#you know what maybe E3 SHOULD come back

[icology]

doing the math in an attempt to figure out when else we can possibly expect a game reveal.

gamescom??? tokyo game show??? king charles' millionth coronation ceremony???

[nqmonarch]

Self Aware HSR But...

But only the characters you own are self aware AND you're a no wishing account. I tried a no wish account, lasted a week ended up getting two ILs in one ten pull.

Bonus: based on the number of eidolons you have of the character the more aware of you, and more knowledge they have.

Like

E0 Know of your existence, probably would assume you're just some aeon.

E1 Feeling the warm presence always guiding them, they're stronger even when you're not by their side.

E3 Hearing you while playing the game.

E4 Seeing you while playing the game.

E6 Knowing that this is a game.

And then if they're someone more intelligent, like Herta, then maybe they can skip an eidolon and also find little ways to work around them. At E5 she's already found a way to hack into your electronics to observe this absurd being (you) some more. Then at E6 she's already planning on a way to make you come to their world, she has so many questions after all!

Of course there's Trailblazer, the first character you get whose eidolons you get without even spending money, and as their journey continues in Belobog and they find themselves becoming stronger all of a sudden they're aware of this strange Aeon? Except you're helping them. Then they start to hear you, then see you, and then everything becomes clear. And terribly more confusing. ...Nothing was real? The confusing part is the moment they accept the power of the preservation it's all gone. Like it was a hallucination. But they remember everything and it ends up coming back slowly step by step, your voice, the sight of you, that's what they really wanted. None of the knowledge left them, and game or not they want you by their side. And all of the Astral Express is left confused by their strange fanaticism about some being called Y/N.

Then there's Dan Heng and March 7th who you also got for free. Who feel your warm presence and strength whenever they're on your team but the moment you leave it's all gone. Dan Heng is skeptical, it must be an Aeon but why would an Aeon be gazing at them so often? March 7th is excited, for an Aeon to look at them that must mean something, right? Maybe they're heroes on an amazing quest! Or the Aeon is trying to help her get her memories back. They all feel a strange sense of familiarity when after the trip to the Xianzhou the trailblazer tells them about a person called Y/N. But they're left even more speechless when they're told this is all just a game. That can't be true, right?

Herta can also be obtained at E6 for free and with every eidolon unlocked she just gets more curious. She knows this person can control and buff them, so what else can they do? And what exactly are they? Similar to an Aeon in terms of overall power but in individual power clearly weaker but able to actually control the movements of others? Simply fascinating. It's even more interesting that they're doing all of this for the good will of others. Of course, you should come here. Even if you end up being a weak human she's sure there's loads of information in your brain, and you may end up holding the purpose to the universe in it. Not to mention the Aeons, of course, they'd be curious of this unknown creature. She hates to admit, she's grown quite fond of you as well.

The rest of the characters can only be obtained at E0 and are randomly dispersed out.

Natasha jumps to defend herself when she suddenly feels eyes watching her when no one is around. Then occasionally when the eyes gaze upon her she finds herself stronger than before. She knows there's something at work here, helping her out, and she can't help but feel thankful she's just hoping this help doesn't come at a price.

Asta feels as if she must've gazed upon something she shouldn't have when she was looking at the stars through her telescope. That pair of eyes makes her both paranoid and curious. It didn't have the strength or choking feeling that the Aeons would give off with their sheer power. But when you look at her instead she feels empowered, as if she can research faster (because she buffs speed). Her conclusions come to her quicker, and she doesn't feel herself getting stuck on the same things. Now, the eyes fluster her, and she feels the strange need to prove herself. To tell the eyes that it was a good decision to trust and help her. She does find it a bit strange at how Herta is suddenly spending all of this money in technological research but decides not to question it.

Qingque doesn't really notice the eyes on her at first. Just all of a sudden she feels more confident in her game of Celestial Jade and-- HAH! That's some insane luck! Another win for her! Then she ends up finding the phenomena happening again, every once in a while a sudden burst of confidence fills her up and she's able to escape the Master Diviner's watchful eyes more easily and win in her games! Her only possible conclusion is she has a natural luck indicator! But when she overhears three of the members of the Astral Express talk about a possible new Aeon she questions if they've perhaps taken an interest in her as well. Maybe it's an Aeon that loves Celestial Jade!

Yukong is wary of the eyes even though warmth comes with them. She's wary because she knows how much power they hold, how they could lead to her death in a moment. But they don't. Instead they help her strategize, every once in a while a pen, when the eyes are watching her, will fall astray onto her desk-- an event that would never happen normally. She tries to keep it organized and tidy. But it strangely opens up a new position, a new idea, a new way to fight back the mara stricken soldiers. The eyes are weak for now they can't do much. But even if they could Yukong decides she'll trust them.

Serval felt a sudden burst of inspiration, a way to make her new invention more efficient, when she first felt the eyes. For some reason she didn't feel any malice in them instead curiosity, and a strange form of love. She was used to dealing with strange fans so she decided to treat this like another form of that, although she does prefer you to the ones that watch outside her window. Whenever she's in your party she feels more unstoppable as if she could continue inventing no matter what. If you ended up getting her E1 in the Aetherium Wars event then that feeling follows her everywhere, she's a bit sad about since she can no longer tell as easily when you're watching her. But she feels honored that, what seems to be an Aeon, is blessing her.

Lynx felt warmth even as snow surrounded her tent. It didn't make sense why she suddenly felt a pair of eyes looking at her but they weren't looking at her as if she were prey, and she had bigger things to worry about, like finding her way home in the morning it was always more difficult after snowfall. She ended up mentioning the eyes to Serval and the two came to the conclusion together that you must be some kind of Aeon, maybe a weakened one? Lynx dedicated a bit of extra time in her explorations to trying to find some information about it, but even in all the abandoned buildings there wasn't much. At least you were still on her side, helping her move quick and heal up from minor scrapes faster than she normally would. Sometimes she felt a bit lonely when your eyes drifted off her.

Sushang felt honored. She was sure this must be an Aeon's gaze for an Aeon to gaze upon her that must be a sign that she's strong and should go out and fight! Not to mention when the Aeon was looking at her she felt stronger and her strikes were more precise! It's a large confidence boost, and she doesn't think too deeply into it to realize you're not an Aeon. She feels greatly honored by your help, when you have time to spare though :).

Then for the Aetherium Wars Event you could get Serval, Pela, Luka, or Hook so Pela, Luka, and Hook will also each get a section.

Pela felt skeptical. She wasn't used to just accepting that good things happen, not after all the war she's had to toughen herself up for. But it's interesting. Her mind is swifter while you're looking at her and she feels herself able to plan out battles more easily. She ends up confiding in Lynx and is shocked to find not only has Lynx experienced the same feeling, but Serval. An Aeon, their gaze was said to be suffocating. But yours felt the opposite, warm. Pela takes a few extra hours after work each day to do some research and try to figure out who you are but time after time nothing turns up, that is until the Astral Express comes back.

Luka feels his blood roaring in his body when you look at him. He's ready to fight anything and anyone, and in the ring he decimates. He normally destroys whoever he's against but this time he couldn't keep his strength in check and... that's a broken arm on the other guy one punch in. And that wasn't even with his robot arm! Every once in a while he'll feel a gaze sweep over him, filling him with the exhilaration and adrenaline needed for a fight. It's a bit annoying because sometimes he'll be about to go to sleep and it happens. But he understands, you're an Aeon with no concerns for anything like that, instead you're just looking to see a good fight! And apparently have deemed him as a good source for that. He feels honored as well, and a bit flustered. If only you were someone he could meet in person, then you'd be even more impressed when you can see his ring fights up close! He can give you an autograph too, if you really want one.

Of course Pitch Dark Hook the Great caught the attention of an Aeon! For all she boasts she's a little scared, she's heard stories of Aeons of the great feats they accomplish (she'll one day accomplish those feats too she's just biding her time!) and it's a teensy bit intimidating. But you must see great potential in her! After all Pitch Dark Hook the Great will be the greatest of all time! This is just further confirmation of that. Over time she begins to become more comfortable with your presence taking the opportunity to show off and challenge the other members of The Moles to a game of hide and seek when your gaze is on her, proving how she is the greatest of them all!

So for reader's eyes to be on them they have to be in party. And they don't really know when they're in party, they're still doing basic daily stuff rather than fighting as we have them running relic domains. Otherwise they'd probably be like why does this asshole want me to fight an ape 7 times in a row?! (me farming for Lynx and Fu Xuan)

[busyxfangirling]

The second season is honestly becoming increasingly harder to watch because what are they trying to do?

The show is titled Loki but he feels like a side character is his own show, I know many MANY things are happening but literally Loki is not the central figure driving the story.

My expectations were low but I did not know Disney could do this much worse!!!!

What the FUCK was episode 3 with the Miss Minutes thing and weird little Ravonna/Victor attempt???

Marvel is just getting worse and worse with what they're putting out, I want the character or even narrative driven stories back where people were well fleshed out, had consistency and their actions made sense to who there were!!! This feels like just trying to sell shock value because you know you have a base of consumers who will stay to see what happens to their favourite character.

They are absolutely ignoring all the material they have available to them to work with! This Loki has only experienced things till the Avengers movie, there is so much character deep dive they could do! What is the point of giving them their own show and then not talking about them at all??

I'll come to the queer things later cause boy do I have a list for that, but first of all, Loki is not a new character in any capacity??? He has been loved and is arguably the biggest fan favourite since his introduction, the amount of theories about him and what people would like to see is very well known!! Right in front of them is his still unclear feelings in his adoption, about being a Jotun, loosing his family and the complicated relationships with them. I can see they are acknowledging his God of Mischief status a little bit but!! Trickster!! Let us see him be a wild card properly!! Not in the sense of betraying his new TVA family - that's what it is and you can fight me on that- but being chaotic!! Yes, using his magic like with Brad!! SHOW ME HE IS A GOD!!!

