â You trail off. âI know itâs not much, but I wanted to thank you both for always looking after me.â You pause, and Sunghoon holds his breath, waiting. Your voice trembles as you continue. âItâs been hard since my parents went back home, and I guess it was still hard when they were here, but you both supported me. I donât think I couldâve managed without you guys. I want to make you guys proud, you know? And Iâm trying, really, so this is me saying thank you. Iâm sorry it took me so long.âÂ
He grips the railing by the landing, digging his nails into the wood until they start hurtingâan ache in his fingertips that makes him wince.Â
An odd feeling settles in his stomach, a bittersweetness tinged in his fondness for you, and the gentle shock of realising how much his parents have done for you. Growing up, you became an honorary member of Sunghoonâs family. His parents showered you with gifts during holidays and birthdays, which you often celebrated with them rather than your own family.Â
The memory of your parentsâ sudden decision to move across the country still lingers, and Sunghoon vividly recalls the tearful conversation he overheard at the top of the stairs. Your parents understood the enormity of their request but had earnestly asked if Sunghoonâs parents could continue looking after you.Â
His chest tightens when you start crying.Â
âYou donât have to thank us for anything, sweetie. Just you being here and taking care of our boy is more than enough thanks. You never forget our birthdays, and you always come and visit when you can. Youâre doing a great job, and you should give yourself some credit,â his dad says, a little choked up. âWeâve always been proud of you.âÂ
Sunghoonâs eyes sting with tears and his skin gets dry in the spots where the water from the shower is evaporating. He presses his fingers to his closed eyes, forcing a few tears to fall and walks the rest of the way to his room with his eyes shut. He canât hear anything through his closed bedroom door, which he decides is a good thing as he coats himself in moisturiser and swipes deodorant under his arms with intention to spend the whole night alone. Once heâs dressed, he gets into bed and pretends not to be bothered by the way his wet hair dampens his pillow. Under the duvet, he tosses and turns before sighing and heading to Yejiâs room.
In her absence, the roomâs subtle transformation is stark. The sage green-painted walls, once a backdrop to the A3 faces of Wave to Earth and Beabadoobee, now bear the faint imprints of those missing posters. Tiny, shadowy rectangles are the only remnants of the 6x4-sized pictures of her and her friends, of her and Sunghoon, that she took away with her to school.
Her hairdryer is still on her desk where sheâd left it for him to use and he sits in her stiff wooden chair, plugging it in. The airflow starts immediately, hot and loud, humming throughout the space as he runs his fingers through his wet hair, feeling cosy under the heat. His shampoo is fresh and soapy scented under his nose, and his reflection watches him in Yejiâs mirror, eyes red and concerned while his hair blows around his head. Sunghoon closes his eyes and finishes his hair, sighing as he lets his worries slip under the whir of the fan.Â
Finished, he shuts off the dryer and opens his eyes, flinching at your reflection in the doorway behind him with a soft smile on your face. âMum and Dad are going to open a bottle of wine if you want to join,â you say, meeting his eyes in the mirror.Â
Sunghoon canât find it in himself to speak, only nodding in response. You smile wider but donât move. He unplugs the hairdryer and leaves it on the desk where he found it before crossing the room. Without giving himself a chance to think about it, he pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head, smiling into your hair when you wrap your arms around his waist, holding him closer.Â
Youâre sitting on the edge of the bathtub, mumbling sleepily that youâre never going to drink again, and Sunghoon leans over the sink brushing his teeth, heâs glad you have the decency to cover your mouth as you speak.Â
âBrush your teeth and go back to sleep then,â he mumbles around his toothbrush.Â
You donât respond.Â
Sunghoon sighs through his nose, spitting foamy toothpaste into the sink, leaving bubbly, blue splatters on the porcelain. âAnd quit staring at me, I can feel your beady little eyes on the back of my neck and itâs freaking me out.âÂ
âBut youâre so pretty,â you coo.Â
Thereâs a flutter in his stomach and he rinses off the sink and his mouth, buying himself some time. With a hand on the Listerine, he lifts his gaze to meet yours in the mirror and stops short. Youâre still staring at him, features soft and glowing under the afternoon light. You look like an angel; a gentle smile spreading over your lips, and a sleepy glint sparkling in your eyes, wide and gorgeous as you watch him. Sunghoon gulps, mumbling his thanks and looking back at himself. He hopes you canât see the flush on his cheeks.Â
âGo back to sleep,â he says.Â
âWill you come and lie down with me if I do?â Your voice is a sleepy drawl, coming out in a slow, high-pitched slur, and your eyes are closing on themselves.Â
Lying down doesnât sound like a terrible idea, especially not if itâs with you, so he nods. âIf you brush your teeth, then yeah, baby, Iâll lie down with you.âÂ
You chuckle softly at Sunghoonâs agreement, the sound carrying a mix of exhaustion and genuine amusement, showing no repulsion to him calling you the B-word. He didnât mean to, itâs been a confusing few days. You nod, saluting to him and getting up to join him by the sink, using your hip to bump him out of the way, but he feels like heâs glued to the spot.Â
âMove, baby,â you mumble sleepily, reaching for your toothbrush. âWe can cuddle in my bed,â you suggest, to which Sunghoon only nods, taking your words as a cue to unstick his feet from the floor and go to your room, playing the word âbabyâ on a loop in his head.Â
He stands in the doorway staring at your bed, the duvet is all crumpled in the middle, and the pillows are in an L shape at the top corner. He sighs, he canât go on like this, canât stand around hoping even a tiny part of you called him âbabyâ and it meant something for you as it did for him. Itâs not fair for him to project his feelings on you like this, but he canât help it. Youâre already pretending for his parents, so would it be so bad to pretend for his sake as well? Even if only until the day after tomorrow when you leave?Â
The sound of the bathroom door shutting behind you snaps him out of his thoughts, your bright smile making his heart race when you tug him by the sleeve to your bed where the mattress dips underneath you as you curl into his form, resting your head on his chest and falling asleep. Youâve shared the bed before, countless times, but he knows youâve only asked him because youâre tired. Because your brain is foggy with drowsiness that clouds your judgement, not because you want him there, not because you miss him when heâs two doors down the hall, tossing and turning at night thinking about you. He wonders absently if you can feel his aching heart beating through his chest, a painful, yet all too familiar rhythm that pulls his own eyes shut, plunging him into a deep sleep too.
Itâs dark in the room when he wakes up, the sun already down behind the curtains and the soft yellow of the bedside lamp casting a glow around the space. Youâre staring up at him, smiling and you donât look away when he catches you. âWhat is it?â he asks, voice thick with sleep.Â
âNothing,â you mumble. âI just missed you.â Sunghoon has no time to respond or even register what you said before you clear your throat, speaking again. âCome on, dadâs cooking tonight, heâll need help.âÂ
Helping Sunghoonâs dad with dinner always looks an awful lot like Sunghoon eating snacks on the kitchen counter and staring at you as you help his dad cook. Tonight is no exception, heâs sitting on the island, and his snack of choice is a family pack of Chilli Heatwave Doritos his mum bought for Yeji. Heâll have to remember to replace them before leaving seeing as heâs reaching the halfway point.Â
You go back and forth with his dad about measurements, with you rummaging through the drawers for measuring cups while his dad says itâs best to trust your gut. Reluctantly, you nod, chewing the inside of your cheek as you watch him eyeball the seasoning.Â
The gas stove turns the kitchen into an oven, and you complain about it while opening a window, pulling your hoodie over your head and leaving it in Sunghoonâs lap. Time stops when you grin at him, the light from the stove hood illuminating the necklace youâre wearing, his initial resting on your chest and glowing under the light. He chokes around a crisp when he sees it, catching your attention with his coughing.Â
âYouâll spoil your dinner, snacking like that, baby,â you scold, using a hand to push his knee. âWeâre almost done, I swear.âÂ
All he can do is nod, cheeks burning as he folds the crisp packet over before putting it back in the bread bin where he found it.Â
âWow,â his dad says, resting his hands on his hips and shaking his head in amusement. âBeing in love looks good on him, heâd never have listened if I said that.âÂ
Itâs already your last day when Sunghoon picks up Yeji from school. She grumbles for the entire half-hour drive and all the way to the front door about why the two of you couldnât have started the trip today instead of ending it, but all of her irritation dissolves when she sees you in the hallway, leaving the front door wide open to fling her arms around you. You and Yeji exchange compliments for a while â You look so pretty. No, you look so pretty. I love your hair. I love your hair. â as Sunghoon locks the door and watches with a smile.
âGod.â Yeji sighs, holding you by the waist and craning her neck up to look at you, as you push some of her hair from her face, pinning back her wispy bangs with the palm of your hand. Yeji giggles. âIâm so happy you two are together, even though I have no idea what a girl like you sees in my loser brother.âÂ
Sunghoon rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall. Despite his mild irritation at Yejiâs words, he finds the sight of you with her so adorable his stomach flutters. Over the top of Yejiâs head, you look at him with a fond smile. âHeâs not so bad.âÂ
It doesnât sound like a compliment, but Sunghoon takes it to heart.Â
Like always, Yeji manages to capture your undivided attention and the two of you giggle and whisper with each other all afternoon while Sunghoon watches, too enamoured by the sight to care about being left out. An hour or so passes like this, until his parents get home from work, excited to see Yeji after a few weeks, and you leave her side, coming to cuddle with Sunghoon instead.Â
Itâs nice being home with everyone, laughing and sharing a meal before his family walks the two of you to his car with at least a monthâs worth of cooked food for you to share at university. Yeji makes you pinky promise that she can visit you and waves with a pout on her face until the car is out of view.
Contrary to what heâd been expecting, the drive back is nice. Your playlist is on, and youâre telling him about all the new songs you added, catching him up on things with Chaewon and Yunjin, and all the things you got up to in the time you spent apart. You tell him about a new cafĂŠ that opened up near your place and how youâll have to go together when he has the time, and Sunghoon bites his tongue before telling you that he always has time for you. The first half of the trip goes on like this but you start dozing off around the halfway mark, your sentences becoming few and far between, eventually turning into half-mumbled thoughts that end prematurely.Â
Youâre still asleep when he reaches your flat, head propped up against the window with your soft lips parted, looking too pretty and cosy to wake up. Instead, he drives in circles around your block, deciding to wait for you to wake up on your own. It only takes a half-hour but you blink your eyes open, stretching your neck before looking around and out the car window, recognising the street. You donât say anything, only smiling when you look at him, a small curve of your lips that makes his heart race.
He gets out of the car with you, opening the boot to get your bag before pulling you into his chest for a hug, liking the way your arms settle around his waist. âThank you,â he mumbles into your hair.Â
Sunghoon doesnât follow you when you take your bag from him, only watching from the back of his car. You donât notice until you reach the main door, looking over your shoulder and frowning at him. âArenât you going to walk me up?âÂ
The two of you walk in silence up four flights of stairs as the lift in your building is out of order. Your bag feels much heavier in his hand now than it did outside. At your door, he watches you dig around for your keys, sighing with relief when you find them.Â
âDo you want to come in?â you ask from your open doorway.
âIâuhâI have training in the morning and Iâm already pretty tired, so..â He trails off.
Unfazed, you nod. âRight, of course. I had fun this week.âÂ
âYeah, me too.âÂ
You smile at him, sweet and sincere. âText me when you get home, yeah?âÂ
Sunghoon nods, saying goodbye. Out of habit, he doesnât leave your doorstep until he hears the lock click shut, and walks back to his car with his head down.Â
True to his word, he sends you a text to let you know he got back to his place safely and you read it immediately but donât reply. Itâs empty in the apartment, Jake is out with his football team and the space is larger than usual in his absence. Far too tired to even consider going out and joining him, Sunghoon goes through his night routine, putting his phone on the charger and stepping into the shower where he spends entirely too long wishing he could live in this week forever as he scrubs his body. With brushed teeth and damp hair, he goes back into his room where his phone lights up with a notification; a text, from you.
YNđŤ: iâm glad you got home okay, i just got into bed :) i donât want to make you uncomfortable or overstep or anything and you can say no (obviously).. iâve been missing you so much and didnât know how to reach out or if you wanted me to but i had soooo much fun this week and spending time with you again made me happy, so iâd like it if we could keep hanging out, like before yk? ik itâs a long shot ahahaha but just say youâll think about it?Â
hoonie: Youâre not overstepping at all, Iâve missed you too, so bad. I had soooo much fun this week as well and Iâd like it a lot if we kept hanging out, thank you for agreeing and coming along đ If youâre free after Lit tmrw you could come over? Or we could go out and do something, whatever you prefer
hoonie: I missed you so much..Â
hoonie: đ¤
The texts greet you as the first rays of Monday morning light filter into your room, instantly lifting your mood. Your bright smile doesnât escape Chaewonâs notice as you find her in the kitchen, bathed in the soft light seeping through the sheer curtains. The kettle is boiling with a loud rumble that fills the whole room and leaves her yelling as she speaks to you.Â
âGood trip?â she asks, coming over and hugging you. âNever leave me for that long again,â she mumbles into your shirt.Â
âIt was a week, Wonie,â you say, rolling your eyes even though you missed her too.Â
She leans away, looking at you with knitted brows. âIt was nine days.âÂ
âThe longest of my life.âÂ
Chaewon pulls air through her teeth, tilting her head and releasing you. âThat bad, huh?â she asks, walking back to her seat at your tiny square table and shooting you a look that tells you to join her.Â
During your trip, you gave her nightly updates over text, so you know she knows how much you enjoyed yourself, but you elaborate anyway, sitting across from her.Â
âNo, not at all,â you say, shaking your head and trying to fight a smile. âI had fun.â As soon as the words leave your mouth, you have to bite your bottom lip to stop the grin curving them; it doesnât work.Â
Chaewon raises a suggestive brow, crossing her arms over her chest. âHow much fun?âÂ
âYouâre disgusting.âÂ
âI didnât even say anything!â she defends, holding her hands up. âI made an implication. It was only a matter of time, you two have that whole.. lifelong best friends to lifelong lovers thing going on, and itâs hot.âÂ
âShut up.âÂ
âYouâre telling me, you spent nine days playing lovers with Sunghoon and you still donât want him? Youâre a lost cause, people would kill for that chance,â she says, tilting her head. âI think I would kill for that chance.âÂ
âDonât touch him.â
âOh?âÂ
âJesus, Chaewon, itâs not like that. Hoonâs too sensitive for your roster.âÂ
âI never said it was like anything, youâre the one whoâs dangling me over the ledge for saying I want to fuck your hot best friend.âÂ
âSunghoon isnât hot; heâs..â You find yourself at a loss for words, unsure how to continue your lie. Of course, Sunghoon is hot, youâve known since you were seventeen and spent the summer at your grandparentsâ house, only to come back to find your previously scrawny best friend having ditched his LEGOs for dumbbells. You sigh. âJust leave him alone.â
Chaewon grins, eyes sparkling as she leaves the table. âOkay,â she says in a singsong voice, leaving you and the irritation in your stomach alone in the kitchen.
You sigh, pressing your eyes shut and trying to will away your discomfort. Itâs not like Chaewon would actually try anything with Sunghoon. Right? Even if she did, it wouldnât bother you, nor would it be any of your business. Theyâre grownups and reserve the right to explore their options. Still, thereâs a nagging feeling you canât shake, an uninvited guest in the back of your mind.Â
When you check your phone, you realise you have half an hour before you need to head to campus, so you leave to get ready and text Sunghoon back on the way to your room.
you: sounds good, see u later đ¤
After showering, you stand in front of your wardrobe, towel hanging from your body as you pick an outfit. For some reason, you feel under pressure, picking a pair of jeans that do the most for your ass and a low-cut top that Sunghoon once â drunkenly â said he loved on you.
You have the residual sting of mouthwash on your tongue, and one foot out the door when your phone vibrates in your hand.Â
hoonie: Do you want to head to class together?Â
you: sure! iâm omw out, where should i get you?Â
hoonie: .. Iâm outside your building :DÂ
Breathing a laugh through your nose, you donât fight the giddy smile on your face as you make your way downstairs to meet Sunghoon. Through the glass in the main door, heâs standing at the edge of the pavement and kicking a stone between his feet. The top of his puffer jacket covers the bottom half of his face, and the draught nips your skin when the door opens. Two girls you vaguely recognise stumble in with smudged makeup and heels in their hands, smiling at you while holding the door to let you out.
âHey!â you call out, jogging over to him.Â
Sunghoon turns around, his head poking out of his jacket to grin at you, holding a travel cup and an abundance of tinfoil in your direction.Â
âI wasnât sure if youâd have eaten anything yet, you donât normally in the morning,â he says, a sheepish smile spreading over his lips when you take it. âMatcha. Ham and cheese toastie.âÂ
âDid you make these?â you ask, inspecting the familiar cup and appreciating the warmth it provides.Â
He hums, nodding his head.
You ignore the heat spreading over your cheeks and thank him with a hug, grinning when he offers to hold your drink while you eat on the walk. The toastie is still hot, the cheese coming close to burning your tongue as you chew, but you appreciate it wholeheartedly, humming contently with each bite. When youâre done, you shove the foil into your pocket, taking your drink from him and smiling around the sweet taste of a matcha latte as he tells you about his schedule for the day.Â
âIâm meeting with Coach after class to talk about my grades, but Iâm all yours after that.âÂ
âTalk about your grades? Whatâs wrong with your grades?âÂ
Sunghoon groans, head falling back and highlighting the bump of his Adamâs apple. âMy grades are.. I failed my coursework this month, so I have resubmissions during finals, and I think heâll bench me if I fail again.âÂ
He sounds like heâs being serious, and if the look on his face is anything to go by, he is. The news creases your brows because for as long as you remember, Sunghoonâs grades were your parentsâ favourite point of comparison.
âReally?â you ask. He nods. âWhatâs up? Is something the matter?âÂ
A humourless laugh slips out of him before he pulls air through his teeth. âYeah, my best friend didnât talk to me for three months.âÂ
âOh..â Guilt stirs your stomach as you look up at him. âIâm sorry.â
âIâm not blaming you, itâs not like I was trying to talk and you ignored me.â He nudges your arm with his elbow, giving you a warm smile. âBut if you feel as guilty about it as you look, you can tutor me for Lit.âÂ
âDeal.âÂ
Sunghoon grins, wrapping his arm over your shoulders and holding you close; the action itself isnât unusual, but the increased heart rate it brings about is. âYouâre too good to me,â he says, holding onto you for the rest of the walk to class.
At his request, you sit with Sunghoon in the back row, watching as the lecture hall gradually fills up in front of you. He seems well-prepared, with his laptop and a small notepad and pen neatly arranged on the desk in front of him.
Throughout the class, your eyes inadvertently track his every move. He diligently types up colour-coded notes, occasionally pausing to write things in his notepad before continuing to type or stopping entirely to listen. Thereâs something melodic about his actions and the way his fingers run over the keyboard.Â
During a five-minute break, you glance at his screen. What you find is more than just lecture content; itâs a document adorned with Sunghoonâs own musings about Hemingwayâs style and carefully analysed quotations that go beyond the class discussion.
âHow are your notes so good?âÂ
âI picked up the book over the summer when you mentioned it,â Sunghoon replies with a shrug, a shy smile playing on his lips as he leans back in his seat. âI liked it.âÂ
A slow nod is your response, though your thoughts swirl like autumn leaves in a breeze. The last time Sunghoon read for leisure, you were in primary school, buddy reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid. But thisâthis is different. You canât help but stare at him, awestruck as you take him in. His eyes are wide, shining amber in the sunlight as he pushes some of his hair from his face, frowning when it falls back where it was.Â
âDonât look at me like that,â he mumbles.Â
Sunghoon takes a new line in his document and points at the screen where you watch the cursor move through the words heâs typing: I wouldâve read and annotated the Bible if you wanted me to..
Thereâs no time to digest what he wrote or the funny feeling in your chest as you reread it before he deletes the whole sentence, pressing his lips together and looking out the window. Speechless, you stare at his side profile, willing your heart rate to slip back to normal. Steep-sloping nose, plump lips flattened into a line, two points of the triangular mole constellation on his face. Analysis worsens your condition, breath hitching in your throat before stopping entirely. Warmth and trepidation blend within you, fuzzy enough at the edges to seem like one thingâa single force that makes your palm itch with desire, desperation, to reach out and run a finger over his features, feel the bump of the mole on his nose â the most prominent â against your skin.Â
You remain this way â silent, watching â even when your lecturer resumes the lesson, and Sunghoon starts typing, writing, and listening again. Polite enough to pretend he doesnât notice your gaze searing into his face.
After class, and his meeting with Coach, you let Sunghoon lead the conversation and the way to your flat, where you find Chaewon and Yunjin sitting on the couch, whispering to themselves while the two of you study at the coffee table. Itâs uncomfortable, an awkward height, too high for the way youâre sitting but you feel calm under the supervision of Chaewon and Yunjinâyou wonât do anything to merit teasing in front of them, no matter how badly you want to feel Sunghoonâs face in your hands or stroke his cheekbones with your thumbs.Â
To the best of your ability, you answer the questions he has for youâheâd written a ton in his tiny notepad during class, his own concerns clear with each neatly-penned iteration of: How to see actions/dialogue for what they are and not what I want them to be? written in the margins and you try not to feel heartbroken for him.
Three hours have passed by when you walk him to the door, the two of you wrapped up in a bubble so secure youâre surprised to find Chaewon and Yunjin still sitting on the couch. They donât say anything about Sunghoon in his absence, or the fact heâd given you his sweater when he noticed you were cold. Youâre not sure why their silence disappoints you.
Instead, Yunjin asks you about trivial things like dinner while Chaewon sits in silence.Â
âWhat flavour for ice cream?â Yunjin asks, rolling her eyes when you tug on the blanket but not complaining. âAnd donât say something ridiculous like mint chocolate, YN.âÂ
âThat happened once! And it was three years ago.. How was I supposed to know you hate fun?âÂ
Chaewon leans into you, letting you curl your limbs around her from behind as you rest your chin on her shoulder, liking the way her clean scent tickles your nose.Â
âMint-cho isnât that bad,â she starts. âItâs a little jarring, sure, but itâs kind of sweet. Like watching people come to terms with their feelings for each other.âÂ
You nod your head, humming in understanding and furrowing your brows when Yunjin scoffs, staring straight at you. Her tone is equal parts cutting and loving, so you know sheâs not trying to insult you, but donât know what she means when she says, âIt must be so nice to be as oblivious as you.âÂ
Yunjin never elaborates, and you never ask, actually feeling the statementâs journey in through one of your ears and out the other when dinner arrives. The three of you share pizza, ice cream, and secrets â the three pillars of 20-something-teenage-girlhood â at the kitchen table, with Chaewon sitting in your lap and picking pepperoni from your slices.Â
Itâs only hours after Yunijnâs gone home, that her words circle back to you, the statement and all of its weight perching on your chest with all the debilitation and persistence of a sleep paralysis demon.
