#you deserve the softest coziest things in life

[basicallyahedgehog]

Happy birthday darling Fay @thesleepiesthufflepuff!!! You are such a ray of light and a joy to know, and I am so so so grateful to be able to call you my friend. You deserve the whole world, but I hope this fluffy little thing inspired by Clodagh and her jammies will suffice. Wishing you the happiest of birthdays and all the puppy snuggles today.

Harry paced restlessly up and down the hallway as he waited for the dog trainer to arrive. It had seemed like a good idea at the time — Dog needed to be trained, and No Bark, No Bite had the highest ratings in the neighbourhood. Harry had been full of hope as he’d filled out the online form, visions of long walks with his faithful companion swimming through his head. It had all come crashing down, however, when the confirmation email came through. 

“Draco Malfoy will see you at 10am on Wednesday morning.”

So here Harry was, contemplating whether he could just live with the fact that Dog refused to go outside so that he could escape the doom that was fast approaching.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Malfoy anymore. No, he quite liked the git now that they had all grown up a bit and let bygones be bygones. The problem was quite the opposite, really. Because Malfoy — Draco — was smart and witty and charming and fucking fit. And Harry knew Draco worked with animals. Knew his job was in Harry’s own neighbourhood. And now he was coming here to Harry’s house and he’d know that Harry was fucking incompetent — and a liar, because Harry had told him only three days ago that everything was fine and he didn’t need help with his new puppy but thank you very much.

He was so stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

-----

Draco chewed on his lips as he walked up the path, once again questioning the wisdom in taking this job. He should have handed the client on to Cassie as soon as he saw the name. Should have packed his bags and move to another country. Because now he had to work with Harry and be professional. Had to pretend that the mere idea of Harry with a puppy didn’t make his insides melt. 

He sucked in a breath and knocked on the door, relaxing minutely when he heard a faint crash from inside followed by colourful swearing. At least he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. 

Harry opened the door, his hair even more wild than it was on pub nights. A tiny black puppy crouched behind him, eyeing the open door in fascination but making no move to step outside. 

“Potter.” Draco held out his hand, determined to remain professional. “How can I help you?”

-----

A disaster. It was all a terrible disaster. 

Draco had stayed barely half an hour before declaring he knew the problem, but wouldn’t be able to fix it today. He had almost run back down the street, as if he couldn’t stand to be near Harry any longer. 

Harry knew he was weird and awkward, but he thought he’d had it vaguely under control that morning.

Sure, he had a dog named Dog. Well, Dumbledog, at Teddy’s insistence, but even Harry wasn’t strange enough to go around calling the poor little thing by her full name. And yes, he couldn’t work a normal job like Draco did, and yes, Dog was largely purchased with the plan to train her as a therapy dog to help him with his anxiety. And yes, he was so fucking gone on Draco that he could barely string two sentences together. 

But that didn’t mean Draco had to run away, did it?

He could only hope that he would be able to hold himself together better next time they saw each other.

-----

A disaster. It was all a terrible disaster. 

Harry had been so sweet and so concerned about his dog, all of Draco’s heartstrings had been stretched beyond their limits. And he had a dog named Dog of all things, which Draco would have laughed at if it had been anyone else. Instead it was Harry, and Draco felt all stretched out and upside down. Like nothing in the world could ever be the same now that he had seen Harry cuddle a tiny, wriggly ball of fluff named Dog.

So here he was, a tangle of yarn in his lap, knitting needles in one hand and instruction book in the other. Because poor Dog was cold and there was only one thing he could do when faced with a puppy who refused to go on walks with Harry Potter due to the cold.

Learn to knit doggy jumpers.

-----

Harry was baffled. 

“So, Dog was just cold?”

“Yeah,” Draco replied, tucking Dog’s paws through the front legs of her new little jumper. “Hopefully this is enough, but we might need to get her booties too if her feet are sensitive.”

“They sell booties for dogs?”

“The Muggles do, yeah. They’re quite sweet, actually.”

Harry blinked. Had Draco just called a Muggle invention sweet?

“Could we not just use a warming charm?” Dog looked very sweet in her jumper, but Harry couldn’t help be confused by the fact that Draco hadn’t immediately turned to magic. 

“Oh, Dog is allergic to warming charms. I checked last time, but you were so worried about her I didn’t want to say anything until I had a solution.”

“Oh.” Harry could only stare at Draco, silently willing his expression into something acceptable. “Thank you, Draco. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

This man was going to be the death of him.

-----

This man was going to be the death of him.

“Dog is allergic to warming charms,” he muttered to himself furiously. “Honestly, Draco, could you have been any more obvious?”

He sunk into his couch, running his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know how Harry hadn’t seen right through him, he hadn’t even tried to hide how stupidly in love he was.

Love. Fuck. He loved Harry Potter and now he’d lied to him and fucking learnt to knit for his dog and…

There was only one thing left to do.

-----

“So she needed the booties, then?” Harry blinked sleepily at Draco, who had turned up unexpectedly while Harry and Dog were having a nap. 

“Well, she seemed to walk happily last week, but I thought it was better safe than sorry. How has she been?”

“She’s been great! I think the jacket has really helped, thank you so much.”

“I��m glad to hear it. I’ll leave you to it then.” 

Draco began to walk away, and Harry made a snap decision. 

“Wait! Did you want to come for a walk with us? You know, to check on Dog’s progress?”

Harry was an idiot. A sweet, bumbling, adorable idiot. And Draco was a fool.

Dog had loved their walk, prancing through the fallen leaves and chasing squirrels as far as her lead would allow. Harry, however, had looked positively miserable as his eyes watered and his nose streamed and his fingers turned blue.

“I told you to bundle up, Potter,” Draco had said, only half of his old sneer coming through. 

“I put an extra sweater on!” Harry had exclaimed, as if a sweater would keep his extremities warm. 

“What about a hat? A scarf? Some mittens?”

“Oh,” Harry said, tilting his head in thought. “I don’t think I own any. Gave them all to Dobby.”

“Potter, Dobby died ten years ago.” He’d tried to be soft, tried not to snap at the foolish, stupid man beside him.

“I guess I just didn’t think about it.”

And so now Draco was awake at 2am, for the third night in a row, knitting furiously.

-----

“And I thought he’d just bought the little sweater for Dog, and I thought it was sweet that he’d found booties that matched. But…but these all showed up on my doorstep yesterday, and they all match Dog’s things, and I don’t know what it means.”

Harry sat on Ron and Hermione’s couch, head in hands, a pile of knitwear on the floor in front of him. The hat, scarf and mittens had been on his front step that morning when he and Dog went for their first walk of the day. There hadn’t been a note, but the yarn was so distinctive. They could have only come from one person.

“Harry.” Hermione spoke gently, as if she had something important to say and didn’t know how Harry would take it. “Why would Draco buy Dog a sweater instead of just using a warming charm?”

“He said Dog was allergic to them. Said he checked on his first visit but didn’t want to worry me.”

Ron made a strange choking noise before excusing himself to the kitchen.

“Harry, charms can’t cause allergies.”

“But…why would he buy her a sweater then?” 

“Harry…” Hermione looked at him softly, as if pleading with him to figure out what she already had. He looked again at the bundle of yarn on the floor, at the uneven stitches and slightly lumpy shapes.

“He didn’t buy them, did he?”

Hermione grabbed his hand. “No, Harry. He didn’t.”

“But, why?”

Ron’s voice came from behind them. “HE’S FUCKING COURTING YOU, MATE.”

-----

Draco trudged up Harry’s front path. He’d promised himself after last time that he wouldn’t be back, but he’d gotten a text from Harry that morning asking him to come over. 

He’d tried not to hope, tried to ignore the warmth swelling in his chest. 

