#you ll have a honk maybe

[uotuok]

[screaminglygay]

Watermelon, sugar, high.

pairing: wanda maximoff x fem!reader

summary: you are not a big fan of collage parties, but maybe you´ll change your mind, when there´s an interesting person around.

warnings: stoner!wanda, weed consumption, alcohol consumption, swearing, bad flirting, making out while being high

word count: 2.6k

an: this fic is not meant to encourage people to use drugs!! i want to have a flirty chat with wanda and i also want her sweet lips on mine:)

"Hiii!" Your friend links hand with yours.

"Abolutely not." You shake your head.

"Come on! It will be fun." Your friend begs you to go with them to the usual Friday party.

"Drunk people grinding agaisnt eachother is not fun," you take look at them as you start heading out of the school.

"Oh my god! If you don´t want to grind on people, that´s fine, don´t do it," they roll their eyes at you, "but you have to come, please! Pretty please."

"I hate you." Now it´s your time to roll your eyes.

"You don´t, you love me and that´s why you´ll be ready at eight." You´re already done for today, so you take a nice walk back into your apartment.

It´s not like you hate parties, but you´re just socialy awkward and you don´t really see the point of drinking tons of alcohol, making out with a stranger and having a hangover the next day. Maybe you actually do hate parties.

With a resigned sigh, you settle on an outfit that feels comfortable yet still a bit stylish. Black on black. It's not perfect, but it will have to do. Glancing at the clock make you realize that your friend will be here soon to pick you up, expecting you to be ready. You take a deep breath, trying to calm the fluttering in your chest. Maybe it doesn't matter what you wear—maybe it's just about showing up and enjoying yourself.

Enjoying yourself in a house full of alcohol, drugs, drunk and horny people. How can you enjoy yourself there? Oh god.

Your friend arrives right on time, honking the horn playfully to announce her presence. You grab your phone, keys and wallet and rush to her car.

Buckling up, you can't shake the anxiety gripping you. "I really hate parties," you admit with a sigh, meeting her gaze as she starts the engine.

She glances at you, empathy softening her expression. "I know you do," she acknowledges gently, her voice laced with understanding. "But tonight's going to be great. Just relax, enjoy the fun, and embrace your youth."

"Embrace your youth?" You roll your eyes. "I just never feel like I fit in."

"Trust me, once we get there, you'll see that no one cares, everyone is just in their little head, like you are." She smiles at you.

You fidget with your shirt, still hesitant. "What if I don't know anyone?" you ask, nerves creeping back in.

She reaches over, squeezing your hand comfortingly. "I'll be right by your side," she assures you, her reassurance grounding you.

And that was a lie.

"I´ll be back in a second," your friend said - and that was like a 40 minutes ago.

You glance around awkwardly, attempting to look engaged while secretly wishing for your friend to reappear. People bustle past, engaged in their own conversations and laughter, oblivious to your internal struggle.

A burst of laughter erupts nearby, drawing your attention momentarily. You force a smile, trying to appear approachable, but no one even looks at your direction. The music pounds in your ears, a constant reminder of the pulsating atmosphere you're trying to navigate alone.

"You look like you need some company," you hear raspy voice behind you and then you see a face, pretty face. Tall girl with long brown hair in a black skirt that falls to mid-thigh, paired with a dark gray long-sleeve shirt that drapes softly against her silhouette, her outfit complemented by a delicate necklace that adds a special touch to it all.

After you basically checked her up and down, you slightly shake your head, "not really, no." You sip from your drink that tastes like shit, "my friend just went to the bathroom."

"Are they okay? I mean being in the bathroom for," she looks at her phone, "over 30 minutes is a long time."

"How do you know that?!" You tilt your head as she leans closer to you.

"I know a lot of things, malysh. I also know that you need company or you gonna pass out from all the stuff that it´s happening in here, follow me." She offers you her hand.

"I´m not gonna follow a stranger somewhere… away from the crowd."

"I´m Wanda, you are?"

"(Y/N)."

"Now we´re not strangers," She takes your hand in her soft one. Oh her hands are nice. A sly smile as she leads you outside, on the roof to be specific. Suddenly the world goes quiet - yes, you still hear the music, but this feels way nicer and you breathe some fresh air.

"Better, (Y/N)?" Wanda smiles at you.

You nod, "yeah, a lot actually," you smile back at her.

Wanda nods, she walks further away from you, sitting on the edge of the roof, "this is my favorite spot."

"Oh, so this is your house?" You look around once more, then you go and join her.

Wanda nods, pulling a small bag with… weed. You look back at her.

"Shouldn't you be downstairs, enjoying your own party?" Your gaze drops to her hands, each adorned with unique silver rings that catch the light as she expertly crushes the dried herb in her grinder. With practiced finesse, she meticulously spreads the cannabis along the length of the rolling paper, ensuring an even distribution.

"My brother is enjoying that for the both of us," her fingers, nimble and fold the paper around the herb, creating a tight cylinder.

Once satisfied with the shape, she licks the edge of the paper, sealing it with a practiced flick of her tongue. And from her pocket she pulls out a black lighter. After few seconds the scent of cannabis permeates the air, blending with the distant bass thump of music from downstairs. She puts her lighter back into her pocket.

"So not a party person?" Your eyes are concentratates on her lips, she´s really beautiful.

Wanda exhales, her eyes scanning the horizon. "Parties can be… overwhelming," she admits. "I prefer quieter moments like this, where I can think and breathe."

You nod in agreement, "it's nice up here," you offer, glancing at her with a small smile. "Peaceful."

"Yeah," Wanda murmurs, a faint smile playing on her lips. "I come here a lot, away from the noise of the world."

As you both settle into a comfortable silence, you can´t help but glance at her time to time. The more you look at her, the more you find her beuatiful.

Wanda notices the way you´re basically staring at her, "would you like some?"

"Oh no, no, I- uh never had… that." You point to her blunt between her pretty fingers.

"Never?" Her smirk widens.

You shake your head at her question, "never."

"Wanna try it?" She take one more puff of the joint.

"I-" You want to try it. "I´m not sure." You manage to say.

Wanda smiles and nods, "Okay, no preasure here."

"No, I want to try it, I… I don´t know why I said I´m not sure…" your eyes went from Wanda to her fingers and then back up at her.

"Looks like you need to relax a bit." Your hand reaches for the blunt, but Wanda moves away, her fingers gracefully taking hold of it. Her touch is delicate yet firm as she brings the blunt to your lips, guiding it with a steady hand.

"Open, but don't inhale into your lungs," she instructs softly, her voice a soothing.

You follow her guidance, parting your lips as the tip of the blunt touches them. The smoke tickles your throat as you tentatively draw it in, but despite your efforts to follow Wanda's instructions, the unfamiliar sensation overwhelms you. The harshness of the smoke makes you cough.

"Oh god-" it feels like your insides are on fire.

"It´s okay," her other hand falls on your knee and softly rubs it up and down to sooth you, "let it all out."

After few deep breaths and few tears from your eyes, you finally speak, "that was… horrible."

Wanda chuckles, "the first time is always bad, unless you´re eating edibles."

"Can I try it again?" Your eyes meet Wanda´s ones, "please?" You add.

She smiles at your politeness and nods, bringing her hand back to your mouth, as you inhale a bit, you cough again. Her hand never left your knee, slowly running up and down to sooth you again.

"I don´t know what I though-" another absoutely horrible inhale, making you cought even more than the first try.

"It's okay," she reassures you, her voice calm and steady. "It takes time to get used to it. Just take it slow."

You nod, taking comfort in her words and the steadying touch of her hand. With each attempt, you feel a bit more at ease. Despite the coughing and the burning sensation in your throat, there's a strange comfort in sharing this moment with Wanda, her presence grounding you amidst the new experience.

"You're doing great," Wanda encourages, her smile warm and genuine. "It gets easier, I promise. And I think that for the first time, few puffs will be just enough for you." She chuckles.

Her encouragement fuels your determination, and you take another small puff, this time managing to hold it in for a moment before exhaling. The smoke swirls around you, mingling with the cool night air.

"See? Getting better already," Wanda praises, her hand still gently caressing your knee. The warmth of her touch feels so good.

You hum. "What's supposed to happen after smoking weed?" you ask, curiosity mingling with uncertainty.

Wanda smiles, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well, it varies from person to person, but usually, you start to feel more relaxed, maybe a bit giggly or nostalgic. It's different for everyone."

You nod, processing her words as the minutes tick by. Slowly, a warm, tingling sensation spreads through your body. Your mind begins to feel lighter, the edges of your thoughts softening into a pleasant haze. The world around you seems to take on a softer, more vibrant hue.

After some minutes of silence, Wanda notices the look on your face. "How are you feeling?"

You take a moment to consider, a small smile creeping onto your lips. "I feel… good. Warm. Like everything's a little more… interesting," you say.

Wanda's smile widens, and she nods in understanding. "That's the idea. It's all about letting go and enjoying the moment."

As you sit there, the conversation flows effortlessly. You talk about everything and nothing—your favorite books, funny memories from childhood, and even some old cartoons you used to watch as a kid. Wanda listens intently, her laughter ringing out occasionally, filling the rooftop with a joyful sound.

At one point, you find yourself marveling at the stars above, their brilliance more vivid than ever. "Do you think there's life out there?" you ask, your voice dreamy and reflective.

Wanda tilts her head, considering the question. "I think the universe is too vast for us to be the only ones. It's kind of comforting, in a way, to think we're part of something much bigger."

You nod, feeling a profound sense of connection to the universe and to Wanda next you.

"You're really good at this," you say suddenly, looking at her with wide, appreciative eyes.

Wanda chuckles softly. "At what?"

"At making me feel… like it's okay to just be," you reply, your voice sincere.

Wanda's expression softens, and she reaches out to gently squeeze you thigh. "Happy to be at your service," she says simply.

You find yourself staring at Wanda, unable to tear your eyes away from her. The way her lips curve into a gentle smile, the way her eyes twinkle with a mixture of amusement and understanding—it's all captivating. The world around you blurs, leaving just the two of you in sharp focus.

Wow… why didn´t you come to the party before? It´s just so… fascinating.

Wanda notices your intense gaze and smiles knowingly. "You're adorable when you're high, you know that?" she says, her voice low and teasing.

You blush, but you can't look away. "Am I?" you murmur, feeling a warmth spread through your chest that has nothing to do with the weed.

Wanda leans in a bit closer, her eyes locked onto yours. "Absolutely. You have this… innocent charm. It's really endearing."

You giggle nervously, feeling your cheeks heat up. "You're not so bad yourself."

Wanda's grin widens. "Oh? What do you like about me?" she asks, her tone playful and flirty.

You bite your lip, feeling a surge of boldness. "You´re beautiful. So beautiful that I want to kiss you."

Wanda's eyes darken with interest, and she leans in closer, her lips just a breath away from yours. "Well, who am I to deny a request like that?" she whispers.

Before you can respond, Wanda's lips brush against yours, soft and tentative. The kiss is gentle at first, a sweet exploration. Your heart races, and you find yourself leaning into her, deepening the kiss. Wanda's hand slides up to cup your cheek, her thumb brushing softly against your skin.

As you kiss, Wanda's other hand rests on your thig. "You taste sweet," she murmurs, her voice husky.

"And you taste like… heaven," you reply, feeling a little dazed but incredibly happy.

Wanda laugh at your words, finding it absolutely adorable how high you are, her eyes sparkling. "Heaven, huh? I like that."

The weed might be helping, but you truly feel like you´re in "heaven", you nodd.

"I think I'd prefer us both to be sober for the rest," she whispers, her eyes looking into yours. "How about we continue this on a proper date?"

You nod, your heart fluttering with excitement. "I'd like that," you reply, your voice barely above a whisper.

Wanda's smile widens, and she presses a quick, soft kiss to your forehead. "It's a date, then," she says, her tone filled with promise. There is a comfort silence, until she speaks again. "So, I guess I should ask for your phone number," she says, a playful smile tugging at her lips.

You giggle, feeling a flutter of excitement in your chest. "Yeah, that would be a good idea," you reply, reaching into your pocket for your phone. Your hands are a bit shaky, but you manage to unlock it and hand it over to Wanda.

She types in her number, then hands your phone back to you. "There you go," she says, her smile warm and genuine. "Now we can plan our date."

You grin, calling her so she has your number as well. "I can't wait."

Just then, you hear your friend's voice calling your name from below. "(Y/N)! Are you up there?" she shouts, her tone a mix of concern and impatience.

You sigh, glancing at Wanda. "Looks like my friend is looking for me."

Wanda nods, her expression understanding. "Looks like we have to say our goodbyes," for the first time you can see Wanda´s smile dissapearing. "But tonight was fun. I'm really glad we met."

"Me too," you say, standing up and brushing off your clothes. As you move toward the door, your friend appears, her face a mix of relief and exasperation.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you," she says, crossing her arms. "It's late. We should get going."

"Here I am." You smile proudly.

"Goodnight, Wanda," you say softly.

Wanda smiles, her eyes warm and full of promise. "Goodnight. I'll text you soon," she winks.

As you and your friend walks back down, even at your state you can feel them staring, "we should party more often, it´s fun. Very fun." You mumble looking at her.

They look at you with suprise. "What made you change your mind? Your new friend?"

"Just the vibe is great and you know… it´s all about the vibes. And mostly pretty girls. Pretty girl." You smile to yourself thinking about Wanda again.

Your friend looks at you and it finally clicks, "oh my god, are you high?"

Thank you for reading, I had so much fun writing this hehe:)

[actually-nagito]

everywhere there is privilege, there are also those who suffer. there is always suffering amongst someone else’s privilege. Just because it is hidden from your view doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Most people try to pretend it doesn’t exist or shun it. Examples like the number of homeless individuals increasing as housing prices skyrocket; rich people will make vlogs showing off their renovations and constant purchasing and selling of houses. Meanwhile the only way to afford a house now if you’re gen z or a millenial is if you inherit it, and even then it’s hard to keep up the pay for water, gas, electricity, etc… It shouldn’t be so difficult to have a home, yet it is.

Those CEOs and rich business owners who can earn millions a year but still pay their employees minimum wage - minimum wage isn’t liveable anymore but rich entrepreneurs would still rather have a life of luxury than to admit they’re the cause. If people were actually paid a decent amount, maybe they could afford a house.

People becoming disabled from the pandemic, or war, and governments still not caring about disability equality. If you are on disability benefits, which in Canada is less than half of minimum wage, you cannot marry someone who makes over $6k a year or else you lose your benefits. AKA you cannot get married. Sure firing someone for being disabled is illegal, but making up a reason isn’t. Disabled people struggle to work everyday jobs sometimes because of their disabilities themselves, sometimes able bodied coworkers who are uncomfortable by them.

But they always try to hide it.

“Shh. Keep the disabled worker in the back, we don’t want customers to feel uncomfortable.”

“You can’t set up a tent here. It’s public property but past 9pm you have to go to a shelter. I don’t care if there isn’t clean or running water. I don’t care if there isn’t a proper place to sleep or bathe or even get dressed. You make the public uncomfortable by being out here.”

It’s always to make others feel less uncomfortable, but never to make us feel welcomed or part of society. We are outsiders because the rich praise those who make them more money, and shun those who don’t.

When homeless, some shelters kick you out from 9am-9pm. That’s a full 12 hours of having to go outside. In harsh winters, where do the homeless go? You get shunned or yelled at for sitting in a shop, you go to try and find jobs but in order to get paid you need a home address so they refuse you, a lot of homeless people can’t even work because they’re disabled and couldn’t afford to live anywhere anymore.

If you have a mental illness, people mock you for being weird. They mock you and laugh at you when their loud honking from their expensive cars trigger you into a flashback. They play games to see who can make you drop your groceries first. They laugh when you flinch. But yet they also want to pretend you don’t exist. Have a mental illness? Send them away. Send them to a psych ward that will do more harm than good. And if they’re disabled, a psych ward could k!ll them by not giving proper medications or holding back medications, or mixing medications together.

You go to a doctor for help because you’re suffering so much that you can’t even live properly anymore and no one can give you the care you need that quickly. That your importance and life depends on the schedule and availability of the doctor; who takes weekends off and has a house, family, and kids. Your illness doesn’t take a single day off. You don’t get a break. But you still have to wait years just for a doctor to see you and tell you they can’t do anything. If you even make it that long. Other doctors tell you to apply for MAiD if it’s so bad. They’d rather k!ll you than try and help you because the thing that would help you they won’t get paid a lot for.

