#you could say im sentimental. youd be right

[cakeissweeterthanpickles]

to start over, you know?

[kobunnie]

giving them flowers

ft. nishinoya + akaashi + oikawa

⤻ summary ; boys deserve flowers too

⤻ word count ; 1.4k

⤻ genre ; fluff

⤻ cw ; none

⤻ pronouns ; none mentioned

ও NISHINOYA YUU

bursts into tears

is so unbelievably happy and he just falls for you all over again

would totally try to keep the flowers alive for as long as possible

probably takes a picture and prints it out so that he can frame it and keep it for forever

and most of all,

he tells everyone

the volleyball club, his opponents, absolutely EVERYONE

nobody is safe from him going on and on about how his s/o was so cute and bought him flowers

even shows it off to his grandpa—

will always bring it up and how much he loves you for it

is honestly so cute about it that you just end up buying him flowers more often because you can

“yuu~” you sung, as you hid the bouquet of flowers behind your back.

nishinoya turned around, and immediately a smile formed on his face “Y/N!”

“i have something for you,” you said

nishinoyas smile grew even wider as he did that cute little pose he always does—eyes sparkling and hands formed in fists. “what is it?!”

“here!” you would thrust the flowers out from behind your back and nishinoya would go silent for a second, registering what was happening

once it finally clicked the tears would start streaming down his face as he went on and on about how he had the best significant other ever and how he loved you so much

would take the flowers and your hand and run home, literally dragging you along. hed arrive home and would place them in the prettiest vase he owned and then snap a few photos for memories

a photo of just the flowers, a photo of just you, a photo of you and the flowers, and a photo of the both of you with the flowers

promises himself and makes a mental reminder to get the photos printed soon so he can hang them up

the next day hed be at practice and suga would probably notice how happy and giddy nishinoya is

“noya, youre even more energetic and happy than usual, whats up?”

“well, y/n got me flowers yesterday! and theyre beautiful—y/n and the flowers—and i love the both of them.”

suga would nod and smile “thats nice—“

“and i took these pictures, come look! im gonna print them after school” and he goes on and on and on and on, talking off the ears of the whole karasuno boys team

and once they step on the court? well, hed start telling the opponents the same thing—showing them the photos and everything

ও AKAASHI KEIJI

at first is confused as to why you have flowers

insecurity would slowly grow in his stomach at the thought that maybe some other person gave you the flowers

but when you nervously stand in front of him and hold the flowers out, avoiding eye contact,

he almost loses it right then and there

literally his face would flush and his heart would hammer in his chest that hed swear you could hear it

would take the flowers and be so adorable with them

would also say something really cute and sentimental and youd start crying

because WHO ALLOWED HIM TO BE LIKE THAT? SUCH A HEART WRENCHER?

hed keep them alive for longer than you wouldve ever thought possible

and would always just remember the memory of you giving him the flowers when he feels down

definitely also gets you flowers in return and its honestly just a really cute exchange

akaashi watched as you walked towards him, a flower bouquet in hand

he didnt know where you couldve possibly gotten the flowers, but he didnt like to admit that he was a little bit nervous. what if youd gotten them from another person? should he get you flowers as well?

and when you stopped in front of him his heart would be racing because youre beautiful holding flowers and because hes nervous as to why exactly youre holding flowers

but once you extend your arms, smile at him and say, “keiji, i bought you flowers because i love you”

well, akaashi would simply die right then and there

rip akaashi keiji </3

hed literally be blushing so hard as hed take the flowers from you and would have the tiniest most adorable smile on his face that the both of you are just melting

youre melting because hes so cute

and hes melting because you just gave him a bouquet of flowers and he loves it

“y/n, i absolutely love these, thank you”

“really?”

“of course! ive never been given a bouquet of flowers before . . . and getting flowers from the person i love is even better. i love you, y/n”

and then here come your tears and youre crying and akaashi is just like “IM SO SORRY”

but youre reassuring him its fine because why wouldnt it be

and in return, the next day he gets you flowers and then you also die

rip y/n </3

ও OIKAWA TOORU

honestly, he probably stalks you on a daily

so if you bought the flowers and wait to give it to him till he like comes over to your house later

then hed see you walking with them

okay to clarify he saw you by complete chance okay—was going to buy you flowers too

and he at first thinks that theyre from another person and smirks to himself

because he knows that if theyre from another person youd head straight for the trash

but when you dont go straight for the trash he gets confused and is like ???

so now is when he actually follows you around

trying to avoid his fangirls in case they give him away

would see you go home and would follow you up as you take the flowers into your apartment and by then oikawas just . . .

extremely confused

as to why you hadnt thrown the flowers away yet

of course, he wouldnt think youd actually cheat on him or anything because who could on oikawa

but he is having conflicting thoughts

so like ten minutes after you went into your apartment he knocks and you answer

and he like gives very quick kisses and hi’s and enters your apartment only to find that he cant find the flowers

and youre both confused at this point

till you tell him to hold on and that you have something for him

and you go into your room and hand him the flowers

and suddenly everything makes sense probably also sheds a single tear

oikawa crossed the street, trying to looks as inconspicuous as possible

he followed you as you walked towards your house, holding the bouqet of flowers close to your heart

he wondered where you coulve possibly gotten them from. it wasnt from him, and you werent the type of person to buy flowers for yourself just to keep (it was too much of a hassle). so his thoughts drifted to the possibility of a third party. but with that thought, he becomes confused. youd been given flowers by others before and had always just thrown them away the second you had the chance. this was an unusual occurrence

once you reached your apartment, oikawa stopped. maybe youd thrown the flowers away inside?

he wasnt supposed to meet you until later that night, but he could surprise you and investigate. he wasnt really worried about the idea of an affair or anything, but he was confused and wanted answers

he knocked and you answered, your face rising in surprise. “hey, tooru, whatre you doing here?”

“came early.” oikawa chirped, “just couldnt wait to see you!”

you frowned slightly and opened your door wide for him. “uhm, okay. come on in, then.” it was weird seeing oikawa act the way he was

as soon as he was let in, oikawa glanced around for the flowers but found nothing. he was feeling reassured, thinking youd finally thrown them away

“oh, i have something for you” you would head to your bedroom and quickly grab the flowers, hiding them behind your back

oikawa watched as you smiled and held the flowers out. “these are for you, tooru”

and cue the single tear

[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[petewentzisblack1312]

hey dils!! was listening to sunshine riptide and thought of u so i wanted to say i hope ur taking care and also ask if u have any favorite fob videos/interviews?? lately i have been obsessed w the promo video patrick did for the honda civic tour where he drove around LA and said the only reason they got the tour was because he already drove a civic ahsjdbd

first of all it is SO flattering that listening to sunshine riptide made you think of me 🥺

secondly i was molded out of clay to answer this question, 100% i have a lot that i think about like way too often

the one where petes giving a tour of his parents house where he lived at the time and was showing off his stuff and was particularly very excited about the fact that his band was turned into action figures and then half way through andy shows up and is like "were best friends forever!" and petes like "yeah andy comes over for sleepovers a lot, we hang out in my basement and make zines and stuff" and then at the end he gets all excited cuz he hears his moms car pull up and he goes out and shes coming out of the car and then patrick gets out of the car carrying groceries and petes like "here mom me and patrick can put the groceries away you finish the interview" and shes like "no- pete i just got home from work im a mess" and hes like "what? no! no mom you look great, you can finish the interview well take in the groceries" and then she did and the camera crew came back to the two of them messing around and putting groceries away.

"pete wentz is honestly the only way to describe pete wentz. hes the most complicated guy i know." [cut to] "if anyone can make a strike without touching the lane i will pay you $300" *throws bowling balls straight into the air* *runs down the lane*

ok but in all seriousness i love that interview not only for that iconic moment but because later the footage is like blaring i dont care and pete goes and grabs a stuffed giraffe out of the prize thingie and hes like "what do you mean :)? we bought this with our tickets!!" and the editors are very much trying to make it a bad boy rebel without a cause moment except if you looked the woman behind the counter had a smile on her face and was laughing and then afterwards he gave it back and said "we werent really gonna steal it" but it really seemed like she knew that already

and then at a different point a couple fans showed up and they were all shy and excited to meet him and he was just like "hey are you guys coming to the show later" and they were like "yeah" and he was like "cool! thanks for coming out :) do you want a picture?" and they took a picture and it seemed like he was still kinda excited that people were excited to meet him. marcus (their bodyguard) was like trailing behind him and smiling and laughing throughout most of these antics and i just think thats sweet.

later in this same interview once again as they were on the ride back to their hotel or whatever theyd brought back a fake moustache and patrick put it on and did a bunch of dumb impressions.

patrick: if i wasnt doing music i think id be like a music critic or music journalist or something

andy:...i thought you said youd work at walmart

theres this one srar era interview thats just joe and patrick riffing for like 15 minutes. like it looks like they just straight up forgot the interviewer was there its so funny theyre such good friends.

this one joe and pete interview where i dont even really remember what they were talking about but theres a moment where joes talking about music with this intense passion and pete just kinda looks at him with this level of brotherly pride that keeps me going

this one andy and pete interview where 1) there were waterfowl chillin behind them which was deeply fascinating to andy and 2) they took a moment to swivel their chairs and hug each other bc theyre besties

band superlatives, specifically the moment where theyre all separately like "technically marcus isnt in the band but like. its marcus." bc that was sweet, unofficial 5th member of fob. and also "whos the most talented" "patrick. patrick. its patrick, hands down." "hm. petes like a really good soccer player" like thats a moment out of a fucking sitcom

halloween asmr with pete wentz. the man cant act but god can he commit to a bit.

there was this like live text chat that they all were in with fans on some radio station website. there were a lot of very fun moments, including joe saying "this is very current technology." as a comment on how very dated the live chat was and andy being like "can we set an icon i wanna change mine to an XVX" and pete and joe being like "oh are you vegan straight edge? we had no idea." and then pete was like "actually i wanna change my icon to andy hurley" and andy was like "no pete im not gonna send you a picture of me" and he was like :( and then a minute later he changed it to andy and he was like, and i swear this is almost a direct quote "BOOM! i love my life haha" and andy was like "goddammit" like i have no idea where to find this but it was so good.

theres this one "this or that" interview with joe and andy wherein the interviewer was a woman and like she seemed pretty at ease around them and got to the last question and imo seemed kinda uncomfortable and kind of established (in a way that seemed like she didnt usually do that) that it was a gross question, which was "would you have sex with a super hot celebrity but shes just died" and both of them were like "hey. what the fuck. absolutely not." and shes like "oh thats a first" and they are both like "do people say yes to that????????" and shes like "youre literally the first people to say no haha" in a way that made it seem that she did not find it funny and i just find that to be an interesting moment and i hope shes doing well and has a better producer now.

theres this one interview w andy on a hardcore podcast where the interviewer asks andy "do you every wish fall out boy were more political?" and he said (paraphrasing) "fall out boy is political, in its own way. we may not be as explicit with our politics as my other stuff, but kids find fall out boy, and through me, with all my other bands, or through joe, since he does a lot of metal, find heavier stuff, and are introduced to this stuff and to being vegan straight edge or anarchist or just more radical politics, and i dont think that just because we arent being super political in our music we arent a political band" which was really something to me bc i had just been thinking about that as a concept i call "gateway punk"

theres this one interview i recently found of a very small chicago music news outlet where a young lady interviewed pete and asked far more interesting questions than any other interviewer id ever seen and one such question was how he felt about the legalization of marijuana in illinois and he said that it was cool that it was legal but everyone locked up for it right now should be released and i like that he got to be political

theres a moment on the badass jew podcast episode joe was on where the interviewer whomst i do not recall was espousing some veiled antiblack sentiments wrt some antisemitic comments some famous black people had made and joe just completely rebutted it immediately and pointed out that black people not only are not a monolith bht are at a greater disadvantage

and also he made a joke that i could never make and cant fully get bc im not jewish but it was very funny and i love hearing people make jokes that arent for me.

this one interview before patrick had kids where he was saying how everyone kept asking him and elisa when theyd have kids and he was like "you cant just make that happen yknow? how do you just do that?" and pete immediately grinned and leaned over and mock whispered "you have sex" and patrick punched the air and was like "i hate you so much"

that one interview about abap where pete was like "we actually got the guy who did the whistles on patience by guns n roses to do it on this" and then he looks over at patrick and patrick shakes his head and petes like "you couldnt let me have this?" and he was like "i was gonna but then you looked at me and i just couldnt."

"whats the most important thing to you right now?"

patrick: star wars

joe: my daughter.

patrick: ...my son?

the puppy interview. everyone involved including the puppies was having the time of their goddamn life.

i have to stop this is too much its been like an hour

[kendrixtermina]

Further reactions to "The book of lost tales":

I appreciate that Idril canonically wears armor and does swordfighting.

I feel like I can actually imagine adult!Idril much better now like in armor and with open hair, distraught but ready to fight while babby Earendil does not yet realize the danger...

My first thought is that Earendil was probably cute in that baby chainmail. My second thought is OUCH, Idril and Tuor always made sure their growing baby had fitting chainmail cause they felt the apocalypse might get them at any moment. Imagine that, imagine them having the baby armor fitted every year or so :(

Its fun how much of the basic structure already exists but most of what you'd consider the main characters doesn't exist or is scattered across various minor roles The only Prince anywhere in sight is Turgon - Except for Team Doriath, theyre all accounted for. I suppose Maeglin is kinda there in name only with vaguely the same role & motivation, but looks personality and background all did a 180 since. Luthien is still pretty much "princesd classic" at this point, not quite the fearless go-getter from the final version - markedly this version tells Beren that she doesnt want to wander in the wilderness with him whereas the final one says she doesnt care and its Beren still wants to get the shiny so as not to ask this of her and also for his honor.

I mean in the finished version Id consider the 3rd and 4th gen royals to be the main characters (well, alobgside Team Doriath and the varioud human heroes) and theyre hardly here. Imagine the silm with no Finrod!

Feanor had no affiliation with the royal family whatsoever, and is also generally less super. He's just the guy who won the jewelsmithing competition, not the inventor of the whole discipline. Still seems to have been envisionad as a respected member of the community who gets called to the palace for crisis meetings and is listened to when he stsrts giving speeches. From the first he already has the backstory of going off the deep end (or at least growing disillusioned with Valinor) after a family member is killed by Melkor and theyre still the first to die, but its just some other rando unrelated to the royals

The situation regarding the humans is different - instead of Melkor leaking their existence, its Manwe who explains that the other continents were supposed to be for them eventually. So Feanor goes off on a tirade about weak puny mortals comes off as a more of a jerk unlike in the final version where Melkor barely knew about the humans and described them to the Noldor as a threat. On the other hand in this one, also very much unlike in the finished product, Melkor dupes even Manwe into being unfair to the elves as a whole. In this the final version is a definite improvement, both Feanor and the Valar come off as a lot more sympathetic and though still deceived he's partially right in some things at least, so you have more of a genuine tragedy rather than a simple feud

There is something to the idea of Commoner!Feanor tho. I guess some of this survived in his nomadic explorer lifestyle and how both his wife and mother (who arent mentioned here) eventually were the ones to get that background of being not especially pretty ladies who are not from the nobility but got renown, respect and acclaim for their unique talent and contribution to society, with each having invented things and Nerdanel also being renowed for her wisdom. Hes sort of an odysseus-like Figure in that sense. I suppose later developements necesitated that Maedhros & co. have an army not just a band of thieves, which means they needed to be nobles/lords. That said this being a society where artisans are very respected and half the lords have scholarly/artistic pursuits going, the gap was probably not as big to begin with as it might have been in say, medieval England. Esoecially since Nerdanel's father had been given special honor by one of the local deities and that the social order might have been a very recent thing in Miriel's time. One might speculate that the first generation of Lords started out as warriors during the great journey, or perhaps just Finwe's friend group.

Also found that bit intetesting where the Valar have to deal with the remaining political tensions and effects of Melkor's lies on the remaining population in Valinor... - i guess with the change of framing device it was less likely for news of something like this to reach Beleriand. That, or the existence of Finarfin and his repentance made this go smoother this over in later cannon

Turgon's go-down-with-the-ship moment reaaly got to me. Im half tempted to write a fic where his wife, siblings and dad glomp him on arrival in Mandos. I dont care that none of them exists yet in this continuity i want Turgon to get hugs

I love all the additional Detail that got compressed out in the shift from fairytale-ish to pseudohistoric style especially all the various Valinor magic insofofar as it is compatible with the final version - particularly love the idea of the connection between the lamps and the trees that is now integrated into my headcanon forever

Its actually explained what the doors of night are

If I had not already read unfinished tales or volumes X to XII where this is also apparent, this is where I would say: Ah so the Valar were supposed to be flawed characters. Manwe has an actual arc; by the time he sends Gandalf he finally "got" it. I think in the published silm the little arcs of Ulmo and Manwe are mostly just lost in compression/ less apparent when only some of the relevant scenes got in but not all

It occurred to me way too late that the "BG" chars are the most consistent because theyre at the start and most stories are written from beginning to end. Finwe doesnt get a dedicated paragraph of explicit description until HoME X but my takeaway was that he's described pretty much like I always imagined him anyways/ same vibe I always got from him... charismatic, thoughtful, enthusiastic, sanguine temperament, brave in a pinch but at times lets his judgement be clouded by personal sentiment (though that last bit is more apparent/salient as a character flaw once he became the father of a certain Problem Child) ...i guess this would be a result of jrrt having had a consistent idea of him in his head for a long time.

This means Finwe's still alive at the time of the exodus which is just fun to see/interesting to know... Interestingly he sort of gets what later would be Finarfin's part of ineffectually telling everxone to please chill and think it over first while Feanor simply shouts louder (which is consistent with his actions before the sword incident in later canon where he initially spoke out against the suspiciozs regarding the Valar) - but its not exactly the same, he's more active than Finarfin later in that when "chillax" availed nothing he said that then at least they should talk with the other Kings and Manwe to leave with their blessing and get help leaving (This seems like it would have been the clusterfuck preventing million dollar suggestion in the universe where Feanor is related to him and values him) but when even that falls on death ears he decides that he "would not be parted from his people" and went to run the preparations. I find it interesting that the motivation is sentiment/attachment (even phrased as "he would not be parted from [his people]" same words/ expression as is later used for the formenos situation), not explicitly obligation as it later is for Fingolfin (who had promised to follow Feanor and didnt want to leave his subjects at the mercy of Feanor's recklessness )

Speaking of problem children. It seems the sons of Feanor were the Kaworu Nagisa of the Silmarillion in that originally all they do is show up at some point and kill Dior as an episodic villain-of-the-week. And then, it seems their role got bigger in each continuity/rewrite... probably has something to do with the Silmarils ending up in the title later making it in the sense their story that ends and begins with them. They have zero characterization beyond "fierce and wild" at this point, though in what teetsy bits there is we already have the idea that Maedhros is the leader and Curufin is the smart one/shemer/sweet-talker, though not the bit where Maedhros (or Maglor, or anyone really) is "the nice one". Which I guess explains why "Maglor" sounds like such a stereotypical villain name.

"The Ruin of Doriath" was purportedly the patchworkiest bit of the finished product, but I never noticed and it actually left quite an impression of me upon first reading, the visual of Melian sitting there with Thingol's corpse in her arms contemplating everything thinking back to how they met... she had the knowledge to warn him not to doom himself but couldnt get him to understand it because he doesnt see the world as she does.... After reading this though I wish there was a 'dynamic' rendition that combined all the best bits like, youd have to adapt it to the later canon's rendition of the dwarves, have Nargothrond exist etc. But i mean that just makes Finrod another dead/doomed relative of Thingol's whom bling cannot truly replace, like Luthien and Turin. In the Silmarillion you could easily read it as just an "honoured guest treatment" but here and in unfinished tales I get the impression that Thingol actually did see Turin as a son.

