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tyrian-stuck · 3 years ago

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Drabble for Fuchsia tavros please?

The seige upon the Earth had gone on for seven months. The actual war with humanity lasted only seven days. If Jade's estimates were correct, the complete annihilation of the human race would take only seven more weeks.

The invaders, trolls as they were called, were like an invasive species. A problem far outside of Earth's context, that nothing in mankind's history could have prepared it for. Grandpa always told her it was a hunter's duty to wipe out any such species, there would be no game to hunt if the ecosystem was destroyed.

While Jade certainly couldn't do that in this case, she could preserve what little was left. Trolls may have been an outside context problem to humanity, but the invaders were just as unprepared to contend with her best friend.

Jade appeared back in the garden in a flash of green light, Becquerel by her side. Her trusty rifle and a back pack hung from her shoulder straps. "Okay, everyone, I'm back!" She said cheerfully as people gathered around, casually putting out a small fire in her hair without even looking. "That's going to be the last trip I can make to America for, uh, awhile... Long story. Okay! We've got food, medicine, clothing..."

She continued through the list as she handed out supplies to pass around, having mostly memorized by now who needs what. Judging by the feeling of Bec's tail suddenly beating against her leg, Jade assumed Dave flash stepped over and started petting him.

"Hey." He said once Jade was finished, acting like he was just there by coincidence. Jade did a pretend huff like she knew what he was gonna ask.

"No, Dave, I didn't find any sick shades for you." Dave gave a faux scoff like he was offended by the implication. His eyebrows crept over the square glasses he'd painted black to look like shades. His cracked on a supply run yesterday and so Dave had pestered John for one of his spares.

"Well, damn Harley, someone has to worry about their style around here. The people need a certifiable cool dude to look up to in hours of crisis. And how am I supposed to oblige them without some sick shades? I can't work under these conditions I swear." Jade rolled her eyes and playfully punched him in the arm.

"Yeah, yeah, you're the cooliest dude I know, dork." Dave gasped like he was horrifed, barely hiding the slight smirk under his "shades". He shouted over to Rose and John, who were leaning against a pillar not far away. "Guys, Jade went bananas and punched me."

"Jade, stop bullying Dave. He's very sensitive around women. He probably has a complex about it." Rose shouted back, not even looking up from her book. John snickered beside her as Dave led Jade over. Jade parented to be exasperated by it all, rolling her eyes before breaking down into giggling.

*Alright, alright guys. What's up?" Dave's stance changed a bit. In fact, the whole air got a bit more rigid. Not serious, just concerned.

"So, where did you find the supplies?" Dave asked. Jade scartched her chin.

"Oh, uh... from that old breadstick place by Dave's apartment. There was a clinic nearby."

John nodded as he and Rose shared a concerned look. "Yeah, and the week before that, I did a supply run on that local Walmart." John said. "And Rose picked up some medicine from that old hospital in Wisconsin."

Jade bit her lip as her eyes flicked between the two. "Um, right. Why the recap?"

Rose looked over her shoulder, before leaning into whisper. She hated having to have discussions out in the open like this, but Jade's island was starting to get so crowded that few rooms were ever private for long. Aside from a few personal bedrooms, but those were a long ways away, and this was urgent. "We fear that their Emperor may be tracking us."

Jade's eyes widened. "Wait, the Emperor? Like, their leader, their ruler? That one? Aren't we kinda small potatoes for someone like him?"

Rose closed her book, an old coding book from her mother's lab. "We, or rather, my mother and I, have managed to hack into some surveillance drones and we've recovered the past month's worth of footage." She began laying out pictures on the ground between the four of them. "Every location we've raided was seen being investigated by imperial drones a few days before we were told their were suppiles there."

Jade gulped, a cold sweat breaking out acrossed her forehead. The gold trim, the pink plating. Those were the Emperor's personal drones. "Well, maybe our contact hacked into them? Maybe that's how he knew there were supplies in there."

The air grew colder, outright fridged now. The commotion of the people milling around them seemed miles away suddenly. Dave took off his shades to look Jade in the eye. "Jade... are you sure we can trust him?"

That one caught her off guard, her voice stalled in her throat before she could respond. "I...Yes! Yes, I'm sure we can."

Rose closed her book to make eye contact with Jade. "Hacking into drones used by the Emperor himself would be nigh impossible. Mother and I have tried. If he was truly on our side, don't you think he would've done more with that kind of influence?"

"He's been helping us for months! I..." Jade pulled on her hair, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. It was a good point, one she couldn't really argue with... but still... AT was her friend.

"I'll... I'll talk to him about it."

John leaned over and out an arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry about this..."

"Don't be... you're just being worried..."

"...Please, just be careful with him, alright."

Jade forced on a smile as she stood up. "I will, John. I always am."

Jade slammed the door to her bedroom shut, locking it tight. She let out a deep breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Finally. Her one safe space.

Ahe collapsed onto her bed and pulled out her phone, taking another deeo breath to figure out how she'd even approach this situation. What should she even say? How could you ask, "hey, my friends think you're a spy" without being suspicious? She didn't have long to muse on it before her Pesterchum lit up.

--adiosToreadore [AT] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]--

AT: hI, jADE, dID YOU GET THOSE SUPPLIES,

AT: tHEY WERE SLIM PICKINGS COMPARED TO LAST WEEK, sO SORRY ABOUT THAT,

AT: bUT WITH ANY LUCK YOU SHOULDN'T NEED TO HOLD OUT TO MUCH LONGER,

Taking one last deep, steadying breath, Jade responded.

GG: hey, tav! yeah, i got them, don't worry.

AT: gREAT, i SAW YOU ENTER THE BUILDING VIA SURVEILLANCE DRONE, bUT I NEVER SAW YOU LEAVE, sO I WASN'T SURE IF YOU WERE BACK YET,

GG: no worries! bec made sure I got back safely.

AT: hEH, yEAH, hE'S A GREAT LUSUS,

AT: oR, uH, pET I GUESS,

AT: oR KINDA BOTH,

AT: hUMAN FAMILIES ARE CONFUSING,

GG:...

AT: uH, i DON'T MEAN TO PRY, bUT ARE YOU OKAY,

AT: YOU'RE NOT AS CHATTY TODAY, aND IT'S PRETTY RARE FOR YOU TO JUST PUT DOWN DOTS AS A REPLY.

AT: yOU HAVEN'T EVEN USED THE :) EMOJI YET,

AT: nOT THAT YOU HAVE TOO.

AT: i'M JUST CONCERNED IS ALL.

GG: yeah i'm fine. it's just, well...

GG: do you think someone's tracking us?

AT: uH, wHY?

GG: well.... hmmmm....

GG: it's just...

GG: there was an imperial drone staking out our last supply drop. It looked... high ranking...

AT: ,,,,oH,

GG: ring any bells?

AT: ,,,

AT: yOU'RE, uH, rEALLY SMART JADE,

AT: i'M SURE YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT,

GG: i was hoping you could help me on that front.

AT: nO, sEE, tHAT'S THE PROBLEM, i CAN'T LET YOU,

GG: what?

--aquaticToreador [AT] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]--

AT: i'M SORRY, jADE,

GG: WHAT!?

Jade heard the sharp crackle of electricity outside her window. Pulling her rifle to her side, she rushed over to investigate.

Hordes of people were disappearing into thin air below her, crackling out of existence as the green thunder flooded the entire island. It was like they were all being vaporized. Or teleported.

