#you only learn to deal with more responsibilities and experiences oof

[arcadeplayer-nickonz]

silly artist celebrates their insignificant existance (my bday woo!)

[17caratssi]

Wonwoo! Will you stay

Jeon Wonwoo! First short series pt one | two | three | four Wonwoo is a new student of Sejong High. Coming from a low-status family, he always keeps himself aloof, isolated and cares less about anyone. However, his effort to lie low during the first day goes down the drain.

10th July

The chill breeze greets the morning, awaken the sleepy eyes. Cars are in the line to drop the students at the entrance. The young faces radiate with smiles as they chat about what's filled their summer holiday.

New semester and the entrance of highly anticipated new students into Sejong Elite High School.

Every year, Sejong High will take in new students in the second half. While the school only accepts kids with upper-class family backgrounds in the prefecture, the special students are usually first-class newcomers or scholarship privileged.

Everyone knows when a new student is enrolled with a scholarship. They are distinct from others who are registered under their family's status. They just know.

These smart students are the minority, and more often than not, their voices would not be heard by the higher-ups when they are bullied. It's like these few people have to walk on the icy pond. Everything is at stake.

Jeon Wonwoo is a lucky guy. He made it to the school, albeit coming from a poor family in a rural area. He has 6 siblings, and he is the oldest. The breadwinner in the house has disappointed them and left the family 2 years ago, leaving everything in Wonwoo's hands.

However, the only good thing about his father is his peculiar gene, and that's how Wonwoo ends up getting all A's despite all the external shortfalls.

He lacks time at school, and he would sleep during lectures. Having no friends, he is always a step behind the others. He makes no effort to befriend anybody, and he cares less about it.

Wonwoo walks to his class that is on the highest floor and only at the top. He learns that there's transportation, called the elevator, to bring students between the levels.

"Isn't summer just ended? Why is he sweating in this air-conditioned environment?" a girl with her friend makes a remark as they arrive at their class. The friend chuckles and scans Wonwoo and quickly realizes.

"No wonder, it's a nerdy~."

"Oof. I hope he's not our classmate," the two of them laugh girlishly.

Wonwoo listens but pays no heed to them. He continues to search for his class until he finds the match.

Damn, this stupid school is big...

Wonwoo's solitude would have him go unnoticed the whole day. As such, he uses the back door to come into the class. He looks around before he grabs a vacant chair. As he tugs the chair, the screeching sound stimulates the other's interest. Suddenly, the class gets heated up by the behaviour of the new student.

Murmurs here and there. Boys and girls are all talking about him.

There are only 3 new students; a girl from overseas, a boy whose father is a 'sangsa', and an ordinary boy who benefitted from a scholarship.

[Sangsa is a Korean military rank equivalent to an American master sergeant.]

The talk goes on for so long that Wonwoo gets sleepy from the attention he received. It's probably half an hour later, the sliding door is slammed open.

Wonwoo startles due to the loud noise made by you. He squints his eyes and watches as you walk to your desk, which is nowhere to be found. You are a new student as well.

It's normal for the new face to directly go to the back of the class, so you can instantly tell that the lonely, cute guy is a newcomer.

"You new?" You ask.

Fox is your first impression of him.

Wonwoo nods slightly. You also nod in acknowledgement and takes a chair next to him to sit. You extent a hand for a handshake but get no response from him. You take it as him being timid to new people and brush it off.

"I'm Y/N. You?"

He frowns. 10 seconds later, he speaks. "Do you talk to strangers?"

"You don't?" You ask in curiosity. "Oh, maybe cultural difference?"

Probably, but Wonwoo has no experience dealing with a girl. A bold one in specific.

"So, what's your name?"

Did she get it or not? She'll stop if I ignore her, right? Just like the others...

You don't stop looking at Wonwoo. He is handsome, and you admit that his nose is quite adorable.

"Can I touch your nose?" you ask with your finger already touching the thing.

Wonwoo's surprise look entertains you. He glares at you, and that alone makes you withdraw your finger.

"Are you dense or something?" Wonwoo comments and realizes that his accent is exposed.

You, a Korean practically spending most of her life in America, can't fathom his scolding but take in that he is angry. Sheepishly, you purse your lips and apologize. "Sorry, I sometimes act on impulse. It's just that your nose is boopable..." your voice slows down in volume in the second half.

I'm sorry, but not really...

However, Wonwoo suddenly stands up and drags his chair away from you.

Being treated that way, you impudently raised your voice, asking. "Where are you going?"

And yet, he still pretends to be deaf and shun you off.

Wonwoo settles down at the opposite corner. Noticing the non-existent desks for you and him, you voice out.

"Is there no desks for us? I thought you guys are prepared to take the new students but I guess not," your hands akimbo and lips mumbling complaint.

The whole class turns their heads to you, except Wonwoo.

"The new kid is sure cranky. It's not anyone's job to prepare you a desk," a guy in the front seat retort as he turns around.

His seatmate laughs and agrees without speaking.

The guy deliberately speaks out loud, but it seems that you don't catch at it. The former snickers and resumes playing with his phone.

Thank goodness, the desks are being delivered just before the class by the clerks. They arrange for the two desks to be placed side-by-side at the far left of the class.

You choose the left side since it's beside the window, and Wonwoo cannot help but pick the remaining. You like the positioning, but it goes for the opposing to him.

You smile as you watch Wonwoo creates a gap between their desks. He then continues to persistently act like you aren't there pestering him.

The lesson soon begins.

Actually, you find it difficult to adapt to the new environment. During the math class, you're the only one that takes out a calculator, and during the interval, it's also you who takes a nap.

It makes you pout. There's nothing to keep you excited apart from the person next to you.

You look to your right and see Wonwoo studying with his glasses on. His glasses are of the old model, but it looks good on him. You don't know why this guy just attracts your attention that you blurt out the next second.

"Hey, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

If you like this story, you might as well check out the others here !

[agendratum]

ok so

as usual after finishing an arc of mdzs my head is full, many thoughts. so let’s talk about the guanyin temple confrontation.

first thing that i kept paying attention to were actually the changes made in order to turn it into live-action. so in cql they had to make the gray-gray characters, the “there are no good or bad guys, just people and their circumstances” characters (unless you’re jgs, than yeah you’re a bad guy and everyone agrees on that actually) into slightly more black and white characters. by the end of cql we are lured into this fake sense of security, “haha, we know who the bad guy is!” (then a year passes and here you are, now a jgy apologist), by the end of mdzs, you just know that, well, decisions were made, unfortunate decisions, by many different people. 

cql had to make wwx into a bit nicer version of himself. the good protagonist couldn’t lose control and accidentally kill a bunch of people, and then kill another bunch of people fully willingly, cause his sister just died and that was the last connection he had to the idea that something still matters in this world. no, out protagonist should be... like a little bit nicer than that. so they lifted some of that responsibility for atrocities off him, but they couldn’t just evaporate it, could they? they had to put it somewhere. they put it on jgy. after all he’s the big bad in the end of the story, well, the only surviving person from all people that could be considered big bads, he’s the one that “did every terrible deed imaginable”. he could take that responsibility, they had to make his grayness into a slightly darker shade anyway.

i am actually kinda surprised by how different my reaction to jgy was in mdzs. obviously, there is a year difference between me watching cql and me reading this part of mdzs, and over that year i changed my opinion on jgy 5 thousand times and joined the camp “actually meng yao deserves all the best things in the world”, but anyway. when i was watching cql i was like, oh my god, can someone just kill him already, before he does something bad again, before more bullcrap comes out of his mouth, and also stop yelling at this kid about all the “valid” reasons to why you killed his dad. in mdzs my reaction to jgy’s confessions was like, “huh. he has a point”.

now don’t get me wrong there, some shitty things were done, but the thing is, the things he did really made sense from his point of view, from this position and life experience he really had no other way to go. i especially was convinced by his reasoning to why he couldn’t cancel his engagement with qin su. not only he would suffer from this story, because he already went through so much to make this marriage possible, but also qin su’s parents and herself would most likely suffer, their public image would be destroyed, only jgs wouldn’t lose anything. and you could feel the hatred and bitterness he felt towards his father talking about this, and everyone in the temple could agree with that, because he “just forgot he made another child”, he didn’t even notice.

another interesting detail for me was lxc saying, “it’s not that i didn’t know that you did some of these things, it’s that i thought you had a good reason for doing them”. so yeah, a reminder, lxc isn’t blind and he isn’t an idiot. he trusted a person he thought he knew better than anyone else, and he believed in this person. the problem, i think, is that “a good reason” is different for lxc and for jgy. lxc would understand a righteous reason, doing something for the greater good. working for wen ruohan? that was explainable. they all were fighting in a war, fighting for the better, brighter future, and meng yao’s contribution to that future was immeasurable. what if he killed some people there? he had a good reason in lxc’s eyes. but meng yao had other good reasons in his life, some of these reasons lxc never had to deal with in his life. survival, for example, is one of them. meng yao’s early years were very different from lxc’s. not to say that lxc’s life was easy, but it was never truly unstable. meng yao had to learn how to survive in a world where no one wanted him. he lived with one dream, promised to him by his mother, a future where he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore, where he wouldn’t have to smile at people he hated, please every one of their desires so they wouldn’t harm him. and then he entered this life promised to him and he still had to survive, but now in a luxurious man-eats-man world of lanling jin.

meng yao’s life really was this unstoppable ball of snow rolling down the mountain, and every decision he made just made the ball bigger and it would just roll faster. there is even a moment where jgy accuses lxc of being naive. lxc isn’t really naive, of course, it was said in the heat of the moment, but it is a fact that lxc was never kicked down a staircase, never had to crawl back up, and the thing is, at the bottom of the staircase, there are other good reasons to do things.

and in a way lxc understood that jgy in his position really didn’t have any other choices, he just couldn’t find peace in this mindset. he kept repeated through that part, “and yet, and yet, you shouldn’t have done that, you should have...” and he never said what exactly jgy should have done. because lxc doesn’t know. jgy doesn’t know. no one knows. what choices were better? how could he fix all that and still survive? in a way, lxc saying that reminded me of wangxian farewell in the burial mounds. when lwj asks, “you really indent to keep going like this?” and wwx, who wished, who longed for another solution, for some way out, asked him, “what else can i do? what method can i choose to resolve this, not use this technique and still protect people i want to protect?” and lwj didn’t have an answer. lxc didn’t have an answer either.

another amazing thing about guanyin temple confrontation, is that it’s very heavily wwx’s pov. most on the novel is his pov of course, but there were a loot of his thoughts in this arc. and he was rather understanding towards jgy. not in a way “i agree with every reasoning behind every decision you made” but in a way “i understand that you had your reasons, but all of them will become irrelevant really soon, they already are, because the crowd will only remember you as a son of a whore who did every terrible deed imaginable, and all the good deeds will be forgotten” 

now his thoughts on nhs, or who he suspected nhs to be, were way less nice. especially compared to live action, nhs didn’t make such an impression on me as he made through wwx’s thought process in the end of guanyin temple arc. of course, wwx is no sect leader yao, he is not the one to jump to conclusions, he just noticed that if you put some facts together, they actually start making a lot of sense, and formed a full picture. but he didn’t have any proof, so he kept it mostly to himself. yet he still thought for a moment about nhs as someone who didn’t care about collateral damage that much, who was ready to sacrifice lives of juniors, sect leaders, anyone, if it would add to jgy’s kill count and make his fall and destruction even more disastrous. not that those are not the things that happened in live action, but you know, when wwx put it all together like that in one paragraph, i really felt it. like, oof, dude it’s ROUGH. and not even jgy’s death was enough, as nhs basically admitted to stealing meng shi’s body and planning to repay jgy for what he did to nmj’s body. yikes

i mean i still support nhs in everything he does, but yikes

also side note, glad that the dead cats situation finally became clear for me. this whole year i was so confused about who left all these dead cats for juniors to find. i thought maybe xue yang did?? to lure wwx?? so apparently it was also nhs. good to know.

another detail, probably the last one my brain can generate for now, that pained me a great deal was my poor child jin ling. i already cried about some things related to him and this arc, but there was another little one in the very end here, after jgy died. jin ling realised, that there were now three people, wwx, wn and jgy, his little uncle, that were responsible for his parents’ death. people he had every right and reason to hate. all three of them. and yet he couldn’t hate any of them. he couldn’t avenge his parents, that died so long ago he couldn’t remember them, because all three people responsible for what happened, had something, some reasons, some circumstances, that made them really not the bad guys in jin ling’s life. and they all cared about him, protected him. how could he hate them? how could he not? and in this way this poor child repeats, unfortunately, his uncle’s curse. to have someone he wants to hate so much but just simply can’t. it warms my heart at least that jin ling has a much better support system than jc had when he had to live through that experience. so there is hope.

[one-piece-dumpster-fire]

Hello! Could i please have some good good pregnancy and parenting headcanons with a fem!s/o for Law, Eustass, and Zoro please? Thank you so much and have an awesome day!

Oof pregnancy and parenting headcanon make me so soft, thank you very much for this sweet request🥺! I focussed a bit more on the pregnancy part rather than the parenting tho since I've written something similiar for Kid and Law already😅 Hope what I came up with suits you, and sorry for the long wait!

