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#you don’t need to know about that part
l4v3nd3rgl0w · 5 months
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It’s 2:36 AM for me 🤫
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emmcfrxst · 3 months
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jason todd swears like a sailor whenever you ride him. the visual of your body on top of his, the feeling of your hands on his chest and your cunt fluttering around him, the sweet sounds of your moans and mewls— everything about getting ridden makes jason’s dick hard and turns his brain to mush
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communistkenobi · 2 years
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something I don’t see people bring up a lot when talking about worldbuilding, especially when you’re creating cities, is wind. prevailing winds in many places in the northern hemisphere blow from west -> east, and because industrial production tended to take place in the centre of cities, workers would live downwind of factories while the wealthier classes would live on the other side, away from air pollutants, which is why a lot of cities have a poor east-end and a rich west-end, a spatial configuration that persists in many places that are now post-industrial
and in general the built environment has a durability to it that persists far past the historical moments that produce those configurations. this means that the stated aims of a city via a vis city planning are frequently at odds with the physical layout of the city itself. so if you want to create a city that feels like it has a long history to it, working through its earlier stages of production can help with decisions you make about its layout, and also allow for weird spatial contradictions in a city that has to constantly fight against its own physical history
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milimeters-morales · 1 year
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no but literally we need to take Prowler Miles away from these 20 something year old white women until they stop making him their “gangsta boo” just because he has cornrows and is the Prowler 😭😭 yall don’t even try to hide your disgusting feelings and attitude towards a young black kid and it’s honestly sickening. Why is he all of a sudden a toxic boyfriend? Why is he all of a sudden borderline or downright abusive to people? Why is the 15 year old black latino boy, that we know next to nothing about, all of a sudden fitting the worst stereotypes for black/latino men? Do you have any legitimate reasons for any of this besides, “he seems like the type?” Because you know what that sounds like, right? And i can’t even filter these out for my own peace of mind because you don’t tag your shit properly.
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kacievvbbbb · 1 month
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I’m not someone that particularly cares about a ship being canon or not, in fact I would rather the media I consume have no romance at all (giving my blog confusing yes I know)
But there is something about the canon ties between Shanks and Mihawk that drives me feral with need to see what their whole deal is.
Because like there are so many little inconsequential details that when taking separately seem pathetic and weak. But then put together it feels like it paints the picture of a larger undeniable connection and understanding between two wildly different men.
The fact that their main color is both red (Mihawk’s is a more wine dark red than Shanks’ bright red and a little more “subtle” given that Shanks is literally called red hair) but even then their main symbols, their identifying features, are red! Mihawk’s eyes and Shanks hair (yes while I love the gold and think that’s better I cannot ignore the fact that Oda consistently colors in Mihawk’s eyes red even though the gold is infinitely more popular)
They have the same birthday, are practically the same height, both with the promises to our two main protagonists to meet them at the top with a parting “gift”, both serve as a mentor to the protagonist (mihawk literally thought zoro how to kill him 😭), both with the bird(ish) iconography.
The fact that Mihawk, Mihawk! A man whose introduction was that he didn’t care much about anything and caused destruction on a whim, cares enough about what Shanks thinks to mentally apologize before trying to kill luffy (what the fuck).
The fact that whitebeard felt the need to reference his duel with Mihawk in his conversation with Shanks, despite not really being very relevant to the conversation and the fact that this is the first we’ve seen shanks in years and it is brought up in the same context as his relationship with Buggy (an already established relationship) reveals his relationship to Roger seems to point to the fact that this duel between Mihawk and Shanks is an important relationship to shanks. It couldn’t just be to show strength because he was about to clash with whitebeard the strongest man. It’s also hard to notice that those two relationships didn’t end particularly well for shanks.
Also the fact that it was Mihawk out of every character , Mihawk that brought luffy’s bounty to Shanks. Something he obviously knew would mean a lot to him. I used to think the scene was just there to show us how big a deal Shanks actually is like look at that fun childish alcoholic gang inspired our main hero? He’s actually a super big deal and he used to spar with the strongest character by far we had seen at that point (it wasn’t even close) and they fought on equal footing. It added a new layer of mystery to Shanks.
But it’s also the fact that even now with Mihawk’s bounty Shanks was mentioned and he’s the only one who this was mentioned for. Crocodile is just for his df and intelligence and they don’t mention that he literally tried and almost succeeded in subjugating a country and he was beat by luffy “or smoker given how many marines actually know the truth” even buggy who was literally Shanks’ sworn brother under the pirate king doesn’t get a mention like that. But Shanks and this duel is so integral to Mihawk’s character that it’s mentioned along with the only other long lasting fact we know about him and that is that he is the World’s Strongest Swordsman. Isn’t that fucking insane.
