#you just gotta be willing to give up town and live with a weirdo
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my biggest problem in life right now is that i don't actually know how to find a queer couple who want to live an hour from the city on 20 acres with me. i'm basically wizard-in-a-tower-coded as a person, which is a generally solitary state of being (heyo aroace!!), and i love it out here so much, but i need some fucking hobbits in my life or soon i will start trying to eat the orbs and summon demons while sobbing, like it's perfectly clear to me why gandalf fucked around in the shire, it's lonely as hell otherwise! i'm too awkward and antisocial to deal with this man. i don't want to leave the farm (can't afford rent in town) (don't want to lose my art studio) (don't want to take down my clone wars timelines) (it's really quiet and pretty here) (if i have to move my 3000 books again i will die), and i also can't keep on alone like this, yet finding people willing to move in is terrifying and overwhelming. i tried to date to find someone but i'm wayy too aro to endure that like gahhhhh. where r u sam and rosie 😭😭😭
#it's like... hey pssst. you wanna garden. i got a chicken run already built. you can read my 3000 books#you just gotta be willing to give up town and live with a weirdo#no takers? wild 🤪#personal
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Oron was tapping his finger on the wooden table below his drink to the beat of the music that blasted throughout the bar. He was supposed to meet his friend, someone he had known way back during the war. One of the few remaining Lost Boys.
A figure approached him, placing his drink down on the empty coaster as he sat down on the stool. He was much shorter than Oron, a little lankier too but judging by the size of the glass he put down, it was obvious that he was Australian.
“So. How ya finding life in the big city?” The man asks Oron as his attention is now completely focused on him. The other gave a roll of his shoulder, adjusting himself in a better sitting position.
“I dunno. Didn’t really expect it to be so much more different than Darwin.” Oron responded. “Everything is so… advanced here. Robots, flying cars, large skyscrapers.” He paused to turn and face towards a robot that was talking to some kind of dealer. “It’s strange to think that this is what life is like around the world while we are still driving utes across the outback.” The blue haired Australian grabbed his drink, turning towards his friend. “How’d you process it Wayne?”
“Gotta be honest with ya mate. There was a huge adjustment period. It’s a lot more chaotic. Everyone rushing around with their own lives, they barely pay attention to ya unless you give them a reason too. Both a blessing and a curse really.” Wayne pressed his lips against the tip of his glass and took a drink. “One hand, I do miss that small town mentality of everyone knowing everyone. Kinda like in Darwin. But like everyone else, I got my own shit to deal with.”
Oron was nodding along with what his friend was saying. He gave a little bit of a sigh as he leaned back in his stool. “I guess the thing I’m struggling with the most is the corpo lifestyle around here.”
“Oh, Megacorp?”
“Yeah. That’s the one. Seems like they own everything in the god damn city.” Oron drank.
“That’s because they do.” Wayne responded. “Detroit’s own home grown mega corporation. They like to parade around the fact that everyone is so proud of them but no. Word on the street is that they are as hated as those fuckers who tried to invade us.” “So I’ve heard. Though I have had a couple of their workers come through my shop.”
“Really now?” The Lost Boy shifted to face Oron. “For what exactly?” “You know. Typical car troubles and basic robotics. Seems like some of them would rather go through local places than give Megacorp their paychecks. Though.” Oron did have a smirk on his face. “One of them was asking for a sex bot. Real weirdo that one.”
The last sentence made Wayne almost spit out his drink. “Nah get fucked cunt, ya lying to me! There’s no way.”
“I ain’t lyin’” Oron grabbed his phone out and opened his photos. He leaned it over ever so slightly to show his friend.
“No fuckin’ way. And you built it too?” Wayne looked at Oron.
“Willing to pay top dollar if the thing could suck like a vacuum cleaner.” The Australian put his phone away, laughing.
All throughout the night, their conversation continued. Just mostly back and forth about life in Detroit and some of the misadventures both of them have had. Oron had only been in the city for several weeks but boy did he have a good amount of stories he could tell. However, as the night was reaching its peak. A gunshot erupted from the very corner where the robot and dealer were sitting. Oron stood up from his spot with a sigh.
“Get outta here Wayne. I’ll talk to ya later.” And with that, he pressed the button on his ear piece, activating Ironclad.
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Dragon Age 2: Abridged
You start the game and as you're running 🏃♂️💨 away from the Zombi- I mean Darkspawn, the very first thing that happens is one of your 2 younger siblings fucking dies. ⚰️💀🥀(RIP Carver)
Then there's a dragon 🐉 which is awesome! But also: fuck, there's a dragon and you're level 1. But wait, now the dragon's an old lady who you swear sounds familiar. 🧙♀️ But she won't teach you how to become a dragon, so who cares.
Anyway, your mother cradles your sibling's cooling corpse to her chest and blames you for their death because you're the oldest and (somehow⁉️) you were supposed to protect them from the massive 5-ton ogre and stop it from crushing their rib cage like a gerbil in the hands of a vindictive toddler. 🐹
It's mentioned in passing that "At least they're with father now," and oh, yeah, guess your dad is dead too.
Surprise! Welcome to Dragon Age: 2 -The game where the plot is made up and your feelings don't matter. 🎆🎇
After you finally escape the fuckin 🍭🔥Candy Land from Hell🔥🍭: you're sold into servitude (see also: slavery) to pay your way into the city because your drunkard of an uncle has gambled away every penny of wealth your family ever had, including the house (and the dog too, but don't worry, there's DLC for that 🐕)
Then, after a year of smuggling and/or shady mercenary work for the dickheads that hold your leash, you're still broker than a ramen-filled Millenial with an undergrad degree in psychology, so you have to go into the Deep Roads to find your fortune.
Do you take your only remaining sibling with you into one of the most dangerous places in Thedas? Or do you leave them in Kirkwall, an almost equally as dangerous place, without even little ole' you there to protect them or your aged, decrepit, spiteful mother (who still kinda hates you for letting your sibling die)?
📱VOTE NOW ON YOUR PHONES! 📱
The kicker is that NO MATTER WHICH CHOICE YOU MAKE, you still lose your sibling! They're taken by the Chantry, (the ⭕Circle/⛑️Templars) if you leave them at home, and if you take them with you, they fucking DIE.
Oh, UNLESS you brought that one edgy, possessed, fugitive Gray Warden you met in the ass end of Darktown with you. Then they don't die. Instead, they themselves are given to the Gray Wardens to try and save them from 🤎😩The Taint 😩🤎 who then disappear back into the Deep Roads for 3 fucking years. IN FACT you don't even know if your fucking sibling LIVES or DIES until Shit City winds up on fucking 🔥FIRE🔥 and they just happen to run into you while you're up to your tits in body organs.
And also that one edgy Gray Warden rebel, Anders -who you actually kinda like, even if he is a whiney bitch, happens to stay on with you because you helped him kill his ex boyfriend (*Micky Mouse voice* it's a special tool that will help us later!🎁)
Oh, and let's not forget that Grand Adventure where your ancient ass mom 🤶 is kidnapped by a Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs serial murderer and then canabalized into a semi-living sex doll 🧟♀️(that smells a bit like formaldehyde under the stench of rotting old lady flesh) just because she happens to look a little bit like the dude's dead FWB/wife. 👩❤️👨
So, when you finally fucking find her -buried under a cesspool of blood, shit and demons (where else?)- you obviously have to kill the dork-ass, serial-killing, LITERAL MOTHERFUCKER who took her.
But OOPS! His blood magic🩸 was the only thing keeping her build-a-bitch body alive, so naturally it disperses as he death-rattles on the floor.🤮
She only lives long enough to say her last regret is leaving you alone in 🗡️ Murder City™️ 🗡️ by yourself before she fucking DIES IN YOUR ARMS in front of your sad ass friends and probably your love interest.
Speaking of which, I hope you didn't dick-down the pirate 🏴☠️ then fuck around and find out you caught feelings and shit, cause she straight up leaves your ass to skip town on bail with a Super Special Book. 📖
And god forbid you romanced Fenris because his broody ass just ups and leaves you after a mediocre as fuck one night stand, leaving you with Lyium-blue balls. 🧪 Oh, did I mention that it took 3 fuckin YEARS of courting to get him to into bed? 🛌 But at least he stays with you, helping kill bitches and whatnot, casually twisting that little knife in your heart an inch at a time because he has enough emotional baggage 🎒👜🧳🛍️ to sink a fucking naval armada to the bottom of the Boeric ocean. 🆘⛵🛥️🛳️⛵🚢🛥️🆘
But the fun doesn't stop there! No, no! Because while you may have lost your entire family -i.e. your mother, father and both baby siblings- and potentially your love interest 💔 (You can keep your shitty drunken uncle tho lmfao), that doesn't matter cause we're not done with our field trip through hell just yet kiddies. 🚎 Beep beep, bitch.
So, what's next on 💥Apocalypse Bingo?💥 Oh, that's right, you gotta stop the invading force of massive roid-raging dragon-people with kick ass horns, and their leader just decapitated the king👑 in front of you.
Also they burned 🗑️Trash Town🗑️ to the ground and you have to pick of the pieces of your shitty city. Again.
And after you've done that, after you've done what all the king's horses 🐎🐎🐎 and all the king's men🧍♂️🧍♂️🧍♂️ couldn't fucking do, you're awarded the title of Champion because no good deed goes unpunished!
Yay! You're the savior of Shit City! Hooray. 💩
✨🌟⭐ But wait! There's more! ⭐🌟✨
That one Glowy Red bitch you've seen around the Gallows when you're not ogling Cullen's noodle hair is pissy at Skeletor the Secret Blood Mage. Time to play peace keeper.
It doesn't go well. They're both still assholes. 🤷🤷♂️🤷♀️
Oh but, remember Anders? The edgy Gray Warden dude? The one who hears voices in his head, but swears it's just his 👻☄️Spirit Friend☄️👻 The one who you kinda like?
He needs to go grocery shopping. For... cookie ingredients. 🍪
Here's the list: 📜
-Mushrooms 🍄
-Literal, actual shit 💩
-Sulfur 💨
-Amonium Nitrate 🔥
-Other shit, this time metaphorical🚫💩
Okay, weird request, right? But he did help you kill some hoes and give you the map to the Deep Roads which may or may not have gotten your sibling killed, so you owe him one, right? And, well, maybe you kinda like this edgy weirdo who occasionally turns blue when he's mad 👺, so you're willing to do him a solid.
Well, turns out that trip to Kirkwalmart wasn't for ingredients to Anders' fav cookies.
It was actually
⚡💥💣☢️A FUCKIN NUKE☢️💣💥⚡
which he uses to blown up the church ⛪ which happens to be in the city 🌇 your pathetic ass spent 6 years Humpty Dumpty-ing🍳 killing a few hundred innocent people and probably at least one or two dogs🐶💀🐶 so either way he's a fuckin dildo.
Oh, and that kicks off World War Thedas, and the FBI 🚔 thinks you're responsible, so you have to leave your Shit City and lay low.
But you got to meet Varric so it was worth it. 👍
Probably.
#shit post#dragon age#da#da2#dragon age 2#fenris#isabela#varric#anders#hawke#carver#bethany#mine#my post#funny#kirkwall crew#flemmeth
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The Substitute Ghost - DannyMay - Day 12 History
Summary: Phantoms the teacher and you will learn, or so help me.
(spiritual successor to my fic The Lessons A Mother Gives)
“So you all want Phantom... a ghost. To give this lesson?”
Pretty well half the class nods or claps excitedly while Valerie looks like she might just crush her pencil. Danny is having a hard time not laughing but at the same time, what if they actually ask him? Like sure he’s better at duplication now but uh, it’s hella risky to have Phantom and Fenton in the same room. Though yeah, he’d honestly prefer a ghost, or half-ghost in his case, teach ghost history than his parents. Heck! They really didn’t know anything about ghost history if he was honest. Meanwhile, Danny had lived a bit of it, and ClockWork was a damn good mentor. So he knew pretty well every major and quite a few minor things, be kind of sad if the ghost king didn’t know ghost history. Danny can’t help but chuckle to himself, at least ghost history was way more eventful and interesting. Even if most aren’t for humans, or even other ghosts, to know.
Danny gets startled out of his head by Mr. Lancer, “What do you think Daniel? How much do your parents know about ghost history?”. Again Danny can’t help but chuckle before responding, “they’re scientists and hunters, not historians. It’s unlikely they know much of anything. If they do know a bunch, they never talk about it”, obviously the class likes this as most of them are grinning, even Valerie seems to nod at that.
And honestly, even if his parents were super knowledgeable on this, he’d really rather they not be the ones to teach others. Because unlike his parents, he wasn’t biased against ghosts. It would be like having a mouse teach the history of cats; an actively cat hating mouse. Danny has had to sit through his mom being a guest teacher before and that was on something she was actually well knowledgable on. He still can’t believe how much she managed to restrain her anti-ghost crap, though if he remembers correctly, she still rubbed that class the wrong way. Heck didn’t Mr. Lancer even voice displeasure with her directly to Danny himself? Yeah, Danny’s pretty sure he did.
So he’s not too surprised by Mr. Lancer's response, even if it means he’s going to have to figure out how to do this, “then I’m inclined to agree with the near entirety of the class. Phantom is a friendly Ghost and many of you have already met him in person”. Danny almost feels bad for Valerie as she slams her head on the desk loudly, earning glares from a good portion of the class. Pretty well everyone knows she doesn’t like ghosts nowadays, which has actually made her way more of a social outcast than even the weirdo trio. Pretty much everyone else at school is majorly pro-Phantom, though Danny thinks he might just be starting to get on little Red’s good side.
Paulina shoots up her hand, “I’ve got an idea! Why don’t we just find some ghost and get it to chase me? Phantom will always save me because why wouldn’t he?”. Even Danny glares at Paulina, because first off she shouldn’t be willing putting herself in danger and secondly, she does that to an annoying degree just to get his attention.
“No, we will not be doing that. I’m the teacher and the adult, I’ll get him”, Danny’s pretty sure he’s not the only one that catches Mr. Lancer mutter, “somehow”. Seeing as it looks like Paulina’s decided she has another idea, “well what about Fenton? Pretty sure hunters have ghost tracking stuff and Phantom shows up around him all the time?”. Danny has to force himself to not glare holes straight through her head, since that would be a bit suspicious, seeing as pretty well the whole class is looking at him questioningly now; with some even nodding thoughtfully. Seriously wishing Paulina had kept her mouth shut as he responds, “trackers aren’t that useful on Phantom unless he lets you track him. My parents get frustrated to no end over his ability to randomly become undetectable”.
He’s not about to give them actual ideas since he’s not sure if teaching a class, especially one that he’s in, is such a good idea. Though apparently, the class is choosing to ignore Mr. Lancer statement to let him get Phantom as Mikey speaks up, “we could just ask him? Just wave him down after one of his fights? It’s not like he’s never around”. Danny definitely glares at Mikey, because no, don’t stick around a fight; that shit’s dangerous. But how often does Danny actually hang around town as Phantom outside of fighting? Outside of patrolling and flying, pretty well never. Guess that does make him a bit of an elusive bastard.
Thankfully Mr. Lancer agrees that idea isn’t the best, “that’s far too dangerous, even Phantom gets hurt in those. And we all know ghosts are much more durable, so no one is to be near a fight just to talk to him”. A few people snicker, including Danny, at how Mr. Lancer glares specifically at Paulina; who, predictably, rolls her eyes.
Danny jolts a bit as Tucker kicks his chair and leans over, whispering, “dude, you should probably just bite the bullet on this one. Before someone actually does one of these dumb ideas. And pretty sure you’re not actually trying to talk them out of this, can’t say I really blame you on that though”. Danny sighs and shrugs at Tucker, he knows he’s probably right. It’s too bad he hasn’t figured out how to duplicate invisibly yet, otherwise, he could just do that and have a Phantom duplicate pretend to be thrown through the class wall. Let it stick around long enough to get asked before zipping off like he has a fight to finish.
And leaving class is out of the question, asking to go to the bathroom and then having Phantom show is just way too suspicious. Maybe he should start a blog or something, as Phantom, so people can actually contact him? Sure he’ll end up with lots of fan crap, even if that is enjoyable; it’s nice to be liked and needed you know. But it would help for situations like this, which are bound to happen again.
Blinking as he gets an idea, sure it’ll bite him in the ass a little but that’s better than someone getting themselves hurt chasing after Phantom, and he thinks it’s believable enough. Heck might even be able to use it as a way to explain Paulina calling him out earlier, “well, you all seem pretty set on this. This all stays a secret from my parents though”. Pretty well the whole class is nodding and Mr. Lancer is giving him a quizzical look while Valerie speaks up, “yeah even I don’t want them barging in or going off about ghosts”. Valerie stares Danny a bit before continuing, “what idea you got Danny. Clearly, you have one”. Danny smirks, knowing full well she’s going to be a bit pissy at him and the rest of the class is going to pester him. Flipping out his phone as he shrugs, “I’ll just call him”.
Everyone predictably gapes at him, while he pretend dials and Tucker tries damn hard to keep his laughter from being audible.
“You have his number!”
“He has a phone?”
“Why would he want a Fenton’s number?!”
Danny can’t help but snicker at the questions as he has a pretend conversation with himself. Coming up with random code words on the spot to make this seem more routine.
“No, no eggs”
“You could say weirder sure. Apparently, you’ve got a teaching job now. Well, for one day anyway”
Danny intentionally laughs, though it’s actually genuine since this is rather absurd.
“No forwarding involved. Just a teach wanting ghost history”
“As if, still a blt”
Danny mouths “when” at Mr. Lancer, who promptly starts checking the schedule and calendar.
Danny rolls his eyes and chuckles a bit, pretending he can hear Phantom eating or something on the other end, before Mr. Lancer responds a little bit frazzled, “tomorrow actually works out best”.
Danny gives a little nod before continuing the fake call,
“Oh yeah they can and do. Whole class”
“Of course”
“Dude, not even a little kid is enough of an idiot to give out your number”, Danny glares at the class hoping they get the message and don’t pester him for Phantoms’, aka his, number.
“Class six-b, a bit after ten”
“Yeah, welcome to schools, everything’s stupid early”
Snickering a bit, mentally pretending Phantom made some comment about drowning himself in the noddles he was eating, “well you get right on that then, later”.
It only takes a couple seconds after putting his phone away for some to ask, “why do you, of all people, have Phantoms’ number?”. While someone else mutters, “guess it would make sense he’d have a phone though”.
Danny rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, “non-ghost hating Fenton here. Living with people who constantly make new anti-ghost stuff and whom frequently converse with those GIW morons”. Danny can’t help but chuckle as it’s clear he needs to make this more obvious, “dudes gotta have a way to know what all the anti-ghost stuff is and does. You’re looking at it”.
Danny can tell Valerie’s not impressed as she gapes at him, “so you’re helping him and basically spying on your own family. For a ghost”. Danny rolls his eyes but can’t help but snicker, in a way he is actually spying, “he's the good guy Val. The GIW are idiots and my parents are beyond biased. They wanted me involved in the family business, they got it. Just not the way they’d planned”.
Mr. Lancer shakes his head a bit even if it’s clear he’s smiling, “well I think it goes without saying, that this conversation stays in the classroom. I’ll request that no one brings recording devices tomorrow or tries taking photos. You’re here to learn, it’s not a meet n’ greet”. While Danny’s thankful and hopes they’ll actually listen, the rest of the class groans.
Danny doesn’t even get a chance to walk out the class door before Valerie springs on him, “seriously Danny? I’d have thought you of all people would know ghost everything is dangerous. And helping a ghost? Really?”. Danny makes a point of holding himself proudly, “just walking into Fenton Works is dangerous. There’s no getting away from ghosts for a Fenton. Again, Phantom’s good. Most folks help him, I’m just a bit more helpful”.
Danny’s not sure if it’s his stance or words but Valerie just sighs and shakes her head before walking away. Though she does look over her shoulder and the pair share a slightly hurt wistful look.
