#you see... demonization brings out folks worst! literally~

[wispisstillverybored67]

Ayaki Fam rise up...? :D.

For the hell of it, I gave the Spider fam names. (This is primarily under the context of a swap AU {between the KNY corps and the Demons}, of which I adore despite not usually thinking highly of AUs).

The Father? I dub him Ryunosuke Ayaki.

The Mother? I dub her Mizuki Ayaki (nicknamed "Joroko" for her tiny stature and sexy figure, don't let Ryu catch you calling her that tho.)

The Older Brother? I dub him Setsuji Ayaki.

The Sister? I dub her Akemi Ayaki.

[the-dragon-hearted]

It would be really funny if everyone in Liyue knew their god wasn't dead, but they literally could not prove it.

Listen, there's at least one alchemist who spent weeks fuming, because it makes no sense for mora to keep its divine transmutation powers if the divinity powering it is dead - unless of course mora is some sort of independent divine extension which would mean their god was capable of creating an independent medium free of ties to divinity - (that guy spends three weeks holed up in his house trying to rewrite transmutation logic from the ground up before giving up because his theorems aren't working).

So the alchemists assume Rex Lapis isn't dead, because mora still works. They have to. Nothing else makes sense. That logic works pretty well with businessmen too.

The historians are losing their goddamn minds because every mythos and legend is in here claiming that Rex Lapis was the undefeated do-not-fuck-with-under-any-circumstances archon so for him to just fall out of the fucking sky cannot be possible unless they have HUGE problems.

50% lean towards a possible upcoming rapture (Because ain't no way the water dragon demon guy and his scorned wife were the killers of Rex Lapis. Nah it had to be something way worse) The other 50% just shrug and say it's impossible for their god to have been killed and Liyue to still be standing. And don't try to tell them he wasn't murdered because if he DID die, then he was 100%, absolutely, totally, without question murdered. He fell out of the sky like a dramatic bastard and everyone saw, that ain't how gods die peacefully, no matter WHAT those folks in the Jade Chamber say.

The conspiracy theorists go craaazy later in the evening when there's too much wine and someone brings it up. It can be impressive how deep their conspiracies though. Qiqi has repeated the strangest of them to Baizhu who's quite sick and tired of this thank you very much -

But you see, the local business owners, a few weeks into their mourning, started to notice something... odd.

It was a new regular. Nice guy. Pretty pleasant, and could be prone to rambling. He's ridiculously knowledgeable on... everything, especially relating to Liyue, and against all better judgment, plenty of business owners have asked him for advice.

There are the legends, of course. Morax would play the part of a passing merchant and peer into the common folk's lives, often visiting smaller businesses and gracing them with his patronage.

It's a crazy thought, and anyone who has it doesn't voice it, but... listen... at some point some things just make sense. And if they take down their memorials to their fallen god - if they snuff out the candles of mourning on their mantel - who could say?

They just smile and keep the best of their merchandise set aside, offering what they can in the quietest way possible.

It's the worst/best-kept secret because no one can outwardly say it. Lady Ningguang avoids it in conversation with a curt cough, the Traveler can be a bad liar (well, Paimon can be a bad liar), and the man himself is so obvious that the only reason he hasn't been outed is because his boss is too busy trying to sell people premium coffins.

I mean little Susy saw him standing on a ROOF with the last of the Yaksha's last Lantern Rite! No, she's not lying -

It's a gut feeling (It's denial, the merchants from Inazuma say). There's proof (there's not, the scholars from Sumeru sigh). He's literally right there! (That 'he' in question is currently short on mora - some god of commerce, c'mon give me a break!).

Liyue Harbor's secret is that their god isn't dead. But they can't prove it. Yes, he fell out of the sky and yes it was this whole thing and yes he's been MIA for a while now and yes the adepti all say he's dead -

BUT LISTEN, TRUST ME, HE'S NOT -

[dikanamai]

So… has this been shared here yet? Or it's the kind of thing all the Alma haters who plague this fandom don't wanna see? :)

If you like Jared Bush's tweets, take this one: Alma wasn't as stern before Mirabel's failed ceremony, what happened that night scared the hell out of her and she changed after that. Also: before that, she was probably starting to put more pressure on the family. She was starting to, when she was on her sixties. And that's probably because she was getting old and anxious towards the survival of the town and the miracle after her death. So no, I'm sorry, she wasn't a horrible monster who abused her family and destroyed their lives since her children were five years old. Big surprise, people grow and develop and change all over each stage of their lives. The 25yo Alma wasn't the same than the 40yo Alma, and that wasn't the same as the 65yo, as well as none of them was the same as 75yo movie-Alma. All of them were traumatized, but that trauma manifested in different ways throughout her life, with different kinds of attitudes, responses and reactions.

Are you going to take this as canon or are you going to ignore it?

BuT sHe HaS bEeN tRaUmAtIzInG bRuNo HiS wHoLe LiFe!!!¡!

Ok, good, let's discuss this further under the cut.

Look, I love Bruno, but all the Bruno-groupies out there idolizing his character and demonizing the rest of the family to defend him are getting on my nerves.

I wish you could understand something: Alma is a woman traumatized by a forced displacement, which means she and the rest of the town fled their home and were chased, hunted, by their attackers, some of them (like Pedro) hunted to death. And that kind of experience generates PARANOIA. When Bruno says "everyone always assumes the worst", he means everyone (his mother included) who asked him for a prophecy always ended up focusing on the bad side of whatever he saw. Why? Because that's what paranoid people tend to do, and the whole Encanto is full of paranoid people.

Visions are things that must be interpreted, not a detailed thesis of you future. If you're already expecting disasters, you're gonna see disasters, and that was the reason Bruno was so wore out. Because gifts were supposed to help the Encanto, and at some point his gift started fueling the town's paranoia instead of soothing it. "My gift wasn't helping the family", come on, he said it himself! Of course it wasn't helping, because everyone was spiraling over their own fears, and he wasn't managing to help them. He isolated himself (literal words of Jared in another tweet, btw) because he was feeling like a failure, not just because the town folks were shunning him. And Bruno is a victim of the same trauma and the same paranoia, so he started spiraling over his own fears too, thinking he was bringing actual bad luck to their loved ones, to the point his mother had to beg him to look into Mirabel's future after her ceremony.

I've said this before, but I'll repeat it again: Alma asked him for a vision because she trusted him and his powers. She still trusted her son, she knew his gift was "useful", though not in the way Bruno wished it to be. Does that mean everything was fun and games yadda yadda in Casa Madrigal? NO, IT DOESN'T. Things were complicated and difficult, all of them had their own problems and worries, but it doesn't mean either every second of their fucking life was miserable and all of them hate each other. Alma failed to notice how conflicted her son was feeling, as she failed to notice how exhausted Luisa was and how repressed Isa was, because she had her focus on keep going keep going keep going keep going without looking behind.

Bruno left because he knew how Alma was going to react towards that vision of the miracle dying, because he knew his mother was paranoid, and that was going to hurt the family deeply. When Mirabel says "Bruno left because you only saw the worst in him" she's talking about this, about the use Alma did of Bruno's power without realizing he was breaking under the pressure of being the messenger of bad news. But that doesn't mean she hates her fucking son. Stop with the "everybody hates poor Bruno" thing, you're exhausting.

Let me tell you, as a woman with eight brothers, that relationships between siblings are a complex thing. You can love you siblings deeply and choose them over everything else, and STILL be aware that sometimes they can be assholes towards some things, and you can get frustrated with them, and you can argue, sometimes for real, sometimes just as banter, and two minutes later you both are laughing over some stupid family running gag you've been laughing at for 20 years, and that's it. It's not a black&white thing. So yes, of course the Madrigals would have a lot of happy moments in the forty years they spent together, and that doesn't erase in the slightest their pain, their struggles and their problems. That's just how real life is, goddamnit. And I'm saying this very aware of the fact that actual toxic families where everyone lives actively hurting each other exist, BUT that's not the case of the Madrigals, please, assume it and stop projecting your issues into them, because it's fucking obvious how much Alma, Pepa and Julieta love and miss Bruno in the movie.

BuT tHeY sInG a SoNg ShItTiNg On HiM!!!!¡¡!!¡1!

Ok, my opinions about We don't talk about Bruno are too long, I'll reserve them for another post. But long story short: if you can't see that Pepa is telling you the greatest hit of her brother's gaffes, Dolores is defending him, Camilo is just joking, town people are being ridiculous and Isa is remembering his good omens, you're the one who's shitting on someone else without reason. I'll elaborate another day.

Also, THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT BRUNO BECAUSE BRUNO ABANDONED THEM AND THEY'RE HURT AF. "But Bruno didn't—" OK, BUT THE FAMILY DOESN’T KNOW IT. Probably, the reason because no one talks about Bruno is Alma; for her, remembering his absence must be like sticking a fork in her eye. She doesn't talk about her dead husband and she doesn't talk about her missing son. Period.

[wallflowerimagines]

*TW PERIOD MENTION*

If you're comfortable with this, could you do some hcs for the lords (but mainly moreau) with an s/o who gets HORRIBLE period cramps? Like they're literally writhing in pain and even after they take pain meds it's still miserable. Only do this if you feel comfortable of course, I totally understand if you dont want to do it❤

Hi, sorry folks, I bumped this to the top of the list, cuz I don't know if it's time sensitive for you, hope it brings comfort❤️ (Moreau's will have some extra)

TW: Period Mention, Reader is still Gender Neutral

Alcina Dimitrescu

Ah, she remembers those. She hasn't had to deal with one in a long while, due to her mutation, but even for her the experience was not pleasant.

This, however, looks very different.

Alcina cannot imagine the pain you must be in. You are curled into yourself on the couch, humming in an attempt to distract yourself from the pain, and you might try to hide them but she can see the tear tracks on your face.

Alcina takes care of you. Any of her day to day tasks can and will wait-- you are far more important. She doesn't leave the room unless you ask her to, and the Maids aren't let into the room unless it is to bring HER the things she needs to take care of you.

She will do whatever you need from her, no question. Cuddles, heated blankets, she will even read aloud to you as a distraction. Pro tip--her hands can get pretty chilly, and if you're someone who does well with ice packs, her hands work 100% better to cool off your skin.

Don't worry about her loosing control at the smell of blood--you are obviously in pain and she has far too much self control to let a little bit of blood bother her. (But depending on how hungry her daughters are, they might not be let in the room unless they have fed recently)

She will also use her contact with the Duke to find you a proper doctor. It's not normal for you to be in this much pain. Dearest, it doesn't matter if someone else has said there's nothing more to be done-- she's getting you a competent Doctor to get a second opinion.

Donna Beneviento

Donna is panicking.

Lady Beneviento is stressed the hell out by seeing you in pain--she hates it. You're lying in a pile of blankets on the floor, unable to be even the slightest bit comfortable because of the pain, and in such obvious agony that your hands are shaking.

Still, she's more than ready to make you feel better. Other than pain pills and more traditional treatment, Donna firmly believes in the power of distraction.

She will use books, movies, heck with your permission she might even use the pollen to craft a hallucination for you to help take the pain away.

(Ethan's encounter with the demon fetus was able to cause him enough harm that he felt it, Donna would definitely try to see if she could use her powers to trick your brain into not feeling as much pain)

She will also be attached to you at the hip, if you need space or can't be touched during your period, you need to tell her up front. She'll be very clingy when you are this miserable.

A little self indulgence here: while Donna does like her tea, she makes a KILLER hot chocolate. If chocolate brings you joy during your period, she has a constant, steady supply of it sent up to your room.

Salvatore Moreau

Salvatore engages Doctor mode immediately. For you to be in this much pain is both not normal and completely unacceptable. He's going to do his best to help.

This man absolutely used to be the Village doctor before his mutation, and as a result does Know His Shit. His siblings and mother may infantilize him to a certain degree, but that is mainly because Moreau's main issues are short term memory problems and his obsessive devotion to Mother Miranda that can make him regress. He's still competent as a doctor, and if he needs to reference anything, he still has some copies of medical textbooks.

He was also a Small Town Doctor, meaning he knows how to treat pain without access to traditional medicine, since often times he didn't have access to it.

It doesn't matter if you're not a tea person, you're still getting tea, made with herbs you don't know the name of and couldn't pronounce even if you did.

He doubles this up with more traditional pain relief methods like extra strength ibuprofen and heated compresses on the area. He might even talk you into doing a few exercises--it can help a lot with pain relief.

Still, when he's caring for you, sometimes he has to leave the room. He uses getting you a glass of water or another blanket as an excuse, but it's really so he can take a deep breath and center himself. Moreau is an empathetic man who loves you to pieces, and watching you cry silently into a pillow just...hurts.

Salvatore also does his best to distract you with anything he has on hand, mostly movies. While you two might normally playfully argue about which ones to watch, he will absolutely defer to you. I would recommend taking this time to watch a scary movie if you're a horror fan, there's literally no other time where Moreau would let you get away with it.

He is at your side constantly, and will only give you space if you ask for it. Even then, he will pop back in every few hours to check in.

Now for Fluff stuff: If you're not careful and watch him like he watches you, Moreau will run himself ragged trying to keep you comfortable.

The best solution to preventing this is coaxing him into bed with you. He might let out a couple of token protests, but one look at your pleading face takes all the fight right out of him.

He will cuddle up to you as close as possible and rub little circles into your back or stomach, whatever feels best. If you two are face to face, you can start to feel yourself relax in time with his breathing, and both of you slowly drift off to sleep together.

It's the best you've felt in days ❤️

Karl Heisenberg

Magnet Man is just... So lost...

You are writhing in agony in your bed, sobbing into a pillow, and so obviously suffering. He HATES to see you like this, because you're hurting and he doesn't know how to fix it.