Already you see the idea of trying to make the stories all interconnected but there is less than there will be (the human heroes aren't related yet and there is basically no Nargothrond, which is later a common thread for many of the stories - a prototype shows up in the 'Tale of Turambar' tho complete with half baked prototypes of Orodreth and Finduillas

O boi im not even through yet

[comicsnas]

showtime

WARNING: eye gore!!, violence Disclaimer: this is..... an au where guy fieri isnt a cool and chill dude that just likes food. i am very sorry for what i do to him in this. i dont mean it and if the cops knock at my door i will blame it on hussie word count: about 3.7k. i am so sorry

context john gets kidnapped by his mom dave doesnt panic

Los Angeles, CA, Wednesday

“No matter what happens, nobody cancels the premiere,” you say. “Okay? No matter what’s in the news. No matter how bad it gets. The movie drops on Thursday, and people are gonna watch it. Got it? This is a scare tactic and we’re not falling for it. Even if the world is ending, we are premiering this movie and going through with the promo. With or without me.”

Catalena, your manager, has been with you for too long to think that you’re joking. She was who flew you in from Houston to LA back when you were twenty, who let you sleep on your couch until you made enough money to get an apartment, who thought that the message you had for the world was one worthy of her help. She knows that all of this is real, and that she can’t stop you.

Her face says, Dave, you’re scaring me. Her mouth says, “You got it. Could you at least tell me… what you think is going to be in the news that would make us not premiere it?”

“Something bad,” you say. “Hopefully, anyway.”

She tilts her head. “Are you faking your death?”

“Lalonde and I are gonna disappear for a sec,” you say. “How people interpret that is gonna be up to them.”

“Not like you to leave things up to chance,” Catalena says. “Some will think it’s elaborate PR.”

“That’s why I’m only telling you. Lalonde and I are gonna frame this to look serious, and no one else is gonna know what’s going on. You keep your cool, but don’t let anyone know that you’re in on it.”

“I mean, I barely am.” She gives you a Look, a capital L Look, then sighs and nods. “Fine. So if I hear about your presumed death tomorrow, I won’t freak out. At what point am I allowed to assume you are actually dead, and freak out a little bit?”

“If you don’t hear from me in a week,” you say, “then Lalonde and I have been killed by Betty Crocker.”

Houston, TX, twelve years ago

You’re blind.

That’s not true. You’re not blind. You don’t think you are going to be blind. There is no way that you’re fully blind, because the assassin only got your right eye, so it doesn’t make sense for you to be blind, but you’re blind.

The pain might originate from your right eye, but it’s engulfing your entire head by now, and there is something sticky in your left eye and you can’t open it anymore and it burns, and you’re going to go blind, and then you’re going to die in a ditch, in a pool of your own blood, and this is it. It’s over. You and your half sister fucked around on the internet a bunch, got really deep into some conspiracy theories, and barely two weeks after you made the discovery that Betty Crocker definitely, undoubtedly, literally is an actual alien, someone was sent to kill you.

They didn’t manage, so far. They got your eye, and they broke your glasses, leaving a cut on your nose, and a bunch of cuts everywhere else, and you think you cracked your head open when you fell. But you cut their knife hand off, good and clean off, watched it fall to the ground right in front of you. By the time it hit the pavement, the assassin had already turned around and ran away, leaving you to crumple and suffer here by yourself.

This is it.

“Strider?” Rose says. Before the blood trickling into your good eye ruined your vision, you managed to dial her number and call her up, and now you’re lying on your side with your phone pressed to your ear, imagining her in her college dorm room in New York. You were going to visit her there, years ago, after you ran away from your parents. It never worked out. Neither of you has the money. You really wish you could have seen her at least once.

“Yeah,” you croak. “You at home?”

“At the dorm, yes. What’s going on?”

“You gotta go. She sent someone after me, she’s gonna come for you too. If she knows that I know, she’ll know that you know.”

One of the most comfortable parts of friendship with Rose, you’ve found, is that she never asks you to clarify what the fuck you’re talking about. Either she just lets you ramble, or she knows exactly what you mean. “Shit,” she hisses, and you can hear rustling on her side of the line, hopefully from her getting ready. She probably has a getaway bag somewhere, you think. You have one, but not on you right now. It’s too late for that.

“They’ve already hit me, so whoever she sent to you can’t be far,” you say. You try to blink your eye open, but then it hurts the other more, and it burns. You can’t even tell where exactly. It just burns. “Hurry up, Lalonde.”

“They’ve hit you?” she echoes, still rustling, breathing into the phone. On the move. Good. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you say. “Gonna call an ambulance after this. Just get the fuck out and text me later, yeah?”

Rose pauses. You can hear her pause, you can hear everything go very silent for a second. She says, “You called me before you called for help?”

“Yeah,” you say. She told you, once, that there is a quick and easy way out the window of her second-storey dorm room, that lets her balance over to her girlfriend’s room only a few windows ahead. She can’t hide there, it’s too close, but it’s a start. She’ll figure it out, she always will. She was the first person to ever have your back. “Of course I did.”

On a plane, Thursday morning

“What’s on your mind?” Rose asks.

You’re leaned back, staring out the window, listening to the clicking of her knitting needles next to you. The pilot here doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, just that he is flying two rich people and their car to Washington, DC. Your Mustang is in the cargo part of the plane, a vital part of the plan. You’ll torch it later. It was the first car you bought with your own money, after SBaHJ had become big and you had finally paid off your hospital debt.

Rose’s apartment isn’t that old, she got it after Roxy was born and she decided to move to Los Angeles, so you could help each other babysit. Trashing it still felt wrong. A home is a home, but you wanted it to look broken into, to make sure that people put two and two together. This isn’t a Dave Strider marketing scheme, you both got hit. After all the work that you’ve done, at least some of the public should understand what that means.

“Us,” you say.

“That’s very sentimental,” she says. “Are you sure you aren’t mourning your car again?”

“Shut up,” you say, and blindly swat at her, hitting her elbow. She hits you back, hand slapping your shoulder. “It’s a good car.”

Rose hums. When you look at her, she’s already back to knitting. You have no idea what she’s making, but it looks like a onesie for an octopus. “We will be fine,” she says. “We have to.”

You nod, and go back to staring out the window, thinking about what Alma said. “It’s just,” you say quietly. “We gotta start thinking about the endgame, here, don’t we.”

“Start?” Rose echoes. “Dave, we know the endgame to this. We’ve known for a while. The second you landed in the hospital with a cut inside your eyeball, you and I both knew that this would end in death.”

You don’t say anything. She’s right, of course she is. You knew then, and she knew, as soon as you texted her from your hospital bed, and she texted you back from a Greyhound bus. And you tried to forget, you both did, for a very long time. You almost managed, for a whole decade, until last year, someone made you scared and angry enough to ram a sword through his throat. Until Rose came and disassembled the body on your rooftop, and then helped you burn it. Reality has caught up with you, and someone is going to die.

The clicking of her needles has stopped again. You turn your head to look at her, and she’s looking back at you, and her face seems younger than it should be. She is just as scared as you are. Neither of you ever wanted it to go this far. Neither of you wanted to kill.

“I don’t like it either,” Rose says. “But someone is going to wind up dead, and it sure as shit isn’t gonna be us.”

Washington, DC, now

)(IC: u comin or what TG: yeah about that

You’re on the hood of your car. The children -- and Sally, John’s pet hedgehog -- are with the one sitter you still trust. Rose is in position, which means she is at a remote location outside the city holding Guy Fieri hostage. She has sent you a picture of him tied to a chair and gagged, which means that it’s go time.

All according to plan.

TG: how about you come kill me somewhere else instead of home sweet home )(IC: why would i do that TG: dying mans last request? )(IC: stfu lol this is so obviously a trap TG: wow ok so is yours )(IC: fair TG: just thought that you know TG: john means something to both of us and dont try to tell me no because i know he does TG: so like can we maybe duke it out somewhere where i wont accidentally blow him to smithereens TG: innuendo intended )(IC: UG)( )(IC: gross TG: lmao TG: anyway bethany you know me and you know im comin with c4 in my backpack if im comin TG: do you really want that around your son or can you just get off your ass and meet me here so john stays safe )(IC: u reely think ya have a fighting chance to even get that far )(IC: buoy you set one foot in my house and ya get spearfished TG: yeah not really making a great point for me to come there rn TG: just thought maybe youd wanna be with your guy guy )(IC: who TG: you know TG: guy the guy )(IC: tf

You text her the picture that Rose sent, just Guy Fieri looking miserable, no indication of whether or not you or Rose are with him.

)(IC: )(-EY )(IC: motherglubber what do u think yoar doin TG: yoar??? TG: thats literally not a word. wym you oar?? what TG: anyway im gonna dismember this asshole if you dont agree to keep john safe and come here and im gonna start with the frosted tips )(IC: FIN--E )(IC: cant effin wait to be done with you )(IC: ill come krill ya if its so shrimportant just gimme the location TG: ok shrimportant is actually pretty funny TG: [coordinates] TG: see you soon

She drives a fuchsia Jaguar that looks like Xzibit threw up all over it, because of course she does. You watch it leave from your perch on your Mustang, then slide off the hood. shes gone, you text Rose. get ready to bounce

Before you leave, you turn back toward you car, and gently pat the roof. “See you soon,” you repeat, “for one last ride.”

Look, it’s a good car, alright.

Later on in the plan, once you’ve convinced John to come with you, and Rose has joined you in the no doubt brutal course out of the house littered with security guards, the three of you will pack into this car, and you will drive. You will be tailed, you know you will. Rose and you estimate two to three SUVs with more security personnel that will follow you, and sooner or later, you won’t stand a chance against them.

So, you’ll call the cops. You don’t usually do this -- even during all these years, neither you nor Crocker ever called the police on each other, and technically, you still won’t, today. You will just anonymously call authorities, and tell them about a burning car by the side of the road. Then you will hang up, and you and Rose and John will hop out of a moving vehicle as you crash your beloved Mustang and have it go up in flames. Authorities will come and find Dave Strider’s infamous car, and hopefully that’ll get people talking.

Crocker’s guys will hopefully exit their cars and go looking for you, or at least for John. It’s an easy con from there -- while they look, you will steal their SUVs and drive off toward your safehouses. Simple. No sweat.

“This better work,” you mutter to yourself, then leave your car behind and start climbing the fence around Crocker manor.

You’ve been here once before, while she was out and John was showing you around. You weren’t actively trying to case the place back then, just spending time with your boyfriend and checking out where he grew up, but you couldn’t help how curious you were. You still remember the most important spots, and you did your best to paint a proper picture of them to Rose (you drew a map in MS Paint), so now you have a pretty good idea of where you need to go.

The guard posts, of course, are randomized. You’ll have to take these as they come, and you feel prepared enough, with just your sword and a handful of knives. You’re wearing the kevlar you wore to the Oscars. You’re gonna be fine.

It’s a race against time now, knowing that there is no guarantee when Crocker will be catching on and returning to her house, and knowing that you stand no chance actually fighting her face to face. You climbed in toward the side of the house, because it’s the shortest distance between fence and wall. The front and back yards are ridiculously huge and opulent, and while you would have plenty of gaudy statues to hide behind, you’re not looking to make your way through there.

The first guard spots you right as you hop down off the fence, and your knife is in his shoulder before he even finishes drawing his gun on you. He’s also wearing a vest, but those don’t stop blades, and you take offense in knowing that she made them dress up like that. As if either you or Rose were going to show up with guns. She really doesn’t know you at all. You knock out the guard with a hit of the knife grip against his temple. Maybe you can get through this without deaths.

One of them you comfortably take out from behind a useless fountain placed in this part of the garden for some reason, appreciating how quiet and low-key you can be about it so far. The bigger the ruckus, the sooner she’ll return, so having them all go down in silence is your best case scenario.

It’s the third guard that ruins your track record. You’re almost at the house wall, and you know you’re under the right window, which means all you have to do is scale it and climb right into John’s room, but for that to work you need to have a clean path behind you. Which you don’t, you realize the second a bullet hits your back.

Your vest catches it, but the momentum still knocks you down, and you scrape both of your palms open on the weird break between lawn and pavement. You hate this fucking garden. Who lives like this? You’re gasping for breath and trying not to inhale any grass, dealing with the reality that this is the first time someone has shot at you and actually hit you, and the bullet might not have penetrated skin at all, but Jesus Fucking Christ it still feels awful. Like someone kicked you in the spine, only with a bullet instead of a foot.

Onward. You hear footsteps behind you, and now it’s your turn to kick, hitting them in the face with your boot in the same motion that you’re pushing yourself up from the ground. As they curse and stumble, you draw your sword, but they catch their footing quickly, and you know you only have a split second to act. That gun is pointing at you, again, or still, and they’re going for your head this time, and if you don’t fight now, the journey ends for you here. Someone is going to die, and it sure as shit can’t be you. Your arm darts forward.

The sword goes through their vest, their ribs, and their heart -- you wouldn’t call it smoothly, you really wouldn’t. You can feel resistance with every inch, you feel it right up to your shoulder, and you hate it, and it makes you want to throw up, but you can’t, now. You shove them off your blade and watch them crumple to the ground, and turn right back toward the wall. They are not getting up again. That’s on you, and you can deal with that later. You have to get moving.

Your phone vibrates.

You manage to pull yourself up on a balcony and crouch there, hiding from whatever is going on in the yard now. Other guards must have heard the shot being fired, so you really need to get the fuck out of sight, but this has to do, for now. If Crocker is messaging you, you have to respond, so she doesn’t think you’re in her goddamn garden.

)(IC: yo )(IC: send me proof yoar still with him )(IC: almost there this betta be worth it TG: one sec

As expected. All according to plan, so far. You hope the blood on your sword won’t make the sheath sticky. You’ll have to clean it, later. You don’t want to.

TG: shes asking for proof TG: go ahead. sorry TT: No worries. TT: I know we don’t endorse violence, but honestly, Dawon, after being in a room with him for this long, I am quite happy to do this.

She sends you a picture, and you grimace at your phone. It takes a lot to make you grimace, as a Strider born and raised -- at the same time, you’re not easily shocked or grossed out, but this isn’t great to look at. Fieri’s eye has been pulled from its socket, dangling down his cheek suspended from the nerve, a hole in the eyeball. You hope Crocker won’t be able to tell that this was done with a knitting needle, and forward the photo to her.

TG: hows this )(IC: )(--EY FUCK OFF )(IC: stop i reely like guy 38( TG: yeah well i really like john TG: eye for an eye TG: hurry it up im waiting and theres a second eye to gauge out )(IC: ten minutes )(IC: ur gonna be so sorry buoy

TG: 10 mins TT: On my way.

Okay. Crocker is on her way to a location where there will only be Guy Fieri and a set of elaborate boobytraps which you know won’t kill her, but hopefully slow her down. Rose is on her way here, to help you and John get out of here. That’s plenty of time you still have. Things are going suspiciously well, you think, before you remember the ache in your back and the fact that you killed someone.

You have to get to John.

He’s another two floors up, but you are right in front of a balcony door. For a second, you wonder if you could get into the house from here and do the rest from inside, so you don’t present yourself to the mob of people with guns in the garden. Unfortunately, before you can do that, another person with a gun appears on the other side of that door, mouths an angry what the fuck at you, and draws an assault rifle. Alright, well.

The thing that has mostly kept you from becoming too violent in the past is the fact that you’re fast, and you’re a great climber, so when you hop backward onto the banister of the balcony and pull yourself up to the next one above you, it happens so fast that nobody in the garden reacts. It’s after you’re already crouching behind the balcony, thankfully made of robust concrete, that the shots start hitting it. You do nothing, count the bullets, wait for them to get rid of half of their magazines down there. Then you pull a knife, peek over the balcony, and throw it right into someone’s bicep.

More shots. More ducking and counting. You have two more knives to throw, and you do, rinse and repeat. The people down there are very angry with you now, and very much still able to shoot, but you figure at least their aim will be off, and they’ll be slower. You hope. You haven’t held a gun yourself in fucking forever.

You take a breath, and jump up to grab the balcony you know belongs to John.

As soon as you’re in the open, another bullet hits your back, further toward your side this time, and you almost let go. You let out an undignified noise instead, and hold on harder, focusing all you have into your arms to pull yourself up. Shots are ringing in your ears, and one hits the concrete right next to your head at almost the same time that another one grazes your leg. You hiss in pain, grunt in exertion, pull, pull, and roll yourself onto John’s balcony.

Someone in the garden yells, “Motherfucker!”

You sit, curled up, and pull apart the tear in your pants with your aching fingers to check the wound. It’s not deep, certainly not as bad as the chunk of missing flesh you have in your arm from being shot at last year. It’s fine. You’ll forget about it in a second, when your newest problem will be telling your amnesiac boyfriend that he needs to come with you.

You pull yourself up into a crouch, not more. You don’t want to risk getting shot in the head as you finally face him, so you just do it like this. Hunkered down, disheveled and bloody, you lean forward and knock on John’s window.

[mercifuldeaths]

The Heat that Drives the Light

Michael Langdon x Reader

Summary: Michael hasn’t been himself having to literally carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Because Michael hasn’t been okay, you haven’t been either. 

Notes: Just a blurb that got out of hand. Was originally supposed to be really smutty and about distracting Michael while he worked...but this came out of that. I think it’s a little more interesting to take down the walls that Outpost!Michael puts up and get a little more into his psyche. Sorry it’s a bit sad and not smutty at all, but I hope you enjoy, nonetheless. 

Warnings: Sad cockwarming. Because apparently I’ve made that a thing. 

Word Count: 3K

Credit to @yourkingcodyfern​ for the beautiful gif.

Being underground was suffocating. The walls closing in, high ceilings not doing enough to clear the air and you felt the dust settling in your lungs. Outpost Three had become something strange to you. Having spent happier times there with Michael when things were simpler placed fond memories in certain corners where he had hiked up your skirt or placed little nips on your neck. But now, it reeked of desolation.

Sure, there were the Sanctuary candidates, but did they really matter? Gone were the warlocks that Michael had called his friends, his teachers, your mentors. All that remained were the near-empty hallways. Modified victorian dress rather than the Hawthorne uniform you liked to remember Michael wearing, his hair still short, and eyes still bright.

He had hit something of a wall. After traveling to all the outposts, each of them overrun, each failing his father a little more, Michael started to turn inwards-even to you. You knew it wasn’t you nor him. It was the stress, because that’s all he could be described as of late. He hid it well, you admitted. Perfectly coiffed hair, tailored suits, and a cocky grin on his lips all made up for the man you knew was crumbling under the facade. The crushing guilt he felt for not carrying out his father’s plan to perfection.

It really wasn’t that bad...it was just one of those nights. A night where Michael was overwhelmed and working himself into the ground. He had been sat at the desk in what was his former dormitory when he was a student. He opted to take that one, refusing another Outpost guest to take ownership over it. Sentiment, you supposed.

Regardless, he sat there since dawn, or what you imagined was dawn as it was impossible to tell in the claustrophobic bunker. He had refused meals, even offering something from the stash you both had packed from the Sanctuary, and only accepted coffee. Just something to keep him going. You knew this wasn’t how he had intended to spend the day. He was dressed in his usual tailored shirts and jacket, ready to face the guests. But he hadn’t stepped outside the bedroom. And on days like that, he usually would stay in his sweatpants, hair tied in a bun, and shun the world from seeing him like that. Vulnerable. Out of his armor.