If Harry had figured it out, surely he would have said something before now. After all, it had almost been a week since he’d dropped off the knitwear.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the door opening, but he couldn’t ignore the exuberant ball of fluff jumping all over him. The exuberant ball of fluff wearing…a knitted bow tie?

“She was meant to give you this, but she was too excited to wait for me to tie it on.” Draco looked up from Dog to see Harry standing in front of him, a timid smile on his face as he held out a small roll of parchment. Draco took it tentatively, eyes flicking back to Harry as he unrolled it.

My owner is an idiot, but some would say that makes him cute.

Will you go out with him? Dog is optional on dates.

Harry rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet as Draco read and reread the scroll. 

This was a terrible idea, he should have bought flowers or whiskey or-

Draco dropped the scroll, his face unreadable as he stood. Harry opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, but then it didn’t matter because Draco was reaching for him and cradling his head and kissing him.

Maybe he hadn’t been so stupid, after all.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I’ve been in recovery for a couple years & I’ve gained so much weight & it hasn’t gotten easier. I’m terrified of gaining more weight. I hate my body. i miss the way I used to look. i can’t seem to get over this, I can’t seem to feel ok in my body as it is, I just feel like I need to be thin. i don’t know what to do to stop feeling like this. Every time I eat more than I’m used to i spiral. I have to cover up my mirrors. I can’t be in photos. I don’t know how to live like this.

I'm pretty sure you're not alone. It's really really hard. We're taught to romanticize thinness and hate weight gain from a very early age. I remember the compliments from my family and peers when I was at my thinnest. Pretty sure they didn't know what I was doing to myself to achieve it.

First of all, you've gotta let your body do its thing while it heals. It might fluctuate for a while, and yes, that might mean gaining more weight. Maybe you could try asking yourself what that means to you? I truly feel you here - it's terrifying to gain. We're taught that success means staying consistently thin, but this is just not realistic for the average human being. Our bodies react to the life events we are going through, and that means they change. Whatever negative thing weight gain means to you, can you try to replace those thoughts with neutral ones? If you can't do positivity right now, neutrality might be a stepping stone. Just replacing self-hating thoughts with "my body is doing what it needs to do to function optimally." "My body is trying to keep me alive." "My body deserves as much respect as any other body." "My body's job is not to conform, but to keep me alive."

While you're not focusing on how your body looks presently, maybe focus on how you feel within your body without looking at it. For example, while taking a shower, you could enjoy how you experience the hot water on your body. If you take walks, you could focus on the feeling of sunshine, or your body getting to enjoy moving around. The texture of your coziest pajamas or softest blankets - things that are about enjoying your body without focusing on how it looks.

If this helps you get to a better place, perhaps then you might start feeling ready to love your looks at any size while eating intuitively.

[speuradair]

Nights With Nagito, Chiaki

Request: "I really like your 'nights with' stuff, so maybe nights with Nagito and Chiaki? (Separately please!)"

Nagito's nighttime routine could go one of two ways

Either he has absolutely 0% of a routine at all and just kind of crashes whenever he happens to crash

Or he has to follow a routine pretty strictly if he hopes to calm himself enough to rest

Honestly, he could even be a mix of the two, sometimes following a strict plan and sometimes just sleeping randomly

It would probably depend on your own bedtime routine

If you have a structured plan, he'd follow along

If you're more of the type to just crawl right into bed, he'll do that too

Though, Nagito does have rougher nights where he finds himself plagued with more anxiety and insomnia than usual

That's when he'd need more structure to soothe himself enough to fall asleep

Then he's willing to do pretty much any of the standard tips for falling asleep

Calming teas, stretching, reading, deep breathing

Sometimes it's because what he's doing is actually calming, and sometimes it's because it's distracting him from his worries

Nonetheless, Nagito will generally follow your lead

When he does fall asleep, Nagito becomes the world's biggest cuddly koala

He tends to keep himself from being as clingy as he really is when he's awake, but when he's asleep, he isn't conscious enough to hold back

Prepare to be absolutely smothered by this soft, marshmallow man

9 time out of 10, you wake up with him literally on top of you, with his arms wrapped around you securely

Good luck trying to get up if you wake up before him, because he's a deep sleeper and he definitely isn't about to let go of you while he's still asleep

Chiaki is definitely the type to not have even the slightest bit of a nighttime routine

She's either eating, gaming, or sleeping

That's about it

Basically she plays a game until she just passes out, always ending up sleeping while the game menu cycles in the background

So similarly to Nagito, Chiaki bases her routine on yours!

She plays at her computer while you're up, grabs her switch and follows you around while you get ready for bed, and crawls into bed beside you- still playing her game

Though, being with you, she kind of develops a routine of doing just that

Once you're both in bed, you curl up against her and watch or listen to her play until you give into the sleep tugging at your eyes

Her favorite thing in the entire world is feeling you lay against her as she plays

She stays up really late while gaming, but just having you fall asleep beside her is more than enough to make her swoon

She's convinced that it makes her play even better than usual

On the rare occasion that you aren't sleeping beside her, she finds herself struggling in-game and in real life as sleep seems to evade her

Cuddling with you is the only bedtime routine she has, and she just gets anxious without it/you

When you both are asleep, Chiaki actually let's go of her handheld/controller to cling to you

It's very rare that you two don't wake up with limbs completely tangled together

Chiaki is also pretty clingy, which is only amplified when she's sleepy

Well, more sleepy than usual

Also, your shared room definitely has the most chill vibe ever

Chiaki has those LED lights on both the wall and on her consoles/pc, which softly pulse from pink to purple and cast a rosy glow on the entire room

She also plays a lot of games with awesome soundtracks, so more often than not you end up sleeping to the sounds of minecraft, animal crossing, stardew valley, Zelda, etc

Your room is also full of the softest, coziest blankets and pillows

Basically your room is an absolute sanctuary and it's what you both deserve

[mashup-writing]

If only you were here; Hwang Yeji (ITZY)

--------------------------------------------------

Summary: Yeji was the leader, she couldn't afford to be seen being anything less than perfect for the role. No crying, being sad, or feeling any kind of negativity. But she's only human, and being human means letting your emotions run through you.

Requested? ☒

"Miles away from seeing you."

--------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶--------------------

She was exhausted. Today's schedule was nothing but hectic, from interviews to filming for music videos. All Yeji had wanted to do was be with her girlfriend, to have her take away the stress, to run her fingers through her hair, to hold her like doing so was the only thing keeping her together. But with Y/N visiting her hometown? The best she could do was a facetime.

She loved her job, her members, and their MIDZYs. She really does. But sometimes the high life takes more from you than it gives. Lately her girls have been facing prejudiced hate from a bunch of ruthless people online. Lia was being branded as "Lazy" and it made the leader's blood boil, among all five of them Lia was the one who spends the most time in the practice room, especially when she has trouble with some of the choreography. She remembers a memory of theirs that included Lia almost passing out of exhaustion in the practice room, Yeji herself wasn't enough to pull the pale and sluggish girl out of there. If Yuna's maturity and hidden stern-ness hadn't reared their heads then she has no doubt that Lia would've ended up in a hospital bed.

Chaeryeong is under fire for "Being Ugly" and all Yeji could do was scoff at the stupidity of the false accusation. Despite Yeji being Y/N's girlfriend, Chaeryeong was the latter's bias. This information had her shocked, Chaeryeong smug, and worst of all: It gave Ryujin a field day. Which resulted in getting the other three members in on teasing her. "Anyone who catches Y/N's eye is fucking beautiful" she mutters to herself. Not to toot her own horn but Y/N has an eye not only for gorgeous looking people, most times those she ends up liking are great people with great personalities. Your ex, Ahn Hyejin of Mamamoo is a damn great example of that.

