#you can thank twitter for the streaks in his hair btw

[illustromic]

I forgot I had these doodles of Scar in a pretty outfit sitting around lol. AU where s9 Elf Scar joins 3rd Life?? Idk, I just wanted to draw him in a flowy skirt x'D

[hatsukeii]

Hi! 2, 4, 6, 8, 12, 14 for Kageyama from the headcanons list?? If it's too many, just choose whichever interest you the most! Thank you! 💜

Hhhhh ty for requesting!!

I have so many ideas from Kageyama after seeing the latest few chapters all over my explore page on ig, this should be fun~

Btw just because I crave fluff and made up romantic scenarios I will be including you as a female s/o, I hope you’re fine w that bc I’m terrible at writing same sex fanfics and I feel like including you might be fun too, sorry if it’s not what you prefer, I’ll write up another one if you want!!

(You aren’t mentioned excessively though, so don’t worry!!)

Warnings: Mild manga spoilers that have to do with Kageyama’s backstory, nothing too major though, and angstangstangstangstangst-

2. How are they like on social media?

- Kageyama’s probably one that doesn’t really have that much regarding social media.

- However he would probably have the most common ones.

- Instagram, snapchat, maybe twitter too.

- He also has tiktok now that you’ve basically forced him to download it.

- Definitely uses instagram the most out of everything he has.

- Username: milkboykags

- Followers: 992 (Since he’s pretty popular through playing volleyball.)

- Following: 745 (He tries to follow most of his followers back if they have mutual friends between them, even if it’s a fan.)

- Profile pic: Probably one of those grunge shaky pics of him with a few of the Karasuno team members and you with a dark background and stuff.

- Bio: If you don’t have milk, don’t bother looking for me. ~Me, 2k19 (He hasn’t updated his bio a year lol.)

- His instagram feed is actually pretty aesthetic.

- He has one volleyball post of the entire team at the beach playing beach volleyball while the sun sets.

- He’s way too proud of that post.

- Another one of his posts was taken when you two were on an arcade date (At that time he hadn’t confessed yet, but he asked you out just to do that) and he sneaked a photo of you trying to get a unicorn plush from one of those claw machines.

- That one he’s gonna be keeping in his feed forever.

- He has a collection of highlights.

- There’s one for volleyball practice shenanigans, one for those little dates he takes you on, another one for full on group hangouts, then one of camera wars with random people that try taking photos of him, most likely you or Hinata.

- His feed basically revolves around this filter recipe he made for instagram, which makes his photos look cooler toned and more faded.

(P.s dm me if you want the recipe bc i made it on vsco lmao no I’m not a vsco girl don’t worry.)

- He doesn’t really use snapchat and twitter.

- Only does streaks with you and the volleyball team.

- Tiktok though, is a whole other story.

- Username: givemethecows

- Followers: 1405 (People from both tiktok and instagram.)

- Following: 200

- Bio: I make videos and shit.

- Profile pic: Bass boosted you like jazz meme (Bass boosted but photo if you get me.)

- Kageyama has this whole lowkey eboy thing going on with his tiktok.

- Most the time his videos are just a way to show his weird sense of humour or his sense of style that screams casual eboy.

- Since you forced him to get tiktok, you also forced him to learn dances with you.

- He’s terrible at those.

- Like very bad.

- He managed to break a pair of Tsukishima’s glasses while doing the renegade at break.

- And almost twisted his hips trying to throw it back as a joke.

- Needless to say it’s both hilarious and embarrassing for Kageyama.

- There are also tiktoks of him doing insane volleyball tricks on camera like the demon quick, the synchronised attack, and his jump serve etc.

- Which have gained him quite the following on the platform.

- In conclusion, Kageyama is generally pretty good at social media, but sucks ass at dancing.

4. What is Kageyama’s preferred weather?

- Surprisingly, Kageyama doesn’t like sunny weather. At all.

- For him, it’s the absolute worst thing.

- He think that sunny weather is way too annoying and hot and stuffy and gross.

- Plus, going out for morning runs in sunny weather is like wearing 10 jackets in hell.

- Like you can put on an extra layer if you’re cold but you can’t just strip naked if you’re hot.

- Oh my god he hates it so much it pains him to even think about it.

- He likes rainy days.

- Definitely not his favourite though.