âI think Iâm getting sick,â you say as soon as she opens her door. âItâs been coming on for a while now, at least a week, maybe more.âÂ
Unimpressed and exhausted, Yunjin looks down at you through half-closed eyes. âDo you..â She pinches the bridge of her nose, sighing. âDo you have any idea what time it is right now?âÂ
âYes. Itâs three a.m.âÂ
âExactly. See a doctor if youâre sick, Iâm going back to sleep.â
âThis is an emergenââ Yunjin cuts you off by pinching your lips together. âItâs three in the morning,â she reminds you. âYou canât yell like that in my hallway, come in.âÂ
You nod, crossing the threshold and taking off your shoes next to hers. âSorry,â you whisper when the door is closed.Â
Using her hand, Yunjin lifts your chin, squinting as her eyes adjust to the light when she flips the switch to inspect your face. âYou donât look or sound sick,â she mutters, flicking the light back off and going to her room. âWhat are your symptoms? And why did you come here?âÂ
You donât have an answer for her last question so you ignore it, following her and tripping over a pair of her shoes in the process. âMy cheeks start burning like crazy and my heart races, sometimes it gets hard to breathe.â
âYou seem fine to me.âÂ
A shoulder-slumping sigh slips from your lips. âThatâs the thing. Iâll be fine and then Sunghoon shows up with his pretty smile and perfect hair and I feel like Iâve run a marathon.â You know how it sounds, choosing your wording meticulously to let Yunjin be the one to say the words out loud instead of youâitâll be easier to confront that way.Â
From the doorway, you watch as she arches a brow, her interest piqued. âOh?âÂ
âI know.â You nod, head bobbing rapidly in furious agreement. âItâs only a matter of time before I cough up a lung and die in his bedroom.â
At your words, Yunjin doesn't reply, only lifting her duvet and getting cosy underneath. You feel like youâre glued to the spot, waiting for her to say something, anything, but nothing comes. All she does is pat the empty spot in her bed.Â
âWhat are you smirking for?â you ask, entering the room properly and closing the door.Â
Her response only comes after youâve taken your jacket and hoodie off, sitting next to her under the covers. âItâs nothing,â she says, laughing.Â
âTell me.âÂ
Yunjin sighs, resting a hand gently on your shoulder. You think itâs meant to be comforting but itâs the opposite. âYouâll be fine, I promise. Lovesickness isnât deadly.âÂ
Feeling the weight of her reassurance, you settle down properly and sigh when your head hits the pillow. Lovesickness. Hmm.Â
Closing your eyes, you try to sleep but canât help tossing and turning as Yunjin snores behind you. You pat blindly around the end table for your phone, grabbing it and wincing at the brightness of your screen. Chewing on your lip, you open Google, looking up âlovesicknessâ and frowning immediately at the results. Endless negativity fills the screen, terrifying words like âunrequited loveâ forming a pit in your stomach. Thereâs nothing negative about what you feel for Sunghoon, nothing unrequitedâyou think.Â
It was obvious during the trip, painfully so. In the way heâd tuck your hair behind your ear when his parents werenât there to see, or how he slipped up and called you âbabyâ in the bathroom, blushing when you said it back. You canât fake something like that.. Can you?
Yeonjun did.
Shaking your head, you open Instagram to distract yourself. Jakeâs story comes up first; heâs at a party where Jay is losing a game of beer pong, and at the other end of the table is Sunghoon grinning with a bright red lipstick kiss on his cheek. You lock your phone, using your hands to press on your belly to stop the stirring.Â
Oh, you think. Lovesickness.Â
When you wake up, the first thing you do is check Jakeâs story again. The video is still there and that terrible stir in your stomach churns on, burrowing deeply into a pit of canyon-like proportionâso vast thereâs a safety railing lining its edges.Â
You eat breakfast in silence with Yunjin, zoning out mid-chew to figure out the origin of these feelings and how to handle them. Suddenly, the moment hits you clear as day, vivid like youâre watching it on a screenâit was your third night at his parentsâ house, after your walk.Â
You felt bad about how you acted, and what you said, so went straight up to your room. With nothing but the bedside lamp turned on, it was dimly lit, shadows cast on the walls as you sulked, replaying everything in your head. Guilt wrapped its long arms around your body, making you feel sick as you thought about it all. About the hurt etched over his face with every word you said, and the frown that stuck around for the rest of the walk as his hand clung limply to yours.Â
There was a knock at the door, so gentle you almost missed it, and Sunghoon was standing there when you pulled it open, chewing on his lip with a mug in his hand. Steam skated over the opening, a rich chocolatey smell hitting your nose but the real kicker was the mug itself. In its place on Jake and Sunghoonâs mug tree, it was unassuming, a regular white mug, but upon meeting hot water, the face of young Sunghoon appeared, grinning with his tiny glasses on. It was a gift from one of his old coaches and though he never used it, it was your absolute favourite cup in the world.Â
You felt soft around the edges when you looked up at him, his eyes wide and unsure as you met his gazeâhe brought that mug three hours across the country so you could use it again. The thought shifted your heart into a comfortable position, settling in your chest with overwhelming warmth and an increased rate.Â
âHi,â you said, clearing your throat.Â
âHi,â he repeated, holding the mug out for you to take. âItâs still hot so be careful.âÂ
Nodding, you covered your hands with your sleeves, taking the cup from him and asking if he wanted to come in. Sunghoon nodded, shutting the door behind him and standing by the bed, watching you set the hot chocolate on the bedside table as you sat down. The two of you stayed like that for a while, with him only moving when you patted the spot next to you on the duvet. Your train of thought escaped you as soon as he sat down, the warmth of his familiar fresh, citrusy scent taking over and becoming the only thing you could register. The smell of summers with him, long days at the beach and short nights spent on the couch at random parties, cuddled into his side with his arm over your shoulders. The smell youâd come to associate with comfort and homeâwith Sunghoon.Â
âItâs not fair for me to treat you like shit just because Iâm annoyed, I shouldnât have spoken to you like that earlier. Iâm sorry.âÂ
A crease ran over Sunghoonâs thick brows as they tugged together, he shook his head. âYou donât have to apologise. I roped you into this whole thing and didnât even try to think about how you would feel. Iâm sorry.â His eyes carried a mix of regret and sincerity, mirroring the weight of his words.
âAnyway, I only came to bring you that,â he said, pointing at the cup. âAnd to check up on you, Iâll get out of your hair for tonight.â Sunghoon wiped his palms on his pants before standing up, reaching behind him to pick up the cloth he brought. For a moment, he stood there, staring down at it in his hand while you thought about telling him to stay, telling him that you wanted him in your hairâwhatever that meant. But he spoke before you had the chance. âYou left this, at mine, after.. well, you know. Iâm sure you left it intentionally, I mean it was folded up perfectly on the end of my bed, so I know you did, but it didnât feel right keeping it, you always wore it more than me.âÂ
Sunghoon extended his hand, holding it out to you and you knew exactly what it was as soon as the fabric touched your skin after so long. It was the shirt Jay bought him for Christmas in first yearâthey were roommates still trying to get a feel for each other. For a few weeks, Sunghoon had been pestering you about what he should get for Jay, saying it didnât feel right not to get him anything, and you suggested a targeted t-shirt, one youâd been laughing at all day after seeing an ad for it on your timeline. Sunghoon was sceptical, but bought the red shirt anyway, hoping Jay would find BEING DAD IS AN HONOUR, BEING PAPA IS PRICELESS funny. He did. And Jay bought Sunghoon a targeted shirt too, your favourite. It was black and two sizes too big, with I NEVER DREAMED IâD BE A SEXY FIGURE SKATER BUT HERE I AM KILLING IT written over the chest.Â
âGoodnight, YN,â Sunghoon said, crossing the room to leave but hesitating before closing the door. He poked his head through the opening and sighed. âI really am sorry.â
That night, you fell asleep in the shirt, the thinning, yet cosy, fabric wrapped around you like a hug as your heart started to beat a new rhythm, one that eerily echoed the five-foot-eleven figure skater who you let break it.Â
This morning, Yunjin claps her hands in your face, seeming irritated when you look over at her. âYou have class in an hour, what are you doing?â Before you have the chance to speak, realisation covers her face. âOh, the feelings.âÂ
You nod solemnly, too caught up in the butterflies raiding your stomach to come up with something to say.Â
At lightspeed, you scarf down the rest of your food, apologising for showing up so late as you head out the door. When you get home, you take the fastest shower of your life and feel grateful Chaewon isnât around to tease you about the smile you canât wipe from your face thinking about Sunghoonâyouâll text her later.
You run to campus, feeling the brisk autumn wind beating against your face while the rest of your body overheats under your jacket, hoodie and long sleeve. Despite the discomfort and ache in your lungs, you donât stop until you reach the door of your lecture hall, huffing and puffing into the faces of classmates who donât take any notice. Of course, in a stroke of pure luck, your lecturer is late, and you realise bitterly, that all of your huffing and puffing was in vainâyou would have gotten to class with time to spare even if you walked.
Itâs not a total waste though; you use the time to update Chaewon.Â
you: i have news wonie.. i like sunghoon
wonie: âŚâŚâŚâŚâŚ.. fork in the kitchen yn whatâs the news?Â
wonie: OHHHH news to YOU.. can i call?Â
She calls you immediately. You answer without thinking because your lecturer still hasnât arrived, and thereâs no one sitting close enough to hear or notice you taking a call.Â
âAre you going to tell him?!â Chaewonâs voice is so loud you wince, pulling the phone away from your ear.Â
âI donât know.â You shrug even though she canât see you, still holding the device at a distance just in case. âI donât have any confirmation that he still.. likes me. Itâs been a while, and I was pretty mean that day.Â
Chaewon groans and you can picture her throwing herself onto her bed, exasperated. The rustling that comes through the receiver only frames the image, hanging it up. âDid you have to tell him to get a grip?âÂ
âYou know..â You trail off, chewing on your bottom lip. âIn hindsight, probably not.âÂ
A beat passes, sheâs thinking. âDonât worry,â she says. âIâll help you.âÂ
âI.. have never been so worried in my life.â You sigh, picking at your freshly painted nails. âBut I know youâll do something no matter what I say, so do what you want, Wonie, but please be subtle about it.âÂ
Chaewon squeals down the phone. âI love youuuuu!â And itâs the last thing she says before kissing the mic a few times and hanging up.Â
Slumping in your seat, you donât have any time to stress about Chaewonâs plans because your lecturer walks in, with a travel cup in her hand and a paperback tucked under her arm.Â
She apologises for being late, running a hand through her hair as she announces that youâll be watching a film, an adaptation of a book you read at the start of termâIan McEwanâs Atonement. You spend the first hour of the movie falling in and out of sleep until a text comes through from Sunghoon, and sheer excitement keeps you up.
hoonie: Wanna study together after class?Â
you: of course!!!!!!Â
hoonie: đ¤
The rest of the movie goes by in a drag, and you come away from it with a mild irritation towards Saoirse Ronan.
you: class just finished, heading to lib rnÂ
hoonie: Shit, still in the locker room, sorry !!! Omw, can you get a table?Â
you: iâll try..
It takes a while but you find an empty booth on the second floor, and set your bag on the plush green seat to take pictures of your surroundings to send to Sunghoon. You sit on the side facing the stairs so he can see you when he arrives. The thought of seeing him makes your heart race and you try out a few natural-seeming poses for when heâs here, cycling between resting your palm under your chin and sitting with your arms crossed a few times until the top of his head comes into view.Â
Seeing him knocks the wind out of you as he approaches the staircase, taking them two at a time with his damp hair clinging to his forehead and neck. It doesnât help that heâs wearing a tight black vest, and his sweats are hanging low on his hips. A breath you didnât realise you were holding slips out when he lifts his head, spotting you immediately as a grin spreads over his lips and he raises his arm to wave, the veins in his forearm peeking out to say hi too. You canât tell if itâs his lack of winter wardrobe or your newfound appreciation for him thatâs making his biceps look so huge but itâs hard to look away, even when he reaches the table.Â
âAre you hot?â you blurt out.Â
Sunghoon laughs, raising a brow and something about the way heâs looking down at you makes your cheeks burn. âDepends whoâs asking.â He takes his backpack off, leaving it on the table as he sits down, dumping his jacket and hoodie in a pile beside him.
âIâm asking,â you mumble.Â
âThen, yeah, Iâd hope so.âÂ
Is he flirting? It sounds like heâs flirting. Flirt back! âNice arms.âÂ
He looks down at his biceps for a beat before looking at you warily. âAre you flirting with me?â He canât fight the smile twitching at the corners of his lips but he tries his best, pressing them into a straight line.
âA little. They are nice though,â you admit.
Sunghoon grins. âThanks, Iâve had them for a while now.â
You canât come up with anything to say, too distracted by the way his smile reaches his eyes, lighting up his whole face and forcing a flustered heat to spread over your cheeks and neck. Itâs only when you look away from him that you remember what youâre here for. Itâs a study date, not a study dateâthereâs a difference.Â
You hand Sunghoon the material youâd printed for him over the weekend, excerpts from texts youâd studied in class, so he can practise close reading and proper citation. As he makes his way through them, you canât help stealing glances, smiling at the way his tongue sticks out a little while he focuses, or how he twirls his pen in his fingers while heâs thinking. You arenât making the best use of your time together, copying out the slides from class yesterday, but you canât help noticing the way he watches you when he thinks you canât see. The small smile on his face while he does so only flusters you, an odd weakness settling in your knees as your cheeks heat up.Â
After a while, Sunghoon sighs, running a hand through his hair. âCould you stop watching me?â
âIf you noticed me watching, that means youâre watching me.âÂ
He shrugs, chewing on his lip. âWell, yeah. Iâm always watching you,â he says like itâs a given. âBut you donât normally watch back, itâs distracting.âÂ
âYouâre distracting.â
A playful smile curves his lips as he arches a brow, smugness painting his face. âAm I?âÂ
Too scared to verbalise your response, you nod slowly, hoping you donât look as wound up as you feel.Â
Sunghoonâs eyes flick over your face, flashing with something you donât recognise. At least not from him. He sits back in his seat, assessing you and eventually shaking his head.Â
âYou know,â he says, eyes glowing with something you do recognise: cockiness. âIf my sexy arms are getting to you that much, I can always put my hoodie back on. Wouldnât want my little tutor getting distracted, would I?âÂ
Oh.Â
Your stomach turns with want, mind reeling from his tone and the way his gaze lands on your lips. Sighing, you roll your eyes and try to seem unaffected. âSunghoon, I never said your arms were sexy.âÂ
His phone starts to go off, buzzing against the table and he turns it over immediately, screen down on the surface as he shifts his focus back to his work. He chews on his lip while he does, eyes flicking back and forth between his phone and the words on the page. Curious, you lean over the table, elbows propped up as you rest your chin in your hands. He doesnât spare you or his phone, which vibrates another four times, a glance.
âAre you going to get that?âÂ
Sunghoon shakes his head. âItâs nothing.âÂ
You hum, letting just enough curiosity seep into the sound that heâll elaborate without being asked to. It doesnât take long for him to deliver.
âItâs just Chaewon,â he says, running his hand through his hair and lifting his head. Sunghoon smiles. âWeâve been texting a lot these days.âÂ
âCool.â You nod a few times, aiming for nonchalance but hitting bobblehead as you wait for him to continue. He doesnât, only humming in response, nodding too.Â
After a beat, he picks up his phone, angling it just high enough that you canât see the screen. He reads the messages, an exhaled laugh coming from his nose as the tips of his ears reddenâFuck. This is worse than you thought.Â
Chaewonâs commitment to girl code runs deepâsheâs been rebuffing Jake since first year when she overheard a girl sheâd never seen before telling her friends she thought he was cute. So you know without having to read the texts that nothing sheâs saying is even remotely flirty, you can smell the auto-caps and use of the word âbuddyâ from across the table.Â
What you hadnât counted on, however, was the potential for Sunghoonâs feelings to shift. If they really have been texting more, can you rule out the possibility that he might like.. her? Chaewon is a catch, beyond a catch, and youâd already turned Sunghoon down. Brutally. Of course, heâd move on, he has moved on.Â
The rest of the study session is spent manifesting, writing Park Sunghoon over and over in the back of your notebook. You fill three pages while brainstorming ways to snatch a lock of his hair until he suggests that the two of you call it a day. He walks you home, telling you about how Jakeâs been bribing him with food to get a ride to the LEGO store across town for the new Marvel set.Â
âWith or without the meals, I wouldâve taken him, but his ramen is my favourite, so..â Sunghoon says, climbing the last step of your building and holding the door open for you. âHe even brought a slice of tiramisu to the rink for me after practice.âÂ
âYouâre terrible,â you say, frowning up at him as you search for your keys. âDo you want to come in?âÂ
Sunghoon chuckles, shaking his head. âI have a meeting with one of my lecturers soon, Iâd have to leave inââ He pauses, rolling up the sleeve of his jacket to check the time. ââeight minutes.âÂ
âIâm cool with that if you are,â you mumble, suddenly shy.Â
A bright smile spreads over his lips and he nods, following you in.Â
Chilled by the harsh wind, the only thing on your mind is a hot drink as you lead Sunghoon to the kitchen. He shakes his head when you offer him one, sitting on the countertop and exhaling into his palms before rubbing them together. You canât help but frown at the sight, feeling guilty that you canât change the weather to suit him. At your thought process, your brows raise. Wow, you think. Is this who you are?Â
You busy yourself with the selection of hot drinks you and Chaewon have accumulated, eyeing each container from top to bottom. A purple tub of Cadburyâs hot chocolate that youâre sure is on the brink of expiration, coffeeâsachets of the instant stuff youâve grown to like since leaving home, Earl grey from one of many brands, or the fancy silk tea bags Chaewonâs mum brought home from a tripârooibos or plum-apple-cinnamon.Â
Craving something sweet, you settle for hot chocolate, pulling the heavy container from the cupboard next to Sunghoonâs head and setting it beside your cup. Heâs on his phone, scrolling too fast to take in anything heâs seeing and he shakes his head when you ask if he wants something to drink.Â
On the dish rack, Chaewonâs mug catches your eye, so you pick it up to dry it off and put it down next to yours. âIâm going to check if Wonie wants any,â you say, wiping imaginary crumbs from the counter onto the floor.Â
Sunghoon only clears his throat, shaking his head. âSheâs not home, one of her acrylics popped off so sheâs at the shop waiting for a cancellation.âÂ
The information itself isnât jarring but hearing it from Sunghoon is. You put on what you hope is a neutral smile and nod, taking milk from the fridge and assembling your drink on autopilot while thinking of ways to redirect the conversation.Â
âIf you knew youâd have to go back to campus so soon, whyâd you walk me home?â you ask, watching your cup spin in the microwave. âI couldâve walked on my own.âÂ
Sunghoon is already looking at you when you turn your head, his cheeks puffed out with air as he blinks slowly. Because I love you, is what you hope heâll say. You think you need him to say it.Â
âBecause you donât have to do anything on your own when you have me,â he says instead, and itâs infinitely better.Â
The words seep through your every fibre, his intonation and lucid affection making a home for themselves in your heart, spreading warmth from head to toe. Your smile becomes a radiant grin, only brightening when he shakes his head, smiling down at his feet.Â
Sunghoon hugs you in the kitchen when itâs time for him to leave, his arms holding you tight to his chest as he rocks you back and forth. You inhale his scent, all warm citrus under freshly washed cotton and something exclusive to him.
Wiping the smile from your face feels impossible. You donât let go when he does, and a sweet laugh â a giggle, you think â tumbles out of him as he mumbles that he really has to go. Still, you cling onto him, taking clumsy steps backwards, with your arms locked around his waist, to your front door, smiling as you watch him put his shoes on.Â
âYou donât have to walk me downstairs, honestly,â he says, looking down at you in the doorway.
âI want to.âÂ
His lips quirk up at the corners, a full smile breaking through and causing your stomach to flutter with so much force youâre sure itâs visible through your shirt. His eyes fall to your lips, lingering, before he clears his throat, looking away.Â
âIâll text you when I get to the door, promise.âÂ
You lock your pinky with his. âSend a selfie, just so I know itâs you and not someone else using your phone.âÂ
Sunghoonâs head falls back in a laugh. âShould I just call you? That way you can make sure I get back to uni in one piece.âÂ
You nod.
âThat wasnât anything with Chaewon earlier, I just needed advice on some girl stuff..â He trails off, searching your eyes. Itâs obvious that heâs telling the truth, that he wants you to believe him. You do. âI wasnât sure if that was something I could talk about with you.âÂ
Girl stuff. Hmm. You try not to read too much into it and look at the bigger picture insteadâyour best friend is going through something and doesnât feel like he can come to you about it.. You squeeze his pinky reassuringly, a flutter in your stomach when he smiles.Â
âYou can talk to me about anything,â you say, meaning it.Â
Sunghoon presses his lips together, humming and unlinking your fingers. âNext time,â he says after a beat, waving at you.Â
You shut the door, locking it while watching through the peephole, he leaves as soon as the lock clicks shut. In the kitchen, your hot chocolate is cooling down, and your phone rings in your back pocket. Sunghoonâs calling.Â
Hanging out with Sunghoon. Making sure he sticks to the time-blocked schedule you made for him. Quizzing him on biology terms until he gets restless. If the last two weeks were an episode of Family Feud, those would be the top three answers to the question: Name something YN is doing right now.
Thankfully tonight, itâs the first one.Â
Youâve been sitting on the couch for so long, Jake has both left for football practice and arrived from football practice. Conversation ebbs and flowsâan hour or so of nonstop talking, followed by another hour or so of comfortable near silence.Â
Itâs during a quiet hour that Sunghoon sits up straight, clearing his throat before saying, âLet me ask you something. He retreats to the other side of the couch, turning to face you with his whole body. âI donât want things to be weird after I ask, so no matter what your answer is, I wonât bring it up or ask again.â
Arching a curious brow, you nod. âYou can ask me anything,â you say, meaning it.
Sunghoonâs face is impressively blankâminus the motion of sharp teeth worrying plush lip, thereâs absolutely nothing behind his eyes that seem to stare right through you.Â
Eventually, he asks, âCan I kiss you?â He says more. Big, scary words like for closure and moving on, but they donât register. They donât matter.Â
Your heart pounds at the base of your throat as you find interest in your hands that sit in your lap. Even without looking at him, you canât get over the slight crease he had in his brow and the slight tremor in his hands.Â
âFor closure,â you repeat, though your voice doesnât sound like itâs coming from you, muffled under the thump of your heart.Â
Sunghoon nods. âFor closure.âÂ
A humourless laugh sneaks past your throat as you look at him. You shouldnât have. In the lamplight, Sunghoon is golden and glorious. Warm light casts one side of his face, diffusing gently over the steep slope of his nose, highlighting his moles and the look in his eyes, gentle and curious all at once. Unwillingly, your gaze falls to his lips, parted, tempting.Â
One firm nod of your head brings Sunghoonâs hand to your face, his palm cupping your cheek with soft skin as his thumb traces your cheekbone. You grow anxious under his stare, under the drag of his eyes over your features, taking them one at a time like heâs committing them to memory.
Leaning in, your eyes flutter shut as your lips meet his and he freezes, mouth completely still on yours. Delicately, your tongue traces the seam of his lips, soft and plump, until they part for you, moving with yours. Sunghoonâs kiss is unpolished when it reaches you. Itâs hesitant but tender, clumsy but sweet, heâs trying and heâs perfect; your favourite.Â
The kiss is.. itâs everything. Itâs the racing of your heart, the thudding, the vibrant buzz you can hear, feel humming against your ears. Itâs a rush of blood to the head, a lightness all over that pulls you out of your body. Itâs Sunghoonâs soft lips curving into a smile against yours, his gentle hold on your face never letting up as he holds you as close as he can manage, and itâs every bit as lovely as the rest of him.
Palpable is the heartbeat of your friendship, beating to a lull under the surface of the kiss, fizzling out into nothing, a steady silence, flatlining to give way to something more, something bigger.Â
Every brush of your lips against his is a revelation, a confession. Youâre all Iâve ever wanted, you tell him with your kiss. Youâre everything I need. His free hand finds yours, locking your fingers and squeezing, the action timed well enough to make you think he hears you, to make you think heâs saying, weâll be okay, I still love you.Â
With that, he pulls away, a delicate tension piercing the air. Blown eyes and laboured breathingâheâs beautiful, fuzzy around the edges with warm orange and all of the love in your heart. Breathless, you chew on your lip, cognisant of Sunghoonâs hand in yours and the sparkle in his eyes as he looks at you.Â
Belatedly, you squeeze his hand back, smiling. âWas it everything you ever dreamed of?â you whisper, part teasing, all curious.
