#you can't blame people for not being taught everything. just teach them

[astroreoreoreoreoreoreoreo]

maybe i have lame opinions but I just wanna say- people who say "just don't interact with the community" don't get it. I wanna be able to interact with people who love [insert media here] as much as I do without getting crazy hate from the outside world because some people don't know how to act. i wanna say "people in fandoms should hold each other accountable for their behavior" but that's also not a good solution because at some point it just turns into policing for the sake of appearing normal and there's no fun in that. so I guess instead I'll point to this meme.

there is no "perfect community", there will always be odd people, and being odd isn't a death sentence. Fandom is fandom just "le sigh. we cringe on" and keep moving

i guess my girlfriend would want me to say "kill the part of you that cringes, not the part that is cringe"

"I hate (insert media here) because of the fando-"

[sophieinwonderland]

In the beginning, I think I was more empathetic towards sysmeds because I thought I understood where their skepticism came from.

Because when I learned about tulpas, I was skeptical too.

That first day, looking at the tulpa community, I knew there was no way I could possibly be sentient. That there was no way imaginary friends could be sentient. It seemed crazy to me. In fact, I called the tulpa community crazy to my host.

It went against everything society ever taught us about how the brain worked.

But I kept reading. I listened more. I experimented with things for myself.

What I realized quickly was that my initial belief was based on ignorance. I was so certain things were one way, but I was able to look more with an open mind.

And I initially thought that these anti-endos were the same as me. They're not bad people. They're just ignorant like I was. They didn't know any better.

If I compile enough evidence, enough proof, I can enlighten them the way I was enlightened. I can teach them, inform them. That's what I thought for so long.

The problem is that I was projecting onto them. Maybe there are a few who were like I was back then, who just don't know better. And those, maybe you can reach by just sharing the right sources. But for so many, their bigotry isn't based on ignorance. Their ignorance is based on bigotry.

They actively refuse to learn no matter what sources you provide or how strong the evidence is because it was never actually a matter of ignorance to them.

In theory, the better you understand somebody, the more you should sympathize or empathize with them. But I find the opposite happens with me where the more I understand sysmeds and how they think, the more I despise them.

Back when I thought sysmeds were acting out of ignorance, I didn't blame them because you can't really be held responsible for spreading misinformation if you just... don't know any better. It's not their fault for being misinformed.

Now I know better...

[crazylittlejester]

DAILY BRAINROT

I greatly appreciate our brainrot time because otherwise I think I would go bonkers and I don't think my IRL friends can handle this level of brainrot. If any of them find my Ao3 or Tumblr by some miracle, I would perish on the spot. They don't need to know.

Anyway, I am obsessed with Legend's little brother vibes. He's like the older middle child. Can be responsible when he needs/wants to, but otherwise prefers being a thorn in the oldest's side. He's a stupid little goofball and I love that for him. I need him to team up with Time for a dumb prank because who would expect The Hero of Legend and The Hero of Time to do something like that??

Slightly related to that, I love it when he's a twin in modern AUs. LOVE IT. But what I want is for him to be Warriors' twin and Hyrule to be Wind's twin (or something close to that). I think it would be a good combination, especially if it's something like a mixed family dynamic where Legend and Warriors end up being brothers with Hyrule and Wind for some random reason so it goes from your regular older brother and younger brother dynamic to the younger brother suddenly dealing with his own younger brothers pestering him. Less accidental baby acquisition, more accidental younger brother acquisition.

(I will end up writing this because I'm crazy, we all know it, there's no point in denying it at this point.)

I also keep thinking about the War of Eras stuff and like... it's always a time paradox. It's always a time paradox. I can't get the idea of the guys teaching each other things, it's too sweet. Like, don't you have to wonder if Warriors teaches Wind how to do first aid because Tune taught him first? It's probably more likely he learned from someone else, but it's a thought. I'm slowly dying on the inside thinking about how much Tune would do for the captain because he wants to return the favor and ldjkgdfgjdirjgdlgrijgdlirjfdrijtelkjfd--

I genuinely appreciate the daily brainrots so much too 😭 like i come home at the end of a long day and i get excited to see it come in my inbox aslkgkjhg. i got a few people irl who know im bat shit on tumblr and on ao3, my fuckin fiancee literally follows this blog and i know they don’t check it often but i do live in the fear of the day i get a text or call about some super specific odd ass shit post i made🧍‍♂️and then one of my best friends reads Fierce Hero 9, which is honestly fucking hilarious to me because she knew NOTHING about LU when she started reading it (i only recently convinced her to join the dark side /j), she just heavily fucks with big hero 6, and yknow what i respect that. but if my COLLEGE friends ever found this blog?? killing myself immediately. killing myself, deleting the blog, and moving to the other side of the planet actually. and my family knows I write fanfiction but if they ever read or found it?? theres not a group of people on this earth who would be able to find me, my ass would be GONE.

I LOVE LEGEND AND HIS STUPID LITTLE BROTHER ENERGY IT’S SO EVERYTHING TO ME. he’s a little shit and we need to all talk about that more 😔 LEGEND AND TIME WORKING TOGETHER ON A PRANK?? OH MY GOD. IT’D BE FUCKING OVER FOR EVERYONE ELSE. THEY’D GET AWAY WITH IT AND POOR HYRULE, WILD, OR WIND WOULD END UP GETTING BLAMED 😭

oh my god i never not once even thought of Legend and Wars being twins. I guess part of it is cos i headcanon they got like a literal decade between em, and i never thought about making them that close in age, let alone the SAME age. Even in my modern au’s, Wars is 2-3 years older. Them as twins would be SO fucking funny though oh my GOD. ACCIDENTAL BROTHER ACQUISITION, IM GONNA BE FUCKIN USING THAT OH MY GOD AKNSKJSNKJSN

(write it and my life is yours /ref)

oh my god i love war of eras trio time paradoxes so fucking much. SOOOO fucking much. Just the idea of Wars teaching Wind some little thing and then Tune having that knowledge to help Captain Link?? EATING IT UP. Or Wind being the world’s biggest shit to Time and him absolutely RUTHLESSLY clapping back, just for Tune to pull the EXACT same soul destroying comeback seemingly out of his ass to hit Mask with when Mask decides to be a snarky little shit. Who started it? We’ll never know

[sleeplessdreamer123]

Fanfic Idea! (Lucemond, Modern, college boys, tutoring days)

"Again, qybor."

Aemond was close to strangling his nephew, but stops himself, opting to strangling the papers right in front of him instead. He can't allow Lucerys to lose his voice, not today at least, and definitely not in this way. He'd prefer he loses it screaming his name.

"Qybor?"

