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vraska-theunseen · 9 days ago

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its so sucks either way cause like im used to ppl she/her'ing me so im used to it it kind of feels like theyre referring to a seperate version of me overlaid on myself. irs really hard to type this post because i keep getting distracted by balatro hands appearing in my vision or out of the corner of my eye. anyway but then if i bring it up i have to say it sooo awkwardly and im always so nervous and then usually if theyre a teacher they try but i dont correct them when they fail either bc im so used to brushing it off and im so nervous about standing out and im not fast enough i dont process it quick enough to correct and when they do correct themselves i feel awkward in that situation too so im like whatever its whatever haha you dont have to apologize im not rlly pushing it. i know this is like buying into the transphobia i shouldn't care what they think of me i shouldn't believe in this entrenched ideas i know that its all not true but i just feel so stupid and frivolous at the thought of saying im nonbinary or i use they/them pronouns with a new environment of people cause im confident with other cool people who get it but with ppl i dont know in this kind of environment theres a stupid part of me that starts to doubt all my convictions that thinks that if i were to correct people definitively with i am a man or i am a woman then that would mean something that that would be more understandable and respectable bc they/them pronouns are nothing with no basis and they are all going to think im silly and obnoxious and maybe i am and then even if i make it past that i feel like they think im lying when i dont correct them. i only like going places with friends who will refer to my pronouns and everyone else in the room will pick up on that and if someone gets it wrong my awesome and nice friends will catch it for me i want everyone to know my whole pronouns and deal automatically and for me to never say it i dont want to draw attention to myself everrrrr unless im doing something really cool and/or hot in the midst of other likeminded people

shared my pronouns in my introduction to sociology class sooo embarrassing i haven't rlly done it at all in school cause what am i supposed to do get in front of the class and announce it but like there's 5 people in the class so the intros were pretty personal it's so small that im going to be asked to discuss a lot so if i dont get my personal perspective out of the way im going to fucking go crazy. anyway then when the teacher was listing topics we were going to discuss politics race etc he pointed to me and said "they-them pronouns" should i kill myself

#sorry and it's like. i feel so stupid complaining about this bc like yeah thats what being a trans person is like sticking out like a sore #thumb and being a target and being Other and the trans men and women i know don't get to like turn it off they just face this way more all #the time so i feel stupid even complaining about it i feel like sometimes i shouldn't be allowed to call myself transgender bc im so not #affected by transgender experiences and i dont feel it strongly enough to really be firm with everyone and i know thats stupid i knowwwww i #know all kinds of trans and nonbinary people who r all different but aaughhh augh aughhauggauu augha augu auauauaughhhhhhh augugucu ayauauau #i was just talking to my friend the other day and they were like i think i might go back to going by the name i was born with but im worried #people are going to judge or think less of me for it and i was like they can kill themselvesssss they dont get to tell you how to be #transgender and that's real why can't i apply that to myself

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firemenenthusiast · 6 months ago

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kinda random what if reader was a domme and had not only Jann as a sub but FARLEIGH also and reader makes them get freaky deaky with each other while reader watches 🌚🌚🌚🌚

or Farleigh gets to fuck reader and lowkey cuck Jann watches and can’t touch them or even touch himself and has to clean up the juices afterwards.....OOOOOORRRRR vice versa, oh I just knowwwww Farleigh would be having a fit but high-key like it maybe RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I NEED TO SPREAD MY POLY READER/JANN/FARLEIGH AGENDAAAAAA

hell, to spice it up even more throw Kai in there, he's the ultra king of freaky fucks out of all of archie's characters to me so I have a feeling the whole thing would have him in freak paradise me thinks 😼😼😼

im officially combusting juniperhasfallen i fear you are a freaking genius cuz all your ideas in my inbox are nothing short of absolute deliciousness WAAARRRBBRRHRHRH. oh how i love making all of them my sub cuz they be suubbbyyyy