Abruptly, Sunghoon stands up, letting go of you in the process. âI have to go.âÂ
You want to stop him, you think youâre supposed to. To grab him by the arm and kiss him again, to yell in his face that you love him until he understands. But you donât. Instead, you stay seated, staring at Sunghoonâs back and following him with your eyes out of the room and down the hall until heâs out of sight.Â
Itâs your first time being so upset after a kiss, and you canât tell if itâs his leaving or the mention of him moving on thatâs tripping you up so much. Thatâs causing melancholy to crawl from the shadows, sinking its jagged nails into your skin to pull you under.Â
You love him. Heâs gone.Â
Eyes stuck on the doorway, time stretches over the room around you, thick and malleable, wet and cloyingâclay stuck under your nails for days as the fire in the kiln rages on.Â
Sighing, you get up and wait at his door. You ball your hand into a limp fist, knocking weakly. Sunghoon doesnât reply. You try again, harder. Still nothing.Â
Barging into the room, you find him sitting on the end of his bed with his face in his hands.Â
âDonât move on.â The words come out before you realise and Sunghoon lifts his head, squinting at you.Â
âHuh?â He tilts his head, watching closely as you approach him, tipping it back enough to meet your eyes when you stand over him.Â
You take a breath, holding it until your head starts to spin. âI donât want you to love someone else, Sunghoon. Please donât move on.âÂ
The stillness that follows is disconcerting, a long quiet you can feel on your skin, amplifying the blank stare on his face as he looks up at you. His eyes flash, a spark of hope behind them so bright it stings to look at.
âDo you..â He trails off, his lips moving to form the next word though stopping short.
âI do,â you whisper, nodding. âIâm sorry for taking so long.â
An exhaled laugh comes from his nose as he grins, shaking his head. âYou like me?â he asks, excitement and disbelief fighting for authority over his voice, his hands holding your waist and pulling you down into his lap.
âI love you,â you admit, settling on his thighs.Â
âYou do?â His eyes are wide and gleaming, searching every feature on your face before settling on your own.
You nod. âSo much.âÂ
Sunghoonâs chin tips up, his lips pressing against yours, excited pecks that canât turn into much more for the smiles on your faces. You rest your arms on his shoulders, hands clasping behind his head, nervous fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.Â
âSo.. will you be my boyfriend? For real?âÂ
Tilting his head, he tries and fails to fight a smile. âI will. Iâm a little bummed though.âÂ
âWhy?â You raise a brow, and the word tips up at the end with it.Â
âI wanted to be the one to ask you.â Sunghoonâs honesty warms the room, endearing you completely.Â
You grin, loving the heat spreading over your cheeks. âAsk me anyway.âÂ
âPlease can I be your boyfriend?âÂ
In the weeks that followed, it became immediately clear that boyfriend Sunghoon operated on a pendulum swinging between sexual ferality and terror. Heâd get distracted during study sessions at home, finding more interest in biting at your neck than stream-of-consciousness prose, but closed his eyes if a sex scene came on TV. Heâd buck his hips against yours while making out but flinch at the sight of condoms in the store.
He wasnât ready to have sex and didnât know how to tell you, so you took matters into your own hands, asking if you could wait until after his results for resubmission came in, saying you didnât want the distraction for either of you. Sunghoon agreed, pecking your cheek and holding you tight to his chest.Â
The only thing was that your lecturer hadnât given him an exact date, so every morning, you held your phone in a vice grip waiting for Sunghoon to update you, and every morning, you got the same text: Nothing today, baby âšď¸Â
This morning, youâre brushing your teeth when he texts you, in all caps: NO FUCKING WAY I GOT A 98 !!! LOOK !!!
When the picture comes through, itâs of him in the mirror and you choke on mouthwash at the sight. Heâs smiling, bright and beautiful, in a black vest that heâs holding up a little to show his stomach, though his palm is in the way of his toned abs, and it cuts off right at the top of his grey sweatpants.Â
Your mouth goes dry as you click on it, fixating on every little detail you can find: the thickness of his fingers against his phone, the dip in his collarbones, the breadth of his shoulders and the cinch of his waist. In a fit of desperation, you try swiping at the bottom of your screen, willing the picture to magically extend. It doesnât.Â
hoonie: Finger slipped.. You like?
you: mm..Â
you: 98??? HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT YOU!!!
hoonie: All you.. do you like the picture?
you: i love itâŚâŚâŚâŚ.
hoonie: My girl đ¤
Another picture comes in, and sure enough, through the glare of his laptop screen, you see: Course name: The Modernist Movement: Joyce, Woolf, and Hemingway. Marks Awarded: 98.0.
you: well done baby !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hoonie: Thx đ
hoonie: Can I have my prize now ha ha .. haha đ
you: just for that emoji, no you absolutely cannot.
Your resolve isnât strong enough when it comes to Sunghoon, because purple devil emoji and all, you show up at his door with condoms in your bag and a bouquet of lilies behind your back.Â
The door creaks open and Sunghoon greets you with a grin. âHey, gorgeous. You proud of me?âÂ
You beam at him, holding out the flowers. âIâm very proud, Hoon, well done.âÂ
âI donât want to ruin the moment,â he starts, taking the bouquet from your hands and sniffing the flowers with an approving smile. âBut hearing you say youâre proud of me is awakening something I didnât know existed.â
âA good something?âÂ
âMm,â he hums, arms finding your waist before he pecks your lips. âA very good something.âÂ
Sunghoonâs words hit your lips and your core, a desperate heat flooding your stomach as he kisses you deeply, his body pressed tightly against yours while he pulls you into his apartment. He kicks the door shut with his foot, slipping his hand under your jacket to settle in your back pocket, not quite squeezing but holding your ass as gently as he can manage.Â
He breaks away from you, love in his eyes as he stares down into yours, catching his breath. âI donât think we own a vase.âÂ
In his kitchen, you rifle through cupboards to find something to hold the flowers, eventually finding a whiskey decanter in the cupboard under the sink, and holding it up for Sunghoon to see.
âOh, yeah,â he says. âItâs Jayâs. Itâll work right?âÂ
You nod, taking it to the sink to rinse it. Sunghoon wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder watching you fill the decanter with water and flower food before grabbing the bouquet. He presses open-mouthed kisses to your neck and you struggle to stay focused as you cut down the stems on the flowers, arranging them neatly.Â
âCan I take a photo?â he asks when youâre done.Â
Heâs smiling when you turn around to look at him, a soft curve of his lips that makes your heart race, a deep tenderness in his eyes when you meet them. You smile too.Â
âTheyâre yours, baby, do whatever you want.âÂ
âA photo of you with the flowers,â he clarifies.Â
Warmth settles in your chest, a grin spreading over your lips from ear to ear. You nod, taking the decanter in your hands when he lets go of you, holding the flowers up beside your face and smiling for his camera. As his phone shutter clicks away, you steal glances at his face behind it. Heâs watching the screen with a smile, telling you how beautiful you are.
âI want pictures of you too,â you say, handing the flowers over.Â
âIâm yours, baby, do whatever you want.âÂ
Sunghoon poses for your photos, smiling sweetly in some and sniffing the bouquet appreciatively with closed eyes for others. Heâs glowing and heâs beautiful and your heart triples in size while taking picture after picture until your phone tells you it has ten percent.Â
âThank you, YN,â he says. âIâve never gotten flowers before, I love them.â His arms settle around your waist, lips pressing against yours before you have the chance to respond.Â
You try anyway, mumbling against his lips that you love him. In response, Sunghoon grins, but the feeling of his cock growing hard against you is distracting, a lust-coated thorn in the side of the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. With locked lips and uncertain steps, the two of you bump into corners and trip over your own feet, stumbling to his room and parting only to tear his hoodie over his head.
Breathless, you pull away, eyes trailing over him and picking up on everything, from the tremble in his hands to the lust-addled worry in his eyes. Heâs nervous, you thinkâthough it escapes you, the last word coming out like a question.
Sunghoon scoffs, his hands resting on your waist under your shirt, skin clammy against yours. âOf course, Iâm nervous.âÂ
âYou donât have to be.â
âI just want to be good for you.âÂ
âDonât worry about that, let me take care of you, Hoon.â Your palms drag up his torso â firm abs through soft cotton, defined chest over racing heart â to rest on his shoulders. âSit,â you say when he nods.Â
He gulps, taking a seat on the end of his bed under your gentle push, eyes widening when you sink to your knees between his legs and reach for his drawstring, pulling the ends to untie the knot.Â
âWait,â Sunghoon says, breathless, scrunching up his face and dropping his head. âLet me calm down, baby. At this rate, Iâll come just seeing your hand on it.âÂ
You giggle, resting your head on his thigh and wrapping the drawstring around your finger.
âIâm serious, YN,â he mumbles, laughing as he takes his vest off. âI need a minute.âÂ
Sunghoonâs eyes are pressed shut as he tries to collect himself, lips pouty and kiss-bitten, slightly parted with ragged breaths slipping out. You wait patiently for him. Heâs so pretty like this, with the crease in his brow and the pretty pink flush dusting his cheeks as his chest rises and falls. You canât help but smile, leaning into his touch when his hand rests on top of your head, his blunt nails grazing your scalp. After a while, he seems more at ease, his eyes finding yours and he smiles shyly, telling you heâs ready now and lifting his hips from the bed to let you pull his sweats and underwear down.Â
Free from the constraints of fabric, his cock slaps his stomach with a wet sound as the tip meets his skin, leaving a pearlescent streak over his abs. The sight makes your mouth water and you canât look away. âPretty,â you whisper.
Wrapping a hand under his tip, you swipe it with your thumb, taking time to memorise the flutter of his eyelids, the bobbing of his Adamâs apple, and the soft sigh he lets out. You stroke him slowly, liking the way his breath picks up as his brows knit together before you take him in your mouth. Itâs a tight fit but you do your best, spurred on by the way he tugs at your hair and stutters through a holy fuck as you take as much of him as you can.Â
Sunghoon goes silent, only squirming when you use your hand to stroke him near his base. Self-conscious about his lack of vocal affirmation, you look up at him through your lashes, and the pure bliss on his face is unbearably attractive. His eyes are rolled back under furrowed brows, his mouth hanging open as he throws his head back.
âAm I doing okay?â you ask, using the moment to catch your breath.
He nods, inhaling shakily and screwing his eyes shut while his hips buck up into your fist. âIâm.. Youâre doing such a good job, baby, so good.â
Satisfaction courses through you from the praise, a high that dulls the ache in your jaw. Still watching him, you massage his balls in your palm, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his tip when he whines. You tongue at his slit until he thrusts back into your mouth, tip hitting your throat, and he gasps when you gag, his arm coming up to cover his eyes. A belated apology slips from his lips, mumbled as he strokes your hair with a shaking hand and goes quiet again. When you speed up, his breath stutters, the muscles in his thighs contracting around your head as you suck and lick and drool on his cock.Â
A moan of your name, and his hand holding your hand down, are the only warnings you get before Sunghoon comes, spilling his load right down your throat. Whining, his hips buck up against your face, pushing further and further until he falls back onto the mattress.
Your throat is hoarse and aches while you use the back of your hand to wipe at your lips, enjoying whatâs left of his taste on your tongue. Deep red tints his neck and chest, a pretty flush gleaming under the sheen of sweat on his skin. Heâs mesmerising, as he tries for air through swollen lips and looks up at you through squinted eyes. He reaches for you, cute grabby hands tugging your shirt and pulling you down so youâre lying next to him with your head on his chest.Â
âYouâre amazing, baby, so good for me,â Sunghoon whispers, eyes fluttering shut as you drag your nails over his torso, feeling the subtle heave of the slick, sculpted muscle over his stomach and chest.Â
Pride heats your chest, satisfaction rolling over you like a wave. âReally?â
He hums in affirmation, nodding his head.Â
âYou were so quiet, I couldnât really tell,â you add, hungry for more praise.Â
âThe walls are so thin in here, I just got used to being quiet,â Sunghoon says, frowning. Hand meeting your chin, he tips your head up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to your lips and mumbling, âIâm sorry. You were perfect, I swear.âÂ
Itâs a sweet kiss. Until lips move harder and hands get lower, desperate as he thumbs the top of your leggings, palm unmoving but a dangerous heat blooms in your stomach anyway.
âCan I..â Sunghoon pinches you softly through the material, unsure eyes boring deep into yours.Â
You nod. âYou can.âÂ
Slipping under your waistband, his fingers skate across your skin dipping between your thighs. He grazes your slit, satisfaction clear in the groan he lets out as he feels the wetness there, pulling it over the length of your slit to cover your clit. Your breath hitches, a strangled gasp, pleasure and surprise meeting in your throat under the pressure of his thumb on your clit, the gentle sting of his finger pushing into you.Â
What Sunghoon lacks in experience, he makes up for with the sheer length and thickness of his fingers. Itâs almost jarring, itâs enough to force your eyes closed and bring a sigh rumbling out of you, ache and relief settling between your legs, where he curls a finger against your walls and drags slow circles over your clit.Â
âCan you take these off, baby?â he asks, hand away to touch your leggings.Â
You donât waste a second, sitting up to pull them off, throwing them and your underwear across the room. Sunghoon licks his lips, tugging at the hem of your shirt.Â
âAnd this? If you want..âÂ
You nod, pulling it off immediately to let it join the rest of your clothes in a heap on the floor. The way he gulps is a confidence boost, his dilated pupils taking in every inch of your body, though his gaze always pulls back to your braâwhite and lacy, thin enough for your nipples to push through the fabric and Sunghoon canât seem to get enough, though he waits until youâre lying down again to touch you.Â
Sunghoon props himself up on his elbow, leaning over you. âYouâre beautiful,â he whispers, dragging a finger over the lace at the top of your bra, toying with the material and the little bow sitting between your breasts. His eyes flick up to meet yours. âSo beautiful,â he repeats.Â
Hiding your face in his chest, you mumble, âThank you,â into his skin while trying to ignore the heat spreading over your body wherever he touches you. His hand trails from your arm to your waist, resting on your hips to slip over your ass for a beat, where he grabs and squeezes the flesh there before coming back around to slot between your legsâyou lift one of them, resting it over his body, and heâs smiling sweetly when you look up at him.
Sunghoonâs movements are unchanging, though the sensation is heightened by the unbridled desire in his lidded eyes that urges white heat to lick over every inch of your skinâthis time he pushes two fingers into you.
It doesnât get better than this, you think. But it does, quickly.Â
Leaning over you, his eyes flick across your face, one feature at a time as he chews on his lip. Reaching up, you push some of his hair from his face, holding it back and saying, âRelax, baby.âÂ
âDonât want to hurt you.â
Moving your hand, you blink when his hair flops back over his forehead, tickling your eyelashes. His eyes are focused now, staring straight down into yours, want and worry flashing behind them.Â
âYou wonât, I promise,â you say, locking your pinky with his, feeling relieved when he smiles.
Sunghoon pushes in slowly, his name slipping from your lips when he exhales shakily, head falling forward. The sting, the pleasure, make it hard to breathe, molten desire taking hold of your lungs as he carves out a place for himself as far as youâll take him, all the way to the hilt as slow as he can manage.Â
A moan tears out of him, lewd and whiny as his hair tickles your collarbone, head falling into the crook of your neck. His skin is hot and damp against yours, his breath burning your shoulder as he tries to calm down. Itâs difficult to register much else, tethered only by the sound of his voice when he asks, âAm I hurting you?âÂ
âHoon,â you whisper.Â
âCan you look at me, baby?â He lifts his head, resting a hand on your cheek. You blink your eyes open, gaze locking with his, where concern pushes through his desire. âAm I hurting you?â he asks again. âAre you okay?âÂ
You nod. âIâm okay, just..â You sigh. âFull. Need a minute.âÂ
Sunghoon kisses you, lips moving gently with yours, passing breathy whines between your mouths until you feel yourself relaxing. Pulling his plush bottom lip between yours, you suck on it, nodding. âWant you to move, baby,â you mumble.Â
He scans your face, eyes meeting yours as he pulls his hips back. Heâs slow, so slow with his thrusts that your belly turns with want, your fingernails sink into the taut skin of his back, and jagged sobs fall out of you with each drag of his cock along your walls.Â
Everywhere his skin touches yours is set ablaze with scorching heat, goosebumps pushing past the surface as his breath fans your neck and his sharp teeth graze your skin. He bites hard enough to sting, and you wince as his tongue flicks over your bitten flesh to soothe you.
You were so worked up earlier, writhing against the sheets and coming undone in his palm, so bliss quickly pushes through the ache between your legs. âGood, Hoon, feels so good,â you manage, struggling to convey how perfect it is.
âJust want to make you feel good.â His words melt into each other, vowels soft and elongated as they curl around each other. Heâs working up a steady rhythm, his tip consistently nudging you where you need itâthe spot that makes the room blur around you. âThatâs all I want.âÂ
Before long, the knot in your stomach pulls you up from the mattress, arching your back towards the ceiling. Mouth to mouth, chest to chestâitâs the closest youâve ever felt to someone else, the closest youâve ever been. The thought alone knocks the wind out of you, and his persistent whining does nothing to help.
Your want and adoration for Sunghoon run bone-deep, inching up your spine and creeping over your shoulders, intertwined with an all-consuming pleasure that turns the heat in your stomach molten as a shudder zips through you. Even though you canât find the words to let him know, he lifts your hips from the bed to fuck you deeper, harder, into the mattress until shaky orgasms pull both of you under.Â
You let him fall into you, fingers curling around his hair, whispering I love you into the skin of his neck as he comes, most of his weight on top of you while you catch your breath, relishing in the fullness you feel as the last waves of your high pull back. You stay like this for as long as he needs, his head coming up from the crook of your neck to smile at you before pressing his lips to yours. A sleepy haze fills the room around you, tongue swiping tongue as you giggle happily into his mouth.Â
After a while, he gets up, tying the condom to throw it away and comes back with his shirt. He uses it to clean upâgentle between your legs, pressing kisses to your calves while he does. Sunghoonâs tenderness wraps around your heart, and love clouds your vision, forming a blurry trail that follows all of his movements, glowing like something from a dream, ethereal, an apparition.Â
The bed dips beside you, his arms around you, pulling you in so his chin rests on your head. You push your cheek into his chest, hoping the two of you will meld into oneâthe thought makes you warm all over, a fuzziness that reaches every part of your body while he presses kisses into your hair, rubbing your back.Â
âI love you,â he says, voice as soft as the rest of him. âIâm glad I exist.â
mama park: Hi lovely đ missing you lots, wondering when youâll be home for XmasâŚâŚâŚ..love ma
Sunghoon stirs, nose scrunching as he snores softly into the quiet of a winter morning. His chest rises and falls steadily under your head and he doesnât move when you sit up. The lamp on his desk is still on â neither of you could be bothered getting up to turn it off last night â and under its dim glow, you admire him. Perfect lips gently curvedâlong lashes kissing the skin under his eyes.Â
Love hits you from all angles, warmth all over from head to toe despite the chill in Sunghoonâs room. You canât help but grin, leaning up to nose along the underside of his chin, his natural scent so soft yet dizzying as you nuzzle into him. He stirs again, turning his head this way and that before resting, you feel a bit bad, deciding to leave him be and text his mum back.Â
you: hi mum !!! missing you sooooooo much :((( will be home asap
mama park: BTW Sunghoon told me everything. I raised such good actors LOL make sure he looks after you and keeps you happy!
you: iâm so sorry we lied to you..
you: but iâm really happy with him and he loves me a lot
you: i love him so much .. never been so sure of anyone in my life
Š zreamy (2023), all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, or plagiarise my work. do let my know your thoughts !
permanent taglist: @asahicore
#sunghoon smut#enhypen smut#enha smut#enhypen scenarios#sunghoon scenarios#sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon smut#park sunghoon x reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen oneshots#sunghoon oneshots#sunghoon imagines#enhypen hard hours#fic.sunghoon
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đđĄđ đđ¨đ˛đŹ đđ˘đđĄ đ đđđđđđŤ đđĄđđ đđđđđĄđđŹ đđĄđđ˘đŤ đđ§đđŤđ đ˛ đđ¨đŽđĽđ đđ§đđĽđŽđđ
âł includes: billy butcher, hughie campbell, frenchie, mothers milk, kimiko, and soldier boy
âł warnings: canon type violence and happenstances. hinted to take place during season three at some points.
âł notes: sorry butcher is in here so much. he's the kind of guy that can't shut the fuck up, so i feel like he's always getting in everyone business no matter what
âł song: rock me like a hurricaneâscorpions
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⢠He has mixed feelings about you
⢠On one hand, youâre a great team player. Always making sure the job gets done, willing to put yourself on the line for the team, one of the most willing to kill a supe in a snapâsecond only to himâand always managing to make shit up on the fly whenever something inevitably goes wrong on a mission. Butcher has seen you fend off an entire team of armed Vought men before with nothing but a well timed lie and piece of pipe. Thatâs not something to scoff at, even if he does anyways
⢠But on the other hand, he has a feeling that you were just as much as an annoying shit as he acted sometimes
⢠âSorry to say this guysââ You said one night through the food in your mouth as Chinese takeout sat on a dirty table in front of you, curtesy of M.M and his pocketbook, ââbut I think Iâd betray you all for a fortune cookie. Iâd betray my country for a fortune cookie.â
⢠"You say that like we ainât already betrayinâ the cunts, sunshine.â Butcher eyed you from across the room as you nicked Frenchies own cookie from him while he was staring off at Kimiko for the tenth time that night
⢠âToo right, Butch.â You grinned like a shark at your idiotic nickname for him, and he ignored you as you did so; like he always did
⢠He definitely appreciates your enthusiasm behind his plans. Unlike Hughie or M.M, who despite working in the business of taking down supes seem to be hesitant about doing too much shit, you donât seem to have a very strong moral code. Thatâs not necessarily a good thing in anyoneâs eyes except for Butcherâs, who knows that he can always count on you to have his back in whatever situation he manages to squeeze himself into
⢠âThanks for cominâ.â He grunted at you while vomiting into a toilet, green bile spewing from his mouth. Butcherâs eyes burned with the urge to let out a laser beam, and he did so for a moment, splitting the porcelain throne we was leaning over in two
⢠âWant me to hold your hair back for you, honey?â You didnât even miss a beat to start making fun of his situation, which made Butcher growl at you even from his current position. Despite your sarcastic demeanor in the moment, and the way he had just scorched an unexpected hole through the shitty bathroom, Butcher knew youâd help, no questions asked. And thatâs exactly what you did, grabbing whatever he asked you to as he gave you a run down on the latest solo mission he had been attempting to get by with on his own
⢠âJesus, poor Gunpowder huh?â You mused as you crossed your arms and leaned on the sink above him. For a moment Butcher thought you were granting the dead supe a bit of sympathy before he saw the glint in your eyes. âIf the last thing I saw before I kicked it was your mug, Iâd probably wanna get it over with yeah?â
⢠âDo me a favor. Go grab the toaster in the other room anâ take a nice bath with it, would ya?â
⢠âYou first, Butcher.â
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⢠The two of you are like peas in a pod. Two very weird, very cautious peas in a pod
⢠Even if Butcher is beside himself with annoyance at having another, as he put it, âsoft cunt with a morality complex,â join the team, Hughie couldnât be happier that someone seems to share his values on supes, on Vought; on the world, really
⢠In the first season or so, the two of you would probably spend a lot of time in between working with everyone else in the field to come up with a way to take Vought down the right way. Eventually,as we all know, that later falls apart, but it exhilarates Hughie to know that thereâs people out there like him that want to try and put in the effort for things like that
⢠âYeah, so if we can get one more witness about the Termite incident to come forward and testifyââ You bit your pen between your teeth and nodded as Hughie waved his hands over a stack of papers and talked at a million miles an hour, somehow understanding each and every word.