People were used to seeing Aemond tutoring someone, from philosophy, to fencing, to history. This was the first time in his life Aemond had to be tutored by someone rather than tutoring himself.

He opted to take Valyrian Languages, confident that it would be just another easy grade, showing yet again that he was the perfect Valyrian descent, a perfect Targaryen, unlike his brother in every way. He never realized just how difficult it was to learn.

So there he was, struggling to use High Valyrian, the language of the lords and learned people of Old Valyria, only to catch Lucerys, his (bedmate? fuck buddy? unlabeled lover?) nephew laughing, infuriating him further. He challenged him to say a perfect High Valyrian sentence, trying to get Lucerys to fail just as he does, to make himself feel a bit better, only for Lucerys to not only say a sentence, but translate a line from the so-called prophecy of Fire and Ice. Perfect pronunciation, perfect pacing, perfect translation.

All of a sudden he was ten years old again, being laughed at by Aegon and his younger nephews. He didn't say anything, simply ignoring Lucerys' presence and focusing on the language on the page.

"I can teach you, if you want?" Lucerys offered. Aemond saw the offer as a challenge, throwing himself into more work, forcing his common tongue to speak those foreign words.

It took Aemond a whole week before he showed up in Lucerys' dorm, pride swallowed as he asked for his younger nephew's help. To his credit, Lucerys actually did help him formulate proper sentences, it was the pronunciation he couldn't get right. His mouth just couldn't form the words right. It wasn't like Lucerys', who sounded like he was from Old Valyria. He learned that Lucerys' family taught all of them perfect High Valyrian, forcing Aemond to swallow back his jealousy. His mother hated his father's family, despised everything about them really, and cut off her children from them. From culture, to history, even the damn language, his mother stopped them from learning anything, calling them queer traditions. Instead she reinforced them to learn about the ways of the Faith of the Seven, punishing them if they ever go "astray from the path of truth". She would then blame everything she considered bad about them to their Targaryen heritage. Aegon becoming a drunken whore? It was because the Targaryens were savages. Helaena acting strange? The Targaryens were infected with some strange disease and poor Helaena was infected.

He loved his mother, truly, he did, but what she did damaged everything that was meant to be his. His birthright. And now he was stuck having to learn the language he could have been easily taught at a young age by his nephew/fuck buddy. Speaking of which...

"Qybor, if you're tired, we could stop."

Aemond hums, unclenching his fist from the paper that held High Valyrian words.

"You improved qybor, better than last time!" Lucerys said encouragingly. If anyone else had said that, Aemond would have thought they were condescending. He knew Lucerys meant it, however. He didn't have a mean spirited bone in his body when it came to people who was actually trying to improve themselves.

"We'll continue this tomorrow, same time. If we keep this up, it'll be just in time for your oral exam. By then, you might even be able to make your own poems." He added jokingly. Aemond rolled his eyes, buy agreed to the tutoring time.

Same time tomorrow. He'll get better tomorrow.

[creature-wizard]

I’ve had an interest in the law of assumption for a couple of years now, but I really enjoy your posts on them because you put my doubts about it into comprehensible sentences 😭! I’ve been looking through your blog for a little bit now, and I love your stuff. 10/10 blog 💪💪💪

Also, the anons are surprising. I thought they would have a little bit more decorum since being proper and nice is what most LOA blogs preach 😬

Personally I think it's kinda to be expected; the Law of Assumption was (intentionally or unintentionally) designed to appeal to the extremely selfish, vain, and lazy. It shows in the way the community tends to aspire to a lot of toxic ideals pushed by capitalism and patriarchy. (A bunch of these "it girl" affirmation lists might as well just say "I am a Stepford wife" or "I'm the trophy wife of a rich Republican" over and over.)

People are taught that all they have to do to get everything they want is just have faith in Neville Goddard's teachings that all you have to do to get everything you want is believe you already have it. It does nothing to help people cultivate compassion or kindness, nor does it teach any healthy skills for dealing with frustration and disappointment. Instead it just tells you to convince yourself that bothersome events never happened, which is just a form of emotional avoidance/repression. Did your shitty boyfriend yell at you? Just tell yourself that he was a perfect gentlemen and took you out to your favorite restaurant before you go to sleep tonight. He'll have to conform to your beliefs, because Neville Goddard said so. If you can't fix him, why, it's really all your fault.

These people are basically stuck in a profoundly unhealthy worldview that encourages their worst selves while emotionally alienating them from themselves and from other people, teaching them to aspire to toxic standards and superficial lifestyles, giving them skills it claims can fix everything but are simply inadequate for dealing with most of life's problems, and then putting the blame on them when shit doesn't work out. It's not really surprising that they'd be this way.

[eta--piscium]

✨️This is an appreciation post for my one and only love @schattensaenger ✨️

The year is about to end and we're still together and going stronger than ever. Yes, we may fight as if we're Tom & Jerry, but at the end of the day, we still make up and love each other even more. We can't even stay mad at each other and ignore each other for more than 20mins. Lol. Even if we're both still kinda grumpy, we still stay on a call together and just casually look at the other and then a few mins later, we start sending kisses to each other and we're okay again. Hahaha. You, my love, is something else.

You are the person that I never knew I needed in my life. *yes I know, it sound cliche but it's true* I have made friends with lots of people but nobody can ever compare to you. The way you love me is so different from everyone else. You don't just love me because I'm your girlfriend, you don't just love me because I'm ur person, ur duo, ur potato, ur annoying potato, ur very sassy and loves to tease u so much gf, you love me for me. You told me and showed me that you love me for who I am. You made me comfortable with myself. You made me feel secure. You made me feel so loved. You love me unconditionally.

Honestly, I once thought to myself back then that the person for me would never come. That maybe I'll just be another person. Maybe I'll just serve as a chapter in someone else's story. But, you came. You proved me wrong. You have taught me many many things in life. You taught me all the ways that I could love and be loved. You taught me that it's okay to be vulnerable, that it's okay to cry, that it's perfectly fine and normal to let myself feel things and just let my emotions out. Not keep them in a jar and store it somewhere until they overflow and explode. You taught me how to be patient. To be more understanding. I thought I was open minded enough but you showed me things that I was keeping a blind eye to. You opened up my mind even more. You made me into a better person. You are the only person that came in my life that made me wanna better myself. You made me wanna be the best version of myself.

I'm sorry if I always push your buttons. It's fun to tease u all the time. heh 😏

Okay but seriously now. I'm sorry for all of the things I have done to you. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for being so stupid at times that I just can't understand what I should do. I'm sorry for all of the times that I accidentally make u doubt my love for you. I'm sorry for being a huge pain in the ass for you. You still love me tho heh😏 u like me in ur butt. NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY! HAHAHA

I just want to say that you are loved by me and not just by me but by many other people including our friends too.