I’ve heard (and been told myself) that there’s a treatment for colitis. But the treatment isn’t funded, and only one doctor in the country does it. It works, but doctors don’t get paid to do it, so instead they remove your colon. They’d rather remove a vital organ that could still have potential to work, just so they can get more in their pockets. The treatment is called a stool transplant, and it can be done a few different ways, some not invasive and some invasive. But doctors will keep putting you off, telling you “well you’ve been here 5 times (admitted to hospital for colitis issues), you need actually 6 in order to qualify for stool transplants”. Then the next time “well you’ve been here 6 times, you need 7 in order for a referral” and keep it going for years and years until you finally get booked with a doctor that actually cares about you.

If you aren’t a part of society, people mock you. People shun you. People pretend you don’t exist.

Because you remind them that it could’ve happened to them if they were born like you. Or that they’re the cause of it. Or that they’re so privleged they don’t even realize your existence, and when they do they pretend to help and praise themselves for giving you a dollar meanwhile you’d give anything just for them to let you back into society and treat you like a human and not a wishing well.

“Praise Jesus. Believe in the Lord. Here’s a coin; bless you and hope that Jesus will heal you.”

We don’t need to be healed. We don’t need to be religious in order to get a house or a home or food or have enough money to live. We don’t need you to pray us better. We need you to stop hiding us. Stop shunning us away. Stop treating us like we are a tragedy you can fix by giving us five cents instead of changing aspects of your livelihood to include us.

Most people though would rather despise you and shun you because you make them uncomfortable than to treat you like a person. They use the excuse that they aren’t used to it. That it scares them. It’s a burden to them. They must be lucky they aren’t you, then. So privileged that they tell you how much of a burden you are to them because they could never picture themselves in your situation. That it makes them feel uncomfortable, so they would rather pretend you don’t exist. Rather not talk to you. Rather dump you if you say anything about it, because it’s a shush topic. Society can’t hear them talk about it! They’d never willingly be there for you, unless they actually experience it themselves. Because to them, they can just pretend you don’t exist and their life stays privileged. But to you, now you’ve lost your only source of comfort. Or lost shelter: a home, or lost the only person who would even say hello to you and not scoff at you for sitting in a restaurant.

The privileged make me uncomfortable.

[holykillercake]

HEIM EXCELLENT - CHAPTER 01

Masterlist ..system compromised.. Next chapter>>>

Killer AU x Reader

word count: 3.6k

summary: If you live in this area and are not a gang member, you are an old drunk thrown on the streets, a phantom in society, or dead.

highlight: Is he wearing lipstick? Cool.

notes: Ready? Set. Let´s go~~ I hope you enjoy this story!

𝕃𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤, 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕤, 𝕠𝕣 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤!

Introduction

There is a tightness in my chest. The fear and anxiety that tell me to find someone. The same fear and anxiety that tells me it won´t work.

When it´s late at night, anxiety creeps its way to my head, telling me I´ll be late for work the next day.

So I go to sleep with my brows furrowed, turning my face into a frown.

When it´s time to wake up, I always sleep a little more because the fear of getting tired to work at night climbs its path to my chest.

When I get up, finally, the thoughts in my brain are surrounded by a thick haze, and I can´t decide what to do first. So I sit at the kitchen table, drinking the third cup of coffee, being drowned by the immensity of social media.

You know, they have creative things in there.

You know, they have fun things in there.

You know, they teach you how to manage your time better.

I am still drinking my breakfast coffee at 10 am.

No one kisses me goodbye before going to work. No one is waiting for me at home. Only my cat, but I feed him, and I pet him, and I give him a nice life.

When It´s cold, and I´m smoking by the window, no one is there to keep me company or tell me to quit, maybe join me.

No one is there. Simply not there.

¨It´s 10 pm, Y/N. Don´t start thinking about tomorrow´s breakfast.¨ smoke left your mouth as you mumbled, right brow raising at the sight of an unfamiliar vehicle driving in the parking lot. ¨Hm?¨

From the second floor, you adjusted your posture on the bay window, trying to be more comfortable in order to watch the movement.

A black wagon stopped on an empty spot, and two trouble-looking men hopped off. The taller pulled a pack of cigarettes and took no time shoving it between his lips, lighting with ease despite the strong wind. The other rested against the car, hands deep in his pockets, his back hunched and shoulder propped forward.

A pickup truck parked a few meters behind a couple of seconds later, and two other men left. They sure seemed more distinguishable.

Was it the long and blonde hair slightly tinted in orange by the dim light pole? Or was it, somehow, the piercing glare hidden by the messy bangs?

Ah, I´ve seen this before. Freezing cold to the eyes, weirdly warming to the soul. Where was it?

Some furniture got carried inside, and you judged by the silence on the stairs that they would stay on the first floor.

Well, he would stay.

Four guys came, and three left. You did not miss the bitter stare the redhead shot towards you from the truck.

Is he wearing lipstick?

Cool.

You thought while blowing the smoke in the cold evening air, lazy eyes taking in the scars that painted the man´s face.

His teeth gritted when you broke a smirk, and it took the loud honk of the wagon to make the big-headed Red Queen move. You could not see the other driver, just his hand that pended outside the window and waved slackly to the figure standing in the shadows.

His eyes didn´t meet yours as he turned to enter his new home.

Welcome to Heim Excellent, Goldie.

Part one

The weather is so weird lately. Global warming, right?

A long groan echoed through your cold walled apartment. You dragged your feet to the bay window, one hand pushing the drapes away while the other grabbed the almost empty box of cigarettes.

For the first time in ages, you woke up in time to watch the morning news. Not that you would, though. It never changes, chaos after chaos.

¨Huh, this is what 7 am looks like... not so bright.¨ you spoke as you opened the window, letting the cold wind rush inside.

The parking lot seemed different at 7 am. Since people haven´t left for work yet, almost every parking spot had a car filling it.

Sedans are very popular.

Your eyes squinted with the loud noise of a motorcycle approaching the area of your block. It became louder and louder until it stopped in an empty spot. The blonde and long hair gave away the identity of the rider.

It has been a week or so since he moved in. You haven´t spoken to him yet, just like the majority of the neighbors you didn´t get to meet. To be fair, you haven´t left home in a week or so.

Your work allowed you to be indoors all day and delivery services brought your groceries to your door. You would eventually see him come and go during your cigarette breaks.

The redhead appeared a few times, shooting threatening glares at you every time.

¨Mornin´.¨

The mug almost slipped from your fingers when you heard his voice, firm and clear. The wind brushed his hair away from his eyes, and, suddenly, the words escaped from your tongue.

You searched the perimeter, looking for another person to whom he could be speaking. You hated when you answered someone who was actually on the phone or talking to someone behind you.

¨Hey, you mute?¨ he asked, taking his hands out of the pockets of the jacket ¨With all due respect.¨

Oh, yeah. He is talking to me.

¨No.¨

¨What´s your name?¨

¨What´s your name?¨

A small grin rose on his lips. ¨Killer.¨

Another silent minute passed, and though your narrowed gaze didn´t leave his, no words came out. ¨I´m not kidding, though. That´s my real name.¨

You nodded slowly, deciding to think about the integrity of his words later.

¨Y/N.¨ he put his hands back in his pockets.

¨Hi, Y/N.¨

¨Hum, hi ... do you need something?¨

¨Not really, no.¨ he said casually before quickly checking his beeping phone.

¨Then why... you...?¨ you shrugged.

¨You always stare a lot whenever you see me. Thought you might need something.¨ his voice was soft and, if you squint, playful.

The burning sensation on your cheeks was evident despite the chilly weather. You suddenly became the creepy stalker neighbor.

¨I don´t mind it, actually.¨ Killer continued before you could apologize. ¨Kid does, though.¨

Kid?

¨The red hair who stares back.¨ you nodded again, brows raising at realization ¨That´s his real name too.¨

¨Okay.¨

¨You don´t get out very often, right?¨

Right, left, right, left, you shook your head. ¨Not so much.¨

¨Yeah, I-¨ his phone began to beep once more, and he sighed before turning his attention back to you. ¨I gotta go. Duty calls.¨

¨It´s ok.¨

Killer turned part of his body in a move to leave but swayed in hesitation. With a half-turn, he turned back to face you, and his mouth opened a few times before finally passing a message.

¨Uhm, the guys are coming over to know the place if you feel like leaving that window.¨ he smirked at your widened eyes ¨They´re nice, just a little rough around the edges.¨

Hard to believe. You thought while offering Killer a small smile.

¨Tomorrow night. I hope you like fried chicken and pizza.¨

¨Noted.¨

¨Well, then, off I go. See you around, Y/N.¨

¨See ya.¨

Part two

As you nervously paced back and forth, deciding on whether you should press the doorbell or not, your left hand held tighter the plastic bag filled with beer bottles.

Every time your finger touched the surface of the doorbell, your arm automatically jerked back, refusing to finish the action. A thin layer of sweat started to form on your forehead, and your heartbeat lacked a rhythm.

It was like this every time. Or, to be more specific, every rare time you were invited to someone´s (let alone a stranger) house. You have always been like this. Socially awkward and uninterested in taking part in crowds - as, for ¨crowds¨, you mean more than one person.

You would become incapable of speaking loud and clear, and whenever you had to push yourself to the limit and answer a question directed to you, it would be the first thing that came to your mouth. True or not.

It felt like a dictionary of popular topics lived under your tongue. The type of thing so broad and full of potential that would make everyone agree and start a separate conversation, misleading the focus away from you.

The rest was simple, awkwardly smile as you disappeared on the couch, maybe excusing yourself to a bathroom break and eventually leaving because you forgot to water the cat and feed the plants.

It was not a matter of fear, no. You could perfectly stand for yourself and be bold when needed, it is just... tiring. The small talks about the weather in the bank line, the little complaints about politics and crime stats, and the request for feedback on someone´s life that everyone forgets a second later.

The night grew darker while you decided whether to join the commotion inside or not. Honestly, what were you thinking? Of course, he invited you out of politeness and regretted it afterward. Other than that, you don´t know him or any of them, and it should stay that way.

No bigotry or anything, but men like them, in the depths of the Shadow District, should be avoided. By their demeanors, they definitely were part of some gang or mafia-like thing.

One of the first things you learn when you get here is that if you live in this area and are not a gang member, you are an old drunk thrown on the streets, a phantom in society, or dead.

No one has offered you a position in a gang, hacking companies for bait, or stealing confidential information because they didn't know you existed. If they make you an offer, you accept unless you feel like becoming the third option on the list above. And that is how the cookie crumbles.

It is not like you were aware of all of their behaviors and lines of action. You put zero effort into getting to know more about their precedents. Maybe a name or two got to your ears at some point, but you figured that worrying about that was not necessary.

You could even consider yourself somehow privileged, living in one of the least bad parts of the District (if such a thing existed).

After finishing university and getting a job, you left the quiet and peaceful countryside to live in the big city. Conquering a job that offered you the possibility of remote work took some time, and the payment for a junior ¨IT guy¨ was not so appetizing. Well, at least not to afford a place and expenses in the green subway lines of the Commercial District. For the red and damp District? Not so bad.

You managed to go through the years without trouble. But still, why would you lock yourself in with one of their houses? Why have you stopped to consider all of this now, standing in front of his door? Why have you accepted this so eagerly?

Sighing and feeling the exhaustion of this internal battle, you carefully placed the bag on the floor and pulled an old and crumpled receipt from your wallet.

¨Sorry I couldn´t make it, but welcome to the building.¨

No names, nothing. You shoved the piece of paper inside the bag and pressed the doorbell, running back to your apartment before someone could get the door.

In the comfort of your home, you threw your body on the couch and watched whatever movie was passing until sleep drifted you away.

Saturday rose cloudy and cold, not exactly news at this time of the year. You kept on ministering deep breaths as you walked around the apartment, collecting the essentials for your little trip in the real world.

Every once in a while, the employees working remotely had to show up at the office to discuss important matters. Or simply as proof of life.

You would always go on Saturdays when only your manager was there. It was not like he loved his job, though. You noticed once a mug with a toothbrush, a blanket folded on the small couch, and takeout containers in the trash.

The trips to the Commercial District weren´t so terrible, after all. The streets were brighter with beautiful shops and fun everywhere. As soon as you stepped out of the subway station, the breath you held emptied your lungs. You could even dare to have a cup of coffee (< if there are no lines >).

After silently twisting the doorknob for the third time, you adjusted the beanie on your head and made your way downstairs. Eyes glued to your feet, steps light as feathers, and careful not to trip and fall. You managed to get to the ground without any casualties.

¨Hey.¨ a tall figure leaned on the handrail spoke, followed by the clink of a lighter, the sound of paper burning, and the smell of cigarettes.

You recognized the man from the parking lot. Tanned skin, beard, and wearing a long gothic-like trench coat.

At a slow pace, he stretched his arm to you, holding in his hand a box of cigarettes. He must have seen you from the window before.

You denied with a nod, and he shoved it back into the coat pocket.

¨I better get going.¨ you excused yourself and turned around ¨Have a good day.¨

¨You too. Thanks for the beer the other night. You made me lose ten bucks, though.¨ he said with smoke leaving his lips.

You stopped in your tracks, turning your body just enough to look at him.

¨What do you mean?¨

¨We bet on you.¨

¨And what does that mean?¨

¨Five bucks said you´re crippled and the other five said you would chicken out and not ring the bell. I´m Wire, by the way.¨

A loud inhale of air followed by a slow sigh was all the noise you could make.

¨Y/N.¨ you introduced yourself ¨And that is so messed up.¨

¨Killer didn´t put money on this if it makes you feel better.¨

¨I didn´t what?¨ a third voice came from behind the stairs. Killer walked towards you, carrying a helmet in one hand and tucking a bunch of keys in his pocket with the other.

He seemed a lot taller from ground level.

You continued to speak, ignoring the blonde. ¨First, it doesn´t make any difference. Second, why would you bet on that? And third, is that your real name? You know what, it doesn´t matter, I really should get going.¨

¨Wait!¨ he turned to his friend ¨What did you tell her? Y/N!¨

¨It´s ok, I really don´t mind.¨

¨Yeah, we really got it.¨ he said, emphasizing the ¨really¨.

You stared agape at his attitude, deep down trying not to crack a smile. Regaining your posture and adjusting the cap on your head, you glanced at Killer, who still looked a little lost.

¨A little rough around the edges, you said?¨

¨Sorry about that, we-¨ your phone rang, cutting him off.

It was a random number, but you decided to use that to escape the freak show you got yourself in.

¨I have to take it.¨ you said while simultaneously taking some steps back ¨See you guys around. Hello?¨

You waved to the men and marched away from the parking lot, completely ignoring the person on the line trying to sell you an internet plan.

At some point, you had to lean against a wall to take a deep breath and ask yourself what had just happened. It had been a long time since you interacted this way, and it scared you even more how comfortable you felt talking to a complete stranger.

Your heart still beat like drums ruffling, but the nonsense had left a grin on your face.

.

It amazed you how the entire town was designed. Every time you visited a different district seemed like a trip to a different country.

You walked into the subway station with your head down, keeping wary eyes on your surroundings and trying to avoid eye contact with someone who would use the opportunity to ask for money.

However, as the advertisement banners begin to appear on the tunnel walls and the operator announced which side of the carriage to step out, your iron grip around your bag would loosen up.

The doors opened, letting the fresh air into the train wagons. Vending machines, movie posters, and guide maps brought color to the place. You spotted some coffee shops, clothing stores, and kiosks representing the motto of the district, the commerce.

Suddenly, you felt like the dangerous one in there. The one receiving the wary looks and from whom mothers would pull the kids away.

Maybe you´re looking too much into that, Y/N. Whatever.

Going up the stairs to leave the station, you saw the gentle sunlight blessing the passengers and welcoming the tourists. It is almost bizarre how bright and colorful is the Commercial District. It is even more bizarre how it seems to get brighter every time.

Maybe you just have gotten used to the neon lights, arsons, and your computer screen.