Tucker slaps him on the back as they sit to eat, “dude, eggs? Forwarding? Blt? Congrats on being confusing”, Danny can’t help but snicker. Finger-gunning as he responds, “emergency ghosts or gear. Aka ghost fight or new Fenton tech. When people forward emails there’s that little “FW” symbol, like Fenton Works. And blind living town, as in no one knows about some secret or another”. Tucker looks genuinely impressed, “those, those are actually useful. Damn”. While Sam just looks utterly confused, “ok what happened now?”. Tucker slaps Danny on the back again, “Phantom’s a teacher now and-”. Tucker gets cut off by Kwan, “Fenton, dude! Phantom’s spy? That’s got to be cool! Bet you have, like, codes and shit?!”. Danny rolls his eyes while Sam tries to not look shocked, “you know the point of “spy” is to be a secret?”.
Kwan actually has the decency to look guilty and just scurries off, while Sam mouths “what?” at Danny. Leaning towards her, “Lancer wanted someone to teach ghost history and everyone was determined it’d be Phantom. The running story is, Fenton has Phantoms’ number and is keeping tabs on the Fenton’s and their gear for him”. Sam nods readily accepting this while Tucker smirks a bit. Because really, the two of them are Phantoms real little spies.
Danny, as Phantom, phases through Mr. Lancers’ ceiling, “so ghost history?”. Danny can’t help but laugh as Mr. Lancer jumps; Danny’s got to get his mischievous side out somehow. Besides this kind of crap is what ghosts do. Mr. Lancer clearly agrees as he doesn’t even give Danny shit, “yes, I imagine you know it better than any human? Though I hope it’s not too much trouble”. Danny waves him off as he comes to stand in his teachers living room, which is a bit surreal, “you’re not wrong. Heck! I’ve been at the forefront of some of it. And yeah pretty well everything any human knows is either only half the story or wildly biased”. Mr. Lancer nods with a frown, “I suspected as much”, he sips his tea before continuing, “since this is for only one class, because I don’t doubt we’ll draw negative attention if we do this for multiple days. Stick to the bigger things. Leaders, any major battles or wars, important ghosts and why they are or were important, major traditions and how they came to be, and so on”. Danny knows full well he’s going to have to omit some things, like who the current ghost king is. Though really, it’s almost sad that it isn’t obvious. He’s literally flying around with a crown and cape, that shit is pretty damn noticeable. But until someone asks or flat out calls him out, he’s not saying shit. Nodding at Mr. Lancer, “and obviously people are going to asks me stuff. But somethings with ghosts, in general, are need to know only, so there's some info I’m just not going to give”.
“I’d expect as much. Humans and ghosts don’t exactly get along. Yet anyway”
“Yeah, though I’d like for that to change. Someday maybe. Stuff like this might be a good step”, Danny’s almost sad that didn’t hit him before. People fear what they don’t know and ghosts are a pretty big unknown. Humans might be able to relate more knowing ghosts actually have their own history. He’s sure some folks just think ghosts don’t do anything other than toy with humans.
Mr. Lancer nods with a bit of a smile, “my thoughts exactly. Though I doubt you’re exactly experienced with teaching or are a historian”. Danny laughs and shakes his head, “course not! But I know a thing or two. There’s a lot of aspects to what I do. Not just here but in the Zone as well”. Mr. Lancer only gets to nod as Danny’s ghost sense goes off, “well duty calls, toddles”. Danny hardly heard Mr. Lancers “have a safe night” as he waves and flies through the wall.
Danny Phantom high-fives Danny Fenton, it was a pretty easy choice to make the clone play the role of Phantom. Since Phantom just up and disappearing suddenly isn’t exactly all that weird.
Fenton patting himself down as he leaves the bathroom, while Phantom flies and sits invisibly in the classroom.
Sitting down, Fenton’s sure he’s the only one who knows Phantom’s here. Well, until Valerie comes in, glares at her sensor before glaring at the front left corner of the room.
Mr. Lancer raises his eyebrow questioningly at Danny Fenton, so Phantom takes that as his cue to pop into visibility. Scaring the crap out of half the class and Mr. Lancer, even Valerie snickers at that; while Fenton, Phantom and Tucker smirk. Danny seriously hopes that the attention stays squarely on Phantom him as Phantom starts talking, “so obviously I’m not actually a teacher. And I’m a fly by the cuff kind of guy so don’t expect this to be structured”. Phantom, shrugging at Mr. Lancers raised eyebrow, “what? I’m not a planner”, before turning to the class and deciding to just start this before he gets bombarded with questions, “I’d figured I’d start with Pariah Dark, since you’ve all actually met him in a sense. That and he’s old”. Most of the class looks confused already, so clearly, Danny’s doing a great job here. Phantom, chuckling, “Pariah’s the guy who transported Amity into the Zone for a while. He’s one of the oldest ghosts around and once held the title of ghost king. Though he was a tyrant, ruled through power, fear and destruction of other ghosts lairs. Originally defeated by a group of, now unknown, ancient ghosts”. Danny really hopes Paulina has an actual question not a confession of love, as Phantom calls on her, “but didn’t you defeat Mr. Floaty face alone?”.
“I had a strength-enhancing suit but otherwise yes. Hopefully this time he’ll stay sealed away”, Phantom elects to move one before they ask if there’s a new king, “we do have other rulers though, some areas of the zone are kingdoms or nations. Those places all have a ruler or leader of some kind. Most have ruled their entire existence, like Pandora and Frostbite. Queen of Mythos and Leader of the FarFrozen. So there’s really no stories there. Ghosts don’t have elections or change leaders the way humans do”.
Phantom smirks as he crosses his legs, floating in the air, it’s really no surprise to him that his classmates are actually paying attention. “Queen Dora is an exception. She actually overthrew her brother, after he tried to forcefully wed a human and that human-made her see that she didn’t have to tolerate her brother’s abuse anymore. Aragon, her brother, was and still is a basket case. He trapped his whole kingdom in the dark ages and pretty much hated technology and happiness. Dora undid that though, so the kingdom of dragons is much happier now”.
Fenton can’t help but laugh a bit, only managing to school Phantoms’ expression as he overhears someone mutter, “wow, what a dick”. Phantom, tapping his chin, decides he doesn’t really care if the Observants don’t like it. He’s gonna talk about them, possibly just to bug them, “we also have another more universal governing body, kind of like checks and balances. The Observants, they watch pretty well everything every ghost does or is going to do. Acting as judge and jury, but never actually interfering. They just make others do their dirty work”.
Mr. Lancer shakes his head, “so like our government then”. Phantom nods as he points at Kwan’s raised hand, “well why didn’t they do something about that ghost king guy? Or get someone else to do something?”.
“Because they knew I would, that and Pariah wasn’t a zone or earth destroying issue. The Observants only meddle in the most extreme things. Pariah instilled fear not destruction, on ghosts. So he likely wasn’t much of a concern to them”, honestly Danny feels they really should have done something. That guy was pretty well fucking with everything, but Danny did defeat him so he can’t complain too much. Plus, if he were to ask ClockWork, he’d probably say Danny needed to become the ghost king and that had been the only way; or the least unpleasant way.
“Do you work for these guys?”, Danny can feel the mistrust and accusation in Valerie’s voice. “No, I’ve never done any work for them and I don’t work under them. Only one ghost actually works for them, but they can and will ask pretty well any ghost to do a job. I wouldn’t be too surprised if they eventually ask something of me”.
Phantom floats to the floor laughing a bit as ClockWork pops up, waving his hand at the time ghost, “yeah yeah I get it. I’ll shut the hell up. And you know I wouldn’t tell them about you, or Dan”. ClockWork still bops him on the head with his staff for good measure, “Oh I know, and yes the Observants are thoroughly bothered”. Both of them smirk as ClockWork takes his leave, Danny’s going to just assume he was about to say something stupid to the class. No clue what but that’s expected really. That or someone was about to ask something stupid, and Phantom suddenly changing positions instantly would catch them off guard enough to not ask.
Phantom turns his head back to the class, who all look a bit confused. Phantom just smirks more, “there was a visitor, nothing to worry about though. Friendly fellow”
“Can ghosts sense each other!?”, Danny’s honestly surprised it took this long for someone to ask more general ghost shit. Though Mr. Lancer glares at Mikey a bit, sighs and turns to Phantom, “you don’t have to answer that. This isn’t a q and a”. While Mr. Lancer’s right, Danny can’t really blame them. Heck, he’d probably get bombarded with questions if he actually stuck around after fights. Well, that and get shot at. Though he knows that if he really indulges the question he’ll be inviting more of them, “you’re teacher’s right, but that ability is unique to me. Anyway, that’s pretty well it for ruling ghosts. Most ghosts are loners rather than living in an established group. But we do have an overarching society. Mostly just norms everyone follows, like not destroying others lairs or making your name known to a worthy opponent. And there’s really only one real holiday, rather than the many humans observe”.
Danny can tell Valerie is suspicious of something, not sure what but still. So he calls on Dash’s raised hand before she can say something, “that must be one big holiday and party then”. And Danny catches one of the geeks' mutter, “bet is Halloween or something like it”.
Chucking Phantom addresses the Geek, who clearly didn’t expect his comment to be heard. more so than Dash, “while I have a soft spot for Halloween, it’s actually Christmas. Known as the Christmas Truce, like with humans Christmas used to be called Yule and was started by some of the first ghosts. As a way to instil unity and decrease the, at the time, near constant fighting. No fighting is allowed and ghosts all get together with friend and foe alike, for food, drink and merriment. Skulker’s renowned for his unusually good lemon Creme pie”. Danny catches a few people muttering, surprised, about how ghosts actually eat food. Danny apparently didn’t do a good enough job at distracting Valerie as she points accusingly at Phantom, while Fenton groans and mouths “here we go” at Tucker. Both Fenton and Tucker turn and mildly glad at Valerie, as she talks or more so snaps, “ignoring the idea of ghosts being “merry” and cooking in their spare time. With ghost rulers, I’m pretty sure you glanced over yourself, unless that crown is just for kicks”. Danny can tell she’s feeling smug as a couple people look at him and nod. Though Mr. Lancer looks like he wants to interject again, as Mr. Lancer remembers that Phantom warmed somethings would be off limits, so Phantom shakes his head at him.
Danny’s not about to give Valerie the satisfaction, and there’s really no good reason to not respond. People are going to keep asking, eventually, “I was wondering how long it would take for someone to call me on that. I intentionally left myself out purely to see how long it would take. I enjoy a bit of harmless mischief you know”. Smirking at Valerie’s annoyed grimace before actually answering her question, “and really the answer is why I even know all this stuff. Ghosts generally don’t know much of our history, we don’t get taught it after all. Most only know what they’ve actually been around for. Though any ghost who wants to know the publicly available bits of ghost history could do so easily, most simply see no need to”. Now Valerie’s just plain annoyed with Phantom and Tucker is trying hard not to laugh while giving Fenton discrete thumbs up. Both Danny’s smirk at Tuckers’ clear approval of dragging this out just to bug Valerie.
Phantom, shrugging exaggeratedly at the class, “I’ve been taught it because, after all, it would be pretty sad if the Ghost King didn’t know his subjects and worlds history”. Mr. Lancer’s the first to audibly react, choking on his tea a bit and staring at Phantom incredulously. Danny’s classmates are quicker to accept this as true and Valerie looks flat out pissed off. Half the class nearly shouting at him, “what!”. While Tucker and Fenton both put their heads on their respective desks in an attempt to muffle their laughter. Danny’s trying to get all his laughter out through Fenton, since he doesn’t want Phantom to look mocking. Though he can’t keep Phantom from snickering and laughing a bit as well, “that was my original reaction!”. Composing himself a bit and giving a lazy smile, that he hopes is reassuring or comforting, “but yes, I pretty much usurped Pariah from power and thus took his place as Ghost King. Even if I didn’t even know that was possible at the time”. Phantom gives Valerie the best subtle, I’m-not-a-power-hungry-asshole look he can; without making the rest of the class suspicious.
Mr. Lancer is clearly a bit frazzled, as he adjusts his tie, “that is a bit startling Mr. Phantom. But I guess you really were the best choice for this then”. Meanwhile, Star whispers at Fenton, “oh my god, you knew”. Fenton only nods while wheezing and Phantom forces himself to not comment on that.
Instead addressing the whole class, “indeed, really if you need any ghostly info I’ve probably got it. Doesn’t mean I’ll actually tell you though. And if I’m refusing to give you certain information then it’s not something you should, or want to, know”.
“You're a ghost. No reason to trust you on that”, most of the class, including Fenton, rolls their eyes at Valerie. While Danny decides to have Phantom pretty much do his job and mediate between the species, “true, I am a ghost, but that matters not. You’re coming from a place of opinion not reason. But that’s expected. Listening to what I have to say, whether you agree with it or not, is well enough. Somethings I know should not be known by others, not because it could harm ghosts, but because it could damage the timestream, reality itself, or drastically increase the chances of mass destruction”. Danny’s not sure what to make of Valerie’s facial expression, like a mixture of shock, confusion and complete annoyance.
Knowing full well he’d rather not have another incident like when the GIW tried to destroy the zone, “Further, anything that seriously damages the Ghost Zone will have the same effect on earth. Our worlds exist in duality, due to that only certain ghosts known everything. Ghosts that get along with humanity or at least don’t wish to harm humanity. In a sense part of my job is this, keeping the peace and making sure nothing serious happens to either world”.
Giving Valerie a soft smile, “I may be the Ghost King but I am also earths protector. From uniformed human actions, to truly evil ghosts, and outside forces”.
This seems to pull the rest of the class into normalcy a bit though,
“Who’s the most powerful ghost?”
“Do you have servants?”
“Castle?”
“Can you make people knights?”
“Do you rule over Amity too?”
Mr. Lancer actually stands up at this and puts his hands up, “enough, enough. None of that has to do with history”. Phantom shrugs a bit, “well technically anything to do with me is history, or will be. My very existence was even prophesied and I’m worshiped as a god by some, I’m pretty well the only ghost worshiped by other ghosts. But I’m not here to talk about myself. So any history questions that aren’t specifically about me”. Danny does overhear a couple people muttering, “he’s a god?”, and, “just how many titles does this guy hold?”. But he doesn’t want to feed that train of thought, otherwise, this is going to take way too long. Specially if he was fully honest, which he can’t be.
“Has there been any other ghosts like the Pariah Guy? That had to be removed or sealed or whatever?”
“Are there things besides ghosts that are important? Like how the Statue of Liberty is?”
Danny’s not really surprised it’s the geeks with the questions, as Phantom responds, “yes there have been, three of which I’ve dealt with myself. Vortex, the one responsible for the really strange weather for that short while, UnderGrowth, the one responsible for all that vine and plant stuff everywhere, and the last one isn’t to be talked about”. Phantom frowns to emphasise his point before continuing, “other than that, Betrex is the only other. Betrex enslaved a large portion of humanity back in the human dark ages. Both Betrex and Vortex were dealt with originally by the Observants. And there are lots of different artifacts that are important, but most are supposed to be kept a secret so that no one uses them. But there are some I can talk about, for one Pandora’s Box is very much real. It’s used to siphon out evil energy from the zone”. Mr. Lancer looks thoroughly pleased with this which makes Phantom smirk.
“That’s the only one you’ve likely heard of though. But you have seen another one, the red crystal ball staff that circus gothica guy had. Staff Of Minds, it’s called, it can mind control ghosts. Make slaves really, it’s destroyed now”. Phantom shakes his head and chuckles, “really Freakshow has a bad habit of getting his hands on powerful ghost artifacts. He also had the Reality Gauntlet, which is what Thanos’s Infinity Gauntlet is based off of”.
The geeks in the back row look like they’re having a field day so Danny decides to be a bit of an ass, “which has also been destroyed”. Yup, the freaking out geeks look decently crushed, “but it was one of the more important artifacts. Since it created the Ghost Zone, the Reality Gauntlet can completely control all of reality. So it’s vastly more powerful than its comic book counterpart”.
Valerie is pretty much the only student that doesn’t look impressed, instead she just looks horrified, so Danny decides to make a bit of a point, Phantom looking at her while running a hand through his hair, “technically I didn’t have to destroy it but I decided it wasn’t worth the risk of someone stealing it from me. It was enough of a pain getting it away from FreakShow as it was”.
Tucker decides that’s the time to speak up, pointing at Phantom, “it did look good on you though”. Both Fenton and Phantom nod, completely agreeing. Honestly, sometimes he wishes he kept it. Sure he’d never use it for anything more than fun and to fix major fuck ups. But it really was better destroyed.
“Everything looks good on you”, Paulina barely bothers to whisper and Danny has to stop both of himselves from groaning. Valerie, however, flat out groans; though she’s eyeing Phantom a bit confused.
“The only other major items I can really talk about is the Ring of Rage and the Crown of Fire. Both of which Pariah used to strengthen himself. You need both to use either. Basically, the wearer has accesses to infinite power, but it’ll destroy the wearer if they’re not strong enough to handle the base power of the items”, Valerie looks drastically more horrified and Danny can’t blame her, she was literally wearing the ring. Phantom points at Dash, “dude, then how the heck did you even defeat him? How do you defeat infinite power?”.
Phantom smirks, “he could only access the amount his own power and body could handle. Just because you have access to infinite power, doesn’t mean you can actually use all of it. The suit I had, amplified my strength a hundredfold, which was only barely enough”.
“So this suit is stronger than the crown and ring?”
Phantom screws his face up a bit, “no, not even kind of. That suit nearly destroyed me, and it would have killed any human who used it. I destroyed that as well. The suit was a hundredfold but the crown and ring is easily, for me, over five thousand fold”. This time Danny catches Valerie actually look for the ring on him, which he is of course wearing.
Glaring at him, “you’re wearing them”. Even Mr. Lancer looks at him worried due to Valerie’s remark. Phantom smirks, “of course, they’re also known as the kings crown and rulers ring for a reason. Technically, they’re a requirement. A painful one, but still”. And this is why Danny’s glad he’s got an absurd pain tolerance. Though it clearly startles his family sometimes.
Mr. Lancer clearly wants to change the subject at this point and it’s also clear he’s cringing a bit, “well, we’re running short on time so any other important events or people?”.
“Basically all the important ghosts I can talk about are rulers so that’s a no. As for events, the blood blossom purge was a big one and the Bermuda Triangle caused a war for a good ten wars. Basically, anything that disappears there, shows up in the Ghost Zone. And it causes an issue every time. Ghosts fight over what to do, and if anyone owns the random things”.
Frowning a bit, “the Blood Blossom purge was more serious. It’s a plant that was intentionally driven to mass extinction. From pictures, it looked a lot like book burning but with plants. Still to this day, it’s basically a requirement that if anyone finds one of those flowers they have to destroy it. Not doing so is pretty much the harshest rule you could break”. Valerie smirks a bit, “those plants must be pretty harmful to you guys then”.
Phantom glares at her a bit, “in a sense. And while ghosts really don’t care about, mind or will even encourage ghost hunting gear. Anything Blood Blossom related isn’t tolerated. If, say, a human, whether hunter or not, had Blood Blossoms and was making it difficult or impossible for ghosts to destroy it. The Observants would get involved and would have no problem erasing that human from existence. Either by flat out killing them, making it so they were never born in the first place, or destroying the entire town. There’s a reason no one likes the Observants, they do not care about anyone’s existence. They see only the bigger picture, if they decide obliterating half the zone or killing off hundreds of humans is what’s best, they’ll see it gets done; unless someone makes doing that impossible”. Danny’s sure he went a little too hard there but, based on Valerie’s face, his point was made.
Tucker whispers to Fenton, “a little overboard dude”. Turning around to him a bit, “you should have heard CW’s speech. The big O’s are more than just serious about this”. Tucker and Fenton share a grimace.
Aiming to soften and lighten the mood a bit, “I’ve already had to get in their way once, so they don’t exactly like me and I don’t care for them. Even if they are needed and do their jobs exceptionally well, they just have wonky priorities”. Snickering a bit, “pretty much every ghost who knows about them intentionally bugs them. Annoying them is the original reason I even mentioned them, and they can’t do anything about. Even if there is around five thousand of them”.
