#you know i've learned myself to keep certain things to myself bc it really only serve to bring ppl i love down

[bernardisgross]

I'm the kind to think pushing your mental illness on your loved ones can only bring awkward conversations and strain relationships, or worse, worsen the mental state of your friends and family, when they care for you and have their own troubles to take care of, but i also believe it's important to be vocal about your state, how it affects your everyday life and relationships. Maybe i'm lucky to have them but my loved ones understand, each to some extent, what i may be going through, they love me regardless, they don't act different, and they try to help in their own way. I appreciate all that, i love them for that, i'm grateful for them.

And you know what i'm confident when i say it's all a result of not hiding how i feel or why i may sometimes reject them, why i sometimes need to flee and hide, how i can't always explain it, how most of the time, there's not other explanation than "i'm sick". For my friends and sister to simply go "oh they get 'tired' sometimes" and move on, i'm so thankful :3

[gatoraid]

Random, but can I ask why do you love Yut Lung? What made him special? Is there a certain moment in Banana Fish where you know, this will be my favorite character?

P.s I can't believe the mangaka end Yut Lung just like that in the later manga. Are you surprised, too?

This is the perfect ask, YES you can ask me why I love my fave character. <3 This has been sitting in my drafts for a while but since the jp fandom is currently drawing a lot of Yut Lung fanart for the Mid-Autumn Festival, I feel like it's a good time to try answer this.

Yut Lung as a character is just endlessly fascinating to me. He’s the bitchy antagonist, the foil and twisted mirror image of Ash and to a lesser extent Eiji too. He has such delicious relationships with so many of the characters in the story, he's THE fandom bicycle to me.

I love how Yut Lung is full of contradictions. He’s an evil mastermind and seductress pulling at the strings, but he’s also a traumatized 16-year-old kid who misses his mother. He uses his femininity and beauty as a weapon and never fails to bring a fashion moment when going out, yet at home he only ever wears ugly grandpa sweaters.

One of the reasons why I enjoy reading about him so much is that he’s not really a good person. He’s petty and jealous. He’s been having a bad time his whole life and he wants to make it your problem too. Yet at the same time, you see how torn he feels about Shorter's death, how he just wants acceptance and for someone to take care of him. Idk, something about him showing his ugly sides and still being someone who clearly would deserve love and healing just feels so cathartic to me.

And let's not even get started on the gender stuff. I tend to latch on to characters with atypical gender expressions, and Yut Lung is explicitly referred to and viewed as feminine by other characters in the story. Is he someone who's learned to use his perceived femininity to his advantage (the ppl who have compared him to the main character of M Butterfly are so smart), or is this how he actually wants to present? Maybe both? In any case, this aspect of his character has also made him very dear to me.

Also, I actually do know the exact moment I realized Yut Lung would become my fave:

Soo yeah, despite being a fan of the manga for years, it was the anime adaptation that made his character really pop for me. Maybe it was just the right timing for me to vibe with his particular story, or maybe the fact that the anime staff clearly loved him made him stand out even more? His updated character design is just so good! Obviously I love his manga and anime versions equally now, the anime was just the catalyst.

You also asked about Yut Lung's story arc in Yasha. I'm putting the rest after a cut bc of spoilers.

I haven't read Yasha myself, but I've read enough fic and other reports to know the basics of how Yut Lung's life ends in that story. I'm very sad since I just wanted him to keep on living, taking reponsibility for the shitty things he has done. But idk if I can say I'm surprised. Unlike the anime staff, I think it's pretty clear that Akimi Yoshida did not love Yut Lung at all. I feel like she disliked him quite a bit actually, so writing an ending like that for him makes sense in a way sobbbb.

[formulapookie]

ok, so i keep seeing stuff and tbh, it puts me off but i want to give benefit of the doubt.

so. where would YOU have me start on learning how moto gp works. i don't mean shipping. i will go left field with that shit myself, hell, i'm out here in my georgenando canoe. but understanding the sport.

you know, stuck here between should not have to give reasons and fuck it. bestie has bikes. i've watched some stuff. i find it very interesting. i'm not here bc f1 soley. but any time i've watched there is just so much to take in? when i got into f1 i had my friend on msn explaining. holding my hand if you will.

also yes i'm prepared to be labelled a glory hunter as i am inevitably drawn towards the small spanish war criminal. i have a type.

so do you have a primer? links? any news articles that really break it down?

ok so.

I personally got into MotoGP through my best friend who didn't explain a lot to me, just told me to try and get it (he's bad at explaining things)

I tried to read about it on wikipedia first, just to get a general idea of the sport and you know, teams and riders.

I think I can break something down for you, but it's mainly the structure of the sport itself rather than it's story, for that you can ask or read @muxas-world blog because that's where I at first got infos here on tumblr.

SO.

The weekend is structured on three days like F1, we got one Free Practice on Friday and then a Pre-Qualifying session called Practice in which the ten fastest gain direct access to Q2 on Saturday.

Saturday has another round of Free Practice and then Quali, divided in Q1 where the riders out the top ten on the previous day fight for the first two position to access Q2 with the other ten, then it's down to the fastest. After this there's ALWAYS the sprint, unless particularly strange scenarios (extreme weather) and it gives circa half the points of a normal race, it's fully valid for the championship and it DOESN'T determine the day after's grid, it stays the same as the first one.

On Sunday we race. There's no mandatory pit stops in MotoGP, unless it's raining and riders gotta switch to a wet bike, which is very funny cause you see these crazy guys hopping from a bike to another and try to regain positions.

Teams can have wildcards during the season, meaning riders (usually test riders) who replace one of the two official riders for an ENTIRE WEEKEND, not like F1 where it's usually just FP1, and this year they changed rules so that only certain teams can have wildcards, Ducati is completely excluded by it because they're 4 teams combined (as in Ducati gives engine to 4 teams: Ducati Lenovo and Pramac which use a 2024 bike, Gresini and VR46 which use a 2023 bike) and honeslty there was another reason but I currently am fighting sleep to answer you and can't remember

Points are assigned from the 1st to the 15th place, one additional point for the fast lap.

Tows, crashes and show are much more likely to be than in F1, especially crashes are far more frequent, obviously not cause riders are bad, but because it's easier to loose a bike going 360km/h ratehr than a car at that same speed.

Also, here Moto2 and Moto3 hold a higher value than F2 and F3 do in the Formula 1 concept of it all, championships won in those classes ARE COUNTED as championships, so Vale for example, a 9 time World Champion IS NOT 9 times MotoGP world champion, 9 in the championship won together in MotoGP and what back then was 125/250cc (currently Moto 3 and 2, actually with even more cc)

It's important to watch these series cause they really give you and insight on A. how actually crazy these guys are B. how many talents there are out there

sorry I can't really tell you more cause if you wan the history of the sport i'm not the one to talk you well about it, but I hope I helped, also sorry if I don't include links but I don't really know where to get real infos, I just learnt here on tumblr, I recommend you do the same :)

[crimeronan]

re: your empathy posts. As someone who probably has higher than normal empathy (I used to ask people around me how they deal with sympathetic distress in common situations that occur in a job and only got blank stares) you're so valid!! The lionizing of this random subconscious process called empathy is so useless! It says nothing about the person and their values! As your other commenters suggested, people disparaging you may just be trying to boost their own shaky feelings about how their own emotional stability is deeply tied to their people-pleasing tendencies.

If anything, I think learning to function "normally" in society with "empathy" makes you more messed up. I understand this person's distress. I acknowledge it, and know how my actions will make it worse. I make them feel worse anyway, because that's the organizationally approved behavior, causing more pain for both them and myself. All the while I must behave as if I am cheerful and unbothered. Internalizing that hurting others and yourself to achieve your goals is Fine is necessary in order to stay sane. This is counter to everything people say they believe, so lying also has to become a virtue.