The worst thing is how lost everyone feels, like I'm not talking about the whole free will conundrum everyone is going through, that is spectacular! Unfortunately it is not coming across, we literally don't get to hear any of the characters talk about what they think of it. There was the key lime pie moment but no follow up to what that is for Loki? It's just one crisis after another, maybe rehash some of what has already happened, bring back the seriousness of this!! The entire multiverse is at stake but we'll make it look like whimsical wishy-washy stuff??!??!!!

Don't get me wrong, I am LOVING the time travel aspect of it, where it looks like Loki/Mobius are on cute dates. But then make it real, the fucking queerbaiting is ridiculous. The throw-away comment in season one about looking being bi was just that and nothing else. And I'm not saying this cause aww they look cute together! But also cause the development of their relationship has been as such!! They have been very dependent on each other and that's not being addressed at all.

I know there are multiple posts about a possible betrayal and my fear is that they're going to try to use that to basically change everything about the characters again, a lot of OOC based on the fact that oh yeah they're going through an existential crises so it makes sense.

Sylkie made barely any sense to me even apart from the whole selfcest issue- they just imposed a the structure of what a straight relationship should be where there was barely any chemistry. S1 E3 had them as really good chaotic siblings/twins and then adding the romantic tones to that really ruined it. Trying to bring it back, possibly, is just weird cause so far they want very different things. These people just don't align together, stop forcing them to? The fact that they refuse to even talk about that kiss shows that they are keeping it open and not just acknowledging that "hey, we don't want the same things in life and I'm happy for you, you matter a lot to me but a romantic relationship is not happening. Also cause you know, we're the same person, lol."

Sylvie as a character is also very confusing rn, there is honestly no need for her to keep coming back in this way??? I'm going to reserve further opinions because half the season is left but I dont expect anything to really get better.

[bunnakit]

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

[mikiemcsmitty]

Fictober Day 3

prompt: "I know you better"

Fandom: Supernatural

Character: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

Warnings: Alcohol/substance abuse, Mild self-harm implication

Summary:

Dean's POV: In between S10 E3 and S10 E4 Dean slips away from Sam's careful watch to try to deal with his problems independently.

It was windy and cold outside. Not to mention raining. This was the third bar in Smith County that Sam had walked to and with his car still broken down and the only working car being the one Dean took Sam had no other choice but to trudge through the weather in his pursuit to find his brother. This time he got lucky, the familiar 1967 Chevy Impala was parked outside. He went inside to find Dean completely hammered, sitting at the bar. 

“Dean?”

“Sammy!”

“Common Dean, I'm here to take you home,” Sam said, clearly annoyed.

“Nooo. Come sit, have a drink,” Dean said while slurring his words. 

Sam sighed in exhaustion. “Dean, what are you doing? This self-destructive behavior… it’s getting old.” Sam reached into Dean's pocket to grab his keys and Dean was clearly too drunk to stop him. “Let's go,” he said rattling the keys in front of him.

Dean grabbed his jacket off of the back of the barstool and followed Sam back to the car. “You're such a buzz kill,” he said under his breath.

“Seriously, Dean! Look I know you're dealing with a lot right now but this isn't you.”

“Sam.”

“Don’t start with me. I already told you I forgive you for the Mark of Cain business–”

“Sam!” Dean interrupted him.

“What?”

“Pull over. Now.”

Sam sighed again before obliging knowing that Dean would have a fit if he let him throw up in his own car.

The two of them were on the side of the road for about 20 minutes while Dean threw up everything he ate, drank, and took that night. Sam was getting more and more impatient by the minute. “Talk to me, Dean. What's going on?”

Dean groaned. “It's nothing. Can't a guy just get a drink every now and then?”

“Come on Dean… I know you better than that. What's really going on?”

Dean sighed and leaned back on the side of the car. “It's just… you keep saying you've forgiven me… but that doesn't mean I've forgiven myself.” 

“So you thought disappearing, leaving a cryptic note, and drinking so much your liver will never recover was the right way to go about it.” 

“I'm not in the mood for a lecture right now.”

“Well too bad.” Sam paused before pulling the note out of his pocket. “Going out to get fucked up. Don't come looking for me in the morning. Signed Dean,” he read off. “You can't just keep drowning your sorrows in alcohol and whatever else you're on right now.”

“It's just alcohol.”

“Really? Because you have a track record you know…” 

“What are you talking about?”

“You think I don't notice how the ashtray in the Impala is always full or how whenever you get a headache you just take pills from an unmarked bag and keep it pushing. You’re reckless and self-destructive and probably borderline suicidal at this point and these problems run way deeper than the Mark and you know it.”

“You're one to talk, you know.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“I believe I remember you trying to buy sleeping pills off the black market a few years ago not to mention your method to keep the hallucinations away.”

“That was different,” Sam said with a scoff.

“Look. You know it. I know it. Our lives are screwed up enough as it is that we've earned our fair share of illicit assistance.” 

Sam rolled his eyes. “That's a twisted way to think… You know maybe Cas was right. We should take a break– a real break.” Sam folded his arms over his chest. “We could drive out to the lake and just spend some time just you, me, and a reasonable amount of beer. How's that sound?”

“Sounds like a load of crap,” Dean says flatly. After letting the silence drag out he finally gives a real answer. “We can leave in the morning after I sleep this off.”

[gudsouplady]

Watching Ghosts S1,E3 - Happy death day (spoilers)

I’m FINALLY back to Tumblr,after scheduling made it impossible to find time to do this. So now it will mainly be weekly posts now or maybe posts that are drafted and posted during the week. so I hope you enjoy this review :)

• Pat’s Summer camp

• Why did the kid shoot Pat ????

• PAT DYING IS MAKING ME SAD

• Why are the kids just staring at Pat dying ????? Help him

• He drove the bus into a tree 🚍 🌳

• The intro is spectacular ✨

• This episode was written by Ben Willbond (The Captain)

• Mike stop snoring and get up !!!!!!

• I LOVE THIER RELATIONSHIP!!!!!

• Robin playing chess by himself

• Poor Robin just wants to play chess

• The builders have started

• Thomas is such a drama queen

• ALISON DOSEN’T WANT YOU, THOMAS

• “He’s got the hots for Alison” I love Julian

• “Damn Your Eyes”

• Kitty is too pure to learn about that ????

• NOOOO NOT MORE MONEY !!!!!!

• It’s Pat’s death day tomorrow :(

• Thomas taking a poetic approach as per usual

• Don’t interrupt Thomas like that ????

• The ghosts have come up with a plan

• The plan has backfired 2 seconds after its was planned

• We can all see how Pat died

• Pat is considering his family

• Why would Pat’s wife remarry especially to her dead husband’s friend ???? Pat’s energy is irreplaceable

• His wife was having an affair :(

• Mike fell over

• Mary get out the shower

• The plan started again but failed

• Alison almost killed Terry

• The poem is working

• Don’t let Fanny teach kitty

• The plan worked

• Fanny isn’t happy

• Pat don’t tell Alison to kill your ex wife!

• Robin,Pat and Thomas are actually a good trio

• I want Robin to be my therapist

• No one should be teaching Kitty

• Alison is actually being nice

• Thomas found inspiration

• Mary almost killed Alison

• The plan worked

• Mary just wasted Alison’s time

• She can’t find the ring

• “Just a couple of chaps in the library”

• The captain is such a gay icon and I love it 🏳️‍🌈

• Am I the only one who thinks that Alison is in the right for the toolboxes to be searched

• The found the ring

• Pat’s family are here

• Alison is such a nice person

• Pat has a grandson !!!!!!

• Don’t walk to the light

• Pat is an awkward bean

• Kitty now knows

• Instead of using the song as inspiration, Thomas stole the song

• “What is a Kylie min-ohg ????”

• Thomas is now devastated

• The ghosts are gathered in one room

• I rate this episode a 10/10 because I loved it so much that I almost cried happy tears

[spiderh0rse]

notes on eddie's mind. the series itself is dreadfully short, so this post shall be as well. alas! i think he's probably one of my favourite mindverse characters by his portrayal here alone.

e1

he sleeps in a decrepit train car

tries to have breakfast! Out of breakfast! I'll give him points for trying

has no idea where his train has taken him

woke up at Night

considers blowing something up to open a path forward but drops it when he realizes that'll draw attention to him

eddie wakes up and Loots The Place. He's lookin for food mostly

a little surprised to see a body but pretty calmly takes its gun

EXTREME VIOLENCE AGAINST POISON HEADCRAB

he's got a neat way of talking where he'll say half a sentence, pause to figure out what the hell he's saying, and then finish it. Does just drop some sentences full out

a barnacle grabbing a headcrab makes his day. Gross to watch though

keeps referring to zombies as "individuals". That is charming

wonders what happened to Gordon. Reminded of him by some loose sciency and mathy papers

okay this guy is just plain adorable??

thinks the lambda everywhere just draws the cops to them

mocks the "ammunition depleted" alert

more than a bit unhappy at being trapped somewhere.

e2

audibly panicking at being trapped

deeply confused at resistance engineering

"zombies can't see in the dark. well, shit, I can't see in the dark either"

does Not feel well at the sight of a giant pit of zombies

just kind of uhs and ums and noises his way through the room

horribly unjazzed at having to walk into zombiepit even if it's probably safe

questions the puzzle design so much

has seen the Indiana Jones movie with the snake pit

he doesn't think he's seen a working tv that isn't one of the giant propaganda monitors

vents are a big thing in city 17 where he is, especially for resistance members, which he considers himself one of

we love when a guy falls and hits his head

reads stuff aloud! Mumbles it mostly but he does read out loud

Gordon got drunk and depressed a Lot

gets the zeo point projector and decides yeah maybe he should put that away

questions the safety of the projector

expects to die in the next year or so

shotgun :) beautiful.

hates going in circles but it happens so often

just hopes he doesn't cross more cops

has the puzzle gamer's instinct

e3

bit wary of large heights

hopes the gravity projector could be fun? and more importantly save his life?

