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sanakiras · 4 months ago

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TIDAL WAVE OF LOVE

PAIRING — choi seungcheol x reader

WORD COUNT — 1.3k

SYNOPSIS — even the strongest of people break sometimes. you’re used to hiding your feelings; your boyfriend is there for you when everything gets too much.

TAGS — angst, self-esteem issues, fear of failure, mc has a bit of a breakdown :(( but also a lil comfort

NOTE — cleaning out the drafts! this is wayyyy shorter than my usual works but i still felt like posting it <3 i had a very stressful semester in uni before the summer break and i came across this video on twt of coups giving wonwoo a little comforting squeeze which i found very endearing sooo that kinda became the inspo for this!

the moment he calls out a greeting to you from his kitchen, you close your eyes for a moment. it would’ve probably been wiser to have gone home instead of his place.

you greet him the same way, hoping he doesn’t hear the crack in your voice.

“how was your day?” he asks you once he’s returned to the living room, giving you a kiss.

you press your lips together. “fine. nothing special.”

the first thing he notices is the lack of eye contact you make with him. you’re also being considerably less touchy with him than usual, which he finds strange.

“everything okay?”

“yeah.” you put up a smile that doesn’t appear genuine in the slightest.

he figures you could just be in a bad mood — but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

he knows for a fact that it’s not with the way you’re trying real hard to hide your face from him. you only do that when you’re upset about something.

“baby, talk to me.”

“about what?”

the response comes out snappier than you meant it to. you two have been together quite a while — so he’s come to know that you tend to get a little colder and distant before the dam breaks.

you look at him so briefly to the point where he’d miss the motion if he blinked. the expression equals a silent apology.

of course he always does his best to give you whatever space you need. that being said, he’s also come to know you get into your own head a lot, and sometimes there’s someone who needs to pull you out of it.

you bite your lip in a pathetic attempt to hold back your tears. “it’s fine, cheol, just let it go.”

“well, i care about you, sweetheart. what’s going on?” he’s persistent but gentle about it. you have a habit of keeping your feelings to yourself and hardly ever letting anything out, which leads to everything just piling up and making things worse.

“i don’t wanna talk about it.”

the lump in your throat begins to rise.

“i can see that, but you’ve clearly got something you need off your chest. are you okay?”

you don’t show anyone when something’s wrong unless they mention it first. and even when they do, you’re hesitant.

it’s an exhausting way to live, but you still choose to do so.

it’s one of the reasons why you hate crying. your glossy eyes always betray you.

then you make — what you consider to be — the mistake of looking into his big, worried eyes once more, and you just completely fall apart in front of him.

the tears begin to flow before you can even comprehend it.

“it’s just—god, i don’t even know why i’m so fucking emotional, i just—” your breath shudders, the mildly angry expression that was previously on your face now nowhere to be found, “everything’s been so stressful recently, and i’m scared i won’t pass my classes, and i feel like such a slow learner compared to everyone else—”

he’s rubbing your back, just allowing you to you let everything out. he keeps quiet.

“i feel fucking fragile. and weak. every little thing is just too much right now. i’m sorry, i feel stupid.”

he lets you cry into his chest as his arms are wrapped around you, one hand softly rubbing the back of your head. “don’t feel stupid, baby. you can vent to me, always.”

the sound of your heavy sobs hurt him, because he feels like you’re always so hard on yourself, but he’s glad you’re releasing them. it’s healthier to let it all out than to keep it in.

“it’s just like i can’t breathe, y’know?” you mutter in the crook of his neck, subconsciously wetting his shirt with your tears, “i can’t take a single break ‘cause i’ll fall behind. i’m so tired. i feel like i’m not even smart enough to take the damn course, let alone pass the fucking test—”

once he feels like you’re about to start hyperventilating, he moves back to let him look at you. “long breaths. you’re okay, just breathe with me.”

he purposefully takes long, deep breaths, counting the seconds out loud to guide you, and it works. your breathing is steadying bit by bit, sobs faltering, melting into soft hiccups and numbness.

with dried tears and a slightly hoarse voice, you let out a sigh. “i just hate feeling so incompetent. for once, i’d love to feel smart. i wanna feel like i’m able to keep up as well as everyone else does, y’know? i’m… i’m procrastinating everything and i don’t know how to change it. it all sucks.”

“it’s not easy, baby. don’t be too hard on yourself.” he presses a swift kiss to your skin, and you hold him tighter, as if he were to slip out of your hold if you didn’t.

“it’s not easy for me. it is for them.”

“there’s nothing wrong with that. would you think differently if someone in your class had to put more effort into passing the course? you wouldn’t, right? because at the end of the day, you both make it to the finish line. that’s what matters.”

deep down, you know he has a point. you put the pressure so high on yourself, yet don’t apply the same logic to your peers.

you don’t really understand why.

“and you say it’s easy for them, but i know for sure that they put more effort into it than you might think. trust me. you’ll get to where you want to be, one way or another. if you take a little longer to do that than a classmate, who cares. it’s your life. i know you’ve worked so hard—” he twirls a strand of your hair between his fingers, “even if you don’t pass that class now, it won’t be the end of the world, and there’ll be another chance. you’ll get there.”

now there’s just a few last tears running down your cheeks. “except i’m worried that i won’t.”

“you will. and once you do, you’ll be happy that you got to that point because you worked hard and deserve that success. if not today, then tomorrow. yeah?”

you take a deep breath, exhaling slowly, the last shudders of your breakdown bubbling to the surface as your heart rate finally slows back to normal. “yeah. thank you.”

to show your gratitude, you give him a hug, which he happily embraces, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“anytime. i’m here for you.”

even the strongest of people break — but they can still pick up the pieces and start over.

do your best (but maybe not sometimes) <3

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

#choi seungcheol x reader #scoups x reader #svt x reader #svthub #seungcheol x reader #scoups fanfic #scoups angst #scoups fluff #choi seungcheol fanfic #choi seungcheol ff #seventeen x reader #seventeen fanfic #svt ff #svt oneshot #svt angst #svt fluff

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blackmoonoracle · 3 months ago

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BLACKMOONORACLE PRESENTS ...

PICK A CARD • OCTOBER PREDICTIONS

P I L E O N E

Soooo, you’ve definitely got a pretty decent release coming in during the month of october. I specifically heard the releasing of a karmic contract, so, I truly love that for you. You could be making a decision about a connection, it definitely feels like a past energy though. Some sort of cycle you’ve experienced with a particular soul over and over again. You put a stop to this though, I feel like you called it like it was. I’m channeling Vultures by Earl Sweatshirt and the beginning of the song literally goes. “I’ve been on the run, that’s why I go harder than you go. Plus I call em how I see em, maybe that’s why I’m all alone.” Season of the Witch is currently playing and it’s the part that goes “you’ve got to pick up every stitch” it feels like an energy of uprooting. I do feel like this pile has a tendency to hold onto people that don’t serve them in any way shape or form. Channeling Serve the Servants by Nirvana, in specific this part stands out:

“I just want you to know that I don't hate you anymore There is nothing I could say that I haven't thought before”

There feels like a specific intention in this pile to remove themselves from relationships that are dragging them down.

Something may be occurring that is causing you to let go of this connection, like something is going to make you realize you’re wasting your time. It’s not like usual either, it’s like this undismissable feeling of disgust and realization.

The mask is being ripped off, and in a very ugly way LOL.

I feel like whatever information you’re going to learn from this situation is actually going to help you develop better self esteem and turn a new leaf. It feels like a sigh of relief, this person possibly made you feel like you weren’t good enough, or were a bad person. I heard “I’m always the problem” and you’re going to realize that you aren’t and never were the problem.

I literally heard “reactive abuse”.

If you’d like to book a personal reading you can always dm me on here or instagram.

P I L E T W O

You guys are making social waves the month of october by setting harsh boundaries and restrictions in place with others. I heard “Look but don’t touch” I feel like there may be some kind of drama going on in october. I did hear workplace, so for some of you this could be career/reputation/workplace related drama and bs bubbling over. I see you taking things into your own hands and very critically thinking about the situation so you can make a solid decision that is balanced and fair. I also heard “in your favor” I feel like whoever this person you have issues with is doesn’t have a very good reputation. It’s almost like this person speaking so negatively of you constantly is really aggravating other people. Especially because you don’t really talk about them at all. You’ve pretty much moved on from whatever this is.

I heard “bitter ex friend” and I also heard “bite the bullet” and I heard something about a poison apple? Someone could have tried to use an apple in some sort of hex or spellwork towards you. It could be also that someone has poisonous intentions of trying to gain access to you and that you are putting that shit to a stop.

I heard scorpio, so this person could be a scorpio. I see you essentially making a judgment on this person socially which is going to cause other people to really see them in a different light. You could also be bringing context or clarity to some kind of situation, you hold missing information or you are a missing link in some way. I also heard complexity, so this situation could be very complex.

This new judgment will teach you to be more selfish with your time and resources so that you can create a genuine balance in your life.

Too much gratitude I heard, which is lowkey crazy? I think that what that means is that essentially sometimes you put shit on a pedestal. There’s a self worth wound being worked out in this situation tbh.

If you’d like to book a personal reading you can always dm me on here or instagram.

P I L E T H R E E

I see a new financial opportunity becoming available in the month of october for you, something unexpected. It could be in something with creation of some kind, doing and creating content possibly even? I see you handling business matters and phone calls of some kind? I heard admin, so some sort of administrative position? I also heard dream job, so for some of you this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity or for others this could be a really solid offer. I also heard high caliber, but I’m also hearing don’t work yourself to death. This group feels very capricorn type of energy, addicted to working, you love making money. I see where you’ve fought long and hard to get into whatever position is being given to you. I see where you’ve lost so much, in search of stability and I feel like you will need to face your shadow of lack and insecurity while in this job position or offer. It almost feels like some of you may try to eject yourself out of the situation because you’re scared or because it feels too good to be true? I feel like this is a good opportunity, but don’t get wrapped up in social liaison I heard. I feel like you have to learn to be comfortable with not fitting in or being like neck deep in a community. You’re meant to be a bit of an outlier at this current point in time because you are learning something new. You’ve already developed the social skills, this is about developing a deeper personal skillset that you can really utilize to drive you to your success.

I see this group really coming to terms with the past, and releasing either the fear of being seen for who you are. I’m also hearing “of being heard” a fear of being perceived for who you really are. You are healing your relationship to yourself, i heard “grotesque” you might be really mean to yourself a lot of the time. Like highkey you are very impatient and cruel to yourself at times and it lowkey sucks for you. I also heard don’t lose sight of what you have, this new opportunity is here for you to milk it for what it has to offer and then dip when things begin to culminate on a deeper scale for you. Some of you could really go through a deep spiritual awakening and learn what happiness truly means to you as a result of this.

If you’d like to book a personal reading you can always dm me on here or instagram

#tarot community #tarot online #tarot reading #pac #pick a card #pick a pile #tarotblr

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nekovmancer · 3 months ago

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erm erm hi is it alr if you do Cole Cassidy x socially awkward reader who has a hard time standing up for themselves, had a bit of a weird day and yadda yadda

pls and thank uu ( ´∀｀)

Cole Cassidy with a socially awkward reader

warnings: very light mentions of low self esteem, reader struggling with their issues etc etc but nothing that may be triggering

a/n: hello, anon! I am so sorry to hear you had a bad day. ): I hope things are better now! So- being someone who is socially awkward and just recently got an autism diagnosis that explained EVERYTHING- let’s just say I was really eager to dive into this one and I may be very, very self-indulgent (and descriptive, oopsie). 100% fluff and sfw, but let me know if you want to spice things up!

