#you might have to come up with new standardized symbols idk

[sidereon-spaceace]

Trying to be normal in class cuz. Blueprints are just a bunch of two-dimensional profiles of a 3 dimensional part

So if you had three-dimensional holograms you could detail the appearance and measurements of some 4 dimensional hyper-object. In theory.

[sparrow-ceiling]

OK SO CAN WE TALK ABOUT CHARLIE'S WEAPONS AND HER FINAL BATTLE DESIGN

ik i already made a whole post abt everyone's final battle designs (if you want to see it check under my hazbinposting tag, its literally just me gushing), BUT I wanted to make a new one for Charlie because UGH

OK. So her costume stays fairly the same throughout the battle, the cute little dress with the heart on the front, which is so real of her. I mentioned this in the other post also but I thought it was really cute how Charlie usually wears pants, and Vaggie usually wears a skirt, but it switches for the battle. Idk if that has any like. Metaphorical meaning but i think it's cute.

For the weapons, we start out the battle and we see Charlie with her shield. Which yes is a very Charlie thing to have: she's a very protective character, all she wants to do is keep her people safe.

But if you LOOK AT THE shield. GOD, look at the shield. First of all, it's so pretty. Everything in this show is so aesthetically pleasing guys. BUT. There are literally FOUR visual motifs on this shield, plus colors (which are mostly just the normal color palette, but also relate to her and her father). SHIELD MOTIFS. It has (1), the wings. She's angelic & she's powerful (since Angels are kind of a symbol of power and heirarchy.) She has angelic blood from her dad, it doesn't seem like she has actual wings, but she definitely does hav the power that is associated with those wings. The wings also might be a nod to Vaggie's wings.

The shield also (2), looks like an apple. It has the little leaf in the back, and the core in the middle. Lucifer DEFINITELY also has a lot of apple imagery, so that's something she gets from her dad, to, another nod to where her power comes from. We also have (3), the snake. This might be a bit of a stretch but I'm pretty sure that part around the core of the apple that goes down into a point is a snake, which is also associated with Lucifer. Most of the motifs on the shield are a nod to her dad, to her power and where she gets it from. Also beyond physical power, she gets emotional power from her dad. She looks up to him, idolizes him, and she gets confidence from her connection with him.

The fourth and probably-not-final thing that the sheild has is its shape. This was honestly the fist thing I noticed about the shield, and you can really see it well in the above image: the shield is in the shape of a heart. As a Stranger Things fan, of course I am partial to heart shields. Just like Mike, Charlie is the heart of her party. She's the strength, she's where the love and the joy and the connection comes from. Sir Pentious, for example, only gets heart motifs in his design once he gets his heaven redesign, but Charlie has heart motifs in her design from the minute she steps on the battlefield. Look at her dress. That heart, that love, is a part of her. Love is so intrinsic to her personality and to her character that she can defy hell which honestly. She's so real for that (Also can we talk about how she looks at Vaggie in these pictures. I would die for her.)

So Charlie's heart/wings/apple/snake shield is not only a show of power because of her connection with Lucifer (with snake and apple) and her angelic blood (with the wings), but it's also an expression of her personality (with the heart and the fact that it is a shield in the first place). Her character development kind of comes to a peak here: she's learned to be confident in herself while still being that kind, loving, wonderful, dreamy Charlie, and the shield emphasizes that so well.

BUT WAIT. This isn't just a Charlie's-shield-appreciation-post (although it could be.) She literally gets THREE outfits in one episode (standard, the one with the shield, and the post-magical-girl-transformation one)

After Pentious dies and she tranforms, her appearance and her weapon change. Her physical changes are her horns, the inverted, glowing eyes, the tail (with the little heart on it!!), and her hair coming untied (so magical girl of her, but also look at the shape language! She becomes angrier more violent, and instead of that typical, soft, round bubble ponytail, her let-down hair is full of angles, especially in the picture below). We've seen her demon form a couple of times previously in the series I believe, and it happens when she experiences severe emotion and/or wants to show her power, both of which are happening right now (Honestly I love how it shows how much she loves Pentious. She's so sweet and I love her. He means so much to her.) HOWEVER, her physical appareance isn't the only thing that changes after her magical girl transformation. She also has (surprise, surprise), a new weapon!!!!

The trident doesn't have as many strong motifs in it as the shield did, but it's still fuckin. Crazy. So first and second of all we have the apple and the snake, which repeat from the shield, and still represent Charlie's power that she gets from her dad. The third thing about the trident is color scheme: The shield was red, gold, and white, will the trident introduces another color to the mix: black. I dunno what to say about this, but it's interesting to note. Something something her emotions get darker? There's probably a way to read into it but idk. lmk if anyone has thoughts on it.

Although there is the addition of the heart on Charlie's tail, this stage of her design also loses the heart on her weapon. Similar to the addition of black, this probably represents the darker turn in her design and emotion, and the darker turn in the battle. She's not completely out for love (haha see what I did there) anymore, she's also out for revenge (as an extension of love, but what she's really feeling and fighting from right now is anger, as opposed to the joy/hope/love from the start of the battle).

Anyway, the fifth and final thing about the trident is that it's no longer a defense weapon, like the shield was, it's now an attack weapon (also a very similar on to Vaggie's, which could be another nod to her). We also notice this in her demeanor! As opposed to the repeated sorries from before her tranformation, Charlie is now unapologetically violent. She charges right into the battle with Adam. She's no longer just trying to defend to protect (shield) her people, now she's going with the whole best-defense-is-a-good-offense ideology. She's on the offense in order to protect her people.

That's why I enjoy Charlie's character design and weapons in this episode so much. There are so many layers to it and UGH. THANK YOU for listening to me ramble, and lmk if you have any more thoughts on this because I would LOVE to hear them! As you can see I am totally normal about this show.

[inktog]

Got a comment on AO3, and I figured part of my response was worth crossposting here.

CW: incest, csa

To clarify, I don’t think that Anne doesn’t want to grow up. Her anxieties aren't resolved by burying her head in the sand. I just think she wants a helping hand—some moral guidance from the adults in her life, so she can feel more confident in her own choices. Also, this analysis centers on season one; I’d argue that by season two, Anne’s moral self-confidence has grown considerably.

Regarding Marcy—well, I agree with you here, my conclusions are very shaky. I feel comfortable applying dream logic to the other girls, but with Marcy it feels like I’m grasping at straws. I expect to substantially revise my reading of her, Newtopia, and Andrias once we get more episodes. I still think it’s worth spelling out my current conclusions—however weird and wildly speculative—just so I have something to build on when season three rolls around.

On the idea that Marcy doesn’t want to grow up, I have my own uncertainties. This is mostly on the symbolic level, but: Marcy wants to be a witch, and pursuit of witchcraft is (per Maddie) synonymous with trying to grow up—distancing oneself from both “kid stuff” and literal babies. Also, since Amphibian witchcraft uses a level system (e.g. necromancy is level 2), Marcy’s leveling-up self-schema (“I’ve really grown out here...Come into my own. Leveled up!”) might likewise suggest a desire to achieve adulthood. On the other hand, I get really strong Neverland vibes from the “forever” / “never grow apart” stuff, so…idk. (On a literal level, I think she wants to cheat death.)

On her CSA: I know that Freudian goggles can be overused, but they’re far from useless. The flip side of “It’s easy to read sex into everything” is “Some things actually are about sex, and if you dismiss every sexual reading because ‘It’s easy to read sex into everything,’ you might miss something important.” […] This goes double for coming-of-age stories, since sex is a big part of adolescence for many people. Double again for family cartoons, since industry standards dictate that sexual content must be relegated to symbolism or implication.

That said, I haven’t even convinced myself! The possibility of CSA strikes me compelling for now, but new evidence could easily change my mind. I’m a bit more confident that Andrias is a stand-in for Marcy’s abusive dad (regardless of whether that abuse was sexual), although I haven’t spelled out all my reasoning yet.

[neroushalvaus]

Top 10 favourite characters from any fandom

I was tagged by @limalepakko , thank you! Since I have recently listed male characters here (or you know, in August, but we all know time hasn't been a thing for many moons), I took the liberty to list characters in general this time. I also went with which characters feel right at the moment, so does not show all my favourites. I also try to keep these short. (edit: okay so these are not remotely short, I will post a list first and have the explanations be under the cut, read if you want to hear my ramblings c': )

1. Fantine, Les Misérables 2. Javert / Jean Valjean, Les Misérables (yes i am cheating) 3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black 4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple 5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale 6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies 7. Rock Lee, Naruto 8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey 9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E 10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

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1. Fantine, Les Misérables

I love Fantine with all my heart. I remember reading Les Mis for the first time and her story sending chills down my spine. Her character development makes me so sad, from a girl who falls hard and fast and won't deny anything from her lover, to a woman who is so beaten down by society that she can't do anything but laugh at her fate. But I love how she doesn't lose her pride or her fighting spirit and how she still has the guts to spit in Valjean's face when she sees him after being arrested. And I love how all she does is for her daughter and how despite selling "the gold on her head and the pearls in her mouth" she is content, because all that matters to her is that Cosette will live.

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2. Javert & Jean Valjean, Les Misérables

I was really trying to limit this list to one character per fandom, but alas, I am but a weak little person. Thus, I am cheating already. The thing is that when it comes to Les Mis characters, Fantine, Javert and Valjean are the eternal top 3 for me, but I'm never quite able to say who I love the most. Last time I picked Javert for the male character meme because I love the symbolism and critique of society his character embodies, but let it be known that Jean Valjean is the best character in all of literature and I will fight you on this. The original soft on crime icon (aside from Jesus Christ but they're the same and you know it). Valjean's character journey is such a complicated one from an ordinary man (no worse than any man) to a person, who had been shaped by society and criminal justice system to be a very dangerous man, to someone you could compare to a saint if you wanted to... To an ordinary man, who would do anything for his daughter. He has so many character-defining moments, the biggest ones being in my opinion the trial of Champmathieu and letting Javert go instead of killing him. I just love Jean Valjean so much and could speak about him for hours.

*

3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black

Hopping away from the Les Mis hole and into a OITNB hole. I was debating on whether I'd put Boo or Pennsatucky on this list since I love them both so much, but I've been feeling so much love for my angry butch king that it had to be her. First of all, I'm just so happy to see butch lesbian representation where the butch identity is not just a joke. I know OITNB sometimes uses Boo questionably, but in general she is a nuanced character and one of the most interesting ones in the series in my opinion. I'm so sad they forgot all about her on the last seasons. I love everything about her, how she has trouble with feelings besides anger and often deflects serious stuff through humor, how fiercely protective she is of those she loves (boosatucky otp forever fucking fight me), how proud she is of her butch identity ("i refuse to be invisible")... Also, not to express attraction, but... Mama I'm in love with a criminal. And not to be a slut for how characters view religion/spirituality/God, but the relieved smile she has in one of her flashbacks when she says "there's no God... there's nothing", like you can't just do stuff like that and expect me not to love the character to bits.

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4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple

Last time I listed Poirot and was a bit frustrated I couldn't list Marple, but now it's time to right that wrong! I love this little old lady so much. I love Agatha Christie so much for just going "you know who is the person who knows everything that's going on in a community, and thus would make the perfect detective for a detective story? the nosy old woman". As she is introduced in The Murder at the Vicarage: "Miss Marple is a white-haired old lady with a gentle, appealing manner — Miss Weatherby is a mixture of vinegar and gush. Of the two Miss Marple is much more dangerous." She is so likable and witty, you can't help but love her. My favourite portrayal of her is by Geraldine McEwan, she looks so gentle but has such a sharp gaze. I would spill all my secrets to her any day. I also am compelled to tell you that when I was a child we had a costume party at my school and I dressed up as Marple and learned some old lady things in English (it was before third grade so I didn't know much English back then) just for the occasion (such as "thank you, my dear", "what a lovely necklace you are wearing" or "there has been a murder"). Teacher might have thought me rather morbid but I remember that day being quite good.

