#you have to reconcile with urself

[mihai-florescu]

Stupidest mfs on earth r those who dismiss an entire genre and all of its fans. Karma will get u

[phleb0tomist]

there is not some particular level of suffering you need to reach in order to ‘deserve’ accommodations btw. especially if those adaptations are simple free things like sitting down while brushing your teeth or using extra cushions to support your posture. like, if something like that improves your life by even 1% then you should do it. you’ve probably been made to feel like these little lifestyle changes are off limits to you if you can’t demonstrate your suffering first, but a lot of the time it is actually no one else’s business.

unfortunately no matter how much you suffer, it’s pretty unlikely that anybody will ever grant you formal permission to do these things. the world is ableist and nonsensical. even the most severely disabled people are often made to feel ashamed for adapting to their own needs. there is no level of suffering where you’ll finally feel worthy of proper accommodation. and there is no virtue in toughing it out. so in my humble opinion you should just go for it right now immediately

[mysterycitrus]

Hi. Your posts show up on my dash and I think you have good and knowledgeable takes. What do we do when canon is inconsistent and contradictory? For example Winick!Jason vs Morrison!Jason pre new52? Like W!Jason says child sidekicks are dumb and shouldn't exist while M!Jason had him go get sidekick for himself. How should we reconcile this when discussing the characters? Thanks.

id say as a general point of reference that consistent, foundational character traits can persist regardless of bad comics. dick grayson is an example - in taylor's run he's written as a pretty idiot but in waid's worlds finest he's portrayed more accurately as a neurotic overachiever, and both runs were being published at the same time. it's about reading enough comics to be able to judge for urself what u want to keep and what u want to discard.

there's also broader metatexual reasons for why tangibly bad characterisation exists — winick and morrison mischaracterised and villianised talia al ghul in different ways to the detriment of her characterisation. talia's writing was a combination of bad writing and sexualised racism. similar issue w roy harper — his history with addiction is rewritten and his autonomy is undermined. it's always worth thinking about why a writer might interpret a character a certain way.

wrt to jason, he's an interesting case because unlike a lot of characters he has an actual, definitive comic thats the literal foundation for his existence in modern canon - under the red hood. jason's had the worst holistic writing by a considerable margin, and so people tend to discard his appearances depending on their taste (green arrow, batman and robin 2009, the recent gotham war arc, countdown, botc, etc) but utrh is his backstory and the context for his actions. winick's jason, through lost days and outsiders, feels like the same dude and is kinda the "base" version of the character. we also know what winick thought about morrison btw.

i actually don't think most of jason's actions pre-flashpoint are absurdly ooc, because he was conceptualised as a bad dude with hypocritical morals. theres a lot of dialogue around how bias has affected jason's writing historically but as red hood it feels like a believable radicalisation imo - winick's jason could be driven to hurt others. thats fine tbc because thats what makes him an interesting and complex character, but the issue is that no one was willing to commit to rehabilitating him into the bat-adjacent, generally heroic figure he's now recognised as. i personally think that him being chummy with the bats is a lot more egregious of a mischaracterisation than him blowing up a high school. there's no bridge between the jason that gloated when bludhaven got nuked and the jason that goes to batburger with the gang. i need more than the writer telling me that they like each other in a text box.

but again thats like. personal interpretation. every character with a book has comics that’re featured on every reading list, and then its a matter of ignoring or recontextualising the stuff u personally dont agree with. tis the nature of enduring canon. the picking and choosing.