"Bec...?" She whispered out in horror. Immediately, she ran for the door, but her dog was already there. The empty white expanse on Becquerel's face had been replaced with two pink lines, pseudo eyes that weren't his own. The First Guardian moved stiffly, almost tiredly, as he walked towards her, the green glow now illuminating the entire room.

"Bec, wait, don't!"

But her friend wasn't there to listen. Jade's word disappeared in a flash of green light. Then, darkness and silence.

When Jade came to, she almost thought she was back in her island, waking up from a bad dream. The bright blue sky, the sun beating down on her face, the nice shadow of a tree blocking most the heat. Any minute now, she expected Bec to trod over and lick her until she woke up completely, but he never did. She sat up with a yawn and a stretch, adjusting her glasses that she'd foolishly fallen asleep in again. She really needed to get that sleeping problem fixed eventually. As her vision cleared, she quickly realized this was not her home.

There were people here. Confused people milling around in confusion in varying degrees of panic. It wasn't until her memory came back that Jade had the slightest clue as to why.

Bec!

She stood up with a jolt, glancing around rapidly. Where was that guy? "Bec? Bec!" She shouted, pushing through the branches and running through the trees. Even in her state of panic and confusion, she knew this place wasn't natural. Wildly different kinds of trees were planted together, with seemingly no thought out into where they grew naturally.

"Bec! Bec! Beeeeeeec!"

Jade ran through a bush and suddenly skid to a hault. She was met with a wall of clear glass, barely visible to her. She was lucky she didn't run right into it. Outside of it appeared to be a museum of some kind... or more accurately a zoo.

Held back behind more glass windows were massive biomes, rich and teaming with exotic combinations of life. Combinations that would be impossible on her or any world. Behind some, she saw other Earth animals, even other humans, trudging through winter snow or relaxing on beautiful beaches. Behind others, she saw lifeforms she could never even dream of before now.

It wasn't until her shocked expression trailed down that she matched gazes with a small, shy boy in a wheel chair. He looked to be about her age, even he was likely far older if she understood how trolls age correctly. His hair was styled in a small mop of a mohawk that only served to make his giant horns stand out all the more. Everything he wore, the pink symbol on his shirt, the tyrian linings on his jack, the tiara on his head, screamed royalty, but his demeanor was completely antithetical to that.

The boy looked almost embarrassed to be noticed like this, quietly whispering to the large guards at his side to leave. He stares back at her as they left, nervous and conflicted, before leaning forward from his wheelchair and pressing a button beneath the window.

A speaker somewhere crackled to life. "Uh... hello Jade."

Jade raised an eyebrow as she crouched down to his eye level. "Um, hi? ...Where am I? How do you know me?"

The boy smiled, sharp teeth contrasting his timid demeanor. "I'm Tavros! It's good to meet you!"

Jade's eyes furrowed, the diplomatic smile she'd put up suddenly gone. "What. Did you do."

Sensing the sudden shift in tone, Tav put his hands up diplomatically. "Nothing! Well, uh, nothing that would hurt you anyways..."

"Where's Bec! Where are my friends!!"

Jade slammed her fist against the glass. Predictably, it didn't break, instead just panging loudly as she shook her fist in pain. "Please don't do that. It was designed to electrocute you if you risk actually cracking it."

"Well, what am I supposed to do, you locked me up! You took my dog and probably my friends too!"

Tavros sushed her as he made patting motions in her direction, almost looking like he about to start papping her through the glass. "I know this is scary and, uh, weird. But I have a good reason for this-"

"You'd better!"

"If! If, uh, you'd just let me explain. This all has a good reason behind it, I promise." He took a deep breath as he tugged on his jacket zipper, face fins reluctantly puffing back up again. "See, I'm not... imprisoning you... per say... I'm protecting you."

Tavros leaned forward again, as if about to deliver somber news. The break that made him need the wheelchair must not have happened in the spine if he had such good lumbar support. Or, at least, not in the upper areas of the spine? Jade didn't know, she wasn't an anatomy expert. "Let's... start from the top. I'm, uh, troll royalty I guess you could say?"

"You're the Emperor?"

"Oh, heh, no. I could never by the Emperor. I tried for the throne once and, uh...." He looked down at his legs and winced. "It didn't go well. No, see, any heir who fails to topple the Emperor gets turned into one of the grand admirals of his navy. He, uh, can't conquer the universe by himself I guess, heh."

Jade scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, excuse me. You're just vice galactic conquerer, not main galactic conquerer."

Again, Tavros winced. "Uh, no. No no no. See, uh, let's just get this straight real quick, because this is something that a lot of people don't grasp. You're not supposed to be here."

"Excuse me?"

Tavros scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "That.. sounds really bad, doesn't it? No, see, trolls were meant to be here. We were planned to exist. Be it by fate or Gl'bgolb or the Mirthful Messiahs..." He trailed off, spinning his hand. "It's like a whole thing. But our existence was planned while yours wasn't. You're, well, an invasive species."

Sensing Jade was clearly getting fed up with this story, Tavros again gestured to calm her down. "And that's not your fault! I realize... you didn't ask to exist. You're just, well, in the way." As he learned forward, he wiggled around in his seat, clearly excited. Jade was reminded vaguely of John when he was allowed to talk about Sassacre for any amount of time. Whatever he was about to say, he wasn't just passionate about it, he loved it.

"It's amazing what the world... does automatically. The ways life can grow anywhere if left alone, even on Alternia, uh... is special to me. The world just... creates beauty, with or without trolls. The universe creates special things, it makes wonderful people... it makes people like you."

Tavros Nitram wasn't malicious. That was the most disturbing thing about it. He wasn't malicious. He wasn't smug. He wasn't cruel or condescending, not in his own mind. This was a favor. This was him being nice. He wasn't betraying their friendship because this was there friendship to him. He was keeping her and her species alive the only way he knew how and saw nothing wrong with keeping the Earth's remnants in a box for him to gawk at as he did so.

Tavros Nitram conquered the Earth in seven months because he was being nice. If he wasn't, Jade and all her friends would be dead right now.

Taking her silent dawning horror to be approval, Tavros nodded cheerfully, grinning widely. "Uh, anyways, I'd better get going. Conquering a gakaxy is always a whole ordeal with paperwork and what not and I still have to figure out what to do with your lusus. We'll catch up next time!"

Jade sprung to her feet. "Tavros wait! Don't!" But it was too late. Tav had already turned off the speakers and turned away. "Where's Bec! Where are my friends!! Tavros!"

She could just barely hear him whistling happily to himself as he wheeled away.

#bloodswaps #tavros nitram #jade harley #john egbert #dave strider #rose lalonde #jadetav #tyrian tavros #fuschia tavros #drabble

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hope-for-olicity · 7 years ago

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Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - April 27th, 2018

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them.

