#you have to make that decision knowing what the pitfalls are but i can understand wanting to do something else

[marimoscorner]

Consumerism & Witchcraft

Written by Marimo (he/they)🌿

I’ve seen a turn for the better in some witchy spaces regarding consumerism in the past few years, but overall it still tends to be an issue for us as a community. I’ve decided to try and breakdown the pitfalls I’ve noticed in my own journey, in the hopes that it will inspire and assist others. I’ve also provided alternatives and ideas on how to make small changes in our practice to help us better protect the Earth, stick it to the failing system and still acquire our bits and bobs we love so dearly.

As always, I am no authority on any subject nor am I perfect—but we’re all learning as we go, so let’s dive right in 🌿

A Preface

There are some things that should be made entirely clear before we begin:

You are not a bad person for wanting an aesthetic

You are not a bad person for unknowingly falling into pitfalls. Only if you continue to purposefully do so after knowing better

You are not a bad person for consuming content/objects or for not always making the most sustainable decisions. At the end of the day, we can only control our small part of environmental impact, while the rest is left up to the major corporations that make more pollution than any of us ever will

You are only human. Show yourself some grace and understanding that the internet so lacks.

My Experience in Consumerist Hell

I have fallen victim many times to consumerism in witchcraft. Starting my journey at the ripe age of about ten years old and heavily in the broom closet, I was quickly drawn in by the shiny rocks, the brand new candles and scents, the promise of new tarot decks and pendulums and other fancy, shiny new equipment. I was consuming an online aesthetic along with my ideals, and it distracted me from starting my journey by learning well.

I began to spend my birthday and holiday money on the aesthetic of things. While, granted, I still did buy a few literary resources now and again from my local secondhand bookstore—I was stubbornly ignoring the sage advice to learn and understand first before diving in headfirst.

I purchased statues, crystals, too many tarot decks to use. I purchased osteomancy bones I later returned to the earth, for I had not done enough research to know that that animal was mine to practice with. I had a tankard full of incense sticks, and even a growing pile of books that would not be read. While I liked to consider myself crafty with my homemade Maypole and various hand-bound Grimoires, something was becoming apparent: this was all a distraction.

The aesthetic I was partaking in was providing me with a false sense of progress and practicality.

When I’d go to do a tarot reading, I’d become far too overwhelmed with choosing a deck to read in the first place. When making an offering to a deity, I’d feel pressured to also bolster the altars of all the other deities I’d set up, and with my wide pool, the connections felt muddy. Often times I’d be off-put on a project or spell because I knew I needed to film it and it needed to look nice.

In the long term, I don’t have many of these items today. I’ve sold and donated a vast breadth of them. Feeling overwhelmed costed me a few years retreat from my craft to recuperate. However, what has stuck with me is the knowledge I picked up along the way.

So, What’s the Issue? TL;DR

I’ve noticed a few issues here in making these mistakes myself.

Consumerism absolutely distracts you from learning and your craft

Overconsumption leads to environmental damage. If everyone hoarded supplies, there would not be enough to go around. And with what gets thrown away every year…it paints an ugly wound on the Earth

We damage our learning abilities by not allowing ourselves to be anything less than perfect

The need for aesthetic creates barriers to entry within the community and creates a divide of haves and have-nots

You won’t be able to truly follow your individual path if you are only consuming and not creating for yourself

Consumerist culture promotes appropriation. Metaphysical stores carry items from closed practices (such as white sage and palo santo, or coyote bones) because someone is buying them. Don’t be that person, and find alternatives relating to your own culture instead

Consumerism can influence your spiritual decisions based upon monetary inclinations (where some may sacrifice a quality ingredient over a higher quantity of a lower quality ingredient)

So, what can we do?

Firstly, I want to clarify that I am not against collecting, nor am I against maximalism or the beautiful visual aesthetic we carry as a community.

I am an artist a very visual person and understand the longing for a beautiful home and workspace. However, this aesthetic shouldn’t come at the cost of irresponsibly harming the Earth or another community.

Thus, I’ve compiled a list of small things that I will be incorporating into my practice to make it more mindful and sustainable. I hope that you’ll join me in a few of them.

Minimize Supplies. While I used to have a huge selection of stationary for my Grimoire, I now limit myself to a simple pencil and watercolor set if I’m feeling artistic. This helps me actually use my Grimoire for study, rather than to keep perfect. It’s also friendlier on my wallet!

Thrift Supplies. There are plenty of perfectly good items that get donated daily. You can get high-quality candles and holders, old crystal bowls for altar offerings, spare crafting supplies, fabric for alter cloths and even clothing if you so wish—all for a fraction of the cost new and while saving the planet just a little bit more. Hell, you can sometimes even find good silver!

Share Supplies with your Community. You can create a sort of barter system with other witches in your area. Perhaps you create a sigil for them, and they provide you with a candle spell. Play to your strengths and grow together!

Look for Creative Outlets. Do you really need to go buy an altar statue that’s been mass-produced? Or can you give your deity the personal gift of a drawing, painting or even hand-modeled or hand-carved rendition? This will also deepen your connection to your craft and your magic, and make it more meaningful and stronger. If you really like something, though, go for it!

If you aren’t the artistic sort, consider supporting an artist before going to a large company. While I haven’t purchased from them myself, Blagowood on Etsy has beautiful deity statues carved from wood by their small team in Ukraine for a comparable cost to the standard mass produced metal statues. I consider this extra labor of love going into these pieces and those of similar small companies to be much better energy for my practice. I myself may put out some art prints and other handmade supplies in the future, but I will likely spread them around my community first.

Try Secondhand Books. While not available in every area and further still not as available for witchcraft and occult books, you may strike luck! Not only are secondhand books less expensive, but you’ll be supporting a local business. That’s not to say you can’t buy firsthand books, but some searching around may be beneficial to the earth and to your wallet in the long run.

Be mindful of where you source supplies and decor. If you are a fan of taxidermy decor, make sure that you source cruelty free. Bats can practically never be sourced without cruelty, so if a shop carries them, I’d be mindful of their other specimens. The same goes for if a shop decides to forgo a culture’s wishes and carry supplies sacred to them, such as white sage or dreamcatchers. Supporting folks who turn a profit off of others’ suffering is not something many would wish to include energetically in their craft.

Search the Wild for Tools. Find sticks, flowers and other plants out in the forest. Learn how to rockhound in your area for crystals. Your craft will be more powerful the more connected it is to the land you are surrounded by. Be sure to reference guides for safety and legality!

Get Creative with Purposes. If you are having difficulty finding exactly what you need by thrifting or searching, make another tool multipurpose if it would do the job good enough. Find supplies that are easy to source and work as substitutes for other ingredients (ex. Quartz as a stand in for other stones)

Spend more time Doing. Go out into the woods (safely) and advance your connection to the earth instead of worrying over the perfect item for your collection. Your craft will benefit

At the end of the day, all of this is your decision. Take what you like, and leave what you don’t. Even if we don’t agree, I thank you for your time and open mind. I will continue updating about how I incorporate these steps, and I will also hopefully post more on witchy crafting in the future.

I wish you well, and hope you’ll decide to follow along on our journey!

[nanowrimo]

Beyond the Word Count: A Book Editor's Guide to Writing a First Draft

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. First Draft Pro, a 2023 NaNoWriMo sponsor, is a beautifully designed writing app for fiction writers. Today, they've partnered with Kelly Norwood-Young, former book editor for Pan Macmillan and Penguin Random House, to bring you some pro tips on writing your first draft:

In my career as a book editor, I’ve reviewed hundreds of manuscripts. I've seen the joy of authors creating compelling tales, but also how disheartening it can be to rewrite a disjointed story. I’m here to give you some strategies to address common pitfalls so that you not only reach your NaNoWriMo goal, but also lay the groundwork for a manuscript that truly deserves to be called a gripping novel.

1. Have a plan.

Even if you’re more of a ‘pantser’ than a ‘planner’, it's really helpful to have an outline. I have two favourite approaches for this: the structure-first approach, and what I call the ‘Phoebe Waller-Bridge approach’.  

The structure-first approach

There are a lot of narrative frameworks for story structure, but the most foundational in Western fiction is the three-act structure. Here’s a handy guide that breaks each of the classical three acts into a day-by-day guide to NaNoWriMo: 

8-day guide to Act 1

14-day guide to Act 2

8-day guide to Act 3

The Phoebe Waller-Bridge approach

I love this quote from Phoebe Waller-Bridge: ‘I’ve never thought structure first. I’ve always thought material first, jokes first, character first ... But knowing the end really helps. Then you just go as far away from the end emotionally as you possibly can.’  

Sketch out your major story arcs, your character’s desires and conflicts, and the world they inhabit. The more you know your story's world and inhabitants, the less you'll stray into scenes that lack purpose or create plot and character inconsistencies. 

2. Keep the story moving.

Each word needs to propel your story forward. Superfluous details or tangents that don’t serve the narrative stall the momentum you’re trying to generate for your reader. 

There’s a trick you can use to move your story forward, called the question of reversibility. Ask yourself: How difficult would it be for my character to reverse their decision? The harder it would be for them to turn back, the more you’ve moved the plot forward. 

3. Plant clues carefully.

Plant important elements early and make sure every element, however subtle, serves a purpose (i.e. Chekhov’s Gun). 

Be sure to set up necessary components for your climax so that you can steer clear of Deus ex Machina (having that strong outline will help you here), and avoid red herrings unless they serve a clear, meaningful purpose (e.g. you’re writing a mystery and your readers expect some false leads). Misleading your readers without a payoff can erode their trust.

4. Write for the reader, not yourself.

‘There is only one thing you write for yourself, and that is a shopping list,’ insists Umberto Eco in On Literature. Even if writing, for you, is a therapeutic outlet, a form of self-expression, or a way to leave a legacy, you’re still writing to say something to someone else. Your story simply won’t be as strong if you forget your reader’s perspective. 

5. Keep daily editorial notes for your future self.

While editing should wait until at least December, end each day with a brief reflection, noting any off-course deviations, potential inconsistencies, areas to research further, or moments of inspiration to revisit when you start editing. 