Indiana Jones counter two

finds using the projector to break his fall disorienting

it is however the most useful weapon he's ever come across in his life

feels the only reason he's alive right now is blind luck

"I bet if I do that thing that giant door will open and lead to a. Beautiful utopia."

he's SO silly

"this is what I get for having HOPE" sobs as he shoots zombies

immediately stops the wailing when something fun happens

EAR DAMAGE THE GUEST STAR OF EVERY MIND SERIES

hes back to being lost he says. When was he ever Not lost

"nyih."

rocket launcher :D

sure that he should be concerned but not if the gunfire nearby is cause for alarm

theorizes all these indestructible doors are made of mystery indestructible material

deeply nauseated and disturbed st some corpse hanging from a ceiling

I can hear his voice drifting into a smaller typeset

attempts to reverse psychology his way out of hitting his head

not very good with aim

not terribly optimistic right now!

e4

"time to improvise I guess??" pulls out rocket launcher

by no means stoked to be fighting a strider

tbh there is not much to note because he's making half-words and noises most of the time. Which is charming but is not terribly backstory of him

HUH BRIGHT GREEN FLASH EPISODE ENDS

episode unends is this Doom

oh he is panicking so hard. sorry Eddie you have wandered your way into hell

bothered by the demons bleeding blue and the sky being weird

"i don't know what i did to deserve this,,,,," wettest cat noises I've ever heard in my life

[serenailith]

calling for death

for @dreamlingbingo

Square: e3, trust issues Rating: g Word Count: 593 Ship(s): dream of the endless/hob gadling Warnings: none Additional Tags: arguments, death is tired of dream and hob’s crap, cheating of a sort Summary:

Hob is tired of Dream ignoring him, so he calls for Death. Of course, this gets Dream's attention.

Link: on ao3 masterlist

It really isn’t his fault. He’s merely a victim of circumstance. Unfortunately, it isn’t easy to explain. He tries—God, how he tries—but nothing makes the situation better. Dream refuses to believe the truth, and Hob can’t change his mind. They both walk away frustrated and unwilling to talk more.

But it remains stuck in Hob’s mind over the next two weeks, as he lectures his students, as he marks papers, as he falls asleep alone at night. The Dreaming bars him from entering, evidence that Dream still hasn’t forgiven him for a transgression he never committed. Hob supposes he should be grateful that Dream isn’t sending Nightmares to plague his sleep.

It comes to a head an entire month after that first argument. Hob has had enough of the silent treatment, so he does what any sane person would do: He asks for Death’s presence. Not her gift, of course not, never. But Dream won’t know that.

He’ll appear within moments of his Sister, and he will be forced to speak to Hob. Maybe Death can act as mediator. It’s sneaky and underhanded, but Hob has officially run out of options. Nuclear it is.

Death arrives first with a gentle flutter of wings. She raises a dark brow and crosses her arms over her chest. Her ankh necklace sways gently with the movement. Eventually, when Hob stays quiet, she speaks.

“I know you aren’t asking for my gift, so why have you called for me?”

“Your brother is being stubborn and refusing to listen to me. He has some serious trust issues. So I was hoping you could mediate so we can move past this.”

Death’s jaw drops, and her hands fall to her side. Hob stares back impassively. He can read her expression clearly: She thinks he’s absurd for this request, he’s lost the plot. He probably has, but when it comes to Dream, he’s willing to go to the ends of the universe.

Even when Dream is being an idiot.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” she says after a long minute. “What happened?”

“He thinks I cheated.”

“Forgive me for asking, but—”

“I did nothing of the sort,” Hob snaps, and Death raises her hands in an effort to placate him. “I’d never do that.”

“Then why—?”

“Because he did cheat.”

Dream’s voice comes before his form emerges from the swirl of golden sand. On his face is a terrible scowl, and were Hob a lesser man, he would cower in fear of that expression. As it is, he’s made of stronger stuff than that, and no anthropomorphic personification of a concept can frighten him.

“I did not.”

Death steps between them, hands up and palms facing each of the men. “Okay, okay. Can I get the whole story?”

“What is there to tell?” Dream asks, voice chilly and firm. “Hob Gadling cheated.”

“It’s not my fault you are absolutely dreadful at Monopoly!”

“This is over a board game?” In all the visits Hob has had with Death, she has never sounded so incredulous. Or angry. “Have you two lost the few brain cells you own? I have better things to do than get in the middle of a petty argument over a game! Dream, you are billions of years old, and Hob, you are almost seven hundred. Act your ages.”

She’s gone in a rush of wings, and Hob raises a brow at Dream. Dream sniffs and lifts his chin, straightens his spine.

“I still say you cheated.”

Hob rolls his eyes and pulls Dream in for a graceless kiss.

[hertwood]

dts s2 e3-5

e3: -i love this episode because i've always said that carlos & daniel's careers are parallels. their journey's could've easily been swapped based on luck and chance. as will buxton points out if things had gone differently it could've ended carlos' career. so much chance is involved in this sport, more than we're usually comfortable with acknowledging!! -daniel backing into dany is 23japan checo pitstop level of absurdity. love it -i hope cyril was fucking him silly. tbh -"where's the fucking boot?" top 10 dts quotes -i miss the orange/blue racesuits So Much btw

e4: -so so so excited for this one -flashback sequence abt mercedes rise to power makes me emotional. v motivated to go back and watch those years -also is somehow comforting in the midst of the rb domination era. mercedes were SO dominant at this time it felt impossible to overcome, and if they could fall off so could red bull, so could anyone, its all constantly changing and thats good! -"be a bit more intelligent today than normal" obsessed. gunther v toto german-off is iconic -lewis casually talking abt having a ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR DEGREE FEVER and still coming to work is insane to me. there should be more safety standards regarding illness fr -the side effect of me watching s4 first for the first time ever is that max v lewis is wired into my brain anytime they're mentioned or seen next to eachother, on track or off i go INSANE all the connections in my brain go haywire -long pit stops are always legitimately PAINFUL to watch. not that i could do better in a high pressure situation like that, but i'm just wincing the whole time waiting for it to be over

ep5: -love how this episode starts with christian horner being choked out by his child -hope whichever daughter of his who said her favorite driver was lewis knows how iconic she was for that -loved max's smize in that photoshoot. he's a natural, i was not insane when i wrote that model!max au -pierre is SO little. i'm so glad he stopped shaving that mustache it is SUCH a better look -pierre's narrative is a) classic red bull chew em up spit em out but b) also highlights how EXPECTED both nyck & logan's struggle was last year. it is NORMAL to struggle when you first get in an new car when you're in your first or second year. anyway so glad my baby (logan) is in a team that doesnt take a red bull approach!!! -geri insisting she works harder than christian is so iconic AND shes right -pierre getting lapped by max -> daniel getting lapped by lando in s4 are cinematic parallels btw -this is another NARRATIVELY well done episode!! obviously i already know whats going to happen, but even if i didn't the episode creates this sense of increasing dread as it goes on, where you can maybe guess where its going but gets you to hope so strongly it doesnt. the peeling off of all of pierre's stickers is just the final blow and the PERFECT choice to end the arc

[slynbarnes]

Embers: Season 1 E1-5 (TikTok Series @s.lynbarnes)

S1 E1: 

(You are running through the city, pain searing in your side. You can’t stop no matter how bad you want to. You have to keep pushing.) 

(“Just a little bit further.”  You think to yourself as you continue to propel yourself forward. The tower isn’t far from you, it's finally in your view. It takes everything in you to not look back.) 

(You're only about 50 feet from the door but it still seems so far away.) 

(40 feet)

(30 feet) 

(20 feet) 

(10 feet) 

(5 feet) 

(Finally you make it to the door and start pounding as hard as you can until finally a dark haired blue eyed man opens the door.) 

Y/N: I need h- (Before you can finish your sentence you collapse and the man catches you before you hit the ground.) 

(He then realizes your gunshot wound and is covered in your blood.) 

B: Y/N? (His eyes go wide once he sees your face.) 

S1 E2:

B: Y/N? (His eyes go wide once he sees your face.) 

(He looks back down at your wound to find you bleeding out quickly. He picks you up and carries you quickly to the Med Bay and calls for Bruce.) 

BB: Bucky, what happened? 

B: I heard a knock on the door and when I answered it she collapsed in my arms. Can you help her? 

BB: I should be able to, I just need to stop the bleeding. 

B: Can I do anything to help? 

BB: I need more gauze pads. 

B: On it! 

(Steve walks in after hearing all the commotion.) 

S: What’s going on? Who is this? 

B: She is a friend. She collapsed at the door, it’s a long story I’ll explain later. 

N: What’s going on? (She asks, entering the room.) 

B: I need everyone out! I will explain later, right now Bruce needs to focus and I won’t leave until I know she is okay. 

(Bruce and Bucky work on you as quickly as they can to stabilize you.) 

S1 E3: 

(2 days later) 

(Steve comes in carrying a plate of food for Bucky) 

S: Do you care to finally share who this girl is and why you are so concerned with her?

B: I know her. She was in HYDRA with me and I trained her. They told me she was dead after an incident between us happened while on a mission together. I can’t leave her alone again. 

S: Is she- (Bucky cuts him off) 

B: A super soldier? No. She is enhanced but not like we are. 

S: And this incident between the two of you? Do I even want to ask?

B: No. 