Relationships never came smoothly for you, mostly because it takes a hard time figuring out how to actually start them and keep things going without tripping on the stones along the way. Yes, you have a few friends, that are enough, and you are in a relationship with an amazing boyfriend… still, you’re not a social butterfly, and sometimes you find yourself struggling with communication, especially in bigger groups; a plus if there are more strangers than acquaintances

On a daily basis, you like to go by your agenda on your own. If it means work or your spare time, your own company is fine, thanks. It’s not like you hate being surrounded by others, but… ok, crowds make you uncomfortable, but apart from that it’s just a personal preference. Alone, you can concentrate, be inside your own world… let your mind lose a bit from self-consciousness and pre-made conversations to assure you’d succeed this time

People would point you out as weird, and you know they’re right: you’re indeed different. It’s hard to be casted out merely for being who you are, and you do try your best to blend in, make small conversation, mimic what everyone else around you did. Still, you could never leave your own skin to be something else

But in Cole’s eyes, that’s exactly what made you special. You see the world through different colors, and spoke with such a burning passion about your interests, an expert over the small details that no one else would care for, that doesn’t matter if he hasn’t a single clue on what that’s about, he will listen to whatever you have to say and follow along as it’s the most amazing subject brought up through all the existence

“You’ve got such a beautiful brain right there,” during one of your conversations, he would compliment you out of the blue, leaving you speechless as a warm feeling crawls from your neck to your face, spreading through your cheeks. It takes a while for you to absorb his words, in between a few blinks and him sheepishly winking at you. “Don’t know why I’d be surprised. It matches your looks.”

You were astonished to perceive him, a popular figure amongst Overwatch and the whole damn world for sure, was giving you so much attention. On the other hand, you suppose Cole could make small talk of a stone if he wanted to; the cowboy had a charisma bigger than his ego, that’s for sure

But the little things… they’re enormous in meaning; and his actions speak louder than his words. Cole would always choose to sit by your side and bring up the chit chat, asking about your day or what you had for lunch if he wasn’t there with you; and saints save you if your reply is that you hadn’t eaten yet. He’d show interest, and damn! He even begin to read your favorite trilogy because all you did was speak of it nonstop, so he had to check it out by himself to make sure you have a good taste

His company always made you feel appreciated, something you couldn’t bring up on yourself alone; you enjoyed being on your own, but you didn’t enjoy yourself actually. And by the point the things between you start to get more serious than just long talks going on and on about your shared enthusiasms, you’ve already realized there’s nothing wrong with you, nor the way you speak, less who you are

Finally, you’ve stopped trying to change yourself just because it would please anybody, but you. Communication skills may not be your highlight, but was it all? Of course not. You have so much inside of you that must be cherished, instead of blaming yourself because a single conversation went wrong

But that brutal change failed to reach another significant point. You couldn’t stand up for yourself, no matter what. Usually, you just low your head and… let it be, no matter how harsh are the words you’re listening to or how perfectly fit the arguments you construct in your head are, enough to end the term. But the unspoken is cruel as it is, leaving unfair gaps of what could’ve been if you only had the courage to vocalize the damn words

It’s easier said than done, right? Or better: easier imagined than actually said. Anxiety is an overwhelming feeling that tingles under your skin with the mere thought of taking action, three times worse if you’re under pressure or being scolded for something you did. No matter how much you think of a response, it will die right on the tip of your tongue, and leave your mouth tasting like ashes

And when all of it hits you, it’s too much. You just seek your comfortable loneliness to let it out. Though, you’re not so lonely now

“Darlin’, the world won’t end if you speak your mind for once,” Cole was your anchor, keeping you from drifting away, and he never failed from being physically reassuring: embracing you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear or even wiping your tears away if you’re stressed enough to let them out. Despite it, he was the very first to encourage you to fight for yourself, pushing you off the limits of your carefully built comfort zone. “I will be there for ya’ anytime, but I’m sure as hell you don’t need me for it.”

Maybe you don’t, and maybe he’s right… but Cole is also warm, and has an incredibly good chest for you to snuggle your face on and just lay there for hours, nonstop; safe as he soothe your sadness away, as if he was simply shooing a fly from the room

Silence will settle, but not for long. Cole holds on your chin, his thumb caressing the skin as he pushes you gently to stare at him. Something in his eyes gets you out of guard, and your heart fails a beat by the sight of his tenderness, pouring through his expression. “Promise something, would ya’?” you can barely blink as he speaks, a hand running up and down your spine until it abruptly stops as you nod for him to keep going. “You’re the most marvelous being I’ve found in this whole world. Never let anyone make you think you’re less than that.”

#overwatch 2 #cole cassidy #overwatch x reader #cole cassidy x reader #overwatch headcanons #overwatch x you #cole cassidy x you

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lara-cairncross · 1 month ago

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Hi! how are you? I hope fine!

I wanted to know if you could recommend me some Mikey angst fanfics. I feel like I've read them all and at the same time I haven't, hehe.

Love your fairy AU its verry beautyful

(My english is not the best 😅)

heya! i'm glad you like the au :D

I can definitely give u some recommendations for michelangelo fanfics! can't guarantee you haven't read them already, but hopefully a few of them are novel. also gonna tag @roronoacoldbrew, @desterea, and @appleblondie0397, cuz y'all asked for some mikey recs too!

I'm not gonna include all my recs, cuz that would take ages, but I DO have a collection on Ao3 that has like, ~250 entries. and they're 90% mikey-centric, sooooo there's a lot more there! it's linked at the bottom of this post :D

i'll be your detonator -> rottmnt, 4k one-shot, oh my god this fic/series deserves so much more attention. bad future timeline, follows Mikey being THE coolest motherfucker while having several mental breakdowns and arguing with Leo and missing his brothers a lot. the writing style of this author is probably my favorite on this entire list-- like, I would read a novel written like this!!! please read it oh my GOD. and then message me to tell me you read it so I can have somebody to talk about it with I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH

atrophy -> 2012, 36k two-shot. ohhhhh boy this one is NOTHING but angst. follows Mikey reflecting on his life and his relationships with his brothers, right before a suicide attempt. second chapter is his brothers reflecting on their relationships with him as they try to save his life. if I'm being honest, the language is a little too flowery for my taste at certain points? but it's also VERY visceral and graphic, and if you're looking for angst this is literally as angsty as it gets!! like seriously check the tags on this one

1660 days ago -> rottmnt, 4k one-shot human au that isn't exactly mikey-centric?? but basically, follows Donnie's POV after he, Raph, and Leo all die in their family home and stay behind as ghosts. Mikey is a little kid who moves in and is the only one who can see them, and they all begrudgingly adore him. ITS SO CUTE AND IT NEEDS MORE ATTENTION PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

over the rainbow -> 2012 x rottmnt, by @vanillavengeance! I think a lot of people have read their other fic (which is also amazing and definitely recommended), but their most recent one is SO GOOD ALREADY and it deserves more attention. Rise!Mikey opens a portal as a tot, falls straight into the 2012 verse, and gets found by Karai-- so he ends up in the hands of the Foot Clan! SUCH good Mikey angst and the relationship between 2012 Raph and Rise Mikey is absolutely adorable, I love them so much :,) 2012 RAPH IS SUCH A BIG BROTHER AND I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT

house away from home -> 2012, AuDHD Mikey rep!! and also anxiety and self-esteem issues and dysfunctional family activities and swufhehnfenhhjrr HEY I LOVE THIS FIC but it does. hit a little close to home. REALLY WELL WRITTEN AND FANTASTIC EMOTIONAL ANGST THO! and also Woody is here :D completed, but the author has it listed as 3/4 chapters, so don't be scared off by that!

choose wisely (or at all) -> rottmnt, 8k one-shot, turtle tots!!! this one is SO CUTE omg-- basically, Mikey is his brothers' favorite playmate, but because he's so little all three of them just kinda??? make him play whatever they wanna play? LIKE ok it's hard to explain but it's literally just a fic about little kids messing around and how being the youngest sibling sucks and learning to speak up for urself and it's PERFECT. THIS IS MY COMFORT FIC. its sweet its fluffy its (slightly) angsty and i love it dearly!!!!

stalling -> 2012, 1k one-shot. VERY short but pure Mikey angst. he stays behind to fight Shredder to give his human siblings time to escape and warn the other turtles :,)

walk with open hands -> 2012, 10k two-shot by @goodlucktai. Mikey gets his hands on one of Renet's time-traveling clocks after Splinter dies, and jumps around the timeline to try and save him. takes some really cool cues from Rise!Mikey's powers! GOD I CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS FIC ENOUGH. like this altered my brain chemistry the first time I read it.

--actually now that I think about it. basically ANYTHING BY THIS AUTHOR IS AMAZING. so much fantastic 2012 Mikey-centric stuff!!! you do have to go back to their older works, since most of their recent fics have been about Rise Leo-- but it's worth it! a few of my other favorites by them are:

the entire give up the ghost series -> 2012 human au where Donnie dies, Mikey is the only one who can see him, and he becomes a paranormal investigator in college because of it;

problem child -> 2012 human/highschool au that's basically 100k words of the 2012 boys fucking around and being family and overcoming difficulties together and Mikey being the most annoying lovable golden-retriever ray of sunshine to ever exist;

traveling so far to get there -> 2012 one-shot where Mikey and Raph end up in a post-apocalyptic world and just kinda,,, chill? until they don't. idk how to explain it but it's really fun, I love how Mikey and Raph's dynamic is written here :D

either way, we're not alone -> rottmnt, 16k one-shot that takes place over the course of the Kraang invasion in the bad future timeline, all from Mikey's POV. another one that doesn't have NEARLY as many hits as it deserves oh my god-- I love love love fics that take a look at this timeline and how fucked up it was! and this is a rly nice mikey-centric one :)

promise -> rottmnt, 8k two-shot by @dysfunctional-doodle. Listen this author has so many amazing Mikey fics from basically every iteration, BUT. THIS ONE. THIS FIC IN PARTICULAR. IS ABSOLUTELY MY FAVORITE. follows Mikey in the good timeline as he grows his mystic powers, with the caveat that he starts seeing visions of the future. I ain't spoiling anything more than that but GOD plz read this one it makes me insane, and the second chapter??? HEARTBREAKING the angst is 10/10. I also really really love this fic by the same author, so that's another one I recommend checking out if you haven't read it before!

big siblings, big family -> 2012, 2k one-shot. this one's pretty short BUT ITS SO CUTE. Mikey gets sick with a virus that only infects mutants, so all his human siblings get to take care of him-- featuring big brother Casey and big sister April and big sister Karai, and hey. hey what if I screamed. i love this concept so much THOSE ARE HIS BIG SIBLINGS!!! AND HE'S THEIR LITTLE BROTHER!!!! this makes me so happy, not super angsty but Mikey does get REALLY sick so you can count it as hurt/comfort :D

orenjinohana -> rottmnt, currently 120k+ words by @geoblitzz and @urlocalllama!! this fic is SO fucking angsty and delicious and terrifying,,, like I would get sick to my stomach with anxiety whenever a new chapter dropped. Mikey catches the eye of a really dangerous yokai and gets kidnapped, abuse and gaslighting and angst ensue. you gotta be especially careful with the tags/trigger warnings on this one tho-- not gonna spoil too much, but things get dark. this fic isn't complete, but it's reached a very natural end to its first arc in my opinion? so you can finish it without feeling like you've read an incomplete fic :) also check the comment section on every chapter if u wanna see me going insane I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH

the better half of better things -> 2012, 4k one-shot, ITS SO FUCKING CUTE. Mikey and Leo hanging out at 3am, Leo comes out as transfem to Mikey, sibling bonding ensues. this is another author that I LOVE the writing style of, but this time it's more for their humor??? like the comedic timing in their fics is SO GOOD. this fic in particular is my favorite but they've written some really fun Rise ones too! not angsty at all but as the CEO of baja blast duo I needed to include it lmao

wanting, getting, needing -> rottmnt, 2.5k one-shot. Mikey dies saving Leo during the events of the movie, and everything kinda falls apart without him. this one's pretty short but ngl I LOVE this concept, Mikey is always depicted as the heart of the team in every iteration so it's super fun to see what happens when he's no longer there!

remember your mission -> 2012, 60k words. IT'S A FUCKING MIKEY-CENTRIC PACIFIC RIM AU. I love this fic to death. it's got ANGST it's got COMFORT it's got SIBLING BONDING it's got,,,, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. but also the sillies being silly!!! anyway the ending broke me. read this one at ur own risk but like,,, DO ACTUALLY READ IT LMAO and then. once again. yell at me that you did so I can talk to somebody about it. Mikey being able to drift with basically any of his family members??? and the four main boys all being interchangeable because they're just THAT close????? perfection

someone to protect -> 2012, 3k one-shot. Mikey's brothers get turtlenapped during a mission that goes wrong, he gets to be a badass and rescue them, and ends up getting seriously injured in the process. hurt and comfort! yay!

