#you say stuff like that? I get angry no matter who you are
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
brainwashed-klarkstella · 2 days ago
Text
I feel like saying this
I get so many posts on my tumblr feed about antis saying dumb shit and being awful and just general stuff about not liking antis because a bunch of them harass proshippers for no reason and say awful stuff. we should be angry at this people who send death threats and spread hate for no reason other than to be hateful. we don't stand for this behavior as a community, no matter who is doing it
HOWEVER
sometimes, antis put "proship dni" in their bio and the tags of all of their posts and...that's it. they don't go bother proshippers, they don't even say mean shit about us. they just make their silly posts about their favorite ships or their f/os or whatever else they post about. they are not harming us. not all antis are these awful people with a list of insults to hurl at us. I think it's so easy to say antis are bad, antis are mean, antis are this that and whatever, but...honestly like half of the anti community are actually proship and they just don't realize it because they don't know that by not wanting to harass people for their ships and personally being uncomfortable with certain stuff still fits the definition of proship
I guess my point is I wish this community didn't thrive on anti hate. It is so important to call out the bad behavior of specific users (and this goes for anyone, because some proshippers aren't good people either). It would just be nice to see more posts about positivity and just silly ship stuff get more notes than all of the shit talking about how hypocritical and dumb antis can be. They do the same thing, you know. I've seen posts by antis talking about how proshippers are bad because some of them harass people or actually support these things irl or whatever
I'd just like us to be...a bit nicer, maybe? Every time we say bad stuff about the anti community as a whole, we're giving them more fuel to antagonize us with. We should strive to educate people and be respectful, not to sit in a large internet circle with some random antis in the middle and laugh and gawk at them. Even if it sucks, even if we want to just be angry at them, we should strive to be better than them in that regard. And again, not all antis are harassers, and making these generalizations reflects badly on us, just like the harmful generalizations antis make about us that reflect badly on them
oops sorry I keep making long posts lol
28 notes · View notes
whitediamondfairy · 2 months ago
Text
I wasn’t even thinking of that, to be honest — I was angry at how double faced she is AND was reminded of how I HAVE seen women treat girls and women like possessions. I didn’t even think of anything similar to transmisogyny because I consider her a woman, and I got mad because I have seen cis women (especially radfems) use these same arguments she does.
So while I was louder and angrier than I should have been, you’re mistaken in that specific sense. She’s a woman and I would have been just as angry at a cis gal who talked like that - in fact, I’ve told off radfems for that same shit too.
I'mma catch heat for this but fuck it we ball
If your trauma makes it so that you literally cannot treat men/masculine people with the same decency and respect as you would treat anyone else then THAT IS A YOU PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK THROUGH. Men/masculine people as a group are not responsible for your trauma, and if you can't exist around half of the entire global population, then that's not healthy nor is it the responsibility of that group to fix.
Men/masculine people are fucking PEOPLE.
PS: This applies to transfems who boymode/don't want to or can't pass/are gnc as well, if the only transfems you can be "normal" about are the ones who pass or are gender conforming/feminine, you're not normal about transfems.
8K notes · View notes
pa-pa-plasma · 3 months ago
Text
one of the things that will always destroy me is people believing that good story = darker/more mature/more sexual. this belief has ruined so many stories that could have been amazing & has prevented almost everyone from enjoying other really good stories simply because the age range it's aimed at is one they believe can't have complex themes, characters, plot, etc etc. they don't believe they can be moved by something a publisher or studio decided is for kids & so write it off without even thinking about it. biggest curse of being a writer who actually loves stories & telling them is that literally no one else cares in the most pessimistic, higher-than-thou, capitalism brainrot way you can imagine. & it's all automatic. because that's just what you're taught.
#like people who love all kids media uncritically is another problem#but i find an even bigger one is people not believing animated stuff & younger age range stuff can impact you#like imagine trying to explain something you love so much it makes you cry#& every single time people react as if you told them something batshit off the walls insane like you only eat dirt or something#& they need to help you because there is clearly something wrong with you#& no matter how you explain it they always look at you like a crazy person#i feel like no matter what the kinds of art i love will always get shoved to the back of the closet#how i explain the hopelessness of trying to convince someone they're allowed to watch cartoons#but they're adamant they aren't because they're ''too old for that kind of thing''#it really makes me want to cry. & it makes me angry#anyways this is all to say that the minecraft movie is bad because people are afraid to interact with silly things in good faith#& complete 100% seriousness. they cannot take a concept like minecraft seriously#& so they can't see what it's REALLY about#it's not just haha silly block animal & because they can't see it as it is without the filter of ''for kids''#it will be a bad movie. & it won't represent everything everyone who grew up with that game sees in it#i hate seeing a huge problem & either no one else sees it or they do but just don't care because they don't think it's a problem#it IS a problem. it's a HUGE problem that people think they're not allowed to play or have fun or interact with silly concepts seriously#please take shit seriously i'm crying & i'm begging. we could have had something beautiful#people's inability to acknowledge beauty just because the setting is. in their eyes. for kids. is literally ruining art#& i'm gonna start killing about it#Animorphs save me............................................
8 notes · View notes
beesorcery · 5 months ago
Text
google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
5 notes · View notes
obstinaterixatrix · 11 months ago
Text
ex-coworker was like ‘I don’t know what that intern was talking about when she said you came across as cold, I’ve always felt like you have a warm personality’ & I was like. well you’ve never seen me when I was pissed off lol
9 notes · View notes
lionblaze03-2 · 9 months ago
Text
idk about anyone else but for me /personally/ assigning any of the wof dragon tribes a single equivalent human culture or accent feels kind of weird or off. Unless you’re like. Specifically from that culture and know what you’re interpreting
like sure the ‘nightwings are British because they’re voiced that way in the audiobooks’ is funny at first but I once saw a post break down the accents by tribe and assign sandwings a Nigerian accent. Which IMMEDIATELY makes the fact that they’re commonly rogues and thieves in the story not a fun cowboy thing but a vaguely racist thing suggesting that all Nigerian people scam and steal, which. Given the ‘Nigerian prince’ thing is already a stereotype, well…-
and it definitely isn’t JUST that, I’m not trying to call a single person out. But these kind of 1-1 correlations lead to results like this 9/10 times and it just feels strange. Just mix stuff together. Mash ideas from different places into one. Don’t make the dragons a 1-1 parallel to a specific human culture because then any story you tell that may connect to a stereotype of that culture will come off really, really bad
#Instead of they have ___ accent#Say. Well their accent is closest to like this one with a hint of this one. And it varies throughout the regions of the kingdom#Because that is not saying something about a specific ‘kind’ of person. It’s just taking your favorite ideas and playing with them#This is specifically why everything in righteous pines has like 2 religions and then random other cultural factors thrown in#+ the source material and stuff I just made up for me that isn’t from ANY culture#Because I am NOT gonna get caught stereotyping a specific group and be seen as spreading hate#wings of fire#also I don’t mean like. If you’re specifically from a culture and paying informed homage to your heritage#I mean just. Like. White teenagers picking random races based on general regions for the tribes#Like I probably would’ve done when I was 12-14. Like a fool#anyway this isn’t really an angry post at all it’s just kind of a vague opinion#I’m not genuinely mad at anyone who does this I’m just like. Wary for them. Like#Look out girl you’re gonna get cancelled you need to be more CAREFUL#Because I’m 90% sure most people don’t MEAN it to be racist. It’s just. Internalized ideas or general assumptions or something. Uninformed.#But you cannot be uninformed or you will get got. Inform yourselves folks!!! Play safe!! With many mixed ideas!#lion’s lair#invalid white persons opinion by the way. I’m downright vampiric so you can entirely disregard this post if that affects its meaning#My icks literally do not matter in this situation. I know that. I’m just ATTEMPTING to read the room#And not hurt anybody#👍?
5 notes · View notes
widevibratobitch · 9 months ago
Text
.
#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
2 notes · View notes
chiarrara · 2 months ago
Text
can people get radicalized into electoralism? bc I'm starting to feel how centrists claim to feel like "I'm sitting over here with a rational balanced take and people are screaming at me to stop thinking and do what they say based on surface level mantras and logical fallacies" but I'm farther left than the ppl screaming at me.
like when i was growing up the most important lesson i learned about electoral politics was that no one could tell you how to vote, it was your choice and yours alone. but i guess that tenet of democracy doesn't apply anymore.
#fact check: the only vote for trump is a vote for trump#no other action or inaction is a vote for trump#a vote for kamala is not the exact same thing as a vote against Trump it is the exact same thing as a vote for kamala#it will only be interpreted that way no matter your intentions in the voting booth#like these should not be radical statements#you should probably vote but not everyone is going to vote and it will be for various reasons and this is true every fucking election#if people choose not to vote that is their fucking right#if you want to change their minds make a well intentioned argument#stop yelling at them#sometimes i get the inkling this is a lot of y'alls first or second election and that's fine#but it's not mine#not everyone has the same life experiences and the same perspectives as you#that doesn't make them your enemy#if you make too many amorphous groups of people your enemy you're going to have a lot of fucking enemies#and it's going to make you very angry at the world#I'm speaking from experience#not everyone you're yelling at or everyone who's saying the won't vote is even fully decided yet#a lot of people change their mind at the last minute when push comes to shove#a lot of people will bite the proverbial bullet and do something they don't want to do#a lot of people did this last election#a lot of people regretted it#maybe people who don't vote this year will also regret it#maybe there's no decision we won't regret#but everyone has to make their own decision#you really really can't force people to do it#all you're doing is giving them stuff to mull over to make that decision#so it's your choice what that is#what you put your effort into#that's all
0 notes
always-a-slut-4-ghouls · 2 months ago
Text
People online will really be like “you! Individual who cares about this subject and said maybe it would be good, even just an off handed comment, explain it in depth immediately even though you have no real training or experience in debates and even if you point me to someone who you know is better at doing so and articulating the points relevant to what you were saying or suggesting, I won’t check them out even if I wouldn’t have to leave the website we are currently on, because I want YOU and ONLY YOU to explain what this topic represents and respond to my bad faith arguments that have been addressed by people better at it than you hundreds or thousands of time and I can easily look at one of them, especially whoever you suggested could explain it better than you. If you can’t defeat every bad faith argument I make in an attempt to completely discredit both you and the thing you care about then obviously everything about it is wrong and I don’t need to think about it at all ever outside of making you look bad and “winning” this impromptu argument that has been seen and addressed before. Also you weren’t trying to explain the point yourself, you just mentioned it and maybe said it might be good. I win, no one should take that idea seriously, and you’re a bad person.”
