#you gotta ask yourself: what am I willing to put up with today? not fucking this

[jupebox]

Cross stitch I designed for a friend based on the iconic game grumps quote!

[ynbabe]

Titans x Male reader

Dick: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Kory: Okay, but what is updog?

Rachel : Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Gar: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Jason: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

M/N: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Dick: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Gar: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Rachel : No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Kory: What’s a henway??

Dick: Oh, about five pounds.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Dick: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Kory: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Rachel : Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Kory, learn to listen.

Gar: What if it bites itself and I die?

Jason: That’s voodoo.

M/N: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Kory: That’s correlation, not causation.

Gar: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Jason: That’s kinky.

Dick: Oh my God.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Dick: I CAN'T DO IT!

Kory, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Dick: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Rachel, saw them walking in: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Dick:

Dick: I appreciate it,

Dick: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Gar, was the man in the chair: Dick-

Dick: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Gar: Dick we gotta-

Dick: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Dick: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Dick, motioning to M/N and Jason covered in blood, standing in his room’s doorway like the shinning twins: NOT FUCKING THIS

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

*Jason is cooking*

M/N: Any chance that’s for me?

Jason: It’s for Gar. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.

Kory, preparing the med bay: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

M/N: I just ended a two year relationship.

Jason: Oh, fuck. You good?

M/N: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Gar and Rachel fighting from across the room*

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Jason: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Gar: They do.

M/N: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Jason: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.

Gar: You were flirting with M/N.

Jason: So what? He’s my boyfriend .

Gar: You asked him if he was single.

Jason:

Gar: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Jason: What if mayonnaise came in cans?

M/N: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal.

Gar: DICK!!! M/N AND JASON ARE BEING WEIRD AGAIN

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Gar, trying a new recipie: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste

Jason, being a bastard: We got spring water

Gar: NO.

M/N, bastard^2 : with EXTRA minerals

Jason: it's like licking a stalagmite

Gar: DON'T COME HOME.

M/N: Mmmmm cave water

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Gar: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-

M/N: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~

Gar: Wh- What? NO, YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-

Jason, recording: This is so cute.

GUYS!! I just rewatched Titans after a yearrrr and I swear to god idk why Gar is so underrated. He has such a great character arc and he is absolutely HILARIOUS. also I just realised he became like all the male role models he had in his life, like when he used to live with the Doom Patrol, Larry and Cliff were the primary caretakers, they would make the food and give emotional support and then Dick, he was basically a dad to him and Rachel

[thearvariblues]

Pit Babe Anniversary Week 1 - Drive!

Also on AO3

---

The door of Pete’s car slams shut the second Way plants his plump ass onto the front passenger seat. That doesn’t indicate that he’s in the best of moods, of course, but it doesn’t stop Pete from smiling brightly.

“So how did it–”

“Drive,” Way orders.

“Uhm,” Pete blinks. “But shouldn’t we wait for Babe to get in?”

“I’m in!” Babe announces as he, shuts the back door. “Thanks again for helping me, P’Way, you truly are my best friend!”

“So… It went well?” Pete asks.

“Drive,” Way repeats. “Now. We need to get out of here as fast as possible.”

“Hang on,” Pete frowns. “We’re not stealing the ring, are we?”

“No, we just have to be far away from here before Babe–”

“Actually,” Babe murmurs. “Don’t you think that slightly more expensive one might have been better?”

“Drive!” Way whines. “He’s changing his mind again!”

“Hang on,” Babe says. “Just a minute, I’m gonna–”

Way turns around and grabs his friend’s hand.

“Sit!” he snaps, putting his powers into the word. “Pete. Let’s get out of here. Please, my love?”

Pete starts the car just as Babe opens his mouth, seeming extremely offended.

“Did you just–”

“I warned you, didn’t I?” Way growls. “I told you, if you change your mind one ore time, I will either get you out of there using my powers, or straight up murder you, depending on my mood. Well, you should consider yourself lucky, as we’ve just gotten the back seats cleaned and I’m not willing to pay the absolutely outrageous price to get it done again.”

“Technically, I paid for it,” Pete peeps.

“Why…” Babe frowns. “Why did you need to get the back seats cleaned?”

“Oh, remember the fancy party last week?” Way grins. “When I wore those stilettos and the nice suit that showed off my tits and when we were leaving Sonic said he wonders if we’re gonna make it home before Pete inevitably bends me in half and fucks me into oblivion?”

“Y-yeah?”

“We didn’t make it home.”

Babe’s eyes go wide and the expression on his face suggests that he wishes he was able to levitate.

“P’Way!” he groans. “How could you–”

“Are you suggesting you have never let me sit somewhere where you and Charlie fucked? Not even in your home? On your couch? Chair? The kitchen counters?”