Mr. Lancer shakes his head a little startled, having not expected ghosts to be quite so powerful, “I can’t say I like these guys either, Mr. Phantom”, turning to the class, “does anyone have any final questions. Questions that are actually relevant please”.
“Do you guys celebrate the creation of the Ghost Zone? And what about birthdays?”
Phantom can’t help but chuckle, “deathdays actually and yes we celebrate them. It’s up to the individual ghost how though, and before you ask, don’t ask a ghost when they’re deathday is. It’s insanely rude, and no I won’t, or more specifically can’t, tell you mine. Very few actually know when the Ghost Zone was created for sure, so no we don’t celebrate it”. Danny can tell the class is torn between finding “deathday” funny or unpleasant. Though Danny’s just impressed that Valerie actually puts her hand up this time.
“What about the existence of hal-”, Danny knows where this is going and Phantom promptly cuts her off with an ecto-gag. Because it’s way better to be a bit suspicious than having her blab about that while his human form is within easy comparison sight.
Glaring at her, “you’re being quite the trouble maker. That’s pretty well one of the number one things that are not to be talked about. So keep that to yourself unless you want to get people killed”. Thankfully, Valerie only glares as the gag dissolved while Tucker covers up his gaping mouth with his hand.
A couple people mutter, wondering what it is Valerie knows but promptly shut up at Phantoms mild glaring. “I’m not going to withhold information or keep something secret without a good reason. So don’t go questioning her about this”. Pretty well everyone nods as the bell goes off, but Mr. Lancer motions for Phantom to stick around. Which leaves Danny even more glad he’s gotten good at this.
Phantom floats, legs crossed, in the air as Mr. Lancer sits back down, “I’ll admit, I learned more than even I expected here. I don’t think I grasped just how powerful of a ghost you really are”. Phantom smirks, “yeah my small size and general light-hearted demeanour can be a bit misleading. I don’t act remotely as strong as I am and I have no interest in doing so. I only exercise major power or my position when it’s really needed”.
“You’re a very surprising fellow, Phantom. For seeming so young, you’re clearly wise. I’m glad the position of king fell on someone like you and thank you for coming in”, Mr. Lancer reads Phantoms slightly amused face before asking the question that Phantom knows he wants to, “feel up to doing this again sometime? Obviously not on a specific schedule, too risky for you”.
Phantom smiles lightly and nods, “I’ve had lots of experience with lots of things. And experience begets wisdom so to speak. But sure, I’d be up for it. Though dealing with any ghost issues comes first so don’t be surprised if I occasionally cancel or suddenly leave”.
“But of course, I wouldn’t expect anything different”, with that the two wave as Phantom phases through the ceiling.
Meanwhile, Fenton promptly gets corned by Valerie just outside of class. “question, do you know what I was talking about in there? Before I was rudely cut off by your “friend””, Danny can tell she’s unimpressed and still very much not fond of Phantom. “If what you’re thinking of involves a little girl, then yes. If the wrong people hear or find out about that the gov will destroy her. So seriously don’t”, obviously Valerie takes Fenton more seriously and nods curtly.
“All right Danny. I’ve got no problem believing you and that does make sense. Still don’t like that you’re helping a ghost. But it’s your life I guess”. Chuckling, “you don’t know the half of it”.
End.
#danny phantom#phandom#dannymay19#dannymay#history#mr. lancer#danny fenton#valerie#paulina#tucker foley#ghost hisotry#ghost king danny#clockwork#phantomphangphucker#have a fic suck my dick
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Chapter Two: The Weirdo on Maple Street
I wonder how they coaxed her back to Mikes house it was probably easier than I think because they’re also kids and it’s raining and cold because I’m pretty sure it’s November in Indiana. I’m just gonna say that the lunge clap isn’t the best way to tell if somebody is deaf I’m pretty sure they’re gonna flinch regardless because you lunged at them. 🤣🤣🤣 Modesty don’t exist where she’s from y’all cut her some slack. Wait is that blood? Wait it’s probably from her nose. I don’t even know where the nearest ‘nuthouse’ is why does Lucas? How did Dustin and Lucas both forget that they snuck out the house and therefore telling any adults right now would be a bad idea?
Yo Joyce is talkin about spending $2000-$3000 on missing posters and he’s in a different dimension and this is in 1983 that might as well be $20,000-$30,000 now I know my mom would know my voice anywhere they gotta stop doubting Joyce no matter what interference came down the line.
Hop and these pills are gettin on my nerves you are not House sir sidenote Hops reaction to Jonathan volunteering to go to his dads house felt like dick measuring why wouldn’t he want him to go looking for Will if seeing the cops would mean he runs again which means even longer until he comes home.
Don’t start shit with your little brother when he knows your boyfriend was in your room last night without your parents knowledge or consent Nancy. Sidenote it’ll never not be suspicious to hear your kids say ‘nothing’ together when you ask them a question.
I think Wills been missing for 2 or 3 days at this point where is he getting water? I’m pretty sure this kid is well on his way to dehydration on top of breathing in the toxic atmosphere of The Upside Down Will is a strong little dude.
I think I’ve spotted Els first Eggo that might be why she likes them so much Mike gave her her first one I mean Eggos are good but plain with no syrup no butter and lukewarm and she still likes them more than anything else. El’s hesitation towards telling any adults makes perfect sense after what happened to Benny.
Calling a lady crazy who’s kid just went missing feels a little insensitive I mean what did she do in regular my kid isn’t missing life that would make him say that?
Steve’s hair looks so much better but he’s kind of a dick because he invited Nancy to the ‘party’ not her and Barbara which isn’t really a problem is that he did it in front of her but if you pay attention to his ‘friends’ they aren’t any better in all honesty this is just a double date. Nancy’s little brother hangs out with Jonathan’s little brother all the time you’d think she’d stand up for him just because of that I mean she looks legit guilty listening to the others make fun of him I mean how many times has Jonathan been at her house to pick up Will?
Mike said damn goin to school I have girl who doesn’t think I’m weird at home.
I’m pretty sure this is what older siblings are for sharing music and teaching you the ropes to life and giving advice.
Jonathan also said damn goin to school
Lonnie still hasn’t made an appearance and his youngest son has been seen in 2-3 days he ain’t even called Joyce back and he knows that he’s missing and that there’s been full on search party and he’s been AWOL this whole time.
Where the hell did they find a Pinto? Joyce is kind of a boss she got a phone and a pack of camels for free and two weeks pay in advance.
Am I trippin or did the news call the power company a completely different name? If they did who are The Bad Men supposed to be pretending to be? I wonder why Hop didn’t notice the goop on the wood.
I need to know how them getting 3rd in the science fair was political what was their project? How does she know? It’s almost like she was about to start hyperventilating did she see him in her sleep because as much as the Demogorgon scared her I can’t imagine her looking for him on purpose. Was the baby not strapped into her car seat because Mikes mom got into the house way too fast.
I feel like Hop should be concerned that one of his officers was gullible enough to believe that anybody could survive that drop into cement I mean water.
Man these govt people suck Justice for Benny.
Lonnie doesn’t have a single picture of his kids in that house if he did his girlfriend would know who Jonathan is.
Shout out to Dustin for picking up on keywords like ‘Danger’ and El is racking up favorite character points with the double door slam topped off with the locked door El is in the lead as my favorite 2nd is a three way tie between Joyce Mike and Dustin.
Lonnie won’t be getting father of the year anytime soon but his car is sick 1972 Oldsmobile 442 I ain’t mad at it at all. I don’t know why people in small towns swear that people in the city are more ‘real’ you have bullshitters everywhere Lonnie should know he was fake In Hawkins and the only thing that changed was his address and the car he drives.
Barb wasn’t invited to the ‘party’ (double date) and Nancy knows this Steve said do you wanna come to my house not you guys y’all or any other variation. Nancy begging her to go and using Wills vigil as her suggested excuse says a hell of a lot about her character she knows that it’s only supposed to be the four of them because again this is a double date her making Barb be the 5th wheel so she would feel better sucks.
Mike choking on his milk cause he sees El coming down the stairs followed by Dustin’s ‘spasm is still funny but Nancy using Wills Vigil to sneak to see her boyfriend still rubs me the wrong way.
And that torn piece of El’s gown makes its appearance good eye Mr. Clarke.
The boys use so many words she doesn’t know I wonder how lost in conversation she was in the beginning. Dustin looked so grossed out by the spit swear part and I don’t blame him. El looked super suspicious of what Mike was saying about friends telling each other things that parents don’t know.
Parking 3 blocks away is a little excessive. Barb really should’ve just dropped her off and went home. Nancy should know her best friend well enough to know that parties aren’t her thing. Nancy likes to play stupid but she’s not she should’ve just gone by herself there’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with the guy that you like but dragging your friend along is unnecessary.
Ew Hop wears tighty whiteys wait who is that lady? So I have the subtitles on and they say her name is Sandra still don’t know who she is but at least we got a name.
El’s powers are crazy strong no wonder they want her back so badly she touches the D&D board closes her eyes for a second and knows which piece is Wills. Dustin is in the drama club? I wonder if he is a lighting and sound guy. You can tell that shit just got real to these kids.
Quick question how close do the Byers live to Steve? I mean for Jonathan to hear Carol scream it’s gotta be pretty close maybe Will had to run way farther than I originally thought. Everything about Barb screams ‘I don’t wanna be here’ shorty still has her coat on she looks extra uncomfortable you can tell this isn’t her thing Barb is a better friend than Nancy deserves. She cut her hand trying to shotgun a beer to make Nancy happy and when she goes inside looking for bandages Nancy doesn’t help she stays outside and plays with her not boyfriend and his ‘friends’ There’s a strong ass lesson about peer pressure wrapped around these five. Jonathan has gotta know that this is creepy I mean he’s hiding behind a bush damn near frantically taking pictures of the popular kids having fun how’d he switch so fast from looking for his brother to this weird shit?
This is the 2nd phone Will burnt up tryna call home man they are $30 a piece man we need a better communication attempt. Ask and ye shall receive sidenote I really do like this song I wanna learn to play the intro where is the dog I know the Demogorgon didn’t eat him but he just disappears. I feel bad for Joyce she’s always alone when the weird shit happens because the Demogorgon coming out the wall like that was some scary shit and nobody but us saw it. That’s how you know she ain’t worried about somebody running off with her whip Joyce has the doors unlocked the windows rolled down with the keys in the visor.
I don’t understand why she begged Barb to go to this thing if she was gonna have sex with Steve anyway and then talking about go home how Nancy she’s supposed to be spending the night at your house to help cover the truth about what’s going on. And Barb being half stubborn half a good friend goes down to the pool to wait for her friend to finish losing her virginity so they can go Barb should’ve gone home and ignored Nancy the next day at school. How did Jonathan not hear The Demogorgon growling or Barb scream and he was what 30 ft from the pool?
#JusticeforBenny#JusticeforBarb#stranger things#Stranger Things#StrangerThings1#Stranger Things Season One#The Weirdo on Maple Street
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I talk about you so much, that when I introduced you to my coworkers, they mentioned how excited they are to finally meet my partner. - Indruck
It’s summer in Kepler, and time for the annual 4th of July picnic for county and state employees. Duck always enjoys the picnic, usually brings along Jane or a friend. But Jane is still gone, most of his friends are away on vacation, Aubrey is off on a getaway with Dani, and Ned is working the Cryptonomica.
Which is how Duck settles on the idea of bringing Indrid with him. The seer has said he wants to spend more time around other people, and is more willing to go outside now that it’s summer. Not to mention Duck loves being around Indrid; sure the guy is a bit weird, but he’s good-natured and interesting to talk to, doesn’t mind when Duck talks about trees for twenty minutes.
When he pulls up to the campground, Indrid is already waiting for him outside the Winnebago, hops into the car and flashes Duck his usual wide smile. He looks less messy than usual, and is wearing a bright blue tank top in place of his standard white one.
“Excited?” He asks as he turns back towards the main road.
“Very. The futures show a high number of sweet drinks present at the picnic. And I’ll get to spend the day with you, one of my favorite pastimes.”
Duck smiles back at him and Indrid squeezes his knee fondly. Odd, the Sylph isn’t normally that demonstrative.
They find a spot near Greenbriar Park, not too far from the picnic area, and Indrid helps Duck carry the two immense dishes of potato salad he made (his moms’ recipe). As they’re setting them on the table, Juno sets a plate of Ambrosia salad on the other side.
“Hey, Duck.”
“Howdy Juno. Oh, uh, this is -”
“Indrid” Juno smiles, holds out a hand that Indrid shakes, “seen you once or twice at the ranger station, nice to finally meet you.”
“Likewise, and I am very glad you did not die in that crash a few months ago.”
“Uh, thanks? So, Duck says you’re an artist?”
“In a way, I find it helps me understand the world better. Though I suppose if I stay in Kepler much longer I ought to look into more stable employment.”
“Good to keep busy. Then again, he’s always had a soft spot for takin’ care of folks.” Juno glaces Duck’s way with a smirk before excusing herself to go talk to someone else. She can’t be implying what Duck thinks she is. Can she?
“Let’s go grab some grub.”
“Sounds lovely. Incoming.”
“Wha-ACK!” A stream of water catches him on the neck, Indrid stepping behind him for cover. Two shrieks of laughter come from the pair of girls looking up at him and he smiles.
“Now, now, Lark and Robin, ain’t sportin’ to sneak up on a fella when he’s unarmed.”
“Sorry mister Duck.” They say in unison.
“What did I tell y’all about usin’ those squirt guns here? Oh, hey Duck.” Pigeon steps behind her nieces, giving them a scolding look.
“Hey Pigeon, no harm done, felt kinda refreshin’. Dove’s workin’ today?”
“Yep, big sis can’t close the restaurant on a day with such heavy traffic, so I’m watchin’ the girls. Hey, Indrid.” She waves and Indrid returns the gesture, before kneeling down and asking to see one of the squirt guns, which Robin enthusiastically hands him.
“A fascinating device.” He examines it for a moment before spritzing Robin, who shrieks with delight.
“Never had a super soaker growin up?” Pigeon asks.
“No, I did not.” He squirts Duck without looking, making the others laugh (including Duck).
“You still livin’ at Eastwood?”
“Yes, why?”
“Dunno, thought this one mighta gotten a U-Haul and moved you in from the way he’s been talkin about you.”
“Is that so?” Indrid arches an eyebrow at him and Duck blushes, tries to stammer out an explanation.
“Oooooh, mister Duck has a cruUUuush” Lark singsongs, Robin joining in as Pigeon covers her mouth to stifle a laugh.
“I, uh, I, gotta go get some food.” He waves goodbye and books it towards the tables, Indrid following him after returning the squirt gun.
“I’m glad you’ve only been telling people nice things about me.” He picks up a plate, begins loading it with everything from the dessert table.
“Instead of?”
“That I’m a harbinger of doom, or an unsettling urban legend, or a weirdo who lives in a trailer Oooh! Fruit punch.” He dumps red liquid into a cup, heads over to an empty table.
Duck shakes his head as he finishes filling his plate. Why is everyone assuming they’re dating? Sure, he talks about Indrid, but he talks about lots of people.Not that he hasn’t thought about dating Indrid; he’s just happy being friends and doesn’t want to make things weird by asking him out. He’s so lost in thought that when someone murmurs, “nice catch” and tilts their head in Indrids direction he nods without thinking about it.
By the time he gets to the table, his supervisor is sitting across from Indird, chatting amicably about how excited he is to meet Ducks partner. What strikes Duck this time is that when the man mentions the tree health project Duck is working on, Indrid perks up and begins offering his thoughts on the project, following the thread of it (which causes most people’s eyes to glaze over) perfectly. Which means he’s been listening to Duck when he rambles on about it.
“….I even checked something out of the library to help me understand the ecosystem health better so I could grasp the scope of the undertaking.”
Oh, Jesus, he’s been doing extra reading do he can talk about the things that are important to Duck. The fondness that spikes in his chest at that is far from platonic.
The next hour is a study in realization for Duck. Specifically, the realization that he does talk about Indrid a lot, and that many people in town have already formed positive opinions of the taller man and of his relationship with Duck. Worryingly, their opinions on the relationship are accurate; Indrid does make Duck happy, Duck does look after him, Duck does gaze at him dreamily when he’s talking. It’s the part where they’re not dating that everyone seems to be missing.
They’re walking down in the shade along the river, catching a break from all the noise and movement, and settle for awhile on a rock.
“Thank you for bringing me Duck.”
“Don’t mention it. Nice to have the company.”
“I like getting to meet all the people you’ve been telling me about over the past few months.”
A pause, watching the river flow by.
“How long ago did you start telling them we were dating?”
“I, uh, I didn’t. They all just assumed we were.”
“Oh. I see.” Indrid looks down at his hands, picks at his shirt. He sounds disappointed.
“I mean, we ain’t datin and I can’t lie, so they all must’ve jumped to the same conclusion.”
“Indeed.” Indrid is still looking down, lips pursed.
Duck shifts closer, holds his hand out on the rock between them.
“We ain’t datin’. But I ain’t opposed to that changin’.”
“Really?” Indrid looks up, eyes hopeful behind his glasses.
“I’m real fond of you, Indrid. If you wanna give bein’ boyfriends a go, I’m all for it.”
Cold fingers find his own, and then Indrid leans in and kisses him, and he knows they’ll skip the fireworks tonight because nothing could compare to the ones bursting in his chest at the feel of Indrids lips on his.
“Duck Newton, will you be my boyfriend?” Indrid whispers.
“I like the sound of that somethin’ fierce, Indrid. Besides, seem’s like everyone already knows you’re the fella for me.”
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Sixteen Candles: Part One
Summary: It’s the day that Vivian has been looking forward to nearly her entire life: her sixteenth birthday. But between her sister’s wedding overshadowing her big day, and praying that her crush Billy Hargrove will finally notice her things aren’t going too well for her. If she can just survive the under the sea dance at her school and avoid the really weird and creepy Tommy H her night might be salvageable. Maybe.
Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC
A/N: I’m cracking under the pressure and writing one of the 80′s teen movie inspired fics for Billy. I meant to get this up a few days ago on my birthday, but we all know I’m horrible with deadlines. This is gonna be a mini fic, probably around six chapters in total. And I’d say it’s an AU. I hope you all like it! We get to see more of Cheryl Burns from Arcade Dreams which I’m pretty excited about.
Vivian’s house was chaotic on a good day. Weekday mornings went by in a tornado like blur as she and her older sister Carol got ready for school and her parents readied themselves for work. If it wasn’t Carol and Vivian arguing over who got to use the bathroom first, it was Vivian yelling at Carol for using up all of the hot water and borrowing her clothes without asking. Their mother had given up on cooking her family a big breakfast once both of the girls had started high school, and now the two sisters all hurried around the kitchen dodging each other while fixing themselves a bowl of cereal while their father practically choked down some dry toast and coffee. That was a normal morning. This week had been been anything but normal.
Vivian’s older sister Sarah was getting married in two days. The only catch was that Sarah her fiance Kevin lived in Florida. Which meant that all wedding planning was taken over by Vivian’s parents. Which meant that their household had gone from chaotic to nuclear war zone. The phone was constantly ringing. If it wasn’t a florist or a caterer or someone that was calling with questions about the wedding, it was Sarah calling nearly in tears over how scared she was that her wedding would be anything less than perfect.
Tonight would be a slight reprieve though. Her parents were driving a few towns over to pick Sarah and Kevin up from the airport, and wouldn’t be back until the middle of the night. Their mother had absolutely forbidden them from taking any calls regarding the wedding. They’d been instructed to take a thorough message on the notepad their mother had left on the fridge and that was all. “I want homework done as soon as you get home. There’s leftovers in the fridge so no ordering pizza. I want you both in bed by ten and absolutely no friends over.” their mother had said. That last part had been mainly for Carol. She’d been known to throw a few impromptu get togethers anytime their parents were gone for the night.