#emma posts#it’s a lot of text but I’m really trying to explain what I mean#there’s a weird hostility a lot#and I’m certain instances it’s just like ‘just admit it feels bad and you don’t care. seriously. plenty of people do. you didn’t even#have to reply at all’#i don’t know if i conveyed this whole thing well#sometimes you really can’t reply to something someone said without fucking your words up#but you know of plenty of other people who can and have done so#but it’s not about talking it over. is it? it’s not about the merits of the topics and views on it is it?#that person doesn’t really care at all. the thing just makes them feel bad feelings and you must be bad because of it#even if the bad feelings come from something more innocuous and not something like a slur or whatever#reacting badly to hate is one thing. it makes sense and all that. reacting badly to hostility makes sense too. but it’s not always#hate or hostility. sometimes it’s not something that argues for genocide. it’s just someone suggesting an idea that isn’t causing harm#with some potential small exceptions. but it’s a matter of what the exceptions are#you could argue that climate change activism and their points harms certain industries and potentially the people in them to a degree#but you probably wouldn’t argue that people who are trying to make a difference for that cause are just like totally bad people and wrong#because of that thing specifically. the more nuance the worse replies like this get#ugh if this blows up people are going to be angry at me talking about when people are just hostile online for no good reason#just being cruel to be honest. when there wasn’t any justification for it#but seriously. this online culture has so many problems#and I’m not saying I’m perfect either! no one is! but the atmosphere online is often bad#and bad in a way that can’t really be justified in any reasonable way#this is also not a defense for people who are suggesting things like hate crimes and genocide#if you take it like that you are misrepresenting this and probably who I’m talking about tbh#I feel like it’s very clear that that’s not what I’m talking about and what I did say condemns that stuff#i just need to vent but I’m probably bad at explaining this online#and i support climate change activistm! I’ve been passionate about it since childhood!
0 notes
maengekyou · 3 months ago
Text
i know this is a naruto blog but i need the world to know how much i hate halsin (and gale)
#that's it#that's the post#whenever i see fanart of them i just go /urgh/#such talented artists but goddamn looking at them gives me the ick#like halsin is the type of guy who thinks you're flirting with him bc you ask how his day was#(which is kinda canon bc he falls in love with you no matter what you say to him. even if its purely platonic and you turn him down)#yknow like the one male friend who tells you he has feelings for you and you gently let him down bc he's your friend and you like him#and he says he understands and its ok but every time you dare to laugh at his jokes or show interest in his life#he jumps back to his delusion that you might fall in love with him in the future as long as he tries hard enough#and you tell him again and again and again#and you somehow make it work until you find someone you like and then he gets angry at YOU bc its not him why is it not him#in the end you two are no longer talking bc his ego is too big and you're the problem anyway its your fault your friendship is over#also in real life he'd be the guy who does mushrooms and stuff bc he's in close touch with nature and he has learned so much about himself#while being high (and he won't shut up about it)#he'd listen to electro and reggae (bob marley. yknow. he wrote a song about women and how awful they are! “no women no cry” hahah. RIGHT?)#just the typical white dude with helper syndrom who thinks he is going to /help/ children in africa out of poverty after school#who doesnt use sunscreen bc its carcinogenic but uses vegetable oil instead#and then his skin turns that leathery bronze color after repeatedly getting burned#who walks barefoot 99% of time but has one pair of shoes: the ugliest pair of barefoot running shoes the world has ever seen#oh and gale is just way too egoistical and self-centered. like the way he boasted about being in bed with a goddess?#thats just peak male behavior and no thaaaank you#omg just ignore me i dont know what happened xd
0 notes
sooniebby · 10 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
ఌ 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐄
w.c › 6k
Warnings › faceclaims. Part 1. Slow burn, some slight romance with Hyojin (but Mingi is still the main love interest).
Plot › you begin to learn just how obsessive Mingi is
Words to know › maknae (막내) — youngest. Hyung (형) — a term a younger male with call an older male.
ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-
Four Years Ago
“They’re going to add another member. To fill a gap, they feel that you guys another need main vocalist.”
When Dawon had told Mingi and the others that, it was like hell broke loose. They all couldn’t believe that the company really believed they weren’t good enough, after all that training.
Hyojin, however, didn’t see the problem with it. He could actually understand where the company was coming from—even if he did hate them for other reasons.
He didn’t think the others couldn’t sing but there was something he felt was missing. A more mature voice—sultry he’d say.
Which was why when everyone met you, he could understand why the company put you in the group. You were the package deal, minus rapping, but that was okay. And while he’d never tell Yohan, you were a much better leader than he could ever be.
So he was a bit upset for you when the other members were set on ignoring you.
The group was finally filming for their debut single. It was a school boy concept, young love and all that. Hyojin didn’t care too much about that. As long as the song was good and he wasn’t forced to make garbage music, he was fine.
“Okay, guys, we’re going to do pairs for this shot,” Gaeul said, getting the boys attentions. “The director said the pairs don’t matter. So, you guys can pick.”
Hyojin didn’t have to put two and two together that it would get awkward fast if they got to who would be forced to pair with you.
So, he eagerly stood up from his seat, “I’ll pair with (Name)-Ssi.” He said, fixing the tie to his uniform. He ignored the glances the others gave him as he looked over at you.
You were staring at him with a shocked face before a wide grin pulled on your lips, “Okay.”
Hyojin smiled slightly. He moved to follow you to the shooting area when he caught a glimpse of Mingi. His eyes widen as he saw Mingi staring at him as if he wanted to murder him. The boy was picking at his pants as he glared at him.
Who knew someone so young could make such a scary face?
Though he didn’t understand why Mingi seemed so angry? Did he.. want to pair with you?
That didn’t make any sense—he didn’t exactly talk to you.
Oh well, Hyojin had other things to worry about.
He was a bit awkward for the camera so he wasn’t having the best of time filming. The amount of times the director told him to not look like he’s having a war flashback was too many to count.
The set was a bedroom, stuff randomly around. This director had wanted it to feel a bit more real and only gave you and Hyojin the direction to act like students who were discussing how to confess to their crush.
Hyojin didn’t know how the fuck he was supposed to do that but you seemed to understand.
Once the camera began to roll, you basically stole the scene with ease. Acting cute seemed like second nature to you. Hyojin just followed whatever you did, letting you lead him.
Just as the scene was about to end, you both sat on the bed as you opened a fake note. Hyojin leaned in to see that there was a little stick figure drawing, causing him to crack a slight smile.
He glanced over and felt himself freeze, your face close to his. You were staring at him with eyes he couldn’t really describe. A soft gaze as a slight smile pulled on your lips.
Did they put lipstick on your—
“Cut!”
“Great job, guys!” Gaeul said, walking over to you two. You easily pulled away as Hyojin tried to think about what just happened.
“Thanks for pairing with me, Hyojin-Ssi.” You said, smiling at him. The rest of the sentence didn’t need to be said.
“I wanted to pair with you… uhm, you don’t need to speak so politely with me.” He said, deciding to bridge the gap.
Your eyes widen before you eagerly nodded, “okay. Call me Hyung then, Jinnie.”
Jinnie?
Oh man, you were too cute.
Gaeul coughed, clapping her hands together, “great, you two are cute! But c’mon, you guys need to film a quick video for the vlog the Dawon is making.”
You and Hyojin joined the other members back in the dressing room. Dawon was holding a camera as he motioned for the group to stand up and start the intro. You stood in the middle as Hyojin stood on your left while a disgruntled Yohan on your right.
It seemed like Yohan wouldn’t like you at all… or anyone besides Hyojin for that matter.
Every member immediately got their camera ready persona on as you smiled, ready to start the introduction when someone stopped you.
“Ah, Hong (Name)-Ssi, you shouldn’t smile, it’ll go against the boyfriend image we have for you,” one of the producers said, causing you to freeze.
Another one hummed in agreement, “and maybe angle your head a bit to left, your face looks better on camera that way.”
Gaeul let out a grunt, “uh, thanks… but I’m his manager.. I can handle the group.”
“Well, handle him better.”
You ignored the questioning stares the members gave you as you dropped your smile. Hyojin wanted to say something back but he was a rookie—he had no power over the people funding their debut.
He could only watch as the light in your eyes practically went out from their berating. From that moment, he could easily tell there was a different set of standards you had to meet compared to the others.
From then on, he was going to help you, in anyway he can.
That’s why he’s your favorite… right?
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
You wanted to die.
At age twenty five you came like a teenage boy right in front of your maknae.
How embarrassing.
You grabbed your pillow and let out a loud scream, wanting to just close your eyes and never wake up. Mingi was taking a shower and you were scared he’d come into your room later.
There was no way in hell you wanted to see him again tonight.
Maybe tomorrow.
Or a few weeks.
You glanced over at your phone and stared at it for a few minutes. Maybe some posts from those freaky Miras would make you appreciate life again. Or something like that. Whatever bullshit idea you could come up with to justify you still going to the NSFW side of your fandom.
Now that you knew about the rise of gay/bisexual men into you, you wondered if you could find any.
Your biggest fan account, itsokokok had recently posted so decided to see if maybe they were congregating in the replies.
The new three posts of today was from three hours ago. It was from three different album promotions.
The first was from debut: it was a short clip of you in the music video. Your duo scene with Hyojin. You didn’t remember just how cute you acted in it, really playing up the teen boy being in love.
You checked the comments, many filled with people that weren’t Miras. Most of it was just guys saying you were really cute but in a natural way.