And like I feel insane scrapping all these details together as proof of something because they are all (besides the duel) the barest bones of a connection but god it is actually driving me insane.
And I’m not saying Mishanks is going to become canon or that it should or that I even particularly want it too. What I do want is to see how deeply these two are connected. What are these red strings of fate tying them to each other. Why can’t apparently ten years of little contact sever it? I swear to god if it’s actually nothing much I will lose my fucking mind. If nothing ever comes of all of this I will actually go insane. How can some people look at this and not see foreshadowing!?!?!!
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thepersonperson · 3 months
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Sukuna's Loneliness Part 2 (Sukuna is a fraud and it's funny.)
Part 1 Part 3
Before we start...
1) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. 
2) This was written as of JJK 262.
(Click pictures for captions/citations.)
Fraudkuna
You’ve probably heard JJK dudebros call The King of Curses a fraud. Fraudkuna to be exact. I want to say that they’re 100% right, but that doesn’t make Sukuna a bad fighter. Sukuna is a fraud in the way Saul Goodman is a fraud. He’s so good at being fraudulent that it’s his very way of life.
This person puts it succinctly. 
And remember Reggie’s Star’s words of wisdom.
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The best sorcerers are masters of deception.
Mimicry
Sukuna constantly steals from people—he takes something that isn’t his, and then morphs it into something for his purposes whether it’s bodies, Cursed Techniques (CTs), or strategies. This guy barely has original ideas of his own, using someone else’s work as the base and then building himself on top of that. This is fraud behavior. 
Puppeting Megumi
In a 2 for 1 special, Sukuna steals Kenjaku’s original idea to turn body parts into cursed objects and Megumi’s 10 Shadows along with his body.
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Naturally he steals the hand signs for Megumi's CT too.
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What’s interesting about this copying is that the hand signs are inversed for every Shikigami except Mahoraga.
I think the inversion for Sukuna is an act of disrespect or a form of acknowledgement for a lesser since the hand sign for Mahoraga, who Sukuna respects greatly, is identical to the original form. Sukuna’s Mahoraga is virtually unchanged in design as well. It might be slightly bigger, unlike the other Shikigami whose forms are distorted compared to Megumi’s.
I lean towards distortion being an act of disrespect since Sukuna despises Choso almost as much as Yuji and steals his Piercing Blood while tweaking the hand sign.
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They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. And just about everyone has picked up on Sukuna’s Megumi obsession. However, what most don’t realize is that this obsession wasn’t for Megumi the person, but his potential. Mahoraga to be exact.
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And though Sukuna adores Mahoraga, his obsession with this Shikigami is in service to someone else…
Professional Gojo Satoru Simp
When I was writing this section, I was greatly surprised. I went back and scanned through everything post-Gojo Death (JJK 236-262) to see how often Sukuna copies Gojo as evidence of fraud. What I found fundamentally changed the direction of this analysis. I will tie it all into how Sukuna is a fraud don't get me wrong, but there's something else at play here...
Post-Gojo's demise, Sukuna thinks of Gojo whether directly from himself or implied by the narrator. 15 TIMES.
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Sukuna, for no discernable reason, keeps copying everything Gojo did. It's not a one-off thing like Megumi for a long-term goal, it's a consistent non-stop mimicry after their fight. Here's all of them so far:
1. Using Reverse Cursed Energy (RCE) to heal a burnt-out CT.
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2. The hand sign for Unlimited Void. (Aside: Yuta inverts the hand sign as Yujo, but in his case I think it's an act of respect since he doesn't see himself as Gojo's equal.)
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3. The hand sign for Red.
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4. Shrine based Infinity barrier.
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5. Using Blue's gravity to fast travel.
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6. Black flashing to restore Cursed Energy (CE) output.
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7. The chanting and Honored One Pose at the same time. (And there’s even more layers to the chants themselves check out this post.)
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8. Detonating his own technique on himself.
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9. Even the way in which he smiles as he beats teenagers up.
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By the way this face punch he did to Yugo is a replica Gojo's very first punch he landed on Sukuna.
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They say imitation is the highest form of flattery but got dang. This is a bit obsessive to put it lightly.
But it didn’t start here. Sukuna’s Gojo obsession started from this panel. As Sukuna himself confirms.