Buying kindness from the store seems like a really kind thing to do tbh. I am passing you on the street as I am schlupping over to pick up some callousness.

this last sentence made me giggle a lot. but YEAH!! a lot of this is spot-on to stuff i've been thinking about lately. like, "normal" empathy levels seem to be socially defined as "you care about people and want to help them, but you don't care so much that you'll harm yourself in pursuit of that" and it's all just..... i dunno. so much pathologizing of how we think and feel and whether we're Human (TM) about stuff. it's all so Weird

like..... i keep thinking that my lack of empathy gives me certain advantages in social situations. but in a similar vein to the ppl worried about sounding like tiktok empaths for being hyperempathetic, i worry that this makes me sound like an alpha male influencer writing youtube essays about why emotions make you weak, or whatever.

it's not that emotions make people weak or that having less empathy makes me like, a Cold Logical Calculating Math-Loving Strategist. i'm a writer who focuses solely on character-driven stuff, u probably wouldn't expect that from a stereotypically sociopathic person. part of why i LIKE writing character-driven stuff so much is BECAUSE i've had to actively teach myself how other people think, how they feel, how they struggle, etc

a lack of empathy means i can choose not to get invested in other people's feelings or lives, i don't feel guilty for emotionally disconnecting, i'm not afraid of being disliked. but i still know how to act like a decent human being. there's that one post about how stupid it is not to realize being nice gets people to be nice back, and fuckin. YEAH!! it's astonishing to me to read about cases of """clinical sociopaths""" (who are just people who didn't get the 'pretend you give a shit, moron' memo) manipulating and gaslighting people and whatnot. everyone in the comments will always be like "ooo so scary... they didn't feel bad at ALL... so terrifying that people who don't feel guilt exist..." and i'm like.

IS GUILT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU FROM COMMITTING ATROCITIES???

BLOWS MY MIND. IT'S LIKE..... THE LEFTIST EQUIVALENT OF SAYING EVERYONE WOULD BE MURDERERS IF THEY WERENT SCARED OF GOD. LIKE. YOU ONLY AVOID DOING BAD STUFF BC IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD??????

good LORD. at least having no empathy means i've had to grow my principles organically. oh my GOD.

anyway what brought these thoughts up today was that i was thinking about gansey and luz noceda, since theyre extremely similar characters & on my All Time Faves list. and i've said this before but the things i love about them (the kindness, self-sacrificing shit, anxiety, etc) are things i don't see in myself. but Wish I Did. like i wish i was kinder on the inside than i am.

but i know that i admire ppl with luz and gansey traits both in fiction and in real life. so i simply just..... emulate the luz and gansey actions. not always successfully, esp because i have a temper and very little patience, but like. i try to be kind where i can bc i wish i was someone who tries to be kind when they can. so i'm just going to be. u know??

[wiltkingart]

hey wilt 🌈 been going thru ur account this morning (apologies for possibly spamming ur notifs with likes etc) and I know you get so many of these messages but like. Idk how to communicate to you how incredible your art is. You said somewhere that colour is possibly one of the weakest parts about your art and I was like. Stunned. Bc the way you use colour .... 👀🤯😱🥵🥴🔥🔥🔥 Like. I have somewhat of a background in art history and your work feels like it could really comfortably sit alongside Michaelangelo (also bc he was gay hehe) etc. Like. Idk. Do you realise how incredible your work is???? I'm shaking you. It's literally like. Wow. I mean you must know from the other messages bc the power it has to inspire ppl to read certain media or draw things or even start hrt. Anyway. I'm shocked to my core and forever changed after this morning even tho I've been following you for a long while. I hope this doesn't come across as like patronising (the bit where I ask if you realise how good you are) bc that's not my intention at all I'm just like. In awe and basking in the glow of your brilliance and I have a really complex relationship with making art myself and almost never use colour for many reasons but I feel So inspired to make after looking at your work which is really rare for me. Idk. Your work is joyful, glittering, maddening, hopeful, inspiring, beautiful etc etc etc etc. So much love to you I hope 2023 is being good to you so far 💓💓💓💖💞

not patronizing at all! i actually haven't felt the greatest about my art lately because my health has been hanging onto the edge of a gutter. it can be exhausting to keep fighting back negative thoughts alongside other physical issues. but i know these thoughts aren't true, and i'm hanging in there. through force of will i'm getting through it :') (and starting new meds soon!)

when i say color is my weakest element i mean that it's the part i struggle the most with. i don't have a solid grasp on how it works, so i have to rely on intuition and lately i've been using more references. i feel the most limited by color due to my shaky understanding of it. it takes a lot of time and experimentation with every piece to find something that feels good. but color is a very complex element! and i can only get better thru time and perseverance, and trying to absorb as much information as i can from the refs i use.

i don't think i'll ever have a scientific understanding of color or even enough solid ground to be someone who can make tutorials or explain it to other people. but on the flipside that means i can keep using colors i like even if that means they don't make sense. there's a charm in the unnatural! there's expression in existing outside the rules! as long as i keep taking risks and keep my mind open to learning, and use colors that make me smile, i'll be alright.

thanks for the incredibly kind message, it was very unexpected especially since i haven't posted much art for a long time. i'm hopeful that spring will be a good time for me. well wishes to you and yours, and i hope that creation can become a source of freedom for you rather than complexity. if the rules don't make sense, make your own <3

[bluestrawberry7]

hi! i'm doing a project on the impact and community of tumblr for my media final and was hoping to send out some questions to my mutuals. i would very much appreciate your take on some of these questions.

thank you!

how is tumblr different from other social media platforms?

how has the tumblr community affected you as a person/online presence?

do you feel more inclined to post more personal or private aspects of your life and or opinions on tumblr rather than other apps?

what are your favorite aspects of tumblr?

what are some things that only tumblr bloggers would know/understand?

what would you do if tumblr got shut down?are there certain traditions on tumblr that you think other media sites wouldn't understand? (example being our site wide celebration of the ides of march)

all in all, how has this app changed your perspective on social media, the world, your life, and so on.

hi!! this seems like a cool class

1. it's not addictive and that's a good thing? there was this one post abt it was while back but like tiktok and instagram etc whatever are programmed to hack into your psyche and keep you scrolling as long as possible with their algorithms and dopamine and shit, which is the point of all social media sites in capitalism, like duh to keep you on the app as long as possible. but tumblr sucks at people a social media site and is more just like hanging out with your friends showing posts to each other, so I can open it for a few minutes and scroll or search for things and go down a rabbit hole but there's really no way for me to get absolutely lost in it like other things idk

2. idk that much as a person but it's made me.more comfortable online and stuff bc it's totally anonymous so I can just like what I like and it'll never matter. it was also like my first social media site that I actually interacted with

3. yes and no? I'm not gonna post pictures of myself or like my name or age like I would on Instagram but I also wont worry about people I half-know judging me for reblogging something weird. everyone's just kinda vibing here and doing what they like.

4. the lack of malicious intent by the creators. I know staff has issues it's got ads and shit now and whatever but it definitely feels way more like a fun project that breached containment then some evil capitalistic megacorporation trying to monetize social interaction.

5. the fact that the whole point of the site is to hand around posts like cool rocks and not just like shit for clout. and that there is no such thing as tumblr clout.

6. um. be sad for a bit and move on with my life. it's cool but it's not some incredible force I can't live without I would just like get more active on something less cool

7 lmao goncharov

8. its just a nice little hub of usually cool interesting people I've honestly learned a lot from random textposts by people I'll never meet

good luck on your project!!

[baladric]

for the flash fic, keeping in line with last night's question, thara celehar in the pirate au, like just whatever he's up to, also no pressure to do this if you would need to consult with someone else to do so

okay LISTEN i hope you jive with the idea of thara fleeing the ethuveraz to neighboring celvaz as a result of the wild fucking xenophobia/bigotry that's risen in the ethuveraz after the war that broke out over maia's disappearance, bc i was desperately possessed of the need to play with him accidentally getting tangled up with faeries. also this is long so i'm read more'ing

*

"The trouble is the house," said Colum Walsh. He was a rustic painting of a man, somewhat squat and hardy looking with the odd, rounded ears and brilliantly red hair of the Cel. He was of the age when one's skin begins to yield to life as the earth yields to the long-trod destiny path, and though I found his doddery ebullience and the volume of his voice to be tiring, I still found in myself a certain regret for the incontrovertible evidence of a life of sorrow and stress in this man's newly lined face. He was kind in a way that asked only for listening ears, and had I any power over the ways of the wider world, I would have wished for him a gentler life than it seemed he had lived.

"So you've said," I replied, prompting him as I watched my feet on the uneven path we took through a thin copse of trees. I would have preferred the main thoroughfare, but Mr. Walsh was the concept of hurry made manifest, and so I had permitted him the use of his chosen shortcut from pub to our destination—which was, I saw at a glance through a break in the trees, a cottage of the Celvadeise style, bare stone with a gabled, wood-shingled roof and windows of a thick, untempered glass. From here, I could see that the garden though clearly once carefully cultivated, had sprung its bonds and sprawled into a mess of overgrown mint and rosemary and the odd native creeper.

