#you don’t know how I am with masc lesbians
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#you don’t know how I am with masc lesbians#i need more masc lesbians in fandom I’m not joking#myart#bnha#my art#my hero academia#mha#jirou kyouka#momo yaoyorozu#momojirou#jirou x yaoyorozu#lesbian jirou
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Hello…I didn’t expect to make this request, but I didn’t know who else to turn to, and you’re the most active writer I’ve followed for so long that is still around. (And I’m happy for that, sincerely)
Well, before I request something, let me explain why. I…I’m saying goodbye. (Not that way, don’t worry) I’m saying goodbye…to the fandom…specifically, to reading Natasha x reader fics. I tried for a while to hope for fics where Reader was more of the knight in shining armor, masc presenting woman, or the top in the relationship, but…well, that didn’t happen much. And I’m not bashing on anyone for writing reader as more of the opposite. Not at all, everyone is entitled to write how they want to write….but I can’t just keep coming here and continue to see it be the same troupe. And no matter how much I request for one (and when requests are asked and open) it never happens, and instead it’s something else I didn’t request. So…I think it’s best for me to bid farewell. I cant force writers to write what I want, that’s not how it works. It’s a dick move
Here’s what I want to ask…for my final Natasha x reader fic request:
Reader is a soldier for the United States Air Force. Natasha has been busy as an Avenger. Reader, on leave, tried to spend time with Natasha but was always met with rain checks. On top of that, Natasha has always treated reader as the frail, need to protect, girlfriend, and reader always made it clear she wasn’t much for the pillow process type.
Anyways, reader decides to re-enlist for another deployment and begin a new life, maybe somewhere in Germany I don’t know. But, as she’s packing to leave is when Natasha FINALLY decides to give her the time of day….but it’s too late.
Reader sits Natasha down and says along the lines this, “I’m not the person you want…and we’ve just become different people and are pursuing different things….” She’d go on about how as much as she loves Natasha, she can’t be the partner she expects of her. She’s tired of being made out to be this woman that’s made to be the trophy wife or something like that. That she should find someone who can connect and click with her. Be her true soulmate.
Natasha is heartbroken and wants to fix things. Not expecting this at all. Pleading for a second chance but reader stands her ground. No tears shed, but she’s not cold to her either. Reader leaves, Natasha follows her all the way to the airport, tries one last time but reader doesn’t give in….she bids the redhead farewell…and thanks her for the memories that were amazing. She wishes nothing but happiness for her and a happy life.
…that’s it. Write it, toss it away, it’s fine. I’m just going to leave this here, do with it what you want.
Thanks for the fics you made, specifically the ones where you portrayed reader as the knight in shining armor.
Signing off.
A Final Goodbye
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Masc! Reader
Summary: You take a step back and do what is best for you, and Natasha.
Angst, Comfort
Warnings: None, if I missed any, please let me know | 1.1K
AC: Thank you for sending this in, I am sorry to hear that you’re leave and I do hope that you’re still around to read this. I do apologise for it taking me a while to get it out, I also just want to say that I do not consider myself a masc lesbian so I do apologise in advance if anything in this is not giving that representation. Rest assured, this is Reader being the lead in this. I hope you enjoy x
You took a deep breath as you zipped up the last duffel bag, feeling the weight of your decision settle across your shoulders. Your small apartment almost empty, leaving most of your belongings in storage. Carefully, you placed the duffle bag with the others before taking a moment to gather your thoughts.
It had been playing on your mind for a while now, keeping you up at night while you tossed and turned endlessly, wishing things were different but too much had changed over time. You tried to spend time with her, but you only met with rain checks or last-minute cancellations. You missed her but you couldn’t stop thinking about the drift between you two.
Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, the woman you fell for. At first, things were great, you both were on the same page and were very much in the ‘honeymoon’ phase almost every day but like all couples, there were things that you would argue about and there were plenty of things that made you both frustrated. One thing you couldn’t understand was why Nat would consistently treat you like a frail and need to be protected girlfriend. As much as you loved that she cared for you, you hated being treated like a pillow princess. It wasn’t you.
You didn’t need saving; you didn’t need protecting. You needed somebody who understood you and loved you for you. You always made it clear to Natasha that the pillow princess type wasn’t you at all, you always reminded her that you didn’t need her to protect you from every little thing, after all, you were a soldier. But something about being firm with her just didn’t stick. So, you made the decision to re-enlist for another deployment, making sure that the next time you returned, things would be different. Not just for you but for Natasha as well.
Natasha knocked softly on the door; it was time. You took a deep breath and reached for the door handle, meeting her soft green eyes for the first time in weeks. Her famous red locks still damp from the rain outside, her expression a mix of relief and uncertainty.
“Hey,” she said softly, her eyes locking with yours.
You couldn’t help the soft smile that pulled on your lips, “Hey, I’m glad you could come” you replied, opening the door wider for her.
“I’m so glad you’re still here. I… I thought you might be gone already.” She said softly, her eyes darting to the small pile of duffle bags.
“I leave tomorrow” you replied, watching as Nat turned around to face you once more. “Can we talk, please?” She asked, her gaze locked onto you. “I want to give you time to talk but I really need you to listen to me first” you said as you gestured that the two of you take a seat. Natasha let out a soft sigh, deep down she knew she wasn’t leaving your apartment the same woman she came as.
The two of you took a seat at the dining table, the cold surface somehow bringing a little comfort to you in this moment as you gently reached for Natasha’s hand. You looked into her eyes for a moment, taking in the beauty she held.
“I love you so much, I always will but I need to honest with you, with us. This isn’t so much about the fact our schedules suck and the rain check are rain check. This is about us and how I’m not the person you want” you paused for a moment, taking a deep breath in before continuing. “We’ve become different people. We’re pursuing different things and different dreams. I can’t be the partner you expect of me. I’m tired of you only seeing me as this fragile person who needs to protect. I’m a soldier, I’m in the air force. I can hold my own and I want to be respected for that” you added.