These daily notes will be invaluable during the editing process, helping you to remember insights that are no longer fresh when you come back to the manuscript later.

6. Embrace the first-draft mentality.

There’s a lot you can do to ensure that your first draft is the best it can be before the end of November—but just as important is to understand that all first drafts have flaws.

As a book editor, I've witnessed manuscripts transform, sometimes unrecognizably, from their first drafts. Embrace the uncertainty and creative detours—because it's from this beautiful chaos that your story will find its true voice. 

Kelly Norwood-Young is a seasoned book editor and proofreader with comprehensive experience across various facets of manuscript editing. Her background includes roles at Pan Macmillan and Penguin Books, extending into a successful freelance career working with award-winning authors. Kelly's work, known for its precision and sensitivity to the author's voice, has been integral to the success of both new and established writers globally.

Try out First Draft Pro: All NaNoWriMo participants can use the discount code NANOWRIMO2023 for 20% off a premium subscription to First Draft Pro! Offer expires January 31, 2024.

[tobiasdrake]

Incidentally, on the topic of the Majin Buu arc.

FUN FACT: Did you know that Super Saiyan 3 blows?

And also Goku didn't throw that fight. People keep saying Goku threw that fight, but he lost it legitimately.

From the moment Goku broke this out, it was the shit. The ultimate of Super Saiyan forms (unless you'd seen marketing of Super Saiyan 4 because GT was already out by the time Z came to the West.)

Unbelievably powerful, to the point it could make short work even of Majin Buu.

There's. Uh. There's just one problem. One teensy-weensy itsy-bitsy little problem with Super Saiyan 3.

It sucks.

More specifically, it's imperfect. Goku warns that it's a work in progress.

But for all the form's power, it's fatally flawed. Neither Goku nor Gotenks is ever able to accomplish anything with the form because of one critical weakness.

It's a weakness that the Super Saiyan has always had. In addition to heightened berserker-aggression and poor decision-making, the other key drawback of the Super Saiyan is that it bleeds ki - an effect that gets amplified when you break its limits.

This is why Goku and Gohan gave up on breaking the limits of the Super Saiyan, instead opting to train their bodies to acclimate to the form instead. By training themselves to normalize the Super Saiyan, they eliminated its drawbacks - both the heightened aggression and the bleeding effect.

Ever the martial artist, Goku recognized that there's more to fighting than raw strength and chose not to step into the pitfall of "HAHAHA Look how HARD I can punch now!" that both Trunks and to a lesser extent Vegeta blindly ran into. Instead, he refined his technique and eliminated his weaknesses.

Which brings us. To the problem. Of him not having done that with Super Saiyan 3. By his admission, this is basically some prototype shit he cooked up yesterday that he hasn't had time to work the kinks out of.

Which. Is an issue. Because the kinks make themselves known throughout the arc. They make themselves very known. The biggest problem being that holy shit, this form bleeds ki so hard that it's basically useless.

The mega-amplification of the Super Saiyan's bleeding effect first makes itself known when it chews through the time Goku has on his free vacation pass from death.

Goku initially attributes this problem to the mortal world itself. It's fine if you do it in the heavenly realms but it bleeds ki too hard if you do it on Earth.

Unfortunately, Goten and Trunks borrow this idea from him and try it out for themselves. It goes about as well. It's all fun and games, and they dominate the fight until the bleeding effect drains every last ounce of ki they have and kick them out helplessly into base form.

Which brings us to the form's main event. Confronting Pure Buu on the world of the Kaioshins, Goku's initially cocky that Super Saiyan 3 will waste him. He brags that he could have taken Fat Buu in this form if he'd wanted to.

And. Like. Of course he's cocky. Why wouldn't he be? The bleeding effect is only a problem in the mortal world. They're in the heavenly realms right now. This isn't going to be a problem at a--

Oh. Never mind, Goku's having a hell of a time with Buu.

This is where the pop culture understanding of this fight takes a turn. It's commonly believed that Goku threw this fight because he wanted to let Vegeta have a turn.

That's. Not. What happened here. Rather, Goku's problem, or what Goku thinks is his problem, is that Buu's relentless assault isn't giving him breathing room to build his ki. He's having to fight constantly on the backfoot, unable to use the immense power of Super Saiyan 3 to its full potential.

This sets up a Dragon Ball classic: Vegeta has to hold the line while Goku charges up enough power to wipe out Majin Buu with an all-powerful super attack. Vegeta throws himself into it with gusto.

But Goku miscalculated.

Even with breathing room to spare, Goku still can't build his ki. Because his problem isn't the relentless assault.

It's the bleeding effect.

Because the problem isn't just that it bleeds ki too fast in the mortal world. It also bleeds ki too fast in a mortal body.

Goku never could have beaten Buu with this unpolished technique. He did not throw the fight. He gave it everything he had, and he failed. Maybe he could have taken Fat Buu with it. But even then, we only have his overconfident word for it and as we see here, he's vastly underestimated the form's drawbacks.

Super Saiyan 3 is a poorly-tested prototype that screwed every single person who ever used it. Goku was right when he said that the regular Super Saiyan is best.

[forevergoldgame]

Episode 1 Progress Update

According to timestamps it's been approximately 3 months since our last update. Embarrassing! This is why I'd never survive as a career social media person. Thankfully, the lack of updates isn't due to a lack of progress - we've been working on the game the whole time. There's just a bit of a story to tell there... you may have heard the phrase, "progress isn't always a straight line." It is a phrase that haunts the mind of every creative, but our contempt for it does not make it any less true.

This post is all good news, though! Keep reading for more details.

So, what happened?

As we said last update, after the demo we more or less jumped right into producing Episode 1. We had a clear vision of the common "beginning of story" pitfalls we were going to avoid, and our strategy for avoiding those. There was just one problem:

We spent so much energy avoiding them in our first pass of Episode 1 that we accidentally ended up ignoring what the story needed and recreating the issues we aimed to avoid.

Luckily, we had only wasted maybe a month or so on this version of the story. We knew it would cause delays, but we didn't want to write an update about it until we had a draft of Episode 1 that we trusted. An update that only reads "um... yeah we don't like it, we're going to do something else but we dunno what yet" doesn't exactly inspire confidence in a project, you know?

It is safe to say we have that better draft now. There are still many scenes to finish and editing passes to be done and bugs to quash, but this improved version of Episode 1 has made it through the uncertainty of development and I can say with confidence it is the version of Episode 1 you will receive.

Compared to the draft we burned, this one is much better suited to the twine medium. While certainly longer than our freakishly truncated first draft, the pacing is far more organic, allowing players more opportunities to play and make decisions as they are brought up to speed on the status quo of the setting and Quincy's place in the world at the outset. Though there is a lot of ground to cover, my hope is that it will be interesting in and of itself and not reek of "unskippable videogame tutorial."

With that out of the way, I'd like to address a question a few of you are probably thinking:

"Will these sort of draft rewrite delays be a common issue?"

Nope! We meant it when we said that our aim for future releases is smaller, frequent updates. The problem with Episode 1 is that it is a unique challenge to build and by nature cannot be a "small update."

There is no other point in the story (aside from perhaps the beginning of Act 2) that is going to be as fiddly as this. Episode 1 bears a lot of responsibilities that other episodes just won't. It has to be a hook for the main plot. It has to give readers enough information about the setting and how it works to understand said plot. It has to introduce a number of core characters. Toughest of all, it has to do these things competently enough that people who read it want to come back for Episode 2!

So, we kind of have no choice but to put in the extra time here. Them's the breaks!

In other news...

The delays on the writing end gave me more time to sure up the UIX and fix/pretty up some stuff I was originally going to let be. I won't detail everything I've done, but mobile users will be pleased to know there will be an adjustment slider for swipe sensitivity and all users will be pleased to know that the layout just generally breaks less in the coming version of the game. I've continued to implement user feedback and make navigation more intuitive where I can.

I've also prettied up some layout elements even though no one asked me to...

...and redrawn other utility art for the game. Look at this map! You can kind of tell what Vestur's landscape is supposed to be like now! You can hardly detect how much I struggled when deciding where the major rivers were!

As we continue to lick Episode 1 into shape, we hope to share more specific tidbits with you all. If all goes well, the phase of development where we can show teaser screenshots is right around the corner.

Thank you for your patience!

-LS

[bullet-prooflove]

hi! can i request Taylor Swift Mixtape Prompt #45 - Clandestine meetings and longing stares with Beau “Cyclone” Simpson please? Thank you! 💕

The First Time Series:

The First Time - How it starts.

Patience (NSFW) - Beau takes his time with you.

North Carolina - A car accident leads Beau to ask an important question.

After that first night Beau and you keep your relationship quiet.

You both understand the pitfalls of dating a superior officer. It doesn’t matter that you work in different divisions, that you’re highly commended and well accomplished, it’s you that will catch the flack.

Ambitious, they’ll call you.

It’s a veiled word for bitch or slut.

Beau fucking despises it.

It’s the times he runs into you on base that Beau finds the hardest because he has to resist the compulsion to reach out for you, to touch you. He has to pretend that he doesn’t know what it sounds like when you’re in the throes of passion, that he hasn’t left love bites underneath the collar of your shirt.

It goes on like this for over a year until you have to make a decision about your next posting. He tries to give you a little space because it’s a difficult choice, you could go anywhere in the world, and he doesn’t want to be the reason you make a decision that you regret.

“Victims Support Services.” You tell him one night in a hotel room in San Diego. “It’s close, on base…”

“Ally,” He says softly as he turns to face you. You’re sitting up naked in bed, the sheets covering your assets as your back rests against the headboard. “I’m being deployed to Germany next month.”

“Oh.” You say and something in your heart just breaks because you’ve done something you’ve never done before, you’ve started to plan a future, you’ve put someone else ahead of yourself.

You say nothing as you slip out from underneath the sheets and head into the bathroom. You turn on the shower, the heated water raining down on you, drowning out all the noise in your head.

That’s how you learn not to choose love over your career, that duty must always come first.