"You know about brownies, of course," Mr. Walsh said, stepping over a jutting tree root with the unthinking ease of long habit, and crossing thence beyond the edge of the little wood.

"Hearth spirits of a sort," I said, taking a bit more care with the root myself. "Transactional, but loyal."

"Aye," he said. "Though I wouldn't call them spirits, really, if you'll forgive me saying so, mer. Language is tricksy with the Fair Folk, you know—they're so quick to offense, makes you want to be specific, you ken?"

I knew the sort, though I did not say so. Cels, I had learned, were wary of discussion of elves, and the more time I spent beyond the borders of my native Ethuveraz, the deeper my understanding went. It was a cold, tricksome, conditional land when juxtaposed with the heathery moors and rolling green of Celvaz, and its fiery and forthright people.

"Hearth fey, then," I said. "You believe your brownies have turned?"

We had reached the little gate at the edge of the property, and here, Mr. Walsh paused.

"It's the oddest thing," he said, his voice turning thoughtful. "Not unheard of, really, but it takes a foolhardy few months of neglect for one as old as this to go off, and I've not missed a full moon's offering or a solstice gift in... Stones below, it's got to be something like decades."

That was curious, I thought, and drew up beside him to study the house.

Only an hour ago, ensconsced in the warm, dimly lit pub at the center of Bisby Town, he had told me that his house had begun falling apart a little over a month ago. In light of the time frame, I had expected the scruffy garden, of course, perhaps a certain ricketiness of window boxes, a fallen shingle or two.

Colum Walsh's house, however, was on its knees in the creeper. The window sashes sagged apocalyptically, the broad paving stones of the little path rocked and cracked with marauding weeds. Far from the anticipated shedding of shingles were the signs of wood rot in the roof. From just this quick assessment, I guessed with a great deal of concern that the rot had extended into the crossbeams supporting the roof from the inside, and that the structure itself was likely in danger of collapsing in on itself. One window had clearly been covered from the inside with a sheet, for the panes had shattered entirely, and the one on the far side of the peeling sun-yellow door looked to not be far behind it.

Which was to say that it was the sort of disrepair that took years, not a single month.

I did not realize I was being studied in turn until Mr. Walsh spoke, a wry sort of amusement in his voice.

"That bad, huh?"

I cleared my throat, and took a moment to refit my tongue to the rounded burr of Celvadeise; though I had been in the country for nearly three years, I was still not what I would call fluent. It did not help matters that I could feel my Ethuverazhin slipping away under the constancy of this new language—a turn that bothered me far more than I liked—and so I had been taking some care to at least think in my mother tongue. And if I occasionally spoke Ethuverazhin to the cats that tended to find me wherever I was, well, that was nobody's business but my own.

"I can see what has you so worried," I said simply. With a gesture at the gate upon which Mr. Walsh had rested his hand, I continued. "May I see it closer?"

Mr. Walsh lept to action, swinging the gate wide and ushering me through with an excited trickle of words. We walked the perimeter together, him pointing out the myriad damages to structure and property alike while I, maintaining my silence, began ever so gently to expand my senses to the particular frequency of the Fair Folk.

To say it had been a surprise the first time a fairy spoke to me would be understating the matter significantly. For while I am nothing if not accustomed to the communion of spirits outside myself, it had never extended beyond the realm of the dead—and the recently dead, at that. I was not a maza, nor was I anything like the folkloric clairvoyants one used to hear about from the Barizheise sometimes, in the days before the Three Years' War.

I had been in Celvaz only a month, the first time, having talked my way (pantomimed, really, for I had only known a few interrogatives in the native tongue at that point, and, embarrassingly, the word for weasel) into a barter with a moderately forgiving farmer—maintenance work on his dairy barn in exchange for two meals a day and a spot to sleep in the hay loft. It was hard, dreary work, but I had begun to adjust to it and find new patterns to tread through my days.

One of these rituals had been long, rambling walks past the borders of the farmer's land. The rolling hills went gold and purple with the sunset, and though I had never been one for the pastoral, I found in those spare, glowing minutes a kind of peace that had been absent from my life for as long as I could remember.

It was one of those evenings, the sun having just dipped below the horizon, though it still lit the sky with rich godfingers of colors for which I lacked proper names, when I tripped over a hummock of raised earth and toppled right into a faerie's burrow.

What followed was a dizzying flurry of curses I could not even hope to follow in a strange language, the startling prickle of something like static lightning washing over me, and finally, the extraction of a promise—an eventuality against which, I realized later, I had been thoroughly warned already.

You can see me, can hear me, can tread in the shadows I walk—and so you will help me and raise not a fight against me or my kin when we come in the night—or the day, for the Fey don't go away like they say is the way of the ones who burn up in the rays of the great glowing dawn. Oh, don't make that face, you try rhyming all the time, Mer Elf.

And so, to my great humiliation, I found himself to be a cautionary tale: Unwary foreigner pacted in service to the Fey.

And so, here I stood, doing my duty in the laying of my hand against the unreasonably cold stone of the decaying house.

Mr. Walsh prattled in the background, having not yet noticed my stillness, and I pressed all thought of him to the back of my mind as I sank into the immaterial essence of the place that spoke to the long presence of a faerie.

The brownie did not notice me at first, which proved itself a boon, as it gave me time to brace for the cacophony that crashed into me the instant I entered its awareness.

There were no words here, not at first—simply anger and a great deal more of that prickling which I had come to recognize as the particular maz of the Fair Folk. I took care to remain quiescent and let the storm of emotion wash over me, for it was not so different an experience from the communion with a person who had died in rage. And, in time, it passed, and the brownie drew back enough to observe.

I opened my eyes, and there she stood: golden brown skin, dark hair made lush with curls and tufty braids looped with beads and ribbons and tattered bits of lace. As with most Fey I had seen, her eyes were unnervingly large, a startling purple in her heart-shaped face. She grimaced at me in the way of a snarl, a neat rack of jagged teeth, sharp as vinegar.

"Who?" she asked, her voice a crackling thing, full of eons of cookfires stoked high.

Having learned my lesson, I bowed nearly as deeply as I would to the Emperor himself, and said, "I am called Celehar."

Those great eyes narrowed.

"The Witness," she said.

"Yes," I said. "I am here on behalf of the man whose home you share. He would like to know how he can regain your favor, madam."

*

It was not quite like awakening when I came back to myself, but I had no other word for it.

Time had passed in my absence, night settling fully around my ears and a chill creeping through the sturdy wool of my coat. I blinked, and found Mr. Walsh fidgeting from the seat he had taken on the crumbling garden wall. He jolted to his feet when I cleared my throat, his eyes wide, face a pale moon in the darkness.

"Mer Celehar!" he said, hurrying to me with outstretched hands. I allowed him to touch my arm before easing away.

"She doesn't like the milkweed," I said, sounding exactly as thirsty as I was; the single ale I had allowed myself at the pub had been hours ago.

"The... milkweed?" Bafflement was an unflattering look on Mr. Walsh, his eyes bugging out and mouth gaping to show a few missing teeth and the gold of what must have been an extremely costly filling.

"It brought butterflies last year," I said. "Monarchs. Her family has had a feud with their kind for..." I closed my eyes. "Oh, some long stretch of eons. She does not want them to come back."

Mr. Walsh blinked.

"Butterflies," he said.

"Butterflies," I echoed, and after a long pause, we were both helpless to do anything but laugh.

