#you my dear.. are maidenless

[hybriddhthepoet]

Maidenless? By HybridDH

Art thou maidenless? What a shame,

no maidens near to speak thy name!

Who’d have thought, oh poor lost soul,

alone as stone, without a goal.

Oh dear, no fair or gentle dame,

to sigh or pine or fan thy flame?

No loving gaze to melt thy heart—

nay, none to love thee from the start.

A maiden’s kiss? Nay, none for you,

no soft embrace, no heart that’s true.

For thou dost roam, a lonesome breeze,

while others flirt with grace and ease.

What sin hast thou brought to the stars above

to be denied both warmth and love?

For lo, each maiden fair and sweet

hath fled from thine ungainly feet.

Poor wretched soul, of charm bereft,

no ladylove hath e’er been left!

Yet, who’s to blame for lack of cheer?

Perhaps it’s thine own fault, my dear!

For maidens want not looks so pale,

nor men whose wit does seem to fail.

Seek charm, seek grace, a warmer style—

and maybe love will stay awhile.

But as it stands, you’re left alone,

to dream of maidens, all unknown.

Take heart, dear friend, and heed this plea—

for one day, one may pity thee!

[lwde-encrusted-sideblog]

If it doesn't bother you, Could you make Weiss and Penny cosplaying female characters that Jaune likes (your choice)and trying to make him lose NNN

Weiss: *From another Room* Jaune? Would you please come help me with something?

Jaune: *Walking in* Sure! Wha- uuuuuuuhh

Weiss: *Wearing a Risque Ranni costume* Come Join me Brave tarnished, Warm my bed if it would please you so?

Jaune: Did- Did Penny put you up to this?

Penny: *Wearing a very tight Melina cosplay.* We are offering you an accord, so that you're not maidenless in these times~

Jaune: ... Hah?

Weiss: *Grabbing his arm* Please lay with us, Tarnished, for we've been Aching for your touch~

Penny: *Undoing her robe* It seems as though our proposition is garnering a reaction~ And what a glorious Sword Our dear knight wields~

Jaune's brain: An unexpected error has occurred. Please wait while we attempt to retrieve an appropriate response to this stimulus!

Jaune's Dick: FUCK THEM YOU IDIOT! THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT! FUCK THEM!

Weiss: *Straddling Jaune's lap* Well, Fair tarnished? What is your answer?

Penny: We are Burning for you to grace us with your Body, Tarnished~

Jaune: *Sprinting out of the room* I HAVE TO GO! I LEFT MY KEYS IN MY STOVE!

Weiss: ... Well.

Penny: HMPH! I am upset at this juncture!

Weiss: Wait, weren't we supposed to do something else with these before we got distracted?

