#you gotta admit its pretty sexy?

[jackiegaytona]

Hi peeps

It's midnight. I can't sleep. Brain is coming up with terrible sexy ideas for fics. I may or may not regret posting this:

Alpha Nandor & Alpha Laszlo fighting over Omega Guillermo. Would anyone read this sexy pure trash? Would anyone do me a kindness and talk me into writing this?

[absurdthirst]

Halloween Cowboy {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: Idiots in love, crushing, putting your foot in your mouth, embarrassment, flirtation, Younger Joel, drinking, vaginal sex, unprotected sex

Comments: Tommy and his girlfriend, your best friend, manage to get you and your sexy neighbor Joel at the same Halloween party.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Cmon man. You gotta come. Lindsey wants to meet you and I can’t keep makin’ up excuses for my big brother not wanting to meet my girl.” Tommy whines while he stands over Joel who is trying to read the plans for the bathroom redo.

���Tommy. I’m tryin’ - Jesus. Is it really that damn important?” He asks his brother after taking his glasses off of his nose.

“Yeah. Sarah is going to sleep over at her friend Tori’s house, right? You’ll be sitting on your own with the curtains closed to ward off trick or treaters while watching Dawn of the Dead for the hundredth time…you ain’t busy.” Tommy calls Joel out who signs and sets his glasses down on the table.

“Fine. Fine. If it’s that damn important I’ll go but, shit. I don’t have a costume.” He confesses and Tommy smirks, “that’s easy. You’re already wearing it.” He eyes the construction belt and hard hat and Joel scoffs but takes a second, “I got a cowboy hat. And boots.” He decides and Tommy snorts, “rodeo Joel is making an appearance. Haven’t seen that since high school when you were trying to impress Katie.” Joel huffs, trying to not snap at his brother at mentioning his ex wife whose parents owned a ranch.

“Sorry.” Tommy murmurs and Joel shrugs, “I’ll be there.” He promises, picking up his glasses again and Tommy grins, not mentioning the best part until he’s about to walk away. “Oh and your pretty neighbor will be there. Lindsey invited her.”

****

“Why do I have to go again?” You whine to Lindsey even as you are mixing together the cream cheese with the salsa to make roll ups. It’s one of your best appetizers to throw together quickly and are always a hit. She snorts and rolls her eyes at you. “You need to get out and socialize. You need to have some fun since you broke up with dickhead.” She had never hidden the fact that she thought your ex wasn’t good enough for you. Only now would you admit that she’s right, but you still huff at her. “What am I supposed to do? Pick up someone from your party and take them home?”

“Or you could use my guest room?” She waggles her eyebrows, “and I do believe the man you’ll be riding in there will be called Joel.” She smirks and you nearly choke, “no. No. I don’t - he doesn’t -” Lindsey giggles, “Tommy said the man watches your every damn move from his porch. Watches your ass when you walk past. Trust me, honey. The man wants you. He’s just got issues from his ex leaving.” She explains, knowing Tommy has briefly told her about what happened with Katie. “You don’t need to be his therapist to get some.” She says and nudges you.

****

Joel huffs as he looks at himself in the mirror. The checkered shirt is buttoned up unlike its usual openness when he has a t-shirt underneath. The large belt buckle his dad got him as a present was dug out from the back of his underwear drawer, and the boots are comfortable, worn in thankfully from regular use. The hat is on the side and he grabs it, putting it on his head to see how it looks. He looks like teenage Joel and that scares him. How eager he was to impress a girl. Too eager in fact that she left the first moment she could, leaving him with a two month old when he was twenty years old. “Shit.” He sighs, rubbing his jaw, knowing he will see you. He knows he’s jaded, he’s a single dad with issues and he knows you’d never want him. He’s too complicated. With a huff, he grabs the lasso he got from Tommy as a joke a few years ago and leaves his house to go to the party.

“I think real cuffs would have been better.” You huff to yourself, hating how the ties on these Wonder Woman wrist cuffs keep coming loose. The party hasn’t even started yet and you want to just go home. Not that Lindsey would let you. “Tie this for me.” You demand, holding your wrist out. “If I’m going to be Wonder Woman, I need to be a put together, sexy version of her.”

Joel isn't early. He doesn't like to be early to parties since he can't disappear into a crowd and leave early. He sighs after he parks his truck down the street, his boots clicking as he walks up the driveway until he is opening the door. The party is already underway and he squeezes past people drinking and making out and talking to try and find Tommy.

“Coming through, coming through!” You yank the platter of appetizers higher, needing to get over to the table and refill them although people won’t seem to get out of your way. The party is bigger than what Lindsey had told you it would be and she’s already glued to Tommy’s side, leaving you to kind of run things. Someone comes up to your right, just out of your vision as  you veer off to avoid a couple who are groping each other. “Shit!” You hiss, bumping into someone and having to spin around to keep the tray from hitting the ground and ruining the snacks. 

“Woah. Shit.” Joel hisses and barely catches the tray as you spin around and grab the other side. His eyes widen when he sees you, dressed like Wonder Woman with eyes wide and beautiful. “Hey.” He murmurs, keeping his grip on the tray and you offer him a gorgeous smile, “hey neighbor.” Someone knocks into him and he steadies the tray. “Let me help. Tell me where you want this and I’ll make sure no one knocks this over.” He promises, keeping his grip tight.

“Hey.” You smile breathlessly, a little shocked and release the tray to him because of that. “Um, yeah, uh, right over there.” You point to the table in the corner and try to figure out if you need to hide in embarrassment or get the man a drink for helping you out. He looks fucking delicious and Lindsey’s comments about riding him are fucking perfect considering Joel Miller is out here dressed up like a fucking cowboy. Your panties are going to be ruined tonight, thinking about him. 

Joel wrestles with the crowd to set the tray down and he turns to see you’ve followed him. “Who the hell did Tommy and Lindsey invite? The whole damn town?” He almost has to shout to compete with the chatter and the music. “Seems like it. I only made enough food for a small gathering.” You confess and Joel turns to look at the tray, “you did all that?” He asks and you nod, biting your lip. “Goddamn. You’re like Martha Stewart. But hot.” He adds until he flusters and reaches up to adjust his hat. “Uh, I mean, you look good. As Wonder Woman. I had this massive crush on Linda Carter when I was a kid and uh, yeah. You look good.” He repeats, silently cursing himself for being so lame as Sarah would say.

You want to laugh at the way Joel looks ready to punch himself in the face for being stupid, but you like seeing him like this. “Thanks.” You reach out and touch his arm. “You look really hot too. You’re going to be beating them off with a stick dressed like this, Miller.” You predict, knowing you would be the first in line if you had half a chance at him. “We’ll be dreaming of cowboy lullabies tonight.” 

Joel blushes, grateful for the cowboy hat to hide it, and he gets a sudden boost of confidence. “Yeah? You think I’d have a chance with someone at the party? Even though I got more baggage than Bush Airport?” He jokes and you scoff, “everyone has baggage.” He nods, staring at you for a moment and he opens his mouth to ask if you want to find somewhere quieter to talk but a hand slaps his shoulder and he turns to see his brother. “You made it! And dressed up!” Tommy exclaims, clearly a little drunk and his arm wrapped around a beautiful woman. “This is Lindsey. Baby, this is the mysterious big brother I’ve been telling you about.” Lindsey grins and holds her hand out, “it’s great to finally meet you, Joel. Tommy can’t shut up about you.” She teases before she says your name, “and she’s always talking about her sexy neighbor. You’re the talk of the town.” Lindsey teases and Joel’s eyes widen slightly as he looks towards you.

“Lindsey.” You groan your friend’s name, face heating up and you want the earth to open and swallow you whole. “I think you might need to drink some water.” You huff, snatching her cup out of her hand and quickly drinking it down yourself. Hoping that Joel doesn’t think that you are some kind of creepy stalker or some shit. 

Lindsey’s words make his stomach twist and Tommy smirks at him, knowing about his crush on his neighbor, and he squeezes Lindsey’s hand until she lets go and turns to look at Tommy. “Come on baby. Let’s get you another drink. Enjoy the party. See you in a bit. Mingle.” Tommy urges his older brother who has the habit of hiding in the corner. “Sure.” Joel nods and watches Tommy take Lindsey to the kitchen. “I need a drink.” Joel mutters to himself before he looks at you, “you know where the booze is?”

“Yeah,” Despite being embarrassed, you won’t let him go without a drink. “It’s out here.” You point to the patio door. “We’ve got a small pony keg if you want beer and then there’s tequila.” You huff out a laugh. “That’s what I plan on drinking.” You joke as you open the door. “Listen- uh, about what she said? I just- I don’t want you to think that I’m watching you all the time or something.” 

Joel looks at you as he follows you to the drinks table. He was shocked to hear you watch him and you being flustered makes his heart thump. “I’m watching you.” He confesses, “not in a creepy way but - but yeah. I like watching you.” He rubs the back of his neck, suddenly burning up in the flannel shirt.

You freeze for a second as you reach for a cup, relieved and slightly surprised to find out that Tommy and Lindsey were right. Now that you both have admitted embarrassing things, you laugh and shake your head. “I think we are way too sober right now.” You tease and waggle a cup at him. “What’ll you have before we discuss further?”

“Anything with alcohol.” He teases and picks up his own cup, filling it with cheap whiskey and topping it off with some Coke. “Happy Halloween.” He grins and hits your cup with his. “Happy Halloween, neighbor.” You smirk and he takes a sip of his drink, sighing at the sting of the whiskey.

You ask where Sarah is and listen while Joel explains about the sleepover, but you are really admiring the way he fills out that flannel shirt. It’s cut perfectly and makes his broad frame look even broader. You know the man is strong because you’ve seen the tools and materials he has to carry. “So why a cowboy and not a sexy construction worker?” You ask, grinning as the burn of the alcohol starts to fade and the heat runs through your veins.

“That seemed too obvious. Isn’t halloween about pretending to be something you’re not? Tonight, I’m not a single father construction worker. Tonight, I’m a cowboy looking for a hero.” He smirks as he flexes his fingers around the red solo cup.

It takes you a second to realize he’s referring to your wonder woman costume and you grin. “Not all heroes wear capes, Miller.” You remind him playfully and toss back the rest of your drink so you can pour both of you another. “I think you also underestimate how sexy single father construction workers are.” You huff. “But I like the idea of taking a cowboy for a ride.” 