[troglobite]

lsdkfj

i just realized something

i'm constantly like "jfc these other people are so disappointing and frustrating and how am i supposed to work w this if they won't meet me halfway?"

and then in response to myself i'm like "jfc i'm such a fucking asshole. i'm not perfect! i don't do everything right all the time! can't i have some fucking compassion for them not getting it right?"

and that dichotomy of thought has been eating me up inside but i just realized

it happens bc the PROBLEM is that i don't receive FEEDBACK

i cannot judge my own efforts or quality or even just how i AM in the world without feedback

and when ppl don't give me feedback

i have no idea what i'm doing and can only do my best and hope i'm making sense, and i just keep trying the same thing or tons of different things, to the same result/effect

which is MADDENING

so truly whatever other criticisms or complaints i have abt certain interactions or whatever

ultimately

it comes down to the fact that i'm not receiving feedback

AND ALSO

that i feel like i can't TRUST the scant feedback i do get

oh that's nice you think i'm the best dm you've ever had

is that just bc we're friends and i really indulge your playstyle and gave you some fun things to do in a couple sessions?

or is that bc you actually enjoy all the elements? will you tell me if there's something you DON'T enjoy? will you tell me if there's something you WANT that you aren't getting? will you tell me if a session is too long, too short? will you interrupt me for a bathroom break or snack break?

bc currently, nobody does

and it's like

I Cannot Function Like That

I NEED FEEDBACK.

and so without it, i get stuck thinking abt myself and them in these ridiculous circles, trying everything i can, and it's just fruitless! and hopeless!!!!

anyway watching adventuring academy is maybe the best thing i've ever done bc it's so gratifying to hear these kind of niche world famous GMs talk about the same fucking things happening at their tables and how they deal with it and how they've found to communicate abt various things

anyway also just generally in life i need feedback

did i say something kind of stupid and it hurt you? is there something i can do to help w that? is there something i should do or not do in the future?

i would love to know

will i maybe spiral about it for a little while? possibly! but that's my business. that's for me to deal with and learn how to cope with. i'll fucking live.

and if the feedback and info you gave me is true and correct, then the anxiety spirals will stop bc we'll see that it paid off! and we'll all be happier and better off for it!

anyway.

my experience as a dm so far is truly just like

"OH MY FUCKING GOD NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO BE ENTIRELY STRAIGHTFORWARD WITH ME 100% OF THE TIME MORE THAN NOW."

and i'm autistic, so i ALWAYS want that. but dming is like that turned up to a million.

anyway if given the opportunity i'm going to bash this into my fucking players' heads bc i'm tired of all of us fucking suffering

or rather, me DEFINITELY suffering, and the rest of them POSSIBLY suffering, but part of the reason i'm suffering is bc I DON'T FUCKING KNOW IF THEY'RE SUFFERING!!!!!

side note i'm watching this episode of adventuring academy with captions off bc my fingers got fucked up from typing today and i already submitted 22 caption corrections on ONE VIDEO to dropout so i cannot tempt myself by witnessing even more egregious errors that i will desperately want to fix

[perpetualproductions]

Really interesting analysis. I've seen similar things with some backlash on Andre as a character, and yeah, we've so far gotten the least from him in comparison to other characters. And yeah, the shit with his actor, but if you're gonna judge a character, leave the actor out of it unless it's to analyze certain acting choices that's supposed to tell more of the character. Otherwise it's gonna be a lot more difficult to enjoy the show, which would be unfortunate.

(I'm about to go off on my opinions/views on the character, soooo yeah. Don't read if you don't care.)

I personally noticed the whole self medicating thing by episode three. I could be a chicken/egg situation, but at the end of the day I thought it was clear that he (much like others who self medicate) was doing it to help cope with some sort of pain. I really like the idea of the autoimmune parallel. I know a few people who deal with that and I'd actually love to see where they go with that if that's the case. When it comes to Andre as a character tho, he can be a bit 2 Dimensional, which is unfortunate but it made me look deeper.

When I decided to include Andre into one of my fics, it sort of forced me to look at the character more in-depth, cause I really didn't want to keep him 2 Dimensional. I basically had a long discussion with a friend about it and what I basically came up with was this:

Andre is a fundamentally flawed person, who genuinely has a big heart but was never taught how to go about things properly, especially when it comes to relationships. Which causes them to get into trouble a lot. He's a nepo baby so he probably thinks nothing bad can actually happen to him which is why he does dumb reckless shit all the time (like sending Emma into the woods without an actual plan). Etc. and yeah, super douchy things like cheating with your best friend's girlfriend. None of it's an excuse of course, but it is an explanation for these shitty behaviors. He needs to learn that his actions do have consequences and not only for him, but for the people around him. Sometimes he follows that big heart of his too much and forgets to consult his brain. Put the drug use on top of that, his brain isn't fully functioning. He's self-medicating. Whether to push off the constant pressure from his father and by extension the world? Or something else, I'm not quite sure yet. But there is a pain there that he's trying to cope with.

That's awful paraphrased, but I hope you get the idea.

Basically, at the end of the day, I just wish people wouldn't judge or write off a character for something as superficial as "the only memorable thing they did in the first season was a really shitty thing." Or the fact that there simply wasn't much written for them, which makes sense with an 8 episode order and 6 main characters. We got crumbs that will hopefully amount to more in the coming season.

You're allowed to not like a character, or have a least favorite. Andre was my least favorite. But I'm not gonna go bashing him or writing him off bc of that. Just means I get to look more into the character myself and theorize on the type of person they are or why they do the few things they do. But that's just me.

You do you. It's just a show. Enjoy it any way you can. Have fun with it. Fuck other people who tell you how you should feel about it. Simply just feel about it. However that is. And don't be afraid to share your opinions if you got them. Analyze and think deep if that's something you like to do. I know I do. All opinion, no hate.

More importantly, have a good day fellow show lovers 😎👍❤️

On Andre...

So, I've been picking up on a lot of negative feelings towards Andre within the fandom (some warranted, some unwarranted in my opinion). And I think it comes down to two things:

-Andre is probably one of the least developed of the core group in terms of writing.

-Andre's actor (Chance Perdomo) is apparently a problematic wierdo.

I want to focus on the first point however, cuz I'm interested in the character not the actor (Patrick Schwarzeneggar and Claudia Dumit also support Isreal, so I'm choosing to focus my feelings on characters, not the actors if I want to enjoy this show at all).

When I first watched Gen V (before the hyper fixation had kicked in), Chance's performance had been one of my least favourites. I didn't like the weird voice he was doing (turns out he was Brit doing a pretty decent attempt at an "American Jock" type accent) and I thought the actor kept doing a lot of awkward stammers and tics that didn't feel in line with the character (I assumed, that's just how the actor was irl). That is until I watched a cast interview and I learned 2 things:

He is a Brit.

He's actually a very smooth and clear speaker. Which means those mannerisms were an intentional choice by the actor.

Later, once the hyperfixation had truly set in, I was watching a boatload of cast interviews, when I caught a comment underneath one of those videos that totally changed my view of that character and performance during my 4th (maybe 5th) rewatch.

You know how each of the core group's abilities hurts them in some way and thus works as an allegory for some form of personal issue that they are overcoming? i.e.

Marie -> Cutting/Self Harm

Emma -> Eating Disorders

Cate -> Consent

Jordan -> Gender Identity/dysphoria

For a while, I don't really see how Andre's abilities could serve as an allegory for anything. like, yes later on we learn that his powers will cause him damage over time, but that kind of seemed ham-fisted at the last minute, and not really connected to his ability to bend metal.

But back to that one Youtube comment. I can't remember word for word the comment, but to paraphrase, essentially:

The commentor spoke about how they connected to Andre's character a lot because when they were in college, they had developed an auto-immune disease that essentially made them chronically ill.

They talked about being unable to keep up with their peers, while they were supposed to be in their prime physical years, and how much that taxed on their mental health. Constantly feeling left out, constantly self-medicating, and the chronic pain that they just had to grin and bear.

And as soon as I read that, everything I didn't quite understand/connect with in Andre's character suddenly made sense.

What is one of Andre's core personality traits in the group? He's the stoner.

From episode one, there's a scene of him doing drugs in every episode. Cate is constantly asking him if he's high... he's self medicating.

The slow way he talks, the constant blinking and squeezing his face (note the scene when he's yelling at Tek Knight, or after he takes that first hit from Sam, or after he stops the helicopter)... he's in pain.

So many tics and nuances in his behaviour that I initially wrote off, was actually a much more nuanced performance from Chance Perdomo.

And it all coalesces in that final scene when Andre is at Vought tower and learns of his dad's diagnosis. His powers are slowly killing him, making him weaker (like an auto-immune disease. the body attacking itself).

And the doctor asks him if he ever feels light-headed? has he noticed any uncontrollable tics? Andre is hesitant, almost like he's in denial. But you look back at his actions/behaviour throughout the show, and he's been showcasing both those things.

Finally, the scene with the helicopter. Where it's more or less confirmed that Andre's powers are doing to him, exactly what his dad's powers did. I've seen people very critical of that scene. Saying things like, Oh! He's all of a sudden being affected by the use of his powers, but we hadn't seen that previously (which I disagree) and how it seemed "too convenient".

But keep in mind, stopping a decelerating helicopter is the biggest feat of Andre's abilities we'd seen so far in the show. Of course it's going to take a bigger toll on him than all the other times (not to mention he was in pretty big emotional distress. His dad, Cate's betrayal, an attack on the school...). Stress exacerbates illnesses.