“Detka, I do respect you. You’re everything to me, I don’t mean to make you feel like that….I just, I care about you so, so much but I can’t deal with the thought if something were to happen to you” Natasha pleaded, tears pooling in her eyes.
You smiled softly, trying to keep your own tears from building up, “I know you respect me Nat, but, when you’re around others, you’re not the same. We go from being one to two different people and somehow, you think I’m the one who needs to protected and treated differently….” You paused for a moment, your thumb stroking her soft skin. “We both know that love is such a big, beautiful and powerful thing. It means a lot of things and one of those things is knowing when to let go. You deserve somebody who can give you everything you want, but we know deep down it’s not me” you added.
A silence fell between you both, Natasha’s face falling, her defenses crumbling as you continued. “I want you to find happiness, even if that means without me. You deserve it.”
“But… what if we can work it out? I can be better, I promise” Natasha said, pleading, her voice breaking as her tears began to fall freely down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry Nat, but it’s too late. I need a fresh start, and I think you need one too”
Natasha’s expression shifted from desperation to heartbreak as she nodded at your words. Wiping her tears on the sleeve of her shirt, she stood up. “I don’t want to hold you back” she said softly, barely able to look into your eyes. You stood up from your seat, swallowing the lump in your throat as she reached out to hug you one last time.
“Please be safe” she whispered, “and write to me whenever you’re ready” she added, hugging you tightly. You hugged her back, allowing yourself to feel the love she has for you one last time, hugging her just as tightly back. “I promise” you replied in the same soft whisper.
As you two parted, you smiled softly at her, hoping it would somehow ease her broken heart a little. “I know this wasn’t what you expected but I want you to know that all the memories we share and the time we had, it was beautiful, and I will forever cherish them. I want nothing but love and happiness for you, don’t hold yourself back from find another love. Be happy Nat, you deserve that” you said.
To your surprise the redhead returned a soft smile, “I will always love you” she spoke ever so gently.
“And I will always love you” you replied.
Natasha turned, and headed for the door. You watched her leave, closing the door gently behind her, taking with her a piece of your heart. You took a moment for yourself, part of you broken from the words shared but the other half excited knowing a new chapter awaited. The memories of Natasha would always be with you, reminding you that love can be found again.
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#yelenasdiary asks#anon#fanfiction#marvel#Natasha Romanoff#Natasha Romanoff x Reader#Natasha Romanoff x you#Black Widow x reader#Black widow x you
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gen/good faith question — is it disrespectful to lesbians or queer people in general if i were to identify as a he/him lesbian?
for context: i’ve always known i was into girls, and for some of my life, i considered myself a girl as well. there was nothing about me that made me want to make that choice, other than the fact that i was perceived by everyone around me as a girl and expected to be one.
and then i started to question my gender. i don’t really feel intrinsically as though i have a gender, but at the same time, certain forms of gendered language and some forms of gender expression make me happy and comfortable. at the same time, some forms of both those things don’t.
the thing is, most gendered language (i’m only using this here for clarity — i know that really no language is gendered and people can use whatever terms, pronouns etc to refer to themselves and that doesn’t have to correspond to stereotypical gender that usually goes with that term) and most gender expression that i enjoy are both usually correspond to those used by men, and sometimes those used by nonbinary people. for example — i like being called a guy, i like referring to myself a person, i like dressing in traditionally ‘masc’ clothes, and i would love to be perceived as androgynous sometimes.
but also, on the flip side, i usually like traditionally ‘female’ gendered language and expressions applied to me. this is a bit of a nuanced thing for me, though! i love wearing dresses and looking ‘feminine’, but only really in private, because to me they’re an example of cross dressing or messing with the gender binary because i don’t consider myself a girl (i don’t consider myself ‘anything’ in regards to gender, as mentioned above — i think the term is agender?), but most people don’t see it that way since i’m usually perceived as female, which puts me off it. additionally, i like she/her pronouns, but only at certain times, and not very often. i would also consider myself genderfluid, in the sense that the pronouns i’m comfy with change… however, usually, those pronouns are he/him, and often they’re they/them, but only occasionally she/her.
so people have asked why i consider myself a lesbian if i feel this way, and that’s due to a lot of factors. it’s because i was always certain of my sexuality before i was certain of my gender (and before i out conscious effort into thinking about it), and so identifying as a lesbian has and still does influence how i see and interact with the world. also, i’m not someone who will ever be able to pass in general society as anything but female — i have d cups, a high voice, am often told i’m ‘pretty’, and am very curvy. so i also identify as a lesbian because as someone who doesn’t intend to do much in the way of medical gender affirming care, the fact that i am constantly perceived as a woman unless i say so (and that’s not always respected) does also have a bearing on how i experience the world too.
i don’t know, i’m just really confused about if i can use this term or not. i’ve spent a long long time agonising over what discovering my gender identity and what that means for me will affect my sexuality, and a lot of that agony now no longer comes from not knowing about myself, but from feeling like i’m being disrespectful. i don’t want to hurt the queer community, specifically lesbian woman, or trans guys, and i feel like i’m doing both. but on the other hand… he/him usually really fits me. lesbian usually feels right too. i took a long time to come to terms with both of those, and so they feel very hard-won — like i can finally exist knowing who i am, and so to not be able to deceive myself in the way i’ve tried really hard to find is something that makes me really sad. but i would love any advice! :)
There is no way for your pronouns to be disrespectful to someone else unless we're talking about your pronouns being slurs that do not apply to you. Your pronouns have nothing to do with anyone else [exception aside].
Your sexuality is also no one else's business but your own. You don't have to justify your pronouns or your sexuality: they are not hurting anyone. You are not hurting anyone.
None of what you're talking about is disrespectful to anyone. Its just your personal identity. That has nothing to do with anyone else.
