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gigilberry-wips · 2 years ago

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Hello naughty children I’m back with another Hiccunzel meta post and this one’s even longer. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I’m going to preface this by saying that this relies heavily on my personal interpretation of them and their psyches. For me these two feel like my personality split into two people so that’s the kind of behaviors and thought patterns I’m basing off of - so if it feels out of sorts with the general interpretations or your views of them, well, now you know why 😂

The thought that struck me is this: Rapunzel is Hiccup's first introduction to ✨ Moe ✨ as an applied practice.

Naturally, with him being where he’s from, he wouldn’t have grown up with it and in a modern au he’d know about it as a technical concept. But then he meets Rapunzel and it’s like:

Hiccup: says something generally sarcastic/snarky/gallows humor

Rapunzel: "Noooo don't be so mean 😣🥺🥺"

Hiccup:

Hiccup: "What tf is this what is this feeling I feel what-"

He's never met someone like her, who's so cutesy and fluffy and sunshiny (pun intended) and it makes his brain go "wtf is you?????"

It’s like how I reacted when I met one of my friends on the rotbtd discord. "Why are you so bubbly all the time where's your darkness I don't understand how you function you are not making sense to me I'm going to bite you-"

Except where with me the tale ends with abject horror as I realize I'm staring at my clone, Hiccup's is just.....bafflement, and fascination

And then comes the tsundere tactics, where he tries to repeatedly prod her to test her brain. Because logic brain dictates that if you don’t understand something then you study it, and if you grew up not being allowed to openly express yourself and your interests then this data gathering is done in round-about ways.

For Hiccup this includes starting lines of topic that he knows will get a reaction out of Rapunzel, things that she’ll most likely disagree with. Test the limits to find the limits, right? Each time this quickly devolves into arguing, debating even. And the thing is, at some point one or the other of them grows to enjoy it.

Because see, Rapunzel is smart. Not just book smart, she can think objectively, and convey clearly and concisely exactly what she's thinking when she needs to.

Once she catches on to Hiccup's way of arguing a point, she gets the hang of it and does it right back. Because even when his point is different from her, it feels like he's taking her seriously and that she's supposed to be proving something. And she's not about to just let him and his logic steamroll her out of sight!

And then suddenly Hiccup is impressed and he did not see that coming 😂

It’s like this meme I found on pinterest:

Just flip that around for ENFP Rapunzel and INTP Hiccup and you’ve got it.

Like I'm imagining it, if I ever met a golden retriever type guy my first reaction would be "wtf is that imma poke him." And then "OH NO HE'S SMART"

Worse than that is that once Rapunzel gets to know someone, she knows them. Just like that scene in her movie where she confronted Gothel, when she finally understands what someone is like she's on it no questions asked.

There's no hiding from her. She won't miss a trick. She will not hesitate. She is so much the antithesis of a tsundere that it's enough to terrify all tsunderes in a 100 mile radius. You’ve got a snarky guy who was raised not to openly show affection and a empathetic girl full of openly expressed affection and what it leads to is a comedy of errors.

If Hiccup wanted to be discrete or shy or hide his intentions, it doesn’t work because Rapunzel goes directly for the kill:

Hiccup: *sees Rapunzel is struggling*

Hiccup: *quietly gives her a help*

Rapunzel “Heart Eyes” Corona: "AWWW you are SO SWEET you are SO KIND YOU CARE SO MUCH AND YOU'RE SO NICE-"

Hiccup, who has not received a compliment in his life: "FDGBKMG NO"

Rapunzel: "I LOVE YOU"

Hiccup: "NO"

Rapunzel: "YES"

Hiccup: "S T A H P"

Even if Hiccup tries to hide behind snark, or sarcasm, or deflection, it’s already too late. Rapunzel sees through it immediately. 😂

All of Rapunzel's responses come with such empathy and openness and genuine feeling put behind them and it makes Hiccup short circuit because none of his logic prepared him for confronting how much of himself he hides from other people, growing up with it for so long that it's become a part of him.

Rapunzel's very existence opposes all that he's come to know of the community he was raised in. And yet there are so many things about her that he finds familiar in him - curiosity for the world, artistry and creativity, deep intellect and too many thoughts to process

It's just that those similarities come wrapped in an empathetic core that's unlike any other he knows. She's similar to me but she couldn't be more different. Rapunzel's a mirror image created from a different substance matter and experiences the world in a completely different way, kind of like how Toothless does, in a metaphorical way.

(And this suddenly gave me the image of like, a little Hiccup creature made of stone and covered in lichen meeting a Rapunzel who's made of wind and light, and they somehow fall in love)

It's fascinating and strange and exciting and fulfilling - getting to know Rapunzel feels almost like an adventure. And knowing her for many years is like finding a new little detail every now and then on a well read map - there always pop up things about her that surprise him no matter how long he knows her.

#hiccunzel #hiccup x rapunzel #rotbtd #rotbtfd #rise of the brave tangled dragons #rise of the brave tangled frozen dragons #rapunzel #rta rapunzel #tts rapunzel #rta #tts #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tangled the series #hiccup httyd #hiccup how to train your dragon #httyd #how to train your dragon #hiccup horrendous haddock lll #hiccup haddock

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 3 years ago

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Hello, Em! I was wondering if you would mind helping me find my type? I’ve narrowed it down to the Si-doms (slight margin of error for the IFP types, but I don’t see enough evidence for Ne or Se to be sure), but from there I’m having a hard time determining which fits better. I feel weakest when I don’t have much structure, and at work, I can be a bit of a pain because I’m always asking for clarification on new tasks. In college, I always felt like the vague assignments where the instructor (1)

doesn’t actually tell what they want were the worst. Most people see me as the logical one in the group. I think part of why I’ve maintained that image is that most of my family (especially my mom’s side) has never learned how to deal with their emotions well, so they try to always joke or become sarcastic. I’ve always gotten along with my dad’s family because I never feel like I’m being used as some sort of verbal target practice. I’ve never been good with expressing how I feel and prefer to (2

show it through actions. Whenever I’m dealing with family, I’m always honest (or else just quiet), and even when I’m talking to someone I don’t know well, I have a hard time softening the blow. I try, but it’s not something that comes easily. I’m typically relieved when someone else can take over dealing with people because I hate having to deal with people when they get upset. I typically take a quick dislike to people I think are too dramatic, but as long as they’re nice I can get over (3)

it fairly quickly. One of my favorite things about my boss is that he always asks how I’m doing when I come in in the morning and he always willing to jump in and cover shifts if he thinks someone’s not feeling well. I also have a difficult time with people who jump into things without thinking. One of my major issues with my mom is that I sometimes feel like I’m having to constantly re-plan things around her last-minute decisions. One of the things that my dad always points (4)

out as a weakness is that I’m too nice to people. I have a really hard time saying no to people, and I can be really easy to guilt trip. I’ve been pulled into a lot of things I really didn’t want to do because someone else talked me into it. A few years ago, I went with a group to an amusement park, and I got dragged along on things that I hated, all because my cousin asked. Even on the occasions when I have stood my ground, it’s taken a huge toll on me to know that I’ve disappointed someone (5)

I’m often torn between what others say about me and what I actually think. Every time I rediscover MBTI I get sucked into this endless loop of trying to somehow make sense of all the things others have said about me, what I think, and how it fits into the system. I was trying to pick a college major, I was constantly asking others what they thought would be a good choice, because I genuinely didn’t know what I wanted. I knew things I didn’t want (marketing psych, which I felt were mercenary) (6)

but I was torn between what I felt I ought to do (something that helped others) and what I was really interested in (history). I never thought of myself as good with people, but most people I know tell me that I come off as very sweet and likeable. Maybe not warm, but approachable and unintimidating. I tend to come off as studying people and waiting to judge them, even though there are some things where I just say NOPE and it can take years for me to change my mind. (7)

I did that when I first met my sister’s now husband. I thought they were rushing things and I was pretty upset over how much my sister had changed after they met. I’m still warming up to him, but he seems harmless. I’ve never been one to share my feelings with other people, but it can be so helpful to at least see them written out. I typically will have a decent idea of what I feel, but writing it down helps me really understand it and see when I’m really just being silly. Thank you!! (8)

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Hi anon,

This absolutely sounds like ISFJ; I would rule out the Fi-Te axis completely given the emphasis on what other people want and their opinions and I suspect the only reason you considered high Fi was the commonly-found, but in my opinion incorrect statement that Fi users are more private with their emotions.

Your conclusion of high Si seems right; you have difficulties with spontaneity and prefer clear, specific instructions, and prefer to observe before making up your mind though can be very slow to change it, and this post has a lot of very concrete examples.

As mentioned the strong emphasis on what other people want, at times to the exclusion of what you want, and placing a high value on social niceties seems clearly like Fe. Not all high Te users are sarcastic but I've found a lot of them (myself included) are at least very comfortable with it/don't mind a little verbal target practice as long as they can return it to sender. ISTJs (and other TJs) are also typically far more comfortable turning down requests from others and tend not to rely on others quite as much for personal decisions or self-assessment, especially since it sounds you're either towards the end of your college career or shortly post-college and would probably have at least some capacity to use tert Fi if you had it.

One thing I've thought about a lot regarding FJs and being "the logical one" is that I do think self-assessements are sometimes erroneous, but also, especially if you're in your early-to-mid-20s and especially if you have a more spontaneous friend group, an ISFJ very well might be the logical one. Maybe not in the academic sense of logical, but in terms of common sense and making decent life decisions, yeah, an ISFJ will probably outdo most ENTPs even if the latter's Ti is higher, because a lot of behaviors motivated by Si and Fe (caution, consideration for the feelings of others) are smart things to do in terms of like, living life. It's less "logical" than "reasonable", but that's a pretty nitpicky distinction on my part. Plenty of deeply logical people are actually wildly unrealistic, because people don't behave logically, so the actual reasonable thing to do is, well, behave like an ISFJ and take past behaviors and relevant context and how people might feel into account.

#mbti #isfj

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antiloreolympus · 3 years ago

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4 Anti LO Asks

1. Does anyone honestly think Minthe is going to come back? She’s a star witness against them and Persephone just physically disfigured her. I doubt she’s ever going to change her out of her plant form, tbh. Rachel seems cruel enough to have Persephone either destroy the plant all together, or plant her in a tiny garden to be stuck in forever than actually let Minthe be free of the torture Persephone is putting her through. Rachel clearly hated the Minthe centric episodes too (which going off her editor was probably their idea anyway), so the more they just torture and/or ignore Minthe the happier Rachel will be. The only case of Minthe coming back is for some more petty drama, but it’s more likely they’ll just forget about it after all of an hour of being concerned.

2. you know what sucks? apollo was having upward momentum in the past few years of people discovering his queer romances and people begging for apollo/hyacinth retellings and then rachel came in and killed all of it by her nasty, lied about r*pe plot to make persephone's actual r*pist look better and her fans infesting any greek myth tag/group so no one can talk about apollo positively without LO fans ruining it. Thanks for killing growing hope around LGBT+ greek myth content, rachel! thanks a lot!

3. What I don’t get is Rachel claims LO is all about “reclaiming” female sexuality and it’s like ok, where though? Because she shamed women for choosing not to have sex and had them ousted as liars anyway who were totally having sex the whole time and they’re stupid for even thinking they could lie without it (Athena and Hestia, maybe Artemis too), she shamed women for having consensual sex but (gasp) they weren’t married to the man in question! (Aphrodite, Minthe, etc), and though she maybe could have had a point about how cheating is bad, she only condemns Minthe, Thetis, and Leto, but Hera can happy cheat on Zeus all she wants with his brother (who also shows no qualms about it and cheating on Minthe as well) and still frame her as good in it, but everyone else is bad? What?!

And especially with Persephone. She shows some exceedingly conservative, christian views that Persephone can’t even look at any other man other the man she will marry, and any sex she had outside of him must be made into SA because again, why would a story about “reclaiming” female sexuality actually let women actually control their sexuality? Such as having consensual sex outside of the designated love interest? Don’t be silly. She cannot be a young woman who has had experience and a life outside of hades, it just can’t be! More so, as she is now in therapy, Persephone’a main concern is not trying to work through her genuine trauma, it’s only making sure she’s sexually available at all times for him as a wife (a requirement hades quite literally told her! And Persephone felt shame and doubt about!) and that’s it, you know, like a tradwife is concerned about. Persephone doesn’t care about her body as her own nor even considering that she as a woman with autonomy has the right to say NO, she only cares if hades can get off sexually with her and that she doesn’t disappoint HIM. Rachel doesn’t even let her think “hey, maybe Hades, my perfect grandpa of a boyfriend, will understand my boundaries and respect my choices to not have sex when I’m not comfortable”. No, Rachel drills home that Persephone MUST ALWAYS be open to sex with him, and she better get over her very real sexual trauma now or else Persephone will be replaced! Being sexually available is her main purpose as a wife, doesn’t she know? Hades said so! She can’t work out her issues for herself, she has to do it so Hades can have sex with her and Persephone doesn’t fight back or reject it! It’s all incredibly nasty, and frankly a right wing reactionary’s dream of a comic. It’s basically an unintentional psych-op of claiming to be this progressive, feminist piece being given to millions of impressionable young girls to shape their views of relationships and sex when really it’s more conservative and regressive than any conservative school or church gathering they could ever go to.

4. What I find very frustrating about LO is Rachel wrote it that everyone looks down on Persephone for being a “stupid village girl” (which doesn’t make sense given she’s a daughter of a big six traitor and literally an olympus champion in a bunch of competitions as well as the face of her mothers company) but? Rachel made that their society? She’s the one who purposely made ALL of olympus and the underworld (and likely Poseidon’s kingdom too) into modern metropolises with huge emphasis how much better and advanced they are over mortals and Demeter who still rely on the land and are thus “behind”. Even in Persephone “growing up” is not her doing anything she’s comfortable with or bringing nature back to their lives, it’s becoming as minimalist and “modern” as Hades and everyone else. Minus the one tree she grew, she has to entirely forgo who she is and her nature (quite literally) to be “accepted” by everyone else. She cannot be herself, she has to be what she’s expected to be. You can’t frame it theyre bad for judging her for being more nature based, then make a point that she should leave it all behind and she’s better off forgetting it to be modern and devoid of nature entirely? Why even make it a this or that battle anyway? Why can’t they live in harmony? It’s clear she has a positive bias towards modern everything and a negative one towards nature, but this is just ridiculous. Rachel, you’re going to seriously shame farmers and nature itself? Really?? Even hades is myth was a lowkey farmer! He has chickens! Cmon!

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lo critical #lore olympus critical #anti lo art

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edwardsmate4ever · 4 years ago

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The Phone Call

Note: This outtake is a companion piece to Chapter 4 of Visions Interrupted, but it can be read as a standalone too. What happened when Bella called Rosalie in Breaking Dawn?

Read it on AO3 or FFN, or just read it here!

The Phone Call

Emmett POV

“I might be...pregnant.”

I listened to Edward get on the line, his voice panicked as he questioned Carlisle whether such a thing was even possible.

Bella’s pregnant? Damn, son, what?

First thing that crossed my mind was whoa! Edward must have some super spunk or something. Was he some kind of undiscovered sex god? No fucking way. That kid was a hundred and he never even kissed a girl until Bella. He had absolutely nothing on me. If anyone was a sex god; it was definitely Emmett McCarty Cullen. This whole concept was kinda blowing my mind. Maybe Edward didn’t have to be a sex god, maybe any male vampire could do it. Maybe I had super spunk too, and if Rosalie were human… Could I have done that to her?

But Rosalie wasn’t human, and I couldn’t knock her up. A baby was the only thing she ever wanted in the world. And now, of all people, Edward was getting one. My girl was not going to be happy about this. Turning around to look where she stood behind my seat on the couch, I saw a motionless statue. Her face was a mask, but her stillness told me everything I needed to know. This wasn’t just angry Rosalie. I knew how to handle angry Rosalie. No, this was the face that scared me. This was jealousy and rage and hurt all rolled into one, and I never knew exactly what to do when she got like that. My girl was roiling[1] inside, and when she came back to herself, she was liable to bolt any second.

When he hung up the phone, Carlisle turned to look at the four of us. The look of panic on his face rocked me to the core. This man was unshakeable, and here he was, completely at a loss for what to do. The others felt it too, and my anxiety spiked with all of theirs before I felt Jasper try to calm us. He wasn’t that effective though since he was just as fucked up over this revelation. We all stared at each other for a few moments before Rosalie sprang to life. She crossed the room, heading for the door. “I’ve got to get Esme,” she murmured before taking off at a run. I was pretty sure that was an excuse. I knew she was hurting and she wanted to be alone. But I also knew that even though she always said she wanted to be alone, sometimes she actually wanted someone to hold her and tell her everything would be all right. I was pretty sure this was one of those times, so I followed her out the door.

I caught up to her quickly, and when I was a few yards away from her, she turned and fell into my arms. I clutched her to me, wrapping her up in one of my famous bear hugs. Pretty sure I’d hugged everyone in my family this way at least once when they felt really low, so I knew from experience it would help. And it did; her body went slack against mine, and she wept tearlessly on my shoulder. I buried my face in her hair, my own still heart in my throat.

Having her own family was what Rosalie was longing for when she died, and that desire held strong into her second life. How many times had I desperately wished I could give her everything she wanted? It was damned hard knowing I could never fill that hole in her life, that it would eternally hurt for her. The fact that Bella was going to experience what she so desperately wanted was devastating. She already didn’t like Bella for choosing to give up her humanity. On top of that, now she was going to get the only thing Rosalie ever wanted and could never have.

Pulling back from her, I swiped away her phantom tears with my thumbs and brushed her hair away from her face, bringing my hands back around to gently cup her face. “Rosie,” I whispered. “Let’s leave. We don’t have to stay here. We don’t have to watch.”