The other critique I've seen is, why are Andre's abilities having this affect now? He's supposed to be in his 20s, but his dad made it all the way to his 40s/50s before it was detected... and that's a fair question. I have some theories:

Like certain genetic illnesses, this issue is hereditary. It's not Impossible, that Andre just inherited a stronger ability than his father, and thus stronger blowback on himself.

Andre's chronic drug use might be a chicken or egg situation. Where maybe his chronic drug use exacerbated the damage his abilities were causing him, and as a result he started self-medicating with more drugs, causing a continues cycle of him increasing the damage to himself.

His dad has been shown to have a very stubborn personality (note how he refused to acknowledge when Andre revealed to him the damage their powers were causing them). Perhaps, he had started feeling the symptoms around the same age Andre had, but just kept ignoring it and pushing through up until he reached his limit in his 40s/50s.

Some other reason that writer's haven't revealed yet. The show has been renewed for a second season, and it's obvious these characters have been set up to be integral to the overarching storyline of the boys as a whole. It's entirely possible that there is more potential development for Andre's character in the future, and I think it's fair to give the writers leeway to explore that.

All in all, I just wanted to get my thoughts out about this, and maybe see how everyone else views Andre's character. He seems to be one of the least discussed in the core group, and I feel like his character has a lot of room for more development in the future if the writers approach it correctly.

[saintobio]

Two things: I know most people are upset that y/n hid the rest of her pregnancy from Gojou, but I think it was the right move. All 18 chapters y/n has been shown to be selfless over and over again, and when things officially become too much for her she chooses to be selfish just once for the sake of her and her pregnancy. She protected her baby. It sucks that Gojou suffered and blamed himself, and it sucks that her decision to hide their child will hunt her in sn2. But can we also take a moment to remember that she still has trauma from her first marriage.

2)You probably won’t confirm this, but you said your original ending was for Gojou to attend y/n and Toji’s wedding and it ends in a car crash. Since you’re writing sn2, I take it she won’t marry Toji? At least it’s highly hinted.

Anonymous said

tw. mention of abortion

One thing I've noticed in the replies of the final chapter was that some people were upset that y/n kept and hid the baby, even though that's what some people wanted when we thought she was having an abortion? I get why people would be upset (I am a little upset myself), but I understand why she did it. Gojo was obviously not a good husband to her in the beginning of the relationship, and continued to break her heart because of the whole thing w/ the merger (which was the tipping point). There's only so much a person can take, and she did what she had to do for her & her child at that moment.

Anonymous said

i like looking at other replies to see how others react but i think people are blaming yn way too much.

while i agree that she should not have hid their child from him, you also have to look at it from the perspective of her sister and father. once they learned about satoru’s infidelity, what makes you think they would want him to even be near the child? also, yn still had her condition to think about. i’m also almost certain that her family interfered with satoru trying to reconnect with her bc they know just how weak she is to him. sorry i just hate it when everyone’s pushing so much blame on yn like i get it but please… she wasn’t aware of what he was going through and we already know just how much this will affect her once she finds out.

Anonymous said

What's your thought on yn hiding the kid away from gojo? From the replies it look likes a lot disagree with her choice.

I side with yn. Because girl is happy now and she doesn't deserve the stress of what was going on at the time. She never deserved any of that.

Anonymous said

(If this question is not spoiler-free for SN2 , pls don’t answer) But were there other reasonings for Y/N not to tell Satoru about the baby, besides the obvious unstableness of their relationship? And in my opinion, I’m not too upset w/ Y/N (as of now) bc girl was already physically and mentally dragged around for too long.

There was too much at stake for her and the baby at the time to keep going on whatever train wreck she and Satoru were on, and she has the right to need some proper separation. Did she handle it best for her sake? ….. yeah 🤷🏻‍♀️For Gojo’s? Probably not….

I wonder will her reasonings be enough to salvage their relationship?

Anonymous said

As much as I don’t like mc’s decision to keep munchkin out of gojou’s life, I still think it is a right decision. Imagine her seeing gojou for three years, she wouldn’t have moved on and would not provide mental help for munchkin and same goes to gojou. I really think gojou and mc are soulmates but are not the endgame, hope she married toji.

i’ll stay neutral with my opinion as the author. i also can’t answer questions that have spoilers 😣 but here are my two cents about yn:

yn is capable of making terrible (spiteful even) decisions and her “selfishness” by the end of this series is one way to show that she’s just as flawed of a character as gojo is. her trauma and her plain exhaustion of being in that marriage with gojo was what led her to keep her son away from him thinking that she’s only protecting her child. pretty sure she’s voiced out in the bora bora chapter that the reason she doesn’t wanna get pregnant is bc she doesn’t want her kid to be raised in an environment like the one gojo’s family had. and since gojo was later revealed to be someone she can’t fully trust, she made the choice of raising the baby on her own for awhile.

i do think that lying about the abortion for 3 years is really awful, but more backstory of that will be tackled in sn2. for now i honestly get why people are so conflicted (while i compiled this ask, i’m also compiling the ones that don’t agree with her). it’s interesting to read about all these :)

[swashbucklery]

your post about your taste in actual play (it may have been a while back) struck a chord with me. TAZ was also my entry point, and I also prefer shorter, light-hearted, plot-driven things. It's why I stuck to TAZ, Naddpod and Dimension 20 for a long time. But like you, I got into CR during the whole covid thing. Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming. There's so much of it!

Oh thank you!! Yeah, I'm sort of tiptoeing into the fringes of CR but I don't think I'm ever going to be "in" it bc it's not mathematically possible for me to catch up.

I love the shorter/edited things bc they fit better with my lifestyle but also because that's how I like to DM!!! I have only just recently found a group with more serious/experienced players to join up with (and where I don't have to DM!); in the past most of my D&D play experience was teaching myself the rules as a DM while also teaching friends who were new or new-ish to the game. Starting with media like TAZ Balance as reference like - I love the ways that Griffin incorporated pop culture references but also the way that he ignored certain rules to simplify the game.

From a play perspective, not a media-consumption perspective, D&D is HUGELY overwhelming for new players! I have put together a style of game setup using pre-rolled character sheets that works really well over the years, and I've learned some tips and tricks for which "Level 1" puzzles are most accessible to players that don't know the world and it makes a huge difference. (I ran Waterdeep when it first came out and my players got HUGELY stuck on a puzzle in the pre-game that required one of them to a) have the spell Detect Magic and b) know to cast the spell Detect Magic bc they just had too many things to pay attention to!)

Sometimes fudging puzzles and acknowledging like. Hey, this D&D canon character's name is super hard to both spell and remember, let's just call him Kyle so that we can all keep track of who the fuck he is and focus on having fun, can make for a more playful and enjoyable experience. Especially if we're playing a single-session game or a campaign that can only meet once a month; the goal is never going to be big emotional arcs it's going to be about what sparks joy!

Anon if you are a fan of lighter/less intense D&D actual play, I would highly recommend tracking down some of the Relics & Rarities episodes that Deborah Ann Woll has done. She's one of my FAVOURITE DMs; she's so perceptive and it makes her really gentle with new players, and I love her approach to scaling puzzles/managing complexity to keep her story going.

[seraphiism]

hii kai!! sorry this isnt directly related to ur writing (which i could talk about forever btw. mwah.) but i remember a while ago you mentioning that u studied really hard for ur exams and felt that it paid off!! which is amazing!! i was just wondering, do u have any advice on how to study for such huge exams?? sorry for the random school-related ask, i understand if you dont want to answer!

kai (˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥)(˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥) just kidding just kidding, hello !! nothing to apologize for, i don't mind at all c: i like answering random questions. i'm not very good at explaining how i study but i hope this helps a little !! good luck w your studies!

