#you cannot get away from the drama no matter how hard you try because all our lives are soap operas up there!!!

[catboysalmon]

Birthday...approacheth. strange feelings accompanying

[coralinnii]

❋ If you’re a villain, then let me be your accomplice ❋

↳Reincarnated into a new world as the bad guy part 2

feat: Rook

genre: drama, slow burn romance, smitten fools,

note: sequel to reincarnated into a new world as the bad guy Rook ver., historical fantasy setting, sculptor!reader, reader is referred to as “Ma artiste” and “Mon amour” by Rook, no pronouns used with the reader, mentions of beast hunting, 1.8k word count

While it refers to fictional beasts, this touches the controversial topic on hunting which can be sensitive to people. I’m not trying to claim that my own opinions or the opinions in this fic are right and you can have a stance against these opinions. Despite the controversy, I still decided to add this into the story because this world is supposed to mirror the era when this was practiced by people of the time and with Rook as a canonical huntsman, this fits the story well.

I choose to be transparent that this topic will be in this fic and if you are uncomfortable, you are free to ignore this story because I would rather you decide your comfort levels than have people read my story.

Random note: when my laptop died, all my banners are gone so yea…I changed my character banners again

series masterlist

To your dismay, you found yourself facing the consequences for the actions of an obsessive character that convinced the famous knight Rook Hunt to be your fiancé.

Begging the Hunt family, you managed to settle a deal to repay the dowry the Hunt family paid to annul the engagement, since losing this engagement would cost their side more than yours.

Thankfully, the era of this world was the rising age of artistic revolution and the aristocracy was itching to find the newest trend of beauty and creative innovation, which you enthusiastically took as an opportunity to build your name in the field of art as a sculptor, starting off with simple desk ornaments to breathtaking statues.

Perhaps it was your silver lining that your still fiance Rook was a well-known admirer of all things beautiful as with his keen eyes, your sculptures stood out among others due to the added details of your subjects that your fiance pointed out as you work. You were confident in your skills but you owe it to Rook for enhancing the realism in your sculptures.

Initially, guilt ate away at your conscience for not only the forceful engagement you placed upon the knight (even if you weren’t directly responsible) but for also taking his help with your commissions without any benefits to himself. But the green-eyed man did not ever allow you to dwell in such thoughts.

“Non, ma artiste! Your works of art are the fruits of your passion and hard work that cannot be replicated. I may have given some notes here and there but the beauty of each masterpiece you created can only be brought out from your skillful hands.”

Rook smiled as he held your hands, still dirtied with bits of dried clay. The gaze of his bright green makes you feel somewhat self-conscious. You were a noble but you must have ruined the softness of your skin due to your long hours of work and stress. You tried to pull your hands back in embarrassment but your fiance held them firmly in his own gloved pair.

“Every scar, blemish, and crack is a show of your strength, mon amour. I could get lost tracing the lovely lines of your hands if you allow me.”

No matter how many others have praised you or your work, you couldn’t help the unique warmth in your heart that only appears when Rook sings them. But you chalk it up to your body reacting from old feelings held by the original character. It must be, right?

Your commissions have thankfully slowed down enough to give you a well needed break. You were curious to what might taking up the attention of the nobility right now which was how you learned about the bi-annual “Hunt of the Beasts” event.

You were initially terrified to learn the existence of magical beasts in this world and the danger that resides in the dense forests and mountainous lands that borders the kingdom. In order to maintain the beast population for the safety of the people and resources, the imperial family hosts an extravagant event for the knights and local mercenaries in the kingdom to vanquish the beasts. Some may call it barbaric or cruel, but for the safety of the villages and farms that reside near these beasts’ territories, it was an unfortunate necessity that is at least maintained by the imperial family to avoid excessive hunting that disrupts the delicate balance of the population.

Rook was a frequent participant of the hunt and of course he was going to be a participant. Typically, partners of the participants would attend the event as spectators waiting by the designated zones among other visitors. However, you were too new to this world and this will be the first hunt for you where you will surely come across images you weren’t sure you were prepared for.

Giant beasts…even thinking of their corpses. It’s too overwhelming.

You expressed your discomfort with Rook and despite his experience as a seasoned participant, offered words of understanding to you. The knight suggested that you could sit out from the event and he could explain to any curious busybody that you were not feeling well.

Once again, Rook warmed your heart with his words but there was some guilt still left behind within you. Despite the loveless engagement, Rook has wholeheartedly supported you in your passion and your work despite his own inexperience in the field, but you couldn’t bring yourself to accept something that he as a knight and huntsman took pride in. You allowed your fear win over and it left a bitter feeling in your heart.

The day has finally arrived and the dense forest that bordered the kingdom was busy with attendees of all status. Many have come to join to spectate and support the brave men and women who have trained to battle the dangerous beasts that lurk within the land that was darkened by wild greenery. Aides from the imperial palace watched over the event as participants were informed of the rules of the hunts; what to expect, what to capture, and what to avoid lest they choose to face punishment.

Rook surveyed his surroundings as he finished his last preparations. He saw both familiar faces and newcomers that hope to make a name for themselves today. Tents were filled with important families and even visiting guests from nearby lands either to observe or participate themselves. But he doesn’t see a glimpse of your figure.

Not that he expected it. He respected your choice not to attend the event. It could be that he has become too desensitized by the presence of beasts and monsters due to his work that he has forgotten how frightening it could be for a civilian to witness them in person.

Maybe during his hunt, he could find some wild flowers to bring back to you when he visits you later. Would you feel better if he did? You had such a conflicted expression on your face last he saw you so maybe a bouquet of rare flowers could brighten your mood, even bring you some inspiration for your art. Would you feel grateful, perhaps even smile for him as you call his name in appreciation…

“Rook.”

Ah, he could even hear you right now.

“Rook?”

A rare occurance, Rook was actually spooked to suddenly feel your presence behind him. The blonde knight did not sense you standing there, with him…at the Hunt of the Beasts.

“Mon amour, you surprised me!” His green eyes almost couldn’t believe it. “I thought you’d chose not to attend this year.”

To be fair, you’re surprised yourself. The whole idea of this event still feels unreal to you and your fear of witnessing something you’re not mentally ready for is still there. Even so…

“I want to support you, like you always have with me” you whispered shyly but Rook could clearly hear your voice at this distance. He then saw in your hands a small woven charm bracelet, a common blessing given to participants like him.

During the Hunt of the Beasts, traditions came about among the participants and non-participants. Those who participated in the hunt would offer their game as an offering to their lover as a show of devotion and strength to protect them from harm. In addition, non-participants could give a blessed items to the participant of their choice as a show of admiration or to wish them safety during the hunt.

You noticed the knight’s gaze and you felt more nervous than before. As this was your first attendance, this was also the first time offering a blessing to someone. When you told your servant you were going to the hunting event, he graciously gave you a woven bracelet and suggested that you offer it to your “lover”, much to your embarrassment.

But then you noticed the knight more closely and saw that he already had a number of bracelets and ribbons peeking out from his left arm sleeve. You supposed despite his eccentricity, Rook was still a very talented knight and quite attractive to people of all social status. Even if he was technically a taken man, this did not stop admirers from showing favour towards him with blessed charms and ribbons.

Mortified, you tried to hide the small bracelet as you put on a smile. “Since it was tradition, I thought I should bring you something but I should have guessed that you would have plenty of blessings from others. Adding more would probably be burdensome-“

You flinched slightly when you felt your hands being captured by another pair. You saw Rook’s gloved hands stopping your own but he had such an unreadable look in his eyes that you couldn’t tell what was on his mind.

“Rook?” The call of his name seemed to have woken him from his trance as Rook quickly gave you a smile before he spoke.

“Mon amour, I would be honoured to receive your blessing.” Releasing his grip on you, Rook removed the glove on his right hand where unlike his counterpart hand, was empty. “Would you please place it upon me?”

Nodding your head, you gently wrapped the woven bracelet around Rook’s wrist, careful not to tighten the knot too much since this was Rook’s dominant hand. You tried not to think too much about how he allowed your blessing and only yours on his right hand and not with the rest on his non-dominant hand.

“It doesn’t mean anything.” you tried to focus on something else and rested your eyes on Rook’s hand. It was not often you see it as the blonde-haired man tends to wear gloves as part of his uniform but you could see the rough calluses and scars littered about his fingers and palm. The skin of his hand was smoother than you expected (probably due to his friendship with the Schoenheit heir) but you can tell how hard Rook must have trained to be as skilled as he was today. How diligent this man is which earned the respect of many. While caressing his warm hand, you absentmindedly echoed the words he once spoke to you.

“Every scar, blemish, and crack is a show of your strength…How beautiful.”

Realizing what you just said aloud, you quickly let go of Rook’s hand before rushing to create distance between the two of you (when did you get so close to begin with?!).

“There, all done!” you did your best to hide your embarrassment with a smile. “I’ll be in one of the tents until the hunt is over. I wish you luck!”

With a quick bow, you rushed into a tent that was open, too flustered to look back and face your fiance.