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5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale is such a great series and a book and Aunt Lydia is such a great character. The way she's capable of being absolutely cruel and vicious, but how she is also protective and caring in her own way. One of my favourite scenes in this series is when Serena Joy (my other favourite, can you tell) tells Lydia to "remove the damaged ones" from a line of handmaids and Lydia tries to argue with her. Sure, she is responsible for some of the punishments these women are now "damaged" by, but she truly believes those punishments were for a greater good and now the handmaids deserve their place with the others as much as anyone else. It is chilling and the character is such a dark shade of morally gray, but I can't get enough of it. The actress who plays her, Ann Dowd, has so interesting thoughts about her, like here. I just love this character so much I could scream.

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6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies

I'm mostly talking about the movies here because Renée Zellweger's performance is iconic. Plus the movies are what made me love this character first. But I'll give it to the books, they're one of the few books I've laughed out loud while reading. Anyway, how do you even begin explaining the love I have for Bridget Jones... I love how she is a character so many people can relate but who would be a comic relief side character in some other story. Yes, yes, it is really bad that she is constantly described as fat when she really is not, but when I was growing up she gave me hope that people who are viewed as fat and/or unattractive by other people can be admired and appreciated, and they don't have to be super talented at everything and highly intelligent and some kind of a super smooth social butterfly to "make up" for what they "lack". And also that they can have standards (i once dodged a bullet by rejecting someone by pretty much subconsciously quoting Bridget Jones so..). I also love how the comedic tone of everything does not dismiss Bridget's feelings. For example in some other movie we maybe would concentrate on how "stupid" Bridget was to trust that Daniel was in love with her, but in Bridget Jones we concentrate on how Bridget was hurt by Daniel cheating on her, how he is the one who did wrong. Idk I just love Bridget Jones so very much can you tell.

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7. Rock Lee, Naruto

Aka the boy who would have kicked Madara in the balls if Kishimoto had any sense of drama and good storytelling. I think I robbed Lee by not putting him on the fav male characters list. You know that post that goes like "gays be like 'these are my comfort characters', 1 literal ray of sunshine, 2 war criminal" etc? This child is the sunshine. I've been reading and watching Naruto again ( @hapanmaitogai is my sideblog for that nonsense) and I'm so ready to adopt Lee and/or Gai. Rock Lee is just such an earnest character, he has a goal he will give anything to achieve and he's the one true underdog in this manga. I love how he's so kind and polite (it's not so clear in English but in the Finnish translation he speaks as formally as he does in Japanese, he uses singular polite "you", calls Sakura "Sakura-neiti" = "Miss Sakura" etc... i love one polite boy). Also, he has the best fights in the series. Like Lee vs Gaara is a Classic, but we simply can't forget that time Lee absolutely crushed Sasuke in just a few minutes, or that time he politely asked Kimimaro not to kill him while he drinks his medicine. The best boy. I love that boy so much.

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8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey

Last time it was Thomas' turn, so now I must talk about the snakiest snake, the queen of weaponized handmaidenry, Miss O'Brien. She is such a great character especially in the first two seasons (I obviously love her on season three as well but Julian Fellowes really tried to make it hard by not explaining her actions at all, didn't he. Well, luckily I am ready to stuff the gaps with my headcanons). She has some of the best comebacks in the series and brings some needed realism in some conversations. I also love how she uses her position as a lady's maid for her advantage and how she is proud of her profession despite being highly aware of the power structures in the Abbey. And then there is the soap. That is such a good character moment, because for a character who always plans ahead, who is ruthless and cunning and intelligent... I don't think O'Brien thought about the soap thing at all before she left the room ("Sarah O'Brien, this is not who you are" hit me like a train). Just once she did something with nothing but anger motivating her and that became one of the defining moments of her character. And one of the defining things of the future relationship between her and Cora. That's why I find the Sarah/Cora ship so interesting, because there will always be the undercurrent of bitter regret. Also Sarah O'Brien and Thomas Barrow are the greatest brotp and Fellowes was a coward for driving the smoking scheming gay best friends apart, and

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9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E

I'm not saying L.M. Montgomery is entirely responsible for me having a fondness for strict, older women who first act unkind but have a heart of gold, but she most certainly did not help. Between characters like Marilla Cuthbert and Elizabeth Murray, how can you not fall in love with the type? It's been a while since I read the Anne series, but I really love how Marilla's character has been adapted into the Anne with an E tv series. Geraldine James looks like she was born to play her, she has me in tears so often. She has the ability to portray someone like Marilla, who is a very hard and stern person but feels deeply for her loved ones. I was watching the episode that dealt with Matthew's heart attack and Marilla berating her brother while hugging herself like she was trying so hard to hold herself together absolutely destroyed my heart.

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10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

It was a tough choice between her and Sister Evangelina. I just love these nuns very much. Sister Monica Joan is such a lovable and wise character. She is so knowledgeable of many subjects, from the Bible to astrology, and I feel like her unspecified memory problems and confusion are handled very tastefully. I also love how she's such an important part of her community despite not working as a midwife anymore. She is such a kind woman and gets visibly upset when others are treated poorly. And how could I not mention her saying "I do not believe in weeds. A weed is simply a flower that someone decides is in the wrong place", like... I love her so so much.

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I won't tag anyone, but if you read this and you want to do this, consider yourself tagged and you're no allowed to mark me as the one who tagged you!

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ��warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

[walkingshcdow-a]

Ok like W for Finnegan but I guess I want to know more what he wants from a wedding

Valentine’s Day Alphabet | Not Accepting!

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Yes, he would get married, and that shouldn’t surprise you, not in the least because our muses get married. I know we’ve touched on (lmaooo) the importance of a legacy to Finnegan. Even if he didn’t fall in love, he’d probably get married in order to raise a family. The idea of having a partner to help with the domestic chores of parenthood appeals to him, even if he would be willing to go it alone. He doesn’t exactly love the idea of marrying some “empty headed” celebutante to make her his countess, though, and so he’s very, very choosy about who he might marry if he doesn’t marry for love. When he does marry for love, as he does when he marries Victor, he’s much, much happier but it terrifies him because he hasn’t been that happy in his life and new emotions are exhilarating but frightening. 

Somehow, I don’t think that’s the question you’re asking.

When it comes to what sort of wedding Finnegan wants, he wants a lavish wedding with beautiful and meticulously planned details. He also wants it to be extremely intimate - maybe fewer than 100 people, even when he marries someone he wants to show off as badly as he wants to show off Victor, because he knows that weddings are private, tender, vulnerable moments and if he could get away just sharing that with his betrothed, he would. If Finnegan can’t perfectly craft his image, he won’t publicize what he’s doing and I guarantee you he’s a wreck on his wedding day and not in a “cute, soft, uwu” way. He will spend the wedding day bossing everyone around up until he has to be at the altar, where he will take a break to gaze lovingly at his new spouse, before going to the reception where he’s going to be bossing people around again. He doesn’t have romanticized notions of what he wants his Perfect Wedding to be, per se, but he knows exactly what he wants and has a file or digital folder of inspiration photographs that he’s been accumulating without much intensity for a decade or so, since his friends started getting married. He likes very clean lines (idk if you saw the debacle about Finnegan and flowers but he means something very specific) and modern-classic looks. I don’t think his ideal wedding is very “personalized” by other people’s standards tbh. It looks how a wedding “should” look. I think if you pitched a more personalized want for the wedding, he’d find a way to incorporate it and make it blend in seamlessly with his original ideas. The aesthetic is important, but flexible. It isn’t so much a certain theme that he wants to get across as the image of class and perfection. 

If we’re dealing with a love match, which you and I are, I think it’s important to note that the most important thing to Finnegan is getting personalized vows written and spoken in such a way that actually conveys the breadth and depth of his love. He’s spent his entire life, certainly his entire adult life, speaking in half-truths and eloquent sound bytes that don’t reveal to much. In a love match, he wants his partner and all 100 people in attendance to know on no uncertain terms that this is the person he’s chosen and the person he will choose every day going forward and that he loves them more than he realized it was possible to love another human being. I think until he meets Victor that person, he doesn’t realize how important this part is for him to get right.

He also thinks the rings are really important because you’ll have to wear them for the rest of your lives. I think he proposes (or, lbr, reproposes) to Victor with a family heirloom ring as a symbol: you are my family. However, when it comes to their actual wedding bands, he wants them to both pick out pieces that they want and chose for themselves. And I think, actually, in all other ships (including any other love matches in the future), he goes this route for rings. If he’s committing to wear something forever, he wants to like it and he wants his partner to like theirs, too. 

Lastly, I know this is specific to Victor: Finnegan thinks the kiss and the first dance are IMPORTANT AF because these are some of the first times he’s able to publicly kiss and and dance with Victor and be able to say “This man is mine. I love him above all others and will be with him for the rest of my days.” in demonstratively affectionate ways. Please, just let Finnegan hold Victor in public. It’s all he’s wanted for a very long time. 

[masterheartsxiii]

Notes from mass 9/20/20

A note before I start. This was my first time at mass by myself, as a non-catholic. It was also my first time taking notes. I am looking to be challenged and hold discussion on my thoughts.

I grew up non-denominational, I didn’t know much about Catholicism other than that they worshiped Mary and stuff (things I found out were wrong later). Eventually I started spending time with my dear friend, who was catholic. She and I went back and forth as she brought forward points about catholic faith, and I would pose counter arguments. There was a point where she seemed close to snapping away towards a different denomination, closer to mine. But then, she suddenly snapped back. Her connection to her Catholic faith became like steel, forged in the heat of questioning. This fire fascinated me. I now know that she had an advisor who helped temper that steel into its current shape on this site, but that doesn’t change that she found something about Catholicism that resonated, or else no amount of advice would have caused it. So I had to know. I have to know. What about Catholicism draws one closer to God even when fought against with more Protestant views. For that reason, I have begun going to Catholic Mass, starting now due to covid, and long to have my answers about God and the universe answered.

Now the notes proper:

I arrived late due to traffic and going to a new church. Will have to prepare for that earlier. Due to this I had to sit in the back outside of the church proper.

Gospel was on the parable of the men who were hired at different times yet paid the same amount.

>An interesting parable. One that would easily reflect on any time period, and all have surely felt similar.

Homily begins:

Talking about vacation?

>Not really sure how this all connects

The priest went to Maine

>I get he’s trying to relate this, but talking about vacation as your connection seems odd during times where quarantine is supposed to be in place.

Got distracted on how to take notes

>I was trying to figure out how best to take notes by looking at the examples my dear friend has posted in the past. I resolved then to get a notebook and have since done so so that my notes can be taken and translated later.

The priest gets back to the parable

>Finally. I guess the connection was between lobster farmers and field workers, but that seems thin.

The fairness is what we focus on, but the point of the parable is gods love.

>Well that seems obvious. But it has an important point to make, and right as I thought that he continued

Christianity, like field work, can be back breaking.

>Living with an atheist, can agree.

We need to save all people no matter when in their life. (But what rewards are there besides the end?)