The Commercial District was run by a boy named Luffy, known as Strawhat. He and his crew owned many places in the district, and almost all other business owners paid them a fee for protection. Obviously, this fee ended up increasing the price of real estate, becoming a barrier in your plans to live there.

Every so often they were seen causing havoc, but it was difficult to tell what their goal as a gang was. Some said Luffy wanted to make all Districts into one, ending the social segregation. Others said he just wanted to go against the police because of some past grudge.

Apparently, he had eyes everywhere, even inside the Noble District, where the most ¨honorable¨ citizens lived. In any way, they were doing a great job. Ever since he took over, the life quality, technology and economy flourished.

You worked at GV Enterprise, an information technology startup that has grown significantly throughout the years. Many of the biggest corporations would request the work your company provided, from computer programming to cybersecurity. The latter being your area of expertise.

¨Y/N!¨ your boss screamed, throwing his hands up.

Is he drunk?

¨How are you, kid?¨

¨Uhm, alright.¨ you looked at the beer cans scattered around the trash bin, and your boss kicked them under the desk.

¨Oh, don´t mind that.¨

¨Okay.¨

¨Now, I see you are... alive. Great!¨ he fist-bumped the air and checked a square something on a form ¨And how´s work?¨

¨Like... always.¨

¨Yeah, yeah, cool.¨ the man scribbled something else ¨I heard you´re giving the Secure Coding team a run for their paychecks. Good work, Y/N.¨

¨Thank you, sir.¨

¨Nope, thank you.¨ you shifted your weight, wishing for the meeting to end soon. The smell inside the room was not so nice. ¨Oh, yeah, here. Uhm, your... do you have your... medical checkup all set?¨

¨I did, but with the accident at the Sora Park, they had to reschedule. They said they were gonna call.¨

¨Alrighty. Terrible what happened, right?¨ he said, expressionlessly, while writing on the clipboard.

¨Right.¨

¨Ok! Uhm... everything seems as usual and expected. Before you go,¨ the man opened a drawer and pulled an envelope. ¨your pay stubs from the last semester and the formal invitation for the office annual party. Are you coming this year?¨

¨I´ll take a look at it.¨ you answered, folding the envelope in half and putting it in your bag.

¨Great! You´re free to go then. It was nice seeing you, Y/N.¨

You mumbled a ¨thank you¨ and made your way out of the office where your boss had already reclined his chair.

The weather was pleasant, and the streets were not so crowded, so you stopped by a coffee shop on your way back to the subway station. It was a tea house slash coffee shop called Espresso Café. One of the few places with no connections with gangs, not even protection fees.

Yeah, you may have broken into the old man´s server to search for some suspicious bread crumbs. He no longer had the arm strength to use the espresso machine, but he brewed coffee like no one. Never tried to make small talk and never complained about your cigarettes.

His place was like a breach in the space-time tissue. No one getting in, no one looking at their reflection on the window. If an apocalypse was about to happen, there is where you would hide.

You always made sure to tip generously before leaving.

This is Poplar Street. The next stop is Town of Spring. Stand clear of the closing doors.

Ah, here we are, home. With the chimes and the sound of the heavy doors sliding open. You felt the strong breath of air when the train took off, leaving you behind under the morbid lights and dirty walls.

Apparently, you hid in the coffee shop for longer than you had imagined and planned. A while more, and the sun would begin to set. Things should be okay for now.

¨Hey,¨ you heard in the distance but decided to ignore it. The last thing you wanted was to get into someone´s business.

You kept walking even when you felt a much larger frame on your trail, stopping only when the man took a step further and put himself on your way.

He was tall, with a nasty tattoo across his bald head and muscles that you could see through his shirt. Important details? A gun he didn´t bother to hide on his waist.

Oh, fuck.

[itsonlydana]

summer love ➷ Eret

pairing: EretxReader (i tried to write the reader as gn, but its my first time so if I made some mistakes- I'm sorry!)

summary: summer, pool parties, alcohol, meeting your crush for the first time in rl- yeah, nothing can go wrong.. right? this is a mix between some angst, fluff and summer vibes

tags/warnings : alcohol used as a coping mechanism, they/them pronouns for Eret

words: 5984

a/n: hellou my loves! I can´t believe my last post was Halloween. I hope you are well and take care of yourself <3 This is my first mcyt-content I post on tumblr, wuhu! Maybe I´ll post some more, if you have wishes please tell me :)

important links: rules + masterlist

🌿 reposts and comments are appreciated, they motivate me a lot and keep me writing <3

Parties had never really been your thing. Sure, you've been to the club a few times with friends or were forced to go to birthday parties of school acquaintances, friends of friends - no matter what it was, you were always glad when you could finally fall into bed afterward.

This party wasn´t one of those.

Will had invited you to an evening at the vacation home he had rented with Niki, Phil, Tommy, Tubbo, Eret, Jack, and Fundy after the first day of VidCon that had everyone in great excitement and joy of reunion. You, as the ´new one´ to the DreamSMP and the group, had been especially nervous, most of whom you hadn´t met in person before; one of the reasons Will had forced you to come, even though you had been more than exhausted after the day.

You didn't regret it tho, the group was always been fun to hang out with over the internet, but the hours at VidCon had proven how much nicer it was in real life.

The hours on the convention besides meeting fans and other creators had been spent mostly filming content for your channels, whether it was for Instagram, videos for Tiktok, or vlogs; such an opportunity for this kind of content didn't come around often, and you had made an effort to do something with everyone.

Phil had filmed you and Will with Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo and Jack glued to your sides, screaming loudly for merch or snacks until in the end all six of you had stickers on your arms.

With Niki and Puffy you had done a photoshoot for your merch website, which at one point had been stormed by Quackity, Karl and Sapnap, which in turn had attracted the younger ones, who had forced Will to come along until it had ended in a big group photo.

After a successful afternoon, the only thing you had wanted was to say goodbye but ended up in a cab with Will, Niki, Tommy and Tubbo on the way to the house and not to your hotel room, which was in the other direction.

It was a large house in Seal Beach, a half-hour drive from the convention center and maybe a five-minute walk from the beach. The property was gigantic; the backyard alone had the same area as the house itself.

The first floor of the house consisted of two open parts, except for a separate bathroom and two storage closets. To the left of the hallway was the kitchen with a large kitchen island where you just washed the last remnants of breakfast, behind it on the wall the remaining shelves, another stove and next to it the oblong table with two benches. Across the hall was the living room. From your place at the counter, you could see the sofa nook in one corner of the room, where Niki was sorting pillows, putting the TV controls in the wall cabinets, and, you could see Will, picking up the last of the items lying around to carry up the spiral staircase between the living room and the kitchen. Upstairs there were two hallways, one to the left with the largest bedroom and a bathroom and on the other side were the remaining three bedrooms.

Since your group had agreed to -okay, Will had decided for you- clean up the house, Phil and his wife Kristin had grabbed Jack and Fundy and gone grocery shopping from the convention, the loud honking from the driveway announcing their arrival, as did the loud sounds of Dream's song ´Roadtrip´ which Jack persisted was a part of every car drive.

Ready to help, you left the dried glasses on the counter behind you and walked from the open kitchen into the hallway where Tubbo and Tommy were racing each other to get outside. Just as you were carefully walking across the stones of the driveway to the car, you had preferred to quickly go with socks on, not wanting to unnecessarily put on your shoes, Tommy jubilantly slapped the red hood of the car Phil and Will had rented for their time in California and thus received a light admonishing slap on the back of the head from the older.

"Mate, I've got to give the car back in the same condition I got it, stop banging your hands on it and help," Phil laughed at the blond. Tommy grinned. "I still won."

"Because you passed me on the stairs! I almost fell off!", Tubbo interfered and you could see all Phil's features slip away. "If your parents find out, they'll kill me," you could hear him mutter to Kristin, who reassuringly pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Although Tommy and Tubbo were the human form of chaos on two legs, especially when Ranboo and Jack were thrown in, they hadn't done anything extraordinarily risky- yet they still scared everyone with comments like that.

"How many did you invite? All of Twitch?" you joked at the sight of the overflowing trunk Jack stood in front of, handing everyone bags or baskets.

Fundy shrugged, eyeing the pile like a normal week's shopping. "Oh, Jack paid, so we just took whatever caught our eye."

Immediately Jack's eyes widened and he fumbled for his wallet in his back pocket. "What do I have? Guys- how did you get my card? How much did you spend?"

As he continued to figure out whose idea it was, Fundy grinned at you and raised his eyebrows. "Youtube Money," he breathed, and laughing, you accepted a basket of bottles.

It took a while before everything was cleared out and put away inside, in the meantime, Puffy and Eret's cab had arrived, which you didn't notice in the garden, busy with unpacking and inflating the air mattresses and pool floats that were also bought.

Cross-legged, you sat at the dry edge of the pool, its quiet splash and rushing of the pool filter drawing you into a relaxed state. You didn't hear the balcony door open or the footsteps in the grass behind you.

It was only when a shadow suddenly bent over you and two hands placed themselves on your shoulders that you flinched, startled, and bent forward a little too far, your face coming closer to the pool.

Just in time, the hands held you, accompanied by a deep laugh that sent more goosebumps down your spine.

"Idiot!" you gasped out of breath in shock, your pulse wouldn't calm down, possibly due to the person who was now settling down next to you.

"I'm sorry love, but the way you sat there in your own world was too inviting." Eret apologized and leaned back, resting their hands on the grass. They had tied their long curls in a braid, only single strands framing their face shining in the sun. "How can I make it up to you?"

Shaking your head, you waved it off, the pump still in your hand. "It's okay, it wasn't that bad."

"Well then. If you think of anything you're welcome to tell me," they offered anyway, pressing their knee briefly against yours. Even that slightest touch caused a fire to start under your skin, hot it crept from your knee to your face where it let your cheeks burn.

Quickly you let go of the swim ring in front of you so you could hold your hand in the cold pool water and then place it inconspicuously on top of your other one; right over your racing pulse.

You had been aware since you met Eret that their voice did things to you and that their words made your head spin, but that had only ever been through Discord and mostly in your room, your safe place. There you were alone, able to mute your reactions and take your time to calm down.

That had been one of your biggest fears before this trip, what if you met in person and your screen no longer protected you.

It had been all the more important for you to plan the meeting down to the last detail.

Eret would have texted you when they entered the convention, then you would have sent them your position and could have prepared for it.

Nothing had come as it should.

You had just been shooting a clip for your vlog where you and Foolish were acting out your DreamSMP characters and he had put an arm around you, when all of a sudden they were standing next to you, throwing a playful "What? A reconciliation without your boyfriend?" in the direction of the camera as they and Foolish leaned down for a kiss on your cheeks.

If Niki hadn't been recording the whole thing on your phone, you swear you would have fainted. Their lips on your cheek, their hand around your shoulders, the flowery smell of their perfume, everything had burned itself into your memories like a brandmark.

The surprise must have been written all over your face, because not only the guys but also your friends had started laughing, fans who had overheard the whole thing cheered for an interaction of their streamers and you´d just stood there, completely overwhelmed with everything.

'That's what you get for faking a relationship on a minecraft server- the falling in love for real is preprogrammed...' you thought to yourself, back from the memories to the present were Eret sat next to you, feet dipped in the pool.

"Did you enjoy the day? This must be your first convention as a creator, right?" they asked without taking their eyes off the circles of water caused by the tapping of their toes on the surface. You too watched as the circles started small and gradually grew larger.

"Yeah, before I just attended events like this and admired people like us, it was funny now to see kids coming up to me. Luckily they were all nice, I'll be honest, I wouldn't know how to deal with hate to the face. Nah, they were all wonderful. Especially when they cosplayed, some of them looked more like me than I did!" you shared.

Eret laughed, deep and warm and yet you felt a chill down your spine. "You could hardly tell it was your first time doing this, the way you handled everyone. And I don't think anyone could look as wonderful as you, no matter how great the cosplay was."

The last part made you look up from the water with a jolt, and despite your frantic movement, Eret continued to smile at you.

Their words caused your spinning thoughts to shut down, complete shutdown, zap. Nothing to help you form a more appropriate response other than, "Oh, thank you."

Nothing to stop you from blushing, something Eret definitely saw.

Inside, the stereo was plugged in, 'Roadtrip' echoing through the open doors and windows, Jack starting to sing along, and slowly you regain your composure.

"Are you done here? We could help inside with the final preparations," Eret asked. You agreed with them without hesitation, the last of the swim rings left on the slightly wet poolside.

Gradually the house filled up, the first official guest being Ranboo, who had been driven by his parents and waved to you with an overnight bag slung over his shoulder as Tubbo and Tommy pulled him up to their room on the first floor.

A little before seven Puffy, Foolish and Sam arrived, the boys carrying packs of beer as well as Puffys bag, while Puffy had her hands full with a tray of jelly shots.

You downed two of them with Puffy and Niki in the kitchen minutes later, Eret's smile in your head as the alcohol burned down your throat.

The Dream Team was the last to arrive, Sapnap and Punz headed straight for the kitchen while Dream said hello to everyone with George, Karl and Quackity in tow.

Around eight the pizza was delivered, the poor delivery boy was fortunately relieved of the large boxes by Sapnap, Foolish and Eret who took them outside to the garden where everyone enjoyed the good weather and the pool.

Niki, Puffy, and you had purposely laid down on three towels a little farther away from the pool after Tommy, Jack and Will had started a water gun fight against Fundy, Ranboo and Tubbo which didn´t really stayed inside the pool.

All six of them chased each other around the lawn so loudly, using anyone who suited them as a shield, whether the person wanted to was unimportant. In the end, however, everyone was not averse to a little cooling off, the sun still shining down on California from a clear sky despite the later hour.

"If every day is going to be the same for the next week, I don't ever want this week to end," Puffy asked from beside you, and Niki sighed. "That's right. Can't we stay longer? The weather in Brighton will never come close to this."

"Yes, please. Isn't this that influencer life everyone talks about?" you agreed, resting your head on your like sunscreen-smelling arms. The warm sun shining down on your backs had lulled you into a tired state. If it weren't for the constant fear of being included in the water fight, you would have been guaranteed to relax for a nap, but not under these circumstances.

"At least we're finally together. I'd take this over any Discord night," you add. The look Niki and Puffy gave each other didn't escape you. "Something wrong?"

"Nope." Niki drawled the word innocently. Puffy, in turn, grinned broadly at you. "I didn't doubt for a second that you were enjoying this."

Raising an eyebrow, you looked at the two women. "Oh, why is that?" you pecked, but at the same moment Eret stepped out, two glasses in their hands and a searching look on their face that was exchanged for a smile when they found you.

"You don't even listen, I see my statement thus confirmed," you heard Puffy say softly to Niki. The blush shot up your cheeks and you were glad your arms covered your face. "I don't know what you're talking about.", you mumbled into the crook of your arm, which made the women laugh louder.

Sure you knew what they meant, you had told them both about your crush on Discord months ago. All-day at the convention they had been quietly laughing trying to play matchmaker by sending you both off to get something or had put you next to each other at the DreamSMP meet-and-greet. Little things that drove you crazy.

Although your gaze was fixed on the patterns of your towel, you felt Eret approaching.

"Hi. The boys were mixing some alcohol inside and made a few too many glasses, would you like some?"

Covering your eyes with your hand you sat up, pulling your knees to your chest and smiling up at them. Also smiling, they held out a red, orange drink to you, which you gladly accepted. "Would you like to sit down?"

Grateful for the offer, Eret settled down on the towel at your feet, the towel didn't offer any more space than that, but it wasn't anything that seemed to bother either of you.

Curious, you took a sip of the drink, but grimaced at the bitter taste of blood orange and the strong vodka. "Oh God, someone needs to ban them from making cocktails!"

Eret's eyes also teared up at the tasting. Next to you, Puffy cleared her throat. She and Niki had stood up, their dresses laying on the towels. "At first I was going to complain why you didn't bring us drinks when there were so many," Puffy began, bracing her arms at her sides "Then I saw your reactions to those drinks. Niki and I are going swimming, have fun!" She said the last part winking in your direction. While Eret blushed at the fact that they had only brought you something to drink, the wink caught you.

"Who do I actually have to charge for this bad cocktail?" you redirected the topic once the two were out of earshot.