A shame, really. Because you missed the opportunity to see a rare image of Rook with a rosy shade blooming across his cheeks and ears.

[vanha-paholainen]

And another Viktor headcanon!

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who paid attention to my post and appreciated it. I don't want to whine and put pressure on pity, but there is an imperialist war going on in my country, devouring and cruel, and I am no longer sure that it will end any good. It pretty much spoils my and everyone's morale. That's why it's important for me to distract myself and share my thoughts with you. Thanks for the support! As for the headcanons, I want to say that Vicky from the first season is mainly taken into account here. Second... Well, we all know what happened in the second one. If you're interested, I'll sign the headcanons for him from the second season.

— Viktor often falls, and over the years these falls are more and more painful. He has constant bruises and abrasions on his knees. It's hard for him to get up: he mostly rests with one hand on a crutch, the other on the ground, and spends two or three minutes doing this. It is for this reason that he tries not to cross rails and roads, because he is afraid of not being able to get up soon enough from an accidental fall.

— Viktor hates stairs, and I guess that doesn't need to be explained. Sometimes he crawls over them, and it looks pretty scary and sad. If someone sees him in this state, they naturally try to help him, but he prefers to climb on his own. Even so. Viktor's pride does not allow him to admit that it is difficult for him to climb. It's not that he's stupid at all: he just doesn't want to fully admit how sick he is, because if he does, one more of the few things in life that he treasured will be lost: a sense of self-respect. It cannot be said that he considers his illness to be something worthy of discrimination, he is essentially against any humiliation of dignity, but its presence sometimes makes him hate himself and feel ashamed. After all, it's the only thing he can't control.

— Viktor loves dairy products very much, but he can't always eat them, which is why he sometimes stays in a bad mood. By the way: meals affect his mood more than he would like. Viktor does not like to admit his humanity and is guided by his old "they can — I can't" attitude, which I touched on in my previous post, which is why sometimes he deliberately rejects food that he would like to treat. This is not infantilism, it is a consequence of deep loneliness and the trauma of rejection that permeates all aspects of his life. It is as if he is trying to push away from everything that can connect him with a sick and imperfect body.

— In his spare time, Viktor either sleeps or reads science fiction, sometimes in his head scolding the author and coming up with improvements to this or that invention from the book. However, fiction is still not his strong suit. Viktor does not understand the excessive drama that often happens in fiction, and he does not like grotesque and exaggeration, because everything that does not correspond to realism seems to him too naive and pretentious. What can you do, he is a genius of mechanics and bioengineering, not the humanities. He would rather read a textbook on quantum physics or a journal of scientific articles on astronomy than be carried away by a novel about love, betrayal and revenge.

— He has glasses for reading small texts.

— His migraines are sometimes triggered by Jayce's loud voice.

— Because of his life in Zaun in unsanitary conditions, Viktor is distinguished by his zealous love of cleanliness. Once, he gassed cockroaches in the academy dormitory on his own, because he could not tolerate their presence. No matter how bad it is for him, he gets up and cleans his house every day, because he believes that work is ennobling, and a clean room is the key to a clean mind.

— Victor is a Virgo according to the zodiac sign with an ascendant in Aquarius.

Also I have playlist for Vik, but it's in VKontakte (russian social network). Let me know if you want to hear it on YouTube! (I don't have enough money for Spotify).

[uptoolateart]

Having had time to process the Season 5 finale, and read people’s very interesting takes on it, my one remaining issue with it is…Adrien and Marinette’s character arcs.

Looking at Adrien first...he was on a journey, man. He started out so naïve and helpless, like this precious little bundle of light and joy who wanted to love everyone. You knew it wouldn’t last. You only hoped he retained that spirit even after he was broken...and you knew he’d break hard.

We watched him grow. Strike Back was huge. Season 5 was huge. We saw him speak up and try to take action. That fight with Gabriel in Representation? One of the best things in the show, in my opinion – what I’d been waiting for, for five seasons.

But what I’ve been saying for years is…I didn’t want him to be ‘saved’. I wanted him to save himself - with her support, of course. After all that growth, I didn’t want him to continue to be the damsel in distress. It doesn’t matter that it’s a boy being saved by a girl, this time. Sure, that turns tables, but it’s not enough. Boys shouldn’t need coddling any more than girls. I wanted partnership.

Maybe I built it up too much in my head. It doesn’t help that I wrote my own Season 5 before the TV version started airing. I guess it’s taking me some time to let go of my ideas and accept that none of it went remotely the way I expected. In a way…that’s a good thing. It’s good to be surprised. Just…

I wanted Adrien to face off with his father, knowing who he was. I wanted him to see his mother and learn the truth of it all. I wanted him to get that closure. I didn’t want everyone continuing to lie and keep him in the dark as if he’s still the same naïve, helpless, precious little bundle of light and joy he was at the start of the whole story.

I’m okay with Gabriel winning. I was actually hoping that would happen, because it’s a great idea. It was also such a Chekov’s gun – we had to see it happen, after all that teasing. Not to mention, there was no way they’d simply kill Gabriel or lock him away in prison, because both would have been too anticlimactic after all the drama. We needed something big and we got it.

I just wanted Adrien to be there for it. Not off-screen, locked in a room. And I know, I know, he took part in the battle in his own way, by having the self-awareness to remove his ring in order to save humanity and avert a Cat Blanc scenario. But Ladybug doesn’t even know what he did. She doesn’t know the extent of the part he played. She thinks she saved him. But he saved her, too…and everyone else in the world…and even he probably doesn’t realise that in full, because he doesn’t know just how bad it could have been, had he learned Monarch was his father.

Looking at Marinette…she has spent this whole show keeping secrets from people. Cat Noir really deserves to know about Cat Blanc - how much trouble has that secret caused? Now she’s keeping from Adrien the whole fact that his father was the villain, and that it all revolved around his mother. When is she going to learn that it’s not up to her to decide what someone should or shouldn’t know? That she doesn’t need to treat this boy like fragile porcelain? You cannot be in a relationship with someone where you treat them like a child. That’s called being his mother, not his girlfriend or partner.

Unless she doesn’t know. I keep coming back to this, in my mind. Maybe in this reality, she’s under the same delusions as Adrien and remembers things differently. Maybe she’s been duped into thinking Gabriel was a hero, too, because he changed everything for everyone in it, including her. If so…yeah, that’s really interesting…and horrible….

But I still wish Adrien had been there.

I just wanted him in the basement. Is that too much to ask for??? In Risk, we saw him pick up that eyepiece thing Felix left behind in the mansion. He pocketed it. He was meant to use it at some point, to find the spots on the painting and find the lift and find the basement. It never materialised, I think because they changed plans when the show got signed for more seasons. That scene was meant to happen and I can’t stand that it didn’t. I accept everything else. I just wanted him in that finale.

And as awesome as Marinette was, unifying the miraculous like no other holder before...it kind of showed that she could do the whole thing without him...and I’m not okay with that. She needs to know what he did.

So, now I’m back where I already was, waiting for everyone to realise he isn’t made of glass and he can stand on his own. Come on, Adrien, come on – show them all what we know you’re made of!

[princessamericachavez]

A chaotic series of terrible choices my brain came up with BUT IMAGINE:

Ravi gets tired of Buck and Eddie dancing around their feelings

Ravi decides to take matters into his own hands

The “great idea”? Flirt with Buck the next time they go out drinking.

The catch? He doesn’t expect for Buck to play along.

Until Eddie, who’s been biting his tongue for most of the night and trying not to let it bother him makes one bitchy jealous comment…

…and Ravi’s is like “what’s the problem”

So of course Eddie smiles with hostility and is like “hey, you two can do whatever you want, it’s really not my problem”

Which is OBVIOUSLY A LIE

Except Buck doesn’t catch the lie and is suddenly hurt.

His emotional reaction? Making out with Ravi.

And this is NOT going where Ravi planned but hey Buck’s hot and he’s young and not blind and okay kissing him is fun

And Eddie is about to burst something from clenching his jaw so hard. He excuses himself to the bathroom

Ravi makes an excuse to go too and, no, Buck, I’m good going alone thanks.

Except maybe he’s not that good because before he knows it he’s being ambushed by a very serious Eddie who is telling him not to play with Buck’s feelings because, despite the looks of it, Buck cannot do casual and carefree and will get attached and give his heart to nearly anyone and it’s not fair for Ravi to hurt him just for a fun night out

Cue: pikachu Ravi

But before Eddie can stomp away he recovers and he’s like “pretty sure I’m not the one that hurt him tonight” because SERIOUSLY

Cue: pikachu Eddie

But Ravi does tone it down because maybe he took it a little too far

Until they are leaving the bar and Buck makes some offhand comment about a nightcap and Ravi has to stop him and let him know that he’s very cute and very fun, but Ravi’d rather not sleep with someone just because they are trying to get over somebody else, thanks, while pointedly looking at Eddie

Cue to: pikachu Buck

And Ravi takes that as HIS cue to leave, so he quickly speeds over to Hen and asks for a ride and OMG HEN I THINK I FUCKED UP

(Hen’s been noticing the drama all night and said nothing because this is better than her reality shows and Karen will want a play-by-play)

Until Hen tells him to be quiet and watch, and they see from the rear view mirror how Buck and Eddie stay talking in the parking lot OBVIOUSLY FLIRTING and then they get an Uber together and drive off.