My girl inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled, steadying herself, and I could feel the last of the tension leave her body. “Yes,” she said. “That’s perfect. I think we should leave immediately. They’ll understand if we disappear.”

I nodded. They all knew what this would do to Rosie. They’d probably encourage us to go. Crooking an eyebrow at her, I offered, “Denali?”

“At first, yes,” she said, nodding thoughtfully. “But then let’s find a place we’ve never been and go there.”

“I love it,” I assured her. This was going to be awesome. Get away from all of this, just the two of us. As much as I enjoyed Bella’s presence in our family, the girl brought a lot of drama with her everywhere she went.

As she gave me a shaky smile, her phone began to ring. It was a jarring and unexpected sound at that moment, and it startled us both. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and read the caller ID on the screen.

“Edward?” she exclaimed. “Why the hell is Edward calling me?” She sounded pissed off, and frankly, I kinda felt that way too. Unfortunately, it wasn't that weird to imagine Edward rubbing this in her face in some way. Sometimes that teenage assholery just came out of him, I think without him even realizing it. At least, not until it was too late. Edward was capable of some pretty cruel shit, but I didn’t think he would sink that low. This was probably really important if he was calling her now, when he knew goddamn well she would be upset.

“Aren’t you going to answer it?” I prodded.

She huffed. “I can’t imagine I want to hear anything he has to say.”

“Just answer it, Rose. If he’s calling you now, it has to be important.”

Knowing I was right and hating it, she flipped open the phone, pressing it to her ear, and begrudgingly answered, “Hello?”

“Rosalie?” The voice was definitely not Edward’s. “It's Bella. Please, I need you to help me.”

She wanted Rosalie’s help? Our gazes locked, and my girl’s eyes were just as wide and shocked as mine were. “What do you need, Bella?” she asked warily.

Bella’s voice was hurried and whisper-quiet. I had to really focus to hear her end of the call. “Please, Edward’s afraid. He thinks it's bad, that it’s going to hurt me. He wants to kill our baby. He'll do it too—Carlisle is on his side. I want to keep it, Rosalie. The baby is good—I feel it. I know I can count on you to understand.”

Rosalie’s eyes widened even larger which I really didn’t think was possible. But her eyes never left mine. I watched as fear turned to resolve, pushing aside all doubt and confusion. “Yes, Bella,” she said firmly. “I'll help you. You can count on me.”

“Thank you,” Bella whispered with reverence, then she quickly said, “I've got to go," and the line went dead.

Slowly, Rosalie closed her phone and slid it carefully back in her pocket. Our eyes were still locked and I'm sure my doubts showed in them. I didn't like this. It wasn't going to be good for my girl's psyche. “Rosalie, we were leaving...”

“I know, Emmett. But weren’t you listening to Carlisle and Edward’s phone conversation a few minutes ago?”

I shrugged and shook my head. “No, I was distracted by Edward’s super spunk.”

She rolled her eyes like a champ, but a smile crept onto her face. She couldn't resist my dumb jokes; no one could. It was my superpower. She quickly sobered though. “Seriously, Emmett. They were talking about aborting it. They think it’s a demon or something. They want to kill that baby, and I won’t stand by and let it happen. Bella wants me to help her keep it. She knows I’m not afraid to stand up to them. I won’t let them strong-arm her.”

“But babe, you hate her.”

“We’re not friends, and I don’t like her. But this isn’t about Bella and me, or about me trying to get back at Carlisle and Edward, this is about standing up for someone who can’t stand up for themselves. Standing up for something I wholeheartedly agree with, and she knows that. She didn’t call me because we’re BFFs. If she wanted that, she would have called Alice. What Bella wants is to keep her baby, and she knows I will protect this baby at any cost.”

“But Rosie, what if this isn’t really a baby?” I tried reasoning with her. “I mean, I don’t know if a human and a vampire can have a real baby.”

Rosalie shrugged. “If Bella thinks it is, that’s good enough for me.”

I was really afraid this whole experience was going to break my girl, but she was committed. I knew better than to think she would be swayed. Still, I tried one last-ditch effort. “Edward will fight you. Carlisle will too.”

“No, they won't, because I have you to protect me.”

“Of course you do, babe,” I said and wrapped her up in a hug so she wouldn’t see my face ‘cause I wasn’t so sure I wanted to fight them on this. I thought they were probably onto something with this whole monster thing. No way did that petrified, rehydrated vampire spunk create a baby like Rosalie and Bella were thinking it would be. Edward’s spunk was from 1918 and vampified! That can’t be a good thing.

“Come on. Let's tell Esme,” Rosalie said, pulling away and grabbing my arm, unaware that I was having a crisis of morality over here. “She'll be on our side.”

Only I wasn't so sure I was on her side. As we ran to the cottage, I did my best to compartmentalize my emotions. I had to put the scared and nervous feelings in a box, and pull out the strong and stoic bodyguard persona. I wasn’t used to covering up my emotions. No point with an empath in the house.

Empath, telepath, fortuneteller—all the gifteds thought they owned the place. And the worst part was that the two of us and Carlisle and Esme encouraged their egos by being lazy and relying on their gifts too much. Me and Rosie felt like second-class citizens in our own family a lot of the time. That was one of the reasons why we honeymooned so often and for so long—it was just more relaxing not having to watch everything we said, or did, or felt, or thought even.

Now, instead of getting away and feeling every fucked-up emotion that Rose had every right to feel, she was going to have to gracefully face it all head on. Although, I supposed it was possible there really was a baby inside Bella, and if Rosalie was able to help Bella keep it, maybe Bella would let her help raise it. And that was it—the light bulb moment. I knew then that was the reason Rosalie agreed, as painful as her emotions were. Because in the end, there was a chance Rosalie would get her wish, the baby she always wanted. Even if Bella had to die for her to get it. And I was going to have to stand by and support them, no matter what happened, whether it sat well in my stomach or not. I loved Rosie and only wanted her happiness. After the circumstances of her human death, she needed to be able to trust me fully if our relationship was ever going to work, and I always told Rosalie I’d do anything for her. But this? This was tough to swallow and went against everything my head was telling me was right. My head knew this was wrong, but my heart was dedicated to my Rosie, and I would stand by my vow to give her the world, even if I didn’t like it.

The cottage was in sight and Esme stepped out to meet us, a smile on her face that quickly faded as she took in our dark expressions.

“What’s going on?” she asked, worry clouding her normally easy tone.

Rosalie just laid it out on the table. “Bella’s pregnant, Edward wants to kill it, but she wants to keep it.”

Esme’s mouth dropped open. “Pregnant? How?” Then she gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. “Oh! You don’t think she and Jacob…”

“Wow, Esme. I’m surprised you took it there,” I praised her, holding my hand up for a high five, which she did not return, leaving me hanging.

“You’re worse than Emmett. Too many soap operas and reality shows,” Rosalie teased her. “But seriously, no, Edward’s the father. He and Carlisle want to take it out of her. But she called me, Esme. Bella stole Edward’s phone and called me when she had a few minutes alone. She asked me to help her protect it. She's afraid of what they'll do.”

Esme gasped again with shock and she looked like she might faint if that were possible. But when I saw that same resolve I saw in Rosalie’s eyes forming in Esme’s face, I knew Esme was on ‘our’ side. She was thinking baby, not monster, just like Rosalie. The possibility that it was anything other than a baby probably never even crossed her mind.

“Will you help her?” Esme asked Rosalie.

“I told Bella I would, and I will. It's her choice, not theirs, and I’ll fight for her right to carry this baby. Will you help me?”

Esme stood up straighter, her chin jutting forward. “Of course I will.”

“Do you think you can convince Carlisle not to abort?”

“I do.” No hesitation. Of course not. Carlisle would do anything for her, just like I was doing for Rosie.

“Perfect. We have to act like nothing is up when we get back to the house. Edward doesn’t know she asked for help—it was a covert move. We have to act like there’s nothing amiss.”

“No problem.”

Apparently, I wasn’t going to be consulted. It was clear that my opinion didn’t matter. They never once even looked at me as they plotted. I was a man, so I had no say in this. I was only needed as a shield, and that’s what I’d be. Anything to make Rosie happy, to get her the only thing she ever wanted. What kind of mate would I be if I didn’t? Still, my conscience was eating at me, not sure what this thing was going to end up doing to Bella. She was pretty fragile. What if she ended up dying? What would that do to my brother? Would he hate me forever for standing by my mate? This shit was fucked up, and the only thing clear to me was how long we’d been gone.

“Ladies,” I interrupted. “We should probably get back. We’ve been gone a while now. We were only supposed to be telling you what happened and bringing you back. The phone call took some time.” I didn’t mention Rosalie’s breakdown, and she shot me a grateful look.

“Well, if anyone asks, we’ll say I got upset, and you two had to talk me down. That sounds like a plausible explanation for why we’ve been gone for a while, doesn’t it?” Rosalie and I both nodded. “Good, let’s go then.” With that, the three of us raced off to the main house to face whatever came next, bound to protect what some of our family was bent on destroying.

Extra special thanks to @palmofafreezinghand for being an awesome beta for this and VI

#Emmett Cullen #Emmett POV #emmett x rosalie #breaking dawn #missing moment #outtake #twilight #twilight fanfiction #look at this gorgeous man

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swordlesbean · 4 years ago

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This is an excellent interview with Noelle that, among other things, really digs into Adora’s psyche and character arc. The Adora relevant parts:

io9: So, let’s start at the beginning. When we first catch up with Adora this season, you can really see that she’s in this distinct emotional headspace that’s almost as if she’s grieving She-Ra’s death, you know? When you first started mapping out this chunk of her arc, what was it that you really wanted to hammer home?

Noelle Stevenson: Adora’s always gotten purpose and meaning out of her life sort of by being told what to do or told what her destiny was. And so when we first meet her when she’s still a force captain in the Horde, she just kind of believes intrinsically in her mission and in what she’s been told by Hordak and Shadow Weaver. She has this crisis of faith that really shatters her worldview, but at the same time that shattering comes as part of her realizing that she has a bigger role to play in how the future’s going to turn out.

io9: Right.

Stevenson: I wanted to emphasize that almost immediately, Adora was trading one obedience to a destiny for another, and she’s really grappling with that throughout the entire series in different ways while her friends are constantly reminding her that they’re there for her, and she isn’t in this fight alone having to carry everyone. They’re all trying to let her know that it’s OK to show weakness or asking people for help.

io9: Do you think she ever really learns that?

Stevenson: Honestly, I’m not sure. I don’t know that she ever fully internalizes it because she’s always falling back on “This is who I am, this is what I do.” As much stress and anxiety as that brings her, I also think it brings her comfort because on some level she’s confident that she knows what her purpose is, what her job is. Finding out that she’s not only not the kind of hero she expected herself to be, but also that she, as She-Ra, is a living weapon and a source of destruction, again it’s the profound crisis of faith. So at the beginning of season five, she doesn’t know who she is and so she’s grabbing on to whatever she has left, which is like, “Well, I have to save the world and I have to save my friends, that’s all I know, and I’ll keep doubling down on that no matter how much pain it brings me if I can just keep taking every hit.”

io9: Adora’s evolved into so many different kinds of leaders over the course of the season as various situations have really required her to step out of her comfort zone. What about season five Adora really resonated with you in terms of, like, being a leader that people have had to depend on?

Stevenson: Adora’s journey’s always been so personal to me because, not only the crises of faith, but also entering into a situation and expecting it to be a little more simple and straightforward that it’s actually going to be, and then actually realizing what it means to have people who rely on you. For me what they meant was realizing that there are these moments where you have to understand that strong as you might think you are, sometimes you don’t necessarily have the skills you thought you did. Sometimes you’re not prepared for how difficult the task at hand is actually going to be.

io9: Was that how you felt when the show was first starting?

Stevenson: Yeah, when I started showrunning, I was so young and had a lot of faith in my own energy and ability to take hard knocks, but what I didn’t account for was the amount of mediation and management that I would called on to do, and that so many people’s quality of life and career paths were going to be hinging on decisions that I made. That was just so incredibly difficult to deal with at first, and I feel like my journey has been parallel to Adora’s in a lot of ways. The moment when she shatters the sword, it’s a huge step for her and it was for me too, because she’s letting go of the concept of being the perfect person she’s supposed to be and taking the next step to be like “Well, I’m not that person. I can only work with what I have and try to be the best version of myself.”

io9: But to your point, you can tell that Adora still has a lot of difficulty just accepting that.

Stevenson: Right, and she doesn’t quite acknowledge that it’s a core flaw in her character. She still thinks that it’s always better for her to get hurt than for her friends to get hurt, she’s convinced that it would be better for her to die than for her friends to get hurt, and honestly, she’s kind of been trying to do that for a while. I think when you’re under that kind of pressure, it’s easy to put your own well being last or to offer it up as a sacrifice. But obviously that’s not what people need from her, you know?

io9: They don’t need her to get hurt.

Stevenson: They love her and want her to be around. They want to help her and they want her to help them. What Adora’s really struggling with is this idea of equity, I think, and honoring the decisions being made by the people around her because yes, they’re all taking risks, but that’s their decision to make, not hers.

#adora #spop #she ra #spop s5 #meta #'she’s convinced that it would be better for her to die than for her friends to get hurt'#'and honestly she’s kind of been trying to do that for a while'#noelle what gave you the right to say these things

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rjhpandapaws · 4 years ago

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A Hand in the Matter

Ch5: I May Not Know You Well But...

//Warning(s): implied obsessive-compulsive behavior, graphic-ish description of a depressive espisode, and poor self image.

Gavin wasn't the best with people, he never had been. Social cues were hard and he tended to miss them anyway. So, he couldn't exactly be blamed for the amount of time it took him to realize Richard wasn't his usual self. They'd known each other a few weeks and hung out pretty consistently, be it to study or just kick back at Gavin's apartment. In the past few days, the silence that accompanied Richard seemed heavier. The joke of tall, dark and brooding now seemed less a joke and more of a new normal. Gavin was at a loss.

Richard wasn't exactly the most expressive person. His smiles were little more than a slight curl at the corner of his lips that Gavin quickly learned to look for. It was rare for them to show in his eyes. Gavin had seen that smile once, three weeks ago at the cafe when he had signed his order for the first time. Since then Richard had been more withdrawn. Gavin had believed it to be the usual of Richard playing his cards close to his chest, until today. Today Richard had cancelled their study session, and the ones after.

Gavin: we still meeting at the cafe today?

Gavin: asking because I'm running a little late

Gavin: you're gonna need to grab the table

Tall Phcker from Psych: i think you should find another tutor

Tall Phcker from Psych: its nothing personal Gavin.

Gavin stared at his phone in shock, in the hall outside his apartment, grocery bags on his arm and probably looking like an idiot, but he didn't understand why this was happening. They were friends right? That couldn't have just been in his head.

Gavin: was it something I did?

Richard had said it wasn't personal, and Gavin wanted to believe him, but this had come out of no where. Gavin shook his head to clear it, he had things to do today. He could manage studying on his own, probably. He opened the door to his apartment, calling a greeting to his cat before heading to the kitchen. He set the bags on the counter and began to unpack them and put the contents away. He tucked the plastic bags under the sink.

Gavin checked his phone, but he had no new messages, no explanation for the sudden cut off. He sighed and grabbed his backpack and flopped onto his old beat up couch. He put the backpack beside him on the couch, taking up the spot where he would normally find Richard. Pushing that thought back down where it belonged, Gavin fished out his textbook and flipped to the chapter they were covering that week.

Richard had suggested reading the chapter over first, giving it time to sink in, and then going over it again to take notes. So Gavin settled in to read, playing music quietly through the smart speaker on the end table. He made progress, for a while, but at some point it devolved into him just staring absently at a diagram, none of it registering. He was drawn into his own thoughts, trying to pick apart where he had gone wrong. Trying to figure out what he had done that had caused Richard to pull away from him.

Richard at least seemed to enjoy talking with him, or, at least listening to Gavin talk. He would respond with dry jokes of his own from time to time. Whenever Gavin started something it turned out he couldn't handle Richard usually came to his aid, pulling him from fights, or playing peace keeper, and on occasion simply being damage control. Outwardly at least, Richard hadn't seemed to mind, but Gavin was beginning to worry that maybe he did. Richard was calm and quiet, a constant to Gavin's rowdy and combative, and he had probably decided that Gavin was too exhausting to keep around. He was violently startled out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating loudly against the end table. He had messages from a number that wasn't in his contact list, which was odd.

3132483175: is this Gavin?

3132483175: my name is Connor. Richard is my younger brother.

3132483175: I would like to talk with you

3132483175: if you have the time that is

Gavin read the texts, and then read them again to make sure he had read them correctly. He added Connor to his contact list before replying.

Gavin: hey

Gavin: is Richard alright?

My Name is Connor: I was going to ask you that actually

My Name is Connor: he has been acting very distant the past few days and I can't figure out why

Gavin: you and me both

Gavin: he sent me a couple texts earlier one saying I should find another psych tutor and the other saying that it wasn't anything personal

My Name is Connor: hmm

My Name is Connor: my break is almost over. Mind swinging by Hand Brewed Hope so we can talk?

My Name is Connor: I'm off at 3

Gavin: alright. See you then

Gavin stared at his phone for a long moment. Then scrolled to the top of the short conversation to read through it again to make sure that it had actually happened. Richard hadn't pulled away from just him. He was happy for a moment, but that was soon eaten alive by guilt. Connor was clearly worried. Enough so to reach out to a stranger to see if they knew anything. Reassured that it (probably) wasn't his fault, anxiety gave way to worry.

What was it that was hurting Richard so badly that he would withdraw from Connor? He'd spoken of him in such high regards before, that they had seemed close. Richard had been at least opening his messages, even if it was just to clear the notifications. It wouldn't hurt to send another.

Gavin: text Connor please, he's worried about you

He sent it before he could worry if he had stepped out of line. Even if he had, it was from a good place. If he didn't ever come to talk to Gavin again, he at least wanted Richard to have Connor to lean on. He didn't like the thought of Richard being alone, even the most composed needed someone to lean on when things got difficult.