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No. Let’s go back further. This is when it began. Chapter 2 of the manga and Episode 1 of the anime in early June of 2018.
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This motherfudger has been planning on how to slaughter Gojo for 200+ chapters. In canon time that is about 6 months.
I want to point out that his promise to kill Gojo first wound up being a lie on multiple fronts (more fraudulent behavior). He admits that it's the wrong brat's body while leaving out the fact that Gojo wasn't his first kill.
Technically Sukuna made Yuji's body his temporarily in Shibuya and killed thousands, but that wasn't deliberate. Sukuna didn't target those civilians specifically, they just got caught up as collateral in his fights with Jogo and Mahoraga. The first person Sukuna went out of his way to kill was Yorozu/Tsumiki (killing Ryu along the way). And he didn't tell Gojo that for a reason.
Much like Gojo, Sukuna is a 2 birds and 1 stone person as in he has multiple reasons for doing a single action. This can make his motives appear dubious or have plausible deniability. Sukuna on the surface went after Yorozu/Tsumiki to subjugate Megumi's soul. But that too was still in service of killing Gojo. Yorozu’s Perfect Sphere, if you remember, acts just like Infinity. And Sukuna trained Mahoraga on it deliberately to get past it.
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This also means that retroactively, his Megumi and Mahoraga obsession is a part of his Gojo obsession. He saw his personally trained student’s potential, found out about Mahoraga’s adaptation, and used it specifically to upgrade his CT for the sole purpose of killing Gojo. Sukuna admits to this himself.
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Not with his own technique by itself, but with Megumi’s because deep down he realized Gojo’s CT was better than his and he’d lose to him in a fair fight. A fraudulent way to victory.
By the way, when Mahoraga finally adapts to Infinity in a way Sukuna can copy, he's observing the adaptation from the shadows, fully bumming the fight, as Gojo 1v2s Agito and Mahoraga.
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What’s so fascinating about this planning is that it was made up on the fly. Sukuna has been obsessing over how to kill Gojo Satoru since their first 10 seconds interaction. (Toji behavior much?) Megumi and Mahoraga being a part of his plans occurred by chance. There’s a certain level of adaptability and skill needed to think on the fly like this. It truly makes Sukuna the Best Fraud in verse.
Lies and Hypocrisy
Simply copying those you admire is base level fraudulent behavior. What makes Sukuna the King of Frauds are the contradictions in his words and actions. This isn’t like Gojo Satoru who is actively hiding his true feelings as a trauma response. Sukuna betrays his own inner logic on convenience. Uraume even notes this as his “capricious nature”.
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These are excuses made by a Professional Sukuna Understander who also acknowledges just how much he was into Gojo despite Sukuna actively denying it himself. (He’s just a fish? What kind of fish engages in 6 months of psychological mind games and preparation to catch outside of Moby Dick? Yes I know he’s a whale but the obsessiveness bordering something else is there.)
We'll get back to this eventually. For now we will focus on how Sukuna picks on children.
Hating Ideals and Roles
Sukuna hates ideals. Everyone knows this because he tells Yuji constantly how much he hates them. He spits on Yuji for having ideals and goals. And then turns around and gets hyped when he finally has his own goal to chase. The hypocrisy speaks for itself.
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But that’s not the end of it. He also berates Yuji for seeking a role in life, outwardly teasing him when he finds one besides cog. And then gets this excited when Maki “forces” one on him.
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He’s not just being a hypocrite here. I think it’s envy. Yuji gets all the things he was denied—a society that does not exclude him for the circumstances of his birth, clear cut goals and purposes alongside others, and fulfilling connections with equals. In the worst case of Sour Grapes I’ve ever seen, he derides the things he believes he’s incapable of having. But the second he gets a taste, he starts salivating.
Hating Love
Sukuna's hatred of ideals and roles in society is but a microcosm of his one true hate—love and connections. Anything soft like bonds makes people weak. Sukuna seeks only strength so he believes the following:
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Not only does Sukuna admit here that connections with other people are a weakness, he believes Gojo to be the modern pinnacle of casting them away to obtain strength. In a very roundabout way this is him praising Gojo for being a monster like himself.
And that's where the next contradiction lies. Despite Sukuna preaching the benefits of isolation, he still craves that monster to monster connection. He adores anyone just like him. Monsters who throw all their humanity away just like him. He wants that connection so badly. Look at how often Sukuna gets excited when he thinks others might be like him. (Notice the half-assed Brat is Sukuna calling Yuji out for not committing to monsterhood.)