How they deal with a pregnant gf and having a baby headcanon

Trafalgar Law

because of his medical knowledge and observant nature, Law actually noticed the first signs of your pregnancy even before you did

so when you finally realize that you're pregnant and go to confront him with your discovery, he's anything but surprised

"Law, I need to tell you something. I'm-"

"Pregnant? Yeah, I thought so."

he looks pretty unbothered and composed, almost as if this isn't anything new to him, but on the inside he is completely tense and filled with anxiety. A baby just doesn't fit into your pirate lives. At all. However he doesn't want to show his true feelings and possibly cause you to panic. You already got enough on your plate with all the new physical and hormonal changes you're about to go through

personally Law didn't plan on having kids, ever, but what's done is done. To make sure that this is really what you want he'd still offer you the option of an abortion, but when you decline and tell him that you want to keep the child, he accepts your decision

"Alright (Y/N), brace yourself then. A few major changes are upon us..."

everything from the beginning of your pregnancy to the date of birth is planned out by him. Law doesn't want anything to go wrong and refuses to take risks. That means you'll spend most of your time either stuck by his side or in the proximity of another member of the Heart Pirates

Bepo, Penguin and Shachi are super excited for the kid and to be uncles. They all come up with their own ideas on what they'll do with the baby once it's born, and their enthusiasm sort of puts Law at ease. This means he and you at least won't have to deal with everything by yourselves

when you actually go into labour, Law's composed facade drops for a moment and he reveals just how stressed he's been up until now

in order to properly assist you and be there for you while you're giving birth, he forces himself to imagine that this is just an ordinary operation. It's not his girlfriend having his baby, he's not about to be a father in a few minutes-

all the stress and anxiety instantly falls off of him when he first holds the new life you two created.

the first time Law looks down at his baby he's absolutely mesmerized. Sure it's still bloody and screeching its lungs out, but despite all odds it's looking completely healthy and is actually,,,, really adorable? Holy shit, how did he manage to make something so pure-looking-

after cleaning the baby and introducing it to its mother, he brings the little human over to Bepo and lets it rest in the bear's soft fur instead of wrapping it up in a blanket. Not only should that be far more comfortable for the tiny thing, but it's also the first bonding experience with uncle Bepo. And while the baby is sleeping, Law walks over to check in on you and tells you how great you did

as far as being a dad goes, Law belongs to the supportive but distant type. Whenever he's got the chance he'll try to spend time with his kid, but there are often other, more important things he has to take care of

however he's still a proud parent and lowkey hopes that the child will take an interest in his work when it gets older. It shouldn't come as a surprise that one of the first things your kid will be taught by Papa Law is how to dissect a frog

Eustass Kid

his immediate thought when you let him know that you're pregnant is "how can I make this unhappen"

look at him, Kid is not ready to be a dad. Especially when it comes to his level of maturity he's basically still a child himself-

no one on the Victoria Punk is prepared for the big news. Their captain made a baby. There will be a kid running around the ship. Oh shit, everyone better start learning to limit their use of profanities already-

initially Kid acts pretty grumpy throughout your pregnancy. He didn't want this, but it's still happening. And he can't do anything against it. He's almost acting like a pregnant woman himself-

can not and will not handle your cravings/mood swings. Whenever you start acting up he just gets completely irritated and quickly peaces out when he can't come up with a way to deal with you

but what started out as regret turns into excitement when he thinks about how awesome his kid would be. With him as dad and you as mom it's only natural that the result will be amazing

and thus he starts to be a bit more open-minded towards the whole situation. Heck, he even gets lowkey excited and starts building a few baby cribs and closets for the child!

unfortunately tho Kid is anything but compassionate during your pregnancy, and it gets especially bad when you start showing. His immature nature shines through and he makes quite a few indecent comments on how you look a balloon,,,

for some reason he also tends to be more horny than usual. Hey, you already got a bun in the oven, so there isn't anything else you need to worry about, right?

in contrast to how he treated you during your pregnancy, he's actually very supporting and motivating during birth

lmao but that's mostly because he's eagerly waiting between your legs for the kid to plop out and right into his arm like a Christmas present

it's almost like a lottery to him and he's super excited what the brat will look like

however nothing could have prepared Kid for the moment when he gets to hold the baby for the first time. The young man basically beams with pride and grins from one ear to the other while the baby cries like an alarm clock

Kid's first time holding the newborn in a nutshell:

"Hehe, it looks like we got a girl here, ey (Y/N)?"

"Kid... that's the baby's ass. You're holding it the wrong way around."

he definitely comes up with ridiculous names for the child, such as: "Eustass Explosion", "Eustass Chainsaw" and his personal favorite- "Eustass the Destroyer"

putting his excitement aside, the young pirate captain definitely has to grow into the role of a father. At first he almost treats the kid like some sort of new toy or pet

you'll never catch him changing even a single diaper. Most of the time Kid tells Killer to man up, cover the holes in his mask, and take care of it by himself if he really wants to be considered 'the best uncle'

despite his rowdy behaviour he is aware that the child is 'fragile' and usually makes sure to keep it away from any dangerous stuff, meaning that the workshop is off-limits for the little one. Kid also never uses his metal arm when he's playing with or holding the baby; instead he build a more authentic prosthetic that'll allow him to hold the child more properly

Roronoa Zoro

his eye almost pops out of its socket when you tell him

holy shit! Zoro of course knew that sex makes babies, but what are the odds of this happening to you?! Besides he always considered himself to be too controlled and restrained for that to work?! Damn?!?!

despite the initial shock he wants to do his best to help you through the pregnancy. After all he basically caused this-

however Zoro can't even find the way to the grocery store to get some diapers

someone send him help. And by help, I mean Chopper

the reindeer himself doesn't know too much about pregnancies, but he's more than happy to collect some first-hand experience and teaches Zoro all about how to be a dad and what's going on with your body

whenever you're near he keeps his swords sheathed and tucked away from you. Once your stomach starts popping he's wary that if he comes too close to you with a sharp thing you might burst or something

at night he keeps watch like a guard dog, his overprotectiveness shines through and he often refuses to go to sleep before you

you probably go into labour while he's out getting lost or fighting some marines, but once Zoro gets the news he almost drops his sword and hurries back to be with you

but he arrives almost an hour later because he got so excited that he forgot the way back to the Sunny

Zoro really wants to help you and Chopper deliver the baby. He's constantly repeating what the reindeer doc says to you and at some point, when your pain reaches its peak, he even suggets reaching down and pulling the baby out of you with his own two hands lol

but once the first cries fill the rooms, he freezes up. It's done. Those nine months of worry, mood swings, suffering and cravings are finally over. A wave of relief washes over him as he smirks down at you, quietly saying how proud he is

however Zoro strongly refuses to hold his baby at first. He's genuinely scared he might drop it or accidentally crush it.

you and Chopper basically have to yell at him to get him out of his trance and convince the new father to take a look at his child

"Zoro, I did not go through hours of pain just so you can say no to holding our baby. For crying out loud, take your child!"

the second you put the baby into his arms Zoro's protective dad instincts kick in and now he refuses to let the child go again lmao

he's mustering the little one's face like some abstract oil painting, unable to tear his gaze from it and proudly recognizing all the similarities between the baby and its parents

luckily Zoro got some natural dad skills under his belt, and you both share the responsibilities evenly

he's never opposed to changing diapers or feeding the baby, even if the first annoys him sometimes. He also keeps the baby around himself 24/7- during workouts he puts it onto his back, when he wanders around the little one sits on his shoulders, and when he takes a nap on the desk the baby lies on his chest

all of the other Strawhats are more than welcome to take care of the baby from time to time and bond with the newest family crewmember to their heart's content. Well, that goes for everyone except Sanji. You better not let Zoro catch him handling the baby or a fight will break out-

[theartofdreaming1]

Slightly paraphrased, but Peeta talking about that moment he developed his crush on Katniss is just too sweet 😊

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and random thoughts on chapters 22-24 are below the cut (sprinkled in some psychology thoughts again).

heart

Honestly, I think the people in Panem would perceive the whole everlark storyline the same way we perceive and react to our ships on tv (desperately wanting to reach through the screen, shoving the characters forcefully together, screaming “And now, kiss!”); especially the Capitolites who barely recognize the tributes (or people in the districts, in general) as people. The people in the districts would definitely view the whole thing more under a “reality tv” kind of lens, questioning how much of the relationship is real or not (we know that Finnick certainly thought that the entire thing was just a spiel, until Peeta hit that forcefield). The time spent in the cave must have been pretty convincing, though.

mind

I think that Katniss is still torn here - On the one hand, she kind of wants to believe that Peeta is actually into her (remember the happiness she felt when Peeta told her how his crush on her began, and it all added up and seemed so real), but on the other hand she’s terrified of that possibility because A) lingering trauma from her mom’s depression in response the Mr. Everdeen’s death, B) Katniss never even considered falling in love, so that’s a sudden unexpected thing to deal with, and C) maybe it’s just for the sake of the Games; and wouldn’t that hurt, getting your hopes up only to learn it was only for show? (How about we ask Peeta about that?)

soul

Yeah, that quote about Peeta only eating stale bread also struck me as quite sad. It just further adds to his understanding how there should be more to life than just survival, though. (One day, I’ll make that post about Peeta, Katniss, and Maslow’s pyramid of needs, I swear! I’ve already gathered some research material)

Chapter 22

My mother’s hand strokes my cheek and I don’t push it away as I would in wakefulness, never wanting her to know how much I crave that gentle touch. How much I miss her even though I still don’t trust her. - Ugh, I can’t... Katniss misses her mom, misses being cared for😢 I’m so glad we’re going to see her patch up her relationship with her mom in CF... On a different note, Katniss craving that gentle touch just perfectly illustrates why she’s so drawn to Peeta, who is generally such a gentle soul (I mean, he’s literally the person stroking her cheek here 😊)

He [Peeta] doesn’t seem angry about my tricking him, drugging him, and running off to the feast. Maybe I’m just too beat-up and I’ll hear about it later when I’m stronger. But for the moment, he’s all gentleness. - As I was saying... 😉

“I’ll go hunting soon,” I say. “Not too soon, all right?” he says. “You just let me take care of you for a while.” - I love them so much😊🥰 And then Peeta makes sure she’s well-fed and hydrated, he rubs her cold feet and tucks her into the sleeping back... and she let’s him! 💗

“He [Thresh] let you go because he didn’t want to owe you anything?” asks Peeta in disbelief. “Yes. I don’t expect you to understand it. You’ve always had enough. But if you’d lived in the Seam, I wouldn’t have to explain,” I say. “And don’t try. Obviously I’m too dim to get it,” he says. - Oof. This exchange here is interesting in many ways: 1) it highlights their different experiences, tied to their different socioeconomic backgrounds, basically, and 2)  that Katniss is very much aware of this difference, but we also see hints of her own ignorance here - because Peeta didn’t have to starve in his childhood, she thinks that he can’t possibly understand this level of hardship; but there are other ways in which one can suffer/lack fundamental needs, which brings us to 3) Peeta’s response about being “obviously too dim to get it”; I think this is a clue to his mom being also verbally abusive towards him: she called him “stupid creature” when he burnt those loaves of bread for Katniss and when he’s losing it in the attic of the Justice Building in D11 in CF he is mad that Katniss and Haymitch keep things from him “like [he’s] too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them”, which - to me - sounds like he’s tired of being treated that way (i.e. the way his mother treats him)

“I want to go home, Peeta,” I say plaintively, like a a small child. - God, this is a teenager in a murder-arena who feels like wanting to go home is a childish notion instead of a totally legitimate wish for anyone in that situation, regardless of age 😢

It’s not that Peeta’s soft exactly, and he’s proved he’s not a coward. But there are things you don’t question too much, I guess, when your home always smells like baking bread, whereas Gale questions everything. What would Peeta think of the irreverent banter that passes between us as we break the law each day? Would it shock him? The things we say about Panem? Gale’s tirades against the Capitol? - Geez, Katniss, give Peeta some credit here! A) It’s not like Peeta can walk around District 12 talking publicly about the injustices happening there - she and Peeta hadn’t even talked with each other before the reaping, whereas Gale is her best friend who rants to her while they are outside the confines of D12 and B) Peeta is literally the one who introduced the whole “not a piece in their Games”-idea to her; why would he be clutching his pearls over Katniss and Gale’s irreverent banter?! Just because Peeta didn’t live on the brink of starvation (she again brings up how his house smells like bread and - at this point - still thinks that the family running the bakery actually gets to eat what they produce just like that), doesn’t mean he doesn’t see how shitty life in D12 is - he can still want better conditions for those who are worse off than him!

“I did do the right thing,” I say. “No! Just don’t, Katniss!” His grip tightens, hurting my hand, and there’s real anger in his voice. “Don’t die for me. You won’t be doing me any favors. All right?” - Well, we’ll see this song and dance again in CF...

And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don’t want him to die. [...] And it’s not about what will happen back home. And it’s not just that I don’t want to be alone. It’s him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread.” - I wish CF Katniss would remember this moment when she is questioning her motives about saving Peeta’s life in the arena - You. Care. For. This. Boy! You. Value. Him. For. Who. He. Is!!!

This is the first kiss that we’re both fully aware of. [...] This is the first kiss where I actually feel stirring inside my chest. Warm and curious. This is the first kiss that makes me want another. - Whoo! Is it hot in here or is it just me? 😉

I’m struck by his immediacy now. As we settle in, he pulls my head down to use his arm as a pillow; the other rests protectively over me even when he goes to sleep. No one has held me like this in such a long time. Since my father died and I stopped trusting my mother, no one else’s arms have made me feel this safe. - He makes her feel safe in a murder-arena!!! 😭 This is the kind of stuff that makes everlark just a top tier romance, tbh

Peeta telling Katniss about his crush starting on their first day of school 🥰😭 - and her reaction to it... For a moment, I’m almost foolishly happy - yes, because you have a crush on him, too! - and then confusion sweeps over me. Because we’re supposed to be making up this stuff [...] So, if those details are true... could it all be true? - YESSSSSSSS!!!