And Ravi is like DID I FINALLY DO IT?! but Hen’s like “kid, pls, do you know how many times we’ve seen them do this and then they come back on Monday and literally nothing happened? Do you think you’re the first one to take matters into their own hands??”

And that’s how Ravi finds out that literally everyone has tried at least once to make this happen and how his terrible plan (with a fun side of flirting and kissing) doesn’t even make it to the top five of most disastrous results.

[scepterno]

you've given me all the validation i need, and so i am coming out of the woodworks to further spread my josé redemption arc propaganda

because to josé it's one thing to see his little brother open and vulnerable, and choose not to use that to hurt him. it's one thing to try and offer whatever comfort he can, put those people skills to use and figure out how to best help his little brother. it's one thing to be trusted and looked to for stability when in crisis

it's an entirely different thing to be vulnerable, to be offered comfort, to trust. that's the hard part. that's what's terrifying

josé can feel the cold heaviness on his chest from the moment he opens his eyes. it's a phenomenon he's dealt with for years and years now, this churning tightness in his chest, urging him to look away from people's eyes, to hunch his shoulders, to stay where he is and just curl up in bed. it doesn't pop up very often, only a couple of times a year and it's only lasts for about a day or two at max. this somehow feels worse than all the other times

of course josé never listened to it. he's a burromuerto, he's not about to be defeated by some silly, fleeting sentiment. it doesn't matter how much the thought of having to talk to others, having to represent his and his family's value makes him want to hide away in his room and never come out. he's the perfect son, he's not weak. he worked hard to be where he is, to have the reputation he has now, he's not about to ruin it with some cheap excuse for laziness and moping

and just like every other time he's felt like this, josé ignores it and gets on with his routine. he's meant to meet up with alejandro in about 20 minutes, they are to go to the mall and hang out for some time, then head back to his apartment to catch the first airing of some new tv drama they're making their next target, easy as that

he could call it off, something treacherous and pathetic whines in the back of his mind. he could make up some excuse about being sick and he could just get back in bed

he shuts that thought off quickly. no. absolutely no way. he's not some weak pansy. he's josé burromuerto, he's not about to wuss out of something because of some shameful little pressure in the back of his throat. he's ignored it just fine every other time, went about charming people and talking to them as he's meant to, perfect and confident and unshakeable. he can do it again

he makes sure his grin looks real when he greets alejandro, makes sure his voice is strong and his shoulders set as he talks, makes sure he's every bit the man he prides himself on being, makes sure to hide every bit of that disgusting weakness inside of him. he does not falter. he does not fail. he cannot

he keeps the act up all the way back to his apartment, walking a step ahead of alejandro, barely pausing to kick his shoes off before stepping deeper into the livingroom, still talking animatedly, voice steady and posture perfect. he makes sure every part of him is presentable and flawless. anything less is unacceptable

he only falters when alejandro calls his name suddenly, cutting him off mid sentence. josé turns to look at him and sees him standing at the threshold of the room, something...uncertain in his expression. he walks closer to josé, peering at his face with enough intensity to make josé want to avert his eyes. he doesn't

alejandro continues before josé can respond. "you seem off today," he says, concerned gaze searching for something josé desperately hopes he cannot find. "are you okay?"

josé can only blink at the question. he blinks again. and then again. and he keeps blinking, trying to get rid of the heaviness, the burning in his eyes. he opens his mouth to respond and his voice catches at the first syllable, stuck behind something heavy in his throat. he's tearing up, josé realizes to his own horror. he's crying

he snaps his gaze away, hoping to keep at least some of his dignity intact, mind racing for a way out of this situation. he forces a laugh, hopes alejandro can't hear how wet it is, makes some snarky remark about alejandro's eyesight and tries to rapidly bite back the urge to snap and lash out. don't make a scene don't make a scene you can't you can't stop no no no--

he flinches when something touches the back of his head, eyes cutting back to focus on alejandro again. his face is twisted with something vile and pitiful, and josé doesn't need anyone's pity, least of all alejandro's-

but before he can make out the words, the hand on the nape of his neck pulls him forward and straight into alejandro. he's left wide eyed as his face presses into alejandro's shoulder, his head tilted down an inch to accommodate for their height difference. he doesn't move a muscle as alejandro collapses his cane and tucks it away, his now free hand coming to wrap around josé shoulders

"you don't have to pretend, hermano," he says softly, "not with me." and josé-- josé feels something inside him, something that's been stretched thin to it's limit and then some, worn and ragged from overuse, finally rip apart. it's not an explosive, violent thing. it doesn't snap to strike at anyone in range, simply falls apart now that the pressure is gone, tired and done

and josé's vision grows cloudy as tears fill his eyes and flow down his cheeks, he feels his face contort and his brow draw together in misery. his shoulders begin shaking as he curls inward, his breathing grows ragged and uneven, and in the end he can't resist the urge to close his eyes tight and tilt his head to hide against alejandro's shoulder. his hands come up to clutch at alejandro's shirt and in response he feels the arms around him tighten, pulling him firmly against a solid body

and they stay like that, josé doesn't even know for how long, in the middle of his livingroom, crowded in each other's space, josé with his face tucked into alejandro's shoulder, sobs he hasn't let loose in long, long years shaking his entire frame as he gasps around the clump in his throat. all the while alejandro keeps a strong hold of him, rubbing at the short hair on the back of his head and occasionally murmuring words that josé only half catches. they stay like that, alejandro holding him together while he breaks apart in his arms

sorry if this was a bit too out of character, i just felt like josé should be given a chance to have a miserable day where all it takes is one person asking you if you're okay for you to break down. and at one point he's gonna need to be weak and vulnerable in front of another person if he wants the comfort he never received as a child

oh

[angeart]

hello asks part 3 here (i hope you dont mind i find it easier to organize my thoughts and what i want to say like this)

hhhhhhh ari au art

that art is awesome i love the lighting in the first one and the framing of the last one is so interesting it really shows just how invasive the press and the outside world all is i also love the posing of the second one and its just. they cant get away from it. from the pressure and the anxiety and the news and all those opinions

each step in the art is a deterioration of grians situation in that au idk i think its interesting that these are the pics you were inspired to make theyre so good i love your art

and yeah it is darker in some ways than hhau, because it deals so heavily with active suicidal impulses and its a different type of dark. hhau is so focused on the fear and desperation and trying to escape, where as the ari au feels like pressure bearing down on grian and a lack of way out.

its just........... hard

grians stuck in a really hard place and i get why she cant find a way out for herself because it would likely require starting over completely and even that might not get them away from the public and that would require him to fully give up on something that brought him so much joy even if it also brought pain and anxiety.

anyway my most coherent expression of my thoughts and feelings about ari au consists of this:

qoiuwheajishuiawfdosugyhiewjorwsdfgyuhijoqwepdghusjoipahpiuwpajsd

-burny anon

i do find it easier too when the topics are split across asks so this is good!

YAY ARI AU! wahhh thank u for liking the art 🥺❤️

i picked those scenes because ben suggested i draw a sort of 'then' vs 'now' comparison, and i thought of doing it from the perspective of photos the press could get. i have one more sketch tucked away that is a private moment of scar and grian that i might draw one day. we'll see.

and yeah. yeah, they absolutely cannot get away from it, from the scrutiny, the pressure, the sense of privacy absolutely crumbling into something non-existent. together with the sense of self outside of all of these expectations and being constantly observed, every action or word an opportunity to be misinterpreted without anyone asking them what the truth is. (they don't have a voice here; they're just there to provide drama and entertainment. to be consumed. their consent in this does not matter.)

the press and the stalkers and (some of) the fans don't care about grian as a person. grian—ari—is an idea, an idol. they craft her to be perfect in their eyes (something nobody can live up to and remain seen as a human being), only to decide they then need to tear down and decimate that perfection.

it's just so harrowing and horrible.

you know, grian started with a dream. he just wanted to sing and have fun and be seen. (not like this. not like this.)

now some people might sneer and point, saying he's got exactly what he wanted: she is seen. she will never not be seen again.

i think ari au is so dark not only because of the topics, but also because it feels so real? hhau has hybrids and different world, wings and magic and whatnot. but this? this has none of that. this is set into a real world, and they're just normal human beings, struggling. and there's no easy solution or a way out.

love your thoughts on this au hehe <3

[teecupangel]

You know Desmond is really unlucky with how his bloodline like he got the Kenway drama and bad fathers genes from his from one side and the non-existent mother genes on Altaïr's side where instead if you flip them you get Desmond's father (whose name suddenly escapes me) dying while Desmond is young and Desmond either raised by his mother who might be better idk but it'd be hard to do worse than (insert des's dad's name here)

Uuuhhh… well, his mother’s personality has never been explored all that well.