All of this has no affect on the lesbian or trans community by large except that one more he/him lesbian becomes apart of it, which is actually a win!
If you makes you happy, go for it! If it feels right, go for it! It sounds like you've found a label and pronouns for you and that's awesome! Congratulations. <3
I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3
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you mentioned in one of your recent posts that you sometimes go on dates with mascs hoping they’ll be “butches in disguise”. as a baby lesbian, could you maybe help explain the difference between masc n butch in how you’re using it here? thank you <3
oh boy. this is a whole can of worms 😅
lemme just say i am extremely pro-self determination and pro-using whatever labels feel good to you, so i don’t want to sound like i’m ‘anti-masc’ in any way (that would just be silly)
BUT. i will speak to my own experiences dating as a femme4butch, and what i’ve personally seen. masc is used in the broader sapphic community as a purely aesthetic descriptor. someone who wears masculine clothing, or exhibits masculine mannerisms, or some combination of those things. i think it doesn’t carry the same historical weight (and social stigma) as butch, so it’s a lighter load for a lot of people. and it’s just more commonly used on social media.
when someone is loudly and proudly a butch, this tells me several things. first, that their masculinity goes all the way to their core, in a sense, and isn’t just resting on the surface. this is their natural and permanent state of being, which is incredibly attractive to me. second, that they are aware at least to some extent of butchfemme dynamics and therefore understand a lot more about my femininity than the average lesbian might. and third, that they know femme is not a purely aesthetic descriptor for me. this shows up in how they relate to me in a romantic, sexual or even platonic way.
a masc can be a “butch in disguise” when they have not been exposed to butchfemme. it’s hard to be something you’ve never seen or even heard about. or they might silently consider themselves butch but not put it in a dating profile because they fear the stigma, or perhaps no one has ever appreciated that part of them before.
but it’s true that most of the time this is not the case. a lot of folks simply are masc and not butch, and that is completely fine! having dated both mascs and butches, i can say the difference is subtle and hard to name, but there is one. for me it’s like margarine versus butter. and i’m a butter gal, through and through 😘
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Hello there!
Mod team:
I’m Jamie but I also go by Jay! I’m gender queer and use any pronouns but I am masc leaning (he/him), don’t be afraid to ask! I’m aegosexual-pansexual and a romance repulsed aromantic! I am neurotypical and the OG owner of this blog!
Hey people, my names Noah and I use they/them pronouns :) I have a long list of labels cause I'm a complicated human being lol. I'm non binary, lesbian oriented aroace, with a handful of microlabels (quoiromantic, apothiromantic, aegoromantic, apothisexual and aegosexual). I also experience platonic, aesthetic and sensual attraction B) I have diagnosed adhd and I'm an infp :D
My name is Ray! I go by any pronouns and I’m a Agender Cogirl. I am cupioromantic and aegosexual (and many other things, just ask if you want to know!). I also have diagnosed autism and I’m an ISFP
Carl D, all pronouns, allergic to garlic, aroace
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Commonly asked questions!
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the Asexual Visibility and Education Network -Asexual resource
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Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry
hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.
second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:
1) literally just ignore it until you...
2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,
“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”
you might also say,
“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”
i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.
all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:
1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.
2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.
3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.
closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3
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Feminine girlfriend headcannons
request: no
pairing: bella ramsey x fem!reader
tw: fluff, feminine!reader, mentions of public affection, mentions of men,
summary: headcannons of Bella having super feminine girlfriend <3
a/n: before anything, i do not want people to think I am gendering makeup, dresses etc. “feminine” becase idk how else to call it and regardless of if you’re a female/male/non-binary you can dress/wear makeup how ever you want, okay I hope you understand, enjoy<33
masterlist
🎀 first of all I just know bella would love watching you getting all dolled up even to just go shopping
🎀 bella being hot, rich actor would definitely spoil you as much as he can, they would buy you any clothes or makeup you desire
🎀 sometimes she would let you do their makeup or skincare but just becase he can’t say no to you
🎀 I feel like bella would love when you wear mini skirts/dresses, but hate when others, especially men are staring!!
🎀 even tho your closet is mostly pastel-coloured, you love wearing bella’s baggy tomboy t-shirts
🎀 and they would love you wearing them even more
🎀 most of the time bella’s amazed with the magic you can do with makeup or the complicated hairstyles you’re able to create on your head
🎀 whenever you get the opportunity you love to curl their hair cuz they look amazing with the waves (the gif🧎🏿♀️)
ANYWAY
🎀 bella loves to show you off so whenever she has some event going on, they take you to the red carpet with her and always make sure you two are matching
🎀 if you are also famous she’s at all of your important events/premieres!!
🎀 one of bella’s love languages is gift giving so whenever he sees you admiring a new bag or a fancy dress, few days later you have it laying on your bed in a gift bag/box with a small gift-card from your lovely partner <33
🎀 whenever a dude in a public is staring at you they always wrap an arm around your waist and hold you closer to them
🎀 bella loves shopping with you, their favorite part is when you get home and you’re trying on all the stuff you bought putting on a little show
🎀 you have matching bracelets you made for the two of you awwh
🎀 talking about bracelets bella loves buying you a fancy jewelry, they definitely got you a promise ring on your either b-day or anniversary
🎀 let’s stick to the rings; whenever you buy a new ring for bella they wear it for next interview and whenever the interviewer mentions their ring she’s always like “yeah, my gf got me this!”
🎀 bella’s definitely a sucker for thighs so when you’re wearing short skirt it’s hard for them to keep their hands to themselves
🎀 if you’re the type of person that would say “there is nothing in there” while staring at the closet filled to bursting with clothes they’d would just raise an eyebrow and give you one of their comfy grey sweatshirt <33
🎀 matching earrings!!!