⢠ââthen we could finally take a supe down legally. And that would make way for a whole round of others; Hughie youâre a genius.â You finished his sentence for him, slapping a hand down on the table with a grin as Hughie smiled. Somewhere in the distance someone snorted wryly, no doubt having heard the entire conversation. You had no doubt it was Butcher, but that didnât matter to the either of you with how happy you were at the revelation. No matter how temporary it would turn out to be
⢠Hughie finds himself trusting you quite a bit. He can get attached pretty easily, so he finds himself willing to do anything to back you upâwithin reason of course. He still has some semblance of sanity left
⢠Listens to Billy Joel with you! Doesnât matter if you all are coming back from a mission covered in bloodâonce it was whale gutsâhe will stick one earbud in and leave the other out for you as he presses play on a mix. More than once the others have found both of you passed out and snoring as the faint sound of Billy Joel plays through the headphones
⢠âThink we should wake them up, mon amie?â Frenchie tilts his head as he looks down on the both of you. Hughie chest rises and falls with a softness he couldnât afford on the regular. You were positioned far away from him to have your back to him, somehow keeping your end of the earbud in as you drooled
⢠âNah, let em sleep. God knows they need it.â M.M shook his head with crossed arms, the sight reminding him of better times
⢠âOi! Stop ogling at the knackered sods and come help me with this, would ya?â
⢠âFuck you, Butcher.â M.M said with a sigh, leaving the room to go and help anyway
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⢠He fucks with you so hard
⢠I mean, come on, someone thatâs as excited about making bombs as he is? Someone that is willing to understand French? To shit talk everyone else to their faceâespecially Butcher?? He might have to marry you on the spot
⢠Please learn French. He will literally beg you to start. Conjugates, vocabulary, even a simple âpleaseâ and âthank youâ. Anything at all. Will absolutely not judge you for your horrific accent or pronunciation if you have any
⢠Bomb lessons on the side, too. If you already know the basics, or are a pro, itâll be a lot more breezy, but heâs willing to start from scratch. Itâll be nice to have a partner to help him with his creations on the team for once, and even better since he likes you
⢠The two of you, and Kimiko obviously, are practically joined at the hip. What I said about the shit talking earlier was real, too. All of you use different languages or sign to voice whatever youâre thinking. Itâs nice to be able to speak your mind freely, and thereâs the added bonus of not having M.M give you that sharp look of his, or Butcher calling you names. Anymore than usual, that is
⢠âWhat do you reckon the three of âem are always on about?â Butcher took a swig from his drink. He was sitting next to Hughie with a beer on one of their down days as the younger man typed away on a computer. He was watching you Frenchie and Kimiko from across the room as you all signed at each other with giant smiles on your face. Frenchie would speak occasionally, but all that came out was his mother tongue, and your face would pause for a moment as you let your brain process what he was saying. Then all of you would break out into another round of grins, something that Butcher had to deadpan at
⢠âProbably planning a coup.â Hughie answered Butcher without even looking up from his screen. He knew who he was talking about anyways. It wasnât hard to guess thanks, to the occasional loud exclamation from Frenchie as you signed something particularly risquĂŠ or funny
⢠Butcher flitted his eyes away in annoyance from you all after he recognized the word âcuntâ in the passing conversation, along with a sign that was clearly supposed to represent him
⢠âI think at this poinâ Iâd prefer thaâ.â He grumbled into his cup, and all of you laughed
⢠âCheer up, Butcher. At least Frenchie isnât teaching them how to make homemade cherry bombs again.â
⢠âShut up.â
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⢠Finally. Someone other than him can be the voice of reason in the group
⢠Itâs tiring being the one to hold everyone together all of the time. It might help if Butcher wasnât so much of an ass, or if Hughie didnât feel the need to derail every plan with thoughts of his own, but M.M knew that wouldnât be happening anytime soon. So heâd take any help he could get with reigning everyone in
⢠Definitely bonds with you over your shared habit of wearing band t-shirts to meetups or hideouts. Iâd like to imagine that at one point the both of you show up wearing the exact same one, and it goes exactly how one would expect
⢠âSame shirt.â M.M notices one morning, pointing at your torso with the initials N.W.A written over it. Heâs smiling, and so are you as what heâs wearing in turn dawns on you
⢠âSame shirt!! Hell yeah.â
⢠Fist bumps. Fist bumps galore, man. The two of you fist bump a lot. To punctuate sentences, drive a point home, agree on stuffâanything. Itâs your own way of communicating with each other without having to bat an eye
⢠Itâll take M.M a while, but eventually heâll start to really open up about missing his family to you. Beyond just showing you pictures of his daughter at soccer practice, I mean. If he trusts you enough to have his back in a shoot out, then he trusts you with this
⢠At one point, it goes farther than his (regrettably ex) wife and daughter, and eventually branches out into what heâs willing to tell about his dad and brothers. You feel like you know all of them by the time heâs done, and that only makes the typewriter story hit harder when he finally decides to reveal it
⢠Letâs just say you were pretty willing to jump Soldier Boy on M.Mâs half the first time you were left in a room with them
⢠âJust one swing I swearââ
⢠âHe will literally beat you into a pulp.â M.M deadpanned, doing his best to avoid looking at the other imposing figure in the room as he clasped two hands on either of your shoulders
⢠âListen to your friend, sweetheart. Would hate to have to scrub my hands clean of any of your blood. Getting under the fingernails is always hard.â
⢠âSee what I mean, just one punch thatâs allââ
⢠âNo.â
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⢠Itâs honestly great for her to be able to hang around someone that feels the same way that she does. Maybe itâs how silent you are that really draws her attention at first, but Kimiko really grows to appreciate you as a member of the team
⢠Probably gets a lot of joy from having a friend like you. She constantly asks to do things like have you watch movies with her or to do âsleepovers,â which are really just the two of you crashing on the main room couch together
⢠She never got a chance at a normal childhood or friends, so you and Frenchie are the closest she gets to a peace of mind
⢠Not even a question about it, sheâs making you learn her sign language
⢠Will stare at you for days on end, saying nothing but everything at the same time until you agree to learn. Once you do, itâs all over. She gets the biggest most happiest look anyone ever seen, and thereâs no turning back from that
⢠âKimiko, what are you doing. Itâs two in the morning.â You groan at her from under the thin covers of your bed, doing your best to ignore her hands as they fly about. Itâs the childish equivalent of âif I canât see you, you canât see meâ
⢠âNo time to sleep. We have to go over stuff before the mission tomorrow. It will help us communicate.â She was unnerved by your lack of enthusiasm. If anything it only spurred her on more, shaking your bed and pulling at your covers as you groaned. Even with the progress you had been making with signing over the past few weeks, your knowledge was still a bit shaky, and being half asleep didnât help, so you only caught a few words. Enough to know what she wanted, however
⢠âGo away, Kimiko.â You whined. The shaking stopped, and for a moment you thought your request had worked. You were more than happy to fall back into whatever dream you had been having beforehand
⢠Then you heard the rushing of feet and a large weight slammed onto your legs
⢠âGoddamnit!ââ
⢠Frenchie found the both of you the next morning; Kimiko looking bright eyed and bushy-tailed while you were practically falling asleep from where you sat. It was a teasing point for you over the next two weeks
⢠Between you, thereâs moments like that where, despite Kimikoâs silence and your habit to keep your thoughts to yourself, nothing ever goes unseen or unsaid. The two of you know each other like the back of your hands, and sometimes you wonder if youâd even need her sign to communicate
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⢠If the saying âthis town ain't big enough for the both of usâ could apply here, it absolutely would
⢠Itâs almost ironic how bad Soldier Boy handles another version of himself. Youâve got just as much snark and anger as him, and it pisses him the hell off. Constantly.
⢠Maybe itâs because you didnât fan boy over him as soon as he flashed a few cheesy lines that keeps his disdain for you boiling, or that you didnât keep your distance when he threatened to eradicate your entire bloodline if you didnât stop running your mouth at him
⢠âNeed help with that?â He cocks a brow at you one day, watching with poorly hidden annoyance as you struggle to tie a knot in your shoes for the fifth time in a minute. The offer isnât serious, and even if it was, he has no doubt you wouldnât hesitate to kick him in the face if he bent down to tie your shoe for you
⢠âNeed help taking my dick down your throat?â You parroted back at him while raising your voice in a false-happy tone. Finally you get the shoestrings to cooperate, completely missing the way Soldier Boy glows in a harsh warning at your attitude
⢠âLadies, ladies, youâre both pretty.â Butcher calls from the room over, no doubt tired of the bickering between the two of you that had been nonstop for the past few days. âLetâs get a move on before one of you decides to claw the others bloody eyes out, yeah?â
⢠The fact that youâre not even a supe just ticks him off more. Only a few people have ever pushed his buttons like this, most of them being supes, and they always ended up being nothing but red paste in the next few minutes
⢠You make sure to point it out to him several times that youâre just acting like he always does, making sure to don a shit eating grin when he clenches his fist at your comment
⢠Please for the love of everything thatâs holy tone it the fuck down. Some people may say that Soldier Boy has no self-control, but it sure is taking a whole lot of it not to kick you in the crotch as hard as possible
⢠âThe feelings mutual.â You deadpan at him when he eventually shares that fantasy out loud. He knew full well that if you even so much as tried that, youâd end up with a broken ankle and your front pinned to the closest brick wall, but he had no doubts that you would go for it anyway
⢠Seriously. How has he not murdered you in your sleep yet
#the boys#the boys x reader#the boys x you#the boys x y/n#billy butcher#billy butcher x reader#billy butcher x you#hughie campbell#hughie campbell x reader#hughie campbell x you#frenchie#frenchie x reader#frenchie x you#mothers milk#mothers milk x reader#mothers milk x you#kimiko#kimiko x reader#kimiko x you#soldier boy#soldier boy x reader#soldier boy x you#x reader#headcanons
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responsibility
you are reluctant to share the problems you are having at home with your teammates. your teammates just think you're an irresponsible teen. it takes an emergency for things to come to light. barça x reader, though this first part is much more platonic alexia & reader. more team involvement to come. cw: some violence / abuse. a lot on grief and the loss of a parent. this is mostly desperately sad angst with some comfort sprinkled throughout.
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Your father was drunk. Hammered, in fact. Youâd seen the empty bottles scattered around the kitchen when you walked in from training, telling you that heâd gotten an early start today. You were on your guard as soon as youâd noticed that, but you only pushed your dresser in front of your door when he began to pound on it, and yell. Some of the things he was saying were completely unintelligible, while others were completely clear. What you could understand was not anything new. He rambled about your mom, and how much he missed her. About how horrible it was that sheâd died and left him stuck with you. How you drained away all his money playing football, and how he was tired of how ungrateful you were.Â
Normally, he didnât do anything. Normally, the yelling was the extent of it. Sometimes, though it went farther. Heâd grab you, or push you, kick you out of the house. When that happened, youâd go to a friend's place and sleep there, only coming back in the morning when you knew heâd be passed out.Â
Only very rarely did he actually hurt you. The occurrences were rare enough that you could pretend it didnât happen. You covered the bruises up with makeup if you had too, and ignored them. You told people they came from training until you started to believe it yourself.Â
Tonight felt different, though, and you knew why. It was your parents anniversary. Any faint reminder of your mother only seemed to inflame your fatherâs hatred for you. Heâd never wanted a kid, but your mom had, and that man had worshiped the ground she walked on. So, your parents had you, and you enjoyed a happy little life for 15 years. And then your mom got sick, and then got sicker.Â
You thought losing her would be the hardest thing youâd ever do, but as you sat on the floor of your bedroom, you decided that your father hating you because your mother was dead was somehow 100x more painful. He hurled abuse at you through the door, and when the dresser tipped away from it, crashing loudly onto the ground, you were more afraid than youâd ever been in your life.Â
You barely had the forethought to grab your phone and slip it into your pocket before your father shoved his way into the room, a half full bottle of vodka sloshing in his hand. He had the look on his face that haunts your nightmares. The detached one that told you things were about to hurt. You braced yourself as he raised the bottle, hoping it would hit the window and break it open, instead of hitting you. Instead of breaking you open.Â
The ground came crashing up towards you as you dropped, trying to avoid the bottle. The world went black around you, and you werenât sure if it was from the bottle, or from the force of your head hitting the ground.Â
The darkness only came as a relief.Â
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You were at Alexiaâs house before you had even really decided where you were going. Your forehead was bleeding a bit, and your head was throbbing. Your shin had gotten cut, too, on the way out your window. Or maybe it had gotten cut as youâd broken the glass of the window in order to climb out.Â
Realistically, you knew you should call your lawyer, who would call your case worker. Who was really the only one with the power to get you out of that house. Neither of those people made you feel safe though, not like your teammates did. Or used to. Things were fuzzy, now, blurred, and you werenât really sure if they still cared for you. If they would still feel safe. You hoped they would, because you werenât sure what else you would do if they didnât.Â
It didnât occur to you that someone other than Alexia would answer the door, but then her girlfriend was staring at you, mouth agape, and you wondered why you hadnât gone to Ingrid and Mapiâs, or Marta and Caroâs. You didn't know Olga well, werenât even sure if sheâd recognize you. She surprised you, though, turning and shouting for Alexia as her hands found yours and she gently guided you in through the door.
Your captainâs voice echoed back through the house, missing the urgency Olga had tried to convey, and you could hear her leisurely steps coming from upstairs. Olga tried to bring you into the living room, but you stopped, shaking your head.Â
âBlood.â You mumbled. âIâll get blood on the furniture.âÂ
Olga was looking at you with something that wasnât pity, or sympathy. It was anger, far from gentle anger, but her voice was soft when she spoke.Â
âDonât worry about that. Come sit down, Ale is coming.âÂ
Numbly, you let her guide you onto the couch. Alexia caught your eye as she entered the room, her face changing from mild curiosity to one of horror.Â
âOh my god,â she whispered. You looked away from her, the expression on her face forcing emotions to bubble up inside of you. Emotions you didnât want to cope with, didnât want to feel at all.Â
Olga walked over to her girlfriend, murmuring a few words, before she exited the room. Alexia took a deep breath, before she came to kneel in front of you.Â
âPequeĂąa? Are you with me?â She spoke more softly than youâd ever heard.Â
âSorry. I know itâs late.âÂ
âNo apologies, please.â She reached up to move your hair out of your face, and get a better look at the cut across your cheek that appeared to have stopped bleeding. You flinched away from her violently, and every hope sheâd had that this had been an accident flew out the window. She pulled her hand away, trying to keep her voice low and soothing.âYou are okay. You are safe. You are with me, and I am not going to let anything else happen to you.âÂ
Nodding somewhat hesitantly, you allowed her to inspect your face, crying out when her hand brushed across the bump on your head.Â
âWhat is it? What hurts?âÂ
âFell. Hit my head on the floor really hard.â You told her, every word feeling like cotton in your mouth as you tried your best to communicate.Â
âDid you lose consciousness?â Olga asked, sitting on the couch next to you, handing a towel to her girlfriend. Alexia pressed it to the cut on your shin, which was still bleeding.Â
âMaybe? Donât really remember.âÂ
The two other women exchanged looks, before they seemed to come to some kind of silent agreement.Â
âYou might have a concussion, pequeĂąa, and I think this needs stitches. I am going to take you to the hospital, okay?âÂ
You considered. The hospital meant police, meant questions you didnât want to answer. But youâd come here for help, and Alexia was just trying to give that to you.Â
âOkay.â You agreed, allowing them both to help you back to your feet. Before you could take a step, though, Alexia was tugging you into the softest hug youâd ever experienced, and it took all of your strength not to crumble completely.Â
âThank you.â You mumbled shakily, voice muffled by Alexiaâs t-shirt. She rubbed your back gently, using the hug to take a moment to pull herself together.Â
âYou donât need to thank me. Iâve got you, okay? Everything is going to be fine.âÂ
You doubted that promise, all the way to the hospital. As you answered questions you were sure would make things not fine, as you got stitched up and scanned. When they took pictures of your injuries like you were some kind of victim. Especially when you told them your dad hadnât meant it, and they exchanged disbelieving looks. It didnât really feel like everything would be fine. It felt like everything was falling apart.Â
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âAlexia, what the hell happened to her?â Olga asked, keeping her voice low so that you wouldnât hear from where you were sitting on the lounge in the other room.Â
The blonde shook her head, face twisted with worry. âI donât know. They wouldnât let me in the room when they took her statement, and she hasnât really been talking. It was her father, I know that.â
âJesus.â Olga sighed, pulling out what she needed to make you something to eat. âThey let you bring her here, though?â
Her girlfriend shifted uncomfortably. âYeah. I⌠I signed a bunch of forms to be declared her temporary guardian. But, amor, I can take her to my Mamiâs, she wouldnât mind. This is not your responsibility, and I wouldnât want to-â
âDo not be ridiculous. Sheâll stay right here. Ingrid and Mapi are nearby, so many of your other teammates too. She needs them, and she needs you. Of course sheâll stay.â Olga said incredulously, as if sheâd never considered another option.Â
Alexiaâs face softened before she all but tackled her girlfriend in a hug. âI love you.âÂ
Olga held her tight, trying to provide some reassurance. âI love you too. Now go try and see if she feels like talking. Iâll bring her something to eat in a second.âÂ
You startled when Alexia took her seat next to you, before trying to muster up a smile. It felt weak, and pulled at the cut on your cheek, but it was the best you could do.Â
âYour caseworker texted me. Theyâve arrested your father.â Alexia said carefully, watching as a myriad of emotions flashed across your face. âSo tomorrow, we can go and get your stuff, and move you into the guest room.âÂ
That felt too good to be true, there was just no way. No way that Alexia would want you to move in with her. Why would she want that?
 âI canât⌠I canât go home?â You asked. You didnât want to, and you did. You craved your home, but you also craved safety, and those two things were not congruent.Â
Why would you want to go back there? Alexia wondered. She had to remind herself that this was more complicated than she could even comprehend, and she had no business questioning how you were feeling. It was complicated, of course it was. âNo. Not by yourself, and you arenât going back there when your father gets home, either. Not if I have anything to say about it.âÂ
âI can stay by myself.â You argued weakly. âYou donât have to let me move in. You donât have to do that, I can be responsible, I can take care of myself.âÂ
Your captain shut her eyes tightly, guilt flooding through her. You were thinking of Alexiaâs harsh words to you a few days ago, and she could tell.Â
If there was anything you despised, it was being late. It was the fourth time in the past two weeks, too, and though you hadnât really been scolded yet, you knew it was coming. Sure enough, as you practically ran through the building towards the locker room, you saw Alexia and Irene waiting by the door. Seemingly, for you.Â
Your text warning them that youâd be late apparently hadnât done anything to reduce their anger.Â
You slowed down as you got to them, trying to ignore the anxiety that rose in you at the idea of being in trouble.Â
âHi.â You said meekly, stopping in front of them as they glared at you.Â
âWhat time does training start?â Alexia asked, her voice cold.Â
â10:00.â You mumbled.Â
âAnd that means on the pitch at 10, all ready to go, yes?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âWhat time is it right now?â Irene chimed in.Â
Your face was burning with embarrassment, your eyes trained on your shoes as you refused to look up at your captains. â10:20.âÂ
âThis is the fourth time in two weeks.â Irene sighed. âWhere were you?â
âI⌠I slept through my alarm.â You lied. There was no way you could admit the truth. What you were doing was your business, it was private. And you knew that if your captains found out what was going on, they would involve themselves. And you didnât want to burden them.
Alexiaâs face hardened. She felt like you were lying, but she had no evidence to back that up. And even so, she couldnât understand why you would be lying. Teenagers were weird, she reminded herself. And difficult.Â
âThat is unacceptable. You are 17, yes, but you are on this team. You are expected to act responsible and prove that you care to be here. Showing up late does not prove to us that this is a priority for you. You are benched. Until you can get your act together.âÂ
This wasnât the first issue theyâd been having with you. Youâd been distracted and distant recently. Zoning out during training, skipping team bonding. You were quieter than normal, too, which really came off as you being annoyed by your teammates. Which you werenât, not at all. You were just trying to get through. To get up every morning like everything was mine and make it to training. To get everything done that you needed, so that you could get out of your house. Where you would go when that happened, you weren't exactly sure. With the way your captains were looking at you right now, you knew you couldnât go to them. They were upset, rightfully so. You just couldnât do anything right.Â
âAle-â
âNo. I am disappointed in you. I expect you to be more responsible. Now go run your extra laps.âÂ
With a sigh and a small nod, you headed off, completely missing the slightly concerned expressions that your captains were exchanging. You just weren't yourself, and they werenât sure what to do about that.Â
Alexia hadnât understood, then. She knew that something was off, but she didnât know it was this bad. Sheâd scolded you for being irresponsible, and she knew now that was unfair. And that youâd very much taken it to heart. Youâd let her help you before, when your body was in shock, everything in fight or flight mode.Â
Now, you were withdrawing, just as youâd been doing for weeks. This time, though, Alexia didnât think it was just teenage carelessness anymore, or a rebellious phase. She could deal with her guilt for not understanding, for getting everything so wrong, later. For now, she had to make sure that you didnât completely shut down.Â
âListen to me. I didnât mean any of what I said before. I didnât know what was going on, but I do now. So let me help, okay? You donât need to worry about anything. Just let me take care of it all.â She took your hand in hers, feeling it tremble in her grip. You looked conflicted, and though there were tears in your eyes, all your captain could do was look at the jagged cut on your cheek. It wasnât deep enough to need stitches, but she was pretty sure it would scar. A reminder, forever, of what someone who was supposed to love you had done.Â
All she wanted to do was make it better. âTell me how I can help.â She asked, doing her best not to beg.Â
âI⌠um. I have a lawyer. Iâve been trying to get emancipated, I should call him.âÂ
âIâll call him tomorrow.â Alexia said quickly, watching the cautious vulnerability dawning across your face.Â
Olga walked in then, bringing both you and Alexia some food. You both ate in silence, not even the TV on to fill the void, before you leaned back into the couch and pulled your knees to your chest. You were safe, you knew you were safe, but you didnât feel it. You didnât feel much of anything, honestly. Your head hurt from the concussion, and the stitches in your shin pulled with every movement.