The most we know of her, as far as I know, is that she had been worried and trying to find Desmond when he ran away and that she knew that her husband’s personality can be considered quite cold but she’s used to it and it’s from Assassin’s Creed Encyclopedia p182 (the White version):

“While William’s wife has always been able to deal with this emotional distance, young Desmond could not.”

This could either mean that it was a loveless marriage that may or may not have been amicable OR they had the kind of love where they didn’t need to show it to know that they love each other.

I personally believe that Desmond doesn’t hate his mother. Whenever he talks about her, there’s always this feeling of wistfulness in it. While we cannot be sure what kind of mother she was, it’s clear that Desmond cares for her in some way.

At the very least, he feels some kind of guilt for leaving her when he didn’t feel the same way for Bill.

So in this situation where Bill died while Desmond was young, there’s a higher chance of Desmond not leaving the Farm.

Of course, Bill’s death could easily change his wife and Desmond would now have to deal with a grieving mother who might want to finish Bill’s training.

The grief of losing her husband could just as easily turn to fear of losing her son and that fear would force her to push her son to work harder, to become stronger.

In turn, making her just as bad or even worse than Bill.

On the other hand, losing Bill could be the trigger that makes have a more active part in Desmond’s training with the fear of losing her son making her dote on Desmond more.

We can never be sure how one would react to the lost of someone they love after all.

But what if it had been a loveless marriage?

Then the most that would change would probably be his mother taking a more active role in his life.

So it really boils down to what kind of mother you would want Desmond to have.

The only limitation is that, no matter what kind of mother she is, she did not have the power or she directly didn’t intervene with how Bill treated Desmond.

.

.

My go to ‘mother’ is usually one that’s cold towards Bill and only married and had a child with him because of it was her duty. Why? Because I like to add more drama to Desmond’s life.

She’s usually the one who give Desmond tips when he’s having trouble with training, being the one to teach him how to use fae lies and to close and open his hands to the timing of his slow breathing whenever he’s starting to panic.

She cares for Desmond and tries to be gentle with him but she has a heavy sense of duty to the Brotherhood as a descendant of the Ibn-La'Ahad and her complicated relationship with Bill and Bill’s focus on raising Desmond makes her a bit more distant than she or Desmond would have liked to each other.

When Desmond left, that’s when her carefully created mask of indifference fell apart and she tried to look for him desperately.

That kind of personality would have stepped up after Bill’s death and train Desmond the way she had been trained and the way she wished she had been trained.

In that kind of scenario, there’s a chance that Desmond would actually grow up to be more like Altaïr than the Desmond we all know and love.

.

Personally, I think canonically Bill’s wife does love him (who may or may not have already died in the attack on the Farm if the way Bill sides away from Desmond's request to talk to her in AC3 was any indication). I just like writing her as having a complicated relationship with Bill and Desmond so Desmond inherits the Kenway family drama XD. (which can be seen a bit in The Shadow’s Endgame)

[kristi16]

How we got into inchident p.6

pairing: charles leclerc x female reader warnings: smut, loving sex, angst, fluff words: 3.3K summary: You attend this gala event, Daniel is making you feel uncomfortable again and Charles is nowhere to be found. Thanks to this, he experiences what is like to make love to you ______________________________________________________________

We got into his car. I acknowledged myself how slightly nervous I am. Because I am basically arriving at this gala meet as his...company. Right. Because we are like not together. Even though he marked me from the very first beginning but still. As I was waiting till Charles open my door, I just remembered who the fuck I am and got my confidence back. I don't have to be afraid of anything. Because I am always protected. No matter what. Charles opened the door, I smiled and got out. So many flashlights and camera pointing at us. I covered my eyes with my hand. ''Take my sunglasses love'' He handed me them and I put them on. I could finally see where I was going. Charles was leading but I don't even know how he could manage with so many flashlights. When we got inside, there were plenty of people. Charles held me by my waist. He loved your waist. Anyway, we were passing some people and got to Ferrari team. We greeted each other and they weren't even surprised that they saw us together. I guess it was obvious. Hard to tell. We spoke for a little and then Charles told me he must greet some great people in here but doesn't want me to come. It won't be fun he said. I just nodded and went to grab a glass of champagne.

''Well, Y/N.'' I've heard behind me. I turned around and saw Daniel. ''Oh, hi Daniel.'' He got surprised. ''Not a Danny anymore?'' he smiled mischievously. I just smiled shyly. ''You look gorgeous.'' ''Yeah, thanks.'' I told him while looking around. I really didn't want to talk to him. At all. ''What do you have here?'' he said teasingly. I turned my head and looked at him. He already had his fingers around my necklace from Charles. ''Wow, he is marking his territory. Like his little slut.'' *Gulp* And that is when I got frustrated. And mad at him. For saying such words to a lady. I grabbed his hand and tried to push it away from me. But he held his position while looking at me. His eyes full of lust and desire. ''For fuck's sake back off Daniel!'' I said with a higher voice. ''HEY!'' I got startled and Daniel as well. He lost his grip so I had the chance to take his hands off of me. My savior was Max as I discovered. ''Is there some problem or what?'' he told with this face of his which basically means don't try me. Daniel just chuckled, looked at me with this signal that this was not over. And walked away. Then Max stood in front of me, approaching me from the side where he was initially. ''Hey, you alright?'' he asked. ''Yeah, I guess so........... But clearly this is not fine! He just cannot back off. I've told him. I tried to push him, but it didn't work.'' ''I know.'' ''I'm just frustrated. And scared.'' He was looking at me. I said shyly afterwards. ''Sorry. Too much talking haha.'' ''No, not at all. It's just you should talk to Charles about it.'' ''Yeah. I know. And you are right.'' He just nodded and was heading back from where he came. ''Max?'' He turned his head. ''Yeah?'' ''Thank you.'' ''It's nothing.'' ''No, it's not. It could have ended differently. But you were a good man and I thank you for that.'' He nodded again and left. And I was left alone once again. Slightly scared that whenever I go, I will be alone and Daniel's going to wait for me. I don't even know what was happening. I've thought of getting out of this place. Going somewhere where it is quiet. I just wanted to enjoy some time alone. Without all of these extranjeros *people I don’t know*. So I sneaked out through the back door. I didn't want to be seen leaving gala without Charles. Probably just another unnecessary drama. And I have enough of it because of Daniel.

These people. I'd rather much be with ma cherie. I looked around from the balcony but couldn't see her down there. ''Excuse me, gentlemen.'' I went down to check upon my cherie. When I was walking down the stairs I got approached. ''So. You marked your new territory hm?'' Daniel spoke to me. This one I don't have energy for. I just hissed at him. Walked around him and searched for Y/N. I couldn't find her, so I thought of toilets. I went up to look and carefully ask if she is not inside. But nothing. Now I got uncomfortable. Where is she?? I went down again, desperate to find her there. I saw Max how he is looking at me, I approached him. ''Hey, mate. Do you know where Y/N is?'' ''No, I actually don't know. But I wouldn't be surprised if she had just left.'' I got confused a little bit. ''Why would she do that?'' ''Because Daniel was kind of harassing her and you were nowhere so. Probably left.'' '' WHAT DO you MEAN that Daniel was harassing her??'' ''Well, I didn't see much. But I saw her how defensive she was, so I went towards them and heard her say back off Daniel, but he was clearly not listening. I had to intervene. Because he was holding her necklace and didn't want to stop. She was there totally alone, mate.'' Now I get his comment on the stairs. This little fucker. Fuck. I messed up big this time. I am stupid. I got frustrated. ''I would search for her. And Daniel- just deal with him later, ok? She has told me that she is scared.'' I titled my head and pat him on the arm. ''Thank you.'' He just nodded and I went to search for her. In this unknown city. I tried to call her, but nothing. Texts, nothing as well.

I had my eyes closed when enjoying the peace around me. I felt so much better now. I got shivers down my spine from the cold, so I decided to go back home. Charles won't probably be there yet so I still will have time for me myself and I. When I arrived to the hotel and opened the door, there was already light inside. I saw Charles sitting on the bed. Looking frustrated. When he acknowledged me, he immediately got up and went towards me. I closed the door and was confused about this. He hugged me. I hugged him back but not with such a strength. ''Hey, what's wrong? Are you alright?'' I asked. ''ME?'' he snapped. ''Are you kidding? Of course, I'm not alright. I left you at the fucking gala meet alone with fucking Daniel to whom I couldn't even protect you from because I was elsewhere, and Max had to do the job for me! And when I know all of this, I couldn't find you on top of that! You don't answer my calls or texts. Jesus Y/N, what do you have phone for?!'' he yelled.

I frowned. Frustrated a little bit about it. ''Charles I was scared. I am scared to be left alone anywhere near Daniel. He grabbed my necklace and just held it for too long. I tried to push him off, but he resisted. I literally had no chance.'' Charles cupped my face and rested his forehead on mine. ''Mon amour, I am sorry. So so sorry. It won't happen again. I'm won’t leave you next time.'' I just listened. Not saying anything. ''Charles, I'm very scared.'' ''I know. I know. I will deal with him later. Now you are important. And I need you to feel safe now with me.'' We stayed quiet for some time. I was lost in my thoughts. ''He told me I'm like your little slut.'' Charles pulled himself back a little bit so he could stare into my eyes. His hands still cupping my face. I looked down. He didn't tell anything. Instead, he started to kiss my jaw. Very gently. Touching me like I am some fragile vessel. All of a sudden, he grabbed me under my knees and lifted me up. I squeaked a little bit. Smiled. He let me fall back on the bed. ''Can I take this off?'' he was asking about my dress. I just nodded. And laid my head down.