I also want to say that I am very very thankful that you exist and that you came into my life. Thank you for existing. Thank you for staying. I love you so so so much.

Thank you for all the help you've ever given me. Thank you for helping me learn many things. Thank you for always being very patient with me. Especially when it comes to coding and math. What can I do, the moment I see numbers and formulas my brain immediately goes to sleep. Hahahah I'm sowwy But seriously, thank you for always finding time to teach my bobo ass how to code and all. Thank you for helping with my homework and projects too!! Speaking of project, you have been the greatest help for this website project of mine. You have done waaaaay more than my groupmates. You basically did the whole entire thing on ur own and you're not even getting graded. I am. But you always want the best for me that's why I can't even stop you becaue you get poopy and be like "UR CLASSMATES WILL JUST RUIN EVERYTHING AND HALF-ASS EVERYTHING!!" Cutie u are. I can't blame you tho bec you really made it so pretty and the suggestions u hear from them are just potato. Lol. But really tho, thank you so much for everything. The fact that you are the one that wants to help me with my schoolwork and u get poopy whenever I don't tell u that I have an assignment or quizzes or whatever, I find that adorable. Because it's just you being you. You love to help people. You love to help me. I adore that. But also because I get to secretly stare at u while u do some of my coding stuff bec you look sooooo stunning and beautiful whenever you're too focused on smth. I love it whenever you're so serious and focused, with ur eyeglasses on and ur hair tied in a bun. Oooooofff my heartttttt.😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

I hope our love never grows old, I hope that fifty years down the road you are still the face I see when I wake for the day on a cold monday morning. I hope you are the last person I see after one too many drinks and I hope your laugh is the soundtrack to all of my stories. I hope your body is always beside me and I hope my life is spent loving the only one that could ever find me. I hope that every day of the rest our lives are spent loving each other cause not a single thing in this world could ever convince me to love another, and I hope that the love growing between us two is nurtured by all of the days I will spend loving you.

Ps. I'm sorry this took so long for me to post. I really just have so many things I wanna say but felt like words are never enough. Writing this down on my notepad always makes me giddy and emotional. Lowkey crying rn but u can't see. Lol. Oh and I keep rewriting and adding stuff to it too. Hehehe

Pps. I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!😘❤️

[bonkersbon]

Random rants because I couldn't sleep all night

Insomnia is a bitch

But here it goes (and yes I'm sober just prob crazy🤔)

Teenagers are not TEENS 13 and Adults are not grown adults at 18

It is wild to me that this world expects so much from literal CHILDREN! children

They question why they are trialing kids are adults as early as 12 years old

Because they're making adult decisions and expected to as early as 13

Thirteen is not a damn teen

They're children and no one is treating them so

I used to get offended at the reference “it all starts at home” Or blaming the parents

It isn't 100 on the parents, let's face it! This world and social media now play a massive role in our children's minds and all the medications they're on for this or that

But the problem is the parenting and then society

We're an oxymoron

If you are raising your kids right then, at 13, they're still playing with Barbies and board games and monster trucks and making slime and playing hide and seek

That is what children do

And people are raising their kids so messed up that 12 year old ARE OUT COMMITTING crimes, having the deed and doing things they can't comprehend

They're combative and fight and get abusive with the officers and society as they do at home because of how they're being taught

They're skipping school and not knowing how to make decisions and then end up homeless

The statistics are all there, and history after history, people are repeating the same shit messing up their kids, and now the issue with kids is technology and being overstimulated

Take that technology away and see how long they can sit still

How many kids mimic everything they see

Idolization and profound misconception of what is socially acceptable or morally right. See it on TV. They mimic it

Even hurting others

There are so many hidden agendas everywhere you go

With what people sell wear and advertise

Ten year olds wearing makeup and not believing they are pretty how do they even know to talk like that or be like that

Their innocence is robbed, but parents can play a huge role

They slip away from you and grow up no matter how much you try to shelter or protect them

It'll happen

But a teen is not a teen, and an 18 isn't an adult

Protect your damn kids from this world

Raise them teach them and damn educate them

Protect them, shelter them, and do whatever you must as a parent to raise your kid to be a good kid! And a morally good one, too! Who helps others not be damn delulu babies and filled with weird jealousy and malice — always trying to compete — for what? Your spot quicker to the ultimate destination?

So many parents fail their kids, and they fail them so early on

But what I'm mad at right now is society as a whole expecting kids to grow up too fast and know too much too fast. And then, on top of it, not raising them with proper discipline so when they're “adults,” they're out there tearing up this world. And then you all question why?! I wonder why so many kids out there doing petty crimes then acting out like four-year-olds in the judicial system and getting slaps on the wrist and sent back out for the parents to take no responsibility and blame it on the system

It starts at home

And anyone who believes differently is delusional and can fight me over it

They need to bring back old school butt whoppings and for the love of god ladies and gentleman stop kicking your kids out at 18! They ain't grown

They can't afford to live on their let alone make grown decisions. Let them live at home and push for them to get an education and or an excellent job

Push for kids to help parents more. We don't help elderly and that is because we haven't taught our kids to

We in America kick our kids out at 18 and put our family into nursing homes

Live at home take care of each other and help each other and learn right do right and be right

Be kind

The selfishness and malice and generational dysfunction will always make me mad

And trust me I'm not speaking from a glass house

How I grew up and how I've chose to parent hasnt been a walk in the park

But I communicate

My kids are KIDS, and they have hearts and souls, and feelings beyond what society even gives them time for, and raising good kids in this fucked up world isn't easy. But seeing it all come to shit sucks! Navigating thru it sucks and having to teach my kids about ignoring certain people in life is so sad

To teach them all the dangers and reality is already sad

Why would I want to push them on their own to face that already at only 18

It starts at home, with parenting

Love your kids! And they are kids! Children! Tiny innocent beings with huge imaginations that want love and to discover

We'd have many better people if parenting styles and dysfunction weren't so THERE! Like just why does it even have to be a thing anymore

When will we do better

Abuse or drugs or addiction or mental illness will never be a reason to be a shitty person or a shitty parent, and I fear for my children ever to feel unloved or get hurt by this world, but it'll happen, but why would I actively treat them like an adult or teen way beyond the appropriate time

I just don't understand it anymore and I don't want to

I'm just going to keep mentally fighting to stay strong thru the Bullshit

Cuz parenting with other parents is hard

Adulting with other adults is even harder

[thoughtfulfoxllama]