[poppy-metal]

and then... tashis childhood best friend...

when u cant quite... wrap your mind around how u feel for them all as ur brought back in. its overwhelming at first. u guys go on a few group dates at first, you come home with them or get a fancy hotel room, and thats fun. thats good. the sex is amazing - better than anything youd ever had before. the focus is almost always on you at these things, though. like the three of them are courting you rather than you becoming a part of them.

u take things slow. try to, anyways. but the being on the outside hurts. so when they invite u to stay for a weekend at their place, of course u say yes. thats weirder but u still... it goes well.

its when ur contract ends with ur shitty boss that they ask u to move in.. of course u say yes. but theres little tensions that begin to show up

its harder to make sense of ur anger at patrick when hes in ur space all the time. its harder to reconcile the distance uve always felt with art - u were tashis friend before both boys, and after the injury art just followed everything tashi did. its harder to make sense of the hurt u feel in regards to tashi.

so when something happens in ur family (take ur pick) u can feel urself shutting down. shutting them out. because rebuilding trust is hard - and theyve been trying! but it isnt easy. it also means u have to let ur own guard down and trust that theyve changed. that they can actually catch u when u fall.

u think u can keep it all separate. that u can compartmentalize sex and love and grief and pain in such a way that u can protect urself. but u cant.

tashi demanding a emergency family meeting and its just the four of you and the meeting is them all making you cum your brains out until you're soft and sappy and sniffling and admitting you're not a big girl at all and you want to be held

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

saw those medic posts you made and just wanted to thank someone for FINALLY saying it, god. "medic is a psycho who will not ever by any stretch of the means be considered a good person" and "medic is capable of and does care for his friends and their wellbeing" are two statements that can and should coexist

No literally n like I feel like people need to learn to be able to reconcile the genre and tone of the thing (of the GAME. where they KILL PEOPLE) with the fact that they like these characters a lot. It's not something where death has particular weight or meaning (every main character who dies in the comic comes back to life yknow, and in the game they are constantly killing each other forever and ever) and a character killing people doesn't make them a bad person within it lol. You can have a Medic who kills people without making him completely uncaring and you can have a Medic who cares about people without making him no longer a murderer. It's just kinda funny to me how many "Medic tf2 is my comfort character" types completely change how he acts because they can't reconcile him caring about and being Really loyal to his friends (objectively a very present part of his canon characterization) with him killing people and being a little bit silly with it. Basically it's s a gun game get over urself. I love him just the way he is

[quietasfire]

honestly idk if this is the seedling of wwx haterism taking root in me but i genuinely hate how he treats wn (also, all roads lead to chengxian)

after mxy resurrection he just seems to brush wn off a lot while wn is out here doing the most. idk i know wwx refuses to confront anything because delusion is his solution to everything. and wn is a painful reminder of his yiling demonic cultivation days, just like jc is a painful reminder of wwx gutting himself to pay a debt that never was w/ his life's work. i understand why wwx would act that way (he tends to block everything out and pretend like its fine while his behavior shows that it is not fine bc lying only gets u so far) but it is truly one of his most insufferable traits. he wants an enabler that allows him to live without confronting himself or other people (lwj) but legit will he even be satisfied w that. is that even something thats sustainable in the long run.

mdzs canon is really weird to me because

1) wwx doesnt seem to want to deal with the world he lives in? wn is reduced to a weapon/thing once again bc lwj keeps taking precedent over him like the lwj drunk jealousy scenes piss me off so much, wn is literally being robbed of his agency and consciousness but that keeps being pushed back because uwu romance

2) hes not going to be satisfied that way. its just not in his nature to settle. ur telling me wwx is going to be happy in cloud recesses? while lwj may be a hypocrite and break his own sect's rules or even leave gusu lan to be a wandering cultivator w wwx, i genuinely dont see how that cld happen without wwx feeling guilty and bottling it up and ofc turning it to resentment

3) why didnt jc and wwx reconcile. legit why. wwx is saying lets just let it go but like. dude it is physically impossible for yall to be strangers. he let himself be gutted to save u and then u gutted urself to save him thats not a stranger thing. He has a major piece of you in him and he didnt even ask for it nor could he say yes to it. like girl i know you love running from your problems but eventually youre going to tire out?? What