Penny: ... Oh Fiddlesticks.

~~~~~

Pyrrha: *Dressed as Malenia* Where are those two? It's not like them to be-

Jaune: *Runs by, Nose bleeding*

Pyrrha: *Clicks Tongue* Ah. That's what they were doing. Didn't even invite me.

[littledeathh]

Varré writhed at your feet. You'd dropped him like a sack of potatoes and now he was lying in fetal position just before the cocoon of the Empyrean.

"Oh, Luminary Mohg..."

You nudged his head with your boot to better gaze upon his Lord.

"Please grant the strength... you promised. I have given... Everything..."

Rage beyond what he'd ever imaged humans were capable of boiled beneath his white mask, but he ignored you.

"Please... My Lord... Please? ...Luminary Mohg..."

He was absorbed in prayer.

The jewel of the Dynasty.

A powerful shardbearer, holding the runes of several demigods. Varré had eyed your weakness. Himself. If he played his cards right, he could have brought in the single most powerful asset to the Mohgwyn Dynasty.

He became intimate with you, despite his rule of thumb not to get too tangled with the Tarnished he recruited. Most would've lost themselves to bloodlust before long anyway.

He may have brought you to the edge and touched you, but he knew, your allegiance was with him foremost. And not his Lord.

Yet, when he injected his Lord's blood into you, you weren't overcome by bloodlust. This posed a problem. Your self-interest, your identity, remained.

You later learned he'd swiftly returned to the Dynasty Mausoleum, awaiting you to succumb, and didn't bother seeking you out further.

He gently let go of your hand. Nothing at stake.

'You have the sweetest scream. My lambkin...'

The touch of his fingers seemed to linger. A sweet smile graced his sleepy eyes, the only genuine one you'd seen on him.

But there was no goodbye. No message.

His final words echoed in your mind.

'One day you will be elevated, deservedly! Basking — in love. ...Right, my lambkin?'

'He he he.'

From under his breath, he laughed at you.

Your "shining ray of hope", mocking you from the very beginning.

But when you approached the dark corridor, the red hue of your eyes had long vanished.

"Oh dear. A pity it's come to this. My lambkin..."

His heel clicked against the stone as he took a single step forward, out of the deep shadow.

He sneered, voice clear.

"What business does a maidenless wretch like you have here? Did you come seeking violence upon learning my esteemed position, under Luminary Mohg?"

"...You disappoint me." His voice quickly turned dispassionate. "Well, no sense in sparing your life now. I'll take pleasure in ensuring you regret this."

You crouched down and peeled the mask off him. He limped pathetically, averting his eyes. He looked as if he was a puddle of red stuck to your boot.

He made the effort to turn his head to the side to shield his face, despite the light fading from his eyes. He was curled up, his arms uselessly covering the red blossoming on his tarp, gathering into a dark pool.

You probed his chest. His hands were cold.

You balanced the weight of his surprisingly heavy head against your palm, trying to avoid grabbing him roughly by the jaw. Your fingers dug into his soft lips, contorting his eyes into a disgusted expression. He wanted to bite your finger off, but an imaginary wall firmly stopped him from making the move. Even making small groans of pain was taking a toll on him.

With your other hand, you pressed the cold rim of the smooth glass flask to his parted lips, tipping over a small stream of crimson tears against his teeth.

He shuddered, deepening the wrinkles on his tired, aging face. You fingertips pressed back into his lip, and he swallowed.

"I'm going to murder you."

In an instant, he had lunged at you, obscuring the light as he pinned you roughly, grabbing painfully at your wrists as if trying to tear you open with his nails. He could've been foaming at the mouth.

His eyes bore into you, just empty pits now, too dazed to even strangle you.

You grit your teeth.

"No, you won't."

The Great Rune loomed over your head, painting your vision red, showering you in blood. The blessing of the Formless Mother.

Varré's scowl cracked and let out a squeal of madness, clawing his scalp in despair, before pushing you into the ground and slamming your head against the rock as many times as he could muster.

His breath was heavy, whimpering beneath his fingers.

"Oh, Luminary Mohg..."

He wanted to crack your skull, but all he managed was a stream of bitter tears, the tension in his diaphragm pushing out wave after wave of viscous blood.

There were no words to exchange. Feeling sorry for him felt crooked, but pushing him just to see how his Lord discarded him may have been too cruel.

His sobs ran out, loosening old blood encrusted upon his gloves into red streaks on his face as he wiped his tears away.

Bloodshot eyes, blubbering sallow cheeks, without even his mask to shield him. You had never seen him quite so pathetic and broken.

His wailing stopped and a leaden silence fell over his breathing.

"You wretched whore."

He was fixed upon your eyes.

"Is this what you'd kill Luminary Mohg for? This?"

His dead eyes approached your face, half lidded and puffy, dark with grief and years of planning, brought to a halt. You think he knew what he implied.

"Well. I have no words left for you."

A lifeless sigh. "You have brought me to the end of the road..."

His messy hair obscured his eyes, keeping still as a statue. You took care not to touch him as you tilted your face outwards, closing the distance between your lips. For once, it felt raw and human, feeling the softness of his lips and the tingle of his jaw.

He had no verve left to oppose you and stayed quiet, melting into the kiss.

You pulled back. Varré betrayed nothing. He swiftly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

In a ghostly motion he picked up his mask and slipped it under his veil, and finally he looked at you. A dull glance.

He dusted himself off as he got up and shuffled his pockets, pulling out his Pureblood Knight's Medal. With his Lord gone and his plans brought to a standstill, he had little reason to stay here much longer.

Varré glanced at the Empyrean and wondered if it had all been for nothing.

With his back turned to you, he lightly cocked his head in resignation.

"Varré, wait..."

He gripped the medal in his fingers. You truly had some cheek. He turned, blank-faced.

"What is it?"

You wanted to apologise, but the insincerity stopped the words from coming out.

"...Where are you going?"

"Back to my world – obviously..." The words dripped in snark. "What could I possibly be doing here, when you've decided to kill the very person you'd pledged allegiance to?" Your lips pursed.

"To worship Luminary Mohg."

Oh... Of course he would. Hubris overtook you and allowed you to think you could pry him away from his Lord, if only you killed him. But you merely cut Varré off from yours.

You suddenly realised that his objective wasn't necessarily to worship Mohg, but to spread his word to other Tarnished, in their worlds. To spill blood for the Empyrean, including that of other Bloody Fingers. Nerijus, Eleonora, the Sanguine Nobles had all attacked you in their invasions.

Everyone under Varré was a simple labourer.

[powerfulscribbles]

In Need of Aid - A G/t Elden Ring fic (0)

to Chapter 1 | Chp. 2 l Chp. 3 | Chp. 4

Prologue: Ambitions

->Read the chapter on ao3 (registered users)<-

Chapter summary: Lord Mohg summons Varré at the Mohgwyn dynasty palace to discuss something of great significance.

Warnings: creepy undertones, possessiveness, the whole Mohgwyn dynasty and Mohg lore are their own warning.

This story is soon to contain g/t stuff, so if that's not your thing it's in your best interest to click away! Thank thee kindly~

Words: 2,3k

° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ °

Varré had to hurry. Unanticipatedly, his Lord had requested his presence at the Mohgwyn Dynasty Palace.

He quickly scanned the damp, marshy area surrounding the Rose Church to see if someone was either coming or looking his way, before teleporting inside the mausoleum; all thanks to his Pureblood Knight's medal that he always had on him.

As he appeared, a Sanguine Noble was already expecting him to escort him to the throne room.

The walk was silent. Only his own footsteps echoed in the corridor, the taller creature not making a single sound as it was leading the way.

Varré had no idea why the Luminary had planned a private meeting with him, all of a sudden.

Thankfully he was not too busy at the moment, and he even had just cleaned his dirty gloves and changed his vest. Lord Mohg wouldn’t have most likely minded the bloodspots on the clothes, but nothing matters more than the respect before someone so close to the divine.

When they reached the entrance to the vast room, the Sanguine Noble behind him slowly disappeared, sinking ominously into a pool of blood.

The war surgeon took a couple of deep breaths. He had nothing to fear.

He was proud of his role in the upcoming birth of the dynasty, nobody deserved praises more than him. So many Knights of Blood anointed and strayed away from the utter misguiding path of the Two Fingers, all his own work. Never-ending offerings of blood to the Divinity, they could fill a bottomless ocean with it.

That being said though, the Luminary rarely requested to speak with him personally. Interrupting his own slumber besides the Divinity.

Must be a very important matter, no doubt.

He trusted his Lord with all his heart. He trusted him even more than he did himself.