I wanted to make her feel safe with me. But when I've heard those words from her I had to show her that she is certainly not a slut to me. She is a woman I adore and love so much. And I needed to show her. I chose to be gentle and loving right now this night. I put her down on the bed. Got rid of her dress and kissed her all over body. Sweetly, innocently. Just very much gently. When I got between her thighs I stopped. Waiting, asking for a permission. She hummed and moved with her hips towards me. So I took it as a yes. I inhaled her scent, driving me crazy immediately. She tastes like heaven. Sweet heaven. I could do this my whole life. I rubbed my cheeks against her folds and felt how she is shaking under me. I was so lost in heaven I didn’t recognize she is whining and wanting more. I went back on her and sucked on her clit. Bringing her to her peak soon. I pushed two fingers inside of her tight pussy and stretched her out. She cried out my name. Like she always does. I looked up and saw this beauty melting under my touch. Feeling that she is feeling great right now. Worshipped. I sucked harder, pushed harder and that is when she came. I helped her coming through her high with still licking her and fucking her with my fingers and when her breath slowed down I did as well. Resting for some time between her legs. She suddenly went for a sitting position. I got up looking at her what is she doing now. She went for my trousers. I titled my head. ''No mon amour. Not tonight. I need you to know that you are much more than sex to me. And I don't want you to give me anything tonight. Just receive. Be a good girl and receive. Feel how I'm taking care of you. Making you feel good without expecting anything back.'' she stared at me for some time. With this expression like she didn't want it that way. I supposed. But then she just nodded. She laid down, me as well right next to her. I held her in my arms. ''How are you feeling now?'' ''Better, Charles. But I just wanted to have a sex with you. Feel connected to you. You know? Sex is so much more than penetration Charles.'' I've thought about it for some time. Perhaps I could try and make love to her. But it is so hard not to fuck her hard when she is driving me crazy. I’m like a mad man when it comes to have a sex with her. I’m certainly not gentle or loving. But I care about her too much, I wanted to please my woman. ''And you still want to?'' ''Yeah.'' She said quietly. I rushed and got on top of her. Positioning myself between her. She moaned a little bit just by the sight and I started to lose it. ''Fuck.'' My head immediately falling down, I inhaled sharply to calm myself down. She pulled herself up, on her elbows. Her tits jiggling from side to side. I couldn't take my eyes off it. ''Charles, what's wrong?'' I inhaled sharply again. ''Y/N, I can't.'' ''What do you mean you can't?'' ''I-wanted-'' I  looked into her eyes now. ''I wanted to make love to you. But when I saw you under me, I see those perfect tits of yours, I just immediately want to fuck you so hard so you will scream my name. In pain, in pleasure. And I don't want this. Not tonight. When I need to make you feel safe and protected.'' There was some quiet time for a bit. ''I understand. But if you won't try you will never know If you are capable of it.'' I looked into her eyes once again. ''I can try. But-'' ''No but Charles. I have faith in you.'' I just nodded slightly. I looked down, on my dick slowly disappearing into her. So tight, so wet. I almost lost it again.

Charles groaned so hard when he got inside. I moaned just from this scene. After few slow and gentle thrusts, he snapped and punched the headboard with his fist. Startling me. Charles stopped moving, completely. ''I'm sorry. I have to fight it so much.'' ''Charles, pleeeease. I'm desperate for you. Move or I will.'' He groaned again and started moving. In and out. With so much tension within him. ''Charles, you cannot continue like this. Look into my eyes.'' And he did. ''And stay like this. Keep looking into my eyes. And move slowly.'' He quickly nodded and his tension leaving his body started to slowly fade away. It started to feel very amazing that I let myself close my eyes from time to time. Moaning hard for him. This sex was so deep, so intimate. Just letting myself feel every slight slow motions inside of me. Massaging me from the inside. When I looked at him, I saw how surprised, thrilled he was seeing me like this. So loved, so taken care of. He liked it so much. All he concentrated on was how is it making me feel. He kissed me. Connecting us even further. I felt my orgasm approaching and let myself let that happen. It was a slow, deep orgasm. I gasped for air. He moaned with me. Like he was just coming from seeing and hearing me coming. When I reached my downfall, I started to cry. ''Cherie! What's wrong?'' he asked frightened and stopped moving. ''Nothing is wrong. It's perfect. -''.........''-Charles, you don't even know how connected I feel to you right now. It was too much for me to bear. It was so deep, so intimate. I just cry when I have an orgasm like that under such intimate conditions Charles.'' He listened to me carefully. After a little bit of time, he kissed away my tears and smiled to himself. ''Then it's good. Because that was exactly how I wanted it.'' I kissed him back. Tears no longer falling down my cheeks. We shared a very deep and passionate kiss. He started to push inside of me again and I've told him to let loose. He looked at me carefully and I nodded as a permission for him to fuck me hard. He grabbed me by my wrists, putting them above my head and the other hand holding my waist. It was fast and rough. I let out hard, loud moans and he kept pushing so I started losing it and cried his name. ''Charles!'' he stopped immediately. ''What Y/N. Did I hurt you?'' he caressed my cheek and looked into my eyes again. ''No! You did not. I was just screaming your name. That's all.'' I said to him. Closing my eyes and resting my now free hands on my forehead. Feeling tired from how uncertain he felt with me. With himself ''Mon amour, I'm sorry. I'm just so frustrated today. I'm mad at myself that I left you there alone unprotected.'' ''I wasn't unprotected. Max was there.'' ''Yeah, but It should have been me.'' Which is something I agreed with but didn't say anything. ''I think we should just cuddle and sleep. Maybe talk. I'd like that.'' Charles just nodded and let himself out. Laid next to me. ''You know, I'm going to take a shower.'' ''Alright, can I come with you?'' ''I need some space to collect my thoughts Charles.'' He looked down. ''You know, I'd just look at you and start kissing you for sure haha. So I couldn't concentrate on my thoughts you know?'' he lifted his head and smiled big. He quickly nodded with his dimples visible and chuckled slightly. I got up and went for the shower. Thinking about everything what happened today.

Mon amour went for a shower, and I thought to myself how an amazing sex we've had. I've never experienced that; it was so different. So different. I guess this is what making love is. I felt something building inside of me. Something new. I'm growing to her. I had this feeling for the first time I saw her that she is the one, but the feelings I have now, they are little scary, because they are so unfamiliar to me. Y/N took me of my thoughts when closing the gap between us, walking towards our bed. She grabbed my t-shirt from the chair and put it on her. I titled my head. ''I want to feel your skin when lying next to me.'' I said looking into her eyes. She just smiled. ''Oki, I'm gonna take it off when going to sleep. I just want to tell you something before.'' I just nodded. She hopped on the bed. Legs crossed. She looked so cute like this. She was thinking about something very hard, because she just lost the present time and was in her own world. I watched her with amazement. Then she just laid down next to me. Laying down on my chest. ''You know Charles, I really enjoy the hard rough sex we normally have. And I know that you know that I just feel like to say it out loud to you right now.'' She pushed herself up so now she was approaching my face more closely and looked into my eyes. ''I feel safe with you now. Qui?'' She smiled at me. I smiled back and nodded. I understood what she wanted to say. ''But I have to say mon amour, that this loving sex. It was totally something different for me. It was-'' I looked away to find right words. ''-I guess I could say beautiful. And weird at the same time. It was-actually the feelings that came with it, it felt so unfamiliar to me that I feel a little bit scared of that.'' She looked down and nodded again. Then titled her head up and smiled a little bit. ''I know.'' she smiled again. I felt like I don't have to say much more. That she understands me. She laid down while putting her-actually my t-shirt off of her. I was hypnotized again, seeing her naked next to me. She caught me and started laughing. ''You a bad boy Charles.'' and she showed me her teeth. ''Can I fuck you?'' ''Don't ask me and put your dick inside of me already Charles.'' I immediately got up and positioned myself between her. ''You know what I want to try?'' She just hummed. ''I want to fuck you hard and look into your eyes while doing it.'' She gulped and looked at me with those innocent eyes. God I'm close even now. What this woman has done to me? My God. I then started moving quickly and watched how she opened her mouth, inhaled my scent, and frowned her eyebrows. She looked spectacular like this. Her orgasm face is so hot. So worth to look at. I felt my orgasm approaching but I didn't want to come yet. I saw my number on her bouncing tits and as soon as she was hugging my cock tightly with her walls and approaching orgasm, I lost it and came as well. Kissing her passionately so I could send my moaning into her mouth. For few times I let pass my last thrusts into her and just laid on top of her. She played with my hair. I am feeling so good right now, like a man. A man she needed today. And I promised to myself that I will never ever leave her in such position again.

