#you don't understand I NEED them to meet
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🏖🌊THE GLORIOUS SURFING EVENT🐠🏝
Aka my faves meet for my personal amusement
Set right after the events of Fontaine
Childe goes there to heal after his battle, Furina is there for therapy, and Itto won a lottery (ppl of inazuma paid for his vacation for a moment of rest🤡)
Furina and Itto are immediate besties (bond over cool animal facts and theatrics)
Childe suffers the entire time and is for once the least chaotic of the bunch
Feel free to add into this✨️✌️
#genshin impact#fanart#genshin#my art#furina#itto#childe#you don't understand I NEED them to meet#ushi the bugs and furina's goons vibing broo😭😭#The ultimate tea party#also for those who don't understand furina likes to surf
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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togachako really did get done so dirty by the series and a lot of the wider fandom, these two are literally the only two characters i give a shit about bc their dynamic is just so interesting
like the way it becomes a two way obsession and Ochako being forever haunted by Himiko, like Ochako literally admits Himiko's been living rent free in her mind since the night they met, Ochako being the only one who looks and really sees Himiko it just drives me insane
everything could have been different if she had just met Ochako sooner
but it's still bullshit they wanted to kill Himiko off when the whole point is that Ochako wanted to help build that world that would be easier for Himiko to live in, there WAS a place for her in the world Ochako wanted to help create and it's such a disservice to Himiko's character that her whole thing was that she'd been shamed and excluded and called a monster for something she could not help and killing her feels like the story shrugging its shoulders and going 'yeah they were all right to dehumanize her! she doesn't belong here and also she can't get better with help and support, better luck next time tho'
#vree chatter#togachako#i'm not over it there was no need to call her the cutest in the world#she did that because shes in love with her you cant change my mind#sorry i have more concise thoughts typically but when i go to write them down all that comes out is 'women good'#the tragedy of two girls pitted against each other because of the greater society around them pushing them towards it#and then the powerful act of defiance it was for Ochako to go No I'm here to meet Himiko on her level#because she realized she never bothered to try to understand why someone like Himiko would be doing what she does!!#why does no one else seem to comment on the fact that something unbelievably fucked up must be going on#for a teenage girl like Himiko to be acting the way she does?#it's because they don't even see her as human but of course of COURSE another girl can look at her and go 'i see you'
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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something about being in an online game makes you want to personally give every tank player who's ever lived a kiss on the lips
#we don't deserve you tank players#million smooches to all of you#God that feeling when the tank chooses YOU to hover around bc you make the most dmg and aren't actively suicidal <3#And I usually player a healer so I never meet tanks bc I'm already the roaming role#but on the rare chance I pick a squishy glasscanon mage and get to experience being protected by an astute tank#oh boy suddenly I get why people waged wars to prove their love#yeah it makes sense. You took that hit meant for me? I'll murder everyone on the map for you. You big buff babygirl dw about it#they indulge me and let me lead them around the map like no baby you're the tank you move and I'll follow you to the end of the world!#Ig they're used to dps going off on their own and having to babysit them which yeah Ik that feeling very well from my support days-#But I'm different I promise my beloved tank! I'd never lead you astray! I'll wait for you to agro and hook first I swear!#I won't let greed consume me....except if I'm close to a kill in which case you understand don't you? The dps needs to be a little risky#if we play it too safe then we will never get an edge#☆other#no I'm not back on league...I'm just...visiting yeah
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i truly don't understand how people can get really into a fandom without seeing all/most of the material involved. how are you doinf that
#i do Not understand reading fic where i don't know the characters. doesn't matter how well-written the characters are#who are these people. idk them. i can't get attached to Characters without Meeting Them. in their natural habitat. thee original story#the Text. you could call it#idk what if i hypothetically loved a fic and then looked at the og media and didn't like it at all. hard to explain#To Me. fanfic and meta (im excluding art bc im not immune to pretty picture) have to be built off of the story like. they're attached. i#can't see it as seperate#i want to engage with media and Then be insane about it idk. fandom only experience feels like. storytelling lite#many beloved mutuals are capable of this. i don't get it at all. godspeed but What#like i understand u get the gist of the canon story thru fic and fandom in general but i need to get In That Canon#im elbows deep in the legos bin of the canon always
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hot take: i need spideypool and lokius to go on a double date.
#you guys don't understand#i need to see these four together like i need to see lokius with aziracrow#loki and deadpool bickering across the table#mobius and spider-man shaking their heads fondly#getting heart eyes when their partners are getting excited about something#loki realizing he has a lot of things in common with deadpool#that they've both been seen as villains#that they haven't been dealt the best hands in the game#i mean wade was a mercenary before he even became deadpool for a reason#and loki was ostracized by his father and other people around him his whole life#loki was ripped off his timeline and wade was ripped off his autonomy after the mutation#but in the end they got to meet people who believed in them when no one else did#mobius saw a good person in loki even though he knew him the best#meanwhile spider-man did the same for deadpool after getting over his preconceptions and knowing him#this is canon btw google spider-man/deadpool comics#they've found comfort in each other through the pain#and anyway. i just think it'd be really neat#more than that i need loki to be in deadpool 3#deadpool#loki#spider-man#wade wilson#peter parker#loki laufeyson#mobius#mobius m. mobius#lokius#spideypool#deadpool 3
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did i tell you i went to the concert and got a zer0 hug,,
You didn't 💥💥💥💥 damn you Americans ... Wish that were me
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Hey as a super introverted but not shy person I'd just like to say the jokes about extroverts "adopting" introverts to "get them out of their shell" are actually completely unfunny and it just goes to show how little respect a lot of y'all have for the fact that we genuinely don't want excessive social interaction and that y'all are forcing us to do something that brings us extreme physical and mental discomfort because you perceive our introversion as a failing rather than as purely a difference in personality.