"Sapnap, who else? Dream, Sam, Foolish and him have definitely brewed worse, but I didn't want to do that to you."

Pressing the straw against the ice cubes, you nodded in understanding. "Why doesn´t it surprise me that they are doing this? Okay, Dream doing this suprises me. I thought he doesn't drink?

Eret smirked. "That doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy pouring alcohol into glasses. He mixes, the others taste, add and pass it out. If you want more, I definitely recommend smelling the glasses... and definitely don't take the really light ones or the really dark ones, there's the most in there- hey, I thought you didn't like yours?"

Guilty, you took the straw out of your mouth. During their talking, you had caught yourself staring again and the only distraction had been the drink.

At least it cooled you down. "I don't want to throw it away." You grin sheepishly into the half-empty glass, ice cubes clinking against the sides, a pleasant breeze brushing your exposed body parts.

Eret slides a little closer, putting their hand on your knee, holding the glass up to you. "Here's to bad drinks and a good evening?"

Loud laughter from the water fight echoed over to you, the light of the late sun made their eyes shine like the blue of the sky, stained with golden flecks, the air around you smelled of sunscreen, vodka and fresh grass, and it was all punctuated by the soft clink of your glasses.

"Here's to bad drinks and a good evening."

In the same second that your glasses clinked together, everything in the world except their hand on your knee becoming unimportant, you sipping from your glass, you could see Will climbing out of the pool behind Eret. A smile that you knew from moments that did not end well for you was on his lips and your eyes open wide in fear.

Loudly he called your name, whereupon Eret also turned around. "Eret," your voice became panicked. Will sauntered closer, dramatically charging the water pistol and firing a warning shot past you.

"Eret, please.", your plea was thankfully answered, as Eret extended an arm to Will. "One step closer and I can't guarantee anything! Step back while you can!" They straightened up, held out their hand to you, and you grasped it gratefully.

Will didn't seem to care about the words, he was now pointing the water gun at you. "You! You haven't been in the pool yet! Eret, get out of my way, I have host duties to attend to."

Eret shook their head with a laugh. "Oh Will, I'm afraid I can't let you do that" They squeezed your hand assuringly. "Don't worry, nothing will happen to you."

The spectacle quickly attracted the attention of your friends, which Will used to his advantage. "Fundy? Jack? You guys want to call a truce for a minute and help me with a problem?" shouted Will without looking away from you, which made you cling to Eret's hand all the more nervously.

Every hair on your body stood out with excitement, every pulse beat echoed in your ears, just like your pleading, "Eret.. Eret, he's not stopping. Eret, what should we do?"

Suddenly Eret turned to you, their eyes glinting in the sun, their curved lips twisted into a confident smile. "There's only one thing we can do- we have to take away his victory in throwing you into the pool. On the count of three we'll run." they laid out the determined plan for you. Eret didn't wait for you to agree; your look had told them everything and your hand in theirs confirmed you were both in.

"One, two, three!"

They didn't even have to have said three, you both had jumped up at two and were off and running.

The grass tickled under your bare feet and between your toes, lukewarm water sprayed from Jack's and Fundy's water guns hitting you everywhere. Will, who had thrown his gun on the grass, barely understanding what you were about to do, tried to reach for you, but just as his fingertips touched your arm, Eret pulled you closer from the other side and Will slid away on the grass.

"Watch out for the poolside!" shouted Phil at you, poking his head out the patio door, and to be on the safe side you slowed down the wetter the area around the pool got.

No one was going to get hurt, after all.

Just before the pool, Eret stopped all at once and looked deep into your eyes. "Do you trust me?", their rough voice went under your skin, in no world you would be able to deny this question. "Okay well, I've always wanted to try this and I can't imagine doing it with anyone else."

And then something happened that you have seen countless times in books, the images that had blossomed in your mind from those words became true in an unbelievable way.

Eret turned their back to the pool in which Tommy, Puffy, and Punz had swum out of the way, and pulled you to them, falling backward.

Pressed against their chest, your arms wrapped around their middle in shock, you landed in the water. It splashed loudly, the pleasantly cool water enveloped you, and dully you could hear the laughter of your friends.

You tried to orient yourself with your legs in the nothingness, all you could see was Eret's brown hair, the blurry blue shirt you grabbed for support after you had let go of them in surprise while diving under.

What seemed an infinite time to you, from the moment Will had approached you to now, when Eret stood in the water and thus pulled you above the surface, had all happened in a few minutes, if not seconds. Gasping for air and blinking rapidly, you leaned your wet forehead against Eret's shoulder, trying to wrest control of your breath back to yourself.

"Are you all right?" asked Eret, and you looked up. Laughing, they brushed hair strands from your face, their hand lingering on your cheek, their thumb stroking your parted lips.

You didn't know what it was exactly, the alcohol, hormones, the adrenaline that clouded your senses and inhibitions, but you jumped over your own shadow and doubts and bridged the few inches between you.

It wasn't a long, intense kiss like you knew from movies, just a brief collision of your lips, it still robbed you of everything that was left of your breath.

The cheering of Punz and Tommy saying "That must taste really disgusting because of the chlorine" transported you harshly back to reality.

A reality in which you kissed Eret, Eret, in front of all your friends.

A reality in which they didn´t react to the kiss, but only looked at you with wide blue eyes.

Now that you had laid your cards open on the table, you felt naked under the many stares, even if most had turned away again, Erets you would never forget.

Ashamed, you disengaged from them, another embarrassment as your legs were wrapped around their waist. Still nothing came from them.

As you got out of the pool you wrapped the next best towel around your body, but it didn't help with the feeling of having exposed yourself to everyone and tears gathered in your eyes. Without looking back one last time, you fled into the house, ignoring the guys in the kitchen and grabbing one of the light drinks with which you barricaded yourself in the second-floor bathroom.

Despite the weather, you couldn't find any warmth in the room, instead, unpleasant goosebumps rolled over you. Your clothes stuck coldly to your body, the now wet towel and also the burning feeling of the chlorine in your eyes didn´t let you forget what had just happened.

You lifted the glass with both hands, trying to numb the feeling of their lips on yours with vodka, however, resulting in a hot throat and more tears that you couldn't blink back.

Chewing your lip, you slapped your hand over your mouth, tears rolling inexorably down your cheeks.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" The words were no louder than a whisper, in the middle of them you stopped to catch your breath; the tears constricted your throat.

The knocking on the door, from which you stumbled backwards, seemed all the louder. As much as you wanted to shout that it was occupied, that whoever the person was should go somewhere else, nothing came out.

Slowly, the door handle pushed down.

"It's me, Puffy. I'm coming in now."

She immediately took you in her arms, listened to your sobs, ran her hands through your hair, and handed you a glass of water again and again.

After a while, Niki joined you as well, fresh clothes of hers under her arm.

The two women helped you out of the clothes, hanging them on one of the clotheslines while you put on the short black pants and one of Niki's gray sweaters.

Neither of them spoke about what had happened, leaving you to decide if you wanted to talk.

You just looked at the toilet seat folded shut, your eyes unfocused on the white tiles. Niki was squatting between your legs, had your hands in hers, and was stroking the back of your hands soothingly. Puffy stood beside you, busy blow-drying your hair.

"Can either of you get me my cell phone? I need to call a cab." you asked in a raspy voice and Puffy turned off the blow dryer, combing through your now dry hair one last time. "You can spend the night here. We can both fit in my bed," Niki suggested.

That neither of them wanted to let you drive a cab alone for an hour in that state was clear.

The alcohol had brought down all your walls, the caring of the two women made tears well up in your eyes again, which Niki immediately wiped away with her thumb. "Why did I do this? I can never be close to them again. I've ruined everything." You sobbed, followed by a vodka-tasting hiccup.

Ever since Niki and Puffy had taken on the task of helping you, you had been desperately thinking about what you could do.

From apologizing, to lying, to ignoring what happened, everything had been there, but nothing made you particularly happy. You could never apologize, lying would be too much of a strain on your emotions - the only logical thing in your eyes was to run away.

You would never survive the next two days of VidCon. To be with them in that building among thousands of attentive fans who wanted to take group photos was unimaginable.

It would probably be best to get on the plane home as soon as possible. You could ignore them, block them in an emergency so you wouldn't double-cross yourself and text them after all. Maybe you'd take a break from social media, try to get over your crush, but you were still playing a couple on the DreamSMP and that was ultimately what triggered this whole crappy situation.

A cool glass of water was thrust into your hands and you looked up from the tiles at Puffy and Niki. "What would you guys do if you were me?" Exasperation underlay your tone.

"You should talk to them. Running away might sound like an easy solution at first, but it won't do you any good in the future." Puffy's suggestion made you scrunch up your face, you had expected that, but you didn't want to hear it.

Niki nodded in agreement. "It would be for the best. I think they would understand you, they´re the last person who would judge someone for something like that. You can't help the way you feel, they know that. Don't you think you'd feel better if you confided in them? Then you can get some closure."

Your sniffling became quieter, you knew they were right. Nevertheless, the thought made you afraid to face Eret.

For half a year now you knew each other and there were hardly any days when you didn't have contact. Sometimes it was simple text messages, a photo of things you noticed and wanted to share with the other, but most of the time you sat in Discord, in private calls where you talked for hours, tinkered with lore for the DreamSMP or just used the presence of the other to work on your own stuff.

And you had destroyed that in a second, guided by feelings for your best friend.

Would you ever be able to be alone with them again without thinking about today?

Would you ever sit laughing in Discord again until the reason you were laughing was long forgotten, but their laughter continued to carry you away?

You made a decision- you weren't going to throw away your friendship, not if you could help it.

Taking a deep breath, you stood up. Nervousness slowly crept up your spine, making itself comfortable in the back of your neck.

On the short walk to the door, you started making up sentences, throwing words together, and yet nothing meaningful came out.

None of it mattered.

Because your brain stopped when you opened the bathroom door, Puffy and Niki right behind you, and Eret standing in front of you, hand raised to the handle and with a similar thoughtful look as you.

The world stopped for a moment.

Not really, that wouldn't be possible, but it felt like it.

Frozen in place, you stopped in the doorway, unable to let go of the handle for fear of losing your balance. Puffy and Niki bent down under your arm, ducking past you at the side, and you almost yelled at them to stay there.

Instead, you stayed still as Eret slowly blurred through the tears in your eyes. Even against that you couldn't do anything, you could just stand still and hope your circling thoughts would stop taking your breath away.

Eret took the first step, into the empty hallway, where they sat down in front of the closed door of their room. With a nod of their head, they gestured for you to follow them, and burying your hands in Niki's sweater, fingers pressed into the heels of your hands, you sat down in front of Will's room on the other side.

You hated that the hallway wasn't even six feet wide and yet the distance between you felt enormous.. Not even 48 hours ago, continents had separated you and it had felt closer than this.

"I'm sorry," you cleared your throat without looking up from the hem of their shirt. When they didn't answer, and the silence smothered you, the words tumbled out of you, "I'm sorry I kissed you. I- I don't know what had gotten into me, okay, maybe I did, but I should never have done it. I forced myself on you, embarrassed you in front of everyone. I certainly didn't mean to, I don't know what I meant to. I'm so sorry, Eret. I'm acting like a child and not an adult."

"You're kidding, right?"

The harsh words made the blood run cold in your veins. You could see them pushing their shoulders back, tensing their thighs.

Before they could speak further the door to the room at the end of the hall opened and Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo came out. Ignoring you and with all the time in the world, they walked past you, bent over Tommy's cell phone with interest.

Time didn't seem to pass, and your panic at what Eret had said increased. They were angry with you after all, you couldn't interpret the tone in which they spoke any other way.

In your mind, you said goodbye to the life you had led in the last half year.

Eret, however, surprised you by sliding into the middle of the hallway as soon as the younger ones disappeared down the stairs. They put their hands flat on your thighs, asking you to look at them. You refused, by now you had started crying again and you didn't want to embarrass yourself any more.

"Can you please look at me? Please, stop crying, I can't take it! Hey, it's all good, please. I'm not mad at you.", they talked to you softly, leaning closer until their forehead touched yours. This gentle contact confused you, continued to throw your thoughts out of whack. "You're not mad?" you whispered. You had to concentrate on the soft music from downstairs, Eret's regular breaths, the warmth of their hands on your legs, their forehead against yours, or you would have lost the battle against the growing panic.

It was ironic, Eret had taught you this method of calming down after you had finished your first lore stream and a particularly aggressive and threatening message had appeared on your twitter timeline.

And they helped you now, too, despite what had happened.

"I'm not mad, maybe because you're dragging yourself down. It's all my fault, I should have reacted directly, then none of this would have happened and your pretty face wouldn't be full of tears. Please, look me in the eyes, do I look angry?" they asked and indeed their look was filled with concern, not anger, their blue eyes widened when they saw your reddened cheeks, the wet traces of tears. "Oh, my love. I guess I did some major damage there by not returning your kiss, didn't I? May I make it up to you?"

Confused, you nodded, nothing really making sense until they tilted their head and kissed you. "I'm sorry." they whispered against your slightly parted lips. "When you kissed me in the pool I wanted nothing more than to kiss you back and finally tell you how much I like you. I couldn't quite manage that, it was suddenly too much all at once and then you were gone. I would have run after you right away, but Foolish and Niki stopped me, asked me to give you time. I'm sorry if I destroyed anything, it was never my intention."

As Eret poured out the words over you, they moved closer and closer until you were sitting between their open legs. "I thought I ruined our friendship with my crush," you whispered, the tension falling from you like a stone. A laugh escaped you, "Oh fuck, we're both blind."

Eret had to laugh as well. "We are. You know, Niki showed me the video from today at noon, the video where we first saw each other. That's when I got all the teasing from Foolish. He told me many times that we should finally open our eyes, only I never wanted to believe him."

Instead of answering them, you kissed them again. This time Eret kissed you right back, pushing you further back until your back was pressed flat against the door. Their hands moved from your thighs to your face, embracing it, their fingers stroking your cheeks.

It was everything you could ever imagine and more. You had never felt so comfortable, their lips were soft, the kiss at once gentle yet demanding, their touch made flames lick across your body.

After half a year of longing to be in their arms, to see them laugh, to feel them under your fingertips, your fantasies came true and exceeded.

You didn't even notice that Foolish, Niki and Puffy came creeping up the stairs half an hour later and found you sitting snuggled close together in the doorway, heads together, whispering softly and seeking each other's kisses.

You had a lot to tell each other, a lot to catch up on.

[loversandantiheroes]

Hotel Hobbies - Prelude

Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x Reader Author’s Note: I have nothing to say for myself other than the most shameful of yee-honks.  This was largely just an attempt to break through some writer’s block, but also a little bit of a fuck you to Whiskey’s godawful characterization (get thee hence, canon, thou art dead to me).  In either case I 110% blame @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa for dragging me into the Pedro pit and for making the “yeehonk loser” tag funny enough for me to go see what the fuss was about.  Either way, this is unbeta’d and barely edited and is probably just a big goddamn mess.  Which fits, quite frankly. Apologies in advance if it sucks. Summary:  He’s an insufferable, obnoxious blowhard.  Which would be fine if he wasn’t also - some-fucking-how - hotter than a fucking wildfire. Warnings: Drinking, flirting, swearing, Whiskey being the obnoxious prick that we know and mostly tolerate. Rating: Mature (for the moment) Word Count: 1510

You’d met him, of all places, in the hotel bar, shored up over a drawn-out business conference.  He’d turned up three nights running, a brash braggart in a stetson and too-tight jeans that seemed to stroll dick-first around the room, tossing pickup lines at anything that moved.  By sheer luck he’d missed you, leaving the first night with a leggy blonde and the second night with a considerably curvier brunette.

Both times you counted your blessings as you watched him walk out with his arm around the unlucky lady.  You didn’t know the man but you knew the type: the costume cowboys that laid on the charm as thick as their cologne to mask the smell of their shitty personalities.

But now on Sunday, night number three, your luck seems to have finally run out.  Just as you finish your drink the bartender sets down another – whiskey, neat – and gestures at the end of the bar.  “From the gentleman.”

You hardly need to look up to know what you’ll see.  Smug, half-cocked grin.  A gentle tip of the hat.  

Fuck.  Jesus, why.