our hearts beat louder (than thunder) -> rottmnt, currently 5k words by @belleyells and still being updated as far as I know! Mikey gets injured during a battle and loses his memory; cue older brothers being worried sick and trying to prevent Mikey from freaking out and being scared of them. I'm so excited to see where this one is going!! it's angsty, but Mikey with memory loss is also just,,, really fun to read about in my opinion ahdhehfhrh

the night at rucker park -> rottmnt, 78k words. Shellshocked fic!!! honestly, one of the few Mikey/Miles fics where I feel like both of them are characterized really accurately? anyway its ~80k words of the two of them falling in love and fucking around and being idiots and-- in Miles' case-- slowly experiencing cellular decay! Yay for angst! I know I keep saying this but GOD I LOVE THIS FIC. IT DESERVES MORE ATTENTION. give it some love plz, it's also one of the only finished Shellshocked multi-chapter fics I could find (coming from somebody who currently has an unfinished multi-chapter Shellshocked fic shhhhhh)

be like your brothers (and never like yourself) -> 2012, 25k words. this is another author who has so many FANTASTIC mikey-centric fics from multiple iterations, but this one is definitely my favorite from them!! Mikey's self-worth is so low that he starts picking up specific traits from each of his brothers in an effort to be more "useful", which. doesn't go very well. very angsty, lots of mikey hurting (emotionally and physically), but also pretty cute at the end! hurt/comfort my beloved mwah <333 I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH something about it itches my brain

feed me poison till i drown -> 2007, 8k one-shot. Leo leaves, everything kinda falls apart, aaaaand Mikey ends up being convinced to join the Foot Clan by Karai! and the eventually his brothers find out and everything goes very terribly wrong. and i love it. the ending is also left up to interpretation, so it's a really cool read! not super angsty, but Karai's mind games leave Mikey as an unreliable narrator, and the breakdown of his relationship with his family is really well done :D plus anything with Karai and Mikey bonding makes me happy sooooooo

trust is earned (not freely given) -> 2007, 2.5k one-shot, from the same author as the previous entry I believe? mikey's brothers slowly realize that something is wrong with him-- they can't read his emotions or his actions anymore, he dodges questions, etc etc. eventually donnie realizes that they fucked up and he doesn't know how to fix it! no real resolution, just angst and dysfunctional families YAY

when you can't sleep at night -> rottmnt, 7k one-shot. follows three separate instances in Mikey's life where he had trouble falling asleep for whatever reason, went to his brothers for help, and got all the sibling love and comfort he deserves :D primarily fluffy but there's definitely some hurt/comfort in here, especially for the part that takes place after the events of the movie! this is another comfort fic for me ahdhehfhher it's just. very cute. and it reminds me SO MUCH of my little brother when he was a toddler SO IT MAKES ME FEEL SAD AND HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME RAHHHHH

so, I guess we all have issues -> 2012, 122k, human au. OH MY GOD. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN EVERYTHING BY THIS AUTHOR IS SOME OF THE BEST SHIT YOU'LL READ IN THIS FANDOM BUT THIS FIC IN PARTICULAR WAS SOOOOO FUCKING GOOD. super fucking angsty, but also a lot of sibling bonding??? technically found family??? basically, the 2012 boys all get reincarnated as humans, but Mikey is the only one who remembers their past lives and the fact that they're siblings. he goes on this whole journey to find out where Leo and Raph and Donnie ended up (kinda? cuz in the end they all sort of come to HIM instead but yknow), and has to convince them of the fact that they were mutant ninja turtles in a past life. so that's fun! also raph is trans and leo has PTSD and donnie is struggling as a child genius AND ITS SO GOOD AND SO ANGSTY AND SO FLUFFY AND ITS COMPLETED SO THERES NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULDNT READ THIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW RAHHHHHH

other fics (specifically mikey-centric) by the same author because i swear to god they're LEGENDARY TO ME:

on the flipside -> rottmnt one-shot where April and the boys get hit with some kind of species-swap spell, and April ends up as a mutant turtle while the boys end up as humans;

exhaust trails through space -> 2012 one-shot where Donnie and Mikey need a fucking vacation from Earth (don't we all), so Donnie gets a spaceship from Bishop and Pb&J duo get to fuck around the cosmos for a few weeks and ignore their problems while actually enjoying each others' company;

(un)reality -> 2012 two-shot where Mikey gets captured by the Kraang during his stint in Dimension X and basically gets brainwashed to the point where he tries to kill his brothers when they finally come for him;

play the fool, pity the fool -> 2012 two-shot with MEGA depressed Mikey, this one in particular is really well written-- his downward spiral into depression, his suicide attempt, and his eventual recovery are all written beautifully and realistically and MMM it's so fucking good;

if i could have it back -> 2012 one-shot human au/apocalypse/zombie au, where Mikey and Donnie get separated from the rest of their family and have to survive long enough to find them again;

these days -> 2012 multichapter, unfinished BUT basically Mikey and Donnie get fed up with the way Leo and Raph are acting after Splinter's death (this fic definitely bashes them a little but it's still a good read), and decide to leave the lair and build their own home away from their dysfunctional family;

division difference -> 2012 multichapter, also sadly unfinished BUT it's about Donnie and Mikey getting separated from Splinter and their brothers as tots and growing up feral-- super intriguing concept, and very well written :DD

the broken and the helper -> rottmnt, 9k words. Mikey playing therapist for literally his whole family except himself and completely burning out. and then his brothers figure that out and talk to him and its all very fluffy and sweet in the end and sometimes that's what i need. not super angsty, but definitely hurt/comfort!

angelo -> rottmnt, 4k one-shot. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MIKEY GETTING THE NICKNAME "ANGELO" FROM LEO BC LEO SEES HIM AS A GUARDIAN ANGEL. baja blast duo fics you have such a special place in my heart (I need more of them) AND THIS ONE IS JUST SO CUTE IM SORRY. a little bit of angst bc of,,,, movie events? but still very cute :)

consuming darkness -> 2012, 68k words. Mikey messes up on a mission and it ends up getting Donnie seriously injured. he gets blamed by his brothers, internalizes it, gets serious with his training and basically becomes this like??? cold-blooded murderer on a revenge mission??? LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN I am. SUCH a lover stories where a character loses/sacrifices everything about their personality to become what they think everyone wants them to be. THIS IS THAT STORY. and then when Raph and Leo realize what's happened to Mikey and have no idea how to "fix" him??? THATS THE GOOD SHIT OH MY GOD. love this fic inject it straight into my veins. on fanfiction.net instead of ao3 (and sadly unfinished), but it's really good for Mikey angst :3

new tricks -> 2012, 3k one-shot, another one from fanfic.net! this one isn't angsty at all, just Mikey and Splinter hanging and bonding together :D I love it though, it's such a cute little fic and very comforting to read ahdhehfhehfhr

no one is alone -> rottmnt, 23k words currently! follows Mikey dealing with everyone's emotional shit after the events of the movie,,,, except his own obviously lmao so he turns to self-harm as a way to relieve stress and anxiety, eventually gets found out, anddddd his brothers help him through recovery :) it's currently unfinished but still being updated as far as I know, and if you want angst, there you go!

temporal differential -> 2012, 7k one-shot. follows Mikey getting stuck in Dimension X for a lot longer than he lets on, and losing hope of his brothers finding him. this one's part of a mini series that kinda revolves around Mikey's time there? and the aftermath? there's a ton of fics that follow this concept but this one isn't tagged very well and doesn't have a lot of hits, so there's a chance you haven't read it if you're looking for new Mikey angst fics to read! plus mikey gets to be smart :333

breakfast for sensei -> 2012, 6.5k one-shot. WHILE WE'RE ON THE TOPIC OF DIMENSION X. this one's about the aftermath!!! AND it has Mikey and Splinter bonding at 3am so I love it so so so dearly. Mikey struggles a lot with nightmares and insomnia after he gets stuck in Dimension X, and eventually opens up to Splinter about his time there and how LONG he was alone and gets some much-needed advice and love. good angst, good comfort, Splinter being a good dad, love love love this one. plus you get a free breakfast recipe! yay!

we'll burn them down -> 2012, 9k one-shot. OKAY LAST ONE ABOUT DIMENSION X I PROMISE. sunset duo focus-- Raph is the first one to figure out that something is off with Mikey, and he's gotta decide how to deal with it! Mikey gets to be a scary badass after surviving alone for so long, Raph gets to be a worried older brother, and Donnie,,,, gets to be there too i guess lmao like i said it's very much a sunset duo fic. enjoy the angst! the hurt/comfort! it's lovely!

empty canvas -> rottmnt, 43k words. I honestly don't remember a lot about this one, BUT Mikey basically takes Leo's place in the prison dimension after opening the portal to get him out?? very very angsty, lots of hurt Mikey! sadly it's unfinished (and it doesn't seem like it'll be updated anytime soon), but what's there definitely qualifies as Mikey angst if that's what you're looking for :) and ofc lots of worried older brothers, which I adore.

--and then ofc, I have a bunch of my own Mikey-centric fics here! I've really only written for Rise so far, but I'm dedicated to mikey angst o7

and like I said, I also have a whole collection on ao3 dedicated just to my favorite TMNT fics! there's genuinely SO MANY MORE I could recommend, but I tried to stick to ones that are older/don't have as many hits?? Kinda?

The rest of my recs would be in this collection! Most are Mikey-centric, but there's a few in there for the other boys too:

for my rottmnt hyperfix | Archive of Our Own

I should warn you though-- I didn't have my collection moderated originally, so people could add their own fics to the collection if they wanted! but then some weirdo Tc*ster ended up adding their shit to it, and I'm pretty sure there's at LEAST one tc*st fic in there somewhere. I've locked it down since then and don't allow outside contributions anymore, but you might wanna filter those tags out :( I contacted ao3 about removing those fics but I never heard anything back. just a warning!!

anyway. hopefully this is helpful for the, like, five people who ALSO feel like they've read every single Mikey fic in existence lmao

#asked and answered #ramblings #fanfic recommendations!#i am obviously completely and utterly normal about this fictional turtle what r u talking about

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derangedanomaly · 7 months ago

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How would the guys comfort an s/o who has really bad self esteem issues and hates themselves? If it isn't too much trouble, hcs for both poly/together and separate? I've been having some sadness lately...

Aww, sure thing pall!

THE BOYS X READER WITH BAD SELF-ESTEEM

SEPERATE:

NIGHTMARE:

He's gonna enjoy the negative feelings you give off

But he's not gonna sit around longer, he loves you too much to just sit around and let the negativity consume you. (Bro's actually LEARNING SOMETHING FROM CHAOS?!)

He's gonna probably like give you whatever your heart desires.

It's his solution to everything to be honest.

He's not some random cheerleader that's cheering people on, or some stuck-up people pleaser like his brother. He's Nightmare. The king of negativity. The embodiment of negativity.

This is all you're probably getting from him. You have to learn to appreciate even the little things with Nightmare.

CHAOS:

He'd know the right words to say whenever you're feeling down. Chaos is probably the biggest empath, so don't be surprised too much.

Chaos would probably say sweet words of encouragement to you.

"Oh buttercup... you're the shiniest light in my life.. how can you ever think such absurdities about yourself?"

He's gonna shower you in compliments, and they never stop coming too! Drowning by his love.

ACE:

Ace would hug you, while whispering how you're the only good thing that happened in his life.

He refuses for you to feel such way about yourself!

Ace doesn't talk much, but he's pretty good with words when he does.

He'll even offer to take his hood off for you! Truly devoted to do anything for you..as long as you're happy.

BLADE:

No one should talk about his partner that way! And that includes you too!

He won't let you continue belittling yourself much further. He's gonna loudly exclaim his love to you, he's gonna list everything he loves about you, he's gonna create a whole freaking PowerPoint presentation!!

And all just to prove a point.

TED:

Ted's a great listener, so he'd listen to you very intently, while y'all are taking care of the forest.

He's honestly a really sad you feel that way.. he doesn't know what to do about this too. He's not good at these emotional moments.

So what does he do? He writes you a love letter...