@kmc1989 @justameresimp @agentorange9595 @handsupforamiracle @lxaah11 @librarian1002 @imaginecrushes @flrboyd @areamir @nani-kenobi @b-bradshaw @adaydreamaway08 @crimeshowjunkie @shepgurl @inkandarsenic @caffeinatedwoman @tortilla-maria1 @lemmons1998 @dr-alan-grantler @burningpeachpuppy @penguin876 @deliriousfangirl61 @goosterroose @kishie8 @s3lz454 @skyesthebomb dizzybee03

[shinesurge]

ALSO while we're on the topic of audiences and editing: i made some irl comic friends and they're both extremely Colorado Art School Kids, and my own storytelling education is "angry weird child trapped in appalachia making art out of necessity" so we run into a lot of fundamental differences in our approaches (WHICH is good and fine actually! i'm Learnin stuff). One of the biggest ones is oh my god, holy shit, creators have GOT to interact with audiences more.

One thing my Very Seriously Educated Comic Friend keeps wanting to help me with is that kc tends to be harder to parse because I don't hold the audience's hand, which y'all know is a thing I angst about a lot for various disorderly reasons. He's right! There are a lot of places I could improve in that regard. Mechanically. There's nothing for it as far as actual content goes; Kidd Commander deals with a lot of nuance and abstract concepts and there's not much to be done about that without compromising the story, which I personally won't do, so I've accepted it's better to lean into it rather than worry about appealing to a bad faith audience.

When I tell him this, that there's little sense in trying to dumb things down because there IS no point where that will work any better than it does now, we usually argue (like, the way that you argue about art over coffee). He thinks the goal here is much closer than it is, he's proposing a quick detour to the gas station instead of trying to land on the fucking moon lmao. It is. So SO clear that he (and most storytellers I talk to tbh) has only ever discussed storytelling with other educated artists and not the majority of actual comic readers/media consumers, who have never engaged with media analysis in their lives. Even when he's trying to discuss the theoretical Common Denominator Reader it sounds like this

When I quit interacting directly with The Webcomic Ecosystem for my own health I made the conscious decision to immerse myself into the reader side of things, specifically BECAUSE there are always going to be more Readers reading me than other writers, and I feel like that feedback is very valuable. I also want to understand another perspective that is different from mine! It's certainly got its pitfalls but there are a lot of positives that come from this and I do recommend it if you've got the stomach for it. I genuinely think one of the things that has improved my work and my relationship with it the most is spending a decade reading feedback from people who will never, ever, ever understand comics more complex than instagram pop psychology strips. Or relatives who don't understand how sequential pages work, or people who watch youtube Ending Explained videos, or readers who don't know what to do when a protagonist makes a bad decision. I ALSO went to school for storytelling, I was primed to have this exact problem and I did for a while. But being brought up isolated in a creative wasteland irl AND jumping directly from academic media analysis to the fucking webcomics reddit did a great job burning away a lot of that lmao. WE'RE the weird ones for writing papers about books, or caring to learn enough to create functional stories; this is a WEIRD WEIRD THING we are doing and it's important to know that so you can make informed decisions about your creative actions. Read the comments, be horrified, adjust expectations accordingly.

[melodyofthevoid]

The Crane Wives Analyzed: Coyote Stories

(Yes I’m changing the verb every time I think it’s funny)

The mellower of the albums, this focuses on the self. Songs of introspection and reflection. From the firmly anti-capitalism “Hand That Feeds” to the melancholic “Never Love an Anchor”. It isn’t to say there aren’t any moments of intensity. In fact, the vocalists have moments of growls deep and hungry as the eponymous coyotes themselves.

Keep You Safe 

It is human instinct to shield oneself from danger, from the fear of the unknown. The pitfalls of anxiety make any risk feel insurmountable and an eternity is spent looking from the outside in. The singer’s feelings took root in childhood, nerves keeping them from climbing trees in fear of a fall, of hurting themself. Believing that they weren’t strong enough, brave enough, weren’t enough to even attempt to try. Watching their friends from a distance as they made it to the heights that inspired such fear. 

And then the thesis: Nothing in life comes easy, spoken from a father to a child. Being afraid of the world, of the future, it’s a security blanket. An easy escape that fails to fix any real problems, it won’t truly keep you safe. Waiting and hoping to just suddenly become brave, or strong enough, it won’t happen. 

As the singer ages the fears shift, collecting over the years. Not limited to only heights and falling, but grander more existential threats. Fears collected from those around them, accumulated from the news, from loved ones, from friends, trapping the singer in a new web they fear they can’t escape from. They carry them, all of their untold regrets, all of the plans abandoned by the wayside, and remember what their father told them. 

Knowing that mistakes will occur no matter what is one thing, acting is another. That first step can appear insurmountable, an eternal obstacle to one’s dreams and ambitions. Because what if? What if this step is a mistake? What if this leads to ruin? What if- What if. How can one say “come what may” when all their life they’ve let that fear paralyze them? 

It’s no easy feat, it’s hard, and sometimes, you will fail. But some of the most beautiful parts of life come from those risks, and it’s worth it in the end to climb that tree, pursue that dream, try to be better, braver, because time will pass anyways. You’re no safer in the dark than in the light, so why not? 

The Moon Will Sing 

Often the Sun and Moon are tied together in symbolism as a pair of mutual lovers or siblings, each with their own beauty. But the truth is that the Moon is simply a ball of rock, reflecting the light of the Sun back to Earth. It doesn’t shine on its own. Forever caught in Earth’s orbit circling around the larger star. Waxing and waning, glowing a faint cold imitation in the night sky. 

So too does the singer reflect their partner, a hollowed out shell that only feels worth when they’re with their lover. Being who they’re told to be, in spite of knowing that they at one time possessed the power to be anyone yet they let their partner, their sun, make that choice for them, guide them through the dark. Never once questioning their decisions. The slow guitar a quiet melancholy companion in their lament. 

Their heart is empty, bare of any love, endless empty rooms of what could’ve been reminding the singer constantly and yet the weight of a decade’s worth of blind trust and manipulation leave them apathetic. Lying in the dusty bed with their lover wondering what it was truly worth. There’s the implication that they’ve both made their peace with the exhaustion, but it’s impossible to know how their Sun feels. Only the mutual acceptance that this is all that there is. 

The chorus entreats to the Moon to sing a song for them, to share in their plight. The only being to understand their pain and tell their story. They know that they love their partner like the sun, bearing the brunt of their darkness and claiming that they had no light of their own. Yet who told them that? Their partner? Others in their life? Regardless of where the belief came from, they shine only –in their eyes– with the light given to them. With the person they’d become. 

Perhaps emboldened by the realization that this relationship, who they’d become is not who they want to be, they confront their partner. Lamenting all of who they once were that they’d lost to their lover. Hoarded, implying a theft that’s left them without. All of the words bitten back over the years leaving wounds inside, they want to be themselves again. Have the fire and bite that they’ve so long been denied. 

It’s a story without a resolution, a dance with no ending. A moon trapped in the orbit of a sun. 

Allies or Enemies 

It happens on occasion, a word slips out without meaning to. Maybe it’s been a long day, or week, a hard time in general. Maybe patience that typically let issues slide before ran out, and you let out a statement in closed quarters that felt good to say, yet it wasn’t genuine. Authentic. Yet someone overheard, and now it’s a problem. It started a fight, and you’re left with the question of what happens next? 

The singer’s words are destructive, in their own admission, wildfires and weeds that spread far beyond where they started them. Plaguelike in their transmission. Perhaps it was frustration that tinged their vision red and let loose pointed insults, weaknesses they knew the other had but promised to never target. A threat they didn’t mean. They swear that they didn’t mean it, voice dropping lower before swelling again as they ask their partner to listen to them. That moment of weakness wasn’t meant to be heard, using the turn of phrase “you owe me ears for dropping eaves” to call their partner out for listening in. Asking for the moment to be forgotten before asking the titular question: are we allies or enemies?

The third verse reminisces on better times when an off comment or heated moment could be dispelled with a joke. Anger fizzling into nothing. Now it’s different, now the anger lingers and the air grows cold. They’re fighting now and it hurts, neither happy about the situation and the singer pleading for the “war” to stop. 

Because the options are now to either give their relationship another try or to bow out, walk away from one another. And in spite of the troubles they’ve had, the singer wants to try again. They want to put the war to bed and love again, to be let in and try to remedy what’s been done. Still the uncertainty remains, are they in fact allies or enemies? 

Unraveling 

Love and loss run as constant themes throughout The Crane Wives’ discography, the latter serving as the origin of so much hurt. Formerly happy memories sour, the relationship that once brought out the best in you now falls apart. That support system shattering, especially if the relationship meant more to one party than the other. 

In the midst of the journey, one can forget that there was ever a problem, as the singer recalls. Their first love a tailor, who took to them as though they were a project. Eagerly attending to their needs, “stitches neat and clean”. And now that love is gone, the work unfinished, and the singer is unraveling. 

Each love following carries a different title, a gardener, a carpenter, each using their skill sets to fix in the only ways they know how. The gardener plucks away weeds and trims the excess, the carpenter carves a smile and sands down the edges, and each one leaves in the end. Each change that they made a source of suffering now that they’re gone. With the “weeds” plucked away and without a hand to tend, the singer is withering. The carpenter sanded the edges but those held them together and now cracks are widening. 

The singer laments that they didn’t understand how much they needed those they were with, and while this may be a “taken for granted” statement, in the broader context of the song it’s a realization of how intertwined they became in their relationships. 

Their last love married them, “tied me up in knots” or in plain terms, tied the knot. The line before that “kissed me once before he left” implies perhaps a draft or war, a brief love where the pair married before they were likely ready. He left, promising to come back home and then never returning. 

A personal interpretation is that all of the lovers: the tailor, the gardener, the carpenter, the man, are all the same person. The singer lamenting the different aspects of him now that he’s gone. The “you” in “I never knew I needed you” could very well be singular or plural, but I feel that’s up for interpretation. 