>So the parenthesis are the thoughts I had at the time that I felt needed to be jotted down. These carrots are post church reflections. But it is a common thought. How often have I gone to God and said “I’ve done all this for you. I’ve been here since I was a child? Why am I not getting benefits. Why don’t my wishes carry more weight? My god, my god, why have you forsaken me.”

We might harbor feelings that we’ve been unfairly treated (no rewards to be in early)

>precisely. We feel that just because someone “got on board late” they shouldn’t be given equal treatment. But that’s not right. We should want the best for everyone. To hold someone to a standard of when they became a follower, why do we assume that makes them lesser? Isn’t that judgement? There is only one Judge, and it isn’t any of us on Earth.

Why do we think that? Why do we feel it’s “better” that we wish we could have joined later.

>That brings up an interesting conundrum. Often times we think the best way, even as Christians is to fall into this trap. We say “well it’s alright if I break this rule as long as I ask forgiveness” but that could devolve into a whole tangent of what is right vs what feels good. I’d be happy to discuss that more in the comments or a dm.

Better to rejoice that we added more people to the kingdom of heaven.

>On this we can easily agree. It is a victory to add someone, but where does it end? Do we check in and make sure they’re actually living it out? Surely just getting them to confess isn’t the end. That gets into circle of control vs circle of influence. Something my therapist and I have been working through. But while my circle of control is small with a larger circle of influence, an interesting irony is that God’s circle of control is massive, but he chooses to only use his influence, less we become puppets. Idk. This is where my mind wanders to.

Started talking about donations? That felt out of place.

>Yeah I guess just because it’s nearing the end of the fiscal year, it’s time to bring in money. It was an unfortunate time for me to first visit as I’m sure it sounded more greedy than intended, but it did feel weird that they ended the homily with it. Is that normal. I have no comparative reference.

I left before communion as I don’t feel I can go to it yet as a non catholic (why so isolating?)

>Something I’ve always wrestled with. The requirement to be catholic before receiving communion. Jesus said “let the little children come into me”. He didn’t require them to vow to him first. Jesus dined with beggars, crooks, and tax collectors. He never required them to be a part of his church before then. And then of course there’s the fact that is in spirit the body and blood of Christ. I grew up with communion being symbolic, not a true transformation. For a long time I viewed that as a weird interpretation. But I’ve seen it. The times I went to mass with my dear friend in the past I saw the power that the reverence and respect the priest placed on it. The Meal is more than a symbol, but I believe that is only to those that believe it so. My literal brain has trouble seeing past the veil, but I did for one fleeting moment and it’s stuck with me.

I felt so alone. How does one connect to god at these things? He is held so far above. How can one reach.

>I’ve never gone to mass by myself. I’ve always had at least my dear friends long side me. Ins one ways that was a detriment. After all, if ones focus is torn between two places, can one truly grasp Heaven’s message for you? But on the other side, without anyone beside me at church, how am I to parse these feelings. I am a Stranger in a Strange Land, and without a spiritual guide, how am I to reach it. I fear my journey will be impossible alone. I will pray on this.

One final note: the priest says it feels like the devil has really had his way with this year. It has been a hard year for sure, but how much is this the work of devils and how much is the work of man. The age old question does the devil really exist: or is it just the Bible’s embodiment of man’s free will, given personification. May pursue this more.

>A thought I’ve had many times. One I’d love to discuss. The Bible has many allegories. Might the devil be one as well. After all humans with free will don’t need something bad influencing them. That’s actually the problem with some other denominations. The ones that make “Hell Houses” the prescribe everything to “demons” and that takes humanity’s free will out of the equation. The devil may not exist. There may instead just be humanity’s desire to turn away from blinding light. Thoughts?

[firstginger]

hi!! idk if you're still doing these but i thought they were super interesting and i was hoping you'd be able to help me with my daemon analysis? i'm an INTP, enneagram 5w6, Virgo sun and Aquarius moon, and a Slytherin. i'm introverted and not approachable, i tend to be awkward around people tho i do care deeply about my friends. i can be outspoken when i notice something i consider injustice tho. i consider myself logical. i got a domestic cat on ur quiz but the exact type kept changing. thanks

hey! i just wanted to apologize to you and everyone else who has been waiting — this has been a pretty rocky month, but i miss writing these so i’m going to try to ease back into it!

i’ve been working on a write-up on some INTP suggestions; you’re very much the “classic” INTP with a 5w6, really playing into the beautiful thoughtfulness and reservation and logical aspect (like you said) of the INTP, but prone to feelings of incompetence and self-doubt. domestic cat is an interesting thought and i can absolutely see it fitting in a more pullman form or symbolic nature, which makes sense for the quiz. if you’re attached to the cat form i’ll suggest some breeds that come to mind, but also other animal suggestions that might fit better from an analytical perspective.

for domestic cats, i do have a tendency to think of them as more Ni than Ti, which might just be the stereotype of the cat as being particularly insightful, seeing things beneath the surface, visionaries, etc. Ti’s strength is much more in logical and analytics, leaning more into wanting an objective structure and model to explain the world around them. if you’re interested in the domestic cat as a form, i’d highly recommend breeds that are going to be more independent and efficient. honestly maybe look into hybrid breeds or small wild cat species? the african golden cat, scottish wildcat, or leopard cat could be potential options for wild species... i think even hybrid breeds (i was looking close at the sokoke) are just going to be too approachable and friendly for you. if you’re someone who would describe themself as ambitious, driven, opportunistic, and focused, some bigger species might be applicable to you like the serval, though with wild species of cats definitely consider how loose-bonding you are.

i say this a lot with wild cat species especially: humans are social creatures, and it’s unrealistic to think that you or anyone else considering a solitary species wouldn’t have friends. instead think about the role those friends play in your life. are you emotionally dependent on them and do you welcome their emotional dependence on you? do you need your friend group for a sense of security? are you able to make new friends and move between friend groups easily? does naturally drifting apart from friends deeply upset you?

cats aside, my first thought was actually the crested porcupine. a gorgeous animal and seems to check a lot of your boxes: independent and selective, highly dutiful to loved ones, prefer to be left alone but will assert themselves, and straightforward and logical. capable of being adaptable like most porcupine species, but prefers to stick with tried and true methods and only move out of their comfort zone when forced. their unique devotion to their family members would suggest a dedication to your friend group and a sense of empathy and duty reserved for those you truly care about. otherwise very unapproachable, doesn’t like to be disturbed when focused, and while tolerant at first, will not pull punches if someone repeatedly crosses their boundaries.

an alternative that came to me western quoll: they’re independent and reserved, logical and resourceful, and assertive and direct. the only caveat to them is they might be too loose-bonding and detached as well; they’re going to fit the description of someone who doesn’t rely on their friend group for emotional support and needs that sense of independence, alone time, and being able to pursue their own interests without intervention. similarly they’ll have an easier time moving on from friendships and finding new companionship.

i was also looking at members of afroinsectivora for you... elephant shrew and tenrecs specifically. this clade strikes a really nice balance between introverted but socially dutiful, cautious but assertive, and efficient but modest. - elephant shrews are going to be rather independent and unapproachable but very devoted to their select group; they're naturally anxious and cautious individuals, who struggle with rest and relaxation and like to stay busy. paranoid and wary streak, rather adaptable, observant, and curious. very devoted to their work and are likely perfectionists. can be protective and will be extremely vocal and assertive when their personal boundaries are crossed. - tenrecs are very diverse and if you're interested i can go into specific species, but generally speaking this is an independent animal who doesn't do well with sudden change or socialization. the spines on their back (they curl up into a ball when threatened) makes me think it might suit your unapproachable nature. very assertive when someone repeatedly bothers them. otherwise fairly adaptable, inquisitive, and perfectionistic, though again the sort who would prefer to stick to routines. selectively dedicated to their loved ones. more patient and less of that "busy body" energy that the elephant shrew will have.

finally maybe look into butorides (small herons)? they’re all going to be reserved, socially tolerant, dedicated, private, opportunistic, and assertive... definitely think someone who's highly independent and focused, willing to work with others, and has high standards when it comes to their work and those they consider deep friends. this is definitely a group that only fits if you see yourself as someone who's ambitious and can be confident, which may go against what you mean by awkward. but overall they fit the INTP well as they're great problem solvers and love thinking through issues. the green heron in particular is an exceptionally intelligent and resourceful animal, though the striated heron and lava heron are both very applicable.

[nicomacheannothing]

11-25-2020

My keyboard is mildly fucked because I spilled lemon water all over it the other week. It still works, but it’s all slow and finicky now. I’m only letting ya’ll know cause I’m pretty sure my dumb typos are only going to increase as a result haha.  It might seem completely random, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my clothes lately. For one thing, I bought waaaay to many new things during the pandemic. It wasn’t like... dropping thousands on designer clothes, it was just taking advantage of massive sales, but still. I’m swimming in clothes. 😅

I love having a lot of options to choose from, but I keep having these mini existential crises whenever I switch up my style. I used to watch a lot of YouTube videos related to alternative fashion. Whenever one of those YouTubers would do Q&A videos, they would always get someone asking something like “do you ever want to not dress up?” The YouTuber would almost always respond with some version of “no, this aesthetic is just part of who I am. I never want to just not be myself”. I’ve come to realize and slowly accept that I... just don’t feel that way. My clothes are not “me” and I am not my clothes. Sounds weird, I know. I love fashion and my instagram account is basically a fashion blog. But I still don’t have this deeply personal attachment to a single, unified aesthetic that EVERYONE seems to have.  Sometimes, I want to wear Victorian Goth clothing, sometimes I really just want to wear jeans and a t-shirt. The common thread is that I always have some reason for choosing the outfit that I do. Sometimes, the reasons are too personal or conceptual to explain, but there’s usually some sort of symbolism there. Take the jeans and t-shirt as an example. Sometimes, I’ll dress that way because I’ll have seen a young woman at the store who somehow looked stunningly beautiful in a very simple outfit like that. I’ll want to try to capture that beauty in my outfit just for that day. There are times when I’m trying to evoke the vibe of a character from a show or movie I recently saw. Idk, it’s hard to explain but... my way of putting outfits together results in my being this weird style chimera. I’m not sure if that resonates with anyone else. I’ve been this way my entire life. I remember of my classmates in high school remarking that I seemed to wear a different style of clothing everyday. Back then, my staple inspirations were hip-hop aesthetic, Islamic modesty standards, a professor who I was in love with and Joseph Stalin at the Yalta conference. Yes, I chose clothing based on every one of those things on multiple occasions. I don’t have pics of all of them handy, but here’s me in what a lot of the non-preppy kids were wearing when I was in high school:

And this is the kind of thing the aforementioned professor wore. A lot of long skirts and short heels:

Oh, and I wore that fucking red hat everywhere. It had a pin with Vladimir Lenin on it.  I feel like this post is going off the rails lol. My point is that I don’t think my clothes are “me” exactly. They’re more like expressions of things I love or things that interest me. I sometimes feel weirdly guilty for not having a “brand”. The most accurate way to describe my style overall has always been “edgy, but classy”. That’s usually what I shoot for. I know I’m weird but... I spent too long trying to “fit in” when I was a kid and I gotta just embrace my weirdness. That’s what people usually end up liking about me anyway haha.  BTW, I’m wearing a Lion King shirt today. I wanted to embody Austin’s childhood nostalgia. And, I was listening to the “Rhythm of the Pridelands” album on my walk today. It’s my favorite. I might have to blog about that next! :D

[sometimesrosy]

Anonymous said:It will be so funny when Clarke bangs a new new extra after Bellamy dies before the finale. LMAOOOO. I wonder what excuses you will use then :( Aww that random extra is her rebound she's trying to move on from Bellamy :(( LMAOOO. Pathetic pathetic pat he tic

++

And will you find it so funny when Bellarke is endgame and all your little mean anons turn out to be not just incorrect, but also unnecessarily mean and nasty because you are, at heart, a bully?