“I always tell you not to sit on the kitchen counters!”

“Fair point,” Way nods. “Anyway. Babe. My dear. The ring is perfect, the more expensive one was ugly as hell, and Charlie’s gonna love this one, so stop overthinking it, or I’ll really murder you. Okay?”

“Way,” Pete sighs. “Think about the seats.”

“Isn’t there another fancy fundraiser or something next week?” Way asks. “We’re gonna have them cleaned afterwards, anyway.”

“True. In that case… Go off, baby, enjoy your murder.”

“No!” Babe shouts. “No, I’m not overthinking anything! We’ve picked the perfect one and Charlie is gonna adore it and I am not thinking about any other ring we saw today!”

“There were at least fifty of them,” Way mutters to Pete.

“Yeah, I wondered what’s taking you so long,” Pete chuckles. “An hour and a half to pick an engagement ring sounds… a little excessive, you know.”

“Only when it’s Babe. You know, my love, when you decide to propose to me, I expect you to spend at least two hours to pick the perfect ring.”

“My love,” Babe snorts from the back seat, “when he’s proposing to you, he just needs to take the most expensive one and you’ll be good.”

“Slander,” Way mutters, pulling his phone out of his jacket. “Now tell me. When and how are you planning to do this?”

“Why?” Babe frowns.

“Oh, come on. I’m your friend. I gotta know when I should… keep my fingers crossed for you. You know?”

“Right,” Babe nods. “Okay. So I was thinking…”

---

Way frowns at the gadget on the grass in front of him, surrounded by the whole X-Hunter team (minus Charlie and Babe, obviously).

“Is that a fucking drone, Sonic?”

“Of course it’s a fucking drone, P’Way,” Sonic replies, rolling his eyes. “How else would we get the absolutely best shots?”

“It’s totally necessary,” North agrees. “I mean, what were we supposed to do, sneak through the grass by the track with our phones? I don’t think that would have worked.”

“Oh, I’ve made a terrible mistake,” Way groans.

“Told you not to get the intel for them, didn’t I?” Alan scoffs. “Didn’t I, Way?”

“Yes, P’Alan, you did,” Way sighs. “In my defense, I couldn’t have known they were gonna drag in a drone. How did you even get one?!”

“Come on. They’re not hard to come by. Or that expensive. Jeff has one, too, don’t you, kid?”

“Uhm,” Jeff confirms, his cheeks immediately going red.

“It even looks kinda similar to this one. Isn’t that funny, kid?”

“Yeah,” Jeff gulps. “Funny.”

“Hang on. Jeff?”

“Yes, Uncle?”

Alan narrows his eyes at the boy, then at the drone on the ground.

“Is that your drone?!”

“I mean. Maybe? Kinda? Yes?”

Alan sighs, shakes his head and turns back to Way.

“This is what happens when you get dragged into the children’s bullshit, you know,” he says.

“Hey,” Kim groans. “I hope you’re not counting me as a kid. I did nothing. I didn’t even want to be here, but Sonic said I could either go with him willingly, or he’ll have P’Way mind control me to make me go anyway.”

“He’ll have me do what?” Way frowns.

“Let’s face it,” Kim shrugs. “That wouldn’t be that much worse than you telling the whole goddamn team that Babe’s gonna propose after the practice today, therefore ruining one of the most important moments in his life.”

“In my defense, I had no idea they’re planning on filming said moment,” Way argues. “I just thought they wanted to see it and then… go get drunk?”

“You had no idea?” Alan blinks. “It’s Sonic we’re talking about!”

Both men turn to the little social media star in question, who smiles brightly and lifts his hand to wave his fingers at them.

“Yeah. Sonic. That’s me,” he states. “Bringing us publicity, all for free I’d like to add. Now, where is that P’Babe? We don’t have the whole day!”

“The whole day for what?” asks Babe’s voice right next to the group.

“P’Babe!” North exclaims as the whole team promptly turns towards their star driver. “And Charlie! We didn’t hear you coming!”

“Yeah, it looked like you were busy arguing,” Charlie grins, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear. “Oh, is that Jeff’s drone? Are we gonna be shooting a new promo for the team?”

“Something like that,” Sonic nods. “It’ll definitely brig us many, many views and… What the hell is that?!”

“What? This? Oh. Well.” Charlie’s grin gets even wider as he lowers his hand to show off the diamond ring on his finger. “We’re engaged!”

“Yeah,” Babe chuckles. “It didn’t go exactly the way I planned, it was kind of an accident, you see, I left the ring in my jacket pocket–”

“Of course you did,” Way groans.

“Yeah, and Charlie wanted to borrow the jacket and he found it, so I kinda had no choice but… Well. To propose. It was nice, though, wasn’t it, Charlie?”