Hard Sell 

Fun part of growing up, as I and others have discovered, is the fact that no one has it all together. Everyone’s just making things up as they go along to the best of their ability. Which kind of sucks honestly when you first hit that revelation. Because all your life you’ve operated under the assumption that adults know what’s going on. That people in charge have a plan. But no, actually. 

And that makes life tricky at best. Much to the singer’s chagrin. Each day they get up and do their best to make something out of their lives, pushing aggressively on good days to buy into the “hard sell” of the way life is supposed to go. A hard sell, in marketing terminology, is an overly forceful sales tactic. High pressure and meant to close a deal. When things are going well, the singer can swallow the bitter pill. Most of the time there’s nothing they can get a grip on, it either tears into them or falls apart at the slightest touch. Moth wings and barbed wire. 

It’s tearing them apart too, their voice stopping and starting in sentences as though on the verge of the breakdown that they’re warning they’re on the brink of. They want a respite, someone to come in, wipe their tears away and say it’s alright. Comfort is in short supply in a world obsessed with profits and success. Where not having it all together is a badge of shame. 

They ask if it’s really just them who can’t get their life in perfect order? Is everyone pretending to have it all wrapped up in a nice little bow? They’re holding on with a loose thread of their own but they keep pulling at it. Trying to get closer to perfection or tear it all apart. 

The compulsion to pick and tear at any flaw or imperfection comes with the desire to eliminate them. Because if you can pull away the holes, maybe there’s something worthwhile underneath. “A better me”. There isn’t, not one that can be revealed like this. 

They plead for everyone to stop pretending for a moment, so maybe they could all be honest with themselves. Maybe then they could all actually figure things out. Be a little kinder. Or maybe not, and it’s all a mess regardless. 

Rock Slide 

A quick, breezy song, running fast and sudden as the titular event. A distinctly Folk™ aesthetic, the kind of song passed down and sang with a small town dance. It swings and swirls and then lets you go. 

The singer feels the oncoming disaster coming from the mountain top, warning their lover that they’d better skip town and run before the rock slide buries them alive. They’d only just arrived, just planted roots but the singer insists they have to go lest “the devil come to claim them”. 

It seems the pair have tumbled their way from town to town, and there’s something on the horizon that gives the singer reason to fear that their time is up and they have to go. Sprinting away without looking back. 

Why are they running? What are they running from? The law? Are they con-artists? Is their relationship forbidden, and they have to go before they’re found out and killed? The line “that monster’s coming and it don’t care for you or me” seems to point towards the latter, with a pursuing force that will never stop. Sees them as less than human. 

A brief song, one of a few on this album, but a fun one. 

Metaphor 

Ah the metaphor, that favorite of literary devices. A comparison that can dress up any subject, turning the mundane into the extraordinary. Blood red sunsets, the infinite diamond tapestry of the night sky, they accentuate, and in some cases, obfuscate. Like the lyrics in many of the songs in the Crane Wives’ repertoire, the singer relies on metaphor to obscure the meaning of their words. Dressing their language in borrowed phrases and secondhand expressions picked up from others to keep themselves apart, separate. Their intentions untrustworthy at face value.

Because sometimes it’s easier to keep cards close to the chest and become a character rather than let someone in. If one wraps themselves in enigma, then they don’t have to worry how others see them, they control their perception. It’s safe, it’s clean. 

They keep no secrets, no skeletons in their closet, because instead they dig graves. They cut contact, they leave. Or perhaps they’re the one who’s been left before. Once bitten and twice shy, no longer willing to expose the truth of themselves for fear that it will be turned against them. They beg for you not to look too deeply into the words they say, to look at them for too long, lest you see the scars. 

And again they acknowledge that they’ve honed their skills, stretching the truth into sweet meaningless fluff. Cotton candy, without substance and liable to fade away at the slightest touch. Untrustworthy, as they’ve made themselves to be. 

The Hand That Feeds 

The anti-capitalist anthem we need in these trying times. All the more relevant with the rising surge of unions in the United States in the wake of years of abuse from those in power. A personal recommendation, if you can listen to a live recording of this song, please do. It will make you want to yell and scream the song in tandem as a fair warning, but it’s so worth it.

It’s a tale as old as time, the dream of working hard, earning a living, and making it for yourself in America. Yet, that dream serves as nothing more than fantasy, an empty promise obscuring the harsh reality. There’s no escape from the rat-race, no reward for a job well done. Any and all hope dashed against the grindstone. Those who come home from their jobs howl their laments to the sky, forced to work themselves to the bone in order to even scrape out a living. Chained to their jobs, nothing more than mere animals to the greater system. 

The chorus echoes sentiments of early work folk songs, coins clinking together in otherwise empty pockets. No real money but the bare minimum that makes noise in its lacking. It gives the song an aged quality, as though it came from the Great Depression where coins were often all a family had to feed themselves. Now pocket change can’t even buy a meal anywhere. They can’t stop the time either as it passes, generations stuck in the same cycles of poverty wages under the same circumstances and masters. 

The singer’s family endured this injustice, their father having traded his youth, his heath, his dreams for the Great American Ruse. Selling pieces of himself for cheap to put food on the table. But he warns his child to take their own path. He wanted to give them a better life than the one he’s made. Don’t follow his example or they’d have squandered those years of work. 

He taught them how to stand up for themselves, to not merely take what they’ve been handed and be grateful for the scraps. They deserve better, they are better. And the hand that feeds earns no loyalty, especially when it turns cruel and strikes those it deems lesser than. If you are a dog to them, remind them that a dog has teeth. 

And so the child raises their voice, proclaiming that their freedom is worth more than a paycheck. That the empty promise of becoming rich means servitude to the rich. They’ll never have them. 

Remember: you’re not a temporarily embarrassed millionaire. You have more in common with the man you see on the side of the road than you do any ceo. Any set of unfortunate circumstances could land you destitute. There’s power in numbers if the recent wave of strikes has shown anything. They rely on the man to make their numbers go up. 

Remind the hand that feeds that it still has fingers because we let it. 

Little Soldiers 

Love, war, two subjects that go hand in hand. The ever dragging drudgery of attempting to salvage a relationship when it’s devolved into nothing but fighting. It’s a familiar subject for the Crane Wives, and herein is the aftermath. The words they’d used to hurt one another the soldiers in the war, each side dug in and yet holding hands across enemy lines. (Perhaps the war in “Allies or Enemies” finally coming to a close). Pretending that everything was fine.

The singer swears that they loved their partner once. The line repeated at a near yell, as if daring them to challenge this fact. It’s frantic, desperate. And yet all too exhausted at the end of the war.

Each side resorted to dirty tricks and low moments in their fighting. Their partner would offer their secrets to others and let the “dogs” hurt them, hounds of the war. And the singer would bring their grievances to every room in their home, never giving a moments peace and yet their lover would hold them at night anyways.

Now they’re left without their lover and they swear they were loved once. That it meant something once.

At the bridge they concede that the whole thing is a loss, but not out of surrender. They’d each tried to make it work, afraid to give up for varying reasons. They’d done their best. It wasn’t enough.

And it’s over, the silence ringing with the remnants of war songs. Boxes packed as their lover moves away and leaves at the end of it all. The singer fought tooth and nail until the end and yet… it was futile. Their lover already left. Perhaps the war was more one sided than they initially thought.

The imagery of war, the trenches, coming home in boxes, it brings to mind thoughts of futility. Wars that never end with no “winner”. No resolution. They affirm, quiet now, that they swear that they loved their partner once. Then louder as they face the aftermath of the war. Left to pick up the pieces.

Sleeping Giants 

A song of awakening, starting off with the same rocking guitar from “Rock Slide”, both involving mountains. There’s a force rolling down the mountains, power rising in the land and rushing into their veins. Every aspect of nature from the moon to the trees are changing, there’s an uprising. An energy. Something is calling now, and it wants the singer to follow. 

Another one with not a lot going on lyrically, but it’s a rocking good time to listen to. 

Of Everlong 

A short and sweet melody, a melancholy lament of only vocals. A soft lullaby reminiscent of older bluegrass. A song of distance and a journey. Mourning for a lover to let them go after they’ve died, because in the end they belong to them. 

It’s a departure from their other songs, barely coming in at over a minute long, but it highlights how magical their harmonies are. 

Not much to say here, but a pleasure to listen to. 

Never Love an Anchor 

Oh where to begin with this song. How does one describe a wound? A hole where a heart goes? Knowing that they hurt when they were meant to heal. A role they were never meant to fill and failed to live up to. 

“On some level I think I always understood that these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever”. Off the bat the song hits with the self awareness that there is so much they could do but knowing that the attempt would break things, that they are clumsy. No skill to be found. And yet their heart it is “guilty not remorseful”. They keep this fact locked away but they know. They know that they’re failing, but don’t feel remorse. They fear their true feelings would be overbearing and thus keep them away, opting for neglect instead. 

The singer is an anchor, keeping their loved one weighed down in their mind. So they cut them loose. Set them sailing away. Letting the distance grow until they couldn’t hurt the other anymore. A necessary separation that leaves the singer forever wondering. Stuck in what-if scenarios, unsure of whether to breach the gap between them or to leave it be. How are they doing now? Better? Worse? Do they resent the lack of effort or understand? Do they deserve that understanding at all?

The paradox of being “someone I have loved but never known”. How do you unpack that? It evokes so many images of moments where love could be shown but was said. Small actions never done to prove that love. The barest bones of a relationship there, yet never explored, never encouraged. Even the singer acknowledges this, wondering if they’re ever thought of, wondering if there’s questions as to why they did what they did. Never tending to a fever, never holding gently. 

Others have spoken on the selfish nature of the singer, calling them cruel and callous. And they acknowledge this. And yet they wonder what the other thinks of them. Wonders if their failings outweigh the harm they might have caused if they had tried. 

Then there is the final line. “And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you.” What else is there to say? That the singer gave up before ever fully trying. That they resigned themselves to not getting attached so they wouldn’t have to bear the heartache themselves. They are selfish, and they leave whoever the song is addressed to with that knowledge. 

It is the failings of a parent, someone meant to love, the failing of a partner who doesn’t know and doesn’t want to risk themselves. It leaves the listener hollow, with the knowledge they did nothing wrong, but that they had no way of fixing something they likely threw themselves at in vain. 