🎀 you stealing one of their t-shirts and them asking you after like 6 moths if you don’t know where that t-shirt is
🎀 when you and bella officially announced that you are a couple people were shocked cuz you “didn’t look gay” ( no because how are we fem!lesbians/bi/pan girls supposed to look gay? )
🎀 if you are not famous, you definitely had a social media and dating an actor kinda helped raising the numbers up so you may or may not started thinking about posting grwm’s/makeup tutorials if you do bella’s always commenting something like “first” or “can I get a hi🥺”
🎀 last but not least you two would definitely became the “it couple” as the perfect example of masc! and fem! or some shit like that. 😍
#bella ramsey x reader#bella ramsey#the last emoji is ironic btw#ellie williams x reader#bella ramsey fanfic#beldro ramscal#bella ramsey fluff#bella ramsey the loml#feminine gf#bella x fem!reader#second post today what is going on omg??#in my active era fr#lia writes 🌷🛍️
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I’ve been musing on my queer identity and how it definitely hasn’t been a static thing.
Started out identifying as strictly asexual, then after some years, I started to realise that that didn’t quite fit as even though, at almost 40, I’ve had a grand total of two sexual experiences with other human beings in my entire life (enough to know that sex personally involving me physically is something I’m not interested in) I do feel sexual attraction in a less direct way, so I came to the conclusion that I’m aegosexual. For the last few years I’ve identified as a bi oriented aego and honestly, I don’t think that really fits anymore either. Aegosexual still feels right, but it’s become very noticeable to me and to people around me - like my little sister, my favourite person on earth and my eternal champion, who remarked the other day “you know you’re just a big dyke really” 🤣🤣 - that my attraction to men/mascs is exceedingly rare and incidental and something I generally forget about while my attraction to women has become more obviously apparent.
So yeah - bi aego is out, lesbian aego is in 🤷🏻♀️ though queer is still the word I feel most at home with.
The only thing about my identity I’ve always been sure of is my gender - AFAB and I am 100% certain I am a woman.
You were right Boo Boo @tossacointoyourhotmess 🤣🤣
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Fuckfuckfuck i love it when masc lesbians are into dykebreaking it makes me so wet knowing no dyke is safe from being into men like how am i supposed to resist them as a pretty little princess? 😖
-💖
🫠Bahahaamy face gets super red when I get called out like that.
I don’t think a pretty princess like you even has a chance when it would be a fucking pleasure for me to spread your legs apart and offer such a sweet thing up for a rough, much stronger man.
When you’re crying out while being held down and fucked like a fleshlight— I’ll just have to shove my strap down your throat and muffle out those cries, huh?
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hii there! :)
can i b a trans guy without medically transitioning? i cant for a good many years, but also,,, i dont want to (i have several adjacent health issues that would make it difficult, also i’m neutral abt my body - i dont really have dysphoria over it and it doesn’t bother me). but i’m terrified that i’ll never be taken seriously. i don’t mind being misgendered by strangers or acquaintances (i’d actually describe myself as genderqueer if i technically had to, it’s not the label i identify with but it makes the most sense like objectively. i’m happy w/ he/him but ok with they, she, etc), but i would like it if my friends would see me as a guy. but i’m also scared to even like, ask that of them. bc i really really don’t look like a guy, or even slightly androgynous, and i kind of have this sucky internal mindset that i won’t be seen as a real guy unless i make an effort to look like one, even though that’s not what i want. i’m working on it, but it’s also… my romantic life plays a big role in it. i’m currently identifying to a lesbian to my friends bc i like girls. and it’s just girls that i like. so if I live true to myself and do say that i’m a guy, I’m also like… who would want to date me, because i’m a guy who uses he/him pronouns and ‘male’ terminology like boyfriend, but physically, i have a lot of ‘girl’ features, like big boobs, and i don’t want bottom surgery either (neutral abt my body), so i just really don’t know. it’s really hurting me bc when i realised I was queer i thought I’d find a home in the queer community and i did, for the first time ever, but as I’ve thought about my identity a bit more all my queerness causes me is stress bc I’m constantly worried that no one not even other queer people will ever take me seriously or allow me to use the labels I use or will ever want to date me (bc… like, I’m not straight, but also how can I call myself a lesbian if I consider myself a guy? It’s all complicated, to me, but I feel like I’ll be ostracised from lesbians for not being enough of a girl — even though my gender is complicated and trans guy is just the best way to explain it and the best label that fits for me — and ostracised from trans people for not being trans enough and ahhhh I’m just. Really stressed about it all, and am constantly wishing I could just be true to myself, even within the queer community, but don’t know how to…
Hey, listen to me. You have a place in the queer community, okay? If you say you’re queer, you’re queer and we love and accept you.
Yes, you can ABSOLUTELY be a trans guy without medically transitioning! I understand with health issues it can be difficult for some people. However, you do NOT need to justify your choice to me, or to anybody, okay? If you don’t want to medically transition, then don’t medically transition! That’s the end of it. Being trans is about just being Not Cis. Transitioning medically is part of it for some people, but maybe it’s not for you, and that’s okay! You can still be trans.
A lot of queer AFAB people who start to realise they might be more masc aligned start feeling guilty, wondering if they’re predatory. I also experienced this. I used to identify as a bisexual girl, then nonbinary, then I started realising I felt more like a guy. I was terrified. I didn’t want to be a creepy straight guy, I didn’t want to make the women around me or women I was attracted to feel unsafe.
Eventually I realised, it’s not BEING MALE that makes you creepy, it’s being a CREEPY guy. It’s a mindset that’s a bit hard to put into words. Being male and being attracted to women is not inherently creepy. It’s only creepy if you’re weird about it, and it’s very easy not to be.
Some lesbians might ostracise you, that’s true. However, the vast majority of the lesbian community has a long history of transmasc and trans guy lesbians. The queer community is about love and support no matter your identity. You are loved.
Seeing someone as a certain gender because of their body parts is something people can get over. I might look feminine, but I know my friends and partner see me as a guy because that’s who I am to them, a friend, a brother, a boyfriend.