Joel can’t believe how smooth he is being when usually he’s fumbling over his words with you. Maybe the costume has helped him regain some confidence after years of focusing on Sarah and not his love life. “Save a horse, ride a construction worker.” He winks and you giggle, making his heart clench. His eyes drag down your body when you turn and bend over to grab another bottle of tequila from under the drinks table and his cock twitches in his jeans.

You open the new bottle and pour you both a large drink. You don’t want to hang out by the booze all night, although it’s been pretty quiet right now. Soon enough there will be people charging out here to refill their own cups. “So are you ready to let your hair down?” You ask. 

Joel snorts, “I don’t think I’ve ever done that. Well, not since Sarah was born.” He confesses, glancing around at the sofa and he jerks his chin, “you wanna sit down?” He asks, his back starting to ache from the long work day and he’s anxious to get closer to you.

“Sure.” You point to the back yard. “Want to sit out there, or go upstairs?” You ask. “We can’t sit down in the living room with all those bodies in there.” It’s a subtle way to get him upstairs if you think that this could actually go somewhere, which it is looking like it might. 

“Let’s go upstairs. I’m too fucking old for this music.” He confesses with a chuckle and you nod, taking his hand to escort him upstairs. You’ve been to Tommy’s house a few times with Lindsey to get ready for nights out. Joel hopes his hand isn’t sweaty in yours and he lets you guide him away from the crowd to the quiet guest room. The bass from the music thumps below his feet as he sits down on the edge of the bed.

“You know you are a good dad, right?” You ask, wondering if he knows just how sexy him being a very involved dad is to you. “You care about Sarah, you listen to her.” You smirk. “Even if you don’t always know what you are doing.” 

He snorts, looking down at the drink in his hand, “I definitely don’t always know what I’m doing. I could handle Barbie dolls and hair bobbles but periods? Boys? It’s a little out of my league.” He admits, turning to look at you as you sit down beside him. You’re so beautiful, so understanding. You deserve way better than someone like him yet here you are. “Thanks for saying that though. She likes you. Loves your style and watching those stupid MTV shows with you.”

“She’s a good kid. Because of you.” You smile softly. “And you didn’t even use her to get laid.” You tease. “Do you know that women love a good dad? Our panties drop quick for a man who loves his children.”

Joel raises his eyebrows, “really?” He asks and you nod, giggling in a way that makes his cock twitch, already half hard in his jeans. You smile and he can’t help but lean in closer to you. “You gonna drop your panties for me, sweetheart?” He asks, his voice dropping lower for you.

“Fuck, that sounded so hot.” You whimper, biting your lip as your eyes slide down to his. You want to kiss him, but you aren’t brave enough yet. “I can’t.” You admit. “I’m not wearing any tonight.” You take his cup and yours and set it down on the nightstand as you talk. 

“Shit.” Joel hisses, his eyes widening slightly and he can’t stop himself even if he tried. He surges forward to press his lips to yours. His hat pushed back on his head as he cups your cheek and he pulls back after a second when you don’t respond and he frowns, wondering if he misread this.

You are frozen. Shocked that Joel, your sexy neighbor, is kissing you. When he pulls back, you see him frown, reaching out and cupping his face so you can lean in to kiss him yourself.

He quickly recovers and melts into the kiss, his hand cupping your neck to pull you closer and he gains confidence, sliding his tongue along your lower lip, pushing into your mouth when you grant him access.

Your breath catches and you groan into his mouth. Still in disbelief that Joel is kissing you. Hes a good kisser. His tongue slides along your, tangles with it and encourages you to kiss him back. Your stomach twists in knots and you lean into the kiss more, malting into him.

He loves the way you kiss him back just as eagerly and he slides his hand along your thigh, groaning at the feel of your skin under his palm. You’re so soft and he loves it. He’s imagined it more times than he’d care to admit.

You hadn’t worn any tights with your outfit. Not wanting to feel trapped or have another layer to take off another layer when you’ve been drinking. His hands on your skin feels amazing and you shift, moving to straddle him and you giggle into his mouth.

He groans when you straddle him, his hands immediately finding your ass to squeeze the flesh. So many times he’s imagined your ass when you’ve been outside in your shorts or leggings and now he gets to touch you. “Fuck.” He pants into your mouth, his cock hardening underneath you.

“We will get to that.” You promise, pulling away to press your lips to his jaw. Always wanting to kiss his neck for forever. It’s so kissable. “Imagined it so many times.”

Joel groans, tilting his head, and he slides his hand up to squeeze your breast. “Me too. So many damn times. Imagined you under me, over me. Being inside you. Jerked off enough damn times.” He reveals as you grind down onto him.

You moan softly, imagining him with his cock in his hand, panting your name. “I want to see that sometime.” You admit breathlessly. “Watch you jerk off.”

"Fuck. One day." He promises, grabbing your ass to lift you so he can spin and lay you down on the bed. "Look goddamn sexy in your costume." He groans, caressing your calf. "Tell me what you want, baby." He demands, reaching for the zipper of your boot.

“Want to ride you.” You decide. “Keep your cowboy hat and boots on.” You smirk and wink. “Want to see if you live up to the expectations I’ve built up seeing you wear that costume.”

He smirks, “I hope I can. It’s been a while.” He confesses as he reaches up to start unbuttoning his shirt, exposing his chest to your hungry gaze.

You reach up and caress his chest. “That doesn’t matter.” You promise. “I just want to feel you inside me.” He peels your boots off and reaches for your bottom. “I’m going to strip you down.” He promises and you nod. “Do it.”

He peels the costume from your body, his cock aching in his jeans at each inch that’s exposed to his hungry gaze, and he has to reach down to undo the buckle, opening his pants to allow himself some relief from the hard press of the zipper. “Shit. You’re gorgeous.” He murmurs, caressing your stomach until he’s reaching for the hem of the top, dragging it from your body to expose your tits. “Goddamn beautiful.” He murmurs when he tosses the top aside and dives down to take your nipple into his mouth as he kneels on the bed.

Your cry is loud but you know that no one in the party can hear you. The music is still thumping and you can hear the chattering. Not that you care, all you care about is him. His mouth feels so good on your nipple it hurts, making you whine when he flicks his tongue over it after biting down. “Joel.” You pant, tangling your fingers into his hair.

He loves hearing your moan and he bites down on the bud, lapping at it with his tongue, before he switches to the other one. His thumb and forefinger pinching your hardened nipple that’s slick with his spit.

You’ve never had someone spend so much time on your tits. Not without being inside you. You enjoy the attention, every pull of his mouth and pinch of your nipple makes your cunt throb around nothing and you are positively dripping.

His free hand slides up your inner thigh, caressing the skin there and he slides his touch higher so he can slide his fingers through your folds. “Fuck. You’re so wet.” He murmurs against your breast.

“So turned on.” You confess. You moan his name again when he continues to slowly stroke through your folds, fingers brushing against your clit. “Fuck baby.”

He groans, “me too. So fucking hard right now.” He confesses as he presses his fingers against your clit, wanting to hear you moan for him again.

You groan, reaching down and cupping him through his jeans. “Fuck.” You gasp, knowing that he will stretch you out when you feel how thick he is. “So hard.”

“Shit.” He hisses when you squeeze him and he slides his hand lower so he can push two thick digits into your weeping cunt, wanting to hear you gasp again. “Take me out.” He pleads, kissing your jaw, “need to feel your hand around him.”

You fumble with his zipper blindly, eager to feel the heft in your hand, to feel how soft and hard he is. Joel pulls his hips back to give you more room and you both groan in unison when he comes free from his underwear and lands into your palm.

He groans when you finally grip him in your soft palm, loving the way you squeeze him, and he’s so hard. He’s aching for you and his fingers work in and out of you, desperate to hear you cry out his name.

Your eyes slide closed, twisting your wrist to pump his cock as much as you can while his fingers destroy you. They are just as thick and wonderful as you imagined. Rough, his hands are calloused and imperfect from the manual labor of his job, scrubbing perfectly inside your walls to make you choke out his name every time he curls them deep.

Your choked version of his name has him groaning yours as you try to pump his cock in your soft hand. He twists his wrist, pressing his thumb to your clit to hear the sweet cry of your orgasm. He desperately wants it. His lips find yours again and he slides his tongue into your mouth, wanting to devour you.

Your hips roll up, eager to have him push his fingers deep every time he pulls them back. You feel that lovely tension curling in your stomach and you want more, crave it. He is just as overwhelming as you had imagined. Completely taking control and showing a confidence that is undeniably sexy.

Your walls flutter and clamp down on his fingers, making him grin against your chin, and he desperately wants you to fall apart for him. “Cum for me, baby.” He murmurs, nipping your jaw as he curls his fingers and presses his thumb against your clit.

It takes a few more pumps of his fingers before you are flying. Your walls lock down around his fingers and soak him with a wave of hot liquid juice that just continues to come in wave after wave while he continues to curl his fingers deep. Crying out his name loudly, nearly a sob and you shake under him.

“Holy fuck.” He groans when you grip his fingers in your walls and he loves how hot and wet you get. He can’t wait to feel that around his cock. “That’s it, baby. Such a good girl for me.” He murmurs, kissing along your neck as he works you through it.

You whimper, knowing that he could call you a good girl for the rest of your life and it would still make your stomach curl in pleasure. Your legs feel like jello when he finally pulls his fingers free and kisses your lips. “Fuck, Miller.” You pant. “Get on your back.”

He grunts as he shifts to lay against the pillows, pupils blown wide as he watches you while you shift to your wobbly knees. "So fucking gorgeous." He murmurs, his gaze dropping to your tits and he can't help reaching down to squeeze his hard cock.

You bite your lip when your thighs are straddling him, immediately moving and grinding down on his cock as soon as he moves his hand. Grinning when he moans your name and swivel your hips again. “Put your hat back on, cowboy.” You tease, leaning down and kissing him passionately.

He fumbles blindly to grab his hat from the nightstand and he puts it on while his tongue tangles with yours while you grind down onto him. “Shit. Co-condom?” He rasps, knowing it’s been forever and a day since he’s had sex but he wants you to be comfortable.