Another one of her members under fire is Yuna, the baby of their new little family. Knets had a field day when it was found out that the Maknae wasn't originally planned to become a part of ITZY. Jumping on the chance to poke at the youngest's insecurity, thry took to saying that she wasn't good enough to be with them, much less have debuted at all. That's bullshit, and she won't leave room for argument. Yuna is the glue that holds them together, the friend that they can't imagine not having even when they've been a group for less than a year. She stands up to Yeji without being disrespectful when the leader is being too strict or controlling. She pulls Lia out of her workaholic state whenever it starts to become detrimental instead of beneficial. She is the one carrying Ryujin's ass whenever the latter thinks her dad jokes are funny. She's the one to calm Chaeryeong down backstage whenever the latter is feeling nervous, anxious or on the verge of a breakdown.

Ryujin's a reliable friend through and through, but if the fate of the world was decided by the rapper's ability to tell a funny joke? Yeji bets that they all would've died ages ago, she's better at joking around with actions than she is with words. Which leads to some people labeling some of Ryujin's actions as "Bullying". Yeji admits to herself that, yes. To the untrained eye it does seem as if Ryujin's the type, she has the face of a villain when she wants to look intimidating after all. But the rapper is also the softest person she has ever known in her life, testified by the one time they had a pillow fight in the dorm. In the heat of the moment, Ryujin's slipper got thrown and it knocked a Lizard dead off their wall. The pillow fight abruptly ended with four members trying to make her feel less guilty over the critter's untimely death.

Lia interjected that had the moment been captured on camera, some MIDZYs would be making a meme of how they'd like to be that "Lucky" lizard. Ryujin cried harder, because the lizard was not at all "Lucky" in her opinion.

--------------------------------------------------

Yeji was so lost in her own thoughts and so fatigued that she didn't even realize that she had finished changing from her performance outfit to the clothes she wore before clocking in for work. It was only when she had closed the door to her dorm room did she realize how tired she actually was. She was thankful she had been given her own room instead of bunking with someone else again, she's not too sure she could make it up in a bunk bed if she was still roommates with someone.

She crashes onto the bed and pulls out her phone. Most days she would get some shut eye and just facetime her girlfriend in the morning, but at the moment she thinks she'll end up in a mental ward if she goes another second without hearing her Y/N speak. So despite the fact that she can't feel her legs anymore and that her eyelids are growing heavier by the second, she calls.

Ring

Ring

Ring

--------------------------------------------------

Ring

Ring

Ring

You're pulled from the coziest and most comfortable sleep you've fallen into for the night by a constant ringing. You rub your eyes and turn towards your nightstand where your phone is located. "Who in their right fucking mind would be calling at this hour?" You grab your phone and the caller photo snaps you out of your mood before you even see the caller's name.

You hurriedly turn on your lamp on the nightstand and then proceeded to hit answer. "YEJ- whoa, not that I'm unhappy to see you but you look like you should be asleep instead. You look tired as hell Yej. Did you eat yet? How about water? Please stay away from dehydration and be sure to drink regularly." Yeji smiles at you, with her eyes drooping every now and then. "Yeah, I should be asleep but I just missed you so much I couldn't sleep without seeing you first."

You sit up and lean against the head board instead of laying down, your worry increasing tenfold. "What's wrong?" Yeji knows how to prioritize her health first and she never calls you half asleep because she had always claimed that you deserved nothing less than her full attention. She never calls you half asleep unless she's alarmingly close to losing her composure. Her eyes widen as soon as the question leaves your mouth, and a sniffle makes its way through the line. She burried her face in her arm and struggles with wanting to tell you and wanting to fake being strong with you.

You sense the dilemma within your girl and you refuse to let her carry this alone. "Hey, I'd never force you to spill. But I am always gonna be here to listen to your troubles. I already know how strong you are, you've got nothing more to prove. Let it out and I'll be here to support you." Yeji's resolve crumbles and she cries as she tells you everything that's been weighing her down today. She cries because of the unfairness of it all, she cries about how she can't protect her girls, she cries about how she wants nothing more than to wrap them up in a hug and not let go until they're all better but the girls just like their leader want to seem strong and untouchable for each other.

Yeji cries about how she wishes she was with you instead of working, she cries about how guilty she feels for sometimes wishing that they never had to go through the unfairness that the idol life had to offer, she cries about how she feels like she's disappointing the MIDZYs for feeling as she feels. She cries because it's just the start of their journey and she's already so tired. She cries because it's the only way she knows how to get rid of the stress, even if it's just a temporary solution.

What hurts you the most is that she doesn't look at you as she says this. You're a MIDZY after being Yeji's girlfriend and it you don't miss the way she chokes up even more when she said she feels like she's disappointing the fandom. You let your girlfriend let it all out before taking a moment to pull yourself together, and then you speak.

"I can't and I won't tell you that I understand how you feel as an Idol because I'm not one. But as a MIDZY, I can and I will tell you that you were born to be the leader of ITZY, no one else could step up to that role as well as you do even if they tried. Tell the girls I told you to let the haters run their mouths, because we MIDZYs know that each and every one of you brings something special to the table. ITZY isn't ITZY if it doesn't have Hwang Yeji, Choi Jisu, Shin Ryujin, Lee Chaeryeong and Shin Yuna as the members. You girls are a fucking unit and you are all strong enough to knock those bitches speechless."

You stare at Yeji the whole time and notice that although her body has stopped shaking, her tears are still making their way down her cheeks. You take in every detail of her face and wish with everything within you that you were there with her to wipe her tears and hold her close. In your opinion, words aren't enough but you suppose due to the distance between you two that you've gotta work with what you have at the moment. Right now all you have are feelings and words.

"Now as your girlfriend." Yeji's head adjusts enough that you could see half of her face, but the other half still remains buried in her arm. "I'm telling you that you can never disappoint me." She chuckles in humor before turning her gaze away from her phone. "You don't know that, I'm not perfect-"

"I never said you were."

Silence sits between the two of you. Not once in your whole relationship had you intentionally interrupted Yeji when she was speaking, you strongly believed that everyone deserved a chance to speak their piece. But that had exceptions. Such as now. "I never said you were perfect, because you're not. You're human and you have your flaws but believe me when I say that you could never disappoint me, despite the fact that humans weren't designed to be perfect you still work on yourself everyday trying to polish all the rough edges, trying to better yourself not for anyone or anything but yourself because you really want to be better than you were in the past. How could I be disappointed in someone as noble as that?"

You notice that she's now actively fighting to keep her eyes open and you smile. "You okay for now?" She nods and you continue. "Then go to sleep, God knows you both need and deserve a good night's rest. I'll call you back tomorrow when you wake up, so you can tell me about everything else your sleep addled brain forgot to tell me tonight."

Yeji uncovers the other half of her face and eyes stare at her screen that shows your face, now more than ever she wishes she was there with you, to thank you and hold you for everything you've said and for the way you've calmed her down. She promises herself that once you meet back up in person, she'll make it up to you. But for now words will have to do.

"Thank you Y/N. I love you."

Your smile grows wider and Yeji swears she's ready to make a fool out of herself just to ensure that that smile never fades away from your face. You take your a moment to memorize the candid details of Yeji's face before replying. "I love you too Yeji. Good night." Both of you wave goodbye and as heavy of an action it was, you take the initiative to end the call because you know that if you left it up to your girlfriend she would never hit that End Call button.

--------------------------------------------------

Yeji places her phone on the nightstand by her bed.

Y/N lies back down properly on the bed.

The two stare straight ahead of them, eyes unfocused.

They take a deep breath before closing their eyes, ignoring the need that courses through their hearts.

"I'll be with her soon enough."