We don't need your "help" to socialize. We're not children. We're simply not interested in spending every waking second of our lives talking to people and being talked at in return.
#again i scream from the rooftops that there is a monumental chasm between being shy and actually being an introvert#a shy person is someone who's afraid of social interaction. an extrovert can be naturally shy.#a shy person can WANT lots of social interaction but simply have not learned to feel comfortable in social situations.#people who are just very introverted simply have little desire or capacity for excessive human interaction.#we're not “afraid” of it. we just don't enjoy it and it wears us out.#you don't need to swoop in and save us because we can't handle ourselves. we're perfectly fine thank you#extroverts are constantly demanding that we get out of our comfort zones but few of you are willing to make the alternative more comfortabl#if you're a very extroverted person please do not take it upon yourself to jokingly “adopt” introverts you meet.#it's not funny and it's not helpful. it's irritating that you perceive our quietness and low social battery as something that needs “fixing#we won't miraculously learn to love and be comfortable with excessive human interaction. that's not how we're wired and that's OKAY#i'm honestly getting so sick of the “the lonely introvert and the extrovert who adopted them” memes#i can guarantee you that if you are an extrovert who operates this way then your introvert “friend” is actually probably very uncomfortable#and just don't want to say anything because they think it would be rude to bring up the fact that they don't want what you want from them#this does NOT mean extroverts and introverts cannot be friends nor am i saying all extroverts are annoying or that they all do this#i'm simply saying that if you are very extroverted and you have a friend who's very introverted#then it's on you to be aware of your introvert friend's limited social battery and STOP pressuring them to just “put up with it”#don't spend every second with them constantly talking. be willing to spend some time just in the quiet.#be willing to let them bow out of something if they're exhausted and are low on social energy.#don't expect them to want to come to every meeting or party or get-together because it WILL drain them completely.#be willing to let them spend time alone when they need to to recharge.#letting an introvert cool off and recharge when they need to is ALWAYS going to make social situations less stressful for them.#PLEAAAAASE take their feelings into account and understand that they do NOT perceive social interactions the way you do.#most very introverted people do not find socialization relaxing or invigorating. they don't do it to unwind#they have to unwind AFTER lots of social interaction#that's about it. thank you and good night
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i love panic attacks immediately after waking up
#i checked my schedule for the week after next and im only scheduled 17 hours#so now i have to sit down with the team lead who makes the schedule and explain to her i will be fucking homeless#if she even works today#but like did i do something wrong i feel like im being punished#I can't physically or mentally handle two jobs while also in college i just can't#god I've been such a nervous wreck lately too i really don't want to have to sit and talk ab my hours like this#they said when i was hired that you put in your desired hours and they'll do their best to meet them#now I'm worried im gonna have to go somewhere else and i really don't want to i like it here#i just need to get enough hours to survive and it doesn't seem like i will#i really hope i can talk to her today and she gets it. like I don't care over work me im used to it#but i will always be happier at a job when i know it will pay my bills#i just hope she's understanding i think maybe she just misunderstood when i said i had school and thought i wanted to work less#so hopefully i can convince her to give me longer shifts on the weekends
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Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )
#And Kouyou!!!!#Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀#King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen”#I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years–#but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like#“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the–#protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb#But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you.#Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime.#I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?”#I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green.#Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to–#engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color–#that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white.#What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws–#because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil”#Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before–#and will probably keep happening?#I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk.#This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about–#how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive–#their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment#I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes–#that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize.#Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol#random rambles#This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late
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i think all business owners should have to spend 50% of their work week doing the actual job they're supposedly overseeing. since it's all apparently so easy, and they could do so much better. and also then kill themselves.
#people will buy a company that's part of the public health and safety sector and go 'lol is anyone going to gut this industry like a fish?'#and not wait for an answer. while using stupid baseball movie metaphors.#<- vince that seems like a really weird thing to be annoyed about#i need you all to understand that the owners of my company do not like baseball.#they spent an entire meeting talking in baseball metaphors they don't understand because they felt it made them seem personable#because they're fucking econ majors who seem to view the world entirely as a game where if they press the right buttons#they'll unlock the 'loyalty and devotion' setting in their workers and profits will soar through the roof#which simply CAN'T be that hard to do. since we're all dumb hicks who never went to college (to get a REAL degree)#just throw enough fishing/sports/camping metaphors out at us and surely we'll be won over.#sorry work has been. irritating. lately.