Normally, I let y'all choose my topics, but honestly, I'm a bit nervous that, if I keep posting things related to Fundies, I'll have people asking "Kay, are you alright," or "Kay, are you a spy for the Allred Group." Emphatic no to both /hj. But, today I'm going to combine my Hot Takes on Blood Atonement, Fundamentalism & Polygamy together

What Fundies get Wrong

Obviously, this is going to be a long list. The Fundamentalists are flawed on nearly every level, and prone to collapse like a house of cards. So, let's explore their flaws:

Blood Atonement- The idea that ones blood must be shed to repent denies the power of Christ's Atonement. There is an interesting thing to point out however. Everything Brigham said required it held a death sentence at the time. In teaching the Atonement today, we teach you must make restitution (including legal restitution, if you broke the law) to truly repent. The Grace of Christ helps you, but if you've truly repented, you'll want to make that restitution. So, Blood Atonement is actually the idea that you should be undaunted when it comes to making restitution, even if death is the punishment

Race- You can't really blame the Fundies for this, because our entire Branch has struggled with this until the late 70s (although McKay did try to fix it in the 50s). God doesn't treat races differently, full stop. I can mention 3 men of African Descent being given the Priesthood, or Orsen Pratt being threatened by the Curse of Cain, but do I need to. It's obvious that God doesn't discriminate

The Garden Cosmology (Adam-God)- If someone can explain this in a way that makes sense, I'll be glad to hear it. How can Jehovah be the Father, and Adam also the Father. Why, immediately after saying God was Adam, did he say that Elohim was God, Jehovah was Christ, and Adam was the Holy Ghost. And in the JoD, an Apostle mentions that he believes in Lilith, in an attempt to justify Polygamy. But, if Adam & his wives were Exalted, how could one of them become a demoness. How can the Virgin Mary be a virgin after having sex (and did she marry God, and Joseph. I mean, I believe Polygamy goes both ways, but Brigham didn't). How is Adam God and also the Son of God. And anyway, Kimball said Adam-God was false (and reiterating that it was specifically the interpretations Fundies put on it, leading to the thought that Adam was Divine, but not Heavenly Father). Also, the Idea that Spirits are born through sex makes no sense either

(Sorry about my rant on the Garden Cosmology. And that's only the beginning. It's truly a web of confusion, with no answers, only more questions)

Child Marriage- You know why the split between the AUB & FLDS happened. Because the leader of the Priesthood Council (the Fundies Leaders before the split) said Child Marriage, Forced Marriage, and Incest were wrong. The Short Creekers didn't want to change, and when Rulon Allred was made leader over a guy from Short Creek, they became the FLDS (with Allred's Priesthood Council becoming the AUB). This eventually morphed into the most disgusting practices we see with the FLDS today

This is not to say everything is wrong, only most things. This leads us to

Polygamy

Polygamy is a true Doctrine, kind of. In D&C 132, it mentions that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were all Exalted. The thing is, I'd say only Abraham was a true polygamist. Isaac was a monogamist, and Jacob was tricked into Plural Marriage. The very inclusion of Isaac states that polygamy (regardless of what Pioneer-era Saints were taught) was not essential for Exaltation, and Jacob reinforces that.

Polygamy is right for some people, and wrong for others. My & my wife are perfectly happy, and I could never be a polygamist. But, people who are called to be Polygamists should be allowed. But there is a difference between being called to polygamy, and just wanting to sleep with multiple people

The 1886 Revelation was received by John Taylor, and it is in his handwriting. He never mentions Polygamy (in fact, it would sound right in a conference talk today), but at least three people say he told them to defend Plural Marriage after receiving it (although, one of them was Lorin Woolley, so grain of salt). One of them, John Woolley (who, unlike his son, was seen as trustworthy until the Second Manifesto) was set apart to plural marry people

In doing research for a Polygamy Essay, I became acquainted with Ogden Kraut. He states that Woolley and his successors had only one job: plural marriages. Anything beyond that is wrong, and I (unlike many things he said) agree with that. It makes sense that John Taylor would set apart a Sealer, but not that he'd fracture the Church he spent decades serving and building up

And another thing, Joseph thought Polygamy should go both ways. He offered to let Emma plural marry William Law

I also have a lot to say about Polygamy and Abuse, but it can be summed up with allowance of polygamy means abuse victims can step forward and get the help they need.

So, there you go. Fundamentalists are basing their entire theology on misinterpreted facts, and polygamy should be allowed for some people. How's that for Hot

(And I'm sorry for the issues. I didn't cite my sources, and I'm pretty sure I sound like a madman telling everyone the end is near, because Biden & Trump are reptilian lovers. Truth is, I'm on a trip to Colorado, and I do my best work at home. So, any clarification, questions, accusations, ECT can go into the comments, and I'll get to you as soon as I can. And next week, we'll have a cooler hot take)

[palominocorn]

Red and green are opposites! Just, in pigments rather than actual light colors, or dyes. This is a distinction that is rarely taught in the US! Most or us only have "art" classes until age 10, if ever, and most of them will only ever use crayons, fingerpaints, etc. All of which are pigment based, not dye. So US kids learn Red-Yellow-Blue (a color system almost unique to painting) instead of CMYK (the color system for dyes, light) or RGB (for limited light, popularly electronics).

This is also why US under-10s are so INSANELY destructive to markers; way moreso than kids overseas. Markers ARE dye based, so all the colors "come out wrong" and then the kid gets pissed. Which I can't wholly blame them for. They're a kid, and they were not just told but SHOWN that mixing RYB makes black, and yet now it's making Horrible Greenish Brown instead.

I hypothesize that this is also why US students at all ages are almost morally opposed to the existence of highlighter markers.

Anyway, it all comes back to a refusal to teach in US schools, at the end of the day.

The "destruction with markers" thing has started spreading, unfortunately, I've heard tell from my relatives back in Europe that kids have gotten more aggressive with their coloring stuff. Though whether this is a factor of worsening color education or worsening treatment of kids, I am not sure.

I have seen some older texts talking about the red-yellow-blue color system where the colors very much look like CMY, which I thought was absolutely FASCINATING. Did the colors fade? Or did the definitions of the colors change?

[long rant about Anglophone definitions of "blue" being indigo omitted because it's too rainy outside for me to be a grumpy Eastern European on main]

Most people I know, both here in the States and back there in Europe, haven't had much art education past the age of ten or eleven (elementary school, where I grew up). My high school has two semesters of art as a graduation requirement, but it was a joke. The smart kids took AP art history, which from what I've heard had less actual history and more rote memorization of five hundred paintings. All the other classes were basically "goof off" ones.

So the "lies to children" form of art education basically becomes the It Is Known of adult art knowledge, and capitalism means that only people who want to Do Art For Money have any motivation/time to do any actual art and learn about it.