- Rainy days usually mean staying home for the entire day.

- He can just laze around in his house, do whatever he wants.

- The sound of rain against glass windows soothes him.

- The constant sounds of droplets hitting the windows give him a sense of tranquility and peace.

- He will quite literally, fall asleep to those sounds.

- However rainy days do have their drawbacks.

- One of them, is having to stay home.

- Kageyama likes going for runs just to take in some fresh air, but that won’t work when it’s raining cats and dogs now will it.

- Plus, it means everything he does is restricted in his house unless he can get to an indoor gym that’s open.

- Boring.

- So he prefers windy days, when the cold breeze grazes his skin and the sun hides behind the fluffy clouds.

- It’s those days where he doesn’t have to suffer the heat that the sun brings upon him, nor does he have to suffer the feeling of rainwater dripping from the tips of his hair.

- He can do whatever he wants and still feel at ease and comfortable.

- Quite literally everything he asks for in a day.

6. Favourite music?

- Let’s be real, Kageyama probably isn’t good at music.

- He can’t dance or sing to save his life.

- However, he does enjoy how listening to music calms his nerves and gives him a chance to relax, even if he’s in a situation where he should be focused on an assignment or a piece of class work.

- People would expect him to enjoy listening to EDM or alternative rock, but no.

- This boy likes to listen to lofi and love songs.

- This doesn’t mean that his playlist only consists of these two genres, but the majority of songs in his playlist are either chill lofi beats or songs that give you the feels.

- Some of his favourite artists are Jeremy Zucker, Blackbear, Conan Gray, Billie Eilish, Lauv, Clairo, Wallows, Khalid, BENEE, Post Malone, Coldplay, Rex Orange County, Green Day, Shiloh Dynasty, Kina, love-sadKID, and the Arctic Monkeys.

- Has like 5 different playlists for different moods and events.

- One for moody times, one for study beats, one for when he wants throwbacks, one for firing him up before volleyball matches, and one for if he ever has to DJ in the front seat of someone’s car.

- Prefers to listen to music by himself.

- You’re an exception though.

- If he’s with you, you get one earbud, but he’ll be the one choosing the music still.

- You two have pretty contrasting tastes when it comes to music.

- He likes softer songs and lofi the most, whilst you prefer old rock and alternative rock. Oh and also a lot of throwback songs.

- I feel like Kageyama has definitely cried to a few songs when he was going through hard times.

- To him, listening to music is also a way of releasing all the inner conflict and frustrations.

- (Spoiler for backstory) When his grandfather died, he put Fix You on loop for at least 20 minutes.

- He was just numb, curled up into a ball on his bed, staring at the wall. He couldn’t feel anything. Nothing in his mind registered properly. All he could think of, was everything his grandfather had taught him, before he eventually passed away.

- Submerging himself into the melancholy song he was listening to, he didn’t even feel the tears that were now streaming down his face.

- The salty tears were now staining his pillow, creating little wet spots.

- He listened to every single lyric in the song, clutching his sheets harder every time the chorus came up.

- He punched his mattress repeatedly, still unable to accept the fact that someone he held so dear to his heart had just left like the wind.

- It wasn’t long until he was a sobbing mess, shaking and whimpering as he knelt on the bed.

- Silently sang to the lyrics, plopping back to his bed in defeat.

- His sister lingered in front of the door for five whole minutes, eventually leaving to let Kageyama sort out his feelings himself.

- You introduce a ton of new songs to him, since he doesn’t know that much about anything else other than lofi and sad songs.

- Just please no one let him listen to Nickleback. Please. He doesn’t need to know about it.

8. Movie that he would choose for a move nigh?

- The monthly Karasuno volleyball team movie night was finally here, and it was Kageyama’s turn to choose a movie this time, much to Tsukishima’s dismay.

- He’s put a lot of thought into this, not wanting to disappoint his teammates by choosing a shitty movie.

- He basically tried to figure out what everyone wanted to watch.

- However, everyone had very contrasting requests.

- Tsukishima wanted to watch Jurassic Park, Yamaguchi wanted a Disney movie, Hinata wanted something Marvel, Tanaka and Nishinoya wanted a horror movie, (Mainly so they could hit on you whilst you were still single) Sugawara wanted a romcom, Yachi wanted a comedy, and the others were fine with anything.