I’m never sure why you people send these things to me. I will block you, I will beat your pathetic reasoning into banana mush because I do and always have used logic and canon evidence to back up my theories, because I am, at heart, a boring old english teacher doing what english teachers do and analyzing a text. 

There’s NOTHING pathetic about shipping something you love. There’s nothing pathetic about looking for that love story in the canon content. There’s nothing pathetic about enjoying a show and ship and being positive about it.

When this is all over, and we have an end time, now. 16 episodes away, when we get our answers. IS Bellarke the central relationship? No, we have that answer. They’re dual protagonists with Clarke as the star and JR has said that The 100 is and always has been about Clarke and her relationship with Bellamy. Maybe the question of whether Bellarke are soulmates. NOPE we have that answer, too. Will Bellarke be canon? Well that depends on what you think a canon love story is. Is it kissing or is it a 7 season story about how they fall in love and get together? You clearly think kissing and sex. So Clarke and Cillian or Bellamy and Bree and Roman is more canon than Bellarke, the central relationship of the show. This is an interpretation. You’re a nasty anon and I’m an ex english teacher who’s been writing sff novels since I was 15 and now ghostwrites romance novels professionally, so you of course think you are the authority and I am...

wait let me get it right....

Pathetic pathetic pat he tic

ok. ok sure. we should just ignore the STANDARD romantic trope of the love triangle. Or the jealousy trope (on both sides btw.) OR the true love’s fucking kiss bringing her back from the dead.

Okay. That’s fine. When this is all over, if Bellarke doesn’t have their kiss/confess/sex moment, if it’s not a “canon” ship in the ways fandom wants I will apologize for... I guess... being wrong. Although there is nothing wrong with being wrong. Just like I apologized about the cannibal thing. But y’all will get ONE apology and no more. I will not be dragged over the coals for doing nothing wrong but incorrectly guessing what the future is going to hold. 

I won’t make a prediction on whether Clarke, Bellamy and Bellarke are alive or dead though. I have ALWAYS said they might die at the end of the show. Always. My base theory is that this show is about unity, Clarke and Bellamy are the head and the heart and they must be TOGETHER in order to have victory. They are the symbolic representation of this rebirth of humanity, Maybe she needs to kill it and he needs to open the door to let it come back IDK, it’s kind of mythic. But I think that in order to have victory on this show, Bellarke needs to be Together. I think that will ultimately be romantic. 

HOWEVER, I don’t know if they’re getting a happy ending and I’m not saying they will. Because while I believe this show will end on a hopeful note and there will be hope for humanity and they will achieve their goals for humanity,

I don’t know if BELLARKE will get a happy ending.

A long time ago, JR said he knew the ending of the show, and he hadn’t decided yet if it would end with hope for our heroes, or hope for humanity but NOT for our heroes. Our heroes are, now I’m sure, Bellarke. So there is still a possibility that they sacrifice themselves for humanity.

And that could mean they die together... which would be a kind of romeo and juliet tragic ending, where they die, but are together in death.

OR it could mean that one of them dies and not the other, in which case one of them would have to live on without the other, which imo would be a straight up tragedy for the characters of Clarke and Bellamy. I would hate that but it’s possible. The game is lost if Bellamy is lost, because this is chess, and the king is the deciding factor. Might his capture be a major storyline? You bet it might. We’ve got a theory going right now that someone captures Bellamy in the anomaly and Clarke leads the jump team to rescue him. I AM HERE FOR THAT STORY.

I personally have also made the speculation that Clarke and Bellamy will die, or be lost in the anomaly, or sacrifice themselves to set up the anomaly expecting to never be seen again, but, because anomaly, will end up back on Earth, and set up a society that Marcus envisioned, leading to a bittersweet loss and victory happy ending much like we saw with Marper, who gave up life with their friends and family to live in peace and raise a child. But if this happens, then for a while we will think that Clarke and Bellamy are dead. It ain’t over until the final credits but it is 100% possible. 

So I won’t argue with them about one or both of them dying. It’s possible.

But I’m only pathetic in that i am slightly obsessive about my favorite show. And frankly, I’m not apologizing for that nor do I feel bad about it. Actually, I don’t find people’s love of stories to be pathetic. I love it. That’s why I became an english teacher, duh. SO I could share my love of fiction and poetry and literature and film etc. Geek? yes. Proudly. Pathetic? Nope. 

So fine. If I’m wrong and there’s no “canon” endgame. I will apologize for my error in speculating the wrong thing. Not that I need to apologize but I will.

BUT THAT MEANS THAT I EXPECT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU BLORKE AND CLXA ANTIS TO APOLOGIZE TO ME AND EVERY OTHER BELLARKE FAN FOR CALLING US DELUSIONAL, CLOWNS, OR PATHETIC. 

tl:Dr. FINE. If i’m wrong, I’ll apologize. But if you’re wrong, you’d better take a CLOSE and HONEST look at yourself and admit that YOU were wrong and it wasn’t the other fans or JR baiting shit and it wasn’t an injustice and it wasn’t bad writing. IT WAS YOU. YOU WERE THE ASSHOLE. 

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI 2x09 - A Bullet Named Fate

Starting off with the title, which I, unlike last week, LOVE to DEATH. This is a proper good Magnum PI title. Only alternative title I’d be willing to accept is “I’m A Bad Influence”

Only that wouldn’t be quite right, because as of late, I feel like Magnum is actually the most mature of them all. We got Gordon punching people, we got Rick randomly quitting his job and buying a bar, Higgins throwing caution (and Britishness) to the wind to partner up with Magnum (for Higgins, that is full-on crazy), her being all passive-aggressively salty about Magnum taking a case against her wishes and now randomly opening a bottle of Robin’s wine. Also, TJ and Kumu getting arrested (for standing up for what they believe in, so I guess that’s good but still.) 

Meanwhile, we got Magnum asking Higgins to become his partner because she makes him a better detective, telling Abby they can make a long-distance relationship work (which she shut down in a second but you know, points for trying), him telling Higgins that they have to be honest with each other and talk about their problems and feelings, him trying to wine (and dine) a fancy client and then replacing a really expensive bottle of wine he broke.

Is Magnum winning at maturity this season?

I think he might be.

And I don’t mind. It’s just funny when you think about it, because Magnum keeps getting crap about how immature he is and stuff.

Anyway, on to the actual review. This week we start off with Old Guy Private Detective Harry stumbling around, bleeding, trying to reach out to Magnum. 

Serious start for an overall serious episode. 

Part of me I really loved the case this week. It was more clever and interesting than a lot of the cases have been lately. It hit all the right spots, we got poor Harry kicking things off, pulling Magnum into the case, then it twists around 100% when they find the super creepy kidnap room with the drawings and then again when we realize it’s another girl and not the daughter who is the kidnap victim. A sweet kiddy hug with Higgins and then little girl reunited with family cuteness. It ticks all the boxes for me. 

Except for the “internal conflict” (other than Magnum blaming himself we get very little of this) or emotional conflict between characters. There was no Miggy fight/ banter/disagreement. No TJ and Rick trying to get a loan/ lying vet/ moral dilemma. No worrying father figure might have cancer. So while I loved the case/plot, the emotional impact of this episode wasn’t as big for me. 

I feel like if they’d thrown in more of moment where Higgins was all “who would do this” and Magnum added “IDK, I was in isolation when I was at the POW camp, and can’t believe someone would do it to a kid” or Higgins revealing some situation where she had been in trouble as an MI6 agent and thought she’d go to jail, it would have resonated super well and added so much to the episode.

We do get some adorable Miggy moments in the basement, both at the start and at the end of the episode (I feel like this is a new standard, all episodes must now start with Magnum / Higgins and also end with them! It’s the law!)

But with all the amazing Miggy content, we’ve been getting in season 2 I think I’m getting spoiled. This was no nearly enough. If it had been any other show and my faves were all sweet and supportive (I mean this is basically Higgins give Magnum 20 hugs and telling him everything is going to be alright, in Higgins speak) after he lost a big client, I’d been ecstatic. But because I now feel entitled to at least 10 seconds of fond gazing and mixed with flirty banter every two minutes, this episode isn’t doing it for me (in the Miggy department). 

I can’t believe he actually replaced the bottle though...I mean, Higgy was maybe more shocked than I, but not by much. I feel like someone needs to write a meta (or whatever) on what the wine bottles + cellar throughout the series symbolize. Or maybe I’m overthinking it, but I feel like it’s something! I mean wine does mean happiness, friendship, and transformation (according to my two-second google search) which so totally connects with Miggy’s storyline.

As for the side-plot with Kumu, TC and Molly, I liked it, but it, as I said before, felt like it was lacking conflict between the characters. Sure, we had Molly’s mom being upset but who wouldn’t be, having to pick their 16-year-old up from the police station! but she was just som rando we don’t know (or do we?).

Who is this lady who plays Molly’s mother? Where do I recognize her from? Who does she look like? Please send help!

So while the side plot was cute and I kind of liked it, just like a lot of the side plots, it doesn't tie in with either theme or the case of the episode. I really would like to know if there is a plan for them or is it just fillers? I really don’t know what they want to do with them. 

If the focus had been all on the gang and their personal problems (like the bar getting on its feet, someone at the Cultural Center being killed and they investigate it a little each episode, Higgins making a friend at yoga or Robin master’s house having mold and now Higgins has to move in with Magnum...ooops, fan fic idea not likely show plot.) that’s been more interesting. 

The protest was a bit of follow up but I thought the construction guy was all fine and cool about the sacred site at Halloween? Now suddenly it’s being torn down/ built over? I guess people can change their minds, and also drama. This isn’t quite the connected plotline I was hoping for but at least it’s a little bit of one.

But what’s the point of side plots right now?! I know not everything has to have a meaning or come back but a little more would be fun. I mean even just something small like they’re adding a pool to Robin’s Nest, could be a fun side plot (the construction project where everything goes wrong! Also a fun FF idea).

That’s pretty much it for today! It sucks that we have to wait 2 weeks but I guess you all in America are going to be in food comas from Thanksgiving / out shopping next Friday so it makes sense we have to wait for a little! And once that one is done it’s over for this year (this decade really. Can you believe it’s 2020 in like a month and some change??)

Now for something else. Each week I tend to have a moment or two where I go um what? If it’s me being clueless, not being American or actual strange things, I don’t know. But if you know what’s going on/ have an answer, please write me a line!

Um what?

What sixteen year old is applying to college? Is this a normal thing? 

Can you arrest people for peacefully protesting? Is this a thing? What about Freedom of Speach and all that you’re semi-famous for America?

Where was the heir? The guy whose house Harry found? Magnum said at the end that they closed two cases but did they ever figure out where this guy was and why all that mail was piled up outside his house? I want to know! 

Why did you not start by checking empty listings/ properties? I mean seriously? Have you never seen an episode of anything where the bad guy is a realtor? They always hide out in empty properties! Geesh, Magnum, is it your first day on the job?

[dabistits]

226 thoughts

i was only marginally correct about aug 7 meaning something. there is a theme of separation, but the gulf is between himiko and the rest of society

as frightening as some of her behavior might be, there are parts of the chapter that come off as incredibly lonely. from a very very young age, she faced fear and rejection from her parents as seemingly the only response they’ve ever given her; there’s also an emphasis on the trust izuku shows ochako, which is something she’d never get without her mask. intentional? idk. but damn her parents are harsh.