“It was,” the boy nods. “Very romantic.”

“Yeah. I mean. It was probably for the best, too,” Babe shrugs. “At least we didn’t have to wait to properly celebrate it, if you know what I mean.”

“We all know exactly what you mean, Babe, yeah,” Alan mutters.

“Do we?” Sonic frowns. “Oh. Oh, he meant fucking, didn’t he.”

“What else?” Babe chuckles. “I wouldn’t dare to start partying without the rest of the team.”

“Partying?” North says. “Did you say partying?”

“Well, yeah,” Charlie laughs. “We thought that after the practice, we could–”

“Party!” Sonic yells, clearly having forgotten all about the viral proposal video he didn’t get the chance to shoot.

“Sonic. Focus,” Kim sighs. “The party’s gonna be after the practice. After!”

“But I don’t wanna practice!” Sonic whines. “Jeff! Jeff, can you talk Uncle into letting us skip the boring part and just go drinking? We need to celebrate!”

“Uncle,” Jeff mutters, “can you please let them skip the practice today, since if you make them practice, they’ll crash at least one car and we can’t really afford to keep replacing them?”

“Yes. Yes, of course,” Alan nods. “We can practice tomorrow. You kids are right, this calls for a celebration. Congratulations, Babe, by the way. And Charlie, of course.”

“Thanks, uncle,” Babe beams. “What about the promotional video, though?”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Alan smirks. “Sonic can shoot it tomorrow, too, can’t you, Sonic?”

“I…” Sonic starts, then changes his mind when Way gently kicks him in the ankle. “Yeah, sure. No problem. The lighting is kinda shit today, anyway. I’m sure tomorrow will be much better.”

“In that case,” North beams. “Let’s go party!”

“But–” Kim starts, only to immediately be dragged away by and excited North, while a similarly excited Sonic kidnaps Jeff and Charlie.

“Hey!” Babe yells after them. “That’s my future husband you’ve taken!”

“You snooze, you loose!” Sonic yells back. “I wanna hear all about that proposal! Meet you at the bar!”

Alan sighs, shaking his head. “Kids these days.”

“My future husband,” Babe repeats, pouting slightly.

“Don’t worry,” Way chuckles. “I’m sure they’re not gonna hurt him. Much.”

“P’Way!”

“Sorry. I take it he liked the ring, then?”

“He loved it. Thanks for helping me pick it, P’Way. I owe you one, and I will pay you back when it’s time for your ring.”

“Babe, my dear. When it’s time for my ring, I won’t be the one picking it.”

“Right. Yes,” Babe replies, nodding so quickly that it makes Alan frown at him suspiciously. Way, however, doesn’t notice.

“Anyway,” he says, smiling at his friend. “Congratulations, Babe. You did it. You’re gonna be getting married.”

“I… Yeah,” Babe grins. “Yes, I will.”

“Okay, then,” Alan laughs. “Let’s go save your future husband from Sonic and North.”

[honing-skills-for-the-end]

Hope: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

This is a long one btw, not like text long but visually long.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Vega: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Spica: ... Your what?

Vega: My friends.

Alpheratz: Is he saying “friends”?

Pollux: I think he's being sarcastic.

Sirius: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Vega! All of your friends are in this room.

Vega: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Hope: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

Schedar: ...

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Hope: I CAN'T DO IT!

Pollux , laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Hope: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Arcky: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Hope:

Hope: I appreciate it,

Hope: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Alpheratz: Hope-

Hope: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Alpheratz: Hope we gotta-

Hope: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Hope: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Hope, motioning to Sirius: NOT FUCKING THIS

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Hope: I trust Sirius.

Spica: You think he knows what he's doing?

Hope: I wouldn't go that far.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Arcky: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Hope: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Hope: What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Sirius: Wow, you could start with a 'good morning'.

Hope: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?!

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Hope: Impossible burger? Please.

Hope: Through Christ, all things are possible.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Pollux: Everyone has a toxic trait. Except Hope, they’re perfect.

Hope: Wrong! My toxic trait is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Spica: I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in this house with a bunch of morons.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Pollux: Hope! I thought you were dead!

Hope: No, just in deep cover.

Pollux: ...But it was an open casket.

Hope: It was very deep.

[aut189]

Your prompt:

Shawn: WHY. why did you give Lassiter a KNIFE?!

Juliet: I'm sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Shawn: Now I feel unsafe!

Juliet: I'm sorry.

Juliet : ... would you like a knife?

Your prompt:

Shawn: If Gus and I were drowning, who would you save?

Lassiter: You two can't swim?

Shawn: It's a hypothetical question, Lassiter! who would you save?

Lassiter: my time and effort.

Your prompt:

Shawn: They stole from me first!

Juliet : Mhm.