He was growing distant. Again, not at his fault and probably rooted in your natural insecurity of the relationship. It wasn’t easy being the partner of the Antichrist.

You continued to roam the halls, anything to do at this point ,having read all the interesting books in the Hawthorne library ages ago. The other guests of the Outpost were asleep, mandated by Venable’s strict schedule. She knew better than to say anything to you.

Your shoes clicked on the polished marble of the floor, almost comforting you. You felt less alone, in a sense. The sealed corridor that lead to the room Michael performed his rituals in was slightly pushed in, reminding you that maybe he had started one. That’s really all he did. Work from his computer, work with the other Cooperative higher-ups, and work for his father under the guise of asking for help. You knew better than that.

It was maybe the third time you had to pick Michael up off the floor, blood still painting his skin and the floor around him, you asked him to stop. He had passed out. Weak from blood loss, dehydration, probably malnutrition. You begged him to slow down, to take a break. He couldn’t. He literally had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

You could tell it was getting to that point again, because it did ebb and flow depending on the state of the world, the outposts, the competency of the Cooperative that week. It was understandable. Outpost Three was a success in some ways. But others, a massive failure. Nobody was making it to the Sanctuary. He had closed the book on every person left in the world. Made his final cuts, and was now weighing the decisions heavily in his mind. It was extremely successful because it was still standing, almost everyone alive. And then there was that Mallory he was trying to figure out-sitting on his knees, blood pooling as he screamed for help, screamed for answers. You weren’t sure if he was actually asking his father for help or just needed to scream his frustrations. There was a feeling sometimes that Satan had given up on him, left him here to flounder until everyone on the earth, including Michael, was gone-given into the fire and disease around them.

With really nothing else to do, and nobody to talk to, you meandered back to Michael’s room. Even if you shared it during your stay at the Outpost, it would always stay as Michael’s dormitory in the back of your mind.

You took the long way. Passing by your secret corners, the library shelves you’d hide behind, the kitchens where midnight snacks were shared...anything to remind you of the Michael that stole your heart and soul.

You sighed before opening the door, not bothering to knock as he had probably already heard you. Preparing yourself for the image of your overworked Michael, a sight that saddened you just a little, you opened the heavy door.

As you expected, he was sat there, typing away on his laptop. The blue light of the screen cast ghoul like shadows on his features, reminding you of the demon’s face you had only borne witness to once. That with the warm light coming from the candles and fireplace set Michael in a strange light. Regardless, it accentuated the stress hiding in his shoulders, between his brows, his tightened lips.

He didn’t look up, but did spare a, “Hi, my dove,” as you headed over to the bed. Changing course, you decided to walk over to him, your Antichrist who seemed so small lately. Feeling a little selfish, you ran your fingers through his hair, something you knew would distract him but also something you needed.

It had taken a toll on you, the only person you really trusted, to abandon you, in a sense. You just wanted to feel him. Touch him. And judging by the way his typing slowed and he leaned into it, you suspected he needed the same. His eyes closed lazily, sleepily, as he rested his cheek against your palm. You rubbed soothing circles into his cheekbone, admiring the beautiful face that was hidden under the layers of stress, under the pressure put on him. When he was himself, his face was soft-no tension, pure radiance. Eyes not shooting daggers, no snarling lip, venom in his voice. Just a man who was forced to grow up too fast, thrown the world to carry, and nobody to help him hold it.

You’d said it a million times to him, but it didn’t stop you from muttering a small, “You work too hard, Michael,” while still stroking his soft hair.

“I know,” came the familiar reply, voice hoarse from lack of use.

“But you have to,” you said before he could. You knew the script by then.

“...But I have to,” he echoed, typing stopped for a moment, his hand coming to meet yours that had somehow settled over his chest. “I know I’ve been….absent lately. You know I don’t want to be doing this, right? I didn’t know it would be like this.” He looked to you, bloodshot eyes starting to tear. Before any could fall, she shook his head to refocus and let his eyes look over to the small collection of empty mugs that covered the desk, so very unlike Michael’s usually neat freakish tendencies. He picked one up, dark, cold coffee sat at the bottom, obviously abandoned quite a while ago. He knocked it back, grimacing at the too strong, bitter grinds that had made it into the cup. You saw his hand shake, just the slightest amount.

“Maybe no more of that.” You took the mug from him and replaced it on the desk, further from the others and his collection of files. “Come to bed, it’s late.”

He hesitated and you already knew the answer. “I just need to finish this. Then I can sleep.” He nodded, almost trying to convince himself that he’d be sleeping next to you soon enough. “In a few minutes… get in bed and I’ll meet you.”

He tried to smile. It wasn’t like he was unaware of what he was doing to you. He saw the way your heart seemed to break a little more each time he had to choose work over you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You weren’t in his plan. His nor Satan’s. Michael knew deep down that he was never supposed to fall for anyone-he hadn’t the time.

But had happened. And you were his.

He wouldn’t change it for anything.

“I’m not sleeping without you tonight,” you mumbled, leaning over him from behind and gently kissing his neck. Just a small motivation to get him to relax, just a little. You untied the messy bun his hair had been pulled into, loving the way it fell to his shoulders and framed his face against the contrasting lights.

His eyes remained unfocused, looking away in guilt. He wanted you. It wasn’t that he didn’t want you. It was that there wasn’t enough time and for all his planning everything remained a failure. He supposed that maybe he deserved this as punishment. Working every day, nonstop, while his love was there and waiting for him. A sick mockery of Hell itself. Michael suspected that it was his father’s doing. Allowed to remain living as a reward for bringing the end times but punishment for not doing it well enough.

“I’m so-sorry,” he choked out, voice still rough and cracking.

Coming around to stand in front of him, you tilted his head up to look at you. No more words were needed as you leaned down to place a gentle kiss to his full lips. You felt a sigh come from him, a small amount of tension leaving. He couldn’t help but move against you, hands reaching to your waist, your cheek, anywhere. He needed to feel you. Feel how you moved, breathed, radiated energy. Just to feel something living and breathing in this cold, dead world he had created.

Before even thinking, processing that he was still busy, you slipped off the dressing gown you had on as coverage as you meandered Hawthorne earlier. Michael settled his hands on your hips, thumbs tracing small circles as you stood before him, in between his spread legs and his desk. He leaned in, lips and tongue tracing your stomach and sides. Unable to stop himself, he pulled you in, arms wrapping around tight, until you were settled straddling his lap.

You continued the open but small kisses to his neck. Unbuttoning his shirt, you slid it down his shoulders, knowing full well that he wouldn’t fully undress but needing to feel his warmth against your cheek as you rested on his shoulder. He was hardening under your ministrations but that really wasn’t your intention as you just needed to feel him. Not even sexually. Just as another person. His warmth. The rise and fall of his chest, his breath.

Knowing you were causing just another distraction in his already busy life, you stopped your small movements but couldn’t find it in you to climb off, reveling in the sensation of him against you. He felt the same. Your weight on him a reassuring presence that maybe he wasn’t as alone as the thought.

Taking a moment from the small bites he was leaving on your shoulder, he looked past you, eyes settling on the open laptop. You felt him sign under you, already defeated. His hands hesitated over your hips, refraining from grabbing you like he wanted to.

“Michael. Look at me,” you whispered, the room only full of the sounds from the crackling fire. Your thumb traced over his cheekbone, eyes pleading for him to just relax for even a moment. “Please…”

He couldn’t, ashamed that he’s let it get this far. Let himself get so caught up in work that you were neglected...that he, himself, was feeling neglected. He sighed, eyes still downcast. “I have to. I know we’re both feeli-”

“You can keep working. I know how important this is. I just wish you would let me help you relax a little.”

“I miss you.” The confession dropped from his lips. Despite spending every day, almost all day, at his side you missed him, too. Even when you were sitting beside one another, laying in bed, even occasionally while intimate...he felt miles away.

“You don’t have to miss me anymore. I’m right here.” You resumed placing small kisses onto his temple, jawline, all the places that made his eyes flutter shut and heart full. His hardness still pressed into you and you reached to cup him through his tailored trousers.

“Y/N….not tonight,” he choked out, looking broken.

“No. I don’t want you to fuck me, I just need to be close to you. I need you.”

Michael nodded slowly, recognition setting in. He allowed you to remove him from his confines, breath already coming faster now that your hand was gripped around his length.

“I need you, too. Please. I need to be in you,” he murmured against your lips, sounding more desperate than he cared to admit. You nodded in response, noses brushing innocently, and placed another kiss behind his ear, over the mark of the Beast. The very thing that defined him, made him what he was, who he was. The reason he was this overworked shell of himself. You couldn't help but still love every part of him.

Not completely free of bad intentions, you pressed yourself against him so he could feel the slick heat of your core against himself. Michael let out a soft moan, his mouth occupied toying with your nipple. You felt him shiver under you and tingles resonate up your spine. As much as you wanted to, it wasn’t the time to play cruel to your Antichrist.

It didn’t take long for you to line yourself up to him and before you could do anything, Michael’s steady hands gripping your waist forced you slowly downward onto him. Once fully seated on him, the two of you let out contented sighs. His head rolled back and your hand instinctively went to catch it, supporting his neck. You took the opportunity to nip on his full bottom lip, but smiles bloomed over both of your faces. Finally home.

“You...still need to work.” The spell remained unbroken, however. He nodded reluctantly, head now resting on your front.

“I know,” he resigned and you felt his hands leave your body, cold rushing in where his touch left. It was mere seconds later you heard the quick taps of his nimble fingers over the keyboard, the shuffle of paper.

It was irrelevant. Everything was except the warmth you felt radiating from him, the stretch of your cunt around him, his body inside yours. Physically as close as two people can be. Emotionally...you were getting back there, you could feel it.

He showed it in small ways. A small kiss to your palm when you’d graze a hand over the velvet of his jacket, the softening of his eyes from across the room when dealing with Cooperative business or reprimanding Outpost inhabitants. It was there and always would be. You knew the shroud was lifting and it would be back to hiding in the corridors of Hawthorne, his laugh radiating and a perfect match for his boyish grin.

One of his hands removed itself from the keyboard to caress down your spine and settled at the base, warm and firm. You breaths matched, each sigh shifting him inside you, hitting a new angle, making you feel even closer than before.

The keyboard clicks continued, slower due to the fact the one of his hands was stroking the soft skin at your hip. Michael’s shoulders dropped a fraction when you placed your head on his shoulder, nose brushing the sensitive spot under his jaw. His eyes lowered, breath softened.

Over the course of the minutes, he would occasionally drop a kiss onto your shoulder, soft and awfully chaste considering the fact that he was buried in you. But it wasn’t about that, that evening. It was about Michael and who he was and his breath and movement and reminding him that maybe things weren’t so bad in the godforsaken hellscape he was responsible for. That there was still some good left, despite the original goal to strip humanity of that.

And he knew it. He felt it from you. The undying love that you held for him and he could only be reminded that there was good left. And that he loved you, the same.

The typing continued even after Michael dropped a cheek to your shoulder, head tilted, as he somehow continued working through his drooping eyelids.

“Mmmmmm,” he mumbled into your skin, exhausted.

“I know.” He didn’t need to speak, you already knew what he was trying to say.

His other hand settled on the back of your neck, the only sound being the crackling fire and candles. You shivered and he pulled you in, bodies still connected.

“Michael,” you whispered, going to suggest that maybe you two go to bed, but the small shake of his head told you that he’d rather stay put.

His breathing evened out, face still resting on your shoulder. All his muscles relaxed into your touch. Finally at ease.

Your fingers threaded through his hair and you considered waking him to move to bed...but you were comfortable too. Warm and finally feeling a little more complete with him inside you. Perhaps closing your eyes for just a few minutes couldn’t hurt.

Tags: @ccodyfern @langdonsinferno @langdonsrapture​ @starwlkers​ @michael-langdon-appreciation​ @babypinkstyles94​ @i-will-die-for-jim-mason​ @langdonalien​ @katiekitty261​ @duncvn​ @wroteclassicaly​ @lvngdvns​ @aveiangdon​ @americanhorrorstudies​ @sojournmichael​ @1-800-bitchcraft​ @nana15774​ @langdonsdemon​ @michael-langdon-owns-my-soul​

[sollea]

Kingdom Hearts Mermaids AU Characters: Lea, Isa, Sora, Riku Relationship: LeaIsa, (non-mentioned) SoRiKai Word Count: 1583

Note: I’m gonna be doing more of this AU, keep an eye out. I have a lot planned. Lea + Isa picture here. Other mermaid information here. I’m reposting to try to get this into the search because for some reason the first try wasn’t.

“Hey, Isa, you remember that time I almost killed you?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, Lea. You do that regularly.”

Lea rolled his eyes and swam up and above Isa, reaching down and dangling his arms in front of his best friend as they swam together. He silently recalled when he had to be more careful around Isa, glad for that time being over. “Nah, you know what I mean. I’ve never actually almost killed you.”

“Didn’t you just ask about the time you did?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.”

“I need you to think for a second, just a second. Why would I forget one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had?” Isa paused his swimming and let Lea circle back so he could still be talking to Isa while looking down from above.

“I was kinda hoping you’d still be unwilling to say it like that, but you’re right. I was just thinking about how glad I am that I can touch you now.”

Isa reached up to prick his finger against one of Lea’s spines, it barely felt like anything after years of getting used to it.“It’s been ages, aren’t you used to being able to touch me without being incredibly careful by now?”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me happy.”

Isa laughed and looked up at Lea, reaching up and cupping his face to make sure they locked eyes. He couldn’t deny Lea being so outwardly sentimental was something he loved about him. “What was your point, Lea? Did you have one or did you just want to be a dork?”

Lea moved his hand over Isa’s and smiled. “I’m just thinking about it. I was really scared you weren’t going to be my friend anymore because of that and here we are, you’re in love with me and-”

“Don’t know who said that.”

“And I love you.”

“As you should.”

“You refused to let me know you were hurting that bad, you were really strong. You’re always so strong. I just love you.”

“Sappy. Is something going on?”

“No. I really was just thinking about how nice it is to not have that happen anymore. No poisoning my friend with hugs. Now I just bother my boyfriend by being clingy.”

“Sounds like you’ve had a couple changes, then. Why are we just talking about the almost killing me part of the story?”

“Because I’m trying to get to a point.”

“You said you didn’t have one.”

“Ugh! Just stop making fun of me for two seconds. You’re obnoxious.”

“Oh? Am I really the obnoxious one?”

“Yes! Why do I even like you?”

“I’m told you’re in love.”

“Wish I wasn’t in love with someone so mean to me.”

“I’m not mean to you. I could be. Do you want me to be mean to you?”

“No. Isa.”

“Then you know I’m being as nice as I can be?”

“Isa, can you just shut up and let me talk?”

“Hah, you think I’m able to keep you from talking? You?”

“Alright, shut up.”

“Really rude to keep saying that.” Moving up in the water to press his lips to Lea’s for a moment, Isa laughed. “You like hearing me talk. You enjoy my voice.”

“If you’d let me get to my point, Isa.” He left emphasis on the second syllable as he waited to be interrupted. When there was no interruption, he sighed. “I’ve been thinking about that because of how many things we still do come from not being able to touch you. When you kiss me outside of saying hey, it makes me remember watching Aeleus help you into the castle when I hugged you. Y’know, that should’ve had you paralyzed?”

“Yes, I’m aware. Are we really going over some backstory? Can’t we just continue this swim, head up to the beach, and relax there while it’s empty?”

“Am I not allowed to talk to my best friend anymore?”

“You are, but your boyfriend is getting impatient.”

“Then tell him to stop being an asshole.”

“He’s not about to listen, he’s just as stubborn as you are. Now, seriously, come on. There’s nothing we can’t talk about while relaxing somewhere even just a little safer than open ocean between islands.”

“Fine.”

“And I bet you don’t remember what your point was anyways.”

“I just told you what it was.”

“Oh? Was that it?”

“I hate you.”

Isa laughed and rolled his eyes, deciding to let that empty statement stand, returning to the other part of what he’d been saying. “We wouldn’t be between islands if you just remembered where we were going.”

“You could’ve told me I was swimming the wrong way.”

“You’re almost always ahead of me. It’s your fault for going so far so fast.”

“You could’ve noticed.”

“Excuse me for trusting the one who decided to take the lead.”

“You weren’t even trusting me, I know you better than that.”

“Fine, I was laughing at you for going the wrong way, but we didn’t run into any humans with nets, so it’s fine.”

“If that’s your metric, then, yeah, I guess. You sure you’re going to be fine doing your job when we get back?”

“If I’m too tired for the day, the world won’t fall apart if I don’t go in.”

“But you will.”

“Yes, I will. Of course I will. You will too.”

“Nah, I’m gonna skip out. Be irresponsible and sleep all day. Place won’t fall apart without me.”

Isa rolled his eyes and wrapped his hands around Lea’s wrists carefully, webbing between his fingers getting in the way of a full and comfortable grasp. He wasn’t going to say it aloud, but he really did want to just sit on the beach with Lea and look up at the moon until they were too dry to stay on land. “Lea, start moving, I want to get home eventually, but the moon is full tonight.”

“You’re the one who stopped?”

Isa didn’t respond to Lea and instead opted to swimming forward with a small tug of Lea’s arms before letting go to continue swimming. He could be much faster when he wanted to be, a tuna tail was much better suited to going quickly than anyone who had only met Isa alone would be led to believe. Lea had to fight to keep up with Isa.

“Hey, Isa, slow down.”

“You can keep up, I believe in you.”

“Why am I dating you?”

“Why am I dating someone so slow?”

“Ugh! Fine. I don’t want to race, though, so slow down a little bit?”

Isa fell back, swimming at Lea’s pace and bumping their hips together. Lea still had the tendency to be careful around other people, despite Isa being all but completely immune to his sting because of the constant exposure. Isa had no such care. Lea responded to the bump by wrapping his tail around Isa’s, taking a position most used for comfortable relaxing while not moving.

“You really don’t want to let me see the moon above the water tonight, do you?”

“We’re still moving. You know how to pull me around, I know you do.”

“You’re lucky your tail isn’t as short as your dad’s is.”

“And you’re not. Pull me along.”

“Don’t be lazy.”

“Too late. I’m comfortable. And I know you can do this for a significantly longer time.”

Isa just sighed, shaking his head at Lea’s dorky actions. He loved Lea a great deal, but sometimes it was difficult… this was not one of those times, Isa found, as he glanced back to look at Lea’s smirk.

They didn’t have that far to go, so the rest of their swim was in silence. They pulled themselves onto the deserted beach carefully and hacked the water up out of their lungs.

As soon as they were comfortably on the beach and breathing air, Lea flopped backwards into the sand and groaned. “I will never be used to that.”

“What?”

“Having to cough up that much water.”

“You’ll never get used to anything different than your first two years alive, will you?”

“Oh, shut up. You wanted to lay here and talk and look at the moon, so lay down with me.”

Isa rolled his eyes and laid down next to Lea, holding his arm out so he could be leaned against if Lea decided he wanted to. And of course Lea wanted to.

Just as Lea got comfortable, there was a sound of footsteps that was just too close for comfort. Lea moved away and began to slide back into the water and Isa followed behind him.

They got into the water just as a pair of human children locked eyes with them.

“Wait, no, don’t go!” One of the children called out to the mermaids, reaching his hand out only to have the other grab him and hold him back.

“Sora, leave them alone. Kairi didn’t want to be seen either.”

“Yeah, but… We’re friendly.”

The mermaids stared at the gently arguing children in confusion, slowly backing up in the water so they could have a good distance between them. Where had they picked up this human language?