(Seriously, almost every time I mention that I do art of any form, people ask if I have like an Etsy store. No?!?! I don't?!?! I have a full time job, and I do art to RELAX and NOT THINK ABOUT the fact that our gas chromatography machine broke AGAIN, who the fuck keeps leaving the lamp in that thing on, we have SIGNS and everything - can you tell I'm posting this while not paying attention to work?)

[gxlden-angels]

Shiny Happy People Thoughts: Episode 2

TW: The Duggar Family

- This episode begins on Josh's crimes and abuse as well as his family's attempts to cover it up

- I thought the documentary would focus more on them, but it's actually going more into how these environments foster so much abuse, which is honestly great but also a lot harder to watch

- Like it's one thing to point at them and say "This is where it could lead" but it's another to say "This is the environmental set-up. It was widespread and you may have grown up with it. Here are some of those factors you may know"

- It's weird to watch a family like the Duggars and go "oh most people think this is weird" like I was never homeschooled but I didn't need to be. We were actively taught that public school would teach you these specific worldly things so ignore those and listen to us instead

- We "had church" at home during birthday parties and holiday dinners or whatever where they sat all us kids down and insisted on teaching us these things

- Older women in the family would tell testimony after testimony about how happy they were being under their husband's protection even if that meant having sex when they were exhausted, not in the mood, and sick

- Men complained about abuse being exposed on the news because they felt like an abused wife should handle it privately at home

- I honestly can't imagine where I'd be if I was homeschooled on top of everything

- I do agree that the insistence on homeschooling only is more of a white evangelical thing. After such a fight to even have the right to get into and finish public school, I think in black evangelical communities it was seen more as a blessing to be able to go to public schools, especially if you convinced your friends to go to church with you

- The 2nd to last church we went to even bribed us into it. They gave us a dollar if we brought our own paper bibles and we had a sticker chart or something if you brought friends we'd eventually get a celebration

- There was also this fear that if you didn't assimilate into white evangelical culture in the South, then you'd end up on the streets doing illegal shit and going to jail or whatever. It's very victim blaming. There was a mix of understanding systemic racism in the U.S while also saying Black people are at fault for not just staying married and spanking their children to prevent them from being "fast"

- Like sure my own parents are older than the Voting Rights Act, but somehow "welfare queens" are the issue. Black communities are very quickly assimilating into the individualist white evangelical mindset of be good and god will bless you individually

- Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won't Save Black America goes into that a lot. People have mixed feelings about it but I related a lot to it

- Black kids in these spheres were seen more as a risk if not raised this way essentially. Don't hang out with so and so's kids they don't go to church, spank their kids or insist on parentifying their older kids and that's how you end up smoking crack or something

- I honestly had to pause during the section about hair. That's a major trigger for me.

- It was such a confusing balance because I was told I need my hair done well because it needed to glorify god and honor my father, but it also couldn't be too beautiful because then I was being vain/causing lust but also my grandfather would tell me he liked me better when my hair was a certain way but also I should focus on what god wanted, not what he wanted but also

- And it was even more difficult with my coils and curls. I relaxed my hair from ages 5 to 15 and it legitimately took years for my hair to recover from it. It was a difficult transition because my grandfather insisted that I was much prettier and more godly to him when my hair was long and relaxed and he even talked about how unattractive my grandmother is between hair styles when her natural hair is out to convince me to start relaxing and stop cutting my hair again

- The insistence on framing your face correctly was wild. I had this unhealthy bob for years because it "framed my face well" like no my hair was one bad summer day from being fried to death and falling out (and sometimes it really did fall out)

- "Instead of learning math, you're leaning slut shaming"

"Don't think about your sisters' boobs. What are you gonna do? Think about your sisters' boobs."

- Unrelated but Bill Gothard looks like a deepfake in every video of him

- They've come back to the effects of parentification. My dad got the worst of it as the oldest of 6. I was parentified but not as much as he was

- "I had to break his will" another hard trigger

- I was told at 11/12ish that I was allowed to spank my younger stepcousins when I was babysitting them. I hate to admit that I did once when the youngest slid down the stair railing she was told not to slide down and I felt so guilty I never did it again. I shouldn't have been told to spank her and I also shouldn't have been put in this situation that young. That was around the time I first developed intrusive thoughts about my family dying so at the time I legitimately thought it was the only way to keep her safe from falling to her death

- "You were spanked until you stopped crying, which could be hours" for me it was "now stop all that crying before I really give you something to cry about" which all seems counterintuitive

- Took another break because of To Train Up Child. Did not have the book growing up, but definitely recognize a lot of the ideas from it. I've talked about it before on this blog

- Its difficult to get through but I also feel such a weight off my shoulders. Like it's one thing to have a therapist say "you're not a bad kid, you were raised in bad circumstances" but it's another to have a docuseries say it. It's another thing to see others have this same uncomfortable bodily reaction. Nervous laughter, moving around, fidgeting, etc.

- "You know, a little psychological terror is sometimes more effective than the pain" I was much more terrified of the threat of being spanked than actually being spanked. I hated the feeling of "I disappointed you enough that you have to plan to hit me later"

- My dad says he remembered spanking me a couple times when I was like 2 and never again. He felt like positive reinforcement and explaining why doing something bad was wrong was more efficient for me cause I liked being helpful, I was just super independent and easily overwhelmed. There's a reason he's the only family member I honestly care to keep contact with

- "Michael and Debi Pearl are some motherfuckers" SAY IT AGAIN LOUDER

- Amy Duggar crying about the "rod of encouragement" made me also tear up. I'm working on the guilt of not being able to change the rest of my family's mind and save my younger family members.

- This episode is harder than the first but it's honestly what I needed right now. I needed a third party to say "you survived the best you could. you're still trying. you can't save everyone, especially if you aren't fully free yourself yet"

- There's stuff I didn't even think of as traumatizing that I realize still controls so much of my actions. This is so good and I highly recommend it so far if you think you can handle it.

- I wasn't blanket trained. My biological parents loved my independence. They loved how much I liked being helpful independently and they never wanted to break that spirit.

- My dad even raised me to focus on education and be able to support myself before I ever got married. I never had a conversation with him about relationships since he felt awkward about it he much preferred I learned from women in the family/church. They taught me purity culture.

- "If a man says he wants you, then he's god's man for you and you have to learn how to adjust your feelings and thoughts around that." This is how my grandparents and uncles saw things. They insisted this was romantic and good. I did a survey of my high school to see if anyone else thought that way and only like 3 out of the 50-60 people I asked did. When I pointed that out to my uncle he said it's because my school was full of sheltered nerds.