Karl wants to hurt the things that hurt you, but when it's your own body rebelling against you and causing you pain...He wants to make it better for you but he can't.

He swallowed his pride IMMEDIATELY and called Moreau to the factory. Heisenberg might consider The Lord of the Reservoir to be a little slow in the head, but he used to be a doctor, and Karl is taking zero chances with your health.

He also pops by the Duke to pick up any kind of pain relief possible--Karl literally brings back 8 different brands of acetaminophen, hot water bottles, cocaine, opium, and enough alcohol to give an elephant a blackout. (Maybe he can get you to pass out long enough that you'll sleep through the worst of it?)

You will have to ask directly for cuddles if you want them--as handsy and clingy as Heisenberg is, he is so Bad At Feelings that he will just hover in the corner and work on projects to keep his hands busy. He doesn't know if you want to be touched, and is afraid to ask...but he really wants to keep an eye on you anyway.

[absentcaryatid]

Mingi’s New Job

An ATEEZ fanfic by AbsentCaryatid

1K words, Content note: food, unelaborated mention of harassment

This demon AU was on my mind after a delightful conversation with @smileysuh yesterday in which she commented that Mingi would not make a good demon. Thank you so much for the laugh and idea.

~

It was a rare day off and Mingi did not know what to do with himself, partly because demons never got the day off. After the latest incident reuniting a dog with their tearful owner, Mingi was about to lose his job but it was difficult to feel bad about that. Although born into a very well respected and devilish demon family he had always been a misfit and grown to be a sweet young man no matter how much they tried to change his nature.

He was tall but never intimidating about it. The deep voice which could have been so effective literally damning people was always cheerful and his face made to sneer menacingly was often found with a grin breaking into frequent laughter.

Getting fired would probably improve his life even if he had no idea what demons could do to be self-supporting. Perhaps an ice cream cart in the park bringing people pleasure would be something he would like to do. He had grown up around them when practicing the dark arts making the ice cream fall right off the cone at the first lick. Even that taste of the power to menace the lives of humans had left him empty save for the few times he judged the person deserved it for yelling at their child or being rough with their pet. Along these lines he had developed a flair for getting birds to deposit on the heads of street harassers interrupting their frightening behavior.

So, Mingi had skills, just not ones most demons would think bragworthy. He tried, he really did, but his heart was not cut out to be a demon. His older brother was great at it, making it hard to follow in his cloven footsteps no matter what, but it made Mingi's pathetic attempts look even sadder. During the job's trial period the worst Mingi could come up with to torment humanity was paper cuts and the occasional lemon juice afterward for those who truly deserved it, but more often he was found running over to provide welcome comfort in the form of a Hello Kitty band-aid.

The sting of disdain from the observer grading him was still felt months later. At the time Mingi thought it was only as a favor to his notable family that he was allowed to graduate to independent work but he was beginning to wonder if that really just meant there was nobody left who would put up with him in a training placement at their side.

He decided then and there that the demon life was not for him. In a rare twist, he was the first person ever to call forth a demon to make a deal for a soul, not giving one up but hoping to receive one. His brother had appeared on demand happy to see Mingi who was so easy to love despite all his shortcomings that made him a wash out as a demon. Listening to the problem, his brother came up with an offer. “I shall give you a soul and make you fully human at the cost of your powers.”

Mingi's eyes shone at the possibility of a life much more suited to his gentle heart. “I would like to make people happy if I can, bring a smile to their faces and help them feel strong when they are low.”

Thinking a moment his brother had an idea. “Lots of folks sell their soul to become an idol. I have placed quite a few in the Korean pop industry myself. Would you like me to make that happen?”

“Oh yes, please! I could bring joy to so many people!” The little brother flung himself into the arms of his sibling and cried in thanks.

In a rare moment of tenderness, his brother wiped a tear rather than his usual activity of gleefully causing them in people. “Be right back.” The elder vanished in a dramatic cloud of sulfurous smoke Mingi was never able to manage, his own transportations to the underworld somehow left a delicate pink cloud with a hint of bubblegum.

A thunderclap announced his brother's return. “Okay, I cleared it with mom and dad who agree you can make them proud as an idol in a way demon work was never going to suit you. I have set you up for an audition with KQ Entertainment. They will be forming a group called KQ Fellaz which will later become ATEEZ. I know it is a lot to take in right now but you will be great at this and I have made sure the other members are people who will come to love you like I do.”

Ruffling the hair of his little brother he added, “I know you will be happier on Earth and I will still be keeping an eye on you and visiting regularly. You are of course welcome to come home for the major holidays because it would not be the same without the whole family. Call out for me anytime and I will pick you up.”

A very heartfelt “Thank you” was all Mingi could manage in the circumstances as his brother looked at him fondly. It came to pass as planned and Mingi's life with ATEEZ suited him perfectly. Still getting the hang of being human, he did look a little lost from time to time and needed more support than his teammates in some things but all in all his life was a far more fitting one than his previous work. Mingi's family took a little heat from the big boss for their role in making the world a better place with ATEEZ in it but they weathered it well and everyone in demon clan Song, even the human one, lived happily ever after.

~

Mingi Masterlist

General Masterlist

[thosch3i]

Fic Writer Interview Game

was tagged by @extraordinarilyextreme <3 thank you so much! was out all day and only got around to this now lol

name: emmy/thosch3i whatever u wanna call me, it’s all good lol

fandoms: currently, only dmbj but previously also zhenhun. most of my fics on my ao3 are still weilan but maybe one day i’ll kick my ass into gear and write more pingxie LOL.

two-shots: ......I only write one-shots i’m sorry LOL

most popular multi-chapter fic: ............i really do only have one-shots man im sorry. most popular fic in general is going viral, at 840 kudos. shen wei vs technology in covid-era online classes lol. glad all 840 of you were coping with this pandemic well(?????)

actual worst part of writing: getting ideas from brain onto paper. talking about fun angsty ideas in dms? awesome! actually writing them? uhhhhhhhhhhh [sweats] also lol finding time to write. i feel like i never have time these days but maybe my time management is just...terrible.

how you choose your titles: i write the entire fic and then panic throw a random line that sounds vaguely related as the title. idk what im doing, ever, dont ask me things. *lies down*

do you outline?: usually yeah. most of the time my writing goes horribly south from the actual outline anyway though. (everything’s fine folks i promise--) though sometimes for short fics i’ll just have a general idea and start typing. and then it turns into like 15k words and i despair

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: all of my old weilan fics lol. i had a huge 20k outline for a weilan x dbh crossover with android shen wei and Plot and Twists and Betrayal and Revelations and whatnot and honestly i was rly hyped to write it, i got 50k for nanowrimo two years ago but ehhhh i just dont have the brain for guardian anymore....im only capable of fixating on one fandom at a time. looking through my guardian wips i also have multiple other soulmate AUs, a literal ghost!sw + human!zyl AU with a whole other plot, urban fantasy demon!sw + human(?)zyl again with....more plot. lol i give up on life *shrugs*

callouts @ me: write faster and also read more fics in english instead of chinese because you’re forgetting how the english language works at this point, dumbass

best writing traits: i legit do not know. descriptions? fluff? pining? lol help

spicy tangential opinion: hmmm...mainly, i dont read much eng dmbj fanfic bc i dont vibe with most popular eng fandom fanon/characterization, sorry 😅 uhhhhh i also really hate it when people forget that xg & pz have their own friendship and relationship independent of wx......pz tends to bring out xg’s playful side at times, which un showed w their last couple eps and also there’s a novel extra where xg pranks pz (&wx but mostly pz bc wx sees through it p quickly) with a fake zombie turtle and it’s rly cute lol. anyway t3j’s relationship is the heart of dmbj and it can’t be intruded upon or broken up by others, esp by chongqi/rain village. uhhhh another spicy opinion: i vastly prefer huaxiu to hei///hua, sorry guys orz i blame tlt2...huaxiu are too cute ;;;;;; anyway ill stop there before the entire dmbj tumblr fandom blocks me LOL. (i also have too many Opinions(tm) about characterization.)

but anyway, so like im definitely a cranky judgy bastard at times, but in the end fanfic is fanfic so u can write whatever ooc crackship crack premise stuff you want, have fun with it. i certainly do too. as long as you’re having fun then that’s all that matters. tangentially related, dramas don’t have to be Objectively Good/Amazing or anything for you to like them. i definitely have very strong opinions on dmbj adaptations for example re: how they respect the novel and characterization of t3j especially, but they all have their own problems....(some far more serious than others). i could write an essay about that but i wont, to save your eyes LOL. 

(i mean at the end of the day i unironically love time raiders and that is like an objectively terrible movie.)

tagging: im so inactive on tumblr im sorry idk anyone anymore. i think lots of dmbj writers have already been tagged but also i dont read much dmbj fanfic so im not sure who else there is OTL @laireshi ik u already got tagged but if u choose to do this i wanna see :D otherwise if you’re a fic writer and you see this please feel free to tag yourself~

EDIT: im a clown sorry laire just saw u already did it lmaoooo

[shirtlesssammy]

6x21: Let It Bleed

Then:

Dean and Cas broke up

Now:

March 15, 1937

Providence, Rhode Island

It was a dark and stormy night, and HP Lovecraft sits at his typewriter clicking away. He finishes his manuscript, and his door slowly creaks open. He pulls out a revolver and heads to the hallway, but quickly backs back into the room and locks the door. A window blasts open and a shadowy figure is there. He pleads with it --but becomes blood cannon fodder anyway. 

Dean continues to dissect what could have gone differently to prevent his breakup with Cas. Sam tries being the logical friend --but there’s no explaining heartbreak, folks. Bobby comes in to tell them that when Cas popped in for his late night tet-a-tet with Dean, he stole a journal. But don’t worry, Bobby had a copy. 

Upon reading it, Bobby discovers a mention of HP Lovecraft. Dean doesn’t know who that is --and you’re going to tell me the dude that knows horror movies like the back of his hand and reads Stephen King doesn’t know who the father of horror is? And I know that Dean lies to cover up things he thinks other people would look down on him for, but this would be a weird moment to do that. 

Anyway, Bobby thinks Lovecraft knew something about purgatory. 

Meanwhile, Ben is chilling in his room reading Cthulhu graphic novels while his mom is watching the sportsball with her new beau. Demons bust in and gut the boyfriend right away. One takes after Ben. Ben gets to his room and calls Dean in a panic. He doesn’t know what’s out there and he can’t get to the shotgun in Lisa’s closet. Dean tells him to jump out his window. It’s too late --Crowley’s there and has both Ben and Lisa. 

Crowley tells Dean that no harm will come to them if he backs off from the purgatory plan. 

Sam throws some salt on Dean’s wound and asks if Cas knows about this. “We gotta assume that he does.” OUCH.

While Bobby heads off to follow the Lovecraft lead, Dean and Sam set to finding Lisa and Ben. They summon Balthazar and tell him that Crowley is alive. He blinks and tells them Cas already informed him. They then tell him about splitting the souls in purgatory plan. Balthazar knew that too, ahem. He refuses to help find Ben and Lisa. 

Sam thinks they should call Cas. “WE’RE NOT CALLING CAS.” This is a man in pain, Sam, he needs time. 

Bobby, meanwhile, interviews someone who possesses a large collection of Lovecraft’s private letters. He asks about March 10, 1937 specifically, and the dude wonders if he’s working with the other guy --”trench coat, looks like Colombo, talks like Rainman.” We’re supposed to assume he’s describing Cas, but ?? okay. They’re competitors actually.

The guy tells Bobby that Lovecraft had a dinner party with other blackmagic followers. They were getting together to perform a ritual to open a door into another dimension. He has --or had-- letters describing the dinner. Bobby leaves, knowing exactly how the letters disappeared. 

Bobby discusses the case with Sam, revealing that one guest of the party -the maid’s son- didn’t die and has been in a mental ward since that night. He’s gong to interview the man now. 

Dean, meanwhile, is lining the demons up and taking them down if they don’t answer his questions. 

For Murderous Rampage Science:

Sam tries to get his brother to take a break, but Dean is 100% on an emotional bender and will not stop. Sam then heads outside to pray to Cas --pleading with him to bring Ben and Lisa home. 

When Cas doesn’t appear, Sam walks away, dejected. Only Cas is there, invisible to Sam. AND I WANT TO TEAR OUT MY EYES. 

Cas confronts Crowley. Crowley was “merely exploiting the obvious loophole.” Cas demands he tell him where they are. 

Crowley tells Cas the only way to save Lisa and Ben is for him to find Purgatory. 

For Literal Science:

Cas flaps away when Balthazar summons him. They meet in a wooded area, and Balthazar confronts Cas about his partnership with Crowley. 

Balthazar confirms that Cas would be the vessel to take on the souls from purgatory. He could explode from all that energy. Cas assures him he won’t (weeps). Cas demands Balthazar tell him if he’s with Cas, and Balthazar laughs but agrees. 

Bobby interviews the maid’s son, and discovers Cas was already there. Bobby asks for the story. The man tells what was said at the time, but then asks, “Do you believe in monsters?” He tells Bobby that the door did open that night, and whatever came through took over his mother. Then the others died. Bobby gives his condolences to the man, and he shows Bobby a picture of his mother. Bobby recognizes her.

Dean prepares his Tortures for Demons™ when his foot drags part of the devil’s trap away. The demon immediately gets the drop on Dean, only for Cas to flap in (or turn visible) just in time to save Dean’s bacon. 

Dean’s...ungrateful. Surly, even! Cas apologizes about Lisa and Ben, and he’s hurt when Dean doesn’t believe that he had nothing to do with their abduction. 