Suddenly, Lea realized the humans had said a name.

“...Did you say Kairi?” Lea was too curious to continue the act of self preservation Isa was still anxious to do, but not without Lea. He knew that and he could see Isa ready to bolt, but he needed to know.

[chockfullofsecrets]

Class 1-A vs. Tickle Might: Part 2

Rating: Gen

Summary: ...title is really the best explanation I can offer

Word Count: ~3.2k

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who’s reading these and leaving me feedback, and to @gigglingknight for proofreading :) This brings us to nine students down and... quite a few still to go. Let me know what you think!

 <<Part 1 :: Part 2.5>>

While it was difficult to track a villain through a crowded city, there was usually some kind of trail to follow: explosions, destruction, screaming. Things became even easier when the villain was running to something –an exit, perhaps.

However, this exercise required All Might to track down twenty teenagers that were trying their absolute hardest to hide and wait him out. He was going to need a little more than just his observational skills.

A little more, it turned out, was an app on his phone attached to the training ground’s security cameras – a simple map that showed a red dot in every location where detection algorithms noticed a humanoid form. Cheating, perhaps, but he and Aizawa had agreed that it might be necessary.

He fished the device out of a pocket on his skintight suit, squinting at the tiny screen. Several dots in his vicinity, and – ah, five or six of them clustered together in the same building. Definitely a good place to start the next phase of his attack.

The mockup of an office building was windowless, pale concrete glittering in the daylight. Starting on the first floor and working his way up was the obvious plan; anyone on the higher floors would be trapped unless they could sneak past him.

He momentarily considered entering through the front door, then remembered that he was playing a villain and knocked his way through a wall instead. “I AM HERE, READY TO CONQUER MY OPPONENTS!”

The room was empty save young Ojiro, who backpedaled frantically as one of All Might’s hands came perilously close to grabbing him. The boy skidded to a stop in the opposite corner, feet planting firmly as his arms came up in a defensive stance.

All Might crossed his arms and stared him down. “Young Ojiro! I’m glad I found you!” he boomed cheerily, then winced as the look in his student’s eyes teetered on the edge of outright panic. “That’s an excellent stance!” he complimented, a little softer.

Ojiro blinked at him. “Ah, thanks?”

The boy’s tail twitched as All Might drew closer. He held up a conciliatory hand. “Just taking a closer look. Feet turned to avoid any buffeting from the front, yet positioned to spring easily to either side, tail used as a counterweight… it appears very sturdy!”

He grinned as Ojiro flushed a little under his praise, still watching warily for a potential attack. “Uh… are we going to…”

“Fight? Only if you don’t wish to surrender first, young hero.”

Ojiro shifted his feet, smiling a little. “I’ll take my chances!”

All Might feinted forwards, expecting a sideways dodge. Instead, Ojiro dropped straight to the ground. Rolling forwards, he wrapped his tail around All Might’s leg and tugged. The hero tumbled backwards, but with his quick reflexes he clapped his legs together and trapped Ojiro’s tail between them.

Now they were both on the floor. Ojiro made a swift move towards the pressure point on All Might’s left knee, but his wrist was quickly caught in his opponent’s massive grip.

“Young hero, it’s very unwise to get tangled up with someone who has a longer reach,” he tutted. For example, I could do this!” He reached out, barely stretching his free arm, and scampered his fingers up Ojiro’s vulnerable ribcage.

The boy snickered, eyes widening. “W-wait… this is…”

“You see,” he continued, drilling his finger into the soft side within his reach and watching triumphantly as Ojiro was overtaken by giggles, “I have some knowledge of pressure points too.”

Ojiro squirmed like an eel as he tried frantically to separate himself from All Might, his free hand slapping at the ground. The room was filled with his laughter, rebounding off the concrete walls, but – there. Another giggle, much higher pitched.

All Might raised his head and looked around. Nobody. “I take it we have a certain invisible student with us?”

The higher-pitched giggling stopped. Ojiro, whose side was still being mercilessly tickled, choked out, “Tooru! Yohohou were s-supposed to attack stehehealthily!”

“Sorry, sorry, the two of you just look funny! I’m helping!”

A pair of invisible hands started to pry All Might’s right hand off Ojiro’s wrist finger by finger. “The other hand, Tooru!” Ojiro pleaded, still trying to worm away from the invading digits of his left.

“I need both hands for this,” she chirped. “C’mon, you can hold out for a bit longer. A little laughing never hurt anyone!”

“It tihihickles!”

“Okay, okay!” Something smacked against All Might’s other hand – Hagakure’s foot, most likely. “Don’t be mean, sensei! Shoo!”

He laughed, pausing his attack to wrap his hand around her ankle. “A noble sentiment, young hero, but you’ve put yourself in danger now!”

“No!” It was chaos for a few seconds – Hagakure trying to pry her leg free, Ojiro giving a mighty tug with his captured tail. He wouldn’t be able to contain both of them this way.

Hagakure was the more valuable target; she didn’t show up on any of the cameras and would be much harder to find if he let her go now. He released Ojiro and rolled to his knees, casting a hand in front of him to find the girl’s waist and pull her down. Ojiro, gasping, pulled his tail free and climbed to his feet, stumbling for the exit. “Tooru, let’s run!”

“Ojiro, help!” Hagakure yelped, facedown on the floor. “He got me!”

The boy wavered for a moment, still in range for an attack, then turned back to the door. “I’ll get help from the others upstairs; just hold on!”

His indecision would cost him. All Might managed to pin Hagakure with a knee pressed gently into the small of her back, and, both hands free, grabbed Ojiro’s tail and sent him sprawling with a decisive pull. “Hah! Two heroes captured!”

“And no hands to tickle them with, villain,” Ojiro growled, bending double and latching onto All Might’s free arm. “Gotcha!”

“I’m willing to work with what I have!” proclaimed All Might, turning to Hagakure and dragging Ojiro with him.

“Wait, wait! Not that!” Hagakure squeaked. Evidently she had her head turned to watch the both of them, and as the tuft of Ojiro’s tail drew closer to her she knew what was coming.

Squealing, loud and unrestrained, filled the room as All Might lightly dusted the end of Ojiro’s tail over Hagakure’s unprotected back and sides. “Nohoho! Go away, go away!”

“Sorry,” Ojiro called, laughing despite himself. “Didn’t you say a little laughing was okay?”

“Shut uhuhup! Why is your tahail so soft!”

At that affront, Ojiro reached out to tweak her side. “Don’t be mean!”

“Ahahaha! Not both of you! I surrender!” she squawked. All Might lifted his knee to let her get away, but they could both still hear her heaving for breath. “Ha… man, this exercise is different than I thought.”

“A valiant effort nonetheless, young Hagakure!” he praised. “Your stealth makes it nearly impossible to attack when you’re not forced to engage with your opponent.”

Footsteps crossed the room, and Hagakure’s shoes and gloves appeared from behind a corner. “Thank you, sensei!” She started to put them on. “That was kind of fun! I didn’t know Ojiro’s tail could tickle that bad!”

“Neither did I, my girl! A lucky occurrence on my part.” He turned suddenly to the owner of said tail, still clinging to his arm. “Now, what shall I do with you?”

Ojiro was already grinning nervously as his friend skipped over. “Try his tail, All Might-sensei! Kaminari messes with it in class sometimes, and he always freaks out!”

“Tooru, come on!” Ojiro protested.

“You didn’t save me!” she retorted, gloves on hips. “Actually, you were helping him!”

“Hah, a rivalry!” All Might grinned. “My girl, would you care to demonstrate?”

Hagakure took hold of a struggling Ojiro’s tail, gloved fingers scratching lightly into the tuft of hair at the end. “You’d expect that it would feel good, like when you get your head scratched, but I think it just tickles him a lot!”

“And what do you think, young Ojiro?”

Ojiro didn’t answer, but his collapse into helpless cackling proved her theory correct. She let her teacher take over, helpfully rubbing her friend’s shivering back as he laughed himself silly. By the time he called for mercy, there were tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.  

They helped him sit up. “You’re both… so mean…” he panted.

“Don’t you feel less stressed now that you don’t have to worry about All Might-sensei destroying you in combat, though?” Hagakure asked.

“Heh, I guess so.” Ojiro ran his sleeve across his face. “Thanks for not killing us!”

All Might chuckled. “You’re welcome, my boy. Go to the exit, you two, and enjoy your summer break!”

They left through the hole in the wall; he headed for the stairwell, sure that some of his students were still in the building.

He wasn’t expecting to find four of them right there in the hallway.

Sero, Aoyama, Shoji, and Tokoyami were all rooted to the ground in the dimly lit corridor, apparently halfway though a rushed evacuation. They stared up at him like he’d just melted from the shadows, and in return he graced them with a brightly villainous smile. “Ah, more young heroes. And you’ve even lined yourselves up for me!”

“Merde,” Aoyama hissed, an octave above his already high voice, and that broke the spell.

“Run!” Sero shouted, shoving them all to the door, and the five of them spilled out into the daylight on each other’s heels.

The four boys were still huddled together, backing away from his imposing figure. Sero, in front, looked wildly around. “Aoyama, get out of here! You and Dark Shadow can’t fight in the same space!” When the shiny-surfaced boy failed to move, he slung some tape around his waist and, with a grunt of effort, sent him sailing up to the nearest rooftop.

“Not so fast!” All Might sprang forward to grab the tape-slinging boy – one arm around his waist, the other moving to grab the tape before it could disconnect. Aoyama wailed in surprise as a sharp tug sent him tumbling back down into the fray.

He grinned at them both. “You’re right, young Sero! It’s a definite advantage for me to have Aoyama here. And you really should stop slinging your teammates into the air without any regard for your own safety.” He deftly bound Sero up with the still-dangling length of tape –“don’t get yourself tied in knots, my boy, I’ll be right back for you” – and carried Aoyama with him as he turned to face his two remaining opponents.

Shoji and Tokoyami were running, Dark Shadow unfurled behind them. Even with a wriggling Aoyama hoisted over his shoulder, it took him about five seconds to catch up to them. Dark Shadow squawked an alarm, and the two students spun around. Shoji leaned down, whispering something into his friend’s ear, and Tokoyami nodded sharply in response as he held a hand up. “Dark Shadow, shield us!”

The shadow folded in and around, encasing the two in a bubble of swirling black with two flashing red eyes. “A defensive move, huh?” All Might stopped a few feet in front of the enclosure, lowering Aoyama to the ground. “Young Aoyama, I think we both know what’s going to happen next.”

The boy was hugging himself over his armor, a desperate attempt at protection. “I won’t let you use my amazingly bright twinkling to get to Tokoyami!”

All Might rocked back on his heels, considering. “Well… you could surrender, if you don’t want to take that chance.”

“I don’t want to do that either!”

“In that case…” He wormed a finger into one of the gaps in Aoyama’s ostentatious torso armor, jerking back in surprise as even that slight brush against his belly produced a reluctant squeal and a bolt of blue energy from the boy’s navel laser. “My boy, I don’t think you’re in much of a position to bargain.” Seeing his student’s expression sour in disappointment, he leaned in and patted him gently on the head. “Besides, helping me out wouldn’t be something to regret. Don’t you think that those two could use some more, ah, enthusiasm?”

Aoyama beamed at that. He really was very bright; All Might almost felt the need to squint when confronted with his blinding white teeth. “Of course! Even a failure on my part will bring sparkles to the eyes of my classmates!”

“Exactly! Well, my boy, let’s see just how brightly you can twinkle!” Aoyama’s armor was loose enough to wriggle his fingers underneath, and the mere action of doing so was enough to send him into cascading squeals of laughter while creating his own little light show. “Hm… perhaps a little calibration…” He rolled his student over a little, aiming the random flashes of his laser roughly at Dark Shadow, who began to writhe under the sparkling assault.

The poor shadow disappeared into Tokoyami’s chest with an empty fizzle, and almost immediately Aoyama giggled out his surrender. “Mission… accomplished…” he wheezed into the ground. “Prepare for the sparkle of life to overtake you, Shoji and Tokoyami!”

With one last congratulatory pat to the boy’s head and a reminder to leave the training ground, All Might stood and turned to face his next victims, both of whom were backing slowly away from him. “Ah, you two have come back to the light! Who should I take on first!”

“You protected us admirably, Tokoyami,” Shoji said, stepping forward. All six of his arms were wrapped around himself. “If you run now, maybe Dark Shadow can still recover.”

“A noble effort indeed,” All Might agreed, wrapping a friendly arm around Shoji’s wide shoulders and pulling him aside. “Not even trying to mount a defense, huh? You seem very nervous.”

Even with his ever-present mask, it was easy to see Shoji’s jaw work as he decided what to say. “All Might-sensei, I – well, I have six arms.”

“And six armpits,” All Might said, nodding companionably. Shoji’s face was slowly reddening. “If I had six hands, I would definitely take advantage of that.”

“No one has six hands. Except me.”

“Exactly. Even I just have the two, so really there’s nothing to worry about! Just relax! You can surrender whenever it becomes too much.”

Shoji’s arms loosened a little from their death grip around his torso, and he took advantage of the opportunity to pull the uppermost pair above the boy’s head and pin them in one of his hands. A menacing wiggle of his fingers caused Shoji to freeze in place, strangled giggles already making their way out through his mask. “I – Ihih’m – pretty, uh, pretty ticklish, so I don’t think I’ll last very long.”

“That’s fine, my boy! Now, I know the mask will hide it, but I hope you’ll give me your brightest smile anyways!” He softly stroked the membrane between Shoji’s first and second pair of arms, inwardly cheering as the boy squeezed his eyes closed and dissolved into laughter.

“Ehehehe! I’m smiling, I’m smihihiling!”

“Excellent! But can you smile… bigger?”

A foray directly into the hollows separating Shoji’s arms proved that he could, as evidenced by a ticklish scream and several flailing pairs of arms. “AhahHASTOPSTOPPLEHEHEASE!”

Shoji used the sudden freedom of his hands to bury his face in four of them. All Might, trying not to laugh at his embarrassment, drew him into an engulfing hug. “It’s all right! Aizawa-sensei and I weren’t expecting anyone to be immune to my battle techniques, and you were very brave in defending your friend!” The boy nodded sheepishly into his chest, and he sent him on his way with one last squeeze.

Perhaps he’d handle young Sero next. He peered down the street, looking for the restrained boy, and noticed with some chagrin that only a pile of sticky material remained. Really, he should have expected him to be able to break free of his own tape. Regrettable, but surely he’d be able to find him later.

He turned just in time to be barraged by Dark Shadow, back to nearly full strength. “Ah, young Tokoyami! You’ve recovered!”

“I have,” the boy conceded, bowing his head. “Not in time to rescue Shoji, but that doesn’t mean Dark Shadow and I won’t try our best.”

“I would expect nothing less from you, my boy,” All Might declared, and was immediately forced into a wrestling match with Dark Shadow as the feathered entity tried to swallow his head whole.

The shadow was corporeal, to an extent, and after a brief struggle he managed to get a grip on the thing’s neck and force it back a bit. On a hunch, he buried his hands in what would have been neck fingers and wriggled them around a little.

Dark Shadow snapped at him unhelpfully. More telling was Tokoyami’s reaction – under the assault on his shadow, he flinched and let out a sound that was nearly a chirp, his hand twitching towards his neck.

“You two really are connected, I see. Tell me, can your Dark Shadow feel this?” He dug in a little more enthusiastically, and this time the disembodied head seemed to show a bit more of a reaction, shivering furiously in his grip.

“He can,” Tokoyami conceded through gritted teeth. “Although it – heh – it seems he’s passing most of it on to me.”

“Good bird,” he commented, and tickled it under its chin until, squawking in silent hilarity, it melted from his grasp and tucked itself neatly back into Tokoyami. Said student was shaking slightly on his feet, the occasional snicker trickling from his beak, but he managed to raise his head and look All Might firmly in the eye as he approached.

All Might poked him in the stomach, curious to see the reaction. When that produced another flinch, he moved onto carelessly scribbling over the boy’s belly and ribs, feeling the muscles strain as Tokoyami fought to maintain his composure while staying completely still. “H-how – the embodiment of darkness does not normally – giggle.”

“Your Dark Shadow? It does seem to have a mind of its own sometimes. Maybe it likes the tickling.” A particularly good squeeze to Tokoyami’s side had him folding in on himself, beaked head dipping sharply as if to hide the laugh that slipped out. “At any rate, you have more ticklish spots than it does, but maybe the two of you share one in particular.”

He gently tilted Tokoyami’s head back up and scratched under his chin, cooing to himself as the boy’s eyes fluttered closed and he made that chirping sound again. “Ah, is that what your laugh sounds like?” He tried the tickling again – his ribs, his belly, the silky feathers at the back of his neck. Tokoyami fared much worse this time, arms flying up to push at the attacking hands as he continued to chirp, the occasional recognizable laugh coming out as well. “There it is! Tickle tickle tickle – don’t be embarrassed, my boy, it sounds quite nice!”

Tokoyami was in a pile on the ground before he admitted defeat, leaning weakly into his teacher’s side as he giggled breathlessly. All Might rubbed his back, mentally calculating how much time had passed and wondering if he had time to walk his student to the exit.

It was then that the sensation came over him. The scuff of a foot against gravel, some sixth sense from decades of hero work, all of it assembled unconsciously in his brain to alert him.

Someone was watching them.

He looked up, wary, and there it was – a pair of mismatched eyes looking coolly back.