And when I say a love letter..I mean a love letter. He's gonna pour his heart into writing this.

He just wishes you could see yourself from his eyes.

POLY:

It's a mess. Nightmare refuses to help you any more than buy you anything you want, while Chaos tries to console him on how this is bad, and that he needs to show more interest.

Ace and Blade are too busy arguing over who gets to comfort you- all while Ted hogs your attention, shyly giving you his love letter-

Poly with them all would be pretty chaotic.

#undertale #undertale fandom #sans undertale #chaos sans #undertale au #utmv #utmv au #chaos sans x reader #nightmare sans #nightmare sans x reader #dust sans #dust sans x reader #killer sans #killer sans x reader #horror sans #horror sans x reader

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darkpetal16 · 5 months ago

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Another question for Mafiafell love interest + sirentale sans

How would they help their mc if they were going through a depresive spiral

Depression spirals can be treated differently for everyone. Any long term, good partner would be able to learn how to best handle the spiral for you. So after they’ve been with you long enough, they would do whatever you specifically need to handle your episode.

However in the early stages of a relationship / before you both know what to do, here’s what they would first try. . .

Mafiafell!Wingding (Don)’s reaction would depend on how severe your episode was. If he thought your life was in danger, he’d throw you into the void sedate you. He’d keep you sedated until he was convinced he knew how to handle the situation. He’s not risking your life on his lack of knowledge. If he doesn’t think your life is at risk, then he’d talk things through with you. He’s a persuasive man and is excellent at picking up on subtext. He might be able to find an underlying issue that you hadn’t noticed before.

Mafiafell!Sans (Hit) would buy you things. Whatever you wanted, he’d find a way to get it. He’d take you out on shopping sprees back to back until you were too tired to do anything else. In the back of his head he knows that won’t be a permanent fix, but hopefully it’ll give you both time to find a good solution / fix the underlying problem.

Mafiafell!Papyrus (Boss) would create puzzle dates. He would hand craft and concoct a variety of activities / mysteries for you to solve. They would be made tailored to your strengths and interests. Every time you complete a puzzle he’d praise you, and remind you how much he cares about you. He wants to bolster your self esteem. While going through them, he’d ask you questions, both shallow and insightful as a way to help you process your thoughts. He thinks better when he’s also doing something else, so maybe you’re the same way?

Mafiafell!Asriel (Heir) would switch into pamper mode. He’ll schedule a spa day for the two of you: complete with all your favorite foods, a full body massage, facial, hair, and of course a new set of pajamas to lounge in. As you’re being treated, Chara will be scheduling you an appointment with the family psychiatrist that you’ll be visiting end of day / the next day. Asriel doesn’t know how to treat depression, but he does know professionals who do. If you want him in the appointment with you, he’ll join you. If not, that’s okay he can wait for you. And when you’re finished, the two of you can snuggle in PJs for a job well done.

Siren!Sans (Siren) felt the same way for a long time so he understands. He doesn’t think what he did for himself (murdering the people who hurt him) would make you feel better but he’ll offer it nonetheless. When you say no, he’ll say he was joking but you both know he wasn’t. He’ll tell you jokes to brighten your mood and coo at you. If you’re really upset he’ll sing happy songs for you. Once you’re asleep, he’ll stay up just a little bit later to browse the web on what to do. If it’s a repeat / prolonged issue for you, he’ll take courses in psychology & cognitive therapy so he can figure out how to best help you.

But seriously if you think him eating the people who hurt you would make you feel better. . .

PLAY IF - MAFIAFELL HERE

PLAY IF - SIREN CALL HERE

MASTERLIST HC

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nymph-ette111 · 4 months ago

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hiiiiiii!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) could you do a simon cof x sweet, feminine reader headcannons? made my own headcannons to share with you because ily and i love this prompt(⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

♡ i imagine reader and simon would go out, hes wearing the same crusty ass grey hoodie while shes dressed up all cute and pretty >.<

♡ he reeks of nicotine while she smells like neapolitan marshmallows<3 hes obsessed with her scent. he literally loves using her bodycare/haircare products over his 3 in 1 men shampoo (if he even showers that is) because he'd smell more like her.

♡ she shares absolutely everything of her purchases. she'd do little mini hauls to Simon, showcasing her new pink ballerina flats, sugarbunnies plushie she had to fight a war for in mercari, too faced chocolate bar palette, cute japanese stationary, and a lot of new clothes. Simon loves it. he loves seeing her happy. (may even buy her things he thinks she would love if he didn't have a smoking addiction<3)

♡ she doesnt only share that though she also loves talking his ears off about anything and everything<3 at first he was annoyed with her constant talking but when he spoke of it, she stopped talking so much and he got guilty and missed her overtalking. he tried to bring her spark back in talking and it worked

♡ shes compassionate and kind, understanding his struggles (but not condoning his actions) and helping him to get better. (he really wants to be saved by her but feels that he just cannot.)

♡ he really doesn't get why she's with him. Hes depressed, miserable, and difficult to be with. His low self esteem sometimes gets the best of him and he starts believing that he's not worthy of her, often leaving her on read, missing her calls, and ignoring her. (im sensing attachment issues) reader clutches w communication though :3

♡ they'd explore abandoned buildings. Simon's there to smoke blunts while readers there to get awesome fit pictures<3 they would go a long way travelling and reader the most practical girl you know has her feet hurt from walking on platforms. they either take lots of breaks or Simon just carries her on his back (unlikely)

♡ talk about taking fit pictures, Simon's technically her photographer. She has a blog where she posts fashion and besides the mirror pics, Simon's always the one taking the pictures. He's quite good at it too.

some of these headcannons probably won't work in his time but who cares(⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ) hope this prompt isnt that hard to write for..(⁠ᗒ⁠ᗩ⁠ᗕ⁠)you can always ignore if you want!! thankkkkkk you x3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxox

WARNINGS; MENTIONS OF SMOKING, MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION

AUTHOR'S NOTE; WHOEVER REQUESTED THIS JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU!!! probably inaccurate for both the character and the timeline... listen, I don't know what swedish people were up to in 2012 leave me alone. also not very happy with this, still trying to figure out how to write Simon :3

-he looks comically out of place in your room. just imagine a pastel pink room filled to the brim with cute plushies, shelves full of little trinkets and books, floral bedding and lace curtains. a wall full of movie posters, magazine pages, and little polaroids of your most treasured moments, and then there's a depressed smoke addict.

-you know those videos where it's a boyfriend sleeping in their girlfriend's girly room with a bunch of plushies on top of him? yeah, basically same situation.

-his sleep schedule is fucked up. either he pulls an all nighter or is passed out till 3 pm. when it's one of those times where Simon feels tired, you just let him sleep in your bed whilst you do whatever.

-it's also a great opportunity to gather the perfect pictures for black mailing.

-he just looks so stupid in your room I love him.

-doesn't care about your plushies but will learn to treat them nicely after you yelled at him for 15 minutes straight about how it's unacceptable to throw rilakkuma off the bed just so he could sit down.

-punches the plush when you aren't looking.

-he definitely gives you that pink hello kitty hoodie to wear. or he wears it instead so you two could match. that's probably your idea and he obliges because it's something you love and enjoy.

-really like the idea of him being your personal photographer. he's always the first to leave a like on whatever you post, especially if it's he who took the picture.

-doesn't know anyone besides you. his followings on social media just contain a bunch of his favorite bands and your account.

-a bit sad but I can see him borrowing your money (with permission) to buy cigarettes if his mother refuses to give him any. he wants to buy you stuff you might like but he's too busy spending it on his addiction :(

-he instead draws you your favorite characters so you can put it on the wall alongside your other pictures.

-has never been in the vicinity of a woman without being an awkward shit. moral of the story he doesn't know anything about girls. his knowledge of things is pretty vague, so please don't be surprised if you see him just poking around your vanity and asking a million different questions on what certain products do and why.

-his mother is very happy her son finally found a girlfriend. she approves of you and thinks you're an absolute sweetheart. always asks Simon when you will visit them again.

-you two definitely earn a few stares in public because how did such a sweet and pretty girl end up with a guy like Simon.

-it pisses him off endlessly but can't help his thoughts and feelings. thinks he doesn't deserve you or any of the kind shit you do for him.

-like nonnie said, he probably isn't the greatest boyfriend... there are times where he cancels your hang-outs without further explanation or simply doesn't acknowledge any of your calls and messages. he feels pretty shitty after it and apologizes for his behavior. you forgive him even though you both know he'll do it again.

-he is low-key obsessed with your smell, he smothers anything you have in the shower all over his body without caring what it's for, just simply reads the labels and puts it on... with big amounts. this man is making you go bankrupt. you could literally see the outline of his fingers left in the product..

-his camera is full of pictures of you, he likes looking at them when he feels down. which is pretty often.

-shows you all of his favorite places in Stockholm or even Kirkvile (where does this man live I don't get it) ones that aren't usually full of people, just overly adventurous teenagers from time to time. something tells you that you two have trespassed into private property multiple times but Simon doesn't want to answer that question clearly.

-ugh imagine clipping cute little hair clips into Simon's hair and he just lets you do whatever you want because if you're happy then he is happy and he wants to see you smile :(

-in exchange, you let him do corpse paint on your face.

#♡⁠˖⁠꒰nymphette writes #cry of fear #cof #simon henriksson #simon henriksson x reader #cof simon #cof simon x reader #x reader #headcanons #cry of fear headcanons

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wayfayrr · 8 months ago

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Hey there, I wondered if Tears ever gets insecure about his arm, scars or possibly even his height. Like I find his height absolutely perfect and adorable but he is smaller than most other people and it might bother him?

So I've been wondering how he acts when insecure and what would be a good way to comfort him. I would just hold him and try to convince him of all the good qualities he has. As well as petting through his hair. Making him feel loved and secure. And honestly an extraordinary arm isn't that bad, it doesn't affect who he is after all.

I wonder if that would help or he'd need some other form of comfort. Or maybe to be left alone. Anything from an answer to hc's to a short story or even deletion is fine! If you even have time and are willing that is!

Have a great day! <3

I absolutely loved this request, thank you so much for it - I've gone with three different possible scenarios for why he could be dealing with feeling insecure and some headcanons for how you could help him feel better about himself after each one <3 There is one major one I left out but the issue regarding his memories will definitely be explored some time soon!

honestly exploring tears is just so fun, it's nice tearing into his different layers :3c headcanons under the cut!

[masterlist]

due to his prosthetic

✦ This is the easiest of his insecurities to deal with, as it only really tends to show itself when his phantom pains act up.

✦ he’s long used to having lost his arm by the point that you meet, having had to figure out a replacement for when Rauru’s arm faded after his second quest was over.

✦ despite that though he still isn’t used to the ricocheting pain he gets once every so often, less now than when he was first still drowned in gloom but still just as debilitating.

✦ He just needs to taken away from other people and shown affection, reassured that his is a benefit rather than something people only pity him for.

✦ it’s all he really needs in those moments of vulnerability, when he can feel the flesh being shredded from his none existent bone.

“Wouldn't it be better if there was some way to just have my arm go back to how it should be? That way I wouldn’t be such a burden when he decides to haunt me again.” “Sherbert whatever do you mean? You aren’t a burden for this, why even consider it?” “The whole group has had to come to a stop just because of this stupid pain and I know you’ve seen time getting pissed off with me for the things I can do with it.” “Time’s just an old man who’s worried about your safety, he means no harm with it. Wars got the rest to come to a stop for the same reason, not because you’re a burden, but because we care for you.” “But If my arm wasn’-” “Your arm is part of who you are. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, I love you for you Li, don’t even waste your energy thinking otherwise.”

✦ another way to help him through these patches is more to do with also indulging his love for learning about your home, or well more to the point - stickers. Giving him ones with meaning and that he thinks are pretty help him to work his confidence back. Because it wouldn't be possible without his arm!

due to his height

✦ This comes out even rarer than his doubts about his arm, and only due to a very specific scenario and that’s if you’re talking about Earth's beauty standards - how taller people are often seen as more attractive.