You grimace out a polite smile out of sheer habit, and before you can even begin to slide the drink back towards the bartender the man has appeared at your elbow like a country-fried jack-in-the-box.

His cologne, at the very least, is not as heavy as you’d expected.  Small mercies.

“Thanks, but-” you begin, already bracing yourself against the bar to stand.

“Oh no need for thanks.”  He rolls right over you with all the practiced ease of a well-oiled steamroller.  His voice is low, with a thick, heavy drawl that feels just a bit too put-upon to be completely real.  “You’ll have to forgive me for being so forward, but I simply couldn’t stand to see a lady as lovely as yourself drinking alone three nights in a row.  Thought I might offer the benefit of some company.”

He extends a broad brown hand.  A tiny blurred bullseye marks the skin between the thumb and forefinger.  “Name’s Jack.  Most folks just call me Whiskey.”

“Whiskey,” you repeat, trying not to roll your eyes at the rather awful joke.

“Yes ma’am.”

You purse your lips, considering, as his hand hangs between you.  You know more than a few ways to cut this little introduction short, though several of them – while wholly effective – might just see you banned from the hotel bar.  And with easily another three days of bureaucratic bullshit on the horizon, you’re really not keen on that happening. Present company aside, the bar’s pretty nice.

 Maybe if you're lucky you can bore him to death.

Begrudgingly you take his hand.  The skin of his palms is thick with calluses.  A surprising thing.  His clothing is more designer than LL Bean, which made you think he was a business man or entertainer – the sort of rich asshole that owned a prized stallion at a private stable somewhere that he rode once or twice a month when he wanted to feel a little authentic.  

But those callouses are hard and smooth.  Not quite a workman's hands, but certainly the result of something a good deal more tactile and involved than pencil pushing.  And that’s enough to make you wonder a little.  Now that he's up close and personal, his face makes you wonder a lot. This is no Kentucky white boy.  Not with eyes that dark, or that curving nose.  And honestly, if it wasn’t for that insufferably cocky look on his face, he’d be a hell of a looker.

“I didn’t catch your name,” he says, thumb grazing your knuckles before releasing your hand.

"No, you didn't," you say lightly.  "And I'm afraid I don't have much of a taste for whiskey."

He grins, leaning heavily against the bar and motioning for the bartender. "Well now, if my namesake isn't up to your liking, what would be to your taste?"  He hooks the tumbler of whiskey towards himself with a finger – a rather thick finger, and that's one detail you're a little dismayed to find yourself lingering on – and takes a slow sip.

You tap your glass with three fingers as the bartender approaches.  "Tequila."

The man who calls himself Whiskey gives an appreciative whistle as three shots line up in front of you. "Well now ain't that a plot twist.  You must have a hell of a constitution.  Tequila always leaves me flat on my back."  He eyes you up and down, grinning, and the hot flush that brings on isn't half as uncomfortable as you'd like it to be.  "Reckon I can see a similarity or two."

"I just get the feeling I'm going to need something a little stronger than a Cosmo to get me through this conversation," you reply coolly, ignoring the innuendo.  "You have until I finish these shots, by the way."

Whiskey purses his lips, pouting.  "I see you've already jumped to a few conclusions about me.  Hardly seems fair."

You shrug, downing the first shot with little fanfare.  "You've hardly been subtle.  What happened to Friday and Saturday's girls?"

He takes a sip of his own drink, thumb rubbing thoughtfully against the side of his jaw.  You try not to watch the way his throat works when he swallows.  "Now if I didn't know any better, I'd almost think you were a little sore it took me so long to come and see you."

He positively croons that last, and you tell yourself the warmth you feel kicking up in your belly is just the tequila.  Thank God for plausible deniability.

"Don't flatter yourself, cowboy," you say with a glare.

He chuckles. "Darlin', had I known you'd had eyes on me this whole time I would've come over a hell of a lot sooner," he teases.

You can only shake your head, half in wonder and half in contempt.  "How did you even fit that much ego through the door?"

Whiskey tips his glass to you with a smirk, unfazed.  "Patience, dedication, and a whole lotta practice."

You reach for the second shot, and Whiskey lets out a little sigh.  He puts his hand over your wrist, fingers flat.

"Hey c'mon now.  Slow down, sugar.  As much as I like to tease, I ain't about to put sensibilities or your liver out of sorts for the sake of poking fun."

When he pulls his hand back, reaching for his own glass, it's everything you can do to mask the little shiver that ripples up your back.  He is quite warm.

"I figured you for the sort that'd prefer a girl to be out of her sensibilities," you say quietly, fingers tapping against the rim of your glass.  The skin on the back of your wrist hums where he touched you, and you do your damnedest to ignore it.

The corner of his mouth hitches up in a half-grin.  "Oh, afterward, surely.  But never before."

You roll your eyes.  "An asshole with a sense of propriety.  Now that's novel."

"Part of my charm," he says.  “Bastard by profession and gentleman by nature.  But I mean it.  You are well within every right to walk away.  Ain't gonna harm nothin' but my ego, and Lord knows there’s enough of that to go around.“

You roll the shot glass between your palms.  "And if I walk away?"

Whiskey shrugs.  “Well, then I get to cherish the view as you leave."

"God, shut up."

His grin widens and he leans in, teasing.  "A bittersweet thought to keep me warm, alone in that big empty hotel bed tonight."

The glass almost rolls straight out of your hands.  "I am not fucking you," you sputter, and your cheeks burn as you realize you practically pole vaulted directly to that conclusion with barely any preamble.

The silence hangs after that, heavy and charged.  Somehow you think Whiskey's eyes have gone even darker.  

“I said nothin’ of the sort,” Whiskey says delicately, hands raised in supplication.

There's a cold-burning fire in the pit of your stomach.Some of it's the alcohol.  But most of it is a shameful delight at the way he's looking at you, and the mounting surety that you are probably certainly definitely going to fuck him if you don't walk away and call it a night now. You're not sure whether you hate him more for the assumption, or for almost certainly being right.

He says nothing, just looks you over expectantly.  Waiting to see what you’ll do.

Slowly, you down your second shot.  Fuck it.  If this asshole is going to be your next mistake, you might as well make it on your own goddamned terms.

"So," you say, resting your elbows on the bar.  “Whiskey.  What is it that you do?"

He laughs, full-throated, and the corners of his eyes crinkle up in what you suspect might be a genuine smile.  It's lovely, and that might just be the most infuriating thing of all.  

"Oh darlin'.  You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Can’t Fight This Feeling

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6   🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I can't fight this feeling any longer And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever I said there is no reason for my fear

And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you I've been running 'round in circles in my mind And it always seems that I'm following you, girl 'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

click here to be on the update list 

NIALL

                                           I took a nap and when I finally woke up, my eyes fluttered open and I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. The things I told Devon kept playing in my head. It was so intense I was pretty sure I had actually dreamed about it. The expression on her face when I said I'd keep on having sex with Mandy was one of the most hurtful things I had ever seen and I regretted it, especially because I was not even sure I wanted to keep this friends with benefits thing with Mandy anyway. It was getting harder and harder to sleep with her because no matter what I did, I always ended up thinking about Devon, and it made me wonder if maybe I should just use my hand for a few days instead. I had no idea how I'd tell Mandy but I'd definitely find a way, or just avoid her.

I turned my head to the left but frowned when I noticed Devon was not in her bed anymore. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes before getting up and walking to her bed. I bent down slightly, placing my fingers on her pillow for a few seconds before sighing. I knew exactly where she was, but I was not sure she wanted to see me there. I held my breath, wondering If I should really follow my feelings and after a while, I pushed the idea away and grabbed my keys, my wallet and my phone. I ended up ordering some food on a small restaurant near campus and when I got out, I ate while walking back to my car.

I let my thoughts wander for a while and finally grabbed my phone again, sending a text message and starting my car again. After 10 minutes, I parked and grabbed my phone again. Lewis had just answered a thumb up and I sighed before getting out of my car and walking inside his building. The elevator was not empty but the whole ride, I stared at the spot where I was sitting the night before, with Devon straddling me. I let out a low groan when I remember our kisses and the way my hand had slipped under her shirt, but was brought back to reality when the doors opened again.

I knew I shouldn't remember every little detail so vividly because of how intoxicated I was, but It was all clear in my mind, from the way she whimpered to how she felt when she was grinding on me. I wanted to remember it, especially if I was going to use my hand for a while.

The door opened and I chuckled when my eyes met Lewis'. "You looked so fucked." I laughed as he flipped me off and let me in.

"Why did you ask me if the way was clear?" he just asked, ignoring my comment.

"I'm not in the mood to have a chat with Mandy." I just admitted, pushing my hands deep in my pockets and raising my nose up slightly. "I need a break."

I heard Lewis laughed and turned to look at him, raising my eyebrows. "You plan on having sex with Devon instead?"

"No."

"Did you two do dirty things in my bed last night?" he wondered quickly.

"What? No!"

"I wouldn't mind!" he  laughed again, walking to the kitchen as I followed him. "Beer?"

"No thanks." I shook my head. "Look, I'm here to ask you if you're looking for a roommate."

Lewis turned around, a water bottle in hands, and quickly threw it at me. I took my hands off my pockets just in time to catch it and he smiled more, taking a sip from his and leaning against the counter.

"Why are you really 'ere, Horan?"

"I just told you."

Lewis sighed and pushed himself away from the counter before moving closer and staring at me.

"You really want her to move with me, or you actually crossed your fingers earlier wishing I'd say no?" I didn't answer and he shook his head. "Anyone who's got two eyes have noticed how you two look at each other you know. I'm not really sure why you haven't shagged her yet. Or asked her on a date."

I couldn't tell him that there was no way I was falling in love again. I couldn't tell him I knew that I could love this girl so much it would literally destroy me when she'd break my heart. I couldn't tell him that a love that lasts doesn't exist and that for that reason, I didn't feel the need to try it again. What would it give me to admit all that shit to him anyway?

I opened my water bottle and took a sip from it before shrugging. "Because I'm not interested."

"You can say that all you want and try to convince yourself, but you ain't convincing me." Lewis laughed, shaking his head again. "I do need a roommate. Tell her she can move whenever she's ready."

I choked on my water and moved my body forward, bending down slightly as I started coughing and tried to find my breath back.

"R-Really?" my voice was so low I cleared my throat, trying to show indifference.

"Yea, really." Lewis repeated, letting a smirk curl his lips. "Unless you want to admit right now that you'd rather have her stay in your room with you."

"Where is she going to sleep?"

"Do you have a problem with us sharing a room?" This time, I couldn't stop my head from snapping up at his words, making him laugh again. "Relax! I'm joking! I can move my stuff from the room next to mine, there's barely anything in it anyway, and I don't use it. Of course, it's smaller than my room, but there's ll be enough room for both of you when you come visit her."

"Funny."

"You know you're a twat, right?" he asked, amused. "You're in love with her and I swear mate, if you don't make a move, you'll regret it."

"Love is fake." I pointed out casually, shrugging a shoulder, before adding something quickly so he wouldn't argue. "Okay so I'll tell her it's alright. How much will it cost her?"

"Tell her to call me, we'll sort it out."

I sat in my car, my hands gripping the wheels tight and my eyes shut tight. I was not sure of what exactly I had done, or if it was a good idea. All I knew was that my whole body was throbbing because I was just realizing that Devon was going to move out of our room and probably never come back. I wouldn't have a reason to see her, or more, I wouldn't have an excuse to see her. I wouldn't hear her snore or watch her sleep anymore. I wouldn't be able to glance at her when she was studying, or listen to her singing in the shower.

I hit the wheel a few times, accidentally pressing the honk once, and let out a few curse words. Why did I even tell her I'd talk to Lewis? And why did I actually do it? I shut my eyes tight, trying to get rid of the knot in my stomach and breathing in and out deeply in hope it would get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.

I drove back and parked but instead to get back in the room, I walked to the art department and found her painting alone in a room. She was surrounded by other people's works but she was focusing on what she was doing, moving her brush a bit roughly on the canvas, and I stared at her. I felt guilty for doing that, as if I was spying on her while she was literally throwing her feelings out but I couldn't stop myself.

My heart twisted when she pushed her hair away from her face with the back of her hand before blowing up to push a lock away from her eyes. It reminded me that it would fall on her cheek every time she was sleeping and I leaned against the door frame. I don't know how long I stayed but from time to time, she would move slightly, allowing me to see part of her art being created and it made something stir inside me. She was so secretive, I wish she'd show me more parts of herself but at the same time, I was well aware of all the feelings it could make me feel and I didn't want that.

Suddenly, she threw her brush away and my eyes got bigger as I got out of my thoughts. It hit the wall in a light noise and fell on the floor, coloring it with dark blue, almost indigo color. She let herself fall on the stool a bit further and put her hands in her face, letting out a short sob. In a last moment of rage, she threw her foot in front of her, hitting the easel and making her painting fall on the floor. I saw her get up and I knew exactly what she was about to do. Without thinking, I started running to her as my heart jumped up in my chest.

"Devie no!"

Just in time, I grabbed her waist from behind, pulling her up and taking a few steps back. She started struggling but I held her tighter against me and after a few seconds, she stopped and I put her down as she let out an other sob.

"Hey, hey!" I whispered, grabbing her shoulder to turn her around. "Are you okay?"

"I-I just... It was crap!"

"Devie, hey, look at me." I cupped her face, holding it in place as I bent down, making sure our eyes were at the same level. "You may think that now but if you destroy it, you'll regret it, I swear you will."

Her eyes fluttered and she swallowed hard before her lips parted slightly.

"You know I'm right." I added in a whisper.

It took a while but she finally nodded and I did the same, breathing out a low "Okay" before letting her go. She closed her eyes and I walked past her, putting the easel back up and grabbing her painting.

"I don't know why you hate it." I admitted, raising my eyebrows as my gaze roamed on her painting.

After about a minute, she turned around and walked to me, standing right next to me and tilting her head as she looked with difficulty at her art.

"What do you see?" she finally asked, not sending me a glance.

"A light, in the top right corner." I let out after licking my lips. "And how that light can't reach the rest of the painting. Something is blocking it from shining... this. This darkness."

I pointed the darkest part of her painting and she sighed loud, pressing her lips together. I turned my head slightly to study her and she just closed her eyes and shook her head.

"This is so bad." she pointed out, mostly talking to herself, as she turned around to leave.

I grabbed her wrist quickly but gently to stop her and when she turned around, her eyes met mine again. I could feel her soft skin brushing in the palm on my hand and it reminded me of what had happened in the elevator. Why the fuck couldn't I get rid of all these images? Of all these damn feelings?

"If you won't let me throw away this horrible piece of painting, can you at least let me go take a shower?"

The thought of her in the shower flashed in my head and I blinked a few times, letting go of her wrist. My arm fell on my side and when she turned around again to leave, I took a step closer.

"Wait, Devie."

She stopped but kept her back facing me. I could see drops of paint in her hair, on her jaw, and down her neck, and all I could think about was leaving a kiss on every fucking spot. This girl was fucking me up so bad. I got even closer and sighed, making her turn around as she placed her hair behind her ear.

"What?"

We were so close I could kiss her. I could kiss her again and feel everything I had felt the night before. I could kiss her and go write an other song. I could kiss her and remember why it gets me so addicted.

"I talked to Lewis." I finally said with a sigh, pushing my hands in my pockets again. "He said you can move in with him whenever you're ready."

Her facial expression changed into a sad one and her lips parted, making me want to kiss her even more. If I kissed her, maybe she wouldn't leave... maybe if I asked her to stay, she actually would.

"Oh. alright." she nodded slowly. "Can you send me his number?"

I nodded and licked my lips, looking down at my feet before looking up in her eyes. "Are you sure you want to leave?" I asked, knowing I should just let her go. "I mean, it’s your room too. Where are you going to sleep you don't even have a mattress.. or a job. How will you pay him?"

"I have a few saved and, I had a job interview a few days ago." she admitted with a shrug. "It's probably better I leave."

I let my eyes travel on her face, knowing it would probably be easier for me if she was far, but still feeling like shit. It was a constant fight between my heart and my head and it was tiring. The days we were not both sleeping in our room, I still thought about her. I imagined her with Louis or a very few times, I thought of her on top of me. Most of the time, though, I would play in my head the few interactions we had had together, wondering if I should have said more, or less. Now that I thought about that, it made me realize that perhaps, not having her in the room was not going to tone down all the things she made me feel.