--------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶--------------------

A/N: I think this is the longest fic I've written on this app? Why the hell is there too little ITZY content on this app? it feels like drought istg 😭😭

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I’m really sorry for bothering you, but I’m just having the shittiest day ever and I was hoping you could tell me something good? Anything at all. Because I’m so sick of hating myself and finding out that no matter what I do it’s not good enough to deserve the people I care about to like me, and this lockdown is making everything extra shit because I can’t even go for a walk to feel better. So even if you just tell me you saw a bee or a bird today, it would help. Yours, a lonely lurker

Hi Nonny *hugs*

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so isolated. I feel you 100%... there are days where I just feel like I’m not making any difference or I’m not worth anything too, and I feel very alone. But you know what? You and I, we’re not alone. We’re alone together, and we’re alone with everyone else feeling alone and looking for a connection. We are all in this together, and we can make it through all of this.

I know that’s easy enough to say, so I am here for you, hugging you tight and keeping you close to my heart, just as I do all my Lonely Lovelies who need it. 

BUT you want something more happy than me trying to be, LOL, so here it is: This fandom is a beautiful place, with all of our creatives and editors and writers, providing us with a plethora of amazing stuff to help us get through all of this!

Here’s another thing that I find helps with my anxiety, and I am hoping it will help you too: Find your coziest, softest blanket, and your cuddliest pillow. Wrap that blankie snugly around you, curl up in a comfortable spot, and grab your pillow and snug it in close to you and wrap the blankie around you and your pillow, and just hug tight. It’s calming and comforting, and eventually leads me to topple sideways and snooze a bit, LOL. Pop on your favourite show or movie and just binge. It’s comforting and happy. :)

And while I’m not super happy about being stuck at home, I like working at home because I get to watch whatever I want (instead of the CONSTANT news shit that our work TVs are on), work in my pyjamas, take as many breaks as I want as long as I get my work done, and all I have to do is check in with my boss everyday where he makes sure we’re all doing okay, and has offered to be an ear if we need someone to talk to. Yes, I’m very lucky, I understand that, but it’s something that makes me happy today, even though I miss the social aspect of my job terribly. OH!! And I got toilet paper finally!! I’m not rationing my last 10 rolls anymore, LOL. AND!! I got some groceries finally AND spent a ridiculous amount of money on David’s Tea because I’m running low on my tea supply and I wanted some more Iced Tea flavours LOL. So I’m supposed to be getting that either tomorrow or Monday, so YAY! Hmmmm.... OH! And it’s a sunny day outside, so I’ve got some sunshine in my life today

*HUGS* Hope you’re gonna be alright Nonny. I love you very much

[dinoyoongi]

Confirm or Deny (1)

SYNOPSIS: You’re a member of the rising group FRNZEE. You’ve been dating Namjoon for years when Dispatch releases an article exposing your relationship. Your company confirms the relationship. Big Hit denies it.

PARTS: ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR |

PAIRING: Namjoon x You

GENRE: Romance, Angst

WARNINGS: Language, brief mentions of sexual situations

WORD COUNT: 3363

AUTHORS NOTE: I’m not sure how many parts this will have - I’m just going to write until I’m satisfied and break them up in chunks. Please show it some love if you like it and want more! And yes, this is inspired by the very real “scandal” between iKON’s Yunheyong and Momoland’s Daisy. 

________________________________

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you,” a deep voice butchers the celebratory song as its owner ducks down to slide his body into the car. Despite the spacious backseat, he's scooting his body so that he's pressed up against yours. You can't help but giggle, playfully covering your ears. Namjoon chuckles. “Alright, I get it. I should stick to rapping.”

“No way. Jungkook who? You are the real main vocal of BTS,” you tease, leaning in with puckered lips.

He laughs loudly, meeting you halfway and giving you the softest, sweetest kiss. The satisfied grin on his face when he pulls away has you melting to the seat. “Hello. Happy Birthday, Sweets. How was your day?”

“It's not my birthday yet, you goof.”

“I know, but I feel bad that I can't see you on the actual day so I'm going to be extra obnoxious about it tonight, okay?” he offers and you accept with a grin. On the other side of the partition, the car revs to life and begins to move. Namjoon entwines his fingers with yours, toying mindlessly at your various rings. “Did you finish recording the new song?”

“I did! I'm the only one done with vocals, actually. The producers were really happy with what I did so unless I'm needed for extra adlibs or backing vocals, I mostly have the next few days free.”

“I'm excited to hear it. That's a really good team of producers so I have no doubt that it'll be a hit.”

“I hope so,” you bounce slightly, the thought of performing the new track on stage overloading you with a mix of excitement and anxiety. “I knew the second I heard the demo that this should be the title track. I think it's my favorite song we've ever recorded.”

“Can I get a special preview?” Namjoon asks, leaning in with the most pathetic puppy-dog eyes you have ever seen.

You laugh, giving him a soft shove away from you. “No way. You have to wait with all of the other fans.”

“Even if I give you your present early?” he bargains, holding a small, white box up to his face. You pretend as if you're considering his deal, tapping your finger against the side of your mouth in contemplation. Thirty seconds of this pass before Namjoon groans. “Times up! Deal is off the table. Now you'll have to wait until after dinner for your present. I hope you're pleased with your decision.”

You laugh at his dramatics as the car comes to a stop in front of the restaurant. “However will I live with the regret for the next hour and a half?”

___________________________________

Two hours later, after plates of steak, crème brulee and many glasses of wine, Namjoon slides the white box to your side of the table. Opening the top, you're startled when you see the logo for the luxury brand on the front. Eyes wide, you glance up to your boyfriend in shock. “What did you do?”

He shrugs as if he didn't just potentially drop thousands of dollars on you. “Happy Birthday, Sweets.”

With the most delicate touch you never knew you were capable of, you slide the velvet cover off of the top. The gasp is automatic when you see the necklace that is nestled in satin. A black amulet adorned with a large gold moon and several smaller, silver stars sits on a rose gold chain. It's beautiful – easily the prettiest piece of jewelry you've ever laid eyes on. But more importantly, it's you. Somehow this small trinket encompasses your style, your personality, your tastes – you. And Namjoon …

“Did you design this?” you ask in awe, blinking dumbfounded to the man in front of you. He grins sheepishly, his cheeks tinting red before giving a curt nod.

“Is it okay? I tried to do something that I knew you-”

Before he can finish his sentence, you're already on your feet and crossing the table, wrapping your arms around his neck. The move takes him off guard and he wobbles in his chair, gripping you around the waist to keep you from tumbling. He's surprised to see your eyes full of moisture when he pulls you back to look at him. “Hey, hey. What is this? Why are you crying? Do you not like it? I can get you something else!”

“No, you dummy,” you cry, punching him weakly in the chest. “I love it so much but I don't deserve it. Why did you do this?”

You're pulled onto his lap where you bury your face into his neck, the familiar scent of his cologne soothing your sudden mood swing. “What do you mean you don't deserve it? Y/N, you've been my best friend and best support system for almost nine years. We've gone through so much together and I would literally give you anything in the world. You deserve that and more. I love you, Sweets.”

You sniffle, his words wrapping around you like the coziest blanket. “But my group isn't popular like yours. I can't spend this kind of money .. I can't … I can't give you these kinds of-”

He effectively shuts you up with a searing kiss. When he pulls away a few seconds later, whatever words you had were gone. “I don't need you to buy me anything, okay? I just need you.”

The skin of your cheeks start to burn and you know that your cheeks are probably fifteen shades of red at the moment. Namjoon is the king of making cheesy, romantic comments but you wouldn't have it any other way.

___________________________________

“Do you really have to go?” you whine, pulling on his arm with a death grip. “You can come back to my dorm and stay the night – Ji-na is away filming Law of the Jungle so I have the room to myself.”

Namjoon groans, dropping his head onto your shoulder. “C'mon, Sweets. Don't tempt me like that. I have a four o'clock wake-up and there's no way I'd get any sleep if I stayed with you.”

You sigh, heavy and dramatic, your grip on his arm tightening as you lean closer. “I guess you're right. Well then, something to tide me over until next time?”