“Fuck.” You don’t have one, but you think you will cry if you have to stop right now. “I don’t- I’m clean.” You mumble against his lips, pulling back to look into his eyes. “I’m on birth control.”

“I’m clean and I - I trust you.” He promises, knowing he shouldn’t take the chance after Katie left him high and dry but he’s aching and he knows you wouldn’t lie to him. “Take what you want, baby.” He demands, his hands finding your ass to squeeze before he playfully slaps your cheeks, “ride a cowboy.”

You moan, reaching down and wrapping your fingers around his cock as you lift up to move him into position. “Gonna ride you ‘til you pass out.” You tease, winking at him right before you start to impale yourself on his length with a loud moan.

When you start to sink down onto his cock, he hisses and his fingers dig into your ass, exhaling through his nose to control himself as he watches your facial expressions while he stretches you out. “Feel good?” He smirks, voice heavy with lust as he slides one hand up to squeeze your breast.

“Yes, fuck.” Your eyes close and you clench down around him. “You’re so much thicker than my ex.” You admit breathlessly, not even thinking that he might not want to be reminded that you had just broken up with someone.

He chuckles, pinching your nipple. "Good, gonna make sure you don't remember his fucking name after tonight." He promises and kisses along your jaw, "want you to scream my name only."

“What ex?” You joke, groaning when he nibbles on your ear. “Fuck, Joel.” You sit up, bracing your hands on his chest and look down on him. He looks sexy under you. “You have a great cock.” You praise, starting to bounce on it. “I’m going cum all over it.”

Your words make him twitch inside you and he slaps your tit, wanting you to squeal. You start to rock on top of him and the sight is gorgeous but he reaches for the hat on his head. He takes it off and places it on your head. “Sexy as fuck.” He murmurs, watching you as your tits move.

You giggle as you ride him, leaning over to press against his chest and bounce harder. He feels incredible inside you, his cock punching deep enough to feel like he’s in your throat and you start to rock harder on him. “Fuck, fuck Joel!”

“That’s it, baby. Shit. Take what you want. God, you look so gorgeous ridin’ my cock.” He coos as his dark eyes trail down to watch where his cock disappears inside of you.

He doesn’t have the exaggerated drawl of a cowboy, but that gravely, raspy pitch to his voice makes your cunt clench around him as he praises you. Loving how he seems to be obsessed with you moving on top of him. Those hands caress you from your tits to your thighs.

Your moans make him twitch inside you and he digs his heels into the mattress, unable to stop himself from thrusting up into you with a groan. “You gonna cum for me, baby?” He asks, his hands sliding up to pinch your nipples and twist them slightly.

“Yessssss.” You hiss, clenching down around him and circling your hips. “Your fucking cock is so deep inside me.” You moan. “You’re in my throat. How the fuck did no one want to ride this cock every night?”

Joel doesn’t mention his ex at this moment but he’s been hesitant to get involved with anyone since she left him with a baby and walked out the door. It’s been hard and he’s finally taking time for himself. He’s going to let you take what you want from him. “Wanna see you cum again.” He rasps, groaning when you clench around him, getting closer.

“I will.” You moan, bouncing on his cock faster and gasping out when he pushes against a perfect spot deep inside you. “God I want to cum all over you.”

"Do it." He pleads, his jaw clenched as he tries to focus on not cumming before you. It's been too long since all he had was his hand. He groans and slides his hand between you, finding your clit to rub, needing you to fall apart for him.

That little nudge of his fingers is all you need. Crying out his name so loud it’s almost a scream you shake apart on top of him, clenching down on his cock and creaming all over it as your hips stutter and you collapse against his chest to press your lips to his breathlessly.

He pulls his hand from between you, his arms wrapping around you and he is desperate to cum. He thrusts up into you, hissing at the way you clench around him. So tight he can barely thrust up into you, and he groans as he pushes deep and finally lets go. He paints your walls with his hot cum, a pant of your name escapes his lips as the breath is knocked from him.

You pant as he relaxes underneath you. Both of you are trying to catch your breath. “Wow.” His cowboy hat is pushed back, falling off your back and you start to giggle in pleasure. Amazed at how good that was. “Good ride, cowboy.”

He chuckles, heart pounding in his chest as he caresses your back, “fuck, my fantasies didn’t do you justice. You are incredible.” He murmurs, kissing your shoulder and up your neck.

You hum in agreement. He cock is softening inside you but you don’t even have the strength to move off of him. “Much better than getting drunk downstairs.”

Joel smiles, “absolutely. I, uh, wouldn’t mind doing it again. And again.” He confesses with a softness to his voice as he caresses you. “I’ve wanted you for a while. Do you, maybe, uh, wanna go out sometime?” He asks, wanting you to know this isn’t just a quick fuck at a party.

“Of course I do.” You smirk, pulling back and giving him a small wink. “How else will I be able to ride this construction cowboy anytime I want?” You joke, happy that Lindsey had convinced you to come to this party tonight. This was much better than eating too much candy on your sofa all alone. “Although next time, I want to see that fucking tool belt on your hips. Do you know how sexy that is?”

Joel actually blushes and he shakes his head, "I didn't know. Tool belt...I can make that happen." He promises and leans in to kiss you again. You groan after you pull back, shifting off of him and he reaches down to tuck his soft cock away. "I know I come as a package deal but Sarah loves you. She thinks you are cool as shit. She will be part of the deal if we - you know?" He asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I know that.” You promise him. “Never would have thought any different. Sarah is your world. I respect that. She is the first priority in your life, like she should be. I would just like to spend some time with you, and her. I want to see where this could go.” You smile. “It’s not like we live far apart.” You remind him, knowing that it would be a good thing to be so close, unless things don’t work out.

Joel nods, “yeah. Yeah. I just - not everyone wants a single dad.” He admits and you reach out to caress his cheek, “a hot single dad. One I want to fuck.” You giggle and Joel blushes again, “I can definitely arrange that. You want another drink? Some snacks?” He offers, knowing he won’t want to leave the guest room for quite some time. You nod and he shifts off the bed, adjusting his jeans and he puts his shirt back on. He grabs his hat and places it on his head, a wink towards you as he opens the door, “I’ll be right back.” He promises and steps out of the guest room. Making his way downstairs barefoot, he passes couples and friends until he sees Tommy who asks where you are. “She’s upstairs.” Joel confesses, biting his lip, and Tommy smacks him on the shoulder. 

“Fucking finally, man. Good for you. You two make a cute couple. Don’t fuck it up.” Tommy raises his eyebrows and Joel nods, “only thing that’s gonna fuck this up is a goddamn zombie apocalypse.” He jokes and Tommy snorts, “you deserve to be happy, man.” Joel thanks him, grabbing the food and drinks to make his way back upstairs. He’s excited for the future. A future with you.

[eyesxxyou]

Backstage Show Pt.2

★🎸 {} .. hobie brown x groupie!reader

rating. m

word count. 3k

synopsis. after a show, you and hobie fine yourself an an alley for a little fun. little do you know, you have an audience

or

hobie fucks you in an alley in front of paparazzi

🍒・．❕warnings. exhibitionalism (sex in backalley of venue), p in v sex, unprotected sex not advised, clothed sex, anal fingering (f receiving), ass eating, fingering, public sex, degradation, little bit of a size kink, hobie has a bit of a god) superiority complex, y/n is a group who'd do anything for her idol, bit of a power dynamic fr, this is a bit toxic but gets sweet at the end y'all so hold on

backstage show pt.1 | backstage show pt.3

If you told yourself a couple of months ago that you’d be the Hobie Brown’s fuck buddy, following him around while he tours, always there with open arms, open legs, and an open mouth, you would have called yourself delusional and admitted yourself into a mental hospital. But here you were, in the backstage VIP section watching the show from the best seats in the venue.

You had no idea why Hobie’s kept you around for this long. Compared to others, in your own opinion, you weren’t all that unremarkable. You were pretty, but not the prettiest, good at sex but not the best. But you could only truly narrow it down to your devotion to him. You worshiped him like a god, kissed the very ground he walked on. Maybe he liked the attention, the way he could always be sure that you’d do absolutely anything he asked of you.

You met up with him at every one of his shows, both before and after and depending on whether you fucking him before or after the show (usually before so he could steal your panties and keep them in his pocket while on stage as a "good luck token"), you'd hang out with him and his bandmates, smoking pot and throwing back shots while they recall stories of their earlier days on the road, just the 4 of them and their old van.

His bandmates took you in as an unofficial member of the band without so much as a hitch. A band member they all took turns flirting with but a member nonetheless.

After the show, The Mary Janes came backstage and you rushed to Hobie to praise him over his performance. You wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands came to support you by grasping your waist. He kissed you feverishly, the rush and exhilaration of the concert still coursing through his veins and screaming to get out in any way possible. The way his tongue stroked yours told you neither of you would get far before his cock would be bullying its way inside your greedy pussy.

“You did so good.” You murmured against his thick lips, your tongue pressed against his lip piercing. “You looked so sexy.” Hobie nipped at your bottom lip and set you down. “I would’ve gone betta if I saw tha’ pretty face of yas out in the crowd.” It it was decided then that there would be no watching from backstage from you, you’d sit at the front of the crowd because Hobie couldn’t perform his very best without seeing his girl.

“Fuck the rest of us then.” Eli, the drummer, muttered snarkily under his breath as a joke. You turned around to look at him in his heterochromatic eyes and slapped his chest as he towered over you. “Not fucking you, am I? I can only handle one pretty face at a time.”

Another band member, Cass, with his locs up in a ponytail and fiddling with his guitar, hummed. “Ya could be though.” They often made jokes about Hobie letting them share you and each time he had the same response. “I don’ like to share wha’s mine.” He’ll eat in front of them but they’ll never get any of the food.

Hobie tapped your ass in the booty shorts you were wearing. “You ready to head out, luv? We gotta go through the back or one of us is gonna get trampled.” He grabbed you by the waist with a possessiveness that told his mate to back off or someone’s head is getting bashed in with a guitar and pulled you into him. He didn’t even have to ask, you were willing to go whenever he was, wherever he was. “Yeah, let’s go.”

The two of you said your goodbyes to his bandmates and made your way through thebackstage to get to the back exit. Hobie kept teasing you along the way, walking with his fingers dipped beneath the waistband of the slutty little shorts you had on, his teeth nipping at the soft, supple flesh of your neck, leaving small bruises where his teeth violated your innocence.