✦ If you aren’t quick to say otherwise he’s going to assume that’s what you think too, it’s going to do a real number on his self esteem - because the thing is, he never really cares about what other people think about him, it simply doesn’t even register as something he should be worried about before he met you outside of the memory issue but that’s a whole other thing

✦ this is the first time that something that REALLY has never been an issue for him becomes a big problem, if you aren’t aware of why he’s feeling like this then the sudden shift will come as a surprise. As he starts to avoid you and tear up whenever you see him before leaving. The rest of the chain mention that they’ve seen him tinkering with things but no one has seen exactly what it is.

✦ the reason it came up was possibly from another member of the chains jealousy of how close the two of you were before this, or simply another villager trying to get you to go with them ‘because why wouldn’ t you want a tall handsome guy?

✦ the sooner you can catch on and comfort him the better, as it’ll give it less time to get stuck in his head that you aren’t comforting him because it’s true, and it’s harder to tell himself that it isn’t while you’re pretty much confirming it

✦ but when you finally do get through to him that you don’t care about his height? That you aren’t secretly judging him for being so short? He’ll have a little moment where he breaks down, he’s been avoiding you for so long… and for what? All that time with you he’s missed over such a ridiculous reason will haunt him for at least a few days.

“Tears? Link what are you doing? You’ve been avoiding me for nearly a week now. And - are those?” “I, no I haven’t been ‘avoiding’ you, just, I’ve just been busy… yeah.” “Were you just making those stilts this whole time? Is that why you’ve blanked me, seriously?” “I just - I, that - in the village.” “Hey, hey lilac there’s no need to cry love, I’m not angry, I’ve just missed you. You don’t have to tell me why, it’s just worried me.” “It - that guy, what he said - I just, wouldn’t you prefer someone taller?” “Well someone taller wouldn’t be you love. And I couldn’t even imagine being with someone else.” “R-really?” “Really darling.”

✦ he'll be impossibly clingy and almost showy after the fact, to the point where other people start getting concerned about how close he's getting - but it's not like he's hurt anyone else over it yet but if the villager who planted the idea in his head ever appears again then, well who would blame him..?

due to his sexuality (haha demiromantic asexual tears hc stepping innn)

✦ This is a bit more of a unique one, because it isn’t something he’s had to put all that much thought into before, it’s just never come up, but when he hears how some of the others talk about relationships he starts to have doubts about himself.

✦ He simply doesn’t feel things that the others have described and the things that he has felt happened so much slower than how they said it did for them. He simply can’t help but question if there was- is something wrong with him.

✦ He only started to fall when he was good friends with you, not the instant connection that he heard that time had with malon, or twi with midna. He doesn’t want you the person who he loves more than his own life to be with someone who he’s starting to think as so broken. If he can’t feel love ‘right’ then how could he hope to treat you right?

✦ If he learns about this being normal, about the fact that other people share the same things as him, that he has flags that can use to show off his identity? It’s the biggest relief that he’s felt since meeting someone who treated him like a person.

✦ once he’s gotten it through his head that he’s not broken, and that he doesn’t need to be worried about not being enough for you. You accept him for what he is and aren’t trying to make him change. It’s something he very very rarely gets to experience, and it definitely helps him feel even closer to you in the end

✦ some of the biggest comfort he gets is you just accepting him and letting his feelings progress at his natural rate, it’s one of the best things he could have hoped for.

#hehe silly boyyyy #love himbbb #linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe #link x reader #yandere link #lu tears #totk x reader #totk link #loz x reader #moss✦writes

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fatkish · 6 months ago

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Could you do pro heroes x teen child reader who has to take some temporary medicine which caused them to gain some weight? As long as they are taking It, their weight isn't budging which is affecting their self esteem, and thus have taken to extreme dieting and how they comfort her? (Best Jeanist and Aizawa)

Aizawa & Best Jeanist x Teen Reader

Self Image Issues

(I too have experienced weight gain issues from taking birth control and now with my depression, I find I struggle the most with motivation and self image, so I kinda understand. I’m trying to lose the weight but it’s so hard and it’s seriously affecting my mental health. Sorry, anyways, onto the Drabble.)

You were a student who was interning with Best Jeanist. You had been interning with him before you took the pills and although he has noticed your weight gain, he has said nothing about it. He assumed you were find until he one day heard you throwing up in the bathroom after he had seen you eating lunch. Before you could leave the agency that day, he asked you to stay back and chat with him for a bit. You had no ideas what this could be about do you agreed.

When Best Jeanist revealed that he heard you throwing up after lunch he wanted to make sure you were okay. If you were starting to get sick then he wanted to walk you home or have one of his sidekicks walk you home. You played it off as something you had eaten made you nauseous so you force yourself to purge whatever was causing the nausea and it worked. It took awhile, but he believed you and let you go.

The next day during school, one of your friends noticed how little food you had brought for lunch and asked if you wanted some of their’s. You politely declined and told them you were on a strict diet and that the medication you’re having to take requires this strict diet. Needless to say, some believed you and those that didn’t merely asked questions or stayed silent.

It wasn’t until you stoped coming to dinner and would only eat like half an apple or nothing that certain people began to question this ‘diet’. Bakugou knew something wasn’t adding up. So he made sure to watch you prepare your lunch the next morning and saw that a lot of the food, contained Iceberg Lettuce. A leafy green that has the nutritional value of cardboard. Sure it might fill you up, but there’s hardly anything you could get from it except water. He watched as you made your lunch with little to no calories or nutritional food. It was mainly just lettuce.

Bakugou wasn’t an idiot, he knew that you had been gaining weight and he had overheard the girls talking about how you had been possibly getting sick since you would be throwing up more often. He put two and two together and decided to inform Aizawa about his suspicions since he didn’t want to mess things up if he was wrong. Aizawa was glad to hear from Bakugou’s input and Aizawa began to keep a closer eye on you.

It was during your interning at Best Jeanist’s agency when you were bringing him some files and ended up passing out due to not consuming enough nutrients for your body. Of course, Best Jeanist called Aizawa to inform him of what happened and that was when they agreed to sit down with the reader to figure out what’s going on. When you woke up, you were still in Best Jeanist’s agency and we’re about to get up to go back to work until you noticed an IV bag attached to tube that connected to a needle in your arm.

“So you’re awake, good, we’d like to talk to you”

You looked over to the couch across from you and saw Aizawa and Best Jeanist sitting there. Best Jeanist remained calm and elegantly poised while Aizawa was hunched over with his elbows in his lap.

“Do you know why you collapsed earlier?” Best Jeanist inquired.

“Um…”

“You fainted due to a lack of nutrients in your body. Your body had been overworking and ran out of energy so it basically shut down on you” Aizawa spoke in a stern tone.

“Your body is like a cloth, if you don’t properly care for it, eventually wear and tear, as well as exposure to its environment will end up destroying the cloth and causing the fabric to fall apart. That’s what you’re doing to your body at the moment by withholding the proper care it requires” Jeanist explained.

“I hate to ask this, but does this have anything to do with your recent weight gain? I’ve noticed, as well as your classmates that your eating habits have changed and not for the better. It’s fine to diet but you have to make sure you do it right or it could cause more harm than good” Aizawa softly inquired.

That’s when you couldn’t look them in the eyes and curled up on the couch and hid your face in your knees the best you could as your started crying. At that, the pro heroes realized that they had hit a sore spot. Your cried as your tried to explain to them how your doctor prescribed you a temporary but necessary medication for you to take but that the medication has caused you to gain weight. You tried to explain about how your self esteem has been affected and how you hate your body but that you tried other kinds of methods to help reduce your weight but it hasn’t worked at all.

You cried as you continued to explain how you grew more desperate as your mental health became worse due to your increase in weight. You told them about how nothing seems to work and you can’t just stop taking the medication since it’s vital for you. After you explained everything you all sat in silence as Best Jeanist handed you a tissue box for your tears.

To keep the reader from extreme dieting, they help the reader count calories and makes sure to help them lose more calories than they take in. Maybe they help look for alternatives for the medicine or look for weigh loss supplements that will help.

Best Jeanist would buy cute clothes for the reader

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lightofraye · 3 months ago

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Hi there!

Per request, I cropped your name.

I also sent you an apology privately for how long it'd taken me to get to this. Largely because it's just a depressing thing to talk about. Danneel is doing classic abuser techniques here--putting him down; humiliating him in front of others (when at cons like Wales Comic Con) or having him repeating negative stories at cons himself; continuously finding fault with him; making him feel like the foolish one; disregarding his thoughts and/or emotions; and using sarcasm to cause harm.

Imagine having your own spouse, your partner of what... 17 years?... saying "You'll do" when they're stanning other, wealthier actors and stars. Like, wow. Consolation prize? Thanks? As though she didn't force his hand into proposing to him. Mind, Jensen even said she laid down an ultimatum--propose or she walked. That's love, for sure!

Imagine landing no less than three shows with Amazon and a regular guest starring appearance on a major broadcaster... and still being told "Not impressed". God. That's painful.

He may likely be so busy that despite what some AAs are saying ("It's only 1.5 hour flight to home!"), he might not even fly back home all that much. Why would he? For his kids? Absolutely. For his so-called loving wife? Not so much.

Have you noticed in that clip, Jared had to stop Jensen from rambling? Because he was listening to his friend and brother in all but blood put himself down repeatedly, hearing how his friend's wife is being emotionally abusive... in public, no less. I can't even imagine how Jared feels about this.

Mind, Jared knew Danneel before Jensen did (or so Danneel claimed). Ever notice how they barely ever hang out in the past? If all four of them--Jared, Gen, Jensen and Danneel--did hang out, Jared was rarely spotted with her. He knew what kind of person she was and wanted nothing to do with her.

Even Gen barely engaged with Danneel. Oh, Gen was friendly and warm in public--I'm reminded of that one live video where Gen praised Danneel's acting as Sister Jo/Anael on Sueprnatural and the look Danneel gave her... Danneel knew Gen didn't mean it.

Getting sidetracked here.

I know a lot of anti Jensens won't agree with me here, and that's all fine. We're allowed different opinions. Even those who are "Jensen critical" would disagree as well. Also fine. What I'm about to say next is my own personal opinion, speculation, and observation.

As I've mentioned before, I'm a survivor of abuse. From childhood onward, I've endured a variety. Emotional neglect, physical abuse, even sexual abuse as a child. That wrecks people. Because we're experiencing abuse from the hands of people who should love us. So if our own parents, siblings, relatives, whatever, are hurting us... we start to think: "Did I do something to deserve this mistreatment? Am I such a horrible person?"

And if that isn't corrected--and too often childhood survivors are overlooked and ignored, not able to get the help they desperately need, they often develop and grow into insecure adults with low self-esteem and low self-value.

One very common refrain will ring in their minds: "I am unworthy and undeserving of love."

This is where I feel Jensen's issues stem from. He was exploited by his parents for their gain and profit. Modeling, acting, often told by his father he's being punished out of love (thus creating a negative association of what love really is), and likely surrounded by a lot of people who use him for their gain and profit.

I can't speculate on the relationship between his parents, but what little I've heard and seen of Alan Ackles, it doesn't sound like a healthy example either.

If you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, or experience it yourself... one struggles a lot. It's how generational trauma is created. My paternal grandfather... was abusive. Emotional and... otherwise (there's a massive skeleton in that closet that left me floored when I discovered it). My own father continued it. I'm determined to break it and I think I've largely succeeded. No, I didn't have a healthy relationship, but I grew strong enough to know what I had wasn't it.

I'd rather be single than in an unhappy relationship. Unfortunately, for so many survivors and victims, it's never easy. Because the voices in their head parroting the fears back to them lie.

It's sadly easier to say "Oh. That person made that choice! It's their own damned fault they're unhappy!" Or "They're the ones who stay!" It's easier to judge than it is to admit that it's not a cut-and-dry situation. That breaking the emotional abuse cycle, that breaking free from abuse in general, is never, ever easy.

I speak from experience. I lost quite a few friends because they actually thought I wanted to stay, or that I was being unreasonable in my fear. Not once did they bother to reach out and try to understand from my end.

"Oh just leave!"

No... it's never easy to "just leave".

Jensen's trapped in a very vicious cycle right now. He finds it easier to put himself down and think he deserves it, than to admit that he's in a situation that he could leave. It's scary to leave. It's the unknown. It's easier, in so many ways, to live with the pain we know than the pain we don't.