[charmixpower]

Riven: Like I said. Any challenge you pick. Winner becomes leader of the Specialists

Sky: Riven, it's really not like you to be so… so serious

Riven: People change, Sky.

Sky: Fine. Fencing!

I think the acting like this is new behavior and not a regression of his character is actually more infuriating, also I only did fencing once several years ago and the depiction of it is so fundamentally terrible that it drives me insane. Why are they FENCING LIKE AN ACTUAL SWORD FIGHT OH MY GOD

Also once again Brandon would be the best leader because he's not insane and has charisma and can actually talk to people without making them hate him, I'll also take Timmy but he'd fucking hate being the leader and would die anytime he needed to do public speaking or make a split second decision

Riven: You got me. I give up. You will always be leader of the Specialists. And I will always be runner-up

No, Brandon is runner up and Sky shouldn't even be the leader in the first place. Go take several seats. Riven would never give up like this, and I'm one hundred percent certain that he's not giving up this is just poorly written dialogue

Sky: Give yourself some credit. It was an even match. If you kept your cool, you probably would've won

Riven: It's not just this match, Sky. No matter how hard I try, or how close I get, I always come up short. If I don't change something, I'll never reach the top

This??? Is interesting. Like. It's an acknowledgement of the past 5 seasons that it retconned in a character focused!! If you put a little more pressure on him feeling useless and wanting to be able to help against all these high level threats, and really focused on how hard he constantly tries to catch up but reminds stead fast behind Sky getting no where close to be genuinely useful—that would be beautiful, I'd be obsessed with it!!!! Drama and all it would be really fun!!!

That would absolutely be an interesting direction to take ALL the specialists, and just cut Nex while you're at it we don't need him. Or make him into an antagonist????

Imagine a magical specialist who constantly mocks the boys about never being useful to the girls and it really upsets Riven (because he's Riven) and he majorly over corrects! All while Brandon and Timmy are trying to drag him into calming down by his hair

What I hate about it, and what's so s1 about it is that he wants to be at the top. Babe. Your girlfriend can destroy you with her pinky finger

I'm imagining a good version of s5 where he's just freaking the fuck out over being useless and making it a entire issue™ because my BPD king (and his gf, the BPD queen) cannot not do that. And it's ALL the feelings godbless

That would also feel like a continuation of Riven's chilled out personality from s2. Yes he still takes people WAY too seriously, but after being kidnapped by Valtor and nearly being murdered by the Trix he had some perspective. He's just a silly billy

You can have relationship drama where no one is the "bad guy" Winx club, STEP AWAY FROM STELLA

[miercolaes]

just received that anon that mentions two different muns on the platform and here's a reminder to everyone who takes their time to read this.

whoever you are out there, know that you're entitled to what you're feeling. maybe you feel like you're on the right and you want to do something about it, but sendng hate isn't the answer, dear. i have understood long ago that people have different mindsets and they will believe whatever they want to believe. and that's your right. no one can control your beliefs, your values, your morals. we all grew up in different cultures or subcultures, we have been acquainted with different kinds of people, no matter their gender identity, their religious beliefs, their ethnicity, their culture and the list can go on. i know different is scary, many things become scary once you're an adult. do you remember how easily you made friends as a kid? i thought about this recently and went on google scholar for some facts and guess what, it's getting harder as you grow because the society put pressure on you. you are not exactly individualistic, you're a product of the society and everything that you came across and assimilated in the long run.

in uni, i often heard that we must be tolerant to anything and find solutions if the outcome is aggravating. for example, while my culture doesn't embrace eating a certain animal, that doesn't mean other cultures shouldn't. for them, it's historically based. it's okay to not be okay with that part of a culture, but it's not okay to put someone in a corner and be mean about it. everything's changing and what's now considered normal and acceptable by society today probably won't be in the next 20 years. try to tolerate or avoid what triggers you.

all these examples actually apply to that anon. i am heavily against any form of discrimination, hatred, abuse, you name it, against any individual that doesn't do anyone any harm. people are entitled to love anyone they want. people are entitled to choose any pronouns they want. people are entitled to figure out what gender they identify as. none of this harms you. imagine if you felt like you wanted to change something about yourself, even if it's just your hair color. but something (could be culture, religion, peer pressure etc.) doesn't like that. and you do it anyway because you've thought about that for years and you're tired of having that hair color. if a group of people is against you, you'll feel terrible, but you can't solve the situation by going against them.

everyone is entitled to do whatever they want, as long as they don't harm anybody. if somebody crosses your boundaries, it's your choice if you try to talk things through, avoid the conflict by walking away or stirring more drama. i don't know who the anon is and honestly, it doesn't matter. but please try to understand that you cannot understand how people feel. both parties, the victim and the abuser. best thing to do is to avoid the other person, since you find one aspect about them triggering. your safety and wellbeing is always top priority. but think about that quote if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. if something about someone is triggering, take a step back and evaluate your feelings and why are you feeling the way you are. if you are the victim, know that what the abuser says isn't about you, it's something about them that's projected onto you.

but there's help out there. and there's also help from within. everyone who's brave enough to look inside and figure out why are they feeling a certain way is taking a step forward into their growth. so do that. those people who are affirming something that goes against your own personal beliefs have thought for years on end and accepted it. try to do the same, it'll be for your well-being.

this is a rant and a reminder to everybody, even myself. it's easy to have opinions about a topic and hurt others. and it's hard to have those opinions and try to be a better person, but we all can. so instead of going around to judge someone, go and spread some positivity. say something nice about your mutual. there's a reason you followed them, right?

[mamatayto]

Ya know; I'll admit that it sucks and hurts to not have my childhood best friend in my life anymore. Another broken piece of losing and leaving everything behind to start a new life, to start over with my husband and kids.

Sucks that she believes lies and rumors from others that I'd steal from her like that. The most comfortable person to talk to about any and everything just gone and moving on enjoying her own life. Having nothing she would ever want to share or say to me again other than bitterness and anger of her own.

Ya know what hurts most about not having her in my life anymore? All the things we said we would share together as children that are now gone. What hurts the most other than NOT being able to share my failures, tragedies, and victories with her; is the emptiness left inside knowing the amount of years we would just talk talk talk talk and fantasize about being aunites and being there for when we have children finally... and their very first aunt to love is just gone.

When she thought she had proof of my stealing from her, she told me she was done and blocked me everywhere. I told her I don't have time for that kind of drama right then, and that if she blocked me and chose to reject me she wouldn't be allowed to take it back this time. I even let her know albeit angrily that I had been asked out, and was going to leave state to start my life over and have babies finally. I just KNEW he was the one who would get me pregnant and father my babies. And she didn't even care due to her own sense of betrayal and anger. Now my 2 beautiful babies are here and she is not. I often day dream about her driving up on weekends just to hang out with the kids. Chatting and chilling like we used to.. except with the kids. She would really love them both....

What hurts the most is what she is missing out on now.

But.. she is moving on and making her own happiness in the world which is fantastic.

Ya know ... it was really hard the day my son was born. March 24th. All I really wanted to do was video call her to show him to her and talk about how odd and wonderful it was that my second child was born in the same month as she is.

Or to talk to her about every struggle of parenting and living with my in-laws.

It hurts and is sad she gave that all up. But as long as she's happy it was worth it.

I love you always no matter what Jammie... I'm no longer watching you and following your posts. You know how to reach out to me. I won't reach out since I'm not the one who blocked and walked away. But I am sorry for the way things happened.

That being said...

My new life couldn't be better too. I'm with a loving and nurturing man who doesn't hit me and slam me against fridges when he is drunk or had a bad day. He actually pays attention to my moods, and actively WANTS me around. Took him awhile to get there, but also defends me against his parents. Finally starting to be on the same page with me on parenting. Living with two toxic in-laws hasn't been easy, and being molested by my father inlaw has made living here very difficult mentally and emotionally. We are moving into our very own and first rental house mid May, which I cannot wait for in layers of reasons. It hasn't been perfect or easy, and nothing in life is... but overall I couldn't be happier and remain focused on being a stay at home mom for now. I won't be a working mom for awhile yet.

Still trying to learn to drive. Having a he'll of a time just passing the multiple choice test yet, especially when there are differences from state to state. When living in Oregon I was 2 questions away from passing. Now though? Now I'm lucky to score 42%! But as soon as I'm driving I get to do all sorts of things including take up an Instacart Driver job.

Just being a mom of 2 so young, and house wife keeps me crazy busy.

But I do love my life now. And my family.

I don't know why trying out poly was so important to me I'm my past. Maybe because I wanted to be loved the way I needed without having to leave what I already had. Idk. But it wasn't for me or right. I'm relieved and blessed to be with a man happy to only have 1 woman in his life. In fact when I found a couple potential women to play with he got mad and asked me if he isn't enough for me. I was confused because what man doesn't want 2 women st the same time for fun? But it's MY man who don't care about that shit. Lucky me honestly~♡

Even though you won't talk to me Jammie, I'm glad we are both moving forward and mostly happy now. That makes all the pain and distance worth it.