always start early! it is better to have extra time rather than not enough time. typically i start 2-3 weeks before the exam date and have a set day that i start studying. before this day, i already have my notes typed and printed out

sort out your study material and make a timeline. before i start studying at all, i use a planner and try to divide my notes into sections. so today i'll study half a page, tmmr i'll do another half, etc. that way i can see my pacing as the days go by and make sure i can cover all the material by the exam date. i try to keep it realistic but i always make sure to give myself wiggle room in the event that i don't have enough time one day or i just need a little break and i study less :^)

this is how i format my notes ! i always retype the prof's powerpoints because i will format them a certain way to make it easier for me to learn. this is what mine normally look like! you will eventually figure out your own preference

so !! i literally just rewrite my notes until i learn them, which takes a while, but it has always worked ( granted i actually understand the material and do not rely entirely on memorization only ). for example, i will learn all of hypovolemia, make sure i know all the information listed under it by writing and rehearsing it out loud without looking at my notes. if i can do that, then i'll move onto dehydration and do the same. i'll continue the process until i learn that whole section, but then i'll do a quick review of everything, starting over from hypovolemia -- that way i know i'm retaining instead of just remembering for a quick moment. i also review it the next day to make sure i actually know it, too. that being said ! i review allll the time so when the test comes around, it's easy for me to remember. i will review old info constantly, so if it's been a few days since i learned fluid volume deficits and i can list everything without missing any details, then i will cross it out in pencil -- pencil means i know it pretty well, but just in case, let's review it later for the last time. i will come back to it either that night or the following day after i have learned a new section of my notes, and again-- if i know everything, then i'll cross it out in pen, meaning i 100% know it, no need to review anymore, don't focus on it. this makes it easier for me bc i can see what i've learned for sure, and if i don't know a certain part of it, then it's not crossed out at all! this lets me know what i need to focus on, and if it sticks out, then for some reason i remember it a lot more easily

if i have additional time, i print out another copy of my notes -- if i've learned everything by now and it's all crossed out in pen, then i'll do the exact same thing for this new copy. i'll use a flashcard or smth that covers up part of my notes, jump around the pages and find a random section and review it. i jump around so i know i haven't memorized disease processes and what-not by recalling the order of my notes, so it's rly haphazard and makes me have to kinda dig around for active recollection. this also shows me what i have forgotten and what i need to review again

youtube is always your best friend!! khanacademy is always a great resource, very thorough. if you are studying medical topics, osmosis is also super good. watching videos to reinforce your knowledge or to help you grasp a concept better is always always helpful. these channels like to draw explanations out as well, so if you're a visual learner, it may be beneficial

i recc practice questions as well, too! i personally do not do them very often now, but they can help identify weaknesses, especially if you are provided with rationale

other reccs: » forest : basically a timer on your phone. you can choose which plants to grow and if you exit the app for more than 10 seconds, your tree dies. it's rly cute and basically makes your phone untouchable for however long you choose. i think it costs a few dollars? but if you save up enough coins in the app, you can grow a tree irl the free version is flora, i believe! there is also a browser extension as well c: » pomodoro kitty : customizable pomodoro timer except it's got a cute cat and background you can customize. the cat meows when the timer is done btw, don't get scared like me when tht happens :3c. you can also mute it though i believe » lofi.co : lofi music !! but with an interactive background. you can toggle day/night and noises like rain, traffic, etc » i miss my library / i miss my cafe : ambient library and cafe noises

i hope this helps and it's not super confusing!! i always have trouble explaining how i review notes and what-not and it worries me tht it might seem complex but it's rly not :(. please let me know if you have more questions or smth !! always here to help

[oneandonlysoftie]

Hi dear! I've seen you didn't talk much about Sadistic Beauty these days... What are your thoughts on ending and two side stories? Especially Wookying and Minho's one? Tbh I'm disappointed and disturbed :(

i had to step out of this story bc it was leaving me frustrated, irritated and disappointed not to mention very confused LOL. yep, im still fairly disappointed with where the author went with this. a major conflict that should or could have been in the main story was the whole drama including wookyung fighting with doona to get minho but it was swept under the rug only to return as some after thought as a side story (probably excluding doona).  there was such a great opportunity to finish it in the main story but the author decided that minho had to suffer all of the consequences and everyone else is going scot-free LOL. truly a shame. i wasnt surprised that doona was ending up with haesol, never was into them, still not into them. i have a certain distaste for characters like haesol, he’d be best described as a simp. and i absolutely loathe simps lol. there’s a fine line with being there for someone and being there in hopes that smth more might change, he def wants to date doona and saying that he’s okay with how things are and if they don’t date, is basically a blatant lie to himself. if that was the case, he wouldn’t let her string him along and use him for sex. the feelings he has for her will just be kept in the back, but it will most likely resurface in some way or another. in the long run, it’d hurt him and that’s just not worth the hassle. obv since the writer wanted them to happen, he’s prob gonna get what he wants lol. i def found the whole rivalry btw donna and wookyung in order to get to minho way more fascinating, and wished it was explored more. now, the only thing im happy with is gyerin is probably getting her happy ending with the new girl. she’s also the only one who went “fuck this” once she saw doona wasn’t going to reciprocate her feelings, and im rlly glad she did that. at first, i didnt think much of her, but now, seeing how the story went (lmao), im all for gyerin being happy. and as for wookyung and minho, im interested in how their story will unfold. but i feel so so bad for minho, he was a jerk and an asshole i wont deny that, but he didnt deserve all of the hate and harm he got and still is receiving according to the side story preview. wookyung is still a great and fascinating character, i do like characters like him, but how he was used was just not satisfying. and it seems like there might be a case of stockholm syndrome coming up where he might fall for wookyung. i just wish doona had smth to do with it before she parted ways or she could have helped minho, but yeah. *shrugs* this story left me confused as to what the author is doing, there is wasted potential and opportunities at every corner. the plot goes one way then goes another to end on a weird note. i also think the whole gl, bl stuff was more of a fanservice thing and that’s probably why it’s more of a disjointed story? as in, i feel like the gl and bl stuff should either have been more of a focus and woven into the story or it should have been entirely separate so the author wouldn’t have to shove many things at once and just focus on one or two pairing. one thing i might add for the story is that it felt as if it was trying to make us surprised, but the so called “twists” that happened just made it more confusing and those probably shouldn’t have been there as they don’t add much to the story narrative. back to gyerin, you can see that gyerin and the new girl can have their own separate story from the start (she didn’t have much to do with the primary conflict and could easily have a flashback to doona instead of the whole fanservice lol). the same goes for wookyung and minho as well, and it’d have been perfectly fine. at the end you basically see three pairings, the m/f, the f/f and the m/m. however, we dont even know if minho is into men? so i’m not sure how’s that gonna be considered BL? then again, every pairing could have been in the main story, but it’s not? for some reason??? it feels as if the author wanted their pairings without putting in the effort of making it into the main story, hence the side stories or they just wanted to make it separated without putting too many characters in it. obviously, for wookyung and minho, there’s no way doona wouldn’t have done smth if it was fully explored in the main story, and it might have changed the ending too. there’s multiple ways the story could have gone, but this one was the only conflict that was much more interesting imo, but it wasnt used that much.

gyerin didn’t really have much to do there other than be lesbian fanservice for doona (and the audience, writer and maybe the artist too?), and to be some kind of support for haesol. that’s about it, so i can understand why she’d not have a full blown romance in the main story, but seeing that she keeps reappearing, she still could have her side story integrated into it. lmao i don’t even kno if doona is bi/pan lol or if she just had sex bc she was drunk then did it just for pleasure without being interested in women at all.

EDIT: iirc doona did get aroused seeing gyerin uh doing stuff, so it could be possible that she is interested in women, but maybe only sexually? although i still could be wrong lol and it could just have been a moment of “I’m straight, but horny and u’ll do for now”. she could be in the closet too, who knows.

overall, sadistic beauty had some interesting conflict, some good characters (ill never like haesol lol), good art and the storytelling by this artist is well paced, but the execution and where the story went leaves a sour taste in my mouth. would i recommend this story? absolutely not. it is so frustrating, and for what? i wish i had saved myself this headache from the very start but the art and the fact that doona was a dom was what reeled me in. i only came back to it to see if the writer redeemed their story in some ways, but... well... you saw how that went.  i would follow the artist if i could, their art is beautiful. however, i cannot say the same for the writer. from my exp, it seems that many webtoons have good art, but the writing definitely leaves way more room for improvement. that said, i do hope ppl will learn that in order to make a great comic/webtoon/manga and so on, it is not only about pretty drawings. the story and writing should be up to par with the art. if not, it should be at least close to it. because the art might attract people, but if the story doesn’t resonate, if it doesn’t make much sense, then ppl are bound to leave and drop it. and what is a story, but pretty pictures and nothing substantial in it? nothing, but superficial beauty.