warnings: 18+, porn w/o plot, no protection (which is very unethical in this situation), three foursome, p in v, sub!/dom! farleigh, sub!jann, sub!/dom! kai, blowjobs, cum eating, reverse cowgirl, m! masturbation, creampie, teabagging, men whimpering, whining, crying, edging, overstimulating, ruined orgasms, cuckolding, cumshots, cuffing

a/n: well isn’t this interesting

GET THIS. we all know how farleigh is willing to fuck basically anyone. and jann, is by default the sweetest sub known to mankind. but when you brought up the idea to farleigh he secretly got excited but pretended to hate it cuz he thinks jann’s a loser. also because he’s lowkey jealous with how sweet you are with jann. farleigh ofcourse had to get his turn first with you, making jann sit in the cuck sofa in the corner, forcing jann to watch you play with his cock at the edge of the bed, his arms propped against the mattress with his thighs spread far apart. farleigh wants to be all whimpery and whining while you tease the sensitive tip of his cock but when he remembers that jann’s watching, he contains his moans cuz it would be embarrassing. while jann sits pretty in the chair naked with his hard cock out, tip red and leaking with the vein on the side bulging prominently, farleigh makes sure that he watches with his hands obediently on the armrests, no touching allowed. eventho farleigh’s literally getting fucked over by you, his cock twitching and precum trickling down his length into your hands, he still manages to be an asshole towards jann who’s watching, saying things like “dont you dare look away racer boy, keep your fucking hands to yourself” farleigh’s just spewing mean orders to jann, who suprisingly, obeys whatever farleigh says.

jann aches to fist his length with his hands at the view of you bouncing on another huge cock but he has to behave, because you’re praising them both while farleigh is in you, telling jann how good of a boy he’s being just sitting there obediently, and how pretty he looks, and reminding him how good boys get rewarded. jann refuses to jeopardise his chance at an orgasm even though he’s close to cumming undone from cucking you and farleigh. he doesn’t want to end up being overstimulated like him, being edged over and over again by you, being stripped off from his orgasm repeatedly that his balls are starting to turn purple. farleigh’s whining, begging you to let him cum, his hips desperately bucking but still, he’s running his mouth at jann. “fuck—, you okay over there, mngh ? you’re so hard man, it’s pathetic” which gets him another ruined orgasm from you, for being mean to jann. guess he just couldn’t help it. jann is quiet, maybe too fucked with how hard he’s bucking his hips into thin air, desperate for some sort of relieve for his rock hard cock, bending towards his navel. every time farleigh would humiliate him with his words, jann would whine, tears threatening to spill from his pretty eyes. his balls are tight, full of cum, rubbing against the fabric of the sofa. “please—oh, please farleigh let me have her” being one of jann’s pleads amongst others that came out incoherent, sounding more like blabbers from how lightheaded he is, only for farleigh to respond with “shut your mouth”. at times farleigh would receive a slap across his face, as you put him back in his place. you would think that’ll shut him up but no, he’d let out a loud moan, enjoying being slapped that you can feel his cock twitch. jann almost cums when you’re cumming for the second time on farleigh’s cock, all while ruining his orgasm for the ninth time.

farleigh’s now crying from blue balls, his tip leaking so much precum, his hand desperately grabbing at your waist to aid the intense aching on his crotch, another hand over his quivering lips, his eyes red with droplets of tear clinging onto his long lashes. eventho he’s in that state, his mouth is still spewing humiliation towards jann, only to whimper again from you overstimulating him. “stop, stop- stop, stop please” farleigh would beg, shutting his eyes as you edge him over another waves of pleasure, only to rip it away again. you’d kiss down his body from his jaws, making sure to spend extra time licking at his nipple, feeling yet another orgasm coming from farleigh from his twitching cock. you bite at his nipple slightly harder before quickly getting up from his cock for it to instantly slap against his lower belly before ropes of cum squirts out of his raging red tip, so much of it landing all over his body, some even getting on his lips. he’s crying, hips bucking from the overstimulation, as you hear jann mutters a low “fuck—“. catching your breath, you smile at farleigh in his fucked up state, he’s too hazy to say anything to jann now, only being able to blabber strings of thankyou’s to you for letting him cum this time. while you watch him come down from his cries, your fingers trace small hearts with his cum on his chest, giggling at his limp twitching cock in front of your pussy. when you turn your head over to jann, he looks like a madman, having just watched his girlfriend fucking another huge cock that’s not his, all while he’s forced to keep his hands to himself by a brat he doesn’t even know why he’s obeying.