- My dad was horrified by all of it. I honestly think watching this documentary could make him deconstruct more than he already has. He's still a christian, but a progressive one. He's still growing each day

- Had a lot of feelings about this one. I think this one hit the hardest cause it essentially explains how these circles groom people, especially young girls.

[captain-kit-adventuress]

Hey.

Hey, look at me.

Look at me full-on in the face when I say this:

It didn't start during COVID, at least, not in America. It started with the passage and enactment of the No Child Left Behind Act, which was implemented starting in 2001. It started by teaching multiple choice tests instead of critical thinking, which had been a pretty big staple up until that time. It taught dumbed-down versions of just about everything, because those test scores were everything, because it was how the Federal government determined funding allocations for schools across America, and guess who was most disproportionately affected? That's right, districts where taxpayers didn't have a lot of money to support schools, or time to fight for their districts.

This kind of shit has been going on for over two decades, and some of you, maybe the majority of you, are too young to remember what it was like before, or perhaps never had a world without No Child Left Behind. No one is being taught to think, and it shows. Because some superficial test score matters than actual learning, and actual learning is much harder to quantify, and it was a quick way to further disadvantage the already-disadvantaged. Because you're being taught that results matter more than engaging with material, except that engaging with material, thinking about it, being wrong about it, that's how you learn. You don't learn by being right all the time, or filling in a little circle on a test where you've got a 1 in 4 chance of simply guessing the answer correctly.

No Child Left Behind was supposed to be about students, but what it really affected was curricula, because the Federal government didn't want schools teaching people how to think. They wanted them to get that teaching crap out of the way in the name of compulsory education so people were just smart enough to work. That's how you take away the silver bullet without looking like you're taking it away.

Yeah, it's a lot easier to read something fun and you know what? I can't even blame people for that, because the world isn't a very fun place and the way we teach literature (and pretty much everything else) sucks so hard and everybody needs an escape from the daily ghastlies of existence. The world's gotten so much harder and cheaper and greyer since 2000, and that's not fair to any of you, but it doesn't make the responsibility of learning any less. It doesn't make learning how to evaluate information in a useful way (which is what critical thinking really is) any less important.

And the fun stuff is important, too, no doubt about it. We need the fun stuff. But we need the not-fun stuff, too, or Congress wouldn't have tried so hard to force teachers to quit teaching it properly. You should be asking them, "Why don't we know this stuff? Why aren't we being taught? What's in there that you're afraid of us seeing?"

And then, the most important bit of all, you've got to, got to, got to pay attention. Even when it's boring, especially when it's boring. Plenty of useful stuff lives there. You will use algebra in your lives, I promise. You will use literature. You will use that random bio class with the weird teacher or the history lecture with the professor who always turned up just before the end of the ten-minute grace and then you're allowed to leave. (And if you have a prof who does that, COMPLAIN on the evaluation. You're being shortchanged on your time and money and learning.)

But before that, make sure the first thing you do, if you're allowed, is to vote for candidates who have enough power to change this. Because that's how these districts got shortchanged in the first place, because every single election, no matter how small, matters. Down ballot races matter. The president is not the major political player when it comes to passing laws, it's Congress and state legislatures and local government, and too many Americans don't pay attention to Congress or state legislatures or local government. SCOTUS and other courts are not supposed to be taking cases like they're a new addition to the Legislative Branch, because enacting laws is not the purview of the courts, which you should be learning in government classes but you're not.

If you feel like your school has failed you, then your only choice is to vote for Kamala Harris. Vote for a Democratic governor, and vote for the Democrats in your state legislature, your local governments, and most of all, for your school boards. Vote for the people who believe in education, because I guarantee you, it's not the other guys. They're the ones who took it away in the first place.

"it's concerning if university students are genuinely struggling to read full adult-level books for class" and "don't overstate the reporting of a single news article" and "if this shift is genuinely real, it's reflective of broad curriculum changes in lower education levels, probably at least in part due to remote schooling during COVID, and doesn't mean the new generation is being willfully Stupid and Vapid" and "when reading for personal pleasure people should read whatever they like without shame" and "reading from a broad variety of genres, styles, and authorial backgrounds will improve your understanding of both literature and the real world" and "actively mocking people for their tastes in books does not encourage them to become more adventurous you're just being mean" and also "but seriously adult books are not just boringly pretentious nothingburgers padded with pointless sex scenes, and claiming they are just shows how little you've read" all can and should co-exist.

[cloudyunfilteredthoughts]

if i had to talk about how i felt about the bad friends i've made, i'd say they were all pretty much the same. they weren't very unique from each other, and they served no purpose other than to teach me lessons about myself.

i could name them all, but honestly, they go way back. the first lesson i learned was that when someone makes you choose, choose to be alone that if someone tells your secrets, you never tell them anything again. that if someone hits you, tell everyone you can. that if someone gets in trouble and blames you, they'll ghost you when you need them, too. that when someone treats you so good that you can't focus on anyone else, they're just distracting you from how poorly they will once you're alone. that if you tell someone something about suicide or self harm, if they love you, they'll tell an adult. that if a guy acts like he's never had a negative experience, he's actually so full of them he can't process it. in elementary school. in middle school.

the lessons grew exponentially in high school via friends like brie, trent, megan, jacob, hannah, dakota, austin, jaida, etc. and then my exes. jack, jeremy, jacob, brandon, gage, chase, savannah, alexandria, jayda, etc.

and that's all they were. lessons. vessels from which i learned how to better understand myself, to navigate my life, to cultivate my personality and sow new habits. to cut, carve, and dismember the parts of my body and soul that i do not like. to dismantle the ways in which i gave too much, gave too little, and could be used again. to destroy the dumbness in me that allowed anyone back to begin with.

and now i have such a loving life. i have such a positive partner; a person i can grow new leaves beside. a person who's pruned me, not uprooted me. a person who's planted me in new pots, who's trimmed my tattered leaves, who's watered me during desolate draughts. in what world would i miss my miserable past? in what stupid stubborn delusion would anyone believe i wanted to go back? i'm blossoming here, alone, hiding in my garden. i've found a field in which i thrive - and i've been tending to it for four years.

people who aren't permanent mean little to me, and that's not because they aren't humans deserving of empathy. it's because my empathy has boundaries, and i reserve it for those who are meant to stay with me. i release anything that isn't feeling free to leave. i released myself, and i'm no slave to hypocrisy. the lessons i learned were important, but they could have been taught from anyone.

the person i am is not who i was. the person i will be next month is not who i currently am. and i am everyone i've ever been at once - i know that. i am everything i do and do not remember, everything i do and do not do.

and i love the ways in which i've interacted with the world so far. i love how interesting and devastating and devoted my life is. i love how i've come to love being alive, for the first time ever. it took me twenty three years to learn to live without fear. but the secrets to sublime living were only ever taught to me through solitude, and i firmly believe it is due to the soul-consuming lessons that my flame has taught me. to see my soul in his spirit is something spectacularly scary. something so safe feeling so secure.

it teaches you a lot about insecurity, and how damaging it is to gaining a true sense of trust in things around you. it teaches you tact, it teaches you patience, and it teaches you the importance of self-love. of growing your garden so that you can gift your flowers to your loved ones.

somehow i grew so tall, i couldn't hate the decay at all

[starset-mnqn]

I get pretty worked up about people who will dunk on literal children for being "dumb" when usually... it's not the child's fault for not knowing something.