As it turned out, time flies when you're worried. He didnt get much more studying done and by the time it was creeping up on three o'clock, Gavin was grabbing his jacket and keys for the second time that day. Has he headed down the hall to the lobby he shot Connor a text.

Gavin: headed your way coffee boy

He eyes his motorcycle in the parking lot for a moment, but decided walking to the cafe would give him more time to gather his thoughts. He wasn't sure why Connor wanted to talk. Mutual worry seemed to be part of it, but it also felt like Connor was trying to do damage control.

In a way, Gavin was doing the same thing. Trying to gage what was wrong and see what he could do to fix it. He just couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe with Connor's help they could get it figured out and try and get a handle on it.

It was after three by the time he arrived at the cafe. He scanned the place for Connor and found him at the corner table where he and Richard sat to study. Connor met his eyes and waved him over. There were two cups on the table, when he sat down Connor slid the bigger one over to him.

"Thanks." Gavin said trying to relax some in the chair, "So you wanted to talk to me?"

Connor was still in his work uniform and his expression was friendly, but the worry was still showing through, "Yeah. If thats okay. You're a friend of his and he thought he might have told you what was wrong, but since he didnt I thought we could compare notes on what's been going on."

Gavin took a drink for the sole purpose of stalling the conversation, at least the drink was his usual. "That makes sense. I didn't notice until a few days ago, but looking back on it, it started just after the day I first signed my drink order. He seemed really happy that day, but after that he started pulling away from me."

Connor nodded keeping his eyes on Gavin, but it felt like he was looking through him rather than at him, "He really seems to like you. I've never seen him go out of his way to interact with someone before."

Gavin took a moment to let that sink in. Richard didn't seem the type to have a lot of friends but Gavin had thought he was one of a few.

"Seemed to." Gavin found himself saying, "He decided today that apparently he's better off if we don't talk."

"He didn't say that!" Connor snapped with enough venom that a few other patrons looked over at them, "According to your own messages he said you should find a new tutor, not that he disliked you." Both Connor's voice and expression were sharp as he defended his brother, "Anyway, its like you said. After that day he started to pull away. With me at least it started with him not returning my texts, then yesterday he asked me to stop calling him, and I haven't heard from him since. He's at least reading the messages, but that doesn't make me feel much better."

"Because he doesn't like having the notifications hanging around." Gavin said with a nod. Richard was odd with organization and clutter. Gavin had actively started keeping his apartment clean after Richard's first visit resulted in him having a panic attack, "It's not exactly reassuring."

"No." Connor sighed, "its not." He drank from his own cup and then sat forward, "the only thing that has changed in his life recently is you." Connor held up a hand silencing Gavin's building argument, "I'm not blaming you. It was a positive change, he was coming out of his shell. But I can't help to wonder if it was too much at once."

"Maybe we should go see him." Gavin suggested, "we don't know what's going on and he isn't answering our messages. He doesn't want to come to us, so instead we should go to him."

"But what if he wants to be alone? He's a very private person you know." Connor argued though it sounded weak to Gavin.

"Should he be alone though? By your own words he's almost always been alone. What if this time it's different Connor? What if he needs someone and doesn't know how to ask?" Gavin paused to breathe, "he's used to being relied on, relying on others may be new to him."

Connor just stared at him, like Gavin had said something he hadn't thought of. His brown eyes narrowed before he stood like the devil himself was on his heels. He looked down at Gavin the determination of the rest of his expression only just masking the worry lingering in his eyes, "Well? Are you coming or not."

Gavin took a moment to collect himself before standing. He grabbed his cup and followed Connor out of the cafe. The brunette took his apron off as he walked, a skill Gavin was genuinely impressed by, and folded it under his arm keeping it close. Gavin trailed behind Connor trying not to lose him in the crowd but he was cutting a fast pace. He'd never personally been to Richard's apartment but knew he at least lived close by. He often mentioned walking to the cafe. Connor turned down a side street Gavin almost missed. Connor slowed down some so Gavin assumed they were getting close.

"Have you ever been to Nines's place before?" Connor asked, not turning to face Gavin.

"Nines?" Gavin asked, unsure if it was a nickname or another person all together, "uh no why?"

"Nines is Richard's nickname, the number always seems to bring him good luck." Connor elaborated, smiling at some memory Gavin wasn't privy to, "ah, then he may not like you showing up uninvited."

"Well he should have thought about that before he decided to drop off the fucking grid." Gavin responded a little defensively, "look I'll apologize after all of this is fixed, buy him something fuzzy. The whole bit."

Connor stopped to look over at Gavin, "how do you know about his texture sensitivity? He never tells anyone about that."

"If it makes you feel better, I just found out about it from you." Gavin remarked, "I just figured he liked fuzzy shit because I have a cat at my place and he takes her hostage evertime he comes over."

Guilt settled into Connor's features and he began walking with purpose again, "oh. Please don't tell him I told you."

"Don't worry, I wont."

The silence settled over them again, but it was less suffocating this time, the urgency still remained but they were no longer being smothered by it. Connor lead him into a parking lot, not the main one from the look of it and headed for the building marked A3. Gavin followed, only slightly less sure of himself than before. There had to be a reason Richard hadn't opened his apartment to Gavin, and now that Connor had mentioned it; he wondered if showing up was breaking some unspoken rule. Gavin's worry won out over his guilt. As the saying went, it was easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Richard lived on the fifth floor at the end of the building opposite the elevator because of course he did. Gavin was winded by the time they reached their stop, and mad because Connor wasn't. The bastard continued down the hall like they hadn't just climbed five fucking floors worth of stairs. They arrived at apartment 509-A and Gavin was relatively certain that Richard could hear his breathing from wherever he happened to be in his apartment. Connor took a key from his pants pocket and much to Gavin's surprise opened the door without knocking. He had figured Connor to be more polite than that, but as it was looks could be deceiving.

"Richard?" Connor called into the silent apartment as he entered, "Its Connor. I brought Gavin with me. We just want to talk alright? We're worried about you."

Connor had taken his shoes off at the door and set them aside, so Gavin copied the action. He knew they wouldn't receive a verbal response, but the lack of movement worried him. He let Connor take point because he knew the apartment better, and Gavin figured seeing his brother might keep Richard from freaking out too much.

The living room and kitchen areas were both empty. The items and furniture in them in such specific places that they looked sterile and unlived in. Not even a dish out of place. No wonder his first visit to Gavin's place had made him panic. Connor continued down the hall, the first two rooms were empty, one was a bathroom and the other a makeshift office. Both as clean and sterile as the rest of the apartment, it was unsettling. There was a third door at the end that was closed, this one Connor knocked on before opening.

The lights were off and the curtains closed though they weren't thick enough to block out the light. There was a lump curled up under the covers that was most likely Richard.

"I'm going to turn the light on." Connor warned gently, giving Richard time to acknowledge it, though he didn't respond, before turning on the light.

The room was a mess, not just in relation to the sterile clean of the rest of the apartment, but an actual mess. Clothes were scattered on the floor and piled on the bed, pulled from the closet and dresser from the looks of it. Not that Gavin had too much time to observe it. After the light came on Richard sat up in bed, blue eyes locked on Gavin, pain and anger fighting for control in them.

'Get Out!' He signed, 'Leave!'

Gavin flinched and took a half step back, but otherwise held his ground, he didn't understand why Richard was angry with him. It was the most emotion he'd ever seen from him. It wrapped his whole body, darkened his eyes and made him look dangerous. Being the cause of such a visceral reaction cut Gavin to his core. It shook his resolve almost to the point of shattering it. This was personal after all, the text to the contrary was Richard trying to keep the peace like he always did. Gavin should have listened.

"Can... can you at least tell me what I did wrong?" Gavin was looking everywhere but in Richard's eyes, settling on his hands as he began to sign.

'You Lie. Not My Friend. Only Want Teacher.'

Hurt flared even more violently in Gavin's chest and he shrank in on himself, "I... you're my friend Richard. I never meant for you to feel like this. I want to fix it."

'LIAR!' Gavin's eyes snapped up to Richard's when he heard a choked off sob. Tears were spilling down Richard's cheeks and it was Gavin's fault, 'Not My Friend. Now Leave.'

"Alright. If you want me to go, I will." Gavin's voice wavered, tears pressing at the back of his eyes threatening to spill over, but Connor cut him off before he could continue his apology.

"No Richard, he stays." Connor had moved to the edge of Richard's bed at some point and was holding a notebook, reading whatever was on the page, "he was the one that said we should come by. He cares about you and is worried for you."

Richard seemed to notice what Connor had in his hand and lunged for it. Connor stepped away from the bed tucking the notebook to his chest.

Richard signed something at Connor that Gavin didn't see enough of to catch or understand. Connor didn't respond right away walking toward Gavin instead.

"I am going to show him Nines, it is about him after all." Connor's tone wasn't condescending, but it still sounded like he was speaking to a child, "you have said your piece. Gavin deserves a chance to say his."

Connor handed the notebook to Gavin and he held it like it was something precious. He turned it over so he could read the page, and immediately wished he hadn't. There. In Richard's near perfect handwriting was 'he doesn't like me' written repeatedly, getting less legible as it went down the page, tear stained in some places. On the bottom most line 'Gavin hates me' was written in blocky capital letters. Gavin shook his head like that would somehow change the words. He looked back at Richard and the dam broke, his tears spilling over and down his face.

"I... I dont hate you. And I'm so, so sorry for whatever I did that made it seem that way." He sniffled disgustingly and wiped at his eyes with his sweatshirt sleeve.

Richard's hands were shaking badly and Gavin couldn't read his signs, he looked at Connor desperate to understand what he was being told. Connor spoke once Richard's hands came to a stop.

"You stayed, no one ever stays. Not for me." Connor paused, sounding as though he was on the verge of tears himself, "I'm not worth the effort. Its too difficult to communicate with me. So no one stays. People don't like me. I am not worth knowing."

Gavin balked at that. Sure Richard wasn't friendly outwardly, but he showed his kindness in other ways.

"I stayed because I like you. You're smart, quick with a joke and nice to have around." He took a breath taking a few tentative steps toward the bed keeping the notebook close, "I'm not the easiest to get along with either, and people aren't quick to hang around. But you did."

'You Taught Me Your Language.' Gavin signed hoping to convey how much that act alone had meant to him.

Richard's hands went flying, signing at a speed Gavin couldn't hope to understand. He was apparently operating under the assumption that Connor would continue to act as their translator.

"You don't know me." Connor paused letting Richard sign more of his thoughts before continuing, "I am not my brothers, I am not kind. People are difficult and they cause me stress. You do not, being around you is nice. I'm not used to it, it scares me."

Gavin set the notebook on the bed and Richard was quick to grab it.

"You're right I dont know you all that well, but I still let you into my home, showed you my cat and let you eat your way through my fridge. I only tolerate that kind of behavior from my friends." He took a breath having found his footing and barreled forward. He would lose his nerve if he stopped now, "you're right. You aren't Connor and that's what I like about you."

Connor let out a sound that was something between a laugh and an offended scoff. Gavin kept talking.

"You're Richard. You leave me on read until I send you pictures of Frankie. You text me at ass o'clock in the morning because you think that if you're awake I need to be too. You come to my rescue when I get in over my head. You push me to be better, and I need that more than you know. So you're absolutely right, I may not know you well, but I wouldn't be adverse to trying."

Richard stared at him owlishly in a way that did remind him of Connor. Gavin was beginning to get uncomfortable, he wasn't good at talking about his feelings and he didn't want Richard to feel pressured by his apparent diarrhea of the mouth.

Richard picked up the notebook turning to a clean page. He shuffled things around on his nightstand until he came away with a pen. He wrote something down quickly and showed it to Gavin.

'Do you mean it?'

"Of course I mean it dipshit." Gavin cracked a watery smile, "I may be many things, but a liar isn't one of them."

More writing, scratching out whatever he had put down, not liking it and then trying again. Gavin ignored the previous two attempts, and read the third.

'Thank you Gavin. It means more than you know. I am sorry I worried you but having friends is difficult and scary. I will try not to do this again but I can't promise anything.'

Gavin shook his head, "then dont promise. Ask for help. Connor is here for you, I havent met your other brother but I'm sure he is too, and so am I. You aren't alone. Not anymore."

Richard still looked unsure of himself. He looked between Gavin and Connor as though he expected one of them to take it back, when neither one did he gave a phantom of a smile. Things weren't better and it might be a long while before they were. Richard was fighting something big and he'd been fighting it for a while. The difference now, was that he wasn't fighting it alone.

#A Hand in the Matter #reed900 #gavin reed #dbh gavin #d:bh gavin #rk900 #nines #dbh nines #nonverbal nines #dbh #d:bh #dbh connor #rk800 #connor rk800

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adarlingwrites · 4 years ago

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Dormouse

Summary:

After playing a game with two of The Beach's most dangerous members, the dormouse gets her tail caught by a tiger's paw.

He’ll make a wildcat out of her.

all my days were spent by a telephone | that never rang and all I needed was a call | that never came to the corner of First and Amistad

Surrounded by armed and dangerous people, Mr. Yamane and his new wife backed away. Aguni kept his eye trained on the pair, while Niragi chortled and faced Yamaneko, who is glaring daggers at Mr. Yamane’s back.

“All of you, scram. Get ready for the games tonight,” Aguni barks, and he turns to walk away. The rest of the militants do as he says, save for Yamaneko, who finally let out a breath she was holding, and Last Boss stood a little closer to her.

Then, she runs after their leader.

“Chief Aguni, wait. I need to say something,” she said.

Stopping to listen to what she has to say, Aguni crosses his arms and lets her continue.

“No one really stood up for me when my father abused his family before I came here. I tried calling the cops once, but they saw who my father was and only left with a warning. I’m more than capable of handling him now, but you still backed me up. Thank you. You have my loyalty as my show of gratitude,” she declares, and gives him a deep bow.

Something in Aguni’s stony facade shifts for a moment; old and painful memories of his own past fleeting through his psyche, but it’s gone after a few seconds. “Get ready for tonight's game, then. Show your loyalty to me by surviving and bringing back a card.”

Without another word, Aguni leaves. Yamaneko turns and presses her face in Takatora’s chest.

“Thank you for defending me, too. I wish I had someone like you long ago,” she whispers.

Truth be told, Takatora wishes she came into his life earlier as well. He begins imagining what life could’ve been like. Perhaps he wouldn’t need to pour his heart out in online columns that no one cared about. Perhaps he wouldn’t have ended up as a recluse if he had someone who understood his existential dread, his philosophy, and him.

“No one’s allowed to hurt my wildcat.”

Hearing those words made her heart go aflutter. Her lover took her back to their shared bed, where she curled up in his arms. She will survive tonight, for her chief, for herself, and for Takatora.

Especially Takatora.

Tonight’s game was a Five of Clubs in an art gallery.

Yamaneko wasn’t sure if she was distracted because of the sudden appearance of her father, or due to the side effects of the pills Sunohara prescribed, but she nearly got roasted alive in the ordeal.

One of the Beach members she came with perished, foolishly braving the jets, only to drop from the pain midway. Now there’s only Chishiya, another woman in a blue bikini whom he referred to as Kuina, and Yamaneko herself. She had seen the other two’s tags; they’re in the top twenty, just like her. Hell, their ranks are higher than hers, and she found out Chishiya’s actually an executive member, so they must be good. There were ten players total, and they were the only three left.

The game is simple: cross a narrow hallway to the next exhibit area within the given time limit, and avoid getting roasted alive in the process by the jets of fire that blow through the wall. There are three columns of tiles, and ten rows. Kuina had considered risking it, seeing how the others had made it three-fourths of the way, but Chishiya held her back. The man in white waited for the other players to make a move, like he always does.

Observe, then formulate a plan.

Kuina cringed as the others got burnt to a crisp, while Yamaneko’s only reaction was a glassy stare. She didn’t know what the other two are thinking about, but the more she sees people dying, the more determined she is to avoid their fates.

She has someone to go home to now.

“So, any plans?” Yamaneko asks them, stumped. It doesn’t help that she’s feeling nauseous, and a killer headache is making her space out. Kuina regarded her warily, while Chishiya had the same, condescending smirk on his face the first time she met him.

Being the smartest of the three, Chishiya figured out the trick to winning the game.

“Look closely,” he tells the other two as he watches the others fail and burn. “That man stepped on one tile, and the jet in front of him stopped for five seconds. It’s a pressure plate.”

“So, someone needs to be stepping on the correct tile one row behind,” Kuina replies. “But, if the person behind steps forward, they’re both toast.”

“Well, there’s nothing in the rules forbidding two people to step on the same tile, or that we can’t use an object to apply pressure on the plate,” Yamaneko adds.

“Ah. Always looking for loopholes, huh, Yamane? You’re starting to convince me that members of the militant sect are capable of basic thought,” Chishiya comments in a sing-song manner.

“It’s Yamaneko now. I’m not just some mindless goon just because I’m allowed to carry a weapon,” she spits, crossing her arms and temper flaring from his condescending tone.

“I always had an impression that most militants are given that role precisely because they are mindless goons.”

Yamaneko draws a dagger, irritated to no end. “The chief’s not here, so if I hurt you, I’m not doing it as a goon. I’m doing it on my own accord because you’re such an ass.”

The man in white’s only response is his signature infuriating smirk.

Before a fight can ensue, Kuina steps in between the two. “Can we just focus on the game? The clock is ticking.”

The militant sheaths her weapon. “You’re lucky Kuina doesn’t get on my nerves, or I would’ve ignored her.”

“Oh well. Now that we know how to clear the game, let’s begin.”

“Wait, could you at least spell it out for the two of us?” Kuina asks, eyebrows furrowing, and Yamaneko nods in agreement. “Yeah. I’m not exactly some smug bastard who can figure things out with a glance,” the militant adds, tilting her head.