4) he doesnt seem to change his ways, like his ego and impulsivity is still there? he didnt grow? like it rly feels as though the novel isnt even sure what story it wants to tell

pls so many things r so bizarre in this novel. the only part that makes sense is venerated triad and it proves mxtx CAN write irreparably broken relationships caused by a fundamental disagreement in nature (nmj hates jgy for who he is, jgy hates nmj for what he did, nmj would rather break than bend, jgy would rather bend than break) but thats not the case for chengxian??? so why is their relationship being treated as though its beyond salvation

idk i have a fever sorry

[bubmyg]

i read your post about how many fans dont know how to interact w bts' music of substance and it got me thinking abt how ppl treat decalcomania

its a heavy song that iirc jk wrote when he was in a bad place esp when he was struggling regarding his identity of own self vs jungkook of bts (pls correct if me if im wrong)

when golden was announced i saw so many ppl wishing for decalcomania on the album as well as so many hit twts abt the song on streaming platforms. like i understand it as a little jokey joke bc it is a beautiful song and i personally resonate with it a lot and listen to it on soundcloud occasionally, but the number of twts i saw regarding it was so??? like jk himself has said multiple times that hes retired the song and hes moved on and reconciled w that period of his life and yet 🧍

like even if there is a chance that the song does end up on golden (i dont think it will tho) all ppl are gonna talk about is how a years old song is topping the charts and its streams and sales etc etc

half the hit twts after a release are all abt the charts and sales its so disappointing and its rendered twt useless to have any sort of nuanced & indepth conversation regarding their music sigh

i apologise for the long ask TvT

anon you and I are like that meme of the two people w their brains fused bc yeah. like sorry but if you hear someone say “probably won’t be including that one, I wrote that when I was depressed” you, logically, go oh yeah sorry! if u don’t wanna release it and relive that then I respect that! but no one listens to him speak so that’s the first hurdle. and yeah aside from chart arguments, even if he did release it and it did have a performance, everyone would just sexualize the hell out of whatever he did for it then go back to complaining that squirting metaphors in 3D are too crass.

AND AHHH UR SO RIGHT??????? I love lyric parallels like that I love this sm omg. filing away in my bts mirrored lyrics folder. HAPPY MIMI DAY ANON I hope u get urself a nice treat today <3

[simothys]

I wanted to send you an ask for the DnD Ask but I reallized I didnt really know about your PC. Can you tell me more about em??? /gen

hi thank u!!! i did fully forget i rb’d that ask meme, sooo apologies for not answering this!

so firstly. i do not have any up to date info on my PCs on this blog. Vincent’s game ended back in May this year & i got a new project w him, Tommy’s entirely new (at least in D&D form), etc.

Vincent Rostova:

his tag

the tag for the batshit rp project hes in

straight up as of the last time we updated the full word count, it was at 111k, so there is no concise way to sum this up.

me, @quaxorascal , and (more recently added) @dumpstermaster have been RPing an AU of a game Iz is in. we have been doing this for nearly 5 months.

tldr: haha what if we were all boys and then we all were torn from each others lives and upon reuniting had to reconcile with the changes time has scarred into us and learn how to fall in love all over again haha

Vincent is an aasimar goliath! his aasimar guide is an angel of the hunt and the summer and shes intense and is so hot and im so lucky Vincent is a gay man bc he would have given himself fully to her and became ashes in her light if he liked women. anyways.

he is also a divination wizard, but is primarily a battlemaster fighter! his familiar is a kestrel named Gawain. she had to be informed that kissing is a nice and good thing, not a form of attack, the first time she saw Vincent kiss someone on the lips.

Roxanne Andromeda

her tag

ok once again theres no like concise way to sum her up. shes my babygirl shes so much ive had her for 3 years.

tldr: oh okay i killed the source of my fear & no longer have to fear death at my lover’s hands. wait what do u mean im still afraid and have to learn to live and love beyond this fear that has been my reality for the past decade. what do you mean my story doesnt stop there. (oh also narrative bullshit, rediscovering religion, learning to love and allow urself to be loved)

Dove, no, Kat, no, D’vir, no… Roxanne is a changeling bard of lore and inquisitive rogue. shes. so much and i love her.