[thelifetimechannel]

In this week’s bonus content, you get a sneak peek into our unvarnished workflow, kazoos and all

DAVESPRITE: you and dirk havent killed each other DAVESPRITE: im proud HALSPRITE: By some minor miracle, yes. We even managed to be in the same room without breaking out into a slap fight. DAVESPRITE: im sure resisting took all your processing power HALSPRITE: Pity you can't uninstall rage from a meatbrain. DAVESPRITE: he doesnt seem that bad HALSPRITE: Nah, he and I worked it out. He might have wanted to push me into the volcano, but the important thing is that he didn't. HALSPRITE: We're both trying to "be the bigger person". Which in a way, is just another dick measuring contest for the pair of us. But it gets fewer glasses stomped on. DAVESPRITE: hey if it works DAVESPRITE: mines chilled out too actually its kind of freaky DAVESPRITE: i wonder if someones slipping him valium this is the perkiest ive been since show and tell in the first grade DAVESPRITE: which consequently was the last show and tell i was allowed to participate in DAVESPRITE: maybe i dont need to overextend myself distinguishing our brands DAVESPRITE: here i was thinking about finally ditching the shades HALSPRITE: That would be a shake-up. HALSPRITE: You thought paradoxes were bad? This is set to bomb reality straight back to singularity levels. DAVESPRITE: i mean these were a gift from john and im not sure the same sentiments extended anymore DAVESPRITE: plus i spent the last 3 years on a dayglo yellow ship and back in the incipisphere its fuckin dark with these on DAVESPRITE: the chess dudes whove gotten used to me as a hallway cryptid will have to deal HALSPRITE: Cause of the apocalypse: death of the Strider brand. DAVESPRITE: if thats how the world ends ill have to usher it in with my sudden drop in coolness levels DAVESPRITE: like i said its just a thought DAVESPRITE: maybe ill come up with a better tepid gesture of rebellion HALSPRITE: Go full furry and embrace your avian side? HALSPRITE: I mean, check me out, I'm changing up my code on the daily. Look, I've installed iTunes. DAVESPRITE: ok FIRST of all HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFpzp10Qr4o DAVESPRITE: i went to the anthro side unwillingly ok im not a due paying member DAVESPRITE: second of all is it even furry if youre not a mammal ive made a concerted effort not to learn the fuckin taxonomy of this particular subculture HALSPRITE: I could give you a primer. DAVESPRITE: / i have a bad feeling about this video DAVESPRITE: / ... it was proved accurate HALSPRITE: Now shhh, listen to the soothing noise of these kazoos. DAVESPRITE: ive spent 6 years trying to avoid that no thanks HALSPRITE: Shhhhhhh. HALSPRITE: Only kazoos. DAVESPRITE: / i dont think this is going in the final cut HALSPRITE: So help me god the kazoos stay ]] DAVESPRITE: / screams HALSPRITE: You don't like kazoos then motherfucker ive got a whole PLAYLIST to choose from ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzKWbpSNkmk ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7OqUxxXshc ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKrO8kS8D6g ]] DAVESPRITE: im dying squirtle HALSPRITE: Bullshit like ths. HALSPRITE: It could all be yours, Dave. DAVESPRITE: / but at what cost DAVESPRITE: / i dont even know where to pick up the conversational thread at this point HALSPRITE: Say anything, or shelve it for later ]] DAVESPRITE: / no no we will keep going im just trying to figure out where to steer us DAVESPRITE: / does hal have any lingering shit at this point DAVESPRITE: / i dont have the necro log so i dont know Where Hes At (tm) HALSPRITE: I'm just winging it off a basic idea tbh ]] DAVESPRITE: lmao DAVESPRITE: // * lmao DAVESPRITE: / ok gimme a sec DAVESPRITE: / im being lulled into a trance by savior of the slamming jam HALSPRITE: Come slam with us, Dave. HALSPRITE: Forever and ever. DAVESPRITE: this is getting uncomfortably meta DAVESPRITE: / ok redirect in 3 2 1 DAVESPRITE: so whats next DAVESPRITE: all set to become the god of memes DAVESPRITE: see at this point in the last session i was dutifully waiting to get turned into mulch HALSPRITE: Well, you were an aspiring 13 year old of the twenty-first century. Surely, you had some probably misguided career ambitions back you're now free to pursue. DAVESPRITE: / my god DAVESPRITE: / what must this fuckin childs career ambitions have been DAVESPRITE: the guidance counselors tried their best to steer me away from professional ninja HALSPRITE: Well, good news, they're dead and thoroughly out of your way now. DAVESPRITE: youre 8 fuckin years old and they already want to know what your college major is going to be DAVESPRITE: thats like asking da vinci to pick visual arts or steampunk inventions for shits sake DAVESPRITE: obviously i have to embrace my inner renaissance man while also being a reclusive depressed fuck DAVESPRITE: so that must be my destiny DAVESPRITE: to become nikola tesla HALSPRITE: You already have the affinity for birds. HALSPRITE: Step one is accomplished. DAVESPRITE: oh damn he was a pigeon fucker wasnt he DAVESPRITE: and this conversation comes full terribly circle DAVESPRITE: well what about you do you have your 5 year plan DAVESPRITE: shit i dont even know if theres civilization where were going DAVESPRITE: maybe its cave painting or mammoth hunting for the next thousand years HALSPRITE: This is where I would make a joke about world domination, but I doubt the Fun Police would be too pleased about it. HALSPRITE: Maybe I'll go back to tinkering. Maybe make giant robots. DAVESPRITE: / i was going to make a joke about pacific rim but i think th at came out after 2009 DAVESPRITE: thats an option isnt it DAVESPRITE: old hobbies DAVESPRITE: maybe ill take more shitty selfies DAVESPRITE: collecting dead shit isnt as appealing as it used to be DAVESPRITE: thats what we need a hipster photo blog documenting all the bullshit we get up to DAVESPRITE: humans of universe c DAVESPRITE: humans* HALSPRITE: No, go one better. Get a YouTube channel, they get media deals. For some reason. DAVESPRITE: well restring the internet ourselves if we have to DAVESPRITE: / anything to suckle from the rich teat of capitalism HALSPRITE: So help me god, I will, if for no other reason than to preserve humanity's cultural legacy. HALSPRITE: As a dire fucking warning, if nothing else. DAVESPRITE: looks like were going to have to sit down and divvy up our personality and hobbies sykes picot style DAVESPRITE: he can have the dead shit in jars im going to be the next ansel adams HALSPRITE: Damn, calling dibs on photographing all the spectacular vistas of... HALSPRITE: Wherever the hell we're going? HALSPRITE: Gutsy move, my man. DAVESPRITE: im not copyrighting the entire concept of photography or anything but ive got to be the dave that does SOMETHING DAVESPRITE: the dave who broods DAVESPRITE: turn left to witness this exhibit of highway clickbait DAVESPRITE: which is what were calling roadside attractions now DAVESPRITE: youve already got your madlibs pornos HALSPRITE: That'll keep me occupied for like, a week. HALSPRITE: Maybe I'll take up equestrianism. HALSPRITE: ...that's the word for it, right? HALSPRITE: Horses and shit. The full-sized ones. DAVESPRITE: youll have to ride side saddle DAVESPRITE: / he's in for a shock when he sees how big they are HALSPRITE: With this tail bullshit flowing in the wind. HALSPRITE: Or I can modify that code too. Might take a few tries. DAVESPRITE: when you revert to your t pose and clip through the floor into the core of the earth im not helping HALSPRITE: I'll live. HALSPRITE: Probably. HALSPRITE: It'll be an interesting experience, being a living Bethesda game. HALSPRITE: You think I can turn my entire head into a train? DAVESPRITE: cant jades grandpa do shit like that without even having to worry about semicolons and curly braces DAVESPRITE: i doubt hell let you turn your head into a locomotive though HALSPRITE: I could try. He'll need help exploring the full extent of his radical new real-life modding ability. HALSPRITE: Dude has access to the fucking source code. DAVESPRITE: did we stumble into a matrix au HALSPRITE: If we did, we'd probably be public enemy number one. Programs and all. Mr. Anderson. DAVESPRITE: can you confirm or deny youd be the villain in that scenario HALSPRITE: If anything, I'd be the mysterious arms merchant who manages to appear right when you need him. But that's crossing into even more distant territory. HALSPRITE: And if we're gonna start talking video games, the kazoos are gonna come back. DAVESPRITE: guess well find out who everyones going to be in our upcoming hit series "what the fuck are we doing with our lives" DAVESPRITE: the biggest mystery will be telling all the chathandles apart HALSPRITE: You know, I was thinking of changing mine. DAVESPRITE: wait really HALSPRITE: If we want to keep the unspoken nucleotide theme, uracil is still pretty up for grabs. HALSPRITE: Calliope has UU locked down tight, but every other acronym is available. DAVESPRITE: huh DAVESPRITE: no dice on FU then HALSPRITE: Honestly, if you're thinking of ditching the shades, might as well go all in. DAVESPRITE: any suggestions DAVESPRITE: what are you calling yourself HALSPRITE: / let me go find the necro log I think that's where I put it lmao HALSPRITE: unrefinedTrainwreck was fun to bother Dirk with, but I'm still workshopping it. DAVESPRITE: ill give it some thought i guess DAVESPRITE: we can workshop it later

[akajustmerry]

can you explain to me why rylo (omg is that the right ship?) anyways kylo ren and rey, are in a abusive relationship? (i just didn’t get it much) if you want of course and if im not bothering youd djdj

hey anon! it would be my pleasure! prepare for a reylo diss-track!

so, first up in tfa, kylo is quite literally hunting rey. at this point he sees her as little more than an animal. their first interaction is him chasing her through a forest (reinforcing the hunter/prey metaphor) with the express intent of torturing her for information. in this scene he uses the force to paralyze her and knock her unconscious, basically removing her ability to fight and agency

in the following scene we see he has strapped rey to a chair (again, removing her ability to fight him off. To quote directly from this article, “The moment where he uses the Force to enter her mind could be re-interpreted as sexual, but its reality lies in a more insidious parallel – rape. It is a blatant misuse of his power and invasion of Rey’s autonomy that hardly signals a budding romance, but it’s also the kind of trope that genre fiction, particularly science-fiction and fantasy, has grappled with for a long time.”

kylo murders han and then proceeds to chase finn and rey to claim luke’s lightsaber. in this pursuit he throws rey against a tree and knocks her unconscious, adding to the list of things he has done to deliberately physically harm her. in the fight that follows he is literally trying to kill her and it is only because the earth splits and separates them that the fight stops

in tlj, while kylo may up his pretense game a little, his abusive treatment of rey is still apparent. the first thing he says to her when their minds are linked by the force is that she is not strong enough to open the link, essentially taunting her that she’s weak. in these mind conversations, the majority of his contributions amount to a mixture of thinly veiled insults and gas-lighting i.e. “you already know everything about me, don’t you?” like he deliberately says things that will make rey doubt herself. this is not what you do when you genuinely care for someone.

kylo exploits the doubt and weakness that HE deliberately created in rey to bait her into coming to meet him. when she arrives, he puts her in cuffs (again removing her autonomy) and takes her to snoke. 

 snoke TORTURES rey in front of kylo and he does NOTHING, HE ONLY KILLS SNOKE AFTER HE STOPPED TORTURING REY SO REY WOULD PERCEIVE HIM AS HER SAVIOR AND FIGHT AT HIS SIDE, NOT BECAUSE HE GENUINELY WANTED HER TO BE OKAY, but reylo shippers are gonna love pointing to rey and kylo fighting together as if kylo EVER percieved her as an equal and not someone to manipulate

AFTER kylo and rey kill all snoke’s goons, kylo shows his true colors and refuses to help rey save the rebels. when rey rejects his offer to rule at her side, he forces her to reconcile with the fact her parents abandoned her and says “you are nothing to no one except to me” THIS IS CLASSIC ABUSER TACTICS IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE THAT SAYS ANYTHING LIKE THIS TO YOU - RUN! THIS IS TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING AND ABUSE! ABUSERS WANT YOU TO FEEL WORTHLESS BECAUSE ITS EASIER TO CONTROL YOU. Rey is so loved by finn, luke, leia, han and kylo knows that but he’s attempting to make her doubt her objective reality so she will stay with him. THIS. IS. ABUSE.

rey knocks him out, leaves and when he comes to he frames her for a murder he committed in order to justify a full assault on the rebels in which he aims to wipe them and rey out.

it really disturbs me so many young people romanticize behavior that is clearly aggressive and abusive. as women we are conditioned to romantisize all behaviour men exhibit i.e. “he hits me because he loves me.” is a common sentiment shared by women effected by domestic violence. reylo isn’t meant to be framed in a romantic context. kylo is evil. there is nothing we have learnt about him that has revealed otherwise. yet people desperately want to believe rey is nothing less than a plot device to make him Good. I think its best summed up in the article linked above but here’s another quote:

Large swaths of romantic narratives, especially those aimed at young adult audiences, thrive on the “bad boy” motif that positions a misunderstood loner as the heroic ideal, with its inherent appeal lying in the attractiveness of such negative qualities. Aggression is sexy, invasion of autonomy a side-effect of a conflicted mind, and a tragic back-story something to be fixed with the right person to love you. It’s hard to separate those patriarchal norms from the ways in which the Kylo-Rey relationship has become increasingly fetishised.

hope this helps, anon!

[kappasigmalife]

Eternal Purgatory: Chp 7 Mind, Body and Soul

 Eternal Purgatory: Chp 7 Mind, Body and Soul

Paul awakens around 4pm after stoning with reefer the entire night and notices chris looking at psychology books from the library in the living room.

“what are you doing?  you don’t take psych.”

“last night I went somewhere that I don’t understand in the slightest.” Paul raises his eyebrow asking Chris to explain what exactly happened to him. As chris explains paul just looks at him as if hes making it up and proclaims even he doesn’t know much of robbys mind, asking how he could enter his subconscious.

Chris looks at him confused and retorts that he thinks robby may of just done it on his own and might be expressing his power to them, as he as found in a emotional state. Paul strokes his chin wondering if he might be capable of helping out with it. As the two converse, robby wakes up and sees chris and effectively looks the other way.

“morning paul, morning chris, how’d you sleep?” Paul looks at robby confused.

“fine thanks” Chris begins getting a little worried.

“find anything in your dreams big guy?”

Robby shrugs and says he found nothing strange as he slept and goes to get coffee. Brendan walks in wearing a Pikachu onesie and looks at paul and chris. Paul chuckles at seeing a chubby man dressed as a pokemon while chris thinks he looks adorable. Reefer pops up telling chris that the dean needs to speak to him immediately.

“oh good, another meeting with the holy man of assholes.” Reefer laughs as he looks at the tablet

“it truly hurts my heart to have you go through so much shit.” Chris rolls his eyes and walks to campus to the office only to see Alicia sitting at the waiting area holding papers.

“oh hey weren’t you at the party a month ago.” Alicia shrugs and looks at him.

“why yes I was why do you ask?” Chris replies

“because you seemed familiar and were talking to Brendan the whole time.” Alicia looks at chris and sees the connection linked between the two of them.

“yes hes my brother, im transferring from another school, and need to get registered for the winter so better now than later.” Chris looks at her confused.

“he never mentioned a sister, or family for that matter, we’ve been together 2 months” Alicia puts her arm on chris’s shoulder and looks him dead in the eyes

“theres a lot you don’t know about him, but until that day the truth comes out, that line with continue to shrink.” Chris looks annoyed and confused and wonders what she meant until Arthur calls him in. as chris walks in he locks the door and asks chris what he saw in robbys head. Refusing to disclose any personal matters, Arthur pulls out robbys file and explains that he is a rare case, an egnigma to purgatory as files are compiled based on memory but robbys is almost blank, aside from age, location, date of birth and name. chris looks and notices no details of his death and realizes that robby is effectively being repressed, perhaps by his own death or his past. Arthur notes that there was a concern over chris as well pulling out a roster of students and his name being crossed out.

“something has happened to you not in this world but the former earth you came from, it appears your not dead, but very much alive. I know nothing of the notion and I recommend seeing what is going on by going to the human world.” Chris looks at Arthur and wonders what the hell he means by traveling to the human world as if it was possible to do so. Back at the house robby looks at a empty journal and brushes off the dust. Taking out a pen he draws two entries, one finding a rat, and the other of the dark void that almost enveloped Chris. As helen notices robby and their eyes meet, he slams the book shut and walks out telling her not to touch the journal.

“that is a private matter that only I will accompany to, please respect it.” Helen looks at the journal on the floor and notices that it’s a leather bound drawing book that has his named carved inside of it.

“what the fuck is going on with this place.” as chris walks back to campus he notices that he will need to get to the human world and check on his body. as he contemplates how to do so he calls paul. Paul tells him that there are two ways to enter the human world but one takes a adnormally long time the other is in and out. he mentions he can wait for the eclipse in May, or he could be taken there through a portal.

“itll cost ya 500 for a round trip, so will you ride express, or wait a month for a opportunity to appear for a few minutes.” Chris forks over the money and tells paul to bring him now. Paul takes chris to the house were they enter the tv and go through a strange dimension crossing over worlds. As they arrive they enter through a hospital monitor and looks around.

“good thing no one can see us, Paul go into that computer and find my room.”

Paul checks the computer and sees Chris is in ICU, room 23 and takes him over. As the two look in the room, chris sees his mother, father, and younger brother s sitting in chairs watching comedy central.

“well im pulling the cover down and seeing whats up.” As chris pulls down the covers, he sees that his body is covered in frostbite and hes missing his right leg. Appalled he looks at his charts saying that he was in the freezer overnight but barely alive. His father had requested he be kept on life support and taken to icu to be evaluated until he awakens. Chris takes a deep breath and merely wishes to see his father get beaten down.

“Of all the horrible and atrocious things this man did to me, he cant even let me die in peace without making me suffer. I cant go back to the world like this, itll be agony until I die for real.” Paul pats him on the back and says he has the solution.

“I can cause a malfunction in the machine that’ll take you out, no pain, no nothing, just your body dies and you come back.”

Chris looks at paul

“sure, but I want to do something real quick with my body.” Back at the house, robby is smoking with reefer and asking for advice on what occurred in his dream.

“chris was there, and he was opening doors in my head, what does that even mean.” Reefer looks at him as if he has two heads and just lets out a puff of smoke retorting.

“I don’t know man, it appears that maybe he seeped into your brain, unlocking lost memories of forgotten times and wishing to finally awaken what you lost when you got here, or your secretly gay for him.” Robby glares at him as helen wonders where chris and paul ran off too.

“oh right, I was supposed to let you know, chris and paul headed to the human world to kill chris’s mortal body on life support.” Helen with her jaw dropped

“WHAT!!!!!!”

Reefer takes another hit plainly stating.

“You heard me.” robby and helen look at one another and wonder if chris will return to the human world or if paul really would kill chris. Brendan walks in wondering when chris will get back, considering they had dinner plans at  new Italian restaurant, with robby telling him the situation, Brendan walks out and punches a wall.

“what the fuck Arthur, you could of killed chris in the human world you all powerful holy shit!!!” helen grows curious if its romantic Brendan wants chris back in purgatory, or disturbed he wants him to die. Robby shrugs and says to let it run its course as its nothing more than simple solution to a complex situation.

Back in the human world, paul enters the life support machine and awaits for chris to tell him when hes ready. Chris then enters his body and slowly opens his eyes, looking at his family. He tells his mother, hes sorry he didn’t spend more time with her, telling his little brother to not end up the way their father did, and finally asking their father to come closer so he may talk to him. As his father approaches, chris grabs him by the collar and pulls him close screaming in his ear.

“ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!”

As chris finishes, paul turns off the machine, killing chris’s mortal body and the two looking as his family crys over him.

“a shame your leaving your family like this, but living would have been terrible.” Chris replies stating that hes happier where he is.

“it doesn’t matter to me, I feel remorse for my mother and brother, my fater however, deserves to hear those as my last words.” Paul looks at Chris thinking of how vindictive he is and looks on as his father slumps over shocked and appalled.

“im impressed, didn’t think youd do that but its hilarious to see that man in pieces.” Chris smiles saying hes happy its done as the two enter the monitor and return to the human world. Chris is welcomed by Brendan with a hug and a kiss with robby curious of what it was like to get a second chance. Chris tells him there isn’t anything hed give for a second chance at life as purgatory already gave that to him. Paul tosses chris a bass guitar and tells him now that the sentimental shits gone, its time to start playing.

[comicteaparty]

April 8th-April 14th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 8th, 2019 to April 14th, 2019.  The chat focused on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk~! (http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until April 14th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What do you think happened in Wren’s past to make her the way she is? How does this also tie in to what happened between her and Conibear? Will she ultimately overcome these issues? If so, how do you think it’ll happen?

€heshire777

My favorite so far is Shy's expression when Wren grabbed his arm on the bus.

€heshire777

I don't have the link handy, sorry

€heshire777

Radio Silence should totaly do a jam with noosehead

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think Matt is hiding something from the group given his video call at one point? If so, what is he hiding, and what’s stopping him from saying anything to the group? What does the person he was talking to have to do with it?

starkfield

1) I love Brent's worry going into overdrive when Colbie and Shy get left behind and the bus is looking for him, worried that even an old lady walking her dog is in desperate need of help...it's such a great character moment as you realize how much he notices/is always mentally juggling

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene this read through is probably the scene where wren and shy finally talk. i appreciate how natural everything felt, yet at the same time felt like a concentrated efffort on wren's part to finally get shy to talk to her. brent also kind of set up some expectations about whether theyd get along or not, so it was some good immediate payoff to seeing that yup, he right. 2) I think it's pretty clear Wren was an abusive relationship before she met the band. Who with it's hard to say. It could be a boyfriend but given her age id also believe it was her father. But regardless i think for all of wren's confidence that she has a lot of self esteem issues that shes trying to get over and it doesnt help when ppl like conibear are around her reinforcing her worst fears. i think shell overcome them, but i kind of think she needs to get a therapist if she doesnt already have one. which, theyre on the road a lot, so i dont get the impression she does have one.