Chuckling, Chishiya indulges them.

“First, Person A needs to step on the correct plate. Then, Person B will step on the same tile. Person A will leave Person B to figure out the correct tile for the second row. Then, Person C will join Person B. Person B will leave Person C to move to Person A’s spot, while Person A steps on the next correct tile. Then, Person C needs to drop a weight on the tile she’s standing on, and join Person B. Then, Person B will join Person A again. Person A figures out the next tile, then Person C should simultaneously move to Person B’s spot and move the weight to her previous spot, while Person B jumps to Person A’s spot. Rinse and repeat. It’s all about timing. A simple game, really.”

Yamaneko’s head starts to pound from trying to understand the plan, and she groans, massaging her temples.

“You call that simple?! Why don’t we just place weights on every correct tile then?” Yamaneko asks, exasperated.

“Look around you,” Chishiya replies. “The only item in this hallway is that pedestal over there. The room before this one had a few paintings and sculptures, but retrieving them would take too much of our precious time. We’re not even sure if they would weigh enough to keep the plate pressed.”

“Ah, shit. Let’s just go with your plan then. I’m nimble, so I’ll be Person C,” Yamaneko sighs, walking over to the pedestal and dragging it with her.

“I’ll be A,” Kuina volunteers.

“I guess I’m B, then,” Chishiya says in an offhand tone.

Despite the need for a few reminders and a few curses thrown here and there, the plan worked. Yamaneko’s reflexes definitely helped; moving the pedestal quickly and jumping to Chishiya’s position almost at the same time is no easy feat. Time it wrong, and they will both be burned to a crisp. Of course, if they die, Kuina will have no chance of survival too. Such is the nature of a Clubs game: players either have to rely on all the skills required to survive in the borderlands, or work together with other players.

In this case, it’s both.

“This game would’ve been easier if those morons didn’t just rush in,” Yamaneko grunts as she moves the pedestal and maneuvers her way to Chishiya’s side at the same time.

“Well, we wouldn’t have figured out what to do if it wasn’t for their mistakes,” Kuina replies, testing which tile would get the stream of fire in front of her to stop.

“They’re still fucking idiots, rushing into the fire like that without a strategy! Couldn’t they have tried to look for an off switch first? Idiots!”

“Look at that, I actually agree with you. They are idiots,” Chishiya says in a sing-song manner. “I hope you’re not a pot calling the kettle black, though.”

Yamaneko rolls her eyes, head throbbing. “If my survival didn’t depend on you, I would’ve left you to burn simply for being a condescending asshole.”

On the last row, the militant’s line of thought got befuddled due to the searing tension around her forehead, and she still took the pedestal with her and froze instead of just crossing to safety. The five seconds were up, and flames burst out of the walls, licking the left side of her body. Before it could completely engulf her, Kuina pulled her out of harm’s way, eyes wide with terror.

Screaming, Yamaneko panics as her hair, the left sleeve of her jacket, and her skirt caught fire. Kuina quickly tackles her to the ground and rolls her around, extinguishing the flames. As soon as the fire is out, the taller woman helps her out of her burned clothes, both breathing hard.

They looked at each other when they heard the robotic voice from their phones chime in.

“Game clear! Congratulations!”

One of her hair buns is singed, her left arm is suffering from minor burns, and she’s wearing nothing but her black bikini and her shoulder brace now, but Yamaneko is alive.

That’s all that matters.

She can go home to her new family now.

Kuina lets out a sigh of relief, leaning back and closing her eyes as she sits on the floor, while Yamaneko remains lying on her back, staring at the ceiling and still in shock from yet another near-death experience. Chishiya walks over and leans down, and she waves her good arm.

“Fine, fine. You’re a genius, and I can be an idiot,” she admits, not wanting to engage with any more arguments with the man in white.

Chishiya gives her another maddening smirk. “I never said that.”

Then, he walks away.

The militant sits up and watches as he does. “I know that’s exactly what you think though!” Yamaneko yells after him, and Kuina just scratches her head.

All three of them made it back to the car after Chishiya collected the card. He drives, Kuina sits in the passenger seat, and Yamaneko lies on the back. She looks at the burned skin of her left arm and hisses at the pain. It went through so much in just a span of weeks.

After a few minutes of silence, Kuina speaks up.

“Does it hurt?”

Yamaneko wanted to roll her eyes, because it obviously does, but the other woman is probably just trying to make small talk. If it can distract her from the pain, she’ll engage in it. “Of course it does. But I can manage.”

“Sorry about your hair,” Kuina adds, and Yamaneko shrugs.

“I’ve tried crazier hairstyles before. It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.”

“So, how did you end up hanging with those militants anyway? From what Chishiya has told me and from what I’ve seen, you’re not violent unless you need to be.”

“Two of them took me with them, and the rest is history. I’m pretty sure you can figure out why I can’t say no.”

“Fair. They say if you want to live a peaceful life on the Beach, you’d stay out of their business. But if the militants want you to get involved in their business… you better say yes if you value your life,” Kuina replies.

“Yeah. I didn’t have a choice. But even so, I’m grateful to have met them.”

The other woman gives her a questioning look through the rearview mirror. “Why?”

“They stood up for me against my abusive asshole dad. Nobody did that before. They’re a fucked up bunch, but they take care of their own.”

Kuina gives her one last look, a sympathetic one, and looks out the window, wind tousling her hair. On the other hand, Chishiya’s look is cold and calculating.

“You do know that most of them are abusive themselves, right?” Chishiya asks, eyes flicking back to the road.

“Well, I’m no longer at the receiving end of the abuse, so I’ll take what I can get.”

The rest of the ride is filled with silence, a silent understanding forming between the two people in the front seat. When they arrived at the Beach, Yamaneko left the two without saying another word, looking for her lover amidst the crowd.

“So, do you think we can still win her over?” Kuina asks the man in white, placing a faux cigarette between her lips.

“I think she’s a lost cause. Look.”

Kuina looks to Yamaneko’s direction, where Last Boss of all people approaches the shorter woman. The tattooed militant sees the burns on her arm, her lack of clothes save for the bare minimum, and he quickly sheds his hoodie to cover her. Last Boss puts one arm around her shoulder and whisks her away from the crowd.

“Huh.”

“She’s involved with one of them,” Chishiya comments, then he turns to leave, leaving Kuina to gawk at the odd couple.

Takatora held Yamaneko close as they made their way to the clinic. Onlookers be damned, he’s not allowing her to walk to the clinic alone. When arrived at the doorway, Sunohara is tending to an injury of her own, dabbing antiseptic on her scraped knee.

The doctor looks up and her face falls.

“Oh, what happened to you?!” she exclaims, putting down the used cotton swab and walking over to her friend, if she can call Yamaneko that.

“Game involved fire,” she groans, holding her singed arm out. Sunohara leads her inside, and Last Boss follows suit, close as a shadow.

“I can take it from here,” she tells the tattooed militant, who only stared at her with a defiant look.

“Just let him come with me, it’s fine,” Yamaneko tells the other woman, and Sunohara nods, not wanting to deal with what might follow if he didn’t get his way.

Sunohara cringes at the condition of her patient’s arm. “You really should be taking care of that arm,” she mutters, eyes not leaving the injuries. “First you dislocated your shoulder, then you almost nicked a major vein, and now it’s covered in burns.”

“It’s not my dominant arm, so I think I’ll manage. Do you think you can switch me back to tramadol, though?”

Sunohara gives her a pained look. “You know that I’m trying not to get you addicted. I’m sorry, I can’t-”

The words came to a halt when Last Boss drew his sword, and Sunohara panics, jumping away from the two of them. Yamaneko is quick to calm him down. “Relax. If she thinks giving me the medicine might harm me, I trust her decision to withhold it from me.”

Nodding, her lover withdrew, and Sunohara cleared her throat to defuse the tension. As the doctor and Yamaneko talked, Last Boss couldn’t stop observing the two, eyes flicking back and forth between the two women. Sunohara had planned to sit and ask about Yamaneko’s day, but her lover is already whisking her away.

“Talk again tomorrow. I need some rest,” Yamaneko calls out as she leaves the clinic.

“Right! Right. Rest well,” Sunohara replies with resignation, watching her slip away.

As soon as they’re away from prying eyes, Takatora mashes his lips against Yamaneko’s, her lipstick staining his mouth. She sank right into the kiss, tongue darting out to meet his. It was a frustrated, desperate makeout session, and it left both of them breathless.

“Huh. Somebody missed me,” Yamaneko whispers breathlessly.

“You got hurt. I was scared.”

“I didn’t know there were things you’re scared of, Tora. You’re my big, brave tiger, after all.”

With those words, he claims her lips again, softer this time, cupping her face between cold hands. As soon as they broke the kiss, Yamaneko buried her face on his chest, breathing deeply.

“C’mon. Let’s go back to our room. I need to treat my wounds and salvage the rest of my hair.”

Takatora nods.

Showering together is becoming a habit of theirs. Takatora helped wash his lover’s back as she avoided getting hot water on her burned arm. When she turns to face him, she chuckles as she reaches up to clean up the stain her lipstick left on his face.

“I should probably look for a formula that doesn’t smear,” Yamaneko mumbles. His long fingers found themselves on her face, and he gently wipes the rest of her makeup away with a soft washcloth. Not a lot of people ever saw her bare-faced.

Takatora considers himself lucky to be one of them.

After they have dried off, Yamane rummages around for scissors, and heads back to the bathroom. Dragging a stool inside, she sits in front of the mirror, assessing the damage. The fire nearly reached her scalp, mere inches of healthy hair between the singed parts and her skin. She’ll need to cut it short. Using a wide-toothed comb to part her hair, she takes a pair of scissors and trims the ends off.

Then, she looks at the other side of her head and sighs.

“Tora?” she calls out to her lover. He opens the door and peeks.

“Could you do me a favor?”

He nods.

“Could you help me cut the rest of my hair off?”

After a moment of reluctance, he nods again.

Behind her, Takatora holds a pair of scissors. Her lover takes the long strands of her hair, and proceeds to cut. He continues cutting until the ends of her lover’s hair are a blunt, uneven mess.

“I’m not good at this,” he says in a low voice as she helped her shake the strands of hair off.

“It’s fine,” Yamaneko replies, turning from left to right to look at her new hair. “I kind of like it. Looks wild. I guess calling me ‘wildcat’ is appropriate after all.”

Cold fingers caress her neck and tilts her head upwards. Takatora presses a gentle kiss, lips cool as well, and she smiles against him. He gets cold easily and Yamaneko’s warmth is a nice contrast. She always warmed him up.

They sit on the bed, Yamaneko sitting with her legs crossed and her back against Takatora’s chest, whose long legs are splayed on the mattress. He watches in silence as his lover applies burn ointment all over the affected areas of her arm, while his are wrapped around her waist.

“So, how was your game?” she asks him, pressing the back of her head against him.

“Easy. It was a Spade.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you,” Yamaneko responds, smiling as she bandaged her arm. Soon, her eyelids are getting heavy.

“I’m sleepy. Hold me?”

Wordlessly, the tattooed militant shifts his position on the bed with her, spooning her and avoiding contact with her bandaged arm. Takatora buries his face against her hair, getting sleepy as well.

“Hey,” Yamaneko mumbles, voice thick with drowsiness.

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

For a moment, her lover tenses up, which made her fear for the worst. Maybe she should’ve waited longer, or didn’t say anything at all.

But then, he draws her closer and presses a kiss on top of her head.

“I love you too.”

Yamaneko fell asleep with a smile on her face, curling into her lover’s embrace.

The morning after, they headed to the banquet for brunch. The aroma of beef curry made Yamaneko’s mouth water, and she immediately went to ladle some for herself. As she filled her plate with rice and curry, Mr. Yamane stands next to her, waiting for his turn.

It’s their favorite dish after all.

Determined not to spoil her good mood this morning, Yamaneko moves away as soon as she’s finished, not giving him an opportunity to speak to her. She stands next to Last Boss, good arm bumping with his, and she leans against him as he grabs a few sticks of yakitori.

“Could you take a few more for me, please? My plate is full,” she asks him, and with a small smile on his face, he grabs the entire tray, making her laugh.

They were about to leave for their room when people started running towards the outside of the building. Sunohara is among them, and Yamaneko shouts after her.

“Sunohara! What’s going on?”

Pausing, Sunohara has a worried look plastered on her face. “Someone jumped from the third floor of the hotel! I’m sorry, I have to go and see if they can be saved.”

Eyes trailing after the doctor, Yamaneko couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

A few hours later, she was called alongside her father by Rizuna An, the Beach’s number six, and an executive member. Last Boss came alongside her, being an executive member himself, and because he wanted to ensure her safety. However, Mr. Yamane’s new wife, who usually stuck to him like a lost pup, is nowhere to be found.

The militant has a bad feeling about this.

They were led to the lower levels of the hotel, to a room with various medical equipment and tools. Other executive members are waiting, including the Hatter and Aguni themselves. The ones loyal to the Hatter regard the members of the military sect with suspicion. Then, what Yamaneko saw behind them made her stop in her tracks.

On one of the gurneys lies Mrs. Yamane’s corpse.

Desensitized by all the death and violence in the borderland, could only stare with her mouth open. On the other hand, her father rushes to his wife’s side, shouting and crying.

“What happened?” Yamaneko asks, not moving from her spot.

“We thought it was a suicide, but there’s a laceration on the victim’s neck. She’s been murdered.”

Then it hit Yamaneko.

She is summoned because she’s a suspect.

#guess who's the dumbass who forgot to post this here #alice in borderland #imawa no kuni no alice #imawa no kuni no arisu #last boss x oc #takatora samura x oc #oc: minami yamane #last boss #takatora samura #suguru niragi #morizono aguni #shuntaro chishiya #hikari kuina #fanfic: dormouse #fanfiction #character study

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randomoranges · 3 years ago

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here we go folks, after a whole dang month working on this beast it is OVER.

33 pages and nearly 20k words later it’s DONE. idk what to do with my time now [lol what a joke] but here we go.

as they say in the vernac’ attache ta tuque a’c d’la broche à foin.

The Five Times Étienne Fell in Love

PART V

“You know we don’t have to do this,” He says. He knows this story. It’s their story after all and thankfully, he at least knows it has a better ending, but he’s not sure he wants to hear what Étienne has to say about him.

“We absolutely do, Murphy; you’re the one who brought this whole thing up.” Étienne teases softly and Edward groans, because, he has and he may as well grin and bear it.

Edward makes the mistake of turning his head a fraction and catches the last of the saddest of smiles on his friend’s face. He does his best to ignore the swooping sensation in his stomach and focuses on the bird song for a moment instead. They’ve talked over some of the finer points over the last few years. There’s no need to rehash all of it just now. Yet, he’d been the one to open the proverbial door to Pandora’s box and he supposes it is only fair to listen to whatever else it is Étienne has to tell him.

“Promise it’ll be a good ending.” Étienne ads and that at least makes him crack a smile.

“It better,” He says and jabs Étienne’s sides gently with his elbow.

“I still remember the day you showed up on a freaking canoe during Expo. I thought that was the most badass and coolest thing ever. I couldn’t believe it! I remember I kept on telling people that the guy on the canoe? He’s my really good friend! And I was also so psyched to see you!” He laughs and something warm settles in Edward’s stomach.

Expo had been one of the craziest things he’d ever witnessed in a long time and he’s glad he’d been able to participate, in some way. He does remember Étienne’s look of pure shock and amazement when he’d been there to welcome them and somehow or other, despite Étienne being more than busy during the event, he still managed to find a few spare moments to catch up with him. Plus, at the time, they didn’t see each other as often, so it had really been something for Étienne to take the time to hang out with him, even if it was while they went from one pavilion to the next.

“I always thought you were attractive, a sentiment that only grew stronger the more we saw each other throughout the twentieth century. I obviously wasn’t going to do anything – not unless you wanted me to, since you were my friend and even if you were into men, it didn’t mean you’d want to be with me.” Despite knowing this, Edward still finds his cheeks heating up at the words and he wonders if he’ll ever get used to the idea that Étienne still thinks of him as someone attractive and handsome. He likes hearing the compliments, even if he flushes furiously.

“Then you came to me – when we started reconnecting – and said that you needed an escapism. I could do that. I was more than happy to provide one, especially the kind you were looking for. At that time, I was done, really, with love. Especially with humans. It was too hard, too complicated, too messy and it hurt too damned much. I still wasn’t over Koffey and I vowed that it would never happen again. I had tried. Love just didn’t come as naturally to me as it did to others. It was fine. But I wasn’t about to get that close to humans anymore. Let my guard down and have these feelings creep up on me after months or years. Fuck that shit.”

“You know,” Edward interrupts, “You could have told me about Koffey at the time.”

Étienne lets out a bark of a laugh and looks at Edward with a quirk of his eyebrows. “Really? And told you what exactly? P.S., in case I seem more than off, it’s ‘cause the man I loved has just died and I think I’m at fault. Don’t mind me, I’m still reeling from that. Oh, and also from every shitty thing that’s happened in the last ten years, but hey, nice to see you, how’s it been?”

Edward supposes he has a point. It’s not as if he’d given any information of what had happened to him in the last decade right off the bat either. Retrospectively, however, he would have liked to know. He’s not sure what he would have done, but he knows he wouldn’t have laughed in his friend’s face. Not then and not ever.

“Anyways, you wanted sex. You wanted experiences. You wanted to go out and get fucked up. And I wanted that as well. I still needed that as well. It was easy to bring you those things. It was easier still to show you how it was done. You were a very willing student and who was I to deny you? You were the perfect distraction I needed and on top of that, you were my friend.”

“As the saying goes; misery does love company.” Edward offers.

Étienne looks at him and laughs. It’s good that, if anything else, they can more or less laugh about it now. That there are enough better days between those times and now. They’ve grown, changed and gotten better. Found better coping mechanisms.