Tommy “Rosalie” Lennox

her tag

i juuust started playing her recently in @saturnidchoir ‘s cowboy game…. shes a gloomstalker ranger wildhunt shifter milf and shes So Tired and also why the fuck is there a 15 year old here and HOW did she get hired shes not even lying about her age i cannot adopt yet another fuckin child—

UM YEAH HI. enjoy

[rollercoasterwords]

do you have a writing routine? how do you reconcile it with other stuff (working, studying, etc? do you have any tips? (asking this as a writer who does not have the bloody time/energy)

not really! if i was writing to make a living i'd probably need one, but as it is since i'm just writing for fun i tend to go with the flow. for the past 2-ish years i've been working a 9-5 with like weekends to myself and vacation time etc, and honestly that has left me a lot more time to pursue hobbies than i had as a university student (wayyy harder to find time + energy 2 write when i was already writing papers all the time + working part time jobs + participating in extracurriculars + hanging w friends etc...honestly i've found working fulltime to be a lighter workload than university lmao).

i know for some people a writing routine or like trying to sit down and write x amount of words every day can be helpful, but for myself it usually is more discouraging than anything because it makes me feel like there's like...a certain amount of writing i'm supposed to be churning out. and honestly i think this is a mentality that's very accepted amongst writers--the idea that you need to write a lot to somehow be worthwhile as a writer or call yourself a writer, the idea that writing slowly or not writing much is inferior, etc. and i think a lot of that mindset is like. capitalist brain tbh. the idea that you need to be constantly producing and producing a lot or ur somehow failing.

again it's different for different people in terms of helpfulness and it may be more or less necessary depending on why ur writing/what ur writing for--but i started writing fic purely for fun, and then i started to notice that i was feeling pressure to churn out as much writing as i could as fast as possible, and it got to the point where it was making writing not fun anymore. so now i'm trying to completely expunge the mindset that i have to write for any reason if i don't feel like it--because i don't! and i genuinely enjoy writing and want to write, so if i give myself time and space to do other things then for me it's pretty natural to sit down and write for a few hours for fun eventually.

so i guess as far as tips go my main one would be like. spend some time reflecting on why u want to write + what sort of pressure ur putting on urself + where that pressure's coming from. for me approaching writing as something that is first and foremost about the joy of just making up a story and less about producing a finished product has been the most helpful mindset shift in helping me write more consistently

[sebibibebi]

https://www.tumblr.com/sebibibebi/753540956366815232/0-you-dont-think-they-have-matching-porsches?source=share

ohhhhh fair enough, didn’t know he was an ambassador :0 interesting…

seb’s quite private about things so who knows but it’s funny to imagine porsche getting mark to promote it as a get-along car… buy this porsche and you too can reconcile with your rival !! get matching porsches with your demon twink from hell today !!

maybe he could do joint promo with perple… Red Bull clearly the inferior drink for instigating CONFLICT and HOSTILITY while perple’s the harbinger of peace and love on planet earth <3

i'm literally so cynical lmao i see someone is getting paid by a company and immediately do not trust a single thing they have to say about the product, even if it's seemingly unrelated lmao. like hello i am porsche racing driver who gets paid to advertise porsches, here is my completely innocuous anecdote about purchasing a porsche that also happens to mention the high profile rivalry i am most famous for lol.

also u say 'get along car' but what i'm hearing is 'fuck nasty in this car' pls and thank you.

anyway i would love a perple collab lmaoo like hello i'm mark webber and if seb had been drinking perple that time in malaysia then maybe his tummy aches wouldn't have turned him evil. or hello i'm mark webber and i sure love an energy drink that doesn't make u shit urself. i think he could really sell that

[underscorecc]

2.

ive reached another time where i feel like i need to vomit out all the shit thats been churning in my psyche. you know that feeling where you dont want to go to sleep because of this subtle sensation in your stomach? I think its dissatisfaction, both with myself and with the people around me.