The instruments in the back only heighten the emptiness, with a soft melancholic guitar and light drums as the only accompaniment. There is no anger in this sadness, no entreating. Only the sound in the space. 

New Discovery

A wistful wandering, that feeling that comes when the sun peeks through the clouds and breaks the fog. Expanding horizons broader than ever thought possible. If “Safe Ship, Harbored” lamented a shrinking horizon, then this declares a new journey. A yearning for more than what they have because they deserve more than simply staring at the water forever. They want to find something new, untouched, see beauty the world’s never known. What good is the world if everything’s already been seen? What’s the point of staying only within the known? 

It’s easy to get lost in the repetition of life though, when the days roll by like an endless desert. Rolling dunes identical to the naked eye. Yet, one can continue through, seeing the path behind them, a reminder that they’ve come a long way and there’s further to go. Pick a direction, and go. Keep going, and don’t waste the work you’ve done up to that point. 

The singer cries their hopes to the heavens, that they want something to be left for them, something new to discover, something more to life. Something waiting for them if they only try. 

And of love, the singer wants a love that’s ever changing. That as the years go on, as age alters their bodies and weathers their souls, they want to find something new to love. To never fully know their lover and find a new way to love them all over again. There can always be more, if they’re willing to discover it.

[oiblackestsheep]

Hello😊/

Can you, please, post about the differences between ESFJ and ENFJ?

As much as I read and even "understand" the difference, I'm having difficulty typing my mother (I'm talking to her about the Fe type based on von Franz's book and she is even identifying with the inferior Ti). I was almost sure she was ESFJ, but now I'm a little doubtful. Thank you very much!🙏🏽

Hey, thanks for reaching out! Thanks for being patient on this, hopefully it is helpful!

Short disclaimer: I haven't read von Franz's book, so this may not address any specific points of confusion you have about her book, but I was able to dig up a few excepts to give me an idea of the kind of perspective she takes when analyzing all of the types with respect to their inferior functions.

ENFJ vs ESFJ: What's the Difference?

So ENFJ and ESFJ are both Fe-dominant and Ti-inferior types with respect to the order of their cognitive functions. So if your mom is relating to the inferior Ti experience that von Franz outlines (being vulnerable to lashing out when their internal logic is being criticized), then you've definitely narrowed down your options, as you already know!

So the difference between the two lies in their auxiliary and tertiary functions. You mentioned that you were almost sure she was an ESFJ, so we'll start with that!

ESFJ: Fe-Si-Ne-Ti

The Si-Ne axis is the ESFJ's preferred perceiving axis. General characteristics include feeling more comfortable working with practical information to make decisions. Because this is Si we are talking about, it is best if the practical information comes from a source that has a lot of backing/support behind it, especially anecdotal support. This is because introverted sensing is a subjective perceiving function, so it tends to like hearing about other people's real, personal experiences to make decisions.

On the other hand, having a lower, lesser developed/controlled intuition function like Ne would make her prone to perseverating about all of the hypothetical possibilities that are out of her control and cannot be predicted by her Si (her "tried and true" methods). Because Ne would be the tertiary function and not the inferior, however, she may indulge Ne in small and inconsequential ways like enjoying a sense of humor that appears random and "out-of-pocket". She could also enjoy games of chance, obscure references that appeal to very small audiences (that she is a part of), or she could maintain an eclectic collection of unique trinkets.

ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti

The Ni-Se axis is the ENFJ's preferred perceiving axis. General characteristics include feeling more comfortable defining an abstract, personalized, idealistic / optimized outcome with Ni, and trying to actualize it through action with Fe. Instead of the "tried and true" method of Si, Ni likes to define what would be the most effective hypothetical solution to a problem, and get as close to inventing it as they can. Bonus points if the solution is so effective, they can make it a universal solution to multiple problems.

ENFJs having a lower, lesser developed/controlled sensing function like Se would make her prone to freezing/delayed reactions situation that need a quick fix right now. Se is all about taking in the information that is readily available here and now, and having a preference for Ni would make her struggle to accept solutions that are "good enough for now" when she thinks that there is a better one to be had and she could make it happen if she just had more time. Because it would be her tertiary and not her inferior function, she might indulge Se in low-stakes situations like shopping, sports, photography, anything that engages her natural 5 senses in a fun way.

Additional Thoughts

You might be able to say that Ni is the function that originally invented the "tried and true" solution that Si craves. Even if that were always true (which it isn't), you each function has their own personal pitfalls when it comes to perception. Si might rely too heavily on how things have always been done and might not think outside the box enough, and Ni might focus too much on an ideal, personalized solution that they never accomplish anything because they have no resources to actualize their ideals, or they just reinvent the wheel, when they could have just relied on the information that was already there like Si tends to do.

Sometimes, I find going back to the basics between Sensing and iNtuition to be even more helpful than doing a deep-dive on the differences between Si and Ni, or Se and Ne. This is because having an auxiliary introverted perceiving function followed by an extraverted perceiving function in the same places of your function stack can present some similar advantages and challenges, even if their dichotomies are reversed. This may sound very iNtuitive of me, but sometimes a big-picture, bird's-eye view is most helpful to me. Understanding if your mom is more interested in gathering practical information (Sensing) or pondering abstract ideals (iNtuition) might be more pertinent (and easier lmao) in determining her type, if you've already narrowed it down to ESFJ and ENFJ.

Conclusions

Definitely let me know if I should elaborate on anything, or if this was helpful. And if it was helpful, let me know what type you decide your mom is!

[yourmoonmomma]

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Family Ties ⛪️ - May 2024 - Capricorn

Overall Energy: 9 Swords rev

I’m seeing what one might call the “stereotypical” life of Capricorn, and I don’t mean to be insensitive at all, but y’all often come from drama, issues, tragedy, addiction, sometimes the worst of the worst circumstances - which is why The Devil is Capricorn’s card. Do you feed the toxicity and adopt it as your own, being an earth sign of “legacies and tradition”; do you continue feeding mindsets and habits that don’t allow you to grow; are you going to allow yourself to rigidly control and obsess over how things are done…or are you going to release all of that bs? You wouldn’t be the GOAT 🐐 if you didn’t have to overcome some bs on the way to the top. Saturn is not easy but always gives to those who do the work, and if anyone knows about Capricorn, that’s literally your M.O. in life. Any Cap placements really.

Where is God going to put *the* most solid mfer in the zodiac, in a home with other solid people? That would be nice! But no, with people that make them grow tf up really quick, because Capricorn knows there’s nobody on this whole damn planet that’s going to do it except themselves - and that starts with family. That’s where you’re at with all of them, I don’t see a particular connection (yet) that’s very close. I don’t see deep bonds. I see hard lessons over a lifetime. If anything, you’re finally at the point to where this doesn’t stress you out anymore, you don’t worry and try to manage every little thing for everyone. You realize that you weren’t dealt the most fortunate hand, and life is unfair, but what can you do? Walk away. You feel like you don’t have a choice.

Mother: 5 Cups & The Fool

Oracle: Harmony ☯️ - Sun Libra

6 Habits

Examine habits that may impede the pathways to your goals and encourage beneficial ones.

Mom has the healthiest relationship with you that I can see right off the bat. I’m seeing issues with masculine energy in your family, I don’t know if that’s a gender thing with you, you could just get along better with women, regardless of your own gender.

Mom knows you inside and out, she knows your habits and isms, she knows your pitfalls and strengths, and she’s upset by the decisions you’ve made (again?) I don’t normally see this with Cap, but in this reading you’re coming off as very impulsive. You just up and decide to do shit, and they can be BIG things, but you don’t include her…don’t plan, don’t make it a big enough deal, don’t give people room to comment or even help you. She sees you as behaving to extremes, either not at all or ALL IN, and there is no telling which side you’re going to go with on any given day.

You’ve done something suddenly, impulsively, it’s something you are/were excited about. Could be having a baby, proposing, moving in with someone, moving across the country for someone - it could be extreme or sudden in this person’s eyes. Whatever it is, your mother’s feelings are hurt and she wished you didn’t do this - because whatever it is, it’s not the first time. The Devil shows up with The Tower to clarify a cycle that keeps repeating, maybe not ending well, and she expects it almost but she’s disappointed - because whatever you decide affects her, she cares. For some that’s entirely unconscious to you - and with the initial energy, it could be aspects of yourself that needs to balance these scales, rather than defending why you repeat behaviors . High Priestess at the bottom shows you already intuitively know what the issue is, and what to do about it. Or you could act secretly on purpose, because you know how Mom will respond. The vibe is she’s looking out for your best interest.

Father: King of Swords rev & The Chariot rev

Oracle: Quarrel 🤬 - Mars Cancer

Authority 👨‍⚖️ - Mars Capricorn

Dad is at the root of your issue with family, you two are night and day. Mars shows up in opposition - whether the signs are legit or not - it shows a major lack in understanding on both people’s end. Both of you simply would not approach situations in the same way, your motivations and drive are completely different, and how you express anger, or chase your desires, aren’t compatible. But you both may be rigidly holding your stance that each person’s side is the right one. Both are probably true, considering each person’s viewpoint and character.

So what can you do when a parent is your opp? Silence. That’s what you’ve decided. You may suspect Dad of narcissistic traits, could be, he could also just be an asshole, King of Swords rev is someone that condescendingly knows everything and does not mince words in letting you know how stupid they think you are. You and everyone else. There can also be a major lack of understanding and communication with this person, they couldn’t understand you if they tried - because you’re silent - but would they even bother to try if you did? That’s the question 💯 So rather than beat your head into a brick wall hoping for Dad’s approval or understanding, Originality shows you being confident in going your own way and doing things how you feel is right. And you’re not wrong for that. Both of you could feel confused as to “how it got here.” Like things could’ve been handled better.

One of you approaches conflict emotionally, sentimentally, projection and jumping to feared intuitive hints, reading too much into shit - and the other is very cold, black/white, I’m right you’re wrong, it is what it is - both extremes irritate tf out of the other person. It feels like it’s possible the bridge between you could be mended, for some, but not if you both immediately show up as opposition. And right now, Dad shows up reversed so, he still thinks he’s right about everything. You’d know best.