“You have a... remarkable memory, “ I say haltingly. - as a severely socially awkward person... I felt that lame response in my bones 😅

“You don’t have much competition anywhere.” And this time, it’s me who leans in. - God, this would be such an amazing moment if it didn’t get tainted by that immediate sponsor gift, which just serves to muddle Katniss’s feelings with her sense of survival, further complicating her relationship with Peeta... *sigh* 

Chapter 23

“What was that you were saying just before the food arrived? Something about me... no competition... best thing that ever happened to you...” “I don’t remember that last part,” I say, hoping it’s too dim in here for the cameras to pick up my blush. “Oh, that’s right. That’s what I was thinking,” he says. - Peeta is the master of being a cheeky little shit and adorable flirt at the same time

“So, since we were five, you never even noticed any other girls?” I ask him. “No, I noticed just about every girl, but none of them made a lasting impression but you,” he says. - I appreciate that while Peeta has had a crush on Katniss forever, he clearly didn’t spend the entire time pining after her, oblivious to the rest of the world - he has a life outside of Katniss Everdeen, but ultimately, it all lead back to her

A disturbing thought hits me. “But then, our only neighbor will be Haymitch!” “Ah, that’ll be nice,” says Peeta, tightening his arms around me. “You and me and Haymitch. Very cozy. Picnics, birthdays, long winter nights around the fire retelling old Hunger Games tales.” “I told you, he hates me!” I say, but I can’t help laughing at the image of Haymitch becoming my new pal. - Laugh all you want, this is going to end up being your future anyway 😄

He [Haymitch]’s at something of a disadvantage because most mentors have a partner, another victor to help them whereas Haymitch has to bready to go into action at any moment. Kind of like me when I was alone in the arena. I wonder how he’s holding up, with the drinking, the attention, and the stress of tring to keep us alive. - Katniss is already worrying about her “new pal”, I see ;)

Maybe he [Haymitch] wasn’t always a drunk. Maybe, in the beginning, he tried to help the tributes. But then it got unbearable. It must be hell to mentor two kids and then watch them die. - Honestly, that sounds absolutely awful...

Poor, Katniss, when she learns of Thresh’s death :( - But no one will understand my sorrow at Thresh’s murder. - It’s horrible how compassion and basic human decency gets construed as ‘weakness’ in the world of Hunger Games (esp. the Capitol)

Then I escape into sleep, comforted by a full belly and the steady warmth of Peeta beside me. - Honestly, I think a word analysis of THG-series could be interesting; how often does Katniss mention “warmth”, “steady/steadiness” “safe/safety/security” in connection with “Peeta”?

“We make a goat cheese and apple tart at the bakery,” he says. “Bet that’s expensive,” I say. “Too expensive for my family to eat. Unless it’s gone very stale. Of course, practically everything we eat is stale,” says Peeta [...] Huh. I always assumed the shopkeepers live a soft life. And it’s true, Peeta has always had enough to eat. But there’s something kind of depressing about living your life on stale bread - Katniss is starting to realize that the lives of the merchants isn’t a cushy as she thought; also, in a way, we see a “prettier” version of how Panem treats the districts overall -> feeding the districts just enough that they can do their work (plus/minus a couple of people who’ll die of starvation, but at a small, for Capitolites insignificant margin), but not so much that they are in good shape to rebel; here, the merchants of D12 have just enough that they can live a “decent” life (they know it could be worse -> the Seam), but they don’t have enough to live a free, comfortable, self-determined life either. This also just further drives a wedge between the inhabitants of D12 (the merchants won’t want to rebel because they don’t want to get ‘demoted’ in their lifestyle, starving like the people from the Seam, and the Seam folk feel resentful towards the merchant people, while also not having the resources to rebel, due to their awful socioeconomic conditions)

What would be my life like on a daily basis? Most of it has been consumed with the acquisition of food. Take that away and I’m not really sure who I am, what my identity is. - It’s so sad who Katniss has been so consumed with ensuring that her most base needs are fulfilled that she barely has had the time to really figure out who she is and what she wants from life (If we’re talking Maslow’s pyramid of needs, Katniss would primarily be stuck on the lowest tier 😢)

At least, we’ll be friends, I think. Nothing will change the fact that we’ve saved each other’s lives in here. And beyond that, he will always be the boy with the bread. Good friends. - Honestly, Katniss counting on being good friends with Peeta after the Games is the highest honor she can bestow on him at that moment (she’s so into him, lol); of course, knowing that their relationship is going to be a bit rocky once they’ve come back makes this thought a little sad... but we also know they’ll make up (and out ;) in the future

Peeta licking his plate and blowing a kiss out to Effie is such an adorable goofball-moment 😊

I cover his mouth with my hand, but I’m laughing. “Stop! Cato could be right outside our cave.” He grabs my hand away. “What do I care? I’ve got you to protect me now,” says Peeta, pulling me to him. - This moment would be so cute (also, Peeta’s so confident in Katniss’s skills to protect him, which is adorable - toxic masculinity who?) but... Ugh, he’s just so giddy here, it kind of breaks my heart for when he learns later that (at least some) of Katniss’s reactions were just for show

“If we want food, we better head back up to my old hunting grounds,” I say. “Your call, Just tell me what you need me to do,” Peeta says. - Love how Peeta’s always ready to follow Katniss’s lead :)

Ideally, I’d dump Peeta now with some simple root-gathering chore and go hunt [...] “Katniss,” he says. “We need to split up. I know I’m chasing away the game.” [...] “Show me some plants to gather and that way we’ll both be useful.” - Teamwork! If it weren’t for Katniss worrying for Peeta’s safety, they’d be on the same page here

“What if you climbed up in a tree and acted as a lookout while I haunted?” I say, trying to make it sound like very important work. “What if you show me what’s edible around here and go get us some meat?” he says, mimicking my tone. - I really like how Peeta’s challenges Katniss here; he doesn’t just go along with everything she says, while still being quite reasonable

I feel like I’m eleven, again, tethered not to the safety of the fence but to Peeta, allowing myself twenty, maybe thirty yards of hunting space. [...] I allow myself to drift farther away, and soon have two rabbits and a fat squirrel to show for it. - I don’t know, but Katniss feeling tethered to Peeta makes me think of Mary Ainsworth’s attachment theory, according to which children with a secure attachment to their primary caregiver use  their “attachment figure as a safe base to explore the environment”... Of course, Ainsworth’s Strange Situation was conducted with young children, but attachment styles are supposed to influence the relationships we form with people in our later lives as well (including romantic relationships)... I dunno, just a random association that popped into my brain 😅

Chapter 24

Peeta’s a whiz with fires, coaxing a blaze out of the damp wood. - Heh, Peeta sure knows how to handle fire, huh, Katniss (or should I say: Girl on Fire?) 😏

I order him into the sleeping bag and set aside the rest of his food for him when he wakes. He drops off immediately. I pull the sleeping bag up to his chin and kiss his forehead, not for the audience, but for me. Because I’m so greateful that he’s still here, not dead by the stream as I’d thought.  - Aww, this is so sweet (and domestic)!

It’s funny. I feel almost as if it’s the first day of the Games again. That I’m in the same position. [...] But no, there’s the boy waiting beside me. I feel his arms wrap around me. - They are a team! Katniss doesn’t have to face the horrors of the Games alone anymore! It keeps boiling down to this.

[sharkmobster]

So whats you’re interpretation on Funtime Foxy? We have the awkward sibling dynamic of Michael and Baby, the slight animosity of FF and the “cold but a little trusting” thing with Ballora. But I don’t think we’ve gotten anything on the Fox yet??

*cracks my knuckles* I GET TO TALK ABOUT FUNTIME FOXY YEYYEYEYEYE

ok so my interpretation of Funtime Foxy is that he (i like to think that ft foxy goes by he/they but gets misgendered by the hand unit.......... like a lot....... remind me to talk about ft foxy and circus baby and how they both struggle with the gender binary or lack of gender binary lakdjsf) tends to be a loner. Which is definitely not at all like the animal they’re based on. They’re incredibly distrusting of Michael and tend to isolate themselves away from the others as well. Hiding away in a room that’s away from everyone, ala the original Foxy and his Pirate Cove.

Whereas Ft Freddy didn’t trust Michael at first but still interacted with him in some kinda way (albeit in very mean ways alkjdf) Ft Foxy did the exact opposite which was to hide away and all out ignore him. He’s not outwardly violent or aggressive towards Michael but they make it well known that they want nothing to do with him. Obviously, Michael has nothing to do with their imprisonment (still kinda running with the theme of michael dealing with the fallout of his father’s actions but taking the responsibility of it all onto his shoulders anyway) but he shows a clear distaste and distrust towards humans in general, even if Michael is the only human they really only interact with. Michael and Ft Foxy’s relationship can be described as incredibly strained. 

I kinda characterize Foxy as being a bit of a hypochondriac, incredibly aware of the idea of mortality and that even tho they’re technically immune to death they’re still susceptible to breaking down or damaging their A.I. in a way that could ‘kill’ them. Foxy has killed before so they’re at least aware of the natural human fear of death. It’s imprinted into their A.I. in a way that the others didn’t experience. Whichhhh means that the first few months for him were incredibly hell-ish bc some days he experienced a twitch/glitch in the servos of their limb but couldn’t bring themself to ask for help from the others (and especially not Michael). Ft Freddy eventually forced his way into his space (which is a big problem that ft freddy has: his lack of respect for everyone’s personal and emotional space) and dragged him out of his safe space only to force Michael and Ft foxy into an uncomfortable situation that they have to follow through with bc ft freddy’s impatient nature. michael does run maintenance on ft foxy but only when ft foxy gives the okay to do so (showing that michael respects their boundaries) 

 Ft foxy experiences anxiety and ptsd (once again, another thing that michael has in common with a funtime) but he’s not sure how to cope with it in a healthy way. Because how could he know? Michael’s not even really sure how to cope with his own, yet he knows when he’s falling into a spiral, something that ft foxy can’t recognize. I feel like im getting super rambly cause im trying to explain how ft foxy ticks as well as how he and michael interact and how they eventually come to terms with each other but alsdjfk i ended up getting super into overexplaining asldfkj. but ok ok anyway michael isn’t necessarily the therapist friend to ft foxy it’s more like they both find value in each other and their similarities, like their fear of death and their need to isolate when it gets too bad. it’s more like they both end up becoming more comfortable with their trauma (which im now realizing is a term that i love to sling around when talking about these guys but damnit i call em like i see em and they all experienced some kinda trauma and hurt from what they all had to go through and that’s thtat on that) and therefore more comfortable with each other. there’s a lot of healing in this au which is what i sought out to do with this story, to explore the possible trauma that they all could face and working through it  and maybe im projecting but we don’t have time to unpack all that. and i think that’s incredibly transparent in how i frame ft freddy and ft foxy’s relationship with michael.

in summary: michael and ft foxy learn to coexist with each other through patience and understanding of each other’s boundaries (which ft foxy does learn to respect michael and essentially learns michael’s own boundaries. making him like...one of the first funtimes to actually respect michael’s personal/emotional space which can’t be said for the others since most of the others do have striking and blunt personalities that don’t allow for coddling. which is something michael very much appreciates). They do become close but more in the emotional sense since ft foxy isn’t as physical with affection like ft freddy is. when ft freddy likes you he reminds you of that everyday often using physical reassurance to voice this to you. Ft foxy leaves lil trinkets on your bed and does thoughtful things like setting his alarm clock for work when michael stays up too late and forgets to set it himself, or attempting to get michael to eat when he’s too involved in a personal project. just little things like that. and oof ok i rambled way too long and it’s late and i have no idea if this is legible but im posting this anyway so i hope it’s easy to understand!

[kiranxrys]

hmm... ds9 characters by which kate bush song i think they are:

julian - the man with the child in his eyes

kira - hounds of love

jadzia - jig of life

ezri - cloudbusting

garak - waking the witch

sisko - hello earth

miles - this woman’s work

worf - army dreamers

nog - running up that hill

jake - breathing

odo - suspended in gaffa

quark - wuthering heights

and actually you know what not that anyone cares but over 1000 words of ridiculous over-analyzing explanations under the cut bc i feel like it

julian - the man with the child in his eyes

bush wrote the song about a man in whom a younger protagonist notices a youthful quality, a sort of childlike awe for the world. this really speaks to me about julian’s character, who seems to repress this side of himself throughout the show in order to earn the respect of others. to me he really is “the man with the child in his eyes”. it’s also a very sweet and loving song that reflects the way i feel about his character. 

kira - hounds of love

hounds of love definitely has a more romantic leaning, filled with a girl’s story from uncertainty about love to embracing it joyfully. analyzing this from kira’s perspective, though, to me this might be more of a story about her uncertainty with vulnerability, “what was following [her]” that she was “hiding from” being her trauma and her past. the song is upbeat and gives the sense of entering a new, exciting world filled with possibility. that’s kira’s path of recovery starting from the beginning of the story to me. particularly bush’s final cries of “i need love” ring true for me for kira. she is entirely mature and strong and experienced at the start of ds9. her journey is about learning to let go.

jadzia - jig of life

jadzia’s bush song being jig of life is a bit ironic, in a sense, as jig of life is about survival. jig of life is about fighting to let your future self live even when the present seems hopeless. maybe that’s what makes it so powerful to me as a song for jadzia. the song describes the future life and children she never got to have (or maybe did, depending on your AU ideas). the desperate cry of jig of life’s protagonist’s future self “never, never, never, never, never let me go! [...] let me live!”, as well as the song’s exploration of time and different versions of oneself really speaks to me for jadzia’s character. 

ezri - cloudbusting

what initially drew me to this song in ezri’s regard was its strange optimism given the subject matter. without getting into the historical specifics, bush wrote the song from the perspective of the son of a psychoanalyst, exploring the memories of his eccentric and troubled father. looking more closely, i would say the concept of having someone else “here in my head” connects to her struggles with becoming joined to the dax symbiot. i like the idea how “everytime it rains” (every time things get dark) that voice is there for her “like the sun coming out”. the declaration “i just know that something good is going to happen” rings true for me for ezri. 

garak - waking the witch

waking the witch is one of bush’s weirder songs, it’s very disjointed and confused in a striking kind of way, a stage in bush’s story of a girl drowning and lost at sea. the protagonist in waking the witch is this girl who, in a strange hallucination, finds herself on trial for witchcraft. the song deals with guilt and innocence as a threatening, demonic voice presses the protagonist for a confession. several key emotions connect this song with garak for me - guilt, paranoia, fear, hopelessness as she finds “a stone around [her] leg” that drags her down. “i question your innocence”, the voice tells her. “guilty, guilty, guilty!” declare the court. “well, are you responsible for your actions?” the voice asks. meanwhile the protagonist pleads (“bless me father for i have sinned” - perhaps a connection to tain, “help me, help me baby, talk to me, talk to me, please talk to me” - this terrified desperation reminds me of garak in his darkest moments). waking the witch to me represents garak’s inner turmoil and sense of guilt.