Remarkable multi-chapter WIP by @tsukikomew - What if Oliver met Felicity during the pilot instead of episode 3? Oliver Queen is back and determined to save his city. While the Hood sets off to take down evil and crime, Oliver Queen finds himself drawn to her. As the Hood makes a name for himself, Oliver has to decide what he's willing to sacrifice to save his city. A complete retelling of Season 1, 1 chapter per episode. https://archiveofourown.org/works/7011949/chapters/15967018

I'll Be Better (post 6x19) by @dust2dust34 - Post-6x19. Oliver gets a taste of his own medicine. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11888871/chapters/33201207

(My Waking) Nightmare by @alexiablackbriar13 - Post 6x19. Felicity awakens from a nightmare about Oliver dying due to being hurt while alone in the field... to find her husband missing from their bed. Understandably, she panics. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14377521

Above All Else multi-chapter WIP by shesimperfect_butshetries - A different take on episode 6x14: Rene shoots but Oliver jumps in front of Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101470/chapters/32490537

Another Chance at Love multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - It’s been almost two years since Oliver lost his fiancée Detective McKenna Hall when she died in the line of duty. He closed his heart to love ever since, unable or unwilling to give love another chance. That changes when he meets Felicity Smoak at the annual gala of the Starling City Police Foundation. Is he ready to give love another chance, though? http://archiveofourown.org/works/13561101/chapters/31119801

A Dance With The Devil multi-chapter WIP by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A Season Five re-write http://archiveofourown.org/works/13792770/chapters/31707645

Olicity Fic Challenge 3: Pancakes by @spaztronautwriter - “You’re still here… and you’re making pancakes?” https://spaztronautwriter.tumblr.com/post/142778757233/olicity-fic-challenge-3-pancakes

No More Brownies (An Olicity AU) by @spaztronautwriter - Felicity contacts Oliver to make her pancakes after a drunken night including a brownie https://spaztronautwriter.tumblr.com/post/143197790313/no-more-brownies-an-olicity-au

Bottomless Breadsticks (An Olicity AU) by @spaztronautwriter - Oliver calls Felicity after his date steals his wallet. https://spaztronautwriter.tumblr.com/post/151680523148/bottomless-breadsticks-an-olicity-au#notes

Untitled by @smoaking-greenarrow - Arrow Out of Context Prompt: “Don’t worry. I’ll figure out what’s wrong with Oliver.” “You’d be the first.” http://smoaking-greenarrow.tumblr.com/post/173174827739/could-you-do-5-please-from-the-arrow-season-2

Revelations by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - There's a lot that Ray doesn't ask about when Felicity shows up out the blue after they haven't seen each other in a year. Those answers come to him in time. If he's totally honest with himself, he isn't sure he was prepared for them. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14384493

Don't Take Satisfaction by HopeShannon3000 - When Curtis said he basically took satisfaction in Oliver being alone (in 6x19) i was disappointed that Felicity didn't say anything so i fixed it and made what i wanted her to say to Curtis. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14388264

Jealous Oliver Queen multi-chapter WIP by Overwatch_queen_olicity - Another alien invasion. This time, it's in National City. Kara calls for backup from team Arrow, Flash and Legends. When everyone meets up at the DEO new introductions are made. Winn instantly takes a liking to Felicity, but Oliver isn't too okay with that. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14395686/chapters/33243285

Last Dance (Post S6) by @dust2dust34 - Oliver and Felicity say good bye http://dust2dust34.tumblr.com/post/173200119409/and-because-im-in-an-angsty-mood-17-last

Untitled by @smoaking-greenarrow - Arrow Out of Context Prompt: “You deserve someone better, who can harness that light that’s still inside of you, but I’m not that person and I never will be.” http://smoaking-greenarrow.tumblr.com/post/173198269409/16-of-the-out-of-s2-context-prompts-plssss

Curious Transformations multi-chapter WIP by CharlotteCordelier - From the Department of I-didn't-think-this-all-the-way-through, a season 2 AU. Felicity comes to in a train station, missing some time. And that's only the beginning of the weirdness. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14161659/chapters/32641764

To Sacrifice the Sun multi-chapter WIP by @emmilynestill - Oliver and Felicity are ARGUS agents working on a mission in Mexico, the two share some very important history. A MUST READ! http://archiveofourown.org/works/7510744/chapters/22505918

Untitled by @felicityollies - Prompt: "my bf found my shampoo by smelling all of them" http://felicityollies.tumblr.com/post/173208772812/are-u-by-any-chance-writing-about-my-bf-found-my

Tempest multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Three years ago, tragedy struck Julianna Queen’s life. Now, she wears a mask and fights at her father’s side, looking for closure and justice as she tries to find a path to move forward with her life while holding on to her past. But that may a bit more complicated than she thinks… http://archiveofourown.org/works/13309731/chapters/30461850

Damn It, Why Won't the Eagle Just Land Already? multi-chapter complete by @smewhereelse - President John Diggle would really appreciate it if everyone would stop gossiping about his security detail and his science advisor and get back to work. He’d appreciate it even more if his best friends would pull their heads out of their asses and get together already. A White House romantic comedy AU. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132602/chapters/30040788

Butterflies Around a Flame... multi-chapter WIP by @arrow-through-my-writers-block - Isabella doesn't expect a lengthy string of code on her laptop to transform into a letter from her recently deceased mother offering to tell her the truth about her father, but she accepts the ghostly offering with slight hesitation. In the confession comes the remarkable tale of Felicity Smoak's whirlwind romance with troublemaker Oliver Queen and their desperate attempt to escape the circumstances that brought them together in the first place. (inspired by the film 'Fire With Fire' | title from the song 'Birds of a Feather' by The Civil Wars) https://archiveofourown.org/works/7834591/chapters/17885317

Growing Together by @tsukikomew - In a world where the Gambit never goes down, Felicity Smoak just wants a burger. She just wants one night at Big Belly Burger the way it used to be, before Oliver Queen cut himself away from his family fortune and started being a server there. When she forgets her cell phone one night, Oliver tracks her down and begins a love story neither of them were expecting. https://archiveofourown.org/works/7548208

Coming Together by @tsukikomew - After Oliver Queen walked away from his fortune, he was surprised to meet the love of his life at Big Belly Burger. Now Olicity is confronted with dealing with Moira Queen. A continuation of "Growing Together". https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812036

Loving Together by @tsukikomew - Oliver and Felicity have done it all. They've overcome having no job, no money, and no place to go. They've overcome having three children and parents who were not always supportive. Now they have one more thing to overcome and it doesn't help they start out with three puking children. No matter what they are together and in love, and that's what matters. https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992861

Bodyguard multi-chapter WIP by @originalhybridlover - Felicity needs a new bodyguard and Diggle referred her to an old friend, Oliver Queen. Unknowingly she meets the man she would one day marry. LOVE THIS and the writer says she’s working on an update :) https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656798/chapters/21814571

Oliver on Vacation multi-chapter complete by @tinaday3w - Olicity AU. When Oliver Queen’s best friend, renowned psychiatrist Dr. John Diggle, encourages the stressed-out CEO to go on vacation, Oliver can’t believe Digg’s “vacation” choice is actually a psychiatric retreat nestled deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Oliver simply doesn’t think he needs this kind of intensive therapy. And he definitely doesn’t think he needs the attentions of Felicity – the frivolous, frolicking forest fairy who flits her way into his life and challenges all his assumptions. What Oliver doesn’t know is that he’ll never be so happy to be proven wrong. A MUST READ! https://archiveofourown.org/works/4662243/chapters/10637169

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

It's the Side Effects That Save Us by @theshipsfirstmate - Post-5x20, my attempt to sort through that wholly unsatisfying final Olicity scene. https://archiveofourown.org/works/10869822

Take Two by @yet-i-remain-quiet - A slight rewrite to the Olicity scene at the end of 6x19. When Felicity comes home after seeing the explosion and is looking for Oliver. What if the couple had had a real conversation. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14428407

The Story of Tonight multi-chapter WIP by @arrow-crack - Set in the Revolutionary War. Felicity, a rich daughter of General Smoak meets a strangely charming soldier under her father's command, Oliver Queen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14073570/chapters/32423250