[butterfliesinthenightsky]

hi sweetheart !! may i please req an ateez and bts personality ship ?? my description was SUPER long (I GOT CARRIED AWAY </3) so you can cut my request at the personality part when posting my ship! tysm in advance <3

I’m an ‘03 liner that’s 5’9.5 (basically 5’10) with dark skin, jet black hair (currently in long twists rn!!), and i’m on the curvier side (esp hips and my thighs) !! some of my favorite features are my plump lips (and i have a beauty mark near the inside of my bottom lip!), my long legs (they’re 40.5 inches long and look so good in dresses and skirts <33), my kempt and pretty fingernails, and my eyelashes !!! i’m a virgo (and surprisingly i get along with all the signs, i cant think of a sole zodiac sign i DONT mix well with but i love cancers and virgos <33) ! i’m also an ambivert all the way! i often come off as cold/shy/quiet when meeting new people (one of my closest friends avoided me for a month before meeting me because i looked so intimidating LMAO), but once you get close to me i turn into a goofy (heavy on the goofy im never not laughing) bundle of warmth and love: i will never stop texting them the <3 emoji every morning or buying my friends/s/o their favorite starbucks order when they need a little cheer-me-up. also, lots of people say i’m mature and carry myself well, but around my friends i’m one of the most goofiest people ever (probably bc my face will literally be 😐 one sec and then 🥰 the next second when someone makes me laugh <3)

tysm in advance!!! Have an amazing day/afternoon/evening!

@anpanseok DARLING! I hope you love your ship <3 I'm actually really proud of this one, you'll have to let me know what you think! <3

In ATEEZ, I ship you with one and only demon San!

(I thought you'd like that gif ;) )

Okay, when you were describing all of the things that you would want in the relationship, I thought of San due to how clingy and affectionate he is with the other members of ATEEZ. He is a Cancer, which is good because that is one of the star signs that are compatible with yours. I don't believe that the age difference of four years would be that much of an issue, especially since San acts younger than he is most of the time anyway. I feel like most men are intimidated when their female significant other is tall themselves, but he is tall himself and I feel like the fact that you are taller is kind of one of his favorite things about you? One of his other favorite things about you are your curves, he always puts his hand on your thighs during movie night at the boys' dorm or in the back pocket of your jeans when you two are walking into KQ Entertainment together. When you wear dresses when all of you go out to fancy dinners together, he has to hold himself back because he ADORES you when you wear dresses! You said you're am ambivert, I feel like he relates to that in some form of way, like I feel like there are certain situations where he feels a bit more introverted about. Sometimes Hongjoong has to scold him because he texts you so much, but he can't stay mad at you when you pop into the building with their favorite Starbucks drinks and hand-made lunch boxes for them. Just as you always support his creative endeavors, he always returns it for you tenfold and when you are talking about issues you care deeply about, he gives you his full attention and stares at you lovingly. Not just San, but all of the boys, come to you whenever they are dealing with stress and they just want someone to talk to because you are so amazing at giving advice and supporting them. There was a time when a sasaeng approached you, San, Wooyoung and Jongho when you were doing some late night grocery shopping when another ATINY stopped her, causing an argument and nasty words to be exchanged. Let's just say, you shut that sasaeng down REAL quick when you heard some of the things she said. One day you woke up and found a present that San made for you, a mixtape of all of your favorite songs from all your favorite genres of music, along with a little keychain that had tokens of all of the states you had visited. He wholeheartedly loves you and he makes every effort to support all of your dreams. When he has days off from work, the two of you make a blanket fort in your living room and watch old episodes of Forensic Files and Law & Order: SVU, whilst surrounded by fluffy blankets and a couple of his favorite plushies. His life an idol doesn't afford him much down time, unfortunately, but he always makes time for you and you always have the craziest adventures with not only each other, but all of the other boys as well. Squishy San will want all of the cuddles, have you SEEN how affectionate he is with the other members?! Also, him in all black outfits.... YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. One day he was visiting your apartment and he surprised you with matching beaded pearl bracelets and he never takes it off, not even for performances. The boys don't really think nothing of walking into the bathroom to brush their teeth whilst one of the others is showering, that just comes with their busy schedules and their dorm life. Let's just say this: Mingi wasn't able to look you in the eyes for two weeks because he did just that, not realize that you had snuck in and stayed the night, and were currently going to the bathroom whilst San was in the shower. Your camera roll is not only filled with silly pictures of San that you've captured, but of the most magazine worthy, model pictures you have ever been lucky enough to take. He accepts you for all of your flaws, and helps you to try to work on them, however that may be and you do the same for him.

In summary: You both are simps for each other and I AM HERE FOR IT.

In BTS, I ship you with Namjoon!

Another tall boy for you, I got you! You both are Virgos, but I looked it up worried that two Virgos would clash, and it said that they would be very intuitive with each other and would understand each other! The age gap is quite large, I don't know how okay you are with that? I know everyone has different preferences. He approached you first when he saw you at the mom & pop coffee shop/cafe around the corner from your apartment, and he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Another man who I don't think would be bothered by your curves (men can be shallow dicks), I think that is his favorite thing (same as San) about you. Not even in a sexual way, I feel like his hands would always end up on your butt without him even noticing. Most of the time, one of the other boys will point it out when all of you are hanging out together, and he will be proud that he has a significant other like you, but he almost might become a shy mess about it I feel like. I feel like he can get jealous, just because you are closest to Jungkook in the group and you often pull pranks on the other members together. There is never a shortage of laughs when all of you are together, pure crackhead energy if I've ever seen it, just non stop jokes and banter between all of you. You were able to get time off from work and were actually able to join them (their managers were surprisingly chill about you tagging along? CONFUSION?) on their tour around Europe and you had so many memories. You actually brought along a Polaroid camera that you found in a little store one day when the two of you were shopping, and you ended up having to buy an extra suitcase on the trip because you took LITERAL hundreds of pictures of all of your adventures and the tour shenanigans. He has childish tendencies, I feel like he would love to play Roblox with you? I feel like he would take a very mathematical approach to building things, that's just the vibe I get from him. He often stares at you when you're doing your makeup in the morning, he finds it fascinating and he even asked you to do his makeup for some of his shows. His makeup artists weren't angry, luckily, all of their staffs absolutely adore you two together. He is all up for adventures, I feel like he would chicken out at the idea of skydiving, though lol. You keep stealing his sweaters, which he low-key highkey is SO happy about because he loves the way that you look in them. The size difference is only three or four inches (I've seen people say he's 6 feet, but then others say he's 6 foot 2, WHICH IS IT?!), so it's pretty easy to sneak kisses from him whenever you want them when you're together. If he sees you struggling to stay awake whilst studying, he'll softly close your book and drag you over to your bed for a couple hours so you can take a quick nap to regain the energy. I don't really know his temperament that well, he has to be rather even-tempered to deal with those hooligans he calls the rest of BTS, so I feel like you wouldn't have that many fights. You both are always striving to help each other to be the best versions of each other you can be. You joined the boys on vacation at a lake house and one night you were having dinner and he blushed after you said something cheeky to him, causing you to say to him, "You look like a cute tomato when you blush, my cutie pie." in front of the other members. Needless to say, he turned even more red and the boys teased him mercilessly for the rest of the night. Don't know how the cooking would go (this boy is a DISASTER in the kitchen), but you would have fun learning new dishes. He would brag about getting a dish right, and you quickly praise him but also say, " and that's why you a big ass head.", causing him to die laughing. He is the very definition of a hard worker, and I feel like he would love being praised and doing the same for his significant other, so I'm glad that you said that you liked the words of affirmation love language, because GET READY. He's definitely been buffing up (I SCREAM WHENEVER I SEE PICTURES OF HIM NOWADAYS), so

his hugs would always be the best things, so warm and comforting. Don't know how you feel about children? We've all seen that VLive where this idiot literally bought baby shoes because he thought they were cute, so I think he would definitely want children down the road in your relationship if you were both comfortable with it. Best father and husband award goes to him.

In conclusion: SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMPPPPPPPPPPPP.

[honeyymistt]

[1/2] hey, okay, it's me again. i feel like i'm treating you like an unpaid therapist but idk where to share this and how to get help (this is kinda lengthy, and i do apologise for that)

i think i'm running out of patience for myself on how to live with myself; all my favourite artists and fictional characters experience this same hollow loneliness but they just��� keep going..... despite it all. i'm trying to keep busy with studying but that quickly led to an all-nighter and now i can't fall asleep despite my exhaustion. i think the goals i've had in mind for myself are too high, so i'm just going to spend the next week reading without shame or guilt and try to finally start learning russian. i don't really take care of my physical fitness bc i'm always tired and i feel like all my energy is spent on keeping in check with eating and taking care of my physical hygiene. i have so much time each day and yet at the end of the day i still feel like i did nothing even though i read and studied a lot. i just feel like i'm stagnated, still in my 16-year-old teenage mind bc i spent my youth numbing myself bc i couldn't stand my own thoughts. i havent talked to anyone really, besides my famil, in weeks, and i know loneliness is a common feeling most of us carry with us, but since i'm not very smart and don't know about a lot of things that matter, like history and art, i just feel so inadequate because all these people i look up to, and secretly aspire to be, are fundamentally different from me. they have rich inner lives even in times of despair, they know how to build their own lives in the rubble and just keep on going despite it all. i just feel like a shell of a human being (dramatic i know). i'm also aware that i'm highly privileged and don't have to worry about money and housing, etc. and i'm grateful for that but despite that I just hate myself and I wish I could be someone else and change; I've tried to over the past years but i never make any actual changes in my life? I don't want to die per se, I just don't want to keep on living like this.