- He stressed himself out way too much trying to choose one movie.

- He finally got an idea after 3 entire days of thinking.

- And it wasn’t anything the team expected.

- Kageyama pulled up with Pulp Fiction.

- He’s seen that movie at least 5 times already.

- It was the perfect mix of comedy, gore, action, and philosophy.

- Plus, anything that starred Samuel L Jackson was worth a watch.

- Till this day, it remains one of his go to movies, alongside any MCU movie. (Captain America: The First Avenger is definitely his favourite though.)

12. Something small that they enjoy?

- One of the two small things Kageyama enjoys doing is baking cookies.

- Cookies in particular.

- I mean, there really is no detailed explanation.

- He’s pretty good at baking in general, even Tsukishima enjoys the cookies he bakes.

- Plus, he gets to dip the cookies in milk, what’s there not to enjoy?

- Another little thing he enjoys a lot is actually photography.

- Most the time, when he sees a pretty sky, or a city street at nighttime.

- He can’t help himself but snap a few photos here and there.

- Something about a well shot photo just hits different.

- Sometimes, he brings his camera out just to takes nice photos.

- Whenever you two are on dates, he’ll be able to capture candid or motion shots of when you’re just looking out the window of a bus mindlessly, or when you’re twirling around on the street playfully.

- Photos speak a thousand words, and honestly? He lives by that.

14. What is enough to bring him to tears?

- Support.

- Kageyama really needs support from someone he cares about.

- And no, not like support from his teammates.

- That’s different from hearing someone cheer from the stands.

- (Spoiler for backstory) Kageyama’s parents never gave much attention to him, since they were always busy with work. The only person that ever showed support for him was his grandfather, who passed away while he was still young.

- As if that wasn’t enough shit directed towards Kageyama, his teammates abandoned him during a match in junior high not long after the death of his grandfather.

- Which means that Kageyama now has lowkey abandonment issues.

- All through his volleyball journey he never got the support and reassurance he needed.

- He watched in envy as people from opposing teams, or even his own teammates, waved at their family members after they won or lost a match.

- All he could do was stare at the stands, hoping to catch just a glimpse of a family member.

- Nothing.

- Nobody realised how alone Kageyama felt during and after matches, until they watched him break down in tears after a particular match.

- It was the Spring Match against Seijoh, and Karasuno was playing like normal.

- Kageyama was insanely good as usual.

- What he didn’t notice then, was that you had dragged his sister Miwa to the match just so you both could cheer for him.

- In addition to that, you were also wearing his jersey.

- It wasn’t until the final point was scored, did he hear you and Miwa scream from the stands.

- Hearing the familiar voices, his head basically snapped in your direction, scanning the stadium for someone familiar, before landing his eyes on you and his older sister.

- His eyes widened for a hot second, his mind running in circles.

- Nobody has ever cheered for him.

- But here you two were, cheering for him from the stands.

- And you were wearing his jersey.

- A hand went up to cover his mouth, a huge grin spreading.

- One drop.

- Two drops.

- Then came the waterworks.

- The entire team was shocked.

- Like shookth.

- The two of you ran down to the arena, engulfing Kageyama in a huge hug.

- Best moment of his fucking life.

- From then on, the Karasuno team members made sure to notify you of any matches they had against other schools, hoping you and Miwa could go cheer.

- You two haven’t missed a single match since.

Whoooo three hours of work and going straight to Netflix at 2:30am, what a life.

I couldn’t resist I’m sorry casual or slight angst is my favourite genre of hc and fanfic-

I hope you liked this xx😗👉👈

[roxanncweasley]

drop the teabags

so i made another one bc these are hella fun to write

Remus Lupin to it is perfectly normal to cry in wonder woman: can we establish the ground rules for tonight

Sirius Black: rules schmules

Remus Lupin: do you want your arse to be front page news again?

Sirius Black: those readers were blessed

James Potter: I have it framed

Sirius Black: aww babe

Peter Pettigrew to can you die from too much Nutella?: where are you guys???

James Potter: sry SOMEONE was being dramatic

Sirius Black: it’s not my fault the hairdryer broke

Sirius Black: I couldn’t leave with DAMP hair

Peter Pettigrew: hurry the fuck up

James Potter: pete its fine

Peter Pettigrew: its raining and ive been waiting twenty mins

Peter Pettigrew: it is noT FINE

Rita Skeeter (@ritaskeeter) tweeted: ‘The Maruaders’ frontman James Potter flirts up a storm with old friend Marlene McKinnon at Oscars, are they dating?