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i genuinely think people on the left (both democrats And leftists) tend to underestimate how people (who would probably otherwise agree w/ whatever points you're making) are gonna be Far less open to hearing what you have to say if you talk to them like they're stupid
#how hard is it to meet people where they're at. and like Not be patronizing?#how well do you really understand something if you can't break it down and meet somebody halfway w/ it?#and honestly this is a problem i used to have (and still do have depending) w/ democrats (despite being a democrat lol bigass tent)#sue me. i think people are mostly good and open to changing their beliefs if you don't approach them like uneducated morons#but online is just. omigodddd. how are you gonna convince Anyone that you're better or moral if you're an asshole?#like the people who Really Need to hear what you're saying?#some of y'all couldn't build a modern day rainbow coalition to save your life w/ how obsessed y'all are w/ ideological purity'#can't even talk like a normal person and not label people either an enemy or an idiot for Maybe having different experiences#and it's Insufferable. lol.#rambles
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thinking abt like. if you introduce someone to something you're into and they're like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably tickled that they dig it and are seemingly a kindred spirit at least that far; if you then introduce them to another thing you're into and they're again like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably still pleased but also perhaps guiltily wondering whether they know any other adjectives; and if you introduce them to a third thing and yet again they're like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably asking yourself, was any of that affirmation actually real or is this person just so reflexively accommodating that they've been turning off whatever independent critical faculties they possess in order to play a better yes-man???
(for values of 'you' that primarily mean 'me' obviously)
#just thinking a lot this week abt like. on the one hand i SO deeply need people to be kind and exhibit a readiness to be pleased#and i'm so relieved and grateful when i encounter that energy#but like. on the other hand i need to feel like i actually meet your standards‚ not like you don't HAVE any?#like. if a golden retriever wants to be pals it means nothing. if a cat wants to be pals it means everything#and like. if we're being honest i'm very very very picky abt. everything. i was going to specify areas but. it's all of them.#i just try not to actively be a dick abt it to anyone's face bc i think that's really important#(and like. i did a slightly less good job of hiding that in certain ways this week than i probably endorse so i'm thinking abt that)#(like i think the problem is that it always feels v important to be clear abt my tastes/Who I Am bc i want to be Understood)#(but like. sometimes ppl just aren't the sort of people who are going to Understand me and i need to get better abt cutting bait)#(and prioritizing courtesy abt their tastes over clarity abt mine in those cases)#idk. have very extremely not resolved the tension between my various values here#basically like goldilocks i need everything to be juuuuuust right which like. perfect IS the enemy of good and i know it!!#but at the same time like. it IS better to be alone than to be with people who chafe you raw.#but maybe eventually if you let them sand you into a new shape it'll be good? but. feels bad to be sanded.#anyway. strongly suspect this is not actually a coherent post i'm very sleepytired#this week was really really challenging and left me with a lot of food for thought. also some pie
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im still thinking about yesterday when after the cinema i mentioned than when i get home i'll help one girlie from uni with her project because she's stuck to which one of my friends asked why am i helping some random girl instead of my roommate
#the thing that actually angers me the most is that first and foremost why should i do that#my response was that my rommate is not doing this project#but to be fair it's mostly because i always feel after helping her#takes my help for grated and can't even say thank you. zero understanding for the fact that i forfeited my free time for her#when i get the choice to help her or someone who yeahvi know only briefly but who is genuinely trying and it just doesn't work who asks for#help and thanks for when it's given to them then i don't mind going for the latter person#me helping is my good will and putting on the second plan my own things to do and my free time#the least i expect in return is understanding of the fact that i decide to spend this time on that person to help them#and not laughing it off or treating as some minor thing well it wasn't a minor thing to me#especially that when i need help i don't have anyone and have to take time to find solution myself#to be fair i don't know if im more angry or sad at this point#im slowly coming to a conclusion that i actually don't like being around my friends and don't like how they treat me#but i so don't want that to be true that im still trying and each time it turns out the same#sigh#the lady in those development/therapy meetings said that i should change people around me but easier said than done to be honest
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Having a real autism moment over the idea of doing fieldwork
#my brain just produced the thought 'they should have a class that teaches you how to talk to people before you go to the field'#sir i don't think anyone else needs that class. i don't think the people are clamoring for bulletpoints and flowcharts of social interactio#i'm just. i don't. i don't know how to do it#i can make friends fine when we've been in a protracted situation of working together but when i have to go out and meet people???#a thing you guys have to understand about me is that i WILL just stand and stare at people like the autism creature for 10 min straight#and then walk out of the room without saying anything more#or like i will start a conversation and then i will just Not Know What To Say#and like yeah it's social anxiety maybe but it's honestly more that i can't figure out how to have normal conversations#anyways. i am anxious i will say that#like i'm really excited too and i really want to meet cool people and work with them on developing the project#but also i am not sure how this is going to go. hmmm#maybe i should have just majored in cs and sold my soul. at least then i could be weird and off-putting in peace :')#(<- should not have done that. it is good to make attempts to be social and not put myself in a bubble)#perce rambles#this makes very little sense but you can ignore me i'm just having A Moment
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