“Plus, It helped that you’re like me – that you wouldn’t die on me no matter the drugs, no matter what we did or didn’t do. It felt like – being alive. Somehow. I didn’t have to hide anything with you. We could do what we wanted and see how far our limits would take us. It was liberating – in all its messed up ways. And I knew that no matter how many blackouts we had, no matter what it was we took, I wouldn’t lose you and I didn’t have to explain anything to you. Come the following day, you’d be alive. And that was – a relief.”

Edward takes a moment to think back to those early years as well. He’d been coming out of his own bad place and Étienne had been a – breath of fresh air, in a way. Despite the abuse of drugs and sex and everything else that had come with it, it had been liberating. He’d felt – free somehow even if he realises now that neither of them had been in a good place at the time either.

But going off to find Étienne had been his own way to rebel. The parties had been his own way of dealing with things at the time and his way of existing. For once, he felt like he could be some part of himself. That he had control over his own narrative. He may have gone the wrong way about it, but Étienne had been his own anchor, however unsteady he had been. Étienne had been a friend when it had felt like he had no others and someone who’d expanded his horizons. He’d been his point of reference and he’d returned to the proverbial well of knowledge willingly.

In a way, they’d found each other; from one fucked up mind to another. They’d relied on each other and had turned on each other as well.

Yet, despite what had happened, he doesn’t regret those years. He’d learned a lot from them and in a way, it had been the cataclysm to getting closer to Étienne.

“I never expected to fall for you. That wasn’t my plan. I was still mourning Koffey and you were my friend. At a time when it felt like I had very few of those, the last thing I wanted to do was make things complicated by falling for you. Plus, who was to say you would love someone like me? You deserved someone who’d make you happy and who could help you heal.”

Edward opens his mouth to argue the point. In his opinion, Étienne was a very good candidate to help him – more so now than before, but still. However, Étienne shakes his head and so he keeps the thought to himself and lets him proceed.

“You could have genuinely just thought of me as a friend only,” He counters and Edward quiets down – he has a point. “My other fear was that you would fall for me, and I wouldn’t and that you wouldn’t understand. There’d been too many people who’d gone down that path and it always ended in another ended relationship. I feared that even if I liked you, I wouldn’t develop those romantic feelings and that it would break your heart and end our friendship. I couldn’t have that. I always valued our friendship above all else.”

Edward wonders, not for the first time, just how many other people had entered and left Étienne’s life just because he was different. It hurt and angered him to know that so many had potentially missed out on a wonderful relationship – be it friendly or otherwise, just because he worked differently. It was their loss, really, but he hated that Étienne had had to suffer because of it.

“So I told you. Not to expect a relationship. Not to expect a romantic liaison out of it. That we were just friends having a good time. And it worked. At least, it did at first. For many years it worked. I enjoyed the time we spent together, the benders, the drugs, the parties and the sex. I liked being around you. I liked making you discover new things. I liked having you around.”

“And then I went ahead and fell in love with you.” He says with the most dramatic of sighs. Étienne spares him a glance and they give each other a look before laughing. It’s such a ridiculous story, yet it’s their story and it makes it that much more special.

“If it makes you feel any better, I went ahead and fell for you as well. So I guess we both didn’t heed your warning.” Edward gives Étienne’s hand a small squeeze and he smiles softly when his boyfriend laces their fingers together.

“Yeah, I guess it turned out alright.” He pulls him in for a one-armed hug and Edward nuzzles his face in the crook of Étienne’s neck. They stay that way for a moment, enjoying the possibility and the fact that they’re back here together and even though Edward knows how the first chapter of their relationship ended, he at least knows that they make it back together.

“It took me a while to realise that I was in love with you,” Étienne tells him gently, “But the signs were there. Those stupid signs Samuel had told me about a million years ago were all there. I felt like such a tool too – that I hadn’t realised it sooner and that of all the things my brother had told me – these were the ones I was going for.”

“Every time you’d call, I’d feel giddy. Hell, every time the phone rang, and I was expecting your call, I’d run for it, not wanting to miss the call, hoping it was you. I remember walking around in my living room, twisting the telephone cord around my fingers, an excited mess when you’d tell me you were coming back.”

Edward grins, imagining Étienne doing those things. It’s cute and endearing even and if he holds him a little closer, his boyfriend doesn’t comment on it.

“I looked forward to all our chats. I couldn’t wait to see you again. I’d even count down the days. I felt – butterflies in my stomach when I would finally see you again. Every time, without fault, I’d just want to scoop you in my arms and hold you close.”

“For your information, that’s exactly what you’ve always done, sweetheart.” He teases gently. He doesn’t remember Étienne not launching himself at him when he greets him at the airport. He likes it, deep down, even if it’s a little loud and very open – but it’s also so very Étienne and that takes precedence.

Étienne looks down to him and rolls his eyes, but it’s fond and has no bite. “I know – that’s just the thing, I thought it was normal. We were friends after all. Of course, I was excited to see you. I still do all of those things and I still count down the days to our next visit and I still get those damned butterflies in my stomach when you call or text me or when we see each other. It never fucking stopped – and, well I don’t want it to stop…”

He trails off for a moment and when Edward looks up at him, he’s happy to see that Étienne’s cheeks have coloured just the same as his.

“If it makes you feel better, I feel the same way, you know.”

Étienne presses a soft kiss to the top of his head, “Yeah, I know…”

At the time, Edward had obviously known that Étienne – liked him, as a friend, but he’d never even started to think that he could like him beyond that, or even love him. If past him could have gotten a glimpse of this very scene, he’s sure the poor fellow would have passed out cold or convinced himself it was some drug induced fantasy worthy of the greatest production of his mind theatre.

“But then it went beyond that, as if that wasn’t enough. It was the longing to hear your voice; wanting to snuggle up to you. A swooping feeling when you’d kiss me. I wanted to sit and just – spend time with you. Make you laugh. Spend the day together doing nothing. It was less about the drugs and the getting fucked up and more about you – being with you. Wanting to be with you.”

“It honest to goodness freaked me out. It felt wrong and stupid to tell you, oh by the way, guess what, I love you, d’you think we can make this work when I specifically told you not to expect a relationship?” He scoffs, annoyed. “Wish I had now.”

“Hey, you can’t feel sorry for yourself. We’re both to blame. I could have easily done something as well and I didn’t.”

“Yeah, but, you were going with what I told you. How were you supposed to know?”

“I could have been bigger about it. Or even told you and laugh it off. The point is, we both didn’t do anything about it and I don’t want you to think that you’re alone in the blame.”

Étienne lets the issue slide for the moment. He doesn’t want to argue with Edward about this, even though he feels like the bigger part of the blame rests with him. “Still, this was the last thing I wanted to happen yet, there I was completely in love with you, and I had no way of knowing if you felt the same, nor did I want to put you in that spot. In case I did decide to tell you, I didn’t want it to be some big awkward thing. Plus, there was still so much going on for both of us – at least, I know I wasn’t any better; not mentally. Not in the long-term way, anyways. And you weren’t even out to anyone back home.”

They’ve spoken about that issue in particular. About why Étienne had kept on pestering him about it over the years. It made some sort of sense now that he knew, but at the time, it had annoyed Edward that his friend was so adamant about it. It still didn’t make it okay, but Edward had forgiven Étienne for it – they were beyond that now. (The real question was whether or not Étienne had forgiven himself.)

“Yet, the more time went by, the more my feelings for you grew and the more I wanted to try to – be a couple. Be together. Officially and really. I figured if you’d tell me something first – if you gave me a sign that this wasn’t all some construction I’d made in my head, I’d take the plunge – but you never did. And I never gave you an occasion to either. So the proverbial joke was on me.”

Edward gives Étienne’s hand a squeeze. They’d both been in bad places at the time. He doesn’t regret the step back he had taken from Étienne, for it had given him the space and place to figure himself out and grow, but he had missed him something fierce. It would have been nice to have both at the time; the boyfriend and the coming into himself. He hadn’t exactly been a fan of feeling as though everyone had abandoned him and that he was alone. It would have been nice to welcome the change of the millennium with friends and a boyfriend. But, everything happened for a reason he supposes, even if he doesn’t like said reason. And at least, somehow, things had gotten better over time. It’s already much more than many people unfortunately ever get.

“There were so many times when I nearly told you. Times when I felt you felt the same. Times when things were good. But every time, I didn’t want to ruin it and make it complicated – figured you knew and therefore, what was the point? We were good and it was all that mattered.” He sighs deeply and picks up the ball again to toss it to Mercury, who goes galloping after it.

“Retrospectively, I should’ve said something, but I didn’t and then we drifted apart after one argument too many.”

“Again, it takes two to tango. The blame isn’t yours only.” Edward reminds him. Étienne shrugs and wrestles the ball out of Mercury’s mouth before he throws it again.

It’s funny how they’ve both tried, over the years, to figure out exactly what happened to their fall out and when, but even they’re fuzzy onthe details. There’d been an argument of sorts, that much they’ve agreed on, and Edward had then returned home. They’d been busy with their own lives, at least one letter had been confirmed lost in the mail and then the years had somehow or other gone by.

It hadn’t helped that Étienne had stopped going to meetings, so running into him there had happened less frequently. No matter how many times Edward had told himself that he’d make amends at the next meeting, Étienne had never been at it. It also hadn’t helped that the more time went by, the more Edward convinced himself that Étienne had moved on and that it would be pathetic to bring up something that had happened such a long time ago.

He’d eventually assumed that with their fallout, Étienne had realised that there was nothing to him and that he’d been shelved, just like he’d always feared. It had hurt, obviously, but Edward had been dealing with bigger issues of his own back home and he’d focused his energies elsewhere. Étienne had been a far away fantasy and now that was over.

On the other hand, Étienne’s own unstable mental health had whispered dark nothings in his ear and had slowly but surely convinced him that Edward had realised that he was messed up and not worth his troubles. He’d then figured that the best course of action was to forget about Edward and move on quickly, before he made a bigger fool of himself. It had pained him, obviously, but it had been the only way.

Of course, they both realise that there’d been a better option they could have taken, but at least they can say that eventually they did reconnect and had made amends.

“When we stopped hanging out together, I honestly thought it was a temporary thing. Spending that much time together was a novelty anyways, so it didn’t really bother me. We both needed to blow off some steam and I thought for sure things would pick up again soon enough.” He shrugs, “Anyways, I was angry at you as well, so I returned to my regular thing and – put space between us.”

“I started to worry when days turned to months and then years. It was so – strange, not hearing from you. I wanted to reach out, but I was mad, hurt and petty. Too bad for you, I figured. It’s not like I needed you, I had other friends! But – it felt like I had heard more from you when you didn’t even had a proper post office than now and – it stung. A lot. I went from resenting you to thinking I had fucked up royally and that you no longer wanted anything to do with me. That messed me up even more, because now reaching out to you felt useless. You’d probably just toss me to the side and tell me to get lost.”

Edward groans and Étienne looks at him, confused. “I think it’s a fucking miracle we managed to actually get back together. I can’t believe we both thought more or less the same thing and it took us that long to – talk.”

Étienne chuckles, “We’re a special type of stupid.”

The fact that Edward agrees says a lot about the both of them.

“I thought it was better to cower away and feel sorry for myself. I tried not to dwell on it too much – tried to move on, while going through a million versions of I told you so. This is why I didn’t want to go ahead and develop feelings! Not only would I get hurt, but you would as well – one way or another, but at least, this way, you had no idea. It was better if you thought I was some heartless monster than some messed up person…”

Edward wants to once more remind his boyfriend that he is not some monster and that everyone has their own imperfections, but there’ll be time for that later. He needs to make sure that his boyfriend leaves this conversation knowing and reassured that he is not broken.

“And when I found out about you and Calvin, well that pretty much sealed the deal. You had moved on and I was not about to break that up, regardless of my feelings. I didn’t want to make things even more awkward and complicated, so I kept my mouth shut and just – played it cool; or at least tried to.”

“What a success that was,” Edward chides even though Étienne had indeed kept his distances and hadn’t brought up his feelings until much later – until after they’d reconnected and after that still.

“You know what I mean. I may have been called many things in my life, but I wasn’t about to fuck up your relationship just because I was jealous and still loved you.”

“I know, Sweetheart, I know,” Edward takes a hold of Étienne’s hand and presses a soft kiss to it. He hopes Étienne understands that he’d never thought that about him. He’s relieved when his boyfriend gives his hand a squeeze and that the bite from his voice peters off.

“It helped when I met new people. That was and is always fun. Building that initial connection, finding that first spark – what they like and what they want. It’s what makes it interesting, really, but of course, even when I hooked up with people just for sex – even when everyone was aware this was just a casual thing, there were still some who’d go ahead and say they loved me. They’d end up thinking that just because we’d meet up a second or third time that it was turning into a serious thing. I just liked their company or wanted to sleep with them again. But they never got it.”

“At some point, I even faked it. Went along with it. I thought it would be easier. They’d say they loved me, and I’d return it. It – never worked, obviously. I would get tired of pretending. It always felt fake. How could I tell someone I loved them, when they were just a casual friend to me? Or a stranger I had just met? Like, yeah, maybe eventually I would’ve felt love for them – like, with Isabella. We get along great and we certainly have fun, but it’s a casual thing to me. I can’t predict the future, but I certainly do need the time to get to that whole love thing.”

Edward had been wondering about Isabella, quite honestly. He’d heard of her, over the years, more or less, and Étienne had mentioned a few things about her, but he’d never asked. At first, afraid that his own chance with Étienne was shot and later one because he knew that Étienne loved him and therefore, that was all that mattered to him. Étienne was free to do whatever it was he wanted and if he wanted to share with him on anything, he’d be there to listen.

Still, with this conversation, he’d been hesitant to ask, afraid Étienne would think he was accusing of something. He’s quite sure he wouldn’t have minded if his boyfriend would have told him he loved Isabella, but he’s also – for the time being – relieved. He supposes he can reflect on exactly why later. There’s enough to process as it is.

“Yet, it seemed like everyone was after love and everyone equated sex with love, when those two things can be so diametrically different. For so long – for so fucking long there was barely even love in marriages. And now these people were finding love when it was only sex!” He shakes his head as if still in disbelief and Edward gets it, in parts. He’d gone after his fair share of sex only and had only wanted that. He can only begin to imagine how tricky it must have been for Étienne.

“Eventually, the other person would feel that there was something off with me. Sometimes, they confronted me about it and then would call me heartless or other such names. How could I not feel the same? They’d ask. What did I mean when I said I didn’t feel love but I didn’t mind them? I must be a monster if I only wanted sex. Christ – why the rush?! They couldn’t understand and it just made me question everything all over again. Had I ever really even loved anyone? Was I really broken? Were they right? Had I missed some great big boat where they were handing out love?”

“I got tired of that – I’m tired of that.” He sighs and passes an agitated hand through his fringe, before he tugs on a curl that Edward watches bounce back into place. He carefully reaches out for Étienne and puts a comforting hand to his knee.

“It took me so long to come to terms with the fact that no, I’m not broken.” He admits quietly, “I’m just fine the way I am and it’s okay if romantic feelings never appear, yet every time someone would bring it up, it felt like going back to square one – like I was still that same young man from so many years ago who was terrified I was made broken with missing parts. It honestly got discouraging at times. Like – hell, there’s even a word for it now! Can you believe it?!” He asks without really addressing Edward, “Demi-romantic, how’s that for fun, eh? How fan-fucking-tastic! I now have a shiny new word I can dangle in their faces. As if I needed that to prove my worth! I don’t need crap from others! And I certainly wish my brain could fully get on board with that as well!” He lights up another cigarette, mindful to let the ash fall into the ashtray Edward had dug out for him. He seems a little annoyed, still, - frantic – as if talking about this has brought up some pent up frustration and unprocessed emotions of his, and Edward gently nudges his shoulder and offers him a small smile.

“You know, even if you had never told me any of this – about you being demi-romantic, I would have never thought of you as broken. I like you the way you are – always have, really.” He knows these words can’t heal all of Étienne’s wounds and he knows they certainly can’t erase the wrongdoings of the past, but he hopes they bring Étienne some comfort, if nothing else. That if Étienne thinks the whole world doesn’t get him, that he’ll always have him. That Edward will always stand in his corner, regardless of their relationship status.

Étienne gives a sheepish sort of shrug, and takes a long drag from his smoke, before he passes it to Edward, who’s more than thankful for the hit of nicotine. “I’m sorry I went off like that – that turned into some never-ending tangent.” Étienne knows he doesn’t usually over share. In fact, it usually always takes him ages to open up, but Edward has always been his confidant and this had more or less been things he already knew. It had just been different to – verbally tell him, but if they are supposed to be more open and discuss things, he supposes this is a good way to go about it.

“Don’t apologise – I don’t mind listening to whatever it is you have to tell me, you know that, right?”

Étienne nods after a moment, “Yeah; thanks for sticking around through all of this, really. I know none of this changes how I acted towards you and what I said and didn’t say, but I’m glad you didn’t toss me under a bus after that whole debacle. I’m glad we got to be friends again and that we’re back together.”

Edward chuckles and loops an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders to pull him close, “For what it’s worth, I’m also glad we got to be friends again and that we’re back together, silly. I missed having you around.”

For the first time since this conversation has started, Edward feels as though Étienne’s smile is genuine and it settles something in him. He presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheeks and holds him to his chest for a moment.

“That’s it – really. I’m just – demi-romantic and was afraid you’d freak out on me, like so many others had. And after all the grief and loss from Gen to Charlotte, Nicholas and Koffey – I was afraid I’d lose you as well. So I kept quiet and – ended up regretting that even more...” He trails off for a moment and Edward feels him tighten his hold on him, “But here we are now,” He says, making his voice sound strong and stopping it from breaking. Despite everything, he’d made it. Despite everything, he’s here, with Edward and Edward still loves him and still wants him in his life.

“Here we are now.” Edward parrots back. It has to mean something. It has.