sisko - hello earth

oof, hello earth. this song is a true masterpiece. like waking the witch and jig of life, it’s a part of the story of the drowning girl. hello earth is towards the end of the story, as she struggles to survive. the awe for the world and the sense of detachment between the protagonist and her physical universe in the song reminds me of sisko’s connection to the prophets. he “[watches] storms start to form over” his country (in this case, ds9, bajor, the alpha quadrant) but “can’t do anything, just watch them swing with the wind out to sea”. when voices demand of the protagonist to “get out of the waves, get out of the water”, to me that is benjamin’s loved ones pleading with him  to return from the figurative world of the prophets. “murderer! murderer of calm!” voices accuse. i interpret this as sisko’s guilt over the regrettable things he has had do over the years, such as the events of in the pale moonlight. the song ends with a phrase, spoken by bush in german - “deeper, deeper, somewhere in the depth there is light”. sisko has this determined optimism, this conviction in what he stands for and what he can achieve. 

miles - this woman’s work

this woman’s work is a song in which a husband fears for his wife as she gives birth to their baby, looking back on their time together and finding regret. you can see the connection here. but while the idea of “i know you have a little life in you yet, i know you have a lot of strength left” can be read as being directed at keiko, i think it can also apply to miles himself. it may be a bit of a joke, but christ, miles has gone through the most - ��hard time’, especially, comes to mind. even before the dominion war, he’s been through horrific conflict, but he still holds on and keeps fighting with his determined attitude. he’s a repressed person. “[he] should be crying but [he] just can’t let it show”. he’s still clinging to life, even after all this time. 

worf - army dreamers

army dreamers is a war song. it’s also a war song about a younger soldier, told from the perspective of his mother, who has died. she imagines what her son could’ve been, wondering what she could’ve done to save him from this fate. on one hand, this does connect for me to worf’s continuous ‘loss’ (of both people and things) throughout his time in both tng and ds9. but i think in a way worf also is, or is afraid of being, the young soldier in the story. army dreamers connects to klingon warriorship and the horrific loss of war - “oh, what a waste of all them army dreamers”. of any kate bush song, this was the one in which i felt him the most. 

nog - running up that hill

god, running up that hill. truly peak kate bush. there’s a lot here that i connect to nog. first of all, running up that hill is a song that carries so much weight, seems to touch upon themes of great burdens and struggles, something nog certainly experiences. but bush’s intended meaning with the song was a reflection upon how people from different groups (here men and women) struggle to understand each other, and if only they could “get [god] to swap [their] places”. this speaks to me of nog’s experience as a ferengi, the first ferengi in starfleet. if only those around him could understand him better - this goes both for being ferengi and for being traumatized - he would be running up that hill “with no problems”. 

jake - breathing

breathing is one of my favourite bush songs of all time. it’s a true masterpiece. here she takes on the persona of a baby in its mother’s womb, aware of a world outside that has descended into nuclear destruction and the horrors former generations have inflicted upon the earth. jake is the face of the next generation in ds9, growing from child to adult, but if the dominion war goes wrong, what world will he be left with by those who came before? at the end of breathing, bush’s protagonist, joined by other voices, desperately pleads with those above -  “oh, god, please leave us something to breathe!”. i connect this song to jake’s place as this next generation, as well as (unlike nog) an outsider in the war. 

odo - suspended in gaffa

i deliberated for a long time about which kate bush song could fit odo’s story. i chose suspended in gaffa because it explores a concept of experiencing something wondrous (in this case, witnessing god) and then not being able to experience it again, trapped by one’s unworthiness. the song’s protagonist is desperate to be rewarded - “can i have it all now?” i connect this with odo’s intrinsic desire and struggle to experience the great link, to be with his people, as well as other aspects like to be accepted by others and at peace with himself. 

quark - wuthering heights

yeah.

[ablednt]

The Oof Side of having RSD

Long post I know but this stuff is important cause sometimes being ND and mentally ill cam be ugly and hard too and that needs to be talked about too.

Most of this I think is more prevalent in people who don't know they're ND so if anyone is relating to this even if NT then you're fully encouraged to reblog

Fixating on individual people as the Valid Person in your life. They are the Authority. You Have to please THIS one person at any time. You probably won't realize that you're idolizing them cause normally it's a friend or mutual so you think oh it's just that they're so much cooler than me. You start to try and find excuses to talk to them more because you Just. Need to talk to them (about anything! You just need to be in their presence!) for reasons you don't really understand yourself. This causes you to become hyperaware of their behavior and words so you can fine tune yourself to fit this persons standards for a good person. (This, as far as I know, can also be a bpd experience but I don't have bpd so I don't know where the overlap ends) This can also be multiple people but usually it boils down to one or two people. You start to base your self worth on their mannerisms and ability to validate you and so you feel bad talking to them now but you keep doing it til they eventually can't cope with it and leave and you don't know what to do from there and you feel sick and betrayed somehow.

Lashing out at others to "get back at them" for perceived rejection. This is a sentiment I think ties into how passive aggression is glorified in our current society and seen as really cool or whatever. Anyway I'm talking about (as an example from my intrusive thoughts recently I ignored) stuff like "No one responded to me on my discord so I'm deleting this channel/the message" and shit like that. It's like. Instead of self care you think you will feel better or be standing up for yourself if you do something to "punish" whoever made you upset. Not only is this a bad mindset to have in general but a lot of the time people haven't done anything seriously wrong but rsd is making you feel like shit so you think it must be their fault cause it's not like you know you have rsd.

Feeling like you always have to be on the defense or offense. Now this one is a bit tricky cause on one hand, personally, when people have accused me of this they were also incredibly toxic and attempting to shut me up entirely but on the other I have gotten into these unhealthy behaviors before so try and think individual situations through thoroughly to try and examine whether or not your reactions were reasonable given the context and your current state of being. But with this kinda stuff I'm talking about when you think someone might be mad at you over a disagreement or some other reason and you feel the urge to make yourself pityable to avoid any perceived rejection (as an example from my past "Sorry if that was argumentative, my dad always made every thing into a debate and I don't know how to act normally"). Or to lash out by going on the offense. Normally this isn't an intentional behavior it's instinctual because those are two survival responses to feeling like you're about to be hurt. The problem comes in when you have rsd because perceived rejection is everywhere so you will constantly be in that flight or fight mindset unless you learn to keep these reactions in check.

Self depreciation. This one ties into the last one in that it's a type of survival response. If you beat anyone to demeaning yourself then maybe they'll accept you. This is also something that's glorified currently as it's seen as funny and cool. While it's good to recognize imperfections and embrace them I'm talking about mindsets of "lol I'm trash! I'm ugly lmao! I'm a bitch ik lmao" and for unknowingly hyperverbal or adhd folks it tends to be "I know I talk too much when will I shut up lmao" and varients. Basically, its a mindset of "well everyone wants to hurt me, if I want to hurt myself then we have something in common, everyone's happy." That's a subconscious mindset but it leads to toxic friendships (sometimes on both sides sometimes just on the other persons) and a lot of hurt in the long run for others too but especially for you.

What all of these behaviors boil down to is this: When you're ND and/or mentally ill you grow up feeling less than everyone else, feeling broken and undesirable. That's no way to live so to survive your brain starts looking for validation anywhere and everywhere with all the desperation of looking for water in the middle of a desert. But the problem is that the wounds from this stuff are now so deep and fundemental to your development that while support can and will help you, you first have to work on unlearning the ableism and self hate. The only person who you're really trying to prove anything to is yourself.

When I was 17 a friend expressed that I might be autistic and around the same time I learned about my ADHD and I had been exhibiting all these behaviors. I felt relieved because I was realizing that these things were survival instincts, that I wasn't simply a failure or unable to hold relationships. I absolutely hated myself that time of my life and I have had my ups and downs since then but because I knew now it was a result of being marginalized and not my own worth I began to work on self love and now these behaviors are just intrusive thoughts I deal with normally.

It CAN get better, you aren't undeserving of healing or forgiveness, and you deserve to be able to look back one day and realize that you love yourself and You're imperfect and messy but you at least feel in control of yourself. Leaving that fight and flight mode and learning to regulate your emotions is hard but it's one of the most freeing things I've experienced thus far in my life.

Anyway that was long sorry but hopefully it's helpful and if anyone needs help or wants to talk my inbox is always open <3

[celestiababie]

Yeosang NSFW Alphabet A-Z

(finally ffs) 

A= Aftercare (What they do/act like after sex)

 He’s a god at aftercare. He’s incredibly caring and would want to take care of you as much as he could, even if sex with him wasn’t intense. He’d always offer to give you a shower, glass of water, and sing you to sleep. If you ask, he’ll deliver happily.

B= Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

 On himself, he loves his hands the most, he adores how he can run his hands over your body, and you’d have an instant reaction to his touch. The feeling of your skin against his fingers would be something he’d never get over. On your body, he’d actually love your hands, he loves touching you, and he loves being touched by you. Whenever you trailed your hands down his body, he’d get tingles and shudder at the feeling. This would also mean that he’s quite the fan of handjobs, sksksksk.

C= Cum (Anything to do with cum… I’m a disgusting person)

 This one is hard for me to decide on...I feel like he’d be too respectful to cum on your chest or face without asking, and he’d also find it to be too messy. He’d most likely prefer to either cum inside of you or cum on your heat. The sight of his climax glistening on your hole would be mesmerizing to him.

D= Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

 As much as Yeosang is amazing at taking care of you and puts others first, he’s fantasized about you taking more control/babying him inside of the bedroom. He thinks it would be a nice change of things, but he’s too shy to address this fantasy of his. Yeosang shy boi 2k19.

E= Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

 Yeosang is one of the members who I believe has the least amount of experience, but this doesn’t mean he can’t learn. He’s very observant and after a few tries, he’d memorize the things that made you have a better reaction and focus on those things. Give him a bit of time and sex with him will be guaranteed pleasure.

F= Favorite position (This goes without saying)

 Missionary, it’s a bit basic, but it allows him to keep eye contact with you, and it allows him to touch you as much as he wants. He prefers this position for the intimacy of it and loves the fact that you can touch him. He especially loves when you grasp his shoulders and pull his body closer to yours.

G= Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Or are they more humorous?)

 He’s not goofy, but there is a lightheartedness to the intimate moments you share together. Sometimes he’d giggle at what he thought was a cute facial expression from you or playfully nibble on your ear. He’d still be intimate but in a loving yet playful way.

H= Hair (How well-groomed are they?)

 Yeosang is...somewhat groomed. He’s not the cleanest, but he doesn’t have a forest down there either. He trims so it’s manageable, but it’s not something he’s too worried about. 

I= Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

 He’s very very VERY intimate. He’ll constantly say how amazing you are, how much he loves you and how good you feel around him. He is the definition of a soft boy and no one can convince me otherwise. Yeosang would definitely be the type to try and make sex even more romantic by lighting a few candles for “mood lighting”. 

J= Jack off (Masturbation)

 Not that often even before you two got together. If he felt horny, sure, he’d pleasure himself, but his first thought would always be you. Sometimes even if he’s needy and you’re not around, he’d just ignore the feeling and let himself cool down. He prefers your hand over his.

K= Kinks (One or more of their kinks)

 He’s more on the vanilla side, but he has a thing for praise, both giving and receiving. He likes to shower you in compliments throughout sex even though he’s usually not very talkative and hearing praise from you would make his heart swell. He also has a thing for you jerking him off, he loves the feeling of your hand wrapped his cock. He’d let out the cutest moans and place his hand over yours to guide the pace. Yeosang would find it sexy if you licked his cum that spilled onto your fingers. I’m disgusting oof. 

L= Location (Favorite places to do the do)

 Prefers the bedroom, he thinks it’s the most comfortable, and there’s less risk of getting caught while you two have sex. Yeosang would be pretty embarrassed if anyone walked in on him rolling his hips inside of you. 

M= Motivation (What turns them on?)

 He’s not one to get easily turned on, but he is easily flustered, so you making sexual comments or jokes would make him imagine certain things and then get him needy for you. He’d also get a bit aroused if you rubbed his thigh since you were touching him close to his crotch. 

N= NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

 ANYTHING TO DO WITH PAIN, HURTING YOU, BLOOD AND ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR IS A BIG NO FOR HIM. He’s a soft boy who doesn’t want to hurt you at all, the mere thought of it would make this poor baby feel bad. If you really wanted him to, he could try, but he wouldn’t enjoy it at all.

O= Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

 He’d prefer your hand over your mouth, but he wouldn’t pass it up by any means. He’s pretty good at giving you head, he’s amazing with his tongue, the combination of that and the fact that he’s very caring leads to him wanting to make you cum as much as he possibly can. He’s great at studying your responses when he flicks his tongue a certain way or kisses your heat. Overall, he’s amazing at giving head, but we all could have guessed that.

P= Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

 He’s on the slower side and he loves rolling his hips inside of you rather than full-on thrusting. He keeps a steady pace and rarely uses hard thrusts/roughness on you...well maybe if he's jealous.

Q= Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex and how often?)

Not a fan of them, it doesn't allow him to take his time and he prefers going slow rather than rushing. He'd rather wait for a time that you both can have sex properly.

 R= Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks?)

He'd only experiment if you brought it up. He'd be a little hesitant to try new things, but if he could sense that you really wanted to try something, he'd be willing to do it for you. He's found out he likes a few things that he never thought he'd be into.

 S= Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

He doesn't waste a whole lot of energy during sex since he doesn't go fast or hard. He can probably last for hours if he really wanted to and he can go for multiple rounds. Even if sex with Yeosang doesn't take too much on your body in one round, you'll be tired by the end of the night from how many times he wants you to cum.

 T= Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them?)

Yeosang would be confused if he ever found a toy of yours, he'd be hesitant to ask you about it since he was embarrassed that he was somewhat confused. After researching it a bit on his own, he'd be intrigued since toys could heighten your pleasure, but he still wouldn't talk about it.

 U= Unfair  (How much do they like to tease?)

He can get unfair sometimes and one of his favorite things to do is tease you for getting aroused from the slightest of touches. He doesn't mind you teasing him back and he has enough patience to deal with it.