"Do you mean that? Because it's your room, too." I repeated in a soft voice. "You can stay."

I was surprised by how resigned she seemed but she finally nodded and sent me a sad smile. "Yea, I'm sure. I think it'll be good. I need a change. Perhaps this is just what I need."

Something inside me seemed to break at the thought that I was what was wrong in her life and that being away from me was the change she needed. I sent her a small smile and grabbed my phone in my pocket, sending her quickly Lewis' number. She blinked a few times when she received it and took her phone, quickly typing something on it.

"Thanks, Niall."

It only took a few seconds for Lewis to answer and when I saw her jaw drop, I frowned a bit.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, seems like you're going to be stuck with me again, I'm sorry." she sighed before looking up and raising her eyebrows. "This is too expensive for me."

I felt torn inside, not really sure if I should feel relieved or annoyed, and when our eyes met again, I could see how disappointed she was. She wanted out, she made it clear. Who was I to beg her to stay, or be glad she was not leaving? And what for exactly? To push her away again whenever I'd have the chance? Because I knew I would, it was the whole plan, and hurting her was something that seemed to hurt me, too.

"Not too sad?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, ready to decipher her expression instead to listen to her words.

"Honestly? Yea, I am. I don't have many friends here and Lewis seems cool. Plus you and I, in the same room... let's just say it's intense."

I couldn't disagree with her and my lips curled on the left. "Yea, quite a bit I'd say." I admitted with a chuckle. "But hey, I'm sure we can make this work."

She shook her head slightly and chuckled nervously. "I'm not so sure about that."

We remained silent for a while until she raised her eyebrows and smiled more. "Okay, I really need a shower. I'll see you in our room."

I took one of my hands from my pockets to wave slightly at her and watched her leave until she was out of sight. I stayed alone, in the painting room, standing up motionless for a while before turning around and going back to her painting. I glanced at the brush near the wall and decided to go get it and clean the floor before sitting in front of her art. It was so self-centered of me to think that, but I ended up wondering if maybe, I was what stopped the light from shining down on her. Maybe I was the darkness in her painting when I desperately wanted to be the light. But how could I be the light when I was myself invaded with darkness and bad thoughts? How could I help her let the light shine when I was still bitter and closed off? Because I knew I was, I just thought it was how I was supposed to be to make sure I wouldn't feel for someone and get hurt. Could I have been wrong? I shook my head and sighed before rolling my eyes. Of course, I was not wrong, but it was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

I couldn't stop thinking about her words, and about how sad she seemed to be stuck with me in this fucking room. I couldn't blame her. I made her life a living hell since she got here, and on purpose too.

"Fuck it." I whispered to myself, grabbing my phone again and dialing Lewis' number. "Hey, mate, we need to talk."

---

Requests

[m1k3y-m1k3]

gonna ramble abt the funtimes//sister location rq

funtime freddy;

f. fred was weird to say the least

he /was/ rlly nice at day and when he wasn’t trying to kill me

really liked hugs - think huggy wuggy lvl shit

could not spell ‘bon-bon’ for the life of him

literally spelled it ‘bawn-bawn’ because that’s how he says it

honestly? was probably gay for f. foxy /hj

( regarding that they were always together when they could be )

he/they were what they preferred

bon bon;

rlly wanted to be on his own

dude /always/ got thrown

^ had to be fixed 90% of the time lmao

HATED the babs with a PASSION

was actually nice to me - mainly cuz he didn’t want to get thrown anymore

often argued w/ f. fred

he/it/they i think?? idk i usually used he/him 4 them but ik the other technicians used it/it’s sometimes

funtime foxy;

didn’t talk. like at all? it was rlly odd - becuz they did talk to kids, just not to me? or any other technicians for that matter

opened and closed the curtains a lot (in their cove)

often crashed into walls ( had no depth perception )

very clingy

what’s the gender neutral version of a himbo? that’s what they were.

if they’re weren’t in their cove they were w/f. fred. no exceptions

they/them. would allow smaller children to use binary pronouns but i don’t think they liked it much

now we get into the two where my mems r. weird

welcome to my dysfunctional family, starting w/my mother

ballora;

( i’ll probably make another post about her as my mom but these r her as ballora )

i think she could open her eyes? she just. didn’t most of the time

taught the kids ballet when she wasn’t on the job

adored rlly upbeat pop music

could tell the difference between 4bu$3d/n3gl3ct3d kids rlly easily - and she told me specifically

was a rlly good listener in the sense that i vented to her

was the mom of sister location and she knew it

could tell the difference between technicians just by their footsteps

called me ‘mr benedict’ it was rlly sweet

she/her 100%

baby;

i don’t have many mems w/baby specifically; i tried to avoid her

i do have a lot with scrap baby but that’s besides the point

her movements were really stiff while on stage - very robotic; unlike everyone else

was the unofficial leader of sister location

she didn’t do well with big groups of kids or one kid in a room w/her, unless it was an audience

repeated herself a lot ( ex: ‘you won’t- you won’t die..’ )

kids always tried to grab more ice cream from inside of her, it was so annoying to fix

her nose honked

she/her? maybe she/they? not sure

lolbit;

lolbit was okay

it was this weird ass computer program - i think it was a glitch

i didn’t see it much, my laptops were protected

i do know that it occasionally controlled old animatronics and would beg me to fix them

it was… actually really nice

big prankster, often showed up when i was doing something

talked really glitchily, but it sounded rlly cool :]

any pronouns but preferred it/it’s

yenndo;

once again, didn’t see him much

it was an endo that was controlled by a computer program; similar to lolbit

couldn’t talk

blended into the walls and doors all the time, like i would bonk into him

couldn’t get broken and couldn’t get fixed

didn’t make any expressions but you knew when it was angry or judging you

he/it, ik that for sure

bonnet;

oh my god she was so annoying

bon-bon had a crush on it

i didn’t see them around? like at all? i think she lived in the vents

i could pick it up and squeeze them like a plushie

would show up when i was in parts and services working on bon bon i think she liked him too

didn’t talk to me but she sounded like a freakin’ valley girl

would help us reach low down places

she/it/they

i doubt ‘ll do ennard; i don’t remember him pre-that night

[an1xcy]

Basket Brothers

mmm george and quackity being brothers hgnhgngghgnhg  @jackstanifold this was mostly for you because brothers

George had never done this before. Their father was going out, presumably to check on a few things that were none of George´s business. Not that he cared in all honesty. The only problem was that George had made plans to hang out with Dream and Sapnap, but now his father had left his nine-year-old and five-year-old home alone. George wasn't going to just leave his brother here by himself though, who knew what trouble Quackity could get himself into. George spared a glance at his little brother, taking a nap in his overly fuzzy duck form on the beanbag chair in the corner of the room. Knowing Quackity he´d be too tired to play seeing as he´d been screaming all night for God knows why. George hummed thoughtfully, making his way into the kitchen to see what he could use to carry his brother without bothering him. His eyes landed on a woven basket that his father used to pack lunches sometimes. George carefully stretched onto the tips of his toes, edging the basket off the too-tall counter towards him, catching it before it fell and ultimately caused disaster. With the basket in grip, he made his way into Quackity´s room, taking  a small pillow and padding the floor of the basket and choosing out one of the softer blankets to cover the top. Quackity hated the scratchy blankets. ¨Hey Q?¨ George carefully approached his sleeping brother who opened one bleary eye to look at George. ¨I´m going out to play with Dream and Sapnap, but I'm not leaving you here alone. Are you okay with sleeping in here?¨ He gestured at the basket. ¨I padded it and everything.¨ Quackity let out a quiet but compliant honk, hopping into the basket and settling down in the center of the carefully placed cushion. A smile played at the corner of George´s lips as he covered Quackity with the soft checkered blanket. ¨Sleep well, idiot.¨ George arrived in the meadow a bit later than usual, having to carry Quackity without waking him was more difficult than he thought it´d be. Dream and Sapnap were already chasing each other around, stumbling over rocks and tulip stems. Dream was the first to notice George, the porcelain mask that was honestly way too big for him hanging off the side of his head. They grinned, barrelling towards George in a blur of blonde and dark yellow, (Dream and Sapnap said it was green but George didn´t know if he believed them). ¨George!¨ Dream skidded to a stop in front of George, eyeing the basket in his hands. ¨Did you bring food? You never bring food.¨ ¨Food?¨ Sapnap peeked out from over Dream´s shoulder, staring at the basket, his eyes wide. ¨It's not food you idiots. Just leave it alone.¨ George rolled his eyes, carefully (maybe too carefully) placing the basket on the luscious grass. Making his way over to the clearing filled with flowers of every color, even the ones George couldn't see, which was most of them. ¨Hey George?¨ Sapnap called from over where he and Dream were peeking into the basket George had told them to leave alone. ¨Why do you have a duck in your basket? A sleeping duck?¨ George grumbled under his breath before running back over and shoving them away from the basket. ¨That's my brother. I couldn't just leave him home alone and he was too tired to play, so he's just sleeping in the basket. That's his duck form, he's around your age Sapnap.¨ He explained, albeit reluctantly. ¨Can we move on now?¨ ¨Sure, but you have to introduce us when he's awake.¨ Dream nodded at George before running off. ¨If he had George´s sleeping schedule we´ll never meet him!¨ Sapnap giggled, following Dream before George could tackle him.

[arthurflecksgirl]

Last day at HaHas/ Arthurs POV

The pocket mirror is reflecting my face. Did it change in the slightest? Is it stil the same face it always was without the make up? Or is there somethig different to it now? Is there a glimpse that shows off the changes on the inside? Can they tell? Does anyone know anything? Or is it still the face of the invisible man? Still just one face in the crowd. And not even that anymore when standing alone. Faceless. A faceless existence of an invisible man.  Maybe thats why I love wearing make up. To make me face visible to others. And show them what they want to see. A smile.

I`m not smiling, my face is resting in a state of being in deep thoughts. I always am. In deep thoughts I mean. Deep  is an understatement really. They are making their way into the very core. My thoughts are the very core of my so called existence. Is it even called existence? Because no one ever told me that, No one ever came up to me saying "hey Arthur, I`m glad that you exist!" No one ever told me "Fuck. I just hate that you exist." eighter. So if no one loves and no one hates you, you are just..... a thought inside of your own head. You don`t exist outside yourself.

The mirror may show my face but it doesnt proof anything. So I am not even looking. My eyes are focused on the inside of my locker and what will go into the trash or into my brown paper bag next.  First the mirror. The last thing its surface wittnessed was my face being unable to even look into it. I`m too afaraid of what I might see. Or what I dont see anymore. I`m not sure which fear is worse.

An empty make up pallette, a sponge, a set of cards, my hopes and dreams.

My ex workmates discuss over the news. If that man that killed the three guys on the subway was eighter wearing full make up or a mask. What difference doesn it make? Make up is just another version of a mask.

I`m alone. Standing in the coner of the changing room, and I know. I have all the answers to their questions and for a second I just wish they would know that this guy they talk about is right among them. That mysterious guy that is "Good for bussiness because they got clowns on the front of every newspaper ." Glad I could help with your fucking business, even now after I got fired. Maybe that was the best I`ve ever done for this place. That thing I didnt even intented to do. But I did and now you can all go on and discuss every single detail without knowing anything because you are being as blind and ignorant and stupid as usual.

But guess what? My eyes just started to open now. If I can defend myself by shooting these assholes on the subway, yo can`t bully me here at HaHas anymore. Especially not on my last day. Now that I empty this locker.

My locker. Yeah I can`t deny I am a little bit emotional over that. But not because of this building or this room or anyone here. Okay there is Gary. He`s a kind soul but ..... This room.....nothing but bad memories of me sitting in the corner, not being talked to, me sitting on that bank, staring outside the window until I lose all sense of time, waiting for a beam of sunlight coming through, me doing my make up day after day after day and they keep chattering but they don`t say anything. Nothing that has meaning. And I´m painting on that smile, trying to find something meaningful, something real. A moment of truth. But you can`t find it here and I couldnt find it within myself.

Not until I did that.

Killing those guys. It was a moment of truth.

The very first moment in my entire life I choose to act. For myself. I choose to be more than the guy thats being kicked around . More than the invisible man. The none existend. You can`t get killed by someone who doesnt exist? Right? So maybe there is one way to proof after all.

"Hey Arthur. I`ve heard what happened. Sorry, mate!"

Gary. Yeah he`s the only one who never joined bullying me. Maybe because he knows how it feels when others are making fun of you. I feel sorry for him that he has to work in such a shitty place with such shitty people. He deserves better. But even though he says he cares there is no real goodbye. No hug or anything. Which makes me a bit sad. I would have prefered to hug him and tell him to take care. Its just sad.  A smirk is crossing my face.

"Yeah, doesnt seem fair" Randall says while he is doing his make up. The tone in his voice is disgusting. You can tell that he is glad that I`m gone. This was what he intented all the time. I try to stay calm as the anger is staring to grow. I`m throwing the rest of the stuff over my shoulders, I dont even care about if I would need this anytime soon. Who knows if I ever find a job as a clown again? As bad as these guys are. I loved being a party clown. I loved this job. the emotions I feel while getting all my stuff out of this locker are about the kids I visited at hospitals and birthdays. Thats what I will miss. I dont know what to do now. Without this job, there is no one left to make them smile. Its not just a job I lost here. Its so much more.

One of the guys is asking me if I really brought a gun to a childrens hospital. And why I did it. I take the horn honk, my paper bag and go my way.

Yeah I did. I brought that gun because I was carrying it everywhere. because you are not save in this fucking town. Not even on your way home to take care of your sick mother dressed as a party clown.

"Is that part of your new act Arthur? If your dancing doesnt do the trick you`re just gonna shoot yourself?" The stipper asks.

Maybe. Maybe this will be the final act after all. Shooting myself in front of an audience is something I should consider. At least it would make them watch.

You can`t look away if a clown just shot himself right in front of your eyes. You gotta look and it will hurt a little, seeing his smile still lingering on his lifeless lips. Remember it. Remember him as someone who wanted to make you smile but you wouldnt have let him, so he decited that this would be his final smile to the world.

I turn around "Why dont you ask Randall about it? It was his gun!" Randall looks at me with a mixture of shock and anger on his face. "What?"  

Can`t handle the truth, huh? Gotta deal with it MY BOY!

"I still owe you for that  dont I?" I point at him and he doesnt like it.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he takes two steps towards me. But I turn around and leave. Not cool to play the innocent one, Randall. Not cool. We both know what you did. Just go and tell them.

"Stop talking out o your ass, Art" he adds.

I  squeeze the honking horn before I throw it over my shoulder. I can feel Randall coming closer. Watching me as I walk away. Suddenly it feels good to leave this place. I hated being lonely among people in this room every morning. I hated hearing their voices and laughs and all the smalltalk they did without even looking at me for once. I hated Randall and the way he was picking on Gary. I hated this fucking stripper for being such an arrogant prick. I hated Hoyt for reminding me of my teacher back in scool.

Maybe I will just continue being a clown without all of this shit. Maybe I`ll become a better version of a clown now that I am free of you. There is this money problem now but I will figure it out. Maybe I´ll find a new job as a bartender or I´ll just go my way and rob the pharmacy.

Now that I realize how much I hated it here I have to blow off some steam.

I gasp "Oh no!"  a step back and another "I forgot to punsh out!"

One last look into their faces before I punch the clock with my fist until it falls off the wall. It feels good to see it lying there on the ground. I`m thinking about how time seemed to stand still around here. Because every day in this locker room was the same. This is my big fuck you to everyone looking at me right now. Why is it that now you can look at me as I go?

I laugh as I turn around.

The radio is playing a song that mentions my clown name. This kind of coincidence doesnt exist. Carnival is leaving the building but he is stilll here. A melodie stuck in their heads now Haunting them. The radio knows. Music always knows. Music knows your secrets. Who else knows about me? The invisible man is rising, becoming visible.

".....and turns to sorrow....king of all hear me call, hear my name is Carnival....."

I go down the stairs with an edding pen in my right hand. The bright yellow "Don`t forget to smile" sign reminds me of the day I got beaten up by those kids. This is not a place for real smiles. This is a place for fake smiles being painted on every morning. Painted onto sad, angry and worn out faces.