Second was of your performance from… pre debut? Huh, how did they find this? You looked to be maybe fifteen—a performance from your high school’s talent show. The video was of you dressed in a suit and tie performing A.D.T.O.Y by 2pm.
Quite the song for fetus you to be performing but hey, none of the adults stopped you.
It seemed the comments did have morals and mostly just complimented your ability to sing and dance at the same time. Though a few wanted you to preform the dance now… probably to thirst over you.
Lastly, the third video was one year old, a short clip of the music video for your second to last comeback. You didn’t know how they could thirst over this but you clicked on the video.
You were wet in the video, standing in front of a swimming pool. Dressed in a white button up and black slacks. The white shirt was stuck to your skin as you delivered your line, tugging at the loose tie around your neck.
At the time, you didn’t find the whole aspect of being wet on camera a bad thing. The song was about drowning in your feelings so being wet made sense.
Though you now regretted it.
@bluemuuun
↳ need him bad… don’t even know his name
@hanniesmira
↳ you don’t know Miracle?! Hong (Name) from Miracle? Dude you’re missing out, they have great songs
@bluemuuun
↳ I’m not even into kpop, I just want to fuck him ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
@slipslickk
↳ he looks good wet—I need one of his members to fuck him on stage already pls
@dohasflatass
↳ wonder if Min collapsed after seeing (Name) during shooting ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
@hanniesmira
↳ knowing min, he probably threatened anyone who stared for too long ㅎㅎㅎ
@hyunkikii
↳ Mrcle definitely take turns on his ass, got a phatty for real
@hyoojinie
↳ his gaze into the camera is so slutty
Just as you were about to log out, you came across an older post itsokokok posted. It was of your early debut. One of the stage performances. It followed you dancing with a stoic face right when it was your center turn until it was Yohan’s turn.
As soon as the main camera was off you, a wide smile pulled on your lips as you danced along. Whenever it was your turn to sing, you immediately dropped the smile.
You were mostly following the orders the company gave you. Being the stoic boyfriend.
Nowadays you stopped caring but back then you were so scared of being taken out of the group that you followed whatever the company told you.
The comments were filled with comments of Miras, a few stating they missed this side of you. If only they knew that it wasn’t the real you. You scrolled through the comments before seeing one by itsokokok himself.
He was responding to someone saying they loved you when acted stoic, and hating this new ‘fake’ you.
→ then you don’t know the true him
You sat up, staring at the comment for a moment. Itsokokok didn’t seem to really comment. He had little to none captions and just posted once everyday at random times, possibly whenever he was free. It wasn’t even anything too crazy but the comment oddly felt like he knew you?
Well, probably not. He might’ve just noticed that you were putting on an act due to your pre-debut activities. It was a drastic difference if you paid any attention.
Speaking of, how did he find any of your pre-debut stuff? You tried to think if you maybe posted them yourself or maybe your classmates or something.
Maybe your mom? She loved posting videos of your performances on her Instagram. She even gained a lot of followers because of it. Her account was basically a fan account at this point.
He might’ve just found the pre-debut performances she posted, it’s not like she’s hiding it.
You shrugged. It wasn’t too creepy. He seemed to actually appreciate you.
And that’s all you can really ask for in a fan.
“Hyung.”
You blushed and quickly turned off your phone. Mingi stepped into your room, rubbing at his face as he got on your bed. You simply watched him get comfortable before glancing over at you.
“You’re so stiff.” He said, a slight smirk on his lips. “Are you scared I’ll eat you in your sleep?”
“Mingi!” You bristled, quickly turning off your lamp as you got underneath your covered. You kept your back to him as you tried to drown out his laugh.
It was silent after a minute. You glanced back to see him fast asleep. That was fast.
Staring at him, you wondered how much he’s changed. He wasn’t seventeen anymore.
Maybe he really did love you…
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
“Solo activity?”
Your group mates were looking at you in shock. It had been almost a month since Gaeul had told you about your change in marketing and now the company finally has something for you. Your solo stage.
They were all in your apartment, getting comfy on the couch when you suddenly came out ready to leave. Everyone had been practicing daily for the comeback that they had planned for a relaxed day today.
“Yeah.” You said, feeling a bit nervous. “Did.. Dawon Hyung forget to tell you guys?”
“Oh, yeah, he did.” Yohan muttered.
“I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” Doha said, glancing back at the tv. You wanted to ask what he meant by that but then Yohan delivered a swift kick to Doha’s shin.
“Have you been practicing before us then?” Kihyun suddenly asked. “You’re already prepared to perform it?”
“Mhm… I’ve been practicing daily after our recording sessions.” You bit your lip. “It’s an easy song to learn.”
“Ah okay,” Yohan said, speaking for the others who were just staring at you. “Do you want one of us to come with?”
“Come—? Uh, uhm.” Your eyes gazed at them in disbelief. They wanted to come? Why did it feel like they were attached to your hip these days?
Mingi rolled his eyes, coming out from the kitchen. “(Name) Hyung doesn’t need someone with him. He’s not a baby.”
“You’re just jealous he might not choose you,” Doha shot back, smirking at the deadly glare Mingi sent his way.
“Ah, I guess I could bring one of you guys,” you said, causing them to perk up immediately. Their eyes stared right into your soul. You felt your hands sweat as you tried to think about who to choose.
No way would you choose Mingi… he was making you uncomfortable these days. The way he gazes at you like you’re his entire world is insane!
Yohan would be too annoying.
Kihyun would be a bit awkward.
Doha was being annoying to Mingi and you didn’t want reward his behavior.
Your gaze narrowed in on Hyojin. His eyes met yours as a slight grin pulled on his lips. That’s all he needed as he stood up with a triumphant smile. The others immediately groaned and shook their heads in annoyance.
Hyojin moved to follow you out the door when Mingi suddenly grabbed his arm. You almost yelled at Mingi for his aggressive behavior but Hyojin didn’t look shocked at all.
Mingi whispered something while Hyojin rolled his eyes.
“Childish.” He said, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t touch what’s yours. You should worry about Yohan Hyung instead.”
“What? Yah, what are you talking about?!” Yohan yelled, glancing over at Mingi.
You stood there mouth agape. Mingi didn’t… no way he wouldn’t.. Hyojin grabbed your hand before you could properly spiral and lead you out of the apartment.
Just what the hell was Mingi’s problem?
Hyojin didn’t see you romantically, what is he worrying about?
Once you reached the music show, you were quickly dressed in an outfit to match the song you were performing. It was business casual, apparently.
Hyojin sat on the couch as the stylist helped you get dressed. He was silent for the most part, tapping away on his phone. It was another reason why you chose him. He wasn’t an annoying little shit like the rest of them.
“Jinnie,” you called, fixing the fake glasses on your face. “How does Hyung look?”
It took a minute before he finally glanced up. His eyes widen as he took you in. You were dressed in a white button up, sleeves rolled up with a loose black tie. Black slacks with sleek black dress shoes.
“It reminds me of something I wore before,” you laughed, tugging at the tie as you looked over at him.
Hyojin coughed, the tip of his ears getting red as he mutely nodded. “Mhm… you make it so hard, Hyung.”
“Hm?” You tilted your head, walking over to him as you plopped down beside him on the couch.
“I think Mingi will be upset if I told you… but everyone in the group has.. liked you.”
“Liked me? Like…”
“Romantically.” Hyojin said, smiling slightly. “But Mingi had stronger feelings for you.”
“So what… did he.. did he tell you guys to back off or something?” You asked, still reeling from the fact your members liked you. The thought seemed ludicrous!
“Yeah.” Hyojin said bluntly. “Something like that.”
You raised an eyebrow, “what did he do?”
“Secret.”
“Hyojin.”
“Mhmmm, I can’t remember.”
You glared at him as he went back to his phone. “I don’t understand. You guys really liked me..? How? Why?”
Hyojin shrugged. “I don’t know about the rest of them.. but I just liked you for you. But it wasn’t the strongest feelings.”
The strongest… You briefly wondered about Kihyun. Maybe he had stronger feelings for Kihyun?
But before you could ask, a staff member called for you. Hyojin gave you a thumbs up as you got up and left.
While you were nervous, you weren’t exactly nervous to preform on stage alone. You’ve always performed alone before debuting in Miracle.
The month you spent practicing for the song was a breeze. It was a song that took inspiration from a past song you composed. The choreographer didn’t go all out with the dance.
Though what you were really nervous about was if people would actually care.
What if the so called growing interest in you deflated immediately?
You shook your head, walking onto stage. A group of six dancers followed you. The crowed actually cheered a bit when you came on. There was a few Miracle lightsticks. But immediately, a group of male voices rung out in the building.
Everyone seemed shocked at how loud they were, even the dancers as they got into position. You couldn’t help but grin and eagerly wave at them.
“귀여! ♡♡♡♡!”
“Thank you!” You said into your mic, laughing at the immediate screams from the crowd. You walked to your position, letting the dancers grab your waist as they pulled you to sit on two of their arms—a makeshift throne.
The lights dimmed as you got ready to perform. You tried to remember all the times you performed alone and channeled the energy of younger you.
While you would dance, you would focus mostly on having great vocals. This song was a taste into the title track, you needed to show a great intro.
The performance started with a slight hiccup when the back track started before you but you continued as if nothing happened. It allowed for your vocals to truly show anyway.
The major part of the song that seemed to get most of the crowd excited was when one of the dancers grabbed your tie and tugged you towards him. You couldn’t help the slight blush during that part, feeling oddly excited over it as well.
Was this a kink?
You ended the oddly homoerotic song with the dancers kneeling in front of you, your hand digging into one of the men’s hair.
Cheers erupted as soon as you were finished. You felt excited, hearing mostly male voices scream your name. The dancers immediately stood up and grabbed you, lifting you up in the air as you shrieked in shock. Your arms immediately wrapped around one of their shoulders at the sudden movement.
If only you knew just how angry this little action would make a certain someone.
The drive home felt long for some reason. Hyojin was on his phone so you decided to check how Miras were doing.