Shawn: Stole my heart...

Lassiter: It is still illegal to commit murder.

Your prompt:

Shawn: How's the sexiest person here~?

Juliet: I don't know, how are they~?

Shawn, flustered: I-

Lassiter, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Your prompt:

Shawn: Lassiter, my old arch enemy.

Declan : ... I thought I was your arch enemy?

Shawn: I have a life outside of you, Declan.

Your prompt:

Shawn: I CAN'T DO IT!

Gus, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Shawn: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Jules: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Shawn:

Shawn: I appreciate it, Shawn: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Lassiter : Shawn-

Shawn: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Despereaux: Shawn we gotta-Shawn: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Shawn: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Shawn, motioning to Karen: NOT FUCKING THIS

Your prompt:

Shawn: I'm kind of crushing on someone, but I'm worried about telling you who it is, because you're not going to like it Juliet: Just rip the bandage off.

Shawn: It's Lassiter.

Juliet: Put the bandage back on.

Your prompt:

Gus: Why are your tongues purple?

Lassiter: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Shawn: I had a red one.

Gus: oh

Gus: OH

Juliet :

Juliet: You drank each other's slushies?

Your prompt:

Shawn: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!

Gus: To the city?

Shawn: Yeah, no matter what!

Buzz: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?

Shawn: I... I don't know!

Juliet: Oh come off it, be serious!

Shawn: I am serious!

Juliet: You're insane!

Lassiter: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!

Everyone:

Shawn: What???

Lassiter: Or maybe it was a basset hound!

Juliet, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

Your prompt:

Shawn: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Juliet : Rude.

Lassiter: That's fair.

Gus: Not again.

Buzz: Are you going to want this back?

Your prompt:

Shawn: We need to get through this locked door. Juliet, give me your credit card.

Juliet : Here.

Shawn, pocketing it: Thanks.

Lassiter, kick down the door.

Your prompt:

Shawn: Lassiter, can I talk to you for a second?

Lassiter: Yeah, what's up? Lemme guess. You and Pierre are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Shawn: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I've read books.

Your prompt:

Shawn: Hey Pierre, Pierre: Yes?

Shawn: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?

Pierre:

Pierre: Where's Lassiter?

Your prompt:

Shawn: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10?

Strive for greatness.

Pierre: Next time you're working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex's house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Lassiter: There were so many mixed messages in that I can't-

Your prompt:

Shawn: Pierre, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Pierre: I don't know, love you, talk to you later

Shawn: Ok, I love you too, I just ask Lassiter.

Your prompt:

*The squad is having dinner together*

Shawn: Pierre, can you pass the salt?

Pierre: *Throws Lassiter across the table*

Your prompt:

Shawn: You have to apologize to Pierre

Lassiter: Fine.

Lassiter: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

Your prompt:

Lassiter: *Gets down on one knee* Pierre: Oh my god, it's finally happening.

Lassiter: *Falls over*

Pierre: The poison is kicking in.

Your prompt:

Shawn: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Shawn: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Your prompt:

Lassiter, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

Your prompt:

Lassiter: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.

*Lightning strikes Lassiter*

Lassiter: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

Your prompt:

Lassiter: Some of you may die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Your prompt:

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like

Lassiter*

Lassiter: Okay, are you like BLIND?

You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

DEVILDOM SHENANIGANS (FT. AUTHOR PT 6)

Me: Kicks the door down looking panicked

Lucifer: What did you do?

Me: Nobody died.

Lucifer: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Me: I CAN’T DO IT!

Lucifer, laughing hysterically: I CAN’T EITHER!

Me: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Mammon, scared: WELL I’LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN’T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN’T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Me:

Me: I appreciate it,

Me: BUT LOOK WHAT WE’RE DEALING WITH-

Levi: Ice-

Me: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Asmo: Ice we gotta-

Me: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Me: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY ‘What am I willing to put up with today?’

Me, motioning to the HOL burning in the distance: NOT FUCKING THIS

Ice: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Levi: Self-esteem, haven’t seen you in years!

Mammon: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Belphie: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Asmo: My moral code, is that you?

Ice:

Ice: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Diavolo: What’s something you guys are better than Lucifer at? Mammon: Mario Kart.

Levi: Yeah, video games.

Me: Emotional vulnerability.

Me: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Lucifer: … Your what?

Me: My friends…?

Mammon: Is she saying “friends”?

Levi: I think she’s being sarcastic.

Asmo: No, no, no, this is delirium, she’s cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Ice! All of your friends are in this room.

Me: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks-

Me: Simeon, I’m sad.

Simeon: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Asmo: Solomon, I’m sad.

Solomon, nodding: mood.

*I'm cooking*

Asmo: Any chance that’s for me?