As much as Americans would like to have a well-educated society, BEING well educated is a privilege that many take for granted.

Yes, we have public education. Is it good, though? Teachers get paid garbage and hardly have enough time in the day to teach the curriculum that is given. There is very little time to step back and review concepts that students aren't getting. Teachers are forced to keep on trucking forward, which leaves many students behind at an alarming rate. Because knowledge builds on past knowledge!!!

And even thinking about the students themselves... some have disabilities that impact their ability to learn. Some have terrible home lives that impact their ability to focus at school (if they can even make it to school!!). Some students just don't learn the way that is taught, and nobody helps to teach it to them in a way that makes sense to them.

There's also a phenomenon that I've noticed since starting work in education: more and more students qualify for an IEP each year. That's right. More students keep needing more assistance than is provided in a generalized classroom. And do schools even have enough resources to help them? In my district, the answer is NO.

Besides that, school is just the beginning of learning. It also has to he reinforced at home. But what happens when you don't have people at home to do that? What about students who don't have a home to return to? What about students whose parents work and can't help with their education? What about students who basically have to be a parent to their younger siblings?

There's so many factors that impact learning beyond that, which I won't even get into.

I work with students in special education. These students are brilliant and have so many bright ideas. But there is so much failing them. They are kids from broken families, kids who barely have food to eat, kids who don't get the care they need. The system is not made for kids like them. And as the middle class diminishes, the number of students like them will only grow.

It's not just an issue with the education system itself. It goes far beyond that. The entire damn country is failing these kids. Poverty, gun violence, lack of medical care, lack of clothes, homes, food.... how are students supposed to actually succeed and thrive in these conditions? There are students who HAVE to drop out of school to help provide for their family, and there's people who think only the education system is to blame? The downfall of proper education is an accumulation of many wrongdoings of this country. The kids themselves can try their hardest and still not make it.

And the thing is. I don't know how to even fix this issue. I do my part. I do everything I can to give that support in education that students need when I'm teaching. But this is such a large-scale issue that all my work can only do so much for these kids. I'll keep working hard, but it'll never be enough for what these kids need. They need so much more, and very few people will do anything for them.

[postsforposting]

Diabetes causes cravings for food because that's what low blood sugar causes in everyone, bar some other problem. People who are constantly craving food even when they're morbidly obese aren't eating nutritious food, they're eating junk, because that's a sugar craving due to eating way too much sugar for way too long. It screws with your hunger and sense of taste. Quit the sugar, it eventually resets and stops being a craving. You can appreciate other food again.

Salt is actually something that can be craved, because it's a simple thing and we have long separated it out as separate additive. Still doesn't mean that's evidence of "the body knowing" because it doesn't happen in everyone, which it should if we're claiming this is true.

Correlation with pica isn't causation, and lots of people are way low in iron who don't do that at all. Most people are also actually magnesium deficient too, they know exactly nothing about it. If we're talking "the body magically knows what you need and makes you crave that", it doesn't track. At all. Some people eat dirt and also happen to be iron deficient, they're separate things. Does quitting eating dirt track with restored iron levels? Doubt it.

Craving things like fats and other nutrients just doesn't happen, there's no evidence for it. That is specifically the example cited. It is false to say anytime you crave something it's because you require it. People go actual years and longer with malnutrition and severe deficiencies of all kinds because the body knows exactly squat about how to tell you "we need XYZ". We have symptoms lists and tests because this supposed ability just does not exist. It's not a separate autonomous computer with its own intelligence. Children crave sweets and would pig out until they're sick, surely we're not going to say that's evidence of "knowing" when it's clearly a simple lack of them having the ability to see consequences. Same thing with obesity, which isn't blaming anyone for lack of willpower, it's just plain how sugar addiction warps you. Naturally a lot of people also have depression and an inability to lead a fulfilling life, so food is all they have to feel good. Obviously they'll crave what tastes good and refuse to give up their only source of happiness. Zero to do with need. They get to make that choice for themselves.

People claim a lot of things are evolution when they're not. Wouldn't it be great if it existed? Sure. Doesn't mean it exists. An off switch for pain would be great too and would have helped with survival, so is that evidence we have one and we're just too incompetent to figure it out? I really hope that's not the lesson.

I think a lot of this actually boils down to food politics. People don't want to be shamed for what they want, so they go, oh look it's supposed to be this way, it's evolution! Need! That's the whole topic up in op. We really can just say don't shame people. We don't have to invent false laws of nature to justify it. We don't have to claim "intuitive eating" has any basis in actual science or biology, just say you want to eat without shame, and do it. You want to eat nothing but crap? Fine, just don't teach that to your kids because they can't make that choice for themselves. Lack of consequences, remember?

Craving high calorie stuff developed when animals and people often starved. You literally needed everything you could get your hands on. Obviously it doesn't just turn off now that lots of people don't need it. You have to learn to control it. Evolution does not care what you need now, it has its system and it screams. You crave junk because it's natural. That has zero to do with what you biologically need. If you don't learn that what you want is often wrong, you will be ill. Just like children who are never taught how to choose portions and a balanced meal. Just like we're taught not to touch things that aren't ours, no matter how much your "craving" demands you do it. We could easily include in here that lots of people feel the "need" to shame others over every little thing. Evolution? Because it kept them alive by exerting control over others that wasn't physical, thus keeping them safe in the best possible way? I could make the argument we're violating their evolutionary needs and the fact it has to be trained out of people requires it's inherent to our nature. It's just as crap as the op claim though. Not everything is evolution no matter how easy it is as a cudgel. The human brain is next to useless out of the box, you have to train it to get anything useful. Otherwise you're ruled by impulses instead of conscious choice, and that's no way to live.

The kicker? People often want foods they're allergic to. Surely that's flat out the opposite of "the body knows". Just like dogs love to eat shit that will kill them. Same as toddlers. Human bodies aren't magical, and we don't need it to be so.