S1 E4: 

(Later that day) 

(Bucky is passed out in a chair in your med room) 

(You let out a whimper as you start to come to. Your eyes flicker open to an unfamiliar room, you see a man sitting in a chair in the corner of your room. You are unsure of what’s happening.) 

BB: Good, you’re awake. 

Y/N: What happened? Where am I?

BB: My name is Bruce Banner and you are in the Avengers tower in a room for our med bay. You are safe now. As for what happened we are not quite sure. We know you were shot but we don’t know by who or why. What is your name?

Y/N: Y/N. My son. Where is my son?

BB: You have a son? 

Y/N: Yes. He’s 9… he should be here with me. 

BB: When you came here you were alone. If you can give us his name then maybe I can see if we can find him for you. 

Y/N: His name is Lucas. He… he… (You search your mind trying to piece things together) HYDRA. His handler has him. He is in danger. (You say as you start to regain some of your memories.) I need to go. I have to find him. (You start to pull your IV out but are cut off by a growly voice.) 

B: We will find him. (Bucky says as he wipes the sleep from his eyes) You were just shot, you need to rest. 

Y/N: I need him to be safe. 

B: I promise you, I will make sure we find him. 

Y/N: Thank you… (Your eyes are once again too heavy and you fall unconscious once more.) 

S1 E5:

(Bucky stands up getting ready to leave.) 

BB: Do you really think you can find this kid?

B: I have to try especially if HYDRA has him…(Bucky lowers his head and quickly exits the room) 

(Back in the lounge) 

T: She can’t stay here we don’t know her. 

S: Bucky clearly does and doesn’t find her to be of any harm otherwise I don’t think he would have helped her. 

W: Steve is right on this Tony, the poor girl dropped here of all places looking for help. Shouldn’t we do exactly that? Help?

N: I understand that but what if she is dangerous, She is in HYDRA. This could be a trap. 

T: Thank you, Nat. 

B: Would you all shut the hell up! She isn’t IN HYDRA. She was taken by them and tortured for years. She also has a child who is in serious danger. So if you would all stop plotting against her and maybe ask the only person who knows anything about her then you would open your eyes and help. Her kid is with a handler. Which means if she doesn’t return soon they will either torture or kill a 9 year old boy. I think we need to focus on saving a family before we discuss what to do next. 

S: (Looking at Bucky with many questions rolling around in his head) 

W: Well I don’t know about you all but I’m not going to let them harm a child. 

S: I’m with Buck on this. 

N: Sorry Tony, regardless of the mom, there is a boy at stake… it’s too close to home. I’m with you Bucky. 

T: Don’t look at me like I’m evil.. Of course we are going to save the kid. We’ll discuss the girl later.

[lerry-hazel]

HERE BE SPOILERS !!! (e3-4)

I’m making a list of all those fishy things in GO2 I’m no longer willing to dismiss, because it makes me feel vindicated.

**************************e3******************************

1. Muriel – in retrospect: once you realise that’s supposed to be a character, rather than a one-time joke.

2. The Bently Part 2, which is actually worse than Part 1: like, if one tries really hard, one might, maybe, pretend that there is some, yet unnamed, reason why Aziraphale absolutely had to take a car to Edinburgh; but there is definitely no reason why he should mess with something Crowley loves.  

3. The whole graveyard thing. More blatant villainisation of Aziraphale, that has the audacity to pretend to be book-canon. Granted, the book doesn’t describe the exact circumstances where the discussion on moral potential of poverty takes place, but it reads like they were talking over a cup of tea, not over the head of an actual ill and starving person.

Moreover, the book states clearly that

a) Aziraphale is smart, and

b) that Crowley was freakin’ ASLEEP in 1827, when the whole ordeal supposedly takes place;

c) which, in turn, paints the 1862 flashback from s1e3 in very unpleasant light.

4. (Technically, also the graveyard thing): extremely awkward foreshadowing. Resurrections might come in handy in the Second Coming of imaginary s3, but that was such a lame introduction, of, I don’t even know: Dr./Mr. Dalrymple? The pub? Since neither has any impact on the plotline of s2.

************************e4*****************************

1. The Bently is 90 y.o. That’s frankly, moistly nitpicking, but I remember there had been some issue with the model used in the book vs s1, and was going to check it out on principle, while assuming it didn’t matter. Now that they’ve said it aloud, it feels like it does matter, but still doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

2. “Crowley doesn’t have Gabriel, where would he put him?” Is it just me, or does it sound like Aziraphale is, apparently, not oblivious to the fact Crowley is homeless?

3. The whole “mini-episode”. Again.

a) The Characters only have 6000 years of shared history. What could be better use of valuable screen time than reiterating how Aziraphale utterly fails in the art of prestidigitation?

b) I totally didn’t want to see Madame Tracy and Sister Mary, let alone Warlock or Adam. But I was so deeply invested in the further fate of three squished nazis!

c) It would be nice to hear Aziraphale proclaiming his utter trust in Crowley: if it didn’t happen right after accusing Crowley of leading a nazi spy ring and right before accusing Crowley of shooting people left, right and center.

d) It would be nice to see Aziraphale put his complete trust in Crowley, if it didn’t happen in a situation with literally zero stakes. Also, OK, by this time it’s been successfully brought to my attention that the show wants me to hate Aziraphale for some reason, but why is Crowley going along with it?

4. Plants being put back into the Bently right away: looks suspiciously like Crowley doesn’t want to spend an extra minute in the bookshop. Let’s cling to the hope it’s because of Gabriel, for now.

[fixated-on-something]

Ok, initially I was never planning to post this fic anywhere- but at the request of @violetsarepurple-fuckyou I will!

(Accidentally posted this to main for a few minutes- oops)

A few words to preface this-

SPOILERS FOR THE MAGICIANS SEASONS 4 AND 5!

This is meant to take place at points during S4 E13 through S5 E3. Bits of canon conversation are kept in, and it’s very very canon adjacent- its more of a slightly changed AU.

It’s implied that much of the conversation between Alice and Eliot in S5 E3 still took place, just slightly changed- this is in a reality in which Eliot did end up sending the letter. I’d imagine this would have to be a situation in which perhaps Alice and Eliot hadn’t quite come to terms with Q’s death (as much as they had in that episode anyway) and were still clinging on.

Every cutoff of the text is a different point in time, it kind of jumps back and forth.

I ALSO BELIEVE that the ending Q got was beautiful, and the conclusion with Eliot and Alice was very nice. This was simply out of curiosity and denial.

Last thing is that I’m not a fic writer- this is the first time I’ve ever dabbled in fanfiction. It was quite literally written at 1 in the morning while I was sobbing over the events of late S4 - Early S5. Therefore, it’s not worded very eloquently or even thought out too much, it was just for fun. That being said I hope someone enjoys it! As a quick little title, I’m gonna call this…

•Letters of denial•

———————^—__—=•=—__—^———————

Eliot stood clutching the letter, his hands shaking. He felt months- if not years worth of bottled emotions rising and falling inside of him as he clenched his jaw and stared at the mailbox. Memories, a whirlwind in his mind- 50 beautiful years. The love and the pain- the door. He got out. He was braver now. And bravery is all this would take. He took in a deep, shuddering breath, recalling the earlier conversation.

———————————•———————————

He had stood beside Alice, stamp in hand. “So there’s no way to know… for sure?” He inquired, almost pleadingly. “No. But, I was once told-“ she turned to face him- “that sometimes to grieve, you’ve gotta do some crazy shit. And this is less crazy than what I did-“ Eliot smirked slightly, and she looked down. “And it could help.” He hesitated before replying- “are you sure that’s- what we want? I mean we said that if we change anything it could be so much worse, and major time fuckery is kinda not the top option here as well as- well you and Q were-“ Alice smiled and shook her head knowingly. “As I said, Q was… complicated. I couldn’t ever demand that he only love me. How could he? You two had a life together that- I’ll never have with him. And as much as that- hurts, I- I know that you were able to share that and that’s- amazing. What’s important is that- I care about him and he for me… that doesn’t mean I can be the only one.” She glanced up at him again. “He… really loved you, El.” He looked away. “I wouldn’t say that-“ “I would.” She held his gaze. “And you love him. And you never got to tell him. I did. If you have a way to tell him, do it. We both know he deserves that much.” Eliot stepped towards the pit, hesitating. “I know” she murmured. He turned around. She continued- “I’m scared too. But, I know that no matter how things change, he still cares- cared- about me. This time, he did. And… that’s enough.” She paused. “Do it, El.”

———————————•———————————

Eliot sat, head in his hands. Was it worth it? There are so many ways things could change- there was no guarantee it would be for the better. Maybe his sacrifice would be for nothing. Maybe- maybe it was still worth it. He closed the envelope, kissing the seal.

———————————•———————————

As he stared into the mailbox, his eyes stung with the tears springing to his eyes. He looked down at the delicately addressed letter- Quentin Coldwater: Before the seam. He knew what it contained. Its danger. He knew he should let go but- how could he live with himself, knowing Q would never- he dropped the letter into the mailbox and exhaled sharply as he closed it. Shit. “What did I just do what do do just do-“

———————————•———————————

Quentin sat on the staircase, watching Alice as she left. He felt oddly at peace- even as he suppressed the turmoil within him. It was quiet. This was dangerous. This was so dangerous he could- no. No use thinking of every horrible possibility. He thought of Eliot instead, which was almost worse. Eliot, in the infirmary. Eliot, who might finally be alright. He should be with him- but there was no time. There was nothing he wanted more in the world than to talk to him, even just for a few minutes. After everything, there was still so much unsaid and now- well now he didn’t know. As he rested his head in his hands, he heard a shuffling. He looked up to see a letter, drifting to the floor. Picking it up gingerly, he read the address- Quentin Coldwater: Before the seam. He sat there for a moment, in shock- it was El’s handwriting. Was he recovering this quickly? How did he manage to get a letter from the infirmary? He delicately opened the envelope, removing a carefully folded piece of paper.