Siblings: Knight of Cups rev, King of Cups rev, 9 Wands

Oracle: Flattery ☺️ - Venus Gemini

60 Patience

Creativity takes time, and sometimes a project can seem to be taking too long or seen to be failing.

Yikes. I’m only getting one, doesn’t mean there’s just one. This person is a Grade A, top level manipulator, and they always have been. From child to adult, this person has always known how to Flatter, guilt, cry, romanticize big ideas with no substance, and otherwise swing things in their favor; how to emotionally coerce people and charm their way through life and getting whatever they want. You could be one of the only people who truly sees through this person’s bs, but you absolutely do 💯 Especially when you have two parents that seem to be on your case about every decision you make or don’t - and this sibling tends to get away with murder. They could be “the baby”. Or all of this could be switched - and that’s their perception of you.

Assuming it’s them, I see you being highly guarded against this person and their ways - but you don’t cut them off either. You’re actually very patient with them and seem to attempt having a close connection with them despite your heavy internal judgments - and assuming that everything that comes out of this person’s mouth is pure bs. Which Spirit is kinda giving you validation on that, you’re not wrong. You seem to think they’ll change. They have to, right? I do know that without spirituality, extremes, or some really major situation happening - by themselves just living life - *most* people don’t change. Doesn’t mean they can’t but…I wouldn’t hold your breath. In some cases, you keep this person at arm’s length just to have them around. If you can continue just accepting that this is how it is, and that it may never change, do you boo.

Grandparents: 3 Pentacles & The Hierophant rev

Oracle: Fortune 🥠 - Sun Leo

47 Enchantment ✨

We are enchanted when the Muses sing the Art Spirit into us.

To you, the grandparents are those people that will bust you out of jail and not even tell your parents - that’s how it’s coming across. They’re not strict, rule following, “my way or the highway” type of people, no. In some sense they’re showing up as enablers - however that applies to you, and/or your sibling/s. Their motivation for doing it is so you or they don’t end up in a worse position though, they fear the worst when it comes to…maybe some decisions that have been made or binds you have been in. They don’t want things to be unsalvageable. These could be Dad’s parents, or Mom’s just knows him well, and they recognize how he is with you, maybe they feel they understand you in ways your father can’t or refuses to. I don’t get that they *like* being the rebels, but they’re not going to let you rot in jail to “learn your lesson” either - which is more Dad’s energy.

With that though, particularly a grandmother could be a magical…I’m hearing “pixie-like” person. Small/short, young features, clever and mischievous, they’re a hoot to be around. They may believe in oddball things or like…I’m seeing a whole house filled with plants inside, but nothing going on but weeds in the garden. “Keeps out the crazies” 🙃 She could be an oddball for sure, but you don’t mind, because there’s something about her energy that makes you feel energized and hopeful about life being what you could make it. Hell, she’s happy 🤷 Even if you’re nothing like her, you love her weird yet open way of approaching situations, and her probably funny perceptions of things that wouldn’t even occur to you - as Capricorn too can be very black/white and “it is what it is.” Grandma shuns the system & believes in magic - but isn’t a religious person - she is just her quirky loving self and owns it with confidence. You may not like to know that she sees your father in you, in a similarly bull-headed kind of way - and it makes her sad you’re both opposed rather than close. I’m seeing the grandma from Moana saying “I’m his mom, I don’t have to tell him anything.” 😆 I freakin love her energy.

Spiritual Ancestors/Guides: 7 Wands & 4 Pentacles

Oracle: Empathy 🤗 - Moon Pisces

Innovation 🤖 - Jupiter Aquarius

28 Evolve

Creative ideas evolve out of the invisible and profound nothingness of preverbal consciousness.

33 Perfectionism

Be content to know perfection as a distant utopian goal to which we journey but never arrive.

I’m not sure how Spirit is telling you to handle your family, it’s going to be different for everyone. I am simply seeing that taking a rigid & defensive stance, guarding your interests and decisions from the input or guidance of everyone, stubbornly keeping things close to your chest and currently being in a stance of reacting rather than taking action - these aren’t the things that make you happy. It won’t bring happiness to you. Could be learned behavior, especially from the father. In having conflict with him, you may have learned to meet him at his level, which subconsciously shows you may be acting in the same way that you can’t stand about him! Just…about him. About others. And so would continue a generational curse of narrow-minded thinking and a particularly toxic cycle, whatever that entails for you, which is being shown you have the power to both recognize and break. Because you’re here, so you’re at least somewhat interested in this stuff 🙏

Jupiter Aquarius and Moon Pisces both encourage you to step outside of yourself and your own experience, in order to gain clarity & truth, and showing empathy towards those that would come against you or judge you. Don’t be like them, see them honestly (as much as you can), and feel for their situation. That isn’t the same thing as forgiving them and allowing them back in though. You can keep people at arm’s length to protect yourself, if that’s what’s known to be necessary, while also recognizing where we may be projecting our own defensive energy in situations where it’s uncalled for. Or even where others are doing this to US. You can only control yourself own reactions, your own feelings and judgements - and what other people do is not your problem. Send them love & light and let it go, truly, not just clinging onto old resentments and anger that just festers in your brain like a toxic wound with no healing. You may be similar, but you are not *just* like anyone, you can and should be better, having learned more, having evolved in a later generation with people who are doing the same thing every day - and openly honest about it. Finding others could help you - a tribe of generational curse breakers. The more you feel understood by others (empathizing with you) - the less you need be concerned with one person’s opinions, behavior, or judgment.

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Yeah I've had a S4 poster on my wall since middle school and I still have a deep deep fondness for the show, I mean I'm reading fanfics for it still, but if you think that Eurus Holmes was a good and well executed idea I don't know what to tell you :')

Unstoppable force (I really really want to rewatch some Sherlock BBC episodes and my brain won't let me do anything else) vs immovable object (none of them are actually good and I don't want to go through that experience again)

[evchen]

Reflections after Owen Jones' This Land: The Struggle for the Left (2021)

The land where I live is odd. It’s land, and then it’s sea, and then – down in the marshes – it’s kind of both. Across those marshes, there are (disused) oil refineries, and then there is the Thames Gateway, the London Array: all bracketed by “seaside” towns hastily re-painting their facades. In short, the Thames Estuary is defined by its struggle.

And struggle it does: my quaint hometown Leigh-on-sea walks the cobbled path of nostalgia, seemingly in circles. Against the murky expanse of mud and industry, it is jarring. Sometimes I feel like it doesn’t know what to do with itself, and then that visual rhetoric extends to its politics.

In 2023, local Tories undemocratically seized Leigh Community Centre. Grassroots organisation “Looking After Leigh-on-sea” was established in response. Their slogan: “people not politics”. Whilst I dislike the immediate sentiment, if you look a little closer, this statement recognises the party machine’s failure to protect community facilities, prompting the people’s responsibility for their preservation. In response to the Tory councillors’ undemocratic behaviour, this tracks. “Politics” is the enemy of community organisation; if “politics” won’t look after Leigh-on-sea, then the people will. And I doubt Starmer’s spending cuts would look after us, either.

So, the slogan then reveals – almost paradoxically – that people govern communities, and so people are politics. It’s easy to tell people why things will fail or work or why they’re bad in politics, but what of how? Because of, well, people: in response to a monolith of manifestos and policies and podiums, Owen Jones’ This Land: The Struggle for the Left expertly re-implicates the human energy inherent to the party machine, and – crucially – that which can undermine or defy it.

Jones walks the Corbyn campaign trail and talks to an astounding number of people along the way. He celebrates its direction whilst accounting for the pitfalls. People diverge, return, kick up the mud. In accounting for smaller details of Corbyn’s disorganisation – as in, Corbyn sometimes not answering his phone, and so on – the account grows almost intimate, not least because it’s structured around a series of conversations.

Having established their human underpinnings, Jones navigates party crises: I was particularly impressed by the chapter ‘The Antisemitism Crisis,’ and its nuanced handling of bigotry within Labour. Nuance is a given in any political writing; I praise Jones so highly because his approach is bolstered by his immersion with staff, observers, all the whos. This approach structures Jones’ online presence – I seriously recommend his YouTube street interviews – so it’s quite special that his candid approach translates near seamlessly to writing.  

From discussions, things change. Taking a simple (and potentially bastardised) understanding of dialectical materialism, material change results from contradiction and conflict. The word “material” is important here: enacting change from theory requires a precise understanding of one’s surroundings. So, through contextualising all these conversations with Labour characters – flats, cafes, Parliament itself – Jones charts specific changes to the campaign output, then the resulting shifts in public perception. It's a much-needed grounding of parliamentary decision-making in reality, albeit with the gift of hindsight: still, I think this account could help people grow more observant to policies and rhetorical moves being made on the ground, as it were.

Better yet, he implicates this conflict within wider networks of named people, successfully resisting the abstraction created by a barrage of manifestos and policies. You’re constantly being dropped right in the room. Whilst the account can be tricky to follow (I won’t judge you if you can’t remember all the names – me neither), the good thing about books is that they’re permanent, and this one is organised well enough that you can return to specific points on the timeline. It’s a useful resource for tracing how policies “struggle” against the land when they’re poorly communicated: see, Brexit. In any case, it tends to come back to people. This Land questions what it is to be a leader, then explains in detail how Corbyn’s being-a-leader was reflected in reality.

As loathe as I am to admit it, things get messy. Jones tackles Corbyn’s shortcomings in leadership, and the book’s final part is bluntly named “The Fall.” Let me be honest with you: I’m a huge Corbyn fan. I abide by the “critical support” philosophy always, but watching his confidence erode up close was rough. Sentimental though I may be – again, Jones doesn’t shy away from the problems with Corbyn’s labour – I appreciate how Jones’ meticulous detail reveals the fallibility of the party "machine", which is made up of people who, together, can cock up on behalf of the whole country.