“acting like a schoolgirl made the world act just a tad nicer to me.” :(

i’m inclined to say that although she denied kizuki’s thoughts about her past, they are meant to be taken as true. in the same way that himiko reads people for her quirk, kizuki reads people for her job as a journalist. it’s important that we don’t get a true flashback about how himiko thought and felt while growing up; although we see certain experiences, we are deprived of her perspective, making kizuki our only guide to himiko’s (possible) feelings

himiko, however, rejects kizuki’s narrative of being unfortunate and the prospect of becoming a tragedy; she intends to live, and live according to her definition of normal

the tilted narration boxes: “just like you all kiss the people you love, i suck the blood of people i love.” symbolizing that her feelings are untruthful, misguided, or just twisted?

himiko wears her hair up when she’s her ‘true self’ and wears it down when she’s not. when she goes back to blood-drinking, she reverts back to the same hairstyle she had as a child

still no narrative attention paid to her victims, which makes me hope she’ll get a more sympathetic reading by the end

her quirk?? did she always need to see someone’s quirk in use for her to replicate it, or is it as kizuki said, that it was an adaptation out of desperation?? it doesn’t seem like himiko could have omitted that detail from nemoto’s confess. ETA: MS translation makes it clear that it’s a new ability

she thinks of ochako when she winds up in a tight spot, mirroring the way ochako thinks of izuku, down to ‘wanting to be like you.’

a lethal application of zero gravity kdkchgs!!!! i hope ochako gets to use it in solo combat in a similar way (sans killing people, probably)

that said, i really would have liked to see himiko fight with her pre-established skillset, which is already really cool, rather than a newly-introduced function of her quirk...

this development falls into so many tropes... the sociopathic bisexual, for one, and men just being completely clueless about how to write women’s insanity in a way that isn’t “i guess they were just born crazy????”

sometimes horikoshit is so close to a realization and understanding about women’s inner lives lol. “don’t do this,” “don’t act like that,” “always so well-behaved.” womanhood is the suppression of one’s true self and the adoption of a mask to conform to rigid standards of behavior deemed palatable by society, and hori should have gone so much further with it but he hates women. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[bigskydreaming]

Hoo boy. Actually using a cut on this one because it got long even by my standards, so....yikes. LOL. Umm, it started out salty but then it got angsty and then it got salty again and then maybe salt-angsty? Idk, whatever, its about Tim and also Damian and also BFTC and also Ric and its a freaking mess but also probably more coherent than I’m advertising it as here? I don’t fucking know, man, my baseline for this stuff is so fucked, never take my word for it. Okay, anyway!

So I’m probably always gonna be more salty about Tim and the reactions to the Robin/Red Robin thing and to Dick not believing him about Bruce, than I am even about people giving Dick shit for being a bad brother to Jason.

Because with the latter, even though I shout a lot about how there’s no real canon basis for the “Dick was an asshole to Jason before his death” stuff, it is true that most of their interactions had to happen offpanel, where we didn’t see them....so even though I’ll always be like umm, guys, why do you insist on headcanoning Dick as Douche of the Year when you could just as easily headcanon him and Jason getting along....I mean, I do still understand that we didn’t see either of those things really, so its dealer’s choice.

But its different with Tim, because we DID see Dick build a relationship with him, practically every step of the way. For years and YEARS, both in real time and comic book time, Dick made Tim a huge fucking priority in his life. Called him his brother long before Bruce adopted him. Took him places to train, and tried to make training fun too at times. Checked in on him, came running when he needed help. Dick DID THE WORK of building their bond. We saw it happen, in canon. It didn’t just magically appear fully formed, no more than Dick’s bond with Damian did....yeah Tim wasn’t as resistant as Damian was, but that doesn’t change the fact that Dick made an effort to show up in this kid’s life as often as he realistically could. Dick was a rock solid presence for Tim that he could count on, knew he could count on, he’d witnessed with his own eyes how damn much Dick cared about him and worried about him. Dick DOTED on this guy.

And then pretty much the first time Dick does something that Tim and his stans didn’t like - not even because he WANTED to, but because he literally felt like it was the choice he HAD to make, to extend some kind of meaningful gesture that this ten year old assassin who pretty much ONLY saw value in things like symbols and legacies and mantles at that particular point in his life would actually see as a reason to stay - the second Dick prioritized someone else over Tim, not because he didn’t want to be there for Tim, but because he had to make an actual CHOICE, he was just one person, he literally could not be all things to all people all at the same time....

Like, Tim and a lot of his fandom act like this was Dick abandoning Tim as a brother. Rejecting him. What????

And for the record, if we’re gonna talk about how dare Dick choose this kid he barely knows over Tim, his brother of years, not even mentioning what Damian did to Tim already.....like, let’s not forget that its not like Damian was some random stranger who held no possible emotional significance to Dick whatsoever. Like, Tim was fixated on his conviction that Bruce was alive, but Dick didn’t disbelieve him just to be an asshole, he just genuinely believed that he’d buried his father....and here was this prickly little ten year old who was the LAST possible piece of Bruce left in the world. Like, screw the idea that Dick was more drawn to Damian from the start because Damian was ‘the blood son’ and Bruce’s heir more than Tim was, that makes zero sense without Dick devaluing his own equally adoptive connection to Bruce himself. 

Nah, instead try the take that for Dick, Bruce wasn’t just the source of his family in the sense that Bruce was a second father to him....it was also because time and time again, Bruce added to Dick’s family, grew it by yet one more sibling, gave him more family than he’d ever have had without Bruce....and here comes Damian. One last addition to Dick’s family, via Bruce....and he’s not especially significant for the reason that he’s Bruce’s biological son unlike the rest of them, and this somehow elevates him over Dick’s other brothers from the start.....nope, its just as likely a read that Damian’s significant for Dick, he’s someone Dick HAS to take a chance on, HAS to bring into their family one way or another, has to get to ACCEPT them as family, to BE family, no matter what it takes.....because Damian is the last new sibling they’ll ever have, as far as Dick knows at that point. 

Bruce is dead, he thinks. There will be no more new brothers and sisters from that point on, whether biological or adopted....because Bruce isn’t there to be the one to widen their family again, one more time. No, Dick thinks, that falls to him now, he’s the only one who can do that.....he’s the only one who can make this one last gift from their dad, this prickly assassin child who so clearly is desperate for love and affection and approval and the very same things so many of them struggled with, its up to Dick to make sure he doesn’t LEAVE, that he doesn’t reject THEM, that he stays, stays family even without Bruce to be the connection...because anything less than that, anything other than making this one last potential brother, because he’s already connected to Bruce, the actual basis of that connection being shared biology not really that relevant, just that this connection EXISTS even without Bruce’s presence....failing to make him their brother in REALITY, in FULLNESS, rather than just a tangential association that benefits none of them, adds nothing to their family...to Dick, the very idea of that must be like it’d be failing Bruce one last time, squandering his last gift to their family, when his greatest gifts have always been the siblings he added to their number. 

So Dick had to get Damian to stay, to see that he had family here, by any means necessary, and so of course Dick did the only thing he knew would work, the only thing that has EVER worked except for in the case of Cass who is an outlier and should not be cited in reference to any of her brothers’ emotional obstinancy ever...he gave Robin to Damian....the only thing that has ever bonded him and his brothers, the only thing Dick has that didn’t come straight from Bruce and that he could offer on his own, the only thing that all his brothers value so highly, and thus in that they’re all connected.

And its like, so the first time Dick does something that Tim actually doesn’t like, that’s proof that Dick doesn’t really care about him, like all those years of bending himself into a pretzel to try and show up for his little brother every chance he could, no matter what else was going on in his life....like suddenly they mean nothing. Like Dick was only ever actually a good brother...so long as he was doing what Tim wanted. So long as he was prioritizing Tim properly.

And people compare it to Bruce and what happened between he and Dick years earlier, when Bruce fired Dick as Robin, when first off, there’s the fact that Robin is and was Dick’s and never Bruce’s, but I’ve gone over that to death, but secondly, there was no FIRING Tim as Robin, like there was no scene ever where Dick took Robin AWAY from Tim. I realize that might be parsing semantics to a degree, as by making Damian Robin, there was the implicit assumption that Tim now would no longer be Robin, but my point is that....there was NO scene where Dick did or said anything that can reasonably be construed as him thinking Tim wasn’t good enough to be Robin, wasn’t cutting it, was a liability, or that he wasn’t his brother. Could it have been written better, the exact how and when of making Damian Robin, that took Tim’s feelings more into account? Sure. 

But I maintain there is no version of that scenario that was ever going to satisfy fans who simply wanted Tim and only Tim to be Robin and weren’t interested in this newest one....which is ENTIRELY different from what happened between Bruce and Dick, no matter WHICH version of that story you go with....because there WAS no one else to be Robin at that particular time. It wasn’t happening because Bruce felt someone else needed it more than Dick. The ONLY conclusions there, were always going to be that....Bruce’s motivations or thoughts there were about Dick, in some way or another.

With Tim and Damian.....it wasn’t that at all, because it wasn’t like Dick just out of the blue said hey, Bruce dying has made me decide its too dangerous out there, I’m going to be Batman but I’m going to do it alone, I don’t want you being Robin anymore. No, he only did it to GIVE Damian something, to bring in MORE family, make that circle WIDER and try and build a connection that at the time was non existent. That’s an entirely different motivation than just wanting to TAKE AWAY Robin from Tim, purely because of something to do or not to do with Tim and nobody else.

And Dick literally told Tim it was because he felt Tim was too GOOD to be Robin anymore? Because he viewed Tim as an equal and wouldn’t be comfortable ordering him around in the field, the way Batman and Robin’s dynamic has always worked? And that just....didn’t mean anything to either Tim or most of his fans, because it wasn’t what they WANTED to hear, it wasn’t ‘oh I realized I made a mistake, Tim please be Robin again’ so it might as well have never been said, I guess.

But another huge component of Dick’s angst when he was fired as Robin was because no matter how close he and Bruce had been before that, Bruce had never actually taken the initiative and clarified what their relationship was without Batman and Robin in the picture, what Dick was to him, if and when Dick was no longer Robin. And even after he fired Dick, its not like he stepped up then either to offer an alternative view of how he saw Dick....he was perfectly willing to let Dick just go off and become Nightwing and at no point take the initiative to reach out to Dick and clarify hey, just because I thought it was too dangerous for you to be Robin, that doesn’t mean I stopped viewing you as my family, as my son. No, he waited for Dick to come back to HIM before he could even manage to utter that he’d missed Dick at all.

And that is not Dick and Tim’s dynamic and never was??? Because Dick CONSTANTLY told Tim he was family, he was his brother, long before all of that went down in RR #1. Dick expresses affection openly and often, so much so that the joke has long been that he can be smothering with that. And at the time, Tim was very much legally a Wayne, as was Dick, so....where on earth in any of that was the implication that Dick was in any way trying to reject Tim as a brother? That whatever Dick did with the mantle of Robin could at that point have anything to do with their status as brothers....which had for a long time by that point existed entirely independent of what they both did or didn’t do as vigilantes?

Not to mention the fact that unlike with Bruce and him, where Bruce had shown no effort to reach out to Dick in the literally-according-to-canon EIGHTEEN MONTHS between firing Dick after the Joker shot him and Dick coming back to the cave to confront Bruce about adopting Jason and making him Robin....