“Dean, I do everything that you ask,” Cas pleads. “I always come when you call and I am your friend - still. Despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats.” Cas is just asking for backup this ONE TIME. (And you know what? Knowing the crap these Winchester boys have pulled, I always felt like Cas made a good point here.) They lob soulful looks at each other. Cas promises to rescue Lisa and Ben if Dean will just PLEASE stand down and let him absorb every single monster soul EVER it’s NOT A BIG DEAL. This is entirely the wrong tactic, and Dean tells Cas to go back to Crowley and he’ll save Lisa and Ben on his own. 

Cas flaps away. Soulfully. 

Bobby arrives at Eleanor-the-Dragon’s door. She’s at a little cabin in the middle of nowhere - one of her safe houses. He confronts her with the old photo and demands to know her agenda. “You know, we’re not all alike,” she retorts. She reacts similarly poorly to Bobby complaining about sleeping with her without knowing she was a monster. BOBBY! WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT RIGHT NOW. She tells him that the world’s lucky that she’s who popped through the portal. The professor is on Team Earth. Bobby begs to know the secret of the portal so that he can protect her from Cas. 

Balthazar flaps in on Sam. He’s joining Team Winchester because he’s terribly concerned about Cas’s life choices. He flies them close to Crowley’s angel-warded lockup, and Dean and Sam swoop in to save Lisa and Ben. 

They split up inside the warehouse - always a sensible plan. Sadly, Sam “Soft Noggin” Winchester gets knocked out IMMEDIATELY. Sam plz. Dean bursts into Lisa and Ben’s prison like a little angry blur of knives and in short order, he’s killed all the demons standing guard. They start to flee, when Lisa holds Ben at knifepoint, her eyes flashing black. 

The demon goes all in on the mental torture, telling Ben that Dean’s his real father (JK!) and that Dean is Lisa’s WORST EVER MISTAKE. While Dean catalogues the internal damage, he and Lisa fight. He sheathes the demon blade and starts an exorcism, and I look directly at the camera. Demon Lisa’s got another trick up her sleeve. While the exorcism progresses, the demon grabs a tool and jabs it into Lisa’s gut. Then, she gives Dean a choice: exorcise her and Lisa bleeds out or let Lisa remain animate (but a demon puppet). Wrenchingly, Dean finishes the exorcism. 

He makes sure Ben’s armed with a salt-round shotgun and then they head out of the factory. Ben shoots his first demon while Dean shouts at him to “pull it together” and I...just…….

Guys.

I’m just going to box these feelings up and stuff them in my Dean Winchester is a Sad Child attic, while humming Cat’s in the Cradle to myself.

They find Sam and head for a hospital, Dean muttering the whole time that she’s FINE Lisa is JUST FINE she is FINE. Cut to the hospital where Lisa is NOT FINE, but also is not dead! Yet! 

Cas flaps in. 

Dean refuses his apology. REFUSES IT. But Cas didn’t come to apologize. Okay, he DID, but he primarily came to heal Lisa miraculously. Dean looks up at him like he completely forgot that Cas can heal. 

For Healing Cas Science:

In Jensen Ackles your face is a menace news, Dean displays grief, joy, relief, anger, betrayal, sad cat memes, and more in like less than five seconds of screen time. He thanks Cas for healing Lisa. “I wish this changed anything.” Regrets lie thickly between them. Dean asks for one more favor. He wants himself erased from Lisa and Ben’s memories for good. 

When Lisa wakes, Ben explains that they were in a car crash. Dean enters, and introduces himself as the guy who hit them. GAH. The shitty things these characters do!!! Excuse me while I hurl knives at the wall for a solid thirty minutes!

“I lost control for a minute,” Dean says, not AT ALL metaphorically about their time together. “And I just want to say that I’m sorry.” He heads out, leaving the Braedens entirely unprotected from future supernatural threats and missing a substantial chunk of their lives. Hope Cas also cleaned up Matt’s body??? And the busted door??? (Side note: does anyone else have weird squid emotions thinking about Cas willfully blanking their memories when his own memories have been tampered with time and time again? I SURE DON’T!)

Dean meets judgmental Sam back at the Impala. Sam, I see your judgment, and I judge thee valid. Dean talks about his emotions in an open and healt----hahaha nope. Dean tells Sam that if he ever mentions the Braedens to him then he’ll break Sam’s nose. He punctuates that with mournful, red-rimmed eyes which definitely deal at least 1.5X damage against Sam’s puppy eyes. They drive off into the sad music. 

Elsewhere, Eleanor Visyak leaves her cabin, only to encounter Cas behind her. Cas flaps her away. CAAAAAAAAS!

You QUOTE Miette??!!

Your chocolate's been in my peanut butter for far too long

What’s with the slow burn?

You’re just a man. I’m better off protecting myself

I’m officially on your team. You bastards

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[popatochisssp]

if/when you get the energy/time to- im really curious; what kinda fuzzy friends do the newer skeles have? does pitch have a seeing eye-dog version of princess? or does ell and/or nemo have a fuzzy buddy to help with their anxiety or anything similar or in-between? spare fuzzy friend hcs for the poor, ma'am????

Well, you asked for it!

Ash (Undergloom Sans): A cat named Annie (Ragdoll), adopted as an emotional support buddy! She picked him, really, just ambling right on up to him, and it was love at first flop-over-his feet. Having a little sweetheart like her to take care of has really helped to pull Ash out of the doldrums and he loves her a lot. She’s a big-time cuddlebug, just like he is, and they definitely spend a ton of time napping together, everywhere and anywhere.

Annie’s Quirks: Extra chunky (master of the ‘I haven’t been fed yet 🥺’ con), stockpiles socks and undies beneath the bed, shameless catnip junkie

Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus): He feels like he’s not as active as he should be, lots of time spent indoors doing academic things, when there’s a whole beautiful world out there that he should be getting out to see at least sometimes... He has the idea that maybe an animal companion would be the right motivation to get up and out at least a couple times a day, and Cannoli (Pembroke Welsh Corgi) is the solution to the problem! They click pretty much immediately and are just very well-suited to each other, especially as exercise partners.

Cannoli’s Quirks: Loves (short) walks, rests his head on any feet that stay still long enough, must sleep in the same bed as the people and will hop/bark/cry if he can’t get up there himself

Brick (Horrorfell Sans):He doesn’t know too much of the story himself, he’s sure he was told in more detail but probably forgot. All he remembers is, a friend of a friend had a dog who had an accident...or maybe it got sick? Either way, it went deaf, and the dog was too big and unwieldy for them to try to retrain themselves. But they had a friend who was HoH, and that friend was active in the community with lots of other signing and HoH folks and could ask around about someone who might be up for the challenge of having and training a real big dog that couldn’t hear a word you said to it. That’s how Brick heard about it, anyway, and he’s not deaf but he’s big, and he figures he probably knows at least enough sign by now to train a dog. And that’s how Tiny (English Mastiff) comes to stay at his place. They clumsily work on understanding each other, it’s definitely a Process, but there’s plenty of fondness there to make any difficulty worth the trouble.

Tiny’s Quirks: Bit of a digging problem, gets very excited about balloons, likes to sit near people and lean his entire weight into them

King (Horrorfell Papyrus): This one may look familiar, but it’s fate-- Doomfanger (Persian) belongs with him and could find her way to him in any universe. ...But King was a little later getting to the Surface, and wasn’t there to pick her up when she was freshly on the streets. She spent awhile longer being an alleycat, a few years of living the rough life, and one day when she’s not quite fast enough to scurry out of the way of an oncoming car, it probably would’ve been the end for her... if not for the kind Samaritan skeleton who was just passing by that scooped her up off the pavement and brought her to a vet. King tried very hard not to get attached to her, especially when it was still looking like she wouldn’t make it, but he kept moving the goalpost of when he’d let himself care about her. ‘IF IT LIVES UNTIL MORNING,’ ‘IF IT MAKES IT TO THE VET,’ ‘IF SHE SURVIVES HER SURGERY,’ ‘IF--’ and then she looks at him, with her goofy drugged up face, freshly missing the foot of her back paw so that they even match now, and... And just like that, Doomfanger has a home and a devoted cat-dad owner and anything else she could possibly need.

Doomfanger’s Quirks: Likes to be raked, makes an incredible fuss when shut out of any room for any reason, very spooked by loud noises and immediately runs and hides under daddy’s bed

Merc (Horrorswap Sans): He wanted a pet, especially when things were still a little strained with his brother and the nature of his...condition...made it difficult to make friends. He was lonely and a little pal would be very welcome in his home, but he’d also really hate to curse a furry friend with the ever-present threat of being dripped on and getting nasty bone-goop stuck in their fur... Ella (Sphynx) is the workaround to this unusual problem and makes herself right at home with Merc, happy to love on him whether he’s solid or sticky.

Ella’s Quirks: Has an extensive collection of sweaters that she adores (will sit by her dresser and meow until she is clothed), great sense for emotions and tends to appear whenever she’s needed, transfixed by mirrors

Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus): He didn’t choose Ripley (Maine Coon), Ripley... well, he’s not even sure Ripley chose him. He definitely chose Ella, because that pretty little sweater-wearing vixen in the window is what drove him to bust into Ell and Merc’s house and start sauntering around like he owned the place. Ripley (named before they realized he was a boy-cat) was definitely feral, with a notched ear and a missing eye, but he just keeps coming around, breaking and entering, cuddling with Ella and sharing her food, and when he one day hops into Ell’s lap and curls his big fluffy body up there... Ell makes the (possibly bad) decision to just shut the doors and windows on this mean, fat bastard and make him commit to the self-domestication he’d started. Ripley’s fickle, anti-social, and nine times out of ten mean as hell, but despite it all, Ell’s attached to the fucker. Doesn’t stop him from talking mad shit about his demon-cat to anyone who’ll listen, but y’know, there’s a weird sort of love there, between them both.

Ripley’s Quirks: Hates other cats and people, with Ell and Ella as the only exceptions (Ell sometimes, Ella always), does truly heinous things to birds and rodents and even bugs if the opportunity presents itself, an escape artist who is not to be trusted around doors or windows

Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans): Ms. Sandy Peaches (Golden Retriever) is a service dog, trained to assist people with visual impairments in a variety of tasks. Pitch, who’d long been mulling over the idea of getting one such dog, eventually follows through, and as soon as he hears her name, he’s decided-- Sandy Peaches is the one for him! He’s been blind awhile by the time he gets her and generally knows his way around things, but she’s very helpful in his day-to-day and some of the things that were moderately inconvenient to get through before are only mildly inconvenient now, and her value as a helper and a companion is much appreciated.

Sandy’s Quirks: Gets excited when it’s time to put her vest on and go work, thinks the appropriate amount of brushing time is probably about three hours, loves to go swimming

Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus): He found Dizzy (American Shorthair) after an accidental click led him to a local shelter’s Instagram, where they had a video of her playing and a few hashtags that explained her condition. He learned a lot about cerebellar hypoplasia, aka ‘wobbly cat syndrome,’ and when he eventually made it back to her video and watched it again... it was too late, he was already half in love with her. He contacts the shelter and after a couple weeks making arrangements, purchasing necessities, and wobbly-cat-proofing the house, he braves the outdoors to go get her and bring her home. She’s probably 100% his baby within the first hour and he loves being able to take care of her and help a kitty that not everybody would have the time or dedication to take in. The love is very much mutual and Dizzy’s tail does the ‘omg it’s you, I love you!’ tail-quiver whenever she sees him and trots on over.

Dizzy’s Quirks: Sixth sense for when there’s clean laundry to be laid on, likes to hold extended warbling and yowling conversations with people, chews on anything that crinkles (keep plastic wrappers out of reach!)

Sunny (Gastertale Sans): As soon as he knew he wanted a dog, he knew he wanted to pick up one of the less adoptable ones. Skipper (Beagle mutt) was certainly that, with only two legs--one in front and one in back. Sunny had a play session with the little guy and admired his energy and how enthusiastically he played, like his missing legs didn’t even phase him. Whatever happened in Skipper’s past, he’s not letting it be his problem now, and needless to say, he’s adopted and taken home in pretty short order. No holds barred fetch and spontaneous frolicking in open fields are a great bonding activity for these two, probably a match made in heaven.

Skipper’s Quirks: Tennis ball fiend (literally can never have enough), chews on unattended shoes, loves to sing (read: howl) along to music

Aster (Gastertale Papyrus): He wanted a guard dog, some big intimidating-looking thing that would look really, really cool guard the house. He finds Ace (Doberman/Great Dane), unfortunately with his ears already cropped (Aster wouldn’t have chosen the procedure himself), but otherwise a very handsome fellow and still definitely in need of love and a home, both of which Aster was willing and able to provide. He’s attentive with all the care and training his new pup needs, and when Ace grows up just as huge as predicted, looking like a cross between a panther and a hellhound, he’s become an extremely well-mannered and obedient dog, full to the tips of his pointy ears with love for Aster.

Ace’s Quirks: King of naps, the worst nightmare of any strangers at the door (but very affectionate and loving once they’re in!), will tell you if you’ve stopped petting him too soon, boofing and trying to put your hand back to make you resume

[leviskokoro]

Christmas in The Devildom | Home Alone Edition

desc :: Mari tells a tale of what happened during her Christmas during her exchange student program.

word count :: 2247

note/s :: I got this idea about Mari having to defend herself from demons while she’s alone on Christmas. But then I realised... “Hey! This is literally just the premise of Home Alone!” so I decided to write it.

relationship/s :: implied fluffwings | jack x mari / implied greedwings | mammon x mari

art credit :: KEMM01 on Deviantart

edit credit :: me

Holiday season was a lovely time of cheer and giving for most people. Mari gave a sigh of relief, finally done giving her last gift of the day. Yes, seeing the generally happy reactions of the people she cared for brought joy to her weary heart, even if those people didn’t necessarily care for her back. Now it was just time to relax during the NRC Christmas party.