when you get up from farleigh to walk over and kneel before jann, your fingers carefully grazing over the length, an immediate spurt of cum shooting onto your face. you look up to jann who’s breathing hard, he just can’t keep it anymore, cumming with just a slight touch from your hand. you help him ride out his orgasm, though not as satisfying as he would hope for, atleast he finally gets to be touched by you. you continue to milk his cock, popping his balls into your mouth before sucking on them, slobbering saliva all over the skin. now that he’s allowed to touch himself, he’s tugging on his shaft while you suck on his balls, swirling your tongue over the soft mounds. he’s occasionally bumping his knuckles over your forehead from how hard he’s jerking his cock off. flattening your tongue over his balls, you grab his hand away before dragging your tongue from the underside of his balls to the head of his cock, finishing off with a suckle on his tip, swallowing the drops of cum decorating his cock, before pushing your head down to throat his length. the way you reward him is the exact reason he’ll always behave, because good boys get rewarded. and jann loves delayed gratification. “having fun, racer boy ?” you hear farleigh chirp from his place, sprawled out on the mattress, too fucked out from his turn before. “come here farleigh” you order, earning an eyeroll from him. “i said— come here”. you get up to meet farleigh halfway at the edge of the bed, climbing over him before grabbing his jaw to kiss him, giving him a taste of jann’s cum. he’s moaning at the taste, fingers kneading at the soft flesh of your waist. jann is breathing hard, his chest heaving covered in sweat.

how would i add kai in this mix you may ask ? while you’re fucking yourself on jann’s cock, farleigh submits to kai who’s also been watching the whole time, except he’s fully clothed in that navy blue shirt with his hands cuffed to the railing in the wardrobe. farleigh’s sucking him off, kneeling over him having to take it all with his hands over his head, depraved from the satisfaction of pulling at farleigh’s tight curls. wet sounds bouncing off the walls of the room pornographically, the four of you moaning against each other’s touch. jann is fucking into you reverse cowgirl, so you’d be able to watch kai getting a blowjob from farleigh, who looks like he’s having the time of his life. just as you can tell that kai is close, you tell farleigh to swallow most of it, keeping some on his tongue to bring it over to you, before spitting it into your mouth. he’s hard again, so you let him stand beside the chair and fuck your mouth while jann’s chases his orgasm, rapidly thrusting into your cunt. as you’re taking both farleigh and jann’s cock, kai is left still hanging on the railing, his cock limp with stickiness dripping from the tip onto the floor. he’s groaning, his knees threatening to give up yet his eyes couldn’t get off the view of you getting fucked by two cocks at once. “kai, baby- you wanna join ?” you deliriously ask with half lidded eyes, not even knowing where to fit him in the position. maybe after jann finish fucking his load into you, you make him get up and uncuff kai, plopping him onto the bed to ride him into oblivion.

and when you decide you’re done with all of them, they’re all gonna have to lie on the bed, cuddling with each other <3 who knows ? maybe kofun or ivo can join next time

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jinkicake · 2 years ago

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~ ♡ Dear Lover ♡ ~

a tiny peek into your relationship

(( Day #3 )) Diluc, Kaeya, Tighnari, Xiao x Reader

A/N: all i know abt this is that when i wrote it i desperately wanted fluff.... as you all know im not good at writing it but here is my attempt.... i love love love these four T T why am i soooo obsessed w fluff rn i dont knowwwww