Once you two breached out of the door, Hobie spun you around and pressed you up against the heavily graffitied wall with his lips on yours and his tongue in your mouth, coaxing moans from you which he swallowed as if it were the only sustenance in the world.

“Ma pretty girl.” He cooed into your mouth as he nipped at your tongue . “Always righ’ there fa me. Always down fa anytin’.” His fingers fiddled with the button to your shorts for a moment before undoing them and pulling the useless piece of fabric down just enough to gain access to your pussy. “‘M gonna fuck you righ’ here in this alley, all’em fans just down the way. Anyone can see us. And you’re gonna let me, aren’t ya?”

You nod feverishly, looking up at him as you tucked your bottom lip between your teeth. You could hear people walking by, chanting Hobie’s name in hopes that it might coax him to come out and greet them. Anyone one of them could walk right by and see him fucking you stupid and you didn’t care. Not as long as you were the one he was fucking.

“Turn aroun’.” He grabbed you and forced you to turn around. You braced yourself against the wall with your hands, your ass perked out and your back arched, revealing your pussy and asshole to him to use as he pleased through a brand new set of nylon stockings.

Hobie slapped your ass hard, the sound of skin meeting skin echoing off the walls loudly. He wanted to see how much noise he could get away with before someone noticed, not caring if anyone rounded the corner and saw the two of you fucking under the flickering light of the alley. He wanted someone to see your depravity, the way you were so irrationally dedicated to him, the way you’d do anything for him.

He brute forced his way through your stocking, tearing a hole big enough for him to get to your pussy. “No panties? Wha’ a bad girl.” He spanked you again and you yelped at the sting of it, his hand undoubtedly left a print against your ass.

Hobie got down on his knees in behind you, his large, calloused, rough hands spreading your ass to further expose your delicacies. Your pussy was slick with your arousal, no need for preparation. "So wet already, baby. My performance go' you all hot and bothered, then?" His voice was warm against your core and you whined and whimpered with choking words of something of agreement. His performance always got you hot and bothered. There was something both so chaotic yet sensual about the show he put on. If anyone could give Hobie anything, they'd say he certainly had stage presence.

Hobie coaxed his fingers between the warmth of your cunt before easing a single long, slender finger into you. Your silky walls clamped down around the digit in desperation for any stimulation. "Hobie~" you sang his praises as he fucked his finger in and out of you. He wish he had something to record this so he could put it into a song but alas, something like that would have to wait.

Then he added another finger, curling his fingers against your silken walls. "'m pretty girl." He almost sang, fingering you nice and hard with his tongue and lips against your asshole, eating you out in a far different way than you ever expected. He ate your ass easily, languidly, all lips and tongue breaching the tight rim of your ass just a little. "Relax, babe, relax."

You listen to his command despite the anxiety of the crowd whose edges were slowly crawling it's way nearer to the alley as more people added themselves to the awaiting crowd. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes, and forced your body to relax a little for him. You loosenedd up in accordance, making it easier for Hobie to finger fuck you and sloppily make out with your second hole.

His fingers massaged that soft spot within you, his tongue on your ass sending soft jokes of pleasure to your core as he abused your spot mercilessly. He spat on you like you were nothing but an object of her pleasure, making it known that he was doing all this for him, not for you. Hobie paused a moment and pulled his face back, watching a glob of his saliva run down from your ass to your pussy before being pushed in by his fingers that splayed your pussy open in preparation for his much larger cock.

You whined for him, nails clawing at the concrete walls. "Keep going. I'm almost there. Please, Hobes." You needed it like you needed air in your lungs to breathe or you'd simply die without it.

Hobie scoffed at your plea for some semblance of kindness from him. "Desperate whore." He murmured and went right back to eating you. You were so close your legs trembled with the mere idea of cumming on his fingers and face and the more you thought about it, the closer it came to coming true until your walls were pulsating around his fingers and your ring of muscles clenched with the intensity of the orgasm that washed over you.

Your knees buckled into each other and you would have fallen down if not for you being braced against the wall. "Hobie…please fuck me. Please– I'll do anything, please." You wanted him to extend the kindness a human gives to another and fulfill your ask to the fullest degree.

You'd come to regret that.

You listened in anticipation as he stood back up onto his booted feet and undid the buckle to his belt. He unzipped his pants to let himself free from the restraints of his clothing. He was already so hard just at the sight of you splayed open for him without so much as a shred of dignity in sight. You pushed your ass out further until your checks framed his cock and you began rubbing yourself on him. “Please Hobie.” You whined softly, looking back down the alley to ensure the two of you weren’t seen.

The risk of it made your anxiety all the greater but the sexiness of the moment greater than even that. The risk made him harder and made you wetter.

“Tha’s i’. Dirty lil’ slut can’ help haself.” Hobie grasped your hips and forced you to keep going. He couldn’t help but rut his cock against your ass, slipping it in the hole he made so he could feel his skin against yours and the heat and slick of your pussy against his balls. He grunted into your ear, spitting lewd obscenities at you while nibbling at your lobe.

“Put it in fa me, luv. Since you wan' I'm so badly.”

You whimper softly and reach behind you to grasp him at the base of his cock. You stroked his length a bit, dragging a few moans out of him along with it before directing the tip of his cock towards your dripping cunt. You prepped him the way he always did himself, dragging the leaky head of his dick between your swollen pussy lips so that your shared juices intermingled against your clit.

Hobie slapped your ass once more and this time you cried out at the pain. “I said put it in, didn’ I?” You nod in compliance and quickly positioned the head of his cock against your entrance. You tried to guide him in by he was simply too big for you to do it on your own. “I– I can’t, Hobie. Plea— ahh!” He forced his cock into you with one solid, fluid thrust into your tight hole, forcing out something of a moan and a scream from you. You slapped your hand over your mouth to keep yourself quiet, looking out down the alley once more.

Hobie didn’t seem to care not one bit as he held your hips still and fucked you nice and rough. He let out noise running parallel to huffs, growls, and groans. “Bes’ cunt ou’ there. This pussy gonna be the death of me.” There was something primal about the way he fucked you. There were no niceties, no pleasantries, no manners. Just rough fucking in the dark backalley of a venue he was just performing inside of. You weren't some girl he had to wine and dine before he could get into bed. You were just some slut he could convince to do anything. And it didn't even take much to convince you to let him fuck you in an alley.

He fucked you dumb, stupid, half brain-dead with your face pressed into the wall, lips parted and drooling while you moaned. He fucked you at an angle, ensuring that if someone did happen to come down there, they wouldn’t be able to see your face. Hobie towered over you, his body completely consuming yours while his hips fucked up into you, each thrust lifting your a little more off the ground until he was supporting your complete weight in his hands as your feet no long touched the wet, littered ground.

You let out muffled squeals and screams. He’s never fucked you like this, fucked you so animalistically. You should be scared all things considered but it only made you wetter, your pussy leaving a creamy ring around the base of his cock. “Shut up and take it.” He muttered, looking down at the way his cock split your hole open with each brutalizing thrust he delivered to your weeping pussy. Each stroke of his cock forcing you to accommodate his size, each thrust forcing your walls to memorize each groove, each vein, each stretch of him. He fucked you like you were his own personal sex toy and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it

His cock touched places that, before him, you never even knew existed. You could feel him bulge in your belly, you could feel him in your throat. You could feel him everywhere, that sweet, thick head of his just barely kissing your cervix, undoubtedly coating it in pre-cum.

“You wanna lemme try sometin’?”

“Anything.”

Satisfied with your answer, Hobie took one hand from your hips— still supporting your weight somehow— and spat on his fingers. You shivered as he placed them on your puckered asshole and spread his saliva across your second hole, prepping you, you realized. You had never done anything anal related before but you kept yourself clean down there just in case a moment like this arose. You were nervous however, as anyone would be if they were getting the shit fucked out of them in an alley with a slew of people just on the cusp of witnessing an actual crime.

“‘S jus’ a finga, okay? Jus’ ma thumb.” He assured you that he wouldn't be doing anything crazy. No here at least. He kept fucking you as he eased his thumb past the tight ring of muscles and immediately you moaned and shuddered as the feel of it intruding into your body. “Hobie…Hobie please.” It was all so much. You felt that you might simply pass out if he continued like this.

He fingered your asshole while fucking you, pressing and messaging the even tighter walls of your ass while your pussy greedily swallowed his cock with each of his thrusts. You were seeing white, crying out so loud that someone has had to hear you by now but you simply couldn’t care at this point. Hobie was fucking your too good for you to care, the rest of his fingers splayed across the small of your back as he uses his new grip on you to fuck you even harder.

This was the kind of fucking that made you revere him, worship him like the sex god he was. You kiss his feet if he wanted, lick his boots, let him degrate you, spit on you, use you as his own personal cum dumpster if he so chose because the orgasm ravishing your body right now was makinging you see white, your gaze lose focus, and your ears ring.

“Hobie, Hobie, Hobie!” You chanted his name as if calling upon a deity to help you, like a prayer on your lips to a god who wasn’t there and you just needed him to hear you. You came a second time, creaming all over his pretty dick, leaving the dark skin glistening in white from your cum.

You could hear Hobie come down from his own high, fucking cum into you with a low, gravelly groan into your ear. His final thrusts were spaced and rough as he emptied his balls into your pussy and once he was done he removed all appendages from you and quickly made you decent before someone could see you stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey.

You could feel his cum leaking out of your pussy as Hobie helped you out of the alley, tossing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you in close to protect you from the paparazzi’s intrusive photos. You thought about how later you were going to finger yourself again with his cum still inside you, hopefully able to get him on the phone to help you through it.

Later on that week, you saw a tabloid magazine about Hobie and smack dab as the front picture was you and Hobie in the alley fucking. You couldn’t see either of your faces but it was very clearly Hobie from his wild hair. In a panic, you called Hobie, babbling on and on about how you shouldn’t have done that and that you might lose your job.

“Is your face in the photo?”

“Well…no.”

“Then how will they know it’s you?” He made a good point. As long as no picture showed up with your face in it, you had nothing to worry about. You took a deep breath to calm yourself. “You’re right, sorry. Okay, I’ve gotta go but I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Of course, luv. Have a good night.”