Q. Truthfully, there is much more that I would like to say. I wish I could tell you everything, but I can’t. What I can say is that you are brave. So much braver than any of us. I love you, Q- and I always will. But you already knew that. I mean- 50 years, who gets a proof of concept like that? I’m sorry for being so scared. I’m sorry for running.

-Yours forever, Eliot

He stared, stunned, at the paper- scanning it over and over. Before he could stop them, tears began running down his cheeks. This could only mean a few things- and none of them were good. At the same time, his heart swelled. How he had received this letter, he didn’t know. He flipped the envelope over to examine the stamp. It only took him a second to realize what it was. Fillory and further. Jane. This was sent through time. He didn’t know from when- but it didn’t really matter, did it?

———————————•———————————

As he stared into Everett’s eyes, he suddenly knew what the letter meant. “Take her. Do it. Now.” 23 began to pull Alice from the room as she screamed in protest. He felt the magic surge through his hands. Everything drowned out as the cracks began to mend. “What did you DO-“ Everett spat, promptly cut off- “Just minor mending.” The man’s face filled with horror and rage. “GIVE IT TO ME!” He screamed, as he launched himself at Quentin. Everything slowed down. As the cracks healed, he propelled the vial towards the mirror. It had to be timed perfectly. This was the only chance. He felt the sparks in the air- ready to ignite. Alice clawed for the door as 23 pulled her away. The final cracks sealed as Everett launched himself at the mirror, the vial passing through. It was done. Sparks ricocheted through the room, burning through Everett until nothing was left. Quentin turned and ran for the door. As he leapt, he made eye contact with Alice- he saw her in the last moments as she was pulled around the corner, wailing. A piercing in his back- and then numb. Then another. A thousand times. He felt it take him. He felt peace. He felt- love. Love, as he faded. Love as nothing remained.

Honestly I started this side blog because I need to be contained

For context, I have never written fanfiction for anything. Ever. This show compelled me to.

(I will most likely never post it here, simply because it’s not well written or anything it was just to ease my grief at the events of late season 4 and early season 5)

I am pounding on the walls of my enclosure

[bamf-jaskier]

Comparison of Show and Book Coën

All right folks, you asked for it so here it is. As an avid fan of both the books and show I am so excited to talk about Coen, who is possibly becoming one of my favorite witchers. I’ve done a post on Coen before here that basically goes over his character from the books, but I figured a comparison was in order. 

To start, in the books, Coen only appears in Blood of Elves but does get a mention in Lady of the Lake as a flashback. In the show, he is in episodes 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8. Actually, Coen has more scenes in the show than he does in the books so I’m going to be taking his book scenes and talking about equivalents to that in the show and also touching on how his other scenes in the show influence his characterization. 

To start off with Lambert and Coen training Ciri 

Blood of Elves Chapter 2: 

The girl, agilely stepping along the balance beam, executed a half-turn, cut lightly, and immediately leaped away. The dummy, struck, swayed on its rope.

“Well, at last!” shouted Lambert. “You’ve finally got it! Go back and do it again. I want to make sure it wasn’t a fluke!”

“The sword,” Triss turned to the witchers, “looks sharp. The beam looks slippery and unstable. And Lambert looks like an idiot, demoralising the girl with all his shouting. Aren’t you afraid of an unfortunate accident? Or maybe you’re relying on destiny to protect the child against it?”

“Ciri practised for nearly six months without a sword,” said Coën. “She knows how to move. And we are keeping an eye on her because—”

“Because this is her home,” finished Geralt quietly but firmly. Very firmly. Using a tone which put an end to the discussion.

Blood of Elves Chapter 3:

“Once more, Ciri. We’ll go through it slowly so that you can master each move. Now, I’m attacking you with tierce, taking the position as if to thrust… Why are you retreating?”

“Because I know it’s a feint! You can move into a wide sinistra or strike with upper quarte. And I’ll retreat and parry with a counterfeint!”

“Is that so? And if I do this?”

“Auuu! It was supposed to be slow! What did I do wrong, Coën?”

“Nothing. I’m just taller and stronger than you are.”

“That’s not fair!”

“There’s no such thing as a fair fight. You have to make use of every advantage and every opportunity that you get. By retreating you gave me the opportunity to put more force into the strike. Instead of retreating you should have executed a half-pirouette to the left and tried to cut at me from below, with quarte dextra, under the chin, in the cheek or throat.”

S2 E3 What is Lost: 

Lambert: Nice try, Princess. Admit it. You belong in a castle, not our keep.

Lambert (to Ciri): Gettin’ tired?

Lambert (to Coen): Do you remember wasting your time battling sacks of straw, Coen?

Coen: Can’t say I do.

Ciri: What did you do, then?

Lambert: I don’t think so. Some things are far too scary for little girls.

Ciri: I’m not little, and I’m not afraid.

Lambert: That’s easy to say. But our road is a dark one. Full of dangers. Is that what you want?

Ciri: I want to do what a witcher does.

Lambert: Come on, then.

Coen: Afraid to break a nail, Princess?

Lambert: Give it a try. Go on.

Coen: Are you sure about this?

Lambert: I’m just having a little fun.

(Ciri falls)

Lambert: Still wanna be a witcher?

TIME SKIP 

Lambert: That all you got, girl?

Coen: Come on, Ciri. Let’s go back. You’ve had enough.

There is also a short scene in the main hall of Kaer Morhen where Coen is shown to be training Ciri alone and says, “Again! Good, eyes up, Again!”

Okay so comparing how Lambert and Coen train Ciri in the show vs the books I honestly don’t see many characterization differences here. Lambert is often played as the asshole aggressor when it comes to Ciri’s training (and although this post is for Coen I could certainly do a Lambert comparison as well). Coen plays the more thoughtful, aware character. In the books, there’s the scene above where Coen is training Ciri. He takes time to answer her questions and explain things out. He doesn’t want to push her farther than she is comfortable with. This is seen in the show too where Coen is almost acting as the voice of reason, telling Ciri that she doesn’t have to continue training if she can’t handle it. And Coen is really the only Witcher who is shown to allow Ciri possible boundaries with training if she wants it. 

Then there’s the scenes where Triss is berating the Witchers for not taking Ciri’s overall well-being into account: 

Blood of Elves Chapter 2: 

“You didn’t even know.” She nodded in what was now a calm, concerned and gentle reproach. “You’re pathetic guardians. She’s ashamed to tell you because she was taught not to mention such complaints to men. And she’s ashamed of the weakness, the pain and the fact that she is less fit. Has any one of you thought about that? Taken any interest in it? Or tried to guess what might be the matter with her? Maybe her very first bleed happened here, in Kaer Morhen? And she cried to herself at night, unable to find any sympathy, consolation or even understanding from anyone? Has any one of you given it any thought whatsoever?”

“Stop it, Triss,” moaned Geralt quietly. “That’s enough. You’ve achieved what you wanted. And maybe even more.”

“The devil take it,” cursed Coën. “We’ve turned out to be right idiots, there’s no two ways about it, eh, Vesemir, and you—”

“Silence,” growled the old witcher. “Not a word.”

S2 E4 Redanian Intelligence: 

Ciri: Triss, when do you think we can get started?

Triss: Today. I was hoping you’d help me in the lab. We can get to know each other. I can show you a few incantations. Get a sense for your potential.

Coen:  …and be a great foal to ride, too. Everard. 

Ciri: Good morning. Did you sleep well? 

Coen: Oh, good morning, Your Highness. 

Lambert: Please tell me you lost a bet. 

Coen:Is that a flower in your hair, girl? 

Lambert: Oh, she’s not joking. You never got my rags that clean.

Coen: Yeah, like you ever wash.

Lambert: I don’t need to, Coen.

Coen: Now that’s funny.

(Ciri walks out)

Coen (referring to Ciri’s flower): Thought it suited her, actually.

Lambert: Sure, if she’s going to a ball.

Geralt: What happened?

Lambert: Oh, nothing. She just got her royal knickers in a twist.

Triss: You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Coen: It’s just a bit of fun.

Triss: For who? You dress her in rags. Keep her bruised as an apple. That is, when she isn’t washing piss-pots or your trousers. Does she even have a chemise? Or soap? Or cloth for when she gets her blood? Though, with those mushrooms you’re feeding her, you’ll ruthlessly deprive her of that before too long. You say you’re mutants. That’s why you don’t understand what people feel. But the truth is, you’re choosing to be ignorant arseholes, aren’t you?

Coen: Triss.

Now again I think that the show carries Coen’s characterization along well here too. In the books, the only Witchers that are immediately apologetic of the way Ciri has been treated are Coen and Eskel. In the show, obviously Eskel isn’t seen in this scene (he’s a little more bark than bite sorry sorry too soon) but Coen in, and just like in the books, he’s the only one to reach out to Triss, the only one who looks apologetic. And in the show they even double down on this, with Coen actually pushing back against Lambert making fun of Ciri’s appearance, saying that the flower looked nice on her. 

Finally, from the books we have the scene where Coen is playing a game with Ciri in the background while the other Witchers discuss Ciri and her future

Blood of Elves Chapter 3 

The enchantress turned her gaze on Ciri. The girl was sitting on a bearskin with Coën, tucked away in the far corner of the hall, and both were busy playing a handslapping game. The game was growing monotonous as both were incredibly quick – neither could manage to slap the other’s hand in any way. This, however, clearly neither mattered to them nor spoiled their game.

...

He fell silent and looked at Ciri who, with a joyful squeal, acknowledged that she had the upper hand in the game. Triss spied a small smile on Coën’s face and was sure he had allowed her to win.”

Triss glanced at Ciri, who was shrilly accusing Coën of cheating. Coën put his arms around her and burst out laughing. The magician suddenly realised that she had never, up until now, heard any of the witchers laugh.