WC - 2,839

~~~

. . .

Diluc R. treasures his intimate time with you.

The man has always enjoyed a quiet atmosphere, it brings him comfort that is akin to a warm blanket. Whenever he is in your presence, basking in the hushed ambiance of the winery, he feels the most at peace.

For a second, Diluc lets his eyes leave the book in one of his hands in search of something more intriguing. His hard eyes stare at you while his fingers continue their light strokes against your calf, your legs currently draped over his lap. You’re reading your own book and biting on the inside of your cheek at whatever is happening within the novel. Diluc can’t tear his eyes away.

There’s something about the way the afternoon sun is hitting your face and painting your body with a gorgeous golden hue, one so bright that Diluc thinks he needs to soon look away. He can’t, he’s always been selfish with you. His eyes find the subtle rise and fall of your chest and watch as you quietly breathe in and out, he’s certain he’s addicted to you.

“How much longer are you going to stare at me?” Your lips quirked up as you continue to stare at your novel, you don’t even have to look at Diluc to tell that he is staring. Almost instantly, his eyes dart to a random spot in the room as if that will erase his piercing gaze. “You’re distracting me, my love,”

Diluc’s breath almost hitches in his throat, he knows how much you despise being interrupted while reading. He almost starts to feel ashamed but then you close your book shut.

“Good thing I need a distraction, I’m bored with this, it’s a shame.” You face him with a pout, a deep expression that Diluc just wants to kiss off and his fingers twitch at the opportunity to touch you. All he can do is wordlessly watch as you get up and shuffle your position on the couch. Now, your head is in his lap as you play with the ends of his long hair.

Diluc’s book from earlier is now long gone.

“(Y/N),” Diluc murmurs quietly as his gloved hand traces your jaw, his thumb rubbing your chin lightly. There’s something that shifts in his features, almost darkening, as you tilt your head back with a smile. Your throat, bare for him, has always been something of a weak spot for Diluc.

He ignores the teasing glint in your eyes in favor of tracing one finger down the front of your neck. Before he knows it, his entire hand rests across the span of skin, his thumb now on one side of your throat with his other fingers resting on the opposite side.

“How was work today?” You hum and Diluc starts to find it incredibly difficult to focus, he doesn’t understand how on earth you are managing to keep a decent conversation with him right now while his restraint is slipping through his fingers.

“Work,” Diluc repeats, his low voice dragging the mumble out as he starts to gently squeeze his gloved hand around your throat.

“You know, the thing that you do every day? What did you do today?” Your teasing is getting the better of him, not that he would ever admit to it.

“What did I do today?” His words trail off as he lowers his face. Before he can stop himself, his lips find a home against your own without a second thought.

. . .

No matter who he talks to, Kaeya A. always saves his gossip for you.

“That’s why Hertha left him.”

The time that you spend gossiping with Kaeya is time well spent, time that you deeply cherish. You can’t help but hang on to his every word, practically in his lap as you eat out of the palm of his hand. It’s a simple exchange really, priceless gossip for some sweet company. This time around, it’s Kaeya’s revelation that makes your jaw drop, and, despite his sultry voice, the rumors he shares are all you can focus on.

“You’re kidding,” Gasps leave your lips as he continues to spill exactly what he knows and who told him.

If only everyone loved hearing petty rumors and took them as if they came from the morning newspaper. Sadly, it can’t be the same for everyone.

Diluc feels his eye twitch at the two familiar voices, hushed whispers that stand out amongst his crowded bar. He doesn’t even have to look over to see you and Kaeya with your bodies pressed incredibly close to one another. You’re nearly seating in his lap. The owner makes an exception, of course, because he’d do anything for his family. Family being you, not Kaeya. Diluc tries his best to stay on your good side, he’d hate for his brother’s partner to hate him.

“Well, I heard from Donna that Hertha was the one who cheated-”

But if Diluc has to listen to the two of you gossip any longer, he might just rip his fiery hair out. Day in and day out, almost every night the two of you come here and talk for hours until he has to kick you both out.