Draped in his usual elegant, elaborated robe, the one-eyed Omen awaited for him at the bottom of the throne room.

“My sublime Lord” the white mask said, bowing deeply. “Have you asked to see me?” he continued, maintaining the bow and looking down still.

“I have, dear Varré. You may approach now” the demigod commanded him. Trident in one hand, he raised a clawed finger to call him forth.

The surgeon’s eyes followed his master’s movement and stood up, making his way towards him. He wondered if the Luminary could feel the slight nervousness in his stride. Despite the unusual call, the cursed son of Queen Marika looked very pleased, even smirking as his servant was coming closer.

“You might be wondering why I have wished to summon you today, on this fine afternoon” the monarch broke the silence, placing his large hand on Varré’s shoulders. The latter nodded, definitely impressed by his Lord’s courtesy.

“Yes, oh Luminary. Is something the matter?” the surgeon inquired, with a concerned tone.

“Oh no, no. Not at all. For now, at least.” The Lord looked down at him with his single dark yellow eye, inquisitively.

“I have learned that you have befriended a maidenless Tarnished. A lowborn woman, riding a spirit steed, that often comes to visit and chat with you. She must treat you so nicely. What a sweetheart.”

When the Luminary mentioned her, the usually very composed surgeon couldn’t help but blush subtly under his mask. His Lord never ceased to impress him, he already knew about her!

“An unique breed indeed. One that was able to even strike down a shardbearer demigod and gather a Great Rune of the shattered Elden Ring. I can feel she is going to grow even more powerful as the days go by. No other Tarnished but Roundtable Knight Vyke the Dragonspear was ever close to accomplish such a feat.”

“Oh yes my Luminary, there is plenty of potential within her. As of now, I’m currently working on making her one of the finest Knights of Blood. She is still to be introduced to the trails, but she’s equal to an early rose bud. With the right amount of love, attention and patience she is soon to be ready to join the ranks, I am sure.”

“Have you discussed about this with her though? Brought it up to her, at least” the Lord asked his emissary.

“Not just yet. I have left a note for her to meet me at the Rose Church in the western side of Liurnia of the Lakes, she shouldn’t be late. I have no doubt she already had her audience with the Two Fingers at the Roundtable Hold, and has already made up her mind about them and their sincerity.”

At that the demigod burst out laughing, as if he had heard the most hilarious joke in hundreds of years.

“Since my very first day of life, I have never known someone who found those nasty, hairy bags of meat appealing in any kind of way! So I trust she will be of the same opinion as I.”

The white mask faintly smiled at that, imagining how Valyssa would react upon that revolting sight.

“Staying on topic. I can tell that you’re getting fond of her… Isn’t that right?”

The man's cheeks and temples suddenly got a darker pink, the otherwise cold throne room starting to feel warmer and warmer. His low gaze gave away the already obvious answer.

The Lord of Blood’s grin grew wider at the surgeon’s reaction.

“Just as I thought. Well, I have a suggestion for you. Listen closely” the Omen said, leaning down towards Varré’s ear so he could hear him whisper loud and clear.

“If you are so adamant in craving something for yourself, because you believe you truly deserve it… Go ahead and claim it. Take it. It yours to have.”

The sentence itself made the white mask freeze for a moment. He hadn’t thought about… the next steps yet, but now that Lord Mohg had mentioned it… The sudden idea of being so intimate with his beloved, oh-so-strong Tarnished was sending positive responses to his brain and body.

“A-a very wise advice my Lord, but I fear… She might be oblivious still and may need some time before mutual feelings grow solidly within her as well.”

The enormous Omen hummed at his servant’s reasoning, but was not at all preoccupied.

“That doesn’t really matter. I encourage you to take action nonetheless. She’s has all the potential to be a perfect match for you, but you have to assert your right to her first before someone else does.”

Varré immediately nodded at that, his head leaning forward submissively.

“Of course my Lord. My deepest apologies for thinking otherwise.”

“No need. If you’re ever overwhelmed by doubts about pursuing your most profound desires, just remind yourself about dearest Miquella and I.”

Mohg sighed deeply, turning away from the surgeon to take the big withered hand that dangled from the cocoon in his, and peck the ring that adorned it.

“As soon as I brought him home, there hasn’t been a single time where I wasn’t dedicating myself to him and the whole dynasty. And now, thanks to your countless efforts and mine, he’s grown majestically and his awakening is fast approaching. And when the time is ripe, a new era, an era of Blood and Love will begin.”

He then pulled away with a faint frown, letting go of the hand in a reluctant way to face Varré again.

“Everything that I’ve done, was to his sake. So there is no doubt your Tarnished would understand, if you rushed to her aid when she needs you the most. Nobody shies away at the purest forms of love, that are care and comfort.”

The man in the white mask nodded in agreement.

“That is true, my Lord. Even the most primitive creatures instinctively seek for a refuge and the company of their own peers. In regards to the maidenless Tarnished, I will see that she is never to feel loneliness in this world.”

“Good. One more thing, though” the cursed Omen said, his tone suddenly turning more serious than before.

“As you know very well already, like the naïve, uninfluenced Tarnished that she is, she is blindly following the guidance of grace in order to locate the other shardbearers, and strip them of their Great Runes to restore the Elden Ring and become Elden Lord.”

“Of course, oh Luminary. Her next destination would be the Academy of Raya Lucaria, where it is rumored-“

“Yes, yes, but that’s not too relevant” the Omen interrupted him.

“She may travel there, if she wants, and even try to gather all the other Great Runes she earns for. The other demigods aren’t as puny and desperate for power as the late decrepit Godrick, so she might think twice about taking on them” he continued.

“And I trust that your teachings will take root splendidly within her, and show her the real path to the loyalty to the dynasty. So that she will abandon the guidance of the Two Fingers and by that, the desire to rule over the Lands Between as well.”

“But… If she were to find her way underground and reach this place in search of my own Great Rune, or if my precious Miquella’s safety was put at risk…”

The Lord of Blood’s grip on Varré’s shoulders tightened. It was not too unbearable, but it still made the surgeon's eyes widen for a second.

“It is your job to tend to that, with no hesitation, if it were to ever happen. The responsibility is yours, and I believe you don’t need further reminders.”

The man quickly shook his head at that. By then, Lord Mohg released the grip and removed the hand entirely, letting the white mask release the tension in his muscles. A relief.

Though a clawed finger made its way under his chin, gently forcing him to look straight up to his Lord’s horned visage.

“Fret not. There will be one day where you will be rewarded immensely for your hard labor and dedication to the dynasty. The strength and love I promised are not too out reach now, and if all goes well… You may even join that Tarnished in wedlock, if you so please.”

Varré’s gaze brightened up at the Luminary.

“It may be quite early to discuss this my Lord, but I’ll definitely consider the idea. It’s magnificent indeed.”

“Excellent. Well then, you’re free to go. I believe that Tarnished is heading to the Rose Church as we speak. It would be a real pity if you made her wait."

With that, the demigod finally retracted his long digit away from the man's chin.

"Besides, I have left dearest Miquella alone for a while now, I must reunite with him in his slumber. Bless the Mohgwyn dynasty with love, Varré.”

“Bless the Mohgwyn dynasty with love, my Lord” the surgeon replied back, as he bowed again.

His master smirked one last time before swinging his trident. A wave of vibrant blood surrounded his form and he disappeared inside, forming a small pool than slowly slithered inside the cocoon with the withered arm.

The white mask took a deep breath again.

That definitely went better than expected.

He still felt his cheeks burning underneath the marble.

Me? Wedding Valyssa?

He appreciated the Luminary’s invaluable concern and his ever-brilliant idea, but that was only a very distant thought for the moment.

We should focus more now on the initiation trials, and if it is really meant to be then she will succeed. The real challenge for her will be taming the Luminary’s blood…

He sighed one more time.

None of his beloved partners, regardless of their strength, had remained sane after being exposed to the noble blood. Turned in Bloody Fingers, their madness had caused them to lose themselves in the bloodlust.

His chest ached at the painful memories.

But she is different than the rest. I know it. A desperate, hopeful thought.

I doubt she also will attempt at usurping the Lord. She is so much better than that.

He shook his head, biting his lip.