 A “fall” is no disappearance, though. Whilst it’s tough to read people relishing in Corbyn’s promises, then to reflect upon Keir Starmer abandoning them, the flip side of This Land is hope. This Land is the people inextricable from it. Jones ends with testimonies from people inspired by Corbyn, themselves engaged in the struggle towards socialism. Like many others, I can’t vote for Labour because of its continued careening towards the Right: nevertheless, Jones’ optimistic epilogue cements that if there are people, there will always be alternatives.

Don’t get me wrong: I’ll always plug the “core” revolutionary texts: whilst heavy on the theory, they can be charismatic, even enjoyable. Reading the plans of revolutionary forefathers can be enlightening, but, as July 4th approaches, we should engage with commentary that localises politics, grounding it in the material. This Land does precisely that, providing theoretical context wherever needed. It’s a fantastic entry point if you’re beginning to keep up with politics as the election approaches, and it’s generally a solid account.

In ways, I’m very grateful for my local grassroots group: after all, struggle beats stasis, and these are people realising that there exists an alternative to being choked by the Only Two Parties You Could Possibly Vote For, end sarcasm please. Right now, that understanding is vital. Community should not be a contingency, not ever.

Leigh-on-sea is an odd place to live. I adore it, it’s mine! But it so is. If the Estuary is this hodgepodge of industry and wetlands and seafront arcades, all existing in contradiction, then there cannot be a singular vision for addressing the inequalities within its ecosystem. I interpret “struggle” is a positive movement towards change that sometimes involves a bit of wrestling.

To Marxist-Leninists (don’t worry, we’re not getting into that here), “struggle” and contradiction is always inherent to a view of socialist change. Reading This Land lead me to ask these questions about my Estuary, and about the world in general: if we are inextricable from the land, then how are we at odds with it? How are we at odds with our own communities, our neighbouring communities, and which are the conditions that facilitate this othering? There is a common Capitalist denominator here, and challenging it means you start challenging the whole equation, everything. But, as Jones puts it:

“With so much injustice coexisting with limitless human potential, building a new world isn’t a utopian dream, a self-indulgent fantasy. It is the only hope for humanity”.

A fantastic book!

Buy here.

[aafrillia]

CHAPTER 2: MOOD PITFALLS TO WATCH OUT FOR (Pt. 2)

A summary of the book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr. Julie Smith

In my previous summary, we discussed how our feelings affect our behavior which lead to a more vicious cycle. Now we’re going to talk about thought biases that we generally experience since our thoughts and feelings go both ways.

Thought biases are more likely to appear when we’re feeling unwell emotionally. To simplify, thought bias is our mind’s way of thinking in a simple and quick manner to process and interpret information based on our prior experiences and views. This way of thinking would likely distort our understanding in thinking that can result in making bad decisions and mistakes. Thus, we have to understand and notice these thought biases so we could limit their power over our mind.

Here are several thought biases we have to learn:

Mind Reading

“Someone just laughed my way. I must look funny.”

“I must be so boring that they left me on read.”

We tend to spend much of our time making guesses about what others think and feel. Those thoughts likely happen when we’re struggling with our emotions. To ease those uncomfortable feelings, we tend to need constant reassurance; however, when the reassurance is lacking, we assume those thoughts are true.

Overgeneralization

Have you ever felt that everything seems to be wrong one thing after another? That is what overgeneralization bias feels like. You see one bad thing as a sign that the other thing will also go wrong.

For example, you might think your relationship would never work after one bad breakup. Or, you fail a job interview and assume you would mess up the next one too. You just feel hopeless and don’t see any point of trying again. Not only in this kind of situation, something trivial like a spilled milk in one morning could also affect your feelings for the rest of your day. It’s normal to have those thoughts, but it’s not helpful to dwell on them. Doing so only adds to your pain and worsens your low mood. 

Egocentric Thinking

Different strokes for different folks. We humans have different ways of doing and seeing things. That’s what the saying above means. Having different opinions and perspectives is normal. However, we find it kind of hard to accept that when we’re not feeling at our best.

We tend to set our own rules for others and then feel hurt in the process when they don’t meet our expectations. For example, you are someone who is always on time; and one time you have a meet-up with your friends, but they come late for some reason. It’s inevitable, but doesn’t it sour your mood? It feels like your friends aren’t taking the meeting seriously, which can be frustrating.

This definitely worsens our mood further and makes us less considerate towards others, even more so disrupting our relationships. At the end of the day, we cannot control the uncontrollable and inevitable.

Emotional Reasoning

Thoughts are not facts, and the same goes for feelings. That’s what Dr. Smith wrote in her book. We have the tendency to use what we feel as evidence for something to be true, even when there might be plenty of evidence suggesting otherwise.

Have you ever felt lacking in confidence despite knowing that you’ve worked so hard to achieve something? That’s your emotion talking; what you feel is more powerful and intense than other facts lay in front of you, which becomes fuel for your low mood.

The Mental Filter

You know what? When we believe something, we tend to struggle to let go of that belief. That’s how our brain works; easy and quick thinking. So you’re more likely to accept any information that supports your belief, while ignoring anything that challenges it. In other words, we believe what we want to believe.

Musts and Shoulds

In the era where trends are becoming a lifestyle, it’s inevitable that we desire to follow them. However, it becomes overwhelming when the trends are perceived as something compulsive or a must, like a standard of living. We feel the need to do it, even though it may not be in our best interest. Sometimes these trends can be unrealistic, which affect our emotions badly at the end of the day when we can’t live up to them. This doesn't just apply to trends; our societal expectations also contribute to our relentless pursuit of perfection.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

Good or bad, right or wrong, winner or loser, success or failure, beautiful or ugly. Only two sides that our minds lead us to believe, simply because it’s easier. This absolute or extreme thinking is also called black-and-white thinking. This type of bias never leaves room for the grey areas that are often closer to reality.

When we have the tendency to think in black-and-white, it may be difficult to think about the complexities of situations we or others are in; which are the grey areas we should consider as other variables in the outcome. However, if we’re stuck with this kind of extreme thinking, we’ll feel vulnerable to more intense emotional reactions.

Now you may realize that you might’ve had these thought biases at some point in your life. So what did you do with them? Did you just go along with those unhealthy thoughts, or did you try to stop them? Either way, it’s better if you can acknowledge them for what they are; biases.

Well, I bet it’s not easy, as we experience everything at the same time. We can’t just pick a thought to observe it clearly. Thus, Dr. Smith provides some ways to help us to spot thought biases.

As we experience high emotion states, it’s unlikely that we can spot thought biases. Therefore, it’s better to just step back for a while until our emotions are stable. When it passes, we can build our awareness by looking back at our thoughts.

We can start keeping a journal which focuses on specific moments, both in positive and negative ways. This includes several aspects such as your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and physical sensations. Once you’ve done writing those, you can track your thoughts and see if they might have been biased at the time.

We can also directly write down using language that helps us get some distance from those thoughts and feelings so we can see them as experience rather than absolute truth, such as I am having thoughts that… or I am noticing these sensations. 

If we have someone we can trust and confide in, we can share our thoughts with them and ask them for help to spot the thought biases we have. Of course, this option requires a very good relationship; that person must be accepting, respectful, and supportive of our efforts to change and grow.

The last is to start practicing mindfulness. This practice helps us to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judgement.

The gist is don’t buy into our thoughts easily. It’s better if we stop for a while and see what they are and consider alternatives by doing some practice that we find helpful for ourselves.

[driftwithme]

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes by Fall Out Boy is a bit of a Chaleigh song for me:

So boycott love

Detox just to retox

Chuck is the type to self-sabotage his love life in a multitude of ways. Sometimes, he convinces himself that he is not intersted in love at all or that even if he was, no one would be adequate unless the person was a j-pilot or something, because else they'd never understand Chuck. Sometimes, he tells himself he doesn't have enough time anyway, he's too busy dying for the world and the jaeger program. Sometimes, the worst of all, he thinks about Raleigh and has to convince himself of all the previous reasons plus Raleigh is a coward plus he hates the blond and he deserves so much better than a has-been. Otherwise, his love would climb his throat without permission and left him bare for Raleigh to disdain at.

So he goes on a cycle of purging his rage to work on his relationships or even ignore everyone in an attempt to he cordial, just for his repressed feelings to explode and send him back on a vicious spiral of more desperation and need-want-now-now.

As for Raleigh-- he acted similarly enough, isolating himself, pushing everyone away to relive his past mistakes over and over, in eternal punishment. Maybe Chuck did a number on himself, but Raleigh was not much better in that regard.

And I'd promise you anything

for another shot at life

Then comes Operation Pitfall and Chuck's left to regret-- regret everything, including the fact that he never allowed himself to be openly in love, even if it made him feel miserable. He's not ready to die, but when has the world care about it?

Raleigh is now thinking about the future for the first time in the past five years.

No one said they had good timing, but oh if they want to live. If there was a way, if by some miracle they could...

Imperfect boys

With their perfect ploys

And they are! Imperfect boys! Who plan and scheme beyond themselves!

Emotional constipated boys with a lifetime of war service and traumas and daddy and mommy issues. Amazing rangers who can pilot the best jaegers avaible but don't find the words to talk to each other properly. The beloveds golden boys of the public for their determination and their courage and their big hearts.

They are too smart to their own good and too clever for the kaijus to stand a chance and proud to realize they can't approach the thing blooming between them like it's just another battle, another war. They want to play the strategies in the wrong place by the wrong reasons lol.

Nobody wants to hear you sing

about tragedy

!! Nobody wants to hear their sad stories !! No one wants to hear how Raleigh lost his brother while they were still on the drift !! How Chuck sold his youth for a chance to stop the apocalypse !! People think is the consequence of their actions !! They do not care about the reality of the rangers and their backstories !! When everyone is fighting to survive, no one wants to hear another sob inducing tale !! They want to hear about the survivors and their bravery and their wins !!!!

Well, I'm being unfair. Maybe the public do want to hear about Chuck losing his mom and Raleigh's dad abandoning him and all the less heroic details that made them the rangers they are today. Thing is, I don't see Chuck and Raleigh being intersted in that martyr treatment, so this is more of what they tell to themselves, that no one wants to hear their tragedies. They just go on.