Ice: It’s for Solomon. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.

Simeon: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

Mammon: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Ice does? I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff?

Satan: If Ice were to jump off a cliff, she would’ve done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Ice jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Mammon: You jump off a cliff!

Satan: Gladly. Provided Ice did first.

[theangrypomeranian]

Jimmy Jr.: You gotta draw a line in the sand, dude! Zeke: J-Ju- Jimmy Jr.: You gotta draw a fucking line! Zeke: J-Ju- Jimmy. Jr.: You gotta make a statement! You have to look inside yourself and ask "what am I willing to put up with today?" Jimmy Jr.: *gestures to his brothers stuck together* NOT FUCKING THIS!!

[helena-and-helena-meta]

More incorrect twst quotes! :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Jackie is my Yuusona, they're 5'4)

Malleus, visiting Ramshackle: "Hello, I just came to-"

Malleus: *Sees Jackie shoving Ace into a washing machine while Deuce records and Grim watches*

Malleus, retreating: "Something just came up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grim: "What's it like being tall?"

Ortho: "Is it nice?"

Epel: "Can you reach the cupboards comfortably?"

Jack, looking at Jackie and Riddle: "We live in constant fear of the short people who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grim: "I'm bored."

Jackie: "Wanna go commit first degree murder?"

Grim: "Sure!"

Trein, over hearing: "No- Stop don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Rollo down!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jackie: *Gasp*

Riddle :"wHAT?!"

Jackie: "What if soy milk is just normal milk introducing itself in Spanish?!"

Riddle: *Inhale*

Carter, in another room with Trey: "Why can I hear screeching?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Riddle: "WHAT THE FUCK

Jackie: "WHY DO WE GOTTA BE SHORT?! FUCK!"

Jade: "Genetics are one hell of a thing."

Floyd, looking at Riddle and Jackie: "Awww, Goldfishy and Shrimpy are so small!"

Jackie: "I WILL GRAB A KNIFE AND TAKE AWAY YOUR DICK PRIVILEGES!"

The boys: "BLOODY HELL!"

(Fun fact, this came from a convo with my friends!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jackie: "I CAN'T DO IT!"

Grim: "I CAN'T EITHER!"

Jackie: "I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE!"

Idia: "WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER FIGURE IT OUT, OR GIVE UP NOW! BECAUSE. WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US!"

Jackie: "I appreciate it, but-"

Jackie: "LOOK AT WHAT WE'RE DEALING HERE WITH!"

Ortho: "Jackie-"

Jackie: "YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!"

Grim: "Jackie, we gotta-"

Jackie: "YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND, YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT!"

Jackie: "YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND ASK, 'What am I willing to put up with today?'"

Jackie, motioning to OB!Malleus: "NOT FUCKING THIS!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[dragonslaved]

Hello All, Space here to tell you why YOU !! Should read classic manga Magic Knight Rayearth. 

“What’s that?” you ask? You’ve never heard of Magic Knight Rayearth? Well, I am here to tell you ALL about it.

WHAT IS MAGIC KNIGHT RAYEARTH?

Magic Knight Rayearth is a 6 volume manga about magical girls, giant robots, and isekai. Yes, you read that right. All three amazingly loved tropes together and it’s done seamlessly and beautifully. You’ll laugh, you’ll say ‘wtf’, you’ll sob big Ghibli tears. 

Also like. If you have any intention to actually read this manga after this post, don’t google anything? Seriously don’t. It’s only 6 volumes but googling will spoil literally every twist and turn this series has and BOY DOES IT HAVE SOME. I’m not gonna spoil you for them. Don’t spoil yourself.

To put into perspective how much I love this series and how badly I've wanted people to read it for years: I was pinching pennies for p much my entire life until very recently. I read this series when I was 14 (~20+ years ago oh god) and fast forward to today I'm still a penny pincher but I went out of my way to collect 5 different full copies of this series in various printings and languages because I just. I gotta. I love it. I have a copy that is a dedicated loner copy so I always have one ready for someone to borrow and read. PLEASE understand how much I love this series and go along with me here.

All right, so the story goes like this: three middle school girls on a field trip to Tokyo Tower get summoned to an alternate world called Cephiro. Oh by the way, they go to different schools. Also they’ve never met before. 

You’ve got rich, beautiful hothead, Umi Ryuzaki. Her magic element is water, fierce and unforgiving. Her two loving parents are still in their honeymoon phase 14 years later. They’re rich, she loves food, she is kinda selfish, but has such a great character arc because of it. She’s amazing and I would die for her. 

After her, you’ve got polite but very very shrewd and thoughtful, Fuu Houoji. Her element is wind, kind, occasionally harsh, and healing. Fuu is the one with plans, who is very sweet and formal but also very conniving if you aren’t paying close attention. She cares deeply about those around her  while also being realistic. Sometimes she can be a little aloof, but it’s ok she’s cute.