Re-Airrow 1x17 by @lostolicityscenes - Here is episode 1x17 FS version. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/173275491621/re-airrow-episode-1x17-an-you-may-notice-that

Rainbow in the Dark multi-chapter Complete by @tdgal1 - The team is tracking a sex trafficking ring leading to an auction on a boat. Oliver has a PTSD attack resulting in understanding his true feelings for Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14345985/chapters/33110745

Everybody Leaves by shesimperfect_butshetries - Rewrite of the end of 6x17. Felicity and Oliver discuss the collapse of Team Arrow. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416086

Love On Top by @sanxo - This is a one shot, set after 6x19, I may say that it's a little an AU too, oh and its also a little celebration of the Olicity sexiversary! https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416902

Real Love (Is Never a Waste of Time) multi-chapter WIP by @callistawolf - Oliver and Felicity are CEOs who are more partners than they are rivals, but they still bicker whenever they meet up. Constantly pestered by their families and board members, they turn to each other for a simple solution. But marriage is never simple, especially when these two are involved. When Oliver's younger sister decides to hold her much-anticipated wedding on a tropical island and insists her brother and his wife attend, will the island paradise prove to be the tipping point in their carefully balanced relationship? https://archiveofourown.org/works/13604955/chapters/31233603

The Best Deceptions multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - From the moment Oliver Queen met Felicity Smoak, all he’d wanted to do was keep her safe. But to protect her and his city, he had to become something else. Five years later, Felicity finds herself wrapped up in a dangerous murder investigation and a treacherous relationship. Intent on finding out the truth, she has to rely on a government sector she doesn’t trust, the hacking skills she gave up on, and a man who she thought had given up on her. http://archiveofourown.org/works/13920333/chapters/32038635

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 //

#FabulousOlicityFanficFriday #olicity fanfiction #fic recs

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deepkittycollecto · 2 years ago

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You go to olive garden and order unlimited salad and breadsticks. The first serving comes out. You eat it. The second serving comes. You eat that as well. The third serving comes. You're starting to get full, but you eat it cause heck you want to get your money's worth right? Then the fourth serving comes. You start to eat it but stop about a third of the way through cause you're full and you can't eat any more. As the waitress comes to give you a 5th serving, you tell her you won't eat it and that you're ready to pay. She replies "okay" with a smile and goes to get your check, but leaves the 5th serving on your table.

About 10 minutes go buy and the waitress comes out with a 6th serving. You grow a little irritated and tell her that you didn't want any more food, you wanted the check. Again she smiles and says "I'll bring that right out." As she's walking away another waitress comes out with a 7th serving of food. You're stunned at what's happening as you now have nearly 3 full portions of uneaten food. The waitress comes back with an 8th serving and tells you the computers are down, and it might take longer than expected to process the credit card payment. She places the food on top of the food already on the table. The other patrons at the restaurant are now starting to glance at your table with confusion.

Then a 9th serving comes out.

At this point you can't even see the table underneath the food but that doesn't stop the waitress from bringing a 10th serving. You're irate now and demand her bring you your credit card back so you can leave. She says the payment is still processing but she'll go check on it.

She comes back with a 10th serving and tells you the payment is still processing, but if you're going to have to wait if she could bring you some water. You oblige, bewildered at the pile of uneaten salad and breadsticks strewn before you, as the warm scent of garlic fills your nostrils. She comes back with an 11th serving and a glass of water. You drink the water. A 12th serving comes out. At this point the food is piled so high you can't even see across the table anymore. 13th serving. Food starts to fall on the floor. 14th serving. People start to leave the restaurant, confused and a bit frightened at the spectacle.

15.

You start to get up and leave, but the waitress tells you it won't be much longer. "I don't care!" You say, your voice cracking from fear, "just let me get out of here!"

"I'm afraid I cannot do that sir. You must finish the unlimited salad and breadsticks you ordered."

At this point, 30 servings lay on and around your table. A conveyor of waiters are stacking up servings one by one at the tables surrounding you. Kitchen production has reached 1 serving every four seconds. After 100 servings have been brought out you try to make a break for the door, but you slip on a greasy breadstick and fall face first onto the floor.

"Oh can I help you sir?" A worried voice asks. You look up. It's the waitress. "Please, just let me go. I'll do anything, please!"

She smiles and replies "Oh sir, you chose your fate already, and it only cost you $6.99."

You begin to cry. You crawl to the door. It's locked.

250 servings.

You begin to wet yourself. You pray, hoping for a miracle.

428 servings.

Breadsticks are now shooting out of the kitchen like bullets from a submachine gun. All the waiters and waitresses have gotten on their knees and formed a circle, citing the Olive Garden code of conduct as smoke billows from the floor within. Salad dressing starts to fall from the ceiling. You begin to suffocate from the lettuce blocking your nasal passages

2564 servings.

You accept your fate. Power comes in and out, a lightning storm forms outside. There are so many breadsticks in the restaurant that you are unable to see any light. The door breaks open and food begins to pour out at the speed of sound. The road in front of the restaurant gets covered in slippery lettuce and salad dressing, causing a multi car pile up.

6591 servings.

The earth begins to tremble. There is a power blackout.

15477 servings.

Nothing can stop the cataclysm.

61899 servings.

422455 servings

10174592 servings.

The earth begins to split. Volcanic magma makes its way to the surface. The olive garden emoloyees have summoned Cthulhu. He sets fire to the continent. Salad and breadsticks completely cover the earth. Oxygen supply is cut off. Sunlight is nonexistent. You're already dead. The unlimited salad and breadsticks continue to multiply, increasing the mass of the earth to unsustainable levels. Earth collapses into itself, causing a supernova the likes of which have never happened before.

Silence.

0 notes

legobiwan · 6 years ago

Text

A week or two ago, this post was going around. The TCW plot generator CRACK ideas were WONDERFUL and RIDICULOUS and WEIRD and for some reason I felt compelled to challenge myself to write one.

I am almost as sorry for subjecting you guys to this as I am for subjecting myself to writing it. But a challenge is a challenge, even if it is stupidly self-imposed.

So without further adooodoo----

“Jar Jar Binks is a baker and Eeth Koth is a scientist. They are facing an intimate encounter with a tentacle-limbed life form on Chandrila. Optional plot: They are falling in or out of love.“

———————————————————————————————————

It was a pity, really.

Eeth Koth, stone-faced scientist of Iridonia, a planet known for raising disciplined minds capable of tolerating the greatest physical suffering…

…had been reduced to this.

Oh, sure it had begun as a mere dalliance. A hidden peck outside the ‘fresher. A taste in the alley outside his lab.

Perhaps even a stolen bite in a back closet after lunch.

It hadn’t been enough, though, the casual exchange flowering into something beyond the Iridonian’s steely control.

“But yousa liked my buns before!” came the plaintive cry of the culprit, his dealer in dopamine, his co-conspirator in comfort.

Once a week had soon become once a day, and then even more, two, even three times in an afternoon. It was an obsession, an addiction, and his scientist brain chastised him for the irrationality of it all, even as he dreamed of the next time, of the future, long and hazy in its optimism.

The ballads of Alderaan were now as clear as solutions, the poetry of the Snivvians replete with meaning.

Eeth Koth had fallen in love.

With Jar Jar Binks…

…’s baking.