the girl that i broke up with turned out to just be a hoe. She played w my heart and told me i was " the right guy at the wrong time" and that "she needed time to be single" and then immediately hopped onto some mid ass white dude LOL. anyways i fucking hate her guts. not cause she doesnt like me anymore, but because shes a damn liar. on a positive note it just means that little plot threat in my life has just been tied up, and now all i have to do is reconcile with the distrust for people that ive already been harboring, so nbd.

the ppl in my life kinda got me fucked up tho. right now i feel like theres no one genuinely there for me. I have a therapist, but you cant rlly get the level of intimacy with a therapist in the way youd have with family or friends. so right now i feel like i have nobody. my friends all suddenly seem extremely disinterested in talking to me. someone who i consider my best friend barely texts me and brushes off making plans and never reaches out. and my other friends just dont seem to really care or respond to me anymore. I get replies, but im not having conversations. it also seems like my mom is tired of me. shes even said it herself. she gets annoyed at a bunch of little things that i do. so i dont think id be wrong to assume ive become a nuisance rather than a valued family member.

it totally could be me. it totally could be them. it also totally could just be a series of unfortunate circumstances so ive been kinda torn trying to figure it out. I know im partially to blame. i can be overbearing and i dont know when to shut the fuck up. its hard for me to do genuine real talk anymore. I say "real talk" and then give advice to friends (probably unsolicited). but i never rlly talk about stuff that goes beyond skin deep. I talk about terrible moments in my life, like when i was sa'd or like something fucked up ive done, but its water under the bridge and doesnt rlly affect me anymore. i dont know, i just get the feeling that people will be repulsed if they see the real me. the me that is insecure and struggling and tired and angry. god im fucking angry, but im also so goddamn complacent, which is infinitely worse.

i am in the process of changing my life in a drastic way, which is needed. wont say how but it should shake things up in a good way. unfortunately its also partially a waiting game. so im stuck here in this in-between where i am given the privilege and honor of being alone with all of my thoughts!!!

i think i am having an identity crisis. I dont know what defines me anymore and i dont know who i want to be. ive thought about changing my name. im already changing what i wear (slightly). and weirdly enough even though i am a straight, cis dude, i occasionally have very very slight doubts about my sexuality and gender. its probably normal tho who knows.

I think this stems from a lack of masculinity in my life. having high free testosterone does not make me a man. being aggressive or stoic does not make me a man. but theres this concept of a real man in my head as something to aspire to be, but its an extremely vague and loose concept ive formed. despite being 20, i dont really see myself as a man. but im not a boy either. not to say im non binary. im just in this awkward in-between period. I wish i had a genuine masculine figure in my life who i could look up do. my dad is more like reddit atheist ben shapiro who debatelords me when he doesnt like me doing something. i dont live with him anymore so those problems are in the past, but the lack of a male role model is catching up to me, and its on me to define my own masculinity, but like fuckkkkkk i dont think ur supposed to do this by urself.

i been feeling mad weak. i always was a pussy on leg day and its showing now that i havent been to the gym for months. it really makes me feel pathetic. that 15% increase in struggle for things that i used to pick up with ease is really shameful, or embarrassing, or idk. it just fucking sucks. I want to be a strong person who cannot be surmounted, like a legendary dragon. But at the same time i dont know if these desires are my own or some responsibility i put onto myself as a means to gain social acceptance. its probably something i should put thought into when im eating enough and actually going to the gym, but i think ive been holding off because i feel so pathetic.

its a brutal cycle too. I feel pathetic from prior experiences where ive been demeaned (so a lot) -> i feel i dont have the grit or willpower to do something -> i try something thinking ill fail or just avoid it outright -> i feel pathetic. shit sucks ass.