Vivian never really minded. Even though she and Carol got along as well as two alley cats, Vivian always covered for her. Regardless of the fact that Carol’s boyfriend Tommy was an absolute weirdo and Vivian always spent most of the time hidden in her room to avoid him, there was one reason that she was so willing to look the other way when it came to Carol’s parties. Billy Hargrove.
The crush Vivian had on him was absolutely shameless. Just like every other girl at her school, Vivian had it bad for Hawkins’ resident bad boy. They definitely weren’t close or anything. They barely interacted. If Vivian was ever brave enough to leave her room when Carol had friends over he might say hi or give her a nod in the halls at school if she could work up the nerve to say something to him. Of course Vivian had it all built up to much more in her mind. Countless times she had fantasized about saying a flirty hello to Billy in the hall, and that nod would be followed by him sauntering over, taking her in his arms and kissing her so hard she’d forget her own name.
But there was one other thing getting in the way of Vivian’s fantasies ever becoming a reality ...aside from the obvious of course. Cheryl Burns. Cheryl was Billy’s pseudo girlfriend. They weren’t quite friends with benefits. They weren’t really even friends. But they both hung out in the same circle, they were both freakishly attractive and Billy was of course more than willing to pretend to be Cheryl’s date every once and awhile in exchange for...well, Vivian didn’t really like to think about what those two were most definitely doing. And it wasn’t like Vivian wasn’t attractive. She was just painfully shy and awkward. But those two things definitely didn’t work well with trying to get a boy’s attention.
Which was why she was stuck up in her bedroom and watching down on Carol and her friends wistfully from her window. The usual crowd was there. Tommy H had brought a twelve pack of beer, Nicole had brought some guy along (Vivian was pretty sure his name was Curt), and Cheryl was placed delicately in Billy’s lap. It was still warm outside. The weather was somewhere between summer and fall, so Billy could comfortably lounge out by the pool in a pair of jeans a light blue button up shirt. Vivian wanted to rip the buttons off with her teeth.
She shook her head wildly to get the image out of her mind and reached for the pale yellow phone that sat next to her bed. She quickly dialed her best friend’s phone number, her leg bouncing nervously as she waited for her to pick up.
“Hey, Viv-”
“He’s here.” Vivan hissed, keeping her voice down as if somehow the group outside would hear her.
“...Who’s there?” Robin asked.
“Billy! Carol invited them over since my parents are off picking Sarah up.” Vivian explained, looking down once again at Billy who still had no idea she was even home.
Robin sighed loudly on the other end. “Viv, I really don’t get this whole Billy thing. I mean aside from the obvious reasons. The guy’s a total douchebag. He’s like the douchiest of douchebags. And I’m pretty sure he uses more hair product than you do.” Vivian rolled her eyes at the joke.
“Okay, so he’s not exactly Prince Charming,” Vivian agreed. Robin let out a snort. “But he’s not that bad. I mean he’s like mysterious. Dangerous.” she explained. Try as she might, Vivian had never really been able to explain the appeal of the whole bad boy type to Robin. She always just looked at her like she was speaking some foreign language.
“Can you even hear yourself?” Robin laughed.
“Oh shut up,” Vivian said with a sigh. “Robin, this is the worst. He’s in my backyard and I’m up here like some sort of peeping tom.”
“I gotta be honest, Viv. That’s pretty pathetic.” she teased.
“I know.” why couldn’t she just go downstairs and talk to him? He was just a boy. Vivian told herself it was because she didn’t want to hear Carol bitching at her that she was trying to scare her friends away or she didn’t want to deal with Tommy and his flirting with her (if you could really even call it flirting). But she was a chicken with a capital C. I’m totally gonna die alone, she thought with a groan.
“Look,” Robin began with a serious tone. “He’s right downstairs. He’s not dating Cheryl. You should just go ask him out. Bite the bullet. I mean, it’s not like you’ll die if he says no or whatever.” it had always driven Vivian crazy how Robin could have such a casual attitude towards everything. She didn’t think there was a thing out there that could scare Robin. Well, except maybe one thing.
Vivian crossed her arms. “I’ll ask Billy out the day that you ask Tammy Thompson out.”
Robin was silent for a moment and Vivian could practically hear Robin rolling her eyes dramatically. “...Touche,” was all she said. “Listen, I’m changing the subject now. What do you wanna do tomorrow?”
Tomorrow was Vivian’s sixteenth birthday. Something she had been looking forward to practically her entire life. A girl’s sixteenth birthday was a big deal. A right of passage. She’d finally be able to drive. Initially she had a whole plan laid out. Her entire day had been scheduled from morning until night. But then Sarah called to announce that Kevin had proposed. And then they decided they’d be getting married the day after Vivian’s birthday.
Then there was the under the sea dance at school. Hawkins High was trying to put a fun spin on their homecoming dance or something. It had been announced on the school’s morning announcements about a week ago. And Vivian had no intention of going. She and Robin never had any interest in those sorts of things. Carol definitely would, but Vivian wasn’t exactly bummed out over the idea of her sister missing out on any birthday plans she had.
It just so happened that Kevin’s parents would be flying in on the night of Vivian’s birthday, as well as her grandparents. So her parents gave her and Carol a choice; either go to the dance or have dinner with Kevin and his parents at Enzos. Vivian decided the dance would be the lesser of two evils.
“Ugh, I don’t even know anymore. Maybe we can catch a movie or something? I think Red Dawn is still out. Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey.” she said, wiggling her eyebrows. They probably wouldn’t have to stay at the dance long. Carol wouldn’t rat Vivian out for ditching solely on the principle of Vivian constantly covering for her. And it was better than spending the night trying to explain to her grandpa how the new TV worked for hours on end.
“I do love me some Swayze,” Robin joked. Vivian let out a snort. “If that’s what you wanna do, birthday girl, then that’s the plan. Listen, I gotta go finish some biology homework. Try to stop stalking Billy, okay?”
“I’m not stalking,” Vivian argued before sighing. “...I’ll try my best. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“You know it. Later, dork.”
Vivan smiled and rolled her eyes. “Later, dweeb.”
She could still hear the sound of Carol and her friends hanging out by the pool, so Vivian decided it would probably be safe to head down to the kitchen. She could see from the top of the stairs that the small light above the stove was on, but she assumed Carol had left it on so she and her friends could see to get in and out of the house. She definitely wasn’t expecting to see Billy rummaging through the fridge.
Vivian stopped short in the doorway and let out a small “Oh.” when she saw him. There was a brief moment when she was deciding whether to go back upstairs or not, but before she could decide, Billy spotted her.
He did somewhat of a double take when he saw her. Almost like he was making sure he wasn’t just imagining seeing someone in the doorway. He flashed a slow, easy smile her way and Vivian nearly gulped. “Hey, Viv.” nearly everyone she knew called her Viv. And yet somehow no one else managed to give her that tingly feeling that shot up her spine like Billy could whenever he said her name. Robin was right, she really was pathetic.
“Hey…” she shifted awkwardly, not moving from her spot in the doorway. Say something you idiot, she scolded herself. You’re alone with Billy Hargrove in your fucking kitchen. Say something!
Thankfully he beat her to the punch. “Nice shirt.” He said, nodding to the oversized Tank shirt she was planning on wearing to bed. The three headed hellhound that adorned her shirt was almost looking up at her judgmentally.
“Hmm? Oh! Thanks! Yeah, uh my dad took me to see them a few years ago as a Christmas present.” she’d definitely gotten her taste in music from her dad. Back in the day he’d followed the Grateful Dead whenever they toured and he joked that he had the Kiss logo tattooed on his ass. Vivian kinda didn’t believe that one though. There was no way her mom would marry anyone with a tattoo of anything on their ass.
Billy raised his eyebrows and let out a chuckle. “Your old man is definitely cooler than mine,” he pulled out a can of Coke and held it up in offering to Vivian. She gladly took it and mumbled out a thanks before taking a long sip. Billy watched her quietly for a moment before nodding his head towards the patio. “How come you’re not out there with everyone else?”
Vivian rolled her eyes in a way that she hoped came off as casual. “Carol always says I’m trying to steal her friends or whatever.” she said with a shrug. That was the nice version. “Don’t think that you’re cool by association just because you’re my sister. You’re definitely not.” Carol had said once after Vivian asked if she could tag along to some house party Carol had been invited to. So Vivian gave up trying to hang out with Carol after that. Tommy and Carol would give her a ride to school and a ride home and that was about the extent of the relationship.
“Yeah,” Billy said. “She can definitely be a bitch when she feels like it.”
“You’re preaching to the choir,” Vivian said with a snort. She bit her lip when Billy let out a small laugh. This was it. This was her chance. There wasn’t anyone else around. She should just ask him to the dance. Robin was right, what was the worst that could happen? “So um...are you going to the dance tomorrow night?” she asked, trying to keep her voice sounding as calm and casual as possible. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that she was sure Billy could probably hear it.
He made a face. “Probably. I’m pretty sure Cheryl’s gonna drag me along,” he rolled his eyes. Vivian’s heart dropped down into her stomach. Of course he was going with Cheryl. She would never miss an opportunity to flash off whatever sort of relationship they had. Cheryl would never pass up on making the other girls from school jealous. It was what she lived for. “What about you?”
Vivian was so shocked he asked that she almost didn’t respond. She cleared her throat loudly before giving a small shrug. “Yeah. It’s either that or a rehearsal dinner for my sister’s wedding,” she rolled her eyes. “I mean, you’d think they’d let me skip out on both since it’s my birthday and all…”
“Oh yeah? Well, happy early birthday. One year closer to the sweet release of death.” Vivian felt her cheeks grow hot at the way Billy grinned at the snort she let out. She was grateful that the kitchen was dark and he couldn’t see how red her face probably was.
“Thanks...um, I have homework I gotta finish up so I should…” she jabbed a thumb in the direction of the stairs. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Billy nodded, a faint smirk on his lips. “Sounds like it. Later, Viv.”
Vivian let out a sort of quiet, strangled, nervous laugh before turning around and all but bounding up the stairs. She sighed loudly once her door was closed behind her. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot,” she scolded herself. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” She repeated in a mocking tone. She threw herself dramatically down onto her bed.
If Billy thought Vivian was a total loser after that interaction he’d been gracious enough to hide it from her. So much for small miracles, she guessed. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach that later when Billy was driving Cheryl home he would bring up Vivian’s pathetic attempt to ask him out. The thought of them laughing at her made Vivian let out a loud groan.
At least tomorrow was her birthday. She would wake up to the smell of the blueberry pancakes her mother always made for her birthday, her dad would crack his “boy, you sure are getting over the hill, huh, sweet pea?” Joke he cracked every year, and when she came home for school it would be time to open presents before Sarah, Kevin and her parents headed off to meet Kevin’s parents. If she focused on that then her run in with Billy didn’t seem so bad.
Only that’s not exactly what ended up happening. Vivian woke up to a morning that wasn’t quite as chaotic as usual. It was so quiet that Vivian felt like something might be wrong. She’d almost wondered for a second if somehow she’d woken up late. There were no pancakes. No birthday jokes. Instead her father was running around an otherwise quiet house like a headless chicken. “Has anyone seen my briefcase?!” he called, poking his head into each and every room he walked by. He barely passed a glance in Vivian’s direction. Weird, but Vivian was willing to accept that he was just distracted.
Her mother was in the kitchen with Sarah and Kevin. “...Morning.” Vivian said wearily as she walked in. Sarah was the only one that looked up.
“God, Vivian what did you do to your hair?” Sarah gasped. Vivian frowned, reaching up to touch her red hair. “Who let you cut it? You’re a bridesmaid!” her sister’s face was growing more and more red by the second. “We’ll have to put it up. This is completely unacceptable. Mom, did you approve of this?” Kevin didn’t even bother to look up from his newspaper. Which was typical of him. He practically wouldn’t speak unless Sarah told him it was okay.
Vivian’s mother rolled her eyes. “It looks fine, Sarah. Leave it. Vivian, do you want toast?”
Vivian blinked a few times, wondering if maybe she was just dreaming. Or maybe they were trying to pull some sort of prank on her. “Um...no. I’ll get cereal I guess if there aren’t pancakes…” she said, looking carefully at her mother.
Her mom let out a snort. “Not unless you’re making them. Okay, I have to get going. You’ll get a ride with Carol?” she asked, turning to look at Vivian. She could only nod. “Sarah, you have to meet with the florist in an hour. I’ll be home at five.” she shot Sarah a pointed look before walking out.
Vivian opened and closed her mouth a few times.
“Jesus, what crawled up your ass?” Carol asked with a dramatic eye roll as she walked into the kitchen. She looked at Vivian’s pajamas and scoffed. “And will you get dressed? Tommy will be here soon and I’m not waiting for you. If you’re not ready by the time he gets here you’re taking the bus with all the other dorks.”
Vivian looked at her sisters. Carol was shooting her a dirty look while Sarah looked at Vivian and her hair with a nearly disgusted look. She silently spun around, heading up to her room, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it.
“I don’t believe this...they fucking forgot my birthday.”
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Dr. Stan
Summary: Sebastian is readers boyfriend, and he’s a successful dentist Reader needs her wisdom teeth out and he does it for her. Mention of Chris Evans, his dental assistant. Fluffy and detailed.
Characters: Sebastian Stan, Reader, Chris Evans
TW: Dental, Dentist tools/talk, Medication, Anxiety
Weekday nights were for relaxing, and that’s exactly what you planned on doing. It was a little after five and you were waiting for your boyfriend of four years, Sebastian to come home. His career in dentistry allowed you both to live in a New York penthouse, while your career in journalism allowed you to have connections with the celebrity world. You’d been relaxing after a long day of work, watching whatever TV show you were currently binging on Netflix. You were mostly trying to keep yourself distracted, as a pain in your back mouth arose earlier today. You were eager for Sebastian to get home and check it out for you, because something didn’t feel right.
Minutes later, the door handle jingled and in walked your tall, muscular, lean, blue eyed man. He was currently wearing your favorite look, a full beard and hair that stayed up and in place like it was meant to. This man was so damn attractive to you.
“Hey babe!” He excitedly spoke to you. He had a laptop bag around his shoulder, to which he placed on the table in front of him. You got up and went to put your arms around him. He’s six feet tall, and you’re a decent five nine. The height difference wasn’t too much, but his tallness made you feel safe, always. Your grip was tight, you had been waiting for him for a while. “Hi love” you finally mustered out. He took his arms and wrapped them around you tightly, resting his head on yours.
“Busy day?” You asked unwrapping yourself from him, so you could make eye contact and see his face.
“No, not really.” He replied with a soft smile on his face. You nodded then hugged him again. After minutes of standing still and hugging, you both finally released each other and got situated for the night. You took a seat back on the couch, and Sebastian started up a meal for you both to enjoy.
“Hey, can you make something kinda soft to eat? Like soup or something.” You kindly asked.
“Of course. Any specific reason?” He replied.
“Yeah babe something in my mouth hurts.” You stuck your finger to the back of your gums, feeling around it. “I feels like a tooth or something I don’t know it hurts.”
A look of concern grew over his face. He didn’t like seeing you in pain. “Where exactly does it hurt?” He walked closer to you.
“Like right behind the very last molar in my mouth.” You we’re familiar with dental terms as Sebastian often talked about his work with you.
“Uh huh, and it feels like, pressure kinda?” He asked.
“Yeah, like the gums are about to burst.” You laughed as you said this. “Any idea what it is?”
“I would have to look to be sure, but it sounds like your wisdom teeth are coming in.” He replied.
“Dear god really? At 26?” You and him were ten years apart, nothing too out of ordinary. You were successful for your age and definitely didn’t act like someone in their late twenties.
“I mean yeah, not everyone gets them out at the same age, everyone’s different.” He replied.
“You’ve had yours out, right?” You softly asked.
“Yup back in high school actually. I don’t remember it too much, all I remember is being out of school for like two weeks so that was awesome.”
“Awe I can imagine you in high school, I bet you were adorable.” You were grinning widely at him. He started to blush at your words.
“Oh yeah if you think a chubby, nerdy, braces wearing weirdo was adorable sure.” He sounded embarrassed.
“Um yes, I do.” Your face was still one of a stupid grin. “Braces babe? Of course, shoulda known, your teeth are straight as a rail.”
He nodded at you while holding in a laugh.
“Do you want me to check your mouth for you? Or no.” He asked.
“Would you mind?”
“Absolutely not. Come on.” He guided you into the bedroom. He motioned his hand to your shared king sized bed. “Lay down for a second.”
“Ooo this is getting kinky.” You joked. His face looked one of amused but serious.
“No Y/N,” he laughed. “Maybe later.” He lightly teased. You gave him an agreeing nod. He was digging in the closet that was located directly in front of the bed. He was looking for some emergency dental tools that he kept in the house, for whatever reason. He finally pulled them out to reveal a long, leather looking bag. He walked back to where you were laying down on the bed. He plopped himself at the head of the bed, placing a pillow on his lap.
He lightly tapped the pillow to you, “Put your head here love.” You did as he told, your head resting against the pillow on his lap, as your face was looking up directly at his. He smiled down at you looking at him.
“You still look hot from this angle.” You told him. His cheeks went noticeably red again. He situated himself on the bed, opening the bag to reveal a few tools. A mini mirror, a pointed tool, and a flashlight was taken out of the bag. You reached up to grab his hand, looking deep into his eyes. “Please don’t hurt me.” Your voice was soft.
“I’d never.” He smiled back at you. Your face fell to one of peace. He started putting on a pair of gloves he also took out from the bag. Sebastian was the dentist you saw for the past four years, and seeing him with gloves and tools wasn’t new. The flashlight he took out somehow turned into one that could be attached around the head, making it hands free. He had the mini mirror in his hand, moving it directly towards your mouth.
“Love,” he smiled down at you. “Can you open for me?”
“Anytime, doctor.” You we’re trying to make it sexual, but he wasn’t into it.
“Come on babe,” his mouth opened above you, “Ahhh.”
You open your mouth for him to look into. You laid there still as you felt the mirror maneuver around your mouth. His gloved fingers were holding your mouth open, as he carefully looked around. Your eyes were looking up at his beautiful blue ones, watching the concentration in them. He used a finger to feel the very back of your mouth, right behind a molar. He leaned in closer to get a better look, as his face was about an inch from yours. You wanted to kiss him so bad. He then grabbed for another tool with a slight point on it, to which he carefully poked your gums.
“Ah ow.” You barely got out as his fingers were making you unable to talk.
“Sorry sorry!” He exclaimed, removing his fingers and tools from your mouth. “You okay? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His eyes were sympathetic.
“It’s okay Seb, but I felt that poke or whatever. What is it, why does it hurt?” You questioned. Your head was still resting on his lap pillow, him still looking down at you, lovingly.
“It’s your wisdom teeth love. They’re coming in.” He replied.
“Shit. Okay. Can you take them out?” You sounded eager.
“Right now?” He sounded confused.
You laughed at him, “Yeah, right here. In this bed.” Your tone was sarcastic.
“Sure sure, let me just get started.” He caught onto the sarcasm and played along.
“I meant, can I come into your work this week or something, and can you take them out for me?” You asked sincerely.
“Of course. When did you want to come in then?” He asked.
“Uh, Friday? I don’t have anything major going on.”
“Friday works.”
“Thank you love. You’ll always be my favorite.”
“Favorite, person or dentist?” He joked.
“Mmmm both.” You laughed.
“Good.” He leaned down and pressed his soft lips to yours. You both smiled into the kiss, making you kiss each other harder. One thing lead to another, and you both ended up cuddled in your king sized bed together.
Friday morning came along, as you awoke to Sebastian taking a shower. You gazed over at the clock. 7:48 a.m.. You groaned, you hated early mornings as a lot of your work was home based, with the occasional outside work. You slept in most days, waking up around 9 or 10 each day. You loved it. Sebastian walked out of the bathroom, a towel around his lower body. He noticed you were awake as he spoke to you, “Goodmorning my love.”