Again, not remotely accurate in comparison to Dick and Tim, because even when Tim left, pissed off and hurt....Dick still tried to check up on him constantly, worried about him? Asked others to look after him when Tim kept rejecting his attempts to reach out? Where the fuck does all this stuff about Dick making no effort to hang on to Tim and keep him in his life come from, I would def love to know.

Because if its just about the fact that Dick didn’t believe him about Bruce being alive at first.....I’m just gonna say it. That’s a really fucking shitty thing to hold against someone. LOLOL, yeah, he sucks because he ‘refused’ to believe Tim that the father he’d just buried and whose life he essentially now was living - raising his son, running his company, wearing his mantle, protecting his city, all of which is despite the fact that Dick’s ONLY wish for himself for years, as Tim well knew, had simply been to be his own man, live his own life, not just a pale imitation of Bruce’s....

Like basically, that whole thing there is Tim and/or his fandom resenting Dick for.....being too emotionally fragile at that point in time to deal with the possibility Bruce might actually be alive, might be able to be brought back, brought home....since what goes hand in fucking hand with that is the CRUSHING EMOTIONAL DEATHBLOW that’s the inevitable fallout of THAT if Tim turned out not to be right.

We of course know that Tim was right in the end, and we knew it even then too, those of us reading back at the time....because its comics, and its Bruce, and of course he wasn’t going to stay dead forever, which meant yeah duh, Tim is probably right, even without any evidence yet we can say that.

But without that awareness, without any kind of GUARANTEE....can you imagine being told hey, I know it literally sounds too good to be true, too good to be believed, but that thing you’re probably wishing like hell could happen, your dad could come back, maybe he’s not even really dead at all....guess what, it can! And like....you wouldn’t at all be hesitant about that, afraid to trust it, afraid to believe....because that means finding out later that he really was dead and not coming back would be like losing him all over again? Even though you never actually even got him back, just the idea, the hope of it, but that’s still enough to make you start to dream of how much better things could be, if and when you find him and bring it home....except nope, now you have to wake up again, dream’s over, time to face reality....your dad is still dead and he’s always going to be.

And then can you imagine being RESENTED for that, for not believing that because you’re literally just trying to protect yourself from losing anything else when you feel like you’ve already lost everything you can possibly bear to lose and anything else could break you.....to have this thrown in your face and cited as further proof you don’t really love your little brother, you’re rejecting him....when it has absolutely nothing to do with his credibility and everything to do with the freaking emotional toll that’s demanded of asking a twice orphaned guy to just take it on faith because its you that hey, our dad isn’t really dead, we can get him back?!

Not to mention the fact that Tim had almost gone some VERY fucking dark roads in the not too distant past because he had trouble dealing with Kon’s death, and those of his other friends, not to mention his other dad, Jack....all things that fandom cite for why Dick was so brutal to basically pile on to all of Tim’s other losses by taking Robin away too....but Dick KNEW all this and that’s literally a huge part of WHY he was so worried about Tim, because being aware that your little brother canonically has trouble dealing with major losses and was still reeling from a shit ton of major losses when he lost Bruce too and oh god, I know I made it worse by making Damian Robin instead but I didn’t know what else to do there and its not like I can take it back or change things when I didn’t see an alternative in the first place.....like...are these not legitimate freaking reasons for thinking that said little brother insisting that Bruce wasn’t dead and they could get him back the same way he refused to accept there was no way to bring Kon back....miiiight be more to do with explantions other than...oh yeah our Dad is actually totes alive and just time traveling because that’s what happens when magic god energy kills you, duh, everyone knows that?

Like, its not really that much of a stretch even to take practically everything Dick says to Tim about Tim’s possible mental state as just Dick projecting like hell about his OWN mental state and how much he’d fucking love to take a break and take some time to get his head sorted out before diving right back into the chaotic mess that is their day to day lives.

But like, both Tim and many of his fandom STILL really just don’t even hold back about not caring about any of the time Dick put into building and nurturing the fuck out of a happy, healthy, wholesome relationship with his little brother, not when he then turned around and ruined it by hurting Tim by.....reluctantly prioritizing someone else at a time that Tim really could have used him in the specific way and dynamic they were used to....and not being willing to believe him about Bruce, and in doing so open himself up to the possibility of losing Bruce all over again.

Like???? So many of the mistakes Dick is most vilified for in Batfandom as a whole are in reality actually just....times when he did something people don’t like, because it didn’t center or prioritize their personal favorite SPECIFICALLY, as in above all others. Even though in almost all of these specifics, Dick is actually asked to CHOOSE between two different loved ones or siblings, both equally demanding his attention and focus and efforts....and he’s only allowed to prioritize one, because that innately creates conflict with the other.

Like I know when we stan, its pretty natural for us to get blinded by our biases and not look at the whole picture, like of course we all inevitably tend to think our personal faves were most right or most valid or most hurt, but like just look at that for a second....

Look at how many of the occasions when Dick is considered to have made a mistake and really done wrong by one of his family as a result....how many of those situations are literally a catch-22, where the ONLY way for Dick to have made the ‘right choice’ in the eyes of one particular character’s fans....is for him to have chosen to prioritize that character over the one he actually prioritized in canon....which simply means that even if Dick had taken the road not taken there in canon, he STILL would be just as resented....just by the other’s fans now instead. 

Or when its not about fans at all, but characters, like in the Forever Evil aftermath....the ONLY way for Dick to have made the ‘right choice’ in the eyes of all the characters who give him crap for it later....would have been for him to look his father in the eye, while he himself is at absolute rock bottom, an emotional wreck, and in response to Bruce’s blatant manipulation of Dick’s guilt complex there, say “no, I’m not going to do what you’re asking me to do, even if it costs me your trust and affection?” Like can you imagine being pissed at a guy for NOT being able to say that to their dad when their dad is currently trying to pull the mother of all guilt trips...as if that’s an easy thing to do even when someone’s calm and at their peak emotional health....and not like, recovering from having been tortured and killed and revived just the day before?

Like ahflshglashfa. Srsly? C’MON!

And my question is okay, so when have ANY of the others ever been DEMANDED to make a choice, to pick either Dick or someone else to make their priority...and they chose Dick over that someone else? The CLOSEST I can actually come up with is the end of Under the Red Hood, when Jason taunts Bruce by telling him he better go check on Dick.....BECAUSE THEY BOTH SAW THE SKY TURN GREEN FROM GOTHAM CUZ SOMEONE JUST DROPPED A NUKE ON DICK’S CITY.

(And for the record, I ABSOLUTELY have read stories that bring that up as a point of resentment for Jason, that Bruce was willing to leave their confrontation....because he was worried about Dick....who was in the city that was just leveled by a nuke. Like...that’s not him running to kiss Dick’s boo boo all better because he skinned his knee maybe, lmfao.)

But srsly, its easy not to get blamed for making the ‘wrong’ choice in an impossible ask that doesn’t ALLOW for you to ever make an actually ‘right’ choice...when YOU’RE not the character who is constantly put in that lose/lose situation, specifically in regards to your family. Which is not really a situation that Jason, Tim, Cass, Damian, Duke, are really ever often in, you gotta admit?

AND DICK CONSTANTLY IS.

But yeah, I’m especially cranky about this today, hence the epic rant even by my standards lol, because I’ve been stewing about the Ric storyline still, and what I was saying there about how nobody’s ever really asked to put forth effort that actually COSTS them something, for Dick’s sake specifically...

Because that’s what made me think of the Red Robin stuff, after BOTC. Because just like the Batfamily apparently has no big issues with leaving Ric alone, per his wishes....it would have been SO much easier for Dick to just take the hint when Tim basically was like I’m mad at you, looking to stay that way, so leave me alone unless you’re ready to help me do what I think needs to be done. But Dick DIDN’T stop trying, even though Tim was PISSED at him, and making no effort to hide it, Dick was still like....fuck it, I’ll send Steph to try and look out for you if you won’t let me do it, and yeah maybe that’s less than fucking ideal too but I’m not making good decisions here for a reason like OH YEAH MY LIFE WENT DOWN THE CRAPPER WHEN DAD DIED TOO, and just because you’re mad at me doesn’t mean I can stop worrying about you.

So Ric was mean to the Batfamily, and because of that, I should give a shit what this has to do with them and whether or not they owe it to DICK, their brother, friend, son, to still show up and keep TRYING anyway, no matter what Ric says, because they’re not here for him anyway, they’re here for Dick Grayson, who they all know and believe is still in there somewhere, and they’re not going to let him get hurt anymore than he has been just because the guy in the driver’s seat right now insists he’s not him and doesn’t want to be?

Nope, I’m more like, WELCOME TO THE CLUB, BATFAMILY, FOUNDING PRESIDENT: DICK GRAYSON. Now you too get to for once share in the joys and delights of having to ask more than once for your brother to let you so much as freaking HUG him, without him insulting you or throwing that in your face or bringing up all the times you did stuff he didn’t like and that’s why he doesn’t want you around.

Except.....*searches high and low* no Batfam currently demonstrating levels of give a shit and/or remorse in regards to Dick, shock, woe, how can this be, what a mystery, much befuddlement.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching JIBcon videos (part 3 of ?)

Cockles panel

in which Jensen commits unicorn murder and I wanna call the unicorn cops

part 1 // part 2

currently watching this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd8O2-_Akk0&ab_channel=thiniassk

--

04:51pm

i have like.... 4 minutes left of this panel

LET’S GO

(edit: nope it was 4 minutes of that video, then another 15 minute video)

-

04:53

oh yeah, jensen’s lowkey flipping off the crowd about canon destiel

-

04:54

oh!! i see what that anon meant about jensen sitting in his chair weird. whenever he puts his hand in his pocket he’s having a dick issue

a dickssue, if you will

(also he continues to flip off the crowd, he’s so angry rn)

-

04:56

misha: “dean doesn’t like it when cas [stands/stares?] in his doorway and watches him sleep”

jensen doing some mAJOR crotch-protection

is his fighting a boner or is he made deeply vulnerable by this question and misha’s v gay answer? maybe both

-

jared: “because he’s naked”

BUT WHO IS NAKED. CAS OR DEAN??

omg

-

05:02pm

video ended!! last one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aJYiR715n0&ab_channel=thiniassk

-

05:04

jensen lifts one arm off his crotch and then immediately puts the other one across

hot damn there’s definitely a situation there, physical or emotional, i can’t tell

wow

but that said, misha has had his arms crossed this ENTIRE panel. i don’t think either of them fully relaxed this time around. they’re both tense, they’re both mildly uncomfortable. jensen way more than misha. that’s a low mood if i ever saw one

-

05:08

jensen confirms that the casting is done by the director

so now we know who to blame when episodes kill a lot of black people

-

05:09

his arm left his crotch for the first time in several minutes, when he started talking about directing

which confirms that the discomfort was emotional, not physical - or at least he maybe dealt with the physical boner (? - going off info an anon sent me) and was left with an emotional echo, and only relaxed when passionate thoughts on directing distracted him

-

05:13

um okay

weird

jensen cheered up REAL fast.