You're not sure where the abrupt confidence comes from, but you're suddenly swinging a leg over his lap and vigorously diving into his lips like a vampire frenzied for blood. He inhales sharply against your mouth and you take advantage of his parted lips to slide your tongue against languidly against his. You feel the vibration of his deep moans from his chest and the hardness of something else from his lap, both of which are pressed so deliciously close against you. Namjoon has to forcibly tear himself away from your mouth, breathing ragged and heavy with swollen lips. You grin at your handiwork.

“You,” he mumbles, gasping for breath as he adjusts himself in his pants. You giggle at the sight. “You are trouble and I will pay you back for this with interest.”

He says it as a threat but you both know it's a promise of the very, very nice things that he'll do to your body the next time you both have a night off. You're already mentally counting down the days. Pulling his face mask up over his chin and making sure his hood is fully concealing his upper half, he opens the door, taking a few long glances around before stepping out. He's almost completely out of the vehicle before he remembers something and leans in again. You crawl across the seat to meet him halfway.

“We'll find time this week for you to stop by, okay? I know Yoongi and some of the other boys have gifts for you. Although,” he pauses, smirking proudly when he catches a glint of the amulet dangling from your neck, “I feel sorry for them. Their presents won't get the same reaction as mine did.”

Your hand instinctively reaches for the pendant, thumb rubbing fondly against the gold. You roll your eyes at his cockiness. “You don't know that. What if Yoongi gets me a pony?”

“Wait – did you really want a pony?”

You laugh loudly, craning your neck upward to chastely kiss his lips before shoving him out. “Go. Rest. Kick ass at the photoshoot tomorrow, okay? I love you.”

“Love you too, Sweets. Text me when you get home.”

You're given one more sweet smile before he closes the door, tucking his chin to chest and spinning around to hurriedly jump into a different car that sits behind yours. Leaning back against the seat, you pull on the pendant again, sighing happily as you already begin to miss the man who gifted it to you. As the car pulls away, neither you, Namjoon or either of your drivers spot the large camera peeking over the top of a fence nearby.

Behind the camera, a man grins.

____________________________________

“Happy Birthday!” a chorus of chaotic voices ring out as you step into the kitchen a few days later. Your group mates surround the dining room table, a large cake in the middle lit with exactly 24 candles.

“Cake at nine o'clock in the morning?” you ask sarcastically, receiving six set of eyeballs rolling in return. Namjoon doesn't call you Sweets for nothing. You're the queen of all things sugar. You make your way around the room, wrapping each of the girls in a warm hug of thanks. There's a feeling of contentedness as you approach each girl. You trained with Big Hit for three years before the scandal with Glam saw the removal of every female trainee. Although they transferred you to another entertainment company, you couldn't help but feel as if you were losing everything. You had cried so much after you first practice at Hot Star Entertainment. You cried for all of the hard work you lost; you learned so much and established yourself with so many of Big Hit's trainers. You cried because you already missed Namjoon; the two of you had been pretty much inseparable since the day you were introduced as fellow trainees. You cried for the girls you trained with; they were your closest friends and you had all drawn up so many scenarios in your heads about debuting together. But in this room, surrounded the remaining six members of FRNZEE, you can't help but feel like you hit the jackpot.

“Make a wish and blow out the candles!”

Hovering over the cake, the heat of the candles warms your cheeks. You close your eyes, pulling from your gut everything you currently wished for. Only one thing stands out and you wish for it with everything in you. I wish to keep being this happy. You exhale and prepare to blow the candles, when a door suddenly slams open. The noises startles you, your eyes popping open, seeing a very frantic manager standing in the doorway. Staring directly at you.

_________________________________

BREAKING: FRNZEE's Y/N & BTS' RM Reportedly Dating

FRNZEE's Y/N and BTS' RM are reportedly dating! Dispatch has acquired several exclusive photos that show a man rumored to be BTS leader RM, exiting a car that was shared with FRNZEE's Y/N. Several of the photos show the man kissing and laughing Y/N before getting into a different car. Y/N and RM trained together at Big Hit for three years before all female trainees were removed due to ex-Big Hit girl group Glam's scandal. It's reported that the two have remained close and have been dating for years.

Big Hit Entertainment and Hot Star Entertainment have not yet released official statements confirming or denying the news. Look out for more updates soon!

Numb. That's all you feel. Your eyes frantically scan the words over and over again, hoping that if you looked enough times, they'd just disappear. How did this happen? The two of you were so careful. You're always so careful. You've been having secret dates and meetings for nine years without any incidents. Namjoon. How is he? Is he angry? Is he worried? Is he upset with you? He always spoke of someday announcing your relationship to the world; when BTS' fame fizzles a bit and they wouldn't be so impacted by the relationship status of one of the members. As it stands now, so many of their fans would abandon him for having a girlfriend. It's a hardship you learn to cope with when you're an idol. Like it or not … your life is not completely your own. That's why you're so careful. That's why every meeting is planned so cautiously, the details of location, driver, car, times and so much more are combed through with the keenest eye to ensure all privacy is secured.

Your phone vibrates on your lap. Without looking at the screen, you swipe the green bar and raise the device to your ear. “Y/N! Did you see the article?”

At the sound of Namjoon's panicked voice, your tears are instantaneous.  

“Namjoon, I'm so sorry,” you sob. Pulling your knees to your chest, you hide your face in the denim of your jeans. Hands rub soothing circles over your shoulders, your head, your back. Your members are just as stunned as you are. “I don't know how this happened. I'm so, so sorry.”

“Sweets, no,” Namjoon mumbles with a heavy sigh. On the other end, there's chatter in the background and you know he's probably in a similar situation as you. “It's my fault. I didn't look closely enough when I got out of the car and I definitely shouldn't have opened the door again to talk to you. They've got a clear picture of your face. Nobody can deny that it's you.”

“I know. I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you. Is Big Hit upset? Will you be in a lot of trouble?”

“Big Hit has known that we're dating for years. They just expected us to be a lot more careful so they're disappointed. At this point, I'm not sure what's going to happen.”

“What are we gonna do?” you whisper. Namjoon's chest throbs at the sound of your voice, quiet and defeated.

“We're going to get through this, okay? This is today's news but tomorrow there will be a bigger scandal and people will forget all about us. Please don't stress about this, okay? You've got your comeback to focus on. Make sure to rest.”

“I will,” you promise. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Sweets. I have to go now but I'll call you later when I hear from the company,” he tells you. The chatter from the background picks up and he sighs heavily. “And Sweets? Happy Birthday.”

You're still feeling numb when you hang up the phone. Ji-na wraps an arm around your shoulder, her concerned eyes meeting yours. “What did he say? Is he angry?'

You shake your head. Despite the current hurricane swirling over your head, you muster a small smile. “He's the best. He's just worried about me.”

Ji-na taps your hands lovingly. “Does Namjoon have a brother? Maybe one that's single?”

The two of you burst into giggles. You melt into Ji-na's side, soaking up the comfort in her sisterly embrace and cheesy jokes. You were one year older but between the two of you, she has always felt like the unnie. When you're sick, she makes you porridge. When you're sad, she buys you candy. When you're struggling with a particular dance move, she spends extra time in the studio going over the choreography with you so that you're not doing it alone. You would get through this with her and Namjoon by your side. You didn't have any doubts.

___________________________________

“Y/N.”

Head snapping up at the sound of your manager's voice, you see him standing in the doorway, phone outstretched to you. “They already submitted a statement.”

Ji-na glances between the two of you, confusion marring her features. “The article was only released an hour ago, though. How can they submit a statement that quickly?”

You nod in agreement. “And they didn't even speak with me about this. I know they're aware of my relationship with Namjoon but how can they comment on this without asking me?”

Your manager stays silent, pushing the phone into your hand. You frown at him for a few seconds longer, hoping his face will give you some kind of warning as to what you're about to read. You give up and look down at the illuminated text.