The Gungan himself was beyond intolerable, tripping over his own feet (and accidentally letting loose a few extra pastries which Eeth carefully pocketed), wandering into what should have been high-security areas (where he was always happy to sell his wares), and announcing his presence in the research facility’s cantina with an unmistakable bleat (oh, but how would Eeth have known he even existed, if not for those commanding, albeit warbling tones?)

Still, it was time to put an end to this. Especially as the Gungan had started to interpret Eeth’s passion for his baking as…passion for something else.

Baked goods had started to appear outside of Eeth’s lab. A tray of cream horns. A pile of breadsticks. A quick perusal of Gungan culture on the holonet proved his worst suspicions.

Binks was pursuing Koth in the Gungan tradition.

Which apparently involved a lot of chasing. Something to do with their ancestors’ flight to the sea millions of years ago.

The day a crate of dough balls - one million of them , to be precise - had appeared in his lab, Eeeth knew something had to be done.

And so he did what every proud member of the Iridonian race would do.

He requested a transfer to investigate the biological attack on Hanna City on Chandrilla.

For a few short weeks, everything was back to normal. Eeth took readings, scraped residue from the remains of buildings, and willed himself to forget the whole baked goods debacle on Coruscant. Near the end of his third week on assignment, he traveled to the shoreline, to the edge of the Silver Sea.

Which was not looking so silver anymore.

The normally iridescent body of water had turned pale and dull, undulating in wide, grotesque waves. Curiosity won out over self-preservation, and Eeth inched forward, poking a gloved finger into the mass.

He was not prepared for it to reach up with long, sinewy limbs and…

And…

His cheek was wet, a trail of slime running from his eye to the base of his neck.

The sea, whatever strange being it had transformed into - had caressed his cheek.

It was incredible.

And dangerous, he reminded himself sternly.

But like all scientists, Eeth housed the embers of childlike wonder at something new inside of him, and this was an extraordinary display of evolution. To encounter a creature that evidenced this level of sentience warranted much further investigation and he should get a team and -

“Aaaaa!”

A starchy limb encircled his leg, worming its way up his inner thigh and past his belt buckle and suddenly Eeth was not feeling so enthusiastic about scientific research, batting away the offending arm. But just as he did, another on his left tried again, and a third trying to…

“Damn this thing and its lascivious advances!” he yells, and that’s when he hears it. All the fight goes out of him and Eeth just groans and takes one hand to his forehead, only to wrench it back to his waist as the sentient pastry makes another pass at him.

“Yoo-hoo! Mista Koooth!” a voice sings, its source wading towards him through the sticky, glutinous mass.

“Jar Jar! What are you doing here! This a restricted area, there’s been a biological attack and - “

“Mista Koooooth! I knooooow!”

Eeth stilled.

“What? Jar Jar you didn’t - “

He wouldn’t. Right? Eeth’s heart trilled. There was infatuation, and then there was biological warfare via baked goods for unrequited lust and not even the displaced Gungan would go so far -

“Mista Koth!” Jar Jar waved a finger as another tentacle rose from the mass of dough wrapped itself around Eeth’s waist.

“Jar Jar - get back you damned thing!” The tentacles were multiplying, encircling the scientist in a warm embrace. Eeth pulled and pushed, but there was no give and he was stuck with a salacious biscuit while Jar Jar stood beaming at him and so help him if he got free -

“JAR JAR WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?”

“A Giant Amorphous Bantha Breakfast Biscuit!”

“What?”

“Mista Koth, yousa don’t knows the Giant Amorphous Bantha Breakfast Biscuit? It was on the holo shows.”

Oh no. He did know what they were, they had showed up in several research journals. The amazing self-perpetuating breakfast food that devoured its chef. A feat of biology. And now it was here on Chandrila, and Eeth Koth, respected scientist, master of his craft - he was going to be eaten by a sentient, tentacled, horny kriffing pastry.

Something warm grabbed at his chest. Eeth yelped, heat racing to his cheeks.

“Jar Jar! Tell me you have the sauce.”

The only thing capable of halting the growth of the Giant Amorphous Bantha Breakfast Biscuit was blue sauce, which, was the only condiment served with the Giant Amorphous Bantha Breakfast Biscuit.

It was also probably the only mandatory condiment in the entire galaxy.

The Gungan fished through his pockets, loose change, a few spoons, and even a jar of insects falling into the swelling mass. Eeth shut his eyes, imagining what his colleagues might say at his funeral, or worse, what awful headlines the holonet reporters would come up with.

Dead by Dough.

Pulverized by a Pastry.

Lascivious Lattice Leaves Lab Scientist Leavened.

“Here we are!”

With a sweeping motion, the Gungan spilled the sauce on surface, blue creeping into the pores of the dough. The mass came to a halt, emitting a loud hiss as the entire thing deflated, sinking into the water without further incident.

Eeth stood and brushed himself off - powder and crumbs fell from the folds of his clothing and he can feel the granules of dough in his shoes, down his shirt, and his pants. It is like sand - rough, coarse and getting everywhere.

He coughed to cover his embarrassment.

“What yousa think of that, Mista Koth?”

Eeth fixed the Gungan with a glare.

“Jar Jar. No more pastries.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Not evens a bun?”

“Not even a bun.”

“But yousa liked my buns before!”

Eeth sighed and trudged towards the shore, leaving a bewildered Jar Jar in his wake.

——-

Back at the compound, Eeth locked the door to his quarters. The smell of dough and yeast had followed him for weeks, and not even the strongest cologne could rid the offending odor from his senses. After the incident, he quickly wrapped up his investigation on Chandrila, returning to Coruscant with a tersely-worded report and a number of strong words for his more inquisitive colleagues.

He glanced behind his shoulder, making certain that he was alone. Eeth entered a code on a nearby panel, and a door clicked open. He reached into the secret closet, napkin around his hand.

A satisfying crunch echoed in the chamber and the scientist moaned in pleasure.

One of the advantages of being a senior researcher was the ability to sneak field samples back from investigation sites.

Even if they were tentacled Gungan desserts.

#gods help me and save me from my fandom sins #eeth koth #jar jar binks #I'M SORRY #IT NEEDED TO BE DONE #THE SACRIFICE HAS BEEN MADE #(by which i mean my dignity as a writer)#the amorphous bantha biscuit is a real thing look it up on wookieepedia #i had no idea how to characterize eeth koth so sorry if anyone is a huge fan or anything and he's super ooc #also i have no idea how to write jar jar's dialect so apologies for butchering that #AND NOW BACK TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING OF ANGST

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the-expert-zone · 4 years ago

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What to Eat/Avoid, Restaurant Tips, and Recipes

No matter where you travel in Italy, it seems like they have cracked the code on good cooking. Whether you have pasta, pizza, salad, lasagna, soup, or dessert, you can’t go wrong with authentic Italian food.

Unfortunately, many of the best dishes are filled with starchy foods, flour, or sugar. This can make it challenging to satisfy your craving for Italian food on keto. Find out exactly which foods to avoid when making delicious Italian food.

However, this doesn’t mean you have to give up on all of your Italian favorites to stay in ketosis. In fact, with a few simple ingredient substitutions, restaurant ordering tips, and keto-friendly recipes, you can have a complete Italian meal that tastes authentic and helps you get the results you want.

The Problem with Eating Italian Food on Keto: High Carb Ingredients that Impair Ketosis

Often, the most popular Italian dishes feature high-carb foods and ingredients. In general, the following are the most common keto offenders are:

Pasta — It is best to avoid all pasta dishes and side items with pasta on keto. This includes ravioli, tortellini, manicotti, and lasagna as well. Though they are commonly stuffed with keto-friendly foods like cheese and meat, don’t forget about their high-carb pasta wrapping.