Not too surprising, not that many Miras talked about the performance. However non fans were praising it. Itsokokok had posted.
It was three posts, seems like he had a pattern. The first was of your recent performance. A short video of the moment when the dancer pulled your tie. Your face didn’t hide any of the hidden pleasure you got from that short moment.
During practice, the pull was never harsh so it really did shock you when he tugged it harder this time around.
Of course, the comments were filled with people thirsting. Mostly non fans—gay men in particular. The same Miras that actually liked you were thirsting over you while also gushing at how you finally had a solo activity.
Shocker, the NSFW side that talked about your members fucking you actually appreciated you.
The next post was of a pre-debut one. This time, it was a nineteen year old you preforming an original song. It was the song the company used to create the solo song you just preformed.
Most of the comments didn’t seem to notice this at all. You were mainly shocked the account owner even found this clip.
Lastly, it was a clip from the group’s occasional vlog. From the setting, it was of the time the group was planning Mingi’s nineteenth birthday. You were kneeling down as you picked something up.
The camera was just on you as you arched your back by pure instinct. You don’t even remember doing that. A laugh was heard from the camera man, you quickly noticed it was Yohan filming before video you looked back and glared at Yohan.
“Go do something useful!” You had yelled, “Minnie’s party has to be good. I won’t let you ruin it.”
@bluemuuun
↳ does his back naturally arch like that??
@hanniesmira
↳ his relationship with min is so cute.. i bet today’s performance killed min ㅋㅋㅋ
Before you could read the rest, the van reached the apartment complex. You and Hyojin left as you got inside. Hyojin waved you good night before going into his shared apartment with Kihyun.
You wondered back to his claim of the members all liking you.
That just didn’t make any sense.
As you moved to unlock the door to your apartment, it swung open, showing a pissed Mingi.
Fuck.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
“How was the performance?”
Hyojin glanced over at Kihyun. He had just walked in and was set on just speed walking straight to his bedroom. Kihyun was sitting in the couch and didn’t look away from the tv.
“It was good, Hyung is a good performer.” Hyojin muttered, slipping off his shoes. He slipped off his coat and slowly walked over to the living room.
“Yeah, he is.”
“Well… I’ll go to bed—”
“Hyojin.”
Hyojin sighed, looking back at Kihyun. Kihyun was finally looking over at him. His piercing gaze made his back tense. The slight hums of the tv filled the odd tension as Hyojin fought the urge to just walk away. It was too late to be dealing with this.
“Are you… still upset about what I said this morning?” Kihyun finally said, his gaze softening.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Kihyun stood up from the couch as he walked over to Hyojin. “I didn’t think it would upset you… I thought you were over him.”
Hyojin felt his jaw tighten, “you might’ve gotten over Hyung easily but I actually liked him. I liked him a lot—I only backed off because Mingi was right, (Name) Hyung would never see me romantically.”
“So… what’s the problem? Aren’t we—?”
“—dating?” Hyojin pinched his nose before letting out a sigh. “I don’t know, are we? You only want to have sex, nothing else. Even if we are ‘dating’—I won’t allow you to speak about my past feelings as if they were trivial.
“(Name) Hyung is an important part of my life, especially because he’s still here. It’d be different if he wasn’t around anymore. So I’m sorry, Hyung, my feelings for (Name) Hyung wasn’t some three second attraction like yours… If two years ago, (Name) Hyung had returned my feelings in anyway… I’d never have gotten with you.”
Kihyun sighed, “I didn’t mean it that way, Hyojin… I didn’t realize you had liked him that much. I—”
“Hyung.” Hyojin interrupted him. “Come back to me once you figure out if you want to be boyfriends or just fuck buddies. I’m not breaking myself over another guy.”
With that, he walked into his room, slamming the door shut.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
Mingi immediately tugged you inside and glared at you. “What type of solo stage was that?”
“What do you mean?” You asked, moving to walk to your room. Mingi was already following you as you tried to keep yourself calm.
You were older! You’re the group leader… he needs to.. he can’t treat you like this.
Especially over a simple performance.
“Hyung.” Mingi’s voice was tight. “We’ve never performed a song like that before—the company never allowed it.”
“Well they’re just trying something new with me. They’ve finally noticed a group of people they can advertise me to. I can..” you placed your bag on your bed and sighed, “I can gain some fans that actually care about me.”
“Fans? Is that all you care about? What about the music?”
“Mingi, obviously I care about the music!” You said, staring at him as he stood in your doorway. “But it’s normal to want positive feedback from sharing your art! You get it all the time, I’ve seen how Miras react to you.”
“So what, you’ll feed into the silly relationship the company uses to get people’s money?!”
You sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose. “Mingi, it’s not that serious. I’ve always wanted to do a sexy concept anyway—no one forced me.”
As you glanced back at him, any anger you had tempered down. You couldn’t be mad at him—not for long anyway. “I get it… you’re just worried but I consented to everything.” You muttered, hoping that would calm him down.
“So you consented to be whored out for some fans that only like you because they want to fuck you?”
You blinked.
Once.
Twice.
Thrice.
A laugh left your lips as you stared straight at Mingi.
“Choi Mingi.” You whispered, your gaze hardening as your fists clenched. The words you wanted to say was in the tip of your tongue and if you weren’t so angry—you would’ve held back.
But you didn’t.
“Remember your place.” You said, walking over to him. “I am your Hyung, not your boyfriend. I’m not yours and you can’t act so possessive over me, do you understand? I don’t know what you told the others but it’s not your right to tell them to back off.”
“You—?”
“Yes I know! I’m not your boyfriend and I won’t ever be your boyfriend!” You yelled, pushing Mingi out of your room, causing him to bang his head right against the wall. He stared at you in shock as you froze. Any anger you had was gone as you wanted to rush and check if he was okay.
But you couldn’t.
You shouldn’t.
You cleared your throat as you glanced down at the ground. Your throat felt tight. “Choi Mingi, I don’t think you really love me… because if you did, you wouldn’t have insulted me to my face.”
A pained whimper left your throat as you quickly looked away from Mingi. “I’ll go… spend tonight with Hyojin. Don’t.. don’t bother me.. please.” You whispered, moving to leave as quickly as you could.
A hand gripped your arm before you could even step an inch away. Your body tensed as you waited to see what Mingi would say. He didn’t feel like that boy you knew… how much had he changed?
You reluctantly glanced back to see what he was going to say only to see him kneel down. Your eyes widen as he pressed his head against the floor, hands resting on the ground.
“죄송합니다. 죄송합니다, 형.”
“Mingi…” You whispered. You slowly knelt down and gripped at Mingi’s shoulders, pushing to make him sit up but he fought against you. He kept repeating himself, his words slowly being muffled by the sound of his gasps.
“Mingi. Choi Mingi.” With his refusal to look up, you decided to try a different method. “I’ll leave.. I’ll go to Hyojin if you don’t look at me.”
You got whiplash at how quick he looked up. Your gaze softening at the sight of his face. His eyes were red as tears streamed down his face, his face blotchy and red already. He kept gasping for air as if crying so hard was taking his breath away.
Despite yourself, you remembered the only other time he cried so hard in front of you.
“Childish. You really are childish.” You whispered, wiping away at his face. His body physically loosened at your touch as he leaned into it. Though you could tell he wasn’t coming any closer, even if his hands twitched to touch you.
It didn’t look like he was in the capacity to speak so you decided to do it for him.
“I’m upset, Mingi. I’m so upset you would hurt me like this. Were you jealous? Why would you say that about me?”
Mingi shook his head.
“Then why did you say that? What could you have possibly meant?”
“Scared..” he managed to mutter, taking a second to take a deep breath. “You’re… older… I’m… younger… the.. dancer… older… what if… what if you want an older man…? What if… you’ll leave me… because he’s better..”
You blinked, staring at him confusion. “Mingi, that’s so silly.” You whispered, cooing when he tried to glare at you—it didn’t pack a punch with his face wet with tears. “You were insecure and that’s okay… but that was not the way to go about it. Are you scared that… I’ll leave you if I get more fans?”
He hummed. “You… might… leave the group.”
“Why would I? You have solo activities but you don’t want to leave the group. I can have solo activities too. I like our group. You’re really acting your age, Mingi.”
That seemed to be the wrong thing to say as he immediately began to try and pull away. You pulled him back in quickly as you brought his face to yours.
“Next time, if you’re feeling a certain way, you can.. voice it? Instead of talking down on me, okay?” You said, giving him a slight smile. “But I’m happy you immediately apologized. I didn’t think you would do that.”
Mingi sniffled, finally sitting up straight. “It’s because I—”
You clamped his mouth shut, a blush on your face. Mingi only rolled his eyes. Even when he was sad he had the strength to roll his eyes. Wow.
Despite yourself, the previous anger wasn’t as strong anymore. You didn’t think you would be so easy to forgive but you were. Was it because he apologized? He seemed so sincere that you knew it wasn’t a joke—Mingi can’t cry on command, he’s tried many times.
Surprisingly only Kihyun could.
He… he really loved you?
“Minnie,” you said, unable to hide the smile at his eager gaze from hearing his nickname. “Is it true… that you told the other members to back off?”
Mingi frowned before he silently nodded.
“Why….?”
He pulled your hand away from his mouth as he looked away. “They didn’t love you like I do. It was just simple infatuation…”
“How could you be so sure?”
Mingi raised an eyebrow, “Hyung, I’ve trained with them since I was fourteen… I’ve known them longer than you do. Besides, it’s not like they fought me on it… well not all of them.”
“All of them…? Did…?”
“One person disagreed.”
“Who?”
“Secret.”
“Mingi.”
“Ah, I can’t really remember.”
“You and Hyojin are the same, little shits.” You sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose. “But still, that was wrong of you. You shouldn’t mess with anyone else’s feelings.”
Mingi looked as if he wanted to talk back but simply nodded. “Okay… it was two years ago anyway.”
“Two years ago?”
“Mhm. On my nineteenth birthday.”
“Ah.”