Danneel knows it, feeds on it, uses it.

I rambled on a lot. I appreciate your ask and your compassion for Jensen.

Thank you for reading.

#jensen supportive #jensen concern #anti danneel #anti elta

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bananaproved · 19 days ago

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Who will write the arcane reverse Piltover/Zaun AU I want to read so bad 🙏🙏 Like the possibilities for character and dynamic exploration and the world building are crazy I would love to see that.

First thing is if you want to write canon Zaun characters growing up in piltover, you need to take into account how growing up in a way more privileged context would have impacted them and their relationship to society. The use of violence or certain the way to present oneself is really different between the two city too.

Imagine Powder and Vi raised in Piltover by Council Member Vander ? Powder would definitely be the star of the academy, brilliant and on the brink of getting expelled twice a week. I’m afraid there is also a good 70% chance that Vi would be an enforcer 💔 But in my heart I believe there is also a 10% chance that she instead became a professional saxophone player bc this is the only hint we have of her liking something outside of fighting. Also Vander hit me as a guy that would still at least try to care for all the people including the ones in Zaun (Kind of like Heimerdinger ?) but with limited success.

Tho if Silco is here as a council member too, Vander is going to have a lot of work on his plate because if Silco used child labor and spread drugs freely in Zaun when he felt a sense of belonging here, I’m scared of what he does to the city if he is not even part of it. I know they are fighting about it like 24/7 and everybody is tired.

Viktor is also an interesting character to put in this setting because how would he have turned if he received adapted medical care and the opportunities he deserved while growing up ? He would probably be a lot more confident in himself, but it might not totally erase his self esteem issues. However I feel like he could develop some character weaknesses similar to Jayce in this context, like arrogance, naivety and since we are talking about Viktor probably a strong tendency to believe that he know exactly what other people need.

On the other hand on the side of Zaun ? The potential is so interesting too.

First because of the living conditions in Zaun the risk to develop some kind of handicap is higher so I think it would affect characters in a reversed AU too. Like Caitlyn might have been born with an issue to her left eye or Jayce might have gotten into an accident that hurt one of his legs (or arm or whatever if you wan to be different from canon).

I think Cait would be really involved in her community in this context (and she would probably hate enforcers, ironically). Maybe she could become a local legend for liberation in this AU instead of Jinx ? But on the other hand she could potentially turn really dangerous too. She could be one of the hardest but also most interesting characters to write in this context because of how important privilege and her piltovian identity are in her canon writing.

Jayce is also a super fun one to consider. His main goal is to invent things that will improve the world in canon and it could stay the same here. I think that because of his personality he might not even be interested in attending Piltover university (we know he have no problem doing things in own way in his corner, sometimes for the worse lol) so he could be an important member of his community too but he would be more limited in some of his creations despite being brilliant. Also being too brilliant in Zaun can be dangerous so he would probably fighting Chembarons trying to hire him every Fridays and Mondays.

Also Mel could be incredible here, if she is as skilled in politics here as in Piltover she is running half of the city before turning 22. I think she would make a really good team with Jayce and Caitlin if they work together to improve their situation (King Poet Soldier kinda deal. Except instead of a poet it’s an engineer which is kind of the opposite but it’s okay). + she got the best design in the show so I’m sure that her undercity version would look so good that it would kill me but in a good way. Maybe her brother could be here too btw I think he was cool.

Tho there is some characters that would not really make sense outside of their canon context, like Ekko is really linked to the undercity idk how you can make it work in Piltover. I guess he can be the exception and get raised by Heimerdinger who is in Zaun too and become besties with Mel and Jayce and not Caitlin for some reason. One day he will get a bonus second Dad when he meet Benzo in Piltover.

Anyway I wish it was a more popular AU concept to explore in the fandom, it can be so fun.

#arcane #caitlyn kiramman #jinx arcane #vi arcane #viktor arcane #jayce talis #mel medarda #is my love of worldbuilding over actual writing too obvious or nah #i need to stop here but I also want to go into the ships dynamics

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hadassah4ever · 1 year ago

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igby slocumb pre-dating & dating hcs

this takes place after he ran off bc he deserves it <3

warnings: like 1 mention of sex but that’s it, igby being insecure as hell, my lazy ass writing 💀

w.c.: 851

pre-relationship

• this boy really wasn’t expecting to fall in love so quickly again

• he obviously notices attractive people, but it typically doesn’t go further than a date or two, maybe a one night stand

• when he realises he really likes you, frankly he’s terrified

• he’s already dealt with one situationship running off, his ego would be completely decimated if you did too

• so he pushes down his feelings and doesn’t tell you, but honestly, he’s terrible at hiding it

• he would physically need to stop himself from staring at you for too long, and he doesn’t even realise how lovingly he looks at you

• so yeah, even if you aren’t completely sure, you have a general idea of how much he likes you

• eventually when his feelings for you would get too heavy, he’d start ignoring you

• again, this boy has some anxieties about you leaving, not even mentioning his already existing self esteem issues

• but anyways

• you’d obviously get a little pissed at him for basically just completely ignoring you, not knowing about his past ofc

• so when he does confess his feelings, it’s a big deal

• obviously he’s not hauling you to a 5 star restaurant and sprinkling rose petals on a fancy hotel bed, but it’s a big deal for him

• it probably comes after a bout of him wanting to see you again, then ignoring you for a bit again

• and you show up to his apartment and get into a squabble about how disrespected you feel and how if he just wants to leave, then you can just stop talking

• then he probably starts crying because that’s literally his worst fear (he’s hiding his tears tho because 🎶boyyys don't cryyyy🎶)

• and you immediately stop because you didn’t want to go this far

• and he starts dropping small hints about his past with sookie and how scared he is to lose you, and how torn he is between pushing his feelings for you down and his crippling fear of abandonment

• then you comfort him and let him know that you’d be open to dating him (as long as he stops ghosting you, off and on again)

• bing bam boom ur dating

dating

• he really starts to unravel his “i need to be witty and sardonic 24/7” persona and allows himself to become SLIGHTLY more tender with you, of course with an igby flare

• after you comforted him, his fear of you leaving eased up a little

• obviously it didn’t disappear overnight, but he realised that if you were going to run off, you probably would’ve done it one of the many times he’s ghosted you, or during the night you two fought

• you’re still there, though!!! so that’s a win

• he doesn’t really plan dates, he either spots you out and about and just joins you on whatever you’re doing, or he calls you up day of and asks if you wanna go out (you’ve gotten used to it)

• mentally, he convinces himself he’s the big spoon, but as soon as you two start to cuddle and fall asleep, he’s curling up on top of you, his head on your chest

• if you gave him any kind of nickname he’d pretend to hate it

• like, you’d probably just be like ��hey igs” and he’d be like “yuckyyy ewww” but internally he’d be squealing and kicking his legs in the air like a schoolgirl

• he literally loves anything you do

• not even work or interest related, he just watches you do anything and is in love

• brushing your teeth? what a cutie. washing the dishes? you’re so responsible. sleeping? in the least creepy way possible, he could watch you sleep forever.

• he would NEVER say that out loud, though, he doesn’t really express love through words. he just looks at you with those little puppy dog eyes of his.

• he has a really hard time expressing his love for you at all, but you sense it.

• i think the closest he could get to it though would be a mixture of quality time and gift giving

• HE doesn’t plan dates, but if you wanted to plan something, or even just ask him to do something with him asap he’d be sprinting to your apartment

• he’d probably give you small gifts and not really take any credit for it

• small things, like your favourite snacks, or something that fit your interests, like a stuffed animal that reminded him of you, it’s yours

• and when you thank him he’d be like “yeah it’s whatever” but he’d also be all heart eyes

• he’s not really one for pda, he doesn’t really have anything for or against it

• he’d probably hold your hand or whatever, but i feel like full on making out is too much for him

• he does really like being close to you, though. he mainly just saves it for when you two are alone

• he’s also still healing from his “sex = love” mentality he had

• and even after that and all of his insecurities and fears, he’s still a wonderful boyfriend, just in his own, igby slocumb way.

#igby slocumb #igby goes down #igby slocumb x reader #kieran culkin x reader #roman roy x reader #roman roy x you

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scoobydoodean · 4 months ago

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i’d like you to know you’ve made me much more of a bitter deangirl when it comes to the trap. like i still love the idea of it, of them reconnecting in purgatory of all places, and i still like the idea of lots of what dean says re: should’ve asked cas to stay and i forgive you and talking *about* his anger, but… dean had a right to be angry, including at cas. and yeah it’s good that dean apologized, for the sake of healthy communication cause that’s what you do when you’ve said hurtful things in an argument regardless of who’s “right”, but cas also should’ve apologized again. in fact, i can’t remember so i could be completely misremembering, but does cas ever actually apologize to dean beyond expressing the sentiment of feeling bad that mary died?

and i’m also thinking about the conversation they have before being separated. i like the angst of cas’s line re: i left but you didn’t stop me, but again, dean was not the only one in that argument. to leave was very much cas’s choice, and it feels kinda unfair to put that on dean, regardless of whether dean saying smth would’ve actually gotten cas to stay (which, to dean, probably would’ve seemed unlikely given cas’s past habits). and also, cas saying dean couldn’t move on, that’s actually fucking heartbreaking and almost… cruel. iirc it’d been at most a couple weeks since his mom (his mom!) had been killed!! plus dean never got to say goodbye, again!! of course he couldn’t just move on!

idk idk… anyway i believe i’ve sent an ask about your opinions on the trap before lol, and sorry about this long ass message, but i recently saw a gifset about that conversation (before being attacked) and all the notes were like ‘yes cas you tell him!’ ‘dean needed to hear that!’ ‘finally got dean’s head out of his ass!’ and it kinda made me annoyed for dean which. brainrot. but whatever. bitter deangirls unite, dean deserves the support 😭😭

context

LMAO sorry for my tumblr arc culminating in me turning full bitter deangirl ig and taking some of you down with me (I'm not sorry actually I'm having a ball in this bitch).

Cas's attempts at apologies are cataloged here. So he does try to apologize. But how many times has Cas been "sorry" only to do the thing he apologized for again? I mean the fact that he keeps "apologizing" for lack of communication and unilateral decisions over things that impact other people besides him and secret deals that blow up in all of their faces over and over and over and over shows that he is... not actually that sorry? Because if you're actually sorry, you actually change your behavior. Except Cas thinks "getting a win" (while actively digging a deeper hole in his relationship with Dean) is the way to "apologize" and make everything better instead of just... changing his behavior. And whatever his latest big plan to fix everything is never works and instead actively makes his relationships and his own self esteem worse. From the outside perspective, what Cas is doing (apologizing then doing the thing he just apologized for again) is just kind of... the ultimate way of telling a person you claim to love that their feelings actually have very little value to you. I mean Cas would be horrified by the idea that he doesn't actually value Dean's feelings, but what conclusion is Dean supposed to come to? Is it any wonder that Dean is perpetually confused about what exactly Cas thinks of their relationship? Is it any wonder that he reached a point where he couldn't stand to hear one more of Cas's meaningless apologies? To maintain any semblance of a relationship with Cas, Dean has to focus on what he feels about Cas's intentions (intentions Dean has always had faith in being good) but that faith and care increasingly forces him to ignore aspects of their relationship that are deeply hurtful because Cas refuses to do his part in addressing their issues in any meaningful way. It's just a vicious cycle of Dean trying to communicate that their lack of communication is upsetting and Cas pretending to listen and apologizing but clearly not actually listening or understanding the gravity of the situation and how it is slowly building a rift between them over years (with perhaps the most striking and hurtful example being The Future) until the secret over soulless Jack becomes "the straw that broke the camel's back" and Dean absolutely explodes at the end of season 14... and then... still... Cas's secrets remain—to the bitter fucking end.

Also yeah tbh Cas's "I left but you didn't stop me" makes my eyes roll so hard. Painfully stupid dialogue with unpleasant (though likely unintentional) implications (as linked in thread above).