Your heart drops to your feet.

BREAKING: Hot Star Entertainment confirms relationship between FRNZEE's Y/N & BTS' RM!

“They really confirmed it,” you mumble to yourself in awe. Is this really happening? You knew that this would go one of two ways – either they'd confirm or deny. Those were the only two options. Either your relationship with Namjoon would go public or you'd keep planning secret dates.

“If you think about it,” Ji-na interrupts your self-ramblings softly, “they didn't really have a choice. There is photographic evidence of you kissing him. They could deny that it was Namjoon but what good would that do? Every netizen in the world would be on your ass trying to crack the case on who was in the car with you. It's less messy to just come clean.”

You nod in agreement. Of course, she's right. You'd never have a peaceful comeback with a photo of you kissing a mystery man floating around. You'd be hounded on every interview and variety program you appear on. And … would going public with Namjoon really be that bad? You're prepared to lose some fans and you're sure he is as well. But no more planning dates months ahead of time, no more sneaking around as if you're criminals running from the law, no more wearing hideous dark hoodies and baggy clothes on dates.

It sounds amazing, actually.

You've just given your manager's phone back when one of your fellow members runs into the room. She skids to a halt when she sees you, taking a moment to compose herself in the doorway before stepping calmly into the room. Her eyes move from you, to her phone, to you, to her phone.

“What's going on?” you ask hesitantly. Her throat dips with a large gulp and the hair on your arm instantly rises. She's nervous. Why is she nervous?

“Big Hit released their statement too,” she squeaks, handing the phone to your manager. Your breath hitches in fear when your manager's face drop with shock. Ji-na snatches the device away from him, her eyes glancing over the article quickly before settling her gaze on you.

“Y/N ...” she trails off.

“What is it? What's wrong? Was he kicked out of the group? You guys are scaring me,” you snap. When nobody hands you the phone, you kick yourself off of the wall and fumble to your feet, quickly grabbing the phone from Ji-na before she can move it out of your path. You don't even have to fully read the headline before you're falling to your knees again.

BREAKING: Big Hit Entertainment denies relationship between FRNZEE's Y/N & BTS' RM after Hot Star Entertainment confirms it!

Minutes after Hot Star Entertainment released a statement confirming the relationship between the two idols, Big Hit Entertainment has released their own statement denying everything. “RM and Y/N have been friends since they were trainees at Big Hit and remain close but are not involved in a romantic relationship. RM denies being the man in the photograph.”

Hot Star has yet to comment on this news. Stay tuned for more updates!

He denied it? He denied you?

“Y/N, don't jump to conclusions. Big Hit probably released this statement on their own just like our company did. He wouldn't do that to you.”

“The comments are so brutal. Oh my god.”

“That's the director calling me. I'll be right back.”

“Y/N, are you okay? Do you want me to call Namjoon for you?”

“Y/N?”

“She doesn't look so good. Ji-na, go get a glass of water and a wash rag!”

And then everything goes black.

READ NEXT CHAPTER --->

[toddsfall]

Can we keep up with the ruse?

Written for day one of Nurseydex week: getting together/mutual pining

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11517474

5 times Nursey and Dex do not talk about it + 1 time they do

He let it all wash over him. Nursey felt ready for his second year at Samwell, feeling like he belonged among these people. During the summer, he had travelled to Mexico to visit relatives with his mom, it had been inspiring and emotional for both of them. It had been nice to feel like there was a place for him there too. He had a few good stories in his back pocket to re-enact for the guys.

However right now, he was happy to just sit there in the kitchen talking to Bitty and his mom about their summer. Stories about their baking adventures flew through the air. They spun them together, the words almost overlapping. Nursey could imagine the stories like the lattice of one of Bitty’s beautiful pies. He guessed that they produced some stunners when they baked together. Their love for each other felt so similar to the love he felt for his mom that his thoughts turned whistful for a minute.

He was pulled out of his revery when Dex walked in. Summer looked good on him. Nursey hadn’t been looking last year, focused on himself and trying to fit into a new team. But now he definitely noticed how the sun had made Dex’s freckles stand out more. He looked taller somehow. More confident. More muscular too, he noticed when he looked at his arms. 

They didn’t leap into each other’s arms. That wasn’t them. But Nursey offered up his fist to bump and after a moment Dex completed the gesture. Their eyes lingered for a second, before Dex started greeting the rest of the guys gathered too. Nursey didn’t think much of it at the time. Dex looked good, so did a lot of his teammates. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He tuned back into the conversation with Bitty. And if he noticed that evening, that when he chanced some glances at Dex again, Dex was staring right back, he didn’t mention it.

///

Winter screw was a tame affair, Rans and Holster had set everyone up with dates through an elaborate matching system only they knew how to work. Nursey was frankly scared to ask, for fear of being roped into their obsessive shenanigans.

Before the dance, they had all gotten dressed in the Haus. There’d been some chirping over wardrobe choices, but ultimately everyone’s looks had turned out nicely. While browsing the outfits of his dapper teammates, Nursey’s eyes had lingered a little longer on Dex than anyone else. Somehow the fucker managed to look stunning in a suit that didn’t even fit him that well. When Nursey caught himself thinking that the way Dex’s jacket had to be rolled up his arms a bit, looked adorable; he knew he was screwed. 

He didn’t give it much thought, he had his date to focus on. Nursey’s date, Laura, had been fun to talk to. They danced until they were too sweaty to move. But ultimately he couldn’t see it leading anywhere. He tried not to think that there might be someone else he was holding out for. He knew it wasn’t fair to Laura to drag it on if he wasn’t completely invested. After the dance he had dropped her off at her dorm, hugging her goodnight.He told he had a lovely time and he’d like to be friends.

At team lunch the next day, he dutifully reported back to Holster. He seemed a tad disappointed that he hadn’t been able to “match up your beautiful face with an equally deserving face, bro” but ultimately seemed pleased that he’d had a good time.

Ransom had winked and said, “Don’t worry bro. I have some swasome prospects lined up for you.”

Nursey didn’t want to insult his captains too much. He answered “That’s really nice of you Rans, but I don’t know if I want that right now.”

“Oh, you just want to enjoy the single life right now? No worries bro!”

“Yeah Nurse, we’ll offer our services to help you pull at the next kegster. Only the best for our little frog.” Holster added.

Nursey suddenly felt like that would be even worse, he really appreciated his captains’ enthousiasm. At least  he did about 80% of the time. But right now he didn’t seem to have the energy to even think about seducing someone.

“I.. uh.. might like someone actually.” He resisted the urge to flick his eyes across the table. He was not some lovestruck maiden, pining from afar.

“Ooohh. Do we know her?” Something must have showed on his face then because Ransom quickly added. “Or him? You know we’re fine with whatever, bro.”

“Thanks guys. That’s good to hear.” He smiled at them encouragingly. They meant well.

“Of course bro, we got your back. Always.” The fact that they said this almost in unison was equal parts creepy and reassuring.

Nursey held out his fist to bump against theirs and dug back into his meal. Then Wicks knocked over his water and everyone immediately started chirping him for it. Nobody brought up Nursey or potential crushes again, for which he was grateful. Although he did notice Ransom looking at him intently from across the table, with a look in his eyes that said he was storing away some of this information for later.

///

They were all lying on the gross couch in the Haus. It was still too cold out to hang out at the lake, so they had to make do. Nursey was spread out over Dex and Chowder’s legs. He looked liquid in a puddle of blankets. Dex closed his laptop with a satisfied sigh, having finished earlier than expected with his homework. He smiled, looking down at his friend. Ever beautiful, but especially now when he looked this relaxed. Chowder’s head was on his shoulders. He eyes were closed as he listened to music. They both looked so peaceful. Now was as good a time as any.

Dex cleared his throat. “Hey Nurse, it’s your birthday next week right?” When Nursey hummed to confirm, he continued. “You have any plans yet?”