 V= Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

Yeosang isn't very loud even if your heat gives him the most pleasure he's ever felt. He'll let out soft moans and pant in your ear. If he felt that he was getting louder than what he was comfortable with, he'd hide his face in the crook of your neck and kiss your skin.

 W= Wild Card (Random headcanon)

"Baby, are you sure you want to do this?" You stroked Yeosang's hair as he stared at the blindfold that was laid on the bed.

You had suggested a while back as a joke that you wanted to blindfold Yeosang and ride him... Clearly, he hadn't understood that you were "joking" and he went out of his way to get a blindfold. When he showed you what he had bought you were surprised, Yeosang was your innocent and soft boyfriend and yet here he was with a blindfold.

"Y-yeah...I'm sure." Yeosang looked over at you before looking back at the blindfold. He picked it up and handed it to you.

"You should put it on me."

Your brows raised at him surprised that he was actually going through with this. "Fine, but if you feel uncomfortable or you need me to stop, tell me, okay?"

You gently placed the blindfold over his eyes and Yeosang's breath immediately hitched at the lack of sight. You started to kiss his ear softly before whispering softly, "How do you feel, Yeosang?"

He shivered at your breath against his ear and he could feel his body heating up. He's never gotten this aroused this fast before. His cheeks were tinted red as he shifts slightly. Looking down, you noticed the tent in his pants forming. You smirked at your boyfriend and slithered your hand down his chest, moving down to his stomach before grasping his length through the material of his pants. You began to rub him softly and a low whimper escaped his lips.

"Hard for me already?"

 X= X-Ray (Lt’s see what’s going on in those pants)

He's on the average size of the spectrum and a bit slender which isn't a bad thing at all. He's an expert at rolling his hips into you at this point, so regardless of his size, he'll know how to hit all the right spots.

Y= Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Yeosang doesn't have a high sex drive, it's not something he craves 24/7 like others, cough cough Wooyoung cough cough. He'd be fine with 1-2 times a week, but if you had a high sex drive he'd try to keep up with you.

Z= ZZZ (How fast do they fall asleep afterward?)

It varies, sometimes it'll take a while, sometimes he'll fall asleep as soon as he's done taking care of you, BUT! HE CAN NOT SLEEP IF HE HASN'T GIVEN YOU AFTERCARE. Point, blank, period.

[geometricalien]

oh dear i'm super duper late but I have a lot of questions about your wips!! I wanna know more about sick Akashi, nekoma pirate crew, BoKuroo/BokuAka midsommer, Pining + Jacket, The truth burns and destroys, feeling good, Punk Noya, Strawberry Blonde, sunspot and the merman au!!! Thanks babe <333

Hi Vee!!! This is it, I spent wayyyyy too long on this, I think my finger is cramping from typing. But thank you for asking, I love sharing my ideas, sorry if it’s incorherent.

This is super long so it’s under the cut, saving people room

Sick Akashi 

So, it’s based off of a line prompt “I’d like it if you’d stay” and as the title suggests, 3rd year Akashi gets sick, sorry Vee it’s not fatal, Furihata comes to Rakuzan to check on his friend after he doesn’t answer his phone. The entire premise is Akashi works himself sick with his various responsibilities he takes on as “perfectionist who can’t show any cracks at all”. I don’t want Bokushi Akashi showing up so it’s minus the mental break elements. (also technically in canon terms it's after they have merged so yeah) I feel like they deserve a cute little “nurse” the other from a sickness ficlet. And… maybe… sick Akashi confesses…….. It’s almost a writing challenge for me because Akashi has a more polite sophisticated way of thinking and speaking, so cough yep

The rest are Haikyuu aus so buckle in

NEKOMA PIRATE CREW 

Admittedly this is more loose, less of a solid idea. It’s Yaku centric, and how he went from a merchant from his grandfather’s company searching for lost merchandise and became the first mate who keeps track of the ship's finances and keeps their captain Kuroo on track. Other things of note, he meets Kuroo first as a pirate on another ship who stole his merchandise, Kenma is a sea witch (is that science or magic? That's always the question), and about halfway through the adventure they get Lev on board as a new member. So yeah! Kinda a fetch quest but on of my favorite fanfics is legitimately a fetch quest so it's okay fjdkaljf

BoKuroo/BokuAka Midsommer

This is based off of a fanart by desdelasombra my friend Shayla showed it to me and we threw this idea around together, we really don’t want to write it but it's also spectacular. So it's the movie Midsommar, right? Bokuto is a “gatherer” bringing his friends to come join in his village’s rituals. But we didn’t want anyone to die (except for Kenma sorry he’s dead as the substitute for the main character’s sister), so a grieving Kuroo comes with his boyfriend Bokuto, joined by their friends the smart studious and jaded Oikawa and bright bubbly Hinata. Obviously the three react badly to the first ritual and Bokuto doesn’t understand because for him it’s always been a joyful experience and he wanted to share it with his friends. A Lot of things happen, but most important is Akaashi and Kuroo dancing under the may pole together. BokuAka was in the past when Bokuto was home so part of this is them coming together as poly and escaping the final scene of the movie. Again this is very painful but that art is beautiful and the world is better for it being created

Pining + Jacket (KuroLev)

Again this is a line prompt about lending a jacket because it’s cold and it had so much potential for pining and who is the most pining bastard that I know? LEV and Shayla told me about KuroLev and somehow this happened. It’s currently going to be a sequence of drabbles of Lev pining after Kuroo, what else could you ask for? Uh? Lev confessing to Kuroo and them going out??? Sorry I can’t hear you over the exquisite angst and pain of one sided love that I want to explore

The truth burns and destroys

GOOD CHOICE, I began this on saturday night and it has earned a very special place in my heart. Sometimes I fear that my writing is like a lazy pool, sure it's nice and easy and smooth but there isn’t an intensity or raw emotions, BUT THIS this accomplishes what I want. And I’m really glad, its metaphor and imagery heavy but it really captures their emotions and thoughts without it sounding like I’m a 7th grader writing my first fanfiction glances to my abandoned wips from that time. Okay, Vee, I am a glutton for punishment and angst and I choose to pursue cheating fics. But specifically where and how they build the relationship up again after finding out. So, I was reading a KageHina cheating fic and how the character’s reacted felt off somehow so at midnight I wrote this snippet to fullfill my craving, you know what they say the best fanfiction is self indulgence. Here is a short excerpt,

He wants to brush this aside and continue their lives. He wants to wake up next to Tobio and still be seen the same way. He doesn't want anything to change. 

Tobio is his favorite book. He has read it time and time again. Highlighting, underlining, cherishing. So Shouyou is able to read the silent begging in his eyes. The right clenched fist. 

"Shouyou," a deafening pause "What is this?"

Please lie to me.

…

It stretches on. The eternity of silence. They sit together holding on to the last hope they have. Shouyou memorizes those beautiful hands, each crease and bump. Hands that helped shape him become who he is and that reached out unwaveringly. 

Tobio sighs a world ending sigh. 

Shouyou was the one who created their world, it's only fitting that Tobio is the one who destroys it.

In summary I like angst, I want to feel something 

Feeling good

AAA, okay uh, This is a BokuAka pop star au. Akaashi sings “feeling good” at a big charity event hosted by Akashi (... yes I am AkaFuri trash and I can and will sneak them in anything and everything I write) while he is singing he walks down a big staircase remembering moments in his relationship with Bokuto, how much they have grown and how much he loves him. I love the concept! But I tried to write smut in the beginning of it and OOF THATS A NO. I actually have the majority of it written but I do want to add more emotions and thoughts (the lazy pool writing) and make it Ao3 friendly because I have all of the lyrics for feeling good in it as “post signs” for what he sings and that’s against their rules. 1 major aspect of this fic is it's all leading up to the point where Akaashi says “I love you” for the first time to Bokuto after finishing the song, on stage, in front of everyone and on every screen broadcasting it.

Punk Noya

I have a love for feral boys, especially feral alternative punk boys (and girls and humans) so this whole idea is that Noya goes to another school for high school, embraces more punk aethsetics, and on the first day of the preliminary tournaments he hears the rumors about a high schooler in a gang, getting up to nasty things, and he decides to confront them. He finds Asahi, rants him out and leaves. The plot then follows canon, at the winter tournament Karasuno faces Dateko, Karasuno loses even more badly because Noya isn’t there. Asahi quits volleyball, BUT Asahi and Noya run into each other at the store and talk leading to friendship which leads to romance. Idk man, I want more punk haikyuu characters, it gives me life. Alt Yamaguchi is my favorite but onwards we go

Strawberry Blonde

!!!! So this is Mitski’s song and to give a vague idea this is a pining Kageyama fic where he tries to pull away from Hinata and that back fires. (I  do have more to say but I’ve been typing this for over an hour and I’m getting really tired fjkdaljl) There is one paragraph that I love, so here it is! Kageyama and Hinata are practicing by themselves outside of school and they are playing pepper (its a volleyball warm up practice routine where you partner up with someone pass, set, and spike the ball to each other sesquentially) Hinata goes to spike the ball and for a moment Kageyama sees it, 

They are at nationals and they made it to finals. The crowds are screaming, but everything except the court is thrown into shadows. They are at match point of the final set. Everything is at peak intensity and at the center is him. Flying in the air. Orange hair waving with the momentum. His loud take off echoing in the gym. Arm poised for the kill. Eyes sparking with ferocity and passion as he aims. And finally, tipping the world over is the loud slap of his hand, sending the ball to the far side of the court-

This was actually going to be finished and posted in time for Haikyuu season 4 coming out and the manga wrapping up.... clearly I failed my goal fjdaklfj

Sunspot

You don’t know this about me but I love royalty aus, and this is BokuAka Prince Akaashi and Knight Bokuto. This was a short snippet of this grand idea I have for them where they run away from Akaashi’s inherited destiny together. It has potential to be really wide and expansive with the differnet teams as different kingdoms (AGAIN ILLUSION OF CHOICE, that fic really influences me doesn’t it fjdskalj) But this was a short glance at Akaashi taking a break from studying and watching Bokuto and the other knights practice duel. The title comes from the fact that Bokuto is a sunspot in Akaashi’s life, and his day is substantially better basking in his golden shining light.

Merman au

I’m so glad you asked about this and its technically the one I’ve written the most for since it's actually the one I posted on my haikyuu writing side blog. But brief recap, long term it’s a BokuAka little mermaid au but instead of a sea witch it’s an underwater deity who makes “wishes” (it's a deal) with every royal who is born. And Akaashi has a lot of siblings: Ushijima, Oikawa, Suga, Terushima, and Hinata, and its in that order. So I have information on every sibling’s deal, what they wish for, what they give for it, what happens to them in the future, romantically and otherwise. But, this is the one I haven’t updated in over a year, I am working on it!! I’m currently on Koushi’s (suga’s) wish/deal, its just taking forever. If you want to learn more about it I’ll link it in parts  1  2  3  4

BUT I will work on Suga’s part and then Terushima’s and then to the meat of the idea with Akaashi. 

If you have made it this far, thanks, you are cool as always. My brain and fingers is ded. 

[shirtlesssammy]

8x01: We Need to Talk About Kevin

Then:

P U R G A T O R Y

Now:

100-Mile Wilderness, Maine

1 Year Later

A couple is sleeping peacefully in the forest when a bright light fills the sky, waking the woman.

The couple goes out to investigate when they hear rustling outside. It’s a deer! Close...it’s Dean! He’s looking more like a feral rat than a deer. I would not want to run into someone looking like Dean in the middle of nowhere, that’s for sure. He pulls his gun, asks where the road is, grabs a bag of their stuff, and skedaddles. Yikes. First, for anyone not caught up, let’s all collectively scream what we all thought on our first viewing: Where’s Cas??! Second, who the fuck hikes anywhere, let alone the 100 Mile Wilderness trail with that kind of gear?! Camp chairs? A lantern the size of a dining room chandelier? A tent that’s making Harry Potter quake? Anyway, I lol thinking this is the most unbelievable part of this scene, and not the dude who just got back from Purgatory. 

Clayton, Louisiana

4 Days Later

Cue up Styx “Man in the Wilderness”, and sit back and watch one of my favorite montages. Watching Dean walk down a road never gets old. He walks to a cemetery and digs up a grave. He chants an incantation over some bones, and voilà, he brings back to life a vampire! They embrace.

Wait, what? 

In Kermit, Texas, Sam’s ditching on a woman AND a dog. He drives to Rufus’s cabin in Montana, where a hiding Dean assaults him with all the monster tests. They both pass, and hug. Sam is shocked. “I guess standing too close to exploding dick, sends your ass straight to Purgatory.” Dean explains the situation with the first dick joke of the season. Sam has further questions, and Dean is vague on the details. Sam also wonders about Cas. Dean shuts down a little more and admits, “Yeah, Cas didn’t make it.” 

Sam presses the matter. “Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy towards the end, and he... just let go,” Dean adds. So, he admits that Cas let go here, did he alter his memory after this? In any event, Dean’s really broken about it. 

Sam then admits that he got out of the life, tossed all his phones, etc. “Something happened to me this year, too.” Gah, like a complete breakdown and fugue state, but I will reserve my thoughts for my non-existent essay on the state of Sam’s mind when Dean and Cas were in Purgatory. That sends Dean into an anger spiral. (Natasha: LIMES)

He listens to all of Sam’s phone messages --the increasingly desperate and eventually disillusioned pleas for help from Kevin. 

He was their responsibility, and Sam just ditched him. Uh, because he was in complete mental failure! Sam hears something in the background of the last message and is able to isolate the sound to a bus station. They track him to Michigan, where his girlfriend, Channing, is attending college. 

Once at the motel, Dean sees two boys playing with their toy guns, which sends him into a memory spiral. He’s chasing a vamp in Purgatory and eventually catches him. “Where’s the angel?”

WhEreS tHe aNgEl?

W H E R E ‘ S  T H E  A N G E L?

??

?

(Don’t touch me.)

“You’re him. The human.” 

Like, excuse me? The monsters are all meeting up talking about the human wandering around Purgatory looking for that angel? LIKE PLEASE. No, please STOp. I can’t take it, even after all these years. 