...

Coën approached the table carrying the girl piggy-back.

“Wish everybody goodnight, Ciri,” he said. “Say goodnight to those night owls. We’re going to sleep. It’s nearly midnight. In a minute it’ll be the end of Midinváerne. As of tomorrow, every day brings spring closer!”

S2 E4 Redanian Intelligence:

Ciri: I’m not tired.

Coen: All right, come on, you little rat. I’ll play a few rounds of snaps with you before bed. Maybe I might even let you win.

Ciri: Yeah, you wish! Night, everyone.

Geralt: Good night.

Triss: Good night, Ciri.

Lambert: Night.

Coen: Night, all.

Geralt: Good night.

Coen: So, you think you can beat me, do you?

So I would actually like to sue Netflix for emotional damages because they are cowards who did NOT show me Coen giving Ciri a piggyback ride. Fucking cowards. However, I will admit that they did continue his characterization. Coen is just more lighthearted than the other Witchers. He is the one who is honestly closest to Ciri outside of Geralt and will play games with her and try and make sure she doesn’t hurt herself. He will joe around with her but he knows when to stop. When others see her more as a weapon, Coen still sees her as a child. 

I really appreciate that the show managed to keep the heart of the character, in particular his relationship with Ciri. 

Now, the show did add a few things with Coen that I did not expect. When I originally wrote my Coen Primer, I said this: 

Lambert is short and sharp, he tells Ciri what to do but not how to do it. Coën on the other hand takes time to answer her every question and explain things out. It’s important to understand and Lambert and Coën act as foils and parallels for each other in Blood of Elves. You see two Witchers of the same age but with very different temperaments. 

And I guess that Netflix saw that parallel and decided to give Lambert and Coen really strong amounts of “Old Married Couple” vibes. Here’s some examples from the show: 

S2 E2 Kaer Morhen: 

Coen: Lambchop.

[door slams]

Witcher: Here comes trouble!

Lambert: Where the fuck have you been?

Coen: We thought you got lost.

Lambert:  Or killed.

Geralt: Not yet.

Geralt: Sorry.

...

Lambert: So, there I am, freezing my bollocks off in the middle of a grain field for the second straight night, when the farmer’s wife comes sneaking out to tell me that I’m wasting my time. It wasn’t a mora her husband saw leaving that room. No. It was the fucking field hand! Oh, and now she’s wailing, “Oh, what are we gonna do? My husband won’t pay you if you don’t deliver a mora head!” So I pulled out my sword and I said… “Bet he’ll pay double for the field hand’s.”

Coen: Good old Lambchop.

Lambert: She returned with two horses and a fur rug. Best job I had all year. [chuckles]

Vesemir: Each of your faces is cause enough for celebration. You’re safe. You made it back. You made it home.

Witchers: Aye. Hear, hear!

Coen: Here’s to another winter, together.

...

Lambert: Coen! What’s the difference between a witcher and a heap of shit?

Coen: Well, go on, then.

Lambert: Eventually, the shit will stop smelling. [guffaws]

Coen: That joke’s old as the Conjunction.

Lambert: Well, you tell me one, then, you comedic fuck.

Coen: All right.

Lambert: What do you call a witcher with no brains?

Ciri: Lambert?

[laughs]

Coen: Okay, now she’s funny. Oh, Lambert!

Geralt: When you finish this, get some rest. Ciri.

Lambert: Trouble with the pretty, pretty princess?

Coen: Leave it alone.

Lambert: Why should I? He made his choice. Cost us a brother.

Geralt: That wasn’t our brother. Not by the end of it. And bitterness won’t help us find what killed him.

Lambert: Oh, I know what killed him.

Coen: Leave it alone.

I don’t know why they did it, but I will say I am fully on board the Coenchop train, because Lambert calling Coen Lambchop is the cutest fucking thing ever. 

Now, as far as Coen’s backstory goes the show doesn’t actually say anything about it. 

All we know is that this is not Coen’s first winter at the keep which is different from the book, in the books, Ciri coming to the keep is Coen’s first winter there. 

This is how he was described in Netflix’s Timeline: 

One of the youngest witchers in Kaer Morhen, Coen is easily recognizable by his mismatched eyes. Unlike the stubborn stereotype of a witcher, he is (comparatively) more sensitive and diplomatic than the rest of his kin. Somehow, the years on the Path haven’t yet made him as bitter and outspoken as his brothers. 

Still, Coen enjoys cracking coarse jokes and pulling pranks with his pal Lambert -- jests that often come at the expense of Kaer Morhen’s latest addition, princess Cirilla. The year of Ciri’s arrival brings many unexpected changes to Kaer Morhen. Coen and his fellow witchers would never have guessed that they would spend their winter training a princess, or battling a most unusual leshy.

One thing that the show and books have in common that drives me up the wall is that they are really vague on where Coen is from. Despite popular thought, in the books, Coen is NOT stated to be a Griffin Witcher. All we know is that he is from the north, Poviss. In the show, despite having a Wolf Medallion, he is never described as a Wolf Witcher. There is certainly the interpretation available that Coen lost his medallion and grabbed a Wolf one. It’s not like his medallion is ever described in the books. 

So in both the show and books his school and past is very up to interpretation, but you what? That’s what fandom is for and I love the variety of headcanons about his past. 

Now this is where I am going to end this analysis, if you have stuck around reading this whole thing, congratulations. If you have you have some of your own thoughts to add, please do, I love discussing meta with people.  Coen has always been a character I am interested in but haven’t seen a lot of content for, so If you are a Coen fan, let me know because I would love to get invested with more content of the character. 

Yasen Atour played the character perfectly, and outside of me missing my piggyback scene, I really liked how they portrayed him in the show. 

Also, as a resource, I have compiled a document of all Coen scenes from the show and books, dm me if you’d like access to it either as a writer or a fan or anything! 

[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous) Platinum in the Arknights equivalent of this scene

“Have you thought about how you’re going to maintain your relationship with everyone here at Rhodes Island?” It had meant to be a simple lead-in to a longer conversation starter, but when Platinum saw the brief shocked expression on the Doctor’s face, the rest of that starter fell away. “...What?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing. I have put some thought to it, yes.”

Okay, good to know, but- “You’re sure everything’s alright? You looked like you were going to be sick.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” He cleared his throat. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my physical therapy session with Sideroca. Hold down the fort while I’m gone?”

“I suppose.” Why should she, though? She wasn’t his assistant; no, that would be Blue Poison, who hadn’t been in the office since bringing the Doctor breakfast that morning. Besides, something was off - that look in his eye told her there was an adventure to be had, and dammit all if this Kuranta was going to let herself be robbed of an adventure.

It started with locating Blue to make sure someone would be in the Doctor’s office to cover for him, since Platinum couldn’t. The ex-assassin stopped by the cafeteria, where the Anura was minding the “cake cage” (a glass case covering the baked goods to keep them fresh). “Hey, Blue, the Doctor had to go to his PT thing. He needs you to watch his office.”

“Oh, alright.” She frowned. “Usually his sessions are after work, though. Thank you for letting me know.”

“Right, no problem.” ‘…After work, huh? So he lied to me. Alright, something’s definitely going on. Maybe Sideroca has an idea.’ Meaning the Kuranta now had to find the Forte to sort things out.

The easiest place to find the trainer would have been either a gym or dojo, but strangely, she wasn’t to be found in either; the assassin caught up with her walking out of- wait, the salon? “Morning, Platinum. Need something?”

“The Doctor said he was going to a PT session with you - your hair looks great, by the way - but Blue told me you usually have those in the evening, so…” Platinum did a full-body shrug. “What’s the story?”

“Hm. I’m not sure, but if he’s using me as an excuse to take breaks, I’m going to have to make sure he doesn’t forget what a session feels like. Thanks for warning me. If he’s not staying in his office, try his dorm. Do you know where it is?”

The Kuranta debated on feigning ignorance before nodding. “Yeah.”

“Cool. Good luck.” Sideroca walked around her. “Your hair looks good, too.”

“Thanks.” Not that she didn’t know that already.

The Knight-Killer wound her way through RI’s twisting corridors - something that really shouldn’t have been possible, but the maddening thing about the ship’s structure was that, as simple as it was to get to places near each other, the farther away two rooms were, the more likely one would have to take some sort of side-passage or unusual walkway to get to it. The Doctor’s room was a prime example of this, being isolated from practically every other room and only accessible through a specific hallway. It wasn’t the ideal situation for sneaking in, to say the least.

As Platinum was approaching that hallway, she felt the walls around her heating up; for some reason, his room was nestled near the boilers and heaters, and in colder months, he could work up a sweat just standing in the hallway if he wanted to. Considering they were were hovering around Chernobog in near-winter…’Stupid heaters. Feels like a furnace in he- shit, is that him?’

“-and I’ll make sure you get that payment as soon as the convoy mission comes back.” The Doctor emerged, phone in hand, walking down the corridor. The Kuranta, reluctantly, hid amongst the exposed heating units. “Yeah, that should be in about five hours…Aww, c’mon, you’re really helping me out here. I’d promote you to E3 if I could…Heh. Yeah? Well, I’m headed that way now, so…” He trailed off as he took a turn, finally leaving the straight-line corridor.

“Finally,” she sighed, resuming her journey and flicking sweat off her arms. “If he wasn’t on his phone, I would’ve stopped him. Bet he’s got something in his room that’ll tell me what’s going on, at least.”

The hallway narrowed as the assassin approached the Doctor’s chamber. That didn’t make a lot of sense from a design perspective (perhaps because the ship wasn’t exactly ‘designed’ in the conventional sense…) but didn’t significantly affect her mission either. She might lie about her weight in most of her documentation, but she wasn’t about to get stuck in this corridor, even if the occasional sudden release of steam grazed her arms (fortunately without burning them).