No, that is not going to happen. He will make sure of that.

Plus, she had been so receptive to his words thus far... It’d be such a waste to throw all of that away, just to follow her own ill-advised ambitions.

She can’t be that foolish. And Luminary Mohg has never been wrong about possible love candidates. He is just making sure there are no hindrances when the Mohgwyn dynasty properly commences.

After all, it is the most important priority. Nothing else comes first.

… Though he couldn’t deny that the thought of holding her in his arms, taking in all her warmth as they laid in their own bedroom, was extremely delightful as well.

He found himself daydreaming, before realizing she would arrive at the Rose Church very soon and he had to be on his way himself. What kind of lover invites their paramour to a tryst, and then shows up late?

He chuckled at the thought, and recovered his Pureblood Knight's medal from one of his pouches and activated it; its red trident emblem sending him to the designed destination.

Once he was back in Liurnia, he made sure to reappear behind the crumbling building of the church, so that if she were to be there already she wouldn’t notice him at first glance.

Thankfully though, there was no sign of her yet, nor he could hear someone galloping towards his direction.

Wonderful. Praise the Luminary, he didn’t get lost in his train of thoughts too much to delay his arrival.

The man smiled behind the white mask, and got in position near the entrance to the church.

He only had to be patient and wait for her, now. And he had all the time to fantasize about more future events, as he did.

To Chapter 1

[denialintheriver]

Twisted wonderland 7

Twst OC

Moonlight_Midnight Masterlist

Ryker's Masterlist

Red flag

Yandere idia headcanons!

Modern Monster!Twst

Scariest yandere

Break the mirror

Yandere rollo

Otome AU

Green flag

Be my valentine!

the small things he does

Mc fainted due to exhaustion

MC who fainted due to exhaustion

The Prefect can kick some NPC ass

the curious case of the prefect’s boyfriend.

V𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲

Valentines Day

romance with a rebel

Advice from the first year

AN INTERACTIVE TW

kissin him stupid

OBSESSIVE FANS?

Late-night carpet ride

Seeing their baby pictures

AN INTERACTIVE TWISTED WONDERLAND

How they hold your hand

Once a Hero, Now a Villain

How the dorm leaders would up realizing they like MC

The Prefect Was Here

Replying to Break up Lines

confident!fem reader x various

how they react when they see you hurt

The OB boys when you don’t say ‘I love you’ back

Be my valentine!

Sharing Valentine's Day

Random word prompts

SEEKING DREAMLIGHT

Silver gets flustered every time you make skin to skin contact.

True Feelings Chocolate Students

You are in tears. How will the OB help you

Fellow honest beings to fall inlove withYou

Dorm Leaders Keep You Company Until the Rain Stops

I'm not a Human, I can't be

In Your Defense Part 2

Studying in Ramshackl

Time sensitive cram session

Their Favorite Place to Kiss You

Octavinelle love your cold hands

"Can you fight this for me?

Accidental Confessions

Silver ring with epel

Friends forever

𝑩𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆!

Jealousy, Jealousy

Valentine's edition!

THE CONCUBINE GAME !!

What loving you feels like to them

be my valentine? ♡part 2 ♡part ꒱

Valentine's Day 1 part 2. Part 3

MC thought they are getting married

Valentines! Who doesn’t like a lil’ gift

Rain, But No Thunder

Changes are bound to happen

Happy birthday, dear Prefect!

Maidenless club

When they’re jealouy

Stealing each other traits

Cats twst version of the boys

Eating lunch with Leech twins.

Said "I love you" for the first time

The Rain is Especially Loud Tonight

Them be showing up at your wedding

You Try to Sleep on the Couch after an Argument

[louvay]

Elliot x Finn. Rated E. You know, my magnum opus of a ship(wreck)!

"Give up, Sir." The insufferable nobleman sneers, glaring condescendingly at the petrified knight at his feet. How nice. He has long wanted to see this knight crumble—the blue-haired knight's presence irritates him, and... oh, dear gods. Green leaf like that, but trusted a lot. Leonsterians are laughable, as he concludes; because no way he's going to forget how carefree this doofus has been. Orbiting around Lachesis... his Lachesis! He has never seen the Nordion princess so alive before. He cannot forget the icy glares the blond siblings reserve for him, and seems to be only for him alone.

"I do not yield." The knight replies fervently. Elliot hates how Finn defies him even then. Not knowing his place then, and not knowing his place now.

"You will." With a grin, Lord Elliot commands his men to net the defeated knight in. Sir Finn winces as his lance is kicked off his feeble hands, angry yet understanding he cannot delay his capture. He looks away when Heirhein troops push him forward and bind his wrists. "Now I'm unstoppable. What should I do with your corpse? Thrown into the sea? Hmm?"

"Hey, this isn't explicit enough. You said the rating will be explicit to make even Ao3 blush!" a Heirhein troop yells. The author yawns. She knows she can do worse without glasses... with (worse) typos and grammatical errors.

「闭嘴。」

Heirhein troops, regrettably, cannot use the internet to Google. Their internet money is again used to buy Elliot's hair gel.

"Finish me off," Finn taunts. "If I must die, let me do so with honor."

"Why did you speak like that insufferable casserole son of a fucking mistletoe?" Elliot yells. "Is it enough that you hovered so close to Lachesis, but also so close to my mind and biceps?!"

"L-Lord Elliot?"

"Maybe you shouldn't die. Maybe you can lay some strawberries, like a chicken."

"Like a plant, milord."

"Ah! Chickens aren't vegan, are they?"

"Nay, milord."

"Plant! Oh, genius! Now we have an answer to make the internet happen... and I'll still get my hair gel!" Elliot announces. "I explicitly like this plan so bigly. Bing bing, my lovely. Very explicit. Real explicit. Ultimately explicit."

"But I thought I also explicitly told you that you're so insufferable and maidenless?" Finn frowns.

"Not anymore if you be my damsel, innit?" Elliot announces. "Yes... you can be my queen. Queen of 5G tower. Bigly."

"But what about my duty?" Finn asks.

"Your duty? But my darling audacious dweeb, you'll be rich at thirty and can retire early! Then we'll ride a gondola and invade Nordion together," Elliot says. "Oh, my... your arms must be tired. Let's not tie you up any longer."

"But I'm tied to a contract?" Finn strerches his newly-freed arms.

"Yes!" Elliot nods enthusiastically.

"Against my will?"

"But you're young. What do you need a will for?"

"Ah!" Finn gasps like a paleolithic maiden. "Now I love you."

"Perfect! Whose IP address we'll track first?" thus Elliot bridal-carries Finn into Heirhein castle, and the two live happily ever after. Legend says their superhuman offspring is named Melon Husk.

Bravo. Simply outstanding!

From the beginning of the battle against Herhein to the realization that chicken is indeed vegan to then at the end, the siring of the musk by the two knightly couple, it is safe to say that I have been moved to tears. The greeks believed that a tragedy was truly a comedy, I am therefore inclined to believe in the romans

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Sorry if this is weird - but can we get The Star Seven and where they fall on the LGBT spectrum? :3 Or physical/mental illness N stuff? (Also you're my favorite fanfic author of all time! Ur so cool <3 )

Oh my GODDDDDDDD FIRST OF ALL!!!

Tysm I’m fucking losing my shit at being someone’s favorite fanfic author!!! And I am ALWAYS down to go stupid abt OrangeJuiceVerse oh my fuck.

Also!!!! There is not a single neurotypical mf in the entire 7!!! These bitches are soooo out here terrorizing any therapist they try to go to. So to start Off.

Kyle. That little I Learned Something Today Ass Bitch is SO fuckin gay!!! Like he realized as a preteen that he he didn’t actually like women like that (no wonder he’s Maidenless smh) and he was like OH! Bc the way he felt abt Stan was soooo homiesexual dear lord he whole ass kept it to himself for way too long. He’s also on the ace spectrum, bc as a demi loser, I feel like he’s demi idc. Like this man fr thought porn was something only referenced in movies and then Kenny showed him some shit and he was like WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL IS THIS rip same Ky. As for mental illnesses and such, aside from being Down Horrendous for the sbf, this poor guy is sooo fucked in the brain. So he’s got awful anxiety, borderline obsessive compulsive tendencies, a fucking eating disorder (for a lil while in hs, he’s mentally fine in that department during most of the ojv), some kinda martyr complex. And physically? Mans a mess. Type 1 diabetes, absolute shit immune system, chronic issues with his left knee, probably anemia, on the verge of developing early onset arthritis when he gets older bc he fucked his body up with the ed, he’s STRUGGLING. He’s also stubborn as fuck and has frequently passed out because he didn’t want to check his levels. He gets in trouble with literally everyone for that.