[capndesdesdestiny]

short tiny midday write I was thinkin ab

neighbor!graves always breaks into your apartment

no smut unfortunately I’m writing one rn but it’s long af so that’s gonna take a bit

You were making yourself a midnight snack, some microwave s’mores to eat while you watch your favorite show, when the door clicked open and smacked loudly against the wall, making you jump. It was your next door neighbor, Graves, who was stumbling through your hallway towards your spot in the kitchen, where you stood unamused.

He had a habit of coming in at night when he pleased, ever since he figured out a spare key was always either under your doormat, your succulent, or in recent times tucked in the bed of grass behind the mailboxes. No matter how many times you switched its location, he made it a game to find it and sneak in on you. Though you would never admit it, you were starting to enjoy the surprise visits.

“Stop using my spare key to break in, Graves- actually, I really gotta find a better place for that thing.” You grumble with your arms crossed over your chest, watching as he strides towards you, holding onto the counter as he laughs.

“Darlin, if you were better with your things you wouldn’t need a spare at all..” he slurs as he stands by the counter across from you, watching you bite into a s’more. His eyes are slightly glazed over, half lidded and sexy, though you keep that to yourself. He reaches out to cup your cheek as he lets out a sigh, “besides, sweetheart, you know a shitty lock ain’t keepin me out.”

Your heart starts to beat a little harder in your chest. You know you should be calling the cops right now, but the way he towers over you in the moment, holding your cheek, the strong scent of cologne and one too many Lone Star’s invading your senses, it wins you over in seconds. You rest a hand over the one on your cheek, sighing as you look up at him, your tone dry, “…what do you want, neighbor.”

He lets out a loud chuckle, that finance bro laugh with that sexy southern twist. He brushes his thumb over your cheek, intertwining his pinky with yours. You feel his other hand move up to feel on your waist, calloused fingers roaming over your side and pinching the soft fabric of your shirt. Those pretty blue eyes bore into your soul, and his slurring words float through your head. “You know what I want, neighbor.”

aight that’s it

I should’ve said orbs that would’ve been so fking funny

[ckret2]

Somebody brought up that Mabel asked Bill about his "top ten most attractive people or creatures in Gravity Falls" in chapter 23 and he never answered, and I'm procrastinating edits, so I'm gonna comb the wiki and answer on his behalf:

That eye-bat he was dating. If allowed, Bill would fill the list with ten eye-bats and not be lying. They look different to him, he can tell them apart, and they're all hot! He thinks he should be allowed.

Cycloptopus. Do you know how hard it is to find a good eyemouth on Earth? And those TENTACLES.

[REDACTED]. (Bill doesn't particularly find humans physically attractive, apart from their pretty eyes, but then almost all vertebrate Earthlings have pretty eyes. It's the necks, humans look like goofy bobble heads and it just doesn't do it for Bill. Everyone else on this list made it on for being physically attractive—but ONE human makes the list by virtue of sheer mind-blowingly sexy personality. Bill will never admit it out loud. It's Quentin Trembley.)

One time Bill saw this REALLY hot bullfrog.

Mr. What's-His-Face. A man that turned his hobby into a successful job, has a killer sense of interior decor, and when given the ability to choose his own appearance decided to look like a hideous freak and likes it that way? Yeah he's checking all the boxes.

Chamelius Pendraggin. Collects colors, including colors that can drive people insane, which is a wildly attractive hobby as far as Bill's concerned. Also Bill's really into the chameleon eyes. And Chamelius can probably change colors??? Hot. The fact that they could probably only interact on an enchanted page isn't an dealbreaker, sometimes you've gotta go back to the basics. Irritating personality though.

Listen. He's probably never been attracted to a line in his life. However, if the birches were sentient—

The floating eyeballs, different things from eye-bats, it's legal for him to list them separately

Geodites. Unfortunately, they're stupid.

Bill didn't look REALLY closely at what was going on in Mabeland, but he glimpsed a singing tree with eyes with the stuffed corpses of puppets lashed to its branches. Would. If it was, like, psychically detached from Mabel's subconscious. There are options, it can be done.

Speaking of Mabel's inventions, honorable mention #1: for like ten minutes the cartoon character Shimmery Twinkleheart spontaneously came into existence in Gravity Falls in the form of an abominable extradimensional entity made of base clay and forbidden magic. Bizarre temporary existence, desirable for its ephemerality; escapee from the second dimension; to truly comprehend the nature of his existence would drive most mortals to madness; fun shape, pretty color, cute fashion. Would, if Shimmery had a ball gag.

Honorable mention #2 to Soos for rising above most of humanity's mediocre potential and making it, like, 95% of the way to actually being physically attractive. Bill can't stand him though.

[doevademe]

ok! As a counter for that last ask! Cause I think Percy would never forget Nico even if he s intoxicated to his last brain cell or mind whipped by Juno!!! I propose this version (which is hilarious to me may I add) 😆:

Nico, trying to get a drunk Percy to the car (or to a dark corner to shadow jump) : c'mon dear we gotta get you home-

Percy who's completely plastered: GET YOUR WHORE HANDS OFF ME!!! I HAVE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!

Nico: ... I am extremely proud and offended at the same time.

[Anon means this drabble]

Nico entered the bar carefully, trying to not draw any attention to himself.

He had recieved an IM from Jason from the bar's very dirty bathroom so he could pick up Percy, who had apparently fallen victim to Leo's pranks and spiked cocktails.

He would have let it run its course if not for Percy saying way too loudly, "Jay! I'm starting to think that Margarita Sunrise lied about being a virgin!" before an embarrassed son of Jupiter ended the connection.

"Nico!" Jason called him looking relieved. "Thank the gods, your boyfriend is out of control!"

"Hi, Jason," Nico shouted to be heard over the loud music. "The place looks very unflooded, how bad could it really be?"

"Well..."

"—And believe me, I met Misery, and you reek it!" He heard the love of his life say behind him. He turned around to see him talking to a man built like a fridge, who looked more and more displeased by the second. "With some luck, you'll see that happiness is not found at the bottom of a bottle."

And then the unthinkable happened. The man's eyes welled up in tears and he hugged Percy. Nico turned to look at Jason, who just massaged his temples.

"He already made Leo cry too," he said. "And three other people, including the bouncer who tried to throw him out for dragging the mood down."

Nico sighed and approached Percy, who stumbled unfocused and said, "Hokay! Who's next?"

"Hey, caro," he greeted, giving him his best disarming smile. Percy blinked and looked him up and down.

"Pretty..." he mumbled, making Nico smile.

"You're very drunk, aren't you?"

"...Maybe a bit," he admitted after a few seconds. He leaned in close as if he was about to whisper, but kept the same volume as he said, "Don't tell anyone, but I think someone spiked my drink!"

Nico chuckled. Of course drunk Percy was adorable.

"Come on, I better get you home so you can sleep off the—"

"Woah, woah!" Percy took a step back holding his hands up to prevent Nico from grabbing him. "Hands off, pretty boy!"

"Percy, what are—?"

"Don't touch me with your sexy hands, you hussy! I have a boyfriend!"

A million thoughts went through Nico's brain as he tried to understand what Percy had just said. From the fact that Percy didn't recognize him, yet still seemed loyal to him, to the fact that he had called him a hussy.

"Hussy?" Was all he could say. Percy frowned.

"Yeah, who else would go to bars, looking all attractive and tempting, and picking up guys, strumpet!" Percy crossed his arms. "But I have my Nico, and he's a thousand times better than you could ever hope to be!"

Nico blinked.

"I... have never been so flattered and offended at the same time," Nico managed to get out. Percy looked away. "What if I take you to your Nico? Preferably before you bring out the thessaurus for more words for escorts."

The idea made Percy smile. He nodded and held out his hand.

"No touching below the waist though... or above, ar anywhere but my hand!" he warned. Nico rolled his eyes and nodded. Percy seemed satisfied and looked behind him. "Bye Jay! This tramp will take me to Nico!"

Nico turned to see his friend trying hard to hold his laughter. He glared before taking Percy's hand and shoving him into the darkest corner.

He wasn't sure if he should congratulate or chew out Percy the next day, but he was certain that Jason would face his wrath come morning.

[land-of-holly]

Rings of Power Season 2 Episode 7 Liveblog

I heard we would have less Numenor in this episode. I feel like they're already doing more characterization spots than actual plot advancement, though that may be because I already know where the plot is going so it doesn't FEEL like advancement

Maybe more Arondir tho? Pls?? I miss him

I think we may be doubling down on the implication that the nine's mithril is actually Sauron's own blood. Isn't visual storytelling fun?

The fall of Ost-in-Edhil, as promised

Poor Tyelpe...

Somebody who knows more about metalcraft tell me how he is doing all of this hilariously wrong

Hello Mr. Mouse! He looks very polite, you should let him stay

THAT'S CREEPY PUT HIS REFLECTION BACK THE WAY IT WAS ANNATAR

Tyelpe unfortunately Annatar is going to have to ask for crunch time from you to cover for his own poor scheduling ability

Always love how media siege weaponry use seems to have no other strategy than modern artillery, ie keep hitting until you obliterate the entire fucking thing

Oh now he's "saving" them from their lord's neglect. Asshole.

DISNEY'S MULAN WAS NOT A TACTICAL MANUAL JFC ROCKS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

That's the kind of thing you accomplish with WELL PLACED DYNAMITE

Arondir! Where did you come from?

(Seriously this show has no respect for time or distance)

I do appreciate every ring having its proper gem.

Warn him, Mr. Mouse!

T_T he's trying to find reality!

Time is money, Narvi! We need to cook dig!

Yayyyyy! Narvi!

Elf? Elf?

ELROND HOW DID YOU GET HERE

Honestly if he's not also here to defy his king I'm starting to wonder why

Nope it's not my audio, the drumbeats are actually not visually in synch with the soundtrack. What the hell, guys?

Elf! Extras! With bows!

Oh no is the mouse in a time loop?

Is Sauron's reach finally exceeding his grasp?

So it's on to strategy number 2, admit that he did it but pretend like it's all fine

"This is hardly a gift" nnnggggggg

We're in trailer territory fam

Lol it's all falling apart

This is absolutely the kind of thing I would expect to see in a good Silvergifting fic, and I mean that as the highest praise. The manipulation! The betrayal!