#15.09 #mail

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silantryoo · 1 year ago

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BONUS [ LIKEALOOK ] — why.

yoo jimin, third year

WARNINGS ; gaslighting, toxic relationship, cheating, predatory behavior, violence, self-esteem issues, yeji being a horrible person, family issues (4.9k)

"ryujin's cousin is fucking hot, right?"

jimin could feel warm breath grazing her ear, her eyes trained on the freshmen as she watched them talk. she felt an arm wrap around her waist, sending tingles down her spine.

the middle blocker's eyes hovered over the young girl's figure, laughing with yujin and haewon about some obscure joke the shorter girl had said.

shin yuna was pretty. there was no doubt about it. her doe eyes were full of an innocence that seemed to infest all the first years on campus, and her bright smile had a way of melting the hearts of the crowd.

even if yeji was right, jimin still hated the way her girlfriend talked about girls.

jimin turned to her, their eyes locking as her captain smiled teasingly.

she pulled away, trying to shake off yeji's strong grip as the outside hitter laughed. "you're gross."

"what?" the older girl glanced at the youngest shin, yuna waving at the two of them. "you don't wanna fuck her?"

jimin could feel her stomach churn.

she hated when yeji was like this, acting like every girl was some commodity that she could comment on. she missed the yeji kept her thoughts to herself, when she acted like the two of them were different types of people.

her yeji was there somewhere, just like her father.

"that's not funny." jimin frowned.

yeji rolled her eyes, her smile suddenly turning cocky.

"you're such a liar." yeji gripped jimin's waist tighter, and suddenly jimin could feel her blood pressure rising. "i see the way you look at wonyoung's girlfriend."

the middle blocker could feel a knot in her throat, guilt threatening to spew out of her mouth.

"what?"

y/n was perfect.

her cat-like eyes, although similar to yeji's, always lured jimin in, like she was drowning and being burnt alive at the same time. being around her made jimin feel awake, like she had been pulled out of the painful trance that was her life.

she had felt nothing like it before, and it terrified jimin, almost as much as it angered her that wonyoung had another perfect piece in her perfect existence.

life was unfair.

"i only like you." jimin chewed on the words, neither of the two really believing them. "not y/n."

yeji laughed in a way jimin hadn't seen in months. her eyes squinted, the corners of her mouth tugging up as she threw her head back. the middle blocker didn't understand what was so funny to the girl, but all she could do was watch.

"i didn't say you were cheating on me." yeji's eyes gleamed mischievously. "are you?"

the thought of cheating - of doing anything similar to her father - made jimin sick to the stomach.

"yeji, baby, no." she said almost immediately. "y/n and i are just friends."

yeji turned her head to the freshman, eyeing wonyoung almost knowingly. jimin could see amusement swirling inside them, like yeji was enjoying whatever thoughts she had going inside her head. slowly, her irises made their way back to the girl beside her.

"you have notes about your friend and how her girlfriend doesn't deserve her?"

jimin looked at her, her mind blank as a shiver went through her spine.

"you went through my phone?"

she clenched her teeth, scoffing through her nose. looking at yeji infuriated her, her thoughts rampant with red.

jimin had been getting irritated more often, whether it be during practice, in the shower, or in class. she had tried to talk about it with a counselor, but yeji had talked her out of it.

"why are you getting mad at me?" yeji raised an eyebrow. jimin was easy to read, and it was obvious that her password was the day she tore her acl in two. "you made it easy."

jimin clenched her fist, screwing her eyes shut to block the emotions fighting for control.

"that doesn't mean you can-"

"whatever." yeji inturupted, smiling as jimin tensed up once more. "you'll keep denying it but i know how you feel about y/n."

jimin needed to calm down, or she was going to hit something again.

"i don't feel anything."

it was a lie. jimin knew it was, but she would keep denying it until the day she died, even if y/n deserved someone better than wonyoung.

a fire blazed inside the junior as she thought of the younger girl.

she regretted many things in her life. she regretted finding her father, wrapped up in bed with a girl a couple years older than her. she regretted accepting her scholarship, and seeing the worst version of herself in the mirror, but the thing she regretted the most was convincing yeji to let wonyoung join the team.

jang wonyoung didn't deserve anything, not when yoo jimin was suffering from everything.

"sunbaenim!" jimin snapped out of her thoughts, yuna approaching them with a bright smile. "can you help me with my form?"

jimin looked away, terrified that yeji's words would suddenly take over her.

beside her, yeji smiled.

"sure." she looked yuna up and down as she whispered in jimin's ear. "if you're gonna cheat on me, at least do it with someone hot."

jimin shoved her away, glaring straight into her girlfriend's eyes. "i'm not cheating on you."

"whatever you say." jimin hated that smirk, almost as much as she hated her last name. "yoo."

the middle blocker watched as her captain walked away, the girl never once looking over her shoulder. jimin's eyes burned into the back of yeji's head before she took a deep breath.

yoo jimin was not - and will never be - her father's daughter, so long as she could help it.

yoo jimin hated parties.

she hated the nauseating smell of alcohol and weed, sticking to her clothes and hair like an unwanted perfume. the loudspeakers always gave her a headache, making no room for her thoughts in her brain. everything was hot and sweaty, and despite being in aeri's spacious seoul penthouse, there was almost no way to avoid skin-to-skin contact with a random stranger.

but as much as yoo jimin hated parties, she knew that inside, with the intoxicated girls and the inebriated guys, she was wanted.

she belonged, even if the thought made her stomach churn.

jimin heard the glass door slide open behind her as she stared into the never-sleeping city of seoul. the night breeze blew against her face, as the dimly lit stars twinkled above her.

"hey." aeri stood beside her, leaning on the balcony.

"hey."

jimin didn't need to turn around and see her worried expression. it was always plastered onto her face whenever she was around the middle blocker.

"where's your bitch girlfriend?" aeri looked down onto the streets.

the uchinaga never liked yeji, for whatever reason. in fact, aeri didn't like many people, always choosing to keep her circle limited to her childhood friends.

"can you not?" jimin asked, suddenly getting an urge to down a shot. "yeji's been pissing me off lately."

it wasn't the usual yeji bullshit that jimin had always dealt with. jimin had become impervious to her captain's mind games, even to the point where she found herself doing the same.

yeji had kissed her the first time it happened, and jimin had never been more confused in her life.

yeji had a way of seeing her, even when jimin didn't want her to.

"why?" aeri fiddled with the unused blunt in her pocket, looking over to jimin. "what did she do this time?"

"nothing." jimin lied. "she just..."

'makes me feel like i'm my dad.' the middle blocker held her tongue back.

she hated to admit it, but letting the anger out felt freeing. the small, snide comments that yeji would make towards her now backfired in jimin's favor. jimin would let the rage consume her, let herself be volatile and crass.

it felt wrong, even if yeji would smile at her in a way she had never done in their one year of dating.

jimin was afraid to turn into whoever yeji wanted her to be.

"you need a shot?" aeri asked, sensing the turmoil that simmered beneath her best friend.

"i don't like drinking." jimin muttered. the taste of anything alcoholic made her gag. "where's alex?"

she turned to aeri, the japanese girl visibly tensing up.

"who the fuck knows?" aeri muttered, pulling out her lighter. "i don't own her."

jimin sighed, turning around and leaning against the railing.

the argument was her fault. the younger girl had a point, and even though aeri knew she did, she was terrified to admit it.

aeri always chose jimin at the end of the day.

"are you still mad at her?" jimin asked, her thoughts lingering on jeon somi's cousin.

"no." aeri clenched her eyes shut, listening to the bass of the music inside. "a little."

jimin looked at her friend, hair blowing gently across her face as the city lights cascaded against her.

fear.

jimin knew that feeling all too well.

"she didn't mean what she said." jimin looked inside, the smoke swirling against the dim lights of the uchinaga house. "it was a heat of the moment thing."

aeri shrugged, opening her eyes to the scenery below her. "it seemed pretty real to me."

jimin glanced at her best friend once more, aeri's eyes hazed with confusion and doubt as she played with her lighter.

the uchinaga name had weight to it in the outside world, much like the jang's did.

aeri's father was a producer overseas, having connections to pretty much the entire world, while her mother played an important part in the entertainment industry of japan. for the longest time, they were aeri's pillars. the young girl had used both her parents as an example of good people, striving to be successful like them.

on her eighteenth birthday, aeri's mother introduced her to her other family.

"you're not your mom." jimin hummed, eyebrows furrowed.

she watched as aeri relaxed, putting her lighter away.

"i know." the heiress looked at the people beneath her, and wondered how their lives were like, "but sometimes, i get the urge to be, to fuck shit up and ruin my life."

aeri wanted to be someone's priority, someone's only choice.

"how do you do that?" aeri gulped, an ugly feeling in her chest. "how do you have two families at once and expect me to be fine with that?"

it scared her knowing that the girl she was in love with wasn't her only choice.

but aeri wanted her to be.

"you aren't her, dude." jimin said wholeheartedly. aeri was and always would be a better person than jimin. "if you were her, you would've ruined things with alex a while back."

aeri stared into the distance.

"i think i already did."

the two fell into silence, hearing the faint honks of the street below as the wind blew past their ears.

jimin wondered whether the people below felt anything similar to the pain the people around her experienced. she wondered whether they had hardships, if they were going through a divorce, or if their life was more akin to jang wonyoung's, where everything was perfect.

yoo jimin hated jang wonyoung.

"jimin?"

the middle blocker hummed, her thoughts being ripped away from her before they became more bitter.

"you're a good person." aeri never doubted it for a second. "don't listen to yeji."

jimin looked at her, sighing as their eyes met.

there was something about yeji that was unexplainable, something that made jimin feel want to be seen. it didn't matter how she got it, or how being around yeji made her feel, all that mattered was that yeji looked at her.

"i don't know how to." the middle blocker confessed, her throat constricting as she watched aeri's frown form. "i love her."

"ji..." aeri shook her head. "that's not love."

"aeri, she sees me." jimin reasoned.

aeri knew that jimin just wanted someone to see her, just like aeri wanted someone to want her, but she wasn't going to let some girl hurt her best friend.

"she sees you, but she doesn't understand you." aeri explained, jimin's eyes tearing away from hers. "you need someone who understands you."

the only person that ever understood jimin was her father.

he understood her pains and struggles, how the world only viewed her as a pretty face instead of a hardworking citizen. he listened to her rants about school, and helped her with the homework she would've broken down over if it wasn't for him.

then he went and ruined it all, ruined her.

all the light from her life was gone, replaced with an empty nothingness that seemed to seep into the cracks of everything she did. her grades had dipped, her relationship with her mother wavering. everything felt like a chore to jimin.

that is, everything but y/n.

yeji was right.

"i think i might break up with her."

aeri's eyes widened, her brain suddenly reeling upon hearing jimin utter those words.

"oh shit?"

the glass door slammed open, the defensive specialist nearly out of breath as if she climbed the fifty-nine-story building.

"aeri, where's-" alex looked to her right. "jimin."

jimin looked over to aeri, the girls mouth pursed shut.

sighing, jimin smiled faintly at her childhood friend. "you should really start calling me-"

"-unnie, yeah, whatever." alex brushed her off, grabbing the girl's arm. "you need to come upstairs."

"what?"

grabbing aeri's arm, jimin watched as alex bolted back inside, ignoring the sweaty bodies that littered that uchinaga household. the younger girl pushed her way through the crowd of drunk university students, jimin and aeri in tow. the heat was nearly unbearable for the middle blocker, and if it wasn't for the urgency of alexandra baek, then jimin would've pulled away.

she looked over to aeri, the girl just as confused as she was.

the defensive specialist came to a halt at the bottom of the penthouse stairs, and the two older girls could hear muffled yells coming from above.

"what's going on?" jimin shouted over the music.

alex looked at her, almost hesitantly before making her way up.

the muffled screaming got louder as they approached the door on the left, and jimin didn't understand why she suddenly got a sinking feeling in her stomach.

letting go of jimin's arm, the younger girl opened the door.

almost everyone was there - chaeryeong, yuna, ryujin, wonyoung, gaeul, haewon -, blocking the view as ryujin was being held back by her best friend.

jimin pushed her way past the two freshmen in front of her, her face dropping as soon as she saw yeji.

oh.

"fuck you, choi jisu!" ryujin shouted from beside her, tears pouring down her face as she tried to thrash out of chaeryeong's grip. "i fucking hate you!"

yeji was shirtless, red scratches littering her back as she slowly put her shirt on, enjoying the show that was unfolding before her. in bed was choi jisu, ryujin's long-time high school sweetheart.

jimin was going to be sick.