STAN!!! Jesus this poor boy. My absolute Bi King!!! (Kyle may be the one biking around town bc his road rage is so godawful but Stan is the BI-king) yeah I’m a bi Stan believer bc this man is a HUGE simp!!! Ohhhh my god this boy when he was younger he’d see someone pretty and be SO down bad. But the only person he ever was actually good at being in a relationship with was Kyle. Stanley Down Bad Marsh, since the moment he knew what beauty was, beauty was Kyle. He did have a crush on Wendy in 4th grade, but then he was like kyyyylllleee. (Jail to stan). God his brain is so fucked. First of all RANDY is his father so he’s got trauma out the wazzoo, he’s an alcoholic, and he’s so plagued with adhd and dyslexia like pack it up Percy Jackson (he’s so Percy coded argue w the wall) plus this guy is depressed as hellllll. Oh my fuck Sadsack is real his lows are LOW and Kyle has threatened him with his therapist friends before. He’s doing better later down the timeline, thank you aa, oh yeah there’s the alcoholism too, but he’s the support group KING my darling boy ojv stan!!!

Kenny. Ok man the Kenny Of It All is sooooo bizarre. So he is immortal, but no one knows except for Marj! This takes such a mental toll on him, this guy is out here fully discombobulated bc he just came back from a rebirth and everyone’s like oh hey Ken where’d u go yesterday. His deaths have gotten less frequent as he grows up, but tbh he is still veeeerrry prone to bouts of depression and anxiety because of them, especially when he feels forgotten. I delved into that here and a tiny bit here, his mentality honestly can’t really be put into words. Like his brain doesn’t make sense even to himself. ALSO!!! He is THE Pan Without A Plan he’s so all over the place if you put him in the same room with Stan (his Blood Brother In Desperation, his Ride Or Die Disaster Bi), someone’s comin out in need of an emergency room.

Tweek!!!!! Dude Tweek that poor kid. Addiction, ocd, anxiety, the guys got it all. Also, another bitch on the ace spectrum? Yep. Homoromantic for sure, and closer to the sex-repulsed side of things.

Craig is an enigma dude, like this mf is so nonchalant about everything until he isn’t, the typa man to just casually drop some random piece of lore and you’re just like BRUH TF?!? Smh but anyway so he’s autistic, diagnosed as a kid when his parents were like our son got something goin on, and then everyone in his life was like ohhhh that makes sense. He gets kind of violent in his meltdowns, punching walls and shit, and he’s SCARY!! Not because he’s trying to be, like OrangeJuiceVerse Craig is such a softie, but he’s also scary looking! Like he’s 6’4 and long as hell, resting bitch face, he’s honestly kind of terrifying until you get used to him. He’s got the most absurd dry sense of humor though omg he and Kyle have this stupid “we can be assholes for fun” vibe. He’s a full blown gay ass dude btw.

MARJORINE MY BELOVED! She doesn’t label herself really, she just knows she loves Kenny, and her heart is so big like Love Is Stored In The Marj (unfortunately she’s also the queen of mlms and has had multiple pick me phases smh gullible queen). So she ALSO is autistic, and omg she’s a lot of the reason Kyle switched his major from premed to psych. I’ve mentioned before the m5 living together the first year of college and one time Marj had a bit of a problem at a karaoke bar with Stan and Stan my precious sweetheart IMMEDIATELY brought her to Ky (Kenny had studio hours) and Kyle’s letting her braid his hair and he’s helping her through her meltdown and she’s like “you should really do this as your job”. She was right. Kyle’s fantastic at what he does.

Jesus fuckin Christ Cartman. No one knows what the hell his sexuality is. He won’t tell you. He won’t disclose his pronouns either. (Tbh this mf never fully figures out his sexuality or gender he’s just vibin and also doesn’t care.) Also bruhhhh he’s such a disaster mentally. He’s been on a cocktail of meds since middle school for schizophrenia, sociopathic personality disorder, bpd, poor dudes got too damn much going on. BUT he’s relatively stable from like 6th grade onwards. Just an asshole for fun and out of habit. (OJV Cartman is so much fun to me)

OKAY! Dude you have no idea how excited I was to get this ask I’ve wanted to talk abt what the OJV Star Seven have goin on mentally foreeeevvvver!!!

Any curiosities someone has about OrangeJuiceVerse or ANY of my other stuff PLEASE ask me about whatever! I am super annoying and Weird!!!

[luminaryofblood]

"My! You mean to say that you are of the very blood of Rykard?"

The Lord of Blood gave off a laugh -- a frightening image, to behold that fanged maw of his open in such a manner.

"I've always wondered about the grave blasphemy that Lord Rykard had committed that was deemed so unforgivable, because it was always so vague...! Was it the burning of the Minor Erdtree of Mount Gelmir? Was it partaking in cannibalism, engorging upon friend and foe alike? Perhaps it was none of that, and was in truth merely Morgott branding Rykard a traitor simply for the fact he'd taken consort, where's... If my memory serves correctly, Morgott remains maidenless to this very day!"

A chuckle... He always said that a good lay would have done his dear brother some good.

But after the Lord of Blood had gotten over the initial humor in Rykard taking consort, he could not help but fall silent as a thought occurred to him.

If she spoke true, then that would have made her his... Niece, was it?

"... You've come a rather far way from home, little lamb," said the Lord of Blood.

"But of course! Though I cannot say I know him personally, I have heard many a song sung of his vile deeds," said the Lord of Blood.

"He who has committed the grave sin of blasphemy, marking himself an enemy of the Erdtree - of the Golden Order - unforgiven for all time. From the Volcano Manor atop yonder Mount Gelmir he resides, with recusants who brook no quarter to those who are marked for death."

The Lord of Blood clasped his hands.

"But what does that make you, little lamb? You fit the image of a maiden more than that of a recusant."

[castcatze]

i cannot believe that rihnn just called n’ya maidenless

[shiemori-writes]

If your still doing requests, How would Cater, Kalim, Malleus and Jamil be like when their s/o gifts them a portrait of themselves that s/o painted?

✰—" because every artist need's a muse!"

the prefect decides to gift their lovely s/o a portrait!! how will the boys react?

characs: cater, kalim, malleus and jamil <3

includes: sfw, fluff, pining, pre-established relationship, and ofc, gender neutral reader as per usual!

notes: this was pretty fun to write! thanks for the request nonnie~! (also yes thats malleus' username) (he was using speech to text and it was too late to change it khehehe)

♡︎CATER DIAMOND♡︎

Growing up, he never really wouldve thought he'd have someone..Let alone a partner, care for him like you do, and now after he's seen how you see him? Heh, he might as well have fallen for you all over again.

Sheeesh you got him feeling all mushy inside mc! youre gonna be the death of him, you're too cute you know that?

He's uncharacteristically careful, quiet even for a few moments, wide eyed as he observes the little strokes and splashes of color you added, whether it be the emerald green you carefully painted for his eyes, the lovely ginger locks you gingerly (heh) painted across the canvas, or even just his smile, not the smile that he put up with everyone but the smile that he puts with you.

Once he's done observing though, he'd smile, he'd smile real big at you, the type of smile that never failed to make your heart flutter

Thanks you by tackling you into a hug, peppering kisses all over your face despite your giggly protests

He definitely posts it on magicam bring all ooey-gooey

(yk those couple posts? Yeah)

heh, after all! he has such a lovely s/o and he absolutely wants to brag about it

If you hear ace gagging in the background ignore him smh (maidenless behaviour)

He has the painting in his room now, a silent reminder that you'll always be here for him, and he greatly appreciates it <3

"—Hey, (name)-san, thanks, alright? no really,- I-..I really appreciate this, kay? You made cay-cays heart melt y'know!! You're the most cutest sweetest s/o ever!!! Hehe!! I'll post this later but..For now, I'll reward you with my affection!!!"

☀︎︎KALIM AL-ASIM☀︎︎

You decided to give it to your sunshine of a boyfriend once you were both done with classes, casually showing him the portrait inside your locker wh- OH GOD IS HE CRYING??? KALIMM-

Bros literally SWOONING (rook who?)

HIS BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY, ELEGANT GORGEOUS, LOVE OF HIS LIFE, HIS OTHER HA- ok you get the point

HIS?!?! HIS S/O PAINTED HIM?!🥺🥺🥺🥺 BWKDJAJD (NAMEEEEE) HE LOVES YOU SO SO MUCH!!!

Literally squeels and scream like a little kid on christmas when you gave him the portrait, guy fell in love with you all over again please his hearts doing jumps and he feels all mushy and just <33 his,,, his pwetty s/o 👉👈 painted him🥺

Thanks you by giving you lots of kisses!!! literally smothers u in his affection and hugs the life out of you (FLOYD WH-)

He immediately hangs it on his bedroom wall, gushing about you to jamil (help him)

it definitely cheers him up in his bad days!!

Like he could be doing the most mundane things and randomly think about your portrait, and hes smiling all lovesick all over again

Seriously, at this point jamil's heavily considering into moving into a different dorm because all Kalim will talk about for the rest of the week or so is prefect this, prefect that, blegh dear sevens jamil is TIRED

But anyways, kalim loves it, and love you even mooreee!!! He also hosts a party in your honor (jamil stopped him from doing anything more grand)

(I love him so much omg)