Anyway, Dean keeps demanding to know where that goddamned angel is. The vamp refuses to say so Mr. Dramatic lops his head off set to a very elegant camera angle. 

Another monster attacks but Dean’s too far from his machete. Then ANOTHER monster attacks THAT monster. Spoiler: IT’S BENNY! 

Later, in the motel, Dean suggests moving on, but Sam thinks he should get some rest. Dean goes into another anger spiral --probably because he couldn’t sleep for a year and all Sam did was sleep due to his complete breakdown. Sam trying to ignore that he didn’t have control of his world isn’t helping him with Dean. Sam found “a girl.” Well, actually, she was a fully grown woman, but go on… Listen, I don't like the Amelia stuff as much as the next person, so I have a very elaborate headcanon of Sam’s mental break and the symbolic fantasy world he created while he barely existed at the cabin. 

Anyway, Sam asks Dean what Purgatory was like. “It was bloody. Messy. 31 flavors of bottom-dwelling nasties. Hell, most days felt like 360-degree combat. But there was something about being there.”

“It felt pure.”

It fElT PuRe

I T  F E L T  P U R E

Flashback to Purgatory, where Dean’s life is still saved by Benny, the vampire. Dean threatens to shiv him up the ass so...every friendship needs to start somewhere? The vampire knows an escape hatch out of Purgatory! But it’s only for humans. He’ll show him the portal as long as Dean smuggles his soul out of Purgatory. 

The first rule of Purgatory is you can’t trust anyone. Dean doesn’t trust Benny - not an inch. But he does need allies. He tells Benny that he’ll agree to that tenuous deal as long as they find “the angel” first.

At a college, the Winchesters interview Channing. She hasn’t heard a word from Kevin and furthermore, would spurn his love forever now that he’s no longer going to Princeton. Ouch! After they leave, Channing’s eyes go black and she slices her roommate's throat so she can make a phone call. DOUBLE OUCH! She reports that Kevin still hasn’t gotten in touch with her, but Dean Winchester is back.

Trying to get some work done amongst the students, Sam experiences his own mournful flashback. He hit a dog! He shouted at veterinary hospital employees! Damn it, this is an animal hospital!!! I hand you a bloody dog, you fix! Shouting helps things happen! 

Sam bby.

Dean arrives with a burger in hand, reunited with one of the loves of his life at least. Sam reports that he’s tracked Kevin to Iowa.

At a run down church in Iowa, the Winchesters pay a house call. Kevin immediately confronts them with a Borax-loaded supersoaker. Once he figures out they’re human, Kevin gives them the tour of his new digs. He’s learned how to ward against demons. And then while explaining his recent past, Kevin has his own flashback! Everyone gets one! 

In Kevin’s flashback, he’s been captured by Crowley who sits him down to work on another tablet. A DEMON tablet! Dun dun DUN! Kevin mines its secrets and tells Crowley that there’s a hell gate in Wisconsin. (Made out of cheese?) Demons gather ingredients for him and Kevin gets to have a MONTAGE of preparing a spell to open the gate. Only…

...Kevin was hoodwinking the demons the whole time. 

He’d found a demon bomb recipe and blasts away his guards while Crowley waits on a distant Wisconsin farm. 

Back in the present, Kevin’s stowed the tablet somewhere safe but before he did that, he made sure to memorize one more important spell from the tablet: a spell to close the gates of Hell...FOREVER. 

Dean and Sam head outside to the...second story church deck?...to chat. Sam’s disappointed that Kevin seems further into the hunting life than before. Dean’s proud of the kid - “he’s in it whether he likes it or not.” Oof. Dean, your Winchester is showing.

Sam heads down to the candle-lit church. He apologizes to Kevin for bugging out on him - and on everything hunting related. It’s definitely staged like a confession.

Kevin admits that he’s perturbed when he really stops and thinks about his life, post-prophet-revelation. Sam assures him that “it gets better.” Hmm RLY? Sam’s an optimist, and continues: if they can banish all the demons, Kevin might actually be free to live a good life. BRB weeping and shouting angrily at this show!

In Sam’s hazy flashback, he waits anxiously for the news from the vet. She reports that his dog will be okay. Sam corrects her - the dog isn’t his! She double barrel blasts him with sarcasm, implying that if he doesn’t take care of the dog he hit then he’s the worst person in the world. Which. Okay. I generally don’t mind Amelia though I think she demonstrably has terrible luck picking stable, healthy relationships. But this scene always has me rolling my eyes. It’s so normal to foist a dog on a stranger! Everyone has the means and time to care for a dog, not to mention a dog who has been seriously injured! A vet would not do this! Amelia, plz. 

Amelia puppy dog eyes Sam, and he’s toast. He’s spent so many years working on his offensive puppy eyed tactics, he never thought to work on his defense!

The church begins to shake and wood splits apart Kevin’s devil’s traps. A couple of demons arrive, armed with more swagger than weaponry. There’s a zappy flashy kicky fight and then Crowley and Channing arrive. Crowley demands the tablet for Channing’s life. He flashes Channing back into control for a moment as proof of life. Kevin offers himself up in exchange for Channing’s freedom and heads off to “pack up.” Then Kevin lures Crowley and Channing to a holy water trap.

As they’re being doused, the Winchesters and Kevin escape. While they drive away, Crowley orders the demon out of Channing and then kills her. Oof. 

Later, Dean gets a phone call as they stop for gas and snacks, and then passes it off as a wrong number. Kevin passes on donuts and beef jerky. He just saw his girlfriend die and that doesn’t lend itself well to gas station snacks. 

Dean offers up words of Winchester Solace™. “You’re in it now. Whether you like it or not you do what you gotta do.” Good talk, Dean! 

On Dean’s pee break, he furtively places a phone call. It’s Benny, the vampire from earlier! He’s lurking on the edges of a funeral in a not-at-all-suspicious way. He figured out cell phones! But not fashion.

Dean tells him that they shouldn’t talk for a while since they’re both adjusting to life. Benny wistfully tells Dean that Purgatory WAS pure and he should have appreciated it more while he was there. They both admonish each other to be good (and presumably not go on a murderous rampage). Good talk!

WHERE’RE THE QUOTES?

We made it, brother

I don't know whether to give you a hug or take a shower

Nothing says "family" quite like the whole family being dead

Where’s the angel?

Hey, the rules are simple, Sam. You don't take a joint from a guy named Don, and there's no dogs in the car!

So you're looking for a soul train

There's a demon in you, and you're going to your safety school

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[science-lings]

OC Masterlist

Quick intros for my OCs as I’m going to write about them and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Rosalia Scarlett Dawn AKA Rose- 

My main girl, healing powers, the MCU version of her was recruited by SHIELD right after she got her first PHD after she was caught studying alien biology, takes her a while to become an actual superhero as her healing powers were hard to convert into anything that she could put on the field, with help from her anti-hero/ villain nemesis who she has had sexual tension with ever since they shared a dorm in medical school but then she became unethical and ignorant of the people around her ergo turning into a bad guy. Rose is usually good and wholesome but she has a dark destructive side that was awoken after her nemesis used her powers on her. Rose is selfless to the point of not taking care of herself because any time spent not helping people with her powers is time wasted in her eyes and she tends to take medical cases that no one else can, usually pertaining to other powered people, aliens, magic illnesses, etc. 

Roses Intro Sheet  - SHIELD & Hydra

Andromeda Starling- 

Roses endgame girlfriend, shapeshifter, in the MCU she accidentally used a Hydra spaceship to escape the planet as her parents were both scientists involved with that kind of thing. She didn’t really think it through and she ended up on a skrull refugee planet where she crash landed and had to be enhanced to save her life. She’s not good at teamwork and tends to be a loner as she’s afraid to get close to people. She hates being bossed around and work with other people. She can do most on her own just fine. She hates having to admit she needs help with something. She’s a pretty decent pilot and prefers swords over guns. If she likes someone enough to become attached, she get’s very protective and even a bit clingy but that rarely happens. 

Andromeda’s Intro Sheet - Andromeda Portrait - Simple Lesbians - B&W Portrait

Adisa Crow AKA Doctor Plague-

Roses nemesis, she was subtly jealous of Roses powers so she secretly tried to recreate them, instead the outcome gave her powers that could reverse other’s powers against them and make normal people ill. She became a virus in every sense of the word and even tech malfunctions around her. But her powers affect herself a little, making her go a little crazy over time and more willing to do fucked up things in the name of science. Yes she wears a plague doctor mask that helps her powers not affect herself. Her powers also heighten her negative feelings and only give her relief when she uses her powers on other people as it hates being restricted. She’s given up on being free of it and has embraced her role as a super-plague. It’s actually kind of sad really... 

Adisa Crow Portrait - Nemesis Tension 

Phoenix AKA Maat (Matt) Ramses-

Necromancer goth mom, grew up an orphan with the sorcerers of Kamar Taj as her parents were wakandan sorcerers who died protecting the reality and the ancient one sensed her magic potential, however she wasn’t great at the normal magic that they tried to teach her. She had to steal forbidden books about necromancy to really get a hold of her powers. She left the sorcerers and found others like her, connected to death, and she made a family. but eventually she would have to investigate her roots in wakanda and it may not be pretty. She inherited her parents relics, a gold sword with a hilt of wings and a gold helmet based on the helms of the egyptian pharaohs. Maat didn’t quite work as a vigilante, she just was drawn to people that needed her help and she literally can’t stop herself from intervening when humanity can be so terrible. Anyway she hates cops and abusers and rapists and all that and she does her best to help the people that they hurt. 

Phoenix Portrait  - Open Helmet Idea - The magic relics

Diana Schmitt-  

Trans girl mutant who can control and melt metal and glass, making her own weapons on the fly and using debris to her advantage. Her left arm and her right leg were frozen off by anti-mutant extremists and she makes herself prosthetics with her powers made of glass shards that she can use and layers of different kinds of metal with the outside being gold because she likes the aesthetic. She’s covered in scars from the torture and from her own forging projects. She loves making things and does her best to be positive and kind to other people but trauma is still trauma and superheroes aren’t known for going to therapy. She has PTSD and gets triggered by excessive cold and dark places. She has to learn to confront her pain and move beyond it, while also going to therapy and stuff. 

Diana Portrait - Pride Month Portrait - Early Intro Sheet

Guinevere Kaimana-

literally a mermaid who spent several decades under the water as a hermit and has water powers and electric eel levels of electric powers. (until she’s at her most powerful but still not more than like some thunder in a tropical storm, she can’t like summon lighting to strike people or anything.) In the MCU she’s a mutant who left after her mutation out of fear of rejection and in my fantasy version of my OC universe she’s a pirate mermaid princess. She figured out how to temporarily turn her tail into a tail shaped skirt and tattoos on her legs similar to fishnet tights. She can’t stay human for very long and when she’s human she has to be fully hydrated or she could die. She has an enemies to competitors to friends to lovers with Diana and it’s a very slow burn. 

Gwen Pride Portrait - mermay

Alexandria Iriklitis- 

Superhero therapist with a magic voice. Her singing can manipulate the emotions of anyone that can hear it, even through recordings and microphones and stuff, and eventually she can use it to control objects around her through levitation and even destroying the area around her if she’s emotionally charged and loud enough (which happens when she goes temporarily deaf and thinks that she can’t responsibly use her powers anymore.) She has to be very careful with her powers as music is already made to affect peoples emotions but with her powers, any miscalculation can be destructive. Someone may have bad memories of a happy song and elevate those bad feelings. So she usually depends on non-lyrical songs and her own improvisation skills. In my fantasy OC universe she’s a magic bard that’s drawn to chaos and flirts with everyone because she’s a bard. She tries not to use her magic voice to make people do things they don’t want to do, she tries to not rely on it to get whatever she wants. 

Alex Portrait

Artemis Dawn-

Roses non-powered sister who is a SHEILD agent that struggles with living in her sisters shadow. They go through an arc of repairing their relationship and get to the point of being very close and killing for each other. Artemis specializes in sharpshooting, martial arts, and disguises. She uses makeup and clothing and wigs to completely change her appearance to a point where even the people that know her best won’t recognize her. In the fantasy AU universe she dresses up as a man to become a knight after being shamed out of her princess status. She’s a badass and deals with a major inferiority complex and has to prove that she’s just as good as her superpowered sister. When hydra takes over shield, she has to save her sister from their clutches and causes Roses first power burst that kills the hydra agents by forcing their bones to grow together to turn them into grotesque body horror statues. Fun. Artemis has a cold hard exterior but softens up around her sister and it confuses her colleagues to no end. Not many people knew she could smile outside of a role. 

Artemis Portrait

Unreleased art under the cut!

Gwen without face paint and weird colors, yes her lips are blue all the time

pride drawing for Rose

Phoenix and Diana as part of a mass drawing of my ocs that I gave up on but I liked the way they both looked in it so here it is now.

old headshot when i wanted to experiment with Roses mask

angry freckles

minor oc, i do actually think i posted it but I haven’t made enough about them to know what I want them to be besides absolutely bangin with their character design

COMMISSIONS I’VE HAD DONE OF THEM

Andromeda by tinymintywolf

Anthro Rose by scriiblesbymarti on insta i couldn’t find them on here oof

Spider-rose that I won by emkayoh

rose icon by tinymintywolf

[literalbuzzkill]

Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD

I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)

Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD

[The Start:]

I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.

I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,

(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)

you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.

We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.

It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)

Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.

Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)

(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)

And eventually I gave up,

I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.

Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.

So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.

I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)

in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.

I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.

Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.

Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.

And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.

I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.

Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.

but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.

I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.

If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying

Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.

If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤

[thesuitelifeofjughead]

Riverdale Rewatch Review - Season One

Hey guys! So, as everyone knows, there’s like, this big thing happening in the world right now causing everyone to have to stay inside and a lot of people have way more free time on their hands than they know what to do with. I am one of those people. After I finish my schoolwork I find that barely even half a day has passed. What do I fill that time with? Animal Crossing. But also, watching Netflix. 

I’ve wanted to rewatch Riverdale for the longest time, and I figure that now is the best time to do it. 