Everyone from every dorm had gathered to the cafeteria to partake in the festivities. Every nook and cranny had been decorated to perfection. But maybe that was pushing things a bit since Mari was the one that had to decorate everything after Crowley pushed the work onto her for the hundredth time she’s lived in Twisted Wonderland at the last minute when he just decided that a Christmas party might help bring students together more. At least she can rest while the first years talked about how they spent their Christmas at home.

“Mari.” The girl looked up to see Epel looking at her with a curious gaze. “What was Christmas like for you when you were in your world?”

“Yeah, we’ve been the ones talking here but you haven’t shared anything the whole time,” Ace spoke up as he bit into some cookies.

“Ah, sorry—”

“Didn’t you live in Hell for a year? What’s Christmas there like?” Deuce asked, placing a finger to his chin in thought.

Mari was silent for a moment, trying to get her thoughts and memories in order.

“Um… it’s kind of a long story. Are you guys alright with that?” She glanced at each of their faces for confirmation.

“You’re an excellent storyteller, Mari. It’d be wonderful to hear it,” Sebek chimed in, placing his food on the table and sitting with them.

She nodded, relieved that they seemed to be alright to tell them.

“So… I was mostly left alone during the holidays—”

“Eh? Left alone?” Ace raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah… We were going to celebrate but the demon brothers and the folks at Purgatory Hall were called to a meeting and had to take care of some business in a farther area in the Devildom. I wasn’t able to come because that place had particularly deadly air for humans…”

“Why do I have to go?! There’s gonna be a whole bunch of Christmas special limited edition figurines for Rurichan and all my favorite idols!” Levi had complained as he stuffed his fifth Rurichan figurine into his luggage.

“I was planning on eating a Christmas feast…” Beel had also whined, rubbing his stomach. In his hands were three gigantic bags filled with snacks and snacks only.

“Is it really okay to leave Mari here?” Asmo asked, who was mostly just clinging onto her body; She’s had to swat his grabby hands from touching her more intimate parts a couple times but cuddles with him were generally still quite lovely. Among them, he had the most packed luggages that was all dedicated to his beauty and fashion.

“Yeah, lesser demons might take this opportunity to sneak into this place and eat Mari.” Satan at least had a reasonable amount of bags. Though, he held one novel in his arm.

She sighed, running her hand through her sift chocolate locks. “Guys, no offense but you were the ones to put me in the most danger here during my exchange program here.”

They all seemed sheepish now. “Uhh—“

“Enough whining. We’re going to be late already,” Lucifer spoke up. “Mari should be fine. No one would be stupid enough to harm her if they knew the consequence will be being charged with treason and being tortured for eternity.”

Mari gave a thumbs up. “Yeah. There’s nothing to worry about.” Her eyes widened, noticing something rather odd.

She looked around. “Where’s Mammon?” She asked.

“He said he had something to do,” Satan answered.

Lucifer turned around and started walking. “We’ll leave him behind. He can catch up,” he spoke. His shoes made light clicking noises against the floor as he left the premises, the rest of the brothers followed him.

“Hey! Wait up!” Mammon yelled as he darted out of his room, carrying a bunch of stuff with him.

“Hey! Are you guys telling stories?” Kalim’s bright voice interrupted her speech. A large grin was plastered on his face.

“Kalim, don’t just barge into conversations like that,” Jamil scolded him. He carried two trays filled with food, one for him and one for Kalim.

“It’s fine! I was getting to the interesting part.”

“Très bien! How wonderful to see you all spending quality time during this festive party! It touches my heart,” Rook’s voice appeared from behind them, causing some of the first years to jump in surprise.

“Your bodyguards left you alone during Christmas? That seems rather irresponsible of them if they knew there was still a chance of you being attacked by demons,” Vil spoke as the two also sat down at the table next to theirs.

She nodded, looking down and biting her lip. “Well… The house did end up being attacked.”

“EH?!” Their eyes were as wide as the plates they were eating from.

“How did you manage to survive?”

“During the last day of school, a bunch of lesser demons had whispered about taking the opportunity to come by and eat my soul after classes. Little did they know, I had overheard their conversation and that gave me some time to prepare…”

Mari rushed around the House of Lamentation, rope and other sorts of equipment that she hastily purchased from Akuzon in her arm. Knowing that this house had a variety of magical items that even she could use despite having a lack of it.

Satan’s room had all sorts of cursed books and Levi’s room had magical merch. If worse comes to worst, she’ll use the grimoire underground. It’s more of a last resort since she knew what happened when Luke was lost and ended up there. Lucifer would’ve killed her if it weren’t for Diavolo.

She stopped in her tracks when she looked into Mammon’s stuff in case he had anything that could be used. Her eyes widened to see a murder of crows in his room.

… What?

One of the crows flew up and landed on her shoulder. “Hey there! You’re Mari, right? We’re Mammon’s familiars! He told us a lot about you. He had us stay here to watch over you.”

“That idiot is so reckless that she’d probably get herself into trouble without me so make sure nothing bad happens to her!” … were his exact words.” A different crow spoke up, imitating his voice and tone with such perfect accuracy that it startled the girl.

A grim pulled at her lips. “Great! A bunch of demons are coming here soon and I’ll be needing your help to defend the place.” She explained her plan to them.

“Wow! You already got this thing planned out,” the first crow commented. “Just give us the order and we’ll do our best!”

Mari nodded, smiling in gratitude for them. She turned around and rushed out the room to start setting everything up.

Using her knowledge of the items in the House of Lamentation, she set up a bunch of traps around the place and sat in the living room, waiting for them to trigger. Near each trap was at least one crow to lure the demons into the traps. In one hand was a controller for one of Levi’s consoles. The other held a specific book that was just titled “Void”.

“Really hope this works…” The girl muttered, her grip around the items tightened.

A cacophony of screams echoed throughout the place and several crows flew to her from different directions, signalling that the traps were successful.

She gave a sigh of relief, happy that they worked. There had been this worry that gnawed at her heart when she thought of the possibility of her ropework being too weak. Fortunately, that seemed to not be the case.

Mari checked the bands she put on their feet. Each crow had a different color so that she would know which traps got triggered.

Red, white, yellow, and green�� Ah!

Red was in charge of luring the demon into a tripwire trap where if they triggered it, it’d pull the pin from a makeshift grenade she made out of Ruri-chan’s Extra Devilish Spicy Powder that she got from Levi’s room. Levi described it to be so spicy that it can cause a demon to pass out as soon as it comes into contact with their nose and eyes.

White was in charge of watching the catapult. If the door with the trap gets opened, the demon would get Asmo’s “special rope” launched at them. It would completely immobilise anyone if it makes contact with someone’s skin.

Yellow was the one watching over the gun trap. If the window was opened, it’d pull the trigger on the replica gun she got from Levi’s room. It had been from “I Got Isekai’d To A Fantasy Historical Drama But I Didn’t Expect To Find Out That 7 Generals Would Fall For Me”. The bullets weren’t lethal or anything, but they were the magical sort that could knock out a demon with one bullet.

Last but not least was green, who watched over the back door. She roped up a bunch of cursed books from Satan’s room, careful not to touch them with her bare hands, and hung them over the door. If triggered, it would drop all the books and curse the demon into 5 months of deep slumber. 5 months felt a bit excessive, but it was probably better than being charged of treason and being tortured for eternity.

However, it seemed that the other two crows didn’t return just yet.

Then, rushed footsteps started approaching the living room. She looked up to see the last crows flying and two demons running towards her. The looks on their faces oozed with murderous intent as they neared her.

… Shit, looks like the last two traps either didn’t get triggered or they found a way around them.

But all she did was bite her lip and opened the book with the pages facing them.

The room started shaking as a dark aura covered the book. The demons screamed when they started getting pulled into the pages of the book, scrambling to keep their ground. However this was in vain, as they ended up getting sucked into the book anyway.

And with that, Mari gave a loud sigh of relief, dropping her body onto the couch. She pressed a button on the controller.

Nothing around her really happened upon pressing it. But the other demons that were immobilised were put into Levi’s game. She had to know their identities first, which was surprisingly easy to find on Devilgram. She should be able to let them out later. Hopefully they don’t die in the game. She had set it to easy mode, after all.

“Yay! We did it!” The crows cheered, gathering close to each other and even doing a little dance in the process.

“... And that was the end of that story. After that night, the demon brothers came back and we spent a lovely Christmas together, the Devildom way.” Mari’s story came to a close. She looked at all the students that were immersed in her story.

“You were able to defend yourself against a whole group of demons in a single night?!” Ace’s eyes were wide open. His expression was mirrored by the others.

“Très bien! You’ve displayed such wonderful resourcefulness against opponents who are much stronger than you!” Rook praised her in his own fashion, gazing at her with his amused hunter green irises.

Jamil nodded, placing his hand to his chin in thought. A small smile could be seen on his face if one were to look close enough. “Using what you had around the house to use as traps… How clever,” he mumbled.

“You’d be a great fit for Scarabia!” Kalim grinned.

“You were able to set all those traps in such a short amount of time. With that sort of workspeed, Pomefiore could make use of your efforts,” Vil retorted, crossing his arms.

A new voice spoke up, “Oh, but her cunning wit should be further honed in Octavinelle. I’m sure I’d make better use of her skill.”

Jamil’s expression turned sour at the sight of the dorm leader of Octavinelle.

“Nonsense! She belongs in Diasomnia with the young master!” Sebek’s voice boomed across the cafeteria.

“Oi! Quiet down, you noisy brat,” Leona spoke up from another table beside them. He glared at the first year.

And that was the start of a rather chaotic argument between all the dorms.

Jack and Mari looked at each other with exasperated expressions.

“You wanna get out of here?” She offered.

All he did was scratch the back of his head and nod. “Yeah, it’d be better if we just went somewhere else.”

The two of them got up and sneaked away from the group that was too absorbed in their fight.

Although, Mari couldn’t help the smile creeping on her face as she processed the fact that they had complimented her. At the time, she didn’t think it was all too special. But it felt really nice to receive such validation.

Perhaps they saw her better now. Someone who isn’t weak all because she had no magic.

The thought soothed her.

[agentnico]

The Green Knight (2021) Review

Right, at least there isn’t another 15 minute pie-eating scene, which is already progress. That being said, don’t expect this new David Lowery feature to be any less confusing or perplexing than his previous work.

Plot: An epic fantasy adventure based on the timeless Arthurian legend, "The Green Knight" tells the story of Sir Gawain (Dev Patel), King Arthur's reckless and headstrong nephew, who embarks on a daring quest to confront the eponymous Green Knight, a gigantic emerald-skinned stranger and tester of men. Gawain contends with ghosts, giants, thieves, and schemers in what becomes a deeper journey to define his character and prove his worth in the eyes of his family and kingdom by facing the ultimate challenger. 

Similar to Die Hard, this film could be seen as an unconventional Christmas movie. It’s set at that time of year and the catalyst for its events that transpire is kickstarted by a Christmas game (a very messed up Christmas game but still)! So what I’m saying is that the green knight is Santa Claus and he brings the Christmas cheer to King Arthur and his Round-table folk and that’s about it. Okay, no, that is an absolute terrible analogy and I truly apologise for wasting everyone’s time. I’ve wasted your time, I’ve wasted my time, and worst of all, I attempted to tarnish the Christmas name!! That is heresy for my part, though to be fair I see many folks online say that they felt like they wasted their time by watching this film, which is understandable, as it is very slow-paced and the kind of arthouse cinema that isn’t usually enjoyed by mainstream audiences. So in a nutshell if you walked into this movie expecting a sprawling King Arthur epic with big fights and action, you evidently have never seen a David Lowery film before. And no, Pete’s Dragon doesn’t count, of course Pete’s Dragon doesn’t count! Why would you think Pete’s Dragon would count?? If you think watching Pete’s Dragon make you a know-it-all David Lowery expert then you can wrong sir (or madam, I don’t discriminate), and I shall hear no further on this subject! By the way I want to assure everyone that I actually have no problems with Pete’s Dragon and I actually think it’s a very sweet little Disney film featuring a big cute green flying dog that is in no way associated with Clifford the Big Red Dog and it’s pleasant to watch. But it’s evidently a Disney movie rather than a David Lowery movie. You want real Lowery you go watch A Ghost Story. That’s right, I want you to endure that damn pie scene just like I did, and I want you to be pleased about it!!!

So anyway, The Green Knight! A new retelling of the famous medieval poem of the questing Sir Gawain. In some ways it’s a very straightforward story and the movie tells it as such, however as those who know the legend can already tell, nothing much happens in this story. Hence why Lowery prolongs this tale by filling it up with many long takes of Dev Patel’s Sir Gawain riding/walking though dark and eery landscapes (akin to a pilgrim from an Ingrid Bergman film) or various mystical happenings hitting his way such as a spirit who asks him to fish out her decapitated head from a lake or a bunch of naked bald giants howling at him like foxes. Oh, and Joel Edgerton and Alicia Vikander show up as what I can only assume as medieval swingers. Literally. There’s a lot of “what the hell is going on??” moments in this, as typical to Lowery fashion, but naturally there’s meaning behind all of it. It’s simply the question of what that meaning may be. Evidently the big themes here are how does one challenge their own fears and inner demons as well as how does one try and become a better person. For Sir Gawain in this film is not a good guy. He’s a constant drunk who spends his days and nights at the brothel indulging himself in women and booze with nothing to show for himself. So when this whole Green Knight endeavour occurs, he sets out on a journey to hopefully find himself and grow into a better and more courageous person - in essence hoping to become worthy of knighthood and joining the Round-table. But the question is, can something like Gawain become a noble knight? Can he even change his ways? In short, no, he cannot. The movie progresses into a set of failures that Gawain endures, seemingly never learning from his own mistakes. Its a fall into tragedy that ends in very Shakespearean form. This isn’t the heroic Arthurian tale you expect, in fact it is quite the opposite.