And finally last girl, BEST GIRL, Hikaru Shidou. Energetic, sympathetic, understanding, and eternally the best. Her element is fire, she IS the magic knight of Rayearth, the titular character, the beautiful perfect darling angel who has never done anything wrong in her life. She goes to an all girls’ school. She has three older brothers. Almost every girl in her school has a crush on her. She is oblivious as fuck. She grew up in a kendo dojo and beat her father in a match when she was in kindergarten and that’s why he’s not around. She has the biggest heart in the universe. I love her. I would beat gen urobuchi in a denny’s parking lot at 3am for her honor. 

These three girls meet a magician, Guru Clef. This lil dude. 

The rare “small boy who is actually a bajillion years old” trope before it was such an annoying trope to use on women characters, but he’s 700+ years old and the most powerful sorcerer in Cephiro. He gives the girls magic and armor, and tells them they were summoned by Princess Emeraude to save Cephiro. 

How do they do that?

By talking to the chief Pharle (artisan, blacksmith, etc) of Cephiro named Presea to make them weapons. And oh yeah they have to use those weapons to revive the rune gods.

Y’know.

Big Giant Mechs. 

Waking these bad boys up takes a lot for the girls and it’s really really good seeing how they go about it and what they're willing to do to accomplish it.

I’m not gonna spoil the story for you but I WILL go through some of the other characters.

You’ve got:

Princess Emeraude. The Pillar of Cephiro, imprisoned and kept from praying for Cephiro’s well being. She’s sweet, she’s heartbroken, she wants her world to be safe again. 

Next to her you have the High Priest Zagato, her second, the antagonist who got the ball rolling on this whole thing. He’s gloomy, he’s serious, he’s methodical and looming. 

I mentioned Presea, did I mention her already? She’s great. She’s feisty and loud and would be THE most amazing dom queen if she could ever find a sub willing to tolerate her. 

She makes the weapons for the girls and also gives them a guide to find the rune gods.

Oh yeah their guide. 

So like. Probably obvious by now but in case it’s not, this is an early 1990s CLAMP series. You know CLAMP. They did xxxholic and Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles and Card Captor Sakura. Yeah, this series came before ALLLLLL of those. 

You know that lil fuckin rabbit mascot they have?

That’s Mokona. He’s their guide. This is the series he originated from. 

Mokona is an adorable caring little shit who knows exactly what he’s doing at all times.  He helps them out but my god. The way he makes their blood pressure skyrocket on the journey there. 

Then we’ve got Ferio. A traveling swordsman who enters tournaments. Unfortunately Fuu’s straight alignment. But he’s fine, he’s cute. He’s got like… a whole Thing about him that I won’t explain but know that he’s okay. He’s all right.

The latter three volumes expands their allies to some other people that I cannot spoil but please know: they’re gay. They are all gay. There’s no heterosexual explanation for any of them. You think "oh that's a straight couple". Wrong. They're all gay, even if they're straight. One of them is like. Holy shit I cannot express how obviously gay they are. This isn’t like. “Oh you’re reading too into it with your fandom eyes”, I mean this is like. Wow. You two had the worst ghosting breakup and should get back together because it was over something stupid. 

There are a fair number of villains and only one of them is like. Pure Actual Evil and I won’t tell you which one it is but the rest are all VERY satisfying in their character stories and arcs and I love them all dearly. Got some hot magic ladies, got some nervous quiet men, and some awkward cute boys. The whole variety is there! 

Aside from the great characters, the artwork is GORGEOUS. 

I know in this day and age of 2023 digital art and speedy turnarounds of weekly manga releases, all the art is crisp and kinda minimal except for big scenes, and people like that. 

But also consider: gorgeous detailed intricate illustrations. 

And I still won’t spoil you for the story, but it will still surprise you I swear to you. 

“Okay but isn’t there an anime? Can I just watch that instead?” Look at me. I am holding your hands gently, and I am looking you in the eye as I pull you close and tell you: no. 

You notice all the artwork I've shared is specifically manga art. The anime is. ……………………………………………… not great. It has its pros like padding out filler episodes so they can flesh out the girls’ friendship and some of the side characters. But in having to pad out a 6 volume manga to two 26 episode seasons, some Decisions Were Made that were not in the best interest of the series or its themes. And when I say that, I do mean the very core of some of who these characters are. Motivations and internal goals changed for no reason, added characters for padded run time, an entire character killed for no reason only for their (anime only) twin to dress up and pretend to be that character because the directors realized “oh shit that character is in the second half uhhhhh quick”. It’s not great and it’s just not a lot of fun. 