Reaching the door, Platinum typed in the code the Doctor used for his office computer - 264449992. That got her through, meaning she could finally enter the…Doctor’s…room… ”I guess this is why he’s never brought me back here - what a mess! And he leaves his closet open? How un- that’s not a closet.”

“This is definitely not a closet,” the Kuranta mumbled as she descended the staircase she’d found behind the door. The stairs glowed where she stepped, giving her just enough light to see by. A full flight - no, a double flight - of stairs later, and she’d reached the bottom and another keypad. Same password as last time?...No? She stared at the keypad for a minute. “Different password. Shit…Alright, 77733…3.” Ding! The door opened, revealing- a giant computer screen?

“What is this?” The Knight-Killer approached the console, sitting in a chair built into the floor. That woke the machine up, showing yet another password screen. “Another one? How many layers of secrecy could he possibly need? Hmm…I guess this is worth a shot. 75552844466886, and if this isn’t right I’m-”

Access granted. Platinum blushed - to think he’d actu- wait, those were her actual measurements. Hadn’t she blackmailed the honesty out of every Medic she’d visited since arriving here? How’d he get these numbers? And that was her favorite food, and that was her favorite band, and- he knew about that? How? This wasn’t just a personnel file, this was a full biography! On top of all of that, there were details from her Armorless Union days regarding some of the targets she’d eliminated, and even video footage of- nope nope nope, close the tab, CLOSE THE TAB. However he’d obtained that, he was getting punched for it.

If this was just some kind of Special Operations shrine to her, that would have been one thing, but with a little experimenting, the Kuranta found similar files on Every. Single. Operator. Kal’tsit’s file was particularly interesting - she’d have to come back to read through the whole thing, frankly - but in all of it, there were only two notable omissions, and that was the most troubling aspect of it all. Why didn’t Click and Closure have profiles? Unless…

The assassin, after nosing around just a little more to be sure of what she was seeing (and because her curiosity got the best of her), she stood up- just as her phone went off. “Who’s calling- the Doctor? But-”

Lights blazed to life as the structure of the room made itself clear: a straight walkway leading to a small platform where the console was located, floating in a void over a pool of shimmering gray liquid. As Platinum bolted for the door, she heard a *whoosh* behind her, followed by a *splat*, then another, and then a third from ahead of her as wall-mounted turrets (turrets?!) began splattering the walkway with silvery spheres which foamed and grew to fill space. One struck her in the shoulder, and despite appearances, it proved to be distressingly heavy, knocking her off-balance and gluing her to the floor when she fell. More of the immobilization gel encased her, leaving her in a cocoon of condensate.

The Doctor entered the room a few minutes later. “You asked how I planned to keep my relationship with the other Operators, yes?”

“Y-you can’t just spy on people like this!” The Sniper fortunately still had an opening around her face, allowing her to see, to breathe, and most importantly, to berate. “This is immoral! Everyone’s entitled to their secrets!”

“You think you have secrets? Interesting, in the face of what you’ve seen, that you’d believe those still exist.” He didn’t seem bothered by her breaking into his sanctum; if anything, he was smug about it.

She growled at him. Not a sound most Kuranta could make, but she’d learned to for the added intimidation factor. “What are you going to do to me?”

“On the one hand, some people would say you know too much.” He shook his head as he approached, pulling a vial from his jacket. “I, however, think you understand the gravity of the situation. Alerting someone to this stockpile will only lead to Closure triggering the failsafe and relocating the database - after all, you can’t destroy the truth, only that which bears witness to it. Reporting this to Kal’tsit or Amiya will tip my hand, but I don’t have any intentions to use the knowledge against Rhodes Island, only to keep it together. Simply put: this database is a tool, and I don’t plan on allowing anyone to weaponize it.”

“Great speech.”

He chuckled. “It’s not just a speech, Plat - I mean what I’m saying, I really do. We’re a small company waging a war against the very bones of the earth; we need every advantage we can get. That’s why I want you to help me.”

“...What?” The Doctor unstoppered the vial and, now close enough to use it, poured it over the foam cocoon around Platinum. It hardened and weakened to the point she could break out of it, and immediately after she’d done so, her knife was at his throat. “Help you?! Do you know what I know now?”

“I saw every page you visited and how long you looked at each, so yes, I do.” No fear in his eyes - was that moment earlier an act? Had she somehow fallen for a trap?

The Kuranta wasn’t finding the answers in his eyes, no matter how long she stared into them. “Do you…Does that mean all this time, you’ve been two-timing on me?”

“What?” That caught him off-guard. “What do you mean?”

“You have all this footage, all these profiles, and after talking to Blue and Sid on my way here, I can see you have all these people wrapped around your fingers. Is that all I am to you? Another string around your finger to dangle me from like a puppet?” There were tears in her eyes at this point. Those dates they’d been on - the cafes, the amusement parks, the theaters - had any of it been real?

The Doctor slumped where he stood. “Was that…I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know?!” The assassin put her knife away before giving him the punch she’d been waiting to deliver. “How could you not get it?! I hover around you, I ask you out on dates, I flirt with you constantly! That didn’t make it obvious?!”

“I just thought you were trying to set up your eventual assassination attempt.”

No need for any gel, that comment by herself paralyzed her. “You…you thought I’d try to kill you?”

“Y-yeah, I really did.” His mask was crumbling, too, watching her collapse to her knees. “Have I been stringing people along without realizing it?”

“...You know what? Fuck it - I will help you. I’ll make sure you understand EXACTLY what you’ve been doing to us, so you know just what kind of monster you really are.” She tasted bile as she said it, but honestly, at this point, with her feelings an absolute soupy fog, she was relishing a chance to get back at him.

The Doctor knelt down, offering her a hand. “Please. Be as brutal as you want. I need to know.”

“Oh, I will be.” The Kuranta took his hand, a wave of sickening happiness rolling over her as she let him help her to his feet. She glared at him - not through him, like she usually did to people, but inescapably, directly, into him. “I will be.”

[whump-town]

Minimal Loss AU

This is for @hotchley because I've been saying I was going to do this since just about forever and now I finally did it. Is it really that different? No but I like this version more than the original

Warnings: death.

Pairings: no but like if you want it to be Mortch it can be and you don't really have to squint to see it either way

Summary: Minimal Loss (S4, E3) but I made it so much worse because I like misery

In less than five years Derek Morgan has watched the BAU rebuild from nearly the start twice. Watched it dwindle down to just a few creeping agents but this time… Derek’s not sure the resiliency is there. After Boston, the shift had been fairly clear. Gideon lost it. Hotch stepped up. Now Derek can feel the weight of the BAU settling on his shoulders, wonders if this is the panic that Hotch felt. The pressure of the future looming over him, weighing him down. His chest is trapped between hefty boulders waiting for the impending doom of when his bones can no longer sustain the pressure. Is this how it was for Hotch? Holding his breath and waiting for the snap of release? For the weight to settle and find out if this time it would be too much?

The bull pen’s door swings open and Derek looks up, he’s expecting the gloomy presence of Hotch. His slow, anxious movements drawn out in each of his steps. Before he’d just been gloomy but now he seems to drag the weight of the dead behind him. The groaning of chains shackled to his feet-- he’s got the key to unlock the burden but there’s something too familiar in suffering for him to let go. But these steps are too light. Too unburdened to be Hotch.

With a snapping halt, Dave stops at Derek’s desk. They give one another a look they’ve been sharing a little too much as of late. One of them always carrying the next bought of bad news. This time it’s Dave, next it will be Derek. “He failed his gun qualification.” It may not carry the same weight as the other things they’ve had to speak of but it’s no good, it’s still bad.

Derek supposes he should have known this was coming. He’s a profiler but even emotional intelligence doesn’t negate childish hope. Blind faith in one another has gotten them a long way, it’s the foundation of what makes them a unit. Derek assumed it would get them through this too. “Dave,” Derek calls to the other man’s receding back. “How bad is it?” he asks the floor. Unable to look Dave in the eyes and let the older man see just how crushed he is.

Dave pauses, stands with his back to Derek and his feet still attempting to move him forward. He wishes he knew what he could say to make this better. The tension between the team and, even worse so, that which remains Derek and Hotch is thick enough to choke on, makes the air unbearable to breathe and be in. But he doesn’t know what to do. He’s run out of things to say. All he can do is shrug, offer Derek a simple shake of his head.

There’s no going back. For any of them.

------------

Hotch loses his ability to speak clearly, punctually when Benjamin Cyrus targets Emily. His hands start to shake and take a constant flight of motion when he speaks. He’s conscious of their jitters, of the way his own nerves are comprising the mission, but he can’t walk away. A power shift this late into the operation will be disastrous and he won’t put Prentiss and Reid’s lives on the line.

He feels it in his chest before he sees it. His hoarse, powerless scream is swallowed by the crack that shakes the world. By the bomb that upsets his entire life.

He surges forward, guided by cloudy adrenaline. Years of field training have taught him plenty about these scenarios, logically he knows it’s a lost cause. Instinct screams for him to back away from the smoke thrown up in dark, rolling plumes. To get away from where the fire licks out of the building. Yet he moves forward regardless because Reid has overcome too much for all of it to end here. For this to be his final stand.

Arms snag his waist, an instant sharp jerk as he’s pulled backward with more might than which he pushes forward. “No!” he doesn’t recognize the desperate sounds coming out of his mouth. The way he screams Reid’s name into the flames and cries out for Prentiss. “No, let go!” He pushes down against the arms around his belt. “Get the fuck off me, Derek! Get off me!” He manages to throw them both into the dirt and he lands with a breathless thud to the ground, pausing only to his own desperation like a mirror in Derek’s eyes.