Nursey sat up straighter to look at him. “Not really dude, why?”

“Oh, I was thinking maybe we could hang out?” He turned to look at Chowder, who by now had opened his eyes.

Chowder frowned. “Oh, sorry Nursey I already made plans with Cait. I could ask her if she could reschedule?” His frown deepened.

Nursey squeezed his leg. “Chill C, it’s freezing outside. Your face might stay stuck like that.” Chowder stuck his tongue out at him. Nursey laughed. “Haha, no really. It’s chill. It’s Valentine’s day. Don’t let me keep you away from your girl.” He bumped his fist against Chowder’s. “We’ll celebrate later, yeah?”

Chowder nodded enthusiastically. “Of course!" 

Dex smiled to himself. He just loved that feeling of knowing his best friends were also best friends. He cleared his throat again. Frowned. He was starting to sound like he had a throat infection or something. "So, uhm, are we going to hang then?”

Nursey raised his eyebrows. “Oh. Yeah, sure bro. We could watch a movie. I could finally get some culture in you. And you won’t be able to say anything because it’s my birthday.” He smirked at Dex.

Dex resisted the urge to throw a pillow at him. He resorted to just glare at him. “Yeah, let’s! Derek.”

“Great! William.” More eyebrow raising and smirking.

“Yes. Great. It’s a date.” Dex gave into the urge to throw a pillow at him. They wrestled meekly on the couch for a minute and that was that. 

Over the course of the next week Dex started fretting. Nursey had reacted so chill to his proposal. Did he even know it was a date? Maybe he hadn’t been clear enough. He had kind of been counting on Chowder already having plans on Valentine’s day. He did call it a date though. Ugh, if only he could read Nursey’s chill exterior better. He’d probably have better chances romancing a stone in the lake. 

Eventually he was fed up with fretting. He decided to text Nursey. 

me : hey nurse, we still on for next week? Or have you made other plans? It’s okay if you have, just let me know :)

He frowned at his phone. No, that wouldn’t do. He tried again.

me : Hi! Have you remembered the plans we made last week? Don’t forget to pick out some movies for my uncultured ass ;) looking forward to it!

He sighed. That was even worse. Did he suddenly forget to text? This was Nursey he was texting. Someone he’d texted dozens of times before. Maybe that just made it worse. How was het supposed to signal that this text was different without seeming too obvious? He took a deep breath, trying again. 

me : yo nurse! Don’t forget we have a date on Wednesday, I’ll bring popcorn and as promised you can pick the movie :) 

He sent it before he could change his mind again. God, was it this hard for everyone? He jumped when his phone buzzed. 

Nursey : I haven’t Dexy, dw ;) I’ll have some sweet movies picked out for ya on wed syt 

Dex sighed. Guess this was as much confirmation as he was going to get. 

On the night of Nursey’s birthday, they cuddled up on Nursey’s bed. He had the softest and the coziest blankets so it seemed logical to do this in his room. Dex kind of wished he had invited Nursey to his own room, though, maybe he’d feel less nervous on home turf. 

During the movie, Dex tried to dissect every cue that Nursey emitted. Did he always lean his head so casually on Dex’s shoulder? Did his hands always feel so warm when they brushed Dex’s? Did he always look so radiant in the light of Dex’s laptop?

They stayed talking for a good couple of hours after, chirping each other’s taste in movies. It was nice though, they even found some middle ground with, of all things, Sandra Bullock movies. 

“I don’t know why either! She’s just so,” Nursey gestured broadly into the air “you know?”

Dex laughed, eyes crinkling. “Yes! I know!”

They fell into a comfortable silence, munching on some of the snacks that were left over from the stash Dex brought.

“Hey Nurse?”

“Hmm?” Nursey hummed, eyes half-lidded with sleep.

“This was nice right? You had a good time?” Dex knew his anxiety was probably apparent in the way his voice went higher.

Nursey’s eyes slipped close completely. “Yes, this was nice Dex. Thanks for a good birthday. This was nice of you. Maybe we should do movie nights.”

Dex couldn’t stop his heart from leaping if he tried. “You want to make this a regular thing?”

“Yeah man, if you want.” Nursey opened his eyes again. “How else am I supposed to refine your tastes? Oh, maybe Chowder would want to join too. I bet he’d have some interesting picks too. Best friend movie dates.” Nursey chuckled. “I bet C will make t-shirts.”

Dex closed his eyes for a second. Just for a second he felt dramatic enough that he might not open them again. So that was it. Nursey wanted friend dates. That was fine. It would have to be fine. The only thing that would be worse is if he managed to lose Nursey completely by messing up their friendship. 

He cleared his throat. “Haha yeah, frog  movie nights. Awesome.”

After, he didn’t bring it up with anyone. He didn’t want to raise suspicion. He did text Chowder the next week though.

me : you and cait are lucky bro

Chowder : I know :) what brought this on?

me : just thinking :) love can be hard, yknow

Chowder : yeah :( if you ever need to talk I’m here

me : thanks chow, but like I said just thinking :) don’t worry

Chowder : ur my best friend, I always worry

me : that’s sweet C. thanks for worrying 

Chowder : got your back!

///

“Ooppff! There that’s the last one.” Dex dropped his bag filled with clothes on the bed. He wanted to drop right along it but he also didn’t want to have to wash his sheets the first day he got here just because he couldn’t wait until he showered before getting his sweaty body all over his sheets. 

“I feel like if someone dumped feathers over me right now, they would all stick to me.”

“Why would someone even do that?” Dex turned around to look at Nursey. He was poking at his stomach, presumably to check its levels of stickiness. 

“Always gotta be prepared for Lax bro attacks, bro. Once you drop your guard, that’s how they get you." 

He looked so serious that Dex couldn’t help but laugh. "Don’t worry Nurse, got your back." 

Nursey looked at him sideways, smiling. It made his eyes crinkle. "Thanks Dexy, I’m going to take a shower though. You know, just in case the Lax bros manage to overtake you.”

Nursey took his stuff, winking at Dex before sneaking off towards the bathroom. He looked like a Pink Panther-esque spy, plastering himself to the wall and looking over his shoulder before booking it to the shower.

Dex’s heart ached at the sight of his best friend’s silly antics. He was glad he got him like this. He hadn’t ruined them, that’s what was important. Still, sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder what if.

After Nursey’s birthday last year he’d let himself pine for a while. But then Chowder had started asking questions, worried about him. He had known he couldn’t keep it up. At first, he’d tried to distract himself by diving into any and all work he could get his hands on. Ultimately, that hadn’t worked either. He had had to resort to extreme measures: Ransom and Holster’s dating algorithm. Delicately calibrated dating system. Whatever. 

He had found himself dating Cindy exactly 3 weeks before he had to tell her. “I’m sorry. I’m getting over someone else and I don’t want to string you along.”

She hadn’t seemed angry, though with her it was hard to tell sometimes. She had set her hand on his shoulder and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Their loss. Thanks for being honest, ‘preciate it. Later, Will.” Cindy was a woman of very little words. Dex had liked that about her, she was too good for him anyway. He was sorry if he hurt her. He figured they were sorta okay though because a week into summer holidays she had texted him a picture of her dog she had missed so much during the semester. He had answered with a picture of his mom’s cats. 

Cindy hadn’t been the one, but she had made him realize something important. Maybe there were other people he could be interested in over time. She was one of the main reasons why his freakout after the dibflip had been only slightly overdramatic.

The other main reason, of course, was Lardo. She had let him freak out for exactly two hours before she had sat down on the floor beside him. She’d nudged his shoulder with her own. When he didn’t respond, she’d nudged him a little harder.

“Dude. You’re freaking me out a little here. You need me to call someone?”