 The physical pain, you could deal with. It was the threat of feeling that terrified you. You felt a pang of emotion every time you looked at Alexia, though, when you saw the concern on her face, so you tried your best not to look at her.Â
Your captain and her girlfriend exchanged looks, and Olga mumbled something about going to get you some ice cream, before she grabbed her wallet and keys and left the house.Â
Within a minute, Alexia was turning her whole body towards you, completely attentive. You didnât want her attention, but you had it.Â
âWhat happened tonight, nena?âÂ
You knew the question that was coming, yet still, you were wholly unprepared for it. Youâd answered the questions earlier from the police, but that had been different. They had been strangers. Theyâd been sympathetic but professional. As much as youâd been trying to downplay what had happened in your head, you knew Alexia would be horrified to hear what had happened. And that would chip away at your very fragile belief that it hadnât been that bad.Â
âYou can tell me. Whatever happened, you can tell me.â
You decided to give her as few details as possible. âHe was really drunk. He gets like this sometimes.âÂ
âViolent?â Alexia asked bluntly.Â
âNot always. Most of the time he just yells.âÂ
âBut tonight? It was more than yelling?â She hated pushing you, but she needed to understand what had happened if she was going to be able to help.Â
You took a shaky breath before responding. âYeah. When I got home from training, he was already drunk, yelling at me.â
âWas he angry about something?â
âHeâs always angry.â You dismissed. âAlways. Ever since mom⌠he didnât want me, not really. And now mom is gone and heâs stuck with me. I think he hates me. I mean, I know he does. He tells me all the time. Thatâs what he was yelling about. How much he hated me.âÂ
You sounded detached, which Alexia was sure wasnât healthy, but she pressed on anyway, knowing that you needed to tell her what happened, and only then could she help. âWhat happened then?âÂ
âHe broke my bedroom door down and threw the bottle of vodka at me. I hit my head trying to dodge it, but I think it hit me anyway. I broke the window open and climbed out. And then⌠I donât really remember. Then I was here.â You went through it blankly, as numbly as if it had happened to someone else.Â
âOh, nena.â Alexia sighed, truly incapable of understanding how someone could be so cruel to you. You were shaking again as you glanced up at your captain with watering eyes and a trembling lip. âCariĂąo, I am so sorry this happened.âÂ
You shrugged one shoulder, trying to keep your tears at bay, but your captain persisted.Â
âYou are safe now, do you understand? I will never let him hurt you again, ever.âÂ
This time, there was no response from you.Â
âNena, look at me.â Alexia pressed, her eyes wide as they met yours. âYou are safe with me, I promise you.âÂ
You wanted to believe her, you really did. Trust was hard, though. Only harder now. If your father could hurt you and not feel any remorse, what was to say other people would feel differently? Whatâs to say you could trust anyone?Â
Alexia could practically see you come to that conclusion. Your body tensed back up, you leaned away from her, and your face grew completely blank. She wondered if she hadnât been so harsh the other day, if youâd still be so wary of her. It wasnât complete distrust, because youâd shown up on her doorstep and that was something. You were trying to protect yourself. Alexia couldnât blame you for being so afraid, she really couldnât.Â
âThank you for letting me stay here.â You told her, unsure if your shaky voice was doing a very good job conveying just how grateful you were. âI know having a 17 year old disaster move into the house you share with your girlfriend probably wasnât something you were hoping for-â
âIf I had known what was going on, I would have gotten you out of there a very long time ago.â Alexia interrupted, cursing herself when you blanched and looked at her with wide eyes.Â
âI donât get it.â You mumbled after a second. âYou donât have to do this, do any of it. Why are you doing this for me?âÂ
Alexia wished you were joking, wished she couldnât hear the genuine wonder in your voice that someone would go out of their way to help you.Â
âBecause I care about you.â Alexia said simply. âWe all do, every single member of the team. And you are welcome here for as long as you want to stay here.â
âBut Olga,â
âOlga would pick up every stray dog on the side of the road and bring it home if I let her. She doesnât mind that youâre here.âÂ
âIâm not a stray dog.âÂ
âNo, you arenât. I was just pretty sure youâd think the dog to be worthy of a home. Just like I think you are.âÂ
It was a jarring thought. The realization that you did, indeed, think of a dog as more worthy of a home than you were was a shock to your system. You werenât sure when youâd stopped being so angry, and started believing the words shouted at you, but somewhere along the way, youâd lost yourself. Without even realizing.Â
Alexia continued. âIf Olga had driven by you walking here, and had no idea who you were, she would have brought you home. She would have done exactly what she did earlier. Thatâs who she is. Sheâs happy to have you here, happy to help. Really, pequeĂąa. I promise.âÂ
You nodded, the only acknowledgement you gave her that youâd registered what she said. âSheâs been gone for a while, I thought she was just going to get ice cream?âÂ
Alexia smiled slightly, glancing away from you. âSheâs been in the drive for 10 minutes, she wanted us to finish talking without any interruptions.âÂ
You frowned at her and your captain tensed, suddenly worried she shouldnât have told you that. Worried that youâd wrench away from her and resist the help she and Olga were trying to give you.Â
Instead, you looked at her like she was a bit stupid. âThe ice cream is going to be melted, Ale.âÂ
The blonde relaxed back into the sofa, a huff of laughter falling from her lips. Sheâd forgotten how seriously you took your ice cream. It was difficult to mesh together the two versions of you in her mind; the one she knew that was happy and carefree, except when it came to the texture of your ice cream. And the one sitting in front of her, broken.Â
âWell, do you want to talk more or-â
âIf Olga walks in and my ice cream is melted, this night will really be ruined.â You deadpanned, more amused at the surprise on Aleâs face than you were at your own joke. You didnât like how sheâd been looking at you. Anything to break the tension, anything to distract from what had happened.Â
The distraction didnât last long, because your head was beginning to hurt and you were too exhausted to really hide your pain. The look of sympathy returned to Aleâs face, and to Olgaâs, and it wasnât long after you finished your ice cream that you were ushered up to bed.
If the universe was kind, a dreamless sleep would follow. You were beginning to think the universe was cruel.
------Â
You liked to think that your mom visited you in your dreams. Sometimes, they were good dreams. Warm and kind of fuzzy, but unquestionably filled with love. You found that the good dreams were the hardest to remember. The bad ones were the easiest, maybe because more often than not, they were memories.Â
Of course, the dream you had almost as soon as youâd drifted off to sleep was a bad one. It was flashes of a day that made you sick to think about. It had been a week after the funeral, and youâd yet to realize that the father youâd grown up with was gone for good. Though, that realization would come soon.Â
A few of your friends had insisted on taking you out to grab coffee. It had been agonizing, sitting and listening to them try to distract you. It was still wallowing time, you argued. You were allowed to lay in bed in a ball and cry for as long as you needed to. Grief wasnât a process that could be rushed.
Of course, your father would try. The dream grew hazy as it continued, flashes of memories more than anything. Your arrival home from coffee. The realization that he was stuffing your momâs stuff into garbage bags and boxes, labeled for donation or trash. You remembered the way your blood had boiled; fury rising that he was trying to erase her. As if that would make it any easier.Â
You remembered the way you pushed him away from her closet, tears running down your face. Your voice had trembled as youâd cursed at him, begged him not to get rid of all her stuff. Heâd cursed right back, pushed right back. Told you that he couldnât live in a house so full of memories of her. The way heâd said it, implying that you were nothing more than a painful reminder of her. A weight had settled on your chest when your first instinct was to run for your mom, and tell her what your father had said.Â
You couldnât do that anymore. There was nowhere to run to. You pushed him again, and he pushed back again. You fell to the floor, looking up at him just in time to see how horrified he looked at himself. He looked down at you in complete horror, shocked at himself for what heâd done. He backed out of the room, repeating apologies over and over.Â
That was one of the last glimpses of the father youâd known all your life that youâd had. And it would never not haunt you that youâd been the one to make things physical the first time. That made it your fault. All of it was your fault.Â
The dream ended as it always did, with you grabbing what you could from the bags and the boxes, stuffing it all into your closet. It ended with you pulling on her favorite sweatshirt, the one sheâd worn the most. It smelled like her perfume still, and you got under the covers of your bed, burying your nose in the fabric. You cried, and you pretended your mom was there with you, though she never would be again.Â
You woke as you always did, face wet with tears, but this time with a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. Youâd left all her stuff in the house. Youâd come here without it, and you needed it. Needed it now, needed to be surrounded by her like youâd been on that day.Â
It was with a blind dedication that you slipped out of Alexiaâs guest bed, put some shoes on, and went out the front door. You couldnât leave her stuff there. Not in the house that reeked of alcohol and hatred and sadness.Â
------
Alexia was pretty sure she knew where youâd gone, even if sheâd couldnât understand why. When Olga shook her awake, though, and told her that sheâd heard the front door shut, Alexia knew youâd fled. And she knew youâd gone back to that house. Back to the place you still considered home, somehow. As Alexia pulled into your driveway, she reminded herself that she couldnât understand. Growing up, sheâd only ever felt love in her house. Sheâd never been through what youâd been through, never felt anything but safe with her parents. So it didnât make sense to her that youâd go back. Not when youâd been trying to get out in the first place. But it didn'tâ need to make sense to her, because it made sense to you. And you were her only concern.Â
The front door was unlocked, and Alexia opened it carefully; the last thing she wanted was to frighten you further. The house was dark and cold, and it smelled heavily of alcohol. She followed the only light she could see down the hall to what she assumed to be your bedroom. The door bore the marks of your fathers fists, the wood dented and peeling.Â
Before she even stepped into the room, Alexia could hear you crying softly. You were neatly folding up clothes and putting them into a duffel bag. The precision with which you worked completely contrasted how disheveled you looked; each shirt and sweater folded as if it would disintegrate if you werenât careful.Â
Alexia paused in the doorway, not sure there was any way she could let you know she was here without scaring you. It seemed like you were lost in your head, regardless. Your face was set tightly, a grimace etched across it, but your hands trembled, and tears fell almost continuously. It was as if you were too emotional to keep your feelings at bay, but simultaneously felt too unsafe to really let go. Your despair leaked out like your tears did, a little bit at a time.Â
Your captain wasnât sure sheâd ever seen someone look so haunted and so numb at the same time.Â
âPequeĂąa?â She spoke as quietly and soothingly as she could, yet still, you jumped half a foot into the air, a fearful whimper escaping. âItâs okay, itâs just me. Itâs just me, youâre okay.âÂ
âAle.â You mumbled, recognizing your captain in front of you. It hadnât even been a thought that Alexia would get up and come after you. The consequences of your actions seemed so far away, like you were just acting with no follow up. There was only the present, because if you thought too hard about there being a tomorrow, you werenât sure you could survive it.Â
âHey.â Alexia cooed, taking tiny steps closer to you, moving like a snail. She sat down a safe distance away, looking curiously into the bag you were packing. You knew Alexia was wondering why you were here, and honestly, you were too. It had made sense, when youâd awoken from your nightmare and left her house. It didnât make as much sense now. âWhat are you doing back here?âÂ
There was no accusation in her tone, no frustration or annoyance, yet still, you felt the need to explain yourself. âI woke up, and I just⌠I had to come get a few things.âÂ
Alexia didnât point out that it was the middle of the night, and that certainly such a task could wait until the following day. She just nodded in understanding, even though she didnât understand, and tried to think of another question to ask. One that wouldnât be too much, but one that might get her some more answers. Because truly, your captain was at a complete loss on what to do here.Â
âWhat did you need to get?â She asked casually. This was normal, she decided. Sheâd pretend this was normal, and maybe then, youâd talk.Â
You were almost done packing the clothes. It was an odd assortment of items that Alexia had seen you place in the bag. Mostly t-shirts and sweatshirts. And sheâd never seen you wear any of it before.Â
You didnât reply right away, picking up the last sweatshirt and pulling it on. It was faded, too big on you, and there was a hole in the sleeve, but your entire body relaxed once it was on. Not much, but a noticeable amount. âJust some clothes.âÂ
âIâve never seen that sweatshirt before.â Alexia commented, a wave of sadness washing over her as she began to connect the dots.Â
âYeah, itâs- it was my momâs.â You whispered. âI just really needed to get this stuff. Sorry for leaving without saying anything.âÂ
Alexia looked at you, seeing a younger version of herself. Wearing a shirt that was much too big on her to bed, convincing herself that if she inhaled deep enough, it would still smell like him. Even if she couldnât quite remember what that scent even was.Â
âThatâs okay, nena, Iâm not upset.â The blonde gazed out the window for a moment, noticing the sun peaking above the horizon. It was bathing the room in a soft golden glow, and she noticed for the first time the broken bottle on the floor. The rest of the room was warm and soft, very you, but that bottle seemed to mar the entire atmosphere. It was a stain, and Alexia understood, suddenly, why you needed the clothes.Â
You wanted the sweatshirt for comfort, yes. But this room had probably been the last place in the house that had remained untouched from your father and his cruelties. And now it had been ruined, and you couldnât bear the thought of your most favorite possessions remaining here. Especially when youâd left.Â
You wrapped your arms around yourself and spoke quietly, almost as if youâd read Alexiaâs mind. âThis is all I really have left of her. He got rid of the rest of it but I managed to save some of her clothes. I⌠I just didnât want to leave them behind.âÂ
Didnât want to leave her behind. Not in the place that had turned into hell after sheâd gone.Â
You were trying to be strong, Alexia could tell. Jaw clenched, blinking hard. Wiping carelessly at the never ending stream of tears. Alexia remembered trying to be strong, too. How it hadnât even been something she wanted, it was just something she did.Â
âTell me about your mom.â The request escaped without her permission, and she jerked her head in your direction fearfully, terrified that it had been too much. Your lips were turning up at the corners, though, just a bit. Tears still fell, but you did as she asked.Â
âShe was really funny. We had the same sense of humor, I think, so everything she found funny, I found funny. Sheâd tell a joke I was already thinking.âÂ
Alexia hummed, a gentle encouragement as she inched closer to you. You were smiling a bit more now, still in the part of remembering that didnât yet hurt.Â
âShe always helped me with my homework after school, and she always tucked me in at night. Even when I was way too old for it.âÂ
You took a deep breath. It was overwhelming, the love you felt for her. It felt like love, but it also felt like grief. Hot, painful, lingering grief. Still, once youâd started, you didnât want to stop. You didnât want to ever stop remembering every good thing about her.Â
âShe used to watch videos of people explaining football strategies, so we could talk about them. Even when she was sick she still⌠still watched. She never missed a game, even when she was doing treatment. Sheâd sit in her car and watch from the parking lot if she had too, but she never missed a game. I was always the most important thing to her. She used to say that being my mom was the best thing sheâd ever been, that sheâd ever be.â
âShe sounds like a really good mom.â Alexiaâs hand was on the back of your head, combing delicately through your hair. It felt nice. Safe.Â
âShe was the best.â You choked out. âShe gave the best hugs, and she told me she loved me everyday. And I really really miss her.â You tried to swallow the sob that threatened to force its way out, but you couldnât. Your grief couldnât be contained, not anymore. It was an almost unconscious movement, turning to bury your face in Alexiaâs sweatshirt. Your body shook with cries, and your captain wrapped her arms around you tightly. As if she could hold you together.Â
You appreciated Alexia, more than you would probably ever be able to express. For being so patient, for coming after you, for asking about your mom. For hugging you and holding you tightly as she promised that everything would be okay. But Alexia wasnât the person you wanted.Â
The blonde didnât understand the first time you said it, your words muffled by the soft fabric of her sweatshirt. But the second time, she did, and it felt like her heart was plummeting out of her chest.Â
âI want my mom, Ale,â you sobbed. âI just- I want my mom,âÂ
She felt your words in her soul, and in that moment she would have done anything to give you what you wanted. It didnât work like that, though, and she knew that all too well. So, she rubbed your back and kissed the top of your head. She rocked you gently, and made promises. To herself, and to you.Â
âI know, I know you do.â She soothed. âIâm so sorry, cariĂąo. Everything is going to be okay. Iâve got you.âÂ
You only cried harder, and Alexia felt like crying too.Â
Nothing felt okay. But Alexia had you, and you believed that. Or at least, you wanted to.
------
Well. Have a good night everyone. tell me if you notice any typos đĽş. also tell me if you enjoyed this because i am so incredibly unsure about it.
#woso imagine#woso x reader#woso one shot#woso fanfics#woso imagines#barcelona femeni x reader#alexia putellas x reader#platonic reader#alexia putellas x platonic reader
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YOU'RE MY PROBLEM â l.heeseung
PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader GENRES: angst, fluff, humor, suggestive WC: 11.6k+
WARNINGS:Â swearing, arguing, cheating, divorce, mention of drinking. slightly smut in that there is a section (albeit brief) describing almost â very almost â sex.
SYNOPSIS: for some people, it was a problem working as a nanny because of the fatigue and effort it required. but you loved looking after hajun. the only problem was his older brother, heeseung.
NOTES:Â idk what's going on, but heeseung's been on my mind a lot these days. 2nd plot in less than two weeks and he's the owner of everything! at first this was going to have a smut, but i felt it would be too long and idk if it turned out that well, so maybe it could happen in a second part that isn't even final. but that's it for now, i hope you like it!
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"What's your problem?" that intonation was already typical when directed at you, but it still never failed to send a chill down your spine.
Sighing, you got up from the living room floor and smiled at the little boy in front of you, trying not to focus your gaze on the man next to the sofa.
"Can't you do your job properly for once?" he said to you again as he followed you into the downstairs bathroom, and you tried to ignore him as much as possible to put the first aid kit away in the drawer and leave the room. But he blocked the door.
"Can you come out, please? I want to go through" you asked, looking at him for the first time.
"I asked you what your fucking problem is" he leaned over and gritted his teeth, now he could cuss since he wasn't next to his younger brother.
"And I asked you to leave" you leaned in too, almost touching the tip of your nose to his chin because of the height difference. This caught the man completely off guard and he took a few steps back, clearing the way for you to leave the bathroom and walk into the living room.
It wasn't a horrible accident, you weren't a terrible babysitter for nine-year-old Hajun. But his older brother, Heeseung, had been a pain in the ass ever since you first set foot in the Lee house.
And it wasn't as if you'd done anything because Mrs. Lee always praised your work highly and you even did a few extra periods just to play with Hajun or stay with him when there were family problems. These, more often than not, were your suspicions as to why the Lee family had hired a nanny for their youngest, and also why Heeseung seemed so down on life. Especially with you.
It was typical for him to make some sarcastic comment, and roll his eyes when you excitedly answered something his mother had asked. Or even mutter a swear word when Hajun chooses to go out with you instead of his own brother. Jealous? Or that intensified the anger Heeseung felt even more, you just didn't want it to be directed completely at you. In your mind, Heeseung was already like that because of something that happened in the family â and you'd always been curious to ask, you just didn't have the courage â so, because you were the only person who was easy to get along with apart from his mother and younger brother, the boy only had you to put it all out there.
You weren't such a bad listener, you could call Heeseung to sit down after your babysitting shift and tell him everything that was bothering you. Why he was so angry and, most importantly, why did he seem to hate you? Your memory tried to capture a moment when you could have given him a curt reply, a grimace or simply been rude, but no.
As soon as you arrived and introduced yourself as Hajun's new nanny, Heeseung just rolled his eyes and left the room.
"Don't worry about him, Y/n" Mrs. Lee smiled lovingly at you "Heeseung is going through a difficult process, I think he'll get better soon. He's sweet."
You hoped he would be. And you waited for months to see that Heeseung was still the same... Maybe his process would take forever and you would have been chosen to be his punching bag.Â
But one day it would get tiresome. Surely you knew that you would respond in full, even if you were afraid of losing your job because he might be able to get his mother's head around firing you.Â
Back in the living room, you smiled at Hajun when you saw the little boy smile at you too. Your gaze completely ignored Heeseung sitting in the armchair next to his brother.
"Come on Y/n, I was telling Seungie how I fell in the park earlier" the little boy had no idea what had happened minutes ago between you and Heeseung, and you preferred it that way. Your priority was always to protect Hajun and be with him.
You sat down next to him, feeling Hajun's small hands wrap around yours.
"So I went to play ball with some boys, but Y/n told me not to go barefoot because it could be dangerous for me" Hajun formed a pout on his lips as he looked away from Heeseung to his bruised knee, now completely clean and bandaged "And I didn't listen" Hajun looked at you now, showing his newly grown teeth "Do you forgive me, Y/n?"
"Oh, of course" you hugged him as he laid his head on your shoulder.
Heeseung huffed from the other side of the sofa, running his hand through his hair impatiently.
"Anyway, do your job properly next time" he got up and left the room, leaving you with Hajun as he climbed the stairs with his feet tapping.
You felt the younger man move beside you, looking into your eyes while still smiling. Hajun was an amazing child and you felt your heart sink every time you thought that, if it wasn't for you, he might be alone in this house.
Not completely alone, Heeseung worked in his room a few days a week and Hajun could ask his brother for help with anything, as he was extremely protective of the youngest. But if it wasn't for you, the little one wouldn't do his homework. He couldn't go out to the park in the next block, let alone go to the movies in the late afternoon because he was too bored to do anything indoors.
Thanks to you, Hajun had company every day. And that was the thought you had when Mrs. Lee hired you to keep him company.
"Ignore him" Hajun's voice brought you out of your thoughts and back to the reality you were in at that very moment. The little boy was already standing in the middle of the room "Heeseung is a pain in the ass when he wants to be."
"Hey, watch your mouth, young man" you laughed when he grimaced.
"Seriously, afterâ" Hajun sighed, looking at you "Never mind."
"You know you can tell me whenever you want, right?" you stood up too, walking over to him to ruffle the younger man's dark hair.
Hajun nodded, smiling at you and asking you to make him a brownie. Because he deserved it and he was hurting. This made you laugh because, although the mood changed drastically in that house, you knew that he always tried to take everything in good humor.Â
Hajun's slip in the previous few minutes only made you even more certain that something was going on, and your heart squeezed to see that he was aware of the problems within his own house even at his young age. So, more than ever, your determination to take care of him spoke louder. Because Hajun was your priority in that house. And that would always be the case.
With your head in your hands, you felt like screaming as you stared at the computer in front of you. Life as a university student was complete shit, even more so when you were forced to start a project and didn't even know where to begin.
Your two best friends were sitting right in front of you with their projects very well developed, but it was as if only your head was short-circuiting because nothing was good enough.
"You're going to tear your hair out soon" Jake leaned over the table to pull one of your hands away from your face, taking his attention away from his project.
"Can I rip my head off?" you almost cried as you looked at him, both of you looking away to Ryunjin sitting next to you.
"Why are you like this?" she asked.
"Is it because of the project?" Jake was already sitting properly in his seat, his eyes still on you and Ryunjin too. You nodded in agreement, swallowing dryly when the girl sighed.
"Or is it for someone else?" Ryunjin emphasized the question when she looked at you.
The table was now a little chaotic with Ryunjin peeking out with a smile on her lips, you trying to wiggle out of it and Jake looking between the two friends like a lost puppy.
"What the fuck is going on? Because I think I've lost something" the boy finally said.
"Heeseung, again" Ryunjin answered for you "He's still being an asshole to Y/n. Hasn't your little friend said anything worthwhile to let us know what happened?"
Jake opened and closed his mouth to answer but to no avail. He was a friend of Heeseung's, fortunately, or unfortunately, the boy went to the same university as you. Being Jake's friend, he once let slip that his mother was looking for someone to look after Hajun. And since you needed money... you could just combine the useful with the pleasant.
But your friend seemed to be as lost as you were, or at least he pretended very well. As one of Heeseung's best friends, it would be difficult for him to tell you if something was going on that could involve you. But he was also your best friend. This standoff with Jake could leave you confused and feeling bad on both sides, which is why you never pressured him to tell you anything.
"He's just having some problems" Jake tried to be vague on the subject.
"He's the problem, Jake" you closed your computer, giving up on working on a project you knew would come to nothing. Your head was full â unfortunately of annoyance about Heeseung â and nothing could make you concentrate on the moment "He was really rude to me last time, you know?"
He knew.
He listened to Heeseung swear for ten minutes about how you could let Hajun get hurt. Then he let his friend cool off and tried to argue that it wasn't your fault. Heeseung understood and even pondered whether he had been too hard on you.
"I... No, what did he do?" Jake nibbled his lower lip to suppress a sigh as he began to listen to everything he had to say.
From his perspective it wasn't your fault, Heeseung was too hard on you and anything you did. Sometimes Jake felt like telling you everything, telling you how many times he'd lost count by cursing Heeseung for his behavior. Or wanting to punch him just because his friend took out his frustrations on the wrong things.
"You need to talk to him to stop being like that with Y/n" Ryunjin caught Jake's eye, making him look at her "Or I'll shove some architectural material up his ass. Name one."
"A piece of concrete?" Jake frowned. He had no idea which materials were architectural, Heeseung did that course, not him. Jake was a computer scientist, just like Ryunjin.
She smiled with satisfaction at the answer and then looked at you.
"Now don't think about him and focus on your project, my love" Ryunjin reached out to touch your hand gently "I bet your designers are going to be amazing."
"We can't wait to see it" Jake also celebrated, taking your other hand and running his thumb over the back of it in affectionate contact.
Even with all the stuff going on in your life, the daily stress of dealing with the older brother of the little boy you were looking after, being in the presence of your friends seemed to cure everything and then some. Even though Jake was Heeseung's friend, that didn't change the way your friend treated you or how much he wanted to see you well.Â
Ever since these disagreements between you and Heeseung started happening, Jake made it clear to both parties that he didn't want to be a part of it. Ryunjin even complained once that she would be part of it and still defend you, but no one listened â thankfully.Â
After some time exchanging glances with your friends and smiling, you decided to focus on your project because, even if time was in your favor and the deadline was a month away, being prepared and ahead of schedule was your motto.