You wanted to ask more but it looked like Mingi was done talking. He rubbed at his eyes as he began wiping at his tear stained face. While you weren’t angry anymore, you still weren’t exactly so forgiving without any work on Mingi’s part.
“Minnie,” you said, watching as he perked up. “I’m still mad… so you can’t touch me at all for a month.”
His eyes widen as he stared at you as if you just told him his parents died in a plane crash. His lips wobbled as a pained grunt left him, he was obviously trying to plead a case but the rational part of him knew not to push it.
He looked as if he’d cry again.
You only smiled. “Punishment for calling your Hyung a whore. I think I’m being quite nice, don’t you think?”
Mingi squared his jaw. “Yes, Hyung…”
“Good boy.” You whispered, smirking at his pained expression. “You can’t sleep with me tonight, unless you want to sleep on the floor. Night, Minnie.”
Mingi was going to have a tough month.
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
→ have you guys seen this performance??
→ 씨발! If I had a dick it’d be hard ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
→ who is this???
→ he sounds so good??
→ wish I could pay attention to the lyrics but his ass is distracting me
→ 대박! He sounds so stable
→ I found his group performances!!! Why is he so underrated??
→ does he have any other solo work?
→ my dick hard
→ the group sings so well, I’ll tune in for their comeback!!
→ his photo cards are cheap!! I’ll buy a dozen ㅋㅋㅋ
→ I think I came
ཆི❤︎ཆྀ
Three years ago
Mingi was confused. He saw so many fan accounts for other members. Way too many for himself—he didn’t get what was so special about him. But little to none accounts solely for you. The group had debuted a year ago, surely someone likes you enough to create an account?
He sighed, scrolling through the lists of popular Miras accounts. Why weren’t they praising you? You were the best, a great singer, dancer, and leader.
Was it because you didn’t fit the Korean beauty standards?
How stupid.
Mingi didn’t care about what fans thought of him so long as they liked the music—but it seemed to bother you that no one was giving you any attention.
So, he decided to rectify that.
It took him a minute but he soon figured out how to create an account.
He chose his profile picture—a picture from the group’s season greetings, one where you had frosting on your nose as you smiled at the camera.
He’d never use social media before so his generic names for the account were all taken. He didn’t know what else to name the stupid account as, it was just so he could post pictures and videos of you.
After a short break before he mentally crashed out, he decided on a different name.
Itsokokok
It was a lyric from the group’s debut title track. Your first line of the song. Not many people would probably know but that was fine with him. The account was honestly mainly for him.
He didn’t know what his first post should be so he decided on a picture he took of you. Luckily he had posted it on the group’s Instagram so no one would think anything of it. It was a candid photo, you were looking up from your phone because he had called your name. You looked so cute despite how tired you were.
His first ever picture of you was his first ever post.
Shit, he was down bad.
no smut this time, sorry yall, but chapter three will give yall what’s deserved, next week Friday. Trying something different with this OC. Anyway, next chapter, he’s about to get freaky. Also can you guess who was the member that refused Mingi’s request? ;)
죄송합니다 — is the most formal way to say sorry in Korean
Tag list: @euthymiko @love-kha1 @iwishtobeacrow @chill-guy-but-cooler @tehyunnie @tomoeroi @smellwell @remdayz @star-3214 @mooncarvers-world @rhetorical-conscience @cherry-blossoms-187 @ofclyde @the-ultimate-librarian @kiiyoooo @secretivemessenger @mello-life25 @yuzuukix @bensontrechic @onementally-unstabel-kid @me-when-life @bangbangdevotee @chaevvonders @bangchansdirty-slut @honey-valentin3 @hoshimochicchi @lucaisnothere @jaxyy219
1K notes · View notes
entitled-fangirl · 3 months ago
Text
A second wife and a poet.
Cregan Stark x second wife! Blackwood!reader
Summary: The North pressured Cregan to marry again. He hates the thought of it, but at least the reader is someone he's comfortable with.
Warnings: mentions of death, fighting, battles, arguing, cursing, smut (p in v), and all that other stuff
A/n: Based on an ask sort of! This thing is so long I'm so sorry😭
Masterlist
Tumblr media
..........................................
Cregan did not wish to marry again. The thought terrified him.
But he understood that his wishes were not taken into account when he was born with the Stark name.
Now, he nervously stood outside of the Winterfell walls, awaiting the young woman that would become his second wife. 
Lord Samwell Blackwood's only daughter. 
Cregan was not a religious man, but he prayed that this marriage would be better.
It would help further the alliance. That's what he told himself. 
He swallowed the lump in his throat as her carriage came to a halt. 
She stepped out.
She was different than what Cregan had remembered.
The Blackwood hair was obvious, the dark curly locks running down her shoulders effortlessly. He'd seen that same shade atop of Benjicot's head. 
But the manner in which she carried herself was different. Very… un-Blackwood like.
She was nervous.
He'd never seen any of the Blackwoods ever hold an inkling of doubt to them. It was a strange sight.
Not that he could blame her.
She curtsied out of politeness, keeping her head down.
He shook his head, "Y/n."
Her head shot up to look at him. To really look at him.
She remembered him visiting Raventree Hall in their youth. Cregan had found a friendship in her brother, Benjicot, as did their fathers.
This had prompted lots of visits in the past.
Until Rickon Stark died and Cregan took the mantle his father left behind. He was only thirteen.
Now in his twenties, the permanent exhaustion shown in his eyes. The years had been hard to him.
He was nothing like the young boy that had once sparred with her brother.
"Cregan," she greeted back.
Their eyes met.
It was awkward. What do you say to someone you know and yet, don't know at all? Especially when both sides had endured such grief.
"Did-"
"I heard-"
They both stopped, not intending to interrupt one another. 
"Please," Cregan gestured.
"No, I insist that you do."
An unsure breath escaped him. "Did Benji not accompany you?"
It was strange to hear the formidable Lord of Winterfell still refer to her brother as "Benji" as if they were kids again.
"No," she swallowed. "He had… more pressing matters to attend to. I hope you understand."
"Of course," he offered. "I was saddened, you know. To hear of the loss of your father."
The Battle at the Burning Mill had left her father, Samwell, and her cousin, Davos, dead in the dirt alongside many other men who fought by their side. It was a victory, but with victory came loss.
"As I, with your wife, I mean."
He nodded. "Thank you."
Silence swallowed them whole, both at a loss of what else they could possibly say to ease the other.
He took the time to study her, making a note of the way she tapped the tips of each finger to her thumb. A nervous tick, he made a note of. Benji did the same when he grew angry.
"Did your journey fair well-"
"-Yes," she quickly answered.
They both cursed inwardly.
"Right. Perhaps I should show you… Indoors?" He asked awkwardly.
She nodded. "Yes, yes of course."
She sat at the desk, laying her head down onto the wooden surface. 
Judging by the way Cregan had only lingered in the doorway before, she had guessed that he hadn't entered the room since the passing of his wife.
Everything in it had remained the same. 
It felt wrong. Like an invasion of privacy to open her own closet and see another woman's dresses in it.
"Shall I get these out for you, my lady?" Her handmaiden tried to ease.
"Leave them," she muttered. "I'll get them out when I'm ready."
"And when will that be?"
She sighed in defeat. "I dunno."
What a lousy first impression.
Cregan felt like punching a wall.
What an idiot.
Perhaps he was destined to always have a wife estranged to him. For that's how this one had begun.
It should've been easy. It was Benji's sister, for fuck's sake.
He tried to rack his mind of memories of his time in Raventree Hall. He was a much younger soul then and the memories of it had faded significantly with time.
But he did remember her faintly.
She was always around, but she never bothered them. Never spoke up. She always was somewhere near with a book or a thread and needle. 
He just remembered the essence of her, but that was enough.
And the thought that war had broken the siblings up put an ache in Cregan's heart. He knew she'd be safe with him, but still. Benjicot couldn't even leave his duties long enough for a wedding ceremony. And she had just… accepted that.
This was his second chance. 
He had to do better.
At dinner, he tried to ease the tension. 
He cleared his throat, "You can write to your brother. If you wish, that is."
She set her spoon down gently and folded her hands into her lap. "That's kind. It would ease his mind to know I made my journey safely."
He grunted and took another sip of his broth. He tried to think of anything else. 
But she spoke up again, "I was waiting to ask but… perhaps I should just ask."
He tilted his head down, "Yes?"
"Your son… he lived, didn't he?"
He could tell she shook a little as she asked. "He did. He eats in his room."
"Oh." 
"Did you… Did you want to meet him?"
She pauses and a genuine smile breaks out on her face. "I'd be hard to be Lady Stark if I didn't."
He hangs his head in mock shame and he chuckles. "Right. That was foolish of me to ask."
"No, I understand." She shifted in her seat. "You're hesitant to replace his mother. You don't have to explain that to me."
"It's not that," he countered. "Well, not exactly. It's confusing."
"Alright?"
"My…" he paused. "Arra was one of my greatest friends in this world. But she was no wife. Our friendship grew to duty, and the love we shared for other another faded quickly. We seemed to argue more than we got along towards the end. It was… disheartening."
"I see."
He looked up at her and pushed himself to continue. "I fear you and I are not an even match."
A sudden jolt was felt in the pit of her stomach. "What?"
His eyes widened as he realized his choice of words, "No. No. I just meant… gods." He rubbed his forehead. "I have… experienced all the wonders of a man and wife already and you have not." Cregan looked around in thought. "Just seems unfair to you. In many ways."
She considered his words. He was right, she couldn't deny that. "Do you believe my brother had any doubt in this betrothal?"
Cregan's brows came together in confusion. "I don't understand."
"Everyone thought him so eager to sign me away, but that's anything but the truth. He knows you, Cregan. If it were any other man wishing for my hand, he would have denied it. Not you."
That brought an unusual warmth to his chest. "Why?"
The ends of her lips quirked up into a smile. "He said he'd never seen an equal opponent such as you. And only an equal opponent would be worthy of something so precious to him."
"Do you agree with him?" Cregan's voice whispered.