I cross out the words "Forget to" so now it says "Dont smile". Much better. Much more realistic for HaHas.  Now you can look at this  everytime you leave. Just like I had to look at the original version every day.

"I dance down the rest of the stairs. My name is Carnival keeps playing. keeps telling me that people finally know who I am. I kick the door open and there is light.

@impulsiveclown @will-you-be-there @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @ajokeformur-ray@damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss  @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella   @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl @raven-romanoff @ivedescoveredheathsjoker

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos @sabrinaeileensnape @

[emilydocument]

Having a car in New York is a sin and you’re punished for it every day. 6AM the alarm goes off and I’m up and out into the cold to resentfully drive my car around the block looking for available parking on the side without street cleaning. All the other cursed car-owners are up too, in my rear view. We honk at each other, roll our eyes, throw up our hands. The smart people got up at 5AM.

Regardless, I got two parking tickets this week. And a fine for not wearing my seatbelt while parking. I’m drained of money. The devil laughs. I have to laugh.

I try and use my car for the only thing it’s good for: escaping the city on the weekend. I’ve wanted to go to Montauk for some time, inspired by a hazy memory of visiting in high school with an old and long-gone friend, and something special and singular about the rocky end to New York. In my mind, the air is salty, the water a rich navy. LL Bean catalogue vibe.

To get to Montauk you have to pass through Long Island’s sprawl of big box stores and then at some point you cross into the start of the Hamptons, stretches of pastel farm land with the occasional random giant modern art sculpture. The construction is suddenly clean and small and tasteful. I pay for gas (another car punishment) at “Hamptons gas”, a tiny gas station made of wood clapboard where everything is wiped down. Grotesque.

Being in the Hamptons also feels like (is?) a sin. Everything is so manicured, communicating a disgust with dirt, namely the dirt of the city and lower classes. It’s utopia, constructed to look nice from every angle. Here, no visible consequences of exploitation: decay, pain, struggle etc. I am stopped at a red light where on the sidewalk, a man is screaming at his tween son for doing something. The son is not behaving like a man, goofs off too much, never listens, apparently, and he is looking up to the sky with the wide, tolerating eyes of a child being disciplined. He looks around, anywhere but at his flailing father. The costs reveal themselves in private moments.

Eventually, Montauk unfolds from behind roads that snake through woods. You arrive at the top of a hill, and immediately see the ocean in the distance. It’s bluer than I remembered. It is an isolated place, somewhere you have to work to get to, so it selects for small crowds and quiet. The parking is free since I arrived so late (the trip took 2 hours, and I burned through every playlist). It’s 5PM and car sickness mounts.

I brought my camera. Immediately, I want to photograph everything and swallow this memory, wrap myself around it. I spin around capturing the panorama: lighthouse, ocean, rocks, sage green and soft sea grass, the seagulls with their black webbed feet, dipping into the water. I like the families everywhere. We all have our cameras out, all hungry to capture.

There is a specialness about the water there. It feels like the edge of the world, the kind of water you see in a different country where the Atlantic expands. Everything is darker than a regular beach because of the grey rocky shoreline. I walk along it until I reach a secluded piece of driftwood. It’s long and white, clean too, as if carved. I sit there for a while. I hadn’t dressed for the wind and hold my arms around myself.

I stay for the sunset, and the clouds turn pink against the dimming sky. Sometimes, when you are experiencing something profound you want to be witnessed. If someone was here, you could share a memory with them, and the fleeting thing suddenly starts to spread itself out and grow important, durable, a permanent part of something being built up. Instead, I have a camera. I set it on the driftwood and start to film, and then walk out towards the ocean. I turn and wave. When I check the video later, I am out of focus, a yellow blur in the distance. The camera chose to focus on the blades of grass instead, on their gentle dance in the wind.

I realize I haven’t eaten at all, and stop for dinner at a drive-in (which now means someone begrudgingly brings your baggie of food to your car window). I eat a mushy Cesar salad wrap and those seasoned waffle fries you get at the state fair. I always regret the things I buy.

On days like this, I let the loneliness reign. I’m trying to let myself feel more, and also open myself up to things that could bring floods of pain with them. A small act is this road trip, extended time alone.

One long term practice is going on dates again. A few days in, I can feel myself growing dizzy and sick at the feelings dating unearths. I am sensitive to heartbreak, which some people pathologize as “anxious attachment”. I know that I don’t want to feel so split open all the time, that I want to feel “secure” and not bogged down by desire. I am trying not to repress the difficulty of the process, but to let it arrive as a hideous monster and then grow weaker and weaker, less and less real with every appearance.

There are beautiful, interesting people everywhere, especially in this city. I am grateful to get to sit with others, our chins in our hands. We are sharing what we know, at least for now. How nice, a conversation under strung up lights, the backyard of a bar. We talk of international childhoods, the day job, weird and seedy parts of the internet. How sweet, a walk between midnight row houses, arm in arm, heading towards a basement, the music you choose to play someone new.

It’s the periods after and between, when you are washed ashore to the reality and monotony of regular life, when you find yourself all alone again, where the real effort happens. You think about the dates, about new crushes and glowing memories. Chores, another night with your book, a penciled in chat with old friends, a tired day of work. It’s here that I must find a better way of existing, “being”, finding projects that make thoughts expansive and not exclusive, that make me a part of life instead of an observer. I want to be surprised more, flow more, to feel awake, to be able to survive the feeling of the desired just outside of your reach. To get better, all I can come up with is to keep trying the next thing that is nagging you, to return to things that you’re pretty sure you love, or that you are afraid to investigate. Keep nothing hidden away: you are the opposite of the Hamptons.

You’re lonely? You want more and better? You used to be bad? Okay. Drag it out into the daylight and train your eyes directly on the truth. Sob, scream, throw up, whatever you have to do. Let this be a place to start from. Try again. Trip, fall, uncover again and again. And maybe sell your car.

[sabine-leo]

Paradise Found - Part 1

Author: @sabine-leo

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston / Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut, Romance, Humour (who knows what I´ll add along the way)

Rating: M 

Part: 1/?

Note: Here we are...I said I wanted to write something summer romancy with Tom and some of you jumped right into my cruise-boat ;) Thank you for inspiring the title @klbates22 and to everyone who commented and liked the idea! Feel free to jump into my asks or chat if you have an idea or need me to put in something specific in further Parts! I´ll try my best to make it work! 

Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated and LOVED! Now kick back, relax and hopefully enjoy Part 1 of your summer romance with Tom! 

xox Sabine 

---------------------------------------

They say, happiness comes in waves.

You took that quite literally and decided to leave everything that had weighed you down behind for a few weeks. Work, an ex-boyfriend that had cheated on you with his ex, the hectic life in general.

No, you were not sticking your head in the sand…just your toes! You needed to clear your head, breath the sea-air, feel the warm wind on your skin, the sand under your feet and let your mind relax in a hammock under the palm trees.

So, here you were. Standing at the shoreline, looking at the vast, blue green ocean that touched your feet with every new wave that tried to reach dry sand. 

Closing your eyes with a smile, you took in the first rays of sunshine that the new dawn gifted you after your long journey. It had cost you quite a little fortune to get here, but it already had been worth it. The instance you dropped your bags, got rid of your shoes and ran down the few steps from your private cabin into the warm sand you felt a weight lift of your shoulders. An easing breath left your lungs. The next wave drenched your jeans. With a laugh you walked a few steps into the water and kicked the ensuing wave, splashing seawater onto yourself. Damn, that felt good.

Half soaked you walked out of the water a few minutes later and took in the view.

You had asked for a cabin on the far end of the little island. As private and small as this resort was, there wouldn´t have been any direct neighbours anyway, but you wanted the seclusion, the feeling of being alone. You could only make out one other path leading to a cabin before the natural shape of the island took a turn and secluded those two lodges. The very friendly driver, who had driven you and your luggage in a golf cart to your home for the next weeks, told you that there were only 3 other guests on the island. 2 of them pretty close to the central building that hosted a restaurant and a bar. You and one other person on the far end seeking seclusion and serenity. 

Walking back to your cabin, you took it in for real now. The wooden home looked like out of an island dream. Dark wood, light, flowy- white curtains that swayed in the sea breathe through the wide-open double door windows. A solid roof but covered with palm-leaves gave it the typical beach flair. Inside, in an open space was a little kitchen, a lounge area and a table with 4 chairs. Secluded but with a phenomenal view of the beach was the bedroom with a double bed facing the ocean. Behind another door was a bathroom with a tub also facing the ocean. It really was heaven on earth.

 After unpacking and changing out of your wet clothes you went outside again. In front of your cabin was a colourful hammock waiting for you. The palm trees offered a shadowy place to get a little nap in after traveling for a whole day and some hours to get to paradise. It did not take long for you to drift of. The soft sway, the warmth and the sea air adding to your tiredness, knocked you out quickly.

The first day was over pretty quickly. After sleeping peacefully in that hammock, getting some food into your hungry stomach and ordering the things you would need to cook for yourself the next days you saw that the sun was slowly setting again. Taking a stroll along the beach seemed like a good idea since you were well and rested now.

 You did not bother to put on shoes, you just went directly to the shoreline in your short pants, the Bikini-top and the light blouse open on top to spare you the agony of a sunburn on the first day. The wet sand and the warm water felt so good on your feet that you walked for a good while before you sat down in the dry sand to watch the sunset. It really was a beautiful sight. The sky began to change from purest blue to the most extraordinary yellow, orange and red segue you had ever seen. Totally mesmerised you watched the sun kiss the ocean as someone walked into your view on the shoreline. He lifted a hand in greeting and stepped out of direct view again.

 “Sorry, didn´t want to interrupt your sight!” He said with a deep and smooth voice and added before you could answer “Have a nice evening!” and continued on his way.

A bit louder you said to his tall, walking form.

“No worries, this won´t be my last sunset in paradise. You too!”  He half turned with his next steps and you saw him nod and wave again. You lifted your hand too and smiled a little before turning your head back to the spectacle before you. When the last bit of the sun went into her ocean-bed you stood up and started to walk again, collecting driftwood on the way. On your way back to your cabin you had to walk past the one before yours. Since you were walking along the shoreline you would not disrupt the privacy of its occupant.

 “Beautiful view…” That deep voice again. Your head snapped up. Leaning on a palm tree you could make out the shadow of the tall man. “Oh, sorry! Who´s interrupting the view now…” You chuckled and pointed to the shadow of the hammock before your cabin “…Just wanted to get back....”

The soft breeze carried an easy-going, deep chuckle to your ears.

“Now that would ruin my beautiful view…”

It took you a moment before you got the gist of the words and laughed quietly. A smile lit up your face, but he would not be able to see it, would he?

“Well…” you started walking again “…then I am sorry to ruin it…” You put your windswept hair back behind your ear. “…maybe you do have more luck come tomorrow!”

Now a deep laugh resonated from his tall form. “I shall look for a shooting star and wish on it!”

 That voice sounded very British and very ear pleasing. You grinned as you kept walking back to your cabin. “Good night!” He said louder and pushed himself off the tree with a foot.

“Good night!” You answered half turning but continuing your way. The shadow of the man told you he was tall and lean, his hand ruffled through his hair as he watched you for a second before you turned around.

 The next day started late due to jet-lag but nobody was complaining that you were sleeping in, the bed next to you empty. For a second you thought about how nice it would be to enjoy the view from this bed with someone by your side. But then again, you never had a problem with being alone and you were certainly not missing your ex. That chapter of your life got closed some months ago. You stretched your limbs and got up. After donning a sporty bikini, you stepped out started to grin and walked onto the beach. The moment your feet hit the toasty warm sand you took off in a run with a laugh.

 Some hundred meters away a head snapped up in another hammock and a laugh escaped in a deep male tone as he saw you running into the water, jumping over waves and somewhat elegantly but definitely joyfully taking a header into the ocean. Yes, he thought, unquestionably a beautiful view. His breath caught as he saw you come out of the water some minutes later, disappearing into your own hammock. Now he needed some cooling-down…

 There was nothing better than salty water on your skin, drying off while swaying in a warm summer breeze. In a hammock. Under a palm tree. Watching the ocean. That was until you saw your “neighbour” walking towards the water. A low sitting navy blue shorts the only cover his undoubtedly hot body wore. Even from afar you could see the defined muscles on his back. Changing your position a little to unashamedly watch him getting nearer and nearer to the water you laughed as he too jolted into a run and elegantly took a header. You pushed your sunglasses up on your nose and let one foot dangle out of the hammock to give it another push as he emerged from the water again and walked to shore. His hand pushing back his wet hair.

 “Oh, blimey this is just cruel!” You gasped out as you saw his wet torso in full display and instantly felt a pang of guilt for ogling him like that. “Talk about a beautiful view...” You murmured and laughingly shook your head, closed your eyes and dropped the straw-hat onto your face with a groan.

 The soft sway of the hammock calmed you down again… as did the sound of the ocean.

You smiled softly and took a deep, deep breath.

“Hammock for two…how convenient…” You heard a deep voice say as your hat got lifted off your face and some drops of water hit your warm skin. Before you could say something, before you could even grasp what was happening a wet body balanced itself into the hammock. Blue eyes looked deep into yours and the weight of his lean body made you tilt sideways, flush against him. A smirk toyed with his lips as his tongue came out to wet them. “Hi, thought I´d come over to properly introduce myself…”

“Oh…” was all you got out before he grabbed your waist, tugged you on top of him and introduced his lips to yours in a hot, sizzling hot kiss. His big hands stroked simultaneously up and down your back. He grabbed the back of your head and your butt and squeezed while his tongue darted out to seek shelter with yours. “Hi!” He grinned near your lips afterwards and put a strand of hair behind your ear before he began a new kiss that let your skin tingle as if electricity pulsed through your veins.

A honk from an arriving golf cart yanked you up straight. Whirling your arms around like a damn bird wanting to take flight you almost toppled out of the hammock.

“Your delivery Miss!”

Looking around a little dazed you just nodded and tried to get a grip on your surroundings again. You were still laying in the hammock in front of your cabin…but alone.

Dang! You must have been fallen asleep right after that handsome man walked out of the water, initiating a wet dream instantly.

Rolling your eyes at yourself you got out of the hammock as the delivery man came out of your cabin again and said his goodbyes. Going inside yourself to put everything away you grunted with a breathless laugh. “Honk if you´re horny!”

 Tags: TAGLIST OPEN 

@drakesfiance @archy3001 @itscalledfandomsweetielookitup @faeriedelalune-blog @lil-mewlingquim07 @theoneanna @anchored-in-high-tide  @amazinggraces-world  @tanishahka @coniumalces  @emomemelordess @devilbat @usedtobegoodfriend96 @cest-le-temps-de-lamour @adefectivedetective @karnita-mexicana  @marvelc00kie35 @klbates22 @confessionsofastrugglingteen @inlovewithfreyamikaelson @marikochi @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @awkwardfangirl2014 @rainbowsinthestorm  @mylovelycrazyworld  @nonsensicalobsessions @imscaredofsharksandocean

[pbandjesse]

I had a bit of a panic about work this afternoon. Alexi emailed us that they were almost ready to open back up and needed a bunch of paperwork and I was like. Okay chill. Except it wasnt chill!! There were forms and they needed like. So much information. And paperwork from others?? And transcripts?? From my highschool?? Excuse me?? So I sent some panicked emails. 

But I think most of it will be fine? Mom sent me scans of my diplomas. I just had to pull out my masters degree. Which is ugly as sin and does not look like a diploma but what are you gonna do.  And I have a phone meeting with Alexi tomorrow to try to sort everything else out. 

But man it was stressful. I feel a little overwhelmed. I like being home, but it has been hard to be like chill, because I feel so much guilt. But also I know I needed the break. But also now I might be going back to work but I dont know when? So that makes me stressed. But it seems like thats just the way things are at this camp, we gotta just be ready and try our best? 

The rest of the day was alright. I slept better last night. But I still felt kind of bad and off when I woke up. I took a dayquil and that helped shake off the feelings. James was getting home from his ride as I was getting dressed. He made us breakfast and we hung out for a little while. But soon we were off. 