All I’m saying is please please give this manga a read. It’s very quick, you can finish it in like. 3 days tops. It’s beautiful, it’s heartbreaking, it’s tragic and hopeful. 

I’m gonna leave this with a link to read it online and some other characters I didn’t mention because I just think they’re neat. 

[bloodstainedconch]

LOTF The Limit

Ralph: I CAN'T DO IT! I can't fucking do it anymore!!

Jack: Well I'll tell you what, you can either let us do the job you assigned us to do, or you can try surviving on your own. Because we certainly can't without you, and we know you can't without us.

Ralph:

Ralph: I appreciate it,

Ralph: BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??!?!

Simon: Ralph-

Ralph: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE.

Piggy: Ralph, we gotta-

Ralph: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Ralph: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND ASK, 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Ralph, motioning to the empty fire pit: NOT FUCKING THIS.

[forestryfae]

like i LITERALLY JUST want to be able to get rid of the house. i just wanna get rid of it and not have to keep paying for i ad i wanna move somewhere i will actually like living and im not stuck at home unless someone "graciously" drives me, and get a job so i actually have money and can afford to save up money for thing i genuinely want and havent just taught myself to want because its cheap and its decent so i should like it, and to actually have a nice clean tidy house, and a car so i can buy some FUCKING boxes and plasic bags so i can get rid of all the shit i dont want and maybe even just straight up sell or give away the nicer stuff i dont want. like thats it. but i just straight up dont have that option cus i gotta make food for myself so i dont starve and i need to relax too so i dont literally burn myself out and i need to sleep and i have to shower and pee sometimes too like i JUST want to be able to clean the house non-stop for like a week straight. i just wanna put shit in garage bags and throw them out. noones gonna want fucking 1 year old hairdye or unused makeup or three identical mugs or a fuckton of reuseable straws and i dont think i have the patience to sell a bunch of clothes even tho theyre perfectly fine and barely used. unless people come pick up the shit themselves, in which id be more than willing to just give shit away if they did that so i dont have to deal with the fucking transport or shipping.

i just have SO MUCH SHIT and its mostly garbage or shit i dont want or use anymore. or its fucking gifted shit i dont want anymore because frankly, why is my only option to get any furniture always to either buy thrifted shit or be given secondhand shit from my family. its one thing if i want it but they dont even ask or show it to me first and they dont help me when i want something new and actually useful. they just show up and theyve brought me something and we thought maybe youd need it so well just leave it here and you can get rid of it if you dont want it. I PHYSICALLY CANT GET RID OF IT. I DONT HAVE A CAR. and im not throwing perfectly useable but ugly lamps in the regular trash. take it to a fucking thrift store you morons. get rid of some of your shit instead of giving it to me. if you cant manage to get rid of it without giving it to someone so youll know its safe or whatever the fuck then just. dont get rid of it. keep it yourself. dont give shit to me so i can borrow it indefinitely. like i JUST. want MY OWN PLACE. THAT I CAN FEEL OKAY IN. and not feel like its a pissing contest every fucking time someone comes over cus they GOTTA fill my house with shit, they just HAVE TO do shit without even discussing it with me, i literally cant say no i dont want visitors today without them showing up and throwng a bitchfit when theyre not welcome the one day i said i didnt want to see anyone, they dont take a no i dont want help with that as an answer and do it anyways, i cant even buy my own shit cus they take over and do everythig for me.

no fucking independence or control or boundaries or respect or basic fucking decency and absolutely no empathy or compassion at all.

i have to BEG them to come visit me and they still wont do it, but when i go grocery shopping and need a ride i dont get home until after 9pm and more often than not close to 1 am, and the ONE time i explicitly said i didnt want visitors was the one day mom showed up and threw a bitchfit cus i was upset. i told mom i spent literally hours every day crying and feeling anxious and awful and she just ignored it and forgot to call the doctor the one time she offered to do it for me. i dont even get to be a part of renovating the house cus mom and stepdad took over and wont talk to me and spent all the money and wont even talk to me about the money or tell me whats in the bank accounts unless someone else asks on my behalf. noone is willing to teach me to drive even tho mom nagged me when i was 17. i can literally not talk to anyone about my feelings or shit im worried about, i literally only hear about how its my fault somehow, or i get some useless advice that doesnt help cus it doesnt fucking apply, or i get an empty promise that theyll help and then nothing happens and im selfish for asking and nagging them cus they have their own lives and their lives cant revolve around me. which is so fucking ironic cus i dont even get a phonecall once a month to see how im doing or talk about things and i certainly dont get visitors unless its got to do with the house or that one time mom had a day off and apparently that means she can come visit with no heads up just so she can sit there and bitch about my dad or my brother. she doesnt ask how it was like living with them or how i feel about the situation or anything, its all them and their fucking feelings. its never about me and im made to feel stupid and embarrassed and childish and like a fucking moron any time i have emotions they dont want me to have.