It's the black goop!

Noooo RIP Tyelpe

Gotta say, roughed up and bleeding looks reeeeally good on Charles Edwards

Come ON Mirdania, I know he comes off a little weird but you don't trust that fucker either!

Unfortunately Tyelpe is a little too harried to remember that blood color is literally THE easiest tell to hide with illusion magic

ANNATAR WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

wow i'm so glad i'm watching this at 7 am

JUSTICE FOR MIRDANIA

It's threats now

Tyelpe please tell me Feanor taught you about decision theory, you CANNOT respond to threats, that just leads to more threats!

Three armies?

ELF EXTRAS

WAR ELROND

Fine, fine, show off the Orc makeup

Ignore her, Elrond, she brought this on herself

Is Adar actually magicing away the sun and making shade just for his children? They do a lot with light in this show but that was a little heavy handed

STOP TALKING ABOUT HIS BEAUTY LEAVE HIM ALONE

Invoking Melian's wisdom is a really low blow. Everything could have gone so much better if anyone ever listened to her.

Elrond knows how to hit back where it hurts! How much do these guys really matter to you, Adar

ELROND IS A MASTER NEGOTIATOR!

Ew. This is some Twilight shit. He goddamn well better have had that ring in his mouth.

Because you always go into a negotiation with confidence, Vorohil!

That helmet needs like a chin strap, but I know those aren't sexy. Letting him have the helmet on at all is a huge ask for most of Hollywood

Durin Jr is a great leader!

Do not make your horse do that wtf

More surprise sinkholes

See??? He can't steal your helmet and show us all your pretty pretty face if you had it strapped on!

Elrond that was kinda cruel, take a deep breath dude

Battle battle fight fight

Now were seeing some tactical macinery use

You are gunning for a patricide my dude

She cannot be caged!

Time for Galadriel to grow an empathy??

I'm still not sure if Galadriel speaks Black Speech. I would assume so, it's useful

Arondir! Where have you been?

So she does know how to motivate people in a positive way

Narvi!!

Unfortunately Middle-earth works on narrativium, not statistics

Someone take away Sauron's literal Christian bible, please

Always focused on the end. Analysts are gonna have a field day with this

Opening up about the torture? I HAVE READ THIS FANFIC I STG.

THAT IS NOT A COMPLAINT

Literally some DARVO shit

THROW IT INTO THE FIRE

unfortunately I think that will not work

they're not even hot

come on Tyelpe you know there's only one way out of this shackle how many times did you see the aftermath lets go LETS GO

dear movie THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

oh no the artillery just has it out for poor tyelpe

I am Appreciating Galadriel declaring Celebrimbor Lord of Eregion

I can accept replacement of escape with the Three by escape with the Nine. They set it up well enough, and the emotional thrust remains

Of course the difference is this plan is doomed

Okay but have these guys accepted that they are dumb as fuck and eminently susceptible to Sauron's manipulation?

Acceptable last words by poor Tyelpe

Rian MVP!

Damrod? Damrod??

You think a few swords can stop this guy?

See? Dumb as fuck, and very manipulable.

And now the torture, I assume

I never know what language these elves are going to be speaking when they open their mouths, it's great

Killing a hill troll is a group effort

War Gil-galad??

Glug is looking more and more treasony

Dwarves? No dwarves?

AEGLOS LETS GO

arondir no

you can't kill him girl your diversity

don't try to out loremaster elrond that's mean

hey that doesn't belong to you

put that back

WOW I didn't think it was possible for a show so overproduced to simply have a bad first season but they are really showing improvement in the second IMO! Can't wait for the finale!

[mikuyuuss]

How about two ships for that bingo game?

Akari x Giyuu? And then Mitsuri x Obanai? ^_^

The way you added Giyukari there 🩷🩷🙏🏻

Ofc I gotta check off everything positive about them, but Giyuu and Akari are more dorks than sexy tbh (love them for that though)

Akari is always meant to be her own character (and she still is) I created her back in 2019, and at that time, she didn't even have a love interest. It's only when it was canonically stated that Giyuu has a descendant, that I find myself fixating really hard at the possibility that Giyuu married someone and had kids, and then I remembered that I have a kny oc, and that's pretty much how I came up with the idea of intertwining Akari and Giyuu's story together. 🩷

Also maybe there's a part of me that wished Giyuu in canon had a "special someone" it's doesn't necessarily have to be romantic in a sense, but I just remember thinking how the Butterfly sisters, Shinazugawa bros and Obamitsu have eachother, Tengen has his wives, and Giyuu has Sabito and Tanjiro... except Sabito is long gone before the series even started and I always felt like there's more emphasis on Tanjiro and Rengoku's bond tbh.

I guess I just felt like Giyuu in canon has a sense of loneliness to him even after befriending people (maybe this is why he is so shippable-) BUT YEAH, it's why I wanted Akari to be Giyuu's friend. They can be each other's "special someone" :D Friends to Lovers dynamic!

As for Obamitsu well

Ok so I'll admit that Obamitsu isn't actually my fav pairing (it's pretty shallow really, I just don't find Obanai that hot enough fjsjsjsjsk) but still, I very much appreciate them, and they are fun to draw! I really like how they compliment each other. The idea of two people who find themselves to be unlovable and finding that love with each other, only except it's a little too late... I actually stumbled upon your post about obamitsu being a failed romance before, and I agree so much, thinking about the tragic aspect of their romance makes me sad :(

Overall I think their relationship is pretty well written. I know some might say that they lacked screentime, which is fair, but for me, it's the fact that even in such a short time, the story was able to show us why they mattered to eachother. Especially when I compare it to other shows where the main couple had tons of screentime and yet their chemistry is still lacking. I guess sometimes its still about quality over quantity kind of thing.

Also I don't think Mitsuri falling for Obanai negates her own character, it's more like they both complete each other's arcs. I feel that with obamitsu, you can appreciate them as a pair but you can also appreciate them as separate characters too!

Also they lowkey give me botw zelink vibes so its hard for me not to appreciate them. 🩷

[masterqwertster]

24. "Unless you ask me not to in the next five seconds, I'm going to hug you." from the vague dialogue prompts for Chetney and Ashton please? in the secret library AU.

-@inconmess

Prompt Gotta admit, I'm really pleased to see people asking for prompts with the different AUs this go around instead of me picking at random. I love getting engagement with them. The fun thing about the Secret Library AU is that it's (as @thecassafrasstree pointed out in the concept post notes) very well suited to extra little tv show style episodic adventures. And one of those little "episode" ideas that's been chewing at me is Ashton getting their genasi curse removed in a mishandled artifact incident/accident. And they're excited to be human again, but also just kinda bad at it. He's been made of stone since he was 15-ish and just doesn't know how to be physically soft and squishy anymore, leading to some (kind of funny) accidents around the library. Ashton takes the curse back, in the end though, because being human hasn't really been him in a long time and the strength he has as a genasi lets him better protect his people. ...And there's probably some desperate situation where he needs his old stone strength/body back to save everyone, as these things usually go. This little tidbit would be in the fallout of Ashton taking back their curse. 24 "Unless you ask me not to in the next five seconds, I'm going to hug you."

Chetney knows what it's like to go between human and what most would call monster.

That's kind of the whole deal with lycanthropy. Sometimes you're pretty normal, sometimes you're a fucking sexy beast ...with some feral instinct issues.

Anyways, point is: Chetney's got some idea of what's going on in that opal brain of Ashton's, and it's about time the punk rock stopped moping.

It's not very difficult to track Ashton down. When they're in a mood that isn't punchy, they can be found in the lounge, binging documentaries, snacks, and/or alcohol.

By the looks of it, they're not full on wallowing today, as there's only one empty beer bottle on the coffee table and the second in their hand is still half full by the swish of its contents while the mess of emptied snack bags speak to Ashton having parked their ass on the couch hours ago.

"So. How long do you plan on moping?" Chetney lightly asks, sitting down on the sinfully comfy couch and swiping a packet of jerky to gnaw on. Mmm, teriyaki.

"Shut the fuck up, Chetney," Ashton grumps, eyes fixed on the screen. Looks like a Western Wynandir castle documentary. Chetney's actually been to a few of those places.

"Right. No plans. Cool, cool," Chetney rolls with the attempted shutdown. "If you want my opinion on the whole thing-"

"I don't," Ashton growls.

"-as someone who's been a boring ass normal human for 70 years," Chetney continues undeterred. "I've never felt more alive than after I became a werewolf. I can do cool shit, and what I do here at the Library fucking matters. Can you really say you wanted to give that up?"

Ashton actually pauses the documentary, turns to face Chetney.

"Orym's a regular fucking human, and he does this shit. Being human doesn't mean giving up all of this," Ashton argues. But Chetney can see that it's more confusion, being lost, than anger behind the intense tone. The kid doesn't know where he stands anymore, and that's what's got him down in the dumps and tangled up in knots.

"True," Chetney softly agrees. "But Orym wouldn't be able to handle the problems here half as well as he does if not for all us not-so-normal types backing him up."

Ashton's eyes drop to their lap, their hands fisted in the fabric of their sweatpants.

"I just- I'm not like you and Fearne and Imogen and Laudna. I can't pass for human when pressed. I'm too hard, too heavy, too different. But I was human once and I don't- I can't be anything but this. Can't even pretend I'm not when I know how different it feels."

And Chetney's heart breaks for them a little bit.

"Fuck. Unless you ask me not to in the next five seconds, I'm going to hug you," Chetney declares. The kid obviously needs it.

"You're kidding," Ashton says, staring at Chetney in disbelief.

But Chetney's not, and he wraps the punk in a good ol' fashioned hug. Even gets fuzzy for it to make it even more comforting. Maybe. Look, he only caught a few minutes of that service animal documentary, but he remembers it saying that hugging animals is good for people.

Ashton stiffens for a second or two, and right as Chetney's thinking he should let go and back off, they lean into it. And fuck, the kid is heavy. But the wolf is strong, so he keeps them both upright for the hug.

After a little while, they pull apart and resettle on the couch.

"If you fucking tell anyone..." Ashton threatens a few minutes later.

"I won't," Chetney curtly agrees.