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Uraume of all people should fulfill a bit of that social want Sukuna has, but they put him on a pedestal. They are his servant and he is their master. Even though they can intuit his needs, they can’t fulfill all his emotional ones since their relationship is one with inherent distance between them. That being said, Uraume still understands exactly what Sukuna is looking for—other monsters.
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Professional Sukuna Understander once again gives insight onto how this fraud thinks. Sukuna is strong enough to endure solitude. He is fearless and alone by embracing power.
And yet Sukuna cannot abide by his own principles against love.
December 24th is the most romantic day in Japan. This information is in part how we infer Gojo Satoru is in love Geto Suguru time and time again. Kenjaku calls Gojo out for this. Setting a battle date to December 24th is romantic in nature. And Sukuna, of his own volition starts seeing Gojo as the one who will teach him love.
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No. That's not right either...
Gojo has never been the one trying to teach Sukuna love. He never heard those words from Yorozu. Not once. It's the other way around. Sukuna is the one trying to teach Gojo about love. Every single time "The one who will teach you about love is..." appears, Sukuna is in the final frame. It's never Gojo. It's always Sukuna.
The loneliness that comes with unrivaled strength. The one who will teach you about love is...Sukuna.
Kashimo takes Sukuna up on the offer. He has Sukuna teach him about love. When Sukuna first starts his speech about love, he speaks of Yorozu as someone who could've taught Gojo of love—as in Gojo was the one who needed teaching. He also spells out for Kashimo that the strong love with their violence. Sukuna himself admits that he loves by slaughtering. All while saying it's worthless in the end, because the only thing that matters to him is strength.
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Wanting love and strength is greedy. You can't have both. Sukuna killing Gojo was not only an act of love, but an act of denial in pursuit of self-preservation. Sukuna found someone he could possibly love and he did everything in his power to kill him for the sake of maintaining his strength.
This could be proof he's not a fraud when it comes to hating love. But he still engaged with it and became stronger as a result of it—contradicting the very principles on which he decries love as weakness.
In retrospect, this makes this particular Gojo glazing Sukuna sequence from the infamous JJK 236 ironically hilarious.
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Gojo never realized that Sukuna obsessed over him for 6 months nonstop after meeting him for 10 seconds. He never realized that Sukuna's cruelty and cuts were trying to reach him. The most Gojo knew was that Sukuna bagged Mahoraga to kill him. He didn't know about the planning that went into it or the heart behind it all. Gojo has always been iffy about understanding other people's feelings towards him mind you, but...
In the same way Geto did not understand Gojo's love for him until both of them were dead, Gojo did not understand Sukuna's love for him even in death. Because Gojo and Sukuna are the same person.
Umineko no Naku Koro ni (When the Seagulls Cry) is a visual novel about a person who is fundamentally misunderstood by those around them. They desperately want to be loved without being perceived, believing themself to be unworthy due to trauma and immutable characteristics given to them at birth. Instead of telling anyone these feelings directly, they play games akin to torture. They torment the ones they love over and over in hopes they'll see through their actions and understand them.
The Consequences of Fraudulent Behavior
The tragedy of Sukuna is his inability to fully realize his desires. He wants an equal in strength to play with or be killed by, but he crushes anyone with the potential to do that. Gojo was the closest thing Sukuna ever got to realizing that desire. Hence the “You cleared my skies. I shall remember you for as long as I live.” and subsequent "Where's Gojo Satoru?" ad nauseum.
Instead of allowing these potential companions to realize their abilities fully, he kills them and then gets upset about it. There's honestly no difference between him and a dog impulsively tearing his favorite chewtoys to pieces and getting confused by the outcome. (And in the case of Gojo Satoru, that's the dog catching the car but if the dog had spent half a year studying the exact speed and timing down to the stud before ripping the bumper off.)
I genuinely cannot tell if Sukuna is aware of this problem himself. Seriously, I don’t think anyone has told him that if he wants a matured fighter, he needs to let them…mature in the first place. I know he was treated like animal since birth, but he’s smart enough to know better. 
He’ll never reach satisfaction like this and it’s as funny as it is pathetic. Even Megumi, the first person he saw with the potential to entertain him, was chewed up with ease. Not just him, but the very reason he took interest—Mahoraga. Instead of having a Shikigami that will always evolve with him and therefore always be a source of everchanging entertainment, he tamed it and added it to his arsenal.