Bread, breading, breadcrumbs, and croutons — Each one is made from high-carb flours. Be cautious of meatballs and meat/seafood dishes as they typically have breadcrumbs or breading added to them. Double-check with the wait staff before ordering.

Pizza crust — Pizza crust is made up of the same components as bread. This means that pizza, strombolis, and calzones should all be avoided (or made with keto-friendly crust).

Rice or corn-based dishes — The most common culprits in this category are risotto, arancini, and polenta.

Soup — Most Italian soups feature pasta, beans, starchy veggie, or a combo of these ingredients. For example, Zuppa Toscana, minestrone, and Italian wedding soup all have high-carb ingredients lurking in their broth.

Dessert — Italian classics like cannolis, tiramisu, lemon cake, and biscotti are far from keto-friendly. To satisfy your craving for these desserts, we’ve included several options in our keto Italian recipe section below.

Keto Italian Food Staples You Can Order at the Restaurant

Though we’ve just taken away a big chunk of the menu, there are still plenty of traditional Italian options you can rely on that are both keto-friendly and delicious:

Olives — Ask for fresh olives instead of bread.

Cured meats — Prosciutto, pepperoni, salami, soppressata, coppa, capicola, bresaola, etc. The fattier the meat, the better.

Carpaccio — Raw, thinly sliced meat or fish

Italian cheeses — Ricotta, mozzarella, parmesan, buffalo mozzarella, etc.

Fresh tomato slices

Fresh herbs

Roasted, grilled, or marinated vegetables — Eggplant, artichokes, and red peppers are common low-carb vegetables you’ll find on the menu. Raw peppers stuffed with meat and/or cheese are also a great option.

Hot Italian sausage — Opt for hot over sweet sausage. Sweet sausage typically gets its sweetness from added sugar.

Roasted, grilled, or steamed meat/seafood dishes — Make sure they are not breaded or served with the high-carb items from the previous section.

Sugar-free red sauces — Marinara, fra Diavolo, and arrabbiata sauce tend to be the lowest carb sauces. That being said, make sure to double-check with the wait staff (or the ingredient label) that it is sugar-free.

Flour-free alfredo sauce — Authentic Italian alfredo sauce is one of the most delicious keto-friendly options. However, before ordering, make sure they didn’t add any flour to thicken up the sauce. The best alfredo will be made with 2-3 simple keto ingredients, typically Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese and butter.

Eat This, Not That: Stay in Ketosis while Eating Italian, Simplified

What to Order at an Italian Restaurant to Stay in Ketosis

Now that we know the keto-friendly components of Italian cuisine, let’s go over some specific menu items and how to order them in a way that keeps the carbs as low as possible:

What to Eat Before the Appetizer

Most Italian restaurants will bring you complimentary bread or breadsticks, which both should be avoided on keto. Ask them to bring some fresh olives and olive oil instead. Olives are the perfect salty, high-fat snack to set you up for a delicious keto Italian meal.

Keto-friendly Appetizer Orders (Hot, Cold, Salads, and Soups)

Antipasto platter — Typically contains an assortment of cured meats, cheeses, and marinated vegetables such as artichokes and peppers. Avoid any dried fruits, mostarda, jams, or bread.

Carpaccio — Aged, raw, thinly sliced beef or fish, usually served with an olive oil dressing, cheese, and a few low-carb vegetables.

Gamberoni — A traditional shrimp antipasto dish, served cold or hot after the shrimp have been sautéed with garlic and wine. Ask them to make it without any pasta.

Grilled, roasted, or marinated vegetables — Artichokes, red peppers, and eggplant are great low-carb Italian veggies that may be featured as a dish or served with antipasto.

Caprese salad — Fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and fresh basil, seasoned with salt and olive oil, occasionally paired with arugula. Ask them to hold the balsamic vinegar if you want to keep it as low in carbs as possible.

Steamed mussels or clams — These should simply be steamed in broth or marinara sauce. Ask for it to be served without pasta, bread, or breading.

Caesar salad — Ask for it without the croutons or bread. Don’t forget to add some extra parmesan or anchovies.

Salsiccia alla Cacciatore — A dish that features Italian-style sausage, herbs, and low-carb veggies covered in marinara sauce. Be sure there are no starchy ingredients served with this dish, such as beans, pasta, polenta, or bread.

Gamberi alla Piccata — A delicious combination of shrimp, lemon, capers, garlic, butter, and tomatoes. You may also be able to get it with chicken instead of shrimp, but make sure it isn’t breaded. Hold any pasta or bread that comes with the dish.

Grilled portobello — As long as they don’t stuff the mushroom with breading, order it as is.

Seafood salad — Typically consists of shrimp, calamari, mussels, clams, peppers, arugula, olive oil, and vinegar. Make sure none of the components are breaded.

Keto Italian Dinner Menu Items

Costolette di Agnello (Lamb Chops) — A simple Italian lamb chop dish. Ask them to hold any reduction sauce and starch (rice, potatoes, pasta, or bread) it may come with, and opt for a side of broccoli or a house salad without croutons.

Salmone Rustica — Grilled salmon served with spinach, roasted tomato, red onion, and olive oil. Ask for extra spinach or a side salad to replace any starchy side it may come with.

Costilla Corta di Manzo — A delicious braised beef short ribs dish. Order without the sauce/reduction, bread, pasta, risotto, or potatoes that come with it. Ask for low-carb veggies or a house salad without croutons on the side.

Osso Bucco — Veal shanks braised with vegetables, white wine, and broth. Ask them to hold the risotto or polenta that is traditionally served with.

Chicken or Veal Saltimbocca — Meat wrapped (or lined) with prosciutto and sage, cooked in a marsala-based sauce. Double-check to make sure the meat isn’t covered in flour or breaded, as this dish is sometimes made in this way.

New York Strip Steak or Ribeye — Ask for it to be served with steamed broccoli, asparagus, or a side salad. Hold the bread, potatoes, risotto, or wine reduction it may come with.

What About Italian Dessert?

Ordering a low-carb dessert at an Italian restaurant will be much more difficult, so I recommend skipping it and having a homemade keto dessert instead.

That being said, there are a couple of simple options that most restaurants won’t mind preparing for you:

Berries and cream — Ask for a small serving of fresh berries and sugar-free whipped heavy cream or mascarpone cheese.

Espresso (no sugar or milk) — Skip the cappuccino, and order a shot of Italian espresso black. Add some heavy cream if you find the espresso to be too bitter.

Not Sure What to Order? Use These Three Keto Italian Ordering Tips

If the menu or the waitstaff leaves you feeling confused, make sure to order with these tips in mind:

Avoid the flour, starches, and desserts — This includes bread, croutons, risotto, pasta, potatoes, beans, polenta, pizza crust, etc.

Look for non-breaded meat/seafood dishes — Whether they are cured, carpaccio-style, grilled, roasted, or steamed, make sure they aren’t breaded, dredged in flour, or served with high-carb sides.

Add fat and flavor with olive oil and cheese — If your dish is falling flat, don’t forget to amp up the flavor and fat content with extra virgin olive oil and cheese. Grated parmesan and a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil can really turn a bland meal around.