You groaned at him, not waking to be awake.
“What’s wrong?” He softly asked.
“I hate mornings, you know this.”
“I’m sorry. But you gotta get moving, the appointment is at 8:30.”
You groaned again. “Right. That.” He looked at you sympathetically again, trying to be comforting. You got yourself up and ready, preparing for wisdom teeth extraction. You weren’t nervous, you knew you were in the best care of your life. You just wanted it over with so to say. Sebastian told you he was taking a day off work to do this for you, so he could take care of you after it was over. Meaning, the two of you would drive there together.
“If you would have woken me prior to your shower, maybe I’d be more willing.” You told him in the car on the way there.
“Ah yes, true. You just looked so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb your beautiful self.” You both laughed.
His office is only 20 minutes out of town, as you both made your way there shortly. He walked over to your side of the car, leading your hand out like a gentlemen. Your hands interlocked as you walked into the building together. Sebastian had a private practice, to which he only had one or two people on staff for reception, and about 4-5 hygienists who helped out with exams and procedures. He called everyone but one of his hygienists Chris off for the day. Chris hadn’t arrived yet, so it was just you and Sebastian alone in the building. He made his way towards his desk, as you took a seat on the sideline chairs. Not the actual dentist chair, it wasn’t time yet.
“Okay, let me give Chris a call and see where he’s at. Then we can get started.” Sebastian said as he pulled his iPhone from his back pocket. You watched as he softly spoke on the phone with his assistant. “He’s on his way.” You nodded, taking out your phone to pass the time. Sebastian was moving around the space in a quick like fashion, getting everything set up. You looked up when you heard a squeaking sound that came from an IV bag type thing you’d see in a hospital. Your eyebrow furrowed at it.
“Why” was all you were able to spit out.
“It’s the anesthesia. It’s going to put you under.”
“What the fuck, why” you asked again.
He laughed. “You wanna be awake, love?”
You shuddered. “Nope, guess not.” He flashed another smile your way, as he continued to set up. You remain unbothered as you continue messing around on your phone. He finished up getting everything set, as he took a seat next to you.
“Doing alright?” He asked.
“Um, yeah. I’m good.”
“It’ll be okay, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
“I know,” you let up a smile. “I’m not worried.” He pulled you in for a hug, resting his head on yours.
“I keep forgetting the amount of space and privacy you have in here.” You we’re looking around the large office space. It consisted of one chair for the entire practice, surrounded by counters against the wall which just made the space look huge.
“Yeah, it’s nice.” He replied.
“A nice place to have sex” you muttered under your breath. Sebastian caught your comment as he lunged forward to look at you. “Dear god Y/N” he was laughing.
“Am I wrong? You can literally place me on that chair and fuck me so hard and I would not complain.”
“I mean,” he paused. “One day.” He replied slyly.
You were interrupted by a knock at the front door. Sebastian stood up and let his assistant, Chris into the building. You’d seen him before but never really met. Whenever you had appointments here, it was just Sebastian who did your cleanings and exams.
“Hey Chris thanks for coming in.” You heard behind you.
“Oh not a problem! Thank you for letting me help out today!” He was very enthusiastic. The two men made their way to the back of the building towards where you were sitting.
“Hey Chris this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” Sebastian gestured towards you as another tall, blonde man walked in.
“Y/N hey!! I’m Chris, it’s so good to meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you.” He was speaking with so much passion. You both shook hands as you greeted each other.
“Hey hi, nice to meet you.” You we’re amused at his pleasantries.
Sebastian walked over to the computer in the corner of the room, talking to Chris about dental things. You couldn’t really make out what they were saying, not like you’d understand it anyways. Their conversation ended as they both turned to look at you. Sebastian’s eyes were warm and his smile was light. “Ready, darling?”
“I suppose.” You stood up, putting your phone in your pocket. You took a seat on the dental chair, getting yourself comfortable. He always made you feel at ease here. Not like the dentist ever made you uncomfortable, but it’s not really comfortable either. You sat there patiently as Sebastian and Chris got themselves situated behind you. You must have missed the wardrobe change as the both of them appeared in front of you with long, white coats on. Sebastian looked incredibly hot like this, but you had to keep your chill as Chris was in the room. Sebastian lightly grabbed your arm, wiping down the veiny part with a sanitize wipe.
“What’s this?” You asked.
“The anesthesia enters through your bloodstream, through an IV.” Sebastian told you as he held a tiny needle in his hand. Your eyes grew cold at this.
“Right…” your tone wasn’t pleased.
“It’s just a pinch, okay?” He was smiling widely at you as he stuck it in without you even noticing. “It’s in.”
You looked down at your arm, seeing the needle in it. “My god Sebastian you are just one, fine doctor.” This made Chris laugh, and Sebastian turn red.
“In about 10 seconds I’m going to turn this on and you’re going to pass out. I’ll see you when you wake up.”
He kept talking as you slipped unconscious from the medicine. Sebastian and Chris gathered their materials for the procedure, getting to work. It only took them about an hour, until all four of your wisdom teeth were out.
You began to wake up, unaware of your surroundings. Sebastian had moved you to one of the couches in the building, trying to make it more comfortable.
“Sheb” was what you muttered out, not knowing your entire mouth was filled with gauze. Sebastian and Chris were in the operating room, as Sebastian heard you talking and rushed to you. He parked himself next to you, wrapping an arm tightly around you.
“Y/N hi,” he spoke softly.
“Where am I” you continued to speak through the gauze.
“You’re at my practice, love. You just had your wisdom teeth out. How are you feeling?” His voice was so soothing.
“Oh ma gah ‘our ‘oice” you tried so hard to talk normally.
Sebastian laughed at your comment. “What? My voice? What about it?”
“It’s so pwetty.” you replied. Yet again, he blushed red. He wasn’t all that great at taking compliments, clearly.
You noticed your talking was weird so you brought your hand to your mouth, feeling the gauze hanging out. He rushed his hand to yours, not letting you do anything. “No love you gotta keep that in. Your mouth is bleeding, this is to help stop it.” He spoke to you.
“Okay.” you replied, putting your head on his shoulder.
“You ready to go home, love? It’s just you and me today, we get to enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the day.” He was smiling. You nodded, as you tried to stand up and he helped you.
“Thank you again, Chris. I’ll see you on Monday.” Sebastian spoke to his assistant.
“Not a problem! See you Monday, take good care of her!” He joked. Sebastian laughed as he dragged you into the car, taking you back home for the day. He carried you up the stairs to your penthouse, laying you down carefully on the bed. He curled up next to you, using his strong hands to stroke your hair. You rolled on your back, your face being revealed to Sebastian. Your mouth was pretty much hanging open, as you were completely out of it. He noticed the gauze was soaked in red, knowing he had to change it. Sebastian got out of the bed to go grab more gauze from the kitchen.
“Don’t leave.” Your hands were gripping his white t-shirt.
“I’m just heading to the kitchen babe. I need to change your gauze.” He softly spoke to you.
“No.” your grip still on his shirt. He looked at you with love, flattered by the fact you didn’t want him to leave.
“Give me 10 seconds and I’ll be back. Use your fingers.” He said as he lifted your hands to your face. You began to audibly counting to ten as Sebastian quickly ran into the kitchen and back. Returning with more gauze, he carefully opened your mouth to remove the soiled ones. With your mouth being free to speak, you said to him “kiss me.” He looked at you slightly confused. Your eyes fixated on his, as you repeated your words.
“I gotta change your gauze, love. I don’t want to hurt your mouth.”
“It’s just my lips.” You spoke again. Sebastian placed the old gauze in a plastic bag he brought with. He debated whether or not he was going to kiss his heavily under the influence of drugs girlfriend. He did want to, and you were being extremely soft right now. He gently placed his lips to yours, not trying to press too hard on your mouth. You smiled into it, widely. “Thank you.” you said to him. Your eyes slowly closed after this, you were very drowsy. Sebastian carefully opened your mouth to put in new gauze. You weren’t fighting it or anything which made it easier for him.
“Sleep now, love.” He whispered to you as you drifted off to sleep, and he parked himself directly next to you. The two of you laid there for the next several hours before waking up.
Late afternoon came around, as you groggily awoke. The bed was empty, you were sprawled out across the king sized bed. You were extremely disoriented, not sure what was going on. You looked to the clock, looked around, then looked at yourself. You were in normal clothing. “Sebastian?” It didn’t come out clearly, so you spit the gauze out on the side of the bed. You called out again, slightly worried. Nothing.
“Sebastian, are you here?” Still silence. You forced yourself out of bed, and into the kitchen. No one anywhere to be seen. If you weren’t waking up from heavy medicine you might not be as worried, but you had no idea what was going on. You planted yourself on couch, waiting to see what would happen. Seconds later the door shimmied open, to reveal Sebastian with arms full of what looked like food in plastic bags.
“Sebastian!” You cried out, running to him. You nearly toppled over him with excitement. “Y/N hi!” He replied with the same enthusiasm. You helped him put the bags he was carrying down on the island. When his hands were free, you pulled him in for a big hug. “What happened.” You asked, without tone.
You heard him laugh a little at your question. “Um, I took out your wisdom teeth.” He replied.
“Oh my god that was today? My brain hurts I can’t even think.” He kissed your head at your response.
“You did amazing babe. You’ve been sleeping for four hours now. I got your favorite,” he opened up the plastic bag in front of him. Your eyes lit up as you saw your favorite chicken noodle soup in the whole city. The place that serves it is an hour away.
“You went all the way to Brooklyn to get me soup” you were smiling and emotional. His hand reached up as he tucked a piece of your long dark hair behind your ear.
“I’d literally do anything for you.” You embraced each other yet again. “Come on love, let’s eat.” As he guided you to the table.
“Uh wait, sorry,” he stopped you. “I need to check your stitches really quick. Are you still bleeding?”
“I don’t think so?” Your voice was uncertain.
“Come here.” He walked over to pick you up, and place you in the island, throwing a bunch of things off it.
“Holy shit are you about to fuck me.” You whispered seductively.
“Y/N stop suggesting that oh my god.” He laughed. “No, babe. Lay down I need to check your stitches.”
You groaned. “Fine.” You begrudgingly laid down on the island counter. Sebastian took out his iPhone flashlight, pointing it at your mouth. “Open.” You did as he said. He checked the stitches in your mouth, using his strong hands to hold your mouth open, as you were struggling a bit.
“Okay they look good, doesn’t look like your bleeding. But after we eat you’re putting more gauze back there.” He told you.
“That’s fine.” He helped you off the counter, pulling you in for a tight hug. “My mouth hurts though, I don’t know if I can eat right now.”
“Not a problem! I picked up your pain medication too, here let me get it.” He ruffled through the bags he brought it. He retrieved you a glass of water and handed over two pills for you to swallow.
“Thank you.” You said after swallowing them down.
“Come on let’s go lay down, I’ll get you an ice pack too, that will help with the swelling.” You nodded, as you headed into the bedroom and he retrieved an ice pack.
His hands were also holding a long piece of gauze, and you frowned at it. “It’s so you aren’t swallowing blood, Y/N.”
“Okay.” You opened your mouth as he carefully placed the gauze back into the back your mouth. It tasted so bad and felt so weird, you wish you didn’t have to endure this.
You both ended up cuddled on the bed, his arms holding you close.
A couple hours passed, as the two of you napped together on and off. “How are you feeling.” He sleepily whispered to you. “Mmm.” You couldn’t speak with the gauze. He pulled it out, letting you talk. “It’s better now, thank you.” He rested his head against yours.
“I love you, Y/N.”
You rolled over to see his face. Your noses were touching as you stared into his eyes. You planted a kiss on is lips. “I love you.”
#dental#dentist#dentistry#wisdom teeth#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#i tried so hard to make it like him as much as i could#fucking imagine sebastian stan as a dentist#as your dentist#killme#im a lesbian but i'd marry him
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08.08.12005
Goodness, it has only been one week since he arrived in Octo Valley to do his military service, and he had this obnoxious reputation of being “That One City Bumpkin”
Most of these kids have known each other since birth, they were thick as thieves and Angelo...was not - this is what you get when you’re known as Mister New Guy.
“Oi.”
Ugh, the nonchalant tone irritated him to no end. At this point he didn’t even turn around, since it was most likely to be mocked for his Inkopolis upbringing.
“Marimo? Talking to you, Marimo.”
Exasperated, the newcomer turned around to see one of his squadmates...the red-tentacled weirdo with too many piercings. Caritas, was it?
“Ugh. What do you want, Caritas”
The other Octoling was a little shocked at such hostility
“Whoa, cool your jets, Marimo. Just wanted to tell you that you look cool and I think we should be friends.”
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10.07.12208
“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, they’re gonna know it’s us!” Angelo said with a tint of worry in his voice.
“Nah, Bellwether and his red squad can suck it. Blue squad for life, and what we did is just gonna make them look like the losers they are.” Baptiste replied.
“Oh wait....you still got that crush on Bellwether, right? Can’t see what you find in a stuck-up guy like him, Anju.”
“I don’t have a crush on him! What are you talking about” Angelo shouted, as his cheeks were flushing madly.
“All holier-than-you because he got top marks. Like, he must have the most boring life ever, with hobbies like...I don’t know, he’s probably awesome at doing laundry!”
“Baptiste, you can’t say that about people...”
“No no! It’s something like doing the dishes, or cleaning up kettles. Something super beige!”
“BAPTISTE!”
“Oh, I see. Perry and Anju, sitting in a tree, k-i-s...”
“I swear I’m going to murder you.”
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05.15.12212
“You never considered dropping a good word for us on the surface?” Perry smirked.
The four of them have been sitting around the campfire - it was the last evening before Angelo went back to the surface, for his summertime job at Camp Triggerfish - the cover-up for his spying job.
“I have! It’s just that you three have been so busy! I mean, you just got promoted to a commander position, Cillian is almost done with his medical studies, and Baptiste...”
“Baptiste’s not busy. He’s just afraid of the surface.” Cillian sourly mocked, as he opened another beer bottle. “I mean, why would you willingly deny a permanent spot up there, Caritas? You’d have been perfect as a surface overseer.”
“Me? With responsabilities? Are you fucking shitting me, Hamelin. The day I get any form of power in Octo Valley is the day everything goes in the goddamn toilet.”
Perry whistled to grab everyone’s attention, as Angelo, Baptiste and Cillian systematically turned around; even they weren’t used to their friend’s new show of authority.
“Come on, it’s not time to bicker about our career plans - we’re the future and we gotta celebrate that. It’s gonna be september when we’ll all be together again, so we better cherish that moment.” he said, as he softly embraced his husband.
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05.28.12015
“Have you considered that this could be the biggest mistake in our lives, Perry?”
The taller Octoling didn’t answer Angelo’s question, which wasn’t much of a surprise; he didn’t answer much of anything since their separation anyway. However, Bellwether still roped him in the plan - his skills were still needed
Angelo felt a familiar hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Baptiste, steady, reliable Caritas was there for you.
“Bellwether’s still giving you the cold shoulder, right? I’m sorry it didn’t work out - the two of you were such a good couple.”
“I don’t want to talk about that, Baptiste. Not tonight. I’m...”
“I know you’re stressed. But, all you gotta do is run. Don’t look back, just run.”
“But what if something happened to one of you?”
“It doesn’t matter. Your job is to run. We’ll be fine and in Inkopolis in a couple hours, maximum!”
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12.12.12017
“I’d appreciate if you didn’t contact me anymore, Angelo.”
Seeing these cold words from the one who called himself his best friend only a couple months ago, completely blew Marimo away.
Granted, 12017 had been horrible all around, with Perry filling for divorce in the dead of February, saying that he couldn’t mend differences with him. To be honest, Angelo was more than eager to procrastinate signing the agreements - he never wanted that separation.
Learning that Camp Triggerfish’s turfing licence wasn’t renewed didn’t help, but at least, Perry was more...willing to dialogue when he learned about it. By the end of June, they were almost on civil terms.
Until Bellwether’s kettle collapsed. With him inside.
Yeah, 12017 was all around shitty and New Years couldn’t come soon enough.
The only answer Angelo could answer to this message was a placid “Why?”, three letters that were answered by a series of heinous messages concluding with something that sounded like :
“Do you think I have time to give to surface pissbabies? I have high responsabilities, this world relies on me now. Just get lost and enjoy your stupid dead-end job while I’m climbing up in society. dwi.”
Angelo would have loved to reply, but he noticed that he got blocked.
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08.13.12019
It could happen any time, now.
He’d been waiting near a dumpster for three hours, now, but garbage scavenging wasn’t really why he was there. Someone was coming.
It was the talk of the town. An octarian high officer exiled for high treason towards the Valley. From what Angelo could tell, people were torn - they agreed with the message sent, but...maybe the way it was done was a little extreme.
Angelo didn’t mind - while he was a pacifist, sometimes, the revolution didn’t have to be kind. The manifesto was a breathe of fresh air, and if he only had one thing to tell its author, it was that he agreed with what was said and done.
And then, he saw the person he was waiting for. Granted, he looked worn-out, two brushes strapped on his back, the type of guy who didn’t quite grasp he made it to Inkopolis.
“Oi.”
The newcomer vaguely turned around to see Angelo’s Eye of Justice staring at him, and it was obvious he was uncomfortable.
“Caritas. Talking to you, Caritas.”
Angelo removed his familiar headgear, to look straight in his old friend’s eyes
“Just wanted to tell you that you look cool, and I think we should be friends.”
