#you get double the points for identifying with villains if you’re queer and jewish

[villainspo]

Thinking supervillainy is aspirational is queer culture, because that’s where the representation was.

That’s who we could see ourselves in.

When you come from groups that are vilified, and see yourself in the person that the movie or the book wants you to think is bad, it’s only natural to question the narrative.

Were they really so bad? They’re like you. Are you bad?

Or did they merely have the temerity to break the rules of politesse that govern respectability?

You know how hard it is to stay within the lines of acceptability or even recognizability that other people draw for you.

Were they only monstrous because that was the role assigned them?

Did they actually make some rather good points?

I’m so so excited for the kids growing up now who can maybe find themselves in the heroes, too.

This comic gets growing up with villainy as the dream—and then offers an opportunity for the vilified to explore heroism.

You can tell how deep this got me, because this post is spaced out so nonsensically.

Let’s make wonderful and terrifying things from our traumas.

Source: New Mutants (2019) #32, by Charlie Jane Anders (writer), Ro Stein and Ted Brandt (line art), Tamra Bonvillain (colors), and Travis Lanham (lettering and production)

[karliesbuzzcut]

So I don’t know how you guys feel about the ‘Realistic Kaylor Timeline’ that’s been doing the rounds on this corner of the internet. I’m guessing some of you might feel conflicted, others might strongly disagree with some parts of it - but do not worry. I’m here to tell you how to feel about it: you love it. Because it’s mandatory to love anything that can get such a feral reaction out of TTB.

Today I’m bringing you

Top 7 Moments from TTB vs. Swiftiesleuth 2020

Fair wairning: I’m going to be very biased - I’ve not made my adoration for @swiftiesleuth a secret at all.

1. TTB’s grand entrance. LLLLLET’S GET READY TO TUMBLRRRRR!

Her disjointed sentences already let you know she’s a bit shaken “FAKE NEWS! The author admits they do not have inside knowledge like I do! I have all the inside knowledge, they only have outside knowledge, which ew - it’s muddy outside, and there’s bugs.”

2. Married people don’t ‘bonk’ - they make respectful and dignified love to each other. Preferably from opposite sides of the room.

My favourite was definitely when she said “if you’re a queer woman then you should really think about how you talk”. I vote for unpacking this one.

That ‘if’ - because of course, TTB has to perform a background check on you before she allows you to join The Gays.

That ‘should’. Please, TTB, complete that thought for us. Why is it that, as a queer woman, swiftiesleuth should do something in particular? You are not implying that she has to be especially careful about her words because she’s queer, right? I mean, you wouldn’t 😱 you’re a Social Justice Warrior after all.

TTB doesn’t like to be called “dude” either:

Which is why I suggest we all start calling her ‘Our Dude’. She will be our collective dude. And we can all be her little Dudes! It’ll be delightful, I’m telling ya.

3. In the year of our lord 2020, TTB decides it’s a good idea to pull the “I can’t be racist; my best friend is black” - but make it Jewish.

On this one I want to take a bit of a more serious tone, so I’ll limit myself to only one fart joke. I had no idea there were circumstances in which you couldn’t say you ‘converted’ to Judaism. I genuinely love that this seemingly silly passtime of mine actually teaches me new things. Now, I’m going to take a wild-ass guess and say TTB didn’t know that either... but more on this coming up.

Right now, let’s all rejoice at her choice of saying “I have facts” and right afterwards “Kaylor is likely already married”.

Kaylor, the sole entity, is married.

4. TTB tells herself “You know what? I haven’t been racist enough today”

At this point, TTB has become a cautionary tale about what happens to a person when they get married to an idea. It’s genuinely scary for me to think that my brain could trick me to such an extent that I could no longer process information that contradicts my beliefs. Just imagine it, there’s something about someone else’s religion that doesn’t make sense to you, and you decide to draw your conclusions from there. Okay, cool. Then someone from said religion explains that thing that didn’t make sense. And your reaction isn’t “oh, I maybe I should think about that, this person clearly knows more than me about this particular subject”. No. Your reaction instead is “I am entitled to my beliefs”

ISN’T THAT TERRIFYING!?

But more importantly... Isn’t that fucking racist? Wait... what? You are saying that isn’t racist enough? You think TTB should’ve also said that people don’t get to be offended by a word ‘only because it has been used as a slur in the past’? And then suggest to the person who asked her not to use that word - a person who is directly affected by that kind of bigotry - to get a dictionary? Nooo, come on, that’d be overkill. We are not trying to build a cartoon villain here!

5. Whaler and TTB are disappointed parents.

Truly emps, how dare you have a mind of your own. We raised you better than that!

I loooove that this day and age a fucking reblog means unconditional support to the author of the post... I’d watch that Black Mirror episode.

6. Both swiftiesleuth & TTB leave the chat with a motherfucking BANG.

I thought that I had hit comedy nirvana when Swiftiesleuth asked if her LGBTQ flavour bothered TTB and I thought no way in hell would TTB respond to that. BUT SHE DID. Aren’t you glad to be alive to witness that? “I have no knowledge of your flavour” she says. Well, TTB, I have no knowledge of Swiftiesleuth’s flavour either, but I’m working on fixing that *double winky face*

BUT TTB was like “talking about someone’s flavour isn’t hilarious enough, let’s leave this conversation with my best material”. And reminded us all of the percentage of black people she has working for her. I wonder if she decided to do the maths right after assembling her team or after she realised she could use it as an argument. Either way, super normal behaviour.

Also, also. I’d love to know what she considers a minority “well... Gerald has a pet snake... that should bring my minority percentage up by a couple points”

7. Special guests!

You wouldn’t be able to tell by how late to the party I was, but this was a big event here on Tumblr. Everybody was there... I’m told. Because I already feel like I’ve been working on this post for the past decade, I’ll keep it short and cute.

In one corner we have whaler and swift-79,

Obligatory bulletpoint list about all the things I loved about this post:

It wasn’t enought that TTB questioned swiftiesleuth’s queerness. Whaler said “fuck it - I’m questioning this bitch’s name as well” “Nat?” “you don’t look like a Nat” “but if you insist on identifying yourself as a Nat...” “I’ll put it in air quotes though”

I’m sorry... “If we are judging from pictures”? Isn’t that all that Kaylors do in 2020? No. No. I’m sorry. You guys also have emojis, sorry!

“Even Enty has questions about his sexuality” 😱 What? Enty? A blog dedicated to posting a constant stream of celebrity gossip once said that someone, somewhere, might be gay? No! 😱

I think swiftiesleuth was accused again of working for Scooter? Conspiracy Theorists are so adorably predictable, every time anyone disagrees with them (worse if that person seems to have done some research) somebody has to yell “they’re working for the enemy!”

Anyway, time for our final guest: the lovely @youlooklikebadnews , who I could’ve asked to write this whole post for me because they definitely did a better job than me at summarising the whole thing. But not only that, they were lucky enough to get a response from TTB.

...At this point I’m fairly certain that I’ll get invited to a Secret Session before TTB ever acknowledges my existence.

Doesn’t this read like what the villain says at the end of a shitty movie? Teasing a sequel and everything?

“You have not seen the last of TTB! I’ll be back with more proof and no copyright issues! KARLIE AND TAYLOR WILL RISE! Then you will see! YOU WILL ALL SEE!”

*flourishes cape and disappears into the night*