“Aren’t you a little busy bee? Did you find this out before coming here?” Kaeya softly coos into your ear, grinning at the embarrassed flush washing over you as you lean into his side. You place your chin in your hand as you lean over the bar, trying to wave down either Charles or Diluc for another drink.

“If you want to hear my next story, you’re going to have to finish that,” You point at Kaeya’s drink, almost as if you’re offended by its presence. Your husband is pacing himself too much for your liking and you don’t want to be the only one off your ass.

Diluc notices Kaeya’s full glass too as he slowly pours you another, the owner isn’t a fool. He knows his brother better than anyone and knows that Kaeya is a gentleman through and through. You don’t often drink heavily when you spend time with either of them but, when you do, Kaeya is sure to keep his drinks lighter than usual. It is a show of affection that warms the redhead’s heart, not that he would ever admit it. Especially not to you and your loud mouth.

You look so far gone that Diluc immediately scratches the idea of giving you another round.

“Diluccc,” Your whine makes the older man sigh as he pulls back the wine bottle from your grasp. Despite your efforts to reach over and grab the liquid gold, you fail because of a certain someone. Someone with strong hands who tightly grip your waist to keep you from falling over and despite their cold touch, you start to feel incredibly hot. “Kaeya!” You’re drunk as shit.

“You’re cut off.” Diluc takes away both glasses of alcohol before moving on to another pair that is sitting at his bar. He ignores you despite all your cries.

“No, but Diluc, you have to listen to this!”

. . .

Tighnari is an early riser and thoroughly enjoys getting you up in the mornings.

This habit of his is not by choice but, is instead something that he can’t avoid. Every morning he wakes up just before the sun rises and stares at his ceiling before any existential dread kicks in. Even when he doesn’t need to be awake for patrol or for anything of importance, the man cannot sleep.

Every morning, Tighnari gets a few seconds of peace before his entire body starts to ache. When his heart starts to feel a little too heavy, he simply rolls onto his side and looks at you.

You’re always buried under the blanket, tugging on the material that is laid neatly across his lap. Each morning your face is pushed up against the many pillows you have so generously decorated his bed with and, Tighnari’s favorite aspect of your sleeping form, there’s always a little bit of drool spilling past the corner of your lips.

He lifts his bare hand to wipe away at your mouth, gently thumbing over the spot before catching it with his thumb. It’s cute how your nose twitches at the slightest touch, Tighnari almost coos. Once he finishes staring at you and tracing your features until his heart is content, the forest watcher will force himself to get up.

His morning routine is very simple, get clean and ready for the day. Since Tighnari is the earlier riser of the two of you, he always does the favor of making breakfast. When he has the time, he’ll force you to eat a ka’ak or two before handing you your coffee. He’s not a fan of the smell but, he’ll do anything to see the excitement in your eyes upon the sight of your favorite mug in his hand.

Tighnari doesn’t shy away from the fact that he adores you. Why would he?

Almost like a ritual, Tighnari fills up your cup with hot water, mixing in the coffee powder, before sprinkling in a natural enhancer. It makes the drink sweeter and easier to drink in his opinion.

But sometimes, the sweetness gives him a toothache. He simply prefers not to drink it at all but that never stops him from bringing it back to your shared bed.

With a light hand, he places the mug on your side table before sitting on the edge of the bed. Tighnari places his touch against your lower back before softly pressing his fingers into your skin. It wakes you up just enough that you start to squirm but, you are not fully awake yet. The smell of the coffee will inevitably wake you up, it always does.

“(Y/N),” Tighnari and his soft voice call out to you like a light in a pitch-dark space. You instantly shift out of your slumber. “wake up.”

You swat at him with a groan and refuse to open your eyes. Every morning, it’s a battle with you.

“Wake up.” Tighnari tries again and this time, it is firmer. You blink the sleep out of your eyes and force yourself to sit up in one go. Almost instantly, your facial expression morphs into one of a frown and Tighnari matches your glare. He’s not going to let you get off easy. “Come on,”

He gently tugs on your wrist and tries to help you up, to shake any lingering effects of sleep that still have a hold over you. You ultimately ignore him and choose to instead place a gentle kiss on his shoulder.