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Meet the Women Shaping Southern Hip-Hop | Momentum
(dramatic music) (hip hop music) I feel like southern rap got a whole lot to do with the music today. Right now the spotlight is on the girls in the South. Being in a male dominated scene is one of those things where if you don't have tough skin, and if you don't mind being left out, you know, it would get to you. Because I identify as a woman, there's so much stuff that I get told that I'm not supposed to be doing. I'm gonna do it ten times harder, just to spite you. When a strong woman is in the building, the presence is felt. (moody music) (background rapping) (piano music) I write my own raps and they be real. If it ain't what I'm going through, it's what someone close to me going through, and it's pretty much, why people can feel you know, my lyrics and understand. You know, everybody can't live the perfect life, because life's not perfect. My name is La Chat and I'm a female rapper from Memphis, Tennessee and I been rappin' forever. (rap music playing) I used to do a lot of talent shows and a lot of people love me doing talent shows and Juicy and them end up sayin' Hey, Chat, we want to sign you. I say, y'all want to sign me? He say yeah, so I came along we did the Hypnotinize Mind. "Chickenhead" was the first platinum song that came out of Hypnotize Mind, period. The first video that was playing in LA. The first song on the radio that was played in LA. Chickenhead, and it went platinum. And that was really my breakthrough, my debut. I was one of the rappers that I never feel like I had to show my body to make it, you know. Like I said, my name is La Chat, you all can Google me. I always wore the big, baggy clothes, always wore the T-shirts, always wore the hats everywhere, because I wasn't selling my body. I'm selling music, I'm not selling body. I'm not looking for no dudes, I'm not looking for no girls. Nobody can never say, ooh, look at that, they always say have you heard La Chat? Ooh, she's bumpin. You ever see they tell DJ Paul, where did you get this girl from? You know my lyrics is like, you can't be writing lyrics, and I'm like yes, I am. You know, I'm from Memphis, so to me, I'm like the lyrics weren't very impossible. But you know, people that don't know me, the streets, and Memphis life is like where this girl et this stuff from? The hardest thing I had to do in life was walk away from Three 6 Mafia Hypnotize Camp. The money wasn't adding up, you know, to what I thought it was supposed to be. I decided I wanted to do my own thing. You know, well, I said it's time for me to be Chat. Yeah, people, just up north and they ain't even from the South, they sound like Southern rappers. In our way, we love it. It don't get no more rhymin' no more guttery, no more Southern than this. Like I say, you hear it in my voice, we are Southern. (laughing) We got golds, we got tattoos, it's the real Southern truth. (hip hop music) I was a mystique, I wore a mask. Nobody knew who I was. They couldn't touch me. I was surrounded by dudes that called themselves 666. I'm Gangata Boo, southern female hip hop pioneer. My first song with the group was a solo song, that's how dope I am. Memphis artists can rap if I gotta beat and I studied that, I practiced that all the time. I practiced making my voice clearer. I practiced being very detailed in what I say. I practiced how I deliver the word. Being a fuckin rapper, from Tennessee, without no fuckin platform is not the easiest thing. So the resilience, you know, the discipline, the moving with finesse, the swag, and the not giving a fuck, being original. I think that is what has helped me. No one even sounds like their own borough, their own city state, whatever you call it because they adore and admire our town. Instead of me being bitter about it, like a weirdo, I embrace that shit, because I've never changed my shit. I don't compromise who I am at all. And people will try to make you do that in order for you to get ahead a little bit faster. But I'm not willing to do that at all. I'm bbymutha and I'm a female rap artist from Chatanooga, Tennessee. I had my second set of twins, I moved into my grandmother's house and my grandmother had like, dementia. So I was having to help take care of her and I was at home all the time, by myself, with my grandmother and two newborns and my older two kids. So I started writing and seeing what I could come up with, and it was like the only thing keeping me from going crazy, a little bit. I can be who I am and I can be proud of being where I'm from and everybody wants to sound like they're from the south, anyway. Chat would get on, you sent her a track and she would eat it up and I respect that. I respect people that can really do what they do. My rap style, I think I'm very graphic and I'm really into like painting a story, and like using different metaphors to kind of like explain simple situations. To make them more colorful. I'm inspired by of course, La Chat and life in general, inspires my music style, my rap style, my creative style. I just think a lot, so my music is a product of all of my thoughts. (hip hop music) Yo, you can't give your pussy to a nigga who not used to gettin pussy, because that pussy gonna be everybody's business. You can't sell dope to these niggas, because they broke and they snitchin', got some niggas with some straps up in your business. You can give your pussy to a nigga who not used to getting pussy When I was put in Muthaland, I originally wanted Rico Nasty on it, but she was touring. Me, Rico, and Chat are mothers. Music is supposed to heal people and make people feel good. When I go in a group and I'm having a bad day, I want to make myself feel good. I want something where when I listen to in the studio, I can listen on the way home and say, wow. (chill music) My name is Rico Nasty. I am 21 years old. I am a rapper. I am a mother and a director and a producer. I would go to school, typical, I'm around guys, they're freestylin', we freestylin' together. I jump in it. Boom! I'm freestylin with the guys. I knew about bbymutha when I was a regular person. I listened to bbymutha, I still listen to bbymutha. Like, I knew about bbymutha when I was in the tenth grade. She is dope and she's a mother, so that's inspiration in itself. My mom listens to La Chat, a lot of fire producers come from the south. They always do. When I was in Memphis, it was very eerie, but it was fire. I come from a very dark area, too. But all in all, when you go to places like that, where it's really rough, and it's dark, it be some of the brightest, happiest muthafuckas there. They just like positive vibes because they be around so much negativity. A lot of girls out here who are really fire and that's really what win my heart over. It's the originality and the sound, you know. You being yourself. I meet you in real life, and it's not an aesthetic on Instagram. It's like that's really how you talk, that's really how you dress, that's really how you call some bullshit out. Women have children and rock the shit out they lives and not care about what people have to say about them. About them raising their kids, like the confidence that it takes to be a mother, that shit is very inspiring. (rapping) Yeah. There are a lot of southern females that don't get the props like they deserve. You know, Gangata Boo before me, and then I came along and this my sister, I love her. I told y'all we argue, we love one another. But we never got to fight, we never get in each other's face. I feel like female rappers absolutely support each other. There is a group of us. If you don't play, you gotta play with the boys. You gotta be rappin harder than the boys. We the type of mothafuckas where we don't like anybody to step on our toes. We don't like anybody to get in our way of what we want in life. I think what's helping change is that we're finally starting to see, like hey, look at these guys. Like they're blowing up fast as shit, we should do the same. If we put each other on, instead of being so damn intimidated. . Read the full article
#bbymutha#bestfemalerappers#bestrapmusic#femalerappers#gangstaboo#hiphop#hiphop2018#hiphopmusic#lachat#Music#musicradio#nashville#nashvilletennessee#newrapmusic#rap#rappers#redbull#RedBullMusic#RicoNasty#southernhiphop#tacobella#tennessee#three6mafia#threesixmafia#undergroundrap#womenrappers
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Not Human - Part Eight (Final)
Loki x Original Female Character
Warnings: Body horror, tooth rotting sweetness
Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven
The two weirdos finally get their heart-to-heart, and it is as sickly sweet as it could be.
Alice’s room was a nice change from the rest of the Avenger’s, the rich earth tone a warming contrast to the cold white and chrome the haunted the rest of the compound. The miniature forest of potted plants that seemed to have taken over the room, leaving very few surfaces uncovered.
Loki ran his finger along the leaf of a nearby plant, his fingers ghosting over one of the paper-like orange flowers.
Alice cleared her throat and nodded her head to the plant. “That Alistair, he is a flowering maple. One of my favorites.”
He glanced back at her, a brow arching. “You name your plants?”
She made an indignant noise in the back of her throat. “Of course I name my plants,” she reached over and pulled Loki further into her room. “Helps them grow better.” Cheeks pink, she quickly snatched up a handful of tan blankets from a small, brown futon that was shoved in the corner of the room and dumped them unceremoniously on the floor. She motioned to the futon and gave a faltering smile. “Have a seat. Any chairs I may have had are now currently plant stands so the only seating I have is the futon.”
Loki did, smoothing his hands down his legs to rest his hands on his knees. Alice sat down stiffly next to him and let out a quiet puff of breath. She kept her eyes downcast and picked at a hole in her pants, slowly pulling the threads apart with her razor claws.
“I guess..,” she cleared her throat. “I guess we should finish last nights little conversation.” She let out a high pitched noise that was caught between a giggle and a full-blown laugh.
Loki shook his head and shifted his gaze over to her, fingers curling against his knees. “Only if you wish to. I would understand if you would rather leave my question unanswered.” Loki’s gaze dropped and he pulled his hands into his lap. He shifted away slightly, giving her an out.
Alice looked up at him, brows knitting together. She rubbed her face and let out a soft puff of breath. “That’s not it,” Alice angled herself to look fully at him and pursed her lips. “What we said we meant. Yes, we said it while blinded by rage, but that doesn’t really change that it is true.” Loki caught sight of her cheeks flushed before she dropped her head again, hiding behind a curtain of dull red hair.
“I..,” Loki swallowed thickly, at a loss for words. “I will admit that anyone feeling anything positive towards me is surprising.” Alice peered up, brows scrunched together. “I believe that, before this,” he waved his hand between them, “continues, I need to explain a few things about myself.”
Alice leaned back and gave him a gentle smile. “If it’s what you need to do, go for it. Anyway, it’s only fair.” Her smile turned wry. “I mean I did tell you my whole damn becoming an extra on the Thing so, ya know, only fair.”
Loki stood, smoothing his hands down the front of his suit. He starting pacing, fiddling with his hands in silence. “You may or may not know that New York wasn’t my first attack on Earth.”
Alice shifted, pulling her legs up on the futon. “Yeah, you were the cause of that town in New Mexico not really being a town anymore? That big...robot thing?”
Loki gave a small nod. “Yes. I-...prior to my brother’s banishment I found out my true parentage and it doesn’t sit well with me, I lost myself as it were. I discovered my life had been a lie. I am not Asgardian, I am from Jotunheim and am a Frost Giant.” Loki glanced at Alice, a pained look crossing his face. She unfolded herself from the futon and stepped over to him. Her right hand hovered above his chest, hesitating only a moment before pressing down flat.
Loki went still and looked down at her, only to be met with a half smile. “Not gonna lie, I have no idea what a Frost Giant is, so I have no real point of reference for why that is such a bad thing to find out.” She said, voice quiet.
Loki let out a huff of laughter. “The Jotun were the monsters parents told their children about, a race of creatures that were feared for endless years, and suddenly I found that I was the spawn of one, their own king. I did not handle the revelation well.” He reached down and brushed his fingers along her cheek, just under the unblinking eye. “We are both monsters from children’s tales. When you said you were infected by the Endless Ocean I- I had- I had a small flicker of hope for once- that, that someone would be able to understand.”
“Hey,” Alice whispered, “us monsters gotta stick together.”
Loki gave her a tight smile. “Since my discovery, I have made many poor decisions. Many of these have had a lasting impact on the universe as a whole and I must live with what I have done, the deaths that I have caused- my own- my mother. I will never be capable of making amends for what I have done. It is why I had agreed to Doctor Strange’s plan in the first place. Thanos was, in part, my own fault and if I had died doing this, then perhaps I would have made some small redemption.”
Alice gave his chest a pat and lifted her hands to cup his face. “You fucked up. We all do. I mean look at me! At least you didn’t basically eat half of your own family.” Loki’s eyes widened at that and she gave her head a small shake. “You just learn to live with it. If you don’t it will drive you absolutely, fucking crazy.” She grinned up at him. “Anyway, you aren’t alone in this. You have your brother, hell even some of the others Avengers would be willing to give you a chance. Bucky would. So would Steve. Steve has a heart of fucking gold, and I think, once he sees what and why these things happened, he may be there. And well, hey- You, uh, you got me.” She finished, voice fading to a hoarse whisper. Loki was still, face blank as he worked to process what she said. Alice pulled her hands away and started to step back to allow him space, allow him the time to work through her words. She got a half step away before Loki stopped her.
Alice’s protest was cut short as Loki leaned down and stole his name from her lips. She fell into it, pressing herself against him as her eyes slide shut, her heart pounding in her ears. He pulled away, just barely, breath ghosting over her lips.
“I apologize. I should have asked.” Loki said, hand splaying on her back.
Alice cast him a dopey smile. “It’s fine...it was. yeah, no it was fine!” Her voice got higher, until she managed to squeak out the last part, another blush fighting it’s way up her cheeks. Loki pulled her into a hug, folding his long arms around her.
Alice made a small noise and pressed her face into his chest. “So does this mean you uh..,” she cleared her throat, “Uh...fe-”
“Yes,” Loki whispered into her hair.
“Oh, good,” Alice said, voice going up in pitch. “If not that would have made this really, really awkward and I don’t have that kind of energy right now.”
Loki gave a warm laugh and Alice revealed in the sound. “I suppose that would make things a bit less agreeable.” He rested his hands on her shoulders, thumb pressing lightly against the curve of her throat. He drew his brows down and frowned slightly. “This is not something I am familiar with...” He waved his hand in the air. “I have kept everyone at arm's length for much of my life. It seems I will have to work on changing that.”
Alice reached up and gave his cheek a small pat. “Yeah I’m kinda garbage at the whole people thing as well or the whole being around people or being with people. I guess I am lucky that I haven’t had to wall myself off since, ya know, I can look kind of off-putting.” She poked his chest and grinned up at him. “You, on the other hand, are an absolute snack so you had to do the whole emotionally closing yourself off thing. Cause I know there had to of been people after you, and if there wasn’t Asgardians are insane or blind. Or both.”
Loki blinked down at her, a look of confusion falling into place. “I-I am a what now?”
Alice blushed and buried her face in her hands, muffling the ‘oh god’ she groaned out. She looked back up at him, eyes sparkling. “Sorry, I forget you don’t know some of our old Earth slang. Basically, you are attractive to the point it should be illegal.” She glanced away, cheeks still flush and chewed on her claws.
Loki ducked his head and let out a low chuckle. “Only this illusion of me I’m afraid.” He stepped back and let the illusion drop. Alice’s brows shot up and Loki looked away. “This is what I am. The monster.”
Alice stepped towards him, laughing. “Loki, between the two of us, I’m the one with teeth and eyes where they really shouldn’t be.” She grabbed the edge of her shit and lifted it the show just the bottom of her ribs where a thin line of small teeth were starting to form. “Most of my wounds do this now.” She scrunched her nose and dropped the shirt. “So, let’s put it this way,” She grabbed the lapels of his jacket, forcing him to lean down. “We are freaks, there isn’t getting around it. But so is everyone else here, we just wear our freakiness on the outside.” She was a hairsbreadth from his lips and she peered up through her lashes, a small grin tugging at her lips. “So,” she whispered, breath warming over his cold lips. “Let’s be freaky together.”
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max and the breakfast club (bmw 3)
bullymagnet week, day three: detention.
follows on the heels of day one and day two so read those first.
.
Somehow, he thought school jail in Mayview would be… more than this.
Max has been in detention for ten minutes by this point, and he can feel himself actually getting bored. Life lately has been so full of terror and nonsense that he had a little trouble recognizing the feeling at first but, yup, that’s what it is. Boredom.
Oh, for sure, the room does appear to have a population startlingly similar to the characters in The Breakfast Club, at least if you’re willing to consider Max the brain. Which, well, he has one, and that’s more than can be said for most of the rest of this town, so the comparison sort of holds. Johnny is obviously the rebel, so there’s another match. Granted, the jock is a ghost, but he has been pretty quiet, just like the recluse and the beauty (actual students Max does not recognize), so at least that’s something.
Actually, even Johnny has been quiet, busy scribbling away at a piece of paper in front of him. Garcia snoozes behind the desk, the other kids are quiet, Max taps on the desk and half-heartedly considers doing homework to live up to his role here. Nope, he quickly decides, he’s never gonna be that invested in any kid of bit, let alone an unintentional one that Mayview apparently generates on its own. Besides, none of the cool stuff he’s heard was in the movie is actually happening. This detention is basically like all detentions. It definitely does not live up to the hype Starchman gave it.
Sighing, Max drops his chin into his hand. He’s got nearly an hour left to go, the only book in his bag is flipping The Hobbit which got him into this mess in the first place, and after everything he doesn’t even have his hat back. This whole day (except lunch) has been a bust.
Well. Crawling through the improbably-large vents with Johnny was kinda fun, but that’s probably just his adrenaline addiction talking. None of that to be found here, anyway. Might as well take a page from Garcia’s book and nap his way through what he can of this –
Just as Max’s eyes slide shut, a paper airplane hits his head. It actually lodges itself in his ear, sending him bolt upright with an undignified yelp that has everyone turning around to look at him.
“Heheh, um,” Max grins at them, airplane crumpled in his fist under the desk. “I sneezed?”
“Do that on your own time,” Garcia yawns, subsiding back into a pile on his desk. The pretty girl two desks ahead of Max takes a minute to inspect her long hair, presumably for boogers, before wrinkling her nose at him and returning to texting under the table. The jock ghost goes back to flexing each individual chest muscle. The recluse in the back lets her bangs fall back down to cover her face completely, and Max catches a glimpse of an earbud.
Two desks to Max’s right, Johnny is back to dutiful scribbling, complete with furrowed eyebrows and the tip of his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth. He’s fooling no one.
Glaring at Johnny, Max slowly unfolds the airplane, setting it on the desk in front of him. It reads:
Do you wanna ice cream
Underneath, there’s boxes to check either ‘yes’, ‘nah I’m a weirdo or maybe lactose intolerant’, or ‘only if it’s floating’.
Max blinks. He looks up, but Johnny is completely absorbed in his fake studying even though he is pretty obviously just drawing squiggles, so he ends up just reading the note again a few more times in confusion.
Why would the ice cream be floating, he finally writes back, then as an afterthought makes a new box for ‘is this for another time or are you saying you have ice cream on your person???’ and checks it.
Folding the paper up into a square, he balances it on his thumb and flicks it back, aiming for Johnny’s eyeball. Sadly, the shot falls short, ending up lost in the row of desks between them. Johnny sits upright, staring at it with unnecessary focus. Slowly stretching out a foot, the bully gradually slides down in his seat until his hair is level with his desktop, in an effort to get the note without actually getting up. It’s… not exactly what Max was going for, but the sight’s pretty amusing nonetheless, and he can’t help smirking as Johnny strains only two inches away from the edge of the paper.
Eventually, Johnny catches the note with the tip of his toe and drags it back swiftly, picking it up before hunching intently over it. Max continues to watch with interest, because even though Johnny’s hunched too low to really see his expression, he kinda looks like he’s getting red again.
The returning note would have hit Max in the face if not for his excellent reflexes. As it is, he hurts himself trying to instinctively catch it with both hands, and has to take a minute to breathe through his teeth. He really misses PK. The little guy must’ve gotten full or something, since it wandered off and hasn’t yet returned. Honestly, that’s not much of a problem anymore since the cast does its job, except for when Max forgets he’s injured… which he tends to do way more often than anyone with his amount of parkour experience can justify.
Johnny looks almost concerned. It’s weird, but also a little disappointing because if he were blushing he definitely isn’t anymore. Not that Max has any special reason to care if he’s blushing or not, but. Uh.
Do I look like the kinda dingus who carries ice cream around everywhere, I meant taking it from you scream in the back, Johnny has written under Max’s checkmark with what looks to Max’s eyes like classic defenserence. Also, he’s circled the part about floating ice cream and written WE KNOW underneath all ominously, with wiggly letters and everything.
Since Max has no idea what Johnny knows about floating ice cream (or what anyone could know about something like that, to be honest), he just flat out ignores that bit – but he can’t help turning in his seat to look at Recluse in the back. Yeah, that girl actually does have a cooler under her desk. Okay, weird.
Just because I let you draw on my cast and crawled through the ceiling with you, doesn’t mean I want to bully anyone, Johnny. You know, maybe it’s something to do with them beating me up and breaking my stuff, but I don’t actually like bullies.
So maybe Max’s note back is a little harsh, but, uh, at least it’s the truth. Getting invited to join in on bullying really bothers Max. Sure, Johnny is kind of endearing with his love for his friends and his cheerful enjoyment of violence. He doesn’t seem to really have anything against any of the people he bullies, so much as he just enjoys wreaking havoc, and Max kinda gets that to an extent. Plus fighting with him is… almost fun, sometimes.
But still. Max has been bullied before. He’s not a fan of the institution.
Two seats over, Johnny’s eyes get very very wide and he starts blinking rapidly. His cheeks are flushing red again, but along with what looks weirdly like hurt on his face his fist is clenching around the note and, oh boy now he’s baring his teeth. He looks like he can’t decide whether to murder Max or cry, which. Wow. He knew Johnny liked him more after hitball, but –
He reaches into his bag, but all his notebooks are in his locker; all that’s in there now is metal junk and that dumb book. Fishing through his pockets luckily reveals a gum wrapper that has seen better days and at least two wash cycles, but at least there’s no gum in it.
Maybe some other time though, Max quickly scribbles onto it, before rolling it up and pelting it at Johnny’s face. He definitely doesn’t want to admit that he feels guilty for calling a bully a bully, that’s not what this is, it’s just. Gotta encourage interpersonal growth or whatever. That’s all.
Upon reading the latest note, Johnny’s anger dissolves off his face in favor of a very wide, very wobbly grin. He looks up to meet Max’s gaze for a second, flushes, and then props his elbow up on the back of his chair as he glances around the classroom, like he’s trying to look all cool and unconcerned.
It’s… kind of adorable?
Who knew Johnny was such a dork when it came to trying to make friends.
Max is still marveling at this revelation, when he spots a flash of a familiar blue inside Johnny’s open jacket. Widening his eyes, he has to resort to gesticulating wildly to get the other boy’s attention since he’s out of paper and throwing a magnet would probably wake Garcia up.
As soon as Johnny notices Max’s charades, any hint of him ever being something like innocent or adorable slips away in favor of a grin made of pure evil and possibly shark teeth implants.
‘Oh, this?’ He pantomimes in very fake surprise, before reaching into his jacket and taking out MAX’S HAT. Far from returning it, even though that was the whole reason they both ended up here, he pretends like he’s never even seen it before. Johnny silently oohs and ahhs over every inch of it, before turning it around backwards and planting it on his own head.