The secret Dungeon Meshi sauce that's getting people to eat better is that it's so non-judgmental. Senshi and the rest of the gang never talk about what not to eat besides things that taste bad and literal poison. They don't even talk about "health" that much besides the importance of a balanced diet. It's so much easier to eat well when you think of food simply as something your body needs, and that it's often worth the extra effort to make it taste good, especially when you understand how to connect "things your body needs" with "things that taste good"

[tooboredtothinkofaname]

Now that i think about it I was such a let loose kid, i had so much freedom it was too much. I had to upbring myself and raise myself and figure out what are the virtues. Nobody guided me, told me what is right and what is wrong, nobody told and presented to me the ideas. And in a way you could think sure it's so great to have such autonomy, not being shoved ideology down your throat and yeah i have a lot of good traits because of this. Critical thinking among others right?

Yeah but

Ugh maybe i'm too hard on my mother sometimes. She did her best, surely. But because i had to become my own and her parent sometimes nobody ever taught me how to live, how to be a person. My mother, very autistic, very introvert, very domator stay-at-homey, very busy, very workaholic, very people pleaser could never teach me things i needed. I wasn't taught anything in my upbringing straightforwardly. Only as a response to traumas i figured some self-defense mechanisms, i just reacted to whatever came in whatever instinct driven and least harmless way possible. Only guidance i got from my father was to not open the door when someone's knocking, not to answer the phone to not let anyone know we're home and to be an asshole because that's what's gonna get you things (and then add the surprised pikachu meme when i used all that against him like..?)

So i just lived along. Home alone, computer, early internet, solitude, books, toys, nature, TV, lots of TV. So i raised myself. School was occasional as i just stopped going at one point because what for? To get bullied by peers and teachers? To waste my time there? To get up super early, go through stressfull public commute with people in it? And then get back home tired and for what? What was the purpose? Some imaginary lines drawn in an imaginary book next to my imaginary name? What. The. Fuck? I had it ALL at home! All i needed, where I controlled everything and did whatever the fuck i wanted all day. Some day i'll grow up, some day i'll show them and they will all see. It was still long years ahead of me to become an adult so i had plenty of time to prepare myself right? What do you mean you need education to get a well-paid job to have money for doing things you like? You mean i have to deliberately enslave myself to do what i want? I already do what i want! What do you mean i need good grades to get to Good uni to get the Good education to get the Good Job? That is imaginary! It's out of reach now, it doesn't give an actuall material gratification now, it's all a concept a kid's/teenager's mind can't grasp on just yet. And NOBODY could give me another reason for doing such draining, pointless, boring things other than "well it's just how it is, you just have to".

So i didn't, could you blame me? Would you call me stupid for pointing that out at 13? No adult could ever explain that to me so how could i follow them?

People get jobs without education and looking crazy. It's all about if you can put your potential, talent and skills to good use. School grades never reflected someone's intelligence and worth anyway. And fuck do i agree with my kid self holy shit i was right. But i didn't realize life is gonna be so damn harsh if you don't follow the regular path. Or did i? Nothing about my life was normal except for the fact that i had different sex parents and was white in a 97% white country. Everything else about me was fucked up and the world didn't dissapoint to point it out.

So why would I ever care to be afraid of following an unusal route when my whole life looked like this? I had 2 choices: either I bend myself over for the normal standards, clench my teeth and just do what everyone expects me to hoping i will not go insane in the process OR i could just do whatever i was already doing, being a weirdo creep my own way but at least being true and (relatively) confident about it.

Idk i just needed to let it out. But yeah i lack life skills for a reason and sometimes i wish someone would just tell me what to do with a good reasoning. But i don't think i'm that much different from others in this.

[artenijean]

XXX

For the one who has crafted themselves into the sculpture of my life, my world, my journey, and my growth. Someone who has witnessed my vulnerabilities and the hidden depths that remain unseen by others.

God knows l've tried more than a million times.

It's as hard as fighting against Earth's gravity, but with twice as much force. Trying so hard to fly and let go but gravity keeps on pulling you back-falling and breaking you countless times.

I was so certain that you got a stronghold in me that it binded me and dragged me into melancholy. Deep, deep, deep melancholy. I was drowning and I had no idea how to swim. This is what I always get whenever I fall-| break.

I did everything to get over things between us. I asked advice from the people I trusted and from spaces between the pages of books l've read.

Believe it or not, I even Googled it just to find the answers but none of them had pacified the raging sea inside me. I did everything to distract myself from the pain but no matter what I did, I ended up failing. Distractions didn't heal the wounds, it only turned them into scars.

One breaking dawn, I woke up sobbing lungs-out.

I cried not because I missed you but because I missed myself being happy. I cried not because I lost you but because I lost myself for you. I cried not because I can't have you back but because I cannot go back to who I was no matter what I would do. As much as I wanted to. I cried not because I am tired of trying and not being good enough but because I failed to see my worth. I forgot who l really am.

It's funny how people try to let go of someone they never really had. But for the record, I am letting it go. I have a thousand memories of us and a million thoughts of you that l've kept for so long. They've become prison bars that shackle my soul. I thought you were the only key to my liberty, yet I was wrong. I am a prisoner of my owr thoughts and I am also the only person who can set myself free.

I apologize for not telling you the words I should’ve spoken. Instead, I kept them all in my mind and let them burn me overnight. I am so sorry for putting all the blame on you even though I am the one who highly participated to hurt myself.

It took me a year and more than a couple of months. It's fine though for we have our own deadlines based on our own different timelines.

This may sound cliché but really, moving on is always easier said than done. But believe me when I say "I am doing better now", even though you're not interested to know how I'm doing. This time around though, I really mean it.

No more turning back. No more "one last time".

No more, because I have nothing more to give. I am totally empty. I can't hate you after all just because you can't love me the way I wanted you to. It's so hard to hate you because I perfectly understand the reason why you are like that and why it can't be me.

At some point, I am grateful that you came into my life even if you just stayed for awhile. You taught me so many things in life that l'd definitely use for my future adventures. Thank you for the good memories that filled my heart. Thank you for the bad memories too, that fed my soul. I promise to keep them forever. It was tough and painful, yet it brought me tons of lessons that schools can never teach me. It's priceless! I never thought I could love this much. You helped me to expand the borders of my heart to love more and forgive more. From the inner core of my heart, thank you so much!

Before I end this letter, let's make a truce. No matter what life may bring to our doorsteps, be happy. That's all I ever wanted you to be. Happy with somebody or with nobody else, because you deserve it; so don't be afraid to be happy. Okay?

A girl you owe feelings to but never bothered to payback.