Sure all of that was to kill Gojo via masterclass frauding, but that too cucks him in the long run. Gojo is still the only person in Sukuna’s entire existence to keep up with him and nearly kill him on his own. If Sukuna were smarter, he could’ve developed a lifelong rivalry that fueled both of their growths. But Gojo beats him fair and square, so he binding vow frauds his way out in a way that permanently destroys this source of fun.
And on top of that, his killing of Gojo may have also been Sukuna trying to trick himself into believing he doesn't need anyone to satisfy him ever. He probably believes this from the bottom of his heart. Kashimo calls him out for it. "Then why mince your soul into cursed objects and watch all those years go by?" Why get so excited when Uraume shows up too?
I'm not saying that Sukuna has been secretly craving romantic or sexual love for the past 1,000 years. He has had plenty of opportunities to engage with this kind of love and has chosen not to. (Though I do think Sukuna saw his fight with Gojo as a some warped version of a date at this point.) The kind of love Sukuna seems to crave is one between friends, peers, and equals. What I'm saying is that Gojo shattered his world view in the same way Gojo also shattered Toji's world view. But unlike Toji who was able to admit his way of thinking was flawed, Sukuna is actively in denial.
He denies his own feelings and desires for companionship while running around looking for another Gojo Satoru that will never exist. All that Sukuna is left with are disappointments and ghosts to chase. The only person who keeps getting up stronger every time he knocks them down is Yuji. And he hates Yuji. 
I’m not sure what this all means in the grand scheme of this story, but I am fascinated by how this absolute menace sabotages his own chances at happiness because his power and fraudulent behavior has stripped him of his ability to socialize.
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turtleblogatlast · 2 months
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“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#listen it’s morning now and I haven’t slept so bear with me for the sudden unwarranted lyric analysis haha#a lotttt of the lyrics work so well for him#not even just the overall theme the words just work great#first lyric is literally ‘I can’t help it if I make a scene’ which is one to one with ‘Leo’s makin a scene’ from the rottmnt opening like-#‘I’m turning heads and I’m stopping traffic’ -> Leo has not made it a secret that he values his looks a LOT#-not just his looks but also his ability to get people’s attention#‘when I pose they scream when I joke they laugh’ -> I feel like this speaks for itself#-posing and joking for the crowd and himself#‘I’ve got them dazzled like a stage magician’ -> works both with Leo’s canonical love of magicians and his aptitude with tricks in general#‘well everybody needs a friend and I’ve got you and you and you’ -> I just think it’d be cute to imagine his friends here just as his bros#‘I got you and you and you’ = ‘my brainy guy my smashing guy and eats peanut butter with his fingers guy’#‘haven’t you noticed that I’m a star?’ -> Leo loves attention and especially loves when his feats and efforts are acknowledged#+ he loves glam rock and sci-fi and being a champ and - listen he has a LOT of star symbolism with him#‘haven’t you noticed I made it this far’ - Leo is well aware of how dangerous situations get and thinks himself only a part of a whole#-so hey it’s notable that he’s survived this long yeah?#‘now everyone can see me burning’ -> self-sacrificing with his family bearing witness + all his star and flame symbolism in general#+ how attention naturally goes to him - including bad attention where his mistakes are highlighted and burn bright#also even the limo lyric-#obviously this boy has never and will never own a limo but one of his main secondary colors IS pink so even that#okay that one is just a joke but he would#(on that note though I think the other colors the boys gravitate to outside THEIR color are fun to notice)#I don’t actually know too much about Steven universe beyond the songs and some eps but I like the music#and this just came to my tired mind so here you go anyone who’s interested#may draw something with these lyrics dunno yet#it’s a good song in any case even though it’s super short
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jackklinemybeloved · 4 months
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kipperlilly is suuuch an apt villain for a season that takes place during a junior year of high school. she’s basically the smart privileged kid who’s mad she doesn’t have any interesting trauma to write about in her college essay.
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raavenb2619 · 5 days
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“Musical about a green magic girl who's totally alloaro, trust me, where are you going she's alloaro, I have a whole powerpoint presentation stop backing away from me I have proof she's alloaro just listen to me” - Things I tell my friends to try to get them to watch media I like
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pirateprincessjess · 3 months
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how many dog ears do you own and how are they all SO cute? also are they associated with any specific like. characters or personas? like do you have a bunch of dog ocs? or are they just for cuteness? either way i love your collection 😻
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I have 4 pairs of dog ears! The green and black one are my favorites!
They aren’t really for OCs or Personas (though I do have some puppy OCs). I just find them to be gender affirming.