Taking advantage of a few vacant classes at college was perfect for going to a remote table on campus and working on whatever it was. These get-togethers with your friends were what got you out of stressful and bad times, even if you saw them on some weekends or in some classes. Just sitting there, chatting away regardless of the subject, made you feel a little better.
"Jake, dude, I finally found you" the voice took you away from your more peaceful thoughts and gratitude for your friends to focus forward. The boy whose name had been called stared after you with soft eyes, but as soon as he noticed your gaze on him, Jake's eyes widened slightly "Are you studying?"
Heeseung's voice was unmistakable to you. And at that moment you wanted to dig a hole and hide, or run out of there just so you wouldn't have the pleasure of bumping into the boy at his study table.
"Tidying up projects" Jake hissed, squeezing Ryunjin's leg under the table when he felt his friend move in her place. Her gaze was locked on Heeseung so angrily, yet the boy didn't notice, too distressed to find Jake.
"Can I join you here?" he asked "I need to finish some university homework and then we need to meet Jay for a game of basketball."
"Sure" Jake gave a small smile and beckoned Heeseung to sit down.
No. Not. Jake and Ryunjin were sitting next to each other, so the only vacant seat was right next to you.
Heeseung sat down without looking in their direction. He smiled at Ryunjin as a silent greeting, but she took it in her stride and ended up nodding at him politely after looking at you at the same moment Heeseung did.
The boy's eyes could come out of their orbs if it were possible, the way he opened them. Fidgeting uncomfortably on the bench next to you, he was in a bit of shock, even looking a little vulnerable given the circumstances that Heeseung always looked fierce when he was around you at his house.
"Y/n?" he asked, afraid that you were real.
"Hey" you said quietly.
He didn't know what to say, how could he forget that Jake was always with you on campus if you weren't with him? Why didn't Heeseung check out the people at that table before he sat down?
There were so many questions circling his mind that, as the boy saw you ignore him to open the computer and focus on your study, maybe he should do the same.
Focusing on his university homework while he waited for Jake to finish his project and then meet his other friends was what he had to do. All Heeseung had to do was answer a few questions that the teacher had given him in class and hope that his friend would finish as quickly as possible.
"Heeseung" Ryunjin called out after a while, her gaze flicking between him and you. You both looked very uncomfortable next to each other and it was so clear. Even more so after he arrived and didn't greet you properly, it wouldn't go unnoticed by your best friend.
"Hey, Ryunjin" he tried to smile amiably, almost feeling a shiver run down his spine when she leaned over the table, resting her elbows on the stone. She smiled strangely; he had seen it before when the girl was sarcastic or about to fight with someone. Was she going to fight with him?
"Is there concrete in your course building?" she asked.
Heeseung frowned in complete confusion. That question had no basis in fact, but at least she wasn't angry with him, so he could relax a little and not feel any more chills as the girl still stared at him.
"We have several, will you need them?"
"Yes" she said.
"Sure, but what for?" when Heeseung asked and Ryunjin was about to answer, you quickly closed your computer. Praying that everything was intact even with the small bang.
This startled the three at the table â even you â so you got up and grabbed your backpack.
"I remembered that I need to go with Ryunjin to the library, now" your emphasis was a complete answer to the fact that your friend would have to follow you. Jake was grateful that she obeyed, even if it was against her will, putting her things away as she picked up the backpack to leave.
"Why did she want concrete?" Heeseung looked at Jake after you and Ryunjin left, laughing quietly and focusing on the questions he needed to answer, missing his friend's gaze, which was a little shocked.
"I have no idea" Jake lied.
Or omitted, exactly. Heeseung didn't need to know the intentions of the girl who had ranted at him minutes before he arrived at the table.
Of all the things Heeseung wanted to put out of his mind, one was to know exactly where to find the person who had hurt him the most. Who broke up the perfect family he thought he had.
Heeseung wanted to be able not to remember the bar his father frequented, but here he was. Across the street watching the large glass windows, and inside the establishment, people were drinking and celebrating something.
He was drinking too. He was already on his third bottle and brought the glass up to his lips to finish off the bitter liquid which, at this point, no longer had any effect. Heeseung was focused on the male figure who was laughing and raising his glass of alcohol to talk to some other men. So this was how his father looked every Thursday night before going home. That's how Heeseung followed him one night, tired of seeing his father come home late only to catch him drinking in that damn bar, with a woman sitting on his lap who must have been Heeseung's age.
His father didn't see him he didn't want to cause a fuss and make his mother even more worried because, frankly, Heeseung was on the other side of town and late at night. But he couldn't hide it when he got home and told his mother. She was an amazing woman and didn't deserve the kind of thing that was happening right behind his back and that of the whole family.
Heeseung didn't know that he could feel as strongly repulsed by someone as he did by the man who, at that moment, staggered out of the bar with another woman hanging around his neck.
He felt nauseous, wanting to throw up the beers he had bought while his eyes stung and blurred. But the figure of the man on the other side who was dialing something on his cell phone was clear, waiting for the app car together with another woman. She was different from the woman Heeseung first caught him with, so his father was with a different one every time. That was even more disgusting.
"Let's go to my apartment, baby" he laughed out loud as soon as the car arrived, letting the woman get in first and him follow behind. Leaving Heeseung's sight as the car pulled away.
"Fucker" Heeseung kicked the glass bottle against the sidewalk to break it instantly.
The tears were already rolling freely down his face and he didn't care that he was crying, he'd held it in for so long since the last two days. He stayed in his room so that he could cry in peace without his mother or Hajun noticing. He didn't want to worry them because he was now the oldest male figure there. While his mother worked all the time at the company, Heeseung needed to be there for Hajun even if you were with him.Â
His thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of Heeseung's cell phone, startling him briefly as he picked it up to see who was calling. His mother.Â
Involuntarily, a sad smile formed amidst the tears and he didn't think twice about answering the call.
"Hi son, where are you?" she asked on the other end of the line.
"I came for a walk" he struggled to keep his voice from sounding so sad and tearful, clearing his throat as he sniffled "Is everything all right? Do you need anything?"
"Everything's fine, don't worry" she laughed, making Heeseung laugh too. That laugh that he missed, knowing that it was slowly coming back "It's just that a great opportunity has arisen to close a deal with another partner in the company and I'm going to have to travel to the neighboring city for a week."
"And Hajun?" he asked.
"I've just spoken to Y/n, she's going to sleep at home" his mother just passed on the information, showing that the decision had already been made. And even if it wasn't, Heeseung couldn't do much since he knew that his younger brother needed the nanny's care. He couldn't be available to look after Hajun.
"All right" he said afterward, "I'm coming home."
"Okay, my son. Come back carefully, okay?" she seemed to be smiling as she spoke, which warmed Heeseung's heart "Be a good boy with the two of them at home, please."
"I will" he replied "Bye mom, I love you."
"I love you more, my boy" and saying that, she hung up.
Heeseung felt less bad about his mother's call, but he still couldn't forget the scene he had seen a few minutes ago. He knew that his mother was moving on and accepting the divorce as best she could, but Heeseung couldn't forgive the betrayal. The way his father had acted in the face of everything. He hadn't spoken to the man since he found out, choosing to ignore his calls and messages and telling his mother not to go to the university. Heeseung didn't want to see him. He'd rather pretend he'd never met or lived with a lying father than have to say anything to the man.
Maybe he needed to go home like he said he would. His head was already beginning to buzz with disparaging and angry thoughts, which he wanted to get rid of quickly.Â
A hot bath and a video game were all Heeseung needed at the moment to feel cleansed of everything he had witnessed that day. Not that it had been much, but he hadn't come home from university. He hadn't arrived at the same time as Hajun from school so that he could have lunch with him. Heeseung wandered around every familiar corner until he stopped at an app car and went straight to that damn bar. Now it was time to get another app car and go home.
Heeseung felt angry with himself for letting anger take over every fiber of his body, while he could do the same as his mother. Or even Hajun, who was already asking less about the man daily. Perhaps the younger brother wouldn't even remember his father if he wasn't mentioned, and the elder wanted it that way. He wanted his brother not to have the proximity he had to see how disgusting and untruthful the man who once lived with them was.
"Thank you" Heeseung thanked the driver as soon as he pulled up in front of his house, getting out of the car and waving quickly.
He took slow steps to the front door to see that everything was dark, you had probably already put Hajun to bed and that would be a relief. The two of you would be asleep and you wouldn't see the deplorable state that Heeseung had arrived home in.
In as much silence as he could manage, he unlocked the door and opened it, then locked it and looked around. Absolute silence inside the house. It brought Heeseung a little peace to think that the motherfucker he had seen earlier would never set foot in his house again.
He took off his shoes and the jacket he was wearing, throwing the garment on the sofa and feeling his body begin to tire. His throat was dry from the beers and from crying, his eyes would surely swell up because of it and Heeseung always forgot that fact. It was a pain. So maybe a little water would at least save his throat; he'd deal with his morning appearance later.
Heeseung walked to the kitchen only to feel a scream escape his mouth as the fridge door slammed shut.Â
"Fuck" he put his hand over his chest as he looked at your equally frightened figure. You had also let out a little scream, but he only heard his own because his ears were ringing "Why is everything out?" he asked when he saw you moving away from the fridge.
"I thought you'd already arrived, IÂ didn't want to disturb you" you held up the bottle of juice, probably something you'd drink while you were there until you fell asleep.
Heeseung just nodded and walked over to the light switch, squeezing his eyes shut along with you when the brightness hit. It didn't take long to get used to it before he looked at you, swallowing dryly as you looked back at him.
"Is everything okay?" you asked. Heeseung was going to ask why but forgot that his eyes and the tip of his nose were probably red because he had been crying.
Shit. Continuing with the light off could have been better.
"I don't want to talk about it" he replied immediately, his nervous tone returning as Heeseung looked away from you.
"Heeseungâ"
"You're here to look after Hajun, right?" turning to look at you, Heeseung felt his eyes misting up again. He didn't know why he felt like crying while standing in front of you, one of the only people he didn't want to show himself vulnerable to apart from his younger brother and his mother "So why don't you do your job, and stop asking questions?"
For a split second, Heeseung saw your shoulders slump, the bottle of juice resting on the sink and your lips parting to say something. He blinked a few times to keep the tears from falling.
"What's your problem?" you finally said to him, your chest aching and your heart beating fast from nervousness "I have no idea what's happened to you" with each word, you took a tiny step towards him because Heeseung was blocking the passage from the kitchen worktop to the main door to leave the room. You had no choice but to approach him "But don't take your frustrations out on me!" you wanted to shout the last sentence, but out of respect for Hajun and for him being asleep, all you did was poke his chest a little harder. Pushing your index finger in there.
Heeseung closed his eyes as he felt your finger pushing him, but before you could push him away, he grabbed your hand.Â
Your eyes widened at him because that was the first touch the two of you had shared since you started working at the Lee family home. His fingers were warm against your wrist and you wanted to struggle to get out of his grip, but without a doubt, Heeseung was stronger and faster. Pulling your body against his and wrapping his other arm around your waist.
It would be foolish to ask what or why, and even more foolish to try to get out of there because with every reluctant movement you made, he pulled your body even tighter against him. He tilted his face towards you, lowering it enough to touch his forehead to yours, and you took the opportunity to lean in and meet his lips halfway.Â
The touch of Heeseung's lips was soft, his tongue pressing against your bottom lip was electrifying and when he wrapped the muscle around yours, you could taste the lingering taste of beer in his mouth. It wasn't as if you'd never drunk before, but feeling the alcohol in someone else's mouth, Heeseung's had made your whole body shiver.
He pulled your body closer until his big hands and firm fingers pressed your waist to your butt. Giving small touches to your thigh, he wanted to signal you to jump into his lap, and without disobeying you did so, already knowing that your butt would be in contact with the cold marble countertop in the kitchen.Â
Your legs wrapped around Heeseung's waist and body to pull him closer while you lost yourself in his lips. It would be a lie to say that he didn't notice every detail of your face, and you would also be a hypocrite to say that you didn't look at him a little more closely when he wasn't looking at you. But feeling the softness of those lips that were always frowning in your direction was wonderful.
Heeseung lowered his lips to your chin and kissed down to your jaw, then down to your neck, and like a damn pro, he hit exactly the spot that made your whole body shudder. Your reaction couldn't have been different, letting out a sly moan and clamping your legs even tighter around him. When Heeseung's body tightened between your legs, he instinctively moved his hips towards your, thrusting his hips to give your better friction between his legs.Â
Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging at each strand while your mouth worked wonders on his skin down to his collarbone.Â
He moved his hips again, this time you could feel Heeseung's semi-hard cock pressing against your pajama-clad pussy. Moaning once more, you tugged on his hair as he lifted his head to kiss you again.
It was breathtaking how he felt between your legs, taken by your lips and touching your body with his fingertips. Your waist was perfect, fitting exactly between his palms as he pressed you even tighter against him. It was Heeseung's turn to moan against your lips when you planted your feet on his lower back to press Heeseung's hips even tighter against yours, nibbling on his lower lip to catch your breath.
"Y/n" he moaned your name and you almost whimpered and asked him to rip off all your clothes and fuck you right there. Heeseung would do it for sure, you wouldn't even think of denying it because of the way he was squeezing every curve of your body and chasing his lips to kiss you again.
If it hadn't been for the incessant crying upstairs. The two of you separated for a few seconds to see if you had heard the same thing. Heeseung's eyes traveled to yours and then to the kitchen door, hearing Hajun's crying again.
With great difficulty, he climbed out from between your legs, feeling the loss of contact grow cold between his fingers as he took a few steps back and took your hand to help you down from the worktop. Heeseung looked at you a little better this time. Lips reddened and the skin on your neck the same, a few bite marks he'd left while kissing there made him smile a little sideways as he saw your eyes go down to his cock.
"Oh" Heeseung threw his oversized blouse over it, even though it only covered half of his lower body, but he couldn't stop it.Â
You'd even tease him about how beautiful he looked with his hair messed up â by you â and his red mouth too inviting to keep kissing. But Hajun had called your name, taking you away from all the unholy thoughts you were having in the kitchen with Heeseung.
"Shit" you turned away from Heeseung and watched him throw his head back, as frustrated as you were to get it over with as the two of you ran to the top of the stairs. Climbing each step a little faster until you entered Hajun's room and were followed by his older brother "Hey, I'm here."
"I had a bad dream, Y/n" he was crying, hugging your body quickly as soon as you sat on the edge of the bed.
You kissed the top of Hajun's head and looked at the door, beckoning Heeseung to come in too. And so he did.
"Hey buddy, are you okay?" Heeseung knelt beside the bed where you were sitting with Hajun.
"Seungie" the younger man pulled out of your embrace, this time choosing to hug his brother, "I had a bad dream."
"Do you want to tell us what it was like?" Heeseung asked.
Hajun remained quiet for a while still hugging Heeseung, probably calming down from the fright he'd had as he got out of his brother's arms and lay back on the bed. You dried the stubborn tears from his face with such a gentle touch, that it made Heeseung wonder if you would have done the same for him if you had seen him cry earlier.
What kind of fucking thought is that, Heeseung? He pushed any thoughts of this aside and focused on the scene in front of him, seeing that Hajun looked a little calmer as he sighed.
"I dreamt about my father" the mention of the man, made Heeseung's jaw clenched, and he wanted to curse himself so much for seeing that your eyes were on him now. Surely this could come up as a topic of conversation or, worse, now you could find out about his father. And that was a subject Heeseung didn't want anyone to know about.
"And do you remember what it was like?" you asked.
"Never mind, Hajun's tiredâ"
"He fought with me in the dream" Hajun interrupted Heeseung who was already on his feet, he didn't want to pace around while listening to his brother's dream "And then I saw him beating up Seungie and leaving the house with my favorite teddy bear."
Before Hajun could cry again, you grabbed one of his hands and kissed it.
"It was just a dream, it won't happen, Junie" trying to reassure the little boy that it would never happen was easier than you thought. He smiled at you.
"Promise you won't let it happen? That you'll look after me, but Heeseung too?"
Hajun's eyes were so pleading and piteous. You wondered if Heeseung did the same thing when he wanted something. But also, you wondered why that had been said. Why had Hajun asked you to do that kind of thing?
Your lack of words made Heeseung restless, moving from side to side until he went to the bedroom door. Perhaps you had been clear in your attitude that you were only there to look after Hajun. He just didn't know why it was bothering him so much, leaving a slight tightness in his chest. It could be because of his brother's dream, of course! That was it, wasn't it? Or was it his lack of an answer?
Heeseung didn't want to think too much, he didn't want to let anything get to him. But he was completely wrong when standing in the doorway of Hajun's room, he heard you.
"I promise, Junie."
If before it was inevitable not to look at you while you were around, now it seemed impossible for Heeseung to look away from you. Even having to spend a whole week with just you, him, and Hajun.Â
The boy had the vivid memory of your lips against him in that kitchen every time he saw you say something. Your mouth moved to answer something his younger brother or talk on the phone to his mother because she called and wanted to know if everything was okay. Heeseung wanted to curse himself for remembering the sounds you made and how he felt when he got between your legs. It might have sounded pathetic to any guy who said it out loud, especially if it was about you.
He'd certainly heard half an hour of Jake's lecture about what had happened, especially as he didn't dare to say much afterward.
"She thinks I'm an idiot, then?" Heeseung asked.
"More than usual? Absolutely" Jake wanted to throw anything in his hand at his friend's head, especially after he saw the gleam in Heeseung's eye when he talked about you.
It was clear that all that denial was turning into attraction and Sim knew it would, he didn't read the silly novels that Ryunjin pushed at him for nothing, something would have to do and sure enough, it was the analysis he'd done on your â unofficial â relationship with Heeseung. Something he kept quiet until his older friend opened his mouth and told him everything.
At first, the kiss had been something that had shocked Jake, after all, Heeseung couldn't spend two seconds next to you without an argument breaking out. But as he went on to tell you about the events and how he had been acting around you during that week, something in Jake clicked. It wasn't necessarily a crush, but something in Heeseung about finding you attractive or starting to take a romantic interest in you.
"That's got to be a joke, doesn't it?" Heeseung turned to Jake and then looked at Sunghoon, another friend of the two of them who always listened to the lamentations and frustrations about how Heeseung had argued â again â with you.
"Firstly, you didn't deny it at any point when Jake talked about you being attracted to Y/n ever since we arrived" Sunghoon leaned back even further in the cafÊ chair, holding back a smile when he saw his friend's eyes go wide "Secondly, you kissed her, like, do you do that with someone you can't stand?"
Heeseung wanted to say yes, that was exactly it. It would be normal to kiss someone he can't stand, right? But the question would be... Why can't he stand himself?Â
After keeping quiet for a while, he tried to forget how right his friends were because he didn't want to dwell on something he was struggling to forget, especially since his mother's week away was over and that meant you'd be going back home. No more seeing you at home all the time, at least not alone. This would give him time to think more calmly and put all his thoughts in order, which could make him even more confused if it were possible.
Sighing heavily after returning from university, Heeseung just wanted to throw himself on his bed and forget about all that mental confusion for the next few days. Isolate himself, do his homework, and pretend you weren't downstairs in his house. Maybe that would be easy. Maybe he could ignore it a little and try not to run around looking like an idiot in front of you because he's had a whole week, uninterrupted, to say a single word to you. But no, Heeseung couldn't.
At least he said good morning and smiled at you every day while you were with Hajun, right? You shouldn't smile back, you shouldn't make him almost scream internally because you were being nice to him.Â
Shit, Heeseung. You sound like a teenager, you idiot. He might even have continued talking in his head if it hadn't been for the voices coming from the living room.Â
Heeseung didn't want to think that he had arrived at his house after you and that he would see the scene of you fooling around with Hajun. He tried to run as far as he could when Jake gave him a lift so he wouldn't have to wait for you to get home and have lunch with you. At least not that day. But to the boy's surprise, the voices were much more different than his own.Â
And he knew â unfortunately â who it was.
"Look, you're here" in the old days, Heeseung would have given anything to hear that voice cheerfully after coming home from school, perhaps if he were in eighth grade again. But coming home from university with a sick feeling in his stomach, he just wanted to throw up as he looked at his father.
"Son" his mother got up from the sofa where she was, not so close to his father, and they both seemed to be having an amicable conversation before Heeseung arrived.
"What are you doing here?" he asked directly to the man who was trying to smile in his direction.
"Your father called me yesterday, he misses you and Hajun" his mother had the sweetest voice of all, and on any occasion. Heeseung wanted to ask her how she was feeling in the presence of that man. It was impossible to have such a beautiful smile and calm voice after everything he had done.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" he knew that his pent-up anger would come out somehow, he just didn't want to explode in front of his mother. At least Hajun wasn't there.
"I asked your mother to spend a weekend with you and Hajun" he took a step forward to try to get closer to Heeseung. The boy did the same, mustering the only ounce of sanity he had not to slam his fist into the man's face. Unfortunately, it was still his father.
"I won't, and you won't get Hajun out of this house."
"Heeseung" his mother called out.
"What's your problem, Mom? Really?" Heeseung turned away from his father and walked to the middle of the room to approach his mother. It was almost like a plea when he let out, "After everything he's done, you still have the nerve to let him in and allow this? No!"
"He's still your father, my son" she smiled weakly "And it's only a weekend..."
"No" he said.
The protests could continue, Heeseung knew that this discussion would be so long that they would spend hours in that room. They shouted and protested that they wouldn't leave, but the door opened quickly.
Hajun's hurried footsteps and the conversation he was having with you were the reason the three of them shut up immediately.
"I can't do without this ice cream, Y/n. Please" Hajun whined. When you laughed, it was the only thing that could make Heeseung relax his shoulders, even if he didn't want to admit it. The sound of your laughter so close up awakened something in him.
"We can go to the other side of town after you've done your homework" you said, making the little boy giggle. Okay, maybe you were right, but he'd still convince you to go across town to the best ice cream parlor you and he had visited last week.
"Dad?" Hajun was the first to enter the room, looking at the scene before him. Upon hearing this, you took a few more hurried steps behind the little boy to be equally shocked by what you were seeing.
The father of the Lee family was there, for the first time since you started babysitting Hajun. Mrs. Lee had a small smile when she saw the little boy go towards her to hug him affectionately. But what caught your eye was Heeseung's furious look. That look you knew because it was the only thing you saw all that time, except when he looked at Hajun or his mother.
So Heeseung was angry at his father, the man who was smiling at you at that moment.
"Hello, you're..." he tried to make conversation when he saw that no one would say anything.
"Oh, I'm Y/n, Hajun's nanny" you approached to greet the smiling man, smiling too. But as soon as your hand almost touched him, a strong tug on your wrist made you stagger backward.
Your eyes quickly searched for the reason to find Heeseung already looking at you.
"Come up with Hajun, please" he ordered.
"Heeseung..."
"Not now, just go up with him" he whispered when he saw that Hajun was engaged in an awkward conversation with his father and mother "And stay there as long as you can."
"Are you okay?" Heeseung didn't want to have another clash of feelings at that moment, especially with your gaze so intensely on him. So he just nodded quickly and looked away to the other three.
"Junie, go upstairs with Y/n. I heard you need to do your homework..."
"But I wanted to meet the babysitter and, well, spend some time with your brother" the older man seemed quite nice, but if that was the reason Heeseung was clenching his hands into fists, it was certainly a false front.
"Hajun, go with Y/n" was the older brother's final word, and from the way the little boy didn't even question it, you knew it was something much more delicate.
As a silent apology, Mrs. Lee waved to you and Hajun before going upstairs to the youngest's room.
"Do you want to take a shower before you start your homework?" you asked, going to his closet to get some clothes that were more comfortable than his school uniform.