[jhtechgeek2011]

Blown up phones, users and more

Tuesday night at work I had someone call me 4 or 5 times in a row, just one ring hang up, a couple rings hang up, 1 ring hang up, 3 rings hang up like they were just gonna MAKE me answer my phone. It's like dude you're NOT forcing me to answer no matter what you do, I am gonna keep hanging up and declining the call and putting you on silent and do not disturb till you stop it.  I then had 2 friends call and text me following those telemarketer/spammer/bill collector ones with the pattern. Friend 1 would NOT stop calling no matter how many times I kept telling her I CANNOT have phone calls at this job I am at today I can text you but even that is hard. Finally got her to get the point and stop calling, only for her to text a barrage of messages as if I can answer her immediately while a guest is at the desk. I text to tell her this and she doesn't even stop texting so I can get my message through. I then get a call from Friend 2, I tell her one time that I cannot have phone calls at the job I am at right now and we can message but even that is difficult. She immediately stops calling and texts. Friend 1 literally is mad at me for not being able to take her call during the job when I can't take ANYBODY'S calls.  She literally was snapping off at me about she really needed me she had a big emergency her mom did XYZ and her sister did ABC and her dad is mad at HER for it all. I am literally standing at my computer at work looking at this like this is an emergency for YOU, not ME girl. It's that entitlement people have of my needs taking precedence all my things are the biggest emergencies and you gotta help me with them asap!

This entitlement I saw with Friend 1 leads right to what I wanted to say about users. They are entitled, spoiled, selfish, drama queens that feel like everything they are going through is the most important, biggest emergency ever. It is that thing of thinking people owe them something and that they need to get what they think they're owed RIGHT NOW! It's that whole "Karen" mentality that drives me crazy. It can also be that they think they can get away with, get over on, and control everyone and everything. I even have people like this in my family and it sucks. I get calls from certain relatives in the middle of the night all urgent and like its an emergency and all they want is to ask to borrow money that I don't have. I will get called by certain other relatives and friends to ask if I can come to hang out with them only to end up at their house doing something for them, some favor they could have just asked for. They do not, however, ask outright because they know my answer is likely to be no. Like friend 3 that I have who asked me to come to hang out at her house and help her with her resume, cover letter, and website only to turn around and leave me working on it by myself and take off with her boyfriend and not come back for several hours, thereby getting what she really wanted, which was for me to babysit her kids and do her resume and crap for her. She then came back 3 hours later with her boyfriend dropping her off and leaving me stuck without a way home since her boyfriend left with her car. I ended up taking a taxi home because of that. I did NOT write her resume or cover letter and after the first half hour she was gone and I called her for her to tell me she would be back in another half hour, I quit working on her website because I knew what she was pulling and I was NOT going. I will never go to her house again, she blew that option from now on with me. 

I have had too many people trying to use and take advantage of me and I am so over it. Nobody will be allowed to trample my boundaries or use me again. I am not being taken advantage of again. I will help only within my boundaries and limits and I will not stratch or push them for anyone else ever again. If you cannot abide by or accept that, then there's the door go ahead and walk right out of my life. I am not obligated to let  you walk all over my boundaries because you think you are entitled to get your way and have whatever you want from whoever you want it from and to never be told no. I am done with users and "Karens" that think they can do this to people, period.

On another note, I have dealt with a different kind of Karen lately as well. I was at the grocery store the other day and there was a long line at the self check outs, this one particular Karen was taking up the entire aisle leaving no room for people to walk past the self checkouts and get to the chip aisle and frozen section. Everyone's having to go down like the cereal aisle or something and then up the other side by the meat just to get to those 3 aisles on the other side of the aisle hogging Karen at the self checkout. What makes you think you can just do that? There is enough room for you to wait in the self checkout line AND leave enough room for through traffic to other aisles, all you have to do is move over to the side half a foot. This is the same type of person that will pull their car WAY into the traffic lane to parallel park on the curb. If you are parallel parking the entire point is to pull up PARALLEL with the front car and the back into the space between it and the car behind. You REALLY suck at parallel parking if you have to pull your car on an ANGLE out INTO traffic to get into the parking space, that's literally NOT parallel parking. 

The other type of person that I have dealt with is the ones that think they own the entire road and nobody else is driving except them. The ones that will fly down a residential street going highway speed because they're in a hurry. It doesn't even get you where you are going sooner in the long run because the purpose of highway speed is for highways where there are NO stop signs, traffic lights or pedestrians to stop for. I almost got hit twice on either the way to or the way home from work by the same car (I think) doing 55 to 60 mph in a 25mph residential zone. I also live by a school and during the school day the speed drops 5 to 10mph slower to 15 to 20mph. What sense does it even make to go that fast just to stop a block later? NONE! It is dangerous and you're putting everybody's life including your own because you're in a hurry and it doesn't even help you to use all that speed and you just end up arriving either on time or late anyways because you use up all your gas speeding up and stopping over and over so you have to stop at the gas station which deletes any time you made going so fast, either that or you get pulled over and ticketed for speeding like that and end up later than you would have had you just gone a normal speed in the first place. Bottom lime your appointment, date, job, etc. is not more important that people's lives and driving highway speed on city streets wont even save you time anyways because of all the stopping and the potential speeding ticket slowing you down. Just stop the stupid speeding and learn how to share the road with the other people that are using it, you're NOT the only one out here on the road!

One last thing that I have been dealing with lately is people that think they're going to drag you back into bad habits or situations that you have already gotten out of. The worst offenders with this are like what happened with my uncle, he had a bad addiction that he went to NA and got clean from but he had friends that hadn't kicked that were pulling him back into using again. He had to stay away from them in order not to be drawn into a relapse. For me it is with mental health things that i have gotten treatment for and gotten out of that I have certain friends and relatives that want to drag me back into it. Certain things that my bipolar disorder, for example, caused I got help for and stopped doing but certain people in my life try to draw me back into them because they're still stuck in them and haven't gotten the help with it. Another thing is with diets, I no longer deal with diets, I had a problem around diets and eating and I got the help I needed to deal with this problem and am out of those behaviors and don't do diet stuff anymore. Some people that I know are still immersed in that kind of thing and try to draw me in, I have repeatedly said I will not discuss it and am not returning to it. 

One relative I have has this program she is in for therapy about some of these issues and she really expects me to sit with her through all her therapy sessions (online) on the phone with her and I refuse. I have one friend that she checks in with me before and after her similar kind of therapy and on her break in the middle of it but she doesn't expect what my relative does. My relative expects me to sit through the entire thing with her from start to finish because she's afraid or uncomfortable or whatever. I have told her no. I no longer answer her calls when I know it is time for her therapy because she pretty much refuses to take no I can't do this with you for an answer. You're the one in the dang therapy, go take your therapy. I completed mine already Im not going through it all over again.  This same thing happened with a friend of mine when we were in college, she wanted me to go through her classes with her when I already completed them the year before her or the semester before her. I am not getting ready to sit on the phone or chat with you for your whole class when Im already done with that class and got my grade for my work already. People that do that are annoying and selfish. You go deal with your own therapy, own class, own job, whatever, I don't need to do it too, I don't have that job or I finished that course already or I am done with that therapy and on to another type or whatever the case may be, I have been there done that got the t-shirt, your turn. These tend to be the same folks that expect someone to do their assignments in school for them, let them copy your exams, want you to do their work for you at a shared job or work for their job when you have a totally different job and it's not on you that they brought the work home with them or whatever. It's lazy, entitled selfish, and immature of them to do it and I wish that they'd stop. But just because they don't stop doesn't mean I gotta still deal with it, I won't. You do your stuff, I'll be over here doing mine talk to you later bye.

[apirateslifefor--smee]

to the ends of the earth: a jolly roger playlist

( @captainjamesjoneshook )

ok i'm doing descriptions bc this follows a journey the journey of their friendship and life <3

oxford comma by vampire weekend

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? I've seen those English dramas too, they're cruel So if there's any other way To spell the word, it's fine with me, with me

Why would you speak to me that way? Especially when I always said that I Haven't got the words for you All your diction drippin' with disdain Through the pain, I always tell the truth

this song is all about them getting disillusioned with their fancy school and ultimately deciding to drop out! this is the world james was raised in and expected to inhabit, while smee was always told that it was his key to success. but they hate the pretension and the polite manners and being told what to do. who gives a fuck about an oxford comma, they say!

2. ends of the earth by lord huron

Out there's a land that time don't command Wanna be the first to arrive No time for ponderin' why I'm-a wanderin' Not while we're both still alive

To the ends of the earth, would you follow me? There's a world that was meant for our eyes to see To the ends of the earth, would you follow me? Well if you won't, I must say my goodbyes to thee

this is the ANTHEM! idc if he says "girl" later in the song i'm ignoring that. that's what it's all about running away and seeing the world.

3. born to run by bruce springsteen

Oh, baby this town rips the bones from your back It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap We gotta get out while we're young 'Cause tramps like us, baby, we were born to run

ok i do think it's kind of hilarious that this song is about a wendy. anyway i think this song is about having something deep in ur soul that is just telling you that you have to get OUT OF THIS TOWN!! like there's this part of you that you just cannot change no matter how hard you try. i think hook and smee never quite fit in at school because they just had this sense of adventure in them and they needed to get out. and that's how they became besties.