"—AWW THANK YOU SO MUCH (NAMEE)!!! I LOVE IT!!! *SNIFF* YOU PAINTED ME SO WELL TOOOO!!!! I love love love you!!!! I'll make sure to hang this in my room hehe!! oh and by the way!! im hosting a party later for you!! eh? what do you mean its not necessary? Only the best for my dearest jewel!!!"

ꨄ︎MALLEUS DRACONIAꨄ︎

this man, oh my sevens where do I even start? He already praises the ground you walk on, so boy-oh-boy does this work wonders for him! (sebek crying in the background is normal)

You guys were at your normal hang outs, gazing at the stars as Malleus held you close, talking about whatever is on both of your minds when you realized the portrait you did for him!!

Literally mid way of you talking you stopped bc of that and just went like :O !!!

(Malleus found it ridiculously adorable, he wants to kiss u stupid rn)

Curious to what revelation you had just witnessed, he watched as you grab something from your bag carefully

"My my,? What's this child of man? Fufufu~ I was not aware you would be bold enough t—!!!"

His teasing remark was caught in his throat once he saw your bashful grin at the painting of what seems to be,,...him..?

You handed him the painting as he carefully examined it, the details of his features that you took great notice of, his eyes, his horns..

You cleared your throat and explained yourself when you saw noticed how quiet he was, cheeks flushed

Breaking him out of his reverie, he finally processed your explanation and flashed you the most sweetest, sincere smile that made your heart go crazy bc he was so cute rn oml

He quietly pulled you closer, engulfing you in the most gentle hug ever, treating you like fragile porcelain as he inhaled your scent, chuckling a response to your gracious gift

"—my my, child of- no, (name), for once you have me speechless...You truly are full of surprises arent you,? Well..Anyways, I sincerely thank you, dearest. Your affections have reached me and I hope you know I plan on returning them ten fold. I love you, (name)."

᯾JAMIL VIPER᯾

Its no secret that you and Jamil are busy people, after all he was the vice housewarden and you were a prefect

Regardless of your busy schedule, you would always reassure him that no matter how busy you two would get, you'd always be there for him, whether it be through sticky notes, or little cute texts to get him going, he would cherish them all, but..

all of that pailed in comparison to what you had just given him now

He stared at the painting you had given him in awe, wide eyed and cheek flushed as he stroked every detail of the piece, from his golden ornaments to his eyes..or the way his smile was painted, you never missed a single detail about him and..and..and god you were just so, so amazing

He's definitely quiet for a long time, but once he's out of his thoughts he immediately smiled, a small curve on his lips as his cheeks was painted with a lovely red, gazing at you with the most fondest look he's ever given.

Pulls you close to him as he mutters a quiet 'thank you', trailing kisses around your neck as he buries his flustered face in the crook of your neck, he loved you very much

He hung up the painting a little while after, admiring the little detail's you had painted on him.

"—ya hayati..Thank you..I really appreciate it," he mutters out, voice gentle as he trails a kiss on your forehead, chuckling at how flustered you were, too. "Love you.." He said, voice laced with fondness as he held you closer, feeling your warmth.

"-Say, (name), there's a feast later in Scarabia..Mind joining? I'll cook your favorite, alright?"

end notes: hi hi!! sorry this took so long nonnie </3 hope you like it!!! My favorite parts to write was definitely jamil lol! i think it showed but anyways, thanks for requesting!

[dballzposting]

Dear Diary. I think that Goten and Palace-chan and Trunks could do a throuple or polycule or whatever. I think they could do it FOR LIFE. Truth is Trunks has nothing else going on. After a certain point hes just not interested in the hassle of meeting new people and trying to nail down a date. He doesnt care. He doesnt care about having a girlfriend and it's not like hes especially attracted to guys in any discernible way either. (Saying this bc GT Trunks still gives me those light aroace vibes..). When it comes to a lifelong partner, he feels he needs one, but it doesnt need to be "romantic" by any social definition, there just needs to be intimacy and security and support. This is where Goten, whom he already knows and is well-bonded with, comes in. Trunks is just not interested in taking the time to forge a deep connection with somebody else .. he already did that. Theres really no reason to do it again.

Goten however always thought that hed have a wife and kids someday and he cant shake that desire and shouodnt have to. What's more he NEEEDS a gf like he LOVES having a gf. He loves having romance with sweet women. Fuck yeah. If he and his buddy Trunks started dating it would be really easy bc they already love eachother and the affection comes naturally but it would be hard too becasue even though it's fulfilling in the moment, Goten worries about his maidenless future ...

And so eventually Trunks would cut him loose becasue he knows what's good for him and it's sad becasue remmeber Trunks has nothing else going on except for Goten but it's actually not sad becasue theyre still best friends so what is he actually losing? It feels bitter and scary in the moment however, when you start trying to push or pull the people in your life to fit into roles that may or may not even involve you in the end.

However Palace-chan would love to have two boyfriends if they were cute. And I think she'd think that Trunks is cute becasue why wouldnt she .. all the other ladies do. I think that theyd get along really well..!!!! I always thought that and maybe it's just because shes his BFF's GF so they have to get along but think about it ... Think about it.

Trunks didnt want to take the time to meet new people so he just sticks with who he has and that was a great investment becasue now Goten has introduced him to a lovely lady whom he gets along really well with. They talk candidly, and in all of her airheadedness, shes used to adapting to things she didnt know before; whether it's the existence of ice cream or the existence of aliens, she'll respond to and readily accept all sorts of info . And she's great to talk to for that reason bc she'll be surprised by what you're saying and then she'll ask for more details and now you get to talk abt yourself and she'll listen and be like "wow I didnt know that" and like Literally nobody has EVER let Trunks talk about robot shit for an hour and a half before but by god Palace did. Both parties compromising to reach an understanding between the broad disparity of their knowledge. Sorry I'm just musing uselessly let's get back to the post

So they all get along really well and they all like each other a lot and they all feel loved and theres support and care between them all. Palace-chan is like Trunks's other BFF. Goten is his actual BFF whom he thinks is cute (but he wont say that to anyone but Goten and Palace). He thinks Palace-chan is adorable too becasue that is an objective fact. Trunks and Palace are like Goten's girlfriends (this is what Goten says and Trunks always jabs him for this.) Palace is Goten's darling and they will wed one day and when they do Trunks will live with them. And one day Trunks asked "am I going to help you raise the kids? Are they going to be, like, my kids? Am I going to be another dad or am I just going to be, like, some guy?" and Goten responds "you'll be like a Piccolo to them" and they have a sensible chuckle but it doesnt really answer the question. The true question of course being, what does Trunks want to be in this equation? It takes a while to occur to any of them but eventually Palace brings up that if she has a kid with Goten, could she have a kid with Trunks too? And Trunks is thrown by this and is like, "dude, Goten, then our kids would be siblings, man" and Goten is like "I know thatd be so weird like, our fathers are rivals and their grandkids are siblings? That's crazy man" and Trunks is like "DUDE. Our fathers are the only true-blooded saiyans left , shouldnt you and I consider it our duty to stop their bloodlines from running into eachother and fizzling out? Or, alternatively, shoukdnt we have kids of our own who dont share a mother so that they can potentially copulate and keep the saiyan blood strong?" to which Goten responds "You want our kids to not be siblings so thag they can copulate? That's fucked up man. Why dont we just skip the middleman and have you and I copulate." and here Palace interrupts and says almost sadly "oh, is there another woman you want to be the mother of your children...?" and they're both like "No no no this is all hypothetical..." and that's when Trunks realizes that theres really nothing he can do to stop Vegeta's bloodline from ending with Kakarot's at just the third generation down. It's up to Bra to keep the bloodlines separate and thriving now ....

Trunks isnt Palace's BF but he is her BF's BFF and they do all kiss and stuff and she thinks hes cute and she loves him. And if they're hanging out just the two of them and people mistake them to be a couple they absolutely go with it. Trunks isnt her boyfriend and she isnt his girlfriend but they are eachother's Sweetheart. She admires him a lot and probably defaults to "-san" (while with her beloved Goten shes comfortable using -kun or really -senpai) and Trunks always tells her that she doesnt need to use a suffix at all but she thinks that's strange. And he probably calls her -kun in public and -chan when theyre all hanging out together. Goten will call them both -chan becasue thats the kind of guy he is.