The film looks stunning. Thanks to the beautiful cinematography by Andrew Droz Palermo and the accompaniment of haunting compositions and arrangements by Daniel Hart, it’s as if we step into a darker and more gloomier version of The Lord of the Rings, with even the Green Knight himself sharing physical attributes with the Ent creatures from those films. This movie successfully creates its own unique distinct fantasy world, not one that I would even want to live in, but one that I gladly observed from the side-lines like the Watcher from the What If? series. All in all this is not an easy watch. Very much demands your attention and patience, as it expects the audience to analyse and draw their own conclusions as to what everything means. 

Overall score: 7/10

[whitehotharlots]

Previewing the 2024 Democrat Primary

Within a couple weeks of his being sworn in, just about every person on earth will wish Joe Biden was no longer president. Sure, the few surviving John B. Anderson voters will be thrilled to see 4 years of crushing austerity and half-assed attempts at Keynesian stimulus. But most people will begin dreaming about a brighter future.

Good news! The 2024 Democratic primary field is going to contain dozens of options. Bad news! They are all going to be disgusting piles of shit. 

The “top tier”

While it’s too early to do any handicapping, these are the candidates the media will treat as having the most realistic chances of securing the nomination. 

Kamala Harris

Kamala did not win a single primary delegate in 2020. This is because she dropped out before the first primary, and that was because no one likes her. She has no base beyond a few thousand of twitter’s most violent psychos. Her disingenuousness approaches John Edwards levels: any halfway incredulous person can see immediately beyond her bullshit. She has no principles whatsoever, and while that may be par for the course for Democrats, she lacks even the basic politician’s ability to intuit anything that might, hypothetically, constitute a principle. 

Even better: she is an awful public speaker. She sounds like how a talking dog would speak if he were just caught stealing people food off the kitchen table. She communicates in weird grunts and faux sassy squeaks, which is how she imagines real black women sound like, but something about her is unable to sell the bit. She begins her sentences in halfhearted AAVE, stops and panics halfway through as she realizes that maybe this sounds fake and offensive, and then reminds herself oh wait, no, this is okay since I’m black. This doesn’t happen once or twice per speech. This is how every single sentence sounds. 

Kamala is like Nancy Pelosi in that no sketch show will ever impersonate her correctly, because anything that came close to authenticity would be considered far too cruel. This might benefit her in the primaries, as she exists in the minds of Democrats as someone and something she absolutely is not in reality. Nominating her would be like allowing your child’s imaginary friend to attempt to drive you to the store. 

Andrew Cuomo

Easily one of the 50 worst people alive, Cuomo has a solid chance because Democrats, same as Republicans, are unable to differentiate between electability and self-serving ruthlessness. Cuomo used the deadliest public health crisis in American history as a pretext for cutting Medicaid and firing 5,000 MTA workers, and his approval rating increased. New York Dems are little piggies who love eating shit. If we assume that the political media will continue their habit of refusing to discuss the legislative history of right wing Democrats, Cuomo might well cruise to the nomination and then lose to literally any human being the GOP nominates by an historic margin. 

Joe Biden

The party loves him because he is a right wing racist. “Progressives” tolerate him because black primary voters over 40 supported him, and their opinion is supposedly a magic window into god’s truth. Everyone else can tell he is manifestly senile. I don’t put it above the DNC to pick a candidate who is in horrible health, dying, or even dead--whatever the financial sector wants, they’ll get. But I would be shocked if his approval rating is above 39% by mid-2023, and by that point deep fake technology will be advanced enough they’ll put out a very lifelike video in which the Max Headroom version of Joe explains he’s proud of his accomplishments--that budget’s almost balanced already--but, man, I gotta abd--I gotta abdica--, uhh, I gotta, I, uhh, I gotta move down, man. 

Wild Cards

These candidates would have all have a chance if they ran, but they could all much more easily retire to Little Saint James off of kickbacks they’ve gotten from Citibank and I.G. Farben. 

Rahm Emanuel

Rahm is going to receive some hugely influential post in the Biden administration. Let’s say he becomes Secretary of Education. His signature achievement will be replacing all elementary school teachers with Amazon’s Alexa, which saved the taxpayers so much money we were able to quadruple the number of armed police officers we put into high schools. This will give him several thousand positive profiles on network news programs and the near-universal support of the Silicon Valley vampires who will own 99% of the country by the time Biden’s term ends. They will use their fancy mind control devices to convince geriatic primary voters that Rahm’s the one who will bring Decency back to the white house. His candidacy will be the paragon of wokeness, as expressing concern toward the fact that he covered up the police murder of a black guy will get you called a racist. 

Rahm has a bonus in that Jewish men are now Schrodeniger’s PoC. When they are decent human beings, they are basic, cis white men who are stealing attention from disabled trans candidates of color. When they love austerity and apartheid, they become the most vulnerable people of color on earth and criticizing them in any way is genocide. No one will be able to mention a single thing Rahm has ever done or said without opening themselves to accusations of antisemitism, and that gives him a strong edge against the rest of the field. The good news is that an Emmanuel candidacy would result in over 50% of black voters choosing the GOP candidate--which, I guess that’s not really good but it would certainly be funny. 

Gavin Newsom

Newsom is every bit as feckless as Cuomo, but he doesn’t put off the same “bad guy in an early Steven Segal movie” vibes. He will mention climate change 50 times per speech and no one will bother to mention how he keeps signing fracking contracts even though his state is now on fire 11 months of the year. If anything, this will be spun into an argument about how he’s actually the candidate best suited to handle all the water refugees gathering on the southern border. Look for his plan to curb emissions by 10% by the year 2150 to get high marks from Sierra Club nerds. He’s also a celebate librarian’s idea of what constitutes a handsome man, so he’ll have some support from the type of women who claim to hate all men. 

Larry Summers

I mean, why not? Larry, like most members of the Obama administration, has politics that are eerily similar to those of Jordan Peterson. In normal circumstances, this makes a person a dangerous fascist who should not be platformed. But if that person has a D next to their name this makes them a realistic pragmatist who has what it takes to bring suburban bankers into our tent. If current trends in Woke Phrenology continue apace, Larry’s belief that women are inherently bad at STEM will be liberal orthodoxy by 2023, and his dedication to the Laffer Curve could see him rake in massive donations. Seriously, I’m not kidding: cultural liberalism is now fully dedicated to identity essentialism and balanced budgets. Larry is their ideal candidate. If he were black and/or a woman, I’d put him in the very top tier. 

Jay Inslee

Unlike Newsom, Inslee’s attempt to crown himself the King of Global Warming won’t be immediately derailed, since his state is only on fire because of protestors. This, however, poses a different problem. He’s going to be a good test case for the Democrat’s uneasy peace with the ever increasing share of the electorate who become catatonic upon hearing a pronoun. On the one hand, you need to take their votes for granted. On the other hand, they’re not like black people or regular gays: most voters actively, consciously despise wokies, and associating yourself with them will ruin a campaign even in deep blue areas. There’s still gonna be riots in a year. Biden’s gonna announce the sale of all our nation’s potable water to the good folks at Nestle and some trans freak named Sasha-Malia DeBalzac is going to use that as an opportunity to sell their new pamphlet about how it’s fascist to not burn down small businesses. No matter what Inslee does in response, it’ll end his career. 

AOC

I’m not one of those “AOC is a secret conservative” weirdos, but I am aware enough of basic reality to know she has zero chance of coming close to the nomination. The right and the center both regard her as a literal demon. The party is already blaming her for the fact that a handful of faceless Reagan acolytes failed to flip their suburban districts even though they ran on sensible pragmatic proposals like euthanizing the homeless. The recriminations will only get more unhinged when the Dems eat shit in the 2022 midterms. She will be a Russian, she will be white male, she will be a communist, she will be a homophobe: any insult or conspiracy theory you can name, MSNBC will spend hours discussing. Her house seat challenger will receive a record amount of support from the DNC in 2024 and it’ll be all she can do to remain in congress.

Larry Hogan

Don’t be dissuaded by the fact that he’s a Republican. Larry is the DNC’s ideal candidate: a physically repulsive conservative who owes his entire career to appealing to the most spiteful desires of suburban white people. He’s an open racist in a material sense--if you’re old-school enough to think racism is a matter of beliefs and actions, rather than the presence of cultural signifiers--but his is the beloved “never Trump” style of racism that Dems covet. He’s also a Proven Leader who thinks the role of government should be to finance the construction of investment property and give police the resources they need to run successful drug trafficking operations. Few people embody the Democrat worldview more than Larry. 

The Losers Bracket

These people will have at least a small chance due solely to the fact that the Democrats love losing. They have lost in the past, and in the Democrat Mind that makes them especially qualified.

Joe Kennedy

The man looks like a mushroom-human hybrid from a JRPG. Trump proved that physical hideousness need not doom a presidential bid, but a candidate still needs some kind of charm or oratorical abilities or, god forbid, a decent platform. Joe aggressively lacks all of these things. A vanity campaign would be a good way to raise money and perhaps secure an MSNBC gig, so Joe might still run. 

Mayor Pete 

I am 100% convinced that Pete’s 2020 run was a CIA plot meant to prevent working class Americans from ever having a chance of living decent lives. I am also 100% aware that Democrats are dumb enough to enthusiastically support a CIA plot meant to prevent working class Americans from ever having a chance of living decent lives. If we have some sort of military or terror disaster between now and 2023 the Dems are sure to want a TROOP, and wait wait wait you’re telling me this one is a gay troop? Holy hell there’s no way that could lose!

Stacy Abrams

Never underestimate the power of white guilt. She lost the gubernatorial race to Gomer Pyle’s grandson, and her spiritual guidance of the Dems saw the party lose black voters in Georgia in 2020. Nonetheless, she is regarded as a magic font of fierceness within the DNC. She might stand a chance if she can establish herself as the most conservative non-white candidate in the field, but there’s going to be stiff competition for that honor.

Elizabeth Warren

Liz is probably angry that the party so shamelessly sold her out even after she was a good little girl and sabatoged Bernie’s campaign for them--yet another example of high ranking US government officials reneging on their promises to the Native American community. Smdh. The fact that this woman hasn’t been bankrupted a dozen times over by various Wallet Inspectors genuinely astounds me. So Liz is probably going to run again, and her campaign will be even sadder the second time around. 

It might surprise you to hear this if you don’t work at a college or NGO, but Liz diehards actually do exist. She’ll get even less support this time because there will be no viable leftist in the field for her to spoil, but she’ll still hang in long enough to make sure the very worst possible candidate beats out the second worst possible candidate. Maybe she’ll fabricate a rape accusation against Sherrod Brown. Maybe she’ll spend her entire allotted debate time doing a land acknowledgment. With Liz, anything is possible--so long as it ends in failure. 

Amy Klobuchar 

Amy was the most bloodthirsty of the 2020 also rans. She will double down on the unpopular failures of the Biden administration, explaining that if you weren’t such a selfish idiot you’d love the higher social security retirement age and oh my god are so such a moron you think you shouldn’t go bankrupt to get a COVID vaccine? There’s a non-unsubstantial segment of the Democratic base that’s self-hating enough to find this appealing, but it won’t be enough to make her viable. 

Martha Coakley

She lost Ted Kennedy’s senate seat to a retarded man who was pretending to be even more retarded than he actually was. Then she lost a gubernatorial race to a guy who openly promised Massachusetts voters that he would punish them for electing him. Her record of failure is unparalleled, making her perhaps the ideal Democrat standard bearer for the twenty twenties. 

[buffyannesummrs]

this is objectively the worst thing i’ve ever posted on my blog askdjhakskl but can we talk about how the deancas confession was like...insanely similar to spike’s speech to buffy in s7 ‘touched.’ like.... 

“Because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have” 

“I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you. Or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.” 

“Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared.” 

“A hundred plus years. And there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you.”

"Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love ...  that is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless loving human being I will ever know ... I love you." 