anyways word vomit over thats p much it

[skelltan]

i've seen a lot of memes lately about being nice to urself and not erroneously conflating negative thoughts u have about yourself to those ur friends have about you - and dont get me wrong thats a great message and totally true - but idk how many people realize like. how hard it is to reconcile with that when you've had countless ppl cut you off for reasons you're unsure of and the friends you're assigning those thoughts to don't really talk to you often so you don't really have much reason to believe they do give a shit about you

obviously ppl will go "well if they dont talk often find friends who do!/they do care, theyre just busy!" which again. both true yeah. but really hard to reconcile with a history of ppl cutting u off and barely having connections with ppl to begin with

[femmefitz]

Been thinking a lot about that quote by the guy who coined the "ordeal of being known" thing where he says that in reality all of the things you think are dark and scary and isolating about yourself are really just common and banal.

[sakasakiii]

What are your favorite romantic ships in the silmarillion, if you ship any?

hoo boy!! i am so so sorry this took like 2 weeks to get back to anon pls forgive me 😭😭 but definitely, i had a lot of fun answering this question, so thank you sm for asking anon!!! ❤️ brace urself tho this is gonna be a long post... 

from the top of my head, my no. 1 fave ship has to be feanor and nerdanel-- ive keyboard smashed abt in tags before, but really, from beginning to end it just breaks my heart?! i love everything about it, from feanor’s attraction to her, to nerdanel’s (initial) ability to keep him in line, and even the circumstances up until the exile are smthn i find so interesting to explore... but really sad too... 

heres some non angsty feanerdanel sketches cuz im in denial abt how it ended 😭 im def in favour of happy endings, so thats why i binge fanfics where feanor gets released from mandos and reconciles with nerdanel lmao. but honestly, i like all interpretations of their relationship so i never grow tired of it! 

some other ships of mine would be:

1. Aegnor and Andreth: dont get me wrong i LOVE tolkien’s canon elf-man couples (beren/luthien, tuor/idril) but A&A’s being the only one where the roles are swapped AND ends tragically is just… oof, professor why !!!  

2. Caranthir and Haleth: in all honesty while i rly liked the concept of them waaaay back when i was new to the fandom, i tried not to ship them cuz i tried to stay faithful to tolkien’s notes of moryo having a wife back in valinor... but then i saw more fanfics/art, decided to forget moryo had a wife, and gave in

3. Turin and Angst: somehow still less uncomfortable than Turin and Nienor lmao pls give the man a vacation he deserves it

4. Fingolfin and Anaire: this doesnt rly count ig cuz tolkien never wrote abt them at ALL so it’s mostly based off my hcs and the content i get off fanfics, but hey… they are the power couple that made fingon, so ofc i gotta bias 💅

5. Melkor and Nienna: a disaster rarepair i just stumbled upon last week, but a theory i saw online that they were intended to be another one of the valar couples (given how all of them are paired up except ulmo/nienna/melkor) is one i find vv interesting! I could ramble on and on abt the implications - maybe in a separate post if i ever venture into the valar side of content one day - but tl;dr this is one ship i prefer ending tragically/unfulfilled/badly just cuz… melkor 

[jlf23tumble]

Hi Jen, I hope you don't mind me asking this. Really need some advice on how to cope in this fandom. Idk why people keep yucking other people's yum. The other day I just quoted "Louis is such a goofy dad" and I received my first K-Word myself in my anon inbox. They stated "Louis is a MILF and a slut!! go k-word urself" and I'm just in shock? Idk people keep wanting a certain narrative to be true. Can't we all have opinions? Have funsies? I just stated he's a goofy dad and I get this? Any advice?

OH MY GOD, oof, yeah, having had this "fun" experience before, I'm truly sorry you got this message, I mean, I'd feel like that about literally anything anyone's posting on social media in the year 2022, but especially anyone posting about One fucking DIRECTION seven years after they broke up. He absolutely IS a goofy dad, you're right, you should say it, I wonder which dumdum blouie's gonna come send me this kind of garbage, I'll leave you in the dogpile of my inbox with the other tragedies sharin' a sad wank in the clowncar that is this fandom, I'm sure your fave is real proud! Ahem. Anyway, the sad truth is that a bulk of people still living in the 2012 era have a hard time reconciling the differences between 1D fiction and 1D reality on just about every level (the hot takes I have on this one, so spice, and it's not just the BL "paradise" crowd), so there isn't a lot you can really *do* about it, but maybe these ideas will help?