So, the way this will work, I’ll give my overall thoughts and review of the season, my favorite episodes, and then I’m going to give you a play-by-play of my thoughts while rewatching each episode under the break. So, without further ado:

Overall Review

Looking at the bigger picture of everything I know Riverdale has come to be, I think the statement stands true that Season One is one of their strongest season, if not their actual strongest (Season Four has been climbing up there for me in fav seasons). 

Watching it all together, the drama seemed evenly paced, and everyone seemed to get the same amount of screen time, including characters we barely see anymore like Kevin and Reggie. There are some interesting shots, and I found myself jammin to some of the songs they had the characters sing as well as the background music. 

It was clear that they had a plan, and they knew where they were going. Hints of relationships happened WAY before they became official, and it seemed like everyone was on the same page, which is difficult to say for later seasons (which I will also be making reviews on shortly). 

For only having 13 episodes, Riverdale did an excellent job in it’s first season hooking everyone in to the drama and the mystery, including me. I believe it was after the second or third episode when this blog was created, and I’ve been here ever since. This season is responsible for why a lot of fans stuck around, and for why a lot of fans left. 

Overall, I would say it had amazing storytelling, character development, cinematic techniques, and everything else you could think of. My final rating would be a 10/10. Even if you don’t like later seasons, you can’t deny this one was really good, and had a lot of classic Riverdale moments -insert gif of Jughead saying “I’m a weirdo” here bc I tried to find it but couldn’t-. 

My personal favorite episodes: Episode 6, Episode 10, Episode 13

Rewatch Thoughts

Episode 1: 

It’s so clear right from the start that Veronica likes Archie oh my god

I love Betty Cooper dance parties and I want more of them

Wow I hate Alice from the very beginning

Fred Andrews was the best parent on Riverdale from the very beginning. Period.

Maybe the show is more consistent than I thought. Archie was dumb since season one episode one for lying to his dad. 

Veronica was so supportive of Betty and Archie we stan a supportive friend

Oh my god did we all collectively forget that Archie dated a freaking TEACHER?!

JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS MY HEART I love and miss them 

Jughead was such a broody lil boy wasn’t he oh my gosh Betty really did change him for the better didn’t she

“Whatever happened with Betty, just talk to her. It’ll go a long way” We stan a king who wants open communication from the beginning yas Jughead

Episode Rating: 8/10

Episode 2: 

God, the teacher is so manipulative

Oh god i’m gonna have to relive the dark Betty arc aren’t I

This rewatch is just gonna further my love for Jughead. He was the smartest one since day one

WAIT i completely forgot they changed Reggie’s actor oh my goodness

Episode Rating: 5/10

Episode 3: 

there was a mention of Greendale in the VERY FIRST SEASON 

The only good thing Penelope Blossom ever did was punch Alice Cooper and that’s that on that

I love the early journalism relationship between Betty and Jughead

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 4:

Ya’ll I miss jughead narrating at the beginning and end of every episode

THE TWILIGHT DRIVE IN. I MADE SO MANY FANFICTIONS SET THERE AWH

Jug was so upset over the drive in my HEART. Jughead had a JOB. Am I the only one who forgot that? 

He called her Betts and she called him Juggy their already in a relationship let’s face it. 

“It’s like my home” AWH JUG IT WAS HIS HOME MY HEART

Ya’ll remember how INSANE the reveal of Jughead’s dad was?

Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 5:

Why would he have to run away from mommy and daddy? BECAUSE DADDY DID IT JUG YOURE SO SMART

Everyone was so SHADY in season one 

THE FREAKING SNAKE IN THE BOX

This was the episode with Jughead’s stupid cute smile in his stupid cute hat and stupid cute tux my heart

Remember when Fred and Hermione had that thing? Yeah me neither I hate it

Episode Rating: 8/10

Episode 6:

Wow makes sense that Polly joined a cult, she’s so fragile from everything that’s happened to her 

I love the early music in this show

Betty straight up asks Hal if he killed Jason Blossom. OMG Alice goes “You think he has the stomach or that?” UHM hate to break it to ya but your dad is,,, oof

ITS THE HEY JULIET EPISODE AWH

WAIT THAT MEANS

The little “also” and his voice cracks I’m

FIRST BUGHEAD KISS FIRST BUGHEAD KISS

“In the middle of our moment” ICONIC

Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 7:

the episode in which we find out Jughead is living in the school

“Don’t tell Betty” they’re already so in love I swear

Jughead walking Betty home is literally the softest thing

The farm was a part of the plot from SEASON ONE oh my god

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 8:

I’m p sure this is just a filler episode

Oh wait it’s the reveal to Archie and Fred that FP is a serpent

WAIT ITS THE BABY SHOWER SCENE

“It’s totally on my bucket list” we don’t deserve Jughead

the LOOKS Archie got when he walked into that baby shower

Can you believe how normal it became to be a part of the serpents? And in the beginning it was such a big deal? Like Arch, hate to break it to you, you become an honorary serpent one day

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 9:

Riverdale season one really be hitting different. It’s so,, innocent lol, and that’s sayin something 

The Blossoms are a cult all their own I’m just sayin

“That was a joke, you hobo” ICONIC

Otherwise known as the episode where Alice throws a rock at a window

The parents really do be acting like teenagers tho

ALSO known as the episode where Veronica rips of her pearls

YOOO remember when Cheryl kissed Archie? That was a moment

Episode Rating: 9/10

Episode 10:

oh my god this is the birthday episode isn’t it

OH NO

lmao Ronnie was Tik Tok dancing before it was cool huh

The movie part of the party was so pure awh

oh god the creepy birthday song

i hate it

I HATE ITTTT

Cheryl arrives to mess shit UP

We love that Bughead took this as a learning experience and Jughead has never had a birthday party since

“In CaSe YoU HaVeN’t NoTiCEd, I’m WeiRd. I’m A weiRDo. I DoN’t FiT iN aNd I DoN’t WaNnA FiT in. HAvE YoU eVeR SeeN mE WiThOuT ThiS HaT oN? THAT’S WEIRD.”

Jughead was so opposed to letting her in my heart

Just let her love you Jug

Dilton’s actor also changed and we just,, let it slide? oof my guys

THE PUNCH. he DEFENDS his WOMAN

the first sign of FP bein a good dad, telling Jughead not to run away from Betty. We stan a father who’s basically responsible for Bughead.

The reveal that Alice lived on the south side was also in this episode. 

THE FIRST TIME JUG TOOK OFF HIS BEANIE

their first heart to heart ya’ll I love them

This is the softest scene point blank period

When I said I hated it before? Yeah I lied I love this episode

The episode where Archie and Ronnie also officially got togther kinda?? Wow so much happened this episode

Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 11:

Hail our fair RIVERDALLEEEE

YOOO you remember when FP literally was an accomplice to MURDER and then they let him become sheriff? Man, what a time

Ya’ll why did they hurt Jughead so much in the first season my heart

Yo THIS is why they have such good communication in later seasons

he’s being FRAMED

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 12:

oh my goodness the tollbooth scene 

OW

The second time his beanie is off

he looks so SAD ouch

He just stood there and TOOK Cheryl’s punches someone save my poor boy

THE REVEAL THAT THE BLOSSOMS AND COOPERS ARE RELATED AH

They watched the videooooo

Episode Rating: 9/10

Episode 13:

The camera work around this table is really interesting. It’s literally circling them at the lunch table. SPEAKING OF LUNCH TABLES, why haven’t we seen them eating lunch at school for like two seasons lol 

“I’m with Jughead now”

God Penelope Blossom is so melodramatic

Can i just say thank GOD Fred never sold Andrew’s Construction

Oh my god the locker scene. The way he cups her cheek and takes her away

Jughead going to South Side High without telling anyone I’m

Cheryl on the ice

Remember when KJ literally broke his arm bc of the dedication to this scene

BURN THE HOUSE TO THE GROUND

the I love you scene my hEART

His beanie is off and the way he says I love you I”M CRYING

Oh god this song

I made so many fanfictions about this freaking scene with the jacket I’m

We all thought it was so BAD to be a serpent and yet they all literally become one over the next two seasons I’m. the fandom had NO IDEA

“Juggy”

The looks they give each other I’m laughing

Cheryl starring into the FLAMES

OH MY GOD WAIT THIS CLIFFHANGER IS SO MUCH MORE SAD NOW NOOOOO. This didn’t age well I’m.

HE SHOOK HIS HEAD HE WAS PROTECTING ARCHIE

But also,, Black Hood Intro? Oof.

Episode Rating: 10/10

-

If you got this far, thank you for reading my rambles! Season Two rewatch is up next!

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Can you pretty please tell me anything and everything about all (or at least a couple, in case you have a lot haha) of your Marvel OCs please? I’m always a sucker for Marvel OCs lmao

so as of now I have 90 marvel ocs, oof!  They’re all hanging out here if you want to check them all out, and I’ll update my mobile masterlist once the thought doesn’t make me cry lmao!  Also I totally didn’t mean to ignore that ask about Kat, I started answering it and saved it as a draft and then it got buried but I will get back to it ASAP!!!!!!  For now though I’ll just yell a bit about a few of my most developed OCs!

Kat Aliano (Inferno): Kat is my first real fandom oc!  I made her back in 2011 and I would die for her.  Basically she’s a child genius who’s been living alone since her parents died in the Chitauri attack and she got caught while attempting to hack Tony’s private database for more information.  Fury is still trying to get the team to act like a team and he thinks that giving them a common goal (raising a child) will help, so he forces Tony to adopt her.  The avengers all grow attached fairly quickly, but none moreso than Tony, who sees her as a daughter (and she sees him as a dad).  She lives with Tony for the most part, and gets taken by Killian in Iron Man 3, which is when she gets her powers.  I have her story planned out all the way through endgame (in fact I’ve already written part of the Endgame battle for her already) but I don’t know how many spoilers you want so I’ll leave it at this for now!  If you want to read her fic, the first chapter is published!  

Nikki Rogers (Lady Liberty): Nikki was my second real fandom oc and is barely a week younger.  Way back in the day she was a daughter of Steve Rogers and Aphrodite and a pjo crossover.  Now she’s still Steve’s daughter but she doesn’t know who her mother is dun dun dunnnn. Nikki is my sunshine angel baby darling and is honestly just the sweetest person in the multiverse.  Nikki is the hero who doesn’t want anyone else to suffer the way she has so she goes out of her way to be as sweet and loving and good as she can be.  She learns some information about herself in Winter Soldier that sends her on a bit of a spiral but instead of having a villain arc it just pushes her to become her own hero, and thus she becomes Lady Liberty. She goes to Midtown High and her love interest is Peter, she’s a cheerleader and on the Academic Decathlon team, and has a complicated relationship with MJ for a long time.  She fights in Civil War but Tony helps her escape when the Rogues are arrested because her identity is still secret and even while fighting, the Avengers all want to protect her.  She was raised by Peggy Carter (not her mother, though a few people have asked me that in the past!) but when Peggy’s alzheimer’s got too bad she was moved to SHIELD custody and moved between Natasha, Clint, Maria, and Coulson depending on who was on a mission.  If you want to read her fic, the first chapter is published 

Adelaide Stark: Adi is Tony’s daughter!  She was born only a few days after Howard and Maria died, and then her mother died in labour, so Tony ended up with a lot of grief and a lot of responsibility.  He was absolutely determined to be a better father than Howard and always put Adi above everything.  Adi grew up as a total daddy’s girl and just as much of a genius as her dad (although she didn’t skip any grades, mostly because Tony didn’t want her under the same pressure that he was always under), and has been designing for Stark Industries since middle school.  She was in her senior year of high school when Tony disappeared, and was all set to go to MIT and continue designing weapons.  But when Tony gets back and she finds out that it was one of her designs that nearly killed him, she pulled back completely.  She was the biggest supporter of ending the weapons manufacturing, and now only ever designs for Iron Man (and eventually other Avengers) gear.  Instead of MIT she took over the SI philanthropy work and started up a new charity for mental health support, with focus on veterans and PTSD.  After a few years she branched off and started her own foundation, separate from SI, which had more or less the same purpose.  She first meets Sam Wilson when she’s in DC lobbying for better support for veterans, in between IM3 and CAWS.

Bianca Davis (Lady Justice): Bianca Davis is Rebecca Barnes’ granddaughter!  She grew up knowing the Commandos (and Tony, because Peggy was his godmother I’ll take that hc to the grave) hearing stories about Steve, Bucky, and World War Two, which is what led her to eventually major in history and to become the youngest museum curator in the world (this wasn’t intentional lmao but a fact that I learned later.  She isn’t really a curator, though it is her official job title, but she runs the Captain America/Howling Commandos exhibit at the Air And Space Museum, which she’s been doing since she finished university - the letters of recommendation from Peggy and the surviving Commandos definitely helped lmao.  She’s noticed Steve at the exhibit several times but has always respected his space, but one day he makes a dry comment about an obnoxious tourist that she had to deal with and they begin speaking – she calls him a fossil and he falls a little bit in love.  They’ve become close by the beginning of CAWS and when he first goes on the run, she’s who he and Nat go to when they need disguises for the mall, and she ends up on the run with them once they realize that Hydra knows she exists.  

Alessia Stark (Lady Shield): Alessia is Tony’s twin sister.  Howard experimented on her when she was a teenager, in hit attempt to recreate the super soldier, and it worked.  It left her with the same abilities as Steve and it drastically slowed down her aging.  She never had any interest in being a superhero, even though Fury has tried to recruit her several times, but when Tony becomes Iron Man she finally decides that she’s going to protect him no matter what, and thus becomes Lady Shield.  She makes it very clear in the Avengers that she isn’t there to be part of Fury’s boyband, she’s only there to keep Tony alive since she knows that SHIELD doesn’t actually care about him – she throws “iron man yes tony stark not recommended” in Natasha’s face several times.  She becomes a bit of a balancing act between Tony and Steve while trying to hold them together.  She also gets blasted by Loki’s scepter in Berlin which leads to some... changes (big spoilers so I won’t share if you don’t want to know yet!). Her ship is Steve but she fights with Tony in Civil War (“you both have solid points and if Ross wasn’t the biggest piece of shit on the face of the earth I’d suggest we all sit down and come up with our own amendments, but I won’t let anyone hurt my brother.”)