Searching for some sweat shorts and a T-shirt, you turned towards him to see Hajun's eyes redden and shine. Running up to the little one, you knelt in front of him before feeling little arms encircling your neck.
"Hey, hey, hey... Are you okay?" you whispered as you hugged him, sitting down on the floor to welcome the little one into a tight embrace.
"I don't like it, Y/n... I don't like it."
"What? What don't you like?" as you asked, your hands went straight to the little one's hair to stroke it as you let him cry in your embrace.
Hajun cried silently for a few minutes, sobbing softly as he felt a little safer in your arms.
"The last time Dad was here..." he sighed between whimpers, lifting his head a little to meet your face "He and Heeseung had a nasty fight, but neither of them knows that I know."
"Your mother knows?" you asked, Hajun agreed.
It was the night the betrayal came to light that Heeseung didn't want to put his mother through all that lying to sustain a marriage that was only for her. His father had been gone for a long time, or at least trying to maintain an appearance that didn't exist.
Hajun was supposed to be asleep that night, but Heeseung's furious shouts woke him up, causing him to get out of bed and open the bedroom door with a crack. Hearing the swearing and shouting, he also heard something. It sounded like a struggle. Mrs. Lee's crying aroused Hajun's despair and he almost went downstairs to see what was going on, why Heeseung was cursing his father. Hajun had never heard his older brother swear like that.
But before he could go downstairs, his mother stopped midway with watery eyes and a silent plea for him to go back to his room.
"Stay here, okay? And don't tell them about it" Hajun knew something was very wrong because he had never seen his mother cry. And after a few minutes, the fighting seemed to stop.Â
The front door slammed hard and then Hajun tried to forget what had happened for so long until he only remembered after seeing his father's figure standing there in the middle of the room. They were flashes of the small event that was much bigger, and it made you even more curious because Hajun's words were few, even though they contained a lot of information since you were left in the dark when you arrived.
At least there was something to know, but it wasn't as if you needed to ask him everything either. You just wanted to protect him and you would do that, the questions could come later.
"God, dude, stop drinking" Jake whined as Heeseung poured himself another glass, ignoring his friend's protests.
"Why?" he asked "As far as I remember, we came here because I'm sad and I need to get drunk."
"Drunk is fine, but not to the point of vomiting" Jake took another glass away from Heeseung "I'm taking you away and I don't want anyone vomiting in my car."
It was a fair point, but Heeseung didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He wanted to forget the last few weeks.
He wanted to forget that, unfortunately, his father had had a shitty, friendly talk with his mother, agreeing that he would take Hajun away for at least one weekend to go for a walk or do something nice. Even if the boy's fights and constant swearing came to nothing. He knew he couldn't stop it, not legally, so as long as nothing happened to the little boy, Heeseung vowed not to speak a word to his father.Â
Then he became even more frustrated by your presence in his home, and this was because, as the days went by, he realized that he could feel something. Not even the slightest something for you. But what he didn't count on was the fury that went through his whole being when he saw you laughing with a boy in the university cafeteria. Heeseung hardly ever saw you there, or if he did, it was always with Ryunjin, so why did it bother him so much?
The last fact had been a state secret, none of his friends knew anything about it. So they attributed Heeseung's bad mood and sadness to the events with his father and how powerless he felt to let Hajun meet the man he hated most on the face of the earth.
"I might as well go home alone" Heeseung flashed all his pearly teeth in a childish grin when Sunghoon arrived with a few more glasses.
He was such a savior of the fatherland, making his sad friend, who just wanted to get drunk at that moment, happy.
"So why did you ask me for a ride?" Jake raised one eyebrow, smiling "Why did you say you wouldn't drive and I was supposed to take you back home?"
"Because you love me and would do anything for me" Heeseung picked up another glass and turned away from Jake to drink.
There was no point in arguing or stopping the tallest boy from drinking that night, not even Sunghoon could do it. The only way out was to surrender and let Heeseung enjoy as much as he could, even if Jake sneered every time the glass was against Lee's lips.
He wondered what the car would look like if it swayed too much while he was taking Heeseung home, or what he would look like in the back seat or even in the back if he had to take Sunghoon too.
And it was this scene that Jake found himself in, a few hours later, as he carried his two best friends out of the bar. Sunghoon was in the driver's seat to guide the way while Heeseung sat in the back seat, his legs wide apart and his head resting against the back of the seat.
Jake looked in the rearview mirror, afraid that some fluid would come out of Heeseung's mouth or that he would have to stop abruptly so that his friend would run off and vomit. But no, the journey continued normally until the three of them stopped in front of Lee's house. Meanwhile, Heeseung's mind was far away. Closed eyes had been a plague on his life for the past few weeks because every time it happened, your face would appear in his mind. It was something Heeseung tried at all costs to ignore. Something he swore to himself that if it happened again, he would have to take action.
And it was impossible not to think about you after the last scene he saw, your smile at that other boy still played like a memorized movie in his mind and even if you hadn't meant it, Heeseung had no right to feel that way. He was the one who had been a jerk to you all along, you couldn't be expected to be sweet to him about it.Â
"Heeseung" Sunghoon called out, turning back to touch his friend's knee. He opened his eyes slowly, getting used to the idea of seeing his friend's face and not his own in his thoughts.
"What's up?" he asked as soon as he was off the bench and sitting properly.
"We're here" Jake said, turning off the car "Do you want us to go in with you?"
A while of silence was enough for Heeseung's mind to wander even further and, without realizing it, it had already come out of his mouth without giving him a chance to regret it.
"Take me to Y/n's house."
"What the fuck?" Sunghoon almost shouted. Jake turned around abruptly, almost hitting Sunghoon head-on.
"Dude, what the fuck? Why are you asking me this?" he asked.
Really, why was he asking this? Heeseung didn't have an effective explanation for it, much less did he think he should. He just felt like it.
"I don't know, I just need to see her now and..." a long sigh came from his lips, Heeseung allowed himself to run one hand through his hair as he looked at Jake and then at Sunghoon "I need to make up for the shit I've done and tell her that I can't stop thinking about her."
"Oh" the two friends said at the same time, Jake swallowing down the urge to shout and say that it was all part of the little novel he'd written in his head about you and Heeseung. But that would be something for future conversations.
"Only if you tell me something" Jake said.
"Whatever you want to know" since everything was screwed up, there was no point in hiding anything from his best friend.
"Your father wasn't the only reason we were at the bar hours ago, was he?"
The shy smile that Heeseung tried to hide by biting his lower lip said it all, he didn't need a specific word for Jake or Sunghoon. It was clear how exactly that said that you had also been a reason, even if neither of them knew what it was.Â
Seeing Heeseung like that was new for the two boys sitting in the driver's and passenger's seats, so all that was left was for Jake to start the car again and drive to your apartment. Without asking Heeseung any questions about it.Â
But nothing stopped Sunghoon from making fun of him the whole way.
Words of encouragement were a mantra in the boy's mind who, with every step into the building where you lived, felt his whole body tremble. It was strange to be feeling this way, even more so for him who had never been this attached. Heeseung had never really thought that a girl could make him so nervous that he almost tripped over his own feet as he entered the elevator.
What could he say to you when he knocked on your door? That he wanted to see you? That would be something you wouldn't believe, even if it was the only truth he could tell you.Â
It made Heeseung rethink everything he'd ever said to you and the way he'd treated you since he met you. He didn't mean to be rude and he knew that it was all a reflection of what he had experienced with his father's disagreements. You, unfortunately, were the only person around and he didn't want the sight of someone new coming into his house. Because the last person to come out from under that roof had made a huge stranger in his life.
Heeseung didn't want to give in to someone like you, who came so easily into the Lee family's life and won over even his mother. The way she talked to you, the way she treated you like a member of the family. Heeseung rolled his eyes every time his mother brought the same candies, but not just for him and Hajun, she brought them for you too. Or how affectionate she was with you when you were at his house, chatting like old friends and laughing at things he didn't understand. He didn't want to understand why his mother was so happy after finding out she had been betrayed while Heeseung was suffering and disgusted by his father's image.
It was something he hadn't understood until recently. Maybe all the answers were right in front of his eyes, he just didn't want to accept it yet. So he needed to throw his hands up in the air and knock on your door right then and there, and that's exactly what he did.
He didn't know how you would react and he didn't want to, just looking at you would be enough for him to smile and walk away. Maybe apologize and say some lame excuse the next day and hope you believed his words.
Heeseung heard footsteps from inside the apartment and some mumbling that you were already on your way, indicating that you weren't ready for visitors or were far enough away to answer the door. Apprehension gripped his entire body as he took a few steps closer to hear what was going on inside.
As soon as you opened it, finishing putting on one of the sleeves of your long coat, Heeseung's world seemed to stop right there.
You were beautiful. More beautiful than he'd ever seen you before. Sharing the same roof with you for a week when his mother went away gave him the right to see you in your pajamas practically every night, but he didn't know that you looked even more beautiful in light silk pajamas and wearing a wool coat to cover your exposed arms.Â
"Heeseung?" your voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he looked at your face, the shock and curiosity screaming in your eyes making him feel euphoric. He didn't know what to say as he saw that you were still standing there, slightly startled by his presence.
He opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds to say something, but nothing seemed to come out. It was as if Heeseung had unlearned how to say anything because your gaze was making him shy.
When you took a step towards him, as if to get the attention of the boy in front of you, Heeseung didn't reason enough. He just raised one of his hands to touch the wool of your jacket and pulled you forward. The slow thud of your body against his made you let out a startled cry, which soon calmed down when Heeseung looked you in the eye.
"Jake gave me your address," he whispered "I needed to come here."
"Why?" your low voice sent all kinds of sensations through Heeseung's body and he wanted to be able to run away, but he limited himself. Squeezing his fingers against the wool of your jacket and loosening the fabric little by little.
"Because I want to talk to you, can we?" it was your time to deny it, tell him to go home and carry on without talking to Heeseung because a conversation with him would never end well.
But it wasn't like you to do anything you really should, so you gave him the go-ahead to enter your apartment and guide him to the sofa. Asking him to sit down before disappearing down the corridors. Just long enough for Heeseung to take off his jacket and put it on the armchair next to him, then sit down on the larger sofa and look around. Trying to get as many details as possible in case one day you asked him what he thought of your apartment.
Not that it mattered, he could say he'd need to go there more often to notice anything different. But remembering the first time you were here could be something useful and nice, perhaps.
"Here" you came back into the living room with a glass of water in your hands, walking over to the sofa where he was sitting and handing him the glass.
"Thanks" he said after taking the glass, drinking almost all the water in a matter of seconds. This was an indication of how nervous he still was after feeling your weight next to him on the sofa, the closest you'd been since the kiss you two had shared in the kitchen at his house.
Heeseung placed his glass on the coffee table and continued to stare at his own feet as he sighed slowly, clasping his hands together and playing with his fingers.
"My relationship with my father is the worst of all, and you've realized that haven't you?" you mumbled when he asked, albeit rhetorically, letting him continue his train of thought when he looked at you straight away "He cheated on my mother and ruined our family."
Oh. So that's why Heeseung was so harsh in his father's presence. And you couldn't understand how someone could betray Mrs. Lee, even if she was such an incredible woman.
"When my mother hired you, it was because she wanted to keep Hajun entertained most of the time and she knew I wouldn't be able to do that because I signed up for everything the university offered. Just so I wouldn't stay at home and have to deal with my father showing up."
Heeseung hated to lie that he had been neglectful to his younger brother about this, but he also couldn't risk bumping into his father and ending up fighting with the man in his younger brother's presence. That's when Mrs. Lee hired you as a nanny. Having someone to give the little one the attention that neither she nor Heeseung could be her priority. Someone you knew â even if you and Heeseung didn't speak to each other at the time â made the woman feel relieved because you seemed to have hit it off with the little one straight away.
"Seeing you integrate into the family made me feel angry because no one could like such a broken family with a false front" Heeseung was still looking at you, but his thoughts were a little more distant when he rambled "My mother wasn't happy when she hired you as a nanny. Hajun wasn't so happy when he met you and he only did it because my mother asked him to be nice to whoever was going to take care of him" a long sigh came from Heeseung's lips, looking away from you. "And I didn't accept that someone would be so nice to us because the last person who treated me, my brother, and my mother, so well, betrayed all of us."
You listened intently, seeing how broken Heeseung was inside your home. Opening his heart to you and asking for nothing in return.
He spoke for the first time about what it was like to have caught his father that night at the bar, how he felt the anger consume his body, and how he fought so many times until the man finally left the house. The divorce proceedings were kept under wraps because Hajun couldn't have known that something bad was going on, and your role was important in distracting him.
Heeseung admitted everything. And all the bad treatment he's given you since he met you was because he didn't know how to separate what was bad with his father, and that it shouldn't show to anyone. You wouldn't be like his father to anyone in the family, but amid the whole divorce process, you were there. Doing good for the Lee family without even knowing it.
And he didn't think he deserved it. I knew that Hajun deserved everything wonderful because he would spare his brother any bad feelings, but when you started being nice to Heeseung, he only knew how to be defensive.Â
You weren't supposed to greet him every time you were at home, you weren't supposed to flash smiles in his direction, let alone wave after a short answer he gave. Heeseung was rude â even for no reason â and you were still nice to him. Or at least polite. He wanted to believe that it was out of pure politeness and because Hajun was almost always around.
"I know I was a complete idiot and you never deserved that anyway" he slid his hand up to rest on your knee, feeling the slow touch of your fingers against his. Hesitantly, you took Heeseung's hand to intertwine your fingers in each other's "And that day in my kitchen..."
"We don'tâ Don't need to talk about..."
"I want to talk about it" he interrupted you, squeezing your fingers lightly and looking at you. This forced you to look at him too and maintain eye contact as you listened to every word Heeseung had to say "It was the day I saw my father in the bar, I left very angry."
You wanted to ask why he had gone after his father because Heeseung liked to beat himself up about it. But perhaps that was a conversation for another time, his gaze was so intent on you that all you could think about was every word he said.
"When I got home and you were in the kitchen, arguing was so unbearable that I acted on impulse when I kissed you and..." Heeseung's gaze dropped to your mouth, his Adam's apple bobbing with a dry gulp as he swallowed his saliva nervously "I didn't regret it, because I wanted it again."
"Youâ"
"I don't know what you did, Y/n, but I can't stop thinking about that day" neither can I, you wanted to answer, but hearing you say everything without a hint of pressure was wonderful. Maybe you'd confess later, but hearing his confession first was much better "You make me nervous, and want to kiss you every time we're near each other."
It was your turn to swallow. Heeseung was still staring at your mouth as if he were mesmerized by every detail of your lips when he felt your hand break away from his and go to the face next to you. You pulled him by the chin and felt Heeseung's breath against your skin from the sudden contact.
"We're too close now, what can you do?" you whispered.
He knew very well what to do and he wasn't going to waste any more time as he had done in previous weeks. Heeseung allowed his lips to touch yours slowly, but showing the urgency he had to feel you like that again.
You completely surrendered to the moment of having to kiss Heeseung again, this time knowing the exact moment when he asked for permission to enter your mouth with his tongue and how much slower his lips were now. Each movement was well appreciated as his hands slid down to your waist and yours ran to the back of his neck. Pulling Heeseung close, almost as if he wanted to fuse him against your body. And he would certainly do that if necessary.
But all he did was lay you back against the sofa while still maintaining the slow rhythm of the kiss, sighing against your lips as you spread your legs to accommodate Heeseung's body between them. It was a scene from heaven to be there again and in a slightly better position than sitting on a kitchen worktop. Heeseung could have sworn he cried in the middle of that kiss at being so close to you again.
Like a memory from last time, as soon as you both felt the need for air and he slid his mouth over yours, a moan came out of his throat. As sly as if he was really inside you when Heeseung kissed a specific spot on your neck.
That sound triggered something in him that, at the same moment, Heeseung pressed his hips against yours so that you could feel the full effect that just one kiss had on him.
"Hee..." you whispered as he returned with kisses all over your skin until he reached your earlobe, nibbling the skin slowly before aligning his face with yours again.
"You wouldn't be able to stop me now, would you?" he whispered back, kissing your mouth as slowly as he moved his hips against yours. It was torturous and at the same time sensual to feel Heeseung's tongue slide against yours at the same pace as he pressed his hard cock between your legs.
You moaned once more, anchoring your legs and holding his body there. Helping with the pressure and making him moan this time, biting his lower lip to break the kiss.
"You're going to be the death of me, Y/n" he gasped as he looked into your eyes. The fucking beautiful expression with the disheveled hair and droopy eyes, red mouth and chest rising and falling to normalize breathing.
"My room isn't too far from here" you pulled him back to you, feeling his lips hover over yours. Heeseung's smile widened even more.
"Good" he sealed his lips to yours "I haven't stopped wondering how this would end since the day I kissed you in that damn kitchen."
He wrapped his arms around you, lifting you off the sofa to pick you up and carry you to your room with your instructions along the way.Â
Heeseung just didn't know that you were also thinking about it, about to unravel all that thought.
Š ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.
#enhypen smut#heeseung smut#enhypen#enhypen fluff#heeseung fluff#enha smut#heeseung#enha fics#lee heeseung#enhypen heeseung#heeseung x reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen masterlist#lee heeseung fluff#lee heeseung smut#heeseung fanfics#lee heeseung x reader#heeseung imagines#bay writes.
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FL*SHING THEM AFTER AN ARGUEMENT
tsukishima kei, ushijima wakatoshi, oikawa tĹru
Tsukishima Kei, your beloved fiance. You loved the man to death, you swear.. it's just that he's always been like this. All of the damn time. There was one time when you argued over dinner because someone didn't want to eat Italian. Seriously? How'd you even date this guy and later on accept a ring from him.
Just kidding, he has his cute moments. The man had prioritized you a lot during his college days. He must've fallen hard for you, huh? When he did get on one knee, you thought it was a prank. Nonetheless, you said yesâ already being engaged for 4 months, too!
Back on topic, he's always been a cranky mother fucker and even more when he lose that volleyball match. You looked at himâ in astonishment. This man had the audacity to even be too confident in a little fun of chess?
You couldn't even believe the audacity of him. He'd been laughing at your move on your black horse.. "Gee, just get one with it, babe..!" Another ridiculing sentence from him could've sparked a fire inside you. "Hah? Seriously, why'd you even do this rematchâ when you clearly don't know chess."
Your eye must've twitched at that, you love him, and you swear to that on your life. But, seriously, he's getting on your last nerve. As he quickly moved his queen, grabbing your knight in the process. You moved another piece as he smiled. "Thank god, we don't do rematches in volleyball."
Your joke immediately made his smirk turn sour. As you chuckled to your own statement, your eyes glanced up to his. He immediately gave a disgusted face at you. "What, Tsuki?â" You tease, almost pinching his face as he has moved away from your hand.
"What is your problem..?" Now that made you raise an eyebrow. "My problemâ?" He can't be serious right now. And that's how he ended up giving you the silent treatment, ending the chess match when it just started. You were utterly confused... even bewildered by his actions
Knowing your fiance won't crumble to a piece of you, you just quickly called out. "Kei?" He didn't even look at you.. oh, so that's how he was going to play. "Tsuki?" No budge, huh? The man had some nerves for ignoring his future wife. "Tsukishima Kei." Last call, he finally whipped his head to you.
Rolling your shirt upâ his golden brown eyes dilated at the sight of your perky, wait, wait, this was cheating. "That's right, doofus.. I know you can't ignore them." You could totally hear the clogs in his brain working. Even bouncing them a bitâ He quickly pulled your shirt down. "Heyâ! what was that for??"
"You're in one hell of a ride, do that shit again. I dare you, baby."
How much aura did you gain after marrying the Ushijima Wakatoshi? You, the lovely wife, as ever.. had always been the cheeky one in the marriage. During one of his games, you'd literally chant his name out so loud. Maybe the whole stadium could hear you.
He'd be there happily, holding the ring chained around his neck. Giving you a small smileâ You couldn't help but beam as you show off your ring finger too! Now that was months ago, your husband came home in a sour face after meeting his parents.
"Baby, how were your parents?" You asked him, quickly smiling as you cooked your signature curry. "Fine like usual." His deep voice caught you off guard as you felt a hand crept behind you. "Oh, so what did theyâ" "Can we not." You tilted your head.. "Sure.. okay." You compiled because who were you to say anything about that?
You looked at him as he ate, he felt your stare. "Yes, love?" The way your hand had been tapping on to counter.. like crazy. Lost in thought, you look up at him. "Toshi.. you know you can tell me anything?" Of course he knew that so he raised an eyebrow. "I know."
You were itching to know why he's so persistent on not telling you why.. he would usually just tell you at this point. But he seriously didn't want to talk about it, so he dismissed your concerns once again. "But babe.." You whined.. something in him just snapped.
"No, can you stop trying?" You huffed at his tone of language.. it was kind of your fault for being this nosy. So now here you were having a full blow argument. Were you petty? Definitely, a hundred percent. So when your husband had genuinely left you in the kitchen. You huffedâ
Clearly, he needed a lot of space, huh? Shutting the bedroom door very tightâ you wanted to go sleep there, but how? He had locked it from the inside. "Toshi..?" You called out. No answer. "Ushijima Wakatoshi!" You yelled out and finally the familiar 'click!' You finally let out a sigh and practically go in fast.
He's still on the bed, clearly trying to sleep. "Toshi..~" Your sweet velvety voice intoxicating him then sliding onto the bedâ even straddling onto him. Still, the man laid bare, not even checking you out. You intentionally grind, trying to find the best friction. His hands finally with all of its glory wrapped around your hips.
"Look up." Your command might've sent a shudder on your poor husband. The blood pumping down to his familiar friend down thereâ oh how a vixen you were.. Seriously, he saw the way you held your shirt up. Those breasts out in the air just for him. "Mmm? Want it bad?"
"I swear, wifeâ you're always all talk and no action.."
That Argentinan volleyball player was taken by you! Who knew he had the hots for you. TĹru Oikawa, he had recently left Japan for Argentina.. then he met you. Somehow, you two clicked. Clearly, you only thought he was just getting into your pants but nope!
The infamous girlfriend of the volleyball player never really visited his games. Probably because your work always consumed your time. TĹru was beyond okay with thatâ of course he was. But after such a long tiring game, all he wanted to do was a date night with you. Sadly, you were still out at work.. in overtime. How could you not remember it at all? When you came home, his first response was immediate silence. Seriously nothing!!
"TĹru?" You called out in the shared apartment, finally slipping off your shoes. Stretching your arms wide as no response. "...Babe?" You called out once more. Absolutely nothingâ you panicked, of course. Already running around to find him.That's when you spotted your sulky boyfriend, buried deep into the bed among all the plushies you have.
"Shit, babe.. did something happen at practice?" You asked him as he finally noticed your presence. An immediate huffed was heard, thanks to him. "Babe..? Baby..!!" You whined the petname, trying to uncover the blankets.
There he was, your lovely boyfriend. TĹru glared at you, those dark brown hues of his. "What's made you so sour..?" You asked him once more, trying to coerce him out of his moodiness. "I wonder why." He interrupted you, that made you raise an eyebrow. "Babe..."
You were utterly clueless, even when he avoided your touches. It suddenly clicked to you, a promise to him on for a date. You internally groan at that, "Shit, TĹru you know I didn't mean to forget.." Your hand itching to grasp hisâ yet he pulled away once again. "You always forget about me.." He whined into your shared pillows. "No I don't.. baby.. I'll make it up to you!!" You try to reason with him.
That's what got him to lash out at you. You did kind of deserve itâ so here you are on the bed trying to get a sulky TĹru out of your shared bedroom once more. An idea popped into your head! "TĹru.. I have something to show you.." You found the man finally walk out of the bedroom. His disheveled appearance still looked way too good for your own eyes.
Your fingers found their way to your blouseâ giving him a sweet smile. Only halfway through, you were damn thankful for picking a good bra for today. "Baby, I'm really sorry.." You whispered. And finallyâ your breasts were in full view of his sight. Nothing could have prepared you for the feral TĹru ravishing you!