1. Ignore. Just ghost and don't respond, don't block it, don't vague it, pretend you never got it...odds are they aren't even following you, they're just looking to start some shit. Pro: if they're a real person following you, they'll keep comin' back, lookin' for that sweet sweet release that will make them feel relevant yet will never, ever come. Con: they might keep coming back to harass you in your inbox, which is fucking annoying.

2. Block. This is somewhat effective but not entirely. My stinky traffic dropped off when I went hunting for that circle of monsters and proactively blocked them all BEFORE they could send it--search for something like who are your fave BL blogs or whatever, and go to town on block city. (I would take a look at the op of the post you added your tag to as well, maybe check out recent notes) Pro: you will magically prevent a lottttt of horseshit from coming your way. Con: you will catch glimpses of a hell you will never unsee.

3. Report. Especially in this case! I haven't seen if it actually works or not, though, so I don't really have a good pro/con answer here, and it could suck MIGHTILY if it turns out a favorite mutual sent this your way. (Which reminds me: check who's following you and do some preemptive blocking work that way, too.)

4. Turn off anon. I swear to god, this works, jesus, they're such cowards.

5. Firehose. Depending on how petty you're feeling, BURY your feed in dilf Louis content. There are blogs that specialize in spank hands daddy Louis, goofy drunk bbq dad Louis, actual dad Louis--reblog the FUCK out of all of 'em, give it a fun tag if you want (for my special anon who's into milfs), just spray a virtual firehose of daddy louis content until this person blocks YOU. Pro: you will jettison a lot of people, hopefully including whoever's lurking. Con: you will jettison a lot of people who probably enjoy other content you put on their dash, but oh well! There's a price to pettiness, always, so weigh that one out.

God, I wish people would get over the weird pearl-clutching fear they have over Louis's dad antics on ANY level, so I secretly hope you drop this bomb and let me know how it goes! But real talk, I hope you feel okay in the aftermath of getting this kind of shitty ask--if you ever want to message me directly, I'm here!

[elytrafemme]

your post from an hour ago about staying ahead of yourself and being mature,, ough

Thank you for wording something I’ve had a tendency to do in that way

“ive spent all my life being almost too aware of everything, always having to be one step ahead of myself to keep going. and having to be without flaw to the point i was deeply flawed w/o realizing”

You’re not alone

And thanks for putting it in words/g

<333 very happy that resonated w u. its something so important to me bc i think one of the most damaging things is to become so hypervigilant abt everything that u dont let urself make mistakes or do silly things. like it took me until i was 16 really to realize i could like ... embarrass myself in public by doing silly things w my friends. and realizing that was so fucking freeing but i had to teach myself that, still am teaching myself that.

its so important to let urself be human & flawed. bc when u try to make urself as perfect as u think a person will be, you will fail, bc life is just an endless chase of reconciling what feels good and what feels bad and how we can grow.

in a sense i think everything is an uphill trajectory for everyone bc u are constnatly learning more than u learned yesterday. u are doing more silly things and making more mistakes than u did yesterday. ur world is expanding with every moment and i think that just means that every day we r becoming more whole.

self awareness is a good thing! has always been nd im glad im able to be self aware. but sometimes u have to shut off ur brain for a second and go. let me do this thing. let me experiment let me try it out. an important concept in human development is the idea of play i think, with animals too. u have to let urself play. u have to let urself do things. and its okay to not be mature all the time . we're all just trying to be as happy as possible

love u anon. im glad that my ramble made sense bc sometimes i feel like im just going on and on a bit incoherently. but im so glad it meant something to u i am.