“I love what you are. What you do. How you try... I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are... you're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.”

okay clowning meta time: 

just in terms of the monologues themselves, the obvious parallels with the themes of selfless love, love that is not about possession but about “just being” as cas said, understanding that person fully and loving them wholly because of it. the freedom that comes with selfless love, the peace of being. bly manor: “people do, don’t they? mix up love and possession?” like all of s6 spike is him trying to possess buffy, to “have” her love, and the toxic path that leads him down. he is only able to find peace through obtaining his soul for her and loving her selflessly. cas (who is a much better person than spike LOL) having his whole arc being about discovering freedom through love...but then never being able to achieve happiness because he thought he could never have it without having that love returned. only experiencing that happiness in accepting the freedom of just existing in that love, the freedom in expressing it. 

and the other parallel of both of them finding freedom through that love... spike obtaining his soul because of and for buffy, and being freed from his demon. cas achieving literally the only free will that exists in the universe because of and for his love for dean. 

and then the whole other aspect of knowing and being known, seeing and being seen... it’s very powerful to me that both of these confessions (again, because they’re free and selfless!) focus so much on the other person and what the confessor sees in them. and both of them explain how they love the other not in spite of their flaws, but including them. because of them too. “everything you have done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.” and “i’ve seen the best and the worst of you, and i know with perfect clarity exactly what you are ... you’re a hell of a woman.” like fuck! they see that person completely, they know that person better than anyone else, and love them wholly for it. the atonement scene “don’t you know?” “yes i know exactly.” just playing on a loop in my brain! 

which brings me to where these confessions take place in the narrative...

both of these confessions take place in the penultimate episode before not just the season finale, but the series finale as well. it’s a narrative-structure-tale-as-old-as-time: the darkness before the victory. the hero has fallen to their lowest point, hope is lost, there is no way to defeat what they’re up against. then: they receive the hope and strength they need to fight again. 

for buffy, all of season 7 she struggles with what it means to be a leader, from the separateness of being the slayer. she becomes increasingly isolated from her friends and family, eventually completely losing their trust and falling to her lowest point. spike’s speech is her catalyst, it allows her to regain her faith in herself and gives her the strength she needed to launch her into the victory of the season. as buffy says to him the next day: “This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night.” narratively, spike’s speech is the catalyst of inner strength that raises the hero from the despair before victory. 

and, although we have not yet seen the end of supernatural, i am going to say with confidence that cas’ speech will function exactly the same way. all season, there has been a huge emphasis on how dean has struggled with his anger. all series long, dean has struggled with his self-worth, his inability to express his own wants, his self-sacrificing, his anger. i will say now that this speech is going to be the catalyst that frees him from this cycle: hearing this person who knows him, completely, who loves him, fully, refute his own self-conception, and tell him no, you are driven by love not anger - this is going to free dean and narratively be the catalyst that brings him from his lowest point and launches him into victory. and of course narratively, losing cas is what brings dean to his lowest point so narratively he will have to be brought back for the final victory. 

so there you have it folks! ultimate clowning hours here at buffyannesummrs dot tumblr dot com :-) 

[medea10]

Medea’s Worst Year of All-Time Anime/Game Superlative

Nobody saw this year coming…except for maybe Barbara Walters! Who could have predicted that this year would bless us with Australia burning, the entire west coast of the U.S. set on fire, stupid people setting fires because they wanted to reveal a baby’s gender, murder hornets, Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying, an almost war with Iran, serial killer mascots arrested, policemen killing unarmed black folks for having a counterfit $20, policemen killing unarmed black folks for breaking up a fight, policemen killing black folks for holding sandwiches, policemen killing unarmed black folks for fucking sleeping, a wide variety of “Karens” coming out of the woodworks, the end of Bojack, the end of Steven Universe, the end of Empire, and a pandemic so huge it’s killed the economy, canceled fun, and given the U.S. president the dumb-fuck idea of injecting bleach to kill the virus!?

SERIOUSLY, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED ALL OF THIS WAS GOING TO FALL IN OUR LAPS LIKE HOT COFFEE ON THE CROTCH?!

At least there was anime this year.

…

At least there was SOME anime this year.

…

Biden won the election and Vickeblanca came out with Black Catcher this year.

Hey internet, it’s Medea here to give you her trashy opinion on this years anime and games that she’s watched or played. Because for some reason, my loser-ass loves to do out-dated as fuck memes! I shouldn’t complain, this shit brings a lot of attention to my page every year when I do this. Yes, 2020 was a complete dumpster fire so large that Domestic Girlfriend is crying foul. Many of us had to go on lockdown and ended up binge-watching the entire 957+ episodes of One Piece. I did no such thing. I am one of those “essential workers” so I didn’t hunker down for 9 months straight. But when I was home, I was watching anime. Actually, I would have done that even without the pandemic. I’m an introvert and find the human race to be deplorable.

You all know how this goes. I go over the best this year had to offer me. I had to search really hard to find the good in this year, especially in the anime world. Many things had to be put on hiatus or were delayed to a later date. Just a reminder, I don’t discriminate in what year the anime or game came out. If something came out in the happier times of 2007, that anime or game counts! Let’s get at it!

First Fandom of 2020: Interspecies Reviewers

Did anyone expect a fan-favorite of 2020 was going to be a hentai? Did anyone have on their batshit 2020 bingo card that a hentai was going to grab everybody’s attention? At the beginning of the year, my mind was set on the Railgun sequel and Eizoken. It wasn’t until licensors, streaming sites, and TV stations in Japan dropped this series that I started to pay attention. And got immediately hooked! It’s about three men going to different brothels and reviewing their time with the ladies. And these ladies are of different species! So with every bang comes possible enlightenment, new kinks, or a night of having your dick sucked off more than humanly possible. This anime blew away all of my skepticism and first impressions right out the window. Maybe it’s because I’m a degenerate and am often curious about sexual content, but this was a guilty pleasure of mine this year.

Favorite Main Character of 2020: Moroha from Yashahime

I know the majority of this story is going to revolve around Towa and Setsuna, but can we please focus a little more energy on the spunky, quarter-demon girl?! I know they’re pitting Moroha as the comic relief, but I’m hopeful that she’s going to surprise us one day. We fans of InuYasha would spend the past decade and some change wondering what InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter would be like. This year, we got our answer with Moroha. She’s got this wild side to her, probably due to the fact that she’s spent her entire life on her own. And while she’s silly at times, she can get down to business in a pinch. She has her father’s sense of smell. She has a sword. She’s able to shoot sacred arrows much like her mother. And to top it all off, she has this special rouge that if she puts it on, she’s able to unleash that ¼ demon power inside her and become Beniyasha! Yeah, I know the power only lasts a minute, she’s only 14, give her a break! I will gladly go through another week scratching my head at the confusion this story gives me if I get to see one more second of Moroha and her crazy antics or her bad-ass slaying.

Favorite Villain of 2020: The Devil Believers from Black Clover

This was one hell of a year for Black Clover. It would have been an easy choice to pick the devil and possible super devil that appeared during the elf fight. But I’d like to give a nod to the filler arc villains. And you can’t blame this group for wanting the power of the devil. They’re literally the bottom-rung of the Clover Kingdom and ones with little to no power or mana. So I can agree with why they would want the power of the devil. For one thing, they’d have more power. And for another thing, they’d be able to exact revenge on those who have wronged them. On some occasions I agree with exacting revenge and when it comes to the nobles and some characters in Black Clover, some folks do deserve death. I mean, have you met the king of the Clover Kingdom? Plus, this town and many other poorer towns get looked over by the kingdom. Peasant uprise! Anyways, I thought these people were really crafty in their crimes. I mean, they were able to knock Asta out on his ass with specially made poisons. I was actually hooked to this story of Black Clover (despite it being a filler arc). I know we’ll never see them again as they have been exiled, but it did have me semi-rooting for them.

Favorite Video Game Character of 2020: Honey from Pokemon – Sword & Shield (Expansion Pass)

Sorry Raymond from Animal Crossing!

Honey is the saucy wife of Mustard…I did not expect that to come out the way it did, but here we are! She has one hell of a team you can fight once a day. She looks out for her husband, the dojo, and the students of the dojo like they were her own children by providing food, drinks, and others. However that does come at a price as you do have to give up a sizable chunk of your watts that you collect in raid dens. I’m sure a bunch of MILF chasers were more than happy enough to give her all their hard-earned watts just so they can have their one-on-one moment on the beach with Honey.

What won me over was when that one guy from a rival dojo bad-mouthed her husband’s dojo and she…I think she kicked this guy’s ass herself. I don’t think she used any of her pokemon. Game Freak won’t show it, but we all know she kicked this guy’s ass to a point where he’s begging for mercy.

Honey, for the win!

Favorite Game of 2020: Animal Crossing New Horizons

This game was just Zen for me. I know the release of this game came with some controversy like Gamestop saying it’s an essential business and will remain open for people to get their copies of the game. Hell, I was one of those assholes in line waiting to get a copy on March 20th. Did I predict that a pandemic was going to rage out of control when I got a prepay copy of this for Christmas 2019? NO! I only predict political things, not deadly pandemics! The good news, we social distanced, didn’t catch the covid and got the game.

Anyways, this game has been a non-stop calming and fun ride. I can even forgive their botch-up of Bunny Day. They even have events for holidays I never thought they would ever touch. I mean, does anybody know when Museum Day is? Probably not until Animal Crossing had an event for it! I’ve been able to let my freak-flag fly with designing my island. And this goes way beyond New Leaf for the 3DS. I can make a sign post with the words “Fuck Trump” on it and post it in my yard. I can dig up trees and plant them elsewhere. I can poop in a toilet. I can craft furniture and put my own design on it. My furniture can have Tracey Sketchit’s beautiful mug on it. I can sit on Tracey Sketchit’s face. I am a sick fuck and I don’t care. I can give Raymond and Bob maid outfits. Magical time in my game! My hopes for next year…I don’t know, get the Festivale furniture, get Papi and Olivia to join my island, maybe visit Danny Trejo’s island, who knows, sky’s da limit!

Favorite Het Couple of 2020: Nasa and Tsukasa Yuzaki from Tonikawa

This is one of the most unorthodox marriages I’ve ever seen. But in this 90 Day Fiance world we’re living in, I shouldn’t pass judgement on these two getting married in episode one and not knowing much about each other. Nasa meets Tsukasa as he was about to be plowed by a truck. Tsukasa saves his life. Nasa says she’s beautiful. Tsukasa says she’ll be his girlfriend if they get married. He agrees. She disappears. Four years later, Tsukasa appears in front of Nasa’s front door with a marriage registration form. Congratulations buddy, you’ve got yourself a waifu! In some way, this felt like watching Yamato and Takeo from My Love Story. I was fascinated with them progressing through their relationship. The only difference is that Yamato and Takeo took the old-fashioned route. This couple did everything ass-backwards in terms of having a relationship. But I couldn’t take my eyes off Nasa and Tsukasa’s relationship during each episode. I find them cute.

Favorite Yuri Couple of 2020: Karin Asaka x Emma Verde from Love Live Nijigasaki High School Idol Club

AAAAAAAAAH! I’M IN IDOL HELL AGAIN! Yeah, no kidding! I came this close to putting Miu x Nicole from that abomination 22/7. But thank God for Love Live! There’s no telling if any of the girls from the Love Live franchise are confirmed to be lesbians. But fuck it, all of them attend all-girl schools, no males exist anywhere, and Sunshine gave us Kanan x Mari! Yeah, you know Kanan and Mari is canon as fuck, don’t at me. So naturally, I found more third-years to ship in the new Love Live series. Now I know I should have put up Ai x Rina or Ayumu x Yuu. Especially the latter due to recent events! But Emma x Karin is my OTP.

Now Emma is an exchange student from Switzerland and in coming to Nijigasaki, she first meets Karin and they became instant friends. When Emma said she wants to become an idol, Karin helped her quite a bit. Even though Karin had no interest in being an idol as her modeling career is starting up, Karin would occasionally help Emma out. And surprise, surprise, Karin ends up fascinated with the idol world and Emma helps her come to the light to be herself there. Okay, I’m totally reading this in some fragmented way, but I’m currently playing Love Live School Idol Festival All Stars and the app game has a lot more stuff involving stuff the anime has yet to talk about. Confirmed or not, Karin x Emma for the win!

Favorite Yaoi Couple of 2020: Eiji Okumura x Ash Lynx from Banana Fish

It took me a while to get here, but I finally made it to 2018’s overlooked gem. Forgive me for not being fully caught up, but from what I’m watching at the moment, I’m sticking to my guns and supporting the hell out of this. I mean, I could have mentioned The Titan’s Bride here…but fuck no, I ain’t goin’ down that mess! Ash has gone through a lot, I mean a helluva lot in his past. His cute boy looks have made him a target on the streets of New York, with mafia dons, and with prison inmates. But dude can kill if you mess with him. Then you have Eiji, who is just a literal example of a “pure cinnamon roll (until episode 8)”. These two are as opposite as you can possibly get. Ash is from New York and Eiji is from Japan. Ash likes hot dogs with everything on it. Eiji likes grilled fish and natto. Ash spent the majority of his life killing on the streets. Eiji was a track superstar. You get my meaning. But when we got these two together it’s quite adorable. Ash is really able to change when he’s around Eiji. Ash isn’t some heartless killer on the street about to kill a thug with prosthetic fingers. When he’s with Eiji, he’s a joker that can easily get scared of pumpkins. And even in later episodes, you got these two acting like a husband and wife.

Fandom That You Didn’t Expect to Get Into: Les Miserables – A Girl Named Cosette

Let me explain a little something. Les Mis! I have never seen the play, watched the movie, or read the novel prior to picking up this anime. Not a single one of those! And that’s a bit of a head-scratcher when you realize I was a bit of a musical theater nut in my teenage years. But one thing I do like is when Japan does an anime based on plays or historical events (like Romeo x Juliet or Rose of Versailles). The second I popped in Les Miserables the anime, I wanted to binge watch the whole 52 episode series. It is by no means a perfect adaptation of the Victor Hugo novel. Several key players end up surviving all the way up to the end of the story! But because this was my very first viewing of anything Les Mis, I took to the story of Cosette and was eager to see what was going to happen next in her tale. Unlike the movies and play, Cosette was the main focus of the story besides Jean Valjean and Javert. And thanks to watching the unfortunate stories of Cosette, Jean Valjean, the Thenadiers, Javert, Marius, and the rest, I thought it was time to watch the OTHER adaptations to Les Mis.

…

Russell Crowe sucks.

Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni

Higurashi or When They Cry is one of my favorite fandoms of all time! So naturally when we heard that it was making a comeback, I was excited. It was also very odd that Higurashi was given this sequel or reboot. Ahem! There’s another franchise that needs a face-lift. Umineko still deserves a better treatment. Plus, now that this series was out of the faulty hands of Studio Deen, Higurashi will get the special care it deserves. Believe it or not, it wasn’t just the anime that made a comeback for me, but the manga as well. Since 2009, I’ve read several volumes (out of order) and would every now and then come back to read the story. Back to the anime, this reboot or sequel…you know what, I’m gonna call it a “rebooqual”! This rebooqual sucked me back to the town of Hinamizawa and all the murders. Every week, I find myself comparing the current episode to one from the 2006 version. But then the fourth episode of each arc seems to catch me off guard.