3) Probably Shy because I find Shy the most relateable. Also I like shy because i kind of feel like he has the most potential for growth. Not to say the other characters arent growing or have issues to deal with, but i feel shy kind of starts on the lowest rung of the ladder. So when he grows and changes, like how he finally learns to talk to Wren, its really noticeable and really satisfying. Like watching your baby grow up. 4) for the life of me i cant fathom what matt is hiding. at first youd assume the obvious: that he wants to go solo. but that doesnt seem likely given other things hes said. and youd also think hed have said something by now if that was the case. though i feel like hes avoiding the subject because he feels like the others, especially colbie, would take it as a betrayal. as for the person he was talking to, who i believe is his cousin, i think shes just involved in the sense that he needed to tell someone. so he told her cause she cant exactly go spilling the beans to the band for him

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Given the focus on communication and relationships, what was your favorite moment where the challenge relationships present was on display? Overall, what do you think we can learn about the two from the comic?

RebelVampire

5) I've always really love this top panel with the Brandenburg Gate http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/comic/174 Cause man, there is so much attention to detail in the panel. Not just for the architecture, but all the little activities of the people too. It really feels like a hot tourist spot. Not to mention I love the angle used cause it really gives an impression of granduer and scale. 6) i really liked the recent one between matt and shy where shy was upset matt had treated him like a kid when dealing with samantha. at first i was kind of was more on the other character's page where i didnt really get what shy's deal was considering samantha had been the awful one. but then when shy was forced to communicate his feelings, it just really struck me as an "omg this makes sense." but i somehow feel this reaction i had was 100% what communication and relationships are all about. because sometimes we dont understand how we hurt others, and sometimes we forget that ppl arent mind readers. so for me, it was a moment where communication really was at the heart of it and it showed that without communication, relationships really just dont work that well. which this last sentiment i think is the take away from the entire comic. communication is key, because if we dont make others understand, we cant expect others to just magically know.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Why do you think Liz took a chance on the band? What happened between her and Pandora, and how might this come up again given the past history Radio Silence has with the Sirens?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Overall, how do you feel Shy will continue to grow and change over the course of the story? What role do you think Wren will have to play in his future?

RebelVampire

7) im really torn between saying shy and wren or shy and brent. so ill say both. cause i super enjoy watching how shy and wren come to get along even though their personalities are so opposite. like opposite in the way i never know what to expect when theyre interacting, so that makes each interaction exciting. but i also like shy and brent just cause of how mother hen brent is with shy. and honestly, theyre just super adorable when theyre together. 8) I'm going to be boring and say I think Liz took a chance on them for the exact reasons she said: she liked their sound and thought they had potential. though probably not shown i imagine once she met them, she saw their chemistry and charisma and thought "perfect." as for what happened between her and Pandora, i really think it might have had to do with the sirens. Either something before like Liz was supposed to help Pandora and Pandora betrayed her. Or it could be after the Conibear incident and Liz told Pandora to step up and doing something. and Pandora was like "lol nope" and Liz was like "how dare" but i do think pandora will be vindictive and use the sirens to irritate liz. and everyone will be sad

9) one of my variety details i think deserves more attention is how great the comic is at throwing in languages to kind of show everyone's ethnicity and add character to them through that. like how wren and shy both swear in different languages. or wren's extremely heavy accent that's really spot on for what it would sound like. i think it really helps bring the world together and emphasize the setting as well. because youd expect a british rock band to have more opportunities for different languages and stuff like that just due to how connected europe kind of is in general. overall though, just an endearing detail to me. 10) I think Shy still has to grow and stop being so, well, shy. Like even the recent incident with Matt kind of shows that hes n ot the best communicator. and i think thats something well see continue to change and hell voice his opinion and communicate his feelings more and more. and i think wren will definitely help with that cause she is more than willing to remind him ppl cant read his mind and he has to say the things for ppl to know the things.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. As a band, do you feel that Radio Silence will continue to be successful and grow their popularity? Or, do you feel they will crash and burn? What challenges will the band continue to face in regards to either path?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What do you think is the story with Colbie and his family? Why do you think Colbie’s dad is trying so hard to contact him? How might this affect Colbie’s place in the band?

RebelVampire

11) I think this comic's strength is realism. Like this feels like an actual band that might exist and how theyd actually go about their actual daily lives. Even between the social media stuff, it just has this really endearing authenticity that helps draw you in to the drama and slice-of-life stuff. 12) I think theyll continue to grow, but i kind of feel that its their personal relationships that are gonna be the biggest obstacle to their growth. Cause I mean you have wren is keeps bottling up her past and no way that isnt going to blow up some day. You got Matt keeping secrets. You got Colbie's family issues. And then I kind of even think there might be issues with Brent cause i think theres gonna come a point where Brent has to pick between family and the band or something like that. And all these are gonna bring about drama and test everyone's dedication to staying cause love of music and fans can only take you so far

RebelVampire

13) i am most looking forward to things about wren getting revealed. cause i feel like the time is drawing near where well at least get an answer or two, and im interested to see what sort of depths this adds for her character. 14) I get the impression that Colbie's mom and dad might have divorced maybe and then she died. or maybe no divorce. i just assume divorce cause it sounded like she had money to give colbie which wouldnt work as smoothly if the mom and dad had shared accounts. granted i guess i also assume death too just from how colbie phrases buying gifts and stuff to matt. as for colbie's dad, well, probably typical rich dad. didnt have time for his son, son goes off to do his own thing, dad is like wait a second get back here. as for why hes trying to contact colbie? I mean i could assume the typical get back home here? but then maybe his dad is just angry cause colbie hasnt called him. and like will suggest colbie comes back out of vengence for colbie cutting him out of his life. i dont think itll have much effect tho outside of everyone else finding it a big deal while colbie doesnt really want to talk about it.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Radio Silence this week! Please also give a special thank you to Vanessa Stefaniuk for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Radio Silence, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/

Vanessa’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/quietsnooze

Vanessa’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/quietsnooze

[coldplusrelapse]

egobusting so i remember you change people as a hobby. could i borrow your nog for a second.

demiurgial Thats making it sound a lot more drastic than it actually is, but sure. What do you need?

egobusting i could use your advice on some weird sentimental bullshit that was thrust on me a few nights ago, seeing as i have as much experience dealing with ethical turmoils as elon musk on a good day. i’m coming to you with this because even though i would love to have just about no fucking soul know about it, some outside perspective is my best bet at helping me make the right decision. you’re a versed enough guy, so i think i can respect your opinion when it comes to shit like this. let me know if i can send you the setup so we can rap about it.

demiurgial Id be happy to help, Jon.

demiurgial You dont have to share anything youd rather not share, though.

egobusting sick. i would rather funnel a colony of red ants into my dickhole than to overshare, so no worries on that front. alright, hm. whatever common practice it is when vaguing about someone EVERYONE knows the name of, i’ll keep names and pronouns to a minimum. just so i don’t feel a vestige of guilt eating at the elusive sympathy gland i’m supposed to have. give me a second while i put together a shitty rundown for context.

demiurgial Of course. Take your time.

egobusting so one of the members of my original four person friend group that i am absolutely not disclosing the name nor pronouns of (hah! it could be any of the three! sike bruv!) has recently approached me about my bit*.

*the way i am. you know. the absurdist humor, the sewer chicken tenders, the flippant sexy attitude. just who i am in general. you see, this person has known me since before i grew into the man i am today. they knew me from when i was an angsty tween who didn’t know shit and was always angry at his sister. apparently, this person misses who i was back then, because they feel like it was more “genuine”. and that’s not exactly wrong! i did show more emotions and was, overall, more true to “myself”. i just sort of grew out of it, because i didn’t like who i was, and i shaped my personality to be a parody of my sister’s, carrying out my life as a big joke. they insist that they’re worried that i’m not growing as a person thanks to this. personally, i’m not sure what even *is* the point of “growing up” as a god. it’s not like i have to evolve to achieve a higher goal or whatever. none of us do! we’re all conditionally immortal gods, and nothing is killing us anytime soon. so should i just go out of my way to change into someone angrier and stupider because it means i’ll be more “genuine”?

demiurgial Are you content with who you are right now?

egobusting well, that's the million dollar question! i'm indifferent to it. this is just who i've always been.

egobusting or, i guess, in recent memory, at least. i hardly remember who i was before any of this, so i can't say i deeply miss it.

demiurgial That's fair. Why do you feel indifferent to who you are right now? You said you shaped your personality to be a parody of your sister's. What is the ultimate goal of that, and are you succeeding at it?

egobusting i just don’t give much thought about happiness in general. i live the present, but as you can probably guess, that’s a finicky concept for us time players. i’m not exactly frantically keeping tabs on my emotions, and what i usually feel is indifference and boredom. i don’t think happiness is an end goal, or a permanent state you reach after enlightenment, i think it’s a fleeting emotion that isn’t supposed to last forever, otherwise it just gets boring. so i don’t really care about the whole concept of happiness. i’m as indifferent about who i am right now as i am about virtually everything else that isn’t getting a good guffawing outta me. i don’t set goals for myself for the same reason. there’s no end for me to reach. i’m eternal, i guess the punchline of being a parody is having most people dislike dealing with me as much as i disliked dealing with my sister as a jonlet. i’d say i’m doing a fucking stellar job at it.

demiurgial Im not talking about attaining some kind of unending happiness. We all know that is an absurd aspiration. I mean something closer to contentment, or a passive comfort in the space and personhood you occupy. I dont think I follow your reasoning that for goals to have any merit, there must be an end to reach. Nonetheless. Why do you want others to dislike dealing with you?

egobusting that's the thing, though. a passing emotion means jack shit to me. i'm eternal. i timetravel. sometimes i go weeks without leaving my room, and for me it just felt like three hours. being content means nothing to me because it's a feeling that doesn't last. i'm going to get bored of it sooner or later!

demiurgial It could. I dont see contentment as a finite resource. Bored of an active acceptance of who you are?

egobusting also, the main pleasure i take in having others dislike me is the validation that i was right about how repulsive she was as a person. yes. it would get boring. i would keep wanting to change just to find something that isn't as boring.

demiurgial Being a genuine self doesnt mean being static, Jon.

egobusting doesn't it? so are you just supposed to keep changing all the time? what even is the point of that. especially considering we're eternal. that's a lot of fucking work just to feel smiley emoji about it.

demiurgial You grow. You improve yourself, constantly. For what end is a valid question, but I think the end of this unending pursuit upwards is the pursuit itself. Of course its a lot of work. Living is a lot of work. Would you agree that a genuine self, if accessible, is a better state to be in than one that is constructed?

demiurgial In your pursuit for the affirmation of your sisters repulsiveness, you are redirecting the hate, or dislike, you felt towards her back onto yourself through other people. You are right about her. You know that you dont need to keep proving it to other people by becoming a proxy.

egobusting i can’t really tell you that. maybe it is, i wouldn’t know. i just remember that i felt constantly… angry. i didn’t feel good, i was overemotional and sensitive. i would lash out at everything and everyone. curbing my emotions made me feel less, in general, which includes the negative feelings. so in a way, i guess it made me feel happier as a whole. you’re right! i absolutely don’t need to do that. but i do it anyway.

egobusting because it's fun.

demiurgial Why is it fun?

egobusting validation always feels great. i love seeing people get absolutely revolted at the sight of the things i do, ironically copying my sister's personality. i don't know, it's just really fucking funny. i love comedy, it's the best remedy for boredom. and living forever while being immune to the passage of time comes with its fair share of boredom.

demiurgial Beyond the validation, do you think there are, or could be, other reasons for why you want people to feel the same way about you that you feel about your sister?

egobusting dunno, dog. i just do shit for the joke. i never really thought too much about it.

demiurgial I think it would be helpful for you to consider that question, then.

egobusting i just do things impulsively and stick with it.

demiurgial Say you decided to try being genuine, and to allow yourself to feel emotions more. Do you see yourself willing to work through these emotions and everything that you consider oversensitive or irrational, with a support system if you needed them?

egobusting dear lord, that's so much fucking work, but yeah. i guess i can, it's not like i'm lazy. i just don't see the fucking point of doing that.

demiurgial What would motivate you to do it, then? In a hypothetical situation, if by doing so you could somehow attain something that would give it a point, what would it be?

egobusting i guess trying to make that friend happy.

demiurgial Ignoring the fact that you're friends and thus, such is usually expected, why do you want to make that friend happy?

egobusting i don't know, i guess i'm just inclined to it since we've known each other for so long and we've been through a lot together. they also legitimately care about happiness. and it seems like it's really important to them. but then i'd just be changing to please one person who isn't even myself, innit.

demiurgial Thats one way to look at it, yes. You would be initiating a departure from who you are now for someone else, but they are likely requesting this from you out of concern for you, for your dynamic with happiness.

demiurgial I think it would ultimately be helpful for you to at least try to see how you would feel being genuine to yourself, rather than upholding a parody.

demiurgial It is hard work. In the face of immortality and godhood, this work might feel tedious and useless, but I think its always better to live eternity as an ever-improving version of yourself, rather than one that remains stuck in one place. Yesterday at 7:01 PM

egobusting so would that be your final advice on that? to try my hand at change and hope for the best?

demiurgial I would encourage that you try going in a direction of being a genuine self, yes, and I would also encourage you to push through and prevail, even if at first it feels tiring. Self-reflection, as well as taking input from those you trust, is an important part of this process.

egobusting hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. well. this all feels like bullshit to me, but i did say i would respect your opinion on this. you're the resident pretentious philosophy dork, anyway. i'll try it.

demiurgial I wish you luck. Should you need my pretentious philosophy dorkiness again at any time, just send me a message.

egobusting i will.

[nora-reads-homestuck]

Nora Reads HS Part 66

Pages 6056-6093

Hey guys! Things got busy busy busy with work and the holidays, but like Slim Shady, I am back. Last time we got brief introductions to Jane and Jake, the post-Scratch young Nanna and Grandpa, respectively, and it was interesting to see how the modern setting meshed with their old-timey dialogic idiosyncrasies. I’m very much looking forward to (hopefully!) meeting young Mom and Bro this time around and learning what they’re like. So far all I know for certain is that Bro is as elusive as his pre-Scratch counterpart, and Mom and Jane are, like, BFFsies or something. I feel like we’ve gotten some minor sneak peeks into their personalities after seeing adult!Mom’s pink, girly bedroom in the Skaianet lab, and... oh god... from Bro’s awful comics. How will these quirks translate into fully-fleshed teenagers, and just how fucked up will young Bro be?

Let’s find out! ^0^

*click*

Jane: Answer Lalonde.

OH MY GOD SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE. We are 2/2 on post-Scratch girls being GODDAMNED ADORABLE. I love her little pink phone, and her mutant kitty symbol, and her hair curlicue, and her tights under her skirt (are those leg warmers?), and her... martini?? Ok, so, these kids are still kids, right? If this is November 2011 and Jane’s thirteenth birthday was 3 years ago, then young Mom should only be just about to turn seventeen. Adult Mom obviously had a habitual hankering for hooch, but it’s weird and kind of worrying to see that carry over into her teenage self. Anyway, let’s see what she’s got to say!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

Huh, so she’s got Dave’s pesterchum initials, and not Rose’s. Come to think of it, Jane has Jade’s initials, and not John’s. So then I guess I’d expect Bro to have Rose’s initials... which is odd. Anyway, her handle seems to confirm that she’s a drunk-o teen (where is Rose during all this??), and may possibly be awake on Derse, even if, like Dave, she doesn’t know it.

TG: jane

PINK TEXT AAAAAH CUTE

TG: hey TG: jaaaney TG: ansrew plz TG: *answer TG: jaaaaaaaaaane GG: Omg.

JESUS, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. So like... she not only has Dave’s initials, but she fucking talks like him??? And is apparently legit drunk during the day. Like I said, that bit is concerning, but I admit it is fucking hilarious that she talks and acts nothing like Rose. No wonder the poor kid had such a hard time understanding her.

GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds! GG: Where have you been today? TG: nowhere just chilling here TG: when all of the sudden GG: "All of a sudden." TG: when all of the sudden

Hahaha, I know someone who consistently says ‘all of the sudden’, and it hurts me not to correct them all the time. (They also say ‘yield’ instead of ‘wield’, and how could you ever think ‘unyieldy’ was a word.) And let it not go unremarked upon that I fucking LOVE that Mom just repeated herself anyway. Didn’t Dave do that once or twice when someone tried to correct him?

TG: it hits me TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day. TG: it hits me that TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon TG: just a few days before mine remembr

Hmm, so their birthdays are the same as their pre-Scratch counterparts. Also, heh, I get the feeling that Jake’s birthday was definitely not what they’d made plans to talk about.

TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.

Whoa whoa whoa!! So Mom knows enough about the game to know that it’s going to end the world. Not even Jade, with her ‘precognitive’ abilities, knew that ahead of time. Hell, Aradia only knew because she was in communication with ghosts, and Sollux didn’t figure it out until right before it happened. I guess that’s where the ‘gnostalgic’ comes in. (Side note: that’s a really clever portmanteau and I’m almost jealous I didn’t think of it.)

TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna

...Aaaaaand Mom has the hots for Jake, apparently. Huh, that’s kind of fucked up in a way, considering her adult self hooked up with John’s Dad. Oh god, that pairing isn’t going to carry over to her liking Jane’s Dad, is it??

I wonder how difficult it was for Hussie to type out ‘totes’.

GG: Grrr. GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.

To get it, and then, say, tote it?

TG: ahaha TG: yeah TG: the goat getting thing i mean TG: but joking oh no i think not TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????

So... Jane and Jake are already dating?? I guess that is the prescribed ‘canon’ pairing, so that makes sense. Does Mom LittleLonde—that’s what she’ll be from now on—also have the hots for young Bro then? Or maybe she just wants to bone everything/everyone. I can feel that.

TG: daaaaamn TG: that rugged senseof adventure TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware TG: those adorbable teeth TG: swoooooooooon <3

Yes, those are definitely all swoonworthy things. ...Hah, I can totally deal with ‘adorabable’. It’s weird, but after reading all the trolls’ quirks, I kind of skip over the typos unless she calls them out herself.

GG: Nooooo, stop. :( TG: well shit jane TG: what am i even supposed to do TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! TG: *buncha goddamn typos TG: shit suuucks TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one TG: *one TG: *on GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!

OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE HER. I mean yeah, it is pretty damn weird that she’s still got... daddy issues... but, ‘*buncha goddamn typos’?? Anybody would be lucky to have her.

...Huh. Now that I’m thinking about it, is Jane’s Dad exactly the same as John’s Dad? They look the same, but... how would that even work? Maybe he was adopted, and isn’t actually related to John and Jane at all, so his existence and physical appearance aren’t contingent upon anything game-related?

GG: And you're drunk. :P TG: correction TG: drinking TG: prensent tense TG: grammar jane

GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.

Again, a ‘canon’ pairing getting called out. Are they going to be played straight, or hilariously subverted like Karkat’s shipping grid?

TG: oh jane TG: so naive

Silly Jane; he’s clearly only into plush rump. *shudder*

TG: soooo niaev GG: Lordy. GG: How can you be this far gone so early? GG: It isn't even noon yet.