-

05:14

okay no

i was wrong

he’s still fucking PISSED AS HELL

honestly i kind of hate that part of his personality. passive aggressive destruction of things that bring other people joy as a vaguely-directed form of punishment

see the problem i have... with jared, and come to think of it, jensen too, is that destructive hurt-somebody streak. yeah sure it’s just a plastic unicorn. but. it’s a symbol and jensen knows it. break the thing and you break the thing it symbolises. it’s a soft pure innocent thing full of gay love and he wants it dead.

i maybe roll back my take on the destiel vs jensen thing last post. either that or i stand by it, and chalk this up to self-defence of his heterostraight manliness, because jensen felt put on the spot by misha and jared’s gay destiel talk. idk yet

but anyone who breaks other people’s things when they’re angry has a problem

god he’s so complicated

and the way he does this when he’s angry legitimately makes me upset. i can’t believe he has young kids and still does this kind of thing without empathy

i don’t know whether i’m just growing up or whether these destructive “jokes/pranks” are getting old. but i am really, really over it

-

05:30

and just thinking about this more, i feel like it would be easy to accuse me of saying “well i bet you think MISHA can do no wrong”

but like

he doesn’t

he doesn’t do this. he lifts people up, he comforts them, he fixes things, he makes new things, he turns a frown upside down. if he does do anything destructive it’s with permission and a creative purpose. HE DOESN’T HURT PEOPLE. HE DOESN’T BREAK THINGS.

in short he’s not an entitled jerk.

i know i answered a question yesterday and said i’m invested in who jensen is as a person, and i am, same for jared, but that doesn’t mean i won’t criticise behaviour i can’t agree with. same goes for misha. just happens that misha pisses me off 100% fewer times per year.

yeah, it’s a plastic unicorn. it was a joke. it was funny. it was a silly bit to entertain the audience.

but it wasn’t HIS plastic unicorn to murder. it didn’t entertain the audience, they all made a collective sad noise. he did that unicorn murder because of his own personal reasons.

-

edit to add: jensen’s plastic unicorn murder is in no way as bad as jared’s ACTUAL PHYSICAL HARM done to misha. but like. it kind of comes from the same place of carelessness.

-

idk. i just keep going into these con videos expecting to have a good time and then feeling surprised when these actors are not perfect people with the perfect answer, demonstrating perfect model celebrity behaviour to audiences of thousands.

i know they’re exhausted. i know jensen’s tipsy. i know he’s just messing around. i know it’s JUST A PLASTIC UNICORN.

maybe misha’s behaviour under the same circumstances just sets my expectations too high.

just........ be kind. don’t hurt other people. don’t break things that don’t belong to you. how hard is that?

the stupid thing is that if i said that to jensen he’d laugh and say “obviously”, but then doesn’t live up to his own standards, and probably doesn’t think twice about veering away from that under certain circumstances, seen here, case in point

-

and i say all this while still harbouring love for all three of them

just to be clear

-

05:48

oh my god there’s not a single person on earth who takes this damn long to watch a 45-minute con panel

i’m 3 minutes into this last video and i gotta stop again for now. sorry this one had yet another negative tone, i swear to you i intended to fill it with rainbows!!! and then jensen went and stabbed the rainbows

so

>:{

might be back tomorrow for more~ hopefully :D

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

So, uh, idk if anyone is interested in reading Some Fanfic but I write as a bit of a hobby, so uh - anyway, take this bit about the first meeting between the Mastersona of my Chaldea and Diarmuid.

There was no Throne. There was only the dark.

           In this vast expanse of nothing, there were individual sparks – far apart, close together, dim and bright and separate. Each spark was a Hero, and some were closer to the light than the others.

           One of those sparks is “Diarmuid ua Duibhne.”

           Formless, empty, and waiting for life to breathe into him.

           But conscious. That was something.

           Without a mind to dream, he could not have nightmares. But he remembered.

           With my command seal, I order you –

           You will suffer, they’d promised, and he had.

           Haven’t I suffered enough?

           It was engraved into that consciousness. The confusion of betrayal, the hateful anger, the curse he’d laid down with all the mana pouring out of him, the blood pouring out of him, his own insides falling out into the mud and the dirt…

           His lord stood over him, watching him die.

           It was not that he remembered – it’s that he would never be able to forget.

           Still, there was something of the light in the soul of “Diarmuid ua Duibhne,” who had once been called “the brightest one,” and “the radiant knight.” Born of gods, blessed by the Fair Folk, the first of his brothers-in-arms – there was conviction and promise there that were also unforgettable. Defined by his curses but unable to allow the darkness to claim him, he lingered in a strange and uncomfortable limbo. Haunted by his past, unable to walk into the future.

           Before I am a Servant, I am also a knight.

           He’d said that once. He couldn’t forget that, either.

           And so, when he felt the distinctive pull of life – the pull of a Master, a mage calling for him – the first thing he experienced before materialization was… feeling. Confusion, dread, rage, fear, fear, fear –

           A Servant has no choice. But a knight is… more…

           Again, again. It was all so useless. He would never escape this cycle. This pain.

           And when you fall into the searing pits of hell, you will remember the rage of Diarmuid –

           Not again. Not again.

           This time, I’ll…

           He materialized, sinking to one knee in a burst of blue-white light. That light had never happened before, but he did not allow it to shock him. There was no space between knowledge and formlessness, so he could not even be surprised by the information that rose to the front of his mind, explaining the situation to him before he could even think to ask the question. Strangely, though – his ugly memories, his pain – it did not vanish upon summoning. It took an almost physical effort to shove them back, to focus on the here, the now – his new mission. A new Master. He took a deep breath.

           “I am the first spear of Fianna, Diarmuid ua Duibhne. I offer you my service – should you accept, I shall protect you from all harm.”

           Those were not the words he usually used to introduce himself – he rarely gave his name upon summoning, since he assumed that his Masters knew of him if they had acquired a relic that could cause him to manifest – yet they still felt natural on his tongue. Why had he said all of that? Why had he not simply asked for a confirmation of the contract? This facility is different, his mind told him. This time, it’s going to be different.

           “Okay!”

           Diarmuid nearly bit his tongue when a sudden tide of bitter dread rolled over him. He did not lift his head, but he became aware that there were several people in the room with him, and there was at least one woman.

           She continued to speak, cheerfully. “That’s pretty swell, if I do say so myself. I mean, I got the same class and the same country I was aiming for – so I am going to go ahead and count this summoning right in the success column! You know, I really think I’m getting the hang of this whole Master thing!”

           Her voice was pleasant and distinctive – low and rich and warm. She may have been young, but perhaps not much younger than he was in this body. Diarmuid had two conflicting thoughts at once. The first was that he might be able to get along with this girl if she was immune to his curse; the second was pure horror when he realized that she was the one who had summoned him. This woman was to be his Master.

           He had never had a female Master – except for…

           “Oh, my…”

           Diarmuid nearly flinched. Yes, there were others – this voice was female as well. Her voice was higher, but more mature. She seemed… fascinated. That wasn’t an especially unusual reaction to the curse, but it was hard to tell if she’d been affected without looking at her directly, and he couldn’t risk it. How humiliating – a female Master, and now this. Diarmuid could not lower his head any further without physically curling his body in on itself – this summoning, his memories had disoriented him. He could not sense precisely where this one was standing, and so he could not tell if it was possible to turn his head and hide the love spot from her.

           Somehow, it got worse from there.

           His Master piped up, cautiously. “Mash, you good? You alright over there?”

           A third woman – no, Diarmuid realized upon hearing the responding gasp. This one was a girl – a young girl. She struggled and stammered and he heard her shift anxiously on her feet. Shame and despair filled him. He never hated his curse more than when young girls were affected. Their pleas affected his honor and he hated to see them cry when he turned them away. Some of them could be quite persistent as well, even if their demeanor seemed modest… in fact…

           His head hurt.

           “Okay,” said a man’s voice. He was standing farthest back – he’d be no help. “Let’s not panic.”

           They were panicking? Diarmuid couldn’t believe the situation had become this bad already.

           “Mash, you’re freaking me out,” said his Master’s voice, flat with befuddlement. “Seriously, what’s up?”

           “It’s just…” The young girl stammered again. “You – you lost your contact lenses on the plane… and you… you broke your glasses in that Singularity…”

           His Master made a nervous sound and spoke under her breath. “Okay, yeah, but can we not talk about this in front of the new guy? Like, we know that I’m stupid but he doesn’t need to know that about me. I feel like we’re making a bad impression, so can we –”

           “I wouldn’t call this a bad impression,” said the third woman, distantly. “Would you please look up for just a moment?”

           Diarmuid winced, and hated himself when he raised his head automatically. Still following orders like a mindless dog, even now, after everything.          

           He was in a very bright, pale room. The summoning circle was gray and etched into the floor of what was unquestionably the most high-tech place that Diarmuid had ever been summoned in. His mind supplied the knowledge – it had been almost two decades since his last summons. Still, this seemed like quite a leap in human scientific progress. Diarmuid allowed himself to quickly sweep the room and take inventory. There was his Master – a young woman with her thick brown hair pulled into a side ponytail, average sized with few distinguishing physical features. Pretty, yes, but obviously an ordinary person. There was also the stammering girl, who was burying her face in her hands and trying very hard not to stare. At the back was the man, the only male in the room apart from Diarmuid. He had a lot of long orange hair tied into a ponytail as well – he was young, wearing a long green and white coat decorated with an odd triangular symbol. He looked a bit put off, but his gaze was focused on the woman who’d asked to see Diarmuid’s face.

           She was a simply stunning beauty. Diarmuid wanted to chide himself for allowing that thought to cross his mind, but there was no escaping it. She had long, silken dark hair and deep blue eyes shining out of a face like the moon. There was a faint smile on her lips – like she knew a secret that others didn’t – but she had her hand on her heart, and her slender brows were knitted slightly. She seemed elated but her eyes were not focused on Diarmuid. This was – confusing.

           “Fascinating,” she said, almost dreamily. “Please don’t be offended when I tell you that I am normally immune to this sort of thing but I must say you took us a bit by surprise and well… I’ve never felt anything like it. Quite astonishing, really.”

           She lifted her free hand into the air, pointing one finger up in what Diarmuid realized, somewhat belatedly, was a sort of Eureka! type gesture. She declared, “I would like to run a few tests!”

           The man with orange hair looked at him. So did the Master – but to Diarmuid’s further confusion, she did not swoon or blush. She simply squinted at him, and blinked rapidly before turning back to the other two women.

           Diarmuid thought, Ah – it could be that…

           “Okay,” said the orange-haired man. He got up and spread his arms, coming between the Master and the other two women, physically herding them towards the door at the back of this room. “I think both of you need to leave, just – no, that’s fine, Mash, you can go –”

           “Um,” said the Master.

           The girl called Mash practically sprinted for the door, a blush spreading to her neck and ears. The other woman resisted leaving and argued with the man as he gently maneuvered her outside.

           “As a scientist, you know, I adhere to the strictest ethical standards in all my experiments, and of course I wouldn’t do anything invasive or strange – it’s really a once in a lifetime opportunity for a genius such as myself to study this kind of magic –”

           The door slammed in her face, and then it was just the three of them.

           Diarmuid looked at his Master, allowing himself a moment of curiosity.

           She threw up her hands as she turned back to stare at him with the same incredulous face that he was sure he’d been wearing for the past few minutes.

           “What is happening? Who are you, anyway?”

           Yes, Diarmuid thought, resigning himself to his fate. This one was going to be very different.

-----------------------------------------

           Zoe had not been at all disappointed with the appearance of Diarmuid O’Dyna, even though she hadn’t been trying to summon him. She’d only been at this Master thing for about a week, and she’d been injured pretty badly in the city on fire, so as far as she was concerned, any Servant who decided to turn up in Chaldea was welcome. But seeing how Mash and Da Vinci had reacted to him was baffling. He hadn’t even really done anything strange or intimidating, and Mash had run out like the room was on fire while Da Vinci rattled on about experimenting on the new Servant.