At the end of the day, I am a woman. But if you want to be more nuanced, my gender is woman in a puppy kind of way. A puppy girl!
I’m not saying that I identify as a dog, because I don’t. I’m a human woman whose gender happens to be a little bit puppy.
I’ve been posting puppy stuff on main lately because I’ve been more comfortable presenting this way lately. I feel cute, and I feel good about myself, and I’m excited to share that self love.
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izel-scribbles · 1 month
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just finished malevolent relisten. needless to say the obsession has been rekindled tenfold its previous magnitude
#im so fucking isnane about this podcast#ok notable reactions:#john.. Oh my god. It’s so insane to go back and hear how much he’s changed in the way he talks and reasons and treats arthur#i love you john doe malevolent#fav trans allegory ever!!!!!#definitely relate to him a normal amount (liar voice)#and then. S2. I really need to make that animatic with lonesome dreams#godddd i forgot how painful the ep18 divorce was#and then!!!! the canna mentions helping noel escape!!! completely forgot about that part#s3. oh my god. absolute fav season. soooo many crazy moments.#like coda??? “You want him back.” “I want him safe.” You want him baaack.” “I want him back”#KAYNE I FUCKING HATE THAT RAT BASTARD.NEED TO BASH HIS HEAD IN WITH A ROCK BUT HES A FREAK AND HED ENJOY IT SO I CANT#piece od shit#and then 23/24??????? arthur’s happy cry-laugh???? dead#part 25. “I killed myself. For a voice in my head. Do you know how mad that sounds?” what if IIII killed myself#26. god. Then 27. And 28. Literally my fav season ever#followed closely by s4#ohhhh my god i forgot how hot the butcher is like genuinely#i completely forgot prelude somehow???? giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair the whole time#i need to be this homicidal gay irishman hes so hot oh my god#the 29 divorce. with the movie lmaoo#i need to draw them going on a night out and seeing a movie and getting dinner and drinks and dancing and (gets shot)#gooddddd i remember listening to 31 for the first time and being so fucking confused#PART 33. HIT ME RIGHT IN THE EMOTIONS. OH MY GOD. BELLA SALTZMAN I COULD’VE TREATED YOU SO MUCH BETTER#34….. i can’t speak about 34 without barking and howling like a rabid dog#dog. Is that a butcher refere(gets shot for the third time)#NOELLLLLL MY DARLING WIFE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#this has just inspired me to keep writing hofth with ella tbh#lowkey don’t even get the obsession with oscar tho i can’t be talking#to each their own or whatever
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geminison · 10 months
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For you have a way of promising things
And I’ve been a forest fire
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littlecrittereli · 2 months
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Hello! Big fan! But one thing I notice about ur AUs got me thinking, do u ship Aviva x Martin or any other ships?
Not really! I don’t have anything against Aviva x Martin but I honestly just see them as good friends :)
I’m not really into ships?? Maybe it’s bc I’m aroace LOL
But idk I just love a good group of friends who platonically take care of each other
Im assuming you’re talking about guardianship AU where I kinda refer to Aviva as Chris’ motherly figure. In that AU it’s like a “it takes a village to raise a child” kinda trope. So they are all very involved in Chris’ upbringing, Aviva and Martin especially so, but they aren’t in a romantic relationship
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puppyeared · 10 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Obsessed with Fyodor’s as yet unknown backstory today. And not just in the ‘I need to know’ way but… idk there’s something about the way he seems to wholeheartedly believe that what he is doing will result in the removal of sin. Thinking about how he doesn’t have a god complex but is instead a follower of what he believes to be god’s will. Thinking about how he places himself as above others anyways by taking their free will from them. I think about how his ability didn’t attack him and instead seems to be working with him. The gem is in his hand, the hands he kills with, the righteous hand? I think about that gakuen profile that I can’t find anymore but I know I saw where his likes are generally good and selfless things like peace, and about how, if this is true, he’s been an extreme idealist all along. I think about how senseless violence, the people who can’t stop killing each other, seem to disgust him. That he wants to cleanse it. That he repeatedly uses the very thing he wants to cleanse as a weapon regardless. I think about him and Dazai being foils and wonder if his plan to remove the sin of ability users includes his own self-destruction. I wonder where his self-assurance in the necessity of his cruelty and the perfection of God’s intentions comes from. I wonder how old he actually is.
As funny as the idea is to me that he’s just like that… is it kind of weird that I hope whatever his deal is ends up being a gut-punch?
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what-even-is-thiss · 6 months
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