FIN

Part IV

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #fic #projocanondoko #IT IS OVERETH

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the-reaper-of-maidens · 4 years ago

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Shadow Walk

Coming in FAST with that quality Lady Di x OC ONCE AGAIN~ The Reaper’s dark magic abilities are slowly starting to take shape, and it’s up to Alcina to teach her the ropes. I hope I explained how this ability works well enough... And yes, more soft Alcina ksksksk TW: abuse mention

Some headcanons: the daughters have different abilities, but that might change when the game comes out and we find out more. c: I’m also gonna assume dark magic is a thing in this game, since Daniela can do spooky dark magic stuff in the demo.

Viorica is the oldest daughter, and Aurelia is the youngest. Pointless, since they’re only mentioned in this story, but... still!

“Now, with any new ability, you have to practice it and hone it, my dear Reaper,” Alcina swirled a wine glass, finishing off the last of it. “Once you get this down, shadow walking is a powerful skill.”

“Makes sense, I wasn’t an all star tennis player after one day,” the Reaper finished off her own drink, a HarSha black tea with honey and blood. She rolled her shoulders back and tossed her leather jacket to the side to make things easier.

“How did it feel, the first time you walked into the shadows?” the castle’s mistress asked as she set her wine glass down, trying to pinpoint the issues to help her hound dog improve.

“Crushing, like I turned flat as paper and it was hard to breathe, so I panicked and clawed my way out,” the Reaper explained, shuddering at the memory.

“Not surprised, the first time in the shadow realm is always… terrifying. It’s exactly why I cleared out my entire day: to teach you how to better utilize shadow walking. The very first step is to relax. Loosen up. Take a breath before you step into the shadows and breathe in and out… in and out slowly and evenly,” Alcina advised. “The second step is do not be afraid. Don’t let the dark and fear get to you, my pet, because that’s a fast ticket to stay stuck in the shadow realm.”

“So… just relax and don’t get scared. Sounds easy enough.”

“But do not underestimate its difficulty. It’s far easier said than done, O Reaper Mine,” the lady of the castle strongly warned. “It’s far more dangerous shadow walking unprepared than it is to astral project prepared.”

“Typical dark magic stuff, everything has a risk when it comes to that,” and with that, the Reaper took a few breaths to psych herself up, slowly stepping into a nice little corner rife with darkness by the throne. She normally hid away in this spot, anyways, in case Alcina wanted her at the ready to dispose of someone who was being a bother.

“Just focus on entering and exiting for now, Reaper. Don’t let the branching paths within the shadow realm distract you,” the mutant vampiress nodded, watching her little hunter ease into things. “Hmm,” she poured herself another glass of wine as she watched. For now, she didn’t feel the need to take a stroll in the shadow realm with her, as the Reaper needed to get used to being alone in the shadow realm first.

“Okay, don’t get distracted…” the Reaper repeated to herself as she went in. The shadow realm was, as Alcina said, terrifying the first time. The shadow realm was full of a person’s darkest fears and most painful memories, which was why the gargantuan woman stressed the importance of keeping calm. “...Don’t…” she swallowed nervously as she saw the eerie specters of her birth family in the voidscape, all eyes on her as if casting judgment on her, “get distracted…” She remembered her mistress’s words and decided to dip out before the shadows would try to drag her in. She stepped back out into the mortal world, slashing her way out as she panted heavily, shaking off the dark tendrils that still clung onto her arms.

“Breathe, Reaper,” the vampiress reminded her hound dog, watching her take a breather as she sat down against a wall. Alcina stood up to give the Reaper some encouraging words. “Don’t be surprised if you fail many times. I have experienced it many times myself when I was learning,” she knelt down to her hunter’s level.

“...You? Failure?” the Reaper was surprised, to say the least. To her, Alcina Dimitrescu, the lady of the castle, was the epitome of grace and perfection. How could she have possibly failed at anything?

“Mother Miranda taught me all I needed to know when my own abilities started manifesting. If it makes you feel any better… I saw slayers in the void, doing unspeakable acts on the servants of the castle. My fears actually became even worse when my daughters went under my protection,” Alcina admitted. “It’s horrific, is it not, to see your constant fears being personified in the shadows? That paralyzing grip… you can’t let your fears win, Reaper. If you do, they’ll drag you away, never to be seen again. It’s a fate worse than death, my dear.”

“Wow… I didn’t think you feared anything,” the Reaper admitted. “...Makes my own feel stupid. I saw my birth family, judging me. I was scared because I saw Pop again… I was scared he’d try to hit me. I was scared Ma would try to manipulate me to go back home. And my little bro? Tch. Less said, the better.”

“Shhh, your pain isn’t lesser than mine just because you think it is. Slayers are a rare occurrence. You went through torture every day. Those are not the same, Reaper. Even my own childhood pains can’t be compared to yours.”

The Reaper reached out for Alcina’s hand and gently squeezed it, nodding a bit. “I know… it’s just hard for me to realize that. Just… gimme a minute and I’ll be ready to face my trauma and fears again, Lady Alcina.” She liked it when Alcina was soft, it was a rather rare side of the mistress only she, besides the sisters, got to see.

“Of course. It’s never easy the first few times. I don’t expect you to suddenly get over years of abuse the second time you enter the shadow realm,” the lady of the castle was understanding, or more lenient than she would usually be, at least.

The Reaper took a few breaths, trying to compose herself in a few minutes. “I’m kinda curious… do your daughters have similar abilities?”

“Not quite. Past their strength and speed, it seems like they have different powers. Aurelia, for example, doesn’t swarm into moths like Daniela can. She can shapeshift, though. Viorica is excellent at using magic compared to the other two, so she much prefers hands-off fighting,” Alcina explained.

Soon enough, the Reaper was ready for another round. “I got this. Those specters won’t get to me…” she relaxed as she went into the shadows again. Naturally, she was still a bit tense seeing those laughing phantoms, but she stood tall (well, as tall as could be for 4’9”). She turned tail only once the one depicting her father stepped forward, fist raised. “Sorry… it’s Pop. He’s the big hangup, it seems,” the Reaper sighed.

“You did say he gave you some of your scars… I’m not surprised. We’ll take it one day at a time, Reaper,” Alcina nodded. “Once you get past your little hurdle and get used to being alone in there, I will join you in the shadow realm to show you how to navigate. It can be… difficult, due to how fluid shadows can be.”

“I think I get what you mean, it all depends on the angle of light, and that can drastically change the shadow it casts.”

“...Exactly, my dear. It’s another reason traversing the shadow realm is more dangerous than the astral plane. Unless you have furniture that you never move, your starting point might not even be there when you get back, so you can’t rely on that. Just be ready to end up in a different spot in the castle when we do that,” Alcina gave her hunter a heads up.

For now, though, the Reaper needn’t worry. She just focused on getting used to the horrors of the voidscape, bit by bit every day. “Okay, I think I’m mostly okay now, Lady Alcina. Realizing that they’re only phantoms helped me out a lot… they can’t hurt me,” she confided after months of simple practice, just shifting between mortal plane and shadow realm.

“Good,” Alcina nodded in approval. “That will be your armor, my Reaper.”

“We just need a big enough shadow for you to walk into, but luckily… we got one right here, if you don’t mind bending down a bit,” the Reaper smacked the wall nearest to her. It was evening, so the sun cast some decent shadows on some of the objects. The petite hunter learned during her training that she needed a shadow big enough to enter (if she couldn’t get into it crawling, it was too small, she found), that she couldn’t go into shadows with many holes, and that she obviously couldn’t go into her own shadow.

“I wonder where we’ll end up tonight,” Alcina giggled charmingly as she took off her hat and set it down somewhere, which sent shivers down the Reaper’s spine.

Oooh, maybe it’ll be our room, the Reaper was flushed behind her bandana as she followed the countess into the shadow realm. Of course, with Alcina by her side, she wasn’t scared of these shadowy wisps tormenting her for who she loved, and with her at Alcina’s… the countess was reassured that slayers wouldn’t dare enter Castle Dimitrescu.

“Eyes up, my pet, the branching paths have subtle cues to clue you in where they lead you to. Blink and you’ll miss it,” Alcina patted her hunter’s head. She squinted, noting a vague blob resembling a table. “I believe… this one leads to the dining hall,” she led the Reaper through the twists and turns, and out they came, stepping out from next to a cabinet. “It can be dreadfully difficult to ascertain where the path will lead,” the mutant sighed. “I’m glad we didn’t pop up from underneath the table this time.”

“...It’s happened before?”

“...I don’t want to talk about it,” Alcina pursed her lips in embarrassment at that memory. Hell, even to this day, it still happened on occasion. “Now, let’s keep going in your training, my darling hunter. Just follow my lead, and you might get rewarded nicely~”

#lady dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu x oc #abuse ment //

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willowaudreykeyes · 4 years ago

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Okay: I’ve watched it 4 times and here’s the things about the episode that I find interesting. Or that I’m looking too much into. You guys can all decide because idk.

- Roman seems to make alliterations when he's shocked? He's done it before, but now he's done it again and when he's surprised that Thomas 'lied' or 'tricked' the ticket person.

- Virgil has resting disappointed face even as he eats popcorn.

- Roman is very dramatic about the age thing. "He's in his thirties, he may as well be in his sixties." "Can't think of new excuses quick enough in his old age."

- "I love you" is very big words. Do not use them, or forget them, lightly around Virgil.

- Have they always been on his back so much about lying, or was it only after Janus was introduced?

- Possibility: Romans eyes actually change into hearts when cute guy appears?

- Also: Roman goes into Shakespearean when cute guy appears.

- Roman is so optimistic when it comes to love! But not about other Sides? He's rather pessimistic when it came to Virge (at the beginning) and Janus. And kinda Remus too.

- Roman has used "We don't know if he's not gay" more times then the three can count.

- Pins equals introverts way of talking apparently. I guess that makes sense, since there’s pins for almost every kind of hobby, and Virgil knows this too.

- Roman sounds rather happy when they found out that Nico likes Paramore. Supporting his emo friend and his hobbies right there.

- “The Nightmare Before Christmas” is and will always be a Prinxiety thing. Did you see those star eyes Roman gave? And how happy-surprised Virge was?

- Virgil does think about romance too. “You can live like Jack and Sally, if you want.” Kind of cute.

- Virgil has eyes like a damn hawk. He saw those pins and went full on x10 zoom on them.

- Roman’s got some adorable music happening when more clues appear.

- Sticker/Button System must be followed or Virge no happy.

- Roman is almost as good as Patton with puns, except he has to explain it. Has he done that before? I feel like he has. I feel like this is a thing but I’m not sure.

- Roman and Virgil have about the same wavelength when it came to the creepy stalking-ish part. They both cringe when Thomas goes off to the side.

- If you use a word at the end of a sentence that sounds like a name at Roman, he thinks you got his name wrong. He did it at some other point I can’t remember when but he does this. Kind of feels like a autism and/or ADHD trait? (I know I for sure get confused sometimes)

- “Great... he’s gay” “Great indeed...” “GREAT INDEED” I love them. Just gonna say that again.

- Roman has this big thing about his name and it doesn’t seem like its a thing he’s faking? He seems genuinely confused. The one that’s two above mentions it, and the way he spelt it at the trial? And how he seemed very defensive when Janus spelt it wrong? This is a thing.

- Virgil is a self-proclaimed expert of anti-social etiquette and I say he deserves that title.

- Virgil also really likes non-verbal ways of communicating.

- Roman does the thing where you put your two pointer fingers together and its adorable.

- Fast head nod of agreement coming from Roman here. Over dramticness? Or actual quirk?

- Roman very much freaks out when flirting goes wrong. Not just a Virgil thing.

- Virgil be scaring Thomas with zero regrets when he lost his test that the Universe gave him.

- Virgil be very glad to admit when he’s panicking. He also has admitted when he’s anxious in the past. He knows it, acknowledges it, makes Thomas and the others deal with it because dealing with it isn’t in the job description.

- Roman’s fine with compromise! Virgil gives an idea that attempts to help the romance part, Roman’s not 100% happy but rolls with it. Besties right here (even if they don’t know it). He does have a limit though.

- Nicknames are forever with Roman.

- Virgil is on Thomas’ left side, the more ‘thinky’ side of the brain. Roman is on the right, the more ‘feely’ side of the brain. It’s kind of more obvious in the scene where they grab Thomas a lot.

- Roman really slips with his feelings when he’s stressed. He says stuff that’s usually more about his self-worth. “You’re making a mistake.” “If I am, I’ll add it to the list.” That was said under a lot of stress and frustration. He’s done it before and he’s done it again; except now they don’t address it and it’s just a passing sentence.

- pLaNt

- Virgil would rather embarrass Thomas by making him talk to a stranger, instead of the guy that he thinks is cute? I mean, its very embarrassing by the end of it and Virge barely seems affected by it.

- And now Virgil is compromising. He works with Roman to make sure that Thomas looks okay (the “check your teeth” line).

- idk wtf the sty’s thing is about. Weirdly placed anxiety over it? Or something?

- Roman is very impulsive and basically throws Thomas into the trash can when a bad thing happens in front of a lot of people. Ego was definitely hurt there. Why hide instead of run away? Did Virgil sorta influence that?

- Plans help anxiety. Pretty sure they’ve covered that topic before, but lets just do a recap in this I guess.

- Virgil is half the people on this platform “Cyberstalking... but real life”. I mean, everyone makes a metaphor that has an actual word behind it sometimes.

- “Try Speaking from the heart” ... I expected Patton, but there has been moments before where a Side who is expected to be there, isn’t there. Logan showed this in “Moving On” when he physically left but he never REALLY left. Patton showing up to add his own words to this may have been too much for him? Or he thought it would be for the others?

- Ah crap here’s the monologue-

- First off, it’s very honest. Full on honesty. With no holding back. And it really hit the feels; but is it realistic though? (Genuinely asking I’ve never been in that kind of situation)

- Very rambly too “I honestly don’t know what I’m doing at the mall today. I don’t know what I was looking for... I guess that answers my question- The mall is where you go when you want something but you don’t know what it is because the mall has everything.” Very rambly, very nervous, very honest.

- Roman and Virgil are very... in awe? Shocked? What is this? Roman looks so contemplative as he looks at himself in the mirror and I wanna be in his brain and know what he’s thinking.

- “I don’t know a lot about anything. Least of all, myself.” Okay, Janus just pulled all the way away for a full minute and forty-eight seconds (this is 99% accurate) to just let Thomas talk and feel didn’t he? This is just complete honesty.

- Anyone would be awkward with the guy coming out of that stall. I’m awkward thinking about it and seeing it again. Moving on-

- “I gotta stop wooing strangers in bathrooms” just a 3000 word fic of at least one other time that he’s done this and I will be yours forever

- Virgil is a dramatic emo who dislikes lying. Crossed arms, waiting outside for him, looks up when he says “you know what I meant”- They’re all part of an actor your at least a LITTLE dramatic.

- Virgil has a big thing about lies and relationships. This has to do with him and Janus’ relationship somehow- It’s about Thomas’ relationships with friends and his romantic life too. He didn’t seem as annoyed about them in the ‘Lies’ song way back when which didn’t mention lying about any type of relationship.

- “Can’t have true love if the relationship isn’t built on truth.” Is this what he was thinking about in the bathroom? Its a cute line either way.

- Okay, Roman and Janus have some kind of... something. Cause a lot of Roman’s talks about his goals for Thomas pushes Thomas into relying on Janus until Roman realises that it’s morally bad OR (as seen in the talk after the bathroom scene) when he realises that it’ll be bad for Thomas in the long run.

- “Will (D)deceit continue to be the answer to all of your problems? Is that fair to him?” HIM WHO!? Janus or Nico!? Both!? AHHHH! This could mean so much in any direction you throw it but I can’t find the dang words!! “No, he’s better off without me.” This could just be Thomas misunderstanding the ‘him’ Virgil means too or he does understand idk-

- “I was afraid you left!” *INSERT TWO SIDES SCREAMING HERE* Hahaha he’s literally screaming on the inside omg-

- “He fears things too!?” Virgil doesn’t understand how people work when he’s worked up. Duly noted.

- Roman and Virgil equals A Gay Panic

- Thomas’ first thought when panicked is to ask the guy, that he thinks is cute and has been trying to get the attention of for the last while, ‘what is wrong with you?’ ... 10/10 Thomathy

- .Roman seems... a little resigned that another ‘chance at happiness’ is walking away? I mean, he’s super sad but resigned to his fate. That’s sad as hell. He’s USED TO THIS and I don’t like that 😢

- Virgil’s scene where he looks between, NOT Thomas, but Nico and Roman, is really well done and filled with... a lot. He psyches himself up first of, taking in quick breaths before pushing Thomas, obviously afraid but still doing it anyway. And the look he gives a very resigned Roman looks like its both guilt and sadness. Could just be me thinking that he has a ‘this is my fault’ thing.

- Full on surprise on Roman’s face when Virgil pushes Thomas. No one was expecting that.

- Carrots. The carrots brought them together. Thomas... you don’t have to eat carrots, but at least say ONCE that they aren’t all bad.

- “I like songs” you’ve also written some and sung x5 as many but okay, go with that I guess. (Is this to not brag about being a singer right away? I guess so?)

- If Nico was writing about something that happened midway through his visit to the food court, what was he writing about before that? Did he have nothing until Thomas tripped over the bin?

- “I tend to waste a lot of opportunities in my life” Then cuts to Virgil. Ouch. Direct hit on Virge...

- BRAVERY. (i’ll get back to this-)

- “Shut up, emo.” No complicated nicknames; just the easy picking. Very cute. Very yes. Roman your a sap and its great.

- When Thomas is telling Roman to ‘get out’, he sinks down and is he biting his thumb? He’s still excited. And I’m adding ‘biting’ to his list of stims.

- Virgil claps his hands. Roman and Virgil both cover their mouths. Both yell. Manic hand movements. Virgil gets Thomas to walks around and flappy hands. (And the nervous pee too I guess?)