Oh, how Tighnari loves his mornings with you.

. . .

Xiao cherishes his shared evenings outdoors with you. For as long as he has known you, the yaksha has enjoyed being by your side and always finds comfort in your presence.

Today, the karmic debt that looms over him like an angry cloud doesn’t feel as demanding because of you. Sometimes when you touch him, it’s as if the pressure is gone and Xiao can finally breathe. But then, he has to protect Liyue all over again.

And he’ll continue to give his life to it in order to keep you and the various others in his area safe.

So incredibly safe that you can walk around at night with no worries, you’ve always admired the stars.

“Are you ready?” You’re holding your hand out to him, a loose jacket hanging around your shoulders due to the night breeze. Xiao blinks and hesitantly places his hand in your own before you proceed to drag him around Dihua marsh. “Isn’t it nice out?”

In his thin attire, Xiao wordlessly nods. The weather never matters much to him, he doesn’t feel too cold or too hot but, sometimes he gets uncomfortable.

Right now, the air is perfect. The yaksha can admit it to himself and he almost closes his eyes to focus on the feeling. Whisps of wind fly past his ears and the feeling is too freeing, the burden on his shoulders feels lighter because of it.

Under the delicate touch of your hand, the duty almost feels nonexistent.

“What do you think?”

Xiao almost forgets that you had been talking. You were explaining some situation about your coworker, how you think that she has a secret partner and refuses to tell you. Regardless of whether or not he was listening, Xiao has no idea what to say.

“Think?” He repeats and you can’t help the way that you start to laugh. You squeeze his hand (and by association, the strings of his heart) as you almost start to double over due to your laughter. Maybe it’s the clueless look on his face or the slight furrow of his brows that has you so amused.

“You’re cute,” You gently wrap your arms around his bicep and press the muscle against your chest, both of your hands wrap around his own as you cuddle into his side. The new display of affection is nothing new, you always touch Xiao openly like this but, that doesn’t mean the yaksha is entirely used to it. Xiao nearly trips over his own two feet when he feels your cheek press into his arm. “well, do you think Yuhua has a boyfriend? You always know everything,”

Xiao bites on his own tongue to stop himself from admitting that he does not, in fact, know everything. Far from it but, he hates to let you down. In truth, he hasn’t been paying attention to the waitress closely. He has no idea what’s going on with her or her love life.

“I’m not sure.” Slowly, he answers you as if he is gauging your reaction. To his surprise, you inevitably sigh before bringing your eyes up to the night sky.

“That’s okay,” You comment and Xiao wants to ask if you really mean it. “I’ll let you know as soon as I find out. It will be soon!” He’s sure of it, with your determination, nothing stands in your way. The longer he stares at you and your soft features, the more Xiao feels something inside of him stir.

Under the bright light of the moon high in the sky, Xiao finds himself squeezing your hand back.

. . .

2023/02/05 ♡

#diluc ragnvindr x reader #kaeya alberich x reader #tighnari x reader #xiao x reader #diluc x reader #kaeya x reader #tighnari x y/n #xiao x you #genshin x you #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n

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embre-watsit · 25 days ago

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Guys pls leave your episode 9 theory's below (how you think it's gonna end)

《Here's mine》~

You know caine is going a little bit crazy? Yeah so I think he's gonna go full out crazy or something and he will make the adventures more crazy more at a time that's why the episode 4 adventure was gonna be another creepy adventure until pomni interrupted and how caine keeps glitching too so I think he's gonna make adventures so... well let's say even jax would be freaked out by the violent-sy so yeah and idk about this bit but I think during the future adventures she will bond with the other members and come to really like them so I think on episode 9 (finale episode) caine will go full crazy and the map starts deleting (or something) and idk really but I think pomni will sacrifice herself to stop caine from deleting the whole game (with the members in it) and Force saves them (I DONT KNOWWWWW) and the circus members wake up (irl) and pomni is stuck inside tadc forever (I KNOW IT SUCKS IM SORRY)

《(Rip my fingers it took me 15 minutes to right this)》