We went out to the county to go to a thrift store that wasnt savers. We went to a goodwill and a 2nd Ave. We had alright luck. We were specifically looking for shoes for him. And while we didnt find sneakers he did find some really nice restaurant shoes and some hiking type shoes. So he did good. I got a fleece that turned out to be super ugly on me and will now just be used for fabric. And I got a sports bra and some awesome snow pants. They arent like actually snow pants but they are like that wind breaker material on the outside and fuzzy on the inside. They are great and I like them a lot. 

But being out was a little weird. James did a little better not projecting uncomfortability, but I knew he wasnt happy with all the people. So I didnt have as nice or as calm of a time when he was near, and I had to tell him to stop following me and to go look for his own things when we were at the first store. Also the toy aisle there was a nightmare because a sound toy was going off but wouldnt turn off?? Very scary. 

The 2nd ave was a little more busy. And was farther in the county and had more people not wearing masks properly. Like this one guy had the skinniest mask that was just covering his nose?? Like what? And no one was really giving people space. Like I get having to go past someone but being 4 deep in a tight aisle isnt it. I may go back out there because they had so much stuff, but being there when it was busy wasnt super fun. 

I am a little sad because there was an LL bean jacket I would have liked to try on but James was ready and I was feeling weird. So I will just be a little sad. 

I signed up for their rewards program. And we headed out. We decided to get burger king for lunch and there was a long line. And James messed up and drove past the screen and then he didnt get something I wanted and I was just not happy with him. And he was upset because someone honked at him. But I think I was just tired and hungry and a little upset because of the emotions I was getting from James being uncomfortable out in the world. It was just a lot all at once. 

But we are mature and a good couple and we talked about it when we got home. We had lunch and put things away. I went through the camping stuff to try to pack it a little better, a little tighter. I also pushed it all into the living room. So now the studio feels a lot more open. Maybe next week Ill reorganize the space. Well see. 

James left for work and I decided to watch a documentary that was so sad. Its on youtube, its called My Brother Jordan and I highly recommend it. But prepare to cry. 

I went to get up after that and I fell?? And I cut my elbow on the zipper of one of the duffle bags!! And I was upset and mad at myself. I went and played animal crossing and moved things around. And then I got the email from Alexi and had my panic about the forms. 

But I spent about an hour filling them out best I could. But its a lot. I am hoping that its actually not as big a deal and it will all just be easy peasy but trying to get things from other people makes me so anxious. 

Once I was done with those though I felt a little better. I made ramen. And I have been hanging out with sweetP and texting with Jess for a while. I am going to go wash my face and try to start winding down for sleep. 

James has off tomorrow and we are going to get some stuff from his parents and then probably pack the car?? Im not sure about that. James told me we could check into our campsite on friday at 1 but I checked the website and its actually 3pm. So Im not sure exactly what the plan is. I kind of hope we still leave around noon and we can like. Enjoy some of the nature before we set up the camp site. But I dont exactly know the rules. So I guess well see what happens. 

I hope you all have a good night tonight. Be safe and take care of eachother.  

[sulfurousdreamscapes]

There's a boy in the centre of the intersection, he's wearing a white dress with floral trim, and he's dancing with grace that'd make a ballet teacher proud. You can only see him through your car's windshield. If you look out of the side window, there's nothing and no one there, just the baking asphalt and cars waiting for their signal.

"Are you seeing this?" I ask Pauline. She's lighting up a cigarette, elbow out of the side window, and she squints at the boy in the dress.

"Yeah, I thought you should know," she begins, and then coughs from the smoke. I do too, but I don't tell her to stop smoking. She's my new roommate. I have to learn to get along.

She resumes after we're both done coughing and waving the smoke away. "Right, so that boy you're seeing. He isn't real." She shakes her head for emphasis.

I have several questions, but I decide to wait the answers out.

"Someone at the intersection is thinking of him, so he's getting..." She expands her hands like showing off something big and imaginary. "Broacasted to everyone else at the intersection. It's a thing that happens at this particular intersection in the city."

"It just happens at this particular intersection," I repeat, and glance at the signal, which was still red.

"Yeah. Fuck if I know why. They say it's a ghostly thing, you know how it is? No, you don't, I guess. You've been in this city for what, four days?"

"So if I'm thinking of something, it can get..." I repeat the motion she'd made. "Broadcasted to everyone?"

"Yeah, if you think of something vivid enough for the intersection spirit to pick up, then it will get..." She does the hand expanding motion again. "Broadcasted."

After taking a drag off her cigarette, she resumes. "But—there's a but, yeah—you have to keep in mind that the chosen broadcast is random. So maybe what you're thinking might show up to everyone, or maybe it'll be something someone else is thinking of. It's up to the whim of the intersection spirit."

When I look back at the intersection, there is a pile of junk: metal gears, sheets, wheels, balls, slabs, all kinds of metal things. Many of them are rusted. There seems to be no way through the intersection, but through that mess, I can make out a little rat, also made of metal. It chugs between the heaps of metal junk, shooting off tiny puffs of smoke as it skates from one heap to another.

"That's adorable," I smile at Pauline. "Did you come up with that?"

She smiles back at me. "That's a mystery. Look, don't ask, okay? Nobody asks. It's just an unspoken rule at this intersection. If the spirit wanted us to know, it would have told us."

"That sounds fair," I say, turning to look at an elaborate pyramid made out of dozens upon dozens of stepladders.

"Wow, I like this one," I say, before Pauline nudges me from the side.

"Get a move on, buddy. The guy behind us has been honking for half a minute now."

Thank you for reading!

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[sadienita]

Faith

Hansol x reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: mention of alcohol, car accident, death

Introduction

Prequel 04

That had to be the third time you had seen that boy. He always wore all black, he always had his head down and his earphones in. And he always seemed to disappear so quickly. You would see him out of the corner or your eye but when you turned your head to catch a glimpse of him he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was just the scary movies this month but it was creeping you out a little. People don't just disappear and reappear, that's not normal.

It was probably just the movies.

Then again even your friends were starting to realize something was going on. They had asked you few times of you were okay.

“You seem really out of it these days.”

Mostly you were trying to shake off the building feeling if dread in your gut. Each time you saw the boy you felt a little bit worse, a little more scared and uncertain. Maybe he was some sort of sign? Or maybe you were just going crazy. Life was busy, maybe you were just a little too stressed out. You just needed to relax a bit.

You could keep telling yourself that at least.

Whatever the reason the feelings didn't seem to leave you. They continued to build until Halloween rolled around. You didn't have any plans initially but a few friends were getting together so you decided to go and join in the fun. You had a drink or two, played some board games, and spent a fun night laughing with your friends, easily losing track of time. It was nearing midnight when you realized you should head home and get some rest. You bid your friends goodbye and headed out into the night. The night was mild but there was a cold wind that chilled you to the bone and made you pull your jacket as tightly as you could around yourself. You made your way through town, some of the intersections still very busy for this time of night.

You turned down a relatively quiet street and started to fiddle with your music, running through your playlists trying to find a different song. You looked up as you started to cross the street and you stopped dead. The boy was there, across the street, his brown eyes illuminated by a street lamp. He looked at you with a sad expression and then turned his attention down the road. You heard a honk and whipped your head around to see a car barreling towards you. You stumbled back to the curb, just avoiding being hit by the car, a hand on your chest trying to steady your racing heart. After a few moments you looked up to see that the boy was yet again, nowhere to be seen.

It took a few more minutes before you calmed down, got up and checked the time. It was just past midnight and you should probably have been home by now. You had had enough excitement for one night.

You felt shaky the next morning but you supposed that was probably normal. Either way you had things to do so you got ready and headed out, pulling your hood up over your head, determined to ignore everyone. But you had a feeling as you made your way towards the bus stop and you caught sight of a familiar brown-eyed boy dressed all in black that you might not be so lucky. You shuffled into the bus shelter and attempted to ignore him but to no avail. You felt a tap on your shoulder and you popped out an earbud, annoyed.

“Hey, I'm Hansol.”

“And I'm not interested. I'm having a weird day okay? Just leave me alone.”

“Are you alright? After last night?”

You looked at him suspiciously. “I'm fine now, no thanks to you.”

You watched his gaze drop to his feet. “I'm sorry I didn't know how to warn you…”

You sighed. You really wanted to be annoyed with him but he seemed so sweet and sincere. “Look, Hansol I'm sorry I'm so moody, it's just been a weird couple of weeks and last night has me a little rattled.

“That's understandable.” he replied thoughtfully. “Did you tell anyone yet?”

“Not really, I texted my parents but they didn't reply yet so I guess they haven't checked their phones.” It was a bit concerning that you hadn't heard from them yet, but they had to just be busy today, that was all.

He hummed, a sad look on his face. Before you had the chance to point it out though, you noticed your bus fast approaching. You stepped out to the curb and Hansol followed you.

“Your bus too?” you asked, not glancing over at him.

“Mhm.”

You sighed as the bus pulled up and people piled out, pushing past you and knocking into you like you weren’t even there. You started to grumble as you climbed onto the bus. Hansol followed you up onto the bus, biting at his lip nervously.

��People can be so rude, don’t they see me standing there.”

Hansol opened his mouth but thought for a second before he replied. “They’re probably just busy or distracted.”

“Well it doesn’t mean they get to be rude to anyone.” you grumbled, sinking into your seat and your hoodie even furthur.

He sighed and looked past you out the window at the sky which was starting to rain. “Well maybe people will disappear inside with all the rain and it’ll be less busy out.”

“You’re an optimistic one, aren’t you?”

He chuckled. “I suppose so. In my line of work you have to find a silver lining.”

“And what line of work would that be?”

He smiled sadly out the window. “I’ll tell you later.”

You thought about his response for the last little bit of your bus ride. As the bus pulled up to the mall you began to get out along with a hoard of people. Hansol followed suit.

“Are you just going to follow me everywhere today?” You asked, more than a little annoyed now.

“No, but for a little while longer yes.”

You groaned but started your trek through the mall anyway.

Normally you would pass by the newstand pretty quickly but today a story playing on the TV from the local news station caught your eye.

“...reports that around midnight someone was hit…”

You turned to watch the report, out of the corner of your eye you could see Hansol watching you carefully and chewing on his lip again.

“That’s weird, that’s where I was last night. I guess someone got hit at that intersection. I’m not surprised, people whip through there when… they really…” The words coming from the TV had ceased to make any sense. They had just said your name. They said you had been hit. They said you had died in the hospital a few hours later.

But you were right here. Maybe it was someone else with the same name? The picture that they then projected along with the story proved that to be false. You shook your head, no. You were dreaming, this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

“It’s real, I’m so sorry.” Hansol said softly, as if he was reading your mind.

“But. No. NO! IT CAN’T BE! I’M ALIVE!!!” You could feel a wetness on your cheeks as tears began to stream down your face.

“No, you’re not. You were hit with a car last night just before midnight. I’m sorry. I know this is hard.”

“No. No this isn’t real. I’m dreaming I have to be. I-”

Hansol grabbed you firmly by the shoulders and looked directly into your eyes. “I’m so sorry, but it’s over. Please just calm down and breath for a moment.”

You took a deep breath and broke down into sobs. Hansol pulled you into a tight hug, smoothing your hair down with one hand, the other rubbing small circles into your back. “I know,” He mumbled. “I know, just let it out.”

You really weren’t sure how long you stood there, holding onto Hansol for dear life. Finally it felt like your body was out of tears. You looked up at him and he had an apologetic smile on his face.

“So, all the people who pushed past me?”

“They can’t see you.”

“Why can you.”

He dropped his head. “I really hate this part.” he muttered, more to himself than to you. He took a few steps back and you watched in horror and he was engulfed in black smoke and he emerged with a long flowing cloak, one that seemed to move without any wind, and a tall very sharp looking scythe.

A scream ripped it’s way from your throat as you fell back to the ground and pushed yourself as far away from his as you could.

“Please, don’t be afraid. I’m not here to hurt you, I’m here to help you move on.”

“Stay away from me!”

He sighed. “I can’t hurt you. Please just take my hand. I don’t want you to be stuck here.”

You stayed were you were as he approached you. You didn’t try to back away any more, but you didn’t reach out to him either. He kneeled down in front of you and slowly reached out a hand toward you. You looked from his hand to the sincere look on his face. “What if I don’t want to go?”

“Then you’ll be stuck here. How do you think normal people turn into ghosts.”

You shook your head vigorously. “No, no I’'ll be fine here. I can't leave yet!”

“Please, I really am trying to help you.” the sad look on his face almost broke your heart.

“If I go with you I'll never see anyone again I can't I have to stay.” your voice broke as you started to cry again.

“That’s not necessarily true, please jus-”

“NO!” you pushed yourself as far away from him as you could.

He stood up with a sigh. “Alright. Just, don't say I didn't warn you…” You watched as he turned away and disappeared in the blink of an eye. You slowly got up and looked around.

You might have just made a huge mistake.

Epilogue

Masterlist

[poems-she-wrote]

Blake; I felt like shit away I walked away with Rachel...I walked away from my soulmate and I know I said I don't believe that stuff, but it's hard to deny it when the person you're meant to spend forever with is standing right in-front of you, in arms length, I wish I could go back and just hold her...she looked so hurt. I hoped I'd see her again, just to hear her speak, to know her name..she her smile...be the reason behind her smile.. I woke up to my alarm clock, I groaned it slammed it quiet, Mondays suck, but just the thought of maybe seeing her made me jump out of bed and get ready. after 20 minutes and I heard a car honking opitside which meant Nick was here to pick me up, I kissed my mum cheek and said goodbye before hoping into the car with Nick, "yo man what's up?" I said giving him a quick fist bump "good, good although I don't mind ditching I fucking hate school" he replied annoyed, I laughed "same, but mum would kill me if she got another call from the school" we both just laughed.  as soon as we got out of the car, we got stared down by girls, I rolled my eyes and kept walking to the school entrance, as we were walking to our lockers I heard an annoying sound of heels clicking on the ground and a squeaky voice screaming my name "Blake! Blake slow down" even though I didn't want to, I stopped and turned around to see Rachel making her way towards me but before I could say anything I got attacked by Rachels lips "hi baby, I've missed you" she said after the kiss, I just nodded my head and walking towards my locker, I won't lie I did look after hoping to find a certain pair of green eyes but I had no luck. Once the bell rung I made it to class 30 minutes late, lets just say even though Rachel is annoying as fuck, she's a good hook up.  I opened the door to the Maths class and got greeted by Ms never been laid "uhhh Mr Reid, how nice of you to be here" she said looking away from the board, I smirked "happy to be here" just as I was about to walk to the back to sit with Nick, I caught the sight of a certain pair of green eyes looking at me, it was her...she's here...to say I was happy would be a understatement before I could get a good look of her face she turned her face back to the board, but I saw a tint of blush appearing on her cheeks, my heart skipped a beat, I made her blush. I was about to go over to her but Nick called me to the back "yo man, what are you doing?" I walked past her and sat at the back and the rest of the time in class I spent just looking at her, she's so beautiful, I wish she was mine, wait no she will be mine and I'll love her forever.  the bell rung meaning it was finally lunch time, I was preparing myself to talk to her but she left the class so quickly, leaving her friend behind, as her friend left after her so did I, I got out to the hallway and heard her friend calling out to her "Riley? Riley! wait up" she screamed at to her. I smiled, Riley...her names Riley...I must of been in a daydream after finding out her name because when I looked back to go towards her, they both weren't anywhere in sight, disappointment washed over me, I was so close... Nick came up and patted my back "wanna ditch and get KFC?" I nodded my head "sure, let's go I don't feel like sitting with Rachel and her gossip girls today." he laughed "why don't you just break up with her already?" my mind went back to Riley..the beautiful girl who is my soulmate, "I'm going to" I said smiling. When we got into the car Nick got a text from her girlfriend Alice saying she's coming over later, he was so happy, I would be to.. I won't lie even though I never believed in soulmates, I was always jealous of him, wishing I had that to...but since I've seen Riley...I'm happy to say I might have it soon. after lunch I went back to school desperately looking everywhere for her, for Riley...but she was no where to be found, I got home, wishing I'd got the chance to talk to her...I wish I knew what her voice sounded like....I wish I got to see her smile...

p.s.w // excerpt from a book i'll never write #53 / part 4