Max’s hands hit the desk, hard.
“GIVE THAT BACK JOHNNY,” he whisper-yells. “JOHNNY. TAKE IT OFF.”
Johnny puts his hands behind his head, silently pretending to whistle.
“YOU-”
“SHHHHHH,” the ghost jock says, “Some of us are trying to serve our time peacefully, man.”
Both Max and Johnny shush him right back with extreme violence, then the girl shushes them, then the weirdo in the back starts hissing, and finally Garcia wakes up with a loud “SNNMRF.”
“No talking in detention,” he intones menacingly… then meets Max’s eyes. “Ugh, you.”
“Mr. Garcia, I need my hat back,” Max says daringly, arm straight up in the air. “Or I don’t know what kind of weird stuff I might start saying.”
Blackmail is a filthy, filthy business, but by golly does it feel good. He almost gets why Suzy is so dedicated to the craft. Garcia blanches, and instantly orders Johnny to return Max’s hat. The bully does so with an impressed look on his face, darting intrigued glances between the teacher and Max, but he doesn’t care.
He’s too busy pulling his hat on, adjusting it to maximum comfort level. His head, which Ollie kind of had a point about feeling naked without it, is finally back to normal and it feels good. He almost wishes he’d thought about using his blackmail on Garcia sooner, though he’s not sure Starchman would have cared.
Max shoots Johnny a triumphant grin, tapping the brim of his cap with two fingers.
The bully stares at him for several seconds, eyes wide and not appearing to breathe, before dropping his face flat to the desk with a thunk. He puts his arms over his ears and doesn’t move once for the rest of detention.
It takes almost half an hour to let out, but even stuck back in the same silent torture as he was before the first note flew his way, Max somehow feels anything but bored.
Instead, he puts his hands behind his head and silently pretends to whistle.
#bullymagnet week#bullymagnet#paranatural#my fic#johnny actually obeys the rules of detention most of the time#rj though talks a lot in detention it's super metal#also at one point in drafting johnny wrote a poem about his friends just thought i'd share that#it was terrible he has no talent with words
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Hope Idiotic | Part 14
By David Himmel
Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.
CHUCK CLAIMED HE WAS ATTENDING AA MEETINGS ON A REGULAR BASIS. So each morning, Melvin stuck his nose right into Chuck’s open mouth and told him to breathe. These closed-door sessions were disguised as short, daily program meetings so as not to drum up any suspicion that something covert was going on. Not that anyone could have guessed that Chuck was allowing his superior to huff his morning breath.
“If he wasn’t such a weirdo, he’d buy a Breathalyzer,” Chuck told Lou over the phone one morning on his drive to work. “We can’t have beers at lunch anymore, and I try to have my last drink by ten so any trace of it is gone by the morning. I also sleep with three Life Saver in my mouth.”
“Aren’t you concerned you’ll choke?”
“Nah. Gina is spending the night pretty regularly. If I choke, she’s there to save me.”
“You could just brush your teeth, floss, use mouthwash. Not drink.”
“Nah.”
“Won’t you eventually have to show Melvin proof that you’re going to the meetings? Don’t they give you a chip or something?”
“I’m going to tell him that I don’t feel AA is right for me, but thanks to his faith and support I’ve been able to kick the bottle. All the guy wants is to be appreciated; feel like he saved someone. I’ll throw some of that bullshit his way.”
“You’re walking a thin line, man. How are things with Gina? Have you heard from Lexi at all?”
Lexi had asked him to lunch on a Saturday. He told her he was working on the magazine. She suggested Sunday. Same excuse. The truth was that he had plans to drive to Joshua Tree National Park with Gina. How about dinner at Bella’s next Monday might? she asked. He couldn’t avoid her forever, and he didn’t want to. There was a part of him that missed the dull sex and the Bible reading at bedtime.
Lexi was wearing new makeup and had a new hairstyle. He told her she looked pretty. She always looked pretty to him, but the makeup and hair, on top of not seeing her for a few months, made her seem like a new woman. It made her exciting to him again.
“I’ve been thinking,” she said.
“I’ve missed you.”
“If you want… we could… maybe we could see each other again. But take it slow, not rush into anything.”
It was what Chuck hoped she would say. But was it a good idea? What would he do about Gina? She was more or less living with him at the house, and he did not want to slow things down with her. Lexi still had her key and the garage code, and he had just made a key for Gina, who also knew the garage code. As nice as it was having both women around, there was a damn good chance that all of it could blow up in his face.
Maintaining a life of lies wasn’t easy. He had to watch the same romantic comedies twice. He had to regularly think of believable excuses about why either one couldn’t stay at the house. Gina began leaving her preferred groceries at the house, and Chuck would eat everything so that Lexi wouldn’t question why he had a box of Kashi cereal in the cabinet. Gina, then, was confused as to where her food went. She must have eaten it, he told her. Because he would never touch her food. That would be rude. Gina, worried she had developed a sleep-eating disorder, stopped buying groceries for his house. Chuck was, without malice, leading her toward a path of anorexia. But, hey, whatever kept the pantry clean.
Lexi traded the Bible for a libido, but what was even better was that she was still willing to help Chuck out with his finances. Even though his mother’s health was currently stable and wasn’t causing too many additional expenses at the moment, the interest rates on his credit cards and the outstanding medical bills were barely manageable. On top of that, the IRS began garnishing his wages. Because Liberty’s publisher didn’t deduct taxes from Chuck’s paychecks, Chuck chose to just not pay on what he earned. It was a proud stance of libertarianism. He ignored Lou’s and everyone else’s advice against it. “Screw the IRS,” he’d say. It didn’t matter to him that the publisher claimed the payroll and that the IRS would, at some point, come looking for what was due.
With the wage garnishment, Chuck’s take home from Tigris was little more than two-hundred bucks every two weeks. He obviously couldn’t pay any of his bills or rent with money like that. Lexi was giving him between five hundred and one thousand dollars every month. Most of that money went for his mom’s medical bills and to keep the utilities on in the house, put gas in his car and also to buy beer and pay for dates with Gina. He canceled the insurance on his car, stopped making the car-loan payment and quit paying Lou altogether.
Melvin was thrilled with the sobriety illusion Chuck created. Lexi was happy just to be with him and was confident he’d pay her back once his wages were returned to him in a few months. After Gina saw a text message from Lexi show up on Chuck’s phone, she knew the exes were talking again. But he assured her that the conversations were rare and that he wasn’t interested in dating Lexi. He even placated her with the idea of marriage when she brought it up one night over dinner.
He had built a sturdy fortress of bullshit, but cracks were starting to show.
To: [email protected] From: [email protected]<Louis Bergman> Subject: Rent
CK– Like I’ve said before… Don’t worry about the rent. I told my grandparents that things are tight for you right now but that we’ll figure something out. They know about your mom and all that, so just pay the utilities and credit card companies. Those fuckers won’t give you a break. Michelle said I ought to evict you. Dad said I shouldn’t do that to a friend. And I never would. So don’t worry about it. Oh, Michelle… Sometimes I think she would have ratted out Anne Frank given the opportunity. What you need to be worried about is this two-timing thing you’ve got going. Even If you’re not worried about it, I sure as hell am, and it’s not making things any easier for me out here. Don’t make me worry about you. I can only barely manage one life going to shit at a time, and I called dibs. –LB
To: [email protected] From: [email protected]<Chuck Keller> Subject: Re: Rent
Thanks, buddy. I feel terrible about not paying. I should write a letter to your dad and grandpaw. I don’t know what to tell you about Michelle. You love her, so figure it out. Maybe when we get our shit back in order, she’ll be more understanding. Though, I’m not sure that’s fair. Taking the good with the bad and all that. I gotta get out of here. I’m about to fucking crack. This place is too hot for me right now. Nothing can go on the back burner because I’ve gone and set the goddamn kitchen on fire. Not your kitchen. You know what I mean. I need to figure this out. And I need to do it before I burn the whole fucking house down. And probably the block. I’m sorry. That probably made you worry. I’m a terrible friend. Everything will be fine. Everything. Just need some time and space to cool out.
✶
HE LEFT WORK EARLY ON THURSDAY AND TOOK FRIDAY AS A VACATION DAY. He told Lexi and Gina that he would be working all weekend and couldn’t see them.
He swung by the house, changed clothes, packed a small bag with clean underwear, a toothbrush and half a dozen bottles of beer from the fridge, threw it in his car and took off up U.S. 95 northbound.
The only predetermined direction was straight. When he finished the six beers, he pulled into a gas station a few miles outside of the city limits and purchased a case of cans. He cracked the first one before pulling out of the parking lot. By the time he hit Tonopah, he was out of gas and nearly out of beer. While the BMW drank in the unleaded, Chuck purchased another case, a pack of cigarettes and a bag of beef jerky
“Are you sure you’re alright to be on the road tonight?” the clerk at the gas station asked.
“On the road is the only way to be alright.” Then he laughed. He took his change and handed it to the old woman with translucent blue hair sitting at the video slot machine near the door. “Take the change and flee!” He stormed out with the case under his arm and stuffed the pack of smokes and lighter into his mouth. He lit up before the gas finished pumping.
Chuck aimed the BMW to Highway 6 toward Warm Springs and onto the Extraterrestrial Highway. This stretch of road had long been his place of solace. Before heading north up to Hiko, he yanked the car onto the shoulder, threw it in park, grabbed the case of beer and climbed onto the roof. He lay on his back drinking while he looked for UFOs. The stars began to blur and spin in unusual patterns against the Earth’s rotation. Chuck’s beer-filled brain was in retrograde and to him, everything looked like a spaceship racing across the sky.
“E.T.!” he shouted into the blackness. “I see you. Can you see me? Come on down. I have a beer for you. You’ll like it. It’s from a place called Milwaukee.”
✶
HE WOKE UP ON A SMALL COT SHOVED INTO A CORNER INSIDE OF A SMALL, CIGARETTE-SMOKE-STAINED ROOM. His glasses were on a rickety nightstand. Someone entered the room; a woman. She handed his glasses to him.
She was a petite, but big-breasted, blond Asian. “Am I dead?” Chuck asked.
“Hardly,” she said. “But I thought we might have to have your stomach pumped.”
“Where am I?”
“Starlight Ranch, sweetie. Do you remember me?”
“Fuck.” The Starlight Ranch was a whorehouse in Lund, a small town just outside of the Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forrest. “I’m sure my wallet will.”
“Unfortunately not. You didn’t want to party last night. I thought maybe you’d be up for it this morning.”
“So we didn’t?”
“Not yet.” She took a seat next to him on the bed and stroked his thigh over his jeans. “You kept mumbling something about too many pussies.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“And you kept buying drinks for an imaginary alien you said you found on the highway. One of our regulars tried to drink one of the beers you bought, but you threatened to kill him and anyone else who touched the beers. There are about thirteen or so glasses of warm beer waiting for you out there on the bar.”
“That sounds about right, too. I’m impressed we didn’t screw last night. You’re the woman of my dreams. I love Asian women. And blondes. And tits.”
“You called me your Zipper-Eyed Angel last night.”
Chuck laughed. “Sorry about that.”
“I’ve been called worse. Other than that, you were a total gentleman. Even ran a good couple games of pool and had the whole place dancing to the jukebox.”
“Were there a lot of people here?”
“Maybe a dozen. Mostly us girls.”
She and Chuck moved out to the bar. He grabbed one of the alien’s beers and chugged it down. She sat on a stool.
“What did you say your name was?” Chuck said.
“Starla.”
“Your real name.”
“Dakota.”
“Your real name.”
“Dakota. I’m a first generation. My parents were living in Sioux Falls at the time.”
“Jesus, that’s awful. Chinese?”
“Yes.”
“What were two Chinese immigrants doing in Sioux Falls?”
“Laundry business. Only Asian dry cleaners in the whole state. The newspaper even did a story about it.”
“Asians in Sioux Falls. Can’t say I would run that story.”
“Are you a newspaper man?”
“I’m the editor of a magazine. Back in Vegas.”
“What brought you out here?”
“Escape.”
“What from?”
“I don’t think my alien friend is going to claim these beers,” he told the bartender, a grizzled older woman. “You can toss them. I would love a fresh one, though.” He turned back to the Asian in response to her question. “What from? Everything. The job. The girls. The boss. The family.”
“The big city life, huh?”
“All I��ve ever wanted was to be able to take care of the people I care about. And I can’t do that. I’m actually hurting them.”
“My mom is sick. Heart problems. I put myself in the poorhouse taking care of her medical bills, which I can’t afford anymore. Can’t afford rent to my best buddy whose house I’m living in, the IRS is taking my wages for back taxes, and I’m letting my ex-girlfriend pay for all of it right now. At the same time, I’m also dating this other girl. My boss demanded I go into AA, which I’m obviously not doing, and generally, I’ve just sort of fucked myself. Because on top of the magazine, which is probably going to shut down if I don’t actually get back to working on it and get it out on time each month, I have a full-time day gig at the Tigris. That’s the boss who wants me in AA. And that job: all the corporate nonsense, the micro-managing, the fluorescent lighting, the mandatory meetings that accomplish nothing… I’m just not doing anything right. And I don’t know why. But it all started out with the best of intentions.”
Dakota ordered a club soda.
“All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to take care of the people I care about. And I can’t do that. I’m actually hurting them. And that makes it worse. And I worry about my mom — both of my parents, really. And my brother… They’re so helpless and stupid. Just dull and shiftless. Wasting days in Indiana. My best pal, the one whose house I’m living in, is in Chicago living with a girl who he loves but is just so hard on him. And he’s unemployed and frustrated and not doing so hot either. And I know I’m making things worse for him by not paying him rent and… Ah, fuck it. It’s all a mess. Christ, I’m talking a lot. I must not be drunk enough to shut up.”
“So you ran away from it all.”
“I needed an escape. Don’t we all need to escape sometimes?”
“I suppose so. But blowing a thousand bucks on booze at a cathouse hundreds of miles from home isn’t helping.”
“It clears my mind.”
“Bullshit.”
“It is. But it’s something. It’s something else. A good long drive always does me good. Maybe I’ll figure it out on the drive back.” He signaled the bartender for another round. “Are you drinking?” he asked Dakota.
“No, thank you. You seem like a sweet guy. But intentions, well, they’re just that. I lived in Vegas for a few years after leaving Sioux Falls. I needed to get away from that life. It was too slow. There wasn’t enough action; I needed to make something of myself. But I always had every intention of going back home at some point. Then I met a guy, and things went bad, and I had to leave. And I ended up here. I haven’t seen or spoken to my family in years. I don’t even have any real friends. I made the real escape.”
“And are you okay with your life now?”
“I’m fine with it. I think that before I was always hurting. And I haven’t hurt since I’ve been here. No one knows me, and I don’t know anyone. These other girls, my boss, they’re just co-workers. I get paid to create human interaction. It’s all business; there are no real feelings attached to any of it. I make people happy, if only for an hour and for whatever reason they want to feel happy for. Maybe they’re tired of being by themselves in the cabs of their trucks. Maybe they’re not getting any physical affection at home. Maybe they’re too socially fucked up to meet women in their real life. Maybe they like the fantasy of a Chinese girl with big tits. But I escaped because I was hurting all of the time. And I was hurting my parents with my behavior. I’ve seen all the hurt I ever want to see. Personally, anyway. Now I just provide relief. Or that one thing every one of us wants.”
“And what’s that? Happiness?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“Well, I never hurt my parents.”
“This isn’t a pissing contest. I’m just telling you that everybody hurts, and that this escape of yours, it’s not going to stop that.”
“‘Everybody hurts.’ Are you quoting R.E.M. now?”
“What’s R.E.M.?”
“The band. They had that song, ‘Everybody Hurts.’”
“Never heard of them. Don’t know it. Listen, why don’t you come back to my room with me.”
“I can’t. I have to draw the line somewhere.”
Dakota leaned in and whispered in his ear, “A blowjob on the house won’t hurt anything. As long as my boss doesn’t find out.”
Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12
#Hope Idiotic#David Himmel Author#David Himmel Novel#David Himmel Fiction#Fiction#Las Vegas Fiction#Dark Humor#Bildungsroman
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It Lives Beneath Diamond Scene: Go to Danni’s House
Danni: Awesome! I’ll just grab my bag, and we can ditch this place. Danni: So tired of listening to people shouting ‘Ginger Spice No Foam Cappuccino.’
You follow Danni down the street at a brisk pace. Danni: So, what’s your deal? You: What do you mean? Danni: I mean, why are you digging into this stuff? I’ve been investigating because I live in Pine Springs, and people have been getting hurt here. Danni: But how’d you get mixed up in this? How’d somebody new to town end up alone with Ned inside his house?
You: Well, I… -Was playing detective.
Danni: So you’re, what? A part-time Nancy Drew? Getting your kicks from investigating inexplicable goings-on? You: Yuuuppp… You got me. I’m an X-Files solo operation, right here. Danni: Yeah… sure. Danni looks at you narrowly but doesn’t press you.
-Don’t really want to talk about it.
Danni: Oh, so you’re gonna be like that. You: Hey, come on, we barely know each other. You: I can’t even be sure you’re not working for those freaky robed people, and you want me to tell you all my secrets? Danni: Okay, I guess that’s fair. Danni: But hey, I’m taking you to my place. I’m trusting you. You’ve got to extend some trust my way too. You: I… You: I’ll do that.
-Wanted to know about his wife.
You: From what I’d heard, his wife’s death sounded a little too similar to the way Kyle died. Danni: You had a hunch they might be connected. You: Exactly. And because he was ranting about it in the middle of the police station, I thought he might be willing to talk to me. You: And he was, but… well, you know how that ended.
You: So, is that the only reason you got involved? Because you live here? Danni: Well, not just because I live here. Danni: Once I heard how people have been drowning, how they seem to be sleepwalking into the water, I knew something was wrong. You: I know. I’ve seen it for myself. When Kyle… It’s like he was in a dream. Danni: That’s what I’ve heard. That it’s like something… unnatural. Danni: When I saw those robed weirdos, I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence. They’re connected to this somehow. I know they are. Danni: I’ve been telling people for years that there’s something wrong with this town, with the way it’s run. There’s something bigger at play here. You: Bigger how? Danni: I don’t know yet. I just know that there are a lot of very comfortable, very powerful people here… Danni: …and they’re very invested in making sure on one looks too closely at these ‘accidental drownings.’ You: It sounds a little hard to believe. But I’ve seen some pretty messed up things recently. You: I think my bar for ‘belief’ has been significantly lowered. Danni: Thanks for having the decency not to call me crazy. Danni: Unlike some people. And coworkers. Danni comes to a stop outside a small, cozy-looking house. Danni: This is me.
Danni: Make yourself comfortable. I’m gonna go rustle up those photographs I was telling you about. You: Sure thing. You roam around the tiny living room while you wait. Beautiful photographs are all over the walls. One catches your eye, of a beaming girl in a huge, ruffled gown surrounded by family. Danni: Found that one, huh? Danni reappears behind you with a stack of pictures in a folder. You: Is this you? Danni steps closer to the family photo and touches the corner of the frame fondly. Danni: Yeah, it is. You: You all look so happy. Danni: We really were. My dad saved up for a year to be able to give me the best quinceanera ever. Danni: We still ended up having it in the Chili’s parking lot, but what really made it special was having everyone there, together. You: You really love your family, huh? Danni: There’s a lot of them. Too many sometimes, but that just means there’s more to love.
You: Really? -That’s so cute! +Romance
Danni: Oh, so you think I’m cute, huh? You: Uh-- no! Yes? You: I just, I had no idea you had such a soft side! You’ve got such a-- a prickly exterior. Danni: Oh, so now I’m prickly? You: No, no-- Aw, man, I’m really messing this up-- Danni starts laughing and punches you lightly on the arm. Danni: Relax, I’m just messing with you! You laugh along with her, relieved.
-My family’s pretty close too.