That had finally snapped him out of it. He didn’t need people worrying over him. He was fine, really. “No, thanks Lards. I’m fine. Just a bit stressed.”

“Seems like you’re a little more than stressed.”

She had paused, he could tell she was trying to coax him into revealing more. He had shaken his head. “No really. I’m fine.” He managed a smile. “I just, kinda hoped. You know. That I’d get dibs after working my butt off.”

She had nudged him again. “Nursey deserved them too. You both got this room fair and square.”

He swallowed. “Yeah, I know.”

Sighing, she had said. “ Well dude if you’re fine than you should go talk to your new roommate. He was acting chill but we both know he’s probably just as freaked as you are. You two aren’t exactly known for your cooperation skills.”

Dex had nodded. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him. Promise.”

She had pursed her lips, probably wanting to ask more but not wanting to dive into all his shit either. “Okay. You do that. Now get out of my room. It’s not yours yet.”

Dex sighed. He played with his phone while Nursey was still in the shower. Lardo had texted him an hour ago, but he hasn’t answered yet.

Lardo : take good care of my room boys, I know where to find you

Lardo : have u talked yet

Dex knew it was kind of rude to ignore her, but he knew his answer probably wouldn’t satisfy her.

me : we will lards no worries

me : and sort of. we texted a bunch this summer. we’re cool

Lardo : aight.

Dex winced. Oh good, now he’d angered Lardo. Oh well, he’d make it up to her by talking Nursey into setting up some ground rules today. 

He played games in his phone until Nursey returned, to keep himself from thinking too much about how sharing a room this year would affect them. 

///

Nursey tugged at the collar of his suit. The party was boring as hell. He felt like the people in it were sucking out all the air with all the meaningless smalltalk they were making. If he didn’t know how much his mom also hated these parties, he’d be more mad at her for dragging him along to this. But she needed her job, so this is were they were spending New Year’s. It was kind of sweet that she’d wanted him here with her to ring in the new year. 

But now of course, he’d lost her to the sea of bland looking boring people. He felt like they were trying to swallow him whole. He decided to go outside for a little air. He’d look for her again later on. 

Once outside, he felt like an individual again. He checked his phone. He had several texts, but his eyes skipped to one in particular. They tended to do that.

Dexmeister : damn I’m bored :p how’s your thing going, is it as boring as you thought it’d be?

Me, myself and I : yeah lol. I just went outside to get some air. These boring ass people are hashtag killing me

Dexmeister : omg. Don’t die nurse. C would cry so much.

Me, myself and I : :o ur right. You wouldn’t care?

Dexmeister : duh, I’d have to comfort Chow. I’m not strong enough for that.

Me, myself and I : yeah ur right, hashtag weak

Dexmeister : -_- 

Dexmeister : so, your night is not going well then?

Nursey paused for a second. Then, fuck it. People felt candid on New Year’s. That was a thing right?

Me, myself and I : mhmm, better now though. Miss you

Dex took a full minute to answer, enough for Nursey to regret his honesty. 

Dexmeister ::( sucks, but the night’s still young. who knows, things might look up

Dexmeister : miss you too tho

Nursey smiled, his treacherous heart beating harder at Dex’s words.

Me, myself and I : yeah, who knows

Me, myself and I : a knight might ride into this party and put me on his white horse to elope

Nursey didn’t mention that he imagined Dex on that horse. One, because it was ridiculous. Second, because he didn’t want to make his friend uncomfortable. 

Dexmeister : only you would think of that

Dexmeister : imagine the horror on everyone’s faces though

Me, myself and I : loool, it might kill some of them. or liven up the party

Dexmeister : we must all make sacrifices for the party

Me, myself and I : R&He would be so proud

Dexmeister : I expect them to call any minute 

Dexmeister : I have to head back to the party soon, or my mom will worry that I’m not liking her food.

Huh, so Dex had left his party to talk to him, Nursey thought.

Me, myself and I : no worries bro, say hi to ur family from me

Dexmeister : will do, hug your mom from me

Dexmeister : hope your white knight comes, and if all else fails you can just text me :p

Nursey knew Dex couldn’t read his mind through his phone, but he still sensed that Dex might somehow have guessed who his white knight was. Before he could stop himself he sent another text.

Me, myself and I : thanks dexy, knew I could count on you

Me, myself and I : miss you, talk soon

Nursey put his phone away after that and went inside to find his mom. She was probably looking for him by now. 

///

Dex had tried to avoid the subject this year. He did not want a repeat of last year. But how could he refuse when Nursey had asked him directly? He hadn’t been able to deny Nursey things he asked for, for a while now. So when Nursey had asked him to watch another movie with him on his birthday, of course he’d agreed. Even though it probably wasn’t a good idea.

When he arrived in the bedroom, Nursey was putting pillows everyone while running around their room. Or at least what was left of it. Nursey had managed to build a giant blanketfort right there in their room. When he heard Dex enter, he turned around grinning.

“What’s all this Nursey? I thought the birthday boy was supposed to let other people prepare the surprises?” Dex looked around the room in awe. 

“What do you think? Do you like it?” Nursey looked at him under his lashes. His hands were wringing the live out of one of the pillows.

Dex realized Nursey was nervous. He was quick to reassure him. “Of course I like it. It looks awesome.” He tapped his hand on one of the blanket walls. “Solid structure too.”

Nursey grinned at him. “Oh good, I’m glad. I figured we could up the anty a bit this year. Think we’re up to it?

Dex held his gaze longer than necessary. "The two of us? I think we’re up to anything.”

Nursey smirked. “Oh my god. Come here you dork. I swear sometimes you’re as bad as Holster and Ransom were with the d-men stuff.” Nursey pulled him down, messing his hair up.

Dex let him, grinning up at him. “Alright, alright. What do you have in store for me?”

“Oh, you’re in for a treat Dexy. I brought one of my favorite artsy movies for you. It’s in black and white.” When Dex pulled a face at him, he burst out laughing. “Just kidding. We’re watching Miss Congeniality tonight.”

Dex blew out a breath. “Oh, thank god.”

They finally settled in after that. The movie only played five minutes before Nursey’s head was on Dex’s shoulder. Dex looked down at him. How soft he looked. How beautiful in the dimmed light coming through the blankets.

Before he even knew what was happening, Dex leaned down to kiss Nursey full on the mouth. He missed a bit, ending up west of Nursey’s mouth. It didn’t matter though because Nursey was sitting up so he could kiss him right back. Nursey wound his arms around Dex’s neck. Dex tasted popcorn on his lips. He wanted to lick it off. So he did. Nursey moaned softly and opened his mouth to him. Dex felt all too eager to deepen the kiss. He licked into Nursey’s mouth. After a while, he pulled back slightly sucking at Nursey’s lip. 

Dex pulled back further to look Nursey in the eye. He felt pulled apart. Like taffy, stretched out completely. Like the only thing holding him together were Nursey’s strong hands on his shoulders. Nursey looked disheveled, but he he was smiling widely at Dex. So wide that it looked like it should hurt. Nursey started to lean in again but Dex gently stopped him by putting a hand over his heart.

Dex licked his lips. He saw Nursey’s eye zero in on the movement. Oh god, he had to concentrate or he wouldn’t be able to get this out. “Nursey, what are we doing?”

Nursey smiled gently at him, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. “I believe you were giving me a birthday kiss before you rudely stopped it.”

Dex felt a smile tug at his lips. But he wouldn’t be deterred. He needed to know. “Nursey.” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Nursey. Please. What are we doing?”

Tipping forward to brush his nose over Dex’s, Nursey whispered “What do you want, Will. Tell me.”

“I.. I want everything with you.”

Nursey’s answering smile was almost blinding. “I like you so much. You don’t even know. You and me, let’s do this yeah? We can…”

Nursey looked like he wanted to say a lot more but Dex had heard enough. He’d hear it all later. He kissed Nursey again, not holding back this time.