If your friends can’t see you as a guy because of something as unimportant as your body, then that’s on them.
“Who would want to date me” there’s people who would, trust me. Look, when you have low self esteem, especially if you’re trans and your self hatred is related to that, it’s hard to believe you’re loveable, but believe me, you are.
I still struggle with dysphoria and wonder why anyone would love me when I’m a guy but I feel like I don’t look like one, but my partner always assures me I’m loveable, and you deserve that too.
Trans people can find loving, caring partners who love you not inspite of your transness but because it’s part of who you are and they love YOU.
Kid, be yourself. You’re welcome in the queer community. Be true to yourself, be who you are, and you’ll find the right friends and the right partner.
I hope you have a good day/night, and I’m sending so so much love. May a ray of sunlight shine upon you sometime soon, my friend. Sending warmth <33
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I would appreciate if people read the relevant parts of this before sending an ask or following me:
Hi, I am an autistic transmasculine non-binary lesbian of color & mostly use they/them but he is fine. I do not identify as a man or woman, and calling me one is misgendering. I am fine with boy/most other masc terms. I first & foremost identify as an androgyne.
F.A.Q. Post
About the blog: This is a sideblog dedicated to discussing trans issues & the trans community, especially regarding transandrophobia & exorsexism. I am willing to engage in good faith discussion. || Block the “anonsense” tag if you don’t want to see me respond to people arguing in bad faith, misconstruing what I’ve said, & other things of that nature. || I am terrible at responding to asks. So sorry in advance. Always feel free to nudge me or send them again. || I hate the infighting within the trans community & love all my trans siblings. || Do not argue about the semantics of transandrophobia to me. I will no longer engage.
Interacting with me here: Do not call me pet names, especially feminine ones. I do not care what they mean to you or whether they are considered gender neutral where you’re from. || I’m autistic & use tone tags sometimes. Say anything ableist at all or support cringe culture & you’re gone. || Please don’t talk religion on my page unless it’s about advocating for marginalized religious groups (ex: Jewish folks).
“DNI”: Radfems of any kind. I do not care how trans-inclusive you think your radical feminism is. It isn’t. Genocide denialists; free Palestine. Zero tolerance for general bigotry (homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, antisemitism, ableism, etc.) and shittiness. If you think being mean is funny, something to be proud of, or your right as a minority then I do not trust you in the slightest and I don’t want you in my space. I’m pretty radically inclusive of all queer people and care a lot about destigmatizing misunderstood groups. So, if you’re shitty to any queer groups, people with personality disorders, people with low/no empathy, people with psychosis, systems of any kind, people with paraphilias, or anyone else for traits outside their control, get the fuck out of here. All this “DNI” means is that we will not get along, it will not stop me from interacting with you to call out your bullshit.
Accessibility: I do my best to tag triggering topics & provide all images with image descriptions in the alt text; if I ever have something with audio I will be sure it has captions. I put the underwater filter on posts to differentiate them from my words, but try to provide alt text. Please let me know if I miss anything or if you want to request an accessibility feature I’m not aware of! Thank you <3
My personal blog: @corezy
The transandrophobia discord server can be accessed by DMing me. Thanks!
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This is a bit of a personal question so if you don’t want to answer I understand if you just delete this ask but
As a relatively younger trans woman, and especially new to actually exploring my sexuality…at what point do I feel like a lesbian? Like I always feel bad or weird for being attracted to lesbians. It always feels wrong or amoral or like I’m lying in some way idk
I apologize for taking a few days to answer this my dear anon. A combination of Pride and IRL stuff has left me exhausted and I wanted to make sure I really took the time to give you a good answer and my bad for the wall of text you're about to receive lol.
There's a lot I could say about this. For the sake of this post, I'm going to assume that by "younger" you mean both in your transition and your age. Transition is hard. Finding yourself is hard. To answer your question, it takes Time. And I mean this in two specific ways:
Transition is a slow process. As you continue your transition, (whatever that means to you, whether that be social, medical, both, or neither, or something else entirely) you'll find a lot of things just making more sense. The labels might slowly start to be more comfortable. Or maybe they wont, and you'll switch to new ones, but that deeper sense of understanding yourself doesn't really go away (trust me I've changed both my labels and pronouns multiple times now lol). Either way, despite anything else, over time you'll just start to feel more at home, both in your body, and how you present yourself to the world. Now this is both the scary part and the hard part: you have to take steps to find a community who accepts you as you are, and (ideally) with people like you. Yeah this requires you to put yourself out there in a way that will be uncomfortable at first. Yeah, sometimes its going to go poorly, and you'll be rejected, or shunned. And yes, it will take its toll on you mentally, emotionally and (sometimes) physically. Its worth it. Having those people in your life does more than you can know in learning how to love and accept yourself. Having people look you in the eye and tell you that they love you, they see you, you're valid in who you are, no matter what anyone else says, is just so crucial.
You just get older. I know for a lot of people that can be frightening (and like, yeah, sometimes), but I can tell you with full confidence, I LOVE being in my 30s. You couldn't pay me to go back to 20. Your teen years and 20s are fucking hard. You just get so much better at knowing which things to give a shit about in your life and you get the necessary resources to be able to not give a shit. Most days I feel like a lesbian (more of a Dyke but w/e), so I am one, no one can take that from me, and the people who dont like me using that label can fuck off. I wear more masc clothes and have more masc hobbies because I want to and that doesn't define my gender or sexuality. I like doing mutual aid projects, and working on honing my DIY skills. I love the people who are in my life and tell them unapologetically, and I appreciate every day I get to spend with them. As I get older, the more I feel like "me" and the more I learn that in reality, I do love that person. She's actually pretty great.
I hope you can trust me that it gets better. That, in spite of all the pain, all of the heartbreak, the loss and tribulations, its fucking worth it. I know I didn't think so for a long, long time. But my god I am so happy I made it here. You'll get to that point to.