Neither of them are good at showing their bellies. It's the curse of a tough exterior and a gooey core. But every curse can be lifted, if only for a little while.

[pwnyta]

Saw a post about how Genshin and Vtubers are doing irreparable damage to character design, which I kiiiiiiinda agree with, lotta the designs are just way too busy for their own goods

But they talk about how the "bases" are all the same (again, they're not WRONG), but that's kinda just.. anime and stuff to begin with??? Like, if the character is supposed to be "appealing" they're gonna be traditionally pretty/handsome, with the standard anime face shape. Like, it's been lobbied against Oda hundreds of times that all his "appealing" ladies have the same body type and face shape because they're supposed to be pretty/sexy. You take Nami and Robin and strip them down to bare bones, and the only difference would be Robin's nose (and I suppose TECHNICALLY their breast size, but you can barely tell the difference between those chapter to chapter)

My Hero Academia does a good job creating WEIRD character designs, but they're never usually important characters. Like, 1-A has 3 characters that break the mold (all boys, mind you) and they really don't have too much to do plot-wise. 1-B has even MORE weird designs, but you barely ever see 1-B (also, again, it's only boys in 1-B that are breaking the mold)

Like, that's kinda just the THING about character design, especially designing anime characters. You tend to choose "safe" characteristics to make sure they're appealing to a wide enough audience. Gotta make sure they fit the waifu/husbando box

Yeah nah I dont think its Genshin/V-Tubers... the reason theyre the way they are is because of anime in general... and frankly anime and really other media as well is the way it is because thats what most people want to see whether they wanna admit it or not. Thin, pale, conventionally attractive characters will sell well. Anything else is far more niche.

People take cracks at Oda for his same-y female designs but frankly I think he does better than a lot of people. Like Sailor Moon for instance... basically all the same.

And as for busy designs... well if every character basically looks the same theyll need accessories to stand out. Just keep piling weird shit on them and hope no one compares your character to another character...

My character will be an average height, thin, pale guy, with a messy, black bowl cut and grey-blue eyes....

At least that one on the end has yellow eyes instead! Hes a totally different character.... As is Shoto... since his hair isnt black.

Hey! Dont forget about Pony! Ponys got a weird MLP face!

[about-faces]

Heeeeeeeey, so for the Batman tumblr sexyman polls, I'm thinking that for the Lazarus Pit round that us fans of Two-Face ought to run a campaign. Since I'm new to the fandom, but you have a LOT of Two-Face knowledge, I was wondering if you could tell me some places where I would be able to find in-universe campaign material for Harvey Dent running for office. I just think that it would be really funny if we rebranded Harvey's canonical campaign material into stuff for a sexyman poll. But I don't exactly know where to find that stuff. >.<

Also what's the story that Two-Face almost beats Dick to death with a baseball bat in? Because unless the Freeze fans really pull through in this present round, I have a feeling that we will all need to band together if we are to have a hope of defeating the Dick stans. And what better candidate than the guy who almost beat Dick to death with a baseball bat!? And you gotta admit... He did look pretty darn sexy while doing it... >.>

There are surprisingly not a ton of Harvey campaigning images, since the image of him as a candidate is a relatively recent take on the character, likely due to The Dark Knight and its aggressive marketing. I'm honestly blanking on some good images (it's been a long day) but there's the campaign poster from Two-Face: Year One and some screenshots from early on in the Long Halloween movie where he's celebrating his victory. Along those lines you could also use some images of Billy Dee Williams in front of his giant Citizen Kane poster from Burton's Batman. Oh, and of course, the Uncle Sam promo image of Two-Face from Arkham City. I just wish I could think of some examples from actual GOOD Harvey stories, but alas, no brain tonight. Sorry I'm coming up short tonight.

The story of Harvey beating Dick Grayson with a baseball bat was Robin: Year One, a retelling of the flashback events revealed in Batman: Prodigal (specific issue, Robin #0, where Harvey originally beat Dick with his bare fists). As with Harvey killing Jason's dad, these events are no longer in continuity, but there are definitely some fans who still treat them as such and hold grudges against Harvey as a result. I have no interest in dealing with those kinds of fans any more than is strictly necessary, as they can be... intense, not to mention wholly unsympathetic to Harvey, nor do they care about how he's misused by certain writers in comics. Like, hell yeah he looked great in Robin: Year One, no argument there! But the writing was an abysmal take on Harvey.

But if you're willing to deal with those fans or even provoke them, well... godspeed, little doodle!

[2n2n]

What is the age-rating of JSHK? (Also poor random guys thinking it’s a cute romcom hehe)

I mean g-fantasy is just a monthly shounen manga, meaning its typical target audience is young boys. Like middle school to HS age. Though when I looq at the catalogue and what I've read from it, I don't know why it baits fujoshi at a wilder rate than other magazines .... anyone else feel this ....

and to be honest, its not like its romance depiction is particularly adult or mature or dirty ? For everything in this genre ? I'd say its pretty mundane in a manga (or any fiction...) to depict possessiveness as an admirable trait, or true love making you do crazy things. I don't think any story really has to warn for that, it's only an odd recent western thing to especially care (which is why I don't know why they don't warn eachother, when clearly the summaries themselves won't ever). I mean, if that's why you're saying this ... its not as if depicting possessiveness in a lover is too scary or too extreme for younger audiences. No more upsetting than the whole 'murdering entire village' of Naruto (which was ig a good thing to do in-story). Plenty of sympathizing and admiring and glorifying wild things in this genre. Plenty of very 'cool sexy' bad guys to go around!

Not to condescend to people upset by it, I mean sometimes 'normative' or 'typical' or 'common' romanticized things can be the most haunting, something people dread when they walk into basically any story with romance. That sorta thing you gotta rely on your peers or friends to advise you on if you're wary of it. I gotta admit I'm a complete boring normie when it comes to this stuff :p I'm 30 and married and I love my possessive partner, and I love fantasies of love driving you crazy, and I love being locked up in a tower :Db I've always liked this kind of story.

[totallyjustabunchofhocuspocus]

Not only this, but halle-fucking-lujah, they gave Buck a love interest that feels like it has actual support--not the "He was a boy, she was a girl...can I make it any more obvious?" bullshit that was Natalia, Taylor and (to a SLIGHTLY) lesser extent Ali and Ana (whatever your feelings about Abby, you have to admit they developed that relationship). Buddie having female love interests doesn't bother me (pffft, I started 'shipping things back in the early nineties, Xena/Gabrielle was the absolute fucking closest we got to onscreen representation), but Buddie having female love interests that also make zero sense is irritating as fuck.

Taylor came the closest of Buck's love interests to being believeable, but I think they fumbled her introduction by priming the audience to dislike her and then trying to flesh her out too quickly with really cheap writing. Same with Ana. I'd be perfectly content to ship Buddie while the boys had lovely, fulfilling, heterosexual relationships onscreen with characters that are as fully realized as Hen, Athena, Karen, and Maddie...but they never gave us that and then kept showing us the Buddie friendship through the most romance-coded lense possible. Like, guys, what are we SUPPOSED to do with things like the kitchen scene and the card game other than assume these two gorgeous men are desperately in love?

Tommy and Buck makes sense (although, yes, I'm right there with Tommy in being like 'are you SURE it was his attention you wanted Buck?'). Tommy has the same questionable early interactions with our beloved 118 problem as Taylor did, but he's redeemed in pretty handy fashion before we get to the Buck/Tommy of it all, and more importantly, you can SEE why Buck would be interested. There is common ground aplenty, mutual respect, and if one is so inclined, one can look at Tommy and Eddie and be like, 'oh Buck, you have a TYPE, baby' (I am so inclined). And MOST importantly, we are instantly reassured that Tommy understands and respects Buck's place in the Diaz boys' lives and said Diaz boys actually think Tommy is pretty great too. Like...Taylor could NEVER.

You could see these two having a fun, sexy fling. But you could also see these two have a loving, meaningful relationship, and that's where it holds solid where the other relationships failed. Tommy does not have 'sexy lampshade' syndrome and it's refreshing as hell.

And that's not even getting into the really MOMENTOUS importance of a character realizing and exploring their bisexuality. A character doing so later in life. A character doing so after a lifetime of dating women. A character doing so who is also an incredibly popular, heartthrob main character. Like. Holy fuck.

Buddie has my heart, but I gotta say...even if they never follow Buck's bi awakening to what I HOPE is its natural conclusion (ie Eddie's house where he, Chris, and Buck are the happy family we all know they're destined to be)...like, if this is what we get instead, I ain't even mad about it.

No im not “grieving” Buddie, do you know how amazing it is to have queer/bisexual men representation in today’s media? Do you know how important it is for all of the community and the younger people watching this? This is a huge milestone and Buck’s sexuality is valid outside of any type of ship. Today we celebrate.

[jessiescock]

lion king franchise media only works if the lions are sexy. the cg realism takes were always destined to be dogshit bc they don’t seem to understand this core principle. Allow me to illustrate my point:

now the first movie is obviously very good, the lions are very sexy. so many characters who inspired a sexual or romantic awakening for their hordes of devoted fans. phenomenal movie, not exactly a hot take i know.

now the second movie tho, many ppl really like it even tho it is pretty bland and forgettable on its own, and very bad in its function as a sequel. that doesn’t matter tho because everyone wants to fuck Kovu. Everyone loves this awful movie bc they’re so got dam horny for the edgy hot topic emo lion. I would even argue that horny kovu fans are this movie’s most notable long-term impact on pop culture. So while it’s not a particularly outstanding film, it’s reasonably popular in its own right, fondly remembered by many, and did manage to have at least some kind of lasting cultural impact. all thanks to the sexy lion.

There isn’t really much to say about the third movie. it’s not even 80 minutes long, most people probably don’t even know it exists. I would say that it’s stupid and unnecessary and that no one asked for a Timon and Pumbaa backstory, but the scenes about them parenting Simba are actually really cute and funny and heartwarming and i’m glad that we have those. Once again, the sexy lion (im talking about adult simba here!!!) saves the otherwise pretty unremarkable movie from irrelevance and disdain. We’re starting to see a pattern emerge here.

Ok what else is there. There’s the Timon and Pumbaa TV show from the 90s. I gotta admit i didn’t really watch much of that, but i’ve been told that it’s funny. I also know they have Simba show up sometimes. Put a pin in that.