However, as with eating out at other restaurants, it is difficult to figure out how many calories, fats, carbs, and protein are in your order. This is why preparing most of your meals at home is one of the best foolproof strategies to ensure that you get the results you want.

In fact, there is no better way to enjoy your favorite Italian dishes than by making them yourself.

Making Keto Italian Food Yourself: Low Carb Substitutes for Traditional Italian Ingredients and Dishes

The first step to converting Italian meals into a keto-friendly dish is by using low-carb alternatives for the most common high-carb ingredients:

Italian pasta → Low-carb vegetables, shirataki noodles, or homemade keto noodles

Pasta is typically made from wheat flour, which is packed with net carbs.

To make your favorite Italian pasta dishes keto-friendly, try using spiralized zucchini, eggplant noodles, spaghetti squash, sliced cabbage, shirataki noodles, or a homemade keto pasta noodle recipe instead.

To learn more about each low-carb pasta option, check out our guide to eating pasta on keto.

Lasagna → Keto pasta sheets, low-carb vegetables, or go noodle-free

Since lasagna filling is usually made with keto ingredients, all you have to do is swap out the high-carb pasta sheets. The easiest option is to forget about the layers and double up on the meat and cheese.

Alternatively, if you’re looking to emulate every aspect of authentic Italian lasagna, then lasagna with keto noodle layers will be the best choice.

For a list of keto lasagna recipes, check out the lasagna section of our keto pasta noodle article.

Risotto → Riced cauliflower

Cauliflower is one of the most versatile keto vegetables. Not only can you make low-carb fried rice with it, but you can turn it into a creamy, Italian-inspired risotto as well.

Feel free to add your own spin on it and change the flavors, fillings, and additional cheeses that can be added to it. It’s customizable, easy to make, delicious, and keto-friendly!

Breading for meat, seafood, and vegetables → Ground pork rinds, flaxseed meal, parmesan cheese, and Italian seasoning

Some Italian dishes just don’t taste right without the breading.

Fortunately, there are several ways to cut out the high-carb flour and keep the coating keto-friendly.

One of our favorite ways to make low-carb cutlets is by using a mixture of ground pork rinds, flaxseed meal, parmesan cheese, and Italian seasoning for the breading. Check out our chicken parmesan recipe to learn how.

Pizza → Keto pizza crust (meat-, keto flour-, or cauliflower-based)

The problem with pizza is the high-carb crust, but there are dozens of ways to make it without the excess carbs.

To find the right keto pizza crust option for you, check out our top 10 pizza recipes featuring meat- and keto flour-based crusts by following this link.

Alternatively, if you have some extra cauliflower in the fridge, you can turn that into keto pizza crust as well (with the help of this recipe).

Italian dessert → Use sugar-free keto-friendly ingredients

Italian desserts are a notoriously delicious combination of fatty richness and sugary sweetness.

To experience the authentic flavors you crave from your favorite desserts, it is best to make them yourself with keto-approved recipes.

With the help of the right recipe, you can make keto-friendly tiramisu, Italian cheesecake, and panna cotta. For a comprehensive list of keto Italian dessert recipes, scroll down to see our dessert menu.

50+ Keto Italian Recipe Round-up: Your Favorite Foods Made Keto-friendly

Making the dish yourself is the best way to ensure that you’ll get all of the authentic Italian flavors and textures you love while achieving your goals with keto. To help you find your favorites, we created a comprehensive keto Italian menu divided into the following sections:

Breakfast and brunch

Italian low-carb lunch

Appetizers and snacks

Soup and salad

Keto-approved Italian pasta

Keto Italian dinner entrees

Side dishes (keto contorno)

Pizza and bread recipes

Italian desserts (sugar-free dolces)

Italian-inspired Keto Breakfast and Brunch Recipes

Speculoos and Macadamia Biscotti — A satisfying keto-friendly version of the traditional Italian biscuit. Try dipping it in Ketoproof Coffee for the perfect start to your day.

Mini Pizza Egg Bakes — Get your morning pizza fix without having to fiddle with keto pizza crust.

Eggceptional Sausage Keto Frittata — There’s no better way to celebrate the Italian frittata than by combining the traditional egg dish with Italian sausage. If you love Italian sausage, you’ll find this recipe to be undeniably satisfying.

Keto Pepperoni Pizza Quiche — Though quiche isn’t keto-friendly or Italian, we can make it into a keto Italian dish by using keto-friendly pizza crust ingredients and Italian-inspired toppings.

Breakfast Keto Pizza Waffles — This recipe sells itself, satisfying your craving for pizza and waffles at the same time.

Ham, Ricotta, and Spinach Casserole — One of the cheapest and simplest ways to fit low-carb vegetables, meat, eggs, and Italian cheese into your day with one quick casserole.

Savory Italian Egg Bake — A savory casserole dish for those who need a hearty protein-packed breakfast to start the day. Feel free to make this for lunch or dinner as well.

Italian Low-carb Lunch Menu

Personal Pan Pizza Dip — All the pizza toppings you love, but without the crust. Eat it by the spoonful, scoop it up with pork rinds, or serve with a side of Keto Breadsticks.

Italian Cheesy Bread Bake — Ooey gooey doughy goodness without the high-carb flour. If you’ve been craving authentic Italian stromboli since you started keto, this recipe will really hit the spot.

Hot Sausage & Pepper Soup — A delicious low-carb alternative for Italian soups that come with beans or pasta.

Grilled Tuna Salad with Garlic Dressing — A hearty & healthy keto salad inspired by the fresh flavors of Italy’s Mediterranean coast.

Rosemary Chicken Salad with Herb Balsamic Vinaigrette — This is nothing like the salads where they just plop a bland piece of grilled chicken breast on top. With this recipe, every component is bursting with Italian flavor.

Prosciutto, Caramelized Onion, and Parmesan Braid — Yes, it’s as delicious as it sounds. After you have this mozzarella-based braid, you’ll never reach for a high-carb calzone or stromboli again.

Keto Hoagie Lunch Bowl — This keto lunch bowl is like having a cold Italian antipasto combined with delicious hoagie sandwich toppings.

Keto Sub Sandwich Casserole — If you miss the days when you had an Italian sub for lunch, skip the bread and make this casserole instead. Pack it with your favorite meats, cheeses, and toppings for the perfect grab-and-go keto lunch.

Snacks and Appetizers (Keto Antipasto)

Easy Keto Italian Plate — Start your keto Italian night off right with this no-frills cold antipasto.

Low Carb Keto Caprese Snack Salad — The beauty of this Caprese salad is in its simplicity. Just prep, cut, and layer the ingredients for a delicious keto snack or appetizer.

Pesto Keto Crackers — Skip the Italian bread and snack on these pesto crackers. They’ll satisfy your craving for bread while pairing wonderfully with the keto Italian dips below.

Cheesy Hearts of Palm Dip — Incredibly cheesy and satisfying, this Italian-inspired dip is a guaranteed crowd favorite.

Spicy Sausage Cheese Dip — Craving something meaty and spicy to kick off your keto Italian dinner? This simple dip will be the perfect starter.

Garlic and Herb Breadstick Bites — Not only are these breadsticks keto-friendly, but they are so much more satisfying than their high-carb counterpart. Serve as a hot appetizer or have it on the side with your soup, salad, or main dish.

Keto Stuffed Artichokes — Inspired by the traditional Italian appetizer, these stuffed artichokes taste surprisingly authentic. Preparing the artichokes can be intimidating at first, but with the help of this recipe, you’ll be able to make a restaurant-quality plate.