#asks#Gonna tag the shit out of this even when I usually dont since id like folks to see it#trans#transfemme#lgbtq#queer#lesbian#transwomen#lgbtqia#transbian#trans woman#nonbinary
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Hi!! i’m sry if this comes off as rude or anything i just really am curious, if you’re trans masc and call yourself a boy, or identify as a boy. and you’ve got a few posts about wearing packers n stuff how can you be a lesbian? i know that wording sounds rlly rude i just can’t think of any other way to word it im sry 😭no disrespect or hate to you or ANYTHING!! i just don’t really understand how you can be a boy and a lesbian
much love though :D <3
homie idk where you got the idea that im a boy but clearly you didn't read my profile😭 i prefer more masculine pet names and titles during sex and like being called handsome and stuff but i'm a cis woman lol
also trans masc people who don't identify as men can be lesbians, the only requirement as far as im aware is that you cannot be a man or be attracted to men but you can identify as anything in between and be attracted to other non-men🤷
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hiiii… i wanted to ask more about this particular val scene where mc and her talk about that portrait and mc is a bit stuck on the word husband and wants val to know theyre not a man. can i ask what inspired that type of convo? i wanted to know if it’s something you’ll touch up on again? is this underlying feelings mc had before their entombment… worried that val sees them as a man just because mc is masc? cause i know that’s kind of broader discussion in the lesbian community iirc….. was that why you wanted to incorporate it? this ask has so many questions LOL but basically i wanted to say i was intrigued and it did made me think more on those type of dynamics (thinking back to those resources you rb’d a while ago that go more into depth about diff things in the lesbian community)
oh boy get ready for another long-winded answer from me!
a lot of the feelings mc has about their gender are inspired by Leslie Feinberg's work (mainly Stone Butch Blues)
Feinberg was someone who lived & passed as a man for years of hir life, and wrote a lot about the complexities of hir gender and what it was like being a "gender outlaw."
there was actually a scene in particular from sbb that kinda put the kernel of an idea in my mind that led to this narrative of the mc feeling overshadowed by Standard and anxious about being perceived as a man. it's towards the end of the book when Jess (sbb's protagonist) meets Ruth (a trans woman that Jess falls in love with)
Jess offers to help Ruth carry groceries up to her apartment, and Ruth takes this the wrong way & is offended, partly because she thinks Jess is a man.
One Saturday afternoon I found her clutching two huge bags of groceries and fumbling with the downstairs front-door lock. I pulled out my key.
“Here, let me.” She didn’t say thank you. She hurried ahead of me on the stairs.
“Can I help you carry those?” I offered.
“Do I look weak to you?” she asked.
I stopped on the stairs. “No. Where I come from it’s just a sign of respect, that’s all.”
She continued up the stairs. “Well, where I come from,” she called out, “men don’t reward women for pretending to be helpless.” Once I heard her apartment door close I kicked the stair in anger and frustration.
later, after they get to know each other better, they have this interaction:
I laughed and picked at my salad. “Do you know if I’m a man or a woman?”
“No,” Ruth said. “That’s why I know so much about you.”
I sighed. “Did you think I was a man when you first met me?" She nodded. "Yes. At first I thought you were a straight man. Then I thought you were gay. It’s been a shock for me to realize that even I make assumptions about sex and gender that aren’t true. I thought I was liberated from all of that.”
I smiled. “I didn’t want you to think I was a man. I wanted you to see how much more complicated I am. I wanted you to like what you saw.”
i think the inspiration here is quite obvious, hahaha. i figure anyone that's read sbb can sense the similar through-line here in my work. though the conversation between mc and Valentina has a much different tone.
there's another scene later as well after something happens to Jess and she has to have her jaw wired shut. she's working at a new job and is unable to speak, and she's also passing as a man at this job. she overhears some of her female coworkers talking about her and they refer to her as a "creep" and speculate that she's always watching one of them. Jess overhears all of this and then walks out of the job, goes home and pulls the wires out of her mouth herself:
After I was sure I’d gotten the last piece of wire out of my gums, I rinsed my mouth with whiskey and then drank the rest of it so I could sleep without remembering how Marija’s words had stripped me of my humanity.
butches & gnc women still face this kind of dehumanization; compared or likened to men in a derogatory way, accused of being "heteropatriarchal," the predatory stereotype of the fat ugly lesbian, and on the other side they're also hypersexualized, especially online and in queer spaces. butchphobia is a specific kind of misogyny that hits from all sides, even from the people that are supposed to be a part of your community. and this attitude especially effects trans women and women of color, who are already experiencing all of these things due to transmisogyny and racism.
i also really wanted to use this to touch on the kind of gender essentialism that we see in a lot of these cis feminist discussions - to these women at this job, Jess had committed no real crime other than being quiet and being the “wrong” kind of man. something about this scene has always stuck with me and really bothered me, but it's hard to put into words; on one hand i can admit i have probably been one of those women who made some kind of similar remark about a man i barely knew, but i've also been someone on the receiving end, too, because of the way i look. the mc in blood choke is put into this box, but they can't fit in, as someone who has been on both sides and doesn't really understand where they belong because of it; how can she stand beside Valentina or Hana or Clear when they might see her as a perpetrator, someone who can't be trusted? how does this mindset harm both the women and the men of the council and everyone in between? how can we break this cycle?
one of the films i mentioned recently when talking about the character designs was The Same Difference, which is specifically about the Black lesbian community and the discrimination within that community based upon gender roles (though this is not something limited to just the Black lesbian community)
a lot of the women in that doc talk about the boxes they're put in as AG or stud lesbians - they can't have their hair long, they can't wear makeup, they can't do this or that, they have to be aggressive and hard or else they're not real studs. they discuss stud on stud (or butch4butch) and how other lesbians look down on those types of lesbians, as well as the disdain for bisexual women for "betraying" the community. it explores the way misogyny and the patriarchy still oppress these women and forces them into this restrictive gender role despite their refusal to adhere to the other role originally assigned to them, and the way racism specifically intersects and exacerbates it for Black lesbians. there's a stud that's an exotic dancer and wears a weave, and a lot of other studs have a problem with this because a weave is "a female thing." another section follows a pregnant stud, and how the community shuns her for that, because she "dresses like a man and acts like a man" so why is she getting pregnant when she should be "the man"?