This time Derek isn’t fast enough and he’s left panting on the ground, his voice cracking as he yells at his boss’ receding back. All he can do is follow after him.

Dave yells for both of them to stop, italian curses tangled into his frustrated orders.

Derek Morgan hadn’t been there when Adrian Bale bested Gideon and killed their team. Hotch had been preparing the next wave of officers and agents just outside the building. When the bomb went off Gideon thought he was dead. Phoned Derek at the hospital and told him he hadn’t seen Aaron, didn’t know what to expect officers would find. A body, he supposed. But Hotch was alive by some slim miracle. Spent two weeks in the hospital recovering from the shrapnel wounds embedded in his upper torso, from the beating his heart took keeping him alive. Smoke inhalation from laying under burning bits of the building and too many broken bones to be worth remembering. The fact that he had only nearly died set him apart from the others. Nearly wasn’t the same as dead. It could have been worse.

So much worse.

------------

Derek never learned or even worked his way up to forgiving Gideon for what happened that day. He’d lost friends within a blink of an eye and then his best friend slowly over the course of the next year. Ripped to shreds by shrapnel and stitched back together only for Jason Gideon to let the job take and take from Hotch until there was nothing left. Until he could no longer smile. Incapable of joy. Carrying on like a robot.

“Hey,” Derek is stepping into the hall when Hotch gets off the elevator. “You okay, man?” He steps forward to place his hand on Hotch’s elbow but the other man moves too quickly, too fixated on his goal. The material of his suit just passes right by Morgan’s fingers. Hotch just keeps ghosting alone. Not so much as blinking in response.

He wants to be pissed. Derek wants nothing more than to feel something so irrational and so consuming that he can lash out and scream and curse and make a scene like a child so much as these feelings are burned through. But those stones keep adding upon his chest. His body just keeps taking the weight and no release comes.

Hotch is a sharp-shooter.

He’s had tactical training and awards all over his office that demonstrate just how good of a shot he is. Give him a gun and he won’t miss his target. So how does a man like that fail his gun qualifications?

Them. Because of them.

Derek moves his eyes down to the floor the second he sees the outlines of the frames. He’d known where they were headed, Hotch always ends up right back here in this one spot. Staring at their pictures like he can will them back to life. Maybe Derek really is no better than Hotch. Unable to bring himself to look at his best friend’s faces memorialized behind glass picture frames. Smiling for the rest of eternity.

Emily had been in the hall. She’d gone back, from what they could tell, and dragged an injured woman with her down the hall. The other woman was already dead before the explosion took place but Emily never knew when to give up. From the diagram drawn up after the explosion, she was three feet from the door that would have lead her to freedom when Cyrus blew up the compound. Three fucking feet.

Spencer had died immediately. Blood dribbling down his chin and a proud smirk on his lips. Gideon had assured him over the years they worked together that he was just enough like Hotch to be a little too resilient. Said they both had that same sort of strange curiosity mixed with unyielding oddness that made them so unapproachable to other people. Reid’s death had looked like defiance, what he thought was at least one more second of distraction to save his friend. As the hammer of the gun struck Reid knew Hotch would be proud, that Gideon was right. It took balls to argue with Cyrus. To back the leader into a biblical corner but his words had struck a new rebellion: doubt.

Cyrus had leveled his Glock to Ried’s temples and torn his genius brain to shreds.

But Reid had never known strength as he did in that moment.

The bomb didn’t even leave them a body to bury.

Derek looks up at Hotch, keeps his eyes trained on the man’s tear-stained eyes. Lethargically swollen with the tears he never sheds. “Cyrus killed them,” he whispers. “They wouldn’t want this Hotch.”

------------

Emily had never seemed so small. She was several inches shorter than both Hotch and Derek but he’d never noticed just how small she really was. Not until she was still, limply laid in Hotch’s arms as he gently moved her from fallen debris. His tears splashing the soot off of her pale face. A broken doll he holds so carefully.

Derek steps around debris, working around the largest pieces slowly. Lowering his head in defeat at the way the emergency personal look at him, their sympathy burning the lining of his stomach. He’s standing in the middle of it all, a sea of black body bags measuring out each individual failure committed today. Hotch is crouched on the edge of it, uselessly cleaning soot off Emily’s face.

“Hotch..,” Derek sinks down to his knees. Opens his mouth but no words come out, he just looks at his boss. His oldest friend. “She’s gone,” he manages, thickly. “Emily’s dead, Hotch. You have to let her go.”

“We have to go,” Morgan says and he’s not sure he can do much more than repeating the words that other people have been repeating to him. He’s incapable of thinking past just how broken Emily is. He’d just spoken to her. The flashing light and her boot in the window.

Hotch tears his eyes away and up to Morgan. There are tear streaks on his dirty face, “I can’t.” He looks back down at Emily and holds her closer. Daring Morgan to take her away. “She--” the words get caught in his throat. “She didn’t think I trusted her.”

Morgan shakes his head but… he can’t find the words to form condolence. They’d grown to trust one another. Become friends. Surely Hotch knows that. She loved them all, even him.

“I do,” Hotch says. His chest heaves as he pulls in a broken sob. “I trust her.”

Morgan nods his understanding and places a hand on Hotch’s shoulder. “She knows,” he promises. “She knows, man.”

------------

“Dave told me you failed your gun qualification this morning.” Derek isn’t even sure why he leaves the pause in their conversations anymore. Hotch hardly ever speaks. Never reacts to things anymore. Just sort of floats by. He’s not the only ghost in the BAU but he’s the only living one. “It’s not a big deal,” Derek mumbles. Not much is anymore. “You don’t need to go out in the field.” Hotch shouldn’t be anywhere near the field. Not for a long time. Morgan can’t take another Gideon. He can’t watch another friend unravel. He’s tired of losing people.

But that is exactly what’s happening.

Derek looks up and locks eyes with Reid and Prentiss, their unseeing, unmoving eyes. Both funerals had their share of drama. The Ambassador hadn’t come to Emily’s. She’d sent back a letter about being in Moscow, couldn’t get a flight, and informed them not to bother making arrangements for another date. Reid’s mother had slapped Hotch, cursed, and screamed until she was taken away. He’d found this fair punishment, he deserved worse. He couldn’t even act as a pallbearer. He wasn’t even hurt. His hands just haven’t stopped shaking, like the adrenaline never faded out of his system.

“Come on,” Derek mumbles. He turns on his heel and makes for the bullpen, knows from the rustle of fabric Hotch is following closely. His hands tucked deep in his pockets to hide their tremble, his head bowed so no one sees the tears he hasn’t let go. “We’ll be okay,” Morgan tells him, as he holds the bullpens door open. Morgan just needs to work on convincing himself that as much as Hotch.

They’re not but some lies are worth the attempt at making them truths.

[k-s-morgan]

Is there any meta on Jack Crawford in season 3 ? I can't seem to rationalise his actions. First he gets to Hannibal working outside the law, which is fine. Then he gets him but doesn't use the opportunity to kill him, why ? He gives reason that he wants Will to do it, weird. So what does he want - to arrest or kill Hannibal or to get Will to kill him. Is that not an irrational gamble ?

Then in the second half he seeks Will to solve the case, while he knew about his relationship with Hannibal and that he could be triggered by the murder and everything, and finally their plan in the last episode how could he not anticipate that it's bound to fail. Is he that bad a law enforcement officer ? Sorry loaded ask too many questions ! This is just the second rewatch and I am struggling to understand season 3.

I also have questions about season 3 Will which I will ask later after I finish the rewatch.

Not sure about meta, but I do have a personal version of events!

In E3 of S3, Jack says:

Jack: I'm not here for the Monster. Not my house. Not my fire. (I'm here for Will Graham.

Based on this, it is clear that he doesn't intend to go hunt down Hannibal. He's tired; he wants peace, and saving Will is something he thinks he's responsible for after everything that happened. The problem is, Will hasn't come here for vacation - he's looking for Hannibal, and so Jack is thrust back into their world. He meets Pazzi, who's hunting down Hannibal, and then he accidentally becomes a witness to how Hannibal kills him. The fury and the rage come back at this moment, and Jack can't let Hannibal go. He beats him up and tries to kill him - and that's where it's important to analyze what actually happened and what Jack says happened.

Will: You had him, Jack. He was beaten. Why didn't you kill him?

Jack: Maybe I need you to.

It makes sense: Jack craves confirmation that he wasn't wrong about Will and that Will can still be saved by cutting out the part of him that wants to be with Hannibal. But the problem is, Jack did try to kill Hannibal. He beat him and tortured him almost to death, and then he punched him out of the window. The only reason why Hannibal survived was Pazzi's body that he managed to grab in his flight. Jack didn't intend for him to live, and we can see how shocked and almost scared he is to see that Hannibal landed on his feet. We can speculate that Jack could try chasing him down after that, but it's debatable since nothing demonstrates his willingness to let Hannibal go. So, Jack might have found another explanation for Will, but if he could, he would kill Hannibal himself, too.

In the second half of S3, I think Jack became blinded by his need to be right, and the explanation he gave Will in Dolce consumed him. He really, really wants to be correct about Will, to make certain that despite everything, despite the temporary madness, Will is a good guy at heart. That everything Jack risked and lost wasn't in vain. He needs Will to kill Hannibal because it will mean that Will finally made the right choice and proved himself. After 3 years of peace, Jack wants to believe that Will changed. He's married now, after all, he should be over Hannibal.

Jack is shown to be suspicious in these episodes: he can feel that something is off with Will, he voices his doubts directly, he looks hesitant, but his selfish need for righteousness drives him. This is his last gamble, his last attempt to prove to himself that he was right all along. He refuses to believe that Will could have actually conspired with a person who almost killed his family. Yet Jack is wrong again since Will chooses Hannibal - again. So he's standing at the site of destruction and death of those officers silently, knowing that he lost.