Sirius Black (@siriuslyblack) tweeted: @jampots how could you do this to me?

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @siriuslyblack you weren’t supposed to find out this way

Marlene McKinnon (@marlsmckinnon) tweeted: @jamspotter you can’t afford me

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @marlmckinnon rude tbh

James Potter to Remus Lupin: are ppl acc believing this crap

Remus Lupin: you didn’t exactly help the situation

James Potter: what if evans sees it?

Remus Lupin: I thought you were over it

James Potter: ….

James Potter: i am

James Potter: one hundred percent

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: he’s not over it

Sirius Black: well obviously

Sirius Black: he’s been playing her album on repeat for the last three weeks

Remus Lupin: are you still stealing his spotify?

Sirius Black: im not made of money

Remus Lupin: you have a Porsche….

Sirius Black: details details

James Potter to SUIT UP: who’s doing the speech if we win the grammy?

Peter Pettigrew: I thought you were

Remus Lupin: you said you’d written it

James Potter: where’s the evidence

Remus Lupin sent a screenshot

James Potter: well shit

Rita Skeeter (@ritaskeeter) tweeted: Lily Evans throws drink over James Potter at Grammy’s, is it over his relationship with Marlene McKinnon?

Marlene McKinnon (@marlsmckinnon) tweeted: for gods sake I am NOT dating james

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @marlsmckinnon I’m hurt

Marlene McKinnon (@marlsmckinnon) tweeted: you know I love you rlly @jampots

Remus Lupin (@rjlupin) tweeted: @marlsmckinnon @jampots this is exactly what I was talking about

Peter Pettigrew to Sirius Black: why did she throw her drink at him?

Sirius Black: he apologised for being rude to snivilus

Peter Pettigrew: how does that make sense??

Sirius Black: but then he said it wasn’t his fault she was friends with a racist twat

Peter Pettigrew: oh

James Potter to Marlene McKinnon: did you talk to her?

Marlene McKinnon: mate you need to drop it

James Potter: I’m an idiot

Marlene Mackinnon: yes, yes you are

James Potter to Lily Evans: I’m an idiot

James Potter: and I’m sorry

Lily Evans: you can’t keep apologising and then not changing

James Potter: what do you want me to do evans?

Lily Evans: move on potter

James Potter changed the chat name to lets get drunk pls

Peter Pettigrew: u okay?

James Potter: not rly

Sirius Black: we’re on our way

The Daily Prophet (@TheDailyProphet) tweeted: James Potter photographed kissing mystery girl in back of club

Lily Evans sent a photo to Marlene McKinnon

Lily Evans: is that who I think it is

Marlene McKinnon: you’re not seriously jealous

Lily Evans: ofc not

Lily Evans: its just a bit of a surprise

Marlene McKinnon: you told him to move on lil

Lily Evans: I didn’t mean with dorcas

Rita Skeeter (@ritaskeeter) tweeted: James Potter’s mystery girl is Dorcas Meadowes, close friend of Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon, all 3 attended school with The Maruaders.

Sirius Black to no the next album will not be called sirius and the others: someone buy teabags

James Potter: there are spares under my bed

Sirius Black: about that

James Potter: you fucker

Peter Pettigrew: did you try moonys stash in his wardrobe

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: you stay away from those teabags

Sirius Black: too late

Remus Lupin: I’m telling mrs potter

Sirius Black: you wouldn’t

Remus Lupin: too late

Dorcas Meadowes to Lily Evans: u know me and james were just messing right

Lily Evans: why does everyone think I’m bothered

Dorcas Meadowes: bc u r

Lily Evans: I’m not

Dorcas Meadowes: so our snap streak ending was an accident then?

Dorcas Meadowes: 308 days !!

Dorcas Meadowes: gone !

Lily Evans: I might be slightly bothered

The Daily Prophet (@TheDailyProphet) tweeted: ‘The Marauders’ raise £2 million for charity with their new single

Lily Evans to James Potter: it’s incredible how much you guys have raised

Lily Evans: you should be really proud james

James Potter to Remus Lupin: she called me james

Remus Lupin: who?