           She turned back to get a better look at him. Indeed, she had lost her contact lenses during a fiasco in a South American airport on her way to Chaldea. (In fact, this was the whole reason that she’d been late to the orientation and kicked off the first mission at all. Either fitting or ironic – to think that an act of carelessness or incompetence on someone’s part had saved her life in the end.) And Lainur had smashed her glasses when he’d tossed her around like a ragdoll in that cavern where the first Holy Grail rested. Her bruises had healed nicely thanks to Roman – but she still could barely see. They’d offered to do a laser surgery and fix her eyesight in Chaldea, but Zoe had argued that they shouldn’t waste the resources on something she was perfectly capable of handling herself.

           Still, now she wondered what exactly she was missing. The new Servant was down on one knee – a very courtly sort of position, but he’d said he was a knight – and he seemed rather tall. She had the sense that if he got to his feet, he’d be at least a head taller than her. He was also muscular, but she didn’t have the sense of him being especially bulky either. He had thick dark hair, and was wearing green – probably leather armor with a few metal plates here and there, while most of his legs were taken up with high brown boots. Which altogether meant that she had a vague idea of what he looked like, but it was hard to tell without seeing him clearly.

           “Sorry about all that,” Roman was saying, moving around monitors and tables to stand beside them. “I think you took us a bit by surprise.”

           Diarmuid O’Dyna said, “I beg your pardon – but you did not intend to summon me?”

           Zoe didn’t want him to think that he was her second choice. She didn’t want to give him more reasons to be upset when she’d clearly already made the worst possible first impression. “Well, no – not as such, no.”

           “Please,” Roman interjected in the awkward pause that followed. “Rise, Diarmuid. There’s no need to be formal on our account. We’re very casual here.”

           Slowly, Diarmuid got to his feet. He had to have been at least six feet tall, and he stood very stiffly – uncomfortable – which made him seem even taller. Most of his gaze was focused onto Zoe, which made her feel like she was being tested for something.

           “It’s just that I am quite sure you called for me specifically,” said Diarmuid. “Yet you seem to have no idea who I am?”

           “Well,” Zoe said, struggling to find a way to salvage this situation. “If you must know – I was trying to summon Cu Chulainn. Not that I want to,” she added swiftly, “because he was kind of a dick honestly, but I had worked with him previously and he said he was good in the Lancer class, and I needed a Lancer – but now you’re here! And this is great! I’m really – um…”

           She faltered and trailed off, feeling useless.

           Luckily, Roman stepped in. “Zoe, you know the story of Fionn MacCumhaill?”

           “No?”

           “One of Ireland’s most famous heroes,” he insisted. “A mage-knight who was the star of the Fenian mythological cycle? Defeated the war god Nuadha? It’s said that he built the Giant’s Causeway?”

           “Oh.” Zoe frowned, a rock formation fleeting through her mind. “Oh, yeah, I know that one.”

           “Well, Fionn is most famous for leading the order of the Fianna – a famous brotherhood of knights. And here –” He gestured to Diarmuid. “– as mentioned, is one of the most famous among their number. Apart from Oisin - Fionn’s son, the narrator of the cycle - and Fionn himself, Diarmuid is probably the most well-known and storied member of the Fianna. He is also known as ‘Diarmuid of the Love Spot.’”

           “Okay. What does that mean?”

           “You probably can’t see it, but there is a small mole – or you might call it a ‘beauty mark’ – beneath Diarmuid’s eye. It’s enchanted.”

           Zoe squinted at Diarmuid’s face. She didn’t want to get too close to him; when she looked directly at him, he seemed to get even more uncomfortable. He held himself awkwardly, like he was ready to run away from her at any given moment. She had a sudden flash of understanding.

           “Enchanted how, exactly?”

           Roman looked at Diarmuid, who remained stubbornly silent.

           “It was given to him by a fairy,” Roman explained. “The living incarnation of youth, whom he knew at his foster father’s court. It may have been intended as a blessing but it functions as a curse. Any woman who looks at that spot falls madly in love.”

           Zoe thought about this. She looked Diarmuid up and down, trying to pick out a distinguishing feature. Her mind supplied the idea that he must be exceptionally handsome – the way he was cut, there was no way he’d ever be considered “ugly.” But he was too blurry for her to form a concrete opinion. She had no idea what to think.

           She said, “And I’m sure this has never caused you any problems ever before in your life?”

           Diarmuid’s shoulders sagged.

           “Your poor eyesight is a blessing to me in more ways than you can possibly know.”

           There was a pause while the remark landed. Zoe was delighted; she felt like she’d passed whatever test had been set in front of her, like she’d broken through some wall that was standing between them. She knew at once that Diarmuid would fit in here, and that they’d be able to get along, curse or no curse withstanding.

           Diarmuid seemed embarrassed. He put up his hands. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for –”

           “No,” Zoe said, grinning. “That was good – you’re funny!”

           “Zoe, can I ask just how much you can actually see right now?” Roman’s voice pipped up hesitantly. Still in a good mood, she answered with one hundred percent honesty.

           “Well, I can definitely see – like colors and shapes and how many fingers am I holding up and whatnot. I probably won’t get lost on my way to here or my room or the cafeteria or anything like that.”

           “Probably?” Roman muttered.

           “Probably,” Zoe confirmed. “But I definitely can’t read anything right now, and also I’ve had a headache since I got up this morning.”

           There was another pause here.

           Roman said, “Zoe, that’s incredibly bad.”

           “Da Vinci’s making my new glasses, I don’t know what you want from me!” she said, defensive. “Anyway, let’s focus on how we can fix this.”

           “Fix…?”

           “Yes, fix!” Zoe gestured in Diarmuid’s direction. “We can’t have him walking around here with a curse on his face. We have to find a way to remove it or it’ll cause everyone more problems in the long run.”

           Diarmuid said, “Master, I must –”

           “Oh, you can just call me Zoe, that’s fine.”

            Insistently, Diarmuid said, “This is not the kind of curse that can be ‘fixed.’”

           “Nothing is impossible,” Zoe shot back, folding her arms. “This is a good first challenge for me as a mage! Finding a solution to a curse like this –”

           “Zoe, please don’t take this the wrong way, but this is a bit beyond your pay grade,” Roman interrupted, raising his hands. “This is - this is the unholy combination of a divine blessing and faerie magic. Diarmuid knows better than either of us, I’m sure – it can’t be removed or erased.”

           “Then I’ll just find a way to block it!” Zoe decided.

           “That’s unnecessary,” Diarmuid said. “If I’m causing too much trouble for you here, then you may simply –”

           “No.”

           Roman said, “Zoe, let him finish.”

           “I said, no.” Zoe took a deep breath. Honestly, speaking her mind took practice, but she had no problem here – she had only known this Diarmuid person for five minutes but she knew in her heart that he was meant to be here, even if she’d summoned him by mistake. And even if that wasn’t the case, she had made a promise to herself. “I’m not sending back any Servants. I said that I wouldn’t and I meant it. We wanted a Lancer, now here’s a great one! I will fix this stupid love curse thing if it’s the last thing I do, because as a Master it’s my duty to make sure that my Servants are in their best condition, and you can quote me on that!”

           Neither of them responded to this, and so Zoe told Diarmuid, “Okay, well this is normally the part where I show you to your room here but I’m thinking maybe it’s a better idea for Roman to do that?”

           “Sure, Zoe,” said Roman, with a faint sigh. Diarmuid was just staring at Zoe as if he had never seen anything like her before. Maybe, Zoe thought, he hadn’t. She had a million questions for him, but honestly, she was worried that she’d already said too much, too soon. “You go get some rest, okay? Don’t strain your eyes too much.”

“I’m going to go look for Mash.”

“I would rather you just went back to your room and rested -“ Roman tried to say.

“I’m going to find Mash,” said Zoe, sharply, “and we’re going to brainstorm ideas on how to break a love curse!”

There was a final pause, in which both of their gazes felt very heavy and long. Zoe felt the back of her neck grow warm with embarrassment and she hurried out of the room before either of them could start laughing at her earnest declaration. 

-------------------------------------------------

This was the first meeting between Diarmuid ua Duibhne and Zoe Venier, Master at Chaldea. When the door swung shut on Zoe’s back, the knight had a moment of silence to sort out what, exactly, he was feeling at this moment. He was not less anxious, but neither was he more anxious. This was not like any summons he had been called into before, and Zoe was clearly not an ordinary Master. An amateur, to be certain - but was it a bad thing, all things considered? She talked very fast, and when he focused, he could feel the new currents of mana within him - pure and strong and plenty; she practically radiated magical energy like a miniature star. And she was probably blind as a bat - if she could look him right in the face and not even flinch - a new kind of anxiety rolled into him at the thought. Why in the world was she walking around unassisted if she could barely see someone standing directly in front of her? Wasn’t she at all concerned for her safety, or was she simply that confident in her ability to find her way around?

            Roman looked at Diarmuid and smiled, awkward but reassuring. His voice jarred Diarmuid from his thoughts, pulling him back to Earth with a jolt.

           “Don’t worry too much about her,” he said. “She’s a very sweet girl – you’ll like her, we all do. But she has her quirks that take some getting used to.”

           Diarmuid believed him. That, he thought, was going to be a problem.

---------------------------------

NOTES:

So uh, how bout that mobile game Fate Grand Order? Anyone else have Feelings about Fate characters and the Chaldea system? Just me?

Anyway, some context for this is just the way I’m writing this particular Master sona - it’s based on Order of Arrival my Chaldea with a few notable, plot-related exceptions. IE, the original Servants I rolled are Robin Hood, Emiya, Touta, and Hundred Face Hassan - but I also got Cu Chulainn in this same tutorial roll. But in this story, the “alt class” versions of a Servant don’t show up because it’s confusing for me to keep that many characters straight so it becomes a plotpoint after CasCu helps her in Fuyuki where she tries again and again to summon him but can’t - because the hero Cu Chulainn been already summoned into another Singularity. Instead, while trying to summon “an Irish Lancer” she gets Diarmuid - therefore insuring that he won’t be summoned into the American Singularity. 

Trust me it’s for the Character Development.

The Mastersona is Zoe Venier, obviously - she’s not really like me too much apart from her stupidly bad eyesight. She’s also my age (24, if you were curious!), but that’s because it’s easier for me to write a main character who is My Age and has similar life experience to me. A few of my OCs are teenagers and I already know that if I ever publish their story, they will Not Act Like Normal Teenagers. Anyway, Zoe’s life is entirely fabricated, though it has bases in my experiences. Kind of a spoiler/explanation: Zoe’s spirit origin is something along the lines of “home” or “safe,” and so prolonged contact with her/her mana causes Heroic Spirits to remember their past lives - and in particular, it causes them to be reminded of people that they loved or cared for. This is how she draws Dantes in later and how she’s able to communicate with Berserkers. It’s also part of how Diarmuid is able to hold on to his memories of Fate/Zero, though there are OBVIOUSLY other reasons for that.

Lastly and related to that previous point, Diarmuid deserves character development/healing and I think that it’s important to acknowledge previous summons in Grand Order since characters are established to at the very least recognize each other/people from their pasts. There’s another bit I have written that takes place not long after this - after Zoe finds a way to block the Love Spot, he runs into Hundred Face Hassan and they get all bickery and tense about the Holy Grail War that they both now remember - and ANYWAY I have a lot of ideas and this post is already so damn long. If you have questions or like it, hit me up, I do like feedback!