Danni: Oh, yeah? You: Totally. Wanna hear a funny story? Danni: Embarrassing family antics? I’m in. You: So my family was super into Halloween, but the apartment building where we lived didn’t celebrate it at all. You: I remember that Elliot and I were super bummed about it one year. You: But when we came home from school, the apartment was full of these small doors made out of cardboard. You: We knocked on each one, and our parents would open them and hand us candy and tell us how great our costumes were. You: They made us our very own Halloween, right in our own home. Danni: Your parents sound like very special people. You: Yeah, they… Yeah.
You: So, is that them? You gesture to the folder in Danni’s hands. Danni: Indeed they are. Brace yourself. It’s about to get weird in here. She extends the folder to you and you accept it. You leaf through several blurry photographs of the woods and lake at night. There might be figures in them, but they’re too vague to make out. You’re starting to feel disappointed, until you come to a picture near the end…
EXAMINE -Photograph
You: That shape! In the water! Danni: What? What about it? You: That’s what I saw in the lake when Kyle drowned! Danni: Are you serious?! You: Dead serious. That thing is what killed him. Danni: I knew these drowning ‘accidents’ were no accidents. You: This ghost… or whatever it is… can take control of people somehow, force them to walk into the lake! Danni: But wait, if this ghost is responsible for the drownings, then who are these robed people? Danni: How do they fit into the bigger picture? Why would they want to kill Ned? MC +5 You: I’m not sure yet… but I’m gonna find out. Danni checks her watch. Danni: Damn. My break’s almost up. We gotta run or I’m gonna be late. You: After you. You leave the small house, and the ghostly photograph, behind.
You arrive back at the café just in time for Danni to go back on her shift. The midday customer swell seems to have subsided and you sidle up to the counter. Danni: Phew. Close one. You: Thanks for trusting me and showing me that picture. It helps, even if it’s just to prove I’m not totally losing it. Danni: Tell me about it. It’s pretty comforting knowing I’m not alone in all this anymore. You: You’re not alone. We’re a team now, okay? Danni +10 Danni: A team, huh? I like the sound of that. You hear Danni’s stomach grumbling. You: Oh no! You never actually got to eat lunch on your lunch break! I’m so sorry! Danni: Hey, it’s fine. Why don’t you make it up to me?
You: Make it up to you? -You mean like a date? +Romance
Danni: Would you like it to be a date? You: I feel like this is a trap… Danni laughs and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Danni: Okay, jeez, yes. Like a date. You: In that case, yes. Danni: ‘Yes’ what? You: Yes, I’ll go on a date with you. You wink at her, and she laughs again, this time with rosy colour in her cheeks.
-How about a croissant?
Danni: That depends. Your treat? You: It wouldn’t exactly be making it up to you if it wasn’t on me. Danni: I never say no to free food. You slide an appropriate amount of bills across the counter to her as she pops a croissant into the toaster. Danni: That’ll really hit the spot. In one to two minutes.
Danni: I think we should visit the place where I’ve seen those robed weirdos before. We might find some answers there. Danni: But we should go tonight, before they figure out we’re onto them. You: That sounds like a good idea. Is it okay if I bring a couple of friends along? You: They’re helping me with the… investigation. Danni: Well, I’m not crazy about bringing other people into this, but… Danni: As long as you vouch for them, it should be okay. You: Thanks, you’re the best. Danni: Yes. Yes I am.
#playchoices#choices stories you play#choices it lives beneath#choices ilb#it lives beneath#it lives beneath walkthrough
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Farlef Chronicles Episode 4 - The Farlefhymenning
This chapter is dedicated to Spotify and its creation of the exclusive Farlef Chronicles Playlist.
https://open.spotify.com/user/227f24h5jhnr6y6v6zhnfudsy/playlist/22y0Yqx1Ruj22k9TdJItbF
Previously on The Farlef Chronicles, HOLY FUCK WHAT THE FUCK, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS HOLY SHIT FUCK BALLS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK EVERYONE'S DEAD FUCK ME. FIRE.
Current - December 25, 2016 2:21 A.M. at Farlef and John's Apartment in Spokane
After riding all night along US-395 N southbound they finally made it to Spokane, the upper echelon of Deer Park,Washington. As Farlef, his wheelchair bound dad, his brother John and his brother's girlfriend Sarah rode in silence wondering what they just witnessed and why it happened, they were all waiting for Farlef's Dad to finally get out of his own personal flashback after he declared it all started in 1941. In his blank daze all they could do was now stare at their Christopher Reeve acting father and wonder what images danced in his head. It couldn't of been of sugar plums dancing in his head cause he called them the fruit of the faggot and banished him from his home every Christmas. No what was going on through Farlef's Dad's head was much more barbaric and erotic.
As John was driving towards his apartment in his Bitchin Brubaker Box he decided to address everyone in the car.
"Farlef, this seems like the type of shit you and dad deal with, I never in the past wanted to know what you two did, I figured I let Bigones be bygones
but now that Sarah is involved I am too. Whatever you two need, you can count on me."
"John I really don't give a shit, don't involve me in this" Sarah declared as she wondered what was on tv to watch.
Farlef was shocked that his brother was willing to join them in whatever came next. He had heard tales of John's time down in the Congo as a member of the Peace Corps and how it turned bad. No one heard from his group for 4 months then one day on a small raft made of human bodies, not corpses, actual living bodies sewed together to make a raft he reappeared. He said nothing of the experience and no one asked any questions.
"Glad to count on you bro, I have no idea what is about to happen but if they willing to burn down our town, try to kill us and somehow involve Justine in all this it seems like a bigger conspiracy then either of us could of imagined."
John pulled his Bitchin Brubaker Box into the parking lot that was outside his apartment.
"When Dad wakes up from his stupor, our lives will probably change. Not for the better, its never for the better when he goes on his rants but either way we are in this together. Now get Dad off the roof and I will see you inside" John said as he ran inside to avoid the rain.
As Farlef was dragging his father up the stairs the back of his wheelchair popped open revealing a secret compartment in his wheelchair. The back had a false backing and inside was many moose tranquilizers, moose pheromones, a selfie with a bear and a scroll that was thousands of years old written in menstrual deer blood on human skin named 'Ponere cervis auritosque Mailman et nuntiavit autem custos arrhabonem'. As he tried to say the words a loud his father woke from his stupor
"THE STAG, THE MAILMAN AND THE KEEPER OF THE PAWN" Farlef's died cried out startling Farlef.
"Dad are you ok, you been passed out for over 3 hours since we fled Deer Park" Farlef exclaimed.
“What are you going on about, got too much gay in your ears, this entire time I was explaining the deep rooted history of the war with the moose, how it happened, why it happened, fuck don't you two cock mongrels listen to anything. Always on your fancy pocket porn doohickeys and jerking off to Asian Bestiality Necrophilia porn. Fucking weirdos, back in my day we sneak into the forest during mating season and watch bears fuck to get our jolly's off. Sure it was risky, a bear in heat will fuck anything. If I had known that once that bear penetrated me and snapped my spin in two that I would never walk again I would have had the decency to go to the Deer Park Sperm Bank and made a deposit and hope to one day spread my seed again in hopes of getting a masculine son that was straight cause at the moment I can't feel any pain except the pain of knowing my sons are homosexuals." He bellowed out as Farlef brought him into John's apartment while Sarah came out of their bathroom and went to the bedroom she and john shared heterosexually pretending she heard nothing as usual.
"Dad you literally were about to explain what happened, said it all started in 1941, then went into some weird coma so we tied you to the roof of John's bitchin Brubaker Box and got the fuck out of Dodge”
"Why where we in Dodge? We were in Deer Park, our precious holy land, burned to the ground"
"Getting out of Dodge is just an expression and it turns out Deer Park was not burned down. The Moose used CGI to fake everything except our house burning down, that was real. They are sophisticated mother fuckers" "You mean my antique collection of pharaoh pubic hairs are gone. I don't have a reason to live" Exclaimed Farlef's father.
Unbeknownst to Farlef and his brother, while their father had his 47th life crisis, they where going through his things and found charts and maps explaining the centuries long feud between Deer and Moose.
"I’ll be right back I need to Back the bus out of the garage " Farlef said.
"What?" John replied.
"I need to Balance The Budget"
"?"
"I need to bomb the porcelain sea"
"Seriously what are you going on about"
" I need to chop some butt wood, go colon bowlin', Dispense some soft serve, Drop Anchor, Fertilize the Ferns, Give back that Corn, Got to put one on the Radar, Ignite a Rectal Rocket, Log into the toilet and make a huge download, Pinch a Stink Pickle, Release the Chocolate Hostages, ya know Montezuma's Revenge"
"Farlef I have no idea what the fuck your rambling about"”
"I NEED TO SHIT JOHN, I WAS TRYING TO BE DISCRETE"
"Oh why didn't you say something, you could of just said you needed to get a Stranglehold on a Darkie"
"Hot peppers have killed all that I love And what I loved was an asshole that didn't burn like the great fire of chicago" Farlef declared as he left the bathroom.
He felt like Johnny Cash cause his asshole was a Burning Ring of Fire. After thoroughly destroying yet another bathroom, a record 13 he walked into a sight he had no words to describe.
"I was gone for 15 minutes reading a nice article bout bay window decor in Good Housekeeping and this is what I return to. First off Dad, what in the fuck are you doing"
"I AIN'T GOT A REASON TO LIVE BOY, I COULD ONLY DEAL WITH YOU NANCY BOYS WITH MY VINTAGE PHARAOH PUBIC HAIRS. PAPI MADE THE PAWN OF A LIFETIME FOR THEM. I GOT NOTHING" he yelled as he swung there, his neck too fat to choke himself.
And John, what the fuck is happening here"
"ITS ALL CONNECTED FARLEF, IT ALL MAKES SENSE. DAD IS A RAVING HOMOPHOBIC, RACIST, PARAPLEGIC, CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING IN HIS LEGS BUT THE FEELING OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE TRIES EVEN THROWING HIMSELF DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS TO ELICIT A REACTION OF PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL OF A MAN BUT HE IS RIGHT. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MOOSE. ONE SPECIFIC MOOSE, PEPE SILVIA" he exclaimed as he took another drag of his cigarette.
"In the name of the Mailman, The Papi and the Holy Stag" Farlef prayed to himself.
His brother was right, so was his RAVING HOMOPHOBIC, RACIST, PARAPLEGIC, CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING IN HIS LEGS BUT THE FEELING OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE TRIES EVEN THROWING HIMSELF DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS TO ELICIT A REACTION OF PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL OF A MAN SO HE STABS HIMSELF IN THE LEG WITH A KNIFE TO FEEL ANY PAIN BUT THE ONLY PAIN HE FEELS IS KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL NOW HE HAS A KNIFE STICKING OUT OF HIS LEG THAT HE DOESN'T FEEL ANY PAIN IN EXCEPT THE PAIN OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL SO HE TAKES ANOTHER KNIFE TO JIMMY THE FIRST KNIFE OUT OF HIS LEG BUT YET HE STILL FEELS NO PAIN EXCEPT THE PAIN OF KNOWING HIS SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL, NOW WITH TWO KNIVES STUCK IN HIS LEGS HE CAN'T FEEL father. The moose where behind everything.
"Dad you need to tell us everything, how this began, why its happening, we need answers"
"I TOLD YOU ON THE RIDE UP HERE, CLEAN YOUR EARS OUT AND STOP THINKING BOUT CHANNING TATUM FOR 2 GOD DAMNED MINUTES." He yelled still swaying from the ceiling.
As both brothers stood their in a daze thinking bout Channing Tatum and his luscious body, his father went on to tell the tale of the greatest story never told except when he is drinking and on the drive up and to a young girl the one year he played Santa Claus at Reindeer Festival in '98 where they sawed reindeer horns shorter so they looked like regular deer.
"Do you unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit want to know the full story or just the cliff notes cause I don't got all fucking day. Now you slimy little communist shit twinkle toed cock-suckers cut me down, I gotta restock the pond with brown trout" Not even 2 minutes after cutting their father down and watching him struggle to roll to the bathroom they heard a loud crash.
“Fucking weak fucking ceiling can't even hold a fucking grown man's weight and his fucking wheelchair, good for nothing spic labor, Trump was right, build the fucking wall and make them pay for it. Sad part is they probably make it as shitty as your ceiling and first breeze rolls in the wetbacks would watch it fall over and then just get across" Farlef's dad muttered from the floor.
"Ok queerbait and friend, story time, gather round the campfire" Farlef's dad said as he started a campfire in John's living room.
"You want the whole story or the short version for your ADHD riddled minds" he asked.
"The beginning dad" they both said.
"Ok I remember emerging from darkness, light blinding me. I was scared. I had emerged from nothing into this new world. A man in white was holding me and your grandmother and grandfather were there. I was naked and covered in blood"
"What the fuck you going on about" John yelled.
"You said from the beginning, I am starting with my birth, where was I? Ah yes I was crying for deer life, not knowing where I was or whence I came but every sight, sound, smell was new and exotic"
"Jesus fucking christ Dad tell us about the war, oh my God" Farlef said with disgust and mild intrigue.
"Fine for fucks sake, I asked if you wanted the long or short version ok, here we go……. We went on vacation to Moose Lake, Wisconsin, fucked shit up and now they hate us" Farlef's dad said as he took a puff of his deer shape pipe.
"OH MY GOD YOU HANDICAPPED OLD FUCK, ALL YOUR STORIES ARE LIKE THIS, EITHER WAY TO DETAILED OR YOU JUST MUTTER OFF A SENTENCE. FUCK. JUST TELL US THE STORY OF WHAT YOU DID AND WITH WHO TO PISS OFF THE MOOSE THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS THEY WANT YOU DEAD."
"Fine" he said as his eyes started glassing over, getting ready for another flashback.
It was the summer of 1969. I was a young man, strong, smart, handsome, single with the legs of a Kenyan sprinter. Beautiful Adonis like legs, sculpted from marble. Hips that could crack a cinderblock between them and thighs that when they rubbed together started forest fires. If I wore shorts, panties hit the floor so hard it cracked concrete. My legs were so magnificent that it caused young men to hit puberty and women to ovulate. The population of Deer Park skyrocketed that summer when I came around.
Next was my brother from another Italian gangster mother, Sam. God Sam was a beautiful man. He was part James Dean, part Burt Reynolds and all sex. His nipples were the size of quarters, perfect. His ass was two handfuls of glory and his crotch was so astounding that he had to have custom cloths made to accommodate his Italian Stallion. I still remember when I could still walk we would go skinny dipping together and he would arise from the water, shinning in the moonlight, with a giant catfish on his crotch and he laugh it off saying he caught us dinner.
Last but not least the third member of our rat pack, our Deer Drove. Papi. This is the sickest mother fucker I ever met. I met him one day while perusing a local mom and pop shop for some pop and a milkshake. As I was about to pay a brown hand stopped me. I was about to undo my pants and show him my legs, that usually did the trick when anyone fucked with me, but I looked into his eyes and saw myself. The past, present and future. I saw all possibilities and no possibilities. Time and space stood still in this man's eyes and I realized we were now imprinted for life. He then proceeded to throw a Molotov cocktail at the waitress and we fled with a free coke and a shake. We been best friends ever since.
The three of us where hanging out, getting ready for the Bi-Annual Running of the Farlef. It was a hot August 9th and it was an especially important year, it was the Bi-centennial of the founding of Deer Park. It was a momentous occasion, after Derby Deer Races, Deer BBQ, the tormenting of the Moose and the popular Running of the Farlef, the great Deer Shaman was going to come down from the mountains and bestow his wisdom on the town.
It was nighttime when the mighty shaman came and told his tale, the true meaning of Deer Park.
"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in moose blood, and dedicated to the proposition that all deer are created equal.Now we emerged victorious in a great civil war, testing whether that deer or moose are the horniest and so dedicated, can long endure. We met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their antlers so that Deer Park might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this and of course fuck with the shitty moose. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave Deer, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this Deer Park, under Farlef, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that Deer Park of the deer, by the deer, for the deer, shall not perish from the earth. Amen."
Grown men brought to tears at the great Shaman's speech. Women were so distraught they could not be consoled. Sam, Papi and I though swelled with great pride listening to this one of a kind speech from the elder Deer Shaman. A great pride in being a Deer Parkian and an even greater pride in being heterosexual apex predators of the Cervinae Animal Kingdom. It was that majestic moonlit night we decided to take a pilgrimage of 1,383 miles to the town of Moose Lake, Missouri, bypassing 18 construction zones to do what our forefathers had done for a millennia, FUCK WITH MOOSEKIND.
After 21 hours, 13 bathroom stops, 2 glory holes and pawn of a lifetime in North Dakota, we made it to Moose Lake. In our time in the car we thought up the most vile, fucked up things to do to this town.
First we found the first Moose we could and dragged it into their lake and poured liquid nitrogen on it freezing it in place.
Then we found another Moose in that same lake trying to swim away and we decided to surf him.
Once we put back on our clothes and dried each other off it was time to raze some hell in the name of Deer Park in their town.
Papi and Sam decided to fuck with the local economy by firebombing their local pawn shop and Post Office respectively. I decided to defile their prized moose statue in the middle of town.
I think it was some of my best work yet. Once we finished razing the town we decided to pollute their great lake, not realizing what we were doing would upset the peace treaty between our great families. To fuck with each others town was one thing but in the holy treaty it is stated "The Park and The Lake are off limits." Our ancestors were men of few words. Once we arrived back at the lake we unleashed our secret weapon. BEAVERS. Three thousand angry beavers. They ravaged the local fauna, cutting down every tree and making a giant dam ruining Moose Lake for years to come.
By Papi's best estimate, in 31 years, with their main water supply cut off from the river that feeds into Moosehead Lake, the town would wither and die. Papi was into the long con and it suited me and Sam just fine. Once we were finished we got the hell out of Moose Lake and returned to a simpler life.
"Little did we know that by cutting off the supply to Moosehead lake we awoke their shaman, a mighty beast by the name of Pete Silvia. He was the one who once awoken, to gather his strength created the APSAA to take down Papi, he rose through the ranks of the Post Office to become Postmaster General and made Sam never able to retire, made his routes longer and switched his mail order bride with a moose spy that poisoned him once they realized old age wouldn't kill him. And of course you know what they did to me. They brainwashed my young son during a wrestling match and turned him gay. They where behind all of it boys. Tonight was their final assault, they want to end this once and for all. So now I ask, are you with me, ready to take up arms against these Moose Mother Fuckers, defend our town and our rights to arm bears and drive these fucks back to their shitty lake or will you turn your back on your heritage, your history, your own livelihoods and sit their on your asses browsing Deer Parkr for some Antler. SO WHO IS WITH ME" Farlef's dad let out with a mighty roar, showing signs of a young Buck in heat once again.
Farlef and John were too busy watching the latest episode of My Hero Academia to notice what their dad was rambling about. When he was about to tell his story of what happened his eyes fogged over and he went comatose again so they turned on the tv.
"GOD DAMN CARTOON WATCHING FUCKBOIS, I JUST TOLD YOU THE STORIED HISTORY OF WHAT HAPPENED, WHY OUR HOME IS GONE, SAM OUR BELOVED MAILMAN IS DEAD AND PAPI HAS BEEN CAPTURED AND TORTURED FOR THESE PAST 7 YEARS AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS WATCH SOME FAIRY SHOW BOUT GOOKS WITH SUPERPOWERS?" All Farlef heard was Papi was still alive. He owed everything to that man and no new episode of his favorite hit anime My Hero Academia or Boku no Hero Academia ,for our Japanese readers out there, was going to stop him.
"Dad as usual I have no idea what is going on or what you just said but I am in" Farlef replied, steel determination in his eyes.
"I'm in too dad, I swore I would never raise a hand in violence again after my time in the Congo but this reckoning is a long time coming" John said.
"Get the fuck out" Sarah replied as she turned the tv volume louder.
"All boys, its us Evans men against the world. Just the way we like it"
As the three of them got into John's bitching Brubaker Box one thing was known for certain.
HOUSE EVANS WAS ON THE WARPATH.
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