"i'm sorry." jisu begged, standing up with a blanket wrapped around her bare body. "baby, please. it isn't what it looks like."

jimin could hear her ears ringing.

she didn't understand. why would yeji do this to her? why would the girl she loved hurt her like this?

beside her, aeri rubbed her back, her eyes refusing to tear away from the scene that was unfolding.

"ryu, calm down." chaeryeong whispered in her ear, tears starting to form in her eyes as well. she had looked up to jisu, and treated her like an older sister. chaeryeong didn't understand how she could do this to ryujin out of all the people. "let's go out in the hall, yeah?"

"chaery, she just-" ryujin blubbered, her head whipping to her captain smirking at her. "it's your fucking fault! i trusted you."

"that's on you." yeji scoffed, tying her hair up. "she was the one that came to me before the school year started."

eight months?

eight months ago, jimin had just come back from her injury, sobbing to yeji about how her mother and father had officially divorced in the middle of her healing process.

eight months ago, jimin had lost the title of co-captain to shin ryujin, who improved tremendously while her ligament got torn in two from a bad landing.

and eight months ago, she met jang wonyoung, the girl who had ruined her life.

this was her fault.

"i hope you die, hwang yeji!"

ryujin pulled her arm out before it got held back by chaeryeong once more.

jimin didn't know whether either of the two was drunk, but chaeryeong looked exhausted, and it seemed like she wasn't going to be able to hold onto ryujin for much longer.

"ryu, please." chaeryeong begged, looking over to the younger shin. "yuna, a little help?"

yuna nodded, stray tears in her eyes as she gripped the right side of her older cousin's arm.

the two had never been close, not until this year, and yuna had always regretted not reaching out earlier. she had always watched her cousin from afar, wondering how her life could be so perfect (when in reality, it wasn't).

"unnie, stop." yuna begged, watching ryujin's hot tears fall onto the hardwood floor. "please, you're hurting yourself."

ryujin thrashed once more, chaeryeong clutching onto her waist for dear life.

"baby, i'm sorry." jisu begged, her eyes red. "i wasn't thinking. i couldn't help it. i-"

"jisu-unnie." chaeryeong interrupted, her voice tired and small. "please, just stop talking."

jimin watched as jisu wanted to protest. she watched the regret fill up in her eyes as the applied music major's face went pale. jisu watched as chaeryeong and yuna pulled their co-captain out into the hall, hearing the wails of her girlfriend as she sobbed into her hands.

beside her, jimin watched as yeji smiled, satisfied with herself.

"yeji?" jimin felt like she couldn't breath. her girlfriend stared at her, confusion laced in her cat-like eyes. "why-"

"alex brought you up here?"

the younger girl's face paled, watching as yeji's eyes glinted under the light.

"huh?" jimin turned to alex, her face colorless with fear. she didn't understand what was going on. "yeah?"

yeji smiled.

"can i tell you a secret?"

aeri gripped the lighter in her pocket, praying that yeji would keep her mouth shut, just this once.

she didn't want her friends - her family - being torn up again. she didn't know if she could handle it.

"yeji-sunbaenim, stop." alex pleaded before turning to a confused jimin. yoo jimin was her friend, her first crush, the person she went to when things got hard between her and aeri. she couldn't lose her. "please, jimin. you have to understand. it was at last year before you guys started talking, and i was drunk. please, unnie-"

"your friend really likes me." yeji grinned, rubbing her neck to show all the marks that choi jisu had left on her. "maybe more than you."

all jimin could feel was red.

"unnie, i was drunk." alex begged. "please."

it took everything in jimin to hold back, for aeri's sake.

"don't fucking call me unnie."

alex could feel the tears pouring down her face, and the embarrassment rising in her cheeks. she kept her head down, avoiding the looks of the other girls.

"jimin... she didn't know." aeri reasoned, ignoring the fact that she sounded like her father. she watched jimin storm out, most likely into her designated guest room. "jimin!"

wonyoung watched as her senior wracked in quiet sobs before aeri turned to yeji, eyes fiery.

"get the fuck out of my house." aeri growled, enveloping alex in a hug to calm her down. "i'll call the cops for trespassing."

jisu's eyes widened, immediately searching for her clothes.

"you mean my dad?" yeji smirked, earning a glare from the japanese girl. but the uchinaga held way to much power, and yeji knew how to pick her battles. "whatever. i was just leaving."

aeri watched silently as the two girls left the room, still holding onto the girl she loved with everything in her heart.

she heard the door behind her slam closed, and only then did she let herself comfort the younger girl. aeri looked at wonyoung, begging her silently to usher the other girl's out of the room so the two could wind down.

wonyoung nodded, pulling a shocked haewon and a nauseous gaeul out into the hallway where ryujin had been sobbing in chaeryeong's arms.

"i'm sorry."

"i know you are, baby." aeri sighed, stroking the younger girl's hair. "it's okay."

aeri could feel the bass from downstairs as her shoulder got wet from the defensive specialist's tears. the world kept moving, unfortunately, but she would do anything to stay still with alex.

it was what the younger girl deserved.

"jimin-unnie hates me," she muttered.

aeri tensed. she needed to go find jimin, and even though she never wanted this to end, jimin was her priority, she was her family.

"she's a good person," aeri kissed her forehead, pulling away as she took a good look at the volleyball player. "she won't hate you."

alex frowned, knowing what was going to happen next.

"aeri-unnie." the younger girl whispered, her heart breaking in two. almost as if she read aeri's mind, alex asked, "why can't you just stay?"

aeri wanted to, but she needed to make sure jimin was okay.

the door creaked open, wonyoung's head popping out to survey the room. she looked at aeri, and the younger girl smiled at her sadly.

everyone on the team knew that aeri had put the defensive specialist second, even if she didn't mean to.

"do you need me to go check on jimin-unnie?" wonyoung whispered.

aeri stared at her for a moment, her stomach sinking as she realized wonyoung had known all this time.

aeri looked back at the girl she loved before smiling softly at wonyoung.

she nodded. "thank you, wonyoung."

wonyoung smiled back, closing the door behind her. she hoped aeri could feel what it was like to have her own y/n.

wonyoung scoured through the upper floor, opening each door slowly as her teammates in the hallway tried their best to calm ryujin down.

saying that wonyoung felt bad for her seniors was an understatement. she couldn't imagine the pain that either girls were going through, and a part of her wished that she could take that away for them.

a part of her wished that she could take away her mother's pain too.

wonyoung could hear the sharp sobs of yoo jimin as she entered the door on the farthest right of the hallway.

she looked around, finding posters of volleyball players, and medals addressed to her senior, along with photographs of jimin and aeri plastered onto the wall.

the dim light of the moon entered the room, the streets of seoul honking in the silence.

"jimin-unnie."

jimin sat on the ground, clutching her phone tightly. her eyes were bloodshot as far as wonyoung could tell, and the older girl seemed to be staring at a photo of her family in front of her.

"um," wonyoung cleared her throat, flustered at the entire ordeal. she was never good at feelings, not like her girlfriend was. "do you need anything to drink? y/n always says that you need electrolytes after a good cry. i have some gatorade in my bag. yujin-unnie has it. i can go find he-"

"this is your fault, wonyoung." jimin spoke up, muffled as she hugged her legs. "all of it."

jang wonyoung knew a lot of things were her fault. she could list many of them in under a minute and she has, her father and mother aiding her without her consent.

this was one of the only times she didn't understand why.

"...what?"

jimin looked up at wonyoung, eyes glossy with tears. she couldn't hold back anymore. all the anger, the rage, the despair she had felt came flowing out like the han river below them.

that day, jimin had stopped caring.

"wonyoung." jimin's voice was hoarse. "before you came here, nothing was like this. yeji and i were happy, ryujin and jisu were happy."

wonyoung could feel her heard getting pricked with a thousand needles.

she wanted to stop listening, she wanted to walk away and shake off the words that she had heard over and over again from her parents. she wanted it to stop.

but jimin - her idol, the girl she looked up to - was hurting. this wasn't the girl she had met the first day of school. it was someone broken.

wonyoung couldn't blame jimin for hurting her.

so wonyoung listened.

(and everything came crashing down from there.)

"do you know how stressful it is for us?" jimin ranted, her eyes an unfamiliar void of anger and frustration. wonyoung had never seen jimin like this. "you act like you can't do anything wrong, like you can't mess up, and that falls on us. we're tired of having to watch you all the time. why do we have to take care of you? why do you act like the entire world revolves around you?"

wonyoung looked down at her feet, absorbing the words that entered her ears like a sponge. it felt like she was back home, sitting on the couch after one of her games, drowning out the shouts that came from her parents.

she couldn't help but listen, even when the tears started pouring down her face.

"it's all about you and your perfect life." jimin clenched her jaw, rage boiling up inside her. she gripped her phone. "it's wonyoung's anchor mom, and her politician dad. it's wonyoung's younger sister who idolizes her, and it's wonyoung's pretty face on billboards."

wonyoung couldn't help but wonder how hyunseo felt, if this was what she thought of her older sister.

jimin couldn't stop the words spilling from her mouth, and right now, she didn't want to.

"we're tired of you."

wonyoung didn't deserve anything she had.

she didn't deserve the title of suma's 'upcoming ace', nor the multiple sports brand deals being thrown at her. she didn't deserve the position of student council treasurer, or the praise from her professors.

jang wonyoung was self-centered and egotistic, and jimin had just reminded her of everything wrong with herself.

wonyoung hadn't felt this horrible about herself since last year, since before y/n.

wonyoung looked onto the ground, picking at the side of her thumb as her vision blurred.

"y/n is tired of you."

jimin didn't deserve anything that was happening to her.

she was a good person, and good people don't go through something so traumatic and come out with nothing. she deserved to have something good for once. she deserved the praises, she deserved the title. she deserved the girl.

yoo jimin deserved everything that jang wonyoung had.

"i'm telling you this so you don't hurt her." jimin muttered into her legs, glaring at the picture of herself, smiling next to her deadbeat father. "you're volatile, wonyoung, and you're gonna hurt a great girl because you're you."

the younger girl's teary gaze locked with jimin's, her eyes in a permanent haze of anger. she searched, trying to find an ounce of doubt in her senior, like what she was saying wasn't true, that this was all because jimin was hurting.

"you understand what i'm saying, right?"

wonyoung couldn't find anything but anger, hurt, and truthfulness.

she felt like she was going to throw up.

"i understand." wonyoung felt sick. she looked at her senior, her bloodshot eyes bringing the younger middle blocker back to reality. "are you... okay?"

jimin's eyes bore into her.

"me?" the older girl felt free, despite the fact that she had caught her girlfriend cheating on her minutes ago. "since when have you asked about me?"

wonyoung felt another pang of guilt.

"i'm sorry."

wonyoung didn't know how she was going to face y/n anymore, she didn't even know if she could.

how could she when she was like this? when her parents were right all along?

"wonyoung-ah!" the door slammed open, blinding the two girls inside. yujin looked over to the side, bowing deeply at her senior. "jimin-sunbaenim, hi."

jimin looked at her dully, yujin's face etched with confusion. jimin was never like... yeji.

yujin cleared her throat, walking over to wonyoung and throwing an arm around her shoulder.

"y/n is looking for you." yujin hummed, leaning down to take a good look at wonyoung's tear-stained face. wonyoung hadn't cried in months, and as far as yujin knew, everything was going great with y/n. "are you okay?"

"me?" wonyoung laughed, wiping her cheeks. she suddenly felt guilty for wanting to tell yujin everything that had just happened. "i'm fine."

yujin raised an eyebrow. "wonyoung-"

wonyoung bowed, her eyes never meeting jimin's. "i hope you feel better, jimin-sunbaenim."

jimin nodded and looked between the two, watching as they left the room behind them.

jimin felt lighter, perhaps a little dirty, but jimin felt free. she didn't feel tethered to the ground anymore, no longer constricted to her thoughts and feelings. it had felt like she had the weight of the world lifted off of her, and nothing was going to prevent her from feeling this way. not her father, not yeji, not wonyoung.

life was unfair, but jimin wasn't going to let life rule her anymore.

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