"I'm starting to."
The silence that had once been full of tension began to ease into one of comfort. 
"All in your family are true warriors as well, my lady. Only a fool would deny that. Especially your father and… and your cousin, you said?"
She nodded, "Yes, yes, my cousin, Davos. Hard to think that we've considered the battle a victory with such a devastating loss."
He hummed, his interest shifting when speaking of something he may have insight on: war. "The Brackens lost family alike."
She scoffed. "All for a few more feet of territory? For stones?"
"Careful," he warned. "They didn't fight for stones. You're smarter than that. What did they fight for? Truly?"
She thought about it carefully before giving in to what answer she knew he was looking for. "Power."
"Exactly. Your father died for the chance of future Blackwoods gaining greater power. That's much nobler a death than stones, don't you think?"
"He died for Benjicot, then?"
"And you," he offered.
That struck a nerve in her. "Then why do I sit safely behind the walls of Winterfell when I should be fighting by my brother's side for future Blackwoods?"
There it was.
He knew she'd have Blackwood fire in there somewhere.
He only had to light it.
"Do you want to wage wars, sweet girl?"
"No," she countered. "But if it must be done."
"Spoken like a true noble," he chuckled. "It's not nearly the same, I know, but the Stark forces may appreciate your support. If you'll bless us with it."
She looked confused. 
"Please tell me you wish to become a Stark. I cannot bare to think I'm forcing you into a marriage you'll be unhappy in. I've done it before and I won't do it again."
She felt a twist in her stomach at the tough man's voice faltering. She breathed in sharply, "I… I think I do."
Cregan couldn't accept that. "Please," he urged her to continue.
"I… I've been caught on the idea of younger you." She tilted her head to the side in thought as she stared at her bowl. "I'd happily marry my brother's best friend. But… the Lord of Winterfell? I dunno."
"He is one and the same," he protested.
"Is he?"
Cregan had never been rendered speechless in his life, yet there was a first for everything.
She let the silence set before speaking up, "Cregan was a boy with the very essence of life in him. I always thought he'd become a brave knight. He had a fire to him that you so rarely see. But Lord Stark? He has duty written into his very skin. The fire seems to have been tamed by sacrifice. He doesn't want a second wife. Nor do I blame him."
"I never said that!"
"You and I both know if Arra had birthed you one more heir, you wouldn't marry again at all."
"Stop." He commanded.
She faltered, pausing her words at his tone.
"It is true that I marry out of pure encouragement from my council. But that does not mean the end of our friendship. Please don't let it be."
"Cregan, you and I were never friends. You marry me with the memories of friendship you have with my brother. You know I am not him."
"I do!" He yelled. He softened. "I do. You're not like him at all."
That weighed on the two of them like bricks. 
She stared down at her bowl again. "I wish you'd have known my cousin, Davos, closely. My father used to say that the gods placed twins in separate wombs to keep us from ending the world." She laughed lightly, "He and I were inseparable."
"I heard Lord Davos only loved sparring and getting into trouble."
"Do you believe he only managed trouble on his own?" She questioned. "He was fiery on his own, yes, but I only encouraged it. I should have been there. At the border. I could've… I could've kept the battle from starting."
Cregan scoffed lightly, "There was no way to keep an inevitable battle from beginning."
"But I might have prolonged it all further," she tried. "Kept the tension just a while longer."
"Until what? Until it is your brother losing his head? Or worse, you?"
"Yes."
She wasn't that nervous girl from before. No. She was indeed a Blackwood. There was no question about that.
He sighed and clenched his fist. "We wed tomorrow. I'd rather my betrothed sleep well tonight with hopeful wishes rather than regrets and guilt."
She stood. "Maybe you're marrying the wrong woman then."
He watched her walk out, completely stunned.
It reminded him too much of Arra.
The tension hadn't relieved itself if the glare in Cregan's eyes were any indicator.
It was a steady glare. More one that seemed to study her, trying to figure out what makes her tick. 
Seems she was the very thing that made him tick.
She had glared back at the beginning of the ceremony, insistent on giving back every look that was sent her way, but slowly, that had changed to something else.
Her nerves returned.
He didn't notice at first, but he saw the way her hand shook so violently she almost didn't get the cup to her lips without spilling the liquid inside.
He was wracked with guilt.
He had once again forced a woman to "love" him.
"I've called off the bedding ceremony," he spoke lowly. "If that's any help."
"It's not."
He was shocked by the way she had so easily pushed away his attempt to ease her. Like she'd kicked the last leg Cregan was standing on. 
"Get up."
"What?"
"Get up. We're going."
She stared in shock. "Cregan, forgive me. I was-"
"C'mon. I'm firm on this."
When she didn't move, he grabbed her by her bicep, yanking her up and beginning to pull her through the dining hall. Both ignored the cheers and chants of what the people believed would happen in the couple's private chambers.
Once dragged to his room, she pulled her arms from his vice grip and smoothed out her dress. "Is that what you wanted? A newly wedded wife in tears? Because you're awfully close to it, Lord Stark."
"Fuck," he cursed under his breath. "I'm not sleeping with you tonight. I refuse."
"What?"
"I'm not sleeping with you tonight. I refuse." He repeated with more force. He ran a hand through his hair. 
She shrugged off his cloak that he had placed on her during the ceremony and threw it aside. "You won't even let me perform my duties because you don't want to fulfill yours?"
"Y/n," he warned. "That's not how I meant it."
"I can't read you. Do you hate me? Do you love me? Gods, you're insufferable."
"-and you're blind."
"Oh! Enlighten me, then, oh great Lord Stark."
"I loved you. I still do."
She spun around to face him.
Cregan stood firmly. His eyes spoke more than his words did. He was insistent on having her trust him. 
"I don't believe that," she scoffed.
"Oh really?" He walked to his bureau and pulled out a small wooden box. He threw it onto the bed. "Have a look for yourself."
She looked him up and down before hesitantly walking over to the box. Sitting next to it, she pulled it open and examined the contents. 
Letters.
"What is this?"
"Every letter I tried to write to you the day I became the Lord of Winterfell. I had… foolish dreams of maybe having you as a wife. I was only a boy then."
She sat straight. "Why keep them?"
He shrugged. "I'm sentimental, I suppose. I had tried to burn them- many times, in all honestly. Couldn't bring myself to do it."
"May I?"
He nodded, anxiety filling his gut. 
Her nimble fingers picked up the letter that sat on top.
"There's a few others in there," he informed her as he sat on the other side of the bed. "All regarding you, of course. Letters to your brother, your father, you know."
She unraveled the latter despite shaky fingers. 
My loyalist friend Benjicot, I heard of the passing of your father. You have my deepest condolences. I understand all too well the feelings of honor and duty that have now been placed on your shoulders despite the grief that already weighs them down.  Regarding your sister, perhaps she may find a home in Wint
The letter stopped there, and she looked up at him.
"Some are… more recent, actually."
She nodded. "I see that."
He leaned to her, reading the letter with a light blush. "I'm not very well-spoken in writing, so I make lots of drafts."
"And they're all here?"
"Yes. Yes, all of them." He tapped the side of the box with his large hand. "Well, most of them."
She decided not to press the matter, placing the letter back and picking up an older one from deeper in the box.
This one had much sloppier handwriting, the page evidently aged.
Lady Blackwood, As the Leader of the North, I want you and Benji to visit as often as possible. I might be a lord, but I will always have time for the Blackwoods. Perhaps I can even teach you archery like you have so desperately wanted. Everyone knows I'm better at it than Benji is. Cregan
"Why did you never send them?"
He scoffed. "Read that again and tell me that was ever appropriate to send as the Warden of the North."
"You were a child then, as was I. It's in good favor."
"It's unbecoming of a cold northern lord, though." He reached out to take the letter from her but she held it out of his reach.
"Only yesterday, you told me this boy and the man in front of me were one and the same."
"And they are," he urged.
"That's bullshit and you know it."
"It's not!"
"Prove it."
He stared with an unreadable expression. 
She was insufferable, stubborn, witty, gracious, giving, honest…
He crashed his lips onto hers.
She let out a small yelp in surprise, but just as quickly melted into him, kissing him back with just as much enthusiasm.
"This," she panted again his lips. "This is a bad idea."
He kissed her again, then pulled away just enough to speak, pressing his forehead to hers. "What is?" 
"Loving each other."
He grinned. "I don't care."
She groaned and moved back to him, capturing his lips again. 
He pushed her onto the bed, throwing the wooden box onto the ground with a loud crash before getting on top of her. 
She tried to sit up at the sound, breaking away from him for only a moment, "you could've torn them."
"Why does it matter?"
"I want to save them."
He chuckled, "Lovely woman, you'd rather save scraps of paper from a man's youth than indulge in your desires with the very man that wrote them?"
She ignored the butterflies in her stomach as Cregan's thumb brushed over her cheek. "I never said that."
Cregan tilted his head in teasing disbelief. "Then tell me what you want."
"I want-" she paused. What did she want? Mere moments ago, she wanted to return to Raventree Hall and be rid of the northerner. Now, she wanted to bask in anything that he gave her. "I want Arra's dresses out of my wardrobe."
Cregan blinked, clearly taken out of the moment. He sat up. "What?"
She sat up with him. "You may keep them if you wish, but I'm tired of the reminder of her presence every morning, noon, and night."
"Consider it done," he urged. "I'll have them moved immediately. Any of it you want will be gone within the hour."
"No, I don't-" she sighed. "I don't want her gone, per se. She was a part of you, and therefore a part of us. She's given you a son. To rid Rickon of his mother's memory and you of your first wife should be considered a crime."
"But if I live in the past, I can't enjoy what's in front of me."
"Aye, but you're not doing that," she grinned. "You've got a pretty girl in your bed. Seems like you're enjoying the present."
He didn't grin back, only sighing softly and nodding. "I hope you do forgive me. For forcing this."
"Cregan, you did not force it. Benji gave me a choice." When he gawked at her, she continued. "He encouraged me to accept, yes. But he did not force my hand. I wanted to do this. I wanted to marry you."