[2/2] also, with the looming climate desaster and our world being ruled by capitalism i know a lot of worries and problems stem from that;;;; also i've had this very embarrassing conversation with my family a month ago; i was very drunk and ofc started talking about capitalism, etc. and lgbtq rights. they're very conservative, smart and well-read and i'm just the complete opposite— my point being, bc i feel so desperately lonely i'm trying to have these conversations with the people around me that are obviously only really meant to be had with close pals and not with 60 year olds who only care about the bootstrap theory etc. anyway my grandmother called me out on my bs and said "so what have you done in your life so far?" nothing. i shouldn't complain about other people, politics etc. and the patriarchal, white supremacist strucures around us bc i've never worked a day in my life...... it's just. i know she's right. but like i literally don't know how to hold conversations anymore and can never recall stuff i read accurately so i'm just talking shit the whole time. i'm so desperately trying to get their approval but i'm just not well-read and smart enough. i know being dumb is not the worst thing to be, i'm alive and living in a well-situated area, but it's the only thing i used to define myself with. my parents expected a lot of us as children and i couldn't deliver. so i pretty much forced them to stop pressuring me but i wish they did now. bc then i would be smart, worldly and have a bright future. i'm sorry for the long rambling. i also don't want to ruin your feed by my long asks...... anyway, if you have any advice i would be so glad to hear it. bc i feel like i'm going slightly insane. -💌 sorry for doing this <33 🤠 feel free to just delete this;;;

hi 💌-anon!!!

don't feel bad for sending this in. your long post is going to have a long answer and it ruining my feed is literally the last thing on my mind. if it bothers people, that's on them ;) similarly to the last ask you sent in, i kind of just pulled out a few things that you wrote and decided to give my perspective on it. i hope that reading some of my (very scrambled) thoughts will relax your mind and heart just a little bit. everything will be okay, i promise.

so the first thing that stood out to me was when you mentioned how all of your favorite fictional characters just keep on going when they feel lonely and i know how frustrating that can be because it's so glorified. they just keep going and then boom! things are better, right? i want you to remember that this is fiction and not an accurate representation of how hard the feeling of loneliness actually hits. so try not to compare yourself to your favorite character and beat yourself up if you're not dealing with loneliness as well as they did because everything in fiction is better and easier.

as for feeling exhausted because of the goals you've made for yourself, i know what you mean. i'm such a perfectionist and workaholic (i suffered from such bad burn out this year). i'm learning how to lower them as well. it's good to be ambitious. it's amazing to have big dreams and goals but you have to prepare yourself for setbacks and failure. so from now on, it's decided that you and me, are going to be accountability buddies. no more unrealistic goals and deadlines. i will hold you accountable, you will hold me accountable and we'll improve together 🤍

so you don't know about things like history and art and you claim that these are things that matter. but matter to who? are you genuinely intrigued by these things? if you are, then study it. read about it. ask questions. but if they just matter to your family, then i really don't think you need to know about these things extensively. it's always good to know things generally but if you aren't interested, then don't waste your time learning about it just to please others.

i could be completely wrong, but from what i understood from your message, you feel really lonely and you're starting to feel a bit stuck. you're surrounded by people who are different from you and that sometimes makes you feel suffocated because the conversations you want to have aren't wanted by others. the first thing i noticed in your message is that you repeatedly call yourself stupid or dumb. you need to stop that, okay? if you keep telling that to yourself, it will destroy a lot of opportunities for you. trust me, i know. you will turn down opportunities thinking that you're not smart enough for it but it's not true. you don't need to be smart to have a bright future. you can be creative, you can athletic, you can be selfless, you can be funny. maybe you just need to embrace who you are and trust that you will have a bright future by just being you. i'll tell you something: you don't need to be exactly like your family to have their success. you need a determination and a good work ethic. where do you start? stop underselling your intelligence. believe in yourself!!!

P.S i can tell that you're smart because your vocabulary is out of this world!!! and oh my god, can we talk about your punctuation? like bestie, you're ahead of the game. i also had to google what the bootstrap theory is. you are smarter than you give yourself credit for!!

another thing i would encourage you to do is to avoid "deep" conversations with your family. if your family is very conservative, there are going to be certain topics that they just won't understand and it might make you frustrated or feel misunderstood; it might make you feel more lonely. i would advise you to just stick to more lighthearted conversations with them. it's not that you don't know how to hold conversations, it's just that the people you're talking to aren't the right listeners.

my sweet 💌-anon, times like these are normal! we all feel lonely at times and i know it's tough and it's frustrating and you feel like nothing in your life is going to work out but i promise you, it will. the universe has it's way of doing that. if i could, i would give you the chance to see yourself the way i see you - full of potential, warm-hearted, and so so deserving of a good life filled with love, caring people and success. times are tough, but so are you. you haven't made it this far to only come this far!! remember that i'm here for you every step of the way and you can message me any time you need to. i will never delete it or ignore you. i love talking to you <3

[teawiththegods]

Sometimes i feel like i'm broken because therapy seems to help everyone else and i've never really gotten anything out of it...i always feel like i'm talking to a brick wall or just being told stuff i could've easily found on the internet. It makes me feel bad because i see others have these wonderful success stories and i'm left to figure my own stuff out with a tarot deck. I know i shouldn't compare myself but sometimes it's hard.

Therapy anon again, sorry to send you something so negative. Sometimes i don't feel like i have an outlet because my family follows me on my social media. I hope you're having a good night and i don't mean to bring you down.

Hello, love! The thing you have to remember is that the people you see who have success in therapy very likely didn’t get that success on the first try. I’ve been in and out of therapy since my teen years and only just recently had true success with it and I’m in my 30s.

From my experience there are two key elements to have therapy work for you:

The Therapist: I cant stress enough the importance of finding the right therapist. One you feel comfortable with and you vibe well with, and also one who’s methods actually work for you. Because that’s something a lot of people forget. Therapy doesn’t come in one size fits all. There are many methods to wellness and healing, each therapist specializing in certain ones. One of the reasons therapy didn’t work for me for so long bc most of the therapy I did was just talk therapy. While it was nice to have an outlet every week, I wasn’t encouraged or motivated to work on specific things during my off times. The therapists I ended up seeing recently helped me implement actual methods and develop skills to change my mindset/thought process, heal, and grow as an individual. And a lot of these things I technically already knew but having the support and the accountability actually helped keep me on track! So it’s important to find a therapist who actually provides the support and help you truly need and works for you!

Commitment To Yourself: With the therapist aside, the truth is that therapy gives what you put into it. If you’re not being honest with your therapist or doing the things they ask of you to do, then you’re not going to have a successful experience. When you decide to enter therapy you’re making a commitment to yourself and it’s up to you to uphold that commitment. When I was first in therapy I was not at all honest with my therapists about how I was really feeling. I have a habit of masking my emotions pretending like all is well even tho inside I’m screaming. It was only recently that I realized I was doing this which explained why I didn’t feel like therapy was giving me what I needed. It was because I wasn’t allowing it to. Therapy is the place you are supposed to bare your soul and vomit your emotions all over the place (which is why, going back to the first point, it’s essential you find a therapist you are comfortable with). You can’t heal until it all comes to light, both so your therapist can help you and so you can finally acknowledge the problem. This past time in therapy has been the most successful for me because I went in with the promise to myself to give it my all. To be 100% honest and open with everything and it truly worked. Of course it was also the hardest time in therapy I ever had but the rough roads were well worth it for how I feel now.

I really hope that helped! Unfortunately therapy in itself is a journey and a process. Also kind of trial and error. You learn what works for you, what you need, and what you don’t like. Which is why so many of us who have success stories didn’t get there overnight. It took awhile so try not to get so down about it. You’ll get there eventually but you gotta keep trying.