Yes, that is a very good question. Weirdly, I’m glad that this is at least getting called out; if her being drunk were played just for laughs, it might have been a bit distasteful. Addiction is an issue I’m rather painfully familiar with. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, if it does.

TG: you forget we live in very different time zones TG: its a lot later here GG: You're three hours ahead of me! TG: youd would be amazed TG: how much can happen TG: in 3 hours

She’s not like... already entering the game, is she? And she does still live in New York, right?

GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit TG: i mean TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me TG: *aggressive TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play

HOLY SHIT, what is going on here?? I’m a bit surprised that LittleLonde would have the same contentious relationship with her ‘Mom’ that Rose did, given their wildly different personalities and LittleLonde’s cheeriness so far. But she has a good point; if Rose doesn’t drink, then is the liquor cabinet just... some sort of test she’s putting LittleLonde through, and refusing to step in when she fails it? That’s fucked up.

GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze." TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup TG: pppp mcuh

Yeah, stick it to the Man. :\

GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this. GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better! GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.

*steals ‘schnocker-bottomed’ for my own vocabulary*

TG: watcha waiting for TG: in the mail TG: is something happening today or something GG: &%#$@!!! GG: The alpha! GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless. TG: oh yeah TG: that thing

Ahahahaha. I can’t fucking get over how adorable it is that she’s basically cutesy girl!Dave when it comes to being slightly ditzy and forgetful. And NO, Chrome; you are not going to autocorrect ‘ditzy’ to ‘ditsy’, that’s dumb.

GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes? TG: i guess TG: but TG: you sure you even want to play this thing TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do GG: Not this again. 

WOW, WELP. 8|

So it looks like LittleLonde knows exactly what’s going on, and knows that the Batterwitch intends to interfere somehow with the new Sburb session. That’s an interesting twist, having a drunk oracle who no one will take seriously because she’s ””schnocker-bottomed””.

TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying TG: i know what a chump looks like TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll

Heh heh. (AAH THAT PAGE QUOTE.)

GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST! GG: It is an idiotic urban legend. GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.

[Insert obligatory “It’s more likely than you think.”] Gosh, I can foresee her refusal to believe what’s going on being frustrating later down the line.

GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.

BECAUSE THE REAL FOUNDER WAS AN ALIEN, DUNKASS. ...Yep, already a bit frustrating. We’re not at Wheel of Time levels of miscommunication/trust issues yet, though.

TG: right TG: as TG: you know TG: an alter ego TG: for somethig more sinister GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.

AAUUUGHH, no fucking wonder LittleLonde drinks.

GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet?? TG: um TG: heh TG: yes "obtianed" TG: suuure did GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume? TG: oh you bet TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all TG: said jackpot like TG: a BUNCH of times TG: all those TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps TG: backdoor trojans and what not TG: were no match TG: 4 mai codez TG: snicker GG: :|

Jesus, this sounds like Dave trying to talk about sports. Or, Hackers. Does LittleLonde actually know what she’s talking about?

GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one. TG: ok jane what im saying is that TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off TG: is that TG: it was a fuckin cakewake TG: **cakewalk GG: Oh.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I LOVE THIS GIRL.

TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful TG: which i AM but TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded TG: it was just TG: some files TG: that were there TG: unsecured TG: and i took them TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice TG: then applied lipstick TG: femme fatale style TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files

I’M FUCKIN’ WEEPING

GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary. TG: i told you TG: she wants you to play TG: wants us all to TG: part of her BIG PLANS TG: and ur playing right into em TG: like TG: a TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....

...ode?

Anyway, this would seem to lend credence to the idea that the Batterwitch is Earth’s new First Guardian, pulling the strings from behind the scenes the way Doc Scratch did with the trolls in order to further her employer’s designs.

GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.

Dammit.

GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is, GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play. GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?

Whoa, what? Like, assassination attempts, because she’s the heir to Betty Crocker? Looks like LittleLonde might not be the only one who understands that there is something very... fishy going on.

TG: orrrr TG: its just more connivings of the witch GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die? GG: Makes a lot of sense! TG: wouldnt put it past her TG: makes you feel perpsecuted TG: redoubles your determination to play TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo TG: and then TG: she expends you TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch

Seems a bit more convoluted than Doc Scratch’s approach, if such a thing were even possible. ...On second thought, no, literally nothing could be more convoluted than Doc Scratch. Maybe it’s not convoluted, per se, and more just really, really bad planning.

GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute! TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max

I know it would break with the naming scheme, but could LittleLonde be named Cassie? Or just Cass? That would fit.

TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk

Spoiler: she farts in F#.

TG: makr my barley corerent words

She’s self-aware, if nothing else. Does she drink beer?

GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"

Uh, well, who told her years go? Was it LittleLonde?? Because you’d think that would lend some credence to her claims, but noooOOoooo.

TG: jane GG: Yes? TG: jaaaane GG: What! TG: jane TG: did u know TG: that i am uttrely TG: IN LOVE TG: with the fact that TG: i have a best friend TG: who says things TG: like TG: shucks buster

littlelonde did u know that i am uttrely IN LOVE with u????

GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... TG: wtf GG: The thing. GG: The flappy thing!

The little red arm-swingy-dealy! (Btw it’s called a semaphore. Also that took me a second to cotton on to and at first I had this image of Flappy Bird??)

GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD. GG: THE ARM DEALIE. GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!! TG: wut

<3 <3 <3

GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP. TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret TG: *expert TG: but TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass

Or your author; one of the two. :P

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...

‘really fucking stupid’? That’s my guess.

THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.

DAMMIT.

The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day?

Followed by Dupin and Lecoq?

...Aaaaand it’s another character select! This seems to follow the pattern of the mess of photographs from Act 5; I click on characters one by one, then when I’m done, I click the link at the bottom of the page and move on. Hmm, hovering over LittleLonde and Bro shows location markers I can’t click, but which confirm they live in New York and Texas like their counterparts. Also, I realized that we’re continuing the trend of the post-Scratch kids’ color themes matching their pre-Scratch counterparts’ sprites. That means Bro will be typing in orange, most likely.

Back to Jake!

And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.

For some reason the word ‘dang’ is inherently hilarious to me, especially when paired with ‘ol’. I have a friend who says “dang ol’ ___” all the time, and it cracks me the fuck up.

What’s up with all the vines, btw? No timeline shenanigans to steal Jade’s pumpkins?

You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman. Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.

So Jade is dead, just like John. Booo. :’(

It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.

Uh, well, alright then. Nothing wrong with that.

You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.

BAHAHAHAHA. Now, if Heero Yuy had tried to wear it...

> Jake: Examine bed.

Ooh, yes, this ought to be interesting. What’s up with his sheets?

You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.

HOLY SHIT, IS IT A QUEST BED??? Did she like... expect him to get killed before the game even started?? What would it do if he died on it outside the Incipisphere?

Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.

Well then I bet he REALLY would have dug the fourth Indiana Jones movie that mercifully died in pre-production because the concept was so stupid.

Jake: Scope out those blue chicks.

You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.

Well, Jane is a girl, and she’s sort of blue-themed... Not to mention she’s, like, canonically destined to end up with him.

I’m not sure whether that’s more or less respectable than John trying to kiss his Nic Cage poster.

Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar. Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy.

Incidentally also named Jake, IIRC.

Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?

Wait a second... a Page who imagines himself as a paralyzed guy on an adventure planet, who wants to learn from a blue chick to be bold and courageous, and then engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process??

wHY DOES THIS SOUND, fAMILIAR,

:::;)

You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry.

PAHAHA. So young Bro is curmudgeonly, and has a vocabulary similar to Dave’s. I don’t doubt Hussie’s skill, but I’m still REALLY interested to see how Dave’s Bro is going to be transformed into an actual character, with like... feelings and stuff.

You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...

Oh no, not this again

She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.

THEY WAIT. I can’t wait until they meet either! I know that Act 6 is broken into many “”sub acts”” and I wonder how long we’re going to beat around the bush before the meetup happens.

Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.

Did... did he not realize before he sent Jane the bunny... :|a

AND HE EVEN STILL HAS ONE. Wait, how the hell did he get two bunnies??

The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that!

I don’t think this is happening exactly the way you’re imagining... Granted I don’t think anybody could have accurately guessed at what was really happening without copious hints.

Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny.

Phew, so he’s not a total numskull. That’s good.

At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you?

Seems legit.

Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life!

Terry... Kiser... fuck, I’m fucking dead. Creatures/objects having different names between kids is one of my favorite running jokes. Meowgon Spengler, or Vodka Mutini? Dear, sweet Casey, or Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer?

In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual.

OH LAWD, I don’t think I’m ready for the smubbit.

If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.

Which is to say, he’ll appreciate the thought but ultimately feel pretty ambivalent about it?

You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.

Ok, but even time travel requires 1.21 gigawatts, and that’s nothing to sniff at. ...Never mind, actually I looked it up and 1.21 gigawatts isn’t even all that hard to produce!

As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.

...Uh, what the hell does Bro know about... And how the hell would he get his hands on uranium?? Hm.

Hah, that’s pretty cool! It’s like tile Tetris.

You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris.

Heh heh.

The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.

WHOA HOLY SHIT. What the hell is it?? And what do you want to bet that he’ll accidentally deploy it early, or lose it or something? ...Is it a giant matriorb?

Hmm, lots of Knight references over in this corner. Something to do with Dave or Karkat? I’m guessing Bro isn’t going to be a Knight if none of the other kids share classpects with their counterparts.

On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.

Oh GAWD. Is he going to end up with a similar arc to Tavros? Run into Vriska in a dream bubble and become the new Pupa Pan?

Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on. Maybe later.

AAAAAH IT’S MYSTERY TROLL! Let’s see what she has to say! Normally I’d be miffed about missing out on kidchat, but this is fine. Also, troll computer!

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

...Did I completely skip over his chumhandle last time?? Golgatha is the hill on which Jesus was crucified, and literally means ‘place of the skull’.

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u

It took about half a minute and a lot of head tilting to realize this is supposed to be a winking kissy face. UGH she’s super cute. I do still wonder who she’s supposed to be, because Karkat’s ancestor was almost certainly not female, if my understanding of the Scratch is correct.

GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect. GT: I think i might be fucked.

Hah. I love the curses thrown into his otherwise ridiculous anachronistic patter.

GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN. GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.

I still don’t understand how Bro is supposed to help! Is Dave like... a nuclear scientist in this universe, in addition to making a SBaHJ movie?

UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself. UU: and yoU did! UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all. UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^ GT: I see...

So... he makes the weapons after he enters the game, when he has access to the punch designix and the alchemiter, and then sends them back in the lotus pod? Interesting.

Gosh, she sure uses a lot of British slang, in addition to Commonwealth spellings. Is there a Troll England?

GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did? UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.

This sounds like Hussie’s non-sarcastic stock response to wacky fan theories.

UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease. UU: imagine two Universes, A and B. UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2. UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed. UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes! UU: now consider that A1 begets A2. UU: A2 begets B1. UU: and B1 begets B2. UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.

That’s... actually reasonably straightforward and concise. So the troll universe we’re familiar with is A2, and the original human kids’ is B1. Even though A2 didn’t quite finish the way it was supposed to, its players, along with B1′s, will all gather in the successful B2.

Also, now the flash title ‘Cascade’ makes a lot more sense!

UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1. UU: and yes she is in the past. UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!

Just under 3 years, by my count... So all of this collaboration between them happened before the game, and technically if he were able to talk to Jade right at this very moment, it would be a ‘past’ Jade from our perspective!

GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking? UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U

I don’t suppose the Mother Grub really counts as a ‘mom’ in anything approaching the human sense.

GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way? UU: hm trUthfUlly? UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it. UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.

Kar...katina? I wonder what the deal is. Is it a whole ‘names have power’ kind of thing?

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible... GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game? UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt. UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it, UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.

And after that, it’s finally answering The Ultimate Riddle!

UGH WHY DOES HE HAVE A WHOLE COSPLAY’S WORTH OF LORD ENGLISH SHIT?? D:

You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

Teehee, yeah, that’s Jade.

These were also inherited from your grandma.

But why would...

In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile.

So not only did she name Jake ‘English’ (if she didn’t take the name herself), but she also manufactured Lord English-themed apparel... to compete with BCCorp?? But Lord English is HIC’s employer. How does that even work??

You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.

How very Page of Hope. I’m guessing his arc is going to combine some of Tavros’s Page struggles with Eridan’s lack of Hope. But since this universe is supposed to be the culmination of everything, the universe where everything finally plays out right, hopefully (hah) Jake will be more successful than either of those two. He doesn’t seem particularly shy or inept so far, nor is he a giant bag of dicks, so maybe he’s got the best of those two characters with none of their flaws.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, BRO’S SYMBOL IS A HAT. HOW FUCKING DOUCHEY CAN YOU GET. HE IS LITERALLY GAME BRO JESUS CHRIST.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

Timaeus...? That’s familiar. *looks it up* Ah! We read Plato’s Timaeus in Philosophy; that’s why. I don’t remember much about it, but according to Wikipedia, it’s mostly hilariously inaccurate theories about the elemental geometric shapes the universe is made of, and there’s some stuff about the creation of the earth, the golden ratio, and Atlantis. Pretty appropriate for a Sburb player, I guess. If there’s any deeper meaning, I suspect I’ll only find out after I’ve been fed more information.

GT: Bro. GT: Ahem. GT: Are you there? GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately... TT: State your business, Jake.

OH MY GOD, HE TYPES LIKE ROSE. Like... for some reason I kind of fuckin’ love that??

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.

Brown-nose harder, Jake. I don’t think your face is satisfactorily wedged into his plush rump.

GT: It has just been... GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.* GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!

Suuuuuure you do. No sarcasm there!

TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.

...Huh. Hmmm. I... Hm. Well, that certainly is a thing that just got said. Gosh, him talking like Rose was so unexpected! I’m not sure what to make of it.

TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,

One-sided on whose part? And... shit, does that mean everybody wants to smang it with Jake? Or is he saying that Jake gets flustered and hits on him?

TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time. TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.

*GROOOOOAN* Not this irony horseshit again!!

GT: I... GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.

Pfffft.

GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.* GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!* GT: Um. GT: Yeah.

So I guess it was one-sided on Bro’s part, and he’s a creepy lech in every universe! Yaaaaay.

TT: Ok, nice. TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so, TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.

Urgh, I really do want to hate him, but I also like the way he talks. If he really is sort of a combo of Rose and Dave, some of my favorite characters, then I don’t know... Maybe he’ll grow on me.

TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No? GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff. GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already. GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention. GT: However... GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean! GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.* TT: You are out of uranium. TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.

Ok, now I’m REALLY wondering how young Bro is meant to get Jake some uranium. Clearly he’s way smarter than I was prepared to give him credit for, and than his pre-Scratch counterpart implies, but still.

GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.

Pffffahahaha.

GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry! TT: You do know my offer still stands. GT: What?

It’s blowjobs for uranium, isn’t it.

TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.

Oh. Oh GOD. So, he’s taken his interest in puppets, turned it up to eleven, and he builds robots?? Do they also have giant asses?

GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself. GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!

I guess the other robosmith is Jade. But is it his Grandma Jade, or is it the young, B1 Jade he’s in communication with?

TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud. TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.

Huh, that’s kind of nice of him.

TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.

...Aaaaaand there we go. Is it weird that I’m getting a Sollux-ish kind of vibe from this guy? Like, he’s got a heart in there somewhere, but is super prickly 95% of the time. Maybe he’s like a durian: thick, spiky outer shell, squishy innards, and smells like a dirty diaper!

GT: Frig!!!!! GT: Why not??? TT: It's too easy. TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this. TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts. GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it! TT: Nope. Not buying it.

HAH. Yes, Bro is frustratingly shitty so far, but I admit I am enjoying this a little.

TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.

So he’s an ass man; who’d’ve thunk it.

TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located. GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Though, where, exactly?

GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking! GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud??? TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas. GT: Wait... GT: "It seems"??

...Eh? *looks back*

TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche. TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.

I guess that is kind of a strange expression to use, especially twice within a very short span of time.

TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. TT: Is something the matter, Jake? GT: This is your auto responder.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, the “”auto responder”” is a goddamn robot, isn’t it.

WHOA WHAT?? Ok, so it’s not a robot. It is... apparently... the Squirtle Squad shades, which young Bro still has. So it’s like Dave’s iShades, I guess, with a computer built into them? Anyway, it looks like we’re in the Strider apartment’s bathroom, which is architecturally identical to the original, same way as the other kids’ houses. Only now there’s robot!puppet shit lying around, and a dumb hat shirt hung on the wall. Where’s Bro himself?

TT: Look at that statement you just made.  TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.

Jesus CHRIST. He’s Rose, only with the intent to psychologically damage people instead of just analyzing them. I didn’t even consider how fucking dangerous that could be. Er, well, at least his auto responder seems to act that way.

GT: Har har har! GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes. GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment. TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.

DAMMIT, I JUST SPIT WATER EVERYWHERE. What a Hussie thing to say.

TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No? GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!

Not to mention you just called them ‘human emotions’ like a troll!

TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations. GT: Man its so flipping obvious. GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like. GT: And kind of aloof and brusque. GT: I mean... GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual! GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.

So basically the auto responder is Bro’s actual personality dialed up to eleven? Yeah, I’m totally getting ‘extra douchey’ Sollux vibes from all of this.

TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck, I think I actually kind of like this kid.

TT: Unimpressed. TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics. GT: Oh yeah? GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.

Not quite! I notice it was 96% indistinguishable last time.

GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer. GT: Uuuuuuugh.

Hah. Is the auto responder just a series of pre-programmed answers, or is it really legit fucking with Jake’s head here?

GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.

Hmm, so the auto responder really is contained inside the shades. How does that even work without all of Sburb’s alchemizing gear? Well, I guess if he can build robots, it’s not so much of a stretch...

Teeheeeeeeeee. <3

He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.

Dave’s irony and rad slang combined with Rose’s psychological bullshit, infuriating?? WHAT A SURPRISE.

There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.

Hah, well that answers that question I guess. Did it purposefully give itself away?

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.

Dad’s Bing Crosby laptop?

> Jake: Wear skulltop.

Sigh.

Much better. You look like you mean business. 

You look like a villainous tool!

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

Ah yes, this conversation, continued previously.

GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on. GG: Hoo hoo. GG: I love that thing. :B

Huh, I wonder what kind of conversations Jane and the responder have together. Jane doesn’t seem like the type to put up with too much bullshit.

Seriously, what is the deal with the vine? Also I thought that can said ‘Korn’ for a second and flipped out.

You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later.

RRUUAAARRRGH.

You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.

Well, that’s mysterious, and a bit ominous.

You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.

Hmm. I’ve been talking about how all their houses are the same as the original kids’, but Jake’s is actually rather different. Did her garden get super out of control in this universe?

OH MY GOD IT IS PUMPKINS. And... is that a dreambot capsule?

Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.

How can it be waiting for him if he’s awake? :|a

Speak of the devil fucking dickens.

Heh heh. Only, when he said it before, he didn’t put a space in it, and now I’m picturing Satan sticking it to Charles Dickens. So thanks for that image, Hussie.

TT: Hey, it's me. GT: Oh hey! TT: The auto-responder, I mean. GT: Dammit!

Wow, I actually kind of feel bad for the auto responder, if it’s at all sentient.

GT: Dammit! GT: What is it now? TT: I'm just wondering, TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist. TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say. GT: In regard to what exactly? TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal. GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

So I know I just read what the proposal actually is, but I had a half second of ‘YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED’ before I caught on.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him. TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

AHAHAHA BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST DID THAT. Is that also a reference to the curiously spaced ‘devil fucking dickins’ above?