"You wanted to please your brother and I or you wanted to be Lady Stark?" He questioned.
"I wanted to be the wife of the man I once knew when he was a boy."
He accepted her answer happily, kissing her once again. This time, it was soft and careful.
She reached her hands up into his hair, tugging delicately at the dark strands. His breath hitched and he brought one of his own hands up as well. His hand gripped over hers. He pulled his hand into a fist, forcing hers as well, and encouraged her to tug harshly on his hair. She took the encouragement, beginning to yank. 
He felt a shiver go down his spine and his mouth opened in a moan. She grinned and took that as an invitation to kiss down his jaw. He tilted his head up to give her room to do so.
"I… I lied," he whispered as his hands roamed over his waist. "I think I do want you tonight."
She nipped at a spot under his neck. "I think I want you too."
He grunted at that and pulled her away from him. "Tell me what you want. Truly."
"What do you mean?"
He sighed, "I've had a first wedding night. I want you to have yours the way you want it."
"I… I don't know what I want."
He absentmindedly rubbed at her hip. "Then perhaps we'll try things until you decide."
She nodded. "Th…things? There are multiple things to do?"
He pulled her head back a bit by her hair and kissed her pulse point. "Many."
"But how…"
He couldn't lie and say he hadn't been yearning for some kind of release these last few years. Between Arra's pregnancy, the birth, and the years after her death, Cregan had not laid with another woman. He found himself yearning desperately for touch, of any sort really.
And how lucky was he that hers was so soft. 
He pushed her down on the bed softly. "Trust me?"
"In every lifetime."
Overcome with lust, he pressed his lips to hers again, starting back up the heat in their stomachs that they had played with so eagerly. 
Cregan reached up the tunic on his back, pulling it over his head. He tried to connect their lips again but she kept him from doing so.
She trailed a hand down his shoulder and to his bicep, taking in the sight of his bare torso. Her fingers paused at the feeling of a scar on his arm. Her fingers faltered. 
"It's a rather nasty scar," he whispered.
"My brother gave it to you."
"Aye," His eyes lit up. "He pushed me into a stream and-"
"-and you fell on a rock. I remember my father being so angry with him."
He kissed her yet again, and the two continued as before with a deeper connection than they had thought.
He pulled her skirt up with one hand and caressed the inside of her thigh. 
She jerked at the feeling in uncertainty. "What d-"
"Just tell me how it feels, alright?"
When she nodded, he spoke again, "Sit up for me. We'll get this dress off of you."
"Cre… Cregan…"
"I know. You're doing good," he panted into her ear. 
"I… there's… a feeling…"
"I know. I know, it's alright."
He pushed down on her stomach as he thrusted deeper into her, making her moan and tears pull at her eyes. 
"Give in to it. It's okay."
"I can't… I… I'm scared…" she sobbed lightly.
The hand on her stomach moved around her body, arching her back up to him. He held her closely against him in an attempt to comfort her. "I've got you." He placed open mouth kisses on her neck.
She scratched at his back harshly as she reached her peak. A whine left her lips.
"I've got you," he panted as his hips slowed when his peak neared. "I've got you."
She felt overstimulated and exhaustion filled her body. She closed her eyes for just a moment. Just a moment.
She woke up to the feeling of sunlight on her skin. Her eyes creaked open.
She groaned at the ache between her legs, a slight shake in the muscles of her legs. 
But what caught her attention was the tray that laid on the other side of the bed. A full breakfast sat where Cregan had supposedly once laid. 
She sat up and picked up the note that lay on the tray. 
My beautiful wife,  I hope you'll take the words of a poorly worded poet to heart, for this is a letter that I finally am sending you. No more drafts hidden in boxes and no secrets to keep. My first draft shall always be my last when addressed to you. I dare say I despise arguments. I'm not as highly tempered as your brother, and I find that I don't run hot. I suppose that it's the chill of the North that has done that. Regardless, may this be our last fight for a long while. I have had Arra's clothing removed from all closets, and the traces of her are now few. Her portrait stays in the library and her remains in the crypts, but the greatest things she left behind were my boy and a gash in my heart. I believe you'll care for both of those things greatly.  But you'll not live in that room. You'll find your dresses in my wardrobe now. I don't believe I can part from you for too long now that I have you. This will be my first and last letter to you, for now you'll hear everything from my lips alone.  But I thought you deserved at least one letter after all these years. Your Cregan
"I told them to fetch me when you woke up," he commented from the doorway.
She gasped at his sudden appearance, "Good morning."
"It's after high noon, I dare say."
"Is it?" She looked at the window. "I'm sorry. It was not my intention to-"
"-Are you alright?" He interrupted.
Her brows furrowed. "I'm fine."
"I've never had a woman succumb to sleep like you did. Felt I did something wrong." He rubbed at his shoulder anxiously.
"No, it felt… it felt good. Quite good," she nodded. She took into account that she was still naked in his bed, but she was rather clean. "Did you…"
He flushed. "Oh. Um.. no. No, I didn't. Don't worry."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's not that I didn't want to," he tried to explain then backtracked. "I mean… you fell asleep and once I knew you were alright, I um… I couldn't do that to you."
"That's," she hummed. "That's noble of you."
He chuckled. "It's the least I could do for you. And the note?" He asked to change the subject.
She held it up and reread it. "Thank you. For… all of it."
He stepped to the side and kissed her head, "Anything for my beautiful wife."
"And you, my poet, Lord Stark."
He gripped her chin and forced her head up to look at him. "Don't let the others know," he teased.
"I dare not. This is something I want all to myself."
"Then you have me- heart, mind, and body."
.......................................
Taglist: @twinkletwinklenotastar, @kidd3ath,@yujyujj, @misswynters, @cosmosnkaz, @sithapprentice, @kaniromi, @lovemesomevesey, @its-jackie-bb, @8812-342, @thorins-queen-of-erebor, @kingdomzeldaquest @nyxbranwenn, @callsignwidow, @a1lexh-blog, @alyssa-dayne, @ethereal-athalia, @ashovertheriver, @lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom, @dozcan123, @wangjiangelangel, @kamitargaryen, @aegonswife, @lv7867
1K notes · View notes
tathrin · 1 year ago
Text
The Fëanorians were Doomed to begin with...
Even if the sons of feanor had been handed a silmaril freely at any point in Beleriand it would not have helped them. Hey. Are you listening. The silmarils were hallowed. Ever since the first kinslaying they would have rejected the feanorians. Luthien could have walked right up and dumped it on their heads and it would not have saved them. Earendil doing what he did walked a very thin tightrope to an outcome where Morgoth is defeated. But either way, whether or not they knew it, the silmarils were lost to the feanorians almost the entire time they sought them.
"If Dior did this, if Elwing did that," it doesn't matter!!! Not even taking their perspectives and situations and political landscapes into account at all, it didn't matter!!! The silmarils COULD NOT be held by the sons of feanor. They were on an impossible quest and did not know it... only at the end could they see their own mistakes, and then there is little to be done. Self destruction of one kind or another.... they are in the narrative. They cannot escape it.
#listen. am i hearing that dickens reference spoken in the voice of the muppets christmas carol? YES#but honestly i think namo would enjoy a muppets version of himself anyway so shhhh it's fine#the tragedy is the point#they doomed themselves the moment they drew swords on the teleri tbh#like say what you will about feanor's right to pursue the silmaril and his right to leave aman and everything else#the moment he went from ''give me your boats''/''no'' to ''then i'll stab you and take them over your dead bodies'' he crossed the rubicon#nothing gives you the right to murder someone else in order to take their stuff it doesn't matter how much you've been hurt#he was not in any active danger; he was just impatient and self-absorbed#and instead of either A: trying to talk the teleri around or B: looking for another solution he went straight to GIVE ME YOUR STUFF OR DIE#and yes certainly it was a very emotionally fraught situations! tempers were high! emotions were all the fuck over the place! BUT#you don't get to just start stabbing innocent people because you're upset and they made you angry dude#the second part of the host who came in after the blood started spilling and jumped to the wrong conclusion#and got stabby in order to help their friends whom they thought were under attack (rather than being the attackers) is more of a grey area#because they thought they were acting in DEFENSE but turns out they were aiding and abetting mass slaughter as a temper tantrum#but they didn't KNOW that they were jumping in on the side of ''give me your stuff or die'' so while they can indeed feel guilty as fuck#i don't think that they necessarily get painted with the ''we killed innocents on purpose > we have done evil and become evil'' brush#that the feanorians do...but ''give me your stuff because i want it or i'll kill you'' has absolutely zero moral leg to stand on#the feanorians were doomed to begin with#sons of feanor#silmarils#silmarillion#oath of feanor#lotr#lotr meta#alqualonde#kinslaying
283 notes · View notes
am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 years ago
Note
UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer.
1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.
2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.
So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.
Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.
He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.
Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.
Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.
I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.
He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.
I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.
OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.
Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world
PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox
Original post
12K notes · View notes
drdemonprince · 19 days ago
Text
Banger passage from this Captain Awkward column:
Your question came in a shape that anyone who has spent more than an hour on this website will recognize. Let’s break it down to its most basic form: “Dear Captain Awkward, a person is repeatedly crossing my boundaries in a way that makes me feel [angry][annoyed][overwhelmed][triggered by reminders of past events][bored][avoidant][checked out][exasperated][other feelings that add up to ‘bad’]. How do I convince them to stop doing the stuff that makes me feel bad without making them feel bad?” This framing sets the problem up as a persuasion problem. Your boundaries only get to matter after you successfully convince the other people in the conflict that they do, and in the meantime they get to keep doing all the stuff that makes you feel bad until you a) persuade them to stop b) without making them feel even a little bit bad. Two immediate, glaring problems with this approach: 1) You can’t control how other people will react or how they will feel. 2) It puts all the power and agency in the hands of the person you’re trying to persuade. What happens if they remain unpersuaded, as Jane clearly has? When you were small, you were coerced into being an emotional dumping ground for adults who did not care about your consent. It wasn’t happening because you weren’t saying “uh, that seems like a grown-up problem, I’m gonna go ride bikes now” loudly or clearly or politely enough, it was about knowing that even if you did, at best they wouldn’t notice and at worst they might physically prevent you from leaving, punish you for trying, keep right on doing the thing, and scapegoat you for making them feel bad about any of it. “Fawn” and “freeze” start as trauma responses. When you’re dependent on someone who demands to be tiptoed around and fawned over, they become survival skills. Scratch a recovering people-pleaser who has a hard time saying no as an adult and chances are you’ll uncover a history of exposure to people who were so terrible at taking no for an answer *that it rewired their entire brain.* Once you’re away from a coercive environment, the habits and skills that helped you survive it stop working. People who have no interest in coercing you don’t want you to tiptoe around them, put your feelings last, preemptively manage their moods, or do anything you don’t freely and enthusiastically want to do. They don’t want you to try to read their minds or treat them like they are the worst person you’ve ever met. They don’t want to be the unwitting antagonists in dramas that take place only inside your head. The only people who would ever demand that from you or punish you for not prioritizing them above yourself are people you need to avoid like the plague.
789 notes · View notes
hurlingdown · 7 months ago
Note
Ima eat you and your writing it’s so good can I please get a whiny sub Luffy x domtop male reader who’s like kinda tall I’m talking a tad bit shorter then brook type tall you can ignore if this is too specific 👍 love your work
EAT YOU UP — TOP MALE READER X MONKEY D. LUFFY
Tumblr media
synopsis. luffy loved to sleep in your lap. it was warm, comfortable, and a big enough seat for him to nestle into. it didn't particularly bother you, and even if it did, you wouldn't be able to say no to your adorable captain anyway. just like you hadn't been able to say no to him when his ulterior motives re-surfaced. wc. 1.6k
tags. whiny! sub! luffy, dom! reader. size difference, reader's got a big cock, anal sex, virginity loss, cum eating, tongue-fucking, blowjob, he has no gag reflex, luffy being luffy, bit fluffy ngl
Tumblr media
Luffy revelled in your size difference. 
The way you towered over him, your large hands being able to completely encircle his waist. Not to mention, you made such a good makeshift bed that he just couldn’t help but snuggle into your lap most afternoons, just to take a fat nap. 
You never really minded, as it didn’t interfere with your routine. Plus, having a lap warmer with you anywhere you went was undeniably a huge bonus. 
Today was one of those afternoons. 
Luffy hummed a song, squirming on your lap to find a comfortable position for his nap. You didn’t think much of it at first, until he started shifting about, his back pressed against your chest to directly sit on your cock. 
You froze, feeling the heat rush to your face, and somewhere else—it didn’t help that the rubber captain never kept still. Still, you couldn’t find it in you to push him off, as he had looked up at you with an adorably blinding grin, his gummy smile having wormed its way into your heart long ago. 
“Luffy,” you began awkwardly. 
“You’re hard today.” 
You spluttered. “I’m what today?” 
He turned around in your lap to blink innocently at you. “You’re harder than usual today, y/n!” 
“Oh. Haha… I am, aren’t I?” You let out a breath of relief. It hadn’t occurred to you that Luffy quite possibly didn’t know about that sort of stuff; or perhaps wasn’t interested in all, seeing as he never bat an eye to the beautiful, well-endowed Boa Hancock who practically threw herself at him at every chance. 
You were absorbed in your thoughts until you felt a hand palm your hard cock roughly. 
“Luffy!” Your hips bucked upwards, nearly throwing him off your lap. “What was that for—” 
“So yours does the same thing, too. Shishi, I thought my dick was broken when I touched it and it turned hard!” 
Oh. So he had touched himself before. Guess you could save yourself from having to give ‘the talk’ to an absolute airhead. 
“Wow,” Luffy continued to squeeze and fondle your cock through the thin layer of your pants, making you bite your lip to suppress a groan. “You’re pretty big!” 
“Captain,” you snapped, finally, glaring at him as he pouted. “This isn’t appropriate.” 
“But why not?” he protested, still not releasing his death-grip on your cock. 
“This—we—aren’t in that sort of relationship.” 
Luffy simply frowned. “Do we have to be in a relationship to touch each other’s dicks?” 
“Well, no, but—” 
“Good!” 
Before he went back to straight-up kneading your poor cock, you grabbed his wrists and bound them behind his back with one hand. 
“But why?” he whined loudly, bottom lip jutting out as he stared up at you. “I want to! You gotta let me! I’m the captain!” 
You sighed. “You may be my captain, but that doesn’t mean you get to take advantage of your superiority to sexually harass me whenever you want.” 
“I’m not sensually harassing you, or whatever that is!” 
“It’s ‘sexually harass’, not sensually harass. And—why do you even want to do this in the first place? You’ve never acted like this before when you napped on me before.” 
“I just suddenly want to! What’s the matter with that?!” Luffy looked petulant, almost angry as he couldn’t get what he wanted, and he retracted one of his legs hooked around your waist to tramp on your cock. 
You let out a guttural moan at that, and Luffy’s eyes had widened visibly, as though he wanted to hear more. 
“Hey, y/n? My dick’s hard.” 
Tumblr media
“Is this what you wanted, baby?” 
Luffy’s knees were pressed into the mattress above his shoulders, making good use of his stretchiness as he shudders and whines a response beneath you. His hole is stretched perfectly around your cock, warm and wet and tight, taking you to the brim so well. 
“Y-yeah, puh—please!” he wailed desperately, raking his nails on your back as you angled your hips, thrusting up into his sweet spot. “So—so big—ah!” 
“There it is.” You grinned, hands fully wrapping around his waist to tug him back onto your cock like a ragdoll, perfectly nailing his prostate again. “Think we found it, mm?” 
Luffy nodded his head weakly, trembling all over as you railed him into the mattress with each heavy thrust, before dragging him back. “Feels really g-good! Right—right there!” 
“Here, captain?” You purposefully missed, tip of your cock barely grazing it, and he whined shamelessly. 
“No! Not there!” he moaned, shaking his head in frustration as he looked at you with pleading eyes. “Y/n, I need it s-so bad!” 
You would have never thought that Luffy was capable of such dirty talking. But right now—with your captain willingly spreading his legs for you, hole stretched wide open and insides rearranging themselves to fit your huge cock, you couldn’t even process it except for how good it felt. 
“And what’s the magic word, love?” 
“M-magic word?” He blinks at you confusedly. “I don’t know any—any magic word! I’m not—a magician, ah, silly!” 
Warmth curled in your chest at how utterly ridiculous Luffy was, and you gave a little laugh, before leaning down to kiss him. Luffy kissed you back with eagerness, biting and sucking impatiently at your lower lip. As you fucked your tongue into that pliant little mouth of his, mirroring your cock’s every thrust, he had sucked on it and moaned around it, drool spilling down the sides of his mouth as though it felt heavenly for him. 
“So full…” Luffy whimpered around your tongue, eyes rolling back in ecstasy—and you couldn’t pinpoint which hole he was referring to. 
You reeled back after a long kiss, going back to pounding into him as he whined for “harder”, for “more”, and “wanting to eat the funny liquid that comes out of your cock”. 
Your breath hitched in surprise as you realised what Luffy meant. “Want me to cum down your throat, baby? That what you want?” You could feel yourself getting closer and closer, his warm, spongy walls pulsating around you every time you pulled back, as though wanting to keep you inside forever. 
“Yes, yes—wanna, wanna know what you taste like, y/n!” he babbled mindlessly, clinging on to your shoulders as you flattened the head of your cock against his prostate, grinding hard and deliberately. “Ugh, ugh—it feels weird—” 
“Yeah? You gonna come for me, sweetheart? Fucking do it—cum on my cock, captain.” 
With the mention of his title, Luffy’s eyes squeezed shut before his head lolled back with a loud, drawn-out moan, body jerking violently and cock spurting all over his chest and abdomen. His hole clenched around you as tight as sin, and you had to hold back with all your willpower to not come on the spot. 
Luffy panted, still twitching beneath you as he raised one shaky finger, bringing it up to his face to point into his open mouth. Asking silently. 
You couldn’t believe what you were seeing, but once you got the green light, you rammed back into his twitching hole, no longer prioritising his pleasure over yours, only able to process how divine it felt to be making love to your captain. As you felt yourself getting closer and closer to your orgasm, you pulled out of his hole all of a sudden and plunged your cock into his ready, parted mouth, cumming so hard down his throat you felt yourself ascend. 
Luffy’s lips wrapped around the base of your cock, sucking hard and milking you throughout your orgasm. You groaned, low and deep, thrusting messily into tight wet heat as cum steadily dribbled down a vacuum, as though insatiable. 
You released your hold on his hair as you felt yourself go soft, staring incredulously down at a red-faced Luffy who was sucking at you as if he was trying to swallow your entire cock. 
“Luff,” you huffed, gently wiping away a line of his own cum that had somehow splattered on his collarbones. “That’s enough.” 
It was then that he finally pulled back, frantically sucking air through his mouth. “I—I couldn’t taste it,” he whined, the corners of his lips turning down unhappily. “Your cum, or whatever. I couldn’t taste it and it went down my throat!” 
Oh. Oh. 
You suppressed a laugh—because that was what he was being prissy about. Caressing his face affectionately, you went to lay down beside him. “I’m sorry. Next time I’ll just put the tip inside.” 
“It’s fine. I felt full enough.” 
Luffy had to stop dropping these one-liners that made you gape. 
“What? Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?” He looked at you, frowning with confusion. “Y’know, this almost made me as full as the banquet-thingy Sanji put together last week. There was so much yummy food! Your dick was really good, too, though—so don’t get jealous.” 
You really had to get used to the way Luffy talked—because he talked way too much and it drove you absolutely crazy. In an almost ‘too good’ way. This had to stop. 
“Luffy.” You pulled him into your arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he giggled happily. “Stop talking.”  masterlist! # luffy is such a fun character to write lol
2K notes · View notes