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #glitch productions #gooseworx #pomni #tadc pomni #glitch #theory #tadc theory

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dapper-nahrwhale · 2 years ago

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💀 didnt even get to play. Struggled with explaining the good society system for a few hours then the players gave up so. Well that's that then

Oneshot game is going. Bad. Only 1 player read the book of the game system and we even sent videos explaining it so that they didn't have to read the book that much and they didn't even do that so 😶 uhm

#sickkkkk ooooof thissss aaaa #b.text #i have decided to never try to do anything with this group ever again every single time i do. it never works.#and im out so much time and energy. that being said we still have put game on tuesday and #i knowwwww im never getting all players there. ugh. like. cmon #we tried for so long to explain the game to them. and you know what might have helped! reading the book!!!! maybe!#there goes everything ig. i just want a fun time witha. game but nooooo.#its not that hard! if ypu just read the bok! that we got! bt #ut no! you refuse and say oh we learn better hands on. apprec #apparently not. apparently if you refuse to read the book you dont learn it at all!!!! who cpuld have guessed!!!!!!!#me i did. ugh this wasa disaster. i tried so hard but like. like. cmon. at least meet me half way what even.#so. lowkey on the look to play with people who dont make it feel like pulling teeth is the preferable option.

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castiellesbian · 26 days ago

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to comment on what i said here

im one of those ppl who thinks that 1) dean's in-real-time reaction to cas's confession was very in-character and 2) both 15x19 and 15x20 were extremely out of character for like everybody involved.

jensen's acting choices notwithstanding, dean had previously been established as not necessarily emotionally stunted (because if anything HE is the one who always actually wants cas and other characters to come forward with their feelings) BUT at the same time he is very bad at dealing with other people's feelings IN REGARDS TO HIM. especially when those feelings are POSITIVE or absolving him of something he had done (<- hilarious considering how much plot armor he has in general, but that's another conversation). this is the same man who literally altered his own memory of how the purgatory escape went down just because he couldn't believe that cas would do that. like he'd rather believe it was his fault somehow.

in my perfect world where 15x19 and 15x20 were actually good and addressed the established issues and storylines instead of just creating new bullshit out of nowhere and just tossing any and all characterization and development out of the window, dean has a longer breakdown over cas's passing because in no way in hell does that actually work on him as something that makes him feel better about himself. like when dean refused to kill chuck because supposedly cas's words worked on him? i laughed! like sure. that's a good gesture, i guess. but dean was like in real time processing what cas was saying, the fact that cas was saying it, and the fact that it was cas's final words. (<- them not going to save cas is SOOOOO out of character but we've all already said it. but what is there left to do but to say it again. same abt letting dean just die in 15x20 but again. what else is there to fucking do.)

i think this is a very possible thought process for dean during/after the confession:

angry at himself for letting this happen ("i just led us into another trap [...] because i just needed something to kill, and because that's all i know how to do" <- most of castiel's confession is basically a response to this line. so if dean had not said that, cas's confession would have probably gone from a different angle imho)

resigned to their fate while still angry at himself ("everybody's gonna die, cas. everybody. i can't stop it." <- notice how he says i and not we and not sam and i and not all of us. it's literally just him. he absolves everybody else from this.)

shock at cas's news about the deal, but there is no time to really react to what cas is saying because he's saying MORE THINGS now.

processing the happiness aspect of it. processing the "one thing i want / i know i can't have" part.

"what are you talking about, man?" <- i dont think dean is actually confused about WHAT cas is saying, i think he just feels them running out of time.

NOW he has to like. process all the things cas is saying about him. and how it CHANGED cas. again, at the SAME time as he's processing that THIS IS IT. like, the final countdown.