mc doesn't remember how they felt before entombment, but waking up they feel this need to prove themselves - both in that they are hard and aggressive like a butch should be, but also in that they want to be this person for Valentina or Clear or Hana (or all of them) that is safe and comforting. but they aren't sure how to do that when the world perceives them as this one specific thing - as a husband, as Standard, as a man, specifically this man who hurt Valentina.
of course we've already seen this to not be true of the companions with the last chapter as the mc learns more and spends more time with everyone. but this is kind of the foundation of where this whole idea came from. it started with my novel & i chose vampires for that story & this one because there is a long history of lesbian vampirism (and also because it's sexy) but there's this "curse" that both Hana & Valerie talk about in their respective stories, the first one being the racism she's had to face, the transphobia, along with this alienation and perception of lesbians as predatory and conniving and aggressive, as vampires, which i just think really lends itself to expanding upon these issues lesbians & trans women face both in general and within the community.
anyways if you want to read more i suggest Stone Butch Blues, which you can get for free on Leslie Feinberg's website, as well as S/he, by Minnie Bruce Pratt, available on the internet archive, Gender Failure by Ivan E. Coyote & Rae Spoon also on the internet archive, and you can rent The Same Difference for $10 on vimeo.
#im gonna be real idk if this makes sense to anyone but me. lmfao#but basically leslie feinberg is a huge inspiration for me#and just exploring the way homophobia and transphobia and misogyny all intersect when someone is gnc#and the expectations put on them#i think about butch al a lot and the things she says to jess and the way that section of the book plays out#and then in the end when the cops raid the bar#al and jess are fags except for what the cops did to al and the way they dehumanize her#how the mc is considered a man in certain instances - when the girls throw a brick at her or when the woman yells at her in the bathroom#or when atlas shakes hands with her and calls her their man#but other times she's a 'proper lady' with V or when that man gives her and Hana a dirty look in the elevator#or when cassius says 'ladies first'#mc is always one or the other whatever is convenient and degrades her the most in the moment#you know?#i dont know. im just saying stuff#basically i want to explore these gendered expectations & stereotypes and how they harm someone vulnerable like mc#how they feel alienated even from V & hana & clear for not being butch enough#but also for being butch and trans in the first place and feeling like an infiltrator#ask#anonymous
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I really want to know, why does it bother you so much that there are cis gay men in the world who do not want to have sex with afab people? it triggers your dysphoria and makes you feel bad, I gather that much, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to their sexual boundaries.
especially when there are countless posts made by gay people that are talking about same sex attraction that get dog piled by trans people feeling excluded, when they just are inherently excluded from some peoples sexual attraction.
gender and sex are different yes? and sexuality is based on sex. this seems to be something we disagree on. trans men are men, they have the right to live as themselves and transition, but they are still trans. not everyone is going to be sexually attracted to them, or have them included in their sexuality, especially people who are single sex attracted. I want to know what’s transphobic about this.
your crusade to get cis people to accept any genitals in a partner is actively driving a wedge in the lgbt community, I would like to understand your perspective beyond “this makes my dysphoric, I feel excluded, therefore I will create the term TEHM and make these people into villains on tumblr.com”
I ask this out of curiosity, I am interested to hear what your takes are in one place since it’s hard to find your whole POV across multiple posts. We don’t agree and probably won’t ever agree, but I hope you can see where I’m coming from and I hope I can do the same for you.
I was going to delete this ask, but this is the most politely that one of you has come into my inbox. I don't have the energy to write up anything that long about the subject but I'll try my best.
As I have stated many, many times, I don't care if an individual cis gay man doesn't date or fuck trans men. I really don't. The problem arises when cis gay men claim that they cannot be attracted to trans men, or that their supposed lack of attraction to us makes us any less male or any less gay.
A cis gay man making a blanket statement about never wanting to date/fuck a trans man in specific is like an allistic person loudly proclaiming that they would never date/fuck an autistic person, or a white person saying they would never be with a POC. While their individual choices don't matter, their "preferences" reveal that they are bigots.
"Trans men are men" is incompatible with the idea that gay men cannot be attracted to us. Hell, I'm a gay man, and I love my fellow trans men. If a gay man truly sees trans men as men, he will have the capacity to be attracted to us. The idea that sexuality is based on sex can be easily debunked by many examples of cis gay men dating and fucking trans men, as well as the fact that we have documented evidence of so-called "I'm only attracted to biological males!!!" type of men unknowingly fucking stealth trans men.
Now onto my more important point, the issue with TEHMs is not that they embarrass themselves by making a huge display about how they're so obsessed with hating boypussy, but that they try to claim that their own lack of attraction to trans men means that we should not be included in gay male spaces.
Not every cis gay man is going to be included in the attraction of every other cis gay man, but we don't see fem4fem cis gays claiming that masc cis gays don't belong in our spaces, do we? But because trans men are treated like shit even by other queer people, no one comes to defend us.
And as for posts that talk about "same sex attraction" being dogpiled by trans people, yeah, they deserved that. Gay trans men and transfem lesbians experience homophobia, and the vast majority of experiences that TEHMs call "SSA experiences" apply to us. Gay trans men are a very diverse group of people with very different experiences and daily lives from each other.
I also did not coin "TEHM." It was coined in 2017 by another Tumblr user who I don't remember the username of.
And before you go "but what about cis gay men who are trans allies who just aren't attracted to them 🥺" and to that I say, please show me someone. I have yet to meet a cis gay man who claims to have a genital preference or who says he would never fuck boypussy, who is also a trans ally. They all end up going mask off immediately. And so many of them try and make their subconscious biases that make them believe trans men are unattractive my problem.