4. he's a pirate from the pirates of the carribean soundtrack

DUN DUN DUH NUH NUN NUN DUH NUH NUH NUN DUNANUNUNA! DUNANUNUNUNUNUN! DUNANUNUN! DANANUN!

you get the idea. they're PIRATES!

5. old pine by ben howard

Oh, hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags I've come to know the friends around you Are all you'll always have Smoke in my lungs, or the echoed stone Careless and young, free as the birds that fly With weightless souls now

this song is so ADVENTURE. camping. sleeping under the stars. on a pirate ship. i think it captures why they loved their pirate adventures so much, just pure freedom.

6. warm glow by hippo campus

The rose-set road will bend around The earth you knew is waiting for you, dear Some wave-swept gold drips from your mouth The hazel hounds move south To meet you here Sky gone a certain shade of blue The kind that heaven's fixin' up for you Boy, that sure-fire desire is true Raw hands heart-beating to the smoky view

i picked this song for just the beautiful descriptions of like nature and the sky and stuff. and i think it's a good transition into the songs about living in swynlake and being a family and stuff. idk if i have too much of a description for this one it's just a vibe.

7. appaloosa bones by gregory alan isakov

Was it the voice I've known Or your Appaloosa bones That carried me home across the plains? It's like you say all the time, "World has lost its mind" Between you and I, I know that I've lost mine

Was I that gone? Man, I hope not Glad you found me when you did

to me this song is for smee stepping in to help raise james ii after avani died, picking up the pieces together and getting through grief and building a beautiful life <3

8. a pirate looks at 40 by jimmy buffett

Yes, I am a pirate, two hundred years too late The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder I'm an over-forty victim of fate Arriving too late, arriving too late

I've done a bit of smugglin', and I've run my share of grass I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast Never meant to last, never meant to last

this song to me is about reflecting on your life and how you never really """made something of yourself""" and mostly screwed around on a boat and drank too much and now you're having a midlife crisis. and jimmy uses "pirate" as a metaphor here and that's real life for the jolly roger but i really think it works for like the two of them reflecting on their lives and what they've accomplished, even if it's very different from what people expected of them when they were in school. and ultimately it's about the ~~call of the sea

9. hudson by vampire weekend

Hudson died in Hudson Bay The water took its victim's name The river's rise told Riverside to change their names again

this is just about how it's kind of poetic to die by the thing you dedicated your life to. hook spent the latter half of his life chasing down this crocodile and... yeah. :(

10. murder in the city by the avett brothers

If I get murdered in the city Go read the letter in my desk Don't bother with all my belongings But pay attention to the list

Make sure my sister knows I loved her Make sure my mother knows the same Always remember there was nothing worth sharing Like the love that let us share our name

not enough songs about brothers out there fr. the actual lyrics are not super applicable tbh but to me this song is all about like asking another person to be your legacy and to carry on what you started. and who better to do it than your brother, the person who knows you better than anyone else, the person who's sort of an extension of you in a way? and none of those old petty disagreements even matter anymore, what matters is the love. blood doesn't matter to these two, they will always be family <3

[aghostnamedkass]

ramble sesh #1 - finding my life purpose (being an adult is hard man...)

I turned 20 this year.

I'm not really the type to celebrate my birthday in a big song-dance kinda way. Plus, aging terrifies me in an existential dread kinda way (a whole other can of worms that I refuse to even open). When I was young, I thought I would have my life figured out by the time I turned 20. I thought I would have a steady career, be in a stable relationship, and be living on my own in the big city. The only thing I've achieved on this list is being in a stable relationship. I guess 1/3 isn't too bad, but because of this, I've been left feeling lost and unsure of how my life is going. I'm feeling the pressure of the expectations younger me had of present me, and I hate it.

The feeling of being lost has made me look back at my teen years - I regret not being louder and more confident. I wish I would've left my toxic friend group earlier. I would have loved to experience getting drunk in a field with those closest to me, just enjoying the freedom of youth. I could be here all day listing all the things I could've done different, things I wanted to be different.

Mourning what could've been means that I've tried to compensate and try to do what I can as an adult, like getting stupidly drunk with friends in a field. But I still feel I cannot achieve what I've always wanted to. All because of the expectations young me had put on adult me. I'm putting pressure on myself.

Growing up, I always wanted to perform and I always had (and still do #theatrekid) a passion for musical theatre and the arts. I've tried applying to drama schools, and I've been met with MANY rejections. I always felt pushed into roles and careers, away from my lifelong dreams. Hearing 'No' both directly and indirectly has taken a toll on me, making that feeling of being lost in life feel even worse. Then, in a conversation with a family member about struggling with my latest drama school rejection, an interesting question was posed to me:

'If you can't handle rejection, is this really a career path you want to follow?'

It's been on my mind since. And it made me realise, I've not been seeing the bigger picture. I've not been enjoying life and making memories, all because I was breaking my back trying to get to a place that, now I look at it, wouldn't suit me. Most importantly, I forgot why I wanted to achieve my dreams by the time I turned 20.

I've always wanted to be the person others can rely on. Someone who can help you grow and supports you. To inspire others to follow their dreams and have a space where they can be their authentic selves. And that's when I figured out my purpose.

I want to be a rock that supports and inspires others to follow their dreams, to be their true selves and to have a someone who truly understands. Someone that my teenage self would have wanted in their life.

So as I progress through my 20s, I'm not gonna keep worrying about meeting my self-induced deadlines of having a career and my own house. I'm going to focus on developing myself and building those habits that mean I can be there for others and understand how to best support them without destroying myself.

TLDR: I'm proud of myself for finally realising my purpose doesn't lie in achieving my dreams by a deadline imposed by my teenage self, but instead realising my purpose is to grow and help others, no matter what I decide to do.

Until next time I feel like rambling,

Kass xoxo

[clubwnderland]

[🥀 prompt]

[ 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖 ] ― sender hears receiver crying and approaches comfort them

Jangmi + Doom ― @doom-bc

Jangmi always tries her best to never let anything get her down. Ever since she was rescued, she wanted to always focus on the best of life rather than stressing about the things she cannot control. Always a smile, easy to laugh, people who do not know her have taken her as naïve or a little ditzy but Jangmi just doesn't want to live with regrets anymore.

Even though, she has a few.

There was something that had been sitting in the pit of her stomach, a brewing pot of anxiety, fear and longing. Things she doesn't speak about anymore because that the hybrid doesn't want to burden those she loves while they deal with their own issues. Instead, she keeps it hidden, pushed behind a smile and a comforting hug before hiding in her room and dropping to the floor.

Doom sits on the chair, not having left after returning back to her apartment from the excursion out to the night markets as it has become somewhat routine for the fox to show him some new show she's watching or a movie she likes. She likes a lot of things, he's learnt.

With everyone gone, all heading to their own homes, it is just Jangmi and Doom sitting in her quiet apartment.

There's a sniffle, almost missed at first but it catches his ear as he turns his head. Then another. Jangmi tried to keep herself quiet, hugging her knees and making herself as small as possible, she tries to keep her guest from hearing her. He wouldn't question it, she doesn't think, people cry all the time, he's probably heard so many but she didn't want him to see her cry.

Not like this. Not over things so silly.

However, she was not able to keep herself quiet enough and the God had come to investigate. 'Look after the hybrid' that has been one thing he has always kept in the back of his mind and hearing her cry means he's not doing so.

"Jeon Jangmi," he opens the door, the darkness being pushed away by the light from the living room shows the hybrid so small on the floor. He doesn't know what to do at first, standing in the doorway, staring and blocking most of the light he just let in. "What is the matter?"

Shaking her head, she doesn't speak but her silence doesn't seem to be enough for him.

"Jeon Jangmi," he moves closer, remembering something he watched that had seemed to make her comment about how sweet it was. Sitting down next to her, he can tell that she's trying her best to suppress her tears and sobs as they fight to be heard. "What is the matter?"

"I-... I've been h-h-having nightmares...." She stutters, looking up at him for a moment and showing the broken, scared hybrid underneath the smile. "Th-they got worse... with ev-everything..."

He knows what could be haunting her dreams and it's something he cannot protect her from but he can provide something, right? Whether he understands or not, it doesn't seem to matter as Doom picks up the small woman and places her on his lap, wrapping his strong arms around her.

Startled at first by the ease in which he lifts her, Jangmi takes a moment to settle before adjusting herself to curl up against his strong chest. "You can cry. You are safe." Placing her head over his heart, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart before clutching his shirt and letting go.

All her fears, all the pain, everything she's held in.

Doom holds her, not saying anything like the man in the drama did, he simply raises a hand to hold her head and provides comfort in letting her be held. "I will not let harm come to you, ever again." His voice is deep, powerful, even as he speaks quietly.

Nodding her head, trying hard to believe him, Jangmi continues to cry, to feel, to hurt until she falls asleep in the God's arms.