wanna make a note abt jensen's acting here: there are a couple moments where he does that thing where his jaw clicks when he swallows because you KNOWWWWW dean wants to argue abt the things cas is saying but he isn't saying anything because of like the gravity of the situation and his respect for what cas is doing. even though he'd literally lock himself in the ma'lak box before actually internalizing any of the things he's saying. AND he's forced to keep eye contact the entire time.

"why does this sound like a goodbye?" <- it almost sounds like he's trying to make a joke because he KNOWS it's a goodbye but he wants cas to say it. no, wrong, he wants cas to say that it ISN'T but he knows that it is and he is giving him an out because hope dies last.

and he's ready to say something else before -

...

well.

cas confesses his feelings. i think it kind of clicked for dean during the monologue but actually hearing it out loud was like. the wax seal.

"don't do this, cas" <- don't do this for me, cas. i'm not worth it. we can find something else, we always do. we could die together. i can't lose you.

...CAS

.............................

and then of course dean sits on the cold ground for hours, ignores sam's call, and cries.

all that is to say. i don't think dean listened to cas say all this because he believes all of that to be true about himself, but more out of respect for cas and just letting him speak uninterrupted. he DOES believe that cas thinks this. but i don't think it's reached dean, or ever would, at least not in this show's continuity with the next two episodes.

dean is always processing the events through the reasoning of "what did i do", "what can i do", "what was my part in this". even other people's failures he considers his own, like even when he blames cas or sam for something there's an underlying note of "if only i had been better at looking after you" sentiment.

so after listening to cas spell out all the ways HE changed cas, how HE caused cas to fall (a separate shoutout to chuck in 15x17 for mentioning cas's rebelling in connection to saving dean), how HE let cas fall for him all just because of what he is... and how the happiest moment of his life, the thing that is about to trigger the deal for his DEATH, is all because of him... and even then, the fact that cas doesn't even believe he can have what he wants... like, cas believes all those good things about dean, and yet he's still not good enough for that? ("you can't even dream a whole dream, can you?" <- the holdovers 2023) either way, dean leads cas to his slaughter.

BONUS THOUGHT/STACKEDNATURAL: "i'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world. so if there's even a small chance that we can save you, i won't let you walk out of this room." / "oh, you think you have a choice"

TLDR: i think dean wouldnt internalize what cas said abt him in his confession for a long long time, but instead would actually blame himself for cas's death bc if dean hadn't changed cas then cas would still be alive bc dean thinks he ruins every single thing he touches and never actually let himself truly believe otherwise <3

YES like dean ALSO thinks the very touch of him corrupts.

I really like your point about how dean wants to argue but stops himself because he understands the gravity of the situation. he understands, even with everything else, that cas needs to say whatever he's saying. after all, cas isn't the kind of person who wastes time with no purpose. hell, he didn't even let dean say what he wanted to say in purgatory (15x09) because they were running out of time to get through the portal (funny how it always comes back around to portals with these two).

I do like dean's "that's not who I am" moment with chuck but I agree that it doesn't really work for that episode, or that timing. they didn't get cas back, he's barely been able to process cas's death (plus it's annoying given he's back to torturing in the NEXT episode, but I digress). even if they had done something with dean and jack maybe I could buy that character progression from dean, but they didn't and one episode is not long enoughhh and tbh kind of skips a few steps before dean would be able to absorb that part of cas's confession. even if we put aside the fact that they should have gone to rescue cas, dean's grief process should be like:

processing cas is dead

processing cas is in love with him

processing cas "not being able to have" happiness and what cas even means by happiness

processing cas has never been happy and the implications of THAT

processing like everything else in cas's confession lol

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