Ofc i can’t not mention the absolutely phenomenal live action version that offers a refreshing new take on a beloved classic: the stage musical. absolutely phenomenal both as a piece of theatre and as an adaption no notes. Ofc the lion characters in this one are also very sexy. With these last two examples tho it’s starting to look like the sexy lions are not necessarily the sole reason for lion king media to be good, but there’s definitely a connection here.

I didn’t watch Lion Guard because it’s a show for babies, but i know several kids who really like the show and it seems to be successful enough. Here again we have Simba being present as a character, and while I don’t have any hard evidence on this one I’m willing to bet that there’s a substantial amount of kids who have/had a crush on Kion. So I’ll say this one also fits into my theory here.

The stupid fucking 2019 CG remake exists purely as an afterthought to the original 1994 movie and has zero redeeming qualities. All the characters including the lions look absolutely awful. They don’t even look that realistic, like have you ever seen a real lion? they look a million times cooler than those awful soulless beasts. Understandably enough I have not seen anyone being even remotely horny for those vile creatures. And that’s quite a remarkable feat considering they got fuckin Beyoncé and Donald Glover as Nala and Simba. I think if they’d just used footage of real lions and let them do a voiceover over that, there would have been some freaks who get off on that. Maybe there’s someone out there who wants to fuck CG Simba, but as someone who seeks out a lot of lion king content and spent way too much time hatereading reactions to the 2019 movie, i have thankfully never encountered them. This awful awful movie may have brought in a lot of money to its greedy corporate overlords, but it has had zero cultural impact. Sure when it was announced and eventually released everyone had a lot to say about it (mostly about how much it fucking sucked) but as soon as the novelty wore off everyone just forgot about it. I have watched this movie and there’s not a single scene from it that i can even remotely clearly recall. There were some memes about how awful it all looked when it was new but those all quickly went away again. I don’t think there’s anyone who enjoys this movie without at least some kind of connection to the original. Yea it made a lot of money and stirred up some controversy but now 5 years later no one gives a shit about it anymore. and there’s no sexy lions anywhere to be found.

[toutallyahoe]

Dear, you need to stop exposing yourself. How am I supposed to friendly bully you if you keep doing it to yourself? =P

jk, love you. Anyway, cause I have actually seen a RE2 playthrough and remember like maybe 5% of it, please do give me your nsfw thoughts on Leon.

pairing(s): leon kennedy x male reader

warnings: cursing, nsfw content ahead

a/n: cn, daeling, i literally am trying but unfortunately i have half a braincell and asdagjsjdkfjdjdfafa *sobs* 😭😭😭

but anyways, i think someone asked for my hcs on leon's kinks awhile ago but imma just compile it here like i did with ethan's as well 😌😌😌

also, i still havent finished re2 yet so adsgjskdkdksldkjfksjdjf

leon is affection starve (whether he admits it or not)

and that he has a bit of an abandonment issues

but anyways—

leon is affection starve. period.

he didnt knew it at first until you came along and made him feel love and adored for the first time in his life

this leads to him wanting more physical contact while having sex

as well as him having a praise kink

call him handsome, pretty boy or your baby boy and this man will go soft

just praise him please

or have your hands roam and touch his entire body while whispering praises on his skin

but back to the physical thing

leon needs to have your hands either hold his hips in place when you pound into him

press yourself close to him and remind him that you are right beside him please

leon adores getting praises as he gets fucked

mate pressing is definitely his favorite position btw

he just wants you close

leon is also very much into biting, not from zombies or anything, but he wants to be marked by yours

mark him as yours that when he wakes up in the morning and see the hickeys and bites you left on his skin

it makes leon smile and reminded what happened with the both of you the night before

leon loves you so much and will sacrifice everything for you

which is very sweet of him really

but anyways, more nsfw!!!

welcome home sex is a must due to leon not liking on leaving you alone

especially if leon comes home from a very long job and just wants to forget everything in the world besides you and fucking him hard

you both also mostly have sex either into the living room wall or floor because neither of you couldnt even wait to go to the bedroom

welcome home sex is much more desperate and passionate sex than the usual soft ones you guys do and it mostly a bit more kinkier as well

when you do managed to get into the bedroom though, its really just the same as you fuck him to the floor but at least its soft to slam him there lmao

anyways, teasing leon is fine

he is a bit into foreplay but just dont make it too long or else he'll go power bottom on you even if he is tired af and his body is begging for him to rest

but teasing, yes

teasing and commenting on leon for probably touching himself while he was away with the thought of you fucking him isnt really anything new to you both

leon wouldnt actually masturbate on a mission but he sometimes thinks about it and really tempted since he gets hot and bothered by thinking about you being there and help him blow off some steam

unfortunately for leon, you arent so reasons why the welcome sex is a must

you gotta make up for being too damn sexy to almost make him touch himself in a life or death mission you know!

also just edge leon's pretty ass that has him begging for you to let him cum and fill him up to the brim and make him reminded that he got fucked good please

leon wants to be filled by you and fuck him good that he'll remember it until he goes back for another mission

youre his fuel basically lmao

also, choking

just choking yall

leon gets off to you choking when you both get kinky

which isnt that rare tbh since most soft vanilla you guys do almost always ends with some nice spice added in the mix

anyways, leon loves the way your hands wrapped around his neck and occasionally squeeze to let him know youre in control

he just loves being breathless by you fucking him basically makes him turn on more

he is really into that

god, please choke him while praising how much of a good boy he is

in the end really, leon is just very happy to come back every mission with you welcoming him lovingly with a smile on your lips

[apuff]

ngl if there was a guy in my class who always had his hands clenched and acted strangely and leaned away from my and seemed to be in tension id just assume he had chronic pain

i get why bella as a character is ahead in school, as it allows her to be focusing on ~interpersonal drama~ and ~misery~ rather than having to focus on learning

yaaas cemetry drive is playing

the dramaaa

bruh

this girl is like describing paradise

tbf after this she gets almost hit by a car bc of the ice but still

bellas like "ugh i got hit by a car and went in the ambulance so annoying 🙄 🙄 "

wait bella is popular now 😭

girl has EVERYTHING WHY IS SHE SO GLOOMY

dude mike is in love with her HWY DOES SHE HATE EVERYONE

i feel so bad for mike

hes actually pretty nice she just only loves special shiny vampire boy............

hmmmmm

the drama

SORRY WHAT ANOTHER BOY JUST ASKED BELLA OUT

WHY IS EVERY BOY SO INTO HERRRR

THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE

WHAT

ANOTHER FUCKIGN BOY JUST ASKED HER OUT????????

THE KID WHO CRASHED HIS CAR INTO HER ????

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

im annoyed with this writing choice but im not going to act like its not really funny

meyer deadass wrote "grrr" into her book like omg bella is just like me fr

i gotta admit this is pretty funny

first i was annoyed by the triple proposal in one day but i think that might actually be a dracula (lucy gets proposed 3 times in one day) reference sooo im less annoyed by it

the year is 2005 and making disparaging jokes about mental health is funny

OMG

BELLA GOT ASKED OUT BY EDWARD 😭

 IS THIS STILL A DRAC REF IDK

 well lucy turned it down twice and accepted the last time so her turning down 3 times and accepting last makes sense??

 idk why edwards being so wishy washy about her

i guess its that he needs to feed on her so thats why he acts rudely cause he doesnt want to give in,,,,,but he feeds on something else so his urge is satiated so he feels okay talking to her again??

anyways im sort of bummed out by how non-monstrous or magical these vamps are so far, i suppose anything could change since i'm only on like chapter 3 or something. but like. in drac the vamps are like people, but demons, scary and gross, but sexy, their bodies and age totally change when they drink blood, they have these frightening effects on the health of others, they hypnotize people, they feed on them, they turn into giant bats and dogs and even mist itself....... they can only work in the shadows (literally and figuratively), are totally nocturnal, they pick people off one by one, they sleep in boxes of their home dirt during the day, they crawl on the walls like damned lizards. they are weird asf.

 MIST???

 FORKS, RENOWNED FOR BEING WET AND FOGGY AND-DARISAY-MISTY??

 please myer do something with this..

 i get why edward wants to live here tho bc it's so wet and there's less of the sun...although im p sure in drac it's not just the literal actual sunlight but more the day in general thats bad for them....

 anyways.. i hope we get to see some crazy stuff with the vamps in twilight soon

 you now what also annoys me

 theres thsi literal 6 week timeskip

 and bellas relationship with the 2-5 people she hangs out with all day every day seems to have progressed 0 and she has no new feelings about them and doesnt care about them so she has any sort of complicated feelings about bluntly turning them down

 she only cares about edwarddddd

 this is so sinister

anyways i think the descriptions of edward are getting more boring by the second. ive been thinking more and more hes just ur average hot boy driven to angelic status by her crush on him NOT that he is unnaturally ephemerally beutiful already and shes just acknowledging that fact

please describe the way the darkness pools under his eyes and around his chin like the chiaroscuro of the old masters. please describe how his hair is thick and voluminous like a renaissance statue. please describe how he floats from place to place like a gliding angel. please stop just calling him beautiful

this is actually so scary if this happened to me id be calling the cops

i still think that sounds scary as hell but reading more i kinda understand the appeal... edward is old and scary and knows a lot, but bella is someone he cant read and she argues with him ON AN EVEN FIELD.. the power dynamics are still concerning but in the real of fiction it's a constant push-and-pull with a dangerous hot love interest. i understand the appeal. bella may be mopey but she has this fighty, independent spirit yo her. the fact that she fights edward instead of just acquiescing to him makes it less scary

HUH?? maybe i will get some of my wishes just the boring hot boy versions of them tho

blood type stuff..hmmmhmmhmmmm

HMMM

is edward gonna go shark crazy

also this sounds really illegal who just stabs childrens fingers randomly w/o their consent

what if they have hemophilia or a fear of blood or anemia or something 😭 bruh this teacher oughtta get fired

sorry bella can smell blood?? is she half vamp or smth??

okay im gonna stop it for this reblog because im getting really tired of pasting text from discord to google docs then fixing it then pasting it into tumblr then fixing it and i'm like a third of the way through my channel so i'm already afraid at how long this is going to take

i wanna read twilight just to see if its as bad as everyone says it is