- OKAY. EYESHADOW. Big thing, also new. I believe that it may be him ‘growing’ as a Side. First, he believed that he was JUST Thomas’ anxiety. Then comes to term with being more then that, which helps him become a ‘Light Side’. And now, he’s learnt that ‘fear’ and ‘bravery’ can both be present at the same time and is now growing from that as well. So, his back and forth between black and purple could mean a back and forth of the ‘fear’ and ‘bravery’ aspects. Thomas about to send a bad tweet? Black. Optimistic about things ‘never being the same again’? Purple. Thomas bringing up that they just met? Black. Its a promising start? Purple again. Purple when something optimistic, its purple. Pessimistic, its black. There’s a thing happening there.

- And also, lots of smiley Virgil when he goes purple. Brave enough to smile? Or optimistic enough to be truly happy about it?

- “Join me! No thinking!” Okay, all the ‘Roman Himbo’ stans have already gone nuts over this so I’ll keep going XD

- Roman’s first date idea is to go to France immediately and I love him for being so honestly over-the-top

- Dogs are the demons of anxiety its now a fact. They even bring out the Tempest Tongue, despite hearing the dog “thirty times a day”.

- Do not tell Virgil to relax. Black eyeshadow. Very on brand tbh. He does not relax and you should know this by now Roman.

All in all; I love them and the entire episode ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

#ts spoilers #sanders sides spoilers #sanders asides spoilers #roman sanders #virgil sanders #roman headcanons #virgil headcanons #i guess?#tw caps #willowkeyes for reference #willowkeyes rants #*throws at Tumblr* imma go rb art now

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somedayonbroadway · 4 years ago

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I am literally begging you to tell me about the Psych AU???

(Just to be clear this will be set in the fantasy land where all cops are trying their best to be good all the time. Thank you!)

So Psych was actually probably my favorite show for a lot of my life so I am pretty excited about this one. For those of you that haven’t seen the show, go watch it. It’s on Peacock and I believe it’s still on Amazon Prime. Definitely it’s at its best in the first three seasons, but it never ceases to be funny. However, I enjoy the first season a lot more because of how smart they portray Shawn without having him also be, for lack of a better word, an idiot. Shawn is incredibly smart and his humor and charisma highlighted that instead of hiding it and I miss that in the later seasons, but it is still a really funny show and I do recommend it.

Anyways, enough of me ranting.

Just to be clear, it could work with either Jack or Race as Shawn, and if you would like to see this AU the other way, just let me know!

Psych AU

Characters

Racetrack Higgins — Shawn Spencer

Albert DaSilva — Burton Guster

Jack Kelly — Henry Spencer

Spot Conlon — Juliet O’Hara

David Jacobs — Carlton Lassiter

Medda Larkin — Chief Karen Vick

Racetrack Higgins (Shawn Spencer)

Tyler James Kelly had never had an easy life, with his drunk father or absent mother who had him on accident with a man she barely knew

His father had named him Anthony Higgins

When he’s six all of that changes when his half brother takes him in, against his father’s wishes.

Jack renames him Tyler James Kelly.

Race didn’t know Jack all too well back then. But he looked up to him, even if he’d refuse to admit it later.

Jack is eighteen and just starting out as a beat cop. But Jack’s father had been training him to be a good cop his whole life. Right up till he died.

Race never knew what a parent was supposed to look like. So when Jack began to test and train him, he didn’t think anything of it.

Race has a eidetic memory and Jack knows it even if his baby brother refuses to acknowledge it

The kid is hyper observant and quick witted which often can lead him into trouble though he describes it as being useful stay one step ahead intellectually while being one step behind physically

Was born two months too early and has always been pretty thin and small

Loves classic movies and television shows and often references them

Is wickedly smart and clever, resulting in him graduating high school three years early and leaving New York to travel the country

Growing up he’s best friends with his next door neighbor, Albert DaSilva, who he relies on constantly as he has a fear of abandonment

While growing up with Jack, Race finds himself somewhat resenting his brother who constantly pushes him to be more and do more and get better. He explains that Jack never let him just be a kid, and never lets Jack explain why he has him memorize how many hats are in the room and learn how killers and criminals operate

When he’s fifteen he takes the detective’s exam and gets a perfect score but refuses to go into law enforcement, instead chooses to leave Jack behind, illegally, and travel around the country on a bike he wins in a poker game with a bunch of old men who think he’s no threat.

When he’s eighteen, he inevitably ends up back in Manhattan.

After not speaking with Jack for three years, he has no idea if he’s still even there and is terrified to face him, feeling bad about running away and not knowing if Jack will forgive him.

He gets his own apartment, taking odd jobs around town to make ends meet

He starts going by Anthony Higgins again, but most of his friends just call him Race, a nickname he got from Albert when they were very young

Albert is the only one who knows when Race is back in town and Race makes him swear not to tell Jack.

Race often spends his nights watching the news, calling in tips to the police whenever he figures out a crime that they can’t.

Eventually this leads him to getting arrested before he even turns nineteen, as the police suspect he’s an inside man

In order to get out of this, he tells a lie that he believes will be a one time thing.

He makes the cops believe he is psychic.

Things spiral out of control from there.

After making the majority of the station believe he has the gift (all except for one skeptic who happens to be head detective) he thinks they’re going to let him off the hook.

He has no idea the chief of police is going to ask for his help

Actually excited by the idea, Race runs to Albert’s school and begs him to help him out. Albert is reluctant at first but eventually agrees

Race and Al go out investigating as private detectives until Race figures out the case, leading them straight to the suspect who turns out to be dead.

With nowhere else to turn, Race goes back to his brother, a brilliant detective who got injured in the line of duty and retired early, for help

Jack isn’t even shocked to see him. He’s not surprised, he’s not happy and he’s not angry. It makes Race mad.

Jack takes Race out to lunch where he lets Race talk and tells him that he’s the ultimate disappointment because Jack told Race all growing up how much he hated private detectives and psychics. But ultimately, he helps Race out anyway

This leads to Race solving the case and getting recognition for it. Jack keeps his secret and is even secretly proud of him

The happiness he feels at that convinces Race to open up his own agency with Albert

Throughout their journey as detectives, Race ends up falling for a junior detective, a transfer from Brooklyn who is a partner to the skeptic head detective, David Jacob, his brother’s former partner and best friend.

Spot, the Junior detective, often flirts with Race and leads him on, but they don’t start a relationship until five years later.

Race is faced with countless situations where he becomes a target for serial killers and criminals who come after his and his friends and family.

Race gets shot and kidnapped at one point.

He and Albert get held captive constantly and The Yin Yang killer, a serial killer who had been messing with the department for years, takes a special interest in him, causing his current boyfriend to be nearly drowned, Spot to be nearly dropped from a clock tower, Jack to be nearly blown up and he and Albert to be nearly poisoned.

Despite only telling this lie to get out of going to jail for a crime he did not commit, he ends up sticking with it and finding his purpose in life was to help others instead of help himself and loves it

Albert DaSilva (Bruton Gaster)

Grows up with a good life.

His mother died when he was really young, not even a year old, and he lived with his father and two much older brothers who spoiled him and loved him.

Albert was always smart. He was always smart in different ways than Race was and enjoyed learning and gaining better understandings of things

When he was young, he wanted to become an astronomer. He always loved the planets and the stars.

While being academically advanced, he knew that graduating with Race was not the best option for him as he used to doubt himself when Race wasn’t around to tell him how much he needed him

As a child he applied for a school for advanced students, which he was accepted into. His father refused to send him on account of wanting him to be a kid which Albert never truly liked being

His father never did appreciate the influence that Race had on his son, but allowed it in order to let Albert be a kid because he knew Albert needed it

Albert loved academic activities growing up and had nearly won a national spelling bee that Race botched for him. After learning this, Albert is angry with Race and realizes his friend’s need for him as Race eventually admits he was scared his only friend was going to leave him

Albert is very independent and enjoys doing things on his own, much to Race’s dismay

Al was voted most likely to succeed in high school

When Race runs away, Albert knows about it and tries to stop him, but believes Race will get nervous and come back

When that doesn’t happen, Albert is too embarrassed and scared to tell anyone so he lets Race go, feeling abandonment for the first and possibly only time in his life and he’s always secretly a little angry with Race for leaving

Albert goes to college right out of high school and studied medicine, wanting to become a doctor

When Race comes back into town, he ends up missing a lot of classes and barely manages to stay ahead in school

He still works towards becoming a doctor, which often helps with solving crimes

After finding out he does not like the sight of blood and dead bodies, he switches to forensics which also helps with a lot of investigations

Albert’s oldest brother is a rocket scientist at NASA and his other brother is an engineer

He constantly feels as though he’s trying to catch up and be just as accomplished as his brothers

Albert was pep captain in high school in attempts to be popular. While he did have more friends than Race, he didn’t accomplish actually being popular, but hanging around so many girls turned him into somewhat of a ladies man

During his senior year spring break, Albert, who’s already eighteen, heads down to Mexico with some friends but ends up meeting a girl. He gets drunk and marries her before leaving and never speaking of it again, not seeing the girl until years later when she is getting remarried.

After helping Race on his first case, Albert finds he had a knack for assisting his friend in crime fighting and, though often gives Race a hard time about it and complains, genuinely enjoys helping

Is very protective of his car that his father pays for, affectionately named the Blueberry by Race who picks up the name from a stuck up client

Albert knows Race better than Race knows himself and is sometimes the only thing actually keeping him from chaotically causing his own accidental death, despite Jack’s best efforts.

He has a very refined sense of smell

Grew up catholic and believes in demonic possessions and exorcisms

In an attempt to be cool when he was younger, Albert learned how to pick locks and crack safes

Is often given ridiculous nicknames by his best friend while they’re out solving cases, just for fun. He just rolls with them typically.

He joined an a capella group in college because he knew how to sing and was curious as to what it would be like. Race always finds it entertaining.

Is an experienced tap dancer

Has trouble doing things that are more on the dangerous side while Race doesn’t mind jumping in head first just to see what will happen.

Albert’s father is very protective of him and, even when he’s being accused of murder, tries to constantly give Race money and have someone babysit and take care of him.

It isn’t until Race sets the record straight that Albert’s dad begins to trust him to take care of Al moving forward.

Albert is the only person Jack trusts with Race for a long time as Race had a history with bullies all growing up and never really wanted any other friends.

Albert becomes like another little brother to Jack and Jack teaches him some street smarts to get him by after Race runs away.

Albert helps take care of Jack after his career ending injury

Albert eventually becomes a forensic scientist and ends up working for the FBI

Jack Kelly (Henry Spencer)

A trouble maker when he was young, the only child of his father, James Francis Kelly Sr. and first born of his mother

When Jack is fifteen his father dies, murdered by a criminal who’d been out on a killing spree.

His father had always wanted Jack to follow in his footsteps and become an officer so, to honor him, Jack does

When Jack was twelve, his mother had had another baby. Jack did not know a lot about this, but after his father died, became very curious.

When asked about the baby, his mother got defensive, so he tracked the kid down on his own, finding him in a neglective home and immediately falling in love with the kid and wanting to protect him.

Although he often shows Race tough love, he genuinely makes it his life goal to keep the boy safe and protected

He renamed Anthony Higgins, Tyler James Kelly, because Anthony was originally named after his father, the man who almost never acknowledged that the kid existed and Jack didn’t want him walking around with that.

Even after Race starts introducing himself as Anthony again, he still calls Race Tyler and Tyler James and his little Tyler James because that’s still Race’s legal name

Jack is a bit of a troubled kid growing up.

He has ADHD

His father helped him channel that into being hyper observant and alert

His mother was a bit of a deadbeat, but Jack still loved her up until she died from lung cancer. He didn’t trust her to look after Race once, instead hiring experienced babysitters and sometimes even taking Race into work with him and having another officer watch him

When he first meets Race, he quickly picks up on the fact that the kid is special and had extraordinary talents and he wants to help Race use them in the best way

Jack is a very protective person, though he normally comes off as slightly intimidating stand-off-ish. He is genuinely friendly and actually is the inspiration behind Race’s sense of humor

Jack raises Race to be the perfect detective, believing he was doing this for Race’s own good as Jack himself is terrified of losing someone else, especially his baby boy who he finds he loves more than anyone else in the world.

While Jack was a bit of a prankster and a fighter growing up, his father explained to him that this was a good thing and would help Jack in the future as he knew how criminals could think

Jack is an artist and loves to paint and draw. It’s his most peaceful activity

He once arrested Race when he was fifteen for “borrowing” a car to impress a girl with Race later reveals he only did to keep the football team from finding out that he was gay

He moves up in the police force quickly, becoming the youngest head detective the department had

He is partnered with David Jacobs who quickly becomes his best friend and eventually replaced Jack as the head detective.

When Race runs away Jack is extremely hurt and goes through a small depression that ultimately makes him lose his focus and gets him into a bad car crash, ending his career as a detective

His knee is shattered and he can’t run as easily as he used to be able to.

Refuses help most of the time and locks himself away from the world until Albert comes knocking on his door

He lets the kid help him out

It is eventually revealed that Jack put a gps tracker in the dog tags that had been his father’s. He’d given them to Race because he convinced the kid they’d keep him safe. He knows where Race is at all times

This is why he’s not surprised when Race is back in town and this is how Jack continues to be able to find Race when Race is in trouble.

When Race is shot and kidnapped, his drops the dog tags and Jack panics because he’s never not been able to find Race and when he does eventually find him, he puts the dog tags back around his neck and yells at Race to never take them off again

That’s when Race finds out what Jack did

Jack is Race’s biggest critic and biggest supporter all rolled up into one

While he never truly approves of what Race is doing, he still does his best to help him and protect him as best he can and is always proud of him no matter what he does.

During his time in recovery, Jack sells paints and works on commission, starting his own arti website and becoming a fairly famous artist

When the Yin Yang killer returns to New York, it is revealed that Jack worked the case before but had not been the target of the serial killer.

He is kidnapped by Yang who knows somehow that he’d be unable to run and slightly traumatized him, placing him in a car at a drive in movie with a bomb in his lap

Though he tries to convince everyone that he’s not scared, Race ends up staying with him to comfort him through the nightmares.

After Yin and Yang strikes again, making it even clearer that it’s Racer he’s messing with, Jack accepts a job from the chief of police as a police liaison in attempts to keep Race safe

A few years later, another old case of his comes up and he realizes that the cops who trained him and worked with him were dirty and tampered with his evidence.

He is later shot point blank by one of his old partners and left for dead, but Race, who had followed him, manages to take him to a hospital, saving his life though it was a very close call

After all of this, Jack eventually retires from the police department, no longer respecting the badge as he’d used to and becomes a professor of criminology at the same college Albert attended where he meets Katherine, his future wife

Spot Conlon (Juliet O’Hara)

Sean “Spot” Conlon grew up being around cops a lot.

His father was a crook.

While he knew his father loved him, he also knew that his father was a conman and what he did was wrong.

Growing up, Spot would wake up to receive little gifts on his nightstand and eventually he figured out that his father had been breaking in to leave them for him, taking the window apart and putting it back together without a trace.

Spot loves his father but moves on and grows up to become a cop to stop people like his father from taking advantage of others

He has one older brother, Hot Shot, who is also a criminal, though he is a criminal in the name of the Army which he was trying to protect

Spot does have to arrest his brother but is not shocked to find that his brother escaped

Spot does have a younger brother, Charlie or Crutchie as he’s called by his brother, who he loves very much and tries to preserve as the kid is the only member of his family who is remotely innocent.

Crutchie eventually moves from Brooklyn to Manhattan to be closer to Spot and meets Spot’s friends who he adores.

Charlie is the one who reveals that Jack was one of Spot’s idols. Spot looked up to Jack because Jack was one of the youngest head detectives in the country and was an overall brilliant detective

Spot first meets Race while undercover. The conversation only lasts a few minutes before Race deducts that he is in fact a cop about to make a jump on someone.

Wary of Race at first, Spot keeps his distance. He is skeptical of Race’s “gift” buy after observing him behind to believe his abilities may be real

Upon his transfer to Manhattan to become a detective, Spot is partnered up with Jack Kelly’s old partner David, who is very stand-off-ish and mean at first

Spot and David begin to build a relationship based on trust and become like brothers after a long while

Originally, Spot is not taken very seriously as he’s very young and cares about how he looks. Many of the other cops make fun of him, calling him “pretty boy” and other derogatory names because they all know that he’s gay

David often sticks up for him but doesn’t let Spot thank him.

Spot eventually starts calling Race “pretty boy” as a means to give the words good meaning again

Spot is very good at going undercover for jobs and enjoys getting to be placed in different roles.

Race often tells him that if he hadn’t been a coo he would’ve been a hell of an actor but Spot doesn’t like that because he fears he’s becoming too much like his father

Spot is desperate to succeed in his work and often goes to Jack for advice (I know, they like each other in this one. It’s crazy)

Spot is very competitive and likes to be right.

He often brags about solving cases before others but does not put others down, necessarily, in the process

Though Spot is a bit on the shorter side, he makes up for it with muscle and strength.

When he gets angry, people back off, afraid of what he might do if he decides to take his anger out on them.

Spot is fluent in Spanish, just like Jack, and after Race and he start dating, they often have conversations about Race right in front of him.

After getting kidnapped by Yin, Spot is traumatized to the point of being unable to stay at the station.

He develops a paralyzing fear of heights that’s Race helps him through

Eventually, Spot becomes the head detective in Brooklyn when the chief is transferred there.

David Jacobs (Lassie Face)

David had always had a difficult time with trust

He grew up with a twin sister and a little brother.

His father cheated on their mother and his mother cheated on his father

His sister grew up and left without telling anyone.

His ex wife had cheated on him and left him

Suffice to say that trust didn’t come easy to him.

Growing up, Davey likes the rules and he likes enforcing them. He likes being in charge and he’s good at it.