Keto Arancini (Cauliflower Rice Balls) — To pull off the ultimate keto Italian magic trick, make yourself some low-carb arancini by replacing the rice and breading with cauliflower and pork rinds. Pour your favorite low-carb sauce over the finished product and enjoy! (Skip the jalapeno if you don’t want the added spiciness.)

Soup and Salad

Homemade Keto Caesar Salad — Just like authentic Caesar salad, but without the bread or high-carb croutons. Serve with keto breadsticks or low-carb croutons instead.

Vegan Cucumber and ‘Bacon’ Side Salad — Add some extra low-carb vegetables and healthy fats to your Italian meal with this side salad. Don’t forget the sugar-free Italian dressing.

Sausage and Kale Soup — Whether you are craving escarole and bean soup, zuppa Toscana, or minestrone, this recipe is one of the most satisfying low-carb alternatives for these classic Italian soups.

Low-Carb Broccoli Lemon Parmesan Soup — A comforting, cheesy, and creamy broccoli soup that’ll get your taste buds ready for the main course.

Oven Roasted Caprese Salad — Fresh mozzarella accompanied by roasted garlic and tomatoes, tossed together with fresh basil and pesto. This is arguably one of the best salads on keto.

Keto Italian Pasta Recipes

Keto Spaghetti alla Carbonara — Just replace the carb-heavy pasta with a keto option and experience the sublime combination of egg, Parmesan cheese, and bacon that make Carbonara so delicious.

Bolognese Zoodle Bake — A satisfyingly meaty keto sauce without the added sugar and high-carb veggies that are typically added to bolognese. Feel free to serve it with any of your preferred low-carb pasta alternatives.

Zucchini Ribbons & Avocado Walnut Pesto — A lighter and brighter tasting keto pasta dish featuring basil and walnut pesto.

Eggplant and Bacon Alfredo — Surprisingly enough, eggplant makes for the perfect keto noodle, soaking up the alfredo flavors better than fettuccine.

Keto Lasagna — This is the closest you’ll get to the real thing on keto. In fact, you may even find this to be more satisfying and flavorful than traditional Italian lasagna.

For a wider variety of keto pasta alternatives and recipes, check out our 15 best pasta recipes.

Keto Italian Meat and Seafood Dinner Entrees

Simple Chicken Parmesan — A deliciously tender, pan-fried chicken cutlet with keto breading and layered with sauce and melted cheese. (You can use the same low-carb breading method to make Eggplant Parmesan as well.)

Keto Creamy Sun-Dried Tomato Chicken Thighs — Like a vodka cream sauce with a hint of chicken Cacciatore, this keto recipe belongs on the menu at the best of the best Italian restaurants.

Baked Italian Meatballs — The humble meatball deserves more attention. Its versatility, simplicity, and flavor are unmatched. After making these classic Italian meatballs, don’t forget to try stuffing them with cheese or make them with Italian sausage.

Keto Shrimp Alfredo — Pan-fried shrimp swimming in a decadent, creamy alfredo sauce without the high-carb fettuccine getting in the way of your goals.

Zingy Lemon Fish — A quick low-carb fish dish inspired by the flavors of fish Piccata.

Vegan Portobello Steaks with Avocado Salsa — A vegan-friendly way to experience Italy without the meat, cheese, and carbs.

Perfect Ribeye Steak — Follow the recipe as is or amp up the flavor by marinating the steak in Zesty Keto Italian Dressing.

Lemon & Rosemary Roasted Chicken Thighs — This keto recipe takes the classic flavors of Chicken Piccata to another level with roasted chicken thighs and aromatic herbs.

Coffee and Wine Beef Stew — A warm, comforting stew reminiscent of Beef Spezzatino (Italian beef stew).

Keto Italian Side Dishes (Contorno)

Mashed Cauliflower with Parmesan Cheese and Truffle Oil — The perfect side for your main dish, especially if you’re craving mashed potatoes.

Keto Breadsticks — Italian food is better with fresh breadsticks. With this low-carb recipe, you’ll learn how to make them Italian-style or extra cheesy.

Low Carb Cauliflower Mushroom Risotto — Creamy, cheesy risotto doesn’t have to be filled with net carbs. Next time you have keto Italian night, give this cauliflower-based risotto a try instead.

Crisp Garlic Parmesan Keto Green Bean — A simple side of green beans covered in garlic and parmesan.

Low Carb Broccoli and Cheese Fritters — Another delicious keto alternative for arancini and a great way to add more low-carb vegetables to your main dish.

Keto Bread, Pizza, Stromboli, and Calzone Recipes

Low Carb Focaccia Bread — Aromatic Italian bread that is actually keto-friendly.

Keto Plain Pizza — Quick and easy plain pizza in just 5 minutes, no flour necessary.

Low Carb Pepperoni Pizza — Sink your teeth into a keto-friendly slice of thin-crust pepperoni pizza.

Cauliflower Pizza Crust — Replace the flour with cauliflower, and learn how to turn this keto vegetable into the perfect pizza crust.

Portobello Personal Pizzas — Like stuffed Italian portobellos, but they’re packed with pizza toppings.

Keto Stromboli and Calzone Options:

If you’d like to see more pizza or bread recipes for keto, click the following links:

Keto Italian Desserts (Dolces)

Blackberry Chocolate Panna Cotta — A creamy keto-friendly alternative for the classic Italian dessert.

Keto Tiramisu — Everything you love about traditional tiramisu without the added sugar and high-carb flour.

Italian Lemon Sponge Cake — A lighter keto dessert option that features a fluffy, airy cake and a subtle lemon flavor. Don’t forget to top it with homemade sugar-free whipped cream.

Keto Mocha Gelato — Most keto ice cream recipes are so rich and creamy that they serve as a perfect gelato substitute as well. If coffee-flavored gelato isn’t your favorite, here is a link to our other keto-friendly flavor options.

Keto Cheesecake Bites — Simple, creamy, and satisfying, just like a bite-sized Italian cheesecake.

Keto Cream Cheese Truffles — Decadent truffles reminiscent of fine Italian chocolates, no specialty ingredients or sugar necessary.

Key Takeaways: How to Add Italian Food to Your Keto Lifestyle

Whether you are eating out, ordering takeout, cooking at home, or looking for a quick snack, you can eat Italian food while staying in ketosis and experiencing the benefits of keto.

To fit more of your favorite Italian dishes into your keto diet, make sure to follow these three rules:

Avoid bread, breading, pasta, risotto, polenta, and desserts.

Look for non-breaded meats/seafood dishes.

Add more fat and flavor with olive oil, cheese, olives, and cured meats.

However, the only way to ensure that what you are eating will satisfy your craving for Italian without impairing ketosis is by making the dishes yourself. This is why we’ve included 50+ Italian keto recipes above (and why we update our keto recipe catalog regularly.)

As with any keto meal, it is also crucial to consider how these dishes fit into your nutritional needs for the day. This is because your results ultimately depend on what and how much you eat.

To help you figure out exactly what this means for you, we’ve included several tools that’ll help you achieve your health and weight loss goals with keto:

P.S. Have a look at the Keto Academy, our foolproof 30-day keto meal planner. It has all the tools, information, and recipes needed for you to succeed.

+ The food will always fit to your macros and cooking preferences!

✅ You can click the LINK to start creating your 8-week plan. Simply follow the plan to achieve a successful keto diet. 🙂⠀ LINK : CLICK HERE LINK :CLICK HERE

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