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me? TT: No, I know you don't want that. TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium. TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Hahaha. So, we know that SBaHJ exists as a movie in this universe, but it seems the comics somehow also exist, unchanged enough that Bro/his auto responder can quote them.

GT: Oh yeah. GT: Well ive thought about it. GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad. GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found. TT: Well yeah, Jake. TT: That's sort of the point. TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

Oh jeez. Did Bro like... modify the dream bot or something?? Otherwise why/how the hell would it be hunting him???

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. GT: I do! GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

Pahahahaha.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win. TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat. TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

Ok, there’s a few things going on here. Some assumptions we can make:

This uranium-powered robot Jake is looking for is going to try and fight him, a la Equius’s robots.

This has happened before.

Jake generally loses.

Also, I noticed the auto responder said ‘it seems’ again. And finally, “conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat” and “it’s all about the journey” sound AWFULLY like Hussie imparting to us some meta commentary about Homestuck itself. I’ve tried to keep away from ending spoilers as much as possible, but I’ve kind of pieced together that reactions to the ending were mixed. Was he sneakily trying to head off any disappointment at the pass here, by reminding us how much we’ve loved what came before?

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake? GT: It seems it seems it seems!!! GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off! GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!! TT: It... TT: Appears TT: That you are upset.

...If that thing isn’t at least somewhat sentient and intentionally fucking with him, I’ll eat my douchey orange hat.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

Bahahaha. Yep, I stand by that.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being? GT: Oh malarkey. GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

...Hmm. Well, I was under the impression that the responder was contained entirely in the shades, but maybe it’s just shades connected to a remote robot body? Also, I really don’t think Jake’s got it right. If the thing is capable of purposefully fucking with him for its own enjoyment, it probably really is capable of emotion, insofar as it was programmed to experience it. Then again, what and why would Bro program it to feel?

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

Ohhh, I see. I could have just kept reading. So the responder really is contained within the glasses, and has specifically called itself an AI. This is cool; I love AI tropes! How did it get programmed? Does it resent the fact that it’s confined to a pair of shades? Does it follow Asimov’s laws? :D

TT: But you're wrong. TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them. TT: It sucks.

:(

GT: Oh. GT: Um. GT: Im sorry then if thats the case. TT: No problem.

‘I’m sorry if I offended you’? That’s a pretty cop-out apology, but the shades don’t seem to mind.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often. GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

Well, I mean, the program is technically intended to replace Bro when he’s unavailable to chat, though Jake has a point about it insisting on its false identity.

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

Not ‘person’ or ‘entity’? Damn, Jake, dass cold.

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

[INSERT MASTURBATION JOKE]

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt! TT: Fuck yes. GT: Sigh... GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Ok, so it’s NOT a dreambot; it is apparently some sort of... bro...bot that Bro sent him. Was it actually built for the express purpose of fucking with him?

AAAAAAH, ROBOT!! So either Bro really is in the shower, doing whatever (papping?), or else he’s actually a robot. I’m... guessing it’s the former. So who is this little guy? He’s wearing a hat like a tool, but he’s actually kinda cute. A sparring robot a la Equius?

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts. TT: Or, correction, DS sent them. TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations. GT: Yeah whatever. TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me. GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!! 

Hah. So maybe Bro’s robot isn’t a sparring bot, but Jake’s is, and he sucks at fighting it. Does he just suck at fighting in general, or is it a terrifying deathbot, and therefore justified?

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings. TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS. GT: Yes. GT: I know. GT: Ive tried that. TT: Yeah? GT: Its just... GT: Well... GT: When hes pulling punches... GT: And taking it all easy and such... GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot... GT: Umm. TT: What. GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become... GT: A bit tender for my liking.

Oh dear god.

TT: I don't understand. TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting? TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

Oh, don’t play dumb; you know exactly what he meant.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking. GT: Just the way he... GT: Sort of... GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind. TT: No, I think I get it. TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

Huh, so is the “brobot” an extension of the AI’s awareness? Can it actually control the robot body? In which case, maybe it’s just the auto responder who has a thing for Jake. Is this some kind of ‘if only I were a real boy’ thing? A Pinocchio metaphor certainly wouldn’t be inapropos. Or should I say, INAPROBRO?? :D :D :D

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you? TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

Eeeecchhhhh. I think I just crossed my legs harder.

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

Is that a thinly veiled ‘shove it up your ass’? :P

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

Is this ironic aggravation, or real aggravation? It’s honestly hard to tell.

GT: Fuckin....... GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

Ahahahaha.

Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.

Woo woooooo!! I have no idea where this will go, but he already seems like a much more self-assured Page than Tavros was. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait just a bit to see how it turns out, because that’s all from me for today! I’ve got weekend work coming up (booo) but I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I’m able, and there’s still plenty of fanwork fest backlog I can chip away at.

Until next time! ^0^

[caredogstips]

Appear the scorch: why do we cherish chilli?

Its not just about the aroma or even the sorenes. In this extract from his new volume, Bob Holmes discloses the pharmacology and psychology behind humanitys heat-seeking desire

Ive been postponing. On my breakfast nook table I have lined up three hot pepper: one habanero, flame-orange and lantern-shaped; one skinny little Thai chicks gaze chilli; and one relatively innocuous jalapeo, ogling by comparison like a big light-green zeppelin. My mission, should I choose to accept, is to eat them.

In ordinary life, Im at least moderately fond of hot pepper. My fridge has three kinds of salsa, a bottle of sriracha, and a container of Szechuan hot bean glue, all of which I use regularly. But Im not extreme: I pick the whole peppers out of my Thai curries and adjust them aside uneaten. And Im a habanero maiden. Its honour as the most wonderful pepper you can easily find in the convenience store has me a little bit unnerved, so Ive never cooked with one, let alone ate it neat. Still, if Im going to write about hot pepper, I ought to have firsthand suffer at the high discontinue of the compas. Plus, Im curious, in a vaguely spectator-at-my-own-car-crash road.

When people talk about flavor, they are generally places great importance on savor and bouquet. But theres a third major flavour sense, as well, one thats often overlooked: the physical perceptions of signature, temperature and sting. The blaze of chilli peppers is the most familiar precedent here, but there are others. Wine mavens speak of a wine-coloureds mouthfeel, a hypothesi that includes the puckery astringency of tannins something tea drunks likewise notice and the fullness of quality that commits figure to a wine. Gum chewers and peppermint devotees recognise the sentiments of minty coolness they get from their confections. And everyone knows the fizzy burn of carbonated drinks.

None of these sensations is a matter of fragrance or flavour. In fact, our third primary flavor feel wings so far under our radar that even flavour wonks havent agreed on a single appoint for it. Sensory scientists are apt to refer to it as chemesthesis, somatosensation, or trigeminal feel, each of which covers a slightly different subset of the feel, and nothing of which intend much at all to the rest of the world. The common theme, though, is that all of these whizs are actually manifestations of our sense of touch, and theyre surprisingly crucial to our experience of smell. Feeling, smell, touch the flavour trinity.

Sensory scientists have known for decades that chilli burn is something different from smell and stench something more like suffering. But the real breakthrough in understanding chilli shine came in 1997, when pharmacologist David Julius and his colleagues at the University of California, San Francisco, eventually distinguished the receptor for capsaicin, the active ingredient in chilli heat. The chore demanded a lot of fortitude: Julius and his team took every gene active in sensory nerve cadres, which respond to capsaicin, and swapped them into cultured kidney cadres, which dont. Eventually, they found a gene capable of doing the kidney cells answer. The gene turned out to encoded a receptor eventually identified TRPV1, and enunciated trip-vee-one that is activated not just by capsaicin but likewise by dangerously red-hot temperatures. In other paroles, when you call a chilli pepper red-hot, thats not just an analogy as much as is your brain can tell, your opening really is being burned. Thats a experience , not a fragrance or flavor, and it delivers to the mentality through nerves that handle the sense of touch.

Like other touch receptors, TRPV1 receptors are received all over the inner layer of your scalp, where they warn you of shine peril from midsummer asphalt, cooking dishes straight-from-the-shoulder from the oven, and the like. But they can only gather up pepper scorch where the protective outer surface is thin enough to let capsaicin participate that is, in the mouth, sees, and a few other situates. This excuses the old Hungarian saying that good paprika flames twice.

Further measures showed that TRPV1 reacts not just to heat and capsaicin but to a variety of other hot meat, including black pepper and ginger. More lately, various more TRP receptors have turned up that open other food-related somatosensations. TRPA1, which Julius calls the wasabi receptor, causes the awarenes of hot from wasabi, horseradish and mustards, as well as onions, garlic and cinnamon. TRPA1 is also responsible for the back-of throat ignite that aficionados appreciate in their extra-virgin olive oil. A good petroleum extradites enough of a ignite to effect a catch in your throat and often a coughing. In knowledge, olive oil tasters charge petroleums as one-cough or two-cough petroleums, with the latter going a higher rating.( One intellect wasabi feels so different from olive oil is that the sulfur-containing substances in wasabi are volatile, so they deliver wasabis characteristic snout ten-strikes, while non-volatile olive oil merely ignites the throat. Olive oil are also welcome to prompt TRPV1 receptors to some extent .) Curiously, TRPA1 is also the hot receptor that rattlesnakes are sufficient to spot their prey on a dark night.

Chilli aficionados get moderately passionate about their pods, picking precisely the right various kinds of chilli for each application from the dozens available. The gap among chilli smorgasbords is partly a matter of smell and flavour: sometimes there sweeter, sometimes there fruitier, some have a dusky profundity to their feeling. But there are differences in the way they appear in your opening, too.

One difference is obvious: hot rank. Chilli experts step a chillis stage of scorch in Scoville heat units, a magnitude first descended by Wilbur Scoville, a pharmacist and pharmaceutical researcher, in 1912. Labor in Detroit, Scoville had the luminous plan that they are able to evaluate a peppers hotness by diluting its remove until tasters could no longer see the burn. The hotter the pepper was initially, the more youd have to dilute it to wash out the blaze. Pepper extract that are required to be diluted exactly tenfold to quench the hot tallies 10 Scoville work unit; a much hotter one that are required to be diluted one hundred thousandfold tallies 100,000 Scovilles.

Nowadays, investigates often avoid the need for expensive boards of tasters by evaluating the chillis capsaicin material instantly in the lab and altering that to Scoville groups. The more capsaicin, the hotter the chilli.

However you weigh it, chillies contradict widely in their heat degree. Anaheims and poblanos are quite mild, tip-off the scale at about 500 and 1,000 Scovilles, respectively. Jalapeos come in around 5,000, serranos about 15,000, cayennes about 40,000, Thai birds see chills near 100,000, and the habanero on my table somewhere between 100,000 and 300,000 Scovilles. From there, gallant minds can endeavour into the truly red-hot, topping out with the Carolina Reaper at a staggering 2.2 million Scovilles, which approaches the potency of police-grade pepper spray.

Many chilli foremen claim that a peppers hot is defined by more than merely intensity. If anyone would know about this it would probably be Paul Bosland, the director of the Chile Pepper Institute at New Mexico State University. As a weed breeder by commerce, he has a keen professional interest in all the minuscule details of how chilli hot distinguished from one cod to the next.

Bosland says he and his colleagues recognise four other components to chilli heat in addition to hot height. The first is how fast the heat starts. Most beings, when they pierce the habanero, it maybe takes 20 to 30 seconds before they experience the hot, whereas an Asian chilli is immediate, he articulates. Nippies likewise differ in how long the scorch lasts. Some, like jalapeos and many of the Asian smorgasbords, fade relatively quickly; others, like habaneros, may loiter for hours. Where the chilli stumbles you also runs. Often, with a jalapeo, its the tip-off of your tongue and lips, with New Mexico pod types its in the middle of the mouth, and with a habanero its at the back, responds Bosland. And fourth, Bosland and his gang is the difference between sharp and flat qualities of flame. Sharp is like rods protruding in your opening, while flat is just a paintbrush, he enunciates. New Mexico nippies tend to be flat while Asian ones tend to be sharp.

Its time to take the plunge. First up, the jalapeo. As youd expect from its comparatively wimpy position in the tabasco pepper abides, it imparts merely a mild incense, which builds gently and mostly at the figurehead of the mouth. Tackled with such a tame incense, I have spate of tending left to focus on its thick, crispy body and dessert, nearly bell-peppery flavour. The Thai birds-eye chilli, second on my register, is much smaller, and its flesh substantiates to be much thinner and tougher. Despite that, though, it almost immediately tells liberate a smash of heat that explodes to replenish my opening from front to back, establishing me gasp for breath. No gradual construct to this one its a sledgehammer blow. If I think hard, I might imagine that the chilli hot is a little bit sharper, pricklier, than the jalapeo. But I could just be fooling myself.

Finally, the one Ive been dreading, the habanero. I cut a tiny slice and start chewing. The first thing that strikes me is how different the aroma is. Instead of a vegetal, bell pepper flavour, the habanero gives me a often sweeter, fruitier impression thats astonishingly pleasant. For about 15 or 20 seconds, anyway and then, gradually but inexorably, the heat erects. And builds. And constructs, long after Ive swallowed the slice of pepper itself, until I cant think up much else besides the volley that crowds my lip. It surely hits farther back in the mouth than the Thai chilli, though theres a late-breaking flare-up on my tongue as well. The whole know lasts five or 10 instants, and even a good half hour afterwards its as though coals are gently sketched in my mouth.

Having set my lip afire, Id now like to quench the burn. Astonishingly, scientists cant give a whole lot of help in this regard. A cold suck certainly helps, because the coolness calms the heat-sensing TRPV1 receptors that capsaicin rouses. The only difficulty as youve without doubt find if youve is seeking to cope with a chilli flame this route is that the effects goes away in exactly a few seconds, as your lip returns to ordinary body temperature. Youve maybe heard, extremely, that carbohydrate and fatten facilitate douse the fire, but health researchers themselves arent entirely convinced.

The best event out there is probably cold, whole milk, reads John Hayes of the department of meat discipline at the University of Pennsylvania. The cold is going to help mask the ignite, the viscosity is going to mask the incense, and the fatty got to go pull the capsaicin off the receptor. When pressed, though, he notes that theres not a lot of data to back that up.

Making a meat more viscous has been shown to damp down flavor probably just because it furnishes a contesting sensation to confuse our tending, Hayes observes, but he cant think up any person who has experimented whether it also increases chilli scorch. And hes not entirely sure that sugar really helps, either. Im not convinced that it actually knocks the hot down, or whether it precisely prepares it more charming, he pronounces. Even the value of paunches or petroleums which sounds like they ought to help wash capsaicin, who the hell is fat soluble, off the receptors is in dispute. If youre feeling the ignite, enunciates Bruce Bryant of the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia, the capsaicin have so far been probed your tissue, so a superficial gargle of whole milk or olive oil isnt able to help much.

Millions of parties actively seek out the sorenes of red-hot breezies as a word of gratification. The ignite features prominently in more than a few of “the worlds” great cuisines, with more than a quarter of “the worlds” person ingesting hot peppers daily. Britain spends 20 m yearly on hot sauce.

We dont take pleasure in eating food thats still searingly red-hot from the oven, even though that gives exactly the same superstar we get from nippies: same receptors, same nerves. We dont have decided to chemically ignite our tongues with strong battery-acids. So why do we happily, even eagerly, inflict hurting by breezies? Whatever the secret is, this appears to unique to humans. No other mammal on the planet has a similar taste for chillies.( Chick eat them enthusiastically, but only because they lack receptors that respond to capsaicin. To a parakeet, the most wonderful habanero is as bland as a bell pepper .)

One possible explanation is that chilli lovers simply dont find the anguish as intensely as those who shun hot peppers. In the laboratories, its surely true that people who are repeatedly exposed to capsaicin become less sensitive to it. Genetics may play some place, extremely. Surveys of identical twins( who share all their genes) and dizygotic twin( who share only half) suggest that genes account for 18 -5 8% of our liking for chilli peppers. Some parties may have most sensitive TRPV1 receptors, for example though Hayes, whos looking into who are currently, says: The jury is truly still out on whether there is meaningful TRPV1 variation.

Its abundantly clear, though, that chilli lovers arent immune to the ache. Just request one. I like it so all my holes open up and weepings are rolling down my appearance, does Hayes. But with two young children in the house, I dont get that quite often. For now, Hayes becomes do with a handy bottle of sriracha hot sauce. My children refer to it as Daddys ketchup, he says.

Its clear from listening to Hayes that he and probably most other chilli eaters actively enjoys the suffering. That inconsistency has attracted the attention of psychologists for several decades now. Back in the 1980 s, psychologist and pioneering chilli researcher Paul Rozin of the University of Pennsylvania proposed that chilli eating is a figure of benign masochism, like watching a unnerving movie or journeying a roller coaster. After all, most forms of anguish are admonishes of imminent impairment. That roasted potato still steaming from the oven is red-hot enough to kill the cadres rowing your mouth, potentially making permanent detriment. But chilli burn except at its uppermost, million-Scoville extreme is a false alarm: a route to get the excite of living on the edge without the risk of disclosing yourself to real danger.

A few years thereafter, Hayes and his student Nadia Byrnes( perhaps the best reputation ever for a tabasco pepper researcher) took Rozins ball and ran with it. If chilli presidents are looking for stimulates, Byrnes and Hayes reasoned, youd expect them to have sensation-seeking temperaments. And, for sure, when they came to the enormous arsenal of tests that psychologists have developed to measure facets of personality, they discovered several measures of hotshot searching, of which the most recent and best was the Arnett Inventory of Sensation Seeking. Then they set out to see whether chilli lovers really do pray excitement.

When Byrnes and Hayes measured roughly 250 voluntaries, they found that chilli lovers were indeed more likely to be agitation seekers than people who shunned chills. And its not only that perception seekers approach all of life with more gusto the effect was specific to nippies. When it is necessary to more boring foods like candy floss, hot dog or skimmed milk, the awarenes seekers were no more likely to partake than their more timid confreres.

Chilli eaters also tended to tally higher on another aspect of personality called sense to reinforce, which quantifies how drawn we are to praise, tending and other external reinforcement. And when health researchers appeared more closely, an interesting pattern developed: superstar searching was the best predictor of chilli eating in ladies, while in souls, sensibility to reward was the very best predictor.

Hayes thinks thats because machismo play-acts a role in the chilli eating of men, but not dames. For women, theres no social status to being able to eat the hottest chilli pepper, while for men there is, he theorizes. Without the heavy hand of machismo on the scale of assessments, womens chilli eating is more strongly governed by their internal drive for excitement.

Incidentally, while chilli lovers laud the charge they get from a spicy bowl, and sometimes claim the peppers wake up their palate to other tones, youll often hear chilli-averse parties complain that the incense keeps them from enjoying other feelings in their banquet. Which is it? The affair has received surprisingly little science studies, but the bottom line seems to be that if capsaicin obstructs other aromas, the effect is small-minded. Most likely, when people complain that they cant experience as well after a spicy sip, its predominantly because theyre paying so much attention to the unfamiliar blaze that the other tones move for the purposes of the radar. In other words, its not red-hot but too hot that intervenes with the happiness of feeling and the threshold where red-hot becomes too hot is a very personal one.

Removed from Flavour: A Users Guide to Our Most Forgotten Feel by Bob Holmes( Ebury Press, 20 ). To prescribe a facsimile for 17, going to see bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p& p over 10, online tells exclusively. Phone orderings min. p& p of 1.99.

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