and on top of all this i didnt even get talked to as a kid. i was practically useless and just something they leave unattended until they felt like yelling or screaming at me or wanted me to do chores or some other boring fucking activity that i didnt want to do. asking me how my day was or having a conversation or talking to me about something i liked or just regular conversations about stuff? nah fuck that do your homework and also dinner today is a fucking sandwich cus i wanna be in the garage doing my hobby and fixing cars.

and then i come home after having had a really good time at the inpatient unit im at, and its a mess and theres shit in places its not supposed to be and im up to my fucking neck in laundry and dishes and shes done something i didnt want her to do again, and i cant even complain cus i risk not having her help with the shit i actually need help with that i have no option in asking for, like grocery store rides or someone to feed my cats while im away or help renovating the house. i cant even ask for help to buy some fucking boxes or i risk never getting them.

like i JUST want a fucking car and license and i wanna get rid of this house and i want some godd damn boxes. literally the only things i need in life to be happy rn.

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 4 - Game Time - 17 February 2023, 12:48am

Today passed without much fuss. Great, I suppose, given how I woke up from yet another dream in which I was a girl, or, at least, doing gender-affirming things like using the right washroom. TMI. Yes.

Some might say that dreams are stupid, that they don't make sense. Others say that dreams are telling of things going on in your life.

I don't know what to think. Even scarier, I don't know how to think about it.

All I know is hate, and...

I hate the fact that I'm so hopelessly attracted to girls. That, or, being hopelessly attracted to the prospect of becoming one. A part of me wishes I could be... normal, whatever that means.

I just don't get it. Someone I know underwent knee surgery, and still came out being... more positive than I am.

I've gone through nothing compared to them. Just some first-world issues called gender identity. I'm just a stupid guy who wants to be a girl.

...

It's no secret that I hate myself. I hate being everybody's rock. I was there when my brother couldn't handle himself in an abusive relationship (he was abused, emotionally). I was there when my father spat into my grandfather's face. I was there when mom threw dad's iphone into the floor, seven or so years ago, when he became depressed after an ankle injury, and couldn't work for awhile. I was there when people told me to fuck off with my “sperm guitar”. I was there when mom was stressed out with work.

...

Nobody was there. Nobody was there for me when I hit myself. I only stopped when I could not take the pain.

Nobody was there for me when I admitted I couldn't feel anything. I shut up about it. Eventually apathy becomes a blessing.

Nobody was there for me when I helped my brother out with his relationship. I went to sleep worrying about him, especially after every episode of his ex emotionally abusing him. I feared for his life; like me, he's sensitive. And she hurt him. Irreparably. I see it in his eyes, how scared he is to be vulnerable. So, I bring out his vulnerability, with Gyoza (my stuffie duck). But I digress.

Will anybody be there, for me?

Do I even want anybody there, for me?

Those words sound so foreign, that, I have to make sure I'm willing myself to say them.

Honestly, if you're reading this, go fuck yourself. I don't want you around. I just want to be alone so I can be put out of my fucking misery. Killing me would be a mercy, compared to having me be around, as everybody's rock.

I can't do this anymore.

I don't want to, anymore.

...

them: “Prioritize life! Come to us, and don't die.”

me: “Why? You've got your second-chance woman here.” (I played a support/healer character, if it explains anything.)

them: “Because we'd be in a 2v3! I don't care what binary you are in.”

That's... kinda true - whatever I identify as doesn't change the outcome of a virtual fight.

Still... it got me questioning.

And, inevitably, it all leads me down to the same question:

Why am I like this?

...

That was the same question my ex-partner asked me. In her exact words,

her: “things happened that led you to be this way”

her: “we gotta look back in time to see how that problem showed up”

me: “what if I told you...”

me: “it just happened, when I was 7?”

her: “cant be it just happened 🙃”

so...

...what happened?

I wish I knew.

Do you, for one moment, think that I'd want to keep ogling girls?

That I'd want to feel lovesick for a life that isn't mine, because of how I was born?

That I'd want to keep envying people of the opposite gender, so much so, that I'd get envy over a fucking animate flower in a fucking video game?

gosh.

...why?

What is wrong with me?

... Is the very concept of me, wrong?

[realwizardshit]

it’s actually good and cool to peace out of a shitty situation. just leave

[confused-stars]

bounty hunter!Mic spends time around Dabi, immediately goes “oh those eyes are familiar” and then proceeds to just “nope this is none of my business i’m staying the fuck out of that”

[howdyfarmhandsmynameisgadda]

i fucking quit

[panevanbuckley]

text on gifs really aren't what I was willing to put up with today