BONUS FOR THE PRE-CHORUS

I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine

You could take the "complete machine" here as the jaeger itself or the PPDC or the jaeger program. Either way, Raleigh and Chuck are both outliners. A bit too unpredictable or angry to trust in their decisions, they could make or break the whole thing.

They both feel like they're not enough and they both know they're some of the best and they feel out, lonely, abandoned.

What a match

I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet

It doesn't matter who is who.

Raleigh's half doomed from his first solo-piloting and Chuck's half doomed 'cause he's part of the jaeger that will close the breach by detonating the stupid bomb.

Chuck's good intentions and good heart are hidden behind all his anger and mean words, fitting him in the semi-sweetness description. Meanwhile, Raleigh is sweet by nature but the suffering and the years has made him a bit bitter and nostalgic.

They're like the worst most chaotic match.

[mbti-notes]

hi, i've been having some issues with Fi vs Fe, especially when I think of Aang in ATLA. I know he is typed as ENFP including by you. and i can understand the Ne dom view but the Fi is so confusing. I thought Fi was internal moral/values and doing what someone thinks is right according to themselves but in the show Aang kept saying stuff like 'the monks taught me revenge isnt good' etc. it always seems like his morals come from others in this way and not from himself? how does it work?

This confusion is common for newbies. It sounds like you're reciting a simplistic and stereotypical description of Fi that doesn't tell you anything about the many possible ways Fi develops in real people or how it actually operates in response to real world situations. There are several problems to address:

1) Applying imprecise and/or incorrect definitions: Fi is basically using your subjective feelings to make value judgments. That's all. It doesn't determine exactly what your moral beliefs will be or whether your moral belief system is valid. To understand how people come to adopt and justify their moral beliefs, you have to introduce the concept of moral development. Moral development and personality development are separate, though they have a complicated relationship.

In short, you're conflating cognitive functions and moral development because you haven't really understood what cognitive functions are and how to define them properly.

2) Not distinguishing well between cognition and behavior: How old is Aang? Physically and mentally, he's a preteen (10-12). Preteens do not have a well-developed auxiliary function, nor would they be very far along in their ego and moral development. He hasn't had the time and life experience required to develop a sophisticated awareness and nuanced understanding of his feeling life. Thus, with his "primitive" Fi, he only knows when things don't feel right, at best.

On top of immature Fi, a preteen isn't capable of refined moral reasoning, either. He doesn't yet possess the necessary intellectual tools for articulating his moral judgments and decisions. Thus, when pressed, what else can he do but call up some words from his mentors and teachers, as all children do at that stage of moral development? He's picking and choosing their moral arguments as necessary to help explain and justify his own strong but fledgling moral instincts.

Additionally, remember that people fall into inferior grip when they have too much difficulty coping with stress, and he was pretty much under constant pressure to carry out his mission efficiently. He's not repeating what authority figures taught him because he likes to and he takes personal pride in possessing authoritative knowledge (high Si). Rather, he's only doing it during times of moral confusion when he sees no other method of grounding himself (compensatory Si).

Grasping for scraps of old knowledge and/or remnants of one's old self when feeling lost is a sign of inferior Si and it happens when Ne doms are under stress. They easily get tangled up in trying to reconcile the disconnects between past, present, and future. Don't forget that his case is quite extreme because there is a gap of over a hundred years in his knowledge of the world.

In short, you're only looking at what he does (behavior), but you haven't understood WHY he's doing it (cognition). This is a common pitfall in type assessment. You need to understand The Why, otherwise, you run the risk of taking behavior at face value and then getting misled by crude stereotypes.

3) Not accounting for the whole functional stack: The reason he was frozen (in time) for so long was mainly because he was running from his responsibilities. If I recall correctly, this was a recurring theme and related to the developmental challenge he had to meet in order to grow and mature as a character.

Resisting duties and responsibilities aligns perfectly with the ENFP tendency to take dominant Ne to extremes and resist the call to develop auxiliary Fi in adolescence, eventually leading to Te loop and Si grip issues. Other functional stacks wouldn't fit as well. For example, if he was ESFJ, he would be taking Fe to extremes and have difficulty developing Si, eventually leading to Ne loop and Ti grip issues. Is there any evidence to support this reading? Not that I remember.

All of the functions of the stack have to fit properly. Are you using the evidence to discover the right stack, or are you trying to twist and force the evidence to fit the stack you want? Many people prefer to start with a hypothesis and then look for confirming evidence. The problem with this approach is that it tends to overlook better possibilities as well as important counter-evidence. My method of type assessment is more neutral in giving fair consideration to all 16 types at the start, then gradually narrowing it down through examining counter-evidence (see the Type Spotting Guide).

In short, you're trying to isolate and identify a particular function without taking into consideration its exact stack position, how it relates to the other functions in the stack, and how its expression is influenced by individual developmental factors.

[relationshipreboot]

Online Dating Guide for Women: 10 Tips for Finding Love Today In today’s fast-paced world, finding love can feel like an overwhelming challenge. You swipe right, meet a few people, and soon it starts to feel like a chore rather than an exciting journey. For many women, online dating can lead to frustration, disappointment, and confusion. Where's the thrill of romance when you’re inundated with messages that don’t resonate or people who ghost you after a promising start? The problem isn’t you; it’s often about navigating the digital dating landscape with the right strategies. By understanding some key principles and applying them thoughtfully, you can turn your experience into one that is more enjoyable and successful. Below are ten actionable tips that can help you find love online in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling. Understanding the Core Issue Online dating can be difficult for a variety of reasons. It’s crucial to recognize common pitfalls that many women encounter: Ghosting: A sudden end to communication can leave you wondering what went wrong. Misrepresentations: It's common for profiles to include misleading photos or descriptions. Decision Fatigue: The sheer volume of options can lead to feeling overwhelmed. Lack of Emotional Connection: Many conversations stay superficial, blocking deeper connections. Statistics show that about 30% of users experience ghosting, and 60% say they've encountered someone using outdated or misleading photos on their profiles. With numbers like these, it's clear: understanding these issues is the first step in navigating them effectively. Practical Tips and Strategies 1. Craft a Genuine Profile Your dating profile should reflect who you are at your core, not just what you think people want to see. Use a recent photograph and write a bio that highlights your interests, values, and what you’re looking for in a partner. Example: Instead of saying, “I love adventures,” try “I recently went hiking in the mountains and can't wait to explore more nature trails.” 2. Be Selective With Your Matches It's tempting to swipe right on everyone to increase your chances, but quality often trumps quantity. Focus on profiles that genuinely interest you, and take the time to read their bios carefully. Tip: Keep a checklist of what you seek in a partner—values, hobbies, and lifestyle. 3. Start Conversations Thoughtfully Asking open-ended questions can lead to deeper discussions and help both of you gauge compatibility. Try to reference something specific from their profile to show genuine interest. Example: “I noticed you love cooking Italian. Have you tried making your own pasta?” 4. Set Up Virtual Dates Before committing to a face-to-face meeting, consider video calls. This can provide insight into someone’s personality, making it easier to assess compatibility. 5. Trust Your Gut Instincts If something feels off, don’t hesitate to move on. Trusting your instincts is vital in online dating. Your comfort and safety should always come first. 6. Know Your Dealbreakers Having clarity on what you can and cannot tolerate in a relationship can help you save time and emotional investment. Common dealbreakers include: Substance abuse Major lifestyle differences Ideological incompatibilities 7. Keep Communication Open and Honest If things are progressing, don’t shy away from discussing your feelings, boundaries, and relationship goals. Encouraging honest dialogue can simplify misunderstandings later. 8. Manage Expectations While it’s natural to hope for love, keep your expectations realistic. Not every match will lead to a promising relationship, and that’s okay. Each interaction is an opportunity to learn and grow. Tip: Keep a journal of your experiences to reflect deeply. It can help you identify patterns in who you connect with. 9. Stay Safe Before meeting someone in person, always opt for public locations and inform a friend about your plans. Personal safety is paramount, and precautions should never be overlooked.

10. Be Patient and Persistent Finding love, especially online, can take time. View it as a journey rather than a race. Building connections takes effort and emotional energy, but the right relationship is worth the wait. Real-Life Examples Case Study 1: Emma’s Journey Emma, a 32-year-old graphic designer, kept running into the same issues while online dating. After numerous disappointing dates, she decided to reassess her approach. By focusing on profiles that truly resonated with her, she soon met Jake, who shared her passion for art and literature. Their initial conversations flowed naturally, and within weeks, they were planning a gallery visit together. The key takeaway for Emma? Authenticity in her profile and intentionality with her match choices were critical in cultivating a meaningful connection. Case Study 2: Sarah’s Experience with Ghosting At 28, Sarah had been ghosted multiple times and was feeling defeated. After reflecting on her communication style, she realized she often delayed replies, which may have seemed disengaged. Instead, she started responding within 24 hours and asking more engaging questions. As a result, she fostered stronger connections with her matches. Eventually, she met Kevin, and their relationship has blossomed with consistent communication. Sarah learned that the way she engaged was crucial for nurturing ongoing conversations. Overcoming Challenges Dating can present many challenges, such as managing disappointment or overcoming insecurities brought on by online interactions. Here’s how to tackle some common obstacles: Problem: Feeling overwhelmed by options can lead to indecision. Solution: Set specific criteria for swiping. For example, consider what shared values are a must-have. This focus streamlines decision-making and can lead to more meaningful conversations. Problem: Anxiety about meeting new people can hinder your progress. Solution: Gradually ease into social interactions. Start with low-pressure virtual meetings and transition to casual in-person dates when you feel more comfortable. Conclusion Navigating the online dating landscape can be daunting, but with the right approach and mindset, it can also be a rewarding adventure. By applying these ten practical tips, you open up possibilities for finding genuine connection and lasting love. Always remember: finding the right person takes time and persistence. Embrace the journey, learn from your experiences, and keep an open heart. Take action today, and allow yourself to explore the path to love that the digital world offers. Empower yourself to take control of your dating life. Your next great love story could be just a swipe away.