Where are they going with this story and these twist endings to our favorite arcs? I did not expect Rena to turn a simple attempted murder into the end of School Days! I didn’t expect Rika to die in the most disgusting fashion they could think of. Could someone kill Teppei fucking Hojo? I will pay ¥5000 for someone to do that job. So yeah, because I know how much of this plays out and who does what, I’m usually watching and reading while making wise-ass remarks. But I still have fun with it.

Fandom That Inspired the Most Crack: Konosuba

In a year where I caught up with the popular Isekais like Shield Hero and Re:Zero, I found the wacky misadventures of Kazuma Satou to be amusing as all get-out. From the first 5 minutes, I found myself laughing at Kazuma’s misfortune. Seriously, how the fuck do you mistake a tractor for a car, have a heart attack, piss yourself, and fucking die in the first couple minutes to the series? You can only get away with this shit in gag animes! But it’s not just Kazuma’s dumbass, there’s a mage who only does explosions, but loses all her energy after one blow-up. Then there’s a busty, blonde who gets turned on by getting hurt and can’t strike anything with her sword. Anime’s biggest masochist or Cheryl Tunt incarnate, I haven’t decided which one to believe! Then you have this loud, crazy goddess chick named Aqua. She’s also useless about 86% of the time! Watching their unfortunate missions is all the crack that I need to get through this year. Seriously, Darkness is just all kinds of fucked up, but we love her.

Last Fandom of 2020: Yashahime

That’s right, the InuYasha sequel gets top spot here! Even though week after week I find myself asking more questions than when the episode started, I’m still hooked. If you’re like me, you watched and fell in love with the series InuYasha. So if they’re doing a sequel, you’re expecting to see all of your favorite characters from the prequel like InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshomaru, Koga, Rin, and the rest. Actually, no! Quite the opposite! We’ve got Sesshomaru’s daughters, but no Sesshomaru. Rin is sleeping in a tree we think! We’ve got InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter, but they’re M.I.A. None of the girls even know a thing about their birth parents.

Now are these new characters a catch like the ones from the previous series? Some are! The three main girls, yes! Especially Moroha! I’ve already praised her name earlier in the superlative. Towa and Setsuna do take on some personality traits from their parents. Setsuna is definitely serious like Sesshomaru and Towa sometimes has a carefree yet loyal aura to her like Rin. I know I’m always skeptical when a series gives us a sequel featuring the offspring of the main characters. Especially when you’ve got some lame examples like Boruto and Eureka Seven AO (I might retract my diss on Boruto later)! As each week gives us a new episode, we’re unraveling new clues into a lot of things involving our old favorite characters, as well as the new ones. So I have high hopes for Yashahime for the time being!

[pseudospectre]

Had a conversation recently with some friends about how stories with a heaven/hell dynamic love the idea of fallen angels, but I’ve never seen anything that goes the opposite direction. So I wrote one.  It’s been a long long time since I’ve written anything so please forgive the quality, it was just a quick bit of fun. :)

Rise

I fell for a reason. I burned for a reason. I remember so little of my previous life, so many years, even centuries ago, but I remember that much.  I have no tragic story of innocence betrayed or manipulated, no heart-wrenching tale of self-sacrifice or loss. I was just, as they say, a bastard. That’s all I can tell you, all that survived the fire, so to speak.

They’ll tell you, gleefully, about the hopelessness, when your soul arrives after judgment and they offer you a position. This is all there is left, they say. You are lost, you are evil, this is all you deserve for eternity. Most damned souls don’t truly understand, in my experience. Everyone believes, to some degree, that they were at least all right, in the end. And they fight the idea of damnation and punishment, think somehow that resisting the new temptation and heading to their torment is somehow going to prove that, or help. As if they can weasel out, eventually, if they aren’t contracted. It always seemed remarkably shortsighted; of course you can’t. I already enjoyed the cruelty, I knew what it meant, so the opportunity to spare myself the pain in return for causing it? Well, what is a demon if not selfish? I was fine with the requirements, already there and unsaveable, it’s not like it can be worse? You can either suffer or be a part of the system, and I made a damn good demon. A little hell humor. And that’s supposed to be all there was, the end, fin.

Turns out, they don’t quite give you all of the information

What you need to understand is that there’s a lot of misinformation out there about how all this is set up. Most beliefs have some concept of punishment or reward, but strictly speaking, we’re not really associated with any one in particular. Funnily enough, it has more to do with your social beliefs than whether or not there’s a god. Nobody gives a fuck who’s name you take in vain, for example; it’s all about balance. And there are absolutely folks that fill the roles of what you’d call god or the devil, make no mistake. The cultures that talk about weighing souls have that part the closest, although it’s a hell of a lot more complicated than that, ha. Not that I cared at the time, but actions, with very few exceptions, cannot be good or bad in and of themselves. Something you do nice for someone could in fact have a negative result for someone else down the line, unintentionally or unknowingly. All of that has to be carefully picked apart and scrutinized to truly reach a conclusion, and I’ve even seen a net “loss” overall be rewarded and net gains get descended, based on factors even I don’t understand. Wasn’t my job; I didn’t judge, I just turned the screws on the ones they sent me. But as with any large-scale operation, it’s not infallible. I know it seems like it ought to be, but here we are. Hell, here I am. The thing is, it’s a lot easier to correct an accidental reward than an accidental punishment, because everyone down there wails their innocence. No one believes them, of course, they all think that. There’s no point in following up, usually. Mostly, souls I worked on were one of two things: screamers (self explanatory) or talkers. Talkers are the ones who still think they can wheedle their way out, or want to share their life story again, hoping they can find a loophole or something to get them out. Some of those souls had been there longer than I had, sometimes; pitiful. Didn’t matter to me, I was having a gre- well, it was a time. And then I was passed a recent acquisition for punishment; not that uncommon, although by then I usually mostly had the old-timers who needed the skills of someone who really knew their stuff. But this soul? 

Completely silent.

Really. Didn’t make a sound. Threw me for a huge loop, centuries as a literal nightmare and suddenly, no begging, no crying, nothing. Not even if I taunted, not even when I got started. And in that moment, it became the worst day of my afterlife-me, a piece of shit human voluntarily gone horrifying demon. Because I felt something. First mistake. If I’d stopped there things might have gone on without changing, but I was never what you might have called smart. Average is probably being generous. But I was so bowled over by that little spark of whatever it was-I couldn’t even recognize that it was an emotion, isn’t that sad?- that I made my next mistake: I asked why. Turned out I’d been handed my first actual misjudgment, this poor thing never protested a single action since they got here, never once defended themselves. They’d convinced themselves in life so completely that this is what they would deserve, that they just didn’t have any desire to try to fight it. I asked what they’d been judged for, and they just looked at me, and said they were ready. But when I pushed (at that point I was panicking over whatever was happening in my brain and figured I could count more questions as emotional manipulation or baiting or something) they didn’t list a single thing I had ever heard of stacking up to damnation. Someone at the gates really fucked up, in other words. Someone came in shortly after that and whisked them off, everyone had a good laugh over it for weeks after, jeering and asking me how much I got to put them through before they got picked back up. It should have been easy to join in- before this I would have been in the center of the mockery, but something was wrong, that flare was still inside me and I was having trouble handling it. You ever have a secret and you’re just sure everyone knows what it is just by looking at you? It was like that. And eventually I figured out that’s all it was, just a little bitty emotion, but that almost made it worse because it wasn’t supposed to be there; from what I even knew how all this demon shit worked in the first place, I was pretty sure it wasn’t even possible! But all I had to do to go back to my routine was ignore it, suppress it, reject it. Easy peasy, I’m a goddamn senior demon.

Except, to my shame, I couldn’t let it go. Does that even make sense, a demon feeling shame? Pretty sure that’s what it was at that point. But it was like having a little secret treasure that no one else could see. I would hide it, and then in little moments alone or whatever, bring it out and feel. I didn’t have the context anymore at the time, but now I can compare it to having lived in the dark and suddenly feeling a moment of sun. I had felt sorry for the soul, for just a moment! And the thing about emotions, they can grow the more you think about them. And I started thinking about it a lot. And then I started feeling happy (the horror!) that the mistake was caught and they got to leave. In case it’s unclear, feeling stuff like that for non hell-related reasons makes it pretty hard to do demony things. And if you remember, I’d never felt a whole lot of that kind of thing even before I got here. I literally tortured the souls of the damned, how do you do that when you start feeling sorry for them? But that little crack of light inside me, the shard of humanity, started bring back memories, or at least concepts, from when that’s all I was, and I suddenly started recognizing them as lost. And it hurt? And for the first time, I was mourning. After all, damned is forever. A demon is forever. So I was some weird fluke who caught some feels somehow, it couldn’t change that. But, you know, when your work starts to suffer, people start to notice. They started to talk. And they were right, my game was slipping hard. I felt bad! After a while I couldn’t just not say anything to the ones who just barely tipped the scales! As secretly as I could, I was giving them comfort. And I had to defend myself from my superiors over stuff I couldn’t stomach anymore but had to keep up with, or risk getting kicked back down. The wildest part was, my first thought about losing status wasn’t to save my own skin, of course not….now I was thinking about what the folks I got to talk to would do without those brief moments of respite I’d been passing out.

Point is, I was a demon who didn’t want to be a demon anymore, after centuries of not giving a fuck, and knowing full well that I was solidly fucked and that this was only going to get worse. I was miserable, but I still couldn’t put away the way the tiniest good feelings and I hoarded my experiences like someone who’s drowning clings to a raft. Except this raft was ruining my afterlife, and I didn’t really care for some reason. But I wanted to do my best, and not in the way I was used to. I had no idea what was going to happen but it probably was never going to get better.

But then, the crossroads.

Not the regular demony kind of crossroads. Oh no, I got stuck with the moral kind, although I didn’t realize what it was going to mean at the time. It had gotten bad enough for me that I was back to working under supervision, just like old times, the bad ones from when demons are just getting started. It was hard to do much that way but I’d figured out that even just smiling helps some people apparently? Or at least, once I first figured out how to smile so that they knew it wasn’t a threat. You ever seen a demon? I was not precisely what most people would prefer to look at with any expression. But it was already a hell of a day (more jokes!) and I was apparently near a limit I wasn’t aware of, and we got assigned a new soul. A new soul who didn’t say a word, just like where all of this began. And my supervison grinned at me, and snarled, and raised an arm, and I didn’t even have time to register that I had stepped between them to take the blow. Cheesy, I know. But there was a sound like one of those big industrial light switches snapping off, and it felt like time stopped or something. Maybe it did, I’m still not sure. But the literal, actual judges showed up. I was relieved someone got there so fast before anything else happened, I hadn’t even thought about what was going to happen to me yet. Proof positive I was completely broken by then, hadn’t even thought about my own skin yet. A couple of the judges took the soul away, and I waited for my bosses to show, but the judge still standing there was just watching me. After a moment, they said “Are you coming, or not?”

What.

I don’t think I was processing yet, but I think that’s probably all I actually said. So they gave me a look like you give to the dumbest guy in the room (I’m familiar with it) and said “Are. You coming? You have work to do. Unless you really think you’d prefer to stay?”

“Coming to what? You already picked up the error, it’s not me. Why would they let me leave, anyway? Not that I’m in a hurry to get my asskicking for this.”

There’s that look again. “Then don’t stay for it, they have no claim at the moment. Your balance tipped. Your call, stay, or take your out and rise.”

First time I’d ever heard that word. “……Rise?”

“Yes, rise. I suppose they wouldn’t want it to be common knowledge around here; then again, it means the few cases we get tend to be pretty solidly legitimate. Angels can fall, after all….why couldn’t a demon rise?”

“Sorry, got brimstone in my ears or something, are you telling me, of all creatures, that I’m heading upwards?” I definitely laughed. Demon laughter is very unpleasant. Recognizing this when you’re the one laughing is not fun.

“Something like that. As I said, your call. If you still prefer all of this for eternity, by all means, stick around.”

And that’s how I found out risen demons are a thing.

It’s not easy, no longer being of hell but not being of heaven, but it’s probably easier than you might expect. People think about heaven and hell in terms of punishment and reward, and while this is mostly true, like I said before, it’s really more about balance. The slate’s not wiped clean, but it’s not like I have some impossible restrictive rules that set me up to fail, it’s not like one tiny slip will shoot me back to the inferno, but I have bosses who check in now and then, keep tabs. And they’re here to help me, I’m not just stranded to make my own way. I’m not human, but I’m probably closer to that than I am to angel or demon anymore. And I gotta say, I look a whole lot better. I still put most people off at first, at least a little, but I’m way less spiky and you know. Fewer teeth, fewer arms, that kind of thing. But I guess you could say I’m doing pretty well now, dragging my way back to something I’m not sure I ever was, to be honest. I’m grateful for the chance.

And I’m looking forward to seeing who I can drag along with me, and that part feels pretty good.

[just-jordie-things]

11 please! Or 34.

Kiss Prompt #34: Returned From The Dead Kiss

This was... really bad.  Probably the worst day of your life.  

Which was saying something, seeing as you were a teenager in the most boring town on earth, who was constantly bullied by a group of older boys and even had a clown that was also a demon terrorize you all summer.

Said clown was the root of all your problems- and currently the biggest one being that Richie wasn’t fucking waking up.

After you and the Losers had defeated It (or so you thought anyways) you’d preemptively cheered in victory, one to realize your resident trashmouth wasn’t cheering and group hugging with you all.  He’d been lying on the dirty ground, unconscious.

And now that you thought about it, you hadn’t even recalled him getting knocked down.  But you’d been fighting with everything you had, so focused on landing every blow to the clown, that you hadn’t paid much attention to the others at all.  

And oh you were so scared that you were going to pay dearly for that mistake.

You had probably yelled at him and shook his body in desperate attempts to wake him up for ten minutes before the Losers decided he needed to go to the hospital now and fast.