The man was full on groping your breasts, even fiddling with those buds.. was he really that turned on? You couldn't believe you've let him play with you like this. On the tips of your heelsâ you needed more friction down there, too. So you whined at him, how your cunt needed his fingers too! And that's what he did, dipped them into your soaked panties.
"Fffuckâ that's not fair, babe.. yknow your boobs and pussy are my weakness..!"
#haikyuu smut#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#oikawa x reader#oikawa tooru#oikawa#oikawa smut#haikyuu time skip#timeskip oikawa#toru oikawa smut#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima smut#tsukishima kei x reader#tsukishima kei x reader smut#kei tsukishima x reader#kei tsukishima x reader smut#haikyu x reader#haikyu x reader smut#hq x reader#hq x reader smut#hq smut#haikyuu x reader smut#ushijima smut#ushijima x reader#ushijima x reader smut#ushijima wakatoshi#wakatoshi x reader#wakatoshi smut#fishyfics#fishyspice
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Hello! Your headcanons on Wukong/Destined One had me giggling so much đ they're so great, couldn't stop rereading.
Um, if it's alright, can I ask for some Wukong/Destined One x Reader with their baby? Feral daddy monkey in his nesting phase with his mate and baby is soâ đ¤
Absolutely! I have a lot of thoughts and the people demand more monkey business- so let's get down to it.
⤠Wukong
Starting with the pregnancy~
He is ELATED.
The idea of a proper heir had never crossed his mind because well- he's immortal. He doesn't need one. But that doesn't mean the idea of his own flesh and blood isn't positively exciting.
There's a chance he knows you're pregnant before you do. What with all of his special powers and heightened senses.
Celebrates privately with you of course but it becomes a mountain-wide event very quickly.
You are showered with praise and blessings by all the monkeys.
He will never miss a chance to brag that he's going to have a baby. And he's definitely smug about it too, thinks your child is going to surpass even his power.
When you start showing he gets more smothering.
Don't forget our king's fatal flaw! He thinks he knows what's best.
Will limit how much you travel and makes sure you always have at least two attendants by your side while he's gone.
Which, once you get further along, isn't often. There were plenty of superstitions about pregnancy in ancient China, as well as a high infant mortality rate- and that's not even counting what complications could happen due to the magical nature of your child. So he'd be stressed.
He expresses stress through aggression (canon), though it's never pointed at you. He'd be fiercely protective over the mountain, but especially any of the areas you regularly stay in. He'd be very snappy at everyone for the entire second half of the pregnancy, except you of course, who he'd be showering with praise and reverence.
Likes holding your stomach while you rest and tells your baby about the great lineage they're being born into, recounting his titles and strength and promising them they'd be greater.
He's hoping for a boy, but he's assured his child will be spectacular regardless of the gender.
When you give birth he will be extremely focused. He can't afford to be weak in a moment when you need him most. (Though your cries of pain and effort will certainly make his heart ache.)
As you're holding your baby for the first time, his teasing, smug attitude is nowhere to be seen. He just looks at you as if you'd given him the universe itself.
Cutest baby ever might I add đ.
It's a Chinese tradition that only immediate family is allowed to meet the baby for the first 100 days after it's born, so it'd just be you and him for a majority of three months unless you invite your family to meet them.
In traditional fashion, on the 100th day a banquet is held to officially introduce the baby to everyone. And MY GOD would it be an event...
Besides all of the monkeys on the mountain who want to celebrate their new prince/princess, I can't even imagine how many celestials and demons would come to pay their respects and blessings- be it out of fear or respect.
Either way, expect a very long day and a LOT of gifts.
^ Wukong doesn't leave your side for the entire day. I dare someone to try and pull something.
You'd expect with his trickster personality that he'd be a very lenient dad, but Wukong is surprisingly dutiful in making sure your child doesn't turn out lazy or ignorant.
That by no means is to say he wouldn't be a wonderfully playful father. He'd have a wonderful connection with his child, and his most important lesson to them would be to respect their mother ;)
More of a one kid kind of guy, so he'd probably stop after the first, unless you had twins or triplets.
As protective as he was with you when you were pregnant, he's pretty chill with the actual kid. He knows they're durable and will let them get roughed up doing dumb stuff.
Carries them around hanging off his tail and will pretend like he doesn't know where they went.
It's like how cats will let their babies 'sneak up on them' to encourage them to keep trying. He does the same thing with your kid when they try to trick him.
Your baby would be the most respectful little shit ever. A little shit nonetheless, but would do anything for you or their father.
All the monkeys on the mountain help keep an eye on the little sage so you'll never feel lost or alone in parenting. It's very much a joined effort and your baby will see the other monkeys as their family as well!
This wonderful piece of Sun Wukong was done by @kanade-howl here on tumblr! They post their work on Twitter as well at @kanaade_ and @_liehuzuo please support them!
đ The Destined One
Give him a bunch of babies I beg you.
He'd get addicted, he wants a big family for SURE.
When you first tell him you're pregnant he'll probably take some time to fully soak it in.
You'll be used to being patient with him at this point, but I imagine something like this is really nerve wracking so don't feel bad if you rush him for a response.
He'll put a hand on your stomach as if he's checking for himself before picking you up and smothering you with love.
He's not a chatty guy but he'll let you know how happy he is!
^ That being said, during your pregnancies is the most talkative he'll ever be.
He doesn't want you to stress about communicating and knows your body is going through a lot so he pushes himself to talk more to make sure you get everything you need.
That doesn't mean he'll be a chatterbox by any means. More than nothing is still very slim :')
Expect a lot of one word questions.
Trusts you more than he trusts his own instincts. His instincts tell him you shouldn't be climbing or moving around much- but if you want to, who's he to tell you what to do? He's not the one pregnant đ¤ˇââď¸
Follows you around like a guard dog when you do though, doesn't matter what you're doing.
Somehow even more physically affectionate than normal. Will insist on holding your hand when you walk so you can lean your weight on him.
When you start showing he'll be amazed. It's not that he's never seen a pregnant person before but like... That's his baby in there and he can't believe it.
His favorite thing to do is lay his head against your stomach while you're resting. Will kiss your skin and adore the life you're making.
You can catch him whispering things to your baby while he's resting his head on your stomach.
Your body is going to ache and he is more than happy to massage it for you. He doesn't even need an excuse to touch you, but he'll find them anyway.
Once you get further along and it gets harder for you to get around, he'll pick you up and take your wherever you want to go- within reasonable distance from your home of course. Not because he can't take you further, he just doesn't want to in case something happens.
But he wants to make sure you get fresh air and still see the beauty outside of your bed.
Doesn't trust anyone to watch you. It's him or nothing.
Makes offerings and prays to the goddess of childbirth. He does this a few times before you catch him and start helping.
He's a bundle of nerves when you're giving birth. If you weren't preoccupied, it'd probably be painfully obvious how nervous he was.
Holds you while you hold your baby and will not stop telling you how much he loves you and how perfect the baby is.
Gets baby fever bad.
Baby will be spoiled, and so will any other baby after that.
Huge advocate for carrying the baby. If you're not opposed to it, he probably carries them more than you.
Has the most deadpan look on his face as he looks at this baby but he has so much adoration for his little miracle.
Stressing over your baby crying in the middle of the night? Not with him! He's at that babies beck and call.
Watching a nearly mute man deal with a curious child is definitely amusing and you get a front row seat.
Your children kind of just accept that their dad doesn't talk much, but he'll always tell them he loves them if they say it to him.
Takes them everywhere with him so he can teach them. Is SO proud when the oldest starts helping teach the younger ones.
He's proud of them in general honestly.
Your kids are going to be super loving and curious. I think he'd foster really healthy relationships between all of them.
You'd have a whole team taking care of you if you ever got sick.
#sun wukong x reader#sun wukong#headcanons#black myth wukong#the destined one x reader#I've been waiting on someone to ask this#rahhhhhhhhh#they'd be such good dads đ
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ALWAYS ~ JUDE BELLINGHAM
[sort of based of this request! so thank you for request. please let me know what you think! always welcome to criticism, also let me know if you would like a series based or this little family! đ]
[SUMMARY: being soon to be parents is hard especially being so young as well, but Jude and y/n takes everything in their stride]
[WARNINGS: fluff, smut, morning sickness? not edited, swearing spelling mistakes? ]
Youâre feet shuffled across the cold kitchen flooring as you soothed your bump with one hand and held a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in the other, Your seven -month bump slightly peaking out of Judeâs shirt.
âAre you still okay for tomorrow, beautiful?â Judeâs voice reaches out over the FaceTime call, as you sitback down on the sofa and put the blanket over your bump.
With Jude being in Madrid, it was decided that you would have dinner at his parents' house in England. Due to your frequent travels between England and Madrid, you rarely have the opportunity to spend time with his family, especially with his mother being in the middle.
you placed the laptop on your lap during the ongoing FaceTime call with Jude, âYeah all good jude, what time is your flight backâ your voice grew tired with every sentence you speak.
âflight is about four in the morning will get back home at sevenâJude's voice making you grow even more tired and relaxed.ďżź
ďżźYou knew it was difficult for Jude to balance being at the top of the football world and being a father at just twenty years of age, but he never complained about it once
It was unexpected for you to become pregnant, and it came as a surprise since you are only nineteen and Jude is twenty years old, but you both took it as your little blessing.
"Is my little one okay? It seems like she's wearing Mommy out" Jude's voice echoes through the FaceTime call, "we're okay, just tired and the usual sickness," your voice tiredly drawls out.
Since discovering you were pregnant, you have been experiencing severe nausea, even if it was morning or night It felt like a constant battle to keep any food down, and the smell of certain foods would instantly trigger your gag reflex.
"Plus, we miss daddy a lot," you said "fuck,don't do that voice, it turns me on" he added with a rough accent, you tutted âbetter hurry up home thenâ
"I'll be back home shortly, my Love," he said in his gentle Birmingham accent.
you was sound asleep when you heard the keys jingle in the door, the door open and Jude's footsteps slowly and carefully plodding up the stairs.
You hear Jude carefully open the door to the bedroom where you both share. As you shuffle yourself up to sit against the headboard, you reach for the switch to switch on the lamp, and you switch it on.
"What are you doing awake?" Jude's tired voice broke the silence of the room. You turned to see him rubbing his eyes, looking disheveled and exhausted.
"I missed you, heard you trying to be quiet" you admitted "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to disturb you" he replied, a sheepish smile on his face.
"You could never disturb me. I always want to hear your voice." you said softly, Moving to swing your legs out of bed holding your pregnant belly as you trying to ignore the persistent pressure on your bladder.
You sigh, knowing you have to get out of bed to relieve yourself.
âoi what you doing, let me helpâ Judeâs voice fills your ears, as he rushes to be by your side, you feel a pair of strong arms wrap around you, supporting your weight.
As he presses a soft kiss to your head, Your loving Jude gently helps you out of bed and guides you to the bathroom, making sure you don't trip over your own feet.
Once youâve emptied your bladder, you get back into bed with a kiss on the cheek from Jude.
You snuggle into the bed sheets, Judeâs bare back now facing you as heâs rambling on about something with his toothbrush in his mouth, you donât realise your eyes have started to close until you feel the bed dip beside you.
âSorry baby, didn't mean to wake you againâ Jude whispered as he pulled the duvet over the pair of you, with your back facing Jude he slides his arms around you and on to your bump.
"I love you and we both missed you," you murmur softly in response to him, you feel him snuggle into your neck as he presses a soft kiss there.
âhey Jobeâyou slightly laugh out his name as he opens the door only to be thrown into a headlock by his own brother, the pair of them shuffling into the living room as they play fight with each other.
You shut the front door and clean your feet on the doormat before untying your shoelaces and removing your shoes.
You enter the living room and see the two brothers sitting on the sofa with a sour expression and ďżźDenise giving them a look.
"Y/n, lovely seeing you againâ Denise greets you warmly as she glances up and sees you standing in the doorway âyou look amazing, not long left nowâ she hugs you as you smile and look down, âthank you Deniseâ you gushed as you sat in between Jude and Jobe.
âonly a couple more months left, did Jude show you the scan picturesâ you continued.
"Yeah, he did," she replied with a smile. "They're amazing, aren't they? I can't believe how much the baby has grown already."
"I know, it's incredible," you said, excitement evident in your voice. "I can't wait to meet him or her."
"As long as they don't look like Jude, they will be alright" Jobe joked âYouâre literally like a mini Jude, Jobeâ You laughed as you put your hand onto Judeâs thigh.
âIt's nice to know that I can actually grow a beard at the moment" Jude mumbles to himself, but loud enough so that Jobe can hear, "you call that a beard" Jobe laughs as heâs dodging Jude's kick.
As Denise calls all of you over for dinner, Jude gets up first to assist you up, putting one hand on your back as he guides you over to the dinner table, he sits next to you his hand on your thigh.
Mark, Judeâs dad is sat across from you, making slight conversation as you start eating your food.
As you took another bite of your food, your stomach churned you felt a wave of nausea wash over you, you reach out to take a sip of your water to hopefully wash it down.
But as the night went on, the feeling only got worse, your hand went straight over your mouth mumbling your apologies as you rush through the house to get to the bathroom.
He trails behind you, apologizing to his family before heading to the bathroom to assist you, gently rubbing circles on your back as you lean over the toilet, feeling him gather your hair up in his hands.
âyou okay baby?â His voice soothing you, you lean back into him breathless as the embarrassment washes over you.
âJude, I am deeply embarrassed. Your mother and your entire family are under the impression that I became sick because of the meal she cooked.âYou convey your concern by covering your face with your hands.
âshe doesnât think that, donât be stupid they know your struggling with your pregnancyâ Jude tries to calm your down by wrapping his arms around your shoulders as you both sit in the bathroom floor.
âYou okay y/n?â Deniseâs worried voice makes you look up, as you see her standing in the doorway âsheâs okay mum, bit tired though I thinkâ Jude answers for you as he puts a strand of hair behind your ear.
"I'll set up Jude's room for you both, and maybe it'll be best if you stay overnight, I'll bring some lemonade up to help it helped my morning sickness with Jobe" Denise smiles at you ďżź.
In a pair of shorts and an old shirt, you lay on the bed of Jude's old bedroom, covered in the familiar smell of his old clothes.
Jude is right next to you, scrolling through his phone on his lap with his hand on your inner thigh as he softly squeezes it, as he as he speaks with Jobe who is laying across the end of the bed, who is also scrolling on his phone.
"How much longer do you have left?" Jobe asks quietly as you open your eyes to his voice. "Just a little over a month, why are you excited, Uncle Jobe?" you playfully respond.
he just hums to your question, focusing back on whatever was on his phone.
The next thing you notice is Jude placing his phone on his bedside table, and then shuffles over and settles his head on your chest while his hands go straight to shirt to lift it up, his hands go to your bump to soothe it.
In your hands, you are gentle touching the ends of his hair gently twisting it and reaching to his scruffy beard gently scratching it as he hums softly to.
When he presses a soft kiss against your bump, your unborn baby gives him a small kick as they responds to his kisses
âDid you feel that?â Judeâs face snaps around to face you as he realizes what has happened âyeah, going to be like there daddyâ you smile as you stroke his cheek.
âwhat? let me feel, move Judeâ Jobe says as he rushes to your side and he places his own hand on your bump he pushes Jude's hands away as he presses his own against the bump.
âJobe, fucking hell it's my kid.â Jude leans down for a for a kiss before getting up and making his way to the bathroom. You giggle as you see Jude's scrunched up face as he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
youâve just gotten into bed when Jude come in with a glass of water and places it on your bedside table, âmum says goodnightâ you hum to answer him while tugging him down to yourself.
"Careful," he laughs as he catches himself on his hands as he's above you, your hands go around his neck as you press a kiss to his lips.
His laughter fades into a soft sigh as he leans in for another kiss, his lips meeting yours once more before he puts his face into your neck and presses a few light kisses.
âYou have a good day, baby?â He mumbles into the crook of your neck âthe best thank jâ you the nickname you call him slides off your tongue easily.
Jude humsâI love you so bloody muchâ
âI love you moreâ you giggle even more when be nips your neck.
He seals your lips together once more, using his knees to spread your thighs a bit further apart for him as he spreads them apart.
In the midst of your kiss, he lets out a breathy moan, courtesy of the fingers which are holding his face, interrupting your kiss with a breathy moan.
Jude utilizes the chance to break away and snag a pillow from his side of the bed, urging your hips up by tapping the fluffy thing against your side.
your lift your back up, and he settles it under your lower back and bum to prop you up. Fortunately for him, he has had extensive experience navigating the challenges of your pregnant belly.
he grips your shorts and carefully pulls them off, taking your knickers off and softly pressing a kiss to your thigh in the progress.
Settling between your thighs, Jude giggles when you wraps your legs around his hips and tugs him closer.
Judeâs body hovers over yours , love-sick smiles a breath away from meeting each other, and he drags his fingers through your folds, groaning at how slick youâve become.ďżź
âOh fuckâ you whisper into Judeâs ear, biting back a grin as Jude grips his cock with the fingers that had previously been fondling you.
Jude smiles as their chests are pressed together, enjoying the feeling of their stomachs touching while he guides himself into your slit.
Jude hums appreciatively, eyes fluttering shut as he basks in how warm and gooey you are for him. He'd almost forgotten how it felt to have you this desperate for him and his touch.
âNeed to be quiet, Jobe next doorâ he whispered as a moan ripped though your body.
"Oh it's so good darling," he mumbles to you, dropping his head into the crook of your neck. He made a gentle backward slip, pulling the hips back gently as he slipped forward again, his breath stuttering as he dutifully slipped forward once again.
Guiding him, you softly release a moan, lowering one hand to the lower part of his back. With a whisper that tickles his ear, you affirm, "Jude, So so good." Tickled by the sensation, he squirms slightly and responds with a small laugh.
Jude soft with his movements, cautious of the baby between yourself, "made for being wrapped me huh?" And jude thinks nothing ever been truer.
Your arms were made to hold him, youe hands were made for pulling him closer and closer, and your heart was made to completely consume his.
you reached your high before him, rolling your hips up to try and bring him to the edge, grinding down into your heat as his cock twitches and buries deep in your walls.
Jude knows youâre watching his eyes scrunch shut and his gaping mouth curl into a breathy laugh as he comes âsorry baby, too tired for another oneâ he breathes into your neck.
As you nod and brush the sweaty spots from his forehead to soothe him and just like that, he is already able to feel lighter. He never has to sorry with you, youâll always be here for him.
#jude bellingham x you#jude bellingham smut#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham#trent alexander arnold x reader#trent x reader#football one shot#football imagine#trent alexander arnold#max verstappen x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#max verstappen#max verstappen smut#charles leclerc x reader#lewis hamilton smut#lewis hamilton x you#lewishamilton#lewis hamilton fanfic#smut
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Natlan Boys as Fathers
i thought this would be a super cute idea to write !! ever since ororon showed up in the questline and how wholesome his character is, i wanted to write something w/ him and kinich!!
pairings: kinich x reader | ororon x reader (gender neutral)
đŚ Kinich
you were out with him while he was completing a commission.
bby wanted to take you with him bc you wanted to see the saurians and he knew how much you liked it when he swung around with you in his arms
eventually he came across the commission site, and the mother that he was supposed to capture had already passed on
obv he was disappointed since he wouldn't get commission money, but you were sad about something else.
KINICH!
what is it?
IT WAS A BABY SAURIAN :(((
more specifically, it was the baby of the mother who was already dead
devastated was an understatement to how you felt
the baby saurian seemed to cling to you for dear life, seemingly bawling in your grasp
...
look at them! the thing is practically glued onto Y/N for dear life! it's already imprinted on them!
kinich ignored ajaw and looked at you and the saurian, his usual blank expression showing hints of fondness.
he was completely fine with taking care of a saurian, but it wasn't going to be easy.
and he also didn't really want to end up taking care of it for you since he already had a lot going on in his life
you're going to ask me if we can keep it, aren't you?
mhm! look at it, kinich! isn't it cute?
hahaha! of course Y/N would be attached to some lowly crea-
kinich put ajaw into timeout.
ofc he'd let you keep the baby saurian since he saw how happy you looked with it
and he also couldn't resist your pleading gaze
love, you do know how much work taking care of a saurian is, right? you need to feed it, train it, make sure it has a place to sleep, and nurture it.
i know! i'll do all of it!
kinich knew you didn't know until reality settled in, but you'd do anything to keep it.
oh well, at least this was a good practice run when it came to parenting
kinich is such a great saurian dad
everyone knows this already, but he's a super caring guy underneath that blank face
even though he did find himself taking care of the little bby, he still enjoyed how much the saurian seemed to blend into both of your lives
ajaw would sometimes plot with the bby saurian about how to take kinich's body, but it was always met with one of you interrupting his bad influence
(if your bby is a yumkasaur) kinich would teach bby how to swing around and frequently takes it on commissions. he'd probably have your bby blast enemies with flamegranates from a tree since he doesn't want your bby to get hurt
(if your bby is a koholasaur) he'd regularly run cool baths for it to swim around in whenever he didn't have time to take it to the hot springs or rivers. led to a lot of father-baby bathtimes that r so wholesome!
(if your bby is a tepetlisaur) kinich would bring your bby to kachina to go digging together for cool gemstones. one day, kinich had come to pick up your bby since you were busy with your work and saw your bby with kachina splashing around in a whole wheelbarrow of gemstones.
đąOroron
oh my BABYYY
MY SWEET PRECIOUS BABY BOY
he loves his aphids, as everyone knows
one day, you end up bonding with a particular aphid that he looks after
he noticed it while he was out growing vegetables and doing maintenance on them
you were playing around with one of the aphids, who seemed to enjoy your head rubs and affection
honey? what are you doing?
oh, just playing around. this lil guy seems to like me a lot.
he couldn't help but huff from amusement, seeing the endearing sight of you playing around
i never thought i'd see the day when an aphid enjoyed someone's affection like that. it's almost acting like a dog.
really? the way he's acting, i thought this was completely normal...
not quite. i tend to give them space so i won't scare them off or defer them. but... it looks like he's fond of you.
ororon was so fascinated
and the funny part is, that aphid kept coming around to your shared home every single day
it was as if you two made a small companion friend, but it wormed its way into your hearts and somehow became like your son
ororon found himself preparing servings of food for the small aphid who dined with you all for every single meal. the little guy even threw fits when food was late
sometimes, the aphid would cuddle with you while you napped. ororon had plenty of photos on his kamera of it, and those are some of his favorite
you two even celebrated major holidays with your aphid, and the aphid went everywhere with you two
merry christmas, my love
merry christmas, ororon. and merry christmas, little one.
*holds out some berries*
oh! that's where they went! you stole them for a gift? for me?
*flies up and down*
he's becoming sentient, darling
so it seems...
to the night kingdom, to the colosseum, to the groceries, around natlan - everywhere
ororon managed to purchase some silk flowers to make fabric for the bby :(
when citali came by, she was so confused lol
lady was like "wtf is a bug doing at the dining table? and why is it eating off of its own plate???"
she was very concerned but then saw how tame it was and didn't feel the need to shoo it off
ororon is a great dad :( bby gives your aphid so much love and care
he's so wholesome too! sometimes when your aphid flies off, he gets a little concerned and worried since he knows how much you love him (and ngl, the aphid grew on him)
protect both of them at all costs
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin x you#genshin x y/n#genshin ororon#kinich x you#kinich and ajaw#kinich genshin#kinich x reader#genshin natlan#genshin#natlan#ororon x reader#ororon x you#genshin x gn reader#genshin impact imagines#genshin scenarios#genshin impact scenarios#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact imagine#genshin impact fanart#kinich x y/n#k'uhul ajaw#genshin headcanons#genshin hcs#genshin hc#headcanons
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