It's true that we probably won't ever agree on this, especially if you're cis. If you're trans, I wish you the best of luck overcoming your internalized transphobia, and my blog will be waiting for you when that time comes. You seem to misunderstand the problem that I and other gay trans men have with TEHMs, and it comes from the bias that we're just entitled women who want to fuck gay men.
Obviously, when a gay trans man calls out bigotry, he can't ever have a point 🙄 it must just be someone refusing to play along with his fetish! (sarcasm)
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i’ve arivved limo style to invite you in and have a convo about mcg. please do come in. my most esteemed mcg scholar. i have no idea how to spell that
upon reading your most recent fic i was most intrigued by your take on our beloved minerva m. mcgonagall (idk what her middle name is i like m) because you took her in a completely different direction then i did and i am actually fucking obsessed with it. where you see her as more masc leaning im over here in hyperfem-domme-with-a-riding-crop land but i love that both versions of her that we’ve manifested have that same core being that makes her mc-fucking-g. you understand, of course.
and now, we mustdiscuss mcg with a belly button piercing. because idk how old you see her in like “present day” (like in my mcj fic she’s in her mid 60s i think, at least to me but i left it open for interp) but i think miss mcg was absolutely out there on the town (the hamptons boardwalk, circa 1960) looking hot as hell in a skimp bikini and giant audrey hepburn-esque sunglasses and her humongus navel piercing, a minx in the flesh. and its so sad james nor rita couldve been there to admire it.
(ive actually been dying to pick your brain about your mcg since i read your rita fic because she is SO so very. tjere are no words to describe how much i want her. i need to know your every thoufht)
i am enthusiastically and being very suave as i step into this limo of yours. thank you for inviting me im very glad we can have this important meeting
first off. minerva m. mcgonagall sounds so unbelievably sexy. i wholeheartedly agree. i don’t know why margaret entered my brain immediately but minerva margaret mcgonagall has a nice ring to it……. sounds very Esteemed.
and yeah. to me she’s always been the shane masc type dyke standing at the front of riots, having freaky queer friends, never settled down because she has massive commitment issues. her other lesbian friends are married by now but she just never did.. she got her degree and fucked around. in my ritaminerva fic i picture her being between 57-59 and rita as 26-28
however. let me tell you. your femme dom minerva has been on! my! mind! she makes me a little insane. whenever i read your mcj i picture them in a 50s film with butch james and older femme minerva. they’re so unbelievably delicious to me. femdom minerva i want you so bad. and MID SIXTIES…….. ive been wondering and pondering over this. that’s so fucking sexy i need a minute
and yes of course i understand. we’re the minerva understanders with our different takes on her character and i am so deeply obsessed with yours
and yes, to the point being minerva’s belly button piercing. minerva with her hepburn swagger and tight bikinis and just a huge shimmering belly button piercing…… what an absolute Vision. i’m imagining this is a surprise to anyone who would sleep with her now that she’s in her mid sixties. like im picturing james figuring this out and her reaction. i would literally short circuit entirely if i was her.. and just imagining her when she was younger.. turning heads on the beach in her skimpy bikini and loud laugh and the jewels in her navel. i would be Staring.
so for my minerva. she’s in her late 50s and wears waistcoats and patterned suits. she wears a lot of silver jewelry. lots of rings and a modest silver chain around her neck. her hair is short and graying and she wears it in a small bun every day at the university. i think my minerva would’ve impulsively gotten a belly button piercing when she was like 19 and one of her friends did it for her (who works as a piercer today). they were maybe a little high and minerva woke up the next day and just. never took it out. it’s one of those simple belly button piercings. just plain silver piercing. she wears the same one always until she feels she should change it. she has had a few with different colored stones (i dont know if thats what its called..) before. black, green and red. she likes to keep it simple but she doesn’t want to take it out. i feel like she took it out at some point when she turned 30+ something because she felt she was too old for it but then she found a piercing lying around her house when she was around 44 and though ’i should see if it still goes in’ <— literally what i did last year. i hadn’t worn a belly button piercing since i was 17 and then i spontaneously bought one because i was curious and it still went in ahdjfjskf.
however. the body tries to reject piercings right. so i imagine she can’t wear the ’normal’ piercings anymore. they’re too heavy and the skin is too thin (???) now. so……… im very much thinking about her getting one of those belly button rings. she reaches 50 and has been wearing one since she put it back in…… and now she’s attached again. so she buys a belly button ring. and just keeps it. which is a vision that makes me salivate…. minerva i Want you.
im having prophetic visions about rita seeing it for the first time….. and just losing her mind. because to me rita is very heavily femme but she doesn’t really have piercings or tattoos. she has the usual pair of earrings and thats it. she wears big earrings, flashy and elegant. but the professor has atleast 6 piercings in her ears even if she’s only wearing two small silver rings these days. and then rita sees the belly button ring and her immediate impulsive is to get it between her teeth
incidentally. this has also made me consider minerva and tattoos. i think she wouldve gotten a few dumb ones in her youth. maybe even a sleezy tramp stamp that says ’STUD!’ or something….. i’m also having visions of her with one of those 90s dykey tattoos that alice has in the l word
WHICH THE ACTRESS HAS SINCE REMOVED. a travesty to me. either way. the thought of minerva with faded tattoes from her youth…… im having thoughts
either way. please i would love to know your every thought about femme minerva and her belly button piercing. she’s living in my mind and im becoming obsessed with her… femdom minerva in her mid sixties i want you so bad. i want to know everything about her and her youth… what kinds of piercings… how often does she change them… does she match them with her outfits……. or with her underwear…. the way it dangles when she walks i am Weak.
(im so happy you sent this ask because ive been DYING to discuss minerva with you. whenever you post about her or mcj i am stopping everything and Reading……..)
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