[dcomposing]

jumin route rewrite???

ive had.... Issues with jumin's route since the first time i played it and im waiting out a 3 hour layover which means its time to self indulgently fix all of those problems right now in excruciating detail

for the record, i dont mean any disrespect towards cheritz -- i love mysme dearly and this is purely a self indulgent experiment to see what my ideal jumin route would have been! if you like his route as is thats totally fine! it just wasnt for me lmao

this was super fun to write and if this picks up i might do another route rewrite (and i might do it even if it doesnt because it was just that fun lol)

anyways this is REALLY long (literally its like 3k words all in outline form) so its gonna go under the cut lol

okay so: issues i had with jumin’s route that i want to address:

it moves WAY too fast — i mean all of the routes do to a certain degree; they’re only 11 days long but like... you’re literally engaged to him by the end of it which iirc, is something that is only replicated in seven’s normal ending (and even then i think its only implied?) and i get that the point is that jumin goes all out for the people he loves and is VERY certain that he loves you but it just feels... way too soon for my liking ESPECIALLY because you’re his first love! it just makes it feel like he’s caught up in the rush of being in love for the first time and isn’t thinking things through which... isn’t exactly the making of a great relationship lol. so for this re- write we’re gonna slow it WAY down because... oof. 

the sarah and glam plot line happening concurrently with the mint eye/possessive jumin one makes the route feel overly busy. i actually have a similar issue with the echo girl/mint eye overlap in zen’s route but that’s a topic for another day lol. so i’m gonna try to delineate between the two a bit more so there’s less overlap.

SPEAKING OF possessive jumin lol... maybe its just my Personal Background bleeding in, but possessiveness is a really big red flag/trigger for me and i felt like it went WAY too far in his route. dgmw, i understand that its meant to be a character flaw and something he’s meant to overcome but i just feel like there are simpler ways to show that side of him without it becoming... as scary as it got. i wasn’t sure how to deal with it though -- i think it would best be expressed through smaller actions and the minutia of dialogue with the others (e.g. jumin refusing to send a photo of you into the chat room when zen asks if you’re alright, locking up elizabeth, etc.)

the canon first kiss with jumin happening both without your explicit consent AND just to drive sarah away is.... icky to me. especially because he MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH SARAH while kissing you??? i hate that cg lol. it just takes what should be a moment about the two of you and turns it into him using you to prove a point and i don’t like it at all. it’s not romantic and it feels... out of character for jumin to use someone he cares about like that. i have similar issues with the proposal happening right after he exposes glam and sarah. so lets make the kiss more genuine and nix the proposal entirely because it happens too quickly for comfort anyways.

with all of that in mind, i decided a fake dating plot would probably work best (and like i said, this is self indulgent and i’m a SUCKER for fake dating stories sooooo). it makes sure we hit all the beats of the glam/sarah plot line without shoving him and the mc into a relationship too quickly. it also means we can keep their first kiss as a big “fuck you” to sarah, but this time mc gets to be 100% in on the joke AND they get to have a “real” first kiss later on! that’s two (2!) kisses for the price of one folks.

i also decided that in order to streamline the plot a bit, the glam and sarah plot should end earlier, allowing for the mint eye plot to take center stage instead of being shoehorned in around a larger love triangle plot line. also glam and sarah are annoying and i don’t want to deal with them for six full days. the only downside is we don’t get to see v dunk on sarah at the party :-(

in lieu of a proposal for the necessary Big Romantic Gesture at the party, i thought it would be nice if jumin whisked you away from the party to paris or somewhere far away for a ridiculously extravagant first date literally in the middle of the party. not only is it ridiculously grandiose in and of itself, but in abandoning the party halfway through, it shows that jumin has grown into a more relaxed and spontaneous person through knowing you! he’s ready to throw caution to the wind and have fun with you (plus, Big Romantic Date cg!!)

day 5:

VN mode where we essentially get the exact same scene of chairman han telling jumin he wants him to marry sarah to make the merger with sugar round go more smoothly BUT this time jumin blurts out that he’s already with someone and that he didn’t want to go public with it yet. he assumes his father won’t press further, given that they’ve always had a mutual respect for one another’s privacy, but at glam’s insistence, chairman han says he wants to meet jumin’s partner. oh no!

jumin laments his situation to the rfa, resulting in pretty typical responses. zen laughs, yoosung is sympathetic but also kind of wishes it were just that simple for him to meet a wife. jaehee is worried that the inevitable fallout of this will result in more work for her. everything is business as usual until seven is like “ur so rich why don’t you just pay someone to pretend to date you lolol” and jumin (being, well, jumin) runs with it 100%. because they don’t have time to vet candidates (they’re supposed to have dinner with his dad tomorrow night!) he decides it should be someone he knows, but the majority of the other rfa members are already acquainted with his father via rfa events, making it more likely that he sees through the ruse. mc, however, has never met him, making them the perfect candidate! who would have thought lol

so they decide to move you into the penthouse that evening BUT before that can happen, they have to clear it with v because bomb, hacker, mint eye, etc. (yes this is how i’m choosing to do the bomb reveal lol). bonus, v gets to chide jumin about his dumb lie and we get a fun bff conversation with them!

final VN where you show up to the penthouse and you and jumin establish the parameters of your “relationship”. you decide that you’ll both sleep in his bed, just in case a cleaning staff member walks in and notices that he and his partner sleep separately and it ruins everything. establish what physical contact is and isn’t cool, etc, etc. you also decide that when the time comes, you’re going to tell his dad that the entire debacle with sarah put so much strain on your relationship that you had to break up. the hope being that chairman han will feel so bad about ruining things for jumin that he won’t try to force him into something like that ever again.

days 6-8:

you have dinner with his dad and answer pretty typical “meeting the parrents” questions. he asks what you guys did for your first date and jumin tells a 100% fake story about taking you to dinner on top of the eiffel tower and kissing you beneath the stars and the chairman is satisfied. that doesn’t mean that glam and sarah are though. they decide to do some sleuthing to prove that you guys aren’t really dating.

this is the fun part where we get to hit most of the beats of ur typical fake dating story! you and jumin get to know each other really well, albeit kind of superficially (favorite foods, fun childhood stories, etc. etc. nothing too heavy yet.) you guys cook together for the first time, cue cg of jumin with like... idk tomato sauce on his cheek or something. you watch a movie together and elizabeth falls asleep on your lap and jumin dies on spot idk

this is also where your first kiss happens, and pretty much in the same way except its much more mutual and he doesn’t look at sarah this time because his focus is on trying to make it look like he doesn’t even care that she’s there because you’re the only thing he cares about. (which.... isn’t actually hard for him to do at all)

chatrooms are pretty typical for this timeframe — you guys all know the drill. the other members are like “wow they seem really close” and speculate on whether or not you guys are actually together. zen is worried that jumin is going to force himself on you (wolves, etc.). yoosung is jealous that jumin gets to hang out with you. jaehee is upset that jumin is neglecting his work.

VAGUE mentions of weird activity on the messenger, but nothing too serious sounding. just enough to make jumin nervous -- esp with sarah and glam on his back still. this is when he locks elizabeth up. 

 day 8, the chairman learns that sugar round is worthless and that glam and sarah have been duping him the whole time. they’re disgraced and are never heard from again so... problem solved but this also means that you and jumin no longer have a reason to stay “together”... and you’re both kind of falling for each other so obviously that’s no good. you spend one last night in the penthouse before resolving to break things off officially in the morning. the other members talk about how sad you guys both seem to be parting.

BAD STORY END 1:

if you shy away at the fake intimate gestures (hand holding, hugging, etc), and pointedly answer incorrectly when asked a question about jumin that you should know the answer to, your ruse fails and you guys are caught faking the relationship. to avoid the scandal breaking to the press, jumin winds up marrying sarah anyways.

the branch point for this one would be right before the kiss scene, if you’re on track for the good end then the kiss happens, if not, you’re forced to shove him away when he goes in for it, revealing to sarah that you guys are frauds.

the cg would be him and sarah at the press release for their engagement announcement. sarah’s all smiles and jumin is... pretty understandably miserable looking. a reporter asks him about the other person he was in a relationship with prior to his engagement to sarah, and he reads off a line about how sarah captivated him like no one else ever could in an emotionless voice.

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 1:

if you do fine during the VN portions, but aren’t active enough in the chats, then the fake relationship plan works, but afterwards its just... really awkward. once the whole mint eye thing ends you’re pretty much just excommunicated from the rfa since you... didn’t really seem to like them all that much.

day 9:

a huge attack on the messenger happens, coupled with explicit threats directed at mc, sending everyone into such a panic that ending your fake relationship is the last thing on anyones mind. jumin is so fucking scared that he’s going to lose you, and muses in the chatroom about why he’s more scared for your safety than he would be if it were, say, yoosung being threatened (cue yoosung’s crying emoji lmao). everyone else is like “well clearly its because you’re in love with them”

anyways. they decide its for the best if you continue to stay at the penthouse and in spite of everything, you’re both... kind of relieved lol. 

everything is all fine and dandy until elizabeth III runs away, ramping jumins anxiety up to 11 like... right away

this is where we really start to see behavior more along the lines of what happens in his route, you suggest the two of you leave and search for elizabeth, and he refuses to let you go, etc. etc. 

it sort of turns into a fight, but it all works out in the end. he tells you about rika and elizabeth and why she means so much to him, and you guys talk about how fear of losing someone important to him can’t rule his life, and that its one thing to be careful, but another entirely to try to control someone else’s behavior because of fear. 

you convince him to get some sleep, assuring him that elizabeth will turn up soon and that he’s going to be alright. you guys fall asleep next to eachother without even thinking about it. its not until jumin mentions something about waking up next to you in the chat the next day that the rest of the gang is like “uhhhh,,,, why are you guys still sharing a bed”

MEANWHILE lol seven and yoosung arrive at mint eye and find elizabeth, just like what happens in canon. they decide to bring her back tomorrow.

BAD STORY END 2:

obligatory mint eye ending. if you’re too aggressive and forward with jumin and don’t give him time to properly process his feelings, he doesn’t offer to let you stay at the penthouse, relying on seven’s assurance that the apartment is totally secure (it’s not). saeran breaks in and takes you away.

this branch happens pretty early in the day, before elizabeth escapes.

i thought about a cg for this one but tbh... there are so many saeran and mc at mint eye BE cgs that idk what i could come up with that wouldn’t be super derivative lol

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 2:

again, because you’re only talking to jumin and not the rest of the rfa, he assumes that you don’t like being in the rfa very much BUT he still likes you... a lot and is very worried about your safety re: hacker, AND because he still hasn’t really dealt with his issues regarding v/rika/emotions, you guys decide to just straight up leave lol. you move to a different country where he can pretty much continue doing his work remotely while keeping you safe.

the cg for this one is the two of you in a different cushy apartment somewhere. you’re making dinner while he works. its... stable, but noticeably stiff. neither of you are talking much and his dialogue is pretty stilted. its pretty clear that he regrets abandoning his friends and is unhappy.

day 10:

3AM chat with zen where he speaks entirely in thinly veiled hypotheticals about you guys. (“well, if i thought i could have a shot with someone i really loved, i think i would take that chance and tell them, even if i might get shot down. and even if that person was a huge ass who my sexy white-haired best friend hated. i would tell them how i felt”)

seven secures the messenger again and the threat is declared neutralized! you’re safe to go home but neither you nor jumin want that at all.

yoosung brings elizabeth back around 9, and it proceeds pretty similarly to what happens in his route: he’s wary about taking her back because he feels that he’s mistreated her, you’re like “whoa buddy you’re going too far in the opposite direction here” and you and v have to convince hm that its going to be okay. the only real difference is that v doesnt also have to convince him to let you go. he just says something about how the two of you seem to bring out the best in each other, and that jumin is brighter when you’re around. 

later, jumin (tries) to make you lunch using the cooking skills you taught him a few days ago as a final payment (since you refused actual money) for all of your help, both with his father and with elizabeth, but he winds up ordering in instead. its very cute BUT its super awkward because neither of you has said anything about not wanting to leave.

finally you have to face the music and pack your bags. you hug jumin goodbye and make him promise to still get lunch with you sometime before heading back to rika’s apartment sadly.

everyone is like “yo what the fuck???” and its actually yoosung of all people who is finally like “this is ridiculous. you two clearly have feelings for each other and you need to deal with it” 

jumin is absent from most of the chatrooms for the rest of the day  though, so he doesn’t really see anything until he forces himself to log on later that night and is like “oh”

and YES of course this is going to culminate in a typical romcom scene where he has driver kim race to the apartment so he can pound on the door and apologize to you and tell you how he feels!! maybe it even happens in the rain just to maximize romance. the important thing here is that you finally kiss him for real this time and its perfect.

BAD STORY END 3:

pretty much jumin’s BE2, if you werent assertive enough with him re: his possession/control issues on day 9, he never gets over them. when elizabeth is returned he locks her back up and insists that you continue to stay with him as well, canon BE2 ensues.

i gotta hand it to cheritz. its a really good bad ending and theres not much i wanna change about it. its so scary in a calm sort of way, which i think is the perfect vibe for a dangerously unhealthy jumin. if only people would stop fetishizing it lolol

party (GE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first

date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he then decides that the two of you have been there long enough to fulfill your obligations, and that no one could really begrudge you if you “took off” a little early. you guys fly to paris that night and have that dinner on top of the eiffel tower.

the ending cg isn’t a kiss one, but a more simple, sweet one of the two of you in a dimly lit restaurant, jumin listening to you talk with the most tender, loving look in his eyes.

party (NE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he laments the fact that if he was caught shirking responsibilities to take you on a real date, the press would have a field day with it, but promises to make it up to you, and take you out on a proper one tomorrow.

this cg is the two of you dancing at the rfa party, jumin resting his chin on the top of your head and daydreaming out loud about everything the two of you could do on your real first date.