David loves his younger brother a lot. Les is going to school for film and he loves getting insight about what police actually do. He likes to make documentaries

When David is partnered with the head detective, he’s shocked to find he actually likes Jack

Jack is the first person he truly trusts in a long long time

Jack becomes his best friend and only confidant

As he’s close with Jack, he does meet Race a few times, but when he questions Race about his tips under his old name, he doesn’t know why Race looks so familiar

It isn’t until David sees Race with Jack that he remembers.

Jack lies to David and tells him that Race is a psychic and found out when he was fifteen and that’s why he left even though he knows Davey won’t believe him

David understands and respects that Jack puts his little brother first

But the kid still annoys him

Despite not necessarily getting along with Race, David does everything he can to protect him as a ways to pay Jack back for all the times he’d saved his life

When Jack gets in his accident, David refuses another partner, nervous about not living up to Jack’s reputation.

His first new partner ends up being a girlfriend of his during his separation from his wife. Race outs the affair on accident and the woman is transferred

David and Spot don’t get along at first but Spot quickly shows David that he’s not any junior detective and is really good at what he does

He ends up really liking the kid

After Jack’s accident, David has a hard time going to see him, feeling as though he’d failed the other man somehow.

Eventually, he takes Jack out for a drink where Jack apologizes for screwing up and they have a bonding moment

Eventually, David finds himself infatuated with a suspect in a case he’s working

Though the girl is ultimately guilty, he visits her in prison and eventually marries her

His whole life all he’d wanted was to be the chief of police

Eventually, after Chief Larkin is transferred, his dream comes true.

He and Race manage to become friends and, after receiving a video message from Race, confessing to the fact that he’s not a psychic, he tears the disc out and breaks it, never needing to know how Race did what he did

I absolutely love this one, so if ya’ll wanna see any scenes from it, just let me know!

For more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years ago

Text

me in 2012/2013 reading the first hunger games book because it was popular bc of the movie: ooh seems cool but super political so that’s not cool bc political stuff is boring and stupid and not something that i’ll ever have to understand. plus all katniss does is fucking whinge. she’s so whiny. it’s annoying. guess i won’t read the rest of the books or watch the other movies.

me now, in my mid 20s having finally watched all the hunger games movies, having read the first two HG books in full and still reading mockingjay, all because suzanne collins was like “oh hey here’s a new book about president snow!” and also thinking about how the world is practically in ruins by 2020: yknow what? suzy has a fucking point! of course katniss is whiny, teenage me, she comes from the poorest district in the whole of Panem; where wealth is basically non existent except for those who live in shops. the capitol loves to watch 24 kids die each year while they live in extreme comfort and fancy, whereas every district from 2 down to 12 are all slaves to the capitol: even if they have some better off people in the districts, that work for the army (district 2) or run the electronics factories in district 3 or whatever else in the other districts. besides the motto of Panem’s capitol being “breads and circuses” which are provided by the districts; which katniss and peeta meet in Catching Fire, at the party for their state media orchestrated wedding (Y I K E S™️ am i right?) where octavia (one of katniss’ stylists) invites both katniss and peeta to use some funny concoction to make themselves throw up in the bathroom to fit more of the overly decadent capitol food dishes into their stomachs. talk about “waste not, want not” somewhere else away from katniss; because she’s literally almost starved to death and seen others starve to death countless times in district 12. and surely you could’ve recognised the reference to “bread and circuses” at least, after fucking studying ancient rome for two whole fucking terms in year 11, teenage me????

in addition to the above, the victors of the hunger games are forever terrorised by the government via various means; and especially so if they’ve defied the capitol like katniss & peeta or even haymitch (though that isn’t partly revealed til halfway through catching fire and wholly revealed through haymitch in mockingjay). they torture peeta to insanity, basically and then seemingly “deliver” him back to katniss in district 13 programmed to kill her!!!! they parade the tributes like beauty pageant contestants and animals for slaughter at a cattle show in district 10; right after training them as killing machines for the arena, where they’ll exhibit their newly honed murdering skills before an entire nation each day. like girl!!!! there’s so much to relate to the real world in this text!!! but you’re just going to brush it off because it’s “too political” and because “katniss is a whiny bitch!!!”??? like of course she’s whiny! she’s 16/17!!! just like you!!! but you’re just an asshole. learn to empathise with other fictional characters that A R E N T harry potter and the cast of characters in that series, for fucks sake. or alternatively, learn to empathise with characters that A R E N T ellie linton and her friends in the tomorrow series doing their guerilla fighting during a war in australia. because by Mockingjay, katniss is as much a guerilla fighter as ellie is a rebel fighter against the enemy country that invades australia in the tomorrow series. like yes, the tomorrow series isn’t set in a futuristic american post-apocalyptic hellscape like Panem. but that doesn’t mean that the state war that’s fully raging in mockingjay and breaking out in catching fire, due to the quarter quell and the former tributes being recruited again to go through the Murder Olympics™️/Hunger Games again as a form of state sanctioned terrorisation on their psyches, and those victors becoming enemies of Panem due to them voicing their feelings of injustice about being forced to compete in the arena again during their interviews...... is not the same as ellie in normal but war-torn 1990s australia; where ellie and her crew of friends basically become state enemies because of their large scale guerilla activities like blowing up enemy ships and airfields. just like how katniss and gale blow up bombing airships from the capitol in district 8 with their bomb loaded arrows or blow up the military base with rebel army fighters in district 2 in mockingjay. but yeah. just learn to empathise and connect with/relate to characters outside of your incredibly limited reading palate.

moreover, 7-8 years into the future in 2020, the world is in political turmoil, believe it or not. maybe you’ll relate to katniss as you grow more tired of the aussie government forever penalising the younger generations by taking away penalty rates on weekend and public holiday shifts in an already terrifyingly precarious job market that’s become highly casualised/part-time based, which is pricing them out of the property market also, due to lower wages/earnings bc part-time/casual roles don’t pay very well. then on top of that, having a generation defining pandemic. then thirdly, also having the worst set of bushfires in 2019 and earlier this year, that saw like 55million native animals die and millions upon millions of hectares of bushland be burnt to the ground. finally, they’ve made your dream arts degree basically unobtainable due to raising the fees by 113% to $43,500 instead of the $23,000 that it was when i graduated from that degree in 2018. also if you fail they want you to pay your fees upfront instead of relying on hecs to cover it all. all because it’s apparently for “saving the aussie economy.” are you pissed now, teenage me?

across the seas in america, however, donald trump is leading the country as president and he’s turning the country you bizarrely loved more than your home country (due to all the american docos and teen shows you watched/were watching) into a fascist shitshow which is killing millions of people. like i won’t be surprised if donald trump (or even scott morrison/scommo/scummo) if he/they get/s another term in office, and tries to introduce a hunger games style olympic games or something all so the poorest classes learn their place after rioting for most of this year over BASIC FUCKING HUMAN RIGHTS FOR BLACK LIVES MATTER (even here in australia too); because the police are turning into the brutal peacekeepers of Panem, but on a worldwide scale.

like if they introduced some type of HG style murder olympics, they’d do it just to prove that they may have actually read something other than their own stupid self-aggrandising and country/state-destroying twitter rants before they post them.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona tries to be political for once #but seriously though #finally reading the hunger games books is fucking me up #theyre well written for YA dystopian books and man #if one of them had been in that social justice and kids lit subject i did in 2017 in undergrad instead of that stupid feed book #i wouldve done really well in that subject probably #ellie and her friends also get media attention for their guerilla activity when they get to new zealand #and then ellie makes her war diaries into a book in the ellie chronices after the war #so she is strikingly similar to katniss in that regard #also how the hell did i have an attention span to get through at least 3 and a half books of the tomorrow series in high school #of the seven books of the TS #but no attention span for the 3 original hunger games trilogy books???#i have no idea #shit i just realised that the hunger games contestants are basically based on roman gladiators but with minimal armour #or no armour at all

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lowkeyorloki · 4 years ago

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Hi!! howareya?!

so I was just thinking

and since I love the way you portray this aspect of Loki so boldly, you were who I wanted to share my thoughts with :3

so yknow how Loki kinda sorta like ... killed 80 people in 2 days? and of course he was under the control of thanos, which no one knew at the time. But Loki knew. He knew to some degree what was to come - I say that given his quote to Tony regarding his pissing off of the Avengers (who weren't the Avengers yet) his quote being "that was the plan."

on that note, back to the 80 people ... What If the people Loki killed weren't innocent? What if he chose horrible under-the-radar criminals to clear out? We didn't hear Natasha say they were 80 innocent people in A1. Frigga asked him "What of the lives you took on Earth?" in TDW, not the innocent lives.

The thought of that makes sense, especially with his sudden remorse during the Battle of New York on top of Stark Tower with Thor. The chitauri did kill innocent people, and when Thor showed Loki the carnage around them, he was clearly shaken by it.

Thoughts? 💚💚

Well first, thanks for coming to me! I LOVE discussing Loki, so I’m so psyched you wanted to :)

I’m not sure if I personally think Loki killed (non) innocent people in Avengers. The first reason for that is, I don’t think the MCU writers were putting that much thought into Loki 😂 I love reading fan theories but I never believe them because the rely on the writers getting Loki’s character right which I just... don’t think happens much lmao.

The other thing is, I think in Avengers Thanos’s grip on Loki is deteriorating as the movie progress. My understanding is that’s why Loki is shocked to see the innocent who have been killed, because it’s in one of the moments he’s fought Thanos off.

BUT I think this would be such a cool idea to play around with in a fic? Like imagine if Frigga knew Loki hadn’t killed anyone innocent and was trying to convince Odin of that before she died. Think about Thor trying to figure out why Loki was regretful, but not as much as he could have been and then realizing Loki hadn’t let himself hurt those that didn’t deserve it.

Don’t let this headcanon go unnoticed by any means ❤️

#ask #theory

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studyingsobriety · 4 years ago

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Why Did I Get Help NOW

This was my second exercise for my rehab program. It's called "Why Now?" The purpose is to explain why we got help now and not a month ago or a month later. What led up to the point where I decided that I need help right now? Then, I had to write what could've happened had I not decided to get help.

Here's my story:

I was sitting in my bathroom floor. I was home alone, depressed, and wanted to get that daily high, but I wanted more this time. So I had a 100 pack of whippets (whipped cream chargers or cartridges of nitrous oxide which you can inhale). I felt guilty, ashamed, depressed, alone. I was having a panic attack so bad that I was retching into the toilet while I loaded up another whippet and hit another after another.

I knew whippets could cause seizures or even kill you, I had done enough research on it. But I liked them too much to care, they eased the pain. Part of me even hoped in that moment something dangerous would happen. That was my "rock bottom," as some call it. That was when I knew I had to change. This happened around Christmas time in 2020. As the days and weeks went by, I stopped doing the, everyday like I had been. But I would still give in every time the cravings were too intense to ignore. One day, I had another breakdown after using again. I was "sick and tired of feeling sick and tired." I was determined, and I was whippet-free for 3 weeks.

Until one day, I had another panic attack, and those cravings just came back. "It'll make you feel better." "They numb your body and your mind." "It'll make your emotions less intense." All of which were true while you're using...but after, it only gets worse. But I didn't think about the aftermath until I was sitting in my car, hitting a whippet, when someone walked up to my window. It was my roommates...I could see their hearts breaking, and it broke mine too. I wish I could say that's what brought me here and that I haven't done them since. But I did them the next day. And the next. And the next... Next thing I knew I had been using everyday again for a week.

I drained my bank account, both checking and savings. I would ask my parents for money for food and gas, but that's not what I was spending it on. I relied on my boyfriend and friends for any food. This whole time I was lying to everyone around me. Friends suspected but were too afraid to speak up. That last time I used, it was a Monday, I had class at 12. I told myself, "well, I'm going to be late anyway, might as well get some," so I did. I didn't go to class. I hit my last whippet. I had to use the bathroom, so I walked into a building on campus to use the restroom. I suddenly started crying, uncontrollably.

I felt that guilt and shame again, like I was a liar, a drug addict, I was hiding and taking money from my parents. I felt like a bad person, like I didn't deserve anything good. On top of that, I was having suicidal thoughts. I broke down, I asked my friends for help, I told them the truth. I'm lucky to have such understanding and supportive friends. One of them told me I should call the 24-hour on-call counselor we have on campus, so the next day, I did. She really, really wanted me to go to a rehab, but she wanted me to be in an inpatient rehab, which is a huge step and a big decision that I wasn't ready to make.

She set up an assessment for me with an inpatient rehab, but told me I didn't have to go if I wasn't ready. I've been in inpatient care before. In 2019, I admitted myself to a hospital for having suicidal thoughts. I had some...interesting experiences in there that scarred me a little. Of course, a rehab is different than a psych ward, but I think that lonely feeling would still be there. So I started researching outpatient rehab treatment programs. The first one I found was Lion Rock. I talked to them, and it sounded like a good fit for me. I wouldn't have to drop out of school for the semester, leave work for a few weeks, and I could still have my main support system with me (my friends and family). So it just seemed to be the best fit for me. And that's how I got here.

Now, here is what could have happened if I didn't reach out for help:

Had I not reached out for help or told anyone about my continuous use, I would've continued to use. It would've continued to be that endless cycle of "I'm depressed, some whippets would help" and "I did whippets again, I feel like I'm just a stupid drug addict." The depression would've progressed. I would continue to drown my anxiety and depression in intoxication. I would hide it from all the people willing to hold me accountable, because I wouldn't want to be held accountable. I'd rather get high than do what's best for me.

At some point after using regularly and hiding it for weeks or even months, there is only these negative outcomes of continuous use with no help:

I would be mid-whippet when my heart decides to stop or my body has a seizure from my organs getting so cold. Someone would find me in my car, with the canister still in my hand, with my lips purple, and my face cold. Whoever it would've been to find me, it would be a horrific scene for them. It would likely traumatize them for life.

I would be so depressed, so suicidal, I'd be blaming myself for everything. I'd tell myself, "this is who I am now." I would use the whippets as an act of self harm, hoping it'd kill me or give me a seizure. Praying that I'm putting myself in danger. It would be what I want. I'd want to physically hurt myself so that people can physically see my emotional pain. People don't understand what you're going through until they see it physically. Since people can't see your mental health, it's harder to understand how severe it gets sometimes unless you physically show them. And in that moment of self harming by whippets, I would hope I could physically show them my pain.

I would continue to use in a riskier manner. What I mean is, I would continue to drive while high on whippets. Driving down the road, loading one up, hitting it, holding my breath until I load up the next one, exhale, and hit another. It would be a high possibility I could kill myself. Or someone else. Worse case scenario, I kill someone else and am totally safe myself and have to live the rest of my life with the consequences. I could kill somebody's child, somebody's wife or husband, somebody's best friend, somebody's mother or father. I could have another incident where I black out while driving except actually passing out this time. I could run into a tree, run a pedestrian over, hit a motorcyclist, or just have a horrific freak vehicular accident. Granted, I could be totally fine and never actually get to the point of passing out while driving, but all of these are possibilities.

I could be sitting in my parked car or even driving down the road, hitting whippets, and a cop could possibly catch a glimpse of me inhaling something that doesn't quite look like a cigarette or vape at all. If they were to catch a glimpse and question what I'm doing, they could easily come up to my car or pull me over and ask what I was just doing. As someone who doesn't lie well, I'd freeze up, but there's no way I'd admit to a cop that I'm inhaling nitrous oxide in public or on the road. I'd probably say something like, "Oh, I was just sitting here on my phone," or "Oh, I'm just driving home, I was just hitting my vape." But they'd suspect. The bigger problem is if they'd ask me to step out of the car. That's where I'd be terrified. During my use, because I would do them so frequently in my car, there'd be piles of cartridges and boxes for whip-its! in the back of my car. They would find the numerous cartridges filling up my console, underneath the seat, in the cup holder, everywhere. The cop might not know right off the bat what it is exactly, but it would definitely be suspicious. They would ask, "what are these?" I would--not being able to lie--tell them they are whipped cream chargers. That they are used to make whipped cream. They would ask me, "why are there so many in your car?" That...I don't know what I would say. But I only see myself getting arrested at this point and possibly being reported to a rehab and being court-ordered to attend an inpatient rehab. Inpatient rehabs are scary to imagine, but being forced to be in one...even scarier.

"Whippets" could turn into something else. Like how marijuana turned into Adderall. And Adderall turned into the whippets. How do I know I wouldn't find a new substance to replace the whippet addiction? I don't know. I had tried Xanax a couple times and really liked it and craved it often, I just didn't have a source of finding it easily. I remember worrying Xanax was the next move. How would I know this replacement of one drug to another wouldn't lead me to heroin, meth, crack, or something terrible? Something that would take over my life the way marijuana, Adderall, and whippets did but is much harder to hide, harder to control. How do I know I wouldn't fuck up my brain from all the drugs? I could kill so many brain cells that I can't function. I was once hospitalized for severe anxiety and depression, I've met people who can't even function like a human because they were so messed up from the drugs they've used. I met people who couldn't relax without some xanny. How do I know that wouldn't be me in the future? I didn't know, I still don't know. It could've been me if I had continued.

Like I said, any of these scenarios would have been possibilities had I not reached out for help sooner. They were all possibilities when I was using and that's scary to think about. I have to say that I am grateful that I reached out for help myself. I wanted help before one of these scenarios became a reality. I am doing this all for me.

My takeaway from this exercise:

Writing out what led up to the point of getting help makes it clearer just how bad it really was. It's kind of sad. I knew it was a rough time, but reading it in black and white really opens my eyes, and it's crazy.

Writing what could've happened really makes me just feel...like the face palm emoji. Because not only were these scenarios possible had I continued to use, but they were all possible when I was using. And that's really scary. These scenarios really paint a picture, and not a pretty one. Overall, this exercise made me incredibly grateful that I decided to get help when I did.

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