James Potter: evans

Remus Lupin: oh

Remus Lupin: OH

James Potter to Lily Evans: thanks lily, it means a lot

Lily Evans: so… you and Dorcas?

James Potter: we’re just mates, it was a bit of fun

James Potter: we both know there’s only one girl I’m interested in

Peter Pettigrew to graham norton for prime minister: controversial idea

Sirius Black: go

Peter Pettigrew: Portugal shouldn’t have won Eurovision

Sirius Black removed Peter Pettigrew from the group

Lily Evans to James Potter: i have a question

James Potter: oooOOOooo ominous

Lily Evans: are you ever not dramatic

James potter: we literally went to stage school

Lily Evans: im just going to ask my question

Lily Evans: why is your twitter handle jampots??

James Potter: why not

James Potter: it’s iconic

Lily Evans: why do I like such a lame person?

James Potter: so you DO like me

James Potter: !!!

James potter: also who even uses lame anymore???

Lily Evans @lilevans tweeted: quick twitter poll; who thinks the word lame is lame

Sirius Black @siriuslyblack tweeted: @lilevans the REAL question is who uses semicolons in tweets ???

Remus Lupin @rjlupin tweeted: @siriuslyblack it’s like you’re allergic to good grammar.

James Potter @jampots tweeted: you’re not helping your case here evans

Lily Evans @lilevans tweeted: @jampots I’ve seen your match attacks collection sit down

Peter Pettigrew @realpete tweeted: @jampots @lilevans ouch burn

James Potter @jampots tweeted: @realpete traitor

Sirius Black to James Potter: I just read this article

James Potter: oh yeah?

Sirius Black: so we’re dating

Sirius Black: and we have a kitten called Beatrix

James Potter: what??

James Potter: it would obvs be called cassiepoiea

Sirius Black: omds cassie for short

Sirius Black: the blacks hv flaws but our names are fabulous

James Potter sent a photo to I miss Minnie telling us what disappointments we are

James Potter: me and sirius bought a kitten !!

Sirius Black: shes so cute !!!

Remus Lupin: we’re not allowed pets in the building….?

Peter Pettigrew: and I’m allergic to cats

James Potter: honestly you two are so selfish

James Potter: we can’t take her back

James Potter: are you seriously going to break her little kitten heart

Sirius Black: we already made her an instagram and everything

Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: ???? hv u seen my jacket

Remus Lupin: would it kill you to use grammar properly for once

Sirius Black: nvm acc i found it

Sirius Black: also rude

Remus Lupin to bring back remus being a werewolf conspiracy theory 2k17: we going out tonight?

Sirius Black: yassss

James Potter: can’t, going for a drink w evans

Sirius Black: oooooOOOOOO

Peter Pettigrew: is that what the kids call it these days

James Potter: seriously?

James Potter: don’t answer that sirius

Sirius Black (@siriuslyblack) tweeted: this is a psa that james puts sisters before misters

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @siriuslyblack chill

Peter Pettigrew to 3 decent ppl + jim the traitor: james has a hickey pass it on

Sirius Black: whAT

James Potter: wtf bro

James Potter: how do you even know that

Peter Pettigrew: I came in to bring you tea

James Potter: oh yh

James Potter: thanks for that btw

Sirius Black: we’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Sirius Black to Euphemia Potter: james got a hickey from lily

Euphemia Potter: Lily Evans?

Sirius Black: that’s the one

Euphemia Potter: I always thought she was lovely

Euphemia Potter:  Now what’s all this I hear about you stealing remus’s teabags?

[imminentinertia]

Thank you!! Im the sex anon and that answer is pretty great. I have so many questions, and maybe I'll hit you up later? It's weird because fandoms sometimes have very liberal views on sex (write what you want its only fiction), but then they can also get very puritan and moral and black and white. I find it very American, I don't know why. And also there's this idea that positive representation seems to be the only important function of media for tumblr fandoms sometimes... (pt. 1

But the I also think (and its something I wanted to ask you about too), that the way skam and now this film are using social media (+ tumblr dynamics) generate a lot of anxiety in fans. Series have used social media in my country, but not integrated in the same way as skam and this film, where they almost blurr the lines between fiction and real life. Specially having an actor like Tarjei, who doesn’t have social media, and has changed a lot physically for his role. And his friends being part of

The film… It’s almost as if he has become his new character, and fans (a lot of whom are very young) feel affronted by that. It’s all very interesting. Has this use of social media become a regular thing in Norway? How is it perceived by people who follow skam there? Do they find it weird that the director is using the same dynamics? I’m sorry this got so long and I got so carried on! I honestly just wanted to say thank you, but I find all of this so interesting! You don’t have to answer

By all means talk to me whenever you want!