You were inconsolable, and it took Ben prying you off of the unconscious man and holding you firmly in his arms to get you to stay off of Richie’s body. You’d pleaded with the others that you should be the one to carry him, but Mike and Bill were already doing so, not even entertaining the idea of your tiny ass lugging Richie out of the sewers.  There was just no way you could do it.

It felt like days that you sat in the waiting room, doing just that, waiting.  It had only been a few hours since Richie had been admitted, but having not heard a peep from the doctor or the nurses was starting to scare you.

You were shaking in your seat, hunched over with your elbows on your knees, and your hands wrapped tightly together as you stared off at nothing.  Just waiting.

Beverly had stayed by your side the whole time, while the others took turns making trips to the hotel for showers, or to bring lunch back for everyone.

Meanwhile you hadn’t showered, you hadn’t eaten, and dear lord you needed them both.  You looked like shit, probably because you just fought a demon clown in a sewer, and you hadn’t eaten since the day before.

But you weren't hungry.  And you weren’t about to go shower just for Richie to wake up and you weren’t there.

Nope.  You needed to be here.  And that’s what you kept telling your friends as they tried to convince you otherwise.  They did everything they could, bargained, begged, Ben even tried bribing you, but you ignored it all.

“I have to be here when he wakes up” 

Beverly understood, that’s why she stayed right next to you, looking like she’d been through hell and back, just like you.  She’d hold your hand, or rub your back, she’d even untangled your messy hair with her fingers.  Anything to comfort you, and help pass the time.

Beverly had known that you’d been in love with Richie since the dawn of time.  Since you were kids, all through your teen years, and even now, after having been separated for ages, you were still in love with him, and to her it was clear as day.  Therefore she knew that you were slowly dying, with every hour that passed.

She figured the others were starting to realize it too, because they’d stopped whining and pleading for you to take a break, and one by one sat with you and comforted you to the best of their ability.

It didn’t exactly help, but it was kind and you still appreciated it.

After six hours of sitting uncomfortably, with your head on Bev’s shoulder, and a jacket that Ben had brought for you draped around you like a blanket, a nurse finally approached.

“Are you the folks here for Richard Toz-”

“Yes! Yes, that’s us” You'd answered before she could even finish, sitting up straight and staring at her expectantly.

“He’s finally stabilized, and looks to be in good condition.  It’ll be quite a process to heal but...”

She continued to explain that his vitals were at normal levels, and went more in depth to what that all meant medically, but you couldn’t hear anything past good condition.  

The waterworks started up again, and you shamelessly cried tears of relief that he was at least okay.

“When can we see him?” Beverly asked for you, and she rubbed your back again.

“You’re free to go in now if you’d like, he’s not awake yet, but he should be waking up soon when the anesthetics wear off,” The nurse said.  “But... I should warn against all of you going in...” She glanced among the six people in the waiting room who were all huddled together.  “He’s going to be very out of it when he wakes up, and any loud noises or... a group of people... might be too stressful to take in all at once”

“That’s okay, thank you” Beverly said, and patted your back as she nodded to you.

“Me?” You asked, sniffling and wiping your eyes.

“Yes, you,” She spoke with a gentle teasing tone.  “Of course you” 

You looked to the others, making sure they were okay with you going in.

“Yeah, (y/n),” Ben nodded, giving you the okay.  “He doesn’t want to wake up to see any of us anyways” He added, making you smile for just a moment.

You nodded your head, and stood up, following the nurse down the hall to Richie’s room.

“This is it,” She stopped at a door shortly, and you took in a deep breath.  The woman's expression softened as she gave you a smile and nodded her head.  “Don’t worry, he should wake up very shortly” 

“Thank you” You breathed out, and finally opened the door.

Your breath caught in your throat as your eyes landed on him.  He looked horrible, tied up to all these machines, passed out on a surely uncomfortable cot.

But the heart monitor was still beeping.

And the rise and fall of his chest was short but at least it was movement.

You rushed as quietly as you could to grab a chair from the wall, and drag it up to the side of his bed, so you could be right there when he awoke.

“I’m so sorry,” You whispered softly, your fingers mindlessly playing with the thin blanket that laid over him.  “I should have done something, I’m so sorry, Richie,” 

He didn’t say anything, he was still asleep, but that was alright.  You just needed to get it off of your chest.

“I didn’t know that I had to protect you... all these years I thought you proved you could handle your own but... I guess it’s been a while since we’ve fought a demon clown together, huh?”

A small, humorless chuckle left your lips, and you shook your head as you looked away from him.

Your eyes landed on his glasses, which had a small crack of them, laying on a small table.  You took them and placed them carefully over his face.  You wanted him to actually see you when he woke up.

“I hope it doesn’t hurt,” You continued to talk to him.  “When you wake up.  I hope the medicine lasts a little longer...”

Tentatively, you reach for his hand, pulling it towards you and wrapping both of your hands around it.

You blinked away tears, because you didn’t want the first thing he saw to be you crying.  But it was hard to hold them back.

“The others told me I should be the first one to see you,” You told him quietly, and pressed your lips against his knuckles.  “I hope that’s okay... truth is I... I needed to tell you that... that um...” 

“That you’re deeply in love with me?” 

Your eyes shot up, surprised to meet his, and a stupid smirk he had on his face even though he’d literally just woken up.

“Richie-” 

“Hey, sweetness” He greeted, his voice rough and raspy, not that you minded one bit, you were just glad to hear it.  Despite his scratchy throat it still had that Richie charm.

“You were dead” You whimpered, and he gave your hand a faint squeeze.

“Well I’m alive now aren’t I?” He asked with a weak chuckle.

You sniffled as tears streamed down your cheeks, a watery smile on your lips.

“But I really thought that you’d died,” You cried. “I thought that you- that- that I just let you-”

“It’s alright, it doesn’t matter,” He spoke up before you could get too carried away.  “Because I’m not dead, see?” He squeezed your hand again, this time with a little bit more strength.  “Worry not sweetness, I’m around for the long haul”

Your smile widened, even though you were crying, but they were tears of happiness.  Holding his hand tighter between yours, you held it against your cheek as you leaned onto his bed more.

He gave you a gentle smile.

“I’m glad you’re the first thing I woke up to,” He mumbled, even getting you to laugh softly as you shook your head.  “Come here,” 

Shyly, you leaned closer to him, but only a few inches, which wasn’t enough.

“A little closer sweetness” Richie chuckled, and you hesitantly inched closer, until your nose prodded against his, and your eyes slipped shut.

His hand loosened out of your hold, cupping your cheek and guiding you to meet his lips.  It was a gentle kiss, you were just so nervous that you’d do something to hurt him, but it was perfect.  It was enough to make your feelings known.

When you pulled away you took his hand from your face and laced your fingers together sweetly.

“I’m deeply in love with you too, you know” He told you, and you did your best to bite back a smile.

“I never said that” You mumbled playfully.

“Ah, but you were thinking it” He shot right back, leaning his head against his (horribly stuffed) pillow.

Your thumb brushed overtop of his in a calming motion, and you noticed his knuckles were just as swollen and bruised as yours.

“Have been for a while now” You whispered out, making him smile as he shut his eyes to rest.

“Me too, sweetness”

[kingjasnah]

actually. actually let’s talk about diversity in fantasy let’s give that a go. im mad and im gonna be that way for a while

don’t want to read all this? fair. tldr: fantasy writers who rely not only on the medieval europe model but also hide behind historical accuracy in 2020 (fuck it, from ‘95 onwards) are lazy and unimaginative and should be held accountable no matter how many white 20 year old dudes jerk off to whatever power fantasy is embedded in the plot. so lets chat about that lads. (slightly) drunk rant under the cut

now prelim shit: we know fantasy is used both as escapism and as a way to deal with various traumas via magical metaphor. staples of the genre. even if jk rowling busted out the laziest and at times offensive metaphor for ww2 and racism ive ever seen, she still adhered to time and true tropes. whatever.

so why have we, in this post game of thrones era, become insanely obsessed with realism? i can hear sixty 20-something year old men crying at me rn like oh ohh oh its based off the war of roses oh wahh all medieval fantasy fiction is based off england and the crusades anyway so women should get raped and people of color should be demonized its not racism its xenophobia and also gay people dont exist and disabled people are systematically killed off and if we stretch the magic fixes mental illness thing a LITTLE further we have straight up eugenics.

we all know where the england but myth thing came from. now the thing about tolkien is that while i will always absolutely love lotr, looking at the LAZY state of fantasy? damn i kinda wish he hadn’t revolutionized the genre. the bitch was still racist. he still didnt give a shit abt women (eowyn was just a vehicle to show how much he fucking hated macbeth anyone holding jrrt up as a feminist icon for that needs to sit the fuck down and explain to me why i can count the woman speaking roles in lotr, a story with a name and fleshed out backstory for every minor character, on one hand but thats! another post). he had something to say abt class with sam i’ll give him that but he is still 100% NOT what we need to hold our standards to in 2020. 

i dont want to talk about old school fantasy, like 80s early 90s cause theres literally no point. its sexist, racist, ableist for sure, this we know. david eddings (not even that old school tbh) can rise from the grave and explain himself to me personally and i still wont forgive him for ehlana. 

so let’s talk historical accuracy. quick question. who the FUCK gives a shit? WHO is this elusive got fan who’s out here like blehh actually??? this method of iron production is TOTALLY anachronistic of the time. ummm these vegetables in this fictional world were NOT native to english soil so how are they here? cause i know this is the classic argument but ive never actually met someone who cared about the lack of dysentery as much as they care abt the women getting raped on screen/page. 

god forbid you have to worldbuild for a second god forbid you can’t rely on the idea of fantasy readers already have in their head god forbid you have an original idea god forbid you spend more than two seconds thinking about ur setting (oh i should mention i dont....really blame GoT for its setting cause of how long ago it was og written but trust me i sure as hell blame grrm for writing a 13 yr old giving ‘consent’ to sex with a grown man within the first couple of chapters) 

If we accept the basic premise of fantasy as escapism, and i AM drunk so i will NOT be finding fuckin. quotes and shit for this but come on tolkien said it himself and as much as i’ll drag him he crafted the simplest and most powerful fantasy metaphors on the board rn. But if we know its escapism. If we know. then who is it escapism for? certainly not for me, the gay brown woman who busted through all of GoT in 10th grade. 

modern fantasy lit used as an excuse for that white male power fantasy is literally disgusting. calling historical accuracy is so fucking dumb ESPECIALLY cause we, as ppl in the 21st  century, KNOW women have been consistently written out of the story. poc ppl, gay and trans ppl, anyone with a god forbid disability has been WRITTEN out of history as we know it, INCLUDING the fucking war of the roses so HOW can we hold up testimony we know is flawed to support our FICTIONAL. STORY. just to??? support the white power fantasy?? literally noah fence but if you are a white guy who felt really empowered by every time jim butcher described a woman tell me: how do you think that’ll hold up in classic HisToRiCaL fantasy. you think thats a fucking noble pursuit? or are you grima wormtongue out here. 

(side note: jim butcher stop writing challenge i dont need to know abt every woman on page’s nipples. anyone who hides behind subgenre like that? ‘ohhh its a noir story thats why hes sexualizing everyone’ shut the fuck up an author isnt possessed by a fuckin muse and compelled to bust out 500k they have agency and they have choice and they MADE the choice to reserve said will for none of their female characters)

which brings me to point 2: target audience and BOY is the alcohol hitting me rn but WHO is this for? this isnt the fucking 80s we know poc and other marginalized folk read fantasy FOR the escapism. on god ive had a cosmere focused blog for nearly three years and. im just gonna say it im interacted with A LOT of yall and ive managed to talk to VERY few white straight ppl as compared to everyone else. 

like....who deserves to see the metaphor on homophobia or racism. joanne rowling? the bitch who literally tried to sell us happy slaves and the disgusting aids metaphor and the worst case of antisemitic stereotypes i ever saw in an nyt bestseller? yall think that was for US? or was it for the white guilt crowd. 

literally white people can find any book about them that they can relate to. but hmmm maybe theres a reason gay women care so much about stormlight archive’s jasnah kholin, a brown woman who’s heavily coded as wlw. or kaladin, the FIRST fantasy protag ive ever seen with clinical depression. hmm i wonder why a bunch of millennials are vibing all of a sudden. im not saying sanderson is perfect--but its the best ive seen from a white author tbh

maybe theres a reason a lot of poc vibe with a literary way to express trauma, and maybe thats why i specifically get so pissed when its not done well. theres a REASON books about outcasts pushing through and claiming their own lives are popular with people who arent white and straight and able bodied. Junot Diaz had a point. maybe lets STOP catering to those assholes who think theyre joseph campbell’s wet dream personified. ive lost respect SO many authors who are objectively talented. pat rothfuss can write so beautifully that ive cried to bits of name of the wind but literally i will never pick that series up again (not just because of the felurian. women in general tbh. mostly the felurian ngl) cause 1) i personally KNEW men whod jerk off to that shit and 2) there was no need for it there was no plot reason for ANY of that shit 

so like obviously thers an issue with authors of color specifically not getting recognized for fantasy and genre work but on god??????? im still mostly mad at the legions of white authors churning out the same medieval england chosen one books year after fucking year. have an original thought maybe. also im sorry that you as an author lack the basic empathy needed to examine the way that women? or any group of people that youre explicitly writing about see the world and would specifically see YOUR made up world. 

yes your fantasy should be diverse, but more than that it should be kind. if you as a writer cant respect groups of people who deserve it....what the hell are you doing in a genre that traditionally is about finding ways to express injustice through metaphor? tolkien’s hero was sam. fantasy was NEVER about the privileged. yall know who you are so stop acting so fucking entitled. peace out.