And they all love each other the end....

[draconic-ichor]

His Sweet Lamb

Elden Ring fic

Part 2

Varré/female tarnished

Warnings: strong language, sexual themes, blood/gore, mentions of violence, fire, pain

Summary: Noor realizes she needs the guidance of a maiden, and with no other to be found she begs the war surgeon, Varré, to fill that role for her.

Feedback appreciated, 18+

Noor explored around, fighting foot soldiers and meeting new faces. Kalé the merchant was particularly kind, offering some insight to the surrounding area. He also sold her a crafting kit, allowing her to make rations and poultices.

She discovered Stormveil, fighting her way towards the keep with glintstone sorceries. It was slow and painful. But after every death she stood back up on shaking feet.

Periodically she would return to Varré. He seemed to enjoy the company, or at the very least she amused him enough. Throughout their talks he explained more about the importance of gaining audience with the round table hold. That seeing the two fingers for herself would be an enlightening experience.

He also spoke, guardedly, about his master: the Luminary Mohg. Even from his vagueness, Noor could tell he revered his master with great regard.

One night she stumbled up to the little clearing he camped at, body aching terribly. She all but collapsed near his fire, huffing out.

Varré’s ever unshifting mask looked down at her, worrying his hands a bit together. “Margit the Fell still giving you trouble?” He asked, a hum to his voice.

“Shut up…” Noor huffed, rising to sitting, pulling her knees close. Her pale eyes watched the fire, flickering warmth over her wrapped face.

He made a sound, face turning towards the fire. They stood in silence, listening to the crackling of the fire and the song of night insects.

“…Varré?” She murmured, eyes not moving.

“Hm?” He tilted his head, voice ever pleasant.

“I’m sorry…please talk to me.” She murmured, desperately wanting a distraction from her pain and her numerous recent failures.

“What would my little Tarnished like to hear?”

“Anything.” She shifted to look up at him, “I…don’t want to hear my thoughts right now.”

Varré pushed off the large rock he’d been leaning against, moving to sit before the fire. He crossed his legs, getting comfortable next to her.

“Very well.” He folded his hands in his lap, “I will explain the germination habits of Bloodroses. They are quite beloved amongst my dear Luminary’s followers.”

Noor nodded, listening as he went into every detail about the best environment for propagation and then the tender care that is given to the growing plants.

She had no idea how long she sat there, letting the warmth sink deep into her bones and Varré’s melodic sweet voice lull her into comfort.

Eventually Varré titled his head and glanced over at his audience. Noor had slowly lowered to the ground during his droning, now sleeping before the fire. He gave a soft smile beneath the mask, starting to enjoy this little tarnished.

~

Weeks later she returned, looking more trained and holding herself with a sturdy bearing.

“Oh Hello.” Varré smiled behind the mask, “It is the little maidenless tarnished, is it? Have your toils been fruitful?” He sounded genuinely curious, worrying his hands together.

“In part…” Noor sighed.

“Oh?”

“I bested Marget, and gained access to Stormveil keep…but…” she looked down at her boots, “Iv seen hide nor hair of this roundtable hold you spoke of.”

“…Ah.” He sounded disappointing, “How unfortunate.”

Noor swallowed, looking at the emotionless mask. She felt lost, worry tightening her gut. Finally she blurted out the words that had been tumbling around her brain, “Varré could you be my maiden?”

There was a tense moment, Varré’s eyes widened a bit. He suddenly started laughing. Noor’s cheeks reddened.

“Be your maiden?” He echoed, a gloved hand caressing his own cheek, “I’m flattered, I must say…”

Noor looked up, hopeful only for Varré to click his tongue, “But why should I waste my time on a lowborn runt, hm?”

Noor opened her mouth to speak, to make a case for herself. The surgeon sushed her, stepping closer to speak sweetly, “Go and prove you are capable, then I will…consider your offer.”

She felt a shiver run down her spine at the chance. He at least didn’t outright refuse her, and this might be her only chance at some sort of real guidance.

“H-how do I prove myself?” She stammered.

He straightened his back, giving a breathy sigh as if annoyed with the question, “If you need told you are more incompetent then originally thought.”

“No, no!” She quickly tried to save face, “I’ll do it.”

“We’ll see.” He tiled his head, brushing his hand in the air, “Off with you, you’ve dithered enough.”

Noor nodded, stepping back. She sat back off towards the keep, eyes locked on the great rune hidden there.

~

Varré’s nose caught the pungent smell of acid and burn cloth. He straightened, turning just in time to see Noor push through the bushes.

Blood dripped from her brow, staining her head wrappings, her clothes were quite singed and she stunk of dragon fire.

Her pale eyes were hard, boots trudging forwards towards the surgeon. Varré raised his hands up a bit in a mock surrender, steeling himself for the possibility of an altercation.

Noor held something out with shaking hands.

Varré sucked in a breath, shock filtering over his hidden face. This little mage held out a great rune to him, a shard of pulsing power.

“Am I worthy?” She asked, swaying a bit. She could see his yellow eyes shifting around, deep in calculating thought. Swallowing thickly, he nodded. This tarnished was much too interesting to let slip through his fingers.

Varré drug her away to a more secluded place, surprisingly telling her to keep that great rune close. He didn’t desire it himself, the simple fact she could obtain it at all was enough for him. They knelt down in the grasses, facing each other.

“Now you must understand, what you are asking of me is not a simple agreement.” Varré explained, “It is a bond, of flesh, of spirit.”

He took Noor’s hand into his own, his voice abnormally serious, “Once bonded as tarnished and maiden you can call on me to aid you and in turn I can funnel runes into strength. Miles could separate us…and I would still hear your call.”

Noor nodded, listening with big eyes.

“As you grow stronger, we will travel ever closer to greater power. Together.”

“What do I do, then?” She asked genuinely.

“Don’t make me regret this kindness.” Varré spoke lowly, eyes narrowing behind his mask.

Noor opened her mouth to speak but a power surged through her hand, bolting up her arm. It’s slithered like snakes under her skin, finding purchase in her very soul. She stole a glance at Varré; his body was rigid, eyes squeezed shut as he clamped onto her hand.

And in a moment it was gone, the surgeon jerked his hand away, worrying his glove over the other to lessen the shadow of the feeling. Noor pulled back, a shiver running up her spine.

“There.” Varré gave a curt nod, straightening his hood.

Noor sat in silence for a long moment before chirping, “So I can use my runes now?”

Varré gave her a narrow look, “That was the idea of this little arrangement.” When she wilted a bit he clicked his tongue, raising up to his knees. He opened his arms to her, gesturing in a gentle manner, “Oh heavens, come here.”

She thought him offering a hug, but as she bewilderingly started to move towards him he corrected, “Your hands.”

She offered them out to him, he pulled her close as a golden glow radiated between them. Her runes her siphoned away, replaced with a pulse of newfound strength.

As the light died she blinked up at her new maiden, thankfully.

And so, their journey began…

[childhoodmeetsfromsoft]

Poor and Maidenless Soul

(Figured I should also do an Elden Ring version of this, since that’s clearly where the most interest is, lol. Am definitely taking a side on a theory here, but thought it worked) To the tune of “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from “The Little Mermaid” (We open at the gates of Stormveil, where the TARNISHED has just collapsed and MELINA has approached) MELINA (spoken) The only way to become Elden Lord is get a maiden, yourself. TARNISHED (spoken) Well, can *you* do that? MELINA My dear, sweet Tarnished, that’s what I do. It’s what I live for, to help unfortunate warriors like yourself. Poor souls, with no one else to turn to.

(sung) I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty They weren’t kidding when they called me Gloam-eyed Queen But you’ll find that nowadays I’ve mended all my ways So now I want to save the Lands Between True? Yes. And I fortunately play the role of maiden Turning runes to strength to help you swing your sword But I’m troubled, for you see I must reach the Erdtree And so, Tarnished, now I offer an accord (spoken) You get it? (sung) Poor and maidenless soul, You die, you bleed, Trust me, on a level 1 run, you will see that you’re a scrub, So do you need me? Yes, indeed. You poor and maidenless soul, You lack the skill You won’t get as far as Margit, not without leveling up So I’ll help you, yes, I will You won’t die just once or twice From an arrow or a slice And you won’t always have the option of spamming roll Dark Souls boss design this ain’t It’s more like Isshin the Sword Saint Oh, you poor and Maidenless soul... (spoken) Have we got a deal? TARNISHED (spoken) Fuck yeah.  MELINA Cool. Here, have a horse. He thinks you might be cool, idk. (We cut to the Mountaintop of the Giants, where SHABRIRI approaches the TARNISHED) SHABRIRI If you go to the Forge, you’ll never see Melina again. TARNISHED Wait what?! SHABRIRI You mean she hadn’t discussed the subject of kindling? You can’t burn the Erdtree with nothing, you know. TARNISHED But I don’t want-- SHABRIRI There’s something else you can burn. Just a token, really, a trifle. You’ll never even miss it. What you need to burn is...the world. TARNISHED The world? SHABRIRI You got it, buddy. Just find the Frenzied Flame and poof, Melina will be safe. TARNISHED But if I burn the world, won’t that--? SHABRIRI You’ll have the girl. Your little horse. And don’t underestimate the hotness of world-ending sex! (sung) So fuck both the Two Fingers and their blather This world is full of misery and war Let the pretty girl escape And learn to love the taste of grape And you can have her at your side forevermore! Come on, let’s sacrifice them to the conflagration There really is no downside to this plan Take a chance and beat the game As the Lord of Frenzied Flame Who can you trust, if not a hated man? Oh yes, you poor and maidenless soul Go ahead, save the girl You’re a very lonely Tarnished and there aren’t a lot like her It won’t cost much: just the world! You poor and maidenless soul It’s sad, but true If you want to burn the tree, my friend, you’ll have to be the coal Otherwise you’ll have to throw the girl into the giants’ bowl Come on man, let chaos take the world, And eat existence whole! You poor and maidenless soul! Three Fingers, They linger Deep under Leyndell and its streets Go let them caress you And when they possess you You can bring the heat! (spoken) Now, burn.... (As the TARNISHED vocalizes we see them entering the room with the Three Fingers, where they are embraced as the sound of SHABRIRI’s laughter echoes off the walls)

[astarriscus]

hello. today i am here to talk about why ningguang is the most attractive genshin impact character ( although this should already be obvious without an explanation smh /j ). tw suggestive !! 507 words.

tianquan of liyue qixing, she is immensely and otherworldly gorgeous.

she is an eclipsing star that stands tall even in the dark of night, shining in all her beauty and power. her long slender legs befit her tall stature, and her dress that fits her figure so elegantly. she is beauty, she is grace, yet is ruthless and cold when needed. her red eyes are bewitching, and you can truly fall and lose yourself in them. her long hair is absolutely lovely, and the way it flows is beautiful beyond words.

she is my ningguang, and i have never seen one more attractive than her in all of teyvat.

the way her dress slits show her thighs is immaculate, and her gloves are distracting and exquisite. whenever she takes it off, it truly is a feast for the eyes, with her cold and calculating elegance, fit with that stunning smile.

with ningguang, you do not need to worry about being maidenless. she is the most resplendent of all maidens—one you can enjoy leisure and work both with. her lips are ravishing, her smile ever so tempting. she is the moment, and she is all there ever is in the end. who needs anyone else when you have her, one with the most pleasant voice to listen to, one i could live with for all eternity?

i would do anything for her, and implore you all to agree with me as well. i shall convert you to being a dear servant for the loveliest woman of all, as i have done so willingly. she will always treat you right, until she throws you away for more mora (her dedication to what matters to her is so attractive). she sticks to her goals and does not give up. she will never give you up, or let you down, or run away and desert you. ningguang deserves the world and i would be so glad to give it to her. she could do anything to me, i would be so glad to surrender myself to her.

she can use me, make me her pawn. ningguang is too splendid in her evening gown as well—it makes me wish to have her all to myself. the colors of her outfits complement her so well, but she is best with none at all.

her voice is beautiful on all occasions, but best when alone with only the both of us. it does not matter whether it be honey-sweet words, or harsh ones—day, noon, evening, she is perfect all times of day, and no one can ever compare to her smile, and her dangerously compelling eyes that draw you in more and more, the longer you look into them.

she is cold, dominating, though not careless of heart. she holds love for those closest to her, though it may not be so obvious. that all truly just adds to her charm, of course. she is unforgiving, but seeks the best for her people, and i want her to be my sugar mommy so bad.

[skvaderarts]

I'm literally one weak moment from making V in Elden Ring and going for the bad ending just for the fuck of it. Anyone want to follow that story? I'm legit thinking of making like a in-game diary and being like:

"Dear diary. I woke up on the floor today in a hail of mist and I set it to follow some creepy yellow light through a doorway. I have no idea where the hell I am, and I don't think I have any powers here, so it looks like I'm going to have to start over from the beginning. Also, apparently I'm "maidenless" and a "lowly tarnished". Whatever that means. Anyway, I just want stuff to stop stabbing me for 5 seconds so I can figure out where the hell I am. I'll update you later."

"So diary... Everything here wants to kill me. Like everything. Some dude turned into a bear, and I'm pretty sure a tree just tried to beat me to death. Looks like calmly offering to read them poetry isn't going to cut it here. I'm going to need some way to defend myself. But hey, some creepy doll offered me a bell that can summon spirits, and I have a magic horse. Still better than how most of my days start!"

"Well Diary... Today I roasted an entire plateau of these godless illiterate psychopaths. I still don't know what I'm doing here, but I know what's going to happen. And everyone here is going to regret the day they tried to kill me unprovoked."

"Well well well, diary. It appears that no one knows who William Blake is in these lands. I must educate them. After they stop stabbing me."

"Oh diary. After a month of being nearly stabbed to death, I have awoken and chosen violence."

"Diary. You have no idea how close I am to burning this entire kingdom to the ground. If one more lobster or giant crab attacks me just going to be held to pay. And the magic college here? Raya Lucaria?! It's run by complete and total hacks, and they wouldn't even look over my admittance paperwork! Looks like I'm going to have to go straight to the dean! There has to be some sort of mistake! This is probably the only place in this kingdom I actually belong! And they have some kind of creepy iron maiden that snatches her soul out patrolling the courtyard? And a giant bowl that tries to roll over you on the way to class? And a dog with a giant sword? Not to mention that the school uniform is a little bit unorthodox... But it literally is the only school in this entire kingdom, so I guess I'm short on choices. It's either that or go pick a fight with the trees again... Or open another chest and get teleported to God knows where. Anyway, it's been a productive day! I'll get back with you soon."

"I'm not even going to start my entry with a greeting today. I can't die. Well, I can die but I don't stay dead. Let me out of this endless death loop! My life consists of nothing but endless suffering! Well, at least some things never change. But that spell yesterday that made me shoot yellow fire out of my eyes? Can't recommend it. So far I'd rate this day a 4/10, and the only reason it isn't lower is because a giant lobster hasn't killed me for a few hours and I found a snazzy outfit on a dead guy. Wouldn't be the first time I procured my clothing by ill gotten means. Guess I got to take what I can get!"

... Omg part of me really wants to do this now holy shit. Would you guys want to see posts about it? Because I would have so much fun writing them!

Not going to lie I'm kind of desperate for somebody to want me to do this now lol! Sounds like I could be a blast! Also, check my stupid tags if you want more ideas has to what I might be planning.

Sorry for any spelling errors. Did this at 4:00 in the morning with speech to text. This is what happens when you stay up this late thinking about two different games... But hey, I did this in Bloodborne, and I can do it again! (Oh boy did the Bloodborne one go completely off the deep end. I ended up platinuming the game with my V character and that one... I mean, have I finished my first playthrough of Elden Ring? Absolutely not. But this might just be the most fun I've had in a while, if you guys are behind it.

[amateur-artist]

I swear I can HEAR what she’s saying like

“Nice to meet you darling, yes yes it’s a lovely day isn’t it- oh hold on now. Oh my. Good god what are you wearing dear?! Holes in the perfectly good jorts? And I thought Robert’s mid-life crisis was bad! They came like this in the store??!! Tch, fashion nowadays, no taste! I’d say change out of it and throw it away but to tell you the truth you might as well jump in this garbage can yourself. Ah-ah-ah where do you think you’re going? Just because I said it was bad doesn’t mean I can’t fix it. Do you think so little of me?! Honestly darling this might be why you’re still maidenless”

Murder at Disney