I’m glad my answer wasn’t completely off the mark for you, but of course, we could talk about this for years and not exhaust the subject. Speaking of exhausting the subject, I have to cut the text again…

I’ve noted that the SKAM fandom, at least the parts of it I see, definitely has a moralistic streak, which I too find very American in its b/w thinking, and I think you have an extremely good point in that the use of social media generates anxiety and blurred lines. It certainly looks like it escalates the investment in a show significantly (and that’s saying something…), and that means that you get more possessive about the characters and your headcanons, I think (re: the great bottom Even debacle, which for all I know is still going on).

Also this is a young fandom, almost two years in Norway and not even a year internationally. Fandoms tend to grow more laidback as time goes by and the fans get used to ridiculousness, kink exploration, changing trope and topic trends and the usual General Eternal Fandom-specific Bickering.

En affære isn’t integrating social media like that, for obvious reasons - it will be shown in cinemas with a smallish number of viewers at each showing, not with real time social media inserts between clips and episodes, so that’s impossible. Perhaps they will use the social media accounts for promotion? The existence of these accounts to be used in the film certainly fired up the fandom, though.

I believe those of Tarjei’s friends who are in it are also aspiring actors, at least some are drama students too, I think, and to be fair there’s literally only a handful of eager Tarjei fans who even catch that other actors in the film are friends with him. I imagine there will be news articles about that when the film is released, but very very few Norwegians will have followed his friends on social media or know much about his personal life. 

Fandom is so small, really. And out of all of the fans taking an interest in what Tarjei does as an actor, not all that many care all that much about his personal life. However, young fans often do, and young fans aren’t really who this fillm is intended for, I should think. Most of the film’s potential audience doesn’t even know about the social media accounts until it’s shown in cinemas.

I know - and know of - a lot of Norwegian SKAM fans who simply aren’t in fandom as such. They lived and breathed SKAM from S1 or S2 or S3, they’ve discussed it a lot and quote the lines and attended SKAM events, and they think many of the actors are great and are excited to see what they do next, but they don’t use their Twitter accounts for fandom stuff, they don’t have Tumblr accounts, they don’t read or write fics. They sometimes stumble upon gifs and fanvids they like, but they don’t go looking in the tags anywhere. 

And these fans, who also are really enthusiastic fans of a great show and great actors, simply don’t give a fuck about the personal lives of the actors. They don’t know that some international fans think that Tarjei doing an erotic thriller and his friends being in it is off-putting. This is the vast majority of Norwegian fans.

Most fandoms so easily get upset about literally anything, really. Also, as we all know, it’s very easy to confuse an actor with the characters they play, which certainly has happened with Tarjei/Isak and the other SKAM actors/characters. I think it’s great that he chooses very different projects, like What would Jesus do?, Woman2Woman, En affære and Grease. Perhaps it helps that he’s allegedly started to grow his hair back and is gearing up for the mostly harmless Grease production.

I like that he wants challenging work, and to be honest, I find it strange to claim to be a fan and not appreciate that he wishes to learn and grow as an actor. It’s like some wants to trap Tarjei-as-Isak in amber*, you know? But SKAM is over and Isak is over. Enter Markus and Doody and who knows what’s to come.

Social media in TV shows haven’t really been used before, no. Posting clips in real time has (in four NRK shows, I think), but not interspersed with chat logs and Insta posts. The format was acclaimed as innovative and exciting, and initially it was what drew me to the show, actually.

Btw there was a lot of representation wishes and complaints in Norway too. During season 3 it started to seem like unless Julie made the season 4 main a bisexual, wheelchair bound, transgendered, politically active, dyslexic refugee she would be the Worst Person On The Planet. Oh well.

Don’t say sorry, dear sex anon, this is super interesting and I could go on ALL DAY. Also sorry if I come across as super world weary. Maybe I am, a bit.

*shout-out to the friend who used those exact words

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter